#i don't personally have a Hot Take on like... the whole aspect of people creating gory content for cccc

[sainteclectic]

the thing that's vital to understand about cccc is that they have reasons for what they do. but also, and this is important, they all kinda suck

mind is doing what he believes is best for them. he wants to be the perfect solution to every problem. he's also arrogant and incredibly petty, gloating and bitching every chance he gets about how much better he is than heart. he pretends his own feelings are just logical conclusions, while also devaluing other people's feelings. he sucks!

heart was never listened to by mind. he knows he's "weak and vile" but believes (rightfully!) that emotions are needed to survive. he also literally shot someone, refuses to admit that literally shooting someone is bad, and stubbornly both complains he's not listened to and never listens to anyone else. he sucks!

soul is exhausted. he's gone through this countless times, enduring the same arguments over and over. he just wants it to stop. so, he exerts as much power as he can over the two of them and threatens their lives. he's simultaneously both the most in control (of the three) and powerless (in the narrative), and he tries to control the other two for his own ends (even if those ends are ultimately good for them all). he sucks!

the story of cccc is ultimately about guys who kinda fucking sucks for their own reasons. the story is about the raw, unsanitized experience of mental illness. of course they're all deeply fucked up! removing their flaws is just re-sanitizing the purposeful mess that is the album and its characters

[viperwhispered]

I don't know about you, but I find shared baths deeply intimate. Mostly cause first you have to be very comfortable with the person you're bathing with and there's an intense feeling of safety that you boundaries will be respected.

Apply this to Jamil who is arguably the most paranoid man in all of TWST. Imagine he and his s/o are getting serious and Jamil is finally starting to really open up. It's also the stage where things are getting steamier, so to speak.

As both a sign of trust and a way to get used to each others naked bodies, the couple starts bathing together. The physical vulnerability of it since their both nude is further amplified since they have to wash/touch each other. That in itself requires a lot of trust.

Just imagine this: gently applying shampoo into Jamil's silky hair while he rants about his day, slowly revealing more about his past and insecurities. Then they switch and now the reader is the one opening up about their struggles while Jamil massages the soap onto their back. Kissing any scars they might have, talking about the most random things, playing with the water, and just enjoying this moment between Jamil and his beloved. Jamil is just so busy that he relishes being able to just enjoy their presence close to him.

There's also a strong desexualizing element. Jamil and the reader likely grew up with a notion that nudity is embarrassing and should only happen with a sexual partner. While this statement is technically true, they aren't in a sexual situation. They're trusting each other to respect their boundaries in such a way that the way they view each other goes from "potential sex object" to "a body that so happens to belong to my dearest".

Which further adds to my hot take of the "If evil why hot" route with OB!Jamil being pre-relationship.

Also, fun concept: washing away blot.

Imagine they're at the very end of the overblot Jamil boss fight. The phantom is defeated but there's still some blot left. So the reader pushes him into the river created by Kalim and holds him there as the water washes away the blot. When he starts calming down, they gently start rubing the blot off. Slowly trekking their fingers through his hair as the snakes dissappear. By the end they're left with an exhausted sulky wet Jamil. The reader then kisses his forehead as they wrap a towel around him.

Aww there definitely is a lot of potential for sweetness with stuff like this. I mean, having someone wash your hair, cleaning up together… It really can feel so intimate and vulnerable.

Now, I feel like I should add the caveat that I'm Finnish, so I'm fairly used to seeing other people's bodies in the sauna, for example, and the whole concept of nudity = sex is not quite so strong for me, personally. (Though personally I'm not likely to go to a mixed sauna, especially with strangers, but still.) So my perspective for the nudity aspect may be a little bit different, though I do definitely agree with these scenarios being intimate and potentially vulnerable. Like, you really do need to let your guard down to let someone see you bared like that, no hiding behind your clothes (or status) or anything else. Just, people, together.

Which definitely ties into that whole opening up for each other. We always tend to say that people are equal in the sauna, and it (perhaps surprisingly) is a good place for those deep, intimate conversations. So I can definitely see that same vibe for this bathing together, too.

Also just, the thought of squeezing into the tub together, trying to figure out how to adjust everyone's limbs and bodies so that you're both comfortable in there (and covered by water enough to actually get to enjoy it). One of you wrapping your arms around the other, holding them close, it's just… So sweet, and intimate, and also you kind of have to be “normal” about it to make it work (I don't really have the words for these vibes, just, yes it's intimate and vulnerable but at the same time you kinda just have to treat it as a normal thing if it's gonna work).

Just eugh I love this concept so much.

(Also now I'm definitely wondering how the twst guys would feel about sauna, perhaps even with the whole “run off naked to the lake to cool off a bit and then go enjoy some more heat” extra shebang.)

Oof that washing off blot, though… Oh it's going straight for my heart 😭 Just the whole I'm still here for you, I'm here taking care of you, let's wash away what happened (both literally and figuratively). Oh boy what a concept ripe for being picked apart.

(Also for some reason it's making me think of like washing off bodies for funerals, but in this particular case more in the sense of washing off the old self / what happened, something to allow rebirth or something. Or like, this could've destroyed him, but didn't. Idk, there's just so much one could do with this. Maybe it's just the talk of being washed in a river specifically that's making me think of like Lemminkäinen’s mother and all sorts of stuff.)

[techramonic]

is it just me, or has the tcc just seen an influx of people not actually interested in true crime as a whole? Maybe. It just seems like everyone on tiktok is drawing any mass shooter in a moe artstyle and talking about 4chan without bothering to research anything about these people/cases, and have surface level knowledge of it. but I digress. I'm trying not to be a stickler about tcc, (cause I'm not even in it anymore!!!), but these people act exactly the same, and aren't really interesting. Not that you have to be, but please have like, an ounce of originality and don't change yourself to be like every other person in every other aspect just cause it's popular.

yea, i get it. i've only met a few ppl on here who actually do their research. some talk to me in the dms, others post abt it and have good takes or post abt the info of the case in general, and some re-share informative posts. really insightful. i've been in the community for abt two years now and only joined the tumblr side this year, and i've never seen ppl talk abt the perpetrators in such a detailed and grotesque suggestive/romanticised way until now. it's concerning. honestly, i'm also tired of seeing ppl get interested abt a case just bc the criminal is "attractive". it makes me repulsed bc if you don't focus on them as a whole or at least research to try to understand them, it's likely you're just attracted to the idealized thought you have of them. that's not them but a one-dimensional image you created to suffice you, because if you really did your research, you'll know just how insufferable and mentally disturbed they are, which is more tragic than anything else. i've made written several posts abt it too. like my hot take here. crazy

[low-budget-korra]

My comments on The Substance

- Okay, first of all , I've seen a lot of comments and some reactions and people are really forgetting that Elisabeth and Sue are the same, they are one. And their hatred and disregard for each other is the hate and disregard they had towards themselves.

-Ive saw Coralie Fargeat first movie (Revenge) so I knew what to expect here. But with The Substance it happened something that happens when movies like this go mainstream, people simply don't get it.

Like, people are saying the ending was trash and "too much", complaining about Monstro Elisasue and all the blood...in a BODY HORROR MOVIE.

It's like watch a romcom and complain about the aspects that makes a movie be considered as a romcom

-Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley are incredible in this. If the academy didn't discriminate horror movies, they (especially Demi) would get their Oscar nominations.

-In Brazilian Twitter, there's this whole discussion about Sue's body being unreal, which I think is really funny cuz it def isn't. But Coralie filmed Sue's body as if she was filming a commercial, Sue's body is seen as a product rather than a person. And that creates some unreal feeling, like, you're watching a robot or something since she is so dehumanized.

And it's brilliant since we all sadly know that's how society sees women. Especially the straight and bissexual ones, cuz they are mostly the ones that still seek male validation since they are attracted to them. And the patriarchy is the major reason behind things such as sexism

No wonder why this year had at least 4 big horror movies that talked about issues such as unwanted pregnancies, violence against women and sexism.

(I haven't watched Smile 2 yet so I dunno.)

-Ive seen on Twitter people saying that if Elisabeth had gone to a lesbian bar, she wouldn't have taken the substance and I agree 😭

The amount of lesbians who would just fall at her feet ready to give her the world if she ask...

-The Elisabeth and Sue relationship also parallels some narcissistic and toxic mother/daughter relationship. When the daughter (Sue) is forced to follow her mom(Elisabeth) dreams, and becomes so good at it that the mom actually gets mad and envy about it. While the daughter becomes arrogant and mean because she is better than her mom

The "You got it from me" part when Elisabeth was yelling at Sue on TV gave me that vibe.

-When they are coexisting I think that for a second Sue weren't herself when she was beating up Elisabeth but also it's like after seeing herself like that and realized that Elisabeth was gonna rob her of the biggest moment of her career...she snapped.

It's like when you are hating on you for sabotaging yourself. And as Sue cried after murdering Elisabeth, it's like that moment when you realize what you did to yourself. Also like you can use drugs, drunk, hurt yourself because you hate yourself but at the end of the day there's this moment when you realize what you did and just feel regretted.

-Also, it's sad how nobody's cared for Elisabeth. She had no support system, no real friends, nothing. And this happens to a lot of women, especially women in the business. Like we get 30y actress playing fucking grandma's but we don't have much 60y playing roles that aren't just grandmas. While men can play wherever they want and in their 40-50y take roles that should be for 20y

-Why did Sue look so damn hot while smashing Elisabeth's face in the mirror? I mean c'mon. For me it was the hotter she looked the whole movie (I would let her smash my head in the mirror too and apologize for the inconvenience)

-Ive seen one person commenting that they miss the opportunity to have Elisabeth fucking Sue. Either as pure narcissistic self love or as hate fuck for what Sue was doing to her. And I think it's a matter of time until some horny crazy person to write something like this is ao3 😭

[lord-aldhelm]

Aldhelm Character Analysis (and why I love him so much)

The following is a character study and my own opinions. I meant to post something like this several months ago when I started this blog, but I had so much other stuff going on I forgot about this in my drafts, so I am posting it now. I know there will be people who disagree with me, and others who maybe think I am being ridiculous or whatever, but I don't care. This is my blog and I want to share this because it is meaningful to me, and maybe perhaps it will resonate with someone. This is a kind of "about me" but mostly a rambling mess.

