#i don't want to be the one. ( OOC POSTS. ) ***

[necrotic-nephilim]

this is not a ship post, but something that frustrates me a lot in fanon concerning Jason Todd that attempts to soften Jason's return to Gotham for the sake of found family domesticity or easy hurt/comfort or just sliding him into the Batfam sooner, is they all seem to fundamentally misunderstand Jason.

because there seem to be a lot of fandom popular concepts of Jason coming home much sooner and just not having his whole Under The Red Hood arc. which in theory is fine and i can see the want to simplify canon to make room for your lighthearted more fluff-leaning concepts. but in everyone without fail, the way they address the clown-shaped elephant in the room is by having some throwaway line that "oh Jason quietly kills the Joker and moves on".

when the Joker being dead or alive is not the *point*. if by some chance accident, the Joker had died prior to Jason's return, whether by ridiculous freak accident, getting whacked by a fellow villain, hell even someone actually doing so to avenge Jason, it *would not* satiate Jason's anger. because Jason's end goal in UtRH is not to simply kill the Joker: it is to make *Bruce* kill the Joker. Jason's anger is directed to the idea that to Jason, if Bruce truly loved Jason, he would've killed the Joker. that is love, for Jason. compromising your personal values for love and not letting someone go unavenged. when Jason was Robin, almost every angry or misguided thing he did was born of love. he wanted to kill/hurt Two-Face because he believed Dent killed his father. he was so angry at Felipe because an innocent woman was dead due to that man's actions. he wanted to save his mother in a situation he knew he shouldn't be in because he loved her. his anger, his violence, it is driven by love and feelings of righting wrongs. that is how he thinks wrongs *should* be righted. that is how you avenge and *love* someone.

because so long as Jason's return to Gotham doesn't end in Bruce killing the Joker (which, it never will bc Bruce is Bruce), Jason will never forgive Bruce. you cannot wave away the layers of hurt and complicated trauma by killing Joker offscreen. because Jason will still be angry that Bruce didn't avenge him. in his eyes, that means Bruce did not love him enough. he was not truly loved by Bruce the way he loved Bruce. bc Bruce was Jason's whole *world*. prior to being taken in, Dick and Tim, they had support systems. they had loved ones. they knew what stability and healthy family love looked like. Jason *didn't*. and that's not to say that Catherine Todd did not love him with her whole heart and thus he loved her, but it certainly wasn't a stable and safe support system for Jason to grow up in. Bruce was Jason's first real sense of a stable, healthy life. and so of course Jason poured everything into Bruce and loved Bruce so devoutly. Bruce was his world. like he says, if it had been Bruce, Jason would've stopped at nothing.

so his betrayal is rooted in that he was not avenged, not that Joker is alive. so long as the Joker does not die by Bruce's hands, it will never be enough for Jason. (in this era, at least.) notably, this is also why i don't think it would change a thing if Jason knew the whole "oh Bruce wanted to kill the Joker but Superman stopped him" tidbit that fanon has really latched onto as a way to pacify Jason's anger toward Bruce. Jason knowing that wouldn't change a thing, in my opinion. because Jason knows Bruce. and a tenant of Bruce's character is that he grapples with murder *every day*. the whole point is how *easy* it would be for him. he is a human weapon, trained by killers, trained to be deadly. he is the greatest strategist to exist. he knows he could kill someone and get away with it. *no* trace, no proof, nothing. and he knows he *wants* to. wants to kill the Joker, Joe Chill, anyone who's hurt him that viscerally.

but he *doesn't*. that's the point. Bruce wakes up every day with that question on his mind, and every day the answer is the same. Bruce's morality is not a decision he made in an alleyway when his parents died, it's a decision he continues to make every day and he *must* continue to make in order to remain who he is. Jason is quite familiar with the fact that Bruce grapples with this daily. i do not think it surprised nor fazed Jason to know that Bruce did *consider* killing the Joker. that he wanted to. maybe even planned to. but a consideration, a want, a plan, is just a thought. it's nothing substantial, and substance is everything to Jason. at the end of the day, Bruce didn't. he was talked down by *Clark* of all people with an excuse of diplomatic immunity, as if Jason and Bruce don't both know that Bruce could've *easily* found a way to make it look like an accident or some other loophole. because he's Batman. there's always a loophole. he always finds a way when he actually intends to. but he never actually intended to kill the Joker. so he didn't. and Jason would know that there was never an intent. it's an interesting piece of fodder to add to the nuance of Jason and Bruce, but honestly, i think it'd make Jason angrier to have that excuse thrown in his face. as if Bruce hasn't beaten Clark half a dozen times by now. it's a flimsy nonsense excuse that Jason would rip to shreds.

