#i don't think my family will ever properly understand because almost all of them are athletes and the one who isn't never does any excercis

[doverstar]

I'd love to defend Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life for a minute (I don't usually make long posts and may delete this later for that reason) because I feel like writing something inconsequential.

Other people get lots of comfort watching the original show (especially in the fall). I feel cozier watching AYITL. The characters are much older; the dizzy, flighty, still-growing-up feelings for Lorelai and Rory have faded, and it's full of moments that make it clear that certain things in their lives are definitely always going to be there. Constants. Luke, Stars Hollow, family, Kirk, Taylor, the changing of the seasons. Now - for my defense. (I'm rambling.)

Okay, many, many people don't like the revival. I understand. It's different in a lot of ways from the original show, and lots of expectations were not met. When I first saw it, it threw me too. But I didn't dislike it. In fact, the more I rewatched it, the more I thought it was almost better than the first show. The leading ladies are not flashy young stars anymore - Rory is Lorelai's age when the OG show first began, and Lorelai is gracefully and fabulously careening toward grandma times with all her wit and charm, all her most comfy habits, and it makes me want to hang out with her more than Season 1 of the show ever did. And I think the fact that ASP came back to write for these characters again and end it on her terms, at last, was an absolute win, and I love how she did it because it fixed so many things I thought were wrong in the show.

Lorelai is self-centered, terrified of commitment, and has no idea how to put others before herself and not run away during the hard times - unless something involves Rory.

Rory is self-centered, thinks she is special, and has no idea how to deal with not getting what she wants. The consequences of her actions almost never directly affect her, and when they do, said consequences are quickly stamped on and snuffed out by her mother/friends/family.

Emily is self-centered, desperate to be in control, and finds her worth in what other people think, in how things look, and that includes what Richard thinks.

In the show, Lorelai has moments where she learns to stay and learns to put other people who are not Rory before herself. Those moments don't last. She definitely has good intentions, but they're all conditional. She only has good intentions up to a point - and that point is usually when someone or something threatens her happiness and feeling of safety, or Rory's happiness and feelings of safety (understandable; that's her child).

In the show, Rory is told she is the sweetest kid in the whole world. Rory is told she'd never do anything to hurt anybody. Rory is told she's special, she's smarter than her peers, she's not like other girls. Rory 100% believes that. She also probably has a bit of a problem with living up to that image - she wants to be all of those things, and thinks she is, and can't handle it when it seems like people think she's not. (That may or may not have something to do with Christopher, who always had somewhere more important to be, or with Lorelai, who was so cool and strong and sure of Rory.)

And the show has moments, too, where Lorelai has to face the music and see that she's screwed up or is hurting someone with her behavior (Max, Chris, Luke, Jason, Emily, Richard, Sookie), but very very often, Lorelai breezes her way through that music and keeps moving, and flits to the next thing or person that will make her happy, because she does not know how to stay and stand and fix what she's broken. Because it only matters if she is happy and if Rory is happy. (The same thing goes for Rory in the show - consequences come, but Rory rarely has to properly deal with them herself. She is coddled and propped up the whole way.)

Now, to my point!

I watched AYITL and noticed something was different right away. Lorelai is with Luke (she should be), who is the opposite of her - constant, loyal, selfless, determined to stay no matter how hard things get. But they're not married. Lorelai is scared to really commit, and marriage is one of the hardest things you can commit to - ever. And Lorelai is not happy. Rory, for her part, is not perfectly settled as a reporter or a journalist or any of the things she was always told she could be. And she's not happy. And Emily, bless her, has lost her husband and her false sense of control is spinning away, and of course, she is not happy.

And A Year In The Life takes the show's clumsy half-arc of these three Gilmore women and perfectly completes it.

Lorelai's fear of commitment and habit of bolting when things get hard drives her to push every new chef out of the Dragonfly, refuse to expand the inn to better accommodate Michel's needs, shun Rory's tell-all of her past mistakes, shame Richard at his funeral and break Emily's heart, and worst of all, nearly wreck the closest thing to a proper relationship she's ever had: the one she has with Luke. She can't face that she misses her father, loved her father, and that maybe her mother is right about her relationship status. She can't face that people might read Rory's writing and see all her flaws and all her mistakes growing up in printed ink, and she can't run from that. And when Rory insists, Lorelai cuts ties. Lorelai has spent years avoiding marriage with Luke. She has spent years hurting her mother in an effort to defend herself at all costs. And she has spent years ensuring the Dragonfly Inn is exactly what she wants it to be; because changing it would be uncomfortable, and as a result, she won't commit to a new chef, she won't expand, and she's about to lose Michel the way she lost Sookie.

Rory's bubble of self-centeredness and assurance that she's special is popped with the needle of reality at last: she is not special. She's a young woman who has to actually work hard to find a job and make some money, like everyone her age. She is talented and she is smart, but she's not God's gift to journalism, and people keep saying no, and people keep asking her to prove her skills and her merit, and she doesn't know how to deal with that because everyone has always told her she can do anything she wants and she's the best. She wants a distinguished career and can't find anyone who will take her on; she tries to write for a raging batty feminist (hello Alex Kingston I love your work) and that goes sideways; she wants Logan Huntzberger but she turned down his proposal and now he's engaged and it has to be a secret; she wants somewhere to live - just not Stars Hollow because she's better than the thirty-somethings stuck back home. She wants Lorelai to approve of her book and insists her mother give her this, as if Lorelai hasn't always given her whatever she could. And when Lorelai says no, Rory does what she wants anyway and almost fractures their relationship over it.

Emily's control is completely gone - she can't control her emotions, she can't control her tongue, she can't control her maid or her maid's handy family, she can't even control a stupid painting of her late husband. She's on a downward spiral and her anchor is dead. She tries to regain a sense of worth, because surely that will bring happiness back. She tries to gain it from how many possessions she has, that doesn't work. She tries to gain it from Jack, who is not well-suited to her but he makes a matching accessory to the life other people will see. That doesn’t work. She tries to gain it from therapy with Lorelai, control her daughter at last, that doesn't work. She tries to control Richard's headstone, that doesn't work. She even tries to find solace with her beloved D.A.R, and she finds that emptiest of all.

A Year In The Life has these women finally face their flaws head-on and grow. The way characters should.

Rory: Rory is confronted with the fact that she is not special and has to move home like everyone else her age and get a job she does not want, because that's life, and that's what everyone else has to do in the real world. And when she's at her lowest, pouting, she gets advice from someone who has faced his own flaws long ago and has grown and who knows her at her best, and encourages her to get up and work hard (Jess Mariano, ladies and gentlemen). And she does. Rory hits bottom and takes Jess's advice and works at understanding her mother, who is not perfect, and even goes to interview her father, who is also not perfect. She fights with Lorelai over the book and insists on her own way, and when Lorelai refuses, Rory can only blame herself. She has a rabble-rousing night with her LaDB boys and winds up sleeping with Logan in one more bubble of fantasy, one more umbrella-jump of escapism, like the old days, because Logan is her weakness. And when she wakes up the next morning, Rory turns and walks away from Logan and the affair and her insistence on having what she wants regardless of who she hurts (hello, Dean Forrester and her affinity for taking spoken-for men) for the final time. And the consequences of her desires? She’s pregnant. (Come on, we all know the baby is Logan’s; Rory’s life rhymes with Lorelai’s.) She goes to Christopher to interview him for the book and is subtly asking her father why he wasn’t in her life, because she needs to know what to do with her baby and her lover. She didn’t go to Lorelai to figure that out. She went to her dad, because the truth is, Rory didn’t have her father, and part of dealing with the consequences of her actions is to work out how to take care of this baby and whether or not that means involving the father. She’s owning up. She goes to Lorelai and offers to give up this book; she doesn’t make excuses or whine, she wrote the book anyway because she believes in it, but when she’s gotten three chapters in, she respectfully goes to her mother and asks her to read it and then, for the sake of Lorelai, not herself, Rory promises to quit and throw the book out if Lorelai does not approve. Because Lorelai is more important to her than herself. Rory has worked hard and made mistakes and gotten pregnant and she has stared the world in the eyes and seen she’s not special. And she has to deal with that. And she does, finally, deal with it. And she’s happy.

Emily: Emily is confronted with the fact that nothing is inside her control—except what she does. Worth does not come from what she owns or who she’s with or what she’s wearing, and it didn’t come from her marriage, either. That wasn’t why she married Richard anyway. She is miserable and alone, and part of that is her fault. She married Richard because she loved him, and she keeps coming back to Lorelai because she loves her, and she opens up her house to Rory when Rory needs a place to write because she loves her. Emily looks around at what she has and recognizes what has worth and what doesn’t, maybe for the first time, with clear vision. She recognizes that she can’t control everything. At first, that fact keeps her down. She forgets what day it is, the curtains are closed, and she doesn’t get up in the morning. No Richard, no Lorelai, no reason to move. And then Lorelai calls her, and tells her about who Richard was and what Richard did and how it mattered, and that inspires Emily. She can get up. She buys a place on Cape Cod, totally opposite of the sort of life everyone admires and expects to have worth, and she does what she’s really always been best at—she loves. She takes care. She took care of Richard, she took care of Lorelai and Rory when they needed it, and she takes care of Berta and her wonderful family, instead of having a maid take care of her needs. She packs up and moves out, she sends Jack away, she reveals the D.A.R. for what it is and quits them forever, and she takes a job at a whaling museum because she just likes it. It’s nothing fancy, and neither is her oceanic house or the music she plays in it or the clothing she wears, because none of that is worth anything anyway. Her family is. Her friends are. She gets the painting of Richard done right and brings it with her, and she gives up attempting control of everything and only takes control of how she behaves. She gives Lorelai what Lorelai needs for the Dragonfly, and her only stipulation is that she gets to spend more time with her daughter and Luke. She loves, she takes care of others, she helps. And she’s happy. And now, the best for last. The star.

Lorelai: Lorelai sits in that stupid Stars Hollow Musical and hears a song that perfectly describes her problem—it’s never or now. Make a commitment. Do something hard. Make your life about something other than your momentary present happiness and comfort, the way you do with just Rory, sometimes, but make it a permanent change. Make change permanent! Don’t run away! …And then she runs away. She’s been miserable, she’s hit bottom, like her mother before her and her daughter after her. She’s losing friends, she’s losing Luke, she’s losing Emily, she’s losing Rory over the manuscript, and it’s all her fault. Lorelai tries to breeze past it. She does Wild. She does what she’s never done before, she does something hard and uncomfortable, but she does it for herself, and therefore it doesn’t quite work. She tries to hike, Dipper Pines won’t let her hike, she meets other women her age who think this hike is gonna fix things, it doesn’t, and she gives up and goes to get coffee because that’s her go-to. (Coffee is speedy, bad for you, and only a temporary rush—kind of everything Lorelai clings to, actually.) But the coffee shop is closed, and when Lorelai is denied that allegorical Band Aid, she goes around back and sees a great view and finally finds clarity. She didn’t need the hike—she needed to think. She needed a moment of silence and introspection to gain the insane courage to finally stop moving, stick around, and face her fears. To put her eyes on herself and then take her eyes off herself and onto other people—namely the people she loves. Lorelai calls Emily and cries, because it’s hard to do this, it hurts, but with one story, she proves she loved her father, and she knows her father loved her, and the fact that she’s calling shows that she knows Emily loves her too, and she loves Emily, and has loved them both all along. It gives Emily the strength she needs to get out of bed. That was hard, but Lorelai did it. And now she’s going to do more hard things—she’s going to commit. It’s never or now, and Lorelai chooses now. She goes home and the first thing she does is propose to Luke and become Lorelai Danes overnight. Hard. Scary. Just right. She patches things up with her daughter, and chooses Rory over herself—for the hundredth time, yes, but when it’s at its hardest for her to do. “I’ll read it when it’s done.” Lorelai expands the Dragonfly. She goes to Emily for help, which is also super hard, but this time it’s not for Rory – it’s for her, and it’s for Michel, and it’s for the Dragonfly. And she accepts Emily’s affectionate terms. Lorelai chooses Rory, Luke, Emily, and Michel over herself, and commits, and she doesn’t run away. And she’s happy.

And all of it is earned. Finally earned.

I could talk more about the incredible writing, about ASP at her best, about the perfect themes and scenery and the very intentional end to Paris, Lane, Kirk, Taylor, Dean, Jess, Logan, Chris, and the general cast’s stories, but I’ve already rambled for too long.

Suffice it to say: A Year in the Life is my Gilmore Girls. It’s best version of the story. I think it was expertly done. Not perfect, but an ending that was earned.