Aldhelm means so much to me, more than any other character in any other show or movie I have watched. I have fallen super hard for this man; he has bewitched me body and soul, and just imbedded himself into the core of my being. He is my muse, and has profoundly permeated every creative aspect of myself, from creating this blog, screencaps/edits, gifs, memes, artwork, poetry (don't ask), and fanfics. No one else has managed to do that to me. This show in general, and him specifically, have led me deep into this fandom and made me do things that I have never done before.

My attraction to him goes far beyond just him being a pretty face; my feelings for him are complex and multi-faceted. Of course I think he is exceptionally handsome, and I find everything about him attractive. But I was attracted to his personality long before I was attracted to him physically. The two go hand in hand, and it takes more than just being a hot dude to hold my attention. This show is loaded to the brim with attractive people and yet he is the only one that has captivated me.

I love him for so many reasons. To me he is absolute perfection and I would not change a single thing about his character. He is introverted, quiet, soft-spoken, and dignified. He is highly intelligent, has a calm confident demeanor, and has a great fortitude for dealing with difficult situations. He is elegant and refined, despite sometimes coming off as awkward. I love his quick wit and dry sarcastic sense of humor. I melt whenever he rolls his eyes or sighs with exasperation. He is so pure and wholesome, and loves with his whole entire being. His selfless and unwavering devotion and loyalty to both Mercia and Aethelflaed are unmatched. He sets aside his own needs and desires to serve others, ultimately to his detriment. (He deserved better in so many ways) He has many personality traits that are normally only seen in women characters, while still being very much masculine, and I find that dichotomy incredibly appealing.

Additionally, something about him triggers my nurturing instinct; I want to hold him in my arms and cuddle him for all eternity. He is so unbelievably sweet and gentle, and the way he was so soft around Aethelflaed just melted my heart. In fact. he embodies my idea of a perfect romantic partner. He is so calm, patient, understanding, eager to help out, very devoted and loyal, cares more about his partner's happiness than his own. I feel as a boyfriend or husband he would be very attentive and in tune to his partner's needs. Never arguing, or trying to avoid it as much as possible. Never raising his voice. He would go out of his way to do nice things for them just to make them happy. Acts of service, gift giving, quality time, and humor are his love languages.

But more than that, I see in him a reflection of myself, that I have not seen in any other character or real-life person, ever.

His quiet, contemplative, introverted nature, and preference for solitude matches my own. He is very Byronic/Jane Austen coded, with that brooding moody energy. Like me, he is the kind of person who dislikes bars, parties, or large gatherings of people, and prefers to keep to himself. He comes off as cold and calculating, but inside he is anything but. He is overwhelmed with emotion and allows himself to love wholly and intensely, despite not having his feelings reciprocated. Despite doing his best to hide his feelings, he actually wears his heart on his sleeve and allows others to use him just for the sake of feeling needed. He allows himself to cry, although he does so in private, not because he is ashamed, but because he wants to appear strong for others. He is the kind of person that hides the deeper parts of himself well from others, but I know that if you really got to bond with him, he would show you another side of himself, one that smiles freely and loves openly, laughs and jokes, and allows himself to be comfortable in the presence of others.

He appears to me to be demi/ace coded. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but seeing ace representation on the screen is incredibly rare and refreshing. Especially since his sexuality, or lack thereof, is never really brought up or ridiculed by the other characters (as ace-presenting people so often are in media). As someone who is demi/ace myself, I find his characterization in this way very comforting, especially since I have been ridiculed and downcast over my asexuality. I also find it delightful to see a male character who is not constantly talking about getting laid, making sex jokes, or aggressively pursuing or objectifying women. Much the opposite; he treats Aethelflaed with a level of respect and admiration that women are not often given by men. In fact he treats women in general with a lot of respect.

I feel his pain when he is ignored or his words are brushed off by others time and time again. As someone who has felt simultaneously invisible and freakishly "other" her whole life, I can identify with that strongly. I am always the one who others talk over or ignore in social settings. I have always felt like an outcast, even among my friends and peers. I never feel like I truly belong anywhere or with anyone, and have always felt like an outsider, just drifting along the perimeters of multiple social circles without ever fitting in. It is such a horrible feeling, and I empathize with him when I see him go through the exact same treatment.

I also feel his sense of uniqueness in that, like me, he is neither a leader nor a follower, but marches to the beat of his own drum. He had no desire to be Lord of Mercia even when it was offered to him (which I personally think was a mistake on his part). But I get it; I hate being in charge. I prefer to work behind the scenes and stay out of the spotlight myself. But while I am not a leader, neither am I a follower. I am always doing my own thing regardless of trendiness or popularity.

The biggest difference between him and I is that he is far more patient than I could ever be! He is much more level headed, whereas I tend to be more emotional and have a kind of firecracker reaction, especially when I am in an argument or when something upsets me. I think I would be a better person if I could learn to remain calm and collected during emotionally stressful times.

So, this is much more than me thinking the dude is super hot. And it also goes so far beyond me just thinking he is a cool and interesting character (which he is no doubt). He has actually become a permanent part of me, one that will not be replaced by the next hot thing to cross my screen. Even if I run out of things to post here (which will happen at some point), he will still occupy my thoughts, and I will still be drawing him, and writing for his character for a very long time to come.

[whywoulditho]

i was doing a rewatch of nickelodeon's victorious and there's about twenty thousand things wrong with that show but one thing that really struck me was the character of jade and how she's the shallowest representation of an 'alt girl'. and this is definitely an issue that mainstream media is still suffering from but it's like at that time they had absolutely no idea how to write a goth girl. i can assure you it is so much worse than you remember.

i don't think they were going for a specific subculture when they picked out her outfits, they kind of just threw a bunch of styles together to create 'some sort of an alt girl'. her outfits looked like a softer/more casual version of trad goth, i think. since she would be wearing them to school or in her daily life i think the outfits were fine. but they failed with her personality SO BAD.

because tell me why this "goth girl" was a loud transphobe and a misogynist. this girl insulted other people's looks, their weight, their outfits ALL THE TIME. she made fun of "manly looking girls" and i know robbie possibly being a trans boy was a laughing stock for the whole show but it was still so weird seeing jade, with her red doc martens and fishnet stockings and a hairdye that would send conservatives into the grave even today, make jokes about it.

i get that this show is from 2013 and on nickelodeon so they couldn't be *gasp* queer allies BUT even for that time, her being misogynistic is fucking ridiculous... she would call girls ugly back and forth, she would make everyone feel bad about everything about themselves for fun. that wasn't something tori or cat or even trina would do, only jade because she was "an angry person". not to mention they painted her to be this dangerous, violent person that would threaten to harm people if they so much as looked at her wrong.

and the thing is, gothics are angry people. but their anger is towards inequality, patriarchy, fast fashion/consumerism, corrupt governments. hollywood looks at these kind of subcultures in the most surface level way possible, they focus on the part that they're angry people, and never stop to ask what they're angry about.

and this is NOT just lazy writing. because if you want to depoliticize the youth you start by making up rumors about the politicized youth. you push this literal propaganda in mainstream media until the vast majority of your country is convinced that hippies are junkies, punks are violent, goths are scary. alt people are weird and angry and dangerous. you make jokes about it, you use their names like an insult, and if you do it well and for long enough, no one will take them seriously anymore. no one will stop to ask alt people what they believe in and what they stand against. they'll just see them as soft kids looking for attention.

so we end up with characters like jade west, who could only have two effects on society, both of them in favor of a corrupt government looking to depoliticize people. 1) she would make goth/alt people seem too angry and violent so parents would be cautious of them and never take them seriously, 2) she would take all the political and philosophical aspects out of this subculture so the next generation of girls would just buy goth clothes from hot topic and never understand what the subculture actually stands for.

[highfantasy-soul]

NATLA - Episode 3: Omashu (3/3)

[Masterlist of my NATLA thoughts]

An explanation of what I'm doing here and my history with ATLA.

Of course, full spoilers ahead.

<previous/next>

Katara is drawn to Jet as she sees her own rage, loss, and desire to fight reflected in him. In the animated version, Jet shows up to save the Gaang after they stumbled into a fire nation campsite and Katara immediately falls for him but it's not super clear why other than 'he's hot and beat up firebenders'. In the live-action, we meet Jet walking into Omashu and he helps the group with no ulterior motive - setting up his character as someone who truly cares about people struggling in the war and is willing to go out of his way to help. He only reveals he's a freedom fighter when Katara sees Sai trading info with a fire nation spy - so they both are sharing a secret about the enemy rather than an obvious connection of 'yeah, everyone can see the fire nation soldiers would be bad' connection like in the animated show. The live-action adds nuance and secrecy, and not letting Sokka in on seeing that secret adds to the conflict between him and Katara later on - they both have negative info on the person the other has attached themselves to in Omashu. I like how Sokka didn't 'immediately clock' Jet as a bad guy in the live-action or at least, didn't immediately get super jealous of him. Yes, their relationship starts out rocky with him annoyed Jet is taking the lead talking to the guards and flirting with his sister, but he doesn't have the heightened 'I don't like this guy because he's succeeding fighting the fire nation in a way different from me' that he has in the animated version.

It's funny to me seeing people complain that live-action Katara got a lot of agency taken away while saying nothing about how in the animated version, Katara immediately turns submissive to Jet and they have their whole flirtation and Katara defends him to the ends of the earth. I don't have a problem with the animated way the story was told, but it's funny to see people complaining about the live-action when the same issues (or more pronounced) are in the animated version. In the animated version, I didn't see Katara's connection with Jet being that he shared her anger and desire to fight the fire nation, it came off as 'he's hot and charismatic therefore everything he does must be right'. In the live-action, we see how Katara's fire and rage at the fire nation is reflected in him and that's what she's drawn to - yes he's hot and charismatic, but it's more clear that she identifies with every aspect of him: he's fighting back (something she's always wanted to do) and he's created a community to help those harmed by the fire nation. Having Jet help her through a waterbending block by remembering the good aspects of her mother added so much more depth than him just complementing Katara's skills and her deciding to blindly follow him. Instead of just 'Katara, you can do this' he actually gave her good advice - making her defense of him much more believable.

Animated Jet is cartoonishly evil, kicking old men, lying about him being an assassin, kidnapping Sokka, flooding a whole town, and tricking Katara and Aang into helping him kill the village - live-action Jet is much more believable and nuanced which I think is a really good choice. We see that he's "right" (ie, he IS rooting out spies and ineffectual leaders who have led to the fire nation operating with impunity in the city) it's only his methods that are wrong.

