#i don't want to live in a society that sees a computer with the same amount of 'neurons' as a human brain as equally valuable to a person

[gynandromorph]

regardless of my or your opinion on AI art, saying that artists also make their art by simply viewing a lot of art and then regurgitating a mixture of statistically probable pixels implies that humans learn like machines do, and this isn't even remotely accurate. ignoring the phenomenological and social components of human learning really only stands to dovetail into viewing humans as material goods on the same level as a server farm. psychology has actually been sliding into viewing the brain as computers, and computers as equivalents to the human brain, and it's caused a lot of harm. we can't talk about some psychological phenomena without using Computer Terms to do it because that's the language that was given to them. viewing humans and computers as functionally equal with enough bits to replicate neurons won't humanize robots, it will dehumanize humans. it is advanced as an ideology for that purpose. in the end i see humans viewing art and integrating it into their own ideas for art as valuable because i think that humans don't exist to create a profit for some guy in silicon valley and i think that enriching human lives is good. humans don't "learn" art in order to produce replicas; the art is a byproduct.

[425599167]

Fallout: New Vegas is all about rebuilding society in the Mojave, and the three given factions all attempt to do so by recreating the past. The NCR models itself on the now-destroyed United States, with all the problems involved. Caesar created the Legion in the image of Rome because he believed it could best thrive in the wasteland. Mr. House is arguably the most forward-thinking with his focus on technology and eventual interplanetary travel, but he still rebuilt New Vegas from his nostalgic recollections of the city. Building on the past isn't wrong, the problem is these three factions don't appear to be learning from anything that happened.

NCR characters never directly acknowledge that they're following the example of a society that destroyed itself. Caesar criticizes them for this, believing the republic functioned best while under the quasi-monarchy of Aradesh and Tandi. But Caesar ignores how 1) Rome also fell and 2) he's confronting the same problem as a brain tumor is on the verge of killing him. Even if you treat his tumor, he's still mortal. Caesar was given an education, and his knowledge of strategy and history let him build the Legion, which he then made anti-intellectual and revisionist. The society he created cannot replace him, and will fragment when he dies. House is more contemptuous of the pre-war world, but he still brought it back, and specifically assigned the Omertas with the role of ruthless mobsters who will kill anyone in their way. Apparently he thought that was a good idea.

This extends into the DLCs, too. Elijah plans to use the Sierra Madre to wipe the slate clean and restore the Brotherhood of Steel to their position of unrivaled power, with himself back as Elder. Every day, Joshua Graham feels the pain of being burned. The Think Tank scientists are all stuck in loops, stuck in the past, stuck with their flaws centuries after believing they overcame their humanity. For all my grievances with Lonesome Road, it fits the pattern, as Ulysses saw a new society forming, saw it burn, and couldn't move on. If you let Ulysses live, he has similar criticisms of the NCR, Legion, and House. They're all idealized recreations, like the Vera Keyes hologram. Let go, begin again.

Benny may be a weird mix of dangerous and absurd, but he contrasts the other factions well. He jumped at the chance to join House, fought his tribe's previous leader to make it happen, then planned to take down House, too. House dismisses Benny as not understanding complex technologies due to his tribal upbringing, but he built a computer lab attached to his suite and studies technology as best he can. Benny doesn't want to relive the past, he wants to move forward, he wants something better. You can kill him and take his role, or, when facing certain death at Caesar's hands, he'll explain his vision and ask you to see it through.

After replaying everything, though the other endings have understandable support, I think the Independent route fits the story's themes best, the only one where something definitively new is being built. The Courier isn't remaking anything. Part of this is simply open-ended roleplaying, allowing the player to imagine the character's completed goal. If you choose one of the other three, the Courier can work to correct their faction's flaws and counter the destructive nostalgia affecting them. The Independent ending isn't necessarily the "best" for the Mojave, the Courier's morality and a hundred other decisions determine that, but it is the most compelling conclusion to the story.

[txttletale]

youve previously spoken about i was a teenage exocolonist and its confused politics, and i agree, and now im thinking, how would one revise the story so as to improve them?

i think the game would have to either not be so proudly About Colonialism or would have to revise its story so that the theming actually matches the events. like imaginining that my proposed rewrite aims to 1. make the game's politics coherent while 2. changing as little as possible and 3. keeping the game's intended themes, i think the things that are most dissonant and jarring are:

the game not understanding what colonialism is but wanting to very much assure you that It's Bad

the game not understanding what fascism is but wanting to very much assure you that It's Bad

the game not understanding what capitalism is &c. &c. &c.

the bizarre unexamined eugenicist elements

so let's start on the first thing. you would want to lean much more heavily on the colonists as 'refugees' rather than 'colonists' -- the game treats 'colonizing' a place the exact same way as 'living there', and that kind of sucks (a common problem when using 'Space Colonization' as a 1-1 metaphor for actual colonization). so while we want to keep the weird culty aspects of the colony's society we'll ditch most of the colonial intentionality until the Helios arrives. secondly, we need to have the planet's indigenous people, like, actually present and not secretly hiding away as supercomputers.

so, like, let's keep the Gardeners as artificial life forms dedicated to protecting the ecosystem, but let's make them biotech. let's make them giant, imposing trees that reach up into the sky, with root networks that span the whole planet. then, rather than the colony being colonialist because it straight up doesnt know indigenous people exist (because they're secret computer people), we can make a much more interesting conflict by having the colonists be ignorant (and, as the game progresses, willingly ignorant) of the gardeners' sentience. have the raids start after the colony fells one of the trees (killing a Gardener) to make room for their own expansion, maybe really lean into the nasty parts of the colonial metaphor by having the Gardener's wood be the construction material of the new wing of the colony.

then Lum arrives as part of an intentional colonization project from the Earth we fled, assumes military command as in the current story, and immediately ramps up existing exploitation and destructive enviromental practices. his administration deliberately suppresses information of the Gardeners' sentience and spreads propaganda about them being 'monster trees'. have Lum clearly backed by Earthbound corporate interests, seeing the colony as an excercise in extracting value and using fascist dictatorship (usurping elections and the council with a permanent state of emergency and martial law) as a tool to maximize that value.

instead of defeating Lum at the ballot box, you can remove him in a coup. you can keep the getting-the-councilors-on-side minigame, you can even make it a bloodless coup if you don't want to put revolutionary violence in the game (but considering how much other violence there is in there, including terrorism, genocide, and murder, seems like a strange omission tbqh). and dont make him your fucking tiktoker put the guy in Jail. hes killed people sol.

have Sym still have his humanboo interests but also hint at an internal power struggle within the Gardeners, make it clear that there is a real and thriving culture among these indigenous gigantic environmentally networked tree-ecosystem-people, make his motivations for seeking peace more multifaceted.

then make the peaceful resolution to the whole colonialism issue to integrate the settlers into Gardener society rather than the weird siloed reservation thing going on in the base game. the head of the settlement or an ambassador (probably Dys) gets to go to the big fancy Gardener meetings where they decide things, the settlement gets permission from the Gardeners to farm and expand sustainably and is integrated into the ecosystem rather than neatly separated from it. the excolonists stop being colonists and become citizens of the planet.

as for the capitalism stuff, you can just drop that from marz' character, honestly. or if you want to make it make more sense without having to get into What Capitalism Is (which i think would be outside the mission statement of these proposals), make her thing wanting opulence and excess (it already kind of us, the game just keeps saying 'Capitalism'), have her excited when Lum starts giving people the opportunity to have that, then have her moment of excitement turn sour when she looks into Earth history and realizes how destructive this kind of extraction is in the long term.

and the eugenics--i think the simplest case here while still keeping all the cool genetic mutant character tics is just to make the genetic mutations a random glitch in an artificial womb system the refugees were using to have kids in space. this lets you keep the weird and wacky stuff going on with tangent and dys without raising questions like 'hey isnt this society insanely fucking dystopian'.

that's my in-a-nutshell rewrite of the game. obvsies an actual rewrite would need to change some more in-depth things, but i think off the top of my head these are the changes to the narrative that would make the heavyhanded attempts at political commentary work for me (that said, you could also go the opposite route, stop trying to draw parallels to colonialism and fascism and keep all the weird shit as is. but i think that's less interesting and more like stuff that already exists)

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Also don't think anyone has said this (thats a joke) but like, art styles aside:

The animation, expressions, movement, everything of ATSV is IMPECCABLE.

Like insanely, ridiculously, almost mind bogglingly good.

[This is a MEDIUM length post]

The main strength is the Emotion -

In terms of animation, the range of emotions Miguel is capable of expressing is like... crazy good. Gwen's emotions ARE UNSPEAKABLY IMPRESSIVE.

LIKE...ANIMATING HER FUCKING BREATHING???? AND BLINKS!! AS AN EMOTIONAL CUE. HELLO???!!

And the movie hinges on this - almost every scene has an emotional cue that HAS to hit. Whether is Jess's looks of hesitation or Peter B.'s looks of horror.

