#i don't talk about my addiction past a lot because man some of you do not know how to fucking treat poverty ppl or drug addicts and it shows

[eclarinet]

same soup... different day

[martyrbat]

writing for the first time (beyond ‘yes, and’ing sessions in dms) in over a year and the first time since i been sober is just a constant saga of alternating, intense feelings. realizing how much i missed writing to shame of my limited vocabulary and writing ability. the excitement to start again and grow to the remorse of how much i used to write confidently and somewhat decently. having a forced acceptance that i have to start over and relearn how to have this passion and interest without it crushing my heart and confidence at every second while actively having my heart crushed and pretending that its not so i can work through it. the amazement at the old giddy feelings tetuning to the fear that all my creativity and drive came from these hard substances i abused for years instead of something im capable of by myself. then rewording a sentence 5 times and smiling because i like how i phrased something finally and have the feeling of pride swelling up in my chest to once again the sudden guilt and shame over my own feelings and past that seems to overcome my entire senses.

[ariaste]

hheeyy I am probably gonna buy your pirate book regardless, because it does sound wonderful, but just so I know what I'm getting my little ace brain into: the gizmodo article you linked described Brother Julian as having "a frankly inconvenient vow of celibacy" and i had terrible flashbacks of the way the dragon age 2 fandom talked about Sebastian so like. Does Julian *also* think his vow is inconvenient, or am I going to have to go in accepting that funny queer pirates who resolve things with polyamory is worth wincing through a few conversations where his suitors just Cannot Believe someone so hot doesn't want to fuck oh my we must save him from himself or. whatever the fuck. Again, i loved A Touch Of Gold And Iron so I do trust you, but I've had authors i trust suddenly and unthinkingly have their characters spout aphobic talking points before, so i just want a warning, i guess. Thank you and I promise this isn't intended as a judgement of any kind, just me making sure I'm taking care of myself

No worries! I have not seen any of the Dragon Age 2 discourse and I don't know who Sebastian is, but I think I can sort of glean from context what you mean.

The answer about Julian is a little spoilery for mostly worldbuilding and a bit of his character arc, but not plot. I'm gonna try to put it under a cut, but tumblr is broken sometimes, so if the cut does not work, I apologize to the general public.

Julian is a monk of the Vintish church, which is sort of "what if the Catholic church but make it The Enlightenment" -- their religion teaches that the pursuit of knowledge and Understanding is deeply holy and that the Emperor of Heaven filled the world with mysteries specifically because he wanted humanity to figure out his little puzzles. Monks of this church take vows not to give up all "sinful" things, but to give up the one thing that occupies their mind above all else and causes them to be distracted from the pursuit of knowledge. For some people that might be alcohol, or gambling, or an addiction, or wearing pretty clothes, or anger/resentment, or whatever. For Julian, that thing was sex. He is the most allosexual man who has ever lived. He LOVED sex. It was a source of pure joy and delight and fulfillment for him -- he's one of those people who can find something wonderful and attractive in pretty much everyone he meets.

There were some Urgent Circumstances fifteen years ago in his past where taking that vow was preferable to the alternative that would have happened if he hadn't taken it, so in that sense it was a tool that served a purpose -- it was at one point a deeply convenient way of saving his own ass. I also think it was an important lesson for Young Julian to realize that sometimes you have to make sacrifices and that sacrifices HURT.

However, whether he would say in hindsight now that it was inconvenient... I think he has mixed feelings. He's very good at nuance, Julian is, and so he recognizes that all his experiences have made him into the person who he is and that he has Learned and Grown and Gained Knowledge Of Himself, which he does sincerely believe is a holy and righteous thing -- he deeply values the journey that he has been on. But at the same time.... at his heart he's just a fun guy and secretly an absolute gremlin in his own ways, you know? And tools that were once useful and relevant do not always remain so. Hope that helps!! I am on the ace/demi spectrum myself, so I've got some irritating experiences of the ways that people write about ace characters and try to "fix" them -- this is definitely not that situation.

Also, just cause you mentioned you're ace -- FYI there isn't any on-page sex in the book, just lots of dumb sex jokes and flirting. :)

[romana-after-dark]

Room's on Fire: Girl on Fire

Dark!Santiago Garcia x Fem!Reader Dark!Francisco Morales x Fem!Reader Dark!William Miller x Fem!Reader Dark!Benjamin Miller x Fem!Reader

Also: FishBen, and an assortment of other M/M relationships (no Millercest). Everyone is Bisexual

Series Masterlist: Main Masterlist : MainTaglist

Spotify playlist

Summery: Everyone is together, everything is complete.

Warnings and Content:

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

DUB CON MOSTLY but there WILL BE NON CON. Major character deaths, forced breeding, physical abuse, brainwashing, manipulation, violence, gore, alcoholism/addiction, BIG OLE BLASPHEMY WARNING like this cult appropriates a lot of religious themes and they call reader their Madonna, Santi is called the Pope, like all that stuff. However, this is a cult so I mean. It happens. None of it are my thoughts on religion or meant to make fun of religion or demonize religious people. Disgusting views on virginity. Attempted rape outside the boys. T*m warning. Age gap. Creepy terrible men. Non-reader rape, dub con, violence. Covert incest, massive mommy issues, sexual abuse all around, past grooming by parental figure. no CSA but the victim isn't much older. some Bates Motel type shit. I cannot properly warn you for everything, without just telling the story but consider this a major warning that there are dark dark themes. No one involved here is morally clean, and who you perceive as the good guy cannot be relied on. Don't come to my story and say im romanticizing these things until at least the story ends.

WARNINGS HAVE BEEN UPDATED!!!

Extra warnings for chapter: Pregnancy, breeding kink, violent sex, domestic violence on a man, gunshots, references to murder,, death, torture, all the horrors. The end was disturbing even to me, so read with caution. If you find the end was too much, just ask me what happens and I'll tell you. not super plot important but like it was pointed out, the sex is how we see dynamic shifts. Mentions of mpreg fantesy but no mpreg will happen bc they arent actually god, just insane.

3.7k words

A/N: Some pov shifts. Madonna, Jonah, Rey, Santi all get POV's.

A.N2: context for song quote, Alicia wrote girl on fire after the birth of her son.

Support writers! Reblog and leave comments!

"She's on top of the world Hottest of the hottest girls say Oh, we got our feet on the ground And we're burning it down Oh, got our head in the clouds And we're not coming down This girl is on fire" ~ Girl On Fire, Alicia Keys

“It’s okay, you’re gonna do great.” Rey assured her, sitting on a table in the dressing room despite a chair being right there. His lanky legs liked to dangle, you noticed, or sometimes perch up in high places. He reminded you of a bird sometimes, lithe and graceful and seemed to float on his feet.

“What if they don’t like me? What if something happens? What if there’s another uprising or someone wants revenge on me because of my dad-”

“The people love you, and they were going to love you even more with this announcement. Jonah’s not going to let anything happen to you, you know that.”

Your face grows warm at the mention of Jonah. He had acted distant with you since the instance of Frankie and you on the horse, and wouldn’t let you see his face when he showed up the next morning with bruises. In fact, you’d hardly seen him at all. Rey was your primary guard, and Will had talked about moving your room to one with an attached room for Reyansh so that he could stay with you at all times. It seemed everyone knew Iris and Rey were an item, or at least they understood Reyansh was not a threat. You had begged Will not to switch around rooms. The reason given was that you liked your room, but really, you were hoping that you’d be moved into a room with one of your husbands. You weren’t visited by the incubus the night they all slept in your room.

Still, Jonah looked out for you. Under your dress right now was his bulletproof vest. 

A knock on the door.

“Come in.” Iris called to the door, still working on your hair.

Will entered the room. “Are you ready, Madonna?”

Before you opened your mouth, Iris replied. “You could use her real name, you know.”

Will didn’t look at her, keeping his eyes on you. “Her name is irrelevant, her position is everything.” When he turns and sees Reyansh, Will frowns. “What are you doing in here?”

Iris was quick to answer his unvoiced question. “He only came in after she was dressed.”

He instructs Reyansh to ready the carriage. Once he was out, Will turned to you with a smile. “You look stunning, Madonna.” Your heart swells with love for your handsome husband, dressed in his loose white shirt. In your hair, small white flowers adored you, carefully placed and worked in by Iris’s hands. She was incredible, making your dress too. It was colorful, with a color representing all four of your husbands. Under it, a bulletproof vest. No one in delta outside of guardsmen was allowed guns, but he wanted to be safe.

“Wow…” Will whispers, taking you in. There was just the slightest swell of a bump, you wondered if it was just weight gained from eating more these few months. Will took you into his arms kissing you deeply and feeling your stomach. Iris mumbles close enough as you’re pulled away. He turns back to her only a moment. “Make sure everything is ready when we’re back, please.”

Iris sighs, “It always is, Mr. Miller.”

