#i dont care how many years pass its always funny

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Sebastian: COMPANY IS COMING! I WANT THIS PLACE LOOKING LIKE DISNEY ON ICE IN ONE MINUTE! Sebastian: DAZAI-SAN IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE YOUR BED THROW IT AWAY IT'S TOO LATE TO MAKE IT NOW! Sebastian: GET RID OF THE COUCHES, WE CAN'T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE S I T !

[justmeinadaze]

Head Filled With Demons Part 3 (Steddie X You)

A/N with Warnings: Demon Steddie and Human Fem Reader.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Read my warning and heed what I'm telling you. This chapter (kind of like the others) deals a lot with grief. With Eddie in part 2 it was grief of a partner and in this one its the grief of a parent. The guys do give her memories of her and her parents and reader does talk about her pain of losing her father. Yes he dad passes. I dont want you going in blind to that.

A lot of her feelings in the beginning are based off of my own when my dad passed away.

If this triggers you (which I completely understand) DO NOT read further. It is only in the beginning but still.

SMUT (DP, Steddie gets intimate, dom qualities seep through especially between them, choking, scolding, I think that's it), Angst, I am me so there is all the angst, Besides the mentions above there is talk about the grief of losing their realm (their home) , Steve talks a lot about feeling lonely and his guilt over not being able to protect his friends, Eddie talks about feeling their predicament is his fault. A war from their world is talked about and a vision is shown about how Steve saved Eddie <3, there is a cliffhanger ending so enjoy that :)

Fluff of course, they care about her and vise versa. There is also a lot of love mentioned and expanding on between these two demons.

ENTER WITH CAUTION! THIS WILL MAKE YOU FEEL!

Word Count: 7976

“Y/N. Y/N, sweetie. Wake up.”

You grumble at the sound of your father’s voice before fully sitting up. “Dad. Oh my goodness. Are you ok?”

“Yes, baby. I’m fine. I haven’t felt this good in a long time actually.”, he chuckles as his finger brushes your hair behind your ear like he always did when you were little. “Come here. I want to show you something.”

Without waiting, he exits your room as you throw off your blankets. Suddenly remembering where you were the night prior, your hands flew down expecting to feel the silky red fabric but you breathed a sigh of relief when you saw your pajama shorts and tank top.

When you entered the living room, you found your dad staring out the front window. Once again, Hawkins was engulfed in flames but this time it didn’t frighten you. You had come to see this sight so many times that you were beginning to feel numb to it. 

“I asked them to look after you for me; your friends.”

“Dad, they aren’t going to be here for too long.”

He smiles as he turns away from the glass and takes your hand in his. “Your mom used to say that about you. ‘Honey, you have to enjoy the kid years because they aren’t here for too long. Soon she’ll be off to college and married.’” 

When his gaze shifted, you reached to bring it back to yours. 

“Dad, I don’t blame you for how my life is. This isn’t your fault. I love seeing you every day and spending time with you.”

He nods, grasping your other hand. “I guess this task you have to complete is the last time you’ll be taking care of someone. Funny it would be the whole world.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Promise me, Y/N, when this is over that you’ll finally live your life for you and be happy.”

“When what is over? Dad? Wait…”

After kissing your forehead, he released you from his hold and started heading for the kitchen where your mother was waiting with a smile of her own. 

“Don’t be too hard on them, Y/N. This isn’t their fault.”

“What isn’t?! No! Come back! Don’t leave me here alone!”

As they walk down the hallway, sunlight blinds you as you fall to your knees.”

Your eyes shoot open and you promptly jump out of bed to run to your father’s room. 

“Honey, hang on a minute—” Steve tries to stop you as you push him out of the way. His head hangs as Eddie glares towards the opposite end of the house. He closes his eyes as they hear you scream and listen to you sob.

***

“Miss Y/L/N?”, Detective Hopper said your name with so much delicacy as he kneeled in front of you from your place on the couch. “I…I know how hard this is for you right now but I want you to know if you need anything, of course, feel free to come by the station. We have, uh, services that can help you and you’re not alone.”

You nodded without saying a word causing him to sigh as he stood up and headed out the door. Once everyone was gone, you headed for your father’s bedroom and laid down on his mattress, inhaling his smell. Steve’s hand caressed your leg but you barely felt it; you couldn’t feel anything.

Eddie sits in front of you and music suddenly fills the area. Glancing his way, you notice a guitar in his hands as he gently began plucking the strings. His soothing voice began to sing and you feel your body practically melt into the mattress as your soul calmed and your eyes closed. 

“You're just too good to be true Can't take my eyes off of you You'd be like Heaven to touch I wanna hold you so much.”

Your mother gathers her things and jacket as she heads out of the dressing room door.

“Um excuse me. I…”, your fathers words trailed off as she stopped to face him. “I just, um, I… oh shit!”, the man cursed as he tripped over his feet and fell onto the ground right in front of the beautiful ballerina. 

“Oh no. Are you alright?”, she giggles as she helps him up.

“Yeah, um, I guess I’m not as graceful as you are with your feet.” Her grin grows as a happy sigh leaves his lips at the sight. “I just wanted to tell you that I think you did great out there. You dance very, uh, very well.”

“Thank you.” Her eyes scan his as he nervously nods, scolding himself as he turns to walk the other way and leave her alone to hide from the shame. “Hey, I was going to grab some food. Would you like to join me?”

“At long last, love has arrived And I thank God I'm alive You're just too good to be true Can't take my eyes off of you.”

Your father sings those lyrics to your mother as they dance together in their wedding wardrobe. 

“You’re such a goofball.”

“Yeah, but I’m YOUR goofball.”, he smiles wide as he spins her and her dress twirls. 

“Till death do us part.” She leans forward to kiss him, giggling when he lifts her off the ground.

Guests clap as they join them on the dance floor and begin swaying to the music. 

“When do you think we should spring the news on them about the baby?”

“I love you, baby And if it's quite alright I need you, baby To warm the lonely night I love you, baby Trust in me when I say.”

“Daddy!”, six-year-old you cries as you run into the house. 

“Oh no, sweetheart. What happened?” Your father meets you halfway lifting you up onto the counter. 

“I fell.” He makes a small hm noise as he inspects your bloody knee. 

“That’s ok, my love. We can make it all better.” Reaching above you, your dad grabs the band aids and rag that he quickly wets before coming back to you to clean you up. 

“You know, mommy falls all the time when she’s practicing.” He poses like a ballerina, making you giggle. “But she gets right back up and keeps dancing.” After placing the bandage over your cut, he leans in to kiss the top before kissing your forehead. “Alright, go get back out there and keep playing!”

“Oh, pretty baby Don't bring me down, I pray Oh, pretty baby Now that I've found you, stay And let me love you, baby Let me love you.”

“My daughter; the high school graduate. I’m so proud!” 

You roll your eyes playfully as your dad snaps another picture.  

“Dad, it’s not a big deal.”

“It is! You worked hard to get here and I know your mom is smiling down from heaven agreeing with me. I heard our song on the radio this morning so I know. ‘I love you, baby. Trust in me when I say.’” You grin as he sings and tries to dance with you before he begins to cough. “No, no. I’m fine. It’s fine.”, he shoos as you rub his back.

“This is your day, honey. Come on. Let this old man take you to dinner and then I’ll set you free to hang out with your friends.”

The music stopped as your eyes opened to both demon’s looking down at you tenderly. Eddie’s hand reached out to touch your cheek and you immediately broke as you sobbed. Falling to his back, he pulled you to his side and held you tightly to him as Steve laid behind you, wrapping his arms around you to do the same.

#############

“Y/N, sweetheart.” Eddie tries to pet your head but you shuffle away from him as you roll over in bed. 

“Honey, we don’t want to push you but we’re on week two here. You have to kill another person.” 

They both sigh aggressively as you pull the blankets over your head. Abruptly the covers disappear and you find yourself standing in the bathroom in front of the mirror with them on either side of you. 

“Maybe we can go for a walk outside, get some sun, find a victim. You know, fun stuff.”

“Stop it.”, you scold Steve as you try and leave but he blocks you with his body. 

“Y/N, you have to do this.”

“Fuck off, Steven.”, you sneered. It took all of his energy to hold down his temper as his eyes met your own. 

“I know you’re in an immense amount of pain, Y/N. I’m really fucking sorry about that. If there was anything we could have done, I swear we would have. That being said, you still have a responsibility to save the world.”

“Why?” His eyebrows furrowed together at your question. “My world is gone. Why should I help all these fucking assholes especially the assholes in this stupid, greedy fucking town! Fuck them! Let them suffer.”

“That’s not what your parents would have wanted.”

“Oh, fuck you, Eddie! You both didn’t know my mom and you met my dad once! You have no idea what the fuck they wanted!”

“How quick you forget, little one. We can see into your soul. We may not have been there but we saw and felt everything because you did.” His ring lace palm lands on your chest. “They were both good people like you and wanted what’s best for you. They would not have wanted you to die burning with the world.”

You exhale heavily as you push down the urge to cry again. “Fine. I’ll go for a fucking walk.”

***

You stroll with your head down in no particular direction and since they succeeded in at least getting you out of the house your demons don’t pester you but remain close behind. It isn’t until you hear the gravel under your feet that one of them finally speaks. 

“What is the point of a high school?” Pausing you turn to glance at them, finding their eyes looking at the building behind you as Steve continues. “I mean, you guys have the little kid school and a middle one but then you have a high one? It feels excessive.” 

“Demons don’t have schools?”

“Uh, not exactly. I mean, we have training or Steve and I did rather. It kind of depends on what you plan to do.”

“So you’re telling me you two planned to be killers?”

They blinked as their gaze shifted back to you. “Again…not exactly.”

You walked over to one of the side doors, huffing when you find it locked. With a quick snap, they open and the three of you wonder inside. 

“My father wasn’t royalty like the king but he was respected. He was kind of like humans version of a general or captain. The princess’s father told him where he wanted us and he made sure things got done. He wanted me to be just like him.”

“Which is ironic because I don’t think your dad ever killed one thing a day in his long miserable life.”, Eddie muses as he touches some of the assignments hanging along the school walls. “Who needs this stuff? Fucking quadratic formula?” He grins when he notices you smile. 

“You didn’t want that, Steve?”

“I don’t know what I wanted. Honestly, I don’t really think I had a choice.”

“What about you, Eddie?”

“I like singing and playing my instrument. That’s what I wanted to do with my existence but… I mean you do what you have to do.”

“Why did you have to hurt people?”

“Demons and creatures. Not people, sweetheart. We don’t usually play here in this realm, not our kind anyway. Um, so my father was I guess what you would call a deserter. There was a big war in our realm a LONG time ago and he, uh, he ran. Demons like Steve found him and brought him back. He, as far as I know, is still being tortured in a king’s cell. I offered to take his place in the army; youngest demon to do so.”

“That must have been hard. Your mom didn’t protest?”

“Kind of like yours, princess, mine died awhile back.”

You turn to Steve who softly smiles. “Mine did everything and anything my dad wanted so what I did or wanted didn’t really matter.”

You guys enter the cafeteria and they marvel at the simplicity of it.

“When did you two meet?”

“When he volunteered, I kept an eye on him. No offense, buddy, but in the beginning, you weren’t the fighter type.”

“That’s fair.”, Eddie giggles as he hops onto a table and walks along it. 

“Out on the field he sacrificed himself to protect one of the younger ones and was about to die before I saved him.”

The metalhead looking demon clasped his hands together dramatically. “My hero.”

Steve playfully scrunches his nose at him as they both grin.

“Can I see it?”

“Are you sure you want to? There’s some violence. You hated that last time.”

“It’s ok. I want to see.”

He nods at your request and as soon as he snaps his fingers you find yourself on a red stained battlefield. Something screeched above your head and you ducked down nearly missing the winged creature that soared by. Off in the distance, you saw a young boy with a sword fighting a demon twice his size. He was doing alright until you noticed someone sneaking up behind him. 

“Kid, look out!”, you screamed but you voice had an echo. Someone else had shouted the same thing at the same time. Before you could fully register what was happening Eddie swished past you and his sword blocked the other demon’s from hurting the young boy. 

The kid continued to fight the being in front of him as Eddie fell backwards, his weapon keeping the other from penetrating his body. 

“Eddie! Hang on, man. I’m coming.”

“No…rush…Dustin. Take your time.”, he hissed through gritted teeth. Suddenly, the demon above him grunted before collapsing to the side. Steve spit on the ground beside him before tugging his weapon out of the thing’s skull and extending his hand to his new friend. 

“That was brave. Stupid but brave.”

“Thank you? You always have a way with words, Steven.” Eddie points towards the boy who finally slays his monster and beams over at them with pride. “Aren’t you their protector?”

“Yes, but this one keeps ignoring my advice.”

“Oh, come on. You’re not that mad at me.”

“I miss that little fucker.”, Eddie sighs as you guys head towards the hallway.

“What happened to him?”

“He’s still there in our realm. When we left, he was just starting a little family of his own.”, Steve smiled but you could see the pain behind it.

“So, it really has just been you two for all this time.” They nod but notice you make a thinking face as you enter the front office.

“What was that there? What are you thinking about, sweetheart?” 

