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ꕀ LUST FOR LIFE ꕀ 04
↳ sex money feelings die remastered .ᐟ cross posted on ao3
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“ they say only the good die young, that just ain't right 'cause we're having too much fun, too much fun tonight ”
↳ synopsis: a group of individuals find that their first taste of freedom in the world brings more obstacles than expected. some of them, find solace by drowning in liquor or in the backseat of somebody else’s car. a lot of them have got to get their shit together. a lot of them won't.
mdni » story contains nsfw content intended for 18+ audiences pairings » member specific, not listed for spoiler purposes ↳ ateez x female reader, ateez x ateez ↳ genre » coming of age ↳ word count » 2.3k ↳ general warnings » substance abuse & consumption, sexual content, morally grey characters, unreliable narrators, internalised homophobia, angst, basically every struggle young adolescence can go through ↳ a/n┆i hope u guys love this chapter as much as i do !! a little blast from the past always has me excited <3 p.s let me know which pairings ur rooting for after reading hehe (and yes next chapter we will be back at the party dont worry the drama has just begun)
04⌇memories of summer bring you
As San weaves his way through the crowd, past the drunken bodies of guys and girls alike, he finds himself reminiscing in just how much he had changed the past few years. Was it okay to live a life like he was right now? He’s not too sure. San first thinks of high school, then his thoughts float to you.
San watches the clock tick above his teacher’s desk, mind wandering as he scribbles on his worksheet with a ballpoint pen. He’s trapped in a god-awful environmental science class (which mind you would’ve been a free period instead), courtesy of not taking enough science courses earlier on to hit the credit minimum. It’s torturous, making him study about the world in a stuffy classroom when he could be out there learning by simply living in it.
San might just be a little salty, but the lesson isn’t actually that interesting either, so his mind has been elsewhere the last half hour. He’ll listen when it actually gets important, maybe. First he was daydreaming about buying a motorcycle and speeding off into the sunset, away from this boring sad old town to go live some larger-than-life bullshit.
Then he thought it’d be too lonely to do by himself, so he brainstormed an alternative. If he were ever able to do it, he’d probably try convincing someone to come with him. He hasn’t even finished his senior year, yet his ideas still don’t seem all that crazy to him. It might be farfetched to others, but San disagrees. If you aren’t dreaming big, could it even be considered a dream at all?
Then he starts wondering if his thoughts are too reckless most, if not all of the time, if attempting to move through life hastily would be too irresponsible and could scare the people around him. But he really doesn’t want to miss out on living, San wants to go see and do the things you have to go out of your way to experience. Something you make the journey for to begin with, not just a simple detour.
The type of stuff you have to just hold your breath for and jump into with no regret before it’s too late, the tide retreating, water becoming far too shallow. (He truly wasn’t lying earlier when he said he loves to be on the move, or that the thrill of exploring had always been dangerously enticing to him.) Those mantras, principles, whatever you wish to call them replay in his mind daily. They always have.
San knows the world won’t slow down and wait for him too. He sees it outside the classroom window right now, how the cars still pass down the street as the birds fly high into the sky even if he’s confined to his seat. San is well aware that it’s him who has to be the one to take the leap of faith and choose to start living. The problem is that sometimes he just can’t.
When San would think about the daredevils, adrenaline junkies, risk takers of the world, those who love to live on the edge of things, preparing for their big take off, he’d think of how he would love to be like that someday. Yeah, someday. The difference was he liked staying on the edge too much. Didn’t like the feeling of climbing to the highest point just for the glory if he could end up tipping over, see himself falling down and lose control of everything in the process.
When third period ends San makes his way out of class then down the hall, stopping at his locker so he can drop off the notebook and stationery he no longer needs till after his second lunch break. San knows he has PE next, so he quickly grabs his gym clothes. It’s not that he cares much about being late for it or missing out on any of the “action” though, he only really enjoys it depending on what sport they’re playing.
