#i dont align with cis masculinity at all and when i do feel feminine i know for a fact its not in a cisfeminine way. its different somehow

[darlingspup]

when i think about how i want to Look within my gender, the image of a lot of transfem people comes to mind, and that worries me a little, im not sure how to feel about it. im afab transmasc, but i think a lot of transwomen are really beautiful and id like to look like them in some ways. i worry that means subconsciously i think of them more as men than women because that's how I identify myself. Or maybe it means im not as masc aligned as I thought. I think the way transwomen style and carry themselves is really pretty, I like their voices a lot and wish mine sounded like that, I appreciate the more masculine elements they may have a lot too. I guess I worry thats wrong of me, im not sure

[mikoriin]

yeah i wouldve loved to share my experience with them!

i am a former trans man now cis woman, and i was on testosterone for about a year and a half. my initial dysphoria when it came to my female body was do to trauma. i saw womanhood and my body as being an object for mens use because of what i went though and also with everything going on in my life at the time of my transition i thought i needed to take control. control of something, anything. so i took control of my identity. if i was a boy, men wouldnt desire me. if i said i was trans then i meant it. and i was, and i was happy

however, when i began to physically transition when i was 19 i noticed something was wrong. i was becoming a man and i realized…this isnt what i want. this isnt what i need. my trans self was a way to protect the little girl that had been abused for so many years and when i saw myself become an actual man i didnt like it. i felt even worse dysphoria about my body. and so i stopped testosterone.

i hadnt begun my detransition until late 2019, right before we moved. i was very very confused because i no longer associated with who i was then, and being a man was miserable to me. i cant remember everything going through my head at the time, just that when i thought of how i would like to present, and what would make me the most comfortable, i felt being woman aligned was best. for a while i said i didnt care what people referred to me as, that i could go any pronouns or presentation. but the more i opened myself up to what i was thinking and feeling, the more i missed being feminine and girly and being myself. everything masculine that i ever did was performative because i wanted to be respected and seen as who i said i was. and i still think that if you tell someone ‘this is who i am’ even if its only for a short period of time, they should respect that. you shouldnt have to perform to be seen as the gender you are or you feel you are at the time. 

its been four years so far off T and 3 years since my detransition. i have my periods again because i am on birth control and let me tell you birth control REALLY helps. my boobs perked back up, my hips got wider, facial and body hair no longer grows as thick and as fast, weight distributes differently. i am a Woman. and ive never been happier with myself in my life. 

not everyone who transitions is going to be happy with the results, and that may lead them to detransition. however, that doesnt mean you arent still trans if you feel cis isnt right for you. you dont even have to physically transition at all to be a binary trans person either! gender is such an array of colors and sounds and textures. its different for each person. i was happy when i was trans because it protected me, but i no longer need that protection now because i am an adult who is recovering and healing from my trauma. play with your gender, experiment, research and identify with things that seem right to you. there is no wrong way to be trans, or even to be cis. and i wanna say, if you do realize youre cisgender in the end, no matter how long it has been (for me it was 7 years i identified as a boy) there is nothing wrong with it because at least you have the experience. 

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

i realised i wasn't straight when i was in 5th to 6th grade when i started exploring/questioning (?) my sexuality. i used the label pansexual which i still feel a connection to bc i still fit the criteria (attraction regardless of gender/not caring abt gender, etc) but after realising i wasnt cis either its more complicated now? and i was hoping u could help me?

i get attracted to different genders differently. to oversimplify it : im more sexually/physically and emotionally attracted to women and fem-aligned ppl, and more romantically inclined to men and masc-aligned ppl. i can still get romantically/sexually attracted to someone regardless of their gender but the ratio? the intensity? idk what to call it, the likelihood/frequency (?) is different.

but regardless whether the ppl are mascs/fems/nbs etc i feel like its in a gay way?? i personally identify as genderqueer slightly masc leaning but i feel like a lesbian when liking girls/fem aligned's and like a homosexual man when liking men. which is rly confusing to me. im afab and thought me liking men would feel like a girl liking a guy way but its different.

its frustrating bc i cant exactly categorise my attrraction in a way that i understand and it keeps me up at night. i know i dont have to have labels but having one would be more comfortable for me bc i like feeling like im in control and it just makes me feel like i know who i am or at least have an idea of who i am that way.

there might not be an actual term for smth like this but i just wanted to hear your thoughts as someone who's had more experience and has knowledge about the community.

any kind of help is very much appreciated and i thank you so much for doing this for us ryan <33

Heya mate :D

Ayyyy fellow masc genderqueer 😎 

Hmm, I’m not sure if there’s a specific word for sexual attraction to mostly women, but it sounds like you might be sapphic alterous (attracted to mostly women/fem aligned people in terms of alterous traction) and achillean in terms of romantic attraction!

Another label you may want to check out is varioachilromantic (click for link to wiki page) 

Varioachilromantic is defined as someone who uses the split attraction model and whose romantic orientation is achillean, but isn't achillean in sexual orientation. They are considered varioriented. 

You can always call yourself both a lesbian and a gay man, people have identified with both those labels in the past so you can use both labels!

In terms of the “gay for all genders” thing, you might wanna check out the term sapphic achillean (click for link to wiki page) which is sometimes shortened to sapphillean. 

Sapphillean is a term for when one considers oneself sapphic and achillean due to being both male or masculine-aligned and female or feminine-aligned (fluidly or simultaneously), and being attracted to men and women. 

They identify as MLM and WLW however, they do not identify as WLM or MLW, one only feels attraction to women as a woman and only feels attraction to men as a man. One does not feel attraction to women as a man, or attraction to men as a woman. A sapphic achillean person may or may not be also attracted to other genders.

And as you said, yeah, it’s always good to use umbrella terms if you want to, but it’s also totally valid to want to have a label to feel in control of yourself! These are the only labels I could find, I hope you can find smth you resonate with! And you can always coin your own terms if you want to!

Sjfjjf it flatters me that you see me as someone who’s had experience and has knowledge about the community considering I’ve only known I was bisexual since January this year and trans since May, and all my experience with the queer community has come from tumblr since it’s not safe to be out where I am

JDJFJF (sorry I just love being called Ryan lmao)

Hope I could help you out, and I wish you luck with figuring out your sexuality! Lmk if you have any more questions, and have a great day/night!

[catholicdaredevil]

if your pronouns are they/them what are you transitioning too?

ok i am gonna answer this based off a couple assumptions and if im wrong feel free to correct me

number one being that this is about me tagging that post "i am litcherally trans"

and two that you are operating under an outdated idea that being trans as a label is only for people who are actively transitioning/have fully transitioned

so here goes:

being trans is an umbrella term that encompasses anyone who isn't cis!

this means trans women, trans men, non binary people, genderfluid people and so on

and while there's people from every one of those groups who may choose to socially or medically transition it's not required of anyone in order to truly be trans

not to mention for people outside of being men or women (and even within those) transitioning can mean lots of different things

some women like having a dick and they don't have to get rid of it or act like they don't in order to be a woman and the opposite goes and so on and so forth

it's just really important to remember that peoples id's as trans and their journeys or pathways thru being trans are incredibly unique and no two people have the same or the same thoughts about themselves or gender

i think one of the biggest things that helps to grasp that is coming to terms with the idea that parts are not gender

penis is not boy

vagina is not girl

this means that the physical and literal act of "transitioning" is not necessary for being trans

whether its because it can be expensive, or unsafe depending on your living situation or area (or even in general; trans women are at an incredibly disproportionate rate of being murdered), or personal preference/ideas/concepts of gender

gender can mean different things to different people

like i said some women like having a dick and for other women they dont and each is feminine and each is a woman they just have different ideas of what being feminine looks and feels like to them

anyways on the subject of me personally and my identity in its ties to my gender

i am not a woman, and i dont like being called or referred to like one. i am also not a man, but i dont mind being called or referred to like one.

