#i don't like talking much about my life bc it's genuinely so embarrassing

[byanyan]

ㅤat this point, they're beyond wasted and vibing out to music that's too loud with several substances on standby for when the buzz starts wearing off. happy new year!!

[tiredsmashbros]

early birthday gift for the annoying ass stupid ass ring light person qwah pUH

warning ; slightly suggestive 💥

@hexsie @knightedmares @neo91502 @its-a-me-mango

so i had a plan to animate this ish for this stupid silly as a joke due to we share the interest of this green penguin youtuber, isaacwhy, in the summer. to then find out in my storyboarding class my new assignment was just animating/storyboarding a short sound clip... so what better opportunity to do it than now and it time for this silly ass 18th birthday :3c

i realized i forgot a few things, made some mini mistakes at the end but thats okay we ball

okay now for a bday message get out if ur not the ring light bitch /hj

from the moment i first met you... i wanted you to DIE TO GET OUT OF MY LIFE TO OBLITERATE INTO PIECES TO LOSE EVERY ROUND OF PRESSURE TO GO TO BED WITH WARM PILLOWS AND STUMB YOUR PINKY YOU GET A DEAD SCREEN TO POP UP AS YOU FALL INTO THE GROUND DECAYING AWAY AND - cOUGH ough sorry about that ahem the demons came out anywho- DIE- ahem...

nova i know i've given you my heartfelt personal message during my birthday time, so i wanted to give one too- even if most of it you may already know or i already said iuhkjfewds

the past... half a yEAR??? good gracious too long /JOKE has been a very silly and stressing ride gOD /lh. you've definitely changed my life and even influenced me as a person for the better. your silly high-pitch tone, the playful bullying, and even the obsession of your hex3 has just been enjoyable to experience and even participate the past few months. even just recently you getting me into your markipler in space fixation was definitely something i wasn't expecting and im still thINKING ABOUT IT HELLO???? IM TRYING TO BRAINSTORM A DAY TO WATCH IT AND AT THIS POINT WE MIGHT AS WELL DO IT ON THE PARTY OR MONDAY NEXT WEEK AT NIGHT YUIHKJFEDWSUGJH.

even with the characters in my brain i've told you about earlier of this year, hexsy is still checkin in as con {ander's oc} still does and she's been so nicey the following months even if not often i see her, but just like u irl reminds me of ur STUPID HETERO FIC ISTFG- it was genuinely so good holy shit. me and my plane trips istfg its always either me watching the new smg4 episode or reading a fanfic last time it was brain's, an this time is you and josie's IOHKJBFEDSH i love all the silly words in silly plot lines with silly characters so exciting and creative gUH. anyways... u'll get ur silly paragraphs today too teehee :3

but seriously you do bring a lot of good joy and happiness with the people around you, even if your sillyness can be a teeny bit scawey to endure, its also intoxicating and a disease it's personally affected how i even act but in the most positive way possible its raised my silly bar, but also genuinely made me so much more confident?? you've helped me learn to be myself and to be afraid to be silly, EVEN if the chance of embarrassment comes by, its not a terrifying if i have done it when i was my shy anxiety angsty teen ihugjrhefds. i adore and appreciate your company even in moments you scare me and bully me into not reading or looking at your stuff LEAVE ME ALONE YOU FREAK!!!! IMPATIENT!!!! /J /SILLY /LH i still hope your doing good at your school and preparing for your college adventures. i'll still be here to support and help you throughout so dont u dare think u're going thru this alone i gotchu- unless i die or smth but we boutta find out /j uigHJFDS

totally normal and not suspicious at all give me rizz tips pls knight is gatekeeping me all he ever talks about is spongebob did u form into a yellow sponge or smth is that the trick OHHH YEAHH GET IT BC TRICK IS HIS OC NAME AND im so funny please laugh and give me tips COUGHS- /HJ

lastly... if you think i don't have a lil silly idea thingy to share on ur bday, ur horribly mistaken. i dont know either to show it oN the day of ur birth or the birthday party, but we're gonna find out iughjvfredws just remind me till then since i know you will :))) its somewhat cool i think please think its cool its ugly yes but i'll improvise maybe trust

okay the moment your reading and watching this im in my night class sooooo may see ur messages or wait for another hr YES WAIT YOU FREAK until im done with class so we can yap jajajaj 💥

anyways have sum gift art bc i know u will cry if u dont get smth 💥

and yuri too LMAO

[ofbreathandflame-archive]

stans are actually very funny bc they often time talk themselves into the weirdest corners.

the whole point of criticizing acosf and its handling of nesta's character is to prove the point that sjm...doesn't like nesta as a character. that's is literally THE point - that sjm often abandons her moral themes (abuse, trauma, assault, etc.,) for character's deemed as undesirable or villainous to a capacity - and its through the handling of those 'vilified' (i.e. main character opposed - not even villianous) that we can gauge the extent to which sjm actually believes the ideals of her story. like - it is alarming that the only tolerable, empathetic parts of the a court of silver flames were the moments you could tell where ripped straight from sjm's own life (the hiking, training, mind-stilling etc.,). any actual characteristics about nesta weren't explored...like at all. her relationship with feyre and elain, with her mother, her trauma from her sexual assault, her conflicted relationship with her grandmother, her life before the cabin, her life during the cabin. in 800 pages - i still don't know mama archeron's name. what was life like in the cabin? what did nesta do all day? what was the dynamic? what was going on between elain and nesta?i don't know anything about her and nesta, we don't know anything about nesta's human life, her conversation with clare bedor, her relationship with clare beddor, moments with her dad - not even touching moments with him (and part of this story is her finding love for her dad). mind you we read 800+ pages and we learned absolutely nothing about her.

we essentially read sjm's emotional journey in one part, and a taming of the shrew narrative in another. i think the only way sjm had genuine interest in exploring nesta's story is through essentially self-inserting herself and avoiding the actual plot-points she set up in the first three books. like did nesta have childhood friends? if losing the wealth so drastically affected her life wouldn't she reminisce about it a lot? would she yearn for her mother? who were her childhood friends, how did she function at court?

and the whole point of saying alll of that is to argue the misuse of these topics - serious discussions abuse are only reserved for certain situation, and others its completely undermined in a way that only reinforces the negative ideals to begin with. (i.e. nesta needs to abused bc..." "the intervention was harsh but" - pair that with discussion around what feyre needed in acomaf - and it makes much more sense).

nesta antis often jump between the fact that nesta is so favored that sjm nerfed feysand to 'redeem her' and arguing that sjm secretly does everything in her power to embarrass and secretly laugh at people who like nesta's character. (1) we've gotta pick one or the other (2) in my humble opinion - sjm would have always given feyre a pregnancy plot like this regardless of whether this was nesta's book or elain. its literally so sjm. im shocked people are surprised she pulled the pregnancy as she did.

as with the tamlin discussion we had under this post - i think the story undermines its discussion of abuse with feyre/tam by essentially insinuating that tamlin (when placed in the same victimized position as feyre) should have sucked it up and braved out his abuse with amarantha (and the same with rhysand as well - esp with the deliberate foil of rhysand's 'willingness' v. tamlin's unwillingness). and when we start to have a real conversation ultilizing our own irl analysis and standards we really see how harmful and rather sisyphean the conversation becomes. instead of engaging with these topics earnestly, they only engage in them to prove a point - which is how the issue began in the first place. the whole issue with rhysand isn't the fact that he engages with harmful, potentially villainous positions. no - its that the book wants to prove that tamlin is wrong by justifying rhysand's actions. so even though rhysand and tamlin almost always have the same written and expressed intentions in their abuse of feyre, the book flocks to justify one, and eschews the other. and thats why we get so much reactionary critcism of rhys that is surface: people only admit the problems because they know antis will, not because they actually believe their are issues in the story.

and perhaps im still speaking into a void here but i can tell there's tension between pro stans wanting to have these serious conversations but understanding they can only really introspect so far until the conversation begin to prod at the validity of the topics being brought forth. so stans have to jump between invalidating the romantasy genre ("its just faeries") and treating this book as a serious topic (cue: "sjm put a hotline in the back of the book"). this is also the exact reason why the racism conversations stall (i.e. why inherent superiority is always passively emphasized - despite cc1 + 2 centering human oppresion there is no human in the ensemble cast. despite the fact that illyrian women are the most oppressed - rhys has no illyrian women - or reg illyrians (not his brothers) in his inner circle. aelin 'sacrificing' her human body).

[cyclogenesis]

For the DVD commentary ask game, I don't know if it's ok to go so much back in time, but ever since I read your ''Missing Scene'' I can't stop thinking about it or going back to it. There was a reason why I had chosen to distance myself from SamBucky, they make me too weak and vulnerable, and the way you write their codependency and intimacy, is....intense.

So, here it is, if you want....

It wasn’t even like Sam had let himself hope in any concrete way, it was just too impossible to envision the specifics of his life going forward. He doesn’t have anywhere to go but Louisiana, back with Sarah and his nephews. He thought he could count on Steve being there, navigating this with him the same way they’d worked together as partners: fighting the good fight, finding Bucky, being on the run with each other for two goddamn years because Sam chose to stick with Steve. It had seemed doable, if still challenging, to try and figure out this thing with Bucky with Steve between them as a reason to come together.

