#i don't yet know all of her songs i am easing myself into it but i am def invested

[eerna]

Chappell Roan succeeded where no other pop artist did and made me actually invested in her career

[mrsriddles-blog]

Her Girl | P.P

Pairing: Slytherin Fem Reader X Pansy Parkinson

WC: 2k+

Warnings/Notes: Mild language, kissing, angst, drugs…

Summary: Unsure of how either of you feel and not wanting to risk losing one another as a person in each other’s lives, you continue to dance around the truth of your guys’ relationship.

A/N: I am so sorry! It has been ages since I’ve actually posted a piece of writing! This is a draft and I’ve seen all the requests, I’m working through them slowly, but surely! College and work have been a real pain in the ass, so I’m so sorry guys! I’ll probably be switching up the plan I had originally just to try and get some more work out and posted. I’ll also probably do away with the song fics until I have more time on my hands! I’ll try to finish the ones already planned and of course if a request comes up, but it’s super time consuming!

"Hey, who's that?" Lorenzo asks, pointing at you.

You sat alone at a table in the courtyard, your green robes sticking out to your own house. They've never noticed you before and clearly you were new if you were sitting at the Golden Trio's table.

"I don't know, but I feel like we should rescue her before the Golden Trio gets to her." Draco says, looking in the direction of the glaring Gryffindors.

"Too late." Mattheo mumbles, taking another drag from his cigarette.

"Excuse me. Who are you sitting at our table?" Harry asks.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is your name on this table? No, it's not. So it doesn't make it your table. Now get the fuck out of my face." You snap.

The boy who lived was taken aback by your hostility, along with your icy tone. He puts his hands up, deciding not to fight with you. He had no idea who you were anyway, only that you were an enemy by your house colors.

You watch as he backs away, a familiar look of fear in his eyes. You wait until the three fools turn around before focusing back on the letter to your father. You had found you hated Hogwarts as you've faced nothing, but bullying and not to mention you were still friendless after a month. 

You weren't one to give up, but this time...you weren't wanting to fight.

There wasn't anything here for you. No one even in your house has noticed you. You're barely noticed by the professors. It's like you don't exist because you're not apart of their clicks. You pull a cigarette out, lighting it in hopes it'll ease your nerves.

You pack up your belongings, tired of the chatter as you begin walking to the Astronomy Tower in hopes for some peace.

"Sorry, didn't know anyone was up here." You mumble, seeing a girl with long brown hair and green eyes.

She wore no robes, but she wore a green tie—one that hung loosely around her neck. You start to make your way to turn to exit as she speaks.

"No! Wait! Come sit." She says, her cheeks flushing red at sounding so panicked.

Panicked because she realized she'd been quite a tad bit too long and was just staring, so you had begun to walk away. You were hesitant, but you take a seat next to her.

"I'm Pansy Parkinson." She says.

"Y/N Y/L/N." You murmur.

"I've seen you around. I'm sorry I haven't introduced myself sooner. I assumed it would be overwhelming as I'm sure people were eager to meet you. It's not often we get someone in the middle of the year, let alone our fifth year." She explains.

"You're alright. It's been quite the opposite actually. You're the first person to actually speak to me...and notice me. Although, I'm considering lettering my father to get transferred elsewhere." You admit, putting out your cigarette to light another.

"What? Why?" She asks.

"I've faced quite a bit of bullying since I've got here. Not that I've cared. Typically I'll handle it, but I'm not quite sure who keeps pulling their stunts. And I haven't made any friends. It's been hard." You admit quietly.

"Don't send that letter just yet. You are now my friend. Let me introduce you to my other friends later at dinner. It'll be nice to have another girl apart of the group, oh, and I'll figure out who's messing with you, Y/n/n. I'll handle it." She says, giving you a smile.

"That's okay, Pansy. I'll figure it out sooner if later. It's my problem to sort out anyway." You say, managing a soft smile.

"You can handle it, but I'll also be handling it. Trust me, if I don't handle it, the boys will which means all of them will cast hellfire on the unfortunate bloke. The moment they meet you, you'll be apart of our little family." She says.

"Hey, Pansy? I was wondering if—." You say, before stopping.

She was in a dark green lace bra, wearing a mini skirt as she sifted through her closet. She smiles at you, one that sent your stomach in a bunch of flutters. Your cheeks flush red when you realize you were staring.

"What's up, love?" She asks lowly.

You swallow thickly, your thighs not so discreetly clenching together as a heat ignited in your core.

"I...um, nevermind. Sorry, I can't remember what I was going to ask. Sorry, um for barging in." You say, looking anywhere, but her.

"Hey, what happened to your lip?" She asks, stepping forward until she was in front of you.

She lifts a hand, cupping your face as she runs her thumb across your busted lip.

"Nothing." You mumble.

"This isn't nothing." She scolds.

"It's not that big of a deal, Pans." You mumble, pulling back.

She purses her lips, nodding and you sigh, knowing you've pissed her off. You turn, leaving her dorm as you walk back to your dorm.

There was a party tonight and that was what you had gone to talk to Pansy about. You sigh, running a hand through your hair. You wanted to be bold though, so you began the tedious search through your closet.

"Hey, I wanted to talk with you." Theodore says, slipping in your dorm.

You've settled on an outfit and now you just had to get dress. You start to shimmy your way out of your jeans.

"What's up?" You ask.

"So—oh, hey Pans." He says.

Her eyes were on you as you were half-naked in front of Theodore Nott—one of the two most notorious boys in Slytherin who screwed with girls.

"Oh...when did this happen?" Pansy asks quietly.

"It's not that, Pansy. I've seen her naked like a lot now. Friends only, pinky swear." He says, leaning back on your bed.

You rolled your eyes, seeing she wasn't convinced. You pull on the skirt and look at her.

"I'm gay, Pansy." You say.

"Oh!" She says, her cheeks flushing red.

"You really think this girl would let me sleep with her and let me see her naked on a daily basis? No! She'd kick my ass." He snorts.

"I-I've got to finish getting ready. Sorry! I can't remember what I was going to ask...actually, I do. I'm sorry, I got cold and I iced you out because you weren't comfortable telling me what happened." She says.

"Pans, it was a stupid argument I got into. I shouldn't have listened because I know the truth anyway. It's seriously no biggie. Go finish getting ready. You and I will slay this party, more so you." You say, smiling softly at her.

She smiles, her cheeks flushing red, but she leaves. You look back at your skirt and fix it before pulling your shirt over your head.

"So, that answered my question. One of them at least. But, do you like her?" Theodore asks, unfazed as you take your bra off and pull on the lace bralette that was a dark green.

"Of course I do! She's a great friend...she's been accepting of me since day one and she's been nice despite me having my days sometimes. She's always understanding and I love that. No one has been that way for me. Ever. I've never really experienced the love and care of friends until her...and of course you guys, but she and I are always going to be a little closer obviously." You ramble, pulling on the black blazer.

"I meant in a more than friend way." He says, lighting a cigarette.

You sigh, sitting at your vanity as you straighten your hair, going for a bold look. You settle on a vibrant red lipstick along with dark eyeshadows.

"Yeah, but that won't ever happen, Theo. She doesn't like me that way. Not to mention...I've tried to subtly hint to her only for her to brush past it. I've gotten my hint, so I'm going to be thankful I even have her in my life as a friend." You explain.

"God, you are blind." He mumbles.

"And what are you talking about?" You ask.

"I'm talking about the way she talks about you to us when you aren't around. It's like, she's in some dream. She gets this dreamy smile and look to her eye when she thinks or talks about you. She lights up when you're around. She cares about you, worried when you're having an off day or if you get in a fight. She's just scared to lose you. You are more than her girl than you realize. And what about that fight you got into with that Ravenclaw who was calling her a fag and stuff? That's just being friendly?" He asks.

"You're telling me you wouldn't have fought her for that?" You deadpan, turning to him.

"One, I would have if she was a he as I don't hit girls. Two, is that all you got from what I said?" He asks.

"Theo, I can't lose her. I don't think you realize what that will do to me if I lose her. It's not that I don't want to believe what you're saying. I just don't want to get my hopes up. What if you're looking for the same thing I am?" You ask.

"I guess we'll find out tonight. I heard a certain Gryffindor was going to show her moves on Pans tonight. Just know it's on you for letting her slip away." He says, leaving your dorm.

You frown, looking at your vanity for a moment before finishing up your makeup. You pull on your heels with the snake coiled around the heel as music began to play. You debated on even going to this party.

You went nonetheless, striding towards the bar where you mixed up a drink that was borderline death itself. Your eyes found Pansy chatting it up with Hermione Granger of all people. You frown, not noticing a Hufflepuff sixth year striding towards you.

"I'm Anna!" She calls, sending a flirty smile your way.

"Y/n!" You call, smiling back slightly.

Pansy had tuned Hermione out, her eyes on you before she stormed over to the boys. She smacked Theodore in the head who curses.

"What the hell!? I thought you said she liked me!" She snaps.

"She does! What the hell was that for?" He says, rubbing his head.

"She's talking to that sixth year Hufflepuff! That's what it was for!" She snaps.

"I said she likes you. I even told her that Hermione was going to make a move on you if she didn't. I never said she'd make the move though. You are really important to her, she doesn't want to lose you. She rather have you as a friend than lose you because she doesn't believe you like her." He explains.

"So, she's going to just dance with her? Are you actually listening to whether she likes me or not or are you just a fucking bloke?" She snaps.

"That busted lip is because she got into a fight with a Ravenclaw who was calling you some nasty names. I believe I heard her say something across the lines of don't talk shit about my girl. You can stand here and sulk about her dancing with Anna, or you can go get your girl. Your choice." He says.

Pansy looks at him with malice before relaxing and sighing as a tired look washes over her face. She looks up at you to see you dancing with Anna still.

"I'll handle, Anna. It won't go anywhere obviously, but just so you can whisk her away." Astoria says, taking her pin out of her hair and shaking her curls free.

Astoria was a new friend of the group because of her arranged marriage with Draco, but only the group knew of the arrangement.

Pansy strides towards the dancing crowd and grabs your hand. You look at her as Astoria whisks Anna away. Pansy pulls you off to a secluded corner and sighs.

"I'm a bloody idiot for not realizing how you felt. But, that makes you one too as you haven't realized how I felt." She sighs.

"What?" You ask oblivious.

"I like you, Y/n/n. I have for awhile." She chuckles.

"I...I like you too, Pans. I just...didn't think you would ever feel that way for me." You admit quietly.

"Fucking hell, shut up and let me kiss you." She laughs.

Your cheeks flush red, but nonetheless, you let her pull you in by your hips, your lips meeting her soft ones that tasted like her cherry lipgloss. You smile into the kiss as your guys' guy friends started to whoop and holler for you both. You flipped them the middle finger as Pansy's hands move to your ass.

"She's got her girl." Theodore chuckles.

"The hell they'll be together." Mattheo laughs.

[aroace-poly-show]

hi more me guessing hw songs.

i learned the lyrics to Snowman by halyosy (lyrics) and now can't stop thinking of it as a potential hw song- not as a song they would cover, but as a song their virtual singer would sing to them (kaito to tsukasa specifically). i don't think you've ever shared virtual singer lore so im making it up drawing influence from the feelings of both the nightcord and wxs virtual singers

""I told a lie to my mom", a boy began to cry. I am made to be all white so that I can take away the darkness in his heart". -> n25s miku's whole thing is to be there for mafuyu and help ease the pain in her heart. i'd guess the virtual singers of hw would have a similar motivation. (also, the lie in question was that the boy had friends and was talented at school and sports, so that his dying mother didn't worry about him. if this isn't tsukasa at its core.)

"I tried to warm your cold smile, but I can't make a smile with my artificial eyes" -> but the vs aren't actually real (i dont want to think about the implications of sekai so i will leave it there), so what can they do other than provide support? provide a word here or there, a wish of healing? but also- the wishes of the virtual singers have to come from somewhere, right? is this not also the wish of hw- "i want you to be happy, even if i am not yet myself"?

"Neon tubes and monochrome snow" -> i actually don't really know what this line means in the actual song but here- the neon lights of the theater, the colorful world of the stage, and the cold, grey feelings freezing them in place?

