#i don't want to lead anyone on; i'm not having a gender crisis

[classicintp]

jfc i need to see a therapist

[bellsmess]

Whenever someone calls Charles Rowland straight, an angel dies.

What straight guy tells his best friend who just confessed to him that there's no one else – no one – he would go to Hell for. And that they have forever to figure out what that means. You don’t get his repressed bisexuality like I do!

Even modern bisexuals (I may or may not be speaking from personal experience) are oblivious to the fact they're bi because heteronormative roles are so engraved in our minds. When you're attracted to other genders, it's easy to miss a same-sex crush, only then to realise that oh, it wasn’t just admiration, it was attraction.

Charles, having grown up at the height of the AIDS crisis, with an abusive and probably homophobic father, killed by racist bullies? That would make anyone repress any gay feelings. Especially if you experience crushes on people with a different sex to you.

Charles sees Crystal and takes his chance. He's enamoured with this smart, strong-willed, pretty girl who can see him not only in a physical sense, but pays attention to him. He longs to be loved. Then he says the infamous "That sounds alot like you, doesn't it? Maybe that's why I like her so much" line. What an icon. And he compares himself and his best friend to the greatest love story of all time, Orpheus and Euridyce's.

When Edwin confesses to him, he doesn't rule out the possibility of returning these feelings. He knows they're already devoted to each other. They've already had 30 years of companionship and solving cases together.

"As long as I have my best mate and a case to solve, I'm good."

Being with Edwin is simple. They solve cases, help others, run away from Death. It's a simple existance. Charles gave up eternity to be with Edwin, because he was kind to him when he was dying. Charles finds him fun, wants to protect him, knows that Edwin is a kind and good person. One that Charles wants to be.

"Bad guys don't worry about being bad guys. And you, Charles Rowland, are the best person I know."

Crystal's role is very important in changing the dynamic between Edwin and Charles. Not only because Charles falls for her, but because she opens them up. She digs out their repressed feelings and trauma. Charles finally deals with his dad's abuse, his happy-go-lucky mask falls. She points it out to Edwin. Charles kept it up so well because Edwin didn't press it, but Crystal does. And Charles finally lets himself process what happened to him, and how that affects his relationships.

Charles never saw genuine love between his parents, and that affects how he views relationships. It impacts how he forms them, too. But he's a loverboy, he longs to be loved, he falls easily. Why wouldn’t he fall for someone who stuck to his side for 30 years?

Crystal and Monty's roles mirror each other – they help the boys figure out their feelings and desires. Crystal makes Edwin jealous that there's someone else Charles cares about in the same sense he cares for Edwin. The Cat King helps Edwin discover desire, Monty – genuine love. As Charles' and Crystal's relationship kickstarts (albeit ends as quickly) and Monty persues Edwin, he discovers the depth of his feelings.

"These complicated feelings that you have? They're for Charles."

I would love to see their wants explored more in the future season(s, hopefully multiple). Charles giving into desire with Desire of the Endless' guidance? Yes please.

I simply cannot believe that anyone would doubt Painland/Payneland endgame. They're everything to each other. They're a constant presence, reassurance, and love. Platonic, romantic, it doesn't matter. Their bond is so deep and genuine that immortal beings see it and leave them be, in the afterlife they chose for each other. Their love is so deep it transcends planes: from mortal plane to Hell, it leads Charles to Edwin. Charles is not Orpheus, when he turns around to hear Edwin out on the staircase from Hell, he manages to get him out. And they have literally forever for each other.

[librarycards]

whats yr advice how autistic trans ppl seeking a diagnosis should proceed in these deeply transphobic & transmisogynistic times, theres legistlation the juncture btwn transphobia & ableism? for reference Im a TME 1st yr undergrad who is seeking accomodations for ASD and I got interim accomodations before medical documentation but Im not sure if I can opt out of a prof dx or if I want to? I'm really conflicted bc I got "away" with just saying im trying to get accomodations since I started 1/?

2/? at the school (school is on turtle island) but Im not sure if I can defer constantly bc it leads to me having to approach teachers awkwardly - I can't always make it to office hrs - & im fined if i miss dr appointments to assess me. i live in "canada" but there's pretty fucking scary waiting lists & legislation here too imho; I'm not really sure how to navigate these academic and medical contexts when it can influence how easily i can get gender affirming care and letters of mental health 3/3 also i would appreciate anyone providing any tips for TMA ppl as well ofc!! it's crucial for all trans ppl esp the ones most marginalized comprehend the drawbacks of a prof dx if someone is seeking it! i just wanted to be mindful of describing my unique circumstances (also i'm a racialized settler) when receiving advice. i can go off anon & message you too however i know tumblr's not... great as a messaging service or in general

ty for sending and for your patience! okay, this is very complicated and YMMV.

what i'm hearing is that you're weighing the risks vs benefits of going without an autism dx / possibly (?) having easier access to medical transition, vs. receiving a prof dx and having a more difficult time. this is something that i thought about, too, when i was going through the process - i got my 'gender dysphoria' and autism diagnoses around the same time, when i was 18, and i specifically sought the autism one in order to have undergrad accommodations (i already knew I was autistic and had been in autistic community).

for me, and perhaps for you, the accommodation thing was less of a 'my life would be easier' and more of a 'i don't think i'd make it through college without these.' they were mostly housing-based for me, and made it possible for me to live on campus without constant crisis. if you have similar absolute needs for accommodations, i do think you should seek out the formal paperwork. universities are bureaucratic nightmares designed to disadvantage disabled students (and faculty, for that matter) and you need to have every tool in your arsenal to fight back.

i can't speak to transition-related care in canada, but i assume this aspect is similar to the us: providers run the gamut from more to less accepting of (for example) autistic clients, and a diagnosis does not 100% foreclose access to transition. i'm an example of this! i don't think it's worth it to sacrifice your education for the possibility (not guarantee) of a slightly easier time with trans care w/o an autism dx. getting healthcare as a trans person is hard all-around anyway, and i think it's a much more logical choice to get the dx and associated accommodations, and then spend more time researching autism-friendly surgeons (and neurodiversity-affirming therapists to write you the letters necessary for approval).