so while yes, i understand the wish for easy lighthearted fanfic that doesn't have to deal with the nuances of canon, i think that Jason's character will always be so deeply robbed and altered if you try to fix his thirst for vengeance with an off-page killing of Joker at Jason's hands. it was never the point. the point was that -in his own eyes- he wasn't loved enough for Bruce to make an acception. he realized that not even his *death* would come before Bruce's Mission. Jason truly believed that Bruce loved him and held him as the most important thing in the world, and now he has proof that Bruce didn't. because the Mission mattered more.

i'm not saying i have a solution to this conundrum if you're attempting to solve it for fanfic/fanon, nor am i even saying it's a bad thing it exists. i just think it becoming overwhelmingly common has led to misunderstandings surrounding Jason's motivations and feelings about this arc and it's an unsatisfying solution that only seeks to pacify Jason's rage and his trauma responses for the sake of found family-ification.

[ask-grian-life-series]

“Is it even working?”

“Okay. I think I've got it. I think I've definitely got it this time.”

“...Here we go.”

[image text: Erm. Hello? I'm a bit lost. I don't actally know who I'm talking to right now.]

“Can anyone... hear this?”

[enruint]

clown jumpscare on the dash. the clown is me. i had this whole essay written out but i decided not to post that bc i am allergic to being perceived and to ever share what's going on with me. sorry chat if i were a character in a show or book i'd be the one the fans would psycho-analyze and decide that 'he'd rather have his nails pulled out one by one than share his feelings tf???' does that mean i'd be the dreaded fan fav?? having the most outrageous takes written about me??? i am joking. but also i am not. as in i am not joking about not wanting to share beyond the bare minimum on the dash right now. gotta keep up my clown face after all JHSABJKDDF anyway!! let me be srs for just a second: the one thing i will share is that i feel so burnt out. and that in turn makes me feel so icky when i log in here. i don't know what it is but i've been on a sort of semi-hiatus for 4 months alrdy and nothing really changed. i want to write here but i also don't want to. it's sickening honestly. i am going to put this blog on an official hiatus rn when it comes to ic writing until i know what to do. you're free to unfollow bc i really don't know when i'll be writing here and i hate saying that i will and then end up not doing anything. save for maybe writing some meta posts once in a blue moon, i don't think i'll be doing much. and even that i can't promise at this point. all this to say that i'll continue to be very scarce for a while. or i'll just remake. it's all up in the air for now. we'll see what future me decides.

[mad-hunts]

okay, so... i HAVE to know whether anyone else has experienced the same thing as me yesterday because this was wild to log onto JSJSJ so, after taking a bit of a break from tumblr altogether yesterday, i logged onto this account only to discover that i had 99+ notifications.

and you know who they were from? a literal tumblr called STALKER of stuff, like UMM?? it lowkey (okay, highkey, NGL LOL) kinddd of creeped me out because it seems like they went through all of my posts and liked them for some reason, which 😅 i'm not trying to say those that like my content can't like it OFC, but idk.

something about it was just weird. (now, i humbly request that y'all please just block this person if you come across them instead of engaging with them. but if you want to do so, then i know that i can't stop y'all, though dang — this was bizarre. ESPECIALLY because right after i blocked them on their main account, they seemed to like one of my posts with another account they had because it had almost the exact same username.)

[ashedrose]

the roleplay world, regardless of fandom, is a community.

i have made amazing friends since finding this hobby. i've met some in person, i text regularly with others, we share other socials, it has surpassed just talking about our muses. it's true friendship, and i absolutely love that such a good friendship could come from this silly little site and hobby.

every fandom i've ever been a part of has always been so passionate. i've developed new ships, new opinions, changed perspectives. it's truly such an experience aside from just what we write!

and to sour someone's experience, to limit their community, to guilt trip into cutting connections? that's fucking foul. we don't all have to be friends, we just have to be respectful. and there's a lack of that happening lately that simply is not okay.

