#i don't know how to describe what i felt when i opened onto a page he had bookmarked | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

serraphinm · 14 days ago

Text

☾ Chapter 3 - The Darkness ☾

Notes: This is one of my favorite chapters. I had a lot of fun writing the relationships between the characters and such. You can imagine any outfit however you want if you don't like the ones I describe. Enjoy!

WC: 11k

Warning: Violence and gore. Proceed with caution!!

Taglist: @bready101

Rain pours onto my window and balcony... I had the balcony doors open cause I liked the smell of the rain. Kinda reminded me of her. It's been two moons since everything went down in court. My maids seemed concerned, but it hurt even more knowing one was faking it. Oren and I officially broke off our engagement two weeks after everything went down so things could settle. We even became friends. As my friend, he decided that since it was raining, we should read with warm blankets and drink any drink our little hearts desired. A book is open on my lap; I flip the page with a sigh.

"What's got you all down?" he asks, sipping his tea. Oren was surprisingly fun to be around, and I found myself happy we were friends. I'd come to trust him a little, so maybe it couldn't hurt to tell him about Ellie.

"Let's say I wasn't entirely straight …" I start off slowly, unsure how he'll react.

"Ok…" He looks at me like he's confused about how that matters. I huff and roll my eyes at him.

"Alright, and let's say… I like this girl.."

"Can't relate, but alright," I look at him weirdly before continuing.

"And she… doesn't love me back….."

"Wait, is this about Prince Ellie?" He asks, sitting up straight.

"What- how the fuck did you-"

"Ha! Knew it. My gaydar is never wrong."

That was the thing about Oren. He didn't seem all that straight to me either, but I didn't want to comment on it. Plus, I felt rude for just assuming.

"Your gaydar..? Seriously? What about me set off the alarm bells??"

"You look at that woman like she hung the moon. You kept her letters. Your style is impeccable, and you started listening to AC/DC just 'cause she told you it was good music, which was a big fat lie. Led Zeppelin is way better." He says, listing things off on his fingers. I throw a pillow at him, and he smiles.

"My point is… It was obvious to me, but it won't be obvious to others. The only thing is the letters. Where did you put those, by the way? I saw you carry them out of the courtroom?" he asks, taking another sip of his tea. I sigh, glance at the fireplace, and stick my tongue in my cheek.

"Might've.. Set them on fire.." I mutter. He looks at me like I'm crazy and sets his tea down.

"Bad breakup? You never get over your first…" He mutters that last part, but I still catch it.

"Shut up; we didn't break up; she just-"

"Said you were 'good friends' in front of a courtroom."

"Will you knock it off!" I say, throwing another pillow at him. This time, he catches it and grins.

He sets the pillow down and says, "Look… I know it may not seem like it… But I get it.."

I slowly look back up to him, confused. "What do you mean? Have you ever been in love?"

"Yup.. still am.." He says softly, looking at the ground.

"It's not right?" I ask, looking at him suspiciously. He looks up and glares at me for the first time in our whole friendship.

"I'm gay, Y/n."

"Hi Gay, nice to meet you," I say, grinning at him.

This time, when he throws a pillow at me, I squeal.

"What are you, my dad?" He asks, grabbing another pillow.

"No… you're dad would've called you a fag and beat the shit out of you."

"Ow… no need to get realistic on me here."

"Right, sorry.. At least you have parents."

"Come on…." He says, holding his arms out in frustration.

We burst out in laughter and he relaxes back into the couch.

"Seriously, though, I support you… Who are you crushing on, though?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows.

His face and ears turn a distinct pink. "Well…you know your aide? The one with the black curly hair..?"

"NAKIR?? You like-" His hands are covering my mouth in an attempt to shut me up. I pull his hands off and look up at him.

"That's so cute!! I can find out if he's into men for you." My offer echoed in the room, his face turning a deep red.

"Will you shush! I don't want anyone else to know."

I hold my hands up in mock surrender as he sits back down.

"Ehem, yes, it's Nakir." He sips his tea again and sighs. "I know he's into men, but I just can't get the courage to ask him out."

"Well, I'm not sure how to help you out there… As I'm terrible at it, too.."