i like different things and expressions that are frequently considered to be gendered on both sides (ie. getting my nails done, working on my car)

i personally when i get dressed up in a feminine sense it feels like a performance or like dress up and it's fun and i do enjoy presenting femininely at times for that

but in my everyday i tend to present more masculinely as i feel it aligns with who i am and how i express myself as a baseline

i feel the most aligned with a term i call "gender chaos" my all time goal in terms of gender expression is to be someone who's difficult to nail down gender wise i want strangers on the street who just give me a passing glance to be confused lfmdkd it sounds like a joke and it is funny to me but also i am serious

so my pronouns are in my bio because on this hellsite i would like people who are talking to or about me to gender me correctly so i put them there for yall to see and if you wanna chose not to use them or respect them thats fine im just gonna block you cause while i dont care because no one elses opinion on my gender matters to me i also am not gonna put up with it so big ole blockerooni right there

anyways i hope this answers your question and if not feel free to ask another i personally dont mind spending time discussing and answering questions about my gender but keep in mind not everyone has the time or emotional energy to do that all the time and trans people do not owe you explanation or education!!

all the love,

ezra

[nothorses]

I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, and I worry about saying this off anon but I want to actually, be a face as I do. When I came out I knew I wasn't cis, and I was lucky enough to have the support of two wonderful trans partners, but I had an extremely hard time finding my place in the trans community. I am pro MOGAI and new, hyperspecific terms because I know how important it can be to want to put a name, a flag, and individual pride to your identity. 1/?

I switched my own terms quite a lot, from demigirl to genderfae to genderflux to where I am now, genderfluid. But I remember there was a moment, because I was so sure I was only female aligned, where I thought for just a moment that I might be a boy, and I was terrified, I didnt want to be a boy, I didnt want to be "that trans." Like every trans person, I struggled with internalized transphobia, not feeling valid or true enough in my identity, 2/15

But that dreadful feeling of being Scared of being a boy is something I think about a lot, and something I think is truly telling. I'll admit I primarily (only) use tumblr because social media honestly isnt my thing, so I can only speak to what I've seen here, but I remember seeing so little about trans men, other than the occasional mention in broad positivity posts, the even rarer info about binding or passing, but I did see how much people hated men. 3/15

It was always implied to be about cis men, I've been spared the more modern issues regarding overt hatred of trans men, but I saw the constant anger and vitriol and genuine hatred for men. And I realize now I wasnt just scared of being "too trans" I was scared of being hated. So I made myself nonthreatening, I called myself a boy, I performed femininity to an even higher, though subversive standard, because I was still so scared of being a man. The enemy. The oppressor. 4/15

It took many more months to dare say I wanted to call myself a man, and even then I was scared, in the comfort and safety of my girlfriend's company. I felt dirty saying it, and I still do. I always only dare to refer to myself as a trans man, instead of just as a man. And I do want to sidetrack for a moment and say my relationship to gender, as a genderfluid person, is admittedly more complex than just when I feel this way, in other ways people are also particularly hateful towards, 5/15

But even with those other facets, and my fear of being open in them, pale in comparison to my relationship with masculinity. Because when I did come out and admit to myself that sometimes, I am not a woman, or nonbinary, I am a man, I became more aware of things. I exited wonderland, so to say. Suddenly I became so much more aware of how much people simply did not care about me or people like me, and especially not our problems or concerns. 6/15

I saw how invisible I was, and worse than that, I saw a very subtle malice. The only mention of trans men were in those broad positivity posts including everyone under the trans umbrella, or in the rare case something was positive exclusively for trans men, it was always reblogged with "dont forget trans women/enby people" tacked on, I remember once I looked in the trans tag and counted how many posts it took to find one exclusively about trans men that didnt mention binding 7/15

I got into the forties. Because on other posts, I would see people make passive aggressive remarks about how "trans men are talked about too much" or "there's all these resources for trans men, what about trans women" and I wanted to know on what earth the people who said that were living on, because the only, and I mean the only thing people tend to talk about in regards to trans men is how to safely bind, and rarely, the effects of HRT. 8/15

This happened a while ago, but I remember seeing a number of posts on my dash about how much representation trans men receive. I believe there was a panel about trans people, where a majority of the panelists were trans men, and trans women were less represented than them. They encouraged people to complain, said we received too much attention, and pointed at mythical trans male rep in media that in reality, I could count on one hand. I remember being so angry and passionate about it 9/15

Now im honestly just tired. I dont feel accepted by the trans community, and even the trans male community is iffy (I fit in amongst mogai people most, but I cant deny trumeds are particularly prevalent, and it wore on me), and it's so tiring to have every post made by trans men for trans men have to be preambled by belittling themselves and downplaying their own suffering. I just want to exist in peace, but I feel like that's too much to ask. 10/15

I've reached a point of exhaustion that I have become entirely apathetic to my own gender, what was once a deeply important aspect of my identity. I feel disconnected from it, and as a consequence from my own body. I don't bother examining it anymore because I can't feel it, as someone who suffers from dissociation, I feel dissociated from it in order to protect myself, something I was once so openly proud about. 11/15

Im scared to try and push for transition, for my own personal reasons, but now on top of those Im terrified of being silenced and belittled and hated for something that should make me happy. I've tried so hard not to feed into the lateral violence and become embittered towards trans women, because that's not fair, but I won't lie and say it hasnt been hard when I have seen more than I ever would've liked be so willing to ignore or outright throw their brothers under the bus 12/15

And of course there are even more who do show their support for their brothers, and for that im thankful, but this invisibility effects how I perceive everything. I feel like I've been pushed back into the closet, I say im trans because I know I'm not cis but I don't even know who I am, what my place is, and I'm scared to explore because I'm scared that who I am will be violently rejected by the people meant to support me. I want to be free to even explore who I am. 13/15

I wish people would listen to my experiences and what I have to say, but in every microaggression every act of ignoring I feel silenced. Trans men are viewed as predatory, just in a different way; trans men are fetishized and have chasers; trans men face higher rates of violence and sexual assault for being trans men; research about transmasc transition is almost nonexistent, and new, better surgeries are not even thought about; transmasc history is erased and silenced. 14/15

I, feel like im rambling at this point, and I'm sorry I've been so longwinded, I just. I want to thank you, for creating a space where I can speak my truth, because before finding your blog I didn't think anyone would care. I feel like I have so much more to say but honestly im scared, and too tired, and have said enough for now. I just want this feeling of loneliness to go away and hopefully I'll find a way to accept myself. Thank you for listening to me, and giving me a platform to speak 15/15

(Edited the numbers for accuracy)

Thank you for trusting me with this, and to other folks: I think this is an important narrative to listen to and share!

[ardenttheories]

turnfagshithead replied to your post “I'm honestly very close to writing a post on how the trolls coming out...”

wait dont the trolls have both slimey dicks and coochies or am i misremembering something??? how would they transition??? how would...they have an assigned assigned assigned gender?

They do, and that’s part of the problem. 

In a species with sexual dimorphism, males and females are determined by the characteristics that define their sex - most prominently that males have penises and females have vaginas, but it can also include things such as antlers on bucks or brightly coloured feathers on birds. 

This distinction is used to understand which member of the species hosts the babies, essentially, and which fertilises the eggs. It’s an important distinction only in so far as it’s important for the propogation of the species, and (for instance) in the wild, you’d need to keep an eye on the ratio of males to females to ensure that you have a stable population. 

(This is also how you can calculate if a species is going extinct or not. Not only can you take into account the general population drop, but also if there are enough males/females to breed without the issue of inbreeding.)

The problem with sexual dimorphism in a developed and sentient society, however, is that we then start putting values of importance on one sex over the other. This is where you get the concept that “men are the superior species and women are the frail sex”, because testosterone allows for an easier time creating muscle mass and because (as a general rule of thumb) men tend to be taller. It’s also what allows for the perpetuation of male aggressiveness, and the oppression of women through supposed “biological” fact. We then enforce these concepts as assigned gender.

