#i don't think there was any real reason beyond that it sounded cool

[verdantwyrm]

In Defense of Curly.

I'm going to start off with the biggest thing that this post could ever mention. Obviously this thread is not at all claiming he is innocent, at all, but some of you need to learn what an unkowning bystander is before you all go and jump Curly and make him out to be just as bad as Jimmy, if not worse for his "Inaction" and i'm going to explain in this thread that accounting bystanders to be apart of the crime is not fair, and how the situation with Anya, Jimmy and Curly is actually very realistic on how real life rape situations go, and the spiraling that occours afterwards.

This is going to be a long thread involving the topics of rape and other mental health junk, so strap in!

Anya's rape.

I'm going to immediately preface this section with a very big important thing. I am a victim, so do not think I am talking out of my ass here when I am talking about Anya, kay we cool now? kay.

So, we as the player know what happens. We know that there was a situation between Anya and Jimmy which either lead to rape, or it was enforced upon her, the actual content of the situation we don't know anything about, all we know that it was not consensual. But how it started and the exact details, we know nothing about.

When Anya tells Curly that she is pregnant, she expresses its something bad, but never tells Curly HOW it happened. And Curly's immediete action is to be concerned for her, he is worried for her, and even though he shouldn't, he LETS HER keep the gun as well!

But WE KNOW exactly what happened, as the player, but Curly wasn't told. He was only told that a pregnancy occurred between her and Jimmy, but the actual details of the event- what we know, is not something that Curly knows. We're able to pick up all the signs and see the language and imagery used, but to Curly, it just sounds like they had a hook up and it ended up in a pregnancy.

And that is a totally fair assumption to make, and it is also a completely fair assumption that your best friend wouldn't do such a thing. (I'll touch on this a bit later) So why would his first assumption be rape? Being unhappy about the pregnancy doesn't exactly scream anything in particular, in Curly's mind, she could be unhappy for multiple reasons. That it happened with Jimmy (of all people), that she is stuck on a ship in outer space for what seems like the remainder of her pregnancy, which is an already unsafe environment to be pregnant in and carry a baby to term. So it is a totally understandable and fine thing to not automatically assume rape when there are already plenty of other things at play that could make her and Jimmy unhappy with the outcome.

And plus, when Anya asks what Curly would have done, people seem to be ignoring (or just plain outright not even noticing) the language used. She's asking him what he would have done. The event is already over, it happened, she is asking what he would have done if he had been there, or if he knew earlier; or maybe if he knew at all.

For safety, for whatever reason the cockpit has locks, whatever reason the Meday has a lock, but not any of the bedrooms. Curly acknowledges the absurdity behind the decision, but he doesn't quite understand or grasp why Anya could be asking such a thing beyond simple curiosity because of course someone like Anya would be pointing out something like this, she spends the most time in the med bay, and Curly likewise with the Cockpit.

There are a ton of nuances that go into play when trying to realistically picture what could have or what should have happened on the Tulpar with Jimmy, and I really wish more people were willing to understand that it's not just as black and white, and not people that end up enabling said abusers are not always a willing and knowing crowd. And start maybe thinking about the fact that maybe

Curly really did not know the depth of the situation.

Jimmy's Spiral

The other thing I see tons and tons and tons of people talk about is "why didn't Curly do more about Jimmy!" "Why didn't he see this coming!"

Because, proven by my point of him not noticing Anya's rape, he would not have noticed Jimmy to do such a thing as murder-suicide. They have been friends for a "long time" according to Curly, but what if this was truly the first time he's ever seen Jimmy get this mad? When Anya tells Curly she told Jimmy, his first immediate response is to panic, he knows that Jimmy is an angry man, possibly a violent one as well.

He expected there to be yelling, or worse, physical violence, but Jimmy just.. walked away. And that's what scared him the most, the fact that he didn't react terrified Curly. So he ran to go and check on Jimmy and try to calm him down, which he thought worked, until it didn't. Curly would not have ever expected Jimmy to do this, how could he?This is probably the very first time that he's seen Jimmy spiral so hard, so intensely and in such a short time. He's seen him get mad, get angry, get violent, but those have all been in different situations, which have not as dire consequences as being the co-pilot of a ship with everyone on board. How the hell was he supposed to assume that he would ever do something like this? And that's even further proved by Curly's shock when Jimmy does divert the ship to crash it.

He is in genuine shock that Jimmy would even do this, and it seems like even Jimmy is as well. Despite having made multiple conscious decisions, turning the steering wheel right, getting out of his chair, grabbing the override key, disabling auto pilot and then steering again into the asteroid, he is still in shock that he actually went through with this. He wasn't actually expecting to do it, and then he did, and now he's grasping the consequences of his actions way too late.

And Curly is also just as shocked.

"I didn't- I should have..." is an immediate blame towards himself for not thinking that Jimmy would do something like this, but again, how do you plan for something like this? If Curly knew Jimmy was capable of such collateral destruction, he would not have him as his co-pilot, so it only makes sense that this was the first real and dangerous time he ever saw Jimmy truly spiral into madness. There were all the warning signs, all the red flags, but nothing could have prepared him for this. Why would Curly's first reaction to anything be the worst outcome, you don't do that when you trust someone. And again, this could be seriously the first time he's ever seen Jimmy react like this.

All we know is that Jimmy has had it rough back on earth, that he was jobless for a long time. Nothing else, nothing about him being a criminal, nothing about him being in trouble with the police, just that he has had it hard which can really mean anything.

It was the wrong time, the wrong person, the wrong break with all the wrong tools.

In conclusion, Curly is not entirely innocent. But I think it is extremely fair and very realistic to not automatically assume the worst of someone you thought you could trust. And he genuinely thought he could trust Jimmy, and he reacted pretty realistically and fairly given the circumstances. He absolutely cared about Anya and the rest, and would have done much much more if he had the time or the ability to do so.

Of course he didn't notice the smaller details, he's used to looking at the bigger picture.

[maverick-werewolf]

Daily Werewolf Thoughts - Days 10-16

More not super prettily formatting werewolf thought posts that I've been doing daily!

Day 10- You don't really love werewolves if you don't enjoy terrible werewolf movies. Which the vast and overwhelming majority of them are terrible, at least if you ask me. But I just love werewolves so much I am driven to watch them (I also love movies with all my heart and soul), and even if the film is beyond terrible - again, as most of them are, even the ones people say are good - there's going to be a few moments that make it worth it, because werewolves are so badass, and I absolutely love studying how they created the werewolf for any film. Here's a bit of a rant for today...

One such film and series is Underworld. I hate the Underworld movies. Yes, stone me. They're terrible. The only one I enjoyed in its own right at all was Rise of the Lycans, since it had a far more compelling story than Selene's tight black leather (I understand why men enjoy this, in their defense) and absurd motivations that only extend as far as what the director wants for the next action sequence - and it was set in the Middle Ages, which is way better as a werewolf story, imo. Anyway, regardless of how I feel about the movies, I LOVE how they handled the practical effects on the werewolves.

The Underworld werewolves are unmatched. I'm not crazy about the design of the main "lie-kans" - I will never forgive the movie for the "lycans" thing btw - because they were specifically designed to be more "cat-like" or even more like a pitbull. For some reason people like to use things like cats, bears, etc to design something called a "werewolf." So I think those initial ones, like in the first film, frankly look pretty stupid. But the "feral" lycan "breed" or whatever they're called that have the more wolfish heads are a very cool design, and ultimately what I'm talking about here is how they were created and put to film. Sidebar: I'm not one of those people who thinks that the instant a movie uses any CGI, it should be condemned; CGI is a tool like any other filmmaking tool, and it can be used to achieve things we otherwise could never film and that are artistically beautiful and creative; but yes, I do prefer practical effects where they can be used.

The werewolves in Underworld were created using bodysuits, animatronics, and creature actors. They wore leg extensions, got big guys in the first place, and had extensive work for muscle, hair, and especially the faces and facial animations. The entire face is created using servos that respond to controllers held by workers off-camera to animate the werewolf costume in real time, while it's being worn by a person. The entire face, eyes, mouth, lips, etc were fully animated using a complex system of animatronics, and a comm system so the actor can be given instructions from the lead puppeteer so everyone can properly sync their work - and the final effect is such a step beyond anything we've seen from werewolf designs of this size in film before - or since.

There are better videos of the later films that had more advanced technology, like Underworld: Evolution (terrible movie but great werewolf effects), but here's one on youtube that has a lot of what was involved: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jWIF8lSlxg&ab_channel=IsaacKoo

*: "feral" by definition most often specifically refers to domesticated animals that have gone wild again and sounds very odd when used to refer to something like a wolf (but it always happens anyway because people don't care about the English language; ask any video game about their "feral wolves")

**: "breed" specifically refers to controlling the birthing of animals to produce a desired outcome, as in domesticated animals, such as dogs, cats, sheep, etc., and it makes me want to become a hermit living alone atop the Himalayas when I see people use it for werewolves

Day 11- I've often wondered what exactly set me down this path of being completely and hopelessly obsessed with werewolves. I've never really had an answer. I've speculated it was just Halloween itself, seeing the very rare and occasional werewolf around, since that's always been my favorite "kind" of werewolf. I have distinct memories of a little werewolf statue in a Hallmark; I really loved looking at that thing (never got it, though, sadly). I've occasionally wondered if it was watching Scooby Doo at my grandma's house - but in retrospect, the werewolves in Scooby Doo of that era weren't much to write home about, so that probably wasn't it. I do know for a fact I've been obsessed with them for as long as I can remember, certainly by age 6, so whatever it was, it started early. I was reading Sabine Baring-Gould's The Book of Werewolves when I was 8, searching for werewolves in video games forever, and I'll never forget the first werewolf figure I got to decorate my desk.

If you ask one of my favorite professors, who sat on the committee that passed ultimate judgment upon what became my book The Werewolf: Past and Future, she would tell you I was led to love werewolves because of "dream visions" (she is a professor and lifelong student of Old Norse, Old English, and the cultures, many sagas, and histories thereof). I told her about how my earliest memories of werewolves and the start of my obsession with them were actually long series of dreams and nightmares I had - a white werewolf would always crop up in them, sooner or later. Sometimes he was on my side, sometimes not. My dreams and nightmares are... very detached from reality in the first place, but the white werewolf became consistent for a long time. What put the idea of a werewolf into my head in the first place? I'm really not sure.

Some of my favorite experiences with werewolves come from playing as them in classic RPGs, including ones where you aren't technically supposed to be one. I loved playing a werewolf in Neverwinter Nights using character editors, cheat codes, and scripts on the big roleplaying server I played on. Now THAT was fun, but that's a whole separate story.

Anyway, I really don't even know. All I know is, I've loved werewolves for as long as I can remember, and I always will, no matter how silly that might seem.

Day 12- Remember when video games called RPGs had actual roleplaying elements in them? Some of the only games that have ever let you play as a proper werewolf are the Elder Scrolls series, specifically Daggerfall and Morrowind: Bloodmoon, the latter being my absolute favorite werewolf game ever. Why? Because you actually played as a werewolf - and all that came with it - instead of lycanthropy being a cool thing and/or awesome button.

In Bloodmoon, if you are a werewolf (having either become one from surviving a werewolf attack - werewolves spawn with INSANE rarity, trust me I found one naturally and it took me weeks, in the wild of Solstheim or you can become one through the main Bloodmoon questline), you will transform each night. You must devour 1 humanoid (playable race) NPC or suffer from hunger and exhaustion the following day, lowering your stats. The transformation will break any armor you have equipped. If someone witnesses the transformation, word of your true nature will spread, and you will be hunted. You are also attacked on sight - but NPCs will often run away rather than dare attack you. Your stats are insanely boosted, you run like the wind and leap to the point of almost flying, and you can destroy nearly anything in your path. It is one of the single coolest things in all of gaming and nothing like it has ever been recreated (I have biases).

Being a werewolf became part of your character and changed your entire gameplay experience rather than just being an "ability" or "race."

Many of these systems were also in place in Daggerfall, Morrowind's predecessor. But Morrowind was the last game of the ES series to incorporate proper werewolf mechanics. In Oblivion, we got exactly nothing, which left me crushingly disappointed as a child. In Skyrim, you have an awesome button werewolf mode wherein you must continually devour enemies in order to maintain the werewolf form. It's cool and it's fun, and I'm very glad Skyrim had werewolves playable at launch, but it doesn't have anything approaching the same feel as "being" a werewolf in Bloodmoon, where it is a curse. It can be an inconvenience, it can be an advantage, and it's something you have to plan your gameplay around - and something you must hide from everyone around you. That is what playing as a werewolf should be. I'm likely to make another post soon talking about that some more, because it's a favorite subject.

Anyway, therefore, Morrowind's expansion pack Bloodmoon is easily one of my favorite games ever made. It is really the only game where you can really play as a werewolf instead of a reasonably cool and fun but ultimately far less interesting alternative.