the only caveats to what i said above are 1) if you could get assessed for another diagnosis that would allow for the same or similar accommodations (many different dx's qualify for extra time, a note-taker, etc etc). if you are committed to getting the surgical/hormonal intervention you want right now, another (risky) option would be to prioritize that and delay university - i don't recommend this whatsoever, but it's there.

my greatest piece of advice is to look frankly at your life and ask, what can i survive, and for how long? can you survive university unaccommodated? can you survive an education put on hold? can you survive a year, two, or five without transition care? these answers will be different for everyone, *and* there is no guarantee that the roadblocks you face as a diagnosed autistic trans person will be exponentially higher than an undiagnosed trans person (sometimes, it's just hard regardless).

one final note - your professors should be available via email to make appointments with you outside office hours. this is part of their job - every semester, some students will not be able to make office hours and still need appointments. i highly recommend speaking to profs as needed about alternative times to meet with them.

so, yeah, that's my 2¢. best of luck <3

[luminouslumity]

Speaking of Bridgerton—and again, I say this as someone who's read the books and really liked WHWW—I really feel like the hate has been overblown.

The only thing I can kinda agree with is feeling like Francesca already being attracted to Michaela invalidates her feelings for John, especially when she just got married, so if anyone had to be tongue-tied, I honestly would've preferred it if it had been Michaela. On the other hand, obvious outcome aside, it is important to acknowledge that attraction doesn't always necessarily equate to love and we're also still talking about an introverted eighteen year old Regency woman who not only got married after knowing her charming husband for what had to have been only a month or two at most, but also just got introduced to his equally charming cousin.

I don't know, I guess I'm just looking at this scene with a kinda "it is what it is" approach if that makes any sense, but I do hope it gets addressed in one way or another. I absolutely love John, and even though I'm very excited to see Michaela again and see how the show further adapts her story, I still want him and Francesca to be happy together, for however long they have.

As for the rest, I'll be delving into book spoiler territory (yes, even more so than the above), but basically the whole point I'm trying to make here is that I think it's far too early to judge, especially since Michaela has only had a few seconds of screentime, so I'm willing to wait, but my overall opinion will really all depend on the execution.

Okay, so in WHWW, we know that Francesca suffers from infertility issues, and if losing John wasn't bad enough, she also miscarries. This is, of course, an important plot point and one that resonated with many and I think that's beautiful. What confuses me, however, is why some people think they'll get rid of this plotline now that the two leads are the same gender, as though those in queer relationships don't have these same problems as well. And maybe it's just me, but I really think there's a lot you can do with a story about a young woman who suddenly loses both her husband and the child she'd so longed for, tries to look for a new husband years later for the sake of wanting to try for a baby again, only to end up falling in love with her husband's female cousin, therefore causing both internal conflict on the woman's wants (a child of her own), as well as external conflict in terms of what would and wouldn't be considered socially acceptable for the time (being in a same-sex relationship).

And as for the inheritance, how can Michaela inherit Kilmartin if she's a woman? After all, inheritance laws at this time strictly favored men, right? Well, not necessarily. Noblewomen gaining their own lands and titles isn't exactly a new concept per se—though it is obviously a rare one—and this especially applies to Scotland, where Kilmartin is located. For example, during the 18th and 19th Centuries, Mary Hay succeeded her brother and became the Countess of Errol after his death, while the Earldom of Orkney had three consecutive generations of countesses: Anne Hamilton, Mary O'Brian, and Mary FitzMaurice.

Furthermore, we know that PoC being ennobled is still a pretty new thing in this universe, and as we see in Queen Charlotte, there was a genuine concern for what would happen next, especially in terms of succession. It's why Danbury interacts with Sophia Augusta at all! So, either there's going to be an entirely new character to inherit the Earldom, Michaela has to get married before the title can go to her, or the Earldom of Kilmartin was created "with remainder to the heirs whatsoever of [the first ennobled Stirling's] body" so as to prevent a potential crisis, thus leading to Michaela to inherit the title in her own right, with or without a husband (maybe give or take some artistic liberties). That said, I certainly won't be surprised if there's a lavender wedding anyway, or at least a Gretna one.

[shinygemstone]

Name worldbuilding fuckery

So, I have this naming system I've designed without any worlds I plan on using it in at the moment, so I'm sharing it here. I don't know if anyone has come up with something similar, but I think it's cool, so that's good enough for me.

So when a child is born, they're given a child name. Child names are usually one syllable, typically 3-4 letters (ex: Mel, Alex, Em. They're generally considered gender neutral, although some do have more gendered connotations (ex: Anne, Liam). These names are generally less popular because part of the idea of giving the kids child names is that they choose their identity, including their gender/gendered connotations of their names.

This leads me into adult names. An adult name is an upgraded version of a child name, a longer version of it. If we use my initial three examples, Mel can become Melissa, Melvin, or Ammil, Alex can become Alexandra, Alexio, or Calexson, and Em can become Emily, Ember, or Fyerem. This lets people socially transition easily as they become adults.

Adult names are generally chosen between the ages of 18 and 21, although some choose their adult names as early as 14 or as late as 25. Generally, if someone still hasn't chosen at 25, their name is just legally cemented as their child name. This is heavily frowned upon as people view it as someone being unable to grow up. Similarly, people who want to change their names after picking their adult names also have to jump through hoops. If someone under 25 does it, it's viewed as proof that person is immature and cannot handle big decisions. If someone over 25 does it, it's treated as midlife crisis behavior- clearly the person is just confused/struggling with their identity because why else would they want to change their name?