protect your boundaries, absolutely. but there was absolutely no reason to drag anyone's names or spread lies to try and hog people your way. i'm friends with plenty of people who are friends with people i don't care for. you know what i do? mind my fucking business.

you know what's also a foul move in a community? scamming.

there's a level of trust we automatically create here, and lying and scamming others for your own gain? to then try and gaslight them deeper into a lie? i wish you nothing but the help you need.

i've been in this fandom since 2017ish, and i don't plan on going anywhere. if you find the need to not have me as a mutual, that's okay! it's all love as long as we keep it respectful.

and to my mutuals, ily all to fucking bits and pieces of the blown up sept <3

[erabundus]

HAPPY BLOG ANNIVERSARY!

it's  officially  midnight  here,  which  means  i'm  allowed  to  post  this!  so ...  happy  one  year  anniversary  of  enduring  the  plague  of  avalon  upon  your  dashboards!  alternatively,  thank  you  so  much  for  giving  me  a  place  to  babble  about  my  #1  favorite  comfort  character  who  has  experienced  zero  comfort.  (  i  swear  i  am  being  SO  NORMAL  about  this.  yes i did literally buy  cake  and  party  hats.  )  whether  we  speak  on  the  daily,  you've  just  gotten  here  or  anywhere  in  between,  i  want  to  extend  my  sincerest  gratitude  for  being  on  this  absolutely  wild  ride  of  a  blog  with  me.  there's  been  ups  and  downs,  but  ultimately  i  feel  like  my  passion  for  writing  has  been  ignited  stronger  than  it's  ever  been  before.  i  am  still  always  so  excited  whenever  i  get  the  chance  to  log  on  here  and  create  stories  with  all  of  you  —  and  i  wouldn't  have  that  opportunity  if  it  wasn't  for  this little  corner  of  the  internet  you've  helped  make truly special.

there  are  so  many  of  you  i  feel  lucky  to  have  met.  (  and  so  many  i  would  love  to  get  to  know  better,  too!  )  i  hope  we  can  continue  writing  together  for  many  more  anniversaries  to  come.  and  if  the  day  ever  comes  that  they  finally  pull  the  plug  on  this  cockroach  of  a  hellsite,  i'll  forever remember  this  community  as  the  rpc  that  got me to  laugh  at  petrichor.

have  a  wonderful  day  /  night!  i'm  sharing  the  cake  with  everyone  in  spirit.

[symbologic]

Luffy vs. Zoro at Whiskey Peak

Unpopular opinion maybe, but the Luffy vs. Zoro clash in Whiskey Peak made sense for their characters. You could even argue that it was bound to happen, given their personalities.

Luffy likes the people who feed him. In the the face of their suffering, no matter who's responsible, he's too angry to concern himself with the reasons behind it. Zoro, on the other hand, prefers to handle things independently without saying much about it, especially if it means his crew gets to enjoy themselves a little longer

So it's not really surprising that Luffy would be blindsided by finding their hosts cut up by his swordsman, and that this would send him flying into a fit of rage. If he's never paused to listen to context or backstories before now, why would he start here? And of course, Zoro is not the type to back down from a challenge. He will match Luffy's energy and respond in kind

"But if Luffy were a good captain, he would have stopped to listen to Zoro's side of the story." Vivi tells him he's a bad captain two arcs later, precisely because of this kind of behavior. It clearly leaves an impression on Luffy, and we see he's grown into a better leader by the time he reaches Amazon Lily. (Almost as if Oda set all this development up on purpose with Whiskey Peak. HMM...)

"But Luffy refused to believe that Nami had killed Usopp in Arlong Park." This argument is like comparing apples to oranges. Nami did not actually do the murder that Johnny and Yosaku claim they saw, nor is she capable of killing people in cold blood. Of course Luffy isn't going to believe Nami killed Usopp based on hearsay. But in Whiskey Peak, Zoro did cut those bounty hunters. Luffy sees the evidence for himself, and he knows the carnage Zoro is capable of inflicting once he puts his mind to it. There is no denying what happened. Nothing other than Zoro saying "someone else did this" (or Nami knocking the soul out of him) was going to stop Luffy from going ballistic

