#i don't like talking much about my life bc it's genuinely so embarrassing

[byanyan]

ㅤat this point, they're beyond wasted and vibing out to music that's too loud with several substances on standby for when the buzz starts wearing off. happy new year!!

[ofbreathandflame-archive]

stans are actually very funny bc they often time talk themselves into the weirdest corners.

the whole point of criticizing acosf and its handling of nesta's character is to prove the point that sjm...doesn't like nesta as a character. that's is literally THE point - that sjm often abandons her moral themes (abuse, trauma, assault, etc.,) for character's deemed as undesirable or villainous to a capacity - and its through the handling of those 'vilified' (i.e. main character opposed - not even villianous) that we can gauge the extent to which sjm actually believes the ideals of her story. like - it is alarming that the only tolerable, empathetic parts of the a court of silver flames were the moments you could tell where ripped straight from sjm's own life (the hiking, training, mind-stilling etc.,). any actual characteristics about nesta weren't explored...like at all. her relationship with feyre and elain, with her mother, her trauma from her sexual assault, her conflicted relationship with her grandmother, her life before the cabin, her life during the cabin. in 800 pages - i still don't know mama archeron's name. what was life like in the cabin? what did nesta do all day? what was the dynamic? what was going on between elain and nesta?i don't know anything about her and nesta, we don't know anything about nesta's human life, her conversation with clare bedor, her relationship with clare beddor, moments with her dad - not even touching moments with him (and part of this story is her finding love for her dad). mind you we read 800+ pages and we learned absolutely nothing about her.

we essentially read sjm's emotional journey in one part, and a taming of the shrew narrative in another. i think the only way sjm had genuine interest in exploring nesta's story is through essentially self-inserting herself and avoiding the actual plot-points she set up in the first three books. like did nesta have childhood friends? if losing the wealth so drastically affected her life wouldn't she reminisce about it a lot? would she yearn for her mother? who were her childhood friends, how did she function at court?

and the whole point of saying alll of that is to argue the misuse of these topics - serious discussions abuse are only reserved for certain situation, and others its completely undermined in a way that only reinforces the negative ideals to begin with. (i.e. nesta needs to abused bc..." "the intervention was harsh but" - pair that with discussion around what feyre needed in acomaf - and it makes much more sense).

nesta antis often jump between the fact that nesta is so favored that sjm nerfed feysand to 'redeem her' and arguing that sjm secretly does everything in her power to embarrass and secretly laugh at people who like nesta's character. (1) we've gotta pick one or the other (2) in my humble opinion - sjm would have always given feyre a pregnancy plot like this regardless of whether this was nesta's book or elain. its literally so sjm. im shocked people are surprised she pulled the pregnancy as she did.

as with the tamlin discussion we had under this post - i think the story undermines its discussion of abuse with feyre/tam by essentially insinuating that tamlin (when placed in the same victimized position as feyre) should have sucked it up and braved out his abuse with amarantha (and the same with rhysand as well - esp with the deliberate foil of rhysand's 'willingness' v. tamlin's unwillingness). and when we start to have a real conversation ultilizing our own irl analysis and standards we really see how harmful and rather sisyphean the conversation becomes. instead of engaging with these topics earnestly, they only engage in them to prove a point - which is how the issue began in the first place. the whole issue with rhysand isn't the fact that he engages with harmful, potentially villainous positions. no - its that the book wants to prove that tamlin is wrong by justifying rhysand's actions. so even though rhysand and tamlin almost always have the same written and expressed intentions in their abuse of feyre, the book flocks to justify one, and eschews the other. and thats why we get so much reactionary critcism of rhys that is surface: people only admit the problems because they know antis will, not because they actually believe their are issues in the story.

and perhaps im still speaking into a void here but i can tell there's tension between pro stans wanting to have these serious conversations but understanding they can only really introspect so far until the conversation begin to prod at the validity of the topics being brought forth. so stans have to jump between invalidating the romantasy genre ("its just faeries") and treating this book as a serious topic (cue: "sjm put a hotline in the back of the book"). this is also the exact reason why the racism conversations stall (i.e. why inherent superiority is always passively emphasized - despite cc1 + 2 centering human oppresion there is no human in the ensemble cast. despite the fact that illyrian women are the most oppressed - rhys has no illyrian women - or reg illyrians (not his brothers) in his inner circle. aelin 'sacrificing' her human body).

[siyzuii]

  ✦    ⤹    점점 더 난 네게 ���져가    ⊹    ❍

    ⟢    ₊    ↷ 𝒴ou attack my heart!

⠀   ͡ ׅ ۟  kassiadreams/siyzuii  ָ֢  ֹ  ֹ ۪ 𝟥 new layout? do we fw it?

✦   ⁔⁔ ۪   my first moodboard ever idek what they're used for but i love making them (not dr related like i said it would be.. but oh well i'm obsessed with chuu in the underwater mv anyway) i hope it looks decent?? might put one for every post if i feel like it heheheh ⊹  ֗  

☆⠀⠀𓈒⠀⠀ׁ⠀⠀this song is truly the cutest thing ever and a literal masterpiece at that, dare i say my fav kpop song!! ok now back to the actual post sorry LOL⠀ ׅ⠀⠀ ͡

── NEW INTRO POST 🔔

◌⠀ׁ₊   ˚  hiii!!! this is my shifting blog (and also my main blog)!! my username used to be siyzuii and i used to go by xylia or léa so u might know me from there but i go by kassia now! (close friends can still call me stella ofc)

i shift.. obviously anyway i've shifted to my dr 3 times now and shifted to parallel realities (on accident too) like a whole lot of times i can't even count

i have discord, tiktok, and instagram but i pretty much only use discord & tiktok, i exclusively use insta if there's someone i'm friends with that genuinely doesn't have any other socials.

note that i also only post shifting content on here. but i'm also 10x more active on discord & tiktok (mostly discord) than i am on tumblr, so feel free to add me (pls ask for my user first bc i have anti shifter friends and i don't want them finding this lol)

i also write and make edits (like every 2 months) yay!!!!

── INTERACT NEOW!!!

other shifters (specifically kpop shifters i need my spotify premium back. hi yes lets yap about our drs together pls) (honestly i'll yap with anyone about each others drs) (this is a silent invitation)

i don't care if you don't believe in shifting, if you respect people who do believe in it (and aren’t gonna force your beliefs on them) feel free to interact! i don't know why you would but whatever

cool people!!!

── GO!!!!

anti shifters (bye)

basic dni criteria

people who actively hate on everything (do you have a life?)

── WHAT TO EXPECT FROM MY PAGE

shifting content (mostly storytimes & yapping and whatever with the occasional sprinkle of memes)

shitty & messy blog layouts because idk how this app works

rants

yapping

probably me going inactive for either 2 days or 2 weeks straight (school keeps me busy and i already skipped my homework for this)

i might call u slurs if we get close!! (THAT I CAN RECLAIM)

me NOT talking about my favs (i cant openly talk about them idk why it's so embarrassing bye)

potentially horrid english because english is not my first language (i pull this excuse every time)

slow replies on here bc i forget about this app 24/7

── MY CARRD

kassiadreams.carrd.co

literally this whole thing summarized

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ♡ ͟ ׂ 𓂂 THANKS FOR 400+ FOLLOWERS I LOVE YOU GUYS MWAH !! should i do anything special?? if u have any ideas lmk and i'll see what i can do LOL

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ⊹ ׂ ok i know a while ago i said to drop some stuff in my ask box bc i'm bored but i havent answered any of them yet BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO FIND THEM UNTIL I GOT ON MY PC AGAIN so i'm gonna restart this time i SWEAR ill actually go over them from now on everything you ask i WILL see. thx guys!!!!