We both just sit and sulk for a while when I break the silence.

"Look, how about we both just do our best from here on out. If something good happens or a chance appears… We take it."

Oren looks at me like I'm weird again before sighing. "Alright.. I suppose that'll work for now.."

"So, how has work been?"

"Seriously, you're bringing up work, of all things?"

"Well- I'm curious, alright… It's odd having a Duke that's actually on my side."

"I'm just glad I didn't inherit his cold, dead eyes," Oren says, fiddling with his teacup.

"You know Nakir has cold dead eyes… you sure you're not into that?"

"They're not cold and dead. They're just emotionless." He argues.

"Uh huh.. If you say so."

Bumping into Ellie after that mess of a court is the most awkward and painful thing I've ever done. She says nothing, yet her expressions scream, and all I want to do is get rid of the awkward silence. It happened again today as I walked through the halls of the palace. I decided to go to the library to see what it was all about so I could read about previous queens and how they ruled. Having a plan to change things and actually changing things were, well… two very different things. I turn the corner. Ellie almost runs me over with how fast she's walking. She seemed upset by something, but I didn't dare ask what.

She looks me in the eyes, and I see her own widening. As she takes a step back, I get a good look at her. Her hair was unkempt, more so than usual, and she had bags under her eyes. The sleepless night kind.

We both say nothing for a moment before we both start at once.

"I-

"You-"

Instead of being mature and talking to her like an adult, I decide I'm done with this conversation.

"I need to get to the library… Excuse me.." Obviously, I avoid her eyes and walk around her like some sort of coward before making a beeline for the library. I sigh as I enter the library, my heart heavy. Just moons ago, she was my everything… Now, I'm left picking up the scraps of what once was. I just wanted her back. The library suddenly felt a million miles away, and I wished for nothing more than to rewind to a better moment, to say the right things, to bridge the ever-growing distance between us.

But that was an ever-growing fever dream.

Another few weeks go by, and I've made more changes to my council and even parliament. I was one step closer to making my kingdom something I was proud of. So far, I hadn't been able to determine which one of my maids betrayed me, and I was getting no step closer. Whichever one of them it was had talent in the acting field. When I subtly asked any of them about it, they all gave me accurate answers that I couldn't diffute. Whoever it was would eventually feel my wrath.

Mulling over my thoughts in bed before sleep had become somewhat of a routine for me. So, like every night, I was thinking with my eyes closed. I was also maladaptively daydreaming a bit, too, if I may. However, tonight was… different.

There was a draft that I hadn't felt before, and my skin had goosebumps. I go to open my eyes when I hear movement and a click. Someone was on my balcony… and they had a gun. Reaching under my pillow ever so slowly, I wrap my hand around the dagger handle I kept under there. I open my eyes in the dark room and see three silhouettes. My eyes were already adjusted to the dark, but theirs weren't, so I had to be quick. I roll off the bed and throw my pillow off the bed in the other direction. I land as quietly as I can when a suppressed gunshot goes off. Looking under my bed, I glance to the other side and see feathers everywhere. Suppressing my fear, I crawl over to the nearest couch and hold my dagger high off the ground so it doesn't scrape. I wished I had my phone to call for help, but there was no use in wishing right now.

I had to think this through. There are three armed people in my room with weapons, and they are trying to kill me. If I take one out, the other two will surely kill me. But I couldn't go down without a fight. Maybe if I could make it to the balcony and jump down? The two guards down there were good, but I wasn't sure of the skills these three had yet. I may be safer hiding for now.

One of them creeps to the balcony door and closes it.

Fuck.. that only left two options, kill the three of them or leave through the front door somehow. My chances weren't looking good. If I wanted any information, I'd need to keep one of them alive. Deciding on what to do, I move to a crouch around the couch as they walk through my room. One of the bastards walks into my walk-in closet and steals a pair of my underwear, and I feel myself get red in the face. I was killing that motherfucker first. One stays near the balcony door, while the other stays in my closet, looking for me. Lucky for them, they were going to. My legs shake slightly as I maneuver around my room to the closet. I manage to get behind him and stand before I stab him in the neck. Blood pours from the wound, and I cover their mouth to keep them quiet. I pull the dagger out and hear the sloshing sound it makes before I gag.