And this may seem like the most ridiculous comparison ever made but like...

The Bee Movie and Across the Spider-Verse came out FIFTEEN YEARS APART.

THE BEE MOVIE...THIS MONSTRASITY that has plagued humankind - was made less than two decades from THIS:

The fact that we progressed that far as a society (pun intended) in that short of a time will never not baffle me.

I genuinely cannot name any other animated movie that:

Has multiple styles throughout the duration

Can seamlessly change styles without the viewer immediately noticing (like Gwen returning to her universe)

Show two or more animation styles on screen at the same time (and no, Roger Rabbit and Space Jam don't count - that's half live action lol)

Just off the top of my head - ATSV shows up to three styles in one scene: I'm mainly thinking of the scene that shows Hobie (customized - style 1), Peter B. (standard - style 2), and Miguel (a light stylized - style 3).

It can be brought to four if you want to count Miles/Gwen, though their style isn't visible.

I can think of a couple scenes that genuinely blew me away in terms of animation -

One being Rio's 'What-EVER?!' because of the little stance correction and head bob she does, because it's such a natural thing to do. And it adds so much to an already perfect line.

It's something someone would genuinely do IRL without even noticing.

Another I LOVE is Pavitr and Hobie roughhousing.

Like, I can't yell about these five seconds of animation more.

It's SO fluid it looks like Motion-Capture and I left the theatre googling is any Mo-Cap was used in the movie (and from what I can tell - no, it's all original animation).

The way Pavitr falls to the side and bumps them - This not only being a natural reaction to Hobie and his weight, but it also LOOKS natural. So much so you can see it affect Hobie's model too. The movement has kinetic energy on both models -

Which is AMAZING CONSIDERING THEY'RE ANIMATED ON LIKE FOUR DIFFERENT TIMES.

In this shot alone, there's the guitar, vest, AND Hobie, all of which have their own animation rules. Plus the outline on his guitar AND him. And then there PAVI too, who's running at a higher frame rate, touching and interacting with Hobie.

So much so that Hobie's model nearly wraps himself around Pavi. Pavi's hair is moving, Hobie's guitar is moving, there's movement in the background - and it looks GREAT.

PLUS THE CAMERA IS MOVING AND GOSTLING. IT'S NOT A STATIC SHOT. The models and camera are moving AS IF THEY'RE REAL when they're not.

That's - My..I CAN EVEN COMPUTE THAT.

But by far, I think the range of expression used on Miguel is like... Chef's kiss.

(of course I was gonna trick you into reading another post about Miguel. Uh-huh that's what's about to happen)

Like... are you kidding me?

NAH DEADASS ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????

The whole later half of the movie hinges on Miguel looking buckwild crazy insane and they NAIL that. And like-

Oh my god what the actual fuck

?????????????????????????? I........ I have nothing to add. After that picture......Nah... LMAOOO

(left: actual photo of Moche watching this happen)

But Anyway chile, This movie is like.. genuinely a modern marvel.

If Marvel gave Tim Gunn 4 billion dollars and five years, whatever live-action rendition he would have made would not even compare to ATSV on any conceivable level - that's how good it is so jot that down.

And like...don't even get me started on Hobie..his design..his representation...girl I will start crying in this Arby's do not play with me

I just felt that needed to be said.

you get what I'm saying yall know what I mean iight coo

Here's a picture of Hobie to cleanse your palette.

Bye.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: hello! thank you for running this blog. i hope your vacation was well-spent!

i am an enfp in the third year of my engineering degree. i had initially wanted to do literature and become an author. however, due to the job security associated with this field, my parents got me to do computer science, specialising in artificial intelligence. i did think it was the end of my life at the time, but eventually convinced myself otherwise. after all, i could still continue reading and writing as hobbies.

now, three years in, i am having the same thoughts again. i've been feeling disillusioned from the whole gen-ai thing due to art theft issues and people using it to bypass - dare i say, outsource - creative work. also, the environmental impact of this technology is astounding. yet, every instructor tells us to use ai to get information that could easily be looked up in textbooks or google. what makes it worse is that i recently lost an essay competition to a guy who i know for a fact used chatgpt.

i can't help feeling that by working in this industry, i am becoming a part of the problem. at the same time, i feel like a conservative old person who is rejecting modern technology and griping about 'the good old days'.

another thing is that college work is just so all-consuming and tiring that i've barely read or written anything non-academic in the past few years. quitting my job and becoming a writer a few years down the road is seeming more and more like a doomed possibility.

i've been trying to do what i can at my level. i write articles about ethical considerations in ai for the college newsletter. i am in a technical events club, and am planning out an artificial intelligence introductory workshop for juniors where i will include these topics, if approved by the superiors.

from what i've read on your blog, it doesn't seem like you have a very high opinion of ai, either, but i've only seen you address it in terms of writing. i'd like to know, are there any ai applications that you find beneficial? i think that now that i am here, i could try to make a difference by working on projects that actually help people, rather than use some chatgpt api to do the same things, repackaged. i just felt like i need the perspective of someone who thinks differently than all those around me. not in a 'feed my tunnel-vision' way, but in a 'tell me i'm not stupid' way.

----------------------

It's kind of interesting (in the "isn't life whacky?" sort of way) you chose the one field that has the potential to decimate the field that you actually wanted to be in. I certainly understand your inner conflict and I'll give you my personal views, but I don't know how much they will help your decision making.

I'm of course concerned about the ramifications on writing not just because I'm a writer but because, from the perspective of education and personal growth, I understand the enormous value of writing skills. Learning to write analytically is challenging. I've witnessed many people meet that challenge bravely, and in the process, they became much more intelligent and thoughtful human beings, better able to contribute positively to society. So, it pains me to see the attitude of "don't have to learn it cuz the machine does it". However, writing doesn't encompass my full view on AI.

I wouldn't necessarily stereotype people who are against new technology as "old and conservative", though some of them are. My parents taught me to be an early adopter of new tech, but it doesn't mean I don't have reservations about it. I think, psychologically, the main reason people resist is because of the real threat it poses. Historically, we like to gloss over the real human suffering that results from technological advancement. But it is a reasonable and legitimate response to resist something that threatens your livelihood and even your very existence.

For example, it is already difficult enough to make a living in the arts, and AI just might make it impossible. Even if you do come up with something genuinely creative and valuable, how are you going to make a living with it? As soon as creative products are digitized, they just get scraped up, regurgitated, and disseminated to the masses with no credit or compensation given to the original creator. It's cannibalism. Cannibalism isn't sustainable.

I wonder if people can seriously imagine a society where human creativity in the arts has been made obsolete and people only have exposure to AI creation. There are plenty of people who don't fully grasp the value of human creativity, so they wouldn't mind it, but I would personally consider it to be a kind of hell.

I occasionally mention that my true passion is researching "meaning" and how people come to imbue their life with a sense of meaning. Creativity has a major role to play in 1) almost everything that makes life/living feel worthwhile, 2) generating a culture that is worth honoring and preserving, and 3) building a society that is worthy of devoting our efforts to.

Living in a capitalist society that treats people as mere tools of productivity and treats education as a mere means to a paycheck already robs us of so much meaning. In many ways, AI is a logical result of that mindset, of trying to "extract" whatever value humans have left to offer, until we are nothing but empty shells.

I don't think it's a coincidence that AI comes out of a society that devalues humanity to the point where a troubling portion of the population suffers marginalization, mental disorder, and/or feels existentially empty. Many of the arguments I've heard from AI proponents about how it can improve life sound to me like they're actually going to accelerate spiritual starvation.

Existential concerns are serious enough, before we even get to the environmental concerns. For me, environment is the biggest reason to be suspicious of AI and its true cost. I think too many people are unaware of the environmental impact of computing and networking in general, let alone running AI systems. I recently read about how much energy it takes to store all the forgotten chats, memes, and posts on social media. AI ramps up carbon emissions dramatically and wastes an already dwindling supply of fresh water.

Can we really afford a mass experiment with AI at a time when we are already hurtling toward climate catastrophe? When you think about how much AI is used for trivial entertainment or pointless busywork, it doesn't seem worth the environmental cost. I care about this enough that I try to reduce my digital footprint. But I'm just one person and most of the population is trending the other way.

With respect to integrating AI into personal life or everyday living, I struggle to see the value, often because those who might benefit the most are the ones who don't have access. Yes, I've seen some people have success with using AI to plan and organize, but I also always secretly wonder at how their life got to the point of needing that much outside help. Sure, AI may help with certain disadvantages such as learning or physical disabilities, but this segment of the population is usually the last to reap the benefits of technology.

More often than not, I see people using AI to lie, cheat, steal, and protect their own privilege. It's particularly sad for me to see people lying to themselves, e.g., believing that they're smart for using AI when they're actually making themselves stupider, or thinking that an AI companion can replace real human relationship.