"Why would Luffy fight so hard to recruit Zoro into his crew, firmly believing that he wasn't a bad person, only to later attack him because he believed Zoro was capable of harming 'innocent' people?" Because the fight was never about whether their hosts were "innocent" or not, not really. Their fight was about what Zoro did (assaulting the ones who fed them), and how those actions made Luffy feel (mad as hell, because these people FED THEM) For Luffy, context did not actually matter at that moment in time because, for him, "they fed me" unequivocally means "they're my friend", full stop This is even shown again in Mocktown! Both when Luffy unquestioningly eats an apple from Doc Q, and when Bellamy buys Luffy a drink in Mocktown. In the first case, Luffy only lived because he was lucky. And in the second case, he assumes Bellamy is a good person despite all evidence to the contrary, only to have his face brutally smashed into the bartop by Bellamy. Luffy is shockingly bad at reading people who try to feed him.

Luffy has interpersonal conflicts with all the core members from East Blue at different times. The fight with Zoro is the only one instigated by Luffy. But surprisingly, their fight highlights their similarities instead of their differences. They still fight equally and work together against BW agents who try to interfere with their fight.

I think that's what Oda wanted to showcase with this scene.

In short, Luffy's initial anger stemmed from his protectiveness towards those who have fed him, while Zoro's actions were driven by his dedication to the crew and subsequent refusal to back down from Luffy's challenge. It was a clash resulting from miscommunication and misunderstanding, something that is not typically a problem for them — until it suddenly becomes one When all is said and done, they're both quick to forgive and forget. This, too, is fitting for both their characters. From that point onward, Zoro continues to demonstrate that Luffy's trust is not misplaced. And Luffy never, ever doubts Zoro again after this

[atopvisenyashill]

looking back i DO wish i whacked rhaenyra more in that one ask i got about “it’s just kind of stupid for rhaenyra to execute one of her siblings right” i got really focused on that show moment from alicent’s perspective because…shamefully i will admit………….as an aligon shipper i was like how dARE THEY DO THIS TO ME like i’m still heated tbh i know how they wanted that scene to hit and i did NOT feel it on the alicent/aegon end.

but like that’s the point i’m always on about, is the kinslaying thing is SERIOUS and there’s simply no way for rhaenyra to recover politically from publicly executing or being explicitly linked to aegon’s death when she’s ALREADY facing maegor allegations!! and rhaenyra knows this it’s why she’s so angry at daemon. optics are simply so much more important for her & if she’s trying to take the throne while she’s a woman and she’s got these fucking andal/first men looking kids, she can’t just DO SHIT LIKE THAT. and how do i know she can’t recover politically? it’s bc she doesn’t lmao helaena is the precursor the city needs to explode in part because of the kinslaying taboo!!! nyra’s a woman clearly aware of the optics, she talks about how she’s perceived constantly when she tries to emulate visenya, when she does her ding dong ditch routine with aemond, when she slaps whatshisface and talks about fear, even if she’s colossally bad at judging how her actions will look, she knows how shes SUPPOSED to be looking. so it was like rhaenyra. that’s a dumb ultimatum and you KNOW it’s dumb, there's NO WAY these people will forgive you for executing YOUR OWN BROTHER after your party (regardless of who is to blame, again, something she KNOWS) just murdered his child while he was sleeping in bed.

so that was why that convo annoyed me to the level it did. i didn’t love the sept scene for example but at least the general conversation they were having fit the characters - the stubborn rhaenyra “we need to sue for peace” vs the frustrated alicent “we live in reality not your head” IS a common argument w those two, so i do Get what they’re going for on a character level. but the finale scene didn’t feel like an argument between two people who have known each other their whole lives, there simply weren’t enough low blows. i think rhaenyra could get away with out and out killing aemond bc of the luke death but literally anyone else named targaryen looks just soooo bad so it was frustrating not only for rhaenyra to stupidly suggest this but then alicent crumbling immediately made me gasp at my screen i was so mad.

[deadn30n]

i think one of my favourite things about being able to mod in FFXIV is being able to show the gradual and fluid transition to which solstice starts physically fleshing themselves out overtime. i'll talk more in depth about it later, but it's a very very important and key point in the novel. because they go from being almost a blank slate ( the first picture ), to reconstructing their outward appearance to suit their own preference ( the second picture ). there's a lot of nuance behind why && how this all happens, and i just know that translating it from my rp with my bff to actual writing in the novel is going to be so much fun.

it's important to remember that the race of angels solstice is 'born' from ( although i use the term 'born' very loosely because they were created first as a machine by their world's god ) do not perceive gender. gender is not a thing in their society. you are not born female or male, you are simply you. there are no specific defining features that set you apart with labels like 'male' or 'female'. you have the option later on to give yourself a gender-identity if you so wish, but most angels kinda vibe. they could give two shits less about it and only give themselves reproductive organs for the sake of procreating. most of them walk around in a similar fashion to solstice's 'blank slate'.