Holy shit, I just killed someone.

My whole body shakes as I pat them down and take his suppressed pistol. Quietly, I let out a shaky breath and sneak back out of the closet. All they had on them were bullets and gum, oddly enough. The two other men seemed to have grown impatient and decided to come over. I just barely hide behind a couch when one of them flicks on their flashlight.

"Holy shit. I thought you said this was gonna be an easy job!" One whisper yells.

"They told me it would be! One of her little bitches was gonna leave the balcony unlocked, and we'd just shoot her and leave." The other replies. While they keep talking, I sneak my way to the door. I'm almost there when they come out of the closet and spot me. I screamed as loudly as I could, and they ran over to me.

"You! What the fuck did you do to Bram!" He says as he takes me by the arm and drags me to my feet. I drop my dagger, and he yanks the gun from my other hand. I pull as hard as possible, but his grip is too firm. "With a name like Bram, he had it coming," I say before spitting in his face. If I was dying tonight, I was going out my way. He grumbles, "You bitch.. You're coming with us," and turns me around so my back is pressed up against his chest. His grimy hand covers my mouth, and he nods to the other one. They begin to drag me to the balcony, and I kick and fight as hard as I can. Thinking this is it, I start to sob and scream one last time.

The man dragging me cuffs my wrists, gags me, and hauls me over his shoulder when the door slams open. I can't see who it is, but I decide it can't hurt to try to wiggle my way down. Slamming the metal of the cuffs against his back, the man groans but doesn't let me go. The person who just came in is now getting shot at by these two, and I worry for their safety. I don't hear them get hurt, though. The two remaining men cease their fire to reload.

"Fuck now there's someone else."

"We need to leave. Now. Get her out of here."

But before they can take me any further, the man holding me shot in both legs with a suppressed pistol. He cries out in pain and drops to the floor, me along with him. Once on the floor, I try and roll away.

"For fucks sake, I'm done with this bullshit." The remaining man says, and he aims the gun at me. I see my life flash before my eyes when suddenly a bullet goes through his forehead. He falls to the floor in front of me, and I scream into the gag. Someone puts a hand on me, but I jump and try to get away. I realize it's my savior and look up to see Ellie. She looks down at me, terrified, and looks me over once.

"Are you hurt anywhere??" Panic fills her voice, and she pats me down everywhere. I shake my head, and she grabs her switchblade from her jeans pocket. She slices the gag off me in the back and immediately pulls me into her. For a moment, I feel nothing… but a few seconds later, it all comes flowing out. I sob into her till my mouth is dry. She pulls me onto her lap and, with one hand, grabs the handcuff key from the dead assassin. A click sound follows, and she tosses the handcuffs somewhere before wrapping both arms around me. I was getting blood on her green button-down. My chest felt constricted, but I needed to thank her. I needed to say something.

"Ellie-"

"Breathe normally first. Then we will talk, " she says softly as she looks me over once more. Guards barge into the room and, along with them, light, light on the whole situation.

Three dead bodies.

Three lives taken.

My breathing becomes irregular, and I grasp Ellie's shirt tightly. The world spins, and I can't breathe. Deep, shaky breaths find their way to me before suddenly I'm gasping for air.

Three dead bodies

Three lives taken

One by my hand

I start to whisper it. "Three dead bodies… three lives taken… one by my hand."

I'm sobbing uncontrollably, and no one's voice reaches my ears. I feel a grasp, a pull, but it doesn't register.

"…reathe Breathe Y/n…"

I was trying, wasn't I?

I feel a hand on my back, and suddenly, my senses are filled with pine and bergamot, some weed, rain, and Mother Earth. Big gaping breaths become slower and more controlled as I inhale all that is Ellie.

I needed the darkness again. In the darkness, the light couldn't reach me.

Footsteps surround me, and orders are being yelled, but my head is still foggy. Fingers wipe my face. A forehead kiss so soft and gentle, given by Ellie to me. My mind clears enough for me to whisper, "I want the darkness again.."

