#i don't know if i should post this. i want to because i have so many posts like this in my drafts and it never makes me feel any better

[talisidekick]

Someone tagged this with the following and I actually want to talk about this:

This isn't the first response like this. I've had comments, asks, tags like this one, reblogs, and even comments on other platforms where this has spread to that bring up racism and xenophobia. Whether thats accusing me of being racist or hating immigrants (despite coming from a family if immigrants) or just pointing out, like this person did, the inherent xenophobic attitude the world has for my pharmacist to want to change his first name to an English sounding name. And it gets worse, I was given an English name at birth because my mother wanted me to "have a name that fit in". They weren't English, my last name was German, my great-grandmother who was a pillar in the family used German and Norweigan words mixed in her English that carried into my life and still does to this day. And because I wasn't "English", I still got picked on at school to the point I filtered out the german/norweigan in my vocabulary and learned to mimick accents to remove any germanic lilt I had in my speech.

Point being, I made this post recognizing the inherent xenophobia present. That's one of the reasons I told my pharmacist he didn't need to do that for my sake. I kind of suspected he wasn't just being kind. The way he said it had intent. The next time I saw him, nametag out, proud, it was touching to see the name I was given to protect me from xenophobia going to protect someone else, but also a bit bitter that I know part of the reason for wanting to find an English name was the pressure to blend in and sidestep a LOT of bullshit.

My name now is Germanic, my middle name Italian, my last name Ukrainian, and my nickname I use everywhere to make peoples lives easier is Talia or Tali <- To which I've learned "Tali" is a common short-hand/nickname or name for some in the middle-east (I didn't know, I just mashed up my middle name with my childhood nickname 'T' to get it so my friends would have an easier time transitioning over to my new name and it stuck. I just recently found out from a co-worker who just got back from a trip to the middle east and asked me about it). I'm no longer side-stepping the bullshit, I have noticed a difference in treatment. If people don't know me, and haven't seen me, like when it's over the phone or in email, it takes much longer and I have to be more precise with my wording. In fact, I've noticed it a bit when in person too. Next to my English named co-workers, I am treated by some like I know less and I'm scruitinized a bit more. Now obviously if I was a woman of colour and not off-white canvas, this would be 10-times worse in ways I'm not qualified or experienced to explain or get into. I'll leave that to someone WITH that kind of experience to get into.

I've never mentioned whether my pharmacist is a coloured man or not, and I never will. It's not that it "doesn't matter", every aspect of that man shapes his existence and experience of this life. I'm just not clarifying because the moment I do, I know some of you are going to solely focus on his race and miss the nuance of everything this post is about. It's about transgender positivity, discrimination, humour, and the kind-hearted actions of an incredible man in his journey of immigration. By leaving him faceless, every one of you brings something of yourself to this post. Be it simple joy, or further commentary.

The person who tagged this post is one of many who've accurately pointed out one underlying truth about this post. Not everyone is treated equally in society. This happened in Canada. Do you begin to understand the depths this post goes to with all that I've said here? With what you now know about me? Because I think some of you should now re-read the post again.

A while back my pharmacist saw my deadname on my profile and accidentially called it out, he corrected and deleted my deadname from the system so only my preferred name shows up now. There was a crowd of people behind me, so as he hands over the pills he apologized, in equal tone and volume as when he called my deadname and lied saying it's been a long day and he didn't mean to call out -his own- name. I quietly told him it was fine and he didn't need to do that for my sake.

His response: "No, it's my name now."

I went to the pharmacist yesterday, his nametag is my deadname. He informed me he's immigrating and in the process he's changed his first name to my deadname to have an English sounding name. That's why he's now able to get a reprint of his nametag to be my deadname. And repeated, with the intense seriousness of someone who is going to die on this hill: "It's mine now. Not yours. I'm taking." His tone indicated that decision is final.

Bro literally deadnamed me once, and has committed to flat out stealing my deadname. It's his now. Legally. Officially. I over heard his co-workers call him by the name.

[a-d-nox]

pac/pap: a letter from your future spouse

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: a love life check-up

return to the masterlist of pap/pac posts

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enjoy my work? help me continue creating by tipping on ko-fi or paypal. your support keeps the magic alive!

pile 1

i wonder what you’re doing right now. are you chasing a dream you’ve started to question? laughing with friends who see only parts of the real you? or are you like me - reflecting on the strange twists life keeps throwing your way, trying to make sense of how it all fits together?

i don’t have all the answers, but i know this: our story is unfolding exactly as it should. the setbacks, the detours, the heartbreak - it’s all shaping us, preparing us for the moment our lives finally align. even in the moments when you doubt that there is light ahead, know that i see it clearly. you’re the hope i keep reaching for, even in the dark.

i often imagine meeting you for the first time. maybe it’s ordinary - a passing glance, a casual conversation. but there will be something unshakable about it. something in the way your smile catches me off guard or the way your voice pulls me in. i’ll know it’s you. and even if i don’t say it right away, you’ll feel it too.

right now, i’m still figuring things out. life’s been throwing me in every direction, and i’m just holding on, trying to steer clear of what i can. the funny thing about fate is how it works even when you don’t see it coming. every choice i’ve made, every chance i’ve taken, has brought me closer to you.

when the time is right, i’ll be ready to step up for you, for us. i’m not the person i was yesterday, and i’m still becoming the person i want to be. there is one thing i know for sure: when we meet, i’ll choose you - again and again, every day, through every celebration and every challenge.

yes - there will be celebrations. i want to laugh with you until we can’t breathe, to celebrate to our wins, big and small, and to hold you close when the night winds down. i want to share your joy, your dreams, and every quiet moment in between. you’re the person i want standing next to me through it all.

until then, i’ll keep working on myself, learning from the lessons life throws my way, and holding space for you in my heart. when fate turns in our favor and our paths finally cross, i’ll be ready to give you my love, my devotion, and my whole damn soul.

yours,

future spouse

pile 2

i’ve been lost before. trapped in my own cycles, chasing goals that felt hollow or moving too fast to notice what i was really missing. there were times i poured my energy into the wrong things, thinking that success or control could fill the void. but life has a way of humbling you, of forcing you to stop, slow down, and face the truth: none of it matters without you.

you’re the one who will make me want to be better - not out of obligation, but because i’ll see in you everything i’ve been searching for. you’re my anchor and the softness in need in my life, the one who shows me that love isn’t about perfection or performance, but about presence. when i look at you, i’ll see everything i didn’t know i needed - warmth, patience, and a kind of beauty that radiates from the inside out.

i know i’ve taken the long road to get to you. sometimes i’ve been stuck, unsure of what to do next, afraid to leave what felt comfortable, even when i knew it wasn’t enough. but you’ll be the one who changes that. with you, there will be no fear, no hesitation - only a deep, undeniable pull that i can’t resist.

you have this power, don’t you? to nurture and create, to transform whatever you touch into something extraordinary. you’re a queen in every sense of the word - abundant, radiant, and endlessly giving. i want you to know this: you don’t always have to give. you don’t always have to hold everything together. with me, you can let go. you'll be able to lean on me. i’ll be the one to carry the weight when you’re tired, to remind you how much you’re worth, even when the world forgets.

i know i’ll mess up sometimes. i’ll stumble, i’ll falter, and i’ll get caught in my own head. but i promise i’ll never stop trying. i’ll never stop choosing you. even in the moments when it feels like we’re standing still, i’ll be there, holding your hand, reminding you that we’re exactly where we’re meant to be.

there’s no moving on from you. no walking away, no running from the love i know we’ll have. you’re the one i’ll keep coming back to, again and again, because you’re home. and when we’re together, i’ll spend the rest of my days showing you just how much you mean to me.

my heart is your's,

future spouse

pile 3

if you’ve felt a restless pull in your heart, know that i feel it too. i’m not the kind of man who sits still for long - i’ve always chased what makes me feel alive, even when i didn’t fully understand what i was after. somewhere along the way, i realized what i’ve been searching for is you.

you’re the spark in the distance, the promise of something more. i can feel your energy even now, calling me to move, to grow, to become the man you deserve. i’m not perfect—sometimes i charge ahead too fast, speak before i think, or get caught up in chasing every wild idea that crosses my mind. but one thing i know for sure: when i meet you, everything will fall into focus.

you’re the kind of person who could make a man rethink everything. your passion, your curiosity, your fire - i want to match it and watch us both burn brighter together. with you, every day will feel like an adventure, every moment full of discovery. i want to know your mind, your dreams, and your wildest ideas. i want to be the one who makes you laugh so hard you forget to breathe and who listens when you need to share the thoughts you’ve never spoken aloud.

but i also want you to know this: i’ll be the one who gives you space when you need it. life isn’t always about the chase; sometimes, it’s about the stillness. when the world gets too loud, when the fire feels like it’s burning too hot, i’ll be there to remind you to rest. i’ll be your calm in the chaos, your quiet in the storm.

i know we’ll make mistakes - together and apart. we’ll say the wrong things, take the wrong steps, and sometimes, we’ll need time to figure it all out. but isn’t that part of the beauty? love isn’t about perfection; it’s about showing up, learning, and growing side by side.

i can’t wait to see where life takes us, to chase the wild unknown with you by my side. you make me want to dream bigger, run faster, and still, somehow, savor every single moment. i’m ready to throw myself into this with you, no hesitation, no regrets.

until we meet, i’ll keep searching, learning, and preparing for the day when i get to call you mine.

yours always,

your future spouse

[angstywaifu]

Black Dahlia - 35. Just Sex?

Summary: Fucking War Games.

Garrick Tavis x OC (Dahlia Aetos)

Black Dahlia Masterlist | Masterlist | Links

I can’t help but glare up at the dais. Fucking War Games. Leadership had strolled down the halls at an ungodly hour this morning, ringing bells, banging on doors, and calling for us all to dress and head to formation. Which for those who got sleep was fine. Myself on the other hand… the multiple rounds Garrick and I had gone for had left both of us with very little sleep. And by very little. I got none.

I wanted to burn the memory of me trying to scurry off Garrick, hastily dressing in my dress uniform before I’d rushed out the door only to run into Xaden who was about to knock on the door, as well as Bodhi who had been following him like a lost puppy. Bodhi who was now staring a head with a shit eating grin on his face.

”What’s up with you two? You look like you want to murder someone and Bodhi looks like you’ve given him the best gift he’s ever gotten.” Austin comments as she looks between the two of us.

”Oh because she did.” He joyfully adds as he smiles down at me. I roll my eyes, ignoring his comment.

“It’s nothing. I just didn’t sleep well.” I say dismissively, Austin looking at me like she doesn’t believe me but slowly nods.

”I hardly think Garrick is nothing.” Bodhi teases from besides me, Austin’s eyes snapping to him. I on the other hand turn and narrow my eyes at him, catching a pair of familiar hazel eyes as I do so. “Remind me where I found you this morning?”

Austin grasps my shoulder excitedly. “Holy shit, did it happen?”

”Oh it definitely did.” Liz says happily as she pokes her head around Austin.

”For fucks sake, yes. Now keep your voices down.” I hiss at them as I turn my attention back to the front where leadership and wing leaders are talking.

”So are you two like together?” Bodhi whispers to me as he leans closer.

I shove him away jokingly. “It was just sex.”

Bodhi looks shocked at my words, looking between me and where I know Garrick stands. I don’t dare meet Garrick’s eyes though. I know if I do I’ll want to drag him away at figure out what the fuck we were now. And maybe go another round or two. Two weeks ago he’d essentially broken my heart even though I’d never given it to him. Then he’d come and defended me against my father like I meant something to him. And then I’d thrown caution to the wind and kissed him. Let him consume me, and give into the tension that had been there for the better part of the year. Though the few words we had spoken indicated this was more than just sex. But how much more I wasn’t sure. ”

I don’t think it was just sex, for either of you.” Bodhi states as he turns his attention back to me. “I might have only known you a year Dahlia, but I’ve never seen you like this. Go tell him.”

I look over and see Garrick looking directly at me. His hazel eyes piercing into mine, as if trying to read my thoughts, see what’s going on inside my head. I should hate him. Should want nothing to do with him after everything that had happened in the last year. But I didn’t. I wanted that handsome asshole more than anything. I wanted to leap into the unknown and see where the hell it took me. See what this could be, even if it meant getting hurt again.

”We have War Games to win first.” I tell Bodhi as I turn my head to look at him. “Let’s see if we survive that first before diving into my questionable love life.” A/N: And don't worry, I'm not that cruel to leave you hanging for a week. Post War Games coming tomorrow.

@imtoanonymousforyou @simplyme-fornow @omalmal @lalaluch @wolfbc97 @leptitlu @fullmoon-94 @the-fandom-ness @fan-of-many-bands @awkardnerd @heeseungthel0ml @acourtofsmutandstarlight @fairchild06 @freyagallileaevans @pit-and-the-pen @hannraumari @elliot-rain @thestarseternaal @stupid-and-contagious01 @hyperfixation-train-station @lxnvmvrzx @thebreadisthetruevillian @red0202 @fangirling-galore @craftytrashprincess @taliyahvermillion @xadenswhore @fenixyrie @lagrandeourse @hellodarling1357 @iambored24601  @thegiftofacreativemind @fanfictionjunkie1112 @mysticalfuncollectorus

[justleaveacommentfest]

Not an ask, but a story about leaving comments -- not long ago, I left a comment on a fic from almost 10 years ago where the author, in their end notes, discussed how proud they were to have finished this fic (it was an incredible fic that was over 100,000 words long because they're a god and I would also just be shaky in the knees if I accomplished something so long and profound); and they also talked in their author's note how strange it was to be the ages of 22-24 when they were writing this fic and how things weren't always easy, and that they hoped the future was bright for them.

I commented about my life, right now, how I came to find their fic a decade years later from when they finished (a little sheepishly, it feels weird to talk about yourself, but it felt important somehow) -- anyways, I also talked about how reading their author's note reminded me very much of how I felt right now, and how different the world is now from 2015, and how this fic made me feel all kinds of nostalgic and good and hopeful about growing older, and how my god they were this good at 22 and I hope they're still writing -- and even if not, I hope all these years later they really are in a better place.

They replied. They replied! I was so delighted! They are indeed in their thirties! and they are indeed still writing! Things haven't gone as expected, but they've got a healthier dose of perspective on life and how to cope with the hard times now. And it was just so heartwarming to hear and learn about them. And to know that they're still around!

Just seeing that, seeing these people who write about hard times nine years ago, and leaving a comment and getting a reply, it just brings so much hope. Because you never know! You never know if someone's still going to be here, and so when they are it's kind of a-- not a miracle, but it just feels like I'm suddenly so very aware of my existence in the world and theirs too and it just -- it MATTERS. And ao3 and fanfiction in general is so unique to most media where you stare at a television or read a book, you can engage with the creator of that thing you're reading RIGHT THEN AND THERE. And you may not get a reply, or you might get this touching response that lets you feel like you're less alone in the world. It's worth the chance, right? That's what building community and stuff is all about! You can make so many friends this way!

And even if they never reply, don't you want them to know how important their story was to you? And it doesn't matter if the story was finished a decade ago or just posted yesterday, there's still a person that's there that gets to see how their art made an impact on the world. I've made a couple of friends doing this -- and even if I'm not making a friend, I hope I make someone's day a little brighter. God knows I'm always delighted whenever someone comments on my fics.

I admit I'm not perfect -- I don't always comment on fics that I read. I'm trying to be better, I've got a list of fics that I definitely should have written a comment on that I've been going through and writing out how I feel about their writing because damn people are just so talented. This wasn't for just leave a comment fest, I admit, but I do love to see your blog and your drive because it is such an important thing for writers.

I didn't know you were doing a valentines day thing, but what a great idea! I wanted to share my experience, hopefully inspire some other people to go out and comment, and now I'm going to go check another fic off my list of ones that I'd like to comment on. Better late than never!

Have a great day! and Happy Valentine's Day Just Leave a Comment Mini Fest!

I AM HOOTING AND HOLLERING I AM PLAYING THE XYLOPHONE ON MY RIB CAGE WHAT A STORY!!!! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL CONNECTION TO HAVE MADE THROUGH COMMENTS!!! WHAT A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL EXPERIENCE TO HAVE HAD!!

ANON THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS HAS MADE THIS SKELETON'S DAY

[this-is-exorsexism]

congratulations, you completely missed the point of this post.

it's not labels that divide us, it's bigots. blaming labels and those who use them rather than unnecessary discourse and oppression is exorsexist as hell.

labels are not the problem and never have been.

takes like this are the reason why specific nonbinary labels are mocked and blamed for all of queer oppression ever, they're why our own community treats us like the "special snowflakes of queers", they're why people act like neutrois, androgyne, aporagender, maverique, trixic, toric etc. people have basically "died out" in 2015.

why do even queer people feel threatened by labels? what's wrong with someone having a less recognised gender or orientation having a label that is as specific as most others? we know you're fine with men and women existing but not with maverique or neutrois people, despite these labels being no more or less specific than male or female. we know you all are fine with gay and lesbian, even achillean and sapphic, but toric and trixic just go too far.

it's obvious even other queers feel threatened by anything that breaks the binary and legitimises genders outside of it even in the slightest.

and nonbinary people who just label their orientation as queer still get harassed, they still constantly get asked what it means, who they're attracted to, and people try to figure out what genitals they must have that way. people complain that a queer nonbinary person is "too vague" because with men and women they can just assume mlm and wlw (of course they always ignore ace and aro people), but nonbinary people complicate things which people don't like.

you're also completely ignoring the fact that most of us already identify as queer in a broad sense, but also use specific labels, which apparently you're fine with (thank you so much for your approval!) except it's also our fault that bigots are trying to divide the community.

no transgender ally would ever think that separating the T from LGB is transgender people's fault for having that label, but when it comes to literally anything else, especially when it relates to nonbinary people, the division our own fault.

exorsexism isn't our fault. exorsexism from periallocishets isn't our fault. exorsexism from other queers isn't our fault. label discourse isn't our fault. it's heteronormativity seeping into queer spaces.

the queer community is literally the only community complaining about there being "too many labels" and how they're "divisive". disabled people have so many labels. no one complains. blind people already have like 6 different words for the blindness spectrum. no one complains. fat people have the fategories, including different words for the same ones. no one complains. but when queers want to have anything that comes after LGBTQ, we're the cause of the division. we're to blame for our own oppression. it's assimiliationism.

how can anyone read this post and think it's about "labels bad" and not about "maybe we should stop bullying nonbinary people". like, even if this take wasn't exorsexist in and of itself, why are you derailing a conversation about nonbinary people never being good enough to be about labels? what's so threatening about a conversation being about nonbinary people and nonbinary people only?

i vote that we normalise letting people call themselves whatever they want.

*nonbinary person calls themself lesbian* "only women can be lesbian!"

*nonbinary person calls themself gay* "you're not attracted to the same gender though!"

*nonbinary person calls themself straight* "that doesn't make any sense!"

*nonbinary person calls themself trixic* "made up label!"

*nonbinary person calls themself toric* "unnecessary label!"

*nonbinary person calls themself gynosexual/romantic/etc.* "you're equating women with vaginas!"

*nonbinary person calls themself androsexual/romantic/etc.* "you're reducing men to penises!*

*nonbinary person calls themself skoliosexual/romantic/etc.* "nonbinary doesn't have a look! you can't be attracted to nonbinary people!"

*nonbinary person calls themself bi* "you're reinforcing the gender binary!"

