#i don't own a home i barely own a car i've spent most of my adulthood living with relatives while working full or nearly full time

[starlit-mansion]

i'm gonna be honest... i have been getting GENUINELY upset at grocery prices lately. like i go to a store and i feel CRUSHED checking out with 4 days worth of food for 2 people for $80. it just feel like so much money falling into a black hole to never be seen again.

i'm not that good at meal planning but convenience foods are starting to rival restaurant prices, so why buy a $6 hoagie of 5 inches of dry ass bread with a meager handful of meat and cheese when it's not even a remotely pleasurable experience OR cheap. At least give me one of those.

i've always spent a good amount more at the grocery store than a super strict budget might allow because i don't like cooking very much and i don't want to spend mental energy fussing around with exact deals, but at this point, i have to download their stupid app and clip their stupid digital coupons to try to squeeze a few more items into my budget, and it just sucks, and i literally know the companies are price gouging, and now i have to give up my data to try to stay afloat.

it's just one more thing in life that makes me feel like i'm trapped in a car with a broken parking brake that's slowly rolling backwards into a freakin lake. it's impacting my HARMLESS LITTLE HOBBY of TRYING WEIRD FOODS because. at this point. who can spend the money to potentially not like what you get

[kirishwima]

Ohhh pookie i meant to say like they get mad (maybe yell) at her and she starts crying and starts ignoring them for a week i love angst BOOKIE 😩💔🗣️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️❗❗❗❗‼️‼️‼️

+ shiu kong & toji they fine ass mfs 😩‼️

not u putting Mahito up there looking SO YUMMY (pls. i know hes an asshole but he's my guilty pleasure)

anyway, I love this kinda angst, and I've already written a kinda-adjacent smau, so...here's a drabble instead!

JJK guys arguing with you when you tell them you crashed their car

Gojo is pissed. He runs his hand through his hair, and not even his blindfold can protect you from the seething glare he shoots your way.

"You what?!"

You try to explain it away-it was an accident, you didn't mean to, it won't happen again! But you know that though the guy has a dozen different sports cars, the one you borrowed was his prized possession, one he only let you drive because it's you, and well, you're his other most prized possession, in a way.

You expected him to be irritated, to maybe say a word too many while fueled with anger.

What you didn't expect was the yelling. The cussing, all of it reaching a deafening crescendo when he, exasperated, huffs out;

"God, can't you do anything right?"

It felt like the world came crashing down on you, tears welling up in your eyes before you even realized it. Satoru saw that, of course he did, his anger that was boiling and spilling over now freezing cold, his hands reaching out towards you, hovering at your sides.

"Wait I don't-I mean I didn't mean it like that-"

But it's too late, as you shy away from him, wiping tears with closed fists.

He's never been good at comforting you, never knows what to say...he can usually take your mind off of whatever upset you with silly jokes and his trademark humor, but what can he do when he's the cause of it? He simply doesn't know. So he pulls away, lets his hands drop to his sides, mad at you partly, yes, but most of all mad at himself for taking a petty argument too far.

He doesn't talk to you for days. Grabs his pillow and heads to the spare bedroom before you can even suggest doing so yourself, will use the excuse of missions to stay away from you, anything he can do to give you space. He doesn't know how to fix this, you've always been the one urging him to talk about his feelings in this relationship, to stop repressing all he has to say, but without your guidance he's just a lost boy, hurt and uncertain.

He doesn't know what to do-so he does what he does best. Repress, and suppress. Even if the guilt eats him up from the inside.

Geto doesn't say anything at first. He looks to the scratch on his car, arms crossed over his chest, as you helplessly try to explain how it happened, standing right beside him with a pleading look.

He only listens to you half-heartedly, for the most part lost in his own mind, trying to repress the anger threatening to push out of his chest, red and bubbling up to his neck like a witch's cauldron over heat. He knows how scary he can be when he's mad, and as upset as he is with you, the last thing he wants to do is scare you.

"Suguru please...talk to me?" you ask him, meek and quiet and all he can do is offer you a side-eyed glare, expression icy cold.

He doesn't say anything-instead turns and walks away, leaving you to stand there by yourself, tearing up at the thought of him leaving over this. He didn't say a word, nothing-does he just not care enough to argue with you? Was this the final straw in a long list of stupid arguments you've been having lately?

For a week, he barely talks to you. There's nothing but silence between you when you're both at home, though that's a rare occurrence in itself, most of his time spent outside the house-presumably to stay away from you. You buy paint to fix the scratch on the car, only to find out he's already gotten it fixed, without telling you.

For a couple nights you slept in the same bed, backs turned to each other, even if it got uncomfortable, even if your whole body itched with the need to turn around and bury your face against his chest.

He thought he was protecting you by acting this way-he had no clue it'd drive a wedge even further into your relationship.

The third day you got out of bed when you thought he was asleep, grabbed your pillow and a blanket and slept on the couch. Yet somehow in the morning, you woke up in bed again. This kept happening for a few days, though neither of you ever brought it up.

Suguru wanted to talk to you, fix things-he wanted to so bad, but the thought of you potentially looking to him with disdain, or even worse-with fear in your eyes, was too much for him to bear. So he stayed away. He'll continue to do so, unless you make the first move.

Nanami sighs, rubs the bridge of his nose-like a father tired of having to scold his child. And he plays the part, makes you feel so small as he chastises you over the mishap, his tone never rising, not really, though irritation quite clearly seeps into his voice.

"Kento, I know I made a mistake-" you start, trying to show him your point of view, but he quickly shuts you down with an annoyed glare.

"A mistake would be one thing. This is just plain stupid."

And you feel your very heart clam up, seeing the man you love assess you so coolly. He doesn't say much else after that, merely that 'he'll get it fixed' before getting up, leaving you alone in the living room, your knuckles turning white with the way you dug your fingers onto your lap to keep from screaming.

He's not exactly...distant, but he's definitely colder in the upcoming days. Nanami's never been a fan of PDA, so on the surface, things look relatively normal. But at home? He avoids your touch expertly, like he would when maneuvering away from a cursed spirit's attack, he sleeps on the very edge of the bed-yet stubbornly continues to sleep in the same bed as you, toying between the lines of anger and care that has you pulling at your own hair.

You'd think he'd be more mature-he has that vibe about him, is always so responsible. And yet he never knows how to handle his own emotions, especially not when it comes to you. He'll have dinner ready for you on the kitchen counter when you get home from work, yet he won't take a seat and eat with you like he usually would. He'll do the laundry when it's his turn to do so, expertly fold it and store your clothes at their exact usual place, yet won't have a single conversation with you on the matter. He's the best roommate you could have-but as a boyfriend, that's a whole other story.

You know he cares, deep down he still loves you...but he's stubborn, always has been, and won't breech the topic unless you do, first.

Toji is a dick.

He really is. He lent you his car, the best up, old Honda Civic with the rearview mirror missing, the one he's crashed about a dozen times. Yet when you 'fess up to him that you scratched it, he gets so mean.

"You're a dumbass, don't you know how to fuckin' drive?!" he yells, and yells, and yells. Even with tears prickling at the corners of your eyes, he doesn't stop, keeps at it-until he raises a hand to emphasize his point, and you flinch.

He knows he's an asshole. He does, but for you to think he could ever hurt you...he freezes, arm slowly dropping back down, finally quiet.

Toji doesn't know how to apologize. He's never had to before, more used to leaving a difficult situation than bother facing it. But he doesn't want to leave this, leave you-so he stays there, a long moment, noticing the tears in your eyes, the way you avoid his gaze.

He doesn't know why he acts this way, he fucking wishes he did. He knows he loves you, knows he cares so, so much, so why? Why does he act like a feral dog, when he wants you to be his leash so badly?

You're the one that walks away first, turning your back as you exit the room, slamming the door behind you. And for his part, he lets you, afraid he'd bare his fangs and bite if he followed you, even if he doesn't want to. He's left every good thing he ever found in his life, knowing that if he'd stay he'd mess it up, break it beyond repair.

God, he hopes so desperately he didn't ruin you, too. Perhaps he should leave. Before it's too late.

[lucy90712]

Can you please make a hector fort fic where he spends all his time with his friends and spends barely time with her. Then they were supposed to go on a date together and she waits for him to pick her up, she waits for 2 hours and goes to social media to see if he has posted anything and sees on his story a picture of him and her girl bestfriend having fun playing games. So she leaves the house with her stuff. When hector comes home he realises what he has done and tries to get back in contact with her but he fails. They don't see each other for a while but he notices her walking on a busy street and tries to talk to her. (ending with fluff please)

You: good morning amor hope training goes well don't forget about our plans tonight I'll be waiting for you 

Hector: have fun in class and don't worry I'll be there at 7 as promised 

You: love you 

That was the last I heard from Hector and now it's 8:32pm and he's still not here to pick me up. He promised he promised me he'd be here and that he'd make up for us not spending any time together. I should've seen it coming as he's been doing this for weeks he's promised time and time again that he will come over or we'll go on a date and then he never shows up. When I can finally get hold of him he always has an excuse either he was busy or with friends and lost track of time but whatever it is it hurts. I've done so much for Hector I've been there for him since we were kids and I've been there for every good and bad moment of his football career but he can't even manage to show up for one day or just to see me for an hour. 

We made the jump from being friends to being a couple just over a year ago and for the longest time he was the best boyfriend ever he treated me so well was super attentive and really made an effort to be romantic and take me on dates. I don't remember exactly when it changed I think it happened slowly over time but ever since he's started playing with the first team more he's been busier with training and matches which I understand but what I don't understand is spending every evening with his teammates who he sees all day when he could see me. It might sound selfish but I just miss my boyfriend he's already missed so much like he wasn't here when I was stressed over my big exams and he wasn't here when I got the results and he wasn't here when I needed him most when my mum went into hospital and I was scared and panicking. Just a few months ago he'd never dream of leaving my side during any of those times but now he barely knows they even happened. 

I text him once then twice then three times then I called multiple times but they all went unanswered. My last resort was to message him on Instagram as I know he won't have turned the notifications off for that but I didn't need to message him Instagram gave me my answer straight away. He had posted on his story showing him out with his friends and my best friend was with them too which was a whole other level of pain. My best friend knows all about my troubles with Hector yet she went out with him and his friends anyway and didn't even bother to tell me. That was the final straw I'm not dealing with this anymore I deserve better I deserve someone who will be there for me, not break promises and definitely not someone who makes me feel like this. 

My mind was racing but I quickly worked out what I wanted to do so I grabbed my keys and got in my car. Seeing as Hector wasn't in I decided now is the perfect time to go and get all the things I have at his place and leave the spare key I have that he gave me ages ago because I won't be needing it anymore. When I opened the door I immediately saw all the little things of mine there are that makes Hector's place feel just like my own some of my books are on his coffee table and my hair ties on the sideboard by the door. I spent some time grabbing all my things while trying not to cry that I was losing my boyfriend who I thought was the love of my life. Before I left I found a piece of paper and a pen and wrote Hector a note to tell him his I felt and why I was leaving and then put my key with it. Closing the door I felt like I was closing a chapter in my life a chapter I never wanted to close and one that's going to stay with me for a long time but it has to be done. 

Hector's POV

As soon as I opened the door to my apartment it felt weirdly empty like was something wrong but the door was locked and nothing looked like it has been stolen. Still I had a quick look around and then I noticed a piece of paper on the kitchen counter. Next to it was a key and that's when I realised what was wrong all of y/n's things were gone her books, her hair ties and all of the little things she leaves here were gone and this is her key that's now in my hand not with her like it should be. I knew the note would be from her but I didn't need to read it to know what was going on and what I'd done. I had promised to see her tonight as I've forgotten about the last few dates we've planned but I did it again my friends dragged me out after training and then I got carried away and forgot about the most important part of my day proving to y/n that I will do better. I really didn't want to read the note but I knew I had to I owe her that at the very least.

Dear Hector, 

I have left my key and taken my things because I'm done. I'm done because tonight we were supposed to go out you promised you'd pick me up at 7 and you promised you wouldn't forget like you have been for the last few months but you did. Instead of trying to prove to me that you love me and that the last few months have just been an anomaly you went out with your friends and my best friend leaving me waiting for you, calling and texting you until I saw your story. I can't do this anymore I love you but I can't let you treat me like this so I'm calling it here. I've really enjoyed the last year or so we've spent together but it's time for us to move on as clearly we aren't meant to be. 

I love you and probably will for the rest of my life but this is goodbye. 

Y/n xx

Those words hurt to read. I already knew I fucked up but to see the words written in front of me made it truly hit me how much I'd hurt her. She was the best thing that ever happened to me she was always there for everything no matter what she's been by my side through every up and down and I truly thought she'd be there for everything for the rest of our lives. I wanted her there for every achievement in my career and I wanted to be there for all of her achievements too. She was the one I didn't need anyone else I didn't want anyone else but now she's left me and I don't have my person anymore and I may never have her again. 

After the initial shock I tried to text her to see if I could apologise but she had already blocked me so I tried Instagram but she had blocked me on there too. I should've seen it coming but it upset me that I wouldn't be able to reach out to her and try and make things right or at least tell her how sorry I am for fucking this all up so badly. She's gone and it's all my fault that's what hurts the most if I hadn't been such an idiot then we'd still be together but no I had to go and ruin things with the best woman in the world. 

A few weeks later

Life has been hell for the last few weeks I've really missed y/n I've missed having her sat in the stands during matches and I've definitely missed seeing her. She's been in my life for the longest time not just as my girlfriend but as my friend so not having her in my life anymore and so suddenly as well has been really hard. I've definitely not been myself all of the guys keep asking if I'm ok and I tell them I am but we all know it's a lie they know how much I love y/n and they can see how it's destroyed me to lose her. I've tried time and time again to reach out to her but of course I'm still blocked I even text her best friend to get her to talk to y/n but she says she hasn't seen her or had any of her texts answered either so I have no way of telling her that I'm sorry. 

Everyone keeps telling me I need to try and move on and they're right it's just hard everything reminds me of y/n whenever I go anywhere I see places that we've been on dates to or just places we have memories at. Today I'm going to stop myself from moping about and go for a walk to clear my head as that's what I think I need to be able to move on or at least start to. I decided to go to the nearest park and walk around as it's relaxing and it should be quiet there which is what I need. 

The park was pretty empty there was a few people around; one couple with their baby an older couple feeding the birds and a girl who was sat on a bench with a book. The girl reminded me of y/n her hair was the same colour and reading in the park is something she loved to do. As I walked closer I realised that it actually was y/n she had headphones in and the book she'd been reading in her hands like she so often did when I went to see her. Seeing her made me stop in my tracks I didn't know whether to go and talk to her or just leave her be but then I realised this is my chance to talk to her and get closure at the very least. 

Your POV

Being without Hector has been hard I've missed feeling his touch and having him next to me when I sleep. So many times I've wanted to take it all back and run back to him but I know I can't or he'll think he can treat me like that again or someone else and I can't let that happen. Today is Wednesday which is the day that I had free from classes and usually I would spend all day with Hector so I've been sat at home all day thinking about him but I can't keep doing that so I needed to get outside. To give me something to do I walked to the park with my book. I found a bench with a nice view of the trees and the little pond with a few ducks and let myself forget about the real world. 

I was so in my own world that I didn't notice when someone sat next to me to start with until they sighed which brought me out of my trance. When I looked to my side I think I turned as white as a ghost because Hector was sat next to me with a look of pure sadness on his face. It took a few seconds for my brain to begin functioning again but when it did I leapt up and tried to run away. I'm not ready to face him again not when I've been trying so hard to forget about him and move on I blocked him and separated myself from him so I wouldn't have to do this. Before I could get more than a few steps away Hector placed a hand on my arm he didn't pull me back he didn't even hold my arm tightly but having his hand on me stopped me dead in my tracks. He encouraged me to sit back down so I did and I watched as his hand moved off my arm down to my hand which he held tightly in his grasp so I couldn't run again. 

"Hector" I started to say 

"No please let me talk" he interrupted 

"Ok but you have five minutes then I'm leaving" I said

"I'm sorry and I know move said that a lot recently but I really mean it when I got home and saw the note you left it broke me having all of your stuff gone from my apartment made it feel empty and not being able to see or talk to you has killed me I've missed you so much and I'll do anything to make it up to you" he said 

"How do I know that you actually mean it and that you'll actually change I told you how disappointed I was a million times and every time you told me you wouldn't forget the next time and then you always did it's like I wasn't important to you anymore how do I know that'll change" I said 

"I know I was an awful boyfriend but losing you has taught me a lot I know I can't treat you like that and I'd never dream of doing it again this might seem to much but you are truly the one for me I don't want to ever be with anyone else so please give me a another chance and I promise I'll do better and if I don't I'll let you go" he said 

"Ok but this is your last chance if you miss any date or anything without telling me and giving me a valid reason we're done" I said 

"I'll never miss a date ever again don't worry" he said 

"I can't lie I'm glad to have you back I've missed you so much it really hurt to walk away" I said

"And you'll never have to walk away again I'm here to stay" he said 

He pulled me into his side and leant down to kiss my lips which felt so good as I've missed having him by my side and I've definitely missed kissing him. He let me sit and finish the chapter I was reading before we left the park and went back to his place as he wanted to make things up to me straight away by having a movie date at home which he knows are my favourite. He's definitely off to a good start at making things up to me but honestly I'm just happy to have him back by my side. 

