#i don't think i did but i ofc believe i knew Of the song quite quickly. showing up Through will roland; don't remember first hearing mitb

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Winston in the Billions

(that not only did billions never write a moment like this, & would never have done so, but doesn't think such a moment would exist)

[sprinklrsplashes]

oceans and engines part ii | b.b

Summary: it's been 10 years since Dove and Bradley have seen each other and they find themselves running into each other in a bar somewhere in Hawaii. They both have everything that they had ever dreamed of but they still have unfinished business.

Pairing: Bradley Bradshaw x ofc (unnamed and referred to as Dove)

Genre/content warning: angst (I can't help myself, I love pain 🥲) but there is a happy ending, swearing

A/N: this has been sitting (unfinished) in my drafts for a while but I finally finished it over the past couple of days so here is part 2 to oceans and engines, which if you have not read part 1, you can find that right here). I hope you enjoy this and I may be back to do some more writing over the next couple of weeks/months depending on how much free time I have.

Bradley doesn't believe in fate or destiny. Every choice, every decision he has made has been calculated and thought through, consequences and all. None of it was down to fate but it sure feels like it seeing his Dove in a bar somewhere in Hawaii. He rubs his eyes and has to look twice because he can't quite believe his eyes, but there she was on that stage. Her hair was different, her skin was sunkissed from what he assumed was the Californian sun and her cheekbones more defined, but he couldn't mistake her singing voice or the glow she had when she performed. She was electric and she has always been. There's a part of him that makes him want to walk out because as much as it was good to see her, it also hurt a hell of a lot as well. 10 years had passed but it still sometimes felt as raw as it did when she left, and though he had forgiven her, he couldn't forget the unbearable pain he felt that morning he woke up to find her gone with nothing but a note. But he couldn't tear his eyes away from her and the way she moved up there with her band made him think that she made the right decision; he had everything he had ever dreamed of and so did she. He just didn't have her. 

"This last song was one of the first ever songs I wrote and recorded and maybe one of my most personal. I was 22, heartbroken and moving across the country alone. It was maybe the most terrifying but exhilarating thing I have ever done but I had to make some sacrifices. Sometimes the hardest part of loving someone is knowing when to let go. There's that saying: if you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't, well, then it wasn't meant to be. And I think I believe that. Maybe that's the hopeless romantic in me but I probably wouldn't be a musician if I wasn't, right? Anyways, thank you so much. You have been a pleasure. This last one's called Oceans and Engines." 

It's all a bit too much for him, seeing her here, hearing her sing about him. Over the years he had imagined what it'd be like to see his little Dove again and the things that he would say to her. In the beginning, all he wanted to do was yell at her and tell her that deciding to break up wasn't a decision for her to make (he would never do such a thing because he knew the moment he sees her lip quiver, he’d crumble completely and forget about the things that he was so mad about). But now, he just wants to tell her how proud he is of her. And despite everything, he still loves her. Honestly, he doesn't think he has ever stopped. Sure he had dated other women since, but none of them were her. 

He hears the door open and a group of drunk girls leaving the bar before it swings shut again, leaving him in peace. The sound of footsteps follows shortly before stopping. 

"I thought I saw you in the crowd there. I couldn't be sure though, sometimes I think I see you everywhere even when you're not really there," she laughs nervously and though he's not looking at her, he knows she's doing that thing where she plays with the ends of her hair when she's nervous. "Are you actually real or have I had far too many tequila shots and gone temporarily insane?" 

His breath hitches in his throat when her hand reaches out to squeeze his arm; images of nights spent with her delicate fingers gripping onto him as he made love to her all night long flashed in his head. He can’t think of her like that, not now when he wanted to be mad at her. It was unfair of Bradley to still hold this thing over her head but he needed to know how much it hurt him. He wrapped his hand around her wrist and took her hand off him. 

Her heart sinks and she can’t mask the flash of pain and betrayal in her eyes quick enough from Bradley but she knows she deserved that. She was the only one to blame for this fraught relationship between them. In another life, they could have been married by now. She thought about this often, what her life could have been if she didn’t pack up her bags to fulfil her hopes and dreams. Would she have been happier? That was the question that haunted her when she was staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night. Maybe she could have been, or they could have ended up like most college relationships — staying together when the relationship was way past the expiration date but neither one knows how to end it so eventually someone cheats, or they stick it out and get engaged because that’s what they think should happen and they end up in a lifeless marriage. That’s the answer that helps her move on from thinking about her could-have-been life with Bradley but deep down, she knew it would have probably been far from it. 

"You were good out there," Bradley breaks the awkward silence unable to bear the uncomfortable tension between them. "I'm glad you got everything you ever wanted." 

There's a slight bitterness in him that makes him want to ask Dove if it was worth it but he knew what the answer would be. It would be the same if she asked him the same question. Yes, a hundred times, yes. 

"Thanks. You look like you're doing well too," she notes as she studies him like she’s trying to remember every single aspect of him, even though she probably could draw Bradley from memory if she had to. Though he isn't in uniform, she noticed the dog tags peeking out of his horrendous Hawaiian shirt that he picked and she couldn't miss those arms straining against the flimsy fabric of his shirt. God, she couldn't stop thinking about the things they could do now. Taking her against the wall with his dog tags against his bare chest, his fingers digging into her hips hard enough to leave bruises the next day showing that she is his and only his. Such sinful things they could be doing but he hates her guts now so those fantasies will never come to fruition. 

"Yeah, I am." 

Her lips purse together as he sticks to answers that leave no form for further conversation and she can feel her eyes getting glassy. It's stupid and she knows she deserves this but after 10 years, she figured there wasn't any hard feelings between them and they had both moved on (though she never truly did). "I know I fucked up but that was 10 years ago. I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am so can you actually try to have some sort of conversation with me?" 

He can hear the slight tremble in her voice, the pleading in her voice that resembled the same as his whenever he heard himself begging her to stay in his dreams. It nearly makes him feel bad for the humourless laugh that escapes his lips. "You can't just expect me to act like you didn't just pack your bags in the middle of the night and just leave without saying a word. You shattered my heart, Dove. I loved you so much that it scared me more than anything; sometimes I think I would have given it all up just to be with you and that scares me but despite it all, I still wanted to be with you. There was a time I couldn't imagine a life without you by my side and sometimes I still can't even though it's been 10 years."

Silence falls between them as she begins to process his words, only to find that she can only cling to the last few. She doesn't even think Bradley's registered what has just come out of his mouth. "You still think about me?" she asks him looking up through her eyelashes, unable to look at him as she asks the question she needed to know the answer to. Her chest feels tight as she's holding her breath for his response.

Bradley cursed under his breath; she wasn't supposed to know that but now he's said it, he figures there’s no going back. "Yeah, I do," he admits as he runs his hand through his messy curls. 

Maybe it's the tequila running through her veins or the rush of knowing that Bradley still thought of her even now, but there's a streak of boldness that washes over her. It's something she had never been able to admit out loud (because doing so meant she had thrown away one of the best things in her life for nothing). "Same here. I don't think I've ever stopped. I think about you every time a plane flies across the sky, I think about you every time I see a piano, I think about you every time I hear Great Balls of Fire. It’s stupid but sometimes when I’m on tour, I’ll look up where the closest naval bases are and pray that we’ll cross paths. Sometimes I think leaving you was my biggest regret. I'm sorry for leaving the way I did. I'm sorry for everything." 

He can't help but crumble when her voice breaks at the end and reaches across to wipe the tears that have fallen down her cheeks. Suddenly it's like no time has passed and they're 20 years old again. Then she looks at him with those big doe eyes and he's falling in love with her all over again. There's that familiar flutter in his stomach, something he didn't think he'd feel again after she left and it's then that he decides that he can't let her get away, not for a second time.

Before he can even stop himself his lips are on hers, hot and desperate, fingers holding tight onto her waist like she's going to disappear any second. Not this time. He won't let her slip through his fingers again. She whimpers his name softly against his lips and he thinks that this must be what heaven feels like but she brings them crashing back to Earth. 

"Wait, wait, wait," her mouth is saying one thing but her hands are saying another as her fingers are tangled in his hair and she's sighing in his mouth. He pulls away from her lips and begins making his way to her neck. It had been years since they had been together but it was scary how easy it was to fall back into old routines. He still could note every spot that makes her weak in the knees, point out every scar, mole and freckle on her body. Hell, he probably knew her body better than his own. "Bradley, we can't." 

"Why not? What's stopping us?" 

"This, us, our careers. We have everything we've ever wanted. You and I both know that it's not going to work." She's stumbling over her words after that kiss. Being so close to Bradley makes it hard for her to think clearly. It's as if she can hear herself saying all these words but inside she's screaming at herself, begging not to push him away. 

He curses at her, his jaw tensed and his eyes harden. "Don't do this. Stop running away from me. I love you. Always have and always will. And I know you love me too, goddammit. You can deny it all you want but I know you, Dove. What are you so scared of?" His voice drops, eyes soften as he brushes her hair behind her ear and strokes her cheek. 

Her eyes dart across his face, never quite making eye contact. He'll see right through her if she looks into those eyes and she wants this to be easy. He knows her too well though and knows what she’s doing, "Look at me, please." 

She's unsure whether she's shaking because the beer jacket has now worn off and she's beginning to feel the evening breeze or because of her nerves. Bradley Bradshaw tended to have that effect on her. 

He whispers her name and repeats, "What are you so scared of? We can work through this together. Me and you as a team, like we were before." 

There's an urge to pull away now and run as far as she can, but she owes him this much. She figures she can't keep running away from Bradley. One thing that she loves and hates is his annoying persistence and she knew that one way or another he would have tracked her down and gotten her to crack. He was good like that. He knew her far too well. 

"That's what I'm scared of. I don't want you to put me in front of your dreams. I don't want to be the thing holding you back. I don't want to be the thing you'll resent in 20, 30 years when we're married with kids living in some lifeless suburb." 

His eyes shine even in the dim lighting of the parking lot, "You think about having kids with me?" 

In any other circumstance, she probably would have rolled her eyes and laughed. "Is that the only thing you took from what I said? Of course, I thought about that. At one point, I thought you were it for me and I couldn't imagine a life with anyone else. Sometimes I still can't." 

