#i don't think my family will ever properly understand because almost all of them are athletes and the one who isn't never does any excercis

[stillfruit]

i love not knowing if i'll ever be healthy again i love all of the time i've used to move my body become nothing i love spending my adulthood wasting away year after year for various reasons baby!

[woso-dreamzzz]

Natalia V

Hardersson x Daughter!Reader

Natalia Guijarro (OC) x Hardersson!Reader

Part of The Big Adeventures Universe

Summary: Talia finally does it

It's not a big diamond but it's not exactly small either.

It's understated, Magda supposes. The picture of it looks kind of blurry but she can tell it's beautiful.

It's the most nervous Magda's ever seen Natalia. Talia's always had this confidence, a slight arrogance that followed her every move but she's withdrawn a little now, almost nervous as she displays a photo of the ring.

"It's not ready yet," She says," I'm getting shaped to fit her finger properly."

For once, Magda is speechless in Natalia Guijarro's company. You've been with her for a few years now so Magda is used to Talia's presence. She'd even go as far as to say Talia is part of the family.

But this would make it official.

"Talia," Pernille says, clutching Magda's hand and looking close to tears," Really?"

"I..." Talia's throat bobs. "I love your daughter with all my heart and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. As my wife." Her eyes dance between Magda and Pernille. "Do I have your permission?"

Pernille nods but that was a given. Pernille has always loved Talia, always been so sure that Talia was good for you.

Magda's the challenge though and all three of them know it.

You're Magda's little girl, the little baby she had once held in her arms and wept over. She's always been trying to hold onto that part of you, the tiny child that complained about wearing her Chelsea shirt and got stolen from her every time she went to camp.

Magda stands and Talia almost folds into herself as she stares up at the older woman.

"You want to marry my daughter?"

"Yes."

"Good," Magda says, holding her hand out for Talia to shake," Because I can't think of anyone I would want to marry my daughter apart from you."

Talia picks up the ring with Magda on the breakfast run she promised you, opening and closing the case anxiously.

"She's going to say yes," Magda says.

"You don't know that."

"I do. She's crazy for you."

"She could do better."

Magda hums. "No, she couldn't."

The ring feels heavy in Talia's pocket for the weeks after she picks it up, waiting for the right time to get down on one knee to propose to you.

There's been so many opportunities but she just hasn't take it yet.

Patri's been calling her a coward, telling her that everyone already knows what you're going to say so it's not nearly as tense at Talia thinks it's going to be.

But, still, the ring goes everywhere with her and none of the chances are nearly perfect enough for this moment.

Snow falls heavily in Sweden, beating against the window as you sit in front of Pernille like you did when you were little, letting her pull it back into an elaborate braid.

There's groans from outside the front door and the scraping of shovels.

Pernille sighs. "I keep telling your Morsa to shovel the driveway after it's finished snowing. I don't know why she always insists on doing it whilst it's happening."

"I can't believe she's gotten Talia out there with her. She hates the snow."

Pernille laughs a little bit, twisting a strand of your hair neatly. "You know those two. Always competing."

"I don't think Morsa understands she's not as fit as she used to be."

"Don't tell her that. Magda thinks she's just as fit as she always was. She pretends that she doesn't get back pain."

You giggle a little bit and Pernille ties off your braid.

The front door opens and neither Magda nor Talia stops to say hello as they stalk from the front garden to the back garden, dragging in a big box through the house.

Pernille sighs, drawing the curtains closed, a hint of a smile on her face.

"What was that?"

She shrugs, lying straight to your face," I don't know. Magda must have ordered something for the garden again."

The sound of drills and hammers sound in the backyard and you turn to go look but Pernille shepherds you upstairs.

"I left you something on your bed," She tells you," Do you mind changing into it? I put some shoes there too."

You frown. "I'm an adult now. I don't need you buying me clothes."

"Humour me, princesse, and go change."

It's a simple dress which makes you frown.

Pernille usually buys you things like jackets and jumpers to keep you warm. A dress is different but not unwelcome.

It's nice. It fits well and the shoes are comfortable too.

You glance at yourself in the mirror, checking the fit. With the way Pernille's done your hair, you look beautiful.

You can't help the small smile that appears on your face.

You don't really get dressed up a lot, happy in your comfortable tracksuit bottoms and an oversized shirt but this outfit makes you feel a little bit giddy as you head down the stairs to show Pernille.

She's not there though and you duck into several rooms in confusion but she's nowhere to be found.

The curtains looking into the back garden have been drawn back though and you spot Talia standing under a wooden arch that definitely wasn't there this morning.

You step outside, the snow falling softly as you walk up the path to her.

She sucks in a stuttered breath as you approach.

"You...You look beautiful."

You glance down bashfully. "What are you doing out here? You hate the cold."

Talia laughs a little nervously, hands behind her back. "I was waiting for you."

"You could have been waiting a while."

"I would have waited however long it took."

You glance around. "What's going on?"

"Oh, god...I...I had a speech but I think I've forgotten it all."

You frown. "Talia, I'm confused."

"I promise I had a speech. When I remember it, I'll definitely tell you but...As of right now, all I can do is this."

Talia gets down on one knee.

"Will you marry me?"

[doverstar]

I'd love to defend Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life for a minute (I don't usually make long posts and may delete this later for that reason) because I feel like writing something inconsequential.

Other people get lots of comfort watching the original show (especially in the fall). I feel cozier watching AYITL. The characters are much older; the dizzy, flighty, still-growing-up feelings for Lorelai and Rory have faded, and it's full of moments that make it clear that certain things in their lives are definitely always going to be there. Constants. Luke, Stars Hollow, family, Kirk, Taylor, the changing of the seasons. Now - for my defense. (I'm rambling.)

Okay, many, many people don't like the revival. I understand. It's different in a lot of ways from the original show, and lots of expectations were not met. When I first saw it, it threw me too. But I didn't dislike it. In fact, the more I rewatched it, the more I thought it was almost better than the first show. The leading ladies are not flashy young stars anymore - Rory is Lorelai's age when the OG show first began, and Lorelai is gracefully and fabulously careening toward grandma times with all her wit and charm, all her most comfy habits, and it makes me want to hang out with her more than Season 1 of the show ever did. And I think the fact that ASP came back to write for these characters again and end it on her terms, at last, was an absolute win, and I love how she did it because it fixed so many things I thought were wrong in the show.

Lorelai is self-centered, terrified of commitment, and has no idea how to put others before herself and not run away during the hard times - unless something involves Rory.

Rory is self-centered, thinks she is special, and has no idea how to deal with not getting what she wants. The consequences of her actions almost never directly affect her, and when they do, said consequences are quickly stamped on and snuffed out by her mother/friends/family.

Emily is self-centered, desperate to be in control, and finds her worth in what other people think, in how things look, and that includes what Richard thinks.

In the show, Lorelai has moments where she learns to stay and learns to put other people who are not Rory before herself. Those moments don't last. She definitely has good intentions, but they're all conditional. She only has good intentions up to a point - and that point is usually when someone or something threatens her happiness and feeling of safety, or Rory's happiness and feelings of safety (understandable; that's her child).

In the show, Rory is told she is the sweetest kid in the whole world. Rory is told she'd never do anything to hurt anybody. Rory is told she's special, she's smarter than her peers, she's not like other girls. Rory 100% believes that. She also probably has a bit of a problem with living up to that image - she wants to be all of those things, and thinks she is, and can't handle it when it seems like people think she's not. (That may or may not have something to do with Christopher, who always had somewhere more important to be, or with Lorelai, who was so cool and strong and sure of Rory.)

And the show has moments, too, where Lorelai has to face the music and see that she's screwed up or is hurting someone with her behavior (Max, Chris, Luke, Jason, Emily, Richard, Sookie), but very very often, Lorelai breezes her way through that music and keeps moving, and flits to the next thing or person that will make her happy, because she does not know how to stay and stand and fix what she's broken. Because it only matters if she is happy and if Rory is happy. (The same thing goes for Rory in the show - consequences come, but Rory rarely has to properly deal with them herself. She is coddled and propped up the whole way.)

Now, to my point!

I watched AYITL and noticed something was different right away. Lorelai is with Luke (she should be), who is the opposite of her - constant, loyal, selfless, determined to stay no matter how hard things get. But they're not married. Lorelai is scared to really commit, and marriage is one of the hardest things you can commit to - ever. And Lorelai is not happy. Rory, for her part, is not perfectly settled as a reporter or a journalist or any of the things she was always told she could be. And she's not happy. And Emily, bless her, has lost her husband and her false sense of control is spinning away, and of course, she is not happy.

And A Year In The Life takes the show's clumsy half-arc of these three Gilmore women and perfectly completes it.

Lorelai's fear of commitment and habit of bolting when things get hard drives her to push every new chef out of the Dragonfly, refuse to expand the inn to better accommodate Michel's needs, shun Rory's tell-all of her past mistakes, shame Richard at his funeral and break Emily's heart, and worst of all, nearly wreck the closest thing to a proper relationship she's ever had: the one she has with Luke. She can't face that she misses her father, loved her father, and that maybe her mother is right about her relationship status. She can't face that people might read Rory's writing and see all her flaws and all her mistakes growing up in printed ink, and she can't run from that. And when Rory insists, Lorelai cuts ties. Lorelai has spent years avoiding marriage with Luke. She has spent years hurting her mother in an effort to defend herself at all costs. And she has spent years ensuring the Dragonfly Inn is exactly what she wants it to be; because changing it would be uncomfortable, and as a result, she won't commit to a new chef, she won't expand, and she's about to lose Michel the way she lost Sookie.

Rory's bubble of self-centeredness and assurance that she's special is popped with the needle of reality at last: she is not special. She's a young woman who has to actually work hard to find a job and make some money, like everyone her age. She is talented and she is smart, but she's not God's gift to journalism, and people keep saying no, and people keep asking her to prove her skills and her merit, and she doesn't know how to deal with that because everyone has always told her she can do anything she wants and she's the best. She wants a distinguished career and can't find anyone who will take her on; she tries to write for a raging batty feminist (hello Alex Kingston I love your work) and that goes sideways; she wants Logan Huntzberger but she turned down his proposal and now he's engaged and it has to be a secret; she wants somewhere to live - just not Stars Hollow because she's better than the thirty-somethings stuck back home. She wants Lorelai to approve of her book and insists her mother give her this, as if Lorelai hasn't always given her whatever she could. And when Lorelai says no, Rory does what she wants anyway and almost fractures their relationship over it.

