#i don't understand ok? at this point i feel like picking up something new rather than returning to the updated fics i LOVE

[mayhemspreadingguy]

Just my ramblings here ~

I can't keep up! For WEEKS now, I was busy and when not busy I was working on my other art projects. And I know that a lot of fics that I subscribe to were updated and a bunch of other stuff here too but there's just too much stuff to catch up to. and for some reason it overwhelmed me to the point that I don't even feel like reading any updates right now. Which is MADDENING! X'DD

[hminnj]

Maybe In A Different Age

Senku/fem reader

cw: angst no comfort (i tried) ik this fandom kinda dead lowkey but I wanted to write this cause its so senku coded. Senku's an idiot (unsuprisingly). Not very good writing.

wc: uhh i wrote this in my notes, around 1k probably

-

Byakuya brings two strangers into their house on a random thursday.

"Senku, this is a close friend and her daughter, I'm sure you guys will get along splendidly."

"Ok."

Five year old Senku is harshly blunt when he meets you for the first time, staring at him silently as if you've never seen a human before. He doesn't have anything to say and it seems neither do you, so he walks off, deciding he has better things to do. Promptly ignoring the sigh and apology the older man lets out.

.

"So I got this new idea and I'm going through the basic logistics and research right now, might need your help later."

"I'll go get us some snacks and something to do while you work on it then."

Six year old Senku watches you dissappear from his doorway, absentmindedly humming while you head to the very familiar kitchen. Your family has been apparently busy as of late so he forcibly sees your face more often. You usually just eat his food, do your work, and ask him (dumb) questions. You're a friend now, he supposes.

.

"Hey dum dum, Byakuya got me new equipment, so I have some new ideas. So listen up."

"Course Senku!"

Seven year old Senku grins, you're always willing to help him out for whatever reason you have (something weird probably, in his opinion). In return, he always tells you what he's working on and his labor demands. So per usual, he excitedly gets into the details of the next project that he plans on working you and Taiju to the bone for.

.

"Hey Senku?"

"What?"

"I think I love you."

"Huh? You better not be catching feelings dum dum." He gives you a confused squint after hearing your words.

"Whatever you say." You hum

Eight year old Senku hears you say those three words for the first time, you don't say why and he doesn't know either. He thinks its rather idiotic, but he shrugs it off after you silently go back to reading. You've been picking up books more often as of late, not that he cares much.

.

"You're late for the test runs, Taiju and Yuzuriha already left."

"Sorry sorry! My teacher held me up a little later at practice today."

"Hm." His disappointed stare returns.

"Im sorry..? Love you?" You're sheepish with your response.

"How is that supposed to make up for anything? Now come help me carry this stuff"

"As you wish, princess Senku."

Nine year old Senku doesn't understand why you and Byakuya tell him that so often (or that stupid nickname sourced from his "feebleness"), but he moves on quickly to detail the results of the test and the numerous next steps. Much to his pleasure.

.

"Wake up stupid. You fell asleep." Senku (roughly) shakes you awake from your shoulders, poking at your face a few times.

"Huh? Oh sorry Senku, I guess I'm just tired."

"Well you're not gonna wanna miss this." He grins while looking up, expectant.

"Hm. Hey the moons pretty tonight yeah?"

"It looks the same as it always does. Is that poetry getting to you and making you sappy?"

You wait before responding, "Maybe."

Eleven year old Senku keeps you up on certain nights for his projects or for nights like these where there's a meteor shower. He thinks you should stop reading so much of those books that make you sound like Byakuya. You should also get more rest, he adds.

.

"Happy Valentines Day Senku!! Got you a gift, heh."

"Must I tell you again?" Senku turns to a usual sight, you waving a gift in front of his face as if he were a dog.

"I'm good I just wanted to remind you."

"Right."

Twelve year old Senku doesn't see the point in meaningless feelings or holidays for said feelings. Nevertheless, he takes the homemade chocolate from you, skimming through the card which contents include exactly what he expected (a confession of sorts, again), and placing it to the side. Ignoring it in favor of the much more sensible chemicals in front of him. Like every year though, Senku keeps it. He doesn't know why.

.

"Taiju and Yuzuriha definitely have something going on don't you think?"

"And you're bringing this up why?"

You pause, you know why, but you know he wouldn't understand. "It's cute... wish I could have something like that you know?"

"...For the last time-"

"I know I know Senku, don't worry I'll try to bother you less."

Thirteen year old Senku doesn't see you as much anymore, mostly because of your practice that your mom wants you to perfect. You come over less nowadays, a shame (for his projects obviously), but your presence isn't any smaller of an intrusion at school. So much for bothering him less.

.

Around 21:00 is when he hears the familiar ringing of his doorbell. "It's late, why are you here?"

"Got out of training not too long ago and wanted to see you before I headed in."

"Your house isn't even remotely close to mine" A raised eyebrow is all you get in response to your grin.

"What does it matter when I'm already here, but gotta go before I get scolded. Goodnight Senku, Love you!"

"You know it's never gonna happen, as you know-"

"Yeah yeah, 10 billion percent illogical, I know, but I can't let my favorite person forget can I?" You flash another smile.

"As if I'd ever with how often you say it, now goodnight."

Fourteen year old Senku closes the door after you've cheerfully said your bye and faded from his sight enough. The lack of noise is strange, now that Byakuya has "ascended like an angel" (his words not Senkus) it's much quieter. The usual noise of a certain two people is absent more often than not. He let's the silence of the house sit in.

.

"Hey, can you get me something from the storage real quick? Need it soon but that bonehead forgot when he came up here babbling about confessing to Yuzuriha"

"Of course. I'd do anything for you. Always here. You know that Sen."

Fifteen year old Senku glances at your fleeting figure. The nickname is new, for sure. And he can't say he dislikes it, but the lack of a certain three words with your departure is strange. He brushes it off to your usual forgetfulness and peers out the window at Taiju and Yuzuriha. Thoughts preoccupied until a bright green light overtakes his vision and he can't do anything but think into the void.

So he counts.

And maybe every once in a while you pop into his head like you always do.

.

Three-thousand and something year old Senku wakes up to a world where theres a lack of civilization, a lack of his decency, and most importantly, a lack of you.

You would be useful right now, he supposes.

.

Three-thousand and something year old Senku spends his free time trying to find you and the rest of the "gang" (as you would say).

He finds Taiju, he finds Yuzuriha, he also finds a lion-punching maniac, but there's no sign of you.

He's ten billion percent sure you survived.

Right?

The concerned stare Yuzuriha gives him as they part is ignored.

.

(Physically) Sixteen year old Senku celebrates this birthday gazing into the sky from his new observatory. It reminds him of a lot of things, but he can't help but notice how empty it is, it's eerily quiet.

He doesn't like it.

Senku wishes you were here.

His first real birthday wish.

.

(Still) Sixteen year old Senku breaks when he hears his father's voice again for the first time in ages. It's not his voice that gets to Senku. He's heard it plenty enough in his lifetime. It's the mention of you.

"Just kidding! I know it's you on the other side of this Senku! And ____'s there with you right? Please tell me you're dating already or even better married so I can have grandchildren. Please please please Senku! Although you can't really tell me that but-"

Senku stops himself from showing vulnerability in front of the village, and he also stops himself from pausing the record right there and then. Opting to sigh and curse his dad out as a cover up, his fist lightly punching the table.

"Damn you old man."

The questions from the villagers about who you could be are forgotten in favor of an angelic voice. Senku's quick to tune it out. It reminds him of you.

.

(Mentally) Sixteen year old Senku sits by himself that night. It's been a long day. The constant repeat of a certain melody in the background, more work for the science kingdom, and a few questions about who you were. They stopped after a few radio silences from him, feelings are hard for the scientist after all.

It's cold.

He wishes you were here.

It's dark.

He wishes you were here.

It's lonely.

He wishes you were here.

The day he can always guarantee you're there has long passed. You should be here, is what his mind tells him. You owe him for the past 3000 years of missed birthdays after all.

It's funny, in his opinion. That you were probably most-definitely always there. And the one (multiple actually, 10 billion in his mind) time he looks for you, you're not there.

He doesn't think its funny.

"I'd do anything for you huh..."

Anything but keep your word.

He scoffs, but it's directed at himself. He would never blame you for this, or anything for that matter, he can't.

So he sits. And he stays. Like you would've wanted him too. He looks at the clear sky like you usually do. And he notes how the moon is pretty tonight. Just like you.

"I love you too."

He's 10 billion percent sure he does.

-

Thanks for reading, if you did :). Sorry for any errors not fully proofread. Senku is so right person wrong time coded when it comes to romance that i had to write this even if its lowkey bad

[virtuouswhitehatorganization]

Green Rod Sees Miss Heed's True Colors For The First Time

[It takes place after the PEACE New Years Eve Party where she and Miss Heed privately talk to each other in her limo. She is working with Ms. Sensation at the time and they went to the party together. She wants to discuss about how Coyote and Omega have changed since they've "patched things up" and began working under her. Omega and Coyote are guarding them outside as they begin chatting.]

Miss Heed: So, Green Rad.

Green Rod corrected: Rod.

[Miss Heed tried to hold back her displeasure of being corrected but continued to fasly smile.]

Miss Heed: Ok, Green Rod, what did you want to discuss?" (Internal thoughts: It better be good because even if she's currently side kicking with Ms. Sensation and was Omega's sidekick it was already enough allowing someone like her into the VIP section due to her current mentor convincing me.)

Green Rod coughed as she looked at her former mentor and his archnemeses (and her crush) outsided: I was wondering about Omega and Coyote.

[Miss Heed perked up an eyebrow in curiosity about her interest in both men she secretly brainwashed to further her own image and bolster her fanbase.]

Miss Heed: What about them?

Green Rod: Well, I don't know how to properly say it but I think something's changed since they've been working with you.

[Miss Heed internally twitched but again kept her false perky self on.]

Miss Heed: You mean them getting along better. Well, that's the power of what love and understanding can do which is make enemies into besties. (Internal thoughts: This brat is too observant for her own damn good.)

[Green Rod tried to agree with her, but she then remembered her and Omega's previous fights with Coyote and even if he was supposed to have turned a new leaf this wasn't the same man who they had gotten into tussles before (who she also grew to have forbidden feelings for). The man before was proud and deviant to his core, while the current "reformed man" just seemed to do anything Heed did. The same thing with her mentor before it seemed he and Heed happily got along like best buddies, but now she saw most photos on account and it seemed like her mentor wore a frown where it had previously been a glowing smile and like Coyote just seemed to follow the pink clad heroine's every direction.]

Green Rod: I just don't know. I tried talking to them both, but it's like talking to zombies which ironically Coyote is but one of those braindead ones that have no thoughts of their own and only follow orders.

[At this point Miss Heed's patience was growing thin, but no matter what she was still going to maintain a facade while getting a point across to Green Rod.]

Miss Heed: Look you will realize that this change is for the betterment for everyone so get used to it.

[Green Rod began to pick up at Miss Heed's condescension and was a bit confused at what she was saying. The pink heroine then held up her chin by her finger as she said in a passive aggressive threatening way.]

Miss Heed: Sometimes it's best to keep out of other's business rather than butt in. Because maybe you could have the honor of joining with your mentor and Coyote if you persist in asking questions.

[Green Rod began to sweat as she absolutely knew this was a threat and whatever she did to them to make them that way she would do to her. ]

Green Rod: Well, it was nice talking to you. But I think me and Ms. Sensation should head home now.

[Miss Heed giggled deviously.]

Miss Heed: Ok, get there safe. (Internal thoughts: Yes, you better run because if you get too close to the truth again you will be one of my devoted followers.)

[Green Rod reluctantly smiled as she rushed out of the limo while the hypnotized Omega and Coyote looked on robotically as she tried as hard as she could to find Ms. Sensation and get away from Miss Heed as far as possible. Any hints of her previous admiration and crush on her evaporated as she now knew in her gut she had done something to her mentor and secret love.]

[spawksstuff]

Star Trek East Cruise 15-18 May 1987 Part 2

De's Q&A Session. The video was too large so I upload it to Youtube. The cuts in the video aren't mine, that's how the original is. His hat says "Trekcruise'87" and his shirt says "Trust me I'm a Doctor." Transcript below.

I'm a doctor not a sailor. So you're all-is everybody here from Florida? Hey, how about that, isn't that nice? What about Utah. Ok forget it.

Listen, again I want to tell you-can you all hear me? You hear me? I want to tell you how happy I am to be with you on this cruise. And everything down in sickbay is going swimmingly. My first patient this morning was James Doohan, then nurse Christine came in, and then of all people lil Sulu.

Would you believe little Sulu was hungover? But he was. Walter hasn't even shown up yet. Oh there he is! They finally brought him up, beamed him up.

Listen, I'm going skip all the preliminaries, I also come here to learn from you. I-we all learn everything from the fans. You tell us first what's going to happen. so you ask me a question, and then if I can't answer it I'm sure you can. So does anyone have a question? No? Well it's back to the bar.

About the fifth movie. I don't know. I haven't heard anything from Walter Koenig yet, he's my source. They're in the very embryonic stage of making this fifth movie and there's been nothing really released about it, only with the exception- I'M SPEAKING OVER HERE.

I hate those foreign boats [Note, they had already docked at Nassau at this point]. So I understand-AHOY. [Sounds like really bad Spanish]. You have to speak all of those languages to travel. Nothing has been really released on Star Trek five, only our good captain as you know is going to direct it and we're anxiously awaiting to see what they're going to do as much as you are. I wish I could help you more. Anyone else?

