#i don't know my family's whole. i mean i'm not gonna talk about it on the internet LOL

[xhda1449x]

okay so I have Opinions TM about this because. well. am asexual. know asexual people. Been Like That before.

I had a friend. She's not my friend anymore. One of the reasons why is that she was a very sex negative asexual. Not repulsed, negative. Sex negative means Against It As A Concept. Repulsed means "ew, I really don't want to hear about any of it and I'm kinda disgusted by the way sexual attraction seems to run the world but yknow, that's me, y'all do you", right. It's a different thing. Some aces don't understand that.

I've known aces who think it's the identity for sex negativity. Aces who are attracted to people in an allo way (!!!) but think sex is gross. The friend I had was like that. Afaik she just... hated men so much she decided that wanting sex with women As A Guy is disgusting behavior so all sex is like that. Because she'd only use the "sex repulsed" card when interacting with guys. Because she was a lesbian and identified as such. Now yeah there are ace lesbians. I've also known a few of those. But that's not the point, the point is that so many people who don't want to have conventional PiV sex find the ace label and think it's for them.

Now uhhh my personal experience with the sex negativity excused as being sex repulsed mindset. So I have ocd. something most people around me know about. Over the years of Me Having It (so like... since I was 8 ig) it manifested in different ways. One of the most annoying intrusive thoughts I'd dealt with was just... my friends, my family members, in sexual situations. Not with me, just kinda... abstract, I guess, but one time I had a wholeass flashback because my friend told me he did indeed sleep with his girlfriend regularly so that's something. It's not really fun, imagining your two platonic-and-nothing-else friends Having Sex In Your Head and not being able to stop it. Also yeahhh the trauma def played a role too. Like, that's most likely what triggered me to Have OCD in the first place, and it took me a long time to get over that (mostly because I couldn't really tell anyone about it. I'm not gonna get into details but let's just say people don't really like to think that a young girl could hurt someone like that).

So now I'm in a relationship. First I've ever had. And I had to deal with Everything by being thrown head first into it. The first year was Hard, with another aspect of the ocd (it's always the ocd) being that I'd question my identity a lot. Sure I was dating someone but I was still ace because I didn't want to have sex with them right? Sure I don't mind the thought but I'm still ace because I wouldn't do it irl? SURE I CAN IMAGINE MYSELF DOING IT IRL BUT I'M STILL ACE, RIGHT, ACES CAN HAVE SEX?????? on top of dealing with Gender Questioning, too. Fun times!!!

But uh. yeah. turns out that I needed some help processing the trauma and now I'm like... the kink-cyclopedia for my friends or something. Like the person in the tags said, it's mostly theoretical. And funny thing is I've Been Like This even when I was a teenager!!! But I both pushed it down because That's Not How Aces Are and overplayed it because I wanted my friends to like me and at the time it seemed as if their only interest was Talking About Sex (idk, teenagers can be like that sometimes, or it can feel that way if you don't relate).

Anyway, yeah. For anyone who's like this (thinking ace is the label for sexual trauma survivors; thinking you're ace because you don't want sex; thinking being ace means being above sexual desires and that somehow making you better than everyone else), I've been there. And it was miserable. I'm still ace, because guess what, I'm still not sexually attracted to anyone besides maybe my partner and even then I'm not sure. But like... the reason why puritans are miserable isn't just because they're all horny and repressed. Building your whole identity on top of Hating Something will always make you miserable. Try to avoid that if you can.

I am both.

[iamquiantrelle]

VIRGIN TERRITORY (chapter 3) ────── iamquaintrelle

# pairing: aurelien tchouameni x black oc (☔️✨💕)

# tags: @whoevenisthiz @irishmanwhore @lettersofgold @deonn-jaelle @sucredreamer @leighjadeclimbedmtkilimanjaro @rougereds @f1-football-fiend @judectrl @ayeshami @greyishbach @haartemis @goldenngt @solidbrii @sailurmewn @rainbowsparkelsunshine @lbchi @bbgkoo

# summary: she's been his pa for almost a year and every day is a struggle to function around him, but he'll never see her more than that...will he? and what will happen if he finds out she's also a virgin? masterlist.

Leila isn't trying to make it a whole thing, but that date with William? That man took her to this cute little restaurant tucked away in a corner of Paris where nobody would recognize him, ordered wine that probably cost more than her rent, and spent the whole night actually listening to her talk about her family back in Georgia. Not once did he make her feel like she was just some thick girl he was trying to get with – instead he treated her like she was actually interesting, like her stories about her mama's cooking adventures were the most fascinating thing he'd ever heard.

And when she found out he was half Cameroonian? Maybe Yolanda had a point about her having a type because these West African men were really out here testing her resolve. The way his accent got thicker when he talked about his family, the way he understood exactly what she meant about certain cultural things without her having to explain... it was nice. Really nice.

He didn't try to kiss her at the end of the night, even though she maybe (definitely) wanted him to. Just kissed her hand (which should be corny but somehow wasn't) and said he'd love to do it again soon. She'd gone to bed thinking maybe this could be something.

But then Sunday morning happened and somehow everything else felt small in comparison.

"Avant de commencer l'entraînement," ("Before we start training,") Didier's voice carried across the morning meeting room, "J'ai une annonce à faire." ("I have an announcement to make.")

The room went quiet – well, as quiet as a room full of French footballers can get, which means Marcus was still whispering something to Mike that had them both stifling laughs.

"En l'absence de Kylian," ("In Kylian's absence,") Didier continued, holding up the captain's armband, "nous avons besoin d'un nouveau capitaine." ("we need a new captain.") "Aurélien Tchouaméni."

The room erupted. Leila's never seen someone look so surprised and honored at the same time, like Aurélien couldn't quite believe what was happening.

"Notre nouveau capitaine!" ("Our new captain!") Marcus shouted, starting an impromptu chant.

"MON CAPITAINE!" Jules was the first to reach him, throwing an arm around his shoulders. "Tu l'as mérité, mon frère." ("You earned it, my brother.")

"Finalement, quelqu'un va peut-être réussir à le faire sourire," ("Finally, someone might succeed in making him smile,") Cama teased, doing an exaggerated salute. "Oui, Capitaine!"

The whole team picked up the salute, turning it into this ridiculous ceremony that had even Didier trying not to laugh.

"Je suis honoré," ("I'm honored,") Aurélien finally managed to say, voice thick with emotion as Didier handed him the armband. "Je ne sais pas quoi dire..." ("I don't know what to say...")

"Dis-nous qu'on va défoncer Israël!" ("Tell us we're gonna destroy Israel!") Mike called out.

"Et qu'on peut manger la cuisine de Leila ce soir!" ("And that we can eat Leila's cooking tonight!") Marcus added, which started a whole new round of cheering.

Leila couldn't help but clap and cheer with them all – because this was huge. This was her boss becoming captain of the French national team at twenty-four. This was history.

***************************

The Bridge's studio setup is way more casual than Leila expected, all warm lights and comfy chairs arranged in a circle like it's just bros hanging out – which, technically, it is.

"Ma puce, mon café?" Aurélien calls out as she's setting up his notes, and she pretends not to notice how Sébastien raises his eyebrows at the pet name.

"You have two hands that work perfectly fine," she responds, but she's already heading to get his coffee because she knows exactly how he gets without his caffeine fix before filming. Two sugars, splash of cream – the man drinks coffee like he's trying to hide the fact it's coffee.

"Ah, c'est comme ça maintenant?" ("So that's how it is now?") Jules grins as he walks in, followed by Ousmane and Thomas.

"Elle fait la grève," ("She's on strike,") Ousmane adds with a knowing smile.

"Can y'all not?" Leila mutters, but of course they can't because they live for chaos.

"What’s going on?" Thomas asks, settling into his chair while the makeup artist touches up his face.

"Nothing–" Aurélien starts, but Jules is already diving in.

"She's dating Wilo."

"I am not–"

"Wilo?" Sébastien perks up like he's just been handed gossip gold. "As in Saliba? Mon dieu, this is better than what I planned for the show."

"Speaking of the show," Leila cuts in desperately, "maybe we should focus on your actual topics? Like the Champions League? The national team? Literally anything else?"

"But this is much more interesting," Sébastien grins. "Tell me, how does our new captain feel about his PA dating his teammate?"

"We are NOT discussing my dating life on YouTube," Leila says firmly, handing Aurélien his coffee with maybe a little more force than necessary. Some splashes onto his notes and she automatically reaches to wipe it, just as he does the same. Their hands brush and she pulls back like she's been burned.

"Ooh, as-tu vu ça?" Thomas stage-whispers to Ousmane. "La tension!"

"I'm about to show y'all some tension with these coffee cups," Leila threatens, making them laugh harder.

"Non, non," Ousmane agrees solemnly. "We'll just discuss how our captain gets jealous every time someone looks at his PA. Like yesterday at training when Giroud asked her about American football..."

"I was not jealous," Aurélien protests. "I was concerned about her getting distracted from her duties."

"Her duties of watching you run laps?" Jules asks innocently.

"Her duties of maintaining my schedule–"

"The schedule she has memorized?" Ousmane adds.

"Y'all really want me to poison your dinner tonight, huh?" Leila threatens, but they just laugh harder.

"See? This is why I need my own Leila," Sébastien says. "Where do I find a PA who cooks?"

"You don't," Aurélien's voice carries that edge again. "She's one of a kind."

The room goes quiet for a moment, and Leila busies herself with absolutely nothing important on her tablet.

"Okay!" The producer calls out. "Five minutes! Let's talk about the actual show content?"

"Oui, oui," Sébastien nods, suddenly professional. "First segment about then national team dynamics with our new captain, maybe some stuff about Jules and his fashion sense…."

"Maybe one about a certain PA?" Thomas asks hopefully.

"Including nothing about any PAs," Leila cuts in. "Unless y'all want to explain to Didier why half his starting lineup got food poisoning before a match."

"She wouldn't really..." Thomas starts.

"She absolutely would," Aurélien, Jules, and Ousmane answer in unison.

"Ma puce," Aurélien calls softly, and she looks up to find him watching her with that expression that makes her stomach do stupid things. "My notes?"

She hands them over, careful not to let their fingers brush. "Try not to start any international incidents this time."

"Une fois," ("One time,") he protests. "I say one thing about Premier League defenders..."

"You said they tackle like they learned football from YouTube tutorials," she reminds him.

"Was I wrong though?"

"That's not the point! Twitter was a nightmare for days."

"This is why you're my favorite," he says, and something in his voice makes her look up. "You keep me in line."

"Someone has to," she manages to say, stepping back as the cameras start rolling.

She watches from behind the scenes as they dive into football talk, the banter shifting into serious discussion about tactics and pressure and what it means to wear the captain's armband. Watches how Aurélien leads the conversation with natural grace, how he makes everyone feel heard while still keeping things moving.

"Et maintenant," ("And now,") Sébastien grins near the end, "Les fans veulent savoir - est notre nouveau capitaine single?" ("the fans want to know – is our new captain single")

Leila's head snaps up from her tablet.

"Non," Thomas jumps in before Aurélien can answer. "Son cœur appartient à son P–"

The water bottle that flies across the room and hits Thomas square in the chest is definitely not thrown by Leila.

"Cut!" The producer calls after they wrap the final segment, and Leila releases a breath she didn't know she was holding. They managed to get through the whole episode with only minimal chaos, though Thomas kept trying to sneak in comments about "certain PAs" until she started keeping a steady supply of projectiles within reach.

"That was fun," Sébastien grins, stretching as they all stand. "We should do this again. Maybe next time with Wilo as a guest?"

"Don't you have a dinner to prepare?" Jules asks quickly, shooting her a look that clearly says 'get out while you can'.

"Oui, about that dinner," Thomas perks up. "What exactly are you making?"

"If one more person asks me about dinner," Leila cuts in, gathering her things, "I'm making y'all eat protein shakes instead."

"You wouldn't," Ousmane gasps dramatically.

"Try me."

"Ma puce," Aurélien's voice is softer now that the cameras are off. "Need a ride to the store?"

And that's... new. He hasn't offered to drive her anywhere since The Comment™️.

"I can take her," Jules offers with fake innocence. "Since you probably have captain duties and all."

"I can drive my PA to the store."

"Your PA?" Thomas raises an eyebrow. "Just okay PA or...?"

The second water bottle that hits him is definitely from Aurélien this time.

"I'll wait in the car," he tells her, ignoring the knowing looks from everyone else.

As soon as he's out of earshot, the chaos erupts:

"Girl, if you don't get in that car–" Ousmane starts.

"But what about Wilo?" Thomas asks.

"Capitaine is clearly in his feelings–" Sébastien adds.

"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!" Jules announces. "Let her breathe."

Leila takes a deep breath, gathering her professional dignity around her like armor. "I have a dinner to cook for twenty something grown men who act like children. I don't have time for... whatever this is."

"This," Sébastien gestures vaguely, "is prime content. The captain and his PA?"

"There is no 'captain and his PA'," she insists. "There's just a PA who's about to feed half of the French Football Federation because she makes poor life choices."

"Speaking of poor life choices," Jules grins, "your man's waiting."

"He's not my–"

A horn honks outside. Twice.

"La patience de cet homme," Thomas laughs. "Vraiment incroyable."

"I hate all of you," Leila announces, heading for the door.

"But you'll still feed us?" Ousmane calls after her.

She doesn't dignify that with a response.

The car ride is... weird. Not tense exactly, but full of something she can't name. Aurélien keeps opening his mouth like he wants to say something, then closing it again. She pretends to be very interested in her grocery list.

Two hours and way too many bags later (because apparently she's feeding an army now), they're back at Clairefontaine and the kitchen is already buzzing with energy and she directs her very enthusiastic sous chefs – Michael and Cama, plus some actual kitchen staff who keep looking at her like she's either genius or crazy for attempting this.

"This is not 'season to taste'," she swats Cama's hand away from the seasoning. "This is 'season to kill'."

"But it needs more–"

"If you say 'spice' I'm demoting you to dish duty."

The thing about cooking while Chief Keef is blasting through Clairefontaine's halls is that it really sets a specific type of mood. Leila can hear Marcus and Mike singing "Don't Like" at the top of their lungs, probably driving everyone crazy, but she's too focused on making sure Cama doesn't turn her greens into chemical warfare.

Michael, who’s undoubtedly the sous chef MVP, is quietly following her instructions to the letter. There's something zen about the way he moves through the kitchen, precise and focused like he's preparing for a match instead of helping prep chicken.

"You're good at this," she tells him, and his answering smile is small but genuine.

"My grandmother," he says simply. "She taught me that cooking is meditation."

"YOUR GRANDMOTHER DIDN'T HAVE TO COOK FOR HANGRY FOOTBALLERS!" Marcus's voice carries through the door, followed by the opening beats of "Love Sosa."

"The meditation is about to turn into medication if they don't calm down," Leila mutters, but Michael just laughs softly.

The kitchen staff has gone from skeptical to impressed, watching her coordinate this whole production like she's done it her whole life. Which, honestly, she has – just usually for family reunions, not professional athletes who probably cost more than her entire hometown.

"It's almost ready?" Mike pokes his head in, looking like a hopeful puppy. "Because we're dying out here."

"You've eaten today," she points out. "Multiple times."

"But not your cooking," Marcus appears behind him. "And now the whole place smells like heaven and we're suffering."

"You're not suffering," she rolls her eyes. "You're being dramatic."

"I AM suffering," Mike insists. "Look at me, I'm wasting away."

"You literally had lunch two hours ago."

"That was before we could smell the mac and cheese," Marcus argues. "Now we're starving."

She's about to throw something at them when Michael quietly says, "The chicken's ready for the second batch."

"See?" She points at Michael. "This is why he's my favorite. He actually helps instead of just complaining."

"Favorites?" Marcus clutches his chest. "That's cold, Lei. Ice cold."

"You know what else is getting cold? This food, if y'all don't let me cook in peace."

"But–"

"OUT!"

They retreat, but not before Mike tries one last time to steal a piece of chicken. She catches him with her wooden spoon – years of defending food from hungry cousins have honed her reflexes.

"The quiet ones always got jokes," Cama laughs as Mike runs away clutching his hand dramatically, then yelps when she catches him trying to sneak a taste of the greens. "How do you even see everything?"

"I have eyes in the back of my head," she says seriously. "My mama installed them when I started cooking."

"They're getting restless," Michael notes as another song starts shaking the walls. She's pretty sure she can hear Jules trying to teach Marcus and Mike the words, which is... a choice.

"Let them be restless," she says, putting the finishing touches on the mac and cheese (extra cheese on top because she ain't playing). "Good food takes time."

The kitchen settles into a rhythm after that, just the sounds of cooking and the distant bass of whatever song Marcus and Mike have moved onto now. Even Cama calms down enough to actually be helpful, following her instructions with only minimal attempts at creative seasoning.

"This is nice," Michael says after a while, quiet enough that only she can hear. "Reminds me of home."

"Yeah," she smiles, understanding exactly what he means. There's something about cooking with people who get it, who understand that food is more than just fuel. It's love, it's family, it's...

"FANCULO!"

The Italian curse makes them all jump as Cama nearly drops an entire tray of cornbread.

"What happened?" Leila spins around, heart racing.

"The cornbread!" he looks devastated. "I almost... it almost..."

"But you didn't," she soothes, trying not to laugh at how genuinely distressed he looks. "The cornbread is safe."

"I would've had to leave France," he says seriously. "Change my name. Start a new life."

"Because of cornbread?"

"Have you met my teammates? They would never let me live it down."

He's not wrong. She can already imagine the chaos if anything happened to the cornbread. These grown men really out here ready to riot over some baked goods.

"Speaking of teammates," Michael says casually, too casually, "our captain's been pacing outside the door for the last ten minutes."

"He what?" She turns so fast she almost knocks over the hot sauce.

"Mhm," Michael hums, that knowing look back in his eyes. "Every time someone walks by he pretends he's on his phone."

"That's..." she doesn't even know how to finish that sentence.

"Interesting?" Cama suggests with a grin.

"Complicated," she corrects. "Now focus on not dropping any more cornbread."

"I didn't drop it!" Cama whined.

"Almost dropped it."

"So," Michael says after a moment, quiet enough that only she can hear, "we're really not going to talk about it?"

"About what?"

His knowing look rivals Jules', but he just goes back to prepping chicken.

"Nothing," he says. "Just thinking our new captain might need to work on his game off the field too."

She chooses to ignore that, focusing instead on finishing up everything. The food looks good – really good. Soul food isn't meant to be fancy, but there's something beautiful about it anyway. Something honest.

"Time to feed the children," she announces, and both Michael and Cama snort at her description of their teammates.

"They're going to lose their minds," Cama predicts as they start plating everything.

He's not wrong. She can already hear the excitement building in the cafeteria, the mix of French and English and various other languages all carrying the same message: finally.

"Ready?" Michael asks as they prepare to head out.

She looks at their work – all this food made with love and patience (and only minimal threats of violence).

"Ready."

The whole team is there, plus coaching staff, plus what feels like half the FFF. They've pushed tables together family-style, and someone (probably Marcus) starts a chant of "Speech! Speech!" that gets picked up by everyone else.

"Y'all are doing too much," she laughs, but Michael gently pushes her forward.

"I'll translate," he says, and she sends up a prayer of thanks for this man's whole existence.

"Okay, okay," she holds up her hands and the room quiets down. "Listen. Where I'm from, food is how we show love. It's how we celebrate victories and comfort each other through losses. It's how we welcome family – blood or chosen."

Michael translates as she speaks, his French making her simple words sound almost poetic.

"Today we're celebrating our new captain," she continues, and the cheers that go up nearly shake the windows. Aurélien, sitting at the center of the longest table, ducks his head but she catches his smile. "And tomorrow we're gonna beat Israel's whole ass."

The roar that goes up at that almost drowns out Michael's slightly more diplomatic translation.

"Everything is Halal," she adds, "and yes, there's dessert – banana pudding with vanilla ice cream because I'm not a monster."

She nods to the servers who start bringing out the dishes, and the way these elite athletes' eyes light up at the sight of proper soul food would be funny if it wasn't so endearing.

"Bon appétit, mes amis," she finishes, and immediately gets swept up in a group hug from Marcus and Mike that nearly takes her off her feet.

"An angel," Marcus declares as he squeezes her. "A motherfucking angel."

The room fills with the sound of comfortable chaos that reminds her of Sunday dinners back home. She catches William's eye across the room and he gives her a warm smile that makes her cheeks warm.

But then she feels it – that familiar weight of attention – and finds Aurélien watching her with an expression that makes her breath catch. He's looking like something out of her most inappropriate dreams, and...

"Your plate," Michael appears at her elbow with food he's made up for her. "Can't let the chef go hungry."

She tears her eyes away from Aurélien, forcing herself to focus on her food and not on how their new captain keeps glancing her way like he's trying to solve a puzzle.

For the first few minutes, the cafeteria vibrates of pure, unadulterated appreciation – the kind that makes a cook's heart sing. These professional athletes, who probably have personal chefs on speed dial, are absolutely demolishing their plates. Bradley's over there drowning his chicken in hot sauce like he's trying to prove something, while others are just making these little sounds of joy between bites.

"I'm going to marry you," Brice announces suddenly through a mouthful of mac and cheese, breaking the reverent silence like a hammer through stained glass.

The table erupts in hoots and hollers, and Leila definitely doesn't miss how Aurélien's fork freezes halfway to his mouth.

"It's a joke," Brice adds quickly, though his eyes are twinkling. "But this food? Magnifique."