I also recently wrote a big ol' article about the best video games that let you play as a werewolf: https://maverickwerewolf.com/werewolf-facts/werewolf-articles/werewolf-article-play-as-a-werewolf-video-games/

Day 13- A werewolf's transformation sequence is one of the single most important things in any werewolf story. It might even be -the- most important. After all, the crux of werewolves is that even a man who is pure at heart (etc) can become a monster - and back again - and the sequence undergoing such a traumatic change is quite a thing to tackle.

I've seen it approached many ways. Painfully (obviously), painlessly, slow, fast, as something undesirable and as something desirable, as something controllable and uncontrollable - I swear this isn't innuendo. Anyway, personally, my favorite will always very easily be the most classic concept of the werewolf transformation: painful, traumatic, and very, very bad. I am not here for cuddly or happy werewolves. I'm also a fan of the werewolf not remembering what happened, but I'll ramble about that one later.

This also actually has basis in legend, as well. Even in antiquity, witnessing a werewolf transformation would potentially bring one to madness. This is mentioned in several stories, including but not necessarily limited to Niceros's story, in which witnessing the werewolf transformation freaks him out beyond reason. When he realizes the soldier he'd traveled with was a werewolf, he swears never to go near him again: "I couldn’t have eaten a crumb of bread with him, no, not if you had killed me!"

In Ovid's Metamorphoses, oft hailed as one of the "first werewolf legends" (that we have recorded, anyway), we also get our first proper werewolf transformation ever in the form of the legend of Lycaon...

"[Lycaon] howled his heart out, trying in vain to speak.

With rabid mouth he turned his lust for slaughter

Against the flocks, delighting still in blood.

His clothes changed to coarse hair, his arms to legs—

He was a wolf, yet kept some human trace,

the same grey hair, the same fierce face, the same

Wild eyes, the same image of savagery."

I've always found it interesting to note that his clothes became coarse hair, rather than him tearing his clothes off. Just a little difference there between this and many other legends.

Lots more on the ancient Greek tale of King Lycaon here: https://maverickwerewolf.com/werewolf-fact-66-the-legend-of-king-lycaon-of-arcadia/

There are a few legends, of course, that don't make it quite this dramatic. But popular culture carried over the painful transformation sequence for those with the werewolf curse, by and large, and it's incredibly effective. Everyone remembers seeing the first transformation in An American Werewolf in London (as much as I think the movie itself frankly just sucks), and likewise no one was exactly taken by a guy jumping really high and painlessly CGI'ing into a wolf in like .3 seconds.

I obviously have a lot of opinions on werewolf transformations, just like every other werewolf thing. The best and most memorable werewolf transformations are painful, dramatic, and traumatizing - because, after all, being a werewolf is neither a fun thing nor a good time... not for anyone involved.

Day 14- There's something I deeply hate in media, and it's when someone says "a werewolf scratch can turn you!" What on earth?

I have a lot of thoughts about all of this, obviously, and I'll get more into the whole werewolf bite thing later, but let's entertain if you will this notion that becoming a werewolf is like rabies. This is an extremely Early Modern concept, following the rise of scientific thought and the dismissal of all things mystical, religious, magical, mysterious, and allegorical, but even then, a werewolf spreading lycanthropy (in itself an Early Modern concept, as it was viewed as a disease, not a curse) via bite has no basis in folklore already. Does that make it bad? Nonsense, a werewolf bite is a classic storytelling element - that, once again, almost certainly comes from The Wolf Man (1941). It's so classic that for some reason zombies later completely lifted it and now everyone acts like it's a zombie thing, which is completely unfair.

But a werewolf scratch? Really? Even if we're equating it with rabies, that still doesn't work. And how stupid is it for someone to be like "oh no! the werewolf SCRATCHED you!" When I hear "scratch," I think "my cat got a little too excited about the tummy button," not "I've been mauled by a giant twisted man-beast and now I will inherit its curse." How does a werewolf even "scratch" someone without taking an entire limb off or raking red rivers through your torso? Are we sure it was a werewolf, or is it a chihuahua*?

I really wish this "werewolf scratch" thing would stop. It's just bad all over. Bring back werewolf bites exclusively.

*: what pains me is that some people would find this hilarious and make this their exclusive takeaway, because werewolves have just become jokes

Day 15- I love a wide variety of werewolf designs. If the werewolf is presented well, the design doesn't always matter that massively, as long as it doesn't look incredibly dumb and/or doesn't even resemble a man or a wolf. Unfortunately, it's amazing how often this happens.

Many monster design classes do actually say, when designing a werewolf, absolutely don't use a wolf as a reference. Artists are told by everyone under the sun, including filmmakers: use dogs, cats, bears, mandrills, hyenas - I've even seen mules, foxes, bats, badgers... and above all, they are told explicitly: whatever you do, don't use a wolf as inspiration. That'd be like, expected or cliche or bad or corny or something, because it's a WOLF monster. And we can't do anything "expected."

Werewolves are two things: human and wolf. If you're drawing the majority of your inspiration from a bear or a cat or a fox or hyena or whatever else, why even call it a werewolf? Why not make a different creature entirely, like the Beast of Gevaudan?

(more on that remark here: https://maverickwerewolf.com/werewolf-facts/the-beast-of-gevaudan/ )

I can understand the desire of some to have some particularly "memorable" or "unique" design (although I have never been taken by any of these attempts, nor do I remember them fondly), but ultimately, it baffles me that someone would choose to draw more directly from animals that aren't wolves for a werewolf design. Then again, you can also go too far in the opposite direction and just end up with fluffy wolf-people, and those can look far too cuddly (at least to... modern audiences; no one thought the werewolves in Dog Soldiers were cute even just a few years ago).

It's a careful balance to walk. When I was very young and innocent, I hated that many designs removed the tail from a werewolf (which they have in legend and I think it looks cooler), but I completely understand now. I also understand wanting to change the head shape, ear shape, etc, but all of this can be achieved without making the werewolf look like some other animal or like nothing in particular. There's a reason the Underworld werewolf design that became ubiquitous for so many werewolves afterward - Skyrim, for example, and World of Warcraft: Cataclysm, just to name two - was the one with the wolfish muzzle and head shape, not the "cat pitbull" design from the first film.

Call me old-fashioned (I am), but I want a werewolf to look like what it's called. Note: I'm also not knocking the quadrupedal but still part-man looking designs, although those are far from my favorite, but it should still have wolf features. At least a few.

Day 16- Another werewolf folklore lesson! How about "curing" lycanthropy? What was that like in folklore - lifting the werewolf curse?

As per usual for my discussions, I have to mention that being a werewolf was not considered a "disease" until relatively recently; it was a magical curse, not an illness that could be "contracted" or "cured," and individuals were not "infected." Likewise, there weren't exactly a lot of examples of a werewolf curse - as per traditional "transforming between man and beast on a regular basis" definition of "werewolf" - being lifted in folklore.

There are some examples of more unusual variations of the curse being lifted, however, namely with those who end up stuck in a more seemingly permanent wolf form. Removing a magic item that cursed you to become a werewolf is fairly common, such as the magic skins donned by Sigmund and Sinfjotli in the Volsunga Saga; when they wore them, they were wolves, and only returned to human form when they managed to get the skins back off again. Another example is Melion (titular character of a British lai), who was trapped in the form of a wolf when he put on a cursed ring.

And in at least one story, that of Guillame de Palerne, the werewolf returns to his human shape when the one who cursed him is killed. This is a special case in that the werewolf never actually returned to a human form and was in fact stuck as a wolf, so it's not quite your typical werewolf example, but it is still from a French story whose title was translated as William and the Werewolf - and it's a good story.

However, in the vast majority of cases, especially with the werewolves that are more in line with what we think of as proper werewolves (transforming back and forth, instead of stuck in a wolf form), either the werewolf stayed a werewolf and it wasn't really that big of a deal (such as in several ancient Greek tales and some medieval tales, for example)...

Or else the werewolf was killed. Popular culture sometimes insists the only cure for lycanthropy is death, and that also often held true in many legends. It's also quite fun and dramatic, of course, although I do get tired of the werewolf predictably getting wasted.

There is, of course, a Werewolf Fact for this: https://maverickwerewolf.com/werewolf-facts/how-to-cure-lycanthropy/

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

what do you like about cars?

I think you knew, upon asking this, that I could only ever have answered with either an ironic one-liner or a dozen-part novel. And unfortunately, this is already the second line, so novel it is. So then, without any further ado than the literal half year that’s gone by since this was asked, let's go.

1. Engineering matters

At the end of last year (aka when I started writing this, yikes) my dear old iPhone 6S moved on to a new home because it simply wasn't keeping up with me anymore. (And again, I was using an iPhone 6S in 2023. If I say a phone is too slow, it's too slow.) I had plenty of criteria for the replacement: a smallish screen not overboard on resolution, ideally a physical media control button and/or vibration toggle, repairability, a FUCKING AUX JACK... Something like the Sony Xperia 10, whose only real issue is marketing so trash you've only just now learned Sony never stopped making phones.

And yet...

This fancy wallpapers-sporting foldable is a Motorola RAZR 5G, a phone whose too-big screen already broke (though at the edge due to adhesive issues) and those who dared try warn repairing it will be as hard as phone repairs get. Why the fuck did I buy this? Well, because it has something more important than the aux jack, proper sizing, and good cameras: it made me go “That’s so cool!”, and when’s the last time a phone made you say that? It's the cusp of a new technology, and whether it becomes the future of phones, a future of phones, or just a weird footnote, it is an island of interesting in a sea of boring. And sadly, even this island is rapidly sinking. The drive for new form factors has already boiled down to the same two phones and their evolution is sinking into the usual millimetric proportion tweaking, camera rearranging, touchscreen expanding, case material switching, fingerprint sensor moving, and spec improvements not even manufacturers can come up with use cases for. I mean, seriously, how does the iPhone 15 differ from a software-updated iPhone X (which is apparently not pronounced "x", so I guess the iPhone Twitter)? Nothing is new. Nothing is tackled differently. The user experience does not differ. And why should it, when iPhone users will get a new one out of habit anyway and many are so tech illiterate moving a button could hospitalize them? Five generation newer and 150% faster are numbers you basically have to trust, because they don't make a difference that matters.

But in cars? 150% faster will matter alright. Even just looking at it. Cars are a visceral experience to even witness, let alone ride in or drive, and the frantic engineering pursuits for performance and overall capability actually have impactful real world implications beyond "some pockets will bulge 1mm less". And their engineering involves so many fields that there’s always a breakthrough going on somewhere - which leads to another reason their engineering is so interesting: there’s simply so much of it that anyone interested in engineering will find something for them, no matter their level or sector of expertise! Interested in mechanics? Well, obviously you’ll have a field day! Aerodynamics? Don't even get me started! Electronics? You're getting more goods by the year! It spread from engine management to safety assists to infotainment to ergonomic adjustments to even suspension and aerodynamics! Sound design? Even just working on the way engines sound is a profession of its own, let alone making these barrels of metal and glass propelling themselves at triple digit speeds through hundreds of explosions a second things you can comfortably have a conversation in - and that's not even mentioning horns and chimes! Hi-Fi? We’ve spent most of a century trying to get concert hall sound from a tiny tin can where everyone sits off-center and everything bumps and shakes around and you have maybe room for two components* a third the normal size and speakers can only be in a handful of places you wouldn’t want them which may well be the next room over**!

And this is just engineering.

*Like everything in the car world, there are exceptions to that

**For those unfamiliar, subwoofers, the speakers dedicated to, indeed, sub-bass, due to their frequent humongousness are often installed in the trunk.

[schizosupport]

hey there

im exploring this all still. i might be on this schizotypal-psychotic spectrum but i have a... confusion.

pretty much everything that i might classify within that diagnostic realm i experience as essentially a spiritual event. sometimes this comes with fatigue or dizziness or other physical reactions to a non-physical event. and to be clear none of this falls neatly into a given religion. i grew up around hippie type believe in whatever you want people.

i guess my question is, is it possible to tell if something is spiritual or psychotic in nature? or even if there is functionally a difference, since theres nothing physical i can point to?? this has been bothering me for a while, but largely the only information ive been able to find online vaguely indicates that having religious experiences is distinct, and doesnt elaborate on why or how, just that its a diagnostic disqualifier.

and also. thank you for this blog, its really cool and awesome to see this happening (both as a community thing and a psych special interest go brrrrrr thing)

Hello there!

The border between spirituality and psychosis can be hard to define. As you've stated, religious experiences and beliefs shared with a subculture generally aren't considered delusional, even if they aren't believed to be true by the wider society. This includes things like religious beliefs and conspiracy theories shared by groups, and it also does include some more personal spiritual beliefs, though it can be troublesome to define exactly when something is "so personal that it becomes delusional".

In my mind one important distinction is about whether you came up with the belief yourself, or whether it's something you have learned from someone else. Another important distinction is whether it's harming you. Those two don't have to follow each other. Being a part of a cult doesn't make you clinically psychotic if you were indoctrinated into your beliefs, but the beliefs can still certainly harm you. But if you got away from the group you would be able to start to unlearn the beliefs as you are presented with new evidence.

