#i don't like talking about this whole shit because its fucking tiring

[ladsofsorrow24]

one of the... weirdly good thing about AI art invading the illustration field is that now, whenever i look at art that doesn't cater to my weird fucking taste, i'm able to appreciate the efforts and creativity that are put into making the artist's own personal vision come to life

[rapidhighway]

i might've fucked up -.-

[confetti-critter]

The night is young and I am free to do whatever my heart desires but unfortunately I have once again found myself trapped in the Time Prison and so I

[saltinesinsoup]

ouhg ahg owie yeowch!! sinus pain

[philosophicallie]

I want a cat. I want 5 cats. they'll help me actually live by being what I need to take care of so I have to take care of myself

[infiniteglitterfall]

know someone who enjoys horror stories? share this one! it's true!

hahahahahahahahahaha aarrggghhhhhhhhhh 3,000,000 deaths due to COVID-19 last year. Globally. Three million. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. The reason people are still worried about COVID is because it has a way of quietly fucking up your body. And the risk is cumulative.

I'm going to say that again: the risk is cumulative.

It's not just that a lot of people get bad long-term effects from it. One in seven or so? Enough that it's kind of the Russian Roulette of diseases. It's also that the more times you get it, the higher that risk becomes. Like if each time you survived Russian Roulette, the empty chamber was removed from the gun entirely. The worst part is that, psychologically, we have the absolute opposite reaction. If we survive something with no ill effects, we assume it's pretty safe. It is really, really hard to override that sense of, "Ok, well, I got it and now I probably have a lot of immunity and also it wasn't that bad." It is not a respiratory disease. Airborne, yes. Respiratory disease, no: not a cold, not a flu, not RSV.

Like measles (or maybe chickenpox?), it starts with respiratory symptoms. And then it moves to other parts of your body. It seems to target the lungs, the digestive system, the heart, and the brain the most.

It also hits the immune system really hard - a lot of people are suddenly more susceptible to completely unrelated viruses. People get brain fog, migraines, forget things they used to know.

(I really, really hate that it can cross the blood-brain barrier. NOTHING SHOULD EVER CROSS THE BLOOD-BRAIN BARRIER IT IS THERE FOR A REASON.) Anecdotal examples of this shit are horrifying. I've seen people talk about coworkers who've had COVID five or more times, and now their work... just often doesn't make sense? They send emails that say things like, "Sorry, I didn't mean Los Angeles, I meant Los Angeles."

Or they insist they've never heard of some project that they were actually in charge of a year or two before.

Or their work is just kind of falling apart, and they don't seem to be aware of it.

People talk about how they don't want to get the person in trouble, so their team just works around it. Or they describe neighbors and relatives who had COVID repeatedly, were nearly hospitalized, talked about how incredibly sick they felt at the time... and now swear they've only had it once and it wasn't bad, they barely even noticed it.

(As someone who lived with severe dissociation for most of my life, this is a genuinely terrifying idea to me. I've already spent my whole life being like, "but what if I told them that already? but what if I did do that? what if that did happen to me and I just don't remember?") One of its known effects in the brain is to increase impulsivity and risk-taking, which is real fucking convenient honestly. What a fantastic fucking mutation. So happy for it on that one. Yes, please make it seem less important to wear a mask and get vaccinated. I'm not screaming internally at all now.

I saw a tweet from someone last year whose family hadn't had COVID yet, who were still masking in public, including school.

She said that her son was no kind of an athlete. Solidly bottom middle of the pack in gym.

And suddenly, this year, he was absolutely blowing past all the other kids who had to run the mile. He wasn't running any faster. His times weren't fantastic or anything. It's just that the rest of the kids were worse than him now. For some reason. I think about that a lot. (Like my incredibly active six-year-old getting a cold, and suddenly developing post-viral asthma that looked like pneumonia.

He went back to school the day before yesterday, after being home for a month and using preventative inhalers for almost week.

He told me that it was GREAT - except that he couldn't run as much at recess, because he immediately got really tired. Like how I went outside with him to do some yard work and felt like my body couldn't figure out how to increase breathing and heart rate.

I wasn't physically out of breath, but I felt like I was out of breath. That COVID feeling people describe, of "I'm not getting enough air." Except that I didn't have that problem when I had COVID.) Some people don't observe any long (or medium) term side effects after they have it.

But researchers have found viral reservoirs of COVID-19 in everyone they've studied who had it.

It just seems to hang out, dormant, for... well, longer than we've had an opportunity to observe it, so far.

(I definitely watched that literal horror movie. I think that's an entire genre. The alien dormant under ice in the Arctic.)

(oh hey I don't like that either!!!!!!!!!) All of which is to explain why we should still care about avoiding it, and how it manages to still cause excess deaths. Measuring excess deaths has been a standard tool in public health for a long time.

We know how many people usually die from all different causes, every year. So we can tell if, for example, deaths from heart disease have gone way up in the past three years, and look for reasons. Those are excess deaths: deaths that, four years ago, would not have happened. During the pandemic, excess death rates have been a really important tool. For all sorts of reasons. Like, sometimes people die from COVID without ever getting tested, and the official cause is listed as something else because nobody knows they had COVID. But also, people are dying from cardiovascular illness much younger now.

People are having strokes and heart attacks younger, and more often, than they did before the pandemic started. COVID causes a lot of problems. And some of those problems kill people. And some of them make it easier for other things to kill us. Lung damage from COVID leading to lungs collapsing, or to pneumonia, or to a pulmonary embolism, for example. The Economist built a machine-learning model with a 95% confidence interval that gauges excess death statistics around the world, to tell them what the true toll of the ongoing COVID pandemic has been so far.

Total excess deaths globally in 2023: Three million.

3,000,000.

Official COVID-19 deaths globally so far: Seven million. 7,000,000. Total excess deaths during COVID so far: Thirty-five point two million. 35,200,000.

Five times as many.

That's bad. I don't like that at all. I'm glad last year was less than a tenth of that. I'm not particularly confident about that continuing, though, because last year we started a period of really high COVID transmission. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. Here's their data, and charts you can play with, and links to detailed information on how they did all of this:

Here's a non-paywalled link to it:

https://archive.vn/2024.01.26-012536/https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/coronavirus-excess-deaths-estimates

Oh: here's a link to where you can buy comfy, effective N95 masks in all sizes:

Those ones are about a buck each after shipping - about $30 for a box of 30. They also have sample packs for a dollar, so you can try a couple of different sizes and styles.

You can wear an N95 mask for about 40 total hours before the effectiveness really drops, so that's like a dollar for a week of wear.

They're also family-owned and have cat-shaped masks and I really love them. These ones are cuter and in a much wider range of colors, prints, and styles, but they're also more expensive; they range from $1.80 to $3 for a mask. ($18-$30 for a box of ten.)

[iiotic]

JEALOUSY

in which, you, meet the famous traveller and her companion, offering them your help as a guide in natlan, however your friend and secretly crush, doesn't seem to like it very much.

before you read -> jealousy, stalking, ajaw, mutual pining sorta, generally fluff, swearing, poorly written, short, cringe, female reader, based of an request (thank you anon!!)

word count: 1.6k

the first time i wrote it tumblr decided to delete the whole shit, thank you tumblr we all say in unison. that's why it's kinda worse now (rushed) help.

"what are we?"

the question lingered in your mind as kinich, once again, took you out on a walk. you didn't have the confidence to ask him that though, no. whenever you tried to ask him that simple, yet so important question, the words would never leave your mouth. it was like your mind was telling you to not do it, or else you'd ruin everything.

that you'd ruin all of your hardwork of becoming friends with kinich, best friends even you'd say but you doubt that he'd ever call you that. the countless nights that you spend sleepless because you were thinking about him. his eyes, his smile, his hair, his sense of humour, his bluntness, his confidence; everyting about him was so..

you gasped, snapping out of your thoughts as a bird flew right in front of your face. you stopped in your tracks, trying to calm yourself from the jumpscare. right infront of you, the beautiful landscape of natlan, with the sun rising from its slumber. yet you didn't stop to admire the sunset, nor the beautiful landscape, your attention was fully focused on the boy who seemed confused why you suddenly stopped, his yellow eyes shining even more than normally.

"are you alright?" kinich asked, walking over to you with a worried look. he put the back of his hand on your forehead. "you don't look very well, you're all warm and red."

"oh. no, im perfectly fine! just a little tired from the walk." you chuckled nervously, putting the whole teatric.

"pheraps we should take a break? c'mon" he said, gesturing you to follow him to the nearby rocks. the place of resting he chose was literally perfect, of course the rocks were hard as rocks are but there were trees next to them, blocking you from the sun.

you sat down with a heavy sigh, looking at your surroundings trying to stop yourself from thinking about the boy sitting next to you, nothing new, nothing interesting that would peak your interest. maybe kinich wouldn't mind if you rested your eyes for a bit.. just close them, relax, take a quick nap.

turns out he didn't mind, as he didn't wake you up; the almighty k'uhul ajaw did by his rather loud complaining. he was just in time out a second ago. you always thought that putting him in "time out" was silly. how annoying can he be? a lot, you soon found out.

"I do NOT have to waste my PRECIOUS TIME being here and doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING." he yelled, some strangers heads turning in your direction. embarrassing.

soon enough you made your way home, trying to ignore the voices of an annoying ancient dragon. as you were walking something or rather someone caught your attention.

"hey, who's that?" you said to kinich, pointing in the direction of strangers. "they don't look like they would be from around here."

"oh? that's the traveller and her companion, have you not met them?" he'd respond

"no, have you?"

you don't know how or why but you found yourself next to the strangers, introducing yourself in a second. if kinich knew them and didn't talk badly about them then they must be pretty cool. plus you needed friends, as you didn't know much people you liked here.

your mind telling you to go back, away from them because that's fucking weird, why would a random stranger come up to you with a creepy big smile and start introducing youself and rambling like a fool, but your heart was telling you that maybe just maybe they didn't find you as weird and let you accompany them just for some time.

and as it turns out they didn't find you as weird!! hurray or something. they told you how they just showed up here being here for roughly two days. you told them that you can guide them through natlan as they didn't seem to know the territory very well, they agreed but told you that they've been around the people of the springs as mualani already showed them around. oh? so they know mualani, nice.

you failed to notice the slight frown on kinichs face, what happened to your time alone when he wasn't doing commissions?

soon enough, about another two days later you finished showing them around. now, you sat in a nice restaurant next to a big window, laughing.

"yeah, it was so fun!!" you said with a bright smile, you were just happy to find someone who seemed to enjoy your presence as much as you enjoyed their. however in your head you felt like you forgot something, something important to you, something that you missed.

in the open, behind some trees stood kinich, seemingly observing you, smiling, you were smiling. at whom? the traveller and her companion, paimon. he knew that they were trustworthy but did they really deserve your smile? your smile which is brighter than the sun, shooing away the dark clouds when he was feeling under the weather?

the nonchalant, normally calm kinich was jealous? impossible. those were the annoying words from his even more annoying dragon.

"noo but seriouslyyy are we just going to stand there and do nothing? I'm bored!! it just proves the creep that you are, a stalker. I don't even know how they can put up with y-" the almighty k'uhul ajaw got cut off by his "owner" by him making him go in time out. "HEY WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE Doing"

kinich didn't know what he was doing, was it on impulse? as much as he didn't want to admit it he knew that ajaw was right. he was jealous. by the way you smiled at them, to the fact that you hardly were spending any time with him anymore. he knew that it was just for some time, until the traveller will go to the next stop on their journey, yet still he couldn't help his actions.

now, he stood in front of your front door to your house. some not so cheap flowers in his hands, rainbow roses from fontaine, they were expensive it was unbelievable, but he just wanted everything to go perfect.

he knocked, heard footsteps inside, immediately regret his decision. the atmosphere was tense, awkward as you opened the door to kinich just looking at you with flowers in his hands, not saying anything, it wasn't like him at all.

"are those for.. me?" you asked, almost pleaded silently him that yes they were indeed for you, and how fucking stupid can you be of course they were for you, you fucking clueless moron. that would be the words spoken by ajaw if he wasn't locked out right now.

all he did was shove the flowers in your hands, clearly avoiding your gaze and breathing out a quick "yes"

"oh, these are lovely, thank you." you said with slightly flushed cheeks, your fingertips dragging at one of the pedals on the flower. "do you want to come in?.." you asked awkwardly

he nodded eagerly in response, now stepping a foot in your house. you closed the door behind you, asking him what does he want to do now. you looked up to see him already looming over you.

"you know, you haven't really been paying attention to me lately. I can fix that.."