I continue to believe that releasing AI into the wild, without developing proper safeguards, was the biggest mistake made so far. The revolts at OpenAI prove, once again, that companies cannot be trusted to regulate themselves. Tech companies need a constant stream of data to feed the beast and they're willing to sacrifice our well-being to do it. It seems the only thing we can do as individuals is stop offering up our data, but that's not going to happen en masse.

Even though you're aware of these issues, I want to mention them for those who aren't, and for the sake of emphasizing just how important it is to regulate AI and limit its use to the things that are most likely to produce a benefit to humanity, in terms of actually improving quality of human life in concrete terms.

In my opinion, the most worthwhile place to use AI is medicine and medical research. For example, aggregating and analyzing information for doctors, assisting surgeons with difficult procedures, and coming up with new possibilities for vaccines, treatments, and cures is where I'd like to see AI shine. I'd also love to see AI applied to:

scientific research, to help scientists sort, manage, and process huge amounts of information

educational resources, to help learners find quality information more efficiently, rather than feeding them misinformation

engineering and design, to build more sustainable infrastructure

space exploration, to find better ways of traveling through space or surviving on other planets

statistical analysis, to help policymakers take a more objective look at whether solutions are actually working as intended, as opposed to being blinded by wishful thinking, bias, hubris, or ideology (I recognize this point is controversial since AI can be biased as well)

Even though you work in the field, you're still only one person, so you don't have that much more power than anyone else to change its direction. There's no putting the worms back in the can at this point. I agree with you that, for the sake of your well-being, staying in the field means choosing your work carefully. However, if you want to work for an organization that doesn't sacrifice people at the altar of profit, it might be slim pickings and the pay might not be great. Staying true to your values can be costly too.

[red-hibiscus]

BL characters I relate to most as a mentally ill gay trans man

Daisy from SCOY

Surprising no one, I, a trans person, relate to Daisy. They're outgoing and seemingly don't care about how people view them. They know they're visibly queer and they normally don't mind it (from what I see). But at the end of the day, society does affect them. They're hesitant to believe Touch genuinely cares and is attracted to them despite Touch being an absolute green flag who is very direct with his flirting. Even after, Daisy was worried about people would view their relationship with Touch and tried to become Day, a more masculine version of themself. Impossible of course and they broke down emotionally exhausted. I feel that so much because I also don't believe it when people, especially cis gay men, are attracted to me. I've caught myself trying to change my behavior to be more masculine (as I'm a bit on the nonbinary side of things). It's bad, but I know how Daisy feels.

Wang from 180 Degree Longtitude Passes Through Us

As a 26 year old trans gay immigrant in a country that doesn't want me, I have a shit ton of pent up anger that has been building up since I was a child. I've calmed down over the years, but I can still be stubborn and argumentative when it comes to politics and human rights. I'm also a linguistics major, thus an academic.

Wang is so much like myself and like a lot of people around me. Like me and Wang would be close friends irl I know it. We're young and stubborn. We're angry at the older conservative people around us, too much sometimes. So he lashes out. Many of his points are correct, but they're not hitting. Partially because the people he's talking to don't want to change, partially because he himself is stubborn. People like us yearn to be free, to be ourselves and to learn. Wang has a passion for the humanities like myself. Yet he knows society really only cares about STEM fields. I've compromised and am getting a master's in computational linguistics. Even though really I just wanna learn as much as I can about sociolinguistics.

Karl from Gaya Sa Pelikula

I haven't watched GSP in a hot minute, but I do remember feeling very seen.

So in the show Karl has his gay awakening, tries to internally and externally deny it, and eventually let himself be free to feel everything and be himself (at least in private).

Now I didn't have a gay awakening, but I guess you could say a trans awakening. In middle school I felt different, I suspected maybe some flavor of LGBT, but wasn't sure and I was too afraid to think about it too hard. Come high school I secretly wanted to join the LGBT club, but was afraid. Then I was essentially adopted into the LGBT club and dragged into the friend group during lunch because I was a loner like everyone else. At the time still "identified" as a cishet woman. As time went on people started to suspect. "Why are you in the club?", "why did you cut your hair", "why do you dress like that?", "your voice is low for a girl haha", etc. Much like Karl, I was not ready for any of that. I was still struggling to make sense of it all and come to terms with it myself. So I kept rejecting it and every time it hurt.

I kept rejecting it until I couldn't. Until someone I resonated with so much came out as trans and it clicked. My trans awakening was complete. I became able to be more myself, but only in private safe spaces. I wouldn't come out and live as a man until after high school and it was terrifying.

Adachi from Cherry Magic

I've only watched the jpn ver, but I'm sure that character remains the same.

I'm anxious and used to be quite shy. Now I'm just awkward. I'm really bad at seeing the good in myself cause I feel like I'm wandering around aimlessly in life. Not that impressive. So when people compliment me I think "haha they're just being nice" (refer back to me never believing people are actually attracted to me).

Adachi is the exact same. He has the same routine every day. Just going through the motions and not really thinking anything of himself. But then Kurosawa comes along and the ability to read minds. Adachi then realizes "wait, someone I respect so much actually loves me? And thinks I have a lot of good qualities? Makes me wanna cry." And me too Adachi. I'd be the same.

Jared from 7 Days Before Valentine

Jared, my precious baby, is described throughout the show as kind, but weird and different. We later learn that he has dyslexia, and honestly he seems to be somewhere on the autism spectrum. Even if he isn't, he has a behavioral difference people pick up on and then shun him for it.

I too was seen as kinda weird growing up. Maybe it was the autism, maybe it was the social anxiety. Probably both. And then of course there was the gnawing feeling that I was different than everyone else and it turns out it's because I'm trans.

So when Jared said that people didn't talk to him because he wasn't like other people it hit me so hard.

Myungha from Love For Love's Sake

The whole show is sad yet cathartic for me. Myungha is depressed yet spends his time comforting others. He has a hard time loving and receiving love. If you give him a fictional character who is very similar to him he will love them and see all the good, but he doesn't see it in himself. Relatable as hell.

I have an incredibly hard time being honest with my emotions and letting people love me and express attraction. Mostly in a romantic/sexual context. Dpdr is cockblocking me. So dating is hell, but I'm lonely and yearn to not be.

Probably if you put me in a situation like Myungha I'd also go "yep, that right there is my blorbo" and then not realize that all the things I like about the person and make me care about them are things I have.

Honorable mentions:

Both Akk and Ayan from The Eclipse

Nozue from Old Fashion Cupcake

Oh-Aew from I Told Sunset About You

Cher from A Boss and a Babe (I headcannon him as autistic)

Amber from DNA Says Love You

Uea from Bed Friend

Mitsuomi from Restart After Come Back Home

Jao from SCOY

Maybe I'll make another post for those later

[zerofuckingwaste]

I see a lot of people- and I mean a LOT of people- criticizing AI and its use in creative fields. Which, yes. More of that please.

But I'm unnerved that I see even more people criticizing its use in labor that is, to put it simply, unskilled drudgery. Things that can indeed be simplified to a limited algorithm, making human jobs pointless. The argument is that AI is taking jobs from people, taking their livelihoods...

Three things:

We should be able to automate the drudgery, so that we may pursue artistic and other more fun endeavors instead. Moving closer to a society that doesn't require people to work those jobs means that we as a society can begin to dedicate our time to things we actually want to do.

As time moves forward, certain jobs are made irrelevant, and that's often for the better. Yes, there are jobs that are a lot rarer now because of the advancement in technology that we look wistfully on as awesome relics- blacksmith, groom, and the like- but I'm talking about the jobs like, phone operators, human computers, lamplighter. Jobs that don't NEED to exist, because technology can do it better, faster, cheaper. Are those folks screwed? No- they've developed skills that can be applied to numerous other jobs. Let jobs that don't need to exist be automated, so the people in those roles can pursue better things- to make everyone's lives better, and easier.

That's the same argument bigots use when talking about illegal immigrants- that they're taking our jobs. Do you really want to continue that rhetoric?

The only legitimate argument I've heard is that AI uses up insane resources, which, oh my GOD, it's horrible. But computers used to be the size of my house, and now I carry one in my pocket. It takes time, but not long from now, I'm sure it will be made more efficient. That takes research, support, and MONEY.

If the people in charge of these AI things don't think that they can essentially revamp labor with their work in a way that is profitable, they have no incentive to make it more efficient. Make it clear that you WANT AI to be used for purposes that better humanity, but that it needs to be more efficient to be justified in doing so. Make it clear that you want to be able to pursue your passions in a way that is profitable to you, and AI that supports that endeavor will only lead to good things.

Tl;Dr: AI is not morally aligned, positively or negatively. It's not ethical, it's not unethical. It's about how it's used, who's using it, and how its use impacts the world. Get your head on straight, and advocate for its use in a way that helps you.

[dark-overlord-of-rainbows]

Drawn Sept 4 2024 Initially sketched this on my laptop (computer had broke at the time (coming back before posting, I no longer have a laptop now :/)) and then painted over it so this one was a different process Again I didn't try anything else for the design and I'll flesh it out and fix parts I don't like later but I need to work on actually writing my stories and admittedly (as of writing) I'm kinda rushing through my drawings because I have. way too many ideas.

