#i dont even know how many i have. i have way too many & it's been several years since ive done a group count

[thedisablednaturalist]

I dont know if it’s something youve been asked before, and i dont know how to really phrase my thoughts. But whats it like working in like environmental things well disabled? Have you met many, or any, other disabled people in the field? I’m 16, and ever since I was little I’ve had so much passion for environmental education in particular, and it was a field I wanted to go into for a long time. Sadly it seems like my body has other plans, I’m currently at a point where I might have to drop out of highschool because managing class and disability is too much, and so college feels impossible. And when it was mostly mental stuff I had thought about maybe joining americorps or something because it looked like they’ll take people with a ged and then I could still do work I care about, but I’ve only ever met one physically disabled person doing anything related to the environment and stuff (there’s a person with leg braces and a service dog who works at the local aquarium) so I never really get a chance to ask about this stuff

so idk, sorry if I’m rambling a lot and hard to understand. If it makes you feel any better I’ve cornered every environmental educator I’ve met the last year or so (and I go to a project based environmental charter school thing, so I meet a lot) and asked them a lot of questions too. Especially since my school encourages us to think about future careers and what skills we need

so idk, I want to know. What’s it like? Is it hard? What did you have to do to get the job you have now? Do you regret it, would you choose something different if you could go back? Do you have any advice?

I hope you’re having an ok day, and that I’m not too annoying, and thank you if you even took the time to read this far. -🌱

no no don't apologize, this is exactly what this blog is for. When I started my journey I couldn't find any outspoken disabled environmentalists or any resources for people like us. So I started this blog to compile resources and share what I've learned as my career has progressed. I want everyone regardless of physical or mental state to be able to pursue their passions in environmental science and conservation.

Honestly, this field has a long way to go still. Even big institutions like the Smithsonian haven't quite figured it out yet. But there is definitely a shift happening. I've been seeing so many more disabled young people interested in this field and its amazing. I saw another physically disabled student at the Smithsonian conservation biology institute when I visited as an alum a few weeks ago, and I believe I was one of if not the first person to attend as a wheelchair user (yeah they didn't know what to do with me 😮‍💨) I had a professor who directly singled me out for being a wheelchair user so you will unfortunately run into some bigots in this field.

However the federal government (im assuming you are in the US so apologies if you're not) especially during the Biden administration has been ramping up its hiring of Schedule A employees. Schedule A allows you to circumvent the competitive process through the WRP (workplace recruitment program) once you've graduated college (or GED). Schedule A can be provided by a doctor or disability counselor (My DARS office did mine, love DARS: it's free and every state has one). My manager is HOH as well as one of my new coworkers and I was of course recently hired by the EPA as well. The EPA is probably the most disability friendly place to work in our field, if not anywhere. It has its issues but I've been pretty much over-accommodated instead of under (sad I consider the minimum accommodations to feel excessive).

Here's some of the things I've learned so far:

1. My biggest advice to anyone your age wanting to get into this field is to volunteer volunteer volunteer!! You are most likely at a time where you can afford to work for free. Most environmental internships are unpaid unless you have prior experience with the organization. Try out a bunch of different experiences to find out what you like the most. I never would have thought I'd be a bug person until I did my first invertebrate stream assessment. I got into environmental science late in my college career so it took me a lot longer to figure out what I wanted to do. Get as much experience as you can while you are still supported by your parents and don't have to worry about things like rent or bills. Some organizations are trying to change this so people from lower incomes can still have the same opportunities, but it still has a ways to go. Notably zookeepers have to work either for free or for dirt cheap for a couple years before they get hired full time.

2. Be prepared to lose out on your dream job due to your disability(s). I'm going to be frank and not spout any of that "you can do anything you put your mind to" bullshit. Yes, most things CAN be done by anyone with the right accommodations, but in a field where a large percentage of the work is done physically, you will be unable to do some types of jobs. I'm not saying it's impossible to get your dream job with disabilities, but it's a very common experience for us. For example, I looked into working on a boat. In a perfect world, I'd be given limitless accommodations and time to rest but on a boat that is extremely difficult. You can't take sick days whenever you need them. This was the same thing I had to realize when I was offered my dream job in my dream location: A stream specialist field technician for the USGS in Portland Oregon. I absolutely loved working in the field, and yes there are many of us who do/did fieldwork using mobility aids. I miss fieldwork everyday. But I had to turn it down. I knew deep down I couldn't handle it, having scheduled in advance field excursions that I couldn't postpone, having to hike in difficult terrain in remote locations, even moving across the entire country, at least at the time, was improbable. I was barely holding on at my field job where I did have safety nets. I just couldn't justify the financial and physical strain as well as the risk if I wasn't able to do the job and became unemployed. It broke my heart to give it up and I'm still grieving. But I do enjoy my current job and it lets me prioritize my health. No longer do I just work and sleep because work would take up all my spoons. I've been drawing and gaming and spending more time with loved ones. It is an unfortunate fact of life that sometimes what we want isn't what we need. Being disabled means that sometimes we have to make hard decisions that abled people don't ever have to think about. It's part of the grieving process for those of us who were abled at some point. I can't speak on what it's like for those with lifelong disabilities from birth, but I know its hard for them too.