While it's good to see Sokka caring about someone just because in him defending the old man Jet was harassing, I think it adds a bunch of depth that the person Jet is attacking in the live-action is the person Sokka connected to - plus, the fact that he actually is a fire nation spy. The animated Jet is painted as 'look at this obviously bad guy going way too far' while the live-action makes him much more nuanced and less clearly 'bad'. Yes, he's willing to sacrifice some innocent lives for the cause, but it's not like he's just making information up to get people on his side or trying to kill an entire village. He's still 'wrong' to be willing to sacrifice Teo's life and the lives of people who aren't responsible for the state of the city, but it's not cartoon levels of misguided. In the animated show, he just attacks and bullies an old man just wandering around - in the live-action, he's actually going after spies causing real harm in Omashu - he's not a caricature of a rebel fighter, he's a real person who's mostly doing the right thing.

This actually mirrors and combines the lessons Katara and Sokka learn in The Great Divide - they each side with the group that's more like them and both don't want to believe that the side they identify with could be wrong. But instead of 'these people are clean, organized, and educated, therefore I like them' for Katara, she sees her desire for justice, change, and community reflected in Jet. Instead of 'these people like to eat, are ok being messy, and are more war-like so I like them' for Sokka, he sees his desire for more than just being a warrior, for him to contribute with his ingenuity and creation as well reflected in the Mechanist.

Sokka being drawn to The Mechanist as he sees his own ingenuity and curiosity - rather than strict 'warrior' expectations reflected in him. I like that he's directly responsible for completing the designs for the airship that ends up in the hands of the fire nation, not because they stole the wrecked ship, but because he trusted the Mechanist and helped him before realizing he was purposely giving the designs to the fire nation. It adds just that small bit of direct connection/lesson for Sokka. I also like the very clear parallels between the Mechanist and Jet - in the animated episode, the Mechanist is found out and there's no question, the jig is up immediately. I like how they handled his duplicity like they did Jet in the animated series - one of the siblings knows the truth but the other won't hear it. The Mechanist is also able to give Sokka some great advice to change his world-view while in the animated version, they just both fall in together naturally with no real character building dialogue to solidify that. The animated show does a lot of that sort of dialogue so I'm not sure why they didn’t make a point of it in this episode, but I guess in the animated version, the focus was on Aang and all the 'lessons dialogue' we got was Aang learning that it was ok that the Mechanist was changing the Air Temple. I like that Sokka gets a good character moment in the live-action and we get to see his nuanced arc with gender roles explored.

Because of this reassurance by the Mechanist, we now start to get Sokka stretching out his skill set and starting to come up with mad, slap-dash plans to achieve their goals. While that was always present in the animated show, I like that it took Sokka getting some confidence and growing as a character to start embracing that side of him. And what a first plan it was: riding those crates to the top of the mountain.

And finally, Aang's role in this episode: I adore the fight between him and Zuko. This is the first time in live-action that we've seen them go head to head and I'm glad they waited for it to be a *moment*. The fight was so stylized and classic - demonstrating Zuko's martial skills without bending and the differences in their fighting styles. The different sets and props used were such a nice touch and you can tell so much care was put into that fight.

Some specific things that were incredible there: Zuko's skill with the bowstaff, him screaming "YOU READ MY DIARY!!!!!" sorry, sorry "YOU HAVE MY NOTEBOOK!!!", the auntie beating him with a brush for daring to hit a child!!! How dare he!!, THE CABBAGE MERCHANT, and Aang constantly trying to stop the fight like 'bro, chill tf out!"

Aang's lesson is really delved into in the next episode and I like the 2 episode arc structure they move to so that the themes and lessons can breathe. Again, in episodic, 20 minute animated episodes, you follow a singular plotline and it's resolved within that 20 minutes, but all 20 of those minutes are devoted to that one plot - when you only have 8 episodes, that 20 minutes per plot is split up and woven together with other plots rather than seeing the singular story in one chunk. It's just a different structure (that fits better with the serialized, binge structure) of 8 hour long episodes.

I think people got so used to seeing ATLA in bite-sized chunks where the focus is super narrow and issues are solved immediately, their brain had trouble shifting gears to be open to a different structure for telling the story.

Anyways, there's my analysis for episode 3 - it was the episode where I became fully invested in this telling of the story and couldn't wait to turn on the next one.

[seriouslysam8]

thank you for another amazing chapter. we all appreciate you and your writing so much, and we’re so lucky you take the time out of your day to create something so great.

i started reading this for hinny and i’m hooked because of blackinnon, idk how you did it but you’ve made me a fan of a ship i hadn’t even given much thought to before.

but this chapter!! i feel like sirius does respect tegan and obviously feels warmly towards her, and like he said she’s the perfect woman, but not for him. and he’s staying with her out of a mix of needing a sense of comfort, guilt because his hearts not really in it, but also maybe as a barrier between him and marlene. because he wouldn’t be able to justify not being with marlene if tegan wasn’t in the picture, and like you delved into in the chapter he’s scared to be with her because he cares about her. and that shows to me that marlene is the one for him because he doesn’t feel that way with tegan (at least not to the same extent). also the whole part where was thinking about how marlene is the person he wants to share all the parts of his life with had my whole heart because in my mind that’s one of the most important things to have in a relationship. someone who you not only trust to tell stuff to but also want to.

but ahhh the way you described it all was amazing. as a blackinnon fan (bc of you) i adored this chapter but also i cant wait for hot girl christmas not only bc of jealous sirius but honestly marlene deserves to have her own fun too.

and the scene at the end with cepheus and harry and sirius was so domestic and sweet i loved it

You know, when I started writing Brumous, I very much wanted it to be primarily a Hinny story. It still is. There's still a lot of Hinny. But I'm a thirty-something year old lady so I gravitate and find writing adults way easier than I do teenagers nowadays. So I find myself gravitating to more Sirius POVs and more Sirius centric storylines. The more I wrote Sirius' little love triangle, the more I just loved it.

Anyway, I'm really glad people are enjoying the Blackinnon aspect of the story and I've converted some people to ship them. I find giving Harry two loving godparents just makes me happy because I want that cute little cabbage to be happy, you know?

I'm not going to lie, I have the itch to write more Blackinnon centered stories and/or one-shots in the universe but I don't have any ideas right now.

[nyaoi-warrior]

Hello I have a dnd hot take.

Oathbreakers suck ass

Now allow me to explain myself

First of all, I just want to say that I am huge fan of the Paladin class, it’s literally my favourite class in the game and the class I play the most and find the most fun in. I also want to say that I personally am not playing with alignments. And lastly I just want to add that this is just my opinion.

Now. Oathbreaker time.

I don't like it.

I think it was created as a dnd dm rule and it shows.

First of all, I don't like the whole "turn evil" aspect of breaking your oath. Sure, you are breaking something sacred to you, but that doesn't have to be for selfish reasons, honestly, could be quite the opposite. For example, I think that Oath of the Crown could be the easiest to Oathbreak from. Let's say your character finds out that they have been serving a cruel empire this whole time, that the country's ideals do not match their own, that the leader doesn't care for their people as much as they thought. I think that's valid reason to break said oath, without necessarily being evil.

My second point is that I think that Oathbreakers work much better as enemies than players. Paladins often have abilities that buff your allies (auras my beloved) and Oathbreaker lacks that, instead buffing fiends and undead. And yes that does work as an enemy perfectly, but I feel like it doesn't as well in a party setting, unless someone also has a necromancer.

I think that Oath of Conquest is what Oathbreaker should have been. Like it's not perfect solution, but I feel like it works more. Because if you do want to play the intimidating and maybe evil guy that's like the whole premise od this subclass. You are scary, you hit hard and make people afraid of you. You could also argue that you are just simply powered by spite, betrayed by what you believed was right and fought for.

That's all. I just personaly do not like Oathbreaker and feel like it could be done better and I think Oath of Conquest is kinda proof of that. In the end of the day it's just a game and we are all silly nerds and I don't get to dictate how you run your games and I can homebrew my games however I want. I just think this is something to think about.

[fish-bowl-2]

okay lmao you don't have to answer them all but im interested in your hot takes when you have time

7, 8, 9, 13, 16, 19, 21, 22, 24

😁 we need something to talk about in this micro fandom

Oh boy oh boy...

7. What character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because of how the fandom acts about them? Honestly, a bit of a hard one for me to answer because I don't really have one. I mean, there are always going to be fandom interpretations I am not into, but even so I don't really let that influence how I feel about the actual characters. A lot of those fandom interpretations don't seem to be the overwhelming majority anymore either. I feel that if I was invested in the EEnE fandom back in 2013-2014 I would absolutely be tired of Kevin, but that isn't really the case anymore. As far as I can see lol.

8. Common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about? That all the Kanker sisters (excluding May) are irredeemable and will never break out of whatever cycle they are present to at home. I mean, I'm not asking for any neatly packaged happy ending when I say that, but idk, despite my issues with their lack of development and presentation on the show, I think they are really interesting. If you want to get deep, they are just kids after all, with a lot of room for change in their life going forward. I like to think that they ALL go onto better things. Better can be open to interpretation. I do not mean any kind of stereotypical college degree manicured lawn and job type stuff. Satisfaction can look like a multitude of things. A lot of people apply this to May, which is great! But does that have to mean pushing aside Marie and Lee in the process? I personally don't think that is very fair.

9. Worst part of canon? Harassment when it is girls towards boys = funny : / Also, this is more of a fandom thing, but there are so many youtube videos where ppl are titling them stuff like "Kanker sisters RAPE Eds" like wow so edgy and funny guys how about we keep this in 2009?

13. Worst blorbofication? Absolutely Edd. No argument. I don't think that this is an unpopular sentiment nowadays either. It has been discussed to earth and back at this point.