Emily's control is completely gone - she can't control her emotions, she can't control her tongue, she can't control her maid or her maid's handy family, she can't even control a stupid painting of her late husband. She's on a downward spiral and her anchor is dead. She tries to regain a sense of worth, because surely that will bring happiness back. She tries to gain it from how many possessions she has, that doesn't work. She tries to gain it from Jack, who is not well-suited to her but he makes a matching accessory to the life other people will see. That doesn’t work. She tries to gain it from therapy with Lorelai, control her daughter at last, that doesn't work. She tries to control Richard's headstone, that doesn't work. She even tries to find solace with her beloved D.A.R, and she finds that emptiest of all.

A Year In The Life has these women finally face their flaws head-on and grow. The way characters should.

Rory: Rory is confronted with the fact that she is not special and has to move home like everyone else her age and get a job she does not want, because that's life, and that's what everyone else has to do in the real world. And when she's at her lowest, pouting, she gets advice from someone who has faced his own flaws long ago and has grown and who knows her at her best, and encourages her to get up and work hard (Jess Mariano, ladies and gentlemen). And she does. Rory hits bottom and takes Jess's advice and works at understanding her mother, who is not perfect, and even goes to interview her father, who is also not perfect. She fights with Lorelai over the book and insists on her own way, and when Lorelai refuses, Rory can only blame herself. She has a rabble-rousing night with her LaDB boys and winds up sleeping with Logan in one more bubble of fantasy, one more umbrella-jump of escapism, like the old days, because Logan is her weakness. And when she wakes up the next morning, Rory turns and walks away from Logan and the affair and her insistence on having what she wants regardless of who she hurts (hello, Dean Forrester and her affinity for taking spoken-for men) for the final time. And the consequences of her desires? She’s pregnant. (Come on, we all know the baby is Logan’s; Rory’s life rhymes with Lorelai’s.) She goes to Christopher to interview him for the book and is subtly asking her father why he wasn’t in her life, because she needs to know what to do with her baby and her lover. She didn’t go to Lorelai to figure that out. She went to her dad, because the truth is, Rory didn’t have her father, and part of dealing with the consequences of her actions is to work out how to take care of this baby and whether or not that means involving the father. She’s owning up. She goes to Lorelai and offers to give up this book; she doesn’t make excuses or whine, she wrote the book anyway because she believes in it, but when she’s gotten three chapters in, she respectfully goes to her mother and asks her to read it and then, for the sake of Lorelai, not herself, Rory promises to quit and throw the book out if Lorelai does not approve. Because Lorelai is more important to her than herself. Rory has worked hard and made mistakes and gotten pregnant and she has stared the world in the eyes and seen she’s not special. And she has to deal with that. And she does, finally, deal with it. And she’s happy.

Emily: Emily is confronted with the fact that nothing is inside her control—except what she does. Worth does not come from what she owns or who she’s with or what she’s wearing, and it didn’t come from her marriage, either. That wasn’t why she married Richard anyway. She is miserable and alone, and part of that is her fault. She married Richard because she loved him, and she keeps coming back to Lorelai because she loves her, and she opens up her house to Rory when Rory needs a place to write because she loves her. Emily looks around at what she has and recognizes what has worth and what doesn’t, maybe for the first time, with clear vision. She recognizes that she can’t control everything. At first, that fact keeps her down. She forgets what day it is, the curtains are closed, and she doesn’t get up in the morning. No Richard, no Lorelai, no reason to move. And then Lorelai calls her, and tells her about who Richard was and what Richard did and how it mattered, and that inspires Emily. She can get up. She buys a place on Cape Cod, totally opposite of the sort of life everyone admires and expects to have worth, and she does what she’s really always been best at—she loves. She takes care. She took care of Richard, she took care of Lorelai and Rory when they needed it, and she takes care of Berta and her wonderful family, instead of having a maid take care of her needs. She packs up and moves out, she sends Jack away, she reveals the D.A.R. for what it is and quits them forever, and she takes a job at a whaling museum because she just likes it. It’s nothing fancy, and neither is her oceanic house or the music she plays in it or the clothing she wears, because none of that is worth anything anyway. Her family is. Her friends are. She gets the painting of Richard done right and brings it with her, and she gives up attempting control of everything and only takes control of how she behaves. She gives Lorelai what Lorelai needs for the Dragonfly, and her only stipulation is that she gets to spend more time with her daughter and Luke. She loves, she takes care of others, she helps. And she’s happy. And now, the best for last. The star.

Lorelai: Lorelai sits in that stupid Stars Hollow Musical and hears a song that perfectly describes her problem—it’s never or now. Make a commitment. Do something hard. Make your life about something other than your momentary present happiness and comfort, the way you do with just Rory, sometimes, but make it a permanent change. Make change permanent! Don’t run away! …And then she runs away. She’s been miserable, she’s hit bottom, like her mother before her and her daughter after her. She’s losing friends, she’s losing Luke, she’s losing Emily, she’s losing Rory over the manuscript, and it’s all her fault. Lorelai tries to breeze past it. She does Wild. She does what she’s never done before, she does something hard and uncomfortable, but she does it for herself, and therefore it doesn’t quite work. She tries to hike, Dipper Pines won’t let her hike, she meets other women her age who think this hike is gonna fix things, it doesn’t, and she gives up and goes to get coffee because that’s her go-to. (Coffee is speedy, bad for you, and only a temporary rush—kind of everything Lorelai clings to, actually.) But the coffee shop is closed, and when Lorelai is denied that allegorical Band Aid, she goes around back and sees a great view and finally finds clarity. She didn’t need the hike—she needed to think. She needed a moment of silence and introspection to gain the insane courage to finally stop moving, stick around, and face her fears. To put her eyes on herself and then take her eyes off herself and onto other people—namely the people she loves. Lorelai calls Emily and cries, because it’s hard to do this, it hurts, but with one story, she proves she loved her father, and she knows her father loved her, and the fact that she’s calling shows that she knows Emily loves her too, and she loves Emily, and has loved them both all along. It gives Emily the strength she needs to get out of bed. That was hard, but Lorelai did it. And now she’s going to do more hard things—she’s going to commit. It’s never or now, and Lorelai chooses now. She goes home and the first thing she does is propose to Luke and become Lorelai Danes overnight. Hard. Scary. Just right. She patches things up with her daughter, and chooses Rory over herself—for the hundredth time, yes, but when it’s at its hardest for her to do. “I’ll read it when it’s done.” Lorelai expands the Dragonfly. She goes to Emily for help, which is also super hard, but this time it’s not for Rory – it’s for her, and it’s for Michel, and it’s for the Dragonfly. And she accepts Emily’s affectionate terms. Lorelai chooses Rory, Luke, Emily, and Michel over herself, and commits, and she doesn’t run away. And she’s happy.

And all of it is earned. Finally earned.

I could talk more about the incredible writing, about ASP at her best, about the perfect themes and scenery and the very intentional end to Paris, Lane, Kirk, Taylor, Dean, Jess, Logan, Chris, and the general cast’s stories, but I’ve already rambled for too long.

Suffice it to say: A Year in the Life is my Gilmore Girls. It’s best version of the story. I think it was expertly done. Not perfect, but an ending that was earned.

[ventique18]

Papa 🐉 with triplets HCs

When going overseas for official duties, he prefers not to be cooped up in that weird iron bird creature (it's an airplane, hun). So he instead flies to the country in his dragon form. Imagine people's awe when this gigantic, magnificent creature lands gracefully, lowers his head down carefully, and out of his mouth hops not one, not two, but three little dragons. They're so tiny you could swear they're cute little dogs.

He always goes to meetings clad in heavy robes. More often than not though, his mysterious cloak has a peculiar feature: it produces three sets of giggling voices every once in a while, especially when the room goes deadly silent.

Once an hour passes though, three little tykes get magicked out of the cloak like how a bunny hops out of a magician's hat. The wyrmlings like to climb on and off papa's back and munch on his horns. Everyone could only glance in amazement at how strong their Majesty's neck muscles must be to withstand the weight.

The three siblings still have very small wings but would always attempt to fly. 🌸 always almost has a heart attack when they inevitably come crashing down from their disproportionate weight, but 🐉 would save them the last second with his magic. He'd laugh loudly and hug 🌸 to reassure them none of their babies would get into accidents while he's alive.

I say accident because the three would frequently get hurt on purpose anyway. Their parents don't understand why, but one of their hobbies seem to be beating each other up in any way they could think of. 🐉🌸 would often wake up in the dead of the night because one sibling hurled another off the bed, simply because he/she was hogging 🌸's chest apparently. 🌸's chest is their favorite snuggle spot.

While 🐉 frankly doesn't have all the time in the world, he strictly employs a 8-5 work hour like a regular person. He doesn't really mind working but ever since he's started a family, he believes this is finally his god-given grace so he'll do it properly. His spouse is very capable in assisting him so they never really had problems with this arrangement.

So he likes to be closer to his babies and feeds them personally while it's still normal. He kinda just force-feeds them mashed food with a spoon in a row though. "Can't you make it more fun? Like, open wide, here comes the flying broom!" "I am simply not a sappy person." "You feed me while saying cheesy shit though..." "I cannot very well say those kinds of things to my children."

When he bathes them, he makes them line up and dunks them into a pool one by one. When they're in their dragon form, he scrubs them with a brush like he's doing laundry.

He hangs them on a clothesline to dry them on a sunny day lmao. "What are you doing to our babies??" "What? They enjoy it." Fair enough, the little gremlins are giggling.

When 🐉🌸 gets one those snazzy refrigerators with a water faucet and ice dispenser in front, the siblings like to sit on top of each other's shoulders so they could steal ice cubes for themselves. Or lap at the running water like thirsty dogs.

Grim has dedicated water bowls all over the place because he finds it hard to pour from a pitcher, and the feral siblings actually prefer lapping from those than go to the refreshments table to fetch a drink. The first time 🐉🌸 saw this, they were so shocked they kinda just stared blankly.