*

Jonah cocked his gun. “Same as last time, honey. Anything happens, you come with me. Those guys can handle themself. I get hurt, do not stop for me. Just run. Someone will come find you, you just keep yourself alive, got it?” His brown eyes were on you for the first time in a long time, and you relaxed. Jonah’s eyes always calm you. It’s scary, knowing you were responsible for not just you, but someone else as well. The priestess stood at the balcony to the side, your husbands flanking you. Pope to your right, Francisco to your left, Ben to his left and Will to Popes right. Just as you were married.

“Men! Women! Children of Delta!” She shouts to the crown. “I present your Gods and your Madonna!” The crowd erupts into screams, and your heart fills with love for your people. “And!” A hush falls over the ground, waiting breaths quiet as they wait for the news. “I present to you, THE SAVIOR!”

The sound was deafening, a noise that shocked you and made you stumble back. To your surprise, Pope was behind you. It was a greater surprise when he rucked up your skirt.

Immediately your hands, out of instinct, go to bring the material down but his fingers quickly dig into your skin, warning you to behave. So, you stand there, humiliated, left hand gripping Francisco’s tighter. Pope loved you, he loved you and he’d never do something just to humiliate you! How stupid of you for feeling that way. This child was long prayed for, they and your body belonged to your husbands, belonged to Delta. Pope lifted your dress over the small bump,exposing your underwear to the crown. No one outside of your husband, a few house motherns and prefects had seen you in your underwear, so this was difficult…

But then Pope kissed your neck, and the worries melted away. Will, Francisco and Ben come to you, each placing a hand on your stomach as the priestess shouts, reaffirming that the savior’s parentage was of all four, that each of your husbands fathered this baby. You were called the vessel for their seed.

Then, you were placed on a tour. On a sitting carriage with all 4 of your husbands, you were paraded around to cheering people, the faces of women from your dormitory and even your room recognizable in the crowds. One woman whose bed was next to yours shot you a deadly glare as you passed by. She was mean, frequently detailing her escapades with Ben and throwing your own lack of attention in your face, but who was laughing now? Ben choose her for a short term fuck. You had a greater purpose.

When you reached the mansion again, the gates were crowded with people reaching out for you, and although there was fear as the mass of the crowd grew, there was also power. The savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned lay in your holy womb, you were the bringer of life. YOU were the divine mother.

The gunshot brought you back to reality.

*

“WILL!” You scream as your husband is shot backwards, stumbling into his brother’s arms who he shoved out of the way of the bullet. Jonah didn’t care about Will, however. He didn’t care about Ben falling at him brothers side under the weight. He didn’t even care about Francisco scrambling to grab at Ben in the chaos, and he certainly didn’t care about Santiago dragging Frankie away.

He cared about, sobbing in his arms desperately trying to get to your fallen love. Jonah wrapped an arm around you and pulled you away into the riotous, scampering crowd. You needed to get away from the shooter. 

“NO!” You bawl loudly. Howling that he’s dying, that you need to be with him, but Jonah didn’t give a shit about that prick. He calls to Reyansh, who jumped out of the carriage the second the gun goes off. It was intentional, having Rey at the helm with him; only Rey would care enough about you out of all the guardsmen that Jonah could depend on him. Into the madness, you wouldn’t stop screaming and that rainbow dress of yours was not helping the situation. 

“Rey! The tunic!” Jonah had to spin you around to disorient you enough to make you stop fighting in your hysteria, forcing your arms up while Rey slid a long, brown standard tunic over your body, making you blend into the neutral tones on the crown. Jonah clamped down over your mouth and pulled you away as the center of the shooting grew further away, Reynash covering you both. Once at the posting for a guard, Rey held you as Jonah mounted the steed and pulled you up, riding off with you.

*

You hadn't stopped sobbing for hours. Reyansh watched in concern, wanted so badly to comfort you lest the heaving and thrashing harm the baby or yourself. Rey loved children, he couldn’t wait for a day he could take Iris away and raise a family together, to finally be with her intimately and live a life with her. 

Even if children weren’t in the picture (Iris wanted one in theory, but was hesitant to bring one into this world, understandably.) he’d cherish a life growing old with his lover. Maybe they’d some orphaned child; Iris had a soft spot for children in need. Her maternal instincts are why, despite not wanting to be friends or even really know her, Iris took care of the girl. Iris had ten years on the naive child. Continuously, she had warned him about keeping his distance, not raising suspicion that anything was happening between him and the girl, but it wasn’t his fault she was damn delightful. However, despite her obvious beauty, talents and sweet demeanor, nothing compared to Iris.

Reyansh could wax poetry about her all day long, and often did. He barely had any free time, most of the pockets of time he had, Rey liked to help Iris with her Herculean tasks, the laundry and dishes like Sisyphus and the boulder. He couldn’t take away the fact the next day would be filled with more dishes, more wall washing, more cooking, but he’d gladly sacrifice an hour of sleep so she could gain one. With him at all times, however, was his notebook and pen. As he sat at a mount or perch Rey liked to try his hand at poetry and writing. 

Sometimes it was about the beauty of nature, the flowers he planted and gardens he kept, how they gave him joy during difficult times. Sometimes it was about the complex nature of family, of Iris and Jonah, Santiago and what he knew of Beatriz, which wasn’t much, the strained love and hatred between Will and Ben, or his own desire for fatherhood. Sometimes he wrote about the 5 lovers, the girl, the men who claimed to be gods, how each individual relationship strengthened them and weakened them in their own ways and how the girl changed things for better or for worse. Mostly, he just wrote about Iris, the prettiest flower he had.

He caught a glimpse of Jonah at the window, motioning him to come out. This safe house was his idea. Apparently, he and Marcus used to escape here sometimes.

Rey tries to tell you he’s stepping outside but you aren’t listening, curled up in a ball on the bed sobbing. He makes his exit.

Once outside, Jonah offers him a sip from his flask but Rey declines.

“I was going to ask how she is, but I can hear my answer.” The sound of you wailing penetrates the walls.

“How Will?”

“He’ll live, unfortunately.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.” Jonah sighs, lighting a cigarette. “Wish those fuckers would just die.”

There was a long pause, Reyansh thinking hard before saying what he was thinking. He didn’t defy or talk back to Jonah, he respected him as his superior and, for all intents and purposes, his father in law. But Jonah was flawed. “You’re the one with a gun, Jonah”

Jonah inhaled a long drag before answering in a puff of smoke. “We’ve been over this.” He walked into the safe house.

They had talked, several times. Rey wanted Iris out but he didn’t have much power and knowledge. Jonah had the gun and a hundred reasons not to. There was no way to kill all 4 because everyone was armed. The community would riot. There was no where safe to go. A failed attempted would end Iris’s life. All these may be true, Jonah did have 4 decades of guard experience… but really, Rey thought he was just a coward, and maybe he cared for Pope and/or Francisco more than he’d like to admit. He’d been with those two since infancy, helped raise them, been a father figure most of their lives… it was understandable.

When he walked into the house, it was to crying but this time, relieved. He must have told her Will would be okay. You had your arms wrapped around his neck and he held you close to him, rubbing your back.

“It’s gonna be okay, honey, everyone’s gonna be just fine.”

*

Ben was changing Will’s bandages when you walked in and it made you nauseous to see the blood. Jonah said the bullet went straight through, that he’d be okay he just needed to rest, but the sight was disturbing.

Will groans. “Baby, don’t want you seeing me like this.”

Benny flicks his brothers arm. “Let her be, she was worried about you.”

The older Miller grumbled, but allowed you to kneel his side. He thumbed away a tear, “Don’t cry for me, beautiful girl.”

“What happened?” You sniffle, looking between Benny and Will.

“A girl from the dorms, she took the gun off a guard and tried to shoot-”

Ben interrupted. “You, Madonna.” He looked to his brother. “Melody, your old roommate, she tried to shoot you out of jealousy, she wanted to be with me. Will pushed you aside, took the bullet.”

You blink at that. Melondy wanted to shoot you? She wanted you dead? And Will. was he even standing by you? “But… I don’t remember being pushed.”

“Oh sweet girl…” Will cood. “Do you not remember? Poor thing, it was probably so traumatic-”

“No, I remember-”

“Your brain probably blocked a lot of it out, repressed it to protect you.”

Yeah, yeah that made sense. Memory was fragile. Will winced and Ben finished cleaning him and you took his hand as a new packing kit was applied. “Thank you for saving me…” You kiss his hand, feeling the rough knuckles warm skin. “For saving our baby…”

You fell asleep beside him that night, laying on his chest. He was warm, firm, inviting and protective. Nothing mattered more than the fact your husbands and your baby were safe.

Melody was dead. After the first shot missed, she approached where the four men had gathered intent on finding you, but Ben said Pope shot her square in the forehead, that he protected you while Jonah and Reyansh took you to safety. Ben said he had stood in front of his brothers and you, fearless, brave and bold. Pope loved his people, but he loved you most of all.

When you awoke, it was lae evening and although you wanted to go back to sleep, after some tossing and turning you realized you could. Not wanting to wake Will, you check his pulse and breathing, both strong and head out of the room to see if anyone is up. You know they dont like you wandering around the mansion without protection but you weren’t a child.

