#i don't know why the screenshots are so big i have no control over my actions

[jillvalentine]

re: my relationship with my abuser, currently @/gwendaria (part one?)

[edit: new usernames + accounts since this post has been made: scarymovies, walkingdeads, samcarpenters, the-mummy]

My abusive ex has unfortunately been going full-on with the latest DARVO / smear campaign, and this time it seems to have reached a few people. These callouts are made-up, and they've been popping up continuously in different forms since early 2021 in an attempt to silence or smear me, regardless of their inconsistencies. One second I'm an emotionally abusive gaslighter who they've finally been freed from. The next, I'm someone they don't even know about. The next... I'm a renown stalker. The next... I'm a random girl who got romantically obsessed with them and turned into a terf when I got rejected. The neeeext... I'm a terf stalker racist? Okay! I don't even know anymore. There's definitely more.

I mostly want to focus on the facts. The facts are that I've shared about my experiences enough that I shouldn't have to entertain stupid shit anymore. There will always be the next narrative, more scandalous than the last. Going forward, I just want to make the evidence more accessible so that anyone can find it.

I still have all of our texts, discord logs, whatsapp logs, voicemails, facebook messages, hundreds of screenshots from me and from others (onlookers & other people who have been harmed), and I've become friends with people who have also been friends with or intimate with this person and came out from the other side (some are public and others aren't, because, hey! Look what happened to me after I came out. I have been stalked almost on the hourly for about 4 years now, and I know it won't stop, because I know exactly who my abuser is.)

About 3 years have passed now, so a lot of the 'big' conversations or screenshots I shared earlier on when I spoke out about what had happened to me have been buried in time. (but they are, still there.)

Screenshots where they ragged on and on about my friends, about me being naïve and that I'd know better when I was "a real adult" like them, telling me to drop dead, telling me about slitting their wrists, telling me that someone was messaging them about 'cumming on my face' after I posted (1) selfie. Blocking me everywhere for a bit over that selfie. Unblocking me. Yelling at me. Blocking and unblocking me again because I said something about how they were being awful to me. Rinse and repeat with the next insane shit.

This was during covid lockdown, and it was 24/7. I couldn't fucking breathe. I got questioned about going to the supermarket with my mom. I got mindfucked for not explicitly saying I was back home when I said I was getting the mail, under the guise of caring so much about me, of course.

One time, I sent a snap of these leggings I liked online. Because the photo sent as a file instead of a normal-full-screen-just-taken snap, it became a whole argument of "Did you share this with anyone else?" and I would be like... what would be wrong if I did? Why is it wrong for me to send a photo of some leggings I think look good to a friend to get her opinion? A lot of conflict happened this way. They were incredibly controlling and suffocating, all under the claims of past trauma, undiagnosed mental illness, and most of all - flowery apologies or proclamations.

I used to think I was able to push through anything that happened because they would apologize to me, and it made it okay again. I genuinely thought they just needed someone to give them a chance to heal and get better, or get back to how they used to be early on in the relationship. I wanted to be that someone, I wanted to be strong enough to take all of it and be okay at the end. It gradually got worse, and I found myself trapped in the relationship. Anytime I was close to getting away, I would get drawn back with push-and-pull manipulation tactics. If I had pulled away to recover from their mistreatment, I was then the one apologizing for having had to pull away, and how bad that pulling away had affected them. How awful I was and how much I regretted being affected by anything. I would blame anything else (it wasn't you, it was my own anxiety) to make things calm down.

I didn't see any of this coming from the start. It was a gradual process. Near the end, I was googling things about how to fix toxic relationships (it didn't work because the relationship wasn't a two-way street, it was abusive), trying to think for 5 different people to avoid outbursts, trying to explain away how someone might gaslight and manipulate others without it being fully conscious and intended. I found out it was 100% intentional when I got out. They were telling others that I was doing to them what they were doing to me, along with a bunch of other bullshit to pre-emptively plant seeds.

Gwen frequently tries to use the worst buzz words to create stories and alienate people from one another. She doesn't care about any social issues. What she likes or dislikes is entirely based on what she needs to get out of a situation. If someone she's fixating on positively likes xyz thing, she likes it too. If someone she's fixating on negatively likes or dislikes something, she'll do the opposite. She constantly invented stories and tried to frame people I'd known for years, or anyone who dared to interact with my posts anywhere. She literally impersonated people and had accounts hacked. All she does is obsess over people. She constantly monitored me and created conflict over anything, real or made up. She especially liked to create conflict when it was late, or when I was otherwise not-fully-there, like when I was drugged following a surgery. I was so out-of-it that at that point I didn't want to fight for myself or others anymore.

Near the end of the relationship, I had a private account that I would hide on because social media, and really anything social, had become a minefield. Multiple people had witnessed the change from before the relationship, the start of it, up to the end. I deactivated my main twitter for a period of time (although I was careful enough to reactivate it once every 30 days so it wouldn't be permanently lost) and had to ignore people, stop myself from posting or liking things, and plead with people not to mention anything about me because I would have to answer for it. Multiple people remember me asking them to delete certain posts, or just be careful not to give out that I was doing anything with them. I was abnormal and an immature adult for wanting to spend a bit of time with or buy a gift for my friend on their birthday. We had an age gap, and at first, it was all "you're probably more mature than me :)" - until it turned to Real Adults Don't Spend Time With Friends, lol. Real adults are 100% focused on their partner. Real adults aren't on social media, and other thinly-veiled degradation + mindfuckery. Funny how my age became a bad thing, but they were the experienced 29-year-old who knowingly pursued the inexperienced 23-year-old.

Near the end of the relationship, I was starting to hide away to spend more time with people who treated me well, and it helped me get out. I saw that the way I felt every day wasn't normal. It reminded me of what good relationships are like and what they feel like. My friends tried their best to be supportive, but it was very difficult because my partner was trying very hard to isolate me from them through threats, aggression and manipulation. I'm incredibly lucky that they stayed by my side and told me that what was happening wasn't normal.

Getting out was hard. Staying out was hard. Even after everything that happened, following the split, I told my friends I didn't know what I would do if they tried to get me back again. SO fucking glad that's over.

[fullmetal-scar-simping]

I really think father and hohenheim should have been the same character? I mean, father is such a bland villain. Maybe I just haven't looked enough but I haven't seen even the most hardcore bh fans talk about him? It's all just about how ed punched god or whatever. No one's actually interested in the guy himself. I can think of several ways them being the same person would make it a lot more interesting, at least to me. I mean, first of all ed and al having to fight their own shitty father is some delicious angst. Second I really like the mad scientist type character and that's what hoho would be in that scenario. Third I think it would be fun to analyse the "sins" he took out of himself if he was a human to begin with. Ohh and come to think of it, it would go really well with Ed's whole "alchemists are the closest things to God yadda yadda" speech in the beginning wouldn't it? Honestly I can't think of any reason why they had to be different people at all...Ah, except how can I forget. Arakawa's writing this. Of course they have to be two different people. One who actually did all the wrong things and the loving father and husband who's going around trying to make everything right(nevermind that he left Trisha to care for their 4-5 yos all alone with no support. Nuh uh he's perfect) If she held the fact that the two can in fact be the same person it might just explode her world. I'm rolling my eyes.

Father and Hohenheim as the same character? Who is a mad scientist? Who as a result reimburses Ed's pompous "Alchemists are the closest things to god"? Blends aspects of being an unforgivable monster with having loved his family? I've got your guy!

🎉Hohenheim of Light!🎉

Oh sure, he's not the final big bad that the Elric bros have to fight, and sure he's more of a retired villain who's mildly penitent for his centuries of bloodshed, rather than continuing to enact widespread destruction. But we do get to see the results of all his transgressions against humanity and his own first son too! So, 🎉 ta-da! 🎉

To actually address your ask:

Besides what 03 had already done, for awhile I actually thought Father WAS Hohenheim in Brotherhood.

To clarify: I avoided the online fandom from 2009 onward in order to prevent getting spoiled for the (at the time) new fma adaptation. I kept putting off watching it for well over a decade (lol), and for no other reason then a combo of 1) not being in the mood for more fma, and 2) when I was, I would immediately run right back to fma 03 without fail, and then be so thoroughly satisfied with revisiting a long time fave that I just. Would put off watching Broho for another time.

Still, being online in any capacity meant that every once in awhile I was unavoidably being exposed to the odd screenshot, text post, and fanart. No big deal, nothing really spoiled anything heavily enough for me to know the full story, and I could easily scroll away before making sense out of anything.

But I did one day stumble into a screenshot of Father glowering in his underground throne. And here I thought "Oh shit! Hohenheim is actually in full villain mode this time around?! We're going to actually explore the mass annihilation he commits for philosopher stones and how his sons will have to contend with their own father. This will surely dig even deeper into Ed and Al's heel turn against the military, and what alchemy means as a method of power and control. Man, this is gonna fuck!"

lol

lmao even

So to my now endless disappointment I finally watched Brotherhood this last spring. And although I surprisingly liked* this affable, bumbling, rather tragic version of Hohenheim (which stumps me, given my initial assumption for Brotherhood AND being a long time Hohenheim of Light enjoyer) (I still like Hoho of Light more tho), Father was such a fucking let down on every front.

*Don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming Von Hohenheim didn't do wrong against Trisha and his kids. As much as he had to build the anti-circle around Amestris, it doesn't erase the fact that Trisha had to shoulder the full burden of raising their kids, and child Ed's sense of abandonment and outrage against him is highly warranted.

Even keeping Father as a homunculus that duplicates Hohenheim's appearance, he still could have been an interesting character and villain. But every step of the way he was just the obvious big bad mostly relegated to the background, stored away except for a few key encounters and flashbacks. He was paper thin, an easy excuse for why the core ills of Amestris are all his exclusive fault, and conveniently the canon has an in-baked reason for why he has the personality and stage presence of cardboard. Woo. hoo.

God the lore and function of homunculi blows in mangahood. At the very least make me actually feel like they are parts of this once former-cyclops in a bottle! And still make Father an actually compelling character! In fact the other homunculi could have potentially been an effective vehicle for that, but noooooo-

Honestly, I agree. It would have been so much more affecting for Hohenheim and Father to be one, singular character. Of course much of his backstory would have to change, but that's not a loss in my hater's opinion. The implications for the Elrics, for their paradigms to be entirely torn asunder and have to be rebuilt in order to survive and make sense out of their position in Amestris, it would have been juicy.