"You can't just propose like that," Khephren shakes his head with mock solemnity. "There's a process. Parents first."

"Exactly," Ousmane nods with all the wisdom of someone who's been in this position before. "Gotta do it properly."

"And don't forget the bride price," Ibou adds, which sets off a wave of groans like he's just announced extra training.

"They don't do that in America, bro," someone calls out, which starts a whole debate about marriage customs in different countries.

"Speaking of America," Mike cuts through the chaos with surprising grace, "you're from Georgia, right?" At Leila's nod, he continues, "Do you know where your peoples from? Like which country in the motherland?"

"You can't just ask her that," Jules protests.

"Why not?" Mike shrugs, all innocence. "I'm just curious."

"Slavery happened," Michael says quietly, taking a casual sip of water.

"I know that happened," Mike responds, "but you know some Black people in the US do one of those ancestry.com tests. You know, to find their roots."

"I did one," Leila interjects, and suddenly she has the undivided attention of some of the most expensive athletes in Europe, all of them looking at her like she's about to reveal the secret to scoring hat-tricks.

"And?" Marcus prompts, gesturing with a chicken wing that probably violates several of their nutritionist's rules.

"You guys really want to know?"

The chorus of "yes" comes in various accents and volumes, but the enthusiasm is unanimous, and they're ready to put their food on pause – and considering how they've been eating, that's saying something.

Laughing, she pulls up her phone, scrolling through her gallery for that screenshot from her college days. "Okay, this is from my Cultural History & Heritage class, so... I'm 65% Ghanaian..."

The applause that breaks out would make you think someone just scored a World Cup winner. Ousmane's practically glowing with vindication.

"I knew you were Ghanaian! You're feisty," he declares.

"And that forehead," Ibou adds, making her touch it self-consciously.

"What's wrong with my forehead?"

"You got that West African forehead," Marcus explains through a grin. "It's still cute though!" he adds quickly, like he's just remembered his mama raised him right.

She's doing her best impression of a confused goldfish when she continues, "10% Western Bantu Peoples, 14% Beninese." Her eyes flick to Jules, who's wearing the kind of smile that suggests he's already plotting something.

"You and JK are cousins!" Cama announces with the excitement of someone connecting invisible dots. "The family reunion's gonna be lit!"

"9% French Guiana," she pushes on, "8% English, and the rest is Dutch."

The reaction to the English and Dutch parts hits like they've just heard she's part alien. Eyebrows shooting up across the table like they're trying to escape.

"Slavery," Michael says again, and the word lands like a weight, heavy with centuries of history.

"Right, right," comes the collective murmur, before Marcus breaks the moment by declaring he needs thirds "to honor all those ancestors."

"More cornbread, ma puce?"

She turns to find Aurélien holding out the basket, something soft in his expression that makes her heart do stupid things.

"I'm good," she manages to say.

"You sure? You've barely eaten."

"Just happy everyone else is enjoying it."

His response is cut off by Marcus starting a debate about whether Ghana or Benin has better jollof rice, and suddenly the whole table is taking sides in what's apparently a long-standing West African rivalry.

"Ghana obviously has the better jollof," she says quietly, just to watch Aurélien's eyes narrow in betrayal.

"Et tu, ma puce?" He shakes his head like she's personally wounded him. "Non, non. Cameroon's jollof is superior. This is just facts."

"Please," Ousmane cuts in with the confidence of someone about to start a war, "Nigerian jollof clears both. This isn't even a debate."

"Bullshit," Marcus declares. "Ghana invented jollof. You can't beat the original."

"Being first doesn't mean being best," Aurélien argues, and suddenly it's like they're discussing tactical formations instead of rice. "Cameroonians perfected it."

"The delusion," Ousmane sighs dramatically. "This is why you need a Nigerian wife. To show you what real jollof tastes like."

Leila tries not to think too hard about why that comment makes something twist in her chest, but then Aurélien's saying, "I don't need a Nigerian wife when I have–" before cutting himself off abruptly.

The table goes quiet enough to hear a fork drop.

"When you have what?" Jules prompts teasingly.

"When I have... more important things to focus on," Aurélien finishes lamely. "Like tomorrow's match."

"Mhm," Michael hums into his water glass, sharing a look with Jules that speaks volumes.

The conversation shifts to safer topics after that, but Leila can't quite shake the weight of that unfinished sentence. Can't quite ignore how Aurélien keeps sneaking glances at her like he's trying to read something written in a language he doesn't understand, but that's a problem for another day.

Match day arrives bright and crisp, the kind of weather that makes footballers' eyes light up. The usual pre-match routines take on extra weight today – this isn't just any game, it's Aurélien's first as captain, and you can feel it in the air at breakfast. Even Marcus and Mike are quieter than usual, energy focused instead of scattered.

But before they can get to the match, there's the small matter of getting to Budapest. The morning after her soul food extravaganza has these grown men acting like they've discovered the secret to eternal happiness.

"I swear," Marcus is saying as they wait in the private terminal, "I haven't slept that good since I was in the womb."

"That's called the itis," Leila explains, watching their confused faces with amusement. "When good food puts you in a food coma? Yeah that’s what it is."

"Whatever it was, we need it before every match," Mike declares, and several others nod enthusiastically.

"That's too much to ask," Aurélien cuts in, that protective edge creeping into his voice.

"I'll help cook again!" Cama volunteers immediately.

"NO!" comes the unanimous response, making him pout.

"After what you tried to do to those greens?" Michael adds quietly. "I think not."

The conversation halts as they board their plane, and Leila thought she knew what luxury was, but this private Airbus is on another level. It's all cream leather and polished wood, with business class seats that look more like individual living rooms. Each pod has its own entertainment system and enough space to lie flat, making her regular flight experiences look like public transit.

"First time on the team plane?" William's voice is warm as he slides into the seat next to her, flashing that smile that still makes her stomach flip.

"That obvious?"

"You're looking around like you just discovered Narnia."

She catches Aurélien watching them from across the aisle, his jaw doing that thing it does when he's thinking too hard.

"You should come to London after the break," William continues smoothly, either not noticing or choosing to ignore their captain's attention, "There's this amazing Nigerian restaurant I want to show you."

"Oh?" she tries for casual. "Just for the food?"

His smile turns soft. "Among other things."

Someone – definitely Jules – clears their throat loudly, and Leila suddenly finds the safety card fascinating.

"The restaurant's near Emirates," William adds. "I could show you around, catch a match..."

"You trying to convert her to Arsenal?" Bradley calls from behind them. "Nah, she needs to see a PSG match instead."

"Please," Mike scoffs. "Milan is clearly superior."

And just like that, they're all arguing about their clubs like they weren't just praising her cooking five minutes ago.

"Think about it?" William asks quietly while the others debate club merits.

She's about to answer when Aurélien's voice cuts through: "Leila, I need you to review the post-match schedules."

"Now? We just took off."

"Oui. Now."

William just shakes his head but his smile is knowing. "We'll talk later?"

She nods, gathering her tablet and trying not to analyze why their captain suddenly needs to review schedules he definitely already knows by heart.

**********************

The Puskás Aréna is something else entirely when they arrive – all modern glass and steel but somehow still intimidating as hell. Leila's back in her element, running through pre-match routines she's got down to a science by now. Water bottles positioned just so (because Michael swears the angle affects his performance), extra shin guards for Marcus (who she's convinced loses them on purpose at this point just to watch her scramble), and that specific pre-wrap that Mike treats like it's made of gold.

Aurélien's different today – you can see it in how he carries himself, that armband not just a piece of fabric but a crown. He moves through the locker room like he's been doing this his whole life, stopping at each player with exactly what they need: a quiet word with Jules, some complicated handshake with Cama that looks more like interpretive dance, a firm nod to William that carries weight she can't quite read.

The match itself? Pure poetry. Whatever that soul food did to them, it's working overtime because they're moving like they've got cheat codes enabled. Aurélien's commanding the midfield like he was born to it, every tackle clean enough to eat off of, every pass finding feet like he's got GPS in his boots.

Six minutes in and Cama's already making statements, finding the back of the net with the kind of finish that makes you question physics. Before Israel can even process what hit them, Nkunku's doubling the lead in the 26th minute, celebration looking suspiciously like a TikTok dance she's definitely seen Marcus teaching everyone.

Israel manages to pull one back, but these boys aren't about to let their captain's first match be anything less than spectacular. The last five minutes turn into a highlight reel – a goal in the 87th with a strike that probably broke the sound barrier, and then Bradley putting the final nail in the coffin just two minutes later, making it 4-1 with the kind of casual elegance that shouldn't be legal.

The final whistle just confirms what everyone already knew – this French team, with their new captain and apparently their new pre-match soul food ritual, is something special.

4-1. Four different scorers. And one very proud PA trying not to look too obvious about it.

*******************************

The rowdy chaos outside her hotel room tells Leila exactly what's about to go down. Post-match celebration means clubs, means someone's definitely about to drop stupid money on bottles, means Marcus will absolutely end up shirtless at some point, and means these boys are headed out to dance a little and find someone who's down to fuck. Instagram models will materialize like they've got professional athlete radar, the elevators about to get more action than a fashion week runway.

Her mind cannot handle the aura Aurélien has right now especially after winning his first match as captain; she knew what type time he was on and it wasn't going to be anything saintly. He loves a win more than anything and the only other thing that can top that is going out with the boys and bedding some girl.

Thank goodness she never heard him getting busy - that may scar her to the point of needing therapy but she read some things on gossip blogs (she didn't know if it was true or false) and the way they talked about him having humongous dick energy not to mention the stamina—

A knock on her hotel room door pulled her out of her thoughts and she hurriedly fixed her bonnet and glasses before looking at the peep hole and to her surprise it was Jules.

The hell?

"I know you know it's me," he says and Leila let out a groan silently debating on whether or not she should let him in. He knocked again, this time harder.

"Okay, relax." She said then opened the door. Jules eyes scanned over her body.

"That's how you going to the club, Leila? A bonnet and muumuu?"

And she squinted at him like he had three heads. "Huh?"

"You're coming to the club."

"I most certainly am not," she says, already trying to close the door, but Jules is faster, wedging his foot in the way.

"You really gonna let Wilo go to the club without supervision?" he asks with that smirk that means trouble. "When there's gonna be all those Hungarian baddies there?"

"Wilo is a grown man who can do whatever he wants," she says, but something must show in her face because Jules' grin gets wider.

"Mhm. And I'm sure Auré has nothing to do with you hiding in your room?"

"I'm not hiding, I'm being professional."

"Professional?" Jules actually laughs. "Ma puce, you're our age. You think the FFF expects you to sit in your room in a bonnet while we celebrate?"

"The FFF expects me to—"

"To what? Pretend you're not twenty-four? Come on. Get dressed. The car leaves in twenty."

"Jules—"

"Either you come willingly or I'm sending Marcus and Mike to get you. Your choice."

The threat of those two showing up at her door is enough to make her pause. They'd probably live-stream the whole thing, and then she'd have to explain to her mama why she's trending on French Twitter.

"Fine," she sighs. "But I'm not staying long."

"Sure," Jules says in a tone that suggests he doesn't believe her at all. "Wear that black dress you brought."

She narrows her eyes. "How do you know what's in my suitcase?"

"I don't. But you're a Black woman on a work trip – you definitely packed a just-in-case outfit."

"I hate that you know that."

His grin is entirely too satisfied. "Twenty minutes. And Lei?" He pauses at the door. "Aren't you curious what your captain's going to say when he sees you in something other than work clothes?"

Before she can throw something at him, he's gone, his laughter echoing down the hallway.

She looks at her reflection in the hotel mirror, bonnet and all, and lets out a deep sigh.

"Lord," she mutters, already reaching for her suitcase, "give me strength."

Because Jules isn't wrong – she definitely packed that black dress. Just in case.

The black halterneck dress has been sitting in her suitcase like it's been waiting for this moment, all dangerous intentions and "maybe I will act up tonight" energy. She holds it up, already questioning herself because this hem is definitely living its best thigh-high life. But then again, if she's about to get dragged to a club by a bunch of football players, she might as well look like she meant to be there.

The over-the-knee boots are her compromise with herself – wedge heels because she refuses to die tonight trying to channel her inner Instagram baddie in stilettos. Her silk press is still hanging on by a prayer and whatever magic Theresa put in that heat protectant, so at least that's one less thing to worry about.

One last glance in the mirror has her reaching for her silver metallic Diesel mini purse (her one designer splurge that she justified as a "work expense" because technically she does need to look put together around these millionaires).

A knock at the door has her rolling her eyes. "It has not been twenty minutes—" she starts, yanking it open, ready to tell Jules exactly where he can put his timeline.

Except it's not Jules.

William's standing there looking like every bad decision she's ever wanted to make, already dressed for the club in a fitted black Amiri shirt that's doing criminal things to his shoulders.

"Oh," she manages, suddenly very aware that this dress is doing exactly what it was designed to do. William's eyes do a slow sweep from her boots all the way up, and listen – she might need to text Theresa a thank you for this silk press because the way he's looking at her right now?

"Jules said you needed an escort to the club," he says, voice a little rougher than usual. "But I'm thinking maybe we should skip it."

She tries to remember how to form words like a professional. "Skip it?"

"There's this rooftop bar..." he starts, then stops as voices carry down the hallway – she catches Aurélien's distinct tone among them and something in William's expression shifts.

"The rooftop bar?" she prompts, pretending she doesn't hear the footsteps getting closer.

William steps closer, just inside her doorway. "Much quieter than the club. Better view. And we could actually..." he pauses as the voices get louder, "talk."

The way he says 'talk' definitely isn't suggesting conversation about the weather.

But before she can respond, another voice cuts through:

"Ma pu—" Aurélien's voice cuts off abruptly, and Leila watches something complicated pass across his face as he takes in the scene – William in her doorway, her in this dress that's definitely not PA-appropriate, the energy crackling between them that definitely isn't professional.

He's already dressed for the club too, looking like he stepped out of a GQ spread in all black everything, that captain's confidence still radiating off him. For a moment, nobody moves.

"Capitaine," William says easily, not moving from his spot. "We were just discussing alternate plans for tonight."

"Alternate plans?" Jules appears behind Aurélien, taking in the situation with raised eyebrows. "Non, non. The team celebrates together. You know this."

"I was thinking—" William starts, but Aurélien cuts him off.

"The van's leaving. Now." There's something in his voice that doesn't invite argument. "Both of you."

Leila catches Jules hiding a smile behind his hand, and she really might have to fight him later.

"After you," William says to her, finally stepping back, but his hand finds her lower back as they head toward the elevator and she swears she hears something that sounds suspiciously like a growl from behind them.

The rented van's already bumping with French trap music when she climbs in, Marcus and Mike immediately letting out wolf whistles that would absolutely get them slapped by their mamas.

"OH? Okay Lei! I see how you coming tonight!" Cama's eyes go wide. "This is not PA behavior!"

"Nah for real though," Marcus grins, "who told you to show up looking this good? We trying to play it cool tonight!"

"Cool?" Mike winks at her. "Ain't nothing cool about this. Now we know why Jules was so pressed about you coming out."

Bradley's already pouring shots in the back, passing them around like they didn't just play 90 minutes of professional football. "To the baddest in the van!"

"Hold up though," Khephren raises his glass with a smirk. "You really just been hiding all this under them work clothes? That's foul, Lei."

William's hand is still somehow finding reasons to brush against her knee, while Aurélien's watching the whole scene from the front like he's plotting multiple homicides. The bass is hitting hard enough to cover whatever Jules is saying to him, but judging by their captain's face, it's nothing he wants to hear.

"Another round?" Bradley calls out as Gazo's latest hit has everyone trying to rap along.

"No, I’m good. Thanks," she says.

The club is exactly what you'd expect when rolling with the French national team – all VIP treatment and bottle girls already lined up like they got a notification that fine athletes were incoming. Security parts the crowd, leading them straight to the section.

"You good?" William asks as she slides into the booth next to him, his hand finding that spot on her lower back again. Before she can answer, Marcus is already ordering bottles like he's trying to buy out the whole club.

"Dom, Clase Azul, and whatever our PA wants because she blessed us with that soul food!" he shouts over the music.

"And that dress," Mike adds, earning himself a look from Aurélien that could freeze hell.

The first bottle of Dom arrives with sparklers because of course it does – these men don't know how to do anything lowkey. Bradley's already got his phone out, documenting everything for his Close Friends story while Cama starts pouring shots like it's his job.

"To our captain!" Someone calls out, and more bottles appear, more sparklers, more everything.

"And to our angel," Khephren adds with a wink in her direction. "Feeding us like kings!"

She catches Aurélien's expression in the strobe lights, something dark and hungry in his eyes as he watches William lean in to whisper something in her ear. The music's too loud to hear what Jules says to him, but whatever it is makes their captain knock back his entire drink in one go.

"Dance with me," William says as Rema's voice fills the club, and Leila immediately starts shaking her head, pushing her glasses up her nose like they'll shield her from his request.

"Oh no, I don't—"

But then he does that thing with his tongue, running it across his lips in a way that should be illegal, and her brain short-circuits for a second.

"Come on," he grins, already standing and holding out his hand. "One dance."

Before she can protest again, he's leading her down from their VIP section to where the dance floor is pulsing with Afrobeats. She catches Aurélien's expression as they pass – something dangerous flickering in his eyes as he watches William's hand on her waist.

"I really don't dance," she tries one last time, but William's already pulling her closer, moving to the beat like he was born doing this.

"Everyone dances to Afrobeats," he says in her ear, his accent wrapping around the words. "Just feel it."

And maybe it's the shots, or maybe it's the way his hands feel on her hips, but she finds herself starting to move. The rhythm catches her, William's smile grows wider, and suddenly she remembers – she does know how to dance. She just usually doesn't do it in front of half the French national team.

But tonight? Tonight feels different.

The thing about dancing with a professional athlete is that they know exactly how to move. William's got this natural rhythm that makes it easy to follow his lead, his hands steady on her hips as she finds her groove. The beat switches to "Calm Down" and suddenly they're moving like they've been dancing together forever.

"Look who can dance after all," he murmurs in her ear, pulling her a little closer as she rolls her hips. The shots are definitely helping with her confidence, but it's the way he's looking at her that's really doing it – like she's the only girl in this packed club.

She catches glimpses of the other boys joining the dance floor – Marcus already shirtless (called it), Mike with some girl who looks like she models for Fashion Nova, Cama doing some complicated dance routine that has everyone making space. But she keeps feeling that weight of attention from above, knows without looking that Aurélien's watching every move, every time William's hands slide a little lower, every time she moves a little closer.

"You've been holding out on us," he says against her ear. "All this time in training and we never knew you could move like this."

A particularly bold turn has her back pressed fully against him, and oh – apparently footballers really do have incredible stamina because that's definitely not his phone in his pocket. His thumb traces her jawline, tilting her face up to his, and the look in his eyes makes her mouth go dry.

"I think," he says, voice rough in a way that sends heat straight through her, "we should get out of here."

The reasonable part of her brain, the part that remembers she's technically working, tries to speak up. But then his lips brush her ear and that part of her brain short circuits completely.

"I've got a suite," he continues. "Much quieter than here. Better view of the city."

She knows what he's really saying. Knows exactly what that invitation means. Knows that tomorrow she'll either have the best story for Yolanda or the biggest regret of her career.

From somewhere behind them, she hears Mike shout something that sounds suspiciously like "GET IT, LEI!" She's going to have to fight him later.

William's still waiting for an answer, his body moving against hers in a way that's making thinking very difficult. His hand slides up her spine, leaving fire in its wake, and really – what's the worst that could happen?

Besides losing her job, her dignity, and whatever's left of her heart that isn't already tied up in another footballer who thinks she's just okay.

The music shifts to something slower, something that has William pulling her even closer, and she's about to say yes to everything he's suggesting when someone bumps them hard enough to break their bubble.

"Désolé," Aurélien's voice cuts through the music as he moves past them toward the bar, not sounding sorry at all. Bradley is right behind him, shooting them an apologetic look that seems more amused than anything.

But William's not letting this moment slip. His fingers turned her attention back to him like their captain didn't just try to body check them on the dance floor. "So? That view I mentioned..."

Maybe it's the shots. Maybe it's the way he's looking at her. Maybe it's how Aurélien didn't even acknowledge her when he passed. Maybe it's all of it, mixing with the bass and the heat and the way William's fingers are drawing promises on her skin.

"Show me," she says, and his smile turns dangerous in the best way.

He leads her through the crowd, hand firm on her lower back. They pass the VIP section where Mike lets out another wolf whistle (she's definitely fighting him tomorrow), where Marcus is too busy with his own conquest to notice, where Cama's eyes go wide before he bumps Jules' shoulder with a knowing look.

She catches one last glimpse of Aurélien at the bar as they head for the exit, watches him knock back what looks like straight whiskey while Bradley says something in his ear. His eyes meet hers for just a moment, dark and intense and full of something she can't name.

But then William's guiding her toward the door, and she decides that's tomorrow's problem.

Tonight belongs to different choices.

**************************

The Uber ride is charged with enough electricity to power all of Budapest. William's got his hand on her thigh, thumb tracing circles that are making her brain malfunction, and listen – she might need to text God an apology real quick because the thoughts she's having right now are absolutely not church-appropriate.

He's definitely feeling those shots, all loose limbs and heated looks, but she's right there with him – everything's got that soft-focus feeling that makes bad decisions feel like destiny. The way he's looking at her like she's something to be devoured is doing things to her heart rate that can't be healthy.

