#i dont feel like doing jack shit for the next week

[the-acid-pear]

These two lines really make me feel like Susie is only a bully for, let's say, survival reasons. But that's as coherent as i can get so i'm going to ramble the rest of my thoughts on the tags.

[payasita]

Good job getting ADHD medication! I’m so proud of you :D

thanks so so much im very happy and so hopeful for the first time maybe ever but also it TOOK ME LIKE. A YEAR. A YEAR.

like yall for real?? for real. for real i have been diagnosed since i was like six. (funny story my teacher thought i was on the spectrum so my parents get me tested with the nodes and shit and according to mom, who loves this story, my neurologist did all that and talked to me and then just turned to my mom and went "she's not autistic. she just hates the other kids" but they DID find an adhd diagnosis in there so net win for all of us)

diagnosed since i was SIX. on stimulants until i turned 8, and you know why i got off em? my pediatrician retired. we could not find another who would take our low-income insurance. so i just had to rawdog The Rest Of My Fucking Life. diagnosed when i was six. legally neurodivergent for 20 slutty slutty angry years.

and it still took me like. a few months to get a psych appointment. a few weeks to reaffirm my diagnosis as an adult. a few more weeks for another appointment for meds. he doesnt Want to do meds first, because i must have been doing fine without them if its been two decades, right? i got a job and a car and everything. well gee fuckin shittickers Dr. Brain Guy, just WHAT was my alternative? would you prefer i be maladapted to the point of incapacitation; is that what it takes for someone to be considered? i cheated my way through school. every day after work i sit for an hour in my car because i dont have the executive function to stand up and walk the ten steps to my house. garbage just appears around me. i have three empty bags of hot chip and two cans of sprite on my desk as we speak, neither from today. at that point i hadnt had a debit card for six months because that would have required me to Drive To The Bank, a location that was new to me in this area, so i just did everything on credit. is this all normal? is this fine? am i GOOD, actually, Dr. WeirdBrain?

so we cordially agree that yes i should probably be medicated. i want to do a stimulant. he does not want to put me on a stimulant. "stimulants can mess with your heart," he says, "and you're young, you don't want heart problems." i say ok because i dont want to make him think im just looking for narcotics. even though i am. because they WORK. i agree to try some kind of antidepressant.

the antidepressant gives me tachycardia. i go to the emergency room after reading a heartbeat of, oh, 140 bpm, which is about like double what it normally is and juuuust below the You Are Having A Heart Attack threshold. i get to the ER and the doctor there is very obviously convinced i'm a local addict having some sort of episode. it is the most ironic experience i've had all year and i feel an abrupt and all consuming kinship with those birds in australia that will swoop you and peck at your face for seemingly no good reason.

so yeah, we narrow it down to the antidepressant. as it turns out, these particular meds are known to, semi-commonly, Mess With Your Heart. i have my next appointment with my psych and somehow refrain from pecking his eyes out. he puts me on a noreprinephrine inhibitor(iirc) that isnt actually FDA approved to treat ADHD specifically(i DEFINITELY rc) but it IS given to smokers to help them quit. i dont smoke. i may very well fucking start before this whole ordeal is at the point where someone listens to me

it obviously does a combined total of jack and shit, and the man waffles with this one because he has "had success" using it as treatment for other ADHD patients. he ups the dose. twice. three months on the smoker meds, which are also apparently notorious for destroying your appetite, but they didnt even do THAT. no change to the average amount of hot chip on my desk.

he wants to try quelbree after that. i finally tell him i'm tired of this shit and would like to have more than two hours of usable daylight to function before it all falls to uncontrollable youtube shorts binges and a daily experience i like to call The Weighted Nothings and i would very much like to PLEASE. TRY A STIMULANT.

he's been friendly enough with me over these past four or five or whatever months but at this he gets suddenly very very business-baseline. gives me the whole spiel about the north american shortage. gives me a spiel about how i absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, lose or sell this medication, because they will not refill it if i do. i am sitting here wondering if he he's telling the truth about having other ADHD patients at all like ever in his career, and also, am i nuts or should the "don't sell your prescription drugs" bit apply to EVERYTHING? i dont fuckin know man i just live here

he says he wants a urine test first. its scheduled for two weeks out. i take it.

"hey uh, your piss came back with cannabis in it" "well it'd be weirder if it didn't, we are in california and i am a kitchen manager" "you can't have weed if you want adderall" "fine i'll stop" "we'll schedule you another test in a month" "aight bet" it didnt go exactly like that but this is kind of what the vibe between us has devolved into by this point.

anyway i wait a month and get a good grade in piss. i get the meds prescribed. i go to fill out the prescription

all i really need to say to you are the words "prior authorization error" for most of you to get what happened next.

the psych isnt even aware. i wait another month for our next meeting, which was yesterday. i do not yell at him. he tells me to take it up with the pharmacy, and yell at them. i am going to yell at them.

so i go, and guess what, it actually went through a while ago! NO ONE TOLD ME OR DR. FEEL-BAD OVER HERE. but we can't fill it right now because its a controlled substance so come back in a few hours. hey it's ready where the hell are you? TAKE YOUR METH AND GET OUT

anyway i started it today, reorganized my pantry, and fixed the fire alarm in my hallway that's been chirping at me for a week. i no longer have to wear earplugs to bed.

and with my newfound executive function superpowers, i will be spraying my weed-free piss all over Reagan's grave.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Creepypastas comforting the reader

except some of them arent particularly good at it + as per usual jeff ben and toby are written as platonic everyone else can be seen as either or writing a silly little thing before i tackle in on requests, falling into the same vibe as the "hugging/kissing creepypasta characters" post from last week since i do enjoy rating these lads on thing ehehehe obligatory "these style of posts go over my personal character limit but since this is writing for the admin he bends the rules a bit" anyways uhuh totally dont give me ideas for these eheheh winks

SLENDERMAN:

not much of a talker in general, and i think that remains true in scenario where you're upset/crying. but he does make it clear that hes here for you... just... in a general sense. you know? refuses to leave you alone unless you directly ask him that you need space; more so watches out of concern rather than his usual curiosity. i think he would make you a warm drink and let you vent to him. more of a logical approach than an emotional one; better at giving solutions rather than giving comfort.. though i like to think that his tentacles will pull you close if you want to lean into him, will let you cry into his shoulder with no judgement. 6/10 low score simply because sometimes one needs comfort in the moment instead of solutions, you know?