"Are... Are they actually dogs..." "I do not know, at this point." "Did you do this too when you were little?" "We did not have any semblance of a pet so I do not think so." Lilia reveals later though, that 🐉 drank from the damn toilet once.

He likes teaching them all manners of things. He gets a bit too intense sometimes though, what with them failing over and over again on what he thinks to be simple tasks, so 🌸 has to remind him gently that they are not him and shouldn't ever be him. He lets up and smiles. Yes, this is what children are supposed to be.

He legitimately doesn't have any ounce of experience with fatherhood and was suddenly thrust with three, so 🌸 honestly thinks he's a bit clumsy when it comes to taking care of them. Really clumsy and callous, actually.

But when 🌸 chances upon their three babies curled up against him, with him napping soundly and still holding an illustrated book on gargoyles and their history (goodness, he never changes), they thought he wasn't so bad after all.

Thinking harder about it though, what with him carrying the weight of the country while carrying the weight of three chubby babies and a feral cat, he might be the best father ever, after all.

[laughhardrunfastbekindsblog]

Okay, my one and only major complaint about Bad Batch is that I don't think they handled Tech's death properly (I still don't think they should have killed him off at all, but here we are; and even if they intend(ed) to leave things open-ended to maybe bring him back later, the titular characters in the show wouldn't have known that); and with all the reasons I've seen floating out there as to WHY Tech's death was handled the way it was and why the characters reacted the way they did (or didn't), I just want to explain why none of the "reasons" cut it for me. If you're satisfied with how Tech was handled in season 3, I am genuinely happy for you (and lowkey jealous, ngl 😉). I've just been thinking about this a lot and need to spell it out!

Reason #1: "Why do we need to see more of the characters mourning? What we got was enough. We don't need a 2 hour episode that's all about the characters grieving." (Yes, someone actually used "2 hours" in their argument.)

Let's recap what we got: 1) A scene where Echo looks sadly at the Marauder's pilot seat, Wrecker actually sheds some tears (bless him), Omega's in denial, and Hunter tells Omega they're going to retire on Pabu because Tech is gone... followed up almost immediately by the villain dropping off broken goggles as the only proof that Tech was ever on Eriadu; 2) a scene where the audience is shown Tech's goggles but Hunter doesn't interact with them- instead, he looks at Lula, proving that his driving motivation is recovering Omega (which is fine when taken from the perspective that he can't do anything about Tech, whereas he can do something for Omega; but that perspective is ultimately just headcanon because the show never reiterates or follows up on this); 3) Wrecker alluding to Tech (not by name) to try to convince Hunter to be more cautious; 4) Omega name-dropping Tech (wait, does Crosshair even know what happened?... yay for context clues, I guess); 5) Echo name-dropping Tech in relation to data decryption with the team looking down sadly for 5 seconds (I timed it) before Crosshair changes the subject; 6) Phee name-dropping Tech in relation to her not knowing what m-count is; 7) Crosshair referring to Tech's information on Ventress; 8) Omega leaving Tech's goggles in the Archeum with none of her brothers around (hot take: it kinda bothers me that the goggles are given the same treatment as Lula, I totally understand the context/deeper meaning of Omega leaving her childhood behind by leaving Lula, but we're talking about the one relic they have of their fallen and irreplaceable brother being given the same emotional weight as a doll); 9) Phee referring to Tech having a discussion with her about Crosshair while Tech's goggles are in the background (and, noticeably, Crosshair doesn't react at all and just changes the subject back to needing a ship); 10) Crosshair says the squad died with Tech, Wrecker says Tech understood the risks, and that's that.

So, what we got was enough to establish that the characters were sad in the immediate aftermath of Tech's death, that some of them may have stayed sad about it all through season 3, and that the show didn't completely forget that Tech had been a main character at one point.

What we DON'T get is any real reference to what Tech meant to the family as an individual and a brother, any real indication of how the loss of Tech (distinct from the mission to save Omega) influences his family's actions or the story's overall narrative, any actual acknowledgement in the show of Tech's sacrifice having any meaning or the family moving past grief to express any form of gratitude for Tech's presence and influence on their lives, any reference to Tech having a true impact on 4 of his 5 siblings (Omega is the closest we get to witnessing Tech's continued influence on any of his siblings and even seeing that involves squinting/head tilts at times)... in other words, we get a few minutes of sadness, but never any catharsis. We see they miss him, but never does this truly inform the narrative or their decisions in season 3, AND it's left frustratingly vague where the characters are in the grieving process (more on that later).

Besides, no one (that I have come across, at least) was ever asking for a 2 hour episode. At most, Kanan got a 22-minute "eulogy" episode, and most of us aren't even asking for that. I'd have been at least minimally satisfied with a "Mayday moment" for Tech - and that scene lasted a grand total of 20 seconds. What would have been more satisfying would have been the show taking all those superficial name drops and converting at least a few of them into meaningful mentions indicating what Tech means to his brothers and/or how he continues to have an influence on his family and/or how his sacrifice is a motivating factor for them.

Reason #2: "There was no time."

Leaving aside the fact that there was apparently plenty of time and opportunity to make Tech (among others) a red herring...

Let's assume that the showrunners were not only told they only had 1 season left to wrap everything up, but were given highly specific time allotments for each episode to where they weren't allowed to add any scenes (I highly doubt this is what happened, but we're rolling with the "no time" thing here). You know what you do in that scenario when you're talking about something like following up on a main character's death that clearly has left your entire fanbase in an uproar? You MAKE time: you trim down the action scenes, you make the characters walk a little bit faster, you decide whether an extended scene of Echo giving Omega a crossbow that is never going to show up again is actually worth saving (I actually like the scene, by the way; just giving an example), you cut out a few of the extremely vague lines of dialogue Fennec and Asajj indulge in. What you DON'T do is kill off a beloved main character and then rely on convenient time lapses/time skips to just brush over all the fallout apart from a few name drops that do nothing to establish just how important said character was to the other characters in the show.

What's more, they could have EASILY included some true closure with ANY of the Tech name-drops/scenes that were already in the show. Have Hunter look at Tech's goggles before looking beyond them at Lula in 3.02. Have the brothers be present with Omega when she decides to leave Tech's goggles in the Archeum in 3.11. Have any of the brothers say one meaningful line about Tech while they're otherwise silently basking in the sunshine in the end scene on Pabu in 3.15!

Reason #3: "They're soldiers."

Of all the reasons given for why Tech's death was mishandled, I dislike this one the most. What does CF99 being soldiers have to do with the aftermath of Tech's death being reduced to perfunctory allusions? (If you want to get into the argument that soldiers in general have to figure out a way to "move on" and The Clone Wars didn't really spend any time on the clones processing losses after battles, let me just say I don't care for how this topic is covered in The Clone Wars either, and Bad Batch was a golden opportunity for the Star Wars franchise to move past this unfortunate trope.) Fallen soldiers in real life get memorials/funerals too, even if it's months after the battle. Fallen soldiers are honored and remembered by their families and those closest to them. If the show is trying to push the stereotype that soldiers move on from tragic deaths of comrades by being "stoic" and holding it all in and never talking about it, I strongly disagree with the perpetuation of this stereotype; and if the characters as soldiers actually DID grieve Tech in a healthy way, why didn't the show depict it?

Reason #4: "Star Wars writers don't know how to write meaningful scenes/payoff regarding death and characters dealing with death/loss."

The Bad Batch writers proved time and again how brilliant they are at writing emotional storylines with maximum payoff. Case in point: Mayday. Enough said (I'm writing too much on this general topic as it is).

Reason #5: "They got over it."

Maybe I'm reading things wrong, but a rather drastic change in behavior for one character (going from cautious and weighing all risks, to reckless and jumping headfirst into situations without proper backup), and another character including Tech's death as just one reason why he "deserves" to go on a suicide mission, does not read to me as the characters "getting over it." It reads to me as "avoidance behavior" and "continued internal conflict." (Granted, Hunter's more reckless behavior in season 3 likely had as much to do with the Omega situation as it did Tech's death, but the point still stands. And if the point DOESN'T still stand, then I've got even MORE issues with how this plotline was handled, so we'll just keep assuming it does.)

Furthermore, if the characters had truly "gotten over it," there shouldn't have been any hesitation or issue with them discussing and honoring Tech in meaningful ways.

Reason #6: "They DIDN'T get over it."

Right, and we ended the show that way, with no clear resolution to them actually coming to terms with Tech's death and honoring his memory. Great.

Reason #7: "Whatever. It's good Tech stayed dead. Tech's sacrifice meant something."

... Did it? Did it really? I mean, I know I say quite frequently that Tech's sacrifice is what made the happy ending possible for the others (because that's the only thought that got me through a rewatch of season 3). But the show, the narrative itself, certainly doesn't act like it really meant anything. Hunter says in the season 2 finale that they "weren't going to waste Tech's sacrifice" because they were going to retire on Pabu... and that discussion promptly gets forgotten and never brought up again, not even when the squad is trying to stay off the Empire's radar in season 3 after Omega returns. Never is there any discussion that "not wasting Tech's sacrifice" by hiding on Pabu to make sure no one else dies (a very understandable reaction, of course) also goes against the very mission Tech pushed for in the first place: rescuing Crosshair. Never do we hear Omega tell Crosshair, "Tech didn't give up on you, I'm not giving up on you, that's why you ARE going to escape with me." Never is there any talk about "Tech wanted us to live and stay together, so that is what we are going to do." Never is there any acknowledgement at the end of the show that they are all going to live in peace on Pabu because Tech made sure they could live.

The last half of season 4 of Rebels is full of references to Kanan's sacrifice actually meaning something and having direct tangible consequences not only for the family but for Lothal and the Rebellion. For one thing, the show itself literally spells out that the mission to shut down the Imperial factories on Lothal was actually a success because all the fuel reserves were destroyed - Kanan had died, but the mission had succeeded and directly led to the success of the bigger mission to completely free Lothal, and while this is very poor consolation for the loss of Kanan, at least the show openly acknowledged it. Kanan and his influence is also openly credited for Ezra foiling Palpatine's plans with the Jedi Temple and the WBW, Ezra learning to let go and again disrupting Palpatine's plans in the finale, and doing what was needed to ensure Lothal was fully freed.