3. Ok yeah 2 was a huge bummer, but here's where it gets better: When one door with stairs closes, a door with a ramp opens. There will be other opportunities. This field isn't just fieldwork despite what most people think. You don't have to be a super strong ranger that can hike 20 miles in a day without breaking a sweat to do environmental work. The field needs people who take what the guys outside collect and analyze it, research it, visualize it, present on it, take care of it, write about it, archive it, make art of it, etc etc etc. There are so many organizations that need people who can do data analysis and administration. Working at a desk doesn't make you less of an environmentalist. Plus that's not all, you can work in a lab or work with smaller creatures like bugs or herps or fish or you could do botany or geology! You don't need to be able to go out and get them yourself to work with them. Being able to save energy during my workday allows me to pursue my passions like collecting bugs and swimming. I can volunteer with citizen science projects or conservation orgs and still do fieldwork, but because its not a job I can do it when I feel up to it, I don't have to push myself to keep going because I'm worried about being fired. I currently work as a data analyst for the EPA and I work mostly from home so I can do my work without suffering. Yea data analysis isn't my favorite thing in the world but your job doesn't have to be. Sometimes a job is something that makes you money so you can do your passions outside of it. But I am happy the work I do supports something I am passionate about (supporting states so they can clean up more sites and thus have cleaner water).

4. You'll have to learn how to advocate for yourself. Push against boundaries. Explore your options. Especially with doctors. You know yourself best, don't let anyone else define your boundaries for you, even me. If someone says you can't do something because of your disability, but you know that you actually can, tell them and be assertive about it. Many of us are seen as abrasive and rude, but to be a disabled person in a very abled centered world you gotta be. Don't let anyone hold you back because THEY feel uncomfortable. My coworkers at my old job were worried for me when I showed up to work with my crutches for the first time. But it actually made me BETTER at stream assessments (having four legs means you don't slip as much). I could do it even if I needed to take breaks and use mobility aids. Nowadays it's too much for me to be doing that but at the time it was within my limits. And sometimes, you'll overestimate yourself and end up flaring or hurting yourself. It's okay to make mistakes, it doesn't make you a bad person. At first you'll push through too much but as you learn your body's limits you'll get better at managing your disability. And sometimes a great memory is worth a week-long flare up. Its for YOU to decide what you can do.

That's all I can think of for now, I should probably get ready for bed soon. But just remember, there are more of us than they think and we can be capable, productive, and a benefit to the environmental movement no matter our ability or skills.

If you have anymore specific questions, or just need to talk, I'm always available (even if I might take a while to reply).

[anzynai]

Nothing Special

Scaramouche & Lumine (Genshin)

a/n: first fic of the year so i couldnt start it off with just anything. happy birthday scara!!! ur like my second favorite character and i surprisingly havent written for you that much (i know right?? 💔💔) anyways, he might be ooc since i dont write for him a lot but i hope its not too bad. disregard any typos you might see as well. someone needs to tickle him BAD. this was supposed to be posted later today but im impatient so youre welcome i guess. ANYWAYYYY i hope u guys enjoy <33333

summary: it’s scara’s birthday. tickles ensue.

wordcount: 1.5k

——

Scaramouche’s birthday had never been anything special to him. It was nothing but another day of the year. He couldn’t count how many of them he spent crying or alone. Or both.

Eventually, he became used to being alone. Instead of feeling sad or upset, he felt nothing.

He sat against the tree, reading a book he had gotten from the library at the Akademiya. He was barely a quarter in when a small bird flew atop of it, lightly pecking at his finger.

He stopped. Blinked.

“..Hello,” He muttered. The bird looked at him, chirping in response.

It hopped from the book to his wrist, its wings fluttering as it continued up his arm. Scara almost couldn’t help the smile that found its way onto his face as the bird finally perched on his shoulder, leaning against his neck.

“I suppose you can stay here. As long as you let me finish reading this,” He said to the bird. Again, another chirp, as if it actually understood.

He looked back at his book, only getting about two words in when..

“Oh, there you are!” He heard a voice calling out to him. As he was in the middle of nowhere, it was likely him who was being called. He looked to his right and lo and behold, it was the traveler walking towards him with a blue and green decorative box in her hands.

“..Hi,” Scara, the man of many words, said.

“Hi,” Lumine giggled, her expression bright as she walked up to the other. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Oh, then you must have really needed me,” Scara replied.

Without saying anything, Lumine handed him the box in her hands. It didn’t take a genius to assume what it was. “A gift?”

“Happy birthday, Scara!” Lumine exclaimed, clapping along to her words.

Scara ignored the flutter in his chest, heart warmed by the gesture, but he kept his face straight and controlled. Sometimes, he felt as though the traveller could tell what he was feeling because she tended to notice even the smallest cues.

