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merakiui · 3 years

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welcome to the day a duck ruins your perception of items in genshin impact. i uh. made some items in genshin impact as yandere boys and what they're like sort of?? you could try and burn your eyes now. ;) adepti seekers stove- he's going to be a tsundere no buts or uhts. he's the type of yandere that's trying to be protective and failing miserably everytime. so being impatient and angsty. so, he resorts in kidnapping you instead. but hey look on the bright side! even when you're kidnapped you can have delicious meals and snacks! secretly likes to cook for you a lot, but he won't admit it even in death. just don't question why there's a lingering scent of sleeping potions in your meal and you'll be good as jolly jee! probably wants you to help him in the kitchen, since he once heard that couples do that. would probably give you self esteem issues down the line. "didn't i tell you to not get hurt? are you that much of an idiot?? here. have this it'll lessen the pain just a bit so we can walk back home. just drink it already." windsong lyre- smug bastard, smug shit. he's probably a player or just overly dramatic with everything. maybe he's righteous or something.. likes to show off his music skills a lot. he sucks at it tho. gaslights you probably in public places to add more pressure, because people are staring like you're having a performance or something. calls you love even if he's pissed at you for not listening to him, or accusing him of being toxic or suspecting him of being your stalker that always watches you from your window at 2am! would make you paranoid a lot. loves kissing your cheek and tickling you. he's a closeted pervert. you're gonna have to move in an isolated place too, he will spread rumours of you being his lover. "love, I'm sure that you're just overreacting. plus even if i was the stalker that you're talking about I wouldn't be oh so casually talking to you in public when I could've been hiding! jeez it's like your going crazy." wind-blessed harpastrum- such sweety! just so wholesome bakes you a pie in tuesday sweet. seems patient too but beware he will break your legs when you get a little bit too bratty for his tastes. touch starved too and it shows, that's why he loves to cuddle you lots! really obsessed with what you think of him. if you say you hate him he'll tear up and try to convince you that he's good, but if you pretend that you like him he'll shower you with uncomfortable affection and confessions. really great at making bombs and torture weapons too. probably sewed in a bomb inside your body threatened that he will kill you with it if you leave. bad at darts and archery. if you say that to him he'll laugh and take out his diploma saying that he's too smart for those childish games. he's impulsive in decision making. "haha. you know. you almost escaped from me back there. but hey! now you won't do anything stupid like that ever again if you can't walk." windblume balloon: listen man. im going to be killed but he's an airhead, pun intended right there. probably lowkey manipulative and doesn't even know it yet or chooses to ignore it. protective of you a lot. really delusional to the point that he rationalizes your escape as someone kidnapping you. so say goodbye to whoever poor stranger who was trying to help you escape they'll be greeted by an arrow through their head once he finds you. has a habit of holding your hand because he's afraid you might disappear from his line of sight and leave him all alone. if you let go tho he'll gorilla grip your hand, might crush it too. just very overprotective. he also doesn't know that he's an airhead. yeah."hm? why do i like holding you hand..? i just like it.. your hand makes me feel... uh. safe..? is that the word for it? ah. it was the word loved." wind catcher- he's a full on sadist. throw all of your escape plans out the window, this guy will climb a mountain and ride any wind current available to catch and torture you. persistently trying to make you like him atleast a bit. yeah, he's that kind of delusional. would teasingly push you

of a cliff as a 'light' punishment. dark humour and likes to joke about killing you from time to time. note: he can kill you. and he would also do it by ripping you in half with the wind current so just stay in his house and be a good lover that'll shower him in kisses, okay? okay. he mostly sees you as a tool of interest, but not just any tool- you're his favourite tool. "pfft! hey stop crying now! you're making me feel bad! hm? oh? why am i doing this? well i mean maybe I'm angry that someone was trying to escape. again." warming bottle- he will absolutely leave you in the cold if you were being a brat towards him. lives in dragonspine to spite you, also because he can just turn take away your blankets and anything that can give warmth so you gotta ask him to cuddle you to survive. he usually does this when he's feeling a little petty. which is so frequent. that you can almost give it a schedule. but don't tell him that. kind of a tsundere but only when it comes to physical affection since he's shy. that's why he has to take away your blankets so it looks like he's just mocking you but not because he's touch starved. he's not at home that much too but don't worry, he will make it up to you by uh.. physical activities.. "what? you're freezing? no shit we're in dragonspine. oh? you want me to hug you..? hm. fine. I'll indulge you for a bit. I am quite merciful." parametric transformer- businessman that scams you a lot lol. he's going to be a masochist because i said so, yeah i know the electric stone thing gag that's why i made him a masochist. really likes to collect useless stuff and spoiling you, so expect your room to be filled with a lot of random things from jewelry to mushrooms and crabs. has a you should be grateful i even give stuff mindset. thinks that giving someone something of vaue would make them fall in love with him instantly. also probably loves it when you fight back especially when you successfully land a hit on him, he will enjoy it. but be careful he has different responses whenever you hit him. pick your poison. spends a ton of resources on everything to keep you in line. that rope costed him 700 pinecones. "why do you even wanna escape? i give you a ton of stuff so you won't get bored! hah. maybe if i had picked up someone else they would've been grateful." portable waypoint- throw out your escape plans the season sequel. he's very quiet but has a small temper that won't last that much. maybe he's like that since he tries so hard to repress it. listen he's trying okay? escape always fails so quickly. one minute you're in springvale shouting, crying, begging for anyone to help you and then back to his house to see him sipping some tea. his punishments are cruel too- he makes sure to leave you in a den of monsters and ruin guards, waits until your in the brink of death and teleports you back to him. has a superiority complex over everyone too. probably likes to make you feel weak when you have to rely on him. loves to crush your self esteem. wants to be affectionate but thinks that you, as an inferior being, should be affectionate with him instead. so tsun. "see? this is what i was trying to tell you. you're too weak to actually survive out there. you even had to rely on me to save you. pathetic." memento lens- mysterious and elegant. he's quite cryptic to say the least. likes to watch you from a far if he's feeling a bit angsty. you try to make sense of what he says and it just leads to you being confused even more. and he likes that about you. you actually try to understand him, even if what you guess is wrong. you're going to have a tough time with this guy if you wanna escape. just avoid any fox statues and you'll be good. the problem is the shrine maidens. they basically want the two of you to end up together so they don't have to deal with him. he's actually very gentle with you punishments still suck but atleast he doesn't do it physically, he just makes you write that you're sorry over and over until your wrist are tired. loves poetry and solving puzzles, riddles, scriptures. he's

smart but soft. "spring blossoms even in the darkest depths of uncertainty, is that why you have the courage to try and escape me..?" kamera- perfectionist stalker. wants to make sure that the photos he takes of you are perfect to every extent. colour, lighting, and expressions. even if it means going inside your room and having the possibility of waking you up from your sleep. likes to take pictures of everything too. kind of like this; both of you are walking somewhere and he stops to take a picture of a sunset. he takes twenty minutes trying to find the correct angle. but the sun is already gone so he sulks. maybe- you can cheer him up by volunteering to be his model? you'll do that? right? also worships you like a god so if someone dared to even say something breath near you or celestia forbid insult you, best to say they'll be quickly disposed of by blackmail and fake shit. would not steal any of your belongings, he would just take pictures of it. so he's not that bad. "i consider everything in this world is beautiful, but you have surpassed that. so that is why im keeping you here. no one deserves even a glimpse of you!" waverider toolbox- he's such a gentlemen and a sweetheart. always there to help you with repairs, sometimes he'd add some updates to it too. just ignore the stuff going missing inside your boat thing. he probably guilt-gaslight you into staying with him in his waverider then bam your in an island stranded. ahaha, now both of you just have to survive by working together ya know? like a loving couple likes hugs and physical affection a lot! bonus points if it's given when he's tired from doing his job. as i said tired guy so appreciates all the things you do for him whether it's paying for his meal or giving him a gift. next time, he'll make sure that you won't leave the island permanently. thinks that stranded island equals date smh. " ahh? oh! is this for me? really? thank you.. i don't usually receive gifts but that just makes this even more special! say, do you wanna go on a trip? i just fixed the waverider from last time." red feather fan- mischievous little shit. likes to scare you a lot by appearing on trees and just jumping on you. knows that you're trying to escape but pretends not to since he likes to try and guess which direction you would run to. hugs you a lot even before he kidnaps you really touchy even if you say no he'll use the good ol puppy eyes! doesn't work? okay he'll just smell your clothes when you're sleeping as compensation. he likes to flirt with you a lot. some pickup are cheesy.. but others are a little- personal? acts cool by making a dramatic entrance everytime even. you know those radical superhero landing stuff? that's him. he would build a nest as your house even being a dick and placing it on top of a mountain, goodluck on trying to get down. "caught you! going to the shore was so predictable by the way. maybe you should try a different place next time, dear? hm? maybe a restaurant so we can have date? sounds great right?" serenitea pot- unhinged malewife that wants to make a the perfect living space for you- ehem. probably a perfectionist if you squint hard enough. he's delusional but just a little lucid about the stuff he does to you. likes to make a ton of furniture too! personalized the room you're trapped in with a ton of valuable and expensive materials. just don't try to escape he'll cut your limbs off just like a damn tree shawtie. owns a shit ton of pets ranging from boars to cats. all of them are like bodyguards to you during your stay. dreams about having a peaceful life with you in the realm someday, sigh. he sometimes has burnouts where he just places a bunch of furniture on a single room and call it a day. "and here is your room! do.. do you like it? i made it just for you! i didn't know what wood you would prefer so i just settled on whatever i can find! ahaha. we're kind of like a married couple living together now... right?" nre menu- he's probably going to be from the adventurers guild. really awkward and shy. takes for him a long time to

open up to you. when going on quests he's the one in charge of carrying the food and healing shit you need. really patient and nice! slightly uh mean with other people trying to talk to you but other than that everything is normal. everything is normal the long loving gaze he gives you every now and then and some food being left on your doorstep. yeah let's not question it i mean he's just so shy! he would never do anything wrong? right?? he's a closeted pervert, cliche i know but he's a pervert with a line to not cross. he just checks you out. good for him. would cry if given any ounce of affection. sweet baby. "t-that was a tough commission.. oh u-uh.. do you need some food to replenish your energy? we need to do the other commissions you know.. hm? why aren't you eating it.. something wrong with the food..?" seelies- spoiled. that's the word to describe him. really straight forward with his courting kind of dumb? but he's so damn lucky for some unknown reason that your plans to avoid him always fail. yeah the high quality rope you just bought for 1000 mora? it broke and you fell into his arms. he's probably rich by sheer dumb luck too. finds a ton treasure chests even in the places you didn't expect. people pressure you into spending time with him. since he's just so cute! how could say no to such a face? it really feels like the gods are on his side ya know? he throws a lot of very very aggressive tantrums if you're not with him. thinks he's doing a good job at courting you, with rationalize rejection as a playing hard to get. "tada! look i got you this crystal i found while i was walking! it looks like a diamond and it has a ton of colours too?? is it valuable?? would you kiss me if i give it to you??" endora- majestic, regal, and likes to explore a lot. he uh. probably trapped you in a bubble once or twice too. really curious about his surroundings, also has no personal space since it's first time going out. he would cuddle you when he feels like it homie. kidnapped you and made you his tour guide. don't try to fool him he learns quickly about stuff. fast swimmer, so no joining any expeditions in water if you don't want their ship to be wrecked by a mysterious being of the teyvat seas. he likes to see you cry. it's not a kink he just feels connected to you when you cry. doesn't have a house so you just live in a run down boat. he's doesn't know when you're lying to him sometimes. god complex bastard. "this world. at first i wasn't sure if i was going to like it or not, but ever since I've met you... I've grown to tolerate some parts.. so you should be thankful, you've convinced me. mortal." intertwined fate/older twin- listen. he's just so smug about everything he does. and he knows you love him. probably invites you out on dinner only for him to not show up. so basically he's an asshole without a doubt. toxic boyfriend that gives you false hope and has a ton of admirers. you probably think he won't settle for you right? ah, he's not that cruel. so picks you as his lover out of all the billions of people. you should be grateful! he even kidnapped you! do you know how hard it was for him to go all the way from his home to yours? anyways yeah. asshole. he likes to do the open the door for darling trick where he just gives you a small crack on the door and watch you make a decision. it's an act of your loyalty. if you escape he'll make you feel pain. if you don't then he'll reward your patience. god complex bastard 2."sigh. did you try to escape? again? patience is the key to everything you know. maybe you should learn that. i expected more smart from you." acquaint fate/younger twin- cinnamonroll he's such a sweet guy. he's always there for you when you need him. okay- he has a nice guy complex, fucking damn it. probably uses the but I've been there for you since the start trick unintentionally a lot. he just doesn't know he wants some action, so be thankful that he didn't just jump on you like a barbarian. he's kind of contradicting himself too. one hand he wants you to love him, on the other hand he doesn't

believe he deserves you. loves to give you the same things, remember that one painting you liked from two years ago? he got you that. quantity beats quality. surprisingly, he's really patient but would have bursts of anger every now and then. has a self value issues?? yeah, but did i tell you he's a touch starved guy. punshments are just him softly lecturing you about what's good and what's wrong."i always viewed myself as inferior, that i didn't deserve anything.. but this time. i want to be greedy just once." that's it- :'D i haven't proofread this but here you go mer! ill probably continue with more humanisations of items in genshin later.. if you ask why i ruined your day with this crazy idea i was watching that one video of a person humanising social media and got this idea. also i discovered how to bold out texts... i have power..ejwjdhshaj

so yeah have a great day! -🦆anon

I AM IN AWE?!?! WHOA OMG!!!!! 🦆, THIS IS FANTASTIC!! AAAAAA (≧∀≦)

All of the various characterizations… *chef’s kiss* It’s literally so good! With each one I read I kept thinking okay this guy is my favorite and then I would read the next description and my heart was stolen again. I can’t pick a favorite now. T_T

#chit chat #yandere #🦆 anon #meraki faves #YOU HOLD SO MUCH POWER #AND YOUR BRAIN IS IMMENSELY GALAXY #BECAUSE WOW OMG I AM IN LOVE WITH THE CHARACTERIZATIONS

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cottoncandyjester · 4 years

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Yandere ocs

So I figured I should show them off..and make stories for them cause this idea won't escape my mind no matter what. Please be gentle on them

All artwork is made on picrew I don't own any of it

As far as they go I'm accepting request, questions for the characters to answer and just questions about them and if you just wanna talk to them you can via ask

Warning: contains both sfw and nsfw headcanons..also these boys are yanderes so they are kinda toxic

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Theodore,21

Gentle giant

I'm not kidding he's 6'3"

Half japanese half american

Is a college student studying to be a doctor

Just the sweetest sweetheart

He comes across as ditzy though

He is the mom of any friend group

Will spoil his darling with affection and love

Best hubby vibes for sure

Works himself to death to provide for you both

Will give you all the headpats

"you're so sweet, a perfect angel"

Got his scar from his childhood

Loves sweets

Likes to make you lunch shaped as animals

Wholesome boy

Will never hurt you

Can be strict about self care

But completely forgets about his own self-care

Works so hard to please you

Makes sure you are never sad or anything

As far as his yandere side

He isn't the type to get violent but is definitely the emotional manipulation type

Will make his darling seem absolutely insane

"sweetie, you shouldn't leave be logical here"

He will make his darling question their own decision making

In his eyes you are too fragile for the outside world

Listen to him, he is only trying to protect you

Doesn't like it when you fight him

Prefers a sweet darling but if you are a hothead he'll love you just as much...though your fighting and struggling will be a challenge

Will drug you if that's what it takes to keep you calm

"Just listen to me, okay? Why would you ever need to think or make your own choices when you have me?"

Definitely has a low sex drive more of a cuddler

But when he wants it he's such a gentleman about it

Will seduce you with a nice meal first before asking to make love

He will never force you to though cause he knows what that feels like

Can spend hours kissing you

Definitely has a kink for purity

If you act super innocent he just can't help but pull you into his lap and love up on you

Doesn't do any feral sex unless you've pushed him past his breaking point.

Is a switch so if you want to top him he'll allow it but he is far more comfortable being the dom

Hikaru, 21

Young and famous model

Full japanese

Comes from a family full of actors

Flamboyant as hell will actually crossdress if he wants to cause fuck gender roles

Monster Dick energy

He comes across as loud and hyper

Seems super sweet and bubbly

Loves to dress up his darling in cute clothes and spoil them when they are well behaved

"look at my adorable baby! Oh you're such a cutie!"

Is a strawberry milk boba drinker(*cough* like me *cough*)

Will take you on shopping dates if you are good

Is the type to flaunt his credit cards

Is actually a degrading king

He isn't the nicest yandere

Will kill an entire army if he has to

Will degrade the absolute hell out of his darling to break your self esteem and self worth

"baby, who else will want you? Honestly darling do you think anyone else actually cares about someone as worthless as you?"

Kinky as fuck

Has a bad temper

Don't piss him off or he will hurt you

"why would you ever need to leave! The only one who cares about you is me! Everyone else will just use you and throw you away!"

Is the type to try and make his darling as clingy as possible

Wants a housewife type darling no matter the gender

Wants to come home to an obedient lover ready to give him a kiss, dinner, and a BJ

Always wants to love up on you and have you in his arms

Will be grouchy if he sees you getting too confident in your looks

He fears that if you have too much self confidence you're going to leave him

"what are you wearing? It's absolutely hideous. Hmm? I bought that? Huh you must have looked cute in it then but right now you kinda look like a pig"

All in all he's a brat

If you try and dom him he will absolutely fight back and it will lead to some feral sex

Axis, 18

100% blind

full japanese

Despite not being able to see he doesn't need a cane or anything

Though he likes it when you offer to hold his hand in public

Works at home as an artist

Is really good at it and had some of his work in museums

Like spicy foods

Dumbass

Like super dumb

"hey, babe is tomato sauce a smoothie? Or maybe it's like jelly..but made out of like tomatoes"

Is basically a puppy

Can't keep his hands off you

Is always kissing and loving you

Praise giving king

Has hightened senses so he definitely remembers your smell and how you walk

Always has to be with you

Never leave

Never

He can't handle it

Is the exact opposite of hikaru

Makes it seem like he will actually die without you

"don't leave! Please! I'm helpless without you! [Y/n]! Don't leave me by myself!"