He likes the sports where his only role is to defend whenever a ball or something comes his way. It’s why he thinks volleyball is torture; trying his best to stay in his position once his team scores but then somebody is already telling him to hurry up and rotate. Those days are just endless cycles of torture. Actually, were. He started to sit in the nurse’s office on those days.
It’s a good thing they’re doing netball today (he doesn’t have any more passes to sit in the med bay now). San has a lot of fun playing it. He’s even claimed the goalkeeper bib before anyone else can so much that whoever he plays with just lets him have it. The people he usually plays with are good enough to the point where the opposing team never even gets to his third of the court.
Goalkeeper suits him for that exact reason, he enjoys getting to win without even having to take a shot with the ball. San liked how it was so much he didn’t think or want to try being a goal attacker or centre. Well, maybe sometimes he did a little. There were a couple instances where he wanted to try a different role for the first time. San had gotten as close as picking up a different position bib even. Thoughts like that were shoved away quickly however, and the bib would end thrown back into the crate. The mere possibility of letting anyone down in case he was terrible outweighed his curiosity (and potential) on multiple occasions.
Failure was a funny thing; it had given him a terrible feeling that would sit in the pit of his stomach or make him so nauseous it was awfully dizzying. The funnier thing was that San had never truly failed at anything in life, simply because he had never tried much to begin with. That was the case, for quite some time in his life as he knew it. He had been growing more than okay with that knowledge as time passed, then one day he wasn’t.
As he turned away from his locker, San spotted you walking the opposite way to your own fourth period class, clearly getting ready to ditch the rest of the day. His heartbeat had sped up and his palms were awfully sweaty but for the first time ever, he shut out every reasoning voice in his head and chose to do something he never had the courage to before.
The two of you were in the same grade, so he had seen you passing by in the hallways always with both earphones in (to drown out everyone else he assumes, you never talked to anyone when you had them in while carrying an almost sorrow expression). Despite how you looked, you would still be humming away to a tune he could never fully quite catch.
He also knew your lunch times were spent eating shitty snacks from the vending machines and that you really liked the strawberry lollipops from the cafeteria (which they only sold every Friday for some fucked up reason, he overheard you complaining about it to your friends in math).
San would also see you after school with all of your cooler, older friends too. You would all huddle around the corner near the bike racks in the parking lot, out of sight from teachers so you could bum cigarettes off of each other. You’d also listen to music while you were there, only with one earphone in though so you could still hear everyone talk. He liked seeing that, you always looked happy and smiley talking to your friends.
The two of you weren’t complete strangers, but nowhere close enough where he could feel safe calling you his friend either. You shared multiple classes with San, greeting him with a small smile when you’d walk by his seat to get to your own (he liked that you’d always say hi to him even when he never did first). The both of you even worked on group projects together, but that wasn’t enough for him. He wanted to know more about you, to take even the smallest peek at the inner workings of your mind. To find out how you always seemed to not care when things went wrong.
He thinks of your reaction when you would fail a test, how you’d simply shrug before shoving the paper into the bottom of your backpack. Immediately after, smiling as you’d turn around to talk to your friends about whatever you all planned to do that weekend. Stuff like that didn’t make much sense to him. Why would you not opt out of hanging out just for one weekend and study harder to do better on the next test like he would?
San supposes that’s what separates the two of you into vastly different worlds, yet he wants nothing more than to just step over that line and join you.
When he had spotted you there, on that humid summer day in early June a feeling had begun to settle into his stomach again. The strange bit was that it didn’t feel humiliating nor demeaning, but there was still something unsettling about it. It felt extremely foreign at first but now, incredibly comforting. Because for once, it didn’t feel like failure.
So, he then decided to call out to you. It was the very first time he had ever greeted you, without you doing it first. Your name exceedingly foreign on his tongue when coming out of his mouth while you weren’t sitting at your desks in a shared class. You had turned around at the noise, both earphones still blasting music into your ears.