“I’ve been meaning to ask you guys something but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Their eyes narrow in your direction as they take a seat in the chairs in front of the principal’s desk and cross their legs. 

“Well, have at it, little one.”

“You won’t disappear?”

“Scouts honor.”, Steve chuckles as he crosses his heart. 

You grin as you sit in the comfy chair across from them. “When we were together last time, I, um, I thought I saw you two kissing and touching each other.”

Neither moves nor do they take their eyes off you.

“What’s your question, honey?”

“Is what I saw…real?”

Their heads tilt at the same time and you cross your own legs to suffocate the ache the sight gives you. 

“When you spend…a millennia alone with one other being…things happen.” You can tell Eddie is choosing his words carefully but so were you so you couldn’t be annoyed about it. This past week had been one of the worst weeks of your life. You felt so numb and was desperate to feel something, anything. Even if that was them getting angry with you.

“Do you two fuck each other?”, you ask bluntly. 

“Yes.” You’d be lying if you said you weren’t surprised by Steve’s equally blunt honesty. 

“Do you enjoy it?”

“Yes.”, Eddie answers. 

“Were you always intimate? Even in your realm.”

“No.”

“Answer me.”

“We did.”, Steve growls but it wasn’t exactly an angry growl. You had heard that before from them. This was protective; like with Eddie’s memories of his princess, for them this was personal. 

“Do you trust me?”, you ask and they shift their gaze to each other. 

“You don’t understand, Y/N.”

“Help me to, Ed.” 

“Honey, do you know the last time we were out like this? 1932. Before that? 1885.”

“Maybe you can use some of that math you learned from high school to find out how much time Steve and I spend alone.”

“Even then, we meet you people and it’s never for long. Eddie and I are each other’s constant. We understand each other and what we’ve been through…what we are STILL going through.”

“What can you show me?”

Steve snickers at your question. “Nothing because it’s none of your damn business, little girl.”

“Why?”, Eddie asks causing his friend to whip his head in his direction. “Why do you want to see it? To get off?”

Without hesitation you shake your head. “I want to understand. I want to help if I can.”

Both their eyes soften at your confession. “We’re here for you, sweetheart, you don’t need to help us.”

“Ok. No, I understand. I just want you to know that if…if you two want to be together when you…when we…I don’t mind.” You smile at them as you stand up and exit the principal’s office. As soon as you walk through the doorway, however, you look around to realize you’re in the hall of your home. 

Two hands grip your shoulders as fingers snap and images flash in front of your eyes. Since they can’t show you within the stone and where they stay, all you are able to see are flashes of small intimate moments like the one you experienced with them but with other beings who had summoned them. 

“Fuck…” This was different than the other visions they gave you. This was like when they fucked you and you felt your soul leave your body before your climax brought you back to earth. “Why…oh… oh my…feel…”

You felt the feelings heighten as your core warmed between your legs. Steve’s voice cut through your euphoria but he sounded so far away. 

“Because this is us. The way we feel about each other…is the way we feel about you, baby. Can you see it? The love we have for each other?”

A woman in a long fancy thirties style gown drops to her knees, taking his cock into her mouth. Eddie removes the demon’s jacket, throwing it to the side before leaning his forehead on Steve’s back and wraps his arms around to his chest. 

“Fuck, yes, honey.”, he groans as the demon places tender kisses along his back. 

Eddie pushes the man over the end of the bed and roughly thrusts into him. As his eyes close, Steve turns his friend’s head and kisses his lips as their tongues mingle together. Their hands caress each other’s face before pulling away as he pumps into him harder.

The pressure builds in your stomach as you feel the coil beginning to wind. 

As you sleep, they lay on either side of you, gently caressing you before Steve reaches out to touch Eddie’s cheek. 

“Are you ok? I know it’s been a while since you’ve talked about her.”

“Yeah, I’m okay. I’m just thinking about Y/N. I don’t want to leave her, Steve. She actually fucking cares about us. It’s been so long since I felt that.”

The demon leans over and places a kiss on his lips. 

“I know. I don’t want to either but…no matter what happens…you’ll have me.”

The ball in your belly explodes as you begin to scream but it’s muffled by a palm as you blink back into reality. They were both standing in front of you with Steve’s hand in your jeans as his fingers continued to thrust you through your climax. 

“Atta girl. Come back, sweetheart. Come back to us.”, Eddie cooed as he removed his own hand from your mouth. 

Your panicked eyes began to look around as you pushed them both out of the way and ran to the living room. The metalhead looking demon appeared suddenly in front of you and captured you in his arms. 

“Y/N, it’s ok, baby. You’re ok. Calm down.”

You turned around and smacked him, startling him as he dropped you to the ground. Your hair blocked your face as you pushed up on your hands and knees, heaving as you tried to catch your breath. 

“Y/N, baby girl. Breathe. Talk to me. What’s happening?”, Steve asked in a stern protector filled voice. “I know this may be a bit of a shock but you’re scaring us.”

The room suddenly goes silent before your exasperated laugh fills the area. Falling to your side, he pushed your hair out of the way. 

“Yeah? That’s funny?”, the demon smiles. “We’ve never shown anyone that before. What happened? Was it too much?”

“Do you two…recognize that it’s more…than love?”

Eddie slides down the to the floor, handing you a glass of water that you thanked him for. 

“What do you mean, princess?”

You shakily sat up, their hands shooting out to help you. “I didn’t just feel the affection. I felt…the pain of being lonely…missing home. Of no one understanding you and what you went through. As…as I saw the later years, I felt the need and wanting to be left alone. I felt Steve’s anger at feeling out of control and your guilt, Eddie, over feeling like him being here was your fault.”

You started to cry again as you continued. “Then I felt how you feel about me. Please…please don’t love me. I don’t want you to hurt like that again.”

Steve almost aggressively pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly to his chest. All Eddie could do was stare as he watched you shake in his friend’s embrace. A week ago, you had just lost someone who meant the world to you. Someone you had cared for most of your adult life. Within under 2 weeks, you needed to kill two more people, something you never meant to do or become to save humanity. You had been used for your kindness by so many people, yet you were still so empathetic and willing to help. 

You had every reason to become bitter and angry, yet even now you weren’t thinking about how after the timer ends, they would disappear from your life to. You were worried about how that was going to destroy them. They had never met demons or creatures from what you humans referred to as hell but looking at you now he was pretty sure he was in love with an angel from heaven. 

###########

“Thank you.”

Both their eyes shifted up to from their place at the dining room table to look at you. After they calmed you down, they were finally able to get you to sit and eat something even though you protested the entire time insisting you weren’t hungry. 

“Thank you for trusting me enough to show me that. Like I said, I don’t mind if you two—”

“You’re welcome.”, Steve cut you off with a tight smile.

You understood without him needing to explain. You felt how important that bond with his friend was. Their current lives revolved around serving people and this was something that was theirs; something no one could take from them. 

“Can I ask you one more question and I promise to leave you alone for tonight?”

They nod, preparing themselves for whatever was about to come. 

“Did my dad ask you to watch over me?” Eddie heavily sighed as Steve nodded again. “C-can I…?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. You’ve been through so much tonight already.”

“Please, Edward. Please.”, you beg. His eyes lock with yours at the sound of his name. He blinks as a tear escapes them and you notice his irises are no longer brown but his red demon eyes. “I’m sorry. Are you…are you angry?”

He adamantly shakes his head. “No, baby, I’m not angry. I just don’t want to see you hurt anymore.” 

You rise from your seat and find home in his lap as you keen into his neck, wrapping your arms around him. 

His hand tenderly pets your head, running his fingers through your hair as he holds you close. 

“Steve.”

The sound of him snapping echoes from behind you and as you look up towards the other end of the table, you see your father coughing as you run towards the bedroom to get his medicine. 

His palm reaches out to grip Steve’s arm and the demon covers it with his own hand comfortingly. 

“My daughter must…like you two if she…brought you home. Since I got sick, people stopped… coming by.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. You two are amazing people.”

He grins at Eddie’s compliment. “Look after her for me…please. She deserves to be loved and cared for the way she does with everyone else.”

Steve nods as he leans closer to him. “Everything’s going to be alright, sir. I promise.”

Your father starts to cough again as you reappear with his medication. 

“Ok, let’s get you to bed and then tomorrow we can go back out to look for lucky person number 2.”

“I have to go back to work tomorrow.”

“Even better. Definitely likely to find someone in that shitty environment.”, Eddie softly smiles down at you as he lifts you up and brings you to your bedroom.

“Can we—”

“No. Not tonight.”, Steve cuts you off again, this time with a bit more anger.

“I don’t care if it’s my way or the demon way. I just want you both. Please Steven. Please…”

An aggressively angry growl came up from his stomach making you jump as you hid behind Eddie’s shoulder. They both exchanged a look that seemed to make the other demon angrier. 

“No, Eddie.”

“Steve, it’s ok.”

“It’s not fucking ok!” He abruptly disappeared until you heard frustrated grunts in the kitchen. “Goddamn it, Edward! Fucking stop!”

Eddie sighed as he calmly grabbed your hand and walked with you back out towards the area.

“She’s not even asking for that! Didn’t we show her enough?!” Steve tries to leave again and you watch as he blips from the kitchen into the living room. The demon turns around to face his friend, stalking towards him, and grabbing his throat as he shoves him against the nearby wall. 

“Steve, Eddie stop! It’s ok.”

Eddie raises his palm in your direction, silencing you as he stares at the other demon. 

“What are afraid of, Steve? Hm?” His nose brushes against the tip of his. “Come on, baby, tell me.”

“Y/N…you felt it…you’ve seen it. EVERYTHING we’ve been through.”, he shakily exhales. “What you didn’t see were the angry nights when the cabin fever sets in. The nightmares of home and memories of things we no longer have. Those nights where I just feel so out of fucking control. This demon, my friend, he keeps me sane. He holds me on those days I can’t stop shaking from just wanting to tear our fucking environment to the ground. The first time we were together…it was the first time in a long while I felt safe.” Steve chuckles as he leans back and lets Eddie go. 

“It’s kind of funny, huh? A demon being scared and lonely.” He glances your way before shifting to his feet. “I’m afraid of that changing. I don’t want that safe feeling he gives me to go away.”

You tackle him into your arms, squeezing him tightly to you. “I would never do that. I would never change what you two have. You’re safe with me to, Steven. I promise.” 

The two demon’s eyes meet, continuing to stare at each other as Eddie takes your hand and places it on his groin. 

“Go ahead, sweetheart. Get us started and we’ll do the rest.”

As you sink to your knees, their clothes disappear as their cocks come into view in front of your face. 

“Y/N.”, Eddie says your name sternly as he quickly grips your wrist. “We may lose control here in the sense of keeping up our appearances. If you get scared or you feel unsafe, I want you to say ‘red’, okay?” Their eyes remain focused on one another but you notice Steve’s chest deflate as he exhales. 

“Yes, sir. Say red if I get scared or feel unsafe.”

“Good girl, princess.” With that the demon releases his hold on you, capturing his friend’s cheeks and bringing his lips to his own. 

Gripping both of them you stroke and suck their lengths as they groan above you. When your eyes glance at them, their tongues mingle together as Eddie takes hold of the other demon’s throat. Their cocks get harder in your hands at the action.

“Since when do you shove me against a wall and tell me what to do? Huh, little boy?”, Eddie murmurs roughly against his lips. “I may have given you too much control up here.”

“Fuck-- I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Eddie whispered something in his ear that you couldn’t hear but whatever it was made Steve growl like he did before in the forest. He nodded before abruptly leaning down to lift you into his arms and carry you to the couch. After tearing off your clothes, he places you vertically before sinking down on his knees and pushing your legs wide open as his tongue licked a few stripes between your folds. 

“Oh, Steve!”

The demon promptly sat up straight as his palm shot out to slap you before roughly grabbing your cheeks. 

“You’ve been saying my name properly all fucking day with an attitude or with that pathetic little pout. Now when I’m between your legs making you feel good you suddenly don’t feel the need?!”

“I’m sorry, Steven. I won’t do it again. Please, don’t stop.”

Without a word, his lips wrap around your clit as he sucks and flicks at the little bud. Eddie lowers himself behind him, pulling his hips flush with his own as he kisses up Steve’s back. His arms wrap around to his chest as he trusts forward making the other demon moan loudly into your cunt. 

You tried to keep your eyes open as you watched Eddie pump into him, your fingers threading through his hair as his head pushed up into the feeling. 

“Come on, Steven. Make our pretty girl—mmm—make her cum. Make her cum and I’ll allow you to, my good boy.”

Steve pushed his mouth deeper into you like a man possessed. With every grunt and flick, he had you coming undone. 

“Yes, Steven! I’m gonna…” Your body trembled as you came. As the aftershocks coursed through you, you opened your eyes noticing his head was hung as Eddie thrust into him harder. Sliding to the floor between his arms, you placed his head in the nook of your neck as you ran your fingers through his hair. 

You felt it as soon as his forehead touched your flesh, his demon skin mixed with sweat. Your nails ran down his back as the other demon leaned back on his knees, holding his waist as he groaned. His eyes locked with yours as he felt Steve tighten around him as he came, you pressing his face into your throat as he panted.

Eddie carefully pulled out and collapsed on top of him as he reached beneath him to massage his chest. 

