#i dont even know why since theres no way its be taken wrong and would make her day better

[phreia]

:3

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

who in skz and ateez give you the ick the most and who in the two groups makes you cringe the most?

bangchan bro is a manchild and has no boundaries with stay enough said, would be very dramatic in a relationship but as always stay will overworship the grounds this grown man walks oj when he is indeed a walking red flag

lee know or seung min is second for me in skz, i dont like their behaviour the way they mistreat certain members is as childish as school bullies and their dgaf attitude stinks just grow up. i dont know why but they make me so annoyed even writing about them gives me the ick. more red flagged than chan tbh. im certain lee know would only want a relationship if he has someone to do things for him.

for ateez its

hongjoong again these leaders arent beating the manchild vibes lots of people worshil him in a romantic sense but i dont get no romantic vibes from him again he uses hwa as his personal maid but i adore his performances yet i would not see myself dating someone who cannot cook nor clean after themselves. red flag material right there.

hmm i debated this one but wooyoung only cares about himself. often has such a potty mouth that no one stops him from saying some really hurtful unfunny things again bit like lee know there seems to be more about feeding his ego than helping anyone else out if he ever get in a relationship id be surprised that it last longer than a month prox. again more red flagged than the leader. but hes another heavily worshipped member that i just dont vibe with i think hes too rude at times to his members or even others without realising and he hides behind this demeanor trying to be funny but its rude asf. yet people think hes so wonderful yes at performing but personally not my type of partner.

i think my problem is i can see through an idols idol image but people will really overworship their faves and claim this and that about them to defend their feelings because they dont ever want to see their faves in a bad light yet i think many of them are often worse than they deem themselves to be.

i also feel like they can easily manipulate their fans into having stockholm syndrome like their fans will just be ohhh he is so dateable and theres nothing wrong he could do but they never consider the fact these idols really really know how to perform to make people idolise them in such ways. especially given how young most stays seem to be in their teen years and again i like their performances but thats it for me. i aint being deluded no more yet if we try to ever comment anything undeluded we get shitted on for it.

what do you think about this? its ridiculous the lengths people will go to to absolutely claim their faves can do no wrong when its obvious in their on camera behaviour. i almost feel too old to be caring about this stuff but i see it more and more how whacked out it is, bangchan and stays relationship is like a toxic ex that never lets go of the relationship so what do some idols really expect people to be like towards them? they practically encourage unhealthy behaviours from the get go. "hey chan pin me up the wall" chans response "say please?" just yikes big effing no.

This is all just my opinion since I don’t know them.

First off Stockholm syndrome is wild 😭

You can just say they can make their fans delusional but like Stockholm syndrome is very different and very serious?

It’s not something to be taken lightly or thrown around

Also same with manipulate just in the connotation you used it in

I agree that they definitely feed into a lot of fans’ delusions and such

But it’s their job to

Now, I don’t think any particularly make me cringe more than others. Other than Mingi. I love him. He’s one of my faves. But that “Gotta work gotta make that money make purse” whisper thing haunts me.

Still love him and I have nothing against him.

But yeah, they all make me cringe sometimes. All people do.

I can agree, however, that a lot of them have very apparent red flags. I can also agree that fans can be overly delusional

With the Chan “say please?” thing I think that’s mostly fanservice. And also like…How else do you respond to that in his situation? He can’t overtly turn the fan down if he wanted to. This is a job. It never necessarily rubbed me the wrong way. Don’t get me wrong I’m not all into it going Gaga or whatever, but he’s an idol. His JOB is to appeal to the masses and feed into the delusion because that’s what pays and feeds him.

Honestly with Chan he’s always been very interesting to me. He reminds me of a teen parent a lot. In the sense of he never had quite got the chance to grow up but also had to grow up too fast at the same time. So you have that balance of being overly immature and overly mature. I wouldn’t call him a manchild though, he never gave me those vibes.

Honestly he seems more responsible than what people give him credit for. I feel like with Chan he’s just more mature in general than he’s given credit for, even with how he interacts with his group and certain situations.

But I think the disconnect is how deeply delusional he can be overtly. Which honestly I can understand. He’s a prime example of what happens when essentially your entire life from 13 to 27 is devoted on one thing. You start to worship it, almost. Put it on a platter and view it as the best thing ever. Do whatever you can to appeal to it. Become obsessed with it.

It’s part of what I hate about how young trainees are. You’re told your entire life that your fans are all that matters. You can’t date because you’d be betraying your fans. Have to be perfect so your fans love you and you want their love. Have to act both ‘sexy’ and ‘cute’ so that your fans will adore you, but lean into one too heavily and you’ll be too much. And most of all his life is dictated by them.

I feel like imo the Stockholm syndrome title if applicable to anyone in the situation goes to the idols.

Now, I can see the immaturity in him. I’m not saying it’s not there. But I wouldn’t call him a man child.

Like even looking at how he handled the situation of not being able to debut. He was a trainee for 7/8 years and never debuted. Of course an argument can be made of his immaturity because of that. But it takes a very very mature person to be able to sit there and say “I’ll debut when it’s my time to debut” and push through that. Or at least a very strong person.

This may just be my personal opinion.

And to say he has no boundaries with stay I feel is both accurate and innacurate. He has boundaries when it comes to certain things. Stay is often the one lacking boundaries. And if you spend 7 years with people pushing and pushing and disrespecting your boundaries and viewing you as an object you’ll start to believe there aren’t any boundaries there.

Does he say some cringeworthy stuff because of it? Yes. But the behavior in and of itself is entirely understandable.

With Lee Know and Seungmin I wouldn’t say they mistreat members. You can tell they care about the other members. But I can agree they can go to far in the things they say. Now, I’m not going to claim I’ve seen everything SKZ has ever done. Namely those two. But from what I’ve seen mistreatment is an over exaggeration of the highest order.

You’re acting as if Lee Know is a selfish person who doesn’t like someone who can’t do all kinds of stuff for people which isn’t something he’s necessarily shown? I can agree that sometimes he takes what he may believe as light hearted teasing or playful words too far. I’m not saying he doesn’t. But you can tell he never necessarily means for it to be purposeful.

And Stray Kids themselves have even stated he’s less like that with Felix because Felix can’t handle it. Which, using media literacy, means that if someone voices they don’t like it or he can tell they can’t take it he won’t do it. And Lee Know also added I.N to that and said he doesn’t fool around with him as much.

I’ve had friends who are similar. I even have family who are very similar. When you’re used to people showing their affection by…I don’t want to say making fun of you but making fun of you and saying certain things, you start doing that.

I’m not saying that’s his case. I don’t know him. But it’s an example.

And you can tell he’s caring. You can tell he cares about his members. You can even tell from the Muslim kid he’s been sponsoring.

Now, he has very apparent red flags I’ve seen. Like I said, he takes things too far sometimes. And honestly I don’t know what you mean by grow up. You can tell he cares about things but generally he doesn’t let things get to him because he’s mature. I know this statement is…Annoying, but some times things simply are not that deep. Plain and simple. He can understand it.

If there’s certain times he’s taken that too far I don’t know. I haven’t seen all of SKZ’s content.

With Seungmin, I haven’t watched a lot of stuff about him. I’ve only seen things he’s said to Bangchan about being old, and I can’t remember Chan’s reaction so I really can’t tell if he took offense to it/was hurt by it or not. Depending on Chan’s reaction it’s an entirely different…Comment? Dunno if that makes sense but I can’t find any other way to word it.

With Hongjoong I can admit I don’t consume a lot of Ateez content outside of their music and some interviews/moments I see on my feed. Mostly because I’m a more casual enjoyer of them than anything. But I’ve never seen him act like a man child? Ever?

If you have clips that give you those vibes let me know but I haven’t seen them.

Wooyoung I can see where you get certain things from. IMO, a lot of those things just read as he’s too…I guess confident. Bold. Unapologetically all up in your face saying whatever. People like that can sometimes be rude because they don’t take the time to think before they say or do things. They just do.

Though I don’t see the selfish aspect. You can tell he loves and cares for his members and even his friends outside of Ateez like Changbin/Felix for example since we’re on the topic of SKZ.

Maybe this is a difference of perspectives or content consumed. I don’t know. I hope you don’t feel like I’m trying to like…Disprove you or discredit your opinion because I’m not. I’m more giving my two cents on what’s said.

But yeah, people need to stop pretending their faves do no wrong. Because they do MUCH wrong. They have their ‘WTF’ moments and their cringe moments because they’re human.

But ngl I feel like (No hate or offense by this) you may fall into the polar opposite? Like you’re giving them too much grief for very human things they do and kind of bringing them to an extreme.

But it also might be because I’m the type of person who tries to think of the reasoning of an act rather than the act itself. Though the act always weighs in. And I’m also much less…Emotional? Generally? I attach less to it even if I can understand other’s emotions.

I like to look at all aspects of a situation. That can also be a disconnect

But yeah, in conclusion idols are humans with red flags who do very human things I guess

This reads like a rant but is not one 😭

[santae-salt]

disclaimer that im not super well versed in santae so pls correct me if im wrong or out of the loop on things /genuine i would love to hear back on what im about to word salad about as it has been rattling in my brain for a minute.

idk how much of a fair comparison this is but i feel like pawborough is the antithesis or at least a sort of mirror to santae in the way both are projects spearheaded by a single person. i think a major source of santae's problems is the fact that it has been in development for over 10 years and is operating with some extremely outdated philosophies. i know they aren't in the same petsim niches (neoclone versus rpg), but things like the premium renaming on santae feel indicative of that. i cant think of any RECENT petsim that has taken that direction. it could be just that i'm not looking in the right places, (neoclones never interested me) but a lot of the examples of sites that have renaming cost premium i've seen mentioned even on this blog are also on the older side. the fact that artists are getting paid at such low rates also feels like a holdover from the early days of petsims when things were much cheaper to produce (though i've heard people say rates THAT low were always considered pretty bad even back then).

definitely correct me if im wrong here, but i feel like the only new thing santae has really done is present itself as vehemently anti-retirement and not have a lot of KS exclusives. i'm pretty sure all the KS campaigns of petsims post-FR that i've ever heard of used some kind of exclusivity model, including pawborough. how this will eventually play out for santae is something that intrigues me, and if it proves to be a boon and not a detriment, i'll likely be happy to see future projects do something similar. but outside of that, santae to me sounds like its trying to be a modernized version of older style petsims, but it hasn't fully let go of aspects that more recent games have let go of/improved upon for good reason.

meanwhile, and i fully admit im biased because this is the project i've been following more closely, pawborough has always felt like it's trying to be more fresh and innovative. it started as a "FRclone" so to speak (three poses per breed, three slots for colors, each slot having different patterning genes, a color wheel for breeding, and some early web layout mockups were very similar to FR). it had its own stuff going on yes but personally, that was a big part of the appeal in pawborough at the time of the KS. i liked FR and i liked cats, why not have both? but over the course of its development so much has changed. theres a new color system for breeding, the site layout doesnt scream FR anymore, there's a stronger focus on the rpg mechanics, and much more. plus, if staff is to be believed, they have always paid their artists significantly better, allegedly starting at $50 per asset. and that number has gone up recently with plans to pay them even more once the site launches with premium purchases. now i will say some changes on pawborough has led some to people say it went from copying FR to copying another cat based rpg, Pixel Cat's End, and ehhh while I can see it my main point is that pawborough has evolved significantly since it started development, and i think it has benefited from it. not to mention, MANY of these changes were results of user feedback. (which isnt to say i haven't heard of santae changing things in response to feedback either, but it sounds like theres usually some initial resistance while with pawborough feedback generally feels like its being taken in stride and is seriously being considered.)

again, people who have been following santae for longer i would love to hear about their development journey and what they're trying improve on in the petsim landscape. i would love to check out a fresher take on a neopets style game with allll the QOL 2020s web design can provide. i just dont want to get in the discord or trawl through old posts on socials which are mostly just promotional adverts from what i can tell. sorry if this all sounds stupid i should be sleeping but i needed to get this out of my head!!! thank you fellow saltheads 💜

☁️

[w1f1n1ghtm4r3]

followup fun facts about together, to that promised aquarium

this is gonna be just kinda a disorganized post of random things so uh. dont mind that.

the event title is actually a double reference ^^ its both a callback to 1dt with 1c promising to find time to do things as friends despite getting busier (even if theres no ichika this time), and also a reference to harusakis first kizuna!

colopale you still havent given us that aquarium they said theyd go to. theres a reason i had to do it myself. the fact that theres not an aquarium event in general is a crime tbh i know theres some romantic connotations with a pair going to an aquarium but theres very easy solutions to avoiding that? sending a group of 3+ characters together, having them run into other characters while there, inviting someone else along (even if they cant go, it helps make it feel more like a friend thing i think). i did a bit of the latter two, as you mightve noticed! in general though its just SUCH an obviously fun event theme i cant beleive we havent had one yet

while i am a known harusaki shipper, i kept the story pretty light on the stuff that could be read as explicitly shippy, since when im trying to make fake events, i like to think about how itd work in canon, which means keeping it low on explicit ship content. plenty of stuff that could be taken as ship food (as id like it to be!) but nothing that would alienate non shippers from enjoying the story too.

i actually didnt write shizukasas presence as intended for ship content at all though, but im definitely okay with people taking it that way lol they can be on a date too if you want them to be. my plan with them was simply theyre childhood friends too but dont get to spend time together that often anymore -> their schedules line up with a free day and tsukasa heard about the aquarium from saki, decides to invite shizuku to go there with him as a part of hanging out together -> surprise encounter with harusaki!

also both of them were scoring quite high on the form when i decided to lock in the lineup (tsukasa was absolutely sweeping the 2* category, and while shizuku wasnt winning anything, she was a pretty popular choice) and theyre very easy to work into a story together and also into a story that is focused on harusaki (╯▽╰ ) the benefits of siblings and unitmates

(tsukasa 2* poll sweep at the time of me solidifying my lineup)

the event and gacha names actually both came to me one night while i was about to fall asleep. struck by inspiration so strong i had to grab my phone and write them down in my notes app. and they actually worked very well! also heres the transparents of the logos if you want them i guess

the card/skill/costume names also mostly came to me in similar ways, in the last couple nights before i finished everything. i think only saki, luka, and shizukus skills didnt come to me that way.

while the rui fish in tsukasa card might be obvious, theres actually more animals referencing other characters too! theres a group of three fish in sakis card that are the colors of the rest of leoni, the sneakiest of the bunch, and also not quite as sneaky but maybe not as obvious as the rui fish is the airi and minori sea slugs :)

i did think about giving tsukasa fish to be emu and nene too, but that many differently colored fish in a 2* seemed like too much, so i didnt do it... at least of the units involved, 2/3 of them are fully represented in some way!

and now most importantly probably, is that this is in fact my second pass at an aquarium event! the original one i started back in 2022 and......... i think you guys can figure out why i couldnt just reuse it when i decided to go for making an aquarium event again this time.

yep, youre seeing that right. 4/5 of the characters i chose are the same as what ended up being 1dt, all i got wrong was the vs. thats pretty crazy, honestly. im still not fully convinced colopale isnt just stealing my ideas after val3 happened too /j

it was also saki focus actually! i had written out a rough idea for the story back then too, and while theres some similarities to the current one, it obviously went through a lot of changes when revising the lineup and also with everything that has happened in the story over the past two years. it was definitely a bit more explicitly shippy than my new attempt, although i still tried to keep the shipping stuff toned back somewhat

i only ever made one card for that set though, just lukas 2*... but thats the original reason i made the old 2* backgrounds! its always those fake events throwing me into the graphic design trenches (fist shake) i had been trying to do a more canon-accurate style to......... mixed success. its not terrible, but i definitely could not have done the full set like this. theres a reason i did promised aquarium in my own style!

the original theme for the set was kind of like..... performers at an aquarium? along with living water sculptures of animals. it was a fun idea, but i think i was much better suited to doing the underwater scenes of promised aquarium and also we have plenty of performance themed trained sets already ^^

considering i also technically kept her from the original set (plus she was also winning the vs poll), i gave her a higher rarity card this time around for fun. and also because i knew none of shizuku tsukasa or luka would have super significant roles in the story, and i thought it would be fun to design a lim hairstyle for her!

one final random fun fact: the thing that kicked me into gear making promised aquarium was the fact that haruka wasnt on beautiful sound. i was just a little mad that they had an underwater set WITH A PENGUIN COSTUME and there was no haruka. sometimes petty beef brings out my craziest motivations and then i proceeded to spend the better part of a month planning and making it happen.

[avelera]

(given sanctuary anon back again) ((though ive just started "come live with me" too (ITS GREAT!! i dont trust whatever desire is up to AT ALL!) so what does that make me?? dual wielding anon?)) Anyhow i just read the GS new chapter! have i mentioned in any of these asks that "abandonment issues" is like my ultimate kryptonite?? and 1689 hob is in such a vulnerable spot for it too!!! like take any other time stamp (even post 1889) and hob WOULD find it in him to stand up and keep moving (even though it fucking hurts) but 1689 really is when he's low enough to straight up get on his knees and cry and beg and hhhhhhh. like on one hand "my poor boy" on the other "Oh delicious scene, high stakes emotions!" Its so good!

Also about your last reply, i dont think dream is changing too fast at all. Youve written this like he's just had a sudden realization that he's been (just a lil) shitty and now he's noticing the signs all over (lucienne flinching just breaks my heart) and has made a decision to change. But like you said, right now he hasnt actually fundamentally changed (yet)! We went over this in my psych class once (i dont thinks asks have a word limit anymore but ill still spare you the full rant) but essentially theres a big distinction between consciously MAKING yourself change your behavior, and actually having the change settle in to be natural and thoughtless. And its so clear in your fic that being kind is still such a stilted thing for dream and that he constantly has to fight for it and i love that!

AAAAH, Giving Sanctuary anon!!

1 ) Oof, yeah, Hob is definitely at a low enough place, without pride, to beg. That being said, there is an added terror to the moment for Hob in 1689 because unlike every other time Dream has taken off on him, Hob's not in London. He's on the other side of Europe, on a Greek island which is, admittedly, gorgeous but he has no money and (hasn't been mentioned yet but it's in my head) he speaks some sailor pidgin/lingua franca which includes Greek and Italian elements but he absolutely would only have the shirt on his back if Dream left him there for any substantial amount of time.

Hob has no way of making the expensive voyage back to England (Naxos is currently controlled by the Venetians in 1689) and no easy way to make a living or even communicate with most people in Naxos. As someone who has so recently like, earlier that week experienced the depths of privation and starvation, and was only just begun to get his feet back under him and maybe, maybe have a glimmer of near-term (as opposed to only long term) hope that things will get better for him, there are some very real, very practical reasons like starving again why Hob is ready to drop to his knees and hysterically beg Dream not to make some grand dramatic gesture like storm off in a huff on him for however long is appropriate for a literally ageless being to get his temper under control again. And Hob's not wrong to fear that it could be days or longer before Dream decides he should maybe go retrieve Hob from wherever he left him.