"I'll tell you how to do it, I believe you can do it, Soft snow covers our tracks" -> this again as the wish of the virtual singers- i can't change for you, but i can offer advice and push you forward because i know you can (oh also spitball other point- kaito's line in his 1.5 anni card- "when faced with a wall, i don't want to push them up over from the bottom. I want to climb it myself and pull them up with me, so that we can see the other side together"). i had a connection to the soft snow covering our tracks part but i don't know how to say it in words. but in colors it's a soft orange. which i know doesn't make any sense.

"You ran with your friends" -> emu nene rui do i need to say more here. (yes because it never gets old. because of the pain, of the things that tore them down, of the steps they took back up, they found their dreams friends family).

"He will be alright now, 'cause there's no winter that isn't followed by spring" -> yes

also raising the point of snow imagery- it alrealy exists in normal n25- mafuyu did chose the name "yuki". and i think there was an event about it. i think that theme also works in hw. but instead of the damp, blue sort of snowfall that feels cold and hollow, it's the warmer, sparkly snow of dawn. it's the snow that was lonely in the night, but beings to feel less so when the light first begins to break.

AADHWJJDNWKDNWKDUSQJOSHISKWUQNDOBWNSNSJ acey are you in my fucking brain. aroace wxs fanatics really do share a brain cell because HELLO??????/silly

i haven’t said shit about the virtual singers yet but ohmygod your guess is so fucking on point. awawawa. this is so fucking hw core and like it fits so so fucking well into the current thoughts i have for both tsukasa and the main story guhhhh explodes explodes explodes

firstly, might as well do a tiny bit of explanation for hw virtual singers. they both have the same overall personalities as canon wxs, kaito being the responsible older brother figure (representing what tsukasa wants to be like yknow) and miku being very childish and all (i. forget her symbolism w tsukasa. whoops). also given that the sekai and they were created from tsukasa’s feelings, they are well aware that tsukasa isn’t quite okay. even if he isn’t entirely aware of it himself. yknow how he is. anyway. you’re very right about hw virtual singers. their goal is both to ease their pain but also to like. revive the bit of hope they all had, and help them not lose it again. given it’s an online theater group, they of course want to help them do shows and find joy in doing again, because despite it hurting them so badly they still hold so much love for shows and the vs want to help them with it, but more than anything they want them all to find joy in living again. like they’ve all been hurt and vs is there to ease that pain and help them find joy and hope despite being given so much shit and having been hurt. yknow. and i don’t have much to add aside from that cause like. you got them so well. my god

"You ran with your friends" throwing UP. i hate these clowns and their stupid loving friendship and love and care they have for each other because who else understood them like they did each other who else did they have aside from each other because who else will drag them back up and cling to hope with them like they do for each other. they’re so. sobs.

"He will be alright now, 'cause there's no winter that isn't followed by spring" YES. YES INDEED. they’re all gonna be okay. they’re gonna be okay. cries.

tsukasa side note:

""I told a lie to my mom", a boy began to cry. I am made to be all white so that I can take away the darkness in his heart" -> also like you said TBIS IS TSUKASA AT HIS CORE and he’s exactly the same in hw. he wants to be that big brother his siblings can look up to he wants to make them proud and he especially doesn’t want to worry anyone Ever and saki and toya know something might be wrong but he won’t tell her (but to be fair. he hasn’t exactly admitted it to himself either) bc he’s tsukasa tenma!! he’s okay!!! he has to be okay!! he’s going to be a star!! and what kind of star would let a lot a few setbacks get him down!! so there’s no need for anyone to worry!! cause he’s a-okay!! (<- lying. to himself as well.) honestly at this rate i’m not even gonna need to do the tsukasa ramble since i’m just rambling about him in asks when i can /lh

[alj4890]

Mixed Signals

(Dr. Tobias Carrick x F!MC *Chris Valentine) (Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC*Chris Valentine) (Dr. Bryce Lahela x F!MC*Chris Valentine) in an Open Heart Fan fiction.

A/N I've written only a few drabbles for Open Heart, but after the disappointment of Book 3 and no book 4 to fix everything, the idea for this series has been in my mind ever since the attack in Book 2 began.

Masterlist

Song Inspiration for this series: Sparks by Coldplay

Prologue

Mass Kenmore Hospital...

"Dr. Valentine?" Tobias said in surprise. "What brings you deep into enemy territory?"

Chris took a hesitant step forward. Her fingers twisted the material of her wool skirt as she faced the man partly responsible for saving her life.

What did one say to the very person that she had insulted, labeled the enemy, and fought so hard to beat?

After all that she had done, Dr. Tobias Carrick had dropped everything and rushed to Edenbrook on the day of the attack to find a way to save her life.

Licking her lips, she lifted her eyes to his. "If you're not busy, Dr. Carrick, I was wondering if I could speak to you," she looked about at the nurses and doctors rushing past on the fifth floor of Mass Kenmore, "alone?"

His smug smirk peeked out. Stepping to the side, he waved her down the hall. "Fourth door on the left is my office."

With shaky legs, she walked toward the direction he pointed.

He opened the door for her and followed her inside.

Smoothing her damp hands down her skirt, she once more faced him.

Tobias sat down on the edge of his desk, his smirk slowly disappearing. "You okay, Chris?"

She nodded and took a deep breath to try and keep her tears at bay.

He reached for her hand. "Hey. It's okay. Take your time."

She bit down on her lip. That gentle bedside manner of his touched her heart. He had used it when he swooped in to see if he could find a cure for the poison she had inhaled. Hearing it once again made her feel...well, feel for the first time in a long time.

"I just...I just wanted to stop by and thank you--"

"You already thanked me." He told her, smiling again.

"I know." She swallowed once more. "This is my first day out of the hospital and I wanted to thank you again when I'm not..."

When I'm not what? Out of my head? Weak from nearly dying? Heartbroken over losing Danny and Bobby? Worried about Rafel? Wondering why neither of the two men I work with and have feelings for won't say what we are?

"Chris?"

"Sorry." She sniffed and reached for a tissue on his desk. The movement made her move directly between his legs.

She heard the light intake of breath and looked up. Their faces were close to one another's, so much so that she could smell both the peppermints he preferred and the light splash of cologne he had on.

He was completely still yet tense with his body poised for whatever she was going to do next.

Without any thought or plan for where this might go, she kissed his cheek and hugged him.

His arms lifted to hold her when he felt her stray warm tears against his neck.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly, gently squeezing her close.

"Not really." She admitted. "Everyone keeps telling me to give myself time and all." She eased back. "I wish they would leave me alone."

He kept his hands on her waist while studying her. "Then tell them."

"Ha. You've met them." She snorted. "They don't take orders like that well."

"True." He replied. "You want me to do it?" His smirk brought a grin to her face. "Ethan already considers me a pain in his ass. What's one more mark against me?"

She laughed, while dabbing at her eyes and nose. "After what you did for me? No way am I letting you continue to be the bad guy."

"Aww shucks, Valentine." Tobias teased. "You're going to give me a big head."

"As if it wasn't already big enough." She teased back. Tilting her head, she pretended to study him. "How do you lift it?"

"I work out." He winked then stood up. "I'm glad you came by."

"Me too." She held her hand out.

He shook his head. "You already hugged me. I figure that could be our thing."

"Our thing?"

Tobias pulled her back into his embrace.

"Yeah." He hugged her close. "Now that you won't let me be the big bad guy, I think this means you want us to be friends."

"Whoa. I'm merely a girl coming to thank a guy for saving her life." She teased. "Don't go thinking this means more than that."

"Sorry. Thought is already there." He countered, letting her go. "You're stuck with me now Chris whether you like it or not."

"Ugh, fine." She playfully grumbled. "I already deal with so many ego maniacs. What's one more?"

He opened his office door for her. "I knew you would agree."

"Just because you won this round doesn't mean you'll win them all, Dr. Carrick." Chris warned, completely unable to keep from grinning at him.

"Allow me to let you in on a little secret, Dr. Valentine," he leaned down close to whisper. "I win all the rounds that are important to me." Swiping up the folder he had previously been studying, he saluted her. "See you soon."

*****************

A couple of weeks later...

"Baz and I will go talk to the patient." June offered.

"Good, I'll..." Ethan's eyes widened when the door of the diagnostics office opened.

Chris calmly walked in and flashed a brief smile. "Good morning. Sorry I'm late. My landlord needed some help being admitted."

"Chris?" Ethan's brow furrowed. "We didn't expect you back so soon."

Baz bounded over to wrap her in a hug while June questioned her about any lingering side effects.

"A little tired still and occasionally breathless, but other than that I feel mostly back to normal."

"Fascinating." June's smile formed. "I'd love to sit down and discuss with you--"

"Kerri Monroe's diagnosis." Ethan bit out. "That's what you need to focus on now."

"On it." Baz whispered how happy he was to have Chris back as he followed June out the door.

"Anything I can do?" Chris walked over and picked up the medical file. "Should I order some labs for Mrs. Monroe or--"

"Sit down." Ethan ordered. "You shouldn't have come back so soon, Rookie."

"Why?" Chris looked up at him, surprised he called her that particular nickname again. "There are things to do here. People need my help more than I need to sit on a couch all day."

He ran a hand through his hair. "You don't need to exert yourself. We don't know if--"

"You weren't worried about me exerting myself after the funeral." She muttered.

His cheeks flushed at the reminder of what had happened in his car on that stormy night. "Chris, I'm still your superior. I don't know--"

She quickly waved her hand dismissing his same reason of why he wouldn't fully commit to her. "I get it. No need to tell me again."

An awkward silence fell between them.

"If," she coughed to cover her embarrassment, "if you don't need me right now, I'll uh, I'll go make my rounds."

"Go ahead." Ethan said softly. His eyes drifted over her face before he forced them elsewhere.

"Just page me if you need another set of eyes." She tried to sound like her old self, yet it held a shrill edge at the end.

"Will do."

She tried to keep her steps from rushing out the door.

"Chris?"

Taking a steadying breath she turned back toward him.

"Don't overdo it." He ordered.

With a quick nod, she walked out the door.

******************

A few hours later...

"...and then Robin flips over the bad guy and..."

Chris couldn't stop smiling at her seven hear old patient telling her his favorite stories of Batman and Robin. Throughout examining him, he had shown her his toys and comic books that his parents had brought into his room.

"How's you're tummy feel?" She asked when he paused for breath.

His little face dimmed of happiness. "Still hurts some."

"I promise it will feel better soon." She then addressed his parents about the afternoon's surgery.

A knock had them all turning to see Bryce walking in, wearing a Robin mask.

"I heard that a hero needs some..." His eyes widened. "Chris! What are you doing back at work?"

She shrugged while helping them move the patient to the gurney. "It felt like it was time."

His brow furrowed much like Ethan's had when seeing her.

"Walk with me?" He asked as soon as they began to wheel towards surgery. "And wait until I drop him off."

"You're not performing the surgery?" She asked.

"Not today. I have one in about an hour scheduled that Dr. Tanaka wants me for."

A few minutes later, Bryce motioned for her to follow him to the cafeteria. It was for the most part empty, save for a couple of doctors grabbing a late lunch.

"You want anything?" He asked.

"No thanks." She sat down at a table while he went to get a snack.

He grinned as he sat down across from her. "Here." He pushed a bag of peanuts toward her. "You should eat something."

Her nose wrinkled. "I really haven't gotten my appetite back yet."

She noticed the concern in his eyes so like her roommates' and knew she would have to force down some of the peanuts just to make it stop.

"So?" She tried not to gag on what once was her favorite goto snack. "How have you been?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" He bit into a burger. "I mean," he said between bites, "of the two of us, you've been the patient."

"Yeah." She slumped some in her seat. "I wasn't too sick to talk on the phone though." Her eyes narrowed somewhat on his. "Or have visitors."

Bryce winced. "Sorry about that, Chris. I guess I didn't know what to say or do?"

"Really?" Her eyes narrowed more.

How often had she stressed to him within the past year that he was important to her, that she wanted to be with him. Then when he wouldn't say he wanted that too and reverted back to calling her a friend, she gave in to trying something with Ethan.

Only for both men to keep her on a yoyo string to pull back and forth whenever they needed her.