How do I feel about the new series? Sick. (laughing). No I have high hopes for it. I'm sure Paramount feels that they have a very worthwhile and viable product in Star Trek and they would like to see it go on and on and I feel that it is in the very best hands possible with Gene Roddenberry. If anyone will be able to make it work,

Naturally we have mixed feelings, you would too after 20 years.

It's a rather strange feeling to wake up and see the trade papers that they're doing a new Star Trek. It's the first time I've ever really felt like "he's dead, Jim." But I'm hoping for their sake that it will be a success. And I hope you will continue to look at our year-to-year movies. You're going to enjoy number six, I'll tell you that.

That's not the one I'm directing, but I've written the story idea for it. I can tell you that because I wrote it and it concerns all of us going to the proper rest home. It's going to be a lulu(?) you're going to like it, we're going to fool you.

Another question. Yes? Have I written anymore poetry? No not since...

Uh I had heard how he spoofed, no I have-my experience has been very unique with Star Trek fans. I find them very loving, peace-loving people, very courteous, and extremely intelligent.  So I have nothing but fondness for all of you and great respect for all of you and were it not for you, of course, none of us would be here.

Yes? In other words, you were glad to see the humor come back in? Yes we all were because I think everybody has forgotten, and people that didn't follow Star Trek really didn't remember just how much humor we did through the years. Gentleman standing over here, David Gerold, can testify to that with "The Trouble with Tribbles". But that picture felt more, to all of us I'm sure, like what we used to do. And I've often said I wish we had done that earlier in the series, something of that nature because this film has picked up a crossover audience, which is very nice. People are enjoying it simply as a motion picture, it's lovely.

Yes? Will there be a more sense of family in the next movie? I certainly hope so but none of us really know what the story is going to be about.

Yes? Was it for acting purposes that I dropped my first name "Jackson"? No, I never knew I had that name until I went in the Army. That's true. My family had always addressed me as DeForest, and when I went into the service I found that "Jackson" there. But anytime I would receive a letter addressed to Jackson I knew it was someone from the service. But I did not, I didn't take the name, it's really my name.

Yes, way back there. All of the presidents have libraries in their hometown state, he want to know if there's going to be one for Bones McCoy in Georgia. Well I'll have to speak to President Carter about that. It's a good idea come to think of it.

(The man in the black shirt on the left is Walter Koenig). My experience with Bill has not been that bad to tell you the truth. I must tell you that we very seldom, any of us, see each other on social occasions. We do, we do see each other at Star Trek conventions, we talk by phone occasionally and that sort of thing. But I don't know. Bill really, when Bill wants to be amiable, he has one of the most delightful funny personalities that you've seen on talk shows that you can have. And I think Bill, I think he's a very bright guy, and imaginative and I'm sincerely hoping that he will - my concern is that, and I'm hoping he will be able to bring Star Trek five off beautifully. That's the important thing. 

Yes? I'm just filling...what was that remark? I do make house calls. Yes, one of the few left. Yes, write it down, put it on a piece of paper and sail it on.

Yes? There was no blooper reel made from the movies no. They're two different ball games. The television series, we worked long, fast, and hard hours and there were a lot of released laughs. Motion pictures, you sit around for hours and hours before you do something. And very few things are funny by the time you get on the set. Yes?

I had done a film with Bette Davis and Susan Hayward called "Where Love Has Gone" which was bringing me out of the villain thing, and from that, I went into Star Trek. So I don't know what my future would've been but I would've continued to try to be just a good working actor and let what happens happens.

Ladies and gentlemen it's been a pleasure. And a line from my poem, "if you're wondering now what's with Kelley, what's with his life, he's still in the valley, with the very same wife."

[theartisticintrovert]

Double: Initial Thoughts (Pre-VD)

ok this beat slaps

MY BOY THERE HE IS!!!

i was right this is 90% a Niko song

(longer, more involved theory-crafting under the cut)

I WAS RIGHT he WAS meant to protect mikoto!!! and the fact that he calls himself the "newborn other you" supports my theory that he's new, probably forming either right before or right after the murder.

"I don't even know the reason why I'm here" and "[He's a liar,] you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?" sounds a lot like even Niko doesn't fully remember what happened. Also, I looked into the lyrics (as I do), and I found some interesting bits in that second line. Take this with a grain of salt, I'm not a native Japanese speaker, but I did my best to look at resources from fluent speakers (like Japanese dictionaries) to explain nuances.

I find it interesting that they chose to translate 悪者 (warumono) as "scoundrel", rather than something else. Literally, it means "bad guy" (warui = bad, mono = someone/person), and thus could be translated a number of ways. Villain, bad guy, ruffian, rascal, etc. So why scoundrel? Is it another case of strange translation, or does it mean something about Niko?

Also....considering how clear the first MV was with 1) WHERE the murder happened, as well as 2) the Kotos whacking an Actual Human Person, I strongly doubt that the implied Subway Rampage happened here. In fact, the entire thing feels like it's happening while Mikoto is having a mental breakdown and lashing out. None of it feels real, not like MeMe did (at least, the parts taking place outside Mikoto's brain).

I think Mikoto is (or at least was) suffering from the culture of overwork that's common in Japan: karoshi, or "death from overworking". Obviously he's not dead, but he definitely wasn't looking so hot in that MV. Eyebags, dark circles, exhausted posture, and bedraggled appearance were just a few things I picked up on my first run-through. His clothes, while fashionable, are loose, baggy, and cover his body completely. For someone like Mikoto, who's so meticulous about how he appears to others, to purposely dress like this? It contrasts so much with his flashy hair and piercings that one has to wonder why?

It's a ruse. Just like how peacocks have false eyes on their tails to deter predators, I think Mikoto's flashiness is meant to draw attention away from everything else. Any inconsistencies can be explained away with a makeup mishap (because you can't tell me this man doesn't wear foundation and concealer at a minimum), and having stylish clothes distracts from how otherwise baggy they are. Baggy clothes in themselves are a smokescreen, too. They hide your physical form, making it so it's harder to tell the true build of someone underneath.

Kotoko uses this to disguise herself in Harrow, which leads to the police looking for a bulky, middle-aged man instead of a 20 year old female college dropout. Mikoto uses his clothes differently, meant to distract from anything "concerning" about him that can't be brushed away with a laugh or a smile. I think he's trying to hide being too thin or malnourished, since stress and overwork can lead to fatigue, poor nutrition, and a host of skin problems. Hiding that behind baggy clothes and a layer of makeup means his ditz mask works better, and anyone sharp enough to look past it....well. I'm not actually sure he's met anyone like that, if his phone call with his mother was any indication.

The point is, I'm worried about him. I think his murder was a result of a mental breakdown but not, as I thought earlier, from anger, but from stress. Stress from overwork that led him to the point of death, and it was just bad luck that meant it was someone else's rather than his own.

Again, this is all just a theory, and I haven't listened to the VD yet. But I will say this; I've been there, and while I haven't killed anyone over it there were times I got damn close. I may not agree with him, but I understand, especially if he has nobody who knows the Real Him. I was lucky enough to be able to vent to my friends about my job and school before my stress breakdown consumed me, but I don't think he has anyone like that.

Godspeed, Mikoto. Lord knows you need it.

[prowerprojects]

I'm sure Rouge could, as with other characters. But it comes back to which ones and why? It is her style or required for her line of work? Does she draw the line with specific ones or isn't as skilled with one gadget compared to another?

It's a matter of what the gameplay calls for. (If Tails Adventure and Sky Patrol are anything to go by, a Tails focus game is likely not going to play the same as those who follow Sonic's main gamestyle. If flight the main aspect, the game will focus on that. If gadgets are, it will be on that. Both? A compromise would have to made, but I'm sure they could get it to work.) If you ever heard of "Rachet and Clank", it probably gives a better visual of what I mean for this hypothetical. Spyro too, though more flying than gadgets.

I would say Rouge mainly has experience and stamina over the youngsters; but coming down to what they use their flight capabilities for; Tails being air support and Charmy stated to be a tracker. Plus Charmy does use his stinger and Cream uses Cheese as a projectile. (The fox likely can't beat Rouge toe-to-toe, but I'm sure he'd cause enough trouble for her to not consider him easy pickings next time.) In fairness, we don't really get much time with Prime Tails. {Not the first time a Tails has used a RC device either} It mainly Nine and the other counterparts instead; who live in rather hostile places.

I checked to be sure, and yeah, there is one flight level: The first Speedy boss. There are places to land [in case you get hit], but the stamina bar is completely removed here, as the goal is to get to the top while avoiding Speedy.

Honestly, it's a concept that's not used enough. I can totally buy him coming from the grocery or tool shop, using his tails to carry as much bags and supplies as possible. (Although not techinally the fur, when Nine takes off with the shard; the one Sonic just got absorbed into, you can see it wrapped in his organic tails. So yeah, I say it stands a good chance of coming back.)

You are correct. (Hmm, well, Amy was already shown to throw hammers in Origins.{Which funnily enough again, was shown in X before. The episode Sonic finally comes back from Chris' world.} I say it has a fair shot of sticking. A little less certain with Tails, but I think it could work in Frontiers. Part of me feels that a tweaked version of the Avatar's Wispon gameplay from Forces would fit him well. We'll see what the DLC does for both.)

Hmm, I can buy Tails being interested in history. Especially if it helps him better understand of what's going on at the moment or could be applied later. (Also, I think he just likes learning new things. That being said, it doesn't mean he'll be an expert of something overnight. Hence why he consulted Professor Pickles during Unleashed.)

I feel like the Rouge conversation got a bit away from the point I was originally trying to make, haha =_=' (it's ok but I'm just gonna drop it here)

I heard of Ratchet and Clank but have never played it myself. I looked up some gameplay footage and it looks pretty cool! (Longing for a Tails solo game intensifies)

I know, I know, drones are just so... lame :( I'm still holding out hope that we'll get to see more flashbacks with Prime Tails, I really like him from what little we've seen of him even though he's written so differently from probably any version of Tails I've seen before (except for maybe in some fics haha)

Yep! I've noticed that thing with Nine! (Part of my headcanon is that Tails's ability to control his Tails like that helps him fly (a little bit); I don't have a clear idea of the details, but the basic one is that he's able to position the fur of his tails in such a way that it makes slightly easier for them to function as helicopter blades. At this point it's instinctual for him, but if you're not Tails you might have a bit of trouble figuring out how to do it)

Yeah, I guess we'll see.

Man you mentioned the wispons and it made me think – we haven't seen Tails actually inventing anything for a while, huh? Unless something completely slipped my mind, the last time he had a new invention was Unleashed (the Miles Electric), and it's also the last time we've seen him with a new vehicle (Tornado-1. Geez. The Sonic Boom tv show made fun of his inability to come up with names and I kinda see where they were coming from here lmao). Mannnn. We can talk forever about the loss of his fighting abilities, but he hasn't exactly been shining in other areas either.

Yeah, it definitely doesn't seem... ooc for him to be into history, it just doesn't seem as connected to his usual interests. (But I guess history is inescapable in any field of work) Though Tails also has his own interest in chaos emeralds. (And you know if Eggman keeps summoning ancient evils (and Shadow) it's nice to at least have a general idea of what's going on. Or at least who to ask haha)

[qrupafjzvm1]

birthday!

a neatly-folded letter is placed under a bottle of vanilla extract.

pretty sure it's been there for more than a day. you have a feeling that you were late.

hello hi if you're reading this i'm probably going in pmd to become an eevee WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

if i'm not please return this where you found it thank you very much

anyway what the heck is this letter about.

i have a tradition that started on another site where i'd talk about what I've done for the year and my resolutions for the next.

it's a gaming site, sooooooooooooo not much fanfare is possible in those posts. only about the game and the community.

so i decided, since i'm using like 5 different sites now, why not make 3 recaps?

so yeah this is one of 3 you can find, honestly would rather you don't find any of the other ones but who knows :shrug:

this one's gonna go very in-depth about fandom stuff! well, as much as i can, anyway. i didn't do much this year.

ANYWAY! first 6 months had absolutely nothing. i was locked into irl stuff and honestly had no time to think about anything else. ended in complete failure btw.

so yeah life was miserable

and then vocaloid happen.

whoo boy, fun fact: i didn't understand why people liked music they can't understand the lyrics of. like I'm a lyrics kid, i need lyrics to sing them songs, how can you enjoy a song without singing it

yeah turns out you can and WHOOOOOO what a turnaround now i'm rolling all around for a trillion years and a night while getting mesmerized and ok i'll stop

vocaloid would later bring me to other Japanese songs which i also love (yorushika anyone? pls recommend some more too)

anyway then ES happened and yup i can dream again that's great

yeah 2 years of depression and half a year of failure really takes a toll out of you, but then ES and PMD came from heaven and rescued me from the grasping hands of hell (no depictions available)

the fandom (and pokemon as a whole) probably brought me back to life in many ways i thought only techno's vids could do sooooooooooo yeah i love 'em

got an eevee plush recently actually can anyone recommend me a small pouch to go with so eve can be an explorer

oh and also ssrpg but that's honestly old news and you guys probably don't know 'em too so we'll just pass that

and splatoon, and doraemon (you didn't expect that did you), inside out had a page for a while, i was joining a dozen fandoms lmao

anyway so big problem. i can dream again. i have like, a full a4 page of fic ideas, in 11px times new roman. i can't write any of 'em.

no, i'm not saying that like i can't can't, it's more like i put myself down to write and 10 million things happen in my brain and now i'm playing the same boring games and can't write for naught

truly a curse (i'd call it adhd but i cannot get to a therapist so yeah that ain't happening)

the plan is for eve to be my hyperfixation so i can focus better? i mean i hope it works

anyway resolution!!!

i mean when it coms to fandoms my only resolution is to write more fics. i'ma be honest it's only that. you really shouldn't expect much more.

actually you can expect much more i'll try to pick up drawing at some point if i have time

so yeah that's the end of this random rambling, honestly i wanted to write more but the page's ending and so is my time, the gate to pmd's closing in like 15 minutes eek

sayonara (i'll be back with a fic i swear)

=================================================

there's something on the back of the page. "why did you expect me to use the back of a page. i am disappointed in you."