Will make you quit your job

Will make you move in with him

Acts pathetic when you even mention leaving

Hugs your leg and sobs hard

Has fake fallen many times to get you to think he truly is helpless without you

Will have a screaming tantrum if you walk out the door

Just painful screams and sobs while he claws his own face and body out of absolute insanity

Will keep doing that until you come back to him

"s-see, I'm helpless without you. I'll die without you, I need you so please..stay with me forever"

As far as sex..

He is definitely cries during it

Loves you so much that he is just sobbing while fucking you cause you feel so good and he loves you and-

Is like a dog in heat

Loves just feeling all over your body

Sex with him usually lasts many rounds and involves him humping you to death while he sobs and drools all over you

Will sub for you if you want him to

Will honestly do anything you want as long as you are touching him

Prince, 24

Horny 24/7

Full Korean but moved to Japan shortly after birth

Gained his name out of a magazine..thanks mom and dad

Works as a bartender

Usually a one night stand kind of guy but with you it's different

Loves sloppy kisses and cuddles

Bad boy

Aka he pretends to be a bad boy but is actually a softie who loves dogs and long walks on the beach

Goofy as hell

Loves to make you laugh

He isn't used to having a real relationship so be easy on him

Doesn't like restricting you and lets you do basically anything you want

Of course you belong to him though so no doing crazy things

Like to take you to work with him and gives you free drinks

Definitely has a fan girl club

The word sex escapes his mouth every three seconds

Sex with him is usually amazing

He's knows exactly what he's doing

As long as you love him it's all good

The moment you try to break up with him or distance yourself he loses it

"huh? Huh huh huh huh?! You're kidding yeah?! Stop joking around"

Gets hella paranoid and locks you in his house while pacing around not sure what to do

Will kill for you like absolutely will slaughter someone if they get too close to you

He changes so dramatically it's hard to see him as the same laid back flirty guy

He gets tense and panicked

"you can't leave okay?! Don't even try to ask!"

Will start to calm down if he sees you are accepting your fate

Thinks sex will solve his problems

"you just need to see how much of a man I am yeah?! Then you'll stay right?! Of course you will!"

Spirals out of control

You belong to him in his eyes so you can't ever leave

Clearly has abandonment issues

Will try to do whatever he can to make you happy though

Want it and he will get it

just stay with him and he will be okay

Will try and do whatever he can to make you just as obsessed with him as he is for you

Clearly doesn't have experience in loving someone

He's not used to wanting someone to stay with him so he takes drastic measures to assure you never leave

Even tries getting you pregnant or making you disabled to make you make no choice but to stay

Yuki, 21

Not picking favorites buuut-

Sleepy boy

Oddly enough is super athletic and strong..despite not working out

Half japanese half american

Responds with sounds or very few words

Forked tongue- not given to him by choice

Owns a tattoo and piercing shop

Despite this he doesn't own any tattoos

Loves to put his head on your lap or stomach

Prefers chubbier lovers but honestly will love you regardless

Will sleep the entire day without eating if you let him

Doesn't like speaking but if he has to he will

Hates any sort of loud noise, has sensitive senses

Is pretty lazy but if he has to do it he will.. though he will make random grunts and grumbles the entire time while pouting

More of a cat than a person

Quite moody

Only you're allowed to touch him

Anyone else who does he'll glare at and act cold towards

Likes to hug you from behind and lean against you no matter your height

If you're shorter than him expect him to put his chin on your head

If you are taller he's nuzzling his face in your back and taking in your smell

Can't cook to save his life

Almost burnt the house down cause he fell asleep while cooking

It's fine cause he eats microwave dinners and snacks from the convience store

Low sex drive

The king of sleepy sex

Usually all sex with him is slow,teasing and just filled with sleepy praise and compliments

Unless he's jealous or stressed then it's just rough fucking

Doesn't really act like a yandere at all.. buuut-

Honestly thought you two were dating this whole time

What do you mean you two aren't a couple

No no sweetheart you two were dating the moment he laid eyes on you

If you try to break this fantasy he will shut it down

"we're dating."

Try and say no and he will not be able to handle it

All his delusions keep him from breaking down but if you absolutely say that you two aren't dating he will snap

"stop talking, we are dating. So stop lying"

Doesn't like the thought of kidnapping but he will do it if he must

Will even work from home if he has to

He isn't really a violent type so he won't kill for you but he will absolutely spread lies and use blackmail to get what he wants

All your friends and family think that you eloped with him and never want to see them again

It's better for you both if you just play along with his games

Will definitely tattoo his name on you

He won't ever gag you cause he likes to hear your voice but if you try to scream he honestly won't know what to do

The loudness makes him tear up and he just covers your mouth with your hands begging you to stop

"It hurt. Too Loud. Please."

He just wants to love you he doesn't see what he's doing wrong

He just wants to be with you forever so be good and don't fight him

Is definitely the stalker and stealing clothes type

Will make a nest of all your things that smell like you and he'll just lay in it being in absolute peace

Has scared any and all potential lovers away

Mostly through blackmail

He is easily jealous but pretends not to be

As soon as you walk into the house he is there to smell you to see if you smell different

If you do you are taking a shower with him immediately

If not then yay cool cuddles and kisses

#yandere imagines #yandere ocs #yandere #yandere asks #oc x reader

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whats-rambled-rambled · 3 years

Text

Long Nights - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Eddie Vedder - Long nights

I’ve already talked about it in another post a bit, so--

For the first time, I had a full series figured out even before I started writing. All the arcs, main plot points, even the final conversation! I even had a 3h long playlist with all the songs that would come in handy along the way, but still, none of them was the one (so basically same thing that happened with Smoke series)

I started thinking about the main theme and/or drive for our new Reader, and then it hit me. There already is a story with that vibe, and it has such an amazing soundtrack.

So I opened Spotify and browsed through the album.

And I found it.

The overall mood was not something that was going to be helpful at the beginning of the series, but oh my, those lyrics were it for all the things I had planned.

//Have no fear

For when I'm alone

I'll be better off than I was before//

That’s R, all right. Not afraid to be alone, she prefers it. Nothing can hurt her, unlike when she gets too invested. Commitment issues and whatnot.

//Long nights allow me to feel...

I'm falling...I am falling

The lights go out

Let me feel

I'm falling

I am falling safely to the ground//

Knowing what I was about to put R through, this looks only fitting, don’t you think?

Chapter 1: Sigrid - Don’t kill my vibe

I could see LN!R so clearly. I wanted to explore some of my favourite rogue tropes, and she was perfect for it. In my head, she was definitely younger than the other two from my previous series. A bold type, a joker, but serious when it comes to her craft. Not with the same heavy emotional baggage (not at the start, at least - I felt like, opposed to Smoke!R who was more about distracting herself when she felt too much, our new R would be more about denial, or hiding her issues behind her jokes).

I found this song on some random playlist, and I knew it was her.

//You shut me down, you like the control

You speak to me like I'm a child

Try to hold it down, I know the answer

I can shake it off and you feel threatened by me

I tried to play it nice but

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't kill my vibe

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't break my stride//

To me, that was that moment she gets dragged into the car. Not having the obvious lies TP feeds her, definitely finding them all and the stuff they throw at her hilarious, calling them out on their bullshit without thinking twice over it.

//Guess you're surprised I'm the puzzle you can't figure out//

That got me an idea for part 2 and the coffee situation - come on, you know I can’t resist that trope when it comes to Neil, I think it’s an excellent way to get to know the characters a little bit and tell something more about the dynamic.

Tom Grennan - I might

To me, it’s another character introduction song.

//Oh I love, oh I love, love my freedom//

....you already know what I’m getting at, right?

//Don't want no one taking up my time

Staying on my mind, changing up my life

Don't want no one messing up my bed

Fucking with my head, it's no lie//

That’s her. R hates to be manipulated, that’s why she’s mad at Mahir. I didn’t want to put all the angst here, but I knew there was something deeper hidden there, after his comment about her trust issues. I didn’t know what exactly, but I knew it would come in handy later.

There was one spin on the story I was playing with - where she actually lets them all lead her on for a while, a whole elaborate ruse to get her invested and onboard, but that was a lot of drama quite early on, and I wanted this to be a lighter series (oh shush, I am well aware how that played out in the end, I tried, alright? Not my fault I apparently can’t come up with a story without sprinkling it with a shitload of angst)

//But when you look at me like that

I might//

See, this is when I stopped. I didn’t think R would be falling head over heels for Neil right from the start. That’s why the heart beating faster at the end of the chapter was supposed to be about the lock and something finally sparking her curiosity, taking her out of the boredom of everyday life.

Kings of Leon - Find me

That’s more chapter-specific.

//I really wanna know your name

See your face, know who you are, who you are

How did ya find me, how did ya find me?

What are you looking for, are you looking for

How did ya find me how did ya find me

Up in the shadow, picking up my load//

I found it quite fitting the moment R meets Neil again and he drags her to a back alley, and then again, in the car. She isn’t scared, more like fascinated, she finds the whole thing exciting, even.

American Authors - I’m born to run

Oh my god, the vibe of this song! This is that need for freedom and carelessness I needed to tap into.

//I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

I'm gonna spend my time like tomorrow won't come

Do whatever I want like I'm born to run

I wanna see Paris, I wanna see Tokyo

I wanna be careless even if I break my bones

I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

All these things I've seen and done

I live my life like I'm born to run//

The Pretty Reckless - Prisoner

Another random song I found one day while I was cooking breakfast. I was like “oooh, I dig that!” and then I listened to the lyrics and I knew I needed it for this story.

//You could have my body

But you can't have me

I know I'm a criminal

Don't you tell on me//

That’s it. Her. I knew that would be handy for the moment Neil breaks after all the teasing. And that criminal bit. I mean - come on!

Missy Elliot - Work it

(This is technically part 2 but it was messing with the flow on the playlist and I’m leaving it here)

Okay, this is quite meta and corny, because this is probably one of the oldest jokes you can find for Tenet, and I’ve been battling with myself if I should even put it here, but I referenced it in the chapter, so here we are. I’ve loved this song for years, and when I was trying to think what would R listen to while she tries to clear her head while she works on the bloody inverted lock - that was the only thing that seemed appropriate.

//Come on

Is it worth it? Let me work it

I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it

Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i//

...you see what I mean?

Chapter 2: Praise you

God, okay, this song - when I heard it while I was working on the story, it brought a movie-like montage of scenes in front of my eyes. You know the type, when they try to show you how the time passes, how someone progressively becomes better at something. That was Neil, working on those locks. R giving him tips, then teasing him. The way he loses his cool, only to slowly gain confidence, and then how she ups her game, both of them getting their bits of satisfaction from the whole game.

//We've come a long long way together

Through the hard times and the good

I have to celebrate you baby

I have to praise you like I should//

Have I ever told you when exactly I got the idea for the series? When I was writing that hostage situation fic and the moment R remembers her lockpicking sessions. I thought - what if it was the other way around? What if that was Neil who was about to start learning about picking locks?

It had so much potential for ✨hand content✨ and how could I resist?

...And I knew that R would see what I’m seeing, and she would rather like it. And the image of a very flustered Neil while she teases the hell out of him? Yep, yep, yep.

Sam Fender - Start again

This one definitely starts that montage as well, the repetition of going over and over again. Even if the whole song is definitely heavier than I needed, I decided to keep it, mostly for this part:

//Let's start again

Let's learn to talk

Without the fear of being heard

'Cause everybody's listening to everything and everybody

Let's pull the cord

Move below

Let's start again//

Chapter 3: Billy Raffoul - Difficult

Ah, Billy. And when I found this one, I got goosebumps, because I instantly knew that if I had to choose one song for them, it would probably be this one.

//You never get lost in love, you only get lost in me

You never can get enough of whatever you think you need

No matter how hard I try I never can beat this rush

Ain't nobody get me high, feel lighter when we touch//

This fits them so well, innit? We know how R feels about this whole love thing, she enjoys a good shag, and I had a feeling that after such a build-up, that night together would be something quite amazing, for both of them.

//We never get lost in love, we only get lost in sheets

You'd rather just shut me off whenever we get too deep//

That’s the moment when they have a vibe check in the morning. They had fun. Is it gonna affect their dynamic? They’re attracted to each other, they understand one another. Can they keep it casual? We know that R can, or at least she thinks so, but what about Neil? We know he’s a soft idiot, but I specifically imagined a bit younger version of him for this story - he had to be, if he was just learning about lockpicking. So the whole “no dating, just sex” could be fine with him for a while, but would he catch feelings anyway? Probably, yeah. And sooner than later.

//And now I'm standing in the rain

And your hair, it's falling in your face

And I know we're doing the right thing//

Not the rain, but shower, kinda works too, right? And I already knew that the rain would be a pretty important factor a little bit further into the story.

//But I can't help wondering, who will take my place?//

Ouch.

//On and off, difficult

Too in love to let it go

Now, who's gonna hold me like you do?//

The emotions in this bit, dear lord. It’s this high that takes your breath away, sweeps you off your feet, scorches the reality, and leaves no survivors.

That being said, I don’t think they are really in love at this point. They really care for each other, though, that’s where the softness comes from.

//Hmm who's gonna hold you like I do?//

I literally gasped when I heard that last line. Hits right in the heart, just as I like it.

Rhys Lewis - Waking up without you

There’s something in this song that makes it incredibly sexy. It was great for the morning after vibe, where they don’t really have enough of each other yet.

//Skin on skin

We didn't finish what we started

Heart to heart

I'm missing your love//

Keir - Probably

The way it flows? How powerful the chorus is? It’s heavy, hot, and just makes my heart beat faster.

//Colliding were the walls

And I forget where I began

I wish I could remember love//

Holy fuck. It always makes me think of something awakening deep inside R, definitely not ready to be acknowledged at that moment in the story.

//Probably underneath

There's a remedy

Possibly in the air

In the oxygen I breathe

Probably//

And this part is just mind-blowing. There’s this longing there, and if that feeling isn’t perfect for something more steamy, then I don’t know what is.

Dermot Kennedy - Glory

This one just… expands my heart? I don’t know how else to explain it. Especially the chorus. And then when I think of it in the context of the story, I somehow place it in TP’s office, when Neil gets all protective and doesn’t want to risk taking Reader on a mission where something can so easily go wrong, only because he isn’t prepared enough.

//A set of eyes had pinned him

Became his version of a kingdom

She's everything the devil can't be

When she's singing to me "Glory"//

Maybe that’s when he starts to realize that he cares more than he thought.

Rhys Lewis - Living in The City

If the previous song was Neil’s perspective, we’re back to R. Just look at the lyrics:

//I've been living in the city too long

I've been given everything that I've got

Been a sinner and a saint

Crazy, and sane

I've been living in the city too long//

We’re kinda circling back to part 1, that need to skip town, right?

//There's a part of my soul that wants to let go

Wants to just run away

But the rest of my soul says I should stay

I should stay//

And now we’re back when she can say that the mission is not her problem, she did the best she could, and TP can go fuck himself. Is it just that she feels responsible for her student? Or she likes him enough so she has to make sure he succeeds and comes back? Or she sees a friend in need, something to open, and doesn’t think twice about it?

Chapter 4: Bastille - World gone mad

God, do I love this song.

//So this is where we are

It's not where we had wanted to be

If half the world's gone mad

The other half just don't care, you see

You don't want to fuck with us

British to the very last

When it feels like the world's gone mad

And there's nothing you can do about it

No there's nothing you can do about it//

It felt so accurate for the part when R gets to see all that inverted reality? There’s a slight heaviness of heart there, and it matches the mood when she feels overwhelmed. On the other hand, there’s a bit of hope, the feeling of not being alone in this mad world, and that’s all that matters.

Who’s Molly - Touch the sky

Badass. Pure and simple. It hypes you up, brings a smile to your face, makes you believe everything is possible.

//We can never see beyond that horizon.

And no one knows this road and where it's going to lead.

But there's one thing, one thing that's for certain.

We'll make it through.

If you were here with me.//

That softer bit with inverted guns. And later on, throughout the chapter. They both find comfort in each other’s presence on the mission, after all.

//I wasted so much time trying to find a meaning.

I never looked up, couldn't seem to turn around.

And then you crashed in, and you gave my life a reason.

You pick me up, so high and my feet won't touch the ground, no no no.

Never would have thought I could win this battle.

I was left for dead, every hope in tatters.

We're going to set the world alight tonight.

Cause we can touch the sky!//

That’s the excitement and fun they’re having on the training grounds, not at all stressed about what’s to come.

//Close your eyes, free your soul.

You feel it, don't try it, then you’ll never know.//

Ah, and we’re here at my favourite reference to feeling something, thank you Mr Nolan, sir, so useful.😌

Dermot Kennedy - Young & free

Another one by Dermot Kennedy, and definitely not the last.

//All that she said to me stays with me, never to die

Held me brand new in the silence that went through the pines

Like I said already darling, I don't want you looking back at all the ghosts left behind

Know you'll stay near me so road remains hopeful this time

We were young

We were free, come on now, let it go//

The little whiplash in the mud, where they share a short moment, before they follow with the crackheadery, maybe partly to push back from coming close to something more meaningful. Because it’s there already, kindling, waiting to be spotted and recognized.

James Gillespie - Don’t let me get me

Okay, so - the original song by P!nk was always something that resonated with me, so when Spotify recommended that one, I was like “okay, I’m not sure why but let’s try it.” And then it brought me to that scene in the container.

