#i don't remember how to be this Lonely
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#i had two really awesome experiences this summer#where i wasn't lonely all the time#i got to be around people who either shared a common interest with me#or who were genuinely interested in the things I love (and let me hear about their interests too!!)#no one ever made me feel like I was stupid or laughed at me#i actually felt like people wanted me to be around#for kind of the first time#and I got too used to that I think#because now that I'm back here#where none of that is true#it's like all of my coping mechanisms have just stopped working#i don't remember how to be this Lonely#and in the meantime I'm terrified that I'll fuck stuff up with my friends#because I'm So Lonely right now and I don't#know what to do with that#and I'm trying so hard to not dump that on them because it's not their problem#a teacher told me the other day to just make some in person friends (there was context but whatever) and I swear I wanted to scream at her#i'm so tired of being back here and it hasn't even been two whole weeks
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The best part about rewatching steven universe is getting to the uncle grandpa crossover after totally forgetting both that that show existed and that SU ever did a crossover it's truly the funniest episode
#civetspeaks#steven universe#i had one bad lonely day and i go back to my comfort show i can't be sad when im watching pearl#people don't talk enough about how funny SU is it's actually got so many good jokes#I LOVE PEARL I LOVE PEARL MY SWEEITE DARLING#who the fuck is pizza steve#now Giant Realistic Flying Tiger is the best character she was the only one i remembered loved her she's a queen
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Pepper Jack is so happy that he found one (1) person in the godforsaken world @cuppajj created that is actually relatively normal/sane and treats him well without any ulterior motives... That witch wearing his mother's face is unbearable in every sense of the word; that strange, sleeping husk wearing his father's is too busy fermenting in a kimchi jar to engage him in any meaningful conversation (not that Jack doesn't try, anyway). Yellow Feather is, well and truly, the only friend he has in this universe. And you can bet that he's going to cling to her like his life depends on it it probably does to some degree idk
Yellow Feather is very fond of the boy; it's hard not to be. He's so sweet and adorable! And yet... there's just something about him. Why does he look so familiar? He looks like... No, it can't be. That's impossible. Her Radiance never had children. But then... His face... Whose face could that be, if not hers? And his eyes... Those look painfully familiar, too. Where has she seen that shade of red before...?
#his wings are fully outstretched. that's how happy he is lol (you can often tell Jack's true feelings by the state of his wings)#also he thinks it's really sad that YF has amnesia. he wants to help her remember who she is#then maybe. hopefully. they can find a way to send him home afterwards... right?#i wasn't sure which of YF's features to dub as the “defining” one for coloring...#...so I just went ahead and colored her scarf + her little Triforce hair clip. might as well lol#also ignore that I don't understand how to draw folds in clothes please and thank you#cookie run kingdom#beast ancients au#yellow feather cookie#pepper jack cookie#burningcheese#goldenspice#baby bird was in desperate need of an adult ok :( the only other adult he trusts is in a coma and being used as a battery#give him a break :( let him yap :( please he's so scared and lonely in this horrible place
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HOLY SHIT I FOUND YOU!! I SAW YOUR FNAF ART LIKE A YEAR AGO ON PINTREST AND I WAS LIKE DAMN THATS PRETTY FUCKING AWSOME BUT FOR THE LIFE OF ME I COULDN'T FIND THE ARTIST BUT I JUST DID, ITS YOU!!