“Good boy, Steven. Very good. You feel so fucking good when you cum. Come on. We aren’t done yet.”

Without looking at you, Steve got up to sit on the couch beside you and lift you onto his lap. “Hold-hold open your ass for me, honey, and lean forward a bit.”

“You promise you’ll go slow?”

One of his palms lightly wrap around your throat as he tugs you against him where his lips are waiting. “I promise.”, he whispers and you nod before doing what he asked.

Gripping the base of his cock, he gradually pushes the tip into you causing you both to hiss; him more than you.

“It’s ok, Y/N. You’re doing good, sweetheart. Look at me.” A loud, deep snarl from behind startles you and on instinct you try to turn around but Eddie quickly cups your face in his hands. “No, no. I said look at me not him.”

“Fuck. Is he ok?”

“Yeah, baby girl. He’s fine. Maybe a little overstimulated but…”, he grins. “How does he feel?”

“B-big.”

“You’re not wrong.”, Eddie chuckles as he caresses your face, watching you carefully as his friend finally bottoms out. You whine at the fullness as he bends towards you to kiss your lips. “I know, princess. I know. Let me know when you’re ready for me, okay?”

“Don’t move her to much, Eddie. She’s—mmm—she’s so fucking tight.”

“Lean back, little one, but keep your eyes on me.”, he murmurs in a gentle tone as you do what he says. His arm forcefully shoots out to grab the boys face. “What’s my name, Steven?”

“Edward.”

“And who’s in charge right now, little boy?”

Eddie had leaned past you to scold the other demon but you kept your eyes in front of you for fear of that wrath being turned on you. At that moment, his palm was holding your head as you keened into his touch. You wanted him to keep gently praising you whether it be with his words or his hands. 

“You are, Edward.”, he responded through clenched teeth. 

When he came back to face you, his eyes were that red color you were beginning to get used to. Being in control again, having you both submit and beg reminded him of the glory days back home. Ironically, however, having this kind of control was making him lose control of his mask as the demon side of him was pushing through. It was the same for Steve. He may be vulnerable for Eddie but in moments like this it reminded him he was safe. 

The protector just needed someone to take care of him for once and he found that in moments like this. 

Your thumb ran under his eyes, giving him pause. 

“Is this okay? It’s not frightening you, is it?” When you shook your head, he softly smiled. “Good. Full disclosure, Steve’s having a harder time than me so just keep those beautiful eyes on me.”

“Yes, sir.”

Eddie’s palm took hold of your thigh as he scooted closer to you both between your legs. Even with just his tip, you felt full of them both. The demon’s fingers continued to caress your cheek and lips as he slowly pushed forward. 

“Good girl, sweetheart. Fuck, you feel so fucking good.”

His last couple of words came out deeper than what you were used to causing your pussy to flutter around him. His growl was low at the feeling, almost like a warning that just turned you on more. Steve’s palms looped around to firmly knead your tits as his fingers played with your nipples. 

“Steven, ca-can I—mmm—can I kiss you?”

Tenderly, he tilted your head and placed his lips on yours. When his tongue slid into your mouth, a tiny gasp escapes you at how different it felt. The many times he had kissed you previously, he had a normal tongue, a human tongue. This time it felt longer, thicker, and tasted different…better. It tasted like Steve. When he tried to pull away, your hand shot out to the back of his neck holding him where he was.

The grunt that left him was guttural, coming straight from his stomach making you whimper at the sound. Fingers roughly grabbed your cheek and forced you to face forward. 

“Y/N…”, Eddie warned. “You’re playing with fire, little one.”

With him being fully sheathed inside of you now, he was a lot closer to your face than he was previously. 

“Can I taste you to?” He started to bring his lips to your own but you pulled back slightly before he could reach you. “I want to taste you, Edward.”

Slowly, he tilted his head to kiss you and you willingly opened your mouth to invite him in. When his tongue caressed your own, your whole body came alive and you relished the feeling. Sensing the change, he began to lean away but you hastily grabbed his chin.

“No, no, please. It’s not you. I just…all week I’ve been…having trouble feeling anything. It’s nice feeling this.”

Eddie heavily sighed, his breath warming your face as his forehead landed on your own. Hesitantly, you tried kissing him again and he allow it, tangling his fingers in your hair as they both thrust their hips. You mewled as he held your head to his, Steve groaning and whimpering behind you.

Guiding you back, Eddie laid your head on his friend’s shoulder as they both gripped your hips and slammed into you. You wanted to keep your eyes open but the euphoria of them working together this way was too much. You felt the sudden shifts against your skin as they struggled to keep up their appearances. Rough material grazed you every now and then and the sounds they made were deep like a predator asserting dominance.

You wanted to become accustomed to them…who they really were underneath the illusion they displayed for you. You tried your best to cling to the demon skin but it was too harsh on your sensitive human tissue. A ringed palm grabbed your throat as another came from behind to circle your clit.

“F-fuck… cum, pretty girl. You deserve it. Come on, baby.”, Eddie chanted as they both thrust into you harder. 

In that moment, you opened your eyes to find his red ones watching you intently.

“You’re both…both so beautiful.”

He chuckled as he leaned closer to you. “Not as beautiful as you, princess.”

“Don’t take…your eyes…off me.” The demon nodded and your eyes remained locked with his as your body shook, screaming as you came.

The sight was almost too much for Eddie as his hips pounded into your own, growling as he released his seed inside of your cunt. 

“I know. I know. It feels so fucking good. Thank you. Thank you.”, you cooed as your thumb ran along his bottom lip. Leaning back, you met Steve’s own red eyes as your arm circle around his neck to run your fingers through his hair. “Cum Steven. Fill me up to. Please. I need it.”

His limbs wrapped around you tightly and he thrust up into you roughly a few more times before you felt his seed warm your insides. Nobody moved as they panted against you. 

“Eddie. Steve. Something is hurting me.”

Your protector’s head immediately comes to attention as he quickly scans you over. “Shit. Shit, shit, shit, honey. I’m sorry.” Both demons carefully pull out of you and you wince as Eddie lifts you his arms as they head for the bathroom. 

Looking into the mirror, you notice some cuts along your back that were bleeding.

After turning on your shower, they guide you in as Steve begins to take care of you. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think when I held you to me. My skin is a lot tougher than yours.”

“Why is that?”, you ask trying to distract yourself from the slight pain.

“I mean…different realm, different environment and climate, constant fighting and war…take your pick.”, Eddie laughs. “Your skin protects you against the sun and your earths elements, right? Same thing essentially.”

“Thank you…for this past week…for being there.” You don’t see but they both exchange a look. 

“I wish we could do more.”, Steve sighs as he turns off the water and they dry you off before leading you back to your bedroom. “These aren’t deep. They should heal in a few days.”

As you wonder around your room getting ready for bed, you notice they are both now fully clothed again as they sit on your mattress waiting for you. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Eddie rub his back before he tenderly kisses his shoulder. 

“I wish I could do more for you.” They blink in confusion as their gaze shifts to you. “I know you said it’s not a prison but you both don’t seem happy. I wish I could set you free or something.”

They both look away as you turn off the light and crawl into bed between them, resting your head on your pillow. Eddie’s fingers play with your hair as they watch you close your eyes and scoot as close to them as possible. 

“Princess, can we ask you something?” You responded with a small hm as you waited. “You said you felt the love we have for you?”

“Mhmm.”

“Did you feel that it’s real? How much we genuinely care about you?”

“Hmm…mhmm…”, you respond sleepily.

Steve laid flat on his side as his eyes scanned your face before reaching over to hold your hand which you immediately snuggled to your chest.

“I love you, Y/N.”, he whispered.

Eddie’s arm reached out to lay across both your hips as he kissed the back of your head. 

“I love you to, sweetheart.”

Assuming you had fallen asleep, they laid silently thinking about everything that had transpired. They had tried so many times before to stay in this realm but everything they did failed. As soon as the task was completed, no matter where they were or what they did they were put back into their area until the stone summoned them again. 

The worst part about going back was the silence which was ironically deafening. Coming from a loud world full of energy to nothing but them was its own kind of torture. There were so many times they considered running to Oblivion thinking it couldn’t be much worse. When they were alone, like you had mentioned, Eddie did constantly blame himself. Even though he didn’t kill Chrissy, he had still been on the run and it was Steve’s job to find him. If he had stayed where he was and took the punishment at least his friend would still be in their realm and happy.

What he didn’t know was that Steve wouldn’t have been happy. The princess was his friend to and if he had gotten taken in Steve would have no one he felt close to. Once again, he would be alone to fight endless battles day in and day out until really did become like his father. Running with Eddie was a no brainer for him but what he hated was that they had to run at all. He couldn’t convince the king to hear his friend out and just like Eddie felt that he failed to protect them both. He couldn’t even convince the other solider not to kill him, having to murder him so they could get away. 

Steve desperately wanted them to have a new home but every place they settled into they ended up running again, hiding in a new realm to start over. When they found that stone and spoke to the woman that put them there, he begged her to take him instead of them both but she refused. 

One night, Eddie watched as his once strong friend broke screaming and breakdown as he broke things in their makeshift house. That was the night he kissed him, passionately pushing him against the wall and giving Steve everything he had.

“I’m sorry, Edward. I keep failing you.”, he cried as he fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around his waist. 

Eddie sighed, trying to keep his own emotions in check as he lightly tugged on Steve’s hair, forcing him to look up at him. 

“Listen to me. You didn’t fail me, okay? If anything, this is my fault. No. Don’t talk.”, he shooshed the demon as he began to open his mouth to fight back. “At least here we’re safe and I know no one is going to take you away from me. It’s just us now.”

“I love you to.”, you mumble causing their heads to snap in your direction. Their hopeful eyes glance at each other as they pull you in closer, clinging to you and the moment. 

#############

“I still think you should kill Carol.”  You smirk to yourself at Eddie’s comment as you continue to fold the inventory in front of you at work. 

“Or Dick, your boss. Just a lovely man that one.”, Steve follows grinning at you from his spot on the counter. 

Off to the side you notice a tall, blond-haired gentleman glancing at things against the wall as if they were amusing. Disconnecting from your pestering defenders, you head towards the man and flash him your best customer service smile. 

“Do you think if I steal these rings, the stone will let me keep them?”, the demon inquires to his friend as they wait for you to come back. 

“Something’s wrong.” Eddie’s head turns to look at Steve who is now fully alert. “Something’s wrong. Something’s off.”

“What is?”

“Someone doesn’t belong here.”

“Can I help you find something, sir?”

When his piercing blue eyes meet yours, it takes your breath away as he grins back. 

“What are these things for?”, he picks up a hat and places it on his head. “Are they just for style or do they serve a purpose?”

“A little bit of both, I think. It doesn’t hurt to look good while doing your day to day.”

The man’s head tilts as he chuckles, placing it back on the rack in front of him. “I swear, humans are so creative especially when they are trying to hide how miserable they actually are under falsities like a new hat.”

Your eyes widen at the word “human” as you slowly back away.

His grin grows as he extends his hand for you to shake. “Where are my manners? I’m Henry.”

You know that name. Where do you know that name?

Strong hands tug you back as both your demons place themselves protectively in front of you. 

“How did you get here, Henry?”

The demon cackled as he leaned against the wall behind him. 

“You weren’t the only one who knew how to hop realms, Steven. Truth be told I’ve been doing it for a while. I got myself a gig of my own that just so happened to lead me here.”

“Hm. Prince like you doesn’t have anything better to do?”

“Not after my princess was murdered.”

Eddie didn’t even try to hide his anger as his eyes glowed and he stepped forward before being stopped by his friend. 

“Y/N?” You quickly turned your head, meeting your co workers concerned gaze. “Are you alright? You look…scared.”

The observation made Henry smile wider. 

“Um, no. I’m alright…just not feeling well. I’ll be ok. Thank you.”

She hesitates for a moment before nodding and heading back to her section. 

“Let’s go somewhere we can all talk without being interrupted.” The evil demon snapped his fingers as the four of you disappeared. 

########

@tlclick73 @iaminlovewithdilfs @tiannamortis @steeldaisies

@goodhappyfriday @paleidiot @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes

@strangerthings64 @howlingco @hellfire--cult @unfocused81

[crazy-lazy-elder-sims]

I apologize to all my mutuals and discord servers and discord friends for not talking to anyone for months now, and not making cc and just not being as active as i used to

Im completely burned out on socializing as its been extremely stressful irl work is stressful and home like is extremely stressful and people stomp on my boundaries left nd right and keep talking to me no matter how many times i ak them not to

My parents dont care and keep forcing me to listen to them even if i have a spliting headache unfortunately as i live with them i cant exactly leave the room when i please as that will make them hurl more abuse towards me Which defeats the point, and im not kidding but sometimes i'd be sitting on the train and people start talking to me one lady kept pulling my headphones it was so fucking stressful

Everyone is utterly miserable here (rightfully so its very hard to even live or breath cause everything is so corrupted and expensive) but weirdly lately they will not hesitate to vent on literally anyone infront of them

Yesterday i was in a taxi and the driver made a pun about my home street's name and i laughed because it was funny and like i like the small pleasantries between people its harmless but i kid you not the next words out of his mouth were him complaining about everything under the sun and he got so heated that he was banging the steering wheel left and right instead of idk guiding it normally absolutely terrifying and i did not need him to dump his problems on me like that and i kid you not every fucking interaction i have is like that i was at the grocery store looking at coffee and some really old lady was like "prices are insane huh?" I didnt reply and focused on the coffee The next thing i know shes holding onto my arm tightly and telling me about how miserable thing make her it started with prices and ended with her dead husband its all like that if you even glance at people while passing by they start talking and it always leads to an angey vent.