"Stop making decisions for me. Have you ever considered that maybe I want that kind of life that you just described? I want to have a family with you and grow old in some suburban home with a nice little picket fence and grass that is some unnatural shade of green. Yes, I love flying but I love you so much more and I'd rather die than spend another day not waking next to you." 

"Even so, I'm in LA and you're wherever you are now. We live different lives, it won't work." 

"San Diego. I've been stationed in San Diego for a few months now. Dove, honey, stop trying to make excuses for us. We can do it this time, I know we can but if you really don't want this, just look me in the eyes and say no." 

She can't do it. She chews on her lip as she gets lost in his warm eyes and sees a flash of fear but it doesn't last long. He's just as scared as she is, maybe even more. After all, it was her who left him heartbroken all these years so he had more to lose. For Bradley to put his pride aside and pour his heart out to her when she stomped on his 10 years ago was possibly one of the bravest things he had ever done and the man flies fighter jets for a living. 

After what felt like an eternity, she finally replies, "Okay." 

"Okay?" 

"Yeah, okay. I can move to San Diego with you, to be honest, maybe it's for the best because my rent in LA is painful. I'm a musician so really, I can make music anywhere and I can always travel to LA for business meetings or whatever, so okay." 

He laughs under his breath as she talks herself through the logistics of moving her life from LA to San Diego. It was these little things that he had missed and loved about Dove. "Who said anything about moving in with me?" 

Her cheeks flushed red as she stuttered but then she saw the corner of his mouth quirk up in that annoying way that told her he was just teasing. "You're such an asshole." 

"Ah, you've missed me really." 

"Every single day." 

"Same here." 

"Take me home, Lieutenant Bradshaw?" 

"Gladly." 

[bisluthq]

I agree with you and that’s why I think Trav is so good for her. He loves Taylor Swift™️ and did before he knew her as a person but seems crazy into the girl underneath too.

Let me disagree with you here. None of her boyfriends or even us know the full extent of Taylor Swift™️ until they really her in a circle.

Travis loved Taylor the singer, Taylor the superstar just like millions of people do too. That's why swifties liked him right away. He acted like them, like a fan (even though I don't think he was a super fan and knows the deep cuts. Probably only liked the pop songs on the radio).

If Taylor's boyfriends knew the full extent of Taylor Swift™️ I doubt half of them would have touched her with a finger because most seem to actively not like it. And that seems the issue too, when they are in deep of Taylor Swift™️ it's probably too much.

Again, we have just an idea and from an outside perspective we can already see it can't be easy. I can't imagine how much more there must be behind the scenes. Travis for now atleast, seems to be adjusting and ok with that better than most because he quite clearly is a bit of a fame/attention seeker himself (as is his family too).

He wants to be famous, so as of now he seems to love all the Hollywood life. I even remember how everyone loved that he seemed to be shading Joe when someone asked him about the attention and he was like well she deals with it so I better not back down and make it weird

I can't comment much on Taylor the person cause idk her myself and I think Taylor the person gets mixed in and run over by Taylor Swift™️ at times. I also don't know their dynamic. Ofc by now he has seen what she's like when cameras are off and relaxing at home. Is that side as appealing to him as everything else? idk I'm guessing he likes her enough at the very least. And since Taylor always says the previous guy saw the real her like nobody else until a new one comes along and the narrative changes, we'll never really know who "liked the real her". I mean that seemed to be Joe's thing right? He liked her for her, he saw her and understood her without all the Taylor Swift™️ mask. She now probably frames it as no he didn't understand her because he couldn't see she was dying or understand she needed the whole sparkle and PDA back.

And that's probably the angle she's going to go now, Travis easily understands her wanting to shine and kiss in front of everyone and stuff because she wants to normal or something. I would bet a candy bar that's the angle cause Taylor can be very predictable. Ofc swifties eat it up every single time, that's why it works. She's a master at changing the narrative and making all of her relationships seem like meant to be until they end and they all turn into the worst people. Then the next one comes along and the cycle starts all over again. Taylor could convince us a convicted murderer is the love of her life and make us root for them

I liked this until the end because idk man that’s what she believes and as I’ve said before it’d be weird if she didn’t genuinely think she likes her next serious bf more than the last? That’d be weird? Then she should be single fr or at minimum be casual like after Jake. If she’s got a serious bf obviously she thinks he’s the best. Her personality also means when she gets to the end she is often very over it but re Joe she’s never ever called him the worst and I don’t think she thinks he is. She just thinks it didn’t work out and she wasn’t happy anymore so she ended it. Swifties *expected* to hear how he’s the worst but that’s really not what she said at all??? She also didn’t please Joe Widows and mourn him as the love of her life because that relationship was half dead and she killed what remained by ending it. The weird thing is the Matty into Travis of it all. The rest I’m gonna defend her for.

and yeah Trav didn’t fully know what it’d be like but it seems like he’s on board with it and as you say, he likes the attention.

[oceanspray5]

Been obsessed with Beth Crowley's Midnight for Kaider but another song I have on loop atm is Porter Robinson's Everything Goes On. I don't even play LoL and barely know what Star Guardian is but I'd be lying if the story between Xayah and Rakan didn't have me intrigued. So now ofc it has me thinking of a Kaider AU along those lines. Not exactly sure how it'd work but maybe:

Channary gets to live a few extra years. Manages to get a marriage alliance proposition agreed to with King Rikan and hence Kaider grow up visiting each other on Earth and Luna more or less ala @impossiblesuitcase's fic.

Except Channary does die eventually and Cinder isn't old enough for the throne yet so Levana steps in. For this to work maybe the throne passes on to the heir on their 18-21st birthday?

Everyone thinks Levana killed Channary (she didn't) but everyone knows she's going to kill Cinder. Her days are numbered and she knows it despite Kai's vehement denial. I imagine they'd be around 14-16 here?

Except Cinder does end up "dead" in a fire. In a more plot heavy version of the headcanon, perhaps Levana implies Earthens brought the matches and killed Cinder and vows to "avenge" her neice unless she gets reparations. But even if we avoid this whole plotline, Levana does try and pass it off as Cinder dying in a fire.

Earth and Luna mourn and Kai is inconsolable except he refuses to believe he's dead. He grabs on to the slightest sliver of a rumor and holds on to it like its his lifeline. He throws himself into investigating it, discreetly when eventually Torin and his dad and the royal therapist force him to put an end to it.

In this version Cinder doesn't end up in a healing stasis for quite as long. Perhaps a year or two at most. When she wakes up, shes a cyborg and has immense memory loss from the trauma. Garan adopts her, gets Letumosis and dies. Adri and Pearl are their witchy selves. Peony and Iko remain angels.

So you have the setup:

Prince Kai of the Eastern Commonwealth sneaking into New Beijing because Nainsi broke right before he had the conclusive proof he needed to show his dad and Torin that his Selene was alive. At this point everyone in the Commonwealth seems to think Kai is in a deep grief he'll never recover from and atp everyone's wondering if Prince Kai will ever find himself a bride now that he's 20 and still hung up on his childhood love. Its that pity and condescention that only infuriates Kai more so he keeps searching.

He ends up at the budding yet already renowned mechanic Linh Cinder's booth. Kai sees her and does a double take, afraid he's seen a ghost. He could cry because if he's not mistaken, the girl in front of him is his Selene. Except Selene doesn't recognize him. Doesn't know who he is besides the Crown Prince despite his extremely efficient disguise comprising of one inconspicuous hoodie.

She's so different now too. Her fine silks and once shiny hair is now replaced with cargo pants and a grease stained shirt, her hair dull in its luster and sheen now. She has a grease splotch on her forehead that Kai yearns to wipe from her brow but restrains himself. She's just as beautiful as the day he lost her, maybe even more so. But a doubt does creep in for a second...

Maybe he has it all wrong. Maybe she's just a doppleganger. How and why would Selene even be working as a mechanic in the Beijing market instead of coming to him for help or telling the world she's alive? How did she survive the fire even though in his heart he always knew she did. He needs some proof for this too. It's a testament to how not insane he is from his grief at losing the love of his life that he restrains himself from bursting from all these questions and overwhelming her with his grief and affection. Take that Dad! Take that Torin and Royal Therapist!

So Kai swallows down his words and the lump in his throat and the urge to burst into tears and tells Cinder what's wrong with Nainsi and asks her how long it'll take for the problem to be fixed. In that brief interval Kai manages to count at least 10 different ticks that endeared Selene to him. He's memorized every single one since they were kids. He knows this is his missing princess.

He doesn't know why Selene doesn't remember him and it is soul-crushing to know she's right in front of him but he can't do anything about it. He needs to get her to remember or at least gain her trust and friendship long enough that he can break the news of her origins to her gently. Her memory loss runs deep and he doesn't want to freak her out even if that would be the fastest way to laying it all out in the open. But Kai is tactful and shows restraint.

Instead, he ends up showing up to her booth regularly to jog her memory and tries to aski her out repeatedly to the Annual Peace Ball. He hopes if she shows up then it'll help her remember the countless times they spent together at them. Maybe he could sneak her away and show her her old room which Kai had insisted be kept exactly as it was left before she "died". He can't help some affection slipping past the cracks like the fond way he looks at her and the smile he's only ever saved for her.

In summary: if he thought this would freak Cinder out less... He failed.

But Cinder does keep getting random bursts of memories. Sometimes through nightmares. Sometimes through dreams of another life. Of a rather insane mother who doted on her and a charming boy who's love shone in his eyes and gentle touch. She doesn't understand why he looks like Kai and keeps dismissing it as fantasies she's always longed for combined with the exhaustion of Adri's chores. Kai would never like her if he knew she was a cyborg. She has no intention of getting her hopes up.

So Kai keeps wooing Cinder and Cinder keeps unintentionally suppressing her memories or dismissing them, certain Kai's rambling stories about his childhood with the deceased Lunar princess Selene are affecting her sleep.

Now eventually when Cinder gets her memories back it could go one of two ways:

She tells him because it's Kai and her heart bursts with love at how intensely he held on to the trust that she's alive and kept trying to revive her memories.