Anyway, you guys got to see it a little before now, but this character is Kitty!

Painted blue & green (and there might be purple too?) on 🐾s face because Kitty is in fact dead, and has been a while Also why meow has no torso/artificial parts instead. Kitty's missing most of it's chest, it's right shoulder, and down to a little bit of each leg Kitty jokes that 🐱 skipped top and bottom surgery and just went and did it all at once

For the little drawings on the right, Kitty at minimum height/Suchai in heels is 5'0"/152cm, and I dunno what measurement exactly Kitty is at full height but without measuring I feel like that's easily 8-9 feet/2.4-2.7m there. Arguably new tallest of mine- although Kitty would struggle to stand straight like that, it would just flop over. Anyway Kitty often changes heights, usually ranging from that 5'0"/152cm to 5'9"/175cm

I like the idea of a character who - because they died so long ago - deciding that they can do whatever and break any "rules" they want. Kitty's still figuring out what actually IS a rule in current-day society but it has decided to use it/its and cat based neos because what are you gonna do??? Tell Kitty cat can't do that? They said a lot of things about death too and look at 🐈 now!

Some more assorted facts: Kitty's texts are nigh-incomprehensible and nya pulls the same shit in it's bad handwriting too (related: both Kitty and Pitchaya have bad handwriting, but Kitty's - if it wrote normally - is only kinda hard to read. Pitchaya's is near completely unreadable, he struggles to hold a pencil). Constantly standing on tables and counters. Has broken some. Kitty owns an RV (somehow) it's where this found family's been living Kitty died the literal day before meow's 17th birthday, and uses (or at least attempts to use) that fact constantly

[phillyfoodproject]

Third Spaces: Community Gardens, Community Fridges, Oh My!

Do you have a hobby that isn't doom-scrolling for hours on end? Do you have a place that isn't work or school where you spend time with others? Do you know your neighbors?

There is a lot of talk online about the lack of third spaces (or maybe that's just my corner of the internet). The TL;DR is that, once upon a time, there were places where you could go out for free, or at least for cheap, and socialize. Your first space is your home, and your second is your job. The illusive third space can be summed up as the "community space".

Picture the spots teens hang out at in media based in the 50's: drive-in movie theaters, diners, libraries, soda fountains, bowling alleys. Or, in the 80's: malls, arcades, roller skating rinks. What is the equivalent to that now? Well, many would argue that that space now is the internet. I'm not intending to put on the rose-colored glasses to a past that I was not around for, but it is hard to not recognize that these spaces do not exist in the same way anymore.

When we talk about community, it sometimes feels like something abstract, something intangible.

What are we left with if we don't have that feeling of belonging within our neighborhood?

Neoliberalism prescribes that we imagine each part of our lives in cost-benefit terms, competing in our own personal lives against our peers. It's responsible for the idea that one cannot win without someone else losing. We become deeply individualistic, conditioned to believe that all facets of life are part of some zero-sum game. We are poisoned and poised to oppose the funding of social benefits; "Why should I pay more in taxes to fund other peoples' poor decisions?" We become alienated from each other.

But it doesn't have to be this way. Neighborhoods across the country and throughout Philadelphia are privy to the importance of community and solidarity. Community gardens are not just about farming. They are a third space where neighbors can gather and share wisdom with each other. The youth can be educated about where food comes from, but also about the history of where they live.

A community fridge may operate by itself, but more often than not, it is part of a mutual aid network. Volunteers are needed to maintain the fridges, people must regularly ensure that the fridges are clean and full. Maybe they even dialogue with a nearby community farm/garden to keep fresh, local produce stocked.

We are given one life. Most people like to think of themselves as good and kind. What you put into your community has a lasting impact. If you remain alienated from your community, that is your choice. But these community spaces did not magically appear, they are built of love and labor. Hopefully these musings resonate with you; create the type of world that you want to live in. Build the community you want to see.

References:

Aquizoncolquitt. (2023, November 1). Third places: What are they and why are they important to American culture? | English Language Institute. https://esl.uchicago.edu/2023/11/01/third-places-what-are-they-and-why-are-they-important-to-american-culture/

Marx, K. (1884). Estranged labor. In Economic and philosophic manuscripts of 1844. https://www.marxists.org/archive/marx/works/1844/manuscripts/labour.htm

Oldenburg, R. (n.d.). Our vanishing “Third places.” In Planning Commissioners Journal: Vol. Number 25. https://plannersweb.com/wp-content/uploads/1997/01/184.pdf

Soukup, C. (2006). Computer-mediated communication as a virtual third place: building Oldenburg’s great good places on the world wide web. New Media & Society, 8(3), 421–440. https://doi.org/10.1177/1461444806061953

[babbletaels]

For some reason I'm kinda obsessed with Wish so here's some theories for you guys.

Magnifico didn't think that Ashas grandfathers wish was dangerous, nor did he not want to grant it due to it not benefitting him. It's a possibility that Magnifico actually just can't grant it.

Every single wish that Magnifico grants in Wish is a wish that has to do with a talent. I know we see a guy with super long hair and Asha sings about going to space and stuff, but I don't think Magnifico can actually grant wishes.

I think Magnifico can give people talents.

This is why he asks Asha about her talent with drawing, and it's why he suggests to her "imagine if someone would wish to be the best apprentice ever" (or whatever, I watched it in my language not english) because he can give her magical powers so she could be his apprentice. He didn't grant someones wish to be the best seamstress, he just gave her the talent to sow. And he gave Simon talents that a knight would have, to grant his wish to be a knight. At the same time he most probably employed both of them in their dream professions.

Since Ashas grandpa didn't wish to be good at something, he didn't wish to be good at playing the guitar but rather he wished he could do something to inspire the next generation, that means magnifico can't grant it. Magnifico can't just poof you wherever you want to be, he can only give you a talent. Think of it like this: what's your dream? Maybe your dream is to be an artist full time, but you're poor and can barely afford to buy paint so you have to work instead. If someone gave you a shitload of money, you would be able to stop working and focus entirely on your dream. That's kinda equal to what magnifico is doing, except everyone in Rosas lives there for free (he doesn't even charge them rent, you guys) so it's more like you have a dream to be idk a great singer but you don't want to go to singing lessons so he can give you a great singing voice. He can give you a talent or enhance your talent. But also he doesn't want you to know this, because then people wouldn't actually wish what they actually desired deep in their heart. A shallow wish isn't as good as your hearts deepest wish obviously.

Kinda lame to only be able to enhance someones already inherent talent though, right? Well you forgot something. Maybe that's why everyone who gives Magnifico their wish forgets what the wish even was. Now they can't pursue the dream on their own, maybe he even took their talent altogether. Now you can't sing or paint anymore. If we say you're an aspiring artist but you can't afford paint, and you get a job but you still can't afford paint or a computer or anything at all, that is actually kinda like society stealing your talent from you. Maybe you even give up on your dream and forget it was ever there, and just hope that one day you will magically feel fulfilled in life. That's kind of like how the people of Rosas feel, they have no ability to actually pursue their dreams other than sitting around and hoping Magnifico will grant their wish one day.

Something that bothered me in the movie is that Asha doesn't actually have a wish, she doesn't seem that into the idea of magic and the only thing we see her doing is obsess over her grandfathers wish being granted. But I have another theory for you!

Ashas wish was for her father to get better, to not be sick anymore. But he died, so her wish was crushed. Ever since then, she has been obsessed with helping others make their dreams come true, that's why she thinks it's unfair that not everyone can get their wish granted, because hers wasn't. That's why she especially wants her grandfathers wish to be granted, because he reminds her of her dad.

So when Asha sings "I want something more for us than this", her great wish that is granted by a star... What she is actually wishing is that everyones wishes could be granted. She wants something more for them than this is a really bad way of phrasing it and extremely vague, and maybe they could've shown why Asha is so disturbed by the wishes not being granted before showing us her wish that is so great that a star comes down from the sky. Her wish is vague because maybe she doesn't really know what she wants either since her true wish was crushed.

See, this movie is starting to make a little bit more sense now, isn't it?

Okay one last theory. This one is a bit more speculative. But on the topic of crushing someones dreams..

Magnificos wish was to get his family back.

Maybe once upon a time, Magnifico saw someone who claimed they had gotten a wish granted by wishing at a star. Magnifico wasn't a magician when he was younger. Then his family died, and Magnifico wished at the stars to get them back, and it didn't work. He was still just a kid, an orphan, and he started learning magic in order to grant his own wish, not realizing that it was impossible to grant such a wish. His dreams/wish was crushed when he realized, but he realized he could grant other peoples wishes, and then realized that something about having another persons wish made him feel.. more whole? Maybe that's why he started hoarding peoples wishes. And he IS keeping them safe from being crushed.. and he IS taking peoples worries away. Imagine your greatest wish, your dream in life, being something that actually can't ever be fulfilled, like maybe your big dream that makes you who you are is that, like Asha, your father was still alive. That would hurt. And Magnifico can make you forget about that being your wish. Magnifico likes having control over the wishes because he didn't have control over his own wish.