[formulas-bitch]

Come Back Home - Charles leclerc X leclercsibling/reader

4.9k words

The sun hung low in the sky, casting long shadows across the concrete floor of the garage. It was always like this, Charles thought, when his older sister, Emily, returned home from her latest tour in the army. There was a certain air of anticipation, of excitement, that seemed to fill the room, as if the very walls themselves were vibrating with the energy of her presence. Even the old, rusty tools hanging on the walls appeared to glisten under her watchful gaze, as if they too were proud to be a part of her story.

Charles could feel his heart race with a mixture of nerves and joy as he watched Emily walk towards him. Her uniform was spotless, her posture straight and tall, her hair tied back in a tight bun that emphasized her sharp features. Her eyes, a deep shade of blue that he had inherited, sparkled with an unmistakable twinkle of pride. She held out her hand to him, and without a second thought, Charles took it, feeling the warmth and strength of her grip.

"You look great, Emily!" he exclaimed, unable to hide his grin. "I can't believe you're finally home!"

Emily smiled warmly at her little brother. "I missed you too, Charles. I've been thinking about that race of yours. You know, if you want, I could give you a few pointers. I mean, I might be a bit out of practice, but I've got some experience under my belt."

Charles' eyes widened in excitement. "Really?" he asked, barely able to contain his enthusiasm. "That would be amazing! I've been practicing a lot, but it's always better when someone who's been there can help you."

Emily nodded, her expression softening. "Of course, little brother. I remember when you were just a kid, always tagging along with me to the track. I never imagined you'd grow up to be such a talented driver." She placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "We'll make a great team, you and me."

As they walked out of the garage and into the warm evening air, Emily glanced over at the dusty old trophy case by the side of the house. There, amidst the faded ribbons and tarnished medals, were a few shining reminders of her own racing days. She'd never won anything quite as impressive as the prize Charles was vying for, but she knew that didn't matter. Her pride in her little brother's accomplishments far outweighed any lingering feelings of envy or regret.

They made their way to the track, the familiar smell of hot rubber and burning fuel filling their noses. Emily's eyes scanned the course, analyzing the turns and the jumps, the potential hazards and the ideal lines. She'd spent so much time here, honing her skills, pushing herself to the limit. Now, standing here beside her brother, she realized that it had all been worth it.

"So," Emily said, as they walked along the fence, "tell me about your competition. Anyone I should keep an eye out for?"

Charles nodded, his expression a mix of determination and nerves. "Well, there's this one kid, Max, who's been winning everything lately. He's really good, but I think I can beat him. I've been practicing really hard, and I've got you to help me now." He glanced sideways at Emily, a hopeful smile playing on his lips.

Emily placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I believe in you, Charles," she said, her voice steady and calm. "I know you can do this. And even if you don't win, remember that it's about having fun and challenging yourself. That's what matters most." She gave him a wink, trying to ease some of the pressure he was feeling.

As they continued to walk along the fence, they came across a familiar-looking car, its paintjob faded and its tires worn thin. Emily recognized it immediately as Max's car, the one that had given her brother so much trouble during practice. "Hmm," she mused, "it looks like your competition could use a little help too. Maybe I could take a look at his car before the race and see if there's anything we can do to give you an edge."

Charles' eyes widened in surprise. "Really?" he asked, unable to hide his excitement. "That would be amazing! I mean, I don't want to take advantage or anything…"

Emily smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry about it, Charles. It's not about taking advantage. We're here to help each other out, remember? Besides, if we can help Max improve his car, it'll only make the race that much more interesting." She glanced over at the car, her eyes assessing its condition. "Let's take a look at it, shall we?"

Together, they approached Max's car, and Emily began to inspect it carefully. She checked the tire pressure, the alignment, and even took a look under the hood. After a few minutes of examination, she pulled out a rag and began to wipe away some of the grime from the engine. "This car has a lot of potential," she said to Charles, "but it's not being used to its fullest. If I were you, I'd focus on these few areas." She pointed to a worn-out suspension and a faulty spark plug. "With some TLC and a few simple adjustments, this car could be unstoppable."

Charles nodded, his eyes shining with determination. "Thanks, Emily. You don't know what this means to me." He paused, his expression growing more serious. "Listen, I've been thinking… I know you're my big sister and all, but what if we were to team up? I mean, not just for this race, but for future ones too? We could be unbeatable together."

Emily considered his words carefully. She had always been close to her little brother, but the idea of actually racing alongside him had never crossed her mind. It was an intriguing prospect, but she wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. "It's a nice idea, Charles," she said finally, "but you need to remember that we're still competing against each other today. I can't help you win the race if it means losing it myself. and also i never know when i will be called back to base and go on tour again."

Charles nodded, understanding her dilemma. "I get it," he said, his voice softening. "But maybe…maybe we could just see how today goes, and then talk about it afterwards? You know, if we both do well and have fun, who knows what could happen?" He flashed her a hopeful smile.

Emily smiled back, feeling a warmth spread through her chest. "Okay," she agreed, surprised by how much she wanted to make this work. "We'll see how it goes. And even if we don't end up teaming up, I promise I'll always be your biggest fan, no matter what."

As they continued to walk around the car, Emily couldn't help but feel a sense of camaraderie with her brother. They had always been close, but this newfound understanding and trust was something special. She could tell that Charles felt the same way, his movements more confident and his posture more erect.

The race finally began, and both Emily and Charles took their places at the starting line. Their engines revved in unison, and the air was filled with the smell of burning rubber and hot metal. As the flag dropped, they roared forward, their tires squealing against the pavement.

Emily and Charles stayed close together, watching each other's every move. They weaved in and out of traffic, avoiding potholes and other obstacles with ease. They could feel the tension between them, a mixture of determination and sibling rivalry. But they also felt a newfound respect for each other, a mutual understanding that they were in this together.

As they raced past the halfway mark, Emily began to pull ahead slightly. She glanced back at Charles, hoping he was doing alright, but didn't want to lose focus on the track. Suddenly, she heard a loud pop from his engine, and saw him slowing down. "Charles!" she shouted over the radio. "What's wrong?"

Charles gritted his teeth as he fought to keep the car under control. "I think I blew a tire," he replied, his voice strained. "I'm going to pull over and see if I can fix it."

Emily felt a pang of guilt as she watched her brother struggle. She knew how much this race meant to him, and she didn't want to be the reason he lost. She considered stopping as well, but she didn't want to give up her lead. Instead, she radioed back, "Don't worry about it, Charles. Just focus on getting the car fixed. I'll keep an eye on things until you're back."

As she continued to race, Emily couldn't help but keep glancing back over her shoulder. Each time she looked, she could see Charles frantically working on his car, trying to get it back up and running. The delay gave her a slight lead, but she knew it wouldn't last forever. She had to keep pushing if she wanted to win this race.

The track twisted and turned, winding its way through the lush greenery of the countryside. Emily expertly navigated the turns, her tires squealing against the pavement as she forced them to break traction. She could feel the engine beneath her, purring contentedly despite the recent setback. She knew that if she could just make it to the finish line, she had a good chance of winning.

In the distance, she could see Charles' car slowly making its way back onto the track. His progress was steady, but it was clear that he was struggling to keep up with her pace. Still, she couldn't help but feel a surge of pride watching him battle his way back into the race.

The finish line came into view, and Emily redoubled her efforts, pushing her car to its limits. She knew that she had to maintain her lead if she wanted to win. The stands were packed with spectators, their cheers echoing across the track as they urged her on. She could feel the heat of the sun beating down on her helmet, but she refused to let it distract her.

Behind her, Charles was gaining ground steadily, his car running more smoothly now that he had fixed the tire. The determination in his eyes was unmistakable as he closed in on her, inching closer with each passing second. Emily could feel her heart racing, a mixture of fear and excitement coursing through her veins.

As they neared the finish line, the cheers from the crowd grew louder, their voices a deafening roar that seemed to envelop the entire world. Emily glanced over at Charles, her heart in her throat as she wondered if she would manage to hold on. With a final burst of speed, she crossed the finish line, her tires squealing in protest as she slid sideways. She looked up to see Charles just inches behind her, his face contorted in a grimace of determination.

The race officials waved their checkered flags, signaling the end of the race. Emily slowly pulled her car to a stop, her heart still racing, her muscles aching from the effort. She climbed out of the car, her helmet in her hands, and took a deep breath. She glanced around, searching for her brother, and saw him emerge from his car a few feet away. His face was flushed with exertion and emotion, and there was a mixture of pride and disappointment in his eyes.

They met each other halfway, clasping hands in a gesture of camaraderie and understanding. "I'm sorry, Charles," Emily said, her voice hoarse from shouting over the engine. "I didn't mean to cause you to blow your tire."

Charles smiled, his expression softening. "It's alright, sis. You didn't do it on purpose. Besides, you helped me realize that I can still keep up with you." He glanced at the track, a distant look in his eyes. "I'm just sorry I couldn't pull ahead this time."

The two of them stood there for a moment, lost in their thoughts. The sound of the crowd slowly faded away, replaced by the gentle rustle of the leaves in the trees and the occasional hushed voice. Emily reached up and adjusted her helmet, feeling the sweat beading on her forehead. She knew that despite their sibling rivalry, she and Charles were a team. They always had been. all of a sudden Emily hears her phone ringing and sees it is her captain from the army calling.

"Sorry about that, Charles. I'd better take this. It's probably about my orders or something." Emily says, already walking a few steps away from her brother. She answers the call, pressing the phone against her ear. "Hello, Captain. What's up?"

There's a brief pause on the other end of the line before the captain replies, his voice grave. "I'm afraid I have some news, Emily. Your unit has received orders for a deployment. You're to report to base immediately for processing." Emily feels a chill run down her spine. "But, I thought… I mean, I was supposed to be here for the rest of the season. What about my brother's race?"

The captain hesitates for a moment. "I'm sorry, Emily, but these orders are top priority. You need to put your training first. We'll work something out with your brother's race, but for now, you need to focus on getting to base." He gives her the details of where to go and when, and then hangs up the phone.

Emily feels a mixture of shock, fear, and guilt wash over her. She glances over at Charles, who is watching her with a concerned expression. "I've got to go, Charles," she says, her voice barely audible. "The army's sending me into deployment." She takes a deep breath and tries to steady her racing heart.

Charles's face falls, and he steps forward to wrap an arm around her shoulders. "It's alright, Em. We'll get through this together. You're not going alone." He pauses, looking at her seriously. "I'll race for both of us now. I promise."

Emily looks up at him, tears welling in her eyes. She knows he's right; they've always been there for each other. "Thank you, Charles. I love you." She returns his hug, feeling the familiar weight of his arm across her shoulders.

Together, they walk back to their pit area, the sound of their footsteps echoing through the empty space. Emily can't help but feel a sense of loss, not just for herself, but for Charles as well. She knows that this will change everything for them.

As they approach their cars, they see their mom and siblings waiting for them, concern etched on their faces. Emily's older brother puts his arm around their mother's shoulders, offering what little comfort he can. Charles's mother reaches out to him, her hand trembling as she wipes away a tear.

The two of them get into their cars, Charles taking the lead as they pull out of the parking lot. Emily looks over at him, noticing the determination in his eyes as he focuses on the road ahead. She can tell that he's not just racing for himself anymore; he's racing for her too.

Their mother and siblings follow close behind, their mother's tears silent but steady as she watches her two children drive away. Emily's brother drives a bit more slowly, occasionally glancing into the rearview mirror to check on his sister.

The race track stretches out before them, the sun dipping lower in the sky, casting long shadows across the track. Charles takes a deep breath and focuses on the task at hand. He shifts gears, pressing his foot harder against the accelerator as he speeds up, his car whipping around the turns with precision. Emily watches him from the passenger seat, a mixture of awe and pride filling her heart.

In the car behind them, their siblings talk quietly among themselves, trying to distract their mother from the tension of the moment. They know that this race is more than just a race for Charles; it's a way for him to honor his sister's sacrifice and to show the world what they can achieve together.

Their mother, though quiet, is fiercely proud of both of her children. She wipes her eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to maintain her composure. She remembers the day Emily left for basic training, how proud she was to see her daughter stand tall and strong. And now, she watches Charles race with the same mix of awe and pride.

and now she has to watch her only daughter be shipped out again and prays she make to back home safe.

Emily leans forward in her seat, her knuckles white as she grips the dashboard. She can feel the tension in her body, the adrenaline coursing through her veins. She's not the one driving, but she feels like she is. Every move Charles makes, every decision he makes behind the wheel, feels personal to her. She can't help but wonder if this is how he feels when he's on the track with her.

Their mother glances up at the sky, watching the shadows grow longer. She wonders if Emily is thinking of her at this moment, if she can see the sky the same way. Perhaps they're both looking up at the same stars, hoping that one day they'll be able to watch Charles race together again.

Charles speeds past the finish line, his car screeching to a halt as he crosses it. He jumps out of the car, his heart racing and his lungs burning. His eyes dart around, searching for his family in the stands. their brothers are already there, clapping and cheering, their mother close behind. They spot Charles and their faces light up, relief and pride washing over them.

Emily watches from the pit area, her heart in her throat. She knows Charles did his best, and that's all she could have ever asked for. As he waves to them, she waves back, feeling a sense of accomplishment and love wash over her. Their mother stands up, wiping away a tear, and gestures for them to join her. They hurry over, their siblings forming a protective circle around them.

Their mother takes Emily's hand in hers, her grip firm and reassuring. "I'm so proud of both of you," she says, her voice cracking. "You did her proud, Charles. And you, Emily, you've been his strength when he needed it most. You've both shown such courage and resilience."

Charles squeezes his sister's shoulder, feeling the weight of their mother's words. "Thanks, Mom. And Em, you have no idea how much I appreciate everything you've done. You've been my rock, my inspiration. I couldn't have done it without you."

emily wipes her eyes as she pulls her mother and brothers in a hug.

" now lets get out of here and grab some dinner before i have to report back to base"

Their mother smiles through her tears, nodding in agreement. "Of course. We'll celebrate tonight, just like you wanted." She turns to her oldest son. "Arthur , why don't you and Emily go with Charles to pick up some food? We'll head straight home and get everything ready?."

Arthur nods, stepping forward. "Sounds good, Mom. We'll be back in a jiffy." He turns to Emily, offering her his arm. "Shall we?" They begin to walk towards Charles' car, a light breeze rustling through the trees behind them.

Charles pulls up to a local food truck park, parking his car between two brightly colored vehicles. The aroma of various cuisines fills the air, making their stomachs rumble in anticipation. "So, Em, what do you feel like getting?" he asks, trying to keep the excitement out of his voice.

Emily shrugs, her mind already wandering to the dinner table at home with their family. "I'm not really sure. Whatever sounds good to you, I guess."

Charles nods, glancing at the menu board above the truck. "Hmm, I'm in the mood for some Mexican tonight. How does that sound? Chicken tacos, maybe some quesadillas?"

Emily smiles, feeling her stomach growl in agreement. "That sounds delicious. I'm sure Mom would love some help with the dinner too."

They step up to the window, watching as the friendly food truck owner takes their order. As they wait for the food, they lean against the car, enjoying the warm evening air. "Hey, Charles, I wanted to thank you again for letting me come with you today. I know it's not easy for you, being away from everything and everyone back home."

Charles shrugs, trying to downplay his emotions. "Hey, it's fine. I'm glad you're here. I'd rather have you by my side than anyone else. Besides, it helps me remember what I'm fighting for." He pauses, looking at Emily seriously.

Their food arrives, they grab it and start driving home.

"I'm sure you'll make a great soldier when you're back in the field," Enzo says, taking a bite of his quesadilla. "I mean, you're already so strong and brave. And I know Dad is so proud of you and remember he is always watching you em"

Emily feels a lump in her throat as she listens to Enzo. She knows he's right; their father is always watching over them, and she wants to make him proud. She takes a bite of her taco, savoring the flavors and the warmth it brings to her insides. As they continue to eat, she can't help but feel a sense of pride and love for her family. They've been through so much together, and she knows they'll always be there for each other.

as soon as they finish their dinner Emily stands up from the table

and hugs her mother and brothers tightly before leaving to go back to base. she kisses her mother on the cheek and tells her that she loves her. she walks with Charles to his car and they drive off in silence. as they pull up to the gate, Charles turns to Emily and says, "you know, em, you're not just my sister. you're my best friend. and i want you to know that I'm always here for you, no matter what. if you ever need someone to talk to, or just want to hang out, you know where to find me." Emily smiles at him through her tears and says, "thank you, Charles. i feel the same way about you. and I'm always here for you, too. little brother. take care of everyone for me ok, and make sure to take care of your self too alright?"

He nods, unable to speak past the lump in his throat. They get out of the car and hug tightly once more before Charles heads back to his car. Emily watches him go, wiping away the tears that fall silently down her cheeks. Even though they're apart now, she knows that they'll always be connected.

As she walks towards the base, she can't help but feel a sense of determination growing inside her. She's going to make it through this, for her family, for Charles, and for their father who is always watching over them. She takes a deep breath, squaring her shoulders, and marches forward with renewed purpose.

Emily arrives at her barracks, dropping her duffel bag onto her bunk with a sigh. The familiar sounds of soldiers going about their duties fill the air, but she hardly notices them as she lies down on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. .