[stillfruit]

i love not knowing if i'll ever be healthy again i love all of the time i've used to move my body become nothing i love spending my adulthood wasting away year after year for various reasons baby!

[woso-dreamzzz]

Natalia V

Hardersson x Daughter!Reader

Natalia Guijarro (OC) x Hardersson!Reader

Part of The Big Adeventures Universe

Summary: Talia finally does it

It's not a big diamond but it's not exactly small either.

It's understated, Magda supposes. The picture of it looks kind of blurry but she can tell it's beautiful.

It's the most nervous Magda's ever seen Natalia. Talia's always had this confidence, a slight arrogance that followed her every move but she's withdrawn a little now, almost nervous as she displays a photo of the ring.

"It's not ready yet," She says," I'm getting shaped to fit her finger properly."

For once, Magda is speechless in Natalia Guijarro's company. You've been with her for a few years now so Magda is used to Talia's presence. She'd even go as far as to say Talia is part of the family.

But this would make it official.

"Talia," Pernille says, clutching Magda's hand and looking close to tears," Really?"

"I..." Talia's throat bobs. "I love your daughter with all my heart and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. As my wife." Her eyes dance between Magda and Pernille. "Do I have your permission?"

Pernille nods but that was a given. Pernille has always loved Talia, always been so sure that Talia was good for you.

Magda's the challenge though and all three of them know it.

You're Magda's little girl, the little baby she had once held in her arms and wept over. She's always been trying to hold onto that part of you, the tiny child that complained about wearing her Chelsea shirt and got stolen from her every time she went to camp.

Magda stands and Talia almost folds into herself as she stares up at the older woman.

"You want to marry my daughter?"

"Yes."

"Good," Magda says, holding her hand out for Talia to shake," Because I can't think of anyone I would want to marry my daughter apart from you."

Talia picks up the ring with Magda on the breakfast run she promised you, opening and closing the case anxiously.

"She's going to say yes," Magda says.

"You don't know that."

"I do. She's crazy for you."

"She could do better."

Magda hums. "No, she couldn't."

The ring feels heavy in Talia's pocket for the weeks after she picks it up, waiting for the right time to get down on one knee to propose to you.

There's been so many opportunities but she just hasn't take it yet.

Patri's been calling her a coward, telling her that everyone already knows what you're going to say so it's not nearly as tense at Talia thinks it's going to be.

But, still, the ring goes everywhere with her and none of the chances are nearly perfect enough for this moment.

Snow falls heavily in Sweden, beating against the window as you sit in front of Pernille like you did when you were little, letting her pull it back into an elaborate braid.

There's groans from outside the front door and the scraping of shovels.

Pernille sighs. "I keep telling your Morsa to shovel the driveway after it's finished snowing. I don't know why she always insists on doing it whilst it's happening."

"I can't believe she's gotten Talia out there with her. She hates the snow."

Pernille laughs a little bit, twisting a strand of your hair neatly. "You know those two. Always competing."

"I don't think Morsa understands she's not as fit as she used to be."

"Don't tell her that. Magda thinks she's just as fit as she always was. She pretends that she doesn't get back pain."

You giggle a little bit and Pernille ties off your braid.

The front door opens and neither Magda nor Talia stops to say hello as they stalk from the front garden to the back garden, dragging in a big box through the house.

Pernille sighs, drawing the curtains closed, a hint of a smile on her face.

"What was that?"

She shrugs, lying straight to your face," I don't know. Magda must have ordered something for the garden again."

The sound of drills and hammers sound in the backyard and you turn to go look but Pernille shepherds you upstairs.

"I left you something on your bed," She tells you," Do you mind changing into it? I put some shoes there too."

You frown. "I'm an adult now. I don't need you buying me clothes."

"Humour me, princesse, and go change."

It's a simple dress which makes you frown.

Pernille usually buys you things like jackets and jumpers to keep you warm. A dress is different but not unwelcome.

It's nice. It fits well and the shoes are comfortable too.

You glance at yourself in the mirror, checking the fit. With the way Pernille's done your hair, you look beautiful.

You can't help the small smile that appears on your face.

You don't really get dressed up a lot, happy in your comfortable tracksuit bottoms and an oversized shirt but this outfit makes you feel a little bit giddy as you head down the stairs to show Pernille.

She's not there though and you duck into several rooms in confusion but she's nowhere to be found.

The curtains looking into the back garden have been drawn back though and you spot Talia standing under a wooden arch that definitely wasn't there this morning.

You step outside, the snow falling softly as you walk up the path to her.

She sucks in a stuttered breath as you approach.

"You...You look beautiful."

You glance down bashfully. "What are you doing out here? You hate the cold."

Talia laughs a little nervously, hands behind her back. "I was waiting for you."

"You could have been waiting a while."

"I would have waited however long it took."

You glance around. "What's going on?"

"Oh, god...I...I had a speech but I think I've forgotten it all."

You frown. "Talia, I'm confused."

"I promise I had a speech. When I remember it, I'll definitely tell you but...As of right now, all I can do is this."

Talia gets down on one knee.

"Will you marry me?"

[ventique18]

Papa 🐉 with triplets HCs

When going overseas for official duties, he prefers not to be cooped up in that weird iron bird creature (it's an airplane, hun). So he instead flies to the country in his dragon form. Imagine people's awe when this gigantic, magnificent creature lands gracefully, lowers his head down carefully, and out of his mouth hops not one, not two, but three little dragons. They're so tiny you could swear they're cute little dogs.

He always goes to meetings clad in heavy robes. More often than not though, his mysterious cloak has a peculiar feature: it produces three sets of giggling voices every once in a while, especially when the room goes deadly silent.

Once an hour passes though, three little tykes get magicked out of the cloak like how a bunny hops out of a magician's hat. The wyrmlings like to climb on and off papa's back and munch on his horns. Everyone could only glance in amazement at how strong their Majesty's neck muscles must be to withstand the weight.

The three siblings still have very small wings but would always attempt to fly. 🌸 always almost has a heart attack when they inevitably come crashing down from their disproportionate weight, but 🐉 would save them the last second with his magic. He'd laugh loudly and hug 🌸 to reassure them none of their babies would get into accidents while he's alive.

I say accident because the three would frequently get hurt on purpose anyway. Their parents don't understand why, but one of their hobbies seem to be beating each other up in any way they could think of. 🐉🌸 would often wake up in the dead of the night because one sibling hurled another off the bed, simply because he/she was hogging 🌸's chest apparently. 🌸's chest is their favorite snuggle spot.

While 🐉 frankly doesn't have all the time in the world, he strictly employs a 8-5 work hour like a regular person. He doesn't really mind working but ever since he's started a family, he believes this is finally his god-given grace so he'll do it properly. His spouse is very capable in assisting him so they never really had problems with this arrangement.

So he likes to be closer to his babies and feeds them personally while it's still normal. He kinda just force-feeds them mashed food with a spoon in a row though. "Can't you make it more fun? Like, open wide, here comes the flying broom!" "I am simply not a sappy person." "You feed me while saying cheesy shit though..." "I cannot very well say those kinds of things to my children."

When he bathes them, he makes them line up and dunks them into a pool one by one. When they're in their dragon form, he scrubs them with a brush like he's doing laundry.

He hangs them on a clothesline to dry them on a sunny day lmao. "What are you doing to our babies??" "What? They enjoy it." Fair enough, the little gremlins are giggling.

When 🐉🌸 gets one those snazzy refrigerators with a water faucet and ice dispenser in front, the siblings like to sit on top of each other's shoulders so they could steal ice cubes for themselves. Or lap at the running water like thirsty dogs.

Grim has dedicated water bowls all over the place because he finds it hard to pour from a pitcher, and the feral siblings actually prefer lapping from those than go to the refreshments table to fetch a drink. The first time 🐉🌸 saw this, they were so shocked they kinda just stared blankly.

"Are... Are they actually dogs..." "I do not know, at this point." "Did you do this too when you were little?" "We did not have any semblance of a pet so I do not think so." Lilia reveals later though, that 🐉 drank from the damn toilet once.

He likes teaching them all manners of things. He gets a bit too intense sometimes though, what with them failing over and over again on what he thinks to be simple tasks, so 🌸 has to remind him gently that they are not him and shouldn't ever be him. He lets up and smiles. Yes, this is what children are supposed to be.

He legitimately doesn't have any ounce of experience with fatherhood and was suddenly thrust with three, so 🌸 honestly thinks he's a bit clumsy when it comes to taking care of them. Really clumsy and callous, actually.

But when 🌸 chances upon their three babies curled up against him, with him napping soundly and still holding an illustrated book on gargoyles and their history (goodness, he never changes), they thought he wasn't so bad after all.

Thinking harder about it though, what with him carrying the weight of the country while carrying the weight of three chubby babies and a feral cat, he might be the best father ever, after all.

[laughhardrunfastbekindsblog]

Okay, my one and only major complaint about Bad Batch is that I don't think they handled Tech's death properly (I still don't think they should have killed him off at all, but here we are; and even if they intend(ed) to leave things open-ended to maybe bring him back later, the titular characters in the show wouldn't have known that); and with all the reasons I've seen floating out there as to WHY Tech's death was handled the way it was and why the characters reacted the way they did (or didn't), I just want to explain why none of the "reasons" cut it for me. If you're satisfied with how Tech was handled in season 3, I am genuinely happy for you (and lowkey jealous, ngl 😉). I've just been thinking about this a lot and need to spell it out!

Reason #1: "Why do we need to see more of the characters mourning? What we got was enough. We don't need a 2 hour episode that's all about the characters grieving." (Yes, someone actually used "2 hours" in their argument.)

Let's recap what we got: 1) A scene where Echo looks sadly at the Marauder's pilot seat, Wrecker actually sheds some tears (bless him), Omega's in denial, and Hunter tells Omega they're going to retire on Pabu because Tech is gone... followed up almost immediately by the villain dropping off broken goggles as the only proof that Tech was ever on Eriadu; 2) a scene where the audience is shown Tech's goggles but Hunter doesn't interact with them- instead, he looks at Lula, proving that his driving motivation is recovering Omega (which is fine when taken from the perspective that he can't do anything about Tech, whereas he can do something for Omega; but that perspective is ultimately just headcanon because the show never reiterates or follows up on this); 3) Wrecker alluding to Tech (not by name) to try to convince Hunter to be more cautious; 4) Omega name-dropping Tech (wait, does Crosshair even know what happened?... yay for context clues, I guess); 5) Echo name-dropping Tech in relation to data decryption with the team looking down sadly for 5 seconds (I timed it) before Crosshair changes the subject; 6) Phee name-dropping Tech in relation to her not knowing what m-count is; 7) Crosshair referring to Tech's information on Ventress; 8) Omega leaving Tech's goggles in the Archeum with none of her brothers around (hot take: it kinda bothers me that the goggles are given the same treatment as Lula, I totally understand the context/deeper meaning of Omega leaving her childhood behind by leaving Lula, but we're talking about the one relic they have of their fallen and irreplaceable brother being given the same emotional weight as a doll); 9) Phee referring to Tech having a discussion with her about Crosshair while Tech's goggles are in the background (and, noticeably, Crosshair doesn't react at all and just changes the subject back to needing a ship); 10) Crosshair says the squad died with Tech, Wrecker says Tech understood the risks, and that's that.

So, what we got was enough to establish that the characters were sad in the immediate aftermath of Tech's death, that some of them may have stayed sad about it all through season 3, and that the show didn't completely forget that Tech had been a main character at one point.

What we DON'T get is any real reference to what Tech meant to the family as an individual and a brother, any real indication of how the loss of Tech (distinct from the mission to save Omega) influences his family's actions or the story's overall narrative, any actual acknowledgement in the show of Tech's sacrifice having any meaning or the family moving past grief to express any form of gratitude for Tech's presence and influence on their lives, any reference to Tech having a true impact on 4 of his 5 siblings (Omega is the closest we get to witnessing Tech's continued influence on any of his siblings and even seeing that involves squinting/head tilts at times)... in other words, we get a few minutes of sadness, but never any catharsis. We see they miss him, but never does this truly inform the narrative or their decisions in season 3, AND it's left frustratingly vague where the characters are in the grieving process (more on that later).

Besides, no one (that I have come across, at least) was ever asking for a 2 hour episode. At most, Kanan got a 22-minute "eulogy" episode, and most of us aren't even asking for that. I'd have been at least minimally satisfied with a "Mayday moment" for Tech - and that scene lasted a grand total of 20 seconds. What would have been more satisfying would have been the show taking all those superficial name drops and converting at least a few of them into meaningful mentions indicating what Tech means to his brothers and/or how he continues to have an influence on his family and/or how his sacrifice is a motivating factor for them.