Ellie stares into my eyes as more tears flow out of my own. She wraps her arms underneath my knees and my upper back and stands. Too weak to argue or protest, I just let her carry me and rest my head on her shoulder. She leaves my room and goes to hers, where it's dark and empty. I relax a little, yet I'm still shaking uncontrollably. The darkness is so intense here that I can't see anything, unlike my room. I feel Ellie shift, and she sets me fully on her bed. She goes to let me go, and I grab onto her and hold on for dear life.

"Don't worry..just grabbing you a clean shirt and closing the canopy.. promise.."

She whispers, and I slowly let go. I try to follow where she goes but can't see because it's so wonderfully dark in here. A drawer opens somewhere to the right of me, and I hear Ellie's footsteps. She sits back down on the bed and fiddles with the hem of my shirt.

"May I..? Don't worry, I can't see you. We just gotta get this blood-soaked night down off…"

I nodded before realizing she couldn't see me and inwardly facepalmed. I wasn't wearing anything underneath, but it didn't matter.

"Yea.." I say softly. My shirt is gone instantly with a type of skilled practice I don't want to know about. Soft fabric covers me once again, and I smell a bit of pine on this shirt, too. Maybe it was a cologne she used or something.

"Better…?" Her voice is soft; I can tell she's trying to soothe me.

"Mhm.. I.. thank you, Ellie…" I whisper.

I wished I could see her face, but for now, I was happy to hear her soft reply, "No problem… Get some sleep, Y/n.."

I yawned and lay down in Ellie's bed, in her shirt, next to her. It was a dream come true after such a nightmare. It took a while for me to fall asleep, but when I finally did, I certainly didn't remember a thing about it.

The next morning, I woke up with my head on Ellie's neck and my legs wrapped around hers. Realizing the position I'm in, I open my eyes and panic. I needed to leave before Ellie woke up anyway. Slipping out from our position, I sneak out and make my way to the door. Walking around the castle in just Ellie's shirt and some pajama shorts, I realize I have nowhere to go. Cursing, I decided to see the General and speak with him about what had happened the previous night. Knocking on his door, I fiddle with Ellie's shirt. The door suddenly opens, and a butler I've never seen before stares at me in shock before bowing and flustering together apologies. I mutter forgiveness before he moves out of the way and motions for me to enter. General Roe sits at his desk, flicking through papers with a concerned look when I walk in. When he sees me, he immediately stands up and bows to me.

"Your Majesty. I'd like to start by saying how sorry I am that this has happened. We're investigating it right now as we speak." "Thank you for the apology. Can you give me a.. Summary of what transpired last night..?"

He straightens up and motions for me to sit, "Of course. Where would you like me to start?"

"Start with how it happened," I say, sitting down. He follows and straightens the papers on his desk once more before clearing his throat. "They snuck in through the balcony, as I'm sure you already know. However, they killed the guards that were posted there instead of sneaking around them. This tells you they were after your life and possibly to bring you back somewhere with as little risk as possible. They couldn't afford to be caught, so they eliminated the risk instead."

So even if I had made it to the balcony, those men wouldn't have been able to save me. That makes me shiver, and I see a look of concern pass the General's face.

"I see… my condolences to your men.." Sorrow laces my voice as I express my sympathy.

"I'll tell their families, Your Majesty…As for what happened last night… If you can.. Could you explain what happened from your point of view?" His face is etched in concern, but I take a deep breath.

I explained what had happened from beginning to end in as much detail as possible. General Roe seems shocked that I killed a man, but he looks furious when I tell him how one of my maids left the balcony unlocked.

"Why, I ought to have each of them interrogated!" He says, banging his fist on his desk furiously.

"I've been trying to figure out who it is on my own, but I've had no such luck… Perhaps we could avoid hurting them while still figuring it out..?" I ask, a little scared for the innocent three.

General Roe sighs and rubs his temples in frustration. If I didn't know any better, I'd say his salt-and-pepper hair got even whiter.

"I will do my best, Your Highness… But until then, you'll need four new maids… I will have background checks done immediately." "Thank you.. I know I'm asking a lot."

"Yes, so I hope you don't mind me changing an aspect of your safety. I feel it would be beneficial for you to have a guard stationed with you at all times. It'll be the same person, so they'll get quite comfortable with you."