But underneath all that liquid courage, panic is starting to set in. Because this man definitely thinks he's about to get the kind of experience his usual conquests provide, and she's over here having never gone past first base. Her virgin self is really about to try to play in the Champions League with no practice, and that's not even counting the fact that this man is built like he was carved from marble.

"You're thinking too loud," he murmurs, leaning in close enough that she can smell his cologne mixed with expensive liquor. His lips brush her ear and – oh. OH. Maybe this is how she dies. At least it's a good way to go.

The hotel appears way too quickly and not quick enough. William helps her out of the car like the gentleman he is, but his eyes are pure sin as they head for the elevator.

Her heart's doing double-time now, a mix of want and worry that has her pressing her thighs together. Because she wants this – wants him – but also? She's seen the gossip blogs. She knows what these football players are working with. And her inexperienced self is really about to—

The elevator doors close and William presses the button for his floor, and suddenly everything feels very, very real.

Lord help her.

It took no time before William got her pressed against the mirrored wall, one hand braced beside her head while the other plays with the ends of her hair. They haven't even kissed yet but the anticipation is thick enough to cut.

"You're beautiful," he murmurs, eyes tracking over her face like he's memorizing it. "You know that?"

The elevator dings at his floor and suddenly they're playing this game of trying to walk down the hallway while staying as close as possible. His key card takes three tries to work because he's too busy pressing soft kisses to her temple, her cheek, the corner of her mouth that's trying not to smile too wide.

Then they're through his door and everything shifts. His hands find her waist, pulling her close as he backs her against the door. The first press of his lips against hers is gentle, questioning, like he's asking permission yet when she sighs into it, fingers curling into his shirt, gentle goes out the window.

Listen. LISTEN. William Saliba can KISS. She's got her back against his hotel room door, his hands cupping her face like she's precious while simultaneously trying to steal her soul through her mouth. Everything's hazy with want and Clase Azul when his lips find that spot behind her ear that makes her knees weak. One of his hands slides down to her hip, thumb finding skin where her dress has ridden up, and the noise she makes should be embarrassing but he groans in response like she's driving him crazy.

His mouth is doing ungodly things to her neck, the kind of things that make her understand why people write songs about moments like this, when reality crashes back in.

"Wait," she manages to breathe out. "I should... I need to tell you something."

He pulls back just enough to look at her, eyes dark and intense in a way that makes her forget how to breathe. His thumb traces her bottom lip and for a moment she forgets what she was going to say.

"What's wrong?" His voice is rough in a way that does things to her insides, accent thicker than usual.

They've somehow migrated from the door to the middle of his suite, the city lights of Budapest twinkling behind them through floor-to-ceiling windows. His hands are still on her waist, thumbs drawing circles on her hips that make it hard to think straight.

"I've never..." she starts, then stops, trying to find the words while his mouth is doing devastating things to her collarbone. "I haven't..."

He pulls back again, and this time understanding dawns on his face slowly, his eyes widening. One hand comes up to cup her cheek, and she leans into it despite herself.

"Wait. You're...?"

She nods, warmth rushing to her cheeks that has nothing to do with his kisses or the shots still buzzing through her system.

"But you're twenty-four," he says like he's trying to solve a complicated math problem. His other hand is still on her waist, thumb still moving in those maddening circles. "And you look like... I mean, how has nobody...?"

She shrugs, suddenly finding his gold chain very interesting. "Just never happened. Never felt right with anyone."

His fingers catch her chin, tilting her face back up to his. The heat in his eyes has been replaced by something softer, something that makes her heart do different kinds of flips.

"We can wait," he says, thumbs stroking her cheeks. "Until you're ready. No pressure."

"You sure?"

His answering kiss is gentle now, all sweet promise instead of consuming fire. "Some things are worth waiting for."

They end up on his couch, trading lazy kisses that slowly build and ebb like waves. His hands stay respectfully above clothes even when hers wander a bit (because listen, those footballer abs are a gift and she's only human). They talk about nothing and everything – about growing up in France, about her friends in Georgia, about how nervous she was her first day as a PA.

It's nice. More than nice. The kind of nice that makes her wonder if maybe...

But it's getting late, and her willpower is seriously testing its limits with the way he keeps looking at her like she's something precious. She should go. She needs to go.

"I should head back," she murmurs against his lips.

"Mhm," he agrees, but kisses her again anyway.

Ten minutes and several more "I should really go" kisses later, she finally makes it to his door. He pulls her in for one last kiss that nearly changes her mind about leaving.

"Think about what I said," he says. "About London."

"I will."

She's still floating on cloud nine when she rounds the corner and nearly collides with them – Aurélien and what looks like this evening's conquest. The girl's exactly his type – all curves and confidence, the kind of ass that probably has its own Instagram following. They're wrapped around each other like they can't wait to get behind closed doors, and the sight hits her like a bucket of ice water.

Their eyes meet over the girl's shoulder, and something in his expression makes her stomach drop. She tries to slip past quietly, already planning how many miles she'll need to run tomorrow to forget this moment.

"Good night, Leila."

She freezes mid-step, the sound of her actual name falling from his lips feeling like a slap. Not 'ma puce'. Not his usual pet name that makes her heart flutter. Just Leila.

His hotel room door clicks shut, and she stands there in the hallway like someone just pressed pause on her whole world. In the eight months she's known him, through every up and down, every early morning and late night, every moment of casual intimacy and professional distance, he's never once called her just Leila.

Never once until now, when she's standing in a hallway wearing another man's kisses while he takes another woman to his bed.

The universe really does have a sense of humor.

A cruel one.

………….tbd

[kuiinncedes]

what do u meannnnnnn i'm abt to be post college graduation 🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️

[running-in-the-dark]

a super fun thing that my brain is really good at is hearing a random fact and remembering it forever. but only if it's bad :)

[elytrafemme]

so me and my parents are out looking for houses in the area, right, that are reasonably priced. because obviously i did not specify where i was to you all because internet security but we might end up centralized here as a family right. so we were looking and this area is... generally a pretty expensive place with an expensive real estate industry. and there’s a lot of privilege in the fact that my family is financially stable and well off enough to be looking here and i do realize that but i mean obviously we are not made of fucking money and we’re working on a budget for one house right.

anyway one of the agents casually dropped in the middle of the conversation that she owns five houses and. i cannot describe it to you the psychological response i had to that

[keeps-ache]

okay you know what actually. time is an opinion

[astonmartinii]

reluctant cupid | lando norris social media au

pairing: lando norris x fem bff!reader

you could set your bestie up with a driver or you could confess your feelings? lando norris is dumb.

based on this request: Could you write something about being best friends with lando and he tries to help set you up with another driver you have a crush on, but then he realises he actually likes you so he has to sabotage all the wingmanning he’s done and you end up together Idk if that makes sense 😭🫶🏼🫶🏼 -@mbappesleftthigh

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

yourusername

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 49,340 others

yourusername: someone please save me from the grips of hinge and this oh so lonesome life

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user1: girl knows the whole f1 paddock and looks like that and is still alone there is NO HOPE for me

user2: this post might have thrown me over the edge

landonorris: "i'm so lonely" "why don't you approach that guy" "no too scary"

user3: that's so real though

yourusername: thank you!

landonorris: how do you expect to find a boyfriend when you don't like to talk to anyone and treat hinge like a gameshow

yourusername: i didn't come here for actual advice let me commiserate in peace. god, can women have anything these days?

landonorris: ???

yourusername: oh! idea! pretty please set me up with one of your friends? they have to be great otherwise you wouldn't be friends with them, right? RIGHT?

landonorris: i guess...

yourusername: please lando, i've never asked for anything before

landonorris: i can feel you pouting through the phone

yourusername: so you'll consider ?

landonorris: fine...

user4: bro either gotta admit his feelings now or be condemned to be in the plot of a weird romantic comedy

user5: i personally don't think i can wait until the third act break up with this side character LANDO ACT NOW

oscarpiastri: you'd really trust lando's judgement?

yourusername: he's friends with me, he's got good taste?

oscarpiastri: touche

maxverstappen1: whatever you really wanna say oscar, you gotta keep it in, these idiots will figure it out eventually

yourusername: ???

landonorris: ???

user6: the grid are so done with their asses i can't 😭

user7: but what if the universe doesn't intervene and lando really has just lost the girl forever?

user8: bestie we can't be thinking like this

landonorris

liked by carlossainz55, yourusername and 812,047 others

tagged: yourusername

landonorris: being back home means being bothered by her (and whatever is her newest hyperfixation - it's sylvanian families this month if you couldn't tell)

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user9: i am so sorry but they are so in love

user10: it's cute in the movies, but these blind bitches are starting to piss me off

yourusername: THEY CAN HEAR YOU, BE A BETTER DAD

landonorris: they're not my children

yourusername: you take that back right now, you LOVE them

landonorris: you spent my money on them yes

yourusername: that's fatherhood, buddy. buckle up

user11: whoever he sets her up (if he's still dumb enough to do that) is gonna be the biggest third wheel in history

user12: who would willingly sign up for that

user13: me. i would. i have two working eyes and have seen y/n

maxverstappen1: who are these funky little critters and how can i procure some for p?

yourusername: finally a man with sense, literally any grocery store or toy store

maxverstappen1: perf

yourusername: if lando stops being mr. grumpy i'll ask him if i can come to a race and p and i can play animal families

landonorris: i am NOT mr. grumpy

maxverstappen1: you kinda are dude. is it the set-up is it stressing you out?

landonorris: nO

yourusername: then why are you putting it off !!! lando i might die from terminal yearning !!!

landonorris: i have an interested candidate

yourusername: really? do you think they'll actually like me? like this isn't a pity date right?

landonorris: nope!

user14: lando is typing through tears as we speak

user15: if y/n does go on a date with someone from the paddock i actually hope it goes well, as one lonely girl to another, it's tough out here we need one win

f1wagupdates

liked by user18, user19 and 11,043 others

tagged: yourusername & carlossainz55

f1wagupdates: turns out lando is a bit of a cupid as his childhood friend y/n y/ln was spotted out and about with carlos sainz.

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user20: HE ACTUALLY DID IT

user21: that moment when you're so down bad for a girl that you set her up with your best friend

user22: that moment when you're such a wimp you can't admit your feelings and set up the girl you like with a literal GREEK GOD

user23: i am so bamboozled by this move he literally looked like a kicked puppy on his stream bro this is your doing 😭

user24: she's a lover girl she's going to get her heart broken :(

user25: this has mess written all over it

user26: she's literally described herself as a terminal yearner i feel like she'll throw herself in and will get hurt

user27: UNLESS! this is all part of the plan? what if lando set her up with a messy guy like carlos so he can be the shoulder to cry on and that's how he slides in?

user28: that's very convoluted, very rom-com but i'll take it if it means we get lando and y/n together in the end

user29: i know this probably won't last long but can we all appreciate how hot this couple is?

user30: lando and y/n runs rings round y/n and carlos

user31: lol lando is a bad friend for setting her up with CARLOS him and charles are THEE red flags

user32: i hope y/n is prepared

user33: also lando hasn't thought it fully out if his plan is to be the shoulder to cry on because he's just opening her up to be called a homie hopper or a paddock bunny

carlossainz55

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly and 702,554 others

carlossainz55: productive weekend with my girl

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user34: well that's not y/n

user35: that finished faster than i expected

user36: lando DO NOT quit your day job

landonorris: call me bro

carlossainz55: si, cabron

user37: i don't think they'll be cabrons after this call

user38: maybe this is all just going to plan?

user39: yall gotta give up this conspiracy theory maybe these people are just as dumb and mean as they seem to be

user40: soooooo... what did we all do this weeekend?

user41: i broke a girl's heart @carlossainz55 twins 👯‍♂️

user42: AHHHH???

maxverstappen1: oh that's not-

yourusername: you're so chronically online :(

maxverstappen1: you're alive?

yourusername: yes. coming at you live from the bed i'm currently rotting in

maxverstappen1: not going to say i didn't warn you?

carlossainz55: really? in my own comment section?

yourusername: one second, we're having a conversation here

maxverstappen1: yeah carlos, gosh.

carlossainz55: i'm so confused

user43: okay power move to just start a conversation in his comments?

user44: the power of confusion is simply unmatched

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris and 56,309 others

yourusername: certified boy hater

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user45: a ferrari boy will do that to you

landonorris: feeling hashtag victimised rn

yourusername: obviously doesn't include you girlypop. but you seriously need to reevaluate your judgement

landonorris: carlos is attractive?

yourusername: he ghosted me?

carlossainz55: i am right here

yourusername: blocked.

landonorris: did you actually just block him?

yourusername: yes 😀 !

landonorris: god this is a nightmare

yourusername: not if you'd take a GOD DAMN HINT

landonorris: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

user46: yall this is a public instagram comment section

user47: don't say that, this is their argument in the rain moment

user48: lemme grab the popcorn 🍿

maxverstappen1: this better not include the real number one girlypop here

yourusername: of course not pookie

oscarpiastri: you gonna continue the lil spat above this?

yourusername: no?

oscarpiastri: well some people (max and i) would like to listen so please continue

yourusername: no, i don't think i will

oscarpiastri: GOD YOU PEOPLE ARE INSUFFERABLE

maxverstappen1: what oscar said

user49: oscar and max are so real

user50: they can't leave us on this cliff hanger

landonorris

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo and 1,043,788 others

landonorris: some snaps from '23

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user51: have we just been thirst trapped?

user52: i don't think it was intended for us

user53: this has "i am hotter than carlos sainz" written all over it

yourusername: posting tits on main, brave.

landonorris: i came second in singapore.

yourusername: sureeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. modesty, ever heard of it lan?

landonorris: slutshaming isn't cute y/n

yourusername: you kinda have to pull to be a slut lan. you are under qualified for the position

landonorris: if you keep being mean to me i will call your mum or my mum.

yourusername: try it. i see cisca more than you, i have faith in her

landonorris: the line is busy. are you on the phone to MY mum right now?

yourusername: maybe.

user54: we're so close to them getting their heads out of their asses

user55: don't get my hopes up

danielricciardo: i hope this works lol

landonorris: you don't think i'm sexy?

danielricciardo: it doesn't matter what i think

landonorris: i'm not sexy :(

danielricciardo: you're baiting me but yes, you are sexy.

user56: i'll fight anyone who made this man believe he's not beautiful

liked by yourusername

user57: I SAW THAT 📸

user58: someone just lock them in a cupboard at this point

oscarpiastri: noted.

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris and 89,034 others

tagged: landonorris

yourusername: yeah, yeah. you can stop yelling at us now.

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user61: LET'S FUCKING GO

user62: it was worth all that yelling. i expect an invite to the wedding now.

user63: wedding? girly they only just realised their feelings after a DECADE

maxverstappen1: it was about fucking time

yourusername: okay miss ma'am. some people are EMOTIONALLY VULNERABLE AND NOT VERY GOOD AT PROCESSING THEM

maxverstappen1: you must've been emotionally constipated because this was painful

yourusername: it was painful for me too

maxverstappen1: so painful that you dated CARLOS

yourusername: one date! ONE!

maxverstappen1: carlos said can you unblock him so he can be mean to me?

yourusername: fine.

carlossainz55: STOP MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A BAD PERSON. YES I AM NOT THE BEST AT RELATIONSHIPS BUT LEAVE ME BE

maxverstappen1: lol

yourusername: lol

user64: unblocking carlos to hit him with the lol max and y/n might be more iconic than lando and y/n

landonorris: not on our relationship announcement post 🤨

user65: OOP.

landonorris: i love you doofus

yourusername: i love you too muppet

landonorris: how much was the betting pool for your family?

yourusername: it got to over £300

landonorris: ours was £750

yourusername: are we dumb?

landonorris: no!

oscarpiastri: two dumbass girls saying 'yass' to each other

yourusername: LEAVE US BE

landonorris: oscar :(

user66: not their own families betting on when they'd get together 😭

landonorris

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 1,430,778 others

tagged: yourusername

landonorris: first win, hopefully not my only one.

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user67: MY BABIES

user68: i feel like i've been on this journey with them

oscarpiastri: thank god you guys got your shit together, i was THIS close to jumping out the nearest window if i had to watch lando mope around like a kicked puppy when y/n had the lil thing with carlos

user69: so it wasn't some grand plan?

oscarpiastri: no he's just dumb enough to actually set up his first love with his best friend

landonorris: OSCAR!

oscarpiastri: am i wrong?

landonorris: no... but! i got there in the end

oscarpiastri: good thing you're faster on track

user70: the grid being just as done with them as us is killing me

maxfewtrell: finally this unnecessarily long and overly convoluted saga has come to and end, lets never do this again!

landonorris: i'm locked in for life bro no worries

yourusername: awwwwwwwwwwwwww i love you too bubs

maxfewtrell: stop being sappy under my comment

yourusername: you just complained we didn't sort out our shit fast enough and now we're too sappy?

landonorris: STICK TO A STORY BOZO

maxfewtrell: now you're even more ride or die... can we go back?

yourusername: nope!

landonorris: nope!

maxverstappen1: i for one am very happy for you both

yourusername: thank you max !!

landonorris: not so fast, he had the biggest bet on us in the paddock

yourusername: get that bag sis

landonorris: ???

yourusername: we can't fight it anymore, let them have their jokes, we actually have each other now :)

landonorris: yes we do :) xx

user71: golly gosh this is so fucking cute

fin.

note: i hope this is what you were looking for and that you all enjoyed!! i'm just waiting on my tester sticker sheets for my small business @badlydrawnf1cats on here and on instagram, if you wanna give it a follow x tHANK YOU FOR READING MY LOVES X

[marsprincess889]

Ketu in the houses

Doing smaller(in this case not so much, but it's still more elementary and formulaic) posts before dropping the big ones. I know you all are going to love this (my blog has become a ketu information hub for a lot of you 😅🙃)

As always, keep in mind: ketu is very internal and personal. I can give you basic descriptions and observations but to connect with your ketu, due to its essence and nature, I think you'll have to shut out a lot of the noise and just listen to yourself. That concerns everything. So, if your truth is telling you that I or someone's description is incorrect, then trust it. Be careful while examining that.

Ketu in the 1st house:

Automatic and natural possession of the physical body. Comfortable in their own skin, sometimes too comfortable. Have an appearance that suits natural adornment. Quality pieces look extra good on them, but even they wear/carry something "cheap", it still somehow works. They don't have to really think about their appearance, but if they do start to, it might have enormous impact on others. They're not really fans of trendy looks of the moment as I've observed, they have the power to set the trends themselves but I'd say most of them are not aware of that. Might be loud while talking and have a sort of unrestrained/unfazed demeanor. On ther hand, they might also be really quiet.

When all else fails, just focus on yourself. Keep coming back to yourself in times of crisis. You have good health but don't ignore it, this placement might not even give you the permission to. You have enormous privilege of having amazing power, don't waste it.

Ketu in the 2nd house:

Hoarders, collectors, but not intentionally. Possessions have meanings attached to them. Intuitively have a knowing of what should go into their body and follow it, even if others disagree. Good at measuring the worth of things or people. Relaxed face. Sort of disconnected from their family or lineage, or seem that way. Family support was convenient in childhood but might have been taken for granted. Deeper voice(?), slightly intimidating way of speaking. Great singers(?).

You can always ground yourself, no matter how strongly it seems otherwise. The support and the family can be all around you if you find it inside yourself first.

Ketu in the 3rd house:

This is my placement, so it's gonna be longer(cause I have more info, not cause I'm arrogant😭) so bear with me.

Aware and alert but ironically might not be aware of this at first. Great instincts, naturally skilled. The information field is constantly on their radar. A lot of what they observe is boring to them, and they absorb everything. Movements are natural/effortless. Might look clumsy or careless with movements or speaking sometimes but they have it together, more than others and more than it shows. Have the ability to skillfully get out of sticky situations. Survivors. They have creative ways of managing tasks. Great with details but confused with too much data, they consider it pointless. Can get to the bottom of things. Can play devil's advocate but they often don't want to. Can argue but it's mainly to increase a sense of self-possession. Their "trivial" words have more meaning than they or others assume at first. Don't say a lot of what they know. Might be surprised that things that are obvious to them elude others. More shrewd than they look, but they themselves consider a lot of "shrewd" and "cunning" strategies dumb and superficial. WILL NOT trust others before analyzing them in their head. Quick, kind of messy minds but still somehow organized and sensible. Love to dig and investigate. Trust themselves before anyone else. Know that they know stuff but can't show the whole truth of it easily. Use confusion as a weapon. Relationships with siblings, cousins and childhood friends are nuanced, interesting and kind of cimplicated. Town/neighborhood black sheep but still fit there the best.

Ehh, what can I say, you're doing amazing keep going. 😭 The truth will come, don't worry, boredom is not forever and sometimes it's better than anything. Anxiety is a warning, get that b*tch out of your system, connect to what makes you calm. Look around you and get rooted to your life, like you know how to do.

Ketu in the 4th house:

Strongly tied to their home/family, whether they want/like it or not. Private about family life. Need their space a lot. Sort of clingy to their family and home but at the same time want to break out of it. Get defensive if you get too close or vulnerable. Have a natural ability to nurture but always nurture themselves first. Familial responsibility is embedded in them. May have been spoiled with attention, especially in childhood but have hated it, or have come to hate it. On the other hand, might have felt very ignored by their family memebers. Might have a very traditional family that values culture, upholding to moralities, and appearance.

Family is not the worst thing in the world and I know the ties might hurt, but there is truth and stability there for you. Find peace there and the rest will fall in place.