Just... yeah, Hob is absolutely melting down because he loves Dream and he has PTSD around being abandoned by Dream and having no one else in his life who really, truly knows him for who he is ever since 1389, and truly no one else who gives a shit about him in decades but Giving Sanctuary is fairly grounded in class and wealth concerns on Hob's end, at least I'm constantly thinking about those things when writing Hob's POV and constantly thinking about how Dream doesn't understand those things when writing their interactions.

Being abandoned without a cent to his name in a strange place was neck and neck with "pissing off and losing the person I love because of my big stupid mouth" in Hob's brain as a legitimate reason to have a full blown panic attack while running after Dream.

2 ) I'm really glad to hear you don't find Dream too unrealistic in his growth! Your psych class comment is a very astute observation and definitely something that's in my mind while Dream has begun to thaw out and grow, he still has bad habits he has to consciously break and doesn't always succeed, especially when miserable and on edge on the island where he had to retrieve his own son's dismembered body with his bare hands and bury it, only to be blamed by his ex wife and the mother of his child as the reason this horrific event happened in the first place. This is really the heart of darkness for Dream, the root of his depression began on this island. But he is working on being better, at least to the people who matter most to him.

Thank you I love these chances to talk about the fic!

[bawkrya]

a (infodump time GO GO GO :D )

-bleukorat-fr

@bleukorat-fr

hi i said my other infodumps would be unrelated to fr but i LIED bc i need to talk about the SILVER MARKET.

SO. the current “””head””” of the silver market is my Progen Feir!

Feir Used to be the Patriarch of Phrauge, coming from the Loral or Old Family, which had held the crown in Phrauge ever since the Clan was first created. He stepped down from his position as Patriarch and named Bawkrya the next Patriarch even though he did at the time have Heirs to inherit the throne. which caused a lot of fuss! but he didnt really care because he was more concerned about what was going on in the silver market, which like, what is that

The Silver Market is the illegal market that inhabits the Burrow Market (or just The Burrow), which is located directly underneath Phrauge, with the primary entrance being in the canyon between the Scarred Wasteland and Dragonhome. No one quite knows how this Market got started up, but everyone who knows about this market knows it was so they could do trades/sales/etc. under the radar of Flight or Clan laws. The Silver Market isn’t a common knowledge thing at all as well, you have to be knee deep in a lot of shady shit to even find out about it.

Guilds, Clans, etc. from ALL over Sornieth occupy the Burrow. Stalls, Very broken down buildings, etc etc make up the huge cavern and its VERY fucking packed. One of the primary jobs you can find down there is being a body guard literally willing to sacrifice ur life because of how packed it is down there-- if u even Look at someone wrong you WILL get ur ass beat. It’s a stupid intense area to be in, people are constantly dealing Various Items (heehee) that are worth even the slightest bit of value, theyre trying to get information, or they’re trying to escape/smuggle/etc. Anything that could get u landed in jail on Sornieth, it is most likely happening in this market.

There are some things that just arent tolerated in the market, as theres certain ways things are done for efficiency's sake, and Feir is the one that typically deals with it with his men. But again what is and isnt tolerated is Very grey and you just have to be careful about how you do things, bc if u do even one thing wrong in someones eyes, again, you can have your ass beat.

The silver market doesnt advertise itself whatsoever unless it is to other shady markets similar to itself. The dragons thrive on any source of income, and again will generally take any sort of work that gets them a good chunk of money, And given its underneath plague, they don’t really care if it fucks them up physically-- plague is all abt pushing thru it baby !!!!

I will say, a good bit of insp for what the silver market can look like is taken from the guild dens in Kill Six Billion Demons! its a lot more crowded, but its just a BUNCH of stalls, vendors, etc. trying to get their shit sold, so you’re constantly being approached when traveling thru the primary roads of the burrow. Hence why one would need bodyguards! Because ppl are so used to others just going up to them, those who frequent the burrow might get used to being approached, and just wont question it if someone rushes up on them LMFAO, so having a good guard that’ll protect u is vital if you intend to go there often

There are Backways to get into the burrow, but its really not the most stable at the moment. The burrow is One Big cavern thats been shelled out underneath plague, and the backways are smaller caverns that are considered to be “newer” than the primary cave. There’s several different backway caverns in Phrauge that are all strictly guarded as to make sure normal civilians dont wander in, under the guise of them being unstable or govt. owned caves. Which like, isnt a lie, but at the same time Phrauge really tries not to be too closely associated with the silver market like.           Publicly. 

BUUUT there are two other really big caves connected to the Burrow that inhabit some life. The first being my unnamed obelisk clan that started becoming active when Obelisks were first unearthed In Earth. These obbies are all a bit deformed, theyre all very aggressive towards other dragons, and generally are independent. Feir is trying his hardest to start working with these ladies, but again, theyre very aggressive to those they dont know. This clan is located a LOT further within Plague, right underneath the Quarantine Zone, which is why Feir believes them to be so aggressive/skittish. The trek to this clan is a Very hefty one, which is why theyve only been recently discovered like the other obelisks. Feir and the Private Council of Phrauge is currently trying to map out all of the cave system connected to the Burrow, which is how they ended up running into them.

The Private Council, which i havent even talked abt Anywhere before, is NOT the only ones who know about these obelisks though. The Lucilia is another group in the Burrow that resides in a big cave just out of reach of the usual marketers! And the creators of the Lucilia just happen to be Yagmur’s parents!

i dont actually have a set of dragons that are Yagmurs parents, but Yagmur themself is very active within the Lucilia with the information that their parents give to them, which is a lot of fucking dirt on the Loral family. (Yagmurs bio is written btw so u can get a bit more detail out of them)

The Lucilia is made up of a LOT of banished/”executed” journalists, officials, and more that had once been apart of Phrauge, or the clans that Phrauge attacked during the War of Flies. They’re very aware of the activity with the hidden Obelisks (and are studying them how they can), and are actually working with Feir and “Xu” (aka Yagmur) in order to get information about the War to the public.

The actual events of the War of Flies is REALLY hidden. So much so that a shit ton of dragons actually had their memories wiped of what happened during the war, because the Gods of Phrauge (not anura!!!!) didnt want to have their business aired out to the rest of sornieth. But! their power only reached so far, so there actually is a few dragons who remember what happened jst bc they managed to be out of the radar of the memory wipe. Feir happened to be one of the people to escape this radar, along with Xanthia, Yagmur, and *if i remember right* Arulo and Alvery. Fortinbras and Valencia also have information about this memory wipe due to their proximity to the government, but bc they have this knowledge theyre in a standstill w the Private Council. its so much

but yeah. the silver market is a really major part of my lore and theres still a lot of aspects i need to develop for it but this is a very general run down. EVENTUALLY, i will have a dedicated bio to it, which is why Silver exists! but um. again. its a lot of information. so while she’ll have a hefty run down, i might have to turn to a dedicated lore tumblr to go into actual depth, somethings might not b allowed on fr LMFAO

OH WAIT OH. XIDORN IS ALSO INVOLVED

the funny thing is that Yagmur doesnt know xidorn is involved with the market despite u kno, being married to him. but!

Xidorns primary job as most ppl kno is that he’s a cartographer. He’s known as the sole cartographer of phrauge, but because the Private Council is wanting to Map the cavesystem connected to the Burrow, he’s actually working with a proper team to get everything outlined. His job specifically is to get said outline done, while some others refine everything. hes like, the only one willing to go into the caves to get all the detail he possibly can, so he spends a good chunk of time down there. but he’s also mapping out the Malignant Redwood at the same time! he is a busy bitch!

and thats not even the only two things hes doing, despite spending so much time on both of the maps hes working on. He’s Very involved in the Silver Market fighting rings. 

He doesnt have any kind of alt name, he literally jst uses Xidorn, and its kind of a wonder how Yagmur hasnt found out about it yet? but also yagmur is really only worried about the war shit. but yeah he like beats the shit out of people for entertainment, but also, he basically has a whole hitlist. 

He won’t disclose who or what kind of group has hired him, not even to Bawkrya who has recently Found Out about his involvement in the market, but he goes after specific fighters in the ring and straight up kills them during the fights. These fighting rings are SHADY, so killing really isnt off of the table, and because Bawkrya doesnt want to get busted for being in the silver market as well, Xidorn cant really be arrested properly. But also hes like doing a form of justice? its a very grey area for what hes doing, bt he gets away with it.

He does do normal & fair fights within the rings bc again, its for entertainment (not just for the crowds), but no one is really surprised anymore if he murks his opponent in the ring. Bc no one realizes that it’s targeted! Most if not all of the watchers/ringmasters believe it to be bc Xidorn just gets Really Really into fighting his opponent and jst cant hold off from time to time, bc xidorn isnt like, killing these guys back to back. There’s even times where hes fought an opponent multiple times before killing them. So it kind of throws ppl off his trail, bc no one actually cares about genuine track record outside of how many fights theyve won or lost (& xidorn has a high win rate)

Bawkrya and a select few Have picked up on the pattern though, and Bawkrya himself is watching over it really carefully, but so long as Feir isn’t calling out the behavior, he won’t do anything about it. also he likes watching xidorn fight the mf is insane in the ring.

ok that is all i can think of goodbye

[outsidereveries]

i think the digitalisation of entertainment has ruined the simple enjoyment of entertainment for me cause theres almost too much of it now

do you think kpop overall will ever change its direction? i dont and never have really cared for tiktok challenges so its less appealling to those who dont partake in these choreographies of kpop groups. tbh I dont particularly know exactly what I like about kpop these days bc its debuting minors so much that im like ehhh its another pretty and young group so what? most often in that case i can just like them for their songs so it doesnt particularly bother me as such yet i feel like kpop still missing something or its been crazy with debuting recently yet groups are neither standing out too much or the members are quite similar to one another or its abt the images and concepts of groups rather than the songs themselves

do you ever think its taken it too far sometimes? like its never heard of less is more and some groups simply have too many members for me to fully care deeply abt each one is quite ridiculous. idk the only way i knew of kpop is through youtube so if we didnt have youtube rn i never wouldve heard abt kpop as they only seem to aim for america

so rather than other using platforms i dont even care if idols dating or no so idfk what exactly interests me much these days cause it seems that kpop is the main music rn and theres not much else that i particularly like abt music anymore so i kind fo have to like something so i dont die of boredom itself yet there isnt much for my age group to follow bc we already had our music phase

i feel too old to be liking whats current but not young enough to care that deeply for every trend or every internet fad there is. its weird to say but i often feel like i shouldve been from an older generation due to the amount of digitalisation of most media and entertainment being geared towards those who prefer online media yet theres nothing else to genuinely like outside of the internet bc its always seems to be centred around it come what may that or music and mvs are so flashy and fancy compared to what i had when i was these idols ages

even the fact that my age would be considered too old to debut in kpop is what is mind boggling to me but then id have to force myself to fit group concepts and whatever else even if they werent my taste so i probs would avoid doing kpop unless it had been from an older generation then id like to have seen more comparison bc there isnt much to compare from older kpop vs now where there is much more

i also think when older idols have said they had more rest time due to lack of internet or social media in general, i think many younger groups could benefit from more rest time yet the speed in which they are doing all these online extra things for their fans and even then they still can get negative backlash due to their fans toxic behaviour so it like they cant really win bc these groups grow up online nowadays but everyone need the internet and so much is done via a computer system so no one can truly escape needing social media either so even if their fans complain idols do too much why are they not more grateful towards what idols do for them?

esp since theres much more idols could be doing instead of being online or trying to go viral for every small detail they ever upload

these idols should thank their lucky stars with how much tool they now have and things like smartphones and whatnot or idfk instagram and other shit like that cause we never had those as kids and in a way i wish we never needed such devices cause again i dont care even if idols get into "scandals" it doesnt phase me bc its mainly that the internet overreact to such minor wrongdoings that often arent even wrong to begin with so thats an other thing i dont care for bc it always seem to want reactions from people or their fans hold it against the idols and make the idols suffer from the backlash that they receive due to people having too many means of expressing a thought or opinion online

i also think trends coming back again it doesnt surprise me anymore, like aespas cd player didnt surprise me so i didnt particularly care for it either, we had those, same for the way tech companies tried to modernise the flip phones that we also had it just aint truly wowing me rn whether it be their merch or even a few songs recently i think bc theres so much of it and its all only really accessible via our screens again maybe if kpop had been known from like before the 90s i mightve taken more of an interest but im like ehhh whatever

whats an even weirder thought is by the time these very young idols get married the internet is not only going tk descend into chaos but i will be long gone from this screen obsessed society, thank god

another thing i find useless to me is pop up shops seem so useless to me bc a) im either in the wrong country for them, im in the countryside thus its quite a trek to ghe nearest one and b) i just dont need to collect merch anymore even for western group i rather just like them for their songs these days than anything else

i think thats the only way to really like a group without getting overly attached to its members that and age gaps as well i find watching younger groups both give me fomo and existential crisis cause i never got to do anything cool like what they have and all the opportunities these groups are given is so so different and generally it all tends to be quite overly fancy and flashy but at the same time i dont know if i care enough tbh im just quite very bored of a lot of entertainment mainly bc its in such short formats tiktok and youtube shorts reels whatever tf theyre called again it only is going to get so much of my attention before i get sorely bored of it bc its not ever going to always be in person and its not something i would need anymore not like the good ole days of an internetless societh when we had cars that had cd players in them and you could generally find a use for some of the tech we had but nowadays it just seems like its load of nonsense geared towards needing our reactions or attachments in unhealthy mannerisms or behaviours that could be quite toxic for both the idols and their fans

if we needed albums then we all should still have cd player somewhere so albums dont go to waste or so they dont collect dust but no one going to be carrying around cd after cd due to smartphones so we dont particularly need a cd player if we can already access the songs on youtube and so on

even streaming ruin so many songs cause then it only matters if songs are getting the most views not whether they are nice songs or not or if they have good vocals or not non of that rlly matters anymore as per le sserras coachella performance it clearly doesnt matter if they are or arent actually talented cause so many groups just aim to go viral online

honetly i dont care how fucked up previous generations were id gladly take a time machine and go back to a non screen based society where entertainment seemed to be more lively and freer than what we have today where its so structured snd formatted mainly only for internet trends

sorry for my long ramble just wanted to get my thoughts out somehow about the way kpop has been recently it just seems much more toxic esp online, i kind of just have to like groups from afar bc i dont want to partake in it yet i also have to find something interesting enough to like and it only seems to be found on social media these days :/

sorry for responding only now;

to be honest, i agree that the entertaiment stuff being avaiable (basically almost) everywhere lost the spark of the entertaiment itself. because of it i really doubt the k-pop industry will be back like we used to know the entertaiment the industry has given to us so far, and this applies to all industires in my honest opinion. the social medias are definitely the main reason why the entertainment is overfilled in any genre possible (i am typing generally), like you said, the tiktok videos (challenges included)! i've never been interested in the content that involve promoting their song or anything else that will benefit the idol/s. this might be due to the fact i've never been obssessed stan to the extent i'll buy my ult group's merchandise (and reading what other stans've been doing, not only that..).

i also agree with your opinion related to the fact more underage trainees (boys, girls, doesn't matter) are debuting. i've always been casual listener of the genre, to be honest and even i've had some phases where i've been watching more content of some groups but that was it, you know?

the industry though has always been overfilled with groups and it's not from recently, most of them in the earlier generations (from 2nd onwards as far as i know) didn't work out either because of the majority of the companies were small or the groups didn't worked out. the paradox here is us, non-korean fans (mainly americans and europeans) give chance to more of the groups while koreans are picky, at least that's the impression i have.

related to the recent groups being the same, YES, YES, YES, I'M RELIEVED I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS SEEN IT! personally, from the 4th generation onwards i've sensed the transition from copying other groups' in one way or another to being TOO similar (and I am not saying that this is only about one specific group, I am typing it collectively). this might be due to BTS and BLACKPINK's popularity worldwide for which I am not suprised, to be honest.

the whole industry, not only k-pop, is taking too far with brainwashing us in one way or another through simple stuff (for example what are the friendship between member a and member b). okay, let's say we should have a position on an event x and y (and etc.) but have the majority of us (overall) looked into the alternative medias, the real life, the news? if you believe only the one side, have you ever seen what the other one looks like? nowadays it looks really favoritised for the most of the topics (sorry for switching the topic for a bit) and if you want to change the world and bring awareness, start with your local issues ffs (not cursing to you)! okay, i understand the underage fans who will bring awareness for events that are very important and impactful and i agree that sns for once can be actually useful but DO THE SAME FOR YOUR HOME PLACE, EYE TO EYE, or creating your own brand with an purpose that can change many people's lives! the issue here is that the influencers should be accepted LITERALLY, to have their own mindset, to think independently and to let their fanbase be aware of things they care about! almost all of them (i am including all famous people here in this group because more or less they're influencing us) are basically promoting themselves and the majority of their interests basically make me feel "is that it? your hobbies being too different from what's the reality surrounding you?" like, i shouldn't care at all about it but ALMOST ALL OF US ARE LIKE THAT, it makes me feel INSANE! i've learned about the genre through youtube/psy becoming viral too but the brainwashing stuff didn't become thanks to his song! maybe i've been realising everything just now but it had started in the beginning of the whole entertaiment industry, the k-pop isn't at fault for it, they just hopped on what should be done according to the americans and western europeans!

i also feel old to follow what's trendy nowadays so i changed my actual interests because if i still follow the k-pop often i'll become one of the many people, you know? the time and the generations have changed without a doubt and for some things it shouldn't happen like that, for that i am sad. (this includes the things you said, if i get more deep into the pointless stuff the k-pop industry have become it'll be just too long)

basically, i can relate with you. there are more things to do than following random famous people that will be more worth it in the end :)

