#i don't know why time loops upset me so much but they never leave my head. escapism too. boredom and normality as a kind of slow death

[dandelionjack]

the lodger feels way too meta for an episode that contains james corden in it

sidenote is that nick fucking cave

[fashionteahouse]

out of your league - paul x reader

AN: you guys are so amazing and I want to give every single one of you a kiss, it’s not even funny! 💜 you guys supported the last eight whole parts of this series and I appreciate you guys so muchhhhh! much love to all of you xoxo <<prev >>next

Your ears were sore from the prolonged pressure of the headphones. Music was still pumping out their waves of sound, you dragged your headphones off of your head and just put them on your side. Rubbing your eyes and looking at the time, you noticed you had overslept.

In the shower, you didn't know how to go about doing things. You made a promise to go with the flow but the flow was not smooth for you. You allow yourself to think, decompress, and allow all of your troubles to escape down into the drain.

As you were getting dressed, Kim called you. You froze and just watched the phone buzz, each buzz making you upset all over again. Staring at her contact name as it vibrated. Each buzz felt like a tease. Each buzz puts your anger up a notch. She leaves you a text message.

"Omgg Jared kissed me goodnight last night. Answer!!!!"

You pick up the phone and decided to call Paul. The first ring didn't finish its ring before he answered the phone and this made you chuckle.

"I'm coming over." You said to him on the line.

"Wait, I'll pick you up."

He bounced the ball around you as you stood in the court, watching him. He throws in a shot and you're impressed. "Are you okay?" you ask him after he retrieves the ball.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" he asks lightly as he shrugs his shoulders and eyes the hoop once more as the ball bounces between his hand and the ground.

"Just making sure. What you showed me wasn't right."

"I'm more pissed off on behalf of you, if anything... I don't want to talk about that broad anymore."

You nod at that, walk and lean on the fence.

"Do you draw?" you ask him.

You noticed the hiccup in his bouncing, trying your best to withhold your laughter.

"Not all like that... Why?" he says glancing at you. You look at the hoop for a moment and say, "I thought I saw a sketchbook in your room. I'll show you mine if you show me yours." you say to him and he's concentrating on the basketball that's going up and down. He shakes his head, making his decision, and turns his attention back to making the ball get swallowed by the net.

"Why not." you say humorously. He just shakes his head again.

"You're scared." you say to tease him and to your surprise, he cracks a smile, "Sure. I guess I will be scared then." He then decides to change the subject, "Jared is having a birthday party this weekend, are you coming?"

"I wasn't invited." you say and he rolls his eyes, "He told me to bring you, this morning."

"I will go....if.." you say and he looks at you perplexed.

"You let me take a tiny peak." you say as he walks closer to you.

"You're never allowed back in my room." he chuckles. Smiling at him as he walks away to bounce the ball some more and shoot it in the rim, you look down.

"I don't think I will go, in all seriousness." you say.

"There's no pressure.' he says to you and you loop your fingers through the holes of the fence.

Walking back to Sam and Emily's, he's trying to wrap his arm around you but you duck, while chuckling, "You're sweaty." Just as he was going to say a remark, you hear a girl's voice.

"Oh my god, Paul?" you and Paul glance to see a girl that you have seen around school before. Paul doesn't say anything, narrowing his eyes. She goes in for a hug and he steps back. She rakes her eyes over him and it's making you a bit comfortable. You fold your arms.

"I haven't seen you in like..forever." she says to him dragging the words on, not giving you an ounce of attention your way. Paul takes your arm and steers you around the girl and the girl finally looks at you.

"And you haven't answered my calls either." she says. He turns and looks at her, "I tend to do that when I'm not interested."

You walk with him as the girl stares at his back, watching him walk away, in disbelief. You're about to walk up Emily's house steps until you see Kim moving about inside, near the window, smiling and talking with Emily.

You turned right back around and Paul was looking at the same spot you were looking. You start to walk with no destination in mind. He doesn't say anything as he leaves the ball on Emily's porch and follows you.

"Where are you trying to go?" he asks as you both walk for some time.

You sigh and you look at him, "It's pretty nice out. Do you want to sit on the cliffs?"

"Are you sure? I mean.. Especially after.." he says, eyeing you carefully.

You shrug and nod, "You guys killed it."

Sitting on the edge of the cliff, you rest your head on his shoulder as you stare ahead. The view over the water was breathtaking, you took mental pictures of it. Lifting your head up, you place a hand on his neck, making him face you and you lean in. Tilting your head, you both poured passion that you both held, into each other's mouths. Sucking on his tongue, Paul held you close to him, breathing your soul in. Out of breath, you pullback, feeling faint. You lay your head back on his shoulder as you watch the horizon.

"Are you spending the night?" he asks as he holds your hand, leading you in the darkness, going back to the house. You tell him yes as he opens the door for you. Sitting at the table, all four pairs of heads turn to you both. You looked at each of them with your eyes.

"Y/N, it's about time." Kim says jokingly.

You don't say anything, ignoring her as you gun straight for Paul's room trying to close the door, but Paul follows in after you, not letting the door even crack and close it himself.

"As if nothing ever happened." you mutter low, knowing that the two other wolves would easily hear the words.

"Jared is taking her home." he says and rubs your back.

Emily knocks on the door and enters when she hears an invite.

"Are you guys hungry? There's food saved." she offers.

Paul nods and nudges you, "You should eat."

Shoveling the food into your mouth, Sam eyes you carefully. Emily joins you, now that you're there.

"How was your day?" she asks.

"It's going better now." you say.

"It was wrong?" Sam asks.

"It's better now." you say as you scoop the last bit of food of your silverware.

"I tried to call you earlier, I miss your help in the kitchen." she says and chuckles a bit.

"Sorry, I missed it when I overslept. I do miss it when it was just us in the kitchen." you say with a kind smile and walk towards the sink. As you hold and rinse off the plate, Emily wraps an arm around you in a passing hug.

You walk in the sitting room to see Paul lounging on the couch by himself. You sit very close to him and he holds you to him. It’s silent as you two soak in this moment together. It felt right. Watching goofy characters on the television felt right at that time. Caressing the skin of his neck and running your fingers through his thick, soft hair, felt right.

You noticed Paul starting to doze off. You try to get up but he holds you tighter, even though he’s half asleep. You shake him a little and call his name. He’s awake and stares at you.

“Let’s go to bed.” you say and you guide him in the room with his arm. As you close the door, he’s sitting on the bed, not laying down. His eyes are droopy but he’s expectantly waiting for you to join him. You move closer but you didn’t want to sleep in the clothes you had on. Not wanting to search for something or bother Emily for some pajamas, you peel your clothes off. Paul’s eyes are move awake as he raked his eyes over your body.

You debated, but something deep in your bones told you to do it. You peeled off your undergarments, letting it drop at your feet on the floor. Paul moved to the other side, off of the bed, and locked the door. His shorts are off before he turns around to pull you to him. Attacking your mouth, swirling his tongue with yours. You feel his hands everywhere, gasping in his mouth to minimize noise. He feels hot. You feel hot. Your hands reach where they could reach, his hands touching and feeling you as he kissed you deeply.

Letting you come up for air, he scoops you into his arms, the entire front part of your body is pressed onto his. Laying you down with him between your legs, you whisper to him, “Skin to skin.” reminding him of what he said.

He grins seductively as he gazed into your eyes, a look of recall, even. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him as he lined himself up directly to your sex, not pushing in, but instead feeling his skin to your skin. It feels hot and heavy against you but you love how it feels. Soft grunts escape your lips. You buck your hips upward to show him how much you do, you couldn’t look away from his face even if you wanted to. He grabs himself and traced you manually, letting you rock your own hips. It did nothing but made him want to touch you even more. The whispered gasps from you came when he put your legs up and moved himself along you. You put your fingers to your lips, not wanting anyone to hear you.

Paul let your legs rest, well not really, they were now wrapped around his waist as he grinded on your skin. Kissing your lips deeply, to enhance the ache that you feel in the spot he is teasing. You ride out the small climax as you hold him close to you, his lips trying his best to cover your sound. He rolls off onto the side, off of you.

“Paul?” you whisper, wanting him to cover you once more.

“I want to more than anything, but we need to sleep.” he says pulling you close and you snuggle up on him. You pushed the covers away, feeling like they were adding too much heat to your body. Your personal heater was already holding you.

The birds chirping and the chill air is what woke you up. The covers were around you and you looked to the side of the bed that was empty. Bunching up the blanket around you, you watched in horror as the door opens. Paul’s head calms your heart race down. He sees the look on your face and chuckles at it. He closes and locks the door back and climbs into bed next to you, discarding his shorts of course.

He didn’t fight for the covers, lying on his back, he relaxed as his erection stood straight up in the air. His eyes are focused on you with his head face you, pulling you in with a lustful kiss. He roughly pulls the blanket away from your grasp and off around you as he pulls you over him. He makes you sit up by pulling you off of his lips, making your legs go side by side of his neck, pulling you up to his face.

“Wait-” you whisper.

“They’re not here.” he says and doesn’t wait for anything before lapping you up. You felt your body relax down onto him, feeling his hands travel up your stomach and i onto your breasts. Squeezing them and lazily running his fingers over your nipples. Your head was to the air, as if to thank the universe for giving him to you. The stimulation was almost too much. A tight grip was on his hair, your body was shaking slightly as you looked down at what was happening to you. You continue to rock on him, with him not caring, he was allowing his tongue to collect all of you. He wasn’t Paul to you. He was alot of “oh gods” and a lot of vowels.

Letting you slide off of him, he takes your hand to pump and feel on him and he bucks his hips into your hand. You look at your hand that’s feeling on his heavy, thick flesh. Watching your hand jerk and feel in directions that made him groan. “Look at me.” he says as he lifts your chin up and you snap your eyes up. He wants you to watch his reaction to you pumping him. The looks he’s giving makes you pump him more sensually, the sight alone is making you feel deeply excited. He was fucking you with his eyes. Going as far as moaning your name out as he holds your gaze. Your breathing is hitched as the sex gaze that he gives you is burning your eyes. He climbed over and in between you with your legs spread out for him. Sinking himself in you, you both let out a breathy noise. You legs immediately go wrap around him, trying to keep him close to you. Pressed into you and snapping his hips into yours, you squeeze your eyes shut and grip on the strong arms that’s next to you, as he touches the deepest parts of you. He’s stretching you out but you don’t care. You feel yourself pulsaste when he pushes in and out you. He stops for a moment, feeling your insides rapidly squeeze him, wanting him to keep going. He moves slowly, soaking up all the feeling of you. His hips going in circular motions as you hang tight on his arms, crying his name out softly.

Both panting, he detached himself and flips you onto your knees, entering you with one thrust. You gasp as your head droops down and moan. Your fingers bunched up the sheets. It really felt like you felt all of him. Your breath hitches as he pumps in and out. Feeling the same feeling of satisfaction overcome you, you feel yourself buck back on him. He kneads his hands and fingers on the meaty part of your bottom. He takes his hands and rubs one on the pearl of your gateway, pulling and massaging your breast. He leans forward and you feel his rough but gentle hands on your shoulders pulling you to him in a rhythm that makes you a babbling out incoherent words. His hands feel up and down your back as you contort your face from pleasure. You feel kisses on your neck and soon little nips. It didn’t hurt, in fact it excited you more. Open mouth kisses were attached on neck as he picks up the pace, holding you close to him. You shook and trembled against him. You went breathless as your whole body shook, he pulls back and spills his mess into his hand.