It wasn't the best outcome, but it wasn't the worst either. Hopefully, they were kind.

"Alright.. I suppose I'll allow it." I huff and stand. This meeting had been rather productive so I was happy with the outcome.

"Where will I be staying in the meantime?" I ask.

He looks up from the paperwork once more and smiles, "The king's quarters. Since there is no king right now, the room is empty. The head maid has already decorated it to your liking, so it should look quite similar."

"Right.." I'd have to thank the head maid, "And what about my maids for the time being?"

"I'll have them sent over right away. We have some safe options still of course. I'll take good care of your old ones, I promise." He says, bowing his head before looking back up at me.

"Thank you, General Roe.."

"Thank you for not firing me, Your Majesty." His grin is contagious, and I find myself smiling.

I nod once to him before I leave and head to the king's room or my temporary room. My new maids come around about five minutes after I get there myself and begin moving my things and bringing me food. Memorizing four new names and faces was going to be… annoying, to say the least. It felt weird to yet again have complete strangers be in charge of so much regarding my life.

A few hours later, I'm in new clothes and have had a deep exfoliation bath. My skin was still red, a little from how hard I scrubbed it. I was hesitant in fear that It had been poisoned, but they tested it for anything before I ate. Eating came easy when the first bite went down, and I didn't immediately kick the bucket. As soon as I take the last bite, a hard knock sounds at the door, and before one of the new maids can open it, Ellie barges in and rushes over to me.

"Did you just kick down my door? What the-"

"First of all! Why didn't you wake me up?! " she yells, waving her arms a little in a frustrated manner. I take a dainty sip of my tea and look up at her sweetly. "Whatever do you mean, Ellie?"

She glared down at me and glanced at the new staff before looking back at me and motioning for them to leave. I could tell she was a bit upset, which was fair, considering we still had much to discuss.

"Ladies, I need a moment."

One protests, "But-"

"Out," I say seriously. She immediately turns red in the face, curtsies, and rushes out of the room like a dog with its tail between its legs. I sigh and turn back to Ellie.

"Alright, go on.. They're gone."

"I'm sorry for yelling…but I was so worried when you woke up and weren't there I-"

"I'm sorry too Ellie.. I should've at least left a note. I sincerely apologize.." I say in a genuine tone of voice.

She visibly relaxes, and I watch her go from upset to concerned.

"How are you doing"

I feel spit go down my neck as the silence thickens. "Could be better.. I um.. I'm avoiding closets for a bit, I think.."

She nods in understanding and does that thing where she fiddles with her fingers.

"What you did for me last night, Ellie-"

"Don't."

She says suddenly, and I furrow my brows in confusion. She maneuvers the chair next to me so the back of it leans against her front, her arms resting on it as she stares at me.

"Don't what?"

"Don't thank me for doing exactly what you would've done for me." She says quietly.

"I should still thank you-"

"And you have.." Interrupting always pissed me off, but it seemed Ellie doing so was the exception.

"Fine… instead, is there anything I can do to repay you?" Her eyebrows raise, and she gives a pondering look before saying, "Come with me to Jackson."

This time, I was the confused one. "Ellie, are you sure those guys didn't somehow hit you in the head? I can't just.. Pack up and leave Midiri… I'm the Queen."

She rolls her eyes and huffs, "Yea, I know that you dork, come just for a little while… as like a diplomatic thing…"

"Why are you suddenly bringing this up-?"

"Joel found out about what happened… And he wants me home. I can't refuse his direct orders, " she says bitterly as she messes with her fingers again. My heart drops, and I realize I am now losing Ellie, too.

"No.. No… you're joking, right? Ellie, tell me you're joking."

"Come with me." She pleads, taking my hands in hers.

"We can keep you safe in Jackson until things are quieter here. It'll be the perfect getaway…Jackson is in the mountains, and I can show you so many things."

I stand and begin to pace. "Just..in Jackson.. With you… Dina..and.. Jesse?"

"And Joel..I joke about him being annoying all the time, but he's not all that bad. I'm sure he'd love you."

