#i don't want to be done with them i don't want to hate them
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cj-the-random-artist · 3 days ago
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I let them get friendship married so Narinder can get his tax benefits lol
But legitimately. I mulled this one over repeatedly for literal months. Like. Do I want them to get married in front of the cult? Should they even get married? It would be hilarious if the Goat married them and then cried at the altar the whole time, but also... that doesn't feel right, so maybe I won't do that. And then once I decided it should be a personal friendship-marriage ritual where it's just the pair of them making vows to each other, I wrote four different scripts and hated them all and ended up just pulling this one out of thin air pretty much on the spot and that was that. At one point, I wanted Lambert to basically suggest this idea and then have them get friend-married on the spot, but that didn't feel right (and it was also gonna be unreasonably long) so that's why there's no context going into this one. And the actual friend-marriage ritual is... maybe not the best designed one ever? I wanted it to in some ways be similar to like, the way I imagine a romantic marriage happening in the cult- the parties exchange vows and do rings and stuff...? (If it's not obvious, I haven't been to many weddings...) But I figured they wouldn't want an audience, or to party with the whole cult afterwards, or anything like that. I also had them kiss each other's rings as opposed to like... faces... because one of the fights I had with myself in deciding how I would want this to go was whether it would make sense for them to kiss or not. And I ultimately decided that in this AU at least they just wouldn't want to. They're also wearing the rings on their not ring fingers cuz. Honestly it just felt right that way. Based on vibes. But basically I just wanted them to exchange a vow of eternal partnership in a very casual, chill setting, because I don't picture QPR AU Narilamb doing... anything other than that.
Also this is the rest of Lambert's office, which I actually had a pretty clear vision for after my last doodle but I didn't really bother to draw before starting this comic. Maybe I should've but eh it looks good enough. Interior backgrounds are hard......
Anyways. I think I'm happy with this one? I was enamored by the concept of a chill friendship marriage, so I definitely leaned into it here. As per usual, it's not perfect, I think I could've done a lot of stuff better / differently, but honestly?? If I were to ever get friend-married I would want it to go about like this, it makes my little aroace heart happy, and I spent too long on it to not show it to anybody. Thus. Enjoy, and also happy new year cuz I totally forgot to make a post individually about that...
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hcneymooners · 1 day ago
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⋆ woman of my dreams, don't betray me.
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wife!ambessa x wife!reader. men & minors dni.
synopsis: you and ambessa are wives, and your parents have come to visit the two of you. everything will be fine, or would've been if you mother hadn't brought up her desire for grandchildren.
cw: angst, angst with a happy ending, wife!ambessa, wife!reader, age difference, older woman/younger woman, sfw but suggestive content, emotional hurt/comfort, you're a little bit of a crybaby, anxiety attacks, discussions of children and pregnancy.
notes: i hate this so much, but ce la vie hmm? this is a drabble.
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“Sweet girl, don't bite your nails. You'll be so upset later.”
“You'll just give me the money to get them done,” you mutter. 
Still, your hands lower from your mouth to tremble yet again over the dinner you've painstakingly made.
Ambessa moves behind you, her presence steady and warm against your back. Her hands settle on your shoulders, thumbs working small circles into the knots that have been building there all day. You lean into her touch despite yourself, despite the anxiety that makes you want to vibrate out of your skin.
“Will this occur before or after you protest against me giving you too much?”
A laugh slips out of you before you can stop it, and you turn to slide your arms around her neck. You take in the strong line of her jaw, the crooked set of her lips with it’s thin stripe of golden jewlery in the middle. You thumb at it, face flushing slightly as she nips at the tip of your finger.
“My nails have yet to cost five hundred dollars, Bessa.”
“I include the tip.”
“I must be incredibly generous.”
“You are,” she hums, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Besides, you never think of tax.”
“Tax?” You say in disbelief. “What tax would they be adding that costs that much? Honestly, Bessa.”
“You never know,” she says with a slow smile. “They could swindle you very easily. You have such a trusting nature.”
“You’re ridiculous,” you tell her, cupping her face.
"Talk to me," she says, and her voice carries that gentle authority that first drew you to her. You turn away, your attempts at misleading her thwarted. "Is it your mother again?”
You stiffen under her hands. "Among other things." The roast in front of you blurs slightly. 
You can picture her expression without turning around - that careful neutrality she wears when she's processing something that angers her. It's the same look she gets in meetings when someone has said something particularly stupid.
"And what did you say to her?"
"Nothing. I deleted it. I’ve never been any good at convincing her to leave me alone." You pull away from her hands to adjust a perfectly arranged plate for the third time. "It's easier than explaining. Than having the same argument over and over about how I'll change my mind, how I just haven't met the right person yet." You pause, throat tight. "As if you're not..."
"As if I'm not what?" There's an edge to her voice now, not angry but intent. When you don't answer, she gently turns you to face her. "Look at me, little dove."
You do, though it hurts. She's beautiful in the warm kitchen light, silver hair gleaming, dark eyes fixed on yours with an intensity that still makes your heart skip even after all this time. You see the question in them and can't bear to answer it.
"The table still needs-"
"The table is perfect. You're being avoidant."
A laugh bubbles up, slightly hysterical. "Isn't that what I do best?"
"No." Her hand cups your cheek. You can smell her: blonde wood, vetiver, pink pepper, dry vanilla. "What you do best is love fiercely and completely. And we agreed that that meant being honest with one another.”
She titls your head up, presses a thumb against your pulse. The action makes you almost confess the words that crowd your throat, threatening to spill out:
I'm terrified you'll realize I can't give you the family you deserve. That one day you'll look at me and see all the things I'm not, all the things I can't be. That you'll regret choosing someone so much younger, so much less certain of their place in the world. That my mother is right and I'm being selfish, denying you something fundamental.
But before you can voice any of it, the doorbell rings. Your whole body goes rigid. Your hands come to your sides and you’re back to shaking, neck burning with sudden stress. 
“I’ll get the door,” you say.
Your voice is rasping, as if you’ve swallowed down endless snakes of smoke.
‧₊˚ ⋅  𓐐𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅ 
Dinner is excruciating. Your mother talks about your cousin's new baby, about how wonderful motherhood looks on her, about how she's "simply glowing." You push food around your plate and feel Ambessa's concerned glances, even as she masterfully deflects conversation toward politics, toward her work, toward anything else.
But with each deflection, you can feel her growing more tense beside you - the way she sets her wine glass down with just a fraction more force, how her knife scrapes against the china with military precision.
"But really," your mother says, wine glass tilting dangerously in her hand, "I just don't understand why you two haven't started trying yet. Ambessa, dear, you must want more children? And you're not getting any younger-"
The fork clatters from your hand. "Mother."
You can feel your body pulsing with that sick warmth that comes with the rush of tears. You’re boring a hole through the dining room table with your gaze, eyes growing large and wet. If you were a lamb, you’d be bleating except your mother is the wolf so who will be the one to save you? 
Beside you, Ambessa goes perfectly, terrifyingly still. The kind of stillness that precedes a storm, that makes the hair on the back of your neck rise. You can see her hand flat against the table, the metal of her rings catching the light, and you know without looking that her face has taken on that marble-smooth expression that makes junior officers quake in their boots.
"I'm only giving you something to think about, my love. I’ve been you before. You think you have so much time, you know? It’s just—you've always been so good with kids, sweetheart. Remember how you used to babysit for the Hendersons? And Ambessa's children turned out so well-"
"Stop." Your voice comes out strangled. "Please."
Ambessa's hand sneaks under the table to grasp your thigh. The touch is slightly grounding but you can feel the tremor in her fingers - not from fear, but from restraint. You know she wants you to look at her, but then you'll really begin to lose it.
You'll spill over, right into her lap, because she always could unlatch your body in ways you thought were only for other people.
You catch the slight movement of her jaw, the way she swallows whatever cutting remark she wants to make. Because this is your mother, and Ambessa—for all her power, all her authority, because of the love—is letting you handle this your way. But the tension in her body screams of fury, of a woman forced to watch her beloved take wounds she can't deflect.
"I don't see why you're being so sensitive about this. It's a natural progression-"
"Natural?" You're standing now, though you don't remember deciding to. "Natural is me not wanting to vomit every time someone mentions me being pregnant. Natural is not having a panic attack every time you send me another fertility clinic link or baby clothes or-" Your voice breaks. "I can't. I can't do this."
You flee, ignoring your mother's startled "Well!" and your father's awkward attempt to change the subject. You're halfway up the stairs before the tears start properly, and by the time you reach your bedroom, you can barely see. The door locks behind you with a satisfying click.
You stumble to the vanity, clutch blindingly at your hair to yank out the pins. You feel out of control, your hands sliding up your neck and over your face.
A sob slips out despite you clutching your fingers over your mouth, and you press at your stomach until you feel the urge to dispel the mixture of your decayed dinner and acid that sits within it.
The bed. You need to be under the bed. It's childish and ridiculous but it's where you used to hide when things got too much, and right now everything is too much. You curl up in the darkness there, pressed against the wall, and try to remember how to breathe.
Time passes. You hear murmured voices downstairs, the front door opening and closing. Footsteps on the stairs - Ambessa's, you'd know them anywhere.
"Little dove?" A gentle knock. "Let me in?"
"It's unlocked," you manage, voice thick.
The door opens. A pause.
"Are you under the bed?"
"...yeah."
Another pause. Then, to your utter astonishment, you hear grunting and turn to find Ambessa - your tall, dignified, warrior-queen wife - attempting to squeeze herself under the bed frame.
"What are you doing?" you ask, hiccuping between tears and startled laughter.
"Coming to get you," she says, voice strained as she wriggles forward. "Though I'm beginning to think this bed was not built for someone of my size."
"You're going to get stuck."
"Then we'll be stuck together." She finally manages to get next to you, though she has to lie completely flat to fit. "Hello, sweet girl."
A rush of gratitude floods you and you press forward, drawing her into a soft kiss. She deepens it, sliding a large hand underneath your thigh and holding you to her. You part with a soft, slick noise. 
“You’re always meeting me where I am, even when you don’t understand,” you tell her. “Literally.” 
You gesture weakly at the whole predicament. The absurdity of it - Ambessa Medarda, covered in dust bunnies, cramped under a bed - breaks something in you. 
"I have this terrible secret inside me, and it’s that I feel so—so sick when I think about being a mother," you blurt out. The words slide out of you, like maggots from a rotting body. "Not—not your children, I love them, but being one myself. Having them. I can't. I won't. And I know you must want- but I can't, I just can't, please don't leave me.” You begin to sob again. “Please, Bessa. Please don’t leave me. Please. Plea-”
"Shh." She pulls you closer, awkward in the confined space but no less tender for it. You tuck your head into her neck as she soothes you. "Shh, my love. I'm not going anywhere."
"But-"
"I have two children," she says firmly. "Two wonderful, grown children who I love dearly. I have never once thought about having more. What I want - all I want - is you. Happy. Whole. Exactly as you are."
You're crying again, but differently now. "Really?"
"Really." She strokes your hair, rocking you as best she can in the tight space. "Though I would very much like to have this conversation somewhere with fewer dust bunnies."
You laugh wetly into her shirt. "Sorry."
"Don't be. I would crawl under a thousand beds for you. Even into a grave." She kisses your forehead. "But perhaps we could move on top of this one? My back is not what it used to be."
"You’re really not getting any younger," you quip, the onslaught of relief making you giddy.
"Watch it, little dove." But she's smiling - you can hear it in her voice. "Now come out before we really do get stuck."
“What if we stayed here forever,” you whisper, “and you never let me go?”
She releases you, then shimmies out from the crawl space. Gently, she curls a hand around your ankle and pulls you out with a sharp yank. You gasp as you emerge from your hiding space, hair spilling around you and your dress rucked up just enough to display your panties.