Ketu in the 5th house:

Fun, creativity, art has deep meaning to them. Life is built on entertainment for them. Their life is a soap opera. Dramatic and expressive. Art is their religion. Can be ignorant of other's preferences and naturally assert dominance when the situation concerns creativity, entertainment and art, even remotely. Only know what they like and don't seek to be trendy in their preferences, it's very personal to these natives. Can be selfish and get lost in hedonism. Don't discriminate between pop and indie, or discriminate harshly. Not easily infulenced in general but easily persuaded if you know their "weak points"/preferences. Generous with their attention if others can pay even more attention to them.

Yeah, life is art, but it's not for profit and not always for show. Learn to be humble when life demands it. It IS your life, but before you get lost in the art, make sure you're rooted in the truth of it.

Ketu in the 6th house:

Resilient, distrustful but relaxed. Healthy and helpful, very practical and balanced. Might have had health struggles that have shaped them and made them stronger. Natural medicine>chemicals. Will take chemicals if they consider it correct and see no other way. Expert at making the best out of the worst situations. Not confrontational but can put people in their place. On the other hand, might not hesitate one bit and be direct in times of tension. Know how to look after themselves and hate it when others interfere. Won't take advice even from close people, have a very unique and personalised way of looking after themselves, as well as a unique/personalised routine. Obstacles might persist but they can't to much to these people. Skillful and quietly cunning but it's not much work.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and squeeze them in other people's eyes if needed. You gotta be selfish sometimes, what can you do. Every day is a gift and the routine is a privilge. Don't be mean about it.

Ketu in the 7th house:

Lovers and supporters. Recognize other people easily and connect to them deeply and effortlessly. Charming and genuine. Recogize the truth behind connections and human behavior, sensitive to one-on-one dynamics. Good listeners, excellent company, giving and humble but know how they gain from relationships and connections. Value harmony and conflict resolution. Naturally attune to others and find their sense of self through them. Know how and what to sacrifice for others but have strong and specific boundaries. Love has a deep meaning to them, any kind of love. Important relationships are full of intricacy and are laced with destiny.

We are parts of something bigger than us, and we all have stories to tell. Keep finding yourself through other people and keep helping others find themselves. "Karmic" ties are not punishment, they're the simple truth.

Ketu in the 8th house:

Complicted internally, don't make much of it. Each crisis is an opportunity to gain. Survival IS life. Never reveal too much of themselves and easily read others, but can be stubborn about seeings things in only their way. Incorrect judgement costs them a lot, correct judgement gives them enormous power. Struggle anyways. Casually intense. Se×ual and private. Privacy is a must. Go through a lot of pain and become savage if their privacy is invaded. Know that selfishness is very selfless. Quietly independent, confidently dependant, carefully engaging. Adaptible but out of necessity. Hide their intensity, along with other things, very well.

The complications are alright, don't be afraid of the unknown, or fear itself. It's okay to go deep, it's okay to not, it's ok to survive however it is possible for you.

Ketu in the 9th house:

Philosophy is natural. They find truth everywhere if only they detach. They seem "higher" than others, and seem to be enjoying it. Truth is simple and exhilirating for them. They need their freedom. They exude a sense of wander and assuredness. Don't really care about conventional morals as most people see them and have a hightly personal sense of right and wrong. Religion is very familiar to them, whatever it has been. Talk to "god" and "the divine" to feel comfort, might not realize it fully. Their faith has been tested and strengthened, and they themselves might have tested their own others' faith. Might feel like nobody will understand their exact beliefs, but understand others' beliefs. Even if they feel lonely sometimes, places of worship feel weirdly reasuring. Can become a little arrogant.

Your ideals are not too high and mighty. You know what you know, and you should know that you do. Not everyone can ground themselves in a grand and utopian place. Don't let possible arrogance blur or exaggerate it.

Ketu in the 10th house:

Legacy is inherited. The world can feel like their oyster. Even if not much is going well, they might feel supported by people in power, and usually, they are, even though they never really asked for it. Older people and those with more experience bring out their natural competence and maturity. Might come from a line of influence, usually from father's side. Easily gain aqcuaintances but feel like they have to work hard to gain and keep friends. Might feel like they have much to lose but don't worry about it. Family prince/princess, or people's prince/princess, but in a quiet way. Naturally self-possessed. Might feel chained by obligations.

There are those who will stand by you as you pull back and detach. When you go into the world, people see you, and you know how to act. You don't really care about your reputation, but it cares about you. Don't lose a good thing, embrace and enjoy it, because in that, you will find your truth and your power. That stability that is too familiar to you, it's a huge privilege.

Ketu in the 11th house:

Everyone's friend, everyone's confidante, one of the girls/boys. The gang is what they trust, but they don't look for the gang. The gang is just there. Friends flock to them and they welcome all, but friendships are private and their business. The kind of people that don't have to do anything for friends to find them. Might feel like they act like a constant chameleon to everyone but feel comfortable in that place. Can be too neutral to strangers, but become proud activists for causes that are close to their heart. Strongly unbiased and multi-faceted. Others feel relieved when they're around at gatherings. Can be very uncaring and dismissive, unless you are one of their people.

You're lucky with support. Even if friends have dissapointed you, you have gotten something valuable and worthy out if it. There are those that are your people, and those that aren't. Don't lose sight of that, but be honest with discerning who is who.

Ketu in the 12th house:

What really lights them is hidden and reserved only for them. Selfless like it's nothing. Deep and understanding, floating through life like a fish following their own current. They can gently hold your hand through harshest times but it's so subtle you'll barely realize you've been affected by them by the time it's almost done. When they get lost, they really get lost, and that's when and where find themselves. Hate to force things and know how to be humble. Private like no one else. If life gets too hollow they become a recluse. Nobody sees what depths they carry within at first, but some might suspect, by their restrained behavior, or by an innocent yet wise look in their eyes. They're not mad when they go into themselves, and no matter how much you try to get to them, if they can't, they won't hear you. But it does not matter. In their own way, they hear and see everyone, and through them, they see and hear themselves.

Oh, yes, confusion is huge and it seems overwhelming. You know how to find comfort in that. So many sides to life, so many truths. If others tell you you're deluded, do not forget that everyone is. When your sacrifice and martyrdom becomes too much, stay only with yourself once more.

[vaspider]

Spider, do you have any advice on voting when the options are basically the same? I'm not talking Trump vs. Harris, they are definitely not the same. But my local elections are all "absolutely ghoulish republican who's running on Christian Fundamentalism and opposing the Radical Left, is an anti-enviromentalist, and brags about in their previous term in public office where they legally punished a bunch of homeless people for being homeless" vs "[the exact same fucking thing]". Yes, one of the races, they're both running on how they empowered police to break up homeless camps and arrest them for illegally camping. And it's like the whole local ballot that's like this. Granted, this isn't my first election, and the area where I live has always been very Like That, but it's getting worse year after year.

(People are always like "it must be nice living in California since everyone is so accepting over there" but no, that's mostly on the coast. When you get inland enough, it's not that different from what people think of when they talk about rural Texas (lots of people here are descended from the Okies and the Arkies and the like that came during the Dust Bowl, including my own family)).

[Running for office is not an option for me, I'm not even a functional human being at it is.]

Well.

I think that either you pick things apart until you find one thing that is slightly less shitty about one of the candidates, or you skip that specific race. Those are really your only two options, you know? You can't create another candidate at this stage, and you don't want to skip voting entirely, so... it's okay to skip one race if you really fucking hate both candidates.

I mean, what else are you gonna do?

[tac-the-unseen]

I love all ur blog sm!! Can I ask abt something with the slashers (specially Thomas <3) with an foreigner!reader that don't quit speak english very well and normally forget words?

(Sorry if something is spelled wrong, English is not my native language lmao)

Absolutely, I can!

And because the request didn't specify, this fic will strictly be about speaking a foreign language.

Sorry if this is inaccurate! I'm a native English speaker and don't know many who aren't. Sorry in advance!!

Slashers x Foreigner!Reader

Micheal Myers:

•This man will act like he doesn't care but in reality he's so intrigued. (It might be why you're still alive) 

•He’ll spend his time watching you practice your pronunciation and recognition patterns, like it's a movie.

•Is he a bit mean about it? Yes. Will he laugh? Probably.

•If you find yourself not knowing what certain words are and stumble around until you find the right word, You'd be surprised at how patient he is. 

•If you are very new to the English language he'll secretly get you flash cards and stash them into a place he knows you'll find them

•Despite everything, if you ask him for help, he will help. He might be mute but he can write and use TV to aid you.

Billy loomis & Stu macher:

•Stu is already romanticizing your language, but instead of using the actual name of your language, he calls it “Talking pretty to me”

•Billy asks if you want any text books or study equipment to help you on your English speaking journey 

•Both boys are a surprising help! Stuttering trying to articulate what you mean? They've already jumped in to, A) help save you some of the embarrassment, and B) give you time to think about what you're trying to say. 

•Someone making fun of you? They're either dead or a social outcast by the end of the week. 

•Are you struggling to remember a certain word? These boys are willing play charades until you figure it out. And they won't drop it either, Stu says ‘It’s bad to give up when you've already come so far.’ 

•Over all it's not so bad (Stu 100,000,000% uses Google translate to figure out how to say ‘i love you’ in your native language) 

Thomas Hewitt:

•When both of you met, he had never met an actual foreigner before.

•He knew people travel around and occasionally some valley girl would end up in their small town, But someone from a whole different part of the world?

•His interest in you spiked the moment he heard your accent 

•Thomas has so many questions but doesn't know how to ask you

•With him being mute and your struggles with English, It's not the easiest relationship. In the end both of you just end up pointing at things and making noises to get your point across. 

•Absolutely loves to listen to you speak in your native language, Even if he'll never understand it. 

•When he's first trying to court you, he leaves you slightly damaged flowers (he struggled to pick them) to communicate his affection. 

•even with a language barrier, he's gonna love you like no one ever could 

Bubba Sawyer:

•He had no idea people outside of America existed 

•When You fell into the palm of Texas and his brothers found you failing to remember the word for your favorite snack, They knew you would be an easy target.

•When they kidnapped you and brought you to the basement so Bubba could chop you up, he was fascinated by the way you desperately tried to beg him not to kill you. 

•It ended in a huge fight in the family, But he got everyone to let you live a bit longer.

•Sits Criss Cross applesauce while you speak for your life. You could babble about anything and he would listen intently. 

•He pulls out his alphabet soup machine and spends hours typing with you. (You help him finally get past the clown level)

Bo Sinclair:

•absolute meanie, stinky poopy head about it >:(

•will mock your stutters and say stuff like “Oh come ON! The word is Cat! C. A. T. CAT! What's so hard about that?” 

•If you speak your native language around him, He thinks you're insulting him or intentionally hiding something. 

•”If you could say it to my face in your language you can say it to my face again in mine!”

•The same sentiment is not shared when it involves bedroom fun

•Will eventually apologize, But that's going to take a while 

Vincent Sinclair:

•As another non-speaking fellow he takes his time to make sure you two can understand each other 

•He’ll mostly use body language and and little doodles to get his point across 

•Stuttering over a word? He doesn't care, he'll let you work it out without any judgment!

•Want his help? He has several books, Vincent will just pull out a book he knows as the word in it, flipped to the page, and point at the word. 

•Love listening to you talk, In English or not. He'll happily let you yap his ear off. 

Lester Sinclair:

•Poor boy was lovestruck when he first heard you talk!

•Full on heart eyes while you explain where you're from and how you ended up here 

•If you end up fumbling on a word he'll start shouting out potential words for what you're trying to say. 

•Example: “and then I had too…uh…um..” “Run? Pee? Eat? Were you hungry? Are you hungry right now?” 

•So helpful, I know

•But the guy is already googling restaurants based off your native cuisine. He's got the date set up. 

•”It's no biggie, I'm a native English speaker and I still can't get it right!” 

Billy Lenz:

•Billy 100% understands the struggle of finding the right word to say 

•He can't stop stuttering himself, so when you start stuttering you kind of reinforce us in his brain that you were meant to be together 

•He feels like he can bond with you over it, and even feel safer around you knowing that you also mess up 

•the thing is if you start stuttering, he'll start stuttering. If you can't get it by God he will.

•”W-we can't bo-oth be wrong.” 

Brahms Heelshire:

•this man will 100% try to learn your language as soon as he finds out you're a foreigner

•That man has a huge library, there's bound to be at least one book written in your mother tongue 

•He spends a lot of time practicing your native language so he can speak to you more comfortably

•You already know he has children's learning books he'll pull out if you ask. 

•Can't find the word you're looking for? He's already 10 books deep, he'll find it for you. 

•Brahms is a well-educated man and he intends to use His years of learning to help 

•If you want to take classes to better your English skills he will 100,000% throw money your way to do so.

Hannibal Lecter:

•Now Hannibal really understands 

•He's a Lithuanian who learned English as a 10 year old

•He didn't struggle as much, But for the first couple of months you bet he was stumbling. 

•If you're struggling with a word, He has a process of teaching you so you don't forget it again. 

1) Identify what you're trying to say 

2)Slowly begin to sound out the word 

3)Have you recite the word a few times 

4)He'll either teaches you a little tune to remember or he'll do something so you remember the moment 

•Does it feel a little condescending? Yes. But it works 

•He's also willing to pour an ungodly amount of money into your English education if you ask 

•He'll even teach you himself in his spare time

Will Graham:

•Doesn't really know what to do, He's a bit awkward about it 

•He'll also identify the word and repeat it a few times so you can get a better handle on it.

•He thinks it's a bit funny and a bit cute when you stutter or mispronounce something 

•He will gently correct you and move on like nothing happened 

The Lost Boys:

•holy fucking shit this is a cluster fuck, let's do this one by one 

•David

-David, having been around a while, has picked up a couple languages.

-If he does know the language you're speaking he'll speak it back to you and guide you into English better than the other boys could 

-If not, he'll just read your mind and tell you what you're trying to say. It's by far the easiest way to articulate what you mean. 

•Dwayne

-Dwayne being just slightly younger than David has also picked up a couple languages 

-It's really the same if he does know your language But with a little more verbal teaching 

-If he doesn't he'll patiently wait until you figure out what you're trying to say. 

•Paul

-as soon as you start to stutter over yourself Paul starts shotgunning words off 

-some slightly related to the situation and others wildly out there 

-”Drink? Food? Ocean? Horse? The unforgiving eyes of God and His kingdom???” 

-he'll do this to confuse you and have a nice laugh 

•Marko

-Marko speaks English and Italian, so if your language isn't one of those two you're kind of shit out of luck 

-”Come on babe, you'll get it” 

-He finds it a bit funny but still tries to help in little ways 

Thanks for reading <3

Sorry if this seems hastily written together, I haven't had the request in a while so I kind of jumped at the opportunity.

[tpwk-formula1]

hi! could i pls get sicilian crust with alfredo sauce, pepperoni, pineapple, roasted mushrooms, and goat cheese. then also sprite, dr pepper, truly, and dessert? sorry for the big order 😭

p.s. i love ur writing so much 🫶🏻

Lee-Lee's Pizzeria Menu

sicilian dating Alfredo sweet sex pepperoni "Be a good girl, and you'll get what you want" pineapple "Look so pretty wrapped around my cock" roasted mushroom “Fucking you so good you I can see myself in your tummy” goat cheese "Look so pretty like this" sprite size kink dr pepper dirty talk truly belly bulge dessert yes served by Ollie Bearman

Ollie x Gf! Reader

TW - Oral (m&f receiving), unprotected sex, slight teasing, belly bulge, slight size kink

WC 1400+

Y/N POV

"If we get married one da-" I start saying but get quickly cut off by my boyfriend Ollie scoffing making me turn my head with a raised brow.

"IF? If we get married? You mean WHEN we get married," Ollie corrects making me laugh slightly and nod my head in agreeance.

"Well, ya when we get married, would you want to write personal vows or standard ones?" I reply softly with a blush creeping on my cheeks just at the thought of marrying Ollie one day.

"Well, what would you want? I love love to be able to get up in front of our entire family and friends and tell them exactly how much I love you and all the promises I make to you but I understand if you would rather do that in a more personal setting," Ollie replies softly while looking down at me.

We had spent the whole day being pretty lazy and had currently been watching The Office while cuddling when the random question popped up into my head.

"Well, I've always pictured myself doing a first look before I walk down the isle so maybe we could do personal ones just us and maybe with our parents and closest friends and then during the ceremony maybe giving the standard ones," I reply back making Ollie smile and nod.

"Well, that sounds like a good plan to me. I'm shocked a bit that you would want to do a first look," Ollie tells me softly making me laugh lightly.

"I don't know I just love first looks they feel really personal and then that way we can have our moment alone before having a moment for everyone you know. I'm sure there's gonna be a lot of people and eyes on us so I think it would be nice to have something for just us and the important people," I tell Ollie softly making him nod.

"God, we really are gonna have a lot of people there," Ollie says clearly thinking about all the the people we would be inviting to our future wedding.

"You think you're gonna invite all your engineers from Haas and Ferrari?" I ask slightly laughly making Ollie chuckle along.

"Probably not, but definitely the important ones. You gonna invite everyone in your ballet preformances?" Ollie questions with a laugh falling from his lips.

"No, definitely not. Maybe 1 or 2 of them are deserving of an invite. Please tell me you're not inviting every driver on the grid," I jokingly ask while cringing just thinking about how much ruckus the 20 of those boys could cause.

"Oh definitely all 20," Ollie says with a smirk falling on his lips making me laugh and nod.

"Ya I guess they are pretty important," I nod laughing with Ollie.

"You're really gonna marry me one day?" Ollie asks suddenly getting serious.

"Well ya, when the day comes that you ask me to marry you I'll say yes in a heartbeat," I tell him with a smile starting to spread across my face. Ollie matched my smile before pulling me closer to his chest and kissing me softly on the lips.

"I fucking love you," Ollie tells me making me laugh and tell him I loved him too.

I pulled Ollie back in for another kiss this one turning into a heated makeout session with me crawling into Ollie's lap and grinding down softly feeling his cock starting to grow hard under me.

"Fuck baby," Ollie groans making me giggle softly.

"I can feel how hard you are," I reply softly against Ollie's lips making him groan when I grind down harder into his growing cock.

I pull off my shirt quickly leaving my upper body completely bare for Ollie's large hands to grip onto my tits making me whimper slightly.

"God, I love these tits," Ollie groans making me smile softly.

Ollie starts teasing my nipples with his fingers making me whimper before I start pulling off Ollie's shirt making Ollie pull away slightly to help pull it off all of the way.

I look down at Ollie's toned chest making me rub my hands along his chest and abs before settling on the waistband of his shorts pulling them open just slightly so I can sneak my hand and squeeze his hard cock.

"Fuck," Ollie groans when I start jerking him off slightly.

Ollie and I both climb out of bed and strip our clothes off before I pull Ollie in for another kiss and push him to sit on the edge of the bed so I can get on my knees for him.

"Look so pretty like this" Ollie mumbles while staring down at me on my knees for him.

I slowly start jerking his cock off before leaning down and pulling the tip of his large cock into my mouth pulling him farther down my throat and making me gag slightly around his cock.

"Fuck," Ollie moans when I start bobbing my head. I hum softly against his cock knowing how much he loves the soft vibrations against his sensitive cock.

"Slow down," Ollie groans pulling my hair into a ponytail and pulling me up his cock slowly when I start gagging around his cock.

"Don't want you to get hurt," Ollie mumbles when I look up at him confused.

"I'm fine, wanna make you feel good," I explain softly while bringing him back into my mouth and down my throat gagging once again but this time Ollie just groaned and enjoyed the pleasure.

"Fuck, Look so pretty wrapped around my cock," Ollie groaned making me whine around his cock and bring my hand between my thigh to tease my already-soaked pussy.

"Get on the bed," Ollie groaned pulling me up and helping me onto the bed.

Ollie was between my thigh within moments, pulling my clit into his mouth and sucking it like his life depended on it.

"Oh fuck, Ollie," I whimper pulling his hair between my fingers and tugging him closer to my core.

"More," I beg when I feel Ollie slowly slip two fingers into my pussy.

"Be a good girl, and you'll get what you want," Ollie groaned against my pussy while picking up the pace with his fingers making the band in my stomach tighten warning me of the orgasm that is starting to build.

"I want you cumming on my cock," Ollie says while slipping his fingers out of my pussy making me whimper at the loss of pleasure.

Ollie sits up before he slowly slips his cock into my pussy making me whimper when I feel his large cock starting to fill my tight pussy up.

"Oh god," I scream out when Ollie is all the way seated in my pussy. I could feel the stretch of him all around me making me whimper.

"Too big," I gasp when Ollie starts thrusting his hips softly trying to stretch me out as much as possible before picking up his pace.

"Fucking hell, you're so tight," Ollie groans when he can feel me starting to relax around him, allowing him to pick up the pace.

"Ollie," I moan loudly when I can feel my orgasm start to build in the pit of my stomach again.

“Fucking you so good you I can see myself in your tummy,” Ollie groans making me trail my eyes down slightly noticing instantly the bulge that keeps showing back up every time Ollie pushes in all the way.

"Oh Ollie," I gasp in a stunned manner not expecting it to be so noticeable.

"So tight for me," Ollie mumbles while slowly starting to push down on the bulge so I can feel it more.

"Oh fuck," I scream when I start cumming all over Ollie's cock. All the pleasure was far too overwhelming around me I don't realize that OIllie's thrusts have stopped until I feel his cock pulsing deep in my pussy before he starts unleashing rope after rope of his cum.

"Fuck Ollie," I gasp out of breath as he slowly starts slipping out of me making me feel his cum leak from my gaping pussy.