You both showered together, rubbing soap on each other’s bodies. The moment felt so right. So right, that you two never wanted this moment to end. Sam and Emily weren’t back yet so after getting dressed with Paul’s big shirt and your pants, not worrying about putting on a bra, you made him breakfast. He was counting down the days you can finally move in with him.

Soon, Jared and Kim comes strolling in through the door. You lost your appetite as Jared greets you and Paul. Kim comes and flings her arms over you, giving you a hug, but you stay frozen. Not moving a muscle to return any type of affection. You instead stand up and take you and Paul’s now empty plates to the sink.

“Where are you guys going?” Kim asks as she sees you both walk out of the door.

“We’ll be back.” Paul says and closes the door.

Paul placed his arms behind his head, laying back on your bed, as you got dressed in fresh clothes.

“I don’t get how she just acts as if she didn’t totally betray me.” you say pulling a top over your body.

Paul shakes her head, “It’s pretty fucked up,” he then quickly changes the subject, “You know, there’s a fine arts center in Port Angeles that we can go to. It’s still early.” he suggests. He wanted you to be surrounded by something you liked.

“Oh. Sure.” You say a bit surprised.

You holds your hand as you both walk close to each other through the city. Walking through the space and the environment, you were entranced. Watching different perspectives of art in the fine arts center made you feel at ease. It definitely brought you back to a level headed space. Reminding you of why you love what you do so much. You documented certain pieces that caught your attention. Adding it to your digital profile, showcasing your day.

It felt nice. You and Paul laughed a lot, making new memories together. Holding each other’s hand and being so close together felt so nice. While you were out, an idea popped in your head. You wanted to make him a piece for when he moves into his new place.

Paul takes your duffle bag out of his car as you climb up Emily’s steps. Your hand twists open her front door. Emily looks up from her mixing bowl and smiles brightly at the sight of you. You smile back, taking off your shoes and give her a quick hug from the side, her hands were occupied.

Kim, coming out of the living room, watches Paul take your bag into his room.

“Jeez… Are you moving in?” she says to you in a teasing tone but you don’t even give her any of your eyesight or acknowledgment.

“Hey, Em do you mind if I give you a hand?” you ask Emily softly.

“Of course not!” Emily says excitedly, loving your help.

You roll your sleeves up and wash your hands. The soap swirls down the drain, you dry your hands.

“So, how was your day?” Emily asks you as you help her place her homemade rolls on a baking sheet. Kim is sitting there, not helping, but instead has one elbow on the table and one on the back of her chair that she is sitting in. She watched while paying attention to the conversation.

You grin at the day that you had, “It was great. How about yours? You and Sam weren’t here when we woke up.” you had plans to go into more detail about the art you seen when a certain someone wasn’t around.

She then grinned at the day that she had herself, “Sam treated me out to breakfast. He claims I don’t take a from cooking enough.” she tinkles a laugh and you join in while nodding, “You cook so much for us. You deserve to have a break.”

Emily smiles at you and then takes the baking sheet into the oven and closes the oven door.

“I don’t mind really. I wish Kim would help out more.” Emily says and jokes at the last part.

“I don’t think you need her help.” you mutter out, “I’m going to go change.”

“Watch your mouth. You don’t have to let her know I’m a terrible cook.” Kim says in a teasing tone, still thinking you two are at that level.

You walk around Emily’s island, towards the direction of the hallway, “And friend.” you say under your breath.

You go in and shut the door and Paul sits up from the bed, pulls his headphones off. Getting up, he pulls you towards him, making you giggle softly. He brushes his lips on the side of your neck, your arm wraps around him as you pull him closer.

A door flings open, with Kim standing at the doorway. You and Paul’s head snaps up at the sight. Her face is scrunched with confusion, her arms are crossed.

“What do you mean “and friend” ?” she asks, wanting to know instantly.

“You need to learn how to knock.” Paul says in a nasty tone, baffled at her audaciousness.

Kim ignores him and moves in, walking closer to you. You unwrapped yourself from Paul and faced her, crossing your own arms. You stared her down. Your adrenaline ran high, knowing no good was going to come out of this.

“What are you talking about, Y/N?” Kim asks louder. You just look at her with a bored expression. You weren’t going to feed into giving her answers when she should know exactly what she did.

Emily comes in, hearing what’s going on, “Come on, Kim. She wants to change.”

“No! What are you talking about, Y/N. You want to say stuff under your breath and then run and hide under Paul.” Kim says in a way that showed she wanted you to feel great shame.

“You know. Now get out.” you say in a calm but spiteful manner.

“Come on, Kim.” Emily says, trying to persuade her to leave as well.

She steps closer, her face contorting into an angry scowl, “Or what?! You’re going to sick your stupid little dog on me?!”

The insult felt like a blow to you, without thinking, you slam your first into her mouth, wanting her to shut it. Emily gasps and placed her hands to her mouth. Kim stumbles back, looking at you in disbelief, “He rubbed off on you more than I thought!”

You go to lunge forward but you didn’t get a chance to, Paul’s arms wrap your waist and turning you right around, away from her. He holds out his hand, gesturing towards Kim, “Kim. Leave. Trust me, this is not a fight you are going to win.”

Jared now comes into view, “Kim, come on.” You watch as she tongues her bloody lip, infuriated that she didn’t get her way. Jared manually grabs her and takes her out of the room.

Sitting in silence, Paul letting you collect your thoughts, Sam knocks and comes in with invitation.

“Y/N. Paul. Come out.” he orders.

You all sit at the table. The tension was so thick that the knife to cut it broke. The hot food that nobody paid attention to on the table didn’t produce more steam than both you and Kim. You couldn’t look at her face, so you look down, pissed as all hell.

“We’re not doing this. We need each other more than ever right now than to be fighting amongst each other,” Sam goes on to say, leaving no room for discussion, “I’m not letting petty drama separate us right now. Let’s eat.”

The clinks of plates, besides the awkward silence, hit everybody’s ears. You weren’t hungry at all but you still picked up small pieces of food to eat. You were willing to just not speak to her. Kim wasn’t satisfied. You look up to find her still throwing you dirty glances. You roll your eyes hard.

“This is great, Em.” Sam silently says to Emily, she gazes at him with a blush and smiles, “Thank you.”

“Y/N, I know I told Paul to bring you anyways, but are you coming to my party this weekend?” Jared quietly asked trying to bring light to the storm.

You shrug but you didn’t want to take your anger out on him, he did nothing wrong. “I don’t know, really.” You say to him in a quiet but polite tone. He nods understandably and look back down at his food.

“Daddy dearest didn’t give his permission yet.” Kim bitterly says under her own breath.

You put your fork down as Sam authoritatively says, “Kim. Stop.”

“I don’t like to attend the same events as sneaks.” you smartly say with your arms folded in front of you as you narrow your eyes at the girl diagonally in front of you.

“You’re calling me a sneak?” she says while scoffing and shaking her head, “The sneak is sitting right there. The one who likes to draw drawings of his rondevuets!” She finishes. Your heart drops as you stand up but Jared throws his fork down and stands as well, “I gotta take you home. The hell is wrong with you?” He says. You never heard Jared talk in a nasty tone to anyone, ever.

Kim throws her fork down, keeping the anger in her eyes as you watch her leave out of the door. You empty your plate and go into the room. You put a jacket on and dig into your bag. You brought it to help you calm your levels before your trip but you put the lighter, small baggy, and small handmade smoking pipe in your jacket pocket.

You walk, not caring the wind is blowing your hair in crazy directions. You walk to the side of Sam’s house and lean against it. You inhale and hold the indica smoke and blow out. You didn’t want to think, so you just stared ahead at the trees.

You hear footsteps and know without having to turn around that it’s Paul.

“Are you alright?” he asks you. You shrug the one shoulder that’s not leaned against the house.

Paul walks closer, looking down beside him at you, suggests to you in the softest tone that he could speak in, “Let’s talk.”

“About what?” you say in a barely audible voice, putting everything back into your pocket, feeling the effects kick in. You didn’t care enough right now to talk about it.

“I don’t want you to think that what she said is true. It’s not.”

“Okay.” you say still not meeting his gaze.

“Y/N, I’m serious.”

“Okay.” you say again trying to let him know that that’s what you already said the first time.

You turn around and walk in the direction of the house, he follows you. You peel your jacket off and set it back on the hanger in his closet, climb into bed and lay on your side. You don’t turn over to face the wall when he comes into the room, you instead close your eyes.

[angelicsjn]

What things could break them mentally? What are they like in that state?

YOUR SEVEN YANDERES.

A N: I really like this because some characters were easy to right, some really weren't, tbh.

A B O U T: You push them too far.

W A R N I N G S: Yandere men having a meltdown, toxicity.

— ROMAN BEAUREGARD.

Roman is an extremely tough cookie.

I mean, he's used to competing under high stress levels, in daily life he's a very calm and collected person.

He rarely, if ever, loses his cool.

That once chance he does slip the mask that he fought so hard to forge and keep on. It's not pretty...

Honestly, I believe it would need to be due to a mixture of things, specifically job related.

Roman is ... hard to speak in these terms because he simply doesn't react much to anything, he's so in control of himself and his anger, he's seen as some kind of icy person, nothing phases nor bothers him.

But that doesn't mean you can get away with fucking him up or over...

Let's say his weekend isn't the best. He's so close to winning the WDC and everything has gone wrong, his rival this season is doing better and better while he seems to be stuck in some kind of loop of not doing worse, but definitely not better. Roman always needs to do better, to be on top, and that is slipping from his grasp.

He storms off as soon as he jumps out of the car, not even bothered to take off his helmet as he makes his way out of the garage and away from the cameras. Of course, you're worried because.. well... he's never like this? So you follow him.

As you try to calm him down, he completely snaps. His grey eyes are usually calm, a bit stormy, but calm — and sometimes glittered with love, but not now. They're angry, almost black as he turns your way, his mouth pointing as he spits, "get the fuck out of my face, I'm sick of you always following me around like a fucking idiot." Roman never talks down on you. Never. He's always respectful, always calm. He never raises his voice.

His words hurt you, but you weren't going to leave him alone. He's just angry. It's fine. He's human. But his words keep spewing like hot venom. "Are you fucking stupid? I don't want you here. I don't want to see you. I'm sick of you always fucking clinging onto me. Dragging me down. Fuck off."

He doesn't stop until you cry and walk off. The worst part is that he doesn't even bother to follow you. He doesn't care. He's so angry he couldn't even see properly, and hours will pass by, and there is no sign of him anywhere.

Roman is the type to need space while angry, though it's extremely rare of him to get like this — stay out of his way.

He would never lay a hand on you, but he will make you feel like the biggest piece of shit on earth, and for hours after, he won't even care to find you because he needs time to really put himself together.

Afterwards, he will crash and either to do two things, ask to sort it out later and sleep together where he will hold you so tightly you feel like your bones will snap.