*nonbinary person calls themself pan* "you're othering transgender people!"

*nonbinary person calls themself poly* "you're just trying to be special!"

*nonbinary person calls themself omni* "that's not a real thing!"

*nonbinary person calls themself ace/aro* "you're just a cisgender heterosexual invading the community!"

*nonbinary person calls themself queer* "that's too vague!"

*binary person uses a label to explicitly express attraction to nonbinary people* "you're fetishising nonbinary people!"

the thread that ties them all together isn't that our labels are wrong or don't make sense, it's that you don't want us to exist and hate on us no matter what we do.

[neunnnnnnn]

⋆｡˚୨My extraterrestrials experiences after shifting୧˚｡⋆

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

extraterrestrials- "They are beings or life forms that originate from outside Earth, typically from other planets, moons, or even different galaxies."

Okay apparently they are Aliens and not Spirits or ghosts( That was my mistake, but I lowkey still think they are spirits.. atleast through my experiences)

One thing that surprised me was that extraterrestrials exist, it was one thing no one would convince me were real because it didn't make sense to me in anywayyy, I couldn't fathom how they were other beings like with flesh that existed with us but it changed after I first discovered shifting.

I'll mention 6 of them because there are honestly alot I could write a whole ass 20 pages and I'm not even kidding.

I WILL BE REFERING TO THEM AS "IT" or "THEY" BECAUSE I DON'T THINK THEY HAVE GENDERS.... well I honestly couldn't tell.

I assigned them names because why not, except from one who already had a name.

LONG POST AHEAD‼️

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

Lina☾

I first met Lina when I 1st astral projected for the 1st time, I kid you not I was scared asf. And its understandable because I was still beleving that spirits and demons are scary and that I am going to die if I ever meet one. Lets just say I screamed myself back into my body and started going to church again😃. We met again after 2years because I was so scared that I did not attempt anything spiritual for 2 whole years!!.

I tried astral projecting again and they came to me as soon as I was exploring outside my room. Again I was scared asf but I kept telling myself that I was safe and in control. I tried speaking to them at first but they was just staring at me and I was starting to get uncomfortable and I wanted to leave but I didn't know if it was going to attack me or not.

As I started to leave they talked to me, but it was telepathic because... okay first of all it had no mouth but I could hear its voice in my head. ( and I have to add that it had no normal voice but it was like static? that's the only way I can describe it.)

Anyway they asked me where I was going to which surprised me because...wtf why would they ask me where I'm going. I was legit scared and was finding a way to leave and it said something that shocked me that I even made a post abt it ( The post).

I didn't get to answer them and they disappeared and I was brought back to my body. I have never seen them again and I would lowkey want to just to show it how much I've improved now😂.

2. Areꕤ

I am so sure she is a female because of the aura that she was emitting to me felt so safe and cuddly.

I met her after my first time shifting. I still remember that feeling that I had of not wanting to go back to my cr but at the same time fearing that I might miss my parents if I decide to just stay here, I went to bed in my reality and said my safeword but instead of returning to my cr I went straight to the void. I didn't fully understand what the void was at that time so I assumed I was dreaming or something.

I suddenly started feeling my surroundings changed and I was in a field, I told myself that I was lucid but it didn't quite feel like I was in a lucid dream but I knew deep down that I said that because I didn't want to scare myself.

I suddenly had that feeling that I wasn't alone and when I looked to my right she was there literally close to me that I screamed a little. I moved away a bit and I remember feeling safe even though she had scared me. She was actually really helpful, because I kept asking questions after questions and even asked her if she's been to earth and she said yes but she didn't stay because of how low vibrational it was😭. One thing I will never forget is when I asked her If I should permashift or not because at that time I was so desperate to leave my cr but I was scared to leave my family and she said, "Reality belongs to you and only you, wherever you go your loved ones will also be there with you" I cried my eyes out lmao but it honestly changed the way I viewed permashifting. I still am planning to but I am now not in a hurry.

I have seen her again and I last saw her last year at around the time I was taking a break from shifting.

3.Beau𓇼

This one was interesting and kind of playful and I'm glad that I got to meet them after I had gotten rid of my fears.

They were in my Lucid dream and it appeared after I tried making a portal to shift to my WR. I was a bit frightened because it kept on changing forms? like it would change into my mom then my s/o then my teacher, it was honestly confusing and I asked them what they wanted and that's when it changed into its original form. Idk what to say to them and I assumed that maybe they were friends or atleast knew Are. But it didn't because it looked at me like I was crazy when I asked them about her.

Anyway I didn't really know what to do so I just kept on exploring the dream while they were following me around. I had a feeling that it was a child like around 9years in human age but who knows. they ended up scaring me awake tho😂.

Oh and I've never seen them again.

4.Slay⚘.

This is a recent and when I say it was kind of mean. And it was when I astral projected. The minute I opened my eyes it was in my room, ofc it scared the living shit out of me that I "ran" (not really) out of my room and it kept on following me, and I just screamed at it to leave me alone. And it did but I was scared that I just went back to my body 😭✋🏾

5. Doe༊·˚

Appeared to me while I was in my 80s reality and told me that they knew I was not from this reality ( the 80s one) and I was ofc shocked to my coreee because I thought they were going to prevent me from going back to my cr🤦🏽‍♀️.

They were a bit talkative, they were asking me alot of questions from why I shifted, to my life in my cr and I was lowkey skeptical that they wanted the info to take it to the government( The movies that I've watched!!! Omg 😭) Anyway I was answering some questions and was also asking them some but they refused to answer some but they said that they approached me because they could tell that my soul had recently arrived there!!!, which was honestly fun to hear, like they can tell if someone shifted here!!?

Anyways I didn't see them again when I recently shifted to my 80s reality.

6.Yui♡

That was there name when I had asked. They came to me in a lucid dream as I was flying but they were impersonating my childhood friend. I easily noticed and told them to reveal its real form and they looked shocked that I easily found out, but at this point it was easy.

They refused and wanted to stay in that form and I was like okay, whatever makes you happy I guess. But I had a feeling that they wanted something because I honestly don't think they would approach you for the fun of it?

But yeah they continued to hang out around me which was weirding me out because it making me become aware that the place that I was... was in my mind, like it was making me become so aware I didn't like it and I woke myself up.

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦

Yeah I guess that's it ofc there are some that I didn't mention but I felt like these were the more interesting imo.

Shoutout to these beautiful people for asking me to make a post about it <3 ( @gonfreecs123) (@vwrtual )

I am happy to answer any questions you have🩷🩷

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷

[utilitycaster]

while reading sone c3 meta i realized c3 defenders are as incurious about the world as bells hells. not to say read/watch the lore but they could do some research. the biggest thing rightniw is the calamity is a family scabble on exandria but i never see them acknowledging why the gods are fighting. or that the gods always chose each other which is so wrong. calamity is because the gods dont chose each other, they chose mortals. the entire fight is to save mortals and at the end they saved 1/3 of mortals vs the total wipeout that could have happened. im reminded that in a world with living gods bells hells didnt even know their names or what they were like. i can see why this party resonates with the incurios.

So on the one hand I would say that the Prime vs. Betrayer fight is complicated, because the motivations that lead to it are them torn between what they want and their refusal leave or kill each other. The Schism happens because the Betrayers want to leave, but won't leave without the Primes, and the Primes don't want to leave and want to help mortals against the titans. The Calamity happens at least in part because the Betrayers want to kill the mortals, which in turn is at least in part motivated by the fact that they see the mortals as coming between them and the Primes. The Primes meanwhile do want to prevent the Betrayers from killing the mortals, and as we've seen, make an effort to spare noncombatant mortals (an effort which in Divergence largely succeeds, and Downfall fails), but are unwilling to kill the Betrayers and instead seal them both times.

However, the larger point, both that Bells Hells are exceptionally ignorant of religious knowledge and history in Exandria and make little effort to rectify this or even acknowledge that they don't know much, and that many of their loudest fans are incurious as well, is true. The thing that actually strikes me is that, given that of the Predathos options that did not involve either a simple defeat of those trying to unleash it or a simple unleashing and destruction of the gods, both involved the Luxon, there was a profound not just lack of curiosity, but dismissiveness of Ashton learning about the beacon earlier in the campaign by their alleged fans. Whether or not you liked it, the potion of possibility and beacon in their head, more so than the shard, was the culmination of their arc and absolutely plot crucial - and it was not uncommon earlier in the campaign for people to be like "who CARES, fuck Essek, let's go to the Hishari." When, in the end, the shard served more as an interesting mechanical bonus, an opportunity for some of the best roleplay of the game that was then mostly abandoned, and an excuse to go to the Shattered Teeth; the role of the titans was ultimately only something to bring up in fruitless arguments and justify dickish behavior. Even more so than the ignorance of Exandrian lore that I saw with some frequency, that stands out to me: even within the campaign they purported to love, they didn't care about exploring something that might gently brush up against Campaign 2. It's a real cutting off one's nose to spite one's face, and it made them look stupid, and Bells Hells felt similar: they did not want to find out information that might show them to be wrong, or show people whom they disliked to be right.

This incuriosity is still alive and well:

This is probably a vague of this post by me - but that post, I should note, came from me checking something in the transcript:

The fans of Campaign 3 don't even care enough about the campaign and party they are expending so much energy to defend, to engage with the questions the characters thereof are thinking about. They're willing to throw Dorian under the bus in a failed attempt to win an argument. Dorian cares about this, actually, is the thing, and he's mostly brushed off, and even if Bells Hells had said "oh damn you're right", my point is not "why doesn't Bells Hells care" so much as "framing this as the merciful option is again a very self-centered perspective, rather like how donating your impulse purchase fast fashion clothing still often puts it in a landfill, but there's a middleman that lets you pretend you're doing the more eco-conscious option."

And yes, it is similar to how Bells Hells, as the party of Campaign 3, didn't care enough about the people and world they claimed to speak for to learn about it. Recall how many NPCs told Ashton that the titans were dead? I think a fair interpretation is that party didn't want to talk to people because they might have told them something that challenged their limited worldview and required they change, grow, and empathize with others.

There's a line from I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings: "[My mother] said I must always be intolerant of ignorance but understanding of illiteracy," with the implication that there is a difference between a lack of knowledge that comes from lack of opportunity, vs. lack of knowledge that comes from not caring. And that's the thing. If a fan doesn't know all the lore, or even gets something wrong in good faith? That's fine! There's a lot, and if people don't know every detail of the history of the Calamity that's not a failure on their part, particularly if they acknowledge that they might be missing some information and are still learning. But if someone looks at the story, and looks at the questions within it - in some cases, questions directly stated by the characters within it - and says "who cares?" that's incuriosity. It's not a lack of knowledge; it's a disinterest in gaining it, and a lot of fans of C3 are not just incurious but openly proud of it.

[ziminy]

If you love me tonight

You moved in with Toji out of convenience, however, you two started to get along way too good, it's getting suspicious

Tags: smut, minors and ageless blogs do not interact, f!reader, college au, friends with benefits, roommates, oral (f!receiving) (lots of it), both of you have a crush on each other, fingering, virginity loss, humping, bad language, phone sex, basically just me writing this with my inexistent dick, not proofread

Author's note: happy valentine to all my girlies out there. I can't be there to make your day better but hope this fic will 😘

Author's note: I was going to post this sooner but I was out the whole day and didn't got the time to.

Masterlist roommatesmasterlist

You were in the same friend group, because somehow, out of nowhere, you were dragged into this group of dorks one day while walking around the school. And now you're stuck with them. Even so, you and Toji never really talked.

Yes you do have each other's numbers, yes you follow every single one of his social media accounts and he followed yours. And yes, you were seeing each other every single day. But you never really had the balls to talk to him.

It was something about him that made you feel intimidated. The whole group had you like that for the first two weeks since they adopted you, but you got over it after one night of partying too hard, almost puking in Satoru's car while he was taking you home. Waking up the next day with the whole gang in your place, scattered all over your room and sleeping like they didn't had other places to be.

You realized that they're idiots, every single one of them. It didn't matter how scary Sukuna looked with his tattoos and his shitty attitude, because deep down he was just a dumbass who was awkward at making jokes. He was so bad at them that the first few times you actually took his words seriously.

Or the trio, Gojo, Geto and Shoko who were just them. You don't really have anything to say about them since you see them so much you feel like the forth wheel to their tricycle.

The only normal person in that group was Nanami, but even he could lose control over himself. Like when he's drunk. How can you forget about the time you managed to steal his watch right from his wrist because he fell asleep while talking. You gave it back, but you still think about it from time to time and you still can't believe it how much he changes.

And you can't forget about Choso who when you first met him you thought he was going to drink your blood because he was dresses like a vampire lord. He looked so edgy, how could you have known that he cries while watching princess movies. Which, you're still surprised about it and you promised not to talk about it ever again. For his own good.

Now, it's not like you don't want to get close to Toji, it's just that unlike the others, he was the same as when you first met him. The same charismatic smile on, the same fuck ass attitude and how he seems to keep everybody at a relatively close distance. He was open about everything, but at the same time he looked like he was always lying. And you didn't know if you should take him seriously or pass it as a joke.

You were scared, and maybe it was from the way he posses, the way he dresses and talks. He wasn't trying to impress anybody, and it made you wander how he ended up in the group. Because he always seems to want to pick fights from the way he interacts with others.

That scar of his, you know it was rude to stare, but you just could not stop. It made your eyes instantly move on him when he opens his mouth, because it was something about the way his lips moves, and that shit eating grin. He was bad and he knows it, that's perhaps what made you afraid of him.

"Y/N, what happened?" it was a rainy night when the white haired man opened his door, revealing you who was soaked from head to toes, still in pijamas and a bag with what he could only guess were the essentials in your arms.

"I got in a fight with my roommates. Can I come in?" you said like you didn't just ran from home.

"What happened this time?" he knew your situation wasn't really bright but he didn't thought it was that bad.

"I don't know. Just woke up with them screaming at me. Women, what can I say." you shrugged, not understanding what got into them either. "Anyway, can I sleep here tonight?"

"Of course. Go take a bath, we'll talk about this after." you didn't thought much when you opened the front door, just running to the closest person that lives near to you. It was moments like these where you're glad you didn't blocked Gojo the first time he tried to get in your dms.

"So, what happened?" Shoko asked, looking at you who just got out the shower. Satoru was exaggerating, he shouldn't have called the whole group there.

"My roommates wants me out the house." not really surprising from the way they kept acting for the past few weeks.

"You should move out. Those girls are out of control." the blonde said, looking like he was dragged out of bed to be there, still in pijamas. But it wasn't surprising that he rushed there when he heard your name being involved.

"I agree. This is going nowhere." Suguru was right, your situation only escalated with each day that passed.

"Want me to get rid of them?" omg, Sukuna shut up.

"So, again. What happened this time?" at least Shoko was the normal one in there.

"They want to get their boyfriends in or something. But there's not enough space because of me apparently." maybe it was your fault too for not trying to get to know your roommates. But you can't blame yourself since they're attitudes turned you off.

"We'll find a new place, don't worry." you hoped so too.

"Daddy will pay for it. I'll get you an apartment in the same building as me." the white haired man said, making you shake your head instantly. You'll never be able to financially recover from this if he does that.

"I want a small place, just a room is alright if I can sleep in peace." it wasn't just about you here. I mean, sure, your opinion counts, but how can a room be enough for everybody? If you get a place it wasn't just yours, it belonged to the whole group somehow. Because what does privacy even means when you have such a big group of friends.

And so, from the moment the sun came out the next day, everybody started looking for a place cozy enough to fit your imagine, a home that you could call your own with a smile on your face. And big enough to not look like a doll house.

Everybody was on their own, because why working together when you can work individually and get the thing done even faster? However, you didn't expected Toji to approach you when you were at school, hands in his pocket and looking just as nonchalantly as ever. Does he ever get bored of wearing just black clothes?

"Heard you're looking for a place." not a hi, how are you. He just got straight to the subject. Well, he wasn't good at small talk to begin with, and because of that he often comes out as rude.

"Oh, yeah. I am." you nodded, looking at the big man who seems to have been working out more lately.

"Me too." really? You had no idea. "Looking for a roommate or something? We could share the rent." i mean, it didn't sounded bad. That way you had more options to chose from, since you won't be living alone.

"Sure. Why not." that was surprisingly easy. He thought you would say no or something about how you'll think about it. But if you're being honest, you don't think you could live alone. You're always surrounded by people. At home and here, you're never alone, and you have no idea what to if you're by yourself.

And now, you had to let others know about it. But if you're thinking about this, you don't think you can do it. I mean, you know that they'll exaggerate. How could you accepted someone's else help when they're trying so hard. But to your surprise, this wasn't as hard as you thought.

Everybody accepted your choice without a single complain. So what if you're moving in with a guy, they knew him. After all, Toji was one of their idiots, and everybody knew how he was so busy that he's rarely home to begin with. There's nothing to be afraid because they all knew where he lived if he dared to get too close to you. After all, you were such a sweetheart, how could they let anyone harm you in any way possible?

And now they had a new task. Find a better place for you to stay at, and make Toji pay more than 70% of the rent, because how dare he ask for you to move with him and make you pay 50/50. But the dark haired man was quicker than the rest, texting you before anyone else could about this place that he found near your college, and if you wanna go and see it.

Hell yeah. You spend no time and went there as soon as you could, now being in front of a nicely looking building. Somehow, you were surprised by how good it was looking, sure, it wasn't anything fancy, it didn't look expensive and over your budget, you're just surprised to see that it's well taken care of. You're standards were already low, plus he managed to find this place in such a short time. It was normal to be surprised.

How can you forget that Toji was part of the group too. Everybody had connections, you wouldn't be surprised if they're actually in some kind of underground organization and they took you in just to look more innocent.

But man, he knew what he was doing. The whole place looked so nice.

The apartment was on the second floor, being welcomed by a small hallway with a built in closet where you could store jackets and shoes. And after opening one more door, you were now in the living room that was shared with an open kitchen, a not so big couch in the middle of the room and two doors next to each other somewhere behind it. Those must be the bedrooms. But now that you're looking around, there were actually three doors, a small bathroom in the corner that had a pretty big bathtub. You're surprised it even fits in there.

And there even was a balcony, you couldn't fit more than two chairs in total but still. You now had a balcony.

"What do you think?" he asked, looking at you as he was waiting for your answer. He had to make a few phone calls to get this place, but it was better than to wait for those fuckers to do something.

"When can we move in?" by the end of the week you were already in there.

But you couldn't just spend the first day in there all alone, after all, it was an important date. The whole group had to be there, now inspecting the place like they're about to buy it.

"I don't like it. The bathroom it's too small." Sukuna said, trying to convince you to move to the place he chose.

"It's not too late to move in the same building as me. I found a three bedroom, two bathroom apartment on the third floor. I couldn't fine anything smaller than that." Satoru too was trying to convince you.

"I talked to my old landlady and she said you can move in whenever you want." even Nanami was trying to convince you to move out.

"Is this your bedroom?" everybody's eyes were on Choso.

"Me first." the white haired man ran there, jumping in your bed and being welcomed with a loud bang.

He broke your bed, he really just broke your bed.

"I was gonna sleep there." Shoko looked at the bed that was half on the floor and half still standing.

"Damn." nobody expected this to happen. "You're paying for this." your roommate said, not wanting to pay a single buck for something he didn't do.

Well, guess that now the plan changed. Originally everybody wanted to sleep over in case you didn't adjusted to the new place, but now they went home. Leaving you alone with your new roommate.

