#i don't know why i find these stock photos so funny but i do

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

HAPPY SPOOKY SEASON! Have some merch

recently received new stock photos for the Terrible Pink T-Shirts i sell on etsy, and i find them so funny for some reason...

look at the smiling attractive people wearing their (also smiling!) attractive fashion wear!

[teecupangel]

Ok so I have had an idea. This is a bit of reference to the ratatouille au continuation of Desmond being able to hear us in the animus servers. So picture this, after a while of us talking to Desmond checking up on him and the others. Someone the group chat somehow makes a mod that gives the players (us) avatars to pilot in the servers for a short amount of time, but instead of the bodies being human they're just random animals from mise to crows to hawks and eagles. So here kinda how I think this would go. So all the ancestors are asleep or resting in the servers, meanwhile the person who made the mod adds it into the server and there's a bit of commotion as the person tells everyone else, and so the players get to work making the avatars. Then morning comes around, Desmond and the others wake up and see this excessive about of rodents just gathered around everyone. After a moment of panic and shock for our dear assassins and templars they come to find out that now the voices "inside" Desmond's head are now here ready to try And cause some havack.

Oh don't forget to drink water and eat something l. I hope you have a great day/night

Thank you, nonny! I hope you're having a great day/night too! (And yeah, I'll be eating my dinner after this hahahaha) The Ratatouille AU where the ancestors can hear Desmond while ‘playing’, its more unhinged cousin, the Ratatouille AU where Desmond can hear us and the outside POV of Al Mualim thinking the Apple broke Altaïr and the sidestory of Altaïr accidentally connecting with Ezio while looking for Desmond

Here’s the horror-esque version of this AU for this interested in that kind of setup.

.

Alright, confession time. When I was writing for the voices, my brain immediately to the ‘chat windows’ that popped up in Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint and in The Perks Of Being An S Class Heroine.

Then I thought, you know what would be funny? If it was like an actual chatbox with our preferred avatar kinda like this:

To make this stranger, all the avatar are like stock photos of animals and plants. This way, when their avatar finally comes to form, Desmond will be surrounded by various animals.

What happens to the ones who chose plant avatars?

My initial idea was that they would be floating plants like a leaf or a flower just floating in the air.

But then I realized…

We’re crazy enough to band together and create a ‘strange’ unique flower crown to put on Desmond’s head.

The ones that transformed into animals would go “That’s not fair! Why do you guys get to be that close to Desmond?!”

“Plant ftw, bitches!!!” A dandelion of all things would shout out, accidentally blowing itself up and floating away from Desmond, “Fuck!”

A second passed and the dandelion glitches out of existence.

Only to glitch back into the (technically floating) flower crown on Desmond’s head.

“Hey, guys, did you know it cost 1000 Helix to respawn? Fucking Ubi████.”

For those who don’t care about Ubisoft’s monetization scams (as you should), 1000 Helix is more or less $10 and they don’t sell 1000 Helix, they sell the small pack for $9.99 and it gives 1050 Helix. For reference, AC Valhalla’s complete sets (full armor + 2 weapons + mount and raven skin) usually cost around 1500 Helix.

So yeah… even though the ‘players’ have spawned in Desmond’s world, they are still haunted by monetization. (This does mean Desmond has gotten himself an immortal army of plants and animals)

[charyou-tree]

Another rock show, another great find!

My wife and I drove to the other side of town for another rock and mineral club’s show, and I feel like I stole the stuff I came home with. First, while my wife and I were browsing a display of jewelry with cut stones, the woman running the stand commented on my opal necklace. She looked more than a little surprised when I told her I cut the stone myself, using a diamond-grit knife sharpening block of all things. I could only say "I know that's the wrong way to do that, but I wasn't going to buy a $500 cutting wheel to do one stone!" (it was a lockdown project)

Chatted for a while with another dealer about his small display of unusual faceted stones. He had this one enormous almost 40 carat faceted peridot bigger than my thumbnail. I didn't know they came that big! I don't even want to know what he'd ask for that... But he was so nice and spent so long talking to us, I felt like I should buy something. He had this cute little pink tourmaline crystal for only $14 so I grabbed that to say thanks.

But the real show was still to come.

I had my eye on a bright mint green dioptase specimen another dealer had, but it was a couple hundred bucks, and I didn't really want to spend that much on a rock. While I was mulling that over, I saw a dealer I’ve seen before at a couple other local mineral shows was back with his amazing stock of Ethiopian opals. He had a couple giant pieces of amazingly clear crystal opal the size of my fist sitting in a bowl of water. I turned them over to get a look at the play of color, but I was afraid to pick them up and maybe drop a multi-thousand dollar rock.

However, he also had trays of smaller pieces sorted by price per carat. It was like a box of bifrost shrapnel, glittering in overlapping rainbow colors under the bright lights in his booth (very important when you're selling opal!). One particular piece caught my eye, but I was afraid to ask what he wanted for it, last time I tried that with one of his pieces it was >$300 and I had to put it back :( . When he told me that this beautiful crystal opal was only $62 I had to have it.

Like, sure, it has a couple cracks in it and its a funny shape, but I'm not going to cut it so who cares? LOOK AT THOSE OVERLAPPING LAYERS OF RAINBOW IRIDESCENCE! I turn it around at the end of the video because that same side of the stone is blue, green, yellow, or even red depending how you look at it and how the light is oriented. Sometimes you can see multiple colors through each other. Its doing what I associate with good opals, and completely saturating the red/green/blue pixels of my phone camera when the play of color is lined up right.

This is the opal specimen I've been looking for. This is why I love going to rock shows, some of this stuff has to be seen in person to be appreciated. Photos are nice, videos are better, but opals need to be seen to be believed. Those colors are unreal bright.

[rise-my-angel]

Because I love salt, what do you find to be the most annoying lines of so-called evidence or foreshadowing for ships you hate? For me it’s hard to pick just one but Jon saying Sansa looked radiant is up there for me because the idea that Jon had a crush on Sansa in the first book or before is so much worse than the thought of them meeting again and then developing feelings (which I still hate, but it’s just not as bad). It’s super normal for people to think their siblings look nice. Arya’s POV chapters also remark that Sansa is beautiful. Ashford theory is annoying because it was originally about the hound and Sansa (also hate this ship but the fans are a million times more tolerable). I also roll my eyes when fans insist that the bride of fire line foreshadows Dany marrying Jon (and I even LIKE that ship but only in an AU in my head where Lyanna is Jon’s mom but Rhaegar is NOT the father)

"Because I love salt"

You have come to the right place as this is an accurate real life photo of me running this blog:

Thats a good one I hate though, multiple siblings and family members in this series all compliment one another. Even characters with bad relationships compliment each other. In the books, Arya recalls that her father calls her pretty, which only Jon ever also called her. Does that mean Ned had romantic feelings for Arya? Or Lyanna for that matter? No of course not. Thinking someone in terms of beauty is zero indicator of attraction in any way.

Also its even funnier with Jonsas because Sansa herself notes that Arya looks just like Jon, and then on multiple occasions notes that she thinks Arya is ugly. So, its even less compelling.

In the show Tyrion compliments Cersei's beauty all the time and we know there is nothing to it. It's reading into something that isn't there beacuse if they ignore the way beauty is used in this series as a common compliment towards other highborns, then its a really simple box to check on really stock symptoms of attraction. (I also dont really enjoy Sansan but it is funny how they just stay in their circle and mind their business like they somehow are winning based on being not fucking annoying alone).

I'm gonna rapid fire for Jon here because pretty much every single ship he has is backed by the worst evidence known to man.

The idea that Jon never thinks about Sansa because he loves her the most is dumb and not how we know Jon works. He holds back what he says not what he thinks. He thinks of Sansa the least because despite being his sister, she treated him like shit because she looks down on him for being a bastard. Jon cares about her, but not anywhere near how he cares about his other siblings who have clearly shown him love and respect.

The worst of Jon and Arya is a very very old outline that grrm scrapped. Its an outline that wasnt used and most of it isnt canon so it is literally a piece of non evidence for a ship that is disgusting. (Both Jonsa and Jonrya make Jons good older brother behavior towards his sisters look predatory and the shippers are all literally too blind to realize it)

Jon and Dany have literally nothing to back that up, because they are staged as moral oppositions to one another, dont know the other exists, and the idea that the motif of ice and fire will be about the coming together of romance is antithetical to everything grrm has established about the themes of his story. They are so far from being a ship that literally the ONLY thing they have to support it is the show and thats an absolute joke (see my every post that got me blocked by jonerys stans for more detail)

Ygritte is a rapist, so I accept literally zero "evidence" on that ones validity.

I also hate the "the actors have chemistry" argument to support really bad ships, because some actors having chemistry doesnt equal good romance, it equals good on screen dynamics in its own unique way. Like Tywin and Arya in season 2 have GREAT chemistry, but I don't need to explain why shipping that is creepy. Catelyn and Jaime have great chemistry, but it doesn't mean anything was actually there which could've worked.

Like shipping is fine, but so many people just INSIST it is canon or meant to be instead of something fun to think about. I joke ship about Stannis and Davos because its fun but I'm not over here arguing that people who don't ship it are "ignoring the text in front of them deliberately".

Also honestly, its really funny to me that you had to specify you'd only like that ship if they weren't related. Big oof on that one. Jonerys stans hate the idea they couldn't be related because they somehow think Dany being his AUNT isn't at all creepy. Like, Dany is related to Jon the way Jon thinks hes related to his MOTHER. There is no capability of romance or attraction there, that's crazy.

People who are biologically related but don't know it, 99% of the time are in fact, still not accidentally attracted to each other because that's biological survival instinct. Anti inbreeding protocol. But they think because DANY was raised to think her families blood superiority driven incest is fine, that somehow means JON would think its fine. Jonsas have no argument for that they just have to pray desperately that Jon would want to fuck his little sister despite how much it makes him look like a predator.

I'm sorry, I hope you have water on hand to wash down all this goddamn salt I just threw at you all at once.

Really, it isn't individual lines that irk me, its the overall tendencies of these ships to put more emphasis on things that don't even exist to justify something they don't even realize WHY people think it's creepy. I don't hate a lot of ships, just...all pro incest ones, and ones that promote predatory/rapist behaviors. Which is why I don't ship much in this series.

We're probably not meant to ship many people in this series if I in any way understand even a modicum of why grrm writes the lack of romance the way he does.

[oddvanilla]

Im looking to get into football. Your the only person i know whos into it. Whats some stuff you think is important to know?

