#i dont even know what ill do after my birthday . guess just die

[pinkshadesofshame]

I should've just went to work today at least I wouldn't be paralyzed in bed unable to take my eyes off a screen bc I cant stop thinking everything feels like it's up in flames I'm on a literal deadline just dreading this year and even if I make it through this one with my personal fuck ups there's the entire world and more years to get trudge through and I just don't think I want to why does everything have to be so awful and hard the fun moments no longer outweigh anything . it just all sucks

[theunconcernedembalmer]

ok i got the aesvic out of my system now time to pick apart the letter n why i wont really be following aesops diary exactly here. literally no one asked but i wanted to get my thoughts down somewhere cos i have. a lot

just gonna put a quick rundown of aesops diary entry as a refresher (mostly for myself so i dont miss anything): he dreamt that he was helping jerry with what was probably a murder n was affirmed n he thinks its a sign congratulating him on carrying out his duty. over the years, he carries out his duties as an undertaker n comes to the manor looking for a “fresh start” aka what sounds like his first victim. according to aesop, said victim should be quiet, n potential victim number 1 is victor. something about badly needing him to become his “silent friend” n he mentions he’ll get to wick n the 2 other survivors in due time, but for now he’s very eager to start his “mission”.

im generally okay with the letter (i have seen so many fights over this aha) cos there is no surprise he wants to kill ppl (ppl who r fighting over this point. did u even read his deductions?? guy happily killed his mentor??). but i didnt quite like the fact that he still looks up to jerry (although. i guess thats valid i just. dont like it). i was also initially kind of confused about the real reason why he would want to kill ppl since as u progress through the letter it sounds less like he kills for duty (cos of the whole dream thing at the start) but more “because i want to :)”, which is an okayish edgy kinda take imo. like not that u cant characterize aesop as Kill Kill Murder Die, but i kinda find that. pretty boring in the long term.

im just gonna put what my original take on aesop was, like all of it. first off, he hates jerry. u cannot tell me a psychotic serial killer like that can raise a child without emotional trauma. like any child, this isnt even counting the extra damage done because hes autistic. (n i also hc that aesop has read his moms letter to him at some point, n he should have come to the conclusion that it was somewhat also jerrys fault, whether through logic or denial that his mom would want to leave him, so that just adds to it.) but as much as he hates him, his teachings are the only ones hes been exposed to, n its been so ingrained in him since young so even if he hates jerry he would still subscribe to whatever twisted ideology jerry was feeding him, which ill get to in a sec.

going through his accessories, he has that origami that he folds for each of his clients, n it shows that underneath it all, aesop is still kind. this isnt expected of him n its definitely not part of his job scope as an embalmer. he (still?) has the heart to wish the best for those that have departed n takes the time n effort to fold one for each n every client he sends off, which is probably a lot. so going off on that, my hc is that jerry, being the manipulative asshole that he is (who probably definitely manipulated his mom into indirect suicide) probably used his kindness against him to make him believe that by murdering ppl he is helping them, framing all of his serial kills as a sort of mercy kill (like his mom). so the thing that aesop takes away from all this is the very twisted logic that by killing ppl he is helping them, therefore being a good embalmer and a good person in general. n everyone wants to be a sort of good person, or at least for aesop that is part of his job description to be a good embalmer. n we all know aesop is very serious about his job.

i also hc that he has killed several ppl between killing jerry n coming to the manor, cos i follow the story that he took the invitation from that poor lady n thats how he ended up at the manor. surely the lady didnt come to him right after jerry died?? but anyway, the way i see it is that he thought he liked to kill. like he finally truly understood why jerry kills so much (which is interesting now that i think about it. guy really just went along with all those murders without truly believing huh), because it felt good to kill. at least thats what he thought, the revelation that killing felt good n is good, but i say its because he hated jerry, n offing someone u kinda hate should probably feel pretty gucci. n its also so much easier to pick clients off the streets than in the manor, so i would think that he has killed ppl like his mentor did, but each time he did the great feeling that came with ending ppls life just. wasnt as good as the first time round. it just became a sort of normal satisfaction of a successful embalming.

this can go two ways: 1. he keeps on killing to try to find that great feeling again, which is cool i guess (n probably what canon would want, except canon states that he hasnt killed since jerry), but id like to go with 2. he just stops because jerry isnt around to enforce it whenever he isnt feeling up to psychoing someone to their death (which is probably how jerry got his victims, n damn if that doesnt take a lot of mind games that i dont think aesop has the mental capacity for since half of it is fighting with his social anxiety n other issues. dealing with alive strangers?? no thanks?? i doubt he would have learnt properly how to lure in clients as efficiently as jerry because of this, mostly cos he was only needed for the murder afterparty aka embalming n funerals). n as much as he stays professional, there is no. professional way of gaslighting someone to their death.

(n also since ppl have pointed out that his twitter replies n other kinda informal stuff have shown that aesop does have reverent respect for life, which also adds to him not being so blindly bloodthirsty as implied in the letter. i dont really see the twitter replies as very canon, but it does make sense that he would come to revere life with his unique take and obsession over death, for one cannot exist without the other)

so this leads me to the motive that aesop brings to the manor, at least how i see it. he isnt exactly coming to the manor to kill per se (like from the very early story, he came to the manor to return the letter to a relative of the deceased lady, something about respecting her last wishes. something like that, its really been a while since i saw that exerpt), so like killing ppl isnt his main purpose of visit. its more of hes always on the lookout for weaker (or at least those that take less mind games to kill) people to mercy kill, n it just so happens that he knows the manor n his mentor almost died from there, so theres a pretty good chance he can find some ppl that fall into this category n so it just so happens that he also has a job to do there. its still counted as a Job for him since no ones gonna tell him that embalmers dont actually. murder. 

so in my version, aesop only tries to sway ppl that he knows he can convince, n these ppl would typically be those very sickly ones like his mom (andrew im looking at u) or those with an actual death wish/ very weak will to live. but here aesop is choosing his “first victim”, and the criteria for that is... quiet? never mind “not evading him” and “not cranky” being on the list too, but that isnt quite what i was expecting from someone so dedicated to their duty of murder. sure he wants an easy first kill, but like. i dont think its consistent if his motive was really to continue jerrys bastard legacy. especially when the next paragraph is essentially him gushing over victor, that... sort of implies something else. or at least in the way i see it, since i believe that canon wants us to think that aesop just really loves to kill.

aesop likes victor. very much so. so much till he wants to kill him. which i guess makes sense cos he likes death, n now he likes victor. so he just. puts the two things he likes together. whats better than victor? dead victor. anyway the rest of the letter is more like “whatever, i technically should kill the others too but my priority is victor” so like. he confuses his (dare i say) yandere tendencies with his duty since the end goal for both is a body in a coffin.

having said that. i know i have aesvic brainrot but i also know this is one sided as hell (at least from the letter alone, not counting the letter shaped cookies in his birthday art that apparently belonged to victors birthday cake aha) n lowkey alarming since. the goal is to kill victor. i kinda want to interpret it as him genuinely wanting to be friends with victor (really wanting him to be a “silent friend”, maybe cos he doesnt actually know how to be friends with living ppl n is better with dead ones? therefore victor should be dead to be friends?) but not knowing how to n throwing in his obsession with death ends up with. this minor disaster waiting to happen. but i uh. dont know if this is valid. its valid to me at least, with my original interpretation of aesop. n again cos of his ingrained professionalism, he also kinda sees this as part of his job to send ppl off, so its another plus. not for victor, tho.

idk if ill add this yandere side in my aesop. i mean my boi has technically tried to kill victor multiple times in the past HAHAHAHA. maybe like sometimes he can be a bit obsessive. as a treat. but generally nah cos thats definitely gonna end up in a murder somewhere somehow n i cant. just kill victors here on the ask blog scene lashjflkjhdlfkjhas

so yeah that kinda takes care of the last part of the letter, as for the first part. as much as aesop hates jerry, i would also think hes pretty starved for affirmation (like i said jerry isnt going to be a good parent figure ever) n i guess it makes sense if the only times jerry has ever complimented him was aiding him in his kills n hiding the evidence, which might (?) add to his desire to kill (but that probably dies with jerry aha). so the way i see it as aesop is getting affirmation n takes it as a good sign instead of. remotely liking jerry. idk if im stretching it a little but i really dont like the take where hes okay with jerry. anyway we are ignoring that he hasnt killed before entering the manor cos that doesnt quite make sense to me (i wasnt dreaming about the letter from a lady stabbed in the face 36 times or so right???? right???????)

im also not like. trying to defend him, im just trying to make sense of his diary. boi has issues n is a little too far gone (not as far as canon tho), in my take very deluded in his way of showing kindness. literally cool motive still murder (or in canon, just murder?), please get therapy. but i just dont really like the direction that the letter was originally trying to imply, with him really just hell bent on murder without like. a clear motive (at least to me it isnt very clear since the last part really doesnt sound consistent with his supposed intentions). i mean i love being edgy with aesop every now n then but i dont think it would make for meaningful characterizations in the long run so. ill still be sticking with my original take on aesop with maybe a bit of yandere for victor cos thats always fun

[jeagerism]

i think im lost again

+ word count : honestly idek, ill take a guess at maybe nearly 700-800?

+ characters : levi ackerman, armin arlert, mentions of eruri and eremin (armin and levi r not shipped fuck out of here)

+ warnings : season 3 attack on titan spoilers, mentions of death, modern!au, levi is basically a dad without being a dad (does that make him a dilf??), angst i suppose

+ summary : erwin was always good at this, levi thinks. people stuck to him like glue.

+ author's note : this is just a personal modern!au headcanon that i ranted to a friend abt and decided to make it full out

in modern aus i see eren as looking up to levi, bc he ooks up to him in the manga in some ways, levi cares abt his wellbeing n shit

well armin, since he was chosen to live over erwin, he'd look up to erwin in a modern au

and when erwin dies in that au bc ofc he has to die, armin is still a teenager.

i like to think that they all lived in the same town as kids, and erwin always looked out for armin since he had no one else other than his friends. 

he basically lets armin live with him when he's not with eren, who also has no family and sort of couch surfs between jean and sasha - sasha's dad loves eren for whatever reason so he stays there a lot, and welcomes armin and mikasa with him - and so erwin and armin r close

and levi is always around, so he sees armin a lot, even if he takes care of eren more - he lets eren stay at is house on nights when he feels like hes overstayed his welcome at sasha’s.

but levi still cares abt armin bc he sees how erwin cares abt armin and levi is in love with the blond facebook dad

but erwin died when armin is like 15, so he still needs someone to look out for him

and erwin asks levi to do that, bc he trusts him and knows levi would take care of him just like he had  

anyways, he asks levi to take care of him and levi does

but armin is a 15 yr old who just lost yet another person who cares abt him 

and even tho hes grateful that levi cares for him, he misses erwin so much. 

he acts out bc of it bc hes a kid going through trauma and its what kids do. he starts acting even worse than eren and eren is a fucking demon spawn

armin and eren share a room, even tho levi had two empty rooms so they could have their own, and eren has stuff in the other room but armin doesn’t like the dark so eren stays there with him.

and levi isn’t really good at taking care of kids in the traditional way. 

he wakes them up every weekday for school by telling them he'll kick their ass if he has to take them himself - but he'll still drive them when it rains or its cold  

he doesnt really know how to cook bc erwin always did that, but his notes app is full of recipes erwin always recommended that were easy to follow bc he was always worried that levi always ate too much cold leftovers from days before and noodles

armin knows hot to cook pretty well bc erwin taught him but he enjoys laughing at levi failing at cooking simple shit - he burned water somehow

but levi still tries so its fine

he tries letting armin know hes welcome, and that he can ask for whatever he needs

he'll leave him lunch money on the counter

and when he notices armins jackets getting a little too short around the wrist he drops a new one by his lap when he sits on the couch

he pulls the blanket all the way to his chin if he falls asleep on the couch.

he'll mention he's going to get a haircut when he notices armin's hair getting longer, and says he can go with him if he wants

but armin still acts so off. 

before erwin was gone, armin always acted happy, even though he never had much, and levi feels guilty knowing he cant do what erwin did for him, but he's doing this for erwin, and knows erwin wouldnt have put armin in his care in the first place if he didn’t trust him

i see taking care of armin as the task that keeps levi going, just like how killing zeke is what keeps him alive in the anime.

both promises he makes to erwin and wont give up on until he’s fulfilled it

but one day armin just disappears. he doesnt come back after school with eren like usual. so he and levi try calling him and get nothing. eren offers to go look for him and levi tells him to stay safe n waits back home to see if armin will show up there

and he does like 5 mins after eren leaves. 

and levi feels his chest just deflate with relief. it was cold outside, and armin was out there alone. 

his cheeks and nose r red from being outside for so long

when levi asks where he's been, it comes out harsher than he meant, but its just bc he was worried, and armin rolls his eyes and asks why it matters

levi tells him its bc he's a kid and doesnt get to just disappear without a trace whenever he wants. levi never minded armin doing whatever he wanted - within regulation - but most times he knew eren was with him, or mikasa, someone who would call him if something happened

and armin says “you're not my father.” and starts taking off his jacket and stuff

“yeah, but i am the person who's taking care of your ass.”

and that seems to make armin a little more ticked off than he already was, bc he turns to levi and says, “well i never asked you to do that.”

to which levi replies without thinking, “no but erwin did”

levi and armin never talk abt erwin, ever.

its like an unspoken rule between them. its not that they arent as comfortable with each other - they arent anyways but - they just dont do that, talk abt how they feel abt erwin, and him being gone

armin looks like hes gonna cry before he just says “well i wish it was erwin that was still here instead of you”

ALMOST AS IF HES SAYING HE WISHED IT WAS LEVI THAT DIED INSTEADDD

and levi is suprised that armin would ever, it hurts a little, and he just nods in agreement and says “me too.”

armin doesnt say anything back to it, he just turns and makes his way to his room, slamming the door behind him

and levi is exhausted. in his head he wonders how erwin had done it - balanced college and a job and a fucking teenager 

but then he remembers that erwin was erwin, and hed always been good at that type of thing

people stuck to him like glue

thats the first night he lets himself admit that he misses him

he feels like he’s failing at the one thing erwin asked of him

when eren shows back up, levi apologizes for not letting him know that armin had came back

but eren just tells him that armin had texted him when he’d arrived - i have a hc that eren and armin were each others first crushes but uhebdbsi

he tells levi that armin had said hed went to the beach

erwin used to take armin to the beach all the time before he died

he’d collect shells with him, and the ones that armin really liked, he’d give them names

he still has one called smith from the last time erwin had taken him to see the ocean

a few weeks go by after that

they never really talked before, but now it seems almost even worse

the silence that they normally exist in feels empty

but everything felt empty without erwin

eren lets levi know where theyre going to be whenever theyre not home, when theyll be home, etc

levi never asked for him to do that, but he does it anyways

levi’s thankful for the near suicidal maniac at that point

even though he always was

he saw a lot of himself in eren, and he sees a lot of himself in armin too

levi and armin never really apologize to each other, but one night when levi’s attempting to cook, armin walks in the kitchen and watches him place things on a pan

“you’re putting them too close together.”

armin steps beside him and tilts his head to the side, as if hes gesturing for levi to move

and he does, letting the younger and taller boy move the prerolled croissants further away from each other on the baking tray