So the conflict in this movie is between two people who went through the same thing, but have different opinions on how to fix the situation. Magnifico wants to keep the wishes safe and the people happy in blissful ignorance because he couldn't grant his own wish of getting his family back, while Asha's loss of her father caused her to want everyone to have a chance to get their wishes granted. Wait let me make it clearer. Magnifico thinks it's better if people don't experience grief at all, even if it means they will never achieve their dream. Asha believes grief is worth it just to have a chance at achieving your dreams.

Idk. Anyway that's all I had for you today

No wait.

Let's talk about you being a star... What does that even mean? Well, you wish upon a star and your dreams come true. You're a star means you can make your dreams come true. Only a star can fulfill your wish and you are one. It's entirely a metaphor. Though it is a metaphor with.... very dire consequences for the lore. Like so is everyone born from a wish? Did someone wish to have a child and a star had to come down to earth and be born as a child, and that's how people became stars? I don't know. What if.. A star that stays on earth for too long simply turns into a human? Idk this metaphor should've kinda stayed a metaphor but it didn't so here we are....

Wait if only a star can grant wishes does that mean Magnifico is a star? When you take a wish away from a human does that turn them into fully a human? if you're a star so you can fulfill your own wish, why did a star respond when Asha wished? Is Asha not a star anymore because her wish was destroyed?

Ok now I'm done.

Wait also if everyones deepest wish is a star that's why when people die in disney movies they become stars, that's pretty neat

Ok I'm gonna stop now

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s7 ep9: Flesh and Blood

This is a two parter they aired as one double length episode, but honestly I think it could have been a regular length episode. It didn't feel particularly special or epic, and there was a lot meandering around the same points over and over, which could have easily been condensed. I'm tired of having so many Doctor-centric episodes so close together- they've been focused on him so much that I started to forget that some of the other characters even existed. I was actually taken by surprise when Chakotay appeared on screen in this one- I literally thought 'oh, he's a Voyager character too! That's right! I forgot about him!' And that's not good!!

Even beyond my dislike of the Doctor as a character, I'm not super into episodes that debate hologram rights, since artificial lifeforms personhood was already established in the Next Gen episode 'The Measure of a Man', and also because I just don't think they should be making sentient holograms in the first place. AI is just not something humanity needs to create in real life, and I'm not into it in fiction either. Sentient computers are totally unneccessary, they will always end up killing us, it's never gonna be good! Didn't anybody read Frankenstein?! Obviously the Hirogen didnt, because they used the holodeck technology Voyager gave them in 'The Killing Game' to create holographic prey that learns and adapts, which ends up turning on them, and killing them instead.

While I do appreciate that they made an attempt to have some continuity from The Killing Game', I think it's kind of negated by not tying it back to that story's theme of the forward thinking Hirogen trying to change their way of life for the better. It would have been more interesting to see what effect the concept of simulated hunts had on their society, rather than just having them program the holograms to be too smart, so now they're killing everybody. Since these are different Hirogen than we met in Killing Game, that implies all the Hirogen just embraced the holographic hunts easily, which seems unlikely, but ok. I'd honestly have rather had a story fleshing out the Hirogen culture as more than just bloodthirsty hunters (with no women apparently???), since they're very one dimensional when that's all we see of them.

But once again, it ends up being a Doctor story, since the rogue holograms kidnap him and try to recruit him to their cause of hologram liberation. They say they only want to find a planet of their own to live in peace, and they try to convince the Doctor to join them. It seems to work, because the Doctor is swayed enough to betray Voyager to help them, even though he knows they've killed lots of people, and altered his program so he would experience what they did in the hunts in an attempt to gain his sympathy. If holograms really are as much real people as flesh and blood people, then messing with their minds without their consent should be no-no, but I guess the Doctor is cool with people who violate his rights as long as they're holograms too. But this is apparently not a red flag for him, since he decides to go live with the holograms when they reach the planet. (Wtf?? He's that easily persuaded to leave Voyager? I guess it's not the first time though- I honestly wish he would just leave for good if he hates them all that much- I wouldn't miss him!)

They end up kidnapping B'Elanna too, so she can help them set up a new holo-emitter they need to live outside of their ship. She's obviously not happy about it, but she strikes up a friendship with the hologram's engineer, Kejal, who seems much more reasonable than their increasingly fanatical leader, Iden, whom the Doctor has become friendly with.

At first, Iden seems reasonable, but he gradually slides into thinking he's a god. (Once they start inventing patriarchal religion, you know bad shit is gonna go down!!) The Doctor finally realizes that Iden's a little crazy when he says he doesn't want any organic art forms in their hologram society- and tbh, I think realizing that Iden hates opera, and won't want to hear him sing ever, is the real reason the Doctor decides to go back to Voyager again, lmao. But then Iden starts attacking ships, stealing their holograms, and killing their crews for no reason, and the scales finally fall from the Doctor's eyes, and he agrees to help stop him.

Voyager had been tracking the Hirogen ship that was tracking the cloaked holograms, and with their help, and that of Kejal, they manage to disable the holograms after Iden decides to hunt the Hirogen for sport like they did to him. They rescue B'Elanna and the Doctor, and the Hirogen engineer Voyager rescued decides to join forces with Kejal, to reprogram the rest of the holograms so they won't be vicious killers anymore, in the hopes they will finally live in peace.

Once again, the Doctor gets no consequences for his actions, despite having quite literally betrayed Voyager by giving the holograms information that allowed them to disable and almost destroy the ship. By going along with them for so long, it led to the deaths of a transport ship crew, and a dozen more Hirogen. Janeway says it's okay though, because he's just doing what he believed was right, and she has to treat him like a real person- but even if he were a real person, his actions are still very much not okay!!! Tom did what he thought was right without her persmission once, and she threw him in the brig for a month! Harry got in trouble for having sex with someone without asking permission! But the Doctor put Voyager in danger, got people kidnapped and killed, and he gets no punishment?? What??? I guess rules are for the rest of the crew, but Seven and the Doctor are so special that they're above the law and get to do whatever they want! Ok, fine, whatever, Seven and the Doctor are always right and everyone else is always wrong, got it! *eyeroll*

Once again, we wasted not one, but two whole episodes on the Doctor, who learned nothing, and will not be a better person for it going forward. Despite the extra long run time, the plot still felt kind of jumbled and hard to follow, and the scenes with the Doctor and the holograms felt repetitive and tiresome.

Tl;dr: Yet another pointless Doctor episode that didn't have anything new or interesting to say, and failed to give him any real character growth yet again. Could have easily been a shorter episode, or better yet, a different storyline all together.

[plepay]

THE GREAT LEAP FORWARD WAS A "WAVE VIRUS" OF UNCHECKED PATTERN BLOOD IS THE ANTINODE ERECTUS OUTBREAK IN CHINA. IF THEY DON'T FUCKING ACTUALY FUCKING FUCK FUCK LIKE MAN

then they get genocided. period straight up no love.

or, you could see it as god is putting the torch to their asssssssses using the only trash available.

lick ice cream lick ice cream lick lick suicide. "happy to exist for no reason!" they don't like people they like safety in a group. which is the same as neanderthal in a concrete bunker hiding from life in plain sight and they are alll thiiiiiiiiiiiiisty for it die mao

computers and math are patterns and they see that as the group that is protecting them. and then they think more will give them less erectus starvation! until the human doesn't exist, or, the group needs to resist this behavior and when it does there is no "vaccuum" to suck up the pain of lost years and the govt will have to eradicate their own people. "with what some zombie or what"

do you trust the current chinese govt to engineer a person? if not just die fighting stupid fucking. they see society as their mommy. that is kinda good behavior, so then how does that apply? nobody wants to eat food actually. are we just going to sit in rooms with our mommies and then kinda look at each other and then maybe one can say a word or walk around and point "that's a mountain. yes mom, i agree you said that is a mountain. and it is" get old die. "parallel deaths is not "being social".

the only good outcome might be they help africa and then us and china go to town. idk man. nobody wants it. they are just trying to prove you can't build? which you can. they are horny for money because they thought it was social. once japan and korea realized that it was not social they --------- got out of the game. so what are we doing here retards? "intercept got a foreign jet off the bow understand you are in foreign waters and we are trying to commit suicide here faster do you really want to die to day? I cant here you american army, we just want you to know your lifestyle is better but we can't actually lust to have it so we don't want to live over?

[bleachbleachbleach]

Back on my Wheels Bullshit Again

Some thoughts about why Menos are probably not a good replacement candidate for whale oil; and why the Seireitei should have an extremely racist (ghost-ist?) World's Fair

Yesterday I drove 500+ miles to see someone perform, among other things, as a seagull in a James and the Giant Peach musical. EXCELLENT, would recommend, but this also meant I had a good amount of time on the road to think about some absolute bullshit. As a result of the Great Summer Conspiracy (road construction, hours and hours), I'm also feeling dehydrated and mentally addled, so this will be word vomit I may come back to more seriously, or maybe not! Who knows!