Instead of focusing on that, he focused on pulling the ribbon from the gift, pulling open the box.

From inside it, he pulled out a small bag of the only candy he really had ever liked. Taking a curious glance at Lumine, he could notice how it looked like it pained even her to give him black licorice. For the sake of his birthday, she stayed silent. It was an amusing sight, perhaps even better than the candy itself, Scara thought to himself.

Inside, there was also a small stuffed doll that resembled him too much to be a coincidence. “Is this.. me?”

“Yeah, it was custom-made by me and a few others. What do you think?”

He got the urge to feel for the other doll he has in his pocket, so he does. He took it out, comparing the two.

“Now your doll has a playmate,” Lumine giggled to herself. It sounds childish, like being gifted a doll.

And yet, he found he liked it quite a bit. His lip quirked up just slightly, but Lumine caught the action anyway, if the gleam in her eyes had anything to say.

As if it was excited, the bird chirped gleefully in his ear, nuzzling and poking at his neck. “H-heheey! You stop that,” Scara gasped, scrunching his neck.

“You’re ticklish?” Lumine asked, cupping her hands over her mouth and suddenly, he felt a bit embarrassed.

“…Not at all,” He answered, lying.

“Really?” She tilted her head, staying silent for a moment that lingered too long to be anything but suspicious. Then a second later, she had this scary looking smirk that Scara found he didn’t particularly know where this was going. “So you won’t laugh or anything if I do this?”

The ‘this’ in question was Lumine quickly reaching out to grab his sides before he could stop her, squeezing gently. He flinched, unprepared and a blush arose on his pale skin.

“Lumine—“

“Ah, you lied,” Lumine tutted. “Birthday or not, don’t you think you deserve some form of punishment?”

Where was the almost too kind Lumine and who replaced her?

“Don’t you d-AHAHARE— stohop!” Scara felt his sides being kneading into some more, sensitive tingles spreading throughout his body unbearably. It was a feeling that was once foreign to him, but has since found himself quite found in these past months since meeting Nahida and a few others who insisted on bothering him each time they crossed paths. He hated to say that even then, he quite enjoyed their presence. He never realized how nice it was not being alone.

“You’re so cute! Who’d have thought you’d be so ticklish?” Lumine cooed, in a way where he couldn’t tell if she was teasing or didn’t realize the effect of her words. Her quick and nimble fingers found his ribs, lightly grazing and tracing over each rib. Like a piano, his laughter rose the higher she got. The bird, seemingly encouraged, began pecking gently against his neck again, causing him to scrunch up more, bringing his knees up to himself.

He felt the urge to kick out, but resisted with all his might, not particularly wanting to hurt Lumine or the bird.

“S-stohohop thihihis..!” He sputtered, trying to bite his lip to conceal his laughter, which apparently had the success rate of 0% if the fact that there was still laughter pouring from his lips was anything to go by.

“Should I give you some mercy for your birthday?”

“Luhuhumine! Y-you…!” Scara could barely say anything when she started digging into his underarms, a spot that he hadn’t known was so sensitive until recently.

“Yes? No? I need an answer,” Lumine sighed, slowly and dramatic. Scara wanted to roll his eyes, but he was a bit too distracted to pull off the action effectively.

He curled in on himself, his arms clamped to his sides, but Lumine was always stronger than she appeared, able to tickle him anyway. He felt much weaker by the tickling, which he was sure also helped give her the advantage.

“O-ohohokay, yehehes! Nohoho mohohore!” Scara shouted, at last, feeling overwhelmed by the ticklish sensations. Lumine relented, giggling proudly at herself. The bird continued pecking softly at his neck for a few more seconds, residual giggles falling from the wanderer’s lips. Eventually, it hopped onto his cupped hands.

“That was fun,” She admitted. “I don’t get to tickle people often, but I like making them laugh,” She added, with a sort-of melancholic look in her eye. Scara didn’t ask, getting the sense that she didn’t want to talk about it.

“For you, maybe,” He replied, to keep up appearances, but a part of him was already craving more.

“Now come on,” She stood, holding out her hand for him to grab. “Let’s go.”

“Go?” He asked, because he didn’t realize he was supposed to be anywhere.

“I’m not letting you spend your birthday alone—“ The bird chirped at that. “Okay, mostly alone, with your nose in a book. I’m taking you out to eat. My treat.” She insisted, flexing her fingers to urge him to grab her hand. This time, he took it.

He walked with her to a restaurant that he had always seen, but had always walked past. The second the doors opened, he squinted his eyes at the darkness.

“Are you sure this place is—“

“Surprise!” Multiple voices shouted out at once and the light flickered on. Confetti shot into the air, popping loudly.

Adjusting to the light, he saw that there were more people than he thought, all of them which he recognized as people he had, “against his will” he often claimed, became quite acquainted with.

Sethos. Nahida. Paimon. Tighnari and Cyno, as well as Kaveh and Alhaitham, the two pairs seemingly a package deal at gatherings like this. There was also Nilou and Collei. Even though he would never admit it, he had grew quite fond of each of them, getting along with him much better than he thought he was capable of.