“they never wouldve cooked all the way through like that,” armin tells him

with a scoff, levi mumbles that he sounds like erwin

armin pauses for a second, before sliding the pan in the oven. levi tells him how long the packaging said they went on so that he can set the oven timer

armin sets it for two minutes longer, and levi’s heart aches

erwin did that, too

“i miss him”

it slips out without him meaning for it to

and he thinks he’s ruined armin’s head again, when he’s supposed to be someone this kid can look up to

but he doesnt leave

armin just leans against the oven and nods “me, too”

after that, things arent bad anymore

sure, it takes awhile for them to completely warm up to each other, but they manage

enough that armin sits in on levi’s cooking sessions just to point out what hes doing wrong - something that helps, bc pretty soon levi is learning

he cooks him, armin, and eren an entire meal without burning anything

eren laughs when armin tells him that the man had forgotten to grab an oven mit and had stuck his entire hand in the oven to grab a pan

levi raises his eyebrow when he notices the way armin blushes at eren’s laugh, of all things

and they talk abt erwin more

they have more to say about him that eren, and its just something the two of them share, so they tend to save it for little moments, tiny snippets of things that remind them of the blond

after about a year, things are good

armin asks to have his 17th birthday at the beach, and who would levi be to say no

levi doesnt particularly like the beach, he detests sand, but its for armin, so he’ll do it

its for his kid

him and erwins kid

at the party, he finds a smile coming to his face when he sees armin actually laughing and having fun

kid had been through too much hell at 17, so he deserved to be happy, even if it was only for a few moments

on their way home that evening, eren and armin passed out from a day of swimming and running on the beach - levi made the both of them bring extra towels to save his car seats from salt water and sand

eren’s head is on armin’s shoulder, and the blond’s is resting atop eren’s head

when they get home, the two of them trudge towards their room, but armin turns and holds his closed fist out to levi

with a raised eyebrow, levi holds his hand out and lets armin drop something into his hand, before the boy pivots and continues his shuffle to his and eren’s shared room

levi glances down at the object in his hand

its a shell

armin names it erwin

[lilikags]

MAY I PLS HAVE A HQ MATCHUP !!~ idk what info u want so imma just dump every thing i can think of rnᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

ok appearance-wise,,, im short;-; 156cm.. i have long black hair thats neither straight nor curly. just somewhat wavy? and im not skinny just mildy chubby. brown eyes brown-ish skin. braces !! but its hard to tell cuz i still talk normally with it(wait idk if uve seen me before.. i think u mightve.. nvm moving on)

my type or preferences in a partner is basically just TALL. i want someone rlly rlly tall. id also prefer it if theyre someone i can easily talk to/have witty banter with. i think im bi? but with a preference for guys:)

next just random stuff bout me i guess: um my friends describe me as smart and lazy. my younger brother and sister both say im the most stupid person in the world (but i get better grades than then so hAH) id say,,, im a curious person, also pretty bold cuz idgaf bout what others say. im social but like to keep to myself if yk what i mean. an ambivert basically.

at school tho,, apparently i give off a “cold, scary” vibe. idk why but thats what ppl keep telling me. bUt im rlly nice (i think) and ill talk to u if u talk to me,,, stuff like that basically.

also the lazy part is true. procrastination isnt a hobby, its my lifestyle. but i manage¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i like sleep and food. um i really dont like fish (on a plate or in the ocean) i dont wear jewelry. i am a huge perfectionist, love to organize stuff but i have the laziness which is why i barely ever finish anything skdnksd. uh i love getting into debates (about anything rlly) i dont rlly get angry or mad more just pissed off,, and that wears off pretty fast too. i like drinking room temperature milo and eating soft cookies without chocolate chips cuz j dont rlly like chocolate bUT I LOVE ELEPHANTS i have like a pile of stuffed animals next to my bed in which half are elephants so yeaaahhhh

ohhHH i play volleyball too !! and am the setter for the girls team at skl.

also i think i ended up saying a lot so hope u enjoy reading this compilation of random little things about me:D

Matchups for Haikyuu, Genshin Impact, and Epic Seven are always open!

My 200 event is going on! Find the details here.

He teases you about your height to no end. It’s an every day thing and it’s honestly a lifestyle at this point. You mind but you don’t really mind and this is how the daily “banter” starts. 

Dates are often at either your house or his, and one of the things he surprisingly likes to do is playing with your hair. You’d be watching a movie and he’s be behind you and playing with your hair. He wasn’t bad at doing hair and the hairstyles were actually pretty cute. He loves how it’s long so that he could try out all sorts of styles on it.

People kind of thought that Tsukishima would get an equally tall partner but they were WRONG. Honestly, when they saw you and found out about the two of you, they felt that Tsukishima was more “human” than he seemed. 

The way that you can’t eat certain things while you have braces- he teases you about it. He’ll buy gum and chew it just to flex that he can and you can’t. (please, i couldn’t eat tootsie rolls while i had my braces ,<//3) 

When you tell your friends that your type is tall, they instantly wanted you to hook up with Tsukishima. He’s the first person that everyone thinks of when they hear “tall”. They thought it would be quite the impossible task, even for you, but you were able to pull it off and it was so worth. 

The witty comments don’t stop. It’s one after another and it doesn’t end until either of you have nothing left to counter the last. That’s honestly like 70% of your conversation but it’s how the two of you communicate.

Whenever you’re at his house doing homework, you’re half not paying attention to it while he’s trying to get everything right, and you love teasing him about not getting a certain problem. Partly because you want to tease him but also like you’re too lazy to actually give him the answer or walk him through how to get the answer.

He is so jealous of how you’re so smart, but he literally won’t show it. Well, he will, but he’ll deny it and say that he’s pissed off at how you’re “bragging in his face about it”.

Tsukishima loves saying how “your siblings are so much better than you” but the two of you know that he values you more.

He knows that you don’t like jewelry so he’ll buy you cheap jewelry as a prank for your birthday then actually leave you something you really wanted.

Spontaneous fights but they die down quickly

He teases you for the room-temperature milo, definitely.

The two of you play volleyball often in the backyard. You’d practice combos a lot and you being a setter and Tsukishima being a middle blocker is perfect. 

[jenna-jayde-the-renagade]

So my life has gone to shit.. I dont trust anybody anymore, and honest to god I cant help but keep thinking of ways to end it. My mom keeps telling me how to feel about this whole thing, that I should be grateful that i got in finally to see a specialist. Reality is I dont even trust those subhuman animals anymore, and frankly they're gonna have to earn my trust. After 4 fucking years, my life, my future being ruined. My mental health going downhill, all for the second time now. Add on to that, I dont get any meds for the pain so this has pushed me into addiction now for a second time. I've been dehumanized and humiliated, treated with nothing but the utmost disrespect while being stigmatized for being mentally ill, transgender and a recovering addict for most of it. They ignored me for 4 years, my body is damaged, and frankly help just might have came too little too late. I wont just suffer through the next one, the next time this happens I'm gonna end my life, my suffering on my own god damn terms. Atleast I still have control over that..

Fuck the canadian healthcare system. Some days I honestly just want to start selling drugs, and fly to a country where I can just pay to play and get the best care in the god damn world. Cause 4 years now I've been telling them to refer me to a specialist, I've been telling them that it's probably crohns or some other GI issue. They need to do a colonoscopy and a scope to find it, so that's what I would ask for. I would never get it, so i more or less gave up on the healthcare system. They would leave me on the floor thrashing in pain for hours. Treating me like a drug addict in withdrawal when I didnt even have any opioids in my system. I would be lucky if I got an IV for fluids, and even more lucky if they pumped me full of a bunch of over the counter drugs and others that didnt work like gravol, tauridol, buscopan, zofran, and haliperidol. I would tell them each time, that this was the hundredth time they tried gravol, and it doesnt help people when they're screaming in pain. They treat the nausea. Its bullshit because I am in so much pain that its making me nauseous and until they get rid of the pain, the vomiting is just gonna continue. They always treat me like I'm full of shit, and when I turn out to be right and continue puking, thrashing and screaming in pain, they just get angry at the fact they were wrong. Our doctors and nurses are a bunch of sociopathic, apathetic adult children who in my experience take pleasure in watching you suffer. The worse I get the more they smile. They are so stupid, blind almost because if their stupid fucking machine says I'm ok then I guess it's all in my head. They only think that theres nothing wrong with me because theyve only ever done a blood test or an xray. Never ever once have they done a single test that would have found the issue, crohns cant be found just on a blood test. The emergency room doctors think it can be, my family doctor and everybody else I've talked to says otherwise.

On January 1st I was having another flare up, and they shoved me in the psych observation room because they genuinely didnt want to deal with me. They ignore me, and I keep going in because I want help. I dont want to end up relapsing again cause I cant take the god damn pain! But nope, I get treated like a crazy person now.. they did it against my will. And they even tried to take my phone and my keys. I was puking constantly, I needed water to keep hydrated and they left me for 4 hours, locked in, no meds, no help or nothing. So I just cracked.. I had nothing to barf in, to wipe my nose with, or to wipe the cold sweat off me. So I puked in every corner of that room, I puked beside the bed especially because a mop wouldnt fit in there. I pissed in the corner, I would hack up some phlegm and spit it all over the floors and walls, I blew snot rockets on every surface too! After a while some nurse came in and gave me a barf bag. I threw it on the floor and just continued to puke over every hard surface in the place. I was puking every 5 seconds I swear, and the doctor finally came in at 3 hours and 15 minutes. At 3.5 hrs they give me two pills. I straight up tell them there is no point in even taking them. I couldnt even keep water down and these people are stupid enough to make me take pills? Come on. You need to hold it in for atleast an hour to see even the most minimal affects. I was puking every 5 seconds, to the point that I puked before I took the pills, and I puked them out the moment after I swallowed. They had given me a fucking gravol tab, and some Ativan, the latter of which I couldnt even hold under my tongue long enough. I barfed it onto the floor when it was half dissolved. They come back with this clear liquid shit in a shot glass. I swallowed it right after I puked. The liquid burned my insides, and i puked that shit out even quicker. I asked them to give me IV medications for that exact reason, I always ask for IV medications cause its literally a waste of your time and mine to just pump me full of pills when I can't keep them down and they hurt my tummy as they dissolve. They tell me to just "breathe deeply and relax" and to "just try jayden, you gotta try", so then I try, and when they end up being wrong, and I can't take shit. They end up saying that I'm manipulating, that I'm drug seeking or I'm not trying hard enough to make it work. Absolute bullshit, over the course of 4 years I have quite literally told them what to do. I have multiple family members with this disease, and my grandmother was ignored like this too. She told me to ask them for a colonoscopy and a scope, and to ask them to treat the pain, not the nausea cause the pain literally causes the nausea. The sooner the pain is gone the sooner I can be normal and tell them what's going on. Instead I'm left to suffer in the worst pain a human being can feel. I get treated like shit and told it's all in my head. I gave up on getting a diagnosis in year two. I just want to shoot dope whenever the pain comes. Dope atleast takes it away, after all they would be giving me some of the strongest shit they have at the hospital if I was some boomer with a sprained ankle. It would take the pain away. Thats for sure. Being a mentally ill, drug using, autistic tranny they just see that. I get nothing. No help, no answers, not even some relief when my screaming can be heard far and wide.

I want to die right now, and I keep trying to think of a painless way to do it.. buying $400 worth of street fentanyl and slipping into a nice, peaceful opioid coma seems like a wonderful idea right now.. that would end the fucking suffering atleast..

I wont be wearing a colostomy bag. Colostomy bags arent sexy, they are fucking disgusting and you cant just be body positive when you have a fucking bag full of your own shit hanging off you, and your only way of having penetrative sex sewed up permanently and taken away from me. Not like I could even be a decent fuck for anybody at this point anyways. Its painful to shit, let alone anything else. I dont want to give up food either. I love food, food is literally my life and the only way I have to bond with certain people! Like my family for example. Nothing makes me just want to slip.into that coma more then the worry of the future.

Will I be sitting at a family gathering eating bland gluten free, dairy free, all organic 100% vegan fair trade horse shit on a plate while my family actually gets to enjoy the food I used to be able to eat? Moms spaghetti, grandmas meat pies, the baked goods, fresh tomatoes out of my garden and others. A good fucking steak even? Cause honestly a birthday isnt a birthday if I dont have my birthday meal.

I know for a fact my body is damaged from 4 years of suffering. I used to bounce back, now it takes the wind out of my sails for a month.

Needless to say, I just want to fucking die more then anything else. Positivity and anything I love is gone, and all that I have left is knowing that Alberta health services, coast mountain health services, providence health services, and interior health services have all fucked me in the biggest way humanely possible. So thankful for free fucking healthcare!!

You get what you bloody well pay for!!

[dorkzilla-exe]

Zim, Dib, and Seven Smeets

A ZaDr series: Ep 1, Hatching Day

Dib: Zim, will you come down.

Zim: *sitting on top of the fridge* DO NOT DISTURB ME WHILE I'M IN MY PANIC SPOT!

Dib: Im just-

Zim: *crying* DIBBERSON, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, I'LL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE!

Dib: you said that an hour ago, I've got everything set up for the celebration, so at least be down before 3, ok?

Zim: wait, you did the decorating? You did EVERYTHING?! ON YOUR OWN?!

Dib: *smiles sinisterly* yes, yes I did, all on my own, probably made some mistakes in color arrangement-

Zim: LET ME SEE! YOU BETTER NOT HAVE MESSED ANYTHING UP!! *jumps down from the fridge and scurries into the living room*

Dib: works every time...

Zim: Dib, you didn't actually mess any of the decorations!?

Dib: I studied hard when you were decorating for Gaz's birthday, so I applied your decoration tactics to this room and... well... ta-daa!

Zim: you really are amazing, Dib. You know that, right?

Dib: I got the hint the day you gave me a ring-pop and asked for my hand in marriage.

Zim: I swear I didn't know it was candy, the person who sold it to me said it was worth 5,000$ and would sell it to me for 4,900...

Dib: I really didn't care about being proposed to with a candy ring, a ring is a ring to me, wether it's candy or not. Although, it is very concerning how someone managed to sell you a ring-pop for that much.

Zim: don't remind me...

Dib: would you believe me when I say I still have it?

Zim: no, I actually wouldn't.

Dib: well I do, I had it dipped in resin so it wouldn't deteriorate.

Zim: wow, how have I not noticed it?

Dib: remember that box I where keep stuff like pendants and pins? That's where the ring is.

Zim: that's sweet.

Dib: wait a minute, I just remembered we've got one more thing to do...

Zim: The Smeet's play-pen! We've gotta decorate that! Get the streamers! I've got some decorating to do!

[About an hour later]

Dib: alright, living room decorated, snacks and cake ready, little gift bags customized for every guest, flowers and other table decorations, and Zim's in the play-pen with the eggs. We are ready for the guests to arrive and it isn't even-

[Knocking from the front door]

Dib: right on cue, must be dad cause he's been early to ever other party. *answers the door* hey- uh...

Tallest Red: hello there, you must be Dib

Tallest Purple: How has Zim been? We haven't heard too much from him since he layed the eggs.

Dib: uhhhh... Hi I'm Dib Membrane, Zim's husband. Zim's been doing wonderfully, aside from the random anxiety attacks and his weekends of depression. Please come in! We have plenty of Irken friendly food and drinks ready, but remember to save some for the other guests. You two apparently aren't the only alien guests on our list.

Tallest Red: Thank you Mr. Membrane, we appreciate your hospitality. *enters with Tallest Purple*

Zim: My Tallest! I didn't expect you to be here until 10 minutes later.

Tallest Purple: see, I told you we were too early!

Tallest Red: EUGH, we could've brought the little ones Paks...

Dib: actually, we already thought of that. My Dad works at Membrane labs and designed him "Membrane Paks". They are designed to make it easier for them to identify us in a crowd, immediately begin healing if injured, ward off any diseases and illnesses, higher pain tolerance, and give them a longer life.

Zim: the only major differences are the Designs and application process. Instead of implanting electonics in abruptly, we will apply them more delicately, carefully and less painfully.

Tallest Red: hmm, I see, it would also be much easier to identify them if they ever decided to work for the Irken Empire.

Zim: i mean, you're not wrong. But I also invited here to ask for permission to retire.

Tallest Purple: retire?

Tallest Red: eumm... sure? Why not?

[1 hour later]

Dib: Dad, Gaz, the tallest, Skoodge, Tak, Tenn, Keef, Z, Zita, Clembrane, Prisinor 777 and his kids.

Dib: that seems to be about everyone, all we're missing are-

Anne: *annoyingly beating on Dib's Door* DIBDIBDIBDIBDIBDIBDIBDIBDIB!

Dib: Anne and Flish...

Dib: *opens the door, making Anne fall into the house*

Anne: Crikey, you've grown! You're 'bout as tall as Flishey now!

Flish: howdy, Dib. Sorry we couldn't make it to yer wedding last year.

Dib: it's ok, come on in you two.

Tallest Purple: oh yeah... we banished HER here too...

Tallest Red: I feel like Zim isn't our biggest concern anymore.

Anne: My Tallest! It's been YEARS! how've ya been!