OR (and my personal favorite cuz angst)

She has the same feelings as in option 1 but is too scared that she'll put him in danger knowing what Levana did to her but also more than that, she's internalized Adri's words so much and the way society treats cyborgs that she's certain Kai would never love her now that she's no longer fully human and has even seemed to have lost her Lunar glamour that may have been able to hide the imperfection of her extremities otherwise that would have made her tolerable to Kai after her little accident in the fire.

So Kai continues to woo his lost princess turned mechanic, more in love with her than ever, new quirks and imperfections and all while Cinder has a daily meltdown about how badly she wants to kiss Kai but also about how badly that would end once he finds out what she's become.

In this AU, Rikan does not die cuz I need Kai stress free so he can continue his shenanigans. Peony also does not die because the only angst we need is Cinder being overly critical of herself and Kai's pained longing to have the love of his life back.

Idk how the rest of the Rampion crew would play into this cuz admittedly I just wanted an angsty Kaider situation where Kai has to save Cinder from herself like Xayah has to for Rakan in the Everything Goes On MV.

Any further suggestions for this AU welcome! Also if someone wants to write it then be my guest and do tag me cuz I am in too much of a writing slump these days to do so myself.

[leirsulien-archive]

for my baby alexis: 6, 8, 25, 35, 38, 45, and 47

thank you <3 <3

6. how have they changed in the last year? how about the last five years?

last five years: the last 5 years have definitely been the hardest of her life. at the start of them she had been the happiest she's ever been and thought things were finally starting to look up :) she was in a very happy relationship and had actually started going to therapy (after a lot of encouragement from her fiancee) to work on her ~issues~/herself. but ofc that bliss couldn't last bc she's my poorest littlest wettest meow meow and i don't allow her to be happy for more than 5 minutes at a time <3 .....her fiancee died and completely grief striken alexis hit rock bottom with her self destructive behavior at it's peak which amplified all her previous issues. since then she has actually made a lot of progress (though someone meeting her now for the first time would probably find that hard to believe) she's still incredibly closed off and struggles on a daily basis but she is trying her hardest to continue to crawl out of the pit she had fallen into and to not fall back down again

last year (going back from start of b3): meeting unit bravo and finding out about the supernatural has also changed her quite a bit, in some parts for the better...in others very much not. on the one hand there's the murphy trauma and having her entire world turned upside down which definitely led to a whole new set of issues. but on the other hand unit bravo has her slowly opening up again + seemingly overcoming her commitment issues with nate (though not really....)

8. what songs remind you of them? if there are specific lyrics or movements, list ‘em!

self sabotage by ruelle

if it feels too good to be true / than it probably is // I built these walls so tall pretending I am strong / but really I'm just fragile / I wanna keep you close enough / but far enough away for me to handle / just when I think that the monster is tamed / I hear it whisper "you haven't changed" / at the end of the day, there is no one to blame but me // I wanna change, believe me / the deeper we go, the farther I run / don't wanna be who I've become

control by zoe wees

even when I know it's been forever I can still feel the spin / hurts when I remember and I never wanna feel it again // I don't wanna lose control / nothing I can do anymore / tryin' every day when I hold my breath / spinnin' out in space pressing on my chest // sometimes I still think it's coming but I know it's not / tryin' to breathe in and then out but the air gets caught / 'cause even though I'm older now and I know how to shake off the past

shallow by carys selvey

I walk around everyday / with my head above the darkness / the storm below / I just can't face it // you say I don't care at all / but if you only knew / at night all the sleep I lose / over what I can't change // I need to think shallow thoughts / so that I don't fall too deep / in water I can't tame / 'cos that's the only way I know / how to stay breathing / and keep myself from feeling / every single blow that comes my way

giver by k.flay

I fell in love and then fell out / and I don't know if I can take the hit / I let a stranger in my bed / I pretended you were him / 'cause I needed to feel wanted / I gotta / oh, I gotta find another way // I'm learning to live / I'm trying to be better / I'm learning to give / but I don't know if I'm a giver // every day's another shot / but all I do is fuck it up // I got so much soul in my body / but no one keeping me honest / and whole days turn into holes in my mind

25. who is their best friend?

tina! they're childhood best friends who have spend most of their lives at eachothers sides. tina is the person who knows her best and really the only one who had been there for her the entire time. she has helped her through a lot of things like what's mentioned in 6.

35. when did they feel loneliest?

right after her fiancee had died. she had actually been so desperate that she called rebecca (their relationship had already been pretty bad at that time) who didn't answer, probably bc of work :)

38. do they see themselves as an important part of their party?

not really. she's very much a lone wolf, though she actually does enjoy working in a team with unit bravo a lot, but it definitely takes some getting used to. in the past she has always tried to emotionally distance herself from the people around her as much as possible and sees herself more as a liability for the people close to her. when it comes to the professional aspects she believes she works best on her own and hence thinks that she does not really contribute a lot to the team

45. what lies do they tell themselves?

asjdjfjjf plenty, way too many to list here, the better question would be about what she's honest to herself...

the lies she most frequently tells herself lately are about how she's doing (she's doing fine), her feelings for adam (what feelings) and her relationship with rebecca (she's totally indifferent to her :))

47. what could they talk about for hours on end?

hmm I'm not sure she'd talk to anyone long enough for that lol but she could definitely complain about adam for a good amount of time

[ASK GAME]

[msmarvelouswinchester]

No Strings Attached

Summary - Some words are better remained unspoken but not always. Sometimes it better to just confess.

Pairing - Jensen x Reader, past Jensen x OFC Sarah

Warning - Fluff, angst-ish, secret relationship, smut (18+), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), oral sex (female receiving), swearing, insecurities, mentions of betrayal.

Word Count - 3178

Square Filled - Rockstar!Jensen ( @spndeanbingo ); Confessions ( @anyfandomgoesbingo )

A/N - This is written for my challenge "Chan's 500 followers challenge".

Request by @deanwanddamons - Hey hon! Huge congratulations on 500 followers! You deserve it 💞 Could you write ‘3. How was I such an idiot, to believe that you, out of all people, could ever love me?’ Jensen and Y/N 😘 (Hope you like it and sorry it got so long)

Beta'd by the lovely @miss-nerd95​ (she is such a sweetheart! Thank you so much)

The beautiful spn dividers by @talesmaniac89

I love the Ackles fam, but for the sake of this fic, Jensen is single and was never married to Danneel.

Your eyes were focused on the man on stage, heart beating loudly as you watched his every movement the way his thick fingers were wrapped around the mic, that little smirk on his face as he sang along to the Eric Church’s song. Your head full of thoughts about what his fingers and mouth could do to you.

“Damn you, really turn me on, paintin' your toenails pink.” He sent you a sideway glance, giving you a knowing smile as he sang the lines. His tongue peeked out of his mouth as it swept over his lips, his action so casual yet it sent the audience into a frenzy. The song enriched by his voice was enough to make you squirm and the memories from last night were not helping you at all.

You should have seen this coming ever since the moment you had stepped into the green room that day, right before the Saturday Night Live. You had smirked to yourself when you saw Jensen's eyes slightly widening at the sight of you in the tight little skirt that you had paired with a see-through button down and matching bra, as you had walked up to him with a glass of wine in your hand.

A blush had crept up your neck when you had felt his eyes all over your body. You had taken a seat right beside him, just to rile him up a bit more. You knew he couldn't even kiss you because no one in the cast knew about your hidden rendezvous. You had furtively glanced at the actor beside you. With one brow raised slightly, Jensen was staring right at you.

“You want to go out there?” You jumped at Richard’s voice, pulling you out from your sinful thoughts. “I know you can sing.”

“You sure? Jensen has set the stage on fire. I don't think I have enough fuel to match that level.” You chuckled, looking out towards the stage as the said man wrapped an arm around Rob’s shoulder, jamming out to the music of the guitar. You hadn't even noticed when he had switched to another song because you were too busy staring at how his biceps flexed under his black shirt with every small movement of his arm. A puff of air left your mouth as he hit a high note in the song.

“Trust me, he will definitely not mind.” Richard winked.

“Um-thanks Speight, but I'd rather stay here and enjoy the show.” You politely declined Richard’s request. Tonight, the stage was a dangerous arena.

You took in a sharp breath as the last notes of the song strung in the air, the crowd erupting into a loud cheer as Rob struck the last chord on his guitar. “Thank you!” Jensen gave a dramatic bow, waving his hands in the air as he was exiting the stage which caused an uproar in the room. Handing over the mic to Rob, the actor left the stage.

“Enjoyed the show, sweetheart?” A smug smile tugged on his lips as he stalked towards you, the look on his face making you go weak in the knees.

“You put on quite a show out there.” You said, placing a hand on his chest.

“What can I say? I am a good performer. There is nothing better than seeing the audience satisfied,” Jensen replied and leaned towards you, bringing his mouth near your ear. “And then leave them begging for more.” Your heart was beating wildly making you gasp as his teeth grazed past your earlobe, a shiver running down your body to your core.

“Jackles!” Jared’s booming voice made you two jump apart. “We are going out for drinks, wanna join?”

“Yeah! Go ahead, I'll...uh-catch up. Y/N’s coming with me too.”

“Uh-okay!” Jared hesitated a bit before he rejoined the awfully jolly group of actors, making their way towards the bar a few blocks away from the convention.

“Ackles, anyone caught your eye yet?” Jared questioned his tv brother, which piqued your interest.

“So, I'm picking up random girls from the bar now to get my dick wet? Jare-” Jensen looked at his best friend with a look of pure disgust in his eyes.

“Jensen, that's not what I-”

“Now, don't start with your relationship crap. You know I don't do relationships anymore.” It wasn't like you didn't expect him to say this, but deep down it still hurt to hear him say that there was no one special in his life. You tuned out the rest of his words as you reminisced about your first night together.

The relationship between you and Jensen was complicated. A few months ago, you had hooked up in his Vancouver apartment after a drunken night and that had started the whole friends with benefit thing. No one knew that you two were sleeping together. It was something you two had decided to keep between yourselves because it wasn't like you were in a relationship, you two just fucked to relieve some tension. Or so you thought. You didn't even realise when you had fallen head over heels for the man but you had managed to keep your mouth shut.