“Happy birthday!” each of them congratulated him, and he mumbled his thanks in a bit of a daze. The tips of his ears were hot and no matter what he did, he couldn’t stop it.

“How are you feeling?” Lumine smiled next to him, as everyone chatted with one another. He heard Kaveh and Alhaitham bickering with each other as Nilou giggled at the sight. Collei and Sethos seemed to be engaged in conversation as well and Tighnari seemed to be miserable as Cyno tried to tell everyone bad joke after bad joke.

He grumbled. “There’s quite a bit of people here,” He replied. Lumine turned to look at him. “But I guess company like this isn’t so bad once in a while. So.. thank you.” He admitted, feeling himself turn a way, feeling a bit flustered as he fidgeted with his doll in his pocket.

Lumine chuckled beside him.

Thank you. He thought to himself. Maybe my birthday can be something special if I get to spend it with all of you.

[softness-and-shattering]

If I may respond, because I think its important to address trauma. I think as a collective as Jews we need to address our collective and generational trauma. Im learning how to do that individually which is the only way I know how to make a start.

There is a difference between fear and danger. Fear is a warning that there may be danger. Fear has obviously kept us alive as our ancestors, with an additional huge amount of luck or providence, got the hell out of dodge before it was too late, probably many many times over the millenia which is why we are here at all.

And it is normal human pattern-seeking behaviour to see awfulness and death wishes from people who identify a certain way, and become afraid of everyone similar to them. When its nazis, and the hate and violence are inherently part of the ideology, theres nothing to be done except take precautions and stay away. Someone should try rescue them from the lies and misery they've bought into, but as the target of their hate thats emphatically not our job.

When it comes to pride flags and BLM and id definitely like to believe watermelons, Jew hatred *shouldnt* be a central part of the identity. And I think thats where we have to take a look at fear as a coping mechanism, and evaluate how useful it is. Because it isnt the same as danger. At this point maybe lets say its an orange-to-red flag. Its not inherently danger but its something to watch out for.

And its not an obligation, to interact with people. If you need to shut down and stay in small safe circles then do that.

Its just that you say that you dont like how distrustful youve become. Ive been there and I hate it too. Two things, I guess. One is that connecting to people, trusting anyone, is inherently risky. Theres a level of intimacy and vulnerability involved even if youre just joking around with someone. For me, I dont want to become a hateful mistrustful shell of myself. What that means for me is extending some trust and knowing I could ger hurt by it. Thats just being human. But its also having other support and other coping mechanisms in place so that if I am hurt, I know how to dress the wound, I know how to unwind and recover. A lot of that is DBT self-soothing skills, its having places I can vent and be myself without worrying about the worst version of someone twisting my words might be, where I know everyone present is either on the same page as me, or shares a level of understanding of complexity that even if I say something that sounds unkind or awful I will be kindly told "hey what the fuck we need to talk about this" in a way thats constructive and thoughtful with room for learning, instead of being publically dogpiled and cancelled for eternity over a mistake or a misconception or even unexamined bigotry because we all have it and its a process to unlearn for everyone. And we need to publically be better about that but I digress.

The second thing is differentiating fear and danger. This isnt mandatory but if youre up for it I think its a healthy skill to learn in general. In tumblr terms, investigate a little. You come across someone with a pride flag in bio, look at their top posts, skim their blog, maybe throw a couple terms into the search. Then look at what comes up. Is it straight up vitriol and antisemitism, block em. Is it something that makes you defensive, pause, take a few breaths, look again. Is it actually in tone or in words calling for or excusing violence, is it black-and-white villain and victim no nuance? Probably also block. Is it passionately upset about violence without any calls for revenge or retaliatory violence? That person might be safe. Its ok if your first reaction is fear, just let yourself have a second or third reaction and srr where it goes.

The last point I have is about levels of trust, and levels of safety, and levels of vulnerability. Because youre not determining if you can give someone your home address, and youre probably not determining if theyre safe to meet in person. So its not a full on black or white safe or not safe thing. Its more like, am I safe to have this interaction? Are we talkimg about how cute our pet cats are? Probably a safe conversation to have with most people. Are we talking about the ethics of war and the existence of nation-states, thats way dicier. I talk quite a lot on here, and there are always things I choose not to share, conversations I choose not to have, posts I writr and discard, for any number of reasons. Im getting better at seeing things I disagree with and recognise when Im super unlikely to change the persons mind, and just not engaging even if it makes me really angry. Sometimes its not worth it, sometimes its too close to home and even if it might be a productive discussion, im not in a place to be having that discussion rn. Some things just arent anyones business. Some I know will be misunderstood so I dont bother.

I think in general, with basically everything, is that it takes courage to be who we want to be. Its easier to say everyone who says x or believes x or identifies as x is dangerous and I hate all of them. Black and white thinking is always easier, and because youre listening to your fear it feels safer, until you look up and youre bitter and hateful and lonely. Fear is a warning signal but it flags false positivites, and it sometimes flags danger as more extreme than it is. Like any gut feeling, always pay attention, and also use your brain to evaluate how correct it is. And then make decisions based on your evaluation.