You're right, I have seen next to no deeper interest or investment into Father as a character and as a narrative device from hardcore fans either. I'm sure it does exist, given Brotherhood's immense popularity, but damn if we can be forgiven for getting the impression that most fans just don't give a rat's unseasoned ass. I see more posts and fanart for Von Hohenheim than I do Father lol

Mangahood simply can't have (or actually address) any truly murky topics, or depict messy and complex characterization, if it doesn't ultimately shine the brightest, most admirable, most absolving light on our protags as possible. So why would Von Hohenheim have anything to do with Father besides having been his victim?

We remain starved by the emaciated, sorry excuse for 'pathos' that is Father's whole deal. What a shame.

[irish-urn]

Hey, I just found out that there was a mini lfd fandom on here and I immediately binged all your fanfic! I've seen you mention stuff about the costume dept that worked on the show maybe playing into Dasey, could you maybe expand on that because I'd love to hear your thoughts. <3

HIIIII. Welcome to our little corner of the internet! We are indeed active and (if you're a dasey shipper), we even have a discord where we yammer at each other, so, uh let me know if you're interested in that so I can direct you to the appropriate inviting parties.

(also, if you ever wanna talk about my stories, I am a needy gremlin)

First of all, this is probably gonna be long because despite my English degree, I am a rambler of the highest order (you can tell because my fics are all suuuuuper long). Secondly, I don't have any screenshots to share, so I'll try to be as descriptive as possible, because I genuinely don't have the time to go back and get screenshots (sorry y'all). Thirdly, I AM still in the midst of re-watching the showing all the way through, so all my examples are gonna be from the first half -- BUT DON'T WORRY, I'LL KEEP NOTICING THEM AS I GO -- and fourthly: I wanna talk a little bit about WHY I notice costume choices.

So, I am not a fashion guru or someone who keeps up on trends BUT I am someone who was taught that, as a writer, showing is better than telling. How does a TV show or movie show us things about a character? Costumes are a major part; and I've watched enough behind-the-scenes and read some ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING costume meta from other fandoms, that I think it's fair to say that costumes are speaking VOLUMES. There are whole posts (from, again, other fandoms) on colour theory and I'll touch on that a fair bit; or we could simply talk about how well the clothes sit on the person probably says a lot about how they either view themselves OR want others to view them.

For instance: as a general rule, Casey's clothes are (1) far more form-fitting than Derek's; and (2) overall far more 'put together as a whole' than Derek's. Now, we can be cynical and attribute that to capitalism and sex selling (although Michael Seater is an attractive dude and I wouldn't have been put off by a shirt showing off his arms); OR we could look at it and say: What does this say about Casey and Derek?

Well, we COULD say that it means that Casey is far more comfortable with herself than Derek is. Derek's clothes are far looser, and he often wears layers (jackets over shirts or one shirt over another shirt). Now, partially this was the fashion of the time, but ignore that for a second: this means that Derek is HIDING parts of himself from the world. He's covering himself in literal and figurative layers so that people don't see him naked and vulnerable. Casey, for all that she's clumsy and a nerd and sees herself as not being popular, is also very clearly HERSELF. She loudly proclaims injustices; she runs for class president; she goes up against a bully to protect her stepbrother even though her boyfriend asks her not to... You see where I'm going with this? Derek pretends he doesn't have feelings and bottles them all inside, when we know from watching him in his private moments, that he actually has BIG feelings and a soft, gooey heart.

Take this one step further: what does this mean about how they want to be perceived by others: Casey wants people to believe that she has everything under control. Her hair is done (always way better than anything I did in high school), her outfits match, her nails are done: she might be a keener and a nerd, but she's an EFFECTIVE and PREPARED nerd. Maybe her personality is a turn-off for some, but she can still give a good first impression. Now, for Derek, let's spin back around to my first point: layers were in fashion in the mid-2000s. Derek dresses according to the current trends because he wants to be popular. He also has a certain reputation of being cool, calm, in control, not working too hard, being chill, everything's all good with the V-man. So he dresses 'casually', with his clothes often looking like he just pulled them on. No ironing for Derek!

Also, on another character note before we get into Dasey — Casey dresses very feminine. She wears a lot of skirts and dresses, and when she doesn't, her jeans are often low-rise (again, the style at that time) and her shirts are form-fitting but not too sexy. She's conservative, but still fun underneath the ironed clothes. Casey also wears layers, but those are a lot less noticeable than Derek's, and not quite as often -- that's because Casey is ALSO hiding things; our girl is big on denial. However, because she's our narrator, it's not something they like to draw attention to. She's supposed to be reliable.

(she's not a reliable narrator, fyi).

SO LET'S TALK ABOUT DASEY.

(if this isn't what you wanted, I'm so so sorry)

The first and most consistent impression we get of Derek and Casey is from the theme song and the Genora wedding pictures -- and their outfits demonstrate what I'm talking about above almost perfectly. Casey is wearing a pink dress, very feminine; Derek is wearing a black blazer and a blue dress shirt. (Casey wears a LOT of pink in the show, btw; just a comment on her character). This establishes their characters: see everything I said above -- Derek doesn't wear a tie because he's LOOSE, ya see? -- but also has them in opposite BUT COMPLIMENTARY colours. We see pink vs black and blue and think, Ah, okay, these two are opposites. They're probably gonna fight. And that's true! But they also look really good next to each other! Lots of people, for a good WOW factor, will match pink with black, or blues with pinks. Also to note: Derek's blue shirt is very bright -- it would be easy for them to have him all in dark colours to give us the impression that they are VERY opposite; but they don't. They give him a bright colour TO MATCH her bright colour.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

I've also been noticing things like Casey dressing very similarly to girls Derek declares as "hot" -- see Sandra in Marti the Monster -- and in Venturian Candidate, Derek imagines Casey as a sexy personal assistant. She also is a cheerleader at some point -- and we know that that would drive Derek insane.

Let's also take a moment and return to that pink dress Casey wore to Genora's wedding; when do we see it in the show? When she loans it to Vicki. What happens when Vicki is wearing that dress? Derek makes out with her.

THEY DID NOT HAVE TO DO THIS. Derek could have made out with Vicki when she was wearing ANYTHING else (like the black and white dress she originally has for the wedding and would be a way to show how DIFFERENT she really is from Casey). But they purposely point out that Vicki looks like Casey, Derek calls her a "total babe", and then when Casey very pointedly states aloud that she can loan Vicki a dress, the ONLY time we see Vicki wearing it is when her mouth is attached to Derek's.

FURTHERMORE: why does Casey insist they DRESS up for their presentation on Percy and Mary Shelley (who are married!!! who. are. MARRIED)??? Sometimes they have Derek and Casey wearing similar styles; I think there was an episode where they were both wearing stripes, but in different directions? But, still: there are HUNDREDS of shirts they could have chosen!!! But they keep finding ones that say: "See!! We're opposites, but connected!"

For a final note, I did find this image:

The famed "same difference" scene.

Please note that Derek and Casey are wearing green and purple respectively. Now, green and purple are considered complementary colours (gasp!), because they are on opposite sides of the colour wheel (gasp!!). But, depending on the shades of green and purple and how they're placed together, green and purple work really really well aesthetically. (Also, interestingly enough when I looked at colour theory, green is supposed to be a healing, stabilizing colour while purple is ambitious and creative. Not really important for this moment, but I think says volumes about the characters themselves.)

Also: they are both in a single layer. Derek has his sleeves rolled up -- actually showing skin!! He's being vulnerable purposely!! Casey has her hair tied back but it's falling out and around her face -- she's very casual and herself in this scene BUT ALSO this lets her hide behind some of her hair if she needs to. Metaphorically, she does. It's not a lot of hair, and Derek sees right through her, but it's enough of a barrier to make a point, and a few seconds after this image above, Derek backs off and retreats into himself.

I could go on, but this is long enough and I'm sure as I continue my (very slow) re-watch of the show, I'll find more things that make me scream. But yeah: the costume department knew what they were doing. There's a reason a lot of us ship Dasey.

[surr3al1sm]

Guys I watched the previews and will now be sharing my thoughts alongside sitty ass screenshots I took, also this probably won't be explained well but when are my posts ever explained well.

Okay first of all, I'm going to be looking at what we're all looking at right now: Murder on the Dancefloor. Starting with that this is an actual banger song choice and I am pleased that it is coming to the game even if it is under... those implications. I really do hope that they're not going down that path and like idk maybe the song starts out with this. Then young Night Swan realises that she's infinetly hotter than the Traveller and just dips. Or maybe she's just using him for his magic idk.

Looking at scene 2 first. Their dance is like just any other duo dance in the game, you could put any two coaches in it and like it wouldn't mean anything. What they're doing after is intresting to me.

Right here the Traveler is showing young Night Swan a portal. Now based on the fact she looks at it, it might be the first portal she's ever seen for all we know. I imagine that the Traveler did probably teach her how to make portals. I really do hope that they just had a mentor/student relationship where the student turns against the mentor and goes evil. Yk that trope, please ubisoft have it be that. I would also take a second to look at the portal because the first image is the portal in MotD and the second is a few of the portals in RYB

The colour doesn't seem to matter with the Traveler as his portals are notibly multicoloured (but I will point out that it's the same colour as Night Swans portals) but the big difference is the shape. In RYB the Travelers portals are recktangles and they open through a very streamlined triangle shape. The portal in MotD is circular and irregular, also it opens differently. Which tells me that in MotD the Traveler is also very young and maybe doesn't really have great control of his magic yet. Meaning they might be sztudents under the same master but the Traveler has just learned portals faster. Over all I think this scene is pretty innocent and indicates that they had like a friend(ly) to rival relationship.

However the problem child is the first little scene we get, and I'm not talking about this.

This just seems like a normal handshake to me. Their hands arent glowing, indicating that no baby making is happening (and if there is, dear GOD let it be Cygnus and not Jack). What I want to look at is how the scene starts. Because hello?? Why is this overlooked??

Why are you two waltzing? Now I know that waltz doesn't have to mean it's romantic, and trust I am hoping it doesn't. BUT what. Why? Respectfully fuck off Ubisoft. This better not fucking mean what I think it means. Istg I will come to Paris and throw hands.