The days blur together in a haze of training exercises and long nights. Emily throws herself into her work, determined to prove herself as a soldier and make her father proud. But even as she pushes herself to the limit, she can't shake the feeling that she's missing something important. Something that was once a constant presence in her life.

She tries to stay in touch with Charles as much as possible, sending him letters and care packages whenever she can. In return, he sends her stories about their mother and brothers back home, about their father's garden and the new puppy they've adopted. Their conversations are brief but filled with love and support.

soon Emily is off to Iraq to start her tour.

The days in Iraq are long and brutal. The heat is relentless, and the dust seems to get into everything. Emily spends most of her time patrolling the streets, keeping an eye out for danger. At night, she huddles in her tent, trying to sleep amidst the constant hum of generators and the occasional gunfire.

She finds solace in the letters from Charles and her family back home. Their words are a lifeline, reminding her of the love and support that she has waiting for her when this is all over. In one particularly heartfelt letter, Charles tells her about a time when they were kids and they would go fishing with their father. They would spend hours by the riverbank, laughing and telling stories, and their father would always cook up their catch for dinner. Reading this, Emily feels a pang of longing for those simpler times.

As the weeks turn into months, Emily begins to see the impact of her service on those around her. She meets soldiers who have been through multiple tours, their eyes haunted by the memories of what they've seen and done. She tries to be strong for them, to be the steady presence that they can rely on, but sometimes she feels so young and inexperienced. She wishes she could talk to her father about it, but she knows he's not here anymore.

One day, as she's sitting in the makeshift chapel, writing a letter to Charles, she notices a familiar face in the corner. It's Sergeant Johnson, the veteran who has been giving her extra training. Something in his eyes tells her that he understands what she's going through, and without a word, he comes over and sits beside her. They sit in silence for a while, listening to the chaplain's voice as he reads from a worn book. Finally, Emily musters the courage to speak.

"Sergeant Johnson," she begins, "I don't know why you're even talking to me. I'm just a rookie, and I don't know half of what you've been through." He looks at her kindly, his eyes creased at the corners from a lifetime of smiling and frowning.

"Ah, Emily, you're not a rookie. You've been here, through this, just as much as anyone else. You're just new to it. And that's the important thing. You're here now, you're doing your job, and you're making a difference. You don't need to have been through ten tours to know that." He pauses, looking out the window at the dusty, barren landscape beyond. "Look, Emily, I've seen a lot of people come and go through here. Some of them…they just couldn't handle it. They couldn't find their footing. But you're different. You're strong. You've got a good head on your shoulders. and you have lead many tour to successes "

" So and with that me and the board have seen all the hard work and dedication you have put after each and every tour that we have decided to announce you as first lieutenant"

"Wait, what?!" Emily exclaims, her eyes widening in surprise. "But I'm not even halfway through my tour!"

Sergeant Johnson chuckles. "Ah, you're a quick learner, that's for sure. But you've earned it, Emily. You've earned it ten times over. And I can't think of anyone I'd rather have by my side as my second-in-command." He puts a hand on her shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Now, let's go tell the others. They're going to be just as pleased as I am."

As they walk back to their base, Emily feels a strange mix of emotions coursing through her. Excitement, of course, but also a deep sense of responsibility. She knows that she still has a long way to go, and that there are countless challenges yet to face. But with Sergeant Johnson's guidance and the support of her new family here in the army, she knows that she can make it through.

The news of her promotion spreads like wildfire through the base, and the looks of surprise and admiration on her fellow soldiers' faces are enough to make her heart swell with pride. She spends the rest of the day sharing stories and laughter with them, feeling more a part of this unit than she ever thought possible.

Emily is quick to write a letter to her family telling them of her promotion and how she is doing.

As the days turn into weeks, Emily finds herself growing more comfortable in her new role as first lieutenant. She spends countless hours planning missions and training exercises, pouring her heart and soul into making sure that her soldiers are prepared for anything they might face. Her father's words echo in her mind: "A good leader isn't born, Emily. They're made." And so, she strives to be the best leader she can be, learning from her mistakes and always seeking the counsel of Sergeant Johnson when she needs it.

The landscape around them slowly begins to change as the seasons pass. The once barren earth turns green with life, and the skies grow heavy with the promise of rain. Even in the midst of war, there is beauty to be found, and Emily takes solace in the small moments of peace that these changes bring. She finds herself thinking more and more about her family back home, and the day when she'll finally be able to return to them.

anyone a part two maybe????

[dre6ming]

The delicate beginning rush

Chapter XIII- some things are meant to be

Masterlist <chapters 1->12 here>

Instagram photo dump masterlist

Imagines Masterlist

If you want to be tagged click HERE

Pairing: Austin Butler x singer/actress fem reader

Warning: age gap (10 years), cursing, smut, mature content, fingering, fluff, angst…

Plot: you surprise Austin with a live performance at the premiere of Elvis, the entire time thinking only how unfair it is that you have to keep everything a secret.

Word count: 6300

Disclaimer: everything fake

"How much longer?" I ask from the back seat, fighting the urge to bite my nails, wiping my sweaty palms against the material of my black pants. "Not much longer miss." Matthew says, mumbling some gibberish into his station, communicating with the other security guards. I look through the tinted windows at the flashing lights of cameras trying to snap photos of everyone. To keep myself occupied, I pull out my phone, pictures form the red carpet immediately popping on my feed. My smile is like I won a contest seeing Austin, dressed so handsome in a black suit with just one pop of color, a purple star flower attached to his pocket, he told me to look out for a surprise on the red carpet. The small detail is barely noticeable, but it means a lot to me, especially since I can't be there with him.

The past months together have been amazing, we've now been hiding form the public eye for 5 months and even though most of that time was spent over FaceTime, due to work, it still has been the happiest time for me. Timothee keeps asking what's got me in such a good mood for the past months, but I can't bring myself to tell him just yet, the only person who knows is Matt. I'd lie to say that I don't like the secrecy a bit, it's like we have our own little bubble no one ca touch. There have been the occasional rumors and some pictures to back them, but ultimately that's all they were, rumors, no actual photos of us together made it to the press, after the last ones back in February.

I stumble upon so videos from the carpet as well, which only add to my enjoyment, until my eyes land on Austin's trembling hands. My poor baby, he's been telling me how nervous he actually is about the possibility of people hating the movie and the fact that this will be the first time he's going to see it, only adds to his anxiety. Baz asked him a few times to watch the movie before the premiere, but Austin insisted he wants his reaction to be 100% true, it wasn't until 2 days before the festival that the realization that he might hate it, hit him. If you ask me all his worries are nonsense, I've seen the trailers as well as the scene Baz sent me with my cover playing over, the movie looks amazing at a first glance.

Somehow I managed to keep my presence here, in Cannes, a secret form Austin, there were moments when talking to him, when his nervousness and anxiety for the event almost had me spilling the beans. I'm in the car parked somewhere in the back, waiting for my sign to go out to make into the theater, where I'm sat all the way in the back. At the end of the screening I'll do a surprise performance of my cover, just me and a piano in front of everyone.

I decide texting Austin could help the both of us, so I open our conversation, quickly typing a message. 

Me:

⇰ Hey baby, you nervous?

Austin💜🧶:

⇰ Yeah I wish you were here

Me:

⇰ Me too baby

Austin💜🧶:

⇰ What are you doing up this late?

⇰ Isn't it like 3am in NYC?

I playfully roll my eyes at his text, he always worries about me not getting enough rest, which I know it's my fault since I've told him all about my insomnia. It's these small acts that get my heart skipping for him. Plus to be fair some sleep sounds amazing, I flew here straight from wrapping up filming, he of course thought I flew back home to New York, but I'm just a few feet away from him at the Cannes Film Festival, hiding in the shadows.

Me:

⇰ I can't sleep, I've been walking around the apartment all night

Austin💜🧶:

⇰ Everything ok?

Me:

⇰ Dw about it, it's your moment, not mine

Austin💜🧶:

⇰ Baby I always worry

Me:

⇰ I know

⇰ I'll be sure to watch you on tv

Austin💜🧶:

⇰ What if people hate it?

⇰ I've never seen it before

⇰ Maybe I should've when Baz asked

⇰ At least that way I'd know to expect people boo-ing me

Me:

⇰ Austin that's absurd, you've worked very hard and so did everyone else

⇰I'm sure the movie will be amazing

⇰and Priscilla and Lisa will love it, as will the world

Austin💜🧶:

⇰I'm just so nervous

⇰I've never been to something this important

Me:

⇰neither have I

⇰besides the Oscars

⇰I'm sure it's not that bad

⇰plus you have your dad w/ u

Austin💜🧶:

⇰yeah

⇰I still wish you were here

Me:

⇰I know

⇰hey

⇰will you do something for me?

Austin💜🧶:

⇰anything

Me:

⇰I'll be watching the red carpet on tv, shoot me a smile, will ya?

Austin💜🧶:

⇰I'll give you my biggest smile baby

Me:

⇰💜

Austin💜🧶:

⇰my darling

My heart races in my chest looking at those two words on my screen. I close the message app and open the instagram live for the festival, seeing Austin make his way back on the carpet with Baz and Olivia and the rest of the cast. One of the cameras zooms in on his face and he smiles brightly, then he does something I didn't expect, his lips move like his speaking to the camera. He's said those words to me so many times that I know exactly how his lips look articulating the words. "My darling" he mouths over and over again, then blows a kiss to the camera, waving.

"Ready miss, let's move!" Matt gets out of the car quickly coming to my side and opening my door. I put my sunglasses and cap on, walking fast with my head down. We have to be careful not to get caught by the press or anyone else, hence why I'm wearing an all black sweat suit to a huge premiere for one of the biggest films of the year. I'll be sat in the back of the theater and then right before the end I'll have to go change into my beautiful gown. Once again I worked with teuta matoshi to create a beautiful gown inspired by my favorite Elvis Presley jump suit, the dark blue one with silver sequence called the lucky suit form his 1972 concert. The floor length dress looks amazing, with a heart shaped neckline and silver stars decorating the dark blue fabric. Teuta even took it a step further to make me a set of matching gloves.

"Right this way!" Matt screams pushing me gently through the back door, looking back to make sure we are not being seen. I hurry inside, careful not to trip. Once I'm inside, I take a moment to look around, seeing Baz immediately and smiling at him.

"Miss (y/n), I wanted to say thank you one more time and wish you the best, since I probably won't be able too before you have to go on stage." Baz comes smiling with his arms wide open. I slide in his embrace and squeeze him tight. "I'm so nervous" I admit, as he pulls back. Carefully he takes the cap off my head, putting back in place some pieces of hair. "I know sweets, but I'm sure you'll be extraordinary." He smiles softly, looking me up and down, then lifts my right hand up to look at my wrist, where the bracelet from Priscilla sits. Baz walks his fingers over the precious metal, then looks me in the eyes. "Why don't you wait here a moment, I know I said this will be our secret that you are here, but I really think you need this."

He drops my hand, turning around walking away, my heart pounds in my chest, hitting against my breast bone like it wants to jump out. In my head there's a thousand possibilities of where Baz might have run off to. I sit there in the back of the big theater, looking over everything, people getting seated, sharing hugs and greetings. My eyes absentmindedly look for Austin and a smile sets on my face when I spot his blond head, walking through the mass of people, towards his seat. Of how I wish I could just run over to him and kiss him, tell him how proud I am.

"(Y/n) my darling girl, how could you keep such a secret from me." My eyes snap to Priscilla, walking towards me, with her arms extended to hug me. "Miss Presley-" "I told you time and time again, it's just Priscilla" she squeezes me one more time, before finally letting go. "You look so beautiful." She takes my face in her hands, looking at my simple makeup, I have some blue eyeshadow with silver sequence stars stuck on with lash glue. I feel myself blushing and the way she handles my face, angling it to get a better look at my makeup, reminds me of how my mom used to do it. For the first time in so long I feel this hole reopen in my chest. "What's wrong?" I blink quickly trying to hold back tears. "I just miss my mom, I think I wish she was here." I whisper, the lump in my throat making it hard to talk. Her eyes droop and she suddenly seems sad for me, bringing me back in for a hug. "I'm so sorry (y/n). I'm sure she would be happy for you, maybe you can call her after".

Back in March when I recorded the cover for the movie, she and I met for dinner and I told her all about my parents, it felt like opening up to another mother figure, talking to her. "I'll try." I say breaking a smile. "Now, Baz said you're nervous to go on stage. I remember back when I used to sit backstage with Elvis, he must of been doing his 100th and something show, but still he would be shaking in his pants like a little boy every time before he went on stage. Then the curtain would open and he would morph into this star, shining bright, the same will happen to you. I can't wait to see you." If I was fighting back a few tears before, now I'm fighting a whole river. She brings me in for another hug, then kisses the top of my head, whispering "good luck".

I walk with Matt and find our seats, getting comfortable and ready to watch the movie. All the encouragement from Priscilla and Baz sure helped, my nerves, which are seemingly nowhere near what they were. "I'm sure you'll be amazing." Matt whispers in my ear, right as the room goes dark and the movie starts.

The first time seeing Austin on the screen has me breathing a little heavy and I fight everything in me, not to pick up my phone and text him about how beautiful he looks. The way his hips sway with the music, all those little Elvis things he does, you can see how much work he's put into this project. Austin deserves everything big that's coming his way.

I tense in my seat with the next scene, him in his military uniform, on the floor, talking with Priscilla, played by Olivia. As he gets up from the floor, he goes over to the record player, putting on a vinyl to play. Suddenly the whole theater rings with my voice singing "can't help falling in love" . I'm struggling to keep from crying and fail, when I feel a single tear slide down my cheek. "There you go miss." Matt hands me a tissue, which I accept thanking him. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket, so even though I'm not supposed to, I take it out to see what the notification is.

Austin💜🧶:

⇰I'd recognize that voice anywhere

⇰it sounded angelic

⇰I have tears in my eyes, baby, how I wish you were here

⇰I know I'm not supposed to be texting during the movie

⇰I just had to tell you how much I loved that

I want to start sobbing, ugly crying right here. There's no explaining how much his words mean. I restrain myself from replying, but quickly take a screenshot of the messages to keep forever.

The rest of the movie is so beautiful and I'm so absorbed in the story that I barely notice Matt shaking my shoulders. "Come on miss, we need to go in the back so you can get changed." I nod and gather my things, following him through the dark. He pushes through a few doors and finally we get into a room where my stylists wait for me to fix my makeup and hair. I can hear the credits of the movie playing as I squeeze into the dress, someone lacing up the corset, while someone else dabs some more glitter to my cheeks. Then there's silence and like on cue, everyone in the room freezes, holding their breath for the audiences reaction. The silence beaks with clapping hands and my team goes back to work.

I don't know for how long the clapping ovation lasted, I think I heard someone say 12 minutes, the longest in the festival's history. "You've got this!" Levis, who joined me halfway through getting ready, says. Holding my chin up, I walk to the piano, sitting down, feeling the cold keys under the pads of my fingers. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, pushing the piano keys. Then in the darkness of the theater a huge light shines on me, bringing me into the view of the audience.

"Wise men say, only fools rush in.."

I'm yet too scared to look at the people I'm performing for, but I hear soft gasping coming form them.

"But I can't help falling in love with you.."

I gather all my courage and spare a glance towards the chairs of people. They are hidden in the dark and only a few figures form the very first rows are visible to me.

"Like a river flows, surly to the sea, darling so it goes. Some things are meant to be.."

My eyes keep searching, hoping to see him, praying to see him. My heart flutters in my chest, but I keep my voice steady, singing softly.

"Take my hand, take my whole life too.."

Then I see him, he stands up, everyone is sat down watching me, but he stands up. Austin smiles at me, wiping tears from his glimmering blue eyes.

"For I can't help falling in love with you.."

My voice cracks as tears start flowing, but I can't take my eyes off of him. We're both crying, looking into each other's eyes. It's like we are the only people in this crowded space, just me and him. And something in my heart becomes so clear, it's because I'm dedicating the song to him. Because I couldn't help but fall in love with him, because now I'm irrevocably and utterly in love with him.

"For I can't help, falling in love with you..."

As I sing the final note, the whole room comes to life, every single person stands up clapping. My feet burn in my shoes against the soft carpet, willing me to move, to run up to him, but I can't, because of all the cameras here. I stand up from the piano, smiling and waving at everyone, prepared to walk away back to my prep room, so I can fix my makeup, for the picture I'm going to have to take. But before I go I spare one last glance at the audience and widen my eyes when I see him. Austin making his way through the people standing and clapping. He's coming my way, looking straight ahead like I'm the only thing he can see. Slowly I start taking small steps in his direction, holding up my dress, careful not to step on it and fall on my face. We meet halfway and his arms reach out to me, but I keep clutching my dress, begging him with my eyes not to do something we will both feel the consequences of.

"I-" I open my mouth to speak.

"(Y/n) oh my, I have goosebumps all over, that was so beautiful, congratulations." Baz cuts me off, placing a hand on my shoulder, pulling me in for a hug, which a reciprocate, looking at Austin over his shoulder. Austin looks frozen, his eyes staring at the ground, hands now resting in his pockets. "Thank you, Baz, it means a lot." I smile, sniffing, still feeling like crying.