I understand the frustration i am too frustrated by this life but idk why is this the norm now

And why me ? The most introverted person in the world i barley even have social battery for myself for my own things and now everyone has turned to consuming everyone elses social battery for thier own good its exhausting

I know i have to learn to say no and be assertive but As i said i already am a super introverted person (and this is not an exsagration i once only left the house for about 5 times total in 2 years i jut dont engage with the world much as it exhausts me)

But untill i get successful at pushing back against people and also the bigger problem my parents im gonna barely have any energy to talk to people online or in discord im sorry i can only do so much at once 😞

[lautity]

1, 4, 5, 11, 15, 16, 17, 23 with lautity/holyphone for the otp ask game :3 (no pressure to do all of these btw, i'm just really curious to hear other people's opinions on them since i dont see to many lautity shippers in the wild </3)

Ask game

HEHE its totally okay you could have sent me the whole book.....im so obsessed with them rn its not even funny. i <3 my niche ship nobody else thinks about. and im so sorry for how long this is...stuck it under a cut for safety

also note many of these answers are in the context of my silly fic/AU�� but u do not have to read it to understand i included context where necessary. mostly i think abt them in terms of my AU but i think most of these are canon applicable as well

1. Who most initiates PDA?

Funny question for these two. Steph is by far more comfortable with PDA and treats it very casually, but she would probably have to slow down and match Grace's pace while she's still adjusting to being visibly in a queer relationship (especially in Hatchetfield/where she risks bumping into family or people from her congregation).

I think Grace is extremely affectionate though and once she's more comfortable (or just living somewhere she's less well known) she would probably initiate at least as much as Steph, if not more. I think she would get into the habit of hand-holding every time they're outside at some point and it would just be muscle memory to grab Steph's hand when they're walking side by side.

4. How did they first meet?

In Slow they met in middle school! Grace joined in 7th grade after attending a religious primary school, Steph failed 7th grade (too many skipped classes) and was taking it for the second time when Grace got there. They don't really interact significantly until a year or two later, but they're in the same homeroom pretty much every year in school, so they're always aware of each other in passing.

5. What is their love language?

I think for Grace the thing that makes her feel most comforted is probably physical touch, but the 'above and beyond' thing for her (and what she holds as a sign of the utmost commitment, at least on her part) is quality time. She's really punctual because she feels it's the best way to show that she cares and wants to be there + she's pedantic about attending her friend's events to show her support. She's also clingy in a 'following Steph around the house' way, she just loves to have company and another person around. Especially if that person is her girlfriend (someone who wants her around. She has not experienced much of this </3)

Steph probably appreciates words of affirmation quite a lot, especially if they're well thought-out. Also enjoys quality time (though she does need Some alone time) and is usually cool without fancy going-out stuff. Prefers casual, appreciates when people make time for her and enjoys the attention of being alone with someone. I think physical touch and being touchy is like breathing to her, just second nature with her friends and especially her partner. Throwing herself across laps and using people as pillows, always bumping shoulders. Stuff like that. it's very casual to her and it's a language for her in that it's how she says 'I feel safe and comfortable around you".

11. Which member is more physically affectionate?

I sort of already talked about this LOL but I think Grace is more intentionally affectionate and is more likely to initiate cuddling or kissing (once they get over the Afraid To Initiate bit of very newly-out Grace). But obviously Steph is always just touching her anyways, often unconsciously (initially this makes Grace's head explode. but she figures it out eventually) so while everything Grace does is thought out Steph is just always being touchy without realizing it because of how relaxed/comfortable she is. I think they're pretty equally matched on like volume but Grace does initiate more Big acts of affection

15. Who is more likely to make an impulsive decision and who is the voice of reason?

Steph has ADHD (to me.) and bad impulse control so she tends to be very spontaneous. I think a lot of the time she'll do things on a whim, even if they're risky, and say whatever comes to her mind. Grace is good at talking her into more safe activities and derailing her when she's feeling righteous and wants to pick a fight with someone twice her size over an insult to one of her friends.

Grace tends to be really unpredictable and impulsive when she's emotional at all and Steph gradually gets better at handling this and calming her down as they're together for longer. Not so much a voice of reason as a source of comfort for her.

Steph is the one online shopping and showing Grace her phone every 5 minutes just for her to go "no, we don't need another one" LOL

16. Who stays up way too late and who tries to drag them to bed?

Steph and her fuckass sleep schedule from parties and arguing online vs Grace, who has never stayed up past midnight, wakes up at 6:30 AM on weekends, makes her bed every morning, never snoozes an alarm... I think even when Grace drags Steph to bed "on time" (still an hour later than she'd like) Steph is just not a morning person and loves getting to sleep in and wake up slowly. Grace eventually learns to appreciate being cozy in bed for a little bit longer, but she never really stops waking up earlier than Steph and getting tons of things done before she even stirs.

17. Who fell in love first?

Hehe. Grace fell first, Steph fell harder/faster. Grace had like... this steadily building crush she didn't know was a crush. I think it probably started when they were in a group project together and Steph kept bumping their knees together under the table. She called them friends once and Grace pretty much did the entire project to please her. And even once Steph started ignoring her in class again she remained unusually fixated on her salvation and helping her. Around Abstinence Camp (summer before sophomore year/10th grade) Steph catches on to the fact that Grace genuinely wants to help her and tries to be nicer. They get more hostile again when Steph is outed as bisexual and Grace discovers what gay people are and that she isn't supposed to like them (but she can save them!). At the point where NPMD begins (around the beginning of their senior year) Steph has not had a non-religious interaction with Grace in over a year, and she is extremely sick of it.

(Slow is an everyone lives AU that has Max sleep with Grace before most of the events of NPMD, and the Waylon prank is both revenge and blackmail so she can force him to 'admit' to lying about it, hopefully preserving her reputations + preventing it from getting back to her parents. Everyone else is in on it for the same reasons as canon, and only Steph knows that Grace slept with Max at the point of the prank)

After finding out about Grace and Max, Steph just starts kind of pitying her because she knows how vicious gossip of this nature is and how cruel people are. So she's like okay, this girl really needs a friend, I can do that for now + being friends with Steph Lauter does give you some level of social standing which she figures she can lend to Grace for awhile. And Grace is still sort of annoying at first. But seeing her passionate + happy during the prank, orchestrating everything, awakens some really long-buried feelings about the weird girl in her homeroom who always tried too hard to relate every book to God, and who had come over to her house and described every research note to Steph while she assembled their poster by herself; Steph had SpongeBob reruns playing (which Grace was apparently not allowed to watch, so she sat with her back to the television) and was mostly tuning her out. They got 100% on their poster, and Steph stopped talking to Grace when her friends started to comment on it.

She feels bad for treating Grace that way + she is genuinely letting herself know this person for the first time and finding that she likes her. Like. Genuinely finds her smart and funny and interesting. She's sort of insane under duress, but it's endearing. But Steph does not pursue people, people come to her, so she sort of brushes it into the back of her mind, because there is no world in which Grace Chasity realizes her obvious queerness before she's 30.

Once she knows Grace likes her shes giggling and kicking her feet and extremely extremely excited about everything but she is trying So Hard to be normal and not rush her. She's sort of flattered about being Grace's first girl(friend?) and really really wants to give her a good experience and treat her well (the way she wishes her first partner had treated her). She is very happy and the only thing she really wishes is that Grace would apologize less and trust her a little more.

[winterchimez]

describe your relationship with your moots using tbz ships!!

weeee i haven’t done a moot game in a while and i do miss it!! im gonna just tag the ones i talk to often so im sorry if you’re not on the list ><

@sungbeam (sangyeon & changmin)

im not saying this just cs ive assigned both of us to our biases, but yknow how sangkyu are always real sweet to each other thats us 🥺 but at the same time yall know how changmin is always hitting his hyung thats beam when she bites back 🤓 and the way how changmin always say “ah hyung!” when he gets annoyed thats beam to me when the *cough* horny thoughts are at its peak ✨ but i always imagine us as the sangkyu piggyback vid from the b-zone cs you’re my precious lil 妹妹 🥺💕

@juyeonszn (sangyeon & haknyeon)

remember when sunwoo said sanghak is the best ship in tbz, thats me and fawn periodt ✨ never in a million years would i have expected to get close to her (cs god i was admiring her works sm 🤧) but now we’re like long lost sisters 🥺 you’re the hakkie to my yeonnie, and i’ll protect you forever 🫂❤️

@from-izzy (jacob & kevin)

who would’ve thought i’d find my soulmate all the way in australia? its crazy how we went from just getting to know each other, and then finding out we have so much in common (i’d say almost 99.9999% of the things we do & enjoy) like its crazy how we’re not placed in the same continent 😤 we’re basically moonbae and nobody can tell me otherwise 💅 btw pack your bags bcs i might be able to visit you next year along with j either in mel or syd!!!

@daisyvisions (sangyeon & eric)

we all know how sangyeon basically cares for his lil baby eric 24/7 and thats daisy to me 🥺 but then we’re also super chaotic behind the scenes which also screams sangric to me LMAO trust me the day we meet irl the world would not be ready for it 😤🫂❤️

@aimeecarreros (sangyeon & hyunjae)

we just gotten close recently and omg i can’t believe i was able to click so quickly and well with elena like she’s so funny & chaotic and I LOVE IT 🤣 sangmil will forever be one of my fav ships and that’ll be me and you 🥰

@snowflakewhispers (sunwoo & eric)

my fellow SEA moot who lives so so close to where i am 🥹 its funny how we gradually got close after that sangyeon fic you dropped and the rest is history 😌 i think the way we relate to so many things is actually what made us become to close & chaotic (god i love our dms i love the mess and we singing gimme gimme more) we’re sunric fs 😘❤️

@flwoie @hanniluvi (sangyeon & jacob)

you two are literally the sweetest lil cuties ever 🥺 from supporting my work since the beginning of my journey like im floored im beyond grateful for you two always 🫂💕

@heemingyu (chanhee & changmin)

we literally have an ongoing series tgt + that way we just clicked from the start is insane. we’re newkyu. i said what i said. sana is WILD which makes me give her the side eye 24/7 but then its what made us close, and the way how newkyu are always tgt thats also me & sana 🤞🏻

@cloverdaisies (hyunjae & haknyeon)

omg where do i even begin!! we go wayyyy back during summer when i was still in EU and when i found out we live literally next to each other i was just????? im sad i didn’t get to know you earlier cs i would’ve come visit you when i was there!! but i promise i will do everything i can to come back UK one day fs (i said what i said so dont come for me again vajfbrnrhrjd) you’re literally hyunjae. sweet but also likes to tease & like seeing me lose my shit 🙄 but i love hyunjae so that also means i love you so i’ll let it pass 💚

@justalildumpling (jacob & sunwoo)

ahahahaha the chaotic parent and child duo is here 🤪 j is literally the sweetest to me when we first met, only later down the line when we got closer that i found out abt her chaotic ass (but i love it so keep it coming LMAO) my little dongsaeng ilysm, i’ll always be here whenever you need me (gurl for you i’ll stay on call with you for 24 hours again 😤😤😤) counting down the days i come visit you & izzy!! 💪

@zzoguri (sunwoo & changmin)

i was debating to put jacob but then i think sunkyu works slightly better for us? pls moni is so sweet but also REALLY FUNNY AND CHAOTIC shjendnrnd i love their reactions i love going through your stories all the time cs they make me laugh 😭 and you have such a good taste in music just like changmin 🥺 you can interchange between these two and you always have a special place in my heart my moni 💜

@itsbeeble (younghoon & hyunjae)

yknow how in tv shows they put this gold light or smth with the audio for the main charas/good looking ppl lmao bsjfbekrm thats bbangmil and that would be us so yall better make way for us 😤😤😤 we’re as chaotic as the two, esp with how reese is always getting me to sleep early BUT THEN I DONT 🤓 and we’re both swifties ugh love a fellow good woman who listens to good songs 💕💕💕

@kimsohn (younghoon & eric)

its only ever since coming back to asia that i got to spend more time talking to you in the gc!! (timezone sucks in EU 😭) and god you are so funny and chaotic too lmao bandndm you’re just like eric, but then yknow how younghoon is always the first one to support and care for the maknae thats me to you 🥺❤️

honorary mentions:

@daisyvisions @aimeecarreros (the lee bros)

make way for the 3 grand sangmil girlies ✨💅 our everyday dms are always loud, chaotic, fun, and a sprinkle of msg aka sexiness 🥰✨ the day the 3 of us meet it would make history in deobiland istg watch us get a ring on our finger by the lee bros themselves bcs delulu is free and it’s the solulu 😚