Ignoring that, I could be wrong on every account and I'm just going to wait until the maps have officially been released to I can watch them and figure out what is going on. For now we must simply pray that if they do end up together and procreating that the result of that was our beloved steampunk boy and not Jack. Please don't ruin our ship for us Just Dance, for it is all we have.

ANYWAYS, that aside I am so fucking excited for Darkest Hour. Night Swan looks so good and the map be looking hella cool.

Well, another long one. If you've made it this far, thank you for listening. I would like to take a second to highlight this wonderful comment left on the youtube video as it had me laughing after taking these screenshots

[sassydefendorflower]

For some time now I've harbored the suspicion that Ao3 and fandom in general is pretty anti-abortion. Not in a conscious, malicious way - hell no. I think it is an unconscious thing, something that sneaks into a lot of fiction in a way that isn't actively harmful, but has an accumulative effect.

And i get it.

Fanfic and fandom are escapism. They are there to present happy stories and happy endings, big What-ifs and endless coffee-shop AUs. It is easy to imagine these worlds as perfect enough that no one needs to have an abortion because only people who want children only ever get pregnant.

And on an individual level that is absolutely fine. Nobody has to deal with topics that make them personally uncomfortable, or deal with delicate discussions such as this in their free time entertainment. It's just...

A world without abortion isn't a happy one for everyone. Partially because it is a human right that is being threatened all over the world by conservative governments who want to take away the bodily autonomy to have one. And since such is the state of the world, there should be a room in fiction to explore the implications of this. The horror of some government having this kind of control over your body, but also the fantasy of a support system that is there for you should the need for an abortion arise.

Why am I typing all this? Because I just got a lot of hate on one of my fics dealing with abortion. And I think it is a symptom of a larger problem.

[ID: screenshot of an anon Ao3 comment saying: "Why do you worthless,brainless feminists try to tarnish this perfect stor y with your feminist baby murder propoganda? Why do you try to project your brainwashed,indoctrinated whore behaviour on characters as great as Edward and Winry? An abortion is NOT your decision. It is NOT your body and no amount of feminist screaming will change that. It is the fathers child too and your opinion is irrelevant. Abortion is murder, that's a fact. And no, I'm not religious. This entire story and your propoganda is utter TRASH. Rejected."]

[ID: another screenshot, also from anon: "NOT her body,NOT her choice. Different human being altogether. Keep wishing. Men will fully stop this practice of infanticide." Posted: 2023-06-18 05:09:47 UTC]

[ID: a third anon message that reads: Anonymous responded: "NOT her body,NOT her choice. That's a different, innocent human being altogether. And Ed is a strong,free man with a working brain. He's not your idea of "supportive husband" (aka spineless beta) who will support infanticide. This is not Edward and mlst definitely not Winry. She knows the value of life and exactly how hollow abortion arguments are. It is NOT a womans choice ever. NOBODY gets to decide to murder an innocent baby." Posted: 2023-06-18 05:08:24 UTC]

The fact that you should never send someone these kind of messages non-withstanding, this showcases a lack of respect and understanding that is simply baffling. There is so much hate in these comments. So much ire at women and people capable of having children in these words... it's frightening.

And I don't want to lock these stories behind moderated comments and limited access, because let me tell you something... these stories are for the people who need them most, the people who need positive and loving stories about making a hard choice and sticking with it. And often these people will only tell me about their own journey, their own struggle while on Anon themselves. And looking at the kind of response I've garnered... for a good reason.

Because it still isn't safe to openly talk about abortion.

Apparently not even on a website like ao3, which is generally assumed to be pretty liberal considering the general nature of online fandom.

Abortion is still seen as a taboo topic - in fiction and in real life. And this fear of openly discussing abortion makes people who visibly do vulnerable for attack. Be it authors like me who want to explore the bodily autonomy inherit in a fight for abortion, or the women and people who've had an abortion and are still frightened to talk about it.

If writing fiction dealing with abortion has taught me anything--- it's that people need and WANT these stories. Because no one else is writing them, but I really think some of us should.

The perfect world in which no one needs an abortion is useless, if people in the real world get hate mail for contemplating having one.

The next time your character has an unwanted pregnancy or is already surrounded by six kids or is very focused on wanting success and a career... think about why abortion isn't an option in your story.

Is it because it wouldn't make sense in your perfect fantasy? Is it because actually wanting kids is very inherent to this character? Or is it because deep down some part of you still thinks that having an abortion is some sort of sin?

It's no moral judgement I am making here - but you can only deal with an unconscious bias by examining it.

[dekarios]

genuinely interested in knowing more about your ocs! I am waiting with interest for that link on your pinned post to go live!

WELL I GOT NEWS FOR YOUUUUUU

afhiri's page already exists on this blog! it's right here. :3c I WOULD LIKE TO EDIT IT A BIT cuz some things have changed a little and been expanded on a little however...

for my other ocs you can hop straight back to my old blog's oc page right here. this one also includes their commissioned lil chibi heads heheheheh not everyone has their own page .. unfortunately. and only afhiri's is finished. and it's the same as the one moved to this blog i think... candor, amity and eden have some parts filled out. cirok too i think. i'm just kind of lazy ok. and my chronic pain puts me off cuz it's in my arms. BUT WE MAKE DO!

here's one/two different pages that are wip for my morrowind ocs. they didn't get on any of the big pages. i don't know. they fit in at weird times i wasn't even on tumblr really when i made them. yes they have tumblr pages that contradict this shhhhhhhh. i actually mentioned dreyla a bit in my morrowind screenshots i posted recently. she's also in the gifset i made uwu

now.. if we wanna go even further........... i have other more filled out oc pages with custom themes with a WHOLE LIST of ocs that i have not touched or developed in a long time, but some of them are my most explored and fleshed out ocs. like afhiri is not my only babie. some are just old now.

so if we go back to my oldest blog (it's not but for all you guys know. it is) and go to the oc page there.... you are gonna see A LOT of characters. there are no pages. unfortunately. it was also not finished. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!

THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! is a link to an oc page on an even older blog!!!! see i lied. none of yall knew me on this blog. i have never shared it before. i am feeling like sharing it now for some reason. this is my most "complete" oc page ever. i worked on it all the time for months. it's barely a thing for how long i worked on it. the ONLY character here with more info is my darling faire. you can view it by clicking her Box. but even then! it's not much.

i focused way too much on aesthetic over filling out information in these old pages you'll notice. nowadays i like filling out information like it's a wiki page. but i just struggle to write as much as i need... i get tired man.

this got long. if u ever wanna ask about an oc u can. i got. i got guys man. in my head. and idk. thinking about sharing them again is almost difficult. i dunno why. not cuz i'm shy or anything. not cuz i'm scared to be open about it cuz i don't wanna be judged or nothing. i'm just kind of lazy and tired or something idk. it's a lot of effort to make pages and fill them out. i am a busy bitch. i wanna play a video game or read a book or write a fanfic or watch a movie. i am not the same person i was when i could spend WEEKS nonstop doing this stuff. maybe one day i will get a kick and this new oc page will come to life.... but no idea when.

might add control and ghost bird to it and claim them as mine even though they're canon characters in the southern reach. they're mine now actually sorry jeff

[inkblackorchid]

I was gonna try to keep my mouth shut, but I can't. I just can't. I have to go on another Aki rant because I feel like I'm going to explode. It's about this scene:

This drives me insane and I'm putting this under a readmore. Expect incoherent screaming, all ye who enter here.

Ok. Ok. I have so many issues with this scene. Specifically, with the way it develops later, when Aki's busy trying to figure out how to save a child from being swept up by a storm:

And I just. Look, I think the fact that I already wrote a fic that basically completely turns Aki's reaction here on its head should basically tell you everything. But! But. Allow me to defend why I think this whole scene is one big heap of horseshit, with a bit of analysis of canon and actual evidence to back up my claims and shit.

The thing is, I have seen people give this scene a charitable read. I've seen people be happy for Aki to enjoy freedom from the psychic powers that have given her so much trouble in her life. And the thing is, if this were season one or season two Aki, I would be completely on board with that take. Unfortunately, this scene is preceded by the pre-WRGP arc. But more on that below.

Moreover, I can make an educated guess about what they were going for here (in terms of messaging, because this is a kids' show at the end of the day and messaging is something you have to be properly concerned with when it comes to these). I can imagine it running somewhere along the lines of "you don't need special powers to be a hero". Or even "you can grow past the hurt and/or the mistakes in your life and still become a good person or even a hero". And really, I wish I could believe that take. It's just. The writing simply doesn't add up. I wish it did, but it doesn't.

This is where we get back to the pre-WRGP arc. And not just that, actually, but the timeskip between the dark signers and pre-WRGP arc, too. Because the thing is, the last time we have seen Aki in anguish about her powers on-screen by the time the episodes above (108-109) arrive was during the DS arc, during the duel with her father, which happened during episodes 40-41. 40. to. 41. This was over sixty episodes ago at this point. And after that, that's it. As far as the DS arc is concerned, Aki's conflict about her powers is resolved the second she controls them for the first time when her father tries to interfere in her second duel against Yusei.

(Yeah, remember this moment? That was literally the last time we saw Aki in conflict with her powers.)

And I know some people would argue "but what about the dark signer duel with Misty?". And yes, I get it. Misty does accuse her of having murdered her brother with her powers and Aki gets incredibly (understandably) upset about it. But the thing is, we know that's fake, and during the duel, Aki knows that, too. She goes as far as insisting that there were no casualties at the duel where Misty thinks Toby died.

(Yes, I have screenshot proof for literally every dumb little thing in this show, why do you ask?)

It's only after Misty keeps pushing and backing her into a corner during their duel (and literally gaslighting her) that she begins to believe Misty's version of the events. Which is why this doesn't "count" as Aki being in conflict with her powers the way her second duel with Yusei does. At least not to me, feel free to debate me over this if you wanna.

Okay, but what am I driving at here? Fair question. Let me hop back to after the dark signers' defeat.

So, we know there's a half-year timeskip between the DS and the pre-WRGP arc (which was allegedly enough for NDC to connect the city and Satellite, deal with all the social issues that entailed, and also build a giant duel network, which I will never believe but I digress). Unfortunately, what exactly our main characters did during that timeskip is never addressed, it's just kind of there to segway immediately into the WRGP setup. So the only thing we can do is guess at what they got up to based on where they are as people by the time we get back to them during the start of the pre-WRGP arc. So where's Aki at when we see her again after the dark signers' defeat then?