16. You can't understand why so many people like this thing: - That in high school/college Edd will make a complete 360 change in personality and become a complete bad-boy shadow the hedgehog recolor. Granted, I do think that Edd will grow to tone down his anxiety over following rules, BUT to completely change is out of the question. This is still Edd we're talking about. Rebelling for him would be something like jaywalking or wearing shoes inside someone's house he doesn't like. It nags me a bit when people completely ignore the defined quirks and personality of a character in favor of creating a whole new oc. You can of course be inspired by a character you like to create your own, but how about present them as that? - That Edd will start to drift away from Eddy and Ed as he grows older, or the other way around and Eddy and/or Ed drift away from Edd. I don't get how this head-canon keeps popping up. The WHOLE point of the show is their friendship and that they are blood brothers and meant for each other!!! This goes beyond their diverging interests and personalities!! The actual show proved this with the movie!! "But lots of people don't stay friends with the people they knew from childhood" umm and lots of people do? I am still closest with my middle school friends then any other people I've met in adulthood. My dad doesn't talk to anyone from university but still meets up with his childhood friends. And even so, I just don't understand the appeal. Their friendship kind of IS the whole show, and doing away with that ultimately defeats the purpose for me. I find it a lot more interesting to delve into aspects like how they would uphold these connections and friendships into adulthood, when work and responsibilities makes it a lot harder to get together regularly.

19. You're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like... Ngl I can't help feeling kind of shy about being super invested in a slapstick cartoon that came out nearly three decades ago. Even when I am talking to other cartoon/animation fans, I feel a bit silly about wanting to analyze their dynamics and traits when most people casually just remember the show as fun slapstick (of course it is but I also wanna get insane about it without being seen as MysteriousMrEnter or smth lmao).

21. Part of canon you think is overhyped? "What is under Double Dee's hat, guys?" "Why have they never confirmed what is under there?" "Any one else disappointed that they never showed Edd without his hat?" Umm idc lol

22. Your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores? - Probably the connection between Ed and Double Dee. I think it is really cute. I love how so many episodes kind of have them hanging out together. I don't think people acknowledge enough how their dynamic works. It is very Autism 2 Autism, like Edd gets to kind of info-dump about whatever to Ed, and even if Ed has no clue what he is talking about, he still enjoys the company and has fun in listening and partaking in whatever Edd is invested in. - I always really dig how Nazz is depicted kind of "cool" and "sporty". Idk it could have been very easy to make her just any kind of popular girl trope, but she kind of holds her own (even if she is super underdeveloped compared to the other characters). I think it makes her friendship with Kevin interesting. - On that note, I also really like Kevin and Rolf's dynamics in their friendship. I do actually see people discuss this a bunch, but I felt like I had to mention it. I really like how the typical American Apple Pie jock is besties with the foreigner with odd customs and both are kind of at an equal footing to each other. - Sarah is insanely strong, like almost on the same level as Ed. What is in that family's genes??

24. Topic that brings up the most rancid discourse? Shipping, probably. (When is it not shipping).

[whatwewrotepodcast]

WIP Questionaire Tag Game

Thanks @jackiezenauthor for the tag!

On a bit of a The Second Coming run so I'll use that for this.

What was the first part of your wip that you created?

The first chapter? Haha so this is probably the 4th or 5th time we've re-written/re-done this story. The first version was about 120 hand written pages long, spewed out over a few weeks in high school. We then re-wrote the whole thing, it wound up being 150k+ words so we decided to turn it into a trilogy, and that's where we're at. But we very much started at the beginning, with chapter

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

Bleeding out by Imagine Dragons. ID is pretty much the soundtrack for this story, and was the main music we listened to while we wrote it and so they're always indelibly tied together in my mind. But this song sort of sums up the vibe really well to me.

3. Who are your favorite characters you've made? Why?

Belial is definitely a fan favourite for us. He was never really meant to be a main character - he was a side character! He was just an NPC! But somehow he ended up becoming vital to the story and then the next thing you know he's a POV character. Belial is such a great character because he's so complex. He's a good person! Kind of! But he isn't afraid to do what needs to be done and if that means doing things that aren't so savoury, he's willing to do that. He's loyal to those he thinks are deserving, he's brave when he thinks it'll make a difference. He's also extremely hot.

4. What other pieces of media do you think would share a fanbase for your story?

Hmmm interesting. I mean, I don't love the comparison but fans of Cassandra Clare would probably enjoy TSC because it does have similar feels and themes. Potentially also Laini Taylor? Anyone who likes modern fantasy? Maybe Good Omens fans too, though we're not nearly as funny haha.

5. What has been your biggest struggle while writing?

Oh my god the editing. Honestly we are in editing hell right now and it's just excruciating. It's so disheartening to have to throw big chunks of writing in the bin and have to write the scene again because it wasn't quite right.

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

There aren't really, which is kinda weird because we're both huge animal lovers.

7. How do your characters get around?(ex: trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

Mostly in Merry's beat up old Kia.

8. What part of your wip are you working on?

Currently doing editing/rewrites on Anarchy, book two of the trilogy, a rough draft of which we spat out during a writing holiday back in 2020 and haven't had time to get back to.

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe?) of your wip do you think will draw people in?

We definitely have a couple of good ships, lots of action and great fight scenes, but I think (hope?) the characters are what people will enjoy. We want people to love our characters, to want to know more about them, to spend more time with them.

10. What are your hopes for your wip?

Honestly, publication with this one! We really think it has the chops to go the distance, we just need to find someone willing to take a chance on us. Or, for our podcast to get popular enough that we have a chance to self pub. Whatever works!

Tagging @illarian-rambling @cssnder and @xenascribbles

[chattegeorgiana]

Why do you think Karin isn't popular as Sakura and SasuSaku? Maybe becayse she was introduced too late in the story and her horny personality ruined her?NS/SK route could be a reality. But Karin lack of popularity and appeal killed SK!! So Sakura was the best option to Sasuke.

You know what this whole thing boils down to imo? Hypocrisy & too much self-inserting.

The same people that try to take the moral high ground with Karin's inner side that shows she has the hots for her are the same people who will act THE SAME WAY she does on the internet, screaming how hot Sasuke is, ho they'd do a thing or two to him and yadda yadda.

But because that's a dark side of them - same way it was with Karin, and people don't like to admit they also have a dark side to them, they reject that, and embrace Sakura, because they self-insert with that light aspect of Sakura's.

But I also said hypocrisy right? So where does this whole thing fits into? Right there, in the self-insert process. Why?

Because canonically, Sakura's also been shown to have the hots for Sasuke AND be a just as much as a pervect as Karin is.

Who do you think Naruto created A WHOLE HAREM transformation jutsu for huh? She even says when Naruto "hits" Kaguya with it that "it might work on her". It's not hard to put two and two together.

She's been shown to be just as interested in peeping on Sasuke (back in pt 1), as Naruto was shown on peeping on her (in part 2).

It's part of this whole triangle thing.

The only SLIGHT difference is that Sakura's been holding that part of her as hidden as possible cuz she is more of a "control "control freak" - after all, she's a master of a jutsu that's the PINNACLE OF CONTROL, to the point she doesn't admit it much to herself cuz she supresses inner Sakura (dropped plot point), while Karin is real with herself and doesn't try to control anything. She just goes along with it and it's real to herself.

However, funnily enough, she does all that pervertness stuff IN HER MIND, where we as a reader can observe her, so ofc we judge her for something that happens on the inside, as if it were to happen on the outside.

Because on the outside, as we've seen, she's more the seducing type, not the "imma jump on you and ravage you type", even if that's what she feels/thinks inside.

So I think that was/is the problem with Karin in this whole equation. Imo SS became a thing only as a byproduct of NH, although having more standing ground than NH in terms of development (even if it's more negative, at least there's mutuality between them, whereas NH barely has that).

But alas, it is what it is at the end of the day.

[j-a-nuary]

You know, there's these idols that very consistently get typecast in fanfic. So-and-so is the player, whose-it is the villain, chaboy is the cinnamon roll, etc.

Not to be too The Discourse™️ but thoughts are under the cut.

I'm not saying that's a necessarily bad thing. Our brains create shortcuts based on what we've seen so far, and if chaboy is typically the cinnamon roll when we read, then why not give them the part they seem to play so very well?

But brains creating shortcuts is just a reframing of the fact that we have unconscious prejudices. We, as creators, owe it to the real people we use as inspiration to think about why we've placed them in this box. I don't want to get too deep into it or point fingers, but I've got my personal theories about why we choose who we choose. That's not what I'm here to talk about in this post.

Closer to what I want to talk about in this post is this: Are we, the fic writers, causing harm by always putting whose-it in the roll of the shitty ex/overbearing boss/etc.?

Maybe.

Most rational people can tell the difference between characters and actors. Sure, Mr. Freeze is a dick, but Arnold Schwarzenegger didn't REALLY try to freeze an entire city (I don't think). But we hear stories from actors of people yelling at them for the things the character that they are best known for portraying did. I've read interviews where actors talk about being assaulted and spit on. There are non-rational people that consume media.

I don't know if this is also happening to idols. In fact, in my experience, I often see it go in the reverse direction. A particular idol isn't liked as well or is seen as being cold or rude. Therefore, they get cast in fics as the asshole.

I'm not writing this to say, "Please stop using (whoever) as a villain." Write what you want, write what makes you happy, write what the characters in your head force you to. I'm a writer. I get it.

Just, y'know, maybe take a second and spare a thought for why you chose that person for that role.

Things I figured out from thinking about this:

I tend to make my bias into kind of an asshole, or a somewhat minor character (I think it's a subconscious effort to manage my expectations).

I am indeed susceptible to the typecasting trends of a fandom. [Sorry San]

The character that gets laid and/or the relationship is usually played by an idol that I myself am not particularly attracted to. Not that they're not hot. I'm just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ about that aspect of them. (Exceptions: oneshots. Sometimes my brain just rebels.)

There's usually an idol in a group that gives me brother vibes, even though I've never had a real brother. That one usually is cast in a comforting yet detached character. No real surprises there.

Maknaes are typically sexless to me for a good long while. I think the only exceptions are like from my OG groups that I moved on from before I ever even started writing, and Changkyun.

If they're a known asshole in real life, they're an asshole in fic. [Side eyes Date Roulette]

I've seen some people over the years post smut the day of an idols 18th birthday, and it grosses me out every fucking time. This isn't necessarily related to what I was talking about above but seriously it creeps me out so much that I couldn't not mention it. I don't get it. I've never got it. Like I only managed to rewire my brain about Jungkook in like 2019 because I was still thinking of him as the 15 year old he was when he debuted. (This is turning into a whole other post at this point)

[copperbadge]

All right, I'm back, let's try to do this....

It would be incorrect to say I don't have the time or interest to investigate AI, but the culture war fandom is already fighting over AI is less of a concern to me than what's going to arise out of AI being used in more mainstream ways. Fandom is my community and it's tough to see it struggling and damaged by this, but it's also not necessarily going to be the way the wider human community experiences AI as we go forward.