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ⋆ ۫ ໒ give me post suggestions i beg..

[fappellmoan]

ok um i am going to vent on something as someone with an outside perspective and people are going to be normal about that right. okay lol. im sick of hearing about taylor swift <3 as compared to a few years ago even she is like... suffocating. and i feel like we never advance this conversation because on one hand we have people who swing into full misogyny when talking about her, and on the other we have people who won't admit that she blatantly uses feminism to deflect from her problematic behaviors, or at least they won't like, do anything about it, and in this way she sort of ends up misleading a lot of young girls into like. girlboss liberal white feminism. im not saying shes a supervillain for it but you can't deny the ramifications of what she does and doesn't speak up about, just given the absolutely massive platform she has. she is the biggest pop star in the world

for the record, i don't expect taylor to be like. a normal person. she was very famous from a very young age and people aren't normal about teen/adolescent stars, especially when they're girls and women. she had her personal drama aired out in front of the world, had so much misogynistic dialogue surrounding her, from demeaning her success to interrogating her dating life (and never holding the pedos who preyed on her at a young age to any sort of standard!) and for many years people weren't very critical of that. it was normalized to be trashing this young girl's name and saying vile shit about her to like the entire nation and i dont blame her for being like, a little off after that. and yeah i also don’t think we should look to celebrities as our end all be all of activism and opinions on sociopolitical issues

but we've gone full swing into like. she is so famous and so big that her actions can be harmful and she does these things anyway because she doesn't expect her fanbase to hold her accountable, lest they be acting like the very sexists who tried to ruin her career. at least i imagine that's what the thought process is like, at least at some level, but at this point it's just like. this woman makes so much money. so much money it's ridiculous. idk how y'all fathomed paying so much for concert tickets but like i'll give props that they at least seemed to have some insane production/theatrics... so like alright. there's that.

but she is reselling the same songs. sometimes that don't sound that good. and making more money off that. yes yes to 'officially own them' and whatever. and releasing vault tracks and other versions of albums with different songs on them. but never all the same bc u need to collect them all. and the thing is some of them are like kinda bad. but you listen to them anyway because we live in a time of overconsumption/consumerism in late capitalism and it's like trendy and fun to be able to tell what song of hers is playing in the first millisecond. sorry or just your personal attachment to her. and don't say it's embarrassing to be a taylor swift fan these days she's like. so huge. and some of you equate embarrassment with having to hear criticism toward her. which might not be as common if swifties idk stepped it up and actually expected something from her?

which i guess is getting me to my main point here. can you imagine like. what would happen if taylor swift actually said anything about palestine? or anything of value in the world right now? no one's asking her to be a fucking scholar on it but genuinely sorry there’s like a genocide. several. the most documented real time genocide of our time i don’t care if it makes you upset that people expect something from her. she is time's person of the year. she has everyone from young girls to lesbians to gay men to bored football wives to dads to well fucking etc you get the point tuned in. she has dabbled in so many different spaces done so many collaborations aligned herself with so many entities who can keep up? if she, as massive as she is right now, posted something as simple as 'free palestine' or called for a ceasefire, can you imagine what would happen? i can’t help but think about it when day in and day out my feed is filled with screaming people being pulled from rubble or having their limbs amputated.

but she won't, because, quite frankly, what does she have to gain from it? she’s teaming up with the nfl right now to make some more money, she's gotta have at least like 4 new albums recorded in the last two years and at least um what three more that you're expecting? and she doesn't even have to like? write new music really? (edit: oh boy!) why the fuck would she be doing anything with her time other than poisoning the planet with jet fuel to visit her pr boyfriend?

taylor swift is never gonna be punk or what the hell ever beyond like a white liberal-at-best moderate woman. but if any of you could talk to each other and talk about, like, organizing in ways that it would be impossible for her to continue to ignore these situations, and just keep playing her tour FILM (how could i forget) in israel and etc, like if you could flood her socials or do a mass movement (and it would be massive given the sheer amount of peoples' top artists she's in) of not listening/buying/interacting with her stuff, until her agents and whatever had to make some sort of statement? like that's the only chance we've got with her

i'm not saying don’t be her fan, or listen to her music, or have an attachment, etc, but she's been around enough vile, anti-feminist, racist things this past year that y'all DO need to hold her accountable. like way more than you do. or it's going to be like really difficult to. tolerate it. haha. like you SHOULD be vocally and loudly disapproving of her actions when it causes a lot of damage overall. speaking up about her insane climate irresponsibility when we're having the hottest years on record is not the same as the people who felt the need to like pick apart her dating life on the news. but can we talk about how she's officially like. circled back and now is purposefully making news about her dating life? for her personal gain and that of the fucking nfl? lol. in a way it is funny for her to ‘take that power back’ in a way, of her image, and i think that’s how some people might view it, but like on the other hand she obviously is gaining a lot from this. you know. a lot of actual money. she is going to profit off this image of her being misunderstood etc for as long as u guys allow it and well i just think that has run its course. yk

continuing into 2024 (edit: and now with the release of a new album!) i don't want to see swifties automatically exonerating themselves from difficult conversations because like they feel like their fave has faced enough unwarranted criticism. or bc other people should also be criticized. much of it is warranted! and you guys need to grow up and be able to talk about it and stop painting taylor swift's face as like the Pinnacle of feminism. she doesn't and shouldn't have to be, and she isn't, and she should in fact be held accountable when she does really fucking shitty things on account of they're shitty! i don't care that she's a woman! it's like that meme of oh yay a woman democrat sent these missiles. oh yay a woman is massively damaging the planet and proudly dated a violent misogynistic racist, and faced minimum criticism for these things over and over because your only comeback is ‘well what about’ if a man did the same thing, etc, you refuse to just look at the situation we do have. yes we should. we should do that we should hold men accountable but you can also like not accept awful fucking behavior from your faves when you have a chance. do you think that’s helping feminism genuinely. use your voice use your power (your money) to like. do something for once. i cannot keep living in the taylor swift echo chamber.

and for the record. i like enjoyed taylor like back when i was a young girl and she had a few songs on the radio, and i honestly even had a moment where i used guys' opinions on her as a first step to navigate who i felt safe around in a very hypermasculine sexist college space. because yes. some people do need feminism 101 and some people's genuinely misogynistic rage will be demonstrated in their hatred of taylor and her success. but at some point we gotta move on from that. if some people will look at the most powerful woman in the world, who has enough money to stay away from them and an extremely massive loyal fanbase watching and supporting her every move - if some men take out their hatred on her, a powerful white woman, how do you think they view and treat women who are not white, thin, "conventionally"/eurocentrically attractive, or accessible to cis/het audiences?

anyway i hope that i can bring a conversation to the swiftieverse cause i honestly believe u guys could have comparable impact to like. bts stans. maybe. if you put your minds together for a good cause. and we don’t have to do the oppression olympics or whataboutisms or WHATEVER for forever. can we please move the conversation forward does anyone else feel insane with like where we’re at

on that note, i really do think now is the perfect moment for you to disrupt shit with your voices and demand better from her. it might not save the world, but it could make a huge difference in changing peoples' minds

okay um. thanks 👍

tldr i can’t do another year of swiftie discourse i just can’t please if there is a god out there help us

[illyrianbitch]

Yeah, I don't think I would deal well with my best friend gossiping about my love life either. It does feel like judgement and not support.