Reason #2: "There was no time."

Leaving aside the fact that there was apparently plenty of time and opportunity to make Tech (among others) a red herring...

Let's assume that the showrunners were not only told they only had 1 season left to wrap everything up, but were given highly specific time allotments for each episode to where they weren't allowed to add any scenes (I highly doubt this is what happened, but we're rolling with the "no time" thing here). You know what you do in that scenario when you're talking about something like following up on a main character's death that clearly has left your entire fanbase in an uproar? You MAKE time: you trim down the action scenes, you make the characters walk a little bit faster, you decide whether an extended scene of Echo giving Omega a crossbow that is never going to show up again is actually worth saving (I actually like the scene, by the way; just giving an example), you cut out a few of the extremely vague lines of dialogue Fennec and Asajj indulge in. What you DON'T do is kill off a beloved main character and then rely on convenient time lapses/time skips to just brush over all the fallout apart from a few name drops that do nothing to establish just how important said character was to the other characters in the show.

What's more, they could have EASILY included some true closure with ANY of the Tech name-drops/scenes that were already in the show. Have Hunter look at Tech's goggles before looking beyond them at Lula in 3.02. Have the brothers be present with Omega when she decides to leave Tech's goggles in the Archeum in 3.11. Have any of the brothers say one meaningful line about Tech while they're otherwise silently basking in the sunshine in the end scene on Pabu in 3.15!

Reason #3: "They're soldiers."

Of all the reasons given for why Tech's death was mishandled, I dislike this one the most. What does CF99 being soldiers have to do with the aftermath of Tech's death being reduced to perfunctory allusions? (If you want to get into the argument that soldiers in general have to figure out a way to "move on" and The Clone Wars didn't really spend any time on the clones processing losses after battles, let me just say I don't care for how this topic is covered in The Clone Wars either, and Bad Batch was a golden opportunity for the Star Wars franchise to move past this unfortunate trope.) Fallen soldiers in real life get memorials/funerals too, even if it's months after the battle. Fallen soldiers are honored and remembered by their families and those closest to them. If the show is trying to push the stereotype that soldiers move on from tragic deaths of comrades by being "stoic" and holding it all in and never talking about it, I strongly disagree with the perpetuation of this stereotype; and if the characters as soldiers actually DID grieve Tech in a healthy way, why didn't the show depict it?

Reason #4: "Star Wars writers don't know how to write meaningful scenes/payoff regarding death and characters dealing with death/loss."

The Bad Batch writers proved time and again how brilliant they are at writing emotional storylines with maximum payoff. Case in point: Mayday. Enough said (I'm writing too much on this general topic as it is).

Reason #5: "They got over it."

Maybe I'm reading things wrong, but a rather drastic change in behavior for one character (going from cautious and weighing all risks, to reckless and jumping headfirst into situations without proper backup), and another character including Tech's death as just one reason why he "deserves" to go on a suicide mission, does not read to me as the characters "getting over it." It reads to me as "avoidance behavior" and "continued internal conflict." (Granted, Hunter's more reckless behavior in season 3 likely had as much to do with the Omega situation as it did Tech's death, but the point still stands. And if the point DOESN'T still stand, then I've got even MORE issues with how this plotline was handled, so we'll just keep assuming it does.)

Furthermore, if the characters had truly "gotten over it," there shouldn't have been any hesitation or issue with them discussing and honoring Tech in meaningful ways.

Reason #6: "They DIDN'T get over it."

Right, and we ended the show that way, with no clear resolution to them actually coming to terms with Tech's death and honoring his memory. Great.

Reason #7: "Whatever. It's good Tech stayed dead. Tech's sacrifice meant something."

... Did it? Did it really? I mean, I know I say quite frequently that Tech's sacrifice is what made the happy ending possible for the others (because that's the only thought that got me through a rewatch of season 3). But the show, the narrative itself, certainly doesn't act like it really meant anything. Hunter says in the season 2 finale that they "weren't going to waste Tech's sacrifice" because they were going to retire on Pabu... and that discussion promptly gets forgotten and never brought up again, not even when the squad is trying to stay off the Empire's radar in season 3 after Omega returns. Never is there any discussion that "not wasting Tech's sacrifice" by hiding on Pabu to make sure no one else dies (a very understandable reaction, of course) also goes against the very mission Tech pushed for in the first place: rescuing Crosshair. Never do we hear Omega tell Crosshair, "Tech didn't give up on you, I'm not giving up on you, that's why you ARE going to escape with me." Never is there any talk about "Tech wanted us to live and stay together, so that is what we are going to do." Never is there any acknowledgement at the end of the show that they are all going to live in peace on Pabu because Tech made sure they could live.

The last half of season 4 of Rebels is full of references to Kanan's sacrifice actually meaning something and having direct tangible consequences not only for the family but for Lothal and the Rebellion. For one thing, the show itself literally spells out that the mission to shut down the Imperial factories on Lothal was actually a success because all the fuel reserves were destroyed - Kanan had died, but the mission had succeeded and directly led to the success of the bigger mission to completely free Lothal, and while this is very poor consolation for the loss of Kanan, at least the show openly acknowledged it. Kanan and his influence is also openly credited for Ezra foiling Palpatine's plans with the Jedi Temple and the WBW, Ezra learning to let go and again disrupting Palpatine's plans in the finale, and doing what was needed to ensure Lothal was fully freed.

Imagine how different Rebels would be if Kanan's death had been treated like Tech's: no mention that his role on the mission had any impact whatsoever. No reference to Ezra or any other member of the Ghost crew living up to what Kanan had taught them all - or, at best, there's a perfunctory reference in the epilogue that Ezra decided to keep using the Force the way Kanan had taught him to. No depiction of Ezra or Hera or Sabine or Zeb accepting Kanan's death and letting go of the pain while holding on to the memories. Nothing to show that any of the Ghost crew members act in memory of Kanan or that he is a motivating influence on them. No indication that Kanan's sacrifice drives Ezra to decide to follow up on their initial success with the factories and ultimately completely drive the Empire from Lothal.

Rebels just wouldn't be nearly as fulfilling.

Now, imagine if Tech's death had been treated like Kanan's, and maybe it will become more clear why I have a REALLY hard time agreeing with the argument that the show itself actually depicted Tech's death as "meaning something."

[hobiebrownismygod]

Let's talk about Desi representation again!!

I don't talk about this stuff often but when I do, I have some strong ass opinions

and yes I'm gonna be talking about none other than Pavitr Prabhakar at the end cuz he's just special to me <3

Hollywood is lagging behind on Desi representation

You'd think one of the biggest film industries in the world would be able to represent us properly, considering the fact that we make up the largest group of South-Asian Americans and the second largest group of Asian-Americans in the US, but instead-

Western Television forces Indians to conform to harmful stereotypes

Some of the most popular Desi characters on screen are Raj Koothrappali from the Big Bang Theory, Devi Vishwakumar from Never Have I Ever and Kelly Kapoor from the Office.

Indian men are almost always portrayed as robotics engineers and computer whizzes, but with terrible social intellect, making them seem like awkward nerds.

Indian women are almost always portrayed as "whitewashed", or wanting to appear more western, with zero understanding of their own culture or language along with an unrelenting need for attention from white friends/colleagues.

These are both based on stereotypes that Indian culture is "toxic" and "too traditional" and that Indians are only interested in studies.

Most Desi characters in western media have stories that are solely based around their ethnicity and/or racial stereotypes.

British television actually showcases a lot more representation than Hollywood does

I was watching Polite Society, a movie starring two Pakistani characters as the main leads, and there was a dance scene where both the leads are wearing traditional desi attire. My mom turned over, looked at me, and asked, "Is this Hollywood? It can't be."

And she was right. It's a British movie with British-Pakistani actors.

The reason she didn't believe that it could've been Hollywood was because the dresses the two leads were wearing were traditional and beautiful and the song playing in the background was authentic Hindi music, not some random westernized DJ version of it.

A Hollywood movie would've never dressed up their Desi actors in actually flattering attire (*cough cough the Patel twins from Harry Potter) or have used real, popular Desi music in the background.

You see my point?

It is so uncommon to see well-thought-out Desi representation in TV nowadays, where to see real diversity we have to watch movies made by the same country that colonized us.

Ironic.

British movies/shows with desi leads have far better South Asian representation than anything I've seen in Hollywood recently.

The Hollywood movies starring Indian leads, like Slumdog Millionaire or Bend it like Beckham were filmed in the UK, and because they were filmed in the UK, they had fantastic South Asian representation.

Not only does Hollywood refuse to create shows and movies about real problems that South Asians face, but they also don't cast South Asian actors in good roles.

When's the last time you saw a South Asian actor playing a character that wasn't a walking stereotype? When's the last time you saw a South Asian actor playing a character that was a genuine part of the story rather than just comedic relief or a random smart kid in the classroom?

Not often, right?

Me, personally, I didn't grow up with a lot of South Asian characters or actors in shows/movies that I watched. In fact, every time someone even close to my skin color showed up on TV, I was on the edge of my seat because it was just so rare to see it.

This is why representation matters.

You've heard about all the young girls with braids being so excited when the new little mermaid with Halle Bailey came out. Well, us desi kids wanted that too.

I wanted to see a Telugu speaking girl with wavy hair and dark skin who would wear traditional clothing to Desi get-togethers and parties, go to the temple with her family, eat vegetarian Indian meals, etc...

I wanted to see a character who was a representation of me and my experiences as an Indian-American. I wanted to see a character that was at least a representation of Indians or just South Asians in general.

Instead, we were given characters that ridiculed their own culture, were extreme stereotypes and furthered the existence of casual racism in western society today. So many Desi kids experience small acts of racism on a daily basis because people have been so desensitized to the existence of these stereotypes.

Telling South Asians that their culture is a joke and feeding non-asian children media which pokes fun at other cultures is harmful, not only to us South Asians but also communities that could end up being targeted next.

Pavitr Prabhakar; Representation Matters

If you've been following me or if we're mutuals, you probably know I have a tiny obsession with Pavitr Prabhakar. But why?

Because of all the reasons I just listed.

There are few South Asian characters us Desis can look up to these days, and Pavitr Prabhakar is one of the maybe two or three characters who have great writing, magnificent representation, and overall a fun vibe.

He's likable, funny, smart and best of all, unapologetically Desi.

He's just like all the other side characters, with a little bit of his own culture mixed in. He's not being shoved down our throats to further an agenda about fake diversity, he's not a walking stereotype and best of all, he was designed by Indian creators.

He's refreshing and exciting to follow in a world full of a demand for half-hearted representations and the people who created him were obviously putting their hearts and souls into it.

He's awoken a love for Indian culture amongst, not only Desi children themselves but also among westerners who, prior to this, had thought of India as a "3rd world" country, because that's the agenda that Hollywood pushes onto many South Asian countries today.

WE LOVE PAVITR PRABHAKAR!!

This was kinda all over the place but I just had to get this off my chest <3

Sources:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2021/06/10/discrimination-against-indian-americans-happens-more-than-you-might-think/

[coolingrosa]

Honestly about nightmare....it upset me quite a bit how he just didn't at all understand why Killer was acting out like this. It felt so obvious? Like with Dust showing up and Killer acting out in response to it....Unless this is a common occurrence? I am really wondering what nightmare thought about this, if he even tried to read Killer and his behaviour or perhaps ask Dust about the relationship between the two. Did he just not think anything about it? Just assume "oh its a kid throwing a tantrum, it'll pass"? Man i'd rly like to know it from his perspective. Maybe he is used to ppl throwing tantrums, considering I am pretty sure error flips out a lot too. I guess the problem hereby lies with the fact error is an immortal and an adult and killer,.,,is not. and nightmare just simple doesn't distinguish the two properly.

But honestly I think nightmare should have known better than to snap at Killer ToT..... I believe that him snapping did ultimately the most damage, error just kinda added a bit more salt to it to be put it simple. After all Killer favoured Nightmare obviously a lot more than Error, he was like a parent figure for him basically. So Nightmare snapping would mean a lot more than what Error says. I don't like how error told Killer that advice though, he basically just told him to "suck it up", in the pretense of "caring" for nightmare and not wanting to see him upset. It feels wrong to say that error cares though, because of how he is STILL stuck in the past. It almost feels like he is talking and giving advice to Killer more for himself than for nightmares sake.

Both error and nightmare are so inexperienced with mortals and so fucking mentally fucked up themselves, I doubt they will act any different unless someone who is a mortal corrects them...And I honestly thought Dust would do it? At one point it felt like he knew why Killer did it, but then it felt like he did not?

ultimate question however: how will nightmare react to Killers change? I wonder if alarm bells will ring or if he will just think that Killers "phase" finally passed. And I fear it'll be the latter.... So sorry for the long ass essay, I have SO many questions AND IT IS SO HARD TO TELL WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN AND HOW THIS MESS OF A MAKE-SHIFT FAMILY IS GOING TO DEVELOPE.....