[mercless]

🗡 dozing off writing replies but im curious how others go about writing out stuff/the order you write particular parts, and if you have a different way of writing depending on if it's a reply, ask, or a drabble 🤔 in most cases I find I write out any spoken words first, then the tones or actions done while talking, and then depending on the writing purpose add trains of thought, other actions or specific actions that convey emotions. stuff I looove getting lost in writing include describing scenes, settings, environments, food or the time of day! for drabbles I usually start with these descriptive elements to get into the mood of it.

[lovewithoutagony]

GUYS STOP. I FINALLY GOT AN IDEA FOR SIMEBARB HALLOWEEN STORY HOLD MY HAND WHILE I WALK YOU THERE

Swan Lake inspired with some unhinged cannibalistic twist + smoking hot vampire love interest mmm

simeon would be the cursed swan (obv) who coincidentally meets a vampire who's looking for prey

just when the vampire thinks he's found a perfect, pretty prey, he's met with a surprise!

I'm making it a freak 4 freak story and how their love does break Simeon's curse but it actually causes more inconvenience to others but their love is twisted like that yk

snippet underneath!

He takes a deep breath in, slowly exhaling while his eyes remain fixed on a graceful figure.

It is quite difficult to discern the details from a vantage point this high, but he is certain in the beauty in how the figure's hair flows, the grace in the person's every move.

The vampire gulps, licks his lips. He finally finds a prey for the night. With his eyes never straying from the elegant silhouette, he moves with the speed of a hawk, and in a blink, he is in the dim alleyway, a few steps away from the figure he admires a second ago.

Silent as a cat, he walks towards the beauty, swiping a singular stem of potted rose from a windowsill.

The mysterious person remains oblivious as the vampire encircles him, only squeaking in surprise when a deep, silvery voice resounds in the night air.

" A fine evening, is it not? May I ask where you are off to, alone, in this beautiful night?" The sentence was spoken with a smile, which falters once the vampire finally sees for himself the face of the human that caught his attention.

Green eyes widened im pleasant surprise.

The face in front of him, is an exquisite concoction of the sharp masculine beauty present in the lines of his jaws and brows, mixed with the delicate, gentle beauty that is in his eyes and lips.

Not to forget the quality in which his long, dark hair shines in the moonlight, ethereal in its glow, and the elegant yet alluring curves of his body which are accentuated by a mesh tied around his waist.

His beautiful blue eyes are widened in shock by the unexpected presence, and his lovely lips parted in tandem, all while the vampire drinks in the enchanting sight with delight.

A hot breath subtly fans the vampire's neck when the beauty exhales.

" Good evening.. Do you need anything, gentle sir?"

The vampire chuckles at the cautious act of the human, silently thinking how useless his defense is when he is wandering alone in the night to begin with.

With a smile as mysterious as the night, he offers the dark red rose to the man, elated in silence as the beauty delicately accepts it.

The man fiddles the stem between his fingers, fixing his eyes on the strangely glowing pair of emerald ones, feeling abashed the longer he stares.

" Has no one warned you not to walk alone under the moon's presence?" He intently watches as the human slightly furrows his brows at the peculiar question,

" And why would anyone warn me so?" He cautiously, trying to be discreet as he possibly can, backs away from the looming figure before his back meets a wall.

The vampire keeps eyeing him, his eyes never straying away from the ocean blue ones, as he approaches the human closer and closer.

" Because, dear beauty.. There are monsters like me lurking in the night to harm pretty things like you," he whispers, and instantly, the beauty finds the creature caging him in his arms against the wall. The vampire takes a whiff of the human's scent, and he gulps.

This human smells so sweet. Divine, even.

" If I'm merciful enough, I would turn you into a vampire and brand you as mine forever... Let's see how my mood is by the end of the night."