After Jonah and Rey had taken you back home, you were desperate to see William, but Pope demanded your presence with Francisco, both holding you tightly and checking you over again and again, tell you how precious you were, how loved. Pope knelt in front of you, hands on your belly, kissing it. You were thankful to have such loving and protective husbands. Despite the horrors of today, you felt blessed beyond measure 

You came to the kitchen first seeing a light on. Sometimes Benny liked late night snacks. Instead, you see Iris and Reyansh slow dancing in the kitchen. Iris was actually smiling. No doubt Rey was fearful of his own women’s safety being forced in the cabin with you for so long after a riot broke out right outside where she was. Silent, you step away from the cute lovers and allow them their time. Rey helped save your life today, you needed to thank him, and thank Iris for all she did for your family, you were lucky to have them both.

You try to see if Pope is awake next. When you approach his room, the grunting sounds make you stop, peaking through the slightly cracked door. Pope was on top of Francisco, fucking into his ass with his legs bent up into a press. It was a position he used on you many a time. Francisco was a puddle beneath him, his curls stuck to the sweat on his head. He looked incredible. The way Pope kissed him so deep… You couldn’t help feeling warm inside. How lucky you were that your husbands loved each other so much.

Ben was found in the gym. For a moment, you merely watch him. Shirtless in his red shorts and throwing punches at a punching bag. He probably had so much energy in him after everything today, watching his brother bleeding in his arms. She knew they didn’t always get along, Ben holding anger for Will so often and over what, you couldn’t yet discern. Maybe this tragedy would bring them back together. You admire his body, carved out and chiseled in perfect form. 

You loved the bodies of all your husbands, in each and every different.

Will was largess; tall, muscular, wide everywhere. Everywhere. His body consumed you just as yours consumed him; he was like a shield, metaphorically and now literally.

Santiago was softer. A small belly that was only noticeable when he was bent over, plush though and a moon shaped ass. He was all curves, from his nose down to his calved you had massaged so ardently.

If Pope was soft, Francisco was a pillow. Heavy weight surrounded him, the broad expanse of his shoulders to the fat at his waist and you just wanted to bury your face into it, you want to bite, nibble, and worship the pudge that spilled over his pants.

Ben was lean, the tallest of them and slim hips under rippling muscles. Golden God, beholden before you and it was as if his glory radiated off him. Despite the strength he was light on his feat. He could have been a boxer in another life.

“How are you feeling?” His deep voice breaks the tranfiction of the way his body moved, stilling the punching bag.

“I’m good, just woke from a nap with Will.”

Still looking away, Ben nodded. His mood matched the storm clouds out the window. After wiping his face, Benny chugged water and then finally made his way over to you in long, quick strides. His eyes flashed with the lightning outside.

*

Pope fucked Frankie with a fury he couldn’t recall in years. Frankie had defined him, ignoring his orders to leave but no, he wanted to stay with Ben. 

“You don’t think I wanted Ben and Will safe too?” He growled in his lovers ear. 

“I know!”

“You’re more important!”

He almost lost Will, Ben, the savior, and most importantly Frankie today. The girl would pay, fuck she’d pay. He couldn’t do anything Madonna might see, she thinks she’s dead already… no, a gunshot was to quick for someone trying to harm his family, but he’d make her suffer.

His anger toward Francisco wouldn't be helped when today, when he went to make love to Frankie, he found him in Ben's arms, cumming on his hand.

*

Ben had you pinned against the wall, fucking into you with your legs hitched around his narrow hips. The wind outside picked up speed, displaying his anger, his frustration, his love and his lust. You let him take you, fucking into your pregnant womb with his face tucked in your neck. You felt as if you were floating, like you were the center of the world right now. The sun God orbited you. Someone had tried to take you from him, a women he used to claim as his own but she had been cast aside for a reason. In her jealousy, she though she could regain her place at his side but that was foolish. Ben would never have loved her the way he loved you, the way he loved his husbands. Will, Francisco and Pope could never love her. 

She was not the Madonna.

She could never carry the savior.

She could only ever have a bastard.

*

“Gonna fill you up, Frank.” Pope grunted, breath hot against Francisco's cheek, mouth to mouth, lips to lips. “Gonna fill up this tight little hole of yours until you’re pregnant with my baby, you got that?”

Frank’s eyes went wide. “Santi, wha-” But he stopped when Santiago slapped him. This shocked Frankie, Santi didn’t slap him, he didn’t hurt him like that…

“Take it!” Santiago screams, tears of anger blurring his eyes. He chose Ben over him. He’d rather stay in danger with Ben than safety with him. “Your mine, under stand?!” When Frankie didn’t answer right away, Pope gripped his jaw and felt a warm tear fall down his cheek. “DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!”

*

Long fingers gripping your asscheeks, digging into the sensitive skin.

Firm abs rubbing against your body.

Hips stimulating your clit.

A finger fucking into your asshole. 

Everything was better than your wildest dreams. No incubus, a child on the way, friends and family. This was a life your father tried to take from you, but you were like gold that’s tested in fire.

Ben came inside when the thunder cracked, lightning still flashing and illuminating him with light. He muttered Francisco’s name.

*

“YES!” Francisco shouted in pain, face grimacing. “I’m yours! I’m yours Santi, fill me up! Make me-” He swallowed, tears forming at his long lashes. He gritted his teeth. “Make me p-pregnant!”  Francisco was saying anything that'd make Santi stuff, just to make him cum and end this. He just wanted it over. All of it. He didn't understand why he wasn't allow to be happy, to feel safe, to have peace. Instead he had to submit to Santi's whims just like Beatriz.

Santiago tucked his face into his lovedrsneck, biting him as he came inside. Whimpering, tears streaming wildly down his face, Santiago bit into Frankie’s tender flesh: neck, then shoulder, till finally he just continuously bit into the skin on his large arm, drawing the blood and bruising the skin. It hurt like hell, Frankie's head thrashing back and forth on the pillow trying to take the pain and bare it. Santiago's tears mixed with blood as he finished cumming, thrusts slowing into a lul.

Francisco didn’t know where his body ended and Santi’s began.

He wanted Ben, to be held and protected by him. To be touched gently, with love. To be not possessed but show off so that he knew Ben was proud of him, proud of what they had, not what the fuck Santigo was doing to him. He wanted Madonna with her sweet kisses and open adoration. He wanted Will with his healing nature, tender hands on his arching, bleeding arm. He wanted anything but Santi’s touch right now.

Santiago curled behind Francisco. His hand rested on Frankie’s stomach.

***********

This disturbed me writing the end asdfghjkl

Madonna crying Reminds me of tww bonus chapter where little one thinks joel is dead and is just ugly sobbing

Madonna has... a lot to process today, and absolutly no therapy and no one she can be honest with about what she's witnessing.

I hope you all enjoyed... or .... something....???

Thoughts on Santis episode, Benny having a fit because he wanted Frankie but had to take madonna, will being shot, madonna is pregant, rey's thoughts!!!!! Jonah protecting madonna, etc.

UUUHHHHH poll?

love you all dearly <3 I hope to get at least one more tf fic for the triple frontier anniverary evnt before the end, and maybe something else like a TWW bonus chapter i've been wanting, but no gurantees. next week is spring break and i have 10k worth of commissions to write so il be busy! I wanna get the last chapter of my handmaids tale au out though, end that baby <3

also if you havn't yet, consider following me on my main @romanarose because im like 20 followers away from 2k and once i do, ill be open to writing stuff for a celebration!

Please consider joining me in in donating to humanitarian aid in Rafah through Doctors Without Borders

LOVE YOU ALL!

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[welovetesvkaidan]

OPINIONS ON KAIDAN EE/IF???

My honest reaction:

in all seriousness, if you wanna hear me yap about it, more under the cut

warning like, genuinely a ginormous yap, like a HUMUNGOUS, sleep-deprived yap,,, im cursed to be obsessed with skyrim + modded followers instead of touching grass

I think a lot of this is probably gonna be the same thing other people have said, so im sorry

if you feel i'm gonna be bringing up redundant points and get mad at me😓dont read

I haven't experienced and thus won't talk about the versions of EE and IF that are now separate mods from each other. I don't know anything about that.

if they're better now yayyy but this is about pre-separation

I should preface this with the fact that I've played through Skyrim 3 times with different stages of Kaidan EE/IF:

The initial Dawnguard + fixes/miscs mod

Kaidan EE/IF versions before extensive faction/NPC dialogue for Kaidan

EE/IF w/ NPC Dialogue (AKA Fratpack)

I was also part of the two different discords that were purged and created during these intervals. i don't even know if there is a discord currently?

anyway, that is to say that I have experienced the mod and it's behind-the-scenes progress, extensively so I have a pretty good idea of what I liked and didn't like

That being said, I will introduce probably my biggest problems with it: Tonal whiplash

Okay, well the most common complaint is ofc that a lot of the writing is out of character - and I agree. But it's not just ooc on paper, it's his voice too. I swear, it is very jarring hearing hushed, mild og Kaidan 2 voicelines, and then being deafened by EE Kaidan SCREAMING in my ear ALL.THE.TIME. (like... why are you yelling at me rn jeez)

Seriously. I'm not sure why they didn't just re-record everything from the original mod instead of adding more and more contradicting lines on top of the originals. It definitely could have been a standalone mod, and sometimes it almost feels like it is - because he is just so different.