Ambessa leans over, drags the dress further up until she can kiss the swell of your breasts. She looks up you, face ever-calculating.
“I will never release you,” she finally says. 
It should scare you, the clear promise, but it doesn’t. You lead her hand to your throat, just to hold it there, and smile instead.
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© hcneymooners.
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salemlunaa · 2 days ago
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✾˚•Time isn’t your enemy because it isn’t real∘˚✾
Stop trying to beat the clock, you’re getting nowhere
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∘✾˚PART I | THE ALLEGED WASTE OF “TIME”
The same could also be said for circumstances because they also aren’t real. I understand your frustration; you want to induce now. You think you’ve wasted time and you want to manifest your dream life now.
𖦹˚∘“You’re scared of failing (you literally can’t fail a meditative state; this isn’t rocket science). You’re panicking because you swore to yourself you would induce pure consciousness over the break and live your dream life, and then you didn’t. *Loud heavy sigh* You can’t fail this, guys. It’s okay to be worried, but this isn’t something that just can never not work for you.” ∘˚𖦹
↑ quoted from my gorgeous girl @luvmanifesting
you need to realise that the fear of failure and wasting time here doesn’t make sense because you already have it, why would a mother cry because she “NEEDS to have a baby before the end of this year”, if she’s holding the baby in her arms? if it’s right infront of her?
✾˚٭EXPLANATION | WHAT TIME IS TO US
You guys are growing desperate because you have given yourself a time crunch, and that’s where you go wrong. Your outer man (you in the 3D) will experience the 3D and time, but your inner man can’t experience these things. Your naked self is your inner man. The entire concept of the void state is that it is just your inner man alone, with no power of the 3D or time. This is why you are able to set ANY intention, because the barriers of time and the 3D are nonexistent. This is why you can choose to go back in time (being able to manipulate time = time isn’t real), and you can choose to manifest a pink elephant plushie on your bed (manipulating the 3D = time isn’t real). You are your inner man viewing the world from your outer man, but you can align them together.
܀˚✾PART II | BYE BYE TIMECRUNCHES!
And I’ll tell you now, if you don’t align yourself with your inner man and realize you have it now, you’re NEVER going to get it.
“but i NEED to manifest my dream life before school”
“circumstances are tough and i NEED to induce pure consciousness and leave this reality before exams”
“i hate my job i NEED to induce before the end of this year”
No, no, no. Stop playing this game of racing against time. IT ISN’T A REAL THING. I don’t care what’s happening tomorrow, I DON'T CARE what’s happening in two days, I DON'T CARE what’s happening next week, next month, or in a year, and neither should you. If you are giving yourself a time crunch, you don’t understand what it means to be pure consciousness. If you have told yourself that you ABSOLUTELY MUST induce before a certain time, you don’t understand what it means to be pure consciousness.
I DON'T CARE if your back is against the wall and you’re drowning in unfavorable circumstances—stop valuing time and stop valuing the 3D. If you don’t accept it now, it will NEVER come. Because the time is now; you are only experiencing now. It’s like the riddle: “What says it’s coming but never does? Tomorrow.” Because the “tomorrow” you speak of will be called “today” when you experience it. So you are always experiencing the now. You must accept it now.
Say Bye Bye to time crunches, because they don’t exist for a god because time isn’t a thing to your inner man. When you think of something, I don’t care if it’s a penny or fairy wings—you have it. When you want to be pure consciousness, because of that want, you have it. You have your dream life.
˚✾∘˚PART III | THE TIME IS NOW, NOT YOUR ENEMY
Time is not your enemy, because your inner man is god → your inner man manifests → time doesn’t exist to your inner man = therefore everything is happening all at once (and when i mean everything I don’t mean intrusive thoughts) So when you want to induce pure consciousness, know that it is instant, effortless and already done. I don’t care if the 3d has failed you, if your outer man has slept while trying to induce, you have everything you could possibly want.
Trying to win a race against something that is non existent is allowing your outer man to waste even more “time”. So stop this in 2025, I DON'T CARE if school is starting next week, if exams are starting next month, if you NEED to do this by the end of this year, if you spend time trying to beat the clock, you’ll end up with nothing. You have it now, the time is now and always will be.
Kill those thoughts before they come up.
OUTER MAN: “I have this pit in my stomach when I think about resuming school and all the circumstances that come with it, I should have manifested my dream life”
INNER MAN: “I have manifested my dream life already, i don’t care what the 3d is showing me”
OUTER MAN: “I was supposed to manifest my dream life over the break, now i’ve got to see all those people I hate”
INNER MAN: “They don’t exists and neither do my circumstances”
OUTER MAN: “ I NEED TO MANIFEST MY DREAM BOD BEFORE SUMMER, it’s so long away but i always manage to waste time”
INNER MAN: Huh, what’s time? I am everything, therefore i have everything I want now
NO deadlines, NO due date, NO time limit, closing time, ultimatum, NO NO NO, not for a god, not when you literally have it now
🪼🐅 stop creating deadlines for yourself, you’re a god who doesn’t need them.
you have it now!!
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messrsrarchives · 2 days ago
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we are incredibly blesseddddd in the harry potter fandom. no matter what era you are reading, there is such a wide array of fics for you to enjoy - such a multitudeeee of long-fics, aus, ships, tropes etc etc. we are so blessed to have this much to engage with.
but with that comes a lot of entitlement i feel. because there's more to "compare", there's more to call "the big fics" or "the best fics" and suddenly we're no longer blessed, because people don't appreciate fandom for what it is - a bunch of losers (affectionate) sitting in their rooms, writing fanfiction about wizards in their spare time, and sharing it with strangers online. rather it starts becoming competitive.
and 99.99% of the time, it's not the people writing these fics that start the comparisons and the competitions, it's those reading it. they'll publicly question why a fic has so many hits, they'll assume that fandom etiquette no longer applies just because a fic is popular, and they'll forget that these are people writing them, not just ao3 pseudonyms. they'll critique writing styles, get hung up on typos or grammatical errors etc etc. they'll start saying which piece of creative writing done by a person in their free time as a hobby is "worth it" and which ones aren't. and it's wild because they're the ones that have put these fics at the top. they're the ones that have decided these fics are the most worthy,,, and then they critique them?
and most of this is because of the hierarchy, absolutely. there's been a mass separation of readers-writers because people refuse to engage, and they start viewing themselves as "customers" receiving a "product" and they complain when it doesn't fit their standards. some of it is also the changing face of fandom spaces as they get big on more traction-based platforms like tiktok. all of it comes down to entitlement.
they start enforcing standards for fanfictions to live up to and start dictating what "good" writing is, as if that doesn't go against the very nature of a fandom space. a space where everybody's voice is heard and everybody has the same opportunity to create things (side tangent: this is not the time to be dictating what voices/experiences/talents deserve to be heard. free and open sources of literature are incredibly important right now. we often talk about the fact we hold fanfiction to the same standard as publit, which yes we do and that is not what we should be doing. but now we're starting to police it the same way publit is, and now is not the time. there is never a time tbh, but now when book bans are running rampant across the world? you want to decide which fics deserve to be read and which ones don't? hm).
and the worst thing is that not only are people critiquing the works we already have, but they demand more.
they'll say there's no more long-fics getting written, and then they won't go and engage with WIPs and encourage authors to continue, they won't start a fic until it's complete and then complain that nothing is complete. they'll say there's not enough fics for a certain ship, and instead of engaging with those producing them or encouraging love and engagement for them with others, they'll go into comment sections and hate on another ship. they'll say there's not enough of a certain trope and then they'll read one and go "hm. not like that" or not enough of a certain character and then go "actually i don't see them like this so this is written awfully".
most of all, they'll say that certain fics or ships have a ruined a fandom, and then they'll post things that go sooooo against what a fandom is, and just add to what is actually ruining wider fandom spaces - entitlement.
you are not entitled to long-fics, these are being written by people in their free time, and you refuse to engage with them as they're being written. you are not entitled to perfect grammar and presentation, fanfiction is for everybody and it is not a profession, it's a hobby. you are not entitled to the characterisations that you deem to be best, everything is malleable and you engage with what you like (better yet, write it yourself if you're so open to shitting on others. you do it then). you are not entitled to regular and consistent updates, you do not get a monopoly over this person's time. and you're going to see a lot less works over time if this is the way you treat them.
you are not entitled to any content in a fandom space, and no one is required to provide it for you. and most of all, your opinions and your characterisations and things you enjoy are not more worthy than anyone elses' - reading is subjective, we learnt this in primary school.
fandom is for self-exploration and it is self-curated. it's so self-curated and if you are having such a negative time in fandom because you can't find anything "good" or "worth it"? maybe there's some self-reflection to do as well. maybe you should sit and wonder why you feel entitled to things and why you feel the need to pit authors against each other or critique free works publicly, instead of wondering why other people are reading them.
we are so incredibly blessed to be in a fandom as diverse as this one with such an array of interpretations and such a wide spread of fics to choose from, but let's return to our roots and remember that - despite how many there are - everything is written by a Human Being. in their Free Time. For Fun.
and it's not fun to watch videos calling works bad get thousands of views and likes. you are not owed anything. and it is not okay to say these things just because "they'll never see it" - it says a lotttt about you as a person that there has to be some kind of impact for you to be kind.
it's like,,, would you go to a free bake sale and go "god i fucking hate red velvet!!!" and tell them they're doing a bad job, or would you pick up the chocolate cupcake you like instead and move on with your day whilst acknowledging that someone, not you but someone elseee, might like red velvet??? ykkkk??? you get me????
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Though I would agree Fanfiction can be more lax, I'm gonna heavily disagree solely for the example you gave:
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Thanksgiving? Of all the things you could have your Japanese characters do just because they think it would be funny or they're curious about it, Thanksgiving is the one thing that would absolutely not be done by Japanese people, unless your writing it in the setting of "I'm having US Americans over and I want to give them the opportunity to still have their thanksgivings while abroad...
Other than that? There's no reason for it, just like no one else outside the US celebrates the 4th of July.
Sure, there's lots of things that can be transversal culturally wise, but like... At least let them BE Japanese!
It's like when Hallmark made that awful movie set in my country... But did exactly 0% of research... We all hated that with a passion.
Original stories and Fanfiction should have a minimum of respect for cultural accuracy when portraying foreign (to us) characters. It's common sense...
If you don't want to go into deep in the culture, avoid settlings that will have you having to do research.
And please don't have a Shinigami say "Jesus Christ!"... That's so weird.
“Be curious about what you’re writing about” is not stock Common Writing Advice but it really, really should be. There are a lot of written works that fail due to the authors just being obviously incurious about what they are writing about.
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strawberryfloofs · 2 days ago
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tw: mentions of neglect/abuse
carer with a traumatized age regressor they know they're helping to heal everytime they slip.
never received toys/were given very few toys as a kid? bubbas spoiling you in all the toys you want! if their kiddo is a little more shy and feeling guilty, they'll notice their little one eyeing a toy. "do you want it puppy? no need to feel bad, i just wanna give you everything you deserve"
went without food in public? carer will always order something for you, you never have to watch them eat while you have nothing. "oh honey I would never~ not only is that mean, but you gotta grow big and strong like me!"
went without food/snacks in private? your caregiver always makes sure they stock up on your favorite snacks and brands- no matter how specific they are. there's no shame in only eating a certain brand or flavor of chips. there's always groceries in the house and they're happy to cook for you, wanting to make sure you're safe AND fed. "are you hungy? I can get my sweetheart their favorite snack until the pastas done?"
had bad physical treatment? they would NEVER even THINK about laying a hand on you. if you misbehave or act up, they understand you're just in littlespace. like real kids, emotions can be hard and some moments arent good. sometimes kids like to test boundaries, there's nothing wrong with that. they won't let it slide and will issue lines, time outs, and stuff like early bedtime or shorter playtime- but nothing physical or mentally damaging. "angel I know you're all upset and shouting at bubba, but I need you to sit in the chair for 5 minutes. we don't yell."
missed out on a lot of childhood experiences? that's okay! your cg is soooo happy to integrate anything into their routine. whether it's storytime, going to the park, holiday celebrations, they're happy to accomodate! "oh you wanna have a bubba baby book read before your nap? of course little one!"
touch starved and wanting a lot of physical affection? they'll love on you SO much to try and make up for it! cuddles, pats, carries, boops, you got it! "awww does munchkin need a hug? cmere"
weren't treated the best emotionally? they understand how it can impact you. your carer always reminds you that you're not a burden, it wasn't your fault, and they truly do love you. they're not lying to you, they don't hate you, there's no maliciousness or ulterior motives- just pure love and care. "I know it was a lot, and I'm sorry you had to live through that angel- but I'm glad you're with me now. As long as I'm here, and as long as you'll let me- I won't let anyone treat you like that again. I pinky promise, my little love. Always, and forever."