I have no idea which art of mine you found from pinterest but based on what you're implying I lowkey think it's this screenshot redraw I made for the FNAF movie lmao (which I hope I'm right)

Unfortunately you won't get much FNAF art from me nowadays anon, ever since Ruin disappointed me immensely I've just lost most of the hope I've been clinging onto for the franchise, now I'm just here... reminiscing, watching from the sidelines, and making a once-in-a-blue-moon art for it if I'm feeling extra
#thanks for the ask!#Ziku's insane rambles#fnaf#fnaf art#freddy fazbear#bonnie the bunny#chica the chicken#Just to be clear#I don't HATE FNAF#I'm just tired of seeing the one character I love get dragged to the mud multiple times#I'm being nihilistic but when I say there's no place for Chica fans in the fnaf fandom#there really isn't one I'm afraid#Scott had the opportunity to do SOMETHING WORTHWHILE with Glamrock Chica#instead we got fucking Roxanne Wolf because oooo the fandom likes the furry bait ig#not that I hate Roxanne Wolf either but how tf are you prioritizing this one-time character over the ONE WHO HAS CONTINUOUSLY EXISTED#AND WILL CONTINUE TO EXIST; WITHOUT PURPOSE MIND YOU; BECAUSE YOU KEEP FUMBLING#I guess what I'm saying is.... fnaf can be so alienating and lonely if the character you like isn't the furry thirst traps#because Scott hates Chica and doing anything remotely important with her; she's just a joke character in his eyes#sigh... now I'm sad because I'm remembering what made me drift away from this franchise
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Danny moved to Gotham.
Freakshow is touring in Gotham.
Freakshow knows Danny is in Gotham.
Danny knows Freakshow is still after him.
Danny's faith in heroes has been shattered.
Danny turns to the only person powerful enough to run Freakshow out of town, hopefully for good.
Danny turns to the Joker for help.
The Joker is looking for a new punching bag sidekick after Harley Quinn left him.
Danny is just the perfect person to be shaped by the Joker's hands.
Danny becomes the new Joker Junior.
#pondhead blurbs#dpxdc#how we feeling about this fellas#i think it's an ideal angst fic#but i don't wanna write it lol#the younger danny is the worse it gets#someone said that danny shouldn't be afraid of the joker because he's a clown and freakshow is a ringmaster. not a clown#if i find that post i'll tag the creator cause i can't remember rn#but i'm imagining danny who is heavily traumatized and scared and lonely#finding out that one of his worst enemies he hoped to never see again is hunting him and is so close danny has to check his eyes every day#just to make sure they haven't turned red#his anxiety is out of control and he's not about to go find a Bat or Bird to talk to#who would believe him anyways? he's a monster#but danny needs help cause he will not survive this on his own and he knows it#freakshow haunts his every waking dream#but freakshow isn't from gotham. he doesn't have the city's curses engraved into his blood. he never died and he's not truly teasing death#so danny chooses to plead for help from the only predator bigger than freakshow (in his eyes) who IS from gotham#danny goes to the Joker. prepared to offer everything but his free will and free mind. he can't give those up. it's all he has.#danny is a feral house cat asking a tiger to take care of a mountain lion for him by offering the tiger his own liver on a silver platter#joker is...delighted? maybe? no one is quite sure. but he takes what danny offers.#here is this little boy. almost the same age as the second robin when he died. pleading for the JOKER to be his savior. this will be fun
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I took this letter to a memorial but wanted to share here too.
"Thank you Liam so much for being in my life and shaping so many childhoods. Thank you for giving us love, support and encouragement through your and One Direction's music during the hard times and highlights of our lives.
You were a kind, generous and charitable person who encouraged so many to follow their dreams and be as kind as you were. You had the kind of smile that shone in your eyes, brighter than any star, and gave us so much comfort.
Thank you again so much for the music that helped me get through everything life threw my way.
I don't want to say 'goodbye' but instead see you later. Thank you for everything. You made me strong.
Rest in peace, My Angel
I can't say thank you enough, but truly thank you for everything Liam. I can't believe you're gone. I've lost count of how many days its been, but each morning I keep waking up expecting the news to change, but it doesn't 💔.
I keep saying each night "I'll see you tomorrow. Things will be different tomorrow.", just so I can sleep and have hope for tomorrow, but the news still doesn't change 💔. But one tomorrow, we all will see you again.
Songs I keep revisiting whenever I miss you tons is You're Beautiful by James Blunt and Drops of Jupiter by Train. I think they capture the type of person you were, beautiful inside and out. An angel. And at peace now. ❤️
Whenever I need reassurance, I'll look to the sky, because I know that's where you are now.