"Here you go, honey, a beautiful performance, Elvis would be happy to see his legacy carried this way." Priscilla hands me a tissue and I thank her, using it to wipe some of my tears away. "Smile!" A photographer shouts and all 4 of us pose for the picture. I somehow land on Austin's left and he puts his hand on my waist, inching me closer to his frame. I try to ignore the feelings bubbling in the pit of my stomach, smiling for the camera, prying my makeup doesn't look too bad.

"Miss, one picture over at the piano please, Mr Butler, join her at the piano please." I hold my dress up, walking over to the white piano, a replica of the one Elvis had in Graceland. I sit down on the bench and try to collect all my dress together. "Here" Austin helps, pushing some of the fabric out of the way, sitting down next to me. My pulse is already at high levels because of performing, but him so close, has my pulse flying through the roof. Then his hand goes under the slit of my dress to rest on my knee, under the piano, I'm sure no one can see it, but the breath hitches in my throat and I don't miss the way the corner of his mouth twitches up, at my reaction. Austin's hand stays there for the entirety of the time we spend taking photos at the piano, not moving, not even when Baz, Lisa, Priscilla, Olivia and Tom Hanks joined us for a group picture.

When all that fuss is over, I'm looking through the crowd to spot Matt and have him take me out of here. I want so badly to stay, but I'm scared that if I will, I'll find myself in a very difficult situation, where either me or Austin will take a wrong step and it will ultimately be a PR nightmare. "(Y/n)" I turn around, seeing Kaia standing in front of me, looking gorgeous in a red dress. I feign my best smile, I have nothing against her, but still I have to watch her kiss my boyfriend and call him hers in front of everyone, so you can expect me not to be on my best behavior with her. "You look so beautiful tonight, Austin said you weren't coming, I'm glad you did though."

"I'm not going to stay, after parties aren't my thing really and I'm just-" I start making excuses for myself. "Alex is here, I brought him." She quickly lets out, confessing her small secret. "And how do you..?" How do you fake loving someone, when your real partner is here, is what I want to say, but I don't. Kaia sighs, tapping her foot against the carpeted floor, sadness reading all over her face. "It's difficult, just before we walked on the carpet I was talking to him and I was feeling so bad, all I wanted to do was drag him out on that carpet and kiss him. I know you must feel the same." She says referring to her real boyfriend. It's so frustrating that we have to sit here, have this conversation and talk in code, because of everyone's agenda. "I wanted this to be a surprise for Austin, but I'm scared to go up to him and talk to him, I'm scared a look could do too much damage." I admit, swallowing hard. She looks at me understanding, coming in for a hug. I hold her tight, looking over her shoulder at Austin. He's shaking hands and talking to people and then his eyes find mine and once again it's this energy connecting us. "I think I should go talk to him. Thank you Kaia, you look beautiful tonight, by the way" she nods, stepping away so I could walk up to him.

"Austin..." he smiles looking at me, with heels on I'm tall enough that he doesn't have to look down on me, but his eyes still wonder over my frame, drinking me in. "You're so beautiful, can I hug you?" Austin asks, moving his weight from one foot to the other. I scan the room, no one seems to pay us any mind and it would be just a friendly hug, right? "Thank you, I- do you think we could?" I whisper leaning forward. Confusion passes his features, but then he must come back to reality, realizing where we are and why I'm asking. "I think it's just a hug.." Austin shrugs his shoulders, trying not to look disappointed. "Ok." He couldn't wrap his arms around me faster, lifting me off the ground, hiding his face in my neck, not a friendly hug. I stiffen in his embrace, grabbing his suit jacket, turning my head to whisper in his ear. "Too much Austin, people will see." I warn.

"Let them, I couldn't give a fuck" he grunts, tightening his grip on me, making it a bit hard to breathe. "Aus, baby please, not now, not like this, you just had the longest standing ovation in the festival's history, don't ruin your moment." I reason with him, frantically looking around, making sure there's still no one looking at us, or at least taking a picture. His arms start to loosen and my feet carefully touch the floor again. With a sigh, Austin drops his arms and let's me go, I'd lie to say it doesn't somehow physically hurt to let him go. Looking at me, he does his usual sexy lip biting trick, making my knees buckle. "Are you coming to the after party?" He's keeping our conversation short and to the point.

"No, I'm tired, I flew here from Canada, we wrapped filming yesterday." I explain, not missing the worry showing in his eyes. "Where are you staying?" Austin questions, but his voice is barely a whisper. I smile wickedly at him, wiggling my brows, causing him to crack a smile and a little laugh. "Have fun at the party!" I pat his bicep and turn around, walking away, with my chin up, excited about getting to the hotel, the same hotel he's staying at, in the room right next to him. I had his room number from him and I insisted that I get the one right next to him.

"Ready, for some interviews?" Brianna, my publicist asks, pushing me in the direction of cameras. "Ready as ever." I say, trying to sound a bit excited, which I'm far from, but still, it's for the show of it all. So with a huge smile on my face, I make my way to a few reporters, answering their questions.

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

It's two hours later that I find myself, crying, while a girl from wardrobe unties the tight corset of my dress. There's no actual reason for my crying, just exhaustion. "Ok miss, I'm gonna take it off now." The girl lets me know, as another rushes to me with a robe to cover me up. All the adrenaline in my body drained so now my body is just failing, all muscles ache, my bones feel silly in my body, my head is pounding. I dress myself in some leggings and a huge t-shirt, then wash my face one more time, knowing full well I won't have the power to do it at the hotel, so I'm trying to be as rigorous as possible. My legs wobble when I walk, so Matt decides it's better he carries me to the car, where I now wait. For what I'm waiting? I don't know. Cause Matt is in his seat behind the wheel and I'm in the back, with my knees to my chest, ready as ever to go to the hotel and sleep.

"Matt why aren't we going?" I groan, putting my head between my knees, prying that the ibruprofen I took will calm my headache soon. When he doesn't answer I look at him, meeting his eyes in the rear view mirror. He's smiling and just as I prepare to ask him one more time, the door on my left opens. A startled squeak escapes me, as Austin slides in the back seat next to me.

"Aus." I jump on him and he grunts because of the force at which my body hit his. "Baby, you ok?" I nod as he runs a hand up and down my back. Inhaling his amazing scent, I relax, closing my eyes as a relieved sigh leaves my lips. "Just tired." I mumble, further rubbing my face against his shoulder, holding him as tight as my tiered muscles will allow. "Go sleep, I'll be there soon..." he whispers against my hair.

"Can I go to your room? I bet your sheets smell like you." I mumble, making him giggle softly. "Sure, (y/n), I'll have my assistant call the front desk and tell them to give a key to Matt. I swear all I want is to go cuddle with you, but I have to at least show up to this party." I can hear the frustration in his voice and it annoys me a bit, because he just had the most amazing thing happen to him, his work being shown to the world and it being appreciated. "Austin baby, you need to go and have a good time, I'll be there waiting, please enjoy this, you just wrote history baby." I pull back and take his face in my hands, smoothing the pads of my thumbs over his sculpted cheeks. "You made so many people proud, Elvis being one of them, I'm sure of that, please honey, go and have this moment, I'll be at the hotel when you get back and we can cuddle all you want." I lean in and kiss the tip of his nose, but he tilts his head back, catching my lips with his, kissing me softly.

Austin grabs my hips with his hands, pulling me onto his lap, never once breaking our lips apart. I'm the one to finally lean back and take a moment to breathe, looking at him. He has a smug smile on his face and his blue eyes are glossy, shining in the darkness inside the car. "Go my rockstar, I'll be there when you're done!" I touch our foreheads together, breathing in deep, before I crawl out of his lap, back onto the seat. "Ok, baby!" He puts a hand on my head, leaning to kiss the top of my hair.

Before getting out of the car, Austin pats Matt on the shoulder. "Drive my girl safe, ok?" Matt turns around, shaking Austin's hand, smiling. "Of course sir, have a great time, if you need a ride, you can call me." Matt assures. "Thanks man!" With one last kiss to my cheek, Austin opens the door and gets out of the car.

"Thank you Matt!" I sigh, closing my eyes exhausted. A little chuckle leaves Matt's lips as he turns the car on and starts driving. "He's a good man miss!" He tells me, making me smile faintly. "Doesn't mean I won't beat his ass if he dares make you shed a tear, ok miss?" Hearing how serious he is, makes my heart leap with joy, he's really taken on the paternal figure these past months and it somehow made the pain of my dad ignoring me, less obvious. "I love you Matt, thanks for being here." I whisper, holding back tears. "I know, (y/n), I love you too, you're like a daughter to me, sweets. Now sleep, I'll wake you when we get to the hotel." I nod, mumbling a "thank you" that I don't think he hears and I let my body fully shut off, mind going blank as sleep takes over me.

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

Something softly shakes me and for a moment I believe it's the car moving, but then a hand caresses my face and coming back to the surface of consciousness I also start hearing the faint voice calling my name. "Come on miss, I've let you sleep as much as I could, but I think you'd feel better sleeping in bed." Matt says, as I rub the sleep from my eyes, trying to focus back on the world around me. "Thank you Matt." Dragging my body out of the car with some effort, I walk to the elevator in the parking lot. I slump against the elevator wall, playing with my hair, looking at the buttons lighting up with each floor we pass, until it reaches mine. As we make our way out of the elevator, Matt walks me to the door of Austin's room, handing me the key card smiling. "While you slept in the car for an extra minute, I moved all your belongings to Mr Butler's room, have a good night miss." I thank him once again and he turns on his hills, walking back to the elevator to go to his room.

Sliding the keycard in the door it opens with a click. I make my way in, taking a deep breath, getting a faint whiff of Austin's cologne. Putting all my things away and plugging my phone in, I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Coming back, I take liberty to look through Austin's bag, until I find a navy long sleeve shirt, quickly taking my own clothes off and putting it on, enjoying the way it seems to swallow me whole. Getting in the bed and under the covers, I rub my face into the pillow, smelling Austin's musky and citrusy scent. Falling into a deep slumber, I pull the covers all the way up, letting dreams take over.

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

Sometime later, could be minutes, could be hours, I feel the bed dipping next to me and then a body of heat curls around me. "My sweet baby, my darling girl.." Austin kisses the back of my neck, his wet soft lips sending shivers down my spine. I turn around in his arms, wanting to bury my face in his chest. He smells like fresh soap and one of my hands wonders up to play with the hair at the nape of his head, feeling it damp, he must of taken a shower. "What time is it?" I wonder with my eyes closed, prying it's not morning and I don't have to wake up just yet.

Austin's hot breath touches my forehead as he places a tender kiss there. "I didn't mean to wake you, it's 3 am baby, go back to sleep." I try to pull him closer by his shit, only his not wearing one, but he figures what I need and pulls me tighter towards him, glueing me to his flaming skin. The soft hairs of his chest, tickle my nose and I angle my head up, hiding my face in the crook of his neck, loving the way it fits there, like a puzzle piece. His hands caress my back up and down, running over the soft fabric of his shirt, that I'm wearing. "Kiss me." I request, making him chuckle, one of his hands coming up to hold my chin and bring my face closer to his. Our lips touch and it's electricity flowing through my entire body, awakening every cell and heightening every sensation. We both sigh into the kiss, having missed each other's touch for far too long. His thumb traces the line of my jaw, his hand tangling in my hair, deepening the kiss. I taste the toothpaste on his mouth and when his tongue teases my bottom lip, I open my mouth to him, giving him full control, finally tasting some strong liquor lingering on his tongue.

I pull him in, quivering in his arms, moaning against his mouth. The hand that was tangled in my hair, runs down my body, following every curve and finally settling on my hip. Austin gives my hip a tight squeeze and I whimper, pulling back to catch my breath. I dare to open my eyes and look at him. He's more beautiful than I can describe, the moonlight lighting some of his features and darkening others. Austin wets his lips, biting his bottom one, looking at me with drowsy eyes. "Let's sleep, hm?" He says, nudging my cheek with his nose, kissing it after. I giggle and turn around in his arms, letting him be the big spoon.

Sighing, he pulls me flush to him, kissing my neck. I try to stay as still as possible, holding my breath in hopes of getting my heart to slow down so I could fall back asleep. "Breathe, (y/n), breathe" Austin whispers, spreading his fingers over my belly. "I can't fall back asleep" I say breathless. He hums against my shoulder, kissing the exposed skin there. "Want me to help, baby?" His voice low, as his lips still kiss my neck, causing heat to form in between my legs. "Yes." I moan, reaching a hand behind me to brush through his hair, pulling at the roots.

Austin groans, the vibrations of his chest resonating through me, going straight to my crotch. "Can I touch you?" Austin asks, his fingers working on pulling the shirt I was wearing up, to reveal my underwear. "Please." I throw my head back, giving him more room to kiss and lick at my soft skin. His fingers play with the hem of my panties, making me rub my thighs together, needing some kind of friction against my aching pussy.

Austin dips his long sleek fingers under my underwear, taking a second to play with the hair there, before finally making it in between my lips. He spreads me open, feeling how wet I am for him. "Fuck baby, so wet for me, (y/n)." He moans my name, biting my ear lobe, as he starts tracing circles over my clit. "Austin.." a sigh leaves my lips as I feel his other hand sneak under me on a mission to get a feel of my chest. His big hand squeezes my breast through the shirt, the roughness of the fabric against my hard sensitive nipple, feeling amazing, causing more sleek to gather into my now ruined underwear. "Shit honey, all this for me?" Austin asks, moving his fingers down to my aching hole, feeling the new arousal seeping out of me.

"You, just you!" I move my hips against his hand, needing him to give me the sweet relief I need. Feeling him smile against my shoulder, I tremble in his arms, begging for him to go back to rubbing my clit. "Baby, can I put a finger in? I.." he's breathing heavy, obviously as lost in pleasure just as much as I am. "I won't if you say no, I'll make you feel good anyway." His voice sounds heavenly, stimulating my thoughts.

I feel my heart pounding against my ribs and his finger circling my entrance has me completely at a loss of words. "Baby?" Austin asks seeing as I have yet to answer him. "Please, Austin, please." I pull at his hair with one hand, my other hand going over his one hand, that's kneading my breast and he growls in my ear. His finger slowly pushes in, the new sensation, has me arching my back, squeezing my eyes tight. A pornographic sound leaves my lips, my mouth hanging open, feeling him brush against my walls. "God so warm and wet, you're fucking perfect." Austin chants in my ear, starting to move his finger in and out of me. His thumb touches my clit, rubbing fast circles against it. I'm a moaning mess in his arms.

Austin curls his finger up, touching a spot inside me that has me seeing stars, screaming out his name. "Cum all over my fingers, (y/n), come on baby, relax." Pulling at his hair, my mouth hangs open, whimpers coming out of it, as I feel pleasure washing over me. I squeeze my legs around Austin's hand as he works me through my orgasm. "Aus, thank you!" He pulls his finger out of me, causing me to whine at the empty feeling.

My body feels heavy and suddenly I fight to hold onto my consciousness. Austin kisses my cheek, standing up from the bed and going over to the bathroom. I hear the sink running for a while and then he's back in bed, pulling me into his chest. "I think you're the best thing to ever happen to me." He says, but I'm too tired to answer, falling into the trap of sleep, feeling so warm and loved. And just as I'm about to be out for good, I feel his lips move against my hair. "I think I've fallen in love with you."

Unconditionally and irrevocably in love with her - Austin’s Pov of your performance

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[phoenix-positivity]

16 june 2024

All right so I finally feel like writing about my concert experience, a.k.a. one of the best days I've got to experience in a while.

I had prepared very long for this concert. I really had been dedicating all my time outside of work towards this. I had put together an outfit carefully and made things for it. I made each member bracelets matching their solo albums (which I got to gift them during the fansign) and I made a bracelet for myself with all the solo album colours combined. And I spent a lot of time making bead embroidered earrings. (Pictures of those will be at the end of this)

It was an hour drive to the venue but I didn't want to miss out on anything so I left home many hours before any of the events were starting. One of my favourite chain lunch restaurants happened to be next to the garage I was gonna leave my car at. In the lunch place I spotted more people who were also going to the concert and I just chatted on my phone with a friend as I waited since I was so early. The view was very nice where I was sitting. I was looking out on a river and it was a very sunny day.

Then eventually I decided to just make my way to the venue. I had tickets that would allow me to get my album signed by them. I took their debut album with me for this (dot point jump), I figured what better album to get signed than their very first album? It's also a nice plain white album so their signatures would not get lost among imagery. Upon showing my tickets I got wristbands for entry as well as a lanyard and some poster stuff.

Once I left the ticket booth I immediately got approached by other fans that complimented my earrings and we all had conversations about where we had traveled from, what age we all were, if we frequented other concerts, etc. A lot of people were there on their own so everyone seemed eager to talk with other fans and socialize. We all still had quite some time we had to wait. Although the waiting system was really great. Everyone stood in line in order of what level ticket they purchased (there was multiple tiers) and then your ticket had a number in order of how soon it was purchased after ticket sales started. Everyone stood in line really organized and made room for people who came before them. It was all really polite. Everyone had lanyards with their assigned tiers and numbers clearly visible. I had the second highest tier and was number 14.

We had to stand in line multiple times for the different planned events (fansign, group picture, the actual concert line up) so we went in and out of the venue quite a couple times to stand in line again which was a really interesting system to me. Because of this I got automatically acquainted with the people in front of me and those behind me. I like that we got to stand in line multiple times for different events because this allowed for more excitement as we got to do the different things. It allowed for the members to have a small break in between talking with fans. I think it is a lot of work for them! There is so many fans that they have to greet and stuff they have to sign, it must drain a lot of energy to put in all that social effort.