You’re analysis is so wonderful and definitely the mixed emotions I wanted to give. Especially since good and evil doesn’t exist in Roseverse, just people and their actions. A lot of my YouTube and tiktok dragged on Dream solely for a while due to the limited knowledge, so chapter four was a big drop as it showed just how out of depth and horrible Nightmare and Error could be as well. I’m gonna try to answer each part of this the best I can without revealing too much!

1. Nightmare is used to Killer acting out, which happened a lot in the pilot, so he doesn’t put two and two together that these moments are connected- especially since Killer has never been put in a situation around him to show that he ALSO has jealousy issues as well as self esteem issues. For a while it was just them and sometimes Error in the castle, which Killer never showed an act of jealously towards- only distrust.

2. Nightmare’s perspective won’t be shown a lot in the next Bad Sanses chapter unfortunately, so I’ll try my best to explain his reasoning here. Don’t take it as a defense. I may explain characters and their actions, but at the end of the day, Nightmare is a adult and has a responsibility.

Nightmare’s main flaw (and I can now finally state this) is that he doesn’t care for people who are not under his radar. Saying he doesn’t know much about negative emotions is redundant, but his abilities to help with them have long since faded ever since the loss of Ink. Killer clearly is the product of a teenager with intense mental health issues, and Nightmare never got to see Ink as a bratty teenager. Killer is the only example around him and so he quite frankly sucks at it and sees his outbursts as…well…tantrums. He can’t fully see Killer for what he is and constantly sees him as a child due to his own age, and that belittling makes Killer’s emotions and rightful feelings come across as childish to Nightmare.

The mention of Error is also correct. Nightmare is used to emotional and violent outbursts since he was thirteen- especially from those close to him. Error and Nightmare as children weren’t healthy and Error was an abusive friend. I will always state that. However, though Error improved his ways, Nightmare never fully blamed him for such things and therefore never saw anything wrong with the people he loved lashing out and being hurtful. It’s normal for him- and also not smth to be addressed in his eyes. However, Killer is a child and as the adult, Nightmare has a responsibility to step in and correct his behavior with disciplinary action rather than passiveness. But, of course, he doesn’t until he finally snaps

3. Yeahhh I will say what Error told Killer didn’t bother him too much until he made the comment about Dust. Killer is far too use to the verbal abuse Error shoots at him that it rolled off of him and he was more annoyed Error was still in the room. Error and Killer just aren’t and will never be close enough for their fights to leave any impact. Nightmare, though? After finding out truly what Nightmare is capable of and then being told that? Oh, yeah, Killer is crushed.

4. This was one of the few times Error tried to actually help in his own way. Error doesn’t word himself well, even when being vulnerable. He hoped Killer would understand it as “there’s no need to lash out as ur already here and cared for. So just stop hating urself and others and finally feel secure. “ Was it not so great advice and easy to be misunderstood from what he actually meant? Yea. Did he just COMPLETELY miss the mark on mental health and the struggles of slowly getting over the fear of abandonment and the steps it takes to FEEL that security? YEAH LMAO. But Killer definitely misunderstood him as well. And Error also misunderstood something about Dust as well. I’ll expand more on that in my last point.

5. Dust may be smart, but he can’t put together a case without solid evidence and explanation and due to him not being there from the start, he doesn’t truly understand why Killer is acting like he is. He knows it has something to do with Nightmare, but what that actually is? He can’t know. I believe this won’t be a shock, but Dust does think Killer was being abused by Nightmare and therefore becomes like a guard dog. When Killer jumps him, that ideas gets thrown out the window and Dust is left utterly confused on the motives. He doesn’t hate him, though. He’s just confused, and hurt.

6. And unfortunately, Dust isn’t empathetic enough to be the one to truly understand things. Wonder who will be, though…

7. I cant say too much as that’s a chapter seven thing, but I will say it’s where Gus the immortal frog comes in (Killer’s pet) and given by Nightmare. I’m sure you can put two and two together as to why Nightmare, who is clueless about everything teenager related, is stooping to giving the apathetic Killer a pet 😭

8. Almost forgot this part but Killer is an unreliable narrator. He will always be, and the next bad Sanses chapter will see that, as it won’t be in his perspective solely. Everything he sees and thinks is unreliable. For example, when they reach the au and Dust is slowly blinking at him while Killer demands to know why he came too, Killer takes it as a threat. What if Dust actually doing? Blinking at him like he’s a angry cat bc Dust doesn’t understand emotions and defeats to animal behaviors to help soothe this teenager LMAO

[aihoshiino]

It was obvious Ai loved him…but seeing it said on screen still makes it tragic…i almost felt i had a lump in my stomach Hikaru could've been alright if they just had a happy family together but no 😭😭 with the dvd now revealed, do you think Ai would've gotten back together with Hikaru if she knew that "I can't love you" was a lie? Even as a family i feel like that's a possibility now

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, ngl… now we have the full context of the HKAI breakup and a better overall understanding of their r/s dynamic, I've actually been thinking about their first on-scree conversation in episode/volume 1 - where Ai speaks to him on the payphone. I'd always kind of zeroed in on it as important because it was the one and only time pre-flashback that we'd gotten an actual exchange between the two of them, one sided as it was. And I was especially always really curious about the "No, I'm not trying to get back together" line because it implies A Lot even when we just hear Ai's words.

And now that we know that the HKAI relationship was 1) so unhealthily codependent that Earth's Most Autistic Creature, Ai Hoshino noticed and went mmm i gotta get the fuck outta here 2) ended by Ai herself and 3) Hikaru met that breakup attempt with LET'S GET MARRIED I think it makes it clear that the moment Ai reached out to him he immediately leapt to thinking there was a chance of them getting back together, probably out of pure wishful thinking. And Ai, realizing that he hadn't moved on or been able to grow past her, had to gently but firmly turn him down. And keeping in with that theme of miscommunication tragedies, they were probably both having a VERY different conversation:

What Ai meant: "[I know I'd just be a burden to you, especially with the twins and I don't want to put that weight back on you so] I'm not trying to get back together." What Hikaru heard: "[You're a burden and I can't bear the weight of putting up with you so of course] I'm not trying to get back together."

Minor sidebar, but Takahashi actually highlights that moment in particular during her interview in First Report, the anime guidebook (I promise I'll get it translated soon… I promise…!!!), noting that Akasaka actually gave her the full details as to the HKAI dynamic so she knew how to properly convey Ai's feelings for him at that moment (then noted that as a fan of the original manga she has very mixed feelings about getting spoilers… bless her LOL). So Ai's vocal delivery in that scene can also be considered a pretty big clue…

ANYWAY UH. My point is that I don't think they'd ever get back together unless Hikaru got his shit together and was more stable & less prone to clinging onto Ai at the first opening. She herself even says that they broke up because his obsession with her was consuming him and she wanted him to be able to stand on his own without her, because she thought that was better for him. It's possible that him and Ai being in each other's lives vis-a-vis the twins and Ai being more able to set boundaries (in hindsight, her turning him down is actually really good progress for her!) he could've developed a more healthy relationship with her, but his fixation on her then and in the present day is so all consuming I guess it's hard for me to imagine.

[safely-in-vhagars-belly]

Ashes Burn (Chapter 3) Dark!Aemond x AFAB Reader

🔷Summary: Aemond takes your town and you become his.

🔷Author's note: I don't mess around with the dark aemond tag. Watch your step please.

🔷Wordcount: 6052

Warnings below the cut but mind your step!

RATING: EXPLICIT, 18+ MDNI!!!!!

Warnings: Death, gore, got sexism, got violence, dubcon, thigh riding, slight smut, degrading, blood. violence and trauma. Read at your own risk, dead dove do not eat or something among those lines.

STORY BEGINS HERE

That very same evening, your father is to yield the castle to Aemond. You are present and dressed properly for the occasion, happy to see your father out of his chains. At least, the chains are not present, but that does not mean he’s a free man. No one in your family is free anymore.

The dress your servants have selected is an emerald green one with black details of roses and thorns. It is quite the revealing gown, and you know that is why Aemond approved of it. He can't take his good eye off you, as it constantly wanders to you, one way or another, as a moth drawn to the flame.

The ceremony occurs on a big square in the village. There are flower decorations that have quickly been gathered by your servants to make some effort. Perhaps for the fallen, perhaps to show Aemond they can be loyal, and they do not need to be killed yet. Maybe both.

It is sickening in a way, seeing so many flowers rooted safely from their grounds to honor such a horrible man. The faces of those who he fed to his dragon are still on your mind. They haunt you, in a way.

Blood still can be seen between the tiles on the ground. It would be a while to clean it, if it ever would be clean again.

The food is good and delicious but you as a Prince's pet are allowed only to eat what Aemond has approved of. You wistfully look at the delicious cake that his commanders and generals eat.

You can't help but stare and wonder, your tummy rambling. You would love a piece of cake too. It looks delicious even from a distance. The prince catches your glance and follows it, scowling more and more every single moment. ‘’What is it, my pet?’’

There is plenty of cake for everyone. You know so. And you are starving. So, you force yourself to become a little braver and a little bolder. A little more vocal too. ‘’I would like a piece too.’’ You declare.

His lips slowly press together in a disapproving way. It tells you all you need to know. Your shoulders hang, the sting of rejection cuts deep. ‘’That cake is for my men.’’ Aemond says and his voice tells you enough.

You notice there is some disgust and perhaps even jealousy there. Quickly you turn your eyes away from other men as Aemond's brows become threatened, worried, jealous.

You don't know why he thinks you'd be even interested in anyone at this moment. Your heart is being tested. Because it bleeds in ways you never imagined.

Not for yourself.

Not even for your own family and friends.

Just for the innocent people that died at his hands. 

But you are a coward.

You are worried he might kill even more if you won't comply. So you do. Even if it hurts you and goes against your nature.

The cake looks tastier every passing moment. ‘’I am aware. I just thought...perhaps you can make them share?’’ You suggest your voice soft, trying to play him. ‘’I liked the cupcakes you arranged-’’

Despite his laugh and despite the chuckle, you see a dark dangerous glimmer in his good eye. He is warning you. ‘’Let them have their cake, little lamb. Be glad it's not you on that table that's being shared.’’ You understand what Aemond means.

You should be glad and grateful for his protection and his claim. This does not erase the pain of being his trophy but his claim makes sure that none of those so called ‘heroes’ bother you. 

His slender hands grab your hips before firmly sitting you down on his lap, his arms strangling your stomach, pushing you almost inside him. He brings his lips to your ear when his hands feel up your dress. You feel ashamed he does this in front of your friends and servants and try to stop him. He only grabs you tighter at that, enjoying this game. ‘’A lamb fights the dragon.’’ He murmurs, grinning madly. ‘’You can resist and fight all you like. Just don't cry when I put you in your place for your treason.’’ You recall his punishment. How you were whipped before after he stripped and bended you on the table.

How you almost came when he fucked you with his fingers. 

You must avoid that at all costs.

‘’My Prince. I meant no offense. It was a silly question.’’ You stutter, a little foolish, staring at your hands. Aemond sinks back in the chair that serves as his throne.

He stares a little too long at your nippels watching them harden under his icy touch. You hear his lips smack. ‘’It was. You'll learn soon to stop asking silly questions. I have little patience for stupid girls.’’ You are worried.

You are known to ask silly questions a lot. And worse, if you can't ask him things how will you know what to do? It is risking punishment by asking or by doing the wrong thing by accident.

To one of your servants he nods. You know her by the name of Darla. She is from the Crown lands and has been with your family for some time. She makes a small curtsy for the prince before bowing her head and addressing him. ‘’Your highness. Is there something I can do for you?’’ She asks terrified. You can tell by her trembling hands.

You bet she is worried Aemond might touch and claim her too.

Aemond grabs the goblet he drinks from and dryly turns it upside down, watching as a single drop of red wine splashes on the tiles below.

You watch, as it spreads in a familiar bloody color. However hard you try, your eyes are as clued to the spot. ‘’Get me more wine. And fetch me a piece of a cake. I am hungry.’’ You hear Aemond's voice far away and your breathing increases.

Moments pass yet it feels like years. Aemond is handed a piece of cake on a silver plate and his goblet is hastily filled with wine. He puts you back on his lap and your trance is broken as you once again find yourself on his lap.

Aemond cuts the cake in small pieces and you watch as he brings the pieces to his mouth, taking proper gentle bites. He is a prince after all. He can be so charming...