Icl, this was very self indulgent to me- but I hope anyone who can sadly relate feels atleast a little bit of comfort and wholesomeness from this. I believe you. You're strong.
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writingwisterias · 2 days ago
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Ruined
Kidnapper!Leon Kennedy X AFAB!Reader Warnings: DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT, SMUT, 18+ONLY, Emotional Manipulation, Degradation kink, Kidnapping, Injuries, Isolation, Manipulation, Dub-Con, Rough Sex, Public Sex, Manhandling, Implied Abuse, Initial Carving, Blood Play, Unprotected Sex, Age-Gap Words: 5.9k Dedicated to @friedtofu4 for allowing me to ramble about this for days
Taglist: @rigorwhoring
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You were pissing him off. You always did when you acted like that. His fingers twitched at his sides as he watched you beg beneath him. Another escape attempt. That just wouldn't do. Couldn't you see that he was just trying to help, to keep you safe from all the threats he had seen in the world? You were so perfect, always devoted to him. Always following every rule he had in place except for today? Yet now you are here sobbing at his feet in a ruined nightdress, an expensive one he treated you to after such good behaviour. What a waste. Of his time, his money. Your dumb brain clearly didn't understand. 
Your tears were fat and heavy as they ran down your dirty cheeks. He wasn't proud of the way he manhandled you to the ground, sighing at the sight of your face dirtied from the mud as you fought him off. Leon hated seeing the cuts and scrapes that littered your arms, the specks of blood on your lips from where he had bit down on it too hard in a kiss he forced you to participate in. "I'm sorry Leon...please...forgive me" you spoke in choked breaths, your chest rattling with each intake. 
You weren't sorry, you did it on purpose. He knew that. He wasn't stupid. You took him for granted, something you needed to be punished for. After all, he's only helping you, providing a life where you don't have to worry about anything but keeping your legs open when he is around. But you still ran away and tried hiding in that thorn bush. The blood on your skin was your own fault, you needed to understand that. "If you were sorry you wouldn't have done it. I'm trying to keep you safe" Leon said, his tall frame never faltering. His back is just as straight as when he shut the door. "I know...I'm sorry...please...I'll do anything. It was a mistake" you cried. Practically kissing his mud-coated boots. Your hands tugged at the hem of his jeans, holding onto them for dear life. 
Leon lowered himself into a squat, his fingers tilting your chin in the air as he looked at you. Your bottom lip was jutted out, a pathetic look for you. Feigning Innocence. "I thought we grew out of this baby" he cooed. "You were behaving so well" 
His presence was a false comfort, his tender touch was soon to turn sinister when he finally got you into the headspace he wanted. The easy pliable one that would just take whatever he gave you. Leon wasn't sure if he wanted to shove his cock inside your mouth. Maybe even shoving himself so far you couldn't breathe, only himself filling your senses. The thought of you on your knees made his cock twitch in his trousers. He would thrust deep inside of you, making sure you thought of nothing but his relentless thrusts. However, the thought of giving you endless creampies was also appealing. The options were limitless. 
“Leon…I'm sorry” you sobbed again. Your hands are now gripping his knees. “You’re all dirty after that honey” he sighed. You nodded, breaking his eye contact to look at the state of you. You weren't the presentable thing he always liked, the little doll he wanted you to be. “Please forgive me, I didn't mean to run away” 
It hurts him that you were lying. Of course, you meant to, you didn't hide your dislike for him very well. He had noticed the bathroom window suddenly opening wider and wider with each shower you took. He trusted you, trusted that you would change your behavior; to not run into the woods like you did today, but you didn't. He sighed, his knees clicking as he rose above you again. You watched him, never breaking eye contact. Leon held out his hand, your own sliding in it fingers brushing his wrist as you used it to help him stand up. “Let's get you cleaned up” Leon spoke as he dragged you away towards the bathroom. The only room you ever had privacy in, not that you would anymore. The privilege was now to be taken away, the window cracked open as a reminder of your escape. Of how close you actually were. 
Leon had to admit it was smart, he never noticed until one night as he pissed he felt the cold breeze. The window just above the toilet in front of him was open and the cause of the breeze. It wasn't enough for him to jump into action, he waited; baiting you into actually going through with it. It's like you forgot what he used to do for a living, the job that trained him to have the same set of skills that have kidnapped you and kept you hidden for so long. 
Leon turned the shower on – the steam combating against the winter chill. His hands were gentle as they stripped you, the dirty fabric pooling on the floor around your ankles. “Look at how messy you are” he sighed as he led you into the stream. Your knees ache as you bend them to get into the tub, the small scabs breaking allowing the blood to flow again. Leon tutted at the sight of you, at how desperate you were to leave that you didn't even care about your delicate skin. The white tub was soon filled with a brownish red.  You stayed silent, eyes flicking towards the door, window and Leon. He watched your brain tick as your thoughts began to outweigh the risks. Calculate an escape plan or think if it was worth it with him in the room. “Aren't you tired of fighting? Don't I do enough for you?” Leon sighed. 
You watched his features, his eyebrows curved upwards showing concern and sadness. Whether those were genuine feelings you didn't know. The occasional up turns of his mouth, a smirk waiting to be revealed, told you otherwise. You constantly fell for his tricks and that's what made you so mad. So desperate to run away. You hated how he loved you unconditionally no matter how much you kicked and screamed or plotted against him. His love and loyalty never wavered. You never understood why he wanted you to be so special, to feel this unwavering love he had for you. It hurts your brain late at night as you think about it, looking at the thin netting blowing from the tiny gap he allowed in the window. His arm draped over you, fingers grasping at your waist tightly. Sometimes you awoke to bruising. 
You were tired of fighting but it felt like it was just too easy to give in. Accept this as your new life, even if you didn't ask for it or work for it like you were raised to. A retirement fund sitting in your bank account that you no longer have access to. “Aren't you? Tired of fighting?” Leon repeated his question. His hand grasping your chin to bring your attention onto him. You wanted to answer, if you said yes; you would get everything you ever wanted without having to worry about the outside world. Maybe he would even let you wander the woods if you built enough trust. You could see the stream from the living room, maybe you would be able to touch it freely. Yet, if you said no, you would be here anyway. Your restrictions are tighter, rules stricter. A structured life inside the wooden walls. The air escaped your chest as you nodded, looking at the open window once before opening your mouth to finally speak the words. “I am tired of fighting” 
Leon’s grin grew. His laughter filled the room only to be silenced as he kissed you. Guilt flooded your system quickly, the shower didn't wash it away as you thought about everyone outside of these woods. All the people that loved you traded for a life of luxury and freedom. A life provided by your kidnapper. “I'm proud of you baby. You made the right choice” he spoke, his hair dampening as leaned into the stream to kiss you again. You enjoyed the taste of Leon, the feel of him as he thrust into you. You knew you wouldn't regret your choice to be with him forever, an unofficial marriage. But your family and friends cannot be a part of your life. You would soon become an unsolved mystery to them, their life filling with grief and mourning you whilst you lived perfectly fine. 
Leon fed you lies, and told you they didn't love you. That if they did they would have found you, but that one last group of brain cells that you clung into told you otherwise. Maybe one day you see them again, and beg for forgiveness for all the harm you caused them by agreeing to him. By living this life. You were sure an apology wouldn't fix anything, burning that bridge to them was a death sentence to that life. The final claim snipped away with the hand that now dragged you out of that shower. The ones that wrapped you in the fluffiest towel and led you into the bedroom. “Oh baby you are going to be so happy” Leon chatted mostly to himself as he led you. His words fill the emptiness of the cabin, echoing through the long dark corridors. “I'm sure I will be,” you spoke quietly. Your voice was strong, not letting your emotions leak out into the words you spoke. Never allow the turmoil inside you to become visible to him. 
Leon patted you dry and combed your hair with utmost care. Then he tended to the scraps, cotton pads with witch hazel, some coated in disinfectant. His hands were not gentle when he touched them, fingers pressing into the bruises watching your reactions as they flashed across your features. “Hurts doesn't it? This is what it felt like when I went to check on you and you weren't there. Only to find your footprints leading away” Leon spoke, looking up at you through your brows. “I didn't…mean to hurt you” you spoke bluntly, you even cringed after the lie left your lips. His head snapped up, eyebrows raised as he looked at you. “You expect me to believe that?” Leon chuckled, his hand pressing down on your knees earning another hiss. “You think I'm a fool, do you?” 
Your wet hat stuck to your face as you shook your head. “You hurt me too,” you said. Your voice was timid as you sank into yourself. “What I do. Is nothing compared to what I've seen other people do” he stated, his words were clipped. “I have only protected you. I will always protect you”
Leon lowered his head again, tending to your wounds once again. You nodded your head, words unable to form in fear he would just dispute them. You could feel his love, his claim over you in every word he spoke and yet you still defiled him, denied him of your own. 
“I want to be able to go outside…to see the stream” you whispered after a little while, breaking the silence. Leon's head shot up again scanning your face for any form of lie, a hidden meaning underlying your words. “Maybe I could – I could earn back your trust?” You spoke again. You cringed at his sigh and flinched at his movements to stand. Leon looked down on you, dominating you. Yet instead of talking to you or offering you an ultimatum to your request he just held out his hand. “Come on...before I change my mind” 
“I'm naked” 
“No one will see…there's no one for miles” 
He had told you this before, the words never settled easily in your stomach each time you heard them. You followed him out the door, goosebumps rising on your skin as it deflected the chill. The mud was cold as your bare feet walked alongside his boots. The footprints that left a trail back to the house symbolise how much bigger he was than you. Leon’s hand tightened around yours the closer to the stream you got, almost like he was afraid you would slip away. Like you would actually risk running through the woods stark naked with the impending promise of night. 
Leon watched you carefully as you approached the running water, as you crouched to touch the ribbons of the current as it went through your fingers. Despite the speed it seemed peaceful, you wonder if it ran into a peaceful lake with fish and other animals. He was leaning against a tree, lingering in your eyeline like a warning. A dangerous predator in the shadows.  You contemplated it, accidentally losing your balance and falling into the cold water. Hypothermia or shock would eventually take before he could. At least it would be by your choice, something you chose to happen. Then again, staying here willingly was also your choice. His promise of protection is too good to refuse in this world. His words will always manipulate you, twist your world to just be this woodland. 
To Leon in this moment you looked like an innocent deer, one so completely unaware of the dangers that lurked around you. Your attention solely on the river running through your fingers was just another reason why you needed him. You didn’t hear his footsteps as he crept behind you; attention never faltering when he accidentally stepped on the twig and snapped it. No, you were a useless deer, just a little fawn unaware of the dangers that surrounded you. This is why he was here, to show and protect you from these dangers. 
