#i don't remember how to be this Lonely
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#i had two really awesome experiences this summer#where i wasn't lonely all the time#i got to be around people who either shared a common interest with me#or who were genuinely interested in the things I love (and let me hear about their interests too!!)#no one ever made me feel like I was stupid or laughed at me#i actually felt like people wanted me to be around#for kind of the first time#and I got too used to that I think#because now that I'm back here#where none of that is true#it's like all of my coping mechanisms have just stopped working#i don't remember how to be this Lonely#and in the meantime I'm terrified that I'll fuck stuff up with my friends#because I'm So Lonely right now and I don't#know what to do with that#and I'm trying so hard to not dump that on them because it's not their problem#a teacher told me the other day to just make some in person friends (there was context but whatever) and I swear I wanted to scream at her#i'm so tired of being back here and it hasn't even been two whole weeks
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HOLY SHIT I FOUND YOU!! I SAW YOUR FNAF ART LIKE A YEAR AGO ON PINTREST AND I WAS LIKE DAMN THATS PRETTY FUCKING AWSOME BUT FOR THE LIFE OF ME I COULDN'T FIND THE ARTIST BUT I JUST DID, ITS YOU!!
I have no idea which art of mine you found from pinterest but based on what you're implying I lowkey think it's this screenshot redraw I made for the FNAF movie lmao (which I hope I'm right)
Unfortunately you won't get much FNAF art from me nowadays anon, ever since Ruin disappointed me immensely I've just lost most of the hope I've been clinging onto for the franchise, now I'm just here... reminiscing, watching from the sidelines, and making a once-in-a-blue-moon art for it if I'm feeling extra
#thanks for the ask!#Ziku's insane rambles#fnaf#fnaf art#freddy fazbear#bonnie the bunny#chica the chicken#Just to be clear#I don't HATE FNAF#I'm just tired of seeing the one character I love get dragged to the mud multiple times#I'm being nihilistic but when I say there's no place for Chica fans in the fnaf fandom#there really isn't one I'm afraid#Scott had the opportunity to do SOMETHING WORTHWHILE with Glamrock Chica#instead we got fucking Roxanne Wolf because oooo the fandom likes the furry bait ig#not that I hate Roxanne Wolf either but how tf are you prioritizing this one-time character over the ONE WHO HAS CONTINUOUSLY EXISTED#AND WILL CONTINUE TO EXIST; WITHOUT PURPOSE MIND YOU; BECAUSE YOU KEEP FUMBLING#I guess what I'm saying is.... fnaf can be so alienating and lonely if the character you like isn't the furry thirst traps#because Scott hates Chica and doing anything remotely important with her; she's just a joke character in his eyes#sigh... now I'm sad because I'm remembering what made me drift away from this franchise
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Danny moved to Gotham.
Freakshow is touring in Gotham.
Freakshow knows Danny is in Gotham.
Danny knows Freakshow is still after him.
Danny's faith in heroes has been shattered.
Danny turns to the only person powerful enough to run Freakshow out of town, hopefully for good.
Danny turns to the Joker for help.
The Joker is looking for a new punching bag sidekick after Harley Quinn left him.
Danny is just the perfect person to be shaped by the Joker's hands.
Danny becomes the new Joker Junior.
#pondhead blurbs#dpxdc#how we feeling about this fellas#i think it's an ideal angst fic#but i don't wanna write it lol#the younger danny is the worse it gets#someone said that danny shouldn't be afraid of the joker because he's a clown and freakshow is a ringmaster. not a clown#if i find that post i'll tag the creator cause i can't remember rn#but i'm imagining danny who is heavily traumatized and scared and lonely#finding out that one of his worst enemies he hoped to never see again is hunting him and is so close danny has to check his eyes every day#just to make sure they haven't turned red#his anxiety is out of control and he's not about to go find a Bat or Bird to talk to#who would believe him anyways? he's a monster#but danny needs help cause he will not survive this on his own and he knows it#freakshow haunts his every waking dream#but freakshow isn't from gotham. he doesn't have the city's curses engraved into his blood. he never died and he's not truly teasing death#so danny chooses to plead for help from the only predator bigger than freakshow (in his eyes) who IS from gotham#danny goes to the Joker. prepared to offer everything but his free will and free mind. he can't give those up. it's all he has.#danny is a feral house cat asking a tiger to take care of a mountain lion for him by offering the tiger his own liver on a silver platter#joker is...delighted? maybe? no one is quite sure. but he takes what danny offers.#here is this little boy. almost the same age as the second robin when he died. pleading for the JOKER to be his savior. this will be fun
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I took this letter to a memorial but wanted to share here too.