"Where are you sleeping tonight?" you asked, looking at him getting out the kitchen with a bottle of water in his hand.

"In my room." then what about you? "Do I look like I fit on the couch?" and who's fault was it that he was so buffed?

"Good night.." you looked at him walking towards a door, opening it and leaving as wide as it could.

"This place is pretty bring even at night." you could see that.

Did he left the door open so you won't feel alone? He was surprisingly considerate. Well, you can't say that you're sacred of the dark or of the loneliness the night gives. You were surrounded by people who cared for you, it's not like you could simply just be afraid.

The next day you woke up with your back hurting, and someone at your door. Apparently, Gojo just got you a new bed so you won't be mad at him for what he did. A hard wood bed a lot bigger than the last one, taking more space of your room, but comfortable.

"At least he's good at something." your roommate said after the men that brought the furniture left.

"I'm surprised the bed broke from that much." the furniture was old and it needed to be changed at some points, but he wasn't going to tell you that. He might bring Gojo there more often, and who knows, he might as well refurnish whole house.

"Who knows." he shrugged.

"Are you free later?"

"Why?"

"I was going to buy a few things, just the essentials since we don't really have much." he shouldn't get more involved or he'll wake up with a hit man aiming for his head.

"I'm busy." he noticed the pout on your face right away. "Buy whatever you want." it's not like he haves a saying in this anyway.

"What if you won't like it?" he will like it or he won't be able to see the light of tomorrow.

"I'm fine with whatever." he said, but you still couldn't help but overthink a little.

"So he's giving you an attitude?" Shoko raised an eyebrow, walking around the store with you since you didn't wanted to go alone.

"I wouldn't call it an attitude since that's how he usually is." you said, looking at towels to buy.

"Put a hand here, behind his head, and one under his chin, move them in whatever direction you want and he'll be gone in the blink of an eye." you invited Suguru thinking that he'd be useful with caring your stuff for you. But he wasn't being useful at all.

"I'm not planning on killing anybody. Just needed your opinion on stuff. Is this bland enough or should I look for something even simpler?" you can't fill the house with everything you want, you have to think of other's opinions too.

"I like this one." Geto picked something with the brightest pink ever known to man. "Give this to Toji, I'm sure he'll like it." it hurts you own eyes, how are you supposed to give it to him.

"Go to the car. I'll call you when were done." Shoko tried to get him to leave. This was going nowhere. "If you're not sure about this then move in with me. I'm tired being around these clowns anyway."

"Clowns are the ones who aren't here with us." said Suguru.

"You still haven't left?" they're not going to fight in the middle of the store, are they?

You should have picked someone else for this task. It's impossible to get anything done with them here.

Well, maybe they're right. Think about yourself too. It's hard sharing a house, but that's how it is. You'll learn each other's tastes somewhere in the future, and then you can buy better stuff. You're not here to fill the house anyway, you're here to buy a few cups and towels, maybe get something on the side for yourself but that's pretty much it.

After a lot longer time than you expected, you finally got home.

How could you forget that you're not the only one living here, your friends also think of this place as their own. Of course they had to get a few stuff for themselves, to leave it in here so they could mark their territory.

Shoko reserved the balcony, smoking in there every time she gets the chance, and Suguru even chose his place on the couch, marking it with a heart shaped pillow just to piss the others off.

And the fridge, it wasn't just the things you like, there was all kind of alcohol and sweets bought by Satoru alongside other stuff that everybody enjoyed.

You were a bit concerned at first, but maybe this place wasn't that bad, especially since everybody seems to like it. I mean, you also liked it, but your friends opinions were also important. And your roommate it's somehow so considerate that you feel like you need to be doing more.

He looks and acts like a brute, but he's actually walking on thin ice. All the things he's doing at home are because your friends are making him to, and he's complying because it's not like he haves anything better to do.

Why he's acting like this is a mystery to him too. It's just.. you're you. The way everyone is all over you overwhelm him. He'd be lying if he says he's not curious, but again, he doesn't dare to do anything that out his power.

You do talk, I mean, it would be weird not to, since you live together. But it's always just the usual small talk. A hello here and there, did you eat, how was your day. And you're comfortable with your current relationship.

But soon everything was about to change.

It was a friday night, where you happened to be at home. Because why going out when you can relax in your bed for once?

You went into the kitchen, looking for some snacks, or something to drink during your movie. But while you were looking around you heard the front door, making you turn your head, waiting for who ever came.

It was your roommate, with a plastic bag in his hand, who somehow looked surprised to see you there. The others were all busy with something, so he thought you'd be out.

"Welcome back." you said, going back to your previous activity, back to your hunting.

"Yeah." he came into the kitchen, leaving the bag on the dining table along with his phone, now looking in his pockets for other stuff he's supposed to get out. "Heard Gojo is throwing another party tonight."

"He told me he's going to a party." you said, suddenly remember what the white haired man told you. "But it's always turning into his party, so I guess you're correct." every party that he attends it's suddenly his party, like he organized it.

"Same thing." he took some car keys out his pocket, making you raise an eyebrow. Since when does Toji haves a car?

"Ah." he looked at the metal piece with an expressionless face. "I was supposed to give this to Gojo before I left." no wander the keys looks familiar. "Whatever, he'll find someone to drive him home. No big deal." you let out a laugh, shaking your head and taking a bag of chips in your hands.

"You drink tea?" you asked, looking at the cans of ice tea he got out the bag.

"This is Suguru's." the dark haired man put them in the fridge. "I'm not dying to drink tea." you could recognize that brand anywhere, it was that bitter tea Suguru recently started drinking. Mostly to make Satoru stop drinking his stuff. "I like this instead." your roommate got a beer out. "Tea is for pussies."

"I like tea." you followed him with your eyes as he sat down at the small table that seemed like it was especially made for that kitchen. He didn't said anything for a moment, looking at you and then at the beer in his hand.

"Water, tea, the same thing." he clicked his tongue. "It's better than this." he raised his beer for a moment, shaking his head like he's disappointed with his choice of words.

"I want some too. Beer, I mean." you couldn't really pass his strange attitude as a joke.

"Do whatever you want." he sighed, taking a sip of his drink and trying to forget what he just said.

You sat down next to him, opening the bottle and taking a sip of it. "It taste as strange as I remember."

"You don't have to like it to just do it." he took another sip, turning his head towards the window and looking out of it.

"You're right." it went silent after that. Well, usually your conversations don't last this long. This was just one of those days where you're testing the boundaries, get a new record on the amount of words you said to each other. It's normal to be awkward, so it was alright. It was some improvement, so you can't say that this was a failure.

Suddenly, his phone started ringing, making both of you to turn your heads at it. He took the small metal box in his hand, looking at the screen with an annoyed face and then to respond.

"Yeah." he said nonchalantly, loud music could be heard from the other side of the phone, making your roommate move it away from his ear. "Your keys are with me." you couldn't help but laugh, suddenly remember about who's keys were on the table next to your hand. "No." he said and hanged up.

"Was it Satoru?" you asked, but you already knew the answer from the way he rolled his eyes, his shoulders dropping like some weight was lifted from them.

"Why would he leave his keys with me to begin with." your voice filled the room as you laughed. This is the first time you laughed to anything he said, and it took him by surprise because he wasn't expecting this.

"He does that." it went quiet again. But then, again, it didn't lasted for long. Because somehow, you wanted to talk more. Maybe it was the beer in your hand, or the atmosphere that gave you confidence to talk more. "Actually, I want to ask you something." his eyes was on you. "If you don't mind me asking."

"What is it?" he took a sip of his beer again, letting his back rest against the chair he's on.

"How did you ended friends with the others? I've been thinking about it for a while. It's a really strange group, so I can't help but be curious." you tried to come up with an explanation for your question, but you're not sure if you're sure of your own words.

"I was one time at this party." he said, trying to remember how it went. "Gojo was hosting it at his house, and somehow I got there. Don't really remember if I was trying to break in or was invited." he payed attention to your face, and at how you seemed so focused on him. "I stole a few stuff and I tried to sell it to this girl, at the same party. But turns out that she was doing the same thing as me, so perhaps I did, or perhaps not, threatened her, so she snitched on me."

"What happened after?" he thought you'd say that what he did was wrong, or try to lecture him about it. But no, you actually seemed invested.

"I snitched on her too, obviously." you laughed, again and again tonight. Surprisingly, he was a lot funnier than he looks like. But he too was taken by surprise at how easy going you seemed to be around him.

"I wish I had a cool story like that. I just bumped into them at school and well, I'm here now, so I guess you know what happens after."

"If I bumped into them at school they would beat my ass." you took it as a joke, even if you knew it was true.

"I wouldn't." probably. "But I'm glad nothing happened."

"Yeah, nothing happened." he looked away, avoiding your eyes as he drank more.

"No way?" you gasped. "What happened? Did you got in a fight?" believe it or not, most of the people in your group are here because of a fight, but if you don't know he won't tell you.

"It's getting late." he said, taking your beer away. "I'll take this, you go sleep."

"I want to know what happened next."

"Not now." he's really going to leave you hanging after letting such a bomb on you?

He pushed you to your room, closing the door after and leaving you all alone in there.

Guess you can say that was the start of a great friendship. Because after that night you became so much more open, perhaps a bit too open. But that's just how you guys were. At least in private, when nobody else was there.

When there were more people in there, you go back to your awkward self, keeping some distance so nobody would say a thing. It's not like you're hiding anything, so who were you like this? It was a mystery.

But then again, how you two got close was an even bigger anomaly. And it was about to become even stranger than before.

It was a beautiful morning when you woke up, the sun was up and shining like it was payed to do so. And somehow, it was annoying. The past few days have been so annoying in fact, and you can't really tell anybody about it.

But even so, you went into the living room, looking to see if anybody was there. And of course there was.

Your roommate sitting at the dining table, in the kitchen, scrolling through his phone and looking like he'd rather do something else. You get it, you would rather be productive in that moment, or do something with your life that would get your mind away from whatever you're going through at the moment.

You went into the kitchen, opening the cabinets and looking for any bottle of alcohol brought over by your friends.

"Drinking this early?" he moved his eyes awya from his phone, looking at you looking some a glass to drink from.

"I'm going through an existential crisis." your mind was all over the place, and so was your pussy, but again, you would rather not talking about it.

"It's that bad, huh?" he would make fun of you, but you were clearly having it bad. "You're sure you wanna drink?" he'd rather have you be the sweet thing that moved in with him, drinking wasn't your thing, even if you do it from time to time. "Want me to take care of it?" he thought you're having trouble with someone. I mean, why else would you be like this?

"Huh?" you placed the bottle down. "I heard it hurts? So I'm not really sure about it."

"I mean, depends? How bad is it?" he was going to beat who ever did you wrong.

You stood there for a moment, thinking about what he just said. Does he know? Is it that obviously? "It's ovulation week, you know how it is. Same old, same old." oh, well, he'll sit down on this one, you got it. "How did you know?" you two were on two different lines, completely parallel to one another.

"Ah.. that." there was something changed about you, more than just your grumpy attitude. You had a sweet smell, but he thought it was your perfume or something. "Just knew, I guess." he doesn't know what to tell you, leave it aside.

"I mean.." please brush it aside, he thought you were having problems would a dude, like a boy problem or whatever it's called. He haves no idea what is actually going on. "I never did it before so dunno what to tell you. I'm a bit scared, if I'm being honest." perhaps he needs the alcohol.

He too shouldn't had pushed it, but he's a fucker, and he loves pushing things around, poking and provoking people. And perhaps he wants a few answers out of you.

"Never?" you shook your head, blinking a few times and tilting your head to the side, waiting for what he'll say next. "Then I can't help you." he wasn't going to do that to begin with. "Gotta find someone else." it was obvious he was joking, you knew him and his shit ass humor. So why were you looking at him like that? With big eyes, curious, and a bit of mischief in them.

"I wasn't planning on doing anything to begin with." you got him sweating for a moment. He thought you'd ask him to do something. "You did it tho, didn't you?" does he looks like a virgin to you? "Can't I ask a few questions? I'm curious about it."

"Aren't you supposed to ask a girl or something?"

"I like getting informations about it from both sides." you sat down on the other side of the table, opposite of him. "How is it?"

"Same as always?" he haves no idea what to tell you. He should have let you drink some alcohol, because he haves no idea what to tell you. "How is it for you?" this haves to embarrass you, make you all shy and run away.

"Wet." he haves to admit, you keep hitting him when he's least expecting. You should stop playing with him like this. "I'm either like this all day or get triggered easily." triggered? Is that how you wanna call it? "I can't look at anything for too long without feeling a pool in my pants." you sighed.

"You can get someone to help you." you could. But then again, do you want to?

"Dick comes with problems. So I'd rather not." those were some words he never expected to hear from you. But at the same time, it responds to a lot of his questions.

You're always home, avoiding people outside your group of friends, not getting too close or friendly to people. No wander he never heard about you having any dates, like, ever.

"Get care of it yourself." what other options you have? You're giving him that look again, come on, stop playing with him and his feelings. Your eyes, sad, and a bit disappointed. Like you didn't want to hear that, especially from him. But what else do you want him to say? There's a line between joking and getting serious, and you know he'll never cross it. Unless you're clearly asking him for it, because he personally won't do shit. "Have you ever been eaten out?" he realized what he said only after he opened his mouth.

His words hit both of you, like a third person said it, not him. You both looked surprised at each other, now waiting for an explanation.

"I mean." did he really wanted to know, was he actually asking you or was this one of his other plays? In the end, you shook your head, not really knowing what to say. "Did you?" did he now?

"A few times while drunk." you were always all ears when he's telling a story, and you have no idea what it does to him. No one else reacts the way you do, and now he's always left disappointed when he's telling a story and the reactions are mediocre. "I was told I did a pretty good job." but now he's actually trying to figure out, remember, if he actually did a good job or the girls were all dumb from his dick.

"Then you must be good at it?" is that an invitation? Are you trying to provoke him? Are you telling him that you don't believe it and he should show you? Because if you feed his ego a little more he might actually show you.

"Got them screaming my name and shit." he was trying hard, like, so hard to play nonchalantly. But he's really not fine at all inside. You seem to only want answers for your dumb questions, not to actually want to know how he feels.

"I see." was that it?

"It doesn't hurt if it's not sex." now, here's where's when he's pushing the buttons. But he's trying to let you know, if you want it, it doesn't have to be his cock necessarily. It can be other stuff too, like let him have a little taste, show you that he's true to his words and his stories are no joke. He's real, the things he said are real, and he can make you feel something more real than anything you experience.

He can answer your questions, no, show you. You want to know about intimacy, right? He can make you feel it. But that all is going to cost you.

Dick comes with problems, and your not horny enough to beg for those problems yet.

"I know." you said, getting up from the table and going back to your bottle of alcohol. "Sometimes I like pain, you know? It feels good in it's own way." he needs a better answer than that. He won't take some vaguely words as a green light. "Anyway, this is mine now. Hope it will put me out to sleep." you said before going back to your room.

So this was it? You really are going to ask him all that and leave him alone? What is he supposed to do now? He made a fool of himself, you must think that he's some kind of clown. He can't believe he threw himself at what he thought was an opportunity.

But to his surprise, you really treated as a joke. Like you do this all the time, talk, provoke one another, or at least try.

No, it's alright. As long as you're not mad at him everything is fine. Or he thought.

Because the next day you came back to him, asking questions again.

"So like, oral right? How is it?" you might as well ask him to show it to you. You seemed to interested in knowing, but you don't dare to actually practice it. "Does it hurt? I mean, it might not, but still."

"It doesn't." that was reassuring, it lifted something off your chest.

"How long does it last?"

"Depends from person to person, it's like sex. It's different for everybody." for a thug like him, he was surprisingly indulging. Answering your questions, with care, and a calm voice. Like we knew one wrong move and he'll scare you away. "You're really that curious about it?" you nodded. It was normal to be curious of the unknown, no? "Why don't I should you?"

You bite your lip, looking at your hands, playing with your fingers a little and then looking back at him. "Sure."

You ended up on the couch in no time, pants on the floor, and tshirt all the way up, revealing your tiddies to the cool air. His eyes were on your panties, who had a visible wet spot on them.

It was embarrassing, the way he was eyeing you, up and down, looking at everything he wouldn't usually see.

He'll spare you this once, because it was the first time you done this. But he'll also pay extra extra attention to you, just in case if you're planning on asking for more in the future to know who to go to.

Your panties now on the floor alongside your pants, and Toji positioning better between your legs. Placing them over his shoulders so he knows he's secured there, close to your wet dripping pussy.

Call him a bit delusional, or even crazy, but he loved it there. How your juices were all over the place, waiting for him to do something, wanting him to calm the aching between your legs, calling his name. And he won't let you wait.

Dragging you closer to him, he wrapped his hands around your legs, placing soft kisses on your burning skin. And that alone was making you squirm around. But somehow this feels new to him too, because he never fucks around with people like you. So, him being in this position was as foreign as it felt for you.

He's never this attentive, careful with his touches. Caressing your thighs, and softly lapping at your sweet nectar. He's letting you breath, not just fucking your brains out. And it was weirder because this was so out of character. But it didn't matter, at the moment he couldn't care less of how he's acting.

He was circling your clit, licking it and kissing it all over. Looking up at you to see how you're doing, it only make him laugh at your reactions. If you asked him what he'll think of this situation a few weeks ago he'd say it was absurd, but noe he's loving it.

"Don't hide your voice, let me hear it." he placed a kiss on your clit before inserting one of his fingers into you with ease. It was so warm inside, and slippery, he had no other choice but add another finger. This time a little harder but it was alright, because you seem to take him so well.

You really got him overthinking this, and it was annoying because he feels like his confidence is evaporating. You got him sucking on your pearl while slowly curling his fingers inside you, way too slowly because he's afraid he might hurt you. And if he does that, he'll throw himself out the window.

He should laugh at himself, because this was stupid. He should ask you how you're feeling, but he's too prideful after all that talk earlier.

He said he's the best, he promised to give you an unforgeable experience, to make you come back to him. He can't show any signs of weakness. What if you'd think he's less of an man after that?

So, now he's stuck on sucking the life out of you, moving his fingers faster, his touch a lot rougher without even realizing. But you didn't said anything about it, only going with your hands through his hair and tugging at it lightly.

His eyes had something dark in them, like he couldn't even realize what he's doing anymore, lost in his own world as he tried to prove to you he's no pussy. He can make you cum like never before, you'll even beg him for more. So just wait a little longer, he'll show you.

He came back to his senses the moment you said his name, making him freeze for a second as he looked up at you. You're lucky he's not going all the way in today, he would have fucked you up for that look you're giving him. "Too much?" he's indulging today, he haves to remind himself that. He can't let his control slip for even a moment.

"A bit." you had a few tears in your eyes, and all he's wandering is what are you going to do if you're going to take things further? Crying from this much? You won't even be able to cockwarm him.

Believe it or not, he haves full control over himself. He's all about control, he always knows what he wants and what to do. But you, you little unpredictable thing, you make him rethink his life's decisions. Did he actually knew what he wanted? Because now his brain is upsidedown, not being able to think rationally.

Even in moments like these, jumping from bed to bed, he was always the one who decides everything. And yet, right now he's doing everything to your heart's desire.

Is he too rough? Do you want it softer? He'll do it however the fuck you want. Because who is he to begin with when it comes to you?