"Fuck," Ollie groans while slowly climbing out of bed and grabbing a discarded shirt on the floor to wipe me down quickly before climbing back into bed and pulling me into his chest.

"Fuck, I could do that the rest of my life," I joke softly making Ollie laugh lightly with me but still nodding his head in agreeance.

[nightscarab]

haikyu!! headcanons - seijoh main four

slight suggestive themes in matsukawa's

iwaizumi hajime

100% without a doubt, works out to relieve stress. it's an escape from his problems (oikawa) and helps him take out his anger in a healthy way.

his favorite color is definitely red. i don't know why he just seems like a red guy.

literally gets SO pouty when he's surprised with something. it could be a gift or a party and he'll get so pouty. he's so emotional i love him

he loves LOVES when you grab his bicep. it makes him feel so strong and manly and proud it's so cute his face lights up.

contrary to popular opinion, he LOVES physical touch, but only with specific people. he just loves feeling loved.

whatever you cook for him, he'll DEVOUR it. he'll literally eat it up he loves food especially if you're the one who made it.

oikawa tooru

he has major separation anxiety. when he's in argentina you know damn well he's spamming the group chat with messages and calls.

his friends mean everything to him. he'd abandon volleyball for them anyday. he'd never admit it though...

a horrible, terrible liar. cannot lie to save his life, he'll start laughing or smiling. his voice cracks if he tries to drag it on too long.

when he falls in love, he's in LOVE. the gc is spammed with messages about how much he loves his gf and pictures of her followed by long ass paragraphs.

if he ever catches you in his jersey, oh honey... you're never gonna hear the end of it. he'll do a whole photoshoot of you in it, it doesn't matter if you just woke up. he thinks you look stunning and now it's his lockscreen wallpaper.

the SASSIEST man alive. he'll give you so much attitude if he's pissed off. you gotta sit his ass down and tell him to cut it out cause it gets BAD.

matsukawa issei

i don't see him as a smoker honestly. however...he is a big drinker. beer, whiskey, rum and coke, you name it, he'll have it.

super handsy. can't keep him hands off you, he needs to be touching you at all times. whether it be a hand on your hip, waist, thigh, head, or an arm around your shoulder, he's always touching you.

working in a funeral home, he sees a lot of grieving families yk.. he has nightmares that one day he'll be the one grieving you. please hold him tight at night!!

king of midnight snack runs! it's 4am and you're hungry? no problem! let's do a cvs run. oh you want taco bell? it closes soon better hurry!

has the LONGEST eyelashes you've ever seen. it's not even funny how are they so long. he looks great with mascara, he'll even beg you to put it on him so he can show off to oikawa. (he does, in fact, get jealous)

jams out with hanamaki to 2000's white girl songs. i'm talking christina aguilera, britney spears, natasha bedingfield, etc. it's their favorite way to mess with hajime. (he secretly loves it though)

hanamaki takahiro

matsukawa might not be a smoker, but hanamaki totally is. he doesn't smoke often, but when he does he comes back higher than a kite. he only smokes to relieve stress.

our dear boy is unemployed, but he still tries to spoil you as much as he can. you want that swimsuit? you'd look so hot babe of course he's buying it for you.

not a very touchy person, but he tries to make it up to you by spending time with you. he'll stand by you in the kitchen while you're whipping up some coffee for yourself. he sees you on the couch? now you guys are watching a movie together. he just loves being with you.

late night drives with takahiro are to die for. you've never had this much fun in your life. the city lights and the music blasting from the radio lifts you to a high you've never felt before.

uses hot cocoa flavored chapstick. he stocks up during the winter since it's a seasonal flavor (which he thinks is super annoying) but you complimented him on it once and now it's the only one he uses.

on twitter nearly 24/7. he posts his every thought and somehow they go viral. he prides himself on that and comes to you every time his tweet blows up. "look babe! my tweet hit 100k retweets."

[sojumamii]

˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧always a brat ˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧

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summary: no matter how hard he tries,megumi is always gonna be a spoiled brat that hates to share, especially when it's you he's sharing.

tags: megumi x fem/afab! reader, childhood friends to lovers, slight slight angst mostly cute fluff, flustered pining megumi, jealousy (cute), dad gojo, nanami is so cool (derogatory) this is me wanting cute megumi content bc i miss him too much. Honestly I gave a huge backstory about you and megumi's childhood LMAO enjoy

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It wasn't so long ago that a neurotic white haired lanky man showed up at your doorstep, alongside a bored, odd-haired child to explain curses, and the art of jujutsu sorcery.Yadayada some bad people were looking for you because you have a powerful gift yadayada Gojo can help nurture your talents and keep you from being caught by those bad people because he's a big strong guy who supposedly ruined the world (idk the freak kept yapping for so long) yadayada you may or may not die but you'll be helping people, and not have to be around mean family members who think you're weird for seeing scary monsters they don't believe are real. (showed them)

The whole time this child-highjacker was talking you couldn't help but stare at the young boy about your age hiding behind him, not really out of fear but of disinterest, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else.

Gojo catching on concluded his speech and gestured towards Megumi,"Ah! This little handsome punk right here is Megumi Fushiguro another cute stray i've taken under my wing! You're probably about the same age, first grader? Sooo! I'm sure you're gonna be best friends in no time!" he yelled animatedly, smile wide and mischievous.

Megumi scoffed in response, turning and walking away to a nearby car. You gasped at how so blatantly rude he was to your face, your face painted with obvious irritation. At your reaction Gojo chuckled and reached down to ruffle your (h/c) hair presenting you with a thumbs up.

"Don't mind him, I've come learn he's naturally moody, like is that kid really six years old,..but i'm sure he'll come around...I mean he really has no choice as you two will be a team from now on. Anyways! Let's get you two something to eat..y'like kikufuku?!" Shiny blue eyes peaked from round black sunglasses, you simply shrugged and walked with him to the car with your silly little backpack and your new future.

Growing up with Megumi was a slightly mixed bag, but instead of growing irritated of him, he fascinated you. Despite his more shadowy personality, you were rather fond of him right away,finding his hot temperament and need to be serious rather endearing and cute much to his open and endless dismay.

You wondered how this could be someone your age, as Megumi was much more composed than the supposed adult now taking care of you. He was indifferent to both you and Gojo, only ever interacting with his elder step-sister Tsumiki, who urged him to be kinder and more approachable especially since you two were in the same predicament. Megumi would scoff and tell her to leave him alone and that he didn't wanna make friends just because they're stuck together. You never took offense but it would annoy you that you had the decency to be kind but he wasn't discreet with his attitude.

"Right..like I know i'm the adult but it's kind shooting down my pride that this kid doesn't like me yet, i'm not above bribes..." Gojo had whispered to you after you secretly inquired about the other child, having a difficult time adjusting to your new living situation, the young boy's attitude towards you was not welcoming and though you did your best to leave him alone, you would still extend an arm out as gently as possible. Although, you were also not above checking Megumi's attitude which would result in some major clashes that would make Gojo fret over household repairs.

After walking you guys home from school Gojo would figure out what to feed you before training and homework, allowing you to snack as he stressfully lamented over what to feed the three of you. You're all seated at the table with your homework laid out, peckish from a long day of being an elementary aged child. Tsumiki sat primly in her chair sipping on a pink carton of strawberry milk, a staple in the gojo-fushiguro-(l/n) household. Excitedly you ask her if there were anymore boxes of the heavily worshipped beverages left.

She nodded sweetly, soft brown locks swaying,"Yeah (y/n) there's one more left with your name on it!"

You beam happily out of your seat, ready to grab your treat and announce to your guardian that more strawberry milk was to be added to the grocery list. Until...

.

.

You fall face first onto the firmness of the tatami mat and hear the rapid stomping of feet fleeing to the cabinet where your sacred treasure lay. Furious you look up at Megumi who was now indifferently drinking the last carton, that you had so openly claimed, a claim that was co-signed and notarized by Tsumiki. The absolute audacity of this bratty spoiled motherfu-

"Meg-" Tsumiki began to scold right before you exploded.

"You bitch!" you shrieked, you hear Tsumiki gasp at your profanity, but your anger was at boiling point with this broom haired kid. Megumi retained his look of indifference which furthered enraged you. Megumi expected you to get mad and yell at him but what he didn't expect was-

"OOF!" Megumi fell backwards roughly on the floor, as you tackled him, strawberry milk carton flying out of his hand, destination unknown. You're on him pulling as harshly as your tiny fists allow on his hair, he yells pushing you back but you're relentless!

"Calm down what's your deal you freak it's just strawberry milk!"

"You tripped me to get it you selfish brat! Even though you knew i wanted it!"

"You obviously didn't want it that bad! Should've been more alert!" he successfully gets you off of him, shoving you to the living room.

"Guys please!" You both ignore Tsumiki

"Ugh! You're such a whiny little bitch!" You lunge at him again with your fist ready,unbeknownst to you there's glowing flames of energy coursing through it,he narrowly evades it by moving his head. Making impact with the sofa, it splits in half, wooden floor below absolutely destroyed.

Megumi grunts in anger, his fist glowing as well ready to make impact with you, quickly you push him off and he blows a hole through the television and the wall behind it. Stubbornly you both make way to each other with powered filled fist ready to collide.

"ENOUGH! What's the matter you two!" Gojo catches both of your fists,pulling you two off the floor, holding the both of you in each hand, he angrily looks back and forth between you and the destroyed living room. "How did this happen! Why are you two trying rip each others' heads off and why is the living room a-oh?"

A lightbulb flickers over him," Well I'll be damned! You two finally managed to produce cursed energy,how exciting!" The older man hugs you both tightly, crushing your lungs.

"Too bad it took you guys trying to kill each other...which reminds me we need to have a little lesson on teamwork, and household construction you absolute demon children!" He gives a preview of your 3 hour long lecture by throwing you two into the hole you just punched in the floor.

.

.

.

After that incident you understood how someone so deceptively calm like Megumi was to be a sorcerer, he was crazy, a an absolute psycho you'd say. Gojo's words from a previous time replay in your mind:

"You have to be a little crazy to handle being jujutsu sorcerer."

Through a lot of exposure therapy, Megumi eventually got used to your presence, and actually began to enjoy it, seeking it even. Once you were both a little older and still around each other, he figured he may as well get along with you. It's not that he didn't like you (anymore) or found you annoying (anymore) he realized he was just used to Tsumiki, and didn't care for any more than that and was surprising to himself very combative to any sort of change. But he was making the effort to fix that immature side of him and be more receptive and open to you and gojo.

Despite that, the more missions you two shadowed, the longer you lived together and went to school, the closer you became and the tighter your bond felt. You became an inseparable pair, hanging out outside of sorcery and schooling, in your rooms, sharing hobbies and tastes in music, constant laughter and smiles were consistently heard and shared between you two. Witnessed fondly by Tsumiki and Gojo who had their own little gossip circle over mochi and tea. Strawberry milk was no longer allowed in the household.

This unshakable bond was like concrete, no matter the circumstances, no matter how terrifying going out on missions became and the atrocities you experienced, you guys relied on each other, minds and hearts in perfect synergy the older you became. Getting to your first year of jujutsu tech was something you both couldn't believe finally came around, now almost 10 years later, and your relationship was still thriving! Yuji and Nobara blending in perfectly to your small shared circle!

But now one person has began to shake that bond and making Megumi's possessive bratty habits rear their ugly head.

It's making Megumi regret coming to this stupid sorcerer school with the stupid handsome suit wearing ex-salarymen sorcerers who have stupid sorcery knowledge and wisdom. Who are stupidly caring and kind with cute quirks like loving bread, fuckin loser (yet megumi hates red bell pepper)

This thought process was pissing him off, and so was the existence of a specific grade 1 sorcerer.

"Nanami is so strong! His ratio technique is so cool!"

"Nanami is helping me with my precision and aim! He's so kind!"

"Nanami is such a gentleman, he tucked me to sleep in the car on the way home from a mission! A sweet handsome guy like him must have no problem getting da-"

"Alright! I get it Nanami is so great and awesome! You know it's a little inappropriate to have a crush on your superiors!" Megumi grumbles as he slams his hand on the table,eyebrows raised at you. What's so great about a guy who wears a suit to exorcise curses? fuckin weirdo

Your eyes widen as a flush takes over your cheeks, "Gumi don't be mean! I don't have a crush on Nanami, I'm just saying how kind he is and how much i've learned from him!" your lips form a pout.

"Really? Then why is your face red? Why are your eyes sparkling when you talk about him?What's the point in calling him handsome if you're not crushing on him! You sound like a love sick school girl!" He bites back.

You raise your brows and cross your arms,"You know your bratty attitude wasn't cute when we were kids and it's definitely not cute now! So what if I admire my mentor or compliment his looks! Yuji's complimented my looks and I don't see you calling him a love sick school girl!"

Internally he's kicking himself, he doesn't understand why hearing about Nanami from you is making him react this way. It feels like someone else is piloting his brain right now (or maybe his six year old self) especially when he utters his next words,"Maybe you should start hanging out with Nanami since he's so cool and special!"

"'You like me or something huh? Can't stand me looking at someone else!"You stand up, fists on the table, you lean your body over to Megumi's side of the table, face to face your (e/c) eyes give him a heated glare.

Now it's Megumi's turn to flush red, breaking his neck to look away from your intimidatingly beautiful eyes, his heart snaps.

"Are you jealous Gumi? Is that it? You want me to look at you only?" You inch closer, calling him out on his bluff.

'WHAT! Oh god.. no no no, awe shit...god damn it what am I thinking, beautiful eyes? I mean she does have beautiful eyes, and she's beauti- oh my god? She asked if I like her? I think that's what this is...heart pumping? Am I jealous of Nanami? Idiot. Why did I have to run my mouth like that? Since when do I lose my cool this bad nowadays?!" Megumi's thoughts race 100 miles per hour, body running hot from the interrogation.

"J-Jel-Jealous? What the hell would I have to be jealous of Nanami for!" His delicately pretty face twisted in confusion and irritation.

"I don't know gumi, how about you enlighten me" You smirk, cornering him like he's a feral possum, he's not getting out of this one unscathed.

He never really got into the specifics of his feelings for you, of course he liked you, or else he wouldn't stick around. You guys were so close it was honestly concerning to others and himself, you were his most treasured person (sacred one would say) He has been through major life experiences, and struggles with you, you grew up together. You had a domestic routine, a result of living together for years, even in the same house you guys slept in each other's rooms (and still do even though the dorms prohibit it) watched tv together, read together, cooked for each other, studied...went on outings... had matching rings ... matching sweaters.. and oh god is he already dating you?

That's not all, his shikigami adored you, you were there when he summoned his first ones, the divine dogs that he appropriately named shiro and kuro, and boy you were so excited to see them, the dogs took an instant liking to your adoration, and eventually you bonded with them they look out for you on missions. As a child that cemented for Megumi that you were someone he held dear and was 100% certain you had truly kind and pure heart if his shikigami were so trusting of you.

Same thing happened with his other shikigami; Nue would nuzzle into you despite his ever growing body whether it was after a successful mission or as soon as it was summoned for training, excited rust colored wings and a happy screech flocked your way. Gama and rabbit escape jumping on your shoulders in greeting or to rest.

When he lost Shiro and Orochi, you made him a pretty silver charm necklace with a snake and pretty white wolf, letting him mourn his fallen companions in the comfort of his bed as he sobbed heart wrenchingly in your arms and expressed his deep appreciation that you allowed him have something of them to carry with him

That memory is specifically one he holds so dearly, he remembers how much you reassured him that it was okay to mourn his shikigami and Yuji and that it wasn't his fault they died, and that this situation shouldn't make him jaded in making bonds with others; reality was that you guys were all still so young so to see one of you die was heartbreaking no matter how normal it was in your world.

looking back he feels that's when he began realizing his feelings ran deeper than initially imagined. It was instinct for him to protect you, comfort you and even just care for you in any way possible. Always making sure you were fed and hydrated, well rested, not overstrained, comforting you when missions you went on without him went awry, carrying you to bed when you fell asleep in the common room at the dormitory, or in the car on the way home.

If it was cold he made sure you had a sweater on before just in case or disregard his coldness by taking off his sweater and tenderly putting it on you (whilst grumbling and nagging for you to bring one, though Megumi would never admit so brazenly he loved seeing you in his clothes, that's his secret to keep.)

From across the way, Yuji and Nobara watch the spectacle going on at your table, it was very rare for you and Megumi to fight, you guys bickered for sure, you all did, but Megumi never lost his cool with you in those instances like he did with them. Usually if you fought it was over very serious things, like injuries on missions, mahoraga... the drawbacks of your technique on your body.. but never a serious argument on something so...stupid? Plus it wasn't in either of your introverted natures to display such a spectacle.

"What are those two screaming at each other about? I could've sworn I heard Fushiguro saying Nanamin's name a few times?" Yuji glances back at Nobara, his brown eyes curious as to what his favorite mentor had to do with your squabble, he takes a handful of fries while Nobara looks directly at her phone to take a photo, oblivious to her lack of fries.

"I'm thinking Fushiguro is jealous that his sweet little (y/n) has her eyes on someone else for once, but for him to throw a tantrum over a harmless crush on a mentor is a level of pathetic I never expected him to be on." Kugisaki stifles her laughter, brushing her auburn hair back, not so subtly eavesdropping on the argument.(not like she could help it, she's nosy plus you guys are hard to ignore right now)

"I could see why someone would for fall for Nanamin! He's a really a gentleman! Strong too! I'd feel threatened too if I was him. But doesn't he know (y/n) really likes him? They're super close like that" The pink haired boy states like it's a simple answer as any. Nobara rolls her eyes, annoyed at the men in her class.

"Fushiguro is emotionally constipated, he may not really understand that he has feelings for her because they've always been close, but because (y/n) is girl she's smarter and knows better! She's trying to get it out of him, twenty bucks says she gets him to confess by the end of today?" Nobara sticks her hand out to Yuji, he smiles a look for determination on his face as he shakes her hand.

"You're on! Twenty bucks says she gets him to confess here and now!" They both nod to seal their deal.

"What are you guys betting on?" A voice in their booth asks. The students squeak as Gojo makes his presence known, his face inquisitive and sly.

"That (y/n) is gonna get Fushiguro to confess his feelings! It's bound to happen!" Itadori explains.

Gojo sniffles at the response, sighing dramatically while putting a hand over his heart,collapsing wordlessly into the booth end face planting on the table, Yuji softly pats his teachers back for comfort,while Kugisaki rolls her eyes at the ridiculous scenes in front of her, she turns back to your table and gasps, phone falling out of her grip.

Gojo and Yuji immediately look up, jaws dropping in shock at the scene in front of them.

Megumi and you were standing away from your table,his hand on your waist, the other holding the side of your face as both your lips were gently pressed together, you on your tippy toes and arms around his neck. They witness the gentleness of the moment, both your eyes full of fondness,and affection as your lips separate. A pretty blush overtakes the atmosphere.

"Oh my babies! They're growing up too fast! One day they're destroying the house and trying to kill each other over strawberry milk then before you know it they're getting married!" Gojo babbles through escalating sobs, accepting the tissues Yuji's offered him and cries into said student's shoulders.

Nobara and Yuji share a questioning look on the qualifications of gojo being a parent and the nature of your childhood, Yuji comforts his sensei again,"Fushiguro and (y/n) are always gonna be your babies gojo! Honestly I'm j-just s-so I'm so proud of Fushiguro being so honest about his feeheeeliiiings" the pinked haired boy chokes through tears, wiping his runny nose on his uniform

Kugisaki looks at the two emotional men in disgust, opting to watch the romantic soap opera in front of her as a live studio audience member, smiling softly to herself, as though she wouldn't be as foolish as her sensei and friend to openly admit it, she was full of pride for you too! You'd been pining over Megumi for forever even though you weren't aware of it and you always described how you used to feel lonely until you met him and no matter what you guys go through you're always there-

"Those two are finally together I can't believe it!! I'm so happy!" the hazel eyed girl joins the huddle of Yuji and Gojo, tears flowing out her eyes. All of this goes ignored and unbeknownst to you and Megumi.

You smile brightly at the black haired boy, playing with the hairs behind his neck,"See Gumi, was that so hard to admit?" You tease him, he grunts, eyes squeezed shut in embarrassed annoyance.

He softly flicks your forehead, an old habit from middle school," Shut up... I didn't really know that's what that was...but now that you're mine, that means no more Nanami talk right? Or anyone that's not me for that matter.." pretty red flush stains his fair skin.

You giggle and kiss his cheek,"Hmmm I don't know Okkutsu is a reaaaaal cutie.." you pretend to ponder tilting your head in thought.

Megumi groans and kisses you again, more confident and stern,"You're an absolute pain."

"Don't worry Gumi you're my only and favorite one. I've always been yours silly." You wink, a pink blush dusting the both of you again. Megumi presses a chaste kiss, holding your hand and grabbing both your bags to get ready to leave for training after your longer than intended lunch, you're interrupted by a deep,polite voice.

"(y/l/n),Fushiguro, my apologies for bothering you both, I just wanted to quickly speak to Miss (y/l/n), here this is research I found on techniques similar to your own and information about its users.. I hope the information is helpful to you in your journey as a sorcerer." Nanami hands you a few books with various note tabs sticking out of them. You stare at it wide eyed, stunned and excited to learn more about your technique... and how much time and effort it took a busy man like Nanami to do...Seriously, what a gentleman...

You bow in appreciation,blush reappearing, "Thank you Nanami, I'm sure this will be very insightful!" the man smiles back and nods,"Of course, be sure to let me know what else you may want to know.That being said I've taken enough of your guys' time, goodbye for now."