[sadbrainday]

I'm sorry. I'm unraveling and I don't know why. We have reason to celebrate but I can manage to do is numb myself. I'm sorry that all of my worst traits are showing. All the things you dislike about me are showing. The red flags I'm waving are likely concerning. I want to tell you everything is ok. That I'll be fine tomorrow and I'll make up for everything but I can't. I don't know how tomorrow is going to go. I'm unsure how the remainder of the night is going to go. I feel like all I've done is fail you lately. You think I don't notice you walking on egg shells around me. Putting your hands up, palms forward, as if to say "it's ok" while also defending your self from an unwarranted lash out.

The most frequently asked question now a days is "are you ok". Not just from you but everyone. My programmed answer is "yeah, im good". I'm lying to you at least 3 times a day. You know something is off. We both know. But we both don't know what. I can't find the joy is making things anymore. Making stuff for our new home, our kids, myself. The motivation to start the project just isn't there. Because of it not being there I start picking myself apart. I know exactly what I need to do to achieve my goals. By not doing them, I often bad mouth myself and tare myself down before I've even started. I used to get high to make my mind shut down but it almost makes it worse now. I get so paranoid that I start to panic and over think my self and it leads to more self degradation and depression. More then starting projects, I feel so bad about you. I know im not myself and I haven't been as lovey lately. I haven't don't alot that I usually do. These last few months have torn me down and I just don't have the care to get back up. I just want to drink myself numb. So incredibly numb. If I can't think... im happy. Rather I'm content. Not thinking of my Continuous fuck ups and short comings.

I hope you still love me. I don't deserve it and if you left, I would understand. You deserve so much better. I owe you the world. It doesn't matter if you stay or go, I owe you my everything. I'm always going to love you. I don't want to always fail you. Sure I've had good intentions and good moments but I fear the bad is out weighing the good. Im worried that you are beginning to despise the man you see everyday. I fear its becoming a chore to be with me.

I dont know what to do next. I'm going to pour me a drink. I love you so much. I hope you stay... It's all that holds me together at this point.

[aajjks]

BC!JK

you can't believe it. the man you want to take you out on a date has never taken a woman on a date in his entire life. it's shocking news because (not to be mean but..) jungkook has been with various women. although you aren't aware how long his string of women are you were expecting him to have taken at least ONE GIRL on a date but what he's telling you or rather confessing to you is that he never has and has no clue on what to do on a date. you wonder if this should be looked at like a red flag because in some cases, this is a red flag.

he must have messed around a lot.

you're sure at least one of these girls asked him out and he either broke their heart or rejected them.

you don't think too much about it but your shock is obvious and you can understand why he never asked. women came easy to him. with his looks and wealth combined, who wouldn't want to be with a charming guy like him? well, you didn't but look at where you are now and despite the disbelief you feel, jungkook tells you that he wants to make this experience the best for you. FOR YOU.

how sweet because this date should be just as memorable for him as well but you know just how centered you are in his world.

its been like that since the both of you were 19.

"wow, you've never been on a date? not even one?"

not one.

"huh. well, i guess i can teach you a few things, and don't think i didn't catch your little pun there" you wink before putting your hand up to your face in a thinking pose.

where is a good place to start for a date?

"lesson number one, choose a place that's fun for you and your person of interest. i'm not sure what are hobbies are but i love to paint, obviously, i love food, and uhhhh...i like amusement parks despite me being a huge wimp when it comes to rollercoasters" before you can continue, jungkook's mother calls for the both of you to return to the dining room.

"JUNGKOOK! I KNOW YOU ARE NOT SCREWING THAT BROAD IN MY HOUSE! COME HERE RIGHT NOW!!" she yells.

"pick a fun place then text me the date and time okay? we better hurry up before your mom throws something at me" you joke as you fix yourself up a bit before looking at jungkook.

you gasp "oh my gosh, there's a mark on your face! i-i didn't mean to hit you that hard. your mom is going to kill me" you bring your hand to jungkook's cheek and rub the small hand mark on his face from when you slapped him.

"here, slap me back so we can be even"

“ Are you fucking insane or what? YN… don’t suggest shit like this..” he whispers angrily, because how could you even suggest him slapping you? Even when he used to bully you, he never physically struck you.

Maybe he pushed you, but that was it. “ honestly, your slap isn’t really that big of a deal…. Got me a little hard but you know…” he giggles, winking.

Your expressions are adorable, because you make a gagging sound at that. “MOM WE ARE NOT FUCKING!” he roll his eyes because he wishes that you two were but maybe that day will come soon. “ OK then I’ll text you all the details now. Let’s just go and enjoy our meal he says, sighing, I’m just like that he takes your hand and it and guides you back to the dining room.

There is his father and mother, his mother is rolling her eyes at something his father probably said. What is Mother’s problem? She’s always so mean. “Here we are.” He announces his presence suddenly, and the couple seem to stop bickering.

His father’s attention is back on you and it’s bugging him a little because he’s so focused on you. “Father- you are staring.” he rolls his eyes, because why would anyone look at you for too long?

Jungkook sits back down and his mother is quick to point out his red right cheek. “Ugh It’s nothing I tripped.” He shrugs and you get a little awkward, but then his father starts to converse with you.

“Yn?! After the desert I’ll take you home… and I got you a little gift…” jungkook rudely interrupts your conversation because he doesn’t like him when your attention is not focused on him. He’s toxic like that but you’ll have to get used to that.

Jungkook doesn’t bother to reply to both of his parents question about gift until a servant comes in with a Tiffany and Co. Shopping bag.

His mother is definitely surprised, his father doesn’t really care, because he is still busy staring at you, “yn… I got you a pendant… I hope you like it.” He gives you a goofy smile.

You are his crush after all.

“please wear it.” he requests to you as he gets up from his seat and takes the shopping bag from the servant and puts it on your lap.

[yellow-faerie]

Ok ok ask and ye shall receive - Archivist!Melanie

So the basic premise of this one is that Melanie has weird things happen to her super early in her career. First, there's an encounter with the Web probably when she's still at Uni, and there's an encounter with something or other while recording, and maybe another incident with someone or something else.

In her quest to find answers, she ends up at the Magnus Institute literally the day Gertrude goes missing (probably due to some sort of Web machination, or just dumb luck) and comes to the attention of Elias Bouchard who's like - well she's got herself a head start! And so he literally offers her a job in the Archives on the spot.

Melanie is like...umm am I qualified for that? And Elias is like...I'm gonna pay you loads and give you four assistants so do with that what you will. So Melanie takes the Archivist job.

The assistants are Sasha, Tim, Jonathan and Martin. I think the dynamic in the Archives is quite fraught between Melanie and her assistants for while they are very happy to help, there's this sort of unspoken agreement that even Martin would have been a better pick as Archivist.

This isn't to say they are friends/friendly but they don't have the basis of a friendship from working together previously that Jon had with Sasha and Tim, and so it's more difficult to not feel an undertone of bitterness that she got the job.

I reckon she's probably still quite sceptical of statements to begin with, perhaps a touch less due to her Several Experiences Already. The whole reason she's here is to understand why the Fears are like that and she is determined that once she's worked it out, she'll step down and let the others fight over the position.

Jane Prentiss happens pretty much the same as canon EXCEPT that it is Martin who gets taken by the Not!Them - not sure on the logistics of how yet - when they come out.

Melanie has a sort of paranoia arc, but it's mostly just an anger issues arc, and she and Georgie - who were sort of dating by that point - "take a break" over this and this just sorta makes things worse. The police suspect her of the murder (how could they not) and Basira and Daisy still come in as they did in canon.

The Not!Them is discovered by Jon though - who goes through a little, mini paranoia arc as a treat when his boyfriend (he and Martin were dating) starts acting weird; which culminates in someone from the library coming down to the archives and being like...that's not the guy I remember - and so he burns the table down with his lighter. (The web lighter)

Which still releases the Not!Them but we get rescued by Leitner, while Michael ends up having Tim and Sasha in his tunnels. He takes a particular liking to Sasha but does let them both leave.

Leitner appears; Leitner dies. Melanie gets accused of murder and ends up staying at Georgie's. This is inconvenient because Jon ALSO comes to visit Georgie because of the cat (a rather new development coming from losing the guy he really quite liked to Strange Fear Entities).

I reckon Melanie would definitely also travel like Jon did. I think she's probably marked by the Slaughter with the bullet in her leg just as in canon. I'm not gonna get into the specifics here because I have yet to map them out lol.

Meanwhile, back home, Jon is getting super quiet at work, Tim is furious that he's still here and Sasha has a new, developing fear of opening doors. Basira joins the Archives around this time I believe as well. (I have not got this far on my relisten so details get fuzzy from here on out lol)

But the Circus of the Other! Tim dies, as in canon, Melanie goes into the place between Life and Death but it is Georgie who wakes her up. Georgie who still has a great deal of affection for her ex-girlfriend and would rather she not die.

So I have not planned this out lol but things I know happen in this alternate S4:

- Jon goes Full Web (he's the one that Peter chooses to be his assistant but Jon is playing his own game)

- Sasha either a) ends up opening the wrong door and being swallowed by the distortion, something that kept happening for longer and longer times before the final time) or b) goes the Melanie of S4 route and quits the institute - I literally cannot decide haha

- I reckon Basira is the same sort of ruthless as in canon and is the one who does Impromptu Near Surgery (the bullet is still there after all)

- Daisy is rescued

I reckon a lot of S4 would be Melanie trying to prove she's not a monster; she helps Daisy to feel like a hero (Jon pulls her out with the tapes - the Mother doesn't want them losing the Archivist), she refuses to eat (and then lies about it when she does), etc etc

Eventually though, things come to a head and Melanie - fully marked - has to escape. So she goes to Georgie's house for help and Georgie knows a place up in Scotland where they can stay safe. (It's Daisy's safehouse, the information is for some reason being given by Georgie but shhh)

So then the Apocalypse happens. Melanie has kinda accepted that she has to eat so Georgie leaves her to it and voilà, eyepocalypse.

I really haven't thought this far ahead but if Sasha got eaten by the Distortion, she would appear instead of Helen; and if she was blinded, she'd probably end up beneath the Institute although I don't know if she'd rescue anyone or not.

Basira and Daisy's story would, again, be somewhat similar to canon because they really do not want to be AUed against their will for some reason.

That said, Jon definitely becomes a full avatar of the Web in this situation and is like Annabelle's right hand, being used to convince Georgie and Melanie of the plan to release the Fears; which he's good enough at that he gets Georgie.

And Georgie stabs Melanie.

So yeah! I love these sorts of AUs where everything twists and turns, and Archivist!Melanie is one that's so totally full of a lot of denial and anger that it...frankly fascinates me as an idea.

I desperately need to talk about my TMA au where several alternate universes with different Archivists starting the eyepocalypse, all meeting in the winding corridors of Hilltop Road as it exists in between universes, like I am literally lying awake thinking about it

There's Jon, of course, looking for Martin but there's also:

Archivist!Gertrude starting the apocalypse because she and Agnes were much closer than in canon and Gertrude will put herself in danger for one (1) person

Archivist!Melanie who joined the institute after several very weird encounters on the job and who Elias shoved into the archivist position because of her several marks; she screams and screams against it but doesn't leave because a small sliver of her is scared of death, and half believes she might be able to help other people

Archivist!Basira who takes over after Jon dies in the Unknowing and is sceptical and untrusting and ruthless, but too reckless not to get marked (and maybe she's friends with Rosie, out of lack of no-one else to be friends with, and maybe clinging to that friendship means she misses when Rosie's eyes subtly change colour)

Archivist!Sasha who is almost as sceptical as Jon but is more light-hearted, and has her own past, and whose journey mirrors Jon's so terribly but she still digs that hole anyway

Archivist!Elias, which was admittedly crack to begin with, but now I'm obsessed with whatever that would be like after Gertrude dies early - also weirdly got me into LonelyEyes so...I don't know how I feel about that

There are just so many twists and turns to all these aus and in my head they don't even interact all that much but....all the other characters who twist into new narrative positions when the Archivist changes...it fascinates me

Send me an ask with a character (literally any character from TMA) and I'll tell you how they change in each au, as well as maybe a few headcanons from the canon universe ;)

[turnaroundroundround]

Morimyu in Classical reference

So, as for the fact that music in Morimyu Op. 3 resembles classical music in both progression and musical technicality, it's interesting how it's possible to keep coming up with different interpretations after re-watching the musical again and again.

I've made a thread on twitter about this before, but 1) word limitations and thread will never be enough to list all that I have to say lol 2) I'd prefer to have a fuller version noted down, especially one that I can edit and keep coming back over and over again when ever I come up with something new.

Either way, I am still (lol) not a pro in music theory and music history as well. All that is written here are based on my very very basic knowledge on music as well as something that I've picked up (and discussed) with my friends after watching Op. 3.

What's the point of this?

Why is it important? Lol I always need this to keep myself from writing off-topic but anyways. Why do the music sound good (except for the fact that because it does lol), and what do they represent? Surely there must be, and there always are, other things that are implied not only through the lyrics but also the music, and the flow in general.