What do I see in them to keep swallowing my pride and allowing them to basically use me for sex whenever they want?

Chris was fed up. The longer Bryce stammered about his busy schedule and not wanting to disturb her rest, the more she wanted to chunk the peanuts at his stupid, much too handsome face.

She didn't even want the damn things. Might as well use them as a quick release to her frustration.

Her fingers curled around the bag. Her bicep tightened in preparation to throw them, when Sienna walked up.

Her friend's excited hug and squeals of seeing her at work again were what saved Bryce's overly confident face.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming back?!" Sienna sat down next to her. "I would have made celebration pancakes this morning!"

Chris couldn't stop from smiling. She could always depend on Sienna's sweetness to boost her mood.

"I didn't really decide until you had left for work. Then Farley came by to check on me and he wasn't feeling too good..."

She continued to tell her about his diagnosis of lime disease.

"Hate to break this up, but I have to get ready for surgery." Bryce smiled at them both. "Take it easy, Valentine. I don't want to have to operate on you next."

Chris bit back a bitter retort that he better hope she needed surgery. It would be his only chance to catch her naked again.

"Meet us at Donahue's later!" Sienna shouted. "We will celebrate Chris being back."

"There's no need." Chris began.

"Yes, there is!" Sienna squeezed another hug out of her. "My best friend is back with us and I'm over the moon about it!"

Bryce smirked at her. "She's right. We have to celebrate our friend's return."

Our friend. Chris despised the word, friend. Why did she keep placing her hope on him seeing her as something more than a mere friend?

And to make things worse, Ethan walked past.

"Dr. Ramsey!" Sienna called out before Chris could stop her. "Come have a drink with us tonight in honor of Chris's return!"

Ethan hesitated. That action nearly earned him peanuts in his handsome face too.

Gawd, I hate that look. The sad, yearning eyes. The slight frown. Man up and either say you want to date me or leave me alone for good! This back and forth is killing me worse than the poison did.

"Where at?" Ethan finally asked.

"Donahue's." Sienna beamed when he said he would try and stop by on his way home.

Chris mumbled a goodbye as Bryce left and Ethan headed off to find something to eat.

"Who else should we invite? I know Rafe is still too sick to get out." Sienna tapped her fingers on the table while scrolling through her contacts. "We can invite the rest of the diagnostic team and Ines and--"

"I'll send an invite to Tobias." Chris decided.

"Tobias? Who's...oh!" Sienna's eyes widened. "Dr. Carrick, right?"

"Yeah." Chris sent a text to him before she could think too much about it. "He did rush over with Aurora to try and save my life."

"I thought he was the enemy?" Sienna whispered while her eyes cut to Ethan. "Don't they have bad blood between them?"

"Something like that." Chris grumbled. "They can get over it."

Her phone vibrated with Tobias's response.

You want me to come deep into Edenbrook territory for a drink?

She snorted while answering.

Too scared, huh? And here I was longing for your company.

Well hell, Chris. I've never been able to refuse someone longing for my company. I'll be there. Just make sure no one sticks a scalpel in my back.

Don't worry. I'll protect you.

My hero.

Sienna leaned over, her eyes growing larger with each of their responses.

"Oh my gosh! You like Tobias!"

Chris's smile disappeared. "I don't hate him. But like like him? No."

"You're flirting in your texts!" Sienna giggled. "That is so cute. I haven't see you like this since our first year with--" she clapped a hand over her mouth.

"Uh huh." Chris pushed her chair back. "Anyway, I'll see you after work." She patted her friend's shoulder as she walked away. "Don't worry, I'm not upset with you over the name you almost said."

"Yeah, but." Sienna chased after her. "There is also another person who is interested in you."

"If you mean the one I think, then no. He made it perfectly clear this morning that we can't."

"No!" Sienna wrapped a comforting arm around Chris. "Why not?"

"He's still my boss." Chris mumbled. "And he won't abuse that. No matter how often he gives in to temptation."

"I think he's in love with you." Sienna whispered.

"Not enough to be with me." Chris grumbled.

[krenenbaker]

Obey Me! Song Analyses - Pomade

I absolutely love the songs released for this game, and have wanted to look into them a little deeper for quite a while! I'm starting off with the character song I've listened to the most - Asmodeus' character song, Pomade. While I technically should be starting with Arcadia... I'm kind of having Asmo brainrot right now, and want to talk about him ♡

link to the lyrics

This is probably my favourite OM! character song, though I am definitely biased (since Asmo is one of my absolute faves and I just LOVE Miura Ayme's singing and voice acting ^^;) but also, this song just suits Asmo so, so, so, so well!! 

For starters, the title is super interesting - Pomade. It's a clever reflection of Asmo's interests and focus (beauty, and specifically his *own* beauty.) And while this may be a bit of a reach, it also makes me think of his characterization, in how a pomade is often perfumed and is used to control hair, much like Asmo with his powers, both in terms of his ability to charm and his own perfume(s).

The genre choice is also perfect for this song. The soft, kind of… slightly seductive(?) synthpop-ish sound suits him well, especially with the gentle, yet upbeat instrumentals and vocals. It reminds me a lot of some of Hayley Kiyoko's music, actually, especially songs like Ease My Mind and Sleepover. (side note: Asmo would loooooooove her music. I'm 100% sure of it!!)

And if I could just go on about the vocals a little more, ahdkfaglsfh they're perfect. Not only is Miura's singing always amazing, his singing as Asmodeus is absolutely gorgeous!! it has such a different quality to his other songs, and is so wonderfully… bubbly, almost?? I just adore it. (Also, his vocal range is incredible, omgg ♡ The notes at the end of the chorus are SO clear and beautiful...)

However, it's the lyrics that really make me love this song. Like in all the songs the team has released, the internal thoughts and motivations of the character are made SO clear!! I feel as though Pomade shows a more vulnerable side to Asmo than we usually see in the game (which, as a side note, I feel as though his character development is a lot less... I don't know, noticeable? than the others? It's a little sad.) The lyrics do show his self-centeredness, narcissism, and his role as a demon, but that is more towards the beginning of the song. It's almost as though throughout the piece, there is a gradual acceptance on Asmo's part of his feelings, rather than his expectations of what he "should" feel. This is made especially clear with how the repeated lyrics shift, and how the chorus changes each time. 

For instance, the line in the first verse “Kimi wa boku no toriko” (“You're my captive”, or in the official translation, “For now, you're mine”) becomes the reverse (“I'm your captive" / “I'm yours”) in the second verse, which is a MAJOR thing for him to not only feel, but actually acknowledge to be true! The same can be said for how he goes from speaking about wanting to be seen and admired by you, to wanting to admire you instead.

It's also so interesting how the chorus changes each time, with the lyrics becoming more and more affectionate each repetition: 

“No matter who you are You're no match for me There is nobody but myself That is enough for me” 

turning into 

“Even if it's you You're still no match for me There is nobody but myself That I can fall for”, 

then finally,

“No matter who you are I want you to show me I fell in love with someone Besides myself for the first time” 

in the last chorus. Each repetition, he becomes more and more aware of his feelings, and more and more vulnerable, with his pride and ego giving way to genuine affection. He truly goes from being the charmer, to being charmed himself.

I just absolutely love this song, both for how well is showcases my darling Asmo, and just how nice of a song it is to listen to ^^

[frogwithgun]

Writing time!!!!!!

Got this idea while listening to Sleepless 10/10 song would recommend.

-----------------------------

4:05 AM. Big bold letters on his clock tease him with the fact that he still can't sleep. And how could he? How could Geto possibly sleep soundly when his best friend is just down the hall unaware of how he feels? He couldn't.

It drove him up the wall. So instead of trying to sleep any longer he just got up and went to the showers. Hoping that maybe the warm water would help him rid his mind of those clear blue eyes that reminded him of summer skies.

It didn't. Fuck.

-------------------

He goes back to his room and flops down onto his bed. His hair splaying all around him. He sighs. Then he sits up and looks at the clock again. 5:01 AM. He reaches for the nightstand and grabs a hair tie. Carefully putting his hair up into a ponytail.

There's nothing to do so early in the mornings. So he gets up and decides to get dressed for the day. He had a long day of missions and classes ahead of him after all.

And hopefully he would get to see him.

---------------------

"Suguru! You're awake!"

He jumps and turns to look over his shoulder. Ah there he is. Hair tussled from tossing and turning all through the night. Somehow looking perfectly imperfect. And his eyes are not yet covered by those sunglasses. Geto has to stop himself from swooning.

"Yeah. I've been up for a while. Couldn't sleep." Gojo nods. A wide grin on his lips. Geto can see the slight gloss from those candy flavor lip blams he loves to wear. He wonders, how do they taste?

He forces those thoughts away. "Why don't you come to my room next time then?" And Geto struggles to find out if he's being serious or teasing.

----------------

9:00 AM.

"And he's messing with me! I know he is! 'You can come to my room next time.' But I'm onto him!" Geto is in the infirmary with Shoko. Forcing her to listen to him ramble about his boy troubles. She hands him a cigarette. "Need this?"

Get immediately takes it. "There's no way he was being serious. He was probably just teasing me again." He's sitting on one of the beds and pouting. While Shoko tries to work. "Well maybe he is being serious." Geto scoffs and takes a drag from the cigarette. "Yeah right. You know he loves to mess with me."

Shoko rolls her eyes. "Look you're his one and only or something. He calls you two the strongest. And you're the only one he let's call him by his first name. If that's not enough of a sign I don't know what is!" She throws her hands up exasperated.

Geto rolls his eyes again. "I'm just waiting for him to say something more. Maybe tell me that he likes guys with black hair. Or purple eyes." He shrugs. Shokos buries her head in her hands. "I swear you two make me wanna kill myself." Geto laughs while Shoko glares at him.

"If you don't tell him I will." Geto shrugs. "Really? Let me show you something my dear friend." Shoko nods and they both leave to find Gojo.

-----------------

10:30 AM. Geto finds Gojo. Shoko trailing behind him. "Satoru!" Gojo turns and lights up. "Suguru!" He runs to Geto and jumps into his arms. Something Geto had to get used to. So he catches Gojo with ease. "My mission was soooooo long!" He complains. And Shoko feels like ripping out her hair.

How is he so oblivious? "Satoru I love you. I love you so much it hurts." And Gojo, with the biggest smile, says, "Aw Suguru! I love you too! You're my best friend." Geto looks at Shoko, still holding Gojo, and glares at her. "Damn. So maybe you need to try harder?" Getos eye twitches.

Then he nods. "Ok fine." He full on kisses Gojo. Tasting that coca cola flavored lip balm. And Gojo just smiles. "I missed you too! We should go get some mochi!" Shoko blinks.

He's hopeless.

--------------------

For some reason I love the idea of an oblivious ass Gojo and a very obvious Geto. It's so cute to me

[foggybear42]

the songs i have on my elody playlist and the lyrics in said songs that remind me of her

this ended up being a very long post so press read more to see the full thing

Alone And Sublime - Mother Mother

Aren't I supposed to wanna fight for love? / And life? / Everything that people say is right? / Am I so wrong to cry only when there's something in my eye? / Am I to die alone and sublime?

I threw a pebble in a stream / And let it go about as easily as love that might prosper / All the things they sing about in gospels. / Am I so awful, to stumble only when I'm walking with another? / Is it a blunder to die alone and sublime?