My most infamous moment in my last playthrough with him happened after we defeated the dragon at Kynesgrove. His og Kaidan 2 dialogue played first, in it he shows interest and is cordial about Delphine ("I wouldn't mind prodding her mind" or whatver dialogue), THEN immediately after his Kaidan EE/IF dialogue will play, in which he walks up to Delphine and STARTS YELLING AT HER AND INSULTING HER - like they argue for quite a bit wtf. And it's like, listen, I have my thoughts about Delphine, but whether or not it was okay to yell at her isn't the problem. It would be fine - IF he hadn't just calmly told me he thought she was okay.

It is sooo confusing how he contradicts himself :(

I mean, yeah, fragments of who he is are still there, I can tell it's Kaidan, but he's warped to fit a different character. Like a con-artist Kaidan.

Anyway, besides the contradictions, it also feels out of character because of his established backstory.

Let's go over it: He's an orphan, lost his only connection to his family(his guardian) to drugs, fell into substances himself, joined a violent cult, had to escape said cult, came clean from his addictions, has been traveling Tamriel bounty-hunting, got brutally attacked by the Thalmor, rescued by mere chance. Do you honestly mean to tell me this man would be yelling, pissing, drinking, lewding, and joking his ass off?? After all that???? NO - or maybe not these levels of extreme. (maybe some other dude might, but Kaidan's characterization insists he is a brooding, keeps-to-himself man, even though he never acts like it anymore)

That man should be tired, and he did feel like he was tired in the original. He was more brooding then than he is now, usually silent, but could still have an edge of comedy/wittiness, he was smart, he had been through a lot!

In that regard, EE/IF Kaidan felt like... we are experiencing Kaidan 10 years in the past - like a Kaidan in his early 20s when he was still a drunkard low-key terrible person. He is just so energetic, always yapping - GOD he talks a lot now. ugh but most of the time it wasn't about anything, it was either inside-jokes, meta jokes, and only occasionally did we get things that added to the experience.

For example, I think most of us who have played Kaidan 2 remember at least one specific line he has said while exploring. What comes to mind for me is either "Can you smell the magicka in the air too? Smells like a rainless thunderstorm." or "Watch for the mammoth with the carvings on their tusks, that's how the giants mark their herd." Alright, both pretty nice small talk for characterization (he IS smart) and worldbuilding.

Tbh i can't really remember any iconic lines from the additions of EE/IF Kaidan... the only two lines that stood out for me were: the "elevenses" line from the clip above (started bumping into him every time he was about to say this so he would stfu... total tonal dissonance), and one he said while I looted Lucky Lorenz ("poor sod wasn't as lucky as his namesake would have you believe!") kai HOW do you know this man, and his nickname, who told you that??? (idc about it that much but its like the only other added line i remember)

I thought that maybe his ooc-iness might have been caused due to the collaborative approach of the mod, I think the mod authors created their own perfect Kaidan - and that's good for them! It takes a shit ton of work (Ik cuz i was there!!) But I think the original essence was lost with each addition. It might have been lack of direction for the voice acting too, a lot of the lines might have hit better if they weren't borderline screamed.

Okay, at some point while playing I got so tired of his constant himbo chit-chatter that I tried tuning him out and bringing other npcs from vanilla skyrim as followers. Problem: even without kaidan on your party, everything starts being about kaidan. Because the extension made it so that Kaidan either has history with/character interactions and development with different NPCs from the base game.

The main poor sods that traveled with me:

Erik the Slayer: Apparently was Kaidan's childhood friend, got inspired by Kaidan to become an adventurer. Least egregious in my opinion, they say sweet things to each other. I swear, Kaidan yells more at me than he ever did at Erik.

The Companions: dumb, dumber, and dumbest basically.. This part of EE/IF was also known as "The Fratpack" and y e a h they pretty much had Vilkas, Kaidan, and Farkas acting like immature frat boys all the time. Just,, absulutely taking away all the maturity out of these GROWN ASS MEN. im sorry, i guess i dont get the appeal. I liked it when they didn't behave like teens (Aela im so sorry, you deserved better than being part of this)

Lydia: All she does is simp for him, ALL.THE.TIME. You think she's about to have a meaningful thing to say? nope, she's checking out Kaidan's ass. Think she'll have a deep convo with another npc about one another? nope! she wants them to tell her all about Kaidan. Both the Companions and Erik will either talk down to her or have to deal with her thirst for Kaidan. i had to start leaving her home.

They also suffered from the same tonal whiplash as Kaidan, unfortunately

additionally, the mod added an "early flirt switch" - you could basically toggle Kaidan to start showing romantic affection for the Dragonborn before the amulet of mara., the interactions were good on paper, but everytime he stammered and stumbled over his words it was written in such an unnatural way... pls people don't talk like fanfics lol !!!

I did like that he gave me flowers, my inventory got full of them - but then he noticed how many flowers I had in my inventory and judged me for "picking everything i see" ugh dude you gave them to me, but also even if you hadnt... mind your business lol

Another addition was a feature that basically made it so NPCs could potentially throw flirtatious comments at Kaidan and the Dragonborn (Bishop flashbacks😨)

You can't do anything to defend Kaidan from those comments, but he WILL take it upon himself to defend your honor infront of any men, women, jarls, or criminals that even so much as find you attractive (THIS INCLUDES FARKAS AND VILKAS BTW :( ) by being rude, forthcoming, AND violent. so yea, you can guess the target audience

speaking of which, he definitely comes on too strong on you once you start the romance, and it left a bad taste in my mouth. I specifically picked the "go slow" option for the romance, and the next day or two it was him constantly complaining about having to go slow under his breath, how he wanted to do anything but slow rn... and like just, wow. :/ yikeees lmao

Maybe this is the result of "i can fix him" romance ideals? im sorry but I liked him when he was down to earth

Bonus? He comes with a campsite now, which has to be magic because its ginormous and he somehow lugs it around despite it also coming with a whole ass furnace (fine fine i'll hold my disbelief)

anyway I do like it, its basically a player house you can take anywhere (so long as kai is with you ig) also you can have a cat in there

I like that there is an MCM, I like that the MCM lets you get through the quest stages in case you get stuck

I like that he can guide you places, usually he gets stuck in a tree or rock but its the thought that counts

I think if the mod had continued in the vein as its original iteration when it was just audio/bug fixes and included these qol features it would have been better than it is now.

But it seems maybe i'm just not the target audience, and as a young woman I'm really confused as who the target audience is 😓

okay im srry rant over

if anyone else wants me to yap about other kaidan skyrim things also ask or join in cuz i like yapping about skyrim and kaidan to people!!!

[dropintomanga]

The Accidental Trauma of the Negators (Undead Unluck)

The past few years, the word trauma has been thrown around a lot. Everyone's going through something. While one can argue who is suffering more, there's one thing that's certain - we still don't know how to talk about trauma in a healthy manner that heals everyone involved.

And I see this in the case of the Negators in Yoshifumi Tozuka's Undead Unluck.

Undead Unluck starts off with a young girl named Fuuko Izumo wanting to kill herself after causing a lot of death around her. She curses how unlucky she is until a mysterious person named Andy shows up to save her. Andy is someone who is looking to die as he is living a virtually-immortal existence. He believes Fuuko is the key to dying and decides to drag her on an adventure that would end up joining an organization made up of people with unique powers like themselves called Negators.

The Negators are individuals that have abilities that negate certain rules placed by the God of their world and by beings known as Uma. These abilities usually start with an "Un-" prefix, so Undead and Unluck are on the list. How those abilities are activated can be random, but there's consequences. Once Negators awaken to their power, they end up causing tragedy to those they love and most of the time, they kill them.

I'll talk about 3 Negators in particular.

Fuuko Izumo (Unluck) - Due to her ability to generate extremely bad luck on those she loved the most, her parents were killed in an airplane crash when she was 8 and with them. Three years later, Fuuko kissed her grandfather and he ended up dying some time after

Tatiana (Untouchable) - Her Negator ability activated at the age of 5 and destroyed an entire town as anything near her would be incinerated, including her parents.

Chikara Shigeno (Unmove) - When his Negator ability activated, he accidentally caused his parents to not be able to move by looking directly at them in front a speeding truck. Hence their imminent deaths.

You can guess why I want to talk about those 3 in particular - because they accidentally killed their parents.

In mental health, there have been cases of people living with mental illness who killed their family members. While this may not be shocking to some, it's still harboring to hear and a risque subject to talk about. Years ago, while working the front desk at my local NAMI, I took a phone call from a woman who was looking to inquire about what to do regarding her brother, who killed their parents. She was in tears and I said I understood and transferred her over to the helpline.