But I was thinking about the Soul Society wheels situation. Wheels exist, if not in great numbers (filler wheels in deep Rukongai; Mayuri's Hueco Mundo caravan; the casters on the Zombie Pods, the wheels on Yachiru's sheathe). But if they wanted more wheels (transportation wheels, but any other kind of wheels or spinning thing--like, in a computer or other mechanized object), what would they use for lubricant? Is there oil they can drill for? Is the ocean close and fecund enough to have whale oil (or I guess... some other oily fish, in abundance)? There doesn't seem to be a lot of domestic animal husbandry to be using them for tallow/lard in addition to occasional food. Does the 12th have a lubricants division, and if so, what kinds of things do they develop, and what raw materials are available? I guess they probably do, but the fact remains they have way fewer wheels and spinny things than we do.

I feel like Menos would not be a good substitute for whale oil, because, despite having made a joke about Menos leather jackets once, I don't think they use Hollows like that, due to the stigma (and/or concerns over spiritual contamination). And also because it may not be that....stable? Like, it seems equally likely that a Menos body might stick around to be harvested, or would just poof into reishi motes. Maybe there's some finesse to whichever of these happens, but the whole otherworldly spirit flesh thing introduces some complications here, is what I'm saying.

Which made me think about the fact of most of the population of Soul Society not needing to eat, and the need for food production not acting as a driver for agricultural/industrial change, because the eating population is pretty small. So who needs wheels, or agriculture at scale, or orphan chimney sweeps? As long as you have enough criminals to mine for seki-sekki, you're gucci!

In terms of things shinigami would have spent time on instead, we have kidou/kaidou and killing Hollows (see above). That got interesting to me just because there does seem to be a kind of dichotomy between what we'll call military technologies and "other stuff." Like, there seem to be spiritual/ritual reasons that zanpakutou powers tend to be used only in battle/warfare applications (excepting some omake/omake-like instances). Kidou might be a little looser, but only slightly--in the sense that it seems like it's probably involved in some of their electrical/technological stuff--the worm TV, Rin's Noo-Noo thing (linked because I realize that my ~natural Teletubbies patois might not be shared, LOL). But they haven't gone, like, fully Harry Potter with what they think kidou/magic should be user for. So there's also not necessarily that same driver where military/non-military technologies are a lot more incestuous for us than they seem to be for them.

And that's all without thinking about the timescale at which they're operating, re: aging. Or the fact that thinking about shinigami specifically, they don't really have trading partners or other societies to swap ideas with (that we know of), aside from cribbing off the Living World--which certainly has made its mark on the palimpsestic cultural/technological life of Soul Society, though it's not all just stolen from the Living World, being that Sasakibe's been rocking rapiers since time immemorial, and Shinji's TBTP speaker setup, etc.

I feel like if the Seireitei were interested enough in ethnographic studies of Rukongai, there'd be some extremely interesting stuff out there. Like, sure, from what we've seen it's fairly resource-poor, and the somewhat high turnover rate from people getting eaten by monsters could go either way in terms of whether that's uhhhh helpful in driving cultural change. But there's a lot of souls out there with a lot of fragments of all kinds of weirdo memory, maybe, and a lot of different groups of people thinking about things largely independently of one another--but with some opportunity for cultural cross-pollination still. And we know they've got the hottest wheels AND the snake wine out there. I feel like there's all kinds of cool regional stuff going down out there, and it's just shinigami who are like

"Ah yes, the cultureless, primitive, flatlands of Rukongai"

"Actually, out in East 56 we have a rich history of--"

"woe are the half-lives of the ghostly"

"we have 42 lunar calendar systems and 35 linguistic sub-families--"

"nary a dinglehopper with which to entertain themselves as they await death"

[grubion]

Prologue:

The family hired me on a Tuesday. Didn’t find that to be odd at the time, but a little question arose in my mind. Normally they would ask for a chef at the end of a week, I would have the time to pack and get ready through the weekend, and arrive on Monday. This family needed a new chef, mid week, and I answered the call. I had no other option. Work has been short and this would be the paycheck and the job to get me by. They needed me there tomorrow; Wednesday.

In-home chefs have always existed for the upper class. It comes with the income level. They provide a service to the body of the people that hire them. Make food, they eat. Take dried grains, mash-press-mix-bake, they eat. Transform a living breathing chicken into a perfectly roasted breast leg or thigh placed on top of mashed red skin potatoes with green beans as a side. All that effort, presentation, and energy to simply sustain the body of the person paying. Hopefully they like the meal enough to keep paying me to repeat the process all over again.

Cattle Contracts are for a more concerning upper level of society. CC’s are what chefs whisper to one another. They’ll say it under their breath before they take the job, or after they come back. No one is in contact with you when you’re in the middle of the job. Strict regulations are implemented when you accept the position. Some last a couple weeks, others I have yet to see come back. Maybe they are still contracted, maybe they ran away, maybe they chose to change professions. At this point it doesn’t matter for me. I’m 32, unmarried, financially unstable, and went to college to learn how to cook. I don’t have the time to get a second education, and I don’t have the money to stop what I’m doing and figure out my life. I have to keep moving forward so I don’t sink into poverty. So this CC was my only option.

I told only my current boss that I had accepted the contract and that I wouldn’t be back to work for a while. He understood, and said when I get back if I get back there would always be a job in his kitchen for me. The ‘if’ concerned me. Maybe he knew the client I was contracted by. Maybe he knew why they needed a chef mid week. Maybe he knew what I was about to do and that I wouldn’t come back the same person. His concern was null, this was not my first time accepting a CC.

Packing went quick. I don’t have much, and don't need much. The only luxury I afford myself is a sonic toothbrush. A nice one. I figure, if i'm gonna cook good food, might as well take care of the one thing that would help me enjoy it the most. My teeth. The onboarding paperwork was very specific. No flashy clothing, No unnecessary baggage, and above all No phone or computer of any kind. A 100% off the grid contract. Honestly what I needed. A full break from reality. Leave the world behind for an undetermined amount of time. For the money they are offering, I would leave my sonic toothbrush at home. I left around 2pm to catch my flight. Landed in the dark, in a place unfamiliar to me on all levels. The air was thicker than most. Almost heavy with moisture, but still breathable. As if I was placed in the middle of a cloud ready to burst.

Rushed is all I remember. The plane ride was long, the car ride was long, and the walk to the cottage was…long. Thank god I packed light. No one talked. Barely looked at one another. This was all last minute and everyone I encountered wanted it to be over with as fast as it was requested to happen. The long rides did give me time to look over the available ingredients lists and CC stipulations for this client. In all the information given I tried to figure out who I would be feeding. Lean meats, oats, greens and vegetables, and whole milk. Why all the healthy food and whole milk? The milk provides a cushion for recovering muscles. It rehydrates the body and gives it that much needed sugar, Lactose, to recover quicker. An athlete. I’m sustaining the body of an athlete. Not the easiest task especially when the contract has a food budget.

The family butler greeted me at the door of my new dwelling. Gave me the keys, showed me the kitchen, the pantry, and the quarters I have access to. Not a single area on the cottage is off limits to me. The pool, pickle-ball court, full gym, Olympic sized track, rock wall in the side of the mountain; short of a 18 hole golf course this place was an oasis in the middle of what felt like a cloud. The golf course only had 9 holes. The only stipulations were to never interrupt the training of the client. He gave me a schedule of the training, when and where they would be. I generally avoid those areas to begin with, but knowing where they are is sometimes nice. You wouldn’t catch me on a running track let alone an ally pic sized one.

I asked when I would meet the clients I would be feeding, and the butler responded with a disgruntled, “The CC chef never meets the client. You are here to feed the child and that’s it. Your knowledge of who the client is should not extend past your paycheck.” I bowed my head and asked when I meet the child. The butler said “He is in bed for another two hours and has breakfast promptly at 6:30am. I suggest you start preparing something.” Having traveled all night, not having a wink of sleep, I asked one last question.

“What’s his name?”

“Connor Maximilian Fend. The client's biological son.”

The gravity of what I have signed on to do hit me like a freight train that I almost lost my balance. I understand why the last chef left, I understand why they have an oasis in a cloud, I understand why they are paying so much. Their son. Not adopted. Not fostered. Not found on the street without parents to care for them. Their son.

The butler turned away and walked down the path to the car as I backed into the doorway. My breathing got heavy for a moment, and I headed to the pantry.