My hot take is actually probably pretty lukewarm: I have yet to see a discussion of AI that manages to encompass all the disparate aspects of how AI is developed and used. It may exist, but if so it's not hitting my radar. I agree with some arguments being made about AI and I disagree with others, but I also suspect a lot of people are speaking of AI generated art -- and by art here I mean a broad category encompassing prose, visual arts, music, and other disciplines -- without knowing much about how it actually happens. Meanwhile, outside of fandom the discussion is heavily based in tech and social philosophy, and doesn't really address the artistic side at all. And I'm not capable of encompassing all of it either, so take all of this with a grain of salt.

A discussion of AI includes so many different areas that it's tough to get one's arms around the whole thing, but they're so intertwined that it's also tough to argue just one part. There's the issue of using artistic output to train the machine while using the machine to take away artists' livelihoods; the issue of illegal use of non-public-domain works to train AI engines; the issue of deepfake photography and film; the issue of why we tell stories and why we choose to experience them; the issue of whether a machine, if sufficiently "intelligent", should still be considered a machine, or if it has its own story to tell; the issue of how we understand what AI is, if a machine can ever be truly intelligent at all; the issue of entitlement surrounding the ability to create art; the issue of academic cheating using AI; the issue of AI altering the very way we play games, eventually including video games.

Meanwhile, for an example of the blinders that a lot of AI discourse is wearing, a significant majority of the people working to create artificial intelligence in America, like in a commercial sense, are doing so specifically because they're scared China will do it first. That's not a great reason to do anything and is not going to lead to, uh, measured results. (I had a citation for this but I can't find it now; googling "AI" and "China" does get you a lot of very alarmed reporting.)

Realistically, a lot of the debate can be boiled down to a single issue: economic exploitation. There are exceptions, but they're not usually better, like that one AI that solely exists to undress photos of women. Rape culture is not an improvement over exploitative capitalism.

Artists might still be angry, and would still be justified in that anger, if AI wasn't threatening their livelihood. But I think the threat and the rage would both be less if artists could simply exist and create without having to turn their creativity into a job. As a writer I'm not personally threatened by AI-generated prose (especially having seen what AI engines are calling prose) but I'm fortunate that I can afford not to be. I'm an established presence in fandom and I prefer my writing not to be my job, and I also like my job. I'm still concerned about AI's impact on art and culture, but I can afford to be complacent about its impact on me, personally. Most of the artists I know absolutely do not have that luxury.

I believe that universal basic income would solve probably 60% of the issues with AI. Socialized healthcare in America would probably solve like 20% on its own. When people have the security and space to be creative, when you can exist as a creative person without needing to monetize that creativity, the idea of industrialized creativity simply holds no water. If everyone could be creative at the level they wished to be, AI art of any kind would be an interesting thought experiment or a fad, or an entirely unremarkable hobby, nothing more.

For at least a year now, AI has been used by some writers outside of fandom. (Apologies for the hideous formatting of that article.) Particularly high-output indy romance novelists who have to produce a certain wordcount per month to be lucrative. For the people who use it in that way, it's sort of an economic relief; they're getting paid the same but doing perhaps 20, 25% less work, maybe even 50% less, which means they can either write more books and earn better money, or spend more time attending to, you know, life. But there are a number of axes on which that trades off: are they producing the same quality of story? Are they "cheating" and if so, who are they cheating of what? The readers who may not be aware of it? Fellow writers who can't compete? If we read enough machine-generated prose, does that shallow out our range of literary experience? Or does it deepen it because a random number generator, even a heavily weighted one, may sometimes act in extremely unusual ways and produce something weird and unique?

There is something really and truly fascinating about the idea of AI-written fiction, once you move past the current reality of it. There's rich soil for an exploration of what it means to be human and tell stories, how we connect to literature, how we understand tropes and story structure. I also think a lot about the Whitley Streiber book "Nature's End", in which an AI is a supporting character; at one point the protagonist says, "what would you look like if you had a face?" and the AI flashes him an image of the face they would choose.

That's super interesting! What happens if you ask an AI to write an autobiography? What happens if you ask them to write an unreliable narrator? What happens if you ask the AI to choose the story they wish to write? (So far: mostly low-quality prose or nonsense, but the questions are still interesting.) If you ask an art-generating engine to make a picture involving dogs, and it makes a funny picture of a remarkably doglike person with two dogs in his arms, is that bad art? Why, because it's not what the person was specifically asking for? Because it wasn't made by a human? Because it may have been the product of theft of art that was used to train it? Is it interesting because it came of unpredictability? Is it, even, possibly, good, because that's a cute picture of a dude who looks like his dogs? If the person doesn't tell you (and you can't tell) that it was AI generated, does it matter?

I'm not asking these questions rhetorically. I'm not stating it doesn't matter by asking whether it does. I'm saying these are real questions, and we don't have the luxury of truly examining them for answers. There's no space for that because the machines that are doing all this are generally trained on the dismembered parts of someone else's non-compensated work, and then the products are put into competition with traditionally-made art or prose or even business emails, which take longer and cost more. People lose money, and money means security. Sometimes money means staying alive. That's where it gets fucked up.

There are also the "Overemployed." This began with people working two jobs remotely during the pandemic; now some people work four or five jobs remotely using ChatGPT as an "assistant". It generates documents, writes their emails, creates their presentations. Which means that one person is now holding the jobs four other people can't. Which wouldn't be as much of an issue -- in fact it'd be kind of awesome in terms of cutting busywork out of our lives -- if a job wasn't an absolute requirement in order to survive. An AI could in theory do a lot of the tedious parts of one's job, and that would be nice, but not if it means one is unemployed in a society with tattered safety nets at best.

These machines are destabilizing real peoples' existences and not only does that cause a lot of anger and a whiplash reaction, but also...that has to come first. Human beings have to come before human progress, or we're all just living in a joyless Ayn Rand novel.

Even if you did have a machine that was trained on public-domain or fairly-compensated art (which would work, it's just the datasets it needs are so large that it's, wait for it, economically unfeasible, which is an entirely separate yet interlinked problem), then you would still not be able to seriously discuss those truly interesting questions as long as the machine threatens someone's livelihood. It's not wrong to say that we should be making AI to take over tedious and dangerous jobs so that we, humans, can do more art, but that in itself is not without peril. My job, for example, could go AI in ten or twenty years. Unless the safety nets then are very much better than now, I could be really fucked. (Here I invite you all to read the exceptional scifi YA novel "Invitation To The Game", in which most human endeavor has been automated but humans are still humans and thus pretty fucked up.)

You cannot argue about the meaning of art if you don't know where your next meal is coming from. It's simply unsustainable. And if what's catalyzing any discussion is also what's making you wonder where your next meal is coming from, understandably you're approaching the problem from a point of anger and fear, which isn't going to make for measured results either.

AI is here in some senses and arriving relatively soon in others, so we have to grapple with its impact, but AI is not the enemy. AI's just a machine, like the spinning jenny and the cotton gin and the internal combustion engine. Its existence is neutral, but its consequences are potentially very perilous, not because of the machine but because of the uses to which it is put by humans.

As usual, capitalism and greed are feeding the machine and also beating people with it. Whether or not we choose to argue about what AI does to or with art, and I think that's an argument worth having, it behooves us to remember that currently, whatever damage AI is doing, that damage always has a human hand behind it. I'm not especially fussed about someone posting AI-generated fanfic to AO3; I'm much, much more worried about who owns and trains that AI, and what we do as a culture and an economic force to counteract the bad actors who will use it for harm.

hi, Mr Sam, you're fandom old, you seen a lot so you might be able to help me because i don't understand : why would someone use chagpt to wright a fic ? the point of a creative outlet is to create, i don't understand

Listen, as a fandom old, let me tell you, and I mean this sincerely and as kindly as possible: You should ask them.

If you are genuinely in search of understanding about something strange someone has done in fandom, the absolute best way to understand is to talk with them about it. To come in nonconfrontationally and say, "Hey, I don't understand this and it concerns me. I'm struggling with this idea. Can you tell me more about why you did this?"

Most people who are doing shit in fandom that seems unfathomable love to talk about it if you give them an opening. And if they're a dickhead about it, then, well, that's a data point, at least.

Now, I suspect that what you are actually after is my hot takes on AI, which is fine; I don't prefer the question be that sidelong, but I think you're genuine in wanting the discussion. I am happy to give those hot takes, and indeed wrote an entire essay of them when I saw this ask, but I'm also twelve hours from getting on an airplane to cross six time zones and spend ten days functionally without a computer. This is not the time to air my thoughts on the incredibly inflammatory topic of AI.

So I promise I'm not being flip, but I'm going to post this tidbit of advice now, and save a reblog of it as a draft with the rest of what I wrote, and I will share my thoughts and feelings about AI when I'm back in Chicago in May. And if you do ask someone why they'd have an AI generate a story for them and you have a good discussion of it, I'd love to hear about that conversation from you!

