#i don't think i have a consistent art style but i needed to stop myself on the canon mai a lot bc i started “reificationing” her

[rei-is-hiding]

[ozwuv]

I would like to draw more but I find myself overthinking it and then losing motivation. So, I was wondering if you ever had a similar issue and if so what do you do to stay motivated and not overthink?

Really good question actually!

What nipped the overthinking for me was just completely dropping the planning stage of drawing. I don't put much thought into composition, colors, etc. I don't have any solid ideas of how I want things to look before I begin. Obligatory disclaimer that this is from my perspective as a hobbyist and therefore not practical for an aspiring professional, & this is gonna sound like BS but hear me out lol

Most of the time the only things I have in mind are 1. What character(s) I want to draw and 2. A vague idea of the atmosphere I want the finished product to convey. And "finished" can mean a lot of things -- a messy sketch can be finished, a fully rendered piece I spent an entire day could be finished. A common pitfall people fall into is having an impractically rigid idea of what a "finished" drawing is and subsequently what they want their art to look like, all the bells and whistles etc, when realistically your art is never going to look exactly how it did in your head. But is that really such a bad thing?

I guess the overarching concept is to just fall in love with the process and enjoy the journey rather than the destination. This obviously sounds easier than it is in reality, but imo people focus way too hard on what they're producing rather than how and why they're producing it. Other people loving what you draw and praising it is wonderful, but if you don't enjoy the process, what was the point? Drawing (and I would venture to say most other forms of art in general) becomes a chore with that mindset applied.

A lack of planning may very well mean you wind up drawing a lot of stuff that doesn't seem interesting, maybe haphazard, difficult to parse, etc, but this is all your perception. It's cliché, but there is always going to someone out there that adores something you think looks like a dumpster fire, and that applies to the things you draw too. Over time, just doing whatever you want and enjoying the process has this trickle effect that will improve your output. In the same vein, constantly overthinking will also inevitably trickles into your output. You can often tell when someone enjoyed the process of something they drew vs when it was just a slog for them to get through (at least relative to their other works).

I would venture to say that you could spend your entire life studying and could be the most technically knowledgeable person about illustration ever in the world, but if you don't genuinely love the process, your work will never be as good as it could be if you did.

If you finish something and think it looks like shit that's always a bummer, but if you had fun with it, I think that was time worth spending. I've said this before, but most of the time I only truly dislike something I've drawn when I spent any part of the process frustrated with how it was going. It's counterintuitive, but I really think that placing so much emphasis in how you want the finished product to look is what ultimately is going to make it look like shit to you.

All that being said, once you do get past that initial overthinking phase, you can start to get more specific with planning and whatnot. The key is to just stop holding onto the idea of what you want and allowing things to develop as you go. Your art will naturally improve this way since you're actually enjoying it. To me, that's what people mean when they say they can tell something was made with love.

Side note: Let go of the need to be consistent/have a developed style. Just let yourself be inconsistent. You don't need strict consistency unless you're like an animator who needs to keep characters on-model or something. Experimenting is not only way more fun, but leads to improvement and discovering new things to implement into your process/style at large.

Tl;dr just get a lil silly w it :3c

[rayar32]

I'm so normal about your OCs I haven't finished the series yet so I don't understand some limited things, but that will change soon! Anyways your OCs are fucking awesome and I would love an info dump on them if you have time

oh boy, an opportunity to not shut up about about my OCs! is it already Christmas??? (not but actually thank you for being interested in my dumb kids)

there's a lot to say about them, since I can't stop myself from thinking about em', so I'll do a bunch of fun facts:

- Luiza's main inspiration is Denji from Chainsaw Man; it's very telling with her feral smiles and uh, vulgar way of speech let's say (there's also the constant search for love by literally anyone but the funnies are more important)

- Luiza has self-taught herself in martial arts: her speciality is the Open Hand Technique, a fighting style that incorporates strong and fast slaps using the whole body.

(also yes she can slap so hard it creates a pressure wave)

- Luiza's favorite musical genre is rock in any variation, her favorites being popular songs from the 2010's. She is a certified MCR head and isn't ashamed to admit it.

- Luiza and Helena are twins: their birthday is on June 1st and they're both Geminis (which was totally intentional and not a happy coincidence thanks to a random number generator)

- Luiza is a flaming bisexual, Helena is trans and aroace, Milia is a lesbian and Rebeca is the token straight friend of the group while Six is Six (genderfluid and extremely pan)

(there's a lot more below but I'm hiding it as to not flood people's dashboards!)

- I have a pretty clear character arc for Luiza planned in a (completely delusional) season 1: Luiza starts out as a doormat due to years of having to take care of Helena during her depressive episodes and constantly failing to argue her down from very self-destructive and hateful thoughts; all of this makes Luiza consistently disregard her own opinions and thoughts for whatever her family thinks. She very much starts the "show" off being someone that burns herself for others and that has a very low opinion of herself. That of course changes when she finds Milia, someone that grows to unabashedly care for her and everything she stands for, making Luiza finally realize that yes, she has an innate worth as an individual even if she can't be useful to people. Also she finally grows a backbone specifically to stand up for herself and Milia.

- I think I already told this through a comic, but the reason they both have white locks of hair is trauma, though the irl reason for it is because white/grey are colors associated with wolves and I felt the need to be extremely obvious they're lycanthropes.

- Helena was the second sister to be made irl, but honestly both of their designs and Kallas' just, came to me suddenly one day. Their final designs are quite literally their first iteration, with a few changes over the months because that just happens when you draw the same characters over and over again-

- on the topic of Helena, she doesn't have a main inspiration as much as she is loosely based on the "mean goth girl" archetype; I say loosely based because Helena is also a theater kid in spirit and a huge nerdy loser under all that black leather-

- Helena's arc for season 1 starts out rough: she believes herself to be a monster and will do anything to keep her family safe. While Luiza wants to cure herself of her curse and interact with people, Helena wants to harness it further and never ever feel pain again. Whenever Luiza brings up her dreams of having friends and going to school, Helena shuts it down by saying it's unrealistic and she should stop thinking about it because they're monsters and it's all they'll ever be. Of course all of this vitriol comes from the sister's years of trying and failing to integrate in society, coupled with Helena's own mental issues warping her view of herself. By the end of season 1, through meeting Milia and Luiza finally having the guts to stand against her sister's ideas while still understanding why she thinks that way, Helena abandons her idea of harnessing her curse and starts to open up more to her family.

- Milia's main inspiration is very obviously Suletta Mercury from the Witch from Mercury; if the round eyebrows and generally anxious personality wasn't enough, like Suletta she grows to be confident and lead the charge for her friends (there's even more parallels but I would be spoiling the shit out of WfM-)

- Milia's birthday is on November 5th, making her a Scorpio (which is mildly funny if you're into astrology)

- her vampire form ripping away human skin to reveal a bat-like monster below it comes from an old concept I had involving vampires. I think it actually comes from somewhere else but I literally can't remember it-

- Milia is cold to the touch and barely feels pain; when first learning to cook Milia constantly cut herself and did not realize she did until she saw blood pouring out of her wounds

- Milia's season 1 arc is considerably simple compared to the twins: she starts out scared and alone and, through the Petroniuses compassion, learns to love and be loved. She learns to value herself, stand up for herself and let go of being scared of everything and everyone. She not only mirrors the sister's arcs, but also inspires them into developing through her honest and kind nature. For that reason in post season 1 Milia grows to be the leader of the Bootleg Gear Gang.

- The Angrvadall, Rati and Ukonvasara were all based on the Babr-e Bayan, Milia's relic. The three Symphogears are actually a testbed for a mass produced type of phonic armor development through alchemy; while they can reach the same insane power level that the canon girls do, the Bootleg Gear Gang aren't put in world ending situations and thus don't reach a power level higher than somewhere around GX and AXZ (though they get XV style Gears because I think they're neat-)

- Rebeca and Six are very much like siblings; though they were forced together into a single body, after years of working through it they became nearly inseparable. They both care for and respect each other's autonomy and personal limits, which is why they both wear gender neutral clothes (since Six is uncomfortable wearing traditionally feminine clothing)

- Rebeca was born August 25th making her a Virgo. Six can't remember his birthday, so they make their implant date, July 14th, their birthday. That makes Six's sign Cancer.

- Rebeca/Six were originally planned to be Milia's older siblings; this is still technically true since Six was part of the same undeath experiments that birthed Milia so... yeah! The idea of them inhabiting the same body came from a shower thought that simply stuck around because I really liked it (and also because it's a Gundam 00 reference-)

- also, they're both the strongest Symphogear wielders of the group; Luiza and Helena are stronger when singing in unison, but Rebeca/Six have a unique advantage with being able to switch from two completely different fighting styles on the fly. Additionally Rebeca's brain is simply built different and she constantly pushes her side of Ukonvasara to do increasingly stupid shit like calling down lighting, throwing thunder and eventually using magnetism and electrokinesis. She's very Maria-like when it comes to having an extremely versatile Symphogear and constantly pulling shit out of her ass-

[chiocchi]

Chiocchi!

Big fan of your artistry. I love your art so much! And those graphic novels you have on ao3??? Heaven sent! I use them as an imagery reference if I read any similar trope haha!

I asked the same question to leafiloaf since I love them too, but I'll be very interested to know your artistic journey if you don't mind sharing. How did you start with your art?