Oh, she's attending duel academy again now! That's nice. So that probably means the student body isn't scared shitless of her anymore and she's not being ostracised anymore.

Wow, she's an exceptional student! That means she must be a really good duellist. So she got the hang of her powers, then?

...Ah.

Do you start to see my problem? Past the DS arc, we are not being given any indication that Aki is still struggling with her powers or still resents them or herself like she used to. You could be forgiven for thinking that she's healed in the meantime. She's fine. She has accepted herself and can now use her powers safely. Which makes her later claiming "she no longer needs that cursed power" a bit... hmmm. And another thing. The fact that she refers to it as "cursed" rubs me the wrong way. After the defeat of the dark signers, she literally never does that even a single time before the moment in the hospital during the storm. (I'd post all the screenshots to prove it here but for one, tumblr doesn't allow it, and for two, I hope you'll believe I did my due diligence without it.)

And it just irks me. If the powers are still a "curse" to Aki by episodes 108-109, why give us the moment above?

And why give us this moment, where she saves Sherry, Yusei, and herself with those powers?

And why give us this moment, where she literally uses her powers at a public event to protect people, and is evidently not cussed out as a witch for it? Neither of these moments do anything to indicate that Aki still hates her powers. They don't indicate that she sees them as a "beast of burden" or necessary evil of a sort, either. On the contrary, I don't think it would be too out there to claim all these moments make her look rather badass. Like a small celebration of "hey, now she can finally use these powers for cool and not evil things!".

Yet, somehow, we still end up with episodes 108-109, where the writers expect the audience to buy that Aki was secretly still hoping she might eventually be rid of these powers after all. And maybe this would be easier to swallow if there weren't also the fact that they later literally go back on it to add to this confusing mess. Because the thing is, we all know the finale scene after the three-way duel with Sherry where Aki protects them with her powers (which have suddenly reappeared, aha!) again and also finds out she can use these powers to heal. So not only is the framing of Aki suddenly being glad to have lost her powers extremely weird, it's also temporary anyway!

So my question is. What was the point. What was the point of all this if the writers ended up going back on it anyway? Because I want to believe there's a reasonable, charitable explanation that also makes sense with what they show us in terms of Aki's characterisation past the DS arc, but if there is, I cannot for the life of me find it. If anything, this whole thing feels like it completely contradicts itself.

First, they tie up Aki's conflict with her powers with a neat bow after she manages not to hurt her father anymore. Then, they launch into the pre-WRGP arc and blatantly tell us that she can now control them. No questions asked. Indisputable fact, and we get nothing that contradicts that, either. Then, we get a bunch of setup showing her using her powers, too, and what's more, we get other significant players in the cast taking notice of it, too, as though it might become relevant. Because Sherry isn't the only one who gets curious about Aki's powers.

(I will never understand how Placido's hood works together with his horn-thingies and have stopped trying at this point.)

The literal, central antagonists of season 3-4 also take notice of it. Like that means something. Like it'll come up again later. But, well. We know it doesn't.

Instead, she suddenly loses her powers out of nowhere (and we are never given a reason for it, either, which does nothing to make this writing decision seem anymore understandable). And, look. The thing that upsets me most about this isn't even the fact that it feels a little inconsistent with Aki's character post DS arc. If that were the only problem, I could still suspend my disbelief far enough to go along with the idea that she secretly still hated her powers quietly in the background and wanted them gone anyway. What really pisses me off is that it reeks of zero setup and knee-jerk decisions in the writing room ten miles against the wind. If they wanted us to believe Aki's glad to be rid of her powers, why give absolutely no indication that she's at odds with them past episode 41 anymore? Why let her state outright that she can now control them? Why show her on several occasions using them to her own and other people's benefit, the way a hero would? And if her powers are supposed to vanish and it's supposed to make sense, why is there no reason for it? They already used cyborg timetravel at that point, they could have literally come up with any nonsense related to that and it would have probably made at least more sense than just letting her powers vanish for no reason at all. Also, if the message behind all this is supposed to be either of the things I mentioned way above—if the idea the audience is supposed to be getting is either "you don't need special powers to be a hero" or "your past and/or your mistakes don't define you and you can heal and grow past them"—why reintroduce the powers, which, in this reading, would be a symbol of Aki's pain, of her mistakes and her dreaded past, at the very end, during the finale, then? It just doesn't add up, and it frustrates me to no end.

The writers wanted to make the moment Aki realises she can help people (well, one person, a child) without her powers seem triumphant so bad, but every time I watch it, it just completely falls flat for me. This isn't a triumph, this is a hot mess of bad writing decisions. All I'm saying is, if they wanted me to buy that Aki would be happy about losing her powers here, they were missing a hefty amount of setup and also shouldn't actually have given them back to her during the finale (no, not even as healing powers).

Moreover... I'll freely admit I also have a personal problem with this scene. I've seen this show and these episodes several times by now, and during my last rewatch and my current one, something about this scene has been creeping up on me, and I think I've figured out what that is now. So I talked about the possible message behind this scene already, and the reading I've given so far was fairly forgiving. But the thing is, there is another reading that has occurred to me that I can't unsee anymore. As much as you could make a valid case that this scene is trying to say that people don't need to be special to be heroes and save others, that past mistakes don't define us, and yadda yadda, there's also a much, much less pleasant way to interpret this scene: "You're better off if you don't stand out." And I'll freely admit, this interpretation probably occurs to me specifically because I was considered a "weird kid" at school, singled out by bullies, and avoided by "popular" kids (take a wild guess why I relate to Aki so much!). And over the years, you learn to downplay that "weirdness" because you become desperate to be accepted by someone, anyone. And given everything the show gives us about Aki's relationship with her powers, it'd make sense that this idea would be buried somewhere in her head, too. It's better not to stand out. Don't be weird. Sand down your edges so there's no chance people could get upset about them. You're better off being whatever everyone else considers "normal" than being whoever you are. It doesn't matter if this is a part of who you are, just become someone else. Someone who's easier to accept. Who's easier to love. You don't need your "weirdness".

You don't need this cursed power.

You know, the "cursed power" that Aki had from the beginning of the show, that was a part of her for years, and that the show didn't give any indication could vanish. The power that we were led to believe would just be there forever, because it was simply a part of Aki, not a conscious thing she (or the narrative) could choose. The power that we were, for all intents and purposes, led to believe she had mastered and maybe even accepted along the way. But sure, let's get rid of that. It's better if she's """normal""". And more convenient for the writers, too! After all, if she doesn't have powers anymore, they can't cause plotholes (of which the WRGP already has enough) and can't possibly give Aki any more badass moments, which makes it that much easier to sideline her. And let's package this weird, shittily set-up moment in a message about how she's better off without her powers anyway. She's happy! It makes complete sense that she's happy. She's finally normal like everyone else. Ignore the way people who might relate to the character could possibly interpret this moment differently. And ignore how none of the writing surrounding this moment makes sense.

...Sigh.

Okay, I think I've let off enough steam. I just. Yeah. I'm sorry, but I cannot for the life of me view this scene in a favourable way and watching it today made me want to chew glass tbh. My only solace is that they went back on this trainwreck writing decision in the finale. Which, really, just makes this whole mess really, really pointless, doesn't it?

For anyone who stuck around this long, thanks for reading. Sorry if this got extra-rant-y. Idk man, I just think “it’s worth the effort to accept yourself as you are, even with all the bits you might not like at first” would have been a better message than whatever this turned out to be.

[btr-rewatch]

Big Time Rush Season 1, Episode 4: “Big Time Bad Boy”

I originally didn't have this on my "episodes to review" list, but I changed my mind. I don't have a whole lot of memories of this one, so it'll be fun to revisit it.

Highlights: To save the band, Kendall Knight is forced to wear dark clothes, eyeliner, and cause thousands of dollars in damage to Rocque Records.

For anyone just finding these posts, I'm not planning to write up commentary/review for every episode. Mostly because I want this to be a fun experience for myself and not feel obligated to make a post for every episode in the series (especially if it's an ep I either don't really like all that much or one that I simply want to sit back and enjoy without taking notes and lots of screenshots, lol)

So..."Big Time Bad Boy." I seem to recall this one being played a lot on Nickelodeon, but my memory of it is fuzzy. What I do remember for this one consists of two things: 1. Kendall dressed all in black and 2. He pees in Gustavo's desk??

All these years, and that's what stuck. Onto the episode!

The guys are in the studio singing "The City is Ours." They sound and look great, but Gustavo isn't super impressed. Something is missing, he says, and that something happens to be A Bad Boy. Someone who will shake up their image a bit and give them an edge. He comes to a quick conclusion.

Kendall looks both surprised and horrified at this suggestion, to which I ask: why?? Need I remind you, Mr. Knight, that this path to L.A. was paved precisely BECAUSE you were exhibiting many bad boy-esque behaviors??

Have we forgotten this? This Kendall who once attacked Gustavo via an enraged 90's pop song performance, fought with security guards, and seemed to have the entirety of his self-control tied together with frayed string is now bewildered that he's being nominated for the position of Official Bad Boy??

I'm sorry, I had no idea that I would get so hung up on how Kendall was handled when I decided to rewatch this show. I don't know what's happening.

Gustavo goes on to explain more about the necessity for a bad boy in every band, and I admit that I can see why Kendall is so opposed to it. The bad boy is being framed as someone who turns his back (quite literally!) on the others, and we all know that's something Kendall could never do. This is a loyalty thing for him, so yeah, okay. Makes sense. However, the other guys quickly jump at the chance to fulfill the role once they learn it comes with lots of money, fame, and girls.

Kendall is unamused.

Over at the Palm Woods, Mrs. Knight is worried that Katie has no friends her own age, so she introduces her to someone named Molly.

Katie instantly doesn't like her, but Mama Knight says you can't judge someone before getting to know them. Mrs. Knight then wildly misinterprets a situation between Bitters and Buddha Bob, assumes Buddha Bob is an axe maniac, and runs away screaming with Katie over her shoulder.

When the guys get back to the apartment, James, Logan, and Carlos are full-swing into the bad boy act. This is no match, however, for the Mom Look.