It felt like he could build something new, until the foundation of it all crumbled beneath him.

“Why did you leave, that morning,” Sam asks quietly. “In Paris.”

“I shouldn’t have,” Bucky says, his voice terribly, terribly soft. Sam’s heart trips in his chest, free-fall in his ribcage until Bucky finishes, “ever let it happen.”

“Bucky,” he says.

“I wanted you. I wanted something for myself. I’d been watching you, you know.” Bucky smiles a little, like it hurts to do it. “The whole time, keeping track of where you were. I was still trying to figure out who I was, but it made sense to me, what you were doing for Steve. Trying to find me. I understood why you’d do it for him. I guess I wanted to know if you were doing it for me too. I wanted to know who you were. I didn’t want to go back to Steve yet, I just wanted you.”

“So you had me,” Sam says, trying not to feel - anything. Trying not to feel anything. “And then what, you were done? You got what you wanted?”

“No.” Bucky shakes his head. “No. I was reckless, I thought if I could just talk to you, satisfy my curiosity, that I’d be able to move on. Get my head on straight, wait for the brainwashing to magically wear off, and come back to you both once I was a real fucking person again. I thought if I just convinced you to give me a little more time, that I could handle it all myself. And then I talked to you, and I just wanted to keep talking to you. I didn’t,” he says, looking down like he’s embarrassed, “It wasn’t like I didn’t know I was attracted to you.”

“Thanks,” Sam says faintly.

“But I could have hurt you. Anything could have happened, could have gone wrong. It was selfish of me. I put you in danger because I couldn’t stop myself from wanting you, and I left before you woke up because you weren’t safe with me. You never were.”

DVD commentary on this bit of Missing Scene below and it is always okay to ask me about anything!! Like no kidding I have your comment on that fic open in a tab to respond to because reading it genuinely made ME a little verklempt bc I also love them VERY MUCH and really put my heart and soul into this fic man. 😭

It wasn’t even like Sam had let himself hope in any concrete way, it was just too impossible to envision the specifics of his life going forward. He doesn’t have anywhere to go but Louisiana, back with Sarah and his nephews. He thought he could count on Steve being there, navigating this with him the same way they’d worked together as partners: fighting the good fight, finding Bucky, being on the run with each other for two goddamn years because Sam chose to stick with Steve. It had seemed doable, if still challenging, to try and figure out this thing with Bucky with Steve between them as a reason to come together. It felt like he could build something new, until the foundation of it all crumbled beneath him.

So the most interesting part of writing this fic for me was just basically meeting the canon on its own terms. You brought up another part just before this excerpt in your (very nice, thank you!!) comment that I was going to expound upon in my reply but I'm going to go ahead and do that here - actually just gonna paste it in for the sake of coherency:

Of course, he’s happy for Steve. He has to be, because in order to have literally gone back in time to get away from his life here Steve must have been truly miserable in a way that Sam never even saw. Sam can’t fathom how painful it must have been to have lost so much, to have suffered for five years with half the world gone. He can’t imagine the weight of that sorrow, so deeply affecting that even getting them all back wasn’t enough to make this world worth staying in. That Sam wasn’t enough to stay for. That��Bucky wasn’t enough to stay for, even after all Steve did - after all they both did - to get him back. And Bucky must have known.

I've never been like, a fix-it fic writer, I've never approached canon in a way that's like and THIS is what it did wrong 🙄; if I'm writing a pairing more than once it's because the canon showed me a dynamic that should obviously lead to kissing, and the fact that they haven't kissed yet is merely a narrative oversight, which is fine because that means I get to tell you how they kiss, yay!! I love doing that!!!

Which is to say: I'm pretty much always accepting canon as it is and using what's there as a jumping-off point. And for this pairing that means accepting what Steve Rogers did and taking it seriously and exploring the ramifications of this seemingly dick move without resorting to character bashing, basically.

So I thought a whole fucking lot about it, because the canon doesn't really directly address the emotional fallout this would have had on Sam and Bucky, i.e. no one ever directly talks shit about Steve. You can extrapolate that had Steve not left we would not be seeing Bucky sleeping on the fucking floor in his little sad bitch apartment. And as much of--I suppose--an honor it was for Steve to pass the shield to Sam, it still was not something that Sam wanted. He tossed that big ol' frisbee straight back to the Smithsonian. Nobody's talking about it, but clearly nobody's feeling great about Steve GingTFO either.

All of my Sam/Bucky stories basically have at least a tiny what the fuck, Steve narrative moment, but due to POV reasons I never really got into one of my main conclusions, which is that I think a fairly large part of his decision had to do with Natasha's death. Sam brings up their years on the run together with her, but it's clear from Endgame that Steve and Natasha stayed very, very close for that five years with half the world lost, more so than any of the other characters. And with that relationship stretching back to The Avengers and CATWS you have what, a decade or so of working together, of friendship, of then leaning on each other after this unimaginable loss--and then she's just fucking gone.

I keep thinking about how this gifset highlights his tendency to check in with her/get her permission and it's adorable and everything but when you lose a relationship, a friendship, a person who anchors you like that, I mean. No wonder he was set adrift. Here he was having gotten Bucky back, having saved him insofar as he could have, having been a part of saving so many people, saving the world time and time again. He's gotten Sam back, Sam who he trusted and believed in so much that it felt like the right decision to pass along this enormously important symbol of the person that Steve himself had to become, the mantle of Captain fucking America!!

It's not a stretch for me to think that Steve really believed that they would be fine without him. And it's kinda funny because I don't even directly cover it in the fic--bc the fic is in part me trying to explain it!!!--but the little moment at Tony's funeral where Sam comforts Bucky still makes me SO insane. Because that is based on WHAT?? Like, what had we seen canonically up until that point that would have it make any sense that they would gravitate toward each other in this moment, that Sam would be thinking to offer him comfort or to take comfort in Bucky himself?? Well maybe they had a secret ongoing relationship before this that I should write twenty-three thousand words about!!

But however you answer that question, you can take away that there is some kind of pre-existing bond between Sam and Bucky, or the very strong potential to be if Sam feels that comfortable reaching out. And I think, whatever it was, Steve would have been aware of it, so it's easy to believe that Steve genuinely thought Sam and Bucky would have each other. That they maybe wouldn't even need him. Natasha might have needed him to stay the way that he needed her, but--well, she's gone, and he'll never get to talk it over with her, or see what she thought about it, or get her approval or potential lack thereof. And he's tired. So yeah, it was selfish, but I can't believe it was thoughtless. You know?

And so what Sam was feeling here was a direct echo of that for me, of feeling unmoored in Steve's absence the same way that Steve did without Natasha, but still trying to understand the choice that Steve made, to explain it and find it in himself to forgive it. I don't think Sam or Bucky could bring themselves to stay truly angry with him if they ever were. Hurt, sure. But that's their own thing to deal with. (I wonder what Bucky had to say about it in therapy. Honestly probably making excuses for him, like he does here.)

It means, though, that without the implied time they would have had to figure it out with Steve helping them get back into the world, this conversation has to happen now. No easing their way into it, no letting things play out while they readjusted. And that also means asking the big fucking question: Why didn't Bucky stay with Sam when he could have? Why the hell did he walk away?

“Why did you leave, that morning,” Sam asks quietly. “In Paris.” “I shouldn’t have,” Bucky says, his voice terribly, terribly soft. Sam’s heart trips in his chest, free-fall in his ribcage until Bucky finishes, “ever let it happen.” “Bucky,” he says. “I wanted you. I wanted something for myself. I’d been watching you, you know.” Bucky smiles a little, like it hurts to do it. “The whole time, keeping track of where you were. I was still trying to figure out who I was, but it made sense to me, what you were doing for Steve. Trying to find me. I understood why you’d do it for him. I guess I wanted to know if you were doing it for me too. I wanted to know who you were. I didn’t want to go back to Steve yet, I just wanted you.”

I am a romcom writer. My usual idea of a conflict is "they want to fuck but they aren't fucking yet". Jesus H, the work I had to do to create and justify conflicts on this level, that would make it believable for them to start out where they do at the beginning of this story and then maintain a narrative through-line that doesn't contradict anything we've seen onscreen and still have them end up where I wanted them to end up. Holy shit I asked a lot of myself with this story. I thought so much and so hard about all of this. I never write people seriously fighting! I never write break-ups!! You might notice that I haven't written anything like this since! I in fact probably will not again! 😭

Anyway, so I made the conflict be that Bucky wanted to fuck Sam in the first place, and the next conflict that they fucked and it was a bad idea for a variety of reasons, and the next conflict was Bucky being like okay that was my bad I should not have done that. 😬

“So you had me,” Sam says, trying not to feel - anything. Trying not to feel anything. “And then what, you were done? You got what you wanted?” “No.” Bucky shakes his head. “No. I was reckless, I thought if I could just talk to you, satisfy my curiosity, that I’d be able to move on. Get my head on straight, wait for the brainwashing to magically wear off, and come back to you both once I was a real fucking person again. I thought if I just convinced you to give me a little more time, that I could handle it all myself. And then I talked to you, and I just wanted to keep talking to you. I didn’t,” he says, looking down like he’s embarrassed, “It wasn’t like I didn’t know I was attracted to you.” “Thanks,” Sam says faintly. “But I could have hurt you. Anything could have happened, could have gone wrong. It was selfish of me. I put you in danger because I couldn’t stop myself from wanting you, and I left before you woke up because you weren’t safe with me. You never were.”