OMG OMG OMG AAAA I LOVE YOU SM *drops down to knees*

OKAY LISTEN...YOU WONT UNDERSTAND FOOTBALL IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THE RULES!! YOU WONT BE ABLE TO FIND NEYMAR ROLLING FUNNY IF YOU DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHATS A PENALTY AND WHY EVERYONE WANTS ONE SOO BAD

Cough cough visual representation ^

ILL TRY TO EXPLAIN TO YOU AS MUCH AS YOU NEED TO KNOW AS A BEGINNER LMAO

Okay so uh,, every team is made up of 11 players. 1 goalkeeper—a goalkeeper is like someone who stands at the goal net trying to not let the rival team score,, but you can just call them a goalie in slang!!! Depending on your formation, aka how you organise the rest of the players, you might have different numbers of defenders or strikers or middlefielders. Defenders are people near the goalkeeper trying to not let the opponent get past them and score, just like a goalkeeper, except the goalkeeper can hold the ball with their hands and throw it around (but according to FIFA rules, aka the Federation Internationale de Football Association who basically organise anything football, have like a 6 second rule on how long you can hold thr ball) AND ALSO. there's something called a box.

THE box is basically your limit on how far the goalkeeper can hold the ball to. Like once they get outside that box they need to put it back on the ground and kick it like any other player because you can't just be overpowered and hold it and run scoring a goal to the other side like you're playing basketball. Also YES goalkeepers CAN get out of that box area and play normally but that's like close to impossible just because you can doesn't mean you should...your goal is very vulnerable. Also the box is where we also do penalties which I'll get to in a second

Anyways,, besides defenders there's something called a middle fielder, staying at the middle of your side of the field. Obviously you saw that photo the stadium is split into 2 for 2 teams, each team has their own side and basically going into your rival's side is a counter attack, you're about to go score a goal and stuff. But the person who does the scoring is called a striker, basically your job is to make it through your opponent's defense and SHOOT into the goal. pretty lit tbh. To be a striker you need to be PRETTY fast to get through defense,, and have very good shooting skills (obviously) and probably a lot of training..

Random stock image for example of a line up,, goalie in yellow at the GOAL, above that is the defense, and above that is the middle, and the ones at the top are strikers/wingers

now for my favourite part:

Imagine you're a striker or whatever and while trying to score your rival's defense tackles you into the floor. Usually that's fine because hello?? That's their job?? BUT sometimes when it's very dangerous that it caused an injury or actually aggressive you get either 1) a yellow card, like a warning. If you get 2 of these in the same match you're out and suspended for this match. Or 2) a red card. Just a straight exit and thank you. Your tackle was so dangerous I'm afraid you don't need a warning. And in most cases, 3) a penalty.

Just you and the goalkeeper pretty much and you're so close to the net but it's also hard because the goalkeeper can play mind games and just catch it... THERE'S ALSO OTHER STUFF LIKE FREE KICKS AND OFFSIDE RULE THATS COMPLICATED SO YOU MIGHT NEED TO WATCH A VIDEO INSTEAD..but players wise like there's many footballers legends so let's just avoid that because I'm not doing the Messi or Ronaldo debate today. But for goodness sake just watch 1 video and you'll understand it easily.. favourite club and favourite player comes later when you learn game strategies and stuff🙏🙏

anyways. DID YOU KNOW THAT'S MY FAVOURITE QUESTION???? IM SO EXCITED I HOPE YOU LIKE THE SPORT I NEED FOOTBALL FRIEBDS DUDE

[directdoggointerviewarchive]

DirectDoggo interview with facts_indie (archive)

In 2022, the (no longer active) Twitter page "@Facts_indie" interviewed DirectDoggo creator of Dialtown and Dayshift at Freddy's. This is an archive so that it's easier to find in the future!

(Note: One of the account owners asked me to not name them by their name, so they will be referred to as "facts_indie")

Hey, y'all. I'm DirectDogman. I bang rocks together and sometimes, shoddy video games miraculously appear. I was the developer behind Dialtown: Phone Dating Sim, a quirky video novel on Steam and Dayshift at Freddy's 1-3 on GJ/Itch. I was asked by @facts_indie to do a lil interview, so I thought, why not? I'll answer the questions in the thread via this doc, just because Twitter's per-tweet character limit really screws with stuff like this.

I'll try to get to most questions, obviously I'll ignore duplicates or questions I feel may be silly or that I can't understand. Alright, 20 questions, let's go!

"do you get the phone/object heads in dialtown off of google/another site or do you just have all these phones/objects and take pictures yourself?" (Dialtown quest) - @cryptictones Answer: I don't source assets from google images as that'd be illegal! (Assets on Google Images are just web search results, and images you find on there are generally copyrighted media!) I use a mix of licensed stock media and photos of phones/objects that I've taken photos of. All of the datable heads, for instance, are real world photos (with the exception of Karen, whose head is a 3d model, alongside the player's and Callum Crown's!)

"Do you plan on translating Dialtown into other language?" - @WaddleAAAAAAAA Answer: "Nope! I don't speak any language completely fluently other than English, and Dialtown is too writing-heavy to really just pass off to a translator without letting them know what they're in for. It'd cost a fortune to get Dialtown translated by any service, and to be frank, I think the game'd be excruciatingly weird to translate. Dialtown uses a lot of really funky goblin language and I doubt that'd translate exactly into other languages as we'd read it, heh heh."

"When does dialtown take place? Also, how do you pronounce Gingi's name?" - @veronicaisdead_

Answer: Dialtown takes place in 202X. Gingi's name is pronounced however it sounds in your head!

"whats your favorite dialtown passersby i like little billy a lot" -@iceandwinter

Answer: Passerby, huh? Well, I'm partial to Nathan in Downtown. Some of the NPCs in Dialtown are incoherent and some are British, but Nathan is the intersection of that venn diagram. Special.

"Why did you use voice forge for willy afton" (DSaF Question) - @That1Acer 

Answer: Because it sounded funny as shit. Of all the voices for William to have, c'mon! I'd do it again.

"Whats your favorite character from DSaF and from Dialtown?" - @WaddleAAAAAAAA

Answer: From DSaF? Probably Phone Guy, predictably enough, as a whole. I turned the overworked middle manager from canon into an entire species of exploited worker. A big theme of DSaF's satire was the idea that with every new FNaF game, there's a new location in the FNaF timeline, and thus, more dead kids, etc. DSaF's comical timeline is the culmination of stacking tragedies upon tragedies into the same timeline until suspension of disbelief gives way. It's the ordinary FNaF premise, but extrapolated to comic levels, really. I have big issues with the actual nitty-gritty timeline for DSaF, which is pretty concrete and has few holes for its overall size, but yeah, that's something I'm glad I parodied with DSaF. And y'know, The DSaF 3 phone guy character arcs had a huge impact on what Dialtown ended up becoming for sure.

For Dialtown, no idea. I do enjoy writing Mayor Mingus a lot, Callum Crown and God are also fun! Oh, and Tango. Ray of sunshine, that guy. Actually, player dialogue is pretty funny too, I like how specifically unhinged a lot of it comes off as. Man, I'm spoiled for choice here.

How did you decide on what traits to give the main cast (Norm being a space cowboy, Karen's inability to detect sarcasm, ect.) (Dialtown question) - @Brainrot_real Answer: Oh man, that was entirely different for each character. For Randy, I was rummaging around for potential props and found the old Nokia in the same drawer as the gauze wraps and naturally thought of how funny it was seeing the two together, given that Nokias are associated with their durability, and bandages are for, y'know, broken flesh. The name "Randy" and the phone sex-hotline part came shortly after, pretty much just like that (Randy's full name is a stupid pun.) After I figured out that the hands were bandaged, I thought "huh, how on earth could he have ended up with such mangled hands?" and sure enough… I'd been bitten by a swan not long before production began and the bite(s) were fresh on the mind. So. It was so.

A lot of Karen's character is pretty much an answer to things I personally think aren't depicted enough in autistic characters. Autistic scientists and mathematicians are common in media, but autistic artists tend to get overlooked. Also, typically, autistic characters in fiction tend to either fully understand sarcasm (and hence, it's not mentioned) or they're unable to literally comprehend a sarcastic statement even after it's been fully explained. I wanted to have a middleground where Karen misses idioms first-time, but gets them each subsequent time she re-hears it, because she remembers the explanation. 

For Oliver: Early on, I knew I wanted a character who was dressed in plaid and spoke like a greaser. My friend Phil pointed out that Randy and Karen both had head decals (bandage + horse sticker), but that proto-Oliver hadn't. (He was fezless). So, I thought to myself: "Hey, maybe I should add something cool, like a hat?" Exciting stuff, I know. Anyway, my mind instantly jumped to the fez. Guy comes off as a fez wearer to me, anyway. Bet he adores that thing. Fun fact, I almost cut Oliver from the game during development (I originally had 6 datables, not 5, and decided to cut one of the 6 before production ended to make the game's scope more manageable.) I almost cut Oliver instead of the guy who was cut. It's weird imagining a Dialtown without Oliver, huh? Guess I made the right call.

Bigfoot… I want to believe, man. Look, me? I'm a lover of all things Squatch. Enough said. I wore the Bigfoot suit in Dialtown. When my buddy took shots of me wearing the suit, I made the ape noises Bigfoot makes in-game for EVERY shot. Had to. Wouldn't have turned out right if I didn't mantle the Squatch metaphysically, y'know?

Norm Allen's name can be attributed to Phil too, that pun was his idea, though making him a sergeant was mine. After the name was on the table, the space motif was considered as one possible reason to explain how a human being with a normal head had time traveled to a time where phone heads had taken over. I remember pitching another alternate Norm to a few friends, he was in a cryptid investigation FBI-esque bureau, akin to the well-known SCP Foundation or Men in Black/Area 51. Reason I went with NASA in the end was the stronger visual identity (space suits are instantly recognizable, unlike�� black suits and shades. Yawn.) Norm being a cowboy kinda came from the conflict I'd already developed in the game's earlier draft with Mingus already banishing Norm early on. I knew why Mingus had gotten rid of Norm, and with a spaghetti-western-esque plot developing and with a showdown at the end, I decided to finalize making him a cowboy as well as a spaceman because it's kind of thematically funny. It's probably fair to say that there's a little bit of Fallout New Vegas in him, the whole spaceman meets cowboy aesthetic. God, I adore that game.

Phonegingi came to me pretty much all at once, like a chair to the face. Actually, if I recall correctly, the very first scene of the game was the first Dialtown dialogue I ever put to paper? Close to it, if not the very first scene. Egglaying. Yeah.