When he wants to be. And that is exactly what makes him so dangerous.

The prince eats the cake while your stomach rumbles.

‘’It's good.’’ He grins. You notice his eye shimmers with pure sadism at your hunger. Perhaps it's your pain that turns him on. Perhaps it's the power he has over you. One of the two, makes the prince lusty.

Aemond takes another bite and while you don't doubt it's delicious you doubt it's so good that he can moan. ‘’Mhm…’’ there it is again, that foreign strange sound. 

You stare at your hands, at a loss for words and actions. You doubt there is much you can do.

‘’Look at me when I eat.’’ The prince barks suddenly at you. You nod hastily and look at the prince while he eats the cake.

Your stomach roars a little louder causing him to chuckle. When he has finished the cake, you are hungry. Aemond holds the plate in front of you, careful to avoid losing crumbs. ‘’You may have the crumbs.’’ The way he speaks remembers you of your losses. You have lost your title and are nothing more than his pet now. 

You feel the heat rise to your cheeks again as you stare at the plate. Ashamed. You reach out to a big crumb of cake on the plate. You need to convince yourself to allow this. You are hungry. Who cares about you eating a crumb?

That is until Aemond grins and smacks your fingers the moment they touch the crumbs. You cry out, quickly removing your fingers hurt written in your eyes. He chuckles. ‘’I didn't say you could use your fingers. There is another body part of yours that I want you to become agile and mobile with.’’ You tilt your head in confusion. 

He stares at your lips. ‘’Your tongue. You will lick up all the crumbs. After that, you can clean my plate for me. And after that, we'll see.’’ You would have preferred silverware.

Aemond takes big gulps of his cup quickly emptying it for a second or a tirth time that night.

There is one reason why he wants you to become more agile. He wants you to use your tongue to pleasure him. You have no experience doing such a thing but take his advice. Any practice that might save you discomfort and pain is welcome.

And you know better than to keep him waiting. You lower your head and as a pig, you start to collect and lick his crumbs off the plate. Aemond groans in pleasure when you softly gasp as he touches your back.

He grabs hold of your hair, dragging you closer. And then, he tilts it slightly so he may reach your lips. And before you can push him away he softly kisses your neck, sucking deeply, harshly marking you by biting down the sensitive skin as you whimper at his mercy.

Aemonds breath quickens alone at that sound and your eyes search for help among the crowd of drinking spectators and soldiers. Not one soul comes to your aid.

No servant or soldier.

No enemy or friend.

The worst part is, you see people judge you for his actions. Your stepmother is disgusted judging by the look in her eyes.  Her daughters look on as well yet you aren't sure if they would hate or pity you for what happens.

You are too afraid to look at Diandra. You know she'd be furious, letting yourself be touched by the animal that is Aemond Targaryen.

And your father?

You can't look at him either.

You lower your eyes. He leans in closer before wiping your lips clean and the corners of your mouth. ‘’Good little pet. I hope you enjoyed your cake.’’

A response is wise, you know that.

‘’It was delicious, my prince. Although I would have preferred a bigger portion.’’ It does not matter what you intended to say, he takes it as an insult.

The prince glares at you, forcing his nails into your skin to punish you so no one can see. ‘’Do not make me punish you, little ungrateful thing. Not the way I had you punished this very afternoon. You finally stopped bleeding. Do not make me rip open your pretty skin again.’’ He laughs at the end of his sentence, and you close your eyes, reliving his punishment.

You don't want that. You scold yourself and tell yourself to be quiet unless spoken to for now on.

A familiar face walks up to you and Aemond. It's the Dornish commander Diandra tried to kill. ‘’Prince Aemond. A word?’’ His voice is gentle and kind yet strict. 

You know Aemond does not want you around for this conversation.  ‘’You can speak freely within her presence. I will break her will fully tonight.’’ There is only so much you can bear.

New tears fall as you take a shaky breath. ‘’I shall wait for you, my prince.’’ You announce when freeing yourself from his grip and his lap.

A rough smack on your behind causes you to yelp out loud and for the prince to iron his grip. He whispers in your ear. ‘’You don't decide when you leave, little pet. Not anymore. I want you here. I want you to warm my lap. I want to count your tears and hear you whimper.’’

You try to find comfort. He relaxes, letting you be more free on his lap. ‘’That's better. Apologize to the commander for wasting his time and my own.’’ He tells you with a tug at a fistful of your hair.

You cry out, quickly blurting an apology. ‘’I am so sorry.’’ You say.

Aemond and the Dornish commander ignore you both, making you feel even more worthless. ‘’What did you want?’’ Aemond asks. He does not sound annoyed. Just curious.

The Dornish commander folds his hands in front of him, barely glancing at you when you softly sniffle at Aemond's lap.

The hands of the prince run down your knees, touching you when listening patiently to the words of the commander. ‘’We found an orphanage. We found traitors and rebels among the children, hiding behind a wardrobe.’’

Despite it being his duty you can tell he does not want to tell Aemond this. The prince's head goes up and down in understanding as he becomes very quiet.

‘’How many traitors and how many orphans are we speaking of?’’ Your blood becomes cold as you recall the faces of many innocent children who already endured the seven hells themselves. You know the orphanage. Your father was the patron.

You don't know how many traitors there are. Or how many children call it their home. But you know that every child that dies is one too many. ‘’Around 50 traitors and twice as many orphans. Children from all ages.’’

You need to help them. And you know how. Aemond is not a stupid man. His worst fear is likely running out of supplies. So if you offer to handle that, the reason to spare the children grows. ‘’Perhaps we can do something for them? We can invite the children inside the castle. We will use the supplies of my house, my prince. You should not let this bother you.’’ You tell him.

Aemond only cocks his head at you. He leans back his fingers dancing on the armrests of the chair. ‘’You speak out of turn, little pet. Stand up.’’ You gulp.

Your own father watches as you stand up, together with his men and other people you have known all your life. They all watch as you tremble and cry, whimper and beg. Your begs go unanswered.

You feel the smack a few moments later, on your behind. And the hiss of his voice. ‘’Sit back down.’’ That is enough to make you obey.

The commander leaves at the point of disgust. You don't know what will happen to the children now and are worried for the smirk that grows on Aemond’s lips, becoming bigger every moment that passes by.

Aemond lifts your chin. ‘’I will deal with them accordingly. You don't decide a thing anymore. From the way you dress, to the way you will fall asleep.’’ He tells you coldly. ‘’And no one will care. You are a bastard. A dirty bastard. You have nothing. Why shouldn't I take you? Hm? Who possibly could defend you? No one. You're all mine.’’ He growls.  ‘’I killed your brother, your father is in chains and no one,’’ Your gaze drops for a mere moment, intimidated and hurt by his words. So he punishes you by pinching your skin until you gasp.  ‘’No one will save you from me.’’ To prove his point, he leans in a little closer before locking eyes with you and licking your cheek.

You whimper.

You notice a familiar face in the crowd subtly approaching. He pretends to fill cups and to collect plates of drinking officers and soldiers alike. But you see the hatred in his eyes burning like a wildfire.

He is a soldier, a guard your father trusted. You know him by the name of Daros. He has always been very protective of your family and you can imagine he is up to no good.

It would be satisfying watching Daros kill Aemond. Until his soldiers kill Daros in return. You can count. You have done the math. Daros can not outwit and outrun the soldiers that Aemond has.

You worry your face might betray what you know about Daros and quickly stare at your hands as Aemond puts you a little firmer on his lap, rubbing your naked arms and wiping away some remaining salvia on your cheeks. 

Aemond stares you down and nods to his cup that is standing close by on a table. You stand up for him and reach for the cup, handing it faithfully to him with your head lowered. He chuckles at your display of submission and fear, enjoying every little moment of it. ‘’Pet, you should be careful with your body. It is a weapon you don't know how to wield yet.’’  You don't know what he means yet you nod.

He inspects the cup, holding it upside down. ‘’Pet, the cup is empty.’’ He tells you. Panicked, you glance around for a pitcher or a servant. And your eyes light up when you look at your home. Perhaps, perhaps he lets you go and you can fill a pitcher inside and run far far away.

The servant girl that helped earlier has wisely fled and you doubt she's coming back. You hope she escaped.

‘’I shall fetch a pitcher-’’ Before you set a foot his guards are alarmed and he has grabbed you by your hair, painfully dragging you back to him, forcing you on your knees like a disobedient dog.

You stare at his boots, the same boots you were forced to kiss earlier and can't help but tear up, gulping. Aemond still holds your hair as a leash. You hear him chuckle as he tugs, wrapping your hair around his hand, causing it to tangle painfully.

He makes a disapproving little sound. ‘’No, little pet. No breaks for you. You'll stay. You'll stay right here and warm my lap for me. You have plenty of pretty useless kitchen sluts who can fetch me wine.’’ They are no sluts. They are women. You doubt he knows the difference. 

Dramatically, Aemond sits down and forces you back on his lap. Daros has approached silently and is busy with attending the soldiers closest to Aemond now. His own personal guard.

Your breath quickens and you pray to the gods that Aemond does not notice. That he can't read you that well. Because if he does it might fail. And Daros could die.

You must avoid looking at both at all costs. Aemond is luckily used to that so you avoid looking at him. But he is no idiot. ‘’So tense, my little pet. Are you worried about tonight?’’ He whispers, kissing your earshell as you shudder on his knee. ‘’I have been picturing you on your back since I met you. You, the sheep being conquered by the dragon.’’

Images are formed in your head as Aemond keeps kissing you, images of you wearing nothing with him atop of you.

You squirm until you feel something move over your wet sex. The prince moves his leg, stimulating you with a sly grin on his lips. You endure it, shocked at the nerve of him to do this in front of everyone...

And shocked that you like it.

You don't want to like it however. You should hate everything this man does with you. Aemond grins as he repeats the process, lazily fucking you on his thigh. ‘’If you do your best, I might keep you alive.’’ He murmurs, as your pleasure is building.

You are speechless and light in your head, overwhelmed by many emotions. ‘’I will do my best.’’ And that's all you can do. That is the worst part of it all. You can do your best and be the best pet there is, and he'd still kill you. Part of you knows it. Part of you has always known it.

The prince seems pleased as you softly press your lips together to avoid a whimper as he fucks a little rougher. ‘’I hope your best is good enough, then.’’ You hesitantly touch his leg, feeling the warmth of his body.

You want to ride him back.

You want to touch him back.

Not to reward him. But to dull your own pain with pleasure.

You have experience with touching yourself but that does not even come close to the hype and excitement it gives your body when someone else touches you.

You roll your hips to his leg, lost in the moment...Until he sharply stops you and you are left with nothing. ‘’No. You had enough.’’ He decides, suddenly with a twisted grin on his lips. You can't help but glare at him. He chuckles amused. ‘’Pleasure is something you have to earn, little pet. I won't make you come out of the goodness of my heart. If you want to come and be a good girl and soak my cock, fingers or whatever else I may fuck you with, you best behave.’’

At that point, Daros comes over and fakes a subtle bow. ‘’My prince.’’ He begins. ‘’I have orders from Ser Criston Cole to escort you to the traitors.’’ He says. One look into his eyes and you can tell he is lying.

Aemond simply leans back in the chair, rubbing your wet needy sex lazily. ‘’Can't you see I'm busy, you-’’ His eye widens as he realizes something. ‘’Didn't I see you on the battlefield?’’

You freeze unintended. The rubbing stops. You wish him to continue it. You subtly try to grab his fingers but he only needs to glare at you to make you behave.

Daros first reaction is stupid as well. It's the worst thing he could have said. ‘’I- You're mistaken.’’ A clear lie.

Aemond huffs at that stupid little lie and you worry for Daros’s life. ‘’Am I? I do miss one eye, that is true. Perhaps that is why my other eye tries very hard to capture as many details as possible. Like you, standing on the tower of the wall as a coward when I sliced her brother up.’’ You recall that moment all too well.

The shameful color that spreads on Daros cheeks proves that Aemond is right. ‘’Let her go. She is innocent.’’ He protests softly. 

You aren’t sure why he cares about you in general.

Aemond laughs, a haunting hollow sound. ‘’Not for long, I promise you.’’ You know what he means. He means to take away your innocence.

That is taking it too far by Daros standards. He has never been one to deal with injustice in the right healthy way. Anger gets the better of him, risking both of your lives.  ‘’You fucking bastard! You think you're entitled to everything. Our people, our food, our lady. What did she do to you? What did she do?’’ He demands an answer.

Instead of giving one, Aemond pushes you on the ground by his feet.  ‘’Kneel.’’ He barks at you as his guards restrain Daros. You obey.