Me getting away with having a man acknowledge his flaws bc acknowledging them is in service of the bigger flaw of being a sad self-sacrificing little fuck...

But also, well, he's not wrong. He did put Sam in danger, Sam wasn't safe with him. The next time Sam sees him Bucky's a reactivated bad boy getting face-punchy in this MF.

But it's also fair imo that Sam just cannot with this guy right now. Again, you know, taking canon at face value, something I struggled with when plotting this out was explaining how we went from genuine concern at Tony's funeral to Bucky ignoring Sam trying to get in touch with him. Because that truly had me personally like, hands on hips, frowny face, what's your fucking problem, Barnes.

So they have this fight, tensions are high, everyone's stressed the fuck out, Sam needs a break. It's too much. He gets a break, fine, he settles back into his life, he reaches back out. Bucky's deeply depressed in his sad bitch apartment and thus avoidant to the point that even his terrible therapist is like damn ignoring his texts?? crazy work bc Bucky's apparently talking about getting texts but not answering them.

I swear I'm almost done with this ask, fuck. But when this is addressed later, Bucky on his knees saying "I thought if I just didn’t need anything, that nothing I needed could be taken away from me again" that is the direct consequence of Sam's choice in the above moment to walk away. It wasn't unfair of Sam, and he certainly didn't mean for it to be permanently or even for that long, but for Bucky it was Sam leaving him too right fucking after Steve abandoned him so completely. They both left Bucky and they left him with nothing. He walked away the first time because he was afraid to hurt Sam, but he walked away by default this time because he was afraid Sam would hurt him. Sam already had.

Goddddd this pairing!! You know!!!

I love this fic so much and it's the last one I posted for this pairing and it got like, significantly less attention hits-wise than the other three (sambucky fandom flamed out QUICK in a way that still kinda surprises me, most people wandered away after literally just a couple of months) which is still such a bummer because I spent basically my whole fannish life wanting to write a canon-spanning epic for every OTP I've ever had and I finally managed it with this pairing and I wanted to like, print this thing out and wallpaper the fannish halls with it like look you guys I did it!! I did it I did it I did it!!! So thank you for asking about it because nobody ever has and I still think it's one of the best things I've ever written (it's also the longest!). 😭 MISSING SCENE MY BELOVED!!

xoxoxoxo always appreciate you Kiki!!!!!

[misterbenzadrine]

♡ day 3: johnny lawrence ♡

JOHNNYYYYYYY

so ik the way i talked about him in previous posts made it seem like i didn't like him, and that's so not true !! i just hate the way he treats robby lmao

that much aside, i love johnny. i love miguel and he truly means the world to me but johnny was a close-second motivation to keep watching the show. i was familiar with the movie as much as most people but his personality in the show was truly so captivating like dude this guy was an asshole in the movie but he actually has a really good backstory and justification?? i love him. he is the man ever.

my fav s1 Johnny unhinged moments have to be:

"hey i'm miguel, my family and i just moved in next door!" "great, more immigrants."

"my doctor said i might be on the spectrum" "idk what that is but you better get off it pronto"

"the kids at school make fun of her" "that's what happens when you eat an entire box of twinkies every day"

bonus points for the audition reader reading the line "this is the after photo? that sucks, you should sue" as a mean mocking line but billy somehow makes it sound like he's genuinely concerned

so anyways, i love his character so much. and i maintain that he is a shitty deadbeat and has a weak excuse for not being robby's life. bc again, i reiterate from robby's post, ten-year-old robby isn't sitting there grateful johnny recognized he wasn't emotionally or mentally stable enough for a kid, he was just wondering why his dad didn't want him. however comma, as an adult and knowing that he recognizes that's the lowest time in his life, i understand where he's coming from.

despite his mom's best efforts, and how cocky he was in cobra kai, i don't think this man has had a day of comfort in his LIFE. the closest he got was definitely the s6 season premiere where he had carmen, his baby on the way, robby and miguel with him, kreese and silver locked away (at least he thought), and his dojo. then he found his dojo building torn down so the comfort was ripped from under him again lmao.

but how fitting that the character that's never thought he's worth anything and never felt good enough removed himself from his son's life for fear of screwing him up the same way his stepdad screwed with his head as a kid. (then unintentionally giving robby the same complex ABSOLUTE CINEMA)

and on that note, johnny's yearning and desperation is so addicting personally. i think that's what draws me to him so much. i mean he's inherently really funny and i know what i said about miguel in his post but obviously johnny and daniel (mainly johnny) take center stage in the show every time. i think miguel is a personification of the plot but johnny and daniel ARE the main characters (again mainly johnny, it literally started out as a redemption arc for johnny)

but what really sells that redemption for johnny is you can tell how much he wants good things but never tries for them. you can see even though he forgave daniel at the end of tkk, and he didn't fall back into kreese's manipulation at the beginning of tkk 2, he still passes by that karate trophy and has a disappointed look on his face. he knows daniel had enough skill to fight him well enough but he still wishes he'd won, still regrets losing. he has robby's picture on his fridge in a mostly photo-less apartment, why? he took himself out of robby's life. it's because he WISHES he could've been a better person, a better dad, someone who wouldn't be embarrassed to be present for his son. and he still loves and cares for robby, he just doesn't think it'll do either of them any good to see how and when johnny ruins his life. his apartment is lifeless, he wishes he had a family that could keep him company, a girlfriend/wife, something. he goes to work and you can see it on his face, he wishes he had a better life, a better job. HIS WHOLE CHARACTER IS FILLED WITH REGRET AND YEARNING.

but evidently, based on how much he holds onto that crappy car until it gets destroyed and how he never really tries to get a better job or meet new women or reach out to robby, he doesn't think he deserves that better life (probably a side effect from his stepdad and kreese telling him how much of a loser he is). he never tries to change his routine bc he believes he inherently ruins everything. no point in trying if you know how it'll end.

that is until miguel gets there. miguel's in a league of his own entirely. and this happens to be around the same time he encounters daniel (who is admittedly a BIG jerk) (maybe johnny deserves it) (idk i don't think so). so johnny gets fired, some girls (namely larusso's daughter) hit his car, larusso mocked and embarrassed him, and this dweeb miguel is begging him to pick up karate again and be his sensei. so even though his life was shitty and lonely before, it somehow gets even shittier and maybe he figures "what do i have to lose?" maybe he's just sick of not trying. maybe karate is the only good thing he ever had in his life (other than his mom and maybe ali) and he wants to feel that spark again. wants to feel like the greatest at something again. wants to feel good enough again.

so he picks it back up, leases the dojo, starts training miguel. and even through all the drama, his spark comes back in full force. he is getting respect from his students (plural !), he's training really good fighters, miguel sees the good in him, and larusso's smug smirk is finally wiped off his face, and that specifically brings johnny SO MUCH satisfaction. just seeing daniel not so perfect anymore. (oooh they are NEVER beating the lawrusso allegations)

so in s1, johnny's not feeling much regret aside from his relationship with robby, which he does try to mend but things are so badly damaged it'll take a bit. but even then, all those things he was yearning for, he was slowly getting them, just in ways he never expected. he FINALLY wins again at the all-valley as a sensei. he gets that father-son bonding with miguel, who sees him as this great and kind father figure. his students keep him company and look up to him, following his every word. he's found his dream job ! he gets to inspire kids to push toward being stronger and more confident people, day in and day out.

but he's still not satisfied. because that win at the all-valley was at his son's expense. miguel is great but he always wished to be that present with robby too. he still goes home to his empty apartment, to that empty fridge with a lone six-pack inside, to that old picture of his son, and sits alone with no one to keep him company. his job still isn't taken seriously, and in comes kreese, making his job that much more stressful. because teaching kids is great, 100%, but it's also one of the hardest jobs out there. bc kids are impressionable, kids are like clay, not even the sculpting kind but the play-doh kind, they're so soft and moldable, one little word, one unintentional message, it'll stick with them forever and they'll go down a path you didn't want for them.

so in s2 everything is kind of getting more complicated for johnny, he takes time to try to point his kids back in the right direction but kreese is just as manipulative as ever and all the kids breathe in every word he says (even miguel who sometimes questions it but does still fall into his trap like johnny did as a kid).

the school fight happens, johnny is a bottomless pit of self-hatred and regret. miguel wakes up but blames him for what happened to him (just for the moment, he eventually forgives him). but then johnny does something so uncharacteristic, he keeps pushing. he easily could've given up, ghost miguel like he did robby and resolve that he made his life worse and should stay away. but he doesn't. he goes back to miguel and decides it's his responsibility to help miguel walk again, to get him through this difficult time.

then he starts a new dojo (bc he just found a job he's passionate about), he eventually gets off his ass to reach out to robby (but robby by that point has emotionally sealed himself off again), he starts officially getting together with carmen, and things are looking great.

