#i don't say these things out loud at all bc i know it's cruel but i have hit my limit! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wandas-luvr · 1 year ago

Text

you know just how to be cruel

pairing: leigh shaw x fem!reader

summary: leigh comes over in the middle of the night to ask you a favor.

warnings: 18+ minors dni! soft(ish)dom!leigh (she is still her regular amount of mean), idk probably mommy kink undertones because that's how i live now, fingering (r receiving), oral (r receiving), praise, criminal amounts of teasing, leigh being a rude, condescending bitch but she makes it up to you, leigh being unrightfully possessive (but it's okay bc it's hot), mediocre aftercare bc leigh

you look at the clock on your phone as you hear a loud, repetitive knock at your door. you ignore it, deciding no good could come from suspicious knocking at 3:45 am on a thursday, sighing and turning over, getting sucked back into whatever trashy reality tv show was coming on.

then your phone buzzes. once. twice. three times in the span of a minute. before you even get the chance to pick it up to see who it is, you receive a call. you look at the caller id suspiciously: leigh shaw. you click to answer immediately, having heard the news about her husband just recently, wondering if she was calling after missing your condolences call when you were told.

before you could even get a word out you here her voice on the other end of the line. short and clipped, no room to argue or joke with her.

"i'm outside, let me in, it's cold out."

you get up and walk to the door, eyebrows furrowed, wondering why on earth leigh shaw would show up to your door at this hour, especially after what had happened with matt. upon opening you see leigh, clearly upset, but not appearing to be sad. the only thing you can see in her eyes is anger.

"leigh, what are you..?" you cut yourself off, not wanting to upset her more or make her feel unwelcome, "are you okay?"

she scoffs at you, rolling her eyes and walking straight past you into your home.

"don't do that, you know better."

you sigh, clearly, this would not be a very pleasant night.

"you're right, i'm sorry. i'll ask again, but if you get pissed, remember you're the one who told me to say it. what the fuck are you doing here?"

"better. lose the tone next time though, it's not cute on you. i need you to do me a favor."

you chuckle slightly, trying to lighten the mood or at least diffuse the tension the elephant in the room has been creating since she stepped into your apartment.

"awfully big talk for someone who is very rudely asking me for a favor."

"my husband died a month ago, i don't have to ask your permission to be bitter. and last time i checked, you weren't in charge of me."

you knew exactly what she was talking about. before she had met matt, she asked you to experiment with her, leading you through a series of heartbreaks and letdowns until you couldn't face it anymore and left her. throughout the six months the two of you were "together" she took you on a totally of five dates, showing up late to three of them. you had begun to feel like all she used you for was sex, and you simply couldn't bear it anymore. not when you were aching for her to love you the way she told you she did.

you look away, biting your lip, taking a deep breath to collect yourself. you didn't want to set her off, and she clearly wasn't in the right place to hear that she wasn't in charge of you either.

she walks towards you slowly, lifting your chin to encourage you to look up into her eyes, tucking a stray hair behind your ear.

"you know what i'm here for, baby." she smiled, sickeningly sweet, with a condescending scrunch of her eyebrows and nod of her head. "the question is: are you gonna give it to me? hm?"

you freeze, you feel your chest constricting and can hear yourself swallow thickly, as you consider. ethically, you know it's wrong. you know it will only crush you and give leigh the quick distraction shes looking for, nothing more, but you can't help it. everything about her makes you lightheaded and weak in the knees, and you knew she'd take care of you, she always had been so generous.

"leigh...i don't think-"

"shh, baby, that's why it's perfect. you don't need to think with me, remember?" she looks into your eyes, looking for any signs of true unwillingness, before pressing the softest of kisses just behind your ear. you can feel her smile against your skin as your breath hitches, or course she remembered.

"love..?" she trails off, waiting for some sign of a response from you, settling for a simple look into her eyes. "are you gonna let me fuck you? make you feel good just like i used to?"

you bite your lip, nodding, mumbling a quiet "please.."

you watch the grin spread across her face, she knew she had you the moment you opened the door.

"see! i knew you'd remember how much you missed me!" she pushes you back toward your couch, leading you to sit on the arm as she stands between your legs, wrapping you up in a deep, heated kiss. "hmmm, that's my girl."

you almost retort, going to tell her she has no right to call you that, when, as if she could sense it, she tugged on your hair, clearly a preventative warning to watch your mouth.

as a reward for your obedience, you feel her lips start to move downward, drifting to your cheek, then your jaw, down to your neck, clearly leaving bruises in her wake.

she chuckles against your skin, hot breath tickling your neck, when you instinctively tip your head to give her more room. smiling at the way she'd created a pattern of muscle memory in you that would never fade no matter how many years passed.

you feel her hands untangle from your hair and drop to your thighs, before she pulls back to look at you: flushed and breathless before she'd even started with you. she gently rubs her thumbs in place, causing you to squirm towards her, barely stifling an embarrassing whine. you internally cringe as you can see the gears turning in her head, watching her piece together your reactions, before she gasps softly, clearly having figured you out.

"awww, sweetheart, it's been a while hasn't it? no one's touched you in so long, i bet you're just soaked," her hands drift towards your pajamas shorts, her fingers pulling the flimsy material aside to get a pick at your panties. "oh, honey, look at you. you made such a mess for me! oh, i bet you're just aching, aren't you?"

you nod, canting your hips up as you feel her fingertips barely ghosting along the gusset of your panties. she shoots you a look, cowing you immediately, your pleasure had always been on her terms.

she smiles, before clearly growing impatient herself, pulling your panties to the side and lightly running two fingers between your folds. a shiver wracks your body as she gasps at your wetness, playing with it between her fingers cockily. something about her soft smirk would never fail to make you clench around nothing.

you feel her fingers run up your slit as slow as human possible, until they finally reach your clit, your head tipping back and mouth opening the minute her fingers so much as graze it.

"awww," she exclaims through a chuckle, "god, you really were aching for it. that's it, pretty girl, you just shut your eyes and enjoy it. no thinking, just let it feel good, yeah?"

you nod, moaning softly, as her fingers start to circle your clit, just the way she knew you liked. your nails digging into the arm of the sofa underneath you as leigh played you like a fiddle, muttering dirty phrases under her breath endlessly.

"fuck, you look so good. does that feel nice, baby? oh, i bet it does, sweet girl! yeah, you're welcome, honey, i know this is what you needed."

as you pant and moan underneath her leigh decides she's bored of this, wordlessly bending down to her knees in front of you, fingers drifting downward as well to circle your entrance. laughing when she feels how you try to suck her fingers in as you clench around nothing.

"leigh, please, i need you..." you moan out without thinking, desperate to get her to finally fuck you, "i need you so bad, leigh...please? i'll be good."

"hmm, good girl, begging and i haven't even asked you to yet. just fucking perfect for me." she mutters under her breath as she sinks her fingers into you, blowing softly on your clit to watch your hips jump. "there you go, take it for me, baby. you can do it, come on, be a good girl and just take what i give you."

you moan loudly, grip on the sofa tightening as your nails dig into the fabric. legs subconsciously spreading wider for her of their own accord, every movement of your body fine tuned to her liking.

"that's it, baby, tell me how good it feels. i like to hear that i'm doing a good job." she jokes, winking at you when you fake playfully at her before shutting you up with her mouth on your clit.

your eyes squeeze shut, moaning as she sucks your clit into her mouth, alternating with the pace of her fingers sliding in and out of you expertly. she grins against you, knowing she's winding you up in exactly the right way, touching all the right spots and saying all the right things to make you want her that much more.

she speeds up her pace, apparently intent on having you ruin the upholstery on your couch, smirking when she feels the telltale clench of your walls around her fingers.

"shhh, baby, you have to quiet down, okay? we wouldn't want you to wake up the neighbors, right?" she smiles condescendingly before doubling her efforts, intentionally making you louder for her just to watch you flush at the thought and try to quiet back down before repeating the cycle.

within minutes, she has you cumming on her fingers and her tongue, gripping her hair as she insists on cleaning you up just to hear you whine under her as she teases your sensitive clit.

"leigh, i-"

"shhh, baby, she don't have to talk about it. all we need to know is that it made me feel better, and it definitely made you feel better." she grins, pulling you against her and kissing your head softly, allowing you to lay against her as you catch your breath.

#jules writes #char: leigh shaw #leigh shaw x reader #leigh shaw smut #sorry for your loss

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bumblingbabooshka · 1 year ago

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What sort of relationship do you imagine Tuvok has weith B'Elanna? During and after the maquis undercover ordeal. Side question: Favorite Tuvok episode and/or line?

X : Web weaving thing I did regarding B'Elanna & Tuvok's self-destructive habits (and secrecy regarding those habits) in the face of grief. X: A series of lines taken from the show which can be summed up as "What if your co-worker who you were trapped on a ship with for ostensibly the rest of your life reminded you of your estranged mother, your childhood bullies and yourself all at once?"

In the Maquis I doubt they would have had much of a relationship. Afterwards I can see B'Elanna being enraged at the betrayal but trying to keep it as professional as she can (I can also imagine Tuvok poking at this - 'I can see you're angry at me. You need to put that aside.') which only makes her angrier. B'Elanna is an incredibly passionate person and Tuvok is not. I imagine she'd see him handing them over to Starfleet as an extreme betrayal. They were fighting for something in the Maquis. They had values, they believed in something - how could he do this? The fact that the answer is 'easily and without difficulty, remorse or second thought' is -!!!!!!! There's a scene in an episode....I don't remember which exactly. Learning Curve maybe? Or Meld? When someone from the Maquis is angry with Tuvok saying something like 'you sold us all out to Starfleet' and Tuvok says 'It may be difficult for you to believe but I did not have to feel anything to do that.' <- I think this lack of passion would make B'Elanna confused and upset. I can see her thinking he doesn't truly BELIEVE in anything. Because of this and his earlier betrayal I think it would be hard for B'Elanna to trust him and Tuvok is not a comforting or particularly empathetic person. He isn't cruel but isn't 'sweet' you know? An example is when Neelix tells him about how a childhood trauma led to his fear of something outside the window Tuvok suggests he draw the blinds. He isn't saying this to make fun of him but he isn't connecting to the problem emotionally, bc he's Vulcan, but B'Elanna is an emotional person. Tuvok also in general doesn't seem to think highly of Klingons or B'Elanna in particular.