Megumi scoffs, irritation palpable at his senior,"Tch. Whatever womanizer."He tugs at your hand and drags you away quickly to the exit and as far away from the dashing gentleman of a sorcerer. Damn...he's good.

As you're walking you smack his shoulder in reprimand,"gumi that was rude! you're always gonna be brat who does whatever he wants!" you're scolding him but it's in between giggles and the most loving soft gaze he's used to seeing in your eyes, now that he knows what it is, it makes him shy. He kisses your face as a distraction to your lecture (fat chance.)

And what could Megumi say, you make him crazy, he's always gonna put his foot down for what's his. He silently kisses the back of your hand like a guilty puppy.

he'll apologize to nanami soon

.

.

.

Taken aback Nanami blinks in confusion,"Womanizer?" he repeats. Megumi's vengeful words replay in his mind, unable to figure out an explanation.

He looks back at Itadori's table when the sound of rambunctious laughter invades the dining hall, confused hazel eyes hidden behind his opaque lenses.

"Why are you laughing?"

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘∘₊✧──────✧∘₊

I hope you guys liked my first work on here!! This was written on a whim with no specific outline (explains the inconsequential lore dump as this is one shot or who knows!!) hope you guys love jealous and bratty Megumi. As calm and collected as he is I imagine when hes in love so many emotions come up he doesn't know how to define them or properly communicate them so he says the first thing his brain tells him even when he himself knows rationally its crazy to say or think.

[snakesafraidtodie]

Mediocre Reveal AU

So usually we see the Fentons in fic after finding out their son is Phantom, either being totally loving and supportive or horrendously hateful and destructive. But what if they were just... not great?

Like they try, right? But they still say bigoted and ignorant stuff. There's still micro-agressions. One reveal isn't gonna change anybody's entire world view. Just because they're not attacking Danny doesn't mean they're comfortable with it, accommodating or accepting of other ghosts.

"Those damn ghost scum!"

"I'm a ghost, remember?"

"Sure Dann-o, but you're different! You're not like them! You still hold onto your humanity. It's a heavy burden to bear, holding off the monster inside you, but you're doing so well and your mother and I are so proud of you!"

They could accept that he is a halfa but still dislike and discourage him from using his ghost side. Like coming out as bi to someone who thinks you should only act on your attraction to the opposite sex so that they can pretend you're straight.

It can be one of those things where you just... know your relatives have problematic views so in order to maintain the peace you just don't talk about it. I think it's pretty normal to have certain topics you avoid with certain people. Or try. There's always those family gatherings where you know you'll just have to grit your teeth as your uncle spews BS again.

So sure, if Danny understandably doesn't want to talk about ghosts with his parents once he's an adult, they can have a two minute phone call once a month were he listens to the tiny bit of small town gossip unrelated that Maddy and Jack have deigned to pay attention to and share a bit about his mundane life in return.

It's not great, but they're still his parents and it could be worse. They could still be actively trying to End him.

I'm picturing this could be perfectly utilized in a Dead on Main fic where Danny's parents are pestering him to meet his boyfriend and he reluctantly agrees. So they all meet up for lunch and Jason notices how the Fenton's keep casually dropping these disparaging comments about ghosts and gets pissed on Danny's behalf. Jason tries to defend him, which leads to an argument, which leads to Jason declaring himself undead, which leads to the Fentons instantly becoming disapproving of their relationship.

"Danny, how could you pick such a person for a partner! It could worsen your condition!"

"Deadness isn't contagious Mom."

"Yeah lady-"

"Don't you start again, Jason! I told you not to start a fight with my parents!"

"Me? They're the ones spouting garbage! I'm just trying to educate the so called experts-"

"I'll have you know young man-!"

And the whole meeting falls apart. Jason is mad Danny won't let him defend him, Danny is mad Jason made a scene. The Fentons are mad that their son's boyfriend is a rude undead who is corrupting their boy. It's a mess. Y'know. Typical meeting the in-laws drama.

[lu-is-not-ok]

two in one theory... i am listening very intently if you ever feel up to share it!!

Alright, so this is gonna be... as close to an Abridged explanation of the theory as I can make, because if I went off on everything about it I would end up writing a whole dissertation or five hour video essay script on this shit.

There are gonna be three main sections to this post - Hong Lu's Daiyuisms, Hong Lu's Themes of Identity and how that connects to the concept of Two in One, and the Daiyu-Baoyu theory itself.

Strap in folks.

Hong Lu's Daiyuisms

If you know anything about my theories in the earlier days of Limbus, you might know that I'm one of the very few people who was convinced Hong Lu is actually Daiyu, due to some evidence I found personally compelling. This has not changed, as we've only gotten just as much extra evidence to this as we have to him being Baoyu. So let me just speedrun through some of these points.

The Fucking Jade Eye

Ok hear me out. This is maybe the least important piece of evidence but I can never stop thinking about it. Hong Lu's jade eye? Not actually fully blue! If you look closely on most of his sprites, you can see that he actually has sectoral heterochromia, meaning his jade eye is both blue and black.

Daiyu's name, quite literally, translates to blue-black jade.

Now, you could claim that this is merely meant to be an easter egg reference to her, but... is that really Project Moon's style? After all, when people speculated on Don Quixote being Sancho or a Bloodfiend partially based on her appearance all the way back since near launch, they turned out to be right.

Hong Lu's Father

As of now, there is only one instance of Hong Lu referencing his Father in Limbus, and it's a voiceline from his Base Identity:

Now, if you know anything about DOTRC, this should already be raising some flags, because if Hong Lu was just Baoyu, he would not fucking talk like that about his Father.

In the book, Baoyu is consistently shown to be afraid of his Father, for a good reason mind you, as he's his main abuser. Baoyu would not be looking forward to introducing his friends to that man.

Even if Hong Lu was trying to downplay the abuse he's recieved, this would still not fit his pattern of behavior. When topics that genuinely bother Hong Lu come up, such as what could make him distort or how rich people would enjoy gifts made of humans, he immediately pivots and tries to avoid the topic at all cost. He would not bring up his main abuser in such a lighthearted manner, he would avoid bringing him up at all cost.

However, there is a character in DOTRC which does in fact have a more positive relationship to her Father, and would likely be the one with an opinion such as that - Daiyu. Daiyu loves her Father, and when he dies she completely disappears from the story for a bit to attend his funeral. If there was anyone who would be excited to introduce their friends to their Father, it'd be Daiyu.

Lasso Hong Lu's Corrosion

I made a whole seperate post about this, but I might as well mention it here as well for the sake of completion. The design choices made for Hong Lu which are missing for Faust are very, very Daiyu-coded.

For one, not only does Hong Lu completely turn into a flower, unlike Faust, his horse also gains a flower in its mouth. For those whose knowledge of DOTRC is zero to none, Daiyu is a reincarnation of a Flower given sentience due to being watered by the Jade. I don't think I have to be the one to connect the dots between those two pieces of info for you.

The second is how the halters become a noose for Hong Lu. This, too, is a very Daiyu thing - Rose Hunter as an Abnormality represents the inability to escape one's fate, and Daiyu's fate is to die - the Jia Family arranging a marriage between Baoyu and Baochai leads to Daiyu falling deathly ill, which in itself could be considered a part of her repaying her Debt of Tears - the debt she swore to repay to the Jade/Baoyu when she was still a Flower.

The hilarity of the fact that this E.G.O came out in the same update as Hong Lu being called Baoyu in-story is not lost on me.

Rose Sign Abnormality Log

The third Log for Rose Sign ends in a very peculiar way.

There's multiple ways one can tie Hong Lu's odd reluctance to talk about flowers and the petals. One is the obvious "he's being reminded of Daiyu because she was a Flower" connection, but there's another one.

One of the most commonly potrayed images of Daiyu relates to a scene in DOTRC where she buries fallen flower petals, weeping for and lamenting the mortality of the flowers and herself. Hong Lu's reaction here to his fellow Sinners being reduced to nothing but petals upon Rose Sign's death feels like a notable parallel to Daiyu's flower burial scene.

Like literally everything about Kurokumo Hong Lu

The title for this is a bit of an exaggeration, but at the same time. I'm serious. Kurokumo Hong Lu is perhaps the most Daiyu Identity out of all the Hong Lu Identities we have, and the way he is designed to stand out among them further makes me go insane.

Kurokumo Hong Lu's most defining trait is his attitude - he often complains about his position and how authority treats him, though he doesn't really act out against them in any major way outside of making snarky or sarcastic remarks.

This is, frankly, an extremely Daiyu thing to do. Daiyu is one of the few characters who audibly complains about her treatment in the household. For example she complains about not being given as many opportunities to show off her poetry skills as her male peers are, and she recognises how, when all the girls in the family are given flowers, she's the last one to recieve them and thus is stripped of the ability to pick, being only given the leftovers.

Then there's the whole. Everything about Kurokumo Hong Lu's visual design. Because once you realize just how Daiyu-like the Identity is, you realize just how weird he is compared to other Hong Lu Identities. I mean just look how he compares to his other Identities.

He's the only Hong Lu Identity with a blue tint to his hair in the combat sprite rather than the usual purple.

He's the only Hong Lu Identity whose hairtie is a ribbon rather than a jade ring (Liu Hong Lu technically has the ribbon in his post-uptie art, but he doesn't have it in his combat sprite so I'm not counting him).

He's the only Hong Lu Identity to not be smiling in his combat sprites.

And he's the only Hong Lu Identity (and one of only four Identities in the game) whose Idle sprite has its body facing away from the opponent rather than facing towards them.

All of those combine to make him stand out like a sore thumb in a Hong Lu Identity lineup in a way that makes it feel intentional, especially since he's also the only Hong Lu Identity with that kind of notable attitude towards authority. Other Hong Lu Identities are either obedient, don't express any opinion, or just straight up are the authority.

The Baoyu reveal is framed in a very weird way

This is, admittedly, less of a Daiyuism and more of a not-Baoyuism, but I thought it'd be important to mention nonetheless.

There are a lot of things about Canto 7's reveal of Hong Lu's name being Baoyu that are very strange, especially compared to how the Canto frames Don Quixote's own reveal of actually being Sancho.

For one, the timing itself - why is such an important piece of info being revealed so early? Again, compare to Donqui - she was revealed to be a Bloodfiend in the Intervallo right before Canto 7, and the Sancho reveal only came in the second half of the Canto.

For two, the framing - Donqui's reveals are treated as what they are, Major Reveals. The Baoyu reveal on the other hand happens in a single off-handed line, with nobody reacting to it in any way. Neither Hong Lu nor the other Sinners seem to hear it after all.

And mind you, it's not like Limbus is opposed to giving us important information in off-handed lines - far from it in fact. Project Moon loves shoving little bits of foreshadowing and reveals you don't realize are reveals until way later in these kinds of off-handed lines. But the way those lines are treated is still very different to how the Baoyu reveal is treated.

Usually, when there's foreshadowing in off-handed lines, it's usually either vague enough to be something a character could say regardless of context (see Yi Sang getting hung up on the Sedatives bit in Canto 2 or Ishmael's comment about Syndicates pretending to be Families foreshadowing her own history with the Middle via Queequeg) or something that is in the middle of a scene that distracts from what is actually being said (like Hong Lu's distortion foreshadowing being in the middle of an important infodump or most of everything in Canto 2 being surrounded by a comedic tone).

None of this is present for the Baoyu reveal. There's nothing to distract you from this information, as the scene is already focused on discussing Hong Lu, meaning you're already likely to be paying attention to what is being said about him. There's also no vagueness about it, there's no way you can brush it off since not only are Wei and Xichun newly introduced characters, but it's a whole ass clearcut namedrop.

The only way I can justify that reveal being there in the form it takes is that it in itself is the distraction. Think about it. Didn't I point it out earlier that this reveal came in the same update as the E.G.O with an extremely Daiyu-coded corrosion design? Wouldn't it make sense for that reveal to be there to lower your guard, make you think you resolved that mystery, only to later on reveal it wasn't the whole story after all?

Hong Lu's Themes of Identity

So this section is a bit more vague than the Daiyuism section, because Hong Lu is the type of guy to just Say Shit all the time. It's basically just. Anything that I find relevant to the idea of Hong Lu's Identity being more complex than him just being a random guy using a pseudonym, with some (but maybe not all) of them directly tying to the idea of Two in One.

"Which one is the real you?"

There are currently two seperate scenes where Hong Lu muses on the idea of someone's identity being in some way vague or obscured.

Is Dante the person or the clock? Is the dreamer the one in the dream or the one who wakes from it? Which you is the real you? Does it even matter if that you will flutter away in the end?

This idea of there being one true self. That even if there are two, there is only one of them that is actually you. Curious, right?

Face-changing dance

During the Canto 2 scene where everyone gives their reasons for whether or not they'd be a good pick for being the one to dance, Hong Lu says this.

Bian lian is a kind of dance literally translated as "face-changing". It involves rapid changes between various masks and make-up to represent different emotions or characters.

Now, it's no secret that Hong Lu is a great actor, as we see in Canto 4, and Canto 7 shows how the comparison to theatre and actors can be used to symbolize one's performance of identity, as it does for Sancho and her Don Quixote persona.

Mind you, this reveal comes in the same scene as Sinclair's dance invoking the image of a bonfire burning all through the night according to the Mariachis, a clear foreshadowing to Canto 3 and the Literal burning down of Sinclair's home.

Hong Lu knowing bian lian could be further foreshadowing to his own skills in deception, and how he too is a sort of actor, not unlike Don Quixote. On the other hand however, it could also be a more literal foreshadowing, that he (Baoyu) Quite Literally changed his face. We won't know until Canto 8, but it is an option you know.

The HamHamPangPang dish(es)

For those who don't know, here is a list of the Sinner-themed dishes that were available at HamHamPangPang.

Now, chances are, not all of them have deep meanings. I don't think there's much of a deep meaning to Heathcliff and Ishmael's dishes, I think PJM just legit don't know much about British/American cuisine so they just picked something recogniseable.

However, not all of them are meaningless picks either. Ryoshu, likely a mother, has a meal literally called "parent-and-child donburi". Don Quixote, a Bloodfiend, has a garlic-based dish. These were clearly done on purpose.

So, what does it say that Hong Lu's dish is actually two different dishes? That he's the only one whose dish is two different dishes? And it's not like the two are in some way inherently connected, since they're of completely different cuisines. Japchae is a Korean dish, not Chinese like the Mandarin rolls.

And just in case you weren't convinced that Hong Lu's choice of dishes is purposeful - another name for Mandarin rolls is flower buns, and one of the special occasions japchae is commonly served for is weddings. If you had read through the Daiyuisms section and somehow have no idea what the significance of that is, I don't know what to tell you.

The Daiyu-Baoyu Theory (finally)

So. I gave some evidence for why I think Hong Lu could still be Daiyu despite being revealed as Baoyu. I gave some evidence for why I think Hong Lu could be a Two in One deal, or that at the very least there's something more complex going on with his identity. But let's discuss the theory itself, how it would recontextualize certain things, and why I think it's an extremely fitting an thematically resonant direction for Hong Lu's Canto to go in.

The Theory

Here's what I speculate is going on.

Daiyu, just like in DOTRC, is someone who was taken in into the Jia Household rather than born in it, and who strongly connected with Baoyu upon meeting him. The two would end up forming a bond strong enough that they would be willing to die for one another (or, if they're in particularly argumentative moods, to kill themselves just to force the other to have to live a long life grieving over them - this is an actual argument they have in DOTRC and I pray to god this is adapted into Limbus because it's too fucking funny).

At some point, Baoyu either dies or is brought to near death, likely through the same circumstances as in DOTRC - being beaten by his Father. To save him, his memories and consciousness would be transferred to his eye, a process not dissimilar to the one Xichun brings up in Canto 7, and implanted into Daiyu's body, causing them to become a vessel for Baoyu. This would be how Hong Lu as he is now is created.

All of the above is the main basis for this theory. Everything else that I might speculate about, such as the exact nature of the two's relationship, Daiyu's more exact background and personality, how their pre-reincarnation lives could be adapted - all of those are things that are purely speculative and ones that I don't really expect to be actually fulfilled. The only bits that I am sure are likely to be true is what I laid out above.

So... what does it all mean for the future? I'm glad you asked!

The Recontextualization

Here's a collection of just a couple of things that Hong Lu has said or is depicted as that would be heavily recontextualized if this theory ends up being true.

Hong Lu surviving despite claiming he didn't fight back when his siblings first tried to kill him: With the context that he used to be two seperate people, the answer to how he survived is made very simple. Baoyu is the one who wasn't fighting back. Daiyu, however, could have still protected him in turn.

The red ribbon on Hong Lu's weapon: There is only one other Sinner who has a similar decoration on their weapon - Ryoshu, who also has a red ribbon on her sword, which could be easily connected to Yuzuki and her death. With the context of Hong Lu being Baoyu occupying Daiyu's body and thus effectively rendering their self non-existent, the red ribbon could be a parallel symbol - a symbol of Daiyu and their 'death'.

How Hong Lu treats his weapon in his base E.G.O: The way Hong Lu holds his weapon in the illustration is more like he's cradling another person. This could be a representation of how he feels about Daiyu's situation. Likewise, in the attack animation, he's not really attacking with the weapon itself, is he? He's simply using it to direct a ribbon (which in itself is missing in the illustration), the part that is actually the attack. If the weapon in the base E.G.O represents Daiyu, this could be a parallel to how Baoyu feels like he's merely directing Daiyu's body to attack, rather than being the one actually attacking.

The duality of Hong Lu IDs: There is a notable pattern among Hong Lu IDs, and that is the focus on his attitude to violence. When he's in a situation where he's obedient towards his Family, he's either uninterested in violence, bored of it, or otherwise given no other choice but to use it as a reprieve from boredom. However, when he's in a situation where he's disconnected from his Family or otherwise questioning the status quo, he's shown to not only be much more aggressive and violent, but to outright enjoy it. With the context of Hong Lu being composed of two people, this duality could represent each of his components - the obedient and violence-averse being more Baoyu-like, while the questioning and violence-favoring being more Daiyu-like.

So, there's a bunch of stuff that would be given new meaning under the premise of this theory being true. But now, what about the future? What would this theory mean for the themes and ending of Canto 8?

The Resolution

I believe this is how the Daiyu-Baoyu theory will affect Canto 8.

At some point, whether before or during the Canto, it will be revealed that Hong Lu is both Daiyu and Baoyu. There will be an attempt to seperate the two, perhaps to implant Baoyu into a more fitting, more Jia Family-approved Vessel. Perhaps because the 'arranged marriage' from DOTRC could be adapted into something more... let's say Fear and Hunger kind of marriage rather than traditional marriage.

This will leave Hong Lu to be returned to their state as Daiyu, who will be revealed to be a very different person to what the Sinners knew Hong Lu as. There is a non-zero chance that Daiyu will be unable to hear Dante or be revived by them due to the one who signed the contract being Baoyu, and so they could end up acting as an uncontrollable ally unit not unlike Xichun in Canto 7.

The climax would then be Daiyu and Baoyu reuniting and being unwilling to part with each other again, even for the sake of returning to being the fake persona that is Hong Lu, leading to a potential duo boss fight/distortion boss fight/duo distortion boss fight.

The ending would be the two of them deciding to embrace their new identity as Hong Lu and truly becoming one, discarding their pasts and the selves that had been forced on them by the Jia Family. This ending would have a twofold meaning regarding how it connects to the DOTRC adaptation.

One - it would be a direct parallel to the ending of DOTRC where Baoyu leaves to become a monk. By becoming Hong Lu and discaring his previous identities, he'd be leaving behind the earthly attachments inherent to being Baoyu and Daiyu and become spiritually whole.

Two - it would be a reflection of the major theme of DOTRC, that being "Truth becomes fiction when the fiction's true. Real becomes not-real when the unreal's real." Hong Lu, as a person, is a 'fake' persona used by the 'real' Baoyu and Daiyu. However, by discarding those two identities and deciding to just be Hong Lu, the fiction of his existence becomes the truth, while his former real selves become not real.

Conclusion?

I could honestly just keep going with this post, but I think I'm going to stop myself here before I'm forced to find out what tumblr's character limit on posts is. Believe me, I was trying to be brief, and still this post is. This fucking long.

I hope this explains why this theory has been the subject of my brainrot for the past however long, and why I feel like it's surprisingly plausible despite being as deranged as it is.

Godspeed and godbless, I have classes tomorrow and I'm spending my time on this.

[sigweiner]

⌁₊˚ Shiver ˚₊⌁ {P3}

Pairing: Jinx x Fem!/Gnc!/Reader

Word Count: 10.2k (oopsie)

Summary: You infiltrate a brothel with Jinx and Isha so the three of you can invade a home in Piltover to chill (and you + Jinx can do other hedonistic stuff).

Warnings!: fluff, smut, swearing, mild angst, t06!c relationship, substance use, mentions of dark ses and physical stuff.

a/n: This is the last part of this AU (I think) since I couldn't bother to split it in two, lol. Also English is not my first language, sorry for the mistakes, weird punctuation and sentences. Minors and creeps dni. Dividers by me.

{P1} {P2}

Jinx is spreaded out on her orange couch with her head resting on your lap while you play with her braids lazily. She’s telling you stories about her family members as the day stretches in an atypical manner, finding  both of you completely alone since Isha was staying over with Sevika so she could get some proper care as the mature woman actually had a place with functioning amenities, or as functional as it gets at Zaun. 