The point of this being, of course, that when you make a society structured entirely around the genitalia someone has and whether or not that makes them capable within your society, people are going to start fighting back against those structures. E.g. butch lesbians, who are considered to portray more masculine traits, or femme gays, who do the same but for feminine traits. They begin to act “outside” of their assigned sex, which honestly just means “outside of the way society has structured and understood sex to work”, because all sexual dimorphism actually does is state the whole baby thing. There’s no other implications to sexual dimorphism than what we put onto it. 

So, as an intelligent species, we then have the ability to consider the gendered structure of our society and decide that it’s not sufficient. It’s also just our prerogative to understand what “gender” as a concept is, and to figure out what we think or feel about the sex we were born with and how it conflicts or agrees with how we understand ourselves. This, naturally, is when you start to see trans identities coming forward!

In our society, where we present sexual dimorphism, being trans is a legitimate event because our sex doesn’t always align with our gender expression. Someone can come out a transmasc because we have a specific set of biological, physical, and society factors that make up what a “man” is, and we have ways to help someone transition from one state of sexual dimorphism to another. We also simply have ways to express our gender identities outside of transitioning, since once we undersand that our gender identity can be anything regarding our sex and how we societally view it, you can start considering nonbinary identities as well. 

Or, I suppose to put it more simply, we can transition because there’s something to transition from and to - but we can also just disconnect our sexual dimorphism from our own understanding of us. 

The trolls, however, aren’t a species that present sexual dimorphism. I’ve gone over this before, actually, and you can probably find it on my blog under “#homestuck biology”, but the gist of it is that:

As a species based heavily on insects (which have a different gender system based on their roles in the hive), with an outside factor that allows them to breed (the Mother Grub), and with a canonical explanation that every troll has a nook (vagina) and a bulge (penis) that is only used for sexual gratification/the creation of the genetic slurry and isn’t used to have the species birth their own young, there’s literally no reason for sexual dimorphism to exist within the trolls. 

It’s at this point in reading that you usually click with the idea that Hussie didn’t know how to write a species that didn’t adhere to a strict male-female divide. It’s not surprising, as a cis male, that he immediately leant towards what he knew: girls and boys, with the girls having tits (and most of the time, lipstick) so that you can recognise them as girls. It’s a fairly solid choice in a cis viewpoint. Not so much from a trans one, and definitely not when you then consider the actual lore he provided with us to begin with.

Trolls quite literally cannot transition - not in the way we understand it. There is no male sex or female sex, and therefore they’re not transitioning from one thing to another. There’s not even an inherently strict binary that they can then exist outside of (or on a spectrum of) that allows for nonbinary identities as we understand it. In all technicality, there shouldn’t even be a male-female divide in the trolls at all - it serves genuinely no purpose in a species that doesn’t bare their own young and doesn’t have sexual dimorphism as a result. 

So, there’s this really big issue when the writers then try to say that the various characters are trans, or that they do or don’t face transphobia. Why would Vriska have a dead name? Why would that name be gendered when there’s nothing to inherently define her as male or female? Why would her lusus - or Eridan’s, for that matter - care what pronouns their charges use when there’s nothing to state what assigned sex or gender they are? Why would these trolls face anything like the genuine transphobia we experience in daily life in a society that has no structures built around gender presentation?

It comes across as very fake and hollow. No, Vriska and Eridan and Sollux can’t be trans. They quite literally cannot understand what it means to be trans, to have an assigned sex that determines everything that people who see you believe of you. They do not know what it is like to be misgendered on face value because of a lack of tits or because of facial hair, or becuse of a rounded or sharper jawline. These differences just don’t exist for them. They do not face the same experiences or the same issues that trans people do. Trying to force our identities onto them - onto their society - waters down the issues we face in real life. 

It also just ruins the actual lore behind the trolls and their biology, and the fact that we could have had an entirely different understanding of gender and gender expression shown through their society.

It’s like, great that they’re trying to give us representation through the trolls, and I’ll admit that it’s nice to see the attempt done at all, but it’s quite literally only being done because a cis man could not imagine a society without sexual dimorphism and the effect that would have on the society’s gender expression.

[nerdpiggy]

4, 11, 12, 13, 22, 24, 25, 26, 27, 30, 32, 36, and 38?

WOAH BRO

4. Past labels you've used? For a while I wondered if I was aro-spec but I'm fairly certain I don't think I am now. I've tried to put a label on my gender MANY times, with the label I've tried the most being demigender. (and cis. LMAO) But none of the labels I've tried have stuck, except for the general all-encompassing nonbinary

11. Do you like your flags? Fuck yeah all my flags fucking rule. Nonbinary flag? Fucking awesome. Ace flag? Stunning. Lesbian flag(s)? well some look better than others but you have a wide range of choices and a lot of them look damn good!!

12. Favorite flag(s) visually? I actually legitimately really do love my own flags... but other than that, I think the aromantic flag looks metal as fuck, and there are a lot of lesser-known lesbian flags that are just gorgeous

13. Favorite colors? I love pink! And grey/silver/black. and certain blues :3

22. Favorite LGBT+ celebrity and historical figure? I don't.... know that many.... actually wait I thought of one Wendy Carlos. If u dont know her look her up she's so cool

24. Favorite LGBT+ canon character? Fuck it's so hard to choose... I really love Lup! and I also really love Yuu from Bloom into You because she's ME (please watch Bloom into You)

25. Favorite LGBT+ canon fictional couple? hmmm also very hard to think of good ones rn... spinnerella and netossa are pretty cute :3 and carey and killian!! they're prob not my favorites but they're all i can think of right now

26. Some characters you headcanon as LGBT+? Hanazawa Teruki is nonbinary and ace! Catra is nonbinary! Bow is trans and pan and ace! idk there are a lot of others that i can just make up right now! everyone from Revue Starlight is lesbian!! Hinata Shouyou is trans! if literally any character has ever said anything similar to 'i dont really care about love' they're arospec!!! somebody stop me

27. Some LGBT+ pairings you ship? MaHiKaren, Scorfuma, KilluGon, TeruMob, Saimota, a BUNCH of haikyuu ships, aaaa idk a lot

30. A trope you dislike about your identity? I really hate how everyone views 'lesbian' as a really sexual word, and how people think lesbians are like fuckin sex machines built to pleasure straight men through porn or something. Like, lesbians should be allowed to be sexual without being inherently sexualized, you feel me? and also not all lesbians are sexually active.

32. Something you wish ppl understood about your identity? I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT MY GENDER IS..... but i do know I'm not agender and im not masculinely or femininely aligned. Like, my gender exists, it's just not anywhere remotely near the binary or the linear spectrum in between the binary. If you think of the gender spectrum as a color wheel, my gender would be a dark green! i guess? that means nothing

36. Do you align with any gay subcategories (ex butch/femme)? Nope not at all!! The fact that I don't kind of makes me feel left out of the lesbian community at times though... I spent so long trying to figure out which box I fit into when I realized trying to make myself one or the other made me feel the same way as when I tried to fit myself into a binary gender. The labels just aren't for me! I guess I am a 'futch' then lol

38. Do you own pride merch? Yes!! I have some pride hats that a friend knitted for me, and a crocheted bat with ace-colored wings that I got at an expo. I also wear a rainbow colored bracelet and I used to have a black ace ring (but it broke months ago. i need a new one). I also have lesbian and ace flags that I got for my dorm room, but my gf is currently holding on to them because I was too scared to bring them home!

[hxlding-on-blog]

i know i should probably go ask someone else for this advice but i want to write a trans character and im not trans so how do i do that? what are the dos and donts? i wanted to ask a trans person before going to anyone else and hope im not a bother!