But the tag to worry about Selene? I do worry about her. The moment Az said that she believes the reader is in love with him? Manipulative bish.

And I forgot to point it in my previous ask, but I like that you crested a new character to be the one between Az and reader.... There's a lot of fics with Elain as the selfish villain, so I like when I see her happy.

yes!!

we have seen see readers pov so we understand it’s coming from a place of genuine care and concern. we can assume from some context that other people in their fam, cue mor or nesta, were probably very blunt and dry about the subject to az, but reader and him are closer!! and she’s trying to give it the benefit of the doubt but sees him changing and she’s stressed

but to az, who is probs tired trying to meet these new boyfriend expectations and so desperate to be in love, all he’s seeing is 1. the important females in his life not trusting him and immediately jumping to judgment and 2. his best friend seemingly talking about his unfortunate love life with those from his unfortunate love life. homeboy is embarrassed!!! embarrassment can make people so stupid and irrational

and his lil out outburst has now lead to, a perfectly validated tbh, reaction from reader that is bitter bc she was reduced to some jealous girl 🥲 they’re all so silly

and i’m so glad!! i do my best to avoid elain being vilified in my fics!! we rly don’t know much about her but she’s been described as sweet and sees good in the world, not someone who is just vindictive or mean (and i severely doubt elain would be invested enough to be a selfish villain…girl quietly returned az’s gift after a failed kiss, cmon)

[luminouslywriting]

Hi. Hope you’re doing well. I’ve been enjoying all your fics and headcanons so far ☺️

Do you have any headcanons for being Brady’s first time?

Hi sweet Nonny! You're so kind! I've just about caught up with all of my requests, so keep sending them in! Also, my Band of Brothers requests are open as well, so feel free to send me any for that!

More below the cut, cut for length, spice below:

-POST-WAR because I'm sorry, this man is NOT about to get married before the war and he's absolutely waiting till marriage....sorry not sorry

-That being said, I think there's a huge buildup of trust and intimacy already due to time, distance, connection, and sexual acts

-So when it is his first time, it's simply the most glowingly beautiful and positive thing in the world

-Before things even get started, just seeing you in lingerie makes him believe that he's died and gone to heaven haha

-Has SO MUCH fun with the foreplay of it all....we know he's skilled with his hands AND his mouth and he enjoys making sure that you're pleasured and satiated before getting to that point himself

-I think he's prepared for his first time in the sense that he's thought about it a lot and knows exactly how he wants everything to go down and has a lot of confidence in it

-He's very sweet and encouraging the entire time

-Enjoys you being vocal and hearing you make noise; it definitely spurs him on

-I genuinely think he might get a little emotional because he's waited so long and it's just such a pure moment of love-making and intimacy between the two of you

-PRAISE KINK activated

-Is traditional (at least at first) about where you have sex for the first time and it's going to be in the honeymoon bed haha

-He's a top, I don't make the rules

-SOFT! DOM Brady who sets the pace and is gentle and stops to ask if you're doing okay bc he's worried....but you're just a little overstimulated and you'll be fine heheh

-Absolutely kisses your hand before and afterwards

-I think he absolutely loves dragging it out as long as he possibly can—so I'm talking about the agonizingly slow sort of sex that's frustrating but the orgasm is mindblowing

-Literally calls you the most precious thing in his life

-Is constantly like "my wife, my dear, my love, etc."

-Also though, he can't help but think about you pregnant and so he's trying to finish inside of you as many times as it takes to get you pregnant off the get go haha

-Eye contact and hand holding are really important to him

-Definitely a hickey leaver, especially in between thighs and on the chest area

-Won't admit it without some slight embarrassment, but enjoys seeing the marks you left on him as well

-He tells you he loves you at the end of it all

-King of aftercare and pillow talk

-He also loves getting to bathe with you afterwards too

-Is honestly in the seventh heaven and totally convinced that maybe you're just heaven or an angel in human form after all of that

[lesbianriverphoenix]

life has been so cuckoo lately....i'm in my first genuinely truly stable healthy relationship where we're both talking and thinking about the future. it's only been six months of knowing her and it feels like so much time and also no time at all. we spend so much time together and it's been amazing and also very hard and scary sometimes and i'm working through so many anxieties and emotions that i didn't realize i needed to since my last tornado of a relationship and i'm doing it all without my therapist. which i do feel like i can handle since we parted mutually and i've never felt so in tune with myself and my feelings and why i'm feeling them.

i started my first full time salaried job four days before i met my girlfriend. i like some things about it and i hate a lot of things about it lol bc in multiple elements (pay, hybrid policy, etc) it's seriously lacking compared to most other jobs i applied for but this is the one that took me so i just have to settle and get through it until it's appropriate to look for a new one. i've been thinking about money sooooo much lately re both being in a relationship with someone who makes considerably more than me and whose entire social circle essentially does as well. feeling very frustrated on that front and just like there's nothing i can do about it bc i chose to live in my dream city and not work in tech or some shit and i don't have rich parents who can buy me a gorgeous prospect heights apt. like that's just that and i'm working so hard through my feelings of basic jealousy and bitterness about it. it feels embarrassing and shameful to articulate how much i hold but i really always have and i need to figure out how to have a more healthy relationship to money and not constantly comparing myself to others bc it's just not productive.

i'm soooo busy all the time and i'm still figuring out how to take care of myself and my space and slow down while thinking about how much time to spend with my girlfriend, with my friends without my girlfriend, with my friends AND my girlfriend, with my girlfriend's friends! it's so much! not to mention taking care of basic necessities re groceries and laundry and my cat. like holding all of that in my head at once it's terribly overwhelming to consider but i can't stress enough how this is also the happiest and most stable i have been in a long long time. i'm tearing up right now with gratitude for it. for months after my traumatic ass breakup last year and then finishing grad school i kept saying the only two things i wanted to make me a happier person are a full time job and a serious relationship. i literally found both of those in june of this year....is that not wacky doodle??? i knew life wouldn't be perfect with those things and there's plenty to stress over, always is. but there's so much to be grateful and excited for that at times in the past i never ever thought would happen for me. it takes my breath away :)

[wrongcaitlyn]

what r ur fave solangelo stories??? imma be honest, i need more popstar AUs. tyt has set my standards WAYY to high! i honestly think ur one of my favorite fanfic authors. your writing style in just *chef's kiss* MWAH

also i think i remember u saying ur aroace??

well, this is just a question (you dont have to answer if ur not comfortable) did nico and will have sex yet in tyt, because they've been together for like 5 yrs or smth but yea

ahsdhlgf i have so many!!!! i still need to check out the solangelo week fics bc i'm sure there are some absolutely incredible ones on there (for some reason i just haven't been feeling like reading solangelo lately, it's been a bit sporatic) however!! i still have PLENTY of recs - i know that i've made a post in the past with some of my favorite fics, and i also have public rec bookmarks on my ao3 if you want to check those out!!

but if you want more specifically fame/band/popstar au's (bc i completely agree, we NEED more of them. like pls make characters famous irl more often it's my absolute favorite trope) here are some of my favorites!!