This stigma, despite being largely inaccurate most of the time, is reinforced by the school system, which heavily emphasizes choosing your adult name carefully. Parents often choose their childrens' child names pretty recklessly, frequently just picking syllables they think sound cool (ex: Shix, Ress, Forn) and the children have to come up with ways to make those names sound like actual names. There are name consultants who can help kids come up with a good name and, for a price, will hand kids a list of names with connotations, meanings, etc. Some of these lists are published in newspapers, and look something like this:

Shix Ress Forn Anna Liam

Performer: Shixia Lyress Fornaris Annalia Caliamni

Merchant: Shixis Fressto Fornum Jannari Bryliam

Academic: Marshix Wyress Alforne Ighannan Ulliam

Soldier: Shixar Resswyn Fornellis Annarti William

Farmer: Shixie Cayress Fornoll Annacia Liamna

Parent: Shixara Ressall Forneus Annanetta Elliam

Lover: Ashixy Caresse Lyforni Arianna Myliam

Names have various themes, with careers, goals, and personality traits being common. Note that many of these (even when the child name is not a suffix) rhyme. Despite the fact that many name variations are available, many names have a handful that are heavily recommended (William for Liam, Annalia and Arianna for Anna). The random syllable movement seeks to combat that and seeks to create room for more really out there names. However, some of these can go too far, leading to some people swearing off their child names.

Swearing off your child name is no minor event. It's considered disowning your parents/heritage, even if it's just something as small as having your child name be Anna and choosing the adult name Annette. Most people will assume that some crazy stuff happened, and that you have a terrible relationship with your parents if you did so, which is generally treated about the same as it is in the real world. If you have a terrible child name/want to transition before you've picked an adult name, it's kind of tough luck. Most child names are gender neutral, but if a kid asks you to use different pronouns for them you use the different pronouns. It's viewed as essential for them forming their identity and picking the right adult name.

That kind of brings me to taboo names. Gendered child names are frowned upon, but giving your kid the part of your adult name that was added to your child name (ex: your child name was Liam, you become William, you name your child Will) is viewed as removing autonomy from the child. Same with giving a kid a name that's "too long". A kid named Terrence is the subject of pity from all of their peers because clearly Terrence has overbearing parents who can't let them flourish. A kid named Terra is assumed to have parents who struggle to toe the line between loving an overbearing. There's a fine line, and most people follow the one-syllable rule. The other naming taboo is words. It's viewed as branding the kid with some kind of destiny or revolving theme in their life, tying them down before they've formed a proper sense of self. Many adults avoid word names for similar reasons, and some will just change a letter or two to "cast out" the unwanted aspects of that name while "welcoming in" the wanted ones (ex: Caresse).

Generally, people won't question someone's adult name. If your name is Pystallxen, great. You'll have to explain how to spell it a bazillion times, but adult names are meaningful and are not chosen willy nilly. Insulting someone's name (as an adult) is a great way to start a fight because it's attacking your ability to define your own personhood, and often something else that is very important to you. But sometimes, people will pick something obviously terrible, like a swear or a slur. In this situation, people will default to the person's child name. This is the insult I just described above with the addition of being infantilizing. If you're doing it when someone has a fairly decent, but unusual name (like calling Pystallxen Xen) it will often result in a fight, complaints of harassment, or hazing.

Having said that, names like Pystallxen are a mouthful. This culture thrives on long names. It's only natural that nicknames show up. But a nickname needs to be carefully crafted. It needs to respect both the chosen and child aspects of the name. Pyxstallxen might be shortened to Pyxen or Pysten. Generally, you'd ask Pyxstallxen about this nickname before beginning to use it, and Pyxstallxen would be well within their rights to refuse it.

Of course, this brings us back to child names. Who is allowed to use a child name for an adult once they've reached adulthood? For some families, child names are a term of endearment, but they're only used in private because it's a) misleading to anyone who randomly overhears and b) is considered rude by those who don't use them as such. If you knew someone as a kid, and meet them as an adult, using the child name is generally okay, but you need to swap adult names asap or you'll look like a dick. Sometimes, childhood friends will use them in jokingly mocking ways (like how you might call your friend a crybaby or a rat bastard) but again, that's only specific friendships. And while child names are by no means some great secret, most people don't broadcast them. People usually only ask about them to gauge a nickname or to find stuff about the person from their childhood, leading to a lot of people not wanting to answer the question.

And yeah!! If anyone has any questions please ask I love talking about this

[faaun]

Im someone who used to identify as bi but I had only dated cishet men, and when I came out as nonbinary, i realized those relationships were not for me and I in turn had my lesbian/sapphic only crisis. Now a few years have gone by and im having a real moment being like… bi men are so hot to me. And you said you identified as a lesbian for so long before reconsidering. How did you figure it out? I always worry its just gender envy or aesthetic attraction. There’s no opportunity in my life right now to find someone to help me figure it out (considering I’m also demisexual), and plus I wouldn’t want to accidentally lead someone on if it turned out I wasn’t attracted to them like that. Thank you so much for being open about your experiences! It is really nice to hear other people going through similar things

hi anon ! for me personally, i started hanging out around men more since i started university (previously went to all girls schools), during which i was briefly attracted to some of them, esp bc they also happened to be lovely people so the way they behaved didn't put me off. i also talked to some bi people and lesbians and learned that truly, if you are functionally a lesbian but were (for example) attracted to a guy once last year but don't rly want to be w one, there is no real clear answer for your sexuality that anyone can give you and similarly, no one (bar lesphobic/biphobic people) will judge you for whatever label you land on. similarly, you don't have to choose a label at all! you don't have to figure it out at all, ever! just keep yourself open to things, if you find that you are attracted to a guy that's great, if you find yourself never attracted to a guy again that's also great! if you change your mind ten more times, that's also fine :) it might sound unsatisfying but over the long term, it's a lot better than trying to decide on A Label, Immediately when u rly don't know, which can be a pointless endeavour :) there are better things in life to focus on!

unfortunately the usual advice i would give for "fast tracking" the process would be basically going on dates w (but not necessarily dating) guys, but since you are demisexual i'm not sure this would apply. you did mention that you find bi guys hot, so perhaps that is a sign? i don't have much experience w gender envy and to me, if i find someone attractive aesthetically that just means i find them attractive in general, so i think i'm not super qualified to give advice on those points. however, if anyone reads this and has any input, pls feel free to share !

[cleverthylacine]

I think you don't see a lot of talk about it because people with abusive families already have a lot of training and conditioning to put the needs of people who mistreat them ahead of their own needs.

I am very big on not rewarding people for bad behaviour, and very conscious of the idea that some people don't get out of bad situations until they get bad enough for them, not bad enough for you.