And likewise, personal beliefs that aren't shared by anyone else aren't inherently harmful. For example as a kid I believed that if I was tired, hugging a tree would give me access to a bit of its life source, and that would allow me to keep going. It was a completely harmless personal belief. I would classify relatively harmless personal belief systems as a type of magical thinking if I was wearing my pathologizing hat, but I also don't think that it is inherently a clinically problematic experience.

Now it's worth noting that there is a difference between beliefs and experiences. You are talking about "spiritual events", so that sounds like you are experiencing things that are "abnormal", and then attribute spiritual significance to them. Now I don't know the nature of said events, but if we take the most bland view of reality, then such events generally aren't a real thing that occurs, so by that logic the experience itself is a sign of some mental fuckery. And then with the pathologizing hat on, we might say that you are experiencing psychotic events, and interpreting them as spiritual events, which we might then consider delusional.

But by that logic a lot of people who aren't in treatment, and who are leading perfectly functional lives, are delusional/psychotic. And therefore I think that it's helpful to bring in the "is it harming you?" distinction. Because ultimately it's less interesting to me whether something is "psychotic" or not, and much more interesting to figure out whether it's a problem for the person experiencing the belief/events. I don't think there's any sort of moral or even functional high-ground to be found in having a super down to earth view of reality, where you only ever believe something if its been scientifically proven beyond any reasonable doubt. There's nothing wrong with being that way, but it's not inherently more healthy than having some fantastical or spiritual beliefs mixed in there. And you won't catch me arguing that organized religion is inherently more healthy than personal spirituality, either!

A personal distinction that I make is that a delusion is less so something you believe in, and more so something that you are convinced of. Most things that I believe in, I have reason to believe. I've arrived to my opinions after careful research and consideration. If I haven't done a lot of research and consideration, my belief is generally less strong. When it comes to spiritual stuff I believe some things but I'm not convinced of them. They are beliefs and I'm aware that they aren't proven truths, they are things that I believe in. For me, one thing that's a red flag for psychosis is when I'm sure of something. The world is so complex, so how could I ever be completely sure of anything?

I think that as a field, noting that religious/spiritual experiences are different from psychosis has been important, because otherwise we would be pathologizing a lot of otherwise healthy individuals based on a conviction that there's no such thing as a religious experience. Humans have evidently always had religious experiences and beliefs - it seems pretty inherent to our nature! And most of the time, at a personal level, it isn't inherently harmful.

Psychosis is problematic because it often hurts the person who is experiencing it, not because it diverges from consensus reality.

So I can't give you a one size fits all solution, but these are some of my thoughts.

[r1ya4aa]

Sultan e Qalbam

ꗃ ⋆ ࣪ . 𝟏 ᵘⁿˡᵒᶜᵏᵉᵈ.

SOCCER PRISONERS🗣️🔥

BACTERIA ADDED A PERSON TO THE. GROUPCHAT!

Isagi:

Who did you add again bachira..

bacteria:

Chill it's raichui

xxx-xxx-xxx:

now who in the right mind would name there child raichui.

Chigiri:

You are so real for that

Kunigami:

Who are you

xxx-xxx-xxx:

I should be the one asking that..

Bacteria:

WE BKUE LOCK

xxx-xxx-xxx:

Oh okay

Bacteria:

N U?????

xxx-xxx-xxx

l/n y/n

who else is in this gc?

Isagi:

All our friends from blue lock

I think..

nagi changed xxx-xxx-xxx to y/n!

y/n!:

cool

shithoe is online!

shithoe:

GIRL STOP BEIG SO DRY

Y/n:

FUCK YIU WANT ME TO DO?

Shithoe:

Bitch 😒

Y/n:

NAHH YOU CANT BE TALKING WHEJ UR FRIENDS CALL YOU SHIT-HOE☠️☠️☠️

shithoe:

GIRL UR NAME SOUNDS LIKE A SPELL LIKE WHAT ISBTAHT💀

Kunigami:

Alright y'all that's enough

shithoe:

Stfu wannabe hero

Y/n:

Thats embarrassing...☺️

Shithoe:

Even she agreed 😜

Y/n:

Girl I was talking to u..☠️

Chigiri:

BSHAHAHSH

Bacteria:

LNFAOOOO

Y/n:

Anyway gotta go I have training 🙁

Isagi:

Training? Do you play any sports?

Y/n:

Ye I do actually

Y/n is offline

Bacteria:

OHHH WHAT RU PLAYING??

Oh...🙁

Y/n is online

Y/n:

Mb what happened

OHHH WHAT RU PLAYING??⁀➷

Basketball

Shithoe:

Boorrringgg🙄🙄🙄

reo is online!

Reo:

It's been a while since a last played

Which school are you playing for?

Y/n:

Seirin

Reo:

SEIRIN??? NAHH U MUST BE MAD GOOD

Y/n:

HAHAHA TYSMM

Reo:

Y'all are playing for nations  this year right?

Y/n:

We have a few more matches to win before we get to the nations

Matter of fact we unfortunately have a match tmr

Isagi:

Why 'unfortunately'?

Y/n:

1. We have two matches scheduled in ONE DAY.

2. The second team is hella strong n there secretary AND coach is mad annoying

nagi:

Sounds like a hassle.

Y/n:

Fr.

ANYWAY I ACTUALLY GOTTA GO NOW

BYEBYE YALL

Bacteria:

BYEE Y/NNNN

Shithoe:

I hope u lose your match and get depression and become emo for the rest of ur life

Reo:

Bye y/n!

Isagi:

Good luck and Byee!

Y/n went offline

Nagi went offline

Chigiri went offline

Reo went offline

Bacteria went offline

Isagi went offline

Kunigami went offline

Shithoe went offline

。　♡ 。　　♡。　　♡

♡。　＼　　｜　　／。　♡

ᓚᘏᗢ

♡。　／　　｜　　＼。　♡

。　♡。 　　。　　♡

SOCCER PRISONERS🗣️🔥

Bacteria:

@Y/N

@Y/N

@Y/N

@Y/N

@Y/N

@Y/N

@Y/N

@Y/N

@Y/N

Y/n:

Yes?

Bacteria:

SOSOSOS

HOW WAS UR GAME??? DID U WIN??????

Reo:

Yeah I was wondering the same thing

Shithoe:

I bet u lost😹😹

Y/n:

We won

But like that aomine guy was hella strong

Not strong enough tho😈

Reo:

He's the reason I quit actually

Y/n:

It can't be THAT bad..

Reo:

You don't wanna know...☺️

Y/n:

Oh!

Rin:

Congratulations

Y/n:

Thank you!

Who are u btw ?

I don't think you've ever texted since I've been here

Shithoe:

Ye some of us had training yesterday

and omg

SINCE WHEN IS RIN BEING SO NICE😱😱😱

Rin:

They seem normal unlike you

Shithoe:

At least ma man wants me🥺

Rin:

who tf.

Shithoe:

Your brother ofc😜

Isagi:

Didn't he block you multiple times?

Y/n:

Imagine being so desperate

Rin:

^

Shithoe:

Stfu eyelashes jr.

Y/n:

I bet his eyelashes r beyond gorgeous

Aryu ✨:

His eyelashes really are glamorous✨

Y/n:

Eyelashes reveal when

Bacteria:

I got u pookie

Y/n:

WOOOOWWWW⁉️⁉️

Gorgeous

Fabulous

Meow

majestic

Pinterest coded

Art deco coded

Beautiful

Blushing

You remind me of my cat

Shithoe:

NAH PINTEREST CODED? THATS TOO MICH FOR HIS UGLY ASS

Rin:

Thank u I guess @Y/n

At least I don't look like a fucking cockroach 😐

Chigiri:

CAT REVAEL RN

Y/n:

*picture of a cat*

Chigiri:

awwwwwhh

I'll kidnap ur cat y/n ☺️

Y/n:

Fuck off☺️

Bacteria:

YALL I HAVE AN IDEA

CUTE CAT BTW POOKIE

Y/n:

Tysm pookie wookie

Isagi:

What's ur idea bachira?

Bacteria:

LEST DO A FACE REV

shithoe:

Ye I'm down

Kunigami:

Sure

Bacteria:

ILL START batchira meguru 😋

Y/n:

Aww you're so cute

I wanna bite ur cheeks 🙁

Bacteria:

Aw Tysm pookie 🙁

Shithoe:

IM NEXT shodou ryusei baby 😈

Y/n:

PUT THAT PHONECASE AWAY ☠️☠️

2/10 ig (im being generous 😒)

(Eyeliner tut when??)

Aryu✨:

Aryu✨ (jyubei 🤕)

Y/n:

Glamorous

8/10

Aryu✨:

Ohhh✨🤭

Takemitsu:

Aaoshi tttttttakkenmixysi

Y/n:

what.

Takemitsu:

IM SO SORRY IM VERY NERVOUS AND MY HANDS ARE SWEATING

Y/n:

OHH UTS OKAY

Bacteria:

I got u takemitsu

Aoshi takemitsu

Y/n:

Awhh

7/10

Isagi:

I guess I'll go next :)

Isagi yoichi

Y/n:

10/10

Handsome???

u look smart

Isagi:

Thank you!

Eita is online!

Karasu is online!

Barou is online!

Nanase is online!

Hori is online!

Kurona is online!

Eita:

Yo

What are we doing

Bacteria:

Face reveal

Karasu:

For who?

Hori:

Read the chat fucking dumbass

Hello y/n! I'm Hiori yo

Y/n:

adorable

10/10

Eita:

I Like girls who play basketball

Karasu:

Didn't you tell me a few minutes ago that you're into shy girls?

Eita:

I Like em both😼

Y/n:

9/10

I feel like your a cheater

Karasu:

He is.

Y/n:

1/10

Y/n changed 'Eita' to 'Cheitar'

Cheitar:

WHAT.

Karasu:

LMAOOOSJJEHEUSH

Karasu tabito

Y/n:

Fix yo Hair old man ☠️

Cheitar:

BHSHAHAHWHWH LMAOOO

shithoe:

LMFAOOO

Bacteria:

HEHSHWHSHHEHE

Karasu:

I thought we where good y/n 😒

Y/n:

You thought wrong 😜

Reo:

Anyway

Reo mikage

Y/n:

OHHHH⁉️⁉️⁉️

10/10

Reo:

Thank you! I'll do nagis one too since he's asleep

Nagi seishiro

Y/n:

He reminds me of a snowman

9.5/10

Bacteria:

I'm so sorry y/n we have to go training 😔

Y/n:

Oh that's okay!

Isagi:

bye y/n!

Y/n:

goodbye Isagi 🫶

。　♡ 。　　♡。　　♡

♡。　＼　　｜　　／。　♡

ᓚᘏᗢ

♡。　／　　｜　　＼。　♡

。　♡。 　　。　　♡

989 WORDS!

[🥟]— hi…I’m still trying to figure out how to use and write on this app🙏 and can anyone explain to me how to add pictures without like the text disappearing or smth like that, TYSM!!

[northwest-cryptid]

I don't think I can really explain this without sounding like some elitist prick to someone out there, and that's not the intention or the thought process at all; but the thing is I really do want to like Limbus Company. However I've not been able to bring myself to do so for a lot of reasons.

Look this is gonna be a long one because I'm gonna keep it 100% with you, I have been having a LOT of thoughts about how we're never getting another game like Lob Corp; or even characters who can commit to their most surface level key design features.

I know I've sorta touched on this in the past, and every time I do I get anons by the dozens; (anon is turned off before anyone tries) telling me to kill myself or that I'm stupid and wrong. Which like, look I get it, but you need to understand that a jab at Project Moon and Limbus is not a jab at YOU.

Project Moon used to be one of my favorite game companies, I am the self proclaimed "#1 Project Moon Fan" so you gotta understand that I'm coming at this from a perspective of love for the series as a whole.

I think Limbus fundamentally fumbles the whole bag when it comes to what it could have been vs what it is. That's not to say it's entirely garbage or something. I'm not just going to say everything everyone likes about Limbus is absolute dogwater bullshit.

However as I've said before I can't shake the feeling that what I see when I look at Limbus is like a parody of what it wants to be. It's a husk wearing the corpse of Lob Corp like a cheap costume. Does it have some cool characters? Absolutely; yea I love seeing all the cool EGO designs and such, shame that so many of them cost real money and are still a gamble since many of them reveal things about the characters.

Which like, hey that's a good thing; they SHOULD reveal things about the characters, they should have cool little extra details; they should be important and plot relevant. If they weren't it would just be some cool costume for the characters (and let's be honest, some/most of them absolutely are...) However the fact of the matter is, what we were promised was that this would be a means of continuing to tell us about The City while funding other big projects.

I remember when they said we were going to get a proper open world game set in The City, where we were going to be able to make our own character and explore everything. Do you have any idea how hype I was for that? Limbus changed very quickly from the planning phase to the execution phase. It's success rapidly shifted the focus, no longer was it just a side project to sort of run in the background and "give us something back for donations and funding support." Suddenly it was THE focus of Project Moon.