Here he's speaking about something that took place decades upon decades ago but more recently concerning B'Elanna he makes comments about her which make me believe he doesn't think very highly of her.

This is from 'Random Thoughts' and it's possible to argue that Tuvok is just providing a counterpoint to Janeway as like a good investigator explores 'all logical options' (as he later does tell Nimira that he has a responsibility towards both B'Elanna and actually doing his job which supersedes his admiration for the Mari's culture) but his admittedly personal comment about the Mari is interesting. A facet of a Tuvok's personality is that he's pre-disposed towards relating more to Vulcans and Vulcan-ity thus seeing it (and himself) implicitly as better. Humans also do this. Really, most star trek Vulcans vs Humans arguments are just both of them thinking they're superior because that's the way they live their lives. There's a certain unwillingness there (especially demonstrated by Humanity BECAUSE we see Humans interact with other species much more) to see other points of view as equally valid. Basically like: 'This [alien] is good because it shows [Humanity]' <- thereby subconsciously labelling Inhumanity as bad. Here, Tuvok does the same thing but for Vulcans. I think what I'm seeing implicitly in his exchange above is more explicitly stated in the exchange between him and B'Elanna below (same episode: Random Thoughts)

Really saying the quiet part out loud with the line "Burdened as you are by your Primitive Klingon psyche" eh, Tuvok? B'ELANNA.....KILL HIM!!!! HE SAID 'YOU'RE WELCOME' !!!! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A COMPLIMENT??? KILL HIM!!!!

He does say in 'Juggernaut' that Emotion itself is primitive so he COULD be saying 'Your [emotional] Klingon psyche' but it's still a HUGE red flag to be going around calling an entire species primitive. Tuvok isn't the only person who basically does this exact thing - attributing all of B'Elanna's perceived faults with her Klingon side and condemning them or feeling more threatened by any negative emotion she expresses than other crewmates BECAUSE she's Klingon but it's insane to me that the writers just have Tuvok SAY that to B'Elanna STRAIGHT up and she THANKS him????? KILL. HIM. !!!!! AND THE WRITERS!!!! In 'Juggernaut' we see them interact more than we have before. I think this might be the only time we get scenes that are B'Elanna-Tuvok other than that one where they captured and held in a cell together? She tells him a story about a time she fell into a rage because of constant bullying from another child who kept calling her turtlehead.

Tuvok seems to grasp that her lashing out at the time was a coping mechanism. It protected her, gave her strength and courage. However he has no qualms with immediately throwing what he's learned back in her face to provoke her. I can see what he's doing - he's trying to show her: "This USED to be a source of strength but now it's a weakness. If you can be provoked so easily you're at the mercy of others, not strong" but his methods don't seem like something that would mesh well with B'Elanna. I'm sure this would just be hurtful and irritating to her.

Again B'Elanna's surrounded by this type of behavior. Even the man who supposedly loves her sees her this way.

Again in the same episode Tuvok plainly expresses that he has no faith in her. How is he supposed to be mentoring someone he doesn't believe in? There's also no (to my recollection) scene or moment after this where he realizes he was incorrect not to have faith in her and so I can't say for certain whether this has changed his opinion of her. Which is also wild because the episode STARTS with them but has no conclusion to their meditation or relationship plot. Unfortunately I don't think we really have anything that shows how B'Elanna views Tuvok other than her dream in 'Barge of the Dead' where she sees him as the arbiter of what is and isn't a Proper Klingon which I imagine stems from him being so staunchly a Proper Vulcan. Basically Tuvok & B'Elanna are so conceptually interesting...one is desperate to not be perceived as part of her species, estranged intentionally from her culture and associating it with all that is 'bad' about her ("My father left us because we were Klingon") and Tuvok is someone who is very much part of and proud of his culture BUT he also views B'ELANNA'S people as lesser which B'elanna also believes?? What would happen there - a feedback loop? They also have similar backgrounds in that they were forced into monasteries, were rebellious teenagers and have had poor experiences with Humanity & Starfleet but Tuvok...'recovered' from these experiences and B'Elanna did not? In that B'Elanna is still clearly ashamed of herself and self-conscious about others and angry and hurt and rejecting her Klingon culture while Tuvok is fine with those aspects of himself and found peace through embracing them. Given his distaste for Klingons it really is difficult to imagine him canonically doing anything except encouraging her to be more Vulcan while negging her the whole time which, you know, I'd kill him for. Humans & Vulcans shaking hands and in the middle it says 'Thinking Klingons are violent barbarians full stop' - finally some common ground between them! Hitting them all with hammers. That's more of a Star Trek in General issue but it applies here. I don't see how they could have like...a healthy dynamic, even JUST as mentor-mentee let alone friends or father-daughter as I've seen some people portray them. On paper it works because Tuvok is a Vulcan so who better to help control her emotions AND B'Elanna had an absent dad and Tuvok's a dad so he must be fatherly towards people! But given their canon interactions it would probably be a very condescending and bad mentorship. And honestly her having issues with her father would probably only make it worse since Tuvok doesn't believe in her and sees her as lesser because she's Klingon. For canon (meaning their canon regard for each other) the best I can imagine is them being strictly professional or B'Elanna falling into a mentorship with Tuvok which essentially just becomes her trying not to 'fail' another father figure by being too Klingon. If I were to write their relationship improving there would have be SO much unpacking of ALL of that which I showed above...like I don't even know dude it'd take YEARS and it'd effect the entire ship because again, just because this is centered on Tuvok given the nature of the question - Tuvok is NOT the only one who does this!!! EVERYONE does!!! It's infuriating once you start to watch for it v_v One of my favorite Tuvok lines is his big windup about how easy it'll be to win at pool like so easy, logically it'll be a goddamn breeze and then he loses at pool and is like "Hmm maybe the ship is off balance" or something. Sore LOSER!!!

#Tuvok & B'Elanna #st voyager #Q&A #Tuvok #B'Elanna #B'Elanna Torres #JUSTICE FOR MY GIRL B'ELANNA #It hurts the heart to see blorbo on blorbo violence but unfortunately I am going to throw Tuvok out an airlock for this #thank you for question sorry this is so long~!! <3 #Any relationship including B'Elanna will doubtless suffer from how Klingons are portrayed and treated in Star Trek #so much so that I feel like I may have completely derailed this ask I'm SORRY....!!!!#There's so much to their relationship both in canon and in its potential and it all needs to be unpacked over the course of several years

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noellashes · 1 year ago

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hiiiiiiii! feel free to ignore this ask but what do you like about noelashe? :0 I really like them too but I don't exactly know why myself... the parallels perhaps? the care? the potential? either way, I'm asking you how you feel about them! And I hope you have a wonderful day! :)

so so sorry for the late response but

anon you don't understand how long ive been waiting for someone to ask me this exact question

this may be extremely long depending on how much i feel like talking about so i apologize

spoilers inbound after this point!!

there are many, many reasons ive fallen in love with them and their dynamic, but ill try to condense them into a more readable format

the sections will be as follows:

their parallels and how they compliment each other

their kindness and affection towards each other

how they treat the other differently to the others in the mansion

more surface level dynamic things i like

the things that got me attached to them in the first place

parallels!

i feel like every noelashe fan understands their parallels somewhat but im insane so im gonna go in depth

they match and contrast each other in so so many different ways, down to even design (i actually made a post about that before it shouldnt be too hard to find)

their personalities are one thing, energetic and tired, extroverted and introverted, loud and shy, cruel and kind, fake and genuine, manipulative and naïve, i could go on but thatd be WAY too long so i'll just mention these

but thats just on the surface, they actually match each other a LOT more than you think

how ashe is more introverted than what meets the eye, not liking people out of distrust, and noel being tons more talkative and social, adoring people and barely being able to hate anyone

noel being smarter than he appears, willing to lie and manipulate for what he wants, and ashe being really easy to fool sometimes, immediately believing anything he thinks can bring back his family

and of course the obvious, their wishes

the same wish, the same pain, they go through such similar trauma with different ways of dealing with it

or so you think, their coping is very similar and this is acknowledged in sirius's conclusion, the only real difference being if theyre violent or not. noel, has sworn off harming people but he's still not above using backhanded methods for his goals. ashe, despite doing awful things for his wants, still has noble(ish) reasons for why he does these things

neither are entirely innocent, but neither are completely guilty

they both just want the people they care for to live peacefully, alive

but both do some pretty fucked up things for this wish, noel lies to sirius and uses dorothy as a ploy, ashe well- i think we all know. ashe commits multiple varied crimes that range from theft to murder and noel's own negligence can be considered a crime in some cases.