//I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me

I'm my own worst enemy

It's bad when you annoy yourself

So irritating//

To be honest, I didn’t plan on R to have such a strong case of a mean brain. It was supposed to be a lighter series 🙃. But as you already know, those characters have minds of their own, and it kinda sorta happened. I knew it would be more of a simple panic than full-blown panic attacks that haunted StuckIn!R, topped with pretty loud intrusive thoughts causing her to spiral, especially when she was exhausted.

Ruelle - Oh my my

Listen to that one and tell me you don’t want to go on a sneaky mission, I dare you. I even had it noted as my title song, but then I switched to Bastille.

//I can feel it in my bones, in my bones

Hear it rumble like a drum, like a drum

Like a vapor in the wind, in the wind

You never see us creeping in, creeping in

Oh my my, oh my my

You never stood a chance

...

Ready or not, here we come//

The vibe is just amazing. The low-key hype? Is that a thing? It must be. And those drums! Even quite fitting for a patter of rain, one might argue.

Speaking of rain--

Chapter 5: Dermot Kennedy - After rain

The title alone is perfect for this chapter, but the rest of it - my poor heart. This chapter and the finale have some of the most beautiful and/or heart-wrenching songs I’ve ever heard, and this one is definitely one of them.

//But it's alright because

You cause lanterns to light

And force demons disperse

And if Lucifer may fear the swift drying of tears

Then, for evil, you could not be worse

But I see you now, yeah, I see you

And release me now, kinda like dreams do

And I see you now, was hard to see you

Just don't forget to sing

Remember everything//

So we have Neil storming off from the bathroom because he’s clearly going through something. The immense guilt brewing inside him, overflowing and backfiring, when he can’t cope with seeing her so battered, knowing that she may never fully recover, and just because he hesitated out there. The fear is there, but also other feelings he tries to keep in check now.

I had that image of R asking him to stay, then just breaking down in the darkness. I was aware it would only add to the issues Neil already had, but it would be nothing compared to the fact that she needs him, and he’d be ready to push everything that bothered him away to comfort her.

Humming a lullaby that he promised her in the container. And R recognized it (kind of), because he used parts of it to plead with her to stay with him after the fall, so she could one day hear the whole thing, because she took that rain check and she needed to cash it in, right?

...yeah, I like breaking my own heart, why? (should I write that part one day?)

//If you think just maybe it's her

Then promise me, young man, you're gonna let her know

You won't go lonely, yeah

It'll all be better in the morning

'Cause while you sleep, I'll build a wall//

Aquillo - Six feet over ground

Whenever I hear this song now, my mind goes to that scene in the bathroom.

//Today's the day I found myself alright

When I look ahead, pretend it never came.

I found a way to keep my head above

But the hardest part is to say 'No it's not'

Well I'm okay, and I'm still breathing

I'm still six feet over ground

But you don't need to know now

You don't need to know how I'm doing//

They both hide how they really feel. That they are not okay. They’re both scared, blaming themselves. Reader doesn’t want to worry Neil too much, but she also tries to convince herself that she is fine. And a moment of peace they share shatters as soon as she downplays what happened aloud, and when Neil goes off, she hides behind yet another joke, and then behind a blindfold.

Aquilo - Silhouette

The one for when R tells Neil goodnight and then can’t fall asleep. //Devil's on your shoulder

Strangers in your head

As if you don't remember

As if you can forget

It's only been a moment

It's only been a lifetime

But tonight you're a stranger

Some silhouette //

When he comes to check in on her, and something feels off. She’s lost, yet finds enough strength to ask him to stay.

//Just hold me//

Nathan Ball - Drifting

//I can see in your eyes

When you lie awake at night

You convince yourself you're fine, it's alright

To keep on drifting

With the drugs keeping you high

They catch you falling from the sky

I keep asking myself why

You stand by

And keep on drifting

…

So tell me what you hold inside

Tell the backstreets of your mind

You're still lonely as a child

Teary eyed

Kept on drifting//

Knowing our Reader a bit longer by now, I knew what would happen if she was to be left alone with her thoughts, in pain, and with Neil being weirdly distant.

Have you ever lied in bed, crying silently, trying not to wake up the person next to you but getting absolutely torn apart by the sadness roaring inside you? It’s a different kind of loneliness, not helping in the slightest when you’re biting back sobs. Anyway,--

//So take my hand and hold on

Take my hand don't let go//

That’s something that happened almost organically with these two. Part of their language, hand touches as a sign of support.

I gotta admit, I watched Shadow and Bone already being in the middle of writing the series and seeing how overused the hand-holding flashback was... it there made me slightly cringe every time it came up in the story I was writing later on. On the other hand (hah), it was so them. It had to stay.

Dean Lewis - Need you now - Acoustic

//Cold light wakes me in the morning,

Your side is empty I was calling out to you,

I was calling out to you.//

That’s the next day after R’s breakdown, but check out the next lyrics.

//But I don't need your love,

I just need your

Talking next to me when I wake up, wake up

Talking next to me when I wake up next to you,

When I'm hungover too.

Cause you're the only one who comes when I'm lonely,

You're the only one who comes when I'm lonely for you,

When I'm lonely for you.

All that I need is a sweet escape,

And all that I need is a sweet escape.

...

Cause I don't need your love

But I just need you now

And I don't need your love

I just need you now//

This, y’all, is R, still convinced that it’s not about love, and it’s so perfectly put into words, but the music and the vocals are dripping with longing, making it even more spot-on for the occasion.

RHODES - Breathe

The emotions captured in this… holy shit. They clench my chest and make me struggle for breath. This could have been a song playing in the background when R wakes up from a nap to Neil having a breakdown of his own.

//Mind break in two,

There's a light in the sky, there's a light

And it's all for you

Dawn colors all

Tell me how do you feel?

Tell me how do you need to heal?//

Looking for his hand, only to find a clenched fist. And when she realizes he’s been crying and she hears how broken he is, that’s enough to make her heart shatter, doubly so because he’s agonizing over something she feels responsible for.

//Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I'll keep you warm

Come on!

Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I need your love

Come on now!//

To me, every “come on”, repeated with urgency, is how desperate she is to make him stop spiraling down when she kisses him, and then again, more purposefully, until he gives in and comes back to her.

Circa Waves - Fire that burns - Acoustic

The one for ✨the moment✨.

//Comfort me, oh comfort me

I'm lighting up

To see the day you run for me

You run for me, my love//

Because they both seek comfort in the act, two broken people mending whole in each other’s embrace. Ultimately, finding there something more, whether they are ready to acknowledge it or not.

//But I've been tied up

For days

And I've been thinking of the things that you say

And I've been wound up

Each way

I need to let you know, to let you know today//

Neil already knows how important she is to him. And that’s what he tries to say between the choked-out words, that he thought he’d lost his chance to tell her how much she means to him.

//You call me a liar

You call me so innocent

But you lit the fire

You lit the fire that burns

The fire that burns inside us

I'm not innocent

I lit the fire, the fire, the fire

I lit the fire//

Oh yes, that bit definitely seeped into the chapter.

The XCERTS - Feels like falling in love - alternative version

//Keep yourself safe, keep yourself safe she said

You broke your own heart but there's no need to lose your head

Keep yourself sane, keep yourself sane he said

You gotta give up, give up, give up the dark

To start again//

You can see it, right?

Outlining the whole story, I knew that part 5 would be the part when they fall in love, or realize that they already might be.

//And it feels like falling in, falling in love

Yeah it feels like falling in, falling in, falling in love

Could save me tonight//

The 1975 - Fallingforyou

//According to your heart

My place is not deliberate

Feeling of your arms

I don't want to be your friend, I want to kiss your neck

Don't you see me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

And don't you need me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

On this night, and in this light

I think I'm falling (I think I'm falling), I'm falling for you

And maybe you, change your mind//

They’re so vulnerable there. Everything Neil pours into the act sweeps R off her feet and she opens up and to let him feel the extent of how much she cares for him, unaware that it might be shifting into something from the territory she promised herself not to venture into. Because that’s not important then. Nothing else is. Just them. So simple.

Adam French - Weightless

The light and softness in this song remind me of another Weightless I used for the finale of the Smoke series.

That’s the moment after. Softness. Closeness. Bliss.

//I told ya that you were the only weight on my shoulders

You see you're gonna make it alright

How you're gonna make it alright

When you're gonna make it alright, alright, alright

You say your body will

Hold me in the night

...

Only you can make me weightless

...

Closer is all I ever wanted to be

There for ya so you can be confiding in me

There to break the fall

Here for everybody to see

Weightless after all//

Chapter 6: Declan J Donovan - Perfectly imperfect

I had the moment they fall in love. I knew how it was gonna end, the conversation with Mahir and how it goes from there. I thought that we need some calm before the storm that was bound to happen, and what’s better than a little domestic fluff? A time when they can see each other in a different setting, get to know one another even better. Fall even harder.

And my god, this song.

//You live like you're a secret

One that only I could know

'Cause I said

You know what I want and

I know who you are

I know when I hold you and love you

You'll get up and go before you fall apart//

...that last line hits different when you know what’s gonna happen later, right?

//I'll bring you every colour that I find

In your eyes

You wake me up

And it breaks my heart

That you're perfectly imperfect

You're hurting but you're worth it

You don't know why

I would waste my time

But I'm falling and I mean it

I want you like I need it

There's nothing you could try to change my mind

'Cause I'm in love

So call me when you want me and I'll come running

Find me waiting at your door

So tell me if you're lonely and it won't last long

'Cause I'm in love with you (you)//

That light when the song gets to the part about being in love -- there’s so much tenderness there, and it resonated with the story so much. And the perfectly imperfect line, so so good.

Bastille - Survivin’

The way the song swings and the hopeful vibe is just what I needed for this chapter.

//And I'm not gonna lie

Say I've been alright

'Cause it feels like I've been living upside down

What can I say? I'm survivin'

Crawling out these sheets to see another day

What can I say? I'm survivin'

And I'm gonna be fine

I'm gonna be fine

I think I'll be fine//

As much as Reader didn’t want Neil to be there with her for so long, she really enjoys his company, making the boring and still rather painful recovery period easier.

Ella Henderson, Tom Grennan - Let’s go home together - stripped

Ha, this one! The humour when they tease other words always brings a smile to my face. That playfulness just fits our duo’s dynamic so well.

//Maybe you'll like me the way I am//

Crazy concept, right? And with Neil learning to spot the times when she hides behind a joke, and still being there--

//Feels like I know you so well

You could be everything that I've been missing

I'm coming out of my shell

And I never do that

How did you do that?

It's like I've known you my whole life//

That’s exactly how she feels like. She intently doesn’t think about it though, because if she starts overthinking it… we know what happens. She’s allowing herself to be in the moment, however. And happy.

//You seem like someone I could be myself with, no defenses

Maybe you like me the way I am//

That brings me to all Neil’s animated rants, and how much he appreciates that she always listens. He feels accepted, and I don’t know, it melts my heart a little.

//Baby, I'm in love//

🙃

INXS - Need you tonight

I know I used a cover of this song for another playlist, but the vibe was so different, and you just have to bear with me. It’s one of those songs that sparks the ideas and images, and usually, they involve Neil being a tease and having way too much fun. And as I was plotting the chapter, I thought of R missing out on his shenanigans, and how he could make her see what he was doing, and 😳 oh my. I knew the imagination would run wild. (That definitely might have something to do with a certain scene from a certain movie and a conversation I had with M about how Neil would handle it)

//So slide over here and give me a moment

Your moves are so raw, I've got to let you know

I've got to let you know

You're one of my kind

I need you tonight

'Cause I'm not sleepin'

There's somethin' about you, girl

That makes me sweat//

That’s one sexy song, don’t judge me.

Dermot Kennedy - Days like this

Oh, would you look at that, it’s Dermot again! This one is for that scene on the balcony.

That quiet contentment, like everything fell in its place and life is alright.

//When it's not always raining, there'll be days like this

When there's no one complaining, there'll be days like this

When everything falls into place, like the flick of a switch

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this

When you don't need to worry, there'll be days like this

When no one's in a hurry, there'll be days like this

When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this//

They’re in the moment, comfortable in the relationship that blooms between them. More casual and laid-back throughout the day only to get more soft and intimate in the evenings, when the inner demons’ voices grow louder.

James Bay - Chew on my heart - acoustic

The way the chorus explodes? It makes me beam widely and my heart is about to burst.

//Take your time

I'll be right here

I know no one could ever love me better

Take all night

You're the truth that

Is breaking me and keeping me together

Together

I wanna be in your touch

Sleep is so tough

You're burning up my mind

What would it feel like if you tore me apart?

Come on chew on my heart

...

I'm on fire

I'm a hot mess

I'm thinking things that I might start regretting

So hear me out

I need you now

I'm spiraling

I'm sinking down

Look for me I'm sending up a message

A message//

I think it weirdly fits those times at night when Neil checks the bruises. When their minds wander to that first evening, and they still feel bad about how it ended up, the closeness brings them back to the present and grounds them.

Picture This - Unconditional

This one just makes my heart sing.

//This magic, I don't know what it is but we have it

Even when we're sleepless and damaged

I don't doubt it

We're holding on//

That’s exactly it.

//Baby I wish we could take this feeling

And put it away somewhere safe

'Til we need it

Unconditional

I'm so afraid of losing your love//

They don’t need big words. But they feel it, all right. Whether they are aware of it or not. And they are afraid of losing each other, now that they know how easily that could happen.

//Shivers running down my back with your fingers

The smell of your perfume it lingers

And whispers

What I want you to say

Under your skin, underdressed under covers

We bring out the best in each other

Two lovers finding our way//

The kiss, the touch, the skin on skin contact - some of the most powerful reminders that, for now, they’re safe.

BANNERS - Start a riot

But it’s not always about going all the way, because sometimes you just need to be held. And this song just speaks to me of all that tenderness, all the feelings clenching the heart so much they’re unable to say a word, just want to keep each other as close as they can. Just to make sure they’re really there.

//I will march down an empty street like a ship into the storm

No surrender, no retreat

I will tear down every wall

Just to keep you warm

Just to bring you home

I will burn this city down for a diamond in the dust

I will keep you safe and sound when there's no one left to trust

Will you take my hand?

We can make our stand

If your world falls apart

I'd start a riot

If night falls in your heart

I'd light the fire

In the dark, when you sound the alarm

We'll find each other's arms

For your love, all you are

I'd start a riot//

The lyrics are so beautiful, and there’s so much longing there, and the promise to protect each other, to be there for each other, to face whatever life might throw their way together.

Yeah, it makes me emotional, I absolutely love it. Speaking of emotional--

Chapter 7: Stone Sour - Wicked game - acoustic, live

When Spotify recommended this one to me, I almost skipped it. I’ve heard it a million times in different versions and I thought that there’s nothing to be found there. Oh, was I wrong.

I knew what was going to happen in the chapter - Mahir is about to confront R, surprised by what he sees. And he can clearly recognize that they’re idiots in love, even if they’re trying to lay low in the company. He knows what happened to R, why she’s so cautious and reluctant when it comes to any relationships that are more than simple hookups.

//The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

And I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you//

Because that’s how it started, right? With desire. One could argue that our duo had solid banter before that, respect and understanding, all those things, sure. But ultimately, that was all that sexual tension, sparked by the playful teasing, that pushed them into each other’s arms in the first place.

//No, I don't want to fall in love

With you, with you

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you//

And when Reader finally lets the thought in and it dawns on her that she is, in fact, in love - she goes into full panic. Not because she feels it’s unrequited, god, she’s not stupid, nor blind (too soon?). But she’s mad at herself that she allowed this to happen. She’s afraid that she’ll get hurt, and to avoid that, she has to run away. And that’s gonna hurt Neil as well, and she can’t stand that, hates herself for that, but she’s so scared that she can’t think of any other solution.

Before we get to that, however, there’s a bit more softness to be shared.

Lewis Watson - Little light

//And all this shade is, illuminating

And all those love lines, are taking shape

And all my worries, disintegrating

And I've been waiting, I've been waiting

And all my days were young and wasted

When I was waiting, oh for you

And all the plans that I've been chasing are always fading

But ever since I found you

A little light is breaking through//

Gotta admit, I had this one hidden in the playlists of other chapters, because it captures that feeling when your chest is filled with light and you’re simply happy. It ended up here, because it’s this feeling when R is melting a little inside when she looks at Neil, when she’s in his arms. And how Neil feels, too.

X Ambassadors - Renegades

Funny, I had this song for both times the team appears in the story. There’s this sense of camaraderie to it that I wanted to capture, when you’re with a bunch of people who are like family to you. You can tease them all you want, but at the same time you’d go into battle with them, knowing that you can count on them to have your six.

//Long live the pioneers

Rebels and mutineers

Go forth and have no fear

Come close and lend an ear

…

All hail the underdogs

All hail the new kids

All hail the outlaws

Spielbergs and Kubricks

It's our time to make a move

It's our time to make amends

It's our time to break the rules

Let's begin//

I wanted R to have a taste of that. To let her know that she’s appreciated for helping with the mission. To get to know them all better, and to make amends with TP, of sorts.

I didn’t want to make his motivation clear. He wouldn’t tell her that he knows how the story ends. That he can’t help that, deep down, irrationally, he made her responsible for it. Even if she’s not the one to blame. (And I don’t believe he let’s that happen, in the end, because that’s too much angst, even for me - again, fuck you, Mr Nolan, sir)

Corey Taylor, Dave Grohl, Rick Nielsen, Scott Reeder - From can to can’t

Christ almighty, this one is so raw! The emotional progression in here just blows my mind.