Tysm for being in this fandom ❤️

youknowmevj! omg thank you so much! You're too kind 😭🥺❤️❤️❤️ And yess lots of love to leafiloaf

Thanks for the ask! I've never told anyone about it and I'm so excited I'll give you so much unnecessary context. Oops long post.

My artistic journey

I've enjoyed drawing since I was little, but mostly I just drew doodles in my notebook. Anime was a big inspiration for my style and I wanted to create digital illustrations too. When I was a teenager, I tried using a mouse and a PC, and my finger and some app on my phone, but the results were always terrible. I told myself it was because I didn't have a drawing tablet, so "of course my drawings will look ugly" and stopped trying.

However, I promised a discord friend that I would do a drawing for her in December 2020. So, I downloaded this app called "Ibis Paint" on my phone and, with all my effort despite my lack of ability, I drew Harry using the app and my finger jskldhfsa

I was so hesitant and nervous about showing it to her. I could tell it wasn't pretty, just "weird and awkward", and I felt embarrassed. But she told me it was good (LIES) and somehow convinced me to share it with others on the server. Despite feeling shy, I shared it anyway. To my surprise, three people told me it was pretty! I appreciated their kindness.

It wasn't until March 2021 that I returned to drawing digitally and on a more consistent basis. I was mainly doing fanart for a game that I liked.

In May or June (I can't remember exactly), I stumbled upon an artist who created incredible art using Ibis Paint. And I realized that I didn't need a drawing tablet, just more practice and skill, because if they could do it, then I could do it too! That was the moment I began taking art more seriously (still as a hobby, though!).

Due to the pandemic, I had a lot of free time, which I used to watch a lot of tutorials, practice gesture and follow the advice of artists I liked. With every drawing I made, I could see an improvement, which motivated me even more to keep on working hard (drawing became a source of comfort during those depressing times. It was just really fun).

In late 2021, I mentioned to a childhood friend that I wanted to buy a drawing tablet, and he asked me if I wanted his old one, which I excitedly accepted. Finally, I had the tool that would make my art incredible… or so I thought! I was terrible with it. For the first few months, I preferred Ibis paint and my finger. But I eventually got the hang of it! What I love the most are the multiple brushes and pressure settings. I'm such a hoarder, even if I don't use all of them ksklajdl.

In 2022, I participated in several bigbangs and zines, but what I'm most excited to talk about is the tomarry comic that I started.

My tomarrymort art

I've read tomarrymort fics since 2017, but I wasn't active on the fandom. In 2020, I joined a writer's server (all love to Amanda) and met the friend I mentioned earlier. So technically, you could say my love for tomarrymort lead me here kek

Even though my main inspiration was a game, here is some fic fanart I made.

This is my first tomarry art (July 27th, 2021). It's a scene from Genius by the Numbers. I think it looks weird kjdshk

I also made art for A Mating of Convenience, what started in beautiful rooms, Dripping Fingers and for Ale, beloved. (I think I've never posted these before.)

Then two things happened: I saw comic on ao3 (If I'll Ever See You by festivewind) and I was like "WOW! THAT'S SO COOL" and "omg we can upload comics!"

The second thing was me being rejected as a webtoon background artist (naturally, as I wasn't good enough for the specifics) and the spite made me want to do my own so I could improve my weakness (the grind never stops 💪🔥).

I read some of my old notes for story ideas (I'm not good at writing but I still had some snippets of stories). And boom! Love triangle but the 3 of them are idiots (affectionate). Fun fact: the original version had a murder, someone in Azkaban and someone hating the other forever :D

Don't pretend started as an anonymous work because some of my friends knew my AO3 username and I was afraid of screwing up the format (I don't know html) and looking like a fool DKJALKSJL I was also afraid of possible backlash (I'm an over-thinker).

None of that happened (comments were very kind and nice!) But idk, it was nice being anon. I'm awkward and shy and I usually don't know what to say to compliments (Sometimes a "thank you" doesn't feel enough but that's all my brain can offer 😭)

Then I made some tomarry christmas art and shared it on TRoR discord server and someone asked me if I had Tumblr and I said no but that gave me the idea of making one.

Since I planned Don't pretend as being a long story, I realized it'd take me a long time to finish it and I wanted to contribute to the complete tomarrymort works! That's the reason I took a pause and made A Soulmate Like You.

Anyway, I made this tumblr on January 2023, and the plan was to fill it with art so, eventually, when I found the courage to make my works non-anon, I could link to this page. Except that I posted one drawing, and that was enough for isalisewrites to know it was me HJKASDJLA. So I stopped the anonymous thing.

I'm still not used to being "perceived" 👁️👁️ but I've learned it's not bad. People have been really kind and I think I'm less shy now! I'm very happy to be part of this fandom with lots of kind and supportive people and incredible fics and fanart <3

[lonelyghosts-stuff]

I need motivation and tips for continuing art. I used it do it so much as a kid but stopped doing it as much for a stupid reason. Someone who I became friends with was a better artist. I was never popular but I had used to kind of be a smidge known in my classes for decent art until she came along and everyone admired her more. Now obvs that wasn't her fault and we actually became friends for a while (until she changed and pushed me away down the line in middle school and high school, but that's neither here nor there). Either way, I didn't do it as much and only did it here and there.

I never really had my own consistent style either. It was all just kind doodles and some full sized drawings. I never did well with humans but did decently with like animals and objects. This was all in a traditional sketchbook too. I eventually started some digital art too as my friend did and she had a natural affinity for it. Once again, seeing myself get outdone. I have a bad habit of feeling like a failure when I am not immediately good at something I try, especially when it is something I really really want to do. Over the years I would have random surges of doing art again but would often get distracted by other things and feel too overwhelmed to pursue the hobbies I like, especially in high school and me now at 21 in college.

I am pursing a degree in animation but haven't even started the actual animation class itself, mostly just the general education requirements and then some other art classes. I finished 2D design, 3D design, drawing, and life art. I feel like my art has gotten decent for objects and animals still, but I struggle with humans. And unfortunately my life art class was pretty awful with the teacher mostly focusing on a few things regarding the body (which don't get me wrong, was helpful at first) and just assigned busy work like 20 skeleton sketches or 10 skulls and 5 full skeletons or whatever and every single class was gesture drawing of the nude models we had and progressing to shading. Again, don't get me wrong, those are definitely important and helped me with improving my skills, but what bugged me was not only how repetitive it was (it felt like my progress plateaued very early into the class as it just became the same thing every time with the teacher not being super engaging), but the fact we never got into the main thing I struggled with when drawing people; the human face.

I am trying to reteach myself how to draw now, having done that life art class like 2 years ago now. I am watching tutorials which have helped a bit, but I think my main issue is not practicing as consistently. A huge factor being motivation. I often get busy so when I have down time, I'd rather do something mindless instead of intentional work like practicing art that I am not gonna like. And when I do draw, even the things I used to think I was decent at like animals and objects and sceneries, I hate them. They look so flat and lifeless and they look super inconsistent style wise when you compare the different aspects of the drawing. It makes me feel unmotivated and scared about my future.

How can I be an animator when I can't even be happy with a still drawing I have made? I adore 2D animation. I adore art. I have so many ideas I can fully visualize in my brain but as soon as pencil touches paper or stylus to tablet, it's like I am a toddler learning how to write. Especially on digital art because I always feel like I am doing something wrong or in the most inefficient way possible. Don't even get me started on the fill bucket tool on drawing programs never actually filling in the full space I want them too and lines never being fully solid and having weird fuzzy edges that make coloring in weird. Even when I try to look up fixes for this it never seems to work (I swap back and forth between drawing in the free program Krita and Adobe Photoshop I have temporarily while in college).

There is the part of me that wants to give up, but then the strong part of me that refuses to because I know this isn't just some random ADHD hyper-fixation I have gotten. It has been a consistent interest of mine since I was in elementary school, fluctuating based on motivation and other external factors, but never something I stopped being interested in. I dunno. I guess I just needed to rant. I need to keep practicing, I know, but I wish I had someone directly next to me at all times giving me the perfect advice and helping me immediately see where I am messing something up or whatever so my improvement can be faster lol. Idk who will even read this. But oh well.

[waiting-on-a-dream]

Prisoner 001: Kanai Ichiro - Trial 2

General info

Verdict: GUILTY

Physical changes: His bangs are longer, completely covering his left eye. He's developed an unhealthy coping mechanism of hurting his face (scratching, poking, and/or slamming into things) which lead to wounds that need to be bandaged. His uniform reminds mostly the same, just with longer restraints that swing with each movement.

Behavioral changes: He's been more out of it ever since he found out about his verdict, being less responsive and spacing out for longer periods of time. Haruto took his stuffed koala away, so he can be found mumbling to himself more often. He frequently tries to grab Haruto and beg to have Keiko back, but the guard's force field activates every time, sending him flying back.

His temper has worsened and he's always in a bad mood nowadays. Tantrums quickly develop into full blown meltdowns. He has to be calmed down delicately and only by certain people. Daisuke once grabbed his arms to stop him from clawing at his face and he kicked at the man's shin in retaliation. Kiyoshi had to pull them apart.

His art supplies have been taken away so he can't even draw anymore. He spends most of his time sleeping or mumbling to himself. Most of his meals go untouched. He's been hearing more voices than usual, saying such horrible things. it hurts.