[aroace elody for the win]

Coming Back to Me - Leith Ross

Last week, I wondered if dying would feel like the stories the Catholic Church told / But I used to talk to my mother about how I just couldn't wait to get old

[also just the general feeling of realising that instead of viewing the world with the child-like wonder that you had as a kid, you now view the world with a sour cynicism]

doomsday - Lizzy Mcalpine

Pull the plug, make it painless / I don't want a violent end / Don't say that you'll always love me / 'Cause you know I'd bleed myself dry for you over and over again

I don't get a choice in the matter / Why would I? It's only the death of me

Eight - Sleeping at Last

I was just a kid who grew up strong enough / To pick this armor up / And suddenly it fit

I was little, I was weak and perfectly naive / And I grew up too quick

When I see fragile things, helpless things, broken things / I see the familiar / I was little, I was weak, I was perfect, too / Now I'm a broken mirror

I'm standing guard, I'm falling apart / And all I want is to trust you / Show me how to lay my sword down / For long enough to let you through

I'm just a kid who grew up scared enough / To hold the door shut / And bury my innocence

I'ma shake the ground with all my might / And I will pull my whole heart up to the surface / For the innocent, for the vulnerable / And I'll show up on the front lines with a purpose / And I'll give all I have, I'll give my blood, give my sweat / An ocean of tears will spill for what is broken / I'm shattered porcelain, glued back together again / Invincible like I've never been

Hate Yourself - TV Girl

I'd think you'd fall in love with anyone / Who fell in love with you

So take comfort / Cruel comfort / Before you start to wonder / How you got locked inside your room

Do you let them down, gently? / Does it only make it harder? / To let the feeling linger / To drag it out a little longer / Does it put your mind at ease? / But you're the one who brought 'em here / You're the one who has to take them when you leave / And how long will it… / Take? / Before you start to hate yourself

I Guess - Mitski

It's been you and me / Since before I was me / Without you, I don't yet know / Quite how to live

It's still as a pond / I am staring into / From here, I can say / Thank you / From here, I can tell you / Thank you

Inkpot Gods - The Amazing Devil

And what you see is not the dark / It's just the gods upturning ink pots 'cause they know what you'll become

And to those gods, I will speak bluntly / "We've an accord, if you ever touch or harm him / Please, rest assured that you might not fear a man / But to a woman, by the end, you'll kneel and plea / 'Cause I'm more than what my mum told me to be"

And I can hear him break / And he doesn't understand / And I wish that I could take his hand / But where I'm going is for me and me alone

If I don't make it back from where I've gone / Just know I loved you all along

Me and My Husband - Mitski

But me and my husband / We're doing better / It's always been just him and me / Together / So I bet all I have on that / Furrowed brow / And at least in this lifetime / We're sticking together / Me and my husband / We're sticking together

Savior Complex - Phoebe Bridgers

I drag you to the shore / Sweating through the heat / You're gonna drown in your sleep / For sure / Wake up and start a big fire / In our one room apartment / But I'm too tired / To have a pissing contest

I'm a bad liar / With a savior complex

[i really just hc that elody has a big saviour complex]

Screams and Dreams - Faye

And I guess this is the way it ends / And there's no point in staying friends / And I remember when you told me that you loved me / Little did I know and little did I say / You were over your head and I hadn't yet said / What's true in our heart

So I wish upon a star / And I promise I'll go far / And I close my eyes at once / And I hear a thousand songs

[mostly just added the "wish upon a star" part because it makes me think of fairy tales, and elody is, in fact, a fairy tale herself]

Show You a Body - Haley Heynderickx

I am letting you go / I am letting you go / I am letting you go awry

It was more a mirage / In sickness and health

[all the other lyrics fit elody in a more vibe-y way than a literal way]

Slow Down - Laufey

I wish it would slow down / Even for a second / I'm so old now / Left my adolescence

Think I found somebody / But don't think that it's love

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

I had all and then most of you / Some and now none of you / Take me back to the night we met / I don't know what I'm supposed to do / Haunted by the ghost of you / Oh, take me back to the night we met

Two Slow Dancers - Mitski

It's funny how they're all the same / It's funny how you always remember / And we've both done it all a hundred times before / It's funny how I still forgot / It would be a hundred times easier / If we were young again

When - Dodie

I think I've been telling lies / 'Cause I've never been in love

Sure, I'll live in the moment / But I'm never happy here

Memories painted with much brighter ink / They tell me I loved, teach me how to think

I'm waiting to live, and waiting to love / Oh, it'll be over, and I'll still be asking when

[aroace elody for the win pt2]

and here's the playlist itself!! (art by polarsirens)

[wurm-food]

*slides into the inbox* I heard you wanted to be flustered~

Well, sunflower, you are a pure ray of sunshine, someone that brightens my day without even having to try. Just seeing you be silly and relaxed puts me at ease too. I absolutely love when we talk and share our passion for One Piece.

You know what else? Sanji, Shanks, Beckman, and every single other character you like would be utterly enamored with you. Sanji would see how kind you are and feel a kindred spirit. Shanks? Well, he's a man that appreciates a good sense of humor and he's found a perfect match in you! Beckman just enjoys that you're understanding and don't mind him being on the quieter side.

Oh and a little birdie told me Uta looks up to you. Apparently she said you're her new role model. Wonder if she'll make a song about it...

And then, finally, I can't end this without a true flirt. That's the name of the game after all. So how's about we go for a nice winter walk together? It's pretty slippery, so you better hold my arm - for safety, you see. Better yet, you wear my coat to stay warm and I'll keep you steady and protect you from that sneaky ice.

Live reaction:

You are annihilating me with this sunflower business !!! WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT??

That makes me really happy to hear that me just being me on here put you at ease, honestly. I feel more like myself than I generally do so that really means quite a lot…

My fictional loves too??? Oh my goodness 💕💕 the Uta bit kinda brought a tear to my eye ngl

Hehe and I am a sucker for just straightforward little things so that works for me 🥰

Blaze, my dear, you get a very solid 60%. Stop being so dang cute !

try to fluster me in the asks and I’ll rate you

[myristicisms]

Song Challenge

share at least 5 songs that you associate with or remind you of your muse.

I.

On the Bound; Fiona Apple

Post RE 1, RE 3

A big part of Jill’s storyline throughout the series ( and particularly re1/3 ) tends to have an underlying theme of choices and self determination to some degree, relying on oneself to maintain self security while also still recognizing that she cannot take down Umbrella on her own: Between her desperate attempts to find Chris in re1 due to camaraderie with him to worrying and fretting over a wounded Carlos in re3 after he’d administered the cure to her, a common grounds being that while she is aware she can do things on her own, it’s far better and beneficial to have assistance from those she’s come to trust and care for despite feeling as though her presence alone brings nothing but death and grief.

All my life is on me now / Hail the pages turning / And the future's on the bound / Hell don't know my fury / You're all I need / And maybe some faith would do me good

I don't know what I'm doing / Don't know, should I change my mind? / I can't decide, there's too many variations to consider / No thing I do don't do no thing but bring me more to do / It's true, I do imbue my blue unto myself, I make it bitter

II.

Tongues and Teeth; The Crane Wives

Post RE 1 through the rest of the timeline

Jill is commonly described as a cool headed woman throughout the series both in games and also in the novels, however as the storyline progresses, that cool headed behavior slowly eases into aloofness, she still has a sense of humor but sometimes can be rather cruel in her remarks towards people she isn’t fully familiar with, as seen in her interactions with Carlos both in the novel and the remake of RE 3, meeting him with vulgarities at his playful flirting and being outright hostile towards him, reasonably so. On top of that as far as romances go, whether she reciprocates the feelings of another or not, due to her career and everything she’s been through, Jill is less than inclined to allow herself the privilege of a relationship that goes past strictly platonic.

I've grown a mouth so sharp and cruel / It's all that I can give to you, my dear / And when you come in quick to steal a kiss / My teeth will only cut your lips, my dear / And I know that you mean so well / But I am not a vessel for your good intent

Abandon all your stupid dreams / About the girl I could have been, my dear / 'Cause in the night I know you burn with feelings I cannot return, my dear / Oh, my dear / You gotta know that this won't last / Desperation will erase the fact / I'm keeping all of the answers in my cigarette box

III.

Numb; Portishead

Post RE5 / Revelations 2

During the events between the Lost in Nightmare DLC for RE5 and RE5 itself, we know that Wesker’s influence and experimentations had led into the brainwashing of Jill Valentine to turn her into a weapon to use against the people of Kijuju and the B.S.A.A itself without her consent and can be seen that despite not being able to control her own body, she was fully aware of everything she’d been forced to do. A big part of who Jill Valentine was had been ripped away from her during her time in Wesker’s captivity and likely due to all of the lives she had taken while under his control, Jill likely experiences severe grief and guilt alongside blaming herself much the same as she had for the deaths of many others between the events of the Arklay Mountains in ‘98 up to her rescue and can even be seen referencing returning yet still having a part of her identity and agency removed.

I'm ever so lost / I can't find my way / Been searchin', but I have never seen / A turnin', a turnin' from deceit / 'Cause a child, roses light / Tried to reveal what I could feel / I can't understand myself anymore / 'Cause, I'm still feelin' lonely / Feelin' so unholy / I'm foolin' somebody / A faithless path I roam / Deceiving, to breathe this secretly / The silence, the silence, I can't bear / 'Cause a child roses light / Tries to reveal what I could feel / And this loneliness / It just won't leave me alone / Oh, no / And this loneliness / It just won't leave me alone / A lady of war

IV.

Fast As You Can; Fiona Apple

RE 3 onwards

Post Arklay Incident, Jill is consistently in fight in or flight mode, she knows too much and is well aware of the large target that that puts on her head, especially once Chief Irons puts her on a suspension, we can see in RE 3 Remake that Jill is supposed to be heavily medicated likely in part to a mixture of false diagnoses brought on by trying to blow the whistle on Umbrella alongside newly developed symptoms of PTSD and potential depression also brought on by the Arklay Incident given all she’d experienced. On top of that, Jill also masks herself as stern and cold as a means of self defense as can be seen in her interactions with Carlos and even Mikhail to a degree, her inner dialogue also reflects this in the novels as she tries to cope with the loss of many friends and companions as well as severe nightmares brought on from the previous incident as well as amplifying a potential and underlying desire to have been killed alongside those in the mansion, she also expresses in her own internal dialogue that she feels as though she should have died instead of being cured after Carlos administers the vaccine for the virus.

I let the beast in too soon / I don't know how to live without my hand on his throat / I fight him always and still / Oh darling, it's so sweet / You think you know how crazy / How crazy I am / You say you don't spook easy / You won't go / But I know / And I pray that you will

I may be soft in your palm / But I'll soon grow hungry for a fight / And I will not let you win / My pretty mouth will frame the phrases / That will disprove your faith in man / So if you catch me trying to find my way into your heart / From under your skin / Sometimes my mind don't shake and shift / But most of the time, it does / And I get to the place where I'm begging for a lift / Or I'll drown in the wonders and the was

V.

Back to The Old House; The Smiths

Post RE3 onwards / Semi-Shippy

Jill has many regrets in her life one of which being that she’s not remained in full contact with Carlos, in spite of only really knowing the man for a total of three days, there is a mutual respect and even fondness the two had managed to build up together during their time together in Raccoon, and as survivors of the incident, Carlos has the ability to understand Jill in a way that a lot of those she knows cannot. He was the one who saved her life in every telling of RE 3 and was the one who sat her side while taking care of her throughout her fight with the mentioned infection therefore it’s only natural for a lingering fondness to settle in the back of her mind, often she thinks about seeing if she can reunite with the mercenary but typically decides against it, not wanting to possibly disrupt his peace and be unwelcome.

I would rather not go / Back to the old house / There's too many bad memories / Too many memories there / When you cycled by / Here began all my dreams / The saddest thing I've ever seen / And you never knew / How much I really liked you / Because I never even told you / Oh, and I meant to / Are you still there or have you moved away? / I would love to go / Back to the old house / But I never will / I never will

Tagged by;; @valour-bound ( thank u pookie )

[t-ierrahumeda]

the power's been out for a while. neighbors said they tried to put the light on and things burned out. I'm being careful so I don't try - I'm afraid my computer will burn too, and even if I have the money to replace it, I want to keep it safe, because I built it with my own hands, and parts are expensive - I'd rather use my money for other things.

My cellphone is at 37%, but I still choose to listen to music. The beer is cold, because I put it with ice in a bowl. it's almost completely dark outside, but the lights from other blocks still illuminate the sky for a bit. On my balcony, I can barely see my hands before me. The sound of a thunder is near. Maybe it will rain.

I was supposed to do a few things today, and I managed most of them. It still feels like a failure. It never feels like I used my day as I should. I feel like I can do nothing right these days, as Beach Fossils sing in their kinda sad songs. I don't wanna lie in bed yet.

The day before yesterday I felt I should kill myself. I took a bit more of what I was supposed to take of my sleeping pills early, to ease myself into sleep and let another day come by, hoping the next day it would be better. It was, in a way. I still felt nauseous, and I yet have to find out what's causing it. I've been eating well, drinking a lot of water. Not too much coffee. It still comes back, like a hangover that shouldn't be there.