they have an understanding no one else does and it creates a lot of interest towards them and develops them as individuals too

kindness

they care so much for each other its insane

noel has trouble seeing ashe as anything but kind and ashe cant help but feel attached to noel even if he doesnt want to, which makes them get close each time and it makes them feel for each other a LOT more than they need to

the times where noel is sick and ashe takes care of him, ashe saying he lied so noel wont feel bad, noel letting ashe confide in him and ashe even trusting him enough to say his worries in the first place, the list goes on

they just have an instant bond bc they want someone to care and help them (even if both have trouble admitting it) and they want to help each other, which just makes them care more

it always ends in kindness between the two and it's one of the ways we get a happy ending

special treatment

i could put this in the kindness section but i think it deserves its own section bc its so damn cute

it does have a little less to go over tho as it doesn't happen much

im also gonna start adding screenshots and such

noel seems to really admire ashe and his abilities so much more than anyone else its adorable

hes so amazed by him literally just cooking and he doesnt comment on anything to do with precise stuff that isnt smth ashe does, i may be wrong but i dont think ive ever seen him comment on smth like sirius drawing talismans which is highly specific but will ALWAYS think about how impressed he is with ashe

he also just

treats ashe in a similar way to claire, like he just casually says ashe saved him which is such a strong word to him with no thought and he LITERALLY SAYS HE TRUSTS HIM UNCONSCIOUSLY BC HE REMINDS HIM OF CLAIRE if that doesnt say smth i dont know what does

and ashe always opens up to noel so much more than anyone else like noel has gotten ashe to talk about himself unlike anyone else, the only other character he talked to about things was claire (technically sirius too but he was drunk off his ass so im not counting it) and that was like once he doesnt even say anything that isnt surface level

ashe also just refuses to harm noel and i dont think anyone has noticed this before

it makes sense if his killings are during the day bc noel literally just isnt there but some other times he has no excuse

HE MOVES TO THE SIDE HERE EVEN IF WHERE HE WAS STANDING GAVE HIM A CLEARER SHOT TO CLAIRE YOU CANT TELL ME IT WASNT SO HE DELIBERATELY MISSES NOEL

ALSO HE COULDVE TRIED AGAIN OR GONE AFTER HIM BUT NO HE JUST GOES "missed one!" AND CALLS IT A DAY IF THATS NOT PROOF HE DOESNT WANNA HURT NOEL I DONT KNOW WHAT IS

surface level things

as much as i love the incredible lengths of their relationship, i also like more simple things that im just gonna put into a little list

theyre so sun and moon guys

BLACK CAT AND GOLDEN RETRIEVER BFS

their color palettes look nice together

babygirl and wet cat

loves to cook and fucking awful at cooking

smartass x dumbass

mutual healing

their symbols being hearts and stars those look so cute together

"i care about you!!" "why??", mutually

little bitch and sweetheart

both are affectionate but neither can handle it

emotionally repressed x the one who wants them to grow again

bfs who rant about their interests

same trauma

very strange guy x doesnt care

"im a disgusting monster" "HOW?"

the black and white good evil thing is very aesthetically pleasing for them

angel and devil (kinda)

why i fell in love with them

theres a lot of reasons why i love them but theres a few very specific things that got me attached

most obvious is that theyre both my favorites, im extremely attached to ashe and i loved him from the start, i didnt start liking noel until a tiny bit later but he very quickly gained my love

i also relate to them both heavily so seeing them care so much for each other gave me comfort

its a huge pattern that most of my ships are of the character i got immediately attached to and relate to and other character i relate to who cares about the first character

the fate line. its just so gay i was like "thats kinda gay" and while i didnt always think of it like it was super important it always stuck in my head like "yeah i could ship them"

but the real thing that started this all was the wine scene

its when i realized how much they cared for each other and then the floodgates opened, and here we are now!!

its still by far my favorite scene of the two it just makes me so happy its so adorable

conclusion

i have an extreme love for noelashe and just seeing them can make my entire mood better

i dont think many people have analyzed them as much as me so its sad to see how much stuff with them goes unnoticed

theyre genuinely so great for each other, platonic, romantic or anything in between, they deserve to be happy with each other

im so sorry for this being so long and maybe really hard to understand but i adore them so much

if you read this all thank you so much!! have a great day

#uso rambles #witchs heart #ashe bradley #noel levine #noelashe #im so insane for them #noelashe the world

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50cal-fullauto-astarion · 1 year ago

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Hey Rags! Sorry, I just need to get this out of my system and ramble for a moment in your ask box. I just reread 'hot in Sarajevo' and I just have to tell you, how much I love the characterization of the woman in your fics. In the cod community, so many times the reader is described as cute, some sweet giggling angelic ray of sunshine (and don't get me started on all the size kink stuff...) and I can see the appeal of pairing these rough military dudes with their polar opposite, but... bro I really can't relate. ^^ I'm not cute. I'm not weak and fragile. I'm fucking 1,83m tall with a more serious bitch vibe and I'd rather die before you'll see me wearing something pink or cutesy. That's why I love Rivka so much for example! She's tough, she doesn't take anyones bullshit, but she's genuinely caring and she's a steady presence for König to rely on and hold onto when things are shitty. I can see myself so much more in her. I love to care for and pamper my man, be there for him in any situation, but I'm not your adorable little housewife...

And I hope you or anyone else won't take this as some kind of 'I'm not like the other girls' bullshit. All power to the cute and dainty ladies out there! But I just wanted to say, that I love the way you give the boys a tough and confident, but deeply caring partner in crime.

i'm so sorry for taking so long to answer this, but i've legitimately been gently holding it to my chest for the last couple of days reading and re-reading it with the BIGGEST fucking grin on my face. <3 <3

i promise, it doesn't at ALL come off as 'i'm not like other girls,' at least not to ME, bc i'm in the exact same boat, and i can't tell you how incandescent it makes me to hear that you feel a connection with rivka (who we all know is the reader i put in all of my konig fics lmao). and she, and all of my other oc's, are purposefully built they way they are bc i almost never see me when i'm reading, esp in this fandom.

like, i'm 5'7, i've got broad shoulders and hard features and big hands. i'm not small and dainty, i'm never going to be small and dainty, my bones simply won't allow it--too many generations of big men and hardy women and starvation-survival and lifetimes of working with hands went into my blood for me to be anything else. and my personality is anything but ingenue, i'm coarse and i'm loud and i can be outright cold or cruel when warranted.

i go into everything i write trying to satisfy my need to see what are considered 'unpleasant' main characters with their 'ugly' bits on full display, and the wish fulfillment of having these canon characters i love finding these sorts of physical and mental aspects not only acceptable, but borderline divine. and i am so so SO over the moon to hear that it hit those notes for you too, nonny!!! if nothing else, at the end of the day, i am writing for an audience of US, and i am so proud and pleased to do it if i accomplished my mission and it brings you the joy it brings me (((': <3 <;3 <3

#holler holler get $#i fr cried the first two times i read this thank you so much for sending this to me #it hit at exactly the right time while i've been considering which directions i want to take my writing and this is so fucking heartening

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whoslaurapalmer · 5 months ago

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character ask ………. sam spade

AAAAAA

How I feel about this character: i love sam spade so fucking much he's so terrible. he's not a good person. i mean he's decent, like he'll help a person out -- he's a detective, after all -- but he's certainly not much beyond decent and he knows it. "i'm no damned good, darling." he says it out loud, he's always aware of it, and it makes no DIFFERENCE to him. he's looking out for himself first and foremost and has a rigid moral code but not like, where people expect it. like you COULD say he's crooked but it's also NOT in the way people expect. his morals are about Loyalty and What You Do (and sometimes desire but not often). i don't want to say he's like floating through life bc sam is like. physically grounded on a lot of things. he like, lets himself be buffeted around Just To See What Will Happen.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: not necessarily romantic but no one can tell me sam and miles did not have, if not frequently, but rather often, the most Intense and kind of toxic hate sex. or god not even like hate sex bc i don't think they hated each other but i don't think they liked each other? sam says he didn't like miles but i don't think they didn't like each other??? i think he doesn't have patience for miles. uhhhh like kind of kinky and maybe violent but really enjoyable and magnetic sex. like in the way of, miles and sam are the only two people who are going to look at each other and Get what the other is about, what the other Does as a detective, the roles they're filling in their shared office. the shady, sometimes illegal, cruel things they've done. how much they're both just assholes and what they're capable of. not at all in a like tragedy with them, though, there's nothing tragic about the core of them both being assholes or the cruel shit they've done, but just, like, They See It. there's got to be something akin to, intoxicating? about two people being the only ones in a room who know what it means to be them. (oh you know. sidney and jj might have some shades of that too but also their relationship is completely different.) effie was never going to understand everything about sam which is why she's completely rattled by him giving up brigid, even if she knows it was right. she can't look to the true heart of him. but miles could. i don't think they had any secrets, and i think miles knew sam and iva were fucking (they were not together. but they fucked.) and didn't care (miles himself was sleeping around and everyone knew).

similarly brigid matches him beat for beat in terms of quiet manipulation and self-preservation, and i think if they didn't have miles' death between them and if she hadn't tried to pull one over on sam and make him "play the sap" they could've had Oh Something Really Terrible But Good For Them

My non-romantic OTP for this character: effie!!! despite the ending, or i guess before the ending, effie's the closest thing sam really has to a friend, to someone in his corner, and he knows it. even if effie can't see to the core of sam i think she still sees to some extent through a lot of him. i think they genuinely like each other, in the way that i don't think sam especially likes a lot of people.

also intrigued about sam's relationship with sid. as sam's lawyer, he's also aware of just what kind of shit sam has gotten up to, and is just, resigned to it by this point. he lets sam get away with it.

My unpopular opinion about this character: oh man what is even unpopular about sam spade in 2024............it's like exceedingly cruel, even by sam's standards, to make brigid strip to prove she doesn't have the money towards the end (brigid even says this will change something about their relationship, bc, oh fuck have i made a post about this before or do i just have it in my notes. it takes away a piece of brigid's control over her body, the thing she uses to get her way, and puts it in sam's hands, at sam's whims, another piece in their back and forth power struggle) but it's completely still within his character to do it. i thought it was a gross scene when i first read it years and years ago and of course it wasn't in either movie, but it really does still make sense with his character. spade is that cruel, and that manipulative, and of course he'd strip brigid to her core (which he then does, again, hours later, only, like, metaphorically) to prove something, to destroy something between them. and at this point he has to know, for sure, that brigid killed miles, and i think that's hovering at the edges of this scene too, in some way

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: oh i wish more of effie and sam's cute lil dialogue moments had been in the movie!!!! like

"On the La Paloma?" "The La is a lousy combination," he said.

i just think about that all the time. he's right but it's just still so silly and fun to me. the movie really had to clip along though, in this story, so i understand why they cut a lot of the smaller effie and sam stuff.