Or he will find you and crumble, this is the rarest act of his, but he will cry until he can't breathe because he hurt the one he loves the most and he feels like a failure as a driver and as a boyfriend.

— LATEN REED.

Unlike Roman, it is easier to get Laten into a nasty state. He feels. Everything. When he's in love, because once he feels something, he feels everything.

Laten isn't the type to scream in your face or walk off for hours and act as if you don't exist.

No, he's the exact opposite.

He's upset. So fucking upset.

He doesn't understand why you can't just accept him? Why do you fight it back so much to accept you even find him attractive. After trying for so long to show the real him, to show that the rumours aren't true, that he is a good person, that he genuinely wants you, he breaks.

In private, you're a different person, but as soon as you're in public or around others, he suddenly doesn't even exist to you. He ignores it at first. He takes it for what it is. He knows what people think of him. Laten knew that he would be an idiot to think you'd willingly suddenly show up with him hand in hand after so long of avoiding him and his group of friends. But after some time, it starts to get old and almost offensive.

He corners you in a room in the frat. He looks upset, but his cheeks are slightly flushed from the drinks, "why are you ashamed of me?" You didn't expect those words. Maybe an argument, maybe something slightly mean, you're always waiting for him to 'show his true colours', but instead, he looks sad. You avoid the question, brush it off, and tell him to drink some water, but he shakes his head.

"You treat me like I'm nothing. Like we are nothing." And his voice is breaking, and God, he looks so sad. You can't even try to make him feel better because he's not exactly lying. You had been avoiding him all night even though it was him that invited you and your friends.

"It's not fair. It's not fucking fair, y/n." His back is pressed against the wall as he runs a hand through his hair, his lip trembles as he looks away from you for a moment. "I've tried so hard for you to want me to see the real me, and nothing is ever enough." Then words start falling from his lips between sobs. Yes, he is slightly intoxicated but these are the words he's been wanting to say for far too long now.

"I just want you to want me. To accept me."

The best thing to do when he breaks down is hold him and preferably change your actions.

Laten is a bubbly and optimistic person, but he also cares about what people think about him. And you're the person he values most. Of course, it hurts to see you shut down on him.

Laten may easily throw punches at people and show a nasty flair of anger when necessary, but his worst emotion to let loose is his sadness because he feels it in every part of his body, to the point where you feel that pain, too.

— JAE 'NIKO' LEE.

Jae is ... fiery and ready to pounce at all times.

You're used to him firing away, ready to argue, to throw plates and shout until the street hears, but once he loses it, he's almost like he switches completely.

Out of all the yanderes, I'd say that he's the most scariest because he suddenly becomes unpredictable, while the whole time you've known him, you can guess his next move because he's so vocal about everything.

Jae's comeback is a success, two awards already, and he's already preparing for two photoshoots with international magazines. Everything is perfect, but you. You're acting up again, and he's over it.

"Go on then." He says, sitting still at the table. You look confused. What? He's calm, too calm. Is he pretending to be Niko? He isn't. He's done.

"Walk. Go." He waves his hand away, shooing you. You're even more confused. You're not allowed to do anything without his permission, and going outside is a big one. You threaten it enough to know how Jae feels about it. But right now? He doesn't care.

"You want to leave? Go." He isn't cussing. He doesn't even bother to show any expression. So you stand there, not knowing what to do. What happens if you leave. But what happens if you don't?

So you walk off hesitantly. He doesn't follow you. Doesn't even look your way. Everything is quiet, and it almost hurts your ears. You can go days, week, even without a single word from him because he's done with you and your bullshit and just as you're starting to find your feet again in a normal life, he rips it straight from you, but this time he's worse than ever.

Jae sort of becomes like Roman in a normal day life. Which doesn't seem like a big deal until you see the juxtaposition between Jae and Roman.

You're looking over your shoulder to see what he's going to do, you almost become paranoid and that's what he wants.

He wants you to pretty much fear for your life during these moments to make you realise how much scarier he is when he doesn't react.

— KAIDAN WOLFE.

Kaidan is a lot to handle anyway, but once he loses his shit? Dear god.

He changes, his moods are erratic, and he seems to be everywhere mentally.

It's also sort of creepy.

He would break down due to reality seeping in.

He stands there, utterly shocked. Your diary? On the floor, open, ripped up. His eyes are wild and mixed with elements of anger and betrayal. You were so perfect together? What the fuck?

"All this time. Everything is a lie?" He asks, accusingly so. His hands are wildly pointing at the diary, and you're stuck as he comes close. His nose is nearly brushing against yours. "You're a fucking liar." For once he's angry, he's shouting, he's loud. He's not the usual delusional self. He's not making up excuses. He sees the truth and he's fucking angry.

He doesn't blame himself and his ways. No. It's your fault. You're the one who used him. You're fucking evil for this?

But then, after a moment to think, he switches almost. His forehead against yours, and he breathes you in, "it's okay." He says softly. Leaning up, he smiles again, and his eyes are still angry, but there's something else in them. You can't put your finger on it, though.

"Maybe I should stop being so nice."

Kaidan is used to smiling for the camera, acting different depending on who he is with, and you know that his personality switches like the weather.

With you, he's usually consistent, but now? He's wild and confusing until time passes, and he returns to his usual self, but his mind flickers back to the diary and it starts all over again.

— HAYDEN WEST.

Hayden is kind, gentle, and often sensitive.

Realistically, I see him as someone who is easily chipped at.

He doesn't react like the others, but more closely to Laten's reactions.

He's just a bit more ... touchy.

One thing that Hayden hates the most is feeling unseen. Especially by you; he dealt with many of years of not being seen and once he has taste of feeling wanted, it would send him spiralling if you ever pulled away.

It would start off simple, "Are you losing interest?" He wouldn't blame you, think that you've met someone else, he'd genuinely think that you're bored of him, done with him and want something more. You deserve more. He knows that. Some nights it's all he thinks about.

His hand would rest on your shoulder as you sit next to him, his thumb gently rubbing over your skin, his fingers brushing against your collarbone and he'd watch you with careful eyes to see if you're attempting to pull away, if disgust makes its way into your gaze.

Hayden would send you more messages throughout the day and analyse your responses, read between the lines and slowly he would drive himself insane.

"Do you not like me anymore?" He finally asked, the tears threatened spill before you even registered what he just asked and that's because he's so scared for your answer.

He would continue to try his hardest afterwards.

Hayden would still be hesitant to believe you and would constantly watch you and your reactions to get a gauge on where you stand with him.

He needs time to come around to believe you, but that's simply because he overthinks.

— JOSHUA WHITE.

Joshua is a very poised man. He rarely gets affected by things, enough to break him mentally.

If he has an issue, he takes them to God and sorts them out with His guidance, so obviously God and his belief would play a massive role in this scenario.

I believe that it would have to do with something about you and either your beliefs or your way of life.

His fingers tap against the table as he thinks wordlessly. The third night in a row that you've gone out. This routine is tiring for him. He just wants to spend time with you.

He waits until you're back. He makes sure that you're safe. He helps you to bed. He does what he always does: he helps. But inside, he's bubbling like a witches cauldron.

— BLAKE CROSS.

Blake is a man of strong emotions, and he knows how to use them to his advantage.

It's that rare that his emotions get the better of him, though.

Sure, he acts out a lot. Shouts when he's even slightly annoyed, cries to gain sympathy when needed; but it's rare for him to genuinely lose his shit.

It would be over something stupid, really. Maybe you declined his gift of expensive jewellery? You said no to attending an event with him? A meal with his family, maybe?

He's seething, "why the fuck won't you make time for me? Huh?!" His hands fly wildly in the air. "Accept me! My life! Fuck!" He points around the room, showcasing his lavish lifestyle.

Even angry, he seems to brag.

"I do, Blake. I'm jus-" he cuts you off with a laugh, but it doesn't reach his eyes as he runs a hand through his dark hair.

"Bull-fucking-shit! Do you not see how I feel. How I-" he jabs his thumb into his chest. "Care for you? For us? And you give fucking nothing back. You treat me like some... like some fucking secret?!"

He seems deeply affected by it, that you're embarrassed of him. He's just some... stupid rich boy, mother's trophy, father's heir. Not him. Not Blake, the man that was madly in love with you to the point of insanity.

After that, you speak it through, and he pushes the narrative that you need to open up to him, that you're being mean. Unfair.

You attend every event, ignoring your own things. You go to dinners with his family. They're your family now. You wear the jewellery, sometimes you even match with him!

Everything is good, happy—perfect, even.

[leggerefiore]

so I have an angst request that I’m wondering if you could do. I love the fankids but I’m wondering if for some reason the fankids end up in another world. Where they don’t exist. Their respective parents exist but due to some nonsense (Cyrus and his refusal to stop, Grimsley cheating, Nanu pushing reader away) their parents never got together and now they are stuck in such an unfamiliar place without the comfort of their parents. They stay with reader and the pokemen realize that in another world they are happy and have a loving family. So lots of angst from all sides until one day the real parents come to rescue their children and take them away. Leaving the people in this weird world confused and in despair. Hope that makes sense! Idk why I am in such a mood lol

cw: angst, some (not) parental arguing in cyrus's part, cheating in grimsley's, fankids amuck

characters: Grimsley, Cyrus, Nanu

i wrote this for no one to read lmao. changed the request a bit sorryyyy

interesting

♠️Grimsley❤️

♤ Nero held tightly onto Morrigan as they looked around at their surroundings. It was still Alola, same as ever. A place he originally had been upset about moving to, yet now it was a comfort to see. The Ultra Wormhole had been a surprise, both had not been expected such a thing to just pull them in. Nanu had warned them – Telling them stories of fallers without memories ending up in unknown places. They had not had their memories scrambled, at least. Well, he had not. Morrigan had fallen unconscious. It seemed that it likely had just looped them back around. He bravely supported his twin on his shoulder and headed towards the nearest pokemon centre.

♡ Yet, as he headed to the one near the Tapu Village, he passed a familiar man. A man who was just about to walk past them when he felt his annoyance spike. How could he ignore his son and daughter like that!? It was frustrating enough that his father never seemed to learn from his mistakes. His glare seemed to make the gambler come to a stop. “… May I help you?” he asked, “Are you playing the hero to a helpless damsel with the hopes of winning big in the end?” Nero felt like gagging. That was his sister.

◇ “… You're not funny, dad,” Nero grumbled, “Help me with Morrigan. She's been unconscious for a minute, and I'm seriously worried.” He went to move his sister to the older man, but Grimsley took a step back. Icy blue eyes observed him for too closely before switching to Morrigan. He cocked up a brow and brought a hand to his chin. “… Dad,” Nero urged, “Seriously. Help. This is your daughter. Don't you care about her?” This once more caught the gambler off guard. There was much pondering.

♧ “Can you tell your parent I don't appreciate being informed of such a monumental thing in this way?” was Grimsley's reply, “Do they want child support or something? I'm completely broke these days. They played their hot hand too late.” Nero felt frustrated. Was he mocking them? This truly was not the time. He felt Morrigan begin to stir. Her head lifted as she looked around and grasped her head. Then, her gaze landed on Grimsley.