When James, Carlos, and Logan fail to impress Gustavo at his Bad Boy Audition, he once again tags Kendall for the role. When Kendall again says no, Gustavo has some surprising news for him.

Refusing to do what he's told makes him a bad boy!

Ha! You've been bamboozled, Kendall.

When Griffin comes to take a look at the guys, he's dismayed at the very obvious lack of bad boy. "A bad boy is someone parents would never let their daughters date. And I would let my daughter date any one of these boys," he says, which is one of my favorite lines so far.

Griffin really went, "These boys are sweet and respectful, and it upsets me."

He came prepared with a ready-to-go bad boy: WayneWayne.

The boys don't like him. Gustavo doesn't care.

We return to the Palm Woods where Katie is trying to avoid having to play with Molly. She thinks there's something wrong with her. Mrs. Knight then sees what she thinks is Buddha Bob tossing bodies into a dumpster (they're mannequins).

Meanwhile, at the pool, BTR are angrily watching WayneWayne. After complaining about him, Logan says, "And that's why we're gonna get rid of him. Kendall, get rid of him."

For some odd reason, Kendall wonders why he has to do it. I dunno, Ken; maybe it's because you're the one who has to do everything, remember? Logan always looks to you to fix things. That's your JOB. You need to get rid of people who are upsetting your friends, solve every problem that comes their way, and do everything. All the time. Forever.

No pressure, though.

After a quick little pep-talk to his scaredy-cat friends, Kendall stands up to WayneWayne, which ends up backfiring immediately. There's only room in the band for four people, so somebody has to go if WayneWayne is going to be added in.

Poor Logan.

Kendall begins another impassioned speech that's interrupted by WayneWayne, who declares that it's going to be KENDALL who gets kicked out of the band. The guys all go running to Gustavo in a panic.

Including this screenshot for no other reason than Kendall's reaction in this moment cracks me up.

James says, "He wants to kick Kendall out of the band!" And Kendall just goes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Gustavo defeatedly tells the boys that Griffin is in charge and there's nothing he can do to help. He's firmly against Kendall's insistence that they can come up with a plan and tells them just to focus on learning the lyrics to the new song they're working on.

When the day comes for Griffin to visit the studio and see the band, Kendall is suspiciously missing. When he does arrive, he's sporting a new look.

Yes, Kendall has evidently dug deep down within himself to salvage the last remaining vestiges of First Episode Kendall and channeled it all into one spectacular burst of Bad Boy Behavior.

He absolutely demolished Gustavo's office. I mean. It is entirely destroyed. I wonder how much that all cost to repair.

In one last desperate attempt to win the "bad boy off", WayneWayne kicks Griffin, which is one step too far. Griffin announces that BTR already has a bad boy—Kendall—so his services will no longer be needed. He will, however be put into a band still. WayneWayne is dragged off by security. Kendall tells Griffin that he doesn't want to wear the black clothes "all the time" and he isn't going to turn his back on his friends, which I guess is his way of officially accepting his bad boy role??

So, like. If this is establishing Kendall as the necessary Bad Boy, as per Griffin's request, does this carry on through the show (even though it's never mentioned again as far as I can remember?). Does Kendall remain BTR's bad boy for the duration of the series?? If so, that's very funny considering who Kendall turns into character-wise.

This guy? This absolute goofball is Big Time Rush's bad boy??

Reminds me of that meme with the polite cat. This one:

Wait, let me fix it

Ok, I've gotta pull it together and wrap this episode up.

Kelly finds out that Gustavo, though enraged as he did appear, was actually in on the plan the whole time. When he'd handed out the lyric sheets, he'd included a secret message for the boys.

Aww, Gustavo did some super sneaky scheming with his dogs. And hooray! The band gets to stay intact (until the next time it's threatened, of course).

Victorious, the guys head back to the Palm Woods to see how WayneWayne is doing in his new band: The Ziggle Zaggles

Need I remind you that this is still the same day. It probably hasn't been more than an hour or two since WayneWayne was dragged from Rocque Records, and he's already ON THE TELEVISION in his new band.

It this level of absolute absurd nonsense that really makes this show such a gem. Ridiculous. The Big Time Rush universe has one foot out of reality at all times, and it's great.

For an added dose of weird, the Ziggle Zaggles is interrupted by a news broadcast warning people of a police chase involving Molly, Katie's new "friend." She was actually a 20-year-old con artist the whole time. She also stole Mrs. Knight's car. The end. Cue the credits.

Decent episode overall. I skipped over most of the Mrs. Knight, Katie, Molly, and Buddha Bob storyline to avoid making this post even longer and because there wasn't much "meat" to that part of the episode anyway. I also feel like this was another episode where James, Carlos, and Logan didn't really have much to say or do? I noticed that with the first episode as well; they acted more like props or sidekicks who were only there to occasionally chime in while Kendall ran the show. I look forward to seeing them get fleshed out a bit more!

As always, thanks for reading :)

[claire-starsword]

Shining Force Pre Release Coverage Part 2

"Claire didn't you just say you didn't have time to look at this now" didn't I also say recently I have no self control? Exactly. Also there's not much new so I might as well just get it out of the way.

Part 1 here

This time we'll be looking at recently scanned volumes of another magazine, Mega Drive Fan. Scans are here and here. Also despite the obvious enthusiasm I sure am busy lately so I won't be pointing out everything, I'm here more for translations as you can see the pictures yourself.

November 1991

okay I lied I need to start with the most important pictures

Meow

They owe me this so bad.

Also it has its tail up like in the final unused version, I don't know what's the deal with that footage I showed at the end of the previous post.

We get a better scan of Max's beta portrait. He has no Egress, which I think I have already pointed out in the previous post, I don't know it was a big post okay. He has a short sword with a weird icon, and two iconless items (the placeholders seem to be showing the item's index): the Hex Whip from Shining in the Darkness, and, uh,

"Ring of Infidelity".

Care to explain, Max???

According to my searching this isn't any carry over from SiTD, but I haven't played that in japanese yet so, grain of salt here. I was gonna say, why is a likely joke item so early in the game, and then I remembered the bunny girl in SFII so yeah, this is regular SF dev behavior.

[Edit: I'm reviewing this now and I might have misread the ring's name, it seems like the うわき (infidelity) is directly applied as an adjective so Infidel/Cheater/Fickle Ring would be better translations, which matches the japanese name for the Hex Whip, which is something like Fickle/Whimsical/Moody Whip, but with a different word that has no "cheating on your partner" connotations as far as I know. So maaaybe it's just implying the ring is cursed and does effects of its own, but by all my searching うわき is still far, far more associated with these cheating connotations at least nowadays, so either the word's usage changed a lot in the past decades or it's still a cheeky joke name]

Also, in the previous post I was clearly too taken by Mae's smile to do my job and didn't talk about the items there, so let's talk about them, or rather it, now. Max and Mae in those screenshots have the inventory full of item index 9, "Old Medical Herb". Perhaps there was some sort of expiring mechanic for the herbs. Max also has the same Short Sword and Mae has a Bronze Lance with a sword icon.

In the final version, the indexes 7, 8, and 9 became the Legs of Haste, Turbo Pepper, and Bread of Life respectively.

The item shop has a different sign. Also it seems to be just an item shop, while in final Guardiana the item and weapon shops are combined, with two sellers.

The other magazine showed yet another item shop and sign, either these are actually different towns, or different builds, which actually they sure are given the next picture.

I have been long looking for you... I have heard of the situation. Please, you must let me join you.

While both magazine issues are from the same month, here we have Arthur portrait for this character instead of Varios, and more than that, he is joining the team, there's even another screenshot in the magazine with the "has joined the force" message. Given that this is Arthur's map sprite, and Mae has been described since the start as having a dead father, I feel this is the intended version. Perhaps Varios' portrait was done first and used as placeholder?

Also I need to correct something from the previous post. This isn't a generic NPC sprite, it's just Arthur's knight sprite. The generic centaur NPC sprites are... Arthur's paladin sprite. Like, the exact same sprite. I never looked too close so I assumed there had to be some small difference, but no, they can reuse whatever sprites they want.

Arthur is not given a profile in any of these magazines so it does feel he started as a very generic recruit. Very funny considering he's now the specialest most magical centaur in the block.

Character profiles this month don't have much so I won't translate them in full. Max is referred to as capable of using magic. Lowe is again referred to as a dwarf even though the magazine points out how similar he is to Milo, and wonders if he's an ancestor of him. No mention of Mae's personality, Gort mentioned as an old servant of hers again. Hans' bio states many elves who live in forests choose bows as their weapon because they have excellent vision. This a regular fantasy thing but I don't remember seeing it in Shining content before.

There's one battle screenshot where Max has less HP and is named Hans so I feel his battle sprite wasn't done at this point. Also I didn't bring attention to it in the previous post but a lot of these battle scenes have misnamed enemies as well, it seems this skeleton was a placeholder for a lot.

December 1991

Again Max has his final portrait at this point. He has 99MP and Blaze and Heal 4, Heal having a placeholder icon. He carries the Sword of Darkness, which has a different icon, the Power Ring, and the Forbidden Box, a well documented debug item.

Nothing new in character profiles, Guntz is again referred to as a beastman, Tao is again referred to as a forest elf unlike the others. I will again bring up that the term is used for Nigel in Landstalker, and Tao and Princess Lara there have basically the same art. Does this mean something? Likely no.

Also something I failed to notice in the previous post: at this point, Tao's shoulder gems are miscolored in her portrait. Her art is already done so I assume it's a small mistake.

Enemy descriptions are mostly the same, and again the Mimic shows up.

Again there's a section dedicated to Yogurt, which is mostly the same. It specifies he eats bugs besides berries, and says he "understand human speech, but can't (won't) talk". In the JP version he does say only a single sentence, "I don't get it", so perhaps this was dropped, or he is learning.

It is also said that he's kinda popular with the force members, especially the girls, but again no one could make him a pet. We then get doodles of his secret events, and yes different doodles than last time.

January 1992

This issue gives a good look into the beta menu icons. I won't show them all here, but the icon for putting characters on the active team shows a centaur which, really gets what the game's about i guess.

There's a screenshot with Earnest's portrait but the name is actually Vankar, perhaps his portrait wasn't done yet. Or these guys changed names during production.