The person behind me, number 15, arrived late but just in time before the first event. I spend most of the concert talking with them. The concert itself was amazing. I barely recorded anything because I like to experience concerts in the moment with my eyes and not look through my phone screen. Luckily I found the entire concert recorded on youtube, posted by another fan. I don't want to forget what it was like. Especially at the end of the concert it was very fun because they splashed us with water and shot with waterguns, haha.

They also took all the pride flags from the audience and paraded around with them proudly (then returned them back to the fans). That's also what I really liked about this concert. Almost everyone was very obviously queer wearing pride items. It was also people of all ethnicity, ages, body sizes, fashion styles and inclusive for disabled people. The group is very supportive of the queer community. In fact I'd say that's their main message they put out there. And no, it's not queerbaiting. They openly express actual support in a culture that's very queerphobic. I'm not going to assume the sexuality or gender expressions of the members because that is none of my business. All that matters is knowing they are supportive!

Anyway, we had the opportunity to buy 'snapshots' which means you get to take a polaroid picture with one of the members of your choice. There's premium and standard options, the premium just means the polaroid is a bigger size, they are more expensive. The snapshots were all going to be taken a little bit after the concert performance had ended. I'm telling this for context for what I'm about to say. So me being number 14 and having spend time with number 15 I knew they had to leave soon after the concert to catch the last train home. The issue was they had purchased a snapshot ticket with a member but they weren't sure if they would get to still take that picture due to the time being limited. They announced that the premium pictures would be taken first. Number 15 had a standard ticket for the same member that I had purchased a premium ticket for. I offered to trade tickets so they could quickly take their picture and then go home. They were first to take a picture and left me their contact info and left. This worked out for me because I had purchased 5 standard tickets and one premium, but I'd rather have had them all the same size so they would match better. So it worked out for the both of us. I liked being able to help them out. Maybe I'll meet them at another concert again, since they also frequent kpop concerts.

The experience of getting to take the polaroid pictures was really amazing. When do you ever get the chance to get this close to the artists you admire? This group really is one of the kpop groups I'm most invested in (I like too many groups to list out here, but there's some that are more special to me than others). Some of the members noticed and complimented my earrings, which made me very happy. I thanked them in korean with a little bow. I really wanted to be as respectful as possible. I know they are just people at work and I don't want them to feel like they are objects. I don't agree with the way a lot of kpop idols get treated and criticized (or stalked) by 'fans'. I understand having admiration for someone, but I feel we must never lose sight of the fact that these people are human! They are performers and artists, but they are human. They already have to work very very hard and give up a lot of personal privileges and freedom. The group is very vocal about the love they have for interacting with their fans so this makes me feel better about getting to take pictures with them. I don't want them to feel like exploited show ponies, ha.

I really really hope they will have another concert in my country soon, I really felt sorta homesick to the experience the next day after the concert. It still brings me a lot of joy to look back on it. I hope the members rest well after having to perform this much on their tour.

[dats-poetry]

A total venting madness (Explicit)

Was just writing something.

Well, I trashed that stuff again.

To be honest I'm surprised.

I haven't trashed most of my work.

Or really just left it unfinished.

Idk it wasn't really that good.

Or if it was I didn't see a point.

Feels like the same words.

I'm just repeating over and over.

No one wants to hear another poem.

About how I've been feeling lately.

This stuff isn't even gonna pop.

And it's true I never expected it to.

And it's true it was just an outlet.

But I feel like it's still not enough.

That if I get nothing, I should quit.

I don't think this will be good.

Let me just be honest right here.

That I had so many dreams.

And lately I just trashed them.

Cause I'm not the superhero.

And it hurts when in your own story.

You end up feeling like a side character.

I was supposed to be the protagonist.

Well what stuff am I protagonizing?

A story of despair and true depression?

A story of lost love and no friendship?

A story where I always want to end it?

Look yeah I had many dreams.

I told myself I'd learn to draw.

I'd do amazing digital paintings.

Don't even talk about writing.

Cause I dreamed of novels.

But I could barely write poems.

I know she would say it's not.

And that my poems are amazing.

And whatever it is I appreciate it.

But my mind can't really be changed.

And maybe that is a lie I told me.

That's something I'm willing to accept.

It's pretty dark and dull when.

Whenever you have a dream pop up.

You just unconsciously laugh at yourself.

Maybe I'm just repeating trauma.

From those kids back at elementary.

I think that am a loser? Am I?

Please don't just brush me with hands.

Don't just tell me not to say that.

Or that no one is really a loser in life.

Cause clear as day it seems it's true.

That some people are truly losing.

And maybe the biggest loss is inside.

Yet you can't deny how she really feels.

Cause she tried to heal and couldn't.

Cause she tried everything she could.

And it's true I tried everything I could.

I gave it all my fucking will to live.

And my brain still just said "ain't enough".

I swear I could move a mountain.

I could make the greatest feat.

But that doesn't really matter.

If I'm always thinking I'm lost.

I feel like this is so wrong, wrong.

I don't like to be vulnerable.

But I want to get this out of me.

I've never felt a romantic touch.

I've never known what kissing is like.

I've never felt like I really mattered.

And this shit fucking hurts inside.

I can't pretend that it's all alright.

I did that shit and almost cut.

From all the pressure inside my lungs.

There were some nights I spent.

Wondering if I was a kind of monster.

That anybody just repels like this.

I wanted to be accepted so hard.

But I think one of the biggest problems.

Was the fact that I hate being different.

But I also hate being normal.

I can't stand being with people.

But I can't stand being alone.

In reality I do like company.

I do like to laugh with friends.

And I'd wish we could talk.

Just one on one like deep friends.

But what can I say now that.

I don't have any friends left.

The truth is that I isolated myself.

In the room that I grew big in.

Was the room I killed myself in.

When I was driving back home today.

For a moment I thought what it'd be like.

If I slowly increased the speed in the car.

And just crashed into a building like that.

Then I came back to my senses again.

Drove the rest of the way back home.

Knowing that I would regret myself.

But for a moment I felt a rush.

A total rush of excitement in knowing.

I could totally be free of my pain.

If I just kept my feet's pressure on it.

[frogsandfries]

I didn't get much done today. My sister spent the night at the home of some guy that she blocked basically as soon as she left and then slept most of the day. I worked on this for a little while in the morning, went down for a late lunch, ended up staying down there trying to work up the executive function points to fix the sink.

That was a whole fucking mess. I've decided that I am perfectly happy with calling management whenever something is wrong with my living space.

First, I couldn't get the water valve shut all the way, so it was flowing into the cabinet the whole time. I really tried everything I could think of to turn off the water. I looked everywhere to do so. Ultimately, the property manager (i.e my sister aka the homeowner) decided she didn't care and thought it was fine.

Second, the new faucet's connections were too small, so we had to go out and get an appropriate connector. We had to leave the house. With water flowing into the cabinet.

Third, we didn't have any appropriate tools, so I used my jewelry wire cutters to cut one of the copper tubes so I could get the old faucet off.

Fourth, in taking the new faucet back off the sink, for some reason, the part that was supposed to hold the actual faucet in place no longer wanted to hold the faucet. So I used silicone adhesive to help. Gaaaawwwwdddd I hope it actually works.

FIFTH!! THEN the shut off valve for hot decided to get too loose. So I had to figure out how to get that tightened back down.

And lastly, when I finally retreated to my office to get some work done, like finally trying to figure out how to YouTube, my god. Damn. Cat. Would. Not. Stop. Screaming. At. Me.

He's a fucking mess. He hates being in a room with the door closed. He didn't want to snuggle or be held or chill in the goddamn cat tree. He and I don't have the best relationship in the first place. Until we moved in with my sister's cats, I thought he and my girl, his sister, were bonded, but she hisses at him at least half as much as she hisses at everyone else, so I have no idea.

So anyway, he's not allowed to be in the office with me while I'm doing anything with thread/string or cameras. The only reason he was in here--well, two reasons--was: One, earlier today, one of my sister's cats who is perhaps overly interested in my boy but also has no fucking idea how to play nice, beat his ass just because he was in the same room as her. And two, sometimes he picks fights with my sister's other girl, her Maine coon. Although, yesterday, I let them fight under supervision and I wonder if perhaps he's figured it out with that one.

Now if only (??) my girl would fight it out with my sister's boy with whom she has beef. I wonder if some kind of brain medication might chill her the fuck out enough that the other cats can check her out and be done with it, and maybe she can finally acclimate to the house and the other cats. I honestly don't know the solution; she's a very finicky, particular cat. She's been known to fight the vet. It's just tearing me up that she's so stressed and unhappy, she's basically gone half-feral. When she's downstairs in the main living areas, she's constantly fluffed up, she growls at me when I'm petting her, I can barely pick her up. She's just......stressed out.

Seeing her so incredibly upset and stressed and unhappy is..... it's so hard. They were extremely happy and chill after we left my ex. Now she's even more unhappy than when we were living with that person..... It's really hard to see and it's even harder now knowing what to do. I can't afford a goddamn thing right now. I supposed I could just obsess over mturk until I've earned three or four hundred dollars. I don't feel right asking my sister to take her to the vet when she's got her own animals to take care of and get to the vet and she still needs to pay her deductible on her car insurance.

[megan-loves-surveys]

#44.

Have you ever had a sexually gay experience? Yep.

Do you find any of your friends hot? Not really. I love them though xD

Are your legs freshly shaven? I shaved them in the shower yesterday so fresh-ish lol.

Does your best friend wear glasses? No.

Have you ever woke up crying from a bad dream? Yes.

Who knows more about you: online friends or offline? Online probably.

Does your family own any land? No.

Who is the oldest sibling in your family? -

Are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? No, I barely see them.

When was the last time you were in a hospital? 2017.

Do you plan on losing weight any time soon? I'm losing some at the moment.

What do you think of people who get drunk every weekend? EVERY weekend? I'd side-eye them, cos that's getting closer to it being a problem for them and I'd ask if they were okay, but otherwise it's not my business.

Are you looking forward to anything? It's my birthday on Saturday - tomorrow my Mum and I are going for a big lunch and then on my actual birthday I'm going to a wrestling show yay!!! <3

What was the last bad news you heard? Dunno.

What was your GPA in high school? We don't have that thingy here.

Do you require a lot of private time? I guess?

Do you know how to play any odd instruments most people can’t play? I can't play any instruments, odd or otherwise lol.

Have you ever had a parasite before? No.

Have you ever been punched in the face before? No.

Are there regular trains in and out of your town/city? In and out? There's a few, but most of the trains are within the city itself.

Do you bathe your pets regularly? -

What was the last animal you saw, and was it a pet? It was a cat, and no it belongs to our neighbour.

Who was the last person you messaged on Facebook? Ngawari.

When was the last time you saw them? Today haha, we went to the gym and then had dinner for my birthday.

Where do you see yourself in a year? Who knows.

[TW: OVERDOSE/SUICIDE] Do you know anyone who has overdosed? No.

Where are your siblings as of now? -

Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer? Yes, one of my friends passed from ovarian cancer last year :(

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? Personally, like we're friends? No. But I do know of a few people who I've said hello to a few times and that.

When was the last time you got a shot? Covid booster a few years ago.

Have you ever been into a car accident? I've been hit by a car, so I guess so.

When was the last time you spent over $100 in one transaction? What did you buy? Prob when I got my hair done.

Are you a breakfast person? I love breakfast, but I don't actually eat it that much.

What type of books do you like to read? All sorts, but I do love fantasy.

How do you get rid of hiccups? Drink water super fast.

Do you have any healthy addictions? Hahah dunno.

Do you pay much attention to speed limits while driving? -

Which parent was more strict when you were growing up? My Mum - she was always the one who said no when I asked her if I could do something. I always asked Dad instead cos he was way more likely to say yes lol, then when Mum found out I'd just say Dad said I could xD I also would tell Dad about things that I'd never dare to tell Mum about cos I knew how she'd react lol. Like one time a friend of mine drove me and another friend home from school when he didn't have the proper license to do so - I told Dad about it the next day, he thought it was funny but I knew if I told Mum, she'd go nuts LOL. Dad even said "I wouldn't tell your mother if I was you" haha.

Have you ever watched The Golden Girls? I've watched clips on YT, it's funny.

Do you like getting dirty? Not particularly.

Are you a very flirty person? I can be.

Who was your favorite babysitter? I never had any, it's not a big thing in NZ. If someone had to watch me, it was usually my Grandma lol, and in an emergency case it would be our next door neighbour.

Do you believe in the death penalty? It depends what the person did.

Name a person that you can’t stand and tell us why? I don't know tbh.

If you could have a video of one event in your life, what would the video be? Hmm.

What is the most illegal thing you have ever done? Dunno lol.

Last person you sang happy birthday to? Not sure.

What form of government do you like the most? (capitalism, socialism, etc.) I have no clue tbh, politics is boring to me.

Is there a song you can’t handle listening to, even though you like it? As The World Caves In, it's one of the most sad songs ever, and I cry just listening to it lol.

Last time you saw fireworks? Dunno, New Year's?

Do you have a black dog? No.

If you took someone on a tour of your town, what would you show them? Sky Tower, the museum, Kelly Tarlton's, Sylvia Park etc.

Have you been to the capital of your state? -

Would you be more in your element camping in a tent or an RV? RV, but I've never actually been in one lol.

Kissing someone with facial hair, do you mind? Not at all!

Would you ever enter any kind of pageant? No.

Do you have sympathy for hobos? Mostly, but some of them can be really pushy when they ask for money.

When holding hands, do you intertwine fingers? Yes.

What’s your opinion on Johnny Depp? Love him! Was totally on his side with the whole Amber Heard stuff. He's a phenomenal actor and can play so many different roles.

If you write, isn’t writer’s block the most horrible thing? Oh god yes.

How old were you when you met your first love? In my 30's, lol.

Did you get ice cream from the ice cream truck when you were little? Do they still have an ice cream truck where you live? I did! But they always seemed to come around at silly times like right before you'd be having dinner lol, they should have come around 30 - 45 mins later cos then it'd be time for dessert xD

Your last ex finds out you’ve fallen in love with another person? Who cares, I don't talk to them. Surveys are way too obsessed with exes when I barely think about mine lol.

Who was the last friend you added on Facebook? Not sure actually.

Have you ever encountered a black widow? No. THANK GOD.

What letter does your surname begin with? O.

Have you ever used a muscle stimulator before? Did it hurt? No.

How many times have you dated the person you’re with now? Once, currently lol.

Do you know anyone who has gotten pregnant despite using contraception? Yep.

Would your mom care if she found condoms in your room? I'm an adult lol, I can do what I like xD

Would you ever get band artwork tattooed on you? No.

Do you think the last person you kissed has ever lied to you? Probably, but unless it's huge, who cares.

Would you ever pick up a hitchhiker? God no.

Do you think it’s important for children to have a father figure in their life as they grow up? Sure, but if they don't, then that's how it is. But most people who don't have a father likely have other males in their life.

If you could have one more pet, what? I don't have any pets to begin with...

Something you want to buy real bad? Hmm, not sure actually. More merch probably xD

Could you wait until marriage for sex? I don't want to get married, so no LOL.

Do you know anyone who writes huge essays when they message you? Yep, but it's endearing.

Do you think your first love still loves you? Dunno.

Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little? No.

Has your father met the person you currently love? Yep.

[TW: SUICIDE] Have you ever written or received a suicide note? No.

Do women breastfeeding in public make you feel uncomfortable? Why or why not? No, it's babies eating. Who cares?

What band would you most like to meet? Blue!! <3

Do you think you have to be skinny in order to be beautiful? Nah, but I do want to be slim for my health.

What’s the most disturbing thing you’ve ever been through? Getting hit by a drunk driver who was blind drunk in the middle of the day.

Are you into PETA and all that? No, PETA are awful.

Does your family have a secret? Not really?

Any current family issues? Nah.

Have you ever picked wild flowers? No.

Which mythological deity or creature is your favorite? Djinn/genies. Thanks to the Weather Warden series xD

What’s the biggest spider you’ve come across? I don't want to think.

Have you ever been bitten by anything venomous? No.

Who was the last person you were with that smelled REALLY good? My boyfriend xD

What movie coming out are you most excited to see? Why? None, I don't like movies.

If you have one, do you and your significant other have a similar taste in music? Not really, though he does try to listen to stuff I recommend him even if it's not his thing cos he's open-minded.

Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? Yes.

Have you ever dated someone who posted a ton of selfies on social media? No.

Are you on good or bad terms with your most recent ex? Neither, I don't ever talk to him.

What’s your favorite YouTube channel? Loads - Call Me Kevin, ashens, LGR, Matt Rose, HeroVoltsy etc.

What’s the highest you can count in a different language? Dunno.

Where would you like to be buried? Not sure.

Which of the following areas is going best for you right now: finances, work, love life, social life or education? Why do you say this? No education, and the others are all pretty good.

Do you know any illegal immigrants? No.

Can you sit for long periods of time? Noooooooooo, I'm so fidgety lol, I change the position of my legs hundreds of times a day. Plus, I always stand up when I get a chance to. It's for this reason, I always sit on the aisle when I fly cos I get up and go to the toilet multiple times, and I don't want to be climbing over people.