Once you had recognised who the voice belonged too, you immediately had taken out both of your earphones with a smile. The tune he had never been able to fully hear, was now playing into the world for him to hear freely. He felt the corners of his mouth beginning to prick upwards at that. Yet with no plan of what words he would say now, San was immediately regretting his choice to speak to you. His fists were balled up in front of him, grip tightening on his clothes ever so slightly as he lowers his eyes down away from you.
The edge he always treads so carefully on was now unstable and he felt it beginning to crack already. You don’t leave him any more time to freak out over it though. When he looks up, he sees you already opening your mouth to say hello in the soft tone you always use, ushering him over.
“Hey, San. You want to come skip with me?”
The cool breeze flowing through the corridor, cooling down his cheeks just had to heat up again when he locked eyes with you, of course they did. Because San had always found everything about you pretty, from the first time he ever saw you. Not a day would there be a doubt in his mind of that. But, in that very moment he found you strikingly beautiful. In a split second, where his brain and his heart finally worked in unison he had responded hurriedly, before he could overthink it and regret it for the rest of his days.
“Yeah, I do. I’ll come along,” As he chucked his gym clothes back into his locker, a switch had been flicked on in his mind. When he turned around and saw you then, one lollipop in your mouth and a second in your hand, held out to him, a realisation had been thrown into his face like a bucket of ice-cold water. San had ultimately discovered that dancing on the edge was fun, yet leaping off it was much better. Even if the water was too shallow down below, San thinks he would be okay with that.
While walking away from the gym and instead down the hall with you by his side, San had spotted your earphones tangled up and peeking out of your backpack. That day, he settled with the fact that maybe it was okay to be a little too reckless, to move a tad too fast. Even if it could scare people, even if it scared him.
If you asked San what made him love that summer far more than the previous ones, he might mention his drunken bike rides with you and your friends, or the nights he spent laying on the beach with you gazing at the stars. Hell, he even liked the part time job he had to take up thanks to the party you helped him throw (which ended in that broken window he had to pay for). Spending a portion of his summer working as a server wasn’t fun in theory but when you’d visit him on his breaks or pick him up after his shifts, San had found it pretty worth it in the end.
He was truly happy in every moment back then; he’s enlightened even now, because all the memories of summer bring you back to him. Despite existing only as a brief moment in his own mind, San is content because whenever he closes his eyes he finds a version of you is there with him. He’s able feel the sun on his bare skin, with your lips pressed against his own again. His favorite bit being when the lingering hint of strawberries followed as you both pulled away.
Yeah, that’s exactly when it was. Three summers ago. When San had first decided it was alright to embrace being him, to be the person he still was today. All thanks to you.
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#lust for life au#ateez#ateez fanfic#ateez x reader#ateez fic#ateez scenarios#kpop#atz#san#san x reader#ateez ot8#seonghwa#wooyoung#yeosang#hongjoong#yunho#mingi#jongho#atz fic#ateez reader#atz fanfic#angst#ateez au#x reader#lust for life#series#ateez smut
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What the fuck
Can someone please explain why the fuck when you search up drdt
on gifs
This is like half the shit there is
Who is the arturovid fan in charge of this
How did this day get 1000x times more insane than it already was
God this fandom is so insane, never change
This is feral
#everything is so unhinged#it's like being drunk on a party with neon lights glaring into your eyes#never change drdt fandom#drdt#danganronpa#danganronpa despair time#arturovid#arturo giles#david chiem#i dont even know who to credit for all these
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I'm not sure if I believe the "Wakaba Isshiki did unethical experiments" theory in the fandom, but I do think this is the biggest proof of it in-game:
Because how the hell would she know that?
The first explanation is that she did experiments by sending people into palaces and then testing what happens to them if the palace collapses. Which is messed up for obvious reasons.
The second explanation is that she did NOT test it, meaning she was just making shit up. Which is funny but also would make her a terrible scientist. This explanation is less believable because everything else about her research is too accurate.
