#i dont even post or come on here anymore but
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찬이의 "방" 🐺 200 Episode Special
200!
I looked back at the message I wrote for you almost 2 years ago now, to see what I said. And honestly, I have to agree with past me. It doesn’t feel like that much time has passed since the first day you showed up on VLive and spoke to us so kind and warmly. 200 episodes later, and well now on YouTube, and you are still doing just that. Week after week, being there for us to cheer us up with your laughter and your jokes and your advice and your terrible pick up lines. I still have nothing in my heart but gratitude towards you, Channie. Thank you for continuing to be the most amazing person ever.
Let’s meet each other again next week, okay?
#chan#bang chan#stray kids#skz#cb97net#createskz#*gifs#*m#long post#찬이의 “방” 🐺#i dont even think this will do well but.. i made it with a migraine and did all the gifs in one day lol#i just wanted to do something special because fo how much he means to me#i dont even post or come on here anymore but#i love him so much#he's literally my safe place... my soulmate#and idk where id be without him..#thank you chan...#thank you always
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(scrapped painting)
its kinda fascinating how you can draw something well and instead of learning from it for the next drawing you repeat the same old mistakes that kept you from improving in the first place
(was supposed to the next scene after the previous good painting lol)
its a rly early sketch (i know it wont work out though, too much wrong) but Zaphira (standing) was winning the fight against the guy that challenged her (he also cheated and attacked her weak leg with a dagger despite it being a fist fight) so he ordered the soldiers he hid in the audience to shoot, Shargon is catching the arrows in the air before they can reach her and she trusts him enough to not even react to it
#ganondoodles#art#i guess#man .....#the scene itself is rly cool but i dont think it comes across here lol#im not even angry anymore#im just sad that i wasted almost 3 hours on this .... i redid the sketch alot too#even though i should KNOW i cant paint something if i got a sketch for it#i didnt do a sketch for the last one and it worked!!#and now im up an hours too long too#it feels embarassing to post even#i probably shouldnt even have saved it#its way more difficult too#i should just leave it be and move on bc im clearly not ready to draw it yet#its just hard to ignore that ... idk .. eagerness to please? as in ppl were interested in the previous one#so i wanted to show more of that scene#but i might have just ruined the mystery or something#anyway my blinking is like seconds long i need sleep
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WAIT SHUROS DAD SAID HE WANTED HIM TO BRING SOMETHING BACK INTERESTING.... AND WHO IS MORE INTERESTING THAN LAIOS....
#he also cited lack of flexibility in thinking. so surely the solution is shuro realising u can like men..........#wait... wait imagine. this wasnt the point of the post but everyone imagine with me#fake dating au but not on purpose shuro Does bring back the fucking king of the risen golden kingdom#but his dad takes it as him bringing his significant other back and says he wins#and laios goes But thats not-#and shuro claps his hand over his mouth like Wait a minute.#and when he gets back everyone agrees its the dumbest thing he could have done#im torn between chilchuck laughing or screaming at him. and kabru straight up murdering him#i dont know if itll be a recreation of the laios proximity disgust meter#or he comes back to a party popper exploding in his face with the banner Congrats on your marriage!#maybe both#god it is so difficult to come up with a ship name for them#but i need to. even if im just populating the tag with my screaming#laishuro????? maybe????#they dont have a lot of overlapping letters...#ok laishuro is free and also this is the only post that comes up if u search it here. weve done it lads#laishuro#dungeon meshi#will that even show up in the tags anymore. im a fool
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morning campers i think ill be mad about the goku black arc's ending until i die actually
#snap chats#AH JUMPSCARE its me#daima's coming out in like a month . no i will not be posting regularly until then but i MIGHT once it starts#anyways no im thinking about this cause every time someone puts the ending on my twitter timeline i get pissed#its such a bad ending idc it pissa me off#very few times media will make me Mad and this is like. one of three. if not THE one of three i really dont get mad at media that much#it should never be that serious but it is serious for this arc cause whatt he fcuk was that GENUINELY#it was all excellent up until that ending. and like. some minor things tbh BUT STILL#coulda been one of the few perf things from dbs but naw. fucka you#fuck trunks fuck the people from his timeline and fuck the reader zamasu was right and he aint even here anymore either#ok im better now im gonna drink a whole pot of tea and cry about yaoi. my typical activities if you must know