I recently listened to two stories about people who accidentally took the lives of others. One story focused on a woman who ran over a homeless person near an expressway. While she was mourning the loss and processing what she did, everyone around her was like "Oh, that person was just an outcast to society. You don't need to mourn them." The woman didn't know how to take that. The second story was about a man who was struggling with alcohol addiction for years. Things came to a head when he killed a small group of family members while drunk driving. While the man is making amends through advocacy work against drunk driving, he can't help but wonder if he will truly be forgiven for what he did.

What's scary is when you accidentally kill someone, it's easy to let the trauma define your entire identity. Fuuko, Tatiana and Chikara were like this before meeting Andy. They were afraid that their powers couldn't help anyone. They felt that they couldn't redeem themselves no matter what. If the 3 of them can't get close to anyone anymore, then so be it.

Thankfully, all three have managed to find ways to cope and grow. Fuuko realizes how much her power can save lives and knows how much her parents loved her. The best thing Fuuko can do was live and protect those she cares about just like her parents once did. Tatiana felt the same after Fuuko befriends her without judgement of her past actions. Chikara admits that his parents want him to live first and foremost while being kind to those who need it.

I will not lie that society will always judge anything violent in a black or white manner. I just wish that those who know they did something devastating are treated with compassion by more than just people similar to them. In Undead Unluck, the Negators only get sympathy from fellow Negators. The God who "blesses" them only sees them as pawns to be played with.

It's okay if you can't forgive yourself as long as you don't fall into total despair. Try to make the world around you a better place. If you can't, then definitely make your inner world a better place. And definitely find a community that you can feel safe and at peace with. This is why I appreciate Undead Unluck and understand why it was made a big deal at Anime NYC in 2023. Community (and some professional help) goes a long way to heal the trauma.

And more importantly, try to honor the victims as best you can. Do good for their sake.

There's absolutely no good card for this at all, but shrinking yourself to the abyss and wanting to die like some Negators have felt is not a good answer to live up to any grave mistakes you made. Do the UN-believable and prove to the awful voice that unfairly blames you that you are so much more than what you did.

If you are or know someone who accidentally hurt or killed someone, the Hyacinth Fellowship is a place to find help and I totally recommend visiting their website at: https://hyacinthfellowship.org/

[obey-me-headquarters]

do you have any SOFT(!!!!!!) pet au thoughts you haven’t got to talk about? your destorying lucifer’s egg post destroyed me so please don’t kill me again

Gosh, it's been a hot minute since I've thought about this au. But it still remains one of my favorites! Here are some soft headcanons I have for the au (along with some other random hcs, as I have a lot of Thoughts for this au that I've been waiting to Spill!!!)

This is more of a world building headcanon, but I imagine that demons like to sleep in nests. Usually this just means they get a old blanket or two from their owner, and the demon will curl up on the ground with it. Which makes you so confusing. When they come to your house and you have a fully decked out nest, with a collection of different blankets, all different textures and weights. What was even more surprising was the futon you laid out for them. For once they had the option to sleep on something that wasn't hardwood or, if they were lucky, carpet.

This is less of a headcanon, and more of something I assume as Canon in every (soft) pet au, but I always assume that the reader has all 7 demon brothers, or will get all 7 brothers once one of the brothers settle in and tell the reader about their brothers. Then the reader will track down each brother and adopt them. I also imagine that another reader (usually different from the reader who has all the brothers) adopted Diavolo, Barbatos, and Simeon. I imagine that the reader will adopt Diavolo first and then get Barbatos to help them take care of Diavolo because he's a high-class demon. I don't have a concrete idea on how they acquire Simeon after, but I think it would be an accident. Like they found Simeon abandoned and brought him home. I also like to imagine that both readers co exist in the same world, just because I don't like imagine one group not having a kind reader.

Out of all of them, I definitely think Diavolo is the most touch starved. He just isn't used to being touched gently. At least with the brothers, they all had each other at some point. Simeon is an angel, so he's been thought of as a more "softer" pet, and thus, humans wouldn't be opposed to cuddling with him or giving him a hug. Barbatos hasn't been touched much, but he is still very well behaved, so once in a blue moon, he would have gotten a gentle head rub. Plus, Barbatos thinks being a good pet means that he shouldn't want for anything, so it's not like Barbatos is begging his owners for cuddles.

Diavolo, on the other hand, wants to be cuddled. He wants to be kissed and held and for his owner to run their fingers through his hair. But he never had a litter mate, and he's a very high-class demon. So his previous owners were a little afraid of getting too close to him because they were worried he might lash out (even though that was furthest from the truth).

So when you come along and start casually touching him, Diavolo absolutely melts. You could playfully ruffle his hair as you walk past him, and Diavolo will get stars in his eyes, and thank you a million times. He will roll over and show you his belly if you so much as glance at him. When Diavolo realizes that you intend to keep softly touching him, he gets absolutely addicted. He knew he was touch starved before, but now it's like he's a thirsty man in a desert who just got a drop of water.

He's absolutely clinging to you, hands around your ankles, head rubbing against your thighs. He doesn't even care if he gets punished for being so needy. He just needs you so bad he'll accept any treatment you give him.

Lucifer is definitely like one of those cats who pretends like it's a completely coincidence that you two are in the same room. Sure, he wouldn't go into the living room all day, but when you go into it and start watching TV, he suddenly needs to be in there too. He won't engage with you. He won't even glance at whatever you're watching. If you offer a seat next to you, he'll scrunch up his nose and refuse.

But he'll watch you, of course you'll never catch him eyeing you. Whenever you turn to look at him, his gaze is somewhere else, but the moment you turn your focus back to the TV, you feel his eyes back on you. Slowly, he'll start moving closer to you, so quietly thar you don't even notice until you feel a weight against your leg and you look down to see Lucifer leaning against you, his gaze still nowhere near you.

Mammon definitely hides his valuables under furniture. He also has a pretty lose definition of what is "valuable," so basically, anything shiny gets pushed under the couch. He thinks he's being sooooo sneaky with hiding his stuff.

You drop the remote under the couch and find like necklace pendants, dead batteries, tinfoil, shot glasses, and like 50 pennies. He pretends that those things have ALWAYS been under your couch! But he gets all pissy if you try to take anything away.

He also hides all the toys you buy him. You'll buy himself something new and the next day it is gone. If you ask for it, Mammon will likely go get it to show that it's safe, but he refuses to tell you where he hidden it away.

Asmo LOVES Pinterest and has, like, a billion boards. He also somehow has 100k followers on it? He gets absolutely obsessed about the different room aesthetics, and there have been many times where you come home and see a completely new living room. He's one of your demons that can NOT be trusted with an unlimited credit card. He WILL spend three grand on fairy lights and will not be sorry about it.

Beel loves eating from your hands. He's a bit embarrassed admitting it, so it's just a fantasy for a while. Until you fed one of the brothers (probably Mammon, tbh, when he proclaimed he wasn't going to eat something he ate many times before. So you tried to convince him by holding it up to him by your fingers) and Beel couldn't help the sting of envy. Beel always found it was easier to admit he wanted something when someone else got it first.

So he shyly knocked on your door, holding an armful of his favorite snacks. It still takes him a minute to admit what he wants, and he's so grateful when you catch on and ask if he wants you to feed him. After that, your private snack time becomes a common occurrence.

Levi loves to redecorate his tank. He loves having his own space that is completely his, something that was a foreign concept to him before you took him in.

Barbatos will never admit it, but he can't stand the cold at all. He tries his best to hide this fact, and he's usually able to keep this hidden from his past masters (he doesn't like to think about the ones who figured it out), and when you first take him in he was determined to keep this a secret from you. Even when you're so nice to him, even when you give him comforts, no one else did, even when you don't punish him. This only moves him to keep his secret more, as he believes he shouldn't "trouble" you.

You only find out about his secret when you two are cuddling together in bed one winter night. It's a little chilly, and you think about turning up the heat. But before you can get up, you feel Barbatos shiver and cuddle closer to you. When you feel him shiver, you know instantly that he isn't a fan of the colder weather.

It makes sense. He is a cold-blooded demon. So you have no problem keeping the house warmer. You also buy Barbatos his very own collection of heated blankets. One for his own nest, one for your bed, one for the couch, and a few scattered around.

Barbatos knows that he's been found out the moment you present the blankets to him, but he can't find it in him to be scared like he did with previous owners. He knows that you'll never take advantage of his weaknesses to create harsher punishments for him. Plus, he finds that he quite likes to be taken care of.

I actually have a whole headcanon on how Solomon becomes a pet even though he's a human. I haven't had the chance to share it until now, so here you go!

So, I imagine that Solomon owned pets himself, he actually owned a lot of them (Asmo and Barbatos included, though maybe not in the same time frame). He wasn't a cruel owner, though maybe a bit neglectful as he was very focused on his studies. He mainly kept demons to study on and obtain demonic powers. He archived immortality by doing this, but it also came with a price; his soul was seen as more demonic than human.

So when he gets found by other humans, they assume he's a wild demon in hiding. So he gets put in a pound. No amount of convincing from Solomon makes the workers see the truth. They have heard dozens of stories from demons in their human forms arguing that they're really a human.