I understand that since the launch (and even before the launch) of Limbus, Project Moon has had a lot going on. As in, things have come out that the company kinda sucks, that their practices are less than ethical; there was a very short lived boycott over the rights of women in Korea, and the sexism seen in the workplace at Project Moon.

It was genuinely saddening to me to see that fail so quickly because you know, the entire community/fandom built on the shoulder of "we need to oppose shitty business practices even when it's hard." Couldn't manage to oppose shitty business practices and sexism, because they needed their blorbos or whatever.

HOWEVER, that's all been talked about into the dirt, what I don't often see discussed; though it does happen on occasion, is just how much the tone of the game has shifted. Lobotomy Corp, back in it's original heyday; was actually really interesting. Because it was one of the few horror games where sure the graphics were pretty mid and the overall visual aesthetics may not be consistent. However that didn't matter because the characters and story were actually well written and compelling. We were seeing a game explore horror in a very human way, beyond simple shock factor and jumpscares. It still had monsters, and they were the least frightening part of the whole thing.

It felt like the Abnormalities were there as a sort of reminder; here are the monsters, but what's actually scary is what's going on at the company. What's going on with the people, and how you're involved, and the fact that these characters are suffering from very relatable, understandable; and human traumas. The scariest part of Lobotomy Corp for me wasn't Nothing There or The Woman Facing The Wall; it was the relatability of these characters, the fact I couldn't help but see a piece of myself in characters like Malkuth or Chesed.

It was also really interesting that at no point (other than MAYBE Netzach) does the game outright throw something in your face. Not once does it tell you "Malkuth has ADHD" or whatever. It doesn't need to, you see it; you understand it. You feel the futility of it all, understanding you're in a loop, you can't change how things will play out; you can't fix the past, you can do everything in your power to lessen the suffering but it won't fix it.

It's insane that we go from a storylines like Tiph's to the height of horror being "scary" monsters and in-your-face trauma. We even saw a bit of this formula in Library of Ruina, though I believe it was handled a lot better. A lot of people tell me I'm just bias, I was one of the "originals" by which I mean I remember being in THE (at the time) Project Moon discord server when there were maybe like 20 of us who were really mentally unwell about this series. Making mods, making content whether it be art or writing or whatever, I remember staying up all night going through the code and the data and the unused assets. So sure I have a lot of love for the original Lob Corp and such.

However what people hate to recognize is that yes, I'm aware of my bias, and where my bias lies; and no that's not influencing my opinion in the way you think it is. Believe it or not I DO like the characters in Limbus; I actually don't mind at all that we see some fresh faces. I wouldn't be happy with them dragging the corpse of Chesed into Limbus just so I can see my dumb blue haired coffee man (don't think I'm generalizing my favorite boy I swear to god.) I'd be mad that they really dredged up the corpse of a more or less complete character story just to pull some fan service.

My issue with Limbus is just how unfitting it feels. This doesn't feel like the same writing at all, it feels to me as though there's so much more shock value and fan service and "hey isn't THIS cool!?" Rather than striking at the heart of horror. I'm not saying these characters aren't still relatable to people, I absolutely know they are. I'm saying that we've seen Project Moon drift closer and closer to safe marketability over interesting storytelling.

Marketability really is the core problem for me, from the need for monetary gain to the lack of risk being taken with the narrative. It feels like a cheap cash grab, and it's taken over the entire company. We won't ever get another game like Lob Corp, it's just not going to happen. Even if we do get those other promised things; like a "Project Moon Land" or an open world City exploration game, it's going to be a shell of what it could have and should have been. Because it's sharp edges and gripping narrative is going to be smoothed down and made to be marketable to the highest paying audience.

I feel like Limbus more than any other game in the series is so black and white. These are the good guys (who have done bad things uwu) and these are the bad evil guys. This is the characters explicit trauma, we're going to bring this up again at the end very directly. All our characters are SO quirky and fun, this one talks in acronyms! This one exclusively talks in the third person! This one is autistic! But What if they had REASONS for being like that?!?!?!??!?!?? It all feels so, I don't know; it's like those youtubers who make horror content for kids saying "DON'T CALL DON QUIXOTE AT 3 AM!"

I'm not even saying you can't have quirky characters, or characters who talk in a specific way, or characters who are autistic. I'm saying that the whole thing with Limbus feels so half-hearted and phoned in. I've tried to get into the game several times, and if it's not that I'm literally missing out on stuff because I'm actually poor and can't afford to spend hundreds on gacha every time they release a new one; it's the fact that it just feels so predictable.

This could very well be a ME problem, and I fully accept that and I'm not here to tell you that you can't like Limbus Company. I'm just blogging on my personal blog lamenting (heh) the fact we're never going to get another Lob Corp; or even a Library of Ruina. Because at the end of the day I have a deep love for those games; but Project Moon isn't the company it once was, and now that it has had a taste of this success it's never going to go back to being the company it once was. Especially not after you know, firing some of their key figures, burning bridges with creators and artists; and ultimately shooting themselves in the foot 8 times over because hey it doesn't matter, check out this new EGO we made Don's a spooky vampire now!

If you actually want a really good example of what I mean when I say it feels half hearted; look no further than the very first major plot arc with Gregor. That's my boy right there, I love that guy; but they really do just pull an immediate one two punch only to miss both swings with the whole "here's Yuri, he likes Yuri like a sister; uh oh someone has to protect her who are you going to send? It has to be Gregor; it has to be, you can't actually pick anyone else, like sure you can but we've set this up so you HAVE to pick Gre- OH NO HE FAILED and she's DEAD and he's SAD and you should be too!" But more than that, let me put it this way; what's Gregor's key design thing? If I was to line up the sinners and have you point out something unique about each of their designs; what would it be for Gregor? Is it his arm? You know, the lack of a human arm? You know, the thing he has trauma about? The physical and visual representation of his trauma? The fact it's a weapon? A sharp, jagged, inhuman wea- oh wait hang on...

Yea sure I guess he can just have that back for this ID. Why not. Fuck it, we can't even commit to this one thing entirely. "That's LITERALLY only 1 EGO dude."

Okay.

Another one. "That's a fucked up thorn claw that doesn't count." Fine dude, fuck; here,

That's CLEARLY a fucking hand with some butterflies on the arm. (Sick design mind you but come on man.)

My point with this whole bit here is that they really feel like they can't even commit to what feels like a key visual design element for a character's trauma because hey the rule of cool will sell more if we make him look badass!

And like the other big thing is that we actually know that in The City robotic prosthetics and the like are COMMON, so something like this?

That would be seen as just a mostly functional arm or something he could get replaced with a fully functioning arm later. Not a weapon, not an instrument of trauma for the poor guy.

That's ALSO just an arm. Here's another Prosthetic:

And another arm:

And ANOTHER ARM:

Look what I'm saying here is that of his 8 IDs on the wiki, only 3 actually have a hook, claw, or non-hand/arm appendage that is actually a weapon. Of the 6 EGO on the wiki 4 of them are either just hands/arms or at least vaguely hand/arm adjacent with only 2 being the centipede and orb thing.

So the take away for me on this is that they couldn't even handle committing to the most surface level visual key element of this character for the MAJORITY of his IDs and EGOs. What's the point? His character arc is predictable and just tries to hit you in the gut with "he's a victim of war, he was experimented on; he loses everyone he cares about!" Then goes "oh and don't worry about him being a cockroach man because that doesn't matter actually..."

I hate it man.

I miss when this company made single player focused games, that told an interesting story; and actually understood horror and trauma beyond buzzwords and flash in the pan "ANGST" moments. I'm sorry but half of the Cantos have these very predictable storylines that really demand I get invested to side characters who we know aren't going to make it out alive because "Death = Sad and Emotion Response = Good!"

Do you remember when FNAF came out and everyone and their brother made youtube videos about how, "Jumpscares are cheap horror because it's an involuntary response!" Because this is that but for writing; they just want you to feel sad or angst or whatever because they know triggering any kind of emotional response in you means they got some kind of reaction from you. Gone are the days when you actually had time to get to know and care about a character; gone are the days when the characters were going through shit that actually did impact you in some way. Now we get 2-bit here and gone flash in the pan side characters to kill off, they exist solely to be expendable. I really miss when the games forced me to assume the role of a fucked up little guy and let me fight against the very nature of being a fucked up little guy in a fucked up little world. Only to come to the understanding that no matter how much I try, no matter how much I struggle against the horror; I can't undo the past, I can't save his wife; I can't end their suffering; I can't undo her decades of pain. I can only go forward as a better version of a fucked up little guy.

[some-pers0n]

rant about webs

I don't think you fully understand what you've unleashed here. You have just given me leeway, an excuse, to rant about my absolute least favourite character ever made.

Before I begin, I want to preface that, despite using strong language every now and then, I don't hate characters. I don't hate a lot of things. I dislike or don't agree with things, especially minor stuff like Glory's character arc not being as great as it could be or not care for arc 3, but I don't hate it.

I hate Webs. There has never been another character out there in any piece of media I detest more than this worthless sack of scales. He is abominable. He is nothing. He is useless. I hate him. I am revolted and disgusted by his mere existence.

I don't hate people who like him. If you like him, cool!! I like seeing other opinions! I may disagree with you entirely, but I don't want to come across that I literally hate people who don't share my opinion. I don't hate them at all. They're cool!! I'm just an overly emotional person on the internet who wants to wring the neck of a fictional dragon as if it were a wet towel.

Oh yeah, I also get a wee bit...intense and very aggressive. Be warned.

With that being said, I'll begin.

Webs is a nothing character. I don't think I have ever seen such a frustratingly empty and lifeless character. He is a shell. A husk. Any words he says holds no weight or meaning. He is speaking, but not talking. He has zero personality. He has no life. Looking at him and seeing him and his words gives off nothing. He is more hollow than an NPC in a early SNES game that only repeats the same line of dialogue.

Webs and his lack of a compelling personality is a large part of why I despise him. The greatest sin a character can be is boring. I can handle annoying characters, because at least then they have something to latch onto. A character that is completely dull is beyond infuriating. I want to bite a hole in his neck. He's soulless. He does not exist as a person. He is words on a page. It sounds redundant since every single character is technically just that, but their personality is what makes them real. Webs is not real. Webs is not even two-dimensional. I hesitate to say he's even one-dimensional since that would imply there's a dimension to his character.

I adore characters. Characters and dialogue are my favourite things to write about. I like my larger than life characters and personalities, obviously. I love being entertained by fun and compelling characters. While I'm personally fond of villains, I enjoy just about any character with...something to latch onto. Something to make me care about them for one reason or another. Whether it be their backstory, personality, relationships with the other characters, etc.

Webs is an void of creativity and depth. He is a cosmic horror with how maddeningly and stupidly terrible he is. It genuinely makes my blood boil and head spin to think about him. I'm on the verge of an actual headache writing this. I despise this terrible thing.

Webs is not a character. Webs is an anomaly. It is borderline impossible to somehow create a character that is virtually impossible to find anything to care about, but Tui managed to do it. I'd compare him to smooth, wet surface with no grip or anything to latch onto, but that would imply that he would be interesting in any regard. A surface that doesn't have anything to hold onto is fascinating. Webs is not that. Webs and his lack of anything is beyond that. He is worse than boring. I hate him.

That's not even mentioning the stuff he's done. Oh GOD the stuff he's done.

Webs often gets labeled as the ""best"" guardian because he doesn't explicitly physically and verbally abuse children. How sweet!! I'm going to bash his head into a wall and watch the entrails spill out and onto my hands. He STILL neglected the DoD and sat there like a spineless coward while they were being abused.

Hey, wanna hear something that'll blow your mind into a thousand pieces and leave you a bloody screaming mess on the floor, wailing in agony and begging God to save you from this hell? Neglect is still abuse!! Yippeee!!!! Wahoo!! :)

Webs sat there like a useless coward while children were abused. So likable!! Yeah, realistic for his character (which is so shallow that it's just flat earth), but it doesn't make me care about him. It makes me hate him. I hate Webs. I hate him so much.

Webs was scared of Kestrel and Dune, but that doesn't excuse him from sitting idly by like the goddamn waste of space that he is and doing absolutely nothing. He then is seem as the "good guy" by the DoD because ohhh boo hoo he's so sad and pathetic. :((( Yeah he's pathetic. I want to see him dropped off a cliff and fall to his demise.

B–b–but what about Riptide? Riptide? Who gives a shit about him and Riptide?? The books don't!! The books had the FULL power to turn this into an actually interesting plot point and did NOTHING! NOTHING!!! Riptide is a stale and empty piece of cardboard (like father like son), but husband only saving grace is that he has a SHRED more personality and charm than his limp-dick bastard father.

But, okay. Okay, okay, okay. I suppose I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Let's see what Webs did.

Oh!! Webs basically abandoned his wife and infant child and left them for dead? He allowed his wife to be executed by Coral and for his son to be known and have to carry the weight of being the son of the kingdom's betrayer? HOW WONDERFUL! HOW NICE! HOW GOOD! God I want to see the life drain from the eyes of this overized Petsmart disease-ridden gecko.