I repeat to myself the mantra: if it's scary, do it scared. I couldn't work out today, for a reason or another. It's fine. I can do it tomorrow, if my nerves allow me to. I chant to myself: "it's pointless, it's pointless", but a voice, a very small voice tells me "it will help you sleep, and it's good for your body and your mind. I told my mom I'd go on a walk today, but I couldn't go through. My neighborhood is not nice, it's not pretty, so there's no motivation. I know I should get outside more, but it scares me.

Mom goes to work, and the night is mine. Most of the times, I just go to sleep without eating dinner. Maybe a cherry tomato, to ward off the hunger. I know it makes no sense, the beer will spoil it anyways.

My eldest cat is with me on the balcony. He might be looking at me, or looking out - I have no way of knowing, it's all so dark, and I don't dare to light my flashlight to him, it would be rude. So it's still a mystery.

Power should come at around 22.00 pm, but I'm still worried about my PC. I do wish it would come, because it's really hard to sleep without my fan on: the sound soothes me.

It's not summer yet, but it will be soon. This week I started working again at my company, and my boss told me to keep it easy the first day, but tomorrow I'm expected to go at the same pace as my coworkers. When I told him that by my psychiatrist orders I should work from home for the time being, he wasn't pleased. I know I shouldn't care, since I'm quitting this company in two months, but the sensitive part of me cares. I hate being singled out and disliked by others - I don't want to be loved either, just go by unnoticed. That suits me better.

I don't have a set plan for after I quit. It might be my downfall, with my self esteem issues. it will be hard to find a job because I don't trust myself.

Everyone around me tries to encourage me, but I feel like the look and behaviour of this coworker is spot on: you're useless, you're a nuisance, you should stop bothering me. And deep inside I feel she's right. And I'm so scared everyone will know, eventually. That the mask will come out and they'll see me for what I am.

I'm good at some things, but they're useless in the real world. I don't have luck with them in the internet world either - they go unnoticed, the only thing I wish was noticed.

The light is out still. 33% for now.

Mom is not here, but I doubt she'd be of much help. She sees me down, and she wishes to help me, but nobody but myself can. I can see her growing weary, taking care of her adult daughter, when she should be on her own, with a girlfriend, independent, stable. I know I tire her. There's so much she can offer me.

I tried dating, but I can't connect with anybody. I'm afraid I'll reveal something about me, and that they'll accept me anyways, but I wouldn't be able to go through it. It has happened before. I keep creating goals for me, so that when I reach them I'll be able to love someone back, but I keep failing them, either sabotaging myself, or simply not feeling anything. Sex means nothing to me. I've grown accustomed to being by myself and satisfying myself. I don't truly believe anyone would truly love someone as wretched, as cold, as unattached as me. And I don't mind it.

My friend falls in love so easily. I envy her. I envy many of my friends, and sometimes I refuse to see them because I don't want them to see what a wretched thing I've become. they still love me for some reason I still yet have to understand. Maybe they're blind. Maybe they hold to some hope I don't understand.

I'm going on a trip next month. It's a beautiful place, I've been there before. I'm a bit afraid I won't have a good time, even though forests calm me and frighten me at the same time. I went on a trip with these friends and I couldn't enjoy a little bit of it. I tried my best, but I couldn't. I cried a lot. when I came back, I had to take two days off from work. The last day, I committed myself to a mental health hospital because my desire of killing myself was too high.

after I went to the outside world, I kept crying. sometimes I cry too, these days. A little, or a lot.

I really hope things get better. I've never been on a depressive episode like this. They usually end after a month. This has been going on for many months. Most of the times I don't know what to do with myself. I try to keep to a routine, but the hours pass so slow....and the next day doesn't promise anything good; it's kinda like a lottery.

I don't want to keep living like this for the rest of my life. Nothing I try seems to work. Every day feels like forever, and the best time of the day is when I finally go to sleep. I don't like this one bit. but they keep telling me it's a process, I've gotta toughen up and endure it, it will be okay. But will it? It feels neverending. I have no motivation to draw, to embroider, to work out, to cook, to keep my body healthy. It means nothing. I do my best to endure it, but how long will my resolve stand up? I'm tired. It feels everyday that I shouldn't have been born, that it was all a mistake. I feel so lonely. A fuck won't fix me, a few likes on a piece I worked hard on means nothing.

I keep dreaming I will be saved. That I will go back to my times in highschool, where everything was painful but it still had a glimmer of hope. I drink my 4th beer and nothing feels better. It only serves as a reminder I can't exist in a world like a normal person. Like my friends are. They have it figured out, then why do I not? I'm old enough. I should. It hurts. And yet another day comes. I wish I could stay sleeping for the rest of my life. I'm too much of a coward to kill myself, I keep thinking about my family. About my cats. About some glimmer of hope that eventually will come.

I'm tired. So really tired.

[storytimewithnova]

YOU THINK I AM SPECIAL (I'M NOT)

Heads up this is going to be angsty shoyo is Oikawa's little brother he is Dating Goshiki they are in the same school same year and shoyo is dating Oikawa is dating Semi kunimi and suna are dating two sleepy joes together Song used and always its a pain in the backside findiing female versions

In Volley hoes group chat

Shoyo:🎶I'm not special Who the hell am I to think I'm special?🎶

Kenma:Shoyo are you okay?

Shoyo:🎶I'm not so well Thanks for asking But you probably figured what else is new🎶

Goshiki:Sunshine what are you talking about where is this coming from?

Oikawa:Little bro

Shoyo:🎶I try my best still But if I die, wind up in some mess You'll keep my head filled With the notion that I don't deserve this life that I've built🎶

Kunimi:Who hurt our baby sunshine speak now or die🔪

Suna: his is not joke she is standing her with a knife

Shoyo:🎶I'm not special, special Don't know why I thought I could be someone I'm no one To anyone who knows me I'm a burden, I'm certain The only thing I'm good for is hurtin' the ones I love🎶

Kageyama:….

Kageyama's thoughts(💭 I didn’t mean to tell him that what have i done to him has he held on to this for nearly 2 years)

Shoyo:🎶I wanna be special But I don't know if it's worth all of this stress You don't know my struggle 'Cause I don't tell it If I did, I really don't think you'd be bothered to hear it anyway If I sang a song Would you listen? Or would you tell me that I'm terrible?🎶

Kageyama:….

Kei:Kags do you know something about this

Kenma:Yeah i know you and shoyo have history

Shoyo:🎶If I played along To ease the friction Would you still tell me that I'm terrible?🎶

Tendou:What have you done to my cousin you asshole

Kageyama:….

Shoyo:🎶Oh, I'm not special, special Don't know why I thought I could be someone I'm no one To anyone who knows me🎶

Goshiki:Shoyo that is not true you are loved and you are special to me Oikawa San and to everyone you have met you have touched their life you make a big impact on peoples lives more than you realize

Shoyo:🎶I'm a burden, I'm certain The only thing I'm good for is hurtin' the ones I love But the ones I love They really love me The ones I love They truly know me You drag my name @kags It's kinda funny 'Cause my name Makes you lots of money🎶

Kuroo:What?!

Oikawa:You are using my brother for money

Kageyama:I was at the time its been nearly 2 years i though he had let it go and we started befriends

Semi:2 years you mean you did all this while you started second year is that why he transferred to Shiratorizawa in the end

Kageyama:Yeah basically but honestly i thought he was over it

Shoyo:🎶I guess I'm special, special Who the hell are you to say I'm not special? Oh well Got everybody talking in this hell hole I'm the devil Dante wrote me into his inferno Here we go🎶

Yachi:You knew he was senstive you knew you say one thing to hurt him he will burden it like this you fucked up

Shoyo:🎶Again is this what you came for? You paid for? To watch somebody burn and crumble and stumble Then fumble all my words and let you twist them and listen To all the ugly things you tell me I am I'm tryin' So hard to understand how I'm the master manipulator Who couldn't fool anyone The monster reciprocator Shot no bullets from my gun The drama queen who never seems to get applause from anyone I won't be who you say I am🎶

Kiyoko:Wait when he said he was sick he could of meant it mentally as well as literally

Atsumu:Do you want me to check on him i am close by

Osamu: why are you there

Atsumu: to visit Kawa why else you Div now shut Ya trap this is about Sho kun 😤

Semi:Please Atsumu I would check on him myself for Tooru but i can’t get out of study hall yet wven after the bell jist rang btw my ass of a teacher just said the bell doesn't dismiss you I do like do my bfs brother is in trouble cut me some slack

Atsumu: I got you cover Semi San

Shoyo:🎶If I sang a song Would you listen? Or would you tell me I'm terrible? I won't play along This game is twisted But I think that would make me terrible That would make me-🎶

Shoyo went offline

Atsumu enter shoyo and Tooru's House he looked everywhere the last place was his bedroom when he enter and he saw shoyo Surrounded by pills on the floor looking like he wasn’t breathing he called an anblance then got back on the group chat to Goshiki Oikawa Semi and everyone else

Atsumu:Kawa semi Goshiki you might want to come here its not good

Oikawa:What do you mean Tsumu

Kageyama:?!

Semi:Zip it you

Goshiki:Atsumu san!!

Atsumu:H-h-he’s not breathing

Kenma:Funny joke now say sike

Atsumu: ......

Kenma:Atsumu say sike

Atsumu:Sorry kenma

Kageyama:!!!

Noya:If anything happens to him this is your fault

Kageyama:I know

Semii:Me and Tendou are on our way i am currently driving Goshiki is crying in the back of my car

Bokuto:I'm on my way love can you drive me and Keiji and Kenma

Kuroo: of course i can drive you guys

Kei:Kags what have you done

Kageyama:Something stupid clearly and the gulit has been eating me but i didn’t thing what it was doing to him

Osamu:Kawa how is he please

Oikawa:Holding The exact words were he is in a stable but critical condition The amount he took was lethal But not lethal enough to instantly kill

Iwaizumi:That’s good isn’t it

Oikawa:Oh from what I can understand yes but also no like I said the amount he took was lethal not lethal enough to kill but lethal enough to comatose him To the point where they don’t know if you could wake up

Yachi:Oh god

Oikawa:Goshiki has pacing back and forth he is so on edge understandablely Eita ans Satori is some how clam or they are plotting a murder and don't get me started on Kenma kunimi and shirabu they keep Repeating they are going to make a bitch pay

Bokuakakuro:they are not alone

Suga:Okay Shall we go offline Clam down and wait for an update

Everyone:Yeah honestly We need to calm down

Everyone has gone offline

[thedysphoriadiaries]

Entry 40 - Time - 3 March 2023, 11:24pm

I boot up a Walkman, and play a few songs through it.

It belonged (and still belongs) to my dad, though he doesn't use it anymore.

It plays music through a pair of earpieces, made eleven years after it was.

It still thinks that we're in 2007.

I was four, then. Three years away from going to school. Three years from feeling those unexplainable feelings. Feelings that still plague me to this day.

Sixteen years have passed, and yet the clock points to 2007. I flip over to the date and time set page. It begins at 2007, and ends at 2037.

31 December 2037, 11:59pm, to be exact.

There will come a time when I'll no longer live in a year that this device recognizes, if I make it till then.

I don't know how to feel about it. Some of the more... practical people (such as my ex-partner), would probably tell me, in a brusque manner, albeit saccharinely so, as if to sugarcoat their words (to avoid bruising my weak heart), that the time was off, or that I was overthinking things, or wishing for a time that has long since passed.

Maybe I am doing that. I find myself sitting by the little things. Trinkets, if you will, of my journey on this mortal coil. I wonder what could have been.

I always was a sentimental person.

I still am one.

But I am, because I remember. I must not forget. What value will memories have once they evaporate into the ether?

...

Dad owned a pair of speakers. They crumbled after an accident that involved his fish tank happened - water spilled onto the floor, and got into the speakers, causing them to crumble (they were made of woodchip). They're gone now.

He used to keep fish (guppies, apparently), in a fish tank which used to be where my piano (a Yamaha U1) is. I'd always go up to the fish tank and tap on the glass, and gawk at the fishes swimming about in there.