Trailer art: His body is angled directly at you, hands clasped around his sides in a sort of defensive hug. His head hangs low, slightly tilted to the right, a sullen and tired expression on his face. His right cheek is bandaged. Behind him, there's a wooden door painted grey, slightly ajar. Its a normal door you'd be able to find at any apartment.

Voicelines

– Second trial trailer

Give him back...

– Character voice trailer

Dinner has gone cold... Can you help me heat it up please?

Cover info

Canon Milgram song cover: All-knowing and all-agony (Once a Haruka kinnie, always a Haruka kinnie. If Haruka's story remains consistent for the third trial, Ichiro would probably cover his song as well. Its impressive actually.)

DECO*27 song cover: Re:[repaint] (The melody reminds me of raindrops falling onto a puddle for some reason. Its a short song, but packs some philosophical lyrics well suited for Ichiro here. The art is so Ichirocore too.)

Non-DECO*27 vocaloid song cover: Hitorinbo envy (I think the art and music styles of this song really suit Ichiro. The themes of loneliness and dreaming of a better reality certainly resonates with him too.)

Music info

Song title: Love and sorrow

Song preview: One night I submerged myself completely in the bathtub. The water was warm and inviting. For a moment, I was wrapped tightly in the embrace of "ai".

I want to be included, I want to be part of the family. Look at me, hug me, play with me. I'm begging you! I'm still here, I've always been here. Don't I deserve to be loved even though I'm guilty?

MV description: This MV retains the same crayon drawing style from the first MV, along with some frames being pastel and bright while others being shadowed and dull. Yellow, blue, and white turn up a lot.

The MV starts with Ichiro's mom smiling while holding a baby in her arms. The man from the previous MV stands behind her, a hand around her shoulder. The camera slowly pans out. In the light of the white background, they're the picture of a perfect happy family.

The camera cuts to a younger Ichiro (around 12 years old) sitting at the top of a slide. An empty playground. The setting sun casts a purple shadow over the equipment. Ichiro continues to play. On the swings, on the monkey bars. He plucks some nearby weeds to make a bouquet. Its nighttime already. The frame is washed with blue.

Then he's having dinner with his mom and the man. The colours of this frame are back to pastels with a yellowish glow. They sit around a table, eating a meal of katsu curry rice. They're smiling.

The camera cuts to Ichiro soaking in a bathtub. The bathroom is mostly white and grey with blue outlines to differentiate things from each other. A close-up of his face. He takes a breath and sinks completely into the water. He blows out bubbles that rise up to the surface, increasing in number until his face is obscured.

The camera cuts again to the POV of someone (presumably Ichiro) opening the front door to a house. A framed photo is displayed on the nearby cupboard: A young Ichiro, his mom and the man all huddled together with awkward smiles. There are also drawings, Mother's day cards and other knickknacks. Ichiro's mom appears with a smile, reaching out to pat at the person's head. The man is further away, hanging up his coat. Black crayon swirls appear over the man's face, and then Ichiro's mom before it takes over the whole frame. End.

Author's notes

The canon Milgram song previews for trial 2 only have 2-3 lines but we don't do that here, haha. There's no way I'm writing lyrics for a full song so a longer preview will have to do.

Haruka and Yuno both reference their thoughts on their verdicts in their songs, so I'm going to do the same for Ichiro and Akane.

Picrews used: - https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/1969833 - https://picrew.me/ja/image_maker/1820833

[tothepointofinsanity]

Personal Log VII

I wrote a lot about my true feelings in this draft, but since it was useless and a mouthful, I discarded it.

Some ramblings about art and books instead:

As opposed to thinking about how little friends I have in real life due to my reclusive nature and how my avoidance fueled conflicts, I want to think about what I always wanted to draw. A positive diary entry, for once! I want to draw more dark-fairytale styled things, even if the observation of what is technically considered to be "fairytale-like" can be broad or vague. Maybe something like the already yellowed pages of intricate monochromatic illustrations in children's storybooks. ← Yet, whenever I try to replicate this feeling, it comes out more gothic and gloomy [maybe it's the house - it's dark and dreary indoors, too, more cage-like than welcoming].

I should experiment more. There are some drawings that are "anatomically wrong", but possess the sharp style I need to represent certain characters. Yes, it's hard to recreate it, so I need to be smarter in how I approach things. When I was younger, I only ever read short, contemporary novels in mandarin, so most art had a very "snappy" and messy feel to them. I like reading. Reading influences the type of art I make in terms of "sense" and style. I just don't read as much as I used to due to how quickly I lose motivation, not because the books I choose are boring [historical or classic/periodical literature are very interesting despite their reputation, but I only like the ones that aren't part of long series, as most young adult books are]. I really need to start reading more difficult books. I never had a consistent phase where I consumed or liked YA novels because I primarily find the characters hard to relate to [a no-brainer statement given what exactly I am - a person who finds objects more interesting than people], and the writing styles aren't that all interesting to me. Doesn't mean it's bad, of course, because I've read a few and they were actually decent. Girl, Serpent, Thorn is really worth the read. I haven't read enough books to make such a judgement aloud, but my tastes are definitely more on the classic, English side of things [because if a murderer from Edgar Allan Poe's one-shot is more relatable than a protagonist from a lengthy trilogy, the problem is myself]. I know already I'm not the target demographic, but the jump from Enid Blyton, where I was just reciting it for a story competition as a 12 year old, to reading my first Stephen King book was really...something. After a while, I tried to look for more obscure or older books, as I realised they hid within the secret formulae of interesting things. As of now, I'm still on Jane Eyre. I think everyone and their grandmother has already read this book aside from me. So far, it's a nice read. I should really stop saying "random killer with melancholia" is relatable when some girl protagonists are relatable and cool in their own right, and that discrediting this would make me sound misogynistic and inaccurately hateful. It's all about acquired tastes, I think, if not the concerns of how quickly I latch onto any character with mental health problems.

You don't necessarily read books to find characters that are relatable to you, but they certainly help motivate you to finish the book. Sometimes I can find interesting characters that aren't strictly relatable, but still interesting enough that I want to continue reading it. Like...Marie from Edward Carey's Little. [But Marie was quite relatable, given I was exactly like her when I was younger. I think most girl characters who are scorned for their rebellious streak or nature when they were kids are all reminiscent of my own childhood.]

[kaibette]

i'm so sorry the sonic fandom is being a shitfest but i'm really glad that i at least got to find your work through it bc it's honestly inspiring. i love seeing how hard you push your lighting and rendering and how cool your designs are. even if you stop doing sonic entirely i'd still want to follow your work bc i imagine it'll be just as cool seeing you branch out into different styles.

also you've consistently been one of the more level-headed people i've followed so it's really annoying to see people lashing out at you like that. really hope you'll be able to get some peace from it soon

hope this isn't overly sappy from someone you don't really know

Thank you! I'm gonna respond to this one under the cut because I can be longwinded.

The sonic fandom has always been a shitfest. When I first joined like... 4 years ago? There was a huge call-out situation that was all over my timeline that directly connects to the harassment that others and myself still receive today.

When people say "oh all of this is due to friend drama" it's honestly true. I've been roped into several conflicts between friends which honestly didn't need to be public. And because I publicly voiced my opinion (oftentimes in favor of one side or another from a bystanders perspective) people have drawn circles around me to group me with people.

I try really hard to be level-headed about things, but I'm not perfect and I slip up sometimes. Recently, though, because people have drawn these circles around me, there are random people who are being told I'm 'in' with these groups that they hate. And any time I push back or call out people doing this, it feels like people see me as the problem.

This has gone so far as someone leaking my personal discord blacklist (wherein I specifically state that it's a private document and do not contact or harass the people listed) to someone on that blacklist. And, somehow, I'm the issue?

I think the sonic community has a real issue with letting terrible people stay in the space. People are consistently scared of speaking out in the way that I always do because every time someone like me does speak, people try to silence them. Instead of it being "this person is doing a shitty thing, they are the problem" it has become "this person is talking about someone having done a shitty thing, they are the problem."

And, in a way, I cannot blame them. There have been so many back and forth call-out documents where it boiled down to "this person isn't a good friend" that I get why there's a disdain for calling out anyone for anything.

However, there's a specific group that never talks, but they continuously stalk people that have blocked them and rip their shit off. Their friends have dozens of alternate accounts and they have massive followings. And they're free to just do whatever they want while stoking hatred on the backend because their art is decent I guess. If you ever speak up about them, you'll get your shit ripped off too and slip into my position where people are attacking me because I'm associated with the people they don't like. And it sucks. They suck. But nothing will change because this place values art quality over originality and common decency.

This fandom has issues, and I'm just tired of cleaning them up. I don't get anything but enemies out of trying to be a good person. I'll still draw my ship but I can't and won't be supporting the vast majority of creatives here because there's no way to know if they're planning to stab me in the back or not.

Sorry this is so long but it's but a snippet of me feelings at the moment. Thank you, truly, for your support. It really means a lot.

[sleeepydraws]

There's a huge amount of pressure to make perfect art.

You're supposed to know and have such a good handle on all of the fundamentals because, if you don't, the algos won't show your work to anyone.

We have to simultaneously be (usually) multimedia experts and infinitely relatable.

There isn't room in the Algo to experiment and try new things... Because it actively sabotages you if you do. Use a different media? Stop working in the same style? Bye bye, followers. Goodbye, reach.

