#i dont get loopy from writing. loopy goes in

[lunarharp]

rare small post of Few images of witch

[zickzackschere]

Sometimes i do too many things and i end up doing nothing

Sometimes i do too many things and i feel like i drown. I end up doing nothing and feeling burnt out because i try to make it all happen. i dont know where that comes from. Thats the first lie. My Mom is just like me, I am just like my mom. Always trying to make everything happen but end up frustrated because i can't. I simply can't. Salo you will never ever make everyone happy. That's out of your control.

Sometimes i wonder what i do wrong. Because it all goes so good except that it doesn't feel like it. Why does it feel so different?

I didn't write for a while? Why? I don't know. That's the second lie.

I do know. Because i was fucking depressed for the past 2 years of my life. And not only depressed to take out the fun of that last statement. I was severely depressed and i don't even know why i write that in the past tense. Third lie. I am lying. I know why. I still am. I tell myself so many things throughout the day and i wonder how many times i lie to myself without catching myself doing it. It's a wonderful thing to be self aware but also being too obnoxious to even catch yourself lying to yourself.

I liked that board game loopie louie back in the day. I feel like looping a lot nowadays. I shouldn't because i am 25. I am an adult now. I start getting wrinkles and my brain will be fully developed in a few months. I wonder if the important things will be updated by then. what was i talking about? Oh yes. I lie a lot.

I wonder why and when. Because lying is so much more comfortable then the weight of the truth. it sucks sometimes to be conscious.

Sometimes i do too many things and end up doing nothing. Burnout. I feel like i burnt out all the connections that once have been there. Maybe i didn't write because of that. I love writing. i always loved it. Especially on here, where i feel like i could almost write anything, publish it but no one would read it. It is the sweetest thing to be the only observer even though it is accessible to the whole world, only if they knew. And this is what it's all about. Knowing.

I loved to take photos. i loved to sketch. i loved to write. i loved to combine the wildest pieces of clothing only for the sake of expression- not for beauty.

I loved to do all these things and i wonder why it feels like i am not that person anymore. i feel like i am someone else that just lives theses memories inside their head.

Am i really changing into someone new or am i just dissolving into nothing.

It feels like both.

oh sweet identity.

it is the 24th of november 2023 and it is yet another end of a year that went by way too fast.

Maybe this is just the price of change.

[tottymatsuno]

Who You Actually Are: Ichimatsu 1/2

Author: Roro (halfeviltotty)

Fandom: Osomatsu-san

Pairing: Ichimatsu x reader

Category: trauma recovery fic

Rating: T

Summary: fucked up cat boy gets locked in the looneybin

Word count: i dont count

Warnings: forced hospitalizations, forced sedation and realistic depictions of psychiatric wards.

Commentary: editing it now <3

Tch, those bastards finally did it. Ichimatsu knew this day was coming for years and was long overdue. It was just one public outburst too many, huh? Now he's in the crazybin with all of the other fuck ups.

Ichimatsu remembers attacking a few people and screaming nonsensical curse words but all in all it was a regular Thursday night in the city to be honest.

He'll be out very soon and when he goes home Ichimatsu is going to kill those idiots.

That's his first thought after he wake up two days later with the sedatives wearing out of his system.

"What's your name and date of birth?" Ichimatsu opens his mouth to bark out the answer at the scrawny piece of shit doctor and even tries to bite that sonvabitch for good measure. Within a few loud and violent minutes Ichimatsu is back off to empty dreamland.

This repeats a few times until they strap Ichimatsu down. Ichimatsu doesn't get it though, he thinks when he wakes up the 4th time. Ichimatsu's family doesn't react that way, his brothers knows he's actually harmless.

What kind of cat would he be if Ichimatsu didn't lash out when overstimulated?

"I'm just playing around why are they treating me like I'm dangerous?" Ichimatsu stares at nothing for hours in a blank room until someone comes in with a tray and cocktail of pills. There's a level of distance between Ichimatsu and this large and intimidating man.

"Please take these." Ichimatsu decides to cooperate this time because he finally understands being here isn't like home at all.

The person leaves right away without another word.

This happens a few more times over what feels like forever, the worst part is Ichimatsu is so fucking out of it he can't tell heads or tails how long it's been going on. He feels so loopy and tired, every now and then Ichimatsu is given food and then he sleeps and takes his pills and then eats again.

Finally another doctor comes in this time with three men who seem to be ready to sedate Ichimatsu again at a moments notice.

"Good morning, I'm Dr. Sato. Can you tell me your name please?" The doctor has a notepad and pen out.

"Matsuno Ichimatsu." Ichimatsu manages to slur out.

"Your birthday?" Dr. Sato nods and writes down some things.

"May 24th."

Ichimatsu manages to answer all of the questions and Dr. Sato seems very pleased by this.

"So Matsuno-san, I'm going to tell you what's happened since you've arrived. You were admitted on June 14th involuntarily due to a psychotic break. After that you were deemed still a danger to others so we have had to sedate you a few times. You've also been on a steady regime of Seroquel and Gabapinten which is why you're so sluggish right now. It should be taking it's maximum effect in a few days. Very soon we will be switching you from rapid to extended release to ensure your stability. And in a few days we will up the dosage according to your needs. If you could sign the consent forms for the continuation of your treatment here."

Ichimatsu's hands tremble as he grasps the papers. "Isn't this going a bit too far? Where's my brothers?" Ichimatsu is handed a blunt marker.

"You've had some visitors but as of yet we haven't determined if you can be seen by others. We'll see how you do in a few days, okay? Besides you should focus on getting better right now, don't you agree?" Dr. Sato says like he's speaking to an impatient child.

Ichimatsu signs the papers quickly and hands them back. "Ah, thank goodness. I didn't want to have the judge extend that order."

Ichimatsu pales and doesn't want to know what that means.

"Alright, since you're doing well right now we're going to do a few supervised trial runs to see if you can integrate with the other patients. If you behave we can let you out of solitary. Does that sound good to you?"

When did he start to sweat so intensely? Ichimatsu rapidly nods and the switch to his normiesona is switched back on. Ichimatsu has to pull this off carefully, he can't just force himself to act like a regular human being out of nowhere because that'd be suspicious. But he can't continue his regular behavior either.

He can vaguely remember the circumstances that lead him to be sedated multiple times, despite Ichimatsu not taking it seriously in those moments it's clicking into place that he might not be able to leave this facility unless he cooperates. The infringement on Ichimatsu's freedom starkly reminds him that being considered actually crazy and dangerous isn't fun like he thought it'd be.

He can't bathe, can't wash his hands with soap, they haven't given him a toothbrush or really any hygiene products. Ichimatsu is barely able to interact with anyone, he's all alone and purposefully isolated from the other people. Ichimatsu can't talk to anyone, can't vent, can't breathe, can't scream, can't walk around, can't eat what he wants, can't drink what he wants or when. Ichimatsu is at their mercy in this hospital.

Ichimatsu has to get the hell out.

Ichimatsu stresses over this conundrum the second Dr. Sato leaves. "Ah, thank you." Ichimatsu is then handed more pills by a large man, Ichimatsu instantly downs them. The cup of water goes ignored until a new voice speaks loudly, "You have to drink the water as well." Ichimatsu does as he's told without question.

The man then sticks his head out of the door and shouts something. This turns Ichimatsu's insides into knots because he took the pills?! Who's he calling over and why?! Ichimatsu is complying, he swears! Ichimatsu sits rigid as a male nurse steps into the room. "Hey, how are you?" This new interloper asks casually. "Good..." Ichimatsu forces a painfully fake smile like he's in high school again.

"Good to hear! I'm doing alright myself." The man from before is just standing there acting like he's not watching every move Ichimatsu makes as this new guy approaches him with an easy-going grin. Ichimatsu can feel the anxiety radiating off of the nurse though. "Alright, can you do me a favor and get undressed down to your underwear?"

The nurse places down something flat and blue on the bed Ichimatsu just awoke from. "You can get changed into these when we're done, don't worry this isn't anything weird. It's just standard procedure." Ichimatsu doesn't even know if he's still breathing when he takes off his hoodie. It's not as if he hasn't been in worse states lf undress before but the lack of choice makes Ichimatsu's skin crawl. Ichimatsu has never been forced to take off his clothes by himself, in uncomfortable situations Ichimatsu is one of a set.

Ichimatsu doesn't protest though. The two hospital workers watch with bored expressions while the nurse writes some things down on the clipboard Ichimatsu hadn't noticed until now. "Turn around please." Ichimatsu does just that. A few more things are jotted down before the nurse announces Ichimatsu is good to go and leaves. "You can get dressed now." Ichimatsu doesn't have anything else to say.

"Group starts in 5 minutes if you want to join." This man doesn't even know Ichimatsu and yet sounds irritated by his existence. Ichimatsu shrinks up and nods, "Yes."

"Alright, let's go." The man takes the small cups back and throws them away.

Ichimatsu trails behind the man as he looks around. The first real thing he notices is the groups of people standing around awkwardly, another he realizes that his clothes are different. Ichimatsu has never seen fabric this thin, "So these are paper scrubs?" Other people wear gowns but Ichimatsu has these scrubs on.

He asks this question to himself.

"Yeah. This your first time in a hospital?" The man asks while Ichimatsu drags his feel across the linoleum tiles. The grip on the socks makes his skin crawl.

Like he's being slowly choked out.

"Yes." It's dawned on him before but now it's upon him again that this isn't a game. Ichimatsu feels the severity but its not dramatic like he expected, instead it's surreal. It's depressing and he feels terrified. But he can't outwardly express that terror so he swallows it down with each gulp. Ichimatsu's labored breathing catches the attention of the man.

"That's right, just breathe in and out. Don't freak out." The words are spoken harshly but their meaning is kind. Ichimatsu doesn't understand any of this.

Ichimatsu thinks that movies didn't prepare him enough for this. It's not horror movie scary, not really. Ichimatsu enters the group therapy room and sees mostly adults older than him and only two other young people.

It's something else much worse.

The older adults Ichimatsu sees are clearly unwell and he trembles as he walks past them because Ichimatsu is judging their covers and the contents of these books are not something he can stomach.

There's an open seat next to you and Ichimatsu isn't surprised you don't make eye contact mostly because he refused to look and see in the first place. All he perceived was the shape of someone less threatening, and a plastic chair with no ass in it.

The therapist walks in obviously phoning it in and Ichimatsu notices the man from earlier hasn't left, he's actually lingering closely near Ichimatsu and another man shows up to block the door. They're treating Ichimatsu like he's actually scum and a criminal. This makes him sweat even more because Ichimatsu didn't have a good life at home, it had its trauma and Ichimatsu has had his hardship but it wasn't like they took him seriously.

Ichimatsu has faced consequences before but not as scary as this... What if they lobotomize him like they did in that movie?! Ichimatsu begins to panic until he feels a hand on his back rubbing it in circles.

This grounds him completely and when Ichimatsu looks up it's you next to him.

"Just breathe in." You inhale, "And now out." You exhale. The therapist notices and leads the rest of the breathing exercises while the man from before removes your hand. "No touching other patients, remember?"

Your hand is let go and you nervously smile, "I know, he just..." The man shakes his head and you cut yourself off.

"That's very nice of you to want to help the other patients, but these rules are for everyone's safety." Ichimatsu focuses in on the therapist and the meditation exercises that are being said until he calms down.

He can hear you work on your own breathing, after five minutes when Ichimatsu is calm the therapist continues.

"Alright, so today we're going to work on processing a bit. Can anyone..." This drones on and Ichimatsu tunes out pretty quickly. So does everyone else, Ichimatsu can see everyone staring dead eyed around, completely checked out of reality and he feels frightened.

You sit next to him, attentive towards the group. Each person goes across and says their name, an introduction and what they were brought in for and what coping skills will they utilize from now on. Ichimatsu doesn't get it.

Why are we clapping? Ichimatsu thinks as he copies the crowds reactions.

When he listens in to the depressing mumblings of the other patients Ichimatsu knows for a fact he doesn't belong here. Not really!

But then it's his turn to introduce himself, Ichimatsu jolts and pulls his legs up in the chair to his chest.

"U-uhm. I'm Matsuno Ichimatsu, the fourth son. I'm here because..." Ichimatsu mutters quietly out his own introduction, "I was told I had a psychotic break... And I." He strains to continue, "I plan on practicing good sleep hygiene from now on." Ichimatsu manages to force out.

There's a round of clapping for him and makes Ichimatsu feel uncomfortable because he didn't say anything special.

Wait, didn't Ichimatsu just depressingly mumble out his intro too? Ichimatsu rapidly looks around and studies the faces of the other patients. They're all sad older adults, yes...

But.

On closer inspection, Ichimatsu doesn't fear them as much anymore. Everyone here must feel the same anxiety as Ichimatsu since they're all in the same state as him. Because of this Ichimatsu finds himself hesitantly interacting with this group of people more. He answers a few times a couple questions even if Ichimatsu can't find his voice loud enough to project out the answer the therapist seems more than happy to paraphrase it for the others to hear and expand on.

When group is over it's lunch time, Ichimatsu stays in his seat hugging his legs until the man from before taps his shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

How is he feeling? "A bit better, thank you..." Ichimatsu half lies softly.