♤ “Dad!” she smiled and moved to hug the gambler, “Nero and I got pulled into one of the Ultra Wormholes!” Grimsley awkwardly dodged her affection. She tilted her head, unsure if this was her dad messing with her. “… Well, I guess it was mostly my fault,” she admitted, “The thrill of whether we would end up in some strange alien world was too much to resist.” His expression was strange at her words. She shrunk back. He almost looked like he was regarding her as one might an insect.

♡ “… I don't know what lies you have been fed,” he let out a breath, “But, I have little interest in being a dad. I doubt you're my only children out there. Just because I had some on and off again relationship with your parent doesn't mean I'm interested in you.” He shook his head. Morrigan took a step back, confused. It was the first time in her like in which her father had ever spoken so harshly to him. Nero stepped forward and stomped a foot at him, already sick of his shit. Whatever game he was playing at, he was taking too far. Being cruel to Morrigan for seemingly no reason and insulting their other parent was too much. Grimsley actually looked a bit intimidated. “… They should have told you this. I made that clear before we broke up.”

◇ Both stood shocked. Broken… up? Neither could recall their parents being unhappy with another despite the circumstance that had happened to them. In fact, if anything, their other parent had been happy Grimsley had more time to lavish on them. Both looked at one another in horror at the thought. This had to be another world. Or Grimsley was really messing with him, but both could tell his expression was too real. “… What?” he questioned, cooking a brow at the twins, “Did they not tell you? Apparently, when I started dating them, I wasn't supposed to keep sleeping around.” Nero had to be physically held back. Though, it did confirm that this was not their world.

♧ Before the situation could intensify any further, a familiar voice called out their names. Both stood astonished when their father seemingly appeared with you in strange not-quite spacesuits. The other Grimsley took a few steps back when his counterpart removed his helmet. “… Oh, man, you two actually nearly gave me a heart attack,” he seemingly ignored his lookalike to approach the two kids, “You certainly did Nanu. The old man was calling all the shots on your missing investigation. Didn't think he was that attached to you both.” He brought a hand to rest on each of their shoulders. Morrigan soon shoved Nero out of the way to cling to Grimsley. Nero watched as the other one observed how you approached them, too, smiling softly. He should have felt at ease.

♤ “… What a situation,” the other Grimsley remarked, placing a hand on his hip. It was clear that he could comprehend this scene. Yes, he understood Ultra Wormholes thanks to Nanu's badgering about avoiding them, but here stood a testament to something far greater than his understanding. Something inside of him twisted at the sight of the happy family. It was something that he never desire, but he could observe the genuine smile on his counterpart's face. “… Did something happen to your head?” he questioned his alternate self.

♡ That Grimsley managed to escape his daughter's hold. Turning to his counterpart, he tilted his head. “… Nope,” his simple reply was with a shrug, “I fell in love. I simply couldn't resist them, and now I've built myself up something. It's better than any high from a thrill.” He pointed the twins to follow you as he headed away. “When you really want something as yours… It drives you into a special kind of madness.” He bid his counterpart farewell and walked over wrap an arm around his partner's waist.

That Grimsley pondered if he could have ended up like his counterpart.

🌌Cyrus🛰

☄️ Cyllene would admit she was perhaps a little too playful. Even if she was a child, there were certain things she knew better than to do yet still did. Engaging with Palkia was chief among them. The legendary had opened a portal, and she, curious crawled in. Which led to her seemingly being atop Mt Coronet. She was lost as to what had happened, but simply assumed that Palkia had created a portal to the top of the mountain. She opted against thinking too much on it, as nothing was immediately odd or uncommon. That was until she found herself riding the train back towards Veilstone. Most people glanced at her strangely. It made her a bit nervous, but she otherwise made her home trip as normal.

☄️ The glances in Veilstone were far more intense as she was spotted by some Galactic grunts. She tilted her head at their reaction. They gazed at her like some unexpected oddity. She ignored them and simply made her way to apartment her family resided in. It was only as she approached the door that she realised she did not have her key. Nervously, she brought her tiny fist to knock against the door. It was quiet for far too long until the speaker beside the door beeped on. “… Are you lost?” It was unmistakably the voice of her father, “There is a police box just a few buildings down. They can help out find your parents.” Cyllene stood stunned. Her eyes went wide, and her heart raced in her chest. Her father was not one for such jokes. Tears burned her eyes.

☄️ “… F-Father…?” her voice was small. The PA system was quiet for but a moment. Then a reply. A simple questioning, “Pardon?” Cyllene moved closer to the speaker, knowing it doubled as a camera. “… Dad…” she begged, “Please…. please don't tease me…” She felt like crying. More silence followed before the door clicked open to reveal the man who was no doubt her father. He was wearing more casual clothing and his hair was unstyled, but it was him. She clung to his legs and felt herself begin to cry. Why was he being mean to her?

☄️ This Cyrus stood stunned, however, at this little girl who stood outside his home. He was no fool. The resemblance was plain as day. This child was a relative of his, if not directly related to him. Some horrible sense of empathy burned in his hardened heart as she wept. Instinct got the better of him as he knelt down and rested a hand on her back. Her reactions… They reminded him of someone. He swallowed. Judging by her age… It was not illogical to assume a possibility that she was… He sighed. “There, there…” his voice was soft, “… Are you claiming that you are my daughter?”

☄️ Cyllene nodded. She could not fathom her own father not recognising her. Had he attempted to mess with the Lake Guardians once again? Her panic led to her gripping his arms tightly. “Father…” she mumbled. His eyes went wide. Another question came from him. A question about her whole parentage. Cyllene blinked at this one. “… My other parent is…” A familiar name left her. Cyrus was frozen by her words. His theory… It was correct. How could this be? The question was about to leave him before he finally motioned her in the apartment.

☄️ Cyllene was further shocked at the state of it. There was no trace of family home she had come to know. Nothing of the small projects she had worked on with her father or the bed for Weavile in the living room. It was dark and seemingly mostly unused. Slowly, it finally set in about what had occurred. She felt sick. All she wanted was her Rotom toy or her bed or for her father to sit her in his lap and explain a star map to her. Instead, she was stuck with an alternate reality version of her father. One who clearly did not recognise her. More tears escaped her eyes. This Cyrus seemed to attempt to comfort her again.

☄️ Forcing down her torment, she was faced with a situation. Yet, before she could be given a chance to explain, her father had out his phone and was making a phone call. His tone was reserved, but Cyllene recognised the voice on the other end of the call. A demand was made for them to meet him at once. Seemingly, they relented after a bit of back and forth. Cyrus informed her she would be back with her other parent soon enough. Yet, they needed to have a chat before he handed her back off. Cyllene felt bewildered. There was no time to object when he grasped her hand tugged her along to a certain building in Veilstone. There stood another, waiting with their arms crossed and clear frustration on their face. Though, this was changed when they saw Cyrus approach with Cyllene.

☄️ “Why did you fail to tell me of our child!?” Cyrus's voice was a rare kind of loud and aggressive. Cyllene was startled away from him due to it. Her other parent stood shocked, too. Their eyes went to Cyllene and back to Cyrus. A simple response of not knowing failed to appease the man. The two soon fell into an argument, making Cyllene curl into herself. Panic burned inside her and made her arms feel numb. All she could do was tap to two stones she found on the ground together. It only seemed to grow worse and worse until finally a voice cut through the fighting.

☄️ “Cyllene.” Her head whipped up as tears fell from her eyes. There, approaching from stairs leading up to the Galactic building was another Cyrus. His gaze was firmly on her. Her legs had never moved so quickly. This version of the Galactic Boss caught her and held her tightly to himself. Another person ran up the stair to them. You. Her eyes burned as you brought a hand gently to comb through her hair. The alternate pair of you both came to an abrupt silence.

☄️ “… What is this?” the Cyrus of this world asked. The Cyrus she knew shook his head. “… Pointless to discuss such things. The idea of parallel worlds existing is something that you are no doubt aware of,” was his reply, “It seems we are two versions of the same person who engaged with different choices. Intriguing.” He clutched Cyllene tighter to himself. The other Cyrus nodded. The other you stood shocked at how close you were to your Cyrus. “… I apologise. We will be correcting this error,” with those words, Cyllene was lifted into the air and carried away by her father to a nearby portal.

Somehow, she felt as if those two had been changed by the experience.

🐈‍⬛️Nanu❤️‍🩹

🌑 Ohi'a would admit what he did was dumb. And, without a doubt, would piss off his dad. The geezer probably would be ready to kill him and then himself if he learnt that he got pulled in an Ultra Wormhole. It really had not been his fault. A toddler almost pulled in, and he dumbly rushed over to push them out of the way. He, instead, was sucked in. Yet… Despite all the horror stories of fallers and Miss Anabel's own existence, he did not fell discombobulated nor without his memories. Looking around, in fact, he still just seemed to be in Alola. The same as ever. He shrugged it off and headed back towards the Po Town police station. He needed to discuss whatever happened with his dad even if it was going to be a pain in the ass. He could already feel the hardened glare of the Kahuna piercing his soul.

🌑 He found himself approaching the station, seeing a familiar man and girl outside the door. Both turned to glance at him strangely. Ohi'a cocked up a brow at them. Acerola approached him with a bright smile and asked if he was lost. He was bewildered. Lost? He lived here. His gaze drifted to his dad, who was trying to pretend that he was not there. “… Huh?” he finally spoke, “… It's me. Ohi'a. I live here.” Acerola's head tilted while Nanu's attention finally shifted onto him.

🌑 “… In Alola?” Nanu finally cut in, carefully treading over, “Where, boy? You aren't trying to join Team Skull, are you?” His hands were in his pockets. Those crimson eyes stared into his own matching ones as if attempting to intimidate him. Ohi'a's nose scrunched up. What? He was acting extremely suspicious towards him. Why? Acerola was even treating him like an anomaly, too. It stung more than he would like to admit. Was this some kind of punishment? It was not like his father at all. Nanu could be a bit of a hard ass, but nothing cruel. Something was wrong here.

🌑 “… No. I mean…” Ohi'a trailed off, pondering what to say. The idea of parallel realities was no unknown to him. That one trainer on their island challenge had told him about their travels in the Ultra Wormhole. An alternate reality, far into the future of a destroyed Hau'Oli city. He stiffened up. Bringing his hand to the back of his neck, he sighed. “… Look, I don't think you'll believe me, but I fell through an Ultra Wormhole,” he explained. Nanu tensed up visibly at his words. “Through some struck of luck, I still have my memories,” he met his gaze, “… No idea what's going on in this world, but in mine, you're my old man.”

🌑 Nanu registered his words in an instant. The suspicion towards him somehow seemed to both fall and increase. Shaking his head, a sigh left him. Acerola gasped at Ohi'a's words and looked between Nanu and him. The Kahuna motioned for him to follow him into the police station. He waved Acerola off, too. Both of them sat in the station for a moment in silence. Ohi'a took in that it seemed much more… different from his memories. A single couch for sleeping. Nothing really to survive on. Some take-out and instant ramen about. “… So, can I ask who your other parent is?” he finally broke the silence. Something told Ohi'a that he already had an idea. His reply of a certain name only got a nod. “Figured…” He sighed, “… Am I a happy family man in your world or something?”