Apart from the lyrics and the lines, it's also quite interesting to have a close look at the music - melody and harmony itself - to see how they portray the stories.

Most importantly, the continuality. How did Morimyu manage to insert so many songs and still managing to connect them as a whole? And how did they use music to go beyond what's on the pages? That's the most important thing about musicals - beyond the pages. We don't see stage or anime doing so very often, as they mainly focus on what's already there, bringing them to life as close as possible to how we imagine things might happen.

As for musical, they have the music. They have the arias and the songs. At some point, a character starts singing, and other characters followed suit. They have their very unique way of expressing the plot, and they have the orchestra, the arias where characters get their solo song, and the duets between characters with strong relationships, and the ensemble which emphasizes the plot, and so on.

A funny thing about duets in classical opera, they're often meant to show lovers' relationship because of the harmony but can also use opposition and all to show enemies' relationship. And in SherLiam's duet it's just both of them at the same time - thoughts connected while engaging in a chase, a hide and seek game of mystery. We'll go into that later.

Back to the topic. Morimyu follows the main plot strictly, but also uses their advantage with music to add all the side details that wasn't told in the manga to create a "complete" view of the plot. It is always available for musicals to do something unexpected (like how we never expected Lestrade's puppet show to be a whole 5 mins long piece lol). And where they did that they added arias and duets, they allowed moments where characters express and developed their emotions as well as going with the plan (yes Albert yessss). Of course there's both a good and bad side to this all the while.

💛 The good thing is they went all the way to show us sides of emotions that we don't see much in the manga or stage, the sides of the story that all of them have kept hidden while focusing on their grand plan. 💛 But then it does get too emotional at some point, especially those who came for the plot and the mind games behind all of it (like me - although I won't deny that I had a lot of fun picking out all the emotions behind the music here lol).

Musicals can always go beyond what we knew. As for Morimyu, their music is heavily influenced by opera and classical music, and it's shown quite clear. There is live music playing (instead of the entire orchestra we have a violin and piano duet), and they have distinctive arias and recitatives throughout.

So thanks to that, it's also possible to use a reference from classical music to interpret their songs.

A Sonata formation - The Narrative Series of SherLiam

Yes, songs arranged and analysed with reference to a Sonata formation, especially in the way they progress through the play.

Some notes before getting into the point

1 - Sonata = a piece of music consisting of several movements - very often 3, sometimes 4. First movement-Allegro: With the quick tempo, introducing the theme of the entire Sonata Second movement-Adagio/Largo: Slow tempo, can be emotional sometimes, as well as leading more towards the final movement Third movement-Rondo Vivace: The ending, quick-paced and vigorous, leading the Sonata to a close. A Sonata always has a general theme, a topic. The theme that I chose to write about is Mystery - the Hide and Seek game between the Detective and Lord of Crime

2 - Aria and Recitative = different types of songs used in an opera Recitative: Lines within a song that happens like a real conversation, as the characters sing they are also talking to each other Aria: A solo section where everything else is a freeze frame, while one actor remains and sing their own song about their thoughts, feelings, etc. In this post we're mainly discussing the arias of Sherlock and Liam, and the duet between them. But there's also some mention of recitatives here and there.

3 - Videos used To make it easier to understand which songs I'm talking about, I also arranged them in piano. And also to have a listen at how they might connect. Just in case the videos beneath don't work (they didn't work on my phone), the three songs discussed are Nazo, Liam's solo, Kokoro no Rondo, all piano arrangements.

All of the songs noted in this section are arias and duets from Op. 3 - the Ghost of the Whitechapel. The additional "series" that Morimyu has added spreading throughout the play, Sherlock and Liam's narratives, which portrays both their emotions and the chase between the detective and the Lord of Crime.

First Movement - Allegro: Nazo(謎) song

Starting from Lestrade's exit after his puppetshow and proceed to the scene, Sherlock's aria introduces the theme of the imaginary hide and seek game that the Lord of Crime has started. The song repeats the word (mystery) over and over again with a continuous rhythm.

Ends with Sherlock just mumbling the word Nazo (mystery) and exiting the stage - no conclusions, just like a mystery that leads into further mysteries with no answer.

♛♛♛ In regards to a Sonata formation, this is the beginning of the entire piece. Quick in tempo, written in 3/4 time and introduces the theme of the entire piece - Mystery.

Uso ka Shinjitsu ka - Lie or Truth song

Starting after Sherlock learns the truth behind Jack the Ripper, wondering if Lord of Crime is a good person after all.

Now I had a really hard time thinking whether this piece should be included or not. For one, it's not an aria. It can be viewed as a Da capo Aria, a development section of the Nazo song, repeating the theme that is introduced, coming and going rather quickly. So, for continuality.

It also does not fit into the series as a whole, being 1) a recitative. The lyrics focus entirely on Sherlock's deduction and whether he should expose the truth or not, etc. so on. 2) The lines in here, unlike the other arias, are taken directly from the manga, so it's not entirely an 'added' element to this chase. 3) Also because if we compare this to a Sonata form, this doesn't really fit anywhere

However, among Sherlock's arias, this song can also be seen as an interesting development as I have mentioned above, so I've decided to have it here, still.

There's another thing about almost all of Sherlock's arias throughout the 2 stages - they never have a conclusive end. The detective's mind is always running, mysteries after mysteries.

Most of the other characters' songs ends with some kind of closing lines, and piano continues to conclude the piece with a strong end, and then goes on to start another piece. All of their problems in the songs are concluded. They made up their minds in some ways.

But Sherlock, his songs always end with him repeating the melody, a capella, and exiting the stage. Piano waits for him to exit, then starts a new song. Or in Op. 2's Mindgame case going straight into the next conversation. We never get to know how Sherlock's songs end, because they didn't really end at those points. There's a hanging sense of waiting for a resolution, a conclusion. Sherlock never seems to have his problems solved within the songs, they just go on and on.

An idea initiates, then something happens and he is once again in the dark. And he spins around within his own mind.

Screenshot from Op. 2. Even if we look back to his aria Mindgames from Op. 2, this song doesn't really have a conclusive ending as well. He just starts singing, the music stops and he starts shooting and going on, resuming the play. It kind of has been a thing for Sherlock's arias?

Second Movement - Adagio/Largo: Liam's solo

♛♛♛ The "second movement" - the 'slower' piece - of the series, Liam's aria lol but actually the piano part of this song isn't slow at all but ok. The other side of this hide and seek game. The "development" section of the sonata series, where we see things in a much more emotional way.

This aria is much richer in harmony and melody. Not only Liam's melody, but also the piano's part which plays a beautiful melody in harmony.

I recall an interview where the stage director mentions how the "orchestra" - piano and violin are representations for Liam and Sherlock. It kind of applies here, where his music is created mostly by piano.

There is modulation, emotions rising and elevating quickly and strongly. But the harmony is beautiful, overflowing and rich with emotions. The song repeats certain lines, emphasizing aspects within Liam's thoughts.

Unlike Sherlock's train of thoughts that circles with no destination, Liam's solo has a definite ending in harmony -> Even with all his emotions in mind, Liam still has a goal already set before him. He has a brief moment of slowing down, pausing and sung about his feeling, before resuming the story.

Leading us to the final stage - Kokoro no Rondo.

Third Movement - Rondo Vivace: Kokoro no Rondo

Rondo formation: Rondo is a type of dance that revolves around a pattern, often ABA, ABACA, or ABACABA - where A is the ritournello ("meguri - kimi ni omou - meguru kokoro no rondo" section) that is repeated over and over with B, C parts in between. Rondo can also be combined with sonata form - this case applies to this song which begins with a key other than the tonic (Fm) before resolving to the tonic key (Fm) to put an end to the entire sonata series. For reference purposes, the last movement of Beethoven's Pathetique or the very typical Fur Elise is also written in a similar format. I also referred to Pathetique quite a lot when brainstorming this post.

♛♛♛ The "final movement" of this Sonata, the final scene of their "Hide and Seek" game. The song's tempo is vibrant and rapid, combining with the dancing sense, all the while strictly following the structure of a Rondo as mentioned above.

This is the stage where Liam and Sherlock's line interacts and reply to each other, as if in a real conversation - just like how the connection between them are now much stronger than what they had before.

In the ritournello, we have Liam and Sherlock's lines intertwining and chasing after one another, emphasizing the "Hide and Seek" element between the two of them.

The song comes to a definite ending, concluding with a strong tonic (Fm) chord. At this stage, there is no more question to be left open, for Sherlock at this point has already made up his mind to take the next step into solving the mysteries regarding the Lord of Crime.

Their imaginary game of Hide and Seek is coming to an end, as Sherlock came to a decision to take the next step - going to Durham.

That's the end of my first draft.

So far that is some of my thoughts noted down right after watching Op. 3 stream a while ago, with some edition made just now.

On the side note, at some point during my discussion with a friend, we also came up with the idea that a Suite may be a better reference. A Suite consists of 4 parts and a prelude, each of them having their specific characteristic. But we didn't go all the way analysing that idea, as 1) we couldn't find a 5th piece that can be added into the series. 2) Even if we did, the Truth or Lie song still would not really fit into the "aria" vibe of this series, as mentioned above.

But then quite interestingly, after a while, I've found another interesting fact that should have been quite obvious but I've missed for (lol) like ages.

The game of Hide and Seek between the detective and the Lord of Crime has begun ever since after Hope's case - that being said, ever since the end of Op. 1

And what is it that we have in Op. 2? "The Mind games of the Lord of Crime". The one where Sherlock went maniac rapping about all the thoughts he has and end up shooting randomly into the wall.

At first it begins like another recitative, but in the later half, the harmony starts to become more harmonious, written in 3/4 time flowing like a dance.

In that section, the melody of the piano and violin part resembles the one we have in Kokoro no Rondo, the Ritournello section, only that the melody of the violin in Op. 2 and the melody that SherLiam sung in Op. 3 are kind of reversed.

Coincidence much?

So now we have a collection of songs from both Opus, it becomes tricky. How do we connect them? And what's the story?

At this point, all these recitatives, aria and duets all in the theme of the Hide and Seek game. And they all connect to each other through harmony, progressions in harmony.

We know that the Mind games of the Lord of Crime has begun from ever since the end of Op. 1. We know that Sherlock keeps wondering about that in Op. 2, and then he wonders even further after he has been tested by the Lord of Crime. "また俺だけのメッセージなのか?" - Is this a message just for me?, as he wondered in the Truth or Lie song. We knew all of that. But Morimyu didn't let that stop them from emphasizing on this subplot even further.

They didn't let the gap between Op. 2 and Op. 3 stop them from making a smooth flow in plot either.

Correction, they didn't simply create a flow. They established a connection, all the while showing a strong progression of Sherlock's thoughts that goes on from Op. 2 straight onto Op. 3.

Very often, what makes a good plot is how their plots and sub-plots intertwine with each other. Morimyu has a main plot that follows Moriarty gang in the plan of changing society. And they have a smaller plot told from Sherlock's side of things. And they have this sub-plot told by harmony of how Sherlock is connected to Liam, or the Lord of Crime, by an invisible thread. A connection that is only expressed that clearly in Morimyu.

We have so many things going on, so many songs throughout the play. But each of those elements are all connected to something else, creating a sub-plot that enriches the main plot.

There is no loose connections. For everything that connects to the main plot, they're also linked to other elements. Each scene and every song has their own meaning not only in regards to other songs, but also to the plot as a whole.

Also, did I mention how Morimyu feels like a grand piece of music?

Opus -> What classical songs had that basically shows the order in which they are written. Morimyu - a title piece itself - has 3 Opus, 3 different parts with the same theme.

Classical music very often had all the different elements in it -> Morimyu had an overture, the song they sing just before the main theme song, just before introducing the stage. Then arias, ensembles and choruses. All of them are connected by similar harmony.

Classical music always had a big general theme, with each section having a smaller sequence connecting to each other. Subplots within a big plots. A Sonata piece has 3 movements, each having their own "sections" of development - expositions, development, recapitulation. -> Morimyu does the same to their plot and subplots, as discussed above.

Also, Opera reference

While Opus 2 used an opera reference to tell the story, I feel like Opus 3 has become an Opera itself. During Op. 2 the arias were mostly very loyal to the manga, taking their lines from the original work, like the Mind Games song. Their story progresses steadily but logically.

However starting from Op. 3, the aria became more independent. They developed and expressed even further what wasn't said in the manga. For instance, the 3 songs mentioned in the "Sonata" above. And there's also Albert's solo, and Patterson's solo and Milverton, which I haven't got the chance to discuss all.

But either way, they spring out of the original story, adding more emotions and "colours" to the characters. The aria became more original, all the while also much more expressive. We get to see new sides of the characters that we haven't seen anywhere before.

Anyways, it's probably time to go back to the main question: How Morimyu used music to go beyond what's on the pages.

-> Musicals aren't simply about music added to acting. The characters on stage don't just simply starts singing for no reason. All the songs are meant to express something, and while they do they also establish various connections to the plot's progression.

We don't get to see much of the characters' emotions in the manga. And we don't see much of the side story, the finer details behind each arc. Every time, Morimyu adds something original to enrich their plot. They express and develop what's already known to all the viewers, especially regarding the emotional and motivational side of the characters.

-> The manga shows us the entire plot, with details related, back stories that lead to the present, and all. But it doesn't give a lot of hint into how characters might feel. Surely, reading between the lines, it's up to the readers to interpret them.

But Morimyu gives us all of that, and they leave it to us to read between the music.

And even if we didn't, that's fine. Then the purpose of all of them linking together would be to create a performance where everything is connected harmoniously, allowing us to be emerged in the world of Yuumori.