paris by ethannku is an au where nico is a youtuber, so not singing, but it's formatted so so well and i'm absolutely in love with it!!! (also, i'm just genuinely obsessed with this idea)

Lo-Fi Heart Beats by alchemical_acrobat and Paint_splatt is a streamer au, and one of my favorites. honestly just any sort of fic where they have a fandom makes me soo happy and this one was so sweet!!

can i handle the seasons of my life? by buoyantsaturn has will as a burnt out child star and is now in college, so *technically* he's not a popstar (aside from his previous dcom songs) but!! it is still one of my favorite all time fics and has some aspects of the fame au!

he was seen on occasion (pacing the rocks, staring out at the midnights sea) by stargirltv IS!!!! one of the greatest popstar au's ever. like, nico's a bedroom pop artist, but i'd be so lying if i didn't say this partly inspired talk your talk (even tho ngl, i picture every single one of my favorite characters as popstars, it's my favorite passtime) i highly highly highly recommend!!!

and okay lesterlicious by apopcornkernel isn't a solangelo fic... nico and will actually don't even appear by lester and meg have a youtube channel and i fucking lvoe this fic so much like please please readlkjsfd

so i realize only one of those is a popstar au but we're just in a severe drought of them rip😭😭 but these all have fame aspects to them and i highly recommend them!!

as for the other part of the ask, yes i am aroace! and i tend to lean more towards the sex-repulsed side of the asexual spectrum (or rather, it's less discomfort and more just embarrassment to me, like, i just have to cringe whenever reading smut/attempting to write even anything impliedlkjsf) so don't worry about the questions, they don't make me that uncomfortable! to answer the question: yes, they probably have lmfao😭 i don't really think about it all that much, but i also don't hc either of them as ace *in this universe* (that is very important, i definitely hc them as ace in other universes) so it has happened by now - as to when/where/how that happened, i will leave that up to you bc i don't think i'll ever actually write it/imply that (i will simply cringe at my keyboard too hard)

thank you for the ask!

[i-have-dots-in-my-brain]

ayup mates, its me (that one fucking guy that shows up in your fever dreams to offer you garlic bread then fucks off into the void) (i think you need to get a therapist btw)

Call me dots or dot (not correct but when saying something belongs to me you use "dot's". idk why don't ask me)

My cara page (for art): https://cara.app/ihavedotsinmybrain

They/them she/her it/its ( welcome to the mad lab we do experiments with the funny goofy hjinks with the genders here)

TAG GUIDE : my art (self explanatory), dot's thoughts (mad ramblings) (extra note, there are two versions of dot's thoughts, the other one is with the phone version of ' so you can go look for that if you wanna see me posting from outside the comfort of my room and computer), dot’s travel journal (me on holiday), my persona (obviously just my persona) *prone to updates

dumbass who likes to draw ocs and shit. (posts like there is no tomorrow but also like i have all the time in the world) (oc x canon stuff also) (some fanart ig)

if you wanna find my (mostly serious) art, check out @dots-in-my-head (send me asks and dms on this blog) also i have started putting fandom stuff there too so if you want to get my fandom doodles you can look to there as well

still questioning sexuality but currently aro/ace? (idk i'm not in a rush lol) (i WILL dabble in the arts of questioning me sexuality on internet if you got problems with that shoo)

my loveley husband (@octoxxt, pls ignore this blog dude its embarrassing)

why do you need to know my age, ‘you a cop?

will not draw smut or NSFW bcs i will start howling with racous laughter and melt. (i don;t even read smut in fic dude what do expect me to be able to draw im a cartoonish obviously anime style inspired semi-realism but not really shitty doodle artist you put your hopes too high if you think i can draw a dick without making it look like a piece of middle school desk graffiti)

i've got a bit of a dirty mouth but everything is pretty vanilla . (i make edgy dumb jokes sometimes, but it's not my actual personality peace 'n love on planet earth okay) (any time i say i wanna kms IT IS A JOKE) (most of my posts are /srs i will mark it if its a joke i know the pain of not knowing if it was a funny joke or not i gotchu other autistic peeps)

please talk to me god i am lonely (i am serious about this i love it when people rb and scream in the tags it genuinely makes my day) (send me asks send measkssendmeaskssendmeasks—)

Absolute art machine(whether the art is good or not is a big question that i am not ready to answer) makes shitty animations sometimes idk.

Uses lol too much. Chinese, knows mandarin (translate the random messages for maximum brain damage) i don't know simplified but i do know traditional (please talk to me i need to practice my chinese reading skills) am i a furry? idk but if you're mad about it you can fuck right off (i have a couple ocs and my darling fursona)

am currently inbetween fandoms, fandoms i am (kind of) active in are hetalia, scp, dnd, genshin, pjo, bg3, apothecary diaries, jrwi riptide and csm (list is prone to updating because fandom is my support system) (you wont see my art for most of them but the brainworms are there and sometimes i let them take over)

old fandoms or the fandoms i lurk in (i visit them often): eddsworld, demon slayer, pokemon, vocaloid and wof. (also prone to updates as i remember stuff)

note : i am still in school and have a life outside the internet so stuff will be delayed (which is why i am only kind of active) (i go missing sometimes i am not dead life is just lifing for me)

Do not say anything about how cringe I am I know trust me (it’s a coping mechanism lol)

if you're concerned, you're very right to be. I am very incoherent (most of my life updates have actually devolved into cries for help, please talk to me)

also if you don't like my art or ships just leave(any critique about anything i make shoots a bazooka straight into my heart and behind the screen i crumble into a cartoonish pile of ashes and bones as i stare at the screen blurred by tears) (unless I ask for critique then i brought this on myself and i’ll walk it off don't worry)

(Both of my personas)

My flags (might be updated)

[fagnumopus]

Highlights of my bisalp surgery yesterday:

Pre-op nurse measured my height and I immediately groaned when she said 158cm, "I thought I was at 160cm!!" and she replied with "You're still taller than me!! I'm 4'11" and ¾".... with my crocs" and she lifts up her foot to show a pair of HEELED CROCS making me LOSE IT

Surgeon assistant asked about my allergies and when I said "just dust" he said "don't worry, we're not gonna administer that"

I was laid down on the surgery table and finally took off my glasses and said, "I don't think I need to see anything anymore, thanks guys" and the surgeon replied with an AGHAST, "but you still need to see me!!!" making me laugh my ass off

The anesthesiologist leaned over my head and introduced himself, super sweet and polite, and I said, "oh, so you're the one who's gonna send me to the Shadow Realm", prompting like half a dozen nurses and the surgeon to snort under their breath or straight up laugh

Surgeon assistant asked me what surgery I was getting, and I said, "A laparoscopic salpindectomy. Basically, I'm getting spayed", he looked at me very tiredly but I made some random nurse laugh so it was worth it

Anesthesia girl accidentally used she/her pronouns for me and a chorus of like 3 people corrected her with "he!!!" and she leaned over my prone body like I was a table, laughing to herself in embarrassment and apologizing profusely, and I just laughed and said "omg no it's ok girl"

Same anesthesia girl put the gas mask on me, and I said, "oh hell yeah, take me out", making the whole OR team laugh

Nurse told me to take deep breaths. I took some deep breaths and sloooowly felt my body going numb but still was very much awake, she asked very confused, "is... is that the deepest you can breathe?" and I just replied, "oh damn ok" and breathed in DEEP and went, "oh yeah it's happening. My body feels funky. Goodnight" immediately before conking the fuck out

When I woke up the post-op care nurse asked me how I was feeling, and I was fully honest, "Feels like the worst high from really cheap weed" and she laughed LOUD and had to compose herself bc we were in the recovery room lmao

Another post-op nurse gave me some crackers and 3 boxes of apple juice, which I drank fully, and she said I was "a really good drinker!!! Such a good drinker!" like 3 times, with the tone of someone who's genuinely impressed, so I chose to take it as a compliment (OR nurses of Tumblr please let me know why she was so impressed with my hydration skills)

3rd post-op nurse asked me if I liked the underwear they gave me and I said, "girl yes these are so comfy" and she whispered conspiratorially to me, "do you want some extra ones? I'll sneak some extra ones in the bag for you" and I nodded profusely

In summary, it was a lovely experience and everyone was so sweet and kind. No one even ASKED why I was getting a bisalp, they just wanted me to be safe and comfortable... I'm super lucky to have had such a lovely team. I also requested the pre-op nurses to NOT tell me my weight, and mentioned I cannot confirm it because I don't know; they were super understanding and explained very kindly and apologetically they would still need to weigh me to know how much meds to give me (which I was aware of, not an issue), and then the nurse weighing me helped me waddle backwards to the scale and when I was about to turn just to readjust before getting off the scale, she said, "don't look don't look, hold on!!!" because she was still resetting it 😭❤️ they all asked me about my job, my life, where I'm from, etc, kept me engaged and talking at all times, from the moment I was called from the waiting room. I practically didn't even have the time to be anxious, they were all cracking jokes and checking in on how I felt... it was so nice. Bless that team fr. I wouldn't have had my sterilization any other way 💕

[welcomingdisaster]

I saw those anon asks about commenting/public praise for fic and I found the exchange, especially your comments, very helpful. I have a similar thing as you about (not) responding to comments/commenting on things that were done for me on AO3 in what I consider to be a timely manner and it's honestly a bit of a relief to know I'm not the only one who struggles with publicly responding (within my self-imposed time frame) and then just... not doing it from procrastination/embarrassment. I'm also trying to get better at it bc I love being a part of the fandom ecosystem!! And it is difficult sometimes with all the not-imternet responsibilities. I didn't want to butt-in or make you contemplate this more than you have since you talked about how much is on your plate, but I wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one and I hope you're able to achieve your goals re: the plan you mentioned about wanting to engage more. Sending lots of love and support your way ❤️

Ah, as much as it sucks there's other people whose brain does this stupid little dance, it honestly really helps to hear I'm not alone in this! ❤️ I believe that we can get out of the procrastination-shame-procrastination loop, and give ourselves/others grace if we do not!

If it helps, I feel like I should have the tools to do this. My real life job is in behavioral health and I specifically have worked with executive dysfunction a lot and am trying to treat my own baggage here like that same sort of thing.

Here is, more or less, my working plan re: being more engaged. Yes, I'm being a little silly -- but I thought I'd share it if anyone else wants to be silly in the same way.

Today I'm going to identify the things I actually need to do to feel better about my own fandom engagement. There are specific things where I ""owe"" a comment, specific fics I want to rec, specific fics I want to read. I'm going to write these down so I have a list. Having a list is going to make it easier to just pick something and do it.

I'm going to remove or reduce my big time-waster distractions. This is good for my personal life and productivity as well as fandom shit. I am awful at this; I remove these every once in a while and then backslide. I think I'm starting with the manageable (ish) step of deleting the reddit and facebook apps from my phone and trying to reduce/be mindful of the amount I go to those things on desktop. Chosing those because I genuinely gain very little from them. Tumblr and discord, I will think about you later.

Gonna try to remember I can't do everything at once and maybe set a reasonable goal for myself (trying to figure out exactly what that is!). I tend to engage in bursts and then disappear again, and that is probably hurting me right now. Generally all or nothing ends up closer to nothing than all.

Anyways, I hope this wasn't a weird ramble in a response to this ask! Just trying to practice what I'm preaching and apply strategies to this. I think I have a gut response of "if it takes effort to get started it's like a job," but I don't think that's necessarily true. Plenty of things I love to do and want to do more of can be hard to begin.

Thank you for sending me this! It's good not to feel alone.

[jittyjames]

bootleg watching sunday!!

(here's what i watched/listened to earlier this week!!!)

JCS 2012 revival opening night

i got to listen to the jcs revival opening night audio and! oh boy! it's horrible! so we're not starting out strong here. this was the night josh young went on despite being sick (it was like a chest infection or something? bronchitis? pneumonia? he said in an interview that it got to a point where he couldn't even hear himself) and it is VERY OBVIOUS OH NO. his lower register is pretty okay in the first act, but he can not hit those high notes, baby. he's going into falsetto (and a weak one at that) every time. it's not the best look for the first number AND your broadway debut. and it goes downhill from there. he's trying his best and the acting is strong, but vocally, he didn't have the chops unfortch. i had to turn it off at superstar bc the second-hand embarrassment got too strong. it was that bad. by the end he was basically just screaming through it. paul and chilina and the rest of the cast were very good and were trying to make up for it. bless him. he was really trying. butttt on a positive note, i liked how growley and breakey his voice was in the last supper. it made for good emotion. he has to speak the "christ you deserve it" line (bc man is struggling) but mannn. that hit. that's worth the whole boot tbh. his voice was also fine in cwsap. but... it does not make up for the horrible jesus hold in superstar, but we're acting like that doesn't exist. oki dokie. poor guy. he had an off-night. it genuinely does not reflect on his talent at all because from the headlines around that time he was veryyyy sick. so moving right along

Evita (National Tour 2013)

josh young in evita! he's a cutie! i typically like my che's with more bite and glare (raul esparza is my favorite. no one will ever beat raul for me. not even josh. so it’s gonna be hard not to compare) but this was a nice spin and he's so adorable and snarky. he's not playing che guevara here but just... some dude named che. we actually get to see him smile! halfway through i realized that bluedas only smiles ONCE in jcs and it's barely a flicker. so yippee. like i usually like the money kept rolling in to be sarcastic and snappy but he was just so damn adorable looking excited with the money. I CAN'TTTT. and josh hits high notes so gorgeously and clean that they made me gasp so it's different from what i usually like but it's still so good! and lemme get sidetracked to talk about how clean his vocals are? he does a lot in jcs but you can tell he vocally improved a ton between the jcs revival boot and this tour. he's killing it. BUT CAROLINE BOWMAN. WOW. WOWOOWOWOWOW. she might have become my favorite eva. she was excellent. and stunning. and her voice was absolutely CRYSTALS. side note, i have to admit. my tennessee education, no matter how private it was, didn't educate me on the peróns all that much. so i don't know the story beyond the musical. like idk is they’re like… reallly bad. so sorry if talking about this musical is problematic. just let me know💀

Life After

PAUL ALEXANDER NOLAN!!! okay i've found that i like his voice better when it comes to modern musical theatre. and god he does quirky and dad so well. he's adorable, too. all of these actors are just so damn adorable. i had never heard of this musical actually but i received it in a trade and actually REALLY enjoyed it. it's a fun, modern, grief tale. kinda reminds me of deh a little bit stylistically (not plot wise.) it was a proshot and i absolutely loved it. AND I COULD RATE IN ON LETTERBOXD. it's very very very quirky and a nice story. it should have more life tbh. just very cutesy. i loved it. and the lead actress was very good too! and i might have related to the sister character far too much (and it's not just bc i'm a vegetarian o7) i recommend this one if you can get your hands on it.

Jesus Christ Superstar Dutch Tour 2024

SAVED BEST FOR LAST SO I COULD EAT MY PASTA WHILE WATCHING!! AMSTERDAM 2024 JCS AMSTERDAM 2024 JCS AMSTERDAM JCS 2024. oh lord the whump in this one. a pretty jesus. a pretty mary. a pretty judas. and oh my GOD they are suffering. i’m not going to spoil much bc it’s still a new boot and i want people to have a chance to go end blind but HOLY SHITTTTT. i literally had full body chills at the start. genuinely believe this was my fav jesus and that’s HARD (jack and ben i still adore you.) AMAZINGGG vocals from him. AND JUDAS IS TATTED WHICH IS ALWAYS A CROWD PLEASER. mary and simon were also SPECTACULAR. mary is so well done and i adore her character in this. and i never really pay much mind to simon but he was so perfect here and had more depth too. the ensemble in general was fantastic (and fruity!!) the main ships for me in this one is jesus x mary and judas x floor. annas and judas has flavor here tho 👀👀) AND HEROD?? (camera disappointed by not getting jesus during… that but it looks like someone was blocking the camera) @feerz was right everyone. it’s good food. GREAT food even.

[sirenemale]

WARRIOR CATSSSSSSSSS LETS GOOOOOOOOO ❓️💢

I was hoping someone would ask for theseee YAY

❓️ : fav total background character (im not talking minor characters like say. whitewing or moonlight, i mean cats with like...3 lines tops)

This is sooo hard actually. I think most of mine still fall into minor adjacent cause they get some focus and lines. But I've always really liked Ashfoot, literally one of the only wc map parts I've made was about her. I always thought the windclan family dynamic of her being related to onestar was really fun. She just seems very together and competent and idk, I like that she and her husband were both deputies with a foot suffix.

I also always really liked breezepelt's kids, idk what they ever really got up to in canon but Smokehaze, brindlewing, appleshine and woodsong are such cute names. There's probably a lot to explore with how he'd approach parenting with how he grew up. I also think it's really cute that the older sisters ended up mentoring their younger siblings.

Also not super minor, but I guess semi-minor in terms of how often I see fan stuff for them. Pretty much every side or minor character in Graystripe's vow i really liked. Gremlin, Fury, all of warriorclan. Petunia especially, I think all of them you can draw some really fun parallels with first arc characters, I almost wish we'd gotten some kinda soft reset where we start following them instead of the kinda giant extended never ending conflict we have in the main clans. Fury is the antagonist obviously but I don't think she made any kinda impact on the fandom really, I just think she's fun. At the end when she's mostly defeated and bleeding out she crawls to the top of the high rocks in thunderclan camp and I was hoping soooo fucking bad she'd be deranged enough to just stand up there boasting until she died. Not what happened but it's what happened in my heart, not deep at all as a character I just liked that she got to be kinda crazy.

OTHER than thattt. I can only think of Red from Skyclan's destiny. There was a rogue camp and she had drama with her dad bc she had a boyfriend, then her dad Stick tries to kill that guy and she jumps in front first and dies and everyone regrets it lmao.

💢 : what scene made you the most irrationally angry upon first reading

The entirety of Squirrelflight's hope for 1. It was such a viscerally deeply upsetting book to me.

The scenes of Bramblestar demoting squirrelflight to children's tasks, not letting her leave the camp without telling him because she Challenged him, taking her autonomy away, guilt tripping her, telling her she's selfish for not wanting to kill pregnant woman who is going to leave in Less than a MONTH anyway. The whole book just made me feel crazy. It's crazy how uncharacteristically sadistic every character becomes JUST so squirrelflight can be made to look inconsiderate for Embarrassing her husband in public by telling him they can just Wait for them to leave. And it's worse because it does completely break her down, Bramblestar completely shatters her sense of confidence, her sense of safety and personality ALL for the book to treat it like it was two-sided, all for her to apologize to him for speaking up and then the book ends. I don't think warrior cats has ever written anything more vile than this genuinely.

I remember that scene where she brought one of the sisters, who was dying, into camp for Leafpool to treat. and bramblestar threatened leafpool, his sister-in law and their DOCTOR not to heal an outsider. when squirrelflight argues and protects leafpool, fights for sunrise, bramblestar asks Why are you doing this to me. Guilting her and forcing her to choose between saving a woman's life, protecting her sister, AND listening to him beyond all reason. Choosing anything else except him is Hurting him. That's the framing. And it's crazy bc this isn't normal for warrior cats either, again it's uncharacteristically sadistic, it goes against the code, and it's all so they could write this scene, so bramble could say that, So it would Hurt squirrelflight, and punish her narratively.

You'd think it's intentional writing but then you remember this is the last book he's meant to be Good, because the next arc he's possessed by ashfur and is meant to actually be abusive and possessive and terrifying, which he is. But it's just fucking mortifying that the writer's idea of Bramblestar at his best, at the point where everyone missed him, is this. That they consistently do believe their relationship is healthiest and most equal when she is completely submitting to him.

ANYWAY that;s not even the actual last scene that broke me irt actually reading warrior cats myself LMAO.

it was similar though it was the way they handled shadowsight in the broken code. Similar thing of a character who is being so outrageously abused, other characters around him are suddenly far more sadistic and cruel than they've been before just to further beat him down While also having it be narratively justified.

Anyway it's the scene where Shadowsight, mothwing (i think), lionblaze and willowshine are trying to access the dark forest or starclan to get bramble's spirit back. No one trusts shadowsight, they all literally hate him, especially Lionblaze. Shadowsight offers to go to the dark forest, knowing there's a good chance he'll die there. He does this because he's basically suicidal at this point, so wracked with guilt over unknowingly creating this situation and having everyone Blame him for it that he's like Let me make it right. Lionblaze refuses because he doesn't trust him, so Willowshine offers instead. Willow lies down and closes her eyes so she can dream herself into the dark forest and in one of the fucking rawest scenes they've had in a MINUTE she dies on the spot. Ashfur killed her spirit in the darkforest so fast that barely a minute after she closes her eyes her physical body DIES. Lionblaze immediatelyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy blames shadowsight for this and is like it should have been you why did you let this happen. And at that point i was really like. if i keep reading this series I am Actually going to smash my head into a walllllllllll. I think I did finish the book a while later and idk.