and that is because he is a YEARNER and a LOVER (lover used very loosely). he may think he's pathetic and doesn't deserve good things, and he may think the world is a crockpot of shit, but DAMN IT if he has a chance to do something good for everyone who's made his life worth living, now that he finally feels in control of his own life, he's gonna do it. (it's very much george bailey in It's a Wonderful Life) (WHICH SOMEONE ACTUALLY MADE A FIC OF AND I LOVED IT, I CAN'T REMEMBER THE NAME BUT JOHNNY IS SO GEORGE BAILEY CODED THE PARALLEL WORKS SO WELL)

so yeah, johnny is the coolest bc he actually has really good progression and character development. while this can absolutely be said for all the other characters, johnny's is especially interesting for a character that started as a bit of an anti-hero. he was made to rival daniel, be his moral foil, be kind of an ass. but in the show, we see another side of him. he's flawed obviously, he's prone to mistakes, and he's not by any means perfect. but there is a steady progression, he gets better with each season. he grows and learns, which is an INCREDIBLE feat not only as a man in his MID-50s, but as a gen x-er. (as someone with gen x parents, it is NOT easy to change their ways of thinking, they are stubbornly addicted to nostalgia for some reason)

but johnny does grow. he's a little racist in the beginning, as a joke obvi, and makes jokes about miguel but he stops because he sees that miguel and his family are people just like him, that his jokes may even perpetuate the way other people see them just for being immigrants (in so many words obviously). he's fatphobic in the beginning but afterward doesn't comment on anyone's general weight (especially not the kids). he's sexist at the beginning but after training aisha, tory, sam, and devon, plus dating carmen, PLUS his new baby girl on the way, he unlearns all of that sexist language and way of thinking bc again, he learns to love these people at their level, and he understands (without the technical inclusion jargon) that everyone is different and he doesn't need to poke fun at it to make a point.

he knows the world is cruel and he does his best to prepare his students for that. but he knows how to do it without being a complete dick now. (plus most of his comments are genuinely from a place of ignorance/not knowing. i truly don't think most of what he says is to be mean, he just has no filter for his confusion dksfkj)

personally, as much as i give the writers grief for their whacko storylines and weird obsession with specific characters and tropes (AND STEADFAST REFUSAL TO PUT IN MORE ACCURATE FEMALE AND LGBTQ+ REPRESENTATION) i can really tell that they made this series as passionate johnny fans. because he feels like such a well-developed character. (again some of the stuff is stupid but i'm talking overarching characterization)

i truly feel like the johnny we see in tkk is the same johnny we see in ck. even though daniel and even mr. miyagi feel disconnected sometimes and way out of character, johnny feels like himself, just blossoming in a beautiful way that stays true to his character. and giving him that happily ever after is corny yeah but lowkey, i can forgive the cliché just this once bc i really feel like johnny deserves it. they've made a character that feels so accurate, so real, that it's easy to empathize with him.

well anywho, that's my rant :3

i love him with carmen. i think it's a little weird but also really cute, idk.

i also hope in pt 3 they give him more screen time with robby bc seriously that "you're my son too" speech was amazing (and ANOTHER sign of how much he's grown since s1 johnny wouldn't know how to convey all that so eloquently or even want to open up like that, especially to his son) (and the following moment where he doesn't immediately get violent with the plane guy, oh yeah, johnny's growing and maturing) but he really didn't spend that much time with robby. and that's his son so like...get on it mr. lawrence.

!! headcanons !!

johnny takes miguel and robby for a few "final" boy's nights before miguel leaves for college (this is all three's fondest father-son bonding memory)

(this is in direct contradiction to THAT leaked scene but idk maybe it'll be in pt 3, maybe i'll settle on being delusional) johnny doesn't know the first thing about how to research, he barely knows how to use his phone. but with carmen's help (meaning he brought the idea to carmen and she did most of the work), they research potential schools and programs for robby to apply to after graduation. they obviously don't know what he wants to do but they pick out some good options. carmen makes sure robby knows it was 100% his dad's idea. (johnny doesn't want robby settling like he did and wants him to get a good education/job) robby and johnny have a very tearful moment punctuated by a hug.

like robby, johnny gets along extremely well with rosa. unlike robby, he doesn't actually understand most of what she says, just picking up a few phrases and going based on her vibes alone (his favorite is "chinga tu madre". he doesn't understand fully what it means, and he can't personally pronounce it, but he knows madre is mother. and after hearing rosa mumble it enough about jerks in public, or the time that guy cut in front of her at the grocery store, he gets the idea)

he's so focused on not screwing up this relationship with carmen and his new daughter that he tries a little too hard sometimes ("johnny, you didn't need to make dinner. no, it was a nice gesture but now there's a burnt chicken in our oven.")

no one really tells him anything bc why would they? but he hears rumblings of the kids' sexualities and tries to be cool about it ("miguel i thought you said you can't call people queer anymore. the mouthy one obviously is but why do you get to say it?" "no, it's nice that your girlfriends are really close but going to prom together is a little weird, isn't it?")

devon definitely makes him do tiktok trends but he doesn't actually know what she's doing ("you want me to say what? scooby-doo toilet rizz?" "i'm not dancing" "this isn't going to the internet, is it? i better not see a picture of me with bedazzled chick glasses everywhere.")

he attends devon's graduation (he complains enough about the parking and security and how long it is but he's the one who wanted to go)

he doesn't like brussel sprouts. idk i feel it in my bones. not important, never comes up. he just hates them. or okra. it's probs a texture thing. maybe it's a daniel thing since he loves both.

he unconsciously gets closer to and more protective of tory after the sekai taikai, not realizing before how similar they were. even though he doesn't have much time with her at the dojo before she leaves to be an adult, he still asks robby about her and talks to her at family gatherings/parties

he ALSO checks in on sam from time to time, either hearing about her from miguel or daniel

although miguel and robby are quite social, neither them nor johnny particularly likes parties (miguel likes them but gets bored after making his rounds, robby gets overwhelmed by how many people there are, johnny just doesn't like being social bc he's awkward). so all three usually stick to a corner and talk to each other, occasionally leaving to talk to their gfs but eventually coming up with any excuse to leave together

he still exclusively listens to classic rock but robby introduced him to ghost and he likes hearing some of their songs on the radio (his favorite song from them is dance macabre)

even though his daughter grows up looking like carmen, obviously, he's always taken off-guard by how much she looks like his mom. (he hugs her a little tighter every time he notices).

while he spends the most time with his daughter (with carmen of course), there are times when he's genuinely really busy or needs a break and he reluctantly lets someone else watch her. it's usually family (miguel or robby with their girlfriends or rosa) but sometimes, if he stops by the dojo for a quick moment, chozen and/or daniel keep an eye on her. and she LOVES them. johnny's not at all annoyed when she asks him a million questions about mr. miyagi and when she can practice katas (not that she even knows what those are)

when she gets older, though, he does start to ease her into karate, really simple stuff, and really hammers in the message that she doesn't need to use karate to take her anger out on people (she doesn't know about the school fight) (they don't want to tell her about it) (idk maybe carmen tells her when she gets closer to adulthood) (and that's on johnny/robby/miguel never dealing with their trauma !)

conclusion: i love johnny. he is so flawed but so real, the writers have obviously put the most work and passion into him and it really shows. as goofy and random some storylines are, i genuinely always like what they do with johnny bc he seems like the one character allowed to be unpredictable. and i genuinely am glad they saw something in him in that first karate kid movie and decided to move forward with this project. they have cultivated something amazing and given incredible closure to one of pop culture history's most polarizing antagonists and i truly feel like even if there are future renditions, johnny's story is finally complete forty years later. johnny, you've been amazing, you've been thrilling, and if now is your time to go, what a perfect send-off.

[neverstophyo]

  ✦    ⤹    점점 더 난 네게 빠져가    ⊹    ❍

    ⟢    ₊    ↷ 𝒴ou attack my heart!

⠀   ͡ ׅ ۟  kassiadreams/siyzuii  ָ֢  ֹ  ֹ ۪ 𝟥 new layout? do we fw it?

✦   ⁔⁔ ۪   my first moodboard ever idek what they're used for but i love making them (not dr related like i said it would be.. but oh well i'm obsessed with chuu in the underwater mv anyway) i hope it looks decent?? might put one for every post if i feel like it heheheh ⊹  ֗  

☆⠀⠀𓈒⠀⠀ׁ⠀⠀this song is truly the cutest thing ever and a literal masterpiece at that, dare i say my fav kpop song!! ok now back to the actual post sorry LOL⠀ ׅ⠀⠀ ͡

── NEW INTRO POST 🔔

◌⠀ׁ₊   ˚  hiii!!! this is my shifting blog (and also my main blog)!! my username used to be siyzuii and i used to go by xylia or léa so u might know me from there but i go by kassia now! (close friends can still call me stella ofc)

i shift.. obviously anyway i've shifted to my dr 3 times now and shifted to parallel realities (on accident too) like a whole lot of times i can't even count

i have discord, tiktok, and instagram but i pretty much only use discord & tiktok, i exclusively use insta if there's someone i'm friends with that genuinely doesn't have any other socials.

note that i also only post shifting content on here. but i'm also 10x more active on discord & tiktok (mostly discord) than i am on tumblr, so feel free to add me (pls ask for my user first bc i have anti shifter friends and i don't want them finding this lol)

i also write and make edits (like every 2 months) yay!!!!