"Thank you Liam so much for being in my life and shaping so many childhoods. Thank you for giving us love, support and encouragement through your and One Direction's music during the hard times and highlights of our lives.
You were a kind, generous and charitable person who encouraged so many to follow their dreams and be as kind as you were. You had the kind of smile that shone in your eyes, brighter than any star, and gave us so much comfort.
Thank you again so much for the music that helped me get through everything life threw my way.
I don't want to say 'goodbye' but instead see you later. Thank you for everything. You made me strong.
Rest in peace, My Angel
I can't say thank you enough, but truly thank you for everything Liam. I can't believe you're gone. I've lost count of how many days its been, but each morning I keep waking up expecting the news to change, but it doesn't 💔.
I keep saying each night "I'll see you tomorrow. Things will be different tomorrow.", just so I can sleep and have hope for tomorrow, but the news still doesn't change 💔. But one tomorrow, we all will see you again.
Songs I keep revisiting whenever I miss you tons is You're Beautiful by James Blunt and Drops of Jupiter by Train. I think they capture the type of person you were, beautiful inside and out. An angel. And at peace now. ❤️
Whenever I need reassurance, I'll look to the sky, because I know that's where you are now.
Rest well
#rip my angel#the way I started crying all over again 😭#how im usually one of little words but had more to say :(#liam#I am so grateful for the memorial we had because I have no idea how I or anyone could grieve alone 🥹 i felt so lonely without it#thank you also to everyone here and being such an amazing community 🫂#if anyone needs to talk i'm also here^^#omw to feeling like i need to puke again I just wish he'd come back :((((((#thank you liam#remembering liam payne#liam payne memorial#thankyouliampayne#rip liam payne#thankyouliam#RememberingLiamPayne#payne#how long it took me to hit “post” bc I don't want to ever “finalize” him being gone :(
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more sofpollo 🥺?
OF COURSE I'm always up for some soft Apollo, it gives me the chance to draw him with his kids and by his kids I mean Gracie specifically <3
(Gracie is now what Luguselwa was for me before TON came out, meaning that I have literally zero information of what sort of character she actually is but I'm obsessed with her anyway)
#i really like the concept of her just encapsulating the essence of a true seven/eight year old#it makes for some adorable interactions with apollo and the rest of her cabin#i don't remember if it was mentioned how old she was but it doesn't matter#she's seven to me#lonely thoughts#trials of apollo#toa#pjo#apollo#lester papadopoulos#percy jackson#scribbles#ask
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I want Fire Emblem artist friends, especially friends with OCs and self-inserts or those who like FE3H
GIVE ME YOUR CHILDREN I WISH TO LOOK AT THEM
#fire emblem#fire emblem oc#fe3h oc#I know this is a shot in the dark but idk how to approach people like a normal person#I'm very lonely and would like more Fire Emblem friends#If you have OCs PLEASE throw them at me I want to see them#and talk about them#I'm trying to find people I remember but I don't remember usernames + some of them might not have tumblr...#seriously debating whether or not to rejoin the art scuffle discord server just to be able to make friends with some peeps in there#discord has blocking function now right?
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i haven’t been here much recently, and i’m sorry i’ve only been negative on the off chance i’ve been online, but let me just say one last piece before the end of this month, so that maybe the next might be better….