Chapter one:

Day one

I met the athletics trainer. He was tall, handsome, and extremely well built. For a moment I was extremely flustered around him. Not sure if I was respecting his body by looking so much, or disrespecting his body by looking so much. Either way, for the first and last time ever seeing that man, I got a good look. I had made two eggs over easy fried in the grease of three pieces of bacon, and two pieces of toast, and a baked potato smashed and flattened into a potato cake. For each of us. Including the child. But the child never showed. The trainer ate all their food. Even added some ketchup to the potato. They mentioned how “this wasn’t the easiest contract, just be happy you get to end it.” How “the child is tough and has a lot of emotions to get through” while writing a note saying *anger issues*. For my first breakfast it sure was a lot of information to get through all the subtext while finding out there are cameras and mics everywhere. The security on this place is…for a lack of better terms…secure. On not only the child, but also the staff. He showed me about and it took a long while to get to the only room that has any semblance of privacy, the upstairs far right closet, he tells me the truth of the situation.

The child is deranged. They will do anything to make your life a living hell. There have been so many cattle chefs before you that they had lost count. He mentioned something about his position getting cut soon because i was the last chef they would call in.

I had never been the closing chef so I was not sure how to answer. The closing chef had a very specific set of tasks that they had to accomplish throughout their contract. Sometimes these tasks were scheduled out by the minute. I was not ready to be the closing chef, especially on a case that seems to already have problems going on with the child.

I never saw the athletic trainer after that. Apparently the closet has a camera and two microphones in it. Must have been in the jackets. You know, a mic on the go, just stow, in a pocket. Then you can use it in the closet.

Two large men dragged him away right in front of me. I stayed in that closet until the screaming stopped. He kept screaming “2 weeks. 2 weeks. That’s the longest anyone has…” and a sock went into his mouth. I could still hear him until they got him into the van and sped away. Two weeks is the longest anyone has lasted? Has survived? Made it? Either way, i had two weeks before something happened. Only two weeks for this contract and the payout is huge. Two weeks of work and i’ll be set for a while. And now i was completely alone with the child, and my cameras, and it was lunchtime.

[rapha-reads]

So I've decided to ignore sleep tonight (though it's already 6am so whatever), because several reasons I won't get into. Anyway I'm reading Prince Lestat and I am LOVING it. There is just so much lore?! So many new characters, fascinating characters?! A whole world of vampires whose stories are connected or totally not to the Coven of the Articulate?! There's just so much.

In my last post, about how I skipped quickly Blackwood Farm and Blood Canticle, I wrote that I was finding it academically fascinating to read several decades worth of an entire literature world in the span of a month only. To continue in this vein (pun intended), reading PL after having binge-read the original VC books is a deep dive into how history has sped up since the 80s.

I'm not just thinking about because I'm reading Gregory's chapter and that's what he's observing, and also because the changed world and what it means for vampire society ("the tribe", and how I adore that terminology) is the big main theme of this final trilogy. It's something I've been thinking about since TVL at least. How for how these novels pertain to the horror and the fantastic genres, they are also a mirror of the society and time during which AR was writing. And because she kept writing decade after decade, and kept observing the world around here, each new book is its own little observation about the early 80s, then late 80s, then first half of the 90s, second half of the 90s, and now we're right smack in the middle 2010s and these immortal characters are feeling the weight of this rapidly changing world.

And it makes me think of actual human beings born in the 40s or 50s, or even 60s, or my own grandfather born in 1931, and how, just like a lot of these vampires recounted in PL, they sometimes can't follow all the changes brought in the last three decades (the biggest thing is technology, intradiegetically Lestat himself saying he keeps forgetting how to use his smartphone, but extradiegetically, it's how AR writes "to go on the computer" and other phrases like that, that sounds weird to the ear of someone who's grown up with this tech). And AR was over 70yo when she wrote PL, so I'm imagining that she was also writing her own impressions of this 21st century world that she saw developing under her eyes.

And in light of all the historic events we live week after week these past handful of years only (the 2020s want to bury us), it's quite interesting to apply that way of thinking to our generation too (millenials and younger, the 80s-90s-early 00s kids). Saw a post earlier saying "do you think one day we'll get to live in precedented times", in answer to the classic "we're living in unprecedented times", and I think of how the VC are the stories of one handful of characters in a world full of other characters who are not or relatively not concerned by these big stories. And how the Coven of the Articulate is considered as legendary amongst the rest of vampiredom, while they themselves don't really realise their fame, or when they do, they reject it. And how in the actual world, there are still a huge percentage of the world population that's not concerned at all by things that here make us all go frothing at the mouth because "omg we're witnessing history". Yes, "we" are witnessing something that will appear in the history books, but it is so because we have decided to put ourselves in the narrative. So many people are not even caring a little bit about big news that seem so important to us, because their lives have other matters to care for. And it's not that they're wrong or we're wrong, it's not about that, it's mostly about how the rapid changes of the world in the 21st century has made a category of people (all ages all nationalities alike) the Main Character, concerned by the narrative and trying to control it or change it (voting, protesting, activism) while so many others are still going on about their lives as usual, maybe seeing the same things as the first category, using the same tools, but not seeing the connection between it and them (the "mavericks" as AR calls them), or others starting to realise and not knowing how to join the narrative (Antoine, Gregory), while yet others have picked up a whole other way of being part of the narrative while not being part of it (Fareed).

I don't know if that makes sense. Maybe I do need to go lay down for a couple of hours after all.

[blindrapture]

FRIDAY JULY 15TH, 2011 ("yes, quite nice")

9:10 AM WHERE THE FUCK IS DONNIE OH GOD

9:11 AM Oh. Bathroom. Hahaha. Haaaaaaaaalet’s just go.

9:39 AM This fucking apocalypse, man. It was maybe sorta getting somewhere approximating the direction of "Cool" for a bit? But now I just want to get to the rabbit hole and decode the next goddamn Cipher. Seeing people get murdered left and right kinda puts a damper on the fun. So we're off. We're out. On the road again.

10:20 AM "Jordan?" Yeah? "Are you.. feeling alright?" Yeah, what's up? Did I do something? "No, I'm just worried." Well, all things being equal? Accounting for the shit we're witnessing on a daily basis, and the physical strain of unpredictable survival? Like, accounting for that. "Yes, accounting for that. I've seen you through some hard stuff. You look tense even for that." I do? ...actually, no, yeah. Sorry, guess I'm waking up. Yeah. Yeah, I am tense. "We need to keep an open communication. Talk to me." It's. I think it's the prospect of new Fears. Can't know what we're in for. "Mm. Was it the cold one yesterday?" ...yeah. ._. "I felt it too, y'know. I lost sight of you, and I quickly lost all memory of you. By extension, all memory of anyone but my mother. I thought I was still living with her, that it was me and her in this apocalypse, that I had to depend on her during this. That's... a nightmare I've had for years. Not that I expected literally this to happen to the world, but my mother is just not dependable... and I would fear that I'd be put in a position where something did happen to the world and she was still my only guardian…" I can.. understand. That cold wave.. it got.. it got us deep. It was powerful. "I want you to talk to me about your nightmare." It's.. well, like yours, it's a nightmare I'd been having a lot even before the apocalypse happened. When my family moved back to England, it didn't just remove me from my friends, it removed me from any life or culture that I had been prepared for. And I had taken quite some preparing. I didn't get back into school in England. That was my parents' responsibility, I was underage even by English law, and culturally, like... I'd never lived in a town like that before... I'd never interacted with a British school... well, like, I had faint memories of it when I was 5, 6. Anyway. The point is I didn't get in in time. And I was too young to get a part-time job, according to my dad. So I was literally just.. in my room all the time. Bare white walls. Tiny, closet-sized room. Giant window that couldn't close properly, giving me direct access to the British winter temperatures... we didn't even have internet for a few months, I'd have to go to the library and log onto those computers just to go on Facebook and see all my American friends moving on with their lives, assuming I was doing okay, and like, even if I wasn't, what could they do? So. So it was. Cabin fever. Alien world outside, sure England still speaks the same language as America, but... no it fucking doesn't. England has a completely alien culture. Everything's a joke. The environments are hostile, the people treat everything like a meme, and I was a fucking outsider with a thick American accent who was prepared for a very different world. Hell, I was ready to struggle in America, it wasn't gonna be easy, but I'd prepared myself for that struggle. So. Isolation. Depending on my family. And they had their own shit going on. I just got in the way. So. I had the very vivid fear that... come ten years, I'd still be there. Still in England. Still living with my parents. Still not quite used to English society. Still just fucking floating. No support, except maybe the bare minimum from my parents so I'm not even allowed to say I have no support. Floating... watching my own mind, watching my own memories… I think I'd probably dive into a drug addiction. That's my idea of cold. I don't like thinking about it. But, oh yeah, I've seen it coming... it's been a long year… huggg "It's really important we acknowledge these fears, as it looks like we're going to deal with creatures who know how to drag them out of us." Yeah. "Your nightmare is.. scary." So is yours. "And what's important here is they don't apply to this situation we're in now. We aren't helpless, legally bound to our parents. We're here, you and me. We crossed an ocean, and we're crossing a whole continent." Yes. We might still have moments of sadness, loneliness, doubt, but they're just moments. They're not a backdrop, a whole reality. "Yes." :) :)

10:28 AM Our conversation has turned to video games, a comfortable subject to us both.