"Theres any scrapped ideas for yours games you realy want to use in future projects?" - @dawnmaskedguy

Answer: Dialtown has an insane number of scrapped scenes and lil arcs. If I ever make DLC or sequels, I won't be short of ideas to pull from! ;)

"Question: will the dog EVER get to fully consume the waffle?" - @Cattusontwitt

Answer: Just as the Greek emo Sisyphus eternally pushes his boulder up the hill, only for it to roll back down just as it reaches the top, some bites are just too big to be finished. Not tonight.

"How did you came up with the idea of Dialtown?" - @rubesova_anna

Answer: This isn't the most interesting story, but one I get asked a lot! The last series I'd developed before Dialtown, Dayshift at Freddy's, had these guys with phones for heads in 'em. In each game, you got closer and closer to your resident phone person (going from distant coworkers in DSaF 1, to siblings in DSaF 2, to then giving them life advice and therapy pretty much in 3!), and I had a parody spinoff game idea using Phone people (of course) that involved dating phone guys as the 'next step' in phone-to-man intimacy (there was a lot more to the idea than that of course, lots of other off the wall stuff.) My friend Phil, upon hearing the pitch in its entirety, said "I really liked the phone dating bit. I'd play a whole game based on that part alone", which made me say "Oh snap… Give me a moment." and Dialtown's plot was drafted VERY soon after that! Same deal as DSaF, really, it was the best part of a weaker pitch fully developed as its own idea.

"I'm a bit curious about this.. How did you come up with the idea of Dayshift at Freddy's?" - @CreativeGamer22

Answer: I was experimenting with RPG Maker (tinkering away, as I often did) and I had the idea of creating a lil free roam pre-rendered FNaF fangame where you work for the rebooted Freddy's restaurant franchise after FNaF 3. Springtrap, BB, the whole thing was a fever dream. Anyway, the game ended with the player being transferred to the Dayshift, and I thought it'd be cool to show the place during the day, and I think I was the first fangame developer to really attempt this. Felt super obvious, the more I thought of it later, and goes to show how the game has cemented itself in the fandom, even now.

Either way, upon playing my first completed alpha build, I was kinda disappointed with how boring and uninspired the early gameplay that took place at the restaurant itself after-hours (like all official FNaF stuff) felt. But, I felt the Dayshift part at the end had so much potential and thought of many ways to build off it. In the end, I decided to start again from scratch. DSaF 1 was my second attempt at this first concept.

"Favourite FNaF animatronic and why? [ ] If you had the chance to have a FNaF game remade, which would it be and why?" - @The_NeonGhoul

Answer: My favourite FNaF animatronic is Golden Freddy (any version)! Has been for a long time. Have a soft spot for Springtrap too, though he really has become a prune now, hasn't he? FNaF 2. I feel like every FNaF game was constructed from a perfect base concept and each game captures its core concept by differing amounts. In my opinion, 1 does the best job at reaching its 'core' potential (it's exactly what it needs to be, no more, no less) and 2 does the 'least' good job of reaching its own potential (lot of great ideas/iconic characters introduced, but the game is kinda vast compared to 1, and its mechanics/the robots' AI's just don't scare me at all. I've even beaten every mode in FNaF 2 other than 10/20 mode. The gameplay loop is extraordinarily easy to cheese.) There isn't a main series FNaF title I don't like, but 2'd be my pick to completely remake from scratch, as a nice 'what if', y'know? Scott did a MUCH better of job than I'd have done in his shoes, designing the rest of the series with only FNaF 1 as a base, but half a decade of contemplation later, I'd love to be a creative designer/director with complete creative control over a FNaF 2 remake… if I wasn't busy with my other work, naturally.

"What's your overall goal with creating games/content creation?" - @dirtynoodlebowl

Answer: Hmm. Big question. First and foremost: I love the process. I love making stupid lil games and publishing them online, seeing people bond with the characters. It's neat to see, and 99% of the time, it's a really positive experience for the developer. Also: I know I'm definitely not doing this for money, 'cause I've still got a day job, heh heh. I'm always amazed when I see fanart, or when I see videos on youtube of DT footage with a lot of interaction. I don't think there's one single reason I do this, but "I enjoy it" is probably the closest that I can give. I think if I stopped, my brain'd explode due to the viciousness of the 3 brain cells I'd have floating around in here that'd be now completely unsupervised and thoughtless. Game design allows me to share weird dialogue with strangers all over the world through the medium of dating sims about antique phones. That's not an everyday kind of opportunity, y'know?

"what inspired you to become a game dev?" - @Dabominhiding

Answer: Hey, y'ever see those Goosebumps books that have narrative choices in 'em? Y'know, you'll get to the bottom of a page and a little bit of text on the footer'll say "Turn to page X to enter room A, turn to page Y to enter room B", allowing you to make a choice that affects what happens next in the story. That kinda stuff. Anyway, I read one of these as a kiddin' and it dawned on me that stories could be written with diverging paths that react to reader intentions, and that made my wee lil mind race. I tried to write my own story with diverging paths, physically, on large amounts of fax paper. The end result was a mess to say the least. A little later on, I discovered text games online and realized that you could use game design or scripting tools to tell stories with paths that diverge depending on what the viewer decides, like in those Goosebumps stories, but with no awkward page flipping, and you could track as many details as you wanted without the viewer even knowing what info you've held onto. Adding visuals + music to the text game formula gives you visual novels, which is what I make. I love telling stories and realizing that game design as a medium can transmit stories that no other art form fully can the same way is what pulls me back towards game development any of the times in the last few years that I've come close to entirely quitting, and boy, have there been close calls. I often once thought about backing away entirely, y'know. Anyway, the element of choice/user interactivity that games allow for is still magic to me. To be frank, most of the games I made pre-DSaF weren't uploaded (and the few that were didn't stay up for very long.) Mainly, they were just enjoyed on my desktop PC, hanging with my friends after school, us laughing at our heads edited onto sprites, full of in-jokes, etc. Scott Cawthon releasing Five Nights at Freddy's really changed that though, because I didn't just kinda get into FNaF. I was hooked, and hung around in places where the other people who refreshed Scottgames.com hung out. FNaF was the first fandom I became really integrated in, and I quickly realized that I was missing out on a lot by never publishing my stuff. So, I swore in 2014 to publish games one day!

"What was the inspiration for turning Henry into the big bad?" (DSaF Question) - @BigMadRabbit

Answer: I thought it'd be a neat inversion, setting up William (Dave) as an obvious contender for the role of the series villain, as he is in canon FNaF, only for someone much worse to appear out of left field, and by its very nature, act as an explanation for how things ended up their own unique flavours of fucked up, essentially. Judging from user feedback I've gotten over the years, it seemed to have been a popular call.

How long did the development of each game take and were there any issues/problems during it? (All Games) - DNoshit

Answer: For DSaF 1-3, I'm afraid I don't know off the top of my head as we're talking about over half a decade ago now for DSaF 1's development. Hell, 2's early development too. I remember small issues cropping up involving small engine quirks and for some of 'em, I never found out the cause 'til Dialtown development started. But, by and large, the games came out just fine. Those games have… rough edges to say the least. That general lack of quality control definitely helped speed things along, no doubt.

Dialtown took 3 years. The biggest issue I had with them is with these goddamned mobile ports, partly because an OS update broke one build and an app store criteria change forbade DT from being on its platform. Some hassles just aren't worth it.

"Why isn’t there more god?" (Dialtown) - @KittyPi53783769

Answer: I hate to break it to you, but there's a ton of cut God content on paper! It's all canon (well, most of it, anyway), but none of it's shown in-game. I just couldn't justify giving such a worthless NPC so much screen time! The universe was created a good, what, ten thousand years ago, for cryin' out loud, the dude's GOTTA stop milking the universe that he churned up a couple o' eons ago and put something NEW out! Washed up hasbin.

"What’s their favorite Easter egg?" - @EggsNoCntxt

Answer: Favourite easter egg in any of my games are the gnomes in Dialtown. If you know, you know.

"What creature is phonegingi" - @risepticeye

Answer: Good question.

"Do you plan on making more dialtown related contents? Maybe sequel or something else very different but related to it?" - @LathyLatte

Answer: Dialtown has only been out for a couple of months so far, so it might be a little early to answer this question. Truth be told, I cannot see the future. Fuck, man, I'm nearsighted, so I struggle to even see the present. That being said, I do really like Dialtown. 

That being said, I've also had a few other projects come across my desk that would also have a lot of potential, non-Dialtown related stuff. Ah, the agony of choice. At the moment, I'm enjoying the rest while my creative batteries recharge. 3 years of development time DRAINS you, so the last thing I'd wanna do is announce anything tonight. BUT: If Dialtown's fandom continues to grow, perhaps that could motivate me to shake the moss off of myself and churn some more phone related stuff out? Just maybe. ;)

 (Finally a bonus 21st question from @facts_indie, who asked me to do the interview) "What advice do you have for aspiring game developers?"

Answer: Oh, man. That's actually real tough to answer since I'm not really anywhere near the end of my journey yet and definitely not somewhere I'm comfortable giving advice for achieving success from. I guess if you wanna do what I do, just consider the obvious: You will work on content you're excited for, and it won't do as well as you'd have hoped. Maybe sometimes, maybe all the time. You will do game design at a LOSS before you ever make a cent off it, that is, if you do ever make a profit off it. If you are fully willing to accept the last 2 tips, then good news, you no longer need advice. You "have" what it takes, now! I can't honestly tell you "Oh, just do what I do, and you'll succeed!" because… like I said, I'm still working a day job right now. Yeah, I'm calling it, 3 years from now, I'll either own my own country or be lying dead in a dumpster in Belarus. Maybe we can revisit my bountiful choices then. Until then, all I really have are the three practical pieces of advice that got me THIS far.

Make what you wanna make and do it because YOU want to. I can't emphasize this enough, if not making money off game design is a dealbreaker for you starting, then steer clear from it. Like say, the indie animation field, it's a lot of work for comparatively little payoff and what becomes successful and what doesn't is largely random in the end. But, if you love it, the work's its own reward. Game design will be torture if you're watching your numbers constantly, bemoaning your lack of success as people discover you.

But, if your head is completely focused on your work itself and you know why you're doing this, you'll be okay. This point is specifically if you're looking for what I have, by the way. You could also just go to college and get a degree in game design, get a development job at a company, though that's very far removed from creating your own stories and characters and publishing them online for all to see, which is what I do.