Meanwhile, I have to spend today vibrating in place while I wait for the workday to be over and calling Google about my new phone, which if you put it on the 5G network overheats and chews the battery to shreds. It's a real good time. :D

[rivermans-ramblings]

How Things Have Changed

Riverman's Journal Aug. 2/23

Well here we go, this is the first blog I have ever done. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this. With so much content in the world today, I truly appreciate your time. All this media these days be it online blogs, social media, streaming, video games or any new one I haven't heard of yet. It is a far cry from when I grew up in the 80's. I grew up in Bonny River NB Canada we had 2 tv channels, 3 if the weather was good. A dial tone phone, cassette players, (I know I have lost all the kids now, as they are asking themselves what the heck those things are.) well here's a hint kids, music. Our cameras that took awhile to get your photos back and you hoped they came out good. There was no Netflix or other streamers but it was a real joy getting to the movie rental store and finding a copy of the movie you wanted still available. A real disappointment if it was gone. However once in awhile you would find a gem you really liked if you decided to have a deep dive through the ones you never heard of before. The biggest difference back then, now prepare yourself kiddies, there was no WIFI!!! Now you are probably thinking what the heck did we do back then. Well, we went outside, ya I know pretty wild to consider that one isn't it? Outside, you only go there to go somewhere or if by accident these days. No we went outside on purpose, to ride our bikes, play street hockey or other sports, play with friends, hang out. Now a days we have everything at our finger tips. We have a phone, camera, photo album, calculator, mini computer, movie player (through streaming services), calendar, alarm clock, games, flash light, email, banking abilities, internet, and so much more. Its funny looking back at a show like Star Trek the original series how they had communicators, hand held devices you spoke to people with. I still think of them sometimes when I have the speaker on during a conversation on my phone. Still haven't got the transporters down yet, or at least that they are telling us about yet. The things we are capable of now though is still quite impressive, for awhile now they have thought controlled arms and legs. Perhaps not to the level in Sci-Fi movies but still quite amazing. We have artificial intelligence(AI), a hot topic of whether or not we should even be messing with such a thing. There is however no going back with it now though as it is available online to write anything you want. Though its data banks are only updated to late 2021. It can however create works of art, or any kind of image you desire based on text description. That still depends on the persons ability to use their own words to get it to create what they want. The seemingly only thing holding that aspect of it back, as some people will be better than others at that, for now. They have highly intelligent AIs out there they are gearing for conversation abilities with humans to the point some people may not even realize that it is not another person they are speaking with. Some of the best AIs can think so fast the whole population of the planet would take some where in the ball park of 200 days + to process what some AIs can in a matter of seconds. That is scary for the ones who don't truly understand the AI. Such as myself who still to this day whenever I hear the world AI or super computer, my first thought is Skynet. For whoever doesn't get that reference then shame on you, lol. There is a lot of good that can come from AI there is no doubt, be it for medical purposes or saving lives in a different matter. We just need to have some kind of contingency plan for any possible bad. We after all are just human and there is always room for human error, or in extreme cases human malice or intent. Now when our grandchildren are the ones running the planet just imagine all those features I listed before on our cell phones that will seem like a dinosaur of technology just like the VHS. Google it kids.

[randomclam24]

If nothing else, now trying Project Brutality on I am the Painkiller difficulty with Death Wish spawning now beyond episode 1

7/21 night Can't sleep.

A question for deciding what format a recreation of my honest Mario 64 dreams which are mostly nightmares would be, what format would work best for the setpiece that's going to be right there when you enter the front lobby? For some reason, based upon a view from beneath of the llama in DK64's Angry Aztec after freeing him and seeing it in a temple, I had a nightmare of having the same view of a fire-breathing dragon filling up the lobby from Super Mario 64 when you enter, and when it happens, the respawning setting you back through the entry doors to the same room creates a potential infinite loop which has to be actively broken. It's a definite thing that if you enter through the front gates of the castle in the clouds, you get the uncanny fire-breathing dragon burning you alive in an infinite loop of respawning.

That's probably the only part that sounds profound, where the rest sounds like some random crap, although the absolute level of negative emotional aura that comes from them might make them stand apart from everything else, but that would require a dedicated dramatic lighting system.

In the past weeks, I've had multiple dreams taking place in either apartments or weird college dormitories where, in keeping with the theme of SH4 that you can't get out, even if it's just the apartment as a whole, Walter Sullivan can be found in the apartment room itself. He talks in the usual demeanor but like he's some real hot shit. It's *very* disturbing. The last one was in a revisited section of apartments where if you set off a tripwire event, either Walter Sullivan shows up to where you have no choice but to jump out the window onto the ground more than a story below, or Two Pyramid Heads show up for the same event, or all of them. After that event, running away because of who's pursuing, it becomes a new iteration of this idea of Silent Hill being a very sprawling open world, where people actually live in it and it seems like monsters only come out at night. Here, it's the dead of night.

Update I don't think there's much of my dreams I personally appreciate that isn't something bizarro.

7/22 night There is another Lacey's games

Update

I feel like there was a horror fantasy that existed in my mind with representations of pig people from Courage the Cowardly Dog that was never really played out in the show itself that appeared here. Honestly, it could have been a lot worse

Update We're going to transcribe the actual quote from Earthbound that I found to relate to internally and see if it actually reflects the same sentiment.

"That's right, I'm a bus driver. For now, I'm resting. Life is long... take it easy, chubs." *refers you to get acquainted with your town map (if you have it)*

So it's surprising that there were three words out of that that apply, and I still took the existential aspect of it. Actually no, the whole setting of Twoson as a world expansion embellishes the quote

Update It's too long

7/22 I finally got overproof again Even in the other sections besides rum, they don't have any of the labels with more than 100 proof on it. They're all more like 40% ABV.

I'm not exactly playing Russian Roulette, but I think this has to do with the fact that I feel like the actual mandatory part of my mission is over

My mom's having me go on a diet starting about now - her making me do things takes the form of her self-talk in nagging me about it finally taking shape as some statements start to stick in her mind and eventually I'll be doing computer programming

The real effect of this stuff is that, in the same way it's said old age is your second childhood, I want to be able to not worry about things for once

I really don't think it matters if I die drinking while failing at Cuphead and Mugman

You guys, you can leave anytime

I'm starting now because my parents are going out to eat somewhere *they* want to go, while they already took me out the other night already and I told them to just leave me home this time, and it's Sunday tomorrow, where they're off at church half the entire day.

Ask a neurotypical churchgoer how it's benefited them over personally reading the King James Version - the fact of it being impossible to actually get through to them to actually communicate that is another evidence we're living across a dimensional rift effectively from these people

I literally don't want to hear "*just* be nice to people", because if you were going to limit it to *that*, don't even go to church

I don't know what letting the situation develop is even going to yield: there will still be the usual response of, "oh, poor white people! (that's sarcasm - get real)"

I mentioned about a month earlier in a lower post being updated on deviantart inspiration coming from the author of Ulysses - that was at the very top of the list of national-class-selected literary works to do a book report on in senior year of high school, and I just jumped on it - I know about his niece's(?) reaction take on it, and it was that he had finally gone mad. What would it actually be like to write like that

You can't lazy-man your way through Cuphead and Mugman. Easy clears don't clear the level barriers.

When my uncle Bob and some other relatives, one of whom was from Germany and only spoke that language, visited, Bob was more than willing to play videogames in the spare time we had here. We played Bioshock on Xbox 360, and that was about the point where I deemed it a major goal to visually review Xbox 360, PS3, and PC versions of this game to determine which has the most charm. I thought it was just the PC version - big surprise - but I haven't gotten my dad to play Bioshock ever since that.

I don't want to think about this: what would perfecting a system likened to James Joyce's writing style for mirroring thoughts benefit other than tech giants who already survey psychology

Buckets of water being dumped on your head, water balloons, and supersoakers - things I won't experience again because I'm too mature now - technically there was always paintball, but - no real commitment, so I never went into it

I honestly don't even care about this enough to make it a legitimate issue, but evidently my dad never had enough respect of what a higher IQ means relative to the need to have other people teach you things versus reading about them in person firsthand - my mom was the one who really valued the fact From what I've seen, she doesn't know what autism means and just thinks it's an automatic effect of such an IQ, which is why she insists upon it

I think about contrarianism to the status quo on enough layers, and all that comes to mind is anti-natalism (Antinatalism - Wikipedia) - we need something more nuanced than that

Anti-natialism, except it's that meme, paraphrasing, I grew up knowing the world would be cold and unforgiving, but I never imagined it being this gay and stupid

That Biblical reality "know yourself" - I think I'm overdoing that to a fault But I don't have anything better to do - even doing my homework doesn't seem like as much a progression

The biggest blunder I've made with some viewers socially I think is this act of mine of taking up the challenge with people who think that it's alright to amount unresolvable conflicts to violence by their word - so in a sense they're *hypocrites*, because the same isn't valid And yet in their terms, they're still absolutely right - I just sense brainwashing

I've done all this drinking, and I've even listened to some of the music too, but I've never gone to a club before - I've heard you're not missing anything

Okay, just sum it up to this: I had a bunch of artworks on deviantart which I never really went through explaining the energy itself of, and that was for a long while, a very long time.

I just went over them. Basically: There's unresolved trauma

*I will play Saya no Uta* and see what results

With the way you can barely even find it in stores, I think I *will* just hold it against people that they aren't "overproof" in their convictions, if you know what I mean Actually, in fact, I've never considered it a bestowment to be smarter, in IQ (there is a *big* gangstalking cue going on right now) - like, could I just consider myself "extra" and leave it at that?

I've heard the saying "too smart for your own good" - if you're a Christian, "he who knows what is right and does not do it has sinned" itself gets complicated?

I mean, if it comes down to it: the kind of discourse I wanted to have was bridging the gap between the veritable "dimensions" of politics and its underbelly. So if things are going easy on me the whole way through, I'm doing something wrong.

A memory: in Boy Scouts, there was a quarry by a standard place scouts would go to camp out in in interconnected cabins with wooden platforms with ladder-stairs. But when it came down to that competition in the quarry, where we were doing capture-the-flag I became a ninja

Yeah, somehow nobody noticed me rock-climbing

The day before, some adults with their sons were showing off guillie suites and what they could accomplish

Feeling like "getting it" doesn't mean *shit* when everybody's goal who is a white male made self-aware is to drop out

I wish working my ass off didn't now mean doing the same thing as conformist "beaners" and "pajeets" who will just do whatever the establishment of corporate governance *wants* them to do

I actually like working my ass off when all the connotations aren't involved because I need something to keep myself distinguished from people with lower IQs to convince myself I'm not lacking despite the fact

It was specifically when, in community college, not *even* a liberal arts college, that a college computer science textbook on the back cover said (when I knew about homosexual programmer socks) "you know you want it" - no more

I love you guys I frequent, but I wish Original Content (OC) wasn't so sparse and far between

Is it an overstatement to say you guys are keeping me sane?

If the situation shifted to where working your ass off like boomers virtue-signal no longer identified implicitly with the establishment, I think I would go ahead and *do* it

Update I know I denounce atheism as people who have a mangled image of what it means to have a father figure, hence by proxy slandering the Bible and its Lord, but when it comes down to it, I don't have any positivist image of a father as a spiritual leader.

My dad is a computer programmer, and he is obsessive.

One reason for not wanting to just ramble about my true feelings, despite the fact that I'm articulate enough for it: there are true sick fucks monitoring my thoughts, so for example, the concept of going more in-depth with something like the way Earthbound's cave music sampled in creepypasta actually kind of entices me would have consequences on the other end.

If you get drunk enough, unironically pool hentai files, real-life or otherwise

That's not thinking of just anybody involved

I'm sorry

But honestly, asking my older cousin about the concept of sharing porn just to have him be reviled or something to that effect, I was surprised, mainly because he specifically said what *he* had would be too *much* for someone like me, in *my* league - so...