You didn’t notice him until he grabbed your wrists. Your body jolted against his as he pressed himself against you; his breath ghosting the shell of his ear. “Leon! I wasn’t doing anything…I haven’t done anything wrong” You gasped as he finally turned you to face him. Your expression is priceless as his eyes gloss over your face. “Oh baby, you didn’t even notice I moved. How did you even manage before me?” He chuckled darkly. It was only when he pressed closer to you that you noticed his belt was already undone, his body pressing you to fall back onto the ground. Your instincts wanted you to fight back, to kick and scream like you did the first time but you were tired and you promised not to fight anymore. 
His hands pressed you into the mud, smirking to himself as your just clean skin was dirty once again. Your fingers sank into the mud as he trapped your hands underneath his own. “Come on. I let you outside. Now open up, I didn’t have to after the stunt you pulled today” Leon groaned as he tried to pry your legs open to be able to sink himself into you. He wanted you to adore him, to worship him as he provides everything for you. To become some mindless hole for him, a little treat. You were already bare for him, for anyone. Perhaps he should leave a reminder and have his load dripping out of you for the rest of the day as the mud dries on your skin. Something for you to be reminded of who you belong to now. You listened to his command, legs spreading to make room for his form. Leon's skin never touched the ground nor was it ever exposed to the cold. His cock nudged the entrance of your pussy, sighing as he finally inches it in. Without any preparation, his stretch hurt, and whimpers began to leave your lips. Your frame squirmed in the dirt. 
He didn't care though, he just wanted you. He could feel the wet ground eating into his trousers. Only imagine how cold you must feel currently, your naked form so close to the freezing river. Your hands are trapped above your head elongating your frame. Your breasts bounced with every thrust he made “Fucking hell, look at you” Leon moaned in your ear. Your pain turned into pleasure, overstimulation creeping in as he continued his assaulting thrusts. Your nipples were sore and sensitive, the air making them harden and peak to extreme lengths. You forced yourself to look at him, watch his grin grow wider or his eyes darken as he gazed upon you. The twigs and mud scraped against your back and the squelches of your movements muted the ones that filtered from where he entered. It shamed you how turned on you were, how attracted you were to this man. Someone you should hate, fight, or do anything but accept his desire to own you. Yet, here you are underneath him begging for more.
“That's it, baby, cum around my cock…warm it up for me please it's cold out here. Didn't you know” 
Of course you knew, it was Leon's attempt at a teasing joke. Your skin was blotchy red, freezing to the touch. Your hands were ice cold, he made sure they never touched anything but his wrists. Your orgasm was impending quicker than you wanted to, his touch was possessive - greedy even. He was always anything but kind taking everything he could from you without giving anything back. The only reason why you reached that high each time was because he felt so good. His veins always dragged along your walls perfectly, hitting that spongy spot inside you that made your toes curl. His cock curved in such a way you could feel every single movement he made. He never touched your clit, only sucked on your breasts if he felt like it. Yet you still simply came from just his cock…and boy did it make Leon feel like a god. 
He felt your walls tighten, sucking him in as they refused to let him go. His balls tightened, groans leaving his lips and echoed throughout the vast woodland. You felt him flood you with warmth as his load exploded inside of you. His final thrusts caused your orgasm to flood through you a cocktail of the two of you spilling out into the mud. Leon didn’t stay inside of you long, his warmth was taken away quickly as he stood back up. Tucking himself back in his trousers to glance down at you. He was never one to shy away from a dominant display. His point was proven as you had lost your sense of surrounding to the stream, any dangers that lurked could have easily gotten you. He was one of them and he did. 
Leon had the courtesy to hold out his hand for you, watching as you shivered as you attempted to stand. “Thank you” You muttered to him, your head bowed as you avoided eye contact. Your hand tightened around his savouring the warmth that he gave off through his palm. Part of you wanted to lean in for a hug, to accept that he was the only one who was going to be able to give you what you needed. He could see your inner fighting, the refusal to accept that he was the only one for you, despite your claims of being tired of fighting. Leon decided for you as he pulled you into his embrace. His body folded around you, shielding you from the world for just a moment. Your shoulders shook as you finally gave in, your once stiff form now melted into his embrace. Your final need to fight is released from your body. This was your life now, this is what you were reduced to. 
You watched from the doorway as he lit up the fireplace. Your arms were wrapped around yourself picking at the dried dirt that was still on your skin. His seed dripping down your thighs. Leon’s eyes flickered over to you as he occasionally gazed upon your form. Part of him felt bad that you were so cold, tempted to wrap you up in the warmest blanket he could find and let you read a book until night fell. But you ran away today, he must not forget that. “Can I shower?” You asked him, your voice was barely above a whisper he almost missed it. He turned to you fully, still in front of the fire. “If I treat you nicely again you aren’t going to try and escape are you?” He asked, his question was blunt straight to the point. Guilt flooded your system as you remembered the trust he had placed in you. One that you broke. 
“Please, I know I broke your trust today…just the mud… it's irritating” You admitted. You watched as he turned to the fire to think; watching the flames lick at the wooden logs turning them into embers. The simmer of a fire was always the hottest part, the embers that lingered underneath the ash. You had yet to see this anger from Leon, the heat that made him so protective over you or the anger that simmered causing him to do hurtful things to you. You had never pushed him that far and you weren’t sure you wanted to. “Since you asked so nicely.” He nodded finally, turning again just in time to see your eyes light up. “But I have to be in the room” 
Despite his add-on to your request, the light never faded from your eyes as he continued to look at them. Perhaps you have had a change of heart. You waited for him to walk to the bathroom first, your smaller frame following his. The steam from earlier still lingered on the bathroom mirror. You looked at your reflection, the condensation dripping down your features as if you were crying. Leon turned the shower on his hand in the stream as he waited for it to heat up. Part of him wanted to leave it cold and come up with some bullshit excuse that you wanted to go outside again after the last shower. But your knees had turned purple, he could see nail tracks where you scratched against the flaking mud on your skin. 
The tub was again filled with brown as you watched it swirl down the drain. You closed your eyes and faced the stream allowing the water to methodically fall over your features. A sense of peace washed over the room, you could feel his eyes on you as his thoughts were loud but it felt right almost. Maybe you were just tricking yourself to make the situation more bearable. Leon however was watching his cum that dripped down your legs get washed away, his claim on you was never permanent. He didn’t want children, no he was too old for that now. Besides that would involve too much medical interference; outsiders would have to get involved if something went wrong. It was too risky, too many people for you to say what happened to you if they pried too hard. 
His mind swirled with ways he could mark you as his, a permanent solution. Something you would look at and never forget your place. It wasn’t until you had left the shower and wrapped yourself in another towel whilst waiting patiently to follow him that he got the idea. He walked you to the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bedding as he watched you dry yourself off. It was unnerving you that he hadn’t said anything for a while. The corners of his mouth twitched upright occasionally as he sat there thinking about something. “A penny for your thoughts?” You asked shly. He blinked at your question. It was rare you initiated any form of conversation so it took him by surprise. “I have an idea…to make sure everyone knows you are mine” 
“You said no one will see me? Who are you proving it to?” 
You got him there he supposed, it was a valid reason not to do what he was planning. Yet, it wasn’t enough to stop him; he could already feel his cock stirring awake. He looked at you again before a large sigh left his lips. “I want to mark you as mine, permanently” 
His words confused you as you were unable to follow along with him. Silence filled the room again as you both waited for someone to speak first. He almost seemed like he was giving you space to object, offer an opinion to the situation or even a suggestion to his wishes. You however knew better than that by now, he didn’t care what you wanted, he was going to do it anyway. He just likes to make you feel in control. You nodded your head, wordlessly agreeing to whatever wicked plan he had formed in his head.  
Leon was giddy as he left the room, his attitude was suddenly diminished leaving behind a more lighthearted side to him. You wish he showed this side more often, maybe it would have made the past few months more bearable. You could have learned to love him instead of resent him but he didn't make it easy, he never did. Leon returned to the room holding a blade, the metal shone in the dim lighting. “This blade has been with me for years. It was given to me by someone…someone that is no longer with us” Leon began to explain. He went to hold out but hesitated, he watched your behaviour; scanning for any signs of disobedience as if you were really going to risk stabbing him. “I’m sorry for your loss” you whispered. His eyes remained on you, the change in your behaviour was weird and off-putting; he was used to the constant fighting and arguing. He could see the effects it had on your soul and body, your face now dull and diminished of any light and joy. 
Leon had never told you about his past before, how he ended up the way he has. Maybe if he did you would have felt more comfortable as if you knew him on a deeper level. You possibly would have been able to connect with him better and understand why he did what he did. Your now curious nature was making him regret his choices, his approach to keeping you here. It was conflicting with him. “Come here” Leon commanded as he sat back on the bed. The knife still gripped in one hand, his other outstretched to you. You settled in between his legs, his fingers toying with the bottom of your towel, the soft fabric getting caught in his calloused fingers. He brought the black knife to your collarbone, teasing the tip of the knife against your clean skin. “What are you going to do?” 
He sighed at the weight of your hands on his shoulders, the action feeling strangely domestic. His eyes flickered at the shadows on the walls, the sight depicting a couple in love…maybe the two of you would develop to that stage. Just like he wanted. You hissed as he pressed the tip of the knife into the skin. A droplet of your blood ran down your chest and began to stain the towel. “Leon…that hurts” you whimpered as he continued to drag the knife down your chest. He didn't respond, only observing his work as he continued to move the knife. His kind nature was replaced as quickly as it appeared. 
He smiled when he was finished, ignoring the small strips of blood. He had marked you. His initials are now embedded into your chest. “Leon why…” you whimpered looking down at your ruined skin. The air exposed to the wound made it sting, you couldn't even forget about it. It would be visible in anything you wore when you showered or looked in the mirror. Leon just looked at it with a smile. His fingers swiped away at the streams of blood. “You'll never forget now” he stated simply. “Never forget what?” 
“That you belong to me” 
His words swirled in your head creating a fuzzy side to them. They were meant to comfort you, that's what he intended. To protect you to keep you safe but it felt wrong, to be kept here in these woods. With nothing to do but look pretty for him, you had no hobbies, no life outside this house now. “You always belonged to me, from the moment I brought you here you were mine” Leon added, his words unnerving you further. You watch his eyebrows pinch together, his expression turning darker. “you are my gift for all my service, all my pain” 
His eyes met yours again, scanning your features for a reaction to his confession.” you make it all worthwhile” 
If only you knew who he was deep down, you might have been able to sympathise with him. Soothe him from his apparent pain like a normal partner would have. If he was hurt in his life why would he repeat the cycle, why would he ruin yours the way he was ruined? Take away your freedom, and your choices. Leon watched your face contort as the problems circled in your brain, he waited for you to respond. To shower him in love, that's how it worked, wasn't it? He opened up and you accepted him? His breath hitched as you initiated another form of contact, your weight landed on his thigh as you sat on his lap leaning back into him. Leon's arms timidly wrapped around yours almost like he was afraid to scare you. To end this moment too soon. “What happened to you?” you asked. You felt him tense, his eyes falling back towards the wound he made on your chest. “I was forced to become a government agent after I survived an event no one should have lived through. I've been a pawn my whole life, experiencing nightmares one after the other.” 
You nodded at his explanation, his words were short and clipped. You took that as your sign not to pry anymore, to accept the information he gave you in the doses he allowed it. After all, he's been more than kind since your escape this morning. Even if the wound was now a reminder of the last time you attempted to. “I'm sorry the world treated you like that, but I don't understand how I fit into it?” You asked. Leon sighed, his hand forcing your head to look at him. “You are my chance to finally keep something and someone safe. To provide a happy ending when all I have seen are bad ones. A happy ending for the both of us” 
You understood where he was coming from, you were never opposed to the idea of living off the grid with someone you loved. But that was the difference with this situation, which Leon will never understand. You haven't optionally chosen to love him, to live this life. There will always be a part of you rebellious to him, demanding to be set free. You didn't object to his words, you didn't smile or frown. You just accepted them, accepted this as your new life. His kiss was tender this time as he brought yours to his. His touch was softer and more loving. It confused you how when you behaved he acted like this. That was until his finger swiped against your wound, drawing your attention back to it - reminding you that it was there. 