And instead of making fun of him, or ordering him around, you give him those puppy eyes. Careful with your touch as your hands brush against his skin, making him lean in for more, like he's some kind of pet waiting for his reward.

He's going crazy, he's absolutely going insane.

"That's.." you sighed, not even being able to finish your sentence. But he understood it perfectly. You don't have to tell him anything, he gets it. He'd be too stupid not to.

You want to come? Do it. He'll claim everything all for himself. He'll take it, and he'll even try to pull out more from you if you allow him to.

You let out some soft sounds, moans barely audible, too shy to let anything out loud. But he liked it, even if he was talking about making others scream, he didn't expected that from you. Especially when he's not even trying to.

Right now it was all about seeing how far you can take it. What you'll give him. And about making you trust him more. He won't push you, so give him everything you want.

You're so cute when you cum, and you have no idea. He might seriously be in love right now, and even he doesn't know it.

This haves to be ridiculous, like a thing you'd only see in circus, a type of charade especially made for movies for idiots. He doesn't think he can let you go just yet. He want to see something more, feel more. See something you haven't showed him yet. And the ridiculous part is that even he doesn't know why exactly he's doing this, why he feels like this.

"One more?" he asked, getting up from between your legs, and placing them on either sides of his body. He was waiting for your answer, an affirmation that gives him even more control over what he's about to do next.

"One more?" wasn't once enough? You don't think you ever managed to orgasm this hard in your life. He must be a wizard, because his hands are magical.

"You're still so wet, don't you want more?" well, you did feel like something was missing, but your body feels so heavy. And he already did so much, you feel bad to let him do everything.

"I do, but-" he didn't even let you finish.

"Then do you not trust me?"

"It's not that."

"Did it not feel good?" he leaned down, caging you between him and the couch, his face against yours as he looked down to where your private parts were.

"You did. It's just.. I want to do something for you too." you're just so cute. He was going to bite those cheeks of yours.

"And I want to do you. Let me do it and we'll figure it out after." he was going to sweet talk you until you give him a more acceptable answer.

"Alright." you give up so fast. But you did good, so he might as well give you something to think about.

One of his hands went back between your legs, slowly pushing two fingers inside your warm core, purposely positioning over you in a way that it makes you feel more of him. In a way that would play with your mind that his cock is actually going in, that's he's fucking you in that moment even if he wasn't.

He's playing with you, he's guilty of it. But he realized that if he's not giving you a little push then you'll never do anything on your own. So, he's giving you a little preview, to show you that it's not that different from what he's doing now. Even if it was, how would you know?

"How is it?" he asked, moving some of your hair away from your face.

"It feels different from before." because last time he didn't even tried going all the way in, mostly focusing on the outside, on your clit that seems desperate for his attention.

"Does it hurt?" you shook your head, leaning more into the couch, letting your body weight drop.

You were squirming around a little, feeling s bit too full of him. It was weird, the way you feel like he's deep into your guts, deeper than he actually is.

And he seems to enjoy this, seeing you struggle as you try to adjust to him. He was bigger than anything you took before, and those were only your fingers.

You shouldn't have been curious, because now look at this, you're stuck with this maniac who seems to take pleasure from seeing you struggle.

Then he started to curl his fingers, hitting a place where it got you gasping. Looking at him with a pout on your face, begging him to stop playing around.

You picked the wrong person, you definitely picked the wrong person. Because he was way too happy about this. Curling his fingers, again and again, giving you no time to think as he kept bullying your insides at a constant pace.

Your hands were tugging at his shirt, shaking when his palm started to move right into your clit. He knew what he was doing, and he didn't seemed to stop until he shows you all of his tricks.

"You're squeezing my fingers." he said, feeling the way your insides tightens around him. "You're cumming already? But it's just getting started." he was talking like he didn't enjoyed this.

"It's too much." you sobbed, making him lean more in, his hand moving at a meaner pace. He was trying to snatch that orgasm out of you, pull it like it was his life's mission.

But then again, if you can't handle this much will you ever be able to handle him? "It's alright, I'm here." not him talking like he wasn't the cause of your current state.

He can't get enough of this, he was going to go insane if you let him play with you more.

The way you're shaking, letting out broken cries as you cum around his fingers. Your hands gripping at him, dragging him closer, like you were trying to use him to shield yourself from the world.

One more, he haves to do it one more time. He doesn't know what he'll do if he doesn't do it one more time.

He was licking your tears away, making you sob as he seemed to press his body into yours. He's all yours, at least for the moment. So do whatever you want, eat him alive, rip those clothes off him and comand him as you please, because he's not going anywhere.

"No more." you shook your head, grabbing his arm in yours to stop him from doing anything more. "I can't take another more."

"Alright." he still stayed on top of you, keeping you trapped as he let some of his body weight fall into yours. Taking some time to calm himself, because he also need it.

He can't believe what he just did. If you didn't said anything he would have fucked up millions. This was the first time something like this happened to him, so he doesn't know how to react.

What even is this feeling? It was madness, it was driving him insane and he haves no idea what to do. You smell sweet, tasty, delicious even, and he only wanders how sweeter you can get.

He can't let this go any further. Picking your clothes from the floor, he dressed you up, now slowly guiding you back to your room.

He should have went out today, because he doesn't know if he can recover from this. Stupid him for being curious. And stupid you for falling right into his arms.

What is he going to tell the others? I mean, he won't say shit, but what if you do? He'll take responsibility if you want, even if he haves no actual idea how. But to his surprise, nothing changed.

You laugh at his dumb jokes, you greet him like always. You were clearly still in friendly terms, that same old distance between the two of you was still there. Everything was exactly the same of how it was before. This plus a bit more touches.

Your hands would touch, and it made both of you freeze. Sometimes you'd sit way too close next to each other and when you realize what's happening you both are staring into the void. Your eyes wanders around too, tracing along your bodies and trying to figure out if there's something new that you haven't seen yet.

You try to play it cool around other people, of course. But sometimes you can't help but wander.

To others, you're still awkward, your relationship haven't changed yet. In a matter of fact, it looked more like you're trying to talk and you don't have the courage yet. It was somehow true, but not in the way people would expect.

You both want to talk, but you don't seem to have the words yet.

That of course was until you happened to be home alone one time. Coming back earlier than usually, and having the whole house to yourself.

You never thought you'll see this place empty, without a single soul in there besides you. It was calming. Like you could finally breathe, sit on the couch and enjoy your time in peace. You even managed to take a nap, stretching your arms and legs as you tried to occupie as much space as possible. There was no one there after all, so you had the sofa all for yourself.

Soft light illuminating the room, even the sounds that are coming from outside are relaxing, like everything decided to be in harmony for you to be able to sleep.

You were tired, these days have been so tiring, it was normal to fall into a deep slumber the first chance you got. You were so gone into the dream world that you didn't even heard the front door, or the guy that got inside who was surprisingly quiet.

He didn't even knew you were home to begin with, he thought you'd probably be out, doing whatever you're usually doing. But then he saw you, laying on the couch, drooling as you didn't seemed to care even a little about anything else than to rest.

He was tired too, his body was aching, but he kept lying to himself that he's good. He kept telling himself that he doesn't need to rest, just yet. That he can go a few more days without some good sleep.

"You're back?" your words got him back to reality, he doesn't even remember since when he kept staring at you. You looked so peaceful, sleeping without a worry, and for some reasons he was jealous.

"Yeah." he took a step backwards, not daring to get any closer than that. He was still giving you so much space especially after what happened between you two.

"Are you tired?" you were still half asleep, you had no idea what you were saying. But he looked tired to you, like he needs to rest for a few minutes.

"A little." he couldn't even think of excuses in that moment, this warm atmosphere you created around you was suffocating. It was playing with his mind, making him feel relaxed.

"Why don't you take a nap?" he's a busy man, he doesn't have the time to do that. "Here." you pointed to the little space that was available on the couch. You must still be asleep because he doubts you would say that to him when you're wide awake.

"I'm good." he haves to go out again anyway, so it's not like he haves the time for that.

"Toji." you said his name softly, a hint of amusement in your voice as you looked at him with a smile on your face. Finally looking at him as you're not avoiding eye contact anymore. "Come here." you didn't sounded demanding or asking for it. And for a little he was tempted, like he was going to allow himself to let himself slide again.

"I have to go back in an hour." he actually doesn't even know what time it is. He was trying to give you an opening to back out.

"That's more than enough time." you pat the place next to you. "Come." you lay down, getting yourself comfortable as you moved to make more space for him to fit. You closed your eyes again, falling back asleep with your arms open, like you knew he'd come.

He doesn't really know what got into him for actually accepting your offer. It's just.. you as a whole. You're so welcoming, so warm, and your scent so confusing. He could practically taste you, and it made his head blurry every single time.

He wrapped his hands around you, his face buried in your neck as he fell asleep way too fast that he would like.

It was supposed to be a quick nap, but both of you woke up in the middle of the night, the sun being long gone as the whole room was filled with darkness.

No one said a thing, just staying in place and trying to remember what exactly happened to get in this situation.

Your arm was sore since his head been on it the whole time, and your body was stiff from the way you stayed in a single position, not having enough space to turn around and do something.

"You're awake?" his voice scared you for a moment, but somehow it calmed you knowing that he was the one next to you.

"Yeah." you're thankful that's it's dark at the moment, not being able to see much. "Are you going back to sleep?"

"Probably." no one moved, you were both in the same position as when you woke up.

You couldn't sleep, and neither could he. You were wide awake, your brain working way to hard on this situation and failing to process a single thought.

"You told me to come." he said. "Take a quick nap."

"I did." at least you remember that much. Don't blame him for anything he didn't do. "What time is it?" he doesn't even know at what time he came home.

"Dunno." and he doesn't want to know.

This is playing with both of your heads, all kind of thoughts filling you. Thinking of the possibilities, of what will happen if someone moves at least a little.

Your heart was beating so hard it might jump out your chest, and he seemed to be in the same situation.

"You know, what happened.." he said, clearing his throat. "Before." how could you not remember? Your pussy took you places you wouldn't go on gunpoint. Being horny wasn't for the weak. "Shit happens sometimes." you're aware of it. You know fully well it's on both of you, it's not only his fault of yours alone.

"I know." but you still can't help but feel a bit.. off. How can you put it in better terms? You're thinking about it every time before going to sleep, the feeling of another person on you, not really skin to skin but closer than you ever been to someone else.

"Don't mind it." he can't tell you not to when it can't leave your mind. Now you want more, as scary as it was, you're craving for more.

"Is it usually like this?" so you weren't going to give him a break after all? He thought he could talk you out, but you're only bringing him problems.

"Like what?" fine, he'll entertain you. He doesn't want to get up to begin with, so ge might as well answer a few more of your questions.

"Awkward? Strange? It left a bitter taste in my mouth and I don't why." he doesn't know why either.

"It's not." at least for him. "I don't feel anything afterwards." he could feel your eyes on him. "Usually." he continued, feeling like he had to explain himself.

"How do you feel now, then?" you're too curious for your own good.

"Like I left something unfinished." so he gets it then. "Empty." it was more like he overdid it, but still not quite enough. "I could have done more."

"More?" you sounded offended. "I thought I saw the light for a moment. What do you mean you could have done more? You're trying to kill me?" he laughed. It's alright if you don't understand.

"I didn't show you how I usually do it, so perhaps that's why I feel like this."

"Why don't you show me then?" you're trying to provoke him? He's trying not to fuck up again like he did last time, not do more.

"Now?" he can't never back down. And who is he to say no to begin with?

"Whenever you want."

"I got the time now." he had no idea what to do. He's usually more than just talk, but he was really not prepared for anything now.

"Now?" you weren't prepared either. "What should I do then?" but you trust him. So you'll follow his lead.

"Hop on." you got on top of him, your ass pressed against his cock who seems to get harder with each second passes. He can't do much, he can't free himself from his pants, he also can't let you bounce on it. He's not even sure if he's allowed to touch you to begin with. "What do you want to do?" he can't believe he's asking you this.

"I don't know." you're not being helpful at all.

"Move a little backwards." his hands were on yours sides, moving your hips on his hard cock. He was half hard, and yet he was so big already.

The room was bright, but not enough. The light from outside wasn't enough to see your expressions clearly. And at the moment that's all he wanted to see. What faces you're making, how did you react when you felt him? Stupid light, can't even help a man out.

"Grind on it." you figured out that much.

Placing your hands on the couch, right next to his body, you positioned better on top of him. You hoped for something more, but that's alright. You're learning something new everyday, and you're happy with it.

"Like this?" you moved your hips back and forth, your clothed pussy right onto him, feeling his cock jump around whenever you let out a whimper.

"Do it how you want it." that's not really what you wanted to hear.

You're unsure of what to do when he'll leaving everything to you. A bit of guidance would have been helpful, or some feedback. But he's not saying anything, only staring at you, like he suddenly got night vision. Or like he's trying to get one.

"How do you feel?" you asked, too lost in your thoughts to even realize how you're feeling.

"It's good, keep going." that lifted something off your chest, now focusing on how you're moving.

You never thought of how it would feel, doing this on another person. One who's surprisingly hardheaded, not saying much and making you overthinking about your actions.

Good thing your body was on autopilot, moving desperately on him and trying to cum. The darkness had it's own benefits, like the fact that he couldn't see you. So coming would be less embarrassing, especially in front of another person.

He wished he could get in your head, or at least have some kind of superpower that allows him to hear people's thoughts. Your soft sounds makes his mouth water, and yet it wasn't enough. He was a visual learner, he needed more than just your voice. And the fact that you seem to get so closer to your release didn't helped him. He needed to see it. "You're close?" he needed a confirmation. He can't make accusations based on his intuition, or better said, delusion.

"Yeah." you said out of breath. He's taking it from here.

With a quick move, now your positions changed. You were the one underneath him, and he was on top of you. Pressing his hard on you, grinding a lot faster than you did, harder. Taking you by surprise from the way everything turned around in just a moment.

You said you're close, didn't you? He's just helping you. After all, how will you come back to ask for more if he's giving you a mediocre orgasm?

His lips on yours, being way too lost in this competition only he's participating in. Kissing you like there's no tomorrow, and giving you once again the illusion of him fucking you.

See? There's nothing scary in it? It's just him and you, and your bodies. He's giving you pleasure you're asking for, the one you kept craving after. And he's going to give it to you every time you come to him.

Your mind went blank, not being able to think of anything as you're shaking in his arms.

He's not stopping moving, letting you ride your high out as he slows down. One of his hands went between your bodies, trying to tug at his pants to free his cock before freezing in place.

He's going insane, he's officially a mad man. He can't believe he really was ready to fuck you right there and then. He said this was about you and yet he couldn't even keep his dick in his pants.

Why are you giving him attention? Why did you chose to fuck around with him out of all people? Was it because he's always around? You're seeing him and something convenient to use when you're feeling horny? Then use him properly, don't talk nicely to him or he'll get the wrong idea.

"You're going to kill me sooner or later." you said, trying to catch your breath. "What about you, don't you need help?" how long until he finally snaps? Who knows.

"I'm alright." if you keep putting your hands on him he will not be able to take it lightly.

"You're sure?" seriously, let him be. He won't die from a boner.

"Yeah." he pushed his body up, giving you space so he won't do something stupid again. "I'm going to take a shower." and take care of the thing between his legs.

"Without me?" you giggled, like you were waiting to say that for a while now.

"Come and you might not be a virgin by the time we get out." oh, that made you shut up. Nope, you're not ready for it yet.

"I was joking." of course you were.

"It will take a while, don't wait for me." he said before finally getting into the bathroom.

You too need to change, your underwear might as well become part of your body from how sticky it was.

The next day? Surprisingly, you were pretty alright. You didn't seemed to walk on shells anymore. But that alone made him feel like it was alright to keep going. Because, believe it or not. Every time you touch he becomes more and more delusional. And perhaps you do so too.

It seems like your still craving for more, purposely sitting next to him, and trying to make as much body contact as possible. It was small touches, but it was still something.

He's down whenever you're down. Just say the word and he's ready to bend you over whenever.

You're shy, like you're waiting to see what he'd say. Does he wants you around, or does he not? You're trying to see what exactly he'll do.

You're giving him looks, biting your lip and fluttering those eyelashes at him like you're all innocent. When in reality you're far from that.

You told him your secrets, asked him embarrassing stuff you never dared saying before. Heck, you even let him do things you didn't even dreamed of doing. What more do you have to do to prove him that you trust him?

"You got pretty big hands." you said the thing. "Mine are so small compared to yours." if this doesn't prove that you want him, then you don't know what. "See?" it's like you're asking him to get in your bed.

But he's not satisfied with just this much. Because he knows you can say the right things when you're desperate enough. So how dare you think he'd take the bait just now?

"You'll grow." he's doing in intentionally. But now he wished he said something else. Your disappointed look got him rethinking his decision. Maybe he shouldn't make you try that hard. It was your first time doing something like this after all, so he should keep it easy.

"I won't grow more than this." well, it was true.

"You're alright the way you are." he tried to fix his mistake. "Or something." he had to play cool, so you won't think he's all soft.

You wanted to say something more until you heard the front door. You didn't expected anyone to come over today.

"Get your ass here already." Sukuna, of course. "Can't believe I came all the way here to pick your dumb face." you looked at your roommate, confused if the pink haired man was talking about you or him. "You're not ready yet?"

"Me?" you asked, not remembering having any plans for today.

"Not you. Him."

"What was today again?" the dark haired man asked, not being able to remember anything. He thought he'd be able to stay home tonight, but apparently that wasn't an option.

"Boy, get moving already."

"Bye." you waved your hand. "I'll miss you." you didn't mean to say that.

"I'll miss you too." Sukuna looked at you, not minding your strange words at all. "You though it was for you?" the tattooed man looked at your roommate, raising an eyebrow and waiting to see if he'd say something. But nothing, the dark haired man didn't said a thing, as he was getting into the entrance hallway.

Well, here you go, I guess. Now you're all alone when you thought you wouldn't.

But to your luck Shoko was calling you, checking to see how you're doing since she haven't been able to come over recently.

"Life have been boring lately." she sighed, walking towards the window and open it so she could smoke.

"That's not good." you couldn't say you relate.

"Anything good on your side." well, now that she said that, you have a few questions for her.

"Actually." should you ask her? What if she tells the others? "I need someone to talk to, like, a girl talk." you got her attention.

"Did something happen?"

"So.. I'm talking to this guy." you paused, waiting for her reaction to know if you should continue or find someone else to talk to.

"Do I know him?" that was a trick question. She knew everybody you talk to, your friends were her friends.

"Maybe. But that's not important. It's just need some advice."

"Go ahead then?" she lit a cigar.

"But like, don't tell anybody." who knows what they're going to do if they hear about you and a guy getting involved.

"I won't." she better.

So, you started telling her what happened to you recently. Letting out a lot of the things that happened, and names, and places. All she needs to know is how you want to move forward but he seems not to.

"He likes you." she said before you could even finish speaking.

"You're sure?" this happens if you let out more than you would like.

"It's either this or he wants to get in your pants." you sighed, not even wanting to this about it.

"I wish." she didn't expect you to say that.

"Oh?" now she needed the actual tea. "What happened?"

"I want to but he keeps holding back." he keeps dodging every time you try to flirt and it was annoying. Maybe he was actually doing all that because he took a pitty on you. Seeing you all sad and depressing.

"If you don't want him give him to me." you doubt she'll say this if she knows who you're actually talking about.