The worst part is KNOWING he could've been better. This whole plot point? It could've been so interesting. So nuanced. But, NO!! No, no, NO! That would require Tui putting some actual goddamn effort and work into this character, which he doesn't deserve in the slightest. What does he deserve? Being put six feet underground.

Webs is a parasite on my mind. I have never wanted to have anybody suffer like him. I hope there is a dragon hell so that he gets to live through the torment he forced his wife, Riptide, and all of the Dragonets of Destiny through for eternity. I hope he feels his wife's throat being torn open by Coral and the agony from it. I hope he feels every lash and every cut and every insult that Kestrel and Dune dealt out to the DoD. I hope he doesn't get a moment of peace.

He should have died at the very least. He is the least interesting guardian out of all of them. For GOD'S sake Asha and Hvitur are infinitely more interesting characters than him. ASHA DOESN'T EVEN FUCKING SHOW UP. SHE'S DEAD BEFORE THE STORY STARTS.

Kestrel has connections and links to such important characters. I don't like her and disagree that she should've lived past TDP, but I respect her character. Her impact on the DoD, Peril, Sky, etc is undeniable.

Dune has connections to Six-Claws and Thorn. We know he was a trusted member of the Outclaws and was once highly respected.

Hvitur, despite being an IceWing and not a part of the prophecy, is accepted to be a guardian. He believed with all of his might and soul that the prophecy would work. He had faith.

Asha, despite being a MudWing, desired a family. It's mentioned by Cattail and leaves open the idea that Asha was uncharacteristically caring and sweet for an adult MudWing. I always believed she was like Hvitur in a sense, joining the cause because she wanted to raise children and help end the war.

Webs has nothing. He is nothing. He is worthless. He is useless. He is a coward. I want him gone. Killing him in fanfiction or even in canon isn't enough now. I need him erased from existence. I don't want to spare another fraction of a millisecond to think about him. He doesn't deserve it.

I hate Webs.

[greatwyrmgold]

A Thematic Analysis of Starship Velociraptor

Those familiar with Galactikraken's debut album might think thematic analysis of Starship Velociraptor is pointless. Its songs are quite obviously about whatever the band members thought was rad, and I won't disagree with that conclusion.

But that conclusion is incomplete. I've listened to most of the album over and over, and there are patterns in what Galactikraken considers rad. There are three recurring points that I'd like to draw attention to: Anti-authoritarianism, wealth, and piracy.

A couple quick points. First, I will use "Galactikraken" to refer to the metaphorical narrator of these songs and the collective voice of Johnathan Young and his band members. Second, I'm mostly discussing the songs, and will bring up the animated music videos when they compliment or contrast the songs' narrative in some interesting way.

Now, let's start where the album does.

Glory or Gold

What's rad? Piracy Pirates mentioned? Obviously

Appropriately, the first song in the album clearly establishes its primary themes and focuses on the recurring motif of piracy. Its chorus clarifies the thesis:

So hoist up the Jolly Roger, we're taking a ride. Take back the life that they denied. For glory or gold, we sail across the galaxy, Our sovereign starship flying free. Forever, our treasure taken from plutocracy. We've all got mouths to fuckin' feed. So it's a pirate's life for me!

Relevant conjecture: Any sentence containing a word ending with either "-archy" or "-cracy" will make a political statement.

In this case, Galactikraken seems critical of plutocracy. They don't adopt a pirate's life because they want to be rich and famous; they do it because their lives were denied by the wealthy elites, and they still have mouths to feed.

Verse 1 hones this criticism beyond the vague concept of plutocracy to what I can only call capitalism.

All of my crew and I are wanted for the highest form of treason: For questioning authority demanding we sweat and bleed and slave our lives away, then call it freedom.

I don't know what Galactikraken's real-world political beliefs are. But I know what they wrote, and this? Profiting off the sweat and blood of an underclass, and claiming that that underclass is free? That's capitalism, baby.

"Glory or Gold" isn't a detailed or nuanced critique of capitalism; it's a sail-by broadside against its worst excesses. But it's there, and it's worth examining. Practically every line of this song is condemning the "plutocracy," holding it responsible for everything that drove them to piracy.

I also feel it's worth pointing out that this song mixes "authority," "plutocracy," and "the crown". Part of this is presumably because those lines sound good with those specific words, but it also means that we can't assume every king in one of these songs is a literal king. That's just how symbolism works—especially in music, where the words you use are limited by rhyme, meter, and whether the word's sounds sound good with the other songs in that line.

Best Band in the Universe

What's rad? Music, hubris, profanity Pirates mentioned? Only if you assume all songs in the album are about the same group of pirates, in which case pirates are mentioned in all songs

I don't have much to say about this song, because I personally don't like it, because of reasons that are completely irrelevant to this post.

What is relevant to this post is that one of the reasons Galactikraken declares itself "super cool" is that they "break the rules". That anti-authoritarian streak is present.

Settle it With a Swordfight

What's rad? Swordfights, especially ideological ones Pirates mentioned? Yes

This song is the second-most-obvious example of Galactikraken just writing songs about cool stuff. Which isn't a criticism, it's a statement of fact. I like "Settle it With a Swordfight," but beyond being cool, it's kinda dissonant with the rest of the album.

Well, if you roll with us and you’re not seeing eye to eye, A problem on the crew you know that words just won’t revise. When there’s nothing left to say, you’ve got to let your blade reply. Someone’s gonna die. (Settle it with a swordfight!) If we can’t tell just who’s right, (Settle it with a swordfight!)

Anyone who watches shonen anime knows the kind of fight this song is about. Two characters disagree, and they come to blows over it. The resulting fight challenges both characters' conviction and ideals as much as it challenges their strength and skill. It's undeniably cool!

It's also pretty much the only time a song in Starship Velociraptor praises violence against pirates. And it's absolutely praised, "Cold steel can justify your sins" and all that. Other songs in the album praise violence of various kinds, but violence against authorities, not fellow pirates.

Hyperspeed

What's rad? Speed, starships Pirates mentioned? No

This song is pretty straightforward. The first line tells you what to expect:

The only thing that gets me high is going faster than the light.

There are some love-song undertones in there, but this is mostly a song about going fast and why going fast is cool.

If you sail away with me, we'd escape reality. So accelerate in one, two, three!

Speed and flight are common symbols for freedom, a theme which is pretty prominent in this album. "Hyperspeed" fits this reading like a glove, and its music video even more so. (In my opinion, "Hyperspeed"'s music video fits it better than any of the other animated music videos.)

Army of Tigers

What's rad? Tigers, armies Pirates mentioned? No

"Army of Tigers" poses a bit of a problem for this analysis.

On one hand, the tiger general attacking the Sun could be symbolic. The Sun might represent an unjust authority, a world order most people see as natural and benevolent, even as it "sends us cataclysmic cancers" and stuff.

On the other hand...

Quench the final fire, extinguish heaven's light! I command an army of tigers. Defeat the Sun tonight!

That's a hell of a chorus, and that might be reason enough for Galactikraken to assault that castle in the void.

Storm the Castle

What's rad? Regicide Pirates mentioned? Not really

We will not be prisoners in a kingdom taken hostage by her crown.

Is a kingdom really mighty when for a sick and starving child it doesn’t care?

Storm the castle, kill the king!

Even if the word "monarchy" isn't technically used here, my prior conjecture seems pretty relevant. Whatever the king represents, Galactikraken hates it. And we've talked about how fluid symbolism can be.

But why does Galactikraken want to kill the king? I'd quote relevant lines, but that's like half the song. The king deserves death because of how the kingdom suffers under his rule. He says that he's protecting the kingdom, when he's the greatest threat to the people.

The hypocrisy is part of the problem, but for the most part "Storm the Castle" focuses on the "countrymen...drowning in despair". The king isn't bad because of some abstract notion of freedom, or because he's an ugly pig monster, or even because he's a liar. He's bad because his wealth starves the common people.

(Which is part of why I think "Storm the Castle" has the worst animated music video. It focuses on the cruelty of the wolves and the malice of the secret pig demon thing, making the evil more individualized and less systemic. Yeah, the fat pig monster in throne armor makes a cooler fight scene than a cowering aristocrat surrounded by elite guards, but trying to make that part cool undermines the song the video is supposed to support!)

Anyways. The song is literally a call to action, albeit against a fictional/allegorical king. The peasantry (proletariat) need to put aside their petty concerns and unite against the crown (against authority, against plutocracy). This isn't just a matter of political philosophy; we've all got mouths to fucking feed.

The obvious thematic resonance between "Storm the Castle" and "Glory or Gold" is the whole reason this post exists.

Starship Velociraptor

What's rad? Luxury starships Pirates mentioned? Surprisingly not

This song is the most obvious example of Galactikraken just writing songs about cool stuff. Which isn't a criticism, but it's absolutely impossible to ignore after writing about symbolic regicide.

To be balanced: "Starship Velociraptor" is, in part, expressing the same kind of fantasy as "Hyperspeed". The fantasy of zooming around the galaxy in a super-fast starship is a key part of the song.

But the titular starship has comfort, speed, and style; moreover, comfort gets more focus than speed and style more than comfort. The starship isn't "the finest ship in the galaxy" because it's practical, but because it's opulent.

Practically every description we get of the starship focuses on pointless opulence. "Hardwood floors instead of tile," "leather seats," "a fridge that's full of meat," "that holographic suite". Sure, that stuff was written because it rhymes, but most of it rhymes with itself. Galactikraken picked a bunch of cool-sounding stuff that rhymes to describe their cool starship, and most of that stuff is opulence.

I don't want to shame anyone for wanting opulent stuff, but the focus on opulence is remarkable, considering most of the album's more negative perspective on wealth.

His keep ship could shelter hundreds, His gold meat could feed far more. I have just one last question: What are you waiting for?!

It would be one thing if the song was about a bunch of pirates stealing some plutocrat's yacht from under his nose and using it as their flagship, but it's not. It's basically a car ad?

You've got to get it You can buy on credit Our payment plan, you won't regret it, yeah

The song feels deeply consumerist, like an ad manufacturing desire for pointless luxuries. And this consumerism is played straight. I don't like "Best Band in the Universe," but I recognize that Galactikraken was trying to make its hubris the butt of the joke. I don't get that sense from "Starship Velociraptor". It's just an earnest luxury car ad.

The music video is a bit different—perhaps the biggest gap between music and video on the album. Part of that is aesthetic; the animated starship looks practical, tile floors instead of hardwood. But it also plays up the escapism potential of a starship.

Part of this is because the video's central character is an ordinary Earthling who literally escapes her boring office job to board the starship, but part of it is because we see the starship doing stuff. We spend some time focusing on the interior, matching the lyrics; most of the rest of the video is focused on 90's sci-fi anime action. The starship zooms through space, it gets into battles, the central character hangs out with space people on and off the ship. The animation focuses less on the starship as an object than as a place where cool things happen.

Man the Cannons

What's rad? Wooden ships and iron men Pirates mentioned? Kinda

I mean, pirates and pirate iconography aren't mentioned, but who else on the high seas has cannons and swords and boarding actions? Marines, I guess, but that doesn't fit the treasure focus or the anti-authority vibes of the rest of the album.

Anyways. "Man the Cannons" doesn't introduce much new thematic stuff. Ambiguous piracy as a path to freedom, rad treasure, rad swordfights, teamwork makes the dreamwork. ("And if we band together, so it shall be.") And anti-authoritarianism, of course!

Defying law and nation, defying god and king. Through trial and tribulation, we smile and sing.

It works, I don't dislike the song, but after going through most of the album, I have nothing new to say about this song.

Jetpack Race

What's rad? Jetpacks, flight, escapism Pirates mentioned?

You know how I've talked about speed and flight being symbols of freedom? This song all but turns that into text.

A cog in some machine, you're chasing after dopamine, you wish that you could find a way to fly

Despite the upbeat melody and tempo, "Jetpack Race" has the second-bleakest lyrics of any song in Starship Velociraptor. The verses and half of the chorus are talking about the dreary mundane life that the jetpack races are supposed to let you escape from!

You didn't ask for this, but ignorance is bliss. You wish that you were just content to be a drone. You know we're all the same, the world's a joke and life's a game, And even all together, we're alone.

It's easy to miss behind the three-digit BPM and C♯ major key, but that's cynical. Especially that last line, which asserts that the solidarity praised in the rest of the song is an illusion.

For me, the most meaningful line is "Running a race that can't be won, you'll feel like you came in last." The ordinary life that Authority wants you to live is a scam that can't be run, that does its best to make you feel responsible for your failures, no matter how untrue that is. That's why we hoist up the Jolly Roger...or put on a jetpack, I guess.

10,000 Light Years

What's rad? I dunno, pining? Pirates mentioned? Via synonyms like "outlaw" and "privateer". (Bah, privateers are pirate sell-outs.)

If "Hyperspeed" is a spaceship song with love song undertones, "10,000 Light Years" is a love song with spaceship undertones. Being aromantic, I do not understand why all y'all allos would like being lonely and wishing you weren't light-millennia from the stranger you got a crush on.