It's heartbreaking! Experimentation is the crux that's kept me doing art consistently for almost a year now.

I used to go *months* without drawing. And now I feel weird if I haven't drawn that day; it's such a comfort to me. To give myself time to decompress.

And to think that the space I use for playing and messing up and thumbnailing and trying new things and GROWING is a thing that could actively sabotage a career as an artist is ...

Honestly fuck it.

FUCK the algorithms. FUCK the nonsense that means I have to """""niche down"""" and never change.

No. We're human. We change. We grow. We evolve. We EXPERIMENT.

Anyways long winded way of saying just share it. You don't need a perfect sketchbook.

So many folks have told me that my pages where I actively add silly notes or go (OH NO) when I realized I made a mistake? They love it.

Do it. Remind each other that imperfections are necessary. It brings community. It relieves others (and yourself) of that pressure. Even if just for a bit. Even if just for a little.

i don't like to yuck people's yum but i have to say that my least favorite thing to come from the current state of Artists on the Internet is the idea of a sketchbook as something nice and pretty and shareable. like i love me a notebook full of gorgeous art don't get me wrong but that is NOT what a sketchbook is. a sketchbook is my friend who i carry around everywhere like a purse chihuahua. it is the physical manifestation of my notes app. it is the container into which i wring my brain out. it is my therapist. and most of all it is filled with absolutely terrible sketches that should never see the light of day.

[myaquariusheart]

15/4

"Today, the best way for you to help others is with a dose of honesty. They'll be grateful for your directness. You can bring out the outcome you want." We had a heated discussion with Mum in the front room just before everyone went to sleep. She wants to retire by 50 and wants us to all support her financially, which, I guess she deserves, she has been looking after us all these years but I just find it ridiculous to have little to no savings and want to retire. She was telling me how she wanted Bab to get a better job but constantly putting him down is not going to motivate him to do better. Knowing were struggling sometimes isn't enough when someone's self-esteem is down and I do know a lot about low self-esteem. I gave her the example of me and Z doing our theory once she stopped forcing us to do it and making us feel bad that we basically don't drive, we finally wanted to do it ourselves with our own inspiration and determination. I don't know who wrote the rules to be Bengali because I hate them honestly. You're all washed up and unwanted if you're a woman whos not married by 27. It's so backward and not fair. We're expected to be married so young and enjoy no freedom. I literally wish I could travel the world and do some things that I love and can do without feeling the guilt of leaving Mum and Dad behind but I guess that's my sad little life. I can of course try and find a really good paying job and save enough to start alone somewhere but I also do want to be loved by a man and be married one day, I guess at my own pace. It's difficult and hard but I guess that part of my journey can start when I finally pass my driving, otherwise, I'm going to have to rely on TFL to get to places. After graduation I need a week at least of nothingness, I want pure relaxation and to do nothing with myself. I'm going to buy myself some new alcohol markers and really practice and focus on drawing and creating some art, I haven't been able to do much of it but I want to make a nice collection again and discover my own personal art style because I don't have one. I've also lost all my old art but luckily I have some pictures. I'm still going to work at the cafe or I will go crazy but you know, no stress. I want to go on holiday to Italy but I have no one to go with (that I would even want to go with) so it's all a bit shit. Anyway, tomorrow is the last day before I go back to my normal routine of Uni and work. Kinda can't wait to go back and kinda can't be bothered too. It's nearly over, five years of a really stressful university journey and I'm proud of myself because I honestly didn't think I could do it. Today was really nice, we watched the Super Mario movie. It was super funny and we were all laughing lots. I loved the silliness and the lightness of the movie and I'm so happy Alv enjoyed it because she's not too familiar with Super Mario brothers. It brought back a lot of childhood memories of playing the DS games and Mario Kart. I loved it and would want to watch it again but somewhere cheaper. The adult ticket was like £16 and that is literally too much. We had the worst pizza hut experience ever, I think it's under new management and that man was a bit horrible and did not have good customer service. I ordered a meal deal for about £20 for one pizza about 11 inch, and then properly reading the menu I saw kids could get their own personal 9inch pizza, with a side, bottomless drink, AND A DESSERT? for £7 so I asked the guy for a refund and he was being arsey about it. On top of that when the guy served the pizza he dropped half of it on the table and we were just wishing we went to Burger King instead. I'm in bed now, gonna try and sleep in a bit. I managed to finish my philosophy essay yesterday but when I go in on Monday or Tuesday I need to re-read it and include some references. Tomorrow my to-do list consists of me collecting my laundry, getting some hair dye, and getting ready for the first day of Uni on Monday.

[risu5waffles]

The next whack of 10 in the Archive

This reminds me of how i'd used to do recap episodes every 10levels i looked at on LittleBite-sizedPlanet, so i could take the earliest set of 10 off my playlist. Fell out of doing that when lbp.me went tits up, and collecting links in one place stopped being doable. i like this format, tho'. Setting up the b-roll for 10levels all in one go was a real pain in the rear.

i loved this level. Just well-presented enough to look like it was planned, just kludgy enough to still have heart, and a solid focus on pretty well-paced platforming. The difficulty was on the easy side of medium, which is a nice sweet spot for me to just play around wiv. i've never felt much need to really beat myself up just to flex on a superhard level.

This was a pretty chonky, ambitious level for LBP1. Aside from the second fight wiv the security drones, there wasn't anything too difficult, but it felt expansive, and it's really well presented (except for some issues wiv Magic Mouths, where you couldn't cycle through them if you'd missed something; i think that's LBP3 mucking things up, it's a pretty consistent issue playing LBP1 levels in it). It's maybe a touch too big to come back to often, but i had myself a good time wiv it.

i had a hard time deciding to share this level or not. i'm not embarrassed of it or anything, i think i did a pretty good job for not knowing what i was doing (even tho' there are a few jokes that will only make sense if you were teaching at Nova when it was going bankrupt in 2007, which is a vanishingly small audience). The issue is, 2008 was still very much in The Before for me, it would still be 11years before i really figured my stuff out. i didn't know if i wanted to share the secret (well, one of the secrets) in the level, since it's a message from a me that only kind of still exists to my ex-wife, but the sentiment, if not the speaker, is the same. And if it's going to be a real archive, i have to show as much as i'm able to do.

A tropical-themed level that doesn't use the Tiki kit? Be still my beating heart. Seriously, tho', that's a good kit, but it gets overplayed. This is a nice little level in what feels like should be called early-LBP2 standard, which sounds like i'm being backhanded, but there's a certain style you'd run into all over in that era of levels that still really appeals to me. It's impossible, but i'd love to see, like, an academic broad and deep look into the trends in creating styles over the different eras of LBP's community life. What points you'd find in commonality and the like. Something like that would just curl my toes in all the right ways.

This is such a weird one, even beyond it just being really weird. bing2go's levels are usually these really expansive, beautiful pieces of art, wiv a heavy reliance on custom stickers, like really make you sit up and pay attention jobs, and then one day they felt like doing some creating wiv their nephew and we get this masterpiece. i honestly love it to bits.

We talked about this one last week, but just go and compare this to Roasting Oranges 2! up top and see how much difference a bit over a year made for LBP levels (tho', these are different creators, so that's not entirely a fair comparison, but i do think the community in general had moved solidly in a forward direction in that time).

This is such a good one. The presentation isn't quite as tight as what we saw in Wooden Castle in the previous batch of 10 (tho', i have to say, i love that glossy red wood material, i don't think i've ever seen anyone else use it as a main ingredient like we see here), but i think it does a better job of keeping the pace up, and keeping the mechanical and gameplay interactions front and center. Some nice use of Wall Jumps too. You can do good work wiv that technique, but most times i see it used, it feels a little lazy? Fun side point, but if you ever see me just stop and do nothing for a bit midlevel, maybe just wave my arms a little, i'm probably grabbing the screenshot for the thumbnail. The thumbails/title page are all done in-game. Honestly, it's kind of fun, and i'm a little proud of this iteration on what i do for LittleBite-sized planet.

This level feels like it would be much better served as part of a series of levels, it's very much a "here's how you play the game, here's simple platforming as translated through LBP." i don't want that to sound like a dig, that's actually a really good kind of level to have; but there are a lot of them floating around the community, and i always feel a little like, "this is great, now where's the follow up?" Like, i would never complain about the first couple of levels of the Gardens, but it'd feel a little weird if the game just stopped there, you know? i do like the presentation here, for the most part, it's very warm and low-stakes, you know?

This one was a little charmer. The starting area was cute, and i really liked the SackThings just, kinda, lounging around the wharf? The shark was a nice touch too. Not a lot to say beyond i had a good time wiv it.

Serious question, but is there any better material than basic cardboard at the end of the day? Battered Cardboard is up there, and it has the edge in that the colour is tweakable right from the chump, but i find myself coming back again and again to just regular old, humdrum cardboard. There's something very tactile about it, and it maybe best sells the original conceit that these are creations kids could make. This level is... it's fine. Honestly, it's fine. Probably could have used a little more playtesting, because i think some of the jumps are a bit fiddlier than it feels like was intended, but, eh... you know.

[callisto-rants]

Starting a new ✨series✨ that no one asked for! ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

Callisto-Rants presents...

Here's my Two Cents

Where we just throw down our two cents on how we would change a series to make it better, in our own personal opinion.