SPLENDORMAN:

i think hes the opposite of slenderman. hes all emotions first, logic later. if he already knows you comfortable with it, i think he would come in and scoop you up in a hug.. hell he might even cry with you, or do the equivalent of it (admin is still on the fence of whether or not he has eyes or not! torn between them being actual eyes or markings) will make you your favorite snacks and drinks, all the while letting you cry and vent to him. gets mad on your behalf if someone had done you wrong, does not make your feelings feel small or invalidated. if he could he would confront the person who treated you unfairly.... and in fact he might, who would ever believe the person that they came face to face with a ten foot tall monster? though... this can lead to him being a little quick to make choices that might have big impacts... 7/10 love this man need to write more for him and develop my hcs

EYELESS JACK:

you know now that i think about it, given how much i write for EJ, i swear ive done a similar prompt at some point. regardless of it i did and if my hcs are the same, im going to go ahead and drop my hcs. i think hes very similar to slenderman in terms that hes more of a solutions > emotion person.. though i do think hes more likely to join you in any shit talking if someone did you dirty... do i think he would target that person next when hes going to go 'hunting'? no... unless the person did something truly awful and unforgivable, then he would definitely consider it.. probably wont go through with a harvest, though.. but thats it whole other thing. more of a talker than slenderman, so at least he has that going for him. lets you sleep in his bed if youre venting to him in his cabin 7/10 one point higher than slenderman simply because he talks more n stuff

LAUGHING JACK:

im gonna be so real i think he can go either way if hes going to be good at comforting you. on one hand hes too silly and might not take it too seriously; or he might try to make you laugh.. which COULD work but other times makes it look like he doesnt care about your feelings. on the other hand i think he can give some solid adivce, but thats only based on the fact that i love it when unhinged hyper characters suddenly drop the most valuable info. shrugs. i mean if you need a distraction, i think lj is your man to go to ! he was literally made to entertain so i dont think its going to be too hard for him to take your mind elsewhere. i think he would offer to cook you something but i also think hed probably be banned from the kitchen because he cant cook for shit. has probably set water on fire somehow level shit. so instead you guys just sit together talking... mostly its him leading the conversation, though. doesnt leave you be until you at least give him a smile... 6.5/10 only because i dont know how to rate him here

MASKY/TIM:

oh not at all emotional. well no thats a lie but hes not very emotive. thats the more correct word. look if we're talking about masky, hes probably going to be really bad at comforting you unless your means to be comforted involves being watched... though i do think he would fall into the act of service hole.. does all the chores and such for you so you dont have to worry yourself about cleaning a pan thats been in the sink for two days now. tries his hand at cooking, but i dont think masky is the best cook.. TIM on the other hand.. but we'll get into that in a minute. probably ends in you guys ordering something but hey its the thought that counts. if someone made you upset you notice over the course of the next few weeks that person starts outright avoiding you and overall seems anxious. weird. probably unrelated! 7/10 only because im badly overworked irl and the idea of someone taking charge sounds like a dream

tim i think would be similar, but hes more expressive for you... will cook for you but if your favorite food happens to be really specific or something else, hes probably going to run out and get it. torn on whether or not he would tell you before he goes, or if he sticks to keeping it a surprise.. i think he would tell you just so it doesnt feel like hes abandoning you when youre down..! not much to be said here other than him being supportive 8/10 i would KILL for some white cheddar popcorn rn

HOODIE/BRIAN:

i think he would put you to bed. actually i think both of them would but to keep things clear im still going to divide this like masky/tims. i think hoodie is going to keep you in bed, even if youre not particularly tired. dont bother trying to fight him on it, hes only allowing you to get up for the bathroom. let him take care of things! very similar to masky, picks up on a lot of the chores. i think he can cook, though, definitely better than masky but i dont think hes like. top tier. likes making you little snacks, or food thats generally deemed as comforting (mac and cheese, cornbread, ect). doesnt talk (sign) much but will occasionally sign to you asking how you're feeling 7.5/10 love this man, so mad kid me used to sleep on hoodie

very similar, but an even better cook than hoodie so be prepared to eat good. communicates with you more than hoodie and makes small talk while cooking. i think he would keep the chat lighthearted and on a different topic rather than tackling your feelings, unless you express that you want to vent then hes all ears! not because he doesnt care more so because he doesnt want to seem prying or nosey and wants to give you the choice yourself. sometimes makes jokes about stuff in order to try to get you to smile. feels victorious when he succeeds 8/10 mad i slept on him too

TICCI TOBY:

i think he might actually be TOO strong and in your face when asking you what happened. only one who outwardly offers to krill someone if someone were to make you upset. but thats just because i think toby can occasionally get protective of you. i mean youre one of his best friends (only friends) and here you are upset! if you dont want him to do anything hes going to try to contain himself. he strikes me at the type to retreat to the roof and look up at the stars... i think he would offer to do that with you; but if youre too scared to climb then he can lay out a blanket for you so you guys can go sit on the grass! surprisingly a very good listener, though very emotionally driven and reacts a lot when you tell him the details of your day.. but its nice, i think, reassures you that hes is in fact listening.. 7/10 gives off brother vibes

JEFF THE KILLER:

ohhoho so this is an interesting one, because i like the idea of jeff still acting like an older brother every now and then even after everything. but he also has that attitude of "i dont care about anyone around me and im better than everyone".. more of an actions than words guy. he wont really say it.. you know? one of those "if he actually didnt care then he would bother giving you the time of day, much less break into your house at night with his arms full of your favorite snacks and drinks". good luck trying to vent to him though, i think its rare that he lets anyone vent to him since he also holds the "ew yucky feelings" thing ben has.. though once in a blue moon i think he would let you and give some decent advice... though every now and then that advice involves punching someone 6/10 is fair i think...

BEN DROWNED:

kind of reminds me of how younger siblings will give their older siblings know they like. kind of like the "my brother saw me crying and asked me what my favorite color is... he gave me things in that color" post/image going around that i cannot for the life of me find but i know it exists because it made me cry. i think its like that. except since hes in your phone he already knows what your interests are.. probably pulls up what your comforts and likes are in an attempt to cheer you up. i dont think he would bluntly speak with you about your feelings, but thats just because he thinks heart to hearts are yucky and cringe/lh. uses videos, art, stuff like that. ehehe silly phone ghost 7/10 because as simple as it is, if someone tossed my cc at me i would feel at least a little better for a moment and its the action itself you know?

PUPPETEER:

i thin hes similar to jeff in regard that he tries to play things off but deep down he does care, and that tends to show more through his actions... though i personally think if you were to actually cry then he might lose it a bit, because who DARE? i gotta admit, im still trying to figure out how i want to write pup and what hcs to give him, but i think.. this is an okay take.. might 'confront' anyone who made you upset, with or without your approval which might make some issues between the two of you.. more ready to let you vent to him though, might slip out some mean insults and words about whatever's got you upset regardless of its a person, chance, or object 7/10

[saturnxlust]

Sighhhh this is a shit post cause i have nothing else to do🫶🫶

John Marston x Fem!Reader

Hes a interesting lover

He isnt that bad but hes not like amazing

I imagine he was a good dad for the most part to john but i dont think he’d want another kid

If you do he might just shove jack in your arms and let you take care of him for awhile

Jack is a sweetheart though🫶🫶

I dont think abigal could really complain about their marriage other then the fact he ran away for about a year and constantly left for days at a time without telling anyone

If you have a problem with that he might just shrug and offer to take you with him

But if you decline and ask him to stay home with you hes not too keen on it

Most of the time its usually missions dutch sends him on that take days but there have been a few occasions where they take a week

When everything went bad with the gang at the bank his first priority was you and jack

He wanted to get you out of this life and run away like he had before blackwater

He knew everyone would be counting on him and arthur to keep dutch sane though so he begrudgingly stayed