But I do understand themes, and some of the familiar ones pop up through the romantic(?) longing. Like the bit where Galactikraken mentions "sign[ing] my life away off-world". Ultimately, the conflict in this song is caused by the same thing as in most Starship Velociraptor songs.

Our own enemy within, drowning us in despair. The crown, authority, plutocracy. The forces demanding that we sweat and bleed, then call it freedom.

It's also worth noting that the tempo and key are more mournful than most of the album, which makes the last song feel less aberrant.

Final Frontier

What's rad? Not. Us. Pirates mentioned? No

For our home we destroyed, so we sail onto the void For an undiscovered system far from here. If the wind takes our sails, if we live to tell the tale, For the end of Mother Earth is drawing near.

To wherever the wind may take us, Lady Luck, just don't forsake us. If we're ready or not, this is our judgement day.

But who can trust us once they learn why we're adrift, If we can't even trust ourselves? We are but insects, undeserving of their gifts. We all deserve to burn in hell.

Yeah, that beats "Jetpack Race".

"Final Frontier" is a powerful song, and it's stronger for the obvious contrast with the rest of the album. The worst emotions the other songs tried to evoke were romantic nostalgia and righteous fury. "Final Frontier" is nothing but despair and shame.

Does it fit with the themes of Starship Velociraptor?

Well, it has nautical metaphors and space as escapism (of a sort), so there's some recurring motifs.

Our greed and vanity have brought this final shame...

Ah, yes. Plutocracy.

The "burning bed our fathers made" is global warming, pollution, mining runoff, the Holocene extinction, a thousand other little ways that "the crown" fucks over the planet to extract every nugget of gold, literal and metaphorical.

This is what happens if we obey authority, if we don't defy law or nation, if we just chase after dopamine until it's too late. This is the future if we don't kill the king.

Exiled humanity and all of us to blame

We all deserve to burn in hell

I don't know how I feel about this.

Is "Final Frontier" condemning every man and woman on this planet, holding them all responsible for what we've done, because it's ignorant of humanity's power dynamics? Because it doesn't notice or care about parts of the "burning bed" that only burn marginalized humans and not forests?

Or is it holding us responsible for the king's greed and vanity because we didn't stop him? Because we didn't rise, stand, and fight? Because we didn't work hard and persevere? Because we rejected the pirate's life?

Is that right? Is it wrong? I don't know. But that's what the song says.

Weaving the Threads

Let's start with the symbol I've referenced the most. The crown, the sun(?), authority, law and nation, god and king, plutocracy. The bourgeoisie, the men who control the world's wealth and power, using that control to profit off the blood, sweat, and tears of the proletariat.

And then there are pirates. They're only directly mentioned in a fraction of songs, way fewer than I assumed before I actually counted. What do the pirates represent? They're the highest form of treason: Questioning authority. The pirates first seek their own freedom against the tyranny of authority, and then rise in rebellion share that freedom with others. It's all very One Piece.

When you realize what the pirates represent—freedom and rebellion—you start to hear it in all but one of the album's songs. They are speed, they are escapism, they are space itself. They get you off the brakes, they storm the castle, they defeat the sun. You even hear it through the consumerist haze of "Starship Velocity," in the freedom of owning a starship.

This political purity is marred a bit by idolizing the space pirate lifestyle alongside what it represents, idolizing the violence of swordfights and the luxury of space travel and the individualism of whatever's going on in "Jetpack Race".

But the pirate's life is consistently framed as cool because it breaks the rules, because it resists authority. Everything the album frames as rad is connected to anti-authority pirates, directly or through association. And it's everywhere in Starship Velociraptor...

...except "Final Frontier".

The entire album builds up the symbol of the pirate, of freedom and revolution. And then it shows us the world where the pirates lost, or where they never existed. A world where the king ruled until the world was no more.

...

Maybe I'm just projecting my own political beliefs onto an abstract text. Maybe a Nazi or Libertarian could interpret these songs in a way that fits their worldviews. But this is what Starship Velociraptor means to me.

It's a lonely night in hell above this broken privateer, Running a race that can't be won, you'll feel like you came in last. Is a kingdom really mighty when for a sick and starving child it doesn't care? They ask us why we must reply with violence. So let me take you for a ride. 'Cause you clearly have good taste Nothing that we can't achieve, if we only just believe. Your eyes can tell you know you need Takе your freedom, claim your right, For the end of Mother Earth is drawing near. Man the cannons, draw your sword. You're gonna kill that fuckin' guy! Defeat the sun tonight!

[kawarikisaki]

He also seems to trust and respect Akako beyond the crush thing and judging by Sun Halo I think he’s mostly gotten over it. Wether he still likes her(that way) or not is up in the air.

Perhaps this one is going to be a hot take, but I'm not actually convinced that he was ever crushing on Akako.

He thought she was pretty for sure. He blushes the first time he takes notice of her, but if blush was all that was needed to make a crush then Kid makes Hakuba's face much redder than Akako does, just saying.

The first time was see them interact is in A Gift from Akako, but the extent of the interaction is really just that; Akako approaches when Kaito and Hakuba are talking, Hakuba blushes a little 'oh we had a girl like that in our class too?' and then Akako pulls Kaito away. When Akako later impersonates Kaito as Kid she does get a big reaction out of him, but honestly there's not really much there.

I don't think it's enough to claim he has a crush on her, especially when any other time they're together going forward they seem to just be friends- weird friends but friends nonetheless. And even if I were to concede that he had a crush on her we can't be sure that was his real feelings and not the effects of her magic. So that doesn't really mean much.

What does mean something is that like I already brought up their next interactions are weird but friendly.

When Midnight Crow rolls around they're at the point where they can banter a little. The interaction we see is brief, and Kaito is also a part of it, but we see both Akako and Hakuba approach Kaito for the same reason but take different paths to get there. Hakuba saying in more flowery words 'I have white in my name so I don't want to see white lose to black', while Akako says 'this black one may be strong, but I want to see the underdog struggle and win.' Both are expressing that in this instance at least they're rooting for Kaito, they don't want him to lose to anyone unless it's one of them, and they don't really hide this from each other- they do however hide it from Aoko, clamming up when she joins the conversation.

And they do something similar again in Sun Halo, with Akako telling Kaito 'hey I read your fortune, it's not good, maybe postpone what you have planed for tonight, but if you do I'm cheering for you' and Hakuba saying 'oh cool, you've gotten a motorcycle license I'll keep that in mind for later but just so you know that's not allowed at school so maybe don't break the law in your civilian persona.' Though notably this time they do it in front of Aoko, though do still take steps to make sure that Aoko doesn't hear a single accusation of Kaito being Kid.

So what does this mean? Akako and Kaito are both aware that the other is an ally.

And we actually see that come into play later in Sun Halo when Akako calls Hakuba and essentially entrusts him with one of her greatest secrets, admitting to having summoned Lucifer to obtain information on where Kid was. And while Hakuba probably doesn't believe that's really her source he does end up trusting her enough to take the clue she got him and is able to follow it to it's conclusion, and when asked how he did it he doesn't tell anyone, but he does inwardly thank Akako for the hint. Just that shows so much respect and trust between these two. It's lovely, magical even, that Akako trusts Hakuba with her secret and Hakuba earns that trust by not outing her but respects her enough to take it as true whether he believes the source or not.

Also the fact that he has her number in his phone and answered even though he was busy. This doesn't seem like something that happens very often, seeing as Hakuba seems a bit surprised by it, but even so it speaks to the idea that these two have interacted outside of what we've seen. So yes, Trust, Respect, Friendship, bonding over their shared rival/friend..... that makes it sound like a Shonen battle manga, but I definitely think it's accurate.

[mystery-moose]

WELL I WAS GONNA GO EAT BUT OKAY LETS DO THIS

Here's a snippet of "alternate meeting":

She was hurt. He could tell even before he noticed the tiny drops of blood on the hardwood. Partially because she should have caught him by now, should have rounded on him blade at the ready before smiling that smile that warmed his chest and telling him that she’d clocked him ages ago and saw right through the mask he was wearing. Instead, she was in the bathroom, washing her hands under too-hot water, breathing a little harder than she should. He made sure the first sound she noticed was his voice. “Princess.” She spun, and even injured, she was fast — her knife was pointed at him exactly where he stood in the dark bedroom, harsh white light bleeding in from the bathroom. Briefly, he saw her the way any other might: a desperate animal, claws out, backed into a corner. But she recognized his voice, and the muscles around her eyes softened. The predator, soothed, faded away.

I don't usually go in for pre-canon AUs, especially in ongoing works that aren't complete yet, because I feel like... I don't have all the toys in the toybox to play with yet? And I tend to want to stick to canon as much as I can, for whatever its worth. But I've seen a few other people tackle this idea and some of them inspired me. It's definitely a way to focus in on the relationship between these two without that pesky kid and dog getting in the way!

Beyond that, I think it's a really cool idea to bring focus to things Twilight wants outside of the domestic. In canon, it's obvious he wishes he could be Loid Forger (and to an extent Loid Forger isn't really a mask at all) but I also love the idea that he might not actually want a simple family life with a simple civilian woman, but just... someone who understands him. Understands why he does what he does, has similar thoughts or feelings or experiences or background. The thought that he might still have found that with Yor under very different circumstances tickles the irony part of my brain.

Also it let's them meet on equal footing and display competency to each other, and since that does a lot for me personally I have to imagine it works for them too.

ANYWAY now here's "indulgence"!

"Gods, this is nice," he murmured. Karlach sighed, her hands playing with his, squeezing, tracing his fingers. She felt the softness of his palms as much as the brass scales on the backs of his hands. Her tail encircled and stroked his shin, and her feet tapped against the tops of his, doing a little dance. She always had so much energy when they went to bed together, energy he usually had to thoroughly expel from her in very satisfying ways… but tonight, he could tell this was all she wanted. He was happy to give it to her. “It is, isn’t it?” she said, laughing softly and kissing his palm. “Creature comforts.” “Mmhmm.” He nuzzled the back of her neck, closing his eyes. If he closed his eyes, it felt (and smelled) a bit like embracing a campfire, though a fair bit more pleasant. “Necessities, more like.” “You really are a bit of a ponce, aren’t you,” she said with a chuckle. “I am not,” he replied, feigning offense as he tickled the bottom of her foot with his toe. He felt her jump a little and it warmed him almost as much as her engine did. “I simply prefer the indoors to the outdoors. What’s precisely wrong with that?” “Pretty boring, really.” She elbowed him gently in the stomach. “Life happens outdoors.” “And I’d rather ‘life’ didn’t protrude up into my shoulder blades when I’m trying to sleep. Or seep through my tent when it storms. Or get into my bedroll and lay eggs. Or—” “Alright, alright,” she laughed, turning her head and looking over her shoulder into his eyes. “Baby.”

...so you can tell where the title came from!

I didn't really have a direction or a structure for this when I started it (the real reason for the title) but as I got further, I started to think about a selection of bedtime moments between my Tav (Sevistur the dragonborn paladin) and Karlach. The first time they sleep next to each other, the first time they sleep with each other, the first time they share a roof, the first time they share a bath or a bed. A sort of timeline of expanding boundaries and deepening intimacy.

I think the general thrust of it would be Sev coming to grips with how much he cares for Karlach, and then how much he needs to solve Karlach's condition, with him very quietly deciding what he wants to do about it. The thing is, he knows she doesn't wanna argue about it, so it's gotta go pretty much unsaid for most of it, living mostly in his interiority up until we get to the end, which has to take place in either Avernus or the epilogue. I haven't quite gotten that far!

I definitely want to, though. Karlach is easily my favorite romanceable NPC in years, and in a game that also includes Shadowheart that is saying something. It always makes me feel a bit strange to write an OC romancing a canon character, but that's kind of the whole point of BG3, and I like them too much to let that weird hangup of mine stop me, so here we are!