© 2024 iiotic. — do not steal, translate or repost any of my content onto any other platform

definitely one of my least favourite works, the ending was rushed because as I said tumblr decided to delete the fucking whole thingihmtgkdimtweaking

[starringthesturniolos]

baby it's cold outside - chris sturniolo

summary: you are forced to share the air mattress with your long time enemy, chris, on a camping trip.

"Since you two wanted to argue the whole way up, you guys get to share a tent together. Yay!!", Matt says while jumping up and down in fake excitement.

On the way to the camp site, Chris and I did argue a lot. But in my defense, the idiot kept pushing my buttons! He kept turning my least favorite songs on and blasting them at full volume so I couldn't sleep. When we stopped at 7/11 he grabbed the last of my favorite drink and gulped it down in front of me. When we finally arrived, he dumped all my heavy bags on the ground and laughed at me struggling to pick them up. It was like he was asking to get yelled at, or like he wanted me to be mad at him.

"No, Matt please!" I grab onto his arm desperately. "I'm sorry but please don't make me stay with him!"

Matt rolls his eyes at me and folds his arms over his chest. "Would you rather sleep outside then?" I scoff and shoot a glare towards Chris who isn't standing too far behind Matt. "Yeah, sounds about right."

"Sleep outside then. That's fine by me, princess." Chris sneers responding to my comment while turning his back on me to set up his tent. I take three deep breathes and close my eyes. I am not going to let this idiot keep getting under my skin. I stomp away from Matt and Chris over to the log Nick was sitting on and he laughs at me.

"Well hello, Mrs. Grumpy"

"Oh shut up" you sigh.

I plop my bag down on the floor, my chest heaving from hauling ass. I had to carry my heavy bags all the way from where Chris dropped them earlier today to the tent. He was laying all comfortable in his set up of blankets and the sight alone pissed me off.

"Thought you were sleeping outside tonight. Is it because you're scared of the animals, princess?" he sneers out the nickname like I'm more of an ogre than a princess. Why is he always so fucking annoying.

"Leave me alone, and I leave you alone. I'm going to bed. I'm tired and I'm not here for the bullshit." I say as I reach into my bag for my sleeping bag. My sleeping bag. Holy shit.

"Shit, shit, shit" you dump out your bag and see no sleeping bag in sight. Its cold out and the thought of sleeping without any covering made a shiver crawl down your spine.

"What is it now??" Chris sits up and turns the flashlight on in an exasperated manner. You sigh deeply. "It's nothing, go to bed Chris." He shrugs and lies down again, turning his back to me. I didn't need to give him another reason to tease me tonight. I flop on the ground on the opposite side of the tent from him and curl up into a ball. I can feel myself shivering but I try to ignore it.

Thinking back on when I first met the triplets in 3rd grade, I remember how cute I thought Chris was. I met Nick and Matt on the bus ride home from school one day when Chris was sick. The next day, me, Matt, and Nick were playing tag at recess when Chris walked out with a doctors note in hand. He walked over to his brothers and my heart skipped a beat. Immediately, Nick and Matt went to introduce me. "Chris! This is-" before Nick could even finish his sentence, Chris was already talking. "Well, isn't she a looker" he chuckles sarcastically while looking down at me, clearly judging me. I also looked down at my two loose braids and hand me down clothes and sigh. "Am I really that ugly" I thought to myself. I knew I probably shouldn't have let a boy that I hardly knew opinion get to me, but the tears came nonetheless." I wanted him to like me" you thought to yourself, wallowing in self pity. I was cut out of my trance when Chris started to laugh sporadically. "What? What is it?" I mutter looking at Chris and then too Matt and Nick who look embarrassed by their brothers rude antics. "Nothing, nothing. Its just... You're even uglier when you cry!" he starts laughing even harder. I felt myself start to shake from embarrassment and anger. Who did he think he was. "Your mean!" I stomped my foot which only made him laugh harder. I couldn't take anymore harassment in one day, and turned on my heel and ran away with Nick and Matt right on my heels.

After all these years he still hasn't changed. "Y/N, HELLO!!" Chris yells bringing me back to the present. "What?".

"Where the fuck is your sleeping bag?" he asks. I sit up from where I was laying to face him. He was now laying down with his body faced in my direction.

"Oh my God, clearly not here or I'd be using it, dumbass." I roll my eyes and go to lay back down.

"Lose the attitude and come stay in the bed with me" he mutters before I can return to my balled up position. My mouth flys open. Since when did he care if I was cold or not. "Wait, what?" I say in shock.

"Get the fuck up and come here. Nick and Matt will punch me in the throat if you catch a cold." he says nonchalantly as if it's normal for people that hate each other to share a bed. I roll my eyes again. I'm not sharing a bed with an asshole, even if it causes me to freeze to death. "No thanks" I scoff, preparing to lay back down again.

He sighs exasperated and moves from his comfortable position in his blankets. He stands up and starts walking towards me. I feel my throat start to tense up. "What are you doing?" fear creeping into my tone. Once he reaches me, he grips underneath my thighs with one hand and tries to support my back with the other. Desperately, I try to wiggle out of his grasp but too no avail. I am in his arms in no time. It takes everything in me to not sink into his warm chest. I didn't realize how cold I was until this exact moment. Suddenly I start to panic again when he starts to walk because I have no idea where he's taking me. Then I think of the worst. "Are you seriously gonna throw me out the tent. Come on Chris, do you really hate me that much??"

He stops moving entirely and he looks down at me. God the way he looks looking down at me is enough to be in any girls dream. Too bad he's just a big dickhead. "You weren't listening to me. So now I'm forcing you to stay with me on the air mattress." he pauses before continuing, almost like he doesn't want to say what he's going to say next. He sighs and continues on, "You were shivering really bad while you were in La La land. I didn't want you too freeze anymore." He had a glimmer of concern in eyes when he said it and that's all it takes for me to believe him. I hate the way my cheeks warm up from the honest confession. It meant he cared, and it shouldn't matter to me but it does.

He starts to walk again, seeing I had no response and plops me down on the mattress. He flops down right beside me, and even though it's warmer with the blankets, it's not enough. Another shiver racks through me. "Y/n??" Chris doesn't even try to hide the concern in his voice. "Do you need me closer? Will that help?" he looks at me waiting for my call. The thought of Chris getting close to me is enough to make my head spin. And as much as I wish being in Chris' arms would repeal me, it doesn't. Instead I feel my heart skip a beat like they did all those years ago. Get it together Y/n.

"Yes" I whisper. Chris doesn't need to be told twice and he pulls me impossibly close to his body. He grabs my thigh and puts it around his waist and then pulls my head into his chest. All I can sense is him. Instead of it annoying me, I lean into his scent and his warmth. In my heart I know that even if it was the hottest night of all time, I'd still enjoy being wrapped in him like this. And I hated myself for it. I melt into his arms and feel myself getting lulled to sleep. Just as I'm about to fall asleep I feel his lips graze my hair. " I could never hate you, angel, not in a million years. I'm sorry". And with those words, I fall asleep in his arms.

Send in request, I could always use some more inspo

Love, Mya

[5ummit]

So there's this post with a troubling number of notes going around insisting that "dead dove" is not a genre, it doesn't inherently have anything to do with darkfic, and that the tag could be applied to fics that are "100% fluffy where everyone's having a good time" if they happen to contain some abnormal (though entirely non-problematic) content like an unusual kink. The claim is that "dead dove: do not eat" is simply a "courtesy tag" that means "this is a very specific niche, mind the tags." And that's just... wrong.

I wrote up a whole rebuttal to this post since I can't stand misinformation and frankly OP was being kinda rude and judgey on top of their wrongness. But right after I posted my reply, OP turned off reblogs because, and I quote, “some fuckwad added some dumb shit onto this post and it is no longer educational” (the “fuckwad” being me and the “dumb shit” being proof that they were wrong). A couple people have asked me to make a rebloggable version of my response, which I've decided to do because this isn't the first time I've heard similar claims and I want to help set the record straight. However, I'm not linking the original post on the off chance this gains traction because OP did the right thing by turning off reblogs, preventing it from circulating further, and I don't want them to get hate for being unfortunately misinformed.

For those who don't know the history, "dead dove: do not eat" was originally proposed as a catchall "hydra trash party" alternative label for any fandom to warn that the content of a fic may be considered problematic or potentially upsetting and to read the tags carefully so you know what you're getting into and won't complain later. Specifically, DD:DNE was intended to convey that the Bad Things in the fic would likely be reveled in and not explicitly condemned by the narrative, which some people tend to get up in arms about, hence the need for the extra warning in addition to the tags. Don't believe me? Here's the original proposal (note DD:DNE can be found on a handful of fics dated before 2015 but this is when it really took off and became a Thing).

There are currently around 50,000 fics tagged as "dead dove: do not eat" on AO3 and close to 50% of those also include the rape/noncon warning (which of course is not the only type of "dead dove" but is one of the most popular and most consistently tagged). The normal percentage of noncon fics in any given fandom? Around 1-3%. That's a HUGE disparity. So don't tell me that dead dove is just a general "courtesy tag" and doesn't or shouldn't have dark connotations. Even the context of the original joke on Arrested Development has a dark undertone. Micheal Bluth casually finds an animal carcass in a bag in his refrigerator with the label "do not eat", as if eating it would be any sane person's first thought. The whole situation is kinda fucked up. And this fucked up vibe very much carries over into fandom usage too, as was intended.

The claim that dead dove has nothing to do with the content's genre and could just as easily be used to describe a 100% fluffy fic in which everyone's having a good time is straight up Wrong, or at the very least, severely warping the original meaning. Also, when someone these days says that they like/dislike "dead dove" most people in fandom automatically understand what that means because of the consistency of its usage over the years and the way language evolves. Whether you like it or not, "dead dove" IS a genre now and the term does carry a specific connotation. I do agree that DD:DNE should definitely still be used in conjunction with other tags, when applicable, to be explicit about the exact type of fucked up content you may find, but to say that the term is meaningless on its own is patently false and I'm tired of people who don't know what they're talking about pushing this narrative and causing even more confusion.

You want a generic term that also means "mind the tags" and doesn't have any inherently dark connotations? Just use good ol' "what it says on the tin" instead of trying to force dead dove to be something it's not.

[binniesbooks]

hi my fayebae~ since u said u loved the car clip of soobin, here’s one for u to write ur heart away!! (U can of course choose whether u wanna do it or not no pressure!! Im just sending since its at the top of my mind rn, ahh n im sorry for so many request i usually dont send anyt in but🥹i didnt think it would be this fun to see my request coming to life uk but i digress)

idk whether u would like this but:

bf!soobin x gf!brat!reader

they got into an argument and stuff but soobin who still loves his gf comes n picks her up after (cheerleading?prac of some sorts)

Otw home… reader gives the cold shoulder to soob, not talking thru out the entire journey? So soob decides to take a detour n drives to somewhere that doesnt have many ppl looking in the night.

They start talking n tried to resolve whatever their fighting abt, one thing led to another, well reader is giving him a bj!!(the rest of the smut is up to u!!)

inspired by that soob clip of course~ have fun love💗

REVVED UP EMOTIONS

SB 000 .F23 2024

wc 3.7k

pairings bf!Soobin x bratgf!reader

warnings oral sex, semi-public, unprotected sex, slight brat taming, being almost caught, pet names (+ anything that I missed)

faye's note this clip was on my mind 24/7. And after receiving it I got excited making this one out but I'm not sure if it turned out good because my mind was kinda occupied with thesis shit. Omfg. Anyways, I hope it isn't dry tho 😔

Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship, be it familial, platonic, or romantic. Arguments can arise from misunderstandings, unmet expectations, or simply the simple things from daily life. Recently, you found yourself in a heated disagreement with Soobin, your boyfriend.

The sun hung low one afternoon, casting golden lights through the window. You were sprawled on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through your phone. Soobin on the other hand, who had just come home from a busy day at university, was busy, again, in the kitchen, occasional noises of clicks and clangs of utensils on pots and pans plus the opening and closing of the faucet can be heard.

You overheard him murmur "Yeah, dinner for two," as he clicked his tongue. You felt a strange pang of irritation swell within you. It wasn't about him or the meal he was preparing, it was you. You actually promised him you would help out, maybe even cook together, but here you were, scrolling on your phone.

You stood up as you trudged to the kitchen, arms crossed as you leaned on the sink. "You didn't have to do all this," you stood feigning nonchalance as you bit your cheek to not show the guilt you were feeling. "You could have asked me for help."

"Oh?" He looked at you with disappointment, "I thought you were busy checking social media," his blunt reply and harsh tone made your ears hot out of irritation. "I didn't want to interrupt your 'important' scrolling."

The sarcasm was too emphasized and it stung more than you expected. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Your eyebrows furrowed as you met with his gaze. "Nothing! I just thought maybe you'd care enough to have some initiative or something. We both agreed to share the chores. I was tired the whole day only to come back home without even eating a single thing." His voice raised with frustration as he threw down the spatula.