[You can Block this tag if you're not interested in this series: #Here's Our Two Cents]

Here's my Two Cents

Yarichin Bitch Club.

Ever since I had the misfortune of having that opening theme song stuck in my head because of countless memes and tiktok edits. . . I have wished for days to have the ability to create a time machine to prevent myself from saying. . .

"okay, fine I'll bite the bullet and check out the source material."

Now if you're reading this and thinking, "huh. I never heard of this series..." let me just tell you, GOD I WISH I WAS YOU RIGHT NOW.

No one was going to tell me this BL Manga about a "pHoTogRaPhY cLuB" wasn't completely INSANE? I was just supposed to find out Three Volumes Later??

Now some of y'all who have read the source material might be thinking. . .

"Okay Callisto, get over it it's obviously supposed to be a comedy it's not meant to be taken seriously 🙄"

And to that I say... I mean I guess??? But do we really need all of THAT to make it a comedy?? I feel like you could still have an entertaining comedy BL Manga without 90% of the shit that goes on in that series..... But that's just ✨my two cents✨ take it or leave it.

FIRST THINGS FIRST, here's all the stuff I'd automatically remove from this series off the bat.

💀 The Gang Bangs.

💀 Teacher x Student Relationships.

💀 In fact all instances of unconsensual acts & sexual assault committed in this manga. Throw all of that away.

💀 the fact that the term Bisexual was used as a replacement for the term switch, and had nothing to do with the sexual orientation itself whatsoever.

💀 The High School Setting.

💀 Whatever the fuck Yuri was on.

💀 90% of the hyper sexualized traits these characters had.

Now here's what I'd change to make it better... Basically here's an AU of what if it was actually a normal photography club....

Actually make it a fucking Photography Club. Not a sex club that's in a fuckin HIGH SCHOOL. Hell, you could just throw this in a college setting too, for more mature themes.

Main character, Takashi Toono a college student that's trying to get out of his comfort zone more. So he decides to join the photography club, because he thinks it's not demanding to require anything of him compared to any other club on campus. He knows completely NOTHING about photography, and doesn't have any passion for the art media. His Character growth would be learning to appreciate the art media While learning what it means to him, as well as who he wants to be as he enters the adult world as a young adult.

Yuu Kashima, can stay as Takashi's love interest. Also, I feel like all the members should have a specific style of taking photos that correlates with their personality in some way. Yuu's photography style would be something the lines of Candid photography which is a type of photography style that's main focus is to take photos in the moment or in surprise. Something he has already done when he took that photo of Takashi. I also feel like Yuu would be the one to keep pushing Takashi to love photography, and understand it's more than snapping a photo.

Kyousuke Yaguchi, can stay as the Love Rival for Yuu Kashima and overall keep his personality? It was actually pretty interesting and I liked his Character dynamics with everyone else. Kyousuke Yaguchi can also stay as the outsider that directly / indirectly influences Everyone else in the club. Causing Takashi to explore his feelings and expand his social group, and make him think about what he wants to capture in his photos. Overall the same interaction between Kyousuke & Yuu Kashima with their rivalry and brotherly relationship at it's breaking point. As well as, Kyousuke and Yui's relationship being tense with miscommunication.

Yui Tamura, I imagine Yui's photography style would be more of Adventure (capturing shots in the great outdoors, usually involving extreme sports; mountain-climbing, skiing, kayaking, sky diving, etc) & Sports Photography. Which could create interesting interactions between Kyousuke and Yui. Cue Yui trying to cover up the fact that, every time the soccer club commissions Yui to take some photos of their club activity to promote their club, all of Yui's photos are of Kyousuke playing soccer. Causing Yui to complain to Kyousuke to get out of his shots and that he's ruining them by being in all of them. So, Kyousuke just shouts back "then stop following me around with your camera, DUMBASS". Just imagine Them bickering, because Yui 100% did not delete the photo he captured of Kyousuke getting knocked out by a soccer ball to the face.

Itsuki Shikatani would definitely be in the club, but only because he prefers to have his photos be taken, more than he likes taking photos himself. He would probably be a cross dresser, who enjoys dressing up in feminine articles of clothing and posing for photos. Everyone on campus who doesn't know Itsuki personally, always asks who the beautiful woman in these photos are, the club president and vice President always just says it's one of their cousins that happen to be in town. If Itsuki had to have a style of photography, it would probably be fashion.

Toru Fujisaki. . . This one is difficult only because his Character is purely centered around Yuki's Character. . . So I'm going to take some creative liberties here. . . Probably really insecure about himself, because he feels like he's a wall flower that's really forgettable, that no one cares about. Although, it's mostly because he's shooting himself in the foot by not letting one have the opportunity to get to know him to give him a chance, in the first place. Until, he meets Yuki who makes him realize that not everyone sees him as a wall flower and someone can notice his nicer qualities about himself that he's hiding away. Toru's Character development in this AU, would be for for him to learn to love himself more and try to trust people to accept him. As well as to expand his social circle with the support of not only Yuki, but the Photography Club as well. At first I bet, he would only feel comfortable with Yuki taking his photos and modeling only for him, but over time he'd let the other club members take his photo when he gets more confident in himself. While also, developing his own style of photography, that isn't just "cute photos of Yuri", it would probably be Still Life or Portrait.

Ayato Yuri, okay first. . . I'm still not over the fact that this boy was written like a deranged feral child, that was given access to a pornhub account way too early in life. While being dropped on his head several times, before and after his first words. Anyhow. . . I feel like Yuri would fit the trope of the genius, that no one understands in any capacity. His mind is 10 steps ahead of everyone else and he forgets to slow down and explain what the fuck he's talking about, when he goes into a passionate rant about photography. With endless rambles about golden ratio, gold lighting and blue lighting, and how he needs these specific props, that don't seem to fit the theme of the photo at all to make it perfect. But despite that, his photos always come out beautifully. No one can deny that his methods might be extremely weird, but they always work out way too well to give anyone the opportunity to chastise him. Anyone trying to work with Yuri often leaves the experience with a beautiful photo in hand, but an enormous headache. Even members within the photography club can't keep up with Yuri most of the time either, he's often in his own little world that just makes sense to only him. He can be a eccentric and passionate about his hobby and goofy to not make people feel too uncomfortable with the huge distance he unintentionally places between himself and others when he doesn't bother to slow down for anyone. But, he still has a good heart to make sure everyone gets a piece of art that'll always be memorable to them. Additionally, with that being said I feel like Toru would be the few people that would consistently attempt to keep up with Yuri, when he's a light year away from everyone else in his rambles. Toru wouldn't shut down and show disinterest in what Yuri says when he can no longer keep up, he's always being supportive and encouraging Yuri to continue because he knows it makes him happy to be able to express his passion. And sometimes, Yuri will pause and explain a bit to let Toru keep up with him, because he just truly appreciates someone trying to get closer to him, without making him feel bad. I would say Yuri is a jack of all trades when it comes to Photography styles. There isn't a single style he is terrible at, but he truly excels at Abstract Photography.

Koshiro Itome I think Koshiro would fit the silent type trope, but with a lot on his mind. Always over thinking things, and although he looks calm his mind is always buzzing with 500 things at once. Because, of this the only way he can find some semblance of peace is by going out for a nature walk and letting the environment take his mind off things. He's always worries about deadlines for projects, meeting up with clients face to face for the first time, whether or not a company will like his photos he submitted, if his boyfriend Akemi is okay, what if he doesn't find anything to take a picture of or if he's missing the perfect shot right now, will the club be okay after they all graduate, what else can be learn to improve his skills etc etc. Akemi can always tell when he's actually calm and when he's just zoned out and drowning in his own worries behind his calm demeanor. Luckily for Akemi, he knows exactly what to do to make him feel better, like a life boat to his pleas for help in the vast ocean of his thoughts. Koshiro is 100% the mom friend in the club, always helping newbies out on how to properly take care of their equipment, and the general basics, stopping people from bickering and carrying around a Mary Poppins bag of useful items. "Damn I forgot to bring my infrared lens with me!" "It's okay I brought a spare, here you go." Koshiro's photography style would be Nature & Wild life, cue everyone wondering how the hell he managed to capture a photo of baby bear and it's mother so close up with such clarity with the equipment he has on him. It should be impossible there's no way he could it's just unlikely, but all Koshiro does in response is just shrugging calmly "I just slowly walked up to them, and took some photos and went my way after I was done, they weren't bothered at all." At first no one believes him, until they see the next photo of him petting the mother bear, and within the next photo of him holding the baby bears paw. I like to think Akemi is always bragging at how his boyfriend is basically a Disney Prince, with the way animals just trust him enough to let Koshiro approach to take the photos. Of course Akemi has the proof that his Boyfriend is not making any of these up. With photo evidence he had taken from a incredibly safe distance away, of Koshiro just interacting with wildlife at such a close distance. Because, Akemi was not in fact gifted the ability of a Disney prince, to be doing that shit that Koshiro pulls on a daily basis. I feel like because of this Akemi can be a bit over protective of Koshiro, always telling him to text him before he goes to work and he gets back home, so he knows a feral bear didn't devour his boyfriend in the woods. He tries his best to join Koshiro while he works so he can be at peace of mind that Koshiro is in fact safe, but they both know it's very difficult for Koshiro to focus. When his boyfriend is being incredibly cute how could he remember he's here to take photos of the wild life and not his boyfriend? That and Akemi always accidentally scares away the wildlife, when he accidentally reads the animals body language wrong as any attempt to devour his boyfriend. Akemi will lose 25 years of his life with amount of false alarms, he has encountered in those damn woods.