Random Asks || ANONYMOUS

Well! Not to worry, dear anon! Your local baby trans brother is here to help as best as he can! Now, I want to begin with a …

[  s h o r t  d i s c l a i m e r ] : there is no single way to write a trans character. This is because, just like cis characters, they’re all different. There’s so many ways to tell any character’s story, trans or cis or whatever else. I am also not an expert. Even if I am trans, I’ve ( probably ) only lived this one life and path. Therefore, I can’t speak for many other trans experiences. Still! I can offer advice and subtle criticisms from my own viewpoint!

Without further ado, here’s my take on writing trans characters:

>Disclaimer, But Longer

This is not the world’s best guide! I am not the world’s most trans person ( and that doesn’t even exist ); I am simply one single trans boy speaking from the perspective of such. I have done as much research as I had done before pertaining to this subject, have interacted with other trans people with differing experiences, but can’t speak on their behalf. With that in mind, I am still a somewhat valid source for criticism. If you ask me for my opinion on trans-based writing, I will gladly offer it but do remember that I am still young! I’m a baby boy, what can I say? 

This guide also doesn’t include everything. There’s so much to say on being trans, in writing or in general, and writing the experience will always be a bit difficult if you haven’t lived it. Though, you should do research. Reading my guide will not be enough and I urge for you to reach out to other trans people; writers, or otherwise. Read other guides, do other research ( such as the effects of certain hormones ), and listen to criticism if you receive it. I highly suggest you ask a trans person if you’re unsure about something.

I am also a trans boy who’s very offset by the idea of generally being seen as female. My research on trans women is little / few and, though I’ve looked into it, my knowledge is not as extensive as my research on trans men! Please do your own looking up whenever you can; it’s important that you don’t only get your information from a fifteen year old trans boy about writing a thirty-something trans woman!!!

[ TL; DR, I should not be your only source and you should do your own research whilst listening to trans people if you get something wrong ]

>Common Terms

[ Deadname ] = A trans person’s unused given name. It’s called a dead name for a reason; they don’t use it. Some people have differing reactions to it- such as avoiding it, ignoring it, or responding to it on certain occasions- but is generally not used in many / most cases.

[ Transgender ] = An adjective used to describe someone who doesn’t align with their assigned gender. This includes nonbinary people. It can’t be used as a noun ( for example, ‘transgenders’ ) and is shortened to trans in most cases.

[ AGAB ] = Acronym for ‘Assigned Gender At Birth’ where Gender is replaced with Male or Female. For example, AFAB or AMAB.

[ Legal Name ] = The name that is on their legal documents. It may be their deadname, or it may be their current name; whichever one it is, it’s the one they’d have on certain documents ( school registrations, job applications, etc ) and can be changed. 

[ Testosterone ] = Hormones that will change a feminine body into something more masculine, including hair growth, fat redistribution, and other bodily functions. It can be administered through a syringe, a gel / patches, or pills. Often shorted to T and used in terms such as T shot.

[ Estrogen ] = Hormones that will change a masculine body into something more feminine, including hair growth, fat redistribution, and other bodily functions. Often shortened to E.

[ Hormone Blockers ] = A medication used to block / stop / pause the effects of hormones in the body. This is typically used amongst younger trans people that are too young to take T or E.

[ Pre-Op ] = Refers to people who plan on getting operations done to change their sex; if someone were to want top surgery but haven’t had it yet, they’d be considered pre-op. Some trans people aren’t pre-op if they’d decided they don’t want to undergo a surgery.

[ Post-Op ] = Refers to people who have had their operations done. For example, metoidioplasty. 

[ Gender Dysphoria ] = A term to describe general uncomfort in relation to someone’s gender and their body. Found typically prominent when it comes to hormones. 

[ Gender Euphoria ] = A term to describe general joy in relation to someone’s gender and their body. Found typically prominent in use of certain pronouns or names. 

[ HRT ] = Acronym for Hormone Reversal Treatment, which includes administering Testosterone or Estrogen into the body. 

>Figuring Out They’re Trans

Every trans person figures out they’re trans differently; how long it takes them, when they do, and how they do will always be different. For me, I figured it out in my teens after doing my own research on the things I felt- I went to Google ( Or, well, Bing since I was in China at the time ) and looked up why I felt the way I did in my own body, resonated with terms I found, and did a lot of self reflection- and coming to the conclusion that I was trans. At the time, I labelled myself as nonbinary; some binary trans people have done this but not every. I didn’t feel like I fully identified with that, and yet felt detachment from my womanhood, which later lead me to finding out I was a trans boy all along. It fit me. That’s my path but, for your muse, maybe they figured it out differently.

Maybe they felt out of place in their own body since they were young, or maybe they simply didn’t fit with their given gender at birth. Or they could’ve not known all the way into adulthood, clicking with a term when it passes them by. Not every trans experience is the same! Whilst writing trans characters knowing since they were born is valid, it’s also valid to write them knowing ages later. I put off identifying as a man before, only because I feared that my boyfriend wouldn’t love me anymore. And now? Now I’m glad I came out! Writing characters doing something similar wouldn’t be a stretch! 

How and when your character finds out will always be valid; they can find out while playing in a sandbox in their playground, or notice they didn’t feel attached to their gender assigned at birth. They can go to a therapist and be told their emotions lined up with being trans, or they could be reading a book and thinking I feel like that’s me to which they draw their conclusion. The possibilities are endless! I guarantee that there’s somebody out there that’s able to relate to it because there’s so many ways to figure it out; it can take a few minutes, or days, or weeks, or months, or years of thinking it over before IDing as trans- that’s the nature of it.

>The ‘First Steps’ In Transitioning and Coming Out

Some come out when they’re younger, some come out in their teens, some come out in adulthood, and some don’t come out at all. Coming out as trans is similar to coming out as gay, bi, etc. However, there’s the added thing with pronouns, names, and medical transitions ( if your character ever decides they want to ). It’s different in that sense, but not everything will be different. In most- if not all- cases, your character will have a pronoun change. They may go from he/him to they/them or be okay with he/him but prefer they/them without exclusion. Some may use multiple pronouns, or be exclusive to one set, or something of the sorts. 

When changing their name, some people may choose one similar to their given one, or make a new one entirely, or look through a baby name book. They may switch from one name to another, or have multiple, or decide not to change at all for a variety of reasons; their given name can stick to being their name if they want it to! For me, I’ve always loved the pronunciation of ‘Chris’ but never felt right with the spelling, to which I fixed by spelling it as ‘Kriss’ instead. My deadname holds a lot of emotional and frankly traumatic weight to it, so I feel very uncomfortable when people say it or I see it anywhere. My body physically cringes at it and it doesn’t help that there’s someone in my class who shares it, so I never respond to it in class unless I know for sure whoever is using my deadname has no prior knowledge about my current one.

Transitioning is a choice; some decide to make it, whilst others don’t. It doesn’t invalidate them at all and the journey should never be the only distinct aspect to a character’s story. Them transitioning can be a main plot point but should never be the only thing that makes this character’s whole, well, character! Outside of it, they are still a character after all. Some decide to socially transition ( change their name, their clothing style, the way they interact with people in comparison to how they were prior to coming out ) whilst others decide to medically transition ( get top surgery, go on hrt ). It will always be different for certain people. 

Reactions to coming out will vary, with differing factors of course; how did they come out, who to, when, etc. Some will react with open arms and others will outright abuse. It will be different from character to character, on the giving and receiving end, so think carefully about how to write this. I haven’t come out to my parents, given that they’re very transphobic and my entire country offers very hefty punishment for being LGBT+ in general. My classmates and friends? They know; I came out, in varying ways at varying times, and have received a plethora of reactions ranging from acceptance to denial.

>Medically Transitioning

Not all trans people decide to undergo medical transition, for many reasons. They may be ill and aren’t physically strong to take hormones or have surgery, maybe they have monetary issues, or they simply don’t want to. All of these reasons are valid and don’t make the trans person any less trans at all.