"I was going to help!" Your voice was quite high as you tried to cover how you abandoned your promise. "Oh yeah? I was out all day to finish my projects. And there you were scrolling through your phone." He said as he crumpled the apron he was wearing and threw it also on the table.

"You know what, Soobin? Maybe I don't always want to help! Maybe I want a day off too!" You felt the tension suffocating the air around you. Your heart raced but you're too afraid you're wrong.

"That's fucking selfish!" His voice rose, echoing in the confines of the kitchen. "You can't just say you want a break when we agreed to support each other!" He even added. "Fine! I guess we don't need any support then!" You turned on your heel as if fleeing away would help erase the hurtful things that had been said.

"Hey, y/n! Where are you going!" He called but you did not even take a glance. He called you multiple times but his voice just faded out as you were stomping your way to the bedroom.

That night, you didn't come out for dinner. Your mind was in a whirlwind of regret and stubborn pride. Soobin had a point, you were just lazing around that time, however, you don't want to accept that it was your fault. That same night, he didn't come into the room. Your shared bed feels so empty, but you can't just bring yourself to ask for an apology.

Later that morning, you tiptoed your way out. Still too early that your boyfriend was still sleeping, uncomfortably by the way, on the couch. You just grabbed bread and water and went out.

You two always ride his car to go to school. But this time you were determined not to ask for a simple apology and went out by yourself instead. And yes, you were planning to walk to school for your practice. However, some guy passed by and let you ride their car. Since you know the one who offered you a ride, you accepted the offer. It was Kai anyway, aside from being in Soobin's circle of friends, he was part of your cheerleading team.

"Why are you walking so early in the morning? Where's Soobin?" He asked out of curiosity.

"I don't know, maybe somewhere." You answered as you rolled your eyes, still being stubborn. "Are you two fighting?" Kai chuckled as he watched your actions while the traffic light was still red.

"We broke up." You nonchalantly remarked. Well, that was supposed to be a joke, and you never thought that Kai would actually believe those words.

"Woah shit! You what?" He was really startled at what you said as he covered his mouth while keeping the other on the wheel. You just laughed at him as you took the last bite of the bread.

Your whole Saturday went on like the usual cheerleading practice days. But since your mind is still in a whirlwind of pride, you couldn't focus. Causing you to crash multiple times while practicing. You were even scolded by your coach and instructors telling you that you looked like your mind flying or some sort. You just rolled your eyes at them whenever they turn their backs to you.

For that reason, you got hurt, earning yourself a few scratches here and there. You didn't even bother at all. Kai on the other hand, took the chance to treat your scratches. You're still not aware that he actually took your words this morning to heart and mind.

"It's just a scratch, Kai. No need to create a big fuss." You chuckled as he handed you a few bandages.

"Still, scratches can cause infection." He defended himself.

"Fine fine, you win." You sighed in defeat.

You two shared each other's company during lunch that day. You could even tell that many eyes are watching you -- no, most probably judging you at this point. Nonetheless, you just shrugged it off and enjoyed Kai's company instead. Not knowing that this could fuel some bigger fire. Fire that Kai holds, and fire that your boyfriend holds.

Since Soobin was not on the campus that day, he just stayed at home. He can't even contact you since you purposely left your phone. He was just cleaning all day. Just decluttering everything at home. He knows you're practicing today anyway. The only difference is that he usually accompanies you to school and waits for you until practice is done and brings you home, but now, he's just at home busying himself with the chores. He just planned to fetch you later this afternoon and treat you to some restaurant to make it up to you since he feels sorry about raising his voice at you.

"Let's wrap up here today." Your coach shouts as he reminds the assigned cleaners to clean the gymnasium before going home.

"Ugh! Cleaning this whole gymnasium sucks!" You complained, picking up the materials your team has used.

"Anyway, why are you still here? You're not on the list to clean today, right?" You were pertaining to the young boy tailing you. He smiled as he scratched the back of his head, "I want to offer you a ride home." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Don't you have like, any other things to do?" You asked, counting the pompoms before storing them in the box.

"Don't have any." Kai shook his hand as he took the box from your hand and headed to the facility room.

As soon as you and the other were done cleaning, you immediately headed out, Kai insisted on carrying your cheerleading bag. Once again, eyes were gawking at the two of you. You can hear a few of them mumbling but you still ignored it.

Kai opened his car door to let you in. But before you could even step foot inside, someone spoke which made you stop in your tracks. "Where are you headed to?" You turn around to see Soobin as he brings his window down.

"O-oh Soobin hyung." Soobin nods at the younger boy to notice his existence, his elbow hanging at the open window.

You quickly retreat as you grab your bag from Kai. "I-i thought..." Kai stammered as he looked at you. "I was just messing with you Kai, it's not real." You sighed. "What did she say?" Soobin interrupted as he turned to you. You're just a millisecond late to cover Kai's mouth as the words slip out. "She said that you two broke up." Soobin snapped his head towards the younger, a smirk forming on his lips. "Did she?" Kai just nods, still clueless. "Get in," Soobin commanded over you. "I'll take her home, be safe, Kai," Soobin says as he closes the window, whistling.

The whole drive is deafening in silence. You can't hear anything except the faint music playing on the car radio.

"Wow, did we actually break up?" Soobin states with unbelief as he taps his fingers on the wheels.

You were still saying nothing. "Y/n, seriously, are you still mad at me? You didn't even eat last night." He sighed as he continuously threw you glances. Both of your hands were properly curled up in a ball above your thighs clutching your short skirt as you stared outside the window. Looking at whatever unpleasant view outside that seems interesting to you.

The once bright clouds turned darker. "Is it gonna rain? I thought I checked the weather news before I went out." Soobin whispers, changing the stations to listen to the news.

The raindrops started to fall on the car window, drizzling softly as it made the glass cold. "Grab my jacket in the backseat." Soobin talks to you again, but you're not even giving him a single glance.

Soobin messages his temple, "I wanted to take you to a restaurant tonight to make it up to you, but it looks like it's pouring really hard. I'm sorry y/n, just please talk to me." He's totally losing his patience at this point as if he's gonna burst again but tried his very best not to go over the top. He regretted raising his voice yesterday so much.

The once-familiar view of the road becomes foreign to your eyes. You turned to Soobin, looking at his unusual demeanor. If he'd been talking so much earlier, his lips were totally shut now. You wanted to speak and ask him where he was bringing you or what was wrong but you stopped yourself. Whatever will be, will be, you thought to yourself.

The rain started pouring harder, and the once busy road you were on looked empty now. Thunder clasps from far away making a rumbling sound. You try to rub your shoulder to create friction to keep your body warm. You're starting to feel cold and Soobin hasn't thrown you a glance nor commented anything at you.

He suddenly pulled up on the roadside, and the light from the lamp post dimly flickered inside the car.

"Not gonna lie, I felt like a dumb ass talking to a wall earlier." His eyes met yours for a while before you averted your gaze. He grabs his jacket and hands it to you, "Wear this, you must be cold. I just realized, your skirt is too short, and your tank top is too thin, at that." He eyes you up and down as you wear his jacket.

"This is fucking crazy." He mumbled as he pulled his hair.

"Y/n, baby, look, I'm really sorry for raising my voice at you, hm? I was just really tired last night." He gently placed his hand above yours on your thighs.

Your eyes were following a few cars passing by as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. You felt Soobin hold your face gently. "Baby, please look at me. I'm not used to this. You know me." Soobin's eyes were practically begging. He couldn't stand you giving him the cold shoulder.

The truth is you were just afraid. You're afraid to admit you had acted selfishly. Afraid of facing him after a petty argument over something so trivial.

"I just want you to talk to me," he caresses your cheeks, words so gentle and comforting, "I can't fix this if you won't talk to me."

Soobin pulls you in for a hug, warming up your heart. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, surrendering to him and putting down your stubborn pride. You mumbled a soft sorry as he gently rubbed your back. You let your arms move freely, as you return the hug to Soobin.

"Please don't do this again to me." He kissed your forehead. "I'm sorry for raising my voice, baby. I'm sorry for making you feel upset at me." Soobin's probably the sweetest guy you could ever ask for. He can make you feel loved and appreciated, but of course, you're just stubborn and bratty at times, which makes him wanna lose his temper.

Soobin pulls away, showering your face with a hundreds of kisses. You can't help but giggle at his actions."I didn't mean to shut you out." You mumbled with a pout. "You don't look sincere." Soobin commented which made you pout more. He chuckled as he pulled you in for a kiss.

The kiss felt soft and gentle. That's why you had no idea, why he was shoving his tongue inside your mouth. He bit your lip with a little harshness making you push him away. "Oww! What was that!" You complained. Soobin simply smirked at you. "I'm asking for an apology and forgiving you for one, but not the other issue." His smirk turns to a frown. "Soobin I can explain that..." Your heart began to race, thumping so hard you could feel it in your throat.

"Why don't we use that pretty little mouth of yours on something else good, yeah? Instead of giving people an opening to pounce on you." His eyes scream anger and lust at the same time.

"What do you mean?" You asked clueless. "What do I mean? You really want to hear the exact words?" Soobin taunted. "I don't get what you are saying." You shook your head. "I'm telling you that you just made an opening to let Kai pounce on you. Are you that dense, that you don't even know he likes you?" You were shocked at what Soobin just revealed to you. You opened your mouth to answer only for him to cut you off.

"Or don't tell me you wanted it all along?" He scoffs. "Soobin don't talk like that --" "Don't talk like what, doll? Aren't you the one who told him we're over?"

That's it, those words pushed you over the edge, switching your bratty side once more. "Okay, so what? What if I wanted it all along?" Your voice raised once more. "Kai is a good guy, plus he knows how to take care of someone he likes." You pushed Soobin's chest away from you. Soobin scoffed again, brushing his tongue inside his cheek.

"And I can tell --"

"Backseat. Or else --"

"Or else what? Huh? Are you gonna order me around again? Raise your voice over me again?" You taunt.

"I said backseat, you brat." He fixed his gaze on you and held your wrist.

His words are firm and strong which makes the hair on your neck stand up. He unbuckled his seatbelt and shifted the gear to park, leaving the car idle and the headlights on. You have no choice. You crawled your way to the backseat. you squeezed yourself to fit and pass by the center console. Soobin followed quickly, making his way through the front and back doors. As soon as he settled in the backseat, he ruffled his hair to whisk away some water from the rain.

Your eyes waver as you avert your gaze from him. His hand squeezed both your cheeks, "My patience is running low from your actions, doll. You're making it worse."

Soobin pulled you on his lap. You were almost covering him with how big his jacket you were wearing. His surname is written in big fonts.

He hiked up your skirt only to find out you had nothing underneath other than thin panties. Soobin scoffs, "Don't tell me you were gonna ride Kai's car with just this?" You bit your lip as you placed your hands on his shoulder when he started to rub you with your panties still on.

Soobin clearly knows how to make your knees weak. With just a simple touch and you're back to square one from being a brat. He pulled your panties off slowly without breaking the eye contact. His brows are still furrowed and you can still feel his anger.

"Let's see if you'd still want to ride his car after getting out of mine." He clicked his tongue and licked his finger, pushing two at the same time. Your mouth hung open as you squirm. "S-soob..." You can't talk straight, no, you don't wanna talk actually, but he has his ways to make you open your mouth. "How is it? Still wanna ride his car?" A sly smirk tugging on his lips. In which you replied with just a shake of your head.

"I'm close..." You whispered, biting your lips, watching how his fingers disappears and appears in your cunt. You shudder with the sensation, your high coming to you. But Soobin pulled his fingers out. You whined, hiding your face on his neck as you grind yourself above him.

Soobin's too focused on making you say the word sorry for the said issue. He did not even expect you'll act bratty once again after just apologizing for what happened yesterday.

He gripped your waist. "Stop moving or you'll not gonna cum for 1 week." Hearing this, you whine once more. You can't stand that punishment at least. But instead of getting the words out of your mouth, Soobin wasn't prepared for your action of apology.

You unzip his pants and slowly stroke him. Your face is still hidden in the crook of his neck. Planting soft kisses on his shoulder blade to his neck.

"Doll." His voice is warning yet you didn't budge, with only a small "please let me" coming out of your mouth.

His hand rubbed your back up and down, slipping them inside your top. Your skin is burning to his palm.

"What's with you, huh?" He asked, but he clearly knows you'd rather act like his little slut than let the five-letter word out of your pretty mouth.

You pulled back, squeezing your body once again on the small space between his legs. "Fuck-- just stop giving him signs -- ohh shit!" Soobin clearly shows his frustration at how he grips on the door. You gave him a few kitten licks and swirled your tongue on the tip of his cock making him jolt.