Tallest Purple: good~

Anne: *gasp* OH MY GOSH! The eggs! Aw, they're absolutely precious! Zim, you oughta call yourself lucky! 'Lotta Irkens can't lay eggs y'know.

Zim: eheh, I know. Which is why I didn't fully expect it.

Dib: you should've seen him, he cried his eyes out the whole time and more.

Flish: Heha! sounds like Zim a'right. But don'cha get all concerned and stuff. It's completely normal to cry during egg laying. Er, from what I've heard at least.

Dib: it's official, everyone's here.

Tallest Purple: great!... Now what?

Dib: Um, we talk.

Tallest Purple: sounds boring.

Gaz: I have Videogames.

Tallest Purple: Ooo, sounds intriguing! What do you do?

Professor Membrane: son, may I speak with you for a moment?

Dib: sure.

Professor Membrane: let's go into the other room, ok.

Dib: *nods and walks into the bedroom*

Professor Membrane: something is wrong and I can tell.

Dib: *walks over to the bad, grabs a pillow, and screams in it*

Professor Membrane: I know your stressed, but everything will be just fine. I'm sure you and Zim will be great-

Dib: But what if we arent?! I work weekends at a coffee shop and Zim works at a clothing store in a mall. We can't provide for SEVEN babies! It took a lot of saving to get this party set up! I rarely get any tips and the one tip I got last weekend was from Gaz and it was a penny.

Professor Membrane: Ok, now that's just sad.

Dib: I don't know what to do! It's hard for me to get a different job, a barista was the closest I could do because I apparently make really good lattes. *sob*

Professor Membrane: have you ever considered working with me in the labs? You already know everyone there and know the place well. Plus, I could adjust your schedule so you don't have to come every day and you get paid just for being there.

Dib: you'd do that for me?

Professor Membrane: of course! You really do need the money, I could have you work as a lab assistant, but that's a little dangerous. I could put you in the mailing room? Or-

Dib: what about food service? I can cook, I can make coffee, tea, and plenty of different desserts.

Professor Membrane: that's a wonderful idea! I could make you work down at the cafeteria so your talent isn't wasted on Lattes!

Dib: Consider me hired! Ill be there tomorrow evening-

Professor Membrane: no no, you should stay home for a few days.

Dib: but dad, I-

Professor Membrane: Dibberson, I know you want to help out as soon as you can, but right now, Zim and your children need you here. Besides, it's hard to bond with a child while you're away, right?

Dib: I guess it is.

Anne: *Bursts through the door* Dib! It's about to happen! One of the eggs moved!

Dib: bwha?! Already?! I didn't think it would be this early! *runs to the living room*

Zim: Dib! There you are! Hurry over here, you don't want to miss this!

Dib: *looks over the pen* which one moved?

Zim: This one right here. *puts egg in lap*

Dib: When will they-

Zim: any moment now...

Dib: *puts hand on egg, feeling for any movement*

Zim: Dib, can I admit something before they hatch?

Dib: go ahead.

Zim: I knew about the eggs since the first day they began developing.

Dib: wanna know something? The 4 months before I helped you with the eggs, I was suspicious that you might've been pregnant. I was kinda right.

Zim: yes, yes you were. AH! DIB, IT'S HATCHING!

Dib: *removes hand, watching both the eggs hatch and his family grow before his eyes*

Zim: thank you, Dib

Dib: hm?

Zim: thank you for everything. I'll love you forever and on.

Dib: *pure panic* wait, you dont die after the eggs hatch, do you?

Zim: No, no I don't, but I'll love you longer than you'll ever know. And that's a promise.

From then and on, Zib and Dib lived a happy and eventful life with 7 beautiful Human-Irken Smeets.

The End

Zim: Or is it?

Dib: Not really, but for now, yes.

[druggedupdog]

major tw sorry. this is pretty graphic and long. please like if you read.

chris had it all planned out the moment he started talking to me. i was eleven. it was after school, i was trying to walk home and these kids from my class kept fucking trying to follow me and rile me up because it was apparently funny watching an obviously mentally ill child have a breakdown. and chris just. appears out of nowhere and tells the kids to fuck off and they leave and i INSTANTLY want to be his friend because HOLY SHIT someone actually defended me and i was just so desperate for company and honestly at the time i was already planning to kill myself. and i just. i just tell him everything. that same day, the same day i met this complete stranger, i just start spilling my life story. my dad's an asshole and beats me, my brothers think my pain is funny, no one likes me at school and thinks i'm weird, my mom's fucking dead, i live in a moldy delapidated house with little food because my family is fucking poor, i hate church and i hate school and homework and i just want to get away from my stupid town or die. etc etc etc. and he listens and says he's gonna protect me and stupid fucking me believed him. i set myself up, i don't even know if he knew about all this prior because i thought maybe he stalked me but no i told him everything about my shitty life and he used it for his advantage.

two years later he says i'm old enough to date him. but honestly prior to that it had been maybe a month of me knowing him and he was hugging me a bit too long, smelling my hair and clothes, touching me in suggestive ways, calling me baby names and other nicknames, always talking about how hot i was and how he couldn't wait until i was older and he could fuck me. but what the fuck did i do? absolutely nothing. because i grew up in a sheltered mormon home and didn't know jack shit about sex or love or anything. i just loved the attention he gave me because fuck at least it was "positive" and i felt like such a rebel when he would buy me things i wasn't supposed to have like alcohol and cigarettes and any illegal street drug you can think of. he very easily manipulated me and i fell so fucking hard for it because i have shit for brains. anyway the literal day i turned 13 he basically pushes on me that we're dating now and i was just like "lol haha okay! whatever you say! please don't leave me!" and after school he took me to his "parent's house" while they were "on vacation" because he was very obviously 16 and definitely not lying about it. then he took me to his bedroom, told me we'd play some video games for a while, gave me some alcohol and i got drunk as shit. he kept saying some nonsense about like... how i looked really warm from the booze and i should take my clothes off to be more comfortable. i don't remember it that well. i think i did it really half-assed and he ended up taking my clothes off for me and then he started cuddling with me and touching my dick and i kept trying to push him away but i was too fucking drunk to really do anything and i just. i just kept saying stop. stop please. please please please. and he kept going until he turned me over, pushed my face into the mattress and penetrated me. it hurt so fucking bad and i tried screaming but nothing came out. i started crying and he told me that everything was okay. it was supposed to hurt. i was supposed to be scared. and i still believed him even though every part of me found it hard to believe. i black out from the alcohol and the fear. the next day i'm awake in his bed, covered in his cum, trying to process what the fuck just happened and i'm freaking out but i don't know why because chris loves me and said it was okay so why do i feel like this. why. he made me breakfast and i throw it up when i get to my dad's and he screams at me for being sick and missing school and he asks me where i was and i don't say anything and he beats me. so i go back to chris's house that night to get away and this time chris has heroin for me instead of booze and he rapes me after i shoot up and start nodding off. i find out chris is 19 after looking in his wallet for spare money while he's asleep after getting off. i go back to my dad's house because i'm uncomfortable and i get beat by my dad again. and then i go back to chris's and get raped again. back to my dad's and get beat again. back to chris's and get raped again. the cycle repeats again and again and again. until i'm 16 and my brothers snitch to my dad that i like men and i have a boyfriend and my dad beats the shit out of me, raids my room while my brothers hold me down and force me to watch as he finds candid photos chris took of me nude and getting violated by him as well as all the heroin and other drugs and paraphernalia i had stashed and hidden in my room. he beats the shit out of me AGAIN and starts throwing all of my shit out of my bedroom window and when i run out to grab it all he locks the door behind me and doesn't let me back in. so i go back to chris's house and beg him to let me live with him and he obviously agrees.

so then i get raped for even more months but at this point i'm just conditioned to accept it no matter how much i hate it. then chris starts yelling at me for trivial things. then he threatens me. then he starts hitting me. then he locks me in the moldy spare bedroom with only a dirty old mattress in it whenever we disagree over shit and starves me for days. at this point i'm very deep in my heroin addiction, so he forces me into withdrawal whenever i'm locked up and i am in so much physical anguish. he only comes in to give me my fix and rape me. sometimes he only rapes me and i feel and remember everything so i actually scream during these times and he shoves his fingers in my mouth to shut me up and if i bite down he slaps me. this goes on for two fucking years. but i stay because i need the drugs and i need the love and attention and he really does love me he's just going through a phase he'll apologize and see what he's doing eventually i still see glimpses of it sometimes when he lets me out of the room and cuddles and kisses me and calls me his cute little boy. but then as i approach my 18th birthday i find out he's molesting another 13 year old. i dont do anything. when i'm 18 he tells me he's had enough of my shit and kicks me out. i beg and plead for him to let me stay. i promise him i'll do anything for him i'll let him rape me nonstop all day or murder me if that's what he wants to do. i tell him i love him so much we're meant to be together i want to marry him i want to spend the rest of my life with him and get high all day with him. he tells me he doesn't care. i'm useless to him now because i'm an adult. i'm a pathetic junkie and i was just an experiment because he had a fetish he really wanted to test out and i seemed like a good target. he's already found another child to lust over and torture the same way he did to me.

this post is long and i basically spilled my life story but i dont care i don't anymore i'm going to kill myself. i quit heroin but i regret it so fucking bad EVEN THOUGH IT REMINDS ME OF HIM ITS THE DRUG HE USED TO HURT ME AND TORTURE ME FOR YEARS AND YEARS I WAS TORTURED INA DIRTY ROOM FOR YEARS USED AS HIS CUM RAG. i can't get over it. i abused heroin because i was in so much pain. i didn't want to handle it all it was just too much. i need it again because the memories just keep coming back every time i lay down and close my eyes. i want it to go away i want the pain gone it hurts. it hurts all the time. i hurt everywhere all the time and i can't process it. why. why did he and my dad leave me so broken like this. wouldn't it have been less effort to just kill me? it would hurt me less, actually. it would have been more humane. i wouldn't have to suffer the memories, the nightmares, the panic attacks, the learned behaviors, the harmful coping mechanisms and self-medication, the mental anguish that manifests as intense physical pain, the nonstop crying and bouts of rage that make everyone around me fear me. i can't be normal anymore. i'm just like this now and i never wanted it and i can't be a useful contribution to society. the last actual job i had i lost because a coworker made a rape joke and i beat him over it. i'm some fucking animal i'm not human anymore. i don't want to be this.

so it's either go back to heroin again and possibly lose ethan over it or kill myself and i guess suffer the consequence of death and hurt ethan. those are the options because i can't do this shit anymore, sorry.

[splendidshinobi]

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 2003 LIVE REACT: EPISODES 6-10

back at it again with the white vans

episode 6: the alchemy exam

alrighty then

um mustang calling edward “ed” is EXTREMELY offputting

ohhhhhhh noooooo not shou tucker

FUCK

im wholly unprepared

them all being in central instead of east is low key jarring like my brain isnt computing it

alexander’s intro is basically the same 

nina bbyyyyy girl u deserved so much better

ed is such a fucking nerd...chemistry club modern au confirmed

god the more tucker talks the more i wanna beat his face in

al pretending to eat by tossing a potato in his armor i-

aww theyre playing in the snow theyre so pure

wonder how long thatll last

“bigger brother” and “little big brother” and ed doesnt even get mad

ed’s birthday party????????

A MELON? ED YOURE SO RUDE

so 03 had ed’s bday instead of elicia’s...CAUSE THEY GOT ELICIA IN THE WOMB

“it’s here!” “the tea?” “the baby!” hughes is a fuck head

ok so now they’re having elicia replace rush valley baby arc

this was winry’s time to shine in fmab i miss her 

if winry isnt here who is gonna birth this baby

oh my god they just realized ed can use alchemy without a circle

no wonder he’s been using circles this whole time

SO ELICIA JUST POPPED OUT????? WHAT

STUFF ALEXANDER IN THE ARMOR AND PRETEND YOURE A TALKING DOG???

“i dont think thats very funny” NO ALPHONSE IT IS NOT

THEY KNEW EXACTLY WHAT THEY WERE DOING WITH THAT ONE I SWEAR TO GOD IN THIS ESSAY I WILL

damn bradley what up homie

im so thrown off by the way theyre doing the exam omg

seriously what the hell is fuhrer bradley’s purpose right now is he even the fuhrer in this i feel like they wouldve mentioned it

oh lord ed is about to impress everyone with his clappy hands

ok so next episode is nina FUCK

episode 7: night of the chimera’s cry

havoc babeeee

im gonna marry him my himbo king

also can RIZA DO SOMETHING PLZ

“huhhhhhhhh nina” ew tucker that was weirdly gross

wonder why

cant do it cant do it

do we think jean kirstein was modeled after jean havoc slightly looks wise

was that purposeful 

ill have to google 

serial killer who only targets women?  it cant be scar...scar drinks respect women juice

barry or slicer bros maybe? um ok

why did we start with liore if they were just gonna hop right back into the past for a huge chunk of episodes idk

assessment day??? oh noodles

AL WHY DID YOU TELL TUCKER TO MAKE ANOTHER TALKING CHIMERA ALPHONSE NO

THE NOISE I EMITTED IM GONNA TAKE A LAP

im gonna FUCKING SCREAM

ed r u writing to winry??? that’s a bit out of character for u good sir

no tucker put that baby down

im gonna fucking SCREAM

aww he burned nina’s picture thats not sus at all

SHESKA!!!!!

wait does the ironblood alchemist know what tucker did to his wife? thats kinda the vibe im getting

SCARRRRRRRR

looking like a pirate too damn

his voice sounds different is that j michael tatum 

apparently not it was dameon clarke in 03 ya learn something new everyday 

ew elicia has a lot of hair for a FUCKING NEWBORN

ed really is such a cynic very suspicious of everyone as he should be really

basque grand knowS SOMETHING

oh jesus oh fuck oh god please do not TOUCH THAT BABY

ed and al snuck back in to the house well u know what its for the best

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

im gonna cry again please god no

FUCKING DIE SHIT HOLE

she’s hurting? oh my god

my sweet angel

ew his eyes!!!!!!! 

tucker is such a fucking failure...like look at the chimera squad and greed’s theatre troupe being the way they are. ugh it really hits how fucking unfair it is 

ed was really about to split them? boy you know better

where is nina going...im hurting

ed really tried to save her in this one

SCAR KILLS NINA IN THE STREETS???????? SIR

thats different

oh snap 

oh FUCK

SCAR WHY DID YOU LEAVE HER BODY LIKE THAT

THE WAY SHE WAS ARRANGED ON THE WALL THAT WAS FUCKED UP

AND THEY FOUND HER LIKE THAT???? AT LEAST IN BROTHERHOOD THEY DIDNT HVE TO SEE HER CORPSE ARE YOU SHITTING ME?

that was fucked.

episode 8: the philosopher’s stone

can yall get ed and al away from nina’s fucking MURAL 

get out of the car mustang

finally jesus christ

roy mustang talking about healthy coping mechanisms dont make me laugh but alright baby boy go off i guess?

im curious about who this goddamn serial killer is though lets turn to that plot thread

r u kidding me

mustang is making ed and al take over tucker’s research?? thats actually wildly messed up

oh tucker was straight executed that’s a choice i guess

tucker and the philosopher’s stone sounds inaccurate but ok

ed please stop being mean to your brother

03 mustang has got me reaching for a fucking baseball bat on GOD

scar and edward having this conversation right now i literally cannot

WINRY yes bitch

BRADLEY WHAT IN TARNATION

JESUS LORRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDD

alphonse shut your mouthhhhhhhhhhh

im so confused what is bradley up to

“alchemists are not cold blooded murderers?”

i mean

kimblee would beg to differ for one

whos this creepy lady 

her voice sounds familiar

barry’s food shop?

the killer is barry ok got it

IS BARRY DISGUISED AS A WOMAN

I KNEW THAT WAS JERRY JEWELL’S VOICE

WELL I KNEW IT SOUNDED FAMILIAR AT LEAST

WINRY GET OUT OF THE FUCKING TRUCk

has PINAKO TAUGHT YOU NOTHING

ok so i VASTLY prefer suit of armor original manga canon barry

this is such an odd plot what in fuck

um OW the meat cleaver

im so confused this fucking plotline

oh hey alphonse nice of you to show up!