That doesn't mean I don't support your doing this. If you're doing it out of love and not a sense of obligation that's great. I do still love people in my family who have hurt me even if I choose not to interact with them.

But it does mean that I don't support anyone doing this IF the mistreatment that they are choosing to put up with is messing up their lives and emotions.

Remember, you have to put your own oxygen mask on before you can put anyone else's on.

The other thing is that the natural consequences of treating someone like shit (that person not wanting to have anything to do with you) sometimes get it through the other party's head that being an asshole will lead to being a lonely and fundamentally unhappy person. It took over 30 years and a family crisis, but I stopped talking to my mother in 1992 because she had refused to accept me for who I am for the very last time.

Last summer we reconnected because of my brother's cancer diagnosis (he's now in remission) and she's had therapy and she's over her bigotry. She doesn't care anymore whether I date men, women or none of the above. She votes against anti-trans laws. She understands that I'm queer and have a fraught relationship with the concept of gender. She has done a lot of really horrible things to me and there are times when I wonder if I'm out of my freaking mind to want to talk to her now. But I actually enjoy talking to her and connecting with her now, and I think somewhere along the way she got the idea that being in my life was a privilege reserved for people who don't mistreat me.

Sometimes you just have to go NC for your own sanity and stay that way. But sometimes, going NC will bring a person around to sanity and kindness, even if it takes 31 years.

In a similar vein, it took my brother close to 20 years to understand that I won't put up with him using slurs and will challenge him if he starts to do racist shit around me. But he sure gets it now. I don't think he will ever completely outgrow some of the horrible ideas our father pounded into his head (and tried to pound into mine, but Lt Uhura and MLK got there first) but he knows I will not tolerate it and will call it out. I also talked him out of voting for Trump.

So you've made your decision and I respect it, but if anyone else who is reading this is considering it, I really, really, REALLY want to make sure that they understand they are more important than their abusers, their health and sanity come first, and also that sometimes you have to cut abusive people off or they will never learn to respect you. They might not respect you ever, but in that case, you're free to spend your energy and time with people who don't treat you like shit. I am very big on not taking garbage from people.

I don't really know how to articulate this, but I don't really see a lot of talk about deliberately staying in contact with family who has really hurt you and probably will never stop hurting you, so THEY aren't isolated by their abuser. Like, being a complete nightmare is one of the tactics they use to continually isolate my family member, and I choose to put up with mistreatment, and I choose to do it in the least threatening manner I can so I'm not a top priority candidate to get the boot. There's honestly not a lot I can do for this person, and it's not really my responsibility, but I want to do this for them, so I will until I'm forced not to.

[buddha-in-disguise]

Discourse, Supergirl and fans.

The Supergirl situation with William Dey, is far more than about William Dey per se.

I touched on this when I first posted about David Harewood.

What I have seen, and I am still seeing is while some SuperCorp fans were annoyed about the preview for episode 12, this was also coming from a diverse section of the fandom. That David (and others) have singled out the SuperCorp fandom is both unfair, and unhelpful. But that is a different discussion altogether.

So - I am going to repeat and expand on some of what I wrote at the time to try and explain why I, (and others) have found Supergirl to be really problematic at the moment.

First of all: There is no doubt Supergirl currently has a diverse cast, inc. LGBTQ representation. 

However, all the diversity in the world means absolutely nothing if a program is seemingly only playing lip service to the characters. 

Compare and contrast with Legends of tomorrow. They have 6 women. 2 Muslim superheroes (a TV first). 5 characters are LGBTQ, including Charlie; who is recognised as gender fluid. 4 people of colour. The lead is a woman, who is bisexual, in a canon relationship with a lesbian, and is a superhero. 

They do this without it being made a big deal of, enjoyed by LGBTQ and heterosexual audience alike. But it is a huge deal for many because of that diversity, and just as importantly they haven't overloaded the cast numbers, so they all get good solid storylines through a season. A season that is also shorter than Supergirl. 

Legends are an example of how you can put in a diverse minority cast, without it becoming forced or cumbersome. It isn't without fault sure, but no program is. 

So where is Supergirl going wrong at the moment? 

Let's use William, as the crux of the problems are best shown with his character, but it isn't limited to him. I will put first - this is absolutely *not* a criticism towards Staz Nair, who I respect (& like, as far as one can from limited SM interaction). All too often the accusations are made that if you don't like a character, you hate the actor. That is categorically not true for me, nor others I've seen posting about this. Of course if anyone does hate on the actor, that is not okay.

So, back to William. I get the reason he came along in regards to Russell and so the Andrea connection. That story made sense.  What hasn't made sense - William being used as a journalist, when Nia is right there! Nia has barely had any screen time, and virtually none as a journalist; you know - her actual job. I'm not sure what the minutes on screen ratio has been this season between the two, but it has felt completely slanted towards William as a viewer, at least until now. 

First instead of Kara and Nia investigating Leviathan after William was 'exposed' in the earlier episodes, now Nia is sidelined again, because they want Kara to team up with William to investigate Lex.

Why? Why do they need that journalistic pairing, when Nia - who as a Superhero, is better placed if danger from Lex occurs. But no, they're making it about Kara having to work with William because Lex threatened to kill him. Plus Nia was being mentored by Kara. Is she no longer being mentored by Kara? Are they a team? Even if the mentoring has ended, Nia is still not being utilised as a journalist.

I am utterly baffled as to why they feel this arc makes any sense. Moreso when an already established character gets sidelined. 

I'm also getting tired of seeing anyone who sees these valid opinions about current storyline as being trolls (or the comments all SuperCorp fans are just outright haters. No - SuperCorp fans are a large diverse group, that have incredible artists, fanfic writers, and social media users. Many also multi-ship. To place a blanket statement about a whole fandom as large as SC, is hateful. All fandoms have some who are problematic, but to single out an entire group is not right). 