He looks down at you, meeting your eyes, "Fuck, is the word too much for you to say?" You took him whole the moment he spit those words making him thrust up a bit and lean back his head on the headrest.

"Ahh!" His breathy moans filled the car, making the glass foggy despite the rain and cold atmosphere outside. His hands tangled in your hair as you bobbed your head slowly.

You whimpered at how his cock pulsated on your tongue and how his tip kissed your throat. He gently caresses your cheeks as he holds them. You automatically leaned on his hand as you let him fuck your mouth.

His eyes were tightly closed. Lower lip trapped between his teeth. One hand on your cheek to hold you and the other firmly gripping the door to keep himself grounded.

"Baby fuck!" With one last thrust, he's cumming in your mouth. Draining himself on your wet and hot lips.

His heavy pants were the only thing that could be heard inside the car. Not until you hear a knock on the window. You quickly scrambled up your way to the seat as you sat properly, Soobin shoving his shirt down to cover his exposed length.

He opened the window slowly. "Is everything fine? You're hazard is switched on." A police officer said with an umbrella in hand, roaming his eyes inside the car. He even added that he was just passing by and noticed the car had switched on the hazard.

"I'm sure I didn't put the car on hazard though., must be when I got out.." Soobin mumbles, "But everything is fine, we just need to talk something out."

"Take care then, it's pouring hard." The officer apologized before going back to his car.

You looked at Soobin, fear evident on your face. You were doing things in a semi-public place but here you are, totally scared of getting caught. Soobin chuckled at you.

"Can you turn off the hazard light?" He appealed. You propped yourself on top of the center console to reach for the hazard button. But seems like some other button is getting pressed instead, as your hands retreat back to cover your mouth.

Soobin's tongue is licking your exposed cunt. Eating you out while you're still on the center console.

"S-soob, wait.." you tried your best to appeal to him but he did not budge. He continued shoving his tongue inside you. He then gently pulled you back to his lap, slowly sinking you down on his cock.

One of his hands lightly squeezes your neck, the other one pulling one of your hands back. He stopped you from covering your mouth as he continuously thrusts upward.

"Tight.. so tight..." He mumbles at your nape. "Pussy so good for me."

"M-more please." You quietly pleaded as you tried moving your hips. "Someone's eager to be filled." He commented back. "W-wanna be full of you, Soobin." You're feeling lightheaded at how he's squeezing your neck. He can't help but leave hickeys on your shoulder as he thrusts harder.

"I'm gonna get you pregnant at this point," he huffed. "D-don't care, w-want you," your words are slurred as you lean back on his chest.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" No other words just curses, was coming out of his mouth as he felt his cum being released.

You were totally breathless, your body slumped on him, his cock still twitching and pulsating inside your cunt. Soobin is totally worn out, dipping his head down on your shoulder.

"Let's stay like this for five minutes then we'll go home." He mumbled.

@binniesbooks 2024

[bbina]

alone together ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 . . . keychain

── taking comfort in the thought that you are together in aloneness through late night talks, heartfelt confessions, and a genuine connection. with your shared experience of recent heartbreaks, you wonder if getting together would be all worth it. in which you find solace in each other's company, that you are alone together.

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꩜ notes .ᐟ this shit TOOK SO LONG. fuck. its like a mix of little imagines into one sooo that means word count is a whooping 5.5k.. enjoy the crumbs! p.s i rawdogged this so like not proofread. im tired i want to move forward !! lmfao

꩜ taglist .ᐟ @onlywonb @rosesfortaro @starwonb1n @wonychu @totheseok @dolloie @hyunjinsnumberonefun @binluvsu @onlyhyunjin @annswwa @wonbinsvlle @hakkkuu @ilovejungwonandhaechan @artstaeh @lecheugo @odxrilove @bunni @saranghoeforanton @nujeskz @nakam00t @kyusqult @nctsshoes2 @revehosh @s9nwoo @daegale @palchokitty @dutifullyannoyingfox @oshakyao @koryutte @b-riize @meowbini @peterm4rker @winuvs @i03jae @rsatoru @enhacolor @dalliesque @sweetiejaeyun @dearestjake @cupidslovearrows @sasfransisco @kkumistars @sngj08 @taroddori @nshmurarki @ennycutie @sa3ha @koeuh @astro-doll-the-star @amouriu

wonbin and the rest were already at coex. they were by the entrance of the mall, waiting for your arrival. wonbin fishes his phone out of his pocket and clicks on your contact before clicking on your location that you've shared with him to check where you were at. his eyes follow the little icon that's moving closer to where they were at, ensuring your safety and estimating the time of your arrival in his head which could be at any moment now

seunghan, who was watching wonbin couldn't help but feel a smirk creeping up his face. he watches the way wonbin was looking intently at his phone like he was monitoring something or someone being you

"what are you doing, wonbin hyung?" seunghan chirps, trying to take a peek at his phone by wrapping his arm around wonbin's shoulders, scaring the shit out of him in the process.

wonbin jolts and exclaims a loud "fuck!"

"don't do that! you fucking scared me!" wonbin scolds seunghan, raising his hand up at him but the boy was too busy laughing to even notice

"yes hit him for me. he deserves it" you clap your hands together, making your presence known to the group

all seven heads perk up at the sound of your voice

there was a few second of silence before seunghan runs up to you and gives you a hug

"y/n! you made it!" seunghan exclaims, crushing you into a hug. you playfully swat his arms away, muttering a quick "gross" before laughing

"obviously i made it. you basically forced me to go" you grumble, finally wrapping an arm around seunghan

anton and sohee both share a look at the implication of what you just said. they're too afraid to look up because they can feel wonbin's cold stare boring holes at the sides of their heads

"hey y/n" sungchan smiles

"sup" eunseok tips his chin up

"hi y/n!" shotaro wave

you shyly wave both of your hands at the three boys in front of you, greeting them one by one

"hey guys.. thanks for inviting me to hang out with you" you smile awkwardly. you're not too sure how to approach them knowing you and wonbin are probably the current topic of their group chat

eunseok suddenly snorts, throwing his thumb back at the two boys who were hiding

"it's all because of these two idiots behind us" he laughs, glancing behind him to see if sohee and anton were hiding themselves but the sight eunseok sees was wonbin seemingly scolding the two

"say sorry to her. got it?" wonbin eyes down sohee and anton who were both avoiding his cold gaze. anton was about to open his mouth to protest but wonbin holds a finger up and anton instantly clamps his mouth shut before taking a deep breath and nodding his head. sohee who was watching the whole thing smacks anton's back and mutters, "this is all your fault"

"oy wonbin what are you doing?" shotaro stifles in his laughter at the sight before him. wonbin then turns around to look at shotaro but instead, he sees you

the moment you make eye contact with wonbin his initial cold look on his face instantly disappears. he smiles and waves at you, acknowledging your presence

good. you arrived safely, wonbin thinks to himself

sohee and anton both elbow each other again, witnessing the sudden shift of wonbin's demeanour. wasn't he just glaring at them a second ago?

wonbin suddenly grabs both sohee and anton, pulling them up from the bench and drags them to where you were at

you suddenly feel some presence behind you. slowly, you turn around to see anton and sohee who were both looking down on the floor with wonbin right beside them

"hi?" you murmured, feeling a little awkward at the close proximity. the two boys don't say anything which just made everything more awkward. if you were to look at it from an outsider's point of view, it looked like they were gangsters ganging up on you

"what? cat got your tongues?" wonbin taunts, raising an eyebrow before grabbing both of anton and sohee's shoulders as he takes a good look at the two of them before smiling sweetly at you

"see y/n, my friends here have something to say" wonbin smiles, his hands reaching over to ruffle anton and sohee's hairs before pushing their heads down to a bowing position in front of you

"we're sorry for taking a picture of you with wonbin hyung!" the two boys apologized

the boys beside you all bursts out laughing. they even whip out their own phones and start recording anton and sohee. you feel the blood rush to your cheeks at their apologies. your hands shakily pat their heads, trying to make them look up from the ground

"oh my god! you didn't have to apologize for that!" you exclaimed, looking around if any bystanders were watching. thankfully there weren't many around the mall at the moment

"please get up. it's fine really" you plead at the two bowing boys. you then glare a little at wonbin who kept his hands on their heads as he basically forces them to keep bowing in front of you. wonbin pokes his tongue out at your reaction, still having fun at the situation that was clearly under his control

"keep them still, wonbin! i'm taking a picture for keeps" eunseok hollers, his camera shutters going off as he takes a hundred pictures of anton and sohee

"serves their nosy asses right!" shotaro laughs

"is seunghan next?" sungchan comments

"hey!" seunghan reacts, elbowing sungchan

wonbin couldn't help but laugh at their reactions although he stops laughing almost immediately when he notices the frown on your face. with a big sigh, he pulls anton and sohee back and lets them go

anton and sohee look at each other before they turn to you

"we're really sorry. we just thought it was funny to tease wonbin hyung" anton murmurs the last part but wonbin heard it. wonbin clicks his tongue in annoyance and flicks anton's exposed nape

"not so funny now, is it?" wonbin hisses before letting them go. you smile apologetically at the two boys who were still looking at you in shame

"it's okay you guys. at least to me, i don't know about wonbin here" you gesture towards wonbin who just shrugs and walks over next to you

wonbin looks around and notes that everyone was now present. it's time to get this day over with

"since everyone is here, shall we head to the arcade?" wonbin proposes, throwing his arms behind his head as he eyes everyone around him

you all nod your heads and start walking to wherever the mall's arcade was located. wonbin sighs in relief at the cooperation. at first he thought that everyone would start complaining that they all took time out of their day just to play at an arcade

time to get this day over with

. . . ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

on the way to the arcade inside the mall, you've been chitchatting with seunghan and shotaro. they were both asking you questions about how you and wonbin got close over time

"hold on, so you met him by chance at the convenience store way before seunghan introduced the two of you?" shotaro asks, registering all the new information about you

you nod your head, "yeah. i was buying drinks and i saw him liquor in the aisle. i even posted him on my close friends not knowing he was seunghan's friend" you recall, internally cringing about what happened next after that moment

"she drunk called me after" wonbin invites himself to the conversation, snickering at the memory

seunghan bursts out laughing when it clicks. "oh my god! i remember that!"

you rolled your eyes as you continue walking, blocking the sound of seunghan and wonbin's laughter

"wait that's kinda cute.." shotaro muses, "it's giving red string of fate" he giggles

you make a face but shotaro doesn't see it. why did he have to put it that way? now that you think about it, it kinda was giving red string of fate

you first saw him at the liquor aisle, turns out he was seunghan's friend. you meet him again by chance at the same convenience store, this time you two had a deep conversation without getting each other's names, he finds out that you are seunghan's friend too and one thing comes after another and now you're here

the world is so small

suddenly a hand grabs your shoulder breaking your train of thought. you turn around to look at who grabbed your shoulder and it was wonbin

"we're here" he says, gesturing towards the bright colorful led lights of the arcade

"oh" you squeaked. totally unaware that you've all arrived. seunghan then wraps an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close to him

"too deep into thought?" he jokes, ruffling your hair

"fuck off hong!" you cursed, pushing his arm off of you as you hurry inside the arcade, away from his impending teasing

all the guys share a look of amusement before following you inside

it didn't take long for everyone to decide that you all would just be sharing one game card. it was for the better and you guys could pay bigger credits for the price of one

wonbin, being the head planner, was unanimously decided to be the one to hold the game card. not that he minded though. now you all were just wandering around the arcade trying to look for games that could break the ice (especially for anton and sohee)

"this place is huge.." you murmured, looking around in bewilderment. it's been a long time since you came at an arcade

"i feel like i could get lost here" sungchan chuckles

eunseok then suddenly spots a boxing machine not just far ahead and he immediately suggests that you all should play that first

"there's a boxing machine right there. we should play and see who's the strongest one of us all" eunseok proposes, doing a cool pose to show off his muscles. only to be immediately laughed at by the group

wonbin then glances at you. in case you had something else in mind. he was about to speak up on your behalf but you beat him to it

"sounds fun! let's go!" you chirp, eyes suddenly filled with excitement at the first game

eunseok holds his hand out for you to hi-five. "you're officially the coolest one in this group" he comments, "you shall be named as... crimson nova"

you laugh, giving him a hi-five. "thank you for the name. i will honor it and do my best to be the brightest red star" you play along, even bowing slightly to show your commitment

eunseok bursts out laughing at the way you just seamlessly played along with his antics despite not really knowing each other just yet

"i like this one!" he exclaims, pointing down towards you

"she's taken! she's my best friend first!" seunghan complains, grabbing your arm and yanking you next to him

"let's see about that!" eunseok takes it as a challenge

wonbin couldn't help but smile a little. you and his friends have barely started hanging out today but yet, it looks like you'll fit quite in with his friend group

you all finally get to the boxing machine and wonbin swipes the game card for it to come to life

"who's going up first?" wonbin asks, after swiping the game card at the card slot

"ladies first?" sungchan suggests catching you off guard

"me?" you point to yourself, looking around to see all eyes on you making you flustered. "... okay" you murmured, going up to the boxing machine

"you can do it!" shotaro encourages you

"just think of the ball as seunghan's face" eunseok advices, making seunghan scoff beside you

"i will!" you laugh, shaking your hand as you prepare to punch the red ball of the machine. you suck in a deep breath when the machine lowers the red ball for you to punch. you count up to three in your head before you punch the ball with all your might. the machine bursts into colorful lights as it dings to calculate your score. a whooping 911 is shown on the scoreboard surprising everyone, including yourself

"what the fuck!" sohee reacts, jumping around you, who's in shock? in awe? you're not too sure yourself

eunseok, shotaro and sungchan all burst out laughing while seunghan shudders at the sight of your score. you had all that innate strength in you all along?