Your eyes roamed around the room until it landed on Jensen to see him staring intently at you. An involuntary shiver ran down your body under his strong gaze. You left your seat and went to sit beside him at which he was taken by surprise.

“Miss me already?” He smirked, an eyebrow raised at you.

“Don’t shave.” You said.

“That doesn't answer my que-” the words got stuck in his throat as you placed your hand on his thigh. Jensen stiffened under your touch but thankfully the action went unnoticed by everyone else.

“What d'you think you're doin’?” He asked, his southern accent slipping through.

“Nothing.” You smirked as you hand travelled upwards towards his crotch but no one could see your little teasing session underneath the table. Jensen swallowed thickly as he fidgeted in his seat, trying to adjust his pants and to remove your hand but you were adamant. You coyly palmed his growing excitement as he sucked in a breath.

“Don't challenge me, Y/N/N.” He growled into your ear, your own panties were now ruined. “I can take you right here, right now. You want me to do that, to teach you a lesson for being a bad girl?”

“Where's your self control, Ackles?” You mocked.

Without answering your question, he suddenly stood up. “Y/N’s not feeling so hot. I think it's best if she goes back to the hotel.” Jensen told the cast. You licked your lips when you saw his dominant side jumping out.

“What ‘bout ya?” Jared drunkenly asked.

“She is in the room right beside me and it's too late. I'm going back to the hotel with her. I'm just being a gentleman.” Jensen said, trying to sound as convincing as possible. Everyone said their goodbyes and if anyone suspected anything, they didn't speak up.

A few minutes after leaving the bar, Clif pulled up in front of the bar. You and Jensen slipped into the backseat. That fifteen minutes drive felt like the longest time you had ever been in a car. The tension was so thick between, it could have been cut with a knife. Jensen did his best to restrain himself, so much so he barely looked at you because even Clif wasn't in on your little secret and you wanted to keep it that way.

You had barely closed the door before you felt Jensen’s hands all over your body. He abandoned his leather jacket before pushing you against the wall.

“I wanted to rip off your clothes the moment you walked into the room.” He murmured as he pinned you to the wall, kissing you roughly. “Do you have any idea how hard you made me tonight? Huh?” He breathed into the skin of your neck, making you whimper.

“Jay-uh, you were a t-tease as well. You sang that song tonight o-on purpose.” You breathed out. A gasp left your lips when Jensen hungrily ripped off your shirt and skirt leaving you in nothing but your bra and panties. You hooked your legs behind his back as he effortlessly picked you up and took you to the bed, putting you down before he climbed on top of you. Impatiently, you tugged at the hem of his t-shirt at which Jensen smirked and pulled the shirt over his head before throwing it on the floor. You took in the perfectly toned muscles of his chest and stomach like you were seeing him naked for the very first time, which of course wasn't, when he put a finger under your chin, making you look up at him.

“Like what you see?” He smirked as your hands travelled up to feel his hard pecs. Jensen grabbed your hand and moved them away from his chest as he leaned down to leave a trail of kisses down your body. You shuddered when his mouth found the sweet spot on your neck. He swiftly removed your bra, leaving only in your lacy panties. “You are so beautiful.” He murmured as he took in your naked form.

There wasn't a single part of your body that he didn't touch. His hands travelled all over your body, squeezing and pinching your skin as they moved until finally stopped on your breasts, kneading and massaging them.

“Jay-” you moaned as he continued to nibble at your sensitive skin. His mouth left your neck before latching onto your right nipple, his tongue flicking the bud making you cry out his name. “Oh fuck,” you whimpered as his fingers worked on your other nipple. You could feel him smirking before his mouth released you from its assault, pressing a kiss on the valley of your chest before moving south.

“Fuck baby, you're so wet. Where's your self control?” Jensen grunted when his hand brushed your damp panties before making a quick job of pulling them off you. He left kisses along the inside of both your thighs before you felt his hot breath fanning against where you needed him the most. He pressed a kiss on your aching pussy as you moaned for the hundredth time that night.

“Mhm, you always taste so good.” He growled against your pussy, the vibration of his voice making you shiver in anticipation. He started licking your clit slowly but then he picked up his pace as his tongue worked overtime. Your hands moved downwards, your fingers entangling with his hair. Jensen’s scruff scratched against your thigh, giving you a sweet, burning sensation which you knew would stay as a reminder of his unholy ministrations. His mouth and tongue continued to give you pleasure as the latter went in deep, hungrily eating you out.

“Fuck Jensen!” You exclaimed when you felt the pressure build up. You pulled at his scalp, making him groan against your pussy before he put a finger in you, at which you whimpered. He pumped in twice before adding another, successfully stretching you open.

“Shit!” Your back arched with pleasure as his fingers curled inside you, hitting your g-spot repeatedly. The coil inside you tightened as he kept pumping his fingers.

“Fuck! Fuck Jay!” You mewled as you came on his fingers. He pulled out his fingers, licking them clean, while you tried to steady your breathing. Giving you a quick kiss, he pulled down his pants along with his boxers, his hardened length making you lick your lips at the sight. He took his cock and ran his hand up and down the shaft, the tip of his cock beaded with precum.

“Jensen.” You croaked.

“Tell me what you want, sweetheart.” His deep voice growled as he sat there in all his naked glory.

“I-hm, I want you inside me.” Jensen quickly obliged as he lined himself with your entrance. Your mouth both sucked in a breath when he slipped his cock into you.

“You need to move.” He almost pulled out, leaving only his tip inside you before pushing all of him back in again. You buckled up your hips to match with his thrusts, making him groan. Your pussy clenched around him as the knot in your stomach tightened once again.

“Fuck Y/N!” He growled as his thrusts started to become sloppy.

“I am gonna-Jay!” your back arched as the coil in your stomach snapped and you felt yourself coming undone for the second time that night. Jensen thrusted a few more times before he spilled his seed inside you, coating your walls. “Shit Y/N!” He panted as he dropped his head into the crook of your neck. Pressing his lips on yours, he pulled out of you and rolled over, both of you panting hard, as you came down from your high before he got up to get a piece of cloth to clean you both up.

You were lying in his arms, basking in the post-coital bliss, both of you still in an euphoric state when those fateful words were muttered. “I think I'm in love with you.” The sentence slipped out before you could have stopped yourself and that's when you felt him beside you stiffen up.

“I thought we agreed this thing to be no-strings attached.” He said, his voice hard as rock as he spat the words out, making you wince at the sheer intensity of disgust in those ten little words.

“I-I thought, I'm sorry. I know what I got myself into,” you scoffed, “How was I such an idiot, to believe that you, out of all people, could ever love me?” You left the soft hotel bed, wrapping yourself with the white sheet to cover your modesty and self-respect or what was left of it.

“Where are you going?” Jensen asked as he watched you pick up the pieces of your clothing strewn about the room, putting them back on as you tried to swallow the lump in your throat.

‘Was that concern in his voice?’ You wondered but you decided not to voice your thoughts instead you retorted, “No-strings attached, remember? I am going back to my room.” And that was the last thing you said before you left hurriedly.

Closing the door behind you, you burst into tears. You almost ran back into your room because you didn't want to be seen by anyone and read some nasty headline on the celebrity gossip page the next day.

You didn't know how long you cried, lying there in your bed as you blamed yourself for completely messing up a good relationship. Wait, why were you even calling your arrangement a relationship?

That man didn't do relationships. How could you be so stupid to say those words to him? Maybe deep down inside, you had hoped that Jensen felt the same about you but after tonight all your hopes had been turned to dust. You laid motionless in your bed with tears streaming down your cheeks until two short knocks on your door interrupted your pity party.

A sense of fear seeped into you. Did someone see you in the hallway? You wondered. Gathering up a bit of courage you opened the door to find the man you least expected to show up on the other side.

“Wha-” Jensen barged into the room, closing the door behind him.

“Sarah, my last girlfriend she-I loved her, God did I love her but she took advantage and stabbed me in the back, left me there in the pool of my own blood.” He let out a shaky breath.

You still remembered that night in the trailer clearly. You and Jensen were still getting to know each other and you had never seen him have a breakdown like that. Sarah had used Jensen's name to get further in the industry and used his money but then she had owned up to never loving him and cheating on him with another man. Thomas was sick so Jared had to leave immediately while you had stayed with him that night in the trailer because you knew if you left him alone, he would have drowned himself in alcohol.

“I swore off dating, then you came along. After our first night in my Vancouver apartment, I didn't want to let you go. You were also healing from your last breakup and we both needed something to release the tension so I asked you to be my friend with benefits.”

“Jay-”

“Let me complete because I owe you an explanation and I'm here to give you one. All this time I was thinking that my feelings towards you were not romantic because I was scared to fall in love again until tonight when I watched you storm out of my room. I realised that I was lying to everyone including myself and I don't think I can live with that. ” You searched his face to find any sort of pity or a lie but all you saw were eyes filled with adoration for you. “Now I know I'm an idiot and I have royally fucked everything up but I think I'm ready to take a leap and I don’t want anyone but you by my side.”

You didn't even know when you had started crying. Jensen came closer to you, cupping your face, he whispered, “I want you, all strings attached.”

“Am I really the person you want?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” A look of confusion descended on his face.

“Okay. I can give us a chance but I need you to be all in. I want you with all your strings attached as well.” You said, your lips curling up to form a soft smile.

“I am all in.” He said and leaned in, capturing your lips with his. Your one hand moved to the back of his neck and another gripped his bicep to ground yourself. It was a soft kiss filled with love and new promises.

“I do have one condition.” You said after breaking the kiss.

“I agree.” Jensen said, pecking your lips.

“You didn't even hear it.”

“I don't have to. I agree with it.” He smiled.

“Well then, no sex for one month.” You smirked as you Jensen's mouth fell open.

“One month?”

“You already agreed to it.” You giggled when he pouted at you. “Oh don't make that face. You have two hands, use them.”

“What about kissing?”

“I think I can allow kissing.” You chuckled making him sigh in relief.

“I love you and I'm a dumbass for not realising it before.” Your heart swelled in your chest as you heard him say those words back. “And I think Jared is going to earn some betting money in the morning when we walk into the room hand in hand.”