is barry still gonna become a suit of armor later on

it makes NO SENSE to introduce him otherwise 

everytime i see 03 mustang i wanna beat his ass HONESTLY

literally i will shove my foot up his ass

fullmetal here we go

ed thinks he’s so punk rock 

oh great scar’s seen the watch

episode 9: be thou for the people

ed you simp buying winry all this stuff my edwin heart is ascending

SIMP SIMP SIMP

“mr. elric”?? you mean MAJOR ELRIC

to be fair though fuck the military

YOUSWELL??? oh LORD

im gonna need to read a full chronology of this show

 alphonse continues to be a precious angel 

where’s my boy yoki!!!!!

edward you idiot don’t go flaunting your money

woof woof ed

al looks so offended by ed saying they just met

whereas in brotherhood didnt he totally throw ed under the bus??? 

a choice to be sure

ah there he is hello yoki

who’s the chick

shes a lesbian

yoki makes me miss my baby girl mei chang

mei where r u

WAS THIS MILITARY DUDE REALLY ABOUT TO CUT DOWN A CHILD??? oh my god

hawkeye getting a promotion yes bby girl

jesus theyre transferring them to east now OKKKKKAY thats not how it happened it the book but ill take it....just doing it the opposite way i guess

who is lyra who is she

cute some military bribery 

umm lyra what the fuck did you do

lyra is a homunculus im callin it now

they definitely invented/changed up some homunculi in fact im certain they did and shes one of em. gotta be

i feel like 03 wrote ed as much more insensitive towards others than he really is...just a vibe im getting

i know he was faking for the townspeople’s sake but i still get this vibe from other instances 

i mean i cant say its not “canon” because its 03 canon

anyways what a show off

i cant believe theyre going to east...fuery and breda better be there

ok finally some answers on their ages....ed got his license at 12 like normal and nina and youswell were when he was 12...liore was 15, 

if they didnt flash the ages on the screen id be lost honestly

at least we’re back up to “present day”

episode 10: the phantom thief

ed saying he doesnt wanna see mustang

same

03 mustang is activating my fight or flight and im choosing fight

ed cheating at cards totally checks out

um who the fuck is this woman

what is she wearing

SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THAT CUTOUT MAAM HOW DO YOUR C**CHY LIPS NOT POKE OUT

idk but this is fem!hisoka

“hey shouldnt we talk first” after getting handcuffed??? christ almighty these innuendos

siren??????? siren is probably also a “fake” homunculus

ugh

ok so the nurse is siren

ya aint slick girly

alphonse control your crush

I REFUSE!!!! ALMEI RIGHTS

why is al’s hair so brown in this flashback anywayssss

oh its spelled psiren ope

like she’s literally a batman villain...

oh my god...............the tiddy grab. my son would never

my son is respectful

is this her homunculus tat or just a random alchemy tat

the added plotlines and original content continue to confuse and astound me every single time....

ok but if psiren really was doing this for the hospital she wouldnt be so flashy about it. like thats how you get caught sweet cheeks

girly stop flirting with this child on god im gonna fucking kick you

now shes a nun????????????????

Shes a fucking troll i hate her

im going to kick alphonse into the sun 

oh great now shes a teacher

wow shes a savior. the savior of amestrian venice. greatttttt

ed looking exactly like this emoji on this gondola rn 🧍‍♀️

STOP FLIRTING WITH THE CHILD 

GOD THIS IS SO BATMAN VILLAIN ESQUE

alphonse plzzzzzzzzzz she aint your girl

ok so probably not the last we see of this ding dong con artist

ok so its starting to get muddy. im scared the 03 stans are gonna come after me like i do like it and im having fun watching it but some of the plot and characterization choices are just....odd??? idk i gotta keep going though!! im sorry i just stan arakawa and her work in all her glory!!!

[juminsmysticmc]

So i got a request it ok if you dont do it though😄 but any way can it be about RFA+Minor trio breaking up and next time they see her she has there child and they get angery and scared that she didn't tell them.Anyways thanks for even reading this i just wanted to say i love your writing so much bye😃😃

RFA + Minor Trio who break up with MC and see her with a child a bit later 

Hi baby! Thank you for requesting! I’m very happy, I love these kind of scenarios! I will be more than happy to write it for you! Here your are, thank you for your love and enjoy! 

Jumin 

,,I’m sorry.’’ he said, being honest with you. 

Just looking at your tears made his heart feel in pain but the young CEO in line had no other choice than to leave you in order to make sure that you were safe. 

His father was currently blackmailing him with your life. 

Jumin loved you way too much to play with your life and so he begged you to please break up with him. 

,,I don’t know why you’re doing this to me, Jumin Han.’’ you whimpered looking at your shining ring. 

,,I mean, everything was alright….but I guess you’re really the cold hearted man like you’re claimed to be.’’ you whispered, putting off the ring. 

Without a word you got up and packed your stuff, moving to Zen who was more than happy to welcome you. 

,,You can stay here if you want, Mc. I have to be honest. I don’t feel good to make an ill lady leave….’’ he confessed, thinking about all the times you vomited. 

,,I’m not ill, Zenny. I’m pregnant.’’ you whispered, crying once again but this time harder. 

Zen promised to never tell Jumin this secret and he kept his word. 

In his eyes Jumin deserved this. 

Three years later Chairman Han died due to an accident. 

Jumin still wasn’t married and wondered if you were single too after all these years. 

Seeing you at the funeral of his father made him feel better, you once were his fiancé after all. 

Although, the black haired boy next to him shocked him. 

,,Mc…?’’ he mumbled, looking at the handsome boy which looked like him. 

,,Yes?’’ you asked him annoyed. 

,,Is this…my son?’’ he asked you, tears left his eyes, feelings over came him for the first time ever since you left. 

,,Yes.’’ you whispered. 

This was the most exciting funeral on earth since Jumin Han and you began to yell at each other because of this secret. 

Even the media, which appeared in this day, was filming the scene. 

,,MY FATHER WAS BLACKMAILING ME SO I HAD TO LEAVE YOU!’’ he yelled. 

The young boy was so scared and for a short time Jumin felt sorry that he had to see him like that. 

,,I’M SO NOT INTEREST IN WHAT CHAIRMAN HAN DID! YOU STILL COULD HAVE TOLD ME! I WOULD HAVE….I HAVE SO MUCH PATIENCE….I WOULD HAVE WAITED FOR YOU….INSTEAD I HAD TO GO THROUGH HARDSHIP ON MY OWN!’’ you cried. 

,,Jumin! I had an awful pregnancy, my baby had a difficult birth….don’t give him a bad childhood….just leave us be and forget us….like you did three years ago…’’ you begged and left, followed by Zen who glared at Jumin. 

Jumin Han shock his head. 

,,Assistant  Kang, bring me a glass of wine.’’ he ordered. 

,,But Mr-‚‘’ 

,,I need to drink to forget…’’ he whispered and looked at her with a begging face. 

Zen 

,,What?’’you asked your boyfriend again which was really breaking up with you.

,,Mc, I’m sorry….please don’t make it even harder…..’’ he begged, looking away. 

,,The director told me that it’s bad for me…to have a girlfriend…’’ he mumbled. 

You didn’t dare to say anything and instead began to laugh. 

Zen looked at you with an surprised face, would you go crazy now? 

You left him, feeling his eyes on your back. 

You packed your stuff and left the apartment.  

Once you were far away from him you finally let go of all your pain.  

,,Excuse me Miss? Are you alright?’’ a young man, maybe a bit older than you asked you. 

This man was the one who took care of you. 

And he was the one who married you and paid for all your needs and the needs of your little girl who today called her ,,Daddy’’. 

,,Ohh Jagiya! He moved!’’ you giggled, putting your husband’s hand on your belly. 

He smiled brigthly at you while your little girl watched a performance. 

,,Mommy! Look!! Loook!’’ she called you. 

Your eyes wandered to a white haired man with the stage name ,,Zen’’. 

You immediately turned off the TV, taking her hand and explaining her that this man was a bad man. 

,,So it’s him?’’ you husband asked you in the evening, getting a nod as response. 

,,Four years passed. In these years he never called me, Jagiya. I’m so hurt…’’ you confessed. 

But you decided to feel better soon, now that your family was about to be completed. 

Yoosung invited you to his birthday and for the first time in four years Zen had time to come to one of the RFA’s birthday parties which gave him the chance to see you too. 

But he didn’t expect to see you pregnant. 

He didn’t expect you to walk in with another man. 

He didn’t expect you to laugh with a young girl with white hairs. 

He didn’t expect it. 

,,YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME!’’ he yelled a few seconds later, your daughter was already crying in Jaehee’s arms when you and Zen were yelling at each other. 

,,NOTHIG WOULD HAVE CHANGED ANYWAY!!’’ you yelled back, crying harder and harder. 

,,OF COURSE! I WOULD HAVE-‚‘’ 

,,What?! WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE? TAKING ME BACK BECAUSE OF A CHILD?! DON’T JOKE WITH ME, ASS! YOU REJECTED THE MOTHER OF YOUR DAUGHTER! DON’T THINK THAT BACK THEN YOU WOULD HAVE TOOK IN A BABY!’’ you screamed. 

Your husband was really concerned for your health but when Zen grabbed a glass and threw it on the floor, his body reacted on his own. 

He pushed Zen against a wall and glared at him. 

,,Listen, you ugly ass. Back then I found a young woman crying on the floor, alone. It was Mc who got rejected by you. Do you remember why? Because you chose fame over love. And this makes you a fucking ugly wannabe idol! So, now listen carefully to me if you don’t want me to break your disgusting face. Throw something on the floor once again, just in her direction and I promise you, I will make your life a living hell. Because other than you I care about my family. 

And now look carefully how I comfort your daughter who shed tears for you. You scared your own daughter with the fuss. You don’t have the right to name yourself a father.’’ 

With this you guys left, apologizing to Yoosung a lot. 

,,Please stay.’’ he begged you. 

,,Instead, Zen. Leave. I don’t want you here. You never came and nothing will change if you don’t take part of the party now.’’ Yoosung explained, looking really mature. 

And so, Zen left, looking back at his daughter once more. 

This could have been him. But he took another path. 

,,Maybe I should have listened to my family back then…’’ he laughed and looked at a shop which was selling toys. 

Yoosung 

,,Yoosung, I need to tell you something.“ you mumbled with a bright smile on your lips. 

Your husband nodded, telling you that he had to tell you something too although he wasn’t smiling. 

You however, blended by your happiness didn’t notice his bad mood. 

,,Tell me first!“ you laughed and waited for whatever he had to tell you. 

You just couldn’t await to tell him that he could finally prove you that he wasn’t a baby.

That he was an adult now and that he could take responsability.

Although you still didn’t know that you would never tell him…

As soon as he told you the news he wanted to share with you, your smile vanished, leaving a shocked face behind.

,,What?“ you asked again, trying to understand if he was just joking or if he really confessed that he still mixed you up with Rika.

,,I’m sorry, I just felt bad and so I wanted to tell you…it’s not fair for you and so I want to break up with you, let’s get a divorce.”

His words left a bitter taste back.

Filled in rage you took your stuff and ran out, slamming the door behind you.

Rika was his cousion, you his wife but still he mixed you up with her. You felt so disapointed and hurt…

You didn’t know what to do now, you were alone.

In front of a little shop you began to cry, hoping to awake from your nightmare.

,,Oh, are you alright?“ an old woman asked you.

You however shook your head and mumbled a faint ,,No”

Without knowing her you told her what Yoosung just did and told her about your situation, your pregnancy.

The old Woman began to cry with you, she felt so hurt by Yoosung’s action.

,,I have an Inn, do you want to stay there? You could help me with little tasks since I have none. Of course I wouldn’t let a pregnant woman work hard. You can cook or say hello to the guests.“ she told you, expecting you to disagree.

But you nodded and went with her.

You lived with the old woman for a really long time in the Inn, you got to know her son and later on your husband who took care of your daughter as if it was his own.

You even gave birth to his child.

After your mother in law died due to an illness, the two of you decided to go for a trip, to just feel better for a few days.

Although none of you expected him to die in an accident.

,,Life is cursing me….” you sobbed into Jaehee’s shirt when she and the RFA came visiting you.

,,Move back, Mc. We will take care of you and your children, we are the RFA after all. And don’t worry about Yoosung, after you left he stopped being in touch with us. He only comes when we have a special activity.“ Zen tried to pursue you.

And so, you came back, closing the Inn of the people who helped you when you had none, and moved back to Seoul.

,,Yoosung…” you mumbled.

,,Mc-Mc?“ he asked you, tears slipped out as he looked at you, he missed you so much.

But this feeling was one sided.

,,Omma, who is this man?” your older daughter asked you while your second daughter reached for your Hand.

For a short moment Yoosung scanned the girl, something felt wrong.

,,How old is she?“ he asked you, trying to understand the situation.

Did you perhaps cheat on him back then?

But then he remembered that you were about to tell him something. Something that seemed to make you really happy.

,,YOU WERE PREGNANT BACK THEN??” he yelled.

,,It has Nothing to do with you!“ you told him, taking the hand of his child.

,,You can’t name yourself a Father after everything you did, Yoosung Kim. Don’t get angry at me for a mistake you did.” you laughed.

You wanted to go away but Yoosung held you back.

,,I want to meet her, I want to get to know her. You have no right to take her away from me.“ he snapped.

,,Oh yes, I have. I have the same right you had back then to leave me. I have, trust me and if I don’t have I will make sure that I have!”

Jaehee

The two of you have been trying to become pregnant for six years. 

At some point. Jaehee just couldn’t stand it anymore and so the best thing to do for her was to break up with you. 

The only thing you could do was crying all night long while she was sleeping in the room next to you. 

,,You can stay here for a while….’’ she mumbled in the morning without looking at your red eyes. 

You didn’t respond. 

You stayed silent and instead cursed her and your own body for not accepting the child you wished. 

,,I want the money for the half of the shop.’’ you snapped. 

,,And I want back the money the two of us spend on this house.’’ you added. 

Hate was overcoming you. 

,,Okay.’’ she responded with a trembling voice. 

She began to regret her decision, was this really the right thing to do? But taking back the words she already said were impossible and so she had to live with the pain. 

,,Ugh….’’ you sobbed when you went out. 

The cold air hit you, making your cheeks turn out red immediately. 

You looked at your phone, it was 3 PM. 

,,I need a job…’’ you whispered to yourself and spotted a young man with blonde hairs and immediately thougth of Yoosung who complained about his job last time. 

,,Hello Jumin. This is Mc.’’ you said firmly over the phone. 

A few days later you became his secretary together with Yoosung who was really grateful for your help. 

,,What? She’s working for Jumin now?’’ Jaehee asked the young man who just noticed that he did a big mistake. 

Jaehee tried to call you a few times but failed. She lost you and it was her fault. 

,,I’m pregnant…’’ you cried into Jumin’s arms when you found out. 

The CEO in line was perplexed that you just found out but tried his best to make you feel better, telling you over and over again that this was a good notice. 

He also promised to hire you again when you were ready after the birth and promised to organize something for your baby so that you could take her with you at work. 

And he really did so that you could take care of your baby. 

,,Mc…?’’ Jaehee mumbled when she saw you a few months later walking with your firstborn. 

She couldn’t believe what she saw. 

,,I got pregnant after you broke up with me.’’ you told her. 

,,Why didn’t you tell me, Mc? The fact that we couldn’t have children made us like that!’’ she began to tear up. 

,,No, Jaehee, it made you become like that.’’ you answered. 

Her hands began to tremble. 

,,You can’t do this to me…..’’ she sobbed harder. 

,,I can, Jaehee. You know why? Because she’s mine and mine alone. You simply took the wrong path once again. And now live with this mistake.’’ 

With that you left, you tried to breath in and out, trying to calm yourself after this happened.  

And Jaehee stayed back, wishing for more courage to change something. 

Saeyoung 

,,I’m dangerous!’’ he yelled. 

Your face froze in shock at his actions. 

The both of you just began to argue and the discussion ended into a bad fighting. 

You were shivering, he just crushed his phone and now a new discussion was coming up. 

,,I want to break up! It’s too much for me to endure, Mc! Fuck! Just understand me and don’t be so selfish and just leave me!’’ he begged. 