"seunghan hynug, looks like you're dead meat!" anton cackles, unable to hide his entertainment

in amidst of all the chaos and goofing around, you and wonbin make eye contact. wonbin throws his thumbs up, silently congratulating you on your score. you wave your hand off as you smile. it wasn't that serious anyway

"i'll go next!" sungchan volunteers making everyone hyped, awaiting if sungchan could beat your score. wonbin wordlessly swipes the game card again to the card slot and in an instant, the machine comes back to life

the machine dings after sungchan punches the red ball. the machine plays some tunes before calculating his strength. 904 is displayed on the scoreboard. everyone gasps at this. sungchan was not able to beat your score

the guys are in chaos again. dangling over sungchan at the fact that a girl had more immense strength than him who's an avid gym rat. sungchan just laughs and ushers the next person to go next who was eunseok.

again, eunseok flexes his muscles, trying to be hot shit before he punches the machine. everyone bursts out laughing seeing his score which got calculated at 319. all his flexing down the drain but he doesn't let his score bother him. he even says that he just did that to make everyone laugh (sure he did..)

shotaro goes next after eunseok followed by seunghan, sohee, anton and finally wonbin. you all cheer for wonbin, as he was the main planner of the day

wonbin cracks his knuckles before he uses all his might to punch the red ball of the boxing machine. the ball bounces back at the impact with a loud "bang!" and per usual, the machine comes to life as it calculates the strength. wonbin suddenly hisses when he pulls back his arm. his knuckles got scratched from the impact of his punch against the material of the ball

your eyes widened at the sight. you watch as wonbin cradles his knuckles, continuously hissing at his scratch.

"shit" wonbin hisses, looking at his knuckles. you then all gather around wonbin, trying to make sure he was okay

"that's gotta hurt, dude" shotaro comments, inspecting wonbin's hand

you suddenly remembered that you had a little emergency kit inside your bag

"hold on, i think i have a band aid" you say, fishing out the small pouch inside your bag and grabbed a hello kitty bandaid that you had in there in case for any accidents. you just never know when you'll need a bandaid

you motioned wonbin to hold his hand out while you delicately placed the said hello kitty bandaid onto his wounded knuckle. the rest of the guys share questionable looks the way wonbin wordlessly followed suit with your command

"there" you say softly, patting his know bandaged knuckle. you find it so funny that the bandaid you had on you was pink and hello kitty. a drastic contrast to the dark outfit wonbin had on

"does wittle wonbin want a booboo kiss with that?" seunghan teases wonbin, making the guys laugh

you glare at seunghan before wonbin elbows him on the stomach

"shut it hong" you grumbled

seunghan lets out a dramatic groan, clutching his stomach where wonbin just elbowed him. "jeez. take a joke!" he whines

"so, what game next?" you ask everyone, changing the topic

eunseok looks around, his eyes landing on the basketball hoops just up ahead

"who's down for some basketball? he proposes, determined to bounce back from that not so embarrassing moment of having the lowest score in the group

everyone nods their heads. muttering to themselves that they're pumped for the next game as you all walk towards to where the basketball machines were at

"try to beat me in my own game, y/n!" eunseok jokingly challenges you after you won the whole punching game by a landslide. you let out a chuckle as you tell him that it was game on

you and wonbin trail behind the group. you take a glance at his bandaged knuckle that you treated when wonbin catches your gaze and laughs softly

"thanks for the bandaid" he says quietly

"of course. any time" you smile

"i'll take it easy this time. i won't show off anymore" he jokes, leaning a little closer to you. you playfully roll your eyes, "and why would you show off?" you raise an eyebrow at his statement, a small smirk tugging on your lips

before wonbin could answer, shotaro calls out both of your names, yelling at the two of you to hurry up so you all could start playing the next game

onto the next game

. . . ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

the guys have decided that you all would be divided into two groups through a fair game of rock paper scissors. you were grouped with sungchan, eunseok and anton while the other team consisted of wonbin, shotaro, seunghan and sohee

"one thing for sure is that we won't lose" seunghan pokes his tongue out as he taunts your team

eunseok scoffs, "excuse you. we have y/n with us. if she won the first game, then she'll definitely win this one too" he counters, feeling proud and confident that you were on their team

you let out a loud laugh at their competitive spirit. who knew wonbin's friends would be so funny to be around with

wonbin wastes no time swiping the game card on both basketball machines, bringing them to life and to start your little friendly competition

you all take turns in taking the ball and shooting it onto the hoop. trying to one up the other team. you couldn't help but burst out laughing at the way eunseok was taking this match so seriously

he was shooting like there was no tomorrow. the way he started acting like a coach out of no where was just the cherry on top

"c'mon guys! we're straying behind a little! sungchan! work on your form this is serious!" eunseok shouts, startling sungchan causing him to shoot the ball directly at the outline of the hoop, making it bounce back and hit eunseok on the head

anton was no help in this game. he was just recording everything. the way eunseok was so unfazed despite being hit on the head just made anton double over laughing, clutching his stomach from laughing so much

while you were laughing, you were also locked the fuck in. you were trying your best to help your team. you peered over to the machine next to yours and saw that the other team was just a point ahead. with the competitiveness kicking in, you attempt to sabotage the other team by smacking your hand against their ball right when they were about to shoot

seunghan gasps at your actions when his ball flies off. you menacingly laugh before shooting your shots like normal

"no fair! that's cheating!" seunghan complains but eunseok shushes him

"very good, crimson nova!" eunseok praises you, even patting your head before returning back to yell at sungchan for having terrible aim

while you were too busy looking at eunseok and sungchan, you didn't notice wonbin's hand. right when you were about to shoot your ball, his hand makes contact with your ball and swats it away. you snap your head towards the perpetrator to see wonbin laughing

"two can play this game" he taunts, wagging his index finger in front of your face

both machines ding that the time was almost over and now every shot is now equivalent to three points. that only made the group work harder than ever before so that meant you had one more chance to sabotage the other team to secure your own team's win

while sungchan, eunseok (and anton who was just filming everything) was doing all the work, you quietly moved closer towards the other team before you push them off their concentration with your hips, sabotaging them completely

"hey! watch her!" shotaro yells, watching the way you were leaning and using all your weight to push wonbin so he loses his balance

sohee, who hated losing decided to attempt to take matters into his own hands and sabotaged your team as well but it was no use. his team was already distracted by your sabotage and the fact that eunseok was singlehandedly taking the win for the team

as the timer ticks down to zero, eunseok undeniably takes the final and winning shot. ensuring your team's victory by a landslide. the two machines buzzes as it was game over. you couldn't help but erupt in cheers and hi-five everyone in your team

"our mvp! crimson nova!" eunseok declares, raising your arm as he shows you off to everyone. seunghan raises his arms in absolute defeat

"no fair! you guys cheated!" points a finger at your team

"can't hear sore losers bro" sungchan says in triumph, pumping his chest making everyone laugh

"i got it all in video" anton chirps, shoving his phone around everyone's faces to get their reactions

"you didn't even do shit for your team!" sohee smacks anton's phone away from his face

wonbin only rolls his eyes at your taunts, "next time i'll keep an eye out for those sneaky moves of yours" he grumbles

"i'd like to see you try" you laugh, poking your tongue out at wonbin who then laughs

"alright everyone! next game!" shotaro clasps his hands together, ushering everyone to find the next game you were to play

. . . ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

after playing some more games, everyone decided that you all should take a break and eat some snacks

there was a designated snack area inside the arcade so you all headed there to get your stomachs filled. everyone ordered under one bill and that bill shall be split within the group. in the end everyone ordered almost a bit of everything

now you all were seated, talking amongst yourselves while waiting for your orders. you sit in between wonbin and seunghan with sohee and anton in front of you

"y/n i'm curious, how did you meet seunghan hyung?" anton asks, leaning closer on the table

"hm.." you hummed, tapping a finger on your chin as you pretend to think about it deeply, knowing that it would offend seunghan that you forgot how you two met

"it was during orientation week when we were freshmen. right hanie?" you ask seunghan, nudging him. the latter responds by swatting your arm away

"is it beat seunghan day why do y'all keep hitting me today!" seunghan whines, pouting at the fact that this was the nth time today you've resorted into elbowing him

"everyday is beat seunghan day if you try" you jest, making sohee and anton laugh again

before seunghan could protest, your food has arrived courtesy to shotaro and sungchan for getting the orders from the counter. you all gasp at the array of food before passing down everyone's orders one by one

when you were passing down the food, you accidentally brushed hands against wonbin's. you looked up at him in an instant and what does he do? he subtly winks at you before passing down some of the food anton ordered to him

weird.. what was that about

"thank you for the meal!" you all chorus before diving in. it's been exhausing playing games back to back and this is all what you needed at the moment to replenish everyone's energy

. . . ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

after having a meal inside the arcade, you all decided it would be best to just roam around to let the meal digest. now you all were just aimlessly roaming around the spacious arcade

your eyes then see the row of claw machine games. your eyes instantly lit up and nudged wonbin that you want to head over there. he then announces to the group that if they were up for some claw machine games to which everyone responded with a loud "hell yeah!" and thus the group disperses to play their own things

there were a lot of different claw machines that offered a variety of prizes. there were plushies, keychains and even some food related prizes. there was just too many to choose from

starting off small, you opted to try the claw machine that had keychains as its prizes. you tap wonbin on his shoulder, telling him to hand you the game card so you could start playing but he shakes his head no and said that he wanted to watch you play. you initially wanted to tell him no but he grabs your hand and drags you to the claw machines anyway

wonbin swipes the card on the first claw machine, you nervously gulped and started maneuvering the stick to get the prizes below which was a bunch of four leaf clover keychains. since the machine only lasted for a minute, you just hoped for the best and tapped on the pink button to make the claw descend and grab the prize

unfortunately for you, you didn't win anything on your first try. with wonbin being the witness, he bursts into laughter at your failed attempt. you let out a grumble as you try to walk away in shame from the claw machine but wonbin stops you

"let me try" wonbin says gently, pulling you back to his side so you could watch him play this time around

not like you had any other choice anyway so you huffed and reluctantly stood beside him, watching him swipe the card again to bring the machine back to life once more

wonbin bites his lip as he locks in to get a keychain. you watch him in amusement at the way he was totally concentrating and determined to win a prize. in the end he actually does get a keychain. wonbin grins and grabs the keychain from the machine before showing it off to you

"here you go" wonbin hands you the four leaf clover keychain that he won

your eyes widened and you shake your hands no but wonbin waves you off and insists that you take it

"so that you'll have lady luck at your side at all times" he jokes, grabbing a hold of your purse and attaching the keychain onto the zipper. when it jingles, wonbin couldn't help but smile

"there. i placed it on your bag so i'm not taking no for an answer"

before you could react further, someone coughs behind the two of you. you both turn around to see that it was seunghan with a big sly smirk on his face

you meet his eyes and instantly his eyebrows are raised like he was giving you a certain look that basically screams that "we'll talk about this later" before walking away, leaving you and wonbin alone again

when seunghan leaves, there's an awkward pause between the two of you. you look down on your bag to see the keychain but somehow you find yourself looking at the way wonbin's hand still lingered on your bag's zipper. he was just staring at the keychain he just won you with a smile on his face

"thanks.. i guess" you say shyly, looking away

wonbin lets go of the keychain and tucks his hands in the pockets of his jeans. he shrugs, feeling shy all of a sudden too

"you're gonna be stuck with that" he jokes again, nudging your shoulder, his gaze soft as he watches the way your cheeks start to have a slight pink hue to them