This typically includes surgery and hormones, though there’s so much to say on that. Whilst some would choose both, others may choose one over the other; the most common is taking hormones and also getting one surgery. An example is me; I want to take Testosterone in the future as well as both top and bottom surgery. I have decided on which kind I want and will discuss with my future doctor about this. Other people may choose not to have top surgery, or bottom, or even hormones. Whatever your character chooses, it will not be the forefront of their personality.

Hormones can take a while to kick into effect; do your research about it. Recovery from certain procedures vary and you should do your research. 

>Do’s And Don’ts

Make your trans character unique! Not everyone has the same lucky ‘I knew since birth, have been accepted everywhere, transitioned into something I wanted’ story, but not everyone has the same distraught ‘I knew ‘too late’, I’ve been bullied and disowned, and my transition failed / didn’t turn out the way I wanted’ ( and there’s no such thing as too late anyways ). Whilst they’re not impossible, they’re not the only paths; try a mix! Some people accept, some people don’t, and some people transition whilst others don’t; there’s never a straight and narrow path.

Do talk to other trans people about your character, and ask questions whenever you feel that you have a question. If the person is willing to answer, great! If not, be polite and go somewhere else for answers. Use multiple sources, do your research, and don’t ever assume. Do use your character’s name and refer to them using the pronouns they refer to themselves as; an exception is given when it comes to legal documents and transphobic characters speaking to them but you should never refer to a trans person who exclusively uses he/him with she/her. Don’t use their deadname when referring to them in their story, especially when you can use their actual name.

Never. EVER EVER EVER use their coming out as a ‘he was a she all along!’ trope. One of the worst things to do to a trans person is to misgender them; it’s disrespectful. Being called by their preferred name and pronouns is not a privilege and is a right; again, there’s an exception when certain characters are doing it, but the author shouldn’t use it as a chance to misgender their character. I won’t go into this much more because it’s hard for me to explain but, in general, a trans man is not the same as a cis woman and vice versa. 

AGAIN, PLEASE REMEMBER THAT I AM NOT THE BEST SOURCE! PLEASE GO AND DO OTHER RESEARCH ON TOP OF THIS!! Thanks for reading!!!!

[bootyprince999]

a conflict between a person's physical or assigned gender and the gender with which he/she/they identify. People with gender dysphoria may be very uncomfortable with the gender they were assigned, sometimes described as being uncomfortable with their body (particularly developments during puberty) or being uncomfortable with the expected roles of their assigned gender.Okay uh, sorry this has been rattling around in my brain for too long, and i already kNOW when some certain people read this they’ll probably spam me with reasons why i’m wrong but i can’t help but notice a trend in the people policing trans people and as a trans man i think i have to right to voice my opinion about it yes? no? Well it doesnt matter im doing it anyway.

(fair warning, if my wording is off or if sentences et confusing; the word im using is not the right definition, i apologize im just cranking this out and have a hard time with words getting mixed up anyways, gomen)

Alright so uh

I’m sure people who aren’t truscum have probably heard of truscum right? Trans-exclusionary feminists (usually) saying what trans people (predominantly trans MEN , this is important) must do/feel/think in order to really be trans. If they dont they get called transtrenders and cis women ‘crying out to  feel important’

well alright theres lots to dissect here but just uh, its overwhelming at first glance. I mean, cis people telling trans people what to do in order to ‘really’ be trans is about at the same line of white people trying to tell really any poc how to be their race or something. Its asinine and just confusing?? I thought we were past this??

But most of these ‘truscum’ people are only really targeting trans-men. To say they’re targeting the trans community is a bit off because from what i’ve seen of them, (correct me if im wrong it’d make this even more interesting if they were harassing trans women too with their similar rhetoric) they’re creating terms for and attacking feminine presenting trans-men, calling them ‘tucutes’ (which im still fuzzy on the definition for mostly cause its just stupid) and also then again calling them just cis women trying to be cool or something. But i feel i should note not all truscum are just cis-women, some of them are trans-men as well which is surprising to me but also, with my experience as a trans-man im also kinda not surprised. I’ll get into that later.

So to start just, these ‘truscum’ people seem to have their main targets being trans-men but also nonbinary people as well, claiming that nb people are not trans and claiming that effeminate trans-men are not real men because men are not effeminate and to even be trans you have to have ‘dysphoria’ (which is technically right but, the definition truscum give is not really correct? pls stick with me on this ill explain) and how HRT makes you hyper masculine and so femm trans-men and nonbinary people should not try to or have any acess to it at all and it should be reserved for REAL trans men who wanna be very manly because HRT can and will only make u super masculine and theres absolutley no way you can use hormone therapy or reconstructive gender therapy to be androgynous as some nb people seek. (even though AMAB NB people haves used hormones to do this, and AFAB NB people have used hormones and surgery to do this as well. But you know, theyre really only attacking trans-men when they do this anyways so they probably dont know or care to know about that.)

Well lets sorta back track a second here on like, the basic definition of trans you get when u first tell kinda any doctor/counselor/therapist that you feel like youre a different gender. “Some trans people undergo hormone replacement or sexual reassignment surgery to help themselves align their bodies to their real gender, but some trans people don’t because they dont want to change their bodies and thats okay!” So yeah, even the oldschool mid ‘2010′ era definition doctors and people used made room for people who were okay with their bodies but still felt trans! Still felt like the classic “man trapped in a womans body” thing of whatever (even though thats a gross metaphor but you get my point)

So when did people suddenly decide that the definition was different? that trans people now should be uncomfortable and change their bodies otherwise their not trans? I don’t know when it started or why though i suspect with the few trans-men who are truscum it could have maybe started with things like this;

-the reddit term of transtrender coming up to invalidate trans people (again predominantly trans men) for their identity.

-the few trans people who do undergo transition and either through maybe doctors not giving them enough information and giving them a higher dose, their body not reacting to it well, or somehow getting acess to transitioning fast enough that they really were actually in a transitional period of their lives where perhaps they were feeling they were trans but were maybe going through something during that point in their lives, or perhaps the changes the HRT gave them were unsatisfying and they wanted something different. (This is usually pretty rare though considering most trans people have to undergo usually at least 4 years of waiting for any hormone treatment, which involves going through lots of doctors and therapists and having to really talk about how trans you are for years, and any sign of even being slightly loose in your definition of gender “i feel liek guys can like cute girl things too” can often get you pushed back for treatment. IDK where these people are getting fast acess to hormone treatment cause ive never found any)

- Trans-men who perhaps have internalized a lot of the toxic masculinity that can sometimes get pushed onto you trying to prove you’re enough of a man for people. Before the definition of truscum even exsisted i’ve had to deal with people like this face to face and it made me get a lot more aggresive standoffish and downright rude with people because i was just trying to act like what i thought men should act like. And given this was in my early teen years, what early teen males are fed of what men act like, i was a fucking nightmare yeah. I’ve seen some transmen who sorta internalize this stuff and get the woman-hating too, I had a time sort of in middleschool era where i was really gross about girls and their bodies and just, I can totally see transguys maybe buying into an idea of hating on feminine guys the same way cis guys hate on femm cis guys.

-the above could also include cis women so just, in general people with internalized misogyny because again, this is all so targeted at calling DFAB people not good enough and not trans enough

So yeah, theres obviously been some people unhappy with people and sort of misunderstanding things about being trans. But to be fair, a lot of the definitions of things relatng to being trans, esp the ‘dys-’ words have been left pretty confusing. So lets try to go over them and maybe now i can clear up why these ‘truscum’ people are both somewhat correct in saying you need to have dysphoria to be trans,  but also not really because they sort of have their terms wrong...

dysphoria:”a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with life.” -Google

dysmorphia/body dysmorphia: “the obsessive idea that some aspect of one's own body part or appearance is severely flawed and warrants exceptional measures to hide or fix their dysmorphic part on their person.” -Wikipedia

Gender dysphoria: “a conflict between a person's physical or assigned gender and the gender with which he/she/they identify. People with gender dysphoria may be very uncomfortable with the gender they were assigned, sometimes described as being uncomfortable with their body (particularly developments during puberty) or being uncomfortable with the expected roles of their assigned gender.” -Psychiatry.org

So, according to the main definition of Gender Dysphoria, it can encompass both the feelings of dissatisfaction and almost detachment to life of Dysphoria and the detachment and detest of Body Dysmorphia.  Also to have Dysmorphia you sort of have Dysphoria inherently with the way your quality of life and enjoyment of your own goes down with the fact you cant change something thats such a part of your being. Dysphoria and Dysmorphia playing in art with one another is especially common with trans people.  So I think that these ‘truscum’ people are sort of confusing the definition of Gender Dysphoria. Theyre implying and pushing that it’s all about the “being uncomfortable with their body” when its both that and the “being uncomfortable with the expected roles of their assigned gender.”