Because its not good or fun or helpful to be afraid of vast swathes of people. And people can hurt us, thats part of the human package and very much part of being Jewish. You gotta be careful, and brave, and vulnerable imo. And have a strong support system + soothing activities you can fall back on when you do get hurt. And be selective of who you trust with how much, so when the hurt comes itll hopefully be minimal. We cant avoid pain entirely, only learn how to minimise it and look after it.

Good luck! Its not easy out there. Be safe, be brave. ❤

one of the things I hate most about all this is how distrustful it’s made me. if I see a pride flag or BLM or a watermelon in someone’s bio, I immediately wonder if they want to kill us. if they deny rape. if they cheer massacres. I don’t see those things and think of tolerance or acceptance anymore. they just make me afraid. that’s what this movement has done. and I hate not trusting people, being scared of people, but what else can I be when they’ve shown us how much they’d like to see us dead?

.

[torahtot]

you can always tell when someone doesn't have maga men in their life and god it makes me angry.. "if you're nice and compassionate you can be the one woman that makes them realize women aren't mean!" my mom bent over backwards for my dad for 25 fucking years he has plenty of other women kissing his ass and it never changed anything. do you really think that before being radicalized they never knew a single kind woman? they were never friends with a nice girl? alt-right men's problem with women isn't just that they've experienced too many mean women and they need to be shown that women can be nice, it's that they think women are inferior and don't deserve rights and don't understand anything so you can do what you want with them. and it takes a lot more than being nice to show someone that you aren't inferior. this isn't a case of being nice even when it's hard for the sake of deradicalization, it's about spending every fucking interaction with someone trying to get them to see you as a human being with value and a functioning intellect while they just laugh and show you that's never going to happen.

i cannot stress this enough: random women are not just going out and Being Mean to men. ur average guy interacts with plenty of women throughout his life- close women amongst their friends and family, casual interactions etc. most people don't start out being shunned by women, they start out being treated as NORMAL. & when they show their disrespect in normal society, it isn't tolerated, but when they go to alt-right spaces (which they're pushed towards online) they're told they're allowed to be as horrible as they want with no consequences because they're entitled to everything. it isn't "women aren't welcoming and the alt-right is so friendly so i'll become alt-right," it's "women don't let me disrespect them and the alt-right tells me fuck them, do whatever you want, you're entitled to it all" and why would you choose the group where you have to be a normal accountable person when there's a group that will reward you for being a shithead who gives no fucks?

the alt-right can afford to be more friendly and welcoming because they can allow bigotry. this can't work the same way for progressive spaces because we can be as kind & welcoming as possible but at the end of the day we have lines where we have to say "this behavior/speech isn't allowed in this space," and for certain people, that just can't win against a space where you can be as nasty as you want. these posts always end with a disclaimer saying "of course being kind doesnt mean you need to tolerate their bigotries" but what they don't realize and what drives me crazy is that women not tolerating bigotry IS the "women are mean" that radicalized them in the first place. they perceive you pushing back on any bigotry or bullshit as you being a meanie and treating them like they're ontologically evil. the 'kindness' they need to be deradicalized is you letting them walk all over you.

idk what the answer is to deradicalizing them and im sure relationships are part of it but you can be as kind as you want and all it will do is destroy you ime. i cant stand to see people (who have never even successfully deradicalized any man by being nice btw they always speak in hypotheticals and not from experience) double down on telling women to do things that will see no results and only hurt them, especially when any woman who has tried can tell you exactly how it went

[cisthoughtcrime]

.

[lunarharp]

"Found out" set in kind of a made-up chapter where the girls are in trouble, or something.

[shadowsingercassia]

Thank you for the tag @anarchiii !! ❤️

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024?

I haven't posted anything on AO3 and I don't think I have an account either but that's only because I have no idea how to use it 😂

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

25! (If I counted correctly)

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

Well I have a series that I stopped updating so that's one (?) and a part 2 to a fic I have so... that makes it 2 (I think...) 🤔

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

So I have two 🙂 (a little bit of rambling):

First is my The Gate To Home series! It was everything for me, I really don't know how I got through it and even if I hadn't prepared it properly so many people loved it and supported it until the end (I love you all smm ❤️)

Second is The Day Hope Died! This fic has a special place in my heart because when I'm having a hard time, I write and this is the only fic of those that I had the courage to post. The feelings there, the angst are a representation and a reflection of my own that day (I'm alright now for anyone wondering!)