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#i dont think i’ve talked my nonverbal!Diluc hc on here yet#but i keep seeing posts abt disability/chronjcally ill/neurodivergent hcs for genshin characters so here’s one from me#idk i feel like after That Night™️ and being on the run from the Fatui/working with a secret organization#diluc not just learns the ‘value’ of keeping secrets and staying quiet but also internalizes his guilt and trauma of saying smth that could#hurt people#it started with him telling Kaeya that he’s not a Ragnvindr anymore and then is exacerbated by his 3-4 Year Fatui Murder Rampage thru Teyvat#and with all ghat trauma and self-deprecation and paranoia he just. stops talking.#he picks up sign language in Fontaine and still writes but at some point he just stops talking and never speaks again#when he comes back to Mondstadt it was hard to adjust to for both him and the people around him#Kaeya initially assumes that Diluc just refuses to talk to him until he later hears gossip abt how no one has ever heard him speak since he#came back. he goes to Adelinde and/or Elzer abt it and they tell him that they neve even hear Diluc so much as hum or grunt#afterwards everyone changes up real fast— Kaeya and Venti drinking at the bar and seemingly just talking at Diluc but they’re always#observing his reactions and body language even when they’re drunk#Jean tries her best to be patient but she has a hard time reading him bc he’s changed so much in the time he’s been gone#Adelinde & Elzer and the winery staff are the most communicative he’s with— Diluc is far more likely to write with them to communicate#at some point Diluc has a business meeting with some rich dude from Fontaine or smth#Kaeya walks in bc he has an actual important mission thinf to discuss and he sees Diluc and this Fontaine dude and the dude’s wife#moving their hands so fast and with all kinds of gestured and stuff#and it’s the first time Kaeya sees Diluc look so EXPRESSIVE— he’s frowning and raising his eyebrows and mouthing words and all this#and Kaeya just goes ‘what’#turns out the Fontainian dude is deaf and both him and his hearing wife know sign; she helps interpret this to kaeya for the dude and Diluc#and Kaeya is like ‘oh okay’ and goes to the kitchen like ‘i’ll just wait here till yall are finished’#and he sees Adelinde and Elzer there with stoic faces and they just. stand there in quiet for so long.#Kaeya finally says ‘…..so. sign language huh’ and Adelinde and Elzer have the most pained looks on their faces#later that week Diluc finds like everyone around suddenly doing basic signs with him#he later learns that the winery has ordered a shitton of signing books from Fontaine and are trying to learn#+ Kaeya and Jean too with help from Lisa bc like dont you know learning several languages is a requirement for graduation from the Akademiya#soon the use of sign starts spreading in Mondstadt— there might be some small communities where they have their own native sign but it’s not#as standardized nor widely known as it is in Fontaine#this is getting really long so I’ll stop here but yeah. nonverbal Diluc who signs fjskdjs
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I need to get khadgars head in the ball, wondrous wisdomball or what ever the fuck, to make me feel better about The War Within's intro questline now.
#world of warcraft#wow tww#wow spoilers#i have early access because i make unwise financial decisions and i got up to lvl75 before deciding i need a break#so im nearly done with the first zone??? 2/3 according to the story log?#i dont really have a wow group anymore so im kind of on my own and it makes it even more sad#they took my blorbo into the void#until i hear the words and see the body i will not accept it#also when the fuck did anduin come back did i miss that or something hes just here and looking like he had a mid life crisis#wheres his dragon boyfriend to make him look happy again#im on graymane(horde chars)/demon soul(alliance chars) if anyone exists on those realms aswell#my post
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Since it's not going in my article due to space constraints, i'll share a bit about Jane Manning James here. It won't be superfleshed out atm bc it got cut. I plan to do more later. As I am *Reorganized*, writing this for a Community of Christ publication, i researched Ld-S shared history to the point of Nauvoo. my article doesn't follow west (technically). the main resource was an LDS one (thank you v much for your freely available archive) asking about her time with the prophet of the Restoration.