"Jeez, it's like you're taking me home to meet the family.." I mutter.

"What?"

"Oh.. nothing.. Anyway, when do you have to leave?"

"….tomorrow…." Her voice is slightly squeaky as she says it as quietly as possible.

"What!! Tomorrow!?"

She stares at me with that sheepish grin of hers, and I give her my best glare.

"Look, I didn't know until Jesse gave me his letter this morning. Apparently, he got word almost immediately. I wonder if he has a spy here… He probably does..whatever, the point is I gotta go, and you should come with me."

She rambles, and I almost miss the spy thing before blinking a few times to get it all to register.

I turned on my heel and stared at the floor for a second. This was pretty big. Going to another country as a royal for the first time when I was still freshly crowned was a massive safety concern. However, I trusted Ellie and wanted to go with her. Things could settle down here, and I would get a vacation out of it.

"I'll go on one condition," I say, turning to her once more.

"Anything." Well, damn, I didn't expect her to say that so fast.

"I want King Joel to know and be ok with it."

Ellie grins, and my eyebrows furrow. "He's already asked that you come with me." She boasts about it as if it were some major accomplishment.

"Fine.. then I'll come," I say with a small smile. She jumps up from her chair and tackles me into a hug.

"Fuck yea! Let's go pack right now; we gotta-"

"Woah Woah Ellie… I gotta let so many people know it may take a while."

"Man fuck those people, you're coming to Jackson!"

I roll my eyes but smile. "Yes, I'm coming to Jackson… Just give me two hours, alright?"

"Ugh, fine. But I'm timing you, " she says before she kisses my cheek and heads to the door.

"See you in two hours!"

I stare at the door in shock and shake my head. What was I going to do with her…

The trip to Jackson went very well, and I even got to fly in a private jet for the first time. Ellie nervously insisted I stay by her side to "keep me safe," as she said, but I wasn't buying it. I think she was just excited to show me her home. We hop in a limo, much like the first one I was ever in, and head to Jackson Castle. Ellie told me it was considered a castle instead of a palace because it was so much older than most things around here. That and it was mostly a military fortress instead of a home.

Once inside, we make our way to the throne room, where King Joel sits on a throne. He was exactly as Ellie had described—so much so that I had to stifle a laugh. Sitting on the throne, he looks utterly bored and is currently wearing flannel, jeans, and muddy horse riding boots. It didn't seem to be out of rudeness, as no one blinked an eye at it. Meaning he wore that in most situations. I smile and curtsey to him.

"Hello, King Joel. It's an honor to make your acquaintance." Lifting my head, I see he's not even looking at me and is walking over to Ellie.

"Just Joel is fine." He says gruffly before looking Ellie up and down as if looking for injuries.

"You alright kiddo?" Joel asks, ruffling her already unkempt hair. She swats at him, and he gives her a smug grin.

"I'm fine, Joel. Now knock it off." Rolling her eyes at him, she glances at me.

"Right.. Joel, this is Y/n.."

Joel finally properly looks my way and nods his head towards me.

"Heard what happened.. 'm real sorry; you should be safe here if I have anything to say about it, and trust me, I do." His tone indicates that he is serious, so I nod my head in thanks.

"Jesse, lead these two to their rooms, please." He adds that last part like he's not used to it and makes his way back to his throne. Jesse rolls his eyes and starts walking.

"Is he allowed to do that?" I whisper to Ellie.

"Not really, but Joel doesn't give a fuck so.." She shrugs, grabs me by the arm, and begins following Jesse.

We spend a little bit of time in our rooms before Joel calls all of us to dinner. Apparently, he likes to cook and usually makes dinner himself, so I was excited to try it.

Sitting around the table, I notice a few faces from newspapers I read in Midiri. Tess, Joel's right-hand woman and the one who basically runs Jackson sits to his left while Tommy, his brother, is on his right. They both gave me basic polite greetings, but refreshingly enough, no one was curtseying or bowing. Ellie sat next to Tess, with me on her other side at the other head of the table and Maria on my right. It was like a cute, tight-knit family. Other tables were spread throughout the room where other families had dinner. For instance, Jesse and Dina sat with his parents and Dina's older sister, Talia. I watch them for a few minutes before I tune into the conversation my table is having.