You began to understand and decided to do like he said. 

Bring up a child would be too much right now. 

And so, with an aching heart you left him behind. 

But it didn’t end up like you expected. 

Instead you found a new person who was totally different. 

You felt a bit strange falling in love with a new person and beginning your life with him but you also knew that going back to Saeyoung wasn’t an option either. 

For the first time after everything what happened you could smile without faking your happiness. 

And the best thing was that your boyfriend also already had a child so you bringing a child with you wasn’t a problem at all. 

A few years later the both of you run a center to help people in need. 

You really had fun doing so. 

And one day a familiar face entered your shop, glaring at you. 

,,Why didn’t you tell me that you were pregnant? Why did you remarry? Why didn’t you inform me?!’’ he yelled.  

,,Ask me the right question. You wanted to ask me why I became happy myself.’’ you laughed. 

,,Saeyoung Choi, you were and still are way too dangerous to meet your child. Please go out now.’’ you snapped, making him feel as if someone stabbed into his back.

His eyes scanned your body, so, you really went on and managed to forget him, right? 

,,Jagiya, is everything alright?“ your partner came, hugging your waist. 

Saeyoung‘s blood was boiling. 

Someone was touching the love of his life and it wasn’t him. 

,,Nothing, dear. This guest was just being a bit troublesome.“ you answered, expecting Saeyoung to go out. 

Saeyoung felt betrayed but after all it was simply his fault, wasn’t it…? 

And so he left with a broken heart and this picture in his mind: a happy family with you. 

Saeran

,,No wait, let me escape with you!“ you cried. 

Although there was no time now. 

,,No, go away now and just forget me!“ Saeran hissed. 

,,Please…please Saeran don’t reject me….I beg you….“ you sobbed but your boyfriend didn’t listen to you and instead pushed you away. 

The door closed and you were left on your own. 

You guys just discovered Saeyoung’s whereabouts and wanted to save him but someone found you. 

Saeran, in order to save you just broke up with you, leaving you behind. 

But you knew that he would come right back to you and so you just did as he said and left. 

You waited and waited for him…

This day was supposed to be a happy day, couldn’t he hear you out? 

Days passed, long days in agony as you stroked your swollen belly. 

,,Daddy will pick us up….“ you said to your unborn twins, trying to convince yourself too. 

But years passed and the twins were getting older and older. 

But you were proud of yourself. 

You knew that you did a great job. 

,,I‘m going to open the door!“ the older ten years old boy yelled when the door rang. 

,,Huh?“ a familiar voice mumbled. 

,,M-mommy….“ he then called you. 

You quickly approached the door and jumped into the arms you missed so much. 

,,Mc!“ he whimpered. 

,,You-! You were pregnant!“ he began to scold you later on. 

You just nodded. 

This evening the both of you began to argue for the first time after ten years. 

,,WHY DIDN‘T YOU TELL ME?!“ he whined. 

,,How could I?! You didn’t hear me out! And besides, Saeyoung’s safety-“ 

,,No! I would have brought reinforcements or sent you far away…to make sure that you would be save….“ he confessed, finally crying into your arms. 

You felt bad but still thought that you did the right thing. 

And finally you were a happy family. 

Jihyun 

Based on the Normal Ending, thank you to @strip-away-my-conshionsh who gave me this storyline after I wrote an unrealistic story.

,,Jihyun!“ you began to sob, making him feel a bit helpless. 

,,I‘m a person, I have feelings! I‘m here, I‘m alive, I can talk and listen like everyone on this world! So treat me like a person! I‘m not a piece of art!“ you snapped at him. 

Jihyun stayed silent. 

,,Mc, I don’t know what you‘re talking about….“ he mumbled and wanted to touch you.

You slapped his hand away. 

,,You don’t even realize…? You‘re not seeing me as a person! You’re doing the same mistake again!!“ you began to sob harder. 

Jihyun felt hurt by this comment. 

,,Which mistake?“ he asked you then. 

This was the reason for the big fight the two of you had. 

To be honest you never saw Jihyun acting like that but he soon had to admit that you were right. 

And that’s why he decided to break up. 

To go away from you for a long time, just to have a therapy and understand how to treat a person properly.

,,You’re always running away!!“ you yelled back as he left, taking everything he owned with him. 

And you had no intention to wait for him after this. 

Instead you sold the apartment and moved away on your own. 

,,Shit….“ you began to sob once again when the pregnancy test showed you that you were pregnant. 

The tears never stopped to fall. 

But with Jihyun like that, no. 

Giving birth wasn’t an option. 

But still, your heart ached as you thought about the abortion. 

And so you decided to give birth and give your child away. 

,,I will bring her away, okay?“ the nurse softly told you after giving birth to a girl. 

,,Wait…“ you whispered. 

The nurse smiled at you, handing you over your newborn. 

,,I….the adoption….please stop it…“ you whispered while you observed your daughter. 

And so you began your life as single mother. 

Although, you didn’t stay single for long. 

Just a three years later you were pregnant again and in a happy marriage, seen as a woman and person. 

As a human. 

You thought that everything ended, Jihyun never called, not you or one of the RFA. 

Not even his best friend Jumin who was just getting better from the disappointment. 

But suddenly he appeared. 

And he was even angry. 

,,I did it for you!“ he snapped after a RFA party ended. 

,,I couldn’t wait! Jihyun, do you think that everything in life will just wait until you’re ready?!“ you asked him. 

,,Please don’t yell….think about your condition...“ your husband begged you, thinking about your pregnancy, glaring at Jihyun afterwards. 

,,It’s okay. I need to say a few things…“ you took your husband‘s hand. 

,,There’s nothing left, Jihyun.“ 

,,At least let me be part of her life….“ he begged, looking at the fruit of your love. 

A love which died three years ago. 

,,No...“ you whispered. 

His eyes grew while he shook his head in disagreement. 

,,I‘m sorry but no. I can’t do that, Jihyun. I don’t want her to get hurt because of your selfishness. 

You would hurt her. Just like you did with Rika and tried to do with me….when she‘s old enough, let her decide….“ you convinced him, making him leave in sadness. 

Vanderwood 

You felt sick since a few days and slept more than at any other times. 

You already knew that you were pregnant but you still couldn’t tell Vanderwood since the mood was pretty bad since a few days. 

You weren’t scared that he may break up with you but it indeed happened. 

He even kicked you out. 

,,Disgusting!“ you yelled behind the closed door. 

,,S-Saeyoung!“ you cried into the phone. 

It didn’t take long until the red haired man picked you up and let you stay with him. 

He was also the one who took care of you and supported you when you gave birth. 

Saeyoung and you agreed that you could live with him while you still couldn’t work. 

You just packed your stuff and smiled at your baby when someone opened the door. 

Thinking it was Saeyoung, you smiled brightly. 

But this smile vanished as soon as you saw the brown haired man in front of you, glaring at you. 

,,WHY DIDN‘T YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT?!“ he yelled, waking up the baby and making him cry loudly. 

,,Shut up!“ you tried to convince Vanderwood while you took your child between your arms, trying to make him understand that you were with him. 

,,I want to know why!“ he snapped again. 

You were just about to answer when he went on talking

,,Don’t dare to come to me, crying and begging for money. I won’t give you anything! Just stay away!“ 

Luckily Saeyoung came, dragging his former maid out of the room. 

,,Why did you say that?!“ Saeyoung snapped, getting angry. 

,,Don’t stick your nose in other people’s matter!“ with this sentence he walked away. 

,,I know that the agency blackmailed you, nine month ago….“ Saeyoung called back, making Vanderwood stop. 

,,Don’t make things up….and just take care of them!“ with that Vanderwood disappeared from your life, guarding over you. 

MASTERLIST 1MASTERLIST 2

05.07.2019 // ??MEST

Tagged:

@foreversunshine-love @giulia2372 @milkyxstrawberry

@widya345 @remiliadacalde @sailormoonrocks666 @r-f-a-journalists 

[seblore]

everyday i wake up and you still havent posted your evermore rant </3

there u go boo 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

GDBDNSKDJHHDDNDS GIRL................ ok so i very cleverly avoided ranking folklore because every song REALLY HIT and the whole album was just SO.. SO.. yeah. i can however rank miss evermore. i dont want to compare the two album i do not get the point in that. both give off really different vibes. now what i will say is with folklore, AS AN ALBUM, it is just a master masterpiece. The songs flowed amazingly with each other and really held you close the entire first listen. at least thats what I felt like <3 with evermore however, the individual songs are OMG!!! THERE IS LITERALLY NO SONG I DONT LIKE FROM ANY OF THE TWO ALBUMS. but as an album on the first listen i did feel a bit disconnected from evermore which didnt happen to me with folklore. why i think that might’ve happened is BECAUSE taylor is just so brilliant m8.... the MASSIVE contrasting emotions between the songs was too much for my little brain to handle.

Ok so now that’s out of the way dhsjsk time for rankings :) i have no idea where im going to put each song im just going to make it up as we go <3 ill ALSO give you my fave lyrics from each if I remember it <333 (oh and also you’ll notice marjorie isnt here. im sorry but i never listened to it after the first listen because it hits a little too close to home and i dont want to unpack all of that now im sorry! it is a beautiful song)

14. Closure: she popped off <3 she really said dont treat me like a situation that needs to be handled 💃🤙💯 a beautiful song with beautiful lyrics HOWEVER its the first song i couldnt connect with thus it’s down here BUT I STILL WOULD LISTEN TO IT ON REPEAT THO... the last in my ranking but still fucks 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ thats taylor swift 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

13. long story short: i have never been in a relationship ever BUT GODDAMN ‘pushed from the precipice, clung to the nearest lips’ hdjsksksjjddjnBbdns jddd ubebs!:!?:?:$3&39383$hzjs WOAH.... and this bitch really summarized the full 2016 drama with long story short it was a bad time. HILARITY. yeah not much to say here tho this is just the ‘at least one mandatory song to shake your tits to on each ts album’ song of evermore <3 and always remember that if the shoe fits walk in it TILL YOUR HIGH HEELS BREAK WOOH ANDIFELLDOWNTHEPEDESTALRIGHTDOWNTHERA—

12: dorothea: making a lark of misery :D RENt free. i had to listen to ‘if youre tired of being known for who you know you know youll always know me’ 113 times to finally understand it tho 😐 some of us are stupid and illiterate have you ever thought about that miss swift???? anyways TINGTINGTINGINGINGING THE STARS IN YOUR EYES SHINED BRIGHTER IN TUPELO <33333 such an innocent feel good song I LOVE!!!!!

11. ivy: the goddamn here and the hush of mirrorball ARE THE REASON IM STILL ALIVE 😽 another lyrical masterclass <3 ‘id live and die for moments that we stole on begged and borrowed time’ IS2G!!!!!!!!!!! anyways what if you cheated on your husband with me and i cheated on my husband with you and my pain fit in the palm of your freezing hands 😳 JK JK 😅 unless...... 🤪😏 hdjsks yeah this song is magnificently cursed and i am in love with it 🧎‍♀️

10. tis the damn season: this song is august but the other side of the coin. august but four months later. AUGUST SLIPPED AWAY LIKE A BOTTLE OF WINE- THE HOLIDAYS LINGER LIKE A BAD PERFUMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... she sounds so pretty goshhh! ‘time flies messy as the mud on your truck tires NOW IM MISSING YOUR SMILE hear me out we could just ride around and the road not taken looks real good now’ is on repeat in my mind. and as always the bridge ::::::::::::::.............:::::::::::::: how does she do this everytime. ‘and wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles im faking’ 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ after every ts song i listen my expectations about true love grows exponentially and my chances of finding true love falls exponentially simultaneously ADIEU.

9. willow: she really took the invisible string quartet and put it in huh..................... FUCKED IN THE HEADDDDDDDDDDDDDD. what can i say <3 its just such a pretty song <3 hashtag gorgeous hashtag i cant say anything to its face. WRECK MY PLANS!!!!!! WRECK IT BITCH!!! ‘wait for the signal and ill meet you after dark’ LOVE STORY WHIPLASH. also mate i cant even focus on the song she looks SO GOOD in the music video i—

8. happiness: !!!! what can i say.... one of the best songs of the album hands down. lyrical masterpiece AND musically rich. she really logged into tumblr dot com and typed out ‘THERE’LL BE HAPPINESS AFTER YOU’ AND ‘THERE WAS HAPPINESS BECAUSE OF YOU’ ARE IDEAS THAT CAN COEXIST and logged off...... h8 her and her insanity. the one word i have to describe this song is: picturesque. tis a picturesque song <3 oh and dfbhhffcbhDDVHHTRSDVJK when i heard ‘i hope she’ll be a beautiful fool who takes my spot next to you’ i audibly GASPED and then she says ‘no i didnt mean that sorry i cant see facts through all of my fury’................. i fell out of my chair. IT FELT LIKE AS IF SHE HEARD MY GASP AND TOLD ME SPECIFICALLY THAT NO SHE DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT... anyways yeah. ill write an article one day named THE SWIFT DECEPTION OF TAYLOR about how she keeps writing songs with deceptive titles and this will be the opening case 😈🤙 also the fact that this is one of my faves and i put it in number 8 says a lot......

7. evermore: i havent recovered from ‘motion capture. put me in a bad light’. i mean come on the whole goddamn song is a lyrical masterpiece. ‘writing letters addressed to the fire’. IS SHE OK!????????????? i think tf not. beautiful song beautiful arrangement. iver sounded really good too. and lol lol rofl WOOFWOOFbarkbark ‘HEY DECEMBER GUESS IM FEELING UNMOORED’ unmoored definition from google dot com: no longer attached. she doesn’t go back to december anymore. about2 faint oml. long story short: i did not survive. THIS PAIN WOULD BE FOR EVERMORE........ what i felt with this song is that she took the quarantine sadness we all felt at least once this year and made it into a masterpiece of a song. couldve been easily the top song on any album except this. no i will not elaborate <3

6. no body no crime: i cannot believe. she teased us with a musical number. this woman teased us with. a musical number. I THINK SHE IS WRITING A MUSICAL BUT I JUST CANT PROVE IT! when she wins that tony 16 years later call me prophetic xoxo. anyways yeah she literally wrote this to flex her storytelling abilities. send tweet 🐥

5. cowboy like me: YEEEHAWWW I’LL BE HONEST WITH YOU I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FULL SONG SOUNDS LIKE I JUST HAVE THE BRIDGE ON REPEAT!!!! OMFG!!! the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up. AAAA!! ??? STFU. IM NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT THE LYRICS MATE THE WAY ITS SUNG!!!!!!! GUT WRENCHING! the best bridge she has ever written musically. i cant stop listening to it. REALLYYY DID BELIEEEVE I WAS THE ONEEE. STORIESSS ABOUT WHEEEN YOU PASSSEDDD THROUGHH TOWN. y e l l. and then she hits me with ‘now you hang from my lips like the gardens of babylon.’ L ???? M !!!!! A $$$$$ O “”””” i had to pause it and sit there for 10 minutes to take in what i had just heard. case closed critical hit sustained yeedhawd.

4. tolerate it: i cried. the only reason it’s not 1 is because it hurt me too much. WHAT THE FUCK YOU MF YOU ASSUME IM FINE BUT WYD IF I BREAK FREE AND LEAVE US IN THE RUINS???? TOOK THIS DAGGER IN ME AND REMOV— m8 this physically hurts me everytime. if its all in my head TELL ME RN. aghhh aRghhhhhhh. pain. and lol she broke down sleep to its bare essentials ‘breathing with your eyes closed’.