#or maybe my time here ends w this month…i’m not sure i guess it all depends on how i feel but as of right now#everytime i think i'm fine i open tumblr and immediately am sad again the whole app has become my doomscroll at this point#i got a notification on a random talking post from a while ago and it felt like reading the words of a completely different person#lately i find it difficult to find any joy here at all when it always feels so lonely… a type of loneliness i’ve never experienced before#everyone always has ppl interacting w them who are interested in their stuff or are always sent things that are reminiscent of them....#i’m always praised for remembering stuff abt other ppl but i wonder if anyone remembers anything abt me#what is it about me that is so forgettable am i dull am i uninteresting did i not solidify myself enough do you guys just not like me lolz#but i don't want this to come across as guilt tripping or being ungrateful to what i do have because ik comparison is the death of joy but#it's still hard to watch when it's so in your face and it makes me think if ppl only talk to me because they feel obligated to#because anyone can say empty words.... i wish my perception of things didn't turn bitter i wish i hadn't become so jaded but#over and over i've felt irrelevant cast aside overshadowed and i cannot exist in a place where i feel like i'm a ghost in the corner#idk i've never felt like This before and i'm at least glad it's something i can walk away from by just....leaving...#sad that this used to be somewhere i can run away To but now it's become somewhere i want to run away From#i don't know...even if i get over whatever this is...things will never be the same for me... i just don't think i belong here#if only i had never made this blog then i would have saved myself a world of turmoil
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I think as we grow up, we have to be really conscious of romanticizing the world we grew up in in order to scorn how the next generations are growing up.
Nostalgia isn't inherently bad, but especially in political spaces, be very wary of this idea that there is an Ideal Past we must Harken Back To.
It sucks to feel left behind, but such is the human condition. It isn't bad to feel nostalgic, but that doesn't mean that these new generations are inherently "lost" and "need to be saved (by you)", and I think that is very important to remember and try to be conscious of.
#politics#'the world you grew up in no longer exists' frankly... GOOD!#the world i personally grew up in was scary and lonely and traumatizing. no kid today should STILL be growing up like that#the whole 'nostalgia as a poltical means' is rooted in this idea that...#1) we all grew up in a hegemony 2) we all turned out the same 3) the way we grew up had more privileges afforded to us#and i personally like nostalgia! i like watching videocamera videos from 2005 and looking up super specific shit#but nostalgia does not a good world make#INSERT UMBERTO ECO'S FOURTEEN POINTS ON FASCISM#(though i don't always think nostalgia can lead to this in a political sense there is a fine line)#be very mindful of what motivates nostalgiaposting#is it because people miss childhood and how 'simple' it felt? or is there a different reason that motivates this type of posting?#are you romanticizing childhood to the point you are not remembering your childhood /at all/ but the *idea* of it?#and honestly it is SO jarring when my peers are nostalgic because it's like... we aren't even that old!!#it comes across like... the world is hard and it's getting harder and so we cannot chnage and must wistfully think of the past...#...and to me it comes across as almost... doomerist in how end-stage feelings of nostalgia and hopelessness seen#i feel compassion for the impulse to feel like your old life is over and you need to grieve it...#...but certainly that isn't the younger generations fault? especially because WE are now the ones rasing them and we still yet live#(even at our completely decrepit age of not even close to a mid-life crisis (sarcasm and lighthearted))
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im just gonna be a lonely unlovable excluded kid desperate for attention for the rest of my life until i die at this point huh
#no one cares if i die#did i ever stop?#it was better once. before everything crumbled#I don't even have a mom now#or anything. im an only child who lost its birth parents and its foster parents and its found tranny parents.#ill never make friends cuz no one wants to sit with the lonely kid. no one at all#and its all my fault for not learning how to be human.#i am just constantly thinking abt people idk how to msg first who said they were my friends and said they thought of me and would remember#everyones gone and i have to watch them scroll past me and post here while i get isolated by everything :')))
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Tim Drake: oh man i hope there’s not an evil inverse me with reversed initials vying for my spot as smartest batkid
Duke Thomas:
#guy with the rep for being the sleepyist bat versus guy who wakes up bright and early every morning with vigilantism on his mind#and they have inversed intials?#coincidence? i think not!#hey remember in lonely place when Tim figured out who dick was by watching him on the news? and then Duke TECHNICALLY did the same thing#hey remember how duke met Bruce as a kid? and how Tim met dick as a kid?#remember when Duke learned riddles like the baby girl boss he was and he knew dick’s song#actually remember how dick had a song written about him? slay.#leo says shit#tim drake#duke thomas#it was me Timmy. I killed your mom.#somehow when I was like. wait let me do the math.#Tim was 13 so add 4 years to make 17 and Dami is nine so so then three to make him 12 is 7 and then 16-7 oh shit I was gonna guess nine#SOMEHOW I killed your mother when I was a nine year old living in the narrows#it was me. I crashed the plane Barry I mean Tim#can you tell i (op not duke) am procrastinating on something because I’m procrastinating on something rn#ANYWAYS now i want to see evil duke well actually i will never be able to see that because evil duke would simply steal all the light#and then kill me with the light i guess i don't really understand how his powers work
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A place so far away, yet it feels so close to home. → Do you remember it too?