The human's eyes widen once more, shaken by the words and the eerie, yet attractive smirk that paints the vampire's lips. Before he knows it, he feels a sharp pain intruding his senses at one side of his neck, and he screams in surprise and pain.

The helpless human is made hyper-aware of all the sensations; his pounding heart, the sharp pain on his neck, how his hot blood is trickling out, the way the vampire laps his neck, the lips kissing the wound from time to time..

He could do nothing as he accepts his fate, powerless to stop the vampire, nor could he hold back his own moans from spilling out.

By the time the creature pulls away, albeit slightly, he takes notice on how the human's head seems to be spinning, how his eyes struggles to focus. The vampire licks his lips in cherish.

" Hmm.. you taste as sweet as you look, beauty,"

Usually, he would drink the blood of his prey until there's nothing left, but there's something about the man caged in his arms that makes him do the opposite of his habits.

" A vampire... Huh?" The beauty huffs, eyes finally focusing on the vampire in front while fresh blood still actively trickles down the graceful curve of his neck.

" I've always wanted to taste one," With a smile all too innocent and alluring, the human lunges forward and take a huge bite out of the vampire's trapezium.

He barely registers the situation until his eyes refocuses on the beautiful face in front of him, now blood soaked as the 'human' chews on a chunk of his own flesh in delight.

The vampire is stunned to silence, only afford to watch the human savour his flesh with both of his eyes closed, humming after he swallows,

" Mmm... A spicy tang to it. I think I quite like it,"

Flashing his sharp fangs and canines to the vampire with a grin.

To be continued..

[xiii-e]

//ooc posting: I NEED to find more fun/silly things to do with my two they are Not meant to be all agony all the time I swear- I just have a penchant for the dramatic and they're a little in the torment nexus o(-< but on god they will Have Fun too

[beforecreation]

The people have had it too good for too long.

like this post and Beerus will just obliterate you. Just completely wipe you off the face of the planet. Just absolutely and utterly destroy your very being. Just actually removed from this life and sent into the next.

[fraudulent-cheese]

[mad-hunts]

roleplay idea: barton's trying to say this BS that he's 'good at processing grief' when your muse was a witness to the absolute rage-filled and deranged rampage that barton went on after julien was killed by the joker in which he brutally hurt all but one of his henchmen (he killed the last one because he told him he was 'crazy' and that he 'better kill him, or he was going to tell his boss that barton had been there' and he literally just snapped, went 'you know what, i think i will kill you AND also let the joker know i killed you so he knows to never come near my family again' then killed him. like HUHHH?) at the time with your muse being like this

[devourcr]

↪ HEADCANONS

tw for slavery, abuse, csa. → these headcanons will include mentions & discussion of marius, so if that's upsetting for you you, this really isn't something you have to read.

NOTE: i shouldn't have to put a disclaimer here, but nothing i'm about to say excuses, apologizes, etc, for any character's actions. i'm putting it on my blog so that no one assumes anything about my portrayal.

first thing to note, a lot of my headcanons surrounding armand and his backstory have a lot to do with how i feel about ar's views on age, history, and consent.

the mistaken idea that people were older in history than they are now. this isn't going to be an analysis of ar's views or anything like that, but they do have a lot to do with how i interpret the text.

iMAGINE A HEADCANON POST WITH SO MANY FUCKING DISCLAIMERS —

my armand does not begin a romantic/sexual relationship with marius until he's an adult. is there still a power dynamic between them? absolutely. is it still wrong to groom someone to become a vampire and to eventually have a sexual relationship with your pupil? YES. absolutely 100% yes.

following the trauma at the brothel, armand spends a long time in recovery, there's no sexual relationships with anyone for years. i maintain a lot of tva, particularly regarding armand's relationships with his brothers, riccardo, and with bianca. and he puts marius on a pedestal that is easily taken advantage of.

i don't know how the show will portray things. i will say that i feel like there's a point to armand jumping from 15 to 20 in his storytelling. so, for my portrayal ( both show and amc verses ), armand begins any sexual relationships then and only then.

when it comes to the painters and the donations, also beginning at 20.

i do not want to dive into why i think this happened or how i think it did on my dash or, honestly, much in general. bc it's a triggering topic to me, it's triggering to others, and i don't think it's necessary for me to talk to in depth about it.

armand's feelings towards his maker are complex. they are conflicting. life in venice was one of the happiest times of his life, but it also included some of the worst.