3. ??? coney island: i know it’s a bit of a controversial top three but WHO CARES 🕴this is solely here for ‘AND IM SITTING ON A BENCH IN CONEY ISLAND wondering where did my BABYy GO’ im shaking. my bed is shaking. my body is shaking. my pupils are shaking. THE WAY SHE SINGS IT OH MY GOODNESS ME i have to lie down gimme a sec. ‘and if this is the long haul howd we get here so soon 😟’ SCREAM. and when i was hearing it for the first time and she said ‘sorry for not making you my centerfold’ i was like yeah and?? so what?? and then she hits me with ‘over and over’...... so she didnt make him/her/them her centerfold over and over !!!!!!! she is sorry she didnt do it over and over!!!!!! mannn.... the chorus.. i shall not speak. i am held at gunpoint i CANNOT SPEAK. the bridge tho dhdnsksksjsb I CAN SPEAK AND I SHALL SPEAK. BITCH WENT OFFFFFFFF. <3 this is the apology she deserved from her exes which she never got so she wrote it herself. podium. grey skies. birthday cake. ACCIDENT. im laughingggggggggggg <///3 and yeah so overall it is a really yummy song with yummy vocals and yummy arrangement 9/10 would recommend. also!! life lessons kids life lessons. disappointments? SIMPLY CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PRETEND YOU DO NOT SEE IT YAAAAAAAAAS

2. gold rush: ETHEREAL!!!!!! The last time i felt like this™️ whilst listening to a song was with mirrorball <3 the production of this song omg omg omg LOVE 💃 but what propelled it to number two status was the ‘i dont like slow motion double vision in ROSE BLUSH/ i dont like that falling feels like flying till the BONE CRUSH’ imagine how fucked in the head a person needs to be to rhyme rose blush with bone crush. yeah i have nothing more to say really this song is extremely gorgeous and ‘eyes like sinking ships on water so inviting i almost jumped in’ / ‘walk past quick brush’ ?:!:!&:8483 F A V E <33333 and the transition transmission transfusion from ‘... gray old tea cuz itll never be ᵍˡᵉᵃᵃᵃᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʷⁱⁿᵏˡⁱⁿᵍᵍᵍᵍ’ MADAME

1. champagne problems: are we surprised? ARE WE REALLY SURPRISED? when listening to new albums i normally listen to it at one go in order. i stick to that rule. HOWEVER after many years of my solid album listening self made rule tm i finally broke and immediately replayed this mf song after listening to it once. ‘you had a speech, youre speechless/ love slipped beyond your reaches’???? stfu???? VILE. PUNISHABLE. DEROGATORY. and welp the entire bridge ...... .... ........... what can i say. And the parallels to miss all too well??? WHAT WAS THE REASON???? your SISTER splashed out on the bottle- left my scarf there at your SISTER’s house 😐 she’ll patch up your tapestry that i SHRED- maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you TORE it all up 😐 your MOM’s ring in your pocket- your MOTHER’s telling stories bout you on the tee ball team 😐 November flush and your FLANNEL cure- PLAID shirt days and nights when you made me your own 😐 wHAT A SHAME SHE IS FUCKED IN THE HEAD IS2G........... and also why would she not rhyme POCKET with LOCKET?????? why with wallet???????????? slant rhyme why????????????? AND THE NOTE THIS MF SONG ENDS ON..... FUCKED IN THE HEAD

THATS IT. i really sat here and did this for the past 2 hours huh...... hhdjsms anyways LONG STORY SHORT: I HATE ONE INSANE WOMAN AND HER NAME IS TAYLOR ALISON SWIFT. GODSPEEED 🏃‍♀️

[bacchaebabe]

Instructions: Tag 10 followers you want to get to know better.

@platanosandprejudice ndfkksnjdjsjks i havent done one of these in YEARS. thank u though uwu

Gender:  in one of the many, complex myths around his birth, the god Dionysus was hidden away as a girl to keep him from Hera’s jealous eyes. he then grew up to be Extremely Pretty. this is unrelated to his gender which is complex and he’s often associated with trans people, but for the record i am a boy, i am very pretty, and i am probably not being hunted by Hera right now but if i WAS it would explain a lot. 

Star sign: Capricorn/Sagittarius im not on the cusp i just have 2 birthdays. its COMPLICATED.

Height: 5′6, literally the most uninteresting height ever. i do slouch a bit so im always shoved into the ‘short’ group but i am tall. i promise.

Sexuality: i am so gay that when i am mocked for being obviously LGBT, people usually go for that instead of the trans thing. but also im 18 i dont fucking know who im attracted to????

Hogwarts house: Hogwarts houses as a concept are fucking STUPID and i HATE THEM. “let’s define u by one major personality trait at age 11′ do you have RABIES???? i dont have a solid personality let alone one definining trait!!! also the slytherin house is stupid and was handled badly and its a terrible idea for a school! it is reductive, not conducive to learning, kind of an impossible concept to begin with and i hate it. ravenclaw or slytherin.

Favourite animal: snow leopards. or foxes. both are good. or bats!!!! bats are so cool. the fact they all have rabies is kind of part of the charm.

Average hours of sleep: depends. either 3 or 12 the only difference is if im posting fic that night

Current time: 10.13! a good time i think. i have things i am meant to be writing. this is a 3 hours of sleep night.

Dogs or cats: cats sorry its cats. its cats. dogs are too much.

Number of blankets you sleep with: 4? one is very thin but a good insulator, a douvet, a weighted blanket, and then a comfort one. i keep my window open for potential vampire suitors, so i need all the warmth.

Dream job: pay me to write fanfiction. ill do it anyway but if i got paid that would be nice. if not i guess i’ll continue with this speech and drama degree ig!

When I created this blog: 2020 but its my third tumblr.

Follower count: like... 7? the goth scene is, surprisingly, not super active on tumblr. i have more on my sideblog! im also a bit more active there tho i guess.

Why I made this blog: just got out of weird/bad relationship and was depressed and missed tumblr. also i wanted to blog about my opinions on hellenic paganism and then i decided they were TOO CONTROVERSIAL. so i did not. i also downloaded grindr at the same time and even though i deleted it like three days later i think getting back on tumblr was the bigger mistake.

How I came up with my URL: its an excellent verbal stim!! also, i had just picked the bacchae as one of the pieces for my drama exam after obsessing over it for years. please read the bacchae, is good literature. we stan dionysus here.

What do you love about yourself (can’t be something you do FOR others): i can read your tarot cards! fuck. i can read MY OWN tarot cards. i think thats very sexy of me. i also have a handful of poems and prose memorized ranging from like, the entirety of e.o.p’s The Raven to a first person monologue from a fanfiction i really liked that was better than the raven, i think. i never have the opportunity to deliver em but i like knowing that one day, maybe a troll or something will kidnap me and i will lull him to sleep with my stories of identity and weird birds.

What got you through middle school? If middle school wasn’t hard, what was that like?: fake iced coffee! the hot chocolate machine in our dorms was always broken, and i never ate the food they served bc it was gross as hell, so every meal time i used to stir in about six teaspoons of sugar and then one and a half teaspoons of instant coffee, and then i’d pour in milk and i’d have about two of those every meal, three times a day, and i didnt die of malnutrition so i think there’s probably more going on there than it seems.

anyway! i dont think i know ten people here but uhhhhh @glubbity @manormi if u follow me please do this im just too shy to tag anyone except my lovely mutuals who i am ALSO shy of. 

[dear-space-cadet]

al horford sleeper agent

—————

anyway by now ive told basically everyone i care about but i had a life changing experience over the weekend. n it sounds dumb as shit but i met a real life dude who was basically a clone of nick from franz. weird hours. guess this is a thread

before we start i want to say i havent thought about franz in weeks. theyve gone away on their own finally but really i think my old obsessions just get replaced every few years and maybe it was my hard work in therapy or my new obsession with rap or

maybe it was just a realization or me growing up and maturing or something but i dont even want to work on my favorite fanfics anymore or anything. it’s just odd. i think im changing

and i don’t think about how my former favorite band members are doing or worry about them or check their socials n it feels really good. but i know there probably is or probably will be a replacement

ok that was a tangent. if they were replaced by anything they were replaced by new friends and the NBA. so there’s the exposition of this story sorted

anyway back to the weekend. the sleeper agent invited me to lunch. and that was the catalyst. god people are being so loud in here let me go to the art library

anyway i just kind of realized "huh i guess there's more out there." i went to lunch n shit. WE went to lunch n shit. stopped caring so much about my math homework. let myself be dumb and in love

that’s a very human thing. lunch. he spilled his stupid chipotle burrito all over his stupid bright green celtics jacket

he’s from italy. never even stepped foot in a chipotle. immediately clowned himself. some world we live in

we hung out all weekend. we went to lunch like two more times and we went to dinner. there was this big threat of leaving looming over my head the whole time. i made him walk like a mile on crutches and i feel very bad about it

i don’t know what’s wrong with him. it’s somewhere between a basketball injury and a chronic disability. either way that just made me feel even more emotionally attached to him. i never saw him without the celtics jacket

it was so cold that weekend. or maybe i just didn’t bring the right jacket. if he were a gentleman he would have offered me the celtics jacket. i didnt even hug him goodbye

and then of course he went back home. theres a million girls all over his instagram comments all the time. theres nothing special about me. he doesn't want to talk. i wrote my ap psych notes in green yesterday bc i was so in love with that stupid celtics jacket

im a sixers fan. the sixers and the celtics have been rivals forever. it was about to be war, except i want to move to boston. but really i want to move to dc. i wish the whole world was philly. things would be less complicated

im in love with a celtics jacket. a celtics jacket. of all teams. and i cant even talk to my basketball friends about it because they think im dumb shit for falling for some celtics fan with a million girls all over his instagram comments all the time

im not like those girls. i don’t think im like those girls. but i definitely exactly am

i have an economics test in fifteen minutes. i think one day ill drown in the atlantic ocean.

the test wasnt that bad. i thought about writing this the entire time. i would just zone out and stare and think about the phrase ‘al horford sleeper agent’

because he has to be. why else would someone put a diehard sixers fan right in front of a diehard celtics fan who looks exactly like the guitarist of their middle school favorite band

in reality i should be calling him a celtics sleeper agent because the whole point is that al horford is a sleeper agent for the celtics. but i hate al horford so i guess it’s more funny to include him in the title

i mean how can one player change so drastically like that? al horford was benched for the first time since his rookie season, like, two weeks ago after being traded to the sixers. how does that happen? why *wouldn’t* he be playing badly so his old friends win the title?

al horford’s gotta be retiring in like, three years, tops. he’s working for the celtics, i know it. and my sleeper agent is trying to convert me to a celtics fan

i understand why people make jokes, though. it’s a very human thing to want to go home. al horford just wants to go home. he lived in boston for however many years let me look it up

god whatever it was only three years i thought it was like eleven that just ruined my point

back to the matter at hand though that’s all we’re trying to do. we all just want to feel at home. we’re all just these little things trying to connect somehow. sometimes we are more desperate than others

i think im pretty desperate right now. sometimes i sit in my bedroom and im like damn when do i get to go home? but im home

i didn’t even want to leave dc. it was all star break and there wasn’t even basketball on. so there i was, in basketball purgatory, wizards territory for some god forsaken reason, losing sleep over a celtics fan and not wanting to go home

and when i say i was losing sleep you better believe me. i was so excited to wake up in the morning that i didn’t want to fall asleep. i wanted to be awake forever, endless, running through the city

i’ll get there soon enough. it’ll be with different people. college, yknow. all that. but sometimes i feel like certain things can’t be replaced.

and im acting like a different person lately. im using my phone at red lights just so i can check for a message from the sleeper agent. it’s always one word responses

yes. ok. maybe. some shit like that. a haha every once in a while. he’s not interested and i should stop trying

and then, INEVITABLY, i send something stupid back, a photo of my hand on the wheel or something, and i get left on read

and i know im stupid for it. everyone i know is screaming at me “disco, you’re dumb shit” but i just want to believe for a minute that im loved, im special

I want to feel like someone out there cares about me that isn’t obligated to, yknow? my mom can say she loves me all she wants but it doesn’t feel as good as some italian celtics fan saying it

some hot italian celtics fan mind you

even if he wasn’t hot or italian it would be nice. and actually it would be better if he liked like, ANY other basketball team

except maybe the knicks

but whatever. main point: i know im dumb shit and should stop trying. but it feels good to feel like if i keep trying maybe i’ll be wanted

sleeper agent is just one of those people tho. he’s magnetic and everyone always wants to be around him. dumb as hell in the most charming way ever. my friends are still all making fun of me

i started crying in a pizza place the other night because even the CONCEPT of italy sent me over the edge. i need to stop before i

wait what’s the word

i need to stop before i immortalize him? no, no

i need to stop before i deify him. soon enough he’s going to be a new canonical character in my head and i’ll start making up legends and stories to myself

we barely knew each other. if i deify him i’ll start telling people he offered me the celtics jacket when it was cold out. he’ll become a perfect gentleman. and he wasnt. he was just some stupid hot italian boy in a bright green jacket

im not going to deify him. it won’t happen. but i love the color green. i always say i love yellow more but i think that’s passed. i wear a green ring on my right ring finger every day. im not going to deify him and i still hate the celtics

overall, the celtics are winning the rivalry. i don’t think the sixers have ever truly been “great,” at least outside of philly. maybe allen iverson. wilt chamberlain. dr j? theyve never had like, a dynasty. idk. i don’t think you’d be able to get a sixers jacket in italy.

it’s his birthday today. i should probably text him. i should probably stop thinking about him. that’s just dumb shit, disco youre better than this what happened to a little self confidence every now and again

sure lets say external validation isnt necessary but also i think that’s something the mindfulness crowd made up to sell more planners and tote bags in 2011. it feels good to be wanted

never waste all your time on it sure. know youre still worth it even when you have no friends and there are a million girls all over his instagram comments. but it does feel good to hear “goodness disco i like how much you like the philadelphia 76ers”

my friends are all making fun of me for being on some romeo and juliet shit because he’s literally from verona and he’s a celtics fan and im a sixers fan god damn it disco why does this always happen

i never even read romeo and juliet but i saw the dreamworks adaptation so i guess ive got the story relatively right i know they die in the end. the gnomes shatter into little pieces i think

anyway tangents aside the sixers won tonight. philly is lit up green. why the hell is philly lit up green? the eagles were done like three months ago and the flyers are orange. why is philly lit up green

oh god, he just snapped me. a zoomed in photo of himself with caption that says “76ers” with like five exclamation points

here we go again, everybody

wish me luck

[lexiy-dreyar]

Mehcanics birthday

words:1,466

tw:fluffyness

charaters: lucy heartfelia, natsu dragneel, xarana,lexiy,star and amaniz drayer, nkita monos and ???, void, chara, gem, frosghen,

Monos walking through the halls of the house when he walked by a calendar he noticed the words may on the top"hmmm.." He looked down at the marker "oh it may second ehehe my birthday is tomorrow!!" He cheers looking back at the calendar to see may 3 marked in stars handwriting he smiles "she remembered" he smiles looking down to see amaniz and nkita marked in may "oh amanizs birthday is 2 days after…." He looks down remembering his cousin "hmm uncle Monos are you ok?" Amaniz asked "huh yeah just remembering somethings...how about you" he chuckles petting the young girls head "your gonna be 6 in a few days…..well technically 16 you excited?" He smiles as her "yeah I guess so…..do you think moms ok?" She fiddled with her hands "yeah her and void woke up and are safe in the hospital your mom will be discharged tomorrow and void will be discharged 3 days be your birthday" he crouched down to match her hight "...and aunty star" she mumbled " well….. Were not sure yet she hasn't woken up yet but im sure shell be awake in time for nkitas birthday" he smiles standing up "now come on its getting late you have some training to do" he picks up the slightly dozing of girl "hmm"

-the next day-

Amaniz and nkita made their way to the hospital"hmmm.." Amaniz fiddled with her hands "hmm is something wrong?" Nkita asked looking down at his side, she shook her head no before slowly holding his hand "hey un-no big brother do you think uncle void will remember me" she asked softly "yeah im sure he wouldn't stop asking about you" he softly squeezed her hand "ama...i know you were scared...you dint have to act tough anymore... you're not like that dont be like your mother be you..ok?" He asked, hearing sniffling coming from her, he sighed softly picking her up "i-im not a kid" she sniffles. The bluentte shook his head no "but your still a child...you were aged up 10 years so you couldn't naturally change...thus your emotions were increased drastically to where you couldn't even control a small bit so dont worry about it ok?" He softly kisses her temple "hmm thank you big brother" she smiled softly "your welcome" he mumbled as they entered the hospital doors and headed up to the 4 floor

-one elevator ride later- 

"Here room 409" amaniz pointed as she was let down "hmm let's see if they're awake" nkita whispered gently knocking in the door "hello?" The two peaked in seeing lex staring out the window with a blank face void rambling to himself and star still under intensive care " mama!" Amaniz cried running over to lex tightly hugging her, crying into her chest "you're ok..' sniff' and your awake" she cried feeling a pair of arms wrap around her "hey there kiddo" lexiy whispered softly pulling her child into the bed leaning back slightly so they were both comfortable "aww that's so cute" void chuckled as he sat up "so babe what's up with you" void winked at nkita making the blue boy blush "iv told you to stop calling me that" nkita grumbled embarrassed "what oh come on you've gotta be kidding your my catch and im yours end of the discussion" void pouts acting like the little kid he is. Nkita shook his head in disappointment before hearing the room door open again "yo!" He heard the voice of his brother "oh hey Monos ho-" "There's the birthday boy!!" Void interrupted nkita "eh eh thanks dude" "no problem bro" the two laughed. 