"So, how did you guys meet?" Maria asks Ellie and I.

"Ha! She told me that the current duke I had was a dick."

No one at the table looks surprised.

"Yea, that's Ellie," Joel comments, taking another bite of his food.

"Oh, come on! You could've at least added the part where I made you laugh so hard you cried, " she complains in protest.

"Yea, but that would make you look good." I counter with a playful expression. She glared at me, and I saw Tess grin from the corner of my eye.

"Jerk…" Ellie mutters, and the table chuckles.

"Oh, yeah, did you bring Savage Starlight back with you?" I ask Ellie before taking another bite of my food. Ellie nods and says, "Yea, I did. It's in my room. I'll let you read them later."

"Don't tell me Ellie dragged you into reading those comics too?" Tommy's voice rings out from across the table.

"Hmm, have I fallen into one of her elaborate schemes?" I ask, feigning disappointment.

"I'm 'fraid you have; she tries to get everyone to read them." He takes a sip of beer and shakes his head.

"Damn it, Ellie," I mutter as she rolls her eyes.

"I asked you to read it once, and you act like I held you at gunpoint and forced you to read it aloud, jackass," Ellie mutters that last bit, and I grin.

"What? Can't hear you from up here! Sorry, you're just too short!" Tommy jokes, and Ellie glares daggers at him.

Ellie mocks him by repeating what he just said only high-pitched.

"Oh, yea, that reminds me, did you get the pun book, Ellie? I saw one in there about a short ruler or something?" Joel says, effectively breaking up the fight. Ellie grins but rolls her eyes.

"That's not how it goes, Joel."

"Well, go on then.. Tell it."

She clears her throat and says, "Did you hear about the royal who is exactly 12 inches tall?"

Various responses are given, but Ellie just shakes her head. "They say she'll make a great ruler." The table chuckles, and I say, "Kind of like you, huh, Ellie?"

She turns her iconic glare on me, and I grin at her.

"Shut up…" Muttering under her breath and slicing her steak, Ellie tries to hide her pride. I guess she was proud of me for making the joke, no matter how much she wanted to pretend otherwise. Ellie was complex like that, an enigma—no doubt a beautiful one, though.

Dinner flies by, and afterwards, Joel stops me to talk. He lets Ellie stay so the conversation can't be too deep. I fiddle with my fingers, a nervous habit I've developed from Ellie.

"I was thinking 'bout how you can't access your affinity and figured you should pay a visit to the affinity master. Now I know it can be a lot, but I think you 'ought to give it a try." His gruff voice is oddly gentle as he gives me advice.

"I've thought about going to an affinity master but figured my affinity would show whenever," I explain. Joel nods his head and glances at Ellie, almost asking her to intervene.

"I understand that. But if something like that happens again, wouldn't you want to have access to that power?" he asks as he leans against the table and crosses his arms.

He did have a good point, and there were no risks going to an affinity master; I was just a little skeptical. Affinity masters were few and far between, and most countries only had one. Once per generation, a noble would be born with the sense to determine other nobles' powers and assess what was going on with them. Since affinities were so complex, it was helpful to have one around.

"You have an excellent point… I will go." My voice is respectful and determined. I can sense Joel sees that. He smiles a little and walks over to Ellie and me. She had been surprisingly quiet this whole time, and I was getting concerned.

Joel ruffles Ellie's hair again, and she rolls her eyes and fixes it once he's done.

"I'm glad you two are safe. Now get some sleep, I'll see you tomorrow."

Ellie and I walk in silence back to our rooms. I wanted to say something in hopes she'd tell me how she was feeling, but I didn't want to push her.

"Don't worry; the Affinity Master here is really nice, " she suddenly says. I look over at her and see an odd expression on her face. Our footsteps echo through the dark grey halls of the castle, and I can't help but wonder what's going through her mind.

"Ellie, is something wrong?"Finally, I asked her, stopped walking, and faced her. Jesse didn't stop with us and just kept walking.

"What..? No. Why?" She stops walking, too, and faces me.