There's also a theory that Wakaba did unethical experiments on Akechi specifically. I'm not sure I believe that, since the evidence for it is pretty shallow (like the featherman game scientist experimenting on grey pigeon). But this scene is once again the biggest argument you could make for that theory. The researcher in the image above refers to palaces by their correct term 'palaces', which they say was based on Wakaba's research. But that's only something you would know with firsthand experience of the metaverse. And the only person they know who could access the metaverse was Akechi (that we know of, but i dont think Shido would rely only on Akechi if there were other options).
So yeah this scene is very sus. It's most likely the writers didn't think too deep about the implications. There's no way they wanted Futaba's mom to be sketchy, right? But even if it's not intentional, the scenes and their implications still exist. So in conclusion those theories make sense, I get it, and I don't blame anyone for headcanoning them and having fun. And tbh anyone involved with cognitive psience was portrayed as some degree of unethical (maruki for example), maybe this is just on-brand
#i really wish the game explained what the cognitive psience research thing was like more#like WHO are those people following joker at the end of the game. and WHO are those men escorting akechi in the end credits#shuake always matching because theyre both being stalked by men in suits for some unexplained reason#also about that featherman game#we all know grey pigeon is supposed to be akechi#but personally i dont think the scientist in that game is wakaba. thematically it feels more like shido#but regardless the game implies some stuff that akechi went through#either he was experimented on by cognitive pscientists (if you take the game literally)#or it's supposed to be a metaphor for the grooming shido did to him. endangering his life and controlling him with promises and praise#uggghggh thats so awful. someone pls just let the boy be happy#my post#persona 5#persona 5 royal#wakaba isshiki#futaba sakura#goro akechi#p5r wakaba#p5r futaba#p5r akechi#shido masayoshi#phantom thieves#p5r shido#p5r analysis#p5r meta#persona 5 meta#p5r#shuake#tagged shuake because i mentioned them in the tags even if the post itself isnt rlly about them
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Oh my adhd having students, I mean this in the most "I'm trying to help u pass this class" way possible: what the fuck am I supposed to do with you? And I mean that as an earnest question. If u have advice pls let me know.
#bc the thing is. u have to be in attendance to get credit for labs and u have to turn in assignments to get credit#and i dont kno how to make those things happen for you. so like???#and u can have flexible attendance but u dont get credit if u arent there and we cant do makeups for all the labs#bc that infringes on our lab manager's time in a way that doesn't work#and u can have flexible deadlines but like if u dont turn things in there's no credit to be given. so again???#i dont know how to help and i dont kno how much of this is im a dumb 18yo who is used to arrangements being made for me. bc i get that#from students who dont have learning disabilities vs how much is a genuine inability to keep things on task#and like how much am i expected to give? im just a graduate TA. i cant hold ur hand thru everything. im not paid to do that#but i want to help however i can. so like??? i dont kno what to do and i understand the frustration#as someone with a learning disability that isnt really helped by the accommodations i have access to#but is it a case of: u need to try harder or even trying ur hardest it's nnot possible. i dont kno. i cant kno#and what the fuck am i supposed to do if its the latter? it just sucks#unrelated
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crazy take: aside from actual lesbian romance stories, obviously, nothing passes the bechdel test better than moe "cute girls doing cute things" anime. its always just a group of girls, few to no named male characters, boys and dating are hardly ever brought up beyond the abstract, if at all. like we're focusing on the girls hanging out rn, we dont need to worry abt that shit. mugi just ate mio's strawberry.