@cloverdaisies @heemingyu (the kyeopmuda line)

the OG trio ✨ it went from me being moots with clo, and then sana being clo’s biggest fan, made a gc and the rest is history 😌 the 3 of us could talk for hours and often times way past our bed times (esp clo im looking at you pls fix it) just like how close kyeopmuda line is, thats also the 3 of us, we’ve always got each other’s back, and always ready to text and vc anytime 🫂 looking forward to the holidays when the 3 of us are free and we’ll vc for hours fs 😤❤️

[wndaswife]

heey, we never interacted but i really like you as person and u pass me such a comfy vibe like😭 and i really need to vent or else im going insane-

uhhhh im a little lesbian of 20y and in uni, fine. and a curiosity abt my uni: since its a private one, my department gets the same teachers since the 1st year of undergrad which is cool bc they really track our development there BUT i have this teacher (really. really beautiful btw.) who gives biology, cognition, neuropsychology and forensics psychology and she’s also a hard one…her classes are only for those who pay attention, she’s super demanding and a black cat energy (she literally gives nooooooo fucks to anyone). so OFC i had to develop a little crush on her🤠 anywayss months passed, im on my 2nd year now and she still has this HORRIBLE (but i love it) habit of looking at a person’s eyes when explaining something and she really STARES so i was always **giggles and laufs**, but this year i fell into a depressive episode so i stopped going to classes (including hers), i stopped going to her orientation classes and so one day my friend said “she’s worried abt you and she asked me to tell u that she wants an email from u to agree on a time and day to talk to her personally”. i thought i was fucked honestly, but we eventually agreed on a time at her office and turns out the convo was actually nice (i cried my eyes out while she said how worried she was abt me).

after that she was more touchy with me? like when she talked to me after class she always grabbed my arm or put her hand on my shoulder or she talked to me SUPER close AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK specially bc she herself said “if u were a student who didn’t care abt my classes it’d be totally different, but you’re not. i care about you” BUT BRO??? i NEVER saw her act that way with other students, also she doesn’t ask anyone to come to her office-

(i actually thought she hated me bc a while ago she spent MONTHS ignoring my existence💀)

omg this is so funny u say this... one of my best friends always says i give comfort vibes like when im over i always make his place feel really comforting... that's so weird i wonder how it's possible i give the same vibes online.. but anyways im actually really glad that's the kind of vibe i give, cuz i also love this vibe!!! comfort and comforting things are really important to me

that's so cute... also first of all for you, that means you are such an attentive student and so hardworking for her to pay so much attention to you, so look at you you little academic star!!!!! you little academic you!!!! you little academia student you!!! so that's good for you

also that's so sweet of her... comforting older women <3 tbh the last thing i need rn is an irl older woman obsession like that shit always has me so down bad with a twinge of mommy complex LMFAO like i need that bus girl i mentioned before many eons ago (im trying again next semester cuz im a HARD WORKER)... but this aint about me... that's so good for you and that's so sweet of her <3

if you want to deepen a connection you should talk more about the subject, get her to recommend some interesting things for you to research and study and books to read, so she can start talking to you about things she likes on a personal level, and also this builds off of a good reputation you already have of being an attentive student who is interested in the class!! and ofc she sees you this way already as she has mentioned it

even if platonic (tho the gay panic is so real either way) a good connection with a professor you look up to within a topic you're interested in is a very good connection to have, you will always get something good from it

[predoom]

ohoneohone

Friday, November 11th, 2005 12:35 pm i won't tell a soul if you dont want me to. hearts between our knees sticking to summer sheets. Saturday, November 5th, 2005 4:59 pm keep me fast the way he runs his mouth its a wonder that i havent caught a flight home just for a second alone the way he runs my mouth makes me hate you just as much as him thank god i spend most of the daylight dreaming in wine colored beads the sun never caught me right when i was little i splash water on my face in sinks in green rooms like pinching yourself or trying to wash the miles off down a dark hotel hallway the finger prints in pink and blue like skin and veins i try to jump from the doorway to the bed so i dont leave footprints so i dont disturb the carpet like sand you want shyer eyes you want bigger "im sorry"s and regrets for things that i.Yo.u. did you want survivors in the wreckage you want flashlights in the cave you want second chances for second chances i loved everything about you that hurts your scars, your flaws, your not so subtle attempts at wit and irony that always fell a bit short and felt forced your insincerity, your imitation that you passed off as exploration your morning smile 3 year stand (off) her breathing is shallow she shakes whenever i get near- i guess its an occupational hazard its okay we dont have to talk. youre just a body. heaven sent and percoset. even though we're fading fast.... im sorry "pretty"- you were just a canary in a coal mine. Tuesday, November 1st, 2005 7:57 pm there are many things that i would like to say to you but i don't know how im not even too sure what goes on, especially in my own head. one second its one way and the next its another. i have a funny way of showing i care. but i do. i have to say it- halloween wasn't the same this year with out you. i i had the best time ever in southern california. but it wasn't really halloween with out you. and new years won't either. my calls go out today but they'renot picked up. i get what i get. i got some friends who are wearing their egos on their sleeves. its ok. i'll play dumb. you are a shadow of who you once were. "can we start agains" ive had my share. for the past month my mood has been however our phone calls ended. it felt like i was dying inside when i hung up the phone on you. but i have to make a point. you can only act like dirt for so long before you become it. but theres nobody like me and you. i feel like veins and ligatures when you aren't around. and breathing in isnt the same when you're not breathing out. percoset revolutionary. "look mom, no breathing". fucking fading. fucked up, but not cool fucked up. maybe we rip the map in half and someday we meet up in the middle. by accident or just because. everything and everyone ends up faced down on the floor in the end.

you are my wonderwall. Wednesday, October 26th, 2005 6:51 pm my mom said 'make sure you go to sleep smiling tonight baby cause you'll wake up feeling better" i just re-read everything you wrote over the past two months.

i miss my friends.

there is life after this. i promise myself. Tuesday, October 25th, 2005 10:51 pm everything they say about us is true im watching scary movies like every afternoon. i got some new slipper and pants. i look ridiculous. dreamboat. the inside of my head is always changing. even right this second. when i go back over all the details it makes me so glad im not in that town anymore. all of a sudden we're always in the crosshairs. it kinda feels normal now. we used to goof around about killing ourselves off. but sometimes it wasn't a joke. i can't sleep when the bus isn't moving. went to the fender offices today, they are gonna make me some basses. pretty exciting. the only thing ive ever learned is that its pretty easy to say "i love you" its alot harder to mean it. my friends are dropping like flies. everyone looks good when they are the one with their fingers on the keyboards. history is written by the conquerer. we're headlining an amphitheater tommorrow. thats retarded. fistfightking. makeoutqueen. past midnights. get amazed.

Current Music: 2sweet Sunday, October 23rd, 2005 9:42 am you see that kid... its not me, its you. blow out the candles on caring. encounters yesterday: went to paul walls jewelry shop. pretty insane. then when we played jared leto came over and watched. radio shows are wack. encounters today: the gold medal gymnast from the 2004 olympics is coming to hang out with me. pretty insane. why would you ever want to meet a boy like me. i am boring. you make it easier to make the decisions that i do. i turned off the switch that cares. i watch lots of movies and take lots of naps. cause i am a baby. i am gonna be in the academy video for black mamba. i can't tell you how excited that makes me. Wednesday, October 19th, 2005 11:48 pm ill be on time for that, i cant think of a line that rhymes with that blue looks better than jealousy. im awake but not up. you know what i mean. blew the speakers out like a candle. drowned out my sorrows in a wet dream. i miss you but only in flashing moments. new stuff over at buzznet. people been asking about the prices. honestly we charge what it costs us to make. alot of the stuff lately has been cut and sew or requires hand stitching which is expensive. so we try to keep the stuff really limited, so that it stays special. the bags sold out in a day. we won't be making anymore of that particular bag. but we will be making more limited bags and other items. Tuesday, October 18th, 2005 4:48 pm i, peter lewis kingston wentz, solemnly swear... im trying to figure it out. my head moves way faster than my mouth. i went to a party at chris from nsnyc's house for a party. it was about as good/bad as you would think. except dirty was there. so factor that one in. always up or down, never down and out.

the new nightmare of you record is fantastic. it makes me think of winters at home. love it or leave me. Sunday, October 16th, 2005 12:45 pm baby, im just bad news i don't know if it feels real been watching halloween movies lately to get me in the mood taking lots of naps its easier this way she wont ever love you the way she loves me youre not pretty enough and you dont make her heart beat been hiding messages in morse code and anagrams banging my wrist against the edge of the keyboard until it turns black and blue we're all settling all the time panic! at the disco makes me want to start this all over again coversations with you make me want it to never have begun at all nick plan and william beckett are on the list in one form or another always if you dont have your friends than you dont got shit and my friends are gold halloween is gonna be the best this year i think ive never been in california on halloween- it once was, but it hasnt been for a really long time spent most of the morning on the phone with my mommy cause she can always slow my breathing down you can get used to anything after a while even this, pete pretty boys for secret girls later skater Wednesday, October 12th, 2005 12:02 pm ill make you shake so hard you might not make it through the night new york city is fucking insane. get me. bruisa. fall makes me remember and want love.

okay okay cause i should:

1. you say crazy shit in your sleep, like about us living in old milwaukee. 2. right this second "wonderwall" sometimes star wars. 3. i dunno cherry coke flavored. 4. sugar tail, freckles in your eyes, basement windows, braces 5. new years on the windowsill. 6. uh kind of in a weird way the retriever head on the beagle body. just the nicest dog ever. 7. that one bane lyric, im pretty sure its a question. but mostly lately- what happened to my best friend?

nick york city. the clan party last night was rightious. im kinda going other places. feeling it. quit sleeping on it cause im the life. from the back of my legs to the back of my neck- im so glad there are people out there who won't let me fall off the face of the planet.

young.

panic at the disco at the knitting factory in new york tonight- 5pm. Tuesday, October 11th, 2005 12:57 am you remind me of this one movie. it makes me smile. but not with my mouth and way too many teeth. but with my eyes. trouble loves me. but you do way more. im dreaming on highway lines and phone hang-ups. just happy to be me. for one second.

i got a sweet vest and some teddy bear shoes. im good for cuddling. youre gonna have to trust me on that one.

[frankenbridez]

🎫 here's a gush pass ^^ feel free to gush about whichever f/o you want, however much you want, then send this ask to 3 other self shippers (optional) !

(if you dont wanna do it thats fine too ✌🏾) -gideongrovel

OMG HAIII GIDEON (swings u around) this seems fun so i will gladly do so! ~_~ 🎫💫

how can i choose just one! i have too many in my brain right now ~_~ but i'll go with the guy who showed his face in my brain first - my dwarf with a heart of gold

da2 was one of the first games i ever played of the DA series + finished! yes it has its flaws but tbh - it's flawless to me! i loved the cast of characters it has, including hawke like TT_TT thinking abt them make me so emotional they're my special guys...

varric stuck out to me in particular bc it was the concept of a really strong platonic relationship - something that i love, love seeing in games + stories. just having someone who had ur back no matter what throughout the years, with no other motive than just love and caring for one another. it was really funny because at first i thought there was some ulterior motive (he looked a lil sneaky to me...idk the cadence of his voice made me think he was up to something), but just finding out he just wanted to help someone just to help them like. RAUUGHHH 👹💥💥💥

he (+ dead.pool!) have been with me since i was 16 so of course. i love him with my whole life. every time i see him, it's like home. warm + cozy - a fireplace in a tavern 💫 cheesy as hell but one of my favorite aspects in our story is growing old together, grey hair and all >_o

also, can we talk about his looks. hello. he's gorgeous !!! hooded /sunken in eyes - perfect nose. his scars. but we already knew that!