The sound of the rushing water accompanied me then.

Now, it's deathly quiet, save for the sounds of raised voices, birds, and lost time.

Dad always was an amazing cook, though I never told him.

When his hair was still black, he'd cook for us occasionally, and I remember how he'd cook steak for us, in this solid, cast-iron pan that I still find unbearably heavy. How he manipulated that pan with ease is beyond me.

He doesn't use that pan anymore. His hairs have grown white.

I sit here, typing.

Twenty years on, and still around.

I remember how I wanted to be a scientist. Or a computer programmer, as a kid.

Oh, the irony. Oh... the irony.

It must have been tough, navigating school, life, and those unexplained feelings that came up, all the while being a good sibling to my 'younger' twin brother (I see him as someone to guide, even though I could have been the younger one; I only came out first because my water broke, and my cord was wrapped around my neck, or something. I don't know; parents didn't say much other than that my water broke first).

What I'd give to have those years back again - to go back to a simpler time, when I'd not have to worry about relationships, or dysphoria (if you can even call it that). But no.

Time marches forward, no matter what we do.

I wonder what, or who I'll be in five years.

Will I be a guy? A girl? A person?

Where will I be?

Will I even be around?

I hope future me is looking at this point, recalling it from her memory.

I hope she finds happiness, finally doing the things that she always wanted to, but was never able to due to how she was born.

Yet, I wonder if it will come to pass; what I said about my desire to be a computer scientist never did. What's to say that this will?

What's to say I will be happy?

It's another long day.

It'll be another long one tomorrow.

But I will survive.

[proseinborderland]

I've decided to turn this into a multi-part smut fic. I hope you don't mind. I've had a lot of fun playing around with Kyuma ideas and can see myself writing more of him in the future, especially if there is an interest.

Read the beginning after the break.

Prologue

It was a show like any other, full of energy, cheering, singing, dancing, catharsis, freedom, expressionism, filled with that tangible feeling of transcendence permeated through the air and I indulged in that energy, basking in the praise from my fans. It was one of the only times where I truly felt alive. When I sang, my soul poured out from my mouth into sounds that pleased the ears of others. I loved how they always seemed to want more. 

I could feel her energy as she stood there, dancing in her spot to our music. Singing my own lyrics back to me in a way I'd never seen or felt. It 'felt' as though she understood every minute of emotion behind every song. I felt myself becoming increasingly intrigued by her and tried my best not to give myself away; however, I couldn't help making eye contact with her. Afterall, She was in the front row. 

Once our eyes met, we couldn't stop looking away, quickly looking back, smiling, and looking away again. Rinse and repeat. I was never one to indulge myself in the carnal comforts often offered by my fans and yet there this beautiful creature was, radiating something more than the rest, shining brightly amongst the sea of bodies in the crowd behind her.  

And now here she was in my hotel room.

Part One

“Is this something you do often?” she questioned, as we sat on my hotel bed. 

I shook my head without hesitation, “No, it is not. … although, I won’t lie to you, I am guilty of doing this twice before.”

Her body stilled and her skin flushed. The rise and fall of her chest changed slightly. She averted her eyes to the carpet. I could almost feel her become increasingly more timid as seconds passed and it was then that I knew my candor must have been too forthright for her liking.

I reached out, cradling her face in my hands, as I began to speak to her with slow sincerity. 

“No, no, my dear, please do not mistake me. I want us to enjoy this moment together tonight. I want us to share ourselves with one another and experience all of the pleasures that our bodies can compose. You and I have created a spark that has ignited something strong inside of me, it is full of passion, and that passion is you…” I trailed off and leaned forward, a kiss ghosting over her cheek. 

Though her head was still nestled between my hands, I felt her slowly ease back, just enough to see me, as her eyes re-emerged from the carpet to examine my expression, and then finally meeting my own, which were filled with openness and love.

“Remember when I said I wouldn’t lie? Please trust once more when I vow that I’ve never quite seen nor sensed anyone feel my music the way I witnessed it with you tonight …not even close.”

Involuntarily, her body replied with a sharp intake of air as she gasped and trembled under my touch, causing the blush in her cheeks to deepen. I slowly eased her closer to my face, sensing her yield to my touch, as I brought our lips together in a lingering closed mouth kiss.

“Is this still okay?” I asked

“Yes.” she swallowed, slowly and nodded her head against my own.

Let me know how I'm doing anon! ✨

(Also added to AO3.)

can I request a kyuma x female reader smut please? any scenery or prompt you feel comfortable to write. thank u in advance!!

My first anon request! I'm so excited!

I am honored and would be absolutely delighted to indulge your naughty Kyuma desires! I need to go re-watch his scenes, but I already have a nice, smutty idea that I think you'll love!

***If there is anything else you would like to see (nor not) in fic, please let me know! ***

Coming soon! ^_~

♦ . ♣ . AIB Requests are open. ♠ . ♥ .

• Master post also coming soon!

[divinegrey]

POP ROCKS & PUNCHES PLAYLIST

as you've all noticed, all of the chapters from the PR&P series are titled after imagine dragons songs. so, i've compiled all the songs into a playlist with the lyrics that made me choose them for the title! so, without further ado...

𝕄𝔸𝕀ℕ ℙ𝕃𝔸𝕐𝕃𝕀𝕊𝕋

WRECKED You'd say, "Oh, suck it all up, don't get stuck in the mud Thinkin' of things that you should have done" I'll see you again, my loved one

THUNDER Not a yes-sir, not a follower Fit the box, fit the mold Have a seat in the foyer, take a number I was lightning before the thunder

FOLLOW YOU I will follow you way down wherever you may go I'll follow you way down to your deepest low I'll always be around wherever life takes you You know I'll follow you

FRICTION You can't fight the friction, so, ease it off You can't take the pressure, so, ease it off Don't tell me to be strong, ease it off

BOOMERANG How many tears do we have to cry? How many sleepless, lonely nights? To work it out, is it worth it now? Should we go ahead, or should we turn around?

MOUTH OF THE RIVER I'm self-destructive and self-important And I'm anxious Oh I'm self-assured I'm nervous and I'm pacing, oh I'm pacing

LONELY Oh, love (sometimes, I can get a little) Have mercy (I can get a little lonely) On me (sometimes, I can get a little) And keep me company (I can get a little lonely)

NEXT TO ME Oh, I always let you down You're shattered on the ground Still, I find you there Next to me

SMOKE AND MIRRORS All I believe, is it a dream that comes crashing down on me? All that I hope, is it just smoke and mirrors? I want to believe, whoa But all that I know, is it just smoke and mirrors?

MACHINE 'Cause I've been wondering When you gonna see I'm not for sale I've been questioning When you gonna see I'm not a part of your machine

NOTHING LEFT TO SAY Who knows what's right? The lines keep getting thinner My age has never made me wise But I keep pushing on and on and on and on

IT’S TIME It's time to begin, isn't it? I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit I'm just the same as I was Now, don't you understand that I'm never changing who I am?

ENEMY And the kids in the dark that were doomed from the start The child from the basement, face to the pavement Oh, what a statement, love is embracement Love is a constant, love is the basis He cannot be, she cannot be, they cannot be chained But keep on praying Goodbye

𝕋ℍ𝔼 ℍ𝕆ℕ𝕆ℝ𝔸𝔹𝕃𝔼 𝕄𝔼ℕ𝕋𝕀𝕆ℕ𝕊 these are the songs that were the runner-ups to the actual names i gave each chapter, with the lyrics included. i hope these offer some more insight to rocky and her character <3

BIRDS (alternative to FOLLOW YOU, part 3) Sunsets, sunrises Livin' the dream, watchin' the leaves Changin' the seasons Some nights I think of you Relivin' the past, wishin' it'd last Wishin' and dreamin'

BAD LIAR (alternative to BOOMERANG, part 5) Wish I could erase it Make your heart believe But I'm a bad liar, bad liar Now you know

BULLET IN A GUN (alternative to MOUTH OF THE RIVER, part 6) To make a name you pay the price You give your life no other way The Devil's deal, it comes around

MY LIFE (alternative to LONELY, part 7) I could run from it all but I'd only get lost Oh, I've walked on the bridge that I shouldn't have crossed And I find myself, a user Oh, I wake every day with addictions to feed They all call me a friend but I'll never be freed From the face of a faithless future

AMSTERDAM (alternative to NEXT TO ME, part 8) I'm sorry, lover, I’m sorry, I bring you down Well, these days I try and these days I tend to lie Kinda thought I was a mystery and then I thought I wasn't meant to be

WHATEVER IT TAKES (alternative to MACHINE, part 10) I'm just a product of the system, a catastrophe And yet a masterpiece, and yet I'm half-diseased And when I am deceased At least I go down to the grave and die happily Leave the body and my soul to be a part of thee I do what it takes

DEMONS (alternative to NOTHING LEFT TO SAY, part 11) When your dreams all fail And the ones we hail Are the worst of all And the blood's run stale

I’M SO SORRY (alternative to IT’S TIME, part 12) Life isn't always what you think it'd be Turn your head for one second and the tables turn And I know, I know that I did you wrong But will you trust me when I say that I'll Make it up to you somehow, somehow

[rogue-durin-16]

AN UNUSUAL YEAR (Part IV/V)

Summary: After having little to no interest on girls for five years, Fred suddenly feels the need to nag the shit out of a certain witch, completely oblivious to the reason behind it.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Slytherin!Reader

Genre: fluff (+ enemies to lovers)

Taglist:

An unusual year: @natural-hearts @manuosorioh @lumos-solemn @westyywifee @whiskeyn-rain @warlock--protection @gossip-girl-ecr @fandomscombine @birdy944 @28cnn

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings: none

A/N: BOI IS THIS LOOONG. I knew this part would get a bit out of hand since I wanted to write all of this in the same chapter but still damn. Anyway, enjoy <3

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part V

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

Here's a variety of Yule Ball outfits for y'all 👀:

Outfit 1 outfit 2 outfit 3 outfit 4 outfit 5

"You sure you don't wanna come to the ball?" I asked Mathilda, climbing down the dormitories' stairs.

"No, I'd rather stay..." Her mouth opened in agape when she saw me. "You look... Wow."

"Why, thank you." I replied, walking towards my best friend with a smile. "I'll probably be here before 10:00 pm." I assured her, squeezing her shoulders. "And we can gossip a bit."

"Already looking forward to it." Mathilda patted my hand with a chuckle. "Have fun, will you?"

I nodded and waved her goodbye before leaving the common room.

"Bloody hell, Y/l/n!" George, who as promised, had been waiting for me at the entrance of the dungeons, shamelessly though harmlessly, checked me out. "You clean up nice, huh?"

"Of course I do." I walked to meet him at his spot. "You don't look so bad yourself, Weasley." With his chin up and a proud smile, he offered me his arm, which I gladly took, and we headed off to the Great Hall.

A fairly big crowd had formed at the doors, mostly conformed by people who were waiting for their partner slash group, and some not-so-subtle gossips.

While I intended to go straight into the Hall, George tugged me away from the shortest path, claiming that he wanted to 'have an overall view'.

I reckoned he had something else in mind when we passed by Fred and Angelina, both immersed in their conversation until my friend caught a glimpse of us.

"Damn Y/n!" I held back George, who was playing dumb for some reason, and made my way to the couple. "You look SO good, doesn't she, Fred?" She nudged her partner, giving him a knowing grin.

"I guess you look nice." His nonchalant reply was accompanied with a shrug.

"She looks breathtaking, actually." George's correction left me staring at him speechless. "Just like Angelina."

Oh well. "Yeah" I agreed, clinging onto my partner's forearm, finally getting a vague idea of what was going on —not quite there yet, though. "Angelina, love, you look astonishing, right George?"

"Right." I could see my friend's cheeks reddening ever so slightly whilst making eye contact with George.

"Shall we go in?" I suggested, already heading to the gates.

FRED'S P.O.V

'Breathtaking' was the exact word I was thinking about when Angelina asked me about Y/n, and George knew it.

The girls probably didn't catch how my jaw dropped when I saw her, but my brother did.

He knew it.

"Go with her, yeah?" I requested to Angelina, gesturing at Y/n and at the Great Hall simultaneously. "George, can I have a word with you?"