‘’Deeper.’’.

You go deeper; hurting your kneecaps on the cold stone tiles.

‘’Kiss my boots.’’ You nod, a single tear rolls down your cheeks as you obey his command leaving two kisses on his boots. He grins. 

‘’Please spare him.’’ You beg. ‘’He's part of the household, he can't die.’’ You hope he will have mercy.

Until you see that Aemond has stopped smirking and glares at Daros jealousy clearly written across his face. ‘’Do you love him pet?’’ He spits out. 

You gawk, unsure where this is coming from. You don’t understand why Aemond would care, nor why it is brought up. You look at Daros and see something unfamiliar in his eyes. A gentle spark of hope that can enlight in a fire of bravery any moment with the right words. A fire that will kill you both.

He is in love with you.

But you are not in love with him.

You are worried Aemond would kill him.

So you admit to the truth, no matter how heartless it makes you seem. ‘’No, my Prince. I desire no man but you.’’

He is relieved at that although he won't admit it ever. ‘’But you do love her, hm? That is why you really interfered. You wish her ass was on your lap, hm?’’ He grins at Davos. ‘’I can have her do the most delicious things to herself and me. Things you likely dreamt of for years.’’ 

‘’So what if I do? It won't change things.’’ ‘’I knew she was forbidden fruit. She should not be punished for my crimes. I am the one who tried to lure you-’’

Aemond interrupts him by punching him in the gut, burying his fist deeply, so deeply you worry for Daros spitting out the lunch he had. You gasp shocked at this brutal display. Daros is thrown on his knee and Aemond changes the assault to kicking his face, stomach and other parts of his body. Daros only response is a sickening little whimper and a heartbreaking grunt.

You are grabbed too by another guard, held when Aemond makes his way to the masses of people that have gathered here today. You hope it will be peaceful. He has what he wants. He should show mercy.

But you know this man too well by now.

Your father is brought forward in chains. Your stepmother is treated respectfully as are her daughters. They remain dressed and well. Unlike you who is touched by prince Aemond a lot. But he too has not yet removed your gown.

Your father barely looks at you when he is marched forward by Aemonds guards. You feel horrible as Aemond grabs you as his prized trophy and puts you by his side presenting you smirking to your father. ‘’You made a lovely girl. I will make good use of her when we warm your bed.’’ Your stomach turns at the little possessive squeeze he gives your behind.

His men laugh, you don't know why. It is not funny. ‘’You are a despicable disgusting man, Aemond of house Targaryen.’’ Your father answers, his eyes never leaving Aemond’s. ‘’Killing a man by stabbing him in the back, and taking a woman as your spoils of war. You have no shame nor honor in that body of yours.’’

Aemond is insulted. ‘’This is war in case you failed to notice. You choose the wrong side.’’ It can't be that simple. It never is that simple. War is like a coin. It has multiple sides.

Your father spits at his feet and Aemond barely avoids it. ‘’So behead me for it and be done with it.’’ He growls out, done with playing Aemonds games.

Aemond is shocked.

He seems taken back, and embarrassed. But that changes quickly into anger and fury. Instead of hitting your father, he grabs you. You already wail before he has laid a finger on you. ‘’Pet. I have a fun little task for you.’’ He mutters in your ear as you shake.

You know what he wants.

‘’Please grant me the privilege of a bedroom if you must-’’ your stutters are interrupted.

He chuckles amused that your mind went there. ‘’Sh, filthy minded pet. We shall do nothing of the sort here. I have something else in mind than fucking that little warm wet cunny of yours.’’

Your father is forced to kneel. He is to be executed. ‘’Please, good people. Consider bending the knee to this tyrant. If you don't, He will likely kill you all. We must pray to the gods that justice can be found one day. And to the women in this town, I regret that I failed you.’’ 

Aemond waits for more words but none come. So he folds his hands on his back and gives his men the order. ‘’Surround her well.’’

You understand that's you. You turn and watch as the guards form a circle around Aemond and your father and you. You hear the sound of steel being pulled and Aemond presents you with the same sword you were forced to lick. The sword that killed your brother. 

And…

He hands it to you.

Your first impulse is to run him through. But he wears armor. He has guards around him and it would accomplish nothing. Vhagar looms from the opposite side of the square, and you know if she were to see Aemond die, she would roast everyone in this town alive.

So what does he want you to do? Is this meant as a cruel test?

Another thought makes itself into your head. A thought so dark and cruel that you gasp audibly. ‘’What am I to do with this?’’ You ask your voice soft.

He only smirks, confirming your worst fears.

You stare at your father, still on his knees. You hear the sound of something clattering against the floor and understand you must have dropped the sword by accident. He can't mean that.

To kill your own father...

He can't be that cruel....

Can he?

Your hand is forced open and a sword is pushed back in. Aemond's sword. ‘’I want you to make  that little disgusting piggy that sits at our feed scream.’’ He whispers. ‘’I want your hands and gown bloodied.’’ He adds rasping with clear arousal.

‘’I-I can't.’’ You protest straight away. ‘’I'd be a Kinslayer. I'd be cursed! And furthermore...I am a lady. And do you want your enemies to hear that you had me execute him rather than yourself?’’ All lies you don't care for. All lies to hopefully distract him. You don’t want your father to die. You already lost so much today.

Aemond sighs, disappointed you don’t like his idea.

‘’You have the choice. You can kill him, or I will kill all of these people gathered here.’’ He can't mean that. You have to hope for your faith in humankind that he can't be that cruel. 

But you saw it before at the gates.

He is truly that cruel. He didn't stop the battle when he could. He didn't play fair when he could. He did not show mercy. He showed fire. And he showed blood.

You understand you have a choice. Save your father, or save the town. Your father speaks up, his voice touched by emotions. He knows what you will pick. And funny, so did you. You knew the moment you were presented the choice, there was no real choice. Not really. Not when your father has spent his life protecting Dolkburg.  ‘’Y/N.’’ Your father mutters.

So you must kill him. No matter how much it will hurt your soul. No matter that you become a orphan. ‘’Daddy I am so sorry.’’ New tears roll down your cheeks. 

He shakes his head firmly, but yet he cries nonetheless. Every tear is a blow to your heart. ‘’Don't be. Do what you must child. No one will blame you for this. Do what you must to survive. To make the people of Dolkburg survive.’’

You can only nod. Speaking hurts. Thinking hurts. Living hurts.

‘’I think we will meet again soon, child.’’ When Aemond tires of you. Or when you maybe get pregnant. That is when he will get rid of you.

You turn to face Aemond, sobbing. He gleefully grins, looking back and forth between your father and you. ‘’Well, pet? Have you made your choice?’’ Where is the fair choice? Where is the good choice?

‘’Yes.’’ You nod but you can't stop your hands from shaking. You place the blade on your father’s neck, the way you saw him do with many criminals that dared to oppose him. And now he is executed on the orders of the worst criminal of all. A war criminal.

You want to execute him, in a clean manner. But Aemond coughs sharply, startling you. ‘’Ah, no. I don’t want a quick clean execution. You will hit his pressure points and make him bleed out.’’ A horrible slow and torturous death.

You never heard of ‘pressure points’. Aside from feeling grief stricken you also now feel dumb.‘’How shall I kill him?’’ You ask Aemond as you take in your father's closed eyes and his peaceful almost corpse-like appearance.  As if he has already departed this world.

Aemond’s fingers point to the wrists, the neck, the heart, and the gut area. ‘’Just do what feels right, little pet. He is your canvas, the sword is your brush. His blood is your paint. Make me a masterpiece.’’

At his command, you start by the throat and drive the sword all the way in, causing the flesh to part as a whale opening its mouth.Blood streams out of your fathers throat and there is a small comfort that he dies fast.

Your father drowns in his own blood in front of you spitting and swallowing it as you fall to your own knees, your hands covered in blood. Aemond laughs. ‘’You are all dismissed. Have some fun. Get drunk. As long as you are in the right state tomorrow.’’ He tells his guards. They take off running into the village, likely looking for any innocent bystander to grab.

Eventually, you watch as your servant girls are bothered by the soldiers, first gently but when they dont respond they are hit, bruised, and dragged off inside. You quickly turn to Aemond horrified as he ignores what his men do. ‘’No! No! make them stop.’’

He does not move a muscle.

‘’No, I won't. They deserve a nice reward. What's a better reward than a woman?’’ He asks. You are insulted that he thinks they deserve anything and especially a woman. A woman is not a reward.

‘’They are not their rewards. They are  good. Stop this. Please…’’ You see Aemond only turn his head away from the scene, careless.

Finally, he too snaps. ‘’I won't give you what you want. You are my pet, I decide for you. You can whine and beg and cry all you like but in the end I am the prince and you the dirty bastard.’’

‘’Be thankful I will fuck you tonight. If I had not, you'd be just like them. Tell me pet, do you prefer me or them in your innocent little untouched cunny?’’ When you remain silent he squeezes you to make you talk.

You look at his boots.

‘’You.’’ You confess softly in tears. You would prefer one man over six any day. Prince Aemond is cruel but he is a prince. You hope he has some consideration and decorum for your statue as maiden.

He laughs pleased.

‘’Such a good girl when needs be. Yes. You would hm? What scares you most?’’

There is no point in lying about it. ‘’The pain.’’ Yet you do so anyway. 

‘’No. Pain does not scare you. You would not enjoy defying me the way that you do if it did.’’ He is too observant.

You sigh. ‘’That I'll...like it. That I'll enjoy what you'll do to me.’’

‘’Having a woman in my bed is one thing, little pet. But I live to bend and shape her into submission. I want my women deranged and hungry for me. I want them to be mindless little objects for me to fuck my seed out on. Do you understand?’’ Seven gods..

‘’What you describe is so horrible. Don't you want for your women to ..to touch and love you back? Is that not the point of sharing one's bed? To feel loved?’’

‘’Spoken like a true maiden. You'll say different things once you experienced what it is like to have a man inside of you.’’

Aemond’s attention turns to Daros who is still held by one of the guards that Aemond did not dismiss yet. ‘’So. You dreamt of touching what belongs to me, hm? Even tried to kill me too.’’ He says.

Daros spits as a answer. 

Aemond punches him on his nose, likely breaking it by the sound and look of it. Daros hisses in pain. You watch as Aemond turns around to you. ‘’Pet. I think it is time you and me have some fun.’’ You can’t help but be aroused by his words. You hate it.

His glare hardens as he looks back at Davos, grinning when blood drips from his nose. ‘’And this little traitor, this little shit. He will watch me do what he wanted to do to you for years.’’

----

a/n: hes so mean and for what he already won. Oh well.

[yandere-sins]

Heyo! Can you please answer Q6, Q4, Q2, & Q16. Also have a peaceful and lovely day/night<3

[Writer asks here]

Thanks so much for asking ♥ I am surprised so many of you were curious!!

»»———————— ♡ ————————««   

#2 Do you listen to music when you write? What does your current writing playlist look like?

I actually do! And very specific ones, I have a few selected youtube videos which are either lo-fi hip hop or writing/studying music and just run on repeat. I'll link some of my favorites to give you an idea!

1 | 2 | 3

Most important is no lyric (especially not if I can understand it, but I usually also don't like the songs that are have people humming or singing to the songs and will skip these), upbeat but I keep the volume low so it really is just a background music (but that means like classical music doesn't really hit the itch), and preferable with ambiance sounds like rain or waves or so.

Sometimes music can be almost too much, so I use mynoise.net for either the Irish Waves or the white noise, depending on what suits me that day. It's my personal recommendation for anyone wanting background noises.

Lastly, yes, I am very jealous of artists who can do their art while watching movies or the like. But I can't even have someone talk to me while I write so that is just the biggest no-go lol

#6 When (and not if) you ultimately finish your WIP and publish, do you picture yourself giving readings and signings and interviews, or would you prefer to stay out of the public eye? 

Hm, complicated. I am not a super private person and I love talking with people (I am an introvert but my family and my job raised my tolerance lol) so I'd probably do well if I wanted to do events. But, if I ever get to finish my book, I'd go for self-publishing so the chances that I'd ever have a signing or reading is just super low because pulling it off on my own just seems... harder. Not impossible but harder. I don't think the genres I want to go into could be picked up by traditional publishing, so it would be a lot of work, and I don't know if I have enough dedication to see it through. Passion, yes, time and resources, no.

However, I think if I did have a book, I might start tableing at my conventions! I see a lot of authors there and that might lean towards my target audience more!

I think I'd still like to sign books though, maybe have a special sale and then sign them and send them to people or something. That would be cool. It was nice to write a special note to everyone who got my Yantober book, so I know I'd really like to do that!