It came as a surprise to you when Sevika herself offered to take the kid in for a couple of days, mentioning the hideout was “no place for a child to live in”. And she wasn't exactly wrong but the three of you kind of developed some separation anxiety after you and Jinx had your altercation. Though on the bright side you now have a lot more opportunity to hang out with Jinx and, you know, get to know her better inside out (and in an assortment of different positions).

“So your sister has a girlfriend from Piltover…” You start to ask with a grimace.  “And you accidentally killed her mother, who was a councilwoman?” You finish raising an eyebrow.

“Yep, totally accidental.” She replies, playing with an unfinished gadget of hers. You know for a fact that wasn't the whole story but you understand her leaving out a few important details to protect her self image.

“I don't know if I could date a piltie, to be honest.” You say after a beat of self-reflection. “Especially if they were that high up the ranks.” You conclude.

“Yeeeah, Vi has always had a weird taste in women.” The blue haired girl says nonchalantly. “Though I have nothing to say for myself since I'm fooling around with Zaun’s royalty.” She snickers.

“You talking about me? I'm not part of this shithole’s ‘royalty’.” You protest with a scowl on your face.

“Um, yeah you are. Your mother is one of the richest people in this city, you were untouchable until she decided to throw you to the wolves and not to mention you're a total brat.” She lifts a finger with each argument as if stating the obvious. 

“Ugh, you're a brat.” You childishly talk back before flicking your fingers on her ear.

Jinx flips you over on the couch in a swift movement so she is pinning you underneath her, holding your wrists above your head on a tight grip to constrain you. “See what I mean? And so freaking annoying.” She whispers close to your mouth.

“But you like it.” You pout your lips and bat your lashes but when you try to lean in to kiss her she pulls her head back smiling wickedly.

“I don’t know, maybe I need to teach you how to behave…” She releases one of her hands to run her fingers through the side of your face and down your collarbone. You shiver at the feather-like sensation but still manage to put on your best defiant look.

“What are you gonna do? Punish me?” You laugh which seems to piss her off a bit. Jinx almost falls for your trap before her face softens and she brings your arms to wrap around her neck.

“I would never hurt you, toots.” She whispers then lowers herself to pepper your face with kisses. You chuckle but your eyes can’t help but flutter at the tenderness of the moment.

“What if I’m into it?” You ask quietly while closing your eyes to better feel her soft lips on your skin.

“Are you?” You hear her retort back and you have to think for a moment before answering.

“I guess not currently… but I can eventually… if you’re into it too.” You open your eyes to stare into her pink spinel ones. She brushes a piece of hair away from your face and kisses your lips gently.

“Let’s not rush then, yeah?” She replies after pulling back. You can only assent your consent in the face of her affability.

This turns into a 10 minute makeout session, where she has you pinned down underneath her while kissing you senseless. The blue haired girl’s new favourite pastime was getting up close and intimate with you, so you’ve noticed. She once even said that you were just too soft and warm not to touch which you find absolutely endearing. However, you are getting self conscious about where this will eventually lead since Jinx also really enjoys taking control of your bodily senses. 

After Sevika walked in on you two having make up sex, you have been sneaking away every night to get some action after Isha falls asleep but it has been in uncomfortable places and you haven’t really let her get past second base with you. But now here you are all alone with a very charming and handsy Jinx pulling all her moves on you, making your body react in the most savoury ways possible. You wish this nagging feeling in the back of your mind would go away so you can receive all the love she can give you.

“Wait!” The request slips past your burning lips. The unconscious fear tries to take over your mind so you have to ask her to stop.

“What's wrong, toots?” She lifts her head up from your neck and studies you with a concerned look on her face. Her hands are so balmy on your body you could tilt over.

“I- maybe we should… slow down?” The uncertainty in your voice shines a light on your insecurities.

“Why? You don't like it? Did I hurt you?” Jinx scans between you and her looking for evidence of wrongdoings.

“No, I… really liked what you were doing.” You smile shyly and her eyes soften.

“Then what's the matter?” She looks small and you start to regret saying anything in the first place.

“It's just that I don't think I'm ready… to go any further than this I mean.” A look of realisation emerges on her face, granted she was snuggled comfortably between your legs, her bare stomach lined up with your center. She sits up next to you to give you some space.

“Oh, okay. I wasn't really trying to do anything like that… I mean I wouldn't do anything you didn't want me to.” She tries to explain herself. Jinx hugs her middle, suddenly seeming uncharacteristically self conscious.

“I know, I know.” You tell her softly when you sit up too. “I just wanted to let you know that even though I really enjoy being this close to you, it still makes me anxious… being touched by someone else.” It's your turn to recoil onto yourself. You pull your legs to your chest and rest your cheek on one knee.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” Her eyes sadden when she looks at you.

Although nothing really bad happened to you on your last escorting job, it could have if you hadn’t been able to defend yourself properly, but the other guy was the one left pretty gravely injured, shit you’re not even sure he actually survived. Not that you care if he did but the truth is you haven’t really been able to process what happened and it’s been eating at your unconscious. Also, you're not certain if you want Jinx to know about it since she'll probably try and go after the guy. But damn, you want to trust her so badly and last time you ran away from vulnerability you almost lost everything.

“I- don't want you to worry about my stuff too, y’know?” You start saying before taking a deep breath. “But since you're asking and being so nice about it… I can try to explain why I'm so… insecure about this.” You manage to finish saying before she reaches out to touch your hand.

“Your problems are my problems, toots, there's no turning back now.” She says half jokingly then interlaces her fingers with yours.

“Heh, lucky me.” You shake your head trying to hide a bashful smile. “Fine, but you have to promise me not to go do anything reckless because of what I tell you.” Your expression changes to a warning.

“Fiiiineh.” She rolls her eyes but gives you a sideway smirk.

“Okay, well I was a um - an escort at the Rapturewalk, y’know my mother’s layer of doom and um - one day I got a job to do just that with a really rich topside dude and eerrr - I had to use self defense to set some boundaries but I guess I got carried away slightly and he might not even be alive anymore.” You manage to stammer out your story.

“He tried to hurt you?” She asks with a serious expression on her face. You chuckle, shaking your head.

“He had no chance, princess. I didn't even give him an opening. But… he might have hurt other people…” You try to reassure her and lighten up the mood but you're very much aware of how serious this was.

“I should make sure he's dead for what he tried to do with you.” She has a manic look on her face which usually was not a good sign.

“Don't bother, he already got what he deserves. I made sure of  that.” You reach out to touch her arm and she relinquishes. “He'll never hurt anyone else ever again.” You say with a dark look on your face.

“Still… If I ever bump into him sometime, it's over for him. For good.” She takes your hand and kisses it tenderly and you stroke her cheek in turn.

“My hero.” You say somewhat jokingly but deep down you believe just that.

“Yeah, yeah… well if anyone other than me ever touches you ever again I won't hesitate to pow-pow them.” She mimics a gun with her fingers, aiming at an imaginary target.

“Okaaay… let's not get carried away by unnecessary vengeance attempts, yeah? And hey, if you're a really good girl for me and behave I might even let you in my pants, what do you say?” You whisper the last part close to her face, making her huff and pull you to straddle her lap, hands moving on your thighs instantly.

“I don't know, trinket, I've never been good at behaving.” She says raking her hands up till her fingers find your hips as you cradle her face in your hands and close the gap between you. Jinx moans when you capture her bottom lip between your teeth.

“Well then… you're just gonna have to imagine what it feels like to have me tightening around your fingers.” You whisper in her ear and the poor girl can't help but whimper as she tightens her grip on you.

“Fuck, you're so mean.” She pouts and you kiss it off her lips, twirling your tongues around each other, keeping up until you both need to catch a breath. The blue haired girl starts turning her attention to your neck and you cradle the back of her head, ranking the tip of your fingers on her scalp carefully so as not to mess up her braids. Jinx downright turns to mush, burying her face on the crook of your neck.

“Oh look, an off switch.” You chuckle and she lets out a protesting whine but doesn't move. You stay like this for a bit until you hear her voice again.

“Did you like it? Escorting I mean.” She asks quietly without looking at you.

“Mostly, to be honest. But there were days I just went through it. And even though it was expected of me to do so, I found a way to enjoy it.” You answer earnestly. “Why? You thinking of changing professions?” You ask jocosely. She snorts and finally lifts her head to look at you with a dopey grin on her lips.

“Only if you're my sole client.” She winks at you before capturing your lips between hers once again.

“Uuuuugh, I'm soooo booooored!” Jinx has just walked up to where you're cleaning your blades inside her dirty tub, to slide inside it and sit opposite you with her legs dangling over the edges.

“Wanna have sex?” You ask nonchalantly. It's only the second day you two have been away from Isha and the other girl is already running out of things to entertain herself.

“Sure.” She retorts in the same tone. “But I wanted to… I don't know, blow something up or go on an adventure, see the world a little bit.” She digresses. You hum, trying to think of anything interesting you could do.

“You know what I've been dying for? A really big comfortable bed and a stupidly hot shower.” You say as you skillfully flip a knife around your fingers. Jinx’s eyes grow wide as she seemingly has an epiphany.

“Holy shit, Trinket. I think the old biddy might know someone who may have what you want.” She blurts out. “I mean, it certainly isn't the same as blowing shit up but I think it will do.” She says seemingly making a decision.

“And how would Sevika know someone like that?” You ask unamused. She waves you off and stands up to go grab her cloak.

“Be back soon. Don't you dare go anywhere, toots.” She says pointing a finger at you but before you can ask where she's going she's already out the exit.

After a couple of hours had passed, Jinx returns with a very annoyed looking Sevika  who has the kid propped on one of her shoulders. You stand up to greet them and the little girl is put down so you can run towards each other and embrace tightly. Oh how you've missed her and you tell her so; sure being alone with Jinx was definitely fun, to say the least, but without Isha something always seemed to be missing. The older woman only greets you with a nod and an unintelligible grunt, looking like she'd rather be anywhere else but here.

“We've got a job for you, Trinket.” Jinx announces putting her hands on her hips. You let go of Isha to give her a confused look.

“What are you on about now?” You ask, entirely uninterested in any kind of work.

“There's a man from Piltover who frequents Babette’s place and he has real estate knowledge, like where completely furnished and recently renovated houses lay devoid of people.” Sevika explains in a monotone as Jinx’s grin grows wider and wider.

“Yeah, and since you've got experience in that line of work, y’know at ‘fun’ houses, you're gonna get this information for us.” Jinx adds to the conversation.

“Hell no! I'm not gonna go back to that just for a home invasion.” You protest.

“You're not gonna do anything really with the guy, you just have to chat him up until you get what we need and then you can bolt.” Jinx tries to convince you.

“Well then why don't you do it?” You ask her angrily. She rolls her eyes at you, losing her patience.

“Because someone would probably recognise me and I'd definitely end up shooting the guy!” She exclaims in an aggravated way then sighs. “Look, I'm not gonna let anything happen to you. I'll be behind the walls watching and if he tries something I'll take him down.” She makes a good case but you're still unsure about all of it.

“I've heard about your reputation, Shiv, from when you worked for your mother at her freak house and if any of it was true, then you are the best candidate for this job.” Sevika weighs in with a raised eyebrow.

“My reputation? What in the world - you know what? I don't even wanna know.” You start saying before shifting focus. “Ugh, fine but you owe me big time for this.” You point your finger at Jinx before crossing your arms on your chest.

“I can definitely make it up to you afterwards.” She says with a dirty grin on her face, making your cheeks burn.

“You two are disgusting and I'm leaving now.” Sevika says already turning around. “Jinx will fill you in on more details and kid, take care of these two idiots.” She addresses Isha over her shoulder before exiting.

The child pulls at your hand to get your attention and you crouch down to talk to her on her level. “Did you have fun with Sevika?” You ask her while stroking one of her small braids gently. She nods but diverts the subject by gesturing that she wants to help with your plan.

“No, listen kid. That place is no good for you to be anywhere near it. You've gotta sit this one down.” You tell her patiently but Isha insists she can handle it and that it won't be a problem for her. 

“Hmmm, I think we can put her to use.” Jinx says, ruffling the child’s hair and when you start to protest she interrupts you. “Don't worry, trinket I'll make sure to shield her from any evil.” She gives you a sideways smirk and turns to walk towards her workstation, leaving you frustrated.

It's the evening of the day of your little heist and you're getting ready inside Jinx’s tent to infiltrate Babette’s brothel in a couple of hours. You fix your face with make-up, even though most of it will be covered by a mask, and change from your all black attire to a pastel coloured lingerie set you had to steal from a local shop. You haven't looked like this in almost a year now and you think the person staring back in a thin broken mirror next to the couch couldn't look less like yourself. 

You find the underwear way too revealing around the bottom, since the tiny v-string scarcely cups your sex and the corset it came with barely covers your torso, making you realise you have definitely loosen touch with the trade. But overthinking this doesn’t help at all so you fix your thigh high socks, attaching them to a matching garter belt before you peek your head out the tent to call after Jinx.

“Hey, can you give me a hand?” You sort of whisper, trying not to bring Isha’s attention towards you. The kid seemed to be very distracted with a gadget at the workstation and the other girl was sitting on the edge of the same propeller you’re on.

“With wha-” Jinx chokes on her own saliva when she gets inside the tent with you. “Are you trying to fucking kill me?!” She exclaims before covering her agape mouth with one hand.

“Calm down, I need help with this corset.” You say trying to cover your chest and lower half with your hands. “Ugh, stop being a horny freak and tie it up for me.” You reprimand her but she's already running her hungry eyes all over your body, making you fluster.

“I'd rather help you take it off.” She replies cheesily, and tries to pull your hands away so she can take a better look at you but you swat them away.

“Stop it! We've got no time for this, princess. Later okay?” You try to distract her with an empty promise and she pouts dramatically. You lean in to give her a quick kiss and she chases after your mouth when you pull away.

“You're being really mean to me lately…” She whines but lays her hand on your waist to turn you around so she can start working.

“It's not on purpose, I promis- ah!” You gasp as she pulls at a loop suddenly.

“Too tight?” She pauses and kisses the back of your shoulder sweetly.

“No, that's good. Keep going.” You manage to say after you steady your breathing. She pulls back and starts working again.

“Y’know, I've gotta say… this color makes your ass look soooo edible.” She snickers and you can't help but chuckle at her silliness.

“The color huh? Bet my client will think the same.” You provoke her so she retaliates by snaking an arm around your stomach to pull your butt against her crotch while her other hand secures the unfinished laces of your corset.

“I'll kill him if he even thinks about touching you.” She rocks her hips forward and then nibbles at your shoulder lightly. Gods, your panties are going to get ruined before you even get there.

“C’mon, princess. I promise I'll make it up to you if you behave.” You try to appease her now. “And the kid’s gonna get suspicious of what we’re doing back here.” You really don’t want Isha to see you like this, it’s bad enough she’ll be tagging along.

“Ugh, you’re no fun.” She huffs but relinquishes and pulls back to resume working on your corset.

After what seems to be an eternity for you, the time comes to leave and start your operation but you realise your nerves are getting the better of you when your palms start to clam up. You make Jinx promise you she won’t let Isha see or hear anything that goes on in that place and that the child will come out unharmed and free of any trauma that relates to the situation. Although she rolled her eyes at you and gave you a dismissive shrug, you caught her having a talk with Isha where she handed the kid a pair of noise canceling ear plugs, which doesn't solve anything but it’s better than nothing.

The three of you head out to Babette’s and you have to activate your professional persona mode, otherwise you’re not going to get through this entirely sane. You kind of wish you had taken a shot of something just to take the edge off but you got rid of all the bottles of liquor in the hideout since they were becoming a bit of an issue and you once caught a curious Isha taking a sip out of a bottle of rum that was lying around. And even though Jinx believes the small girl can handle anything, you feel obligated to shield her from all the world’s evils. Is it possible to do so? Probably not, but you’re surely going to try.

The back of the establishment is located in a dirty alleyway and there’s a very burly security guard by the door that holds a sign which indicates this was an employee only entrance. Jinx and Isha  take a different path where there’s a loose piece of wood on the wall and they disappear inside as you wonder how the hell the older girl knows about this secret entrance. But now it’s your turn to put on a bunny mask before you approach the security guard. You hand him a paper that Sevika got you, containing a written referral from another brothel that supposedly had a good reputation, and he grunts before opening the door for you.

The air is thick with hookah smoke and a strong rose oil smell that makes your eyes water a bit but you push past the uncomfortable feeling to knock on Babette’s office door. She orders you to enter and the first thing you see is a mature yordle woman sitting behind a wooden desk, scribbling away on a large open book. She doesn’t acknowledge you at first, choosing to finish what she was doing before getting a good look at you and when she does it is only to size you up with a raised eyebrow. You step forward to hand her your recommendation letter and she takes it without saying a word.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you madam.” You greet her, altering your voice to sound sweeter. “It’ll be an honor to work for you if you’ll have me.” You sound alien to yourself but it’s part of the job.

“Let me take a look at the merch, darling.” She waves her slender fingers at you for you to come closer. You unlace the ribbon of your coat, slowly shrugging it off your shoulders and you can see her gaze lingering on the implants scattered all over your body. You bite at your lower lip trying not to demonstrate how being this exposed really makes you feel.

“What are those implants for?” She asks after a minute then gestures for you to turn around.

“I had a few health issues and these saved my life, long story short.” You tell her in the most honest way you can.

“Hmmm, that might be a turn off for some people but I believe you can make me some good money.” She says finally and goes back to her book. “Get to work, honey.” And with a wave of her hand you’re sent away.

Now that you've successfully infiltrated the place, you just need to find where ‘Real Estate Guy’ is and extract the information, quick and easy, no need for unnecessary touching and undressing, or so you hope. You walk through a long dimly lit corridor where there are several entrances to different themed rooms and sounds of people being pleasured fills your ears, bringing you back to a time you thought you never would have to come back to. You take a deep steadying breath and focus on the task ahead.

You find a room decorated with a pastel floral theme where some incense is burning an aphrodisiac flower scent and a sultry beat is playing in the background. You see a frail man dressed in a beige suit that very much looks like it was tailored at Piltover, sitting on the edge of a loveseat at the corner of the room. You make your entrance, taking off your coat and flipping on the ‘occupied’ sign. He looks up when he notices you and a frown appears between his eyebrows.

“Oh, good evening. Y-you’re not my regular.” He seems insecure, wiping a drop of sweat that runs down his temple.

“I'm so sorry sir but the usual girl has called in sick. Don't you worry though, I'm here to help you relax.” You tell him in your best seductive voice while you saunter over to where he's sitting.

“Oh that's a pity, I hope she's okay. But I'm sure you're great too.” He laughs awkwardly and wrings his hands on his lap, glancing over at you when you sit next to him but then looks away nervously as you cross your legs.

“You don't need to be nervous, pretty boy. I don't bite. Well, not unless you want me to.” You chuckle lightly and he mirrors you.

“That's okay, maybe when we get to know each other better…” He trails off and you thank the universe for giving you the easiest job ever. “Is that alright with you? If we get to know each other first, I mean.” He still doesn't look at you when he speaks and you take the opportunity to scan the room. 

There's a side table next to the loveseat with an assortment of dildos and butt plugs in different colors and shapes and a bar cart at another corner with a couple of glasses and three different types of alcohol. You think you might have to loosen him up a bit to make him talk but not enough for him to feel comfortable to make a pass at you. You get up suddenly to prepare a couple of drinks.

“Of course! Anything you want, handsome. My mouth is a bit dry though, I need a drink. Will you join me?” You ask, already pouring two glasses of whisky and adding some ice.

“Errr, yeah sure. Why not? I um… I'm not very good at first encounters.” He rubs the back of his neck before accepting the drink you hand him.

“You don't have to be good at anything, darling. Just be yourself. But just so you know, I'm already hooked.” You say to the most boring man you've ever met. You hear a giggle all of a sudden, coming from the back wall and you wonder if Jinx has been listening to your conversation.

“Oh, really? I usually don't get that… women rarely take an interest in me.” He says shyly and gee you wonder why, but again your opinion is kind of biased since you’re not very interested in men.

“Well that's absurd. You know, some people just don't know what's good for them, am I right?” You proceed to butter him up and soon enough he's talking about his very boring life as a real estate agent and how the market is doing in numbers and a bunch of tedious micro subjects you couldn't care less about.

After a while, you think you might’ve expressed your gratitude to the divine too soon. You haven't taken a sip of your drink yet and you don't plan to but he's just so monotonous you're afraid you'll fall asleep right in front of him. You try your best to seem invested in what he's saying but he's like a chamomile tea inducing your eyes to feel heavy and slip into dreamland. You look around the room trying to find something to get out of this situation which is taking too long already and your eyes land on his suitcase which has a set of keys hanging on it.

“You must know a lot of incredible houses in Piltover, don't you?” You ask when you find an opportunity in the conversation.

“Oh yeah, you have no idea! The last one I hosted an open house for was the best one in my opinion.” Then he proceeds to list all of its great features and then tells you the exact location of the property. 

“Wow, that sounds amazing. Can I ask you… have you ever taken anyone back there while, y’know, they're vacant?” You know this question is borderline suspicious but you're also sure this will go over his tiny brain.

“No… I-I couldn't. Besides, I don't have anyone to do anything like that with.” He stammers through his answer and you fake a sweet smile.

“Well I would go, if you’d invite me. I'm sure we could have a lot of fun together all around it.” You take a chance and slide your fingers on the lapels of his suit which makes him tense up a bit but he doesn't reject you.

“R-really? I um- don't know… we could get caught…” He starts sweating again and you giggle while rubbing one of your calves on the pantsuit of his leg.