── INTERACT NEOW!!!

other shifters (specifically kpop shifters i need my spotify premium back. hi yes lets yap about our drs together pls) (honestly i'll yap with anyone about each others drs) (this is a silent invitation)

i don't care if you don't believe in shifting, if you respect people who do believe in it (and aren’t gonna force your beliefs on them) feel free to interact! i don't know why you would but whatever

cool people!!!

── GO!!!!

anti shifters (bye)

basic dni criteria

people who actively hate on everything (do you have a life?)

── WHAT TO EXPECT FROM MY PAGE

shifting content (mostly storytimes & yapping and whatever with the occasional sprinkle of memes)

shitty & messy blog layouts because idk how this app works

rants

yapping

probably me going inactive for either 2 days or 2 weeks straight (school keeps me busy and i already skipped my homework for this)

i might call u slurs if we get close!! (THAT I CAN RECLAIM)

me NOT talking about my favs (i cant openly talk about them idk why it's so embarrassing bye)

potentially horrid english because english is not my first language (i pull this excuse every time)

slow replies on here bc i forget about this app 24/7

── MY CARRD

kassiadreams.carrd.co

literally this whole thing summarized

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ♡ ͟ ׂ 𓂂 THANKS FOR 400+ FOLLOWERS I LOVE YOU GUYS MWAH !! should i do anything special?? if u have any ideas lmk and i'll see what i can do LOL

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ⊹ ׂ ok i know a while ago i said to drop some stuff in my ask box bc i'm bored but i havent answered any of them yet BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO FIND THEM UNTIL I GOT ON MY PC AGAIN so i'm gonna restart this time i SWEAR ill actually go over them from now on everything you ask i WILL see. thx guys!!!!

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ⋆ ۫ ໒ give me post suggestions i beg..

[fappellmoan]

ok um i am going to vent on something as someone with an outside perspective and people are going to be normal about that right. okay lol. im sick of hearing about taylor swift <3 as compared to a few years ago even she is like... suffocating. and i feel like we never advance this conversation because on one hand we have people who swing into full misogyny when talking about her, and on the other we have people who won't admit that she blatantly uses feminism to deflect from her problematic behaviors, or at least they won't like, do anything about it, and in this way she sort of ends up misleading a lot of young girls into like. girlboss liberal white feminism. im not saying shes a supervillain for it but you can't deny the ramifications of what she does and doesn't speak up about, just given the absolutely massive platform she has. she is the biggest pop star in the world

for the record, i don't expect taylor to be like. a normal person. she was very famous from a very young age and people aren't normal about teen/adolescent stars, especially when they're girls and women. she had her personal drama aired out in front of the world, had so much misogynistic dialogue surrounding her, from demeaning her success to interrogating her dating life (and never holding the pedos who preyed on her at a young age to any sort of standard!) and for many years people weren't very critical of that. it was normalized to be trashing this young girl's name and saying vile shit about her to like the entire nation and i dont blame her for being like, a little off after that. and yeah i also don’t think we should look to celebrities as our end all be all of activism and opinions on sociopolitical issues

but we've gone full swing into like. she is so famous and so big that her actions can be harmful and she does these things anyway because she doesn't expect her fanbase to hold her accountable, lest they be acting like the very sexists who tried to ruin her career. at least i imagine that's what the thought process is like, at least at some level, but at this point it's just like. this woman makes so much money. so much money it's ridiculous. idk how y'all fathomed paying so much for concert tickets but like i'll give props that they at least seemed to have some insane production/theatrics... so like alright. there's that.

but she is reselling the same songs. sometimes that don't sound that good. and making more money off that. yes yes to 'officially own them' and whatever. and releasing vault tracks and other versions of albums with different songs on them. but never all the same bc u need to collect them all. and the thing is some of them are like kinda bad. but you listen to them anyway because we live in a time of overconsumption/consumerism in late capitalism and it's like trendy and fun to be able to tell what song of hers is playing in the first millisecond. sorry or just your personal attachment to her. and don't say it's embarrassing to be a taylor swift fan these days she's like. so huge. and some of you equate embarrassment with having to hear criticism toward her. which might not be as common if swifties idk stepped it up and actually expected something from her?

which i guess is getting me to my main point here. can you imagine like. what would happen if taylor swift actually said anything about palestine? or anything of value in the world right now? no one's asking her to be a fucking scholar on it but genuinely sorry there’s like a genocide. several. the most documented real time genocide of our time i don’t care if it makes you upset that people expect something from her. she is time's person of the year. she has everyone from young girls to lesbians to gay men to bored football wives to dads to well fucking etc you get the point tuned in. she has dabbled in so many different spaces done so many collaborations aligned herself with so many entities who can keep up? if she, as massive as she is right now, posted something as simple as 'free palestine' or called for a ceasefire, can you imagine what would happen? i can’t help but think about it when day in and day out my feed is filled with screaming people being pulled from rubble or having their limbs amputated.

but she won't, because, quite frankly, what does she have to gain from it? she’s teaming up with the nfl right now to make some more money, she's gotta have at least like 4 new albums recorded in the last two years and at least um what three more that you're expecting? and she doesn't even have to like? write new music really? (edit: oh boy!) why the fuck would she be doing anything with her time other than poisoning the planet with jet fuel to visit her pr boyfriend?

taylor swift is never gonna be punk or what the hell ever beyond like a white liberal-at-best moderate woman. but if any of you could talk to each other and talk about, like, organizing in ways that it would be impossible for her to continue to ignore these situations, and just keep playing her tour FILM (how could i forget) in israel and etc, like if you could flood her socials or do a mass movement (and it would be massive given the sheer amount of peoples' top artists she's in) of not listening/buying/interacting with her stuff, until her agents and whatever had to make some sort of statement? like that's the only chance we've got with her

i'm not saying don’t be her fan, or listen to her music, or have an attachment, etc, but she's been around enough vile, anti-feminist, racist things this past year that y'all DO need to hold her accountable. like way more than you do. or it's going to be like really difficult to. tolerate it. haha. like you SHOULD be vocally and loudly disapproving of her actions when it causes a lot of damage overall. speaking up about her insane climate irresponsibility when we're having the hottest years on record is not the same as the people who felt the need to like pick apart her dating life on the news. but can we talk about how she's officially like. circled back and now is purposefully making news about her dating life? for her personal gain and that of the fucking nfl? lol. in a way it is funny for her to ‘take that power back’ in a way, of her image, and i think that’s how some people might view it, but like on the other hand she obviously is gaining a lot from this. you know. a lot of actual money. she is going to profit off this image of her being misunderstood etc for as long as u guys allow it and well i just think that has run its course. yk

continuing into 2024 (edit: and now with the release of a new album!) i don't want to see swifties automatically exonerating themselves from difficult conversations because like they feel like their fave has faced enough unwarranted criticism. or bc other people should also be criticized. much of it is warranted! and you guys need to grow up and be able to talk about it and stop painting taylor swift's face as like the Pinnacle of feminism. she doesn't and shouldn't have to be, and she isn't, and she should in fact be held accountable when she does really fucking shitty things on account of they're shitty! i don't care that she's a woman! it's like that meme of oh yay a woman democrat sent these missiles. oh yay a woman is massively damaging the planet and proudly dated a violent misogynistic racist, and faced minimum criticism for these things over and over because your only comeback is ‘well what about’ if a man did the same thing, etc, you refuse to just look at the situation we do have. yes we should. we should do that we should hold men accountable but you can also like not accept awful fucking behavior from your faves when you have a chance. do you think that’s helping feminism genuinely. use your voice use your power (your money) to like. do something for once. i cannot keep living in the taylor swift echo chamber.

and for the record. i like enjoyed taylor like back when i was a young girl and she had a few songs on the radio, and i honestly even had a moment where i used guys' opinions on her as a first step to navigate who i felt safe around in a very hypermasculine sexist college space. because yes. some people do need feminism 101 and some people's genuinely misogynistic rage will be demonstrated in their hatred of taylor and her success. but at some point we gotta move on from that. if some people will look at the most powerful woman in the world, who has enough money to stay away from them and an extremely massive loyal fanbase watching and supporting her every move - if some men take out their hatred on her, a powerful white woman, how do you think they view and treat women who are not white, thin, "conventionally"/eurocentrically attractive, or accessible to cis/het audiences?

anyway i hope that i can bring a conversation to the swiftieverse cause i honestly believe u guys could have comparable impact to like. bts stans. maybe. if you put your minds together for a good cause. and we don’t have to do the oppression olympics or whataboutisms or WHATEVER for forever. can we please move the conversation forward does anyone else feel insane with like where we’re at

on that note, i really do think now is the perfect moment for you to disrupt shit with your voices and demand better from her. it might not save the world, but it could make a huge difference in changing peoples' minds

okay um. thanks 👍

tldr i can’t do another year of swiftie discourse i just can’t please if there is a god out there help us

[illyrianbitch]

Yeah, I don't think I would deal well with my best friend gossiping about my love life either. It does feel like judgement and not support.

But the tag to worry about Selene? I do worry about her. The moment Az said that she believes the reader is in love with him? Manipulative bish.