On the screens showing off battle graphics, Hans has Diane's palette. That is to say, the exact same palette but pink hair.

Also not to get distracted but I took a quick look at the editor and yes, despite being one of the first characters, the archer sprites are index 9 in the data, preceded by Gong and Khris, and more curiously, Guntz and Domingo, who are at index 3 and 5 respectively.

February 1992

This one was already scanned in Sega Retro and is actually how I started looking into these things. The new scans are likely better quality though, they're really good.

March 1992

The game's released, but unlike the other magazine, early build material still slipped into this one.

"Am I being of service to you? Since I'm fighting to the ends of my MP..."

Tao had this goofy, less immersive line at HQ (remember to compare it to the final JP one, the english version is its own beast). Curiously, the GBA version changed her first line back to a question. Note also that she still has the wrong portrait here.

Veeeery small detail but there's a screenshot of the Rune Knight at the first battle talking only to goblins as opposed to goblins and dwarves. Coupled with all the screenshots we see from this battle it's safe to say the dwarves were a late addition.

Finally, minister Ward had his own portrait.

[masterkeynobi]

sinking my TEETH into the idea of wizardry itself being an act of hubris and the political-mechanical-magical differences between that and witchcraft. making demands rather than connections / relying on the sharpness of language & ritual vs the natural flow of magic through the spirit world / a blindingly magnificent imperial institution vs a cottage at the edge of the forest... i'm eating well tyvm

[ID: four screenshots from transcripts of episodes 2, 3, 7, and 8 of the children's adventure, respectively.

1.

Brennan Lee Mulligan: And I think Ame in that moment, you also do see that. Because all you've known of Suvi thus far is that Suvi is another little girl. But you see Suvi has a hunger for magic in that moment. And that's news to you as well. So whatever bonding you guys share over the fact that you know magic stuff is going on. Erika Ishii: We know that they're hiding something. Aabria Iyengar: Why are they hiding, is the thing. Magic just happens, you don't have to be weird about it. Not that she's weird. Grandmother Wren is so nice and can see through my eyes probably. Erika Ishii: I think it's because we're not ready for it. It's that magic is like, yeah, it just happens, but it's also a big responsibility, you know? It's not something you can always really control. And so the- Aabria Iyengar: That's not true. Erika Ishii: What? Aabria Iyengar: No, magic is super controllable. That's the whole thing about it. Erika Ishii: Oh.

2.

Lou Wilson: Yeah, I did magic. Aabria Iyengar: You talked to the bees but you didn't use words to do the magic, and then earlier you … I smelled it. Lou Wilson: Hmm? Erika Ishii: Yeah. It's the kind of thing that him and his family can do, right? Aabria Iyengar: Yeah, but Erika Ishii: Just like talk to bees and Aabria Iyengar: No, but magic takes … you have to learn it and you have to do spells and you have to write it down, and it takes so much to learn. How do you just do it? You can't just do it. Lou Wilson: They are friends. Friends of the forest and of the Great Bear. Erika Ishii: Magic is just there. It's not like you make it happen, it just is there. No? No. Well, we'll revisit this later maybe.

3.

Brennan Lee Mulligan: "No. No, he's not like Eursulon, Eursulon is one of our honored friends and there is magic everywhere, all throughout the world. But there are many trees in the forest that have nuts. But you still must find a way to crack them open. And many different people find different ways of availing themselves to and from and of magic. Myself and young Ame are of a similar tradition. We are witches and we attempt as best we can to help the magic of the world of spirits find its home here in the mortal world in that the bridges between the two might be kept healthy and safe and whole. That a balance between this world and the world beyond might be maintained that all things might exist in harmony with each other." Aabria Iyengar: Will I be a witch too since I've been here? Brennan Lee Mulligan: Well, if you wanted to be a witch, I would certainly be happy to teach you. Your mother and father are wizards, and they crack the nut a little differently. Long ago, but not so long I suppose in terms of the ages of the world, the very first, very clever wizards found a way to speak and write, but more importantly think in a language of magic itself. And it marked the first time that the powers of the unseen world could be wielded through cleverness itself as opposed to broaching some kind of relationship, I suppose you could say, with the world of spirits. Eursulon can disappear and put on other forms in the same way that he can breathe and run. It is a part of him. And Ame and I, we can sometimes speak on or act on behalf of the unseen world. Your mother and father speak and think in a language that means they don't have to ask for help.

4.

Brennan Lee Mulligan Describe to me what this fumbling attempt at magic looks like. Erika Ishii Okay. I would know things for healing, I've studied a lot, and for all of the things that the villagers come in, none of them have this kind of malignant, bad, powerful magic in them for curing. But I know about curing, and a lot of it is about understanding the body and the intuitiveness of knowing what bleeding to stop or what words to say to the spirits. So I think that all of my healing abilities for it have to do with the breathing and the coaxing of the poison out of her. Aabria Iyengar I think Suvi's is very, very much the opposite of that. She has so few points of data and the only spell she's ever cast, she didn't know she was casting protection from good and evil. But from the few conversations she's had, and the way she sees witches interact with magic, it's a conversation and balance. So she knows that the magic that her parents do that she's going to inherit does not ask permission. It is willful. So every intention that she's putting out, every bit of energy she's putting forth, is to wall it off and make it do what she wants, which is leave her alone.

/end ID]

[segfaulteddreams]

Screenshot Saturday: 24th Feb. 2024

Trying to force myself to post updates more often, so here's a late #ScreenshotSaturday submission/devlog for y'alls viewing pleasure 🫡

This past week or so, I finally started work on the actual game part of my upcoming (and still untitled) CRPG project.

So far, all I've implement are the most basic core mechanics for the game--things like movement, "combat", etc.

I decided to build the game on top of the "Cogito" first-person controller/framework (which is intended for use in immersive sims) just cause I messed around with it for an hour or so and I kinda liked the feel of it so I decided it was probably best to start with a known-working system than redesigning everything from scratch. That all being said, I have already begun (and will continue to do throughout development) to heavily modify this framework to better suit the CRPG genre/my game specifically.

One such modification will be to the inventory system (which is why this "screenshot Saturday" post is a day late--I was hoping to finish it in time), just cause I'm a bit indifferent to how those things are handled in its current form.

Level Design

Normally, I design all my levels/game assets in blender, but I'm experimenting with using TrenchBroom as an alternative to level creation.

For those of you who aren't familiar with TrenchBroom, it's a tool whose intended use is for creating Quake maps (as well as maps for some other, similar engines).

Thanks to a nifty Godot plugin called Qodot though, these levels can now be easily imported into Godot with just a few clicks.

On one hand, TrenchBroom is great for quickly designing levels that already have that PSX vibe that I'm going for. On the other hand though, it does have its quirks which can be a tiny bit annoying at times. In particular, trying to make levels with angled geometry is an especially painful endeavor that I fought with TrenchBroom over for a day or two before giving up entirely.

I'm still not entirely sure whether or not I'll just stick to Blender for level design.

Dungeon Generation

Now when it comes to updates on the Dungeon Generator, this past week was one in which I actually did do a lot of work, but at the same time, I made no progress at all.

In all honesty, I'm at a bit of a crossroads with the project at the moment.

On one hand, the flood fill part of the generator is fully implemented and working properly. In theory, I should just need to implement spawners for enemies and loot and it should be complete.

On the other hand though, I'm not particularly happy with how it turned out.

I knew going into this project that I wasn't doing things the "correct" way when it came to dungeon generators (more on that later), but there was a particular style I was trying to mimic and while I do feel as though I hit the mark, I'm just not happy with how things look/feel.

Because of that, I took several detours this week.

I spent a good bit of time building a "proper" dungeon generator in Godot (using Delaunay graphs, MSTs, etc.), following along with some guides. Once more, however, I wasn't entirely thrilled with how it turned out.

This is big part to an old game that I've recently dumped way too many hours into: The Elder Scrolls: Daggerfall.

For those of you who don't know, Daggerfall is a CRPG/dungeon crawler from the 90s and it (along with games like TES: Arena and Ultima Underworld), was a big inspiration behind me wanting to create my own CRPG game.

If you haven't already, go download the game off of steam and give it a try--it's free!

I would argue that to this very day, it has one of the best dungeon generation systems in gaming. To make a very long story short, after messing about with my original dungeon generator and then the "proper" one, I decided that I'm probably going to scrap both of these in favor of a more Daggerfall-esque system.

To that end, I've been doing quite a bit of research on how Daggerfall's dungeon generator system worked and I'm preparing to spend quite a few hours creating some assets so that I can experiment with building a similar system in the coming few weeks.

And that brings me to today. If you somehow made it to the end of this blog post, thanks for reading! I really do appreciate it!

If any part of this post caught your eye, feel free to drop a follow to stay up to date on the project as things move forward of the coming few months.

No promises, but I'm really would like to make screenshot Saturdays a weekly routine of mine as I'm usually a bit hesitant to show off any progress when it comes to my game dev projects lol

[aprillikesthings]

YAY I'M OFF WORK until Monday

IT'S TIME FOR MORE SHE-RA REWATCH

s2 ep6 Light Spinner

just read the synopsis on the wikipedia episode list and Oof this one is going to be hard

Edit: oof I jumped around a lot, including mentions of the bible, my fave art, other cartoons and (predictably, for an episode about Shadow Weaver) my own history as a child abuse survivor and my dad dying. So, uh, you've been warned?

okay

let's do this

do they mention why she covers her face at this point? I forget

okay so true story and totally off topic but I get distracted every time Micah's name is mentioned because my favorite verse of the Bible is from the book of Micah. It's the fave verse of a lot of people lol I'm not unique. But yeah, Micah 6:8:

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord ask of you, But to do justice, and to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God?

I've half-joked for years now that if enough of your childhood report cards say any variation on "They have so much potential if they'd only apply themselves" you should get diagnosed with ADHD without further questions.

Hordak: why is Shadow Weaver still fucking HERE Catra: bc I like getting a chance to taunt her >:3 I MEAN, uh, she's a good source of information? Hordak: she needs to get to Beast Island, I don't like having her around she knows too damn much Catra: but she can't actually do anything without her fancy-ass magic rock

*power goes out*

Entrapta: ha ha WHOOPSIE Catra: wtf are you DOING

Hordak: stop bothering my girlfriend Catra: wtf??? Entrapta: Entrapta: uhhhhh did I interrupt something Hordak: no it's fine bb don't worry about it <3 Hordak: ANYWAY Catra get that witch to tell you shit and then GET RID OF HER or I'LL GET RID OF YOU Catra: >:(

In all seriousness I remember watching this episode and thinking: lol omg are they ship-baiting this???