FFXIV 'Vanilla' Gpose Challenge: 2. Landscape/Location
Fanow couldn't be further from home, yet the moist smell of the forest grounds mixing with smell of fresh, untainted air, reminded him of the years he lost. The Vii of The First all saw it. The distant gaze, the longing sighs. He had lost a home, but welcomed into a new. Lily kept thinking about how he wanted to, or at least hoped to, bring his sisters and brother here. Yet... could they remember it? Their lives before the attack? Before their lives were changed forever?
#i like to think that the vii on the first always see this longing in lily's eyes when he's there#like he wants something but he knows he cant get it#especially the -met sisters. they would say he looks lonely#if he could. lily would probably bring his siblings to fanow.. the two oldest at least#but the two youngest don't remember shit. for all they know they couldve lived in uldah always#near as well. since she is also old enough to remember#he probably also ends up mentioning he has siblings where he's from and mention vaguely what happened#without ''bothering'' them too much#ourgh... they pack him some local specialties to share with his siblings...#bc they notice how calm and happy he looks when he talks about them#yet this... lingering feeling of guilt he has... it will never go away#shadowbringers spoilers#❖ Gpose#Gpose#Gposers#ffxiv Gpose#ff14 Gpose#final fantasy gpose#ffxiv#ffxiv viera#warrior of light#final fantasy viera#final fantasy 14#ff14#viera#male viera#ffxiv gpose#wol#Lily Oh'fally
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Last man standing (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#It's lonely at the top :(#Poor dearest is worse for wear ah </3#This scene made me cry ;;#Like it was sad when he wrote down his missing canonmates but going back in and writing everyone else's names ;;;;#Even his shaky alliances! Even the people he hasn't seen for a while!! Wehhh <3 <3 <3#You soft heart ;; I see you Admiral ♥#Also had a lot of fun writing in VUK ZIX again hehe ♪#The translations from VUK ZIX to English aren't exact - for starters they're upside down haha#So if you started from the top down it would actually read KINLEZ NATPAK but I figured that wouldn't be as readable#You read from the bottom up! I also still headcanon it being written/read from left to right#So he started with Zelnick then Fwiffo then Tanaka and so on#Although I did change it up for the second one - Teisel then Xelloss then Xigbar then Asch and Van#The more I think of it the more I'm surprised there's no H :0#Even just as a demarcation of a pause before during or after a syllable#The ''sh'' sound makes complete sense tho hehe <3#Any incorrect shaping of letters/poor handwriting on my part can totally be chalked up to ZEX not being used to human hands!#Totallyyy lol#I really like the way specific syllables are shaped - like how Teisel and Zelnick almost share the same shaped between ''SEL'' and ''ZEL''#How Z is a more connected extension of S just agh it's so pretty <3 <3 Eco_Mono really did such a lovely job with it ♪#And then certain ''incorrectly'' spelled syllables still turned out so pretty! Like the ''ANA'' in Talana - look how swoopy and continuous!#The ''BAR'' in Xigbar looks really cool - honestly reminds me of the fanweapons I made ages ago for I? think? Xigbar's apprentice??#It's been too long I don't remember now lol but it's cool to me in particular because of that!! :D#Fwiffo looks so funny haha - Tanaka has a cool star-like kind of letter in his name?? Man it's just so neat <3#As for ZEX - I mean he made it this far :( Not one to give up easily that's for certain ♥ Tenacious#I want him to be happy :'0
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#whew. this sucks#i.... hhh#well. im... sad.#and scared. and painful. and lonely.#just really running the whole gambit of shit right now.#and fuck I'm just so tired.#so so so so so tired.#everything keeps happening. Just. Over and over and over and over#i cannot get a break#i don't feel like I've truly rested in months#im out of my program now. and....#......i dunno. maybe my memory just fucking sucks. but i feel like im worse#i feel like i didn't even go.#three weeks of memory. down the drain.#like it didn't exist.#i cried a lot. I know that. Breakdowns constantly.#it's all gone though. I don't remember it#........gods you have no clue how.....petrifying that is.#........am i even alive?#Did i kill myself weeks ago and i just don't know it yet?#i feel so alone#im so tired.#....I'm so tired......#.............please let me rest...... im so so tired........#........when can i stop...?