So back to my thoughts. An episode can have some great aspects to it, but it can also be highly problematic to some fans, & receive valid criticism or valid opinions for it. For example, the latest episode of Batwoman. The Alice/Beth story was great. The acting superb. What I found worrying was the way they made Sophie feel guilty for legitimate reasons why she had led a closeted lifestyle. That lifestyle is valid, for Sophie and many LGBTQ people, and for good reason, including keeping some people safe from harm. I felt it was a clumsy attempt for Alice to get into Sophie's mind; it could've been tackled other ways, so it felt wrong they used her sexuality as a way to achieve that. Being closeted for many literally keeps them alive. So that was one hell of a poor choice in my opinion. Yet others have made perfectly credible counter arguments that it showed the difficulties faced by many LGBTQ people. So, great episode, valid criticism/opinion from both points of view. It also highlights you can have excellent episodes, but they can have legitimate issues.

Nor does differences of opinion, as long as it is respectful, makes those voicing them a bully, no matter how much you disagree. 

At the end of this, if you don’t agree, and your opinion makes you say something that is intentionally hurtful (directly or indirectly to a person or group of people), it's a bad thing. The key word being intentionally. We all make mistakes, and responses that could've been better, & we all need to be aware of that, but if it is an intended attack, don't be surprised if others call you out for your behaviour. 

So now what in regards Supergirl?  

I know ultimately that this show is about Supergirl, but it is also about those around her as family & friends. I understand there are only so many minutes in one episode. What I don't understand is why those precious minutes are going to a character, when they have one perfectly placed to do the same role. Why they have to potentially explore another relationship, when we have one canon relationship, one canon on/off again relationship & one relationship that while isn't canon in terms of romantic, it is a big story in terms of best friends, all seemingly sidelined. Which brings me to the Kara fighting for Lena's soul aspect. Again, I am not seeing a lot of fighting for anything, except more and more fans fighting themselves and cast. 

Then you just need to look at the dislikes that teaser was given on YouTube, and compare them to previous ones. I've attached screenshots to show this.

A serious misjudgment was made by someone on how that teaser would be received, and again I will stress, this dislike hasn't just been from one area of fandom, but multiple areas. For many it wasn't just about William, but the culmination of unease that has built for a few episodes. A prime example of the straw that broke the camel's back. If you are solely focused on one area of fandom for this discourse (as many blame SuperCorp fans), you need to step back and recognise you are not allowing yourself to see the whole picture. To focus solely on one thing, rather than acknowledging the wider audience are saying this, does not make you the better fan. To dismiss it as trolls, is being dismissive of good, regular fans with legitimate questions or concerns. It is insulting to many of us.

I will be honest, I had high hopes for this season. I also knew it was likely going to be pretty confusing at times since it was given as 'our Black mirror season' and 'nothing is as it seems.' I accepted that.

However, all it seems at the moment is a jumbled mess from pre and post Crisis. They just doesn't appear to be any cohesion at all, which is making it really difficult as a viewer. Add in the changes post Crisis and it feels even more of a mess.

Of course, they could bring in more cohesive elements soon, but considering that we know episode 13 is 'It's a wonderful life,' and Alex Danvers in a later episode is wearing a Super suit - I just sense this whole 'nothing is as it seems' side we appear to be getting isn't changing any time soon, & with episodes running out, with so many strings running through at the moment, it feels really discombomulated. If by seasons end, they pull it off and you can look back and see how it's played out as a whole, I will be the first to say well done for that part. 

I do though think right now Supergirl feels chaotic beyond expectation, and no end in sight. I feel there have been too many character additions this season (particularly Andrea & William) that is taking screen time away from Kara, Alex, Nia, Lena, Kelly et al.

It feels like a mess of unnecessary pairings and the crux of the story seems to have been lost in the midst.

That is causing confusion for fans, that is also beginning to become frustration. That frustration is spilling over. Add in the genuine and extremely legitimate concerns over the LGBTQ issues that have arisen (again from far more than just SuperCorp fans), and the frustration has built even more. 

I can only hope the next couple of episodes address some of this and not complicate the mess further. 

Whatever happens, Supergirl is not doing well in terms of a storyline that is gripping for fans, that is now top heavy with regulars, taking screen time from established characters, and a social media blunder that has so far only exacerbated the simmering uncertainty being felt by many.

It might improve, and I sincerely hope it does, but they are edging into the potential for the anger felt by fans to become an all out riot if they don't stop and see where valid criticism is being given. If this season continues on in this vein, then there is going to be huge swathes of fans drifting away. The concerns are legitimate. I wish it could be seen as that.

[engelhexe]

Priest in the ADF

from Ishtar, sternenkreis.de

The ADF is an international pagan community oriented towards common practice (ritual sequence).

There are many paths and trainings that can be followed within the ADF.

One of them is the way of the priesthood.

In the USA, ADF is recognized as a religious community (correct American name due to other laws "Church"). Ordained priests are therefore called "Reverend" (Rev.).

Due to the different legislation, priests there are allowed to enter into legally valid marriages (in Germany only the registry office is allowed to do this!). We have agreed on the German translation of “Priesterin”, as “ADF Priests” is also used in English. Approx. 3% of the current ADF members are priests.

ADF priests are not only available to the ADF community, but (mostly locally) to all pagans in their area. Historically, this is mainly due to the fact that the ADF has seen itself as a public community from the start and was founded at a time when many pagan communities were "secret".

In the ADF we do not see priests as mediators between the divine and the members. All members are on an equal footing with the priestess. You don't have to be a priest to lead rituals. Members are encouraged to do rituals for themselves and learn how to take over parts of the ritual at a festival. Many groves and proto groves do not have priests. We currently (2017) have a little over 30 priests. In contrast, there are just over 70 groves. Neither do priests automatically speak for the ADF as an organization. The press releases or the elected board (Mutterhain) do this through the official channels.

We assume that anyone who would like to communicate with the gods, nature spirits and ancestors, the Kindred, as we call them, can do that. I don't have to be a priest to do that. And priest doesn't mean I'm best at it. And while we're on the subject: When someone is called by the gods, his / her skin color, origin, genetics, gender or sexual orientation doesn't matter at all.

Duties and functions of the ADF priesthood

As a priest one swears to love the land

to honor the gods and spirits and

to serve the community.

Oath on the sickle at an ordination.