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

I think that Genuine Poetry is a type of fic that I don't usually write and that is purely because of the poem I put in the fic (I had never written a poem in my life before that)

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

So Masked Christine of the Opera surprised me with its ending, I was not expecting that plot twist to settle into my mind though rereading it, it's not great, but the rest of it is very special to me 💕 another thing I was surprised to see when I finished writing it is that I actually wrote it in third person and I hadn't even realized 🥲

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

Again it's Masked Christine of the Opera, I really loved writing it and I'm going to say it, it's a great fic although the ending is a little bad (I really had thought it was good 😭) it just has my heart ❤️

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

I really have a lot of artists that have inspired me to make my own art (even if I'm still a beginner) and for that I want to thank @dawneternal and @freyjas-musings

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

Alright I will yap so bear with me:

@scorpioriesling all your fics are incredible, I absolutely loved Too Hot To Handle and I actually binge-read it in September and I wanted to say I'm obsessed, same for the Invisible String and all your other fics! 🫶

@velarisdusk your fics are... mwah 💋 I don't even know where to begin your writing is amazing and truly I love you so much! This tag game was probably my sign to re-read all your fics 😂

@illyrianbitch I love each and every single thing you write, if I could have them injected into my veins I would do it 💓 (I'm also very glad you're doing well now 🥰)

@azrielslittleslut you quite literally inspired me to write an Azriel x reader fic because of how well you capture his personality 💙

@azrielsdove your fics mean everything to me, I've read each one twice and I'm planning on reading them all again ❤️

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

I've been on Tumblr for a little less than a year I think (me and my alzheimer that I don't actually have) but recently I have discovered @thelov3lybookworm (I know you are not a new author but I'm obsessed with your Lucien week fics and im currently reading all your other fics too!!)

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start

No, I haven't done any

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

In my writing, reading my first and latest fic, I'm proud because I've grown but I'm also proud because I had the courage to start so shoutout to my first fic Stupid Headache (you will always be my baby) 🥰

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

Dont take it seriously (like in a way of dont view it as a competition). That's the most important thing I've learned. When I started, which was long before I got Tumblr (like when I was a teenager I wrote my first short story) and I took it so seriously, planning things obsessively, which is the reason I actually lost my passion but now I found it again and I'm very grateful for that 💞

14. What is your advice?

Well, I really don't know any good advice, I mean I'm still learning things everyday but I think my biggest advice is what I previously said, don't take it seriously, it's not a competition

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

I want to try and create an OC and maybe start writing more ships and less x reader but mostly I just want to write, that's my goal, not to give up on writing :)

note: again, thank you @anarchiii for the tag !!

no pressure tags: @really-fanny-longbottom @illyriassweetheart @azrielsdove and anyone else who wants to do this!

Answer and then tag three or more creators to keep the game going!

Thank you so much @velarisdusk for the tag! 🫶🏻

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024?

I don't have anything published on AO3 simply because I still don't know how to use it even though I do have an account. But here on tumblr, it's 92.878

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

49! I've never counted them before and never realized just how many they were omg

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

Ongoing only Bound By Secrets. In progress apparently 10? I thought I had 3 WIPs. I completely forgot about the other 7 lol

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

UGH how do I choose one? A Helping Hand has a special place in my heart because it's the first fic I wrote and posted. Night and Days is one of my favorites because I love the banter between Azriel and reader, and I also have to mention Say My Name because omg I loved writing that one and I know I might be biased but I was giggling and kicking my feet while writing.

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

I'd say the first few things I wrote rather than one in particular for the simple reason that in Italian I tend to write very long sentences because it's normal, but in English sentences are usually shorter so it took a bit to get into that mindset. As for experimental, I'm trying to write a fic from two povs at the same time, sort of like an omniscient narrator. We'll see how it turns out.

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

Many fics surprise me while writing because I don't plan them out that much other than a few things I want to happen and then I see where the story leads me. As for reception, Bound by Secrets. I didn't expect so many people asking for a part 2! (I'll write it, I promise)

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

The Path To Healing and on a happier (and smutty) note Alcohol and Giggles. I cried writing the first one and laughed writing the second one.

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

I love every single fanart by madschofield and elizianna.the.one!

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

@writingcroissant was the first author I found on here, the literal reason I created an account was to read her fics, and @illyrianbitch was the second. I love everything they write and it made me want to write again.

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

@shedoessoshedoes and @duskandcobalt! I'm going to read all of your fics so don't be surprised if you see me in your notifications for the next few weeks 🥰

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start

Nope, no collaborations.

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

Kinktober! I decided to do it two weeks before it started and didn't think I'd be able to write all 31 one fics but I did it!

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

When I started posting, I kept opening tumblr every five minutes to see if there were any new notes/comments/etc. Now I don't do that anymore. I still care about people enjoying my content of course and any kind of feedback is always super appreciated, but I don't need to continuously check to know that my writing is valid and good even if I get only a few likes.

14. What is your advice?

I'm the wrong person to ask this to, but I guess write what you like and what you want to read. I know it's basic, but never before I realized just how true it is. Feedback and appreciation for your work is awesome, but you have to be the first one to like it or it's probably going to turn out bland if you push yourself to write something you don't like or are not interested in.

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

Finish working on all those WIPs apparently lol. And I have an idea for a series that I want to work on as well.