Imagine how different Rebels would be if Kanan's death had been treated like Tech's: no mention that his role on the mission had any impact whatsoever. No reference to Ezra or any other member of the Ghost crew living up to what Kanan had taught them all - or, at best, there's a perfunctory reference in the epilogue that Ezra decided to keep using the Force the way Kanan had taught him to. No depiction of Ezra or Hera or Sabine or Zeb accepting Kanan's death and letting go of the pain while holding on to the memories. Nothing to show that any of the Ghost crew members act in memory of Kanan or that he is a motivating influence on them. No indication that Kanan's sacrifice drives Ezra to decide to follow up on their initial success with the factories and ultimately completely drive the Empire from Lothal.

Rebels just wouldn't be nearly as fulfilling.

Now, imagine if Tech's death had been treated like Kanan's, and maybe it will become more clear why I have a REALLY hard time agreeing with the argument that the show itself actually depicted Tech's death as "meaning something."

[discordiansamba]

"what do you want?"

azula refuses to look at zuko as he sits down in front of her cell. it's the first time she's ever seen her too young uncle dressed like the fire nation royalty he's always been, and she thinks she's already sick of it. he's even managed to scrape his short peasant hair into a somewhat proper topknot, fixed into place by a flame hairpiece that reminds her of the ones she's seen in depictions of avatar roku.

"i thought i would visit my great-niece," zuko says simply, "-is that a problem?"

azula scoffs. you've never had any interest in me before, uncle. why start now, after a lifetime of ignoring my half of the family?

at least he has the decency to look properly guilty, she thinks. he even apologizes, which she just rolls her eyes at. what? getting sentimental in your old age? or is it your newly returned mortality making you regret your past choices? whatever it is, she wants no part of it.

zuko just sighs.

i know it's hard to understand, niece, he says, but the way you were raised and the things you were taught were wrong. you are just a child. there is still time for you to unlearn them.

"don't call me a child," azula hisses, "-not with that face."

her great-uncle just heaves another sigh. fair enough, he says. your uncle never liked it when i lectured him at your age either. i guess it's hard to take me seriously when i don't look my age. but i've seen much more than you have, azula. i laid the air nomads to rest. do you know how many of them were children?

"they were weak," azula replies, "-it's what they deserved."

the weak deserve the right to live too, zuko tells her. and clearly, some of his father's soldiers must have agreed with him, because he found plenty of fire nation remains with evidence of scorch marks on them too. they saw an injustice happening with their own eyes that they realized they were a part of, and died trying to protect the air nomads.

"then they were weak too," azula waves a hand, "-besides, everyone knows the air nomads were plotting to invade the rest of the world."

her great-uncle just laughs.

(it's not a kind sound.)

"invade the rest of the world?" zuko asks. "sounds terrible. good thing the fire nation got rid of them and then spent another hundred years at war with the rest of the world."

azula frowns. that's different. the air nomads wanted to force their lifestyle on the other nations. the fire nation isn't doing that. we're just-

"-spreading our greatness to the rest of the world?" zuko asked. "i thought you were smart, niece."

azula bristles. smarter than you, uncle, she hisses.

zuko pinches the bridge of his nose, and sighs. he spits flame as he does, as if he is just barely holding in his temper. fine, he says. i can see we're not getting anywhere today. i'll visit again.

"don't bother," azula says, "-i'm no traitor."

(zuko exhales as he leaves. he has no idea how iroh manages to do the 'wise old man' thing. he'd ask him for advice, if it weren't for the fact that he was so much younger than him. he was over a century old. he should know how to talk to a teenager without losing his temper.

ugh. maybe bumi had a point about him being a fake old man.

he wants to help his niece. he does. he wants to believe that she can change, like iroh changed. she's still so young.

he just has no idea how to get her there. he knows almost nothing about her. he's fought against her, but he doesn't know azula. she's right- he really did ignore her side of the family. he had his reasons, but...

...he sighs. maybe he should do the one thing he's been avoiding all this time, and talk to the man who'd made his niece like this in the first place. it would shed some light on her upbringing, if nothing else. there was no point in avoiding ozai- not now that he was mortal again.

...he still didn't relish the idea.)

[theeyeofeverything]

"Out of Spite" The Nine Sols AU TEDtalk time. The Path of Trials, part 2

Quick reminder what this is post about: All of the Sols saved by Yi need to go trough a trial, tied to their biggest flaw or fear. Two key figures to help them on a spiritual journey is Yi himself and ShuanShuan!

Sols will redeem themselfs, but only some aspect of them change a little. This path of redemption exist not to abolish their sins to apeman or fellow solarians, no.

This is their way to clear karma to oneself, before they join the great tao... or will they?

3. Jiequan - " Trial of Agony"

Listen, guys like Jiequan...well...they can be redeemed. This is their kind of shtick. He is a sadomasachist and this needs more then help from his friends (he also doesn't have any and would NOT listen to any advise!). However, what I like to do with this type of character is giving them a chance to socialize. This is my genuine belief that giving a murderous character a friend circle they can socialize with is a way to show them that they ARE able to act differently. And they will be rewarded for it.

Yet still, Jiequan for me is not that level of bad (not Overlord mtmte level of bad). I think at this point he might learn how to interact with people normally still... i don't think he would change much. Remove his obsessive behaviour - and this is not Jiequan anymore.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jiequan life is always about to proving a point to someone, troughtout all means nessesery. To prove that he can revive the Jie Kingdom. To prove that he is strong. To prove that you deserve your place at the palace, as the Jie heir.

In his childhood the only way to prove that you worth something is violence. Violence is the only way he resolved all of the problems. Not matter was he enduring it or doing it. It was a way to show that you are strong. That you are the leader. To make people respect you. To listen to you. To bring their attention to you.

Jiequan was a lonely kid. The weak kid. Now? He's no more.

He learnd to love violence. When he was a kid, he tried to prove that he would be а better ruler, he would guide Jie Kingdom to the former glory not only through war campains, but through other means. He endured one beating under the other, always managing to stand back. He survived the pain.

Then he embraced it.

He learnd that many of his peers don't understand the way of words. Only the way of pain. You change or you die, so is the life's rule.

And he changed. He changed all right!

He suffered only to become stronger. Every faliure, every drop of his blood and sweat is a way to become a stronger man. He suffered only to bring pain to his enemies. And enemies of his was the enemies of the Jie.

The pain teached him that he should never give up. The pain is effective way to communicate to everyone because all of the living beings understand it. Well, not like him. They don't learn from the pain, they don't understand that life is an embodiment of the agony itself. And heroes are forged in agony.

Vital interaction with Yi: Yi... Yi understands Jiequan. He feel no guilt over using apeman as a power resource. Yi is rejecting the comfort, working himself hard. He is willing to do anything that matters, if it will secure survival of their race. Jiequan liked that in men.

Yi was a living example of his philoshophy. Everyone turned blind eye to his cold cruelty, they liked the guy anyway. Not that much, yeah, but he had his trusted circle of friends and admirers. Eigong, his mentor, was proud of him. He had a loving family. Colleagues are listening to his advice.

Yet Yi was looking a him with disdain. One night they had a chance to talk about the affect of suffering on brains. It's the fisrt time Yi ever talked to him properly, listend to him. It was a good debate, almost civil, when Yi acknowledged that Jiequan has a point. Started non-stop talking about brain research and whatnot. The more Jiequan listen the more he taught that he was right all along. That severe pain makes people think clearer, show who they really are underneath this facade of a person. He wondered: How Yi looked under his coat of cold blood?

It was point of no return, because this is where his obsession with Yi started to grow big. Jiequan wanted to disect him, simultaneously make the man worse and better at the same time. Bring him pain, make him to finally understand how it would change Yi. Make Yi acknoweledge him. Understand his pain.

And when the opportunity came, after 500 years of trying to piss of Yi for good, he did exactly that. He showed Yi the way of the pain. He saw his eyes burning with hate and agony. This was THE moment of his life. Point of no return.

Yet, the result of the torture was...strange. He expected Yi to fight like a beast (and he did so!), but not to...show mercy. Yi said that he's not like Jiequan and tried to prove it. Still, they both know what he did to poor Goumang.

Yi is a cruel, selfish man. They are alike. Jiequan never stopped to prove this to Yi even after his rescue. Even after he brought little birdie to the pavilion. He even brought the Feng girl, whos only good use was being a money bag for his endless endeavours. Heck, he didn't thought that asking to say hi to old guoshi would grant him an opportunity to do that himself.

And Yi? He tried his best to prove Jiequan wrong. Being patient with him, not breaking his legs when he convinced Abacus that he can be of use. Jiequan even worked with fucking Kuafu (who was strangely happy that "such a cool guy" needs his services, ugh) to make for Yi new rhizomatic weapons. Yi thought Jiequan training with him was a ploy. Made Yi to drop his guard to stab him in a back, because by surviving the fight Jiequan "lost his honour" or some shit.

What Yi didn't like that he enjoyed beathing Jiequan to a pulp. Their trainings were bloody, messy and kind of extatic. After their spars Yi felt himself calmer, strangely calmer. Like they both quench their thirst for blood for a present moment, only to surprise each other next time.

Yi didn't catch the exact time he would offer to help to tend Jiequans wounds. The man always was going to the highest point of pavilion to lick his wounds. Saying that this' but a scratch. Still, asking was worth it. Jiequan looked at him like a scared deer on the road. He refused Yi's attemps to help, quitely bleeding in his corner. Looking like a man on the bring of the death, but strangly happy.

He didn't notice when they became closer, enjoying more quiter moments. When Jiequan tried to sooth his pain, bandage his wounds, saying that it must be hurt everytime to return from the dead, maybe he should kiss it better to...

Wait, what the-

Vital interaction with ShuanShuan: I think at first Jiequan saw ShuanShuan as a tool. A mean to get closer to Yi, his get free from jail card. He really did convince Ruyi that he can teach kid how to defend himself.