[nvrtrust-naims]

i hate effort

i want to sleep

i hate effort but i hate failure more

i always push

i hate everything i can never relax

im scared to fail im scared to prove people right

i do good but never good enough

whats wrong w me i feel like theres something wrong w me i feel like everyone knows but me i feel like i was born wrong what did i do so wrong why am i disgusting sometimes i want to kill myself so badly all i can do is stare and lie down

i think i want to die again

im scared to fail at dying too i feel like i suck at everything why am i not good enough somethings wrong whats wrong i dont know and it scares me im always scared i never feel safe and when i do its fake i dont think i can keep going

i have vices but i think im ok dont i

i have to be ok or ill die

its strange that all this feeling is over something so small maybe i have a problem but im managing it well i havent attempted in months

all i can think about are my failures my inability my timing my unluckiness whats wrong with me

sometimes idk idk idk idk idk

i want to hurt myself in an indirect way so that it doesnt feel or seem like sh but i rlly know it is

thats what im doing rn

all im doing is hurting myself

sometimes i dont know myself

am i rlly exhausted and tired and burntout or am i neglecting what i need to do just to hurt myself as a punishment

im a masochist n ive been thinking abt that lately too : i dont know exactly why i enjoy pain or why i have maso tendencies but i have an idea that idk mayb i rlly am a narcissist n i just like being taken down a peg or mayb i dont love myself and i enjoy pain bc i want punishment for ever being born and for still existing

kind of like punishing my body for still breathing and pumping blood

or mayb i like the feeling of control like when im hurt the wounds are all mine n nobody can take them

when i love something/someone i hide it bc anytime that i was happy or i had something i liked it would get destroyed or thrown out

if i didnt hide what i loved it would get crushed

i had my diary read n i got beat for having my first crush n i think thats why writing in diaries n journals is difficult for me

when i moved for mayb the 4th or 5th time my teacher in elementary gave me an end of yr gift : it was lipgloss . when i put it on in the car my father grabbed it and threw it out the window

when i had hobbies they were taken away from me

i wasnt allowed outside as a kid or to have friends

sometimes ppl wonder why im "secretive" or "sneaky" but i feel like im just doing what i was taught

i was taught to hide myself bc im disgusting

ive never once wanted to live in my entire life ever since i could think ive never wanted to

i couldnt exactly point out that i wanted to die but it wouldnt take long it just felt like the right conclusion

n i still feel like all of this is over something so small

like im dumb for feeling i feel dumb i feel so stupid

im so unreliable whats wrong w me

i feel so alone but theres ppl i love n it feels like i disrespect them everytime i feel alone but what am i supposed to do idk what to do

i have to hide my emotions idk emotions are weakness is what i feel like ik its not true but its already instilled

nobody listened when i cried as a kid nobody cared i didnt even know my own name until i was 9 bc nobody said it enough

i feel like ill never be able to resolve my deeper issues bc i cant talk abt how i feel or what i want

i just go mute or i cry i just cant ive tried

it doesnt work bc im not meant to be happy

ill look back at this later n think im emo for thinking so hard over something so small

[strawberryseeded]

ok more thoughts (tbh just typing out stuff until it makes sense) abt the wwdits finale cos i was kind of out of it/frustrated whn i made the last post lol ^^;

literally everything, EVERYTHING until now indicated that nandor didnt give a fuck about guillermo and he was gonna 100% kill him, actually, literally, for having another vampire turn him, since this is a HUGE disrespect towards him in the vampire world. and ill be honest we as the audience kind of know already that nandor does care abt guillermo... but we also know that nandor isnt really aware of this, and thats hes pretty selfish and proud (and also an idiot). so yeah, hes very well capable of killing guillermo tbh!! but he doesnt!!!!

instead, he tells guillermo hes too important for him to do that, and that hell be sad if he dies! AND he even helps him turn completely by giving him human blood. unusually quick to catch on to what the problem was, i might add. as if he had taken guillermo's vampire hunter's blood and how it would affect turning him into consideration before. AND when he realizes that guillermo is unhappy he not only -as i said before- is the 1st one to notice, but he IMMEDIATLY cooks up a plan to help him revert the process. a GOOD one (wtf) and again, very quickly too, as if he was expecting this turn of events. HECK HE EVEN SAYS THAT EXACTLY he says that he suspected/feared that guillermo wasnt 'cut out' to be a vampire, which i think is something that has come up before in the show but in context im sure we all brushed off as a mere excuse for not turning him, since thats just the reality for familiars in this universe.

in the end, they go back to how things were b4 guillermo was bitten. everything goes back to normal… right? right, except we as the audience have a different perspective on things.

again, we kind of knew that the vampire clique(?) uh yea idk sorry im calling them that rn lol) kinda, sorta, cares about guillermo. maybe. well, now its... somewhat? confirmed, via the guide subplot that vamps are assholes to others bc they just hv a vampire way of expressing things. then again, this whole thing was towards another vampire, and until the last episode they dont see guillermo as a (true) vampire.

so like okay whats these two (guillermo and nandor)'s deal then

ok so this is the first time i actually think abt this sorry im slow lol.. until now ive been just seeing things unfold and just kind of paying attention to some details or other's ppls opinions. BUT NOW(?) i can actually SEE (kinda) whats goin on !!!!! i have some Personal Opinions & Feelings after the s5 finale

clearly theres the plot embryo structure at play here, and i think i now understand guillermo's arc a lot better.

theres something he wants, somethings he's always wanted: to become a vampire. for some LONG 4ss time now hes been very frustrated bc his master doesnt seem to have plans for turning him any time soon. hes growing anxious bc of this but we know thats not the only reason; he clearly thinks the vampires in the house dont value him, dont see him as an equal. he thinks nandor doesnt care about him. and hes not entirely wrong, tbh.

the "final" decision to ask derek to turn him comes from mostly these feelings of being inadequate, of feeling like hes the only one who actually cares (about guillermo himself. about what he wants. about him and nandor's apparently dead end relationship)

so he gets sick of waiting, and he just goes to get what he always wanted by his own means.

and regrets it completely. so much so that at the end he makes the decision to turn back.

so... what it is what he truly wants, then? or, better yet, what does he need? his true wish. why did he want to become a vampire this whole time? what is he after?

in the last ep is also revealed that (apparently?? idk im gonna need a bit more context) its guillermo who choose nandor as his master. or at least, he genuinely thought nandor was a really good choice. the best even. he admires him, wants to be like him. wants to be near him.

guillermo probably admires the vampire's lifestyle more than being a vampire itself. he has a very supportive family but they are also... vampire hunters, so its clear they dont like vampires, and probably disagree with their lifestyle for that same reason, which obviously ties together with it being a religious family and also the fact that guillermo's sexuality is pretty obviously closeted.

ok im gonna leave it there i think the conclusion its p obvious at this point

but what about nandor??? welllll ok i think i got it but lemme try to figure it out entirely?

i think nandor's most important arc until now was... kind of the opposite but also the same as guillermo's. he tried to become human.

the reason he did this was bc he felt lonely as a vampire. yea being a vampire is cool as fuck but its kind of isolating in a way too when youve got no one to share it with. im not gonna go super in depth talking abt this bc 1) i saw this season whn it came out n havnt rewatched it since n dont wanna misquote anything -.-;; and 2) i think the meaning its also pretty self explainatory. im literally describing it and you can already tell what everything means. of course its guillermo who goes to get nandor back to tell him that thats not who he is.

ok moving on. nandor is p much still alone in the romantic/lifetime partner sense. he alredy tried changing who he is to get a partner (or at least, to have a place where he doesnt feel as lonely) and that didnt make him happy. NEXT, with the help of the genie (sorry idk if thats how u write it eng is not my 1st lang im lazy etc) he tried, on the contrary, to change all his partnerts to the point they werent themselves anymore to accomodate his needs and whims. he tried to find the "perfect" partner, one that did everything he wanted, exactly. well, surprise, that didnt work out either. that didnt make him (or anyone) happy.

at this point i think its p obvious that he needs to compromise with other people. hes too self absorbed, too focused on what he wants as an end goal and doesnt truly see who his partners are as people. for him, they just serve as a role, they just exist to feel this void he has, this loneliness.

woooow guillermo's and nandor's issues are way more similar than what i thought!!!!!!!!!!!wooooooooooow using my brain worked u guysss ^^

[littlemisslipbalm]

“it’s not that important”

Summary: Y/N is in Harry’s band and one night they have a drunken hook up. One thing leads to another and they find themselves engaging in a friend’s with benefits type of situation. spoiler: it is important

AKA: A friends with benefits to lovers story :) with some angst in there

This is for @stylesharrys fallinharry10k celebration so my trope is friends with benefits! prompt is “you have no goddamn idea what you do to me. when i’m around you, i have no control of my emotions or my thoughts” and the tenth picture ^ i kinda just used it in the beginning to descripe what he was wearing - i got really carried away with this story but the prompt is in there !! lol, not proofread tho but would love your feedback !!!! :) love y’all very much 

oh boy i’ve had this done for agesss but i hadn’t written the smut until today so now we’re here i dont even remember what happens - i vaguely remember not loving the end but I hope yall enjoy

Word Count: 15.4k (longest fic to date) | Warnings: smut, angst, fluff, alcohol consumption? i dont remember but i dont think theres anything too heavy in here.

-

“Hey Harold!” You smile as you easily hop over the side of the couch and settle beside your bandmate.

Harry groans, yet can’t keep the small smile off of his face when he sees it’s you. “How many times have I told you to never call me that?”

Your eyes narrow at his faux glare. “And how many times have I told you, I simply do not care?” 

You reach a hand out and tousle his already disheveled, unstyled brown hair. Despite his lack of styling, his hair still looked perfect. His chestnut hair fell into a middle part when he did nothing to it and you found it endearing. It made him look far younger than he truly was, like a boy you might have pursued when you were in your early days at college. The waves slightly framed his prominent cheekbones and chiseled jaw that was sporting a tiny amount of stubble.

He moves his arm from around the back of the couch to pat at his hair, trying to put it back in its nondescript position you had just messed with. After he’s satisfied, he uses the same hand to push up his glasses on the bridge of his nose. They’re chestnut brown Gucci frames that match the natural highlights in his hair. You can safely assume that’s why he bought them. The lenses are clear, but you know they don’t hold any prescription. He looks incredulously at you from behind them still.

“Nice glasses,” you mention offhandedly as you reach out to the coffee table to grab the drink you had left there earlier.

Before Harry had arrived, you had been taking up residence on the couch, in the spot he had actually taken up. You had ventured to the restroom for a moment and gotten held up in a conversation when asked your preference for the Beatles. Having to defend your staunch stance for the Beatles and against the Rolling Stones, you had gotten swept up into an argument with Adam. He believed that because the Rolling Stones toured for longer warranted them the title of best rock band. While you countered that despite their long touring and production of music, the Stones had a rotation of members. The Beatles maintained the four of them and held such a large impact even though they were barely together for a decade. They were one of a kind, or at least the first of their kind, you’d allow. You weren’t really in the mood for intellectual conversation tonight, so upon seeing Harry taking up your seat, you had told Adam you’d continue the discussion at a later date and returned to your spot.  

“Thanks,” Harry mumbles as his gaze flits around the room. He wasn’t sure if you were actually complimenting him, but he would take it as one either way.

The rest of your friends are all up and about, drinking, talking, dancing. It was the usual house party scene: a relatively intimate gathering, music you all actually liked, some friends of friends feeling slightly out of place. There was no pressure in this type of gathering but still Harry wasn’t necessarily in the party mood tonight. Usually, Harry was the one instigating these types of get-togethers with his friends and bandmates. He liked to be the life of the party, but as the tour loomed closer and closer, he felt some tinge of longing for quiet and solitude. He knew he wouldn’t have much quiet while on the road, which mostly didn’t scare him. He loved the stage and the high he received from performing and the gratification he felt from all the people in the room being there to see him. But there was also that other part of him that liked the quiet, the privacy. As the lack of alone time nudged itself around the corner, he had been hoping to enjoy solitude, or at the very least peace before he was on the road. Some sort of blissful state before technical chaos ensued. When Charlotte, the host of tonight’s soiree, had texted their group chat about tonight, Harry had politely declined. Then came the slew of private texts from Charlotte giving him all the reasons he should come tonight. He tried to say no again, but had shown up after the continued begging from her.

His appearance mirrored his expression, choosing a not perfectly fitted white t-shirt and random trousers rather than picking something he really loved, like usual. You could tell something was up and as his friend you were wondering what was wrong with him.

“Don’t sound so excited, Harry, someone might mistake you for somebody who’s happy to be here.” You stick your tongue into the side of your cheek, gauging his reaction.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re not very funny?” He quips, green eyes flashing to meet yours.

Your banter is probably how the pair of you communicated the best, never really falling into the whole serious side of friendship. You never shared those late night talks about the future or your fears. It was a fun friendship, so you didn’t fancy yourself one of his closest confidants. When it came to music, you and Harry were a bit more serious which formed a sort of paradox because the music you would share with each other gave a far greater insight into your souls than you probably realized. As a member of his band, you would discuss his music and what was going on with that sort of business part. But the sharing and discussion of other music that you did was part of your friendship, even if you didn’t see it like that. Because of the countless albums you had recommended to each other and the specific songs you had made note of, Harry and you knew each other much better than you thought you did. Music connects to something deep inside yourself and you have to like it enough and know the other person well enough to believe that they will also enjoy it to recommend it. As much tongue and cheek that you partook in with Harry, deep down, unbeknownst to either of you, you were that friend he shared his hopes and fears with, through the way he knew best, music.

“No, most people find me hilarious...”

You take a sip of your drink, trying to cover up the sting that his remark actually left. Most of the time you were great at keeping up with anyone’s banter, especially Harry’s, but tonight you weren’t feeling it. His tone had sounded so harsh it almost sounded like he meant it. His features soften when he sees the way your face falls, despite your sarcastic tone.

“‘M sorry. I’m just not in the best mood tonight. Didn’t want to come, but Charlotte…” He shifts to face you, arm retracting slightly around the couch, landing his hand at the edge of your shoulder. His fingers fiddle with themselves absentmindedly, he turns his rings around his fingers and they ever so slightly brush against your shoulder. You don’t mind, you know its his nervous tick that he did whenever he didn’t have something to clink them against.

“Yeah, same here, actually.” Your tuck an out of place hair behind your ear, returning your gaze to Harry, who’s tilting his head at you curiously. “But might as well make the most of it, though. After all, this is our last week before tour starts.” You raise your glass and tilt it towards him before taking a sip.

You really didn’t have a plan, you were just trying to make him feel a little better. It was seldom you saw him so solemn at this type of gathering. He usually was the one bouncing from group to group, entertaining everyone with his dazzling charm and quick wit. Sometimes he would bring a date and spend the night with them in the corner, but that was usually at bigger parties than this. At these types of gatherings you often found yourself talking with Charlotte for most of the night. You were both new additions in the band and you had clicked immediately. You would travel in a pair between different groups and talk with everyone. Sometimes you would tell a humorous anecdote about your life and everyone would laugh wholeheartedly. Your ability to retell a story and make it hilarious every time seemed to be your secret talent. You could make any experience into a ten-minute retelling and it always sounds like the funniest moment of your life. It ranged from your embarrassing audition for Grease as a tween to your supermarket run in with an old acquaintance or B-list celebrity the day before. It didn’t matter what it was, it just always had the entire circle of people laughing and wiping their eyes with joy. You’d laugh a little with themselves, but usually you just had a triumphant smile on your lips for the rest of the night.

He nods, sipping his own drink for the first time since you had settled down beside him. “Well, I’m all ears.”

“What?”

“Give me your suggestions on how to make the most of tonight.”

“Drinking, mostly, was my plan,” you laugh nervously as Harry continues to stare at you intently.

“Mostly?”

“I mean, what do you want me to say? I didn’t think to pack my bouncy castle, my bad.”

He bites back a laugh but lets some air escape his defined nose, before staring with a deadpan face at you.

You like to tease him. You simply liked him. Harry was different from other men you knew. You were pretty sure most people could say that though. Harry was just different. It seemed like no one could not have some sort of affection for him. With the playful friendship the pair of you had, you always skirted the edge of flirtation. But you also didn’t particularly ever want to cross any lines with him. He was the employer of you, technically. He had brought you into his backing band and you wouldn’t do anything to harm that position. As well, at the end of the day you knew Harry. His tendencies and the choices he made.

When you were around him at parties like this, you had to try really hard to keep him at an arm’s length. Because on one hand, you would drink and suddenly the boundaries you put up didn’t seem that important, instead his lips started to look rather inviting, but on the other, you knew that he was extremely emotionally closed off to any relationship that was more than either friendship or a one night stand.

Harry doesn’t give you a response, just swings back his drink. The pair of you sit and drink in silence. Before you know it, Harry and you are five drinks in, finally talking after the second. The pair of you decide to move to the balcony outside and continue your conversation there after the third. After the fourth, you're getting really handsy and by the end of the fifth, Harry’s arm is wrapped tightly around your waist and you're laughing breathlessly into his neck. It looks like he’s just shielding you from the cold night air, but both of you seemed to be enjoying each other’s embrace for other reasons.

Finally catching your breath, you lean back and pant softly as you meet eyes with Harry. His pupils have blown out from the alcohol and dark light. The emerald green barely surrounds the black and you swear there’s flecks of gold or maybe brown in them. Your brows scrunch at the revelation and Harry asks what you’re thinking. You don’t respond, too entranced and drunk to even hear him.

“Oi,” he bops your nose, “What is goin’ on in there, little lady?”

Your hand reaches up and widens Harry’s eye manually. His inebriated state has no qualms about you doing such an odd thing. “Why’s your green not actually green?”

“What?” He asks before moving your hand away from his face, it instead falls to his chest. The pair of you shift until your caged between his body and the balcony’s ledge. You pout as you stare up at him. His skin looks soft and taught over every inch of his face and neck. The urge to kiss him keeps nagging at the back of your mind. The idea keeps creeping up closer and closer and the drunker you are the less likely you are to suppress it.

“Do you want to fuck me?” You blurt out.

“Sure.” Harry isn’t taken aback. He had been thinking about asking for a while, so he was glad you had asked first, made it easier for him.

“Okay, let’s go.”

He takes you back to your place, the pair of you catching a cab the short distance between yours and Charlotte’s flats. No one blinks an eye at the pair of you leaving together. Everyone watched the pair of you sulk all night about being there and only enjoying the other’s company, so they weren’t keen on either of you staying. Charlotte was simply glad the pair of you had stayed for as long as you did.

The two of you walk casually until you’re inside your bedroom. Once inside, Harry throws you on the bed and fucks you. Hard. He’s got you spread out in more ways than you had ever thought possible. He’s got you saying things you had never even dreamed of saying. And he’s got you cumming and screaming more than you could have ever wanted. He enjoys himself as well. He loves the way you feel around him and the way your eyes look up at him while he fucks you straight into the bed. He loves the way you sound whispering dirty things and screaming his name. He loves the feel of your soft skin all over your body as he pushes deep inside you. He loves the way you’re able to rip a guttural moan from him every time he cums. And he cums three times that night. While it wasn’t quiet, he did find that blissful state he had been in desperate need of.

After the third round, Harry feels spent. He brings himself into a sitting position, legs hanging off the edge of your bed. You’re lying in your bed, completely overstimulated, cumming at least twice as many times as Harry. He scratches at the top of his head, his bicep bulging as he folds his arms around himself.

“That was fucking good, Y/N. Just what I needed.”

You can only hum in response.