#thank you vera!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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tadpolesonalgae · 7 months ago

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Okie i'll copy you for a bit a do the quote for each comment thing so i dont get lost hehe

I don’t know? I think to us as readers of the series I kind of agree, but then he cooperated with the alliance, and also I’m on the side that if anyone should be able to see through his mask it should be the IC since hello Rhysand? UTM? CoN???? The idea of a mask/persona???

honestly this is one of the million problems with acotar because yeah when i say the ic has no way of knowing that eris isn't all bad i mean sjm keeps writing the story like that but you're right it doesn't make any sense. i mean even apart from eris doing literally what rhys has been doing since forever, how am i suppose to believe that mor knows all truth or whatever her powers even are and that rhys is a mind reader, and azriel and amren are supposed to be able to read people so well, that azriel's shadows see things that others don't but they still think eris is as bad as beron. that and both eris and mor kinda have made it seem like there's something else there (i genuinely think sjm planned on making mor and eris mates or something but then people started calling her out on having no diversity and she made mor gay out of nowhere). im also pretty sure its common knowledge in the ic that yes eris dumped her over the border without any other help which sucks but he didn't actually hurt her (that was kier) and one look at the autumn court would be enough to tell them that mor would have been hurt even worse if beron had seen her so how did they not put 2 and 2 together. i guess he still hurt her enough and as her friends they probably wont ever forgive him but it doesnt make sense logically for them to still think eris is the same as beron

This might sound hypercritical or conflictive but I’m not writing/don’t want to write Mor to be a bitch? I like Mor and while it might add to the angst and drama to have her be cruel to reader I just wouldn’t be able to commit to it 😭 In my mind it was Mor acting on the hurt reader has caused her and while it was unnecessary, emotions should be let out?

im sorry to say but mor was in fact a bitch but i get what you're saying like she's justified in her anger (in a way) but yeah trying to make someone who just attempted suicide feel bad about themselves is beyond bitchy. but im saying this as someone who doesn't really like mor most times (to me there's no depth to her character tbh like she was just there as the obligatory female friend for feyre, if you compare how developed cass and az are to mor... yeah she just falls flat idk if its bc cass and az will become the main characters in their books and mor might not get one or if its just not so great writing coming from miss maas once more)

Azriel calling Mor out??? After some of the things he’s said to reader????

i feel like this could be a good turning point though. like imagine azriel heard it and calls her out and has to admit not only to himself but out loud about all the shitty uncalles for comments he's thrown reader's way but even while admitting to it, deciding that he wants to be better to her and calling out mor on her bullshit is one way of doing it. also calling out mor is especially significant because of the whole he was in love with her for 500 years (i refuse to go with sjm's shitty ass "he loved her for 500 years and one day just stopped" bullshit - if she was a decent writer who cared a little more about character growth and plot instead of superficial romance tropes and smut she would write a whole book for azriel with no love interest but of him finding his own way and letting go of his love for mor that lasted for 500 fucking years before ever thinking of making him fall for someone else anyway i digress)

That would be so ooc of reader but I think it would be funny (in theory) for reader to suddenly do a 180° and act with them how she does around Eris and snap something smart and sassy back 😭🤭

i hope the ic gets to see her being herself with eris though and realize they really dont know shit about her

But then also idk how much the ‘thinking loudly’ was amplified by Rhys and Feyre’s bond, so whether it would even apply to reader in that way?

honestly sjm refuses to explain anyone's powers or even how magic works atp so who knows

also i saw another ask of you going in on cc and i would like to join a little. i have to start by saying i havent read the books bc i didn't do anything wrong but from the bits I've seen her writing really has been going downhill and it shows the most in the cc books. i never thought she was an amazing writer tbh like acotar reads to me like a teenager book almost but with smut so it's supposed to be ya and if it wasnt for fanfic i wouldn't be here or even remember the books. i read the first one and already had to skim through some of it but then the 2nd one was a bit more promising, unfortunately the 3rd book was going downhill by the chapter, i dont even like to talk about acosf because how is that supposed to be a book about healing when everyone that's supposed to love nesta treats her like shit and most of it is just smut that does nothing at all for the plot. so im not surprised that not only has cc been having a lot of these critics but also that sjm doubled down on the smut in that book. i also heard some of the characters are kind of copy paste from acotar but again i havent read the books. i honestly dont even know if i'll read any other acotar book because they keep getting worse and whether elain ends up with az or lucien or az with gwyn or elain, i dont think sjm will be able to pull a good book out of it when there's this big mess between all of the characters i mentioned plus her insistence on making the ic act like assholes to each other, creating a found family to make it shitty is just dumb in my opinion, but i know for a fact im not gonna read any of the other sjm series (even though tog is supposed to be the best one) and even if i did i wouldnt touch the modern fantasy if it was the last book on earth tbh. technology ends up taking a lot of the magic out of fantasy and obviously im reading fantasy because i like magical aspects. one of the reasons the later books fell off for me too tbh, she started modernizing things too much (like leggings and cans of soup?? when there are no factories or anything?) like the spring court had so many fun magic things and then velaris was a city with clubs, the moonstone palace and the hewn city felt more magical at times than the court of dreams.

i also agree that one of the biggest problems with the later books is the amount of smut. i like smut as much as the next person and dont mind reading pwp but in fanfictions not in books i pay for and that are written by professional authors. sjm tries less and less to write good characters and to keep up a plot because she knows her fantasy books were one of the first of the "spicy fantasy romance" to become popular and she's not losing that place and smut sells so who cares about a good story? definitely not her.

and with the bryce thing you're absolutely right, from what i've read she acts like a petulant selfish child most of the time and correct me if i'm wrong but she's not supposed to be like 19 like feyre so she's a grown ass woman. and yeah i definitely think sjm made her plus size because again she got called out for having no diversity in her books but treats it really weirdly. im someone who may not be plus size but pretty close to it and the way sjm writes bryce definitely gives me weird vibes. what i've seen most and even some people talk about is that a lot of characters keep mentioning how they're attracted to bryce, like sjm doesnt expect us ymto believe bryce is really hot by the descriptions she's made unless she keeps reminding us that people wanna fuck her. idk it may just be a bit of my trauma reading into it

im sorry if this ran too long im a bit drunk apologies - 🧶

Warnings: CC spoilers!, plus a little more slander, please consider looking away if you like the series! 🧡💛

‘when i say the ic has no way of knowing that eris isn't all bad i mean sjm keeps writing the story like that’

Right? Please miss Maas I want everyone to get along and be happy, let the drama between Eris and Mor be solved so that everyone can be happy and peaceful 😭

‘how am i suppose to believe that mor knows all truth or whatever her powers even are and that rhys is a mind reader, and azriel and amren are supposed to be able to read people so well, that azriel's shadows see things that others don't but they still think eris is as bad as beron.’

Also we’re kind of kept in the dark about specifics too? Mor’s just said to have ‘truth’ but what does that mean!! Can she force people to tell the truth? Can she see things in their true form?? Has she come out of the cave and seen the sun and the shadows it casts???? (Plato’s cave reference 😎)

Like I can understand to a degree why Rhys doesn’t look into people’s minds and appreciate that part of his character—that while he is morally greyish he has his own rules if that makes sense? He has his own perception of right and wrong which makes him interesting? But I might be confusing canon with fanon here 🫣

And yes I can see how miss Maas has written the IC to be flawed and Eris even says how Rhys is blinded by his love for his family so he has trouble seeing truths or discrepancies in those around him?

‘(i genuinely think sjm planned on making mor and eris mates or something but then people started calling her out on having no diversity and she made mor gay out of nowhere).’

Haha I hadn’t thought of it like that!

I’m still unsure what I’d choose between no representation vs. bad representation? On one hand it’s kind of disheartening/irritating to see sexuality used as such a cheap plot point? Unless miss Maas expands on it properly it’ll feel kind of useless to me? But then on the other hand representation is representation, like at least it’s becoming more prevalent in general media? I think another angle is some of the issues with acotar wouldn’t be as problematic as they are if the book series wasn’t so popular? But because it’s liked by so many people it’s also under much more intensive scrutiny when I don’t know if Miss Maas even planned for it to be taken so seriously as it is in some places? Not that the analysis is a bad thing, though, it’s interesting to see different things pointed out if I’d missed them the first time? (Particularly with Emerie and her descriptions of beauty? I hadn’t noticed it in the first read through but then saw some other people pointing it out, as well as other things?)

‘but he didn't actually hurt her (that was kier) and one look at the autumn court would be enough to tell them that mor would have been hurt even worse if beron had seen her so how did they not put 2 and 2 together.’

I suppose while Eris didn’t hurt her, Mor was in an extremely vulnerable position and the with Eris already being from the autumn court it would be easy to make the assumption that he would have inherited the beliefs in his father? Also with the saying of ‘if you’re not part of the solution you’re part of the problem’—I think that’s contextual, but for the sake of the point it’s making, I’m using it here—Eris didn’t do anything to help Mor that we know of, and also according to Mor’s narrative Eris said some cruel things, but then on the other hand since Eris hasn’t done or said anything exactly to contradict what Mor’s said so I’m not going to blame the IC for being protective and standing with her on what was likely an extremely traumatising moment for her? Honestly I guess it would be kind of weird and shitty if they doubted her to be honest 😭

‘im sorry to say but mor was in fact a bitch but i get what you're saying like she's justified in her anger (in a way)’

I expressed myself wrong, sorry 😭

Mor definitely said something bad, but I’m not going to write her in cbmthy to continue making horrid comments like that when nobody else is around, it was kind of a one-off thing so hopefully she won’t be a bitch in the rest of the story, just temporarily 🤭🧡💛

‘yeah trying to make someone who just attempted suicide feel bad about themselves is beyond bitchy.’

Hard agree, I might even have to say it was a little uncalled for 🫣😳🫢

‘to me there's no depth to her character tbh like she was just there as the obligatory female friend for feyre, if you compare how developed cass and az are to mor...’