#this doesnt mean i think all ''cute girls doing cute things'' anime is feminist btw#thats not my take. the test itself isnt a metric for feminism#im just saying if you take the rules purely at face value. that type of show kills it#but also no the genre isnt for the male gaze! everyone go watch 'a place further than the universe' and develop some emotions#even k on which i joked abt in the post- its actually a bit complicated bc of the way the anime deviates from the manga#but the short of it is the further it gets away from its source and becomes its own thing the more it becomes abt the girls#s2 being all original was the strongest. its a great story about the fleeting nature of youth and lasting friendships actually#ppl dont give it enough credit. yes its slice of life ofc but its really good#also not to mention bocchi. everyone loved bocchi. in that show they literally have a joke where they dont show the dads face#bc no male characters LOL#the acceptation being that one club owner who is meant to be more feminine? manga readers know more abt that tho
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so there’s that g/t tropes tier list going around (link)
#g/t#feel free to reblog and add yours!#also im not sure who made this but if anyone knows lmk and ill @ them for credit !#ykno looking at my list its so funny. i rlly am all abt the angst. the drama#i dont actively dislike any of these tho except for the bottom tier#and even then its more ‘i hate it for me but love it for yall’ ykno#also idk why some r different colors hello
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He looks so different with glasses 😂 did not recognize him at first
terribly funny how much more generic he can get with a thick frame of raybans like ive always believed the whole glasses as a disguise would never work irl but i got punked so hard that when i first saw him in glasses i was like "oh another man" glossed over him then felt the same sensation as when i forget to buy milk at the store, swiped back, scrutinised this for far longer than im comfortable admitting publicly and went "oh my god THATS MY MAN GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING"
#ask#i went “maffhew where the hell have you been loca”#she is but a beautiful female protagonist “shackled” by a thick pair of glasses#to me she is even more beautiful with the glasses#but also just another man#ive specifically seen this type of man in so many fucking places...#the fruity english teacher that also teaches the creative writing course because he genuinely enjoys spoken word#the one where you walk into his class see the open class layout... look up at him... look at his fit and go#huh... itd be rude to ask if he has a husband but... you know...#the class where you can tell hes in because you can smell his maple syrup candle from the courtyard#despite there being a whole gym between you and the building hes in because his door is always open and anytime the building door opens#you smell a whole wiff of autumn... it is in fact summer... and always summer where you are...#he doesnt talk about his lovelife at all doesnt even mention anything about it#but everyones curious but hes cool and you dont want to make him uncomfortable so you dont ask but you know you know?#its why you squeal in glee when he shows up to open mic night at the blackbox in the 300 building with his husband in tow because once again#he adores spoken word and gave extra credit to anyone who preformed and he wants to support his students#and hes just so smiley and giggly all night because he finally gets to be with his secret husband and its so perfect and theyre so perfect#and he also your dad because you have daddy issues and having a male figure in your life whos queer and supports you is so important-#you know what!! i think we know a little too much about each other i will stop now!!!! you get the idea!!!!!
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your origin story is so relatable i love it. as someone was too young to watch the original trilogy when it came out and didn't watch many cartoons or comics/superhero stuff growing up, by the time I got interested the MCU really seemed like the only worthwhile option around at first. and tbh I do commend marvel for making the avengers so fun to get into via the movies (even if the mcu doth get too much after a bit) because the more you learn about comics the more you realise that they're not the most compelling team (affectionate) in the first place so really good job. but anyway yeah had drifted into dc for a good few years and then I was shown the deadpool 3 credits (not the movie) and despite having no knowledge of the x-men, the backstage bloopers, the music and the beach divorce just really awakened something in me
i congratulate you on reading That Whole Mess i typed up thank you VJLEAKVJ BUT REAL... i actually remember catching my bro watching the first avengers movie with some friends and Vaguely getting interested then: even if i dont LOVE love the avengers now, i do thank it for being a gateway into comics as a whole :]
#snap chats#good morning dimmsdale !!!! i dont have any quirky add on this just a pleasant good morning for once#ngl the deadpool credits were super sweet even if i had. NO clue who i was looking at at the time#the vibe was just there and yk what .. it holds up..#the xmen movies are such a delight to rewatch and i neednt go into the BTS clips theyre all so silly#god in retrospect if id known what the hell Beach Divorce was im pretty sure i woulda thrown up cackling in the theater#GOD ... oh well !!! i know now and so now im happy to cackle about it with you lot these days :] or cry whichever is appropriate at the tim#the mcu itself Did get exhausting after a minute like I Tell You i only went because of my brother for a reason#i didnt HATE watching these movies but it wasnt my priority yk#im glad i got the excuse to go through my bro tho because Again it did eventually plant a seed of interest in my brain#and now we're here :]#BUUT id be lying if i didnt say the first few mcu/avengers movies werent a blast ...#the iron man movies are still p good if i may be so tbh .. been YEARS since i seen them but i still remember them fondly..