//Under the water

It's cold and it's grey

My torrid autumn

Another season decays

Open up the Hollow

And my walls come down

I tell you it's a problem

Just when no one's around

But then

I know what's wrong

God, you complicated everything

I know you're gone, gone, gone

This is where I will draw my line

I will draw my line//

To me, it’s the scene with R having a breakdown in the bathroom, and then somehow finding the solution. She has a plan, and enough strength and determination to pull through, at least for a moment.

Chapter 8: Dan Owen - Hideaway

I found this song by accident, and I almost screamed at how perfect it is for the finale (and then screamed for the second time when my dearest friend @connie-nikas casually sent me this exact song one day saying that it sounds like something I’d enjoy). The intensity just tears your heart out and makes you struggle to draw a breath, there’s something desperate to it, and I knew that it would be my go-to song for the part where R sleeps with Neil, trying one last time to drown all the pain and sorrow in his closeness.

I could just paste all the lyrics, to be honest, because that’s exactly what’s happening in the scene.

//It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head

And it's a slow cry out

When you've got so many tears you could die

And it's a long time to wait

When you take all my tears away//

Oh, she’s on the verge of tears, all right. Knowing quite well that as soon as Neil picks on them, he’s gonna stop to make sure she’s okay. That once he starts asking questions, she’s gonna fall into pieces, unable to lie to him.

//My body is colder

Time is frozen

All these feelings have poisoned my soul

And in silence no I can't stand it

Please break these chains and hell I can

Hideaway//

She’s scared that if she’s left alone with her thoughts, they will break her and make her stay. What she fears most (besides that she’s gonna end up betrayed, alone and heartbroken) is how Neil’s gonna react to her actions. The last thing she wants is to hurt him. She just hopes that maybe if she leaves now, it’s not gonna be as painful as it would be if she stayed a bit longer. That maybe he’s not fallen in too deep.

//You're my one way out

And my tears won't save me now

Save me now

I can't stand it

All this loneliness I feel

I can't do this alone

I need someone to remind my feelings

That I've fallen down by the door

It's a long way down and my tears won't save me now

It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head//

Macy Gray - I try

One of the first songs that came to my mind when I was composing the playlist for the series. It may be a tad too upbeat for my liking, hah, but parts of the lyrics are spot on, and it had to be there.

//I try to say goodbye and I choke (Yeah)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near

Goodbye and I choke (Yeah!)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near//

It makes me think of the time when they’re in the car. She’s going over the plan, kinda skipping the moment she’d have to say goodbye to Neil. That’s the unbearable part. And when he asks an innocent question and touches her, she crumbles and jokes. Partly to distract him from prodding further, but mostly to distract herself. I didn’t plan on them getting all worked up there, it...happened, but I figured it made for a decent ground for what was about to go down in the hotel room.

Belle Mt. - Hollow - acoustic

//She told me she was hollow

That's far from what I see//

That feeling you get when everything is too much and it leaves you hollow because you can’t take it anymore. A safety mechanism of sorts. It kicks in with Reader, and of course, Neil can sense that something is off. He hopes it’s just her being tired, he knows how she feels after spending too much time with people.

//I told her she was special

She almost let me in

But she couldn't bear the thought of digging up the heart that she's been burying//

We already know it. The thing is - Neil doesn’t. They haven’t really talked about it. Well, they did after the first night, but with all the things that happened later… and with how much affection she shows him? He doesn’t have a reason to suspect something this big.

//Lonely is her favourite

If only I could change it

If I could only save her

But sometimes she's lost, sometimes she's broken

Sometimes she's closed, sometimes she's open

Sometimes she's stone-cold, times she's on fire

Mostly she's everything I desire

Lonely is her favourite place to be//

Galleaux - Tether me

I had it on repeat when I was writing that part when R collapses in Neil’s arms when they’re in bed. Did I mention that I didn’t want Reader to be this emotional in the first part of the chapter? I thought she’d be more distant. Numb, even, here and there slipping up but holding it together until the very end. And then she does that. But it was Neil’s reaction that left me all 🥺. Not only me, apparently, because she let out so much there. I think my heart broke a little when she gave me that make love to me/love me/ never let me go part.

//In this space, do I belong?

It's dark out here in my own thoughts

Pull me back, out of my body

I'm tied to my limbs

They're spinning me out of control

Tether me//

And the way the music builds up only to blow up at 3:11, heavens, and those vocals! It just takes my breath away, fits so well there.

Nothing But Thieves - Lover, please stay

There can’t be a series playlist without Nothing But Thieves! And it’s another song Chels sent me. The way it broke me-- bloody hell. It’s that gentle guitar, it’s the raw emotions in the vocals, and those lyrics! It rips my heart out, in the best way possible.

It’s for that part where Neil falls asleep and R breaks down, fully realizing what she is about to do.

//Lover, I know you're weary

Eyes are tired from the night

Lover, come to the kitchen floor

Tiles are cold, so am I//

You bet your ass she’s having flashbacks to those moments on the cold tiles, but in her bathroom.

//Lover, I feel your sorrow pouring out of your skin

And I don't wanna be alone

If I am tonight, I'll always be//

Lonely might be her favourite place to be, but losing Neil by her own decision hurts more than she thought possible.

//So take from me what you want, what you need

Take from me whatever you want, whatever you need

But lover, please stay with me, oh//

You know what’s the worst, though? As if that scene was not heartbreaking enough, my brain decided to remind me how much it parallels part 7 from Stuck in reverse. Yep. ✨Pain.✨

Foo Fighters - Home

When she walks to her apartment. Crying. Broken. Missing him already.

//Wish I were with you

But I couldn't stay

Every direction

Leads me away

Pray for tomorrow

But for today

All I want is to be home//

About to leave for good.

This is the bit that prompted the final conversation. What even is home to her? Living the way she does, it never was something important. I struggled with that idea, I thought it’s too sweet. But Neil, the stubborn ass that he is, didn’t want to give me anything else, so it stayed - and in the end, I’m happy that it did.

BANKS - Someone new

Okay, this one is perfect with its sadness and longing, but it’s a hit and miss when it comes to lyrics. Take a look -

//I can love you desperately

Though your love ain't guaranteed

Oh, I wish you knew the deal

Gotta learn from far away

And I simply needed space

Space for me to be

And I think you need it too

Though I know you call me selfish for assuming

I did this for you too//

This, this, all of this! You see it, right?

//Everything I do, I'm gonna think of you

Don't know what else to do//

Well, one could argue that they could just talk it through without all the drama, but hey, where’s the fun in that? And running away really seems like the best option to R.

//And please don't fall in love with someone new

I promise one day I'll come back for you//

And here it’s off because I don’t think she plans on going back. So she wouldn’t want him to not fall in love with someone else, because why would she? He deserves to be happy.

//Oh, you say you hate me now and you burn me with your words

Calling me a fool

Saying that I've fucked up everything

And you'll never forgive me//

See, I have a few options for what to do when Neil finds her at the riverside. I knew one thing though - it would never be a full-blown argument and accusations. At first (and when I say first I mean before I actually started writing chapter 1, because I already had the last scene plotted out by then), I thought Neil would be calm, with a kind of “I know you love me too, silly, so what on earth are you doing?” vibe to him, to R’s annoyance. Then, the story became heavier, and I knew Neil would be worried. Lost. Confused. But never to the point of losing his temper, not after that one time in the bathroom. And that’s what happens in that scene. He doesn’t know what to do as he tries to make some sense out of it all.

Agnes Obel - Riverside

//Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep

And I don't know why I go the way

Down by the riverside//

As I mentioned, I knew what I wanted for the final confrontation from the start. That’s why I tried to make that river quite important for both of them, weaving it into the story here and there. That’s why they instinctively go there.

Billy Raffoul - Dark four door

There’s this sad acceptance in this song that just breaks my heart. It makes me think about the moment when Neil wakes up and sees that she’s gone. How he doesn’t know what’s going on, and how his mind slowly connects all the things that felt strange, but he’s unwilling to accept it until he checks Reader’s place. And much it costs him to keep it together when he sees that the bag is gone.

//You got up, you felt you should

I keep trying to myself I would've done the same had I could

I never thought that you would//

Chris Cornell - Before we disappear

Whenever I hear this song, I think of Neil standing there with Reader, hurt, trying to understand what went wrong.

//So how hard can it be to share your life with me?

How hard can it be to rise with me each morning?//

Dermot Kennedy - A closeness

The last one by Dermot. If that isn’t their conversation--

//Keeping her bright eyes focused on the coastline, waiting for you

Isn't she all of us pining for that last kiss

A permanent truth, a means to get through//

Why does she stay up for so long in their spot? Does she subconsciously count on him to show up? Unable to let go, once and for all?

//Deep into the night, eyes closing

Heart swollen with my loving for you

A solid embrace, kind face

And then the hurt starts leaving the room, followed by goons

Sometimes it's open wide and lights the road at night

You've got a heart like the moon

Gather courage, if you're doing something, do it

'Cause she got to go soon//

And when Neil sees her, he wants nothing more than to hug her, he’s so relieved. But then she snaps at him, and he can’t believe that she’d actually think that he planted a bug on her to track her. It’s another wound he didn’t expect, but he waits for her to explain her actions before he lets out how much it all affected him.

Ryan McMullan - Outcry

I was close to making this one a title song for the chapter because as Hideaway sounds like it was written for the time they make love, this one is for the time Neil asks why she left.

//You came a long way to see me

So don't you run off, baby stop pretending that you're fine

What's the point that you're making

Tell me what it is that's going 'round inside your mind

If in doubt, don't fake it

I have known you long enough to know that you can't lie

If you're in love don't be ashamed of it

'Cause even angels fall for demons//

God, of course he saw that she wasn’t alright that night, but she seemed so sure about what she needed that moment that he decided not to push her - they had all the time in the world, he could ask her about it in the morning, right?

And Neil knows when she’s hiding behind jokes. That’s why he doesn’t want to play her game when she deflects what he says about the way she was in bed. He wants her to be honest. Especially since he knows what he saw in her eyes, in her actions, when they were together, and he’s sure it all must have meant something to her.

//I've heard stories, but they're jaded

So give me something more

I only know what I've been told

But I can tell that you're frustrated

And I won't ever pry, I'll only be a hand to hold

If you tell me you're hurting

I'm hurting too, yeah

Don't tell me you're fine - unless you're fine

I'll wait for the outcry

Whenever there is something weighing on your mind//

And Neil knows he can’t pressure her, that’s why he just stands with her and waits. Sweeping his mind over and over again for anything that could have prompted this whole mess.

//If you feel like leaving

Then maybe it's for the best

Or if you feel like you've given in

Oh, give yourself a chance

If you feel like crying

Oh please don't hold it in

If you feel like reaching out oh

Let me in//

His heart is aching when he hears her reason why she feels like she has to leave. That’s when he touches her. To pull her back from her head to something real. To remind her that nothing has changed. That he’s there, and not going to let her go that easily. That he loves her, because he needs her to hear it, so she knows for sure. And when she tears up, there’s only one desperate plea in his mind.

Gavin James - Hard to do

One heavy hitter after another, and this is another killer. The longing in Gavin’s voice clenches your chest and you just want to hide in somebody’s arms.

//Oh, I've been thinking that I don't wanna leave

This house isn't home to me

I'm tired of losing everyone I see

Now that you're here, it's a hard thing to do

Trying to hold on//

Does she really want to leave? She feels she has to, but god, if only she knew for sure her heart is safe, she would stay with him forever. The problem with life is - you can never be so sure. And when Neil shows up… it takes everything, even unreasonable anger, to keep her together.

//Maybe I don't believe that I don't wanna run

But two hearts are better than one

You say you'll stick around but I'll be gone

Oh, I'll be gone

It's a hard thing to do, trying to hold on//

Reader knows that it’s gonna be nearly impossible to walk away now. And she’s afraid.

//Oh, but I need you

Far more than I ever want you

It's such an unnatural thing we do

When falling in love's just so hard to do

Hard to do//

She can’t bring herself to look at him after she tells him what’s going on with her. But when Neil touches her and takes her hand, she can’t keep it inside anymore. Then he tells her that he loves her, and everything floods her at once. Fear. Guilt. Love. All that combined with his simple plea is enough to finally make her give in.

Damien Rice - I don’t want to change you

I had it on repeat since the moment Neil touched her. The softness of what happens there, melting the barriers once and for all.

//Wherever you are

You know that I adore you

No matter how far

Well, I can go before you

And if ever you need someone

Well, not that you need helping

But if ever you want someone

Know that I am willing//

He’s there for her. Always has been, always will be.

//Oh, and I don't want to change you

I don't want to change you

I don't want to change your mind//

Here. I think that’s what is really important about them and their relationship.

//I've never been with anyone

In the way I've been with you

But if love is not for fun

Then it's doomed

'Cause water races

Water races down the waterfalls//

Lucy Spraggan - Run

Ha, this kinda feels like an end-credits song, don’t you think?

//I just to run to the end of the world

Just to see if it's possible

I don't care what I've been told

I want to run to the end of the world

I'm going to run,run,run

Bye bye problems

Run 'til the road hits the sea

You better run,run,run

If you want to be free//

Granted, she didn’t run off without Neil, but found a way to run with him instead. There’s that heart-bursting light and freedom in this song, I think it captures that happiness they found, working it all out in the end.

//I wanna feel invincible

One more mile out of principle

I want to see the whole damn world

One cross road can change it all//

Travelling the world. Doing what they like most. Together.

------

Quite a journey that was.

Thank you all for taking it with me.

#long nights #long nights playlist #bts long nights

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btssavedmylifeblr · 4 years

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Hi bee, i hope you're doing wellI just wanna ask for some tips bc I can't seem to do the "show don't tell" thing when writing. I have no idea why, it's weirdly difficult. Any websites or good examples about it? I'm kinda disappointed in myself. Thank u for being so kind! Much love to you

Ah yes, the classic advice that everyone says but is very hard to actually define. As a beginning writer, I always found this especially confusing because all writing is “telling” in the sense that you are telling a story. You only have words. It’s also a very hard thing to find clear examples of because “telling” might only be a sentence or two but good “showing” might take a whole scene, a whole chapter or a whole novel to do right. It’s something that takes practice and, unlike rules of grammar, can’t be fixed overnight.

I don’t always get it right (and “right” gets pretty subjective with this topic), but as an exercise, let’s compare the first scene I ever wrote to the opening scene of Void.

Excerpt One: Opening Scene of If You’re Struggling

(Disclaimer: I am so embarrassed by this cringey-ness. There is a reason I deleted it from Tumblr. Please don’t judge me too harshly. Writing is a learning process)

To illustrate the point (and because Tumblr’s formatting options suck) I’ve put a strikethrough on all the parts I would consider “telling” instead of “showing”.

“Have a great first day, honey!” Your boyfriend gives you a quick kiss as you grab your coffee and head out the door for your first day at your new job. You’ve been eagerly awaiting this day for several weeks now, since your successful interview with BigHit Entertainment. Up until now, you’ve been working as a makeup artist on a spec basis here in Seoul, but this is going to be your first full-time job as a makeup artist and stylist.

At the BigHit offices, you are welcomed in by the head stylist whom you met at your interview and she shows you around the offices.

“Ok, we need to get to the dressing room” she says, clapping her hands. “The boys are recording their dance practice today, and we need to do their makeup beforehand.”

Your heart beats a little faster when you realize you’re about to meet BTS. A month ago you had never heard of them, but since getting this job two weeks ago, you’ve been a bit obsessed - listening to their music non-stop as you do housework, watching all of their music videos over and over, seeking out all of their Bangtan bombs and television appearances. When your boyfriend caught you watching the “Boy in Luv” video for about the 30th time on your laptop, he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and kissed your cheek.

“Do I need to be worried about you spending so much time with these boys?” He teased.

You turned your head and kissed him reassuringly on the lips. “No!” you giggled in mock offense “look at them, they’re just kids!”

You enter the dressing room and are pointed to a makeup chair in front of a mirror. You set about cleaning up your station and setting up your kit before the boys arrive. You hear the boys coming before you see them - shouting and laughing down the hallway before they get to the door. You are still setting up your station when the door clangs open and they burst into the room.

You turn around to find a tall, older blond boy already sitting in your chair. He gives you a smile and shakes your hand. “Hi. I’m Namjoon. You must be the new stylist.” He introduces himself as the leader and offers to help you get to know the other members. “Watch out for the younger ones, they like to play jokes on each other and everyone else.”

After Namjoon, you meet Jin. He is polite and spends most of his time in the chair filling you in on his recommendations for the other members “Be sure you get underneath Yoongi’s eyes, he was up late last night”, “Don’t go too dark on Jungkook’s lip color”, and so on. When you’re finished, he smiles gratefully at you and stands up to go.

Hoseok comes running over and throws his arm around Jin’s shoulders. “Jin’s make-up is easy since he’s so handsome already, right noona?” he teases Jin.

“Yes, precisely.” Jin replies, not embarrassed at all, but gives you a smile before heading off to hair.

Hoseok is the easiest to talk to out of all of the boys. He peppers you with questions as you do his makeup, all about where you’re from and where you’ve worked before. Before you know it, you’ve told him all about your life, including how you moved from South Korea to the US when you were six for your dad’s work and moved back when you were sixteen. “Oh wow!” He says excitedly. “We can all practice our English with you!”

While you are talking, a loud commotion comes from the back of the room as Jimin and Taehyung are playing Rock, Paper, Scissors and shouting about something.

“What’s going on?” You ask Hoseok and he smiles, a little embarrassed.

“They’re having a disagreement about who gets to sit in your chair next…” He replies. You just blush and look away.

While the younger boys are distracted with their battle, Yoongi plops down into your chair. He introduces himself with a nod and puts in headphones. About halfway through applying his makeup, you realize that he has fallen asleep. You look over at Namjoon, “What do I do now? Should I wake him up?” You ask.

Namjoon just chuckles, “You can keep going, he’ll just sleep through it.” When you’re finished, you gently wake him back up and point him in the direction of the hairstylist. He grumbles appreciatively and stumbles off.