At the 2009 Priest Council Conference, 3 main functions of the ADF priests were formulated:

1. Ensure that the offerings are made in an appropriate manner at the right time.

Like the ancient druids, ADF priests are responsible for leading the community in public rituals, ensuring that offerings are made in an appropriate manner, and thus keeping the cosmos in balance. In addition to the necessary practical knowledge, this can include organizing rituals, writing ceremonies and performing divinations. Since not all priests have a community, some of them perform this task alone. While the normal member is encouraged to practice regular private and public practice, at least regular spiritual home cult is compulsory for the priests. As a priest, I also have to be able to fulfill all roles within a ritual. While a “normal” member can sit back and say: “Divination, publicly? Oh no, I don't know it by heart so well, I don't dare to do it, I don't want to ”. The priestess has less choice. If nobody else does it, it's their job.

2. To provide ongoing education, training, and services to others.

In the ADF, all members can perform rituals, but the priests are supposed to be the experts in their religion. In order to be able to support others in their training, they must first be well trained themselves. Continuous formation is therefore compulsory for priests. In addition, they should be able to discuss polytheological topics and represent paganism at conferences and meetings. Services can include offering pastoral care or organizing a grove. Other functions can be to support groups without priests (e.g. as "traveling priests"), as well as being available as celebrants for various ceremonies, to carry out prison chaplaincy, religious groups for the military, hospital visits and in the future also to provide pastoral care for older people to stand.

3. Help forge a relationship with the Kindred.

Having a relationship with the Kindred is not the privilege of priests. In the ADF we assume that anyone who would like to communicate with ancestors, nature spirits and goddesses and gods can do so. But sometimes you need a little support, especially at the beginning. This mentoring function of the priests implicitly brings with it their own devotion and the regular performance of rituals and lived spirituality. Priests themselves must maintain a good relationship with the Kindred, give space to spirituality and lead a “good life”, if possible in harmony with the virtues of their chosen direction. Personally, I think that every person is always a role model for others, but if we are honest, the ordinary citizen expects a little more from a priestess and is all the more disappointed to find that sometimes she is just human and sometimes just as stumbles and falls.

In the ADF the priestess is basically the egg-laying woolly milk pig. Primarily broadly educated and able to take on all functions despite personal preferences. Still, someone who may have completed a seer specialization may be more proficient in divination than an ADF priest. ADF priests are supposed to be experts, but they are not necessarily specialists. The main difference between member and priestess is therefore the in-depth, broad-based training.

Overview of the tasks of the ADF priests from the lecture for the PFI conference 2017 in Berlin

How do you become an ADF priest?

In order to become a priest in the ADF, one must first complete the "basic course", the Druidic Path (DP). This takes at least a year, as 8 annual festivals must be documented. The DP is the basis for all training paths within the ADF.

This is followed by pre-training (CTP-Prelim). Then you submit an application for admission to priestly formation (CTP) with a declaration of intent and your previous work. If one is admitted, one can begin the first circle of training. After the end of the 1st circle, you can apply for ordination, which automatically applies for appointment as a priest. If this is granted you are a priest from the moment you have been appointed a priest. Ordination usually takes place later.

There are a total of 3 circles with different priestly levels and as an ADF priest you are committed to continuous further education.

It is possible to complete the 1st circle within 2.5 years of completing the Druidic Path, so you can become an ADF priest after 3.5 years of training at the earliest.

In addition, ADF priests must submit an extended certificate of good conduct and a video of a ritual.

ordination

With the ordination, the spiritual admission into the order of priests and the associated spiritual exercises take place. There is also a separate priest mailing list where you can get support and intervision and once a year a weekend for exchange, discussion, decision-making and common rituals. Ordination often takes place only after the appointment as a priest.

ADF priest stole.

It is given to the priest at ordination and is one of the few things

reserved for priests in the ADF only.

Content of the formation of priests

You get to know the organizations (ADF) and their structures better, as well as the relevant laws in my own country as a priestess (for me it was Germany).

A scientific part contains ancient cultures and mythologies (approx. 3 different) and the implementation of ancient ideas in our current practice. Furthermore, the ritual practice and understanding of ritual is deepened. A large part also makes up the spiritual personal development, which also includes regular spiritual exercises, as well as training in crisis intervention and ethics. (A list of the courses and as far as I have published my submissions can be found at the end of this article)

Lifetime priesthood?

ADF priests commit themselves to show every three years that they are doing their job and educating themselves. This prevents someone from simply collecting titles.

But I can always decide differently. I can take breaks or sabbaticals. I can withdraw from the ADF and lose my ADF priesthood. Even if I am convicted of a crime, I lose my ADF priesthood depending on the circumstances. Convicted offenders of certain offenses are lifelong probationary members and excluded from management positions within the ADF.

The exact courses: (some are already published and you can read them in English).

CTP prelim

• ADF structures, rules, politics

• Church and Law

• Indo-European Studies

• Indo-European myths

• cosmology

• Liturgy 1

Application for admission to the CTP (Clergy Training Program)

ADF Clergy Training Program, Circle 1

• Discipline 1 (This is about regular spiritual exercises and practice)

• Liturgical internship 1: Domestic cult practice

• Ethics 1

• crisis intervention

• Liturgical writing 1

• Indo-European myths 2

• Divination 1

• Magic 1 for priests

• Trance 1

Application for ordination, submission of a portfolio

Note: This text was in free and shortened form part of the lecture on the ADF Priesterweg at the PFI Conference 2017 in Berlin

Pictures:

Oath on the sickle during an ordination. Photo published with kind permission by Jan Wieland.

Egg-laying woolly milk sow used in the collage about the tasks of the ADF priest By Georg Mittenecker CC BY-SA 2.5, via Wikimedia Commons

Image of an ADF stole by Admin

Additional articles:

Priester im ADF

von Ishtar, sternenkreis.de

Der ADF ist eine internationale, auf gemeinsame Praxis (Ritualablauf) ausgerichtete Pagane Gemeinschaft.

Innerhalb des ADF gibt es viele Wege und Ausbildungen die man gehen kann.

Einer davon ist der Weg der Priesterschaft.