“We are telling everyone about us? So no secret meetings?”

“No secret meetings. I will shout it from the rooftops that you're mine because like I told you, I want you with all the strings attached.”

Feedback is highly appreciated!

[fruitquake]

listen. idk what your headcanons for reg are,,, but,,,, aroace reg coming out to sirius?? brotherly feels??? if you don't vibe with that just bless me with those two brothers, i need to see them hug

mate, i literally love this prompt. here, i hope you like this and that it gives u all the black brother feels <3

hope it’s okay i made this a muggle au, they’re just what i do best lol

(also: at first sirius is quite ignorant but pls read the whole thing before judging)

-

Regulus’ heart was beating like a hummingbird’s as he raised his hand and knocked on the door to his brother's room. 

“What do you want?”

Sirius no doubt knew it was him. Their parents never knocked.

Regulus opened the door, struggling to control his breathing. “Uhm… Sirius?”

Sirius was sitting on his bed, laptop in front of him. He rolled his eyes when Regulus entered. 

“Hang on, guys,” he said to the computer screen. Regulus recognized the faces on the screen as Sirius’ friends: James, Remus, and Peter. He took out his headphones and finally looked at Regulus. “This better be important.”

“It is!” Regulus said. It was important. If Sirius knew how much courage it had taken to come in there in the first place, a kind of courage he likely wouldn’t be able to muster again, he would understand the importance. “Please, there’s something I need to tell you.” 

Sirius sighed, turning towards his computer again. For a moment, Regulus thought he was being given the cold shoulder, but then Sirius said to his friends: “Gotta go.”

He hung up and closed the computer, then looked back at Regulus, eyes softening as he noticed how nervous he was. “Everything alright, Reg?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Regulus answered in a shaky voice. Why was he so nervous? Surely, he didn’t have to worry about Sirius not accepting him, when Sirius himself understood what it was like to be… different. 

Sirius himself hadn’t gotten the luxury of coming out on his own terms. Regulus had found out about him and Remus last summer, despite Sirius’ attempts at hiding their relationship. At first, it had been difficult to look at his brother the same: Their parents’ bigoted views had gotten to him, however much he tried to deny it. But over the course of the year, he’d gotten so much better, and then… Well, he’d started to realize he wasn’t “normal”, as their parents put it, either. 

He’d thought he was gay at first. It was the only other option he knew and if he didn’t fancy girls, he had to be gay right? He’d ignored the fact that he didn’t fancy guys either, constantly telling himself that it would come eventually. But then he’d discovered the term “Aromantic”, and everything had made sense. 

“Come on, Reg,” Sirius said, gesturing for him to sit down on the bed. “Tell me what’s up.”

Regulus sat next to him. He wasn’t scared to tell Sirius anymore. He was ready. “I'm asexual,” he told him. “And aromantic.” 

The blank look in Sirius’ eyes was hard to read. “Sorry, what’s that?” he asked after a moment. 

“Well,” Regulus said. “You like boys. Some people like girls, and some again like both…”

“Very well observed, Reg.”

“And I,” Regulus told him. “I don’t like anyone. At least not in that way.”

Sirius stared for a moment, then he shook his head. “That’s not a thing,” he said. “You can’t just not like anyone.”

“No, it is a real-”

“Maybe you’re gay,” Sirius interrupted him. “Trust me, at first I was confused, too, as to why I didn’t like girls.” 

Regulus wanted to cry. His own brother didn’t believe him. “I’m not gay,” he said. 

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay!”

“That’s not what I’m saying!” 

Sirius was taken aback by the sudden raise of Regulus’ voice. He’d tried to hold the tears back but there they were, pooling up in his eyes and slowly rolling down his cheeks. 

He managed to catch Sirius’ shocked expression before turning around to leave. Before he shut the door, he briefly turned around to look at Sirius. “I thought you of all people would understand.”

-

My love <3: everything alright? we haven’t heard from u all evening and u usually never stop spamming the groupchat

Sirius looked at the text from Remus, thinking about a good response.

Sirius: Dw I’m fine. Just had a bit of an argument with Reg

He bit down on his lower lip. To call it an argument wasn’t entirely fair. He quickly added another message:

Sirius: I think i might have fucked up

My love <3: how so?

Sirius: Well, it’s kinda hard to explain in text. Can I call you?

My love <3: ofc

Remus picked up after the second ring. “Hey,” he said. “What’s going on?”

Sirius hesitated, before asking: “Have you heard the word “aromantic” before?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Well,” Sirius mumbled. “Reg told me he was aromantic. And... asexual? But… That’s not a real thing, is it?” he asked.

“Yes, Sirius, it is a real thing.”

Oh… “Shit,” he whispered, the image of Regulus running out of his room with tears in his eyes playing in his head again. “I definitely fucked up.”

“You told Regulus it wasn’t real?” Remus asked. 

Sirius sighed, rubbing his eyes. “I… Yeah.” He wanted to try and defend himself but did he really deserve that? “I’m a terrible brother,” he mumbled.

“Well, it was definitely not okay for you to invalidate his identity like that,” Remus said. “But it doesn’t make you a terrible brother. I know how much you care about him, Sirius. You just need to make it up to him and, most importantly, let him know you support him.”

Sirius nodded. “Right,” he said. “Yeah, you’re right, babe. I need to do that.”

-

The music from Regulus’ headphones was so loud he barely heard the knock on his door. He paused the music and sat up in bed, unsure if he’d really heard anything. 

He heard the next set of knocks quite clearly, though, and his brother’s voice which followed them. “Hey, can I come in?” 

Regulus thought back to his conversation with Sirius yesterday. That’s not a thing. You can’t just not like anyone.

“No,” he answered. “Leave me alone.”

“Reg, please,” Sirius said. “I have something for you!”

“Go away.”

There was a pause, and Regulus thought Sirius might’ve left, but after a while he said: “I’ll just slide it under the door, then.”

Regulus turned on his music again and turned away from the door, but he still saw the piece of paper sliding through the small space underneath the door. He didn’t care. Whatever it was, he didn’t want it.

The song ended and a new one began, the loud bass drowning out the world. But it couldn’t silence his curiosity…

He glared at the piece of paper on the floor, before finally giving in and picking it up. 

His heart caught in his throat. It looked like a handmade card of sorts. In the middle, Sirius had drawn a heart, one side in the colours of the asexual flag, the other coloured like the aromantic one. Above the heart he’d written, in pretty cursive letters: “Sorry,” and underneath: “I was a dick.” The “was” has been scratched out and replaced with “am”.  

Regulus teared up, but this time they were tears of joy, as he rushed out the door. He almost collided with Sirius, who was still standing in the hallway. He glanced nervously at Regulus.

“I know this doesn’t make things right,” Sirius said. “But… I hope it counts for something.”

Regulus nodded, looking down at the card still clutched in his hands. It was clear that a lot of effort had been put into it.

Sirius put his hand on Regulus’ shoulder and he looked back up at him. There was a sincere look in his eyes, something Regulus had never seen from him before.

“I’m sorry I was so ignorant, and so quick to judge,” Sirius said. “That’s exactly how people treat me for my sexuality, so… I really should’ve known better. I’m sorry.”

Regulus bit down on his lower lip. He wasn’t going to cry in front of his brother again; it was embarrassing enough the first time. 

“I just want you to know,” Sirius said, “That you have my full support, Reg. I… Yesterday, after our conversation, I spent hours doing research and I found out some really interesting things. Did you know sexuality is a whole spectrum?” His eyes glistened with excitement. “Like, asexuality and aromanticism are even spectrums of themselves! Isn’t that cool?”

Regulus couldn’t help but grin. He was having trouble concealing his own excitement. “Yeah,” he said. “That’s cool, Sirius.”

Before he even realized what was happening, Sirius pulled him into a hug. A real, warm, brotherly hug. Regulus couldn’t remember ever being hugged like that before. He didn’t quite know how to feel about it.

“Y’know,” he said, arms hanging awkwardly in the air as he wasn’t sure where to put them. “I really appreciate your support, but this is kinda weird. We never hug.” 

That only made Sirius hug him tighter. “We do now,” he said. “C’mon, just roll with it, you’re ruining the moment.

Slowly, Regulus returned the hug. It actually, strangely, felt… Good? “Thank you,” he mumbled, feeling safer and more loved than he remembered ever feeling before. 

Sirius chuckled. “We should do this more often.”

[oikawasbread]

hello!! omg :( may i get 10 + akaashi for the promptlist?? hopefully something with fluff, i don't think i can take angst at all rn HAHA

“I need you to tell me that I’m a good person.’’

-

I RECOMMEND THIS SONG only if u want to, ofc

AKAASHI KEIJI x READER - PERSPECTIVE [angst - fluff]

 I am sorry bb!!! i couldn’t help to add some angsty parts; but dw everything ends on a fluffy note <3 

letsgooo

         You’ve been raised like this.

“ You’re not going to become anything with that attitude.” “ Your personality is going to get you nowhere.” “ Why are you even so rude, you know we are right. “

         So you started to actually believe it. You were a bad person. You were mean, rude, you “didn’t care” about anything. It looked like you were also selfish. But those things didn’t surprise you anymore; of course it hurt; but it was nothing new. You are saying your opinion? “Stop being like this.” You are not allowing someone to do something to you? “Mean.” You dare to stand up for yourself? “Quit the attitude”.

        “Your friends have noticed your anger issues, your mood swings; but apparently you didn’t need help, you needed to be told the truth : that you should not be so rude and scary”

You were waiting for some new insults, new reproaches.

 almost ready to give up.