Jimin has apparently won the game and comes rushing over to fill the vacant chair. “Hi. I’m Jimin.” He flashes you a devilish grin, then adds “You know… you are a lot younger and cuter than our last stylist…”

You’re a bit flustered, but Namjoon saves you. “Jimin, you can’t talk to our stylist like that!” He smacks Jimin gently upside the head and suddenly Jimin is just an adorable kid again.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry” he says and you get to work on his makeup.

Taehyung watches you doing Jimin’s makeup, making goofy faces in the mirror when your back is turned, trying to get Jimin to laugh and mess up all your hard work. He slides in when Jimin is done. He spends most of his time in the chair shouting across the room to Jimin, who is now having his hair done. You keep having to gently remind him to sit still.

The maknae is last. “Hi, I’m Jungkook.” He quietly introduces himself. He is really shy and barely says anything else to you as you do his makeup, but you can tell he is trying really hard to stay perfectly still, despite several attempts from the older members to distract him.

Once all of the boys are ready, their manager comes and rounds them up and you hear them running back down the hall to the dance studio laughing and joking. You breathe a sigh of relief and can’t fight back the smile that spreads across your face.

The first few weeks of working at BigHit are fantastic. The boys continue to warm up to you as you get to know them better. Namjoon loves talking with you in English, especially really quickly so his bandmates can’t follow what he’s saying. Of course, you can’t always follow what he’s saying either, but he is so thoughtful and full of ideas. Yoongi still often falls asleep, but he also now comes in with music recommendations for you and hands you the other ear of his headphones while you do his makeup. Hoseok continues to be your favorite, telling you all about his childhood, the audition and debut process, and filling you in on the latest gossip. Jimin and V continue to cause trouble, but are so adorable when they do that you can never stay mad at them. And Jungkook continues to be quiet and sit perfectly still in the makeup chair. He is so chatty with his bandmates that you are a little sad he isn’t more comfortable with you, but it does make his makeup easier to do than Taehyung’s.

Thoughts:

So there a lot of things here like it being her first day of work, her being nervous, and the mannerisms of the boys that would have been much better if I had showed them through dialogue, description, and physical mannerisms rather than telling them outright. It would have done a lot better job of placing the reader in the scene and would read as a bit less cringey. The last paragraph in this scene is particular egregious because instead of allowing the reader to see those relationships build over time and really invest us in those characters, I just summarize in one paragraph.

As a result, we get to the end of this scene and we know a lot of facts, but we don’t really have any good sense of who this character is or why we should care about her or empathize with her.

Excerpt Two: Opening Scene of Void

(Disclaimer: This is also not perfect, but it is much improved from the previous)

“Can you see them?”

You blink your eyes as you stare into the microscope, squinting against the bright light. You’ve been staring into this scope for two hours, searching for tiny signs of life.

“Maybe?” you reply. Your colleague leans in closer, close enough to smell his shampoo. Your eyes begin to water as you scour the field of view, checking each fleck of dirt for your prize. But again, you came up empty. “No, I don’t think so.”

You lean back in your chair, closing your eyes and rubbing them to relieve the strain. You didn't get much sleep last night. But you can’t bring yourself to complain to Hoseok.

He groans, standing up and twisting side to side. Your back aches in sympathy from bending over these finicky slides all morning. “We’re going to run out of samples.” The corners of his mouth pull down into a frown.

“We’ll run out of kerosene first,” you mutter. You look back through the lens one last time, hoping you missed something.

“They should have sent us with more.” Your fellow science officer stands up and walks over to chemical storage.

“Yeah, because large amounts of volatile organic liquids are a great thing to have on spacecraft." No one else on this ship would appreciate your joke. It’s not a good joke. But Hoseok humors you and gives you a small chuckle.

“Should we try an acid?” he suggests, as he examines the inside of the storage cabinet.

“Acetic?” He nods and scratches his chest as he fishes out the necessary bottle. He walks the acid back to your lab station and sets it down on the counter next to you.

He sighs and puts his hands on his hips, resuming his twisting back and forth. He clasps his hands together and does a long slow stretch upwards. Your eye catches on the sliver of exposed skin popping into view as his shirt rides up.

His smooth skin stretches across well-defined muscles, distracting your serious scientific mind. You lick your lips as you imagine how warm he would feel under your palm. You stare at the gap between his navel and the top of his pants. Not for the first time, you find yourself wondering what his skin tastes like.

“We should dilute it.” His shirt falls back down, breaking the spell. You look away, shaking your head, embarassed by your own lacivious thoughts. You’re a professional. A highly educated astronaut and scientist. You have a PhD, for god’s sake. Focus on the mission at hand.

“Yeah, we should.” You nod in confimation before standing up to get some glassware. “What concentration?”

As you turn around to reach the water tap, Hoseok moves to reach the tablet behind you. Your small lab is so narrow that you end up colliding with him. You bounce backwards off his body, cradling your beaker of water, headed straight back toward all of your ship’s glassware. You panic. Visions of shattering thousands of dollars of lab supplies fly through your head. But Hoseok catches you before you stumble into the cabinetry. You breathe a sigh of relief when you realize he’s got you in his arms.

“Fuck.” You smile. “Sorry, Hoseok.”

“It’s okay.” He laughs, shaking his head. “My fault.” His hands linger on you as you both chuckle. You feel the heat of his touch seeping through your jumpsuit.

Despite living in such tight quarters, it’s rare that you’re ever this close to him. You try to avoid physical contact with the crew out of self-preservation.

He smells good. Hoseok always smells good. While your ship smells mechanical and sterile, the man holding you smells warm and human. It’s comforting, but in a way that makes you ache with how you long to bury yourself in him.

Your colleague lets go of you and steps backwards, coughing into his shirt sleeve. He picks up the tablet and scrolls through your research materials. The warmth of his hands begins to fade from your shoulders. He finds the correct dilution factor and reads it out to you.

You measure out the appropriate amounts of acid mixing it with water. Hoseok retrieves another fragment of the meteoroid that you’re scouring for microorganisms. When he returns, you cover the sample with the acid, stopper the flask and set it to oscillate for a hour.

“Nothing to do now but wait.” You sit down on your stool and drum on your thighs. The idea of being alone with Hoseok for another hour fills you with nervous energy. It's a relief when he excuses himself to the bathroom.

It didn’t used to be this hard. When you started this mission two years ago, you had no problem being alone with any of your crew members. You were professionals doing a job together, and there wasn’t time or energy for idle sexual tension. But as the mission drags on, you have begun to feel more and more on edge. And it’s not only Hoseok. You are finding it harder and harder to be alone with any of the crew. When you spend all night fantasizing about someone, normal conversation becomes difficult.

You stare at the flask rocking back and forth on the counter and let your mind wander. You replay your previous clumsy moment. You imagine Hoseok catching you in his arms again, but this time you grab him and kiss him. You smell him and taste him and surround yourself in him. You close your eyes and follow the fantasy further. You imagine dropping to your knees and sucking him off up against the glassware cabinet. You imagine the way the lab equipment would clink as he bent you over the lab counter.

Hoseok returns, brandishing his tablet. “I got the new article from Geology on microfossils, if you want to take a look.” You sigh and nod.

Thoughts: So there is definitely some telling happening in this scene too. Telling is not always the worst thing in the world, although I wrote this scene nearly two years ago, so if I could go back and edit some of this out now I would. But what I want to point out here is how much information I convey without ever having to explicitly spell it out: we’re on a spaceship, the OC is a scientist with a crush on her colleague, she is touch-starved, they are searching for fossils, etc. And I think it does a much better job than the previous example at drawing the reader into the scene.

___

In general, here some good pointers for moving more in the showing direction:

1. Focus as much as you can on the present moment. What is your character thinking right now? What are they feeling? What information are they getting from their senses?

2. Use dialogue. Dialogue is a great way to show relationships between characters and fill in backstory without long paragraphs of just “telling” your readers stuff. Just be careful that it sounds like real dialogue and not exposition masquerading as dialogue. No one tells anyone their whole life story the first time they meet them or repeats information that the other person would obviously know.

3. Trust your readers to fill in the gaps. Readers are very good at picking up context clues. You don’t need to spell everything out for them. If you put them in the scene and describe the world around them well, they will figure out lots of things just from context.

Hope that helps! The only real solution is to play around with it and practice and see what you like. Good luck!

#on writing

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rogerina-deacon · 5 years

Note

Could you write hcs of how the boys from Queen would react to your scars? I'm feeling real bad rn and idk.. you don't have to, obviously, but if you do, thanks!

A/N: So I’m not completely sure what type of scars you mean, but given some context clues I’m going to guess self harm scars? If not, let me know and I’ll rewrite this (don’t pay attention to requests being closed for this, if this isn’t what you wanted I’d be more than happy to redo it for you). Also, if anyone reading this is struggling with depression, self-harm, or any unpleasant thoughts along those lines, please seek some form of help and treatment. If you need someone to talk to and relate to, I’m here. I’m not a proper therapist, but I’ve been in therapy for years and am a good listener. But of course, if you can, seek help from a therapist. They can do a much better job than I can.

WARNING: MENTIONS OF SELF HARM

Brian (Three years clean)

When Brian found out you used to harm yourself, it felt like his heart sank into his stomach

His eyes softened and welled as he took your hands in his, moving them to show your inner forearms

“Love, I can’t see them” he noted, squinting to see anything

“It’s been years and they were never that deep, but you can faintly see them if I point them out” You said, and he released your hands as you brought your right index finger to your left wrist and pointed to one

“This was my first, oldest yet most noticeable” You said, pointing out a pale line two inches down from the bottom of your hand

“Holy shit, I can see it… Y/N, love, why did you do this?” He asked, almost pleading as he brushed his calloused thumb over the faded scar, a lone tear escaping his eyes

“Brian, don’t worry about that, it’s all behind me, and I don’t really want to rehash that. I just… figured you should know this part of it, I guess”

“So you don’t want to do this?” He asked, wondering if he needed to be worried about you more than he already was

“No, oh God no! Brian, I’m pretty much over what happened to me. I’ve got coping mechanisms now that work, and my meds control the depression when I do have it. Trust me, babe, I’m fine.” You assured him, making sure he knew that you were doing much better than you were when you created those scars

“Okay, love. But you can talk to me about anything, okay? I am always here for you. Always.” He said, now holding your hands again and lightly shaking them for emphasis

“I know, Bri. Thank you.” You said, nodding your head as it hung, your forehead resting against his

“Any time. I love you.” He said, moving his head to an angle where his lips could reach yours to connect them in a sweet kiss

“I love you too” You replied once he pulled away, and he led you to the couch where you two spent the rest of the day cuddled up together

John (Six months clean, thoughts of relapsing)

When you and John met, it was autumn, so you had an excuse to constantly wear a hoodie

He figured you just got cold easily and never pushed it, and that whenever he tried to take things further and you wouldn’t take it off, he thought you just weren’t ready

And he never brought it up, wanting you to not feel pressured

But months passed, and it was the warmest day yet and there was no way you could survive the day in long sleeves, especially when he had planned a picnic in the park to celebrate the weather

So you figured it was best to tell him that day, and so you invited him inside your flat when he picked you up so you weren’t springing it on him in public

Especially since you were having some thoughts you haven’t had in a while and were planning on asking him for help, and you didn’t exactly want to cry in the park

You were wearing your hoodie, of course, and John was a bit confused, especially since your AC hadn’t been put in yet

“Dear, why are you wearing your hoodie inside?” He said, slightly chuckling as you led him to the couch

“Um, well I don’t normally, but I, uh, I need to tell you something.” You said, and he was concerned right away

“What is it? Have I done something wrong?” He asked, worried he had fucked things up with you

“No, no, John you haven’t done anything wrong. But, um, I did a while ago…” You trailed off, and he seemed confused about this but watched as you peeled off the cotton hoodie, slowly revealing the scars littering your arms

His eyes widened as he stared in disbelief, almost studying them as he looked at the reddened skin, some smooth, others the slightest bit scabbed over as they healed all these months later

“Wait, did you- did you do this to yourself?” He asked, his hand reaching out tentatively, wondering if he could touch them

Nodding, you gave him the okay to brush his fingers along your skin before responding

“Yeah, I um, I was in a really dark place, and this was my way to cope. I haven’t done it in half a year but…”

“But? But what, Y/N?” He asked, noticing the way your eyes seemed distant as you pondered what to say next

“But, um, I’ve been having some thoughts, and I’m kind of scared, John. I feel like I might relapse and I’m scared that I will, that I’ll fuck up six months of progress, that I’ll-” You rambled, but he cut you off, pulling you close into a tight hug, a few tears falling from your eyes and onto John’s t-shirt as he rubbed your back and soothed you

“You won’t. Not with me here to help you. Not with my love and support, not with the love and support of the guys. But if you do, that’s okay. Recovery isn’t perfect. But I will always be here, love, okay?” He said, and you nodded, sniffling a bit as he wiped away the tears from your cheeks

“Now, are you ready for that picnic?” He asked, and you chuckled as you got up with him and made your way to his car, without your hoodie.

Roger (Eight years clean)

“C’mon, love, we’re gonna be late!” He called to you in the bathroom from the bedroom

You were currently sat on the toilet just staring at your arm, squinting as you looked at the just barely present scars

“Love, what’re you doing-” he started, entering the bathroom

“What’s so special about that arm that you have to stare at it while you use the toilet?” He teased, walking closer before crouching next to you

“Oh, nothing, just let me wash my hands and we can go.” You said, rushing to stand up and pull up your underwear

“What’s going on? Why are you acting so strange?’ He asked, moving to stand behind you at the sink, his hands trailing down your arms from your shoulders, trying to gently move your forearms so he could see what was so interesting

“I don’t see anything, love. Have you finally gone mad?” He joked, smiling at you in the mirror

“Rog, don’t joke about that.” You warned, and his face turned into that of a confused puppy

“What’s going on with you?” He asked, and that was the straw that broke the camels back for you

“What’s going on is that I’m not a fan of when people use ableist slurs in their jokes, okay.”

“Ableist… what? Love all I’m saying is I don’t get why you were staring at your arm, no need to-”

“Rog, I have depression. You know this. ‘Mad’ is a term used against people with mental illness. I don’t like when it’s treated lightly.” You explained, though you were still all over the place to him.

“I don’t get how this explains your arm-”

“I used to cut myself, Roger.” You said, face blank and tone cold, your words shocking your fiancee into a state of shock

“Y-you, you what? Why did I never know this?” He asked, stepping towards you

“Because it’s a part of my past I’m not proud of. I did it, but I don’t like that I did it. I’ve been trying to suppress it, but I could still see the scars on my arm so I guess I just froze.” You explained, plopping down onto the bed with a huff

Roger just did the same, laying next to you at the edge with his legs hanging off the edge

“You know I love you, right?” He said, and you just dryly chuckled, taking his hand

“I do, Rog.”

“And you know I’d never intentionally say something to upset you, right?”

“I know, Rog.” You said, squeezing his hand in emphasis

“Wanna spend the night at home?” He suggested, his thumb reassuringly brushing your hand

“What about Freddie’s party? You know he’ll throw a fit next time he sees you if you don’t show tonight.”

“Well screw him, I want to spend the night alone with my girl and he’s just gonna have to deal with him. Besides, it’s been awhile since he’s been mad at me for something besides my drumming, so I guess I’m due for it.” He said, the two of you laughing as he pulled you into his side, your leg throwing itself over his waist to get as close as possible

But he soon adjusted to to lay at the top of the bed and dragged you with him, the two of you not caring to change out of your party clothes and opting to just cuddle and fall asleep like that.

Freddie (platonic) (Struggling to get clean)

Keeping secrets from best friends is always hard, but it’s even harder when your best friend is so good at reading people you’d think he’s a mind reader

He could tell your mood as soon as he saw you, so of course you couldn’t hide your depression

But luckily no matter what you wore he couldn’t see the scars on your upper thighs, all your jeans, dresses and skirts covering them

Until one day he wanted to catch his friends in candid moments with his new camera, and decided he wanted to give you a Marilyn Monroe moment, turning a fan on that made your skirt fly unexpectedly, giving Freddie the perfect view of fresh cuts from the night before

“Darling, where did you get those?” He asked, putting the camera down

“Oh, um, you know how my cats get-”

“Cats aren’t that persistent, dear, nor are their claws that wide. Now, care to tell me the truth?” He asked, sounding like a disappointed mother who just smelled booze on her child’s breath.

“I, um, well-” You started, not sure how to tell him

“I know you did this to yourself, though to be honest I din’t know why.” He said, alleviating some pressure from you

“I guess I just feel like I deserve it…” you said, looking down

“No one deserves that, and you know it. Only the most horrendous people do, like rapists and murderers, and you are neither, my dear.”

“I know, I just-”

“No need to explain, I understand that your depression gets the best of you. But now that I know how shitty it makes you treat yourself I’m gonna keep an eye on you. Every day, you’ll show me your thighs, and I’ll-”

“Fred, that’s not necessary-”

“Y/N, you are cutting yourself, it’s necessary. Why don’t you come live with me? That way I can-”

“I don’t need that, Freddie! I don’t need you hounding me and guilting me into stopping! What I do need, though, is your help and support in getting clean. Can you do that?” You asked, taking his hand

“Of course I can, darling. I just worry, you know. I don’t want to get a call from some hospital and think I didn’t do everything I could.” He said, tears ready to fall from his eyes

“You won’t, Freddie.” You assured, tears ready to fall from your eyes as well

“Now, I think I have another idea for a candid photo of you. Just, stay there.”

“Freddie, don’t-” You said, but it but then he already had the camera up to his face and was adjusting the exposure before taking the picture

The shot he had gotten was of you, sitting on the couch, hand up blocking your face, skirt of your dress pulled up, revealing you scars

“I think I might have an eye for edgy photography, love” He announced before going back to the couch to sit with you, where you just sat and talked for the rest of the day.