ShuanShuan was...reluctant. Their training often ended in agrument that apeman child can make people wish to not fight with him. It turned worse when Yi slipped up and said that thanks to Jiequan Yi stopped to beat bad guy's up and brought more friends (that kid obviously adored). It made Jiequan pissed but he can do nothing about it, because if something happened with little brat Yi would bring down all of the New Kunlun with him. Besides there was a little problem. When kid get hurt he started to cry and Jiequan just...starred at him. He was confused. Jiequan long forgot how is it to cry when you feel the pain. Pain of failing, pain of loosing someone, pain of rejection. It's like... it didn't hurt anymore. Or so he convinced himself.

Because everytime Jiequan fights with Yi ends, ShuanShuan is gently tugging his pants and asks: Does this hurt? Jiequan smiles and says that it's not, he'll manage. Kid was in fact the first who offered him compassion, despite Jiequan hurting Yi. Who seen him nervously waithing for root node to spat ot Yi's bruised body. Share their quiet moments, talking (more like barking at each other, but bickering and being annoying is his way to show affection) or reading toghether. Of how Jiequan follows Yi like a shadow, trying to pry emotions out of him.

One day he lets kid stay. Sleep beside him, while Jiequan trying to stop blood gushing out of his guts.

He might understand why Yi is so protective over the kid. He might understand that maybe, just maybe, it hurts when he sees Ji playin with ShuanShuan more often, then with him in his childhood. It hurts when Yi let someone touch him gently, but not him. It pains him to be alone. It pains there is no one to ease the agony. Both his and Yi's.

They are the same. Isolating themselfs from the others to lick their wounds alone. Jiequan hoped that enduring the pain will make him a better person when, in fact, well, it just isolated him. Sometimes pain is just a pain, it just leaves a scar that never stop hurting. It hurts like hell to be alone.

He wants to be comforted and understood. He wants someone - no, Yi - to tend his wounds. He yearns for Yi to touch him out of the battle, to acknowledge his suffering and say that Yi...that Yi... that Yi loves him. The way he is.

So, he will suffer for Yi. Leaving bloody trail of Dusk Guards behind him, so Yi's path become little easier. So the only person to draw Yi's blood would be Jiequan himself. Enemies won't tend Yi's wounds but he will. He will be the only pain Yi needs to expirience in his life EVER. It's his way of protecting Yi. Besides... Yi is the only one who will make Jiequan's pain feel a little bearable.

4. Ji - " Trial of Apathy"

Before we start talkin about Ji let's get one thing clear: I support the headcanon that Ji was somewhat of the parental figure to Jiequan. This will play a role in this au, so, please keep this information in your head. And also, I belive that at somepoint Ji left Jiequan, probably when he was 15 or 18 y.o. to live in Grotto. ____________________________________________________

Ji lived a long life. Maybe, someone less apathetic to the twists and turns of solarian history would say he had a very exciting life. He's a living piece of history, witnessing the rise and end of the empire of Jie, being on both sides of the war in Turbulent Era. He saw the rise of taosism. He saw the new era of technological advansments on the bring of their civilization last breath. He saw death. He saw life. How people he loved come and go, leaving their mark in history of Penglai, but all of them end up joining tao when the day comes. He mourned, at first. He cried, he felt his heart skip a beat everytime hexagramm shown a grimm future of his loved ones.

Then, he stopped to care. He is not just a seer, but a scribe. Scribes are humble observers of the world. Collecting and preserving history, though, Ji always found it humorous. Doesn't scribes tell story through their own perspective? Well, that was a reason he never became a scribe himself.

Why should he? He is just a "lucky guy". He never wished to live that long or forsee future. He never wanted to build an empire or have his own guild. So, he became a silent observer of life, but, he never found a reason to stay and enjoy it. Not anymore. What people call time is just passing by, like a river that flushed every year no matter was there Ji to witness it or not.

He grew tired of life. It was always twisting and turning, but he lost interest in it long ago. The people he loved are no more here, only remnants of them exist in the books of history. And even this remnants are twisting and turning trough the time and lense of the ones who tells the stories of the past.

Truth is: he's a coward. He could end it a long time ago but he was too apathetic to save someone, what about himself. So, he just waited in Grotto. Writing about memories of the past. Preserving what's left of the Lear's and Jietong's legacies.

Vital interaction with Yi: When the Yi arrives to the Grotto, Ji offers him an insight into the future. Ji sees their battle but not the ending of it. It's unclear. What he see is his own shocked face.

And so, when the time comes Yi refuses to finish his job. He says that someone is waiting for him at the pavilion of Four Seasons. Yi says...that Jiequan waiting for him. Alive and well.

And so, the hexagramm was right. His face, after all those years show his shock, because when he checks the fate of his student, the kid he help to raise, he's death...changed. No longer by the hand of Yi but... well. That is interesting.

Ji smiles. He remembers a sertain someone also was able fool his hexagramms. Yi is reminded him of an old friend so...he might stay. Just for a little longer.

Vital ineraction with ShuanShuan: At the pavilion Ji doing the same as in Grotto. Studying others. Observing how they ineract with each other. Living they daily and monotone lives. It's peaceful, like a meditation. Sometimes he even feel nostalgic when Yi and Jiequan yelling and pining at each other. But he is unaware that someone observing... HIM! Kids are curious by nature and so is ShuanShuan. They just silently observe each other from afar, until the day Yi and Ji having yet another late night philosophical debate. ShuanShuan joining them, saying that they both are the two sides of the same coin. They both can't enjoy what life gives them, cherish it and accept that all people must go one day. That it will always hurt to loose. Ji smiles. Kid is smart for his age and very empathetic. It almost like he magicly can read people like an open book.

And so, Ji start thinking. Then talking to ShuanShuan more, giving him one life riddle after the other, discussing it and debating. They both playing with hexagramm predictions, but it seems like ShuanShuan is actually not taking them seriously. Not because he is not beliving in it, no, quite the opposite. It's just... kid belive that fate is not set in stone. He don't care much about future, living a moment and enjoying company of his new big found family.

Getting more comfortable in pavilion make him pick up the pen again and start writing. Kid is also intrested in it, always watching how Ji's pen making simple words in a beautiful construction of sentences. He practicly pealds Ji to teach him how to write like a proper man of the letters. One day, ShuanShuan propose Ji idea of starting a personal journals and share their notes every evening. When they finally finished their reports ShuanShuan is counfused. With the child's proximity he asks: Why there is nothing written about Ji. Not feelings, not even what happened with him. Why collect notes about others life? This is not what ShuanShuan wanted, he wants to know what happend to Ji, not around the pavilion. He wants to know what he thinks, what he likes, who he cares about. He wants a glimpse of his life.

ShuanShuan says that he's not blaming Ji. Kid thinks Ji's just scared to open up because death hurt him. He understands that feeling, but says, the people around is what make pain sooth a little. They will never replace the ones you loved, but they can bring you joy and happiness too.

Ji laughs. Kid is right. He become so passive that he forgot about himself. Slowly dying inside, becoming the living corpse of a man. Library of the memories and nothing more. Maybe he needs to actually talk to the fellow Sols more. Become friends. And embrace his connections to people.

Still, he can't stop looking at his hexagramms. Asking again and again the same question: How he would die? And the hexagramm only showing him a puddle of blood.

When he asks about the others the hexagramms are adamant they will die. And the New Kunlun will go with them.

He know who will survive and who will die, yet, his own fate is unknown. It's like the hexagramms saying to him that, in fact, he is the one who should decide how his own life ends.

Death is always a surprise, after all. So, until then, he will wait - not in the way of stillness, but making it a last story to tell to his dearest friends - Jietong and Lear - when he too join the great Tao. His own story.

Next time, we will talk about the endings of this au. Feel free to ask me anything about this au, I would gladly answer to you!

[hexcoreviktor]

As someone in your 30s what have you learned and would you tell someone who is in their early 20s like me

bold of you to assume i've ever learned anything

jk uhm okay

holding grudges is exhausting. being upset is fine, being angry is too. but not indefinitely, you can't live like that forever.

a lot of things don't get wrapped up with a neat little bow, sometimes you don't get the answers you want or need and there simply isn't any closure.

(i guess what these two things basically amount to is that you need to learn to let things go)

being petty usually isn't the way to go. if something makes you unhappy or if someone hurts you, say it, tell them. try to figure it out. or don't and move on. you don't have to let people walk all over you, but don't play stupid ass games.

tell people that you love them. tell them they're important to you and that they make your life better. ik it sounds cliche, but it's true. life's too short not to. more importantly tho, show them. make an effort, show up for them.

you don't owe people anything just because they're family. it's okay to have boundaries or even walk away entirely when all they do is make your life worse. go and make your own family, the one you get to choose yourself.

same goes for anyone actually. cut out people who make you miserable, no one is entitled to being in your life.

being a person in this world can be hard, life is hard, so try to give others and yourself some grace.

related: being kind to others makes it a whole lot easier to be kind to yourself as well.

but also some people are just assholes. there might be a reason for that and you can try to understand, but don't let them turn you into one and stay away from them.

exercising unfortunately does make you feel better, both physically and mentally. as does going outside.

vegetables are the best thing in the world once you figure out how to properly prepare them and which meals to put them in.

turns out drinking enough water is important.

sunscreen + moisturizer. use them.

if you wear bras, make sure they actually fit and are supportive without hurting your back, shoulders or skin.

if you have a uterus, your tummy is never gonna be entirely flat. that's okay. if you don't have a uterus and your tummy isn't entirely flat, that's also okay. having any kind of tummy is okay. actually, as long as you're happy and healthy, your body is fine as it is. you don't exist to fit into some kind of ideal society forces on people.

if you're one of the very few chosen ones, you do look better with bangs than without them because you have the kind of forehead the world simply isn't meant to see and you have to accept that. (this one's actually just for me personally)

but also who cares. you can do whatever you want with your own body. like i said, the only opinion that matters irt your looks is your own.

you don't have to figure out who you are and who you're gonna be for the rest of your life in your 20s. the person you were then most likely won't be the person you are in your 30s. we keep on changing, sometimes in small ways, sometimes a whole lot, and it's so so fun.

same thing goes for sexuality and identity. speaking as someone who thought they were one thing for almost their entire life, only to realize that's actually not the case, like, last year: it's fine to put a label on yourself because it currently fits and to then find an entirely different one later down the line. you're allowed to do that. you're gonna be so much happier once you give yourself that freedom. there's also nothing wrong with not wanting to label yourself at all.

there's no such thing as too old. you're not too old to start a new hobby, learn something new, do that thing you've always wanted to do, start over, be someone else. you're also not too old to still enjoy and love the things you did when you were younger. certainly not in your 20s, but also not at any point after that.

that all i've got for now because thinking and typing is exhausting and my brain is over 30 years old!!! might come back to this once i realize i forgot some really important wisdom, like, 'killing people is bad' or something.