Generally speaking, if you do wanna make a game, try to make a game that you can make more or less on your own. The one definite reason none of my work ever got publicly canned kinda suddenly (like a lot of big FNaF fangames from yesteryear that you can likely remember) is because when I decide what kind of game I want to make, I keep my own limitations in mind and avoid games that would require lots of essential team members. Remember: Each core position you add to your project is another position that will need to be filled if a team member walks, and 99% of the time I've seen a fangame project get canned, it was not long after somebody significant left, yet another vacancy opened up and the lead just gave up trying to pass the cursed project between collaborators. I'll give y'all a for instance here: I love working with Nathan Hanover (composer of Porkchop's Adventure or The Joy of Creation story mode), but if Nathan declared me a villainous fiend and declared I couldn't use any of their music again… I have (albeit depressing) royalty free options. Granted, those tracks wouldn't be even a fraction as good as what Nathan makes, but the sudden split wouldn't cancel any project I was working on with them. I'm sure it sounds kinda callous to say "Don't make big games that you can't complete without the help of others", but I'll put it this way… If you spent months working on something, pouring your all into it, do you really want to hand someone else the power to decide whether or not your game gets finished? I've seen this first-hand and it's heartbreaking. Hell, I've seen this RECENTLY. Also important: No developer releases their magnum opus first, and the key to maybe getting there is getting started. Small releases can help you get a few games out there.

Determination. You really can't do jack shit without it. Some parts of game development royally SUCK. It takes forever and in the end… … …BUT, if you can persevere, good gravy, you've got an immensely time consuming and sometimes very rewarding hobby.

And that's it. I have no better advice to give you, 'cause if I had THAT, well, I'd be first in line to test it!

Alright, that's it, those are my answers!  I hope these answers sufficed and whatnot. Obvious shill now: you can get my latest game, Dialtown: Phone Dating Sim on Steam riiiight over here. Buy it for yourself, or like, a friend, if you hate them. Come on dooown…….. *bares teeth like stressed chimpanzee*

[shi-daisy]

A Welcome Accident

It's finally here, Ulquihime Week! I'm a certified humbug during December but at least I have my own little thing to look forward to when it comes to these two. I will try to contribute for each entry but my schedule is a bit packed, as such I could miss some days. But for now I intend to deliver some funny and slight saucy fluff with our babies. Hope you like!

@ulquihimeweek

Ulquihime Week- Day 1 Text/Wrong Number

A Welcome Accident

Orihime still wasn't sure about this. While she was certain she wanted to have a wedding night to remember and to try and seduce her husband to be during their honeymoon she had no idea as to where to start.

"Relax we'll help you find something stunning!" Rangiku beamed as she was already searching for pieces on the lingerie store.

Tatsuki rolled her eyes. "My girlfriend needs an intervention. You two go on ahead. I'll try to convince Rangiku to put down half of whatever pile she collects."

Halibel placed a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry too much. I'm certain that Ulquiorra will love whatever you pick."

"Thanks Hali. I'm still happy to have you here for assistance."

"Don't know of how much assistance I may be dearie. I bought a set once and Nnoitra merely smirked and said 'Looks good on you, now let me rip it off.' This man can be infuriatingly impatient sometimes."

Orihime chuckled. She was sure Ulquiorra would be a little more restrained, still she longed for a good reaction.

Given that this would be honeymoon attire, she decided to pick white pieces to wear which would be easily combined with her dress. After picking a few she made her way to the changing room.

Orihime wanted to try on her favorite first. It was a white corset with embroided rose patterns, silk undies and long white transparent stocking to match. She didn't have her shoes here but was certain that her heels would suit the look well.

Since she didn't want to go out of the changing room in such attire, she took a selfie and was ready to send it to the Besties chat group.

What do you think of this one? It's my favorite!

Orihime pressed send and didn't realize her mistake until she received an answer.

Woman, I do not know why you've sent me such a thing but I'm certainly enjoying this view very much.

Her eyes widened when she read the contact name, as she hadn't seen the picture to the besties group but to the BF chat she had with Ulquiorra.

Her husband sent her a selfie too. He was blushing profusely and his green eyes shimmered with lust as he grinned at her.

There was no way she could keep this a surprise anymore, strangely enough she didn't mind.

Orihime decided to take a few more pictures, posing for her fiancé. She was unsure of what she was doing, but Ulquiorra absolutely adored every single one.

Finally he called. Orihime's breath ceased when she heard his needy raspy voice.

"If you keep sending me photos like that I might walk over there and ravish you before the wedding."

"Seems I have your approval then...Do you want me to go see you after we're done here."

"I'd love that, but are you sure? I know you wanted to wait until our wedding night for this."

She smiled. Pleased that Ulquiorra was always so understanding. "I did but even if I accidently sent the picture, a part of me has been craving you for a while now. I don't think I can wait another three weeks. I need you too."

"Then by all means. Come to me and we can have a night to remember. In fact, I'll send you some incentive via text. Wait a moment."

It took a few minutes for the message to appear. Orihime turned beet red at the fact that Ulquiorra had sent her a picture. He wore a black collar and a leather outfit Orihime once jokingly said would look sexy on him.

See you at home, Mistress! 😈

She changed and paid for the lingerie as fast as humanly possible. Orihime didn't even have time to answer the girls before she bolted out the door. 'Thank kami for mistaken texts she thought as she rushed out.

"What was that about?" Rangiku questioned as she carried a pile of nighties out of the change room.

"I think she has some 'business' to tend to." Halibel responded.

From her tone the other two knew what she meant. All the girls ended up in a fit of giggles as they left the shop. if things kept on going well they'd to have return sometime in the future for a baby shower gift

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

045 of 2024

Created by sofay

Choose: The ability to speak any language or play any instrument?

Languages, hands down. There are a few instruments I'd like to play, but I wouldn't need to know them all, for real.

Are you planning to spend a large sum of money any time soon?

No. I just got paid yesterday and half of it went to my savings.

Do you prefer listening to music through speakers or headphones?

Headphones, it's like I'm inside the sound.

The last time you injured yourself: How did it happen?

Stupid way, I burned my finger with a lighter while doing an illegal thing at work lol.

If you met yourself, would you befriend them?

I don't think so, but who knows. Life is surprising sometimes.

In your opinion, what's the best cure for the hiccups?

I'm still looking for one because I get them too frequently and it's not even funny anymore.

The shoes you wore today: What do they look like?

Work shoes, steel-toed, without shoelaces.

If you have a garage, do you tend to just fill it with junk?

I don't have a garage.

Would you prefer to live in an apartment, house or other?

I would love to have a house with a big garden, but nope, I have to share walls with neighbours.

The room you're in currently: Does it have carpet, tiles or other?

Tiles. It's normal here to have tiles in the living room.

How cold are you currently?

Not cold at all, rather the opposite.

Do you ever feel that people don't actually know The Real You?

I don't think about it. I'm always myself, you either love it or hate it.

What's your current occupation? Would you change it, if you could?

I work in a rolling stock company and I build trains, and no, I would never ever change it to anything else.

Are you wearing perfume today? What does it smell of?

I got some peach-scented spray at work; so that's it.

The last time you cried: Why were you upset? (Or happy, as the case may be)

The last time was last year, my cat passed away. It's too light to say "upset" in the case like this.

When did you last have toothache?

Long time ago and I hope it stays that way.

What are you planning to have for dinner tonight? (Or what did you have)

I know there are some plans for pork, but 1. I don't like pork, and 2. I'm not hungry at all.

What's your favourite hot drink?

Hot chocolate.

When was the last time you sneezed?

Yesterday? I was cleaning the dust, so that's why.

If you had the day off tomorrow, what would you do with your time?

Tomorrow is Saturday.

Do you prefer laptops or computers?

Laptops, you can move them.

Does your mobile phone have a touch screen?

Well, in the smartphone era it's hard to find a phone without touch screen.

Name one food item you eat fairly often:

Soups.

Do you prefer talking on a mobile or landline?

Landline is obsolete these days, and it's a pity, because I liked landlines.

The last thing you took a photo of: What was it?

An old entrance to my factory.

Do you prefer writing with pens or pencils?

Pens, the smoother, the better.

Name one place you'd like to visit as soon as possible:

Poland again.

Name one song you could listen to over and over:

Focus by Vildhjarta.

Has anyone ever used a pick up line on you? What did they say?

No, I use pick up lines.

What's one good thing that happened today?

I worked hard and had a good nap.

Name the last good movie you watched:

I don't watch movies.

Are you any good at cooking? What's your speciality?

I'm decent, my specialty is soups.

Do you prefer plain, coloured or patterned socks?

Doesn't matter, as long as they're clean.

When it's Winter, do you wish it could just be warm already?

All the time.

When you wake, what is it that you think of most?

Oh no.

Are you home alone currently?

No, there's four of us (yes, cat included).

When was the last time you gave up on something / someone?

Long time ago.

[johnathan-armanithan]

What a fucking NIGHTMARE.

I woke up this morning at 5AM, Tuesday June 28th, 2022.

Took my shower, woke the wife, got dressed, woke the oldest, got 2 pairs of shorts out of the dryer i still needed to pack, watered the plants in the house, watered the plants in the back yard on the patio, took the suitcase down to the car, got the portable blu-ray player with 20 hours of movies, got board games for the family, cleaned some dishes, helped pack food, looked for my oldest shoes that we can't find... loaded the car and set off.

BUT MY DUMB ASS THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO PLAY THE THEME SONG "HOLIDAY ROAD" FROM National Lampoons Vacation while getting ready...

Gassed up the car and headed south.

No problems until we hit the Ohio/West Virginia boarder in Gallopolis. The car says

LOW TIRE PRESSURE.

That means a catastrophic failure in my tires integrity. So we stop at a Loves truck stop off Rt35

Put air in the tire. I can hear and feel the leak.

SHIT!

So I bust ass towards the nearest tire center that is 11 miles and 15 minutes away. But I feel the ass end getting squirrely.

So I stop at a Speedway and put more air into it just trying to preserve the tire so I don't have to buy a new one.

Put air into the tire and bust ass to a damned Walmart tire center.

We get there, ask the to see if it can be patched, there are 2 people ahead of us. So we wait... there is a hair salon in the damned Walmart. We see if they can cut the boys hair. It will be 10:30 before they can and that's too long so we go back to the tire department.

"We can't patch your tire because the inner tread is bald."

"OK, put a new tire on it for me please."

"We don't carry that size and need to order it. It will be two days."

(Turns out 245/40/19 is not a common size tire so fuck me, right?)

"I DONT HAVE TWO DAYS BECAUSE IM MEETING A FAMILY AT OUR RESORT THE NEXT DAY AT 4..."