And I forgot to point it in my previous ask, but I like that you crested a new character to be the one between Az and reader.... There's a lot of fics with Elain as the selfish villain, so I like when I see her happy.

yes!!

we have seen see readers pov so we understand it’s coming from a place of genuine care and concern. we can assume from some context that other people in their fam, cue mor or nesta, were probably very blunt and dry about the subject to az, but reader and him are closer!! and she’s trying to give it the benefit of the doubt but sees him changing and she’s stressed

but to az, who is probs tired trying to meet these new boyfriend expectations and so desperate to be in love, all he’s seeing is 1. the important females in his life not trusting him and immediately jumping to judgment and 2. his best friend seemingly talking about his unfortunate love life with those from his unfortunate love life. homeboy is embarrassed!!! embarrassment can make people so stupid and irrational

and his lil out outburst has now lead to, a perfectly validated tbh, reaction from reader that is bitter bc she was reduced to some jealous girl 🥲 they’re all so silly

and i’m so glad!! i do my best to avoid elain being vilified in my fics!! we rly don’t know much about her but she’s been described as sweet and sees good in the world, not someone who is just vindictive or mean (and i severely doubt elain would be invested enough to be a selfish villain…girl quietly returned az’s gift after a failed kiss, cmon)

[lesbianriverphoenix]

life has been so cuckoo lately....i'm in my first genuinely truly stable healthy relationship where we're both talking and thinking about the future. it's only been six months of knowing her and it feels like so much time and also no time at all. we spend so much time together and it's been amazing and also very hard and scary sometimes and i'm working through so many anxieties and emotions that i didn't realize i needed to since my last tornado of a relationship and i'm doing it all without my therapist. which i do feel like i can handle since we parted mutually and i've never felt so in tune with myself and my feelings and why i'm feeling them.

i started my first full time salaried job four days before i met my girlfriend. i like some things about it and i hate a lot of things about it lol bc in multiple elements (pay, hybrid policy, etc) it's seriously lacking compared to most other jobs i applied for but this is the one that took me so i just have to settle and get through it until it's appropriate to look for a new one. i've been thinking about money sooooo much lately re both being in a relationship with someone who makes considerably more than me and whose entire social circle essentially does as well. feeling very frustrated on that front and just like there's nothing i can do about it bc i chose to live in my dream city and not work in tech or some shit and i don't have rich parents who can buy me a gorgeous prospect heights apt. like that's just that and i'm working so hard through my feelings of basic jealousy and bitterness about it. it feels embarrassing and shameful to articulate how much i hold but i really always have and i need to figure out how to have a more healthy relationship to money and not constantly comparing myself to others bc it's just not productive.

i'm soooo busy all the time and i'm still figuring out how to take care of myself and my space and slow down while thinking about how much time to spend with my girlfriend, with my friends without my girlfriend, with my friends AND my girlfriend, with my girlfriend's friends! it's so much! not to mention taking care of basic necessities re groceries and laundry and my cat. like holding all of that in my head at once it's terribly overwhelming to consider but i can't stress enough how this is also the happiest and most stable i have been in a long long time. i'm tearing up right now with gratitude for it. for months after my traumatic ass breakup last year and then finishing grad school i kept saying the only two things i wanted to make me a happier person are a full time job and a serious relationship. i literally found both of those in june of this year....is that not wacky doodle??? i knew life wouldn't be perfect with those things and there's plenty to stress over, always is. but there's so much to be grateful and excited for that at times in the past i never ever thought would happen for me. it takes my breath away :)

[wrongcaitlyn]

what r ur fave solangelo stories??? imma be honest, i need more popstar AUs. tyt has set my standards WAYY to high! i honestly think ur one of my favorite fanfic authors. your writing style in just *chef's kiss* MWAH

also i think i remember u saying ur aroace??

well, this is just a question (you dont have to answer if ur not comfortable) did nico and will have sex yet in tyt, because they've been together for like 5 yrs or smth but yea

ahsdhlgf i have so many!!!! i still need to check out the solangelo week fics bc i'm sure there are some absolutely incredible ones on there (for some reason i just haven't been feeling like reading solangelo lately, it's been a bit sporatic) however!! i still have PLENTY of recs - i know that i've made a post in the past with some of my favorite fics, and i also have public rec bookmarks on my ao3 if you want to check those out!!

but if you want more specifically fame/band/popstar au's (bc i completely agree, we NEED more of them. like pls make characters famous irl more often it's my absolute favorite trope) here are some of my favorites!!

paris by ethannku is an au where nico is a youtuber, so not singing, but it's formatted so so well and i'm absolutely in love with it!!! (also, i'm just genuinely obsessed with this idea)

Lo-Fi Heart Beats by alchemical_acrobat and Paint_splatt is a streamer au, and one of my favorites. honestly just any sort of fic where they have a fandom makes me soo happy and this one was so sweet!!

can i handle the seasons of my life? by buoyantsaturn has will as a burnt out child star and is now in college, so *technically* he's not a popstar (aside from his previous dcom songs) but!! it is still one of my favorite all time fics and has some aspects of the fame au!

he was seen on occasion (pacing the rocks, staring out at the midnights sea) by stargirltv IS!!!! one of the greatest popstar au's ever. like, nico's a bedroom pop artist, but i'd be so lying if i didn't say this partly inspired talk your talk (even tho ngl, i picture every single one of my favorite characters as popstars, it's my favorite passtime) i highly highly highly recommend!!!

and okay lesterlicious by apopcornkernel isn't a solangelo fic... nico and will actually don't even appear by lester and meg have a youtube channel and i fucking lvoe this fic so much like please please readlkjsfd

so i realize only one of those is a popstar au but we're just in a severe drought of them rip😭😭 but these all have fame aspects to them and i highly recommend them!!

as for the other part of the ask, yes i am aroace! and i tend to lean more towards the sex-repulsed side of the asexual spectrum (or rather, it's less discomfort and more just embarrassment to me, like, i just have to cringe whenever reading smut/attempting to write even anything impliedlkjsf) so don't worry about the questions, they don't make me that uncomfortable! to answer the question: yes, they probably have lmfao😭 i don't really think about it all that much, but i also don't hc either of them as ace *in this universe* (that is very important, i definitely hc them as ace in other universes) so it has happened by now - as to when/where/how that happened, i will leave that up to you bc i don't think i'll ever actually write it/imply that (i will simply cringe at my keyboard too hard)

thank you for the ask!

[i-have-dots-in-my-brain]

ayup mates, its me (that one fucking guy that shows up in your fever dreams to offer you garlic bread then fucks off into the void) (i think you need to get a therapist btw)

Call me dots or dot (not correct but when saying something belongs to me you use "dot's". idk why don't ask me)

My cara page (for art): https://cara.app/ihavedotsinmybrain

They/them she/her it/its ( welcome to the mad lab we do experiments with the funny goofy hjinks with the genders here)

TAG GUIDE : my art (self explanatory), dot's thoughts (mad ramblings) (extra note, there are two versions of dot's thoughts, the other one is with the phone version of ' so you can go look for that if you wanna see me posting from outside the comfort of my room and computer), dot’s travel journal (me on holiday), my persona (obviously just my persona) *prone to updates

dumbass who likes to draw ocs and shit. (posts like there is no tomorrow but also like i have all the time in the world) (oc x canon stuff also) (some fanart ig)

if you wanna find my (mostly serious) art, check out @dots-in-my-head (send me asks and dms on this blog) also i have started putting fandom stuff there too so if you want to get my fandom doodles you can look to there as well

still questioning sexuality but currently aro/ace? (idk i'm not in a rush lol) (i WILL dabble in the arts of questioning me sexuality on internet if you got problems with that shoo)

my loveley husband (@octoxxt, pls ignore this blog dude its embarrassing)

why do you need to know my age, ‘you a cop?

will not draw smut or NSFW bcs i will start howling with racous laughter and melt. (i don;t even read smut in fic dude what do expect me to be able to draw im a cartoonish obviously anime style inspired semi-realism but not really shitty doodle artist you put your hopes too high if you think i can draw a dick without making it look like a piece of middle school desk graffiti)

i've got a bit of a dirty mouth but everything is pretty vanilla . (i make edgy dumb jokes sometimes, but it's not my actual personality peace 'n love on planet earth okay) (any time i say i wanna kms IT IS A JOKE) (most of my posts are /srs i will mark it if its a joke i know the pain of not knowing if it was a funny joke or not i gotchu other autistic peeps)

please talk to me god i am lonely (i am serious about this i love it when people rb and scream in the tags it genuinely makes my day) (send me asks send measkssendmeaskssendmeasks—)

Absolute art machine(whether the art is good or not is a big question that i am not ready to answer) makes shitty animations sometimes idk.