And then the usual culprits did the "yOu cAnT sHiP tHaT" and I started reblogging content of it out of sheer fucking spite. Also at least one writer for the show is like "y'all Entrapta is in her late 20's/early 30's" and--wait hold on I know there's screenshots from twitter of the same person:

But yeah stuff in later seasons made me cackle with laughter because it's not even subtle. At all.

Anyway you gotta be careful about spite-shipping. That's how I ended up having a lot of feelings about Jaspis from SU, ha ha WHOOPS

jfc this and a previous line (talking about "gifted students") and it's like...why are y'all having her quote all the shit my teachers said trying to encourage me and only traumatizing me.

mmmm don't like that

I know I keep harping on how textbook of an abuser she is, but I love that the clues were there already. This is the kind of shit abusers do! Look at how controlling and possessive she is, but in a way that outsiders will just see as "she's a very invested/involved teacher."

gahhhhhh

plot plot plot the Horde is already invading, the Princesses are useless against them, our leaders aren't doing SHIT, anyway the sorcerers are meeting tomorrow and I hope they let me boss them around into agreeing with me

this shot of the moons over Etheria reminds me of one of my fave artists--these pieces are layered resin, and I keep meaning to buy some prints of theirs. (One day I want to own an original. ;_; I love the way they use colors and the layers and just the daydreamy vibes of so much of their work.)

(More of their stuff here)

plot plot Scorpia and Catra talk about how Catra doesn't want to send Shadow Weaver to Beast Island and Scorpia is surprised Beast Island is real and not a scary story they tell kids

Catra: but but but Shadow Weaver can tell us shit!

Scorpia: anyway I thought you hated her??? Catra: you wouldn't understand >:(

I understand. I hate that I understand it. UGH.

plot plot Light Spinner tries to convince the sorcerers that the Horde is a threat, and points out they've taken the Black Garnet, and says let's cast a big spell together and GET SOME POWERRRR

Sorcerer dude: that spell is FUCKED, absolutely not [for real the way he talks about it sounds kiiiinda like The One Ring] Light Spinner: fuck yOU

OH so I didn't quote it but Catra says the same line earlier, about Hordak: "After everything I've done he still doesn't trust me"

Catra is trying to save Shadow Weaver's life and Shadow Weaver is like...meh. But hey can you bring me an old trinket that's of sentimental value? I will never ask you to do anything else.

[I am Suspicious.]

back in time, Light Spinner manipulates Micah into doing the Big Scary Spell with her, they accidentally unleash a hORRIFYING MONSTER

(I'm suddenly reminded of the last two episodes of Gravity Falls. It never ceases to amuse me that Alex Hirsch was told he couldn't do all kinds of totally innocent things, but he could have, well, the shit in the last two episodes. I remember telling my then-boyfriend that the intro of those last episodes had shots that looks like actual nightmares I've had)

Oh also the flailing disembodied hands remind me of some of the early episodes about the Cluster in Steven Universe. Remember Garnet finding some of the early fusion experiments made with broken bits of gems?

Aaugh.

(Also remember when Peridot was still kinda spooky and scary?)

OKAY SORRy wow I'm distracted tonight.

yeah that didn't work so great

And that's what messed up Shadow Weaver's face, and she throws a fit at everyone and calls them "weak" and uhhh murders at least one of them?

face-touching! the only way she's able to show any affection at all...but only ever to manipulate people in her charge. anyway she disappears after that.

Catra is not going to get a satisfying answer. One of the reasons it was a relief when my dad died was that I could let go of ever having any hope of him explaining to any kind of satisfaction why he did what he did. (He did apologize, once; in the most manipulative and self-serving way possible, when I was 35--at the time I thought maybe it meant something, but eventually I realized he'd actually made things worse, because he'd taken away any belief I might've clung to that he didn't know any better at the time.)

In any case, Shadow Weaver's answer is basically "You're just like me, and my life was hard, so why should yours be easy?" Like that old line about how people who suffer through hard things have one of two reactions: Either "why shouldn't you also suffer, you're not better than me," and "nobody should have to suffer like I did."

;_;

I understand Catra so much. You still want that love. You can't not. You know you won't get it, not the way you need it, and you settle for a facsimile.

I'm gonna throw myself into the sun

And then we go back in time to see the arrival of baby!Adora, like as an actual infant. They don't say where she got her.

Hordak: "I arrived too late. I found something but it's useless. Put it with the other infants in the infirmary."

"It." bleh.

Shadow Weaver: hmmm that's one powerful baby. Hordak: ugh, weirdo. You can have it. But ffs it's being noisy take it somewhere else.

Shadow Weaver's just like: oh sweet I get to start from scratch with this one.

Anyway under her tray of food that Catra brought her was her sorcerer's guild...thing. That she asked for earlier in the episode. Which means Catra did bring it to her.

And Shadow Weaver's gone.

This explains part of why Catra gets worse for the next like two seasons. She tried to extend a kindness to Shadow Weaver--keeping her from being sent to Beast Island, giving her the trinket thing, offering to work together since Shadow Weaver thinks they have so much in common, right? But it bites her in the ass so bad.

So why should she be kind to anyone? When has anyone been kind to her? When has Catra being kind to anyone ever improved her life or made it easier?

But yeah the trinket had some kinda magic dust in it and Shadow Weaver escaped, and Catra had a (very understandable) meltdown about it.

Back in Bright Moon, the Best Friends Squad is using the moon alignment to get a clearer signal on Bow's track pad: "Serenia. Portal. Mara." AAAAND end of episode.

Yeah I was right. That was a rough one.

[apparentabstractions]

Some unstructured thoughts

My reaction to the trend of "AI artists" has been pretty viscerally negative—it's a clear off-shoot of the same Silicon Valley tech bro bullshit that gave us NFTs—but I've also been left grappling with the reality that there are very real similarities between much of my APPARENT ABSTRACTIONS work and images generated by AI. The latter involves someone inputting text and hoping for the best. My edited ROM corruption screenshots require similarly little "effort"—ask a program to inject some junk data or alter a few bytes, then wait for the results. In the end, we both have very little control over the actual output. I often make edits to the shape or color to make mine stand out more, but that's not a tall task either.

Furthermore, both are built off the backs of others' work. I think my only real saving grace here is that the "sources" I pull from are commercial, mass-produced products. Of course video games are an art form, and artists worked to create the graphics which I then ask a program to mangle, but at the end of the day I'm pulling from the works of corporations. Fair game for editing? Fair game for collages and sampling? The music enthusiast in me has always felt that way, at least. I wouldn't have a guilty conscience screencapping and editing something from say, Ninja Gaiden—as opposed to trying the same thing from some DeviantArt user's work. One like myself, maybe. I also illustrate as a hobby, and yeah, I don't want my drawings used in AI training datasets. And these days, it's getting harder to trust the websites we host our work on to protect us.

Maybe the big difference between what I'm making and what "AI artists" are doing comes down to ethos. AA is a project that's been going on for four years now. The works have always been released into the public domain. I just think what I'm doing is cool, and I wish more people would do it. It's not really even about the individual pieces but all of them as a unified gallery. I've always viewed AA as one singular ever-expanding art piece. I think it's why I enjoyed making the Tower Unite gallery so much. Very few "AI artists" ever seem actually interested in art. Or at least, they weren't interested in the concept of "art" until they saw that it could be an easy way to make them popular or rich. But you probably know that already.

We saw it with NFTs, too, though maybe less so percentage-wise—I saw a lot of legitimate artists I admired become grifters. I almost bought a John Karel (jjjjjjjjjjohn, the one with the low-poly skeletons) shirt and now I'm glad I didn't. Mark Vomit, the guy who made that "you are not immune to propaganda" meme, is actually a talented audiovisual producer that I liked a lot. Ironically, he tried making NFTs but threw a fit when no one wanted them and people started making fun of him. I don't think he's tried again since. Probably my biggest disappointment in this field was Osamu Sato—the guy behind LSD: Dream Emulator among a slew of great albums. And don't forget a bunch of musicians who were probably forced to engage with NFTs by their labels. But also, like, 80% of the people making "abstract digital art" like my own started getting into it! I had to unfollow the vast majority of them. At their height, it was so bad that you could just tell someone was probably doing NFTs by looking at their art because it had become so popular with certain cliques—my own included. I started using the "AGAINST CRYPTO / AGAINST NFTS" avatar around that time not just because I wanted to make a bold statement against it, but also because I didn't want people to have to check.

[welcomingdisaster]

2, 3, 7?

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom i did 2 over here! but now since i've done two characters who i think don't bottom often, i'll do two characters that i don't think top often. again this is with the disclaimer that i tend to prefer switchy dynamics for all my ships. sooo. turgon is such a control freak in life that i think he might enjoy just laying back and getting taken care of in the bedroom (god knows he won't let this happen anywhere else). i think he'd feel a "duty" to perform at first, but if you put him with a partner that likes to make all the decisions he'd be so very relieved to fall into that dynamic in the bedroom. also for whatever reason i think finrod and amarie are this:

don't ask me why it's just vibes

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

okay big disclaimer on this that everyone has different takes and what makes me very annoyed has a right to exist in fandom. no hate intended towards the takes and people i mention, should they somehow see this. that said i AM choosing violence tonight

i see a lot of takes i dislike but only one. has made me so mad that i immediately left my house and walked five miles out of sheer frustration. and it was this, as far as i recall, their logic: "sauron killed celebrimbor before celebrimbor gave him the information he was really looking for (location of the three rings). sauron is the master of torture, and this was kind of a pretty big torture fuck-up. thus, sauron was not at his best when torturing celebrimbor, and killed him too rashly out of anger. this is later backed up by the way he treated his body. thus, celebrimbor must have done something particularly heinous to sauron. in fact, it was celebrimbor taking advantage of sauron all along. this means that feanor must have seen maiar serving in aule's forges and decided maiar were some kind of servant class, which led to celebrimbor inheriting those beliefs and being creepybadevil at sauron when they worked together" i don't think i need to dissect this take to explain how much it pissed me off. but i WILL say i am genuinely impressed with this user for managing to victim blame the victim of a crucifixion.

also i would like to say that sauron is such a cringefail loser (affectionate?) that we should be surprised about him fucking up torture. guy got beaten by a big dog & also made the mistake of killing finrod before learning anything important from him

again no hate to the user. people have drastically different takes & headcanons and favorites but god. that one got me. it really did get me.

honorable mentions go to:

that one theory i saw that someone managed to blame almost exclusively women (indis, nerdanel, and yavanna) for the conflict of the silmarils

the person who said child!fingolfin should have been a better brother if he wanted feanor to like him. this one loses "bad take" points for being the funniest fucking thing i've ever read

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

hmmm i actually think i've mostly gone the other way around? i think i mostly tend to like characters more than i did coming into fandom. that being said i weirdly don't like erestor. something about him idk

i also used to like sauron a lot more than i do now. now i'm very sauron-cautious. some of the coolest fanart and fanfic in fandom involves him and i don't wanna dismiss that, i definitely enjoy reading about him, but for some reason he's the character the MOST likely to make me click out of a fic if he feels "off" to me

[runcriedthecrawlingif]

I just read the entirety of the current build, and wow, this is one of the strangest WIPs I've ever read (positive).