When arthur, dutch, javier, and micah go missing its chaos

He goes practically insane not knowing what to do

He also heavily mourns the loss of his “adopted” father hosea

He shuts down almost completely and relies on you for almost everything

Most of his days are spent in his cot wishing for them to come back, that is until you join him

He gets distracted by you almost enough to forget hes lost his 2 father figures and his older brother figure

Micah he doesnt really care about, never understand why the man was so sour all the time

Javier he misses, mostly wanting him to be at the camp to bring everyones spirts up by playing a song

Secretly sings one of javiers songs while working by himself

When they finally come back hes never been happier, but while he was slumped in bed he was imagining hosea would come back with them and that they had grabbed his body to keep him alive

When thats not the case he cries

Genuine tears fall from his eyes that night as he holds you and goes through the grieving process all over again

It took some words of encouragement from arthur to get him up and moving the next day

When dutch and micah flee leaving arthur and him and a few others to deal with their attackers

He doesnt let you out of his sight

Not wanting you to get hit in the crossfire

Once everything was over and you all were safe again he never left your side and his hands stayed on you at all costs

He feels like if he isnt holding you and constantly around you then something will happen

When evrything goes bad and arthur dies? Oh god

You thought he was bad before

Hes awful now

He starts crying as soon as he finds out and if your off doing something he immediately seeks your comfort

Walking up to you and holding you while he cries into your shoulder is the only thing he knows to do right now

When he eventually calms a little hes gone

Lost almost completely

Theres not much you can say without him breaking down again so you decide to be silent

Holding him and running your hands through his hair

He falls to his knees infront of you and his arms wrap around your wait as he cries into your stomach

His hat is long gone somewhere but it didnt matter to him

All that mattered is that his best friend and brother was dead and there was nothing he could do

He wished arthur had told him sooner

He wished he had read the signs after micah began calling him black lung

He wished he had gotten arthur medicine

Even if it wouldnt have helped much it wouldve done something

And then the anger sets in

He gets up abruptly and walks away

Beginning to throw and punch things, nothing at you

Not even close to you

He screams and curses micah and dutches names

Feeling betrayed by those he once called his family

Once the anger leaves he breaks down again

Sobbing and shaking as he reaches out for you, silently begging you to do something to fix this

You just walked over and held him in your arms, letting him fall asleep against you

The last thing you remember seeing is him snoring softly in your arms as you leaned against a tree

Falling asleep yourself after being so tired of being on the run

God knows what happened to the rest and may god keep them safe is the last thought that rings through your head before you fall asleep with john pressed against you

Oh my god i didnt realize how in depth i went with his grief😭😭

[lawfulneeds]

szayelaporro rant just to feel something . So . he is my beautiful husband yes i know i call him my wife but he is my husband. i am the girl uke bottom idiot woman in this relationship #wedonthavesex BUT i am his princess . because sometimes freakishly tall scruffy asian men need to be princesses ok ? and NO i am not talking about nnoitra (i technically kinda am but id rather kill myself than let myself rant about nnoiszay) but my sweet angel is actually crazy right so like . Why tf would i an exception, but i dont think he experiments on me because he thinks im weak and is like “No, Jack, I’d rather keep you alive. You make good company. Smile.” (yes he says smile out loud, so do i and the rest of my family tree) id like to think he just rubs my head like im not even a being to him and moreso just a specimen who follows him around (SORT OF LIKE HOW NNOITRAS LIKE ‘tesra just follows me around’ BUT NNOITRA AND TESRA ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AND WAY MORE COMPLEX IN A WAY ILL SAVE FOR A DIFFERENT TIME) also i hc szayels touchy ^_^ because despite not getting close to his enemies, he’ll caress and lean on the other espada (and the fracciónes too don’t think i forgot) so he just fucking pets me and is like “Aw. How cute, you’re so compliant I almost thought you were braindead!” and then i drool 🤤 ANYWAY. i have a couple strands of hair on my head that my brother likes to call feelers, so i believe they like to feel szayelaporro. WHO HAS THICK HAIR . AHEM…MY THICK HAIRED, WELL MAINTAINED KING. sorry my canon headcanons. he lets me run around inside of his palace and sleep on his bed but im not allowed to touch any equipment 🩷 he genuinely thinks im fucking stupid but like . I’m not (ive analyzed more than he knows) so it’s whatever szayel [insert lawfulneeds beating card here] but i love him! and he loves me! he gives me like some clothes he has and is like “Here. So you can still detect me with your scent.” and it’s lowk sweet ty my angel but hey What? appreciate dat shit on yhwach but do you think im a dog? but hes right i like to Smell him [smiles like the image of squidward where hes like guys it’s okay] i also like to lick him mmm [stomach growls] but im really normal about him. Smile. its also canon in szaylaw lore is that he hits me with his clipboard, on the head, over the head, on the side, in my stomach, on my dick, and other various places and im like “? what i even said” or it goes something like [CENSORED] [REDACTED] [ARCHIVED] [SPOILERED] [BLURRED] [DELETED] [VANISHED] but he also likes to just straight up no diddy beat me [insert lawfulneeds beating cards again] but its one of his many green flags™️ so if you judge him i will fucking kill you until you wake up dead so leave my husband alone!!!!! [clings to him yaoi style, slaps his ass and you hear a screenshot sound] i also just remembered that my brother headcanoned that he annoys nnoitra with his yapping of me and it’s like aww :3 he gaf… but i think it’s more like “(playing with his hair and staring at the ceiling dreamily) Nnoitra you don’t understand. I need him dead.” “(praying mantis accent) do you want me to kill him????? tf?” “(his pupil twitches like in the anime where it just shakes) NO. i mean it in an AFFECTIONATE way you BRUTE. like how i talk about YOU, when i say i want to RIP YOU APART.” “(his eye opens and somehow get more buglike) WHAT DO YOU MEAN BRUTE????? WHAT DO YOU MEAN RIP ME APART????!?!?!?!l” then the two start arguing and maybe even kiss in the middle of it, which confuses the spectating tesra who is trying to calm nnoitra down like “(trying his hardest not to baby voice nnoitra) no nnoitra you’re the strongest espada, szayelaporro doesn’t know what hes talking about” and szayelaporros like “strongest espada? im surprised hes even at number five!” then nnoitra gets even angrier so it doesn’t get any better and its like oouuu….yikes. then it happens again same time next week. but that’s all i have to say about szayelaporro as my husband. Gulp. [turns off livestream]

[harventheblorbo]

Hi,I really like your work.So can I get a fanfic about optimus prime with a human reader,where the reader is struggling with the fact that optimus chose jack over them to guard the key to vector sigma.(optimus is the guardian of the reader and the reader blames mostly themselves for being too weak and regretting every past traumatic experience they shared with optimus.They dont blame jack or optimus.)The reader tries to hide it bcs they dont want to embarrass themselves(as they see it) any further in front of optimus,but the thoughts that everyone dislikes them creep up again and so they become distant and try to make themselves very quiet/serious(they think of everyone as an enemy who finds them annoying again).

Also optimus reaction to that,what would he do?But in general angst with comfort(maybe an explanation as to why optimus didnt chose them).