Then he takes your blanket and lays it over you. After that he begins to stand up, getting ready to grab his things and go.

“You don’t have to go…” your voice raises when you realize what he’s doing.

“Yeah, I do. This was just a one time thing, yeah? I enjoyed it, but you know...”

“Erm, I guess?” You rolled to fully look at him, he was pulling his t-shirt back on now, his marked chest disappearing beneath the white fabric. “Do you really not stay over at your one night stands?”

He thinks about it as he begins with his shoes and his glasses at the same time. “Yes? Usually I don’t know the person and I don’t particularly want to sign an autograph when I leave in the morning. Best to leave immediately afterwards.”

“That was exactly why I wanted you to stay...Shit! No chance you’ll give me an autograph now? Could sign my tit, right next to your hickies.”

He laughs, automatically in a better mood after the catharsis of having sex. It was also a relief for him that you didn’t seem to be weird about the hook up. “Shut up!”

“You’re a twat, Harold.” He groans instinctively at the annoying nickname, not caring about the ‘twat’ part. “But be my guest, you can freeze your arse off while waiting for your cab outside at this hour.”

“Rude..” He mutters, standing in your doorway now. “You wouldn’t actually make your employer stand out in the cold at this time of night. I haven’t even got a jumper. Could get a cold and ruin my voice. ”

“You’re the one who says it’s best to leave immediately. Get on it, mister.”

Your hand makes a shooing movement, but he doesn’t budge. You sigh as he makes a puppy dog face - eyes wide and a puckered pout with his flushed cheeks and lips - playing into your actual kindness, that he knows is somewhere. Your sweetness that you were keeping hidden from Harry right now. Nothing was serious between you so it made sense that you were trying not to let your innate ability to care show as he’s about to walk out on you.

“Ugh, fine. Stop looking at me like that. Just grab one of my coats from the bottom right, they’re all oversized so one should fit.” He doesn’t relent on the face. “And you can stay inside until your cab comes.” You sigh and throw one of your pillows at him. He catches it easily and throws it back, much softer than your throw. “Also never pull the employer card on me again when I’m naked in the bed you just fucked me in,” you call as he looks through your closet.

Returning with a patchwork coat you had thrifted tight over his shoulders, he looks at you seriously, “Yeah sorry about that part. Definitely wasn’t trying to exert my power over you, it sounded better in my head. Meant more like you could ruin my voice and both of our jobs.”

You nod and chuckle slightly, finding how inarticulate Harry could be as an endearing trait. His explanation didn’t actually make it sound better. “The jacket fits.” You say, choosing to move forward from Harry’s weirdness, knowing he didn’t mean any harm from his initial statement.

“Yeah, thanks. I think my cab is here,” He glances at his phone, “So I’ll go...See you?”

“I’m sure.” You smile, “We do in fact work together and will soon be touring the world. Would be a bit weird if I didn’t see you.”

“Right.” He nods and adds a peace sign before he walks out of your sight. You know he’s gone when you hear the door click shut. What an interesting night.

-

Love on Tour had just started and Harry couldn’t lie. He couldn’t keep his mind off of you. You were both his most recent partner and the best he had had in a while. He found himself rubbing over the spots on his neck and clavicle that you had given particular attention to during the night you had shared together. When he went to bed it was your body he pictured to get himself off. So, after the first show he’s beelining to you at the beginning of the after party. He’s got an adrenaline high and he needs a release. You’re the solution. He’s whispering in your ear, asking if you’d like to meet him in his dressing room. Your eyes study his face when he pulls back and they widen slightly when the realization of what he’s implying dawns on you. Then you’re nodding and excusing yourself from a random conversation five minutes later.

Inside Harry’s dressing room, you find Harry already unbuttoning his shirt. He grabs your face and shoves his lips onto yours once you lock the door. As he kisses you he tries to make one thing very clear, “This doesn’t mean anything.”

“Got it.” You begin to finish Harry’s job of taking off his shirt.

He pulls back to look you in the eye, “Are you okay with that?”

“Jesus fuck, yes, Harry, just shut up and fuck me senseless again!”

He listens to you and begins to kiss down your jaw and neck. His open-mouth kisses leave a searing trail across your skin. He settles on a spot at the base of your neck and begins to suck and nip at it with vigor. You set to work on finishing his job of unbuttoning his shirt. Then you pull off your own shirt, reaching behind you to untie the bows at the back. The new skin exposed grabs Harry’s attention and he moves down to suck over the cleavage of your tits. He’s happy to be back with his ‘bosom friends’. You smack his head when he says it and he chuckles darkly, only sucking harder on them causing you to moan louder than you would like.

Once you’re both in only your underwear, you find your back pressed up against the mirror behind the dressing room counter. Harry’s body is nestled between your spread legs as he kisses down your skin. His fingers dance along the line of your thong as he looks up from beneath his lashes for position, you only push his head closer to your heat in response. He laughs mischievously before tugging them down off your hips.

“Missed this pretty little cunt...All I’ve been thinkin’ ‘bout,” He mutters as he begins to latch onto your dripping core.

Your brows shoot up at the thought that Harry’s mind has been stuck on you for the past week. You definitely had thought about your drunken hook up a bit, but hadn’t thought it had left a lasting impression on Harry, you assumed he had that lovely of a night with every person he chose to spend intimate time with. These thoughts are forgotten when Harry’s warm tongue is lapping at your swollen bud. You’re already panting for Harry and now you’re heaving with moans and whimpers leaving your mouth with every lick and nip of his expert mouth.

“Fuck Harry, feels so good,” you whine as his tongue travels down your folds and swirls and dips into your hole.

He moans at your words and the way your legs squeeze at his head. His hands move to spread you open wide to maintain his control and he smirks at the way your body rolls due to the friction of his voice against your pussy.

“Be a good girl f’me,” he growls still pressed against your wet heat.

Your body rolls again as you get closer and closer to your first release. Your bite your lip trying to contain all of the sounds that are trying to escape your mouth. Harry notices the new silence and glances up seeing how you’re trying to behave. As much as he likes you obeying his words, he also wanted to hear how he was pleasuring you.

“Tell me how you feel, princess,” he demands.

“So-so good,” you hiccup as his fingers caress over your folds now as he looks you in the eyes, his lips wet with your slick. He kisses you hard, his tongue diving into your mouth and you kiss back passionately, loving your taste on his tongue.

He pulls back and your hands trail down his chest, swirling around his familiar tattoos and hair that grace his lower torso as you move. He grins, enjoying the feeling of you on him and how he was affecting you.

Soon enough, his cock is finding its way back to your glistening folds, wet with your own liquids as well as his saliva. His mouth waters at the sight. He only pushes into you a few times like this. Then he catches sight of himself in the mirror in front of him and can’t resist. He pulls out and flips you over, your squeal leaving your mouth before you can stop yourself. His dick finds your entrance once again, not wanting to be without the wonderful warmth for any longer than he must.

“Ahhh,” Harry groans when he slips back inside.

Your head throws back on your neck, the feeling of him as well as the sight of him gripping your hair in one hand and your fleshy hip in the other. His rings dig into the skin as he’s able to slam more forcefully in this position. You gasp and whine at his motions. The sounds coming from between your legs are turning you on even more and they seem to make Harry happy too. He picks up the pace and drops the grasp of your hair for a second. Your head falls down as you try to keep yourself up on your elbows.

Gripping both of your hips, Harry growls, “Look at me while I fuck you. C’mon now.”

You moan in response and tear your eyes open to see your reflections in the mirror. One hand goes up to hold onto the mirror to give yourself more traction, causing your back to arch even more. The new position has Harry’s cock slamming into you deeper.

“Fuck!” Harry practically yells and can’t keep himself from landing a harsh slap on your ass. You jump forward at the sting but his other hand keeps the pace steady. He keeps burying himself into you all the way to his base, his balls slapping at your now slick spread thighs. He rubs over the red handprint he had just left on your ass. You whimper and bite your lip, truly enjoying the sensation.

Still staring into the mirror as Harry commanded, your eyes water slightly and Harry makes eye contact with you through the mirror. You smile widely and he grins back. “This feels so fucking good. Your pussy takes me so well. Fuck…” Harry babbles, still pistoning into you. You had noticed how vocal he was the first time you had fucked, but thought it had just been the alcohol. Apparently not. But you didn’t mind, you much preferred it to partners who barely spoke or didn’t even moan. Like how were you supposed to know what was going on in their minds? With Harry, you knew he was having a good time.

A few more heavy thrusts and you felt yourself nearing the edge. Your panting was getting faster, exceeding the speed of Harry’s thrusts and he could also feel you were close. Your cunt began squeezing him tighter so he hooked a hand under your knee and brought it onto the table. He hunched over you slightly and snaked his hand to your clit. “C’mon darling, I know you're close. Can feel that little cunt putting a choke hold on my cock.” He rubs at your clit with the vigor of strumming a quick paced song on the guitar. It’s enough to overtake your senses and the laugh that had bubbled from his words turns into your orgasm moan. You try to muffle it into the arm that is holding you against the mirror to avoid a full on scream because it feels that good. You felt like you were having your first ever orgasm, it felt that new to you.

A few more thrusts and you’ve come down from it, but Harry still hasn’t finished. It’s your turn to be the partner coaxing the other to get off. “Faster, Har. Want you to cum too.” He grunts, picking back up the pace. He had slowed to let you ride out your stay. “That’s it...want you to cum in me. Your cock feels so fucking good.” You whine, meaning every word. He smiles again at you and closes his eyes, focusing on chasing his high. You watch as his smile widens to that open mouth grin, “Fuck,” he almost whispers. And there it is. There’s a twitch in his hips that mirrors his expression and then he’s pulling out and cumming on your back. His voice is now even lower and raspier than before as he babbles how good that was and how tight your pussy was. It was sweet nothings, but extremely explicit and you sighed heavily, feeling a small orgasm wash over you again. His final thrusts and voice pushing you off the cliff again easily.

The two of you take a minute to bring your breathing back to normal and Harry goes to clean your back off.

“So..how do you feel about maybe doing this regularly?”  Harry asks sheepishly as he begins to pull his pants back on.

“Like a friends with benefits kind of thing? Or bandmates with benefits, rather.” You laugh breathlessly at your not really funny joke, but you’re now truly exhausted. From the show and the fuck, you felt thouroughly worked out.

“I guess that’s what it is, yeah.”

“Yeah, sure. Sounds good.”

“You’re honestly so chill, Y/N. It’s fuckin’ hot.”

You laugh and flip your hair dramatically. You’re only in your bra and panties right now and Harry licks his lips, finding your playfulness to be a turn on. “What can I say?” You laugh.

“But like I said before...it’s just sex.” He’s buttoning up his shirt and looking at your reflection through the mirror now. He watches you slip the pants you had been wearing back on.

“Oh, Harold, I know.” On cue, he groans and turns around to face you after fixing his mused hair in the mirror. Interrupting yourself, you turn your back to Harry, “Can you tie this, sorry it’s hard for me to get the -” Harry walks to you without any hesitation and begins tying the silk ribbons on the back of your shirt. “Thanks. Anyway,” you turn to face him when he’s finished and you place both of your palms on his chest. “Trust me, I know you’ve got your issues and I’m not looking to be the girl that tries to change you. I know what this is. I only ask that you let me know when you sleep with other people, because once you do, you won’t need me.” Harry nods and you pat your hands against him. You both smile and go your separate ways when you leave the dressing room.

-

Harry and you fucked almost every night on tour. Sometimes it was right after, on the counter in his dressing rooms. Sometimes it was later in the evening in his hotel room or yours. He stopped leaving immediately after your hook ups. He never kicked you out of his room so he decided it was fine for him to stay in yours. Especially because you weren’t a stranger who would be weird with him in the morning. He also didn’t like trekking through the hotel halls late at night.

The first few times you stayed in the same bed, the two of you stayed on opposite sides of the bed, not touching after you were finished engaging in your sexual endeavours. Rigid bodies against the edges of the mattress. Then one particularly long night, filled with multiple rounds, Harry was so exhausted from his performance on stage and off that he collapsed on top of you. He fell asleep there and you didn’t particularly mind. It felt nice to be slightly compressed and held. He shifted in his sleep and when he woke up he wasn’t upset to find you nestled into his side with his arms wrapped around you. After that, cuddling sort of became part of the routine. After you were done having sex, Harry or you would get up to clean up and bring back waters. Then you would settle in his arms. Sometimes in a spooning position and sometimes you cradled softly into his chest. You didn’t talk about it, it just happened.

One night it was your head directly on top of his butterfly tattoo, one leg thrown over his lower torso and your arm snuggly wrapped around his middle. He liked to pet your hair when you laid against his chest in that way. His fingers would fiddle with the strands and you liked it because he usually took off his rings before he would do it and his hands felt so soft and delicate against you. Harry liked the way he felt when he would hold you afterwards. It was calming to fall asleep against your soft skin and feel your fingertips trace lyrics to songs he wasn’t sure the name of against his own.

No one knew about how your friendship with Harry worked. To the rest of the world, you seemed to be someone who had become another close friend in the band. You were similar to Mitch in many respects. Except for when Harry winked at you during a show, it wasn’t a friendly wink, it was a ‘this song makes me horny and I can’t wait to relieve the pressure by fucking you later’ kind of wink. You knew this because Harry had gone over and whispered it in your ear during a quick break, when you had only looked at him weirdly after he did it.

Before the show tonight, you pulled Harry aside, “So what are we thinking tonight? I feel like I might want to ride you...Haven’t been on top in a while.” In the darkness of the backstage, you crane your neck to take Harry’s earlobe between your teeth. He groans softly and grips your hips to guide them against his for a second. “Sounds fuckin’ fantastic, love.” You twitch back, releasing him immediately at the word. You always told him not to call you that and he tried to reason with you, that it was just something he called people. But you disliked it a lot, adding it to the growing list of rules the pair of you had for the do’s and don'ts of being friends with benefits with each other.

“Harold,” you groan and he steps back at that pet name. While he hated this, you refused to let him put it on the list because it didn’t cross any lines with your physical arrangement. Not that there was any physical list to put it on, it was more of a theoretical list that the two of you would speak of occasionally.

“Sorry.” He says eventually, “Didn’t mean it.” You both laugh.

You think about how other relationships were sometimes desperate to hear their partner express their love for them and you believe you’re grateful for the simplicity of your arrangement. The term relationship regarding what you and Harry were doing was also in the ‘don’t’ category on the list. If either of you were being honest, there should be no need for a list and you should be questioning yourselves why you felt the need to set boundaries if one part of it was physical and the other part was your friendship and job. If it truly was just physical why were boundaries constantly needing to be set and followed? But right now honesty was not in the cards.

-

After the show Harry gets delayed with press or fans or something that you don’t really care about. You barely read the text that he sends, only caring about the ‘sorry got held up’ and the ‘be there in thirty’.

You let yourself into his room and wait on the bed, flipping through your phone, completely unbothered by the rest of the world. When you hear a knock on the door, you don’t think twice about getting up and opening the door. You only realize your terrible mistake when it’s Mitch and not Harry standing at what you’re also just realizing isn’t your door, but instead Harry’s.

“Shit!” you say under your breath as Mitch looks at you confused.

The room is dark behind you because Harry would have just entered and gotten down to business. He might turn on a side lamp, but you hadn’t felt the need to have light on while you waited. Forgetting all of that, you had just gone to the door and opened it.

Mitch tucks some of his hair behind his ear as he stares at you. “Is Harry here?”

“Er..No?” It comes out as a question. You rub the back of your ankle with your foot, feeling nervous.

“Is he actually not here or?” Mitch trails off, narrowing his eyes at you.

“No, no he’s really not here. I’m waiting for him, too.” You rush your words, but try to remain calm.

“You have a key to his room. And you’re waiting in the dark.” He says. They’re not questions and you’re not sure just how guilty you look.

“Yeah!” You try to come up with a non suspicious response, hoping there’s a way to still salvage your’s and Harry’s secret, “He gave me his key because he wanted to talk about something and I kept it dark because my eyes always hurt after shows. Kind of like a migraine.” You scratch at your head and smile, trying to convince Mitch. He seems to believe you as he nods slowly and opens his eyes more.

There’s a little bit of an awkward silence and Mitch shifts his weight between his feet, looking at you still. Just as you're about to invite Mitch to come wait inside with you, Harry steps out of the elevator and begins to walk down the hall. His key card is already in hand and your eyes widen. Harry’s expression mirrors yours when he realizes Mitch is standing outside of his door and that you are standing with him. “Mitch!” Harry says, placing his hand on Mitch’s shoulder and sliding his key card into his back pocket with the other. Mitch turns to Harry without seeing him put away the other key card and you look at the pair of them.

“I was just telling Mitch how you gave me your key card so we could talk about...that thing.” You interject, flicking the lights on in Harry’s room as casually as possible. Harry shoots you a look about how you couldn’t come up with an actual reason for being there. You shrug your shoulders helplessly.

Mitch looks between the two of you and feels some weird tension and he’s not sure if it's always there and he’s just noticing or if something is going on right now.

“Yeah, well, I came to stop by to talk about the riff in Canyon Moon. Something is wonky with it.”

“Oh! Sure,” Harry nods to Mitch and then glances at you, “Y/N, we can talk about that other thing later. It’s not that important anyway.” His tone is so casual and nonchalant. You stare at him, thinking he can’t be serious. You had been almost sure he would send Mitch away, but instead you were being kicked to the curb. When he doesn’t say sike or anything of the sort, you nod. “Okay,” then you mumble a ‘good luck’ with figuring out the problem with the song. Mitch walks in the door, but Harry’s eyes stay fixed on your figure retreating down the hallway. He watches you disappear and is only pulled from his thoughts when Mitch calls his name from the couch in the room.

After reaching your floor, you key into your room and get ready for bed. Just as you’re about to drift off to sleep, completely alone for once in a long time, there’s another knock. This time you check the peephole, a habit you realized you were going to have to get better at. It’s Harry. You open the door and walk away immediately once he’s entered the room.

“Why are you here?”

“Thought we could still...” He follows you into the room, trying to make out your face in the darkness.

“I’m not in the mood anymore.” Your tone gives away your annoyance. You couldn’t hide that you were mad at Harry for sending you away. It made you feel weird. The way he did it so easily made you feel like you were extremely disposable and unwanted.

“I’m sorry,” he sighs as he lays down beside you. You turn to face him when he places a hand on the small of your back. You’re face to face and your noses are almost brushing. It’s not really possible to see each other’s features, but after months of hooking up you knew each other’s faces pretty well. You could reach out and pinpoint all of Harry’s freckles and moles on his face and neck right now and be correct. He could likely do the same. The theory is proven correct when he reaches out and his hand dances down your cheek. “Just thought it would be less suspicious if I didn’t get rid of him. Couldn’t make him wait either…”

“I know,” your voice is small and soft, just above a whisper, “I forgive you.” You scoot closer to him and Harry instinctively wraps his arm around you, bringing you tightly into him. You sigh into his neck and he shivers at your warm breath on his slightly clammy skin. When you lick your lips, they brush lightly against his skin. He laughs at the feeling, so you decide to press an intentional kiss to the hollow in his neck. In response, he presses a kiss to your hairline, his lips slightly chapped after the concert.