Do you have any cavities? Not one.

Who was the last person to flirt with you, other than your lover? This guy at work yesterday xD I was polite, but didn't encourage him haha.

Have you ever read a book about a character in a psych ward? Dunno.

Have you ever been in a mental hospital as a patient? No.

Whose place did you last chill at and with who? My boyfriend's.

Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? -

Would you prefer cherry Cola or vanilla Cola? I don't like cherries, so definitely vanilla. Man I haven't had it for so long, need to get a bottle at some point.

Have you ever tried to draw an anime version of yourself? No.

At what point were your parents most disappointed in you? Never?

If you could have a neon light sign that said anything you wanted, or looked like anything you wanted, what would it be? Hmm, maybe ones of the Shield guy's logos!

Will you cry at your wedding? -

If your last ex said they hate you, you say? I don't care.

What do you get cravings for the most? Chips.

Where was your senior prom held? -

What was the theme of your senior prom? -

Do you know what you want the theme of your wedding to be? If so, what would it be? Why so many wedding questions? Not everyone wants to get married.

What color Christmas lights do you like best on your tree? We have all colours lol.

At what age did you start puberty? I got my period at 13, so around then I guess.

Have you ever passed out? Yes.

How old is the last person you kissed? 55.

Where does your best friend live? She lives about... 25 mins from me or so.

How many people have you truly fallen IN love with? One.

Has anybody ever called you a tease? My boyfriend has a a joke LOL.

Have you ever seen your siblings naked? -

What are you doing this weekend? Nothing planned, but I'll prob hang out with my boyfriend at some point.

What’s your favorite hair color for girls? Depends on the individual person, cos not everyone suits the same colours. For me personally, I don't suit super dark colours, I'm too pale.

Does your first crush know you liked him/her? He knew lol, cos he was also my first kiss xD

Has anyone ever taken your clothes off of you before? Yes.

What was the last seriously painful thing that happened to you? I threw my knee out at the gym the other day, ugh.

Do you believe in Judgment Day? No.

Do you have a picture of you kissing someone? Yes.

If you had $100 dollars, how would you spend it? Buy a new pair of Converse from the outlet store!

You were given the opportunity to get a new cellular device, what do you choose? Whatever the newest iPhone is at the time.

Ever physically fought with a member of the opposite sex? No.

What was the last thing you tried for the first time? Hmm, not sure.

When was the last time someone admitted to having somewhat of an attraction to you? The other day.

Do you prefer to have more or less in common with your significant other? More.

[tender-horror]

june 16, twenty twenty four

the fatherless girl inside me rears her head at the worst of times. it's so funny sometimes (when julien meets my mom and says he's good with moms but dads don't like him and i laugh and say that won't be a problem) and not funny at all most of the time (but i still laugh as if it is.)

like, okay, we went to the casino, but he and his high school boy friends lost money while me and his more recent female friend won money, and it was a shining night for me but not at all for him, and we lay in my bed together until i get overwhelmed by the feeling that i'm an intruder in my own home.

the feeling that i'm an intruder in my own home. that's so Something. Something i should be over - or thought i'd be over by now - but it creeps up on me like a leech suckling my joy - because i'm still the same - despite it all - i'm still the same - smoking on a balcony at the casino wearing a nice dress i bought years and years ago - worrying about my breathing being too loud when we lay in my bed - worrying that i'm too much - and a burden - and of course, my therapist was right, and how i hate to say it but it all comes back to my childhood

i've grown up learning how to make myself small - and to put others first - my care for others first - i spent so long minimizing myself and i've realized this but yet i seem incapable of taking of space without shame -

it's such an embarrassment - needing someone like i need you - or - letting such a peculiarly shiny night end this way - with you in my bed and me on my couch writing this - with me wincing with every creak of the floorboards as i creep into my own bed to join you in your slumber - with me unable to sleep and unable to tell if you sleep next to me - all the cars can be heard from my open window - i hesitate to turn the fan on and i end up leaving it off - i sit up in bed - i think you're asleep because i whisper to you and get no response - i put my head in my hands - i get up and leave the bedroom - nest - holy space - sanctuary - that doesn't feel like a nest or holy space of sanctuary right now - because i feel cracked open - not like the night you slept over before we were dating and i left the bed to cry hysterically on the couch where you rubbed my back and taught me how to breathe - but cracked open in a different way, not good, not bad, but so awake.

everything was so beautiful two hours ago. everything is so romantic. i hang my head out of the open window like a dog, smoking a cigarette. it's so highschool, me in the backseat of a sedan with two boys in the front seats that i barely know.

there's always too much to say but nothing at all because i don't want to honour all the fear - which will be my demise. if there's no trust where does a heart go. if i can't wake you to share the insecurities than why are we together - but i can't wake you, not because you don't want to be woken but because i'm so afraid - of bothering you - of being too much - of robbing you, of sleep, of what else you could be doing - other than dating me - this fundamentally fractured being - and i need security i've said this before - and i think i have it but i'm too scared to ask for reassurance

i can't help but revert to making myself smaller to fit you into it all

i can't help but indulge myself in shame

i can't help but strangle all my wants and needs into a husk that lays in wait around my heart - where i don't see it - or feel it - until it suffocates me and i wake up at 3:50am unable to process it all

i want it all and i want so much and i'm not sure i'll ever be able to ask for it, you breathing in my ear, and all the sweetness and all the holiness, and the arms around me, and the beautiful spinning, and us lit up by all the glowing lights, and a kiss on the cheek on the mouth on my back so divine, us in the ether and us in the nether, and us in it all, i want to feel it all, i want it all for us but maybe i'm not the one who gets all that

[lucy90712]

Part 2 of the Gavin parade story please!!!

Part 1

WC: 2.4k

You: hi this is y/n you gave me your number during the parade earlier thank you for the compliment by the way

How cringe I can't believe that's the first message I sent but it's too late to do anything now I'll just have to deal with it and hope that if he replies he doesn't think I'm weird. Oh god what if he never replies and I look like an idiot for thinking that the Pablo Gavi would ever actually want to talk to me. I bet the whole team is laughing about the fact that I actually text him. I don't think I can ever step foot in the camp nou ever again. Just as I was spiralling my phone dinged so I scrambled to the other end of the sofa where I'd left it only to see that one of my best friends had text me asking about today. As I was about to put my phone back down another notification came through this time it was actually from Pablo. 

Gavi: wow I'm surprised you actually text me sorry if that was weird I just had to find a way to talk to you 

You: no it wasn't weird at all it surprised me but it was a nice surprise 

Gavi: good I assume you are a Barca fan so would you like to come to our next home game I would love to meet your properly