No pressure of course, but if you'd like to @azrielslittleslut @anarchiii @shedoessoshedoes or anyone else who wants to do it!

[ratatatastic]

lmaoooo maffhew wanting the knot immediately and having to wait for sasha to catch up with that is so deeply funny like. this omega is not subtle and you’re not a stupid alpha babe! can only imagine what benny has to say to maffhew about it once he catches on and stops banging his head against a wall

idiots to lovers is always great but especially when its two people who would be hitched with 10 kids by now if they stopped being dumb for a single second like its that easy and yet...

to me they very much fall around the same time (infatuation at first scent if you will) just that sasha takes some time to get there not because he's dumb (okay he's a little dumb) but in the sense that its like "this person is very interested in me, i can see and recognise that but theres so much cognitive dissonance in my brain right now between knowing that intrinsically and finding that hard to believe so i unintentionally play dumb because obviously i'm reading too much into things it cant be me they're interested in haha that'd crazy but they're being awfully touchy and flirty with me wow"

but also it takes two to tango and we have to acknowledge that and this is when i would love to bring up the ways in which this man decides is the best way to go about that because he is a catholic school girlie... there's so much hilarity to be had here especially because his flirting is very uh how you say... a little ass backwards if you will especially considering dynamics

"I make it a point to keep the door closed when we're alone in a room together! That's basically a clear invitation that I'm down to fuck!!! Im basically asking to be ragdolled on his knot!!!"

and Benny just pinches the bridge of his nose like "I don't know how to explain to you in a way you'll understand that not everyone went to Catholic school."

But saying that Sasha does side-eye the door knob heavily when Maffhew goes over to close it the first time and he starts sweating like he just got dragged into a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven he did not sign up for and he's 13 again and oh god he got paired with a really cute girl, and he hasn't even had his first real kiss yet and-

And then absolutely nothing happens because Maffhew is just waiting with a polite expectant smile (because his work here is done, he did the heavy lifting know it's Sasha's turn) and this is when Sasha's dynamic classes training kicks in and he basically scolds himself for even assuming in the first place because this is clearly a show of trust (correct) not an invitation for extra circular activities (incorrect buzzer noise) and it basically becomes "This Omega really trusts me, I'm honoured especially as Pack Leader that I'm able to be so accepted into such a private space with the inherent knowledge that I will not encroach their boundaries whatsoever because consent is verbal, this is not in any way an invitation to take advantage of them this is deep platonic trust I will guard with my life :]"

and if you listen closely you can hear the lovely sounds of Maffhew bashing his head into a wall about how much of a gentleman Sasha is but also COME ONNNNNN... you know... once Maffhew realises what's happening which (looks at my watch) is not due for another few months really

Battle of wills: unstoppable force (maffhews catholic school understanding of dynamic interactions) vs immovable object (overseas alpha cotillion classes)

And if you think it's an Oh! An overseas dynamic thing! It's not. The Euros are watching the horrible car crash in front of them and doing absolutely nothing about it because it's none of their business, but they will stare at it... maybe judge it a bit but definitely are observing from the tall grass.

and I'm also not saying that luosty lundy forsy and bobby have a current running bet of how long it'll take for maffhew to break sasha in but i'm also not not saying that... luosty goaded lundy in the midst of a gossip session ("It has to be 3 months, right?) forsy happened to be around so lundy turned to him for advice ("7 months.") and maybeeee bobby overheard from all the way over from his stall and puts in his two cents for what it's worth ("6. Captain nice but not that nice. Very impatient." "So 3!" "No. Impatience makes him double the time, and wait longer. 6 months.") (lundy finally settles on a good 5 months because he's indecisive)

And Sasha does eventually pick up everything maffhew is throwing down... eventually... and when he does it becomes more so I want to court this omega the way they deserve I will take this slow and romance them sweetly :) *smash cut to maffhew caterwauling like a cat in heat*

but also once again its not like maffhew is helping sasha in any way this is idiot4idiot and benny would like to enjoy the car crash with the euros but unfortunately that's his soulmate, thats his bestie, his littermate from birth who has been weaned on the same teat as they climbed over each other to get to it, the first girl you kissed in your childhood bedroom because somehow you started play fighting on the bed because she was like i could totally pin you down easy and then she does and you always noticed how beautiful she was but shes even more gorgeous when she's pinning your wrists to your hannnah montana duvet you promised yourself youd changed out before she came over but you forget and well she teased you about it and you cant help but giggle about how perfect this all is and it seems that the natural conclusion to this is to taste the strawberry lipgloss of her lips because whats a kiss between besties huh its tacky and sticky and it tastes like summer and just other apt metaphors to put here about the inherent -isms of their relationship that i nearly cant put to words properly other than girls having fun (they are fucking)

and well anyways benny is watching and he has a lot of things to say about how its been proceeding so far

"You should really use your words."

"I am!"

"Right because smelling like a fucking perfume shop in the middle of October is using your words."

"This usually works with most Alphas okay!"

"Sasha isn't most Alphas."