The kisses are tender, filled with that thing neither of you dare attribute to anything the two of you did in the dark. The word you told him time and time again to not call you. So is just about every touch and word that has been exchanged in this room since Harry entered it. You fall asleep wrapped up in his arms, a soft smile resting on both of your faces. Neither of you seem to mind that you didn’t actually have sex tonight or anything even close to it.

-

When you wake up you feel especially well rested. You shift around and realize your bed is empty besides you. It depended on the day, but it was always a toss up between Harry being there when you woke up or not. However, lately, you had found it was usually the former. You would linger longer and so would Harry in each other’s rooms, lounging in each other’s embrace under the soft glow of the morning light peaking through whatever windows the room had. Today you were cold at his absence. Then you look up and realize you aren’t completely alone. Harry is standing at the end of your bed, staring down at his phone, smiling.

“Hey.”

You wait for his reply, but he doesn’t look up from his phone. “Hey, Harold,” you repeat. His head snaps up, a grimace on his face at the name. He slips his phone in his pocket and ruffles his hair. “Hey.” He finally responds. “I’m gonna head out.”

“Okay.”

Neither of you seem to find it necessary to talk about what happened last night. Harry definitely seemed a little off to you this morning, but you try to shake it from your thoughts. There was no reason to be upset with him being quiet. He didn’t owe you anything, you hadn’t even slept together last night, so if anything it was weird he stayed as long as he did.

It was the second night at the Forum in Los Angeles. This means no travelling necessary. No day off either, tomorrow you’d have a day off before the third and final show at the venue though.

Harry and you were talking normally at the venue, mostly about the setlist - him and Mitch had changed something for whatever reason last night, which was fine. Your banter was to a minimum, but you were trying to convince yourself that nothing was off. Even though it felt like something was different, you couldn’t place your finger on what it was, so you thought it was best to ignore it.

When Harry is about to go out on stage, you don’t pull him aside and when he introduces the members of the band to the audience, he doesn’t say anything fun or silly about you. He doesn’t wink or come up to you at any point in the performance. It’s so unusual the rest of your bandmates are giving you funny looks. Charlotte looks at you from across your keyboard in a way that she’s asking if you’re okay. You shake your head at everyone trying to signal that you’re fine.

Mitch goes over to Harry and whispers in his ear to check in with him, Harry looks at him with a bright smile on his face and says “of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Mitch looks between the pair of you, thinking back to last night and how weird the pair of you were being then. Maybe it dawns on him then what might be going on between the two of you, but if he did, he wouldn’t mention it for a long time.

You falter a bit on your back up vocals tonight. You’re trying to give it your all, like always, but for some reason your voice isn’t sounding the way you want it. About halfway through the show, when your voice comes out the exact opposite of how you would like, Harry finally gives you a second glance. His face practically emotionless, save for the single arched brow. He’s concerned, but not concerned enough where he would go over to you. He just doesn’t understand why you keep missing the right note tonight. You make a shake of your hand to say I don’t know either. He just shrugs and turns back around to continue the show, his lively smile returning while he turns his head.

After the show, Charlotte, Sarah, and you are all checking in, going over what had happened during the show in general. They’re both worried about your voice and you’re simply trying to tell them that it was just an off night. Nothing was wrong. As long as you told everyone else that, then it might turn out to be true.

“It’s fine, maybe I didn’t get enough sleep last night,” you fib, having gotten more sleep last night than most other nights on this tour. They both nod, seeming to take that as a reasonable answer.

Then Charlotte gets quieter as she whispers to the three of you, “Did you guys notice anything weird with Harry? He was super lively, but he barely interacted with you, Y/N, which is so unlike him...”

Sarah nods while you look skeptically on. Sarah adds, “He kept looking up to the boxes, too. More than usual at least. I don’t know though…” She trails off and you cross your arms over your chest, not really enjoying the conversation topic. “I mean, what do you think, Y/N?” Sarah adds.

Your eyes dance between the two women, your fellow bandmates, your friends. You sometimes wished you could share with them what you were doing with Harry. The secret was fun, but it’s also nice to be able to share with your girlfriends about the guy you’re seeing, even if it is a casual thing. The friendly gossip of it all is something fun to share, but sadly that was another thing you couldn’t do. You sigh, “You never really know what’s going on in his mind, y’know. He’s just Harry.” Your response is half-assed at best. You figure they’ll both give you shit for the non-answer you just supplied, but instead someone else speaks for them.

“I am in fact, just Harry.” He says and you swivel around to find yourself almost chest to chest with him. Charlotte laughs while Sarah simply smiles. Your eyes are huge as you stare up at him and you hope your blush doesn’t come out too strongly after being caught talking about Harry by himself. “Enlighten me on when I was being ‘just Harry’ though?” You bite your lip and take a step back from him, forming more of a line with the other women. He shrugs when no one offers a response, laughing lightly.

“Oh and Y/N, I can’t talk about that thing again tonight, I’ve got-”

“A date?” Charlotte asks, trying to understand why Harry was acting a little different tonight still. The part that Sarah had mentioned about him looking up into the boxes had given her the idea that he might have plans with someone after the show. Harry scratches his head, his hair slightly wet with sweat right after the show. He’s taken off his coat so he’s just in the almost completely unbuttoned, sweat soaked shirt he had been wearing underneath. It sticks tight to his skin and you can make out all the muscle lines that hide beneath the fabric that you usually get to caress. Your eyes flit from his body back to his face when he speaks again.

“Erm, I wasn’t going to phrase it like that...but yes, I suppose, it’s a date.” He says finally, he avoids your eye contact and you look at him very confused, trying to hide the hurt. He shoves his hands in his pockets trying to look and sound as casual as possible and ignore the strain he sees on your face. Is that what had held him up yesterday? Making plans with someone else? And he hadn’t told you until now? The past twenty four hours stung a little bit more now that you knew why Harry was being so distant. It simply felt icky finding out this way and it didn’t even seem like he was going to tell you it was a date.

“Okay,” you say simply and walk away. You hear Charlotte asking him details about his date, but you try actively not to hear any of it. Sarah watches you walk away and sees the way you wrap your arms around yourself to comfort you. She feels a twinge of sadness as she watches the scene unfold, seeing something she hadn’t realized was there before.

Harry doesn’t text or call you that night. You hang out with everyone else for a little while in Charlotte’s room before heading to bed, saying you think you need an early night tonight. Before you’re able to walk out of the door, Mitch stops you. “I heard Harry blew off whatever conversation the two of you have been trying to have again. Just wanted to tell you I’m sorry.” You try to smile but it comes out as more of a grimace. There is no conversation Harry is blowing off, it’s simply you. “It’s fine. Like he said yesterday, it’s not important.” Mitch nods, but still looks at you with concern. What he had seen last night, then on stage today, and what Sarah had told him about your interaction after the show it all strung together in his mind. It didn’t seem unimportant at all. But he didn’t know how he could tell you that. He felt like he should talk to Harry about the way you looked when you left Charlotte’s room tonight, but he didn’t know how to bring it up to him either.

You don’t realize you’re crying until you're in the elevator, and it’s slowly rising to your floor of the hotel. You’re only one level up, but it feels like an eternity in there. You already weren’t a fan of elevators, but this ride felt impossibly worse. The walls are all made up of mirrors and you see yourself in the reflection, but you don’t exactly recognize the girl in there. Your eyes are tired from the show, dark circles already formed. Your hands are aching, clenching and unclenching on their own accord. Your body is slumped against the back wall, likely leaving a slight imprint from the smoke residue and dust on your clothes. Worst of all are the tears running down your face, smudging at your makeup, the black mascara you had applied dripping down in sinister raindrops against your skin. The sad girl stares back at you as you sniffle slightly, confused at what you’re seeing. “Why are you crying?” you ask yourself, your voice creaking and then breaking at the end as you struggle to get out the word ‘crying’ before a sob wracks through you. You roll your eyes when your reflection offers no explanation for itself. You laugh at your own patheticness and try to shake the feelings you’re experiencing.

Inside your room now, you flop on the bed and stare straight up at the ceiling. Your arms spread to your sides and your legs lay limply below you. You think about every night before last, every night since the tour started. Every night where you weren’t alone, where you were with Harry. Your mind flits to last night, how Harry’s lips had ghosted over your skin after his apology. How you had told him you forgave him and it had felt so peaceful, so simple. It was all so easy. Thinking about him and the things the two of you did together brought a smile to your face, unbeknownst to you. When you realize it’s there, your face drops immediately, deciding not to think about Harry.

But trying to not think about Harry makes you only think about him more and what you think about him now most definitely doesn’t bring a smile to your face. You’re thinking about him out on his date with some person you chose to learn nothing about. Maybe out of fear of what is happening right now. By knowing nothing about the person, you can’t compare yourself to them. Can’t see what’s different about them that would make Harry go out on a date with them. But it doesn’t matter who they are or what they look like because at the end of it all you know one thing for certain. They’re not you. You correct yourself, you know two things actually, because you also know that Harry chose to be with them instead of you tonight.

You fall asleep with tear stained cheeks that night and absolutely nothing positive on your mind. You want to sleep but know it only brings whatever is bound to happen tomorrow, which doesn’t seem very promising.

-

It’s noon when you wake up and you wake to a knocking on your door. You grumble and throw a sweatshirt over your body to hide the underwear you slept in. Not remembering your new habit, you swing the door open without any hesitation to find Harry. He looks wide awake and happy, the way he almost always looks, a fresh beautiful flower of a man. You look at him groggily, “What are you doing here?”

“You weren’t answering your phone.”

“Because I was asleep?” You tilt your head and look at him incredulously. “What about this,” you gesture to your appearance, “looks like I just went for a 3 mile jog for fun and I love the morning?”

“Can I come in?” He ignores everything you just said and enters the room when you leave the door to get back in bed. You often did that with him, you don’t know why, but when he asked to come in the room it was just simpler to let him in then say anything. He knew what you meant.

He sits at the edge of the bed as you reclaim your spot in the middle of it, tucked slightly under the covers, but still sitting up. “How was your date?” You try to sound nonchalant and it seems to work. Harry doesn’t notice your tense figure, but you notice how he tenses up when you ask.

“Good…Her name was-” You don’t let him finish, you already know the answer to this next question and you don’t need her name in order to ask it, “Did you fuck her?”

He’s silent, green eyes staring straight at you. You meet his gaze, your eyes almost burning holes into him. His eyes are begging you to not make him answer the question, he doesn’t want this to end, even if he also didn’t want the commitment he had felt himself exhibiting the other night.

When he had come to your room the other night after Mitch had almost caught you, he knew he shouldn’t have stayed. He didn’t want you to feel bad so he had come to apologize, but when the pair of you didn’t have sex, he should have left. But he didn’t, he stayed and it wasn’t for you, it was for himself. It was for him to hold you in his arms because he liked to. But when he woke up the next morning he knew he needed to leave. Solely cuddling wasn’t part of your arrangement together. It’s probably on the list of don'ts that the pair of you had. So after he realized the line he had willingly crossed with you, he quickly sent a text to Jeff who had tried to set him up with a model they were acquaintances with the night before - the reason he had gotten held up. Harry had initially declined, not very interested in seeing anyone else but you. But looking back on that choice in the light of day seemed to solidify what this relationship was - a relationship - and Harry didn’t like that. The commitment wasn’t part of the plan, so he told Jeff to set that date up for after the second show at the Forum and give the woman a ticket. That’s why he was smiling at his phone the morning after only cuddling with you, that’s why he didn’t joke around with you during the show, and that’s why he wasn’t in your bed last night.

You watch him expectantly, silently waiting for his answer, your veins cold as ice. He finally starts his answer and he wants to make it clear that it wasn’t as good with the other woman, but he’s not sure how to work that part in. He’s not sure how to explain to you it meant nothing if your arrangement also apparently meant nothing. You barely even let him get in a sentence. “Yes, but it was just a one time-”

“Alright.”

“What?” He doesn’t understand what you mean when you nod your head and cut him off.

“I told you at the beginning, Harry. Tell me when you sleep with someone else because when you do this is over. It doesn’t matter if she’s the love of your life or a one night stand. I will not be a backup plan, so if you’re able to find other people to sleep with, you don’t need to be sleeping with me.”

He sits in silence for a moment, his jaw dropped open slightly. He’s unable to keep it shut as his mind races about what to say. “Are you mad with me?”

“No, I’m fine. This was just sex. Charlotte will be happy that I’ll be going out with her more.”

Harry’s brow furrows as you shift away from him on the bed, grabbing your phone and beginning to flick through it. You feel numb and you’d like to not think about why.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks because he does care about you, worry is written all over his face. He just can’t commit, not now.

“What would I be mad about, Harry?” You look up and your eyes widen at him, silently asking him to truthfully say why you should be so upset about this revelation. You always knew it would eventually come to an end, you just hadn’t expected so soon. You hadn’t known the last time would be the last time and it broke your heart even if you knew it shouldn’t.

He shifts to reach his hand out to touch your exposed knee. You move away from him and he sighs, looking exasperated. “I- I don’t know. It just seems like we should talk about this.”

“You didn’t even think it was necessary to tell me you were going on a date last night, so I think it’s best if we just left it at ‘it’s fine, see you around’.”

He spreads his hands out across the sheets, examining his rings and painted nails thoroughly. You’re right, he doesn’t really want to talk about this. Well, more so, he’s conflicted. He would like to talk enough that you want to continue your arrangement but he doesn’t want to talk about feelings or emotions. Even if he has those feelings and emotions, they’re just not part of the things he’d like to talk about. “But-” You set your phone down at his first word, “Were you even going to tell me you fucked someone else today if Charlotte hadn’t asked you if it was a date last night? Would you just have come to my room tonight and acted like nothing had changed?”

“I would have told you.”

“Sure.”

“I swear I would’ve. I would never break a promise to you.”

“But you would make a decision that affects the both of us without telling me until afterwards?” Your voice breaks a little and you beg yourself not to cry right now.

“I thought you said this was just sex?”

You laugh humorlessly, in disbelief, “Of course it’s not, Harry! And it hasn’t been for a long time and that’s why you got scared and went and fucked someone else.” He looks at you blankly, unsure what to say, knowing you’re right. You continue, “But I also told you at the beginning of this, that I wasn’t going to try to change you. So this is me not trying to change you.” You sigh when he still says nothing, his expression completely unreadable, even to you. “Why couldn’t you have left it at ‘it’s fine’?” You say finally, barely above a whisper.

He blinks a few times after your final question. He flexes his hand one more time and then stands up from the bed. He adjusts his clothes and stares at you. You feel helpless, but you’re still trying to look pulled together, even after your outburst. You stare back. A thousand words floating through your heads, all the things you want to say and likely never will.

“I know, I’m…” he pauses, trying to get himself to say it, but he can’t. He can’t admit that he’s completely ruined whatever messed up paradise you had created together. “I’ll see you later.”

The apology or lack there of hangs in the air as he walks silently out your door. You don’t move, you barely even blink, still staring at the spot he had just occupied. Your breath finally escapes you, a large sigh. Then some nervous laughter. It was over...just like that. But things like this, left like this are never really over.

-

It’s awkward for a good amount of the rest of the tour. You hang out with your bandmates more and Harry rarely ever comes out with them after the shows. He either hangs out with Mitch on his own or is going out with random people he knows on the road. You and him speak, but it’s never a lot or about anything relatively meaningful. It’s not the fun back and forth of before or the fiery heat of sneaking around. You try to be normal with him, act like his casual friend and bandmate.

He does his best to do the same, but it’s difficult for him. He doesn’t know how to talk to you anymore. He misses being with you, but can’t bring himself to fix it. He doesn’t do much to right his wrongs with you. He also doesn’t even know what he would want if he did apologize. It scared him to think about the step that came after ‘sorry’ so he saved himself the trouble and never did that part either. One night he texts you: “I’m trying, it’s just hard.” and that’s it. You don’t give him a response, he doesn’t need one. You know he’s trying and he knows you know.

Near the end of the tour, he comes out with the rest of you for drinks one night. Only Mitch is between the two of you in the booth, so you feel closer to Harry than you’ve felt in a long time. The group of you are chatting and having a good time. You somehow get onto a story from when you were still in college. You explain how you had narrowly avoided getting Chlamydia right before your Christmas break junior year. You act out the conversations you imagined would have happened at all your Christmas events if you had indeed gotten it. Your impressions of your mother, father, and sister have everyone laughing the most. Harry is shaking with laughter from your story and you smile at him in appreciation when he says, “That is the funniest story I’ve heard in a long fucking time.”

The rest of the night goes really well, for the most part. No one bickers or is short with each other. Everyone is laughing and drinks are flowing. Eventually Mitch gets up to go to the bathroom and you feel Harry slide back into the booth closer to you after letting Mitch out. Your hand had taken up residence next to your thigh, resting on the vinyl of the booth. You sense something next to it now and notice Harry’s hand is resting close beside it. He shifts his hand closer when he sees that you’re looking down at it. He’s almost touching you and you look up to his eyes, wondering if he’ll close the distance. He makes an imperceptible shake of his head, but you know what he means. As you’re about to shift your hand so that your pinky connects with his, Mitch returns and your head shoots up to his figure. You instantly remove your hand from the vinyl and shift closer to Charlotte. Harry gets up, but doesn’t sit back down once Mitch is settled. He instead walks off to get another drink, risking one last look at the table where he makes eye contact with you, but he doesn’t come back. Mitch informs everyone that Harry went back to the hotel because “he was tired” after Harry doesn’t return and Mitch gets a text. You roll your eyes, sure that you saw him slip out of the side door with a woman he found at the bar after he had gotten his drink. If that’s what ‘tired’ looked like on Harry, it was fine.

You start to speak to Harry on a more regular basis after that night out. It’s not funny or lighthearted. It’s just ‘I saw this song the other day, thought you might like to listen’. It went back and forth, it wasn’t everyday but it was something. The last text between the two of you before you began sharing songs again was his ‘I’m trying it’s just hard’ text that he had sent randomly one night. Then after one of you would listen, you would see each other at sound check and mention the song and what you thought about it. It can be noted that it was Harry who sent the first song.

For Harryween, Adam couldn’t be there. He has some family emergency the day of and doesn’t come with the rest of you to Madison Square Garden or the hotel you were staying at. Thankfully, Charlotte also plays keys and you can play bass. The band had to shift around some things on stage and make minimal changes to the setlist since you weren’t rehearsed on the covers Harry was doing. You spent the whole day running through the chords of those songs with Mitch, trying to memorize them so you didn’t mess it up during the show.