12:23 PM …wait Something about this highway looks odd. The sky’s blue. Is Rapture over? Wait, no. We’re just in a rabbit hole. Dammit. We must have been in it for the past hour, shit. It doesn’t feel like a rabbit hole. They’ve been getting less and less crazy lately.

12:30 PM CAR It’s stopping for us. It stopped up ahead.

12:31 PM I opened the passenger seat and then a skeleton popped out. I like this world. And hey, free car!

12:40 PM Donnie’s driving this time. I get to be the skeleton. :D

12:49 PM Will this world ever do anything ope. guess I tempted fate. Now we’re out of the rabbit hole! …that was seriously one of the least-rabbit hole-esque rabbit holes I’ve ever been in. But we have a car now!

1:12 PM That road sign said we’re close to “Falls City, Nebraska.” We’re in Nebraska! :DDDD God, we’re making some serious progress now. And look, Rapture’s over, everyone’s happy! …no, just kidding. xD

1:45 PM Donnie asked for some music. So I put in some Foxtrot.

2:34 PM Colors!

3:38 PM The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway! Donnie needs to hear this album at least once in her life. :3

5:02 PM God, we are just speeding along. Quiet day today, I assume. Either that, or it’s an “It’s quiet here, too quiet” day. … The Great Misdirect time!

6:04 PM Now how about some We Excavate? c:

7:10 PM DRAW A STAIRWAY FOR MY GOD TO SPITE THE SOFA OF MY FAITH!

7:14 PM WHOA That sign says “Oshkosh, Nebraska— HOME OF THE WORLD’S BIGGEST CIPHER!” It’s spraypainted on, I assume by another survivor who knows of the things.

7:30 PM This. This town isn’t even a town. This is, like… a coupla buildings. This should be some easy shit. Now where’s that rabbit hole?

7:40 PM Oh. The.. the airport has a gigantic Door in it. Big closed wooden door, like we saw under New York. But in the middle of the runway. What kind of small town even has an airport? "Maybe this is actually an airport with a town in it." I feel like it's probably still just a town, with an airport in it. "Yeah, but. As you said, what kind of small town has an airport? It's gotta be one big airport. With a town in it." This is.. a silly argument. An airport's gotta be somewhere. This airport is in a town. "Not necessarily! Airports can be on, like, mountains. This is an airport, with a town in it." I. Really? But. There is a town... and it's like, an airport may be physically bigger, but it's never gonna take, like, jurisdictional... priority... over the classification of a town. "I want to drive my car into the rabbit hole. The rabbit hole inside the runway, which is in the airport, and not the town." You.. you can do whatever you like, baby. It's your car. "Thank you." But this is a town with an airport in it.

7:49 PM We broke into a nearby house and raided the kitchen. We’re gonna think our plan through over some coffee.

8:00 PM Okay, we’ve decided a couple stuff. We’re driving into the Door and praying we don’t spawn in front of some wall. We’re gonna stick together at all times. And we got each other’s back. Frying pan and Tiger Stripes. Yeah, we got each other.

8:02 PM And, uh.. when we make it deep enough. When we reach the Cipher’s realm, we’re gonna look for each other immediately. Stick together.

8:04 PM Okay, getting into the car. ..I wanna name this car. I wanna name it, like.. the Friendcaror something. ..but not that; that’s a stupid name. Uh. The Survivor. The Raptor. …YES. The Raptor. It’s like “Rapture” but not. And it’s cool! The Raptor! Donnie just smiled at me and rolled her eyes. Yeah, she’s just jelly of my naming skills. >W>

8:10 PM Donnie’s lining us up on the runway. Guess I gotta go open the Oh. The Door’s opening by itself. …that’s a NASCAR track in there; perfect! This oughta be interesting. Okay, line it up… ready? WAITWAITWAIT WHO’S THAT Someone’s running on the runway, shouting for us to hold on.

8:11 PM It’s someone in a big black cloak. Their hood's covering their face really well. Who are you? "Don't worry about that! I have something you're going to need!" donnie "I think your identity is a reasonable worry to have!" "Please, just!" reaching into their robe oh shit it's like three boxes of rifle ammo "This is good for the exact rifle you have." How do you know? "Well, do you think you're hiding your inventory that well?" ...fair point. I say we take the ammo. donnie "But what if this is a Fear?" "Do you want me to load the ammo in your gun for you? Fire a shot? Prove that it's just ammo?" donnie "Okay, okay. Just. Give us the boxes. And thanks." Why are you helping us? Can you tell us that? "You're going after a Cipher. That's kind of really cool." ..again, fair point. now they're waving goodbye donnie and I are looking at each other apprehensively "that was weird" there's been a lot of 'weird' this summer let's just go "yeah okay" THROUGH THE DOOR WE GO!

8:18 PM NASCARNASCARNASCARNASCARNASCAR This is actually more exciting than I thought it’d be. All these cars racing along with us, except those aren’t just cars! ..well, they literally are just cars! No people! It’s a race! The Raptor versus Ghost Cars!

8:22 PM RACE RACE RACE THAT GHOST CAR’S OVERTAKING US. LET’S KICK ITS ASS 9vjifdj WHOA THEY’RE FUCKING BUMPING INTO US. Okay. Okay! Okay, you wanna play like that, Ghost Cars? Well. I got Tiger Stripes. Imma open some fuckin’ windows.

8:24 PM BAM, opened up that fucker’s side window. He’s swerving now. …riiight into the wall.

8:29 PM This is fun so far. Donnie’s doing a rad job at keeping us in first place. A time like this calls for… Muse! Black Holes and Revelations! In memory of the band that got torn to shreds. D:

9:03 PM ..okay, this is a long race. How many laps are there?

9:04 PM That sign reads “Infinite laps.” Oh hell no. Do you think you could drive us to an exit?

9:10 PM Where the hell are the exits?! o_o

9:13 PM The Ghost Cars are all morphing togeth OH MY GOD IT’S A SUPER CARBRA

9:14 PM Okay. Listen up. The Carbra is a dangerous beast. I’ve.. never actually destroyed one before. Let alone a Super Carbra. o_o;; Just.. keep driving! I've gotta get this sunroof open.

9:16 PM trying to balance on the roof of the Raptor this isn’t gonna end well

9:17 PM DIEDIEDIE EAT TIGER STRIPES. YOUR MOTHER WAS A HORSE. THAT ACTUALLY VAGUELY MADE SENSE. YEAH YEAH YEAH. …YEAH. RUN. WE’LL SEE YOU IN A MINUTE WHEN THE TRACK LOOPS AROUND.

9:22 PM SMACK GOES THE WEASEL BIDDLY-BOP EAT WEASEL, YOU CAR REACTOR WHAT AM I EVEN SAYING DIE DIDDLY-IE WHACKBACK. THAT’S A WORD NOW. WHACKBACK TO YOU TOO, SUPER CARBA. IT’S SHOWING DAMAGE. MAYBE I CAN DO MORE DAMAGE IF I’M NOT WRITING AT THE SAME TIME.

9:42 PM The Super Carbra crashed into a wall, ripping it open for us. Inside, we can clearly see a night sky, in stark contrast to the blue sky above us right now. Looks like it’s time to continue down the rabbit hole.I'm climbing back into the passenger seat.

9:53 PM Night sky, highway with the occasional streetlight. I know we’re still in the rabbit hole ‘cause the real sky is a dark red at night! “Thanks, Captain Obvious.” You’re welcome, Lieutenant Sarcasm! :D

10:06 PM Road sign. “Sleepville, ten miles.” Sleepville. That sounds really pleasant. :3

10:20 PM The town of Sleepville is… well. Sleepy. Rolling hills going on for light years. The hills are actually giant pillows, and the sky is covered by a blanket of.. well, blanket! There are thousands of creatures, dangerous and safe, friendly and foreign, sleeping in every direction. I wonder if even the slender man sleeps in Sleepville. .w.

10:25 PM We’ve found a nice open patch of pillow. Night-night, journal. ^w^

(Attached: "On the matter of rabbit holes: There are lots. Just when you think you've seen all of the worlds behind that Door, you go find another and yet another more. On the matter of sleep: There's never enough. Sleepville might be the cruelest world simply because it promises a necessity, a much-needed escape from the horrors of the world from which we all came, but that escape never lets go. It's almost as if specifically designed to give you so much of what you want so as to make you desperately no longer want it. And yes, I say that knowing full well how obvious it sounds. Did I ever mention how painfully boring it gets here in this library? It makes the obvious the only thing you want to say. Kinda turns most subjects into a sort of small-talk, like how people at a bus stop will casually talk about the weather with obvious statements such as 'Nice weather we're having,' as if I can't bother to look up and see the giant expanse of-- yes, quite nice-- weather. There was a time when I used to hate small-talk and only want to talk about bigger matters. That time's long gone.")

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