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the funniest thing about having to report fraud on my credit card today was the girl on the phone listing all my transactions to me to see if i recognized them and literally 100% of them were all media purchases liiiiike wow I really have 1 hobby and 1 hobby only don't I
#it was like#netflix? prime? criterion channel? disney+? youtube?#yep yep yep yep all me#cineplex? nintendo? local bookstore? kindle? patreon?#yep all me as well#also the awkward moment where i had to confirm i paid for tumblr this month lol like who does that#literally i think the only purchases she listed that werent me being a nerd about media consumption was my car insurance and phone bill#anywayz someone used my credit card to buy something that was 540 dollars on amazon today!!!!#locked that shit down#they bought a deep cut band saw that they were trying to send to a suburban house in whitby ontario#the way in which i can literally google street view the asshole's home who stole my shit because they added their address to my account...#i dont know how they got it but MAYBE this will force me to get a new computer since i know outdated ones are bad for getting scammed on#somebody was also selling all my 1 cent stupid steam trading cards with my steam account last night#i cant even use frikkin steam to play games right now yet i can still get scammed on there apparently argh. so many passwords to change#i wish they'd do away with that fuckass steam trading card system#like i don't even care about those at all but that's the second time that this has happened to me now#p
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Days without thinking so hard about how little we know about who clive actually is: 0
#random stuff#WAGH RAGH !!!!! TEARS UP WALLS IM SO NNORMALLL#like YES HE GETS. SO MUCH SCREENTIMR AND SPOTLIGHT#BUT WE DONT.EVEN KNOW HIM WE DONT EVEN KNOW HIM!!!!!!!!#all we see is clive at his worst#or clive when hes lying#how much of that was the false idea of 'future luke'? how much was really clive?#we only ever get like 3 glimpses of who clive really is. 2 of which are from the credits#the family photos (which i will forever think about every little implication of) & the one of little clive walking with his parents#and spring and cogg's comments on clive if you talk to them post-reveal#MOST OF WHICH. ARE EITHER STAGED (yknow family photo they had to pose for that n such). OR SECONDHAND ACCOUNTS#i do not DOUBT he was certainly as happy as he looked in those photos. but god. thinking about it forever#and ig you can maybe count the end where clive is all like i prommy ill atone for my crimes...#but homeboy is Concussed and Just Destroyed London and Is Going To Jail#i dont think thats entirely representative of what hes like on an average day#and. i guess im more thinking of. we dont even know who clive Was#hes certainly very changed from this experirnce#goddddddd i could ramble forever goddddd
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i know that when carlo suddenly decided that he needs to marry guy made a whole list in his head n like had a deadlines n shit. like it was some kind of a task he needed to do
#whole fkin campaign. idk still not sure how it was but man was in his peacock era for sure#n it's like i need to find a wife i need to make it in 2 (or whatever) months etc etc#but its like a bg task n he didn't speak bout it w others. like he just said that he needs to marry#also idk if i mentioned this but i wrote lauretta/carlo first meet long ago n she was w her fiance#i just listened to “pretty music” again sorry. i like that uh governor or tf this character is#changes his behaviour from one woman to another so real. n that fkin “but im a lucky guy who gets to dance w u”#and “since u know what i need i'll even take your lead” <- fr like im sure lauretta screwed him for several times#just to see if he's really serious good old manipulations w men nothing new nothing superstitious#upd. he probably made a mind budget for this (i mean finding a wife)#n bout lauretta screwing carlo its like in this ukranian song Ти ж мен�� пiдманула ти ж мене пiдвела#but since he's a strategist he's patient (like i wanted to accent this quality sm i wrote#that carlo started thinkin bout taking moretti's place back in 1932)#anyway. “Challenge accepted” situation and idk fr for some reason when it's carlo eddie lauretta it's always bout playing#so lauretta started playing n he entered this play too. i don't even think he was exactly mad (maybe only for the 1st time)#at this point i have