Rest well
#rip my angel#the way I started crying all over again 😭#how im usually one of little words but had more to say :(#liam#I am so grateful for the memorial we had because I have no idea how I or anyone could grieve alone 🥹 i felt so lonely without it#thank you also to everyone here and being such an amazing community 🫂#if anyone needs to talk i'm also here^^#omw to feeling like i need to puke again I just wish he'd come back :((((((#thank you liam#remembering liam payne#liam payne memorial#thankyouliampayne#rip liam payne#thankyouliam#RememberingLiamPayne#payne#how long it took me to hit “post” bc I don't want to ever “finalize” him being gone :(
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more sofpollo 🥺?
OF COURSE I'm always up for some soft Apollo, it gives me the chance to draw him with his kids and by his kids I mean Gracie specifically <3
(Gracie is now what Luguselwa was for me before TON came out, meaning that I have literally zero information of what sort of character she actually is but I'm obsessed with her anyway)
#i really like the concept of her just encapsulating the essence of a true seven/eight year old#it makes for some adorable interactions with apollo and the rest of her cabin#i don't remember if it was mentioned how old she was but it doesn't matter#she's seven to me#lonely thoughts#trials of apollo#toa#pjo#apollo#lester papadopoulos#percy jackson#scribbles#ask
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it's kinda crazy Bah Humduck exists... Porky being a lonely single father struggling to make ends meet for the holidays and Daffy resenting said holidays because he doesn't have any family to spend it with, and Porky straight up says that he can be a part of their family and his daughter calling him Uncle Daffy?? this is like, fanfiction material. but it's real and it rules extremely. this post was intended to just muse on how i like the idea of Porky being a struggling single father because it scratches a good sympathetic Porky itch in my brain but, man. pig and duck huh
#i was watching The Courtship of Eddie's Father with my mom (cute movie idk how i never saw it esp since it has Shirley Jones and Ron Howard#only a year after The Music Man) and it's all about this guy trying to find a date ever since he lost his wife and he's the usual mild#mannered everyman. and one of his dates had a yappy little poodle that kept growling at him and would bark at him when he tried to flirt#with the girl. and it of course made me think back to Porky's Romance (which i feel very certain in saying that pulled insp from Chaplin's#Modern Times)#but that getting Porky on the brain made me remember Bah Humduck#Bah Humduck is definitely a bit shmaltzy and i still kinda instinctively laugh at Porky's bug-eyed Tara Strong voiced daughter#it's sort of difficult for me to really embed into my stockpile of Porky beliefs. i can't see either of these guys with kids#but it's like... au material. there's something there maybe. i don't know if i have the flint and steel available to initiate a flame#with it or that i'd want to. but i'm rotating it approvingly in my mind#i like when Porky is lonely and pathetic except for when i don't (TLTS)#📝#📺
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the downside to cutting out half my socmed is that I am also terribly NPC in behaviour and forget that I can speak even when not spoken to. so unless I formed that 'outside of fandom' connection or someone messages me first, I just kind of keep to myself. Its like my brain forgets it can have friends outside of proximity. Idk if that's an issue with growing up only child online, being over 30, or moving to a country where I don't speak the language and being a bit of a recluse as a result. prolly a hearty mix of all three and sprinkle in my nerves. Unless something new has happened or is relevant to bring up, I just kind of am present in the place in which I inhabit and sometimes people talk at me which is always nice! but I guess my brain just doesn't consider the social aspect can work in one direction other than unto me.
#What flavour of issue is this you might ask?#Who knows I sure don't#It doesn't occur to me until it does and then I realize I'm a bit lonely and have a whinge about it#I'm working on the language thing but my migraines have been torturous for taking in information this past year#Hard to study when you have an ice pick lodged behind your eye#Also the transient aphasia but y'know#I didn't have a strong grasp of the English language to begin with#Idk but I do be thinking lately how little social enrichment I have in my enclosure#And we haven't even touched on the rsd when I do remember Im not an NPC lmao#Nana life#Delete later
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I want Fire Emblem artist friends, especially friends with OCs and self-inserts or those who like FE3H
GIVE ME YOUR CHILDREN I WISH TO LOOK AT THEM
#fire emblem#fire emblem oc#fe3h oc#I know this is a shot in the dark but idk how to approach people like a normal person#I'm very lonely and would like more Fire Emblem friends#If you have OCs PLEASE throw them at me I want to see them#and talk about them#I'm trying to find people I remember but I don't remember usernames + some of them might not have tumblr...#seriously debating whether or not to rejoin the art scuffle discord server just to be able to make friends with some peeps in there#discord has blocking function now right?