Monos looked over to star his eyebrows burrowed seeing the wires and needless in her hurt him "hey there starshine how are you, sweetie?" He gently touched her cheek "I know you can here me and I'll be waiting for you ya know" he blushed slightly when her head tilted onto his hand. He smiled seeing a small smile on her face softly kissing her forehead "best present ever" he smiles "creep" nkita jabbed in "As if you have room to talk" Monos glared at his younger brother" are we getting me out of here or what" lex groaned "mom you still se-" "mom?!! No more mama?" Lexiy teared up "what did you do to my baby girl!" Lexiy cried hugging amaniz tighter crying crocodile tears "u-um I did nothing…" nkita void and Monos sweatdropped "nothing happened mom I just grew out of mama its kinda babyis-" the young wizard was interrupted by her wallowing mother "WHHHAAA" she cried making her daughter laugh at her antics "eh eh there we go..i missed your cute little giggles " lexiy smiled happily crushing her child "ack-..mom….cant….breaaathhh"  the brunette struggled her face slowly turning blue "ahh sorry!!" She let go "what no fair wanna go too" void pouted "sorry but your not quite healed yet for you to be up and drinking" nkita chuckled "fine baby you better bring me back cake" void snuggled into his blanket slowly passing out.

-meanwhile-

Xarna walked down the dark hallways "miss I'll be going now" she bowed "xarna...you remember your mission correct after all you do still want that happily ever after right" she could hear the voice smirk "y-yes I do" she stutters "good 433, gem frosghen go with her and send my happy birthday" the voiced ordered"yes ma'am" the cheery voice of the purple-head cheered "oh god gem stop doing that voice!" The pink frog groaned "oh shut it frosghen!" Gem pouted "we should get moving" 433 suggested as the 4 went on there way.

-scene skip-

"Ughhh can I open my eyes now?!" Monos groaned "nope keep them on bro!" Nkita chuckled as silence took over, only the wheels of the wheelchair could be heard "am I moving to slow mom?" Amaniz asked looking down at her mother as she pushed her around "im quite fine its ok amaniz" lexiy smiled "I hope to god there done by the time we get there" nkita grumbled "it's not to far see its right in front of us" amaniz pointed out "ok cool what is it?" Monos groaned "yoouuuullll see" nkita smirked evilly "creep" "oh shut it!!"

Nkita slowly opened the door and slowly left Monos' side "ehh kiki where are you...dont tell your planning on killing me now" he heard some heald in laughter before taking off his blindfold "SURPRISE HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONOS!" his friends cheered "aww you guys I thought I side no big party" he chuckled "as if we would go small" lucy smiled "now lets party!!!" Natsu cheered "yeah!!!" The guild said in unison,

They all laughed, and yelled and parted into the night

The party was slowly starting to die down. Monos went outside for a little fresh air "ahh man thises guys are the best" he chuckled taking a sip of his drink "are you having fun? Big cousin?" A voice asked him "huh whos there?!" He looked around "aww that's cold" the voice whined he continued to look around the frowned...but soon recognized the voice "no way...how your dead" he muttered softly "well I was...but I have been reborn... I will make you pay for what you and cousin nkita did to me! I thought you loved me!!" The voice cried "we do and we regret what we did but it was the only way to save you im sorry" he teared "if you want I'll make you a new body one so realistic no one's notice!!" He cried "we really miss you" he dried his tears "hmmmm no I already have a new body and they're oh so nice to have me in them I will get my revenge you've earned my mercy for now...but she hasn't she will pay for her sins" the voice grew demonic "but iv seem to overstayed my welcome ill see you both soon the game is on~" the voice faltered. Monis looks down at his drink "I hope to god im just tripping the 500-year war is not something that should happen again...ughhhh there goes my party mood...welp time to get dru-eh" he froze seeing a slightly levied chara " so she wishes to kill me as I did her huh...alright then" "chara please dont the last thing we need is all hell to break loose!" Monos warned her "just a few more people Monos-dear then we'll see the time if fate is nit something I can control….but I can ruin it now go enjoy your birthday" she smirked as she disappeared into snow like dust……."good god I need to get drunk" Monos sighed as he heads back in.

[infcrnos]

@keytoyourheart

{ +･ﾟ✧ ARON PIPER, HE/HIM | there’s no way the killer doesn’t know who ( JOAQUIN CORONA ) is. even i know they’re a ( JUNIOR ) studying ( ARCHITECTURE ) and known as ( THE HELLION ). they’re ( 21 ) years old and i think everyone knows they’re the ( PRESIDENT ) of ( PHI ETA BETA ). one time their phone went off in class and it was ( SAME DAMN TIME ) by ( FUTURE ). }

intangible, enigmatic, hellraiser, rebellious, the spontaneous insurgent, one who runs and has no problem never turning back, would rather be somewhere nobody knows, easier to be an asshole than to come to terms with any of his feelings. he hides in plain sight. everyone thinks they know him but he only shows what he wants. it’s easier like that.

everyone calls him key

whispers he’s an aquarius 

he is currently bicurious

two older sisters are super studious and rational/responsible

luna “lu” fuentes, twenty-nine

emilia “mila” fuentes, twenty-four

he is more of a partier, risk-taker, knows what he wants to do with his life but he isnt academically drive like he gets his shit done but totally a procrastinator, is more into going with the flow

is the youngest of the three corona kids

he was the closest to his father, santiago corona, who died a few years earlier

parents split up when key was 

key is also really close to his paternal grandmother

mother, lourdes cicci byrne; has a hard time with key because hes a lot like his father

hes not super close with his sisters because of a few reasons, but they are just a lot different than him

luna is pretty stuck-up “like her mother

values education and power over relationship

key and luna dont get along because she always make him feel dumb and he never takes her situations seriously

they have had a step-father since he was 9

vincent byrne. they get along, have had more heart to hearts than he and his own mother have

corona siblings have a half sister

julia byrne, 14 years old

she is everything to key, they get along the best

he gets along least wtih mila

mila looks out for him though and will be most helpful when he really needs it or he least expects it despite their major differences

many things have contributed to their estranged relationship

she feels like he was always dads favorite and is hurt by it even though shes unaware that he (dad) was proud of her because she never voiced how she felt

luna was always closest with the mother so mila often felt like an outcast

key had sex with one of milas college friends on her birthday; the only time key had ever been invited to one of her parties and she regretted it right after

he is impulsive and low key sensitive and he will gladly 

he’s definitely a hell raiser and is basically a man child

he is working on being more empathetic i guess??? he overthinks a lot of things but usually his reaction to a situation is like the opposite of how hes feeling??? like a defense mechanism. i think he’s just hurting a lot and doesn’t know how to properly vent it or doesnt want to talk about it even though its always on his mind

the problematic fave and by problematic fave i mean his emotions are so up and down that he has a hard time taking himself seriously so he just DOESNT but has a great heart and his friends are his family because his relationship with his family isnt great (minus step father, kinda) but he’s a sweetieeee and low key SOFT

he is v aggressive though like he is most likely to start the fight and end it

he is least likely to remember ur name

and definitely has his frat letters tatted on his ass

he also makes music!!!! the basement of phi eta beta is where he makes his beats and stuff its kind of a hidden talent so

some quotes

“i talk a lot, so i’ve learned to just tune myself out.”

“the breadsticks are like crack.”

“i just think tadpoles are funky lil’ dudes.”

“who does a bitch have to kiss around here to get a cream soda?“

“oh, sorry! you can continue. don’t let me distract you.” *unintentionally making loud noises, dropping things, being generally distracting*

“drunk people don’t feel pain!”

“i was just hiding behind witticism to mask the resentment of an unfulfilled childhood.” followed by an awkward laugh to make it seem like he’s joking.

“sadly, it appears our phalluses have lead us astray.”

connections!!!

ride or die AND we make music bitchhh:

fwb

we’re homies and we tell each other things that most people have to beg for us to tell them also when you’re too drunk so i take you home also when we’re both really drunk we fuck but i bring u home after and it aint even that serious and if anyone wants to fight u send them my way

best friends fuhevaaaa

really close because of charlie: zara

enemies!!! because key wants all the static

enemies or misunderstood one another turned homies

party friends that just get really messed up together

ex gf, he cheated: jessa

i will just keep making fun of you because i hate you

other exes

the boy he likes???? 

guy he hooked up with and is like omg u make me question everything and now i’m trying to avoid u but i keep staring

unrequited or they think its unrequited 

his ex’s best friend that he hooked up with idk

somebody who knew his dad???

teammates bc i think ill put him on the soccer team

enemies but only because assumptions they’ve made about one another but now a creepy guy is hitting on you so im going to pretend im your boyfriend

they’re not really friends but get put into a situation where they realize they have more in common than they thought or are kinda friends but neither really ever want to admit it???

secret friends or secret lovers

we’re stuck in this elevator i guess we should talk about our life stories

omg i had sex with your sibling and you saw me naked that one time accidentally this is awkward

our exes are on a date so lets go on a date??? and/or help me make this person jealous

his big

in the same frat but hate each other

we go on adventures together

childhood friends

we both hate that person

key will protect at all costs

you’re the opposite of me and yet here we are

someone he practices soccer with???

someone who is genuinely good for him like so wholesome and makes him do sweet lil things unintentionally

[egotisticalee]

angelii-ii replied to your post

“angelii-ii: ok but them talking about pain reminded me of some of my...”

oh I'm down if you want to talk about them dude fdjhgfdjh

you know what? its pain story time gsdfdsfsdfsd ill put em all under a read more. tws for a couple vague mentions of blood, some unsanitary kinda stuff, menstruation, brief mention of surgery (not in any detail) and some detailed descriptions of a whole lotta pain.

okay so in remembering all my pain stories, ive remembered quite a few injuries i got when i was little, that i dont really remember the pain of, i just remember that it was painful, including

falling (with extra momentum) and splitting my gum open on cobblestones

getting smashed in the face with a dodgeball

that time i got a throat infection so bad that breathing hurt and i sat in the school office for several hours before my mum picked me up

falling off monkey bars, landing on my butt and being so winded that i couldn’t speak for ten minutes

being pulled over by my nana’s dog, landing on my shoulder and yet again being winded, this time so bad that i couldn’t breathe in for about ten seconds and for those ten seconds i genuinely thought i might die

that time i got a bladder infection - i remember writhing in pain in the backseat of my mum’s car as she drove me to A&E but i don’t really actually remember the pain

the chronic stomachaches i would have that i recently realised might be connected to my possible lactose intolerance/sensitivity and the fact that i pretty much only drank milk as a child (can you guess how the bladder infection happened)

with doing pole, i constantly get covered in bruises and such and a lot of moves cause some low-level pain but that’s because of the grip - the pain is mostly due to like, the pulling on the skin and its never really more than a few bruises and some tender skin on the thighs (except for that time where i somehow tore the skin of my thigh... underneath the top layer of skin fsdsadsa). the closest i’ve gotten to a proper pole injury is falling out of a duchess onto my arse and being a little more bruised that usual, and the several times in the past couple months that i’ve smashed my head into the pole whilst doing a flying cat at full power. 

and honestly pole has done a lot for my pain threshold. it’s like, i notice the pain is there, but it doesn’t bother me because i’ve felt it so often. and its also because i know that the pain of keeping this grip is way way less than the pain that i will feel if i let go sdfsdfsdfsd i find myself with so many small bruises now that i know aren’t from pole because of the position of them but i cant think where i got them - because they’re probably from bumping into things and that pain is so small and common to me that i immediately forget about it

on the other hand i also have. really bad hips. and sometimes when im just moving, ill catch a nerve and a shot of pain will go through my entire leg and that shit hurts. ive noticed it most commonly happens if i twist when im stepping somewhere but i dont turn the leg thats planted. i was also once balancing on one leg whilst putting a sock on and my hip just. popped out. and i think it immediately went back but i couldnt properly move that leg for ten minutes and i was in a fair bit of pain

my worst pain experiences though... hoo boy. i kinda narrowed them down to three.

im afab and i have periods so of course i gotta deal with cramps every so often, and they can get pretty bad - just like, doubled over, seeking out anything warm to put on my stomach. i’d say about a 5 on the pain scale. but after my gsce exams (exams that uk kids take in year 11 which is the equivalent of sophomore year of high school. they’re the first exams you take that you get an actual qualification from) i didnt have my period for 3 months. and if im late on my period, my cramps get bad. so on the 17th august, a week before my 16th birthday, ya boy was in fucking agony and for some reason in my brain i was also vehemently against taking any painkillers. eventually my nana convinced me to take one of her morphine tablets though and i felt way better hdfgdsff

theres also the time last november when i got an ear infection. earlier that day i had had a massive nosebleed that lasted for about 20 minutes and made me feel super woozy, so along with all the shit that came with dealing with that (i had to go to A&E to get checked out) it was already a pretty rough day. and then that evening my ear started hurting real bad and it just progressively got worse, and i hardly slept that night at all. i was in pure agony by like. 1am and it lasted the entirety of the night, no matter that i took painkillers. the only reprieve i got was at one point, i was watching yt videos and an ad for headspace came on, and i listened along to the meditation thingy it was doing, but of course once the ad was over, the pain was back full force and i could do nothing but cry (so of course i started to get a headache on top of all of it). thankfully once i got to the doctors the next day and got some antibiotics, it cleared up super fast. i was also talking to darkwarf (i wont tag him so he doesnt have to read this fdsffds) and funnily enough our talks that night were what birthed his character teddy.

and then what i think is officially the worst pain ive ever been in, was the first time i got my tailbone infection. me and my mum went on a coach to a roller derby game and at the end of the day my tailbone was aching quite a bit, as if i’d bruised it. i brushed it off as just being the fact that i had sat in shitty coach seats for several hours, then uncomfortable plastic chairs for more hours, then shitty coach seats again. the next day though. ya boi was in agony again. i could not find any way to be comfortable - the closest i could get to comfort was standing. every movement of my hips was pure pain and i couldnt walk properly. the pain was so bad i just could not put one foot in front of the other and i ended up walking by essentially swiveling on each foot and keeping my hips as still as possible.  the worst part was when my mum drove me to the walk in centre - although i knew that i was going to where i would be helped, the car. oh, the car. somethign about that seat - and since this infection has recurred several times, i know it is a feature of all car seats - maybe it was the angle, or whatever, but it was pure agony to sit in. i spent the whole car ride with my arm on the car door and my other hand on the car seat, holding myself up to make it not so bad, but with every bump of the car, pain was fucken. shooting through me. it would take me like 10 full seconds to lower myself into a chair or push myself out of one.  sleeping was awful cause i sleep on my side and i turn quite a few times before i can get to sleep - and of course turning with my hips how they were was incredibly painful. im not very vocal when it comes to pain but this thing had me yelping and everything. plus the antibiotics i had to take were fucking miserable. they tasted absolutely disgusting and i had to have them 4 times a day on an empty stomach (no food 2 hours before or 1 hour after) for 2 week and it was awful. this bastard is also recurring. the last time it got super bad was funnily enough about a week after my ear infection. honestly yall. late nov-dec 2018 was the worst fucken time for my physical health. but actually! in 2020 i am hopefully getting a surgery to stop the infections once and for all! but with the way the NHS is going, honestly who fucking knows. i do know that i will hunt down and kill boris johnson if he stops me getting this surgery.