#16 CHALLENGE: Tell us about your current project in three sentences or less. 

Oooh, hmmmm, let's see. It's something all of you guys chose in a poll a while ago, so how do I tease it without revealing too much hmmmm...

It's an isekai story and inspired by an existing manga (manhwa?). The concept is similar but I haven't read the original, I am just turning the core idea around and making it properly yandere (although the idea has been done in different versions a lot). The main character/reader misjudges the effects it'll have to just level up one certain stat and it comes back to bite them in the form of a typical noble getting overly obsessed.

Hope that keeps everyone guessing lol! :D

[bloodymarine]

Ok. My first ever public rant: "The Hunger Games is boringly written and Katniss Everdeen is a boring character." Here we go. Pls bare with me.

(Spoilers ahead!)

So I came across a comment under bookstagram post that said Katniss is a boring character and THG is boringly written. The person who claimed this also said they've read the 2 first books. And I cannot wrap my head around this way of thinking. I am not able to understand where that experience would come from. So here we are.

I might be biased since I love THG: I have all the books and movies in physical forms, I've got posters and even the Mockingjay pin. So, I am a fan.

But even non-fans have for years been emotionally moved by the story and have stated that Suzanne Collins did amazing job with how she did the world building and wrote all the characters. The story was (is) inspired by our real world - starting with the major war and resistance theme - and people keep telling how much the story resonates with them. And they keep saying that year after year.

Even the people who've thought it's not much of a great story at first have found their minds changed after reading the first book. People who have thought it's overrated have changed their minds. Why? Because they have found the way Suzanne describes the poor and the entitled rich people, the contrast between the two groups, brilliant and heavily touching with how she is so brutally honest with everything: the complete lack of empathy Capitol has for the people in the districts and how damn hard the lives of the latter are, with literally no other way out than death, doesn't matter how much they work or suffer. Capitalism is always top priority. And with that, the entertainment of the rich people. Nothing is sugar-coded.

I would dare to state that objectively THG is a really well written story with how it deep dives into the darkest places of human mind and how captimalism, money and entertainment rules the world. (Sounds familiar?) And the main character is realistically written too, given the circumstances she's been forced to live in: she doesn't really have much guidance or support since she doesn't really let anyone, even the few who care for her, know exactly how bad her family's living conditions are.

Katniss Everdeen's luxuries are cut so short that she almost dies from hypothermia and hunger while trying to search for food for her and her family. She lives constantly on eggshells, not knowing what tomorrow gives or takes, trying to simply stay alive while trying to keep her family alive. She's 16 when she volunteers for the games in her sister's place. She knows that she has no chance of surviving. How could she, when she's already struggling at home, not even knowing how to fight properly?

Yet with all that she's been put through and how she's never given any time to catch her breath, she's actually a warrior. She survives the games and comes back home, as a victor.

Boring. That's the word that was used to describe Katniss and the whole story.

I didn't make this rant with ill intentions, I don't want to drag anyone down simply because their experience differ from mine. I just wanted to get this out of my chest. I've never came across anyone making this statement so it brought some confused feelings in me. And I thought: I don't really have many people over here who could see this, so why not write a small rant.

Just in case a soul or two happens to find this, I would absolutely like to hear your thoughts about this! ˶╹ꇴ╹˶ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

[l-e-morgan-author]

Patience in Recovery

They said she was full of hope, all that time.

They said a lot of lies. I knew because I'd listened at the door, when they didn't know I was in the room at all. I'd overheard the doctors talking, and I knew what they said.

They weren't particularly happy with the way things were going. Nobody was quite sure if her voice would recover properly, because of how long she'd been breathing smoke. Mine recovered just fine, and I wasn't hurt as bad as Patience was.

It was irony, I guess, when you thought about it, that her name was Patience, because now we all had to wait to make sure she'd get better. The doctors had talked to her, and she wrote back answers (carefully, and with her right hand, because the left was still in plaster).

They told me she was brimming with hope, like the way my eyes had been when I woke up in hospital and they told me what had happened. She was ready and waiting to get better.

But I heard them discussing worriedly among themselves, how she was lying there and not actually wanting to get better, like it was too hard. Her body was battered, and seems her mind was, too.

I don't understand. She brightened up a lot when I first came in, and I thanked her for saving me, and she smiled, just a bit, and made a thumbs-up gesture. She was awfully white, and made the sheets look skin colour, and there were all sorts of bulky dressings everywhere, but she whispered, in her hoarse voice, that it was "worth it". I can still hear that if I think about it.

They said she'll walk again, all that sort of thing, but they're worried about the way her hand was damaged, and the amount of burns she got. They don't know if she'll be able to comfortably knit again.

Knitting is her safe thing, her biggest hobby; what would Patience do if she couldn't knit?

She told me she'd knit me a jumper when she was out of there, and that was as good as telling me she loved me, for Patience. Seems she warmed up to me at last.

I was trying not to complain; you know how it is, though, sometimes? When you're living in a house and someone else in the house doesn't like your existence. I guess it was pretty sudden, and Patience is a cagey old dear, but it doesn't feel nice.

Mum wasn't cheerful anymore, not how she used to be. Her expression was worn and like she hadn't slept in a week. I heard her crying one time after she and Dad met with the doctors. Then she and Dad got into an argument, the worst argument I've ever heard, and that's saying something. It was just words, but words are important. Some of the things they called each other weren't very nice, and I shan't reproduce them.

Grief can tear apart a family. I hope it doesn't ours. I hope Patience gets better soon, and all better, because otherwise I don't know what we'll do. She's important, though I'm sure she doesn't realise how important. She better get better quick. I pray for her every night, and I wouldn't like to tell her how much I cry about it. She wouldn't be in trouble if she hadn't saved me. Then again, they say I'd probably be dead.

I guess she figured I was worth saving. Guess I'd better buck up and be someone worth saving.

Get better soon, Patience, and I hope when you're better I can show you how much I care, in a less obnoxious way to how I did before. Rhona out.

&&&&&&&

Added this story to my page of free stories, found here. There's almost 6k of writing on here, all told, and I continue to add to them on a fairly regular basis.

[faceglitchsworld]

It's the 31st of October, happy Halloween everyone!

Hope you'll celebrate this day happily with your ghosts friends and you'll watch your favourite horror movie tonight.

But this is not the important stuff today.

Today it's Seunghyub Day! 🥳

Happy birthday! 🥳

Please, look at the collage I made for him 🥹

I can't believe this month I've ended two birthday letters series, I'm still shocked about it 😭

And it's kinda ironic that I'm ending my N.Flying birthday letters with HIM. The man himself, the leader, Seunghyub 😭

Oh boy, what a rollercoaster writing these letters has been. Honestly, I thought about the format too this time because I wanted to make a very very special letter to him BUT since he's doing well and he's not in the military (thank god) I'll just give you the classic format BUT I've made sure to make it very long this time.

Sorry, you'll read much more this time.

My relationship with Seunghyub is kinda complicated. If you've followed me for a while you already know that I've reblogged many, and I say MANY, Seunghyub posts: photos, GIFs, videos, I think Seunghyub is the N.Flying member with so many posts about it on my blog. He has even more posts than my actual N.Flying bias, it's kinda crazy. But despite this mass posting, Seunghyub still didn't take a place in my bias line.

But despite this, Seunghyub is still important to me. I've met my dearest moots thanks to him and I think I've learned a lot about him thanks to them too.

Like, I think I know all the freaking times he made something risky like making a shirtless photoshoot or that time he starred in a drama and...well, he went randomly shirtless and did some work out too. And every time he does something I consider risky I always make sure to tag my moots on it because he truly makes them cry and scream.

And not only these moments, mind you. There are the silly moments too. Like, I can't believe that this tall man had a boomer moment when he joined Fromm and he couldn't change his propic properly. Or when he went at 2idiots and he almost failed the game and went shirtless. Or when he didn't know how to wear a shirt the right way. This man is silly, very, very silly.

And of course all the silly moments are always connected to what is his second family to him, N.Flying as a whole. And N.Fias too. I think that these days he has been more active than ever (I mean knowing the period ofc he's much more active now). It's honestly good that he wants to spend much time with us and keeping us company while waiting for N.Flying coming back as a whole. Sure, that means more boyfie moments but the company, the company you all. That is more important right now.

And of course I should talk about his music side too. And confess that at first I didn't believe he had a deep talking voice. I believed he had his singing voice and not that one. But still, it's not the most important thing to notice. The important thing to notice is his song writing, both as Seunghyub and as J.DON. because I'll never believe that someone isn't capable of vibing with Clicker, like no, that song is a banger. But there's one song in particular that deserves the spotlight today.

There's one song in N.Flying that I don't listen to too much. Not because it's a bad song or something, but only because I get so emotional when I listen to it that I should listen to it only for some occasions. That song is Starlight.

I don't think this song needs any introduction. If you've followed N.Flying for more than five minutes, you probably already know the meaning behind it, the cute yet sad MV and how it wasn't one of the most played songs live until recently apparently. Maybe Seunghyub went through some emotional struggle and decided to make everyone, especially me, teary and emotional during these recent N.Flying concerts, who knows. Jokes apart, I sincerely think that this song is so powerful to me that you don't need to search the translation to understand its feelings. Heck, I barely remember the translation myself and I still cry when I hear the words.

All this introduction just for telling you that this song, apart for tearing me apart all the time that I hear it, helped me a lot this year. I don't want to enter too much in detail because that would completely ruin the letter's vibe and, well, this is a birthday letter after all, but, at the beginning of this year I lost an important person in my life. The night I received the news I was so devastated that I didn't want to cry about it in front of my parents. It happened only once in my life and I didn't want to do it. I wanted some time alone, you know?

So I went into my room, put on my earphones and searched for a song to listen to. And my mind went towards Starlight. I searched the song, pressed play and let the song ring in my ears. I cried a lot. I think I've put the song on loop a couple of times while I was letting out all the tears. I was tired after a while. But I wanted to listen to the song one last time. And the song turned from a catalyst to a comfort blanket.

Dear Seunghyub, I don't want to reduce your songwriting to just one song but I want to tell you that, thanks to your music, I made a good bunch of friends and I went well when I had some terrible moments during my life. You caught a young fan's heart and you'll keep doing it as time will pass.

That's why my birthday wish for you is that you'll be able to wrap up all the songs from your SoundCloud and that you'll give us the next J.Don comeback from those. The world needs more of your music, your creativity, more of you in general.

Since you already did your birthday live, I can only wish for you the best day ever today. Spend it brightly.

Happy birthday, Seunghyub ❤️

[matthewmoorwood]

On the last hundred pages of Ship Of Destiny FUCKING FUCK

I'm going so insane over how Kennit ALMOST became an average citizen and then he went fucking full nutter butters and now no one believes Althea was raped. FREE ME FROM THIS TORMENT RAAAAH

Same with Wintrow like I FUCKING THOUGHT for a moment that these male characters might not be utter shitheads but noooooooooo RAAAAH. Despising everything about Wintrow wanting to suck on his faux step mums tits and be an alpha male cause of his horrific inability to have an identity outside of parental figures. DAYUM.

I don't think I'll ever really get over Paragon either. the Paragon & Amber dynamic is something very precious to me.

Not a single of of Robin Hobbs characters are ever what I think they are, or even who they think they are. Yet they all act perfectly in line with their characters and what we know of them. Freaking out.

If I'm reading a Robin Hobb book and a male pov doesn't make me physically nauseous, am I even reading a Robin Hobb book? No.

Thinking about Malta, thinking about the Malta and Vivacia/Bolt parallels, thinking about how both of them are forced to give up their souls for men so that they might have a chance at freedom because the alternative is to die by those same men's brutality. Oh I am ILL

"There were, she suddenly saw, many ways to be raped." Oh I am ILL

The way Wintrow only sees Malta as her place as a Bingtown Trader and as a woman as a 'good negotiator' and sees nothing of the fucking eons of abuse she's endured. FOUL.

They're all trauma dumping to each other in the hold as Jamilla ships fuck around these guys.

I hate everyone who sees that they have power and wrangles it just for pleasure of causing harm and gaining a scrap more control at the cost of someone else's existence.

Plz i'm going to shit out my lungs. Malta who has endured so fucking much, is so terrified of having Reyn see her because he is her last hope to be loved by someone outside of the vesrit family. She's already been hurt so badly by men and had for years valued herself entirely on her usefulness as a 'pretty woman' and now here she is. Her very survival has devalued her own perception of herself to the one person she thinks can truly understand her.

Begging on hands and knees that Kennit doesn't keep the cycle of abuse going. PLEASE allow someone some peace from him.