You: I would love that thank you so much 

~~~~~~~~~~

I always get stressed a few hours before a Barca game especially when I'm going to the game but this time I barely slept as I can't stop thinking about the fact that I'm actually going to properly meet Pablo. I'm really excited as we have been talking over text and have FaceTimed a few times just to get to know each other a bit more and he's the sweetest person but him being so nice coupled with the fact that he's so attractive has meant I've developed a slight crush on him. This is a problem as although he called me beautiful in the message he wrote I feel like he just wants to be friends I mean he has other things to focus on he doesn't need a girlfriend right now let alone one who has her own set of problems to deal with. Our friendship so far has been great and he's a lovely person to talk to so I don't want to ruin that by giving away how I feel and making him feel uncomfortable. 

Thankfully I don't have work today so I have been able to spend the day worrying about this evening without having to worry about work too. Having nothing to do has meant that I have spent far too long deciding on what to wear to the game. I couldn't decide whether to wear a Barcelona jersey or normal clothes as I want to support my team but I don't want to look like an idiot in front of Pablo. In the end I found a good compromise and put on a normal outfit and then put a jersey on over the top as that way I can change if I need to. Then I spent way too much time deciding whether I should put on some makeup and do my hair which ended up with me having a small bit of makeup on and fixing my hair slightly but not going all out. 

When it was time for me to leave I grabbed my phone and my bag and walked to the bus stop as I don't have a car. Taking the bus can be a nightmare on game days but I have worked out a goody system where I get off a few stops earlier and then walk the last part of the journey as it's often quicker due to the amount of traffic. This evening the bus was busier than usual so I had to stand but I didn't mind as I had headphones in and I could look out the window as I zoned out. There was so many people wearing Barcelona jerseys on the streets and many of them had Pablo's name on the back. Seeing all of those fans made it really sink in that in just a few hours I'm going to meet the golden boy of the city which is probably what all of those people dream of doing. Thinking about it that way somehow made me less nervous as I have the opportunity to do something that so many people will never do so I have to make the most of it and not think about how it could all go wrong. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

The game was so amazing, the last home game of the season is always special but this time it felt even more special as the team finally got the trophy. As if things couldn't get any better Pablo scored the last goal at the camp nou as we know it which is really special. With it being such a special match the team celebrated for a bit longer so I waited in the stands with all the fans until I got a text from Pablo telling me to come down to meet him along with where to go as I don't know how to find the locker rooms. As I made my way down there my hands were shaking slightly as I'm so nervous but I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down and put a smile on my face. 

I headed down the corridor and stood outside the locker room ready to text Pablo to tell him I was there but before I could he saw stood in front of me smiling. His smile was so contagious and instantly made me feel completely comfortable around him which I didn't expect. He was quick to bring me into a warm hug which had my stomach filling with butterflies and my cheeks heating up but I tried my best to hide that from Pablo. I felt so at home in his arms it was like we had known each other for years and hadn't just met a few seconds ago I can't believe anyone hates him as he's just the nicest guy. Eventually we both pulled away and he kept smiling at me as he moved to stand an acceptable distance away from me. 

"It's so nice to finally meet you honestly I still can't believe you text me after the parade" Pablo said 

"Sometimes you have to do something spontaneous in life and I'm definitely glad I did" I said 

"I'm glad you did too as now I get to see your beautiful face up close" he flirted 

"Oh um thank you" I replied stumbling over my words and blushing 

As we were talking more of the team left the locker room so he introduced me to them in between our conversations and all of them were super lovely too. Pablo and I stood in the corridor for probably close to an hour just talking to each other before someone asked us to get going so we had to leave but we still kept talking as we walked. 

"Do you have any plans for the rest of the evening?" Pablo asked 

"No I don't" I replied 

"Would you like to come back to my place then?" He asked 

"I would love to" I said 

Once I said yes Pablo got all nervous all of a sudden which made me nervous that I'd done something wrong. He was also mumbling something under his breath which I couldn't hear but I assumed he was talking to himself so I just kept following him thinking that this is something he must do quite a lot as I wouldn't know otherwise. When we made it to the door to the car park he held the door open for me and then I continued to walk with him towards his car. At some point we just stopped walking and he looked at me which really made my heart race as I had no idea what was happening.

"Are you ok?" I asked 

"Is this a date or are we just hanging out as friends?" Pablo asked 

"I um I don't know I'd like it to be a date" I said 

"Then it's a date" he said 

This time as we walked he grabbed hold of my hand which had my heart beating even faster than it was before if that was even possible. He then opened the door to his car for me before going round to get in the drivers side. Luckily by this point it was dark outside and Pablo went out the back exit so no one noticed that I was in the car with him as I was a bit worried about what would happen if we were seen together. Once we were on the road Pablo and I started talking again and this time we were flirting a bit more now that we had established that there must be some feelings there as we are calling this a date. It hasn't really sunk in until we were flirting that I was on a date with Pablo I mean that's what I was dreaming of happening and here we are. The fact that Pablo must actually like me really gave me a lot of confidence to be a bit braver than I would've been earlier. 

The drive to Pablo's place wasn't long and when we arrived he again opened my car door me and then held his front door open to allow me in first like the gentleman he is. He gave me a quick tour of his place before asking if I was allergic to anything so he could make dinner for the both of us. I felt bad that after a long match he was making dinner for me instead of getting to relax but when I tried to help he wouldn't let me so I just sat on the countertop and watched him cook. He was surprisingly good at cooking at no point did I feel like he was going to set the kitchen on fire which I think is pretty good plus he cooked everything for long enough so I wasn't going to die either. 

Once the food was ready he finally allowed me to help as he got me to dish up while he set the table. I should've realised that he was just distracting me as when I went out to the table he had set up candles and made it all romantic. Pablo is really full of surprises as I didn't see him being the type to do something like this but I'm not complaining as it's nice to be treated so well as all of my last dates have been real assholes. We ate dinner quietly but afterwards we went and sat down on the sofa together to play fifa as we both like to play. 

Pablo is a lot better than me at fifa and a lot more competitive so he won every game but I didn't mind as I was having fun and Pablo was enjoying winning. After I lost for the fifth time in a row Pablo seemed to feel bad as he definitely let me win the next game as I could see the smile on his face as he kept giving me the ball and allowing me to score. Once I had won the game he turned the game off and then came back down to sit next to me trying to subtly put his arm around my shoulder but subtlety isn't something he's good at so to make things less awkward I leant my head against his shoulder. He then started playing with my hair very gently which made me smile as I have always liked people playing with my hair. 

We sat in silence for a few minutes before we both looked at each other at the same time. There was a lot of tension between us, if anyone else were to walk in the room it would probably knock them out. Neither of us were quite brave enough to make the first move as once we do we can't go back and we haven't exactly known each other for very long so I'm definitely nervous and I can't imagine how Pablo feels. Just as I was thinking about what could happen if we kissed Pablo began to lean down towards me and pressed his lips to mine. For a few seconds I was taken aback but once my brain caught up with what was happening I kissed him right back. We both pulled away eventually but this time I was brave enough to kiss him again and this time it was much more enjoyable as I was much less nervous. 

After coming down from the excitement of what just happened Pablo turned on the tv so we could half watch some tv while telling stories from our childhood so we could get to know each other on a deeper level. I was enjoying myself but it was getting late and I have work in the morning so sadly I had to leave plus I wanted to make the last bus so I wouldn't have to walk home. 

"Thank you for tonight I've had the best time but I really should head home" I said grabbing my phone from the table 

"Wait did you drive to the stadium as I can drop you back there" he offered 

"No I got the bus but it's fine the last bus leaves soon so I can get that back home" I said 

"Thats not happening I'll drop you home I can't let you go home alone" he said 

"Thank you" I said 

Pablo grabbed his car keys and we got back in his car and I didn't even need to give him my address as he already knows where I live which made it a simple journey. When we arrived he walked up to my apartment with me where we had to say goodbye to each other. Pablo couldn't let me go without brining me in for a hug and kissing me one last time. 

"So what do you say to a second date?" He asked 

"I would love that" I said 

"Great I'll text you tomorrow" he said before leaving 

Once I was finally alone everything that happened today finally sunk in and all I could do was laugh because it just seems so ridiculous but I did actually just go on a date with the Pablo Gavi. Sometimes life is crazy and doesn’t go the way you think it will but tonight I learnt that that’s not always a bad thing. 

[thinkingaboutbetterdays]

drunken confessions. ( shawn spencer x reader )

gif belongs to me

Shawn had made his attraction clear to you from the moment that you met. He had doubted that you were a cop because of your appearance and you had replied by displaying your badge. Although you had shied away from the attention in the beginning, you began to respond to his flirting and you would never forget the shock on his face when you winked at him.

Cases became more entertaining with him around, and you knew Carlton was giving himself a headache with each eyeroll as you and Shawn flirted back and forth. But nothing had ever come of the flirting. One reason being you had a boyfriend at the time. The second being his feelings had started long before you felt the same way.

He was on a date when he found you in the bar. You had your own bottle at the table and from its contents, nearly finished it in the two hours since you both parted ways at the station after the case was closed.

"Hey, Y/N..." He joined your table while he waited for his date to arrive. "What'cha doin'? Parents out of town or somethin'?"

"My parents are dead." You told him, before taking a drink from your glass.

You never revealed anything about your past. Shawn could make predictions and while he knew your father had died when you were young, the reason you wore his watch every day, he never knew about your mother. And to hear you open up so bluntly was shocking despite your current state.

"I'm sorry."

"Happened when I was in the academy." You noticed the woman looking around the bar and Shawn looked over his shoulder, before looking around quickly. "You on a date?"

"No, no -" He lied.

"Hey," You called out to the woman, waving her over. "You looking for Shawn Spencer?"

She walked over and you stood up from the table, unaware of the concern in his gaze when you swayed slightly. "Have a good night."

Shawn noticed you taking out your car keys and reached out to take them, standing up from his chair. "Uh-uh. You're not driving."

"I've barely had three glasses. I'm fine."

"You've drank enought to subdue a baby elephant." Shawn argued. "I'll take you home."

He looked at his date who was looking between you, realizing that from the look in his eyes when he looked at you it was pointless rescheduling another date because his feelings for you were clear and it would only end in heartbreak.

"I'm really sorry." He apologized before quickly chasing after you when he realized you were nearly outside.

You stumbled as you stepped into the parking lot, Shawn holding the door open and you took off your heels, sniffling as you looked at your broken heel.

"I'm sorry about your date." You told him.

"Don't worry about it." He led you to your car and held the door open for you but you leaned against the car, turning to him.

"You are a really great guy underneath all the sarcasm. And hell I like the sarcasm too." You put a hand on his chest and Shawn looked at your hand then met your gaze as you continued. "Looks and charm with a sensitivity that makes you the ideal package." A giggle left your lips. "God, I can't count the times I've wanted to rip your clothes off."

"I'm sorry - what?" He stared at you in disblief when you got into the car without another word.

It was a fifteen minute drive home in which you spent most of the time dodging his questions as to why you were out drinking when you had work in the morning - something unheard of when you were concerned.

Shawn opened the door when you arrived and you laughed when he held his hand out to you. "M'lady."

You accepted his hand and wrapped your arm around his as you walked to the door. Once you were settled on the sofa with a cup of coffee Shawn decided to press for answers.

You sipped your coffee as he took a seat on the coffee table across from you. "I'm sorry about your date."

"Wasn't serious anyways." He brushed off. "I'm more interested in why you got drunk tonight."

"I like your eyes." You said, taking another sip of coffee.

"You're trying to distract me." He stated. "It won't work."

You rolled your eyes, placing a hand on your forehead afterwards. "You should go back to your date."

"I don't want to." He said. "Not until I know you're going to be okay."

"I'm always okay." It was the same exact words you had told him after you had gotten shot during a case three months ago when he had visited you in hospital.

And Shawn believed it as little as he did then.

"That's impossible. No one is okay all the time."

"What do you want me to say? That I didn't feel like returning to an empty house? That I feel like I should just adopt cats because I'll always be alone?"

Your eyes averted to your cup and Shawn stared at you for a moment. "You'll never be alone."

"I've been alone ever since my parents died." You met his gaze, revealing the tears in your eyes. "It's been six years and -"

"It's the anniversary." He sighed in realization. "Y/N, I'm sorry."

From the day you met he refused to call you 'Detective' or by your last name as he did every other cop he was in contact with. He always referred to you by your first name and while it bugged you in the beginning, you realized it was his way of showing how he felt about you without actually saying it. You had known how he felt for a while and when you heard about his date tonight you hated how long it had taken you to realize you felt the same way.

"I like you." You spoke up after a few moments. "Like a lot. More than I should - god knows Carlton has tried his best to stop me from liking you but I do I really really -"

The feeling of his lips on your interrupted your speech and you placed a hand on his cheek, leaning into the kiss with a smile on your lips.

He pulled away to meet your gaze, granting you both time to catch your breath. "If it wasn't obvious I like you too."

You smiled softly. "I'm sorry I waited so long."

"Trust me, it was worth it."

You raised an eyebrow teasingly, leaning in to reignite the kiss and Shawn placed a hand on your cheek.

It had taken three years for you to confess how you felt. And for a while Shawn had resigned to the idea that you wouldn't feel the same but a few weeks back he noticed your stare lingering longer than it should have that sparked a beacon of hope that told him to cling on a little longer. And after tonight he was glad he did.

[zodiyack]

Rude! (3,000+ Follower Fic Special 1/3)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Female!Hopper!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Billy stuff, lyrics, fluff

Song: Rude by Magic!

Words: 1,798

Summary: Billy's love for Hopper's daughter is too strong to be stopped by the tough Chief Jim Hopper. Despite being told "not in a thousand years", he plans to love her regardless.

Note: Thank you so so much! I love you all, and writing your ideas, as well as sharing mine with you, has been so fucking fun and amazing! I'm sorry for my lack of words, I wish being an author came in handy with writing this, however, all I can say is that I love you all from the bottom of my heart. I've seen people do shout-outs, and ask-related stuff with their follower things, and I may do that, I'm not sure. For now, I hope you enjoy this... Thank you all, again!

Also 1/3 means that there will be two other fics released for the 3,000+ follower present!

Taglist: @urie-bowie-mercury, @matth1w, @redspaceace-writes, @fandom-puff, @darling-i-read-it, @simonsbluee, @sebastianstanslefteyebrow, @dpaccione

Masterlist | Stranger Things Masterlist

"Saturday morning, jumped out of bed and put on my best suit. Got in my car and raced like a jet all the way to you. Knocked on your door with my heart in my hands, to ask you a question, 'cause I know that you're an old-fashioned man. Yeah."

Billy was freshly graduated, working as a lifeguard whilst his girlfriend worked her own job, both saving up for their chance to ditch Hawkins and move to California. Sweet Cali. Billy was excited to show the love of his life around the place he called home. Though, physically, he left the salty ocean and windy beach behind, the place never truly left him.

You could see it in his eyes. The waves crashing in his blue orbs. He swore the scent had just barely clung to his belongings; the smell of the tangy air that followed a majority of the state. Working at a pool was the closest he got to the memory of California. Chlorine was most certainly not the salted ocean waters, but with the circumstances, he decided it'd do.

The way his face lit up whenever he talked about his home...it made Y/n more and more excited to see it. His girlfriend had grown up in Hawkins, stayed there her whole life. Never once did the Hoppers leave Hawkins.

But the second that was introduced to Billy, he knew it had to change.

Although they were saving for a big move, Billy had...other things in mind with what to do with his first large pay-check (or series, rather. Working as a lifeguard didn't pay well with just one check). He began to work more shifts to make up for the money he'd spent, and one day after calling in for a day off, he decided to put his plan into action.

"Billy, stop messing with the tie."

"It's annoying." Hands slapped away his attempts of adjusting the black silk tie.

"Well it won't stop being annoying if you keep fucking it up."

For the first time in a long time, Neil Hargrove was calm. Not happy, not amused, not pissed off for some unjust reason- just calm. He wasn't wreaking havoc and he wasn't being an asshole to his son. Billy hadn't seen this side of his dad in quite some time, in fact, he thought something important was going on and he was about to fuck it all up. And then, Susan retreated to the living room with a camera and a freshly ironed suit.

"You're not putting me in that."

"And who asked for your opinion?" Neil deflected with a raised brow. One heavy sigh later and Billy was leaving the bathroom, dawning the whole black and white getup.

Susan clasped her hands over her mouth, a tear leaving her eye, "You look so handsome! Just like your dad!"

Billy rolled his eyes, "Great."

However, his careless attitude was swept under the rug when the blue Camaro pulled up to the police station, interrupting a clearly distressed Chief Hopper bickering with his daughter. Billy had to get himself together before stepping out of the car, jaw slack after seeing the beauty he got to call his date.

"Hello Mr-"

"Don't even try play nice with me, Hargrove. She's not going anywhere with you. End of story." Hopper kept his eyes trained on the blond, body tense like a snake preparing to strike it's prey.

Y/n grabbed Billy's arm, slowly directing him to the car, "And in the sequel, we find out I am going with Billy. End of that story."

"There is no 'sequel.' The writer got drunk and lazy." She paused, turning to face her father who stood tall, arms crossed and face unamused.

"So his daughter picked up where her father left off, and then the sequel was published and the two lived happily ever after, the end."

While her dad attempted to search for a line that would better hers and force her to stay, she pushed Billy toward the driver's side and slid into the car as fast as she could, rolling down the window as Billy started it up. "Bye! I'll be back before midnight!"

The two drove off toward the school, leaving behind a trail of dust and very, very, pissed off Hopper.

Prom was better than Billy thought it would be. He didn't want to go at first, but after Max found out and spoke to her mom about it (the little redhead a cupid-in-the-making), Neil pushed him to go (as he was "doing something else besides being a lazy-no-good rebel"). It was then that he called Y/n and asked if she'd be going.

The suit came in handy. Clashing with his rocker aesthetic, he put it back on once more. The once-annoying tie proved to be somewhat okay in the end.

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know. You say I'll never get your blessing "till the day I die, tough luck my friend, but the answer is no!"

Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so rude? I'm gonna marry her anyway. Marry that girl, marry her anyway! Marry that girl, yeah, no matter what you say! Marry that girl, and we'll be a family! Why you gotta be so rude?

With a deep breath, he ran-over the conversation in his head once more. Like a script for an actor, he had thought of every possible outcome and every possible line for him to face it with. He almost chickened out as his fist rose to the door, but it was too late, for his knuckles rapped against it before he realized he was even knocking.

El opened the door, eyes wide when she saw the familiar mullet and button-down. "Papa..." She muttered as she backed away and out of view.

Hopper traded places with her, his lazy expression sobering up instantaneously, replaced with a grumpy scowl. "Hargrove."

"Mr. Hopper, sir."

"What are you doing on my front porch?"

He swallowed roughly, palms sweaty against his sides. "I was wondering if I could talk to you."

"You seem to be doing just that right now, Hargrove." Hop crossed his arms and clenched his jaw.

Well, this was certainly not something Billy had thought of. He was on panic mode internally, attempting to find any response that could save his hide and accomplish what he set out to do. Unfortunately, the word-vomit button seemed to be misplaced under the button labeled "help".

"I'd like to marry your daughter, sir."

Hop's eyes grew just as big in size as El's had when she opened the door. He choked on his own surprise, coughing it off, then glaring at the boy in front of him. "Over my dead body, Hargrove. If that's all, I'd strongly advise you to get off of my fucking porch while you're still alive."

I hate to do this, you leave no choice; can't live without her. Love me or hate me, we will be boys- standing at that alter. And we will fly away, to another galaxy, you know. You know she's in love with me, she will go anywhere I go-

"Billy, he's just stubborn."

"No, no, I don't think he likes me."

Y/n sighed, rubbing her boyfriend's back. He hadn't told her of his proposal plans, only that Hop seemed to have it out for him. "It'll take time, but he'll warm up to you!"

"It's been how many years since he's met me?"

"To be fair, your reputation wasn't doing you any good until now..."

"It's not like that was fucking obvious." He slouched further down in the front seat of his Camaro. To Billy, all hope was lost. If he couldn't get Hopper to give him his blessing, he was sure he'd lose his goddamned mind.

Y/n frowned. Her frown flipped around as an idea popped into her head, her lips finding Billy's knuckles and quirking his attention. "Even if he never likes you, I'm not going anywhere."

Billy laughed softly, "he'll fucking kill me if you go against him."

"Eh, that's only if he can catch us."

"You're out of your fucking mind, Y/n Hopper."

"I know."

The rest of the night was spent in the Camaro, of course, doing one of Billy's favorite pastimes. By the time the sun rose, Billy was sneaking a kiss to a giggling Y/n before dropping from her window in the cabin and running to his car, parked far enough that Hop or El wouldn't notice. He blew her one more kiss, which she pretended to catch, then he broke into a sprint.

Maybe, he thought, just maybe; there was still a chance.

His knuckles hit the door again, shifting on his feet nervously. It swung open to reveal Hopper, an unimpressed look bringing no surprise Billy's way. It was quite expected, honestly.

"What." His tone made it clear he wasn't up for fucking around.

"Mr. Hopper, if you just give me one chance to prove to you that-"

"No, no, no, no, no. Let me make it very clear to you that I want you to have nothing to do with my daughter whatsoever. No marriage, no friendship, I don't even approve of you guys fucking or whatever-"

"We're in a serious relationship, sir. It's nothing like you think it is."

This made Hop laugh. He continued to do so, holding his stomach, until he realized Billy was unamused. "Oh, you're serious?... My answer is still no, Hargrove. My answer will always be no. Go find someone else's daughter's heart to break. You're not hurting mine."

"It's not like-"

Before he could even get the words out, he was met with a door in his face. Turned down, again.

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know. You say I'll never get your blessing "till the day I die, tough luck my friend, 'cause the answer's still no!"

Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so rude? I'm gonna marry her anyway. Marry that girl, marry her anyway! Marry that girl, yeah, no matter what you say! Marry that girl, and we'll be a family! Why you gotta be so rude, rude?

Again, again, and again, Billy incessantly pleaded with Hopper. Different tactics were all met with the same answer; rejection.

He held up a sign outside the cabin, only for Hopper to close the curtain and chuckle as he sipped his coffee.

He asked at the door again, only for Hop to threaten to give him a black eye (which was met with "aren't you the sheriff? Isn't that illegal?").