-> The purpose of having a stage, primarily, is to allow the audience to engage in, experience and feel the emotions along with the characters they see on stage. The point of having a live stage, a plot, and the music, are all to let us emphasize with the characters on stage.

In Morimyu, we aren't just watching a plot between our favourite characters happening as we know it from the manga. We see a combination of mysteries unveiling slowly, the stories on the side of each characters as they slowly progress forward, as well as emphasising with their emotions in the story.

That's what I really like about Morimyu.

So, WHAT'S THE POINT OF THIS?

So I had to scroll back to the top (lol) to quote this and make sure I haven't gone too far from the main theme.

Regarding musical Yuumori, there's always so many things I'd like to talk about. And if I start going on about it then it only gets harder to focus on one single topic.

Since the topic here is Morimyu and their music, especially in classical reference, I've tried to keep everything I've discussed relevant. But whenever I start on something, there would always be something that comes to mind. Like how other songs might also have certain connections, or how they used stage directions and lightings, etc. I really want to look more into stage directions in Morimyu as well, but that would have to wait...

Anyways, I tried to keep this as simple as possible. When I sent the first version of this to my friends, I keep having the feeling that I got too technical with all the theories about harmony and structure lol

And once again, this is only some of my own interpretation of the series that I've picked up.

If something else came to mind... well. Either way, for the purpose of engaging in their wonderful music or for the purpose of watching a beautiful stage just for enjoyment, Morimyu definitely is worth watching. And to watch over and over again. I've said this for Op. 2 but I'll say this ten times as much for Op. 3. Truly magnificent.

And, that's pretty much it that I have for today, I guess.

Thanks a lot to all my friends who gave me lots of inspiration and motivation to complete this ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ Lots of love to @rikaaki as well ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ

[hezuart]

That anaversary aizen looks absolutely fabulous, he looks like a figure skater xd.

I heard along time ago the last arc of the anime was being animated finally bc they pulled a 90s sailor moon were the last season was not either animated or dubbed untill decades later.

I recall near the end of the current 366 episodes there was an episode were the creapy demon ppl woke up in hell and we're all bitter, and there was the other guy who was like, iM cOmEiNg FoR u IChIgO, but then is never mentioned again after and I'm like,why? Why is lt there just plopted randomly into a different arc that seams unrelated.

And locking aizen up underground seems ok, but It deff won't hold, and he will. Escape, and he will kill, you either need that one spell from star, dubbed, the darkest spell of moon the undaunted, a powerfull dark spell that killed immortal beings, that came from best character, eclipsa, the queen of darkness.

We need that.

Or stick him I'm crystal like eclipsa was in star. Is there no one who could trap him in ice or crystal for all eternity.

How about throw him into the centre of a volcano trapped and caged , forverr being killed by heat?

I assume there's space travel, send I'm into a black whole, were a black whole don't fuckin care if your immortal or fat, you will die

:3

Yes, I love anniversary Aizen. His original octopus-butterfly hollow design was ugly so I'm glad he's back to being the fashion icon he is.

Locking Aizen up underground once is one thing, doing it twice after saying he got more powerful by just sitting there, and he escaped to battle the Quincy Soul King God... is another. I think he should have escaped at the end of the Quincy arc. That is the only feasibility.

I heard the anime is coming back for the Quincy arc as well, but because of COVID its probably going to be delayed. (I'm not gonna watch it until the Rain section of the arc then I'm dipping out. I'm only here for Zangetsu)

and funny that you mention that hell scene in the manga :)

-> spoilers for the new BLEACH 73 page anniversary chapter / thoughts/critique on it

So hey you had a premonition! Syazel .... returned? And his hole is outside of his body??? for some reason???

(I didn't understand the explanation or why / how that happens and what that means for the hollow)

And my friend and I were laughing because out of ALL the things. Kubo could do in this anniversary. He gave Syazel his dick back after going to hell. That is iconic. (that's where his hole was located, and now that its not on his body ... well...) This is the funniest thing Kubo has EVER pulled. Kudos to you, sir.

The entire internet is freaking out over Ukitake being in hell. Honestly Kubo has done far worse, and we've established that Soul Society is a corrupt system that hasn't changed, so I'm not surprised he would pull something like this.

At the same time, Kubo 1. cheated his audience. 2. continues to prove me right that he cannot bring himself to kill his characters

1. Hollows who have commit murder in their human life are sent to hell. Syazel and Aaorniero are two of these hollows, and yet, when they are killed, there is NO gates of hell scene. We see them there later in the hell chapter (which was more of a promotion for the fourth movie and I didn't believe it would hold any merit)

But the same goes for Ukitake. We never see the gates of hell take him. What, was hell late? Did hell's gates get lost like an uber before picking him up? It's bull. Withholding such vital information from your audience, not showing the gates of hell when they should pick up this soul IMMEDIATELY is ... I mean its a lie. Kubo lied to his audience.

2. Now we are told powerful shinigami are sent to hell when they die. First of all that sounds like a security threat. Wouldn't shinigami want revenge for that? Or attempt to escape? Why would they still hold loyalty after being sent to a prison of eternal suffering?

Also "Yhwach and Aizen" were the only ones keeping Hell's gates closed is way too convenient and doesn't really make any sense. I feel like Aizen should have deliberately gone to hell to retrieve powerful shinigami / hollows for his army instead of keeping it /closed/.

This is definitely a Kubo-doesn't-know-what-he's-doing-and-is -making- stuff-up-as-he-goes, but it might have a pinch of merit because of previous plot lines.... but either way, there's some big plot holes here, but again, its Kubo, so I expected nothing less.

Again, he can't kill off his characters. He introduced zombification, he introduced immortality through the hougyoku, he has Orihime and Hachigen's reversal / rejection abilities. He brought back Luppi, friggen.... a character who's entire upper half of his body was incinerated. Like.... come on. No. He's dead, you can't bring him back like that. That's a cop out and just weird. You're taking away consequences and grief.

(Also Yamamoto and Unohana deserve to be in hell far over Ukitake, they've done some fcked up stuff in their pasts unlike him)

Also Kubo's favorite character is Mayuri, which.... you're allowed to have a favorite problematic character. But Keeping said character alive and bared from the consequences of abusing his daughter, murdering innocents, and experimenting on your own squad members? Nah. Nope. Kill him, Kubo. Kill this dude.

(his weird attachment to Mayuri is probably why he keeps bringing Syazel back, since Syazel is Mayuri 2.0, but Syazel is the bad guy who does face consequences for his actions while Mayuri is not)

~

Also, I'm certain Kazui and Orihime are going to be THRILLED that their precious husband/dad is going to hell when he dies :)

(I just... Rukia teased Ichigo about leaving Orihime at home. She teased him about having a house wife who he leaves all the chores to. Orihime had two panels. She checks on her son who promised he would be at home and sleep. Kazui fcking breaks his promise like it never mattered to him and JUMPS out the window after pretending to sleep in front of his mother. ... An 8 year old... alone... in the middle of the night.)

Orihime is abandoned. She is not invited to SS, she is not informed of what is going on, her son leaves her.... I...

Orihime is a side character. She doesn't matter anymore. She hasn't mattered for a long, long time.

A part of me is glad she had little screen time, since she tends to waste it, but another part of me is embroiled with rage.

I've even see people try to defend this. "Orihime and Ichigo can't be together ALL the time, that's an unhealthy relationship!" and I'm like guys... that's not the point. The point is Orihime is not part of Ichigo's other life. Any shinigami stuff from now on is none of her business. She's going to stay at home while Kazui and Ichigo go off and save the world. Ichigo is going to be fighting by Rukia and Renji while Orihime watches from the sidelines, or worse, doesn't even know what is going on with her husband and son. Orihime is going to be uninformed and abandoned, because she has not proven she is capable of fighting by their sides(go on, @ me. I will fight this. She's a failure.), and also because she prefers a human life over a dead one. Which is ironic, because she married a dead man. Ichigo is a shinigami, and he will be one forever. god forbid she ever meets his Zanpaktou. She would tremble in fear at the monsters her husband harbors in his soul, especially when she realizes they don't care about her and would rather see her dead. (Zangetsu would absolutely kill Orihime. Not sure about Kazui, but Orihime has not accepted Zangetsu, she does not like either of them, and the feeling is assuredly mutual.) frick now I want to make a comic about this

Also still frustrated over Zangetsu's shikai / bankai regression. Kubo once again lied to his audience. Ichigo has no bankai. How ridiculous is that? The main character of BLEACH doesn't have a bankai. Insulting.

(RIP to Chad. He doesn't exist anymore. He's just gone. No mention, no cameo. Gone.)

Kazui is a demon child. That character from the novels? Hikone? They're the same character. Literally same personality, same power level. Its worse because Kazui is a liar. He constantly goes behind his parents' backs. He can summon creepy fish and creepy eyeballs and open portals like is ANYONE aware of this? How has SS not kidnapped Ichigo's son and experimented on him / locked away his powers yet? All substitute shinigami require a reiatsu controlling / spy badge to keep them in line. Where is Kazui's? Or is he just a weird fullbringer?

I was worried Kubo was gonna try and pull a knock off Boruto but luckily he kept the focus on Ichigo and the others. But that being said, Ichika and Kazui are now just... sort of there? Kazui was kinda just.... having his own adventure that doesn't matter to the plot at hand, and Ichika had some nice characterization at first but she just hid behind her dad the whole time.

I have a feeling Kazui is gonna step in at the last minute or do some major behind the scenes thing that indirectly interferes with the main plot so no one will realize how powerful and dangerous he actually is. Its sad because Ichika is the superior character in personality and likability, but she clearly is not going to have a bigger part in this.

Ichigo having a normal life after everything still feels extremely boring and uncomfortable to me. Everyone's like 'I'm still bLEACH!" but.... BLEACH just... doesn't feel like BLEACH anymore. It hasn't for a while now.

~~~

There's two new shinigami characters. Didn't care for the girl, but the Sign Language kid who talks to animals is adorable ... however... he just reminds me of Chad, and I just... it hurts knowing Chad has essentially been deleted. Chad and Orihime are officially benched. They have chosen the human world, and Orihime has given Ichigo his spawn so she has no more use/purpose to him anymore... ////sigh

~~~

Also. This is claimed to be a new "arc". So is the BLEACH manga coming back? What is happening. I thought Kubo was tired and didn't want to do BLEACH anymore. I thought Shounen Jump cut him off. People made so many excuses for Kubo and why the past two arcs have been so badly written the past 6 years and now almost everything they've attempted to defend him with has been revoked.

BLEACH is going to continue to screw up its plot lines and characters, so Its probably best for it to stay dead but I've seen a lot of Kubo stans drooling over this content, they're desperate for BLEACH's return, but its already given out all its possible revelations. There's really nothing else to top here. It's just going to make things up as it goes along ,and I'm not really here for half-assed writing like that, especially since the damage of rushing the previous manga has already been done. Kubo and Shounen Jump are riding off a money nostalgia. None of this was planned.

Honestly though.... overall feeling of this chapter, not as bad as it could have been.

Syazel stole the spotlight, and he's my friend's favorite character, so that's all that really matters.

[labrador-entity]

Ok so, University tips from someone who is now a seasoned student (as in, I've gone back to uni again and it's really funny watching the new students be so worried while im just. weirdly chill):

- join at least one society. preferably more than one. Join one for the whole of uni, or join it for a day, join halfway through the year, join something relevant, something totally irrelevant, something you're shit at, join several in succession, whatever. Just get a fair amount of society-going, esp in the first couple years.

- Filled pasta (+ a bit of cheese) can be your friend when you want lots of something cheap and easy that might have different fillings. Lasagne and other similar stuff is great for batch-food making you can stick in the fridge or freezer and have later.

- Go to as much that is merely suggested as possible, look for stuff that's relevant to you like guest lectures or events. People will not chase you up personally on your attendance but it's genuinely worth (a) getting the full timetabled attendance and (b) going to stuff thats just. generally recommended. You might realise later that someone with important to say visited last year and you missed them bc you didn't see the email or didn't get why they might be helpful and that will likely annoy you.

- pop in to the library and have a little browse before you actually need anything. make it a space you are familiar with and like going. find a nice spot or two to sit at. try to read some stuff on your recommended reading list and some stuff in the general section of the topic, if you can. just casually. a little reading of some book you randomly picked out and read like two paragraphs of can help you later in ways you didn't expect. Also try printing before you need it as sometimes they can be a goddamn pain and sometimes they have systems that are worth looking into like emailing stuff to print out.

- ask questions even if they feel silly/dumb. Good tutors - so hopefully, most of yours - absolutely LOVE questions, bc they point out what they haven't explained well and could do with clarifying, or bc they're excited to talk about their topic. Typically lecturers are very knowledgable about their topic but might have limited teaching skill and can do with chasing up if they haven't explained something in a way you understand. Its so awkward to do but i Swear it's worth it. If you really really can't do it, sit next to a loudmouth (affectionate) who'll act as a loudspeaker and ask your questions for you. Also, even if you have asked questions, do have a chat with them after a lecture if you can, lecturers usually don't see themselves as teachers and likely enjoy the informality. It's worth finding a tutor you can chat with.

- don't commit to something for the sake of committing, but do really try to find something you can commit to. There's nothing wrong with realising something isn't for you, whether that's a course, or the specific university, or even uni entirely; you don't want to give in to sunk cost fallacy. However, if it is worth your time and continues to feel like something you can do for a while yet, it's worth genuinely committing to rather than getting by/coasting.