+ a song that i always associate with him ✨

[nicollekidman]

podcast anon again. the second i saw you were getting into hh i got excited because i knew you were going to have good opinions by virtue of being a donnaharvey warrior. lucifer being banned from podcasts for feminist reasons is extremely real, bc what do you mean you spent 7+ years dressing up as p.t. barnum instead of spending time with your daughter. like what do you mean you've never met her significant other. do better. vaggie hates his ass and yet alastor is still down there in that hotel every day in a stunning show of freak/lesbian solidarity. like at this point the men of this show should start in jail and have to work their way out.. too many strikes and its public execution broadcast hunger games style. this obviously excludes alastor and sir pentious <3 s2 can also have a storyline where charlie tries to deprogram lute bc anyone who is best friends with adam has strong self-proclaimed darling-of-the-frat-house vibes.

i don’t even really want to add anything to this you are too funny and dialed in for me to improve on what’s going on here. do you know how rarely that happens… love that my donnaharvey laminated stan card is what gave me the pass here.

jeremy jordan cast as lucifer was a stroke of brilliance because my personal unfounded grudge against him made the deadbeat dad vibes even stronger, like wdym you’re tweaking at alastor helping out the daughter you ignored for years….. drop the piano on him again!!!! alastor barely tolerates anyone in hell besides charlie and an assorted array of freakass ladies and THAT’S activism…… dont let the king of hell (who didn’t even know his daughter was gay) get between you and your business partner you’re probably soul bound to protect in some way and will turn on eventually and her girlfriend who hates you

lute is SO hot she needs to be more involved in s2 i don’t care how…. jessica vosk you will always be famous!!!!!! also i am obsessed with the idea that all the citizens of hell are creating their own hunger games scenarios 24/7 like it is murder and crime and debauchery nonstop and all the rings have different vibes & setups…. and then charlie wanders around singing with her big wet eyes and everyone is like There She Goes Again but they love her and Pause as she goes by (need to see her fully hulked out in demon form PLEASE and bonus points if she fights with alastor beside her bc the bodies would stack up so rapidly and the song would BANG)

[crowdedstrangers]

and also since i decided to grow out my facial hair in.. september i think? maybe october… thats gotten a lot better also. i mean i still do shave my neck hair once in a while but i think thats mostly because i was only on t for a year and so my neck hair is really patchy and kind of funny looking.. but its become something i do sometimes if i feel like it rather than what it was during the beginning of my detransition where i had to shave it every day lest people realize that i can grow facial and think that im a freakwoman. but tbh ive always liked the pubestache look for some reason. i dont care at all if people can see my facial hair anymore for many reasons… #1 obviously because ummm feminism and ive started to realize how many other women grow hair like mine but shave it whether it be because of pcos or their ethnicity so i need to stand up and #represent. the other reason is that ive always wanted facial hair and liked how i look with it. i mean it was almost the main reason that i wanted take testosterone in thefirst place. the only reason that i shaved after detransitioning was because i didnt want to be perceived as a freak but now that ive stopped caring about what sex i pass as its become such a non thing like i really dont think about it at all. and its crazy because when i did shave daily i was always hyper aware of my hair growth and thought that unless i shaved against the grain every day it was super noticable but now that ive stopped ive realized that it takes like at least a couple weeks of growth for it to be noticeable to anyone other than myself. which i know is just how body dysmorphia works in general.. like if you try to hide any physical characteristic itll make you perceive it as so much more prominent than it really is... like exactly what happened when i used to bind my chest because now that ive stopped ive realized that i straight up look completely flat chested unless im wearing a skin tight shirt and standing up straight and even then theres not much there unless im on my period and wearing a padded bra. but when i used to bind every day i thought that if i ever missed one day of binding that my boobs would be so noticeable that it would completely hinder my ability to pass as male and that everyone would realize that im really a woman and and yeah anyway i guess the message here is to not try to change your physical insecurities…. lest you succumb to the body dysmorphia grindset

[whorecunture]

tw: suicide

nothing really matters at all i just found out i probably wont be graduating on time and it's over 3 elective credits that don't have anything to do with my degree and it's coinciding w a lot of other shit right now. like realizing i mightve just had ADHD and that's why i felt so different and weird all the time as a kid even when i tried really hard to control it and be likeable

and w this its just like. five fucking years of getting straight As, i could count the amount of Bs ive gotten on one hand but like literally none of that matters. every time i rushed to class, every late night trying my best to make sense of material, putting my heart into the work i was doing bc i really believed like it mattered and was powerful but the truth is that it doesn't matter

school is the only thing ive been able to understand and do well in. and it doesn't even matter if i move onto something else bc that next thing isnt steady either and it's like for what? five years of that, im broke, im lonely, im sad and i go through life so scared and stressed and for what?

my parents. my mom already said if i died she'd get over it and i think suicide would hurt my dad but i think he'd be okay too. i am really scared at what irl do to my little brother. we dont talk as much as id like, he's very quiet and a really great kid, but he's like 5 hrs away and doesnt see me often so im hoping that helps

im so selfish bc even the good friends i have as much as i love them, ik they'll be fine - things keep going, you meet new ppl, u find other reasons to smile. im just too tired to find it. and i don't think it'll make me happy. anther best friend won't suddenly make me happy, a partner that loves me won't make me happy, nothing will bc ive noticed all my life even when i was a kid, i always felt very sad. i think now it might've been that ADHD i just could never get what i was doing wrong and why ppl disliked it so much. and i think that left me w the fear i live w today that makes everything so hard.

it's not that i dont believe life comes in waves, that every new day is an another opportunity to be kind, to be happy, that mourning will only last for a night, it's just that i don't care anymore. even those good times, they're just a quick, minuscule moment where things are too busy for me to remember how heavy and jarring the sadness in me is.

i sometimes think that the adults who told me i was mature were just seeing that sadness.

To kill myself, I'm deciding between either taking Nyquil or renewing my prescription for my sleeping pills and swallowing it down w alcohol. I think I would want to clean my house down first. The real scandalous things i'd pack up in a bag at my doorway so a friend could take them before my parents come for my things (i leave everything to my family to sift through but Amari gets first pick at everything and dibs on what money i have left). then id pick a night, get high, watch something easy and funny, maybe spongebob or drag race, then id swallow everything while lying on my couch.

literally nothing in life matters. it doesn't matter how many times i recreate myself, it doesn't matter which god i do/dont pledge my allegiance to, it doesn't even matter how others feel about me. whatever they feel now will pass and even the parts of me that stay with them, they'll be able to live with despite everything.

nothing matters and im too tired to pretend it does so i can make it to another day.

[4dtk]

hello my honey bunch UMM IM NOT SURE IF IM SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE EACH ONE??? BUT IM GONNA DO IT ANW

can i request 3 from the hand holding, 16 from the hugging, 26 from the kissing and 3 from the touching with jaehyun!!!!

FUCK IDK IF I DID RIGHT I HOPE THIS IS OKAY <333

yes you did it right, dont worry! hope u enjoy this angel!! and welcome back <333 (ps holy crap this is long AHASHDHDH)

hand-holding, 3: cold hands in warm hands

hugs, 16: ‘not wanting to let go’ hugs

kisses, 26: giggling while kissing

touching, 3: hiding face in neck

“c’mon! you’re gonna miss the sunrise,” you drag jaehyun along the mountains, a clear path etched into the ground that visitors always took whenever they wanted to view the sunrise. the both of you got lucky today, being the only two people who got up early enough to catch the night sky turn into yellows and oranges, before it rests in the usual sky blue you’d see up in the sky.

well… one of you was. “do we really need to see the sunrise again, baby? i was perfectly content cuddling with you…” your husband knew better than to argue with you when you have your eyes set on something, especially with something like a sunrise. it was a by-product of why you selected this B&B atop of a mountain where you’d be freezing your asses off, but jaehyun could hardly reject your suggestion when he saw how excited you were.

“oh, i’ve always wanted to go back to a mountainside hostel! i remember the last one, ’twas so good, whatdya say?” jaehyun remembers every detail you’ve told him: from the countless cats, to the stunning trail to where you watched the sunrise with your family, the edible flower they cooked up for you. he can’t say no when your eyes are lit up like that, and so, he hauled himself out of bed to put on a simple outfit, relying on your hand to guide him.

you know he doesn’t mean it, but you pout either way, both at his words and the time on your watch. it’s dangerously close to when the staff said the sun would rise. the thought alone of missing the sky drives you to take quicker steps, struggling against the thin air the higher and higher you went.

“hah… finally,” you mumble to yourself, perching yourself near a field of crops that belonged to those living nearby. you were careful not to crush any of the sprouts, patting the space beside you as you waited for the show to start. jaehyun takes your hand wordlessly, letting out a gasp at how cold your hands were; it showed you appreciated the warmth with the way your fingers curled around his, it was natural instinct, both a result of your body reacting to warmth and to the love of your significant other.

“you’re freezing, angel,” jaehyun laughs, “maybe you made a mistake wearing fingerless gloves this morning. c’mon, take ‘em out.”

“it was dark!” you glare at him, “and no, you want me to have a frozen hand when i touch your face later?”

“i’ll warm it up for you, c’mon.” you grumble but comply either way, removing the sad excuse of protection from the cold, fingers instantly curling into your husband’s. he blows onto it, conversation falling silent as your keep your eyes trained on the sight in front of you.

it’s slow, the minutes pass, the sky barely changing. the sun decides to stop the teasing, unleashing its brilliant lights that prompt the both of you to squint. it becomes more bearable to longer you look at it, welcoming the painting of warm colours you never tire of seeing. it mixed like an impromptu painting, unknowingly presenting a magnificent piece of art despite the messiness among the clouds and skyline.

jaehyun has moved behind you by then, engulfing you in his arms while he continued to warm your hands. jokingly, he wedges his hand in between your neck, surprising you slightly with his ice cold lips that were slowly cracking.

as the colours thicken and blend, you can feel the other snuggle more into the crook of your neck, gentle and careful to not shock you again. his body fits with yours perfectly, body warmth gradually shared the more and longer you embrace. with a shift of your butt, you’re moving to stand up, but immediately gets pulled down by his strong arms.

“not yet…” he mumbles, fighting against sleepiness for you. there’s a stammer in his voice as he struggles to find the words he wants to say. you attempt to stand up a second time and this time, jaehyun lets you, ready to follow you with an arm around your waist. “why’d you wanna stand up?”

you say nothing as you place your hands on his cheeks, cold to the touch. there’s time for you to admire his face later, so you dive in to fit your lips to his. it moves without trouble, having done this countless times like how jaehyun’s arms fit around your middle. his body is pressed flush against your own, able to feeling every muscle that’s reacting to your kiss that it leaves him hungry for more.

it makes you woozy, dizzy, dopey, the way jaehyun is fondling you, lips moving in tandem with the squeezing hands on your sides. a bit of warmth creeps up from the side, signifying the last bits of the sunrise. it makes the other smile, but you’re not sure why.

you pull away curiously, mouth only an inch from his as you impatiently waited for his answer. “no… just… funny how you brought me up here to watch the sky change colours and instead you’re locking lips with me.” he says with a smirk.

“oh my god, shut up,” you’re giggling like a schoolgirl, taken back to when you’d laugh shamelessly backstage as the members teased you; including the time when the two of you were interviewed for one of korea’s slice-of-life magazines with a suggestive answer on jaehyun’s part… and also of the time when you almost slipped on cake batter that you dropped on the floor.

each day you spend with your boyfriend-turned-husband is guaranteed to be filled with laughter, and now is just one more memory to store away. jaehyun hovers over your lips this time, unifying your smiles with miscalculated kisses that never quite land. you’re struggling to contain it now, breaking contact to stretch your lips into a grin that is reciprocated by the other.

“will your cute ass stop giggling?” he wants to fake his anger, but it backfires as his own laugh fills your ears. it feels like a warm hug after a rainy day, and you give him just that while your arms encircle around his neck. you can’t care much for the colours blooming in the sky now, rather admiring the crimson appearing on his cheeks even after the many years you’ve been together. you bury your face in his chest.

“thank you, jae. for loving me,” your confession is whispered so soft that the other is convinced he wouldn’t hear it. but he does, and the softening of his eyes is something you don’t catch.

“i’m happy to do it. everyday, baby, it’s everyday that i fall deeper and deeper. i hope it’ll never end,” you’re silent, but the words make your heart and cheeks flare up and it’s a minute before you find the courage to say your part.

“likewise, jaehyun. i love you.”

[twatshag]

"Can I ask you something?"

♤ In which haikyuu boys ask you personal questions ♤

Pairings: iwaizumi x reader, osamu x reader, kuroo x reader All gn!!

Warnings: mentions of death(not the characters), suggestive topics, mentions of daddy issues, mention of past troubles, insecurities, mentions of exs cheating, crying

Genre: fluff, slightly angsty but still fluffy.

—----------------------------------------------—

A/N: In honour of mental health month I wanted to write this piece to make you guys feel loved by the boys ! You are loved and cared for and as much as I hated hearing it but things WILL get better. Stay strong I want you to fight.- Kira

—----------------------------------------------—

Miya Osamu

You and your boyfriend were cuddling against one another in your bed it was a routine you both loved doing on your free days. Basking in each others warmth while talking about your days and what the future holds.

Osamu's laugh rang through the bedroom walls while he played with your hair. "And then she literally drops her cake right onto my laptop and it freakin' broke it!!" "Ma god angel was tha cake that hard?" "You have no idea how much I wanted to punch her for one, baking a cake that was literally so hard if I ate a rock it would've been softer and two for breaking my freaking laptop !".

Osamu chuckled once again as he kissed your forehead and you frowning because of how can he find the awful events that you've been dealing with all week funny at all.

"There there angel A don't want ya getting forehead wrinkles from frowning too hard ya know." He chuckled while poking your ticklish sides earning a slap on his hand. "Jeez I think I'd literally cry if I ever got them." Osamu smiled against your hairline as the conversation came to a halt maybe this was the right moment to ask what he's been thinking about all week he thought.

"Angel can a ask you something?". You tilted your head to look at him while he gazed right back at you while popping an eyebrow at his question "is your question going to be 'can ya help me get off?' ? Because your answer is no."

Osamu chuckled and rolled his eyes at your so bold statement just a while back in your relationship you'd be blushing profusely if he made any type of suggestive comment wondering what happened to his innocent S/o.

"Nah angel I'm serious here". Noticing his serious features you decided to nod and see what he has to say.

Gulping he decided to ask away. "What made ya believe in love again? Ya know after yer ex had cheated on ya?" Your eyes widened at his sudden question earning a worried panicked look from him. Looking around the room to avoid this awkward situation he put himself into "Y-ya dont hafta answer ya know A- a Just couldn't-" "you."

His eyes met yours with a dumb founded expression you deciding to continue on since there was no backing down now. I mean you always knew that one day he'd ask you about it but it still made you sink a bit when he did.