Uses lol too much. Chinese, knows mandarin (translate the random messages for maximum brain damage) i don't know simplified but i do know traditional (please talk to me i need to practice my chinese reading skills) am i a furry? idk but if you're mad about it you can fuck right off (i have a couple ocs and my darling fursona)

am currently inbetween fandoms, fandoms i am (kind of) active in are hetalia, scp, dnd, genshin, pjo, bg3, apothecary diaries, jrwi riptide and csm (list is prone to updating because fandom is my support system) (you wont see my art for most of them but the brainworms are there and sometimes i let them take over)

old fandoms or the fandoms i lurk in (i visit them often): eddsworld, demon slayer, pokemon, vocaloid and wof. (also prone to updates as i remember stuff)

note : i am still in school and have a life outside the internet so stuff will be delayed (which is why i am only kind of active) (i go missing sometimes i am not dead life is just lifing for me)

Do not say anything about how cringe I am I know trust me (it’s a coping mechanism lol)

if you're concerned, you're very right to be. I am very incoherent (most of my life updates have actually devolved into cries for help, please talk to me)

also if you don't like my art or ships just leave(any critique about anything i make shoots a bazooka straight into my heart and behind the screen i crumble into a cartoonish pile of ashes and bones as i stare at the screen blurred by tears) (unless I ask for critique then i brought this on myself and i’ll walk it off don't worry)

(Both of my personas)

My flags (might be updated)

[cheriecoke]

girl i relate to you so hard about not being in a relationship ever. like one of my bsf will just be ranting about how annoying it is to have 3 guys in love with her and im sitting there nodding as if i can relate.

its probs cause i grew up ugly lol. i did get one like…thing(??) with a guy after i confessed (most embarrassing thing in my life never doing it again 😝😝).

but that ended up being shit. im 100000% sure he liked my bsfs. also he made fun of my medical condition in front of my friend so that sucks.

i mean im glad i didnt get into a relationship and get killed by my parents, but i would like to know what its like to have someone like me. idk im just a girl lol

also im so sorry for ranting i just dont have anyone that relates to me in my circle and you seem like a really nice person 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

omg i meant to answer this yesterday and i completely forgot, so sorry! but ugh, i've been there and i completely understand. my friends will tell me about all the people they've dated and i'm like </3 genuinely don't even know what to say half the time because i can't relate with my own experience and i am not qualified to give advice LMFAO. so it's just so awkward. i feel stupid sometimes !

AND I CAN RELATE WITH THE PARENTS HAHAH. my parents were so strict too when it came to boys, and i was such a goody two shoes </3 i was too scared to do anything LOL. but ig they learned their lesson bc my little sister is 14 and has had like 4 boyfriends... like what the hell HDSFHSDH.

but no, i'm right there with you. i think it's hard too bc so much of our media, tv shows, books, music, etc. is focused on romantic love. and while i'm okay most of the time, i'm good at being alone now, it does suck constantly being fed that and having not had those experiences yet. especially since online dating doesn't appeal to me at allll. idk. that's a whole other topic, but i've also noticed people (at least gen-z) just really don't value relationships much anymore, so it's hard to meet people who are on the same page as you anyway, and who want long-term relationships.

also you are always welcome to rant, pls don't apologize! i've always been really embarrassed about my lack of experience lol, but i don't need to be! it's not something to be ashamed of. so i encourage other people to talk to me about it :) i know there are loads of others in the same boat.

[fagnumopus]

Highlights of my bisalp surgery yesterday:

Pre-op nurse measured my height and I immediately groaned when she said 158cm, "I thought I was at 160cm!!" and she replied with "You're still taller than me!! I'm 4'11" and ¾".... with my crocs" and she lifts up her foot to show a pair of HEELED CROCS making me LOSE IT

Surgeon assistant asked about my allergies and when I said "just dust" he said "don't worry, we're not gonna administer that"

I was laid down on the surgery table and finally took off my glasses and said, "I don't think I need to see anything anymore, thanks guys" and the surgeon replied with an AGHAST, "but you still need to see me!!!" making me laugh my ass off

The anesthesiologist leaned over my head and introduced himself, super sweet and polite, and I said, "oh, so you're the one who's gonna send me to the Shadow Realm", prompting like half a dozen nurses and the surgeon to snort under their breath or straight up laugh

Surgeon assistant asked me what surgery I was getting, and I said, "A laparoscopic salpindectomy. Basically, I'm getting spayed", he looked at me very tiredly but I made some random nurse laugh so it was worth it

Anesthesia girl accidentally used she/her pronouns for me and a chorus of like 3 people corrected her with "he!!!" and she leaned over my prone body like I was a table, laughing to herself in embarrassment and apologizing profusely, and I just laughed and said "omg no it's ok girl"

Same anesthesia girl put the gas mask on me, and I said, "oh hell yeah, take me out", making the whole OR team laugh

Nurse told me to take deep breaths. I took some deep breaths and sloooowly felt my body going numb but still was very much awake, she asked very confused, "is... is that the deepest you can breathe?" and I just replied, "oh damn ok" and breathed in DEEP and went, "oh yeah it's happening. My body feels funky. Goodnight" immediately before conking the fuck out

When I woke up the post-op care nurse asked me how I was feeling, and I was fully honest, "Feels like the worst high from really cheap weed" and she laughed LOUD and had to compose herself bc we were in the recovery room lmao

Another post-op nurse gave me some crackers and 3 boxes of apple juice, which I drank fully, and she said I was "a really good drinker!!! Such a good drinker!" like 3 times, with the tone of someone who's genuinely impressed, so I chose to take it as a compliment (OR nurses of Tumblr please let me know why she was so impressed with my hydration skills)

3rd post-op nurse asked me if I liked the underwear they gave me and I said, "girl yes these are so comfy" and she whispered conspiratorially to me, "do you want some extra ones? I'll sneak some extra ones in the bag for you" and I nodded profusely

In summary, it was a lovely experience and everyone was so sweet and kind. No one even ASKED why I was getting a bisalp, they just wanted me to be safe and comfortable... I'm super lucky to have had such a lovely team. I also requested the pre-op nurses to NOT tell me my weight, and mentioned I cannot confirm it because I don't know; they were super understanding and explained very kindly and apologetically they would still need to weigh me to know how much meds to give me (which I was aware of, not an issue), and then the nurse weighing me helped me waddle backwards to the scale and when I was about to turn just to readjust before getting off the scale, she said, "don't look don't look, hold on!!!" because she was still resetting it 😭❤️ they all asked me about my job, my life, where I'm from, etc, kept me engaged and talking at all times, from the moment I was called from the waiting room. I practically didn't even have the time to be anxious, they were all cracking jokes and checking in on how I felt... it was so nice. Bless that team fr. I wouldn't have had my sterilization any other way 💕

[welcomingdisaster]

I saw those anon asks about commenting/public praise for fic and I found the exchange, especially your comments, very helpful. I have a similar thing as you about (not) responding to comments/commenting on things that were done for me on AO3 in what I consider to be a timely manner and it's honestly a bit of a relief to know I'm not the only one who struggles with publicly responding (within my self-imposed time frame) and then just... not doing it from procrastination/embarrassment. I'm also trying to get better at it bc I love being a part of the fandom ecosystem!! And it is difficult sometimes with all the not-imternet responsibilities. I didn't want to butt-in or make you contemplate this more than you have since you talked about how much is on your plate, but I wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one and I hope you're able to achieve your goals re: the plan you mentioned about wanting to engage more. Sending lots of love and support your way ❤️

Ah, as much as it sucks there's other people whose brain does this stupid little dance, it honestly really helps to hear I'm not alone in this! ❤️ I believe that we can get out of the procrastination-shame-procrastination loop, and give ourselves/others grace if we do not!

If it helps, I feel like I should have the tools to do this. My real life job is in behavioral health and I specifically have worked with executive dysfunction a lot and am trying to treat my own baggage here like that same sort of thing.

Here is, more or less, my working plan re: being more engaged. Yes, I'm being a little silly -- but I thought I'd share it if anyone else wants to be silly in the same way.

Today I'm going to identify the things I actually need to do to feel better about my own fandom engagement. There are specific things where I ""owe"" a comment, specific fics I want to rec, specific fics I want to read. I'm going to write these down so I have a list. Having a list is going to make it easier to just pick something and do it.

I'm going to remove or reduce my big time-waster distractions. This is good for my personal life and productivity as well as fandom shit. I am awful at this; I remove these every once in a while and then backslide. I think I'm starting with the manageable (ish) step of deleting the reddit and facebook apps from my phone and trying to reduce/be mindful of the amount I go to those things on desktop. Chosing those because I genuinely gain very little from them. Tumblr and discord, I will think about you later.

Gonna try to remember I can't do everything at once and maybe set a reasonable goal for myself (trying to figure out exactly what that is!). I tend to engage in bursts and then disappear again, and that is probably hurting me right now. Generally all or nothing ends up closer to nothing than all.

Anyways, I hope this wasn't a weird ramble in a response to this ask! Just trying to practice what I'm preaching and apply strategies to this. I think I have a gut response of "if it takes effort to get started it's like a job," but I don't think that's necessarily true. Plenty of things I love to do and want to do more of can be hard to begin.

Thank you for sending me this! It's good not to feel alone.

[jittyjames]

bootleg watching sunday!!

(here's what i watched/listened to earlier this week!!!)