He nodded and whispered "Go on, ladies." before walking to me. "What is it, Freddie?"

"What's your game?"

"I think I don't follow." The fact that he had the nerve to speak that blantant lie angered me more than I would ever admit.

"Why is she your date?"

"Why is she not your date?" He retorted, triggering a gasp from me, followed by a scoff. "You're not only completely oblivious, you're also a coward."

"Beg your pardon?" Was the only thing I could bring myself to say; I blamed the shock caused by my brother's nonsense.

"AND you stole my date." Oh, so this was about Angelina. "Now if you excuse me," he patted my back a couple times. "I'll go dance all night with MY absolutely breathtaking date."

"Have fun with Slytherin girl, Georgie." I replied, sprinting to reach him. "I'll go dance with our beautiful Angelina."

"Tosser." I could hear him say as I jogged into the Hall to reach the girls.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

George probably wasn't the best dancer, but he clearly knew some moves, and made me want to stay on the dancefloor for a good couple of hours, having a great time.

That's one of the reasons why I decided to help him out.

"Oi!" He leaned on and I stood on my tiptoes, holding onto his forearms so I could speak directly into his ear. "Wanna dance with Angelina?"

"Maybe" He slightly pulled away and both our gazes spotted the girl, dancing madly with Fred. "Yeah! Yeah I do!" He shouted so I could hear him over the music, now that we were apart.

"Alright, come!" I tugged his hand and together we narrowed the already short distance between them and us.

The timing was perfect, almost as if it was meant to be like that; the moment we reached them a slow song started to play.

"Angelina, may I steal your date for a dance?" I requested, not waiting for Angelina's nod before letting go of George and tugging Fred's hand. "You can have mine." I spared my friend a teasing smile and a wink while I pulled her date away from George and her.

"Stealing me away, huh?" Once we were far enough, I spun around and held up one of his hands, his left one falling on my waist and my right one on his shoulder. "Eager to be near me again, Y/l/n?"

"So I'm not 'Slytherin girl' anymore?" I raised my eyebrows at him with a smirk on my face as we swayed.

"You heard that?" All from sudden he turned somehow self-conscious.

"This may come as a shock to you," I peeked over his shoulder to check on George and Angelina. "but you two are quite loud."

"I didn't mean it." His word had way more regret than necessary for something as stupid as what he was sort of apologizing for.

"I know." My eyes returned to his just in time for him to made me twirl and pulling me back to him, this time a bit closer than we were before. "Asking Angelina out was a shitty move." I pointed out.

"You won't believe me," he began, "But I completely forgot." I snorted. "I swear!" His eyes widened and both our mouths twisted into an amused smile. "She was near me when Ron asked me who I'd be taking, and I didn't think twice."

A soft, genuine laugh escaped my lips; one which made the boy in front of me smile.

"Is he pissed?"

"Earlier? Very. Now?" I gestured behind Fred, urging him to look at his twin brother, now kissing Angelina. "I don't think so, no."

This time it was his laugh that made a smile tug the corners of my mouth.

"You do look breathtaking." He spoke quietly, almost in a whisper. "Dunno why I didn't tell you earlier."

"Because you're a twit." He chuckled, shaking his head with his eyes fixed on our feet. "You look very handsome, though."

"I am very handsome." He corrected me, looking at me again, now with that damn smug face.

Out of every possible comeback, I chose the one that he expected the least. "Yes, you are." His cheeks turned mildly red and his grin fluttered; I counted it as a win.

"You're beautiful." He returned the compliment, after a moment of silence, to which I responded with a confident 'I know'. "So cocky."

"That makes the two of us." I pointed out.

Silence fell among us again. Comfortable silence, though, one that I could get used to.

Another twirl, another pull to stand even closer.

A small lean was enough for my head to rest against his chest. I blamed tiredness for the need to do that, but I didn't find anything to blame for the way his heart was pounding against his chest, nor for that strange feeling in my stomach.

As soon as he took a deep breath, we both eased into each other's arms, giving up the tension that our bodies had held.

We stayed like that for a while, until I looked around and realized most people had left, George and Angelina included; the dancefloor was now almost empty.

"I don't know what time is it," I spoke, letting my fingertips trace random patterns over his shoulder, dancing down to his chest.

"Me neither" he spoke, making me sway.

"I reckon this is the longest we've been together without jumping down each other's throats." I observed. "And it's probably the longest—"

My words died when, without any kind of warning, his lips landed on mines.

His right hand unconsciously gripped mine for an instant with such force, almost as if it was holding onto it for dear life.

Before I could even think about kissing him back, he retreated back to his previous position, offering me a smile I couldn't decipher accompanied by a wink that made him look relaxed an confident.

All façade, I thought to my self, as he said nothing —no teasing, no cracking jokes; he just kept slowdancing, his hands now more loose, seeming like he was prepared for me to run away; his gaze was also casted down and his cheeks flushing.

I would have teased him if it wasn't for the way I felt my own face burning.

I did let go of his hold, and he subtly stepped back, lowering his arms.

Just like me, he didn't have time to react when I pulled him down, cupping his cheeks for a proper kiss, which he returned instantly.

I felt both his hands on my hips as he leaned on, drawing me against him as close as he possibly could, while my hands left his cheeks to circle his neck.

All of a sudden I remembered that I needed to breath; I broke away, leading my hands to his shoulders, where I could feel how heavy his breathing was.

"What's just happened?" I mumbled, my eyes fluttering open to look into his.

"Dunno." He confessed. "Did you like it?"

"Very much." I replied instinctively, not bothering on thinking it through.

"Wicked." He muttered against my lips before going in for the third kiss, this one more heated.

With a hand on his chest i slightly pushed him away, scanning the place around us before asking, "Wanna go for a walk around the castle?"

"Please." His response was so immediate that we both had to chuckle at it.

"Wicked." I mocked, earning a playful push from him. I my fingers interlaced with his and I led the way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

FRED'S P. O. V.

"Shhh!" I playfully shushed Y/n's giggles, loosely hugging her from behind with my lips pecking her shoulder as we went downstairs in the direction of her House. "You don't want us to get caught, do you?" I let go of her waist just when we found ourselves halfway through the corridor.

"Merlin's beard—" Y/n, who had turned to face me, widened her eyes at the sight of me under the dim lights of the dungeons. "You're a mess." She whispered between quiet laughs, raising her hands up to my face to try and remove some of the lipstick stains she had left all over me.

"Don't you dare laugh, woman." I feigned pain, only making her giggle more. "You made a mess out of me."

She held my chin and moved my face from side to side, checking if she had made it any better. "What am I supposed to do with your neck?" She huffed.

"Place a couple more kisses there?" I suggested with a smirk, fixing her hair as best as I could. "Or a bite, you choose."

"I'm serious." Her thumb gently rubbed the side of my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

"Let them there for people to see." I was joking. My tone was playful. I didn't really mean it.

It was just a joke, right?

Her hands slid down my chest before leaving my body. "I'd rather not to." She replied absent-minded, making me realize that maybe I wasn't joking; maybe I wanted people to see— to know.

She didn't, though.

"Hey, everything's alright?" She questioned, concern making its way to her face when her eyes found mines.

"Of course." I replied— no, I lied. I lied to her and to myself. "Just tired."

"No wonder why." She laughed at her own innuendo, but the only thing she got out of me was an unenthusiastic half smile. "I'm gonna head back now." She added, probably sensing something wasn't right. "Get some sleep."

"I'll go have a shower." I informed her, stepping back in the stairs' direction without breaking eye contact.

"See you in a couple of hours." She responded, mirroring my moves, but towards her common room.

I nodded briefly before heading up to my own House, craving a cold shower to shake her voice off my mind and detach her touch and kisses from my skin.

[karlajoyner]

Edge of Great (Luke Patterson x Reader)

A/n: Hey guys so this is my first imagine on tumblr. I know it’s pretty long but my fingers just kept typing.🙃 Definitely let me know if I should make shorter ones or longer ones or even a series! Also let me know if you guys have any requests or plots that I could write and for who! Finally finally let me know if you like it in a first reader POV or if i should try a third person POV! Oh and if I should post them in a book on wattpad or keep the content strictly on tumblr!!!😁 (Ps. I’ll most likely be adding a song to every chapter whether it goes with the chapter or not!) Check out my last post for more information on my writing.

Warnings: None

————

I sat in the studio along with my bandmates tuning my guitar. We were currently waiting on Julie to return from school so we could begin to practice for tonight. Her dad got us a gig playing for a couple of her friends to start a following. Which made a lot of sense when Julie explained it to me. Right after Luke sent me into a frenzie of confusion.

"Hey y/n/n you think you could help me with these lyrics for tonight?" Luke called from the couch. I stood up from my comfortable spot on the chair under the loft and flashed myself onto the spot right next to him.

"Sure Lukey" I said taking his writing journal in my own hands and sitting back to scan over the words.

Y/n- I believe, I believe that we're just one dream

I mumbled hearing Luke start to strum on his six string the melody of the song.

Away from who were mean to be that were standing on the edge of

Y/n, L- Something big something crazy our best days are yet unknown that this moment is ours to own

He joined in.

Y/n- Cause we're standing on the edge of great

L- (On the edge of great)

Y/n- Great

L- (On the edge of great)

Y/n- Great

L- (On the edge of great)

Y/n- Cause we're standing on the edge of

We sang to each other back and forth with smiles plastered on our faces.

Y/n, L- Shout shout. C'mon and let it out, out. C'mon and let it out, out. Don't gotta hide it. Let your colors blind their eyes. Be who you are no compromise. Just shout, shout. C'mon and let it out

We paused running out of lyrics. My mind racing searching for the next line.

Y/n- What doesn't kill you makes you feel alive

I sang softly as he leaned in closer with a smirk plastered on his face.

Y/n, L- Ooh-oh. I believe, I believe that we're just one dream. Away from who we're meant to be. That we're standing on the edge of great

We finished out of breath. My smile grew as Alex and Reggie began to clap.

"That was great"

"Yeah we’re gonna rock Julie's garage tonight" Reggie said making it sound less cool than it actually was.

"Definitely" Luke said standing up.

"Thanks for the help boss" He said sending me a smile.

"Anytime" I grinned before turning around to go take my previous seat to finish tuning my guitar.

"I'm gonna go find Julie and let her know we've got the song ready for tonight thanks to our amazing rhythm guitarist"

"Sounds like a plan" Alex said.

"Don't forget to mention how beautiful I am as well" I teased earning a smirk from Luke.

"I never do baby" He winked at me before disappearing. A small laugh escaped my lips before going back to my guitar.

"So" Alex said catching my attention.

"So?" I repeated looking up at the drummer boy.

"So you and Luke?"

"Me and Luke what?"

"You and Luke are like in love each other"

"We are not. Well I'm not. Can't say the same about pretty boy" I said teasingly.

"Yeah sure you're not. Reggie back me up here. Please tell your best friend that she's totally in love with Luke"

"You're totally in love Luke"

"I am not. Reggie your supposed to have my back"

"And I will. Once you admit you have a thing for Luke" He said smirking at me. I glared at the two boys in front of me who weren't as oblivious as I had thought they were.

"Okay so I have a thing for Luke. So what?"

"So you should tell him"

"Why on earth would I do that?"

"So he can admit he's in love with you too"

"And why would he do that when he's clearly not"

"Seriously? Didn't you see the way he was looking at you when you were singing? It looked like Reggie when he sees pizza"

"Pizza?" Reggie perked up excitedly. "There no pizza" Alex said a frown appearing on the bassist face.

"Just because looks at me a certain way does not mean he loves me"

"Really because last time I checked constantly touching each other means you like each other, constantly flirting means you like each other, and when was the last time you wore one of your own shirts" Alex said pointing at my outfit. I sunk back into my seat. He was right about everything down to one of the many shirts Luke had let me have.

"Come on y/n just admit it after we died something more changed with you two. We all see it. Even Reggie sees it and that's saying something"

"Yeah. So it's not like he's ever gonna say anything. So why should I put myself out there to possibly get rejected and heartbroken by my best friend? I mean how do we even know for sure if he's in love with me. Or even likes me for that matter?"