I think in the books/canon she’s a bit contradictory? Maybe? With how harsh she is with Nesta and how gentle she is with Feyre? I can understand it I suppose, thinking of it through Mor’s perception, but it does sometimes feel like Mor was added just to be the one to add drama to the books? There might be something to say about how Mor and Amren are written as female characters as opposed to the batboys who we’re supposed to like and are romantic interests? Fanon Mor though 🧡💛🫂😭

‘like imagine azriel heard it and calls her out and has to admit not only to himself but out loud about all the shitty uncalles for comments he's thrown reader's way’

Okay so this is something I (maybe unnecessarily? I’m genuinely not sure) want to stretch out for a bit and give it time so it doesn’t magically disappear? With Azriel facing some of the things he’s said to reader and why they were so hurtful to her? I think him knowing she tried to kill herself will speed things up, but only to a certain degree since there’s still a lot they don’t know about one another?

‘i refuse to go with sjm's shitty ass "he loved her for 500 years and one day just stopped" bullshit’

I guess one might be able to argue he was naturally coming out of it already but it there’s no evidence to really support that? I guess it would be difficult to implement it though due to the nature of where the story started and who it follows, but it would have made more sense in my opinion if we somehow got to see Az beginning to lose feelings for Mor, but because that would require something to be set before Feyre came along I guess it would be impossible 😭

‘i hope the ic gets to see her being herself with eris though and realize they really dont know shit about her’

They probably will, however reader is the one who intentionally or not does change how she acts around people? To a certain extent reader does try to act more ‘appropriately’ around them? Like she would never speak to Rhys the way she speaks sometimes to Eris 😭 Though I can imagine it might be funny if she accidentally did and then slapped her hand over her mouth because she hadn’t meant to 😭

‘i never thought she was an amazing writer tbh like acotar reads to me like a teenager book almost but with smut’

I was wondering, did you know anything about acotar before you started reading it? I went in blind since a friend recommended it to me, so I had no idea about how popular it was or anything, but I can see how if someone had heard how hyped up people were about it and then read it, it might fall flat and be super disappointing?

‘but also that sjm doubled down on the smut in that book.’

I know I feel quite strongly that Bryce and Hunt didn’t really have that much of an emotional connection compared to their physical one? Though to be fair I also love seeing emotional vulnerability so maybe it was just a difference in taste? If you’re someone who liked that kind of lust-fuelled romance that’s fine, but personally it wasn’t my cup of tea :/

It also felt like when Bryce and Hunt introduced that ‘no sex’ rule (I think maybe in CC2) it was Miss Maas realising she hadn’t built up and kind of tension between them and had jumped into sex way too quickly and so was trying to dial it back which irritated me? I skipped over I think all of the sex scenes in CC2 because I just wanted them to hurry along and get back to the plot? Also I feel like Miss Maas was trying to make them kind of freaky to appeal to the smutty side, like with the dry humping, the electricity (I think a vibrator might have also been used but I skimmed the scenes so I can’t remember) it was just too much for me when I wanted to read about what was happening and wasn’t interested in their relationship at all 😭

‘i honestly dont even know if i'll read any other acotar book because they keep getting worse’

I know I won’t be reading another CC book and will just wait for someone to very kindly write a summary for it, but I’m desperately hoping she won’t mess up another acotar book 😭

If she does though, isn’t it such a relief we have fanfiction? 😭

‘like the spring court had so many fun magic things and then velaris was a city with clubs, the moonstone palace and the hewn city felt more magical at times than the court of dreams.’

I absolutely adore that factor in fantasy books! I particularly like Holly Black’s version of fae, where they live off the land more and are much more tricky to deal with? More folklore-esque, and I wish we saw more of that kind of thing in acotar 😭 I agree the Spring Court with the will-o-wisps was so lovely—To Old Gods is one of my favourite pieces in that aspect and I want to write and read more of that kind of ancient/slightly mythical/sometimes eldritchy magic 😭

‘i also agree that one of the biggest problems with the later books is the amount of smut. i like smut as much as the next person and dont mind reading pwp but in fanfictions not in books i pay for and that are written by professional authors.’

I used to enjoy reading smut in books (I only started reading regularly and realising I enjoyed it in the past four years) because it was new and exciting but I think now if it’s in professionally written books I absolutely adore it and author has nailed emotional connection? And yes, pwp in fanfiction? Great! Love it! But the amount of smut in CC was unbelievable and I suppose that might be how you feel about acosf? I have to admit I liked it but I think it’s heavily to do with enjoying the characters 😭 Bryce and Hunt in CC? I don’t want to read about that, please spare my eyes 😭😞

‘so who cares about a good story? definitely not her.’

I think I disagree with you here? Maybe? I can’t remember the CC books in particularly great detail? 😭 I think actually for the most part I did find the plot parts a little slow, and Bryce and Hunt made it worse for me, however I loved the ending to CC2, and I enjoyed the asteri story but I think the power levels got out of control? (Don’t even get me started on how Bryce literally doesn’t earn her magic, it infuriates me so much!!! Feyre, Aelin, and Nesta all went through some kind of training and Bryce literally just touches a stone then inherits starlight and has the audacity to say she worked for it? Babes, no.)

And actually with miss Maas being lazy in writing—her using a pill so that Bryce can understand the acotar world was so obviously a deus ex machina. It was so cheap and basic there wasn’t a single amount of thought that went into it.

‘and correct me if i'm wrong but she's not supposed to be like 19 like feyre so she's a grown ass woman.’

Yup. She’s twenty-three 😐

‘what i've seen most and even some people talk about is that a lot of characters keep mentioning how they're attracted to bryce, like sjm doesnt expect us ymto believe bryce is really hot by the descriptions she's made unless she keeps reminding us that people wanna fuck her.’

Honestly that wasn’t that big of an issue for me? Like I get it’s fantasy so I can excuse every love interest and even some who aren’t being attracted to the fmc, but I did definitely have an issue with how lust-fuelled and physical it was 😶‍🌫️

Like with Feyre and Tarquin it’s made clear they’re both attractive/beautiful people but I got the impression that ultimately they liked (?) one another for who they were? To an extent they had a kind of understanding and felt more honest?

‘idk it may just be a bit of my trauma reading into it’

Not sure how much it will help but I’m sending you internet hugs :/ 🫂🫂🫂

‘im sorry if this ran too long im a bit drunk apologies - 🧶’

Haha, don’t apologise it was fun getting to discus all these things with you!! 🧡💛

#🧶 anon <3 #🧶#cbmthy

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taylorgrape · 1 year ago

Text

Ryan's Characters as Taylor Swift Songs

I am so sorry. @rumor-weed

AUDREY "RUMOR" WEED AS NEW ROMANTICS "The rumors are terrible and cruel but honey most of them are true." I'm gonna be so real the above lyric was such a big part of me picking this as a song for her lmao. But also it's just sorta a vibey bop and the general energy of it reminds me so much of Audrey which obviously we love. Other notable lyrics that give me Audrey vibes: "We play dumb but we know exactly what we're doing" "It's poker, he can't see it on my face but I'm about to play my ace." "We team up then switch sides like a record changer."

BARTLEBEY THE BUTLER AS TIMELESS "Time breaks down your mind and body, don't you let it touch your soul." Bartlebey is Timeless for two reasons. One, is, of course, the fact that Ryan and I are constantly pushing the narrative of Pincherbey are in love in every single universe and timeline. The other reason is that we don't know if he belongs in this timeline at all or what his like... whole deal is in any regard. And for that reason it is very funny to just say "Bartlebey is Timeless." Other notable lyrics that give me Bartlebey vibes: "And somehow I know that you and I would've found each other." "I thought about it as I started lookin' 'round at these precious things that time forgot." "We'll have a cardboard box of photos of the life we've made, and you'll say, 'Oh my, we really were timeless'."

PHIL WINKLESTEIN AS TEARDROPS ON MY GUITAR "The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star." King of yearning ofc gets the yearning song of all time. Honestly listening to this song and thinking abt the musical situation with Bob and everything just came together. My mans is so in his feelings and if he has a guitar (which he might I'm not caught up on the Phillip lore) I just know that mf would have teardrops on it. Other notable lyrics that give me Phil vibes: "I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night" "So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light, I'll put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight." "The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart"

PETER PEPPARAZZI AS EYES OPEN "So here you are, two steps ahead and staying on guard." Ofc Mr. Pepparazzi is the song abt how everyone is watching you. Because my mans is the one watching!! He is the 'everyone' referenced in lyrics below. King of being nosy fr. I really do not have much to say past that bc I love that this is just how he be. Other notable lyrics that give me Peter vibes: "Everybody's waiting for you to break down" "Everybody's watching to see the fallout" "And nobody comes to save you now."

LOVEY ASPARAGUS AS I DID SOMETHING BAD "I don't regret it one bit 'cause he had it comin'." Miss I killed my husband is obviously this song are you KIDDINGGG literally I could just list every single lyric in this song and it would be correct. She's a baddie and even tho she did in fact kill her husband she's kind of a feminist icon for that. He deserved it and I'm glad she did it. Other notable lyrics that give me Lovey vibes: "Most fun I ever had and I'd do it over and over and over again if I could." "They never see it coming what I do next." "They're burning all the witches even if you aren't one, so light me up."

NEBBY K NEZZER AS YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN "And snakes and stones never broke my bones." hear me out hear mE OUT- my man has dealt with far too much shit he's done his time... and he's surrounded by well... we know them. He's just done and that is DESERVED. Also, of course I am slightly biased but this is such him and his stupid high school glee rival energy. PLUSSS (as listed below) 'shade never made anybody less gay' ARE YOU KIDDDINGGG so nezzer coded (source: bro trust me) Other notable lyrics that give me Nezzer vibes: "And I'm just like 'Damn, it's 7:00 a.m.'" "You need to calm down, you're being too loud." "'cause shade never made anybody less gay."