        “What college are you going to apply after high school?”       “I don’t really know.. dad. I was thinking about a medical college. You know, since I’m pretty good at c-“       “Since you’re pretty good? Do you think ‘pretty good’ is enough?”       “Dad, I am good at chemistry and biology; of course there’s kids out there way better than me. But I still have 2 years to improve.”       “Yeah, this is what you’ve been saying since last year. And here you are, still being ‘pretty good’ and not ‘the best’.”       “Honestly, yes Y/n. You’re never doing anything. You’re never helping me around the house, you haven’t opened a book since this holiday started, and you wanna get better? How are you planning on doing that?”       “What does that even mean? I’ve been buried in papers, school work and books for the final exam all this month. I am on 2nd place in class and I’ve been helping you with everything you asked me.”       “Shut it, we’re eating right now. Stop with this discussion.”       “I’m not the one who started it.” This was enough. To shut it? They are the ones who started talking about this whole topic.       “See, y/n? Even you admitted it. You’re on 2nd place, so that means you’re not the best.”       “Can YOU do what I’m doing? Learn all this new information while having zoom classes, helping around the house and taking care of the dog. Because by the way, I’m the one who-“

-

your ears were burning after your dad’s hand made contact with the left half of your face.

      you couldn’t even see clearly because of the tears;the heartache started to become physical pain; you could literally feel your heart breaking. “See? This attitude of yours will stop you from doing anything and you’ll only get to lose because of it. You could’ve chose to be a good daughter and shut up instead of questioning me and your mother.”

this was clearly the drop that filled the glass

-

      You ran upstairs and locked yourself in your room. The worst time to cry is when you have to hide it. You were shoving your head into the pillow, trying to stop your screams of frustration. When was this going to end? Why you? You tried your best but it still wasn’t enough; you did everything everyone wanted but you still weren’t a good person. Were they considering themselves good people? Your parents, your friends, your classmates. It was all about perspective; wasn’t it?

      Or probably not. Maybe you actually were a bad person who was trying to convince herself that it isn’t true, since you were the only one who had this point of view.

       You had to see someone, you needed to. But from the endless contact list you had, there was no one who could tell you what you needed to hear.

Until you saw his name : Akaashi Keiji. 

The quiet boy who was sitting behind you at school, the one who never talked to you but somehow you had his number; probably from the class gc. You weren’t sure if he had yours saved. But that was the whole point; you never spoke to each other, so he didn’t knew you. Maybe if he sees you in this situation and hears the whole thing, he will tell you what you needed to hear, he will reassure you. Even if it was because you pitied him and he wanted to get rid of you faster, it didn’t matter.

So you pressed “call”.

-

-

-

      “Hello?”

      “Hi.. I’m sorry to bother you. I just..”

¬ you just what? are you going to tell him : “Hi Akaashi, I have serious issues at home, can we talk about it even though all you know about me is my name?” or maybe “Hey Akaashi, can we meet ? I promise I’m not a serial killer.”

      “You just what… Y/n?” you snapped       “Oh.. you have my number?”       “Well, yeah.. From the class group chat. And I suppose you have mine.”       “Yeah, I just wanted to..”

and you get trapped again in your thoughts, but his voice brings you back

      “Can we maybe meet up? I can clearly see that you can’t tell me over the phone, whatever the issue might be. Maybe face to face you will be able to find your words.”       “Oh shoot. I mean, yeah, I’ll meet you downtown in 15!”       “Alright, goodbye Y/n.”       “See you, Akaashi.” ¬was this actually happening?

¬

The 15 minutes had finally passed and you saw him on a bench, waiting for you. You almost forgot about the reason you called him when you noticed how pretty was Akaashi in the moonlight. Akaashi was an observant man so it hasn’t passed much time until he noticed your red and puffy eyes, a subtle mark on your face, your pink nose and your dry lips. Your eyes were shining and he felt so bad for thinking that you’re beautiful after something awful probably happened to you.

      “I’m sorry. You probably had better things to do.”

      “Well, I mean, we don’t know each other that well. Of course I had better things to do since we’ve never talked before, but my feet dragged me here. And my brain wasn’t the one who told you that I wanna meet up with you. I don’t know why I did that.” He watches your bright expression fade away and being replaced by a disappointed one. He didn’t mean it to sound like he didn’t wanna be here.

      “From all you know, I could actually be a murderer.” he lets out a subtle smile after finishing the sentence and you can’t help but to smile as well, even though your smile is not that subtle as his but it makes him proud of himself.

There’s was a chaotic silence and you weren’t making any visual contact, but instead you were stargazing. You never actually noticed how bright the sky was at night. It wasn’t that bright, like during the day, making your eyes hurt when you look at it; it was a peaceful light.

 You were analyzing the stars; but Akaashi was analyzing the most beautiful one, who was standing next to him.

He couldn’t help but let his thoughts wonder: was it a problem with your parents? maybe you had some bullies? worse; an abusive boyfriend? He comes back to reality when he notices that you’re open your mouth, wanting to say something.         “Can you help me become a better person?”

But.. what makes you think you aren’t a good person, Y/n? Who told you that you need to change? he was wondering.You look slightly over your shoulder just to see him with his mouth a bit open, with a surprised expression.

      “Well, Akaashi? Are you the one with no words right now?”       “No, Y/n. But why would you do that?”       “You mean, why do I wanna become a good person?”       “No, I mean, why would you change something about yourself? What makes you think you are a bad person?”

You were the shocked one right now. I mean, he saw you as a good person? He doesn’t think you are mean? He doesn’t have a bad impression about your sudden crying at school and your anger issues?

      “What do you mean? You don’t know me outside of the school, you only know me as a classmate. Have you not seen the way I act in class? Have you not heard everyone’s opinions? That I am-“

      “I mean yeah, I did. But do I look like the type of person who follows the herd? Am I not allowed to my own opinion, Y/n?”

      “Of course you are.” you feel bad for almost yelling at him. His eyes looked sad.       “Standing right behind you for such a long time made me know you without even realising it. I’ve noticed so many little details about you, and please don’t think of me as a pervert or something. But you were in front of me everyday so- “Calm down, Akaashi. I won’t.” you say laughing, unable to stop. He was cute getting flustered over the thought that you may get him wrong.

      “I am calm, Y/n.. but, why do you wanna change something about you, after all?” then everything comes back to you; the sound of your dad shouting at you, then the slap; the insults from your friends; so you shed a tear ¬      

      Akaashi is actually worried now; he notices again the mark on your face so he builds up the courage to ask you what happened.

“Akaashi, please. I know I can be angry and mean for no reason at all sometimes, I know I may not be the best person. But tell me that I am a good person. I need you to tell me that despite all that, I am actually a good friend, a good daughter, a good person overall. Because I need this, you have to reassure me or I might give up on being good for real, and be exactly like how they are picturing me to be.”

       He is processing every word you’re saying and his heart breaks; why did you have such a bad impression about yourself?       “Y/n.. You know I just told you that staying behind you made me realise so many things about you. Even if we haven’t talked, it feels like we are actually good friends,  because I’ve seen you crying during class, burying your head in your backpack thinking no one notices. I’ve seen you being so proud of youself after passing a test that most of the class had failed; because in the next second you would message your parents letting them know; I’ve seen how affected you are by our classmates’ harsh words. Trust me, your anger issues aren’t that big of a problem. You have  nothing on Bokuto’s emo mode.”       There’s the smile he’s been wanting to see again.       “The conclusion is that I can clearly see the fact that you’re not just a good person; but a blessing in your parents’ and friends’ lives. And if they don’t appreciate you, it’s their loss. Even if we never spoke until tonight, I felt somehow close to you.”       “So.. after all, I am a good person?” your eyes can’t meet his because you know you’ll burst out crying. But he was the first person to make you cry tears of joy. You needed this so much, you wanna feel this sensation more often ; the feeling of someone having faith in you and not wanting you to be the best out of everyone, but the best version of yourself.       “Of course you’re not. You’re actually hilarious when you’re angry. I am used to sudden mood swings, trust me. Maybe you just hadn’t met the right people.”

-

And you knew he was right. It actually was just about perspective. You may look like the bad guy, but in someone else’s story, you are a good person. From someone else’s point of view, you are actually the best. You just need to meet the people who will understand you and will immediately shape a connection with you; 

¬ it is all about perspective and being in the right place, with the right people.

omg this came out way longer than I wanted it to be but it kinda helped me getting my emotions out? I really really hope you like it bb!!:’( I still have second thoughts about it.

- Riley

[jising-jisang-jisung]

Every Single Time | Lee Jeno

Genre: well floof ofc

Word count: 1.8k

A/n: I wrote this during my online class at school today for no reason other than avoiding ap Spanish yikerz. N e wayz it's kinda clichè and cheesey but I hope yall enjoy it nonetheless :)

It's one of my last fics in my jb song series!! Based off this Jonas Brothers song

To say you'd been in love was an understatement. More specifically, you had been in love with one (1) boy for five (5) years. Who is this boy, you ask. Well, none other than your very best friend, Lee Jeno.

You'd been crushing on him since eighth grade and have been friends for essentially your whole lives. The thing is, Jeno has always had other crushes and girlfriends. Of course, being that you two are besties, he tells you all about this and it lowkey highkey breaks your sensitive little heart.

To be fair, you have also had your fair share of boyfriends. Freshman year you dated Lee Donghyuck and later, Huang Renjun. The only reason you ever said yes to them was in hope of getting over your crush on Jeno. However, it never seemed to work and you were still left, well, crushed. Sophomore year you dated Chenle, but you two discovered that you worked much better as friends. Lastly, during your junior year you dated the school flirt, Na Jaemin. Everyone wondered how you managed to get such a renowned hottie. The thing is, Jaemin is another one of your friends so he knew about your crush. You two only went out because he was getting over his ex as well.

Now, in the middle of senior year, you find yourself sitting at lunch, mindlessly staring at the boy you're hopelessly in love with.

"Hey, y/n! Are you good?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah, right. Yeah I'm fine," you barely managed to convince Jeno after he caught you. Chenle gave you a knowing look from across the table, to which you responded with a glare.

As odd as it was, Chenle is still one of your best friends and he knows about your ongoing crush. In fact, he was one of the first people to tell you about it, because you were too dense to realize it yourself. Quite frankly, you think that may be the reason your exes dumped you, they could see your feelings for Jeno. However, it seems that you're lucky enough because Jeno has yet to catch on.

~

"Y/n, I think you should just confess. What's the worst that could happen?" Chenle suggested.

"He could hate me," you respond coldly.

"Okay yeah, but that would only last for the rest of senior year. Then, you'll both go to college and, if need be, never see one another ever again." :D

"Wow. That makes it sound so much better," you say in a sarcastic tone.

"Who knows, y/n, he might actually like you back. I get the feeling he does."