"Anyway, I don't know what to do."

"I still think that he likes you. Why don't you call him?" that wasn't a bad idea at all. Since he's not home you have all the time in the world to pack your stuff and leave in case things go south.

You waited, perhaps a bit too much than you would like. But you did texted him in the end. It was almost midnight when you did.

You're up? if he wasn't, that was your sign that you shouldn't try anything and sit down.

Yea. Wassup. he replied almost instantly, and for a moment Shoko's words were all over the place once again. Does he actually likes you?

Nothing, just wanna hear your voice. you became a bit too open with him than you would like. Who else would you text in the middle of the night that you're missing them if not him?

Want me to call?

Yeah. he didn't anything more than that, because in the next second he called you.

"Can't even go a day without missing me?" unfortunately.

"Wanted to see how you're doing." you don't even know what to say now that you're hearing him. "How are the others?"

"Left a while ago and they didn't even noticed." that sounds like your friends. "I could come home and they won't say shit."

"Everybody been busy lately. Why don't you go and have some fun?" you're supposed to ask him what he thinks about you, not make him hang up. Stupid you.

"Nahh. Don't want to." lucky you. "What are you doing now?"

"Talking to you." that's true. "Don't gave anything better to do."

"Missing me that much, huh?" he tried to joke around, but you weren't really in the mood for it.

"Yeah. Kinda." he get it now. This wasn't time for shits and giggles.

"Want me to do something?" what can he even do from over there? "I wanted to take a look at your pussy before I left, unfortunately didn't got the chance to." can he really say stuff like that? What if somebody hears him?

"Really? Because I remember it different." but you can't back down when he clearly started it.

"Believe it or not, I'm an idiot. I say things without a meaning all the time." he does that a lot. "Wished I could make it up for it now." you were bad at expressing your feelings, but you got more open about it when you're horny.

"I want to hear your voice more." he bet you do.

"Don't rile me up now." he let out a heavy breath. "Can't make it out past those idiots without being caught."

"Where are you now?" right, you had no idea where he even was to begin with.

"Some random room in Gojo's house. Might take home a souvenir while I'm at it." some things never change.

"Can't you come up with an excuse to come back?" you're doing that again, talking in a way that makes him say yes to whatever you're asking.

"Need me that bad?" there was a hint of amusement in his voice, but there was nothing funny the way his pants starts to feel uncomfortable.

"Maybe. Can't say for sure if you're not here." he'd jump out the window to come home right this moment if he wasn't on the eight floor. He shouldn't have left, he could have come up with something the moment those idiots texted him.

"I'll be back tomorrow, probably."

"Probably?" he loved the way you whine and the way you're so needy for him. Ugh, he's not alright at all.

"If I try to leave now they'll tie me up."

"I want to tie you up too." big words for someone who never experienced a dick before.

"Maybe not now. But we can do something different." his mind is working pretty fast.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Turn on the camera, let me see you. Bet your pussy is missing me." that's too much for a beginner like you.

"Can't we talk like this?" you were embarrassed, and man he wished he could see your face.

"Alright then." he'll be back tomorrow anyway, so it didn't matter. "Take your panties off, play with yourself for me. Let me hear it if you won't show me."

"I'm a bit embarrassed." he knows.

"I'll do it too. So you won't be alone." oh, well, that could help. But now you're more interested in hearing him than do something yourself. "Wanna see how hard my cock is? I'll send you a picture."

"I'd rather see it in real life than in a photo." the room was filled with his laugh. You were so bold out of a sudden. Wait until he gets back, you won't be that confident anymore.

"You're sure you won't cry from it? What if it's too big for that little pussy of yours?"

"If it's you, I'll handle it." you could hear him moving around, and for a moment you went quoet trying to understand what he's doing.

"Why did you stop talking? Say something, let me hear your voice." his voice was so low for some reasons, and you could only imagine why.

"What do you want me to say?"

"What are you doing now?"

"Talking to you?" you could hear him clicking his tongue.

"Not that." what else then? "Touch your clit for me, tell me how you feel." oh, he was really going to do it?

"Give me a moment." you won't say no when he also wanted it. You took your pants off with a quick move, alongside your panties, and throwing them somewhere around the room.

"You had all this time to get ready." it's like you're not even listening to him.

"I'm kinda wet." kinda? He wanted to hear about you having a pool in your pants just from thinking about him.

"Kinda isn't enough." you weren't prepared for this. You thought you'd have a little chat, not this. "Get it ready for me."

"You won't be back until tomorrow tho?"

"And? That doesn't mean that I won't be back. Get it ready so you won't say that I bullied you." did you ever said he did? Perhaps you did, but that wasn't important. "Can you push two fingers in? Doubt you can take more."

"I can."

"Yeah? I don't believe in empty words, I want proof." this fucker.

"On a second thought, two it's alright." he laughed again, running his hand down his hard cock and letting out a sigh.

"Then do it. Try to go as deep as possible." you followed his instructions, pushing two fingers inside your wet core and trying to do as he previously did.

You remember you used to do it yourself without a problem, so why were you struggling now? Are your fingers that little? You didn't feel like your even halfway through.

"How are you doing it?" you must be struggling, huh? He can't help but smile at the thought if you not being able to please yourself without his help.

"Something's wrong?" he could only guess.

"I can go all the way in." he bet you don't.

"Aww, poor baby. You must miss me even more now, huh?" he was way too happy at your misfortune.

"I can do it without your help." if he thought he was being funny, then you too can play. You started to let out any kind of sounds you made without any restrain. And all he could do is hear them through a phone.

Wasn't it funny? You're louder alone than you're with him. But don't worry, he'll take revenge on it later. At the moment he'll enjoy your voice since that's the only thing he can have.

He was paying more attention to you than him. To the way your voice would break a little when you do something your body likes it, like when you touch a place that feels too good for it's good. And how you'd move your hand away, afraid of giving into the feeling.

That's why you need him, he doesn't hold back unlike you. With him you can rest assured you'd be crying and shaking, while when you're alone you take so many breaks, not daring to push yourself at all.

He can't believe you avoid touching yourself in the places that you should. At this point this will take forever with you. No wander you're so obsessed with him. He does the things you don't dare to.

"Rub your clit faster, don't stop till I say so." now he was waiting. All ears on the wet sounds your body produce, and your voice.

You're listening to him so good, doing as he said without a single thought behind your head.

He can't get enough of you, and your dumb naive self. What will you even do without him? At this point you might need him more than he needs you, and he'd rather die than admin that.

He's practically chocking his cock as he was listening to you, his phone pressed against his ear as his head went backwards.

He wants to go home, he can't even cum knowing that you're there, in the darkness of the night, waiting for him all sad and alone.

"Just wait until I get home, alright?" that's all he said before hanging up.

You went to sleep, thinking you'd see him tomorrow morning. But he wasn't there, not a few hours later or even at noon.

Did he forgot where his house was, or did he perhaps didn't want to have anything to do with you anymore? You'd rather chose the first option than even think of him not wanting you anymore.

But he came back, late at night when you least expect.

He was breathing heavily, standing in the middle of the living room as he looked at you who was in the kitchen. "Sorry I'm late." that's all he said before getting closer, cupping your face with his hands and kissing you like it's been years since you last seen each other.

"Thought you forgot about me." you got the chance to say when he started to take off your clothes.

"Those fuckers. Had to run away or they would have dragged me to fuck knows where." his lips were back on yours, trying to lead the way to his room while kissing you.

"Your clothes." you said when you got to his bed.

"Fuck it." he took his clothes off so fast you're surprised he didn't ripped them.

He's not going out again any time soon. He's staying home, or at least he'll go wherever you're going. He's not leaving you alone ever again.

He got with his head between your legs, starting to eat you out, to ease you so it won't be hard for any of you later. Two of his fingers quickly slipped in, moving and making sure to stretch you out. But he's too impatient to do something for too long.

"Look at me." he said, getting up to be at the same eye level as you. Holding his cock with a hand and slowly pushing his head past your folds. You'd only get scared if you look down, and he'll try to distract you however he can.

He kept pushing himself in more and more, not stopping until he got all the way in. And staying there until you tell him to do something.

"Does it hurts?" he had to ask, to know if you were alright or if he went like an idiot right ahead.

"A little." you wrapped your legs around him. "But it's alright. You can move." here he was again, kissing you like he was trying to eat you while his hips were moving at a complete another pace.

He was careful, moving in and out slowly, painfully slow and letting you accommodate to him and his zise. But at the same time he tried to get your head away from him, or the fact that yes, indeed he was inside you.

You didn't complained, you seemed to be just as greedy as him, dragging him closer, wrapping your arms around him and securing him in your arms. In case he doesn't want this anymore and decides to leave.

But how can he leave? Especially when he came home all in a hurry, having to run away when no one was looking so he could be there with you. In fact, he's even more paranoid than you. What if you suddenly see him for what he is and leave? What if you don't want him anymore and go for someone else who can treat you better?

Just that thought alone was making him go crazy.

You can't leave him, not when he wasted so much time trying to get close to you. Not when you fit perfectly in his hands. Look, your body likes him, it craves for him. Your pussy is sucking him in and it doesn't seem to want to let go.

"Harder." you said, wanting to feel him even deeper. He needed to touch places no one else did before, to go as deep as he can and to practically become one with you. Because you needed him to. How else can you claim him as yours if not like this?

"No." he said, kissing the side of your face.

"Do it." and then you'll cry that he was rough. He won't give you a reason to look for somebody else. Instead, he'll fuck you nice and slow, show you that there was more to this that you think.

Sneaking a hand down your body, his thumb started circling your clit, his hips slowly hitting yours, filling the room with sounds barely audible.

This was good the way it was. Body against body, intimate touches and you craving for each other. What more do you need? Because he, personally, doesn't need anything more than this.

He wish he could keep you in this moment forever. In an empty house where only the two of you were. Where it was forever night, so no one else would disturb you.

"Stay with me. It's not done yet." his forehead pressed against yours, pushing more of him onto you so he could feel you more. He didn't want to come, and he didn't want to see you do it either. Because it means this moment had to end at some points.

"Don't leave me." silly girl. He won't leave your side even if you kill him.

"I'm here. I won't leave. I'm all yours." he better not be lying, or you won't forgive him.

[ultramaga]

I don't miss having to wade through feminist posts, but it is quaint and almost nostalgic to see them now.

They are written by people with no idea how to argue except to pile up words like a bad brick fence, only for all of it to collapse the moment anyone asks questions.

So what is the argument here buried in the verbiage?

#BelieveAllWomen.

Hey, remember when people took that seriously? Then Biden was accused by multiple women.

Pfft, feminists back tracked hard.

-----

So let's look at their 'argument'.

They claim feminists are not allowed to be miserable cvnts. But they are - there's no law that stops them whining until they perish, having accomplished nothing.

In fact, I believe all feminists should identify loudly as a feminist, then do the autist screech, every single time they share space with humans. Make sure that everyone associates your movement with your behaviour.

Brie Larson isn't just hated because she is bad at human interaction. She's sexist and racist. Wrinkle in Time was written by a white woman for a mostly male audience of white children. Larson repeatedly told us that the movie wasn't made for us.

Then was staggered when it flopped.

The captain marvel movie was horrendous - again, it was horrendously sexist, with the protagonist acting nothing like the character was created to be.

She acted like the audience failed her, because as straight white males they should have been attending, but as she had explained - IT WASN'T MADE FOR US.

So you don't get to bitch when we ain't there.

Since then, Brie Larson has had huge amounts of cosmetic surgery, despite claiming to despise the Male Gaze.

She also pissed off every male costar in the Marvel movies, so now only seems to appear in the chickflick marvels - where the only romance was with an underage girl.

She's trying to become a sex symbol after a lifetime of pissing on men, but sorry darling, your expensive implants and revealing clothing don't compensate for the stream of shit from your face.

Brie killed her own career. As did Rachel Zegler, Mud Brown herself.

What was it she said?

It's Hollywood, baby.

Yup.

It says something when people prefer an AI song repeating the mockery of her to hearing her speak.

Rachel Zegler hurled abuse at Gal Gadot because Gal is Israeli. Rachel Zegler is racist. But feminists think that's the right sort of racist.

No, fvck off. We know what you are.

_____

Feminism is dead, and it won't be missed.

Feminists didn't fight for women's rights. Their enemies did. Trump did more for women and girls than all the feminists, who just spend their lives moaning about men on social media.

Feminism is over.

Like Brie, it's passed the use by date. Time to chuck it.

Hey, you know a woman who hasn't shit on men?

If Marvel wanted to make money - now the USAID cash is drying up - a bit of recasting, and you could make a movie men would pay to see.

While the feminists sit at home, screeching until they die.

Women are allowed to be annoying, bitchy, mean spirited, unkind, lousy, lazy, finicky, anxious, disinterested, disingenuous, disrespectful, and also be believed when they come forward about sexual harassment or assault. Women are allowed to be unliked and also believed. We cannot keep equating our own inability to like someone to our ability or lack thereof to believe them. I don’t see this inability when it comes to men. In fact, I think so many people love a redeeming arc in a man, but hate it seen in women. Why? Why? Why do men get to have comeback stories from things like addiction, theft, bad workplace behavior, even things as heinous as manslaughter… but a woman can’t come back from a bad interview? A bad press junket? A bad relationship? I can’t think of men so hated the way women like Amber Heard and Blake Lively are hated right now. Even beyond them. It’s so easy to hate women right now. Cynthia Erivo, Lea Michele, Jennifer Lopez, Brie Larson, Rachel Zegler, Chappell Roan, Taylor Swift, and so on. I see unprecedented amounts of hate for these women and more nearly everytime they make a headline, but I don’t see the same energy for men. And if any one of them were to come out about sexual harassment or assault, I guarantee I’d have to see more comments about how it doesn’t matter because they’re famous, or how they brought it on themselves, or how they’re probably lying because they need the engagement or sympathy. It is so much more important to believe women than it is to belittle them, even the ones you dislike or distrust. Even if she did lie, I promise you, the men that they “ruin” the career of can always come back. The internet will open their arms to any man with half a jawline or lukewarm wit.

[ihavethedreamies]

Love Release | Felix [NSFW]

Felix Lee/Lee Yongbok - Stray Kids

Rating: M (18+) MDNI

Word Count: ~4.9k

Pairing: Noble! Felix x Handmaiden! AFAB! Reader

Genre: Historical AU!, Joseon Era, Reader-Insert, Fluff, Smut

!!This is smut…if that much isn't clear you should probably leave now!! MDNI!

Warnings: She/Her Pronouns used, Swearing, Kissing, Pet Names (My love/love), Grinding/Humping (I don't know the right term...), First Times (Both), Unprotected Sex (This is pre-birth control so…)

Summary: You had been training ever since you were a little girl to grow up and serve the crown prince and later the king. Because of that, you grew up with the prince as well. Though, the one that always had caught your eye, was the prince's best friend.

Author's Note: This one is very soft and fluffy compared to the other ones in this series. I got most of my "information"/inspiration from the drama The Red Sleeve with Lee Junho, so if it's not exactly right it's because I based this more off of a K-Drama than research.

At the bottom I will have a guide for all the untranslated words I use. Just an FYI, there are a lot more in this one than some of my others, so I would recommend looking over the list first, or this post.

-> Series Hub <-

-> Bang Chan's <-

-> Lee Know's <-

-> Changbin's <-

I am cross-posting this on Archive. Please reblog! Share, even if its to the other sites! Let me know if you want to be on the taglist!

Your family isn’t poor by any means, but they aren’t nobility either. Your father and mother own a very successful tea shop frequented by the young adult children of the nobles and therefore afford your family a rather comfortable life. However, you know little of it. You are the youngest of five girls, and your eldest sister is an esteemed member of the royal court ladies. Your parents received payments from the palace in compensation for your sister going to serve there, the funds allowing them to open the shop that has made them so well off. Despite her entering to work as a seamstress, she rose in the ranks past her initial status due to an unofficial friendship with the princess.

One year, the year you turned five, the palace was struggling to find new girls to train for the royal court due to a sickness that had swept through Hanyang and the surrounding areas. The sickness was much harder for young girls to fight off than boys, and unfortunately many girls died. You were spared from the illness, though your sister but two years older than you sadly passed. Due to the struggling search, your sister returned home as a still training nain, serving under a sanggung that served the queen. Out of the three of us younger sisters, only you were of the proper age to be entered into the palace to train. So, you were quickly sent off to live in the palace, to train for years in order to serve the crown prince who was around the same age as you. Of course, your parents received more payment in return. This tended to be done since they would never receive a dowry for their daughters, palace maidens are forbidden to marry.

You and the girls in your friend group stood out from the rest, the red fabric at the ends of your sleeves clearly designating you all as future gungnyeo to the crown prince, and eventually the king. Before you were separated into your future departments however, all the girls were treated equal, whether they were there to be royal servants, embroiders or seamstresses, cleaners or cooks, healers or musicians. When you were assigned the department for the inner royal court, you became a trainee jimil nain and suddenly you were of a higher status. Still at a measly 10th grade ranking, you were higher than your friends who were assigned to begin their true duties in sewing and cleaning. You started off as an assistant to a sangjeong, a nasty woman who doled out punishments left and right and you tried your hardest to stay on her good side, only getting a few whacks on the hand. While you were eventually given more or less a promotion, it was a very boring job in a way because you had a very specific duty. As part of your job, you would more or less escort the girls who worked in the naesojubang, leading them and the food they prepared to the crown prince’s quarters. The scent of the much fancier and rich food often made your mouth water, but you could never partake. However, there was a saving grace…maybe two. The prince is gorgeous. Even as a young teenager, everyone could see how handsome he would grow to be. Though, you could only see him through sneaking glances, you dare not look at his face when anyone could see. You aren’t supposed to. The one you could however look at was the second saving grace. Prince Chan had a just as attractive best friend, a younger boy by the name of Yongbok. Yongbok was the son of one of the ministers and was essentially assigned to be one of Chan’s friends as a little boy, but their friendship stuck through. He you could look at, and look you did. There was constant talks and arguments over whether Prince Chan or Lord Yongbok was more attractive. The girls who spoke and admired the beauty and sweetness of Lord Yongbok counted you amongst them. Many girls though preferred the casual strength and confident demeanor of the prince, and this led to many a debate over meals and duties. Nearly every day when you brought the girls to serve Prince Chan his midday meal, you would cast glances at Yongbok who sat to the left of the prince. You would sit by the door, waiting for the prince and his friend to finish eating so you could have the girls come and get rid of the dishes and you would escort them out before they went on their own way. That was…about all you ever did for the better part of two years.

When you were given more duties, you were assigned to be a messenger. Your previous station was one of the least physically strenuous jobs, and then you were given one of the most. The first month or so of your duties, your legs constantly burned, and your feet hurt. Not only did you have to scurry about the palace, from the prince’s quarters, to the throne hall, and then back, and then to the queen’s quarters and then back, it was exhausting. Every time you left the crown prince’s palace with a message from said prince, you hated having to go all the way to his grandmother’s quarts with a small message. It was easiest if you had to go deliver a message to the throne hall since it was the closest. You dreaded however having to go to his mother’s, the hall that housed his parents is not only beautiful, but extremely revered. You feared even bumping into something and knocking it over. Plus, his mother was…intimidating. Somehow even more so than the king. While she wasn’t mean or cruel, she seemed very tense. There was however a nasty woman who despised the queen. That particular concubine and the queen would glare at each other near constantly, and if for some reason they were even in the same room, you worried entering lest you be struck by the lightning between their gazes. Sometimes though, you were grateful for your job, because there were times you had to deliver messages from Prince Chan to his best friend. Lord Yongbok often lingered around the palace when the prince was studying since, even though he was also educated well, he didn’t need it to the same level. You even would sometimes pray for the prince to wish to summon his friend, because then you could directly interact with the nobleman. Every week he grew more gorgeous, and his suddenly deep voice drew many of Prince Chan’s admirers over into his camp.