"I mean sure of course there would be times where you smelled different or something and I'd panic or times you got so many notifications on your phone and i'd let my past get the better of me and snoop but after 3 months of dating, you told me something that just healed everything I've been through."

You smiled at him and he looked back at you with a curious look to what his so called healing words were.

"You told me you loved me. And I know that sounds so stupid" you laughed heavily releasing the lump in your throat.

"But the way you looked at me was like an unspoken promise to never hurt me like he did." You shrugged smiling at him and burying your face against his chest.

Osamu was dumbfounded by your response sure he knew he might be the reason but confirmation doesnt make the love sick smug grin on his face and the warmth rising to it any less effective.

He held you as tight as he can. "God angel ya really know how to get a man flustered say how bout ya help me get o-" "no" "Angelllllllllllll" you scoffed at him and hit his chest. "Shut up and sleep Miya" to which he laughed at the sound of his last name even when you were upset and you addressed him by his last name he can't help but smile at how beautiful it sounded coming from you. "Yer breaking ma heart here angel don't make me take yer cuddling rights." Chuckling as your grip around him tightened and drifting off to sleep together while he played with your hair.

Making mental note to always be the one who heals you forever because you were the one who healed him too and God did he love you so much for everything that you did.

Iwaizumi Hajime

Today was your regular late night drive throughs and talks about your life while stuffing your face with fast food with your beefy athletic trainer boyfriend.

As you brought the sandwich to your mouth and took a big bite you moaned at the heavenly taste earning a chuckle from the green eyed man next to you.

"Can't believe I'm not the one who's making you moan that way but a sandwich."

You rolled your eyes at his snarky comment while stuffing your mouth with the sandwich "shushth up iwa-chanth".

"Jeez who knew romance was dead L/n and I told you stop calling me that and don't speak with a mouth full last time you did you had to clean my car seat" he laughed earning an intensive glare his way from you.

You swallowed and thought about a good come back for a second. "I wasn't the one who threw up in my cup holder was I? Iwaaa-chaaaannnn" making sure to drag the annoying nickname out just to tease him.

He rolled his eyes at you "you're such a brat, doll and you know how I can't deal with spicy food who's fault was that?" You laughed "oh shut up, you loved me for the after care you got Hajime." "I'll think about it."

Smacking his chest lightly as you both laughed into the night.

Should I ask ? I really don't want to pry. I mean it's been weeks since they've told me about it and I dont want them to feel alone maybe I shouldn't ask them iwaizumi thought to himself while staring at the sandwich in his hands. But before he could decide he was snapped back to reality by your voice "not hungry Haji?" Before he could settle on a decision the words have already come out of his mouth.

"Doll can I ask you something?" You raised an eye brow at his sudden serious tone and you nodded "of course, anything haji-baby" feeling the atmosphere turn tense you decided to pull out the favourite nick name card and he smiled nervously.

"Do you miss her?" You felt your heart sink. Your friend had gotten into an accident talking with her boyfriend while driving resulting them in a critical state which lead to them passing away. You smiled weakly.

"Yes I do.." he stared at you worried that he might've crossed a line or broke a boundary but before he could overthink you opened your mouth to speak again.

"But you know, my care taker always told me something that always stuck to me about death. They said Nobody dies before age" he frowned confusingly. "What do you mean?" He asked eager to know what your statement meant.

"It means that when a person passes away they've served their purpose and they accomplished what they wanted to on earth so they go into their next step. A life even better than what they've gotten." You gazed at him smiling of course it hurt, alot but your friend was very successful and very happy when you went to the funeral and walked up to her casket the way she lied there was a peaceful sight. Slight smile on her face despite her body being cold.

As much as it hurt saying good bye you couldn't help but smile at how happy she looked to earn peace of an even better life in the next. Leaving her pain behind her.

Iwaizumi reached to hold your hand thinking he couldn't possibly be more in love how foolish he thought.

"You're really strong you know that?" You laughed heavily squeezing his hand while a few tears slipped out of your eyes. "Its a part of life you know its just it always hurts when they leave but it makes me at ease knowing that something better is out there for them."

You looked up at your boyfriend who was tearing up in front of you exchanging silent smiles and promises to never be sad when anything happens to you both individually because at the end of the day the light at the end of the tunnel is always brighter than the start.

Kissing in the dead of night as a confirmation to what you both were thinking and agreeing to your promise. While he held you in his arms remembering to always make you feel better because even though his job was draining coming home to you and embracing you was something that always, always made him feel better. Hoping that it would be your cure as well.

Kuroo Tetsuro

"Kitten! Come help me with this!" Kuroo whined as he was trying to hang up the drawn portrait of your pet dog on the wall. Today was just a normal lazy day in the kuroo & L/n household. "Tetsu- stop whining can't you see I'm busy here" you rolled your eyes at your 6'2 pouting boyfriend who's suddenly bad at everything he can do alone knowing damn well he just uses it as an excuse to be close to you.

Despite what everyone thought of Kuroo he sure was the clingy type in fact if you got up to the bathroom during the night he'd whine about how you don't love him anymore because you left his arms.

Walking over to you trying to put the portrait into different frames you had placed on the floor deciding which one would look the best on the wall. He crouched down to your level and hugged you from behind while resting his chin on your shoulder.

"Kitten don't use that sassy tone with me I'm still your senpai chibi-chan." You giggled and rolled your eyes at his silly nickname "you know that it's been 5 years since high school right ?" He smirked at you and kissed your neck earning a whimper from you at the warm sensation. "But you're still my chibi-chan" "whatever you say captain"

you smiled at his warmth while sliding the portrait out of the frame you put it in. "Say chibi-chan, why don't you start calling me captain in bed?" You looked at him with the best deadpan expression you could make while he wiggled his eyebrows at you as a way to say 'whatcha think???' "No". You answered back.

you stood up grabbing the frame you thought fit best on the wall and he followed you like a lost puppy "oooohhh come on chibi-chan, how would that hurt? You refused to call me daddy you know!" You laughed at his annoying smug grin and rolled your eyes at his pouty face.

"I'm not calling you captain testu- besides why isn't testu enough for you? Sex is supposed to be intimate why would I call you something that I don't like thinking about." You chuckled,

but he knew better than anyone that your chuckle wasn't because you thought it was funny but because you were hiding the slight pain in your voice.

If you had anything common with kuroo it was that your home wasn't as perfect either. Your father was indeed home and he lived with you guys but if he wasn't it would've probably been for the better. And he knew about that.

"Kitten can I ask you something?" You rolled your eyes thinking this was going to be another bribe for you to call him some nick name during sexual intercourse but decided to play along. "Aye aye captain ask away." Popping the cardboard open to place the portrait inside the decided frame you heard him swallow and he opened his mouth to talk.

"Is it because of him?" You almost dropped the portrait from your hands. Grip hardening on the piece of paper in your hold.

You looked at him sadness reflecting your eyes trying to hide it behind your weak smile. You nodded. "Yeah. It is".

You didn't notice how your hand started shaking becoming angry and over rushed with every negative emotion in your body tears swelling up your eyes not noticing how your boyfriend was already by your side placing the paper you held so tightly on to the side while pulling you in to his chest and relaxing as you softened against him.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked you that." You sniffles against shaking your head. "No it's okay, it's just.." he placed his hand on your head tracing his thumb against your hair lightly something that always soothed you when your sad.

"I just don't want to remember him, You know and I still feel like it's my fault that he's the way he is, maybe if I-" "no."

Kuroo cut you off by lifting your chin up to look at him worry and pain plastered onto his face. How can anyone hurt you he thought.

"It's not your fault kitten, if anything he's the asshole. You didn't deserve him and his shitty behaviour if I was in his place I would've made sure to protect you even from myself."

You laughed while he wiped your tears and you leaned to his touch "you just made this sound gross testu" he chuckled and pulled you into his chest once again allowing you to hear his racing heart that only raced for you.

"guess I'm gross for making my kitten laugh while crying" you giggled wrapping your arms tightly around him, enjoying his warmth and love for a few seconds before mumbling. "Captain sounds nice.." giggling to yourself and suddenly yelping as he picked you up bridal style and kissing your lips making his way to the bedroom

"Tetsu put me down!!! We still didn't hang the portrait yet!!" He chuckled as you squirmed in his hold "nope I'm sure the portrait could wait right now I have to take this new nickname for a test drive" as he closed the door to the bedroom leaving you and your worries behind.

You knew that at the end of the day kuroo would never hurt you. Unless it's in bed but that's beside the point.. he truly loved you and while you laid in his arms that night completely bare he vowed to himself to always protect you. Even if that meant from himself.

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A/N: I hope that you guys enjoyed this piece dedicated to mental health month! Please don't ever doubt your feelings they are valid and you have every right to feel the way you feel thank you all for being the way you guys are ! Much love to everyone! Stay strong

P.S: ILL UPDATE AS SOON AS I GET MY REQUESTS OPEN!!!

- with love kira

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[wcnderlnds]

where do broken hearts go / peter maximoff x reader

Pairing: Peter Maximoff x Reader Description: You and Peter used to be inseparable but now he can’t bear to be around you. Warnings: sad peter??? Word Count: 1601 A/N: okay full disclosure i dont usually write angst i’m usually a fluff/humour type of gal but i’m trying to delve into the world of pain so go easy on me. gif is from google bc... lazy.

You never thought you’d be back here but fate had a funny way of rearing it’s ugly head. It had been two years since you’d left Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters. It hadn’t been an easy decision but you couldn’t stay there. After everything that had happened with Apocalypse, you realised that wasn’t the life you wanted to live and made a run for it. You wanted a normal life — not one where you could be attacked at any given moment for being different. So, you’d headed back to your family. Thankfully, there was only one person who knew where you lived these days and Charles knew better than to try and convince you to come back. Once your mind was made up, that was it. You were one stubborn person. That didn’t mean it didn’t break your heart to leave because it did. There was so much you’d left behind — your friends, your mentors and, most importantly, Peter Maximoff.

The moment you and Peter had met over ten years ago you’d instantly clicked. Charles had needed yours and Peter’s help with something. That something was breaking out Magneto from a high security prison but you didn’t really like to bring that up much. That was when you and Peter had first met and from that moment on you’d been inseparable. You’d decided to stay at the school to learn to control your abilities while Peter had gone back home but you’d stayed in touch the whole time. There had been so many times when you’d tried to talk him into coming to the school but he wanted to be with his family. Whenever you could, you met up and that had eventually turned into the two of you dating. You’d officially been together for three years when everything changed.

After Peter had showed up at the school and saved you (and everyone else) from the burning building things took a wild turn. Apocalypse had happened. It had shook you to your core. As much as you loved Peter, as much as you loved the people you were surrounded with on a daily basis you couldn’t take the risk of that happening again. So, you’d left. There was no goodbyes because that would’ve been too painful so instead you’d left your favourite silver haired speedster a letter. There had been so many times when Peter had tried to get in contact with you but you ignored him. If you were going to even have the tiniest bit of a normal life then you had to leave everything behind including the love of your life.

Now, here you were stood outside of the doors to the place you’d vowed to never return to. Your abilities had taken a bit of an unexpected turn. You had tried to keep it under control by yourself but when you’d almost accidentally hurt a family member you knew it was time to get some real help. If there were any other place you could’ve gone, you would’ve but only Charles, Erik and everyone at the school could help you.

With a deep, shaky breath, you pushed open the doors to the building you hadn’t seen in a while. Students were rushing around making their way to their next class. It was Hank who spotted you first. Quickly, he dashed over to you pulling you into a bone crushing hug. “(Y/N)!” He exclaimed. “It’s so good to see you! Charles told me we’d be expecting you.”

“Kinda need to breathe here, buddy,” you gasped, patting your friend on the back as he released his hold on you. “It’s good to see you, too. Does… uh, does Peter know I’m here?”

Hank frowned. “Not as far as I know but I think you should talk to him first before anything else. The last thing we all need is for things to be awkward around here.”

A heavy sigh passed your lips. He was right, like always. The last thing you wanted to do was waltz in and make things weird for everyone so you were going to have to be an adult and face Peter no matter how much it was going to hurt. 

After chatting for a little with Hank and a few others — Jean, Scott and Jubilee — you sought out Peter. Nerves were bubbling up inside as you wandered through the corridors hoping to get a glimpse of the speedster. Your palms were sweaty as you rubbed them together, a stress headache slowly but surely making its presence known. Maybe coming back here wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe you should’ve just isolated yourself and gone into hiding. It’d be better than having to do this.

It was then you finally laid eyes on him. He was leaning against the wall, looking at his watch as impatiently as ever. There was a brief pause while you had an internal pep talk with yourself then you made your way to him.

“Peter?” You said meekly.

At the sound of your voice, he looked at you. Before you could even open your mouth to say anything else he was gone.

*****

Since then you’d tried for three days to talk to him but every time he would run off or try to avoid you. Admittedly, it hurt but you knew you didn’t have the right to be hurt. He was acting this way because he was hurt. You deserved it but that didn’t make it any less painful. So, you asked Hank to help you out.

Impatiently, you waited in the danger room. Hands on your hips as you paced up and down in the empty room. The plan was for Hank to ask Peter to come and run through some scenarios with him then once he was in the room Hank was going to lock him in there so he couldn’t escape. At the sound of the door opening, you froze hoping this would work.