If you liked this, check out my masterlist!

PERMANENT TAGLIST: @thewinchesterchronicles @queen-irl-af @deacytits @punkgeekchic @the-holy-black-hole @radiobribri @deaky-deacy-denky @queenbbarnes @brianprobablywill @nyikondlovu @thatswhatiam-lovernotafighter

Send me an ask or a message if you wanna be added to my taglist!

#tw: self harm #tw: depression #brian may headcanon #brian may x reader #john deacon x reader #john deacon headcanon #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor headcanon #freddie mercury x reader #freddie mercury headcanon

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sunshinexlollipops · 5 years

Note

If Arthur and Reader were in a modern day flower shop/tattoo parlor au, Arthur would own the flower shop, don't @ me

So... this happened.

Anon, I wish I could @ you. Because this is a beautiful AU and I’m in love with it! :,)

Here ya go!

—————

Of Botany and Pigment

Tags: AU, Fluff, Gender Neutral Reader

—————

“You know, you should try and take some of your art over there,” John murmurs, picking at one of Arthur’s prized bonsai trees before his hand is flicked away, “The owner there is real nice, skilled too. They’re the only person I trust here in town.”

Arthur sets down his misting bottle and sighs, walking over to his counter and shaking his head, “I ain’t really the type for tattoo parlors.”

“Maybe you ain’t, but you got talent, Arthur,” John comes up to the counter, leaning on it despite the way the other man sighs and sends him a sharp look, “Just entertain the idea at least?”

“I’m a florist, not a tattoo artist,” Arthur huffs as he grabs his broom to sweep for the hundredth time.

“But you’re still an artist! Surely that counts for something?”

“It won’t have me in that place anytime soon. Lord knows I already gotta deal with you spending most of your rent money on those stupid designs of yours that you end up regretting anyways.”

John huffs, not rising to Arthur’s spittle as he looks to the freshly inked orchids on his arm, wrapped and still aching, “Listen. We all got our passions, and our expressions. For you, it’s journals and flowers. For me that is music and tattoos. I could be like Bill and rage quit Fornight any time someone so much as shoots me.”

John quirks a brow as Arthur eyes him pensively.

Arthur pointedly goes back to sweeping, and John sighs out of frustration.

“Listen, I invited the owner to my gig, the one this Friday. They’re a really cool person. I think you’d like them.”

“That’s presumptuous of you...” the older man mutters, regarding his beloved orchids carefully, “I might just not come.”

“You’re the bartender for the night! You don’t come, Hosea and Dutch’ll have your head.”

“You just have to make things hard for me don’t you?” Arthur mutters, emptying his dustpan with a little more force than necessary.

“Yes. Because you won’t challenge yourself. I love you, Arthur. But it’s been a while since you’ve tried to do anything other than this plant work of yours for years now. You never wanna try new things, meet new people,” and softly, he adds, “We’re just worried, is all.”

“Well don’t. Because I’m fine. Just keep your nose out from where it doesn’t belong.”

Waving a hand, John goes to leave, and Arthur glares at the back of his Misfits shirt as he speaks, “See you Friday.”

“Whatever.”

And the bell on the door rings out his departure.

- - -

The bar is noisy, which isn’t a surprise. It’s Friday night, the start to a weekend, and Arthur isn’t taken aback with how many drink orders he tends as more and more people wander to the bar.

There’s quite a few people here for John— local fans who filter in for both good music, drinks, and most of all a good time.

John’s set to come on in a bit, and the crowd is already gathering. Arthur just takes a deep breath, trying to navigate the bar with so many people clambering to him for drinks, ranging from gin on the rocks to mixed drinks that smell like air fresheners.

But finally, when John comes on, hitting the small stage in the back with his guitar, the lights dim, and Arthur gets a chance to relax with the diverted attention.

John starts strumming the opening to one of his songs, and the crowd cheers, whooping and hollering as Arthur moves to the end of the bar to grab himself a drink.

It’s as he throws back a shot of whiskey that a voice catches him off guard.

“Are you sampling the wares, or just having a bad night?”

He stills, head turning as the whiskey burns his throat.

His eyes land on a stranger— you, your smile still bright in the dimness of the bar as John begins to sing in the background.

“You need a drink?”

“No. But apparently you did,” you lean back a little from the bar, your humor never leaving your eyes as you regard him, “You better be careful. Not sure if your bosses would like that.”

“Well, the two men who own this bar raised me, so they’re well aware,” Arthur says, a little curt.

You raise your hands in mock surrender, chuckling, “My apologies for assuming,” your hands fall, and your head tilts— despite all that is going on, your attention is fully focused onto Arthur and where he shifts from behind the bar, “So, old Dutch and Hosea? You’re one of their kids?”

“The first,” Arthur says, losing some of his edge, “One of many wayward sons, and daughters, to meander their way into their lives.”

You smile, but it’s more fond than anything humored, “I couldn’t imagine having that many siblings growing up. Must’ve been a crazy household.”

“Oh, it was, and then some.”

At his joke, you laugh, the sound like the melodic ringing of bells compared to the grit and haze of John’s singing. At the sound coming from you, Arthur’s eyes narrow, and his heart picks up a little in tempo.

“I could imagine! But, seems like you lot still turned out alright!” you gesture towards John onstage, “What about you? Surely bartending isn’t all you do?”

“It ain’t as excitin’ as bein’ a musician,” Arthur mutters, going to wipe the bar with his washcloth.

“Ah, hit me with it. I’d love to know.”

Despite his initial bite, Arthur relents. Sighing as he throws the rag back under the counter.

“Don’t laugh, but... I’m a florist.”

The way you beam has Arthur’s breath catching in his throat.

“Really? No way!”

There is no judgement in your words, and it catches him off guard. Most people tend to either not believe him, or straight up laugh in his face.

All the man can do is look at you and nod his head, words escaping him at the way you seem to glow with your excitement.

“You know, there’s the one local shop I see all the time. They have the most beautiful orchids in the window,” you sigh dreamily, “I keep meaning to go in there but I usually end up getting too busy, or I’m never able to catch them when they’re open.”

His brows pinching, Arthur asks, “Do you know the name of the shop?”

“Ah, it’s... oh, it’s Greenhouse!”

Arthur pales, nearly dropping the shot glass he picked up.

Upon his expression, you tilt your head, “Do you not like them?”

“No, just...” Arthur breathes, “That’s my shop.”

Blinking, your lips split so wide with the grin you garner, “Oh, you work there?”

“I own it.”

Your jaw drops, and the laugh that escapes you is alive with surprise as you gesture between yourself and him, “No way! I work across from you, then!”

Arthur tilts his head, “Where at? There’s not many places there...”

“Oh, well you may know it, considering.”

“Considering?”

“John is my best customer,” you explain.

And without much warning, you shed your jacket, revealing your arms and the immense amount of pigment inked into your flesh.

Arthur feels something in him recoil at first, but then, his eye move up your arms, taking in the inkwork there.

Especially the flowers— ranging from orchids to sweet peas, all in perfect and full blossom as they seemingly grow up your forearms.

“I love flowers, especially orchids,” you tell him, your words warm, “I just have a thumb as black as my outlines. But I’ve found it’s hard to kill a tattoo.”

“You work at Noir Ink?”

Chuckling, you echo him, “I own it.”

Arthur’s jaw is about on the floor, and he swallows thickly.

“John... told me you were coming tonight.”

“And he told me you’d be here,” you huff, “Just didn’t know as the bartender.”

Quizzically, Arthur regards you then, “You came here because of me?”

“Oh, well, not entirely because of you,” you say, blushing, “Like I said, John is one of my best customers! I like his music, and he invited me to come after I kept talking about your shop... I just thought you happened to be a fan. Not his brother! Not that I wouldn’t have come if you weren’t! Oh, I’m talking in circles... but, guess this is fate, right?”

Looking to John on stage, Arthur grimaces when he finds that he is already regarding you both with a shit-eating grin.

“If you can call it that...”

“Well, I am glad I came. For the music and all, but if anything, the drinks,” you smile at Arthur again, stepping away from the bar, “But I have an appointment early in the morning tomorrow... And who knows— I might just go see your orchids in person finally, come then.”

Feeling something stir within him, Arthur faintly nods, “Yeah... and maybe... maybe I’ll come check your shop out too.”

The way you grin back has his heart about stuttering.

“I’d like that.”

You wave to him, walking away and disappearing into the mass of people that crowd the bar.

And at your departure, Arthur lets out a breath, his mind swimming as he settles back against the counter, thinking of orchids and the budding feeling he has in chest.

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captainkippen · 5 years

Text

SEND ME FIC PROMPTS

Cyrus and TJ's relationship can be described as ‘almost-something-not-quite-there-yet” and has been at that stage for a rather frustrating six months. He's not sure why it's taking them so long to do about it, but Cyrus is certain that TJ must have also acknowledged the tension between them because there have been a few near misses so far where he's thought 'this is iT, he's going to tell me how it feels’ only for TJ to break off what he was saying and turn it into some unrelated ramble. Thanks to this, it's becoming more and more common for him to feel like he's about to tear his hair out when the two of them spend time together. He doesn't want to push TJ to do or say anything he's not ready to do or say, but Cyrus figures it's time to take matters into his own hands or they might actually be stuck at this glacial pace of romance for the next fifty years. He doesn't think he can take fifty years of longing looks and heartfelt texts that lead to nothing. He'll go insane.

The opportunity to make a move arises when Bex and Bowie finally settle on the date of their wedding. At first there's a little hesitation, the engagement has been called off and called back on more than once now and they're all starting to wonder if they'll actually ever do it, but when it's only about a month away Cyrus figures they're finally safe from any drama and starts concocting a plan.

“I need to book dance lessons,” he says offhandedly when they're all lazing around Buffy's house one day. He's sprawled dramatically across one of the couches with his feet up on TJ's lap and a bowl of popcorn on his chest. It's a movie day but the horror flick they're watching is so terrible that nobody's been paying attention for the last forty five minutes. “For the wedding. There's going to be waltzing, right? I don't know how to waltz. Andi, do you know where Bowie's getting his?”

Andi eyes him suspiciously. She's well aware that Cyrus knows how to waltz. He had taught her to waltz when they were twelve. His mom had made him have lessons as a kid. Cyrus is fantastic at waltzing, even if he does say so himself. However, TJ doesn't know that. He gives her a look that says 'play along I'm begging you've and she sighs.

“At the dance studio on second street, I think,” she says. He's so blessed to have such good friends. “Bex knows one of the girls that runs it so she's giving him a discount.”

“You don't know how to waltz?” TJ asks curiously, perfectly on cue. “Don't you do dance for your P.E classes?”

Cyrus shrugs. “It's not ballroom.”

The thing is, he's concocted the perfect plan. TJ doesn't know Cyrus knows how to waltz, but Cyrus knows that TJ does. TJ had surprised them all with this knowledge a few weeks ago at a school dance. Jonah wanted to impress a girl he liked, TJ offered to show him how to dance and everyone got their happily ever after. Except Cyrus. TJ had not waltzed with Cyrus. He's still a little bitter about it.

“I could teach you,” he offers. “Save you the money.”

“Really?” Cyrus says, grinning. “Awesome. Yeah, that would be great thanks.”

Cyrus mentally marks phase one of mission ‘get TJ to admit his feelings’ a success.

TJ comes over on Saturday. Cyrus’ mom and stepdad have gone out to some barbeque with friends and won't be back until later so he's taking advantage of an empty house as much as he can. He makes sure to run to the store in the morning to grab some of TJ's favourite chips and soda (Baja blast Mountain Dew because what else do you expect from a teenage boy), and does a rush job at tidying up even though TJ has definitely seen the house in a much worse state than it is. He's been over during family events - he knows how wild they get. There's an odd nervous sensation thrumming in Cyrus’ veins. He has no reason to be on edge. It's just TJ. He tells himself this over and over, trying to calm down, but still jumps when he heard the front door opening and TJ yelling a greeting through the house. He's been letting himself in since they were fourteen now. It's a standard.

“I'm down here,” he yells back. They're going to be practicing in the basement so he's moved the ping-pong table out the way and set up the stereo so it's ready to go. TJ's socked feet thud down the stairs and he beams at him when he comes into view. He pulls Cyrus into a sideways hug and quickly releases him, making a beeline for the Mountain Dew. Cyrus rolls his eyes - typical.

“So how do you wanna do this?”

Cyrus shrugs. “You're the teacher.”

“You got music?”

He hands him to remote to the stereo. TJ fiddled with it for a moment before switching it on to a rhythmic rock beat with a grin. He puts it down, shrugs off his hoodie and walks towards Cyrus.

“You ready?” He pulls Cyrus towards him, positioning them both carefully.

“We're really just jumping into it, then?”

“Of course. I'm gonna lead and I'm gonna explain the steps as we go, okay? Try not to step on my feet.”

Cyrus does step on his feet, several times, quite deliberately. Each time it sets them both off in a bout of giggling and they have to pause for a moment. The afternoon continues in much the same vein, Cyrus pretending to be terrible and making TJ laugh and feeling like his whole world is complete everytime he catches TJ smiling softly at him. His heart thumps when their faces get close together and he hopes and prays that his palms aren't too sweaty where they're clasped in TJ's. It feels right, the two of them together like this.

There's a moment, when they're coming to the end of a song and slowing down where Cyrus thinks this might be it. TJ might say something. They're looking into one another's eyes, the world around them faded slightly, and he's holding his breath waiting for him to say anything. Then TJ coughs, ducks his head and pulls away, announcing they should take a break and get some lunch, and Cyrus kind of wants to scream in frustration. This plan is going to take longer than he expected.

As it turns out, the plans takes much longer than he expected. TJ gives him three more dance lessons before the wedding and nothing comes of them. It's the most irritated Cyrus has ever been with him, which he realises isn't technically fair because TJ isn't a mind reader and can't possibly know Cyrus is losing his grip on reality as a result of all these pent up emotions between them, but he can't help it.

The evening of the wedding is a beautiful one. It's being held in a large white tent in the park which is lit up with beautiful handmade lamps dotted around artfully, illuminating the flowers and chairs that have been set up for the ceremony. In the dark outside, fireflies flicker in and out of existence. The stars above them are almost unusually bright. It seems like there's a certain amount of magic in the air.

Cyrus may or may not cry during the vows. He and TJ sit together, knees pressed up against one another like always, the edges of their hands touching ever so gently stop them. He thinks he might have heard a sniffle or two from TJ as well, but he doesn't comment. TJ is sensitive about those kinds of things. Bex and Bowie are so obviously in love, they both nearly sob during their vows, and for a moment Cyrus envies them with everything he has. He wants that one day. To love somebody so much it consumes him, but it makes him happier and a better person in the process. He thinks about the boy sat next to him and how it feels like he's pretty close to that already.

In typical Mack fashion, they throw a stellar party for the reception. There's a live swing band and a lot of loud laughter. Champagne flows freely and a disco ball that he suspects was Andi's idea glitters above the makeshift dance floor. Cyrus watches in amusement as the guests get drinker, the dancing gets worse and the jokes get dirtier. Everyone's having such a good time. When the first waltz comes on, he catches TJ's eyes across the room.

It seems like time stops as he walks towards him. TJ meets him in the middle with a wide smile and pulls them both on to the dance floor, taking Cyrus’ hand and placing his own on his waist. Cyrus forgets all about pretending to be terrible but TJ doesn't seem surprised in the slightest.

“I knew you were faking,” he laughs.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Cyrus says, but he can't hold back his own smile. “... How'd you figure it out?”

He rolls his eyes. “I know you better than anyone, Cy. You're my best friend. You think I don't know you can dance? Your mom's shown me the pictures of your ballroom classes before. I'm not totally stupid.”

Cyrus prevents himself from saying 'that's debatable’ but it's a close call. TJ seems to read his mind and laughs anyway.

“I don't get why you needed to pretend, though,” he says. “You don't need to come up with excuses to hang out with me. You could tell me we're going to go sit in a field in silence for four hours and I'd still come because you'd be there.”

Cyrus sighs. “I know… it's just. I don't know. It's stupid, never mind.”

“No, what is it? Tell me.”

“I think…” he takes a deep breath. “You say you're my best friend, and that's true, but I also think you're more than that. And you have been for a really long time.”

TJ just keeps looking at him, saying nothing. Cyrus continues.

“Maybe it's just me that feels that way… but I don't think it is. I was hoping maybe if we got some one on one time doing something romantic maybe… maybe you'd say something?”.

“You pretended you couldn't dance because you wanted me to admit I have feelings for you?”

“Yes.”

“Well, obviously I do. Even Jonah knows that. Why didn't you just ask?”

Cyrus gapes at him. He can't believe it was that easy. TJ hadn't even hesitated to admit it. “... I didn't think of that.”

“You know, for the smartest guy I've ever met, you're kind of dumb,” TJ says with a fond look. “You could've told me how you felt too.”

“Oh… hush,” Cyrus says. “Stop smirking it's not funny.”

“It's pretty funny,” TJ grins. Cyrus pushes himself up on to his tiptoes to reach him, and just to wipe the amused smile from his face he presses a gentle kiss to his lips.

TJ makes him want to tear his hair out sometimes, but it's in the best way possible.