JCS 2012 revival opening night

i got to listen to the jcs revival opening night audio and! oh boy! it's horrible! so we're not starting out strong here. this was the night josh young went on despite being sick (it was like a chest infection or something? bronchitis? pneumonia? he said in an interview that it got to a point where he couldn't even hear himself) and it is VERY OBVIOUS OH NO. his lower register is pretty okay in the first act, but he can not hit those high notes, baby. he's going into falsetto (and a weak one at that) every time. it's not the best look for the first number AND your broadway debut. and it goes downhill from there. he's trying his best and the acting is strong, but vocally, he didn't have the chops unfortch. i had to turn it off at superstar bc the second-hand embarrassment got too strong. it was that bad. by the end he was basically just screaming through it. paul and chilina and the rest of the cast were very good and were trying to make up for it. bless him. he was really trying. butttt on a positive note, i liked how growley and breakey his voice was in the last supper. it made for good emotion. he has to speak the "christ you deserve it" line (bc man is struggling) but mannn. that hit. that's worth the whole boot tbh. his voice was also fine in cwsap. but... it does not make up for the horrible jesus hold in superstar, but we're acting like that doesn't exist. oki dokie. poor guy. he had an off-night. it genuinely does not reflect on his talent at all because from the headlines around that time he was veryyyy sick. so moving right along

Evita (National Tour 2013)

josh young in evita! he's a cutie! i typically like my che's with more bite and glare (raul esparza is my favorite. no one will ever beat raul for me. not even josh. so it’s gonna be hard not to compare) but this was a nice spin and he's so adorable and snarky. he's not playing che guevara here but just... some dude named che. we actually get to see him smile! halfway through i realized that bluedas only smiles ONCE in jcs and it's barely a flicker. so yippee. like i usually like the money kept rolling in to be sarcastic and snappy but he was just so damn adorable looking excited with the money. I CAN'TTTT. and josh hits high notes so gorgeously and clean that they made me gasp so it's different from what i usually like but it's still so good! and lemme get sidetracked to talk about how clean his vocals are? he does a lot in jcs but you can tell he vocally improved a ton between the jcs revival boot and this tour. he's killing it. BUT CAROLINE BOWMAN. WOW. WOWOOWOWOWOW. she might have become my favorite eva. she was excellent. and stunning. and her voice was absolutely CRYSTALS. side note, i have to admit. my tennessee education, no matter how private it was, didn't educate me on the peróns all that much. so i don't know the story beyond the musical. like idk is they’re like… reallly bad. so sorry if talking about this musical is problematic. just let me know💀

Life After

PAUL ALEXANDER NOLAN!!! okay i've found that i like his voice better when it comes to modern musical theatre. and god he does quirky and dad so well. he's adorable, too. all of these actors are just so damn adorable. i had never heard of this musical actually but i received it in a trade and actually REALLY enjoyed it. it's a fun, modern, grief tale. kinda reminds me of deh a little bit stylistically (not plot wise.) it was a proshot and i absolutely loved it. AND I COULD RATE IN ON LETTERBOXD. it's very very very quirky and a nice story. it should have more life tbh. just very cutesy. i loved it. and the lead actress was very good too! and i might have related to the sister character far too much (and it's not just bc i'm a vegetarian o7) i recommend this one if you can get your hands on it.

Jesus Christ Superstar Dutch Tour 2024

SAVED BEST FOR LAST SO I COULD EAT MY PASTA WHILE WATCHING!! AMSTERDAM 2024 JCS AMSTERDAM 2024 JCS AMSTERDAM JCS 2024. oh lord the whump in this one. a pretty jesus. a pretty mary. a pretty judas. and oh my GOD they are suffering. i’m not going to spoil much bc it’s still a new boot and i want people to have a chance to go end blind but HOLY SHITTTTT. i literally had full body chills at the start. genuinely believe this was my fav jesus and that’s HARD (jack and ben i still adore you.) AMAZINGGG vocals from him. AND JUDAS IS TATTED WHICH IS ALWAYS A CROWD PLEASER. mary and simon were also SPECTACULAR. mary is so well done and i adore her character in this. and i never really pay much mind to simon but he was so perfect here and had more depth too. the ensemble in general was fantastic (and fruity!!) the main ships for me in this one is jesus x mary and judas x floor. annas and judas has flavor here tho 👀👀) AND HEROD?? (camera disappointed by not getting jesus during… that but it looks like someone was blocking the camera) @feerz was right everyone. it’s good food. GREAT food even.

[sirenemale]

WARRIOR CATSSSSSSSSS LETS GOOOOOOOOO ❓️💢

I was hoping someone would ask for theseee YAY

❓️ : fav total background character (im not talking minor characters like say. whitewing or moonlight, i mean cats with like...3 lines tops)

This is sooo hard actually. I think most of mine still fall into minor adjacent cause they get some focus and lines. But I've always really liked Ashfoot, literally one of the only wc map parts I've made was about her. I always thought the windclan family dynamic of her being related to onestar was really fun. She just seems very together and competent and idk, I like that she and her husband were both deputies with a foot suffix.

I also always really liked breezepelt's kids, idk what they ever really got up to in canon but Smokehaze, brindlewing, appleshine and woodsong are such cute names. There's probably a lot to explore with how he'd approach parenting with how he grew up. I also think it's really cute that the older sisters ended up mentoring their younger siblings.

Also not super minor, but I guess semi-minor in terms of how often I see fan stuff for them. Pretty much every side or minor character in Graystripe's vow i really liked. Gremlin, Fury, all of warriorclan. Petunia especially, I think all of them you can draw some really fun parallels with first arc characters, I almost wish we'd gotten some kinda soft reset where we start following them instead of the kinda giant extended never ending conflict we have in the main clans. Fury is the antagonist obviously but I don't think she made any kinda impact on the fandom really, I just think she's fun. At the end when she's mostly defeated and bleeding out she crawls to the top of the high rocks in thunderclan camp and I was hoping soooo fucking bad she'd be deranged enough to just stand up there boasting until she died. Not what happened but it's what happened in my heart, not deep at all as a character I just liked that she got to be kinda crazy.

OTHER than thattt. I can only think of Red from Skyclan's destiny. There was a rogue camp and she had drama with her dad bc she had a boyfriend, then her dad Stick tries to kill that guy and she jumps in front first and dies and everyone regrets it lmao.

💢 : what scene made you the most irrationally angry upon first reading

The entirety of Squirrelflight's hope for 1. It was such a viscerally deeply upsetting book to me.

The scenes of Bramblestar demoting squirrelflight to children's tasks, not letting her leave the camp without telling him because she Challenged him, taking her autonomy away, guilt tripping her, telling her she's selfish for not wanting to kill pregnant woman who is going to leave in Less than a MONTH anyway. The whole book just made me feel crazy. It's crazy how uncharacteristically sadistic every character becomes JUST so squirrelflight can be made to look inconsiderate for Embarrassing her husband in public by telling him they can just Wait for them to leave. And it's worse because it does completely break her down, Bramblestar completely shatters her sense of confidence, her sense of safety and personality ALL for the book to treat it like it was two-sided, all for her to apologize to him for speaking up and then the book ends. I don't think warrior cats has ever written anything more vile than this genuinely.

I remember that scene where she brought one of the sisters, who was dying, into camp for Leafpool to treat. and bramblestar threatened leafpool, his sister-in law and their DOCTOR not to heal an outsider. when squirrelflight argues and protects leafpool, fights for sunrise, bramblestar asks Why are you doing this to me. Guilting her and forcing her to choose between saving a woman's life, protecting her sister, AND listening to him beyond all reason. Choosing anything else except him is Hurting him. That's the framing. And it's crazy bc this isn't normal for warrior cats either, again it's uncharacteristically sadistic, it goes against the code, and it's all so they could write this scene, so bramble could say that, So it would Hurt squirrelflight, and punish her narratively.

You'd think it's intentional writing but then you remember this is the last book he's meant to be Good, because the next arc he's possessed by ashfur and is meant to actually be abusive and possessive and terrifying, which he is. But it's just fucking mortifying that the writer's idea of Bramblestar at his best, at the point where everyone missed him, is this. That they consistently do believe their relationship is healthiest and most equal when she is completely submitting to him.

ANYWAY that;s not even the actual last scene that broke me irt actually reading warrior cats myself LMAO.

it was similar though it was the way they handled shadowsight in the broken code. Similar thing of a character who is being so outrageously abused, other characters around him are suddenly far more sadistic and cruel than they've been before just to further beat him down While also having it be narratively justified.

Anyway it's the scene where Shadowsight, mothwing (i think), lionblaze and willowshine are trying to access the dark forest or starclan to get bramble's spirit back. No one trusts shadowsight, they all literally hate him, especially Lionblaze. Shadowsight offers to go to the dark forest, knowing there's a good chance he'll die there. He does this because he's basically suicidal at this point, so wracked with guilt over unknowingly creating this situation and having everyone Blame him for it that he's like Let me make it right. Lionblaze refuses because he doesn't trust him, so Willowshine offers instead. Willow lies down and closes her eyes so she can dream herself into the dark forest and in one of the fucking rawest scenes they've had in a MINUTE she dies on the spot. Ashfur killed her spirit in the darkforest so fast that barely a minute after she closes her eyes her physical body DIES. Lionblaze immediatelyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy blames shadowsight for this and is like it should have been you why did you let this happen. And at that point i was really like. if i keep reading this series I am Actually going to smash my head into a walllllllllll. I think I did finish the book a while later and idk.

It's hard knowing so much of this could be really hard hitting writing about abuse and complex situations. I think the meta of warriors is really interesting, the way the authors misogyny and absurd hate for abuse victims literally warps the world and character morals book by book. The way it literally gets worse as the books continue. I can't stomach reading it myself anymore LMAO. But I also have permanent brain worms for warriors so I still keep up with the character drama in the new books, there's stuff that's really interesting to me. Looking at curlfeather, frostpaw and splashtail's stuff. But yeah