It was weird because for Harryween the setlist was switched up a little from the regular set for Love On Tour. Harry was playing the entire new album as well as half of the first album, Medicine, some of his other unreleased stuff, and about six covers, including old One Direction songs. It was going to be a long show and a challenge for you.

Before the show, Harry pulls you aside, to a dark corner backstage, and your mind flits back to the last time you had been in this type of position. The last time he had called you ‘love’, the last time you bit his earlobe - which always drove him crazy, the last time he ground his hips against yours, those and more and you had no idea that it was the last. By then you had already had sex with Harry for the last time, kissed his lips for the last time. It made your heart race to be so close to him and so alone once again. But it’s nowhere near the same as it once was. You shake the memories from your mind and look up expectantly at him.

“Have you got this?” He asks seriously, tone concerned. Of course it’s a music question, nothing more. Like it always was now.

“Yeah, of course.” His stare is unwavering and you try not to falter from it.

“I can get someone else to cover tomorrow, it was just such a short notice today. You know bass really well too, it made sense.”

“I’ve got this. Seriously, don’t worry, Harold.” You pat his chest lightly and for once Harry smiles at the sound of your nickname for him. You had stopped using it after the end of your arrangement. It never felt right to use when you were talking about music, and that was about the only time you had been talking. In this moment though, it felt right. His warm, large hands held your upper arms as you stared up into his big eyes. You missed staring into them, the shimmering emerald of his irises were constantly intriguing. You instinctively reach up to move back a curl that has fallen onto his forehead. He doesn’t shy away from your touch and continues to smile down at you.

“Y’haven’t called me that in forever.” He grins, his lips a shiny pink from the lip balm he had on.

“No, I suppose I haven’t. But where was the groan? The whole point is to annoy you.” You smile coyly. He tips his head back and laughs, releasing your arms from his grasp as he laughs wholeheartedly.

Then he does a soft groan, a playful sound, “How was that?”

“Eh. I’ll give you a four out of ten. Not enough emotion behind it.” You slide from the area the two of you have been occupying and make your way onto the stage to start dealing with the bass you would be playing. You hear Harry call out to you, “I think I deserve at least a five, maybe even a six!” You turn back for a second to look at him with an unimpressed expression and shake your head no. He laughs again and you hear him even when you walk out onto the stage. You smile to yourself as you pick up the bass.

When he introduces the band, he waits to talk about you last. “And sadly this evening Mr. Adam Prentergest, our usual fabulous bassist, was unable to attend our fancy dress party! However! Our lovely Y/N L/N is also a superb bassist and was kind enough to step into his place. - Anything to add?” He saunters across the stage to you and you laugh kindly, feeling at ease in this part of the stage even though you were usually on the opposite side and further back from the crowd. You nod at Harry and he leans his portable mic towards your lips. You wet them quickly and eye Harry before turning out to the crowd. “Just please go easy on me if the bass sounds a bit wonky. It wasn’t on the job description that I’d be playing songs I didn’t know, with a few hours notice, on not my main instrument.” You say this in a kind of list format, holding up your fingers as you tick off all the ways that this was out of your comfort zone. You scratch your head dramatically after you’re finished and the whole crowd laughs and cheers. The rest of your bandmates chuckle along and Harry nods and smiles at you.

“You’ll do great, love.” He leans into your ear and says without the microphone. Then he winks and turns to go back to the center of the stage. You press your lips together to contain your smile, both happy and concerned about the flip your stomach just did.  

The show is going great. Harry is killing it with the crowd. Everything is electric. You’re entirely focussed on your bass playing, but Harry has been coming over every so often to do something fun or have you tell a joke.

“She’s truly the funniest person I know! And I know a fair amount of people I think.” Harry says as he walks over to you have you tell another joke. Mitch has been looking at you and Harry interacting all night and he’s sure that it isn’t your different position that has him coming over and talking to you so much tonight. Something has definitely changed once again. First the pair of you were always together and having fun, then it was silence and stolen glances that neither of you realized you were taking, now it was back to the beginning.

“That’s because you think puns are part of the top tier levels of comedy.” You say easily, “Here, I can guarantee Harry will love this and the rest of you will likely groan.” Then you stop and act as if you’re thinking for a little, everyone’s waiting expectantly. “Sorry, thinking...Well, I’ve got some skeleton puns I could do, they’re very humerus or y’know classic vampire ones..eh but those ones kind of suck. What do you think, Harry?” You look out at the crowd, face deadpan, as Harry laughs beside you. You roll your eyes playfully and push him back to the center of the stage. Leaning into your own mic now, you say, “I told you.” That’s when everyone laughs. Harry throws another look at you over his shoulder and laughs a little more, his smile wide and eyes bright.

A little over half way through the night, it’s time for ‘to be so lonely’. You already knew the bass chords for it before today and you were confident in yourself by now. It wasn’t as hard a song so you were happy for the little break. This song allowed you to not be looking down at the notes you had stuck to the floor in front of you. Harry’s voice comes in after Mitch’s intro and you watch the way his lips move against his mic. You laugh a little as you watch the crowd yell the first “arrogant son of a bitch” line. You used to not particularly like when people did that, but after it had ended with Harry you had started to enjoy it a bit more. Having those people yell the words you couldn’t, but truly felt about him sometimes, was cathartic. Tonight you weren’t angry with him, but you enjoyed the energy in the room when everyone said it. We’ve all got our own ‘arrogant son of a bitch’ that we want to scream at sometimes. Tonight yours wasn’t Harry for the first time in a long time. The song moves along and Harry takes the microphone off its stand, he walks towards your side of the stage. When the lyrics get to:

“I miss the shape of your lips, your wit, it’s just a trick, this is it so I’m sorry”

Harry isn’t looking at the crowd, he’s looking straight at you. You don’t understand the way he’s looking at you. Or maybe you don’t want to understand it. This song, its lyrics, explains Harry really well. You saw the relationship you had with him in the words. Maybe not precisely, but a part of it was in it. Harry had unknowingly foretold your lives with his words. You know he has trouble connecting and committing, you know his issues, and you accept them. But you knew what had happened between the two of you was far more serious than meaningless sex and you knew Harry couldn’t bring himself to be that serious. He ran off and that was fine, but the face that he couldn’t even apologize hurt you the most. But the song lays it all out for you, he’s not one to be able to apologize quickly. The fact that he looks at you and means the apology he sings in the song for you, it’s a big step, but it’s not enough. The banter, the technical apology, it was all a good start, but it’s just that - the beginning. If Harry wants to make things better with you, a lot more needs to be discussed. So when you sing backing vocals for the following chorus you mean the words for Harry completely.

“Don’t call me baby again, you got your reasons, I know that you’re trying to be friends. I know you mean it, but don’t call me baby again it’s hard for me to go home and be so lonely”

His eyes flick to you again and see your lips moving around the words as you play the bass. He sees the emotion in your face and understands what you’re saying. It’s hard for you to go to your room at night and be alone while he’s out with someone else. It’s hard for him to act like everything’s all fine and perfect, back to normal, because for you it isn’t really. He can’t call you ‘love’ and tell the world you’re funny and expect it to be enough. He can’t sing his sorry that was initially for someone else to you and expect you to accept it. And he knows it, too.

After the show everyone decides they’re exhausted and need to rest before tomorrow. You all planned to celebrate the whole day and you knew it was going to be a wicked Halloween. Knowing this, you’re surprised with the knock on your door after about an hour of being back at the hotel. You’ve given up the habit you had once hoped to cultivate and swing the door open haplessly. Truly having no idea who to expect, you are still surprised to find the man standing before you.

“Mitch.”

“We need to talk.” He stares down at you, his shoulders slumped from tiredness.

“Come in,” you usher him in when you hear the urgency of his voice. He saunters in before you and you close the door. You move to the small couch in the room and sit down. Your hands gesture for him to sit as well, but he shakes his head. He stays standing and brings a hand up to smooth his hair back on the right side. His eyes staying on the floor and flickering up to you every so often.

“What is going on with you and Harry?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh come on Y/N. You’re seemingly best friends with him for a good portion of tour, then you’re barely on speaking terms for the second half, now you’re joking around again. What is going on?”

You sit there in a stunned silence, “I don’t know what to say.” Your arms go to hug your body, feeling anxious about being confronted about this topic.

“Were you seeing each other?” His voice is soft, eyes taking in your body language and knowing it’s a difficult topic.

“I wouldn’t put it like that…”

He holds back the ‘I knew it’ statement because of  how sullen you look, b..ut in his mind all of the pieces he had watched unfold came to fit in a perfect puzzle. He decides to sit beside you when you don’t say anything else.

“We were having sex,” it felt weird to say it out loud, no one but you and Harry had actually known, “But it ended. I don’t know what today was...but it felt different than how it’s been.”

“Why are you so sad if it was just sex?” He places a hand on your shoulder and your tear-filled eyes meet his. “Oh…” He knows why.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” You sob at his apology because he’s not the one who should be at your door apologizing. You sniffle and lean your head into his chest. He takes you into his arms and holds you as your cries become muffled sounds in his shirt.

You cry without words for a few minutes, Mitch coos some soothing words, his voice soft and kind. He was always a good shoulder to cry on for all of your bandmates, he was extremely strong and you made a mental note to thank him thoroughly when you actually were capable of forming coherent thoughts. “I’ve never told anyone before. It feels so weird even saying it out loud,” you say as you pull back from Mitch’s embrace. You're thankful his shirt is black, no tear stains can be made out.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks gently, gauging your reaction. You wipe at your eyes and nod.

Taking a deep breath, you decide to start from the beginning. “Do you remember the party Charlotte had a week before we left for tour?”

Mitch nods and his eyes widen at what you’re saying as he remembers the night. “It started back then?” He’s unable to contain his incredulous question. He had suspected something, but hadn’t thought it had been going on for that long. He was truly astounded. You nod, “Well sort of,” then you go on to recount the last couple of months. All the way up until the Forum shows. “That night, when I opened Harry’s door and it was you standing there...Harry and I didn’t have anything to discuss. It was just…” Mitch nods again. He hadn’t spoken much since you had gotten into the story, wanting to let you be in charge of what you were saying and believing he could probably ask questions at the end. “Then the next night he blew me off for his date with that model and I cried in the elevator because I knew what was going to happen next.”

“So that’s when it ended?” Mitch asks when you don’t speak for a rather extended period of time.

“Yeah, the next morning he came over and I asked if they had sex and he said yes so I told him it was over.”

“But I don’t get why he went out with that model. He had told me she wasn’t his type the night before…” Your eyes shot up and looked at Mitch. His eyes widened when he realized what he said.

“What?”

“When we were talking about Canyon Moon, he mentioned that Jeff had tried to set him up with some woman but he had declined. Said he wasn’t interested. I don’t get what changed between then and the next morning.” He figured it was best to put all the cards out on the table right now. You’d be going your separate ways for a while, now that the tour was over and he had seen how unhappy both you and Harry had been over the last part of the tour.

You shift your leg to have it folded beneath you as you continue to stare at Mitch. “He came over after you and him had your meeting,”  you say quietly. Mitch hums, waiting for you to continue this time.

“He apologized for choosing you over me to talk to. Then we slept together, but we didn’t have sex...I think that’s what wigged him. It had felt too real, sleeping in the same bed with me without having sex beforehand made it feel like something more than just two people fulfilling needs.” Mitch nods and sighs heavily. He looks around the room and then back to you, taking in your full appearance. Again he feels terrible for you, how he had felt the second night at the Forum even though he hadn’t known the full story yet. “Now we’re here.”

“Tonight, it felt like he was trying,” Mitch finally said and you smiled sweetly, thinking back to Harry’s behavior. No matter how far from him you were, all those good feelings you associated with him never went away.

“Yeah, it’s been getting better. He texted me once saying he was trying. Then he came out with us one night and it almost seemed like that would be the night he’d apologize, but then he didn’t. Then we started sharing music with each other again. Then tonight… was tonight. It’s just confusing. He’s confusing.”

Mitch smiles sadly and brings you in for another hug and you’re actually so thankful he

showed up at your door. It was your first time telling anyone all of this, because Harry didn’t even know how you felt about some of these things. It felt amazing to be heard and to be told it was okay to be feeling like this.

Pulling back, Mitch says, “He’s definitely different. But his differences are what make him special and that’s why I think he clings to them even if they sometimes can hurt other people. The fact that he’s trying is a good sign. I hope he can find it in himself to make it right between you two because I had never seen either of you happier than when you were apparently together. Especially those few weeks leading up to Los Angeles. Sarah had kept asking me why Harry was so smiley back then. When I had asked him, he had just said “have you ever found something and realized you wanted to keep it with you forever?” I had no idea what he had meant, but I feel like he meant you now.”

Your awestruck at what Mitch has just told you. He was right about the first part about Harry trying to change, but the last bit, that’s what had left you speechless. You turn your body to face the rest of the room and put your chin against your hand as you think.

“Mitch...I have to go.”

He understands what you mean and you walk out of the door with him. He walks down the hall to his room and you walk quickly past the elevator and opt for the stairs. Before you know it you’re running up the stairs, taking two at a time even though you’re not the most athletically inclined. You can’t stand to wait for the elevator and your mind is racing.

You knock on the door that is Harry’s after reaching his floor. It swings open and reveals a confused and sleepy Harry. Thankfully he’s still fully dressed because that would have been a whole other problem you would have if he hadn’t been. You push past him and walk straight into his room without any invitation. He follows behind you, still unsure of why you’ve come here.

“Have you ever found something and realized you want to keep it forever?” You ask him, repeating the words Mitch had just told you.

“Pardon?”

“You told Mitch that about me before we ended things. If that’s how you felt, why didn’t you do what you said?”

Harry sighs as the words register in his mind. The memory of when he had smiled at Mitch so giddily and asked the vague question, his thoughts only of you as he asked it. The shit-eating grin he had plastered on his face after Mitch had looked at him confusedly flitted across his mind. As well as the way he had gone to his dressing room and had a quickie with you after that conversation.

“It’s not that simple…”

“It is, Harry! Why can’t you just be honest with me for once?”

“Okay, fine. You want me to be honest?” you nod at his harsh tone. The two of you standing only a few feet apart. “You have no goddamn idea what you do to me, when I’m around you, I have no control of my emotions or of my thoughts. I pushed you away because I didn’t like feeling out of control. I got out because what had started as a fun time had turned into me longing to be with you every waking hour. I found myself not caring what we did as long as I got to hold you and be around you, but that wasn’t part of the plan.”

“Plans can change, Harry.”

You step closer to him and he meets your eyes. He had left his music playing softly on his phone before he had opened the door so now as the two of you stared at each other, he must have been playing his Etta James playlist because her voice faded out of the song “I’d Rather Go Blind” and straight into “A Sunday Kind of Love”. Harry had shared her At Last album with you over the Christmas holiday of last year and you had decided to listen to her entire discography afterwards, so you knew the songs. The transition was a little too on the nose and you wondered if Spotify ever listened to your conversations.

His emerald eyes examine your face and take inventory of your features, measuring whether anything had changed since he had looked at you this close up. Your hand goes up to cup his cheek and he nuzzles into it, dropping his head closer to you ever so slightly and closing his eyes at the feeling of you.

“I am sorry,” he whispers earnestly as he reopens his eyes.

You can’t take your eyes off of him even if you tried. He looks so soft in the moment, so vulnerable in this light as the music swells in the corner of the room. Etta sings about how she needs a love that is going to last as the pair of you inch yourselves closer together.

“I forgive you, Harry,” you whisper back.

He nudges his head further down and your lips finally press together, slotting back together after months apart. Your lips are eager to press back against their favorite companion. You oblige them, but pull back for a second, just far enough to say, “I will always forgive you, so long as you tell me when you’re scared so we can work through it together.”

He nods, “I promise to never let you go again.” Before taking you back against his lips and gathering your body up in his arms. His lips missing yours just as much.

-

[sorchasolas]

ADDING SOMETHING!!!! (Also assume for this Kaladin is post OB/Most of RoW power- almost at 4th ideal but not quite there)

(Warning: yap central)

It also,,,, depends on where they are fighting

Closed space, like small rooms and corridors? Kaladin is absolutely cooked. Bro only knows how to wield larger weapons with proficiency (I remember him mentioning he could throw knives but fuck i cant verify that so) so hes just. Served up on a platter.

In more open spaces, it depends even more. If they were hosting this in Luthadel, with taller buildings and all that metal on the buildings and Vin knows the landscape? Even with infinite stormlight, i dont know if Kaladin could win. Probably not! Vin likes utilizing the shadows and her environment for battle, and a place where theres both (assuming this is night because gosh that opens another can of worms) Kal’s probably a bit cooked!

If they hosted this in Rosher? Lets say, at Urithiru’s Oathgate platform? Honestly i would say Kaladin could mid difficulty. Lets not forget this fucker can FLY like full on fly. Roshar is so Stone Vin wouldnt have much to pull on etc etc and the open space gives Kaladin the chance to use his favorite little (big) spear.

So, lets say, for sake of argument, they are in a room the size of a football field, with the ceiling extending up,,, 50 feet. Plenty of room, dimly lit, and all the walls are a pullable metal. That’s where they fight. Vin has daggers and a Koloss sword (because i feel bad she only has daggers, though i fear that Koloss sword will Not Last Long) and Kaladin has Syl.

This would be, as I’d imagine it, an even toss up of who wins. Remember they dont know eachother, the specific mechanics of their powers, their inner thoughts and personal demons etc etc. Vin coild very easily reach up to him with the room being metal, but she doesnt have nearly as much control over her version of flying as he does (its been a hot minute since ive read mistborn, im definitely getting shit wrong ok) and Kaladin’s also Fucking Excellent at flying, so if she tried air combat she’d get cooked i think. Kaladin would probably be willing to give up flying upwards If Vin suggested it because he would feel bad (he doesnt like putting normal soldiers against Fused, he wouldnt wanna fight someone who doesnt fly while flying) (assuming this isnt like a they have a vendetta and are out for blood scenario) but i dont think Vin Would ask because Why Would She.

And, not to be biased, but i still think this battle would go Kaladin’s way. Vin?? Doesn’t have much real battle training. Bringing this up again because its VERY important. The only people she’s fought are people that had the exact same powers as her (she understands them and knows their limitations etc) were completely untrained (Koloss) or didn’t even really have noteworthy powers. Every other time shes fought someone outside of those criteria (which is not alot i fear) she got Packed Up really quickly. And let me add this.