Solomon spends a long while as a pet, going from different owner's hands. He finally understands some of his previous demons behaviors, as the lessons get drilled into him.

When you take him in Solomon has been pretty broken in, believing that he's really just a pet. Through your kindness does he start to regain some of his humanity, and learn that he doesn't mind being a pet if he's your pet.

[a-d-nox]

web of wyrd: lesson from the motherly energy in your life / how you feel your emotions

the number we are focusing on today is based on the SUM YOUR HIGHEST SELF NUMBER AND YOUR DESTINY NUMBER (ex: my highest self number is 10 and my destiny number is 2: 10 + 2 -> 12 (recall that numbers must be summed a second time if they total 23 (i.e. 2 + 3 -> 5) and above)).

but what does this number mean?

this number represents how we feel our emotions - not how they are expressed, rather there truest form. by truest form i mean the emotions that you may not be capable of naming and how you internalize these emotions (possibly even why you do). it is also the first number in our "female generational line"; often it is symbolic of the first female energy we interact with in life which is typically our mothers - so this is the biggest lesson we learn from our mother figures as well.

so let's talk about some examples:

12 - the hanged man

click here for the card description of the hanged man found in a prior wyrd web post.

12s tend to get a bit stuck in their head when they are dealing with their emotions. they can be prone to anxiety because they are constantly analyzing "what ifs" and trying to think about what everyone else is feeling. while seeing things from other people's perspectives. this is a noble task; but should not be done in excess. they can both be the person who struggles to be vulnerable and masters of vulnerability. they should never fight how they feel; they must learn to accept their feelings as they are.

12s learned patience from their mother, as well as how to think beyond themselves. at a young age, they may have felt that their mother was omniscient, but as they age, they may realize that their mother's "wisdom" was because of circumstance - these mothers often had a child young and were "forced to grow up". they could also have learned stillness/relaxation from their mother.

15 - the devil

click here for the card description of the devil found in a prior wyrd web post.

15s tend to have toxic emotional patterns - they can be extremists; wanting all or nothing. they can also be prone to turning to substances to "help" them cope (drugs, alcohol, etc.). but they also have resilience on their side - they can acknowledge their problem(s) and get the help needed to move forward instead of being stuck or feeling trapped by their addiction. they also are prone to self-sabotage - they overthink their emotions and they get stuck. they can escape all this though - they do not have to be slaves to their emotions. all they have to do is ask for help/reassurance.

15s likely don't get along with their mother. their mother can bring toxicity into their life that causes unnecessary trauma/drama to them. their mother could have struggled with addiction, which caused them to have to take care of their mother instead of their mother taking care of them (if their mothers aren't addicts, they typically do still mother - or care for in a long term sense for - their mother). their mother could have modeled codependency for them; which could cause trouble with how they view romance. their mother, alternatively, could have been a symbol of resilience for them - they could have rose above a toxic relationship or tough past.

17 - the star

rider-white's the star depicts a nude blonde woman kneeling near a bed of water. one of her feet is atop the water; symbolizing her connection to energy flow - both the earthly and spiritual. instead of looking at the viewer, right, left, or even up at the star - she looks down as the rippling water, focusing solely on the action in front of her that lends to the left of the card (the passive side). however, she doesn't not pay attention to the other jug she pores out behind her to the right of the card (the futuristic side). while she is focused on her present and paying homage to her past, she is also "unconsciously" nurturing her future.

17s experience a lot of pain in their lifetime and go through a lot of stuff they simply struggle to define. "it's just growing pains" could be a phrase they heard a lot as means to dismiss them and how they felt. while it is true that they change and transform often - it's because they are comparing how they used to feel to how they presently feel that can cause them to feel stuck or as though they are in shock. how could it be that one day they are fine and now not so much? these people have an incredible gift to be hopeful and faithful in times of despair - they will find something to make them feel better; they will feel better one day. have hope because the answer is here somewhere.

17s likely had a crunchy-granola mom - very hippie like. they could have been anything from a holy-roller who turns to faith for all things to the type who believed in alternative medicines. they could have learned how to have hope and faith from there maternal figure. their mother could be a creative who encouraged their child to create and dream. their mothers are likely a source of inspiration for them.

that's all for today. the next number we will be looking at is the one at the very bottom center-most number!

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© a-d-nox 2023 all rights reserved

[mothdruid]

oh my god abby! happy early birthday!!! 🥳🎂🎉🎊🎁🎈for your prompt party - bradley (ofc 💁🏼‍♀️) with:

“hey - in case no-one else’s said it, you’ve been doing some really great work lately. i really apprec- i mean, all of us really appreciate it.” (tbh all of these coworker prompts were so so cute i could pick 10 of them)

I love this request!!! coworker bradley is one of my favorite things! I hope you enjoy it!!

Soreness was aching through your upper back and shoulders. Your eyes were starting to become sore too. You rolled your shoulders back, stretching out your shoulders and neck. After that you slipped your glasses off and tossed them onto your desk. Haphazardly you looked at your computer screen, the warm light obscuring the tone.

The past few weeks at work had you working like a mad man. Late nights, skipped meals, and way too much coffee. It probably was terrible for the caffeine addiction you were already trying to work on. All of it was probably worse for your workaholic nature. But there were deadlines and you were really trying to get the next promotion that came up.

Was it all worth it though? Even though you had sworn that you wouldn't give your entire self over to this job, but here you were, giving yourself over to it. Well, you hadn't done so until you heard a small bird talk about how they are going to make a marketing manager position in two spots. Since then you were working way too much.

You rested your elbows on your desk, arching your back forward then backwards. The little cat cow stretch was something of a friend lately, helping to ease your back pain a little bit. As you were stretching your back forward a small knock could be heard. You sat back up and turned around in your chair. Soft hazel eyes were looking at you through a pair of lenses.

"Hey, Bradley," you smiled at him.

God, he looked perfect as always. Brown hair tousled perfectly and sleeves rolled up, showing off his forearms perfectly. Those gorgeous forearms that you had dreamed about regularly since starting your job. It made it hard to work with him, which was even worse to him technically being your superior.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked as he took a step further into your work space.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Eyes are just getting a little tired," you explained to him.

"Hate when that happens," Bradley offered a soft smile for reassurance, "but I just wanted to stop by for a minute."

"What's up?"

“In case no-one else’s said it, you’ve been doing some really great work lately. I really apprec- I mean, all of us really appreciate it.”

His words immediately went to your heart, causing it to stop for a moment while time seemed to slow down. A little fluttered when it started beating again. Heat was rising to you cheeks as you stared at him.

"Thank you, I'm just trying to really make sure things go smoothly." You were trying to skirt around his compliment. All your brains was focusing on was his wording.

"Seriously though, you've been putting a lot of extra time in. You've been here pulling a lot of late nights," Bradley started.

"Like I said, I just want to make things go smoothly."

"Well, they are and I was wondering if you'd let me buy you dinner or something," Bradley's words kind of fell out of his mouth, true word vomit.

You stared at him for a moment. You weren't sure if you had heard him right. You and him? Dinner? The heat in your cheeks started to radiate.

"I-"

"Because of work an-"

"I would love to."

don't forget to send some more blurbs in!

birthday blurb event!

[thisbuildinghasfeelings]

hi Anne! for nice ask week, if you were in a room with the lone star writers and could ask them one question, what would it be??

Ok, my first thought is to demand that they explain the timeline 😂 But the only purpose behind that would be my own satisfaction when they were unable to do it. I don't think I should waste my one question on petty spite.

Next, I considered asking "What is everything that happens to Tarlos in season 5?" But do I really want to know that ahead of time?? As much as I can barely stand waiting another 5 months to find out what happens in the next season, I don't really want the whole thing spoiled for me. Watching it play out and speculating about what will happen next is a big part of the enjoyment.

Then, I also considered "Tell me everything about TK's past" because I want to know so much more about his childhood, his addiction, his relationship with Enzo and with Owen's 2nd wife, etc. But actually, I kind of doubt that the writers have that developed in detail. I think on shows like this they probably only plan out what they need to. If they want to include some aspect of TK's past in a future episode, they will come up with it at the time. So I don't know if I would really get an answer to this from the writers that's more satisfying than the one I can create for myself from my own imagination, fic, and the pieces we already know from the show.

I have ultimately settled on "Can you tell me everything that you were going to include in season 4 but didn't?" because there's a lot I want to know. Originally, there were different titles for the final two episodes: "Off the Rails" and "Two Weddings and a Train Wreck." Were these just working titles as they were breaking the episodes? Did they actually have episodes written that fit these titles only to completely change them? Or were the titles just some kind of decoy?

And Rafa talked a bit in post-finale interviews about how events in the last few episodes were moved around. It looks like the Gabriel storyline was supposed to begin in 4x16, which is clear when you look at the fact that Carlos is wearing the same outfit in the scene where Owen calls them about his Huntington's test results in 4x16 and the scene where Carlos asks Gabriel to be his best man in 4x17:

I think it's clear these scenes were supposed to be the same episode.