It's hard knowing so much of this could be really hard hitting writing about abuse and complex situations. I think the meta of warriors is really interesting, the way the authors misogyny and absurd hate for abuse victims literally warps the world and character morals book by book. The way it literally gets worse as the books continue. I can't stomach reading it myself anymore LMAO. But I also have permanent brain worms for warriors so I still keep up with the character drama in the new books, there's stuff that's really interesting to me. Looking at curlfeather, frostpaw and splashtail's stuff. But yeah

[dandyshucks]

ik it doesn't need to be said probably but i will say it anyways djdksl i am truly very sorry (and also very embarrassed) about all the venting here the past few days. i am ... really really really hoping things can be stable again soon, but right now things are genuinely scary in my life (moreso than usual!) and I am struggling to find any solid footing so I've been erratically trying to find a way to make some kind of stability for myself (which probably isn't healthy but it is stemming from a very terrified attempt at coping w my life being flipped on its side by things far outside my control).

and one of those ways i try to make any sort of stability for myself is like... putting something out into the world that shows I'm struggling because then I feel like at least I might be observed and therefore won't just disappear into thin air (<- paranoia and intense dissociation)

but I just want to apologize and also let y'all know I realize this is probably,, uhhh... I can't think of a good word for it. but like. Bad Behaviour in some way. I'm also sorry to be putting so much personal life on here because I really try so hard to keep any talk of the abuse and family bullshit off of here bc I know it's upsetting and uncomfortable for other ppl to hear about fhfkdl and I don't want to be off-putting :')

I will attempt to stop panicking publicly here about the situation and I also would like to thank y'all for ur patience and tolerance w me fjfkdl

[icanseethefuture333]

omg hi, can u do a reading on doja cat please... why whyy was she in those racial in*el chatrooms 😭 do u think she was bullied for being black/biracial when she was younger and bc of her dad not being present or something? ugh and her groomer bf. ugh crazy bc she has so much potential and talent to be even bigger imo. ugh doja 😭😭

This is such a good question because I was just thinking about how much I miss Doja's Hot Pink era 🤔 that was such an exciting time to witness as a fan! Her Scarlet era would of been much more enjoyable for me if she wasn't involved in so many controversies. I used to be a huge fan of her, but Doja's atttiude lately is just plain nasty. To answer your question about my opinion and everything. I believe Doja grew up in the suburbs and most poc can tell you that living in predominantly white spaces it is very racist and you will encounter microaggressions on a daily basis. Doja said that in her youth she didn't really have many friends and her brother would tease her for it. So I believe her feeling the need to turn to the internet and everything for finding a safe space would make sense? People also forget to realize that Doja isn't just a black/biracial girl, she is also neurodivergent. When you're black, alt, queer, have adhd/autism, etc. People are gonna perceive you as "weird" or you don't "belong". So I do think her having a absent father + living around mostly white people could of greatly affected Doja's self asteem. However, I don't believe her past justifies her current actions to this day. I won't dive too deep into someone's personal trauma because it's not my place and it's not something I personally like to do because not only does it make me uncomfortable but it's also unethical and immoral, but I can do my best to do a reading on why... Doja is the way she is.

Doja Cat behind the scenes: Amala

Personality

I think the small bits of her we see on live is really how she as a person behind closed doors. When she's really enjoying herself and being creative, is just how she's always been. Doja could be a "geek" or a "nerd". She has niche little interests that are special to her and gets so excited to talk about it. So for example, if you mentioned an anime she's watching, Doja would like light up like a kid in a candy store. Another thing is I feel like her spirit in general is very youthful? She does have a quirky personality but it's not as extroverted as when she is "Doja". Amala is more of an introvert, in fact, I believe her being in public spaces makes her feel a lot of pressure. Doja is really a "all bark no bite" type of person. Being a troll online gives her the ability to do the stuff she's not confident to do in person. She doesn't really know how to set boundaries as well in person than she does online. "People pleaser". It's really hard for Doja to say no or not entertain people. I also feel like when she is "Doja" her behavior is crazy, unfiltered, blunt, wild, and the life of the party. She becomes a mean girl from a 2000s movie come to life but more unhinged. As Amala though, it's the other way around. She's the nerd and is the one who hopes to impresse all the other "cool kids", even her character Doja. I feel like she actually gets embarrassed sometimes by the things she does for attention. "Why did I say that? Why did I do that?" When it comes being alone and in her own space, it's something she's used to. I genuinely don't even think she has like a close friend or if she does its not that many friends she has. Doja really only has her pets for comfort, security, and protection. I feel that Doja has a lot of inner child wounds that she needs to heal from because there is a lack of balance between this character she portrays herself as and who she really is behind the scenes. I believe it could be causing her some sort of identity complex.

Shy

Introverted

Creative

Youthful

Struggles to set boundaries

Falls into peer pressure easily

Has trouble fitting in or making genuine connections with others

Enjoys artistic hobbies such as painting, makeup, & music

Pets or animals are significant to her, they provide a healing presence

Identity complex issues

Is only aware of her self attributes but not her self concept (I.E: Knows her name, job, likes, dislikes, etc, but does not know what her morals or values are)

Career

The contract she signed was not beneficial to her at all, so Doja Cat is pretty much stuck with it until it is over. Doja Cat began her music career in 2014 and didn't become famous until 2019. So it took a lot of determination and sleepless nights for her to get to the top. She suffered a great deal of anxiety during this time and was over worked by her label, which has caused her to have mental breakdowns in the process. Doja's rise to fame was inevitable due to her ability to portray a duality of being sweet but also spunky. I believe her label wanted her to have this "ingenue" persona, which did attract a lot of money and appealed to a younger fanbase. Doja was sick of this though and felt like her dreams were starting to slip away from her. Doja enjoyed this era and seeing the fruits of her labor come intro fruition, but she knew if she continued to play the role of a "good girl" she would soon fade in with the other female artists in the industry. "I am a grown ass woman and I am not a little girl anymore!". Doja's "Scarlet" era was to create drastic change for herself and others around, it was uncomfortable, but was necessary in her eyes. She feels more confident, mature, and sexy with this new look of hers and does not care if it is received well or not. Doja could have more creative control in career now.

Love life

Doja's song "Addiction" could be an accurate description of her love life. I feel like she suffered from a lot of disappointment and codependency is a pattern within her relationships. Her partners become a "coping method" for her and it's how Doja escapes from the world. I'm almost getting she may suffer past trauma (possible symptoms of PTSD). She could experiences age regression in certain aspects, which unfortunately makes Doja fall victim to abusive or toxic partners. She was vulnerable and has been taken advantage of in her relationships, as well as having her heart getting broken many times. Doja also makes a lot of the wrong decisions whenever she does attract a healthy partnership because of her fear of being hurt or being attached to the wrong person. Self sabotage is a big factor. I also actually don't believe the man she is dating now will be the person she will be with long term. He is more so a reflection of her trauma and she just has been attracting the same person in different fonts. Doja could potentially feel torn between two people she's dated or will be dating. One person is from her past that she rejected and one will be someone new. The person from her past misses her deeply and wishes they could start over. This will be a shock to Doja and not something she will be expecting. They will dote on her and put in a lot of effort to make her happy. They both share similar wounds regarding their parents and could have fear of an abandonment. With this person, Doja could find herself feeling very loving to her partner and wanting to never leave them. She desires to do right by this person and make them happy. I could see her having a baby with them as well, possibly a baby boy? Doja will discover a part of herself that is more nurturing and emotional. They could be a divine counterpart or they will cause a spiritual awakening for her.