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My mom drinks reheated coffee
My sister doesn't like coffee, and eating in the morning makes her sick, so she's never around for breakfast
I have drunk a cup of coffee everyday since I was twelve, influenced by my parents
My dad drank his black
My mom, with a dash of milk
And I always took mine with two spoonfuls of sugar
But we all ate bread with butter, with a little bit of creamcheese
We woke up at different times, to go to different places, but whoever woke up first would make enough coffee for three and set the table for everyone
Mom drank her coffee in a old clay mug she bought somewhere long before, while me and dad drank coffee in traditional glasses
The table was set with the bread, the butter, the cheese, the plates, spoons, mug and glasses
But I moved away to college a year ago
And dad has been dead for four
But still, mom makes enough coffee for three
And sets a table that only she sits on
So the coffee grows cold and the bread goes stale
But still, she reheats them, and wills them to last just a little bit longer
#i'm at work#one of my coworkers made coffee but it got cold before we could drink it#so she threw it away#i asked her why not just reheat it and she said she likes coffee fresh and can't stand the taste of old coffee#that took me back a bit because i remembered my mom laughing in one of our calls and telling me that most days she drinks reheated coffee#she just makes too much she said#i asked if my sister drank any but adulthood does not seem to have changed her habits so she still skips breakfast#and i thought of my mom eating breakfast by herself in our house#how big and lonely the table must feel#and it made me sad#idk if this counts as poetry and i doubt it's good since i wrote it in two minutes on my phone but i needed to get these feelings out#i have started taking my coffee with milk since i moved away#but i still add sugar#i don't like bitter tastes#my writing#writers on tumblr#poetry#poem#original poem#original poetry
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the way I'm turning into the heart eyes emoji rereading Harrowhark's introduction is unreal
#love how right off the bat it's clear she's So thirsty to be challenged and get push back from someone and that's a big part of why Gideon#is compelling to her. everyone else treats her either like she's made of glass or like she's made of stone or somehow both and she's sooo#fucking lonely and bored by it but then Gideon is so very Not boring#also love her admiring Gideon's stubborness even (especially when) it's directed towards spiting her#oh and “but i don't even remember about you most of the time” lollll. both for foreshadowing and because she's such a fucking liar#s speaks#s rereads tlt
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im just gonna be a lonely unlovable excluded kid desperate for attention for the rest of my life until i die at this point huh
#no one cares if i die#did i ever stop?#it was better once. before everything crumbled#I don't even have a mom now#or anything. im an only child who lost its birth parents and its foster parents and its found tranny parents.#ill never make friends cuz no one wants to sit with the lonely kid. no one at all#and its all my fault for not learning how to be human.#i am just constantly thinking abt people idk how to msg first who said they were my friends and said they thought of me and would remember#everyones gone and i have to watch them scroll past me and post here while i get isolated by everything :')))
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[voice of guy who is still a little upset] hope that the rest of s8 flops so bad no one wants to touch the new 911 spinoff with a 10 foot pole [finger on monkey's paw curls]
#911#911 abc#911 spoilers#in the rest of my tags#was just thinking about how i thought the ads i was getting for the two parter made me think#that 911 contagion was gonna be the new supposed spin off and remembered that theres supposed to actually be one#i hope they just don't care and kill off a major dad figure in s1. keep it fresh keep it interesting#keep it giving a middle finger to viewers who want tv to be kind and reasonable#haven't finished lone star yet [got like 2 episodes left] but dude i got upset over how they had two pretty major mcd's but then#had storylines that disrespectfully stepped all over the purpose of them#rant for another time but god cannot even imagine how much more they can stomp all over bobbys storyline more than#just killing off the character who learned to value his life in spite of how much he convinced himself he had a time limit on earth#it's all bad man#demdems.txt
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A place so far away, yet it feels so close to home. → Do you remember it too?