Vin did not live in a time of war!! That is important. There was war after the Lord Ruler died, but 90% of the people who were adults during mistborn were not trained to the extent a full on soldier would be! Those other Mistborn? Trained for espionage and in the realm of battle only see it when facing other Mistborn, which, if i recall, they dont?? Kill eachother (i dont remember) all those guards she killed? Trained as guards, and also almost always taken by surprise. Trying to keep this short and failing but all in all, none of the people Vin fought have been trained for battle the way Kaladin has- and Alethi are like The Guys of War. Hes trained in (if i recall, this is just all the stuff hes like,,,, shown proficiency in in reference to his time in the army) hand to hand combat, grappling/wrestling, one on one battles, formations, general battle strategy, etc. And Vin has minimal training from like various thugs and Kelsier, who focused less on her battle knowledge and more on her role as Valette and her allomancy .

She is a great warrior in her world, where no one was really raised to be warriors, and where she had the Strongest Powers Around (even in terms of Mistborns)

Kaladin is known as a great warrior in his world, where many people are trained to kill and many of the Windrunners have reached his same ideal, and yet he’s still distinctive from them.

Basically, it’s really hard to take characters, even from the same universe, out of their context and try to pit them together. It creates a million and one “what ifs” that make no clear totally correct. They have different powers, power mechanisms, skill sets, world building, etc. i think realistically they would never fight and Kaladin would immediately adopt her as a little sister (Vin is 5’?? Kaladin is like?? 6’10 in earth measurements?? Holy shit??) and would never hurt her, but thats Just Me.

Kaladin vs. Vin who wins?

Yes this ask is months old

Yes im just seeing it

Yes im going to anwser

TL;DR: it depends on the situation, how much metal vs stormlight they have. But like, 80% chance Kaladin wins.

Longer explanation:

Again, it does depend. Stormlight is an all encompassing fuel, where all of his powers are fueled by one thing. Vin has all those other metals she has to take for different things

Obviously in no stormlight no metals hand-to-hand, or even spear vs dagger, Kaladin wins. I dont think i need to explain this.

If they both had infinite stormlight and infinite metal, with Vin having access to ALL metals, including god metals, i still do think Kaladin would win. Despite Atrium existing, even though could see what he was about to do, he can heal any attack she makes— and i dont think she would have the knowledge to strike him in the spine specifically. I think at some point she would be trapped in a blow she cannot deflect and it would go downhill from there, seeing as she cannot heal wounds.

Limited stormlight, limited metals with lets say 2~ minutes worth of Atrium, Vin wins. He’d spend all his stormlight healing the wounds Vin gives him with her Pewter(?) strength and daggers that he wouldnt have the ability to kill her fast enough for her Atrium to wear out

[iwadori]

hii i saw ur taking requests and I wanted to ask if you could do a fic with the miya twins,suna and iwa comforting their s/o after they have a dream of them cheating on her? tysm!

Cheating Misunderstandings with the haikyu boys (Osamu,Atsumu)

Word Count:1.8K

Genre:angst,fluff

masterlist

AN: This was kind of on the lines of what you wanted, but I hope you enjoy it. Also you guys will see an ‘Empress appearance’ in this work....so don’t kill me.

Osamu:

You were walking to miya onigiri ready to pick up Samu to go home

But when you got to the front door you see Osamu in the shop winding touching another girl

You couldn’t see the girl or Osamu properly because of the angle you were at

But you wouldn’t say your eyes were decieving you, so you did what you should do turn on your heel and get out of there.

You were back at your apartment and you were fuming, you were at your desk and decided that distracting yourself with your mountainous amount of paperwork that you had for your job would be better than sitting down and stewing over watching your boyfriend cheat on you.

‘How long has this been going on,’ you thought to yourself ‘Who even is she? She can’t be a worker’ since you knew everyone that worked there and the manager Empress would definitely not let a worker get with Osamu since you were besties after all.

Distracting yourself, obviously didn’t work and you sent yourself into a spiral of social stalking, trying to find this girl. Which didn’t work, as you only saw her hair and her height which was around a foot shorter than Osamu’s. ‘Stupid Osamu’ you thought, how could he do this? Why would you do this?

You wanted to cry, you were going to cry. Outside you heard a car door shut, and looking out your window you saw Osamu walking out the car with his keys in his mouth and bags (presumably food) in his hand.  

You heard some knocking, well kicking at your front door and a light shout of “Babe, can you open the door my arms our pretty full here.” You didn’t answer, you didn’t even move cause you knew if you saw his face it’ll most likely be him saying ‘Y/N im sorry, but theres someone else’ the thought alone made you cringe. You were knocked out of your thoughts with again the kicking of the door and Osamu saying with a laugh “C’mon babe all you really gonna leave a guy stranded out here, ive got your favourite too and its going to get cold”

You reluctantly opened the door, not actually greeting Osamu and just going back to your room to pack away your paper work and close your laptop. To your surprise Osamu was behind you and gave you a quick kiss to your cheek, which you would usually smile and ease into but today you cringed and quickly moved. Making Osamu look at you with a side eye.

By time he was setteled in you were sitting down at the dinner table eating, with the sound of Gordon Ramsey’s Hell Kitchen filling your awkward silence. Osamu did try to speak to you but you always just responded with “yeah,” “sure,” or “maybe.” Short simple answers that Osamu definitely didn’t like.

When dinner was over and it was the time when you two usually watched a shitty reality tv show together, you decided to go to bed early to avoid any more awkward conversation with Osamu. But before you could clamber into bed, Osamu grabs your arm saying “Y/N, what’s wrong with you?”

“What do you mean Samu?” you say with a forced smile on your face even though he couldn’t see it, you just did so he didn’t see you start to tear up “nothing’s wrong with me.”

“Are you Y/N?”

“mhm” you murmured trying to shrug off his hold, you sniffled a bit (attempting to do it quietly) but he heard it.

“No y/n, what’s wrong can’t you just turn around.” The force of you pulling away and he pulling you close, left you falling onto your bed and the tears just started to fall. Osamu immediately crouched down to your eye line “whats wrong love?” he said with a tender voice.

You shook your head in response, “what’s wrong?? Please tell me Y/N.”

“Why would you do that to me?” you say your voice breaking as the tears streamed your face. Osamu started to panick seeing you cry.

“Do what Y/N, what do you mean?”

“You cheated on me? Was I not enough for you? Don’t you love me anymore.”

“Who Y/N!Who.?”

“You touched her, I saw you. I can’t believe you would do that. In public as well” you accused “How could you do that to me.”

“Y/N, baby listen I don’t know what you mean?”

“Don’t call me that Miya, you’re such a fucking liar oh my god.”

“Can you please explain to me what you’re talking about?”

“You. In the shop. I saw you, touching her” you say scowling saying the last line as if It was poisonous.

“In the shop? What do you-” a spark flashed in Osamus eyes before he stood up and started pulling you out the room “You need to come with me.”

“Miya, what are you doing? I’m not going anywhere with you.” you groaned

“Yes you are, and stopped calling me that.”  

He dragged you outside to his car and opened the door for you, standing expectedly waiting for you to get in. “Im not getting in,” you say folding your arms

“Oh yes you are. Just get in the car.”

“But im in my roblox pyjamas” you groaned again feeling like a child.

“And you still hot babe don’t worry” he said winking at you ushering you into the car “Just get in it’ll be a quick ride anyways.”

You pulled outside of onigiri miya and Osamu begin to drag you out again taken you to the office where the security cameras are. He did something on the community and pulled up a date and time which was the time you were at the store earlier.

Playing on the screen was the recording and the incident which you saw before, but this one was a differnet angle. You saw a girl walking one way and Osamu walking the over with a drink in his hand, him spilling the drink on her and cleaning her off with a paper towel. Which you thought was him groping and touching her.

Your cheeks heated up hard in embarrasment, as you realised how you acted and how you got it all wrong. You saw Osamu with a glint in his eye and smirk on his face and before he could say anything you said “Dont. Let’s get back to the car.”  

All was forgotten on your car ride home and you decided to discuss eachothers days (skipping out the ‘cheating’ part.) However after you watched you shows and finally gotten into bed, when Osamu was holding you right against his chest (so close where you could hear his heartbeat) he said, “Y/N, although we agreed to not talk about this incident...even though I will definitely be telling Empress, I just want to let you know that I will never even think about cheating on you let alone actually doing it, I love you so much that the idea of cheating is so uncomprehendable I don’t even want to think about it.”

“Love you ‘Samu, and I'm sorry for making this into a big old thing when I could’ve just asked you about it.” you say in response

“It’s okay babe,” he said kissing your forehead “It’s okay.”

Atsumu

You and Atsumu have been dating fairly recently meeting in your through your friend Empress who was the manager at Atsumu’s brother Osamu’s shop Onigiri Miya.

You’ve only been together 6 months and you’re ready to tell him that you love him

However you being the perfectionist that you are, wanted it to be perfect so of course you had to practice on friend, Empress’ boyfriend Hajime.

“Okay so go.”

“Atsumu, I think you’re a stand-up guy and you’re pretty cute can I love ya.” you said punching Iwa on the arm.

“Y/N, you can’t say that.” Empress said face palming.

“Okay, Atsumu I’ve fallen for you and I can’t get up?”

“No dad jokes Y/N.” Hajime said shaking his head

“Why theyre soo funny, what about Atsumu you’re a pain in my ass.” you said winking at Empress.

“Gosh Y/N! Take this seriously for once.” Hajime said blushing at your obvious innuendo.

“Well how did you two confess you undying love to eachother?” you asked and smiled at both their reactions, knowing that they definitely haven’t done that.

“Just say your confession Y/N,” Empress said rolling her eyes

“Okay Atsumu,” you said taking a deep breath “Ever since I met you after your brother spilt a drink on me at his shop and you tried to cheer me up with your terrible jokes I knew that you were the one for me. I love your passion, your drive your determination to make me feel better all the time even when I don’t need you too. I love being with you and I...”

Hajime looked at you expectedly, “I love you,” you said smiling “There I said it I love you!”

“Oh my gosh Y/N! That was so cute you should definitely sa-”

“What the fuck Y/N!” exclaimed a voice next to you “You love this clown.”

“Who are you calling a clown,” said Iwa squaring up to Atsumu making both you and Empress roll your eyes at the heeping testoterone filling the area.  

“Haji let’s go,” said Empress dragging her boyfriend away “and Y/N I'm pretty sure you two need to talk.”

When Hajime and Empress were an ear shot away, Atsumu looked at you with a glare. “So Y/N, is this what you’re doing now slu-”

“Don’t even go there ‘tsumu, you’re such an ass sometimes.” You say walking away “And by the way I was practicing with Iwa to say I fucking love you, you asshole.”

You already stormed off before Atsumu yelled, “Wait! You love me?”

“Of course I do you ass.” you say scowling.

Atsumu jogs over to you and says, “I love you too Y/N” he picks you up and tosses you about in the air, practically doing sommersaults, “Im so happy! Wait till I tell Osamu bout this he’s probably hasn’t told his girlfriend about this.”

“Babe, they’ve been dating for years” You said with a laugh “But go ahead ‘tsumu tell the world.”

“I’m sorry for misunderstanding things.”

“And...?”

“And I'm sorry for calling Iwa a clown, knowing he would definitely beat my ass.”

“And..?”

“And I'm sorry for being an ass.” he said with his head down.

“You are an ass Atsumu,” you said with a smile “But you’re my favourite pain in the ass.” You said winking at him making him burst out with laughter at your stupid innuedo.

Whenever Atsumu sees Osamu he tells him about how much you both love eachother, which always leads them into an argument about who has the better girlfriend and who loves their girlfriend more which always has you laughing.

AN: do you guys see the connection between the two?? Cause if you see the connection I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER :3 Hope you guys enjoyed it, what do you guys think?

[rynzii-419]

I’ve been reading about this study on psychology and it talked about this thing, “positive sentiment override” vs “negative sentiment override” and so, of course, I connected it to apologist discourse.

Bit of warning; this is going to talk about Dream in a negative light, and I’m going to reference Tommy and Wilbur in a positive light. The point of this is to show why I think common interpretations of Wilbur and Dream are exaggerated, and I try to talk about Wil critically too even though normally thats a bit harder for me, which is actually related to the psychology thing I’m gonna talk about here. So yeah, please read this if apologist discourse something you’re interested in! I try to make this readable and unbiased as best as I can. (I say this but the point here is to talk about misconceptions and exaggerations about Wilbur and Dream, meaning I say why I think Dream isn’t as deserving of forgiveness as the fandom treats him and Wilbur isn’t as deserving of the hate he gets, but I really feel like this one isn’t biased.)

Alright, first I want to explain positive sentiment override (im gonna abbreviate it to “pso”). Pso is something I see used on Dream a lot, where people will see someone do something negative and think “oh well they probably had a reasonable explanation for that”.

Negative sentiment override (nso) is what I see used on Wilbur (like all the time). This is where someone will do something even positive and people will look on with skepticism and think “that was manipulation.” (ex. The reaction to every conversation he’s had with ranboo)

While its great to look for reasoning behind a character’s actions, and great to have skepticism about a darker character’s motives, its also taken too far in these cases very often.

Okay here’s where I get a little critical of Dream. The reason that I believe he isn’t very deserving of this “benefit of the doubt” he gets so often is because:

He isn’t apologetic for any of his actions. Now, we could go back and forth all day on whether his treatment of L’manburg was right or not, but we all know that his behavior with Tommy in exile was wrong. The thing is that Dream doesn’t agree. He even says in the prison when Tommy got trapped in there, “this is gonna be so much fun, just like exile” (paraphrasing, im sorry </3). When a character shows no remorse for actions that are inherently evil (like theres no getting around that Dream in exile was evil), it makes me feel as if they cant be treated as if they’re redeemable. Of course, he could be redeemed, but i can’t see that happening to him until he apologizes to Tommy and Tubbo and distances himself from them entirely. The problem is that i don’t see that happening at this point.

He showed signs of being a bad person/friend before exile. Again, I’m actually not even going to address L’manburg because that’s something that people disagree on often, so here I’d rather talk about Sapnap and Dream’s relationship and why I believe that was very unhealthy. After Dream’s speech about Spirit and how he doesn’t care about anything other than the discs (and its implied that he really meant tommy but thats besides the point), Sapnap instantly took that as meaning Dream didn’t care about him. Now some people hear that as “Sapnap is such a bad friend, he immediately assumed the worst out of Dream, how could be be so rude?” What i see that as is a sign that Dream probably wasn’t a very good friend himself. I also had a situation similar to this, where i had a friend who was really trashy (but i didn’t realize at the time) and I was always scared that they would ditch me. A lot like Sapnap, I would ask “do you think they’ll leave me?” then go back and say “haha, no, thats irrational, isnt it”. The problem is, those kinds of fears often aren’t based off of nothing. They come from an understanding of how that friend treats others, and the fear that they feel the same way for you. I think Sapnap saw how Dream treated others and didnt care much for his relationships and that made him scared for his own friendship, and rightfully so, as we saw later.

Dream was unapologetically manipulative and abusive continuously. A few spur of the moment actions would be an unhealthy mental state, but continued and premeditated abuse without remorse is a… really bad sign.

WILBUR TIME!! At long last aha. Now, this is where i speak POSITIVELY about Wilbur. I’ll throw in some crit dont worry <3. So here’s why I dont believe that Wilbur is deserving of the amount of hate he gets:

Wilbur has shown at least an attempt to apologize to people, which goes against his usual mentality. He’s a very prideful character, and he hasn’t apologized much in the past i believe. While he’s nowhere near better mentally than he was on Nov 16, he’s shown that he’s trying.

While he has manipulated people since his revival, it’s all been spur of the moment reactions. No continuous decisions, like I mentioned with Dream. Its likely that they come from his delusions/paranoia (which he still suffers from, isolation does not heal mental illness).

I believe that the times that we see him being most genuine are when he’s with Ranboo, since Ranboo is a nonjudgmental person who Wilbur has related to and feels is a blank slate for him to talk to. We’ve heard him open up about his motives a lot, such as feeling as if everyone is scared of him. That’s further pushed by the fact that cc!Wilbur confirmed that when he said that Quackity is the only one that makes him feel human since he’s not scared to question Wilbur.

I think this is the big one: Wilbur recognizes that he was in the wrong in Pogtopia. He sees that he hurt Tommy and regrets it, which I think is really important to remember. Simple as that. He said he sees Tommy look at him with the same eyes as he did in Pogtopia, which makes me believe he would want to be better. I would talk about what i believe Wilbur’s motives throughout Pogtopia was here but I think that’s a post for another dayz

Alright uh thats it i think, sorry this was so long i was just havin a lotta thoughts about it, ya know? This is open to discussion i think, i just really enjoyed writing this out :D

[shoezuki]

ok so like i been Thinkin a lot on that stream techno had today and i may be Thinkin Too Much cuz i was doing psychology while watching but im going to say Words Now

the entire idea and Plot of tommy going from only interacting/being manipulated by dream to only interacting with techno is a Lot. theres a lot here. and i am feasting like a fucking king on the potential of it and what this could all Mean

I think we’re building up the idea of how techno and dream differ and how they house both similarities and extreme differences in their ideals. 

So if we considered how Tommy’s arcs have changed theres a very, VERY clear juxtaposition between the exile arc to.... raccoon arc? whatever the fuck is goin on

Tommy Was manipulated, isolated, and gaslit by dream. that was the only guy he really had interacted with and that was Intentional entirely. Its very obvious this will have and currently has an affect on tommy. 

Now, he’s with technoblade. theres a lot of shit that can be read in this simply as considered right now. I feel we’re clearly supposed to at least somehow compare dream and technoblade because their positions are somewhat similar concerning how they are interacting with tommy. 

Tommy can only really interact with techno, only techno really has the ability to see him (although ranboo, ghostbur, and phil could see him but theres obvious difficulties in their case), and how tommy regards technoblade is.... complicated. like how he regards dream at the moment.

but theres some really, really important and clear differences in this that i think will show a lot about techno’s character and what’s to come

first of all, there’s a question of why techno is seemingly ‘letting’ tommy live with him. No joke, i’ve discussed this a LOT in the technocord and it’s made me realize it from a different perspective since many of those people in there are from Before techno joined the smp.

so, there’s no clear ‘rational’ reason why techno would benefit from teaming with tommy. there’s some arguments that could be made; tommy’s position with people and especially tubbo, using tommy as a bargaining chip with dream, and something else i cant remember. but the technocord hardcore ppl feel tommy is a liability in the long term. techno doesn’t really have much to gain beyond a distraction. the idea of using tommy in order to convince him he’s getting the disks and then to destroy lmanberg is kinda.... its jus more trouble to techno. In fact, it wouldve been defendable for techno to kick him out; he stole his stuff, and we saw how he reacted to his cows being killed, his previous base being pillaged. You’d have thought techno wouldve been angrier.

but like. that aside. there’s little reason for techno to open up to tommy. and thats the point.

there’s no necessity on techno’s part. he doesnt need tommy. he could kick him out easily. but he won’t. 