"whatever" you playfully roll your eyes and push him away slightly, laughing a little. "c'mon let's regroup with the guys" you say, glancing back at wonbin who was looking right back at you. wonbin nods and leads you back to where his friends were at

even though he couldn't see your face but you couldn't help but smile when you hear the keychain dangle with every step you take. you definitely won't be forgetting about this any time soon (and him too)

. . . ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

the day finally comes to a close after spending the entire afternoon inside the arcade hanging out with wonbin and seunghan's friends. now everyone was at the entrance of the mall, about to part ways

"i had so much fun you guys! thank you for inviting me to hang out" you smile, waving at the seven boys

"no, thank YOU for hanging out with us. you're so cool i wish seunghan introduced you sooner to us" sungchan counters, his words genuine. he spoke for everyone in the group. they really did have fun hanging out with you today

"he wants to gatekeep me away from the world, i don't know" you shrug. everyone laughs at your joke especially when seunghan yells a "hey! that's not true"

after a while, everyone was slowly bidding their goodbyes. anton and sohee were the first ones to part ways, followed by eunseok and sungchan who said he still had something to attend to after. now you were left with seunghan, wonbin and shotaro

"do you want me to drop you home? it's getting late" seunghan asks you as you all wait at a bus stop. you shake your head no, knowing that seunghan lives on the opposite side of your place. it would take him two bus rides to get home on his own and you don't want to burden him

"she can come with shotaro and i. we live close to each other" wonbin says, looking between you and seunghan. shotaro hums, adding that seunghan doesn't have to worry since they were also with you

suddenly shotaro gets a phone call. he excuses himself to answer his phone

when shotaro was out of earshot, seunghan narrows his eyes. there's a mischievous glint evident in his eyes. he looks at you and wonbin menacingly. like he was trying to connect the dots

"she better come home in one piece, park!" seunghan playfully threatens wonbin. wonbin's eyes widened at his sly implication. wonbin tries to laugh it off but it comes off as awkward

"shut up seunghan, stop making it weird. we told you, we're just friends" you roll your eyes, clicking your tongue in annoyance. why can't he get the hint that you and wonbin were just friends

seunghan hums, "fine. whatever you two say~" he says in a sing song voice

"shit bro, i have to head back to campus. my partner in our paper says that she needs some help. she says it's urgent" shotaro comes back to the conversation

you never wanted to smack seunghan again with the shit eating grin that was plastered on his face. i'll never hear the end of this. you think to yourself

shotaro leaves shortly after. telling wonbin to be safe on the way home before bidding you and seunghan goodbye. now it was only you, wonbin and seunghan left at the bus station

"i'll take this my cue to leave. i still have to ride the train station" seunghan says, raising his hand. he was enjoying this and it was so obvious, "you two better be safe on the way home!" he chirps, getting on the bus leaving you and wonbin alone

you watch as seunghan takes a seat by the window so he can still see you and wonbin before the bus drives away. he makes kissy faces and makes a heart sign with his hands before the bus starts to make its way out of the bus lane. before seunghan was out of your sight, you don't forget to flip him off, making him laugh before he completely disappears as the bus drives away

"so, what now?" you hear wonbin ask beside you, "wanna take a taxi or the bus?"

you plop down on the bench, stretching your legs after an exhausting day playing games all afternoon

"neither. whichever takes me home first" you say, yawning making wonbin laugh

"someone's tired" he muses, sitting down next to you

"who wouldn't be after today?" you raise an eyebrow, grabbing your phone out of your purse to look at all the photos you took today

wonbin looks up at the night sky, "well, i had fun today" he says. he then steals a glance at you, who was now leaning onto the pole. you must be exhausted from playing around with his friends all day. wonbin smiles to himself, he didn't expect this hangout to be such a success. you managed to seamlessly get along with his friends without much effort. he honestly thought this day would turn out to be a disaster

"let's go home bin" you murmur. the longer you stay, the more sleepy you get. you still have a lot to do when you get home

wonbin pushes himself off the bench and extends his hand for you to take

"let's go home" he smiles softly

what a day has it been

[disruptivevoib]

Long Ramble about CCCC and my overall feelings on what the album means and such

Something I find important about CCCC is like.

The fact that all three of them are, in some way, trying.

Heart is emotion, he is prone to himself and being reactionary, in the moment. Prone to the past of learned behavior and trauma. Reactive and rapidly changing. He isn't going to make pure sense because he isn't based in logic or in societal ideals or views. He is an instinctual response to the environment and circumstances. His manipulation is not intentional. He has very little control of himself in the end. Its why Mind talks about claiming to relish entropy yet clearly needing help. But, Heart in earnest wants them to be okay and safe. He believes that Mind's control will drain the life from them. It will make things monotonous and the same. Too much order.

Mind in turn, believes Heart is manipulative with intention. He wants to control Soul or wants to just drag them all down with him into this depressive state. Mind is logic, he is the reasoning out of your emotional instinct. Your inner critique, and when unchecked, that inner critique goes from a guiding hand for your emotion to one that debates and bullies it. Invalidating its responses. Ultimately, though. Mind just believes he is helping. He is doing what must be done and telling the "hard truths" to Heart. And that Heart is being the petty child. Which- I mean. Sort of sure. But Mind is definitely fucking petty and childish. He's stubborn! Prideful! So ofc he is. Admitting you're wrong? No.. why would he EVER do that.. nuh uh.

Which is what makes Light so crucial. Mind asking Heart for help- but also. There is Soul.

Who while ambiguous in purpose, is mostly that background voice. Your inner narration. If Mind is Logic and Reason then Heart is Emotion and Instinct,, Soul is all that lives between it. And he is constantly silenced or spoken over or around. He does not get a word in edgewise until TSE. He may show up in the background occasionally but as much as Heart and Mind claim to want to keep him alive and help him, they also fail to actually acknowledge what he says.

Which is that they both are right and wrong. That this fighting is doing directly what they both feared it would. Soul is desperate by the end. He is angry and resentful because.. well. Self hatred due to intense self awareness and reflection is rather ig. Common. Im not a professional here but from personal experience, you get so tired of rehashing the same shit with yourself over and over. It all feels pointless.

The only out, by the end of it all to Soul is that if they cannot be Whole, whats the point? He is desperate. He does not want to die but he feels theres no other solution.

And. About Whole, Soul throughout the album seems to want that. At the beginning, to be Whole or Harmonious is to be mentally healthy, maybe even "normal" by society's standards. To be able to put a mask over your problems and be, again, "normal". It takes the entire album for Soul to realize that this:

1. isnt possible

And

2. There isn't anything evil or wrong with him for that.

Mental health is a struggle. But you are not evil and should not be othered because you struggle. You also do not need to be fixed for being a little different and people's opinion of you is not what matters most so long as you are happy (and not hurting others. Lol).

Thats what Two Wuv is entirely about as a song. Its a "fuck you. Fuck this! I thought I needed to be this! But I DON'T. Stop telling me who I am! How to be! I'm gonna be me!"

His entire arc is parallel to Heart and Mind's and is crucial in the culmination of becoming yourself again and accepting yourself.

But, as mental health will always be, this period of respite and self acceptance is not always forever. And as life continues or as you lapse back into a depressive episode.. you cannot help but forget what it is like when you're not this way- and hell! Vice versa too! Some people have this disconnect between the periods. Where the things from the depressive state seem dramatic or obtuse to you while you are doing better. And from the other end, you just want to be happy again.. but you get so lost in it all you can struggle to feel like you've ever been happy.

The album is about the human experience. It is about self-sabotage, mental illness, self-hatred and reflection and it is, maybe more importantly about self-acceptance and healing. Having a bit of mercy on yourself. Accepting that you are imperfect and that this is okay. And whatever flaws you may have that need to be mended or worked on, can be. And that who you are, for example, if you are queer, is okay. And no one has the right to take that identity from you! That the internalized ideas of how someone should be are not always correct or right. Not for you, at least. Stuff like that.

[prettynice8]

My Bodyguard Part 1

Jeon Jungkook x male reader, haters to lovers?

This wonderful man

Stuff: fluff, angst, this whole thing is just a buildup to Part 2.

Word Count: 1,501

Notes: I was inspired by ai. Fun fact, Jungkook is by bias so that's fun.

Fucking great, Jungkook has to guard another prissy little girl who has never faced any kind of troubles in her entire life. Some rich bitch who doesn't even need a bodyguard and yet here he is, practically wasting his time.

This wasn't his first rodeo, though he was at the young age of 26, he's seen a lot of shit. A lot of annoying, prissy, useless, and rage inducing girls who always try to have their way with him. He's never given in though, not very hard to do when they're all, well, girls.

Jungkook nearly dreaded when your father finally led him to your room. He desperately wanted to leave and quit this job forever, but it would be a waste of all the training he has had to endure over the years, so he stayed his ground, expecting the worst.

As the door opened, Jungkook was greeted by an enormous room full of personality. The walls were covered in various posters, stuffed animals and dolls littered the room. It was a little different than the rooms he'd been in before, but that doesn't mean anything. You're probably just as spoiled as all the other girls he's had to guard.

"She's just another spoiled rich girl." He whispered under his breath.

"Well for starters, she's a he." You stated, Jungkook was incredibly surprised, he did not expect you to actually hear him, most of the others don't give a shit about what he has to say.

"O-oh dear I'm so sorry." He apologized, trying to cover up his mistake. He looked at you, and you were in fact a boy, a pretty cute one at that.

Your father was long gone by now, leaving just you and Jungkook to awkwardly talk.

"So, what's your name?" He asked, trying to be friendly.

"You're supposed to be my bodyguard and you don't even know my name." You said, sass apparent in your voice. "Well, I feel like I'm in safe care."

He completely forgot what your name was, the person whose life is technically supposed to be in his hands, and he was so caught up in dreading seeing you that he didn't take the time to see what your name even was. Fuck did he hate this job.

"It's y/n." You stated coldly, already questioning this man's competence. "And yours?"

"My what?" He questioned back.

"Your name dip shit." You answered, not having it right now.

Jungkook was taken back, people never ask what his name is, though you could've been a little nicer about it.

"It's Jungkook, Jeon Jungkook." He replied, a smile making its way on his face.

"You also didn't even know my gender, god you suck at this." You stated flatly, not impressed by whatsoever.

His smile was crushed, your words feeling like poison each time you talk.

"You really are like all the other rich bitches I've had to deal with." Jungkook complained, growing tired of your behavior.

"You don't even know me." You exclaimed, growing equally tired of him.

"I know enough." He stated coldly before leaving your room, leaving you to stare daggers at the door.

That was your guy's impression of each other, minor disdain. He hated how you seemed like every other shit head he's had to deal with, and you hated him because he just assumes shit about you, he also kind of sucks at his job, where did your dad even find this guy.

Though you both kind of hated each other, he had to be around you. All. The. Time. No matter where you were, eating, in the bathroom, even sleeping, he was right there or just right outside the door. You both haven't said a word to each other since your first meeting, and you both hope to keep it that way.

"Why do you hate me?" You asked flatly while eating your dinner, finally breaking the weeks-long silence between the two of you. Also no one else was there so this seemed like the best moment.

"Why does it matter to you?" He questioned right back, hoping to prolong the silence.

"Because I don't want the person who's supposed to save my life to dislike me, but more importantly I feel like you have no reason to dislike me the way you do." You responded, arms crossed over your chest.

"No reason! I have every reason to hate you! The moment I got here you greeted me with disrespect! Your so fucking stand offish and it's clear that you have no idea what the real world is like, able to be in your fucking mansion and eat your fucking food while I'm in a job that I hate, having to be around clueless people I hate, like you!" He shouted at you, every word hitting like a bullet.

You just stood there in silence watching each other, tears daring to come out of your eyes. He stares at you heavily breathing, too angry to realize your sad state.

"You don't know anything about me." Was all you said before the tears fell down your face like a waterfall. You stormed out of the dining hall and into your room, leaving Jungkook standing there alone, feeling like an idiot, which he was.

He finally got the courage to walk up to your room. Knocking on the door to see if you're okay. Hearing nothing but your sobs, he took the liberty of opening the door. He was greeted with the sight of you sitting on your bed, curled up and crying into your legs.

"Go away, it's not like you actually care about me." You ordered, not wanting to see the face of the man that made you an emotional wreck.

Jungkook just stood there, so he just sat next to you and awkwardly patted your back.

"I-i'm sorry I said those things, it wasn't fair, I really don't know anything about you, except that you're pretty when you cry." He said with that charming smile, causing you to laugh.

"I'm always pretty." You replied, wiping the tears from your face.

"Can't argue with that." He said, causing you to laugh more.

Since that interaction, things between the two of you have been lovely. There was no ill will anymore and you might even say the two of you were friends.

"Why do you always just stand there and watch me eat, sit down, there's plenty." You ordered, Jungkook was taken back by this act of kindness, though it wasn't a big deal, it surely felt like it was. He took the seat right next to you and started to dig in.