At the same moment, his other hand slid underneath your towel, instantly finding your folds. That was weird he never prioritized your pleasure, his fucks were only ever for himself. “I've been a dick, let me make it up to you” 
The towel fell around you both as he removed it, letting you stand up in front of him again. Once again this small second of standing in front of him was interrupted as he pressed kisses against his initials. You felt him groan as he licked against the dried blood before sucking against the fresh blood that began to pebble. It was a strange sensation when he kissed you again, tasting the iron of your blood on your lips. Spotting the darkened red tone of his own as it dried against them. He stood above you once more, spinning you both around and walking you backwards until you fell against the bed. His shirt was removed first, the light showing off the scars and his abs which were mostly hidden behind a layer of fat now he wasn't in service anymore. The clink of his belt was loud and sharp as it cut through the tension, you didn't miss his smirk as you flinched. 
His hands spread your legs, watching as your pussy glistened in the light. Perhaps he should do foreplay more often if you were greeting him like this. You watched as his cock sprung free, the length always intimidating despite only receiving it earlier. You flinched again as his body made contact with yours, ignoring the flash of hurt in his eyes that despite promising not to flee anymore you still had the instinct. His grip was still possessive as he tugged you closer, lining himself up before burying the length back into your warmth. Instead of the brutal pace you were used to at first he was gentle, as if he was learning the curves inside of your body. Enjoying each clench you gracefully gave him in favour of a particular movement. It was when you started squirming that his brain flicked a switch. The pleasure building up too quickly causing you to thrash and moan beneath him but to Leon you tried to get away. Again. 
His hands trapped you in a tight grip halting your movements bringing him closer to his moving pelvis. Your back arched in retaliation giving him the chance to go deeper. Leon stopped his movements as he watched you, the orgasm you had impending now fading away. Your whines were pretty, as were your flushed out cheeks. His body leaned over yours, his lips attacking your neck before moving towards your collar bone. Finishing his trail once again on the carving he had made. He sucked on it again as he began to move, pain flaring once more as it mixed with the pleasure he was giving you. “I have left such an imprint on you that if you escape…everyone will have to know about me to learn about you” 
He wasn’t wrong, the searing pain coming from your chest was proof enough, a scar would soon form. One you would never be able to cover up. His lips silenced your whines as he began to work on his own pleasure again. His balls tightening as he increased his onslaught. He felt you cum around him; your arousal now coating his length allowing his movements to become more fluid. His grip was bruising as he manhandled you into position. Your leg hoisted over his hip, “ Look at me” 
Your eyes flicked over to him instantly, you hated how obedient you were to him now. How willingly you followed his every command. You felt his warmth flood throughout your insides, his hips still working hard to thrust his final mark of the day inside you. Making sure you never forget about him. He quickly eased himself out of you, allowing your body to relax against the bedsheets. He watched his cum spill from between your legs, the large smears of blood over your chest. He had ruined you, ruined you for anyone else. 
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mirensiart · 23 hours ago
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The legend of Zelda: Chained Truths ⛓️ MASTERPOST🔑
(aka where I'll be putting everything about my KeyChain zelink au content)
This is my original zelda story with my zelda & link ocs, they've been fondly nicknamed Key (zelda) and Chain (link) to distinguish them from the canon links & zeldas
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The basic plot is that the story happens roughly 100 years post Spirit Tracks in the adult timeline
Zelda (granddaughter of spirit tracks!zelink) is framed for the murder of the king, she manages to escape castle town just for a huge bounty to be placed on her head, she is wanted DEAD or ALIVE
Link, a bounty hunter who only takes "wanted: alive" jobs, stumbles upon Zelda and catches her. Link uses a magical item in the form of a chain to catch criminals, and thus chains himself to Zelda so he can bring her to justice.
Zelda manages to convince him to help her out by offering double the Bounty on her head if he does (and they're successful) Link who's desperate for money to support his family, reluctantly agrees to help her find the truth behind her father's murder.
However, when he's about to unchain them, he finds out the magic key he used to lock the chain is missing, they're now stuck to each other until the key is found or they find another way to unlock their shackles.
They hate each other at first, but eventually warm up to each other.
🔑 LINKS TO DOODLES AND COMICS OF THEM ⛓️
- OG post
- how they first met
- he jinxed himself
- how the chain works
- oh no she's a hugger
- I don't usually care for criminals
- working together
- open your eyes, Link!
- she's trapped
- now she's here, shining in the starlight
- touch starved
- she will deny she was worried later
- I'm so glad you're OK!
- they tripped and fell
- they think they're so cool
- pocky game
- they eventually kiss (2 years later lmao)
🔑 WORLD BUILDING TEXT POSTS⛓️
- she's so done actually
- possible sages
- ENDGAME
🔑 THEIR TAG ⛓️
#key&chain loz ocs
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gossipgurlingursht · 2 days ago
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@nagillim79
In the UK we used to call this theoretical leftist activism "sixth form politics", ie politics as conceived of by 16-18 year olds who have never had to be self-supporting and have an overly rose-tinted view of human nature because they've been protected from reality by parents and teachers all their lives. Generally it tends to shatter when it bashes up against reality and the fact that most humans don't give a damn about each other and can't be forced to care. Not even by socialist governments. What you're asking about is praxis but the left in the west avoids praxis. They prefer utopian delusions and theories to actually having to sacrifice their personal comfort on the altar of getting things done.
Ignoring what any movements are currently doing, I think these unrealistic expectations can be held by any age group or ideology. I think on average, people just don't understand how democratic politics works, at least in the US. People get mad that Democrats don't fix everything immediately after winning a razor-thin majority, but
They've never gone to a meeting of their local party. They don't understand how freaking hard it is just to get a room full of people WHO SUPPOSEDLY ARE ON THE SAME SIDE to agree about literally anything.
They don't like when politicians take speaking fees or donations from companies. But they've never donated themselves, and don't have any idea how much it costs to run a campaign.
They don't canvass. They don't understand that the average American A. doesn't want to talk to ANYONE B. doesn't want to talk to anyone who calls themself a Democrat C. just wants to know how jesus fits into all of this.
They don't like when politicians "lie" to them (and some straight-up do). But they don't want to vote for someone who tells them a realistic goal of making incremental to moderate change within the limits of the current political climate & with (or against) the other democratically elected reps.
They've never READ and advocated for a bill or policy proposal before. They think medicare for all (which I support!) is as simple as "$2000 < $8000". They don't think about what to do with all the people currently working in the health insurance industry, how employers will act when their contribution is removed, how this affects the tax system, and how to build an entire freaking government agency. "It doesn't matter, M4A is about saving peoples lives!" Yeah, so we need to make sure we're smart about it & do a good job.
To be very very clear, I don't hate leftists, we agree on a lot of points, and I don't think they were responsible for 2024. I am just begging, BEGGING, Americans to do something, ANYTHING, to get involved. Never tell me you're bored if you've never volunteered in politics!
The left SUCKS at recruiting people. And so many of you are part of the problem.
The talk about centrists and moderates being the literal devil I see constantly in online leftist spaces is one great example of the left's failure. Yes, it sucks when the people don't see how horrible the right is. But centrists are some of the most open people to discussion- and some already lean left!!
You can't demonize moderates to such an extent that you close yourself off to them and then wonder why you're losing swing states.
Centrists aren't even always people with all the privileges- you will find plenty of people who are part of marginalized groups who are concerned about politicians on all sides.
You can be a smol radical leftist bean all you want who only talks to other smol socialist and communist beans, but you're never going to make the difference you want to in the world that way. It's the cold, hard truth. It doesn't mean you have to engage in discourse with everyone- some people have no real hope of changing and are emotionally draining- just more than your bubble.
I am tired of the left eating itself alive and deranged people like Trump winning.
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shrimpybbq · 14 hours ago
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a timeline of rafe cameron and obx actress!reader’s character’s relationship (+ their real life one) pt 2
season 2: the yearning
season 2 is where rafe's obsession with iris really grows
he's constantly wondering about her, and how she feels about him. he's so convinced that she hates him and will never speak to him again, but he has this feeling that she won't report him
after john b and sarah 'died', iris spends more of her free time with the pogues. she comforts jj, and often seems to end up bailing him out of trouble
but they don't know that rafe's managed to get her phone number, and he keeps sending her messages trying to explain what happened on the tarmac - she doesn't respond
he even tries to go to her work, but she's not working that day
as rafe spirals, he genuinely feels she's the only one who would be able to understand him
he messages her before he goes to the bahamas
r: "hey, i'm gonna be gone for a few days, but i still really need to talk to you, ok?"
r: "please, i need to explain"
r: "just give me a chance to explain"
r: "please"
iris has him under his first initial in her phone, just in case any of the pogues happen to see her notifications. finally, she decides to respond, if only to understand more (and to get him to stop texting her)
i: "ok"
rafe literally shouts with joy seeing her response, no matter how dry it is. she's finally acknowledged him
while he's away, iris goes to see barry. her mom has been getting worse, and in a way, barry understands what she's going through. he's surprisingly good to talk to and the pair end up smoking together more than once, venting about their lives
in his deluded state, rafe truly thinks he will be able to win iris over with the gold. he's dreaming about paying for her mom's medical bills, winning her favour and looking after iris, living their happy little lives together forever
iris and rafe finally talk at tannyhill, rafe pleading that he was just trying to protect his dad. surprisingly, she listens intently, and lets out some small 'hmms' and 'mhms'. they get back to neutral ground, though she's still torn between what to do, but inside, she knows rafe shouldn't go to prison for a mistake
side note: ward oversees the pair talking, noting his son's wildly erratic hand gestures and decides to keep an eye on whatever is going on between the two
they're good for a few days, and then the pogues return to kildare with a very much alive sarah and john b, and everything changes once again
iris was so busy working that she hadn't had much to do with the gang, until jj texts her that john b had been arrested, and that rafe had tried to shoot them all - safe to say she's disappointed
oh but she's so mad when she hears of him trying to drown sarah, and she fully ices him out again
rafe kidnapping iris was not his finest idea, but she won’t listen to him after she hears and he’s just so mad. he’s got her in his car on the side of the road, just trying to get her to listen but she keeps telling him she “knows what he did”
rafe doesn't register what he's done until the sound of her sobs cut through his internal monologue, shamefully apologising and dropping her home, not even trying to say anything more
he’s just mean mean mean in this season bc he's hurt, but also he wants iris so bad and when she won’t even look at him, he can't control his actions
iris hears from the pogues that there is a warrant for his arrest and can't help feel concerned for him, only to be both shocked and concerned at the sight of ward cameron blowing himself up, her being the one to console sarah on the pier
everything is awkward between the pogues now, but it only gets worse once they see the texts on iris's phone following rafe's release from jail, him asking to see her...
they completely shut her out, refusing to even speak to her, and it only serves to push her further into rafe's (extremely willing) arms
he wants her to stay with him for the next few days, unknowingly about to bring her into all the drama with the cross
iris and rafe end up kissing for the first time just before he manages to get the cross for himself, and from then on, it's on between them - they're all over each other. think making out against the wall, in bed, on the couch
they both understand each other, able to see through the tough facade they put on and be vulnerable around each other. at their core, they’re just two hurt kids clinging on to each other
rafe literally thinks he will combust if she ever tries to leave him after he got a taste
unfortunately for him, he tries to get her to come along with him to guadeloupe, but she refuses
"Rafe, I can't leave my mom…. she can't survive without me," Iris whispered.