He raced past the police station, Max leaning out the window with another sign, only for Hop to threaten them with holding cells.

He even went as far as to ask Max and El to help, but Hopper had none of that, and sent Max home with a rant full of nos.

However, if Jim Hopper thought any of it would get it into Billy's head that getting his blessing was just not happening- he was as wrong as Nancy when she claimed not to have feelings for Jonathan.

Billy had another plan in mind, and this one was impossible to say no to.

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know. You say I'll never get your blessing "till the day I die, tough luck my friend- but no still means no!"

"Hopper." Billy stood before his desk, interrupting his nice date with a delicious doughnut, and earning a very annoyed glare. "I got Miss Byer's blessing. Aren't you two a thing?"

"You son of a-"

"I got Eleven's too."

"Hargrove, I'm gonna-"

"Before you cuss me out, I think you should know that I've got a stable job, an interview with a mechanic so I have a job when the pool closes for the winter, and I've got a house on the market I'm looking at. I'm devoted to your daughter and she's devoted to me. You may not like me, but I think you're a great dad, better than the one I was unfortunately stuck with. You raised a strong and amazing woman. She's incredible and I admit, she deserves better than me-"

"You don't have to say that twice." Hopper huffed, crossing his arms.

"I know she deserves so much better than me, I'm surprised she's even with me too. But she loves me, and I think you can see that. I love her too. I would never, in a million years, break her heart."

Jim stayed silent for a few minutes. The silence brought uneasiness to Billy, but that was intentional on Hopper's behalf. He finally piped up with a cough, clearing his throat, before his piercing eyes met Billy's blue orbs.

"I'll hold you to that, Hargrove."

Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so rude? I'm gonna marry her anyway. Marry that girl, marry her anyway! Marry that girl, yeah, no matter what you say! Marry that girl, and we'll be a family! Why you gotta be so rude? Why you gotta be so rude?

Bonus:

(after the wedding)

"What was that about a no?" Billy quipped with his infamous smirk.

"You're lucky I'm sheriff, Hargrove."

Why you gotta be so rude?

[poguestvff]

Used To The Cold — S. Cameron

In which Sarah Cameron comes to a realization after her girlfriend moves across the country.

taglist | main masterlist | 2.0k words

warning(s): none, fluff, i heart sarah <33

Have you ever lost something that held either so many memories or brought a sort of happiness that just warmed you immediately even at the sight of it? Most people have something like that. Such as for children when it comes to losing stuffed animals or action figures that were a source of comfort, they missed it like hell. Said children grow up and look for a new source of comfort. Some teenagers found it in weed and alchohol, others in sports. For Sarah Cameron, she grew out of the beautiful pink blanket her father had gotten her as a toddler. As she grew into a teenager, she found a new solace.

Her girlfriend.

Sarah made it very apparent to show her love to her girlfriend who, at one point, was just her best friend who she could hardly even bare to be away from. Sarah had known she'd loved Y/n before they even got together by the way Sarah had never felt claustrophobic in the friendship that she held with the other girl. She said the three words within the first six months of being with her, words she had never spoken to another being other than her family. It was a word she, personally, took seriously. For her to say it to Y/n showed the amount of trust she held within her. Trust to not feel so closed off with Y/n.

At the beginning of the relationship, Sarah was glad that not much had changed between the two of them. That Y/n let her have her space whenever she needed it without the dependent need to be together all day though it quickly became backwards. Sarah grew even more clingy to Y/n, hardly able to deal without her hands being stuck to her girlfriend like glue. Whenever they went out to lunch, Sarah played a one sided game of footsies that only brought a smile upon Y/n’s features, one of Sarah’s favorite traits about her. Sarah loved the idea of always having a person to call her own, Y/n seeming to be the one person who could bring out her newfound touchiness. Though, sometimes she pondered on whether Y/n herself was even handling it or if she just ‘put up’ with it. If she did have an indifference towards Sarah’s actions, she surely never showed her disinterest in it.

Though the last time Sarah had held on to her girlfriend felt soul crushing and gut wrenching. As the two of them stood on the creaky, wooden dock just before the ferry, Sarah felt drained. Between the amount of crying she’d done in just the past few days had been enough to make her want to sleep forever and the comfort of her girlfriends arms around her hadn’t helped that feeling. Tears held a steady stream down both of their faces though Sarah was the one who was unable to contain her sobs. People passed around them, solemn looks given to the two of them as they listened in on the sniffles and soft wails.

Y/n didn’t need to be a genius to understand that this was twice as hard for Sarah as it would be for her. Y/n was leaving, miles away that Sarah couldn’t even pin on when the next time she’d being able to hold on to her would be. All she knew was that this embrace that Y/n held on her would be the last one for months and there wasn’t a thing that would be able to make up for it between now and then.

It evoked an indescribable sort of fear within Sarah but she knew it was immutable. If Sarah could, she'd even drop her whole life within Outer Banks to follow her girlfriend across the world. There wasn't much Sarah wouldn't do and there wasn't much Y/n wouldn't do for Sarah either, including the moving date having already been pushed back a month because of Y/n's several arguments with her parents.

"I don't want you to go." sarah whispered as y/n kissed her neck. She could hear the blonde's pained and wavering voice, how affected she already was even as Y/n hadn't even stood on the boat yet.

"I know, lover." the y/h/c girl spoke in a low tone, only sarah able to hear her words of affirmation. Y/n was first to pull back, placing her hands on Sarah's cheeks. The sight of Sarah with puffy eyes and a quivering lip made y/n's heart throb and a guilty feeling blanket over her like a raising tide. "i'll visit. Every chance I get, you know I will."

"It won't be the same." she lamented. Y/n placed her lips against Sarah’s, delicately as if the blonde were made of porcelain. When Y/n's parents had called for her and Ward and Rose had called Sarah away from the dock, Sarah only seemed to want to cling further, fingers pressing further into the thin jacket Y/n worse, but their time had finally run out. Even after weeks of pretending that they had all the time in the world, like nothing could pull the two of them apart, it had happened.

The first few weeks, the whole Cameron house had known Sarah spent most of her nights crying herself to sleep and the entire Y/l/n house knew Y/n was not going to be speaking to them for a little while due to their newest decision. Both groups of parents hadn't known that pulling the duo away from one another would become such a quagmire for each of them.

When Y/n did finally decide to talk to her parents, it was usually to say she was leaving to explore the area in which she refused to get to know the first few days. With a driver license, it gave her just a bit of freedom from her parents who's impromptu decisions had still caused for a tearing in their familial relationship.

Y/n sat in her parked car, a hot beverage in hand to adjust to the cold in which she'd just stood in for five minutes. All of it for a drink that wasn't even that good in her opinion but she dealt with it. With the hand not holding the steaming drink, she opened her phone, smiling immediately at the photo of her and sarah as her background. She unlocked it, scrolling around to find Sarah's contact and setting her phone up against the dashboard. While it began to ring, Y/n situated herself to begin to drive. "Hi, Y/n/n!" Sarah shouted excitedly the second she'd answered.

At her tone of voice did Y/n laugh. The enthusiasm was no surprise but it was funny to Y/n every time. "Hi, baby." She replied, fhe smile remaining on her face as she looked towards the screen. Sarah sat at her desk, her hands under her jaw though a pencil between her fingers. She had focused all of her attention from the papers in front of her to the driver on the other end of the phone. "What are you doing?"

The sound of whizzing paper had made Y/n glance to the phone seeing a math sheet now replacing Sarah's face before she placed it back down, a frown appearing on her features. "Math."

"Didn't you just start like two days ago?" Y/n asked, taking a sip from her drink.

"Yes and this teacher is an absolute bitch. You're just lucky you don't start for another week. You would hate Mr. Henley."

Y/n let out an awfully dramatic gasp. "Um, hello, Mr. Henley was literally my home room teacher last year, I'll have you know. Show some respect." She said, almost missing Sarah's chagrined look as she smiled.

"You're supposed to be on my side here."

"Sorry, i don't believe in biases, Sar." She joked for sarah to let out a small snicker.

"So tell me, how's minnesota?" Sarah asked, trying to spark up a conversation even if the distance was the same thing she wanted to keep her mind off of.

"Oh, it's so great. So many hot people." she remarked.

"You're not funny, no one has ever found you funny." Sarah replied though unable to hold in her laugh along with her girlfriend. "I'm serious. we haven't talked much about it and i don't want to like... avoid your new life now."

Y/n sighed, looking towards the phone to see Sarah looking back down at her work in front of her. "Fine. Well, it doesn't particularly suck. The no surfing part definitely does, though, but what can you do. And the coffee here... no, its just so bad, babe. granted, i only had one, and it's in my cup holder right now but it's gross."

"My coffee making is better, right?" Sarah asked as Y/n gave a hefty nod.

"So much better, even if it is the only thing you're good at making." Y/n laughed and Sarah attempted to refuse a smile, her cheeks quivering from trying to keep it down. "But the weather dropped today, randomly. It was seventy yesterday, fifty today but i think i'm getting used to the cold."

Sarah lifted her head back to the phone, watching Y/n focus on driving, her eyes diverting on places away from the screen. Sarah but at her inner cheek, drumming her fingers against the white wood that rested under her forearms. "Used to it?" Sarah asked. She knew Y/n's move was permanent at least until she was eighteen but something about those words made it seem more realistic. She was getting used to a place that wasn't home.

Y/n hummed. "Yeah, i'm probably being dramatic. I saw a guy walking around in a tank top and shorts while i'm wearing double pair of socks right now." she grinned at her own comment though picking up on Sarah's sudden discomfort when she replied with a small 'wow'. "Lover?"

"Yeah?"

"What's going on?" Y/n asked, the car slowing to a stop at a red light.

Sarah quickly shook her head. "No, it's nothing. Just... the work. Keep your eye on the road."

"Sarah." The blond recognized the tone of voice quickly.

"Just... I just fully realized how permanent this is. I won't see you until, what? December? That's a long time, Y/n! And, i get it, it's your home now and i can't do anything about it but—"

Y/n was quick to cut her off. "I never said this is home. Sure I live here but it's just a couple walls and a roof. It's not home, Sarah." Y/n began. "Home is you. And trust me, i've been missing home the second i got on that ferry."

Despite them having to look at one another through a glass screen the feeling—the connection between the two of them was still felt. Sarah could feel the normal warm feeling she would've gotten whenever Y/n would simply hold her hand or brush her hair over her ear. she held that much of an effect on Sarah in person and somehow even thousands of miles away.

Sarah hadn't even realized she had been staring for a total of twenty seconds until a singular tear fell down her blushing cheeks. she quickly sniffled, recomposing herself as she wiped it away. "Are you seriously making me cry right now?" She muttered with the way the atmosphere had become though relishing in the way Y/n laughed in response.

"Yes, thank you for ignoring everything i just said, lover." Y/n put the car back in drive as the light went green. Due to the steets being relatively empty in her new small town, she took the time to look back over at the phone to Sarah. "I love you."

Sarah's smile widened in thag very moment, pursing her lips before pushing them out. "I love you more."

"And don't worry. I won't get to used to it. I'll be back home, to you, before you even know it." Y/n took a small glance to the phone, enjoying Sarah's gaze that showed even with the distance put between the two of them, they'd be fine.

[parchmentedpetrichor]

➳it's good to see you again ♡ ☾

in which y/n l/n comes home from a 2 year long mission to subdue the rest of the escaped death eaters and meets her best friend, fred weasley, yet again.

fred weasley x fem!reader

word count: ±1.5k

tw: mentions of scars, nightmares, mentions of the war

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my masterlist:D

ft. angelina and george

it's been a long day without you, my friend

and i'll tell you all about it when i see you again

it's good to see you again

y/n was sitting comfortably in the backseat of george's fancy car, earphones plugged in and listening to a song to drown out the sound of angelina and george talking about something they had seen on the news. her head was leaning against the window, her eyes drinking in the familiar view of london in nostalgia. it hurt her that she wasn't the only person who would see the beautiful city she'd known from the very beginning. and she missed it. angelina and george had picked her up from the quarantine centre after she had made a trip to albania for a couple of years with the rest of her auror unit to imprison the remaining death eaters. albania had recently acquired many cases of dragonpox, and so all the unit members had to isolate in a little hotel by the edge of italy. it had been a few weeks since the start of the quarantine and now she was zooming along a british highway, ever so keen to see her friends and family again. and fred. fred was her best friend. they had been since 5th year. perhaps she was harbouring feelings for him, perhaps she wasn't. and here she sat, curled up and watching the views, trying to decipher whether or not he'd be different. he had survived the war just barely. it would be acceptable for him to change. did he still have the millions of freckles dotted along his face? her face flushed just thinking about it. bringing her hands up to her cheeks she shook her head. chile, y/n, he probably has a girlfriend. it's been two years, and he didn't like you two years ago, he won't like you now. the thought alone made her frown. "what's got you blushing and frowning like mad?" angelina looked at her through the mirror in the front of the car. george whispered something in her ear and she giggled. "y/n, is this possibly about a certain fred weasley?" her eyes widened. "nope, not at all." "really? so you were definitely not thinking about the amount of freckles my twin has on his face? hmm?" "no! george, seriously?" she stuck my tongue out at him. "or his ginger hair?" angelina added. "no! you guys are idiots!" she folded her arms. "and she's blushing again," angelina sniggered. "stop!" "it's okay, he blushes about you way more," george laughed, eyes on the road. "stop, stop, stop!!!!!" "it is true." "no it isn't, okay? erm, i don't like him, he doesn't like me. we're best friends. you guys are gross." she resumed looking out the window, shaking her head. they had reached a pretty big house with two levels, with large windows that y/n would absolutely die to have and cute little bricks sticking out. "what? i thought we were going back to my parent's house?" "you wish." "who are we visiting?" "oh just a person i know from work," angelina said with a twinkle in her eyes. "okay. did we bring anything?" "just you," she replied, "me and george are heading back to our place. your stuffs at your parents." george nodded. y/n frowned, "okay." she bounded up to the door and knocked a couple of times. the door opened and she immediately began babbling off a greeting and an introduction without looking at the person. "i'm y/n l/n, and i understand you're from angie's work! it's nice to meet yo-" her eyes were met by chocolate brown ones, framed by so many freckles. fred lived in this place? "it's good to see you again, miss y/n l/n," he grinned and oh my oh my, y/n felt her heart skipping beats all over again. fred was worried when there was silence, but he was pleasantly surprised when he felt arms wrap as much as they could around his waist. true to his nature, his cheeks turned as red as his hair. he breathed in the smell of her hair, the smell of her and oh he had missed her so much. "i missed you a lot," he mumbled, tightening his grip around her, "so so so so so much." "me too, freddie," there that nickname was, and it made him possibly weak at how pretty she was and how pretty her voice was. when she let go, he almost felt empty, and so he snaked an arm around her waist. "your place is so beautiful, freddie!" his secret was that he had bought it hoping that she would

live with him. he knew she loved beautiful windows and bay windows and balconies. "not as beautiful as you, lovely." and his eyes were graced by her flustered expression, her cheeks tinted the most delightful shade of pink. "but the windows! gosh they're pretty." "wanna live with me?" he dropped the question ever so casually. "are you sure? i've got an apartment set up and all so it's no big deal-" "no. i want you to live with me." "then your wish is my command, i guess. i don't have much stuff though." "that's fine! i knew you would say yes so i got a bedroom ready for you." she hesitated. fred looked at her. "is everything okay?" "i-i don't want you to think that i'm best friends with you because you're rich or whatever and i feel like i'm taking advantage of your richness and it's not right?" "you're not, okay?" she nodded, still hesitating a little bit. "if you really feel bad you can come visit me and george in the shop and do some type of customer service. you'll be paid." "am i paying rent if i live here?" she asked. "no, y/n, i own this place." "don't you pay land tax?" "yeah, but it's not that much." "nope, i'm paying rent or you're not paying me for the shifts i do. or both. take your pick." "i won't pay you for the shifts. is this really a big deal?" "yes it is! it's money and morals. that's a very big deal." "okay, fair." "gimme a list of all my shifts please." "nah, you pop in whenever you can." "okay, when's rush hour?" "hogsmeade weekends and thursdays." ☆ it was night. y/n couldn't sleep at all. she was lying in the insanely boujee king sized bed and the insanely comfortable sheets, and she still couldn't fathom why she couldn't sleep. maybe it was because she always slept with one eye open in albania. habit. so she was just sitting in her bed, looking around the room. she was tired, but she couldn't be untired. and it would be selfish to disturb fred. but he had said his door was always open. so she crept out and made her way through the corridors, finally stopping at a door which she hoped was fred's bedroom. it was half ajar, so she peeked her head around it. he was asleep, a very thin blanket draped carelessly around his body, his ginger hair messy and his chest rising with every peaceful breath he took. his room was big and simple, cluttered in the most fred way. she approached him, tapping him on the shoulder lightly. "freddie??" he opened his eyes drowsily, "mmm?" "i can't sleep." "'ave you tried countin' broomst'cks?" "i can't sleep." "'kay," he pulled her into his bed, wrapping his arms around y/n and tucking most of the gryffindor red blanket under her chin. it smelled like him, "this 'kay?" fred was shirtless. y/n was blushing. "yeah." "mm, have a good night, okay? i'm here, you're safe." y/n nodded, feeling the most comfortable she had in two whole years, cuddling up to his chest as she fell into sleep. sleep. she hadn't properly slept in two whole years. every night would be spent either patrolling or anxiously preparing for the next day. when she did get some shut-eye, it was broken and restless. but her dreams were stopped with visions of terrifying death eaters casting sectumsempra onto the auror unit. she felt the pain she had endured through a long time ago. it left a scar on her back and imprints in her mind. it was impossible to forget. she remembered yelling as she saw another auror drop dead. running, running out of the hellhole of the death eater's base. "y/n, y/n," fred was shaking her awake. she was shaking, tears were running down her face. she fervently apologised to him. "don't say sorry, lovely," he wiped the tears off of her face, "what was your dream about?" "t-the mission, the death eaters w-were cutting people up and they got me." "oh darling, why didn't you tell me this before?" he asked gently, cradling her head to his chest. "it, it comes out at the worst times." "well you're not in albania anymore, okay, love? you're here, in london, and you're safe. you're okay, you're fine." she nodded, "sorry." "don't you dare,

it isn't your fault. sleep, okay? i'll wait for you to go to sleep before i do, yeah?" she nodded. her head fell onto his chest and fred traced gentle patterns on her back, whispering small nothings in her ear. for the first time, it seemed like fred could watch her without repercussions. even with her tear-stained cheeks and wild hair, she was beautiful. and when he had stayed up for hours into the night and morning for this girl, this was when he realised. he would do anything for her. he loved her.

[tarlos-spain]

The first time I feel useless

I have been in this spiral called Covid for three weeks; one week with the virus, positive, locked up at home, isolated from the world and two more in which everything should be fine, but I am not fine, my body is not fine, my muscles are not fine.

That has made me write this story that has become the most personal of my life, in which I have put all my emotions and feelings in Carlos' skin, imagining what it would be like for him to be sick, to be positive and everything else just when TK and he go back to live together in the new apartment, just when TK has come out of the hospital from a hypothermia that almost killed him.

It's not an easy story, nor is it one to pass the time.

It is a real story, mine, personal. You are welcome to share it with me, but it may be hard, I say no one is going to die, but it is possible that because of your own personal stories or you feel comfortable to read it.

Anyway, thank you very much.

Title: The First time I feel useless

Fandom: 9-1-1 Lone Star

Pairing: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand

Characters: Carlos Reyes, TK Strand, Andrea Reyes, Gabriel Reyes, the 126 Family

Chapters: 1/?

Summary: One day the fever suddenly spiked and Carlos thought it was nothing more than a very high fever. But the world had been fighting for three years against a terrible enemy that suddenly got in front of Carlos and did it at the worst possible moment. Being covid positive when your boyfriend just got out of the hospital for a hypothermia that almost killed him is not the best thing that can happen to you. But having a boyfriend who is one of the most stubborn people in the world who will do anything to take care of you when you need him the most, was something Carlos didn't have the strength to deal with.

Adknowledgments: Nothing you don't already know. Thanks to my girls @morganaspendragonss for the translation help and comments and @lire-casander for being my beta as well and the one that listen about my ideas.

Chapter 01

Mitchell's hand on his shoulder made Carlos raise his head. He'd had it resting on his hand for a while because he could barely hold it upright anymore.

He wasn't feeling well, he'd caught a nasty cold from sweating so much when he moved TK's stuff out of Owen's house. He hadn't had time to do it during the week between work and being by TK's side at the hospital.

He practically lived at the hospital, and the nurses turned a blind eye when he slept over at night outside visiting hours. But no one dared to separate them.

So, taking advantage of Gwyn's visit that weekend and her asking them if she could stay at the hospital with TK, Carlos spent the days moving boxes and furniture to the new apartment, going to the point of exhaustion.

"You don't look so good, Reyes."

"I think I've caught a cold."

When his partner put her hand on his forehead, Carlos thought he must have looked a lot worse than he imagined for Mitchell to worry about him like that.

"You're really hot, you should go home and get some rest."

"Nah, don't worry. We're going to do the shift and as soon as we get back I'm going straight home."

Mitchell looked at him with that reproachful look only a mother had, and he burst out laughing.

"I have no intention of letting you fall asleep in the car."

"I said, don't worry; it's not the first time I've had a bad cold and kept working."

Five hours later, and with the shift still to finish, Carlos found it hard to concentrate on the radio, which almost sounded like a distant murmur. He leaned his head against the window, but only for a moment, for fear of falling asleep.

He could almost imagine Mitchell throwing a glass of water in his face to wake him up.

He should go home, but in seven years on patrol he had never needed to take a single day off sick This was not going to be the first. Besides, he didn’t have long left on his shift.

At seven o'clock, when Mitchell parked the car back in the parking lot, Carlos jerked in his seat. He had closed his eyes for a moment and had either fallen asleep or passed out without realizing it.

"Jesus Christ, Reyes. You should see yourself." As she had done in the morning, Mitchell put a hand to his forehead. "You should go to the doctor and get that fever checked out."

The two of them got out of the patrol car and Carlos leaned against the hood, where he let his head drop for a moment. He felt dizzy; the few times he'd had a fever it hadn't been anything like this.

"Now I'll go home and crawl into bed," he muttered under his breath.

"You're not thinking of taking the car home, are you? In your condition you can't, or you'll end up having an accident."

Carlos had thought about driving; he didn't live far away and a little fever wouldn't be too much of a problem. But the truth was that he didn't feel up to the risk of falling asleep at the wheel.

Calling TK was not a good idea, not on his first day out of the hospital. He wasn't going to tell him he had a high fever, he didn't want to worry him and he certainly wasn't going to worry him unnecessarily.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and thought about who else he could call.

"Dad." He was starting to have trouble pronouncing the words right now, and he didn't need anyone to tell him he had a fever. He could feel his whole body burning and his hands were shaking. "I don't feel very well, could you come and pick me up to go home? I don't want to disturb TK."

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