"When do you eat anyways?" You asked.

"When you go to your room, or when there's off time." He answered.

"Well, you're always welcome to eat here with me." You stated. "Do you have any hobbies; it seems like you're always just around me?" You asked another question. Finally wondering what he does when not around you.

"Mostly work out." He answered quickly, enamored by the taste of the food.

"I can see that." You said, but then suddenly stunned with your own words. Jungkook almost chokes on his food, also surprised by your flattery.

"I-i mean y-you're like objectively built." You stuttered, digging your own grave deeper and deeper. He starts laughing at your nervousness.

"Thank you. I try." He said, the rest of the dinner goes smoothly, though your words still hang in the air.

Once you both finish the meal, you two walk to your room, talking along the way.

"Wanna come in?" You offered when you got to the door of your bedroom.

"I'd love to." He eagerly answered, a little too eager.

You both take a seat on your large bed. You lay on the pillows while Jungkook awkwardly sits on the edge. He looks around the room, never actually getting a very detailed look. It's incredibly big, almost the size of an apartment. There's even a balcony that leads to a gorgeous view of the ocean, looking especially incredible because of the sunset.

He gets up to get a closer look at it, making his way to the balcony. You realize this and get up to chase after him.

"Pretty great huh?" You ask rhetorically, already knowing the answer. He just nods in agreement, totally dumbfounded by the amazing view. The way the water reflects all of the colors makes it all the more vibrant. The pinks, reds, oranges, and yellows mix together beautifully. This has to be the most wonderful sight of his life, almost magical. Though he's pulled away by the sight of you.

Your equal fascination with the view that you've had to have seen so many times before is enchanting. The way your face lights up and how your hair is carried in the wind is to the sunset like the Mona Lisa to a child's macaroni art. Finally, he realizes that all other beauty in the world is utterly and totally dwarfed by yours.

wait for part 2.

[payasita]

Good job getting ADHD medication! I’m so proud of you :D

thanks so so much im very happy and so hopeful for the first time maybe ever but also it TOOK ME LIKE. A YEAR. A YEAR.

like yall for real?? for real. for real i have been diagnosed since i was like six. (funny story my teacher thought i was on the spectrum so my parents get me tested with the nodes and shit and according to mom, who loves this story, my neurologist did all that and talked to me and then just turned to my mom and went "she's not autistic. she just hates the other kids" but they DID find an adhd diagnosis in there so net win for all of us)

diagnosed since i was SIX. on stimulants until i turned 8, and you know why i got off em? my pediatrician retired. we could not find another who would take our low-income insurance. so i just had to rawdog The Rest Of My Fucking Life. diagnosed when i was six. legally neurodivergent for 20 slutty slutty angry years.

and it still took me like. a few months to get a psych appointment. a few weeks to reaffirm my diagnosis as an adult. a few more weeks for another appointment for meds. he doesnt Want to do meds first, because i must have been doing fine without them if its been two decades, right? i got a job and a car and everything. well gee fuckin shittickers Dr. Brain Guy, just WHAT was my alternative? would you prefer i be maladapted to the point of incapacitation; is that what it takes for someone to be considered? i cheated my way through school. every day after work i sit for an hour in my car because i dont have the executive function to stand up and walk the ten steps to my house. garbage just appears around me. i have three empty bags of hot chip and two cans of sprite on my desk as we speak, neither from today. at that point i hadnt had a debit card for six months because that would have required me to Drive To The Bank, a location that was new to me in this area, so i just did everything on credit. is this all normal? is this fine? am i GOOD, actually, Dr. WeirdBrain?

so we cordially agree that yes i should probably be medicated. i want to do a stimulant. he does not want to put me on a stimulant. "stimulants can mess with your heart," he says, "and you're young, you don't want heart problems." i say ok because i dont want to make him think im just looking for narcotics. even though i am. because they WORK. i agree to try some kind of antidepressant.

the antidepressant gives me tachycardia. i go to the emergency room after reading a heartbeat of, oh, 140 bpm, which is about like double what it normally is and juuuust below the You Are Having A Heart Attack threshold. i get to the ER and the doctor there is very obviously convinced i'm a local addict having some sort of episode. it is the most ironic experience i've had all year and i feel an abrupt and all consuming kinship with those birds in australia that will swoop you and peck at your face for seemingly no good reason.

so yeah, we narrow it down to the antidepressant. as it turns out, these particular meds are known to, semi-commonly, Mess With Your Heart. i have my next appointment with my psych and somehow refrain from pecking his eyes out. he puts me on a noreprinephrine inhibitor(iirc) that isnt actually FDA approved to treat ADHD specifically(i DEFINITELY rc) but it IS given to smokers to help them quit. i dont smoke. i may very well fucking start before this whole ordeal is at the point where someone listens to me

it obviously does a combined total of jack and shit, and the man waffles with this one because he has "had success" using it as treatment for other ADHD patients. he ups the dose. twice. three months on the smoker meds, which are also apparently notorious for destroying your appetite, but they didnt even do THAT. no change to the average amount of hot chip on my desk.

he wants to try quelbree after that. i finally tell him i'm tired of this shit and would like to have more than two hours of usable daylight to function before it all falls to uncontrollable youtube shorts binges and a daily experience i like to call The Weighted Nothings and i would very much like to PLEASE. TRY A STIMULANT.

he's been friendly enough with me over these past four or five or whatever months but at this he gets suddenly very very business-baseline. gives me the whole spiel about the north american shortage. gives me a spiel about how i absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, lose or sell this medication, because they will not refill it if i do. i am sitting here wondering if he he's telling the truth about having other ADHD patients at all like ever in his career, and also, am i nuts or should the "don't sell your prescription drugs" bit apply to EVERYTHING? i dont fuckin know man i just live here

he says he wants a urine test first. its scheduled for two weeks out. i take it.

"hey uh, your piss came back with cannabis in it" "well it'd be weirder if it didn't, we are in california and i am a kitchen manager" "you can't have weed if you want adderall" "fine i'll stop" "we'll schedule you another test in a month" "aight bet" it didnt go exactly like that but this is kind of what the vibe between us has devolved into by this point.

anyway i wait a month and get a good grade in piss. i get the meds prescribed. i go to fill out the prescription

all i really need to say to you are the words "prior authorization error" for most of you to get what happened next.

the psych isnt even aware. i wait another month for our next meeting, which was yesterday. i do not yell at him. he tells me to take it up with the pharmacy, and yell at them. i am going to yell at them.

so i go, and guess what, it actually went through a while ago! NO ONE TOLD ME OR DR. FEEL-BAD OVER HERE. but we can't fill it right now because its a controlled substance so come back in a few hours. hey it's ready where the hell are you? TAKE YOUR METH AND GET OUT

anyway i started it today, reorganized my pantry, and fixed the fire alarm in my hallway that's been chirping at me for a week. i no longer have to wear earplugs to bed.

and with my newfound executive function superpowers, i will be spraying my weed-free piss all over Reagan's grave.

[seung-mong]

shoot to kill - bangchan

includes: ex (?) bf! chan x fem reader, ANGST idk im in the mood to break hearts ig, fluff at the end, soft smut, mostly chan reassuring and praising reader

"alright fuck, then maybe we should just take a break."

the words leave chan before he can really think about it, hanging in the air like a knife that's been thrown and stops midair, your gaze ice cold and freezing it in it's track.

"really. thats your solution? a fucking break?" you scoff, your (chan's) shirt that usually hangs loosely suddenly suffocating you, wrapping you in a snake-like grip and making your head feel like you're going to explode.

"yea, i just dont think us being together is good for us anymore."

chan has a bad habit. he says shit he doesnt mean, blames the anger that builds in his chest and spits out words he knows will hurt. because thats what he wants to do. he knows its wrong, fucked even. the way he wants you to hurt the way he hurts.

"christopher."

its a plea. take it back, please. you stand there in front of him, defenseless. the way his full name falls off your tongue sounds wrong. it's devoid of all the emotions you'd usually call him with. where's the gentleness, the softness you usually regard him with?

"maybe we just.. need to stay away from each other right now." chan's voice is steady, betraying the way his insides seem to shake, he's not sure if he's shivering from the cold, or the way your eyes seem to look at him as if you're seeing him for the first time.

"you can't be serious." it hurts to speak, your words squeezing out of you as you struggle to breathe, tears freely flowing.

he should turn this around. surrender. no, he isn't serious. he's so stupid and he loves you and he's just so hurt by what you said a while ago and he's tired and- "i'll sleep at changbin's tonight."

your chest hurts, physically feels like its being ripped apart as you stare at your lover with empty eyes. "thats your solution? to run away? over such a stupid-"

"stupid?" chan laughs hollowly, running a hand through his hair, feeling all the anger rise in him again. "it isn't stupid, y/n. you're the one who keeps running away. you're the one who keeps pushing away this conversation every single time i bring it up." he's raising his voice now, can see how tense his body is from the reflection on the glass window.

"you're asking me to pick up my whole life and move to seoul with you. this isn't some silly request like asking me to pick where to eat for dinner, it's my whole fucking life, chris!" you raise yours in response, taking a step closer to him.

"that's what i did for you! i dont understand it, y/n. i moved to chicago. for you. picked up my whole fucking life and moved because i loved you. so why can't you fucking do that for me? this is my work, y/n." he takes a step, towering over you.

"no, don't twist it like that. we made plans, chan. we talked about it for months. it wasn't some spontaneous decision. we both wanted this-"

"well maybe i dont want this anymore."

oh.

...

"you don't mean that."

...

"channie? please. you don't mean that." your voice is breaks, shaky as you step away from him, clutching at your chest.

he can feel guilt eat at his stomach as he watches you, whole body shaking as sobs rack through your frame. he needs to apologize, he knows it. but you've hurt him too.

"i just... i need a break, y/n."

you sink into the couch behind you, shaking your head when chan hesitantly approaches you, kneeling on the floor in front of you. he places a hand on your knee, and his chest tightens when you flinch away from him.

"love-"

"don't." you spit the word out, refusing to even look at him.

"love, please-"

"a break's what you want? you fucking have it. tell changbin to expect you." you push his arm away when he makes a move to reach for you. you unfurl yourself from the couch, stepping aside from the man who holds your heart, ignoring his calls of your name as you walk into your shared bedroom, slamming the door shut behind you.

sleep comes quickly when you cry yourself to sleep, curled into a ball in your bed, heart empty as the overwhelming scent of chan sticks to his pillows. you faintly hear the soft click of the front door, and then complete silence.

it's hard to remember how you fell asleep, almost as if there was a smooth transition from sobbing heavily into your pillow and breathing into a deep sleep. your head is pounding when your eyes open, puffy and sore from your tears. your throat is dry, stomach aching, and heart heavy.

there's a chance chan will never sleep beside you again.

you push aside the bitter feeling, letting out a painful groan when you stretch your limbs, swinging your feet off your bed. the floor is cold, and you have to tiptoe to the bathroom to freshen up.

you look as horrible as you feel. you try not to spend too much time looking at yourself.

the thought of spending your whole day alone in your big apartment makes you uneasy, part of you wishing you could stay cooped up in your room forever. but you know deep down that's not what's truly bothering you, not when the uncertainty eats at you from the inside.

how is he?

is he thinking about you?

why hasn't he messaged you?

...... is it really the end?

you walk to the door, taking a deep breath as tears brim just below your waterline, promising to be productive today, and not to wallow in self pity all day. your scream leaves you before you can register what exactly is sitting by front of your door, large frame leaning against the door toppling over in his sleep.

"what the hell!" you scream, heart suddenly beating too fast at your liking as you finally take the scene in.

"baby?" chan's voice is croaky, as if his throat had been scratched raw. he's still wearing the clothes from last night, shoulder leaning against the doorframe before you swung the door open, causing him to lose balance.

"what the fuck are you doing here?" you sigh, guilt tugging at your heart when chan stands up, groaning and rubbing at his back.

"i- i didn't...."

you stare at him in silence, unable to control the way your brows furrow in anger. he stares back at you, lips suddenly going dry when he sees the way that you look at him, as if he was a bother.

"i thought you went to bin's." you push past him, heading straight to the kitchen as if you had no worry in the world, pretending to busy yourself with dishes despite there not being a single dish in the sink.

"i..... i couldn't leave you." his voice cracks as he takes another step toward you. you turn your back to him, denying him of your attention as you pretend to busy yourself with breakfast, pulling open drawers and taking out pots.

"wow. that's rich." your voice is laced with pure venom when you bite back, sinking deep into chan's heart as he shuffles awkwardly to stand by the kitchen counter.

"you locked the door."

you only hum in response.