🌑 “… Nope,” Ohi'a replied, watching a Meowth approach him and give his hand a sniff. He brought a hand to pet the pokemon. Its soft fur, a familiar comfort. Nanu observed the interaction. “You're exactly the same, but you're married,” he shrugged, “… I guess you get busy with us, though. Tapu Bulu seems quite happy you had a kid.” Nanu scoffed at that. “I need to get back, you know” he continued, “My parents… They'll end up worried. You seem to think I'm more trouble than I'm worth until something happens to me.”

🌑 Nanu glanced at him. “… Are they happy?” he asked seriously. Ohi'a thought on his family for a moment. It was difficult to tell with how tormented Nanu could be, but he knew his father simply enjoyed the peacefulness of being in a loving relationship. You adored Nanu, often being far too affectionate for either of their tastes, but the small smile on his father's lips. You were happy as can be. Despite everything, he felt his family life was healthy. His parents were in a loving relationship, and they both cared for him.

🌑 “… Pretty much,” he nodded, “… What happened here?” He glanced at the alternate version of his father. Nanu shook his head. Ohi'a felt curious. His father always seemed quite attached to his other parent, typically being quite open to whatever they wanted simply to appease them or make them happy. Granted, it was still in his usual lazy fashion, but it was much like a cat putting up with its owner annoying it out of love. “Are you not together?” Another head shake. Ohi'a felt his heart drop. It was already strange enough being in a world where he did not exist, but his parents not being together felt strangely more difficult.

🌑 Before the conversation could grow any deeper, the door to the station opened, revealing three people in strange suits. Ohi'a recognised them as the attire of the Ultra Recon Squad. Stepping in, one removed their helmet to meet the eyes of the other two. Another Nanu. It felt like something out of a bad movie. “… There you are,” he walked to Ohi'a, “… You're more trouble than you're worth, boy.” The boy rolled his eyes in return. The other person revealed themselves to be you as you rushed over to hug him. He groaned at the tightness. The third actually seemed to be one of the Ultra Recon members.

🌑 The other Nanu relaxed as the recon member explained that they had a way to safely return to their original world. Yet, he felt himself staring at the family for far too long. Everything he had rejected because he felt so unworthy stood right in front of him. His counterpart met his eye. “Thanks for watching over him,” he nodded, “I apologise if he caused any problems.” The Kahuna shook his head. As the four departed from the station, he sat alone for a moment in deep thought.

Maybe he should contact them. It probably was not too late.

[colorfullyminded]

Pinescone Bad Ending Theater Au

So tbh this idea was partly based off the game "Bad End Theater" by NomnomNami which I beat in like an hour and it took my heart and soul immediately. Great visuals, fun story-- it was just yesss! I don't wanna spoil too much. But if you have a chance to play the game-- please do.

Anyway, this gave me an idea for a Pinescone series, so here we go: Pinescone Bad End Theater: (this is in no way related to Bad End Friends-- but it can be see as a bad end alternative)

so consider Dipper's boyfriend goes missing, and of course Dipper is distraught and doing everything he can to find him. About 2 months of relentless searching and exhausting himself (worrying friends and family--who have been helping but have also been wondering if maybe they're too late... with the exception of Stan) he gets a letter in the mail for a playbill about a wandering poet. The more Dipper reads, the more he's convinced it must be Wirt, and he goes to the location in the letter which brings him to a overgrown amphitheater in the woods that he's never come across before. He's then introduced to the playwright, a masked figure wearing a mask that switches between comedy and tragedy (almost always offscreen) The playwright welcomes Dipper, and tells him if he's ready to enjoy the show-- though he might leave with some negative criticsim by the end. Before Dipper can even question him, or get back up, the boy gets sucked into the pages of the script. Now Dipper's in a story with these puppet like people, watching them relive tragedy after tragedy.

no matter what they try; the story ends with the poet and his companions in misery/failing, with the playwright gleefully cackling at the lead's misfortune

Dipper is of course fed up with this misfortune, with this playwright's twisted game, and even more so the cruel way in which the playwright seems to delight in the lead's misery-- the way he berates and knocks him down, again and again. The lead inst his missing boyfriend, but he's so similar to him, that this playwright must have the real Wirt-- so once he gets out, he's beating this guy's ass.

((Putting the rest under keep reading because spoilers))

Eventually, Dipper and the lead are able to confront the playwright briefly-- attacking him, and fighting for a better ending. They end up cracking his mask, so it shatters apart.

To Dipper's shock and horror, Wirt is the one revealed to be under the mask.

He's in a state of both perpetually smiling, while his cheeks are trekked with tears. He applauds Dipper for revealing the surprise twist, but tells him it doesn't change the ending.

He eventually loops Dipper and the puppet Wirt back to the beginning again after another tragic ending.

And now Dipper has to figure out why Wirt is doing this-- what is going on? How did his boyfriend end up like this….and how to end this tragic play once and for all.

• You can see clues early on that the playwright might be Wirt

As the playwright will be almost sadistic to the lead actor (the Poet)-- but will hesitate to hurt Dipper, and/or get upset if Dipper intervenes in the story and gets hurt on the lead's behalf. (an example of this is one time the puppet it burning alive, and Dipper fishes him out of the fire and starts trying to pat the fire out with anything he can-- including his bare hands. The playwright appears, lamenting Dipper's actions, grabbing his wrist and demanding to know why he would hurt his hands for for a puppet who's meant for kindling anyway)

- There's also a (I haven't finalized the idea) but maybe the lead has a dog companion, who never gets hurt in the story ever (it's a representation on Greg) and the one time the lead questions if the theory is true and threatens the puppet dog with an axe, the playwright intervenes and just goes on a rampage attacking the lead puppet, cursing him for daring to even thinking of harming something so pure and innocent and kind. How dare the lead be so full of himself.

-When Dipper is affectionate to the lead, the playwright is clearly jealous, and grows more malicious to the lead.

• The Lead's costume is similar to Wirt's otgw costume, except he's wearing a more red floppy hat-- like Snufkin's. When taking the hat off, the lead is revealed to have wooden rabbit ears, which makes the slight facial markings on his painted face make more sense.

• Again, the playwright's face switches from comedy to tragedy, but you never see it switch. One moment he could be talking to Dipper while smiling-- Dipper could say something to upset him, and when it pans back to the playwright, he's now just wearing the tragedy mask. You never see the mask shift expression, or see if he replaces the mask-- it just switches (in the sense of a comic) from one panel to the next depending on his emotions. Comedy is anything from Delight, Malice, Laughter, Love, Sarcasm, Tragedy is anything from Sadness, Anger, Jealousy, Pain, Exhaustion.

((I haven't decided if I wanna spoil the reason Wirt is doing this yet, but if people are interested enough in this au-- please let me know, and i'll be happy to answer any questions!)) But yes, what do you think so far?

[livesworthlivingau]

Behind the Vale Chapter 36

SO sorry this took so long, finally starting to get back into the swing of things! Hopefully more soon!! ISAT and Two Hats spoilers below!

"I'm sorry Eclipse, but I'd much prefer to have this conversation with Stardust alone." [You explain while trying to keep a hold of yourself. Your mind racing with terrible theories as to what could be happening.]

"No. No way. I need to know what happened too, No way I'm letting a repeat of last time happen!" [You wince as their assumption stabs you like that jagged rock. You clench your fists before Stardust speaks up.]

"N-No! It's not like that! I promise! W-We were riding in the cart together and something broke, we tumbled out and... W-Well I don't really know what happened after that exactly..." [Eclipse's expression falters some, turning from defensive to guilty.]

"S-Sorry, I... last time Sif was like this was..."

"It's fine, I understand... if you could please just give us a moment alone." [You ask as you try to keep your composure still. He agrees before hugging Stardust tight.] "They're more than welcome to tell you anything afterwards." [You try to reassure him before you and Stardust take your leave, finding a secluded spot near camp on that very early morning.]

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"So..." [You awkwardly begin after you both sat in silence for a while.] "Do you want to hear what happened, or do you want to tell me why you were freaking out?" [They hug themself under his cloak lightly, still looking quite rattled.]

"I... I don't fully understand what happened, but... I think I... died?... like actually died? Not just like when I loop, but like... like if I didn't..." [He explains while looking down, though once his gaze returns to meet you, he blinks a couple times from your expression.] "What?... What happened?" [You take a deep breath in, and slowly sigh it out.]

"... You died... We both did, but... you died first... and..."

"And we didn't loop... until you did?" [He fills in the blank as you struggle to speak, and you nod lightly in response.] "... but... but why wouldn't we loop?... Why did you-?"

"I don't know! I don't know why you didn't loop and I did! And the more I try to think about why that might be, the worse the answer gets!!" [You shout as you can't hold it in any more.] "What if my wish changed that?! What if I stole your life?! What if it was always me looping?! I-I-!" [You start to hyperventilate, your heart racing with a crazed expression painted over your face.]

SLAP

[You... blink a couple times, feeling one half of your face stinging before looking back down to Stardust, who was recoiled in shock at what they just did.]

"S-Sorry! You were freaking out and that worked on me when I got into spirals like that so... uhhh... you okay?" [You still need a second to recover from that, but give a light nod.]

"I... I think so, yes... thank you."

"Heh, don't thank me, yet another trick from Nille~... Really though, we'll figure this out, okay? No need to jump to the worst possible conclusion so quickly. And yes, before you say it, I know that's rich coming from me." [He jokes while sticking his tongue out a bit. You can't help but chuckle a little in response.]

"Right... You're right... we'll figure all of this out eventually..." [You take a deep breath to center yourself once more, then realizing something.] "You never finished explaining what happened... before we looped..." [His happier expression fell yet again, a more worried one starting to paint over his face.]

"Well... I saw it... I saw home... I started to remember everything, it's gone now but... it was there... it was all there..." [You stare in disbelief. The Island?... They had a way home, and this was their reaction?...]

"Why do you sound so upset about that?"

"Because I don't want that! Not like this at least! I don't want home if it means I have to lose everything again..."

"It's not like we aren't used to it at this point..."

"... I wasn't gonna be the one to say it... We should probably head back now, we still gotta stop that cart and all." [He tries changing the subject, You give a sigh and nod, leaning against the tree you sat beside.]

"You go on, I still need a moment."

"You sure?... I don't know if stewing in your own thoughts is gonna help much..." [You smirk a little as a thought comes to mind.]

"Was I this annoying as your guide?"

"Hah! Oh always~! At least I get to return the favor now~." [He teases, sticking his tongue out. You give a playful defeat sigh and get back to your feet.]

"Fine, fine, you're right. Lets go."

[drbased]

A lot of classic wisdom advice says to let your emotions flow by, not paying special attention to them, and you can achieve some sense of peace this way.

But in my experience with depression, recognising that my emotions aren’t random - that they represent reactions to my environment according to values and beliefs I hold - has been invaluable in my recovery and self-discovery.

Emotions are sensory feedback, but they’re sensory feedback of the self - and imo ignoring them is tantamount to self destruction. I know analysing each of my emotions and intellectualising them is a refusal to accept my selfhood - but I needed to do that step first before I could learn to trust that my emotions are manageable, valuable and part of me. I need to learn to recognise that I was bored, that that person irritated me, that I was low-key worried I won’t get to that place on time. As my depression is built out of embarrassment that I’m an individual, and therefore I should defer my emotions and beliefs to some sense of ‘objectivity’, recognising the embarrassing specificity of my emotions - and where they originate from - gave me an avenue into accepting the natural subjectivity of the self.