Jane Manning James
A significant Black Latter Day Saint from the early church was Jane Manning James. A woman from Connecticut notably made the walk from Buffalo, New York to Nauvoo, Illinois on foot, with most of her family. This was only after being separated from the group of recently converted latter day saints in Buffalo, possibly due to their race. Jane was baptized in 1842 by missionaries in her home state of Connecticut. She recorded these things about her journey and arrival to Nauvoo and her faith when asked to recall her life living with Joseph Smith in 1905.
“When I went there [Nauvoo] I only had two things on me, no shoes nor stockings, wore them all out on the road… They [Joseph and Emma] was looking for us because I wrote them a letter. There was eight of us, my mother and two sisters and a brother and sister-in-law, and we had two children, one they had to carry all the way there, and we traveled a thousand miles.”
She was sure in her belief of the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ and Modern Prophecy. She says in her recollection, after seeing that Joseph Smith Jr was indeed the man in her vision in Connecticut, that “This is the Gospel of Jesus Christ and there will never be any other on earth. It has come to stay.” Sister James would later go west with the saints under the leadership of then Apostle Brigham Young.
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me tumblr posting again:
thank you for the example set Sister James on faith, dedication, and perseverance. She also had spiritual gifts, such as speaking in tongue and faith healing. She believed following the gospel, knowing it was a key to a better way of living life (for her.) it wasn't easy for her, and yet, i think the faith community i observe today (and mormonism in general) is better, just for her having lived it.
may she be at peace, and in a manner God, Sister Jane herself, and her family she led that meant so very much to her, see fit.
#the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints#latter day saint#afrostake#tumblrstake#mormon#mormon history#mormonism#religion#they dont mention anything about sealing bc we don't have it#most reorg saints don't know it exists nor that it was ever practiced#its simply assumed that will be the case. that your family will be there (and that there will be work to be done)#so i say it is unlikely that Sis Jane is actually eternally sealed to the Smiths as a servant bc God is no respecter of persons#who even said that Joseph is in the CK. he could be in the Telestial Kingdom rn as we speak. depending on how time / resurrection day works#Jane may be in the CK maybe having a sisterly relationship with Emma if that's how the afterlife works#i also don't believe the kingdoms are permanent. as a side note. if Joseph Jr ain't there i think he can be in God's time.#and josephites (reorganized saints) don't have a way to report card which kingdom they'll go too#and nobody talks about it bc its the afterlife and community of christ doesnt focus (or sometimes doesn't even care) about the afterlife#i've heard it talked about in depths twice and in general maybe 4-5 times. know a brother i meet with weekly who is newly widowerd#no one seems to think the work is over and that we well still be working and progressing in our faith helping others progress after death#that one is cultural - may come from common unwritten- early lds belief since L-dSaints have a new direction and more developed idea of thi#but for the sake of all sakes#can they not reseal her?#certainly a prophet could - listening to Gods call of liberation - see the symbolism and cultural moment that could be#or does post mortem sealing go off the rails? i don't go here. its often sweet and i think harmful in some ways too. JS Jr would Just Do It#but alas - i dont think emma should be involved with any of that. she wouldn’t want to do anymore sealing#i just think if you can do a baptism after death why not a sealing. but doing one would perhaps open a floodgate?#but perhaps its time for those many church generation Black families to be able to have that with they're bygone relatives#once i gave a mourning period & lively death procession & lively dance celebration on the alantic coast to#to honor all my ancestors/ predecessors who were killed and thrown into the sea or would rather die than be enslaved and jumped#danced in the same ocean they died in and dumped (state park approved) flowers into the sea
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See with Zdarsky's run it was so unbearable and awful and sucked ass but there were other dd runs going on like Daredevil & Echo. Not only that, Ahmed is trying his best to work with this shit with the fault legit being having to continue off of zdarsky, boring, and the cane depiction. I was v close to just dropping dd but I'm willing to give the new run a chance. I have a stronger attachment to dd and it's characters other than matt so maybe that's why but I was close to going full dc and dmc. Plus Zdarsky's run (at least on tumblr) had a majority poor reception anyway. I'm down to ignore it and move on.