"i.... i tried to go in, thought i'd apologize to you but.... it was locked."

"yea. you don't really expect anyone to go in your room when you're on a break."

the silence is heavy on your shoulders, but you know if you say any more the tears will start pouring. you're too mad at chan to break down in front of him, pride and ego wrestling as you maintain your unbothered facade, working your way around him as if his presence meant nothing to you.

"i turned down the job offer last night."

you drop the spatula you were holding in your hand, letting it clank against the metal pot.

"you what?" you finally turn to face him, disbelief etched onto your face.

you finally soften when you see chris mere feet away from you, eyes red and puffy a sign that he had been crying too. his hair is a mess, and his clothes from last night look rumpled, as if he had been restless all night.

"i- you have to know, my love. i will always choose you, nothing else. i was stupid and-"

"christopher, i never said no." you feel irritation rise in you again, but you take another step closer to your lover. "i never said i didnt want to go. i needed time to think, chris. time. to process. and now you've turned down your dream job and i-"

"i know, i know." chris reaches out to you, letting out what you think is a breath of relief when you dont push him away as he wraps his fingers around your wrists. "but i.... this job, it's going to be demanding and i'm constantly going to have to move and.... look, chicago is your home." he raises a hand to cup your face, wiping away the stray tear that had slipped down your cheek.

"and seoul is yours." you argue back.

"no, you are."

you let out a sob at that, allowing yourself to fully melt into chan's warm embrace. he immediately scoops you into his arms, pressing your face into his chest as he kisses the top of your head repeatedly, patting your hair down.

"it doesnt matter what im doing or where i am, as long as you're there." chan starts to choke up, pulling your face away to properly look you in the eyes. "i dont know what the future holds for me, love. all i know is that i want you by my side. in ten, twenty, thirty years." he plants soft kisses all over your face as you sniffle.

"but i- i feel so bad. i dont want to stop you from doing what you want." you groan, but chan simply giggles lovingly at you.

"i dont want you to think that, i dont even think that. its just a job, y/n. its not even a job i really want. it pays well yea, but it's not something id drop everything for. especially not you." he wipes away the tears that are still falling, cooing at you when you hiccup.

"i love you, chan. i'm so sorry." you sob, pushing your face into his shirt.

"don't apologize. i should be the one saying sorry. i was such a dick last night, i-" he sighs, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. "you know i dont mean what i say, right?"

god he hopes you say yes, he prays to any god, even those he doesnt believe in that you know he never means those things. he doesnt think theres anything worse than the possibility that you could actually think he doesnt want you or a life with you.

"i- i know. but... still hurts when you say it." you sniif, wiping away your tears with the back of your hand.

chan pulls away to look down at you. "i know, my love. im sorry. i'll work on that, i promise. can't stand it when you're sad. i hate knowing im the one who hurts you." he leans down to kiss you, the salty taste of your tears making his chest hurt.

"let me love on you, yea? let me take care of you baby, please."

you nod, jumping up when chan taps at your thighs. he catches you, wrapping his hands around your thighs as he carries you to your bedroom. "need to feel you," you sigh when chan gently places you on the bed.

he stands in between your spread legs, quickly throwing off his hoodie and letting it fall to the floor, leaving him half naked. he leans down to hover over you, lips instantly finding yours in a messy, heated kiss. his hands find their way under your shirt, tips of his fingers grazing your underboob.

"wanna fuck you in my shirt." chan hums against your cheek, squeezing your sides when you squirm against him.

"wanna feel your skin on mine though, please baby?" you beg, holding onto chan's shoulders as he kisses down your chest. he hums in agreement, rolling his shirt off so it sits on top of your breast.

"i'll give you whatever you want, baby. just ask me. promise i'll give it to you, i'll take care of you." he presses soft kisses across your stomach and chest all the while, only pulling away to lift the fabric off you. chan eyes you hungrily, only dressed in your underwear.

"you're the most beautiful girl ive ever seen, my love. so perfect for me." he sighs, fingers tangling in your hair as he kisses you deeply.

"want your pants off, need to feel all of you." you whine, fingers already flying to undo his pants.

"such a good girl, using your voice. you know id do anything you asked." he hums, kicking everything off until he lays bare against you, cock already hard as it rubs against your thigh.

"enough with the teasing, channie. need you in me."

"there's no rush, baby." chan hums, fingers dipping down to see how wet you are, surprised to find you already soaking.

"huh. guess she was crying for me too, hmm?"

you lightly slap at his shoulder, fighting the scolding smile that threatens to paint your face. "just put it in already, please."

"hmm. since you asked so nicely." he kisses your cheek, lips still against your skin as he pushes in you, holding your legs as par apart as he can. your breath catches in your throat at the feeling of him stretching you, fingers digging onto his broad back as he settles deep within you.

"feel good?" he asks, pillowy lips trailing across your face.

"so deep- love you, channie." you babble, and chan can't help but giggle. he presses his bare chest against yours, feeling satisfied when every inch of his skin is met with your own. his hands find yours, interlocking them before he dips down to kiss you on the lips.

"lets go slow, kay baby? need to feel all of you. every inch." he coos, hips slowly pulling back before he sinks back in, keeping the same torturously slow pace.

you whin when it starts to get too much and yet not enough at the same time, heels digging into his lower back to push him in quicker everytime he pulls out. "please, channie. need it faster."

"greedy," chan tuts, rubbing his nose against your jawline. "but, what my love wants, she gets."

his pace starts to pick up, lewd sounds of skin against skin filling up the room aside from the occassional moan you let out. chan grunts against your ear, letting out deep sighs and high pitched whimpers everytime you clench around him or reach up to kiss at his neck.

"m close," you whine, throwing yoru arm around your lover's neck to pull him closer. he easily complies, keeping the same rhythm as you press yourself against him.

"wanna feel you cum, baby. wanna feel that pretty pussy clench around me." he groans, fingers finding your clit and rubbing tight circles on the bud.

you let out a silent scream when you cum, legs shaking against chan's waist as he fucks you through your high, letting out a breathy whimper when he feels how tight you've become.

"fuck! love you so much, channie." you sob.

that's what pushes him over the edge, shooting his load deep inside you as his hips stutter, groaning lowly with every thrust. he buries his face into the crook of your neck as you hold him, back sweaty from all the movement.

your breathing seems to sync as you both calm down, chan's hands rubbing up and down your sides as yours curl into his hair, holding him snuggly against you.

"i love you more than anything, y/n." chan suddenly breathes against your neck. he pulls away to look at you, and your breath catches in your throat when you see his eyes are brimming with tears.

"channie?" you pout, gently carressing his cheeks with your thumb. he leans into your touch, quickly kissing the palm of your hand before he nuzzles into it.

"don't wanna lose you. hurts so fucking much just thinking about it."

you're caught off guard by his sudden vulnerability, but you coo at him all the same. "you won't lose me, baby. we'll get through everything." you promise, heart squeezing when his tears start to fall.

"almost did. hate myself so much for hurting you." he sniffs, quickly wiping away his tears.

"baby, listen to me, okay?" you sigh. you try to sit up to look at him better, but chan whines, resting his head in between your chest and tightening his hold around your body. you giggle at him, hands quickly finding its way to his hair as you play with it. "you won't lose me. we just gotta... talk through everything, okay?"

"but i hurt you.... i dont think when i get mad. say things i dont mean."

"and you said you'd work on it. i trust you." he lifts his head up so he looks up at you, chin resting on your stomach.

"i love you. i hope you believe me when i say that. honestly, i dont think those three words can even begin to describe how i feel for you." he sighs, pinching at your side.

you giggle at him, thinking back to how he called you his home.

you push away the curls that cover his eyes, smiling down sweetly at him. "i know what you feel for me channie." you reassure him, pulling him up by the shoulders so he hovers directly above you.

"'s exactly what i feel for you, my beautiful boy." you coo, pulling him down for a kiss.

taglist: @abcdefgiwsmcty@n034sy@148-seungmin

[billluver0124]

"once more to see you.."

Narrators POV:

Imagine being who you are and being open about it. Having pride in who you've become when you entered this world and not living in fear. Sounds great right? I wonder what it's like too.

I hope you are brave enough to be who you are and love whoever the hell you want. Since I couldn't, being afraid made me lose the only person that could fill the empty void I had for so long. That void becomes bigger and bigger everyday. I'm losing hope for love.

It all started back in 2007...

"fuck.." he moaned out, the feeling of y/n grinding his neediness on Bill's lap was driving him nuts. He pulls y/n in, entrapping them in a wet passionate kiss. But this little make out was cut short with the sound of Bill's mother coming home.

"s-shit!" he muttered, pushing y/n to leave Bill's room through the windows, So his mom wouldn't see y/n. So no one would see him. So no one would see two boys making out; two boys in love.

This whole thing had been happening for months now, y/n and bill would meet up somewhere private and be themselves with each other, hold each other, kiss each other. But it all had to stay private because the world can't handle something like that. Two people of the same gender, being in love.

Especially not for Bill, he had a reputation to uphold. Being a musician has its pros, but with every pro comes double the cons. One wrong move and his entire career is over, it's like one long excruciating game of poker. But instead of gambling money, you're gambling your entire life. He's gotta play the cards right to stay in the game, if not, he could lose everything. But he's not gay...y/n and him are just friends...right?

The next day they met up again,what's so special about that? they do it every day, kiss, hug, make out? but this time was different, y/n just had to say what was on his mind today...the last time Bill would ever speak to y/n ever again.

"what is this?" he blurted out, holding it in was eating him alive. "what're you talking about?" asked Bill, his confused eyebrow making an appearance. "this..us..why are we still hiding?" y/n spoke, his eyes pleading for Bill to answer. "we're not hiding from anything..we're friends, just hanging out y'know?" y/n's stomach dropped to his ass. Just friends..? "friends don't do the things we do Bill.." "well we aren't together..I'm not gay y/n you know that." Hearing Bill say those words triggered tears in y/n's eyes. "so I don't mean anything to you..? at all?" Bill started to get annoyed now "what the hell are you even talking about?" "Bill, you told me you loved me..we've kissed, made out, we've cuddled..I even trusted you so much I let you touch my body bare..naked. That means nothing to you?"

"It's just something me and you do..it's a casual thing we do." Broken glass, the sound similar to y/n's own heart breaking by Bill's words. the sound of broken glass.

"why are you so afraid?" "what?" Bill was caught off guard by y/n's question. "why are you so afraid of this..of us?" he asked, "we could run away to a place where we don't have to hide anymore Bill..go on walks in the cities together..not having to hide anymore. I'm tired of hiding Bill." Bill started to become really annoyed, "dude I don't know how many times I have to tell you this, but I'm not gay, we aren't together and the things we do are just casual things..we aren't in love y/n." he said those words so carelessly, like it doesn't have an impact on y/n's feelings. y/n stood there trying so hard to keep the tears back. "my career and reputation is more important than this..than you."

then he just couldn't hold it back anymore. the tears just started falling. "if that hurts your feelings, then go." y/n didn't say anything back, he just turned around and went back home.

Bill didn't mean anything he said, but he just can't admit who he really is. He's afraid..

It had now been one week since the fight. Y/n hadn't showed up to school..matter of fact he hasn't shown up anywhere. Bill was becoming worried. After all, he still cared about y/n. After school, Bill walked to y/n's house. Hoping to see him again and fix everything, resolve everything. But that hope was cut short almost immediately. "y/n passed away a few nights ago.." Y/n's mother said. "w-what..?" Bill felt his whole world collapse, this cant be true. "yeah, he committed suicide..I'm sorry." "n-no its okay! I'm so sorry you lost your son. I wish you well" That was the last thing Bill said to y/n's mother. He ended up not sleeping that night. He now has to live his life without y/n, without the love of his life; the person he was so afraid of loving.

It has now been seventeen years since y/n passed, everyone has moved on. maybe even forgot about him, but not Bill. He gives with a sense of pure guilt for the rest of his life. "hey y/n, it's me Bill!..the band has been super successful and we've gone on so many tours sometimes I wish I had a break..y'know, a break with you." Bill laid a bouquet of flowers on the grave, hoping y/n would accept the flowers in the afterlife.

Bills POV:

"I'm so sorry..." I sobbed as the tears flew from my eyes, If only I wasn't such a fucking coward. he would still be here, we could've had a life together; a really good life together, but I didn't want it. Because I was afraid of what everyone else would think of me. If only I was proud of who I was, just like y/n was. If only I told him my true feelings that night and not what I needed to tell myself in order to feel "normal". Then he would still be here..

I would see him one more time.

AUTHORS NOTE: hey guys! I've been on a break but I've decided to come back! I might not post as often as I used to because I've been working on small little film projects here and there, but I will be posting again! I know this one is not good Im a little rusty. But I hope y'all enjoy!