"No, no, c'mon, we can go together and I'll make sure she's got a carer and everything, the best medical treatment, ok? I just - I just need you with me for this," Rafe pleaded, desperation seeping through his tone.
"I'm sorry Rafe, but I can't."
and just like that, the beginnings of their relationship crumble, leaving rafe feeling betrayed, hurt and angry, spiralling as he lost something he barely had, and leaving iris all alone on kildare once the pogues get lost at sea, vulnerable and hurting
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season 2: behind the scenes
heheheheehhehe
season 2 is where rafe and iris get closer, and the flow on effects are felt between drew and obx actress!reader
the kisses they share on screen are so steamy it has fans freaking out, especially at the quick glimpses they get of their tongues melding together. even people from outside the fandom start resharing videos of the kiss with hashtags like #wantthis #hot #menext
like i'm talking hands in hair and 'rafe' gripping her waist like he's about to be torn away, pulling away panting, red lips, etc.
drew and obx actress!reader had both spent time looking forward to the kiss, each secretly reminiscing on the kiss at jd's party. neither objected when they had to redo the take multiple times
the lingering touches shared between their characters are also picked up on, with rafe often touching iris and keeping her close by the end of the season
drew and obx actress!reader spent more time together this season working to develop their relationship after the directors told them more of the series plans, growing their bond even more
the attention on season 2 is greater this time around, with more fans and more people interested in the actors personal lives
obx actress!reader posts a few behind the scenes pictures, but nothing that really gets tongues wagging
it's a picture posted by madison bailey that does, with drew and obx actress!reader lying next to each other on a yacht, the pair side by side as they appear deep in conversation. fans go crazy from all angles, from the tiny bikini she was wearing to drew only in his swim trunks
the pics of them getting clingy and touchy later on in the evening don't ever make it out however….
the cast just sigh, having flashbacks to the 'friendly kisses' the pair always seem to share after a few drinks
in interviews, fans learn of obx actress!reader spending christmas at drew's and they just go wild, convinced the pair are in a secret relationship
with rafe and iris becoming more important characters in season 2, interviewers are lining up to film with the two of them alone, and for the few that manage, the views on the clip are sky high
it's literally just drew and obx actress!reader flirting and giggling the whole time with each other
obx actress!reader 100% simps for drew, complimenting his new look to the interviewer and saying he looks so handsome. drew can only blush and look down at his hands, all shy and cute
ok but lets talk about the bloopers!
it's the scene where they're in the car, rafe begging iris to listen to him after trying to drown sarah, and drew is waving his hands around wildly and accidentally hits her in the head. drew is instantly all over her, tenderly brushing her hair away from her head, checking in on her and apologising so much. it's quiet, but the microphones pick up on drew whispering "are you ok, baby? 'm so sorry"
but yet, they're not in a relationship??? and then drew starts filming hellraiser and people become convinced he's dating odessa??? and everyone is just so confused (including drew and obx actress!reader)
but then? there's pictures posted by paparazzi of drew and obx actress!reader together in new york, seeming far too close to be platonic and cuddling up against each other? queue even more confused fans
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hehehe
Q: if i were to give obx actress!reader a love interest to spice things up and build some more angst, who would you want to see???
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luckykiwiii101 · 2 days ago
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Heyhey
First of all,
Much love to you. I know you've helped a lot of people and on behalf of everyone you've helped..a big thank you!
I found something on reddit and it made everything just click in an instant. I'll put it at the end. (for some reason I can't link it) I am sending this to you in the hope that this will really help some people who feel lost.
Sidenote: I know it's basically what you and other blogs has been preaching about, but this is rephrased differently and may help some people understand and truly apply (and stop overconsuming lol)
I CANT BELIEVE IT TOOK ME ALL THIS TIME TO FINALLY GET IT…  Tips & Techniques I’ve known about the Law of Assumption for almost four years, and now I finally get it. I always thought that when I closed my eyes to imagine something, it was my false self—let’s call her Ella—doing the imagining and experiencing the desire. But that’s not true. Ella only exists in the physical realm; she’s just another object in awareness. The one who’s really imagining is awareness itself—God, consciousness—the only thing that truly exists. Now I understand why imagination is immediate and real. It’s not Ella’s creation because she has no access to awareness. Ella’s role is confined to the 3D world. Her job is to make sense of life through logic, past experiences, and sensory input. So, when I imagine something, Ella can’t “see” it because imagination operates in the realm of awareness, not the physical. This is why thoughts like “Where is it?” or “It’s not working” arise—they’re just Ella panicking because she didn’t witness the creation happen. Ella is fixated on time and the physical world, so she doubts anything beyond her perception. But her panic doesn’t mean anything because she’s not the one imagining. She’s not capable of understanding or influencing what exists in awareness. This realization leaves no excuse not to trust my imagination. Imagination is beyond Ella’s capabilities, and its reality is not dependent on her understanding. This isn’t an invitation to hate or fight Ella—it’s about recognizing her limitations and letting her be. When I notice my mind being logical or thinking doubtful thoughts, I can let them pass because that’s just Ella doing her job. There’s no need to argue with or control her because it’s like bullying a blind person for not being able to see. She simply can’t perceive what’s happening in awareness, and that’s okay. Let her do her thing, knowing it doesn’t matter. The real work is already done in imagination, which is the realm of the infinite.
Someone answered:
Yup, Ella is herself a manifestation of consciousness and there is only consciousness. We think we are Ella, when we are consciousness, perceiving things through Ella's perspective. Good job. And that's exactly why manifestation is instant, the moment awareness becomes aware of something through your imagination, it happens. Because everything is awareness. You already are living that reality from the moment you imagined it. Ella will keep thinking. You need to not react to those thoughts or feelings of Ella, observe them, take care of Ella when she feels down but laugh a little at her naivety. Most people imagine and forget that they're not Ella but consciousness and become aware of something else by giving attention to Ella's limited perspective but guess what? Ella is a well behaved child, she will learn as soon as you discipline her. Her thoughts would slowly get on board too and so will the feelings. So let Ella be, don't react to her thoughts and emotions and become aware of something that's not what you want
People need to read this!!! Thank you so much for sharing!!
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icarusredwings · 22 hours ago
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Yall ever think about how Logan has *nothing* from his universe? I can't imagine he had a big collection of things, but it makes me wonder about his very little amount of pictures, his Veteran hats, his badges, his devils bergade hat, honorary medals. No, he wouldn't have kept all of it. Not even half of it. But I just know that he sometimes sees someone with a matching badge from a specifc group and wants to flash them his own but can't. He hates the things he's done with his life, hates himself just as much. But he hates the way he has nothing to show for it even more.
Hates the way Jean turned Logan's old room into a memorial and hung up every award he kept, every badge, every medal, every hat, anything that showed significance of the time Logan spent protecting people.
At least that's what she claimed it's meant for but this Logan knows. He knows just how bloody these badges were before cleaned. He knew what it took to get that medal and reconized the stitching in one of the uniforms because his has to be fixed the same way.
But do you know what he really hates?
That almost everything in this room is from a time in which he was owned. Treated like an animal to be caged. Leashed. Chained.
It becomes very clear to him that the reason this Logan was liked so much is because he stayed, sure, but also he let himself be controlled. Be the property of someone else. Whether that be the X Men or the government, the military, didn't matter. He hated it all.
And yet... he's still envious. Because Logan STAYED. He fought when things got gritty.
Something he was too much of a coward to do.
When things got rough, he wouldn't fight like this Logan, No. He'd leave. Like a pathetic wuss.
Still to this day it confuses him. Why did he hold such an anger for him? Why did he let himself get chained down? Why did he care about people who just wanted to use him? Wouldn't it be better to leave? Who did he stay for?
"...He would have hated this."
Turning, He sees Kitty standing there beside him. He didn't even see her come in.
"Mmh.."
".. He would have said that too... I told her it was dumb. That you hated everything she makes you out to be... " She says, not looking at him but the picture on the wall.
"I'm not hi-"
"I'm not talking to you." The statment is sharp, glancing at him for just a moment. "But clearly, you hate it too.. I wonder..Do you hate it for the same reason?"
"...She made him out to be some kinda caged animal."
"She made you out to be some kinda war hero."
The parallels were said at the same time.
Kitty looks at him, brow raised. "He spent his entire life trying not to be that-"
"And I've been trying my entire life to be a hero. Look where that got me." Logan tells her, shoving his hands in his pockets.
Kitty turns, flicking him in the nose.
"Ow, Hey!" He growls, trying to grab her hand, but she only phases through.
"You saved an entire universe. How are you not a hero?"
"Yeah! By killing my entire universe. One in which I've killed far more than you could probably count!"
Kitty gives him a look, crossing her arms and tilting her head. "...I'm a comp sci professor... try me. I bet more numbers have came out since you were in school, gramps."
Rolling his eyes, Logan grumbled. "Sure. Like im afraid of you, half pint."
Katherine's eyes widden and frowns, now looking away, hugging herself. He could smell how much this upset her, smelling the tears whelling up and the sadness within her.
"... Look I'm sorry. I don't know what you and him had but-"
She punches him square in the nose. Blinking, the pain floods the broken cartilage that had snapped. Blood trickles down his lip. For being so little, she sure packed a punch... wonder where she learned that.
His hand comes up, feeling it, then glared, snarling. "You little b-!"
"Ha ha! Can't touch me!" She says, wiping tears as his hand phases through her stomach.
"Rule number one! Never let your guard down." She tells him, now running off, completely morphing through the door as if it wasn't even there. "Can't catch me old man!"
Standing here, Logan blinks, his hands itching and eyes thinning. He wants to chase her. He's not sure why, but... he has a feeling that this isn't a fight. It feels more like a game of tag.. a dangerous game. But a game.
The smallest of smiles come to his face, unseathing his claws. Ripping open the door, he starts sniffing, trying to track her through the mansion.
A feeling of home fills his chest. It's foreign but...nice.
And just for a second? Logan thinks he knows why the dead fucker stayed..
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5000stars-in-reach · 3 days ago
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This may sound odd but I started queer shipping as almost a reaction or rebellion against shitty straight romances in media. I hated how if there was a guy and a girl on screen together they would always end up together at the end for absolutely no reason. Like, why is there this half-assed romance plot shoehorned into the end of this action movie? It was like it was impossible for them to be friends, their relationship had to be romantic. Oh no, they smiled at each other, time for them to get married and kiss! Let's suffer through this god awful, awkward as hell, sex scene because two members of the opposite sex shared a meal. Guess what, friends can eat food too. I'm tired of shitty romances ruining a great friendship. I was even forced to watch awful rom-coms that had zero chemistry and zero likeability for years and I am so done with this shit.
So anyways, since we live in a world where gay people exist and I'm queer, I decided to apply that hetero logic to characters of the same gender. I felt like, if we can't have a guy and a girl who get along just be friends then we don't get two girls or two guys being friends. I'm just applying what I had been taught for years and consistently shoved down my throat more broadly.
Despite enjoying romance, I still love to see good depictions of friendship in media between all genders and would love to see more. I think we don't see enough deep platonic relationships that feel real, believe, and grounded. Like relationships that are strictly platonic and feel very platonic. For me, devotion and/or spending time doing a group activity isn't enough to make an interesting platonic relationship. I want to see examples of friends having inside jokes, knowing and understanding each other's quirks, I want them to have gone through tough times together and supported each other throughout. I want to see and feel the characters platonic chemistry. Clance & Max as well as Jo & Greta from A League Of Their Own are some standout examples. There are also a lot of platonic relationships dynamics that feel boring and overplayed. Or the individual relationships get drowned out in a group dynamic and just kind of fade away in the background.