“That's the fun part, silly.” You say as you get closer to him. He runs his eyes over your entire body, probably imagining all the ‘fun’ he could have with you in a luxurious house. “Do you have the keys to the place right now with you?” You bat your lashes at him and he seems hypnotised for a moment.

“I-I-I, yes I do. What are you thinking?” He lays one hand on your knee and glances at his suitcase.

“We should go there right now, what do you think?” You suggest as you put your fingers on his jaw to make him look at you. Behind you two, you see a piece of the wall move silently as a very sneaky Isha appears inside the room, shielding her view of you with her helmet.

“You're so beautiful… can't we have fun here?” He tells you with cheeks flushed. Damn, too comfortable but you need a distraction fast otherwise he's going to notice the little thief. You suddenly straddle his hips and grab the back of his head to bury it in your cleavage, making him gasp.

“Tell me what you want to do with me, naughty boy.” You tilt your head sideways to see if the kid already managed to swipe his keys and she is almost there. He lays his hands on your back as you wiggle your body on his lap comically.

“I want - I want to kiss your plump lips and make love to you until our bodies fuse into one!” Oh, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? You fake an obscene moan as you roll your eyes at his ridiculous fantasy.

“Please take me handsome and make sweet love to me.” You have to try hard not to laugh but you're a professional after all, or at least used to be. He then grabs your ass suddenly, which makes you feel a burning fire of anger inside you but before you can react you hear a loud thud and he goes limp.

Jinx is now standing next to you, resting her gun on one shoulder with an angry scowl on her face. You move the man away from yourself to lay his unconscious head on the back of the seat then you stand up and look back you realise Isha is still slowly moving towards the hole in the wall, seemingly unaware of what just happened. You sigh before turning to the girl standing right next to you who's still staring at the knocked out guy.

“Fucking freak. Thinking he can touch MY trinket.” She says between gritted teeth. You dare not to touch her since you believe it will trigger her further.

You still feel aggravated by what just happened but having her intervene in your favor spreads a white heat through your chest that you can't really define with words where it's coming from. Surely you don't need anyone to protect you since you can take care of yourself with minimum effort, and quite well at that, but there is something about being cared for so fiercely as your girl does for you that turns a key inside you. You wish you could kiss her right now because who would've thought, she's your hero after all.

“I'm sorry, princess. Things got out of control.” You say quietly, biting at your lower lip.

“You're in big trouble, toots but I'll deal with you later. Now let's get out of here before I shoot him in the head.” She turns to leave without looking at you but the pet name gives you hope and you take a second to grab your coat as well as a couple of souvenirs before following after her.

Making your way towards the mansion was not the easiest task, to say the least, as you had to find a way to cross the bridge between the two cities undetected. You had no choice but to explore the dark underground air tunnels that connect both provinces to reach the sumptuous structure which stretched through an entire block. And after a couple of minutes of trying out all the keys Isha had stolen, you're finally able to unlock a side door that leads into an immense luxurious kitchen.

It's past midnight when you're all able to find rooms you'd like to spend the night in, the small girl having picked a children’s bedroom that looked more like a themed park with the amount of toys, slides and candy colored furniture it held. Now Jinx and you find a bedroom that overlooks the garden at the back of the house, strategically trying not to alert neighbours of a possible invasion. There's a four post king size bed with a canopy on one side of the bedroom that brings a happy shine to your eyes upon seeing it.

You throw yourself on it and stretch your arms above your head, making an excited squee sound from how satisfying it feels. Jinx is looking out the floor to ceiling windows that lead to a medium size balcony, but you've no idea what she's peeping at since everything there is to see is hidden by the darkness of the night. You wonder if she's still mad at you for letting that man lay his hands on you since she’s barely spoken at all on the entire way here.

“Hey, are you still upset with me?” You ask as you lay on your stomach to get a better look at her. She gives you a side glance over her shoulder but doesn't turn towards you when she speaks.

“You cheated, trinket. You weren't supposed to touch but you practically threw yourself at him…” Her voice is hoarse and almost sad, which lets you know she might actually feel hurt about what happened.

“I didn't see any other options, Jinx. The guy was so boring and it was taking so long for him to get comfortable enough to trust me with the information, I had to improvise.” You try to explain to her before taking a deep breath and getting up to go stand by her side. “I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear. Fuck I'm not even attracted to him, that dude was a total loser and he's not you, y’know?” You take a chance to slide the back of your fingers up her forearm and it's with relief that you notice she doesn't flinch.

“But he had his hands all over you… and - and you seemed to be enjoying it. That hurt loads, toots.” She whines like a child would and you just want to hold her even though she's the one that put you in this situation in the first place.

“I was definitely not enjoying it, he could've been a door for all I care. Besides, this kind of work requires a lot of acting and I’ll have you know, I was pretending really hard back there ‘cause he almost made me slip into another dimension with his dull ass chit chat.” You say with exasperation before you catch her trying to hold back a laugh.

“He was a real fun sponge, wasn't he?” She chuckles, turning to face you. “I think I might've fallen asleep a couple of times.” She snickers and reaches out to hold one of your hands.

“I know right? He had literally negative amounts of game, it was honestly disturbing, man. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it.” You start ranting with eyes wide and Jinx lets out a genuine laugh.

“I mean, guy had you sitting next to him wearing almost nothing and still couldn't do anything about it.” She rolls her eyes with a sunny grin on her lips and you're not quite ready for the implied compliment but it hits you in all the right places.

“Though he never really had a chance, I wouldn't let anyone other than you have me like that, ever again.” You stroke her jaw gently and her expression darkens instantly with lust. “Which reminds me, I swiped a few goodies for us earlier.” You slip your hand inside the pocket of your coat to grab a bright pink plastic dildo of medium size, a large textured purple one, a heart shaped butt plug and a bottle of lube to show her. Her eyes widen with surprise then she starts having a fit of giggles.

“Naughty trinket! You were thinking about snatching these the minute you saw it, weren’t you?” She puts her hands on your waist and you shrug but the sideway smirk on your lips answers her question. “I knew it! Then are you gonna let me use this on you or what?” She gets closer to you and you use your free hand to tuck a stray hair behind her ear.

“Hmmm, I don’t know… have you been a good girl for me, princess?” You lower your tone and Jinx’s eyes flutter as she looks at your lips for a second.

“I’ve been very good, toots. Didn’t even blow up any heads today.” She smiles at you innocently and you respond by kissing her deeply with the knowledge she’s anything but. It doesn’t take long for her deft fingers to start roaming, first feeling up your ass then massaging your chest before using one hand to hold you in place by your throat. Hmm, she’s been definitely picking up some moves from you.

“Hold on, Jinxie. These need to be cleaned up first.” You bring her attention back to the shiny toys and she sighs before snagging them from you.

“Ugh, fineee! You better not run from me though.” She narrows her eyes before stomping towards a door on the opposite wall that you assume leads to a bathroom.

“That could be fun, don’t you think?” You shrug off your coat when she’s out of view then move to cozy up in the middle of the bed, resting your back on the several fluffy pillows propped on the headboard.

“Nuh uh! No dice, trinket. Stop playing around.” She sounds exasperated as you hear the sound of water running and you just laugh at her response.

“Alright, alright then… will you help me with my corset again?” You’re anxiously waiting for her to come out and ravish you already, just thinking about all the things she’ll do to you is making you squirm.

“Yeah, yeah… I’m coming too-” She appears on the doorframe and freezes when she sees you sitting on the bed like a birthday present with one leg stretched and the other bent on the knee.

“Are you gonna stay there the entire night?” You ask in your best seductive voice, making her snap out of it and start making her way towards you. When you decide she’s close enough you start to move your bent leg sideways to give her a peek of your heated center. You let out a boastful laugh when she starts walking faster midway through.

“Thank fuck I’m no real estate man.” She jokes before taking off her boots and sliding into bed to kiss you desperately.

You throw your arms around her neck as she moves to kneel between your legs, spreading them apart with a light push of her hands and you take the opportunity to snake your lower limbs around her hips, trying to pull her as close as possible to you. Jinx rakes reverent hands through your torso as if trying to memorise every sensation her fingers elicit; the slight trembles, the sighs, the moans and the shivers. So you let her feel the smooth skin of your hips and thighs before teasing her digits on the hem of your tiny v-string.

You buck your hips upwards involuntarily, which makes you wonder, when was the last time you felt this much want? You honestly can't think of a moment being intimate with someone else felt this good and exciting. Fuck, you absolutely need her to possess you, and this is Jinx we're talking about so she certainly will. The blue haired girl sits on her heels as she pulls your hips onto her lap to rub the curved tip of the pink dildo against your center and through the fabric of your underwear, making you whine at the barely there sensation.

“This one okay tootsie toots?” She smirks at you and her eyes glow pink in the penumbra of the canopy. You swallow hard before you desperately try to grind on the toy she has lightly pressed against you.

“Fuck, sure but it would be better if it was inside me.” You tell her off impatiently. She giggles then puts the dildo aside to stand with a knee on each side of your hips.

“Turn over, I want to see what's underneath this corset of yours.” She demands and you hesitate for a second, debating with yourself if you want to provoke her or if you want to be coming hard in the next few minutes, before deciding on the latter and doing as she says. “Hmm so well behaved… maybe if you keep this up I'll give you what you want quickly…” She whispers the last part into your ear and kisses a path down to the back of your shoulder.

Jinx peppers your back with soft kisses as she plays with the string of your panties until she reaches your exposed ass and decides now is a good time to mark your skin with her mouth and teeth. You cry out in a mix of pain and pleasure and she licks her artwork tenderly before telling you this was just to remind you she has been here before. You chuckle incredulously because how the hell were you ever supposed to forget about her when you feel like she's the only one who can quench your thirst? And might as well be the first one to do so.

She works with deft fingers on the laces of your corset before turning you over again so you are laying on your back. Her eyes are soft now as she pulls down the shoulder straps down your arms before removing the piece of clothing entirely and throwing it lazily on the floor. You try to fight the urge to cover your chest with your arms but then she's telling you how perfect you are, so you dare not move. She leans down to kiss your lips languidly as her hands fondle your chest, pinching your nipples lightly in turns which makes you rub your thighs together in search of some friction.

After she's done marking your breasts with her affection, she manoeuvres to lay sideways next to you and you cradle her face between your hands when she snakes an arm under your thigh to pull it up towards your chest so she can rub her lithe fingers on your core, making you moan into her mouth. Your completely ruined panties are pulled to the side and you can feel her digits make light circles on your sensitive bud as you call her name feverishly, no longer being able to tell if you're upside down or inside out. You feel her guiding your hand to hold aside the tiny piece of cloth before she grabs the plastic toy to line up with your entrance.

You try to beg but words are out of your coherence capacity at the moment as she rubs the fake cock on your dripping pussy with intention. In an attempt to speed things up though you bend both of your legs upwards towards your torso before pushing her hand down, making the dildo slide in and fill you up effortlessly. You let out a long moan as you feel the object hit all the sensitive parts of your walls, the curved tip almost reaching your spot. When she starts to slowly pump the length of it in and out, your free hand flies to your clit to also give it attention.

“Tell me what you need.” She asks against the side of your face and you need to find a way to tell her you've been close ever since she started touching you. She moves some hair away from your flustered face and looks at you intensely before brushing her lips against yours. “I wanna know how to make you feel good.” Her teeth grazes the skin of the pulse point on your neck and your legs already start trembling.

“You… I need… you.” You manage to say amidst breathy moans which makes her slow down her movements between your legs and return her attention to your face. She looks at you in awe, the irises of her widened eyes almost entirely swallowed by her blown pupils. “What?” You think maybe you’ve said the wrong thing because your hazy mind doesn’t understand why she would almost halt to a stop now.

“Only me?” She whispers softly and you nod before pushing the hand she's holding the toy with so it reaches your tender spot. Not that she needs much guidance but you show her how your back arches off the bed when the tip of the dildo rubs against your back wall as you massage your sensitive bud.

Gods, the way she kisses you ardently now almost makes you break and then she’s running her mouth down your neck, leaving a trail of saliva one the way until she reaches your already hardened nipple to suck on it and you actually get hit by a wave of intense euphoria. Your entire body writhes uncontrollably with pleasure as Jinx helps you ride your high by keeping a steady pump of the dildo inside you. Your legs end up closing by themselves as you become overstimulated after a few beats so you pull her hand away to remove the toy from inside you.

She kisses all over your face as your body still spasms with the remaining electric jolts of your bliss. Then she brings the toy towards her mouth and starts wiping it clean, moaning at the taste of you, and as if this wasn't enough she lines it up with your lips so you can join her, your tongues brush against one another slightly as you sloppily flick them over the length of the shaft. You catch a sideways smirk on her face before realising she's observing the way you're lapping at it, and she must know how much that damn attractive grin affects you because in an instant you're pushing her to lay on her back as you straddle her hips.

“Proud of your handiwork, are you?” You start pulling her pants off and getting rid of all unnecessary accessories like her holster and gloves since you need to feel her skin on yours.

“Not gonna lie, getting in your pants is one of my greatest life achievements.” Her words are laced with sarcasm so you roll your eyes at her before pulling her top off.

“So you're no longer interested since you already got what you wanted?” You try to get a reaction out of her because the fire still burning inside you needs this to be rougher and more desperate.

“Ha! You're not getting rid of me that easy, trinket.” She laughs and crosses her arms behind her head to admire the view. You also take the opportunity to do the same since having her entirely naked underneath you doesn't happen too often.

“Good thing we're on the same page. Now…” You rip what's left of your underwear and throw it somewhere behind you before you move between her legs to line up your center with hers. “My princess, I want to return the favor since you were so good to me.” You lift one of her legs to secure it against your front as you lower yourself to sit on her.

When you rock your hips forward, feeling how deliciously wet she is and her already hardened engorged clit rubs against yours, you both moan in unison so you pick up the pace spurred by your intense lust. Jinx watches the sway of your lower body against hers, seemingly stunned speechless as she grabs the sheets beside her with force. You kiss her calf before biting at the firm skin there and she whines, turning her attention back towards your face. Leaning forward, you massage one of her boobs before pinching her pierced nipple lightly.

“Fuck, you're definitely trying to kill me.” She manages to say finally and you slow down the pace a bit to laugh at her reaction.

“What? We've never tried this position before?” Of course you know you haven't but you love riling her up so much, you can't help it. She narrows her eyes at you and grabs your hips with force.

“You're confusing me with someone else, trinket. Maybe your other girlfriends?” She pulls you closer and incites you to move faster and harder against her.

“No one… has ever compared… to you… princess.” You lean down to give her a sloppy kiss before straightening up again and adjusting your position to resume your tribbing. 

The bed squeaks with every thrust of your hips as her fire licks your core with burning desire, fuck she feels so damn good and you tell her so as she stretches an arm to grope one of your tits. She says she’s close and lucky for you with a couple more pushes you’re both shaking in tandem with the glorious strength of your mutual orgasm. You have to brace yourself with one hand on the mattress as your second climax of the night bites you hard and even though you’re still high with the blissful feeling, you’re not done with her yet. She’s still heaving when you lift yourself from her and grab at her legs to turn her over, exposing her incredibly irresistible peachy cheeks to you. 

Jinx gasps when you slap her ass playfully and when you lift her hips up towards your crotch, making her kneel between your legs as her upper body still lays on the bed, she hides her face seemingly embarrassed by the new position. “No need to be shy, princess. You’re literally perfect.” You lean forward to kiss her back while still holding her up with one arm. “Do you want me to stop?” You whisper and she shakes her head negatively. “What was that? You need to speak up otherwise I’ll take that as a yes.” You snicker and she grunts, frustrated with your teasing.

“Don’t you fucking dare stop, trinket.” She turns her head sideways to give you an annoyed look and you chuckle before straightening up again and cupping her sex with one hand.

“Hmm, good girl. Hope you’re ready for a couple more little deaths, your highness.” You tell her and she opens her mouth to reply but then you’re stroking your fingers through her damp folds to gather as much wetness as you can before nudging a finger in her entrance, and the words die out in her throat. 

Instead, a moan escapes her lips when you push inside her and you’re always taken aback by how tight she is, even after quite a few ‘stretching sessions’ where you’ve managed to fit in three of your fingers within her core. It does take a bit of clit play before she’s loosening up and swallowing your digits with fervor, but you surely worship the ways in which her body responds to your passion. She bites her fingers when you introduce a second one and you use the angle to massage her bare asshole, making her rock her hips backwards lewdly. 

Then you’re picking up the pace and burying deep and hard inside her sensitive pussy, the wet sounds of your movements filling up the room along with her loud whines of pleasure. She reaches an arm back to try to touch your thigh but you divert it's path by interlacing your fingers and bending her arm securely on the small of her back to hold her in place as you pump inside her relentlessly. Her back arches a couple of times with the impending arrival of her second climax and her legs tremble so hard, you believe the only thing holding her up is the tight grip you have on her.

Jinx lets out a short loud cry into the sheets as she cums all over your fingers, the brunt of it making her hips piston once onto the bed as the grip of her pussy pulls you forward with her. She spasms frantically underneath you but you're not done with her yet so you manage to let go of her bent arm to turn her over once more so you can sprawl on your stomach with your face buried in her center. You remove your fingers from inside her to coat her protruding bud with her slickness before you start sucking it. She gasps and tries to close her legs from how sensitive she is but you pin one of them down with your free hand so you can continue to eat her out.

Honestly, you don't know what's taken over you to go from being insecure and overzealous with her to needing the ferocious fire that burns inside you to consume you both. Maybe it's the realization that she can handle anything you give her, or perhaps it's knowing that deep inside you can trust her with your wild needs and unhinged desire for devotion. Well, whatever it is makes you rock your hips onto the bed to seek friction as you let out guttural moans, tasting her sweet nectar on your frantic tongue. She manages to lift herself on her elbows to watch your eyes flutter and roll backwards while you circle her clit with your tongue.

“Fuck, you're so good at this.” She manages to say in one breath as she's still trying to recover from her last undoing, and reaches out to wipe some sweat from your forehead before placing her hand gently on the side of your head. “But I wanna taste you too.” And there it is, the matching scorch that will deliver you both from evil.

“Yeah?” You give her a dopey grin and she nods with cheeks flushed then pulls you towards her lips to roll your tongues together, before you turn around to line up your center with her mouth.

She wraps her arms around your thighs to tug your hips down towards her face before lapping at the length of your pussy with intention, making you brace yourself on your hands as your body bends forward. You try to recover so you can rub circles on her sex, but then she’s flicking her tongue on your clit and you lose track of what you were doing, the rush of blood between your legs proving to be a sensational distraction. You rock down on her mouth and she stiffens her exposed tongue so you can rub your needy cunt against it wildly. You’re getting close again and as if realising this she tightens her grip on you to halt your movements.

“Mmm taste so fucking delicious.” She parts your folds to lick a path along your slit before capturing your sensitive clit between her lips to suck it lightly. You let out an obscene moan but force yourself to return your attention to her bare pussy. “Wanna do this all n-” She starts saying but then you’re swiftly eating her out with so much want she doesn't get to finish her sentence.

An unconventional race begins with you two competing to reach the finish line, although you wish there would be no end to this with how wonderful it feels. However, your ambition gets the better of you as you double down your efforts without mercy between her legs by sucking her clit with intention, your head bobbing up and down with your movements. Jinx’s warm breath caresses your dripping center as she lets out breathy moans before going back in to somewhat mirror your actions which you feel like it’s cheating but there are no real complaints to be made here. With a couple more suctions of your mouth she's cumming on your tongue and your orgasm follows soon after.

You help each other ride your highs by wiping one another clean until she asks you to stop and you're both completely limp on the now dampened bedding. You kiss her inner thigh before resting your cheek there as you try to catch your breath, you swear you can see stars on the peripherals of your vision when you close your eyes. You're both pretty much spent after this, the only thing to do now is to bask in the afterglow of your rapture. After everything you've been through today, your limbs finally start to feel heavy so you gather your last strength to manoeuvre your body so you can snuggle beside her, resting your head on one of her shoulders as you tangle your legs with hers.

“You’re not gonna fall asleep on me are you?” You feel her voice reverberate through her and a shiver crawls up your spine.

“Is that not allowed?” You ask lazily, making her chuckle for some reason.

“We’re not done yet. There are so many things I wanna do with you…” She rubs the back of her fingers on your forearm and you smile heartily at her enthusiasm.

“Really? Like what?” Your curiosity gets the better of you even though your eyes are already starting to close on their own.

“Like… having you against the window and… trying butt stuff… and um using the toy again on you and um on me too i guess…” She lists her fantasies as if trying to remember what she needs to buy a the grocery store. “And then there’s a really big tub in that bathroom that would be great to use too… but you know what would be insane?” There’s a sudden lilt of excitement on her voice.

“What?” You turn your head up to look at her through half lidded eyes and she smirks at you mischievously.

“If I could turn that toy you swiped into a fully functional dong with sensations and everything!” Her eyes shine in the darkness of the room and you’ve seen that look before which means she just had an eureka moment.

“Whoa, that would be really cool.” You kiss her collarbone sweetly before snuggling closer to her. “We can try all of that in a bit, princess… just need to rest my eyes for a second…” You’re sure you can reignite your fire in only a few moments from now but you’re already starting to doze off. She goes quiet for a few seconds before speaking up again.

“I love you, Y/N.” She whispers on the top of your head, and brings one of your arms to lay across her stomach.

“Love you forever, Jinxie.” You slur out your love declaration before slipping away into unconsciousness.