The setting is absolutely fascinating, and I love Faren and Kal so much I don't even know how to express it! They are both so awesome! I also like the MC's personality a lot. A MC with a somewhat set personality can be very hit or miss obviously, but it's a big hit in this case, since clearly their personality allows for interesting growth. The way we can still fine-tune their mindset and what they value is also a nice thing. Like mine is bold and sarcastic, but cares a lot about people and always thinks before acting and tries to negociate before fighting.

I did encounter two situations I think were bugs though. Like I said, my MC is very charismatic and has a silver tongue - that's what I've been focusing on every time it was possible. But in two instances, it seems the game considered my MC isn't charismatic? - The first one, I'm not sure if it's a mistake or not, but if it isn't, it seems a bit out of character: when playing the truth or fiction game with Reva in chapter 2, I've picked the option to tell the truth hoping to fool her into thinking it's fiction, but she figured it out - I think it's an instance where a charismatic MC should be able to fool her, right? And also, slightly unrelated, but when she figures it out she says "That's fact. The blush on your face says it all.". But would she notice that with the very unique lighting coming from the bioluminescence? And even then, on darker skintones it would be invisible anyway, most likely. - Second instance is a bug for sure: during the hilenite fight in chapter 5, but this one is evidently some sort of coding error. If I try to taunt the leader, no matter if it's on the attack or the evade path, I have this:

Considering this is my MC's specialty, it should have worked? I mean, the fact the game says "it's never worked for you before" doesn't make sense. This is a screenshot from the Evade path, but on the Attack one it's the same issue.

Oh and also, there's a typo (or well, some stray code, rather) here:

That aside, a few theories I have, because why not:

The whole rot theme makes sense since, judging by the name of the "gods" they are related to fungi and thus, rot is part of it.

MC's nightmare with their mother is a memory, not a mere nightmare, and whatever she did to the MC in that memory, it "protects" them against the "gods". A lot of fungi are parasitic and I think the bond people make with gods is basically the gods being parasites that control their hosts to a degree. The MC must have some sort of protection against that now.

The "flowers" the MC has to interact with and is supposed to "feed" with their blood are all part of a huge interconected organism linked to the gods, and this is what the "path" is. Normally, I guess the nutrients from the person's who undertakes the Path blood probably create some sort of reaction of revitalization that makes more "flowers" (or whatever) bloom alongside the "veins" that link the organism, until they reach the core of it where the actual "gods" are. But since the MC is poisonous to them, the blood produces a decay instead. But since these veins are present anyway, the "Path" - as in, the visual representation - is still visible, but doesn't appear as it should since what should be revitalized dies instead.

The sheen over the grass and various other elements of the story make me think these "gods" are vulnerable to metal in general, and that whatever the MC does now is somehow related to that.

The character other than the MC that we can name seems to appear as "Vein" on the character screen before you set a name for them... It's uncannily the same word that the one I was thinking about when I was trying to understand the Path, and that sort of lead me to think they may be one of the "gods", or at the very least a "byproduct" of sorts. Also, the way they are described as so beautiful and what not is similar not only to the description of the entity in MC's dreams (and rejecting the entity lowers their relationship score, besides), but also to the way the entity in Kal's "dream" was described.

That leads me to wonder if Kal didn't already "bond" with a "god" in the past. I somehow feel like they came in contact with something they shouldn't have, and they fell victim to the parasite. That could explain why they were in favor to the stranger joining - if said stranger is indeed a "god" or part of that organism, Kal may not be able to refuse them, physically.

Aaand I think that'll be it! I'm not expecting you to answer to my theories of course, but I hope you at least find them entertaining. I rarely think so deeply about all implications and possible reasons behind what's happening in a story (more often than not, I'm just in for the ride and enjoy), but this is really too fascinating not to think more deeply about.

This is honestly super helpful, I won't say anything about the theories for reasons but I love hearing them anyways.

For the charisma bugs (including lying to Reva because there was already a variation in there), I am a fool who types too fast and has a peppering of $charimsa variables in my code. They should be fixed by today.

As for the MC with semi-set personality... As much as I want players to be able to have agency over who their heir is, I think for the purpose of character growth and developing relationships, there are some things that do need to be set. Like the fact that the heir has grown up having to prove themselves. Or the way their relationships with their mentors/parents shaped them.

[chaos-in-elysium]

Ok it's time to come forward with my evidence and claims. In August or September of 2021 I met my accuser- let's call him Elm. We grew close rather quickly and became romantically involved. One day he asked if he could add his best friend into a group chat with just the 3 of us, I said yes. It didn't take me long at all to realize that his supposed best friend was actually his boyfriend, I had a talk with his boyfriend first who claimed Elm told him that I was the best friend. After explaining that Elm and I had been romantic for about 1-2 months his boyfriend despite having a hurt tone claimed that they were in an open relationship. These discussions all happened over discord call so I don't have screenshots for it. When ai confronted Elm about it because he never told me about his bf or the open relationship, Elm couldn't give me an answer to why he just kept dodging the questions. So when two people are in an open relationship and one wants to date someone else and doesn't tell that person about the open relationship, that isn't an actual open relationship - its cheating.

I pulled back a bit after this staying friends but becoming more platonic after Elm seemingly lost interest once I called him out on the cheating. There is one thing about Elm that always bugged me, the fact he would claimed his original characters or "muses" as he called them "tool control". (This was mentioned on call) When I asked if he had D.I.D he out right denied it but it seemed that whenever I would explain that something he was doing upset me that's when his Muses would "take over" and they always tried to make him blameless. For some context I have bpd and tend to split (I call it an episode) when I notice I'm being treated poorly, this can lead to rather explosive anger- Elm know this and would continue to do the behaviors that I asked him not to. I have one major instance of his main muse taking control

I was primarily upset because we had planned to hang out on call that day and Elm left barely 5 minutes in to hang out with a friend who randomly asked. )I blocked out names for their privacy because I know if I didn't they would raise hell. ) As you can see I'm trying to address a problematic pattern of behavior and he uses this muse to try and make me into the bad guy. He would purposely do something he knew would cause me to split, tell me to communicate if something upset me, then shame me and get pissed at me when I did. I had let him know multiple times that if I told him that an action he did was causing episodes then I would prefer it if he could refrain from repeating those actions as much as possible- he said he would but then would continue to do those same actions. This Azlute character only seemed to come out when I would call Elm out on how shitty he was treating me, and then would try to make me the one in the wrong for bringing it up. After this incident we muted each other and spent time apart to calm down after we settled we tried to remain friendly- but not fully friends. After a bit of not talking I had gone through a bit of a upsetting event with another friend and reached out to Elm this is the exchange. (I blocked out irrelevant messages prior)

Notic ehow he said "That's doesn't mean we have to be enemies,thought. I dont want to fight anymore .i consider you...an aquatance."

This interaction was 7 months ago we hadn't talked since. His words completely contradict his recent actions, if he didn't want to fight or be enemies why bring up these allegations? If he had such a big issue with me why wait til the allegations were made to block me? It makes honestly little sense to me

Moving on from Elm, next up we have Crimsons rather rude behavior. I did not blur her username out because these are public comments made on one of my posts. Keep in mind this woman is 31 years old (according to her Tumblr bio) and yet is behaving like a chronically online middle schooler.

First up I was already banned and blocked why would you still need evidence? Unless Elm had no evidence when the claims were made and the mods of the server decided to believe him, despite that went against our usual process.

"There's nothing you could possibly say that could change what you've done and said." If that's the case why prevent me from even attempting to plead my innocence?

"The only reason I've said anything is because I'm not involved." Yet you're being extremely rude and aggressive, and also involving yourself??

Once again based off her own words they did not have evidence when the claims were made.

I understand not posting the evidence to the public, I never asked for that I asked to see the evidence. When I gave another option to dm me the evidence she blocked me. This is the type of people running the server, people who will condemn you without evidence, who refuse to let you defend yourself, who refuse to even offer an explanation to what's going on. If the mods had just don't the mature Nad professional thing and discussed the issue with me,went through the claims, and let me defend myself none of this would have happened.

My original post was to try and reach the mods in the only option I had left to figure out what was actually going on. They banned and blocked me with zero explanation, I was left completely confused and blindsided. People are saying I'm immature but yet these mods are the reason I've had to go to extremes. I just want the evidence so I can defend myself. I'm not satin you have to believe me, I'm just saying you should jump to guilty until proven innocent.

I've had at least one person say "Well you should have just handled it privately" Well one can't handle it privately when all the mods decided to block me. I understand Elm made me out to be manipulative and when in an episode I can come across that way. Even still someone should have done the mature thing and been like "Maybe we should get Ry's side of the story and go from there".

Mods shouldn't be acting like children in this way. Especially for such an old dying Fandom such as portal 2. I feel that over time some of them lost touch with the world outside of the internet, the more they witnessed younger people struggling to separate fiction and reality, the less grounded they were. I think all of them need to step back and reflect and ask "Is this really how we should run this server?" A server that has over 100 people where only maybe 15 are ever active,a server that will have months of dead silence. Maybe it's time to move on, and to grow up.