ART BIGOTTI AS ILLICIT AFFAIRS "Take the words for what they are; a dwindling mercurial high" Okay obviously this is abt Art yearning for a whole ass married man. BUT ALSO the way this song is written just gives me such Art vibes especially with the whole comparing having an affair to drugs thing lmaaao but like when I was picking songs and this came up I KNEW this was downbad king art bigotti. (ps this is currently one of my top taylor songs so this is a great honor" Other notable lyrics that give me Art vibes: "A drug that only worked the first few hundred times." "You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else." "Look at this idiotic fool that you've made me."

LAURA CARROT AS ANTI-HERO "I should not be left to my own devices." Obviously this is Laura lmao she a baddie but she also is a criminal. And does nothing to better herself which honestly good for her bc same. She don't give a fuck and I admire that!! She owns being an anti-hero and she is so real for that. Also just like... the energy of this song truly gives me Laura vibes so there is also that. Other notable lyrics that give me Laura vibes: "One day I'll watch as you're leaving 'cause you got tired of my scheming." "It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me." "The family gathers 'round and reads it and then someone screams out 'She's laughing up at us from hell.'"

GOLITAH GOTTIK AS MEAN "Well, you can take me down with just one single blow," I am going to be so real like 70% of me picking this song was the above lyric bc that's so god damn funny when u think of the bible story. but also. much like nezzer Goliath has been through too much... (see medical malpractice) but despite that he really do be out here just living his life and simply does not have time for the haters which is why i picked this song. Other notable lyrics that give me Goliath vibes: "Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me" "I just wanna feel okay again" "All you are is mean and a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life"

PA GRAPE AS THE BEST DAY "I know you were on my side, even when I was wrong." I'm gonna be so real my main reason for picking this song is bc it's literally written abt Taylor's mom so obviously in my fucked up little delusional mind Taylor Grape wrote it abt Pa Grape. I will not be taking any criticims at this time. That said, these lyrics are more like... how she would feel abt him vs ones that just exude his aura but yolo. Other notable lyrics that give me Taylor/Pa vibes: "I don't know why all the trees change in the fall, but I know you're not scared of anything at all." "Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay, but I know I had the best day with you today." "And I love you for giving me your eyes, for staying back and watching me shine."

SHANNON CEDRIC UNO SCALLION AS THE 1: "And it's another day waking up alone" Okay so OBVIOUSLY this started as a shitpost bc scallion number one is the 1. HOWEVER. upon reflecting on some of these lyrics I was like... damn i might b on to something. they're sort of just like depressing and cryptic enough, especially out of context and that just felt so perfect for mr uno. Other notable lyrics that give me Uno vibes: "And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow" "In my defense, I have none." "If one thing had been different, would everything be different today?" KILT BAGPIPE RHUBARB AS SHAKE IT OFF "I go on too many dates but I can't make them stay, at least that's what people say," Bro I will not fucking lie. As soon as I started this project I KNEW this mf had to be shake it off. A hot fuckin mess, slutting around, everyone finding him slightly offputting, but he is an unkillable yale man so he is fr just gonna shake it off. Also, so far this has easily been the one that I hard the hardest time narrowing it down to just four lyrics bc inside and out this song is Kilt all over lmaaaao (derogatory?) Just know that I decided to not put any lyrics from the chorus bc they all fit too well lmfao. Other notable lyrics that give me Kilt vibes: "But I keep cruising, can't stop, won't stop moving." "I never miss a beat, I'm lightning on my feet." "but I'm just gonna shake to the fella over there with the hella good hair."

TOM GRAPE AS CLOSURE "I'm fine with my spite." okay this song is basically abt someone trying to give closure and this one mf being like nah, i'm good. which to me is so tom. he does NOT need that closure. he's good bein a spiteful little sour grape (which i love for him) but honestly king of not needing the mushy shit. ofc some of this is taken from his relationship with his estranged sister taylor grape but i mean how could i not. Other notable lyrics that give me Tom vibes: "Don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled." "I know that it's over, I don't need your closure." "Reaching out across the sea that you put between you and me, but it's fake and it's oh so unnecessary."

EGG BOY AS IT'S NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND "'Wanna hang out?' Yeah, sounds like fun." okay so my otp: bathroom eggs ass was ofc fully thinking of that when i chose songs for each of them (see bathroom girls for a similar note) but also this song was specifically Egg Boy to me bc... u know what. he DOES think it's nice to have a friend. he's a silly goofy guy who loves his eggs and this song gives me energy of like childhood nostalgia and that is so him and bathroom girl coded to ME. Other notable lyrics that give me Egg Boy vibes: "School bell rings, walk me home, sidewalk chalk covered in snow." "Light pink sky up on the roof, sun sinks down, no curfew." "You've been stressed out lately? Yeah, me too."

VICKI CUCUMBER AS BETTER THAN REVENGE "I'm just another thing for you to roll your eyes at, honey." I MEEEEEEAN was there even really another option!! Miss steal your man had her man STOLE! a sneaky little bitch (affectionate). I truly feel like there is not much else to say bc the energy of this song is just SO vicki to me. Like this BELONGS to her. Much like Kilt it was SO HARD for me to narrow it down to just four lyrics but i hope u enjoy the ones a pick. Other notable lyrics that give me Vicki vibes: "She took him faster than you could say sabotage." "She looks at me like I'm a trend and she's so over it" "You might have him, but I'll always get the last word." SCOOTER CARROT AS THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS "I'm shaking my head, I'm locking the gates" i have to be so fucking honest rn. I picked Scooter for this song bc this song makes me want to go to a boujee ass hollywood party and get into multiple fist fights with multiple a-listers and honestly i think I would like scooter to be there with me when i do it. He's got just the right amount of spite to help me out. not to mention in soc everyone thought he died so he's got some vengeance in him. me and moyer the destroyer kickin leo dicaprio's ass as god intended. Other notable lyrics that give me Scooter vibes: "This is why we can't have nice things, darling, because you break them, I had to take them away." "And so I took an axe to a mended fence." "Here's a toast to my real friends, they don't care about the he said, she said."

#new romantics #timeless #teardrops on my guitar #eyes open #i did something bad #you need to calm down #illicit affairs #anti-hero #mean #the best day #the 1 #shake it off #closure #it's nice to have a friend #better than revenge #this is why we can't have nice things

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marvellouspinecone · 2 years ago

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Hey :) I have a River/Doctor related question and thought maybe you would like to help me by giving me a second opinion?

So, the thing is, you might remember my post that I would have chosen the sunrise on Darillium for 13's regeneration for angst reasons? I have written a few too many words following up on that now (because of course I have) and obviously River reacts to the old new face. And the first thing tenteen does is hurt her - because the Doctor is an idiot and because it happened to me on accident and then I quite liked it and decided to keep it.

And then I realised that generally 10 must be the face that hurts River the most because of the way their timelines flow (and because of that one big finish audio book I listened to) and I want one of the two to comment on that. Something along the lines of meeting the doctor was always the most heartbreaking in [10's] body. It would have been surprising to see that change.

Until now I have River make that comment and in my opinion she absolutely deserves saying it. But I feel like she might not do that for hiding the damage and because it is a pretty cruel thing to say and all that. Then again, this is Darillium!River, she might feel safer showing the damage.

But also 13 has become more self-conscious (I think?) and might realise this and 10 is self-loathing enough to make such a comment. So now I am considering giving it to them instead?

Anyway, what I wanted to ask is: Could you see one of the two (River and the Doctor) saying/thinking something along those lines and who?

Thus is a tough one. The trick is, i can totally see them both thinking it, but i don't know if any of them would voice it. The Doctor might be more self-aware since Thirteen, but Thirteen is also the one who never talks about how she feels, and even though we kinda know Tenteen's character from Ten, i doubt that all those lives wouldn't leave a mark.

I think a way around that would be to have the Doctor say it out loud when they think that River can't hear them (from your description i didn't really get if they hurt her physically, like with regeneration energy, or emotionally by being a jerk, but if it's the physical hurt situation, she might be unconscious/semi-conscious), the Doctor tends to be very chatty alone with themself. I think it's unfair to the Doctor to say that they need to be more self-aware to recognise the hurt they deal on River, they've always known, but because of how their story is told it's hard to 1. not see it as unavoidable and 2. talk about it because of what the Doctor knows about River's future. The hard part is, of course, to admit it to River directlydirectly and to apologize.

River, on the other hand, is a more probable candidate to say something like this to the Doctor's face, we see her expressing her hurt in Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead (whether it's bc how she has grown to trust the Doctor and be vulnerable with them or bc her pain there is too much is unclear). She would absolutely say hurtful things to the Doctor if she thinks it's for their own good (see The Good Man Goes to War), and this situation can kinda be interpreted both ways, so River being the one to express this idea for them both would be realistic.

While River absolutely deserves to say it, i'd argue that she deserves as much, if not more so, to hear it. I don't think the Doctor ever admitted the damage they make, but we do see River kinda voicing it in The Angels Take Manhattan and The Husbands of River Song. Giving this line to River would be an easier road. I suggest giving it to the Doctor instead, partly because it's harder for them, and partly because it would have much greater impact on both of them and their journey. River deserves to hear that the Doctor realizes how hurtful their behaviour is and how sorry they are for everything, the Doctor needs this moment of emotional honesty, to get at least this one thing off their chest, and i think it would make their relationship go one step up, being open with each other in a way they weren't before. It would provide an opportunity for growth for them individually and together.

So here are my thoughts on the matter. I'm so honoured that you've decided to ask my opinion on something like this! I hope it would be of help, this is just my thought process, i'm sure that you can make your fic work beautifully regardless of the perspective you choose. I'm so looking forward to reading the complete story!