Sorry if its too long or something doesnt fit the rules of the blog(couldnt find them😂)

One shot of TFP Optimus with a reader that can't understand why Optimus choose jack to guard the key of vector Sigma and not them!

Containing; Optimus Prime

___ is gender neutral and human

Warning; Angst, and swearing.

One shot Summary; ___ can't wrap their head around that Optimus picked Jack to protect the key to vecter sigma but some special bot notices.

When Optimus gave Jack the Key, my heart shattered. Why? Why was I so upset that Optimus gave Jack the key? Was it because maybe I thought that Optimus thought as me as too weak? I couldn't blame him if he did.

I didn't wanna ask Optimus because I was just too embarrassed. What if he got too nervous to tell me and told a lie? I mean I don't think he would but still it kinda hurts. I mean there has to be a reasonable explanation. I put my pencil down and closed my notebook. My therapist had been recommending that I should do journaling so I can have my head clear.

I mean it worked a little bit. But to be honest I think it just made me seem more awkward. The Video game buzzed and I heard Jack and Raf exclaim how the other cheated. It was a 2006 game that Ratchet bought so I doubt that Raf would know how to hack it anyway. Miko tapped me on the shoulder.

"Hey ___, do you by chance have the answer for number 3 on our homework?" Miko asked as she sat down next to me with her homework. "Yeah, it's 8" I replied. To be honest, I haven't been feeling the best recently and felt tired.

"Thank you!" She yipped and ran off after writing the answer down. I did anything to help them as I thought I was responsible to do it since Jack had to do it all the time. But to be honest, I think my whole life is going to shit

But I don't wanna really bring it up to someone. What if I burden them? And who would be the right person to talk to it about it? Ratchet is always so grumpy and would brush me off. Arcee would just ask me to go away or something like that. Bulk head is too nice and I think I would overwhelm him. Ultra Magnus wouldn't be the best to go to for anything. So for now, I just keep quiet. Like I always have.

As the days pass, I realize how distant they have been with me. But then again Ive been distant with them and I think it's for the better. No one has really been talking to me. And whenever they do, its awkward and uncomfortable and small.

I don't really care anymore. I don't care about anything anymore. I can't tell if I'm pissed off or just pissed at my self for being a fuckin fool. I guess I was too late to realize when Optimus was more or less observing me throughout the week until I saw him walk up to the risen area for the humans.

"___? Is it alright if I have a word with you?" I heard Optimus's voice and looked up at him. His optics whirred a little bit and saw how focused he was. "Sure... What's up?" I replied. There was no one around so It was a perfect timing. "I'm sure I can speak on behalf of everyone and say that we are worried for you ___" There was brief science. I nodded to let him continue talking. "You've been distant to everyone. Even the children and it's worrying us. Tell me what's wrong. Please" Optimus leaned a little bit forward as I walked up to where he was.

"Well to be honest, I've been upset about the fact that you chose to give Jack the key..." I explained with a upset tone. Im honestly embarrassed to even be saying these words. I can feel my hands sweat as I fidget with my fingers.

Optimus blinked and pondered on what he was going to say. "I see now." He remarked. "Your wondering why I gave Jack the key and not you, I'm I correct?" Optimus asked. I couldn't do anything but nod my head. "___, the only reason I chose Jack to protect it was because Arcee asked me to." He explained. "Oh..." I quietly stated.

I kinda chuckled. "Well thanks for clearing it up" I thanked him as I looked at him fully while I scratched the back of my head a little. He simply nodded with a slight smile.

[hotchfiles]

Since you liked my last fanfic idea I have another one for ya. (Also, feel free to use/take inspo from if you want. I like sharinfmg, not so much writing) This is a Foyet lives AU.

Foyet kills Haley and manages to find Jack, BUT he doesn't kill him. Instead, Foyet gives Jack a cut that would lead to permanent scaring across his face, from cheekbone to cheekbone going over the nose bridge. A scar meant to be a reminder for Hotch of his failure.

Foyet is then arrested and sent to jail, as the team manages to arrive at the same time as Hotch, stopping him from murdering Foyet. He is given life in prison because the death penalty would have been to kind for a man like him.

Fast forward a decade, and Jack is now 16 when the Scratch case takes place. Part of his school's soccer team and art club, and despite everything in his life, a normal teenager. Fully trying to be as normal as possible before his life is flipped on its head once again.

Unfortunately, it gets flipped on its head when a massive prison break happens, and Mr. Scratch and Foyet escape prison. His dad shoves himself into work full forces, and instead of spending one or two nights at the office, it turns into full weeks. One day while on the trail of Mr. Scratch, Hotch overexerts himself and falls into Peter Lewis hands.

The team manages to rescue him, but not before Hotch is put into a drug induced coma. When Jack gets the news he is upset but used to it at this point. Not accepting and hugs or pity, he follows the normal routine for when his dad is injured, he goes home and packs his stuff to stay with JJ. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't the only person in his house.

Foyet had heard that Peter Lewis had put Hotch in a coma, and not wanting to be upstaged by a knock-off scarecrow, Foyet was going to do Hotch a little favor and kill Peter for him. But as smart as Foyet was, he was no G-man and with him out of commission he went for the only logical next option, junior g-man Jack.

So Foyet kidnaps Jack, threatens him with the whole "If you don't listen to me, I will kill you and everyone around you" speech and the two head off on a road trip. Solving Peter Lewis's crime and essentially becoming a weird Uncle-Nephew version of Hannibal and Will.

During this murder road trip, Jack does manage to have a great time. His dad was an extreme helicopter parent despite never actually being around, so actually going to a mall by himself or honestly anywhere that wasn't groceries or school is an experience. Foyet even let's him interact with people more than once without doing a background check into their entire families. Sure, he murdered his mother, but his dad had been killing his social life and mental health for years sooooo.....

It will end with Peter Lewis getting shot in the head, but who truly pulled the trigger is still a mystery. The BAU all believed that it was Foyet, but somewhere deep down, they all acknowledge the idea that it could have been Jack.

Featuring fun lines such as:

Foyet: "Kid, I have been in your mother."

Jack: "Don't you mean your knife has?"

Foyet: "We don't do semantics here."

Foyet: "Just call me your Uncle George."

Jack: "Pass, I already have an Uncle that has been to jail."

Foyet: "Agent Reid doesn't count."

Jack: "I was talking about my dad's brother."

Foyet: "Shit, forgot about him. Huh, must not be important."

Jack: "I am not going to resuscitate you if you die on the floor."

Foyet: *coughing up his lungs* "If I die, who is going to pay for Waffle House tomorrow?"

Jack: "Crap, you're right. What will I do if I am not getting my waffles paid for by a serial killer? Oh noooo"

Foyet: *wheeze laughing on the floor* "You clearly got your humor from me, kid."