[yvtro]

imo the more interesting tim&jason dynamic /is/ the "they're only like 2 years apart" one (esp wrt "jason was tim's robin"? seems (to me) to have more potential if it's like "this kid who is my age is doing cool shit, I want to do cool shit like them, because they're my age and that hits close to home") personally am genuinely unsure why "tim is a poor little meow meow" seems to be more popular despite how it fucks both their characterizations lol

i will answer to both of you here, as it's related to the same post!

just in case i want to say that there's plenty of aspects of tim's storyline that have lots of potential. and there certainly could be an interesting one involving jason too. alas.

i think in general fanon tim is just a poor little meow meow. it's really ironic how when he was introduced, the writers wanted to make him more "likable" than jay, and they didn't want batman to play a full-time dad, so in place of jay's insecurity and need for parental love tim gets two living parents and is, for the most part, self-assured. there's some canon progression which disturbs this status quo of course, but it's fanon that turned his storyline into one about neglect.

so apparently all writers should have done to make the new robin a fan favourite was keeping jason's struggles and just making tim wealthy. real "what's cool when you're rich but trash when you're poor?" moment. having attachment issues, apparently.

and don't get me wrong, there is place for meta about tim's parents being neglectful, even if the creators originally wanted to achieve the opposite. but i find the extent to which fanon pushes this idea and makes it his sole source of personality a bit astonishing, especially that canon tim, for the most part, doesn't share any of these issues. and personally, his initial motivations that stem from his fascination with vigilantism seem much more appealing to me.

as you said: "this kid who is my age is doing cool shit, I want to do cool shit like them, because they're my age and that hits close to home." maybe it's a bit simplified, but tim being just a child who gets himself into something much bigger than himself without really realising the consequences – and essentially both traumatising himself as a result (while also finding family, one does not exclude another) is a pretty fascinating concept.

and like. canon tim is plenty weird about jason, okay. so i think their confrontation at some point would be interesting. and probably awkward.

btw we don't actually get to see jason and tim's first interactions after jay's resurrection. i said it before, but for christ's sake, the teen titans tower incident is no longer canon, and for a good reason, especially that in that era jason is portrayed as having a psychotic break and tim hates his guts and calls him deranged?

how do you derive an enemy to caretaker trope from this is beyond me tbh. it sounds good in theory, right, because it refers to jay's inherent kindness, but you do have to make them "enemies" in the first place, or at least jason the aggressor – which you need to follow the ableist storyline for (i really doubt jason would actually care about tim much if he was more stable, and he definitely wouldn't want to hurt him), and all i can ask is: why. find something new.

i don't know, if there's any actually interesting tim & jason fanfics that don't follow these cliches you should let me know, because the majority of the tag definitely isn't for me.

[desaturatedd]

𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐎𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐄 ! ( a  collection  of  dialogue sentence  starters  by elmer c . albatross from baccano ! )

𝐕𝐎𝐋. 𝟓: 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄

❛ c'mon and smile. ❜

❛ guess i didn't even need to check; you look fine. ❜

❛ when you're panicking, for starters, it's better to smile. smiling will cool your head. ❜

❛ if you can smile, that means you're still at least a little human. ❜

❛ no matter how small the possibility is, i want to try. ❜

❛ i think it's important to respect the dead — but they don't really interest me. ❜

❛ i doubt my whole body could express this joy with anything less than an explosion. ❜

❛ you may think you've got me cornered, but think again! ❜

❛ why do you sound all grown-up all of a sudden? ❜

❛ smiles are the highest of all human emotions! ❜

❛ you're a pretty good guy yourself, so relax and just live. ❜

❛ if you're going to get all worked up over not being good, why not just be good? ❜

❛ people can change, too. ❜

❛ if it'll make you smile, i'll do anything to help. ❜

❛ there are no limits to recklessness! everything that goes beyond its own limits is reckless. ❜

❛ for the sake of a happy ending, i'd sell everyone in the world to the devil without a second thought. ❜

❛ if someone's died a meaningful death, i'll applaud them. ❜

❛ being unhappy isn't a crime, but not seeking happiness is. ❜

❛ lots of people die never even knowing the word hope. but you know about hope. denying that is an insult to your life. ❜

❛ i'll teach you. i'll show you, alright? i'll teach you, i swear, no matter how many years it takes.❜

❛ smiles give me strength. ❜

𝐕𝐎𝐋. 𝟏𝟏: 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐈𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐂 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀

❛ if i stay here any longer, you won't be happy. you'll just get annoyed. ❜

❛ the thing is, i've lost my way. ❜

❛ you should smile more when you hit people. ❜

❛ people generally enjoy looking down on others. ❜

❛ even if you're fine with that, i'm not. ❜

❛ it doesn't matter whether i die or not, though. ❜

❛ is there anyone who'll be sad if you die? ❜

❛ oh good. you'll be able to die happy, then. ❜

❛ if you've forgotten how to smile, i'll teach you. ❜

❛ as long as you're alive, you can get through just about anything. ❜

❛ i promise, no matter what i learn about people's pasts, i won't blab about it. ❜

❛ if you're warning me, that means you're worried about me. ❜

❛ because i want to see everybody smile. ❜

❛ ignorance isn't a crime, but i don't want someone to be unhappy because i used it as an excuse. ❜

❛ what do you suppose i'd have to do to make everyone in the world happy? ❜

❛ i think choices are a fundamental part of human happiness. ❜

𝐕𝐎𝐋. 𝟏𝟑: 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐒𝐀𝐁𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐇

❛ i did listen. and then i ignored you. ❜

❛ can't get away with anything around you, huh? ❜

❛ hey, what happens if it summons something? ❜

❛ i'm going even if it is a trap. ❜

❛ i do want to see ____ again; it's been so long. ❜

❛ we've known each other for _____ years, but we've never fought. ❜

❛ he may not look it, but he likes to make a dramatic entrance. ❜

❛ well, it isn't as if i didn't expect that. ❜

❛ if i could use real magic and started casting my spells everywhere, i bet i'd upset people from all sorts of religions. ❜

❛ hi there. we haven't met before... i don't think? ❜

❛ actually, just between us, i'm older than i look. ❜

❛ whoops. you're busy, and here i've been chatting about nothing at all. i'm sorry. ❜

❛ i think you'll find happiness someday. ❜

❛ every smile you've shown me has been fake. ❜

❛ show _____ how cool you are once in a while. ❜

❛ let's go with not killing them. ❜

❛ i could wish you happiness, but you're happy already. ❜

❛ he couldn't stand me, for some reason. ❜

𝐕𝐎𝐋. 𝟏𝟒: 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐊 𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐑𝐎𝐀𝐃

❛ i think it's a terrific plan that will leave us all smiling! ❜

❛ if there's an accident, more people might survive with one more capable body. ❜

❛ you may not believe me, but... the thing is, i'm not human. ❜

❛ i wonder if these people had families. ❜

❛ how can we help their loved ones recover from their deaths as quickly as possible? ❜

𝐕𝐎𝐋. 𝟏𝟓: 𝐂𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐆

❛ your sheep's clothing never ceases to amaze me. ❜

❛ all's well that ends well! ❜

❛ fake smiles are no good. ❜

❛ are you jealous of me? ❜

❛ none of you know anything about my past. ❜

❛ i'll tell you about it, if you ask me. ❜

❛ wanna go sneak in? it'll be fun, i'm sure! ❜

❛ i figured it'd be faster to check into it on my own. ❜

❛ we can just pretend we didn't see it and forget all about it, right? ❜

❛ right now, your smile stopped being real. ❜

❛ you're being remarkably honest. ❜

❛ you almost never show your true self to anyone. ❜

❛ i know what your own eyes can't tell you, obviously. ❜

❛ you're incredible! i bet you're a genius! ❜

❛ what matters is whether you trust _____ or not. ❜

❛ do you believe they'd betray you? ❜

❛ a person who wants to destroy the world shouldn't be talking about peace. ❜

❛ you really shouldn't trust someone like me! you'd better be careful! ❜

❛ well done! it's so helpful how quick you are! ❜

❛ you're asking the wrong person. ❜

❛ hi there. i came over to spend time with you. ❜

❛ i didn't come to laugh at you, i came to make you laugh. ❜

❛ everyone has an equal right to smile. ❜

❛ you don't need to forgive them. ❜

❛ if i'm funny, then laugh. ❜

❛ i played a little trick on him. ❜

❛ i never thought they'd actually fall for that. ❜

❛ wow, am i glad to see someone i know! ❜

❛ walking alone at night really does make you nervous, doesn't it? ❜

❛ relax and smile, please. ❜

❛ are you alright? you don't look so great. ❜

❛ your friend grew while you weren't looking. ❜

❛ people change. maybe they turned into somebody different when you weren't paying attention, but that doesn't mean you have to be sad. ❜

❛ don't be so pessimistic about everything. ❜

❛ that's all you ever had to say, you know. that's enough for me. ❜

𝐕𝐎𝐋. 𝟏𝟔: 𝐌𝐀𝐍 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐑

❛ what are you doing out here? ❜

❛ if you fall, you'll almost definitely die. ❜

❛ i'm not sure what's the best way to put this... but i think you probably shouldn't. don't you? ❜

❛ i was out here first, you know. ❜

❛ what'd you think of my joke? ❜

❛ i may not succeed in stopping you, but it would still give me the experience of trying. ❜

❛ will dying make you happy? ❜

❛ do you think you'll go to heaven when you die? ❜

❛ if leaving you alone would make you happy, then i'd gladly do it, but... ❜

❛ you thought i was feeling bad for you, didn't you? ❜

❛ you're a good kid, aren't you? ❜

❛ i'm just a smidge immortal. ❜

❛ i wasn't trying to eavesdrop. ❜

❛ i sense a new business opportunity here. ❜

❛ it's been a long time since i met anyone this interesting. ❜

❛ how can i make it up to you? ❜

❛ i had no idea this town was in crisis because of me! ❜

❛ thank you... thank you so, so much! you've shown me the error of my ways! ❜

❛ even if the world doesn't forgive you, you only need to have one person who does. ❜

❛ if nobody forgives you, then i'll forgive you! even if i don't know what for! ❜

❛ because it'll make me happy. ❜

❛ people do call me crazy quite a lot. ❜

❛ if lunacy is your philosophy, that's terrific. ❜

❛ earth is so incredible. i think we're lucky just to be living on it. ❜

❛ i want to know whether _____ can be happy. ❜

❛ if you just decide to have fun for now, i think the sadness will probably go away. so come on and smile! ❜

❛ are you worried about something? ❜

❛ if you don't know what to do, then smile! ❜

❛ smiles are magic, you know. ❜

❛ all you have to do is sell your soul. ❜

❛ you okay? that was a close one, huh? ❜

❛ you don't get to decide whether you're worth it. ❜

❛ you're, uh — what's the best way to put this? you're a good guy. ❜

❛ i can always tell when people are faking their smiles. ❜

❛ you're a good guy. i just wanted to let you know. ❜

❛ are you satisfied now? ❜

❛ it's scary what can happen by coincidence, but it's fun in its own way. ❜

❛ maybe i'll have found a way to get rid of your pain by then, and the wounds of the people you hurt may have healed. ❜

❛ that was lucky, huh? they let us go without a scratch. ❜

❛ now that your revenge is complete, do you think you'll be able to smile sincerely?❜

❛ revenge isn't something you do for the person who died, you know. you do it to resolve whatever's in your own heart that isn't satisfied so that you can move forward. so that you can live. ❜

❛ you have the right to be happy now. ❜

❛ i don't know whether what you did was right or wrong, and i don't actually care. ❜

❛ are you wondering whether you should atone for your crimes? ❜

❛ if you regret it, just think of a way to start over. ❜

❛ there's absolutely no reason to give up. ❜

❛ i will never deny your right to be happy, even if the rest of the world does. ❜

❛ my friend always says people should be way more afraid of me with good intentions than of god with bad intentions! ❜

❛ you don't have to stop crying, but for now, smile! go on and smile! ❜

𝐕𝐎𝐋. 𝟏𝟕: 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐄

❛ that's right, i haven't introduced myself yet. of course you're suspicious. ❜

❛ so, what do you want to do now? ❜

❛ i'd like to start by asking why you look so sad, but i won't force you to talk about it if you don't want to. ❜

❛ i just thought i might be able to help you out with whatever it is that you want to do next. ❜

❛ you want to see this person, don't you? ❜

❛ will that satisfy you enough to let you smile? ❜

❛ maybe you're thinking 'nobody asked you' or 'this has nothing to do with you.' ❜

❛ it's kind of an important issue. it's going to affect how enthusiastic i am about this. ❜

❛ aw, i've been rejected! will you comfort me? ❜

❛ i'm sorry if i upset you. ❜

❛ i don't know anything about romance. ❜

❛ if it made you feel better and smile, i'd let you punch me or stab me as much as you wanted. ❜

❛ don't you worry. in fact, i'm glad you weren't serious. ❜

❛ i think someone like me probably shouldn't get married. ❜

❛ so who is this person you've fallen for? ❜

❛ if there's anything i can do to help you, i'll do it. ❜

❛ hello there. another terrific smile today. ❜

❛ oh good! because of you, i get to live longer. thank you! ❜

❛ i thought we had plenty of trouble already, but i suppose it wasn't as bad as it could get! ❜

❛ let's smile a lot before everything gets worse! ❜

❛ i think you just said something rude about me, but i've probably insulted you, too, so i'm sorry. ❜

❛ if you said that getting revenge would make you smile, i'd gladly help you. no matter what you're trying to do. ❜

❛ my goal is to make everybody on the planet smile. ❜

❛ if there's a road to travel on, i'll be able to get there someday. ❜

❛ i'd like to figure out a way to live a long time. ❜

❛ wait! i'll go, too! let me come! ❜

❛ i'm sure _____'s all right. i don't think they'd be happy to see you so sad, you know? you should smile. c'mon, smile, smile. ❜