I imagine technoblade sees the trauma and hardship tommy went through and he sympathizes with him. Its been made clear that techno doesnt know the full extent of what happened, but he doesnt need to. he knows enough. 

Now, back to the happenings of the last stream,

it wasnt plot heavy at all. (mostly because techno’s fuckign glasses are held together with SCOTCH TAPE the guy couldnt even fucking use ducttape i hate that) but there were a Few interesting things, including the Plot Stream a bit;

the ‘box’ techno made with the idea of hiding tommy from dream. (perhaps a joke but it still shows something i feel)

how he’s been giving tommy a Lot of stuff. he hasnt Genuinely been upset at his golden apples being taken; in fact, techno gave him more food in protest of him eating all the gapples instead of.... demanding them back

went mining in the nether with the intention of getting tommy better stuff

he replaced the log he accidentally stripped. extremely funny considering he got the wrong type of wood but he tried

expending more resources on tommy with invisibility potions so that he wasnt in danger of being seen

Repeatedly would assure tommy that dream Is Not His Friend.

at the idea of tommy being ‘banned’ from the nether and being attacked in lmanberg, techno laughed at the idea of him being ‘attacked’ and killed even when tommy worried that he’d die for the Last Time

implicated that techno WOULD defend him. and the idea of someone killing Either him or tommy was funny because of that

okay so slight comparison to dream; techno is instead GIVING tommy resources instead of blowing them up, he’s obviously intent on protecting him in some way, and he assures tommy that dream is No Good (rather than how dream was telling tommy no one cared about him)

But there’s one instance that was really, really important to me

the control room had a very bad impact on tommy. most likely a panic attack (the shaking, heavy breathing, scattered speech/thought is something i know so intimately lmao) and techno’s reaction to it was extremely interesting. 

first, techno said he was ‘freaking out for no reason’ which could be a) techno is horrific at emotions and vulnerability lmao and b) to Him, it Is nothing. he has no clue what tommy had been through. 

He repeatedly asked what was wrong. what had happened in that room. He pressed Slightly. but as soon as tommy said he didnt want to talk about that, techno instantly backed off and said its alright. specifically, he said:

“It’s fine, no one recovers in a day tommy. Healing is a long process, it’s fine.”

that shit hit me like a freight train. Mostly i didnt expect anything to come from this stream like that but FUCK LMAO.

The biggest thing is, i think technoblade is going to help tommy heal from the dream shit and get back on his feet. 

but also, even though im not entirely sure i need to see more, tommy will get techno to be more caring. We know philza is the only one techno is really close to, and ghostbur as well. both of which either weren’t involved in betraying techno, or doesnt remember it. i see it pointed out that techno is going at tubbo and his government rather than dream, but i think it makes sense. 

dream technically hasnt challenged techno’s ideals or what he wants; while tubbo stole from him, used him as a weapon, and reinstated a government despite everything techno was saying. 

Tommy took part in betraying him, thats without a doubt. but tommy was also screwed over by the government in place. so techno empathizes with him. maybe they dont fully trust each other, but thats a work in progress. and it will progress to technoblade trusting tommy despite their past, and realizing that dream is in a position of power over Everyone. 

tl:dr: tommy is going to heal with techno’s help and full come to terms with/realize what dream did to him, and techno is going to realize he CAN trust people and that dream has been the one pulling the strings all along

[oriigirii]

💞 MC is a Genshin Simp 💞

=====

{ AN: Omg! This is my first ask so thank you anon (๑ↀᆺↀ๑)/!! This is such a vibe too haha, I hope you like it! } Warnings: None [Maybe Refs and Chars you wont get if you dont play Genshin Impact] * Probably a bit OOC too *

Reader: Gender-Neutral [Default]

( ⓛ ω ⓛ *)

========

< Genshin Impact was a game that took the human realm by storm, with its open-world gameplay, its competitive PvE and aesthatic settings, it was truly something that captured you the moment the beta was announced. Although, as with any Gacha games, you weren’t only attracted to the world and its setting.

No no.

The characters were truly the main eye candy of the game. You’d been worried that when you had been sucked into Devildom, you wouldn’t be able to access the game due to, yknow, realm differences, but luckily that wasn’t the case thanks to Levi, and hence why the moment it dropped, you had been spending your life savings simping for characters on every banner.

Yknow theres handsome bois in devildom too... Theyre just kinda waiting for you to put your game down for a moment and kinda notice em ～((Φ◇Φ)‡ >

------

ฅ⁽͑ ˚̀ ˙̭ ˚́ ⁾̉ฅ Lucifer

He usually doesn’t mind you playing games

Although, He would’ve preferred if you didn’t cause you kinda need to focus on your studies yknow?

But hey he’s not stopping you

Usually you would stay with him as he works, but he can’t seem to focus with you constantly begging beside him

Small little ‘please’ would be heard every now and then, and a sudden look of disappointment would show on your face.

He tried to ignore it, even giving little cues for you to quiet down, like clearing his throat

You didnt seem to pick up the hint though

He was just about to ask you what you were doing in the first place that has you praying beside him (which is hella rude) but your scream of happiness has him a little more irked and kinda taken back

“LUCIFER! I GOT HIM! LOOK LOOK I GOT HIM!”

You show him the screen showing your pull results

The character held a giant claymore with bright red hair

Before he can get another word in, you snatch your phone back and just sigh as if youd just had a heavenly (ironic) experience and mumble

“I seriously love him, Im so happy...”

Bro same though, Diluc pls come home

You were truly one of a kind, because youve just managed to break the Avatar of Pride’s... well.... Pride.

Did he just get cucked by a man in a video game?

Truly outrageous.

He seems to scoff and holds back a bit of an eye roll as he tries to focus back on his work

But boy oh boy, his salt is high

“If you are going to be causing a ruckus MC, May i suggest you doing it with Levi instead, I have no time for such games. I dont see why youre so caught up in such a character anyways, he looks quite basic.”

His words were sharp, and that was enough to shake you out of your fangirl/boy mode.

You were literally ready to fight the first born, a literal fucking fallen angel, for dissing Diluc like that

like

how dare

But then you notice how he seems to avoid your gaze and a small little red tint was on the tip of his ears.

Lucifer wouldve wanted to see you that happy with him, but no, a game character steals that spotlight.

Angey.

Instead of being intimidated by the sudden coldness, you giggle and finally close your phone and set it aside

You can continue celebrating and bragging about it later, for now, you wrap your arms around his arm and give him a small smooch on the cheek, which definitely makes him blush a tad bit

“Awww Luci dont be like that, Yknow I love you more”

Potential apocalypse has been diverted

But Lucifer does smile the smallest of smiles as he sighs, finding it silly to really get jealous over such a small thing and says

“I love you too, my dear... but you do have to make up for distracting me from my work...”

Well you kinda deserve it, so it wasnt long before both his work and your phone had been ditched

( After a while you do kinda see him quite similar to Diluc and it just makes you smile everytime you think about it, seems you have a thing for the strict cold men huh?)

===

Σ(‘◉⌓◉’) Mammon

Why you simping for a fictional character when you already have him?!

He’s your first man!

Your homie!

“Yeah well hes my first 5* so can you blame me?”

S A D N E S S

But for real, this man is just so clingy

He has heard from Levi that you were playing a new game from the human world, and of course, he had wanted to see what it was about by watching you play.

But since it was quite grind-heavy gacha game, he grew a bit bored and asked you to come with him to hang out somewhere else, or even go to the casino and gamble his money away cause he just got goldie back

But no matter what he suggests, you were just so focused on your grinding.

He’d prefer a different kinda grinding right about now with how lonely he is, ya feel me?

But no, you still werent interested.

“Oi! Cmon MC, whats even so important about this?”

“I already told you Mammon, Im grinding for primogems from the event! Theyre gonna be gone soon and I just HAVE to get them! Ugh I swear to Diavolo, if I dont, Imma cry! I didnt get him on their first banner too... ugh!”

Wait no--

Cmon he doesnt want you to cry!

Mammon kinda stays silent for a bit as he watches you struggle to fight the monsters with your low level team, frustration growing on your face.

But as you finish, Mammon seems to snatch your phone

“Hey! whats the big deal Mammon?!”

“Shut up and show me where the store is geez”

Mammon’s demands kinda surprises you and you raise an eyebrow at him, but you do show where it was, and sit back for a while as Mammon just fiddles around with it. You werent sure what he was doing honestly, was he interested? Did you say anything that made him act this way? All you talked about the game was the gacha system so--

oh…

OH

“Mammon! Wait you dont have to---”

“There! I got you as much primo things, or whatever theyre called”

He already has tossed you your phone back and he crossed his arms, looking away as the red blush covers most of his cheeks.

You look at your phone and you honestly felt your heart speed up and stop at the same time at the amount of primos on your account, it was enough for a full 180 pull! If you dont get the limited character on the first 50-50, you have another shot!

You felt your own heart speed up and your face burn so hard, but you do mumble him a quick “But... But why though?”

“Cuz! If you start cryin’ Lucifer’s gonna beat my ass! Dont think I did it for you, you human! I just dont want him taking away Goldie again!”

“But I thought this was your gambling money, isnt it?”

“w-well!... I mean... Hmph.. Gachas kinda like gambling right?, I know Lucifers gonna hang me if he catches me in the casino again anyways, so I thought I might as well just do this... with you...or whatever...” Hes dying, help

But so are you!

Hes too fucking cute and you just glomp him and just hug him as tight as you can!!

Flusterred boi 100

But you do spend you afternoon on his lap, both of you rolling the full 180 in excitement, whether you get that boi/gal you simped for on the banner or not, you still were happy to spend some time with Mammon

He doesnt mind losing a bit of cash for you

but you do promise to pay him back (maybe with a few kissy)

But to be honest, Gacha probably will help him with his gambling addiction...

kinda...

He doesnt go to casinos anymore but he does whale with you now

Lucifer has such a mix feeling with these results.

But he still confiscates Goldie and your card on the end, yall need to chill.

====

ヽ(。_°)ノ Leviathan

He probably wasn’t even interested on the game at first

He already has enough games to play, and it just looks like another rip off of some other game he saw not too long ago with that elf looking guy

But when you came to him asking for his help to get the game, you bet your ass that he felt a switch click

Suddenly it was incredibly interesting!

You do share your interests to him almost immediately

By interests, of course i mean the peeps you simp for

The sexy ara ara in the library of mondstat, the pirate looking ass of the guards, the pirate looking ass’s brother thats a wine owner and still highkey reminds you of Lucifer, the demon slayer--- You were actually unsure if you should talk about Xiao but hey hes cool

You explain it all!

From their lore to their voice lines and whatever

But honestly what do you expect from the Avatar of Envy?

Of course hes gonna be a bit jealous! He cant compare to any of these characters! Hes not as witty as that eye patch man, hes not as sophisticated as that red head, hes not as flirty as that ara ara either!

As you go on, you notice that Levi was kinda... half listening....

It made you pout, but then, it made you worried

Uh-oh you know that look

its that, ‘im overthinking’ look

So to snap him out of it, you kinda grab his face as gently as you can

“Need Grimm for your thoughts?”

He flushes and he immediately looks away, but you usher him to look at you as you coo and ask him whats wrong

It takes a bit till he kinda explains to you how hes feeling

In your relationship, you both were practicing being more open with each other, hence why you were proud of Levi for saying it

but you did feel kinda sad and frowned as he finishes explaining

“You... feel jealous?”

“Ugh d-dont say it out loud normie....”

He covers his face with his arm and you just cant help but shake your head with a fond smile, but you do need to address this and comfort him.

“Levi... when you fanboy about Ruri chan, did you ever think she was better than me?”

Your question made him frown and look at you in absolute worry

Did you actually think that you were below Ruri chan?

Of course hes an absolute simp for Ruri but.. cmon

Now that he thinks about it, he does talk about her a lot doesnt he? oh no...

“MC O-Of course not! I love Ruri chan yes, but you... I... I Love... you more...” Levi exe do be dying

But you smile at his response and gently kisses his cheek

“I think thats sweet Levi... But thats how I am too... Youre still better than any of these characters, youre real and they arent, youre mine and I am yours~ Youre my personal 5 star!” You wink at him and Levi just dips

his heart couldnt handle the cuteness and he died, ladies and gentlemen

but for real he did pass out

Must be from all the blood on his head from the blush

But ah, he does get it, and after being showered with love from you, He kinda slowly got over his jealousy

its not immediate but with simple reassurances, you can manage to reel him in and have fun with you

He does end up enjoying the game cause he gets to spend time with you, and he gets to show off when events happen 

He also goes out of his way to memorize locations for materials for you, and when youre sick or busy, he pilots your account

true gamer

But ironically enough hed probably start simping for a character too and of course, you both start bonding over that, which just makes Levi absolutely happy

I wonder if hed simp for Barbara, she is an idol afterall like Ruri chan

Probably lowkey for now

Afterall she looks like a minor so-----

( I dunno i searched shes 16-18 lol )

But regardless, I can imagine you both just cosplaying each others fav characters too

Its a wack looking ship cosplay but yall just simp for each other cause of it, its pretty fun but the rest of the brothers just finds it hella weird

----

I only have energy for these 3 as always, Im sorry! But i promise Ill do the rest!! I hope you guys do enjoy, and Id love some feedback on the characters personalities cause I know they can be a bit Ooc, But feel free to send me an ask! Im pretty open lol 〜(￣△￣〜)

[sailorhyunjinz]

Alright so since bangchan is the type to definitely have trust issues and super insecure i feel like he had a relationship before but was faced with reality that is nothing lasts forever. So that's why i think even he feels like a perfect relationship exists and won't date anyone easily. My point is what's that thing that would make skz members date you👀👀

no this is so fun, IM REALLY GONNA TRY TO LIKE,,, be a spiritual queen (LMAOJGDAHSD IM NOT BUT LIKE,,, lemme pretend like i am) but i think i would have to agree with you. BUT LEMME SEE WHAT I CAN SENSE

also all the astrology in this is kinda half assed since we dont know their exact birth time BUT LETS JUST KINDA,,, wing it. also not saying that someone only needs one of these aspects in an relationship, you obviously need all of them but these are just the ones that stood out more than others. 

Bangchan

Trust.

ohoho,,, this is important.

his trust has been broken far too many times and therefore he doesnt trust people as easily (just like anon said heh,,)

except,,, he does,, because as soon as somebody shows even an ounce of affection he pours his entire soul into this person

which is both good and bad

you have to be the one to open up first because he’s now hesitant

take the first step, show him that you’re actually interested in his mind, his thoughts, his soul, everything about him

only then will he know whether you are worth his time or not.

Minho

Mystery.

he loves people that are hard to get 

not too much tho cause then he will lose interest completely

but if you are mysterious it means that he gets to uncover your personality bit by bit

he will know things no one else knows about you

which makes him feel so special 

he likes this mutual exchange you guys have when the both of you get to know each other more and more since he’s also kinda mysterious in the beginning

but then when you actually do get to know him its so rewarding and vice versa

ah,,, he’s the cutest, showing sides of himself he doesnt show to anyone else!

also wanting to add this; scorpio sun, scorpio venus... I MEAN COME ON,,,

Changbin

Loyalty

i get this feeling that he’s VERY picky 

its not that he thinks he’s better then anyone else, he’s very humble and stuff 

but he’s afraid to get hurt?? or like get in a relationship that will end messy

and so he’s VERY careful,,, but if you show him that you are loyal to him and ONLY him he will love you unconditionally. 

i mean nobody likes someone thats not loyal duh but its so important for his to know that you will stick with him through his,,, even a bit questionable ideas and plans

but he makes it up to you since he’s always very loving because you give him this sense of being appreciated and seen

which feeds his sun and moon leo OOP- 

Hyunjin

Respect. 

if he’s not careful he will date the wrong people

and he will forgive them even if they’ve hurt him

he’s too nice for his own good basically

so if you show that you have respect for his bounderies he will love you more than anyone

he expects you to treat him the same way he treats you 

which is very very good btw

very respectful of bounderies and always asks for permission whatever it might be 

he’s also very emotional (pieces sun and pieces venus,,, yikes)

NOT THAT THERES ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT

but he gets to get his emotions tangled and devalues them

so please,,, take care of this ferret boy. 

Jisung

Emotional Intelligence

i know everybody likes to think of him as this always happy person, an actual giggle machine but his thoughts are very deep

this is gonna sound weird but if you display weaknesses he has mad respect for you

somebody that is in tune with their feelings and can help others with genuine advice and not just telling them to “calm down” or “not worry” 

THAT!! THAT IS HIS KINK (lmao- ok stop making this sexual)

he doesnt want to be alone in his struggles and if you have been through something similar to him he will cling to you as if theres no tomorrow

HE’S A SENSITIVE BABY :((

Felix

Comfort. 

i dont know why but i keep hearing the word “ok” or “i am ok” which is great but,,, i feel like he craves that, he craves someone that will keep him in that “ok” state.

he’s afraid of his feelings.

sounds ~deep~ but whenever he’s feeling down he tends to be drawn to comforting people

like chan for example! ok sure,,, chan is their leader but he’s a very comforting soul and he just throws himself onto him

he would so the same with a s/o

show him a safe space and he will never leave~! 

he’s been alone many times in his life and he never wants to be there again and therefore he will be very clingy 

but its cute

BUT PLEASE DONT BREAK THIS SAFE SPACE FOR HIM UNLESS YOU WANT HIM TO BREAK :((

Seungmin

Innocence.

not in like,,, a sexual sense or whatever but more like,,, kinda this free spirit that both wants to lead him and be led kinda??

he likes to take care of people but doesnt get to do that too often so if you show that you like to be taken care of he will do it kinda subconsiously

almost like a mama bird taking care of their baby (w-wait this is so cute :c)

hmmm i feel like he’s very much also kinda a free spirit,, liking whoever he likes, whoever he vibes with

but theres one thing that will never ever attract him and thats being quarrelsome

yeah sure! voice your opinions! he’s all for that but dont be defensive, starting arguments because he’s a) scared of argumentative people and b) will get tired of trying to battle you with words

Jeongin

Charm

this is gonna be so fitting but he wants a fox-like partner

somebody that knows how to use their brain and can captivate others with their general charisma

somebody whose scent will linger around but who is never seen

its very very sexy,,, when you have this confidence about you, walking around like you know who you are and what your purpose is

he also likes it if you can give him actual feedback and voice your opinion!

he wants to learn from you, look up to you and be you good little boy

that doesnt mean he can’t be leading, he definitely can but he wants someone reliable to lean back on sometimes

wants to be cuddled

bonus points if you’re very giggly and touchy sometimes