Keiichi Akemi, Akemi is definitely one of those smug bastards, that has an ulterative motive or an ace up his sleeve. Appearing sweet and kind until you realize it was a facade. But one way or another you find yourself wrapped up in his convoluted plans, where you're either in his photoshoot as a model or you're carrying all his equipment, while he goes from one job to the next. Akemi's photography style would be Wedding Photography & Landscape something he definitely would've picked up from the countless outings he had with Koshiro in the outdoors. Akemi's friends are almost always married or paired up together, and that's no coincidence. This man is a match-making demon, a hopeless romantic who loves to see a budding romance finally bloom. So, he can snag a fat check when they thank him for brining them together and hire him as the official wedding photographer. His intuition is never wrong about the perfect pairings and how to push the right buttons to move things along, without getting directly involved until the right time comes. Something, that will be a pain in Toono's ass down the line as he stays in the Photography Club.

Overall, I feel like this could've been a really nice BL Manga which was a love letter to the art media of Photography. As Toono figures out what Photography means to him and how he wants to use it to express his feelings. "Why do you take photos? What do you want to say in these photos and tell people without the ability of using your words?" I feel like at first Toono, would just be confused "it's just a photo what's so special about it? You take it as a cool momento for something."

But, as time goes on, and he learns why everyone in the club enjoys photography and why they're here, he learns it's more than that. Whether it be to vent something you're unable to express in words, express your love for something or someone, to tell a story, to inspire others, to feel free, to share something with someone. All these different forms of expression, will let Toono figure out what he wants from photography and how he plans on expressing it.

Also instead of the whole "have sex with someone in one month or we gang bang you against your will" dilemma. . . I feel like another suspenseful situation could have been, "Create a photo album, that will impress all of us in one month, or you have to help us all out with our next projects." Which at first doesn't sound terrible, until you remember...

Yui is a thrill seeker, and would probably push you off a cliff to snag a cool photo. Or force you to be his pack mule as you climb up serval mountains.

Itsuki would force you to cross dress and model different fashion styles to make you look like a clown for his own amusement. All the while he revels in your shame, and points out how these colors don't suit you at all, but ignores the fact he's the one who put you in that outfit in the first place.

Yuri is such a wild card that you honest to God don't know what the fuck will happen to you, it'll be like being on an acid trip the whole time. And not knowing what will happen brings you more fear than knowing what will.

Koshiro would probably bring you to a wolf den full of hungry ravenous wolves, and let you accidentally get eaten alive by a pack of wolves. While he takes pictures of puppies, without a care in the world.

Akemi... Akemi just scares Toono, he seems like the safest bet out of everyone else. But Toono knows better to trust that sweet smile. Toono would be safer walking into Satan's house than spend a day with Akemi at work. Whatever he would have planned for them if he were to lose this challenge would not be good for his sanity. He hates how he knows Akemi wants just that for Toono to know he's not going to be safe either. Akemi would probably make him cry with prying questions about his romance life. While hitting too close to home with all his assumptions about him that he can't argue back. It's losing battle from there on out.

The only problem for Toono is Everyone in this club is so different, that it's almost impossible to be able to impress them all. None of them agree, which style is better or having almost anything in common photography style wise. Toono can't just half-heartedly replicate anyone's style either, he's going to actually try and fail miserably to understand this art media better, like everyone else. I think after losing the challenge and spending time with everyone, Toono would come to really like the club and everyone else in it.

And that's my ✨two cents✨ on how this story could've been better if it didn't focus too much on the whole pwp aspect.

Take it or leave it.

[innaillus]

I got so many heartfelt comments... I didn't even expect people to read this. I'm so sorry but also thank you so much. I started to write a reply one by one but I started to cry and I can't break down now because I still need to post the last entry for inktober (and have work to do haha). Please allow me to write a collective reply to your comments, I don't think I can handle anything else now. But please know that I read each and every one of them multiple times and I appreciate every single minute and every drop of effort you put into reading my post and reacting to it.

I'm sorry if I appeared to seek attention. I'm still ashamed of having posted this, but I guess it's too late, haha. I didn't mean to complain about the style or quality of my art to force a positive feedback out of people. I made peace of what I have long ago and I know I'll never stop improving. (I really appreciate your thoughts though and I'm happy to know you like my art!)

My main issue here is the management of time and energy/"creative juices". I do art for a living too, which is a full-time job in itself. I don't have other job nor hobby besides art, because of the amount of time it requires. (Yes I may also have actual workaholism issues - that's my secret behind the consistency with inktober, haha.)

Another important thing: I never got the feeling any of my followers expected anything from me! I'm sorry if I gave this impression. Or gods forbid guilt tripping. No, the only one pressuring me is me. And since I cannot live up to my own standards and expectations, I put myself in situations... like this one.

Thank you all, for all the kindness and encouragement.

Hope you are all well. <3

@thealchemistsdaughter @alfredo0724 @joy-girl @misslauravillanueva @intheafterall @ourmondobongo @demonzaemon @the-witch-of-one-piece @sunshine7queen @desi-the-blue-eyed-kakushi

May I complain for a second? I'm really sorry about this, I try to stay positive and optimistic at all times, and the last thing I want is pull people down with my rants. I'm also aware that many people have more dire problems, not to mention the unspeakable horrors happening in the world right now, so I'm ashamed to feel so frustrated in my privileged, safe life.

I'm terribly sorry for not being able to bring you multiple nicely rendered artworks for Halloween. I feel guilty. I get so much support, so many lovely messages all the time. Then I see a lot of amazing artists doing their best to make people happy with high-quality paintings of many different characters. It feels like I'm failing my followers.

Unfortunately this is all I can do. My day job drains most of my creativity and time, and then I was also keeping up with inktober. There was just no way. Maybe a better, smarter artist could have, but I was unable to do more. And now I'm also very exhausted and I need a break.

I don't know who to talk to. I don't know how to get rid of this feeling, how to do more, how to do better, how to be there everywhere, how to be enough. I don't know, am I looking for validation now? A response? What am I trying to achieve now?

What am I trying to achieve in general?

Somebody please make the days longer. I need to get better.

[stray-kids-react]

Polaroid

Han x Fem. Reader Soulmate au

Warnings - Swearing, mentions of sex, and Fluff that'll make you cry.

Masterlist

...

Y/n's pov, November 27 2020

My mother once told me that I will know when I'm in love, she never specified what hints will cross my path... She just said I'll know.

As a young adult now, sharing an apartment with my close friend Yeji. I'm starting to become impatient with this whole game of love, why can't I just get told who is my perfect match. I'm so tired of having my hopes risen up and then crashed down onto my heart... Breaking it each time.

"Any plans today?" Yeji asked from the kitchen, making me cringe at the word plans.

I just was still recovering from a terrible break up, where I caught the supposedly love of my life slurping the life out of his assistants pussy. I won't forget the feeling of my heart completely stopping for a few seconds, as my mind told me to run and not look back.

"Yes actually, I have a date with Netflix and the leftovers in the fridge." I replied, slyly smirking as she stared at me like a worried mother.

"Well Netflix isn't going to have to wait for his turn. Because I have this guy who is really interested you and is a total sweetheart." She sighed, showing me a photo of the guy she was trying to set me up with.

"Yeah... No." I replied, beginning to retreat back to my room.

"Y/n! JISUNG TOLD ME!" Yeji announced, catching my attention from the front of my bedroom door.

"I-it's still a no Yeji." I whimpered, shutting the door harshly behind me as she sighed in defeat.

Yeji's pov

She needs to get out of this place, it's been two weeks now. All over a guy she barely even knew, I know the true reason she is hiding and she will never admit it.

Y/n is scared to see his face again, our best friend Han Jisung. The best friend that she happened to fall in love with, and moved away from after she got accepted into the university of her dreams.

They were never just best friends in anyone's eyes, not even there own. Yet they both tried to fill in the whole in their heart with other people, never realizing that all they had to do was just say three difficult words.

Y/n was in a hurry to find her perfect partner after I found mine, the man next door with the matching tattoo on his wrist. Your tattoo shows up when you are over the age of 19 and are near your soulmate, it shows up on your wrist, neck, or shoulder blade.

She didn't want to see Jisung in case that tattoo never came, they both wouldn't be able to handle the realization. But it is a part of life, and I'm not going to let my best friends live alone when they could have a chance to be in love and happy.

Han wanted to see us both while he was visiting the city, even though he knew the risk of utter devastation. That fake profile was just a set up so that she would finally meet up with Han, and she probably already knew about my plans.

I walked up to her door cautiously, gently brushing my knuckles against her door.

"Y/n... I know why you are actually upset."

Y/n pov

"Because of Han Jisung." I answered, brushing past the old childhood photos saved on my phone.

"I know that's what you were going to say Yeji, and you're right. I know I won't be able to take it if the guy I love isn't the one for me, and that all of those nights alone with him that are coded into my brain are worthless. I'm scared Yeji, I'm scared that I won't be able to think of most of my life without tearing up." I explained, as she plopped down on my bed next to me.

"You're fear will just get worse until you find out, you'll never know the result until you actually try." She replied, placing my head on her shoulder for comfort.