For me a lot of shipping is about spite and not necessarily romance. I still enjoy it and have fun but I don't only want that. I do still want to see platonic relationships that feel 100% platonic. If there are romances that have a lot of romantic chemistry, then I want platonic relationships to also have platonic chemistry.
“we need more platonic relationships in media” your inability to turn off your shipping brain is a You problem
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riverintheunderworld · 2 days ago
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Bath
↳ A Patient Casper x MC who struggles with accepting good things
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"Stop squirming," Casper huffs, tugging at your hair. Its not firm enough to hurt, but it's firm enough to send a message. "You're making this very difficult."
"Agh! I'm not being difficult on purpose," you swiftly reply, turning your head back to look at him.
Droplets fly away from your damp hair, and you swear you weren't aiming for them to drop on his face!
You simply can't help yourself from chuckling as he grimaces, however.
"Sorry, sorry." You're not sorry at all, actually. Judging by the way he looks at you, a brow raised as he does his signature frown, you can tell that he knows. "It's just -- I can do this myself, y'know!"
"I know." He hums, softly guiding your head forward with his fingers pressed against your temple. "I'm not stupid."
Casper starts to take your shampoo, murmuring something about how there's too much silicon on it, or whatever, as he pours it on his hand.
"You really don't have to do this."
"I know. You keep doing that -- stating things that are obvious to me. It's very annoying." You'd probably be more offended if this happened in a different time, but honestly, you're just trying to focus on anything but the way Casper rubs at your scalp.
How does he make it feel so good?
Distantly, you wonder if you could make him do this for you everyday. Mornings would be a little less horrible, and you wouldn't come into work with a frown on your face like usual.
But no, you couldn't ask him of that. It'd be too much work, really.
He probably wouldn't want to, anyways.
"You're quiet," his voice is always nice to hear, but you can't help but tense up once he calls you out. "Nothing good comes out from you being quiet."
"Hey."
"I'm not wrong," he chuckles, voice turning a little softer as his hands continue to work. "You're thinking -- thinking so hard that it's honestly concerning. What's on your mind, sunshine?"
"Why should I tell you?" You sigh, sinking in deeper. The water rises to your chest. It's warm.
"Your thoughts are often too heavy to carry on your own," he presses a kiss to your bare shoulder, and you swear you stop breathing for a second. "Let me carry some of the load."
"Uh.."
"Please?" Another kiss, and this time, it's against the back of your neck."Don't make me beg."
Hm.
Well, that's a thought for later.
But, you're not gonna keep him waiting. It takes you a few seconds to even think about the first word you wanna say, but you manage.
"I was just thinking about how nice this was. Showering is, like, the worst part of my mornings." You tilt your head against the tub, and you see him looking at you intently. For someone who loves their own voice, he seems to like listening to yours a lot. "But now you're here. Cleaning my body -- which I could've done myself."
He snickers at your pointed tone.
"You turned a part of my routine that I absolutely hate into.. something I can look forward to?" You mutter, words slowly growing quite. "Just by your presence."
"I'm just that great." Casper proclaims, clearly proud of himself.
You cup some of the bathwater in your hands, before chucking it backwards.
Casper hisses, like the cat he is.
"Sunshine. Don't be difficult." He grumbles from behind you. That manages to shut you up.
Casper aims the water to your head, before combing out the conditioner with his hands. He's a lot more gentle than you are when it comes to things like these.
"Do you want me to help with-"
"Nope! No. Thank you." You say as fast as you can. Having someone wash your hair for you is embarrassing enough - but your body?
Casper backs off, leaving some space between him and the tub. You turn your head to look at him.
His expression is soft.
"I wouldn't mind doing this for you, by the way." He hums, leaning down for the last time to place a kiss between your brows. "It's really no problem."
Your mouth forms a frown at the idea. It's nice, but... you can't accept that - even if you want to.
"I can't let you do that for me. I mean, you'd have to wake up early in the morning-"
"Which I already do."
"Well... I'm just going to be grouchy the entire time."
"And why would that stop me?" He hums. "It never stopped you, did it?"
You turn your head around, trying to come up with something to say as you look at the water trickling around your body.
"I can't push you to do anything you don't want to - but if this is also something you want, I'm asking you to think about it. As of now, I don't have a job. I spend most of my time here waiting for you and protecting your house from danger. If I could start my mornings taking care of you? I'd do anything."
Casper finally stands up, looming over you. He places a hand on your head, before finally walking out.
"I love you." He says, looking at you before he leaves.
"Me too."
"I'll make you breakfast while you shower." He smiles, closing the door. At least one thing is going right this morning.
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A/N: I don't take baths so I'm not exactly sure why I wrote this ??
Anyways !! I thought it would be fun to do, like, a reverse of the bath scene !
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polarisjisung · 2 days ago
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LOVE ON THE COURT | 38 LAST NIGHT WAS A MOVIE
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SYNOPSIS | every college student has their struggles, but raising her younger brother has Y/N top of the list, struggling her way through college whilst balancing her academics and basketball captaincy is difficult no doubt and with Jaemin, her ex best friend and captain of the guys basketball team, and his growing one sided hatred towards her, it doesn't seem to be getting any easier
WARNINGS | sexual innuendos, swearing
NOTES | smau/written/smau format for this chapter!! also we're super close to the end now gang I'm excited 😼
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"Hey, come in." Y/n let Jaemin into her apartment, smiling awkwardly—something Jaemin's seen countless times before— only it had never been directed at him.
They weren't awkward. They didn't do awkward. Or, at least, they hadn't.
His heart sinks just a little.
"Hey, how have you been keeping?" Jaemin asks the question, and as natural as it feels, he wishes he hadn't asked at all. He didn't need to anyway. Not with her.
Jaemin doesn't think he had ever asked Y/n that question. It wasn't what they did, who they were. They didn't need to ask, they just knew.
And even now, when everything seems to have changed, some things are exactly the same, like how Y/n fiddles with a loose strand of her hair, and rocks back and forth on the couch.
He tries desperately to ignore the fact that she'd chosen to sit as far away from him as possible, instead waiting for an answer to his question.
But when she does speak, Jaemin can't bear to hear the response.
"I'm fin-" he interejcts, not wanting to have to see her lie to his face.
"You're nervous," he states, a matter of fact, "don't be peach." his tone softens, his eyes locked on hers, but she doesn't look his way at all.
"How are you?" Y/n's eyes are trained to the floor.
Jaemin hates it.
The question feels too empty, like they're two strangers just passing each other by. Making small talk, it wasn't something they'd ever done, and he didn't want to start now.
He can't help himself when he shuffles towards her, the soft touch of his fingers just below her chin, causing her to look up. And thought she doesn't look into his eyes just yet, Jaemin smiles, knowing she's looking at him. The racing of his heart eases just a little.
Despite the thick air in the room, the weight of the situation, despite the invisible force between them that tugged in all the wrong places, despite all those differences, one thing remained unchanged.
All these years later, Y/n looked his way just the same. Like he was everything. Her everything.
"Look at me, angel," his hand rests softly against her cheek, cradling it, as though she was the most precious thing, "it wasn't your fault."
That causes her eyes to snap upwards, meeting his.
And Jaemin sees it, clear as day, the guilt in her eyes. He wishes he could take it in his hand, pull those thoughts out of her mind and see her, the Y/n who never went through this at all. He wishes she wouldn't blame herself. He wished he could erase the memories, erase it all.
But Jaemin knew that it wasn't possible.
"Me and you," he looks at her, gaze deeper, more intense, "We're stronger than this." His voice comes deep, low and soothing, laced with such tenderness that Y/n hears her heartbeat resounding in her ears. "I won't let this ruin us anymore."
It felt like a promise. A dream.
Y/n swears she can't breathe, no amount of air enough for her to finally exhale. He was right, but somehow, it all seemed too good to be true. She found herself too caught up in everything that had passed, analysing each moment like something more was yet to come, like she'd missed something. Like a plot twist waiting to happen, a hidden truth waiting to stab her in the heart.
"I should have known better." Her words come out, barely a whisper, the ache in Jaemin's chest growing as her notices how her eyes begin to water.
"You didn't know Y/n." as much as Jaemin wants to admit his mistakes, express just how badly he wishes he'd just heard her out, listened to her side of the story just once, he can't, afraid that he'll break. And if he did, she would too.
"I just wish it never happened," she sighed, her voice shaking desperately, "i just wish you were there, I wish it wasn't us."
She almost doesn't make any sense, but that's what Jaemin was best at, understanding her when she barely understood herself."I know angel," he leaned forward, gently laying a kiss to her forehead, "but we made it, didn't we?"
Y/n gulps, nodding. Her throat feels dry despite wanting to scream out in agreement.
Jaemin's eyes overflow, with warmth, with adoration, with assurance.
They'd made it out. They always would.
"Then that's all that matters."
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aniesvision · 23 hours ago
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𐂃 𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒏𝒙𝒊𝒆𝒕𝒚- 𝑴.𝑺
𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝒅𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒆𝒓!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓, 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕, 𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒅𝒓𝒖𝒈𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒙𝒊𝒆𝒕𝒚, 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒂𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏, 𝒔𝒖𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆, 𝒔𝒎𝒖𝒕, 𝒐𝒓𝒂𝒍 (𝒇! 𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒆𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈), 𝒑 𝒊𝒏 𝒗, 𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒖𝒕, 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆, 𝒇𝒍𝒖𝒇𝒇
𝚊/𝚗: 𝒊 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒆𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒐𝒏𝒆, 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒖 𝒈𝒖𝒚𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒐𝒐 ♡︎ 𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒖𝒂𝒈𝒆!!
𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒖𝒑 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒊𝒎
3450 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔
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Selling weed to drunk teenagers and young adults at parties wasn't my first option, but high school ended a few years ago, I live alone since my parents kicked me out of their house and college is expensive as fuck. I tried to get a normal job, but my classes were taking a lot of time and it wasn't working out. Maybe it could, but I felt like I was going to explode any second, and mental health is also expensive so I couldn't afford a therapist if I needed one.
I used to love parties, drinking and dancing with my friends, just running away from all the responsibilities. Now I hate them. I have to talk to people I don't like, people I don't know, weird guys that give me what I need to sell and then I get back barely enough to pay my bills. They're not exactly dangerous, but I don't have the energy to fight back and ask for more.
My luck was to become friends with a girl in college who knew influencers and got us in a few parties. Honestly it wasn't a surprise that almost all of them used something, I mean, they have to find a way of going through life and sometimes getting high is a great escape from reality. I do it myself and I don't even get hundreds of comments about everything I do online.
Since they were all rich or close to being rich I always charged more than normal. They could pay and I needed that money, so it's only fair. Funny thing though it's not all influencers are assholes and I ended up getting involuntarily closer to one of them.
Matthew Sturniolo. Didn't seem like the kind to use stuff, and didn't look like he had done it before when I handed him a joint. I had to teach him how to smoke, something I've never done before to anyone, and when I realized his shaky hands and bouncy legs I immediately caught the reason he even asked for it.
We talked a lot the day we met, even told him my number in case he wanted more weed, but deep down I was curious and hoped he would text me so I could see him again.
When days later he called me wanting more I was surprised. First because he called, not texted like everyone does, second because for some reason I could feel through the tone in his voice that he felt the same he did at that party. He was beyond anxious and I felt bad, he seemed decently nice to be in the environment he was in that day, but I guess he needed to be present.
I found out he's a triplet, and his brothers had no idea that he wasn't sober anymore like the other two. I wonder if they're also as nice and calm as he is, at least he talks about them with love so I think they're all really close.
I have no idea why, in fact, it's a really bad thing for him to trust me enough to get in my car and smoke with me without even knowing me, but I was glad he did. It was the first time I was hanging out with a customer, and I wasn't mad at all. I did the talking for a few minutes, watching as he visibly calmed down, and eventually started talking back.
When he left I made sure to warn him about the smell so he could take a shower before his brothers noticed, and when I drove back to my place I couldn't stop wondering if he'd call me again.