#river song #doctor who #conical thoughts

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hopeurokays · 1 year ago

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WENT AND SAW THE ERAS TOUR MOVIE LIKE AN HOUR AGO AND AHHHHHHHHHH. IT WAS SO GOOD (spoilers under the cut)

so my movie theater didn't have popcorn buckets bc their shipment is currently lost

but i got a cup and a poster

i planned on making like 50 bracelets but ended up only making like 20

which is good though cause pretty much nobody had bracelets to trade

i traded 1 and gave out all but 2

i don't know how people don't cry the entire concert

bc i almost cried several times during the movie so the actual concert i think would have me dead

so now im gonna go by era and discuss it

lover:

the opening made me cry

i whisper sung the beginning bc it was still kinda awkward and nobody else was singing loud

until the cruel summer bridge

then we all sung it loud

i LOVE the man and loved getting to see the things i hadn't noticed from tiktok (like the specific dance moves, etc)

the man and lover also made me cry a bit

im so upset she cut the archer

its not even my favorite song or anything but still

fearless:

iconic guitar spins 🫶🏻

everyone did the heart hands, it was so sweet

it was so cute seeing her band sing with her, they're adorable

fearless spins made me cry

love story almost made me bawl, but i held it together

i can remember being in kindergarten and saying my favorite song was love story so thinking about that made me want to sob

evermore:

THEY CUT NO BODY NO CRIME

i was so excited when i realized it was filmed

and then SHE CUT IT

anyways

marjorie made me cry

tolerate it was a materpiece (as expected)

so was champagne problems

reputation:

honestly no words

look what you made me do honestly almost made me cry

when all the other taylors were in the boxes

but still it was all soooooo good

speak now:

enchanted made me tear up

im so glad she wore the purple dress for filming

SHE CUT LONG LIVE 😭😭😭

ik it's the perfect end credit song but still

we wouldn't mind to hear it again

will forever be upset

red:

ngl 22 got me

it was the only one that made me cry

and like i cried like a baby when she gave the 22 hat

i expected it to be kobe bryant's daughter, but it still got it

i was bawling in my seat

but then the rest was really nice

i loved screaming atw

folklore:

ive never seen video of her performing the 1 all the way through and loved it

also betty made me cry

but betty was the first song off folklore id ever heard and was made me listen to her new music so it holds a special place in my heart

also there was a little girl who got up during betty and started dancing, like throwing arms above her head and everything

and she did that for most of folklore

she was a mood tbh

I CANT BELIEVE SHE CUT CARDIGAN

WHYYYYYY

1989:

none of these made me cry, i was too busy dancing lol

they were all really fun

i loved the clubs smashing the car

also i love that she wore the pink one

i just like that outfit best

surprise songs:

i can't say im surprised it was our song and yoyok

and i absolutely loved them

but i was really hoping she would find a way to put all of the songs she sung in la on there

especially you are in love

i wouldve cried and died and just stayed there forever

but yoyok made me cry during the bridge

midnights:

i LOVE the purple jacket/dress combo

kinda freaked out when i realized id have to sit beside my mom during vigilante shit...

but she didn't say anything

i loved the vibes of this era too

other/end credits:

the bracelet part was so cute and clever

and i love the fan moments/bloopers

i do kinda wish the credits would've been styled more like rep tour's was

i also loved the transitions to each era and the text for the album name

it was all really cute

and i loved how taylor was still being goofy

i was worried it wouldn't be as silly as the shows usually are

but im glad it was, it made it feel more authentic

also the quality of everything was SO good

overall i loved it and if you're debating on going just do it (im thinking about going with my friends to watch it a 2nd time...). I'd give it like 1000/10 tbh

#eras #eras tour #taylor swift #the eras tour #eras tour film #eras movie #eras movie spoilers

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wowowwild · 1 year ago

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I go into thinking thoughts mode here, but I want to say I love your post as is and appreciate the comedic tone, I am just unable to stop myself from diving off the deep end, I love Mia Fey and she is a loser. Read more bc it's long bc I keep going off on tangents ADHD go brrrr

Yeah tbh she wasn't good at the family stuff, and I feel really bad for Maya bc you can't have a meaningful 'you messed up' conversation when the other person is dead bc they'll never have the chance to do better or fix it as a whole. You could express little things and maybe get reasons, but Maya is always the one channelling Mia, and idk if she would ask Pearls to do it (strictly in canon. in my head they get to do all sorts of closure things but I don't think that happens in the canon timeline).

And she's not really good at the whole 'sharing' thing. Phoenix not only doesn't know what she has on Redd White, but he doesn't know she was investigating him at all. And then he does the same thing. The literal exact same thing. Are we not learning from our mistakes this season? Mans must be immune to poison bc idk why/how Kristoph didn't kill him. Unfortunately Phoenix is best equated to a nokia brick for a reason (or fortunately if you're anyone who doesn't want him to die in any number of ways he should have died. idk why I took Kristoph POV here.)

And then yeah he does the same thing to Apollo. And:

I think Phoenix knows if he tried to pull everything Mia did he would get beat within an inch of his life. I'm not saying Apollo is naturally horrendously violent (only just a little), I'm just saying a smug Phoenix Wright can draw it out of you. Which brings me back to a previous statement in the tags about Mia punching people, the Fey women are violent my goodness I've said it before, I'll say it again, it is one trait that they share, probably bc of a combination of their being sheltered in a bad family situation and then stepping out into the rest of the world and finding the cruel injustice that awaits them. Um anyway my point was I think Apollo would remind Phoenix of Mia a lot bc he out loud says the kind of things Mia would say, not just thinking them like Phoenix, and he got punched by him for doing something bad and stupid. You could actually draw a lot of parallels with Mia and Apollo tbh but that's a different too long post.

Then the last two on this one I agree. Obviously she left to find her mother, that much is undeniable. I think she also left so she and Maya wouldn't be put in the same position as Misty and Morgan, and so Maya could get a taste of the outside world as well. I don't think she told Maya any of this, Mia is, as we've discussed, not really a sharer. In Kurain village, not only would she have had the normal amount of eldest daughter duties (multiplied bc their mother left them with their aunt Mia knows is 'evil' for lack of a better term), she'd also be preparing to become the next master. And she probably didn't want to! Being the master made her mother disappear and like vivianblue said the family politics were a nightmare. She should have never been put in that situation, none of them should have. It breaks my heart when children grow up with that much responsibility and in bad environments. I think her eldest daughter syndrome probably contributed to how many secrets you kept, bc you're expected to be a sister but also the mother, and you have to take care of everyone and take on their problems without burdening them with your own and she had no one else to go to for support. I don't blame her for getting out of a bad situation. I also don't blame her for not taking Maya with her, she probably didn't make enough to support them both and at least in Kurain Maya could eat and be relatively safe for the time being. And she did talk to her, if only to pass along evidence for safe keeping.

So I can see why she would do everything she did, and she was probably doing her best, but I think if someone has pointed out that she could do better, she would have. I think if she had lived a bit longer, she would have been forced to face her actions head on and she would have grown. But we stop growing the second we die, all that potential is lost.

I keep losing my point. She absolutely messed up literally everything and while I don't think it's her fault necessarily (it is a little bit for some things at least), I do think you also can't afford to not look at it at face value bc that's what the world around her sees. And as many motivations can be given to her, it doesn't change her flaws and quirks, and I wouldn't want it to! I love her bullheadedness and occasional Fey woman violence. I love her ability to somehow be very mysterious but also a cringe fail loser at the same time.

Also I wanted to share these tags:

bc yeah. That' exactly right. We're all making bad decisions here and someone has to learn from this eventually please I am begging. Apollo us also the mysterious type, but I think if he took on someone to mentor he would at least tell them the relevant information and be way more upfront about stuff, that being said I think one day Trucy would pop into his office and his mentee would be like ??? 'I didn't even know you had a sister, let alone a famous magician sister' and Trucy would scold him and Apollo would be like 'and I'll do it again, too!' and then he would do it again bc anything personal would be a surprise. Mentee out here like 'and for the first three years I thought he was a concept that materialized when I stepped into the office existing only to grumble and solve impossible cases. turns out he is actually a real person outside of that but you'd never guess'.

Um I don't think I actually had much of a point to make but thanks for prompting thoughts! I love thinking.

the thing about ace attorney is that if you take mia's actions at face value she kind of sucks a lot but this only makes me love her more. twirling my hair as I watch her utterly fail at improving anything for her family situation ever

#i was also in a youngest shild eldest daughter situation for a while Maya I feel you #ace attorney #mia fey #maya fey #phoenix wright #trucy wright #apollo justice #wild thoughts

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raayllum · 2 years ago

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Kay but like with all the Viren-Callum parallels imagine if we got a moment where Viren and Callum actually get to talking, one on one, and obvi there’s so much baggage there with the family friend betrayal and look who’s got your old job now—

but imagine if there’s a moment where Callum’s asking him where Rayla is and Viren, like whether he knows or not, he’s not looking to answer Callum’s questions anyway, so he just snidely says smth like, well, shouldn’t you know the answer to that better than me? Bc last he saw they were attached at the hip—

And the new high mage’s face changes into something raw and festering, and Viren recognises the look on Callum’s face.

There is a short, stunned silence before:

“…Ah. I see. Another jilted high mage.”

And maybe Viren says it out loud or the silence says it for him:

you really are becoming just like me.

Bc like I think that’s the one parallel that could really get to Callum, that the love of their lives left them — obviously it’s different with Callum, Rayla left because she loved him, to protect him, but he probably doesn’t see it like that —

Callum probably still thinks it happened because he did something wrong somewhere, going over it again and again in his mind like if only I’d been stronger or smarter, if only I’d said this or done that then maybe she would have trusted me and brought me with her, she left because she doesn’t trust me enough, because I’m not enough—

And having that insecurity thrown in his face, of being left, by Viren of all people, who probably didn’t even mean to be cruel in that moment, if anything he’s almost sympathetic because he’s seeing himself now in Callum’s shoes, abandoned by the love of his life because of reasons he just can’t understand.