YOU ARE INSANE KAMAJAJSJAKJA HOW MANY SCENARIOS OF JACK BEING KIDNAPPED AND BONDING WITH SERIAL KILLERS DO YOU HAVEEEEEE

no because why did i get out of breath laughing at WE DONT DO SEMANTICS HERE 💀💀💀 the way foyet WOULD say something like that he was such a sassy unsub

[tonysaintborgi]

its past midnight where i live so im too tired to articulate this well but i feel like youre the only person i know that i can explain how my feelings on jack black throughout the years went from "oh hey i like this guy" -> "eh i dont keep on top of his work but hes cool" -> "oh hes made some weird choices dont like that. at least hes still a good actor" -> "hey wait a second why is every movie hes been in recently been the same half-baked 2-hour advertisement bullshit (eg mario movie)" -> learning he broke up with his bandmate after trump got shot because bandmate made tweet saying next time dont miss like weird hill to die on jb everyones doing that this week -> "oh hes in the minecraft movie" re-noticing all hes done lately is the kind of movie thats intentionally bad because who cares people will watch it anyway. Like i started falling off pretty hard when everyone was like "mario movie looks awful but at least jb is bowser" even though i tried to have fun with it but does he even do anything better than that anymore? hes gonna be in the minecraft movie. people think its good because he made a song about it or whatever its so over im going to bed now i love you GOOD NIGHT 🌙

oh my god yeah like a decade ago Jack Black was lowkey legendary and now he's not only fuckin lame as shit he's washed up. more washed up than like joey fatone. and that fucker is washed up. love you too darlin good night may the morning sun bring many new things to correctly be a hater about

[fratboykate]

a friend recently started reading cfau for the first time. chapter one went up on ao3 well over six years ago so in order to be able to respond to their comments/questions i had to start re-reading the chapters because i couldn't remember shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. over the years ive reread a chapter/parts of a chapter here and there to answer questions and i did reread some stuff when i was writing the last six chapters last year to make sure i was keeping continuity stuff but ive never read the whole thing from start to finish. like...ever.

as we know, the writer's strike has me chronically unemployed and i was filling my endless free time by being here/writing the kyaus. since that stopped a few days ago ive had JACK SHIT to do so one day i went to read the latest chapter my friend commented on and then just...didn't stop??? had to do something with my days right? lol. there's been A LOT of cringing at the writing (seriously how did y'all ever read this 🫣🥴) but then again the bulk of this was written six years ago and im also my worst critic so...id like to think i dont suck this bad right now lol. well......that aside...ive officially read 31 chapters. that means THE chapter 32 is next lol. all sixty two thousand words of it. i dont think ive ever reread the entirety of chapter 32 since it was posted the first week of 2018. i did go back and reread specific parts of it last year when i was finishing this because i needed to remember some stuff but never the whole thing. i know the letters fucked me up even when i was writing them so...this should be interesting.......

starting this at 3:45am feels like a fucking terrible idea but...here we go.

[humanmorph]

dont mind me just some of my palisade liveposting from twitter. ignore it. i just want them here. this is long and annoying but its my blog and also under a read more smile

(technically not yet palisadeposting just funny to me)

-------

Road to PALISADE game rankings (29. Mai)

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PALISADE 03 (4. Juni)

guy whos only listened to friends at the table listening to friends at the table: this is just like fr-

this is about me thinking of hieron & some archivists constructing patterns by manipulating events when they talk about the paint shop & bringing palisade on cycle. im also jokin

WHICH. i am pretty excited about (the cycle). its an incredibly cool concept that mostly existed in the bg in twilight mirage (or well, the intros?) but i love it.love to see it come back in a weird and bad way (different weird and bad than the original

& i guess it makes sense for kesh to pull on ideas/ideals/visions their ancestors had, when this whole 'going back to the twilight mirage' is for nideo a reclaiming of their home/origin

dont need rot13 for this though its vague enough that was cool as fuck of jack. i was kind of cruising along like yeah this is pretty nice so far theyre just getting set up with this faction game thing and then woooowww. wah. banger

----

PALISADE 04 & 05

------

PALISADE 07 (13. Juni)

some PALISADE 07 thoughts. im thinking them

----

(? idk which episode this related to. 12. Juni)

----

(the rot13 says clementine. lol)

----

(lmao)

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PALISADE 13 (1. Juli)

this doesnt have anything to do with what i wrote here but im very excited for the next arc (even if ill be fully caught up then...) with the way the cast has been talking about it

also idk what it was about this downtime but something happened halfway through ep 12 where it clicked and now i am enjoying myself way more. just took me a bit i guess

-----

PALISADE 15 (12. Juli)

palisade 15 thoughts (from like, last week. its just still vivid in my mind) . this made me go crazy

(this still makes me smile god i wanna know whats up with this so badlyyyy)

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PALISADE 17 (17 Juni)

god upon our grace fucking ruled

this arc was soooo much. just in the sense of things sure kept fucking happening oh my god

(oh this is the one i was looking for the other day after the brninegucci convo. (BLOWS UP) indeed)

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PALISADE 18 (18. Juni)

(man i was straightup not having a good time huh)

(yeah there we go. and i do feel better about it now)

----

(just for posterity because this is when i did the first sketch for that long comic. smile)

----

I'm at work with my phone on 10% but PALISADE 19 but dice ARE one side of the authority I'm halfway through this shit and the Cause has not gotten a win. I mean it did but that got rerolled & they still have one of those left it's not happening folks

Putting my head on my desk. "But you will win anyways. You must."

----

Gathering Information 04 (23. Juli)

wait hold on i didnt think this through IF something tragic happened to phrygian and then leap coming in on the blue channel after oneof their crew members / friend / brnines second in command just died or worse(things can always be worse than dying. see gur). that. yeah. hmmmmmm

(tee hee hee) (im actually still thinking about that last tweet currently im turning it around in my mind. the dynamic. also "what if [things] got worse and also leap was there" still makes me laugh)

[axesilly]

i cant afford therapy so im going to talk about my troubles on here because i dont know what else to do 👍 i dont know if this will reach anyone but it might make me feel better. sorry if its a bit lengthy, ive had these feelings for a while

for the sake of anonymity and my own safety i will not be mentioning any names of people, towns, or schools :]

so im in college, im an art major. im from a small town with nothing to do except go to a mall the next town over and im going to college in another small town 5 hours away from home. this small town also has jack shit to do unless you drive 45 minute to an hour away. im currently in my spring semester of my freshman year and i have gotten so absolutely mentally and physically drained since i got a fast food job. i got a job making pizzas at yknow one of those big chain corporations pizza places, and the store i work at has only been open a few months. its absolutely chaotic and no one knows how to do anything except a few select people. my boss, the general manager, also doesnt know how to do anything because its his first time doing something like this. one of the other managers also only works there because hes friends with the general manager and he is not the greatest person, as he tends to sexually harrass the staff including a friend i made there. now ive already put in my two weeks last saturday, but that doesnt take away from how drained this job has made me.

Since the spring semester started ive been constantly piled with work (one week i was scheduled 6 days in a row when i had a big project to work on, i had a breakdown at work to my general manager), writing assignments, and project after project. (not even kidding my drawing professor gives us a new project the same day we turn one in) in my senior year of high school i loved fine arts and i believed that i wanted to follow in my art teachers footsteps and pursue my love of art and make art for my career. and while i do still love fine arts and making art, i just cannot do this constantly. since just before my spring break i started not going to my classes as consistently and i swore to myself i would start going again after the break. well that break just made it worse it seems because everything has just gone more and more downhill. i have still been missing classes because some days its difficult to get out of bed and i do not have the motivation to go to class just to sit there and not be able to pay attention for an hour/hour and a half. im behind on a project for one of my classes because i havent gone since ive been back from spring break (two weeks). i have an exam for one of my classes soon and im not even close to prepared. i had a 3 page essay due last night i started but havent finished (luckily i can turn it in a little late). it may sound lazy but these are my real struggles with my mental health. i feel trapped here. i do have a license and a car, i do have transportation so i can go places, but its such an old car it has so many problems (one which has arisen recently being if i stop somewhere and turn my car off, it wont crank back up immediately and i have to wait 10-15 minutes, and once it is on i have to revv it to make sure it stays on). so because of car problems and currently living in a small town im frustrated because it feels like i cant go anywhere to do anything fun. i feel trapped in my dorm and in my mind.

now comes the college problem. the college i go to currently is a nice school, i get 8 meals a week on my meal plan included in my tuition. theres several places to choose from the eat at, theres a gym, free health exams i think. but its driving me insane seeing the same old brick buildings every damn day. i currently dont have a roommate so im in a dorm by myself which probably contributes to this feeling of lonliness. i dont really have many friends, i had more last semester but they did not keep in touch. i do have one friend that i appreciate very much and she always worries and wants to help when she sees im upset. shes a real one. but seeing the same things, learning about the same repetitive lessons every single day, has driven me insane. my art history class has been the same topics since the start of the semester, its all been about works of art pertaining to jesus, and mary, and god and the angel telling mary shes pregnant and marys purity and this symbolizing that and i understand why its important to learn about these works of art and how they have shaped art today, but i cannot stand hearing the same things over and over. im not a christian, and i dont believe theres anything wrong with christianity as long as youre not hurting anyone with your beliefs, but these topics are so repetitive ever class i have. the semesters almost over and we havent even gotten to modern art yet, and in my opinion thats what truly matters to learn about because thats what we as artists would need to look at to have a reference for how we should make our art right? art is about expressing yourself and we need to see how others making art in the modern era are expressing themselves as well. and on the topic of expressing ourselves, my drawing class, every single project, my professor has us stick to such strict criteria. one of my projects my professor actually really liked, i liked, but she took points off because i had my girlfriends name written very small where you could barely even see, because we were not supposed to have any text. i feel like i cannot even be creative and truly express myself with these projects. i dont feel like i have any real freedom with them. i love fine arts and i love making art, but not when its like this. i want to be able to make my own art that actually expresses my feelings, not someone elses criteria. because of all of this my grades have been rapidly dropping.

now i have already made the decision weeks ago that i will not be returning to this school in the next fall semester. i discussed this with my mom already as she does the majority of my paperwork and things for this stuff. she wants me to transfer to a college closer to home so i can atleast get a general studies degree. but thats not what i want to do either. she told me not to flunk my classes this semester because that will make it difficult to transfer me to another school, but how do you expect me to get good grades when i constantly feel like im in hell in my mind. i mentioned wanting to maybe take a gap year, she doesnt want me to do that. school is horrible for my mental health like this, i dont understand why society thinks we should just have everything we want to do with the rest of our life figured out immediately out of high school. well i dont. and i dont want to stay in college immediately out of high school. i want to go live my life! me and my girlfriend are long distance (we have met in person several times and shes actually coming to visit me this month, but just seeing each other for a week at a time is not enough) and i really want to go live with her! i want to enjoy living and living with the person i love more than life itself! i currently dont feel like i can do that here or back home. i want to move somewhere else with my girlfriend so we can both be happy and love life. i want to move out of state to a slightly bigger city, nothing crazy like new york or atlanta, but just somewhere bigger than a small town with nothing to do whatsoever. i do have a place in mind but im not going to say where. and when i move, after a year i can qualify for in state tuition and pursue something that makes me happier. ive always loved animals and marine animals so i was thinking i could major in zoology and marine biology and work at an aquarium or something while im working on my degree. and i dont fully know how the paperwork and things work for transferring and such, especially after a break, so i could be in the wrong, but is it really wrong for wanting the best for myself?

and to be honest with myself i know exactly why im in college and its not to get a degree. i was raised constantly being compared to my siblings. my brother is trans (which my parents are very obviously not too fond of) dropped out of college and joined the military. my sister dropped out of college after a semester, got married to a horrible man who she just recently divorced after having two children with him. and being compared to them all my life, especially to my brother, made me want to be better than them. i wanted to be the one, as the youngest, to be the first one to get through college immediately, all four years, no problem. but its just too much for me. and dropping out, moving away, im terrified. im terrified that my parents will be disappointed in me. im terrified of that face my mother makes, that tone of voice, when shes disappointed in me for something. im terrified of getting lectured and told why everything i want is wrong. its irrational. and im terified if i move away i wont have her support anymore. i wont have her to lean on when i need help with something. i was never taught where to go or how to do stuff for applying to colleges and transferring. i barely know how to do my taxes.

now i really dont know what this article-like rant of a tumblr post is gonna do. i know i dont really have a following and i dont really post on here. but i just thought itd make me feel better to collect my thoughts and put them all together like this. so far the only people concerned about me have been my girlfriend and a couple of my friends ive told about these problems. not even my professors are concerned about me, i havent even gotten a single email or question about how im doing. they say theyre all for mental health but when a student stops coming to class as often suddenly and starts failing or not turning in assignments its none of their business and i must just be getting lazy and im a horrible student yknow? anyways i think thats about it for this. again i dont really know what this will do but i hope someone has advice or support or something. im going insane here.

love to anyone else suffering similar struggles <3

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hey I have a possibly another, better..? idea👀 it's a Slenderbeing reader! but they like to travel the world, a LOT. and usually in their human form. but they are so in depth with their magic's capabilities it's almost near impossible to detect any magic sauce from them, it's like they are truly a regular human being. until they reveal themselves and give everyone a heart attack😂

The slender reader is also like a runt, they hate the height difference compared to average Slenderbeings, but low-key likes the attention :P

Any characters! Have fun n take your time!! :D

Various characters with a slender-being reader!

Again so so so so sorry for taking so long to get to this :(

I've kinda been mostly checked out mentally this week and the past 4 days spiderverse has taken over my brain and

Sobs

Anyways! Most of these are platonic leaning, but that's mostly because I couldn't think of anything explicitly romantic <\3 these also may be

Short since I'm kinda

Dry brain

No gifs for each character since it lags my phone and I ain't dealing with that rn <\\3

Slenderman:

Head tilt

Of course he knew he and his brothers weren't the only slender-like.. beings in this world

But he didnt expect to see another (that wasnt splendor or trender) enter his woods... that and he also. Never really left his woods save for a few occasions.. never really met another creature like him outside family

Huh

Hes curious, of course! He himself can only talk so much about his day to day life, being more or less binded to his forest.. so hes willing to let you talk his non existent ears off

Likes making crafts for you that remind him of your stories

Doesnt particularly favor one form over the other; though with that said he almost offed you when you first waltzed in, disguised as a human

Makes him realize he... doesn't know how to do that..

Splendorman:

Oooh how cute! You're so tiny!

On the flip side, hes met dozens of slender-beings, due to him bouncing around just about everywhere

Doesnt make fun of your height, bullying isnt cool!!

You both exchange stories about places you've been and things you've done

Sits down and looks at you with so much interest when its your turn to speak

Finds both of your forms adorable

Laughing Jack

"I didn't even know they made them this size!"

Ljs already a little shit, but hes going to be even more of a little shit around you being a runt

He'll try not to take it too far, but hes definitely got a problem with his filter

Due to him being bound to his box and being passed around Lj only has so much experience with different kinds of people

So even though he'll crack jokes and interrupt, he's willing to listen to a story or two

You can still be taller than him and he'll still tease about your runt status <\3

Eyeless Jack

"Oh.. huh.. you're like.. that one guy,"

In my au he lives in the same woods as slenderman but they hardly interact and when they do it's barely civil

Both are very possessive of their areas so... yeah

Asides slender you're the only slender-being hes met; he wont even know you're a runt unless you bring it up

If you do he'll just

Not care, I mean hes short too so??

Has a weird.. vicarious thing going on with your story

Hes condemned himself to being a hermit due to his curse, so he ends up naturally.. doing that with your stories and makes small suggestions on where you should go next

What having your normal life snatched away does to a mf

Masky & Hoodie

"Mini boss?" "Mini boss"/j

Masky is.. well my take on him hes a little.. funky.. bro is likely watching you from a distance and not really.

Interacting

Kinda freaks out when you reveal your true form

Hoodie is a little more tame and open than masky, kinda just

Signs and asks questions but he isnt too social

"Why are you so short??"/j

Honestly I feel like these two would take a long time to warm up; they're already distant enough with slender

Idk, I really dont have any ideas for these two 💔😔☝️

[sapphirewolf100]

Hhhhhhh

[awesamcozy]

gnfogies. how do you feel about ludwig. and ranboo and jack manifold also. purely for science. i don’t expect you to hate ludwig he’s just in there because he’s such an. well to put it bluntly Closeted Gay Man

ludwig i know next to nothing about other than the stroking cocks fiasco which was insane like absolutely insane person move but otherwise eh w/e

i like ranboo so-so, i feel like dtblr gave him a really harsh rap for just kind of being himself? when he was posting selfies in the week leading up to the face reveal i found ppls anger really silly im sorry if that was u i know tensions were high and we were all excited... but he just. does that. like he already posted goonight selfies its just part of what he did. anyway i think he is trying to find his streaming identity and thats ok but i wish he would throw a bone to the loreheads because they literally are what got him famous like that damn server was what made him explode idk why hes so eager to shed it off... but idk. i dont want to call him ungrateful tho because i sure as shit wouldnt want my fanbase to be dsmp loreheads either bruh look what they did to tommy. also twt boobers set his ass up EVERY DAMN DAY

jack manifold well i liked him in tommys vlogs and stuff but then he got really weird like trying to fit in with the ermmm well shall we say nonsavory . streaming crowd. llike by trying to be an everyman (jack of all trades, so to speak) u kind of just become an asshole who hangs out with other assholes. i think hes annoying and ive never been able to wash out the bad taste after his stream with mizkiff discussing dreams goddamn DOX?? ARE U CRAZY..

[tsukkiseasalt]

haikyuu hc | how they act while drunk

includes: swearing, public intoxication, frustration, throwing up & a whole lotta other bs. slightly nsfw.gn reader

bokuto

somebody please get this baby some help he’s super emotional rn.

didn’t actually tell you he was drinking just said he was going to hang with akaashi.

akaashi was the one who called you & he sounded off his ass, so he gave bokuto the phone only for him to start talking about how he wishes he would have asked you to go out & how sorry he was- poor thing was on the verge of tears.

only way he’ll calm down is by calling you as you come get him.

when you get to the bar he is laying on the curb with his arm around akaashi’s leg as kaashi throws up in some bushes. kuroo is sitting on the curb writing on the concrete with a rock

how you managed to get all of them in a car will forever be a mystery-but bokuto & kuroo were sprawled out in the back seat and akaashi was slumpted over in the front seat emptying his stomach into a cardboard box you found in your trunk.

you dropped akaashi & kuroo off at their apartment with kenma.( kenma being the only actually sober person you saw that night )

“baby im sorry. please don’t be mad.” were the only words he could muster in different variations as he clung to you when you tried to get him into the house.

immediately falls onto the bed and begins crying & apologizing. the sight honestly breaks your heart.

“baby im sorry. it wasn’t my idea it was there’s. i didn’t wanna drink. im sorry. im so so sorry.” he sobs into you sleeping pants.

“hey baby you’re ok, im not mad at you. im proud of you.” you coo.

“really?” he sniffles

“yes baby, you calmed down and told me how to get to you and you didn’t even throw up.” you praise him.

a huge smile is on his face when he hears that quickly bettering his mood.

“i love you so much.” he mumbles as he pulls you down into a sloppy kiss.

the next morning he vows to never drink with akaashi again. (does the same thing in two weeks.)

oikawa

the term pissy drunk was made for this man. tells you he’s going to have a few beers with ‘the bois’ only for him to send you voice messages of him screaming careless whisper at 2 am.

did NOT want to leave when you tried to get him to leave. sat on the floor and down right refused like a fucking CHILD.

“tooru fucking oikawa get your god damn ass of that motherfucking ground right now or so help me god.”

“what are you gonna do huh? you gonna whoop my ass? nope you can’t whoop my shit so shut the hell up.”

goes fucking ballistic when you threaten to breakup with him & breaks a table in the process.

iwazumi finally gets pissed enough and helps you get him out & in your car.

lays in the back seat and sobs, begging for you to stay with him.

“you know tooru desperation doesn’t look good on you.”

ballistic pt.2

“EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD ON ME SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DONT APPRECIATE ME. I HATE YOU.”

this mf ugly crying snot and all.

when you make it home he tells you he doesn’t need your help with a damn thing and that he can get his self to bed.

failed miserably and fell on the ground immediately after opening the door. (cue the waterworks)

“baby please help me i need you. im sorry i’m being a jack ass help me please.” he mumbles sweetly wrapping his arms around you as you lug him in.

“just leave me here.” he sniffles when you make it into the living room. you drop him on the couch and go to bed.

wakes up with the meanest hangover and makes dinner for the next week as an apology.

tanaka

angry drunk. on sight type night with him.

bringing him to the party was possibly the worst decision you could have possibly made. within the 45 minutes you two had been there he had taken 4 shots, downed 2, and chugged everything within a 2 foot radius. safe to say he was thoroughly buzzed.

“babe if anybody and i mean ANYBODY looks at you tell me and i’ll kill them.” he exclaims hands snaking around your waist.

the only place your allowed to sit is on his lap. (yes you can feel his hard on)

plays beer pong with noya against kageyama and tsukki ( tsukki’s actually really fucking good) & looses.

he and noya then proceed to try an jump tsukki.

“fuck you you four eyes bastard.” he yells as daichi wraps his arms around him. “yeah, your a filthy cheater.” noya chimes as asahi picks him up and takes him outside. “i’ll be back tanaka & when i get back we beating his ass.”

after that you decide to take him home.

his hand doesn’t leave your thigh as you drive home. this boys hOrnY.

constantly tries to convince you to let him taste you as you drive home.