But that's the same guy who said he took it up the ass (to try it? (?)) (He said it wasn't great)

Update There are a lot of videogames that were for simpler platforms that I wouldn't consider to be any good now - that's simply because I'm older

*None* of my best hentai is recent

Update It seems like, even if I *did* go a little off the rails, for the rest of you, that moment would be just what is called "trouble in paradise"

I feel like I'm being tickled all over Sorry

Update I threw up. I want to think there's some meaning to the purists' "pray the anime away", but even now, it seems superficial

The pioneers threw up when dining with the Native Americans after a long trek, and then kept eating. I don't know.

Update Maybe the drinking is a cry for help.

I'm just playing Earthbound to whatever game over My parents just got home from Bellacino's with pizza Ouch

Update By my mom's metric, she would be saying her nerves are shot right now.

Real talk - the way liberal professors said they were shocked by the state of pupils from their generation then growing up, what if I'm also a complete and utter dumbass in my example

Update I remember being on a cruise ship with my parents on the sea to Jamaica and back, where I could barely stomach it. I hate this. This is worse than that.

Update It might be according to gangstalking, but my mom always says "*no* alcohol!" whenever we go to Wal-Mart (to no avail) - I *want* to be able to relate to other people in that regard.

I don't want everything to remain superficial. I'm always so pent-up, unconscious restraint always accomodates for what everyone else considers a conscious moral. In my case, it's not even conscious, but practically against my will.

Update What my dissenters among friends post, I would appreciate if you posted something extremely weird that took me by surprise.

Update after some sleep One thing's certain: If that comment I saw about how you have to just accept certain things as they are if you want to do Dark Souls had any merit, we wouldn't be seeing the mass dropout rate of white males from the system as the result of the current awakening. Instead those people would be *in* the system *doing* something.

7/23 night The latest Lacey's games, I'm still thinking about it (suddenly there was a big booming noise like a thunderstorm was coming again - there's another one)

7/24 How to get out tha hood in 3 easy steps

1: Run. Really fast

I have this thing where, if I'm not doing it all at the last second with all of the worrying involved in that, it feels like I'm just giving final affirmation to conformism once and for eternity

Update Okay. I think I've struck something. I remembered that during the time when I had to learn Physics II at the college level in under two weeks because there were *other* subjects that needed that same treatment as well, there was a way of looking at things that didn't stick but was there for that time where instead of looking at the individual items of information as things that need to be read into, like where women expect men to be psychics, instead just take everything at face value for what can be read out in that span of time per se and then just move on until you find the better explanation of those things in the text. That seems to have worked.

Update It seems like what we went into getting myself medicated to address, but there doesn't seem to be anything to specifically get me to stop looking too deeply into things once I'm set in the grind of doing them rather than just continuing to look at them at face value to get the raw information that constitutes the education and nothing else.

Update Unironically all I did so far was stop sitting on the side of my bed with the table right in front of it and used the desk chair and boosted it up to one of the higher seat positions, and I'm going through this faster. Also, I just got through sleeping all last evening to this afternoon, barely unbroken - about 19 hours

Now I don't know what people mean when they say being drowsy when you get up is because you sleep too much, because I had that when I woke up in the morning, but after then sleeping until the afternoon, it felt divine.

Update I think the reason I always wanted to try to go back to the mentality I had with school when it was just elementary school had to do with the fact that before people saw how far ahead I would try to go on my own and condition me not to, it seemed like everything was going to be a cakewalk. But then it turned out to be a matter of sitting and *waiting* for 90% of the duration of anything that does exist in this world, because that *is* how it is structured.

Now, for some reason, even when I do make significant progress, it feels like all the waiting involved in the classroom setting has passed also, and it's like I feel the pain of all that, and that discourages me.

Update Eventually, trying to type out all the material, which I do need to do to keep focused enough to internalize the material, starts to sound like rambling for its own sake, and there's nothing I can do about that.

Update Okay, this is an exception. For once, I've slept long enough to not want to go to sleep as soon as I try drinking, and that will probably not happen again any time soon because I don't sleep enough.

What are goals

So as soon as I'm done helping put away dinner, it's on

Update I hate how it's basically true in my case that alcohol, or a bit of it, loosens your inhibitions with interacting with other people where you couldn't otherwise. If that wasn't the case, what if I just lived my life?

Honestly, in a way, I wanted the experience in order to honestly make the judgment against people who are perpetually poor, but when it comes down to it, for most people, who aren't high-IQ and potentially neurotic, I don't see them get all existential about it like me. I think "overqualified" is a real concept here.

I honestly wonder why no one's made the consideration, what if tranny people actually had a reassignment surgery that worked in every sense that they claim? Right now, it doesn't - but science fiction has gone there long before this has been relevant. What if the reason people aren't open about it isn't even because they're uptight per se but because they're consciously aware, from experience these past generations, that every metapolitical issue is being used as a proxy for the whole of political correctness now? Because in that case, *I'm* not even going to go there now.

In Portal 2, I liked the saying they used that it takes someone particularly bright to make decisions this bad, which is their explanation for how the main character robot with the Irish accent got created. But in that is also something implicit: that regular stupid isn't simply going to create a high-level infraction just like that, by mere chance. In that is an implicit anti-evolutionism, because of the logic used. And I basically just now thought of the connection between that and sin as "missing the mark", in its Biblical meaning - it takes someone getting very close to the original meaning to then mess it up in their example for everyone else. That sounds like what sin meant Biblically, if that's the definition they were going by: literally leading the lambs astray. The meaning "to miss the mark" for sin Biblically illustrates how it can be done by accident.

I *would* like for church to feel more "real", not coming from myself as a complete outlier but from other people in those positions. But if it's like the accusations to Protestantism say, and all they're going to do is create their personal translations, then what's the point

Update The base level of discourse online is so bad - oh, please, *justify* me staying sober!

This seems to be the drill by now: start to post less as you drink, but if you have a memory come back because of it, you can post it

People used to talk using the home telephone, and conversations used to be a kind of art - at least from what I've heard, but you get the idea

I don't even use social media for sociality, at all, whatsoever

It was because I actually used Steam's chat for more socialization than actual social media that I mistakenly tried painting it as "social media" in a class that called for it, expecting every student to come up with something unique, and it was weird

I shouldn't have even been in a class for social media, other than that that's where I learned firsthand that they've been using algorithms even for things like new music for years.

I just remembered something. It used to be a thing in ancient history to take melodies that already existed and compare them for their chord progressions. I don't imagine that's what was in mind with these algorithms. No, according to the class, it's because of things that keep the majority's attention most likely, over anything else.

If you're tired about hearing about me, imagine how I feel having to be myself.

Update I can't share just my personal desires with the masses

What if it's true that the kinds of people who are great writers aren't great leaders and that the kinds of things expected of great leaders, I *don't* have in mind?

Dude, I think I finally found the words for what I was trying to say: Movies like Finding Nemo, the original, movies that came out like that once every so often now are so rare

Every so often, a thought in the ballpark of this surfaces - people always consider horniness an unwholesome thing, but is there no form in which these urges can be taken out in a way that is? Clearly not for kids, but still.

One thing I heard recently is that in this rare case someone got a virgin bride, all that sexual energy that would normally be taken out (these days) on many men is all focused upon you, and they said they found it cute.

Come to think of it, we're so far removed from colonial Americana, it shouldn't even be *attempted* to be pushed under the rug and hidden

Update I saw Common Filth call out escapism which I'm liable for and not give any alternative, not anything that stood out as meaningful

Out of all the people coming out of the "woodwork" to be reactionary to me, I don't see anyone per se trying to "correct" me

Honest to Lord God Jesus, there were people written about in the Bible like John the Baptist who survived just on berries

It just occurred to me that in Biblical times preceding the New Testament, it was written pastors would be struck down by lightning if they approached their preaching scene in the improper mindset to preach for the Lord. Why did that happen?

I'm not special. I may be very precise and accurate, for things that can be known by simple means, but actually being special categorically - I don't think so.

The sense of childish wonderment goes above and beyond that of commitment. Memories like going into the 1994 2.5-D Jurassic Park arcade booth for the first time have no precedent today.

I'm trapped in a sort of cycle of preferring my dreams over reality to then just want to wake up from some of them that are more like nightmares

I don't like the President F*ck Joe and tha Hoe Seriously, who elected that shit? Are you serious? Do these people hog oxygen?

My gangstalking bugging makes people intimidate me, but I wish you people yourselves would impress me. That's stone-cold.

Update And come to think of it, I don't think, even among the people I frequent, there are a lot of people who teach the fear of the Lord out there.

That's where I come up with the half-baked ideation that, for what it is, the fear of gangstalking *is* the modern fear of the Lord, and that's that.

Imgur: The magic of the Internet

I'm given this information online - what more do you want from me

That's in accordance to Biblical age of consent - therefore - what more do you want from me

(Ripe age: 14)

Update Okay, okay, and then you have, how else then are we going to convict these pedophiles in high positions? You're saying you don't have the info already on Satanic ritual abuses?

No really. It seemed machiavellian to me to convict the upper class on pedophilia charges when it's in that age range

Update I've seen it memed organically by people IRL on the Internet only a few times, but for some reason it makes me feel guilty because of the detachment of it: this image of a train station master keeping the time on his pocketwatch, like that's the higher standard above people's feelings. I don't feel good about that. It's emotionless. But at the same time what is unbiased science

Update I really think boredom as a thing with me with people's uploads isn't pronounced enough - in all honesty, I don't know *what* I'm missing, but I have that interest in the surreal aspect of my own dreams that never goes fulfilled

I want someone's intimidation to me for once to not be in an anal way that's completely hollow and unfulfilling

I slept for 19 hours, so despite heavy drinking, for once I can stay up with it without the typical drowsiness - "I take my life like I kept it - up mah sleeces"

You know, I never *thought* of that - for all the celebrities saying that you have to feel pain to assure yourself that you still feel - I've actually heard that there is such a thing as the celebrity who will want to go off and live in a log cabin with a thirteen-year-old girlfriend and never be heard from again, but you can't search that up! I've only in-person heard of it.

How do I describe my barriers to morality? You see things like Bioshock create an extreme example where you obviously are instructed implicitly not to take them up. Is that "poisoning the well"?

I actually *like* the sensation of being at the borderline of my nerves being shot.