Just like, the painful irony of Callum being surrounded by so many people who love him and want to be there for him to talk things out, who want to be a healthy support system for him — but in the end it’s not them but Viren who most understands the pain Callum feels because he knows what it’s like.

Harrow lost his world to a dragon. But Viren knows what it’s like to have the rug pulled from under you one night as your world walks away from you by choice. And what does that say about you? What could be so wrong with you, that you would be abandoned just like he was?

Just. It would mess with Callum’s head so much and I am here for it.

I don't think Callum and Viren would get to a civil enough place (Callum left him to die and will probably ragefully want him dead bc he's the reason Rayla left in a lot of ways, right? Easier to blame) to have this type of conversation, and I think they'll draw parallels between some kind of Aaravos backstory (being separated from someone he loves due to his imprisonment, maybe) in order to tether him and Callum as foils / garner sympathy from Callum to him.

All that said: I have definitely thought about Callum is carrying the weight of both Harrow and Viren's losses regarding their wives. (Which, the amount of parallels Rayllum continually has to married couples in the show just makes me lose my mind every time.)

For Viren it is the abandonment, the possible bitterness, and like you said, having the rug pulled out from under you. Having the relationship break with no say in the matter. We know Viren did something morally dubious to heal Soren when he was a kid, but whatever it is made Lissa feel unable to stay (although not to the degree she didn't feel safe/okay leaving their children with him). Callum also did something kinda morally dubious, coming up with the Moon Henge plan and lying to Lujanne's face, tricking Allen into helping them, etc. - so it's not really surprising that it blew up in his face, tbh. I think it's likely that Callum blames himself a decent amount for Rayla's absence, yes - guilt over going to sleep that night, over not reading her signals, over not waking up and being able to stop her, etc - but I also think he knows her well enough to know, with the clarity of the aftermath, that this is just who she is and who she's always been. He just didn't think it would take her away from him like this.

Then with Harrow, it is the years-long grief. Harrow mourned Sarai until he died, writing about her in his final letter to Callum on his last day, nine years after she passed. Callum is two years in, clearly trying to prepare himself for the possibility that Rayla is already dead, but also shows no signs of actually moving on and getting over her, either. Tell me she wasn't your world.

And given Harrow's reservations about seeking revenge in 3x06, as Viren coaxes him into pursuing it, the Avizandum-Viren parallels set up in the S4 opening...

H: It's been a long time. Our kingdom is prospering. There is peace. [...] Perhaps it's wiser to stay focused on these blessings.

I think it's exactly why Callum will be tempted into Dark magic / more dangerous, desperate dealings, too.

#rayllum #tdp callum #the royal family of katolis #it was just red #thanks for asking #anonymous #s4 #arc 2 #mini meta #parallels #harrai #viren x lissa

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atherix · 2 years ago

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Ooh atherix, once again it is morning for me. No wonder i had this tiny gut feelin to tell me to check ur blog up and lo and behold, a new chapter has dropped.

I gotta say, i LOVE the way you write. Especially the way you describe the place, the little things mumbo sees and all that. And do not get me started with how soft Mumbo is with tubbo. Just,,,,the way you write makes ME feel soft, its like watching a kid with an awkward step dad who loves the kid with all his heart but doesnt fuckin know how to act around them and afraid they'll hate u wjxjdjd

And oh man, the snippet that u showed us?? I went thru like a whole JOURNEY over that before i got to that part of the fic. I thought at first, it was tubbo. Bc knowing tubbo, he is a petty kid who will not hesitate to call you bs out. But then i rmb the mimics and went like 'hmmm maybe its those mimics??' And BOOM it was.

And those mimic, BRO I LOVE THEM. I mean i hate how cruel they were but they are an amazing specimen to a writer's eye KEKW. I just loves creatures that can fuck you up mentally or even used your deepest desires and insecurities to their advantage wjdbdbd.

These types of creatures are fascinating in itself, but what makes it a fine specimen for writers is cause they force your characters to realise what their inner problems are, and it can help them tackle them either on their own or someone else finally helps them with it. In othr words GOOD CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT MATERIAL WOOOOO

Anyway this fic isnt as painful as the previous one which made me a bit scared but veru excited. I am current rattling the bars of my cage as we speak out of excitement for it.

- purp anon

Look. It is a good idea to always check my blog because I update at the most random times. 4 PM on a Wednesday? Sure. 3 AM that Thursday? Why not. <3

fhdsjfghsdjk thank you so much!! <3 I love like... "painting" the environment ya know? <3 I try to be loose enough that people can imagine while having enough details to try and paint a picture... and allude/hint to certain things <3 Look. LOOK. I am thoroughly enjoying the slow adoption of Tubbo. I am enjoying the dadification of Mumbo and Grian. I am. Delighted <3 I am so glad other people are enjoying it too <3

Oh Tubbo will ABSOLUTELY call you out on your BS. However, he also knows Scar loves Mumbo very much and is happy they're finally together (he won't say it out loud, of course). He ALSO wasn't actually aware of the state of Scar and Mumbo's relationship- all he knew was Mumbo was a "good man" who happened to be a Vampire, a client of Scar's, and Scar has been crushing on him since basically the start. So it wouldn't have been him saying those things <3 Yes. Mimics my beloathed hjkgfjkkjgf-

I LOVE THE MIMICS TOO. I love some mind fuckery. Emotions? WRECKED. Life? DESTROYED. They will drag out your deepest insecurities and fears that you've refused to put a name to and hit you with it before you even get the chance to process it's THERE. I love it. They're a little (real: a lott'a) fucked up and they got the spirit <3

YES. It forces them to confront the deeper parts of themselves and gives them a chance to fix things before they manifest in the worst possible ways <3 YEEEE <3

Haha this chapter certainly doesn't have the impact the last one would have. Literally no one knew it was coming, not even Stitch <3 It came out of NOWHERE and I was DELIGHTED hehehe. Don't be scared, there's no reason at all to be afraid <3 Hehehe-

#ask #Midnight Series #Purp Anon

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youandthemountains · 2 years ago

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man. I like Johnny, I want better for Johnny, I loved watching Johnny start to grow into himself and be open to change and feel out what matters to him vs what he just parroted from how he grew up even as doing so further isolated him. Loved watching him rediscover a joy in living & learn what he wants to carry forward

But

I just. wish. I could still enjoy lawrusso content - and I think I still can, I still want to, but everything just ignores or brushes past the thing I couldn't stand about him in s4&5 which is just the total lack of regret or any feelings at all about what he did to Daniel, and the very minimal self-awareness about how he's affected everyone else in his life, Carmen and Shannon and Robby and Miguel, people who are hurt by him because they love him and the entire storyline just always becomes well but. He had a sad life 😔 and it makes him sad if you make him feel responsible for how he's affected you 😔.

Like I don't think he should be punished by the story or by his loved ones at all, I don't want to see him wracked with guilt, I don't want to see him grovelling, I don't even want to see him apologize. But it's hard to care about their dynamic at all when he's just - it's so obvious that it doesn't matter at all to him, he's never actually considered how anyone else might have felt, there's no empathy, there's just holding tight onto how everything is someone else's fault. With Robby, the apology given emotionlessly alongside a demand, and again the total lack of empathy - "I know where stuff is in the van because I used to be homeless and slept in it after you abandoned me and cared more about a rivalry than your kid" just totally brushed off and used to somehow guilt trip his son. & In the context of lawrusso specifically - the closest I think the show has ever ever gotten to acknowledging the thing with Daniel wasn't a rivalry was having Chozen say "We're both so similar, we both feel regret for what we've done" while Johnny just sits there silent and blank faced like. I laughed out loud at that scene bc they literally couldn't even have him verbalize that because then it might look like Johnny agrees he may have at some point been in the wrong! That on top of the s4 bar scene where he doesn't give af about what's scaring Daniel & on top of Johnny just continuing to not at all when Daniel comes to him begging for help in S5E5 just kills their dynamic for me because it becomes so painfully. Idk, one-sided, pathetic on Daniel's end to want someone who so clearly doesn't care about him and has been expressing that since he was 17.

I still think about their dynamic but I just can't with stuff that still all is ultimately about Understanding What a Sad Life Johnny Has Had & So It's Actually Cruel To Expect to be Treated Respectfully as an Equal By Him & his love interest should just exist to tell him actually everything is their own fault or to be mean only to learn that actually Johnny's martyring himself for them, or be a prize with no thoughts or feelings of their own (the show is very complicit in this in how it treats Carmen when they're together, & even how it has Shannon post therapy absolve Johnny of everything with zero effort on his part. Not a bad thing to move on from resentment in your life knowing you'll never get closure from a Watsonian perspective but from a Doylist why is that the only post-rehab Shannon scene we get? Why don't we get anything exploring her relationship with her son or her actually being allowed to have feelings about how Johnny treated her without her being portrayed as a neglectful gold digging party girl who's disrupted his relationship with the kid he abandoned?

Like these would be good stories, amazing character arcs except within the show and often bc of that likewise within fics, the story just becomes you just can't ever hold him responsible because he's So Sad 😔 and it won't actually let him grow into - this happened to me but I don't have to perpetuate it and let my own hurt overwhelm my thoughts and drown out my ability to respond to my present situation.

I will say, the scene with Kreese was amazing, tthe best and maybe only scene I liked for his arc in s5. Did feel unearned though like so many of his relationship resolutions this season. And even there I can't even enjoy the arm squeeze because holding the guy back when you've never expressed, even internally!, that you don't still think of him the way Kreese taught you to think of him is like. blech. Daniel gets treated so often by him as this irrational violent hothead that it's hard to see that, from his perspective, as supportive except in a sad kk3 "I'm inherently violent and it's good Johnny can keep me in check" way.

idk I've been trying to avoid ruminating on the negatives and focusing on the stuff I loved but I guess this all has been festering anyway so I wanted to write it out.

#really unnecessarily long ck negativity under the cut #mostly to get it out of my head feel free to ignore it #also spoilers within & lots of s5 johnny negativity sorry.

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