"You think you can go to lunch with everyone else or are you ready to go back to your room?" Ichimatsu doesn't hesitate to shake his head yes.

"I want to eat lunch with everyone else." This is the first time Ichimatsu has smiled, and the man seems to grin in return. "Alright, let's go then."

On the walk over the man says some words that do terrify Ichimatsu with a how much relief he feels. "Glad you were able to pull yourself together, was afraid I'd have to tranq you again. I'll tell Dr. Sato about this, but I think tomorrow you'll be able to get out of solidary if you keep this up." His words are good natured, his tone casual and without malice. Ichimatsu is still quaking though.

"I'm glad..." Ichimatsu whispers. "What's today's date?" This question has been on his mind for a little bit. The man pulls down his sleeve to check his digital watch. "July 5th."

Ichimatsu swallows down his reaction and nods, "Thank you."

He's got to get the hell out of here.

The lunch room is too bright and yet dingier than he'd expect. There's scuff marks on everything, scratches from age and the walls haven't been painted in years, the tile is yellowed from lack of proper maintenance... And yet the fluorescent lights burn Ichimatsu's eyes.

There's a vague assembly of people waiting on one side of the room and Ichimatsu looks up to his shadow for confirmation he could stand with the others. The man shakes his head no and Ichimatsu stays where he is. "They're bringing up your tray right now so please wait a bit." The man tells Ichimatsu casually.

Names are called seemingly out of order, and Ichimatsu watches you walk over nervously to grab your own tray. You take a seat and Ichimatsu secretly hopes that there will be one empty near you.

Others seem to ignore your table and gather around to have muted conversations about the food. When it's Ichimatsu's turn your table has one seat left.

[kaz11283]

I really like the prompt list you reblogged it’s got some good stuff. What about 37. “Because I love you god damn it!” with Loki if you are still needing inspiration.

37) Because I Love You God Damn It!

~~~~

The Secret Is Out

Characters: the Avengers Bunch, Loki, Thor, Clint

Warnings: Dirty words, slight angst

Summary: after putting your life in the line for a teammate you accidentally let a big secret slip.

Announcements: I will always need insperation and requests! They feed my soul! Haha. I'm not gonna lie. Im skipping back and forth on my requests though. I have a really good story line for one but its just so emotional(thats were Im hoping it goes at least) that I didnt want to write it tonight and put my self in a mood. So instead I guess im goimg with a form of anger? Meh. Anyways... I absolutly love love love everything from you guys! The reblogs, likes, and comments are amazing and I am very greatful for all the love I am getting!!!! 💚💚💚💚💚

Loki Masterlist

~~~~

The fight had been rough but not as rough as you were feeling in the moment. You had gotten serverly hurt and had been in the medbay for about a week now and you had a longer road ahead. There had been an explosion and instead of turning to run away you had ran toward one of your team members that had been to distracted to realize what was going on, you had successfully gotten him shoved out of the way but you had taken the brunt of the blast.

Now you were laying here staring at the celing trying to stay distracted as Bruce and Tony looked at your completely shaddered knee and the burns up your leg. Fingers crossed that they would have good news soon.

"Well as of right now kid your out of commission." Tony said helping you sit back up.

"Meaning?" You pulled one of the pillows down so that you could sit up without being uncomfortable.

"Meaning right now, the way it all looks, your gonna be stuck in the bed until it fully heals and after wards theres really no way to tell if your going to be able to work in the field again." Burce said looking at the xrays again. "And your gonna have to have surgery in order to put all the right pieces back in the right places, but we cant really do that until some of the burns heal or at least start to heal. Its gonna be a long drawn out process unfortunately." He sighed setting the charts back down and walking over to you.

"Fucking hell! You mean I'm gonna be pushing paper work? I might as well go work in a damn office with four white walls and a poster that says 'hang in there, its almost Friday'." You placed your head in your hands.

"Hey! At least our paper work is more exciting than just running numbers." Tony said placing a hand on your back. He had been like a fsther to you, taking you in when you didnt have anywhere else to turn except the streets. Your own family had abandoned you at a young age and you had been leaning toward a dark path until Tony. "Besides with your expertise you dont have to sit behind a desk, your fingers arent blown off, you can still hack into stuff I'm sure."

"Tony we had a deal when I moved in. No hacking but you would train me and I could actually do good. Now look at me."

"I said no hacking the good guys, and if I remember correctly you were the one jumping close to the bomb not away from. I hate to be this way y/n but the only one to blame is yourself on this one."

"He would have been worst off than I am if not killed. I think I did the right thing. Besides you would have done the same thing if you had been closer." You sighed.

"Honey the diffrence with that is I have a supersuit, you wear a skin tight, spandex one peice, that I'm not a fan of." He laughted. Bruce had went to go get you some more pain killers to shoot into your IV.

"Tony if I were you I would shut up. Your starting to sound like you might actually love me, might even say your starting to act like a dad." You laughed pulling him into a hug.

"Shut it kid, cant let the others know I have a soft spot for the hacker orphan kid i took in all those years ago now can I." He said kissing the top of your head. "Do you need anything else before the drugs kick in and you pass out again?"

"Yes, can you please bring me my phone charger, laptop, and that really fluffy blanket that you and Pep got for me for Christmas."

"Dont ask to much of me now."

"I wouldnt be asking if you would just let me stay in my room. I hate it down here. I wanna be were the people are." You were starting to get loopy from whatever Bruce had given you.

"Ok little mermaid, get some rest I'll get your stuff." He laughed walking out the door letting you fall into a restless sleep.

You didnt know how long you hade been asleep but you woke up with a groan trying to sit up so you could atleast stretch your back from laying in one spot for to long. You flopped back down dramatically with a sigh. You could sense someine else in the room with you, you always knew when he was around.

"You dont have to hide in the shadows Loki. Your more than welcome to keep me company, you should know that by now." You smiled as the prince walked over and sat in the chair beside you. You could tell he hadnt been sleeping, his hair was fixed as always but his clothes looked worst for wear. He had on a plain black shirt and a pair of gray sweat pants, both of with had wrinkles in them either from tossing and turning or from not being changed in a few days.

"Whats wrong? And dont pull that 'nothing is wrong dear. I'm absolutly fine.' Bullshit. You look horrible." You reatched out to grab his hand. What you and Loki had was diffrent. You didnt just see his as a friend, he didnt just see you as that either though. You had spent many nights sitting up with the silver tounge man many nights laying on the couch watching movies, reading, talking about each of your pasts. He knew more about you than even Tony did.

"I'm still currently trying to wrap my head around why you pushed me out of the way and took the blow when you had a chance of dying from it. You shouldnt have been so thick headed my dear." He took your hand and raised it to his lips kissing the top of your hand.

"Loki." You sighed rolling your head to look back up at the celing. "You would have been hurt alot wordt than I am now, that blast could have killed you."

"I am a god y/n, that blast wouldnt have caused me nearly as much damage as it did you." His voice raised slightly.

"Thats what you think. You think that because you are "immortal" that you can take anything thats thrown at you. That no one really cares about you, that you wouldnt be missed? So why not try to take a blow from a bomb? My god your so stupid sometimes."

"I know I can. Norns y/n I've jumped into space, been brain washed, tried to take over New York, gotten smashed around by the Hulk. I was raised with Thor, he doesnt really go easy on a person. What I'm saying is I dont understand why you, a mear midguardian, would sacrifice themselves for me. If anything would have happened-"

"Nothing did happen though. I'm fine-"

"You have steel sticking from your leg, theres no telling when or even if you'll be able to walk again, and there are highly server burns that will leave scares. You cannot sit there and tell me that you are fine."

"Your right it does suck that I'm jot gonna be able to pull off shorts or a bikini anymore."

"This isnt a joke y/n. You almost died!" He finally yelled.

"And i would do it a thousand times over if that ment saving your damn ass again!" You shouted back.

"Why though?! Why me y/n? I've done horrible things, killed people! My life is meaningless." Tears had sprang to his eyes as he looked away.

"Because I love you God damn it!" You stopped suddenly your jaw dropping at the admission that you hadnt ment for him to hear. His head jerked back to you.

"What?" Shock was all over his face as he stood to walk closer to you. "What did you just say?"

"Because I love you Loki Odinson. Because if you were to die I dont think I would be able to go on living. Because even if you see all the bad things that you've done I can look pass that amd see all the good that you are doing." You reached up placing a hand on his cheek and wiping away a tear.

"I love you too y/n. I have since the day I met you. The girl that didnt care what anyone said when she spent time with me. The girl that can see through every face i put on. I love you so much darling." He placed his hand on your face and leaning down gently kissing your lips.

It felt like you thought it always should you felt electricity run through your body and the two of you connected. It was like getting a breath after not being able to for so long. He pulled away smiling at you.

"What do we tell the others?" He asked laying on with bed with you being easy with your leg. He placed his arm around your middle and pulled you as close as he could.

"I honestly dont care what we tell them. They can figure it out themseves for all I care." You smiled lacing your fingers with his, you yawned placing your head on his shoulder closing your eyes.

"Sleep now my Dove, I will be here when you wake." He felt your gentle breath slow as you fell asleep, the rhythm you of your breath lulling him into his own sleep.

Tony and Bruce walked in the next morning stopping dead at the sight in front of them. You and Loki were still cuddled on the small bed sleeping peacefully.

"Should we wake them up?" Bruce asked looking at Tony.

"Na, let them sleep. Dont want to let them know that we know." Tony saod grabbing Bruce's arm and turning to walk back out of the door.

~~~~

Tag List:

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@high-functioning-lokipath

[krabstick32]

Hii!! I don't know how much characters you do write in one scenario/hc but maybe can I have giyuu, sanemi and uzui reacting to a foreigner reader? (since in their timeline Japan started to open up to the world I think) how would their reactions be to their different features ♡♡♡

Home Is Where You Are (Headcanon: Giyuu!Sanemi!Tengen x Foreigner!Reader)

Pairing: Giyuu, Sanemi, Uzui (x Foreigner!Reader) Synopsis: Headcanon/scenario for our boys meeting a foreign civilian reader uwu

Tags/warnings: There are brief mentions of stalkers/kidnappers (i swear it’s not what it sounds like, but I’ll put it here just in case), cursing (bc of Sanemi), and poly relationships (bc of Tengen and his wives!!), but apart from that, I don't think there are any.

a/n: waaa thank you so much for requesting anon!! I decided to do all of them and i had fun! but I'm sorry if they’re a bit OOC :(( i got too used to just writing giyuu but I hope I was able to give Sanemi and Tengen some justice :((

anyway, please enjoy <33

Giyuu Tomioka

You two meet at a bustling city (kind of like the one where tanjiro meets muzan). You’re there for business, him on a mission.

He wouldn’t notice that you look different at first—he’s too focused on trailing the demon following you, that he didn’t even realize how creepy he’d look to you

Would definitely be mistaken as a stalker or kidnapper by you

don't get me wrong!! he isn’t, but we all know babie is terrible at communicating uwu

Anyway

The whole night, he’d be trailing you, and to be quite honest, you’re getting really nervous from him following you

You tried losing him in a series of crowds and ducked behind an alleyway to hide. To your relief, he isn’t there when you take a precautionary look back

When you breath out a sigh, there’s a lone figure hidden in the shadows and for a moment you think it's your kidnapper

Oh how wrong you were.

“Look, can you stop following me? If you don’t, I’m reporting you to the police! You’ll regret i—“

“Regret what, missy?” The thing—it’s definitely not human—saunters closer, cornering you in between the walls before you’re hit with the foulest stench of rotten blood mixed with ash and acid when it breaths over your neck. “Having you as my late night meal? You look absolutely exquisite! Different, but… you would probably taste divine with having some foreign blood.”

All you can do is whimper silently as this thing drags a sharp fingernail over the delicate skin of your neck, its finger wrapping around a tad too tight

“Ah, what a delicacy!” It giggles. “Rather than regret, I think I’ll quite enjoy having you as my late. Night. Snack.”

With how frozen your body was, you couldn’t even shut your eyes as the thing moved to bite your flesh off, but a flash of blue made your world crawl in slow motion as your kidnapper (now savior) kicks the thing an impressive distance away before moving to stand in front of you.

The man mutters a quiet “dont look” and you do as told, looking away as you hear the sound of sword slicing through flesh.

When you look back, he’s sheathing his sword and there was no trace of your assailant save for the faint trace of ash and the clothes on the ground

“Are you alright?” He asks, turning to you. “I lost sight of you and that’s probably how it nearly got you. I’m sorry.”

“What just—what was I, who are you…that?” You stutter out, but he seems to understand what you’re asking.

“It was a demon, and I’m a demon hunter. It’s been targeting you and I was following it to take it down.” Normally, you’d call him a lunatic—because who in their right mind would believe in demons?—but the clothes on the floor, the ash in the air, and the thing, the demon that was about to kill you a few moments ago were proof enough.

“Oh. Oh, A… a demon—and a demon hunter. Was… was that why you were following me? Oh my god… I… I thought you were going to kidnap me!” You laugh, a touch too hysterically—the adrenaline was still pumping through your veins and it was making you feel loopy and lightheaded. “But no, I—I’m fine and It’s not your fault. Thank you. For saving me.”

You introduce yourself, and that’s when he really notices that you’re a foreigner because that’s the only time he was able to look at your face and your name sounds really… different. Pretty, but different.

“Are you a foreigner?” Ah, ever so blunt and straight to the point, our giyuu

“No!” You gasp, your tone light and joking, with a faint hint of sarcasm. He looked too cute not to tease. “What possibly gave it away? But jokes aside, yes, I am. I’m settling down here permanently for business.”

He nods a little embarassed, and you two stare at each other for a moment before looking away immediately because both of you think the other is too pretty. Giyuu thinks you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen.

Anyway, he’ll escort you back to your temporary lodging (in fear of another demon, and in hopes to spend a little more time with you), and once you’re safe through the gates, you’ll offer to take him out to grab lunch the next day as a ‘thank you’ meal...maybe as a date—haha…just kidding!!… unless…?

Yeah, it was a date uwu

Now, you two would often take walks in the park after a date (or maybe the walk is already your date), and he would always, without fail, escort you back to your home like a gentleman

walks in the park is now one of your go-to for dates and taking you home after is now a habit

Moving on!!

You want to get to know him, and he wants to get to know you too, but he’s not very good with talking

So when initiating conversation, his questions are short, but are filled with genuine curiosity and you answer back in kind, with your own questions in hand.

Kind of like your own version of 20 questions

Would listen very intently when you talk about your home country, and makes sure he remembers every little thing

Also!! He loves your voice

He especially likes the way you say his name

There’s just that something about your accent that makes him feel all warm and fuzzy, and calmer than lull, his eleventh form—he could just listen to you all day

If you like to sing, he would fall in love all over again when he hears you sing in your language

He treasures the time he spends with you, and adores the time he catches you singing, may it be when you two are just spending time together, or you just doing your thing, babie is happy and filled with love and affection™

Sometimes when he has trouble falling asleep (which is often), just lay down with him and sing him a lullaby from your country and poof, he is out like a light.

The way you sing the words are just so nice and soothing and enchanting, and he loves it—loves you—so much, even if he can’t understand the words.

IN CONCLUSION: he wouldn’t notice that you look different at first (i mean lets face it, his coworkers’ physical features were much different compared to you) but once he does, I don’t think he’d care very much. He loves you for you, and if you’re someone who was born in a different country, it wouldn’t matter because he would still love you and protect you with all his heart.

He still thinks you’re the most beautiful girl he’s seen and to this day, he thinks that out of all the men you could have chosen, he is forever lucky that you fell in love with him. Regardless, he thanks the gods everyday that he has you by his side and does his best to make you feel loved and happy.

Sanemi Shinazugawa

You two would meet in a bakery

Sanemi just came from a mission around the city, and he’s looking for a treat when he enters a newly opened bakery. It seemed to be good, he’s seen a lot of people come in and leave with bags full of pastries.

Sanemi is slightly freaking out when they don’t have ohagi

“What do you mean you don’t have Ohagi? It’s a goddamn staple in bakeries!”

Even if his words have a bit of a bite to them, he surprisingly doesn’t make much of a scene, but his ohagi-less tirade is ended when you, the owner of the bakery come by to save your employee

“What’s Ohaki?” You ask, genuine curiosity coloring your voice and your accent.

Did you just?? mispronounce it and didn’t know what it was?? Sanemi is about to give you a piece of his ohagi-less mind, but he pauses, processing how pretty you were in a second before he blushes and lets out a frustrated grumble.

You thought he turned red because of anger, but really he was just flustered uwu

Of course, He would freak, but it’s not as bad as what the others would think. Though he would still proceed take up your time proclaiming the good news of ohagi

You didn’t seem to mind though, in fact you even look more and more interested as he goes on about how good it tastes

“That sounds really good actually,” You hum, trying to imagine how amazing the texture and flavor would go over with your tastebuds.

“Of course it’s fucking good.”

An idea pure as gold, strikes you as you energetically lean back forward and flash him a smile. “Then, you’d have to take me sometime to try it!”

Poor baby is too caught up with his love for ohagi that he immediately agrees and doesn’t even realize that this was a date

“Ha?! What’d you say, lady? Fine! Meet me here tomorrow and I’m taking you out to taste the best ohagi you will EVER have!”

You two meet up at the same time at the same bakery, your face flushed, and Sanemi none the wiser that this was in fact, a date.

He realizes though once he sees you arrive with your face flushed a little red and your clothes a little nicer than what he saw you wear the day before.

In my mind’s eye, he is a tsundere and he will always be a tsundere

So he blushes too, but hides it and says it's because he wants to eat the damn ohagi already!

You end up liking ohagi, and oop Sanemi ends up liking you

The bakery is pretty much your usual meet-up place

Asks about your culture and stuff and buys you some thoughtful gifts that would remind you of your home country, or cute local knick knacks that he thinks you might enjoy

But would definitely pretend that that wasn’t his intention

“Ugh, I accidentally got this, and I would never use something like this so. You have it. Fuckin’ throw it, burn it, use it or whatever, hell, I don’t really care.”

But he does, and you both know it.

Even if his reasoning barely makes any sense (c’mon, how can you accidentally buy something you know you won’t use??), you’re still really thankful when he hands you his “accidental” present for the day and you would show him this really pretty smile. Your eyes are glowing, and your hair is like a halo around your face and—

Sanemi thinks you look like an angel

Once, Sanemi said that you look really really pretty. He was embarrassed, but when he sees your blush darken and smile widen, he decides that it’s worth it and casually tells you every time you meet

When he sees you using his gift, he’d try so hard to hide the wide smile on his face

You get him some stuff too, some little trinkets that remind you of him. Sometimes if you come across ohagi in your many travels, you’ll buy him every flavor and taste it with him once you two meet up.

Down the line, you’d also consider adding Traditional Confectioneries to your menu and bring him in to critique them.

“So? How does that one taste?” A bead of sweat trails down your temple, as you anxiously waited for his feedback. You breathe out a sigh of relief though when his eyes open and his head bobs in affirmation.

“Eh. Texture-wise you nearly got the hang of it. Taste wise? A little too sweet.”

You nod and rush to make some corrections into your little notebook of recipes and make a new batch for him to try. You knew you were close, and damn it all if you weren’t going to perfect this today.

“How about now?” You push him a tray of the new batch, hoping that this would be it.

“Not bad.” Is all he says, and in the Sanemi language you’ve gotten used to these past few months, that means that it was one of the best things he’s ever tasted, and would be the highest form of praise you were ever going to get from him.

You show him a smile that makes his heart beat faster, and move to grab your notebook to write down the final recipe.

Needless to say, the customers—foreign and local alike—love the traditional sweets. Particularly the ohagi—they say it’s the best they’ve ever tasted. You had Sanemi’s high taste to thank for that uwu

He likes to pretend that he’s not soft for you.

But once you two have been together for a while, he’d show you more of his vulnerable side

Sometimes, he’d even braid or play with your unique and pretty hair, just like how he used to do with his younger siblings.

When you cook your favorite dish back in your homeland, he gets pretty addicted to it too (a pretty high bar if you ask me). It is now his second favorite food, and he learns to make it so he could surprise you!!

And while Ohagi may be Sanemi’s number one, when you’re around, you take first place.

Tengen Uzui

He’d be very flamboyant about it

I don't think there any other way for him to approach it really

But i think he’d be taken with you once he sees you

He sees you in the city and doesn’t hesitate to walk up to you and strike a conversation

He immediately notices that you’re not from around here from your looks and your accent just pretty much confirmed it 

You’re just very flamboyant—we’re not just talking about physical appearances here, but there’s just something different about you and the way you carry yourself, that just catches his eye and attention 

But he thinks it just adds your charm and would be very sweet about it!!!

He was so caught up in talking to you that you two don't notice the time pass and now its night

Even if he should really be getting ready to patrol for demons, he offers to take you back home but you decline

“Hey, it's getting late and it’s dangerous to walk alone at night. I can walk you home if you’d like.” Tengen says as he looks at you after noticing how dark it’s gotten.

“Oh, I appreciate the offer, but it’s alright!” You say, touched that he’s worried after meeting you so soon. “It’s just nearby, really and I can handle myself, don’t worry.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, i’ll be fine. Thank you for worrying though.” Tengen stays quiet for a moment until he looks back up to you and speaks. “How about…we meet each other tomorrow? Tomorrow, same time, same place—Just so I know you got home safe.”

You giggle, a little flustered as a light blush dusts your cheeks. “Oh, so like a date?”

“Yeah, like a date.” He flashes you a handsome smile that makes you feel giddy down to your toes.

“Okay. I’ll see you then.”

A few moments after you leave, Tengen’s jaunty walk down the park is interrupted when his crow swoops down to his shoulder and cries out in distress

“Demon is close by! Targets young girls walking alone!”

A chill runs down his spine. His head is running through all the horrible scenarios of you dead on the ground as he runs after the direction you left, hoping that you’re okay and you’re not a target.

He arrives just in time to see you brace yourself from the demon. His blade runs through the neck and he rushes to help you up from the floor after making sure the demon is dead

“Are you hurt? Gods, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know there was a demon around.”

“Oh, so that was a demon?” You seem fine, but Tengen could feel the guilt gnawing at him. For a moment, he forgot that demons existed and was able to forget how dangerous his job was. The least he could do was let you know.

“Yes, it was a demon and I’m a demon hunter. It’s my job to kill demons that hurt innocent humans.” He looks at the ground, but his train of thought is interrupted when he feels a hand on his arm. 

“Hey, look at me. I’m fine, you were just in time.”

“...I’m walking you home.” You don’t argue this time, choosing to thank him and hide your shaking hands. He notices though, and gently grabs one, letting you to lead the way.

You arrive home safe and in one piece when one of you speaks up again

“Hey, about tomorrow, it’s alright if you don’t want to go anymore. I understan—“

“Hush. I’m going, and no demon can stop me.”

“Okay.” The two of you smile at each other, and Tengen feels the warmth from your hand seep into his skin.

When you’re almost through your door, you turn around with determination in your eyes, and ask him to lean down a little.

You still have to go on your tiptoes to reach him, but the look of confusion on his face melts into surprise as you press a chaste kiss on his cheek.

“I um… I’ll see you tomorrow?” A bright blush coats your cheeks as you look up at him from your eyelashes.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, take care.”

“You too. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Tengen notes that your face was burning as you nod and rush to your opened door, throwing him a wave before you shut the door.

As you two date, he’d ask you a lot of questions, ask you for stories, and even asks you to teach him some stuff from your country—cooking, traditions… how one goes about courting, the whole shebang

You find it flamboyant of him that he wants to know you more

You tell him as such and he laughs when he realizes that he’s rubbing off on you

He’s also very protective of you (and his wives uwu)

Don’t get me wrong, he respects you and doesn’t think you’re helpless, but he worries, especially after what happened in your first meeting

If he hasn’t convinced you to live with him (and his wives uwu) yet, he would deck your house out in wisteria charms to ward off them demons.

He’d also tell you to carry a wisteria charm at all times, especially if he’s not around

If he already has his three lovely wives, they would immediately love you and you four would sometimes play dress up. They’d hand you some of their kimonos and you’d give them some of your dresses and you all have fun—Suma, Makio, and Hinatsuru would also love playing with your hair and makeup!! Tengen would join in too at times~

If tengen is still single when he meets you, then only the two of you would be the one doing dress up (you cannot convince me that tengen would not play with your hair or makeup)

you’d look very flamboyant either way though and even without the makeup or the fancy dress, Tengen would still find you flamboyantly gorgeous

(Again) if he’s already married with his three wives, he would love seeing the three of you bond with each other

(You and his wives love each other too, so you five are just one big lump of happiness and affection)

Like aaaa his heart feels full when he sees all the women he loves in his life getting along and caring for each other!!

He treats you all equally and showers all of you with his love and attention

Tengen will forever be glad that he met you, and got to you before the demon could, because you added so much love and happiness into his life

A/N: ngl, this was a nightmare to format u—u hope it’s not too difficult to read though!!

this is also the first time i did a headcanon so i hope i did good!! if you have some feedback or got a request, feel free to message me or send me an ask uwu thank you for reading <33

[voiceless-terror]

1, 7, 15, 17, 19, 30; 25 for "Going Back" (akdlshagshd this is so many soz)

did 1, 7, and 17, so here are the others!!

A Hollywood producer tells you that they want to film just one of your fics. Which fic would you want it to be?

djjfdflkd NONE. if i i had a longer finished fic maybe, but i cant imagine any of mine would translate well ~on the silver screen~

Who is the easiest/hardest character for you to write about? Why?

easiest is definitely jon. i think ive got a good enough grasp on his character to figure out how he’d react to things and i like projecting on him. he’s my boy <3. hardest one to write...would probably be peter? elias? i guess cause i havent delved too much into their backgrounds but i still find them fascinating, and i dont like writing cartoonish villainous characters so trying to balance how i portray them can be sometimes difficult. 

Tell us an idea for a longfic you want to write in the future.

I had a post up with it on my blog for the longest time, but i took it down cause it was mocking me since i hadn’t already written it xD i’ll be writing my ghost hunk uk fic for the big bang, but the other long fic i really want to write is an archivist sasha au where she’s actually still not the archivist, all the statements she gets to work on are fake, she has a very boring job, etc etc. but then she finds gertrude’s tape that makes it seem like her job should’ve been much more dangerous, and she doesn’t think gertrude’s insane so she starts to investigate. jon’s still in research, but he’s always worked on the more intense statements that elias hand picked for him, so maybe he knows more about what’s going on at the institute than she does....etc etc. one day it’ll be written.

Which idea came to you first in [x fic]?

for Going Back i was deep in my post-circus-kidnapping feelings, which is that I’m endlessly disappointed by how little it was addressed and how like...underwhelming the few reactions we get to it are (even Martin’s reaction is lackluster okay, they move on pretty quickly in that conversation!!) so I was immediately struck by the idea of how martin and tim would react to a just-returned jon who isn’t like...coherent, or together, or in any state of mind to hold a real conversation. he was gone!!! for a month!! and then goes through helen’s hallways to return, and i thought of how loopy and discombobulated that could make him and voila... creepy angst fest. the first real detail for this was the idea of jon humming the circus tune because he heard the calliope day in and day out and i went from there xD 

[babysizedfics]

I need to know about doctor mama lo taking care of a sick baby Virgil if you would like pretty please. I dont wanna ask on the in character blog cuz I feel like it would be weird to ask for details and lo seems kinda busy anyway lol.

hey tumblebee!! yeah yeah lets do this, Im gonna write it so that ppl who dont follow the other blog can understand too

WARNING IF U HAVENT ALREADY BLOCKED THE TAGS ILLNESS TW AND VOMIT TW THEY ARE VERY PREVALENT IN THIS

also this is a VERY long headcanon!!

so last night vee got ill, he had been regressed in the afternoon with patton and he was acting much more fussy than usual - not being entertained by his cartoons, not having the energy to play with his rattle, pretty much constantly whining and pouting and he gets very wriggly when he's fussy

patton assumed it was because vee had been upset earlier that day. at one point vee started gripping his stomach, and patton assumed its because he was hungry and could smell the food roman was cooking

but when dinner came around no matter how hard patton tried he couldnt get vee to eat a morsel - he kept turning his head away from the food and whining. at one point patton and logan both managed to convince him to eat a spoonful but his face crumpled with a wince and it looked almost painful for him to swallow it. it was at this point logan noticed he had a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead

things fell into place quickly after that - logan checked his temperature and it was indeed slightly higher than was healthy, they noticed vee's hands were trembling and he was constantly on the verge of tears :(

while patton cleared away dinner and excused roman who wanted to go and craft in his room, logan took vee to his bedroom and tried to check for more symptoms, since vee was non verbal and unresponsive totheir questions. he tested his tummy by pushing it a little to see if the pain got worse when he released it (this is a test for appendicitis) but there was no reaction thankfully except vee being upset by logan not cuddling him. he checked his throat for any redness or infection, nothing.

vee's crying became more pronounced and eventually he was in constant tears, occassionally pleading 'mama mama' through sniffles and hiccups and whines of pain :(( Patton brought him a baby bottle of cooled tea made with fresh mint leaves since that is supposed to help stomach pains. though he left the room again since logan thought it was best not to crowd virgil. Vee's crying had dissipated but he was strangely silent and seemed almost loopy now. he only drank a little of the tea before he pushed it away with a gag.

logan immediately took him to the bathroom knowing what was coming, and sure enough vee threw up into the toilet, crying between gags. logan dutifully managed to keep vee in his lap the whole time and held his hair and rubbed his back, telling him he was such a good boy the whole time

Thankfully it didnt last long as there wasnt much in vees stomach to be emptied. he was shivering and sweating and flushed and had lost all energy. he wasnt even crying anymore, just whimpering under his breath. with a bit of a struggle logan managed to show him how to rinse his mouth out with mouthwash - though he had to hold vee over the sink and pat his back to make sure he didnt swallow it

during all of this patton wasnt able to help because of his heightened empathy, if he sees someone throwing up the likeihood is he will too and that wiuldnt be very helpful! so instead he drives to the store to pick up some medicine and ice pops - and comes back with half the store including some actual baby medicine smh - ((im actually begging u to read that linked post i think its so funny))

it was originallly meant to be logans night to put roman to bed but understandably patton took on that task instead. after roman was drifting off patton pokes his head into vee's room. he had hoped to find lo and vee asleep but they werent. they were lying in the dark with an in the night garden audio story playing on a portable speaker and with vees salt lamp and star night light lighting up the room in a soft glow.

logan offered a strained little smile and nod to patton as he stroked vee's hair and cuddled him close. vee was completely out of it honestly. his body was wholly lax against his mama, his lips were in a permanent pout and his eyes were puffy and wet. he barely even acknowledged his papa coming in, his teary eyes just settled on him for a moment then dropped back to the bedsheets without a reaction. he kept lifting his thumb up to suck on it but logan kept capturing it and apologising as he brought it away. Vee shouldnt suck on his thumb and logan doesnt want to give him a paci while he's ill. understandably, baby vee was completely miserable.

patton asks if logan thinks vee could handle a popsicle or plain crackers at the moment but logan disagrees. he doesnt expect either of them to get much sleep so he will make sure vee eats something in a few hours. with a gentle kiss on vee's forehead patton goes off to bed, confident that logan will be able to look after vee and will come get him if theres any issues

logan and vee really dont sleep much at all. Vee drifts off for a few minutes at a time then gasps awake from vivid fever dreams. logan keeps ice cubes in a bowl by the bed for vee to suck on if he needs to cool down and wraps a couple in a flannel to press to vee's head when his fever rises in the middle of the night.

around 3am logan jolts awake and realises he had drifted off. and vee isnt anywhere in the room. he panics momentarily, bolting up from the bed and dashing to the closet to see if virgil is in there - which he tends to do when he is overwhelmed - but then he hears sniffling from the bathroom.

he finds vee, no longer regressed, curled up against the side of the bathtub with his bangs clinging to his sweaty head. vee is the palest person logan knows but he looks positively grey at the moment

'can i help in any way?' he asks, aware that he doesnt need to baby talk at the moment but still eager to look after this bundle of miserableness

virgil just groans under his breath and clutches his knees to his chest. 'i.. i didnt know what to do with the..' he gestures vaguely to something on the floor

logan notices virgil, being not regressed anymore, had obviously wrestled off the diaper he had been changed into the night before and not known how to dispose of it

'its ok, ive got it' logan wraps it up in a bag and puts it in the trash can they have in the room for just this purpose

'sorry.. m stupid' virgil croaks

'You're not stupid.' logan says firmly as he washes his hands 'You're ill and probably delirious from the fever. it's alright virgil'

theres quiet for a bit longer, virge's head pressed against the porcelain edge of the bathtub likely in an attempt to cool his fever. logan stays there with him for a while just waiting. then suddenly virgil starts sobbing and buries his face in his hands.

'sweetheart, tell me whats wrong please' logan hurries to kneel beside him, lifting his hands away from his face. that wouldnt help the fever

'i dont feel well' virgil cries pathetically, tears rolling down his face.

logans heart breaks 'no, you dont. i'm sorry little one, i know its not nice'

at the nickname virgils thumb raises to his lips again, which logan hurriedly intercepts. 'i'll make you a deal, okay? you're allowed to use a pacifier, but you have to use the same one everyday until you are better. we will need to sterilise it every night too.'

vee sniffles and nods, then chokes 'm not a baby right now though'

'that doesnt matter. you dont need to be regressed to want one of your pacis, vee'

vee is unresponsive and starts scratching at his pyjama pants. logan gets a feeling he isnt saying something. then he notices virgil's pout is much more infantile than his adult ones. 'are you feeling little, baby?'

with a harsh shake of his head vee starts crying again. he whispers 'dont wanna be a b...' then cuts himself off and whimpers

logan cards his fingers through virgils damp bangs. he knows what virgils mind has jumped to. 'were you going to say you dont want to be a baby?' he lifts virgils chin up to look at him 'or that you dont want to be a burden?'

virgils pale lip wobbles 'same fing'

'no sweetheart, no no no,' logan sits on the tiles beside vee and pulls him into his lap. virgil goes willingly. logan rocks his baby as he says 'youre always always allowed to be a baby and its never ever going to upset your family. even if you're an adorable wonderful brave baby boy alllll of the time' he scribbles his finger on virgils rosy cheek and delights at the tiny smile it earns him. 'but especially when you're feeling yucky. you feel a bit yucky today dont you, little one?'

vee nods with a pout

'but yknow whats not yucky? softies and pacis and diapers and lots and lots of cuddles with mama' he holds virgil tighter to prove his point. vee sighs and drops his head to nuzzle against his mama's neck. logan feels he still has a slight fever. 'i know what might help you feel less yucky. does my sweet baby want a sweet ice pop?'

thankfully vee nods against his shoulder and grips tight onto his pyjama shirt, preparing for when logan lifts him up

he first makes sure to change vee into another diaper and even decides that he should wear one of mama's t-shirts as a light dress so he doesnt get as overheated by his pyjamas. at this point vee actually giggles for the first time pretty much all day as he feels the tshirt swish lazily around his legs. logan makes a mental note to observe whether little vee might want to try wearing dresses if the feeling sparks this much joy (at this point logan is unaware that vee has secretly been trying skirts and dresses in his room for months, and roman found out a few weeks ago, but vee isnt ready to tell the cgs yet)

by the time vee is in his diaper and mamas tshirt dress and has a paci and jiji clutched to his chest he is a lot calmer and happier. he's still very ill and exhausted and teary, but theres a tiny smile on his face instead of a pout. in the kitchen he picks a strawberry ice pop and it goes down well, logan convinces him to have a cracker too though vee is in such a young headspace by then that he is just sucking on it, which logan supposes is fine too

by the (real) morning vee is still regressed and has managed to have a couple hours undisturbed sleep. its not much but its better than nothing. logan didnt fare much better. by then vee misses his papa and asks for him and logan hands the responsibility over to papa patton, trustinf the other caregiver enough to catch up on a quick power nap himself

but yes, the main thing is vee thought being ill was a burden enough that he shouldnt be regressed too, but logan makes him see that its okay. vee is regressed pretty much the whole time he is ill over the next few days because its stressful and painful and its a lot easier to feel comforted when ur a baby

yeah! gosh that was long, theres probably a billion spelling mistakes! feel free to ask follow up Qs if i missed anything u wanted to know abt this event

[kissesandcream]

im writing this at like 12am so I might be a lil all over the place but I am here to continue the ziyu wholesomenesss😌 the meaning of the name depends on which character you use but I chose zi (子) which means 'child' and yu (钰) which means 'gold treasure' it's a very literal name considering how we literally use seelies to treasure hunt and my seelie is gold but I like to think that hu tao named the seelie 'ziyu' bcuz she sees ziyu as her own child if yk what I mean (not really her own child but someone/something that will always be by her side :D) and the yu (钰) is there bcuz zhongli probably compared ziyu to gold and that created the name 'ziyu' omg idk if I explained it correctly, basically the 'zi' comes from hu tao and the 'yu' comes from zhongli :D im a little loopy at this hour forgive me HGAHJSKJH BUT ANYWAYS boo tao getting jelly of ziyu is so funny bye HSJSVG im tempted to draw this ngl :o ziyu and hu tao hugging and then there's boo tao in the background looking all ">:(" ziyu is very scared of zhongli, sadly <//3 BUT BUT just for my own happiness and yours too, overtime ziyu warms up to zhongli :D still getting a bit scared sometimes when zhongli looks serious but sometimes you'd see zhongli and ziyu examining liyue stuff to buy :D and when ziyu acknowledges the object that zhongli pointed at, in the shopping cart it goes <33 I can just imagine zhongli telling his usual stories ykyk and then there's just ziyu floating above his shoulder gurgling happily every once in a while as if encouraging zhongli to continue <33 I have more scenarios but my fingers are getting tired HAVDGJD do tell me some scenarios/hcs you may have thought of while reading :DD and I dont think we can co op with ziyu bb😭 ziyu is in asia <//3 unless you make an asia acc and😳🤚 speaking of, I really need to build my characters properly in na <//3 —✿. with mine and ziyu's blessings, 🐚 essay anon <3

help why were u awake at midnight 😭 i hope u got some rest after LMAO

OMG THATS SO CUTE ziyu means treasure child 🥺🥺 the way hu tao and zhongli named him together <333 imagine hu tao calling ziyu 'zi' and zhongli calling ziyu 'yu' and at one point it only responded to ziyu jhgyuj

pFf childe checking his bills and just "zhongli why did u buy all that gold" "....." "zhongli" "....i may have aquired a seelie fren" "..."

SEELIES ARE ATTRACTED TO SHINY THINGS TOO,,,, DAMN I ALMOST FEEL BAD FOR CHILDE'S WALLET

zhongli wld buy children's books for ziyu i dont make the rules ✋ him at the cashier just "this will be a lovely read for ur child sir" "i dont have a child" "..oh?" "its for this seelie" "....o h..."

damn a wall of country separates me and ziyu 😩 omg i should start an asia account,,, im convincing my dad to get out ipad fixed so as soon as it is i will definitely have the time 👀 we can co op together and u can carry me until im strong LMAO

[autumn-foxfire]

What Im thinking about today: BNHA n stigmatization of psychology.

The thing is, we as humans are very ready to help each other (most of the time). Thats why we try to rehabilitate prisoners, thats why we volunteer, thats why proffesions such as doctors, social workers and psychologists etc exist. I think we talked here before how most villains in the series havent been failed by heroes, they've been failed by societal safety nets that were meant to catch ppl like them, just like social workers try to catch endangered kids and psychologists try to catch people with mental problems.

Now i study psychology so ill concentrate on that. Obviously it depends from place to place but mental care is still very often looked down upon as 'something for crazy people.' I have personal expirience with that as when i suggested to my dad that maybe he should look into a psychologist too (after my brother started going to one) cuz he has some issues that he could use a hand dealing with, his response was 'what? But im not crazy'. I study psychology and he still often makes jokes about me treating crazy people in the future. I interviewd a school psychologist for a class and she told us that one of the first things she has to do in a school is get students to relax and feel comfortable coming to her with problems cuz there is a very clear stigma in everyones mind that asking for help with your mental problems is something bad, something wrong, something that means you are crazy, wierd, other and people do fear that stigmatization. Going to a psychologist doesnt mean you are crazy, it means you are having problems that you cant deal with on your own and that you need proffesional help with. Nothing more, nothing less. Those problems can be depression or they can be helping you to deal with lingering emotions from your divorce. Big or small, psychology is simply there to give you support and tools you need to feel good again. You wouldnt stigmatize someone for going to the doctor for a soar throat or cancer so you shouldnt stigmatize someone seeking p much the same help for mental illness.

But people still do because things ingrained in society are very very hard to uproot and things are going for the better with every generation but its a painfully slow process and there is no telling how many people fall through that net because they dont seek help when they still can because they think 'im not crazy im not gonna go to those mumbo junbo psychologist that mess with your head' which is very much like going 'im not gonna go to a doctor for my infected wound, they would mess with my body'. Untreated infections spread and get worse and people fall through.

This is what leads me back to bnha. We dont know exactly how long the world of quirks existed, i think i saw a post breaking it down to be for about 100-300 years but for the life of me i cant remember. We know its not terribly long. 100 years may seem long until you remember a single human can live to 100 years old. Now my question is, if a science such as psychology that has been present since like ancient greeks n egypt n stuff can still be stigmatized.

How accepted would quirk counseling be?

Lets not forget that quirks were heavily discriminated against in the begining, treated as monsterous and the other and the acceptence of them is still something fresh and more extreme mutations still face hate groups. Like its completly canon that there are people alive now in bnha whos parents or grandparents faced discrimination or died because of quirk discrimination (cough redestro cough).

Imagine being Togas parents.

Your child displays a quirk like that. You still have in memory your parent or grandparent who was discriminated and monsterized because of a similar quirk. Quirk counceling exists but why should you take your daughter there. Shes not a monster, this isnt something you should get someone else involved with, its a family matter and what do those counselors know anyway, they will treat your daughter as a monster and make everything worse. You can handle this yourself, you can teach her to supress it. Shes not a monster.

The wound festers.

This especially goes hard for japan whos big on the keeping things in the family aspect and not discracing the family. The stigma is still fresh in the memory and you dont want to be that family whos kid goes to quirk counseling. You shut the doors, you shut the windows, you deal with it within the family.

I think that while quirk counseling exists in bnha, it would most likely be seen as something thats shameful to atend, a admitance that you dont have control over your own quirk. Your friends might say 'what the fuck man why are you going there, you arent a monster' even if a quirk that has negative effects should be treated as shortsighted eyes that need glasses. Just because it doesnt function well, doesnt mean its bad. But well stigmatization of disabled is a whole nother thing our society also has problems with and that also connects to bnha (cough aoyama cough). I think thats why its so easy for people in bnha to fall through those safety nets. I do belive they exist but they are new, probably not the most super effective as most new things tend to be and are probably looked down upon.

And hate to break it to shiggy and the crew but thats the kind of a problem that can only be fixed my longterm education and normalization of asking for help rather then burning the systhem to the ground.

I hope that made sense i always get a little loopy with my points when i write a long one fgdgff

No, it makes sense.

Mental health is still stigmatized everywhere, even here in the UK where we’re supposed to have some of the best health care available (which is debatable). To bring something a little personal into this, my flatmates and I were playing a guessing game where I had to describe a word with other descriptions being taboo (in my case it was headache) and as my flatmates know I suffer from chronic headaches, I said as a clue that it was something I get often. Well, a flatmate who was a little tipsy at the time who knows about my depression shouted depression to my other shocked flatmates (I didn’t mind, in fact I found it hilarious). But after we had all calmed down, one of my flatmates said something that stuck with me: “Maybe you shouldn’t overshare things”.

Now, I don’t see telling people I have depression as something I’m oversharing. It’s not private, it’s a mental health condition I suffer from that can kill me if it goes unchecked (before starting medication again, I was very suicidal). In fact, it benefits both me and my flatmates to know that I have depression just in case. And yet it was viewed as something that I was “oversharing”.

This attitude has only arisen because people treat mental health as something that is shameful and should only be known among family members. In fact, I had no clue that DASS (a disability service in uni) was actually also for mental health issues because we’ve been raised with people treating mental health as something “in our heads” and so isn’t as important as physical disabilities, it was only until my uni pointed out that it was there for every condition, physical and mental.

The point I’m making is that I can totally see mental health in BNHA be treated as a shameful secret. Japan doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to mental health anyway (don’t they have some of the highest suicide rates?) so it wouldn’t surprise me if the BNHA universe is the same. In fact, the only mental health issues we’ve seen in BNHA currently are the extreme examples of it such as Twice and Dabi’s mania.

I would love to see Horikoshi delve a little more into quirk counselling and the potential stigma behind it. I know it’s been brought up once or twice (UA treats it as something normal but as teachers who see mental health issues all the time, it’s no wonder that they do) but not enough in my opinion when it’s probably one of the most important stop gaps between making villains.

I don’t have much hope, admittedly, but it would be something fun to explore in fanon too!

[hazelenergy]

What happened that final night.

One year ago today was my last Elysium in Atlanta. And in a mere 48 hours, I will have betrayed and killed my adoptive sire, blood bonded myself to the wild sister of two famous Malkavians, and lost two people I loved. 

A few days prior to this night was the beginning of the end. A bloodhunt was called in Atlanta. Not for me. Not for the other thinbloods. A salubri had entered the city. Our adoptive sire, Mary Andrews and primogen of the Tremere (and the only Tremere in the city..I dont know actually why she was alone but I have theories) ordered her children, myself and my two shovelheaded broodmates to bring this man to her alive. We complied. At first. 

Solomon had been working closely with Reverend Clancy, the primogen of Clan Brujah. We never knew Solomon’s bloodline, but he vibed with the righteous and nonviolent nature of Clancy’s leadership. Clancy told us the other half of the history of clan Tremere and the Salubri. We were devastated. And now our adoptive sire wanted this man and would probably experiment on him like she did to us. And it would be worse. He can heal. He’d be able to endure what she did to us. So Clancy asked us, two lowly thinbloods, to help him and his clan free this man and get him out of the city. We said yes without questioning the consequences. 

Long story short we put our ability to blend with humans to the test at Airport security. We managed to slide through the TSA check with ease- without tipping off the inquisition either. Solomon and I had intercepted the international flight by getting the plane to dock in the incorrect port, allowing the Salubri to slip past the sheriff and his hired guards. Things didn’t go as well as we hoped- as the Sheriff caught on to someone was messing with the radio tower and hopped over to where we were hiding. We had already called the brujah boys to the airfield to intercede the sheriff’s men. A huge fire fight broke out. The brujah were losing so Solomon and I made a rash decision. We used far reach together and launched a fuel tank at the gun fight- fire engulfed the scene. Solomon and I fled into the night- starving, but unscathed. Cue camarilla media blackout and clean up. 

The next night we were ordered to return to the chantry. We refused and gave pitiful excuses saying things like keeping face by going to a night job or Solomon had a legit excuse of needing to write his Yom Kippur service. Instead we tracked down Clancy and the brujah and high tailed the Salubri out of Atlanta. Clancy handled the money for the dark flight and I wore less clothing to convince the guy to bypass security. Our Salubri was in the air and out of Atlanta. But the sheriff was on our trail. Someone had to take the blame. Clancy knew how hard we had worked. He was the only kindred who knew about the safehouse project. He took the fall for freeing the Salubri and let himself be staked by the sheriff as we fled unseen into the night. 

The following night, we did go to Mary’s Haven. She immediately shoveled us into the car and took us to Elysium. She knew we had something to do with this. Or just wanted to see us squirm. Regardless. Clancy had been placed on trial for his crimes against the Prince and the brujah were ready to Throw. Down. The air was tense and violent choleric resonances dominated the room. There is one brujah in particular, Jamal. He was basically an anarch. The only reason he wasn’t a Baron and fighting the Prince was because of his faith and trust in Clancy. He was nearly going to free Clancy then and there- if it wasn’t for Solomon. Sol begged him to let him play the political game first. Solomon  offered himself to the prince as the duskborn primogen. He advised the prince that Clancy’s life was the spindly thread that kept the brujah from rioting. Solomon ruled that Clancy should be exiled but allowed to live. The Prince agreed. The brujah and Jamal backed down- begrudgingly. Clancy was still staked and was to be driven out of the city once Solomon achieved a few goals as his new primogen. Mary was furious. Was it because her ex had arrived in the city and had gotten close to her other child? Oh that was a part of it- for sure. Somehow this night really did not go according to plan and the car ride home was AWKWARD. 

That night Mary tried to get me to drink from her again- which uhhh no. Idk what you all know about Tremere who follow Carna- but they can still blood bond. And that made her even angrier. She was willing to try anything to get either myself or Solomon to comply. We resisted. That’s when I figured out Mary had slipped on some control over us and wanted to reclaim it. So, I left the haven that night and went to get some sweet distractions at Atlanta’s Asylum chain. That’s when I decided to stop being careful and took that final drink- as a huge fuck you to Mary and to give myself the edge I wanted. I’d have the swirling madness and premonitions in my system for a while and could be thinking ahead of her. I didn’t realize how loopy I’d get. I felt higher than ever before and couldn’t keep my thoughts from spilling out of my mouth.  I stumbled back into the chantry and told my adoptive sire this:

“I reject your blood.”

and

“Any kindred that bothers with me is up to something. You. You chose me. YOURE Up to Something And I wont let it happen.”

She looked me in the eye and said, "tell the truth."

I babbled about everything. The page from the book of Nod and how I copied it. The alchemy I kept from her. The thaumaturgy I tried and made a mess. How she blood bonded Tommy. Letting the Salubri go. How I knew about her plan to usurp the Prince- the madness told me what she’d do. We argued until the sun came up. I went to bed, thinking that I’d have to continue the talk in the evening. I didn’t expect to find myself warded into my own room, windows loaded with explosives, security cameras installed, and my girlfriend Lisa trapped with me. Mary had called an emergency Elysium- excluding Solomon. They were planning our executions. I made it out, barely. Mary’s ghoul and Lisa were killed when one of the explosives went off. There was nothing left but her necklace. In a fit of grief, rage, sorrow I don’t know what emotions I was feeling but it was a lot of them. I obliterated the wards around Mary’s private lab and took whatever I could carry. 

We drove off, thinking we’d lay low for a few hours before Mary could use trail of prey on me. We could beg borrow and steal to get our things and get out. I had just parked the car when I vomited the first time. My blood began bubbling and boiling and oozing out of every open surface it could. I had three bullet holes in my stomach- the bullets were pushed out as my blood gushed. I spent the next fifteen minutes in agonizing pain as Mary called my phone. She heard every gag and wretch- and laughed. The ultimatum was to bring me before the Prince to be put out of my misery, and return what I stole. I told her to go fuck herself. Within seconds, my blood was boiling again and I was a mess on the sidewalk. 

The next few hours were agony waiting. I didn’t know if she’d do it again. But the clock was ticking. The Prince had ordered a hunt for us. And Mary’s ritual to dominate the Prince and the entire court was already ignited. We could have just fled right then. Fuck the Camarilla of Atlanta. Fuck everything about this place. Lets leave and never look back.... But Solomon still had too much to lose in Atlanta- and was willing to fight for it. And Cass had old wounds from Mary (they were an item at one point omg). And I wanted to go so badly- but what I wanted more was to see her vitae spilling out onto the floor as I drove my knife through her. So after cleaning myself from the third wave of dagons call and alleycat hunting for the first time- we took what little time we had left in the city to put an end to this. 

We used the first hour before sunset to gear up. I immediately drove out to the few spots to where thinbloods were hiding and told them to RUN. Find a new city or something- just get out. A few times they looked at me with power hungry eyes. It was a perfect opportunity to take a wanted kindred to the Prince and move up the ranks. I reminded them that they are not known by the prince. And to take me in was to also announce themselves- amidst a time when they are using thinbloods as scapegoats for anything gone wrong. And BOY. Is it going wrong. The last stop I made was to my alchemical dealer. I drained my bank account and bought some of the most powerful brews I’ve ever drank. As a parting gift, or grift if you ask me, he let me have his best brew: Potence.

Solomon went to free Clancy with a group of the brujah boys. A minor fire fight broke out. Solomon was a bit roughed up- both physically and spiritually. I think he had broken one of his own oaths and it was weighing heavily on him. 

When we met up at the edges of Mary’s Haven- we didn’t realize how quickly she had redone the wards. As one of the Brujah boys drove up the path it kept twisting and winding to steer us back to the front gate. Eventually I crawled into the drivers seat. Even though I wasn’t welcome anymore- I was the last one to drive this path and now armed with malkavian whispers. It wasn’t my best driving. Certainly creative. But I got us to the bottom of the hill and we could see the lights to the haven. Mary had laid tons of traps as we made our crawl up to the porch. Landmines specifically. Seriously, where the fuck did she get these? Were they always here? 

When we made it to the porch, the sheriff sat illuminated by the single flickering light. That certainly explains why it was so easy to bust Clancy out. Solomon took the diplomatic approach and tried to reason with the sheriff. I knew it wasn’t going to work and hovered one of the explosives over him. If anything happened to Solomon I’d-- two gunshots. Solomon clutched his chest and fell to the ground. There goes the second person I believed was actually good in this world. Thats when fresh vitae rained from above. Yeah, this is where I get frenzy bombs. The brujah boys immediately attack each other. Clancy and I keep our cool. 

I dropped the explosive and the sheriff flies back into the haven. I go to enter the door, and am met with Mary’s hell cat. Far reached the cat aside. I didn’t care. Nothing was going to stand between me and ending this. The sheriff, his skin singed and peeling, turned to me with frenzied eyes. Far reach again. He’ll never lay a hand on me again. I held him still as Cass drove the stake through his chest. We tossed him aside. 

Thats when we realized the basement was warded. It sent Cass flying back everytime she got close. Even Clancy couldn’t get closer than five feet to the doorway. So I pulled out that potence brew and drank it. I slammed my fist into the mahogany floorboards and crashed through two levels of the haven. I fell to my knees surrounded by rubble and looked up to see my adoptive sire performing her ritual- the circle nearly illuminated. “Mom, I’m home.”

When it came down to it, my hand shook and I couldn’t pull the trigger. At first I tried to far reach her out of her circle, but my hunger had gotten the best of me. So instead, Cass took my hand. She fired at my adoptive sire. The Tremere collapsed and fell to ash. I hadn’t seen someone suffer final death before. I stared at the wispy grey ashes fluttering around the room. Suddenly, the house began to crack and crumble. Clancy grabbed both me and Cass and leaped out of the rubble. When we got back to the ground level- the sheriff was gone. Jamal had taken all of him-the last drop. He told Clancy that Atlanta won’t be the same without him- but its going to change in a way he didn’t like. Clancy looked so disappointed. Without a word, He turned and picked up Solomon’s corpse. Sol was now warm. He was dying. He breathed his last breath in Clancy’s arms. The old brujah carried him to his family that night and they got to give him the proper funeral for his faith.

I told Jamal my dark secret and it’s why I couldn’t stay in Atlanta. He told me to get moving and come back when I’m zeroed. “I need a chameleon that can put on charm and take a punch like you.” I was still chased out of Atlanta by a few kindred who wanted that sweet sweet blood hunt boon- but Jamal used it to his advantage. He took them out as I sped away with Cass to Miami. I don’t know what the affairs of Atlanta are like- a mere year later. I know Jamal was going for the Prince since was now without a sheriff missing his two heavy hitting primogen. But regardless of who is in charge- the duskborn trio perished in that haven that night. And we keep it that way.

~HB

_____

Here Jackie, this is the sob story. @ventrue-in-control​

[mistymark]

the one with the annotations.

dong sicheng x reader // 3.7k words // masterlist // send requests here

summary; in which sicheng keeps writing in the books at the library and it should be obvious but that’s,,, not,,, allowed???

warnings: none its just fluff, theres some humour if u like,, squint

requested; yes :D - “Enemies to lovers 👀 with sicheng? Love your writing btw 💕” from anon

notes; based on this prompt: ”You’ve got to stop returning books full of corrections and spiteful comments in red pen bc I can’t stop reading them and my boss gives me disapproving glares when I laugh at the funny ones

ohhhhh boi

so while you were at uni you had a part time job at the library

because surprise surprise as a lit major you like books

shocker there

you always tried to work the late shifts, closing up and doing the returns

just because it was easy and relaxing organising and restacking the books

but soon you wished you took the earlier shifts

because of dong sicheng

not to be dramatic but

your long rival

he started coming to the library to borrow books

because that’s kind of the point of a library

but he ended up liking the environment for studying

and would stay there for hours just to study

and you’d admire his hardworking nature

if he left on time, that is

you would do the rounds ten minutes before closing

just to tell everyone like

‘hey, we’ll be closing in around ten minutes if you want to begin packing up’

but this bitch

would nEVER PACK UP ON TIME

you’d end up standing at his table with your bag and the keys in your hand

tapping on the wood to try and get his attention

and him slowly packing up afterwards

even tho he kNOWS you want to go home

‘you’re just as slow as you were in kindergarten hey?’

and he’d be so furious

‘you know you cheated’

‘I don’t remember any such thing’

and maybe you did maybe you didn’t

you were like four years old

as if you’d remember a race you won when you were that age

he just rolls his eyes and leaves as you lock the doors

you leave in the other direction

happily leaving him behind

but he stops by every Monday Tuesday and Thursday night to study

which are the days you work as well

he acts like it’s just part of his schedule 

but he worked out if he came in on Wednesday’s he didn’t have the opportunity to annoy you

and honestly?

annoying you at the end of your shift and after a long session of studying was the highlight of his night

but he keeps borrowing books

and you’re like

whatever

until he borrows this new book you’ve been wanting to read for ages

and you were low-key so bitter

this lil bitch has no way of knowing you wanted that book but somehow he does and that’s the only reason he’s borrowed it

even though,, he literally had no idea lmao

tbh u probably would have wanted to talk to him about the books he reads bc u have very similar taste

okay the same taste

but he’s such an asshole ur like nah fam

anyways he returns it after a week

boy reads fast ok

and when he goes to drop it in the returns box

you just take it from his hand and scan it under your name straight away

and put it under the desk so no one else can borrow it

and when there’s a lull in the work at the library

you reach under the table for the book and rifle through it

and you notice a few pencil marks

and upon further inspection you realise they’re comments referencing certain parts of the book

and you do nOT stand for vandalism

but some of them are fuckin hilarious not gonna lie

on the page you just happened to open

you can see there’s a comment beside a passage of text depicting a fight scene

‘this would kill someone wtf’

and u laugh and wonder who had done this

like the book had only been out for a little while

and u finish it in just less than a week

bc u read a lot during your shifts

probably a lot more than you should tbh

and seriously the comments made the book better

you hadn’t laughed so hard at random commentary so much

like the words were exactly what you were thinking

you couldnt help it

while ur putting some of the books back in the middle of your shift

!!!! you see another book that u might like !!! 

not to judge a book by its cover butttttttt

it looks like ur type oop-

and after flipping through it

to get an idea of font size and chapter length cause ur a whole nerd like that

u see it ALSO has pencil markings

in the borders and underlining sentences

and without even thinking u borrow it

just to read the funny comments again

and ur boss comes up to you during your shift and is like

‘have you seen someone’s been writing in the books? look at this’

and thrusts a book in ur face

and ur like ??????? okay chill I’ll look

and u read the writing she’s pointing at

the familiar loopy handwriting adorning the page

and it says ‘I hope she throws her drink in his face’

when u read the paragraph for context

u realise it’s a confession scene

a few lines down the mystery person has written ‘called it.’

and u can’t help but laugh

like come on that was funny

but ur boss doesn’t agree

she just asks you to find out who’s doing it so they can be suspended from the library

or charged with vandalism

or something

she wants vengeance

u roll ur eyes and go to one of the staff computers

scrolling through the lists of borrowers for that specific book

and it’s a fuckin library that book has been borrowed a loT

2031 times ???????????????

you almost fall of your chair tbh

then someone clears their throat in front of u

and u immediately apologise as u try and get the right tab up to process the borrower’s book

but once u look at the person in front of u

you wish you hadn’t been so nice

sicheng stands in front of you

a grin on his face as he hands you another book

smug bitch is so happy he startled u

‘looking at porn on the library computer, yn?’

u laugh

‘I’m not u in 8th grade’

he glares at you as he takes his book and goes back to his desk to continue studying

u were soooo hoping he’d leave

even tho u kinda enjoyed looking at him

like dude was hot okay

what were u supposed to do????

ur actual job????

please.

so he stays

and when it’s ten minutes til closing

u go and let everyone know

and u stop at sichengs table

and he’s writing out notes or something

idk it’s not like u care anyway lol

but he’s lowkey frustrated bc he keeps messing up this one goddamn formula

so he erases it

and that’s when u catch a glimpse of his handwriting

and bruh am I high or is that the exact same handwriting as in the books

I mean he has borrowed a few of the books

and he’s into that genre

not that you've checked out his borrowed list or anything

basically ur having this whole conversation with yourself in your head

bc ur cool like that

and he’s like ????? why this bitch standing over my shoulder and watching me write out this equation

until he’s like ‘what are u doing’

and ur like !!!!! oh hi !!! sorry I was busy listening to the voices in my head lmao xD

jk jk

‘have u been writing in the books’

and suddenly he’s super shy

and he has this massive grin

and he’s like ‘no’

bitch we know it was u stfu

u roll ur eyes and ur like ‘its not funny my boss wants you to be suspended’

he squints at you

‘how do you even know it was me’

and then:

‘DO YOU HAVE E V I D E N C E’

and u cross your arms

like a badass bitch

and ur like ‘I have plenty of evidence actually’

‘for one, youve borrowed all the books that have been found with writing’

‘and your handwriting matches’

subconsciously he covers his notebook with his arm to hide his handwriting

and he's like ‘why are u telling me this’

you're taken aback by the question tbh

like ?????? to be a good person ??????

idk u fuckwit just wanted to warn you

‘thought you'd want to know’

and he just turns back to his book

and you shrug and walk away like ok get suspended then see if I care

but u do :((

but as you walk away hes like

‘wait’

‘Im gonna be suspended??’

and u nod like ye that's what I just said but ok

‘like I cant borrow or I cant come in at all?’

u don't know tbh

‘both I think?’

and suddenly there's panic in his eyes

another person walks past u and thanks u

and u mindlessly tell them to have a good night as they leave

everyone has left

except sicheng of course

that beautiful son of a-

wait why did u say beautiful

‘what can I do to nOT get suspended??’

and u shrug bc idk dude not my problem

but then u think about it

‘I mean if u get rid of the evidence theres no way u can be suspended, right?’

and he seems so happy at the thought

‘would you help me? please?’

and ur sooooooo skeptical

‘depends. what do u want to me to do?’

‘I mean I need access to the books so’

‘yeah ill let u in and out’

‘I can't exactly just erase the markings when people could be watching’

and that's exactly how you end up sitting in the library with dong sicheng at 11pm at night rifling through books to find odd pencil markings to erase

it wasnt that hard

u just got his record up

*snorts* ‘you borrowed ‘how to talk to girls’ when we were thirteen’

and he just rolled his eyes and marched to the computer like ‘you can see my record I deserve to see yours’

and ur like NOOOOOO nononononono

but later

‘you've read all the light-fighter novels??’

he looks at you from where hes searching for one of the books on the list, an eyebrow raised

‘yeah why’

‘dude,, I loved those books’

and he smiles a little

‘thats where I started marking the books tbh, every time I read it id add a little cross in the corner of the cover bc I read it so often’

part of u is a little impressed

the other is annoyed at how similar your taste in books is

but the first part keeps asking why u hate him so much

other than the staying late and the snarky comments

which you actually find kinda funny-

anyways

once you've gathered up a few of the books

like at least ten each

you sit on the floor of the childrens section

beanbags sprawled out beneath you as u read through some of the books

most of them you've read before

and every time you giggle at something hes written his smile gets a little bigger

but of course youre looking at the book so you dont notice

and he keeps his head down

‘is it bad that im hungry’

you lift your head from the book to look at sicheng

hes not even reading anymore hes just lounging back on the beanbags

and maybe he'd been watching u read

watching as the smile on your face grew wider at his commentary

‘I didnt see you leave tonight. have u eaten?’

you furrow your brows in thought, trying to recall having seen him leave

‘you been watching me, y/n?’

‘have you been eating, sicheng?’

and there's something about the way you say his name that makes his heart jump

his voice is soft as he looks at you in the dark

‘no’

you focus back on the book in front of you

‘finish whatever book youre on and we’ll call it a night’

‘what, you wanna go eat?’ 

you cant tell if hes just surprised or if hes hopeful

or something else

‘no but I do want to sleep’

you laugh and he forces a laugh too

you dont notice the difference

when you've returned all the books

he meets you at the front door as you grab the book you'd been reading that shift

hes just standing by the door on his phone

and maybe its bc ur tired or maybe its just him

but u cant help thinking

Jesus Christ this boy is attractive

and okay maybe u had a crush on him a few years ago

but hey! you were eleven what could u do

the crush still lasted like two years tho lmao

but u shoulder your bag and open the door for him

making sure to lock it carefully

and he walks with you in the direction of your apartment

and ur like oh u live this way too?

and hes like nah

but what kind of boy would he be if he didnt accompany home

like christ y/n u could be h u r t out here at this time of night

but you just smile at him bc wow thats ??? actually ??? kinda sweet

‘who are u and what have u done with dong sicheng’

and there goes his heart again

he just nudges u with his elbow 

and u laugh at him and continue on ur way

when u get to ur building he thanks u for ur help in the most polite way possible

and u can kind of see that hes actually rlly nice ??? how ???

but hes back at the library the next day

and of course he comes up to the counter as soon as he spots you

sneaking around a few desks so u dont hear him come up behind you to whisper ‘BOO!’ in your ear

you jump like three feet in the air and spin around to tell him to get out from behind the desk

‘I dont see a nametag on u that means u have to be on THAT side of the desk thank u very much’

‘didnt realise your name tag said bitch on it geeeez y/n ://’

and u just fix him with a glare once hes finally on the right side

‘are u borrowing a book or not’

‘nuP’

he leans on the desk

his eyes staring straight into yours

‘just wanted to ask if u were able to stay back tonight’

you roll ur eyes

you'd barely gotten any sleep last night

but the look of concern on his face when he realises youre hesitating makes you nod

‘of course,, wouldnt want my least favourite person to get kicked out’

‘I always knew you had a soft spot for me’

you roll ur eyes aGAiN

‘go bother someone else’

‘oh is the hot librarian in?’

you push him away from the desk

but he doesnt miss the faint smile on ur lips

‘sicheng dont make me give you $100 in overdue book fees’

he sticks his hands up at the threat, his eyes wide

‘no. please. ill do anything’

when u raise an eyebrow at him, he just grabs the book you'd been reading (and not yet borrowed) and walks away

and he winks too

u have to stop your heart from beating out of its chest

and later

its 8pm and the library is officially closing

and for the past three hours you'd been walking to sicheng’s desk and subtly been trying to steal your book back

but every single time hes seen you coming

and pulled the book under the desk or into his lap

away from your grabbing hands

every. single. time.

you tap your foot impatiently at him when its time to continue ur undercover project

and he smiles down at his notebook when he hears u huff in annoyance at him

he dramatically looks up at you

‘do you need something?!’

‘do you want to get suspended?!’

he narrows his eyes at you but stands up anyway

he carefully puts his things in his bag and takes the list of books from your hands

a few of them are already crossed out as having been checked and erased

but theres still a lot to go

it takes you almost three weeks to finally get to the last day

and it had been the same thing every time;

sicheng took forever to pack up

you'd eventually find about ten books each

sit in the children’s section

laugh and chat about your lives while you went through the books

tease each other

and when you'd finished,

he'd walk you home

every single time

without fail

it became a habit that on the Tuesdays he'd stop by on his way to his morning class to drop coffee off for you

because he'd kept you up the night before

and it became easy to lose track of time with sicheng

he was just so engaging

there was no part of you that felt bored or uncomfortable with him

yeah he was annoying and infuriating

but his good book taste made up for it

and his annotations in the margins of the books too

‘is this the last of them?’

he squints down at the page again, counting the books on the table again

its the third time hes counted

‘surely ive read more than this’

‘not from this library ://’

you blow your hair out from your face and look down at the pile

‘you know, I think my manager is starting to get really suspicious of me’

‘why’ he looks up briefly from his book to read your face

but you try and remain calm

‘well she only told me about the markings right. and now theyre disappearing’

he looks at you like ?????

‘well she knows ive been closing up late... I think she thinks I did it’

he laughs ‘you? has she met you?’

you pout and throw a pillow at him

‘HEY! what's that supposed to mean :((’

‘it means ive never met someone who's so protective over books as you’

you think about it, chewing ur bottom lip

‘lets just finish this’

‘do u want to get food after’

he surprises you with the sudden question

and the slight nervousness thats evident on his face really makes you want to say yes

but you have a class tomorrow

and you always try and finish up here earlier on a Thursday night

‘cant :((’

he nods and goes back to readng

theres silence for a while

but you find it comfortable

sicheng on the other hand, feels as though hes just been shot down

like

you just turned down his date

you've kinda noticed hes more reserved now

quiet

but rlly hes just kind of embarrassed

until u say something that gives him hope

‘I,, uh, I dont have plans tomorrow night’

and ngl boy is stunned

‘just if u wanted to go see a movie or something idk’

now its ur turn to be embarrassed

u hope ur hair is hiding ur face as u look back down at the book in ur lap bc no doubt ur blushing

but sicheng is just staring at you

and

before even saying anything

he leans over the gap between you

with all the books

and hovers in front of your face

ur so shocked and ur heart is beating way too hard and fast and ur breathing is too quick to be normal are you having an attack I dont know-

and then he leans forward a little bit more

and his lips meet yours

and suddenly its like a fireworks display went off inside you

and then its almost midnight on a Thursday night and ur sitting in the children's section of your workplace in the beanbags with sicheng cupping ur face and kissing you

he just really needed to kiss you

like more than he needed air

and when u finally pull back

he loves how breathless you are

how you have to fight to keep the smile off your face

how you stare at him with wide eyes

‘so its a date then?’

you blush even redder

and nod

‘ye its a date :))’

but for the next fifteen minutes you sit in stunned silence together

small smiles playing on your faces

until u look at your watch and ur like

‘shit sicheng I have to go’

and his eyes widen bc holy crap u were supposed to leave like half an hour ago

so u both sprint around the library trying to put all the books back

and he meets you at the door again after you've grabbed the keys and made sure everything that needed to be locked was,,, u know,, locked

and when ur walkign to the door again

hes on his phone

u cant see but hes texting his friends about what happened lmao what a softie

and when u walk out together

without thinking he grabs your hand

and u walk home

hand in hand

after midnight

he clears his throat

‘so uh,, when actually is our date’

‘my last class ends at 5-’

‘so 5 it is’

‘are u sure??’

he nods happily

and he presses a gentle kiss to ur forehead when u get to ur doorstep

‘ill see u tomorrow’

but the next day

when u come out of your last class

a little giddy

a little too excited

and see him leaning against one of the stone pillars

effortlessly handsome

you feel your heart flip

and maybe ur just tired or maybe its him

but hes really attractive

like really really attractive

its actually just that youre in love with him

he doesnt see you coming

too focused on something on his phone

but he definitely sees you when you push his hand out to the side and step onto ur toes to kiss him

and u can feel him smile a little as he kisses you back

‘ready for that date?’

‘yeah, where are we going’

‘so I was thinking we could go to the libra- HEY! dont hit me I was j o k i n g y/n jesus christ’

[howshouldiknowboutlife]

pLEASE TELL ME ABT YOUR MARTINELIAS AU;;;

AJDGSJFHSHF OKAY!! HERES AS MUCH AS I CAN REMEMEBR ATM!! :D

(Quick note: the time/setting for this is All Times All At Once Time Doesnt Exist I Can Do What I Want lolol)

So! Basically it starts w martin finding a super fancy letter on his desk one day and starting to read it but then throwing it away once he realizes its from elias. He does this with the next 3 letters that show up. he Does Not have time for elias's bullshit. At the next letter he finally opens it bc he can at least skim through whatever the hell it is elias wants and then send him an "unsubscribe me" email.

The letter starts by saying Please Do Not Destroy This Letter!!! Bc elias is also done with martin's shit lol. The letter goes on to basically say: i respect you enough i suppose and neither of us trust each other, so why dont we play a game... we'll write back and forth, telling at least one secret in each letter and we can see who manages to build up enough leverage to foil the other's plot first. Martin warily agrees and thus the correspondence begins!

Unfortunately, what neither of them planned for was l learning so much about the other that they fall in love...

Some more thoughts in no particular order:

Elias ends up telling martin enough hints over time that martin pieces together the fact that he's Jonah Magnus (and begins exclusively calling him that in their letters unless he's mad at him, which is when he goes back to calling him Elias).

Martin starts sharing some of his poetry with jonah, bc the dude literally lived at the same time as Keats (martin's inpiration) and actually manages to give pretty good advice/critique.

Writing these letters lets martin indulge his romantic side more than he ever gets to, and jonah gets to indulge his fancy victorian courting sensibilites lol

No one has known Jonah this well/honestly/truly since he was a child: He's hardly ever felt so Seen before and he both enjoys the freedom of being himself and adores the way he can feel his patron more than he has since he died in the panopticon attempting the watcher's crown. (~Tingly~)

Martin REFUSES to have Jonah looking in on him when he's at home - not a single eye to be found. And Jonah, out of respect and compromise, grudgingly agrees to this.

In public they pretend the letters dont exist and continue being antagonistic towards each other (with an undercurrent of tension and Looks bc the letters do exist and they cant help knowing what they know and feeling what they feel)

Martin LOVES elias's eyes bc he knows theyre the only physical thing that is truly Jonah (and @taniushka12 mentioned martin kissing his closed eyes softly which i then ended up writing a ficlet about but havent posted anywhere yet, if u want it ;)

Martin can feel when Elias is Watching him, usually he just tries to ignore it (bc he is trying to work rn jonah! Please!). But he does have a small sticky note with a drawn eye stuck on his computer monitor that he'll occasionally talk to and feel Elias's gaze through. He knows Jonah is watching him very often nowadays. It's become something of a comfort...

The letters are sitting front and center on martin's desk every monday, fancy embossed stationary and loopy cursive handwriting that nearly kills the eyes to decipher. Its become a routine that brightens martin's every week.

A good portion of the letters (that they arent being absolutely sappy in) is dedicated to starting the stupidest arguments and debates with each other, bc they just love to argue and see what the other person will say. Its what drew them together in the first place so it must continue!! Usually theyre arguments about subjective things that dont matter at all bc its just fun to rile each other up. (For example in the short fic im writing for them rn, theyve been arguing about what type of ice cube is the best for about 5 weeks now... elias likes the freezable shapes bc hes a heathen.)

The others DO NOT know martin has been talking to elias ofc

They will sometimes send each other emails, if theyre impatient for a short quick answer on something

If they have real arguments martin makes sure they learn to talk it out (well, write it out bc thats what theyre best at) and ensures elias cant just drop things and walk away when theyre hard (no cycle of divorces here no sir-ee!). its annoying but elias complies and he does reluctantly admit its a better way to work out issues.

Peter is kinda like, a background past relationship type thing in this au

I am currently finishing up writing a 5+1 Martin ships proposal fic (whoever the anon was who asked for that - it was an inspiring prompt and i refuse to apologize for the wait bc its now 6k words and unfinished) which has Jonah finally proposing to Martin via letter, and i even googled antique rings and found the PERFECT one (see pic below) that Jonah gives to Martin (while agreeing not to look thru it when martin gets home bc he and martin have an agreement)

And.... i think thats pretty much everything ive got rn XD please for the love of god let me know what u think, either in a reblog (dont be afraid to add on!) or in my dms which are always open! Esp for au discussions ^_^<3!

[moving-to-yae35]

Clara was literally made just for Nadia only lol, like she was custom-made for Nadia. I asked myself "what would've Nadia, or generally anyone," want in a spouse?" and boom, Clara was made. It’s hard to imagine what would have happened if I placed her in other routes.

On the rare occasions I do, though, I imagine that it would be one big comedic clusterfuck because it's fun to torture characters sometimes. The relationship would crash and burn, sure, but the main focus would be on how out of place she is from her comfort zone. The idea then started to unravel into an AU but not really, it's more of a very surreal nightmare than an AU. Like Asra and Julian's route would combine, but like there would be no romance at all on Clara's part. The unrequited love quickly goes away since her holier-than-thou attitude drives most people away. Now here where it gets even crazier: some characters whom she likes and appreciates from the game would be missing (meaning her family and Nadia; she also likes Portia's and Muriel's company but im not sure if I wanna be that mean); time and space would get loopy as the plot progresses; similar to Clara's reality (Nadia route) we'd see her dainty and kind lass facade fade but in this nightmare she'd be labeled as a crazy; aside from time and space, alot of things get pretty off like Nadia's disappearance that nobody seems to notice ("...who's Nadia?" "The countess of this hellsite?" "we never had a countess, but we used to have a count named Lucio!" "Y'know what? stick that count up your ass I dont care anymore") and when she tries to point it out, everyone eventually starts to give her the crazy look, yes even Lucio; she'd be the butt of a lot of jokes, and she doesn't take jokes very well; instead of the main objective being to solve lucio's murder, what everyone's deals are, and basically save vesuvia from the plague, her main objective would be to find a list of hard to find items so she could wake up and get out of that nightmare.