"Well... try Dailey tire, maybe they will have one."

So I call and wouldn't you know, they DO! They had two 245/40/19 tires!

So I send my wife to the hair appointment for the boys, I have the dude at the tire center use a Cheetah (pressure tank) to fill my tire and then rip ass town the road to Dailey's

I pull up, tires flat, they drop me in bay 4 as shown, grab the new tire, (A Goodyear, we have Pirelli"s) jack up the car, pull the lugs, "Hey pops grab me the hammer", "The big one or the small one?", "Small one will work.", knocks the wheel off, shows me TWO punctures, and dismounts, mounts, and balances the tire all in 15 minutes.

$212.00

I go back to Walmart and sit until 11:30 till the boys are done with their haircuts and hop back on the road 2 hours behind schedule.

$60 including tip

Trip is smooth sailing.

LOW TIRE PRESSURE

What. The. Fuck. WHY!?

I tell my wife fuck it let's just find a service center.

CLOSEST ONE IS 15 MILES IN THE APPALACHIAN MOUNTAIN'S IN BLUEFIELD?

This time I drive the motherfucker till its wopwopwopwopwopwop.... and stop in the middle of Butt Fuck Egypt under an overpass outside of fucking Bluefield West Virginia.

And I start calling.

And calling.

And calling.

There are 18 listed tire shops or service centers in the above photo. 6 of them never answered.

The other 12 don't carry 245/40/19 because it is an uncommon size.

Walmart - "we can get it in two days."

Sam's Club - "we can get it in two days."

B&M tire - "I don't know how long."

The damned Ford dealership, (we have a Lincoln) - "we don't have tires in stock we get them delivered when you schedule a service. We can have it by 10:30 tomorrow."

Kitts tire service - we can have it by 9:30 tomorrow. "

All of them besides Kitts suggested I go to motherfucking Kitts.

So my wife is contacting roadside through our insurance company and needs a drop-off so I tell her Walmart just to get it somewhere off the highway. I keep trying to find a damned 245/40/19 and realize that we won't arrive to Orlando the next day until 10:30PM If the wind blows right, a unicorn farts magic dust into our gas tank, nobody needs to eat or piss, and I don't blow another fucking tire!

The tow driver shows up after an hour and a half. He says, "Did you try Kitts?" Well shit, everybody said Kitts. "Tow us to Kitts, they can get us one by 9:30 in the morning". Maybe we can make it by 10:30PM in Orlando leaving the other family by themselves for 6 hours. (They can't check in without us because they are our guest.)

He replies, "I can't without clearance from your insurance company." (See confused meme above)

Wife frantically tries to contact the claims department, she's freaked out and falling apart silently, I'm shutting down, the driver walks up and starts the process of getting us to Kitts.

"Just tell em I took you to Walmart."

He unloads us on the left and I have the brilliant idea to call all the dealerships in the area. Surely one of them has a 245/40/19

Toyota - "nope"

Subaru - "nope, have you tried Kitts?"

Chevy - "nope"

Dodge - "we don't have inventory, we get them as needed"

Other Toyota - "try the other Toyota store, we get what we need from them."

Now understand during all of this I have a 13 and almost 8 year old asking when we will get to Orlando. My wife is trying to cancel our hotel in Savanna, Georgia while talking to the other family meeting us, dealing with insurance, trying to calm down, and get us a hotel in wherever we are for the night.

Hyundai - "sorry we don't have a tire department, we send them to Nissan. (Same family owns them I think.)

I call Nissan, "Hey I'm in a bind, I'm looking for an odd ti...." I get a tap on the shoulder.

It's the owner of Kitts.

"Hey, we have your tire in the back. We just found it. In fact we have two and didn't know it. They aren't in the inventory......."

Look. I'm am not ashamed to tell you I cried on the spot. Silently but still, I wiped tears out of my eyes.

$240

(Side note, a gottdamned McLaren drove past this tire shop while I was on the phone with my dad while they were installing our tire) in THIS town?

So here I am, in my hotel bed next to my 13 year old with my wife snoring 3 feet away from me, at 1:24 in the morning after shaving 45 minutes off a 6.5 hour stretch doing 15 to 20 MPH over the limit through Virginia, North and South Carolina and 12 miles into Georgia.

We should have got here at 6PM. We got here at 11, we're $500 poorer and we haven't even reached Orlando yet.

Don't EVER listen to "Holiday Road" before going on a trip. Nothing good will happen.

Until tomorrow, bye bitches.

[abybweisse]

Cosplay shenanigans, part four

Several more people asked me to pose for/with them on Sunday at Greater Austin Comic Con. Including an author with a booth; he and his wife (I guess?) didn't know the character or series too much, but I think he said his daughter loves manga/anime and might recognize me. Then he handed me a book and asked me to pose with it, saying he wants to use the photo in a promo (online, like on his Instagram or something), so there's possibly a pic of that now... or soon. They gave me a business card, so I should be able to find it, if they posted the pic. I'll add that here later, like in an update, if anyone else wants to look into it... or check out their books.

A reporter from the local CBS news station did a quick video-recorded interview of me, my cosplay, why I attended the convention, etc... and I awkwardly replied. 👨🏾🎥💀 Just a few minutes of basic Q&A. I have no idea whether that footage will ever see the light of day, but perhaps. He gushed over my cosplay because he recognized the character and loved my cosplay.

What else? Oh, yeah. A guy handed me a cash tip after I chatted with his family (mostly his wife, who loves Undertaker) and posed with his wife for some pics. $4, I think. He asked if I accepted tips, and I said I would, though I said I never expect them. Their kid was funny and asked for a dog biscuit. I almost gave him one, but his parents apparently didn't catch it when I asked if it was okay, so the kid and I both dropped the request. 🐕 🦴 🍪 😂

There's more to say, but I'll save it for later. Have some cosplay pics:

Inspector Gadget and Dr. Claw (turned around in his chair):

Star Wars characters (there were a ton of them, but I only got a few pics):

Alucard from Castlevania, an Alien and two Predators [these are kids, and the Xenomorph there is 7 (she was great at camping up the performance, too! I saw her do funny stuff for some other poses); some of their dads were also dressed as Predators], and Guts from Berserk:

A Fox and an Opal. I'm not sure what they are from, but these are serious cosplays! Every time I saw either of these, I just melted 🫠 inside, and I saw each of them around many times. 😆 Oh, I almost forgot!!!, but later I saw the fox again, and I wanted to tell him how much I loved his look (his mask moves when he makes expressions and talks), and the fox dude said "I want to tell you a secret" and then he got really close and purred in my ear a few times. ☺️ He had a nice voice.... 😊 *coughs* Heh 😏 I wonder what he looks like under all that cosplay.... 👀

I also met this young girl (and her father); she was wearing a bright orange long-haired wig, a cute dress, and with a white stocking over her head, completely covering her face, so she looked faceless. Her dad was wearing a homemade black and silver(?) mask. I wanted to compliment the girl on her cosplay but apologized I don't recognize either of their characters. That's when I found out they were both ocs of hers. Her dad gave me more information and said he's speaking for her because she's too shy. I asked if she was published, and when she said "no", I said I'll have to keep an eye out for when she does publish. "Keep writing!" The characters looked simple but cool. Have to admit I got a little teary-eyed as I walked away. So cool. Next generation of comic artists/writers right there. 😊 🥹

Too many pics Sunday, so I'll post at least one more set.

[gloryofluv]

Order Up! (Coffee Shop AU) Chapter 10

Oh, Alex, you always find commonality in kindred spirits! The broken tend to look for each other, don't they? (picture brought you by my awesome brain fucking around with filter on a stock photo)

Previous Chapter

Alex was standing outside on her break on the phone and nearly growling as she stood by her car. Of all the frustrating, stupid fucking things. She rolled her neck. This was truly ridiculous. Routine. That’s all she wanted. Applicable routine!

The call came off hold. “Miss, I just spoke to the doctor. She said unless you schedule an appointment, we can’t refill your medication.”

“What do you mean? I’ve been taking these for years?” Alex snapped and shifted her hips. “Why? This is the first time I’ve had to come in. She knows how I feel about doctor’s offices. We’ve always done tele appointments when it’s needed.”

“Miss, I’m sorry, but you haven’t had a physical in several years, and our policies are changing. We have to be sure everything is working together well. I’m sure you’ve received your email or letter,” the receptionist told her.

“Ok, but I’m out of it this weekend. I have severe ADHD. It’s in my file. Can’t she fill it for just the weekend? I have tons of things to do, and I doubt you make evening appointments,” Alex breathed and rolled her neck. This wasn’t what she liked. She definitely didn’t like someone poking at her and saying what was wrong with her.

“We have an appointment available at three tomorrow if that’s late enough,” the receptionist declared.

“Do you have a Friday morning available?” Alex questioned while tightening her jaw.

“No, we have a two o’clock on Friday,” She responded.

“Okay, do you have a morning appointment tomorrow?” she asked while running her fingers on her driver’s door. Alex was bouncing on her feet and swishing her hips. She despised this.

“The earliest we have is ten o’clock.”

Alex breathed and rocked her head. “That works. Does she need me to fast so we can do blood work?”

“Yes, that would be best. She’ll want to do a full workup. We can schedule a pap at the time if you like.”

Alex grimaced and breathed. “Yes, fine. Whatever it takes not to have to come in for a while.”

“I understand completely, Miss. I don’t know anyone who likes clinical visits,” the receptionist giggled.

Alex smiled and rocked her head. “Okay, tomorrow at ten. Got it. Should I bring in my other medication?”

“Ah, yes, please. It will make the visit swifter.”

“Thank you so much. I apologize for my frustration,” Alex murmured.

“Of course, we shall see you tomorrow.”

Alex hung up and rolled her neck again. “I hate this. Ridiculous unneeded shit.”

“I never liked doctor visits myself.”

Alex pivoted and blushed. Diavolo was standing there smoking some sort of vaporizer. “Hello, Diavolo. How are you today?”

Daddy Diavolo was in a pinstripe suit and looking sharp. What? Dammit, Jordan and his wicked nicknames for people. Alex licked her lips and ran her thumb over her fingernails.

He puffed and smiled while the cloud left his lips. “I’m doing pretty well. Barbatos went to snag us drinks while we were in the area. Business prattle irritates me occasionally. I needed to see a friendly face.”

Alex relaxed against her car and smiled. “That’s great that you at least are getting a caffeine bump. I have a few more minutes on my break if you want to chat.”