My understanding is that once you’ve acquired a mental illness, you have to approach yourself differently. If you’ve broken your leg, you can’t walk on it like other people do. And my journey out of depression required steps that other people would call 'overthinking'/'overanalysing'. But here's the kicker - I was already doing that anyway. Here are some examples:

'The lady doth protest too much' thought loops: So I would sometimes read an argument on the internet, and it would stick in my head, going round and round and never quite leaving me alone. The traditional advice of 'let it go' never seemed to work for me. So when I started this journey, I decided to actually ask myself why this thought loop is happening? What I realised was this: I actually agree with the argument, but I can't bring myself to admit that for various reasons - it's too miserable, it ruins my fun, etc. etc. In taking the step to actually recognise that a thought pattern and its associated emotional discomfort isn't something I shouldn't just 'let pass', I instead discovered a value that I had. And ever since I learned to recognise this, I don't get those thought loops anymore. I can and do still think about things intensely, but there is sense of purpose and a conclusion, typically an actionable one e.g. I don't like the morality of this film, but it's somewhat of a guilty pleasure, so I will only watch it pirated by myself and not talk about it with anyone.

Not being able to let stuff go: Similarly, if someone or something has upset me, I used to find it excrutiatingly difficult to let stuff go. I couldn't compartmentalise, and the thing that upset me would get in the way of me enjoying other things. What I learned about thought loops/difficulty letting stuff go is that they come from the same fundamental place: some fundamental question isn't being addressed. When I allowed myself to recognise that I was really, deeply upset by that one comment a person made, I was able to face it head-on. I allowed myself to be a subjective person who can be hurt by something, even if to others it would be an 'overreaction' - because regardless of even if it was an overreaction I was already feeling it anyway. So instead of refusing to acknowledge it in the hopes my pesky selfhood wouldn't get in the way, I decided to roll with it. Through this system I also learned that once I've acknowledge the 'unwanted' feeling, I also can acknowledge the reason why it's unwanted in the first place, and I can pit those two value systems against each other, negotiating with myself and coming to a robust solution. Now, individual things can seriously bother me, but my own new value system/system of logic recognises the importance of specificity - that one person bothered me, but they're not here now, and feeling good feels good, so there're nothing stopping me from enjoying time with these other people. And because I'm not constantly fearful that the unwanted emotion represents something inherently corrupted about myself (ironically enforced by its persistence in my mind), I don't need to be constantly low-key mulling it over, and so it can be completely out of my mind in a different situation, safely accepted as a valuable part of me. This, I now understand, is what we in the trade call 'letting things go'.

What I note here is that the medium is the message: every act of choosing to roll with my natural subjective selfhood instead of fighting it is, in itself, an act of self-acceptance. Just how giving a gift to a friend is both an act in the material world of creating an enriching environment with pleasant emotions, so too is it an act of love - in fact, it's an act of love because of its relationship with the material world. This is incredibly obvious in hindsight, but this causal connection with reality is entirely what I lacked. I was so stuck in my head, believing my emotions were tantamount to reality (or something 'more' than reality), and therefore they needed to represent something inherently correct and objective and should line up with my conscious perception of the world. In learning to accept them as simply a natural sensory feedback to a sense of subjecte value systems I hold in relation to my material environment, I have reinforced a direct causal relationship between myself and reality.

When I talk about how symbolic states disrupt your relationship with causality, this is a perfect example of that. Spiritual thinking is a rejection of the natural subjectivity of the self because it places higher meaning onto ones emotions instead of recognising that they're a response to one's internal value system/belief system. When I used to get a great euphoria from certain life experiences, I was conditioned to believe that that's a 'sign' of something bigger than me. My emotions were never my own, and as such I was terrified of them, but also I subsisted off them like a child starved of love and attention from a parent comes to rely on erratic and random demonstrations of affection. I now recognise that my emotions are my responsibility - which is also scary, but it's scary in a way which makes me feel like an actual adult. And that responsibility, as with all things in the subjective self, can be reframed - yes, there is responsibility, but there is also opportunity: I am not 'obligated' by the universe to eat this healthy meal because it is objectively good, and therefore I have no real 'need' to feel such emotional distress at not doing so; rather, I value myself and I value having a healthy body, so I can simply choose to eat this healthy meal. What was once an obligation is now a gesture of love - and I feel that love internally. It's a real, actionable love.

[cntloup]

What if...?

Fem!Reader angst, purely self-indulgent, probably ooc Simon

You've done this before... numerous times actually; getting into your head too much, being stuck in a mind loop, making a mountain out of a molehill and start an argument out of nowhere, but you dread that day... the thought alone makes you dizzy and nauseous. Although he had tried to reassure you countless times but still you haven't been fully convinced, still feeling not good enough and undeserving of his love... a love so pure, beautiful and passionate it feels like a dream. You still had not been successful to defeat the dark part of your mind that makes up these fucked up scenarios. What if he finds someone else? Someone more patient, present and mentally stable? Someone who’s willing to give him anything and everything he desires? "I'm worried, Simon. Worried that you'll resent me when we're older and it's just the two of us." "Love, don't you think that's enough? Just us? Because for me it is. We don't have to have children to fulfill our love." His words start to calm your racing mind a bit, but the dark thoughts start to run through your head again. As you try to process it all, gather your thoughts and think about what to say next, he takes your hand in his gently rubbing your knuckles and leaning in to give you a tender kiss on your cheek. After some time passes you break the silence "I know but wha- ... what if you regret it? What if-" fuck it’s starting again... your head hurts from thinking too much "What if you find someone else? Someone who-" he cuts you off starting to get a bit irritated "Someone else? Never! Please... bloody fuckin hell!” he lets out a loud sigh and gets up from the sofa and stands there pinching the bridge of his nose “How could you even say that? Love, please don't let these thoughts get to you. We've been through this a thousand fuckin’ times. You're the only one for me. And I would never force you to do anything that you don't want or put your life at risk. What kind of man would I be if I did that? Why should I even say this? It should be obvious, right? I just don't know why you wouldn't believe me!" His voice is getting louder by each sentence and tears start to well up in your eyes and soon after, you’re crying "I believe you, Si. I'm so sorry. I don't mean to upset you. It's just that- that these fucked up thoughts never really leave me alone, no matter how much I try, I just can't escape." You manage to get out the words through your sobs. He feels guilty now... and helpless. You're sobbing right in front of him... because of him. It’s all his fault. He should've been more patient and understaning. "It’s ok, love. I didn't mean to get angry. I'm so sorry. Please... what can I do?" He gives you a bone crushing hug and rocks you back and forth to calm you down. You take deep breaths and he pulls away slightly when he feels your racing heart calm down. He looks at you with glossy eyes, guilt and a thousand apologies evident in them. "Whenever you start getting these thoughts again just tell me, ok? Don't let it get to that point where you get stuck." "Ok, Si. I promise I will try but it won't be easy. It just takes some time for me to come to my senses after those thoughts strike my mind." "I'm right here whenever you need me. You don't have to go through this alone. We can even get help from some professionals if you want." "Yeah, that’s a good idea. Thank you, Si." He gently kisses your forehead and slowly pulls you into his arms again "I love you" "I love you too, Si."

comments/reblogs are greatly appreciated ♥ 

[rins-batcave]

RANT TIME bout the mean girl

Basically, I met E in the 6th grade. We were both new students at my school. I've been in the same class with her every year since, even though I've never requested her.

In the 6th grade, we had two other friends. K and Y. Y we're still friends with, but K ended up leaving our friend group. I always kinda recognized the fact that everyone wanted to be friends with K most, and I was closest with her, which made E resent me I think.

After all the drama, K apologized to me and we're on pretty good terms, but E is still salty.

She's very competitive with me over everything, even our mutual friends, which makes it annoying to be around her.

She hates me, I know she does, and I don't understand why she still even bothers talking to me.

She herself has said she's very jealous of me, mainly because I'm the top student in our grade and her parents know that. They always compare her to me.

But again, I know how resentment can build but I honestly have never done anything to her.

I sometimes go through periods of ignoring her because she really upsets my mental state that much, and when I'm really deep in my depression phases I can't make room for that. But she often ignores me too.

Sometimes I'll joke and she'll start making really mean jokes back, and sometimes, like I make a similar kind of joke because I think it's ok if she's made the same kind but then she gets really mad.

This year I'm in a class with E and S, and it means that I'm forced to hang out with her with only one person present.

E, S, T and I are in a smaller mini friendship group, but it makes it super awkward for S and T when E is mad at me. She constantly rants to them about me and then they refuse to tell me stuff and E makes a big effort to exclude me and make me feel out of the loop.

I told some friends about it and they say they've never felt that and it makes me feel crazy and maybe I'm just imagining this all and I am crazy but I just feel so bad every time I talk to her and it scares me when she gets mad because she knows lots of stuff about me and my family and her mom has connections in the school and she could wipe me out so fast whether or not she knows it and I feel so fucking crazy because no one sees it or believes me.

The one person who ever agreed was K, and we used to talk about how weird E's passive aggression was and her behaviour but now I have no one I can talk to it about and I just don't understand I guess.

Maybe I'm just painting myself as the victim I feel like I am and I barely believe myself but I feel so shit about it.

[salotk]

Fragment of the book 🌸

POV Sand

So even if he comes to beg at my house, at P'Yo's store, or even on campus, this time I won't let him go easily. This goes beyond drugs; it's about him having the audacity to come between me and that Freddie Mercury guy. Even if he says, "I'm sorry, I was wrong and I know I upset you," it won't work this time.

His apology misses the mark. He still doesn't understand why I'm so angry.

"You almost locked me up, you almost put us all in jail!" I finally told him, or else this idiot wouldn't have a clue!

"I'm sorry... I didn't think about it much. I won't do it again, Sand" "You really didn't think much, idiot. I was there when the car accident happened, I took care of you when he broke your shoulder, and I accompanied you to the parole office. I even I promised to help you with community service. And this is how you pay me?"

He went silent and I finally released myself on him. "Why don't you do these stunts with Mew? Why am I always the one you come running to when you're in trouble? Do you ever think about me when you're happy? Can you for a moment think about what could happen to you-"

I was silent there. If I had kept going, it would have seemed foolish. Ray stood there,

looking regretful. I realized that he was not proud of his actions.

I sighed deeply and continued. "When Mew went out with Top, even though you knew that one day he might end up in pain, how did you feel?" I paused for a moment because suddenly I felt like tears were coming to my eyes again.

"At that time, you felt like you were just a backup lover, didn't you?"

"I never saw you like this"

"Then I'm just an option... you make me feel that way," I said, my voice getting louder with each word. "You only choose to do things that hurt you. And the day you have a problem, I have to come and clean up the mess. How do you think I should feel?"

Ray remained silent. I decided to walk away because I didn't want him to see me cry. As I turned to leave, Ray stepped in and blocked my path. I had no choice but to push him away, knowing I might hurt his shoulder.

"If you don't love me, if you don't believe me and you only worship Mew, then let me go, Ray."

I didn't care anymore, I didn't even want to touch it. I pushed him away once again with all my strength and walked in a different direction. That's when Ray hugged me from behind. Fortunately, he couldn't see my face from that angle. As he struggled to free me from his embrace, tears ran down my cheeks.