"We don't. Yet" Alex said smirking.

"Oh that's his thinking face. I haven't seen that since 94" Reggie said backing up slightly.

"I think we're in trouble"

It had been a couple hours after Julie had gotten out of school. Yet her or Luke were nowhere to be found. I groaned walking out of the bathroom in the back of the studio.

"Seriously Alex. This is your great idea"

"No my great idea is to have you and Reggie flirt like there's no tomorrow. This is just small details" He said fixing the fit of the flannel on my body. It was Reggie's lucky flannel that took a lot of convincing to get off his body.

"Okay but why'd I have to change my shirt" I said looking down at my own crop top that I hadn't worn in a very long time.

"Because it was Luke's. We need him to think that you don't need his clothes anymore"

"Why did I let you drag me into this?"

"Because deep down you want him to say something about it don't you?"

"Well yeah but-"

"Hey guys!" A familiar voice popped into the garage.

"Luke" I spoke pushing Alex away from me.

"Hey man what happened to practice?" Alex asked casually.

"Julie had some stuff to do after school so I went along. But she's on her way so we should get a few runs in-" His words slowly came to a halt sending me a strange look.

"Isn't that Reggies lucky flannel?"

"Uh yeah. He let me barrow it. For good luck. Here's your shirt back by the way. I don't think I'll need it anymore" I said trying to hand him back the shirt I was wearing previously.

"You know you don't have to give it back. It's yours" His lips simpered.

"I know but Reggie said if I needed to I could just barrow his"

"Oh" was all Luke before taking the shirt out of my hands.

Suddenly the garage door opened and in walked Julie.

"Hey guys" She smiled.

"Ready for tonight?"

"Definitely"

"Flynn's coming over before to help me get ready. Girl time?" Julie asked looking at me.

"I'll be there" I smiled.

"So are we ready to rehearse?"

"Where's Reggie?"

"He went out said he would be back in a bit"

As if on cue the other ghost popped in with a smile on his face.

"Luke" He said his eyes going wide.

"Your back"

"Yeah I am. Who are the flowers for?" Luke asked eyeing the bouquet of roses in his hand.

"They’re for y/n. You know she deserves the best" Reggie said nervously sticking his hand out for me.

"Thanks Reggie" I smiled lightly.

"She also deserves her favorite flowers. Sunflowers in case you were wondering"

"Luke" I scolded him taking the bouquet.

"I think it's a sweet gesture Reggie. Seriously thank you"

"Your welcome" He smiled pulling me into a light hug.

"I think we should rehearse before it gets any later" Alex suggested trying to ease the now very notable tension in the room.

"Sounds good" Julie said awkwardly stepping past Reggie and Luke who were standing a few feet apart. I looked at Alex who gave me a small nod.

"Uh Reggie can you come here for a sec I need your help" I said pulling him away to my guitar stand. I placed strap around my body waiting for the brunette to turn his attention to me.

"Uh sure. Cutie?" He spoke in a questionable tone before looking down at me.

"You need his help with guitar?" Luke asked clearly confused.

"Well yeah"

"But I always help you with guitar" "He offered earlier if I needed help to come to him"

"Yeah. I did that" Reggie said trying to act tough.

"Whatever" Luke scoffed.

I watched as he swung his guitar around his shoulder aggressively. I glanced at Julie who was sending me a confused look so I quickly shrugged my shoulder not knowing what else to do.

It was mere minutes before we were heading out to perform. The tension in the air was now overpowered by excitement.

"I'm so nervous" I said bouncing my leg up and down anxiously.

Suddenly I felt a hand land on it stopping my movements. I looked up to see Luke smiling down at me.

"Don't be nervous your gonna do amazing out there"

"Thanks" I smiled back.

"Yeah. Your always amazing. Did I mention you look beautiful tonight? Wearing my flannel. My lucky flannel" Reggie said with a pestering smile as he swung an arm around my shoulder.

"We get it. It's your flannel" Luke interrupted immediately removing his hand from my leg. I looked at Alex who was stifling a laugh.

"Uh thanks Reg. You look good too"

"Oh I know. And I'm gonna look better singing up there with you. It'll be like old times. You and me. And a microphone"

"You and me. And a microphone" Luke mimicked him. I almost laughed only to be startled by someone walking in.

"Hey guys are you ready?"

"Ready as we'll ever be" I spoke. Julie simply nodded her head walking out.

I stood up pacing around as I heard Julie begin the opening notes on the piano outside.

"Hey your gonna do great out there" Luke said stopping me from walking anymore.

"Thanks. You are too. You and Julie have great chemistry"

"Well yeah. But I think we have great chemistry too" He said taking my hands in his.

I finally looked into his eyes see him staring into mine in. A small smile forming on my face.

"Guys!" Alex called knocking us out of our trance. I panicked immediately flashing outside with Luke. Landing beside Reggie with my guitar at hand. Luke only a few feet away in his own place.

J- I believe

I believe that we're just one dream

Away from who we're meant to be

That we're standing on the edge of

Y/n- Something big, something crazy

Our best days are yet unknown

That this moment is ours to own

I joined in singing into Reggies microphone beaming with excitement. I scanned the crowd seeing smiles on people faces. This is all we ever wanted.

J- Cause we're standing on the edge of great

All- (On the edge of great)

J- Great

All- (On the edge of great)

J- Great

All- (On the edge of great)

J- 'Cause we're standing on the edge of great

L- We all make mistakes

But they're just stepping stones

To take us where we wanna go

It's never straight, no

Luke sang sending me a wink before continuing to sing with Julie.

L,J- Sometimes we gotta lean

Lean on someone else

To get a little help

I giggled as Reggie leaned on me. Back to back. Both of us playing our guitars to the same beat.

J- Until we find our way

I believe

I believe that we're just one dream

Away from who we're meant to be

That we're standing on the edge of

Y/n- Something big, something crazy

Our best days are yet unknown

That this moment is ours to own

J- Cause we're standing on the edge of great

All- (On the edge of great)

J- Great

All- (On the edge of great)

J- Great

All- (On the edge of great)

J- 'Cause we're standing on the edge of...

J- Shout, shout

C'mon and let it out, out

Don't gotta hide it

Let your colors blind their eyes

Be who you are no compromise

My heart rate picked up. The scene from earlier replaying in my head as Julie sang the next lines. Taking a chance I looked in Luke's direction to see him already looking at me with a grin on his face. I smirked walking over to the piano.

J- And Just shout, shout

C'mon and let it out, out

J, Y/n- What doesn't kill you makes you feel alive

Ooh-oh

J- I believe

Julie sang as Luke and I let off a similar guitar riff making me laugh.

I believe that we're just one dream

Away from who we're meant to be

That we're standing on the edge of great

Making my way over to Luke I let out a giggle as I pulled his beanie down slightly messing up his look. Before making my over back to Reggie. I looked back at the brunette to see him grinning from ear to ear.

All- Something big, something crazy

Our best days are yet unknown

That this moment is ours to own

Cause we're standing on the edge of great

(On the edge of great)

J- On the edge of great

All- (Great, on the edge of great) On the edge

All- (Great, on the edge of great)

J- 'Cause we're standing on the edge of...

L- Running from the past

Y/n- Tripping on the now

J- What is lost can be found

It's obvious

Luke, Julie, and I finished singing towards the audience.

Making eye contact with a few kids before flashing out myself back into the garage where Alex and Reggie were already waiting. Adrenaline coursing through our veins as another presence poofed into the room.

"That was amazing!" Luke shouted excitedly.

"I can't believe we just did that. Did you see how pumped they were?" I asked falling back onto the couch besides Reggie.

"Yeah. They loved us!" "Remind me to thank Julie for playing our CD later"

"Tonight it's her garage tomorrow it's- it's clubs, dances, and worldwide tours" Luke said eagerly. Taking the free spot to my left.

"God I wish we could feel like this all the time" I said leaning into Luke.

"Me too y/n/n" He said placing an arm around me. A sudden fake cough erupting from Alex's lips. I looked over to see him staring at me with a look.

"Oh uh- Reggie you were great out there" I complimented the boy sitting up.

"Thanks. You uh- you looked hot" He tried to sound cool but failed miserably.

"You think?"

"Oh yeah- I mean the sweat on your forehead and like the heat and-"

"What are you going on about?" Luke asked confusion plastering itself on his face.

"I think what he means is y/n is attractive. Right Reggie?" Alex asked.

"No, no don't answer for him. Reggie be straight with me do you like y/n or not?" Luke asked standing up.

"Why does it matter if I do or don't?" Reggie questioned standing up as well.

"Because you out of everyone know that I like her so why are you letting her wear your clothes, buying her flowers, and calling her hot. I thought I made it clear she was off limits" Luke said my mouth widening in shock.

"I'm off limits?" I asked looking at him.

"How many people did you make it clear to that I was off limits?" I asked not really wanting an answer I was expecting.

"A few"

"A few? Micheal Brookes?" I asked remembering a guy I began to talk to at the beginning of our senior year who randomly stopped talking to me one day. I watched as his head dipped in a short nod.

"Jacob Miller?" I continued watching his nod once again.

"Grant Dean?" Nod.

"Nick Harper?" Nod.

"Derek Johnson?" Nod.

"Seriously Luke? Your the reason I never had a boyfriend my senior year. To make it worse I died a virgin. You asshole" I shouted standing up. I was fuming at this point. He had no right. And he still did it. My head whipped towards the garage door heading it creak open.

"Hey guys" Julie and Flynn smiled walking it.

"You guys did great out there" Flynn said happily. Julie immediately noticing the tension in the room and the frown upon my lips.

"Are you okay y/n?"

"I don't know why don't you ask Luke?" I spoke before flashing out.

I landed in the only place I could think of. A single tear escaped my eye as I sat on the marquee of the Orpheum. Our dream. His dream. I stared out onto the lit up street of Sunset Boulevard. If he didn't want me seeing anyone he could've said something. For the longest time I wondered why guys were such assholes. It wasn't them. It was Luke. It was always Luke.

"I know your mad" I heard his voice speak from behind me.

"I think I'm beyond mad Luke. How could you?" I asked standing up and turning towards him.

"I came crying to you all those times wondering why guys didn't want me. And-and you made me think that it was all me when it was really you. Telling them to back off. Why? Why would you do this to me?"

"Because-" He was at a loss for words. Looking like a kicked puppy.

"I-I wanted you" He finally spoke up.

"You what?"

"I wanted you" He spoke more confidently.

"I wanted you to myself. I- I every time you came and told me you were talking to someone new it hurt because I know it should've been me who asked you out. Who got the courage to just tell you that I-" He went silent the anger in me evaporating in a matter of seconds.

"That you what?" I asked quietly.

"That I love you. I know I'm late but I can't hold it in anymore. After seeing you and Reggie today I got jealous just like I used to back in high school. I know this'll probably ruin our friendship but I don't want to lose you so I really need you to say something right now before I go insane not hearing your beautiful voice" He finished off finally looking at me. The look in his eyes was as hurt. And I wanted to be mad. But I couldn't be. Not when he just admitted what I had been wanting to hear for so long.

"Your 25 years late. But I think we have an eternity to make up for that" I said his eyebrows flying up in surprise.

"Really?"

"You really think I wanted to wear my own shirt today Patterson? Alex told me that if I kept wearing your clothes I'd only fall deeper in love you" I spoke a smile reaching both our face.

He quickly made his way towards me. Leaning forward until his lips attached themselves onto mine. I giggled as he lifted me in his arms holding me close. Our lips molding perfectly like they were made for each other.

"This isn't real" He whispered putting me down.

"Your mine. God your mine" He mumbled pressing open mouth kisses down my neck before connecting his lips back to mine.

"It's definitely real Lukey"

"I love it when you call me that" He mumbled into my lips.

"Don't get all soft on me now Patterson" I laughed pulling away.

"I'm sorry for what I did before I really am. For making you upset and I'm gonna spend an eternity making it up to you"

"It's okay Luke. It's in the past now. I just would've preferred if you would've not scared away every guy that tried to talk to me"

"I promise I'll never hurt you like that again" He said holding me close by the waist. As I began to suck on his neck to begin leaving a hickey.

"And I promise you won't be a virgin for much longer" He whispered reattaching our lips again.