#tyrus #cyrus goodman #tj kippen #andi mack #my writing

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

Text

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Hey Nancy: how's all the prep going? Rio: Oh my God Rio: it feels good to talk to someone over the age of 12, put it that way Rio: its getting there but I might not 🤪🥴😵 Nancy: same cos Buster's acting like a 5 year old rn Nancy: I wish I was there helping Rio: Travelling brings out the worst in 'em Rio: if I have to see an airport with mine this year, too soon 😬❌ Rio: we could use your 👀 Rio: I'm sure there will still be shit to do when you all get here Nancy: Did your dad convince your mum about a honeymoon though? Nancy: Asking cos I wanna steal you away for a while Nancy: When I get there I'm gonna have so many 📷 to set up and take but I'll definitely make time for any finishing touches there are Rio: 😘😘😘 Rio: s'more convincing nan and granddad that your parents and the rest will help out controlling the masses whilst they're off 🎔☽ Rio: a reason we can NEVER find a babysitter 🙄 Nancy: Oh come on! If my mum gets involved they'll be perfect 😇s Rio: 😂 Rio: I'd be happy to test the theory Rio: going to be so good to see you again! Nancy: Me too if it'd get her off my back 🙄 Nancy: I've missed you so much! Rio: Uh-oh, what's the latest crusade with her? Rio: Girl, same! So much catching up Nancy: Who can keep track? This week it's something about how I spend too much time in my room Nancy: Like doesn't she realise I don't sleep in a cell? I have everything I need Rio: Right? Rio: At least we're past grounding, was such a laughable punishment when its not the 50s or something, please Nancy: malted milkshakes and jukeboxes yes, the rest of the 50s, no Rio: But you'd look so fetching in a circle skirt 😉 Rio: what are you wearing though Rio: I've been so busy making sure the kids are actually clothed that I'm not remotely ready, ugh Nancy: Also less likely to be hatecrimed when it's just gals being pals 😉 Nancy: [a pic of her outfit cos we don't have one yet gang] Nancy: oh my god if you're not joking dad better start speeding! You really need my help ASAP Rio: Don't rub it in, or I'll be at the back of the bus heckling you Rio: me and all MY #sistas Rio: 😍 you look so good, I'll ignore your white feminism if you tell him to step on it Nancy: 😳 x 10000 like Nancy: But I'll demand it Rio: 🧡 Rio: Its a mood, catch me stealthing down the aisle at the back, please, steal the show, kids Nancy: 💚 Nancy: Honestly I feel nervous & I don't have to do the walk/nobody's gonna be looking at me Rio: Awh, don't be Rio: Honestly, everything is so extra, no one will know where to look Rio: you know them Nancy: I was safe to assume that Junie isn't answering me cos he's 😳 x 10000000 then, yeah? Rio: No doubt Rio: I can't even find him to tell him to reply Rio: if I spot him Nancy: It's fine I'll see him soon anyway Rio: God bless him Nancy: I need out of this car now & away from all of them Rio: I can feel the tension from here, babe Nancy: If he spends another sec on speaker talking to his friends about last night's party I will have to throw his phone out of the window Rio: Eww Rio: your brother is 1000% gonna be THAT businessman on the train that wants everyone to hear his convo Nancy: I know Rio: then pops a few blood vessels when someone tells him otherwise Rio: you poor thing, forreal Nancy: He got into a fight at the party over some girl 🙄 But of course the other lad was the only one hurt Nancy: How am I related to this idiot? Rio: How have your parents not turned the car around or at least threatened to Nancy: He doesn't wanna come which means he is, no matter what Nancy: Even if he was 🤕 Rio: Also do you live in Chelsea or a bad American teen drama Rio: the dramatics 😂 Nancy: Right? But it's me getting lectured by my mother regularly Nancy: your favouritism is showing again Rio: We all like you better, don't worry babe Nancy: thanks Nancy: if your parents wanna adopt me, now is good Rio: What's one more is pratically the family motto so why not Rio: you'll have to miss all the WILD parties and the even wilder bants Rio: reckon you'll survive? Nancy: just about Rio: Be honest Rio: if I go to town right now, what are the odds of the kids staying semi-presentable? Nancy: It'd be single figures Nancy: like 5% maybe Rio: Yeah Rio: but even less chance of me getting something wearable if I ask my boy to bring something with him, right? Nancy: Unless he's very fashion forward Nancy: You could tell him to go to ours and raid my wardrobe? Rio: Such a humblebrag, Nancy McKenna 😏 Nancy: If you don't want my advice or designer labels, don't ask, like Rio: 😂 Rio: how is it possible I have nothing suitable in my whole ass wardrobe Nancy: This family has had a surprisingly few weddings in our lifetime Nancy: & there's no chance of you re-purposing what you wore to my parents' big day all those years ago so Nancy: I'll make a detour and pick something up for you Nancy: if you trust me Rio: The amount of sin is truly unholy Rio: my grandma be 😠 at all these heathens Rio: and that feels like forever ago Rio: dread to think what I was rocking but at least I was cute Nancy: So 😢 I couldn't bring a date to meet your grandma she sounds lovely Nancy: [finds a pic of the baze wedding like] Nancy: you were the cutest! Look! Rio: Love the sinner, hate the sin, sweetie 😘 Rio: Oh lord Nancy: Says you but what happened to ME? Nancy: I'm like a different person rn and it's not a glow up Rio: Shh, you look beautiful, are you kidding Nancy: I look like my parents are into medieval torture & put me on a rack Nancy: not cute Rio: Oh 'cos being tall is so unappealing Rio: all those leggy supermodels, YUCK Nancy: 😂 Rio: Anyone saying different is obviously jealous Nancy: How very teen drama Nancy: the girl who hates me really loves me 💋 Rio: better start loudly talking about that Rio: your 'rents will be so proud Nancy: They aren't likely to hear me over Buster's dramatic playlist 🎶 Rio: Now you're just making shit up 😂 Nancy: [records him as proof hey boy hey looking like a moody fuckboy snack over there no doubt] Rio: He really did just look at the window like a music video, huh Rio: also praying you make it here unmurdered now, girl 🙏🤞 Nancy: He wouldn't dare start a fight with us in our finery 👗👠 mum & dad would kill him Nancy: or I could with the 👠 Rio: Gotta stay favourite, yeah Nancy: definitely Rio: catch me being no ones 'cos I'm not coming Rio: see you tomorrow, like 👋 Nancy: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo Nancy: you have to Nancy: don't leave me with my evil twin Rio: 😩 but Rio: so over this before its begun Nancy: please Ri Nancy: I'll make it fun somehow Rio: There's no escape anyhow Rio: so many people here already just 👀 @ me Rio: I'm not putting on a fucking poofy dress I'm sorry Nancy: you don't have to Nancy: bridesmaid but keep it fashion Rio: I tried on some actual bridesmaid dresses but I felt so stupid Rio: why is it all floor-length and fucking Rio: the excess material Rio: I don't wanna drown in tulle, I'm not 5 Nancy: gross Nancy: I promise to never get married first of all Nancy: second of all I'm gonna make sure you look 🔥 today so Rio: 🧡🧡🧡 Rio: I've got to start on the drinks now though, sorry Nancy: show me what's in your wardrobe & I'll try & remember what's in mine Rio: I love you but you remember what I said about floor-length? Nancy: okay okay just yours then Nancy: come on, I can do this Rio: [does] Rio: but honestly, fuck it Nancy: there's so much I could make work Nancy: & no reason for us both to hate our outfits Rio: I won't hate it, I'll just be hated Rio: mainly by my grandma 💁 Nancy: as soon as Buster arrives his attitude will pull focus Nancy: plenty to keep your grandma busy in this car Rio: He'd never be that nice to me Rio: even unintentionally Nancy: I will then Nancy: thinking of a scene to cause as we speak Rio: 😏 Rio: such a shame there'll be no hot girls there you aren't related to 💔 Nancy: if only hitchhikers were still a thing Rio: So predatory for a 13 year old Rio: flip that script honey Nancy: it's the lesbian way Nancy: ask every girl at my school Rio: Ugh, turning their backs in the changing room is it? Rio: like half of 'em have got anything to hide, people are ridiculous Nancy: Yeah Rio: Its more than that then Nancy: It's not a story for today Rio: Later Rio: when you've caught up Nancy: when I've taken my make up off maybe Nancy: it took a really long time Rio: it looks 🔥 Nancy: it's not too much, right? You'd tell me Rio: Of course Rio: but it so isn't, its great Nancy: thanks Nancy: a benefit of doing it in February, our faces won't melt off & I'm not sunburnt Rio: They've thought of you at least Rio: love that Nancy: I'll try & remember to thank them too, like Rio: Thank whichever God made you gay too Rio: boys are such dicks Nancy: I got stuck with a brother so I'd still suffer Nancy: probably won't 🙏 Rio: Well you can ignore him Rio: sure you both prefer it that way Nancy: You can ignore any boys you want Nancy: or don't want Rio: Nah Rio: not when I'm this hard to ignore yeah Nancy: all the more reason Nancy: when you look like you look you can take your pick Rio: I already have, that's what I'm saying Nancy: & they're still dicks? Rio: He is Nancy: So dump him Nancy: there must be some boys in existence who aren't Rio: Eh Rio: None as cute Nancy: Gross Rio: Shut up 🙄 Nancy: if you wanna talk about boys you've come to the wrong place Rio: excuse me Rio: you've literally talked about your hitchhiker fantasy so you can deal with it Nancy: I don't have a fantasy I was trying to think of a diversion to horrify your grandma Rio: Sure Nancy: It's a shame Buster would never swap outfits with me Nancy: a move like that really would pull focus from what you're wearing Rio: I hate to break it to you but not really Rio: already got so many chicks in suits Rio: you know this is MY parents wedding, not yours Nancy: but how many boys in dresses do you have? Rio: I'll check Rio: my parents have weird friends, babe Rio: and have you met my siblings like Rio: your the normie branch of the fam, no amount of lesbian angst is changing that for you, I'm so sorry Nancy: at least they have friends, mine have co-dependence Nancy: and yeah, I'm trying to get adopted in, remember? Rio: 😍 romantic Rio: we'll swap Rio: I need the break Nancy: you and Buster would kill each other in seconds Nancy: but if you can survive long enough to end him I support it Rio: Duh Nancy: I've heard 'you should see the other guy' enough to be sure it's bullshit Nancy: you can take him Rio: I know Rio: trust me Nancy: he hasn't lost a 🥊 for ages it's way past due Rio: Weddings always end in a scrap Rio: may as well take it for the team honestly Nancy: fights & drunken displays happen whenever this family gets together Nancy: again, take your pick Rio: I'm not drunk but tah for the faith, babe Nancy: it's early still Rio: 😒 Nancy: they are all driving me to drink & I don't even Rio: Slainte Nancy: exactly Rio: Fuck it, I'm going town Nancy: do you have time? Rio: Sure Nancy: Then yeah go Rio: ✌ see you when you get here Nancy: I'll find you as soon as we show up Rio: Do Rio: I'll be the bombshell Nancy: I'll be the awkward ginger Nancy: 💚💋 Rio: 🧡💋

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hongjoongslut · 4 years

Text

Happy Birthday

idolboyfriend!yunho × genderneutral!reader

warnings: some slight smut mention at the end, just Christmas and boyfriend!yunho being the SWEETEST.

word count: 2.5k

enjoy!!!

December. one of your favorite months. not only because of the chilly weather, you also get to spend more time with your lovely boyfriend Yunho. He would always go out for your Christmas gifts. Last year he made a cheesy treasure hunt that led to a beautiful necklace with his initial on it. Aside from his cheesy manner, he loves to decorate.

"Babyyyyy~" you were awoken by a familiar angelic voice. "come on y/n, we gotta decorate the tree!!" you groan. "can you at least wait until 10? its 8:30 in the morning." yunho laughed and jumped on the bed, forcing you to wake up completely. "Yunho i'm going to kill you after Christmas passes." he smiled and kissed your head. "At least you'll wait so you won't be on the naughty list this year, although some of the things you've done would show you're naughty" you slap him with a pillow while laughing. "no talk of that until I wake up and get out of bed."

You finally got up and dressed yourself. Wearing one of his hoodies and some sleep shorts, you walked into your living room. Something chocolatey tingles your nose.

"See, I told you it'd be worth it to start decorating early in the day. I made us hot chocolate! I even got marshmallows in there just for you." you smile and give him a kiss on his cheek. "h-how come it wasn't my lips??" you giggle at his pout. "maybe because I want to wait until we have the mistletoe up." He hurriedly set down his drink and practically jumped over to the decorations box. He shuffled through bells and ornaments, trying to find it. "Found it!!!" he ran back over to you and held it above you. "Yunho that's not what I meant." he pouts again. "well you didn't clarify so now you have to kiss me!" you just sigh and finally give him what he wanted. You heard him throw the mistletoe, holding your face with both hands. He pulled away, leaving you both begging for air. “Now, can we start on the tree?”

Hours of decorating and getting distracted later, the tree was finished. It was almost perfect. “Where’s the angel for the top of the tree?” Yunho just looked at you and smiled. “The only angel in the house would be too big for this tree.” you scoff and smile at his line. “Seriously baby, we can’t have a complete tree without a topper.” He stood for a second before rushing to your shared bedroom. “We can put Mr. Snuggy up there!” You saw the first stuffed animal he ever gave you clutched in his arms. You smile lightly and nod in agreement. Yunho effortlessly put the teddy bear on top of the tree, well, close enough to the top.

“It’s so pretty baby.” you hug his side and stare into the millions of shining lights. “I know it was late putting the tree up, but I knew ATEEZ would be busy for December.” Yunho smiles and nods. “Putting up the tree right on Christmas Eve was very late, but it’s okay.” you were about to kiss him when he smiled and sang “cause all I want for Christmas, is you!!!” you just smiled and went to go get ready for bed.

It was 10:00 AM. You stirred until you didn’t feel Yunho by your side. You were about to call his name when he opened the door. “Good morning darling. Merry Christmas.” you smile, barely opening your eyes. He picked you up and carried you to the living room. It was filled with sweet aromas. Hot Chocolate, Gingerbread Candles,and Cinnamon filled your senses. You had a strict tradition for Christmas. You can give each other 2 gifts. One is a gag gift and the other is the real one. “Open this one baby, you’ll love it” Yunho hands you a medium size box. You eagerly opened it to find a fake flower with a note. “I will love you until the flower is no more.” you smiled and kissed his cheek. “I knew you were cheesy but that was actually very cute. Here’s yours.” he grabbed a red bag and shuffled through the tissue paper. You had made a box that had a bunch of “coupons” that he could use. “Are these the coupons that give me free kisses and hugs whenever I want? You nodded. “Yes! I needed these.” Before you tried to give his other gift, he stopped you. “Baby, your other present kinda correlates with your birthday, is that okay? Of course you’ll get other gifts that day but this is a half christmas/birthday gift.” You nodded and reached for your gift. It was a very tiny box. Two concert tickets sat in front of you. They were blank on the side you were seeing. You flipped them over and saw Monsta X written on them. You immediately tackled him and started sobbing. “Baby, this must have cost a fortune! You didn’t have to spend this much on me!!" Yunho shook his head. "remember I told you Shownu and I were close in training days." you sat speechless. "when is it baby??" "look at the tickets y/n…" it read February 18th [or use your own, I used mine since it was close?]. "On my birthday!!! Yunho, this is the best present I've ever had, besides waking up to you everyday." you hug him tightly. "Your other gift is in this bag, I saw it and immediately thought of you." He opened the bag to see a hoodie with a picture of you two with the heart filters on snapchat on the front. "i-if you don't like it, that's okay ill just wear-"

he stopped you with a passionate kiss. you could feel him smiling through each kiss. "baby, I fucking love it!!! Why would you think I wouldn't wear it. If I never got dirty, I'd wear it everywhere all day. People can see how cute and squishy you are. The picture you chose makes your cheeks looks so cute!! That was our first picture together." He took off his shirt and put the hoodie on. "not to mention it's so soft inside! thank you baby, i love it." you spent the rest of the day snuggling on the couch watching Christmas movies. This was one of the best Christmas memories you will have.

*major time skip!*

you could not stop dancing and singing the lyrics to every song Yunho played. He decided it would be fitting to jam to Monsta X since you were on the road to the center. "Baby..I just realized that I don't know what center they're performing at, you never told me and it looks like it wasn't on the tickets either." he turned down the radio. "because, as another part of your surprise, they're performing at the center we met at." you felt tears tease your eyelids. "Really? Yunho, all of this doesn't seem just coincidental. Are you planning something else behind my back?" you joke with him, knowing he'd never hurt you in any way. "I promise y/n, I haven't planned anything. All I did was get us very close seats to the concert. Pinky promise." he extended his finger to meet yours. Little did you know, his other fingers were crossed.

It was about 10 minutes before the show started. you could not hide your excitement. "Hey baby, I'll be right back, I have to go use the restroom. I promise I'll be back in time." he kissed you and ran off. You haven't got a text from him or anything. You were seriously worried. All of your thoughts paused when the lights went off. 6 familiar men rose from under the stage. Everyone was on their feet, screaming their voices out. You were no different from everyone else.

"What's up everyone!!" Jooheon yelled, making the crowd go wilder. "Alright guys, we wanted to make this concert special since we have not had a concert in so long. I think you'll love the surprise" Shownu smiled and was trying very hard to not spoil the surprises. You heard the stage platform raise again, only to see Wonho. "We got our bunny back! Let's give him some extra love!" Changkyun could barely finish the sentence before running over to hug him, along with the rest of the men. You couldn't hear anything but screams. "Hi guys!!! Thank you all for the support, it seriously helped me" you started feeling tears in your eyes. You suddenly remembered Yunho was still missing. "This is not the only surprise we have planned, Monbebe. Since it's the first concert with our bunny back, we thought we'd have some special guests." Kihyun could barely be heard over the crowd screams. The group asked the crowd to calm down for a moment. The music for "Thanxx" started playing as Ateez ran out from behind the stage. You finally saw Yunho and he looked absolutely gorgeous. He was in his outfit from their music video. "What's up Monbebe??" San smiled as he heard the cheers.