"Tell me about it." Matthew grouses before he peeks over to Sam, looking up from beneath his eyelashes—the exact way he knows both endears him to Sam but also absolutely miffs him all the same, "Worked on you, didn't it?"

"Oh, is that what we're doing right now? We're calling getting a lapful of a preening O in preheat in the middle of a roadie a normal way to go about these things."

"It worked didn't it?" Matthew reiterates.

"It would work better if you use—"

"Okay! Alright!! I get it!!!" He does not.

like benny here is unfortunately an active listening participant in the going ons of the fuckery if not because hes involved by proxy because of maffhew because who else will hold his hair back as he calls him a dumb bitch you know

[anotherpapercut]

the girlbossification of ruth bader ginsburg has to be one of the most just plain annoying aspects of white liberal feminism. like it's not as actively harmful as a lot of other shit obviously. but it is soooooo annoying. if I never see another notorious rbg tote bag as long as I live it will be too soon

[coriander-candlesticks]

I'm sick so I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, but I've been thinking about the nature of myths recently as I've been exploring hellenic polytheism.

For context: I'm ex-Mormon. I was raised in the church and, because of that, was taught biblical literalism but in, like, a more subtle way than most? I was raised believing that Adam & Eve and Noah's Ark, etc., were literally true, but that the story of Job specifically was not; I also always knew evolution and the Big Bang to be correct, despite there being a verse in the Doctrine & Covenants (a Mormon-specific religious book) where God apparently told Joseph Smith that the world is 6,000 years old- a passage I didn't know existed until my senior year of high school. I didn't realize I had believed in biblical literalism until I'd left the church, actually.

Now that I'm aware of it, it's a mindset I'm actively trying to combat while I explore Hellenic polytheism. It's definitely been a task to separate the nature of the Gods from their myths, as brutal as they often are. And it's something I've noticed within the community, too, which I think is interesting. It makes sense: Christianity, at least, has had a chokehold on much of the world for a long time, and so many of us have experienced literalism as our first interaction with any sort of holy text (though, of course, Greek myths as a whole aren't that) alongside our first experience with divinity as a wrathful God whose flaws are waved away, or ignored, or twisted into positive attributes. This also means that I'm trying to re-approach several deities with an open mind (Zeus, Hera, and Ares in particular, but many of them to some extent) while also trying to un-condition myself. I was already in the process of doing this, of course, but trying to figure out how to interact with a completely different pantheon has made that especially clear.

It extends to things like prayer and offerings, too. Prayers were very formulaic growing up, even though most of the time there wasn't a strict script to follow. There was always something you ask as part of the prayer, even if it's just 'please help me do better tomorrow' (alongside giving thanks, of course), so trying to craft a prayer without adding *everything* I'm used to including in makes it feel incomplete and, therefore, disrespectful. And daily prayer is something I'm resistant to because of prior experiences with it. I don't want to offend any of the gods by asking for something or asking for too much, especially so early on, and there's always a promised offering the few times I *have* asked. Add worries about exact obedience on top of that and it's proving to be a difficult thing to untangle. And I know that the gods are difficult to offend, figuring out how to do this takes trial & error and that's okay, it'll get better the more I do it, etc., etc.; this is more an issue with my own overthinking than anything else (hooray for ✨ mental health issues ✨). I'm not really asking for advice here, necessarily, just thinking out loud because I'm not comfortable talking to people in meat space about it yet.

[b4kuch1n]

frog documentation. frogcumentation

I think I mentioned a while back I'd post nibling frog momence after the gift's done given. which happened on the 2nd this month I just forgot lmao. anyways we can do it now. I used the boigameista pattern scaled up to four pieces of A4 print paper and decided to double deck it to a two layer thing, not unlike a pillow, for ease of washin. because it was gonna be gifted to a one year old child

took a long time and made a number of mistakes bc hand sewing makes me worse as a person but this guy was done in time for the birthday occasion and that's what matters. chose non-fuzzy fabrics for it because we live in a dense city in the tropics and from personal experience if I hug something made of fur I would explode. the original plan included felt patterns on its back for bonus textures for baby but that wouldn't stretch well along with the rest of the thing so had to hold that back. eventually we got this

zipper across its ass, the coat type of zipper bc I miscalculated when ordering. but it did have a shape and that's all that matters to me. will be a fun game for the baby to grow up and be severely misinformed about what a frog looks like

happy extremely late birthday to this thing also

[angelstrawbabie420]

grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it

[bf-rally]

okay so im back in navbar hell (when i thought i escaped...!!!) but ive managed to get this set up today :D

[im-still-watching-anime]

one piece is crazy fr like what do you mean you’re following up Everyone’s Dead™️ with Objectifying Women: The Arc™️

[seventh-district]

not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

[termagax]

re: "good girl" i think they say it once randomly as a joke and its just one of those things that gets him wayyy more than they expected it would. so now its their secret weapon and they use it very sparingly and every single time he gets super embarrassed about it but it works ill tell you what.