[watchmegetobsessed]

Crush // Shawn Mendes mini-series part 2

part 2 wohoooo!! this is honestly such a cute story i love writing it, im currently finishing the last part so i’ll probably update very soon!

part 1

masterlist

The awkwardness soon vanishes. This clear new chapter we just opened with Shawn allows me to loosen up and just enjoy a nice evening. Aaliyah and Eric seems satisfied with the outcome, the parents seem to hit it off quite easily and when we leave they already start making plans for another meetup.

“It was so nice meeting you!” Karen sighs happily as she hugs goodbye to all of us.

“You too, email me that recipe you told me about!” Mom points at her and she nods her head laughing.

I’m just about to step out of the house when Aaliyah grabs my wrist and pulls me back. I look at her with furrowed eyebrows.

“I need your help with a little something. Can you come over sometime tomorrow?” she whispers confidentially.

“Um, yeah. Around what time?” I ask.

“Three pm?”

“Sure,” I smile at her and she lets go of me.

On the way back home I’m thinking about what Aaliyah could need help with and the only thing I have in mind is Eric’s birthday that is on the 29th. She must be planning something special for him.

I call Maddi around midnight when I’m already in my pj’s, but I know she must be still up, maybe even drunk. For my surprise, she answers the phone quite modestly.

“How was the family union?” she asks chewing on something. I throw the cushions off of my bed and crawl under the blanket.

“Um, very interesting,” I chuckle closing my eyes and just shaking my head at the thought of the evening.

“Uh, spill the tea!” She cheers clearly very thirsty for some drama, though this story is not as juicy as she would want it.

“Guess who Aaliyah’s brother is!” I say, but I don’t expect an answer so I just continue. “Shawn Effing Mendes.”

“What?! Are you kidding me?” She gasps. “How did Eric forget to tell you this small detail?”

“Apparently, he thought it doesn’t matter to me, which is kind of true, but there is more.”

“What more? Did he hit on you? Because I’m not talking to you again if he did. He is hot!”

“No, he didn’t, but what you don’t know is that we have history.”

“Okay, now I’m confused!? How do I not know about this?”

“Well, remember my ex, Dylan? I told you about him.”

“Yeah, the asshole who cheated on you,” she hums.

“Well, Dylan and Shawn used to be best buds when we started dating, but the guy hated my guts, or so I thought. He was always mean to me, talking against me and just… avoiding me like the plague.”

“I thought he is the nicest person on earth.”

“He might be now, but when I knew him, he treated me like shit. So it was pretty awkward to see him again after all these years.”

“And how did it go? Was he an ass again?”

“No. He was… nice. Well, we both acted awkward in the beginning, I didn’t know if he would continue his act with me, but he turned out to be nice. And then at one point he told me he is sorry for everything in the past and he was just acting like that because he wanted to amuse Dylan.”

I turn to my side and stare out the window.

“That’s good, right? I mean, he grew out that mean phase and he is all good now.”

“Yeah, it’s just still weird to be around someone I knew from my Dylan phase.”

“But it’s Eric who is dating Aaliyah, why would you be constantly around him?”

“Aaliyah asked me to go over tomorrow, I think she is trying to put a surprise together for Eric’s birthday, so I’m spending the afternoon at the Mendes house.”

“Oh, then keep me updated about the details and sneak me a shirtless photo of Shawn please.”

“Maddi!” I scoff laughing. “Why would I even see him shirtless?”

“Maybe he likes wandering around in his home without clothes on, how would I know?!”

“Unbelievable. I’m going to sleep.”

“Bye bitch,” she sighs making me roll my eyes at her smiling.

“Bye.”

  I sleep late the next day, it’s past noon when I actually make it downstairs looking like a real human being. Eric and Dad are watching a documentary on WW II. while Mom is reading the newspaper at the dining table. I join her with a bowl of cereal.

“Do you have any plans for today?” She smiles at me over her narrow glasses as she turns a page. I lean closer hitting a confidential tone.

“I’m helping Aaliyah today, she asked me to go over around three.”

“Oh, birthday surprise for Eric?” she asks clearly excited.

“I think yeah.”

“Great. And you will probably see Shawn again.” Winking at me she puts the papers down.

“Why does that matter?” I ask with my mouth full. She caresses my cheek before standing up and walking over to the sink for some water.

“Isn’t he a nice young man? I think the two of you would look cute together.”

“Mom, you are literally talking about the biggest pop sensation, he is not really the kind of guy who just casually dates,” I say.

In my mind all these celebrities are living their wildest life. Even if I were interested in Shawn in any way, I’m pretty sure I couldn’t even get in the game, he must have thousands of girls waiting for him in line. We are not really on the same page.

“Oh, come on. You guys knew each other in high school, you have a past, that connection must mean something!”

“He was an ass to me!” I blurt it out making her eyebrows raise.

“He was? What did he do?”

“It’s nothing,” I roll my eyes, but Mom gives me a demanding look. “He just didn’t seem to like me no matter what I did, he was avoiding me most of the time when I was with Dylan and also made some pretty rude comments sometimes.”

“Maybe he was into you,” Mom shrugs and I almost choke on the milk.

I start coughing like I’m about to die and my eyes start watering when I’m finally able to breathe evenly again.

“No fucking way!”

“Charlie! Language!” She hisses at me, but there is a smile hiding in her eyes. “You know, young boys tend to do it. They are mean to the girls they like.”

“Mom, it wasn’t in kindergarten, it was ninth grade or something. I think he just really didn’t like me back then and I don’t blame him.” I was annoying, thinking back at it. But hey, all teens are annoying!

“You can never know,” she sighs.

 I totally ignore the theory Mom tried to make me believe, there is absolutely no chance of the nonsense she told me, and this is what I keep telling myself as I’m on my way to the Mendes house.

“Hey!” Aaliyah greets me with a wide smile. She is now wearing some more comfortable clothes than the last two times I saw her, the grey sweats and lose white shirt must be her home wear. “Come in! My parents are out at a friend’s place, and Shawn…” she starts, but just when she is about to finish he appears on the top of the stairs.

“Is here,” he chimes in. I look up and there he is, in a pair of checked pj pants and a black shirt. Looking at it, I think Aaliyah has his shirt on, it seems like the same size.

“Hi,” I smile at him.

“Come, let’s sit.” I follow Aaliyah into the living room and we sit down to the couch next to their Christmas tree. From the corner of my eyes I see Shawn going into the kitchen and for a moment I’m actually disappointed he is not coming with us.

“So. I want to surprise Eric with cooking for him, but I have no idea what. I tried to find out what’s his favorite, but he says it’s his favorite to everything!” she growls frustrated. I shake my head laughing.

“That’s typical.”

“Yeah. So do you have anything in mind?”

“Well, he really like tiramisu. He can eat tons of it, all the time. That’s good for dessert,” I offer. Aaliyah has her phone in her hands and she is typing everything I say down.

“Okay, got it.”

“Um, he likes gazpacho. He thinks it sounds fancy and you know, he likes everything with ketchup, so a soup that tastes like tomato was made for him.”

“Oh yeah, he pours so much ketchup into his sandwiches, it’s crazy,” she rolls her eyes jokingly. “Okay, so gazpacho. Anything else?”

“Um…” I try to think about the times we went to restaurants and Eric got really excited over the food. “Oh, we were once at a place and he ordered grilled mushrooms and he couldn’t stop moaning, it was very embarrassing, but I guess this meant he really liked it.”

“Grilled mushrooms, perfect,” she nods to herself noting everything down. “Do you mind helping me pick out his gift too? I have a few ideas, I want to go into the city and buy it tomorrow, I already looked up some jumpers online, but I can’t really decide.”

“Sure, show me!”

We spend the next thirty minutes scrolling through everything she had saved as a possible gift. She found some really nice ones, her taste is fantastic. As the time is passing I’m starting to feel like I’m with a friend and not with my brother’s girlfriend and I’m just hoping Eric will keep her around for a long time.

She asks me to stay a little bit longer so she can show me the awkward photos she has taken of Erik since they’ve been dating, but she gets a call and excuses herself quickly. I stay there in the living room, looking around a bit, I haven’t really had the chance yesterday, I was too occupied with the situation.

Shawn walks in, this time he has a headband on, keeping his locks back from his face.

Damn, Maddi is right. He is hot.

I shake my head at the thoughts and try to look as casual as possible.

“How is the birthday planning going?” he asks plopping down on the couch next to me.

“Good, Aaliyah basically had everything right, I just had to choose the best options.”

“How crazy is that our younger siblings are dating? I mean, I was thinking about it yesterday, the last time I saw Eric, he was about twelve or something. No wonder why I didn’t recognize him when I met him,” he chuckles and I nod agreeing. Aaliyah changed a lot in the past years too.

“Yeah. Strange that they are not babies anymore. I mean, I’m still mad that Eric is taller than me.”

“Oh I remember how you always wanted to get taller!”

“You remember?” I ask surprised. I used to never stop talking about my height, later I accepted my fate.

“Yeah, I remember once you told Dylan how you want to wear the highest heels to the dance so you two can be the same height.”

I laugh at the memory. I remember it too, it was quite early in our relationship and Dylan asked me out for the Halloween dance. I wanted to look taller and told Dylan I would wear heels. Of course, I ditched the plan as I found out how uncomfortable they are and ended up wearing my Converse.

“And at the end I looked like a punk princess with my Converse and mini skirt,” I scoff at the thought of my outfit for that night.

“I think you looked pretty,” Shawn says and I look at him. I catch his small smile before he shakes his head clearing his throat. What the Hell? “High school feels so far away, right?” he quickly says.

“Um, well for you I guess, for me… not really,” I chuckle shaking my head. “Your life got turned upside down, but not much has happened to me since then.”

“What? I don’t believe you. I’m sure you’ve been having plenty of fun. Parties, dates and everything.”

I can’t help, a sad smile plasters across my face. He can’t be more wrong.

“Not really… I had some rough years after Dylan and I split.”

“Can I ask what happened? I mean, after the split,” he shyly asks.

“Well, since I was a dumb naïve little girl, I needed an entire year before I could even think about getting to know other guys. Now it all just seems like the biggest bullshit. I shouldn’t have cared that much. And I’m not a fan of partying, I only go out on birthdays and maybe New Year’s Eve,” I shrug. Maddi has been trying to boost me up a bit, she attempts to drag me out every month or so, but I’m really not that kind of type. I thought I was, when I was with Dylan, he was a popular guy, I kept going to these lame parties with him in the last year of our relationship, but I never really enjoyed them. Shawn was long gone by then.

“I’m sorry Dylan played you so bad.”

“It’s fine, I mean, not your fault,” I chuckle. “But what happened to you and him?”

He sighs scratching the back of his neck.

“Not sure, I guess we grew apart and I realized that he is an ass. When I became a private student we kept in touch, but I met new people and I saw how different a friendship can be, so… I cut him off, I guess.”

“Did you guys fight?”

“Not really,” he shakes his head. “Well, we had one last very awkward phone call when I was in Atlanta, if I remember right. It was forced and… just awkward, really,” he chuckles shaking his head.

“And your life has been better since Dylan is out of it, right?” I grin at him.

“Yeah, you must know about it.”

I laugh nodding. I know everything about it!

Before I could even think about what I’m saying, my mouth just opens and the words roll down.

“The only good thing I got from my relationship with Dylan is that I know you now.”

My eyes widen and I wish I could take it back.

“I- uh I mean…”

I don’t even know why I’m so nervous suddenly, I didn’t even tell much. But for some reason, I can feel myself blushing.

“I meant that he basically ruined my senior year and I needed so much time to get myself over him, but at least now we can talk like, normal people,” I quickly add somehow saving the situation.

“What do you mean he ruined your senior year?” he asks with furrowed eyebrows and I’m happy he didn’t get caught up on what I said before that.

“Well, he successfully made me push all my friends away, leaving me totally alone when we broke up.”

“Wait, what? How about that friend of yours, um… I don’t remember her name, you always sat together at lunch.”

“Rochelle. Oh Dylan played us dirty. He told me Rochelle keeps hitting on him and being my dumb naïve self I believed him and not her. We had this huge fight and I called her a bitch. No wonder why she didn’t care about me when I was alone in the last couple of months of senior year.”

“Ouch, that sounds horrible. I’m sorry he did that.”

“Why did we even like Dylan in the first place?” I ask laughing to myself. It still bothers me how blind I was, I wish I could just shake myself.

“I have no idea!” He sighs rolling his eyes. “I’m sorry your senior year got fucked up, I wish I could be there to have lunch with you.”

I turn to him and swear to God he is blushing! And it is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I feel the urge to touch him, anywhere, to take his hand in mine, but I stop myself.

“That’s… nice. Thank you,” I whisper touched.

As I’m staring at him I realize this is probably the closest I’ve ever been to him. I wonder how many girls want to be in my position, they see the popstar, the heartthrob from the stage, while all I see is the guy who used to be mean to me in high school but now we are friendlier than ever. I could never see him as a celebrity.

“Okay, so I found some- Oh am I bothering?” Aaliyah walks into the room with her phone in her hands and she is giving me a knowing look. I quickly clear my throat turning away from Shawn.

“No, you girls just… do your thing. I have to make a few calls.”

Shawn jumps up from the couch patting his sister’s shoulder before walking out of the room. Aaliyah takes his place, still grinning.

“What?” I ask her playing dumb.

“You guys… I felt the sparkle,” she says wiggling her eyebrows.

“What sparkle? Aaliyah, you see everything in pink because of my brother.”

“Oh stop, don’t tell me you don’t like him.”

“I don’t know him,” I say truthfully. “The last time I saw him I was dating a douche and he was also being a douche to me. I can’t tell if I like him, because I don’t know his new self.”

“But you seem to get along with him pretty well and I’m sure you are attracted to him.”

“I’m not talking about this with you, you are his sister!” I gasp feeling myself blushing again.

“Whatever. But I think you two would look cute together.”

I refuse to carry on with the conversation about me and Shawn and Aaliyah fortunately doesn’t force it on me. I leave the Mendes house around five, Aaliyah thanks me the help and I can’t help but feel disappointed I don’t see Shawn anywhere when I’m leaving. Aaliyah’s speech about me and Shawn is slowly getting to me.

By dinner, all my thoughts are racing around him and soon I find myself stalking his social media profiles. I knew he is very famous, but seeing the numbers on his pages makes me gasp. Millions of people are following him, waiting for him to post anything. The last photo he uploaded to his Instagram is with his family, Karen and Manny are smiling proudly into the camera while Shawn and Aaliyah are messing around next to them. Before I could realize what I’m doing I double tap the picture liking it.

“Oh shit,” I suck my breath in. I hesitate, but then I realize how dumb this is. He must be getting millions of notes every minute, he won’t see this.

Gaining some confidence from this, I decide to follow him and continue my stalking session. I’m a few months deep into his profile when I get a notification. Opening the tab my eyes widen.

shawnmendes followed charlieprkr

I guess I was wrong about the notification getting lost. A moment later I see that he has liked two of my photos.

One was taken on a family vacation. Eric and I are posing at the beach, I have a red swimsuit on and the wind is blowing my wavy blonde hair that was so much lighter back than from all the sunshine. The other one is a picture Maddie took of me last month. I’m sitting in our armchair with a mug of tea in my hands, smiling shyly at the camera. We had Christmas lights in the window and the lights made me look colorful in the photo.

I’m just about to put the phone down and go to bed when I get a dm. I’m not surprised to see Shawn’s username, but I definitely get excited.

shawnmendes I’m happy I’m not the first one to accidentally like your photo, though I was minutes away from that haha

I smile at the message rolling my eyes.

charlieprkr Ha. Ha. I was hoping I can easily hide in the millions of your followers.

shawnmendes You could have, if only I weren’t stalking your profile as well. Fate?

charlieprkr I guess.

My fingers linger across the keyboard, trying to think of something else to write and keep the conversation up, but nothing comes to my mind. I almost give up when I get another message from him.

shawnmendes I’m in a nostalgic mood, I want to have a walk in the neighborhood, around our school tomorrow. Would you like to join me?

My smile grows wider than ever reading his lines.

charlieprkr Totally.

shawnmendes Great! Sometime around 4 pm?

charlieprkr Perfect. Where?

shawnmendes I’ll meet you at your house and we’ll go from there.

charlieprkr Then see you tomorrow!

shawnmendes Yeah, good night Charlie.