You've heard Inception, Love Killa, Thanxx, and Nobody Else so far. When one group performed, the other was chanting and dancing along with them. "I think it's time for our last surprise. Before we do, I want to say thank you to Monsta X, Monbebe and ATINY for making this possible." Yunho started speaking, making your heart swell. "I have someone that I need to come on stage" he starts walking off the stage, security trying to keep fans away from touching him. Your body lights up with a spotlight. Yunho stands in front of you, offering his hand to you. You took his hand and walked back onto the stage. You almost couldn't walk, your legs felt like jelly. "Everyone, this is my partner Y/n." The crowd clapped and awed. You were trying to hide your face from blushing but Yunho was quick to stop you. "Look, they're shy..give them some applause!" The crowd clapped, screamed, even chanting your name. "Alright guys, I think it's time for the next song. This is a special version of a song that we made." Wonho smiled at you, making you fangirl inside.

You heard the beginning notes of "She's The One" but it wasn't Shownu singing, or any of the other members. It was Yunho. He was staring at you as he started to sing the beginning.

"They're the one, got me all messed up. I could write a million songs, but I know it's not enough.They're so beautiful and I know they know it. They know how to think, yeah they always owns it."

The group sang the lines he skipped. You felt tears streaming down your face. You wanted to stop them but you were too mesmerized.

"Think about their face every time I wake up. At night I wanna ask about how their day was. They make my knees feel weak They make my drink feel stronger, Can't eat, can't sleep, can't dream Can't wait any longer, any longer now"

The breakdown came. The crowd, Monsta X and ATEEZ were singing. Yunho was looking at you, smiling and tearing up. He let Monsta and ATEEZ sing the rest of the song while he held you and danced with you. The crowd started clapping before you could process what just happened. "Everyone, I need to say something to Y/n." It fell silent.

"I know I lied to you about this whole concert thing, but I had to. Y/n, I love you more than anything in life. I don't care who knows I do. I love showing you off. I love everything you hate about yourself. I want to spend my life with you. I want to grow old and try to dance like we did in our younger ages. I want a house and a pet with you. We either have kids or pets. I will leave that up to you. Overall Y/n, you are just perfect for me." he sat on one knee and asked the infamous question "will you marry me?"

You stood shocked. You couldn't hear the crowd. You were just focused on what just happened.

"Yunho...yes, yes I will marry you!" he slid the ring on and hugged you tightly. You were so happy, you could barely stand. He helped you back to your seat and all the boys continued their concert.

It was another hour before they all said goodbye to the crowd. Yunho grabbed you and took you backstage. You were welcomed with applause and yells. The staff were very kind to you and congratulated you. "Yunho, you seriously need to teach me how to charm" Shownu laughed, along with everyone else. "I know I just got proposed to, but can we talk about what the hell just happened? San, Jongho, Mingi, Joongie, Yeosang, Wooyoung and Seonghwa, you sneaky little bastards." they all laughed. "It was very hard to not spoil this. You know I am the hardest to keep a surprise. Remember your two year anniversary party?" San could never keep a secret. He told you there was a surprise party then immediately ran away. "Regardless of that, you actually kept this one in, I'm proud." Mingi joked around. "Okay, so holy shit hi Monsta x. I've been a fan for years. I joined when-" Wonho decided to interrupt. "Yunho already told us all about your history with us. Thank you for the support. We all appreciate it." You all talked until it was time to leave.

"thank you guys again.. this meant the world to me." Yunho smiled and agreed with your statement. You asked a staff member to take a picture with all of the boys. You parted ways, Yunho deciding to drive you home.

"you've had this planned for how long?" you started crying again. "Baby, I've had this planned ever since I met you. But in seriousness, probably a few months. It was hard for all of us to keep it a secret, especially from the fans." All you could do is stare at the ring and smile. "and before you ask, yes I meant every word I said. I did have to exclude some of the things I wanted to say." you turned your head. "well tell me what they were?" "well, I love how you pleasure me..how your lips fit around my cock so well, as if they were made for me..watching the moments your dominant side is showing. I love everything." Even in the dark, he could still see your face turn a crimson red.

You slept all the way home. He carried you into your shared bedroom, stirring you awake. "I didn't want to wake you love, but you need to change into more comfy clothes to sleep in." you loved how caring he is with you. Deciding on wearing his t-shirt and sleep shorts, you plop on the bed, waiting for him to cuddle you. "I love you very much y/n. please never forget that." he kissed your forehead. "sweet dreams, my future spouse."

"goodnight my future husband."

i hope you enjoyed reading this! it was very sweet to me and please if there's any errors or anything, let me know! 💜

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area50dununiverse · 7 years

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J+E prompt: One is in love with the other (which ever) and feels like they can't lose their virginity as there's always that hope that it will be to the other one. The other one badgers them about why all the time and one day they confess, but don't say they have feelings for them just that they want it to be special and the only person they for sure know will love them and keep them safe is the other twin. Other twin starts to get feelings but neither know about the other's feelings

Hello, sweet anon! Sorry, this took so long!! Also, I don’t like how it jumps from present tense to past, but the beginning bit sounded like Edward had died when it was in past tense!! I hope this isn’t as bad as I think it is!! There is a lot I don’t like about this fic but I can’t get it any better so……. Ta-Da!

(FYI, the towel thing that John does was totally my own coping mechanism when I was bullied at school)

John loves Edward. He loves every little thing about him. He loves his eyes and the way they sparkled, lighting up every time he spoke, he loves Edward’s hair and the way it always looked perfect; even first thing in the morning. John loves the way Edward walks, the way he bounces with every step and he loves how kind Edward is.Edward finds it impossible to be mean, and John would sometimes laugh and tell him that he’s too nice, but never telling him how much he loves that about him.

Most of all, John loves his smile. Edward could light up a room with one single smile and John fell hopelessly more in love with him every time he saw it.Next to his smile, John loves his laugh. Edward has a habit to always cover his mouth while he laughs because he thought he looked goofy. He was once told at school that his laugh was stupid, so now Edward would always try to silence it whenever he found something funny. John always wanted to shout at him tell him that he was perfect and he should never feel self-conscious about anything. John loves the moments where Edward finds something so funny, he can’t laugh silently; he just let’s go and bursts out into a fit of giggles.

John loves Edward’s physique. He’s slimmer than John, sleek and defined. John would catch himself watching Edward while he changed, letting his eyes roam over the expanse of milky white skin. Edward never noticed and on the occasions John thought he had, he never said anything. No matter how hard he tried not to, John would always go back to watching him.

There wasn’t one single thing he disliked about Edward and he hated himself for it. John was under no disillusion that feeling this way about your own twin brother was normal but he couldn’t help it.He had tried so hard to deny it to himself, to try to believe that his love for Edward was strictly brotherly but it came to a point where he couldn’t do it any longer; deep down he always knew. So he finally admitted it to himself and carried the secret around like a ball and chain in the years since.

Sometimes, when it all gets too much for John to handle, he locks himself in the bathroom to silently scream into a folded towel.He found this way of coping after Edward had started flirting with who was soon to be his first girlfriend. They had got chatting as John and Edward walked home from school one day and soon John was forgotten about, trailing behind the two of them as they laughed and talked.John was seething by the time they had got home and when they finally got inside, he told Edward he was going for a shower and disappeared.As soon as the door was locked, the tears were streaming down his face, his fists clenched at his sides. John could picture the girl and Edward going on a date, holding hands, kissing and he couldn’t take it. He grabbed the towel and pressed it against his face, his cries silent.

Edward and the girl had ended up going out for a while, and John would have to watch them on daily biases. Edward was so open about everything that he would go to John and tell him everything. He told him about their first kiss, the first time Edward had touched her and the first time she had touched him. He even told John when they had sex. It was at her house and Edward returned excited and giddy about the whole thing and John had to pretend he was too, his big smile never faltering. As soon as Edward was distracted with something else, John scurried into the bathroom, grabbing the towel and burying his face in it, his body shaking with the force of his cries.

The X factor years were hardest. They had girls (and boys) throwing themselves at them all the time. Edward would tell John that he had kissed a girl or two and John would always snap at him that they had a squeaky clean reputation to look after so Edward soon stopped taking the girls up on their advances to John’s relief. Once it was all over though, Edward went back to seeing girls again, which obviously lead to him to do more with them and telling John all about it later.“You could have any one of these girls,” Edward would say, “why don’t you just talk to one?” This would hurt John the most. It confirmed in his own mind that Edward could never be interested in him as anything more than a brother. He would try to push John to have sex, not understanding why he wouldn’t.

“I want to wait,” John always said, “I want to choose the right person, someone I’ll spend the rest of my life with.” John’s brain would scream ‘you Edward!’ But he would ignore it the best he could. Edward would shrug and go back to talking with the girls, aiming his perfect smile at them and John would feel sick.

Sometimes John would give in to his urges and touch himself with images of Edward behind his closed eyes. He would imagine Edward’s lips stretched around him, Edward’s hands on his body, Edward on his hands and knees while John vigorously fucked into him.He always felt guilty afterwards, the shame bubbling in his stomach like a sickness but he knew he would do it again and again.

John loves Edward and there’s nothing he can do about it. The thought of Edward getting a serious girlfriend sometimes crosses his mind, the thought of him loving anyone other than him would eat away at him. Edward would sometimes notice and ask him what was wrong and John would smile and keep on pretending. He didn’t notice often as these thoughts mostly happened at night, after Edward was long asleep and John was laying in his own bed, staring up at the ceiling and refusing to look across at Edward.

John sometimes wondered how Edward would react if he ever did come clean. Would it ruin everything? He sometimes imagined Edward smiling and reassuring him 'I’ll love you no matter what’ imaginary Edward would tell him.Other times, most of the time, he imagined the look of disgust and horror on his face, snatching his hand away from John’s and telling him never to even so much as look at him ever again. It’s over. You’ve ruined everything John.No. John could never risk it. Edward was far too important to lose.

So he carries on. He continues watching Edward shamelessly flirt with girls and he knows he will scream about it later when he’s locked away. For now, John just has to smile and laugh and make any excuse to touch Edward, a subtle hint to the girls he’s flirting with that Edward is his.

“Why haven’t you had sex?” Edward asked out of the blue as they lay in their beds one night. John looked up from his phone and tried to look nonchalant about it.“I told you, I wanna wait.” He kept his voice even and controlled, looking back at his phone screen but not reading anything on it.“Why?” Edward asked, turning over to look at John, his eyes sleepy. “Do you like boys John?”John shot Edward a look at the sudden question. Edward was just looking back at him, calm and unfazed. “Because you know you can tell me? I’ll always love you.”

John couldn’t help but smile at this. “I dunno,” John said honestly. He had tried thinking about it before but hadn’t made up his mind. He wasn’t really attracted to girls but he couldn’t think of any boys he liked either. Just Edward. Always Edward.“You can still have sex though, there’s nothing wrong with it.” Edward pushed. John put his phone down and turned to face Edward, cuddling his pillow and hooking a leg over his quilt.“I don’t trust anyone,” John admitted honestly, “I want to do it with someone I love and I haven’t found anyone.”

'Except you’ he added in his head. Edward gave a nod, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth as he thought. “I wish I had waited,” Edward mumbled, “so it meant something.”John watched Edward for a moment, considering what he was going to say. "I don’t think I’m ever going to fall in love,“ John said truthfully. He couldn’t fall in love with someone when he was already in love. He didn’t want to fall for anyone else and he felt that pang of sadness in his chest."Yes you will,” Edward answered, meeting John’s eyes before they both fell into silence. “Sometimes I think that we should just get married,” Edward said after a while as he huffed out a half-hearted laugh. John did the same and forced out a laugh.

He turned away slightly so Edward wouldn’t pick up on how fake his laugh was or notice the hurt behind his eyes. He didn’t want to be the joke, no matter how ridiculous it was. He didn’t want Edward to find the idea of them being anything more than brothers so impossible that it would be a joke.They fell back into silence and John was starting to think that Edward had fallen asleep so he glanced over. Edward was still laying in the same position, his eyes on John. He gave John a small smile as they looked at each other and mumbled a “night night,” before turning over, his back towards John.“Night.” John mumbled, his chest tight and stomach twisting.

“Why don’t you start dating?” Edward asked the next day as they dressed. John pulled on his ridiculously skinny jeans, wiggling his hips into them and cursing them. “Why are you so interested in my love life suddenly?” John huffed, doing up the button and pulling the zip up. He watched Edward repeat his actions as he wiggled into the same jeans, his hips moving gracefully.“I want you to be happy,” Edward answered, looking at John as he done his jeans up.“Sounds like you’re trying to get rid of me.” John aimed for his words to be light hearted, a joke but he could hear the weight behind them and hoped Edward hadn’t.“Never,” Edward said without hesitation, as he pulled on a white top, “I’d be lost without you.”

John smiled and turned towards Edward. There was something behind his eyes that John couldn’t pinpoint, couldn’t read. Edward was quick to turn away, looking into the mirror and running his fingers through his hair. John watched him for a moment before going over to help style his hair, like normal. Edward flinched away from John’s touch and mumbled something about wanting his hair flat and unstyled before leaving the room.John looked at the door, confused and panicked. He knew. He had to know; that’s why he’s trying to push John into getting a girlfriend. He couldn’t stand to be near John and it all made sense now. All the questions about John’s love life; he was waiting for an admission. John ran into the bathroom and grabbed a towel as he slammed the door shut.

John became careful around Edward, making sure he wasn’t doing or saying anything that could freak him out. John would catch Edward watching him, flicking his eyes away as soon as John would look at him. There was an awkwardness between them that John hated and no matter how many times he asked Edward if he was okay, Edward would always reply with “yeah, I’m fine,” with one of his brightest smiles. John could see through it though.John also noticed that he had stopped talking to girls. He obviously spoke to them, kissed fans on the cheeks and embraced them for photos but he had stopped flirting and John couldn’t remember the last time he went out with anyone else but him.

It was weighing John down. He couldn’t quite pinpoint where it all went wrong or what he might’ve done. Maybe he had accidentally said something, maybe Edward had caught on by the way John looked at him. He went over everything they had spoken about and couldn’t figure it out.

“Why don’t you go out with girls anymore?” John asked one night as they lay in their beds. It was too dark to see Edward’s reaction but John heard him shift.“I don’t feel like it.” Edward’s voice was soft, almost a whisper and John knew that he was upset, they were too close for him not to pick up on how he felt.“What’s wrong?” John asked the darkness, “I know something is wrong Ed so just tell me.” There was a long pause before he heard Edward shift again.“You.” John heard him whisper, making his heart sink.“What?” John breathed.“I didn’t say anything,” Edward lied, “I just yawned.” John nodded even though Edward couldn’t see him but he could still feel the tightness in his chest. He knew he had heard it. Edward had said that he was what was wrong and John felt like crying.

“You said it was me-” John gently said, blinking away the tears.“No, I didn’t John. Just go to sleep.” Edward shuffled around again before they fell back into silence; John trying not to make a sound as he cried.

“I’m sorry,” John said the next morning as Edward got out of the shower. He had been showering while John brushed his teeth, his brain going over the whole thing again, just trying to understand it all.“What for?” Edward mumbled as he wrapped himself in a towel. John followed him into the bedroom and leant against the doorframe, watching hm.“Everything.” John decided. He was sorry for everything. Everything he had ever felt, everything he had ever thought. Edward gave him a questioning look, one hand holding up the towel, the other on his hip.

“I’ve ruined everything. You hate me and-”“I don’t hate you!” Edward snapped, stepping forward once before he stopped himself.“See?” John gestured towards him, “you can’t even come near me, Edward!” John noticed Edward’s cheeks turn pink as he looked at the floor. “I’m so sorry,” John cried, letting the tears fall and this time, Edward actually came to him, putting a hand on his shoulder.“You haven’t done anything John, it’s me. I’ve made everything awkward.”

John looked at him and shook his head. “You can’t blame yourself. You can’t help it.”Edward looked like he was about to cry as he stepped away again and ran his hands through his hair. “I don’t even know how or when it all started.”John shrugged, he didn’t know either. Couldn’t remember a time he didn’t love Edward and now Edward knew and it was all so wrong. He wondered if this was it. Edward was building up to tell him that they need time apart and that will lead to Edward never coming back to his weirdo brother.“I just suddenly realised,” Edward told him, “although I think it’s always been there, deep down.”

John nodded because he was right. He knew exactly how John felt and John couldn’t deny it. “You’re freaked out, I can tell.”“No,” John mumbled, “I just don’t want to loose you.” Edward’s face dropped, John’s words enough to make him cry. John wanted to comfort him but he wasn’t sure if he could. “Don’t get upset, if that’s what you want, I’ll do it. I’ll leave?”

“Don’t leave me-” Edward rushed, “I’m sorry, I’ll try to stop John, maybe go back to those girls?”John’s heart sank at his words. He wanted to date again, prove to John that they were no more than brothers. “I was just hoping-” Edward cut himself off to wipe his face. “Hoping that the person, the person you’ve been waiting for all this time could be me and it’s not and-”“What?” John held up a hand and met Edward’s tearful eyes.“I’m sorry John, I don’t know when I started to love you but-”“Wait-” John frowned, trying to process the information. Had Edward been talking about his own feelings the whole time?

“I do, you are my person, I thought that’s why you hated me?” John’s voice was shaky, nerves and maybe a tiny bit of hope welling up inside of him. Edward froze and looked back at him.“I am?” He asked, his lips turning up at the corners. “You love me?”“I’ve always loved you,” John admitted and the words felt good finally being spoken like a weight had been lifted and John could finally breathe.“I want to be your person,” he said with a smile and John felt like crying again. “You wanted to wait for someone that will love you forever?” Edward met his eyes while one hand undid the towel around his waist, letting it fall to the floor. “I’m your person.”

John smiled, a few tears falling as he stepped forward. Edward hooked a hand around the back of his neck before pulling him in for a kiss and John could finally feel Edward’s lips against his. Edward pulled John down onto his bed and John was finally going to be with the one person he loved. The one person he knew he would have forever and the one person who would have him forever.

#jedcest #jedcest fanfic #jedcest prompt

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