In den USA ist ADF als Religionsgemeinschaft (korrekte Amerikanische Bezeichnung aufgrund anderer Gesetze „Kirche“) anerkannt. Ordinierte Priester tragen daher die Bezeichnung „Reverend“ (Rev.).

Aufgrund der unterschiedlichen Gesetzgebung ist es Priestern dort erlaubt rechtsgültige Ehen zu schließen (in Deutschland darf das nur das Standesamt!). Wir haben uns auf die deutsche Übersetzung „PriesterIn“ geeinigt, da im Englischen auch von „ADF Priests“ gesprochen wird. Ca. 3% der aktuellen ADF Mitglieder sind Priester.

ADF PriesterInnen stehen nicht nur der ADF Gemeinschaft zur Verfügung, sondern (meist lokal) allen Heiden in ihrer Umgebung. Das liegt historisch insbesondere daran, dass der ADF sich von Anfang an als öffentliche Gemeinschaft gesehen hat und zu einer Zeit gegründet wurde, wo viele Pagane Gemeinschaften „geheim“ waren.

Im ADF verstehen wir PriesterInnen nicht als Vermittler zwischen dem Göttlichen und den Mitgliedern. Alle Mitglieder stehen mit der Priesterin gleichberechtigt nebeneinander. Man muss auch nicht Priester sein um Rituale zu leiten. Mitglieder werden ermuntert selber für sich Rituale zu machen und zu lernen wie man Teile des Rituals bei einem Fest übernehmen kann. Viele Haine und Protohaine haben keine Priester. Wir haben zur Zeit (2017) etwas über 30 PriesterInnen. Dem gegenüber stehen knapp über 70 Haine. Priester sprechen auch nicht automatisch für den ADF als Organisation. Das tut der Pressespreche oder der gewählte Vorstand (Mutterhain) über die offiziellen Kanäle.  

Wir gehen davon aus, dass jede und jeder der gerne mit den Göttern, Naturgeistern und Ahnen, den Kindred, wie wir sie nennen, kommunizieren möchte das tun kann. Dazu muss ich nicht Priester sein. Und Priester bedeutet nicht, dass ich das am besten kann. Und wenn wir schon beim Thema sind: Wenn jemand von den Göttern gerufen wird, ist seine / Ihre Hautfarbe, Herkunft, Genetik, Geschlecht oder sexuelle Orientierung vollkommen egal.

Aufgaben und  Funktion der ADF Priesterschaft

Als Priester schwört man das Land zu lieben,

die Götter und Geister zu ehren und

der Gemeinschaft zu dienen.

Schwur an der Sichel bei einer Ordination.

An der Priesterrat Konferenz 2009 wurden 3 Hauptfunktionen der ADF Priester formuliert:

1.    Sicherzustellen, dass die Opfergaben zur richtigen Zeit in angemessener Art und Weise durchgeführt werden.

Wie die antiken Druiden sind ADF Priester dafür verantwortlich die Gemeinschaft in öffentlichen Ritualen zu leiten, sicherzustellen, dass die Opfergaben in angemessener Weise durchgeführt werden und so den Kosmos im Gleichgewicht zu halten. Nebst der dafür notwendigen praktischen Kenntnis, kann dies das Organisieren von Ritualen, Schreiben von Zeremonien und durchführen von Divinationen beinhalten. Da nicht alle PriesterInnen eine Gemeinschaft haben, nehmen einige diese Aufgabe auch alleine wahr. Während das normale Mitglied zur regelmäßigen privaten und öffentlich Praxis ermuntert wird, ist zumindest der regelmäßige spirituelle Hauskult für die PriesterInnen Pflicht.  Ich muss als PriesterIn auch in der Lage sein alle Rollen innerhalb eines Rituals erfüllen zu können. Während dem sich ein „normales“ Mitglied zurücklehnen kann und sagen kann: „Divination, öffentlich? Ach nein, das kann ich nicht so gut auswendig, das trau ich mich nicht, will ich nicht“. Die Priesterin hat da weniger die Wahl. Wenn‘s niemand anderes macht, ist es ihre Aufgabe.  

2.    Kontinuierliche Weiterbildung, Ausbildung und Dienstleistungen für andere bereitzustellen.   

Im ADF können alle Mitglieder Rituale durchführen, aber die Priester sollen die Experten für ihre Religion sein. Um andere in ihrer Ausbildung unterstützen zu können, müssen sie selbst zunächst gut ausgebildet sein. Daher ist eine kontinuierliche Ausbildung für Priester Pflicht. Zusätzlich sollten sie in der Lage sein polytheologische Themen besprechen zu können und das Heidentum an Konferenzen und Versammlung repräsentieren zu können. Dienstleistungen können beinhalten Seelsorge anzubieten oder einen Hain zu organisieren. Andere Funktionen können sein Gruppen ohne Priester zu unterstützen (z.B. als “Wanderpriester”),  wie auch als Zelebrant für unterschiedliche Zeremonien zur Verfügung zu stehen, Gefängnisseelsorge, Religionsgruppen für das Militär durchzuführen, Krankenhaus Besuche und in der Zukunft auch für ältere Menschen seelsorgerisch zur Verfügung zu stehen.  

3.    Unterstützen eine Beziehung zu den Kindred zu formen.

Eine Beziehung zu den Kindred zu haben ist nicht das Privileg der Priester. Im ADF gehen wir davon aus, dass jede/r die/der gerne mit den Ahnen, Naturgeistern und Göttinnen und Göttern kommunizieren möchte das auch tun kann. Manchmal braucht es aber gerade am Anfang etwas Unterstützung. Diese Mentorenfunktion der Priester bringt implizit auch die eigene Hingabe und das regelmäßige durchführen von Ritualen und gelebte Spiritualität mit sich. PriesterInnen müssen selbst eine gute Beziehung zu den Kindred pflegen, der Spiritualität Raum geben und ein „gutes Leben“ führen, möglichst im  Einklang mit den Tugenden ihrer gewählten Richtung. Persönlich finde ich, dass jede/r Mensch immer ein Vorbild für andere ist, aber wenn wir ehrlich sind, erwartet der 08 / 15 Bürger von einer Priesterin schon etwas mehr und ist umso enttäuschter festzustellen, dass sie manchmal auch nur ein Mensch ist und manchmal genauso stolpert und fällt.