“Give me a second. I need to go make sure everyone knows we’ve got the room for a bit.” Hank patted Peter on the shoulder before quickly exiting the room and locking it. Peter hadn’t noticed you yet, a confused look on his face as he noticed the door locking.

“Hank, what the…” He banged on the door.

“He’s not going to let you out,” you said from where you were stood at the other end of the room. Peter spun around to face you.

“I have nothing to say to you,” his tone was brash — something you’d never experienced with him before.

“I know but, Peter, I really need - “ you started with a step closer to him.

“And I really needed you!” He exclaimed throwing his arms in the air with an exasperated sigh. “I broke my leg and needed you but instead I was handed a letter by Hank telling me you were gone. So, I don’t really care what you need. You bailed on me when I needed you the most.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, sorry,” your eyes began to brim with tears. 

“It’s too late for that. You broke my heart and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you for that.”

“I was selfish and… I didn’t think. I was thinking about myself and that was wrong. I know that now. I’m sorry for leaving you. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I thought about you every single day. I loved you, Pete. I still love you and… I’m just so sorry.”

Tears had freely began to fall down your cheeks. It was taking all of Peter’s will to not close the space between you and wipe them away. No matter how much he was angry at you, he still loved you too but he couldn’t bring himself to get hurt again. 

“Everyone told me I’d forget about you and move on but it’s two years later and here I am still wanting to make you feel better instead of myself,” he looked at the ground. It hurt to look at you especially now that you were crying. “You broke me, (Y/N). I just….” He paused, shaking his head. “I still love you too but… I can’t. The trust is completely gone. I’m not willing to give you my heart again when you were so careless with it the first time.”

“I know,” you sniffed. Your sweater clad hand moved to rub at your eyes but was stopped mid way when Peter grabbed it, lowering it. The pads of his thumbs moved to gently wipe the tears from your cheeks which only made you cry more.

“I need time. I need to learn how to be around you again. I need to learn how to trust you again and then… maybe we can….” He trailed off unable to bring himself to say it. He didn’t need to give himself false hope. By now his forehead was resting against yours, his eyes closed as if it was physically hurting him to say his next words. “But, for now, I need you to leave me alone. Please.”

You nodded, taking a step back to put space back between the two of you as you shouted. “Hank, open the door.”

In mere seconds the door unlocked. With one last look and a sad smile Peter left the room leaving you alone. If there was one thing you knew, it was that you’d do anything to make Peter Maximoff happy again. If space was what he needed then you’d give him it. No matter how long it took — he was worth it.

[werewolfcave]

OH BOY PACI YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU UNLEASHED BY TELLING ME TO TALK ABOUT VUL AND TURE IN YOUR INBOX!!!!

oKAY SO!!! it starts like how all things in gods below start: with the goddess. So the goddess has just been created and she makes the world and humans and animals and beasts and everything and she goes you know what would be fun? if I just started killing everything I just made! so she does! but here's the thing! when you start killing stuff, they arent going to worship you anymore and instead are going to fear you! so the humans begin fighting back and stop giving the goddess gifts and she throws a tantrum about it before deciding that the only sane thing to do is to make a new form that looks very similar to a human and pretends to kill her true form and it works! humanity begins to worship her again!

a couple hundred years pass and the goddess is like "damn... im super fuckin bored again and i cant just kill people like last time" so she does what anyone in her situation would do and makes a new sentient species that just kills people so she can watch them slaughter cause its funny then calls them servants. because its totally not a red flag when your god makes servants that just kill you for funsies. theres plenty of servants, with them being divided into two types. magic type, and physical type. those are pretty easy to understand methinks but the gist is just that magic types are good at killing with spells and physical types are good at killing with their physical bodies. aditionally, all servants are created in sibling pairs who's names make up one full bird name (some examples are buzz and ard, as well as spar and row). these sibling pairs are made up of one of each type, although which one isnt always consistent, and sibling pairs dont have to be set genders. if one member of a pair dies, the remaining one will take on the rest of their name and make it just the bird name (an example of this is parrot who was previously named rot until they lost their sibling to humans that fought back)

of the servents, one sibling pair created with much more power than the rest quickly rise to power. These servants are vul and ture. vul is their magic type and ture is their physical type. The two were incredibly close, and their combined power was able to slaughter entire armies in only an hour. They rule as the princess and prince of the servants until the events that end arc one of gods below.

you see, because the servants were created to be scapegoats, the humans didn't know they were linked to the goddess. eventually, being the scapegoat makes ture upset, as he's sick of being treated like shit by the people while they still worship his creator and he begins to work on a revolution. unlike ture, however, his sister, vul, is still a blind follower of the goddess. this loyalty eventually morphs into a crush, and the goddess immediately takes advantage of this.

the goddess convinces vul that she can tell her anything and that the goddess cares about her more than anyone else and vul is constantly manipulated and lied to by the goddess. this is the start of a horrible relationship, and one of many in gods below that include the goddess unfortunately.

ture goes to his sister to tell her about the rebellion, but vul refuses to believe, insisting that the goddess is really a good person and that theres a reason for everything that she does. ture tries to concince his sister of the goddess being literally the worst and tell her about how the goddess is simply using her, but vul refuses to believe. ture gives an ultimatum, join the rebellion, or he will kill her, but he does make it obvious that he really doesnt want to kill vul.

so, vul tells the goddess about ture's rebellion ahd the goddess goes "okay so im gonna make these two fight to the death! sweet!"

so the goddess tells vul that if she fights her brother for her (which she doesn’t need to do because the goddess is A FUCKING GOD) then she will make vul a god and then the two will get married so that vul will be her queen. Vul accepts, but on the condition that HE gets to be the goddess’ KING instead. The goddess agrees because she's the worst bisexual ever.

vul and ture fight, and ture tells vul that this will only hurt him in the long run and that he should just step aside. vul does not, and the fight continues.

ture starts winning easily because while both are p tanky and stuff, vul does not stand a change in a physical fight with his brother because ture is more physical powerful, whereas vul is more magically powerful.

ture is winning, and is about to kill vul, but he hesitates. thats his sibling. he doesnt think defeating the goddess be worth it without him. vul takes the opportunity to seal him away and end the battle

now that ture is gone, the goddess is like "haha thank you babe <3 (i do not love you) i love you so much (i will abuse you) we will be such a good couple (we will not)" and transforms vul into a god, giving him a similar form to her goddess form and then they get married and proceed to have the worst marriage ever.

this is the end of arc one! there is more but i will get to those in the next few asks!

-of course it starts with the goddess it always does

-faking your death #justgirlythings

-oh boy! Servants that Kill!!

-oooohh so they're all named like that okay cool cool cool

-Kinda banger to be named Rot

-Of fucking course they're scapegoats

-oh yay!!! Revolution!!!!

-Yippee!!!! Toxic relationships

-ULTIMATUM

-death matches it's always death matches

-OH GOD OH FUCK VUL VUL ITS A TRAP VUL GODHOOD IS A PRISON AND ONLY THE GODDESS CAN ESCAPE OH GOD VUL CANT HEAR US THEY HAVE AIRPODS IN

-Trans rights tho I guess

-the old bait and seal

[gayenerd]

Interview with Billie for the Kerrang Yearbook. Sounds like this took place around 2000-2001?

Hello Billie Joe. A bit pissed at the Kerrang Awards weren't you? "I was drinking with Papa Roach the night before. Everybody went to see The Cult in Brixton. All the American bands like Papa Roach and Queens Of The Stone Age were there. I felt terrible when I got out of bed to go to the Kerrang Awards." Who ended up worse off - you or Coby Dick? "Sometimes Coby can't even hold it together when he's sober! He's super-hyper all the time. You have to say, 'Coby, turn it off for 2 minutes - I'm in my bunk!' Then he'll turn it off and you can get into a decent conversation." You experienced some difficulty in getting off the stage after accepting your Kerrang Award. "Award's shows freak me out - I'm so scared shitless of those things so I end up doing stupid things. I never theought I'd ever win an award for playing music. Watching all our videos being shown up on the screen, I just looked at Mike and Tre and said. 'Does this mean we're old now?' I can be such a self-conscious freak. I just don't know how to be cool." What's the healthiest thing you've done this year? "I like to keep myself fit. I run, I skateboard, and i'll hit the weights every other day. You reach a certain age when you've gotta start looking out for yourself. I'm staring down the barrel of 30, you know? My dad really let himself fall to @#%$ and I don't want to end up like that. Theres a preconcieved idea about musicians and punk musicians in particular that we have to self-destruct, and I can't buy into that. I like to breathe. Like like it when my heart beats - Its a really cool thing." Have you cut down on your drinking recently? "When i'm on tour I drink all day long with the guys. There's nothing else to do. But i've been at homea while. There are many, many moods to Billie Joe. There's drunk me and theres not-drunk me." What have you learned about being a father during the past year? "You learn new things every day as your kids' characters and personalities are building. Joey is 6 now, he's not a baby at all, he's a little boy. And Jacob, who's 3, is a maniac. The one rule I have is that I never expose them to television." What have you learned about Tre and Mike this past year? "Wow (long pause). I learned that Mike is a Bob Dylan fan, which was kind of suprising. I'm not the biggest fan but I definately appreciate Bob Dylan. And Tre is becoming really fluent in Spanish. His wife is Nicaraguan." What color has your hair been this year? "I shaved my head when I got off the road. Its been black. I haven't really been changing it. When the boy groups started dyeing their hair, I had to stop." Any fashion tips you'd care to pass on to Kerrang readers? "I've been wearing the same pants since High School! Never been into the Versace thing." Best punk rock song you've heard this year? "Last Nite by The Strokes. They're not really a punk band, but those guys have a really cool outlook and a good sensibility about how they present themselves. All the rap rock metal bands have lost that rock'n'roll element, and i'm just a sucker for good rock'n'roll music." What song has been stuck in your head this year, even though you hate it? "Smooth Criminal by Alien Ant Farm. It was bad when Michael Jackson sang it, but it's even worse second time around! Y'know, I think Michael Jackson should join Slipknot. His face looks so bizarre now, its like he's wearing a mask." Are Slipknot still the scariest dudes in rock? "In about a year from now, if they're still as popular as they are now, they'll be as American as apple pie. That's sort of what happened to Marilyn Manson. When he came out he was really scary looking, like 'Jesus Christ! This guy is a maniac!' But now its, 'Oh, theres Marilyn, mowing the lawn, no big deal.' I like Manson, but it's funny how the most normal people end up being the most threatening, and the people who are scariest at first end up kinda normal. That's the dissapointing thing about shock value. Neil Young is more threatening than Slipknot just because he's smarter and has more of an opinion." How much fun did you have on tour in 2001? "It's really exciting at first because you're in different places every day, but after a while i'd rather be home. I get into really long conversations with my wife, I talk to my kids a lot, I'll write little notes and draw pictures for them and fax them to the house. Our sets are getting longer, sometimes we'll play up to three hours, and its because there is no rock'n'roll lifestyle for me other than that. I'm a devoted husband and a devoted father, and so all that decadent bullshit is not my thing. You start to wonder, 'Is this the life for me?' But then I get home and I dont know what the @#%$ to do with myself because i'm not playing music. People have looked at us and gone, 'Obviously these guys have no place to go after the gig because they're still on stage!'" Where were you on September 11? "I was on West Coast time, so it was really early in the morning for me. I saw the towers fall, and it felt like the world was gonna end. What amazes me is that Tony Blair is almost heading the coalition by himself! Does he realise what he's getting his country into? This is @#%$ serious! There's been a lot of shocking words used: the 'crusade against terrorism'. The las thing you say to someone from the Middle East is the word 'crusade'." After September 11, do you share America's renewed sense of patriotism? "No way. I can't really see myself as a patriot. I don't see what happened in New York as an act of war, it's an act of terrorism. Every country has had to deal with terrorism in some form, and this is the first time America has ever seen it and they dont know what to do, so everyone is clinging to these war slogans. All the flags is people's cars and homes - it just seems kind of gross to me." Has American learnt from the tragedy? "I hope some good stuff comes out of this. People have become so self-absorbed and dedicated to their careers. I'm not a person to wave a flag for family values or anything like that, but there comes a time when your relationships and your family is the most important thing, not whether you're making $100,000 every year. Thats what I hope comes out of it - that people realise the important things in life." Six Of The Best Best Friend: " Valium. Lots of plane flights, man. Valium only lasts four hours, so if you're on an 11 hour flight take two and a half." Best advice: "Put your head between your knees if you think you are gonna pass out." Best Ass: "Tre Cool. Not only because he has one, but because he is one." Personal Best: The pinnacle moment for me this year, musically, was playing Reading. It was a great show. There's so many bands nowadays who can't play live, but to actually do it and have people singing along and getting something sentimental out of it at the same time, thats rare, and we achieved that at Reading." Best Night Out: "The furst night I went out after september 11. I really went for it. American has these feelings of its days being numbered. It's like a country that has just got cancer, but the cancer's in remission. A lot of people are doing all the things they've always talked about doing. I hadn't partied really hard in a while, so that's what I did. I went to a couple of bars with Mike and Tre and our producer. We got loud and had a good time." Best Buy: " My cellphone. The ring tone is just a goofy tune. And it vibrates well in my pocket."