He tilted his head and shifted on his frame. “Lucifer told me you were going to rent a room from him. I think that’s fabulous.”

The pillow talk between them must be oddly stiff. Oh, god. What the fuck was wrong with her today. Alex had to shake off the image and rubbed the side of her neck. “Yes, it makes sense. I’m going to buy Jordan’s family home for them. I’ll find someplace to rent after the sale. It’s all in the works. Thank you for the stellar recommendation for the agent.”

Diavolo took the device to his mouth as he smiled and the vapor poured from his nose. “You’re welcome, but it’s quite deserving. That’s quite intelligent and loyal. Oh, what did the ocean say to the beach?”

Alex’s smile grew. “What did it say?”

“Nothing,” Diavolo snorted and then smiled. “It just waved,” he chuckled and waved his free hand before sliding it in his pocket.

Alex giggled and shook her head. “That’s ridiculously good.”

Diavolo laughed and nodded. “I thought so too! How do you feel about traveling?”

Alex shrugged her shoulders. “I always wanted to, but I didn’t get the chance when my parents died.”

“I, unfortunately, can’t say the same,” Diavolo shook his head. “When my father died, I visited three different countries to meet the regional operators in a week. I didn’t go very many places when I was younger because he was always working or traveling for business. However, I understand his plight now. Sometimes I just want to be home.”

“I’m sorry about your father,” Alex nodded.

Diavolo smirked and stepped toward her. “I know how you feel about your medication. It’s funny how one little pill eases the worst symptoms, huh? Science. Who would have thought?” he laughed.

“Yeah,” Alex puffed and shook her head. “I’d be more of a mess without it. I think I do alright now, though my doctor keeps telling me I need to see a therapist.”

He gestured to her. “Do you suffer from insomnia as well? What about stimming?”

Alex laughed and nodded. “I often play with my apron at work. At home, I mess with my hair more. I have plenty of object blindness, so that kind of helps living with all my parents’ things.”

“Masking?” Diavolo questioned.

Alex rocked her head. “All the time. Jordan calls it my alter ego. He thinks it’s some sort of superpower that I perfected with his encouragement.”

“I have a selection of 8D music I’ll send you for focus,” Diavolo nodded. “If you have any recommendations, I’m open to seeing. I’m always trying to explore new avenues.”

“That’s the dopamine search,” Alex laughed and nodded.

Diavolo let out a stream of laughter and rocked his head. “Yes, it certainly is, isn’t it, Alex.”

Alex checked her phone and breathed. “I have to go back inside.”

Diavolo gasped and held up his finger. “Here, I’ve been meaning to give this to you.” He dug in his breast pocket and handed her a small pin of a red devil smirking. “I’ve noticed you wear them on your hat, and I quite like that. My contribution,” Diavolo nodded.

She beamed and pressed her fist to her chest as she held it. “Thank you, Diavolo.”

“I will be texting you later when we’ll schedule our little date for your dress if that’s alright. If you want, I can email you instead of for formality,” He said while tilting his head.

“Text is fine. I just hate talking on the phone,” Alex giggled.

“Me too,” Diavolo groaned and grinned.

Alex laughed and shrugged. “I suppose we all have our mountains to climb.”

“Indeed. Enjoy the rest of your day, Alex. You added a bit of pep in my step.”

“Same, thank you,” she beamed and bowed her head before walking toward the cafe.

Well, you learn something every day. Diavolo, CEO and superpower in the world had ADHD? Well, that explains the goofy persona. That actually made Alex feel ten times better. She passed Barbatos and waved. He nodded at her with a small smile, and she skipped behind the counter.

Jordan arched his eyebrow as she snatched up her apron. “What did Daddy want today?”

Alex glanced out at him, taking another puff before meeting Barbatos in the parking lot with a bouncy stride. “To chat,” she settled with as she washed her hand at the sink.

“Interesting,” Jordan hummed.

Alex pocketed the pin and nodded. “Completely.”

“And did Daddy give you something special?” Jordan teased with an arched eyebrow.

“Can you stop with this? It’s really screwing me up, J,” Alex puffed with red cheeks. “I swear it. I’m going to accidentally call him that, and then I’ll be fired for sure.”

“Or taken to dinner,” Jordan laughed and shook his head. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop, for now. When are you moving in with the crazy terrors of the seven plagues?”

“This weekend,” Alex expressed as she went to the pastry case and began organizing what was in there with tongs. “Hey, Jordan, I have a weird question.”

“Shoot, babe,” he said while changing out the coffee and brewing a fresh batch.

“Do you think it’s weird for me not to date?”

“Yes, hun, I do, but don’t listen to Asmo. He’s surface energy until you get to know him. Any progress with Mr. Black Coffee?” Jordan asked.

Alex exhaled and shook her head. “I recently found out he’s unavailable.”

“Oh, that is a pity,” Jordan scrunched his nose. “I was really rooting for that. He seemed so into you.”

She shrugged her shoulders and smiled over at him. “I wasn’t that invested in it.”

“How about Sugar-free Vanilla?” Jordan asked with an arched eyebrow.

“I shouldn’t engage in any sort of drinks that I’m going to be in proximity to anyway,” Alex voiced as she set out more scones in the case.

“I suppose,” Jordan laughed as he leaned on the counter. “Oh, looky here. Here comes trouble . Sin never looked so tasty. If that boy were ever into experimenting, I’d be there in a hot second for that meal.”

Alex glanced at the door to see Beelzebub climb out of his car and pull on his shirt while Belphegor and Mammon soon joined. They all threw on shirts, and Alex had to scowl at that. What the hell did they do that they were shirtless?

The trio walked into the cafe, sweat still beading on their faces. Alex moved to her register and beamed. “Hey, boys. What have you been up to?”

Beel grinned as he wiped his forehead with his arm. “Alex, we have something exciting to tell you.”

“Yeah, but let me!” Mammon puffed and rolled his neck. “Ya, see, it was my idea, so I get to tell ya how great I am!”

“Okay, I’m listening,” Alex nodded.

“We broke into your house and cleaned out your backyard,” Belphegor snorted.

Mammon growled and shoved him. “I wanted to tell her. Why ya gotta be such a dick?”

“Oops,” Belphie smirked.

“But we found something,” Beel added.

“Yeah, we did,” Mammon snapped. “I did. I found it.”

“And then you tried to pocket it for money,” Belphie rolled his eyes.

“I did not!” Mammon huffed.

“Okay, guys, calm down. What did you find as you did your weird B&E? I’m not going to even go into how many people would be asking for you to break in and do the same.” Alex laughed as she shifted on her feet.

Beel dug in his jeans and produced a necklace with wings in the shape of a heart and a topaz. It was delicate, small, and a little dirty. “Oh!” Alex gasped. “That was my grandma’s from when she was little. Where was it?”

“In a tin box in the shed. It looks like someone put it in there to do yard work,” Belphie shrugged.

Beel offered it to Alex, and she beamed. “Thanks, you guys. My mom used to garden and must have set it in there when she had to turn the soil.”

“So, uh, that’s like really important,” Mammon hummed as he fixed his glasses. “Which means we did ya good.”

“Yes,” Alex beamed and placed the necklace in her pants pocket.

“So, we’re gonna wait for you,” Mammon smirked as he crossed his arms over his chest in a lean.

She shrugged and leaned on the POS screen. “How about all of you get a refreshing drink, and I’ll be done in just over an hour.”

They all were nodding, and she imputed their orders. She enjoyed their little bickering back and forth before they sat down with food and drinks. Jordan approached and leaned on her shoulder. “Doesn’t hurt to have weird friends, does it?” He whispered.

“No, I’m starting to see that,” she beamed as she glanced at him.

“Babe, I’ll never leave you, but I just want you to be loved, okay? You deserve it. I did plenty of checking when I hung out with Leviathan. They’re good guys.”

“I see that,” she voiced. “Thank you for being my misfit brother, Jordan.”

“Of course, Alex. You’re my little sister. Always,” He chuckled and kissed her hat before walking back over to the espresso machines.

@rsmrymnt-tea@otome-scribbles

[artsyxloner]

Not Just a Monster

Warning: severe Bullying, death, violence, very sad, eating disorder

[ So this Chapter is going to talk about some parts of Min Soo-Nico's past and leading up to what happened. I think you guys deserve some insight. Chapter 18 will return to normal. ]

17: Past Time Revealed

To be honest, the school was a place for kids just to be Terrorized and shrunken down to their little last fuck. I had walked out of the art class gripping my Sketchbook in hand.

I had bowed to my teacher Mrs. Choi before going. Just to be polite most kids weren't here. She smiled and waved me off, it was lunchtime and I had brought my Dosirak ( packed lunch) with me.

I had to stop by my homeroom to put away my sketchbook.

I decided not to eat at the canteen because it was too crowded. Plus I didn't like certain people that were there. So I eat outside it was much prettier not to be eating in.

Sitting down on a bench, I opened my container there was Tofu kimchi, white sticky rice. Taking my chopsticks I began to eat. It wasn't much because my mom has been limiting my portions.

She wants me to be like one of the skinny girls that didn't have to wear a large size skirt. Munching slowly, I heard a group of kids laughing Hysterically behind me.

Maybe they were laughing at something funny. Turning around to see what it was, there was nothing I got confused about? Where was it? But they continued to laugh.

The thing was they were staring at me laughing. But why? Their phones were out too. Like they were taking pictures or videos I didn't know for sure.

Calling to them I asked what was so funny. " what are you guys laughing at?" I yelled, they whispered to one other ignoring me. Soon they ran over to where I was.

" I think if you see this, you'll understand why we are." It was Kim Ji-Mun the new girl with the best visuals in our grade. " have a look." She turned the expensive phone towards me.

And what I saw next made me drop my chopsticks. My eyes were stuck on the screen I couldn't take my eyes off of it. " delete that!!" I begged to get up, trying to fix myself.

" Now why would I do that?" She scoffed, " no way, I think we'll be posting them?" I shook my head. " no you can!" I yelled my body started to shake. It was a picture of my skirt it had been brought up showing my underwear.

Students gathered around, seeing what the commotion was. I gulped, staring at the ground, " please, don't show anyone." I mumbled not able to take the embarrassment. If the others were to see I would the laughing stock of the whole school.

" wow this is embarrassing, fatty I just" she paused, " can't pass up this opportunity." She then took a photo of me either the flash on and posted the two pictures together to show the person with their skirt up was me.

There were some Notification alerts, everywhere, people looked up at their phones and busted out laughing. Show it to each other. My face was red hot, not knowing what to do I took off feeling my Chubby thighs jiggle as I did.