- you'll come across a whole bunch of cultures and stuff that isn't your jam. Be comfortable telling people when you don't want something, and try to distinguish between whether you don't want something cause it's wrong and whether it's just not what works for you personally.

- some courses ask you to buy or pay for a bunch of shit. ask older students or professors whether (1) you actually need All That and (2) there's a way to get it cheap/free. Or ask the library, if it's a book or resource.

- please for the love of god, learn time management and get to sleep. If you have something due in 5 months, break it into stages and do it bit-by-bit, allocating an hour or whatever in your diary a week. If you Really Have run out of time, and you've not made the word count, you're better off going to sleep early and then waking up early to work on it; my rule is, anything done between midnight and 5am is just straight up not worth doing. My classmates go "ooooh that's a nice idea but in practicality...." NO. What's that work worth, when you're going at half the speed and double the mistakes, overestimating yourself because we're terrible at judging how well we're doing when we're tired, going to contribute to your overall score? 1 mark more? 3 marks? Is that likely to take you from one grade boundary to the next? Probably not. You'll do it better in half the time if you do it in the morning, as shit as that will feel. Love yourself and try to consistently work 9-5, doing your homework and reading when you've not got anything scheduled. Some kids will brag about how little they've slept in order to do the work, how late they stayed up, that theyve slept 3 hours in 3 days, and I am not exaggerating when I say that's self-harm and also stupid.

Any tips for anyone starting uni this fall? Im also gonna be a history student. Im rlly scared 🥲🥲

good luck!!! I go to an. unconventional university but imo write down everything, even stuff you dont think are "that important", and highlight all the titles/names so you could find them easily later. youre gonna be writing a LOT so get comfortable w the sound of ur own writing. good luck again!

[scripttorture]

One of the central characters in a fantasy story I'm writing has torture as part of her backstory. She was captured by an evil race, and one individual in particular put her through a "training" regime designed to turn her into a useful/trustworthy slave. Specifically the goals of the training were:

- destroy her sense of self / agency

- overwrite her ingrained response of healing herself when injured (she has magical healing powers)

- an affectionate or worshipful disposition towards her captors

- immediate obedience to any command

I feel like both physical and psychological torture / mental conditioning are probably appropriate, though I'm leaning away from including sexual abuse. I honestly don't know much about torture at all and the only things that come to mind as producing a result similar to what I'm looking for are the Game of Thrones torture sequence and the use of obdience collars in the Codex Alera book series. The latter is very interesting to me because it is a magical device that inflicts pain in reaction to disobedience but also inflicts pleasure to reward obedience.

I guess I'm just wondering if you have any advice for what kinds of methods would be good to include in a process designed to produce obedience, rather than torture for its own sake or to extract information, as well as if there are any common pitfalls I should try to avoid in writing about such a thing.

The training itself won't be in the book, but I need to be familiar with it for backstory purposes because later in the story this character encounters her torturer again, and is subjected to some further abuse before she finally overcomes her fear and kills him.

Alright well I’m going to be straight up with you: the scenario you’ve presented is a very common torture apologist trope. It’s incredibly unrealistic. And it’s unrealistic in ways that support torture by claiming it can be ‘useful’.

 Which probably means that you’re new to the blog and haven’t heard me give this talk before. That’s OK, we all learn sometime and it’s not my intention to shame you for the fact you’re not as obsessed with this stuff as I am or couldn’t afford to shell out for the books.

 Torture does not produce obedience. The best evidence we have right now suggests it encourages active resistance.

 If you got a lot of your inspiration from Game of Thrones then frankly I’m not surprised you came up with apologia. The torture in that series is incredibly badly handled. And a big part of the point of running this blog is that most people are getting their information on torture from shows like that. Which happens because the research is inaccessible and hasn’t been popularised the way fictional tropes (sometimes fictional tropes literally started by torturers) have been popularised.

 The important thing is what you choose to do now.

 I’m going to break down the problems here and make some suggestions for what you could do instead.

 Firstly: there is no torture or abuse that will guarantee obedience. Pain does not make people meek or compliant or willing to follow commands.

 Torture survivors are not broken.

 They are not ‘controlled’ by their torturers and the suggestion that they are is used in the real world to bar real survivors from treatment. It is also used to bar them from entering safe countries and to argue that they shouldn’t be allowed visas or passports.

 The best statistics we have for any sort of compliance under torture come from analysis of historical French data where torture was used to try and force confessions (something we know torture can sometimes do).

 The ‘success’ rate averaged at 10%. Under torture 90% of people will not comply long enough to sign their name.

 Secondly: torture does not and can not ‘make’ a victim feel ‘worshipful’ towards their torturer. The suggestion is kind of like asking if someone can tap dance immediately after removing the bones from their legs.

 Torturers have no control over a victim’s emotions. They have no control over their symptoms. They have no control over their beliefs.

 And there is no such thing as a torture that can change someone’s mind in a way torturers can control.

 Once again, this fictional trope is used by politicians and the media to justify marginalising real torture survivors.

 I have read hundreds, possibly thousands, of accounts from torture survivors. I’ve read historic and modern accounts. I’ve read accounts from all sort of people from all over the globe. I have never seen a survivor say anything positive about their torturers. I have never seen anything close to toleration.

 A lot of survivors are blisteringly angry at their torturers. A lot of them feel overwhelming levels of spite and some report literally putting themselves at risk of death in order to spite their torturers. And yes, a lot of them are afraid too. None of these emotions are mutually exclusive.

 Affection is impossible. We are not wired that way.

 Thirdly: I understand that ‘evil races’ are a long standing fantasy trope but it would be remiss of me if I didn’t mention the racism inherent in that idea. That some people are ‘born bad’.

 I’d strongly suggest you look up the Black, Indian and First Nations people that I know are on this site critiquing these kinds of fantasy tropes. Because they will be able to explain it better then I can.

 Fourthly: the term ‘psychological torture’ is a pretty common dog whistle for torture apologia.

 Most of the time tortures that people dub ‘psychological’ are things with real, physical effects that lead to lasting injury and death. They just don’t tend to leave obvious external scars. I use Rejali’s term ‘clean torture’ for these techniques. Researchers distinguish them from scarring tortures because they are harder to detect and prove in court.

 The majority of survivors today will have experienced clean torture. They will have no obvious physical scars. But they will still be disabled. They’re ‘just’ less likely to see any form of justice for it.

 Fifthly: torture is a terrible training method because it decreases a person’s ability to learn.

 Torture causes memory problems. It also often causes lasting physical injuries that make performing basic tasks more difficult. And it causes a lot of serious psychological problems which make performing basic tasks more difficult.

 A trained person who was never tortured will always out perform someone whose training involved torture.

 I probably sound quite angry here.

 I write fantasy and I also write about torture a lot. But I can’t imagine that it’s just flavour for a fantasy world or some artefact of the past. Torture is a real, present threat in the country that I grew up in. If I was to return now I could, literally, be tortured and executed.

 If you want to include torture in your world, in your story then you are committing to telling someone else’s story. You are representing an incredibly marginalised group of people and you are presenting that representation to a third group, one that has never had contact with real torture survivors.

 Are you comfortable with the idea of telling your peers that survivors are still controlled by ‘the enemy’? That they’re passive? That they don’t have the capacity to make their own decisions?

 Are you comfortable knowing that the popularity of this message keeps millions of genocide survivors in refugee camps, blocked from citizenship, aid and safety?

 I understand feeling attached to a story and a character. And I understand that this information is hard to find. Hell I’m probably going to end up with the only English copy of one of the pivotal textbooks because I’m shelling out to get it translated.

 You say you want to write a torture survivor. With respect I don’t think you know what a torture survivor looks like.

 I think the most helpful, and kindest, thing I can do here is describe what torture does to people. Because I can’t tell you whether that’s something you want to write. I could try and rebuild this scenario for you (and if you decide you’re interested in that after reading all of this and all the links then I suggest looking through the blog tags for ICURE, torture as training, Black Widow and Overwatch.) But I think you need to decide whether you actually want to write a torture survivor first.

 Here’s a post on the most common torture apologia tropes.

 Here’s the post on the types of memory problems torture commonly causes. I strongly recommend picking at least one.

 Remember that this would never go away. Improvement and recovery in torture survivors means learning to live with symptoms. The symptoms themselves are permanent.

 It’s a hundred different alarms set up on their phone to try and make up for the forgetfulness that makes them miss appointments. It’s the little bottle of perfume in their pocket to bring themselves back to reality when they get intrusive memories at work.

 Here’s a post on the other common symptoms.

 You want something in the range of 3-5 of those, though more are likely if your character is held for years. Each of them should be severe. Every single symptom should have a large, negative, impact on the character’s daily life.

 Do you know anyone with chronic pain? It warps their world. Work can become impossible. Basic household tasks like getting dressed, cooking, cleaning the dishes are done through gritted teeth or not at all. Hobbies and ‘fun’ activities dwindle as they struggle to find a way to do them that doesn’t hurt. Interaction with other people, even loved ones, can easily become barbed.

 Because the pain makes everything more difficult. It means everything takes more energy, more effort. Which means that things fall by the wayside, whether that’s by a pile of mouldering dishes in the sink or snapping at a child. It means tears and the social judgement that follows them. It means the world narrowing as it gets harder to go out.

 Do you see what I mean? Every part of life.

 That’s an example for one symptom. You need to work out at least four. Then figure out how they interact. Then figure out what the character can do to make her life better.

 With chronic pain that can mean painkillers but it’s always more then that. It’s re-learning how to do things; how to put on trousers without aggravating the bad knee, how to sew with one hand. It means learning to cut down on what they do and it means learning a new sort of flexibility; accepting that there are days when the pain is too much.

 It can mean having the same conversation about disability over and over again. With family, with friends, with colleagues. ‘I can’t do that.’ ‘I can do that sometimes but not always.’ ‘That will hurt me.’ ‘I can’t use that chair.’ ‘I can’t get my arms that high above my shoulders.’ ‘I need help with this.’

 And that sometimes means learning a kind of patience that is really barely held back rage. Or perhaps I’m projecting a little with this last one.

 If you’ve never met a torture survivor, if you’ve never looked at a survivor’s work, then all this is difficult. You’re trying to imagine something from first principals with nothing to fall back on.

 So let’s bring some survivors into the discussion here. Some reality.

 Who’s listened to Fela? How about Bobi Wine?

 Fela Kuti was the father of modern Afro beats music. He was tortured multiple times and during one attack, which destroyed his home, his mother was murdered by the military. When he got out of jail Fela marched her funeral procession past the biggest barracks in Nigeria’s biggest city. He wrote two songs about this attack and he doubled down on his opposition to the military government.

 Fela’s music started causing riots.

 You can read what I have to say about him here. You can listen to his music on youtube.

 Here’s an interview with Bobi Wine, which was conducted shortly after he was tortured in Uganda. He talked about how he was determined to go back and continue fighting. Which he did. He even ran against the president.

 I’ve also got a short piece on Searle who was a cartoonist captured by the Japanese during World War 2. His drawings of what happened in To the Kwai and Back are worth seeing. Especially if you want to write atrocities on this scale. They will show you the scale and how to focus on the small, human elements despite that overwhelming scale.

 Alleg’s The Question is pretty much a must, it’s one of the most thorough accounts from the Franco-Algerian war.

 Monroe’s A Darkling Plain is also a must, it’s a series of interviews with survivors of various different conflicts and atrocities. Some are torture survivors. Some are not. It is essential reading because it shows the variety in survivors as well as giving a sense of their lives beyond the symptoms.

 Finally Amnesty International has literally hundreds of interviews and studies available for free online.

 The most important decision for any story with regards to torture is whether it should be there at all.

 So much of this topic is intimidating and so much of it is difficult to write. Not just in the ‘oh this is horribly effecting’ sense but in the ‘I have twelve things to juggle in this simple scene’ sense.

 Ask yourself what torture adds to this character and this story. What does this backstory actually give this character?

 Because if the point is to have her vulnerable and then ultimately triumphing violently over her attackers I don’t think you want a torture scenario. You could get the same thing from a bad guy trying to drug her and having the kidnapping fail when she fights him off, clumsy but effective nonetheless.

 And she could still come out of something like that traumatised.

 Right now I really don’t see this adding anything but torture apologia to your story.

 Handling torture well in a story means accepting that it can’t be the same story without it. It means watching the characters and narrative warp under the weight of it. It means lasting effects, for all the characters and for the world itself.

 I believe you are capable of writing that if you want to, pet. But this ain’t it.

Edit: I’m having trouble seeing the beginning of the answer here. Can anyone let me know if there are formatting issues again please? The first word in the htmal is ‘Alright’ but what I’m seeing on tumblr starts 8 paragraphs in.

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[julyarchives]

Among Flowers || (M)

If you had to pick a favorite place on earth, it would be your boyfriend’s flower shop. A new relationship can come with a few insecurities, but nothing that would be a problem for you and Hyunggu

→ Pairing: Hyunggu (Kino) x Female Reader

→ Genre: Smut and fluff.

→ Words:  1.7K

→ Contains: fresh established relationship; florist!Kino; sentimental smut.

→ A/n: Thank you for the sweet anon who left us this request, soft kino is everything <3 We had a great time writing this story, so we hope you guys like it!

If you had to pick a favorite place on earth, it would be your boyfriend’s flower shop. It was a small business, but for you, it was heaven on earth. Hyunggu always put so much passion into his work, always treated every client with attention and kindness, you could simply watch him work all day long and not get tired. You two have been dating for just a little longer than a couple of months and yet you already loved to visit him at work.

That’s why you were excited when he asked if you could help close up the shop - which was just an excuse to spend time together, and you both knew that very well.