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Song of the Day: December 11
“Only the Lonely Talkin” by Danielle Peck
#song of the day#hard to pick a song for today because I wasn't paying proper attention to most of the music I played#mentally chasing my tail over something very close to a no-win scenario and I loaded up with supplementary stimuli#educational podcasts and music and Stardew Valley and also I wrote a sweet little variant on my favorite excel macro#(quick shoutout to tam--lin for linking that Shanspeare video the other day and reminding me there is non-music-video youtube I enjoy)#but mostly I was just chewing the same three thoughts#I did have a nice exchange with Duncan about this song though so it wins the pick#we were talking about this singer and Duncan said he didn't think he'd heard of her#I reminded him of her song 'I Don't' which he does remember but not fondly but then there's also this song!#I mentioned how much I like its sustained vowel sounds and said something like 'any song I get to do a little howl in the middle'#and he did his comically-shocked routine it was all very fun#anyway I do really love the sustained vowel sounds. love love love to hold and warble a little on an O#this one and 'Lonely for You Only' by Midland and /especially/ 'Drinkin Me Lonely' by Chris Young which does have a real awooo in it#so satisfying
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i wanna talk about how... i had my last class today and we presented our final projects and everyone was so nice about my song and my teachers gave me 18 out 20 and i was surprised because even tho they literally mentioned that they think art should not be graded simply because it's subjective and all, i don't think i've ever had a grade this high on really anything ever? so i really felt very proud of myself on that moment but LATER ON... they asked us individually what we thought of this course and funny enough... i was the last one to talk about my experience and i said that i felt very fulfilled because i never did collaborative work with people before and i learned so much from my classmates! ever since the first day i felt so welcome and since i'm an introvert it's very hard for me to feel comfortable with a group of people immediately and so i was very grateful for that and as i got to talk with all of them individually about music i always felt like i was on the right track and this is honestly what i wanna do because in the end, this career with bring me a connection with people that i never really had until now with any of my friendships and so i'm very grateful but other than that... i also said that if they wanted to reach out to me and collab and do music with me i would always be available and honestly i don't even know how i could be that straightforward it was a first for me i was like wow i really did that??? and they agreed and it made me so happy and especially because i wanna keep being friends with these people like i was on the way there and i thought that i didn't want to not want to see them again after today and hopefully we would keep in touch for anything and we keep being in community hopefully so yeah... i never thought i would feel comfortable to even ask people to keep in touch and actually mean it and hopefully that our friendship will grow over time
#this is long but it's mostly for me#because it's been hours since i've been home#and i even told my parents all of this#but there hasn't been a day that i didn't come from class every week#that i wasn't excited about something so excited that i posted abt it here#or told my parents about it#i remember there was a time i talked a bit about all of my classmates to my mom#THAT'S HOW MUCH I LOVED THIS CLASS AND THIS PEOPLE#i don't think i've ever felt this way#so much so that i'm sharing on tumblr 😭#i feel like getting into my 20s things can get lonely#and i've been friendless since like i was 18#and so this is the first time in forever i feel hopeful about friendships#and the fact that it might happen because of music#is even better#because that always brings me solace is also#bringing me friendship after so long so it's great#i'm also hopeful for the future literally yesterday i was kinda anxious#bc idk what will happen from now i'll be looking for a job#and for gigs here and there#but i don't feel anxious anymore after today i'm excited#there are a lot of possibilities and it's great 🥹#so yeah very exciting eheh#tris.txt
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I miss my best friend
#sometimes i remember how little the people i consider friends actually give a shit if im there or not once they don't need me#and it gets so fucking lonely#i want her to hold me and never let me go so i can't pretend no one else matters#*can#vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com#liveblogging.pdf
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