That was the day it all started.

....

I laid down on the ground, in one of the empty classrooms the teachers don't use. I was hugging myself breathing hard, they were all around me my body stiffened my eyes frantically looking up.

" awe, she looks so pitiful poor thing let's give her some food." Ji-Mun announced as the students came over. " this should cheer you up!" She implied as they dumped all of their lunch over me.

" come on eat it fatty!!" they all chanted, but I didn't even touch it. This seemed to make them angry because Ji-Mun came up to me grabbing a first full of my hair pulling my hair yanking my head back. " what did we fucking say?!"

She took some food trying to stuff it in my mouth. But I jerked around preventing her from doing it. I think she was having enough of my Resisting because she Signaled others to come.

I screamed out, wanting help but knowing no one would come it was after school plus someone was outside blocking the door. I was then pulled up by one of the boys, " if she won't do as we say they she needs to get beaten!" Ji-Su walked over to the classroom room closet.

Coming back out with a thick wooden stick. " it didn't have to come to this Soo-Nico, do worry everyone will get a turn." She grinned evilly, rising the stick I closed my dark eyes waiting for the impact.

And it came down hard and fast, sucking in my breath as it made contact with my stomach, tears leaked from my eyes one after the other. I was hit in different places with My skin busted opened, and bloodstains in my clothes.

This wasn't even the worst of it.

....

I Ignored my family when they would ask about the bandages I had put on myself. I couldn't talk about it though. It would just cause more trouble for me.

I've lost a lot of weight since a couple of months ago. My mom was proud thinking I was working on myself to look better but no I wasn't. It's We're I haven't been eating it's gone so far to where I made myself puke up my food if I ate.

But I gained it all back and more, my mother noticed and even made side comments. I knew she was just wanted me to be like the other girls for once and feel good In my skin. But She didn't realize how much it hurt that she didn't see me for who I was.

She did it with good intentions but the outcome well not much.

I was tired and numb. I didn't want to deal with anything or anyone even my family. I stayed in my room not coming out. I went as far as to say I hated them and I wish they weren't here.

I hated everyone from that point.

....

I walked down the hallways of the school, I glared at everyone that looked at me. I had lost so much sleep that the eye-bags under my eyes were so huge and dark it was hard not to miss.

I had gone to my homeroom, sitting in the middle of the class, everyone was staring, I Knew they eventually talk about me they gave me little papers with messages that said.

worlds fattest pig

Let see your underwear again

Must suck to be poor

I would find them in my bag, them sticking out of my locker. Even one was written on the homeroom Board. You can guess which one it was.

Ji-Mun arrived, in-class noticing me she stood in front of the Podium. " as you know if there's a rumor going around that one of you has talked to Soo-Nico?" Everyone that was in the room got quiet.

She must have found out about the new girl that had come, I dumped into her. She was sitting in front of me. One was loud to talk to me.

" I better not catch you because if anyone and I mean anyone who talks to Soo-Nico is dead!" The bitch threatened right before the bell for school starts ringed.

....

I couldn't be myself anymore, all I wanted was to be a decent person but they screwed that up for me. I was fine before all this even I still didn't like my weight I was working on it.

It was late and I was waiting for my bus to take me home. I wore a thick coat because it was cold out, as the wind whipped at my red-fleshed cheeks.

My nose ran a little, I think I was getting sick. But I didn't care, at least if I got sick. I wouldn't have to go to school I think I'll wait here for the next bus that comes to make sure of it.

Taking out my phone I put one earphone in listening to my song Magic shop from BTS. My bias was namjoon, and my bias wreck was Taehyung, Bobbing my head to the music I heard a commotion on the other side of the street.

It was Ji-Mun and her gang, they were standing around someone that was sitting on the ground on their knees. Who was she tormenting now?

Getting up I checked before crossing the road, making my way over. I saw it was the new girl,  I could hear her squeaky voice from here. " this will teach you not to talk to Soo-Nico again." 

" no please I didn't know!!" She cried, but Ji-Mun just gave her an irritated look. Stepping on her hand I Hearing a crack the girl screamed out in pain as she dug her heel in further.

I couldn't take this anymore watching this girl tormented others just to have control, " why don't you-" before Ji-Mun could finish her sentence I punched her right in the face.

She fell to the ground, holding her bleeding nose, " what the fucking hell!" Her eyes glared recognizing me. " why don't you!" I suggested,  knowing what she was going to say to the girl.

The next day my parents found out and told me I had to write an apology letter to Ji-Mun for almost breaking her nose. I was lucky enough they didn't press charges.

But What about the poor girl they were bullying? Did they have to apologize no! That's how the system works.

You get bullied they don't say anything, when they bully others, you try and Stan up from them but all you get in return trouble for doing so. Fuck them fuck everyone!

I told my parents to fuck off.

I didn't want anything to do with them at least that's what I thought.

....

It's been two weeks since the incident and I haven't gone back to school since. I laid on my bed with the lights off. I wasn't feeling good. Soon my mom came to the door knocking on it.

" Please just go away!!" I yelled hitting the door with one of my pillows. " please just come with me to the airport to pick up your brother. He wants to see you." She spoke of Jin-Woo.

I haven't seen him in forever since he aboard in the states. He was the only one that I didn't hate, at the moment. Groaning I got up getting off the bed, as I did I felt faint.

Steadying myself I went on and changed into a new pair of clothing. Opening the door. I was faced with my mom for the first time in a while. She had a worried look on her face yeah right?

" Are you feeling okay? you look, pale honey." But all I responded with was I'm fine. Sitting in the back seat my mom kept glancing at me asking questions.

Trying to start up a conversation, but I stayed quiet. " please god just leave me alone." I mumbled, but my dad heard, "your mother is trying to talk to you, stop being a little brat!"

He was turned in his seat facing me. " you haven't talked to use two weeks, when we get to the airport, you better be on your best behavior!"

Little did I know that would be the end of There's and my world.

Parking the car we got out and headed into the building. The places were crowded, with different types of people mostly Korean but there were some Foreigners.

Waiting nearby the gates, Jin-Woo should be landing anytime now. Sitting down I felt like I was going to throw up, I was sweating like crazy.

My mom noticed but didn't say anything afraid I'll fuss at her. I wondered where a restroom was in this place getting up I was stopped by my dad.

" where do you think you're going?"

I rolled my eyes, but he didn't see because his eyes were too focused on the magazine he was reading. " just to the restroom," finding out he shooed me away.

I had to ask some people where the restroom was. As doing so I passed a man, that was standing in one place, with some cotton balls up his nose. He was Turing his head side to side looking weird.

Getting away I finally found the restroom, standing in the stalls, I began to puke, rubbing my stomach as I did. I was sick I should have stayed home and waited for my brother.

After I was done, I wipe my mouth off with a sheet of toilet paper, I made sure that I was finished. Getting up I went over to the sink Turing it on splashing my face with cold water.

Looking up I was surprised at my reflection, my skin was ghostly pale, my eyes well they had strange veins in them, but I didn't think much of it probably just a symptom of this virus I have.

It wasn't long before I got more symptoms. My body got a cold rush feeling, as shivers went up to my spine. This is probably the flu, shaking my head I went on.

The weird man I noticed before was acting normal, maybe he's on meds? But he saw my eyes wide and hurried over to me. " you have the symptoms to right?!" He asked grabbing my arm shaking it.

"It is starting!!"

I look at him strangely jerking my arm away. " No, what are you talking about?" I backed away leaving the crazy man. Not knowing he was the first Infected.

As I went on it felt like the area was tipping, I staggered a bit trying to steady myself trying not to fall. My brain had that swelling feeling it seemed like I was being dragged into my head.

Not understanding what was happening I felt my body move but I wasn't the one moving it, I felt like I was stuck in my head and couldn't get out.

I then soon heard some gasps as something wet gushed out of my nose, It was blood and a lot of it. I looked into the window of the airport. That was right beside me.

And was horrified at what I saw was my reflection smiling back at me with pitch-black eyes. It waved slowly blood all over its mouth and neck.

Is that what I looked like to people right now? Because if I did I would be scared shitless. " you know you want to!" My reflection spoke to me. Grinning evilly. I felt my body backed away not believing what I was seeing.

What was this?

" what are you?" I breathed out scared. I covered my nose trying not to get blood everywhere. " I'm you but much worse." It giggled. Coming out of the window standing right in front of me.

" This was you're own doing Soo-Nico, 'tsk tsk' I'm not going to be enemy here." That is when I started to feel funny like I was losing my grasp on my mind it began to fade.

Then hearing inhuman sounds I began to dash towards people for no reason. Hearing them scream trying to get away, jumping over stuff pushing each other down.

It was all so quick and fast, that I didn't recognize the people standing before there was an older man, a woman, and a teenage boy. Their faces had a pure shock but I smiled creepily at them.

Then lunged for them.

Waking up my head hurt, slowly getting up, I looked around me seeing blood everywhere. My heart began to beat fast. Why was there so much blood? And why can't I remember a thing?

I almost screamed when I looked down. Not believe who was dead on the ground, I covered my mouth as tears immediately began to fall.

" No... No, God No!!!" I cried getting down on the blood-soaked floor seeing my family lay there lifeless. I grabbed my mom putting her head on my lap. " what I? –What happened? How—" I then remembered my creepy-looking reflection.

It was the last thing I saw before going Berserk. More eyes began to unfolded realizing I'm the one who killed them. And I didn't know why? My body shook not knowing what to do or who to call?

" I didn't mean to! I didn't– I wouldn't!! I'm sorry!" I screamed into my mother's shirt. Beating the floor with my fist, " I'm sorry for being mean to you!!"

I sucked in a couple of breaths, feeling my lips and chin quiver. As I sob from there on out, I had to live with the guilt of the death of my family never forgetting that moment.

[limetimo]

Happy Friday! Inquiring minds want to know if you have any sort of process when it comes to art that is related to a fic. (choosing which scenes to draw, style, which characters, etc). How do you choose when to add it, or is it simply ✨vibes✨? Huge fan of all your work! Love it so much, might be back with more thoughts later today. -🦖

（˶′◡‵˶）Thank you so much for this ask, it was so much fun to think about!

Sometimes my brain just does that cartoon sound effect of car breaks screeching to a halt, and I just know that this scene is very drawable. Sometimes the mental picture is finished pretty instantly, other times it nags at me until I figure out the composition and such. And sometimes I want to draw a thing but it's just not possible.