But this time he texted. And he was alone, so he asked if I wanted to smoke with him inside his house. It was a bad idea, clearly a huge red sign, and I still said yes. We know a little bit about each other by now, and he had the opportunity to do anything when he got into my car, yet he seemed more like a scaredy cat than anything else, for him I probably looked like the dangerous one.
Matt is cute, all shy, but kind. More of an introvert, he gets anxious a lot, but have things to help him, and people, weed shouldn't be on the list. It was the third time we saw each other, the third time smoking together, third joint I had sold him, and I was already starting to regret selling him.
-Why did you want to smoke? -I ask, holding my joint in between my fingers and looking at him.
His smile falters as he processes the question, taking a deep breath before deciding to open up.
-I think my anxiety was getting worse and I couldn't find anything to help me anymore. I didn't want to bother my brothers, they have their own things going on as well.
I nod, feeling more empathy for him than I probably should. Talking to him felt like talking to a normal boy, not like talking to those internet famous people who somehow became "famous". He was genuine, he was showing true feelings and being relatable, I just couldn't help feeling like he was my friend and I had to help him, or try to.
-What did you do when you felt like this?
I take another hit, carefully placing my joint down and kicking off my shoes to get more comfortable on the couch. He follows my movements with his eyes.
-Journalling, going on walks, nature, fortnite. –He chuckles, looking to the other side. -I like seeing animals, watching movies, I don't know, anything that could distract me.
I smile, nodding and taking a sip of water from the third bottle we've opened since we started smoking.
-That's cool. Why don't they seem to work anymore?
He shrugs, taking the last hit before throwing the finished joint into a bowl. The smoke left his lips smoothly, now being more used to the feeling and not coughing, eyes turning slightly red as the effects hit him.
-I don't know. They don't feel the same, it's like I'm losing interest, y'know? -He asks, with his accent showing up.
I nod once again, knowing exactly what he meant. That's one of the reasons why I started smoking, years ago, and knowing how I just simply cannot live without it I feel responsible for making Matt realize this is not a good option and there are other ways of making the anxiety disappear. I don't want him to be like me.
☘︎☘︎☘︎
Matt has texted me at least once a week for the past three weeks and it was starting to worry me how badly he needed more. Smoking more than one joint, smoking alone, I warned him I wouldn't sell him that much, but he was getting used to the idea of not thinking about his problems while high and our texts were no longer just about him wanting to buy stuff.
We talked every day. I tried to keep it as superficial as possible, but it was no use since we ended up opening up to each other. I told him my reason for selling, almost all that happened in my life, and I knew so much about him too. My concerns only increased as the days went by and now, with him in my apartment for the second time this week, I knew I had to do something about it.
-Long time no see. -I joke, seeing him at my front door.
His face said what he didn't need to, he was almost panicking, sweating, pink cheeks, glossy eyes, shaky hands. He didn't seem healthy at all, and it was hurting me to know that part of it was my fault. I gave him access to drugs, I showed him how to smoke.
-I need one. -He sighs, stepping inside and closing the door behind him.
We sat down on my couch, him watching me intently as I started rolling a couple of joints.
-That bad, huh? –I ask, my voice sounding a bit lower than normal. -You know I can't keep selling you this shit, right?
I look at him, my eyes sending him a warning. We talked about it before, I had to bring up how much he was contacting me for drugs and how much I disliked it.
-I know, I'll stop, I just feel really bad right now. -He tells me, but I had no trust that he'd actually stop.
-I hope so, I care about you, Matt. You're not just my customer, you know that.
My voice was soft, full of sincerity, and he knew that, his eyes also softening when he realized he was being too much.
-I just need to find other ways to deal with it. -He looks down, almost embarrassed, fidgeting his fingers.
There's a silence for a minute, all we ever talked about, how much I worry about him, how I feel responsible for him, how I'm so grateful we met and how much I hate to see him like this, all going through my mind. I couldn't bear to watch him suffer and fill him with drugs to make it go away, because I knew that it wouldn't, it just makes things worse.
I'm not an addict, at least not to the point it makes my life harder, I just use weed whenever I'm stressed, which is a lot. Although, I have the strength to do what I need to and that's good for me, it means I'm still healthy enough to go through my stuff. But Matt isn't. He doesn't seem or act healthy, and although is not just because of the weed, I think it makes him feel like he can only do stuff when he's high. And that is dangerous.
I try to think about other ways of making him feel better. My tongue sealed the first beck, putting it aside as I worked on the second one. There weren't many options, all the things he used to like seem boring to him now, and there's not much we could do. He needs something that makes both body and mind work at the same time, something that makes him tired, makes him feel.
I was reluctant to ask him what came into my mind, but as I saw him become impatient and my fingers close the second beck, I knew I had to do something, and I had to do it now.
-Matt, would you fuck me? -I ask, sealing the second beck and putting it aside.
I could've worded it better, but I felt desperate to avoid him smoking again. His eyes widen, jaw falling in surprise. I was also surprised with myself, but if I'm being honest it wasn't the first time I asked this, the only difference is that I usually ask it to myself, in my brain, not out loud, not to him.
-What?!
-You heard me.
Saying it once was enough, I had no courage to ask him twice, but at least it was kinda working, he stopped fidgeting his fingers and didn't even look at the joints that I discreetly set on the coffee table.
He seemed to think about it, processing my words, eyebrows raising as his eyes looked everywhere but at me. He licks his lips, placing each hand on each side of his body.
-I mean, yeah, I guess, but why?
His answer was not what I expected, but I didn't know what to expect. It made my heart beat faster and now I felt like the shy anxious one. I never did this before, nothing that I did with Matt I did before in my life with anyone else. Being friends with a customer is not usually the best idea, most of the time it's not even possible, but more than that?
He knows me. He truly does, and I know him, as much as he lets me. This is not just a common selling-buying relationship, it's way past that.
-Well, sex is a decent way to help with your anxiety, better than drugs.
I explain, my voice slightly shaky, eyes meeting his awkwardly, hoping I was making any sense.
When he studies me with his eyes I feel nervous, he could pay for the weed and go away, never talk to me again, say all the worst things he could think of.
Instead, he only nods, face turning serious.
-Do you want to do it or do you just want me to quit the weed so bad you're considering it?
His words caught me by surprise, but by now I shouldn't be surprised with anything anymore. Although it was kind of a harsh statement, I knew where he was coming from and the tone in his voice showed me he was as hesitant as I was.
-I do want you to quit, but I wouldn't do it just because of it. -My answer was clear, and almost a relief, for both of us.
There was another silence, not long, but that carried all the emotions and uncertainties both of us had at the moment.
-I get anxious a lot. -Matt says, half joking, half teasing.
Feels like we got ourselves an agreement, and I just know things are changing drastically between us now.
-I'm aware of that. -I joke back.
We smile at each other, taking in the final moment of acceptance before Matt's lips are on mine. I quickly kiss him back, our lips moving slowly at first, savoring each other's taste. There was a pause to breathe that didn't last long until we were kissing again.
With those two kisses I was more than happy with myself for thinking of such a good way of helping him, if I wasn't sure why I felt the urge to do something about it now it was crystal clear. I like him. Talking to him, being his dealer, being his friend, getting to know him, caring about him, it might or might not be in a romantic way, but I like him, a lot.
Feeling his lips on mine, our tongues brushing together, him carefully laying me down on the couch and hovering me, with one hand finally holding my waist. I definitely like him, and I like this, I like his touch as much as I like his voice, I like kissing him as much as I like hanging out with him, I like all of him.
Our shirts were on the floor, my bra hanging over the coffee table, his hands exploring my skin as I shivered, eyes connected as he slipped my pants down. His fingers were cold, pressing on my soaked panties, eyes admiring it like a work of art, speechless.
All anxiety in his body left when my last piece of clothes was discarded and his mouth did wonders on me, moans probably pissing off the neighbors as I tried to pull him closer by his hair.
-Fuck, Matt, I'm gonna cum... -I warn him with a whiny voice, back arching and head falling back.
-Please do, wanna taste you so bad. -He barely takes his mouth out of me to say, hands gently caressing my thighs.
My first orgasm with him was surprisingly good, not that I expected it to be bad, but definitely didn't expect it to feel so... perfect. He smiled at me like he was proud, kissing all over my body until his lips found mine again, making me taste myself.
His clothes were soon discarded as well and just by the sight of him I knew I had one more reason to like him. He seemed the calmest I've ever seen him, considering what was happening, a smirk of confidence on his lips proving he knew exactly what he was doing to me. His hand wraps around his length, teasing my folds with his tip and holding himself up with his other arm.
-Wanted to do this for so long, if I knew I had a chance I wouldn't even ask for so much weed just to see you. -He smirks down at me, circling my sensitive clit with his tip.
The feelings were so intense I almost missed what he said, but when my brain processed his words I was shocked. My jaw fell in surprise, eyes widening and my arm lifting so I could slap his arm with my hand, giving him a look of disbelief.
-You're unbelievable, you didn't have to buy anything, or use anything! We could've just hung out. -I say, trying not to smile at the fact he confessed he wanted to see me.
But in awful terms and I felt even more responsible for his acts.
I didn't have time to be mad at him, though, because he decided it was the perfect time to push all of him at once. My gasp was so loud that the entire building probably heard it, my walls fell on fire for a few seconds and he remained in the same position until my expression softened and he started to move.
His confession fully disappeared from my mind when I felt just how good he could feel. It gave me butterflies to feel him moving at a slow pace, keeping eye contact like he wanted to make sure everything was okay. His eyes looked so pretty, dark and full of desire, but also affection.
Matt kisses me again as he fasteners his thrusts, making me moan against his lips. One of his hands grabs one of my thighs, holding it up against my chest, hitting deeper.
-So fucking good. -He whispers, a long breath leaving his lips as his eyes roll back and his head falls.
My nails leave bruises on his back as I feel my second orgasm building up, sounds getting louder and my body squirming non-stop under him. Didn't take long for me to reach it, him following and pulling off just fast enough to paint my stomach with his seed.
After deep breaths and a long hug to calm down, Matt stands up and walks to my bathroom, already knowing how to navigate through my apartment, and comes back with a towel to clean us. When we were done he left me putting on my clothes again to get me some water.
Both decently dressed, a pause to the bathroom and lots of water later, Matt and I sit back on the couch, looking at each other, my head resting on the backrest and his hand moving my hair behind my ear.
-I didn't smoke all the joints I bought. I gave some to my friends who smoke. I only smoked once without you and I hated it. I was too nervous to ask you to just hang out, I wasn't sure if you'd want to, so I kept coming back to buy more because I knew I could spend time with you that way.
His voice was soft and sweet, only sharing his truth with me without being scared of it. Although it was adorable that he wanted to see me so much he found a way he thought it was the best, I hated how unsure he was if I'd want to spend time with him back. I also hated that weed was involved in this.
I smile at him, taking his free hand in mine and interlacing our fingers, rubbing my thumb against his skin.
-Matt, I really like seeing you and hanging out with you, there's no need to feel nervous, weed or no weed I still want you around. Honestly, preferably with no weed, you don't need it, never did.
His eyes showed so much gratitude, almost shining with relief. He smiles back, nodding his head and looking down at our fingers, his other hand still playing with my hair.
-Yeah, it didn't help me that much, but at least it brought you into my life, so I'm grateful for it.
My heart swells with affection, butterflies flying free in my stomach. I reach out to press a soft kiss on his lips, wanting to show him just how much I enjoyed knowing how he feels.
-I'm so happy to have you in my life, Matt. -I whisper, pulling away just enough to say it.
We smile at each other, both of his hands now on my cheeks, cupping them gently.
-Does this mean you'd say yes to a date?
I giggle, nodding and wrapping my arms around him.
-Yes, I'd love to.
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