"What makes you say that?"

"Let's make a bet. 20 bucks says you won't confess to Jeno before winter break."

"I don't want to make any bets I know I'm going to lose," you pout.

"Fine then. 20 bucks says Jeno will confess first."

"That's a bet I can win."

"That's the spirit, y/n!"

"Because Jeno doesn't have feelings for me so he'll never confess!"

"You're hopeless."

"C'mon Lele, he's always surrounded by other girls. I wouldn't even have a chance."

"Okay, but you've dated other boys too," your friend reminds you.

"That's different. Throughout high school I only dated boys to get over Jeno." You paused briefly before continuing, "but it never worked. Every single time, I keep on going back. He's always on my mind. It doesn't matter what I do." You finally looked up at Chenle again only to find him fast asleep on your bed. Late night study dates with Chenle were always like this: deep conversation from you but snooze from him.

~

You sat impatiently in your physics class, waiting for the bell to ring. As you turn your head to check the clock yet again, you are met with Jeno's eyes staring back at yours. "Y/n," he started quietly, "you should be working on your project right now not staring off into space. We only have 2 more days before it's due."

You throw him a shy smile, blushing at his observation of you. "You're probably right," you whisper back. Instead of listening to his advice, you go back into staring off. This, however, was not to your advantage because he began to wonder about what Chenle said. Maybe you should just confess. What if Jeno actually does reciprocate your feelings? You turned to face him again only for your thoughts to be interrupted by his knowing look.

"Y/n, don't make me say it again. You need to finish your project so you don't have to finish it all in one night like last time." Of course. How could you forget the last project that you made Jeno stay up all night to help you finish on time. It's not your fault that he's much superior in physics. Oh gosh. There's no way he could feel anything for you when your literally so stupid! Yes, y/n, you are just so so stupid smh.

~

You checked the time on your phone. 3 am. Another all nighter to finish your dumb project. Okay so maybe Jeno had a point the other day. As you set your phone down it began to vibrate. "Hey Lele," you answer after reading his caller ID. "I'm sorry but I cant talk now because I need to finish this project. Why are you even up at 3 in the morning? If this is some lame attempt to convince me to tell Jeno about how I feel, it's not gonna work. He obviously doesn't like me back."

You waited for a response, but the line went dead. Maybe it was just a butt dial. Or a PRANK!! THAT LITTLE PIECE OF CRAP! Calm down, y/n. It's physics time right now.

~

Jeno sat at Chenle's desk, helping him study for his Calculus test tomorrow. "Chenle, you are just like y/n, always waiting until the last minute. I should call her. I bet she's pulling an all nighter right now to finish that project."

"That's not fair. We can't help it that we don't have the same level of intellect as the great Lee Jeno," Chenle mocked.

"No. You two are just bad when it comes to procrastinating. My phone is dead, can I use yours?" Chenle tossed Jeno his phone and he quickly dialed your number. You answered almost immediately. Stupid y/n, staying up so late.

"I'm sorry but I cant talk now, Lele, because I need to finish this project. Why are you even up at 3 in the morning? If this is some lame attempt to convince me to tell Jeno about how I feel, it's not gonna work. He obviously doesn't like me back."

The boy sat there, his mouth a bit agape. "Jeno. Jeno. Yo! Jeno what did she say?" Chenle finally recovered Jeno's attention.

"Oh, right. Yeah she just said she was busy and could talk right now. And then she hung up," he lied just a little. "N E ways. Back to limits. If the x in the denominator is..."

~

As you walk into school the next day, you are caught a bit off guard. Jeno was waiting for you at your locker. "Hey, y/n," he smiled brightly. How could anyone not fall for that? "Did you have to stay up all night again for your project?" He asks, playing dumb.

"N-no. Not all night," you argue despite him assuming correctly.

He laughs a little. "You're cute when you try to lie." And with that, he walks off, leaving you flustered at your locker. The warning bell rings and you quickly gather your things for your first class. Not that it'll matter. There's no way you could focus now.

~

The rest of the day was fairly normal until lunch. You sat down next to Chenle like usual, but Jeno was acting a bit,, unusual. He was looking at you almost lovingly and it was starting to get a little creepy. <(￣︶￣)> "Isn't y/n just do pretty today?"

Chenle just kinda looked at you like （＞д＜）which you responded with 乁། ˵ ◕ – ◕ ˵ །ㄏ

"What do you mean, Jeno? Is y/n not pretty everyday?" Chenle questions him.

"Oh. Of course she is pretty everyday! But today she is extra prettyyyyy," he draws out the last word adding to his cuteness.

You obviously wanted to join the conversation as opposed to awkwardly sitting silently but you couldn't come up with any words. You could feel the red tint burning across your face, but it's not like you could stop it. "Uh oh. Y/n is blushing. That must mean you like me too, huh?"

"What?" Your mouth hung open. Earth to y/n!! Did you hear that right? Did he really just say too? Say something!

"Ha! That's 20 bucks, y/n! I knew you couldn't tell him first," Chenle screeched, only briefly capturing the attention of the lunchroom. After the students returned to their own lunches and conversations, Jeno continued:

"I asked if you liked me. Of course, I already know the answer."

"Then why do you ask?" You reply rather innocently.

"Because I want to hear you say it again."

"Again?!" You question at the same time that Chenle shouts it.

"Yeah, again. Y/n confessed to me on the phone last night," Jeno elaborates. "So if that was some sort of bet, well, she won I guess."

You nearly died of embarrassment. "Wait so that wasn't Lele calling me yesterday? It was you? And I just-"

"Wait Jeno, you said she just hung up after explaining that she was busy," Chenle argues.

"Did I forget to mention that part?"

"Oh my gosh. I can't believe I did that. Ugh," you complain while facepalming.

"So, are you gonna say it?"

"Do I have to?"

"If you want to hear me say it again then I have to hear you say it first."

"Fine. Jeno, I have had the biggest crush on you since middle school. I really like you."

"Y/n, I have had a crush on you for some time as well. I really like you too," and of course to make matters even worse for your flustered state, he adorns his confession with that signature smile that makes your heart go we got that BOOM BOOM.

~

So yeah, y/no is the ship of the school. Y'all cute or whateva. Jeno always takes you out on fun dates like roller skating or bowling. He is also SUPER CLINGY which you didn't know back when you were only friends. He loves loves loves to cuddle and can almost always be found with his arms around your waist like a koala.

[arohasfiction]

Secretive Idol ( Moonbin X Reader)

FINALLLY!!! Wrote sth for my bias Moonbin I'm so happy that i was able to write sth for him, i had alot of fun writing it and i hope you Enjoy it too ♥️😄

--------------------------

Title: Secretive Idol ( Astro Moonbin x Female Reader)

Word Count: 1801

Gener: Fluff

Note: Astro members sentences are coloured

(Sanha & Mj, Orange) (Jinjin, Green) (Moonbin, Red) (Rocky, Blue) (Eunwoo, Purple) and Lastly your sentences are in Pink ^^

-------------------

Summary: you are Astro's Manger and also a secretive idol (no one knows your identity) you live with Astro members in their dorm. You faced some problems in your previous dorm which made you move to another forcely..

You are in Rocky's age and also Moonbin's grilfriend and only astro members knew about your relationship with him. Although you work as their manger, you managed to go to college to complete your studies as your parents wished. Eunwoo is your Sunbai in the college and you shared some classes in which you both attended together. Nonetheless, Nobody knows about you being Astro's Manger there, and you two acted like a normal student and sunbai in the campus.

You were known in your major group in the college as the intelligent beautiful student, it's not over reacting or exaggerating, but you were way too beautiful that in most of the time other students shipped you with Eunwoo due to your amazing visuals.

You signed a contract with Fantagio as a secretive idol and your stage name which was presented to people it was ( Park Ye-rin) you were an idol that only shared her voice with the fans, nobody really knew your identity and how you looked except for the agency's CEO which happens to be one of your dad's friends. You always faced problems with your previous agency , and that's what made you shift to Fantagio. Among astro members everyone used to listen to Park Yerin cuz her songs (Japanese or Korean) were so awesome and some of them were Dramas OST, one of your biggest fans was your boyfriend Moonbin, but he himself didn't know that you were Park Yerin, you always thought about telling them, but you didn't know how to bring up the topic so you decided to stay quite for the main time.

That day you were called to the ceo's office and he told you that you're going to collaborate with one of Astro's members, you were shocked but happy at the same time, you will be able to sing with one of them, it was your dream ( since you actually were an aroha even before becoming their manger). You were in charge of Writing the song and some parts of the lyrics.. and Moonbin which happens to be your boyfriend is your collaboration partner, and he was supposed to write the other parts of the lyrics, you avoided each chance that can lead both of you to meet and just told him that you will text him for anything regarding their song (ofc from you texted another number), and if he needed anything he could just tell the ceo and he will tekl you as astro's manger. The song recording day came as your song was ready, it was supposed to be your recording part since you can be alone with some staffs who the Ceo trusted them about the matter of revealing your identity. You started recording , but in the same time Moonbin arrived with JinJin and eunwoo ( they were together so they came along), he finished his schedule faster than usuall , of course he will, because he is Park Yerin's fan, he wanted to meet her or even just talk to her, you weren't aware of that he already came inside and saw you through the glass while recording( he didn't recognize you at the beginning cuz you were recording while giving the others your back) .once you finshed you came out in hurry without putting back your mask and your faces met , Moonbin couldn't believe what he just saw, he was speechless and was just staring at you and so did the other two. Mainwhile, your heart was already in your feets but you covered your face and immediately went out.