In the end, I gave in to his embrace, surrendering to my own desires. I stood there as Ray hugged me, his face buried in my neck. He whispered softly: "I told you, I won't let you go, Sand..."

A selfish thought crossed my mind. Why did I always find selfish people in my life? Everyone saw me as a backup. Even my ex-boyfriend, with whom I had a relationship for a long time and whom I loved as if he were my last, saw me like that. And now, Ray, who believed that he could understand me and accept me into his world, also believed that I wasn't worth enough.

"Isn't this pretty pathetic? Do I have to beg you directly, Ray?" My voice was both soft and hoarse, reluctant to escape my lips. "I can't go on like this. So it's time to choose someone."

He remained silent, refusing to answer. I allowed him to hug me for an indefinite amount of time. I'm not sure if anyone would witness this. But as his heart beat against my back, I found myself trapped in the same endless cycle, unable to move forward, and then back again. It felt like an endless, endless loop.

[trumanshcw]

kiof pissed me off so damn bad. they were one of my favorite groups and like there's no damn way they didn't know. belle saying before the live not to stop being their fan. don't play with me. they knew and they don't care it's disgusting. how can you be that like, dumb. not even dumb because they knew but how do you even like go through with that

i feel like i've been stuck in a loop where i go from angry to upset then back to being angry, the more i think about it the more bewildered i am that literally no one (both the girls and the staff) stopped to question what they were doing 💀 kiof was one of my ults too and they were my fav 5th gen group and i was rooting so hard for them because i really felt like they were bringing something new to kpop but if they cannot bring it in themselves to care about their black fans and how they feel by their actions then i really don't feel inclined to care about them

they definitely knew what they were doing (esp belle and julie) and the way some members have already started posting again like nothing happened just makes me feel like they don't care about what they done and to them this is just something that'll blow over eventually 👎🏽 everything about this makes julie's apology for saying the n slur feel insincere, especially the part where she says she educated herself and matured. if anything, to me it makes it feel like her apology was just damage control because the video of her saying the slur resurfaced during kiof's debut era and s2 didn't want any trouble right out of the gate. and whether that's true or not doesn't erase the fact that s2 saw no problem with anything in the livestream and that alone just shows to me that they didn't try educating julie further or even try educating any of the members on how to be respectful other cultures which is mind boggling to me considering that's it's very clear that they wanted kiof to reach out into international audiences 💀

everything still hurts and i don't think i'll ever look at girls the same way again. i know you never truly know your idols but i, never in a million years, could've seen this level of ignorance coming and it just makes me feel a certain type of way that i invested this much time and money into them

idk why s2 thinks they can move past this because now there's a whole plethora of people who'll know kiof for their ignorance and their ignorance alone. kiof aren't "nugu" by any means but they certainly aren't popular enough for them to leave this situation at a company statement and have it blow over. i really do think this will follow them for the rest of their careers and i just cannot find it in myself to feel any sympathy for them

[melpcmene]

As I've done this for Jay and Nya, I feel like I should do this for Sonic too. So all my headcanons can be here in one place and may get updated here and there too. ( As I very much enjoy thinking/writing out headcanons! ) Expect this to be in my pinned post next to his verses! And if this gets too long then don't worry! Rest of it will likely be under a readmore! including his headcanon tag here.

01. As an inspiration from Murder of Sonic and confirming what I assumed. Sonic will sleep in strange spots. ( Confirmed by Tails himself! ) So these spots are: Hedges. In the palm tree because why not? He may nap on the Tornado. ( With or without Tails' permission. ) Randomly snoozing in a field of flowers. Sleeping somewhere on a roof. In a washing machine after doing a couple of laps in it. I know, silly of him to do so, but he needs to catch up on his zzz's.

02. And speaking of strange places to sleep in. Things like hedges and flower fields can cause some leaves/flower petals/grass to get stuck in his quills. Sonic isn't always kempt, you know? I find it hard to believe that he's always clean 24/7 here in Green Hill. ( Or anywhere else in the world. ) And most of the time he does not notice nor does he care. He's here to adventure after all and kick ass.

03. He prefers nature over the city any day. Cities are more cramped sometimes. They lack loop-de-loops. He likes more freedom like nature offers. Plus he's a hedgehog. Often seen in the wild. Running happily.

04. His friends are the world to him, and seen in countless things. Sonic will stop to help them. ( Like in Sonic Riders in the opening: Tails was pushed off his Extreme Gear and Sonic stopped to help out his buddy! ) But he knows that they can look after themselves. He is not the mother hen of the group. Sonic truly believes in them. He believes in Amy and her strength and her hammer. He believes in Tails and his flight and his smarts. He believes in Knuckles with his boulder-breaking punches and his loyalty to the Master Emerald. So on and so forth, but he will save them if they need it. ( Like going through all that length like in Sonic Prime to bring them all back to him. )

05. He's not fond of someone being upset. He has a preference for smiles. “ Just smile. ” He'd said to Elise. But also knows when it is the time to cry. Like wishing all those handkerchiefs for Shahra at the end of Secret Rings. “ Now let yourself cry. As much as you need too. ” So he gets it. And will never tease those who are currently down. As he knows there are other things to help.

06. He is not fond of titles, nor likes when people use them on him. Like master, king, hero. He prefers someone to say his name, not a title.

07. Again. He is selfless and adventurous. Like in the comics: “ me? i just like helping people out wherever i go… it feels pretty good, too! ” Sonic is there whenever someone needs him. More so if he's nearby. He does whatever he needs to do in his power to stop whatever is going on.

08. Obviously. This guy loves chili-dogs. If they're cold? Put them in the microwave! He prefers his chili-dogs to be hot! And when you're travelling the world here and there, you need to pack some chili-dogs for the road!

I may add more later as I go through the games!

[inconveniently-discorporated]

I've also posted this and submitted feedback but I cannot express enough how much I HATE that most social media has devolved into exclusively using shitty algorithmic feeds with no options for chronological order anymore, and how much that has driven me away from those platforms.

I specifically joined Tumblr because I was unhappy with other social media platforms and the inability to see content I actually WANTED to see. I am constantly served stale content that OTHER people are looking at, but isn't what I want to see. Lord help me if I curiously search one thing one time, or accidentally leave a video on loop while I go do something -- my entire feed is then taken over by shit I don't actually care about.

Would I mind there being better options to find things I might like outside of the bubble I've created? Sure -- but those would be good options, not good replacements.

Having a self-curated feed that I can review chronologically has allowed me to build up a rapport with mutuals and followers in a way I have NEVER been able to on any other platform. Not even on Facebook (anymore) on which I'm ONLY friends with people I know and want to keep up with -- I simply can't use it for that, because 80% of my feed is populated by the same "top posts" I saw five hours ago and assorted promotional bullshit, so I really don't see my friends' everyday content, and I'm not going to go to everyone's individual profiles every day just to try to keep up. So I just don't go on there.

The way Tumblr works has allowed me to build an organic network based on who I choose to follow, and what those people are reposting. I enjoy being here and recommend this site because it's been the most beneficial social media out of all the other ones.

I don't have to worry about the algorithm sending me to "the wrong side of tumblr" like what happens on other platforms. Sure, someone might reblog my content to an audience I did not intend content for, but the nature of how this site works makes that fairly unlikely to happen. Meanwhile, I've seen content creators bullied off other platforms because one of their videos got picked up by the algorithm and shown to "the wrong side", effectively throwing them to the hornet's nest of social media bullies.

And, finally, gaming human psychology for profit is fucking gross and a huge reason why social media is often so toxic. I do my best not to support platforms that do this. People naturally engage more with content that is upsetting, but it doesn't necessarily mean that's what they WANT to see. That is what they are being manipulated into interacting with. I like that I can take care of myself by curating my feed and only following content that is beneficial for me.

An open letter to @staff

I already submitted this to Support under "Feedback," but I'm sharing it here too as I don't expect it to get a response, and I feel like putting in out in public may be more effective than sending it off into the void.

The recent post on the Staff blog about changing tumblr to an algorithmic feed features a large amount of misinformation that I feel staff needs to address, openly and honestly, with information on where this data was sourced at the very least.

Claim 1: Algorithms help small creators.

This is false, as algorithms are designed to push content that gets engagement in order to get it more engagement, thereby assuring that the popular remain popular and the small remain small except in instances of extreme luck.

This can already be seen on the tumblr radar, which is a combination of staff picks (usually the same half-dozen fandoms or niche special interests like Lego photography) which already have a ton of engagement, or posts that are getting enough engagement to hit the radar organically. Tumblr has an algorithm that runs like every other socmed algorithm on the planet, and it will decimate the reach of small creators just like every other platform before it.

Claim 2: Only a small portion of users utilize the chronological feed.

You can find a poll by user @darkwood-sleddog here that at the time of writing this, sits at over 40 THOUSAND responses showing that over 96 percent of them use the chronological feed. Claiming otherwise isn't just a misstatement, it's a lie. You are lying to your core userbase and expecting them to accept it as fact. It's not just unethical, it's insulting to people who have been supporting your platform for over a decade.

Claim 3: Tumblr is not easy to use.

This is also 100% false and you ABSOLUTELY know it. Tumblr is EXTREMELY easy to use, the issue is that the documentation, the explanations of features, and often even the stability of the service is subpar. All of this would be very easy for staff to fix, if they would invest in the creation of walkthroughs and clear explanations of how various site features work, as well as finally fixing the search function. Your inability to explain how your service works should not result in completely ignoring the needs and wants of your core long-term userbase. The fact that you're more willing to invest in the very systems that have made every other form of social media so horrifically toxic than in trying to make it easier for people to use the service AS IT WORKS NOW and fixing the parts that don't work as well speaks volumes toward what tumblr staff actually cares about.

You will not get a paycheck if your platform becomes defunct, and the thing that makes it special right now is that it is the ONLY large-scale socmed platform on THE ENTIRE INTERNET with a true chronological feed and no aggressive algorithmic content serving. The recent post from staff indicates that you are going to kill that, and are insisting that it's what we want. It is not. I'd hazard to guess that most of the dev team knows it isn't what we want, but I assume the money people don't care. The user base isn't relevant, just how much money they can bring in.

The CEO stated he wanted this to remain as sort of the last bastion of the Old Internet, and yet here we are, watching you declare you intend to burn it to the ground.

You can do so much better than this.

[noonespecialthebloganon]

10-8-24

It's been a very long time since I've written anything.

Ever since I graduated college I've felt so lost and purposeless. I don't know who I am or what I enjoy or really anything about myself anymore. My best friend told me once I finished I'd probably experience a pretty gnarly case of burnout and of course she was right. I pretty much had done nothing but school for five consecutive years. Four years undergraduate and one insanity filled year to get my masters.

I feel like some people would be so excited to move on to the next part of their lives, but I don't. I just feel scared and start to think about all the things I wished I'd done differently; all the choices I wished I could have explored. Wishing I could have picked my college and wishing I could have picked the major I desired, rather than following a road map of plans concocted by my mother. But when you're a kid and you're just trying to survive, you'll do just about anything to avoid an inevitable fight rearing "its" head.