One time, Yongbok was meandering through the palace grounds, standing on a bridge, looking down into the water at the brightly colored fish swimming below. It was almost like the scene that would be copied down to parchment as a work of art. His gorgeous features combined with the serene scene was worthy of that of royalty despite his lower status. You clutched the letter to you so tight, seeing him bringing you such joy that you worried the paper within the fabric envelope would crinkle. No matter, it wasn’t important, just details for a future excursion the prince had planned.

“Lord Yongbok…” You bow at the waist when you finally gain the nerve to approach. You stand back up straight, breath nearly stolen by his warm smile.

“Ah, Miss (Y/N). What has our lord prince sent this time, hm~?” His voice nearly rumbles through you like thunder, and you have to fight back a shiver. You bow and hand him the envelope with both hands and he takes it from you, opening the blue fabric to read over the parchment. He hums and folds the paper up and stows it inside his blue danryeong. While he looked good in everything, you found the uniform outfit many of his status wore to ill-suit him, and much preferred his casual clothing he more often wore.

“Tell me, when is your next day off?”

“In a fortnight, milord.”

“Hm… I assume you plan to see your family?”

“No, actually. I do not have a plan for that day, my family plans to be on holiday in Ming.”

“I see… Would you be opposed if I accompanied you out?”

You feel your face heat to a bright red, heart racing out of control. You look at him with wide eyes, stammering to answer, still trying to process that he asked you such a thing.

“Y-you would…want to?”

“I would~” He smiles, making your heart race even more-so.

“T-then, yes, I would like that~”

~θωθ~

Your day off came, and you were trembling with nervous excitement as you dressed in your only non-uniform hanbok. Standing at the gate leading out of the palace grounds, you clutch your pass that allows you to leave. You wonder if after your final ceremony if you’d ever get to leave, so you wanted to take the chance to get out as much as possible while still in training.

“Miss (Y/N).” You hear a very distinct voice call your name and you perk up, not able to fight back a smile when you see Yongbok just on the other side of the open gate. You step up to the guards standing on each side and he looks over your engraved pass to make sure it’s legit and then he hands it back and lets you out. You tuck it away in an interior pocket of your jeogori, for if you lost it, you would not be able to get back in.

“Do have something planned, milord?” You ask, not able to look directly at him. He’s too close and too beautiful.

“Yes, there’s somewhere I want to take you, if you’re willing.” He smiles, so purely, and your heart melts further. It’s refreshing to see him in normal clothing rather than his danryeong, his gat suits him much more than his samo, the dark brown beads of the strap for the hat make his eyes pop.

“O-Of course, milord.”

“We’re not in the palace anymore, (Y/N), just call me Yongbok~”

“A-are you sure?”

“Of course~” He huffs a small laugh then starts to walk toward the direction opposite the market and you jog to catch up to him. You had figured you two would walk the market and look at the goods and trinkets sold there, but he wasn’t going that way. He leads you to the edge of the walled district and you halt at the gate before you can follow him out.

“Is something wrong?”

“Is it alright…for me to leave the seong-jung?”

“Why wouldn’t it be. You have a pass to leave the palace grounds, that’s all you need.”

“A-alright.”

You only ever go to the seongjeosimni to see your family, and you typically are escorted straight there, but now, you actually have the chance to be…free. Free to do whatever you wish and wherever you go. You hold your breath as you step over the threshold, almost like you were going through a portal to another realm. Of course, there is no change to how you feel, but it feels different somehow. You continue to walk with him, staying a step behind as is proper. Soon, you arrive at the bank of the stream, no one else around but you two, and you gain the courage to stand right next to him. You both overlook the water in silence for a short time, just admiring the scenery.

“How did you come to be a trainee of the gungnyeo?” He asks suddenly and his soft but deep voice startles you out of your thoughts.

“Well, my sister is a jimil nain and she recommended me when there was the low rate of girls coming in from the sweeping illness ten years ago.”

“I see…”

“Why did you wish to know?”

“Is your father of the jungin then?”

“Yes…” Why was he asking?

“I wondered if you were not…”

“You wondered if I was sold to the palace?”

“Yes.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“Good.”

“May I ask why you wish to know?”

“I was curious of your family, that’s all.” He left it at that. When you looked back out to the water, you felt your face heat, wondering why he wished to know. After that, he brought you to a quaint little tea shop and you listened as he told you various tales of his shenanigans with the crown prince when they were younger. As the sun started to set, he escorted you back to the gates of the palace grounds and you show the guard your pass before heading in. You hesitate in the threshold of the gate and look back at Yongbok. He smiles warmly and you decide that it’s one of the best days of your so far mundane life.

~υ3υ~

When you turned 18, talks of that year’s coming of age ceremony were once again milling about. That year though, you actually cared to be interested, since you would be participating. But times were not so great, the King was in poor health, and many worried his days were numbered. If that was the case, the 21-year-old crown prince would become king and therefore the gungnyeo under him would also become of a higher status. In the year prior you had become one of the palace ladies who helped prepare and manage the prince’s duties or roles in many formal events. As a handmaiden to the prince, you were granted many opportunities to be close to Lord Yongbok, but you unfortunately were never in a position where you could interact with him at said events. Being more busy yourself, he was often embroiled in his studies and was taking all manner of exams, trying to establish his place among the nobility. You overhead Prince Chan and him half-heartedly joking of them being old and grey, with Yongbok serving as the right or left state minister. That would take a long time of service for Yongbok to reach the status to be worthy of that position.

When the fateful day came that the king passed, you were suddenly thrust into a whirlwind of events you had to prepare for and work during. Not only were there the funerary and memorial services for the king, there was also the coronation events for the now King as well as his wedding to the now Queen. She hadn’t even gotten the chance to be the crown princess as the two were only engaged to marry when the previous king died. Chan was given a new name when he was coronated, but he still preferred to be called by his birthname by Lord Yongbok when it was just them. With the ascension of Chan to the highest station of Joseon, you expected to be officially graduated as a jimil nain. But that didn’t come. When the trainee nain were informed of their new positions, you were curiously left out. It was jarring for not just you, but your friends as well. You thought you had done a very good job up until then, your higher duties of greater import than the others your age due to your excelling performance. Rumors began swirling of what it could mean, and many assumed that you had become more intimate with the now King in a personal manner. While it wasn’t horribly common, it wasn’t unheard of for a king to choose a court maiden to be favored, and to even take her as a concubine. But you knew that wasn’t the case. The more believable rumor was…that you would be released. You didn’t even think that possible unless a grave crime was committed, or if a girl fell ill…

~

You were pondering this one afternoon, sitting near a pond inside the palace grounds, tossing random stones into the water. You took a deep breath, trying to calm down, feeling upset and angry. Was there some reason that the now King did not wish you to be in his service anymore? You thought he had a rather favorable opinion of you…

“You seem distraught.” A deep voice startles you out of your thoughts and you look up in surprise to see Lord Yongbok. It had been a great while since you two had a moment of even partial privacy, let alone just the two of you.

“I apologize…” You stand to bow, and he waves you off to calm down.

“There’s no one around, don’t worry about it… What’s bothering you?”

“I don’t wish to trouble you-“

“Trouble me, please.” He smiles softly and you blush, but hum in thought.

“I am the only one among the other girls of my department to not be informed of her new station…”

“Really?”

“Yes… Despite my service under the crown prince, it seems I will not continue into the service of the King…” you look up at him, wanting to ask a question, but are unsure if it was proper.

“You wish to ask me if I know why?” You smile bashfully, nodding in answer.

“Have you ever known a gungnyeo that ended up released of her service?”

Your heart fell at his question. Was it true? Was a rumor about you that not even you knew the truth of really…true? He could see your face fall and he tries to smile, reassuringly, taking a step closer.

“Please don’t worry. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Do you know why…am I truly being released?”

“You are. And…I do know why. I hope…you will not be upset with me.”

“With you? Why would I be?”

“It seems your release is because of me.” He hums, looking over the water and your eyes flit all over his face, trying to read it.

“Have I…upset you in some way?”

“Oh, no, not…” He sighs, “I wished this to be good news for you…”

“What? What’s happening?”

“I made a request of the King…Something I have never done in all our years of friendship. And he granted me this request.”

Your heart begins to race as he smiles warmly at you, a small blush dusting his cheeks as well.

“You…?”

“I requested that you be released… Because if you weren’t, I would not be able to court you to be my wife.”

“Y-your…wife?”

“Yes.”

“I-I…I thought if a gungnyeo was released…she still could not marry?”

“That’s just for droughts, and other calamities. This is an extremely special circumstance. One that might not be possible if you officially graduate to a true nain. As a trainee however, the rules are more lenient.”

“You did something so…so bold for…me?” You feel tears pricking your eyes, both truly honored and beyond ecstatic. Despite the lessening opportunities you had to be around Lord Yongbok, you had fallen for him. And it seemed, he you.

“I already met with your father, actually.”

“You…did?”

“Yes. Paid the dowry and everything…” He holds his hand out to you, and you shakily place your hand in his, a tear escaping your eye.

“I assumed you’d say yes…”

“Of course I’d say yes~”

~(◕‿◕✿)~

The next month is an absolute whirlwind for you, each upcoming moment causing more nervous excitement than the last. After Chan is crowned King, and the rest of the girls that were training have gone through their coming-of-age ceremonies, you’re formally released from service. Right after, you’re moved into a new house on the estate grounds of Yongbok’s family, staying there for a few days alone until the wedding. What makes you the most nervous of all is waiting in the middle of your new bedchamber in nothing but your white marital sokchima, pacing. Yongbok is getting cleaned up after you had and you can’t stand or sit still, face a seemingly permanent red. You startle when the door opens and your heart stops, then races into a tizzy when you see him. His hair’s down, even going a bit past his shoulders, long and so purely black it’s like flowing ink.

“O-Oh…” You sigh in amazement; you’ve married a heavenly being, you’re sure. He smiles and your floored even further, how is he so perfect?

“My wife~” He comes to you, cupping your jaw in both his hands, thumbs gently rubbing over your cheeks. Your own hands go to his wrists, holding his hands to your face, your eyes skating all over his beautiful features.

“Y-Yes?” He chuckles and you blush further, swallowing hard.

“Tell me if I need to slow down…” He says as he leans in, lips hovering over yours. When you don’t say anything, just gape at him, he gently kisses you. You have kissed before, but only briefly, and he steals your breath as he deepens the kiss. His deep rumbling groan shudders through you like thunder and you can’t help but moan into the kiss, trying your best to kiss him back well. When his tongue slips into your mouth, you whimper again, tongue sliding against his. It was an odd sensation but by no means unwelcome, and he somehow even tastes good. Pulling back, a small strand of saliva connects your lips still and he hums with a soft smirk.

“Do you know how long I’ve been wanting to do that?” He smiles as he asks.

“Probably not as long as me…” You admit, still holding his wrists to make sure his hands don’t leave your face. You whine softly in disappointment when he moves his hands, and he huffs a small laugh. You let go of his wrists and then you nearly squeak when he lifts you easily up into his arms, carrying you over to the raised yo bed. Gently, like you’re fragile, he lays you down and leans over you. His fingers fiddle with the tie of your sokchima, looking up at you in silent question. You nod, and he slowly pulls on the goreum to undo it. You sit up so he can help you get it fully off and you blush furiously as you lay back down under him, completely bare. You hear him swallow hard, a low hum coming from him and you boldly reach up for the tie of his marital jeogori. He helps you then get his garment off and your mouth literally waters when you see him. Your shy fingers gently reach to run over the defined ridges of his torso, and they quickly get brave. You sit up, in awe as you feel his bare skin, the muscles of his stomach twitching under your soft fingers. He huffs another laugh, letting you explore him for a few seconds. He watches you carefully for your reaction, your fingers creeping lower and lower till the reach the ties of his sokbaji. Your eyes widen a bit when you find he’s already getting hard and you immediately flush.

“Nervous?” Yongbok asks softly. You nod, not able to lie.

“It’s okay, my love.” He leans down and kisses your upper cheek, “just lay back and I’ll start.” You do so and you swallow hard, waiting to watch him take his pants off but he doesn’t. His hands meet your bare skin, and you can’t help but gasp a soft moan as his hands land on your waist, thumbs rubbing the soft skin of your stomach. As soon as your eyes meet, he’s leaning down to kiss you, rougher this time. His tongue sneaks into your mouth and you whine a bit as his hands sneak lower till they’re gripping your hips. Slowly, his hands go lower, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake till they end their journey at your thighs. Your fingers weave into his soft hair as he guides your legs up to wrap around his waist. You’re nervous at first to do anything more than loop them loosely around his middle, but when his hands sneak back up to palm your breasts, your legs tighten, hips twitching. He pulls back from the kiss with a low groan, grinding back against you, hardening fully.

“(Y/N)…careful, love.”

“Sorry…” You whisper, not very sorry actually. Even just the slight friction - even with the fabric of his pants between- of his cock against your cunt feels amazing.

“Sure you are~” He grins, nuzzling his nose against your ear, his voice lowering to a rough timbre, “You’re already so wet.” You blush at his words despite knowing how true they are.

“Why don’t we try something?”

“What?” He answers your question by rolling his hips, his cock pressing into your folds. You gasp softly at this, and he lets your legs down and before you can protest, he undoes the tie of his sokbaji and gets them off, leaving him just as naked as you. You swallow hard, eyes focusing on his cock…

“W-won’t it hurt?”

“That’s why I’m going to get you ready okay?”

“Okay…”

“Just trust me, I won’t go in till you’re ready.”

“Okay…I trust you, Yongbok~” He kisses the tip of your nose making you giggle. He guides your legs back around him and you both moan softly when his dick slides through your slick folds, no longer impeded by the fabric of his bottoms.

“Oh, you’re so warm~” He huffs a small laugh, and you gasp again when he moves his hips, the length of his cock running through your cunt, slicking over your clit.

“Feel good, love~?

“Yes…” You whimper; a bit shocked at just how good it feels.

“Have you even ever touched yourself here?”

“N-no.” Your hips twitch up, goosebumps raising with each thrust of his hips. He moves faster, soft but low grunts leaving his pretty lips as he admires the sheen coating his cock from your wet folds. The more he moves, the better it feels, your little clit feeling like it’s on fire.

“Y-Yongbok, s-something-“

“Just let it happen, love.” He kisses your forehead as he keeps moving, able to feel your core clenching around nothing as he strokes his dick through your pussy. You gasp again, then lose your breath, back arching when he presses harder, moving faster. Your orgasm hits you like a wave, crashing over you again and again, the overwhelming pleasure making your head swim. When you come down, you look up at him. He’s biting his lip as he’s adjusting to press the head of his cock against your entrance. At the right spot, he reaches up and weaves his fingers through yours, holding your hands up by your head, his lips hovering over yours.

“Just grip my hands tight if it hurts, love.” His lips seal over yours as he starts to press in. The stretch burns, like nothing you’ve ever felt before, but it’s also different than pain. It somehow hurts and feels amazing at the same time, and you swear you can’t catch your breath fully the deeper he gets. You grips his hands tight, but not overly so, trying to focus on kissing him. Finally, after what seems like hours, he bottoms out, the head of his cock kissing your cervix. Yongbok pulls back from the kiss, tongue swiping over his lip to break the trail of saliva connecting your mouths.

“Does it hurt?”

“S-some, but not…it’s not bad…” He looks down to where your bodies are connected, groaning out a rumble as he sees your slick folds stretching to accommodate his fat cock. You’re so much hotter, wetter, and tighter than his hand could ever be and he’s already struggling to stay calm.

“T-tell me when I can move, but I’m not sure how long I can wait…” He’s breathing a bit harder, eyes clenched shut, brow furrowed, trying to remain in control.

“S-start slow.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, please.” You nod and he pulls back maybe an inch before going slowly back in. The searing burn remains, but it hurts less. He feels your gummy walls clench him, pulsing around him to the beat of your heart.

“M-more.” You nod again and he pulls back further, but goes in just as slow. He keeps this up till he pulls nearly all the way out before slowly burying back into your core. You’re breathing harder as well, trying to figure out if you’re still hurting at all, but only feeling better than you ever have before.

“Y-Yongbok, more, please-“

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t, please need more~” He hums, picking up speed and your back arches, head thrown back as he starts to batter the head of his cock against your back wall, your tummy feeling on fire. Your fingers tighten around his, but he can feel your cunt spasming around him, your face all the way down to your chest flushing. One of his hands leaves yours, and you take your free one to wrap around his neck, keeping him close. His free hand finds its way to your hip, and he lifts you up more, changing the angle of how he’s fucking into you. Your breath immediately leaves you and another orgasm slams into you as he gives short but deep thrusts, the head of his dick perfectly thudding into your weak spot. He grunts, gritting his teeth as your gummy walls tighten into a slick vice and he wants so bad to hold back, but he can’t. He groans out and you whimper as you feel rope after rope of his hot cum pumping into you. As you both catch your breaths, and you can feel his cock softening, you cup his jaw in your hands. His eyes meet yours and he gives you the prettiest smile you’ve ever seen.

“I love you so much~”

“I love you too~”

Hanyang - historical name for Seoul nain - assistant court ladies sanggung - manage the palace and the royal family gungyeo - "Lady Officer of the Court" they were royal hand maidens or court ladies jimil nain - waited on the King and/or Queen and their family sangjeong - they managed and oversaw conduct, work and punishment of the Gungnyeo naesojubang - Gungnyeo department for preparing meals danryeong - "round-collar robe", often worn by noblemen and members of the council, ministries, or other officials. Ming - during the time of the Ming dynasty of China, they referred to the country as Ming hanbok - traditional/historical clothing, most people think of women's dresses, but men's clothes were called this as well. jeogori - the top/shirt part of a hanbok gat - this is the hat that noblemen would wear, more specifically the ones that were black and made of mesh. samo - hats worn by government officials seong-jung - area inside the fortress walls of Hanyang seongjeosimni - area outside the fortress walls of Hanyang jungin - Upper Middle Class citizens sokchima - basically a dress/skirt like undergarment yo - Korean floor mattress goreum - the ties that fastened a top of a hanbok sokbaji - pants-like undergarment, mostly worn by women under their chima

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Dakota Days Review

I got an ask requesting I post the Dakota Days review. The rest of the ask will be mega long so I don't want to just add on the review to the end and make it an even bigger read. So I'm posting this as its own free-floating thing.

So my deal is that in 2023 and 2024 I had enough time on my hands that I read a shitton of Beatle books (including most of the books in my big recommendation post, which I am still thinking about updating so keep in mind it hasn't achieved its final form.) I regularly talk these over with a friend and this review is mostly what I told her when she asked if she should read it or not. Either this will sell you on the book or it will not lol. I did some light editing for readability but otherwise it is mostly intact from the original post date February 13, 2023....good God, 2 fucking years ago!

Okay so Dakota Days. It's an account of John Green, also known as Charlie Swan who was a tarot reader that was close to the Lennons following John's return from his Lost Weekend.