Both Reyn and Malta have put so much weight on how they look. And both are terrified that the other will put even a quarter of that same weight on them. I'm not okaaaay about this. plz.

Alrighty I just want a dragon to come and fuck shit up. Serpent, liveship, whatever form just need some unbridled rage bc I am FEELING shrimp emotions.

Hmmm... The ghosts of Kennits past coming to kill him... Hmmm... The fact that trying to repress those memories is what caused all of this... hmm... All the people he tried to bury in order to allow his own ignorance coming together to exist in their own narrative... I am thinking.....

Hold on im losing it. Hold on im going insane. Malta kissing Reyn properly and he wakes up?? true loves kiss type shit because in the end Malta and Reyn are still a fairytale despite the shit they've been through.

"If you'll have me as I am." SHUT UP RIGHT NOW

Fucking fuck. Althea being scared to talk to Brashen about her rape because in the end he is still a man and Althea knows that on some level Brashen will always view her as a possession.

Y'know what. Kennit being killed (hopefully permanently) by someone who does not give a single Fuck about him is so good. His whole life he wanted to be something other than what he was, be respected and recognized and yet he dies at the hand of someone who thinks of him as nothing other than a shitty pirate.

Ugh. He's not dead.

Oh man. Oh dude. Paragon. Fucking fuck. ing fuck. ouch.

I am hurtinedg :C

Robin Hobb why

I actually swear to God if Kennit is still able to torment Paragon via the memories thing I'm gonna scream.

OH IM SICK.

Vivacia who is not vivacia letting go of Althea despite everything. Aughr fuck. How this means that both of them are going to begin to have their own sense of self outside of their co-dependence. awrg,

Oh for fucks sake. If Kennit in Paragon is still trying to touch Althea I'm going to bite through my desk.

Althea oh my darling. She doesn't want to hurt Kennits mum over her own anger at how Kennit abused her. I am ill.

"Neither woman could escape what he had done to them" Oh I am sick.

"We've got to survive this, I've a life to live." SOBBING

Oh thank god Kyle is dead now too. YIPPEE

I have too many feelings I fear I must throw up to process them properly.

Either that or have some cheese.

My brain is too mushy for these negotiations I'm just gonna trust that things work out (they won't)

JEK queen go get laid I respect it.

Amber, my sweet Lady Amber :C

Raise your hand if you too are tired of the Althea/Brashen miscommunication GUYS I KNOW YOU'RE STRAIGHT BUT PLEASE JUST FUCKING TALK TO EACH OTHER

Awug Serilla.

I am feeling things.

Amber plz. my soul cannot take you refrencing fitz any longer

Oh lol Paragon showing them where evil mc fuckface left all his sick pirate loot.

Oh my fucking god I hate this got dam book fucking fuck,

:C

Amber I really hope you get your happy ending. Or a least a happy moment before the ending.

OH MY FUCKING GOD

Paragon.

Althea.

I am a broken husk of a person.

No one speak to me until I have drunk this hot choccy.

[kitausuret]

harryflash

Hehe.. hehehe.... If you guys thought I shipped parksborn, you ain't seen nothin' yet. This is a ship involving Flash Thompson. So yeah, I ship it. You know I ship it. You KNOOOOOOW.

(Webspinners #3... "Flashster".)

What made you ship it?

Honestly, it was an old fic by @amaronith that had literally like, one mention of HarryFlash, but that's all I needed. Ama is one of my most trusted Spidey writers, and while it wasn't for years more than I would start shipping them in earnest, she kind of planted the seed.

Hilariously, similar to my thoughts on Parksborn, it was an early issue of ASM that made me really love the idea of them - Flash throwing himself (stupidly) at Kraven to try and protect Harry is just so funny and endearing. I love him. He's DUMB.

(Amazing Spider-Man #47, Lee & Romita... you guys have no idea how much I want to own this issue.)

I think also though I'm really intrigued by the idea of HarryFlash because Harry is soooooo different from literally everyone else I ship Flash with. BUT. The more and more I read, the more I'm just like "well I guess Harry is just the exception because he's just that special and amazing and lovable".

What are your favorite things about the ship?

I'm not gonna lie - there's a lot of hints throughout the text about Harry having had a crush on Flash in early college and maybe even high school. And I think it's adorable.

(Amazing Spider-Man (2015) #13.. thanks, @hellomystraightlacedfriend ! Hilariously, this is both a Parksborn and a HarryFlash moment. I really couldn't lose with this stupid joke.)

There's also THIS silly moment from Untold Tales #4 which is like... Harry. Mr. Osborn. How would YOU be able recognize at a glance a football star from another school. Boy you are not that into sports. Are you on Flash's MySpace. Are you?

Anyways I know that's a stretch but I just think it would be funny.

Flash being weirdly jealous of Peter is also like. A LOT. (Panels below from Spider-Man Blue.)

And of course there's the GOOD stuff like the roommates era!!! I love Harry and Flash roommates.

They're so funny and Flash was trying so hard to be supportive... right before Liz snatched Harry up lmaoooo

(that's okay, I low-key ship Harry/Liz/Flash. Maybe not so low-key. You guys know me, I don't ship anything halfway. I mean... the "Flash is their third" vibes are STRONG here:

Okay I am getting carried away with these panels and too lazy to properly label all the issues they come from SO. Overall I just think they're really cute and they have so much history, and such a long, long, LONG friendship. And Flash clearly adores Harry. There's nothing Flash wouldn't do for him.

Even when he's at death's door, Flash is there to save his friend. If that's not love, what is? (ASM #800 below)

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I don't think this ship is popular enough for any of my opinions to be unpopular. I'm sure there are plenty of people who don't understand where this ship is even coming from, because it's not hardly hinted at in almost any adaptation. But like all my ships, I would never want to see HarryFlash exist in a vacuum. I still would want all their other canon relationships to have happened, particularly for Harry, because his family is really important to me. Similar to how I feel about Parksborn, the journey of their relationship is critical in my eyes.

I also have not one but two Flash/Venom Symbiote/Harry WIPs right now so.. like.. LOL. I'm pretty sure that's not popular at all. Fortunately, I don't care that much what people think about my ships.

"Why Harry?" There was no malice or exasperation in the symbiote's question; just genuine curiosity. It rarely, if ever, objected to Flash's choice of partners, and certainly had access to the full array of his memories about them. But sometimes it did seek clarification, and Flash was happy to provide.  "What do you mean?" he asked aloud as he carefully dusted a shelf. On it sat a small, nondescript box, a Spider-Man lapel pin, and a couple framed photos. "Why did I ask Harry out on a date?"  "He is… very different from your usual choice of partners." "So are you, pal."

Flash is very silly. 💖

[xfindingtrouble]

what’s a devil to do - harley poe || @antithcsis for percy

okay so just to be clear, i have this song on his playlist referring to the years prior to percy joining vox machina. i know the information we have about what he’s doing is pretty limited. we know he’s seeking revenge, tracking down anna ripley to the best of his ability & tearing through aything & anyone who gets in his way. i think during this time orthax has a lot of influence over him because it is the first time he’s had to grapple with such extreme rage & it’s like the Perfect Opportunity for a demon to encourage evil to be inflicted into this world. 

though percy grapples with the morality of it all a lot & fights himself on it, he also views morality as relative to the situation. he doesn’t know that the demon orthax is influence him, enouraging & tending to the darkness percy had already began to grow. but what is most terrifying to him is that he kind of likes it. he kind of likes the power in the palm of his hand, the scent of gunpowder & gore. it’s the most power he’s had since his family was killed & it’s the power he’s going to use to avenge them. so of course he gets tunnel vision. he starts hand feeding the darkest parts of himself. 

vox machina quite literally saves percy from himself. he’s still stubborn & makes hasty decisions but they encourage the good that’s always been in him. even when they’re being a bunch of assholes, they make him want to be better. even if he won’t admit this.... but that’s a different conversation entirely. i’m gonna dig into a few specific lines

I was born from an angel, she raised me properly I knew what I wasn't to do, I knew what I wasn't to see But when you reach a certain age, your destiny it comes to life So don't you bite the hand that feeds you, or it may cut you with its knife

percy was raised to be a kind kid. it was' always a super loving environment but his parents raised him to be good as they could. he was given the opportunity to thrive & grow on his own terms. he began inventing because he wanted to make life better for those around him, to help advance the technology in whitestone to the best of his ability. he knew that as a de rolo it was his responsibility to be good to his people the best way you know how to. there was always the scratch that he could use his brain for something ore devastating, but it was never his intention to use his brain to put weapons into this world. to make it more violent.

but when he got older & the briarwoods betrayed his family???? his destiny became more clear. he knew if he ever escaped he would reject those expectations of kindness. the people who taught him to serve his fellow man were dead, rotting in shallow graves if they were even alotted that decency. where percy could have become an asset to the briarwoods if they hadn’t killed his family & tortured he & his sister, instead they forge the only two people that can take them down. percy has a line in the show that is like  ‘ i am what they made me ‘ while lamenting about the cruelty it takes to exact his vengance. they tortured the kindness right out of him via meathook & co 

It permeates all through my bones I let it live, I help it grow I said my cup it runeth over, well I'm gonna let it flow So I shot a man in Indy, just to watch him die

of course as orthax gains more influence over percy, his cruelty grows. what was once a nescessity is almost sport. not saying that he is hunting people for sport but there is such control in taking a man’s life that in the moment, on occasion, he almost likes it. of course this is a sentiment he beats himself up about because he wants to make better decisions. he wants to value life. but it’s hard when you have a ps5 in your brain telling you to kill all your friends. 

the cruelty is so deeply a part of him at one point that he thinks it will always be so. so he doesn’t always fight it? not until he understands that it’s not just him. he is not the only one making these decisions. when he understands that orthax is a demon it’s the first time he considers that he can be an ok person, which is the first step to embracing good. 

There was a time when I could see My hopes and dreams, they are no more I'm not a rich man, but blessed are the poor Oh man, forgive me, I turned away I won't come back, so I'll have to pay

ahhhh yes. here is that theme i love about losing the future someone thought they were going to have & being unable to visualize a future without those hopes. he spent his whole life thinking about who he would be, who he could help, where he would fit into his family & then it’s all gone one day. his new future only goes as far as bloodshed & he has no idea what happens next. he thinks he’s the last de rolo for a long time but he is unwilling to rule. cruelty wouldn’t suit his people well & he’d already proven himself to be so. of course this perception shifts when he finds out he has a sister [ cassandra ] who survived... but until cassandra, the only plans he had were to kill. regardless of the price. but cassandra being alive changes everything, it makes him want to not only survive but live as well. but tht doesn’t change the fact that he was stuck there for soooo long. 

also the allusion to him not being rich anymore. i am constantly thinking about how he went from having endless privledge, the finest things, so much opportunity to sleeping barefoot on the icy streets because he had nowhere else to go when he escaped from the briarwoods. but there is also useful anonymity in being poor, being someone people don’t look at. blessed are the poor bcs no one is going to notice the blood spatter up their arm when fleeing a murder scene u know ??? 

I wasn't made to be their robot And I ain't nobody's foolI am the goat that got away But I know there will come a day When I'll be punished for my mind 'Cause I led myself astray I am a work of art, I know I was created down below

ahhhhh yes. yes yes yes. though the briarwoods made him he is unwilling to be used by them. he is unwilling to be a pawn. he plans to be a catalyst, the catalyst that changes their life as they were that to him. in his rage he doesn’t consider the guilt. the rest of his life he faces the consequences of making his gun, of putting forth that kind of technology into the world. it changes warfare forever when more people start making them [ ana ripley literally has a line about spreading the idea just because she knows that it will make percy FURIOUS to know people are making guns & putting more of that evil into the world ] 

but it isn’t about that when he makes his first gun. it’s about revenge, it’s about mad genius, it’s about walking the path he’d set in front of him regardless of the consequence. but there will always be a tinge of pride he has in his invention, mixed in with the guilt & everything else. he made something that was not in the world beforehand. something that has helped fell vampires, dragons, motherfucking ana ripley. though he inflicted evil onto this world it can’t be undone. so why not reclaim it? why not use it to protect the world & those he loves that live in it. 

Oh man, forgive me, I turned away I won't come back, so I'll have to payI have to pay I have to pay

while we’re on the subject of the guilt when he passes this time where he embraces the darkest parts of him, he looks back & knows how wrong he was. rage is not all a person is & he comes to understand this with a lot of healing. it doesn’t undo the things he’s made, the things he’s done but it does give him a deeper understanding & appreciation of what doing good in the world can do. what a person is capable of, regardless of what they think of themselves. no man is truly righteous, just as no man is truly evil. there is cruelty in all of us it is just a matter of deciding what to do with it.