More importantly, I agreed because I couldn't bring myself to leave my younger sibling. I knew what it was like to live in our home, I knew how bad it had gotten in recent years and it felt pertinent to stay- to continue to take the brunt of it rather than allow it to mudslide down to the kid. She didn't deserve to be targeted simply because she was the only target left in close range. My older sibling saw the chance to get out and she did. I can't blame her really, but I knew I didn't have the same choice simply because she had already taken it.

I decided to throw myself into school, even if it wasn't my choice- I was determined to do the very best I could. I figured maybe if I did well enough I could get some scholarships and save some money for my parents. I wanted to have them pay as little as possible in order to save money for my younger sibling. I was more than aware she would be able to attend a much more prestigious institution than I ever would and I equally knew my family would need the funds to make that happen.

I tried my hardest and made school my entire life-- compulsively checking my inbox, refreshing the school site over and over, reviewing my grades constantly, reaching out to professors for office hours, ripping pages out trying to perfect my notes and never getting it quite right enough, lesson plan after lesson plan after lesson plan, essay after essay after essay, lecture after lecture after lecture-- it was just all too much. After a while everything starts to blur into an intricate loop of the same record scratching over and over again, drowning out everything else in my life until there is nothing else. Until I have no real life outside of school. No real fostering of friendships. No real chance of romantic attachments.

I was glad I made my parents proud, but I wasn't happy.

In fact, I was deeply troubled. I was constantly feeling dread as the days passed, inching closer towards a future that wasn't mine. Feeling like a dark cloud had encroached over everything, blackening out any joy or light I'd ever felt in my life. Trying so hard to overwork my brain so I couldn't think about anything at the end of the day. Working until all hours of the night neglecting sleep and eating less each day. Putting my mental health on the back burner, as if it is something that can just magically disappear upon being ignored.

My bedroom became the physical manifestation of these internal struggles. It was unlivable, yet I lived in it for three years until my family questioned why I would never allow anyone into my bedroom. When my younger sibling finally saw my room for the first time in years, she wasn't disgusted or grossed out, she was just there for me.

After the reveal of my room, my mom was upset. I couldn't blame her, but the constant comments became overwhelming and made me feel horrible about myself. I felt disgusting. When these feelings finally became too much, I voiced them to my mom. It just angered her more. My younger sibling stepped in, explaining to my mom that I need to be supported and not judged. For her to simply imagine how painful it must be to live in my head for things to get this bad before anything was said.

My younger sibling is in university now, looking into the major of her choosing, dorming, making friends, and experiencing new things in a place she has always wanted to be. I'm happy for her, but I'm sad. I took her under my wing when she was only 10 and I think part of me will always be stuck at 16 wondering what the hell I'm supposed to do.

Everyone else is getting their dream job, or working 24/7, or having babies, and I'm still in the same spot I've always been wondering when my life will start. I don't regret my decisions, I just wish I had more that were mine. I wish people understood how much I lost.

I used to be much more optimistic, but somewhere along the line I just became cold and pessimistic- I don't really know when I changed, I was just different one day and never went back to who I was. I think maybe when people are hurt and have no one, they often just push everything down and make themselves feel nothing at all.

I tried to just push everything down and make it all go away, but it doesn't work like that. Things just build and build, like a tidal wave getting stronger and stronger, pulling everything into the current and down under.

Pretending things aren't there, makes them worse.

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[wordiestwyrm]

random fuckin' musings of a mildly deranged collection of lil guys

i feel like most people need to,,, become okay, a lot more okay than we are (including myself in that. tho tbh we have somewhat gotten good at this) with being kind of shit at being a social person.

and i don't mean just- okay at being awkward, or okay with being anxious, or kinda weird. i mean, okay at being harmful. okay with the fact their actions, on a long enough timescale, WILL probably upset someone for Legitamate Reasons. okay with being kind of an ass sometimes.

and i know. doesn't that- sound like a pass to just be a piece of shit, to you?

not really. in fact, i would say this is what could help a lot of people correct and learn from the shitty behaviour they're already doing. to recognise 'shitty/harmful behaviour' is not just a Thing isolated to any class of person, not a thing that pegs you as uniquely Evil or leaves a permanent moral mark.

'cause like,,, to my mind, a lot of people are so Focused on not being The Bad Thing, they refuse to listen when they participate in The Bad Actions- because i'm not a racist, because i'm not ableist, because i'm not queerphobic, because i'm not intersexist- we're all, just, constantly, consistently, in a worldwide competition to be the least problematic bitch in town.

and that's just the broad, societal shits, that don't necessarily mean much on a personal scale for many of the people being bitches about them.

(venty rant starts under the cut lmaooo we were trying to make a broad statement about all people and then realised. oop babes this is just your own miserable life)

and sure! sure, the main example of people who proclaim their various misdeeds are people who don't think of them as misdeeds at all, and that must be a scary thought- to turn into someone like that. but,,, from my observation, including in my personal life, the people who Refuse to see any action they have taken as Bad, the people who start to go off about their good intentions or are too focused on being good, on doing good and being a good person and so on and so forth, are typically the most insufferable when they harm me.

and i feel kind of insane, in my personal life, because by GOD do i feel harmed, and it's so confusing when the person who harmed you starts to either go off about how hard they have been trying (with a subtle flavour of 'you're not being grateful enough' running as constant aftertaste), or start to get insanely self-depricating, to imply they just can't do better,,, or both.

where 'goodness' is the only resource that matters, where it is only valuable when it is 'pure', no fucking progress can be done, is my point. and we've been untangling all this for years, and i think i know why, every time we meet a new person as of late, with a bit of due time, we get disappointed that they aren't really like us beyond surface level.

because anecdotally, in our lives, no one takes the time to dig through their own brain cupboards to check for red flags.

And it's exhausting, constantly rummaging the chests and barrels of our psyche to find how things we do could be harmful- yes, to a maladaptive degree, i never said we were a paragon of mental health. It is exhausting, when that effort isn't met with barebones reciprocation. It makes me go balls to wall banana pudding, when I make an effort, again and again, to say 'this doesn't define you, you can change, I won't hold it against you' to every last person who hurts me, who says my pain isn't real, who pushes me, who doesn't seem to see me as an individual, when I bring up harmful things we have done, over and over and over, when I constantly have to be the one apologising and catching mistakes and noticing shitty patterns, and the people around me won't even help me break them.

(like bitch, i get ur drowning in ur own guilt, but please, for the love of god, assert urself when we get caught in a loop of angry ramblin' for the thousandth time this week??? i keep sayin', we have hairthin triggers, we really struggle to shut up once we start goin' off, bein' told to stop will make us stop, we learned that lesson, fucks sake why do i have to do everythin' around here-)

and- and it's our fault, innit. it's our fuckin fault for not bein able to essplain well enough, for not bein over it enough, for reinforcin these patterns with our fuckin, therapist-friend mode, for thinkin sooo highly of ourselves, for puttin ourselves repeatedly in positions of power over others, but FUCK, when we try to treat ppl like equals we always go too fast an haveta Catch It, when we treat 'em like an authority we real quick go into Programmed Inferior space, an yes, we are traumatised, we are toxic as fuck, we have no experience with bein equal to no one-

ough. well, maybe we used to. ideologically, we dont think we are Inherently Better or Inherently Worse than anyone else, as much as we can keep that balance. we do feel, deeply, like we are prolly a worse person socially speakin than many of the people that hurt us, cause we often cannot be polite an genuine at the same time, 'cause we,,, fuck

truth is, it does feel like trauma gave us superpowers. all our close friends have, for almost a year now, been tellin' us we're scary perceptive. tellin' us, we always know what to say to make it better, directly an indirectly.

truth is, hearin 'always try to do ur best' sounds like a fuckin order to skin ourselves alive no matter the 'depending on where you are physically and mentally :3' stipulations, 'cause i bet if there was good enough cause, we physically could.

truth is, it feels like we are a mile ahead in trauma recovery, an we are drownin in a lake no one else has gotten to yet.

truth is, i keep wishin this wasn't true, that we could get help, that it was easy, to find someone who will be more- or at least around- as perceptive as us, who will care, who will be genuinely interested in the thins we do an impressed by the thins we make, who will love us an guide us an, just, be good instead of actively harmful. truth is, such a person would likely have to be a famed trauma therapist who takes a million for a session, or else a find so lucky i frankly dont think 'needle in a haystack' covers it.

truth is, it aint that i cant imagine ever bein happy, if we were friends with someone too much like us.

its that, when i try, the pain of the impossible becomes too much to bear too fuckin quickly, an the guilt of seein myself as so fuckin above everyone else smothers any leftover comfort.

this is why, of late, our go-to phrases became 'don't let perfect being the enemy of good' and 'i hope someone kills me with rocks.' if you even care

[mortilith-parade]

Dear internet diary

It's been awhile since I've done this. Just write how I feel with no real plan or goal. A fucking vomit shit storm of the mess that's happening in my head. Last time I did this I was 16 I think. I think I started out trying to write a suicide note before it turned into a angry storm of everything that is happening in my head.

I look back on life. I'm 23 now. Weird I somehow never thought I would make it but also thought 23 was achievable at the same time. I am in debt. So much debt for a degrees that are either useless or are looked down upon and spat on by not only people but the government when they decide how much they should pay me.

I look at world and once I thought that we could change it. Turn it around and make positive changes if we all just worked from the bottom up. But now I can barely afford to live. Butter is 5 bucks. I've been living on plain crackers and instant noodles and even then I feel selfish to complain cause I know there's people worse off.

Statistically if we just look at historical trends everything that is happening is over due. But by saying that shouldn't we as a society learnt by now to to prevent such things from happening again. I try to distract myself with pointless videos of cats or I try to drown out my own screaming thoughts with robotic Reddit videos but that never works. A video that smashes me back into reality will always pop back up on my feed.

I'm aware how selfish I am. How selfish I am becoming. I am pushing away those that I love with it. I'm also holding on to people I know don't care about me, or treat me well because I am afraid to be alone. I don't want to kill myself. I am confident of that. However I also feel like I wouldn't be upset if one day I just didn't wake up. I don't want to die but I find myself relying on old self harm replacement tips that I used to do on loop as a teen. Eating sour candy till my brain goes tingly, scrubbing on my hand, counting back from 100.

Im 23 shouldn't I be happy. Or if not happy at least content. Shouldn't I be able to at least fake it till I make it. I know people don't like me, and this isn't some depression paranoia. I know. I've heard it. I'm not so delusional that I don't see the looks between people when I say something, or the laughter when I leave. However as I write this I am just realising that it does sound like God damn paranoia.

Fuck. Maybe I am.

Five years of being in this town that I honestly hate and I don't have anything to show for it. Nothing. Except having to stay here for god knows how much longer. I was asked why I get so angry recently. My brain just skittered and shook with different flashes of reasons.

The fact that I hate the direction of my country

The fact money, or rather the lack of has made me turn down a once and a lifetime dream opportunity

The fact the man who assaulted me still walks around town

And the fact his face still makes me break down into a panic attack

The fact I don't really trust anyone to be honest with

I couldn't respond to them. I think I laughed it off but then I got home and had to cover my mirror.

I used to end these ranting posts with a quote. But I used to read for fun more back then. Instead I will just end it as the words stop pouring out .