Charlie states from the start that he is only trying to impart a snapshot of what it was like to live with John and Yoko during this time. He straight up admits that he has edited out certain parts of it to respect their privacy (and to cover his own ass as he did his fair share of scamming Yoko during this period.) He also straight up admits that he smushed together many years, events, and conversations in the book. He explains this very sensibly: while he claims a prodigious memory (which will prove not to be the case) he also says that he just spent too many years in John and Yoko's employment to recount all of them without boring the reader.

This is a very effective tactic. Charlie is deliberately telling us something that he is doing (editing the accounts of what happened) because it will make us trust him more. Being honest about misdoings you've done or will do tends to get people to like you more. This is what con artists do when they are trying to get people to fall for their schemes: they will tell you what they are doing and then they will do it. It is effective because it works. Charlie tells us that he is either misremembering or covering his own ass and because he does this we like him, which primes us to accept everything he says.

Charlie gets called up by Yoko only a few hours after John drags home. She renames him Charlie Swan because she knows John will be jealous of him having the same name. Charlie goes along with it because he knows Yoko is an easy mark; he claims in the text that he found John at Disney World of all places and that this is how Yoko ended the long weekend. Considering this is not how it happened we can guess that what Charlie actually did was pull the wool over Yoko's eyes and then claim credit for it. Again, a very effective tactic.

What happens next is really interesting: John feigns being poisoned. He's told Yoko that May poisoned him in his tea. Charlie reads the cards and they tell him "no way was John poisoned" and John leverages this to get Yoko out of the room. John picks Charlie's brain about the occult for a while and then lets him go home after a few hours.

Won't recount everything that happens next but I will say this: Dakota Days is the second half of the story about John's Dakota years and it compliments Fred's book perfectly. Fred depicted a manic John and a cold, distant Yoko. Charlie depicts a depressive John and an anxious Yoko in desperate need of hand holding at every single stage in her life. The amount of time and money that John and Yoko spend on con artists like Charlie as well as their other astrologers, mystics, and Korean herb healers is astounding. They were completely and utterly paralyzed with terror if they had to make decisions on their own. Indecisive, fretful, worried, anxious, Yoko straight up has a panic attack at one point because Charlie orders her to make a decision on her own and she almost dissolves into tears because she can't do it.

The funny part is I find none of these depictions at odd with one another. Yoko's imperious mask always hid the frightened baby underneath and John's aggressive ego always hid the broken hearted lover who wanted to be anywhere but where he was. Yoko didn't give Fred an "in" because he was a servant but she feared and respected Charlie so she could afford to be a broken little girl in front of him. John respected Charlie as a magician and hung on his every word. He didn't see a point in pretending to be something he wasn't like he did with Fred.

Charlie's big thing in the book is that he depicts himself as Spitting Straight Facts at John and Yoko. He condenses these into different conversations. For example, at one point Yoko takes John to Japan for a few months because she wants to convince him to live there full time. All of their clothes are packed according to what Charlie's tarot cards tell them are lucky to take. Yoko asks him to cast spells to keep John in a good mood. They plan out their journey to follow certain directions based on Japanese numerology that calculates the luck of cardinal directions. (Charlie cheerfully admits that this is outside of his education so he can't give an opinion on it. This is part of his set up, he doesn't have a problem admitting his weaknesses which makes him come off as more honest than he really is.)

It all goes wrong within two weeks: John hates Japan. Absolutely hates it. He hates having to entertain Yoko's family. He hates the hotels they are in. Yoko calls Charlie on the verge of tears and tells him that John is humiliating her in front of her family -- apparently Yoko's mother and sister called Yoko out on her bullshit and they accused her of accomplishing nothing with her art. (Holy shit, based?!) Yoko is desperate for John's wealth and status to impress her mother and tells Charlie, "I know what they say about me, they say that all I did was marry John and spend his money!" Which is of course absolutely true.

Yoko is desperate to win her mother's favor because she wants Sean to get a sizable piece of the inheritance but she was so disgusted with Yoko that she wouldn't even acknowledge Sean. (Brutal.) Yoko takes this personally because her sister Setsuko married a Westerner, a diplomat, and Yoko dissolves into hysterics over the phone demanding that Charlie tarot read for new, luckier clothes and have them air mailed to them. As far as I know, Charlie did it because it was an order and Yoko was paying his bills.

It gets worse though because John starts shuffling around like a zombie, moaning, whacking his head against the walls, etc. He tells Charlie that he's pretending to be dead. (I actually think I know what John was doing -- he probably absorbed some of Japan's pop culture about ghosts and he started imitating it.) This freaks out Yoko's family and her mother asked what the hell she was doing bringing this fucked up white guy to Japan. Charlie depicts himself as being the only person John can vent to which is something that I actually believe even though it probably didn't go down in precisely this way.

When Yoko tells John that they're going home soon, John perks up. He starts wooing Yoko's mother and makes nice with her. The funny part is that after all that, John actually succeeded in making Yoko's mother like him! Of course Yoko calls Charlie, again almost in tears, and tells him "John is doing it all wrong, he's being friendly with her, he's not holding her at a distance, he's buying her things and taking her out to fancy eateries!" Yoko is depicted as flat out hysterical in this conversation, enraged and upset that John charmed his way into her mother's good graces instead of making her submit by being ice cold and imperious (aka acting like Mimi) which dissolves her into anguish. And then, at the end of it all, Charlie says that Yoko is being ridiculous and it's a good thing that John is finally getting along with her mother. (Hittin' hard with that street wisdom!) Yoko is very bitter in response. After that chapter I thought, "man Charlie is putting up with a lot huh."

The entire book goes this way. It depicts a John that will make grand gestures towards Yoko (he has Charlie perform a "druidic" marriage ceremony to reaffirm his marriage to Yoko and Charlie has a GREAT time making shit up and forcing John to gather all this bullshit stuff that has nothing to do with Celtic traditions, Charlie's account is so so gleeful about making John dance like a monkey) but actively loathes her the rest of the time. Charlie outright states that their relationship is unhappy.

For example, when Sean was born, John was crazy with worry and made up the Dakota to be more comfortable for Yoko and the baby. But when Yoko finally came home she immediately handed Sean to the nanny (which John HATED, he tried to make her pick Sean back up because he was so upset) and went to her room after a huge fight with John. John then sat down with Charlie and bitterly vented about the fact that he knew Yoko didn't appreciate him and that he was furious that she smoked through her pregnancy and that she wasn't interested in Sean. He accuses her of making Sean sick which is probably true considering Yoko was probably on heroin through out the pregnancy! John is actually kind of stunning here because he is utterly pissed off at Yoko for putting Sean's health at risk and then snubbing John when she finally gets home. His breakdown when Yoko comes home is incredible. They have a baby that she hyped up to Charlie as a Messiah and then she didn't want him. And it still didn't make her love John. The despair in his words.

A lot of the conversations that Charlie depicts follows this pattern. At one point John gets so angry about Yoko's coldness that he picks a fight with her, gets in her face, and just starts screaming at her. She runs out of the room crying because she's frightened of him and then calls Charlie to do a tarot card reading on why John was so mad at her. Charlie speculates it's because she doesn't communicate well with John and he was trying to shake something loose. She goes on a long rant about why this can't possibly be the case because she's only doing what's best for him so please Charlie read the cards…. of course when Charlie spoke to John, John replied that he was angry that Yoko speaks Japanese because he doesn't understand what she's saying to the servants and he thinks that they're talking about him. He's paranoid and angry that she's doing something that he can't get involved with. So he started screaming at her and throwing cigarette packets at her.

At times like this, when Yoko and John are fighting, Charlie takes on an interesting role. He will tell them hard truths about their relationship that they don't like. When Yoko whines that John is being too independent in 1979, Charlie tells her that this is a good thing and that she should be happy that John doesn't need to be managed. He also tells her that she and John will be happier if they are independent of each other. This bounces off Yoko completely and she whines (Yoko is VERY childish in this book) that this isn't possible or safe because John is too stupid (!!) and naive (!!) to make decisions on his own.

Charlie very deliberately depicts himself almost as a marriage counselor to them. You can see his prodigious perfect memory fails him at these junctures because when he relays conversations, John and Yoko don't sound like themselves most of the time. But the funny part is, I totally believe it. I actually do think that Charlie Swan had moments where he gave his unvarnished opinion about JohnandYoko to John and Yoko. He could do this safely for a few reasons:

1) He knew they considered him superior to them. He successfully dug a foothold in their minds and had them both totally convinced that he was legit. They couldn't throw him out because he was their closest tarot reader and it looks like he also had a legitimate head for business because he was able to give them some good financial advice. All of this meant that they were in awe of him and neither of them wanted to go against what he said. They were completely at his mercy. In a way I think it's lucky that Charlie wasn't more malicious because he could have manipulated John and Yoko into doing some depraved shit if he felt like it. They both worshipped him completely. Independent sources verified that John called Charlie "the Oracle" and it wasn't all a jest.

2) Conmen are incredibly good at reading people. They see our weaknesses and they understand them. He had John and Yoko sized up the moment he met them. He realized John and Yoko were both inherently childish, very credulous, willing to believe anything, and that they would only take the easy way out. They wanted self improvement to come only at the cost of their check books. They loved spending money (I think they both had shopping addictions -- I know because I have a shopping addiction) and they didn't want to be disciplined in the slightest. In fact Charlie depicts several moments where outside parties force John and Yoko to be disciplined and they both react like children being forced to sit in the time out chair.

3) John and Yoko, being very petulant, lazy, and weak at this stage of their lives, were totally impervious to criticism. John at least admitted that he knew Charlie was right about certain things but Yoko always had excuses for why she couldn't give John a longer leash/respect him as her life partner, be nice to her mother (Charlie at one point straight up asks why she's being such a bitch to her mother and Yoko is full of pathetic excuses), spend time with her baby, etc. (She couldn't buy farmland on her own because she didn't know how to ascertain if any of the property was good, so she had Charlie do readings so she didn't have to take responsibility for it.) John and Yoko did not want to shoulder any kind of responsibility for anything at all. They are both depicted as sleepwalking through life, becoming outraged when anything temporarily waylaid them.

You could give them as many hard truths as you wanted and it would never take because they will never ever accept it or act on it or own their mistakes. John and Yoko are often at odds in the book, screaming and arguing with each other, John fucking things up on purpose for Yoko's family, but when it comes to Growing The Hell Up, they were a united couple saying "no the hell we will not!"

This is reading between the lines now but I think Charlie is straight up laughing at them at some points and he's letting us in on the joke. He knows that so long as they remain petulant and undisciplined, he will always have a job. So he can tell them honestly to their faces that they are bad parents, that they are a terrible couple, that John is a sullen asshole and Yoko is a whiny bitch, and they will never ever fire him. They will argue with him but Yoko will have him back in her bedroom in 15 minutes to get him to read tarot cards for her again.

A few things I found interesting:

Sean is not portrayed at all in the book. John once describes Sean as overly quiet and meek especially around John and John says it's because he knows Sean is frightened of him. Interesting that this is at odds with Fred's portrayal of Sean. However I actually feel a little soft towards Charlie Swan on this because I think he did it to protect Sean, the way he said he would protect the Lennons' privacy at the beginning of the book. I legit think he was shielding Sean because Sean under 18 when Charlie published this. I think he didn't want Sean to have to wrestle with being depicted in a memoir at that age. The Dakota situation is so fucked up that I legit believe that this expert scam artist might have been in the only moral person on John and Yoko's payroll. I say this because Charlie is absolutely fearless towards John and Yoko in this book so he clearly didn't give a shit about being sued for libel. So IMO he did it to protect Sean because Sean was only a child.

John goes in a 15 month depression in 1978 because Sean once asked him (after seeing one of their poor cats fall out of a window) what happened to the cat that died. John tells him that the cat went to the Land of the Dead because it fell, explaining that nothing can survive a fall out of a window that high. Sean apparently thought about it and said "then Daddy, why haven't you walked out the window?" Jesus Christ.

Charlie scolds John for being a shitty parent and tells him that Sean is just a kid and that he doesn't understand what he's saying. He's just repeating things that he's heard around the house, and if you read between the lines you can feel Charlie judging John and Yoko because Charlie understands that this exposure to the occult is fucking Sean up. John becomes very surly and asks him "how the hell do you know" to which Charlie replies "I studied art therapy and child psychology in college for my teaching degree." (Independent verification has proven that this is true!) John sinks even deeper into a funk that yet another person is proving to be more knowledgeable about John's children than John himself, and rolls over in bed, beginning a 15 month period where he won't see anyone. He just lays there watching tv with the sound off.

Yoko is constantly on edge. She's obsessed with what people think of her. Charlie describes 1979/80 as being very trying because Yoko constantly repeating the same questions for Charlie to read for, trying to divine what stories journalists will write about her next.

John is similarly obsessed with having a positive PR image. He's deeply upset that no one liked his Rock n Roll or Shaved Fish albums (because they don't have new material.) John spends an entire chapter moaning that he hates his audience because they don't love him enough. Then he admits that he thinks he owes them new material but that he won't commit to anything without having a decent stock of songs to burn through. Then he swivels back to piling more blame onto his audience and continues bitching that they don't love him enough to make up for the anguish that he feels all the time. He piled a lot of blame and resentment onto The Public for not being able to "fix" his sadness.

At one point Yoko wants to buy blessings/curses from an actual witch so they go to Brazil. They find a bruja and Charlie intimates to the audience that brujas are expert con artists in a class of their own. He relates that a bruja once sabotaged a building project at which time the builders invited her onto the property to do an """exorcism""" from which she made a tidy profit and they were able to resume building. (Charlie does not depict it in precisely this way but he relates the story in such broad ""magical"" terms that you can see him grinning, pointing, winking, and nodding at you from across the room. Charlie made it as obvious as he possibly could that he was totally fucking with these people and that he knew when other magicians were fucking with people as well.)

Yoko has to sit through a week of a Brazilian woman putting her through fake and expensive rituals, all while putting on a fake Jamaican accent??? Yoko is so dumb and desperate that she doesn't see through it. Charlie is incredibly contemptuous through out the section. He does have an interesting "magic" battle with the bruja (here called Nora, her actual name was Lena) where they size each other up and the bruja agrees to take Yoko on as a client. Eventually Yoko gets cold feet and begs Charlie for a way to get her out of the rituals because she's scared that Nora mentioned a "blood sacrifice" and Yoko doesn't want to kill someone.

To which Charlie replies: "Yoko, why don't you just tell Nora how you feel? You're the client, if you don't want to make a blood sacrifice then just ask Nora to do something different. I don't think she's going to kill a person but if you're that worried then you can tell Nora about your concerns and she'll either change it or explain what will happen. You're paying her, remember?"

Yoko dissolves into more hysterics. She's scared the bruja will put a curse on her or Sean or John. She's too anxious to ask for clarification or help. Charlie rolls his eyes through the entire section.

Then the actual ritual happens, Nora kills a dove (poor thing) and then tells Yoko to sign her name to sell her soul to…something? I actually didn't understand what, though Charlie told Yoko "it's impossible for you to sell your soul so just go along with it dumbass."

But Yoko melts down. She can't do it. She begs Charlie to sign on her behalf and it sounds like she was actually crying because she was so scared. Charlie and Nora both sigh but Charlie signs the document and Nora goes "okay, done!"

Yoko then asks Charlie "Hey did you sign Charlie Swan or John Green?" To which Charlie replies, "what makes you think I signed either of those names?" Yoko freaks out and follows him around going "What name did you sign?? Whose soul did you sell??? Charlie?!!!! Charlie!!!!" But he never tells her lmao. He is so fucking contemptuous of her, it's amazing. This sequence is Charlie Swan rubbing his superiority in Yoko's face with utter glee, and he completely gets away with it. She's too scared to argue with him.

Obviously Charlie doesn't talk about everything here. For example, he and Sam Green both pulled a fast one on Yoko by counterfeiting a painting and selling it to her -- her own boyfriend! It was a complete success, she paid them both handsomely for it. He doesn't talk about that here. But it's clear from the outset IMO that he lies his ass off about tarot reading through out the entire book and is able to do as well as he does because he does actually have some good business sense.

I have to be honest: I respect the fuck out of Charlie Swan. This man is a king. He scammed John and Yoko out of millions. He did so well that he could tell them how awful they were to their faces and they had no choice but to swallow it whole. They didn't have the sac to stand up to him. And he was kind enough to write this book and show us how he did it: by taking advantage of their fear, petulance, and refusal to grow up. Dakota Days is an amazing book.

I have decided that the rocknroll industry is one big trailer park and John and Yoko had the biggest trailer. John is straight up wandering around in a robe and curlers reading the astrology and Dear Abby sections of the newspaper, Yoko is knocking back forties wondering when she can upgrade to the younger model. Sean is their poor kid with a learning disorder that is doing the pyromaniac thing. Going to Swiss boarding school (so that Yoko didn't have to be reminded of John) is probably what straightened him out and saved him.

Not trying to diss trailer parks, I met a lot of nice people who lived in them when I worked insurance, so pulling more from sitcom trash here. But John and Yoko fought, a lot, like these types of couples always do (that anecdote of Pete Shotton's second phone call where Yoko is screaming her head off in the background. I live next to a trashy family like this.) Who knows what Sean heard and what he repeated because he was so young.

This is the book that convinced me that John retreated into the Dakota out of shame. He knew that being with Paul was the best thing that ever happened to him, the only good thing, and he fucked it up with drugs and untreated mental illness. Which sadly has to be hung around his own neck. He blew his life up for no reason and he hid because he knew that.

John thought there were only two options: go back to Yoko or eat crow and go back to Paul. He couldn't stand either but at least with Yoko he didn't have to dance for the press. It never occurred to him that he had options and could do anything.

[marshemillow]

Just learned about fucking baeddelism.

Was anyone going to tell me that tumblr was the creation site for a literal actual rape cult on the premise of making anyone who is not a trans woman look like The Enemy, or was I just supposed to find that out myself???

Guys. GUYS. Please, holy shit, can we just drop fucking radical feminism already??? There's nothing in it worth keeping!!! Like we're far past the cult score of mormonism at this point, we're WELL into heaven's gate levels of cult, and you still don't realize how wrong this ideology is?????

STOP TRYING TO MAKE "FUCK ALL MEN" WOKE!!! IT'S NOT WOKE!!! IT WILL NEVER BE WOKE!!! IT'S RADFEM BULLSHIT AND IT BELONGS IN THE TRASH!!!

Now, if you actually don't know much about this topic, you might be wondering WHY radfem ideology is so bad, even unrelated to the mistreatment of trans people? Well, remember that men and women are actually not so different. I love the story of the men who wrote the movie Alien who wanted to have a female protagonist, but none of them knew how to write a good, strong female character. So you know what they did? They wrote Ripley as a MALE character, and then just cast a woman to play her. You know why that worked?? BECAUSE MEN AND WOMEN ARE THE SAME!!! We are all just human beings who are born fumbling and making mistakes!!!

It was actually genius, because Alien was created by a man who believes that rape and forced birth are underutilized concepts in horror movies, and having it happen to male characters forced the audience to see the horror of it unrelated to the rampant misogyny of the time that technically persists to this day. It's no surprise to me that the male writers of the movie recognized their weakness in being unable to write a female character and basically life-hacked themselves into it by writing a good male character instead. Nintendo was even inspired by this angle, which is why Samus in Metroid is also a woman!