I let out a shaky breath as a couple tears streamed down my cheeks, she was right as usual. But I still needed at least one day to prepare myself.

"Fine, but let me rest today. I'm not going to fancy restraint with puffy eyes and bed head." I remarked, watching as a sly smile spread across her lips.

She slowly began to exit my bedroom, delighted that she finally got her way with me. Not even explaining who that fake date even was, probably just a random guy from Google. It was 11:30 at night, and all of my crying really wore the energy out of my body and mind.

So eventually sleep crossed paths with my mind and hooked up, completely losing consciousness as my memories flashed like a polaroid camera.

December 15th 2018

"I can't believe we're graduating this year, seems like we only started high school yesterday." Jisung sighed, carrying both of our bags while walking home together.

"Don't worry quokka, you'll still carry my bags for me even after high school." I teased, pinching the reddened skin of his cheeks.

"Oh very funny, and you'll still put crackers in your mouth and pretend to be a walrus." He remarked dodging the snowball that came his way.

He set my bags down on my front yard as he gathered his own army of cold fluff balls. I tackled him to the ground as we both drowned the silence in laughter, I traced my frosted mittens across his face. Gently crossing his lips as he brushed the snow chunks from my hair.

The close warmth of his breath against my face sent my heart into a frenzy, I secretly craved the closeness of him... But I never wanted to admit it in case I'd lose him.

His now glossed lips looked so kiss able, the way they pouted as he focused on my hair. And how they stretched into a warm smile that left a fuzzy feeling in my heart for years, made it only harder to stop myself from interlocking them with mine.

"I better get going bun bun. I'll see you tomorrow at school though." Jisung reassured, lightly booping my nose as he left his trail from my snowy front yard. Waving one last time to catch my attention as I was at the front door.

"Farewell loser!" He shouted, showing off that bright smile of his.

"Farewell to you as well, asshole!" I retorted, giggling as I walked into my empty house all alone.

November 28th 2020

Y/n pov

"Wake up! Time for bubble tea!" Yeji screamed, jumping on top of me as she consistently hit me with my own pillows.

"I thought we were meeting Jisung later." I sighed, looking at the red numbers of my alarm clock reading 7:30am.

"Yes we are, but I want bubble tea and to talk with you about some stuff I found out." Yeji replied, pulling me out of bed to soon push me into the washroom.

I complied to her excited energy, understanding it is pretty exciting for her.

The steaming water swallowed every inch of my skin, blocking out all of the noises outside. Only leaving me and the blank wall to stare at, droplets of water racing against each other. A flash of the mirror and sunlight clashing, sending the flash of a polaroid to my memories.

August 16th 2018

Yeji squealed as her boyfriend threw her into the pool, soon joining her in a large cannonball jump. All of his friends danced around with liquor drenching their breath, as their bodies clashed together in ways they didn't fully understand.

It wasn't my style of fun, it instead gave me a wave of fear and stress. Not recognizing any of these people, while they danced around half naked. Yeji's boyfriend decided that she had enough fun for one night, and took her home to rest.

I hurriedly gathered my belongings and rushed out the door, just as excited and horny shouts came from the pool. I was okay to walk home alone, it felt nice to be surrounded my silence for once. Even if my conscious tortured me about every bad possibility.

"Need a drive home party animal?" a familiar voice called from across the road, that voice of the man who has always had my back.

"I'd actually really like that." I replied, feeling a wave of comfort when I entered the car.

"I can tell your a bit freaked out." He sighed, throwing his bad into the backseat.

"That party was just... A lot. A lot more than I expected." I whimpered, still a bit overwhelmed from the experience.

"How about you stay at my place for the night. We'll even watch some American horror story..." Jisung suggested, even though he was shit terrified of anything remotely scary.

"I'm holding you to it quokka." I giggled, slapping his thigh teasingly.

We drove to his home as the car filled with a random playlist of songs, one landing on my favorite 'Turning Page'.

"I didn't know you liked this song." I commented, blushing softly at the tone of the song.

"I want this to be the song that represents me and my soulmate. It sounds cheesy, but it's true." He revealed, glancing my way as the car stopped in the from of his home.

The whole topic of soulmates use to be humorous to me, remembering when me and Han drew matching docks on our palms as 'our' symbol. Even taking a polaroid photo of the amazing art we drew, I still have it in my phone case.

Then it hit me, how much it would hurt to see him destined with someone other then me. That moment when he glanced back into my eyes with a shy smile, is when I admitted to myself for falling madly in love with my best friend.

November 28th 2020

I walked along the streets of our home town, hanging my mask off my chin when sipping my bubble tea.

"You know what's crazy." Yeji started, catching my focus immediately.

"I remember the moment you started crushing on Jisung. You didn't even have to tell me, I already knew." She admitted, gazing at me with only a soft warmth in her eyes.

"It was obvious by how many photos you had of him and you on your wall, and the way you looked at him as if he were your dream person." She continued, texting something on her phone that I couldn't quite see.

"Or how when he caught you staring he'd reply with 'take a picture it'll last longer'... And you always did to get revenge. I will never forget the day I saw you two as more then best friends, that was the same day when I bought you that polaroid camera for Christmas. " She replied, taking a short break as her hands nervously fidgeted with her skirt.

"That's why I want a 'thank you' later on." She mumbled, before running off and leaving me completely stunned on the bench.

"Y/n..."

September 14th 2018

"It's crazy that this is your last day here." I sighed, trying my best not to cry.

He nodded trying to smile the pain away like me, but soon caving in once his arms met my body. I nuzzled into the crook of his neck, hoping I could capture his scent one last time.

"I'll still visit. I can't cope without seeing your face, asshole." He chuckled lightly, sniffling quietly when he retracted his arms away.

He stared at my features for a few long seconds, as if he was contemplating on doing something. Jisung shook his head, smiling brightly once more as he pulled me into one last hug.

As he put his palm on the door knob, I shouted his name one last time. Running across the room towards him, he turned around immediately dropping his bangs on the ground.

He instantly knew what I was going to do, since his lips molded with mine without one ounce of hesitation. His hands lost in my hair, pulling me closer and closer until there was no space between us. Jisung's lips were so much sweeter and softer then any other kiss I've had.

The sweetness was sprinkled with the salty taste of our mixed tears. Only creating more as the kiss began to end, both of us realizing we should've told each other so much sooner.

"I love you." We both sighed at the same time, smiling sadly at the bittersweet sting in our hearts.

November 28th 2020

"Jisung..." I gasped, turning around quickly to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.

"W-wow... You've really. Wow." He stuttered, cautiously inching closer towards me.

"You too." I chuckled airily, swallowing back my tears. I missed him so much, but it hurt too much to see him at the same time.

"Y/n... I know it's been a while. But I honestly came here because I needed to see you. I still love you, and I don't care if we're soul mates or not. I'll sharpie our own symbol on us everyday if I have to." He revealed, grasping my hands between his own.

"I'm sorry that I was being so selfish." I sighed, caving into my own tears. Regretting my fears of seeing him again, feeling terrible for torturing him just as much as I tortured myself.

"We are both scared. It's not our fault, but I just want us to accept that things may not go our way. But that won't stop us from being together." He reassured, lightly brushing frosted his mitten across my features. Glossing over my lips gently, his eyes warm and gentle as they fluttered shut.

I molded into his kiss immediately, lacing my fingers through his silky hair. Soon pulling him closer to my so there was no space between us, making sure no one could try and ruin this moment for us.

His lips still were as sweet as the first time they molded into mine, and his fingertips could still make my legs give out by how gentle they were against my skin. Every emotion flashed through my mind, all my regrets, confidence, love, lust... It all flashed just like a...

"Polaroid." He gasped, tugging my palm next to his as the ink slowly traced the same picture into my palm. The picture of the camera that captured all the moments I treasured with my soulmate, the soulmate that was everything I could've asked for.

[lilallama]

(Sorry if I spell something wrongly lol) Idk, This is my opinion? Gryffindor, Jungkook. Hufflepuff, Taehyung & Yoongi. Ravenclaw, Namjoon & Jin. Slytherin, Jimin & Hobi??? I literally just searched the meaning of each house and just picked one based on the personality shown. Also, If you don't think this matches them, Sorry ;-;

[Don't worry, sweetie ^^. You don't have to apologise! 💕🍑]

Hoseok is a lot more two faced than I actually tend to show. The way he presents himself is mostly a mask. While he seems mostly calm on the outside, he's actually quite the opposite on the inside. Out of all the boys it'd be easiest for him to manipulate/influence Y/n (@bangtans-apollo Tae is quacking-) and he's aware of that. That's one of the reasons why they started the club 1. To protect Y/n, 2. The club concept came because it'd be easier to meet up and they would automatically get a clubroom and 3. Hoseok threatened to tell on them if they don't join, he'd make Y/n despise each one of them.

He is a strong leader (one of the Slytherin traits), I try to make him resourceful (but I am not myself so that might not shine through too much), he is definitely cunning. The whole ordeal with wanting to be with Y/n no matter what is pretty ambitious, I'd say. And lastly the traditionalism trait, he is very into tradition and has to keep his domestic fantasies with Y/n a secret. His parents raised him very traditional, he would hate it if (female) Y/n would ask him out first or would propose first and would at first frown upon his attention to (male or non binary) Y/n.

All in all Slytherin seems very accurate.