As for the style, it really boils down to how much creative juice I have at the time, and if I'm tracing stock photos or a doodle I made by hand on paper. And yeah, the ✨vibes✨ are THE deciding factor. Also I hate backgrounds. Transparent background is my savior

(You know, FUNNY THING you asked this just today because I was thinking about "Kreacher should get to commit a little murder" AU we've been joking around with Trex_Patronus that I said I'd love to draw but didn't know how - and I just figured out how :D)

(Also this ask had me diving into the depths of my laptop for different approaches I took, feel free to enjoy some of my findings under the cut xD)

This one is fully traced - Bruce Wayne/Diana Prince/Tony Stark (or as my friend starkind likes to call them, Three Strong Hearts.), I don't have the reference pictures anymore but the poses were from the actor's photoshoots and starkind provided the armors :D

I made this one mostly by tracing stock images (and using my friend's drawing tablet) for a friend's code-a-game homework.

(That game is also why all my digital drawings are 800x800, I set that size in the FireAlpaca and never bothered to change it.)

A rare instance of no reference + digital from Unfroggivable:

Hand-drawn on the back of my study materials, with reference pics

And another IronWonderBat, I forgot I had this one saved lmao. Most likely used a ref pic for Diana's face otherwise she wouldn't be so pretty

Super quick doodle for This Is Why I Hate Mondays by AtomicMint

asdhlkj Toddler Tony with his pet goose yelling at Bernard the Flamingo adjahk pretty sure it was about December 16 (1991)

Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh mspaint was my saviour and damnation when I was supposed to pay attention in any computer class. The Nanny Named Stark by starkind

[nofomoartworld]

Meet the Couples Who Spent Valentine's Day at The Museum of Sex

Night Fever: New York Disco 1977–1979, The Bill Bernstein Photographs. Museum of Sex

At 1 PM on February 14, just past a gift shop stocked with vibrators, Disney erotica, and "Netflix and Chill" condoms, the Museum of Sex's disco-themed photography show, bar, and lounge are filled exclusively with couples. I'm half of one of them, since I'm there with my girlfriend. We're wondering who, besides a couple of journalists, decides to spend the most romantic day of the year ogling historically significant sex toys, the work of reclusive artists consumed by sex, and life-sized sculptures of animals getting it on.

Plenty of people, as it turns out. "Valentine's Day is one of the busiest days of the year," curator Lissa Rivera tells Creators. The Flatiron District institution draws 300,000 visitors a year, enough on Valentine's Day to warrant extended hours. "A lot of people devote all of their attention on Valentine's Day to exploring intimacy. On a normal day one might come alone or in a group, but on Valentine's Day you're exploring sexual expression with your partner."

OBJECTXXX: Selected Artifacts from the Museum of Sex Archive. Museum of Sex

Sweethearts come to MoSex from all over the country to spend the holiday in a place where it's socially acceptable look at naughty pictures, slurp boob-shaped jello shots, and swill a free "Aphrodisiac Shot," made from vodka and hibiscus extract. Sipping cotton candy and glitter cocktails, they eye Bill Bernstein's sultry photographs of NYC's Studio 54-era royalty and relax post-coital art experience. Sex is on the brain, but it extends far past the limbic system and into the frontal lobe, mixing the museum's academic and respectful programming.

The menu includes shocking and captivating outsider artists, an often-hilarious compendium of diverse animal sex maneuvers, Bompas and Parr's bouncy castle filled with boobs, vintage porn from the illustrated pamphlet to Deep Throat, and an archive of interesting sex objects, the crown jewel of which is William Thomas Porter and Andrew H. Shirley's pedal-operated dildo machine, Fuck Bike #001. So, what brought people to MoSex? We talked to a few couples to find out:  

Patrycja & Anthony

Anthony, 22, Security Guard, New Jersey & Patrycja, 22, Office Manager, New Jersey. Dating for 16 months. Photo by the author

Whose idea was it to come to the Museum of Sex on Valentine's Day?

Anthony: Me. I read about it online and we spoke about it a couple of months ago, so I figured I would take her for Valentine's Day.

What was your favorite exhibition?

Anthony: The first room, with all the objects [Objectxxx: Selected Artifacts from the Museum's Archive]. 

Patricia: With all the old-school sex toys, the bicycle.

Anthony: The Fuck Bike.

Known/Unknown: Private Obsession and Hidden Desire in Outsider Art. Museum of Sex

What did you like about that room?

Anthony: It was intense. There was a lot of stuff I don't see on the daily.

Why do you think it's important to have a museum dedicated to sex?

Anthony: It lets out your inner experience of thinking about sex.

Patricia: I think it's important because people should know where all of our sexual culture came from, where it all started. It's cool to see how sex has changed over the years. That bike… why people would even think to use that is crazy.

Anthony: It's too much work for just that.

Patricia: But everybody has their own taste and imagination.

Anthony: I also liked the bouncy castle [Jump for Joy by Bompas & Parr]. It was quick, but it was a good experience.

Alexander & Wilson

Alexander, 20, Support Worker, Bridgewater, NJ & Wilson, 21, Full-time Student, Elizabeth, NJ. Dating for 7 years. Photo by the author

Whose idea was it to visit the Museum of Sex for Valentine's Day? 

Wilson: It was his idea. Alexander: It was my idea. I've come here before and I thought Wilson would appreciate it a lot. We came for the free shot. I wasn't passing that up.

What was your favorite exhibition?

Wilson: I liked the room with the bicycle, but I also liked the masks in the gift shop.

Alexander: I liked the woman giving head in the clip from Deep Throat [playing in Hardcore: A Century and a Half of Obscene Imagery].

Untitled, [Photograph of Woman Inserting Candle], Photograph, (c. 1890–1900), Collection of Mark Rotenberg. From the exhibition 'Hardcore: A Century & A Half of Obscene Imagery.' Museum of Sex; Untitled, Lithograph, (c. mid-19th century), Museum of Sex Collection. From the exhibition 'Hardcore: A Century & A Half of Obscene Imagery.' Museum of Sex

Why is it important to have a museum dedicated to sex?

Wilson: I think sex is such a big part of life. It's so artistic. You can't  not come to a museum to appreciate it! Being kinky is a part of life, so I can't help but embrace a museum dedicated to it. It's beautiful in my opinion. I keep thanking him for bringing me.

Growing up really religious, sex was a forbidden subject. Now that I'm older I embrace it completely.

Kevin & Ellen

Kevin, 27, Transportation Management, San Antonio, TX & Ellen, 27, Oil Field Sales Rep, San Antonio, TX. Photo by the author

Whose idea was it to come to the Museum of Sex for Valentine's Day?

Kevin: Oh, the wife.

Ellen: It was recommended to us by a friend. We have a week in New York and decided to come here for the holiday.

What was your favorite exhibition?

Kevin: The first room we went into was really fun. It was a lot of displays of random sex objects throughout time.

Ellen: They had a lotus shoe, which was used to restrict the growth of women's feet in Chinese culture. Now it's considered a fetish as well.

Kevin: I thought the penis bike was fun, too. The Fuck Bike was fun.

Known/Unknown: Private Obsession and Hidden Desire in Outsider Art. Museum of Sex

Why do you think it's important to have a Museum of Sex?

Ellen: Learning about the different facets of sex, even animal sex, how it contributes to us as a species, is very important. It's good to see it how relevant the animal point of view is too.

Kevin: It's something we all do. We have a museum for everything, why not sex?

Renaldo & Erica

Renaldo, 24, Philadelphia & Erica, 28, Victoria's Secret Sales Associate, Philadelphia. Photo by the author

Whose idea was it to spend Valentine's Day at the Museum of Sex?

Erica: A friend was telling me about it so I decided to take by boyfriend on Valentine's Day.

What was your favorite exhibit?

Erica: Believe it or not, learning about the animals. The turtles were my favorite. I learned that their penises are shaped like a stingray, sort of. There was a video of one trying to have sex with the wall! That was kind of weird. He was trying, but it wasn't working. But if that's what floats his boat for his masturbation to happen, that's his business.

Renaldo: The toys that animals use, how they design the toys, I found very interesting. My favorite part was learning about the giraffes and the lions. They give off a scent to attract a mate. When they want to have intercourse they moan and rub up against each other, stuff like that.

The Sex Lives of Animals. Museum of Sex

It's funny, that's pretty much what humans do too.

Renaldo: Yeah, pretty much! I thought it was interesting how they communicate that they want to do it.

Erica: The monkeys use sign language to let each other know what they want.

Renaldo: I just loved the whole thing. I didn't even know it was this deep until I came here and saw. The museum put a lot into it.

Why do you think it's important to have a museum dedicated to sex?

Erica: ...I think handcuffs are important! I like how they have information for couples that will enhance their sex lives. And games. I think games about what you can do to, uh, stimulate the flow, that's good.

Renaldo: I think it's important because you can learn about not just your own intimacy, but how people have been intimate throughout history. What tool they used, and how to do things safety. And it's been good for, uh, fantasizing.

Taylor & Veronica

How did you hear about the Museum of Sex? 

Taylor: My friend suggested it. We couldn't figure out to do that wasn't too expensive, but it seemed like a good idea.  

What is your favorite part of the museum so far? 

Taylor: My favorite part is seeing Bill Bernstein's photo of J. Alexander from America's Next Top Model when he was younger [in Night Fever: New York Disco 1977-1979, The Bill Bernstein Photographs]. 

Veronica: I agree. When I realized who that was I was like, "Oh my god," and rushed straight to the picture. 

Night Fever: New York Disco 1977–1979, The Bill Bernstein Photographs. Museum of Sex

Why do you think it's important to have a museum dedicated to sex? 

Taylor: I think it's really important. We're coming back to the point of a new sexual revolution and it's more acceptable to talk about sex. I never really thought about this stuff as a kid, but it's cool that I can learn about it here and it's not taboo anymore, which is important.  

Speaking as a queer woman, it's not something I was taught in school. I learned from my friends, from the people who came before me. There are a lot of things I would do differently had I been better educated. It's important for the generations after us to have access to more information. 

Veronica: Especially now that we're teaching the younger generation that certain things are ok, certain things aren't ok. The dos and don'ts have you. Some people go all in and don't realize it's ok to not do something if you don't want to do it. Don't feel pressure to do something you don't want to do. You don't have to do the norm. 

Sex is starting to become easier to talk about. People can feel comfortable with themselves being in a place like this, whether you already enjoy talking about it or want to figure out how to talk about it, this museum is here and it's going to get talked about.

Known/Unknown: Private Obsession and Hidden Desire in Outsider Art. Museum of Sex

Learn more about The Museum of Sex on its official website.

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