As soon as you stepped in, the flowery smells that invaded your nostrils brought a smile to your face, which mirrored the pink-haired boy’s when he saw you coming in.

“Hey, there, beautiful” He stepped out of the counter and hugged your waist, kissing your cheek.

"Hello" you answered shyly, your hands immediately went to hold yourself against his shoulders, this type of action already very familiar.

What you still didn't get used to is eye contact. Kino looked at you always so dearly, deep into your eyes, and every time it happened butterflies danced around your stomach. He always makes you feel special, just by looking at you the way he does.

Closing up was a quick task, so not 10 minutes later you two were just hanging out around the flowers.

"These daisies are new" you pointed at the vases filled with beautiful white blooming flowers, and you were always curious for him to tell you more about his plants, which he does very passionately every time. "They weren't here last week"

'They are Shasta daisies, they are just in season now, so you'll see them around a lot." He explained

"That's good, they are so pretty" you watched the delicate petals closely, holding yourself back to not touch them.

"You think so?" He asked amusedly "they are my favorites."

You looked at him, who had the sweetest smile on his face.

"You have an amazing taste. You're the best florist I've ever met" you praised him, followed by a peck on his lips.

He stared at you again, putting a strand of hair behind your ears, always so tenderly.

"You're too good for me." He whispered and kissed you again.

You couldn't help but smile, the feeling of being cherished overwhelmed you.

The night was pleasant, Hyunggu ordered food and you two had a nice simple dinner in the back room, the best part was just being able to enjoy each other's company.

"So, I have something to tell you. " he said, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"What is it?' You tilted your head in curiosity

"I've had this planned for myself for a long time, but I don't know how you'll feel about it."

You heard him patiently, waiting just to see what was his point, a little bit nervous yourself for not knowing when to expect.

"That's why I called you here, actually, to show it to you in person. I understand if that's not something you approve and it's a deal-breaker, but-"

"Baby" you interrupted "I highly doubt anything about you is a deal-breaker, so just quit making me curious, and please show me" you said jokingly.

"Okay," he chuckled "but please be honest about it, ok?"

You nodded. You watched him carefully pull up the sleeve of his button-up shirt, exposing a few freshly done tattoos, probably done earlier that day, or maybe the day before.

You could see daisies, just like the ones you pointed earlier, and the word "florist".

"Oh my God' your eyes widened, not expecting that at all "they are beautiful!'

Hyunggu exhale loudly

'Thank god, I was so scared you weren't gonna like it"

"Of course I like it, they are so perfect for you!" You giggled, finding his concern rather endearing. "The way you said sounded like you were going to tell me you're a drug dealer or something"

His loud laugh filled the room

"I just love your creativity" he said, embracing you again, his arms strongly wrapped around your waist

"I told you, nothing about you could be a deal-breaker, you're too good." You reassured him, gently cupping his face and caressing his cheek with your thumb

"I'm so lucky that I've found you" he leaned and pressed your foreheads together, just basking in your presence.

You tiptoed, pushing yourself closer to him, and planted a kiss on his lips, to which he hummed in satisfaction. He deepened the kiss with sure in his movements, pulling you closer against him and flushing your chests together.

without breaking the contact, Hyunggu backed you up until you reached the table where he makes the arrangements, where you let him help you sit on, gaining height advantage towards him. Your hands rummaged through his hair while he grabbed your thighs with want.

"Are you sure this is a good place for that?" You broke the kiss, chest already rising up and down fast from the heated action. "Don't wanna break anything in here"

"It's fine, baby" he trailed open mouth kisses down your neck, and you quickly forgot any worry.

Taking the chance, you took off his shirt, and his hands started exploring under yours, breaking the kiss just to take it off of you.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, nibbling your earlobe, "so good to me"

"Hyunggu" his name rolled out of your tongue with a small whimper as his hands squeezed your breasts.

Your hands traveled down his back, cupping his ass, pulling him closer as you rolled your hips against his. Hyunggu skillfully unhooked your bra and was quick to remove it, now catching your nipple in between his lips, swirling his tongue around it.

The touches were now more urgent, both of you not having enough of each other, and you grabbed his semi-hard member under his jeans, palming it gently and teasingly. He hissed against your skin, gripping harder the other breast and showing you he was enjoying it.

You laid your back against the table, and Hyunggu pulled down both your pants and his' after fishing a condom out of his pocket.

"I just hope we don't break your table" you giggled, watching him pump himself before unrolling the rubber down his member

"It wouldn't be the worst" he opened a smirk full of mischief

Hyunggu climbed up the table and positioned himself on top of you, gasping when he finally entered you. He kissed you tenderly, letting you adjust to his size with patience. When you were finally ready you bucked your hips, and the sounds of pleasure that he let out against your lips was the hottest sound you have ever heard.

He finally started moving, bodies flushed together and his forehead rested against yours, and you hooked your legs around his hips, allowing him to go deeper inside you.

Watching him as he supported his body up, looking so sexy, biting his lips and moaning loud enough just for you was a show itself.

You reached your hand to his face, touching his soft cheeks, and he turned it to kiss your palm. He looked at you, the way only he did like he was worshipping you, like there was never going to be someone else he would look the same, and you knew that you could trust the sincerity you saw in it. You were in love with him and that was that.

It was then that Hyunggu angled his hips just right, hitting the perfect spot inside you, and the loud moan that escaped you was your tell. He smirked at the reactions he was getting from you. You touched your clit to help build up your pleasure and by now you were a whimpering mess.

"I'm so close, Hyunggu." You cried, clenching yourself around him

"Let go, baby. Let me see how good you look when I make you cum." His voice came out husky and seductive, pushing your right buttons.

You grabbed his nape, curling your fingers around his hair, and soon you were exploding with jolts of pleasure, noises now uncontrollably leaving you, all you could focus on was him and how good he made you feel. You clenched harder, bringing him to his edge as well, riding it off as he pleased.

He collapsed next to you and you two just spent time cuddling up to each other and kissing in silence. After a while, you two just pulled yourselves back together and cleaned around a little, getting rid of any traces of what happened, since it was still a shop and he had to open it in the morning, but in the end, you two just went back to cuddling like you were before, neither one of you rushing to leave.

"There are some flower petals on your hair" Hyunggu giggled.

You leaned your head on his chest and you realized that you could see his tattoo really close to your face as he picked your hair around for loose petals.

When he rested his arm on his stomach, you couldn't help but reach a finger and trace the flower design around.

"I can't believe you thought I'd break up with you because of a tattoo" you chuckled

"I just don't want to lose you ever." he said before kissing the top of your head.

You were surprised by his confession. The relationship was so new to you, but what you felt for him was so strong, and his words gave you the reassurance that he felt the same.

Being in silence, just the two of you, surrounded by the smell of earth, wood, and flowers - and his perfume - you've never been so sure about your feelings before like you are right now.

'Hyunggu, I…" you choked on the words, thinking again that it might be a bad idea and scare him off.

But he knew what you wanted to say. He knew because inside of him it was the same butterflies dancing around every time he looked at you. He caressed your hair to comfort you.

"Me too, Y/N." He whispered against your lips after softly kissing it.

Feeling grateful that you two could always understand each other beyond words, you were showered with comfort and happiness that you were lucky enough to have found love 2 months ago when you stepped into the most beautiful flower shop you've ever seen, not having a clue that it held for you the most precious person in your life.

[devinescribe]

Innocence

Niragi Suguru × Reader

So, this is something I was very excited to receive a request about!

(Yall... please, the most adorable thing I've ever been requested to write-)

I absolutely loved the idea, as it's something I go through, and a few of my friends go through, although it might be a little different. (My friends as well as I  (ooh, exposing myself) have a little space(different from a sub space. It's age regression and not at all sexual or wrong. It's totally OK to do this) , and I usually take care of them and they take care of me through it, so I get the panic attacks and drops! What this person requested is probably quite different from that, so It's not the exact same thing. Also, keep in mind, everyone expiriences panic attacks differently, I'm going off of my personal experience with them.

Warnings: past trauma, panic attacks, swearing, mentions of death, blood, let me know if I missed any!

You had been put into this world. A desolate one. It looked like your home of Tokyo, but it wasn't. There weren't  any people, and it was empty. It was like a giant prison... except bigger. In your opinion, it was a prison, and no one was around to judge you, so it was. You had been quite scared waking up, not knowing what was going on. Wandering around the new Tokyo, you felt a feeling of dread. You were alone. How you hated being alone.

At night, however, things changed. One of the advertisement boards in the middle of Tokyo lit up, pointing towards a place and the words 'way to the game arena' sprawled across it. You just followed the light up sign, and ended up at a skating rink.

Your eyes lit up at the sight. There were pretty colors, flashing lights, and popular music was playing in the background. You swayed on your heels, back and forth, unsure of what to do next before seeing a table with phones. On the same table was a sign that read 'One for each player.' What did they mean by player? You didn't know. You picked up a phone, and it turned on. The screen read something about facial recognition. You stared in awe at it, thinking it was cool. You were so immersed with the phone, you didn't notice other people come in. When you did, you were a bit intimidated. You didn't know why you were here. It dawned on you in a moment, and you started to fidget with the edge of your skirt. You saw two people who looked nicer than the rest, and decided to aproach them.

"Hi! Um... I'm sorry to bother you,  but do you know what's going on? I just woke up here..." you explained, looking at them. It was a boy and a girl. The girl had short, dark hair, and was wearing black spandex with a colorful pullover that was unzipped a bit to where you could see the black sports bra under. She was so pretty in your eyes. The boy had dark hair, his bangs falling into his face. He was wearing a t-shirt, and shorts. They looked at each other, and back to you. "It's a game," the girl said. You smiled. "A game? I like games what kind of game?" You asked. "It's not... it's not normal games. They're more difficult... and dangerous," the boy explained. You were confused. "My name is (Y/N). What's your's?" You asked. "I'm Arisu and this is Usagi," he introduced. "I like your names," you said cheerfully. The phone pinged, and you jumped slightly.

'Registration closed. 8 players. Difficulty 4 of spades. Game 'Roll Away'. All players will put on the roller skates. They can't be taken off once put on. There will be different challenges in the rink. It might be dodging something, getting chased by something, or other obstacles. Clear Condition: You can not take off the roller skates through the duration of the game. Doing that will result in immediate death. The way to win is to dodge the object or things and pass the challenges. Game start in 10 minutes' (this is the dumbest game concept I've come up with, I apologize in advance)

"Here, stick with us, and we'll try to make sure you don't get hurt, alright?" Usagi said, placing her hand on your shoulder. "Ok! Thank you Usagi-Chan! Thank you Arisu-Kun!" You chirped, bowing your head in gratitude. They smiled to eachother, one thought clear and present in their heads. They had to protect you. Something they didn't say about a lot of people, but something was different about you.

That's how they took you to the beach. At first, you were scared. You didn't know anyone there, there was people staring at you, and there were some that had weapons. Your eyes had so much to focus on, and it was so overwhelming. Your first thought was to focus on something shiny. You liked shiny things. The problem was, there was to many shiny things to focus on. The windows, guns, swords, accents on the wall, hell, everything might as well been shiny. You stayed still, sitting up as straight as you could, playing with the sleeves of the sweatshirt you had on. "So she's basically useless?" One of the people there said. You frowned at the words. "No, no, she's very capable. I think she'd do well in club games. And she doesn't require a high rank right now. Just for a her to be safe," Arisu said, protecting your from their words. "Alright. Just inform her of everything. Niragi, why don't you take her to get a wristband and to her room?" The man, who you had learned to be Hatter suggested, although he knew it was a command. Usagi gripped onto your shoulder softly. "I'll go with. Just because I feel she is my responsibility as well," Usagi said. In reality, she was worried of what he'd do to you. She didn't trust Niragi, and from the short amount of time she had known you, noticed you to be more trusting and innocent than most. You smiled widely, and looked up at Usagi. "Let's go then."

You walked in the middle of both people. Usagi, looking forward most of the time, holding your hand to guide you around, and Niragi. That's what Hatter had called him anyways. He was rather tall, longish hair with half tied back. He had piercing on his nose and brow. Shiny pieces of metal which you found yourself staring at constantly. There was a gun slung over his shoulder, which scared you. "Here we are," he said, opening the door to what you assumed to be a storage room. He handed you a bracelet. You played with the stretchy cord, stretching out and back in, being entertained by it. Usagi grabbed your hand, and gently slid it on. "Don't take it off, ok?" She said softly. You nodded. "What is she? A damn kid?" Niragi scoffed. "No. Be nice. People have different situations, and you have no right to judge," Usagi repremanded him, her tone strong. He rolled his eyes. "Ok, there's three rules at the Beach. 1, you have to wear a bathing suit, 2 all card go to Hatter, 3 death to the traitors," he said. "Mmm... death? What do you mean by that?" You asked. You knew what death was, you just wanted to make sure he wasn't threatening you. "Death means death. We catch you planning to leave, or keeping your cards, you die. Simple as that," Niragi stated. "Ah... oki! Usagi-Chan, I think I'll be ok with out you for now. Thank you!" You chirped. Usagi shook her head. "I'm not leaving you alone with him," she stated, glaring at him. You felt hands grab your waist, and pull you back. It was Niragi. For whatever reason, you felt safe. He was bigger than you, and most likely stronger, and it made you feel safe. You shrunk into him, liking the feeling. "Yeah, Usagi-Chan... Let her have fun," he mocked, sticking out his tongue. Usagi could hear the hidden meaning behind his words. But, to her surprise, you didn't. Were you that innocent? "I'll be fine. Tell Arisu-Kun thank you again for me though... You guys really helped me through that game," you smiled. Usagi nodded her head, and against her better judgement, left. "Ok, just you and me now sweetheart," Niragi sighed, leading you around. You rushed to catch up with him, and grabbed his hand. He flinched, pulling his hand away. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" He asked, scrunching his face in disgust at the contact. " 'M sorry... Didn't want to get lost. I don't like being alone," you apologized, looking down, and swinging your leg back and forth. 'Damn it... She's cute... NOnononono, backtrack, hold up, not cute. She's fucking annoying. There we go. That sounds better. Not at all cute. Annoying.' He sighed, remembering the way Usagi had spoken to you, "It's fine. Just don't go doing that, ok?"  You nodded excitedly, walking besides him.