a clear image of how they met n their first dates (cringe word) n how he proposed#ie how it started how it ended. ending was fast i believe (deadline is approaching 🤯)#what was in between i don't exactly know but i wondered just now if he also screwed lauretta (i think yes)#bc i don't knooowwww frrr all this is so bout playing to me#but bout ending its like. boss fight (<- sex) game credits (<- marriage) ((speedrun))#also i was thinkin if he even ever met lauretta's parents (i always thought that no but idk)#can imagine lauretta calling carlo a good friend. i also hm ok#i started to write a comic like a month ago just bout falcone polycule n it starts w#carlo who says that he finally needs to get married n lauretta's mother askin (in a pushing way) why#her n her fiance still aren't married like girl tf. she jinxed it i guess#upd. carlo/lauretta is funny in my head bc right before marriage he did fell in love lauretta didn't but guy's profitable we'll take him👍#she did only after marriage i think bc it was the time when u can finally relief bc it's over#u don't need to think bout no yes no no yes yes will it work or won't etc#woman was able to fucking chill at last. she got the money sorry i mean the man#he's not runnin away let's finally look who the fuck is even this man. why he won't shut up bout astronomy can i get a divorce <- jk#but yeah “я тобi брехала” is so lauretta right after marriage to me (“i dont even know the color of ur hair”)
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woo young-woo sweetie look away while i beat ur mom's ass
#mine#eaw#the last few eps have been sm we're still trucking through but only on ep 12/16 & this BITCH????????#just say ur resentful ur daughter still has success & morals w/out ur hand in raising her & GO u weirdo#& also that ableist mf who went to her IDEC TO LEARN UR NAME ILL BEAT UR ASS TOO#'oh she's nepotism benefactor bc her dad knows our boss' THATS NOT WHAT IT MEANS U DUMB BITCH#DID U EVEN ACTUALLY GRADUATE COLLEGE I DONT BELIEVE U DID#she literally has credits to back herself up & she can damn sure hold up in court when it matters#ur all just bitter losers i wish i could explode w my mind#LOOK AWAY WOO YOUNG-WOO WHILE U GET BEHIND ME SO I CAN START SWINGING
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"what did you do today" oh you know just rpf roleplay in the discord. the usual
#i dont know how to come back#i am ryan guzmans personal assistant who he doesnt pay and he may or may not be holding my family hostage#i love him even though he calls me homophobic slurs all day <3#he maxed out all my credit cards
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never watched an hbomberguy video thru but i started this new one bc ive seen 3847399349 posts abt it and it is making me once again ready to eviscerate one of my old college professors
#i have so many issues w that woman but one of the biggest was the fact that she heavily encouraged VERY HEAVY photoshop#on our architecture projects. as in like only a small portion was actually to be built by us#she wanted our final boards to be these weird collages with just abt everything in the end photoshopped#and im looking at these like. past examples shes showing us#and not only are they practically illegible#theyre also just 80% collage from uncredited artists#and im like maam i dont know if you can even call this transformative. this is just straight plagarism#and i asked her how best to credit the 1 (one) artist id be using art from#and she was like eh. if you have space. add it. but dont stress#MAAM.#shes the one who told me to put a 3 story tall few hundred feet long pane straight pane of glass w no mullions in a resi building in#downtown chicago#so there was smthn up w her anyway.#m text#(all her favorite students works looked like plagarized legend of zelda temples btw)#(she told me not to worry abt ADA or even bathrooms in my HALFWAY HOME)
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You know me. I like barely ever show any NOT SAFE FOR WORK drawings on here. So instead, I'm sharing drawings of my face AS I was drawing each NOT SAFE FOR WORK thing.
And the subject is right there, smack dab in the middle. Being tormented by the sins of the egg. (I drew him really cute but I can't share the rest.)
ALSO, I'd like to state that it's not corngraphic except like two maybe, it's more so like violent. We are all just having fun beating this guy up. Like, step right up and stomp on his face type shih. I never ever ever draw violent stuff, unless it's lewling related, so this is like cathartic.
This uhh feeling will fade after Halloween hopefully and we'll go back to our regularly scheduled wholesomeness and cammypus.
#i looked in a mirror 20 feet away as reference because im like NYAHAHA WHAT EVILS HAVE I COMMITED#and i see my own smug face in the mirror like 'yes this will get me hunted down'#sketches#i do comedy slapstick violence but ya know doing more darker jokes and adult humor feels nice like im not censoring myself#i mean i still am by not showing you guys a lot of the bloody or even H O RN Y stuff but ya cant expose everything#like for those of yall who have followed me for years id say were all legal here for more than my usual 13+ content#i just want ro be appealing to a broader audience IN CASE i ever did make it somewhere but haha its been what#8 years since i started this blog. any credit i had died off with teeny taku fhjdjsksajsk#ive got no image to uphold. i have nothing im trying to promote anymore. i do but ive lost the plot ya know#im just having fun and im glad you guys are just ...letting me? like i looked at my old stuff#with the cookies the pokemans the fehs the ocs. and yall just let me go freaking wild and thought#yeah ill give that a like. bless yalls hearts. bless ya souls. ive got thousands of posts on here and yall just let me run wild#and thank you for that. ya never pit pressure on me. kts me outting pressure on myself.#i do wish there were folks that did look forward to some actual tangible content instead of me shitposting with no cohesiveness#but thats just hard with adhd. and try as i might with medications and alarms and deadlines and what have you. its just. difficult#like even the tags here are derailing. but i hope that alongside me just having fun doing my thing. i hope i can get on course#where there is a clear line to follow in my life but i dont lose sight of it as i trail off#but for now. im just drawing experimenting and straight up goofing around. have fun you guys#i may not show you everything but just know im having fun too.
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Betrayal for the not-so-nice asks?
betrayal: Has your OC ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Has your OC ever betrayed someone who trusted them?
Oooh so i sort’ve answered that already but I’ll go a little into Panam’s “betrayal”. When they first meet, V thinks he’s found a sort of kin in a fellow ex-nomad, until he realizes that Panam’s ex status is more akin to a studio sitcom where a kid packs a suitcase and only makes it as far as down the street; still, he’s got this yearning for this idea of family, this things he’s never quite experienced, especially the way Panam can just go back home and it’s still home for her. The betrayal happens in a scene in my one-day-will-be-finished long fic where eventually the rest of the Aldecaldos (idk if anyone else has noticed, but other than Panam’s close band of friends, most of them… don’t really like V the majority of the quest line. Lots of snarky comments as you’re passing through camp. Add in his origin story, well. Honestly it makes sense they don’t trust him) vote to ban him entirely because they believe he may be a double agent similar to Nash with the uptick in raffen raids. (This is especially double-edged bc my V, when he finds the notes from Nash in the Wraith camp, decides to give it to her instead of tossing it like Johnny tells him to. She thanks him and trusts him more because of the gesture, but she obviously confides to her close family like Mitch and Carol about Nash’s betrayal and they don’t exactly hang out w V in the same capacity she does to not think he wouldn’t do the same.)
Tysm! :> ( not-so-nice OC asks )
#stomping in a glass house#i should probably mention… i dont think the Aldecaldos are the ‘bad guys’ in this#they DO have reason to be suspicious of V yknow?#and i dont even fault Panam for when she does choose her family over a guy she only just knows#but it really wounds V#not just his pride but also at the start she keeps calling him shiv shiv shiv#and he gets furious like listen. I RENOUNCED my family. i abandoned them#just bc you couldn’t fucking manage doesn’t mean you can’t give me the credit for that Herculean task#and he does definitely feel disgust towards her for choosing family bc for him the concept of family is reprehensible#to him family means ‘group of people who abuse you or eventually will’ yknow#and it sort of reinforces the whole ‘I will always be a monster’ outlook he has#so he continues to lean into it bc its all anyone will ever see him as besides. what’s the point of trying to change
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