I have so many ideas for this and needed to write some of it down crap. I'm so sorry if it sucks. This is literally one big, rambling shitpost.

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

Urgent: i'm getting my wisdom teeth out on Friday and i'm really scared of outing myself accidentally after the surgery. do you know of any way to avoid this, or if it's even a thing that can happen?

Lee says:

I don’t think it’s likely, as I haven’t heard about anyone accidentally coming out while wisdom teeth are being removed, but even if you did, you could deny it after and say it was just the drugs making you say it because you were confused or thought it’d be funny and it was on your mind because you saw it in the news or something. 

When I had all 4 of my wisdom teeth out, I didn’t do or say anything weird. I just asked for anesthesia for my wisdom teeth, no laughing gas, and that might be part of it. I also didn’t do or say anything weird after top surgery or my hysterectomy. I just was tired, I didn’t say much, and when we got home I went to sleep. That was pretty much it. Nothing to write home about.

I think that a lot of the time online or in TV you do see people doing embarrassing stuff, and that’s because it’s interesting or funny, not because the majority of people respond that way. For every viral video of someone acting silly, there’s probably many many more people who didn’t react that way so there was no reason to film them or their video didn’t get as many notes. Similarly, in TV shows they act funny because it’s a plot point- if the character got their wisdom teeth removed and nothing happened, then there’s no reason to include it, so they have to make it interesting. 

Sidenote- don’t bind during anything when you’re under anesthesia!

Here are some reassurances I’ve gathered from the followers and answers other mods have previously written:

Fox says:

You don’t have in-depth conversations. I was quiet, for the most part, and when I did speak, it was about nothing– sometimes gibberish. You sober up pretty fast, too. Seriously, you wake up, they drag you to a room and sit you down for awhile, you feel really weird and your mouth is awkward, your parent(s)/guardian(s) come(s) to get you, and by the time you get out to the car, you’re almost well enough to actively make thoughts into words.

Not a big deal like in movies or on the internet. At least from my experience and ones I’ve witnessed and heard from friends and family. You shouldn’t have anything to worry about.

Kii says:

If you look up post-wisdom teeth videos on the internet, you’ll notice that no one is going to take you seriously while you’re waking up from sedation. I’m pretty sure I woke up and immediately started crying and asking if they could put my teeth back. If you say anything that alludes to you being trans, everyone is likely going to laugh it off.

Followers say:

Anon said: @ the wisdom teeth anon, i got my wisdom teeth out a few years ago and was scared of a similar thing, but even with the anesthetic i was still able to think clear enough to be able to slightly process what i was saying so you should be fine. then again anesthetics can work differently for everyone

pascalethegenderfluidprince said: Chances are you’ll just be sleepy! When I got mine pulled I was just sleeping really long and when I woke up I was a little confused but also tired, so I wasn’t in the mood for talking.

blue-and-bronze7 said: I had my wisdom teeth out a couple months ago, and I was coherent two minutes after first waking up and never said anything weird.

keshiik said: hey i jst got my wisdom teeth out and they dont always give you the drugs that make you loopy!!!!

goshua said: right after I woke up I started talking about lightning mcqueen bandaids. after I got out of the room though I was aware of what I was saying, you should be ok

how-tobe-him said: Best thing to do is to play it off, when I got my wisdom teeth out I said some stuff that made my nurses wrinkle their noses, when asked about it later I laughed it off like a joke.

transgenderadvicegroup said: Hey there! I had the same concerns when I got my wisdom teeth out. Luckily, the stuff that they use to knock you out really doesn’t make you so loopy that you’d come out. When I woke up from surgery, even though I was still under the influence of the drugs, I still had my inhibitions and could remember what I shouldn’t say in front of my family. All I really wanted to do was go to sleep after surgery, and when I woke up afterwards, the drugs had completely worn off, and I hadn’t said anything. So I wouldn’t worry about it, anon, you’ll be more than okay. :)

iaintapartofnosystem said: It also affects everyone differently. Had mine taken out today and I thought I would be out of it, but I was aware of everything and sounded eloquent so don’t stress too much. All that happened for me was that it made me super tired at random times so I took short naps.

istudyhumanhope said: Not to be dismissive about the situation, good luck to the asker… but it’s still so wilde that in America and other countries you get like a full on anesthesia and not just a local one…what are your dentists doing that you need that - sincerely, a european with one wisdom tooth left

sevan7 said: This is for the anon who’s getting their wisdom teeth pulled: I just had mine recently pulled (around April), and I had the exact same fear. Now, you may be prescribed different drugs than me, but it’s not going to make you loopy like the videos on Facebook. They don’t put you on enough drugs to make you that loopy normally. Laughing gas just numbs and relaxes, and the pills they prescribe you after are mainly just for pain and antibiotics. The worst it should do is make you sleepy.

theeverlastingworldiswaiting said: Yeah, I wouldn’t worry too much. I woke up, and the only thing on my mind was ‘ow’ really. You don’t really start spouting anything but nonsense if you want to talk at all, and you’ve got gauze in your mouth so no one hears anything. And I was able to form coherent thought almost right after I woke up, so no accidental outing. I hope it goes well!

little-gay-crouton said: This was my fear too but my girlfriend told me that it really isn’t secrets reveal juice, if something is very important to you and you don’t want other people to know, laughing gassed up you isn’t going to spill thr beans

matcha-boy said: If anon still lives with their parents, you could also tell the dentist you don’t want them in the room until you’re fully off your laughing gas. That’s what I did and everything went smoothly

ragtag-rowan said: Also, I know that I was pretty in control of myself and could stop myself from saying things that I didn’t want to. Not everyone is going to be like that, but if you’re really worried about it, you should be okay!!

reinalagarto said: You could also be sedated via IV instead of Laughing Gas in which case that won’t be a risk at all bc anesthesia doesn’t make you babble afterwards

lihangins said: I was scared of the same thing but even on the drugs you retain some sense of control (at least in my case) so there’s no big worry.

[winsister91]

>send an ask: get to know your author ---> all the number >:3

ARE YOU SERIOUS? Damn. Did not expect this. Well you asked for it!! 

Lemme just go ahead and pop a ‘keep reading’ here coz this shit’s gonna get lengthy.

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?Got a ton of ideas I noted down and still haven't got around to doing? Does that count? I’m lazy and think faster than I write.

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?Published online? Not really. Unpublished? LOADS.

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?Generally chronological when doings fanfics. The piece of shit novel that I’ll never finish has been all over the place.

4) favorite character you’ve writtenAlways love writing Dean

5) character you were most surprised to end up writingDidn’t expect a request to write Richard Speight Jnr fluff! Shocked me a little. But it was fun to do!

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change nowI ballsed up Three Wrongs Make a Right. I had a vision for the ending, but then went off in a completely different direction and backed myself into a corner. Now I dont know how to continue it DX

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?Bit of both I guess. I’m more comfortable with strangers reading my stuff tho. There’s a very select few people I know IRL who have actually read stuff I’ve done. I’ll tell people I write, if they ask to see it, nine times out of ten it’s a huge HELL NO.

8) favorite genre to writeWhen writing original works, I always fall into fantasy. Fanfics I'm a sucker for fluff.

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?I listen to game/movie soundtracks! I dunno why, just helps me visualise stuff and get in the groove.

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?Alone with background noise.

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?Pfft. I don’t think it has haha I’m maybe more confident in actually doing it these days maybe?

12) your weaknesses as an authorGRAMMAR. Super dialogue heavy. Suck at setting and describing scenery.

13) your strengths as an author:S IDK. I may be dialogue heavy but I’d like to think it’s decent dialogue at least?

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?Nah.

15) why did you start writing?Simple, I just enjoy it. Writing is super hard tho, but I enjoy attempting to tell stories and hope it entertains someone :)

16) are there any characters who haunt you?*shrugs* dont think so?

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?LEARN TO GRAMMAR. QUICKLY COZ YOU STILL CAN’T DO IT AGED 26 FGS YOU HAVE AN A-LEVEL IN ENGLISH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?Uuuh...maybe? I’m not observant enough to notice coz I’m a dumb :3

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?PLAN PLAN PLAN. Or just wing it and hope for the best. Depends on my mood.

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?I came to Tumblr during a fortnight off work, so the sessions were looooong and stretching into the stupidly early morning hours. Then I had to go back to work *sulk*. so now its more short bursts coz I’m too damn tired all the time.

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?This sucks. That sucks. Why do I subject people to this trash? NB: this applies to current works too.

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?If it makes me that uncomfortable, I simply won’t write it I guess. Is that cowardly? I don’t like writing abuse.

23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?Lived in a pub in my childhood, have always worked in customer services so I have met and spoken too some nice/fun/weird/creepy people over the years. No doubt some of them will have creeped into the writings. Again, I’m not observant enough to fully notice tho.

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?I wouldn’t say ‘expert’ but I got a request to write a migraine fic (which can be found heeeeere), and I’ve never experienced one. So I did some googling, found a page where people described how a migraine actually felt to them, looked up suggested home remedies, what happens when a migraine comes on etc etc The overall feedback I got from that fic was that I got the description pretty damn accurate! Which was pretty cool :) I would never wish a migraine on anybody btw.

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud ofOh god...guess I better scavenge and see if I actually like any of it...Okay, I’m gonna go with this chunk out of This Means War

“Round 1You skulk up to the blonde Dean has been chatting up just as he goes to the bar to grab them both a drink.“Hey,” you whisper and the girl turns to you puzzled, “My sister hooked up with that guy a week or so ago. Crabs.”Dean approaches while you dance with a baby-faced cutie.“Again?” he says, pulling out his fake FBI ID, “I'll let you off this night Miss Spankalot, but I catch you in here looking for customers again, I'll have to take you in.” Round 2You run up and slap Dean amongst a group of girls on their hen night.“You bastard!” You cry over dramatically, “You're other wife just called to tell you she's pregnant! With triplets!”“She's loopy that one,” Dean mumbles to your next victim, “I heard she pokes holes in condoms and goes crazy screaming you'll be the perfect happy family.” Round 3Dean wanders over to the guy eyeing you up. You watch as he points at you and lip read him saying, “Has a penis.”You make eye contact over Dean’s shoulder to the brunette he's charming. You lean forward, nodding you head towards Dean and announcing, “Micro-penis.””I just really enjoyed writing this chunk. Fun and pranky Dean is always a joy. I like how ridiculous he and reader are getting over a silly bet and determined to one up and sabotage each other. One of my finer moments in attempted comedy I feel :)

THERE ARE YOU HAPPY NOW! (That was actually really fun, thankyouloveyoubye)

[bloodthirstyreviews]

The King’s Men (aftg 3)

★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

This book made the painfulness of this series more worth it. Her writing progresses each book; even if it had a REALLY shaky start, by #3 it was actually readable. I didn't want to put it down and was sad when I had to go to work and had to wait to finish the last 3 chapters.

Andrew is my favorite character by far. I'd say he's up there of better-written characters so it goes hand in hand. I like that he didn't have a total 360 personality shift once he was clean. He was still Andrew, just no loopy antipsychotic mania.

I was kind of bored by Neil, woo protag, he figures everything out and solves all the problems and is fucking nancy drew. I like that she stopped trying to in-depth juggle all the side characters and finally focused on things that actually matter.

(insert spoiling here)

I really love Neil and Andrew together. Maybe because I really just love Andrew and want him to be happy and get some. Though, it does come off that Neil only went along with it because Andrew initiated. I didn't really get the sense that Neil had any interest in dating, let alone Andrew. He wasn't ever written as seeing anyone in that way, so definitely a little awkward intro. "I have 0 romantic/sexual feelings" suddenly into "get me off any time we're in a room together." I still like them together though. I thought at first if Neil would be with anyone it'd be Kevin, but Kevin is in an untraditional committed marriage with Exy and not available. Neil and Andrew work better together. reeeee djsjdisjs.

The way the games are written is sooo much better, even if quite a few are skimmed. It was predictable, of course, they're going to win, but it was good to read still. It actually seems somewhat realistic and I understood what was going on instead of having to reread paragraphs several times to get the gist.

Now a really long rant about Wymack because ew?

Wymack is just such a weak character. He has an important role, starts out with so much potential. But he's just filler. You have to have a coach because sports, but yeah, write him as a lazy uncaring slob so the kids can do whatever they want. I keep waiting for him to have a moment of redemption, for him to do literally anything important. But half the time he's the angry disappointed coach from High School Musical and the other half Weirdly Detached Dad. "ayo yall have some real problems and need help. fix your deeply rooted problems by yourselves you filth." and "since I don't get paid enough to even do my job I'm going to send you off to a stranger and assume she'll fix all your problems in your one session a semester."

Aaaaand because Wymack is useless, we have to write in another useless character: Betsy. I just? why? bother? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF WRITING IN BETSY. I DONT GET IT. Was it all just for the twins truce???? cOME ON.

Also with how much he moans about "I don't get paid enough for this" and "this is above my pay grade" but still has the money to front repairs for totaled cars + tow fees. Still has the money to buy food all the time and pay for ridiculously expensive gear. Still has the money to pay for medical bills and therapy for the team. But also can't pay Aaron's bail...?

He's so inconsistent and I really just hate him. Like bitch shut up, you chose this.

Anyways. It’s worth it for this one. It’s a good ending, wrap up all the garbage that happened to these kids.