FFXIV 'Vanilla' Gpose Challenge: 2. Landscape/Location
Fanow couldn't be further from home, yet the moist smell of the forest grounds mixing with smell of fresh, untainted air, reminded him of the years he lost. The Vii of The First all saw it. The distant gaze, the longing sighs. He had lost a home, but welcomed into a new. Lily kept thinking about how he wanted to, or at least hoped to, bring his sisters and brother here. Yet... could they remember it? Their lives before the attack? Before their lives were changed forever?
#i like to think that the vii on the first always see this longing in lily's eyes when he's there#like he wants something but he knows he cant get it#especially the -met sisters. they would say he looks lonely#if he could. lily would probably bring his siblings to fanow.. the two oldest at least#but the two youngest don't remember shit. for all they know they couldve lived in uldah always#near as well. since she is also old enough to remember#he probably also ends up mentioning he has siblings where he's from and mention vaguely what happened#without ''bothering'' them too much#ourgh... they pack him some local specialties to share with his siblings...#bc they notice how calm and happy he looks when he talks about them#yet this... lingering feeling of guilt he has... it will never go away#shadowbringers spoilers#❖ Gpose#Gpose#Gposers#ffxiv Gpose#ff14 Gpose#final fantasy gpose#ffxiv#ffxiv viera#warrior of light#final fantasy viera#final fantasy 14#ff14#viera#male viera#ffxiv gpose#wol#Lily Oh'fally
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it's so interesting, to me. i can't figure out if nima is sadder in her DA verse comparatively to her ffxiv verse. granted, they are quite different in that within DA she's following from her own timeline & in ffxiv she was already a participant IN the world. but man.
main verse nima just keeps losing i tell you!
#she's. hmmm. is she happier in her ffxiv verse... i want to say yes#because she has jiyu. LOL.#and yes she has the students & scions so she has a groundwork there. a family#BUT OHHHHHHHH MY GOD dragon age nima...........#nima is kind of like a losing dog fr#like i don't know! because she meets varric and dorian and they are... the only family she's ever really known in... forever really#she meets solas! & he's the loneliest of lonely like her! an outsider like her. who understands. who she has genuinely interesting convos w#she remembers what it's like to actually HAVE something akin to a family#and yes it's all fucking terrible and sometimes she can't even breathe from it & she loses at the end of it all but JUST in that one moment#she remembers what it's like to be SO close to people#her flaw is both the dagger that trails wounds but also the very thing that saves her#she can't run and it is HORRIFYING. she's never felt more trapped!#but... but... she learns how to love. what it means to love. again. without turning her back. without fleeing#it's like my girl pixie lott put it#>''i might lose my mind for a while but i'll be fine / have you heard? there's thing that heals & it's called time / clock can tick away --#happy will fall in place / & though my heart will break / a new me will fill this space''#i am such a villain for this but OUHHHHHH it's so good. and then trespasser happens & the 10 years that follow#and yknow she's not okay. in fact it is BRUTAL for many different reasons but. it's a work in progress#post trespasser is crazy i have to think about the changes that follow#wouldn't it be kind of sick if nima had dropped returning home briefly. briefly. and then went back to it (making her self ill from it)#she's saved the world once she's done with it she's done she can no longer stay#& dorian.... lovely dorian... would snap her to her senses but god would it be talking to a wall for a while#i don't think she would stop helping the inq look for solas but it's more like... she gets frantic & clouded for a while & keeps that on th#downlow yknow?#nima vc: i am SO tired of saving worlds and i couldn't tell you why i couldn't begin to explain this dread within me#i am SO tired! of it all#nima catching herself saying worlds like hold on. 2. what was the first...#AUUUGH okay yeah smile im normal
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