Later at the dorm you were making Ramyun for you and the rest of the boys, when Moonbin entered with JinJin and eunwoo, you tried to act cool as if nothing happened but it didn't work, it would actually have worked if it was another person, but the one who saw you was your Boyfriend so, you couldn't just lie to him, you took a deep breath and run towards him, " Hey, binn-ah, how was the recording?. Oh right want some Ramyun?". He didn't answer and just went to his room. The other members were wondering about why he ignored you like this so jinjin came closer to you and said, " Don't worry, he's just still a bit shocked, Is it okay with you to talk about it with us ? Of course if you don't want its okay", you cut him saying," No no no!! I already was planning to tell you all after the song is released, but it happened earlier than I've expected...." You sat between them when Mj suddenly said, " What's wrong??? Did something happen?", You just looked at Eunwoo and Jinjin, they understanded that you didn't know how to start so Eunwoo begin saying, " (Y/N)-ah , Jin-Hyung... Shall i speak? You and jinjin both nodded. " Well you know that we went with bin to the recording studio for his new collab song right?!... Well we saw someone wonderful and its not easy to meet her too ..." , Rocky cutted eunwoo saying," Hyung! Do you mean that you met Park Yerin!? For real..how lucky..." You jolted a bit you didn't know that it would be so hard like this to tell them, you weren't scared actually from the fact that they will know your identity but from their reaction, "Hyung How does she look? Is she younger than us?" Sanha said excitedly, " Well, you can ask her, she sitting right here" eunwoo said while pointing on you with a smile on his face, You giggled nervously and stood up " Haha..ha well, hello I'm Park Yerin, nice too meet you.." and you sat back with your head down ", WHAT!!!" screamed MJ, Rocky and Sanha then jinjin and Eunwoo started laughing on their reaction and smiled at you kindly, " (Y/N)-ah, Don't worry, you don't have to low down your head like this, you should be proud" said JinJin while patting on your shoulders, " But what about Binnie... " You said , " Just give him some time to process it , i would probably be the same if i find out that my girlfriend is an Idol and more than that she's my favourite one" he claimed with a warm smile .

Days passed and Moonbin still doesn't speak to you and whenever your eyes met, his face turns red as Strawberries. You liked the fact that you're able to see a different side of him but you were annoyed that he was ignoring you, you couldn't stand it anymore, so that day ,you came back to the dorm, you saw him next to the fridge taking out a bottle of water so, you immediately run to him , grabbed him from his arm and pulled him with you inside your room and locked the door. He was standing still but trying to avoid your gaze, you called him many times but he kept silent, you slowly started walking towards him , cupped his face with your both hands and kissed him on his lips, he wasn't able to move as he was locked between you and the wall , receiving your warm kiss with widened eyes, you parted away and you looked directly in his eyes, you were about to speak when he pressed his lips back again at yours and this time it was sweet and deep which made you two fall on the bed, he was on the top of you but he didn't stop, he kept kissing you with passion, And because you both needed air to breath, you parted but your faces were still so close that you could feel each other's breathing. He locked his eyes with yours, " Why didn't you tell me? " He said, and you saw the smirk on his face , " Are you mad... cuz i didn't tell you..?" You said while turning your gaze away, he took your hairlines and placed them behind your ears then his hands cupped your face from the left side you expected a kiss again so you closed your eyes but you were wrong this time... You slowly felt his breath on your neck.,, He slowly whispered in your neck , " and how come i get mad of my favourite idol that i really admire and happens to o be my gf" and he gave you a warm kiss on your neck, the heat in your body reached your cheeks, it felt like there is a volcano inside you.. you tried to cover your blushed face but he didn't give you a chance and kissed you again on your lips. A moment later you heard the boys sound outside as they came back so he got off you and helped you sitting, "But,.. Why did you ignore me ? Did you feel uncomfortable because your favourite idol is your Girlfriend?" You asked while pouting , he patted your head and pulled you in a hug, " Sorry babe, but i didn't know how to react about it... Actually when i saw you in the studio that day, i was really confused, i thought for a moment that i was hallucinating Cuz i missed you alot", even though you couldn't see his reaction while telling you that but you giggled to yourself, " if is it okay to ask , why do you keep your identity hidden?.. ah of course if you don't want to tell me its okay..." , " No we promised each other that there are no secrets between us so I'm going to tell you" you said while hugging him tightly " My mom and dad are against me being an idol Cuz they wanted me to complete my studies ,so when i became one i didn't tell them , of course I'm still studying and trying to mange the time between all these things but i wanted everyone to hear my songs, i felt like i want sing for the whole world so, i moved first to live in a apartment close to my university and previous-agency but at that time I didn't get enough support of them so i shifted to Fantagio and i ended up being your manger and a secretive idol at same time, and as too keep my promise to my mom and dad i kept my identity hidden and I'm not thinking of revealing it soon, i like how the things are now ..." , He looked at you with his sweet big smile, " Okay then all i gotta to do is support my beautiful girlfriend right?! But as we don't hide secrets from each other, i want to you to be honest with your parents, I'm sure they will understand if you explained it to them, and if you needed someone with you don't forget that i will be on your side..okay babe?". You gave him a peek on the cheeks and smile at him while nodding. After that you lived normally with them like it was from the beginning nothing changed, the reactions that you've expected was all something from your wide imagination.

You walked in the agency's hall when you spotted the boys waving at you, you turned to the wrok mode and said "Fighting!!! (Y/N)-ah!" To yourself and walked to them.

The End

[wannaonescenarios]

could i request a parkwoojin scenario? hehe like you're dating him and u don't feel like u're good enough for him and also think you don't look good so u distant urself away from him and he feels worried and sad and he asks u why and in the end he comforts you and makes u feel better and u have a cute asf relationship in the end!! :))

thanks for requesting!! under read more bc its ,,, kinda long hehe

- you were really glad that woojin had ended up asking you out and becoming a couple

- and while you knew there were many risks to dating an idol, you thought you could bare through it all

- and you did for a bit at least, and on those days that you were feeling down about yourself, woojin would be there to kiss those tears away and reassure you that you were perfect and that you were the only one for him

- but thinking about that now, you can’t help but feel the opposite

- as wanna one grew bigger and the members got popular, it was only a matter of time before their popularity skyrocketed

- when you heard the news that wanna one would be collabing with another girl group member for a special stage, you weren’t the one to become jealous and petty since you trusted woojin

- instead, you wished woojin good luck and waited for him at your home

- and it was okay, at least for a little bit

- because they had to compose the song and work out choreography, woojin would be home late and often would miss dates

- you understood of course and he never failed to make it known that he only loved you

- with the time that he spent at the studio, you ended up researching the girl group (for science of course ok)

- and woW ok

- there was no denying that they were pretty (ok but all kpop idols are lbr) and from watching a few videos of them, you couldn’t help but feel like one of them would match with woojin perfectly

- the only reason you felt that was because one: her personality was like woojins like looking at her was looking at woojin 2.0 LMFAO but two: it didn’t help that there was a photo of them together seemingly going out on a lunch break and comments were showing their support of them

- and as much as you felt your heart hurting from that picture, you had mentally scolded yourself for thinking how to keep up with her? she was an idol, a rising rookie who was making a name for herself and you? a nobody, that’s for sure.

- you couldn’t help but compare your looks with her either. you knew that you didn’t have perfect teeth nor perfect skin, but you couldn’t help but be in envy of hers like wTF (ok but sometimes same though,,is it just me??)

- ok anyways moving on!!

- after that day, you began to have second thoughts about the relationship and yourself

- you knew you couldn’t keep up with her and you knew that this relationship with woojin could be dangerous because you heard what fans could do once they realized their favorite idol is dating

- and because of those thoughts, you ended up distancing yourself from woojin

- woojin wasn’t stupid, sure, but he did realize that you had been acting different

- movie nights would end up being abandoned because you had claimed ‘you didn’t feel good’

- sometimes, woojin would have a day off and all he wanted to do was spend it with you, but you always ended up leaving before he woke up or had plans (aka leaving him to sulk around LMFAO)

- and his attempted on skinship would be rejected too like wTf all he wanted to do was cuddle up with you and hold hands, but the moment he even touched you, you had jerked away and ran to the kitchen

- woojin wasn’t the type to leave whatever cold treatment you had on him going on, but he would be unsure on where to confront you on this?? like what if you were really mad and ended up blowing up on him?? listen ,,,woojin loves you but he also values his life ok

- of course, he thought maybe giving you space would help you feel better but lol guess what buddy?? nope

- it ended up making worse, and it got even more horrible when you ended up seeing from seongwoo snapchat that the two of them were quite close after practice

- (but in reality, it’s woojin asking for advice on how a girl’s mind worked and any plans to help confront you fndjks)

- and tbh,,,it ended up being a while until he can properly confront you since you were always avoiding him

- and he finally manages too one day in living room where you had been napping on the couch

- he ended up sitting on your legs and refusing to get up until you told him what was wrong

- (and believe me,,you almost did because look at him?? he look like a lost and sad puppy wtf was wrong with you)

- you wouldn’t tell him obviously (bc lowkey you were embarrassed of the reason why) and would look away

- woojin would grasp your face gently with his hands and turn you towards him so you could look him in the eyes

- ‘’i’ll say it again, im worried about you? why are you acting so cold to me? did i do something wrong?”

- and you didn’t know why, but the sincere look on his face eventually made you start to cry because he was wrong. he didn’t do anything wrong.

- and woojin lol ofc panics and tried to comfort you but all he could do is pull you into his arms and cradle you close

- ‘’im sorry!!! i didn’t mean to make you cry!! plea se don’t hate me,,,’’

- eventually, you would sober up and end up spilling out why you were so cold and distant with him and how you wished that you looked better or had better skin or a better body. you wished you could be up to par with all those pretty kpop idols and how you wished you could be someone worth loving to woojin

- and woojin wouldn’t even say anything at first because he would be in shock?? it would be more like ‘how could you think about yourself like this?’

- and he does talk about it with you. he talks about how he loves that youre not perfect, he loves that you have flaws and while you don’t have straight teeth or clear skin, he finds it endearing because it shows that you’re human and not manufactured to perfection like the industry wants you to be and all your worries that are cleared up by him

- in the end, the two of you stay cuddled up and woojin loves !! to press kisses all of your face because he finds it endearing when you laugh

- also woojin: please laugh more its !! so cute!! and!! i love it!! so much!!

- now, when woojin goes to head out to rehearse, he always makes sure to kiss you goodbye and shower you in love when he comes back!!

- (also this strengthens your relationship a lot!! and im saying this bc communication is key!!)

- ok but imagine woojin coming back from a long day of rehearsal and falling asleep on your lap on the couch because he couldn’t make it on the couch like fNDJKSNFK CUTIES