Mckay with Moon Knight?? Absolutely not. The mk system is DEAD (as far as we know) and now it's just continuing off while also grabbing niche hero characters and writing them in xenophobic and ableist ways. Reading a few panels alone has me so uninterested esp when I mostly enjoyed the original mk comics. MK was a second fav but now I'm just dropping it completely and not looking forward to read another run again nor engage in any mk media. It's just a headache to think about at this point.
#tfw talking#moon knight#marvel comics#marc spector#jake lockley#steven grant#wednesday spoilers#I know I just recently drew mk but I'll let yall know thats probably the last time youre gonna see him from here#same goes with frank bc hes just boring and idk whats going on with him#is that hand shit over yet or what#but anyway thats just me#seeing people praise mckay's writing is so funny to me#again badr and reese are great additions to the mk series I just wish they were in a better run#I miss gena frenchie and crawley sm too#and if I see any of you mk fans coming into my inbox misreading the damn post and saying some other shit youre getting blocked idc anymore#dont even get me started on m/cu mk thats already just ass
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long time no kaju....shes in his maternity arc now...sketch and a cleaner vers cuz i prefer the sketch but felt bad posting just it (she/he for wol)
#.jpg#ffxiv wol#ffxiv oc#ffxiv viera#i barely draw anymore tbh so i dont ever post over here..even without drawing i dont come on here much. sad#anyway. thats all. idek when i last posted something who gaf
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i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms
#do i still list my interests somewhere i dont knowwww#i just stopped rly being into fandom a few years ago combination depression antipathy + bad experiences in fandom spaces#but idk. me listing my interests didnt rly accomplish anything for anyone bc it was just like anddd just so you know i was crazy abt this#video game for a rly long time it probably wont ever come up again but it might maybe one day. yk. ig its just sharing info Which is one#supposes the point of all of this but idk#its not that im cagey abt my interests except that one which i cant talk abt publically bc its a triple a game and im embarassed abt it. no#anything bad im just embarrassed . its not anything any of my oomfies have ever posted abt either so its just for me. and lamp . and when#the third game comes out i might post very very very vaguely abt it ......... possibly.#but ya its like. idk i think you guys have to find out abt my plague tale obsession on your own through lived experience. aka just me seein#like the word king and randomly collapsing to the floor and going KING HUGO 😭😭😭😭😭 oh god hugo guys oh god . please play plague tale#i wish i had finished that tw thing i started making but then i got too focused on the color palette and making it look nice and i stopped.#umm tw child death animal death The plague some gorey stuff theres some cult things in the second game ummm. yeah ..... its rly special to#me tho i love those games PLAY PLAGUE TALE!!! and if u need more indepth tws ill give them to you even if i have to replay both games to#refresh my memory... lamp wont play plaguetale with me (not their speed) so im all alone </3 but i miss it i might replay soon... i wish i#was in like discord servers so i could play it on call w ppl or something <- is in discord servers but is shy and Also i feel like playing#game on call is like a level like 2 friendship thing and i cant even do level 1 friendship things like i feel i need to at least be talking#regularly in a server b4 i like try to do Calls in the server esp for plague tale bc its like a 1p game so wed need a rapport to like have#shit to talk abt and etc ..... i could just infodump abt the game but again i feel doing that to like strangers/oomfies would b weird. ik i#come on here and talk abt whatever i want but its like you guys dont Have to read this and its not like a server where Yeah im not talking#to one person but im still like Oh well ive sent a message and its in the channel and everybody just has to look at it and whatever.#but on here i post i nobody cares and it just gets pushed down and its Fine bc its not like anybody has to feel obliged to respond#which is fine. you know.. i just hate being like a nuisance i hate . idk how to phrase. imposing myself on others ig.. which is dumb bc the#i turn around and whine abt how i have no friends and its like Maybe that is bc you donot talk to anyone bc yr scared they will be annoyed#with you and you dont leave the house and have no interests to bond with ppl and etc. but basically the difference is ive written all this#and you guys can just not read it or you can just read it and ignore it and its different. even tho i am like addressing you and i do have#like. weird parasocial thing with My followers or whatever where i talk directly to you YES YOU! reading this. IDKK im rambling so much i#dont know what im talking abt anymore. i proooooobably need to go to sleep im hungry tho but im not but i am. but i think my sleep is getti#off schedule again i had trouble sleeping yesterday too... ugh