❛ it really does bring back memories, doesn't it? ❜

❛ faking a smile when nobody's around is kind of odd. ❜

❛ did you bring back anything for me? ❜

❛ i saw a hint of a real smile, although i don't know why it was there. ❜

❛ would saving ______ make you happy? ❜

❛ if you get to see ______ again, will you smile? ❜

❛ if you tell me that, you know i can't turn you down, right? ❜

❛ well, i'm off. i hope we get to meet at least once more while we're still alive. ❜

❛ i hate long goodbyes. it's hard to smile when everyone acts so gloomy. ❜

❛ i'll never forget ______ as long as i live. ❜

❛ you don't have to repay me. just do what you can to help people smile. ❜

❛ you had better keep that promise you made me. ❜

❛ see you later, then. ❜

[juicybiohazard]

Yes, finished my first playthrough of separate ways. The game is RE4 remake so I can't say anything about the gameplay that anyone doesn't already know, so... I'll talk about what I really care about here, the story, you see... Ada Wong and Albert Wesker happen to be my favorite characters in this series, I like the AWs yes. Naturally that means that I noticed how different both are from their original portrayals, listen there is a reason why in my mind the one true canon/continuity is the OG games and not the remakes, because its in those older games when I first experienced the RE world and ended up loving these people as they are, so how I could like these new versions of them when they are so different? they may as well be new characters. The appearance is the only thing they share, they are similar to the OGs on a superficial level but thats where similarities end, and of the two I think Wesker is the one that changed the most and not for the better, from little things like his voice not being so distinctive anymore and sounding generic af to his personality being a cardboard cutout of a cartoon villain, some might say, wasn't Wesker always like that? I mean you can choose to describe him as a cartoon villain but any older version of Wesker wouldn't admit to be willing to murder billions and reveal his plan to some random mercenary he doesn't know... he knows better. Even RE5 Wesker wouldn't do that, ever wondered what happened to the scientists that helped developed Uroboros? You get the general idea from multiple files, it looks like they all got killed and essentially they never even knew what they were doing and what was its true purpose

It goes beyond dialogue, even his mood is different, in the old games he is cool and collected in any situation in this game he is easily irritated by ANYTHING 😂 its kind funny how Ada seems to just exist and Albert huffs at her presence, seriously I could go on forever citing each and every single difference between the old Wesker we know and this new take on the character, but I'd rather end this post today

Like I said before in my little RE4 review, my only real dislikes of this game are the changes to Wesker and Ada, and subsequently Krauser. I loved the dynamic of these three in the old game and its completely gone now. They are no longer deeply connected like before, it's all superficial now, they just happen to be in the same place at the same time due to circumstances of fate, not because they know each other. You know what, that sucks, I don't like that one bit because it feels like taking things away just for the sake of making something different. Ada used to be a true grey character, remember Separate Ways was developed for the ps2 version of the game after it launched on GameCube so the times you saw Ada in the OG game where few, far between and the game gives you no reason to believe she isn't genuinely on Wesker's side. Maybe the devs always wanted her to end up betraying him but whatever the case I'd very much prefer if she wasn't just another good guy, we have enough of those and too many haven't returned for a long time (a lot of people still want Billy and Sheva to return). The amount of heroes in this series is astronomical, do we really need another one? why can't Ada at least be in-between? let her believe that ends justify the means at least, let her believe that some good can come out of eugenics, let her believe that the world needs an enema to erradicate true evil. I don't know I'm rambling here, but I hope this made a bit of sense, I always liked the idea of Ada and Wesker going way back and him being the reason she is alive today, meaning she feels she owes him and genuinely cares about him (I admit this might have never been on the table from the devs perspective so this is just how I wish things were for them) but it is what it is, story aside, the game is fun and this DLC is worth every peny

One last thing...

The post credits scene will live rent free in my head for the coming months, it seems more obvious than ever that RE5 remake is in the works, or it will be after RE9 is out. What a crazy time to be resi fan, it looks like capcom isn't going to stop giving us content. Can't complain about that one

[doodledoesthing3]

SUPER COOL SNEAK PEAKS OF THE CROSSOVER CHAPTER FOR MY FIC! This scene takes place in @monkiebois ‘s Tangled Star au!

Here we go!

1. “Hey there! Have you seen a black monkey? He’s this tall, clearly emo but we haven’t had the talk yet. His name is Macaque and also known as Liu’er Mihou for some odd reason.” Bei Da asked as the baby monkey stared at her in confusion.

The brown monkey began hissing at her, so in response the black haired girl hissed back. They were hissing at each other for a solid five minutes before a familiar voice was heard.

2. “How did you get in Ghonzhu’s garden?” He asked as he picked up Xiaohua.

“How did I get in who’s garden?” She asked back, not knowing who this ‘Ghonzhu’ was.

“Ghonzhu! Tieshan Ghonzhu? Are those ringing any bells for you?” The lotus prince questioned with an annoyed expression.

“Nope!” The child replied.

“Ugh… Princess Iron Fan?”

“PRINCESS IRON FAN?! THIS GARDEN BELONGS TO RED BITCH’S MOM?!” Bei Da loudly exclaimed in shock.

3. “You’re not Macaque. Where’s the real Macaque? Where’s my Macaque?” Bei Da asked as she glared at the monkey.

“Wha…I am Macaque! Who else is Macaque?!” The other version of Macaque exclaimed.

“ME, BITCH!”

Here’s a bonus sneak peak! Since my AU uses songs like there’s no tomorrow, here’s a parody of FNAF The Musical Night 4!

Macaque: Is it true? Are they here? Am I going mad?

TS! Macaque: One mistake's all it takes, and this may go bad!

Macaque: No one's there!

TS! Macaque: No one's there!

Macaque: No one's-

Nezha: Is somebody there?

TS! Macaque: Few more hours left for me to stall!

Bei Da: Why's that nerd sneaking down the hall?

TS! Macaque: No one's there!

Macaque: Someone's there!

TS! Macaque, Bei Da, & Macaque: Wish I could say, no one's/Someone's there!

Tang: Hey there!

Macaque & Bei Da: *scream*

Tang: Ok, good talk…

TS! Macaque: I'll fill the void with noise...just focus on me!

Macaque: Something's breathing out beyond the door!

Ghonzhu: Hey it's me, I swear we've met before!

Macaque: I don't care!

TS! Macaque: No one's there!

Nezha: Where'd Xiaohua go?

Tang: She’s in there!

TS! Macaque: Hurry guys, I think I'm losing ground!

Bei Da: Why's that closet making monkey sounds?!

Xiaohua jumps out of the closet as Macaque and Bei Da scream.

Ghonzhu: Please come help us!

Tang: Hat Kid has gone insane!

Xiaohua: *unintelligible baby monkey sounds*

Nezha: Does this help explain?

That’s all the sneak peaks I have for now! Kay byeeee!

[demystifiedstardust]

Seelies

Not the mythological kind, the Gen//shin kind.

Ever since I started playing this dumb game, they've been driving me insane.

Cw unreality

Why do they look like that? Why are they that color?? That shape??? Why do they have that transparency and flow????

I dropped my tablet the first time I encountered one in Wind//rise. Why? Because that likeness has a very personal significance to me.

Way back in the day when I was quite young, we had a school assignment to draw god (outing my location through this anecdote immediately?? Rip to my cool guy persona). I (wisely imo) didn't turn in the assignment, but if I had followed through, my drawing would not have been supply-side Je//sus but rather a seelie. That same shape, that same color. Albeit much... larger. Much, much larger. Incomprehensiblely large. But still, the spitting image of Gen//shin's seelies.

The world has no shortage of coincidences, and I'm willing to believe this is one hell of a coincidence that I've found myself part of. But I really, really want to know what the design process was like for seelies. Why did the devs choose that likeness specifically? What design considerations were there? Are there discarded drafts? If I could get more information, it would put my overactive brain to rest. Or maybe make it worse, depending on the answers I get. HYV is a large, well-oiled machine of a company, so there must be some market-research reason behind their decision.

...but would I truly be satisfied with an artbook-commentary-style answer? Because at the end of the day, the way that design got into Genshin is only trivia. The real thing I'm grappling with is how to reconcile the divine avatar of my childhood independently cameoing in a video game. Of course, it can't be just any video game, but it has to be the same one that gave a name to my twin, and the same one that gave me a stable sense of fictional self that slotted itself oh-so-slowly-and-seamlessly into my life that I don't see a point disambiguating the "Aether" out of the "me" nowadays (and melusines, I guess, though that's more of an if-the-glove-fits thing). (...and the whale. But that's whole other post to screech about).

It's literally just a video game, meant to have mass appeal. But why does it seem to go beyond that? How does it manage to consistently target intimate parts of my life in such hyperspecific ways?? People joke about instead-of-brain-it's-[interest] but this damn thing is hopelessly rooted into my mind, and every time I think I'm getting used to the flow of things, it finds another way to poke holes into my sense of... self? sense of reality?

Like, I know the devs aren't reaching into my head and pulling out my memories, because that's not a thing. That's literally impossible, and even if it were somehow possible (and I want to reiterate that it's not possible and I don't believe it to be so), they would have no reason to do that. There's no benefit. But damn if it doesn't evoke a similar feeling to my memories being in there.

It annoys me greatly not just because it sounds so fake, but also because I'm not a fan of metaphysical thinking as applied to myself. It would be easy to call this evidence of [insert popular metaphysics], but I will never personally be satisfied with that. (Note: I support spirituality, and metaphysical beliefs are valid! I just have baggage to work through surrounding my own experiences.)

(Note 2: I realize this makes my shark past life hypocritical, but to go into it more deeply would derail the post, so it will have to wait for another time.)

Big props to the devs for sending me through such a mindfuck. Every major story update has me wondering what new plot beats are going to ripple through my life as though I'm a raft on a stormy sea. Ughhh.

[rustycottoncandy]

Why do I create characters?

Lately, there's been a couple of times that have gotten me asking myself why I do these sort of things. Today, I watched a movie (Grease, 1978) and got really invested on it, but why? Why do we watch movies or read books? What's so important about fiction? After all, it's all just made out of lies, right?

We humans have something called imagination. It goes beyond reality, and is able to create concepts, beings, or, gee, even universes that would never EVER take place in the world we live in. Hell, if we want, we can imagine a whole new world with new people and make them interact with each other. Isn't that cool? It's practically what happens when we make stories. In a way, we're basically playing with dolls inside our heads.

Imagination gives us the power to create. We can either use it for something useful, as would be designing the crochet pattern for a hat or a scarf, or for something that won't make our life any easier nor give us something material to work on. Creating a story falls in the second category, yet a lot of times is much more exciting. But why?

I think sometimes it kind of serves as a way to make reality less boring. If there's something you want but it's impossible for you to have, you can make it real inside of a fictional world. Perhaps you find the idea of going on adventures to defeat a dragon very appealing and fun, but you can't do that in real life, so you create characters that can bring to an unreal life your fantasy of going on adventures and having fun in a world very far away from the one we live in.

Sometimes, it might also be because we want to understand the world we live in better, if that makes sense? I'd say some of my stories fall here.

Something I've noticed throughout the years is that my characters always tend to have a little bit of me. There was a time where I was at my lowest point and everything that I felt, I put it into Henry. Sure, he's not a direct reflection of me and pretty much his entire life is made up, but I put that into him and I made him deal with stuff much more complicated than what I was dealing with. Even with what I put on his shoulders, he still lived, and if Henry had been able to live twenty four full years with poisonous vines around his neck (not literally), then so could I. Similarly, I made Ethan deal with anxiety the same way that I did before I got my diagnosis, although in this case, the one that got through it is me, so Ethan can too.

By creating stories, you can also create something that would be impossible in real life. You don't have to be limited by morals or logic. In your stories, everything that will or won't happen can only be decided by you, which gives you the opportunity to play outside the limits of reality.

Your characters can also reflect something you really want to happen. Raydel and Melanie (characters of mine), for example, have got a kind of friendship that I would love to have. Friendship can be really pretty. The concept of a bond that may sound even magical seems so beautiful to me, so I gave it to them.

Of course, these are only some of the reasons why somebody might want to create their own stories or characters, but these are not always the case. Some people may want to create a story just because, to have some fun, and that's perfectly fine too! Go nuts, it's your mind!

Fiction is not the same as real life. It's practically a lie, but that doesn't mean it's useless. We could say that fiction is, in a way, its own reality. It's not our lives and sometimes it's not even related to us, but it still exists inside its own little bubble in our minds, and even if it doesn't have a direct impact in real life, it still has a way of bringing emotions out of people, and may sometimes even help understand certain situations.

Those who create stories may feel proud of what they've created and a lot of times may build up emotions towards their creations. One may feel hate towards a character that damages another character towards which they feel affection, for example. Sure, the characters aren't real, but the emotions we feel when creating and playing with them are.

Those who read, watch, or generally consume stories that others have created may see some similarities between certain characters and themselves or associate things they have lived with situations the characters are being put through. Fiction can be kind of a parallel to reality sometimes.

Heck, fiction can be a lot of things and outside of what it may seem at first, it can actually be really useful. Isn't that beautiful?

I apologize if some things don't make sense; it's 1AM and I'm tired, but I really wanted to make this reflection.

Anyway, bye!