We see the same kind of thing in the way that TK and Carlos are wearing the same outfits in this scene that was later replaced by the soulmates scene:

and the scene where Gabriel comes to the loft in 4x17:

Obviously, the Gabriel stuff and the Huntington's stuff was happening simultaneously, probably in 4x16. But then what was happening in 4x17 and 4x18?? Was there more wedding? (Probably not) More Carlos spiraling after his father's death? Were they going to just have the Wyatt stuff happen in 4x17? But that doesn't really seem like it gives enough time for that story to play out by the end of the season. There's just so much I want to know!! That would be the question I would ask because I think it would give me the most interesting answer.

[venusinsilk]

My best friend was dating a narcissist and I saw some red flags early on but she's a psychologist with a fucking doctorate degree so I kind of kept my thoughts to myself for the first idk 6 months they were seeing each other. I guess I assumed she would see the signs for herself and make a decision to engage with him. I also didn't want to ruin the honeymoon period she was going through because she genuinely seemed so happy.

They are coworkers. I already gave her my 2 cents and said she was taking a risk having sex with a coworker. I've done it too, it happens to a lot of people and there are varying consequences.

There were so many signs he was a piece of shit. He wouldn't let her in his house. My reaction was naturally "what's inside the house? What is he hiding?" We would laugh about it but the only time she went there, he said he had to run inside to grab clothes and he had her wait in the car.

When she brought him to dinner to meet me and my bf, he was super reserved and didn't say much. At the time when he visited, I also had 2 friends staying at my house over the weekend. They're a couple, and one of them does bdsm/dominatrix work when she visits us because she has a lot of clients in this area. They didn't go out to dinner with us, but I suggested going back to my place for drinks after dinner. So we go home and naturally the couple joins us in the kitchen for beer or wine. And one of them (the one who is the partner of the sex worker) recognizes the coworker. "I feel like I've met you before," she says to him. "I get that a lot" he says, and doesn't elaborate. He is super quiet and hardly engages with any of us. After my bestie and her coworker/boyfriend leave, the couple staying with us tells me that they definitely recognized him from work- either a sex party or he was a past client. They also ask me to keep it a secret, because they aren't 100% sure and don't want to cause any drama in my friend's life, so I do keep it a secret.

My best friend didn't want to be in a monogamous relationship with him, but he begged her to be his girlfriend. So for only 6 months they were in a "relationship" where she only saw him, and presumably he was with her. But he wouldn't respond to her on weekends and she would frequently become frustrated, saying "I have a 'boyfriend' who doesn't talk to me." I had to finally look her in the eyes and tell her why I didn't like him and I didn't like the way he treated her and she finally broke it off with him at work the following week.

What was inside the house? A fucking family. A mother and child. His child.

After she broke up with him, she started receiving phone calls, texts and voicemails from 2 women- the mother of his child (who he lives with) and another coworker who was also "dating" him. She did not engage with either of them. But she was bombarded with information about his relationship with both of these women, and they demanded info from her.

Last night I went to her place and she told me all of this and more, and I told her about the sex worker friend recognizing him. We can definitely confirm that he's a sex addict and this probably isn't the first time the mother has discovered he had multiple partners.

I'm still reeling from this and so disturbed by the way this man moved so casually into my friend's life -- into MY LIFE -- and lied about everything to us and continues to hurt people around him with no consequences. I feel very inspired by that article about the barista smashing an asshole's windshield with a hammer and I would love to do something like that to him, but the other coworker he was sleeping with already slashed his tires and he had to file a restraining order.

[mini-detective-conan]

So, I just got back from testifying against my kidnapper, and I remembered during the trial that I forgot to tell you guys about the case I wanted to talk about, so here it is (Names obfuscated for obvious reasons):

Some time after school started in 1994 in a suburb in Paris, France, one of the professors at a local boarding school never showed up to work for weeks on end. There was no notice, no indication that he was ill or had quit, and the principal at the school didn't fire him or even know he was gone until staff notified him. He was the one that called the police and filed a missing persons report. So, naturally, the police begin digging into this guy that vanished and they essentially came across what I can only describe as a conspiracy goldmine. The professor, as it turns out, may have never even existed legally. All of his records were fake and shallowly fabricated, every single thing the man said he had done was a complete lie except for a few details (I will get into those later). And do you want to know the best part of this whole thing? When the police came to his registered lease of a house (which for some reason was in the middle of the local woods), they found it completely trashed. Any evidence of his existence in that house was completely ripped to shreds and destroyed. The only thing they could tell about the man was that he was a computer genius, he had a child, and that he was obviously on the run from something. Oh yeah, this man apparently had a child!

And according to personal accounts taken from the staff, it was his daughter, a sometimes-homeschooled, sometimes-not preteen that apparently he registered himself under a ton of false records.

Like, the child didn't even have a birth certificate or any names registered. The only things tied to her existence were vaccine records (which were, despite being confirmed as being legitimate, were altered significantly so that every detail about her personally was false) and personal eye-witness accounts from the professor's colleagues.

As you can tell, this practically was begging to be turned into a cold case. The police were unable to find anything that could've indicated their fates other than the house, so they came to the conclusion that the two were kidnapped by someone with a lot of resources and just left it at that. Now, I don't have to be exaggerating when I say that this case got me hooked when I first heard about it. Not because of any personal reasons, obviously, but because of how mysterious it is.

Despite working at this school for several years and being considered just a simple science professor, this man somehow has the shadiest and craziest existence out of any victims or suspects that I've had to read about in the past. Everything about the man is fabricated or at least seriously ofuscated. Its like this man just popped into existence with his daughter legally, and I've been kind of hoping to be the first person to actually make a step forward in this case for the first time in several years. Just something about it is so addicting. So many mysteries, laid one on top of the other. It's got me hooked!

I legitimately want to know how he did, how he completely fabricated his entire existence, and why?

Was he on the run? Was he under witness protection so deep not even the French Government could decipher it? Was he just simply someone in the wrong place in the wrong time?

See what I mean when I say this case is incredibly addicting?

[helenofsimblr]

Random questions time. 1) Who is your toughest character? 2) Which character is the most cowardly? 3) Which character has an issue with gambling? 4) Which character smokes the most? 5) Who is the strongest character? 6) Who is the most lonely character? 7) What character drinks too much? 8) Do any characters speak more than one language? 9) Which character will be the most fun to talk to? 10) Are there any characters who are dealing with mental health issues?

Ah brave Sir Knight, some lovely questions. And I will give my honest opinions and @sparkiekong can also take a peek too.

The toughest character IMO has to be everybody favourite Noir Detective, Nick Gould. Sure, he's just an ordinary man, but he is hard as nails and grizzeled.

2. I think the most cowardly character has got to be Arnold. He puts on this tough guy big boss kind of front, but in the end he's scared of a lot of things. He wouldn't even fight Guy before Guy got his strength.

3. A character with gambling issues... I have to say on my side of the KSU I have no characters that have struggled with gambling addictions. Quite possibly though I think maybe Jimmy - Lysa's fiancée - probably liked a flutter on the horses in his young day.

4. Oh... Mama Kevari, easily! There is nobody in the KSU past of present that would out puff Mama K.

5. If by strongest, you mean physically, that'd be Kali. She has been given Isotope 10 by Dr Eichler which outperforms everything that came before.

6. That is a very tough question, I think actually in a way, I would John is the loneliest, he has been through a lot, and he lost his twin sister in a violent attack, so overall, I'd say John is the lonliest in the KSU.

7. Honestly, much as I am pained to say this because I love him a lot... I think Ozen is the answer to this question, but this was a close tie with Lyra or Nick Gould. Ozen though has always had a love affair with booze and girls, and though in recent episodes he has progressed greatly, the drink has always been Ozen's little weakness.

8. Great question, lots of characters speak more than one language in story, Ozen, Morrigan, Stella, Triton, Mama K, Sanjay Kapoor & his fiancee Amara, Tynas, the Van Richtens (all four of them), are all at least bilingual off the top of my head. Mask Lady, aka Fidda speaks a ton of languages.

9. I think for sure Ozen, Jimmy, Mama K (if you can endure fogs of cigar smoke), surprisingly, I think Kane Fredrickson would be fun to talk to even though he's a bit of a shit.

10. Hard to answer this one without giving away spoilers, both in my side and @sparkiekong 's side. Lyra for one went through a lot, and one has to question just how much better her mental health really is? Cat in kong's side is going through a living hell right now with Kali, Cat got so stressed that Kali even drove her to start smoking it seems. What about Arnold? He doesn't seem the most stable, or maybe he's just evil?

Thanks for the ask and if there are more random questions, don't hesitate to send them! We love a Q+A round here!

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

I'm surprised you didn't think the Logan Paul podcast was a big deal. What it showed, to my mind, was an alcoholic who had been manipulated into coming on the show drunk (iirc they were plying him with whisky?). There was at least one point near the end where they were directly goading him into saying why he was there at an NFT conference, and he looked like an idiot, quite frankly. I felt they were deliberately humiliating him for content. Amazed that wouldn't make an impression on you.