“ryūnosuke stop it now.”

“fuck babe say my name like that again and i’m gonna have to take you right here and now.” he groans palming himself through his sweats.

when you get him in bead his hands are gripping your ass and his head buried in your chest.

“i love you so much babe.” he mumbles before passing out.

kageyama

super lightweight.

had one shot and a wine cooler now he can’t walk straight.

“honey *hicup* my tummy hurts *hicup*”

“tobio sweety you haven’t even drank that much.” you say stroking his head.

you have to leave early because he has to pee and refuses to go anywhere other than his own bathroom.

end up pulling on the side of the road because he almost pissed his pants in the car.

“can you help me get my pants up?” he asks leaning against the tree for support.

strips down to his underwear in your car cause he’s hot even though you have the ac blasting.

“babe i think i have alcohol *hicup* poisoning.

“you do not have alcohol poisoning tobio.”

when you open the door to get him inside he throws up on the floor and immediately passes out.

wakes up in the middle of the night crying though because his stomach hurts.

you turn on cars and rub his tummy till he goes back to sleep.

i wrote half of this while i was blackout drunk at a party last night soo please ignore the grammar mistakes🥺

[psychologeek]

master post!

awesome tags :) +adds so far (except above this rb)

it's long. read undercut :)

@pa-pa-plasma :

#Danny: okay so this one is probably so hyperspecific it wont actually apply to anyone but#Danny: as you can already tell from the title. this is how to deal with a superpowered pet#*25 minutes of dog training*#Conner: *intense note taking*#Danny (it was actually Tucker but. secret identities) adds a livestreaming feature & kinda tiredly does a#Day in the Life livestream one day#(obviously without the Fenton stuff)#but like. showing what he does exactly. bribe his ''enemies'' into staying in the GZ this week. that sorta stuff#he doesnt do much anymore since it's been like 10 years. he knows how to deal with shit now#which is why he decided to livestream it. like#''lol surprising the NB staff by going through the drivethrough (again) live would be kinda funny''#he doesnt get a lot of views BUT his chat is on fucking fire.#Danny: *reading* How do you deal with an enemy who wants to date you? OH MAN. OKAY THAT'LL BE MY NEXT VID DONT WORRY#Danny: short answer though is: don't.#he randomly puts out a DOOMED speedrun but it's literally him possessing the game#& he's mad the mods wont accept his runs because ''ghost powers isnt modding the game''

@the-scarecrow-of-aus

#ember pesters danny into making a page for her to host her music videos#stop opening the links batman the bat computer cant take it!

@piedpiperart

#Danny is the dad of all dads#batman: let me into amity my kids are in there#phantom: what kids these are all mine#each of the ghosts set up their own lil boot camps#Skulker teaches about weapons and mech suits#technus teaches hacking#undergrowth teaches plants or how to combat gas or plant based attacks#box ghost teaches about shipping and handling and how to recognize what boxes carry guns and what Carrie’s radioactive materials or somethin#lunch lady just makes them all lunches#jk she teaches how to poison people!! haha!!#dc x dp#dp x dc#dcxdp#dpxdc#clockwork teaches time stream shenanigans#they’re gone for a year but turns out it was only a few mins#it’s helpful but terrifying and theyre not taking that class again#spectra teaches them how to recognize their villains motivations and when to get them psychiatric help or just jail them#or kill them#jk#unless#not sure what kitty and Johnny would teach but I feel like they’d be good with relationships and gender and stuff#teaches what to do if you fall in love with a villain or fellow hero#Dani teaches clones probably#vlad is a guest lecturer in dani’s class to explain why clones were his go to plan and teach them how to clone people or hide their dna well#frostbite teaches medicine prolly

@frostedthroughghost

#depends on the time line#but#i feel like Danny just casually dropping 'clone' could lead to some pretty big paradim shifts in the jl#or maybe Kon goes to Danny when Superman rejects him#pretty soon there's a very pointed video titled 'How To Deal With Being Cloned'#which could lead to other clones in DC being treated very differently#would legitimately pay for more of this#i don't know anyone outside the batfam well enough to even really imagine it#let alone write it#but it's amazing

@robinasnyder wrote here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44721676/chapters/112519846

@unordinarywarlord's take here:

@izarnox

#Danny acting like a kind of elder in the hero community??#chef kiss#and being seen like a respected one too??

@@batsyheere

@farmercale

@valiantsuitcaseskellington

Like and Survive! (DC x DP)

Everyone knows who Phantom is. He was one of the very first heroes though he inexplicably chose to dedicate his life (metaphorically) to micromanaging the hell out of some random town no one has ever heard of. He's a specialist hero, only really useful for ghost stuff. He comes every time someone contacts him for help but it's only happened a few times in all of his years of operation.

Then, kid heroes become a thing. Robin, once perpetually hidden beneath the shadow of the bat emerges into the metropolis sun just in time to make the front page.

When Batman's child-raising skills are called into question, Kid Flash is brought out at a press release by Flash to show that these exceptional children are around. They just aren't common knowledge for their own health (aside from the villains - being a child star wrecks your brain).

A few villains do come forward and say "no, the sidekicks will go out on their own if their hero doesn't let them. And they have all the powers and none of the restraint. Please don't separate them."

(Batman and Robin are both very flattered that all their rogues think they have powers. Robin is ✨glowing✨ with pride.)

Cyborg calls Robin at 3am. He asks if he's seen the new 'BooTube' page.

Phantom has set up his own website. It's a dark and moody ripoff of YouTube with 1 channel. His.

Introduction Video: Transcript Hi guys, I can't lie to you, I was as up-in-arms as anyone when I saw what people are now calling "The Robin Reveal". But then I remembered that I started my hero work when I was mentally and physically fourteen years old...

Danny doesn't mention he was also chronologically 14 at the time. Secret identities and all.

...and I had no mentor, no training and no backup. It was just me and two humans, neither of whom even had powers at that time. I understand the call, in a way that none of the non-hero people criticising you could ever hope to comprehend. I'm glad to see most of you fellow child-heroes have an experienced adult watching your back. But if you don't. If there's even one of you out there who need a mentor, consider Amity Park open for business, and consider adding my number to your speedial. I'm not like those people in interviews saying "Oh, someone needs to help the children!" I am helping you, I am helping you whenever you need with whatever you want.

The ghost swallows and seemingly forces down his brimming sincerity.

And for those of you who do already have backup? Consider checking back here. I'm going over my old reports from my first few years on the streets to see what I most needed to hear, and what I wished I knew sooner. Hopefully no one else will have to learn what I know the hard way.

You know how to fight, this channel won't be for that. This is about coping with secret identities, and the messed up situations that can only happen to a vigilante or hero.

Anyways, the first video is already ready to be edited so in a few days I'll be back here to discuss what you do when you've been cloned. How to deal with that emotionally and physically. My clone isn't very well known outside of my town but I think she'll add a great perspective!

Within weeks, without his knowledge, Danny is somehow remote-mentoring heroes of all ages.