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kind of annoys me sometimes how I can happily listen to my roommate explain the entire plot of whatever she's currently into but when it comes to my interests she can only listen for a few mins before wordlessly walking out of the room
#ive only slept 4 hours and its a sunday so im probably just cranky and getting irrationally annoyed idk.#but i wanted to talk abt revenant gun bc im enjoying it and havent gotten to discuss it w anyone :-(#i dont wanna post on here bc i dont wanna see spoilers and i dont have anything to say that other fans would find particularly interesting#ik half the arcs of the veilguard characters despite the fact ill never play it bc i like listening to her + hearing her opinions#but damn i guess she doesnt gaf shes got better things to do. im not being fair i get we jusr socialise differently n thats fine.#and ik its not true but sometimes i feel like she doesnt like being around me very much bc shes always halfway out the door#and she doesnt suggest we watch shit together anymore n has turned me down the last few times ive suggested it#but ik shes doing shit w other ppl shes always calling n playing games n stuff w other friends so well maybe its a little true#and she acts so strange around me sometimes like she'll move to the other side of the room if i go open the fridge or whatever#like damn girl im not gonna fucking bite u. whats up with the constant 5ft distance. bc u dont ever do that with other friends just me.#and then it pisses me off when it sort of comes up as a side thing to smth else bc it ONLY ever comes up around other ppl she'll never#bring it up directly with me and she'll blame it on me as if we havent had this conversation multiple times where ive explained exactly#why im weird abt shit sometimes and where my boundaries are and what i would like and then nothing at all changes#like last time she brought it up around another friend she was like oh well we can hug more if u want like no we fucking cant bc u act#like we're magnetically repulsed u hate me being in ur space and only tolerate it when we're around other ppl which is why it makes ME#uncomfortable when she does try to be physically affectionate or whatever bc she 100% exclusively does it in front of others#like man u dont have to put on a fucking performance??? or even worse do it just bc u feel guilty abt leaving me out i hate being pitied#even if ik i very obviously do get hurt at being left out. but thats my problem man i would never fuck w someone elses boundaries#i hate hate hate when ppl have inconsistent conditional boundaries and never communicate what the fucking conditions are so theyre#constantly moving the benchposts around and acting unpredictably like how am i supposed to know where they are!!!!!! please#snd then so embarrassing to pointedly say its bc of MY behaviour in front of someone else like oh ok. u couldnt have told me this before.#in private so we could actually communicatr. sorry this has gotten so off track im feeling so gross this morning and everything is#frustrating me im so tired i feel nauseous ughhhh#okay well anyway. got my list of tasks lets just focus on this shit instead before i spend yet another sunday miserably ruminating#.vent#im not actually mad at her or anything like i said we just socialise differently we have different incompatible flavours of autism#and thats not her fault but its just so frustrating that we cant seem to communicate very well. i think im allowed to be frustrated#anyway yeah sorry im leaving it im leaving it. i should go polish my boots before i shower
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In case it's hard to read/understand: "If I had a nickel for every time I had a story with a blonde girl named after a plant, who has a German father and a French mother but absolutely hates said mom, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice."