But apart from that, some of the things he said were just...chilling. A man telling us he had nothing inside of himself, that he was clinically insane, that he had no ideas because he never learned what he liked (he was 29? 30? by this point). He came across as cold-eyed and heartless about others, more than once. The self-aggrandisement in itself seemed like a symptom of something bigger than just being drunk. What I took away from the whole thing was that he probably had some sort of personality disorder. I don't say this to dunk on the man, I clearly remember thinking he needed a lot of help.

I suppose I am asking: why didn't you think any of this - and I only touched on a fraction of it - why didn't it seem like a big deal to you? He was clearly very unwell!

I didn't think it was a big deal, because I'd been paying attention to what Liam had been saying over the years. I'd read his interviews seen the programme he did with Ant. Nothing in that interview surprised me, because it wasn't new.

I think it was 2018 that Liam started going into detail about mental health and addiction struggles. He said that he'd been on drugs so strong that he hadn't known what was going on during OTRA. He described needing to drink to do elements of his job (like music videos). He said that he was doing better.

Then, every interview after that was the same. He was sober now, but he had struggled i n the past. He'd describe in detail the way he was alternating between exercise and substances. He'd always present himself as doing better - and it became really clear that that wasn't true. That Liam was packaging pretend resolution to the interviewer, because that's what they wanted to hear - but he was really distressed all the time and couldn't find any way out.

Looking back it was probably the first time that he'd talked sober - but even that wasn't that different. He was still trying to make the interviewer happy - it was just a different interview who wanted a different thing.

[sweeethinny]

happiness in the midst of chaos

I was at the gym and I thought about it. I love writing about Harry and Sirius, even if this drabble isn't exactly about them only

-----

Harry observed with some suspicion the lively and somewhat secret conversation between Sirius and Hestia; his godfather was smiling in a way Harry had never seen before, leaning against the living room window as he smoked patiently, his freshly cut hair and clean shave made him look less old than before, and the anti-dark circles cream Tonks had bought it for Sirius seemed to be working. It was like seeing him really in his 35th year, and Harry wasn't very used to that.

"Oh, you still remember," Hestia chuckled softly and took another sip of the tea Molly had made. It was snowing and the house seemed colder than usual, even the fireplace was lit, and while everyone was talking in the living room, Ron and Hermione were playing chess — Ron was willing to teach her to be as good as him — Harry left looking for his godfather, missing the man who was just talking to him and Remus, until he found him in the other room, where there was the piano and the family tree that he hated so much.

Hestia seemed comfortable there, she didn't seem to care about the addiction that Harry hated that Sirius had started, the window was open so the smoke could escape and neither of them seemed to care about the gust of cold wind that came through.

The woman was an Auror, Harry had met her a few days ago, when there was a meeting at the house to talk about the ministry and something that they didn't let Harry know, as usual, and she seemed really nice. They didn't talk much, but she was pretty, and Sirius said she had gone to Hogwarts with them.

"Your dad and I loved to irritate her and your mum, Remus as always didn't show appreciation for our behavior, but laughed whenever we made one of them get scared or angry. It was fun, but I don't know how Hestia never slapped me on the face. Man, I deserved it a couple of times." His godfather had said when Harry asked where he knew her from, and Sirius seemed lost in that memory, later when he went down to drink water, he saw him writing a letter and drinking firewhiskey in the kitchen while listening to Muggle radio, the same as his uncles are used to listening.

Harry felt a little jealous, even if he didn't want to admit it, Hestia was stealing Sirius from him and honestly Harry had a lot of matters to discuss with Sirius, that year had barely started and things were already bizarre, all the dreams, and the fact that he had Being able to see what would happen to Arthur made him shiver at night, he really wanted Sirius to help him with that, and there was the whole issue with Cho too... but Sirius was busy, very busy.

"How is he?" Harry felt a little bad listening to their conversation, but honestly, he had done worse things than spy on someone.

"He died a few years ago," Hestia said, but her voice remained calm. "It took a while, I honestly don't know how he got past sixty. But his liver stopped working, the healers had warned him that all that drinking would do that to him at some point, but you remember what my father was like and... It was better."

"And your brothers?" Harry watched as Hestia shrugged.

"I never saw them again. They didn't like me very much anymore, right? Then, after dad died, we just stopped talking to each other. I guess oddly enough, it was just him who still kept us close."

"Oh shit, I know I didn't like them but… Sorry, I think I know how it feels..." Sirius looked sadder than she did, and Harry thought he must be thinking about Regulus. Hestia seemed to think that too because now it was her comforting him, her hand on his arm and a gentle smile on her face.

"I'm sorry about Reg, life sucks." Sirius shrugged and then threw the rest of the cigarette away, closed the window, but remained there. Just like Hestia. None of them seemed willing to go back to the room where everyone was.

"Yes, but… It happens. It's impossible not to die in this situation, let's be honest, there are only so many people alive among the Death Eaters because they aren't acting as actively as before." Sirius said, but then changed the subject "Did you inherit the ice cream shop?" 

"Yes, I hired staff and I go there from time to time, but I worked for a few more years until I got a job as an Auror. Moody wasn't boss at the time and things weren't easy." She laughed, and so did Sirius. He had smiled more times in those few minutes than in all the past months.

"I have to go there again, confirm that salted caramel is still my favorite ice cream." Oh no, Sirius moved just a millimeter closer to Hestia, but enough for Harry to take a step back. He didn't want to see this, and he knew exactly what would happen.

He didn't hear Hestia's response, nor why she laughed and then remained silent, ran into the living room again and lied that he was in the room looking for something, his cheeks flushed. 

"Where is Sirius?" Remus asked, sitting by the fire reading the wizarding newspaper, legs stretched out and looking less worried than he normally did.

"I don't know," Harry shrugged, trying to sound normal. "I think he went outside to smoke."

"God, I already told him to stop it, he's going to die before he's fifty if he keeps going like this." Lupin denied, drinking more of his tea. "Delicious Molly." He raised the cup towards the matriarch who smiled in gratitude.

It was more than half an hour before Sirius reappeared, he said that Hestia was gone and he was left thinking about everything that was happening. Harry didn't think Lupin believed him, especially because when everyone was distracted again with their own things, he pointed to the pink lipstick stain on the corner of Sirius' mouth, which Sirius quickly wiped off and pretended nothing happened, going over to Harry to talk about school. 

Harry also pretended that he knew nothing, but secretly he shared the feeling of jealousy at having to share his godfather with the feeling of happiness at seeing him happier and more… alive.

[yukidragon]

Okay, another question. What if, Jack chose to try to distance MC and the former coworker/Actor but they end up talking to them about Sunny Day Jack and his past (After the Mc sees some evidence of them knowing about the show) What would happen when Jack finds out? How bad would the reprocussions be?

Hmm... I imagine it would probably be affected by how secure Jack feels in his relationship with MC and what they want to do with the information about his former identity. I did touch on the idea of how Jack might react to MC investigating his past here, here, and here, so I imagine that would apply to this situation as well.

It also probably would depend on the person giving the information and how they felt about Joseph. After all... I imagine it would hit Jack differently if the person was badmouthing Joseph... or calling him a good man.

Really, it might shock Jack to know that people who used to know him as Joseph remember him as a good person. I mean, he acts like the person he used to be wasn't clean. Is it because he didn't feel loved, or did he do something to warrant the feeling that he wasn't clean? Did he have a secret life he kept from even his friends back then that left him feeling dirty? Perhaps... an addiction to drugs? Dirty deals behind the scenes?

There's so much we don't know about what happened behind the scenes of the SunnyTime Crew Show, or the people who worked on it. At this point, we're left to speculate wildly based off the few clues we have.

I mean, heck, I'm still trying to hammer down details for Sunshine in Hell myself. There are just so many possibilities, and as you might have noticed from how many headcanon rambles I have in the tag, I have a lot of different ideas about the series. New teasers and different perspectives the others have come up with in the fandom have left me waffling on how exactly things went down at Lambswork.

I've long since accepted that my story is going to be an AU from the game's canon and that my headcanons have some divergence already with obviously even more to come, but it's still intimidating coming up with something that is no doubt going to be wildly off script from what'll be in the game. A part of me wants to wait and see for more info, but another part of me doesn't want to leave people waiting too long for the full story.

I'm starting to get off topic, sorry about that. But the point I'm trying to make is that a lot of it comes down to what happened during Joseph's time at Lambswork. How did he die? Who did it? Who was Joseph close to at that time? What did people think about him verses the character he portrayed? Who did he dislike or vice-versa? Why does he think of himself as unclean?

The best way to figure out how Jack might react is considering the answers to these questions for your own fic, I think. Until the game comes out and we get to see the full story, we're left to make up our own headcanons about what happened at Lambswork.

Sorry if I wasn't able to give a more concrete answer, but this is definitely a part of the story that's a big mystery, so it's hard to pin down what Jack might do or how far he'll go when it comes to his past. Only SnaccPop Studios knows for sure at this point.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur