#tesra is like a single father desperately trying to keep his mentally ill child under control as he constantly gets triggered by the people

[lawfulneeds]

szayelaporro rant just to feel something . So . he is my beautiful husband yes i know i call him my wife but he is my husband. i am the girl uke bottom idiot woman in this relationship #wedonthavesex BUT i am his princess . because sometimes freakishly tall scruffy asian men need to be princesses ok ? and NO i am not talking about nnoitra (i technically kinda am but id rather kill myself than let myself rant about nnoiszay) but my sweet angel is actually crazy right so like . Why tf would i an exception, but i dont think he experiments on me because he thinks im weak and is like “No, Jack, I’d rather keep you alive. You make good company. Smile.” (yes he says smile out loud, so do i and the rest of my family tree) id like to think he just rubs my head like im not even a being to him and moreso just a specimen who follows him around (SORT OF LIKE HOW NNOITRAS LIKE ‘tesra just follows me around’ BUT NNOITRA AND TESRA ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AND WAY MORE COMPLEX IN A WAY ILL SAVE FOR A DIFFERENT TIME) also i hc szayels touchy ^_^ because despite not getting close to his enemies, he’ll caress and lean on the other espada (and the fracciónes too don’t think i forgot) so he just fucking pets me and is like “Aw. How cute, you’re so compliant I almost thought you were braindead!” and then i drool 🤤 ANYWAY. i have a couple strands of hair on my head that my brother likes to call feelers, so i believe they like to feel szayelaporro. WHO HAS THICK HAIR . AHEM…MY THICK HAIRED, WELL MAINTAINED KING. sorry my canon headcanons. he lets me run around inside of his palace and sleep on his bed but im not allowed to touch any equipment 🩷 he genuinely thinks im fucking stupid but like . I’m not (ive analyzed more than he knows) so it’s whatever szayel [insert lawfulneeds beating card here] but i love him! and he loves me! he gives me like some clothes he has and is like “Here. So you can still detect me with your scent.” and it’s lowk sweet ty my angel but hey What? appreciate dat shit on yhwach but do you think im a dog? but hes right i like to Smell him [smiles like the image of squidward where hes like guys it’s okay] i also like to lick him mmm [stomach growls] but im really normal about him. Smile. its also canon in szaylaw lore is that he hits me with his clipboard, on the head, over the head, on the side, in my stomach, on my dick, and other various places and im like “? what i even said” or it goes something like [CENSORED] [REDACTED] [ARCHIVED] [SPOILERED] [BLURRED] [DELETED] [VANISHED] but he also likes to just straight up no diddy beat me [insert lawfulneeds beating cards again] but its one of his many green flags™️ so if you judge him i will fucking kill you until you wake up dead so leave my husband alone!!!!! [clings to him yaoi style, slaps his ass and you hear a screenshot sound] i also just remembered that my brother headcanoned that he annoys nnoitra with his yapping of me and it’s like aww :3 he gaf… but i think it’s more like “(playing with his hair and staring at the ceiling dreamily) Nnoitra you don’t understand. I need him dead.” “(praying mantis accent) do you want me to kill him????? tf?” “(his pupil twitches like in the anime where it just shakes) NO. i mean it in an AFFECTIONATE way you BRUTE. like how i talk about YOU, when i say i want to RIP YOU APART.” “(his eye opens and somehow get more buglike) WHAT DO YOU MEAN BRUTE????? WHAT DO YOU MEAN RIP ME APART????!?!?!?!l” then the two start arguing and maybe even kiss in the middle of it, which confuses the spectating tesra who is trying to calm nnoitra down like “(trying his hardest not to baby voice nnoitra) no nnoitra you’re the strongest espada, szayelaporro doesn’t know what hes talking about” and szayelaporros like “strongest espada? im surprised hes even at number five!” then nnoitra gets even angrier so it doesn’t get any better and its like oouuu….yikes. then it happens again same time next week. but that’s all i have to say about szayelaporro as my husband. Gulp. [turns off livestream]