weird, extremely-specific tropes in my stories: pt 1
#oc liveblogging#ughhhhhhh i really CANNOT afford to be procrastinating rn but i know this happens when im extremelyyyyyy fucking stressed.#creative/art related classes always get me for this reason bc ill use 'wait but i need to find inspiration!' as an excuse to procrastinate.#fuckkkkkkkkkk. UGH IM NOT EVEN WRITING SOMETHING FROM SCRATCH ITS JUST A FINAL REVISION BUT IM CONVINCED IT SUCKS#the worst part is hkjhkjGHKJ I HAVE TO PRESENT SOME OF THIS SHIT AT AN. INTERNATIONAL FUCKING CONFERENCE GUYS. GUYSYSSSS#anyways this post is sadly not related to that. nothing im presenting is related to my ocs [un]fortunately lmao#ive just been thinking rotating various oc stories around in my head again ourgghhhh.#and i realized this LMAO. i mean maybe technically not 2 separate stories anymore because im recycling a lot from one for the other?#one of these was already established lowkey and the other was something i made for an assignment for a class like 2 years ago#i actually don't know if petunie will be blonde in her final incarnation?? ive always imagined her as silvery blonde ig but idk#if ill keep that. she doesnt have proper colors like colin but at least colin has his design set more straight somewhat.#and all the recent petunie development is lowkey really fucking funny to think abt. i girlbossed with her character development so#hard that she really replaced lucian as a protagonist HAHAJSDHKGJ. ok well not 100% kamille's story is a shoot-off#of lucian's technically? i guess? it started becoming that and now its solidified as that lowkey bc same town same place time period people#but man if im not careful i might accidentally make kamille/petunie's arc THE default one and lucian's main one the offshoot instead#a lot remains to be seen. but also yeah the other one who's story is mostly getting recycled (myrtille) actually ALSO HAD HER MOM#COME FROM THIS SAME FUCKING PLACE BASICALLY. a few decades later but still bruh given developments for lucian's story too its just like#at this point im noticing a pattern man wtf is wrong w/ women who come from this town specifically lol. 😔🥴#this town in general is just fucking cursed though i think ahkjshkg. i mean that jokingly and literally lolololl i gotta. work on it. but y#I HATE IT HERE WHY ARE WEIRD LITTLE FUCKING TOWNS WHERE BAD SHIT HAPPENS ALWAYS A CONSISTENT TROPE IN MY STORIES /silly#I DONT EVEN COME FROM A WEIRD LITTLE TOWN MY HOMETOWN IS LIKE. AVERAGE NORMALISH NOT SUPER LARGE??? IDFK?????#haaaaaaa fuck i need to finish this by the end of TODAY I S2G!!! SO I CAN MOVE ON TO ALL THE OTHER SHIT I OWE FUCKKKK
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do you have a twitter where you post your cherik stuff?
although i have a twitter, i havent posted any of my cherik stuff there </3
#snap chats#i have like three twitters but i dont even use two of them anymore highkey#i literally have no idea why i havent posted any of my cherik stuff on my main twitter tho#maybe its cause comic book twitter scares me but i also never really check my notifs or talk to anyone so#perhaps come halloween ill like. drop several posts of all the cherik art ive compiled over the past two months vjAELKEAJVA#really scare everyone. 'hey guys sorry for being inactive for two months i fell in love with a bald man and his evil ex'#i know ive seen some people Presumably from here follow my twitter ... ty for that team ... sorry to not post anything therejlkvjelvkea#BUT AGAIN ill prob start posting all my stuff at the end of the month
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i like literally wish i didnt feel compelled to rewatch and relisten to the same things over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again its like actually really annoying and frustrating because i just feel like im constantly stuck in a loop doing the same things over and over but thats just literally what its like being autistic like its just frustrating cos i dont want to have to be constantly fighting with myself over it because its like okay we dont need to get stuck in the daily loop of walking in circles for hours listening to the same songs we've heard 200 times or sitting and watching things we've seen 30 times and there are better ways we could be spending our time but the compulsion is SO strong and its just Omfg like its just annoying and horrible because I have to force myself to try to break out of patterns I wish the constant compulsion I have to do the same things over and over and over and over and OVER AND OVER wasnt there at all because it would make things way easier for me and it just makes me feel so dumb.