[hobiebrownismygod]

Let's talk about Desi representation again!!

I don't talk about this stuff often but when I do, I have some strong ass opinions

and yes I'm gonna be talking about none other than Pavitr Prabhakar at the end cuz he's just special to me <3

Hollywood is lagging behind on Desi representation

You'd think one of the biggest film industries in the world would be able to represent us properly, considering the fact that we make up the largest group of South-Asian Americans and the second largest group of Asian-Americans in the US, but instead-

Western Television forces Indians to conform to harmful stereotypes

Some of the most popular Desi characters on screen are Raj Koothrappali from the Big Bang Theory, Devi Vishwakumar from Never Have I Ever and Kelly Kapoor from the Office.

Indian men are almost always portrayed as robotics engineers and computer whizzes, but with terrible social intellect, making them seem like awkward nerds.

Indian women are almost always portrayed as "whitewashed", or wanting to appear more western, with zero understanding of their own culture or language along with an unrelenting need for attention from white friends/colleagues.

These are both based on stereotypes that Indian culture is "toxic" and "too traditional" and that Indians are only interested in studies.

Most Desi characters in western media have stories that are solely based around their ethnicity and/or racial stereotypes.

British television actually showcases a lot more representation than Hollywood does

I was watching Polite Society, a movie starring two Pakistani characters as the main leads, and there was a dance scene where both the leads are wearing traditional desi attire. My mom turned over, looked at me, and asked, "Is this Hollywood? It can't be."

And she was right. It's a British movie with British-Pakistani actors.

The reason she didn't believe that it could've been Hollywood was because the dresses the two leads were wearing were traditional and beautiful and the song playing in the background was authentic Hindi music, not some random westernized DJ version of it.

A Hollywood movie would've never dressed up their Desi actors in actually flattering attire (*cough cough the Patel twins from Harry Potter) or have used real, popular Desi music in the background.

You see my point?

It is so uncommon to see well-thought-out Desi representation in TV nowadays, where to see real diversity we have to watch movies made by the same country that colonized us.

Ironic.

British movies/shows with desi leads have far better South Asian representation than anything I've seen in Hollywood recently.

The Hollywood movies starring Indian leads, like Slumdog Millionaire or Bend it like Beckham were filmed in the UK, and because they were filmed in the UK, they had fantastic South Asian representation.

Not only does Hollywood refuse to create shows and movies about real problems that South Asians face, but they also don't cast South Asian actors in good roles.

When's the last time you saw a South Asian actor playing a character that wasn't a walking stereotype? When's the last time you saw a South Asian actor playing a character that was a genuine part of the story rather than just comedic relief or a random smart kid in the classroom?

Not often, right?

Me, personally, I didn't grow up with a lot of South Asian characters or actors in shows/movies that I watched. In fact, every time someone even close to my skin color showed up on TV, I was on the edge of my seat because it was just so rare to see it.

This is why representation matters.

You've heard about all the young girls with braids being so excited when the new little mermaid with Halle Bailey came out. Well, us desi kids wanted that too.

I wanted to see a Telugu speaking girl with wavy hair and dark skin who would wear traditional clothing to Desi get-togethers and parties, go to the temple with her family, eat vegetarian Indian meals, etc...

I wanted to see a character who was a representation of me and my experiences as an Indian-American. I wanted to see a character that was at least a representation of Indians or just South Asians in general.

Instead, we were given characters that ridiculed their own culture, were extreme stereotypes and furthered the existence of casual racism in western society today. So many Desi kids experience small acts of racism on a daily basis because people have been so desensitized to the existence of these stereotypes.

Telling South Asians that their culture is a joke and feeding non-asian children media which pokes fun at other cultures is harmful, not only to us South Asians but also communities that could end up being targeted next.

Pavitr Prabhakar; Representation Matters

If you've been following me or if we're mutuals, you probably know I have a tiny obsession with Pavitr Prabhakar. But why?

Because of all the reasons I just listed.

There are few South Asian characters us Desis can look up to these days, and Pavitr Prabhakar is one of the maybe two or three characters who have great writing, magnificent representation, and overall a fun vibe.

He's likable, funny, smart and best of all, unapologetically Desi.

He's just like all the other side characters, with a little bit of his own culture mixed in. He's not being shoved down our throats to further an agenda about fake diversity, he's not a walking stereotype and best of all, he was designed by Indian creators.

He's refreshing and exciting to follow in a world full of a demand for half-hearted representations and the people who created him were obviously putting their hearts and souls into it.

He's awoken a love for Indian culture amongst, not only Desi children themselves but also among westerners who, prior to this, had thought of India as a "3rd world" country, because that's the agenda that Hollywood pushes onto many South Asian countries today.

WE LOVE PAVITR PRABHAKAR!!

This was kinda all over the place but I just had to get this off my chest <3

Sources:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2021/06/10/discrimination-against-indian-americans-happens-more-than-you-might-think/

[coolingrosa]

Honestly about nightmare....it upset me quite a bit how he just didn't at all understand why Killer was acting out like this. It felt so obvious? Like with Dust showing up and Killer acting out in response to it....Unless this is a common occurrence? I am really wondering what nightmare thought about this, if he even tried to read Killer and his behaviour or perhaps ask Dust about the relationship between the two. Did he just not think anything about it? Just assume "oh its a kid throwing a tantrum, it'll pass"? Man i'd rly like to know it from his perspective. Maybe he is used to ppl throwing tantrums, considering I am pretty sure error flips out a lot too. I guess the problem hereby lies with the fact error is an immortal and an adult and killer,.,,is not. and nightmare just simple doesn't distinguish the two properly.

But honestly I think nightmare should have known better than to snap at Killer ToT..... I believe that him snapping did ultimately the most damage, error just kinda added a bit more salt to it to be put it simple. After all Killer favoured Nightmare obviously a lot more than Error, he was like a parent figure for him basically. So Nightmare snapping would mean a lot more than what Error says. I don't like how error told Killer that advice though, he basically just told him to "suck it up", in the pretense of "caring" for nightmare and not wanting to see him upset. It feels wrong to say that error cares though, because of how he is STILL stuck in the past. It almost feels like he is talking and giving advice to Killer more for himself than for nightmares sake.

Both error and nightmare are so inexperienced with mortals and so fucking mentally fucked up themselves, I doubt they will act any different unless someone who is a mortal corrects them...And I honestly thought Dust would do it? At one point it felt like he knew why Killer did it, but then it felt like he did not?

ultimate question however: how will nightmare react to Killers change? I wonder if alarm bells will ring or if he will just think that Killers "phase" finally passed. And I fear it'll be the latter.... So sorry for the long ass essay, I have SO many questions AND IT IS SO HARD TO TELL WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN AND HOW THIS MESS OF A MAKE-SHIFT FAMILY IS GOING TO DEVELOPE.....

You’re analysis is so wonderful and definitely the mixed emotions I wanted to give. Especially since good and evil doesn’t exist in Roseverse, just people and their actions. A lot of my YouTube and tiktok dragged on Dream solely for a while due to the limited knowledge, so chapter four was a big drop as it showed just how out of depth and horrible Nightmare and Error could be as well. I’m gonna try to answer each part of this the best I can without revealing too much!

1. Nightmare is used to Killer acting out, which happened a lot in the pilot, so he doesn’t put two and two together that these moments are connected- especially since Killer has never been put in a situation around him to show that he ALSO has jealousy issues as well as self esteem issues. For a while it was just them and sometimes Error in the castle, which Killer never showed an act of jealously towards- only distrust.

2. Nightmare’s perspective won’t be shown a lot in the next Bad Sanses chapter unfortunately, so I’ll try my best to explain his reasoning here. Don’t take it as a defense. I may explain characters and their actions, but at the end of the day, Nightmare is a adult and has a responsibility.

Nightmare’s main flaw (and I can now finally state this) is that he doesn’t care for people who are not under his radar. Saying he doesn’t know much about negative emotions is redundant, but his abilities to help with them have long since faded ever since the loss of Ink. Killer clearly is the product of a teenager with intense mental health issues, and Nightmare never got to see Ink as a bratty teenager. Killer is the only example around him and so he quite frankly sucks at it and sees his outbursts as…well…tantrums. He can’t fully see Killer for what he is and constantly sees him as a child due to his own age, and that belittling makes Killer’s emotions and rightful feelings come across as childish to Nightmare.

The mention of Error is also correct. Nightmare is used to emotional and violent outbursts since he was thirteen- especially from those close to him. Error and Nightmare as children weren’t healthy and Error was an abusive friend. I will always state that. However, though Error improved his ways, Nightmare never fully blamed him for such things and therefore never saw anything wrong with the people he loved lashing out and being hurtful. It’s normal for him- and also not smth to be addressed in his eyes. However, Killer is a child and as the adult, Nightmare has a responsibility to step in and correct his behavior with disciplinary action rather than passiveness. But, of course, he doesn’t until he finally snaps

3. Yeahhh I will say what Error told Killer didn’t bother him too much until he made the comment about Dust. Killer is far too use to the verbal abuse Error shoots at him that it rolled off of him and he was more annoyed Error was still in the room. Error and Killer just aren’t and will never be close enough for their fights to leave any impact. Nightmare, though? After finding out truly what Nightmare is capable of and then being told that? Oh, yeah, Killer is crushed.