Tinychat rumors

So this is silly... but Doja was in those chatrooms because she liked the attention and praise she got lol 💀. People would always praise her and give her compliments, so that's mostly why she was present. I also think Doja Cat was like someone's "discord kitten" if that makes sense 🤣? She had a big crush on someone there (Doja could of even wrote "cyber sex" about them?), but I don't actually believe all of the people in these chatrooms were necessarily racist (which I remember watching videos about this when it happened and Doja wasn't actually the only poc there, there was also a few other poc present, but the one where she was only talking to white people went viral). So were there racists? Yes. Was there incels? Yes. Was that her intention to talk all of these people though? No. She was just crushing on one specific peeson and they would invite her to these chatrooms who were supposedly friends of theirs. So Doja would just hang around to fit in and she has a bad habit of doing shit for validation from others. Which consequently led to the video of her saying the n slur in the chatroom going viral. Mentally I feel she was overwhelmed during this time and was regressing? She literally would behave like a kitten for this person and could tell they were getting bored of her. Now the person Doja crushed on (who I feel was most likely a admin or mod) didn't spew hatred or anything of those things, but he wouldn't speak up to defend any of the poc in those chatrooms. So that would mean yes, they are racist by default because they allowed it to happen. Doja got special treatment in comparison to others though because 1. She was famous 2. The person's "crush" (more like a pet I should say...). As far as it goes for how Doja was treating other poc, she was ignorant about a lot of comments she made and regrets it, she mostly knew stereotypes but didn't actually have the proper knowledge of what's true for other poc (I got a whiff of a stinky scent and I believe that's a sign for her knowing her behavior was really "shitty" and knows that her not knowing better is a bullshit excuse 😭). People literally told her engaging in these chatrooms would be bad for her image and Doja was just really in her delulu phase before shit got real. I feel like someone even came to her house uninvited??? and was like literally stalking her (how scary!). That was when she realized shit got real and it was not a cute little fantasy anymore. Her life could of been in really danger at one point. It took a lot for her PR team to fix this situation and make sure she didn't get canceled or become a flop overnight, as well as having to hire extra security for her.

[alivegirlmari]

sorry i keep bothering u BUT i have another question😭 i was wondering if you’d seen this interview of melanie (https://youtu.be/xhHDMOEnuB4 the first minute and a half) and what you think of that because i’m pretty sure shauna does NOT care but to me jeff very much went from a sympathetic guy who loves his wife to a sinister little man😭 i get making bad decisions when you’re young but man😭

you are NOT bothering me omggg you could neverrr. me when i wake up to an anticurses ask and get to chew on it at work for the next two days: ❣️ 💕 💞 💓 💗 💖 💘 💝

i've seen a few people analyze that specific interview and tbh i don't think i have anything groundbreaking to add but i wanna just ramble about shauna anyways asdjnjsdk so! putting this under a readmore bc it'll probs be long-ish and incoherent <3

ok so. shauna's relationship to motherhood has always fascinated me. when i first watched yj it was all in one night, in a haze, during a not-good-mentally period in my life. so it took me an embarrassing amount of episodes to go from 'oh she hates callie bc callie's wilderness baby and thus a reminder of everything that entails, both jackie-related and trauma-related' to 'OH callie can't be wilderness baby, timeline wise, which adds an even more insane level to shauna returning to jeff post-crash'. bc the decision to date him let alone marry him has always been sooo interesting to me!! like yeah we all knew why but like, how did it happen? how long after the crash? did he call her up once she got out of hospital? did she go back to school? was it another drunk grief hookup thing again, but one that spiraled into more? did they discuss jackie at all? iirc, when he reveals he's read the diaries, he implies they never talked about the 19 months which is why he read them. but did they ever discuss jackie, separate to what happened in the woods? or was she the eternal elephant in the room? i mean, yes it's canon that shauna marries him out of guilt and shame and obligation, but the CALLIE of it all is the wildest part to me. bc she's pregnant with his baby, and then jackie dies and the baby dies, and then she goes back and has anotherrr baby with him, in spite of everything!!!!

so melanie p much saying 'she can't keep justifying her decision to not have kids with him, so they have one'. is like. well she's right!!! i can 1000% see jeff pushing to have kids and shauna, unaware that he knows about wilderness baby and not wanting to tell him, agreeing to it bc a) she'd rather die than talk about it honestly, b) the guilt of it all, and c) well that's what normal suburban heterosexual couples do isn't it?? get married and have kids!! and to me jeff has always been that guy, which he even admits in canon! he was always gonna be the high-school boyfriend to jackie, but that's his life role, too: he stays in his home-town, he owns a business in his home-town, his only friend is his teen bestie, etc. he's the suburban straight guy who doesn't properly wash his underwear, whose wife cooks every meal (that he still complains about), who thinks flavored lube is too kinky and weird and gay for him.

and it annoys me that the show doesn't even lean into the horror of that, let alone like...the genuinely terrribleeee things he does. like if you're not gonna frame it as devastating, tragic, claustrophobic, and miserable that shauna marries jackie's very Normie boyfriend and has another baby with him, that her whole life has become a jackie altar and not what she herself wants, then at least frame it as awful that he blackmailed her and her friends using their trauma??? HELLO???and i hate that the adam thing kinda like. made them ~even~, narratively, or at least made people forget about jeff.

and if you're NOT going to make it a heterosexual horror story, AT LEAST make him the wifeguy people insist he is online!! what REAL self-respecting wifeguy would turn down strawberry lube or panic when their wife grabs the gun from the guy holding them at gunpoint!!! and i mean, his reactions (to the gun thing at least) are valid and normal, ofc he'd freak out, majority of us would too. but this IS a tv show, he's not real, and you can't have him be the freaked out, 'you're out of control' husband and the 'my wife can do no wrong' husband ykwim. (me & rose talked about that angle specifically here)

but also YES it's legitimately evil for jeff to not tell shauna he knows about wilderness baby and for him to just then. keep bringing up having another one. the most generous reading i can give him is that he also, of course, feels guilty about jackie, and his desire for marriage and children with shauna is driven by that, but again: he knew he was only ever the high-school boyfriend, so. and what melanie said in that interview IS right but it's not being said/implied/explored in canon, and i worry that if it was then again, it wouldn't be shown as the horror it is, so i'm almost glad?? bc i'm not sure the general audience would see through that and view it as evil either.

anyways, jeff n shauna to me is like. does she love him? probably, in some way, on some level. i think she enjoys his company sometimes, i'm sure they have happy memories together etc. but he will always be a reminder of #everything. and so will callie! and i think that's just a more interesting dynamic to explore!!! (though tbh. loveee the goat stuff, but shauna just kinda. saying everything so explictly to lottie did feel like a telling not showing, exposition moment. as did the fact that it was a KID like sometimes this show is so subtle and other times it's incredibly not ajdksjask.)

um anyways it's 4am. i need to go to sleep. i am probably forgetting something bc i have So many thoughts about shauna + motherhood ESPECIALLY in the teen timeline which i didn't even touch lol, and how it connects to adult timeline but i do wanna give the writers temporary benefit of doubt just bc we've still got 2 eps left. so who knows what'll happen. me personally i'm hoping jeff dies and/or goes to jail and we explore the complex web of feelings that shauna and callie have towards each other, and they change their names back to shipman. i think it's rly funny and sad and tragic that callie doesn't care that her mom's a killer (well, she does), she's just so happy her mother's being honest with her. </33 also just love women who aren't naturally maternal and aren't good mothers but they're not villainized for it, and it's also not a one-dimensional portrayal either.

(final note that i LOVE is that in the original pilot script, shauna has another kid!!! callie has an older sister!!! soo curious whether she was meant to be a surviving wilderness baby or if they had another kid post-crash...jeff im in ur walls regardless)