Now concerning Jimin; similar to Hoseok he too can be a two faced snake. He doesn't hide his true thoughts from Y/n or the boys, if anything he overshares sometimes (one time he started talking to Taehyung about some... rather inappropriate things concerning Y/n. That got his Y/n privilege taken away for a whole month). And despite practically pleading to be the "dumb bimbo" stereotype, he is surprisingly clever and intelligent. Before Highschool, before he made his first experiences with popular boys, he was a straight A's and B's student. Yet once he had his first boyfriend, he discovered that the people surrounding him typically preferred the dumb blondes. (He actually broke up with the captain of the football team for Y/n.)

He also sometimes displays ambitious, just in a whiney sort of way. Self preservation is definitely something. Unlike Taehyung, Yoongi, Namjoon or Jeongguk, he wouldn't let himself be killed for Y/n's sake. If Y/n were to be killed he would end up deluding himself into thinking a person who looks similar to them is them and would force Y/n's personality and style on them. Cunningness is 100% accurate. He's fake. He pretends to be a silly sweetheart who loves everyone but will spread rumours about you, blame things on you etc. and everyone believes him. His cunningness concerning Y/n is more whiney than anything.

So I do think Jimin fits Slytherin.

Namjoon was raised by strict parents who forbade him a tremendous amount of things and painted his world for him. It was engraved in his head, he was going to be the CEO of their company one day. Yet despite everything he still had a head of his own. Maye it was because if his high IQ that he understood that his parents weren't the only opinion in his life. Don't get me wrong, they still left him scarred (sadly literally, as his father once hit him bloody) and traumatised but not without a mind of his own. Ever since he was small creativity and originality was something he admired and loved. It was partly reason of why he fell for Y/n, their individuality, their mind, their heart, their soul.

We will not need to discuss intelligence, it's a trait he undoubtedly has. He is always willing to learn and showed interest in many different things before Y/n captured his focus. He is most likely one of the wisest members as he is aware of how twisted his love for them truly is (once again something I tend to fail at portraying) and tried to stop it when it started. But somehow that only made everything worse and by now he doesn't care anymore at all. When he was a child he used to be more openly curious than nowadays (as it caused him many punishments from his parents).

I feel that Namjoon would fit Ravenclaw.

Seokjin was spoiled all his life. His parents adored him, other kids adored him, everyone adored him. While he might've acted oblivious he knew that it's because of his money. Similar to Jimin, Seokjin changed when he entered high school. While he always was a pretty intelligent and well behaved student (still very arrogant though) he then became less concerned with studies and once made a teacher cry (that was before he met Y/n). He loves standing out as an individual, that includes making anyone change who crosses his path with the same outfit (not in school as they wear a school uniform. But outside, yes, he has that much power. Everyone knows Kim Seokjin).

As said before, Seokjin is far from stupid. He is a very intelligent individual but doesn't show the extent of his nolage. Instead aiming for a cool "Queen B" persona. He is witty with his comebacks (something I cannot write because I do not possess that superpower), he's quick with his words. He holds respect for people who are 60+ years old as he believes they've been through a lot in life already. These people have wisdom he could only gain by experience and that he respects (there is one very sweet lady that lives alone in a very big mansion a few streets away from his penthouse. He always visits her because he loves her genuine kindness. When he met Y/n she recently passed away and he saw a part of her in them).

Seokjin could qualify for a Ravenclaw.

Taehyung was raised by a very Christian family that he still cherishes very much. Because of their intense belief he was raised to worship. He never fell in love, so when Y/n crossed paths with his, he started showing love how he's used to it (Out of all the boys Taehyung is straight up insane. Something in his brain might be wired wrong, there is no explanation on why he likes them, on why he believed that's what love is because his parents treated him with normal, familiar love. So he is simply sick, there is no "saving" him. He's better of in a mental hospital). But he was always a very kind boy. Giving instead of taking, never wanting anything in return. Out of everyone, Taehyung was the one who welcomed new students and made tons of friends. But he grew out of it as his focus turned to art. He aimed to make his parents proud so he didn't have time for friends.

His loyalty is unlike any other. You could torture him half dead and he'd still forgive you, stay loyal to you, serve you. He is Y/n's servant. He works hard on improving his artistic abilities and also to maintain fairly good grades. For Y/n any labour he'd have to be put through would seem like a blessing. Another trait for Hufflepuff would be fairness and he surely is fair. As one of the least jealous members of the club he really only cares if Y/n's okay with what's happening or could get hurt (he always kets the other members have more privileges than he has because he believes it'd be not only greedy but prideful to want Y/n to hinself. He avoids any sin when it comes to Y/n, envy, wrath, pride, sloth, nothing will ever come near his modern day Jesus).

Taehyung definitely is a Hufflepuff.

If the boy who works two parttime jobs, to pay for rent, bills and food, cleans the shabby apartment by himself because his alcoholic mother is busy messing it up again, yet still treats his mother with kindness, only to be treated like trash by seven more powerful and successful guys in his school who all like the same person he does and still manages to maintain the position as intern and honour roll student at a prestigious school for roch people, isn't in Hufflepuff then I don't know what. This poor soul is incredibly sensitive and kind. He isn't judgemental (as he himself is used to people judging him). All round very sweet.

I think it's very clear that he's very diligent and hard working. He holds great passion for music and enjoys writing poetry, a very sensitive soul. Yoongi isn't someone to complain about something being unfair (cough cough Jimin cough cough) or try and steal Y/n away from them. His day dreams consist of imagining Y/n liking him back, but he is certain that would never happen (according to you guys, it seems a lot of you would pick Yoongi if you'd get to decide). Not only is Yoongi kind but loyal as well, he'd never imagine leaving anyone behind even his useless mother.

Yoongi is 1000% a Hufflepuff.

Jeongguk tends to be hot tempered, he goes from zero to a hundred in a matter of seconds. Everything in life seems like a challenge to prove he's better than others think (his father was a notorious serial killer who killed twenty one people yet got away with a ten year prison sentence and got released after six, ten months later Jeongguk was born). In truth he did not care for anyone else, only Y/n. So all tge chivalry he could muster was directed at them.

He is one brave guy who doesn't get easily scared (I guess living with as well as being a serial killer at sixteen years old desensitised him). Jeongguk is courageous just not in/for a positive way/purpose. He deluted himself into thinking that Y/n needs protection, HIS protection. He once attacked a teacher because they were helping Y/n with a question, that's very daring (more like stupid) just not in a good way. A (still not) more positive example of his daringness is when he wants to impress Y/n. He hung from a skyscraper for five minutes doing pullups, just to inpress them. One time he also jumped across his luxurious pool at home (and almost slipped, almost bashing his head in) just to prove that he can jump further than someone they talked about.

I could very much picture him as a Griffendor.

If you enjoyed reading my work, please consider reblogging it. Thank you for reading

[the-gateway-to-madness]

Uhhhh let's see if I can figure out the secrets?? (I can never tell when these things are rhetorical so if this comes off as condescending that's not my intent, I just like rambling about ✨️the process✨️ and also krel's face- I adore your artstyle too btw, it's so clean and soothing to look at, I don't think you need anyone's drawing advice- so)

this turned out really long oof

Um. I pay a lot of attention to shapes and general profiles? I look at a lot of still references and how the shapes of the characters' features appear at different angles, to familiarize myself with them regardless of lighting or anything else that might trick me into remembering the shapes wrong. (How many times can i say "shapes"?)

Even then i can't draw more than like 3 angles lol

For ocs, I look at the most similar canon character face shape, so I can figure out the closest canon stylization and edit it slightly.

I study the style of each franchise I create an oc for, too- defining characteristics, consistent aspects of the style (like facial proportions- the eyes in the ToA universe are much bigger and the features are simpler than, say, Rise of the Guardians), and I figure out where the oc fits into the style.

like, here's my attempt at Cara in the character model style for ToA:

(A.k.a. THE ONLY DRAWING I'VE EVER DONE WHERE I REMEMBER HER TRANSDUCTION BAND)

vs. Mahina, my ROTG oc, in a relatively (eh) similar-to-movie style

BUT WE'RE HERE FOR KREL (ALWAYS) SO LET'S BREAK HE DOWN

In human form, narrow face shape, slight protrusion of the cheekbone that slopes straight down into the jaw, rounded chin that follows the taper of the cheek shape and the jaw. His hair's pretty flat at the top and flares out into curls (or as close to curls as toa can afford, ha). Nose is smol, curves upward, v sharp

His eyes in both forms have a slight angularity that slopes down to the inner corner of the eye. It's less pronounced in human form, but still there.

AKIRIDION FORM LESGO

tbh he's just got an anime face lol

Sharp jawline, narrow chin. His eyebrows' shape curve slightly downward at the inner end:

see what I mean about the angular upper eye shape? Anyway- the coronation ridge on his forehead shifts shape with his expressions and I have a lot of fun with that

his upper torso is literally just a triangle. so much shoulder. (he's so stressed all the time someone please massage his shoulders. somehow)

(massaging the lower shoulders would be a nightmare to figure out. the muscle structure would be insane)

also yeah muscle structure! figure out where the features stop and the muscles start on a given character and u can draw them well

at this point i'm just talking about art to avoid my homework

@slightartist this one's got no bernie, my apologies for that, but as it's a sequel to the last piece it felt wrong not to include ye