You know how your limbs will go to sleep, left under pressure from other body parts long enough? Some people know about that, from what I've heard in-person. It feels like that.

It's like I'm trying to come up with my own "Qabbalah" so it feels iike my life constitutes something

There's a certain level, I'm like the people who never had their asses kicked back throughout grade school to learn from it - but these are subjects not talked about

I want somebody to be tough. I'm so depressed

Update That Trump tape that was so renowned had the same effect as leaks of elites saying you can just take the child prostitutes freely - they're already conditioned for it - not one of the people who visited Epstein's Island has been arrested

Update I don't know how to make text small, but I've had dreams more than I'm comfortable with with, indescribably long tunnels that you have to crawl through - SH4 does come to mind - I don't like it - it's very uncomfortable - some are underwater at the same time - and that's how you get to certain areas that are considered divine in nature as secret areas

As for people who *have* gone through the childhood trauma between the ages of 3 and 4 or so to get a split personality - should they even be allowed to remain alive?

Update Commander Keen, the first three episodes of which were in my childhood throughout, was said to have an IQ of 314, much, much higher than even Jimmy Neutron - what would it be like to have a virtually infinite IQ

Update I'm steady used to everybody considering someone showing off at *my* level being just because I'm a virgin

Update All things considered, it's kind of stupid for me to consider alcohol in the same way that people like my own dad would consider spice level that goes up to Habanero or Ghost Chili peppers - in either case, though, you *could* be hospitalized, and yet my dad still considers it, if only in irony

Idiotic, idiotic - don't do this

Nothing seems like a skill issue anymore; it just seems like a time commitment issue to the dungeon crawl.

Update /pol/ had a logical point they considered their "razor" - is this the "razor" when it comes to real life? People back up through the 70's had *their* idea of what futurism would be like, which has taken precedence up through our own era, really, but socially, you're like, no, age of consent has to remain the arbitrary state it's at - and no matter what, that's because of more modern social insufficiencies, because it's not Biblical. I don't know *how* one would expect to get through the social insufficiencies that are the modern world as a concept as opposed to the ancient world. Well, if you can't just say, it's the jews - then what are you left with? Floundering in the wind

Update I want people there to be able to give me checks-and-balances even at a time like this. The occasional "you fucked up on something potentially" while I'm just sober sounds like virtue-signaling if left entirely by itself And I don't mean a diss by that - I mean what I said by the statement I'm just not impressed, by anything - that's true.

Update I could never get anyone do "do their homework" on what *I* put out - they just put out reactionary videos. No diss, but it's enough that I feel alone

*Small text* I don't know why I think of this now, but there was slated to be an Artemis Fowl movie back in the day of that book series, but it broke up due to financial reasons - I knew someone who actually did the in-depth bottom-of-the-page decoding I read some of the books

Yeah there used to be book sequels to where there would be lore like that, like a sequel to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory that goes above and beyond the surrealism of the elevator at the end - I only vaguely heard about things like that

That was the point I was trying to make, with such references

How am I going to renounce drinking in the future? By admitting somehow that the kind of interest I have now in now rereading books like A Series of Unfortunate Events was not just completely dependent on entering this state, when in reality it kind of was.

Update Related to this state, I've heard in PSA material that it takes 5 entire minutes to drown when pushed under rocks underwater in the currents

I've heard that Monogatari was the primary reason a lot of anime started getting more normalized toward pedophilia

Update How are races supposed to come to terms in America when eventually, it's going to be like, what are we going to do with all the strictly non-conforming? Real questions

"Conservatively", could we have set a limit to illegal immigration such that such an address would no longer be necessary? No one ever brought that one up

Update That your concept of "principled" as a conservative means you can't make an address to the gross exceptions that have been made already - is this real history? Yes, yes it is.

Update I hate youuuuuu

Yeah, the hardest thing to break to people which is still entirely concrete in its truth is that we can't simply take in the entire third world which constitutes the majority of the earth's population and still retain (super-exaggerated) *our democracy*

If I hadn't bought so much alcohol, I could have afforded a mid-tier external hard drive by now and have been playing things like Bioshock Inifinite on this notebook from 2022 for $500. But then my parents would ask me, where did the rest of the memory go

Apparently you have to be an accepted gamma male(TM) to even use the N-word, and that's without the hard-R. There was one point at which I think I got the N-word pass

Update I wish I wasn't universally shadow-banned. That way if I wanted to for example, I could ask, do you want me to continue work on the original release of Ib in 2.5D? It was left at the lobby section for the sake of just giving an example of what the conversion could look like Now there's not going to be an answer given

Update There's so much pressure against people "being white" - maybe that's the reason I'm getting drunk right now

So, at best, speak as a gamma male, not as a "white person"

Update I plain spent too much money on booze in total. If I didn't feel like I was one some kind of mission with it, I wouldn't have.

Update I honestly can't handle as much as i thought. I'm struggling with about the same amount that made me throw up last time.

What if in the end I think I'm entittled to the same welfare that black people are, because I'm simply lazy

Update If I had the motivation, or whatever you call it, to see everything like I did the second grade, that would just be miraculous

I wish my individual life would have higher stakes than just, do what you're told, or we'll throw you away

Viva Pinata (Yes, this is a message a la Q's quest to decipher a message a la "drink your ovaltine")

That'th so *dope*

*smacks lips* ayo where tha white women at?

Update Pussy-vagina - "here -" Pussyvagina

7/26 As a last measure to experimenting with alcohol, I'll see just how much I can still be productive on, as opposed to doing nothing as usual. In fact I am so uptight that a little went a long way.

Update I just remembered something from "back in the day". DK64 had creepy segments where a set of gun sights would start moving around the screen trying to lock on with a timer, introduced with a very harsh voice-over of "Killers!" Even as a kid, it was like, they're introducing the concept of contract killers in a game meant for kids? And the first time it happens is in Angry Aztec's creepy temples whose music is already questionably disturbing for such a game.

Update Things I want for *Christmas* No more gangstalking engines revving in the near distance For some things like a lawn mower going every Wednesday can be chocked up to somebody's schedule, but these revving noises are much more specific than that. But also the start and stop times of the lawn mower are tuned to this as well.

I don't know why *nothing* is a better medication for everyday work than a bit of alcohol as self-medication. From what everybody around me has told, that's *stupid*. I think it's just them *saying* it, though

What if people disrespected people in the way that people do when they don't respect the institution of "muh science", and not *even* the scientific method I'm already used to it. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to keep quiet and out of trouble with these people. But what if *they* had to put up with it? Bitch

Honestly, with this mindset from the substance involved, come to think of it, there's probably a sense of tactile satisfaction that comes from everyday productivity that keeps people *doing* it. I don't have such a thing normally at *all*. That's why then when you have something legitimately hard pop up, it springs me out of my seat and back to bed without a thought being involved

I'm absolutely idiotic. Back in grade school, I had the drive to blaze through anything in curriculum I wanted because it was all compact enough you could do that with little extra effort. That's all I get a sense of satisfaction from, not the course material itself

Even back in college, I wanted to prioritize at some point typing out the Bible in the way you would a textbook, if you do that kind of thing, but what happened - there is so much capitalization, at least one of my pinkies blows out

Maybe trauma does even more to people than what has been let on, because I'll usually find satisfaction in the *setting* of something and be more prone then to space out than actually partake in the thing itself like everyone else is doing

I actually really like Yakisoba noodles, but only the beef kind - they're cheapest at Aldi

Surviving on just Ramen noodles through college - do people really, because they always tell you throughout school you need enough sleep and eating right in order to do well on your tests

I got a 93% on the ending exam for another major section just now, and that's on some alcohol. At the same time I see and I *don't* see what somebody was saying by exclaiming that all these people who get drunk casually think they're in control - I guess you're saying that all of those people don't have that mechanism of keeping oneself in check - because I'm self-aware of it to the extent, you would know just to wait for one second and reassess - that's not on *much*, though

Update I'm having the dream from last night come back hard for some reason - because of the appearance of Kyubey and some other similar creature, there were sudden ruptures that would go through entire blocks of city, leaving everyone dead in its wake, and the only way to get away was to pass through a territory completely owned by Mexicans or something who would attack if they recognized you as not one of them

Apartments with really high floor numbers keep recurring

So classic games, I've already played out the meaningfulness of, and I'm not obsessive to the point of wanting to grind them for particular high scores. Kind of feels the same way now for anything productive - replaceability is absolutely real, and I *realize* that.

It might just be good advice to try to save up on cash in America and then move to a different country where inflation won't be so high.

Honestly, where is the elementary-school rendition of the sense of innate competition going to come from that I say, I'm going to really get ahead in this program - I already have the decent grades to prove myself - actually let's put aside the fact that I have a General Transfer Studies degree - that doesn't get you anything.

It's just that, am I supposed to compete with people in the sense of outdoing how caught up in the system that's going to work them as hard as they can get away with I am?

In Silent Hill 2, there was a definite theme with the basement's basement where someone was locked up where they said they lost their precious ring down there but would never, ever go back. In Silent Hill 4, it seems like that theme has been made into the home in which you live, because of the situation in there. I just feel like 2 and 4 mesh together more as a narrative than the others, and 1 and 3 are left as the "cult" games.

Update So what are the drawbacks to trying to correct things any further hoping to prevent the collapse? It would cause retaliation to go even further.

With this way I'm diagnosed to no tangibility in effect - you can't simply tell a man just following orders he's fucking up

Maybe with some of these people, you're really talking about the fact that their sense of "sticking up for the little guy" entails defending a man just for only doing what he's told, when that's the means by which the earth has experienced its most numerous deaths by genocide.

That's what I tried to say with mentioning people's "better sense of judgment" - that that could just as well have been conditioned into them by someone's orders.

Update Being pressured to do homework to where I was at the boderline of being in a frenzy doing it, I could bypass the fact that the way I normally look at things sober interprets everything as if it's trying to be poetry or something.

Frankly, I want to be able to do this type of thing like it's my laundry and be done with it.

Update much later It got me worked up, but I got over it and found out what I thought was wrong about 7th-gen visuals on PC - typically the "very high" lighting settings are overkill for the level of visuals to where it made it seem somewhat more synthetic where these were visuals that started to look organic up close for the first time. Not even resolution is as high-priority as that, although I made a similar decision with 1080p being overkill for its range as well.

I got Unreal Development Kit downloaded again. What are we going to do with it? Nothing because I'm not skilled.