#Like please for the love of god can we stop doing the same things over and over and go have new experiences oh my god#And i dont know its hard not to beat myself up constantly#im thinking about how im back into the same thing i was into for literally like 5 years when i was younger and i love it so much but it als#causes me despair because im like so im just spinning my wheels but like having a special interest that brings you joy your whole life is#the whole thing with being autistic and its fine but im just like ughhh UAEGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!#how it feels to go back to your old hyperfixation and its the guy with the chains on his wrists.#anyways omfg sorry that all i do on here is either post autistically about this band or agonize for some reason about being into this band.#if i could just calm the fuck down.#its literally fine but im like soooo im just walking in a circle forever and ever#but if i could just stop feeling guilty for no reason i would be having so much more fun#but the circular/obsessive thought patterns also mean i constantly worry about the same thing . when will i shut up#i just had a bad day because i basically have done nothing but stare at screens and its fine but i feel Aueahehaeufhehweughwhgdjhgdf#Its pathetic though like i have to fight with myself to pause music to even put on a podcast or something and its just so like. oh my god i#a grown adult come on#but i literally will like start an album too and then be like well i cant turn it off i have to listen to the whole thing and ill do that#with 4 albums and just walk and walk and then im like so i wasted 2 hours#etc etc its just god i dont know i feel so frustrated with myself constantly this doesnt have anything to do with a specific thing anymore#its just the general like. i do the same things every day im just stuck in this pattern of behavior constantly it makes me so frustrated#i didnt do Any of the things i actually wanted to try to do today so im just like.#im at least gonna go play guitar for a few hours
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menou….
#hi sorry. please read executioner and her way of life#ive been rereading it lately my bad#volume 7 come out in like two months and im more excited about that than i should be#sorry rejuv people but this has all been a ploy to get maybe at least one person to give it a shot#thisll end soon though im sure and ill go back to melia posting probably#actually id probably still been posting about executioner things but. well. rejuv#im not gonna tag this cause theres nothing to it but im still posting it on its own#mostly because i dont really wanna draw rn and i hate sitting on things and not posting them#. even though i. dont really post things on their own here very much anymore. my bad ill do that more with not rejuv things
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Dont read these tags its sad stupid shit
#sometimes lately ive been feeling like. good and not so depressed and like#psyched i can be proud of myself and start something new#and then i remember like. my boy is gone forever#and wont ever come back and ill never see him again no matter what#and its like ohhhhhh it is meaningless..#idk. lately theres so much new stuff#i wish someone would come back from the past eager to know me again just to hold on to something for a second from the person i used to be#when he was still with me#idk i dont wven feel like myself anymore#hard to reconcile#there was a line in white nights earlier youve reconciled me with myself#he said to the lady he met on the street and is obsessed with#i think its a kinda bad translation but what a sweet earnest thing to say#😵💫#sorry guys i hope no onw reads this#im sooo bad w grief#i have very little in the way of like. anythingnfrom my past or family support that gives me access to my childhood#vent#uhhhhh isk what tontag this#vent post#tw sad shit#i guess#pet grief#my boy is my late cat. i knownits stupid to be so attached to a cat like socially....seen as superfluous#but i was friendless and lived alone for age18-25 with just him 😵💫 even when we lived in one room all my shitnshoved to the walls#idkkkkkk k kk k k k i just feel like. everything is happening now in an epilogue of a book thats been over since he died#and idk why i am still here. kinda. in a basic way#i just have a job to have something to do during the day and i guess groceries. i dont even like eating anymore its so cumbersome#damn idk#tryin to buy smth on best buy dot com really set me off jfc
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