THAT'S why radical feminism is bad at its core. It's totally valid to have actual androphobia as a result of normalized violence by men against women, I'm sure it happens all the time, but the solution to that problem is NOT to lean into it until you start thinking of men as subhuman monsters incapable of kindness or love. Not only does that hurt men directly, it also hurts women by denying their abuse from other women!!! AND it denies abuse where men are the victims, even by other men and ESPECIALLY by women!!! Not to mention that it completely erases the identities of nonbinary and genderqueer people who exist outside the rigid gender binary.

And don't even get me STARTED on how radfems treat intersex people!!! Holy shit, that could be a whole post all on its own. Intersex people get so little recognition and are violently erased by all aspects of society, even the groups that should be including them in their activism!!! Radfeminism wouldn't be complete without intersexism, eh? They go together like peanut butter and jelly!!!

And one more sidenote is that radfems' first target was butch lesbians. That's right!!! Not even cis lesbians are safe from terf bullshit!!! So much of their ideology is just related to masculinity being evil compared to femininity, which is why even cis lesbians who hate men can still be targets for harassment. (Sound familiar?)

I honestly find it really ironic that so many trans women today still seem to hold baeddel or TIRF beliefs, because the people who suffered the most under the original baeddel movement were trans women. They were the ones who were subjected to heavy cult indoctrination, where they were expected to agree with the cult leaders with unquestioning obedience, even after the leaders raped them. This isn't to downplay the suffering trans men went through because of them of course, but I find it sickening that modern baeddels still act like no abuse even happened because trans women are "incapable of abuse," or even trying to erase the transfem identities of the victims. It's absolutely vile.

Anyway, fuck radfem ideology. If you're a man reading this post, I love you, I respect you, I see you, and I know you ALL are capable of doing good. I appreciate every man who feels inadequet, like they don't count as real men, like they need to bend over backwards to prove themselves to everyone, who feel like they can't cry or show emotion, who are subjected to bullying and harassment for being "sissies," whether under the patriarchy or under the shadow of radfeminism. You don't deserve to suffer, and I hope it gets better.

Remember that we should be hating IDEAS, not people. Feminism should be about equal opportunity for EVERYONE. If you think feminism should be about flipping the script so women are above men, you're doing it wrong.

And just in case the piss on the poor crowd finds this post again...I also hate incel ideology and think it's just as dangerous (maybe more so because of actual male privilege) as radfem ideology. They really are just two sides of a bullshit gender essentialist coin.

It doesn't mean anything btw if you say "terfs dni" but still say all of the same things they do. Just so you know.

[wittywords]

hi so a lil update. for those of you who don't know my whole thing is reading the oxford dictionary. like I'm not just picking random words on the internet, I actually plan to finish OED. I started last spring and I'm almost done with letter H (still haven't made the posts but I have the words saved in a document). it's going a bit slower that I wanted because I'm still in school but I want to finish it by the end of the year

there's also the problem with me not having an OED subscription which means that I can't see longer definitions. like the website only let's you see the beginning which sucks because I have a document full of definitions I need to complete. my plan is to wait until summer when I'll have more free time to pay for a subscription and search all those words. there's no way I'm paying for more than a couple of months I just can't afford that right now. because of it I'll probably start posting words starting with A again which is ruining the whole vibe of the blog but oh well what can you do

also when I'm done like DONE with everything I want to start making lists with words in different categories (like words that appeared in the 90s, love-related words, words starting with letter whatever, you get the idea). and maybe post some writing tips and resources as well in the meantime

I'm debating whether I should make a Patreon or make a blog with WordPress and earn money through ads. like on one hand I don't really like ads but on the other I know what it's like to be a young writer and rely on free resources posted by other writers and I don't want to put my stuff on Patreon and demand payment for other people to be able to read it, but I have over 3,5k followers and I had a link to my ko-fi for months in my bio and I haven't seen one dollar so relying on donations is out of the question

I spent over a hundred hours on this project and who knows how much longer it's gonna take me to finish it and I feel like I deserve to earn something after all this work. and also I need money. so yeah. tell me in the comments what you think

edit: I think I'm gonna go with the second idea and make a blog with WordPress or some other platform

[livixbobbiex]

Translating the Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney Fanbook! Article 1

So, I recently managed to buy one of the old fanbooks. This one is a compilation of magazine articles and blog posts written by Shu Takumi. It's also where a lot of the really iconic official promotional art pieces are from. I know that there are some translations out there of a few pages, but I don't think anyone has done the whole thing.

The pages are typically formatted with a written entry from Shu Takumi, followed by a dialogue between various characters. I will be posting the character dialogue first (even if not on the image page) as it's probably the most interesting. You can also access the full raw text and images here.

Dialogue on artwork

Phoenix: If you’re just hanging around, go home. 

Edgeworth: Hm, I’m thirsty. 

Phoenix: This isn’t a cafe. Maya, don’t serve him tea. 

Maya: Nick’s stinginess…

Dialogue page

In Wright and Co Law Offices: On the theme of ‘Summer’ 

We asked Mr Takumi about how things are going in the Wright and Co Law Offices recently! Are Phoenix and Maya still the same as ever…!?

Maya: Everyone, it’s been a while! I’m Maya Fey. 

Phoenix: Hello. I’m Phoenix Wright. 

Maya: We did it, Nick! We’re  finally making our magazine debut!  

Phoenix: We’ve got to get into the spirit of things here, don’t we. 

Maya: That’s right! Let’s get going! 

Phoenix: Should we start without delay? The theme is ‘Summer’. 

Maya: Summer, huh? Summer is… hot, isn’t it? Every day. 

Phoenix: You’re so normal all of a sudden. 

Maya: If you’re Japanese, it’s surely time for somen noodles and barley tea. 

Phoenix: They’re nice and refreshing. 

Maya: I made the mistake of dipping the noodles in barley tea and I was like ‘it’s flavourless!’. 

Phoenix: What's with that iffy failure story? 

Maya: Hey, hey. I wonder if Detective Gumshoe is also slurping up somen noodles today. 

Phoenix: I don’t think the season matters, in his case. 

Maya: The image of Detective Gumshoe and somen noodles has become completely stuck. 

Phoenix: That’s true for you too, Maya. With miso ramen, huh? 

Maya: I’m going for it this year. “Best Miso Ramenist.” 

Phoenix: A good idea? 

Maya: In any case, in the summer, light types of noodles are the best! 

Phoenix: …Speaking of which, what does Pearls like? In terms of noodle types. 

Maya: Ah, Pearl. She really loves soba. 

Phoenix: Oh. Good choice. Feels a lot like summer in Japan. 

Maya: Right, right. By the way, how about Prosecutor Edgeworth? 

Phoenix: Knowing him, he’d probably say something like spaghetti. 

Maya: Eh! That’s so normal. How boring. 

Phoenix: No, no. I don’t actually know much. It’s just my own image of him. 

Maya: In any case I would have thought that he’d like ‘kishimen noodles’ or something. 

Phoenix: Kishimen noodles…? 

Maya: Here. The flat noodle sticking out of his mouth would suit the frills he wears. 

Phoenix: ……I’ll recommend them to him next time. 

Maya: Well, well. What about you, Nick?

Phoenix: Me? What type of noodle do I like…

[TL note: this is hilarious because of the way everything is written. The line could literally read as ‘what kind of men do I like?’ and I’m not sure if intended].

Maya: You have one, don’t you?

Phoenix: I guess. Maybe vermicelli noodles. 

Maya: …What’s that? 

Phoenix: Ah. You don’t know?

Maya: I’ve never heard of it.

Phoenix: Baked vermicelli are delicious. The feeling of them sticking down my throat is indescribable. 

Maya: ‘Vermicelli’ doesn’t sound like the name of a noodle in the first place… 

Phoenix: It doesn’t matter, really. I like them. 

Maya: You know what? The image is important. The should call it something safe like “squid yakisoba”. 

Phoenix: …Why are you putting squid in it? 

Maya: If you attach it to an awkward image, you’ll have trouble like I did. 

Phoenix: Eh? But, you like it, don’t you? Miso ramen.

Maya: I like it a lot. This time of year too, I really want to eat chilled ramen. 

Phoenix: But you can still eat it. 

Maya: But, but. Won't everyone expect that of me? 

Phoenix: Expect it…? 

Maya: Like, “look over there. There’s Maya, with the same miso ramen as always.” 

Phoenix: …Haa. 

Maya: So then you’re slurping down ramen as a last resort. It’s really hot. 

Phoenix: That’s being excessively self conscious, Maya.

Shu Takumi article

Ace Attorney and Summer 

Takumi Shu (??): The director and screenwriter of ‘Ace Attorney’. Rumour has it he’s fueled by alcohol.

Nice to meet you. I’m Takumi Shu from the Ace Attorney team. I have responsibility for the planning, directing, and screenwriting for the three works in the series. On this occasion, I’m pleased I was able to greet everyone in this Dorimaga magazine. I hope that you will enjoy reading. 

Now, onto the theme of ‘Ace Attorney and Summer’. Thinking of summer… every year, it’s the busiest season. 

First… frantically writing proposals. 

Second… frantically scripting. 

Third… frantically making final adjustments. 

…These are my fundamental memories of summer. 

The series releases in October, which means that during this period each year, it’s our last scramble. By the way, the third game was released in January…. This is because that last scramble dragged on. 

In ‘Ace Attorney’, there’s actually only one story set in summer. ‘The First Turnabout' begins on the third of August. The details… aren’t particularly summery at all. There’s probably no themes like “the sea” or “bon festivals”.

It seems like we’re not very well versed with summer. I wonder why. Perhaps it’s because I have no air conditioner in my room, so I spend every day in a red-hot hell, cursing the world. If you fail to buy seasonal goods like that once, it’s hard to find the right time to get them. 

That’s about it for this volume. I would like a change from the feel official website column, at to make here more relaxed… or, rather, I think freer. Everyone, if you have any requests or questions, please send them to me here! 

Godot box 

Prosecutor Godot compilation: Showcase of various cut content. 

Here we showcase various cut content. First is Prosecutor Godot. Here are some rejected phrases extracted from my ‘punny lines notebook’, which I prepared when writing his hard-boiled lines. I hope you’ll read them out loud as you imagine the situation. (Takumi) 

….Trite. You look like… a begging monk too naive to steal a kiss from the courtroom goddess. 

A man’s worth is determined by the smile he shows in his last moments. …Look. The coffee… smiles bitterly… 

[mountainclimbingnerdynurse]

Since tgr is coming out next week, here's some long random thoughts I have:

-Jean only has a driver's licence so he could travel on away games. Tetsuji took/ locked away Jean's passport when he arrived in the US, but he needed government ID to fly for away games. It is given to Ichirou with the new deal. The perfect court were never taught any other life skills, so I don't see why they would've been taught to drive if they weren't taught to cook.

-When he starts traveling to away games with the Trojans, they find it odd that he doesn't have a passport. This finally leads them to a Google search that leads to a human trafficking page. Then they realize Jean ticks off most of the boxes (name change, no passport, forbidden interaction with the public, forbidden language, deferring to another (Tetsuji and Riko when he was a Raven), physical wounds/ scarring, etc). (I also imagine Jean to have a Moriyama brand on his heel where no one can see who didn't know to look there. . .)

-Jean is 100% an exy prodigy. Tetsuji wouldn't've just bought some random kid from a foreign country. Jean must've been incredible to catch his eye and make the money and the fuss of international adoptions worth it. And that was him as an untrained child. With the training from the Ravens, he's one of the best players in the game. When he plays healthy, unhurt, and supported with the Trojans, I think he's the best in the game. I'd love to see him easily scoring from the backline. It becomes a trademarked move that no one else can pull off. The ERC has to have special meetings at the end of the season to assess if they should alter the official rulebook to forbid backliners from scoring. (They don't.)

-I can't remember who first posted the idea, but I do think that Jean's father sex trafficked him as a child. (One doesn't jump straight to selling their kids to the mafia without building up to it first). Riko finds out and is upset that Jean is 'used goods'. This is what Jean is begging forgiveness for when Riko sends him into the other Raven's beds. (Also for looking at Kevin in the changeroom, obvs)

-Jeremy is just a normal dude with normal dude problems. He isn't allowed out during the week. Maybe his big scandal is just that he's not that academically inclined. If he was into drugs or hard-core partying, he wouldn't be allowed out on the weekends. Maybe he was on academic probation, or maybe his grades just weren't up to his parent's standards. At most there was a sex scandal in his first year when he was in first year and exploring his sexuality, resulting in the 'floozies' jokes. His mum and stepfamily are definitely homophobic, though.

-Elodie's death occurred at vaguely the same time as Jean's first suicide attempt. When he learns this, Jean blames himself for her death. He believes that because he 'forgot his place' and tried to escape his fate as a Moreau, Elodie was punished for it.

-Jean will attempt suicide in tgr. Nora said she'd drag Jean back to life, no matter how much he didn't want it. She also said tgr is sadder than tsc. It will happen for one of two reasons. 1) he's too low now. Being with the Trojans shows him that he is a person and he can decide his own fate. Kevin and Riko don't get to tell him when to live or die. Maybe he realizes that he didn't deserve everything he's been through, and feels trapped by the deal with Ichirou. 2) he makes an infraction against his addendum to his contract with the Trojans. Maybe he is rude to a reporter. Maybe he gets a yellow card (I don't really want any red cards. . .). Either way, he feels like his contract is void and that he'll be kicked off the team, and therefore his life is forfeit, so he decides to beat Ichirou to the punch.

-If that does happen, and if Jeremy does have a sibling who committed suicide, he's the one to find Jean. But Jeremy freezes and panics, and it's up to someone else to call EMS/ provide first aid. And then neither Jean nor Jeremy are in positions to help eachother through the aftermath. Cat and Laila carry them both.

-If Jean acquires a new hobby (other than pottery, cooking, and motorbikes), it should be gardening. That boy clearly loves the outdoors, and appreciates life. He should get to grow some pretty flowers, and enjoy the soil beneath his nails and the sin on his skin.

-The Ravens blame Jean 1000% for their downfall. This results in death threats/ mean letters from Ravens fans. At the regular season Ravens v Trojans, they injure Jean to the point of hospitalization (he plays throught the match and it isn't until a few days later that the team realizes something is wrong. This is when the Trojans realize Jean can't be trusted regarding his health status, and that he was playing every game as a Raven injured). At the championship game, it results in straight up attempted murder. (The Ravens still get knocked out in the early rounds) (I'm not the same as I was by perchancetosleep is probably my favourite fic ever, and goes along with this idea)

-I don't really love the idea of us knowing the person Ichirou is engaged to. However, someone posted that they thought maybe it was Elodie. I don't love that, nor do I think a Moriyama would marry property. However, he might marry someone with more influence, say, a Senator's daughter. If Ichirou marries someone we've already been introduced to, I could see it being Annalise. Because of their slightly estranged relationship, Jeremy had never met his future brother-in-law, and was seeing him for the first time on TV. I don't really think this could nor should happen, but it would make for some very interesting family get-togethers when all the ?Knoxes bring their plus ones. . . (Obviously Jean goes with Jeremy)

-my random headcanon: Jean only really heard other team's fight songs in his time as a Raven. He doesn't understand the floozies' love of TV, but he gets really into music. When he's happy, he sings softly to himself.

[bidisasterevankinard]

Inspiration Saturday

Today was really productive day! I was inspired for two new wips(my old wips and my brain cry yeah). Anyway, meet actor Buck and basketball player Tommy that was inspired by Oliver's all star game, and the baby trapping (with a twist where Tommy traps himself with Buck's baby) inspired by my post and tags

Moodboards and edit for actor/player

Little snippet for baby trapping:

"Do you want to feed her?" Evan asks, not looking at him checking the temperature of the bottle.

"I don't know how to do it," Tommy confesses sheepishly.

"I can teach you."

And what can Tommy do except agree?

And long under cut for actor/basketball player:

After rubbing his eyes five times and rereading the short post - Going to coach a team blue. Who should be in it?- on his screen a dozen more times, Buck calls Eddie.

His manager can do anything he wants, sell his ass or soul to whoever he needs to. But Buck will play.

The second the call connected he’s throwing his words at the man.

“I need you to put me in an ‘all star celebrity game’. Blue team.”

Eddie is silent and Buck checks his phone to see the call wasn’t disconnected. 

“Hi, Buck. I'm fine, thanks for asking,” finally the bitchy answer comes, and Buck rolls his eyes.

Doesn’t Eddie understand that life or death matters?

“Eddie, I'm not playing. I must play it this year. In blue time.”

“Why?”

“Because of Tommy Kinard, duh,” he answers.

“Ok? You know you sound like a teenager right now? What if I will put you under home arrest?”

“Eddie, you won’t!”

“Annoy me more and I will, young man,” Eddie says in his dad voice.

“We’re the same age!”

“And yet, I’m the mature one,” Eddie deadpans and Buck shrugs. Maybe Eddie is more mature. Buck won’t let him win. “Anyway, why is it so important for you to be in Kinard’s team? Besides him being one of the best players of the last fifteen years?”

“Tommy Kinard was my bi awakening when I was 15 and was watching him play. I saw that man running, his dick jumping in those shorts and I was like ‘yeah, I want to bounce on it’,” Buck licks his lips opening his tumblr on the laptop and checking the latest gif of that monster jumping in Kinard's shorts during the last game.

Damn, Buck wants to be destroyed by it.

“Too much information,” Buck can hear Eddie growing in disgust. 

“I'm sorry. But now you understand why? I must meet him Eddie. I want him to train me for that game.” 

“You want to meet your celebrity crush? Why do I feel it's not just platonic?”

 “Because it's not. I wanted to bounce on that dick for ten years. And I finally have a chance,” Buck rolls his eyes again. 

How does Eddie not understand? Would he not fuck the actresses from one of his telenovelas if he had a chance?

 “Why are you so sure you're his type? He can be straight.” 

“Eddie, Tommy Kinard came out two years ago. And I saw men he likes. I AM his type. And I will bounce on that dick. If not before the game then after. But I'm sure I will bounce on that dick the night after our first meeting. 

“Can you please stop talking about bouncing on his dick and I promise you're on the team?” Edddie basically begs and Buck takes pity on him.

 “Deal.”

 “Good. And don’t forget protection for your leg,” Buck agrees and then Eddie, with a smirk Buck can hear, adds, “and condoms.”

Buck laughs.

 “Don't worry about it, dad. I promise not to get pregnant.”

“Keep the daddy issue for Kinard.”

“Ah, do you think he would love me calling him daddy?”

Buck feels his dick throbbing in interest and bites his lip, not to traumatize Eddie.

“BYE, BUCK!”

Eddie drops the call and Buck just shrugs, opens his laptop, with his favorite video of all the best shots of Kinard’s dick - he’s not the only fan of that obscene thing - and takes the lube and dildo out.

He should train for the real game.

Np tagging @hippolotamus @mmso-notlikethat @quintessenceofdust88 @theotherbuckley @powersuitup @diazsdimples @typicalopposite @laundryandtaxesworld @lavenderleahy @leashybebes @midsummersmorn @monsterrae1 @weewookinard @ravipanikking @racerchix21 @devirnis @agentpeggycartering @aringofsalt @bi-buckrights @pirrusstuff @setmeatopthepyre @hyperfocusthusly @epiphainie @loucifersbitch @repressedqueen @perfectlysunny02 @bigfootsmom @bewilderedbuckley @diazheartsbuckley @aplaceinme @cliophilyra and anyone who wants to