So by definition, to be trans you do have to have Dysphoria, or particularly Gender Dysphoria yes. BUT,  Gender Dysphoria does NOT mean hating and wanting to change your body for lots of trans people! Not liking being reffered to as a certain gender, or partaking in the behaviors expected of it, clothes, activities, jobs, items, milestones, if you feel detached from it and like its really not you that by definition means you have Gender Dysphoria and so you are trans. And yes NB are trans, tons of them relate to the definition of Gender Dysphoria both the Dysphoria and Dysmorphia parts of them.

I also feel like adding that to say that trans men or trans women need to be aligning completely with the gender they identify with (as both truscum and some doctors still do), there are plenty of cis-gender people who feel that gender is a bit fluid and that cis-men and cis-women can have traits of the other and behave sort of in the middle. So for trans people to not be able to do the same, when trans men are and often feel in the same ways that these cis men do, and vice vera for trans women, its kind of transphobic man. You’re putting up unreasonable and downright unnesesary ideals for trans people to uphold to prove themselves that cis-people don’t even have to. If cis-people can have a looser idea on gender expression and can have diff gender expression (expressing/dressing in a different gender while still feeling like the gender you identify/are born with) then trans people should to.

Like me, i’m a trans men who has feminine gender expression! Truscum would probably call me a trender or a ‘tucute’ for that. But, I have hORRIBLE Body Dysmorphia because of my Gender Dysphoria. Have since i was like 11, And i want to undergo both top and bottom surgery to alleviate it all. So, hows that for “fem trans guys are just tucutes, you have to have dysphoria to be trans” I have it and im still fem bitch.

But yeah, i just keep seeing so much of this, even from people i used to consider friends and just, i wanted to put my 2 cents in on it. If you have Gender related Dysphoria or Dysmorphia, you’re gonna know about it best. And if you dont want to have to have the scary part of de-transitioning because medical transition wasn’t right for you because you identifying as one thing was wrong and you actually identify as something different, I reccomend maybe sitting on those feelings before doing anything for like 5-7 years. Sounds like a long time, but i mean from when you first start getting the feelings of Gender Dysphoria and Dysmorphia. It’s still honestly so rare for people to detransition though and feel like a whole diff gender, ppl usually detransition when they feel like their hormones are going further than they want (and then later fix their dose with their doctor) of to avoid public shaming and are still trans so yeah.

Hopefully no ones too upset with this (unless theyre a terf or truscum) but yeah, thats my word on it.

[trailerparkk]

ranting about transmed/truscum shit under the cut; I just feel like I need to say this but I don’t want to annoy everyone with some long ass text post

Okay, so I’m am a transmed. I’ve probably lost followers just by saying that due to many misconceptions. But let me explain.

I do not hate nb people. I do believe there could be nb genders (such as agender or androgyne) but there hasn’t been enough evidence to prove it in science. That being said, I do not purposely misgender people just because I feel their gender doesn’t exist. But I am very uncomfortable with it/neo/nounself pronouns due to pass experiences and bullying, so I won’t use them but I will opt for they if there is not other aux pronouns. I do believe actual nb people do experience their own form of gender dysphoria, and it is required for someone to be nb. But I refuse to publicly make fun or mock someone who claims to be non-dysphoric, instead I would probably dm them to find out why they identify as such.

I hate the word “transtrender”, it is extremely out of date and comes from a time where people probably did say they were trans or nb just to be trendy, but i dont think thats the case now. Nowadays, “transtrenders” fall into 2 groups; those who do have dysphoria but because they dont always want to die they are told by this website they dont have it, and those who don’t have dysphoria but are told by this website that their gnc-ness and body dysmorphic disorders makes them trans. The first of which tends to be the majority and why i question people who call themselves “non-dysphoric” but they tend to actually be dysphoric.

Now onto dysphoria, IT IS NOT HATING YOURSELF. It is not wanting to kill yourself all the time. It is simply the uncomfortableness to distress someone experiences due to their gender and sex not aligning. There are multiple form of gender dysphoria and they can manifest in multiple ways. Body dysphoria is always present in a trans person, even if it is very low. Mild and flucuating dysphoria seem to be almost non-existent on this website, with people saying its because you’re “just genderfluid, not dysphoric!” or mogai-madeup-gender and ignoring the fact it is actually dysphoria.

And I hate when people treat medicalizing trans-issues as a bad thing. Because demedicalizing it is literally the worst thing that could ever happen to trans people. In some countries, if trans-issues are demedicalized, stuff such as hrt and srs will be illegal and citizens could get into big trouble with the law for going to other countries to have it done. Poorer trans people across the world wouldn’t be able to afford help that is already pretty expensive, even with health insurance. Demedicalization will kill transgender people. And anyone spreading the message of demedicalization, dysphoric or not, is adding to the problem.

This demedicalization is why there is not research on actual nb genders apart from “social science”, because people are being told there is nothing medical about it so there should be no reason to do medical research on something that isn’t medical.

Also, cis people cannot experience gender dysphoria. They can experience body dysmorphic disorders and eating disorders, however this is not a cis-only thing. Many trans men and trans women suffer from eating disorders which tend to be caused by their gender dysphoria, and it is important to bring light to this. However, body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria are NOT interchangable. One is something both cis and trans people can experience, the other is a trans only experience. The only “cis” people that experience dysphoria are those who decided to transition and got dysphoria or those who try to resent the fact they are trans and hide from it.

I am against mogai identities. They hurt people more than they help. Well actually, they help from your 14 but as you get older and you change even more it can cause more distress and confusion than help. Many microindenties and personality genders (or even mental health genders??) which may seem helpful on the surface can cause many problems down the line, take it from me. 

I am fully supportive of gnc trans men and gnc trans women. I am against people or even other truscum that decide to misgender and call someone nondysphoric and a transtrender just because a trans guy wears make up and doesn’t pass. News flash, most gnc trans men who wear make up (especially pre-t) know they don’t pass and would be misgendered in public. They don’t need you to erase their dysphoria.

Now, I am a trans guy. I wouldn’t exactly call myself gnc, though some of the things I like can be seen as more “girly”. I present as either a man or as neutral, but usually as a man. I am not less trans or another gender on the days I present as more neutral.

And some little things. Masculinity and Femininity aren’t genders, pronouns are gendered, gender is the sex of your brain and thus is in your brain.