"Ok, and this room is the one Hatter told me to take you to. The two people you were with live on the next floor up. No I don't know what room, neither do I care. They'll tell you, most likely. Bye," he said after leading you to your room door. "Niragi... thank you!" You said, smiling. "What?" He questioned, turning around to face you. "Thank you. Really, I would have gotten lost without you. I hope to see you soon!" You repeated, skipping into your room. He stared at the spot you just stood in, in shock. 'She's odd. But interesting. Is her innocence an act? Or is she just like that?' He thought as he walked off. You hadn't made any sort of shy or disgusted expressions when he talked to you. Especially when he used more risqué remarks. You just smiled or laughed as if you didn't understand the meaning behind his words. You were definitely interesting to say the least.

"We're really sorry we couldn't find another one for you... It's just the rules here, ok?" Arisu apologized. They had to find a swimsuit for you to wear, and they had found a white one. It wasn't horrible, just showed a lot. "You're allowed to wear a cover up though. Or like a sweater," Usage suggested. You nodded, rushing to the bathroom where you had changed. You grabbed the fluffy zip up hoodie you had on before you changed. You slipped it on over your body, and smiled. "Much better," you chirped. They laughed slightly. Arisu couldn't help but feel warm and fuzzy when you were around. Not in a romantic way, but more in a protective way. He didn't want anyone to harm you. Usagi felt the same. "Can I go walk around?" You asked, playing with your hair. They nodded. " You don't have to ask for permission. You can do what you want," Usagi said. You nodded, saying goodbye, and leaving the room.

You hummed as you walked around, looking at all the people walking around. You nodded your head to whatever rythym was going on in your head. There were so many things to focus on, it felt like your head was going to explode. You shut your eyes for a bit and kept walking. Bad idea.

"Oi, you damn brat! Watch where you're going!" Someone shouted at you. You had bumped into them, falling to the ground. " 'M sorry! Didn't mean to!" You squeaked out. You heard them laugh, and you opened your eyes. "Whatever. And stop talking like that. What are you? A ba-" they were cut off by a snicker. "Really? You have the right to say that?" You recognized the voice from earlier. It was Niragi. You looked up to see Niragi pointing his gun at the people bothering you. "What? She talks like a fucking baby. And acts like one. Is she your little play thing?" The person taunted. Niragi scowled. "I'm only letting you go right now because Aguni doesn't let us kill in front of others. Be glad I'm letting you off right now," Niragi threatened. They all rushed away, seeing as their bravery was only for show. Niragi looked down to you on the floor. "You good?" He asked. You nodded, getting yourself off the floor. "Thank you once again, Niragi," you said, your attention on the floor. He couldn't help but notice your nature. You were innocent, childish, and playful. So different from all the other girls here. It was annoying, but also... cute. He was so lost in thought, he almost didn't feel you standing next to him and grabbing his arm. "What are you doing? We talked about this," he stated, trying to pull his arm away, watching as you nuzzled into him. "You're warm... and I like this feeling... I don't know what it is, but it's nice," you muttered. He pulled you around, back to his room, ignoring the stares he was getting.

He opened the door, and walked in, shutting it behind you two. "Where are we?" You asked, looking up at him. "Guess," were his only words. You basically beamed up at him. "Ooh, like a game! Umm... I don't know... tell me?" You chirped, placing a finger on your lip. He sighed, basically throwing himself on his bed. "You're annoying, you know that right?" He said. You frowned, twiddling your fingers. "Don't get offended by that. I have questions I want answered, come here," he stated, the commanding tone in his voice obvious. You stood straighter, and walked over by him. He looked up st you, confused. "Sit,'' was the only word that left his lips. You did so, sitting up straight. "So... is this an act? Your whole innocence thing?" He questioned, motioning to you. You tilted your head in confusion. "No? It's just... me," you responded. He hummed to acknowledge he heard you. Your hands kept looking for something to do, and you impulsively put one of your hands on his head. He moved away, grabbing your wrists, putting them to your body. "Hands to yourself princess," he said, a bored tone present. You shook your head, your hair swaying and bouncing with you. He laughed at the sight as you pouted. "Don't wanna. I like the feeling I get when I touch you or when you touch me," you said, your fingers being able to lightly touch his hand. "What feeling?" He asked. "I don't know what it's called... I just like it," you responded. "Well explain it," he said. "Mm... I feel really warm and protected. And... safe..." you responded, feeling his hands leave your wrists. After feeling his hands leave your wrist, you looked up at him. You crawled next to him squirming from happiness. "Oi, stop it," he scolded, grabbing your shoulders to keep you still. You pouted, looking up at him. "Then can I pet you?" You asked. "What am I? A damn dog?" He spat. "I like dogs. Dogs are cute. You're cute. But you're not a dog. Good boys deserve pets. You're a good boy, so... you deserve pets," you rambled, patting the top of his head softly. He look at you as you did so. He dropped back onto his bed. "I'm tired, so I'm going to sleep before tonight's patrol. Don't kill me," he yawned, closing his eyes, falling asleep almost immediately.

When he woke up, he heard humming. He opened his eyes slowly, and saw you curled up on the end of his bed, humming. "Hello?" He questioned. You turned so fast, he swears you gave yourself whiplash. "Niragi you're up!" You chirped. He sighed. 'Who gave her the right to be so damn cute... this isn't fair on me right now.' He nodded, and got up. He looked into the mirror on the dresser, noticing his hair was tied back. He went to take it out, but soon saw it was braided. "Did you... braid my hair?" He questioned. Now, he wasn't mad, and he didn't hate it. He just wanted to know why. "Yeah. Sorry," you said, looking down. "I- forget it. Why?" He asked. Your eyes lost their spark for a second. "um... uh... I... I just wanted to," you said shakily. "Tell me why. I can see through that lie," he stated, taking his hair out of the braid. "Umm... I... I don't think you'd care, it's nothing," you deflected. "Look, if I'm asking, it means I want to know. So say it," he said, turning to face you. "Ok... I was just alone in my thoughts, and I decided to braid your hair. It made me feel less... anxious. My sister used to always ask for me to braid her hair. So she could look just like our mom... and she did look just like out mom," you explained, tears filling your eyes.

You didn't like talking about your sister because of what had happened to her. Your mother had died when you were 9, your sister was just a baby. She looked exactly like your mom. And due to circumstances, you were never able to be a kid. You had to be an adult at a young age. You never got to be childish. So, you did it more when you grew up. Your sister... Your sister didn't really care all that much. She acted like a kid, and got to be a kid. You made sure of it. Some things just couldn't be helped though. She had died after a car accident. You all went to get some groceries. It had been a great night, and you three had gotten ice cream. On the way back, a drunk driver had hit the car. Your father lived and yourself lived, but he blamed himself for it. He tried, he really really tried to be a good father to you, but it wasn't enough. Somehow, you could never seem to win.

"I'm sorry, I don't really like talking about her, can I talk about something else?" you said, quickly wiping the tears away. He could tell you didn't want to talk about. It made him want know more, but for whatever reason, he left it. "My patrol starts I'm a few minutes. So you'll have to find someone else to bother," he said, fixing his hair again. "But I don't wanna go around anyone else. Wanna be around you," you pouted, walking to his side. He stared down in shock. No one has ever wanted to around him out of their own free will. "Look, just... go to your room, and if I remember to go, I'll go and visit for a bit."

That's how it started. You would constantly be around him, rambling about your newest topic. He didn't respond a lot, just listened, throwing the occasional sigh of you being annoying. It didn't bother you anymore, because something told you if he actually found you annoying, you wouldn't be alive right now.

"Hey hey hey (N/N)!" Kuina greeted with a smile. "Kuina! You're back!" You giggled, running over. She hugged you, spinning you around. "How's my favorite human?" She asked, setting you down. "I'm ok... How was your game?" You asked, walking around with her. She led you down to where all the cars came in. "Hatter put me in charge of checking to make sure no one keeps their cards today. Help me out?" She asked as soon as you got there. You nodded, and stood by her.

All was fine, till one of the last groups came in, speeding. You watched nervously, hoping nothing bad happened. You felt the world around you move in slowmotion, and the air in your lungs get shorter everytime you breathed. You heard the tires screech, and Kuina's voice was somewhere in the background. You felt like you couldn't breath, you felt the cold stone wall behind you and you slid down it. Tears rolled down your face, and you scratched at your arms unknowingly. You felt people trying to touch you, and you kicked or hit them away.

"Someone get help! Arisu, Usagi!" Kuina yelled at them. They had come outside, hearing a commotion. They tried to touch you, or get closer, but you wouldn't let them. Blood came out of the scratches you had made on yourself. "Who else can help her?! Think quick, please!" Arisu panicked. You were crying and scratching at yourself. They could hear you muttering 'no' and 'can't lose them again' over and over under your breath. Anytime someone tried to get close to you, you would kick or hit them. "Get Niragi," Usagi said. "What no I'm not going to-" Kuina started to argue. "Do you have any other ideas?! Go get Niragi before she hurts herself more! Now!" Usagi shouted. The panicky feeling was in everyone. Kuina quickly looked over at you, and nodded. This wasn't about who she did and didn't like. It was about making sure you were ok. Kuina ran off, going to look for Niragi. "Usagi, you go look for him as well. You're faster than me, I'll kept on eye on her," Arisu said. Usagi nodded, running off.

You were still crying, your nails tearing into your skin, crescent marks left behind, and trails of crimson dripping down. People were still trying to help, but we're crowded all around you. You couldn't breath, air couldn't get into your lungs. The people all around you looked like they were closing in around you. A flashback of the moment the other car hit you flooded your brain. Your sister's cut off scream. Her blood soaked shirt, the pieces of glass embedded into her skin. The pain you felt when you called out for her, but she didn't answer.

"Chishiya! Chishiya! Have you seen Niragi?" Kuina yelled after the short boy. He turned around. "Why would I care ab-" Chishiya started. "Chishiya, not now. It's (Y/N). Please, just- do you know or not?" Kuina interrupted, taking in shaky breaths. He shook his head. "Last Boss might know he's over there. If not Aguni," Chishiya said. Kuina nodded, running over to the aforementioned man.

Eventually, she found him on the roof. 'He's always on the damn roof' Kuina thought. "Niragi! Don't ask questions, just come with me!" Kuina yelled at him. He turned with a face that read 'no'. "Why should I-" he started. "It's (Y/N), please just- she- come with me," Kuina stumbled over her words. It had been at least 6 minutes. He tried not to show any emotion, but looked around and nodded. He walked quickly besides her as they made their way back.

"Found him!" Kuina shouted. Arisu turned to them and nodded. "Just go over to her," Arisu said. Niragi walked over, and everyone around you, immediately parted. "Go away," he threatened. Everyone left, and he was able to see what was happening. Your previously white swimsuit was now stained with red. Your arms were marked up with scratches and crescent shaped wounds. "Hey, (Y/N), it's me... calm down... breath," he whispered, so only you could hear. He kneeled in front of you, and got gradually closer. You didn't push him away, nor did you pit up a fight against him. The feeling of being safe and protected that you only got around Niragi appeared. The warm feeling spread over you, making you calm down a bit. You were able to breath a bit now, and you whimpered about something he didn't quite hear. Arisu and Kuina sighed in relief, seeing as he was able to get close to you. He grabbed your hands, taking them away from your arms. You took a shaky breath. "N-niragi?" You questioned. "Mhm... just calm down for now," he said. Arisu and Kuina looked at eachother and nodded, deciding to leave. Niragi had it under control.

You grabbed onto Niragi, and held onto him tightly. He heard you sniffle and say an apology into his neck. "Don't apologize for that. Are you ok-ish now?" He asked. He felt you nod. "Ok, well, we need to clean you up. And you can tell me what happened later, ok?"

He had carried you up to his room, cleaning up the blood on your body. "Sorry... I'm sorry," you apologized again, as he bandaged up your arms. "Stop apologizing, it's pissing me off," he stated. You frowned with a shaky sigh. "I... I didn't mean that. I'm sorry," he apologized, sitting besides you. You snuggled up into him. He was going to scold you, but decided against it, seeing as he rather liked the feeling. He always had. "Niragi... you forgot to do something," you muttered. "And what's that princess?" He asked. "Kiss it better?" You asked, looking at him with the puppy dog eyes. He felt his face get hot, and cursed himself. He rolled his eyes giving in, "Fine." You gave him your arm, and he kissed over the bandages. You giggled slightly. "Tickles," you laughed. He couldn't help but laugh. You smiled, "Niragi... Can I help you feel better?" You asked. "What? I'm not hurt though," he said, confused by your words. "Ok, fine... maybe it's not to make you feel better... just wanna give you a kiss. I really really really like you," you admitted, blushing slightly. He froze up for a second, before smirking. "Go ahead then. I really really really really like you too."

So... how was that? Um...bi may have gone overboard, but I am all for soft Niragi hours even if he's OOC, it's called 'I'm sad, he's my comfort character.' Umm... yeah... cool!