4. This was one of the few times Error tried to actually help in his own way. Error doesn’t word himself well, even when being vulnerable. He hoped Killer would understand it as “there’s no need to lash out as ur already here and cared for. So just stop hating urself and others and finally feel secure. “ Was it not so great advice and easy to be misunderstood from what he actually meant? Yea. Did he just COMPLETELY miss the mark on mental health and the struggles of slowly getting over the fear of abandonment and the steps it takes to FEEL that security? YEAH LMAO. But Killer definitely misunderstood him as well. And Error also misunderstood something about Dust as well. I’ll expand more on that in my last point.

5. Dust may be smart, but he can’t put together a case without solid evidence and explanation and due to him not being there from the start, he doesn’t truly understand why Killer is acting like he is. He knows it has something to do with Nightmare, but what that actually is? He can’t know. I believe this won’t be a shock, but Dust does think Killer was being abused by Nightmare and therefore becomes like a guard dog. When Killer jumps him, that ideas gets thrown out the window and Dust is left utterly confused on the motives. He doesn’t hate him, though. He’s just confused, and hurt.

6. And unfortunately, Dust isn’t empathetic enough to be the one to truly understand things. Wonder who will be, though…

7. I cant say too much as that’s a chapter seven thing, but I will say it’s where Gus the immortal frog comes in (Killer’s pet) and given by Nightmare. I’m sure you can put two and two together as to why Nightmare, who is clueless about everything teenager related, is stooping to giving the apathetic Killer a pet 😭

8. Almost forgot this part but Killer is an unreliable narrator. He will always be, and the next bad Sanses chapter will see that, as it won’t be in his perspective solely. Everything he sees and thinks is unreliable. For example, when they reach the au and Dust is slowly blinking at him while Killer demands to know why he came too, Killer takes it as a threat. What if Dust actually doing? Blinking at him like he’s a angry cat bc Dust doesn’t understand emotions and defeats to animal behaviors to help soothe this teenager LMAO

[aihoshiino]

It was obvious Ai loved him…but seeing it said on screen still makes it tragic…i almost felt i had a lump in my stomach Hikaru could've been alright if they just had a happy family together but no 😭😭 with the dvd now revealed, do you think Ai would've gotten back together with Hikaru if she knew that "I can't love you" was a lie? Even as a family i feel like that's a possibility now

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, ngl… now we have the full context of the HKAI breakup and a better overall understanding of their r/s dynamic, I've actually been thinking about their first on-scree conversation in episode/volume 1 - where Ai speaks to him on the payphone. I'd always kind of zeroed in on it as important because it was the one and only time pre-flashback that we'd gotten an actual exchange between the two of them, one sided as it was. And I was especially always really curious about the "No, I'm not trying to get back together" line because it implies A Lot even when we just hear Ai's words.

And now that we know that the HKAI relationship was 1) so unhealthily codependent that Earth's Most Autistic Creature, Ai Hoshino noticed and went mmm i gotta get the fuck outta here 2) ended by Ai herself and 3) Hikaru met that breakup attempt with LET'S GET MARRIED I think it makes it clear that the moment Ai reached out to him he immediately leapt to thinking there was a chance of them getting back together, probably out of pure wishful thinking. And Ai, realizing that he hadn't moved on or been able to grow past her, had to gently but firmly turn him down. And keeping in with that theme of miscommunication tragedies, they were probably both having a VERY different conversation:

What Ai meant: "[I know I'd just be a burden to you, especially with the twins and I don't want to put that weight back on you so] I'm not trying to get back together." What Hikaru heard: "[You're a burden and I can't bear the weight of putting up with you so of course] I'm not trying to get back together."

Minor sidebar, but Takahashi actually highlights that moment in particular during her interview in First Report, the anime guidebook (I promise I'll get it translated soon… I promise…!!!), noting that Akasaka actually gave her the full details as to the HKAI dynamic so she knew how to properly convey Ai's feelings for him at that moment (then noted that as a fan of the original manga she has very mixed feelings about getting spoilers… bless her LOL). So Ai's vocal delivery in that scene can also be considered a pretty big clue…

ANYWAY UH. My point is that I don't think they'd ever get back together unless Hikaru got his shit together and was more stable & less prone to clinging onto Ai at the first opening. She herself even says that they broke up because his obsession with her was consuming him and she wanted him to be able to stand on his own without her, because she thought that was better for him. It's possible that him and Ai being in each other's lives vis-a-vis the twins and Ai being more able to set boundaries (in hindsight, her turning him down is actually really good progress for her!) he could've developed a more healthy relationship with her, but his fixation on her then and in the present day is so all consuming I guess it's hard for me to imagine.

[yandere-sins]

Heyo! Can you please answer Q6, Q4, Q2, & Q16. Also have a peaceful and lovely day/night<3

[Writer asks here]

Thanks so much for asking ♥ I am surprised so many of you were curious!!

»»———————— ♡ ————————««   

#2 Do you listen to music when you write? What does your current writing playlist look like?

I actually do! And very specific ones, I have a few selected youtube videos which are either lo-fi hip hop or writing/studying music and just run on repeat. I'll link some of my favorites to give you an idea!

1 | 2 | 3

Most important is no lyric (especially not if I can understand it, but I usually also don't like the songs that are have people humming or singing to the songs and will skip these), upbeat but I keep the volume low so it really is just a background music (but that means like classical music doesn't really hit the itch), and preferable with ambiance sounds like rain or waves or so.

Sometimes music can be almost too much, so I use mynoise.net for either the Irish Waves or the white noise, depending on what suits me that day. It's my personal recommendation for anyone wanting background noises.

Lastly, yes, I am very jealous of artists who can do their art while watching movies or the like. But I can't even have someone talk to me while I write so that is just the biggest no-go lol

#6 When (and not if) you ultimately finish your WIP and publish, do you picture yourself giving readings and signings and interviews, or would you prefer to stay out of the public eye? 

Hm, complicated. I am not a super private person and I love talking with people (I am an introvert but my family and my job raised my tolerance lol) so I'd probably do well if I wanted to do events. But, if I ever get to finish my book, I'd go for self-publishing so the chances that I'd ever have a signing or reading is just super low because pulling it off on my own just seems... harder. Not impossible but harder. I don't think the genres I want to go into could be picked up by traditional publishing, so it would be a lot of work, and I don't know if I have enough dedication to see it through. Passion, yes, time and resources, no.

However, I think if I did have a book, I might start tableing at my conventions! I see a lot of authors there and that might lean towards my target audience more!

I think I'd still like to sign books though, maybe have a special sale and then sign them and send them to people or something. That would be cool. It was nice to write a special note to everyone who got my Yantober book, so I know I'd really like to do that!

#16 CHALLENGE: Tell us about your current project in three sentences or less. 

Oooh, hmmmm, let's see. It's something all of you guys chose in a poll a while ago, so how do I tease it without revealing too much hmmmm...

It's an isekai story and inspired by an existing manga (manhwa?). The concept is similar but I haven't read the original, I am just turning the core idea around and making it properly yandere (although the idea has been done in different versions a lot). The main character/reader misjudges the effects it'll have to just level up one certain stat and it comes back to bite them in the form of a typical noble getting overly obsessed.

Hope that keeps everyone guessing lol! :D

[bloodymarine]

Ok. My first ever public rant: "The Hunger Games is boringly written and Katniss Everdeen is a boring character." Here we go. Pls bare with me.

(Spoilers ahead!)

So I came across a comment under bookstagram post that said Katniss is a boring character and THG is boringly written. The person who claimed this also said they've read the 2 first books. And I cannot wrap my head around this way of thinking. I am not able to understand where that experience would come from. So here we are.

I might be biased since I love THG: I have all the books and movies in physical forms, I've got posters and even the Mockingjay pin. So, I am a fan.

But even non-fans have for years been emotionally moved by the story and have stated that Suzanne Collins did amazing job with how she did the world building and wrote all the characters. The story was (is) inspired by our real world - starting with the major war and resistance theme - and people keep telling how much the story resonates with them. And they keep saying that year after year.

Even the people who've thought it's not much of a great story at first have found their minds changed after reading the first book. People who have thought it's overrated have changed their minds. Why? Because they have found the way Suzanne describes the poor and the entitled rich people, the contrast between the two groups, brilliant and heavily touching with how she is so brutally honest with everything: the complete lack of empathy Capitol has for the people in the districts and how damn hard the lives of the latter are, with literally no other way out than death, doesn't matter how much they work or suffer. Capitalism is always top priority. And with that, the entertainment of the rich people. Nothing is sugar-coded.

I would dare to state that objectively THG is a really well written story with how it deep dives into the darkest places of human mind and how captimalism, money and entertainment rules the world. (Sounds familiar?) And the main character is realistically written too, given the circumstances she's been forced to live in: she doesn't really have much guidance or support since she doesn't really let anyone, even the few who care for her, know exactly how bad her family's living conditions are.

Katniss Everdeen's luxuries are cut so short that she almost dies from hypothermia and hunger while trying to search for food for her and her family. She lives constantly on eggshells, not knowing what tomorrow gives or takes, trying to simply stay alive while trying to keep her family alive. She's 16 when she volunteers for the games in her sister's place. She knows that she has no chance of surviving. How could she, when she's already struggling at home, not even knowing how to fight properly?

Yet with all that she's been put through and how she's never given any time to catch her breath, she's actually a warrior. She survives the games and comes back home, as a victor.

Boring. That's the word that was used to describe Katniss and the whole story.

I didn't make this rant with ill intentions, I don't want to drag anyone down simply because their experience differ from mine. I just wanted to get this out of my chest. I've never came across anyone making this statement so it brought some confused feelings in me. And I thought: I don't really have many people over here who could see this, so why not write a small rant.

Just in case a soul or two happens to find this, I would absolutely like to hear your thoughts about this! ˶╹ꇴ╹˶ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

[l-e-morgan-author]

Patience in Recovery

They said she was full of hope, all that time.

They said a lot of lies. I knew because I'd listened at the door, when they didn't know I was in the room at all. I'd overheard the doctors talking, and I knew what they said.

They weren't particularly happy with the way things were going. Nobody was quite sure if her voice would recover properly, because of how long she'd been breathing smoke. Mine recovered just fine, and I wasn't hurt as bad as Patience was.

It was irony, I guess, when you thought about it, that her name was Patience, because now we all had to wait to make sure she'd get better. The doctors had talked to her, and she wrote back answers (carefully, and with her right hand, because the left was still in plaster).