[gayerluke]

thing re: my own gender stuff that got annoyingly long & is of no actual significance to anyone including myself really lol

this is in no way important but i finally found a resolution re: the “am i butch?” issue, which is that im not. it just doesnt fit how i want/need to express myself & my gender. it’s not a culture i’m part of & not one i have claim to, & that’s totally fine. i believe strongly (for myself at least) that it’s not about feelings or just claiming the label bc you want to, it’s a specific & unique culture that not everyone is entitled to be a part of, & there ARE certain elements of style/behavior/etc that are intrinsic & necessary. (that’s just my onion though & you’re free to disagree if you want [but it’s not really something i’ll be swayed on so let’s not actually hash it out lol].) it’s more than wanting to be butch & deciding you are, it’s a role that you need to actively participate in. & you can totally become a part of that culture if you want to/do fulfill that role! but i dont & im not, & im cool with that. it’s also very much a working class culture historically, & im not working class, so it’s never going to be an experience i 100% relate to or even CAN experience.

agender is more where i fit & where i’ve always fit (i just dont mention it a lot bc ultimately it’s super immaterial when it comes to how im actually perceived/classed, & i also do align with women & not at all with men). i have no specific cultural style that i fit into, & tbh that’s important to me. my self expression is very much based on my own personal & individual history with gender, sexuality, femininity, masculinity, etc. & that’s how i like it & want & NEED it to be. it isn’t related to other ppl within butch culture & therefore that’s not my culture. it’s definitely not femme either, & that’s actually been another role i’ve tried to fit myself into in the past. i dont believe in the false & ahistorical dichotomy of having to be one or the other, but it had to do with being read as a lesbian by fellow lesbians etc. also um i have bpd so both of these things have been extremely influenced by the friends & ppl i hang/have hung around with (& also direct peer pressure from femme friends & culture telling me i had to be femme to be acceptable as a fat woman, but that’s another kettle of fish/source of trauma). my bff is butch & i love them so much & they’re so fuckin cool & i want to climb inside their skin & absorb them & also be cool!! but i can admire ppl & styles & cultures without claiming myself as a part of them lol.

so basically i am Kin with butches, but not actually there. also im not changing this url bc i want it to conjure the idea of a butch wookiee for you every time you see it & bring you as much joy & comfort as it does to me to imagine such a beautiful & wondrous thing.

(also for me being agender is more like being an atheist rather than a capital-a evangelical Atheist, in that it more represents ambivalence. i dont consider being called a woman or even being called a cis woman to be misgendering me. i dont want to ever be called a man, & would likely only call myself a non-woman in very very specific circumstances & conversations. the way gender plays into my life materially from a social/class standpoint is intrinsically tied into how i perceive myself, & it’s really important to me to acknowledge the privileges im afforded by that, as well as the oppressions. the only difference is that i feel alienated from ppl who, on a super personal internal level, know that they ARE women. calling myself a woman when i dont feel that tied to it is...... idk not “appropriative” but tbh transmisogynistic honestly? there are women who ARE women 100%, & i dont want to disrespect that identity or experience by claiming that i 100% relate to it, bc i dont. but also it just plain doesnt fit how i experience myself or my gender. im just like....... here, & i was placed here & im like. fine with that? but if i had been placed elsewhere i’d likely be fine with that too. what can i say, im lazygender. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ anyway this is very irrelevant to my actual lived material existence, & for me gender is like 90% a social thing that other people put on me & it determines everything about how im classed & perceived & privileged & what i experience etc. to me that takes precedence over whatever internal gender feelings i have. they’re like..... inseparable for me basically? again i have bpd so conceptualizing & defining myself with 100% certainly is basically impossible.)

WOW i sure wrote a lot about something of zero consequence!!

[queer-babe-5000]

So my gender identity is in constant flux leading me to have a bit of an ‘imposter syndrome’ complex when it comes to my gender. I’ve been actively questioning my gender identity for about 2 years now maybe more. 

When I tried to talk about it with my mum a long time ago she got upset, and told me all of my feelings was normal cis people stuff, and not to get caught up in the trend of being non-binary- that just because its a hot topic in the media and I don’t conform to society's standards of womanhood(that word makes me shutter idk why) doesnt mean that I can’t be a woman.

I told her this fairly early on in my questioning, so this really set a tone for my mind set, though this is finally starting to change.

Through questioning I have learned the following about me:

When I appear/look feminine its performative. It’s not quite the same feeling I get when I do drag but its pretty similar.

Most days I feel smack in the middle of the gender spectrum. I think this leads me to enjoy being home a lot because my gender is never referenced when I am alone.

Somedays I feel masculine, and when I do it feels more authentic than my femininity, perhaps it is because I am entering masculine space on my own terms. (My partner notices that I am more confident and carry my body differently on these days, which I am glad she pointed out because I probably wouldn't have noticed that I walk differently so soon.)

I’m in the tech field so there is a lot of focus on women only events. I tend not to participate, unless they say they are inclusive to genderqueer folks and all women. Otherwise I feel like some weird imposter and I get panicky that I’ll be refered to as a lady all day and be hearing things like girls can do anything the whole time. Dont get me wrong I think all of this is great for women and sometimes my female friends need reminders like this, but its not the same for me. being misgendered doesn't feel good(still half in the closet), but then I also feel like I am being deceitful, because my goals are aligned around queerness, gender nonconformity and safe spaces for all trans folk. Having these other goals which are closer and dearer to my heart make me feel bad for taking up the space even though I know I shouldn’t. Theres not hardly any resources catering to gender-queer people in tech where I am so basically if I want to move forward in my career and gain access to mentors etc I have to game the cistem (haha my fave wordplay...). So yeah, its complicated and im working on these feelings and thoughts.

Anyways, I don't have a label that I like (though description of genderfluid is a good descriptor of how i experience my gender) but I am excited to finally be getting somewhere. I even ordered my first binder today and I am beyond stoked!!! My gf is overseas so I dont have anyone to share this with so I made this long ass reflective post :)

[micah-is-a-rock]

20, 25, 36

20. What do you wish you could have told your younger self about being trans?Way to go for choosing like the most emotional question for me so GET READY. First off, i just wish i could have known earlier that trans people even existed. I didnt begin to realize what was up until high school when i became friends with a trans person (to whom i owe my LIFE) and learned about what it means to be trans and that, shockingly, trans people are just regular people.One very distict memory i have is being in the grocery store checkout line where all the tabloids are and seeing a magazine whos cover read "pREgnAnT MaN!!!1! hoW COuLd ThAt evEn BE POssiBLe????" (I mean, more or less). Anyway, i was intrigued and asked my mom how indeed that was possible, to which she answered, "well...uhhh.... SOME people just CHOOSE to not be their actual gender. This is ACTUALLY a girl who LOOKS like a boy." What a great first way to learn about gender expression. I wish i could go back and actually give myself an explanation that was 1, accurate and 2, respectful, because that one instance left a gross smear on me for a very long time.Generally, i would want to tell myself that trans people exist and are people and that its okay to be trans.25. What do you wish cis people would understand?I mean a lot of things. Specifically, i would very much like to have a way to explain to cis people exactly what its like know you are not the gender that your body would otherwise denote. Like, there are plently of explanations that people have come up with but it just doesnt cover everything, you know? Like "imagine you are your current gender but everyone else calls you by the opposite gender regardless of what you tell them" is a good one but there still seems to be a disconnect. Ive gotten "but wouldnt they be able to SEE that im a [gender]???" Like okay you totally missed the point but great.Also can we please make it common knowledge that trans people are just people like yaint gotta freak out about it it just happens sometimes36. Whats the difference, if any, between your gender identity and expression?I identify pretty solidly as male, but having been raised as female, i have aquired a lot of hobbies/interests/preferences that are "more feminine". Only recently have i felt like ive been allowed to enjoy "more masculine" things, were still working on that. Anyway, for example, things like womens clothing are far more exciting and fun than mens clothing; if you are a man, that means you have a choice of only three types of shirts in four choices of solid colors, and two styles of pants in two colors. Wear a hat, it makes you a Man™. Meanwhile in the womes section, there are endless cuts, styles, colors, patters, accessories, if you can imagine it you have it. Because of this i greatly prefer shopping in the womes section (also apparently men dont come in sizes smaller than 5'6" so nothing in the mens fits anyway).HOWEVER. I feel increasing pressure to not wear the "feminie" clothing i have in order to pass better. I have an EXTREMELY hard time passing as it is and i feel like i have to other choice than to give in to typical male fashion. So, while identifying as male, my -optimal- gender expression does not align 100% as male. My goal one day is to have some sick facial hair, big muscles, and wear crop tops.Thanks anon! Im always a sucker for talking about my feelings!