Im ADF ist die Priesterin im Grunde die Eierlegende Wollmilchsau. Vornehmlich breit ausgebildet und trotz persönlicher Präferenzen in der Lage, alle Funktionen übernehmen zu können. Dennoch wird jemand, der vielleicht eine Spezialisierung zur Seherin durchgeführt hat, im Bereich Divination möglicherweise kompetenter sein als ein ADF PriesterIn. ADF PriesterInnen sollen quasi Experten sein, sind aber nicht unbedingt Spezialisten. Der Hauptunterschied zwischen Mitglied und PriesterIn ist somit die vertiefte, breitangelegte Ausbildung.

Übersicht über die Aufgaben der ADF Priester aus dem Vortrag für die PFI Konferenz 2017 in Berlin

Wie wird man ADF Priester?

Um im ADF Priester zu werden muss man zuerst den „Basiskurs“, den Druidischen Pfad (DP) durchführen. Dies dauert mindestens ein Jahr, da 8 Jahreskreisfeste dokumentiert werden müssen. Der DP ist die Grundlage für alle Ausbildungswege innerhalb des ADF.

Im Anschluss folgt die Vorausbildung (CTP-Prelim). Danach stellt man mit einer Absichtserklärung und seiner bisherigen Arbeit einen Antrag auf Zulassung zur Priesterausbildung (CTP). Wird man zugelassen, kann man den ersten Zirkel der Ausbildung beginnen. Nach Beendigung des 1. Zirkels kann man einen Antrag auf Ordination stellen, damit wird automatisch der Antrag auf Ernennung zur PriesterIn gestellt. Wird diesem stattgegeben ist man ab dem Moment, wo man zur PriesterIn ernannt wurde PriesterIn. Die Ordination erfolgt meist später.

Es gibt insgesamt 3 Zirkel mit unterschiedlichen Priesterstufen und als ADF Priester verpflichtet man sich zur kontinuierlichen Weiterbildung.

Es ist möglich den 1. Zirkel innerhalb von 2,5 Jahren nach Abschluss des druidischen Pfades zu beenden, also kann man frühestens nach einer Ausbildung von 3,5 Jahren ADF PriesterIn werden.

Zusätzlich müssen ADF Priester ein erweitertes Führungszeugnis abgeben und ein Video eines Rituals einschicken.

Ordination

Mit der Ordination erfolgt die spirituelle Aufnahme in den Priesterorden und damit verbundene spirituelle Übungen. Auch gibt es eine eigene Priester Mailingliste wo man sich Unterstützung und Intervision einholen kann und einmal im Jahr ein Wochenende zum Austausch, Besprechen, Entscheiden, gemeinsame Rituale machen. Die Ordination erfolgt häufig erst nach der Ernennung zur PriesterIn.

ADF Priesterstola.

Sie wird der PriesterIn bei der Ordination verleiht und ist eines der wenigen Sachen,

die nur den Priestern im ADF vorbehalten sind.

Inhalt der Priesterausbildung

Man lernt die Organisatione (ADF) und ihre Strukturen besser kennen, wie auch die für mich als Priesterin relevanten Gesetze im eigenen Land (für mich war das Deutschland).

Ein wissenschaftlicher Teil beinhaltet Antike Kulturen und Mythologien (ca. 3 unterschiedliche) und die Umsetzung antiker Ideen in unsere heutige Praxis. Weiterhin wird die Ritualpraxis und das Ritualverständnis vertieft. Ein großer Teil macht auch die spirituelle Persönlichkeitsentwicklung aus, zu der auch regelmäßige spirituelle Übungen gehören, wie auch eine Ausbildung in Krisenintervention und Ethik. (Eine Auflistung der Kurse und soweit ich wie veröffentlicht habe meine Einreichungen findet ihr am Schluss von diesem Artikel)

Priesterschaft auf Lebzeiten?

ADF Priester verpflichten sich dazu alle drei Jahre zu zeigen, dass sie ihre Arbeit tun und sich weiterbilden. Dadurch wird verhindert, dass jemand einfach nur Titel sammelt.

Ich kann mich aber jederzeit anders entscheiden. Ich kann Pausen oder Sabbaticals einlegen. Ich kann aus dem ADF austreten und verliere so meine ADF Priesterschaft. Auch wenn ich für eine Straftat verurteilt werde verliere ich je nachdem meine ADF Priesterschaft. Verurteilte Straftäter von bestimmten Straftaten sind ihr Leben lang Mitglieder auf Probe und von Führungspositionen innerhalb des ADF ausgeschlossen.

Die genauen Kurse: (einige sind bereits veröffentlicht und ihr könnt sie auf Englisch nachlesen).

CTP-Prelim

•    ADF Strukturen, Regeln, Politik

•    Kirche und Gesetz

•    Indo-Europäische Studien

•    Indo-Europäische Mythen

•    Kosmologie

•    Liturgie 1

Antrag auf Zulassung zum CTP (Clergy Training Program)

ADF Clergy Training Program, Zirkel 1

•    Disziplin 1  (Hier geht es um regelmäßige spirituelle Übungen und Praxis)

•    Liturgisches Praktikum 1: Häusliche Kultpraxis

•    Ethik 1

•    Krisenintervention

•    Liturgisches Schreiben 1

•    Indo-Europäische Mythen 2

•    Divination 1

•    Magie 1 für Priester

•    Trance 1

 Antrag auf Ordination, Einreichung eines Portfolios

Hinweis: Dieser Text war in freier und verkürzter Form Teil des Vortrages über den ADF Priesterweg bei der PFI Konferenz 2017 in Berlin

Bilder:

Schwur an der Sichel während einer Ordination. Foto von Jan Wieland mit freundlicher Genehmigung veröffentlicht.

Eierlegende Wollmilchsau genutzt in der Collage über die Aufgaben der ADF PriesterIn By Georg Mittenecker CC BY-SA 2.5, via Wikimedia Commons

Bild einer ADF Stola von Admin

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