They told me she was brimming with hope, like the way my eyes had been when I woke up in hospital and they told me what had happened. She was ready and waiting to get better.

But I heard them discussing worriedly among themselves, how she was lying there and not actually wanting to get better, like it was too hard. Her body was battered, and seems her mind was, too.

I don't understand. She brightened up a lot when I first came in, and I thanked her for saving me, and she smiled, just a bit, and made a thumbs-up gesture. She was awfully white, and made the sheets look skin colour, and there were all sorts of bulky dressings everywhere, but she whispered, in her hoarse voice, that it was "worth it". I can still hear that if I think about it.

They said she'll walk again, all that sort of thing, but they're worried about the way her hand was damaged, and the amount of burns she got. They don't know if she'll be able to comfortably knit again.

Knitting is her safe thing, her biggest hobby; what would Patience do if she couldn't knit?

She told me she'd knit me a jumper when she was out of there, and that was as good as telling me she loved me, for Patience. Seems she warmed up to me at last.

I was trying not to complain; you know how it is, though, sometimes? When you're living in a house and someone else in the house doesn't like your existence. I guess it was pretty sudden, and Patience is a cagey old dear, but it doesn't feel nice.

Mum wasn't cheerful anymore, not how she used to be. Her expression was worn and like she hadn't slept in a week. I heard her crying one time after she and Dad met with the doctors. Then she and Dad got into an argument, the worst argument I've ever heard, and that's saying something. It was just words, but words are important. Some of the things they called each other weren't very nice, and I shan't reproduce them.

Grief can tear apart a family. I hope it doesn't ours. I hope Patience gets better soon, and all better, because otherwise I don't know what we'll do. She's important, though I'm sure she doesn't realise how important. She better get better quick. I pray for her every night, and I wouldn't like to tell her how much I cry about it. She wouldn't be in trouble if she hadn't saved me. Then again, they say I'd probably be dead.

I guess she figured I was worth saving. Guess I'd better buck up and be someone worth saving.

Get better soon, Patience, and I hope when you're better I can show you how much I care, in a less obnoxious way to how I did before. Rhona out.

&&&&&&&

Added this story to my page of free stories, found here. There's almost 6k of writing on here, all told, and I continue to add to them on a fairly regular basis.

[faceglitchsworld]

It's the 31st of October, happy Halloween everyone!

Hope you'll celebrate this day happily with your ghosts friends and you'll watch your favourite horror movie tonight.

But this is not the important stuff today.

Today it's Seunghyub Day! 🥳

Happy birthday! 🥳

Please, look at the collage I made for him 🥹

I can't believe this month I've ended two birthday letters series, I'm still shocked about it 😭

And it's kinda ironic that I'm ending my N.Flying birthday letters with HIM. The man himself, the leader, Seunghyub 😭

Oh boy, what a rollercoaster writing these letters has been. Honestly, I thought about the format too this time because I wanted to make a very very special letter to him BUT since he's doing well and he's not in the military (thank god) I'll just give you the classic format BUT I've made sure to make it very long this time.

Sorry, you'll read much more this time.

My relationship with Seunghyub is kinda complicated. If you've followed me for a while you already know that I've reblogged many, and I say MANY, Seunghyub posts: photos, GIFs, videos, I think Seunghyub is the N.Flying member with so many posts about it on my blog. He has even more posts than my actual N.Flying bias, it's kinda crazy. But despite this mass posting, Seunghyub still didn't take a place in my bias line.

But despite this, Seunghyub is still important to me. I've met my dearest moots thanks to him and I think I've learned a lot about him thanks to them too.

Like, I think I know all the freaking times he made something risky like making a shirtless photoshoot or that time he starred in a drama and...well, he went randomly shirtless and did some work out too. And every time he does something I consider risky I always make sure to tag my moots on it because he truly makes them cry and scream.

And not only these moments, mind you. There are the silly moments too. Like, I can't believe that this tall man had a boomer moment when he joined Fromm and he couldn't change his propic properly. Or when he went at 2idiots and he almost failed the game and went shirtless. Or when he didn't know how to wear a shirt the right way. This man is silly, very, very silly.

And of course all the silly moments are always connected to what is his second family to him, N.Flying as a whole. And N.Fias too. I think that these days he has been more active than ever (I mean knowing the period ofc he's much more active now). It's honestly good that he wants to spend much time with us and keeping us company while waiting for N.Flying coming back as a whole. Sure, that means more boyfie moments but the company, the company you all. That is more important right now.

And of course I should talk about his music side too. And confess that at first I didn't believe he had a deep talking voice. I believed he had his singing voice and not that one. But still, it's not the most important thing to notice. The important thing to notice is his song writing, both as Seunghyub and as J.DON. because I'll never believe that someone isn't capable of vibing with Clicker, like no, that song is a banger. But there's one song in particular that deserves the spotlight today.

There's one song in N.Flying that I don't listen to too much. Not because it's a bad song or something, but only because I get so emotional when I listen to it that I should listen to it only for some occasions. That song is Starlight.

I don't think this song needs any introduction. If you've followed N.Flying for more than five minutes, you probably already know the meaning behind it, the cute yet sad MV and how it wasn't one of the most played songs live until recently apparently. Maybe Seunghyub went through some emotional struggle and decided to make everyone, especially me, teary and emotional during these recent N.Flying concerts, who knows. Jokes apart, I sincerely think that this song is so powerful to me that you don't need to search the translation to understand its feelings. Heck, I barely remember the translation myself and I still cry when I hear the words.

All this introduction just for telling you that this song, apart for tearing me apart all the time that I hear it, helped me a lot this year. I don't want to enter too much in detail because that would completely ruin the letter's vibe and, well, this is a birthday letter after all, but, at the beginning of this year I lost an important person in my life. The night I received the news I was so devastated that I didn't want to cry about it in front of my parents. It happened only once in my life and I didn't want to do it. I wanted some time alone, you know?

So I went into my room, put on my earphones and searched for a song to listen to. And my mind went towards Starlight. I searched the song, pressed play and let the song ring in my ears. I cried a lot. I think I've put the song on loop a couple of times while I was letting out all the tears. I was tired after a while. But I wanted to listen to the song one last time. And the song turned from a catalyst to a comfort blanket.

Dear Seunghyub, I don't want to reduce your songwriting to just one song but I want to tell you that, thanks to your music, I made a good bunch of friends and I went well when I had some terrible moments during my life. You caught a young fan's heart and you'll keep doing it as time will pass.

That's why my birthday wish for you is that you'll be able to wrap up all the songs from your SoundCloud and that you'll give us the next J.Don comeback from those. The world needs more of your music, your creativity, more of you in general.

Since you already did your birthday live, I can only wish for you the best day ever today. Spend it brightly.

Happy birthday, Seunghyub ❤️

[dreams-of-cerulean]

...well, that's disconcerting.

The Nameless Church got mailed a package. We'll, not exactly mailed. There was a large package that was left on the doorstep steeped in preservation magic and was addressed to the Nameless Church.

And after making sure the package didn't have harmful magic on it, I opened it in front of the other Nameless Church members. And well, there were a baker's dozen of decapitated heads in it. Before everyone could get properly angry and jump to the natural conclusion in a scenario like this, I realized that I recognized the head on top of the stack.

It's that asshole that nearly killed me and succeeded in killing a good number of the Nameless Church. That Jorge guy (still don't know how I know his name). And I suspect the rest of those heads are also Absolute Radiance members.

There was a letter in Jorge's mouth. The enchantments prevented it from being stained with all the blood. There's a paper seal - eight wings set in a ring - a seal from Absolute Radiance.

-------------

"To the Church of the Nameless Goddess,

Almost a year ago to this day, our own Church had unknowingly performed crimes against your own. It was only because of your faction's increased aggression towards us and a bit of fortune did we finally discover the cause.

Let it be known that the actions of our deacon Jorge Delisair was a result of his own personal ambitions and not the intent of the Absolute Radiance. We did not authorize him to go after the Relic of the Nameless Church nor did we ever need it. To show our sincerity in this matter, we have executed the main players involved in this tragedy including the ringleader Jorge. We do not condone his behavior, especially when it harms our brothers and sisters in the fight against the Templar dominance.

We do not need an answer right now. We understand that trust and cooperation between our two parties will not come easy, but I hope the display of our sincerity will help ease tensions between our groups. After all, it is our sincere belief we both serve the same Goddess.

-Apollyon - Head Priest of the Absolute Radiance

----------------

The first thing I really wanted to say is "bullshit." Radiance's doctrine is that when their goddess arrives, the entire world will perish in flame and chaos.

< Myriad Lights > is not a goddess of Destruction. Hell, Chi gets distressed when people get a scratch, not exactly apocalyptic herald material.

...But at the same time, I can't help but feel like they're very sure about this. Why else would you kill a whole bunch of your own people unless you're crazy? Which I suppose worshipping a goddess of destruction would be - but still...

The Nameless Cult is divided on this issue. Sasha's very conflicted and unable to make a decision, and everyone's been waiting on my input too since they nearly killed me.

I know I'm biased in this situation. I still want to kill them to the very last man. Samantha Golden, after all, probably composes a good part of my memories now, and the more memorable memories are of me (her) getting tortured to death. Not to mention, I know that Absolute Radiance is after me because of my soul's nature.

But as someone that's helping the Nameless Church make a good decision, I can't let my personal issues influence it.

In terms of a power standpoint, The Nameless Church probably can't afford to continue to war with Absolute Radiance. Our numbers have been pretty reduced, down to a hundred-ish or so, a lot of them non-combatants. And if the Absolute Radiance could afford to casually execute Jorge, they probably have stronger people behind the scenes.

Additionally, morale-wise, I don't think the Nameless Church has a reason to continue fighting the Absolute Radiance beyond more personal "you killed my family" type deal - not after the main players of that attack are dead. And Jorge was most definitely the leader in that fight, not just a scapegoat. I can already feel the sentiments in the Nameless Church - they're tired of fighting overall.

We'll naturally have to be careful of being backstabbed - and I have to make sure to properly defend myself in case this is just a ploy to get at me. But at this moment, as someone looking after the Nameless Church, I can't condone continuing their war against each other.