[apokine]

Anna told me to do the whole thing so here we are I guess

How did you choose your name? IDK I just wanted to still have a name that wasn’t like ~weird~ but still unique 

What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria) even tho I got my tiddies removed i still feel kinda weird abt my chest if i’m not wearing a top lol…also a weird one but lipstick

Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria? social maybe? it’s just sort of there all the time so

What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric? what i always do when im feelin down - EAT LOTS OF FOOD

What was the first time you suspected you were transgender? uhhh i think the first time i suspected it as a like TANGIBLE THOUGHT was this one time when i was out w/ friends and had to go to the bathroom and i absolutely had an epiphany in the bathroom that i wasn’t a girl hahahahaha

When did you realize you were transgender? idk how this is different from the last one and i dont rly remember when it was that i like officially stopped thinking of myself as a girl

What is your favorite part of being transgender? other trans ppl probably. stay awesome, trans peeps

How would you explain your gender identity to others? mostly genderless, but i fluctuate around

How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed? im out w/ family/friends, who all found out in diff ways i guess? some ppl i just told, i also wrote stuff on tumblr & fb about it

What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been? no experience with either lol 

What are your experiences with binding or tucking? binding sucked haha i defo wore my binder way more than i should have and got that Big Back Pain so i eventually mostly stopped and then got my bops chopped off

Do you pass? nahhh (is it even possible to pass as nonbinary??? question for another day)

What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition? got top surgery, idk abt hormones cuz i dont see myself as transmasc and am not interested in looking Very Masculine but i would like to look Less Feminine

How long have you been out? uhhhhhhh year a half maybe???????

What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set? none, tho i wouldnt say i’m particularly ‘settled’ haha

Have you ever experienced transphobia? sure have

What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public? usually the women’s restroom, sometimes mens if it is more convenient

How does your family feel about your trans identity? mixed reviews lol, some of my family is super supportive, some of them are like “why are you doing this” etc

Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth? i mean i guess i’m stealth at work bc i worry abt my job

What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans? i wish that younger me just knew there were options i suppose

Why do you use the pronouns you use? I use they/them bc she/he felt too gendered for me and neopronouns just sound too strange to me personally. I respect and admire anybody that uses neopronouns bc those ppl are paving the way for future generations to have more options that are normalized tho. I just can’t do it myself cuz I have a big fear of standing out which is totally at odds with like everything I wanna be lol

Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender? i dont think so but who fuckin knows

What’s your biggest trans-related fear? NOBODY’S EVER GONNA LOVE ME

What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition? i feel like this has already been covered by previous questions

What do you wish cis people understood? that my gender isnt anybody’s business!! who cares!! 

What impact has being trans affected your life? idk honestly. dont know where to even begin trying to measure that

What do you do to validate yourself? well sometimes i like to argue with strangers on the internet 

How do you feel about trans representation in media? i love the increasing representation in the media and it makes me very happy to see being trans normalized and validated, but obviously there still just isnt enough good representation

Who is your favorite trans celebrity? angel haze maybe

Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most? hmmm well i think that trans people i know irl are the ones who have given me the most courage. when i see other people come out or change their name or use they/them pronouns or WHATEVER i’m like “wow if they can do it i can too”.

How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online? i wouldnt say im really involved w the community in any way aside from just being present here on tungle dot com

How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years? pretty much the same

What trans issue are you most passionate about? affordable & accessible healthcare!!! 

What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them? hey buddy i did it (am doing it?) and so can you

How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality? i feel like skinny white androgynous ppl are the ‘default’ nonbinary ppl which sucks. i esp feel the weight thing bc i feel like it really prevents me from being seen the way i want to be seen. on the class front, i feel fortunate that can afford surgery and whatever else i need

What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression? i feel like my gender expression is super feminine to other people. but to me i feel like my expression is pretty much aligned w/ my identity  

Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither? neither

What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it? sexual - idk i think i need somebody to figure it out and tell me. don’t really feel like labeling it right now, but sex is just not big for me. romantic - panromantic cuz i just like everybody. somehow much easier to figure out than my sexual orientation

Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference? no preference tho if theyre cis they better not be a douchebag about it

How did/do you manage waiting to transition? honestly i’m a huge procrastinator LOLLL. as long as i keep telling myself ‘haha yeah it’ll happen eventually’ i’m just like ‘cool so i dont have to do it NOW…’ as long as i have the knowledge that it WILL happen im like..i can wait. If I think abt the possibility that it might not happen I freak the fuck out…for a bit I thought it might not be possible for me to get top surgery (due to medical issues) and I was in panic mode.

What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things? idk i guess i learned a lot on tumbles

Do you interact with other trans people IRL? not super often, i mostly know trans ppl that are just like acquaintances or casual friends. our interaction is limited to liking each others instagram or facebook posts lol

Are you involved in any trans-related activism? nah tho i think it’d be cool

Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer. i refuse to make up my own question 

[hymn-bo]

Man the amount of hate I'm getting just for posting selfies is astounding

I shouldnt have to defend myself for wearing what I want, but here we go.

Cis men are applauded and celebrated for wearing dresses and breaking gender norms. However, if a trans man does it, suddenly he's not trans enough?

I live in a very conservative area (read as: I live in Texas) and honestly it is simply safer for me to dress more femininely. This being said, I've been dating my girlfriend for a year, and this is only the third time she's ever seen me in a dress (once was for a school dance and I didnt have another option and the other was for a tradition my friends and I had for the last day of school).

Clothes are not gendered.

Some people have taken it upon themselves to comment on my large chest, and why I seem to be 'highlighting' it. Thank you for pointing out a very obvious source of my dysphoria, a part of me that makes binding nearly impossible and makes it impossible for me to pass even when binding. I also live with very conservative Christian parents who planned to kick me out when I turned 18 (they didnt go through with it so long as I promised not do to anything that might hint towards my transness while I lived with them. Not even saving up money for future surgery).

So, I never pass. Even when I try my hardest. And all my 'masculine' clothes I've had to purchase myself, which means I inherently have less of them. So to me it's not worth it to even try most days. Itll hurt all the more when I get my hopes up and still get called ma'am (which, by the way, happened when I was wearing the more masculine outfit).

Am I not allowed to learn to love my body? My body and I have our differences, and I would gladly get rid of my chest and get on testosterone if I had the chance, but while living with my parents it simply isn't possible. I plan to someday.

So for the time being I just want to be cute. Cis boys can wear make up and still be men. And I'm confident in myself enough to allow me that. When I dress femininely it often isn't by choice. But when I am forced to, why not have fun with it? Its safer to go out in public with my girlfriend and be read as 'gal pals' than it is to be read as a femme and a butch lesbian, considering I've only ever been referred to as sir or anything in public about 4 times in almost as many years.

So yes. I may wear a dress from time to time. Because if I dont have a choice in the matter, why wouldnt I have fun with it? I was only able to dress that masculinely because my parents were out of town that weekend (They had left later in the day that I wore the dress, which was the day before the masculine pictures).

While yes, I experience physical gender dysphoria, the majority of it is social dysphoria for me. Being read and interacted with as a male, being referred to by the correct pronouns, and so on. This on it's own may not be considered as high of dysphoria as another person's, however I absolutely do feel gender euphoria when I dress in clothes that align to my actual identity. I feel more confident and more truly myself when dressing masculinely, however I don't despise occasionally wearing make up. Because I know myself well enough to know that I am a man and no one can take that away from me.

tldr: if a cis man can wear a dress and make up and be considered progressive and 'fabulous', fuck you if you don't think trans men should be able to as well. Destroy the concept that trans people should all hate themselves. Why are you trying to stamp out what little body positivity trans people have?

These pictures were taken a day apart!

This is just a reminder that no matter how anyone dresses or presents themselves, their gender is what they tell you it is! I am a boy who can rock a dress and make up if I want! And that doesnt make me any less of a man 💕

He/him