"You just seem… upset about something…"

Ellie doesn't say anything for a moment. She's about to, but Jesse comes around the corner with a pissed-off expression.

"Will you two hurry up? I wanna get to bed before it's tomorrow, please." He says exasperated. Ellie and I glance at each other before she simply mutters later and heads off to her room. Quite frankly, I was this close to smacking the shit out of both of them.

Walking to my room with Jesse I shoot him a glare before I close the door and flop onto my bed. My new maids had come with me, and we were doing various things around the room. However, I didn't have the energy to be social with them. I wondered for a few moments about various things before sliding down onto the floor and lying there for a bit.

Who was to be my guard? And now that I was in Jackson, would they be coming all the way out here?

Eventually, I managed to get into pajamas and get some sleep.

The next few days were filled with Ellie and Dina dragging me to go sightseeing. They gave me a tour of the castle and showed me the garden where Ellie discovered her earth affinity. I thought that was pretty cool. Sometimes, Joel or Tommy would stop us along the way or join us, and I soon came to see their love for Ellie.

However, as much as I wanted to put it off, it was time to see the Affinity Master. Ellie walks by my side as we make our way to his office in the castle. According to Joel, he was expecting me, so I could just walk right in. This felt rude, so I knocked on the door instead.

"Come in!" A scratchy but calming voice calls.

I open the door gently and walk into the room as Ellie follows. She closes the door behind us as I introduce myself.

"Um, Hello there, my name is-"

"Yes! Yes! I know all about you; please come sit."

He seemed very energetic, so I tried not to get annoyed by his interruptions.

I sit down on a chair he had in the middle of the room. While he messes with something, I look around the space. The room is a striking round shape, its walls lined with tall bookshelves that reach almost to the domed ceiling. Each shelf is crammed with an eclectic mix of books—some old with cracked spines, others new and pristine—covering topics from ancient history to modern philosophy. Papers are scattered across the wooden floor, some neatly stacked and others haphazardly tossed aside, hinting at a whirlwind of thoughts and ideas that have filled the space. The centerpiece of the room is a large window spanning nearly the width of the wall. Sunlight spills in, illuminating dust particles that dance in the air. Outside, a view of lush greenery can be seen, providing a serene contrast to the clutter within. Above, the dome adds an air of grandeur, its curved top allowing echoes of sound to linger momentarily, creating a surreal atmosphere. The gentle arch creates a sense of intimacy, making the room feel both expansive and cozy. Amid the organized chaos, a sturdy wooden table sits under the window, its surface covered in an assortment of open books, scattered notes, and a half-finished cup of tea, suggesting the presence of a restless mind at work. A large, comfortable armchair, slightly worn but inviting, is positioned at an angle, offering a perfect nook for reading or pondering amidst the delightful disorder. Books upon books fill the shelves and even are stacked on the floor. Papers are strewn about with some crumpled and tossed into corners.

"Alright! Now, for me to begin, I'll need your hands." He says, finally facing me. His purple robe swishes, and his light grey disheveled hair falls into his eyes. I watch as he flicks it out of the way before holding his hands out to me. Glancing at Ellie for some confirmation, this guy is the actual affinity master. I watch as she just chuckles at my expression. Turning back to the Affinity Master, I hesitantly place my hands on his. At first, nothing happens, and my cold hands meet his oddly warm ones.

"Now just give me one moment and…." Suddenly, his hands get warm, so warm that it feels like they're burning. I resist the urge to pull away despite my brain yelling at me to do so.

"Just hold on a moment longer, Miss! I've almost got it!" His cheerful voice rang in my ears. I wince from the burning sensation when he suddenly pulls away, like it was him who got burned.

His cheerful expression turns to one of confusion and shock. He messily grabs a piece of paper and starts scribbling on it like mad. I watch as he glances at Ellie and then me before he goes back to scribbling.

"Is.. everything alright?" Ellie asks before I can.

"I'm not sure." He says, smoothing out the paper and continuing to write.

Ellie and I glance at each other before the affinity master suddenly stands up and runs over to one of the many bookshelves in the room. He immediately begins tossing books over his shoulder haphazardly, and I begin to grieve for the poor books.

"Ellie… what is going on?" I ask through clenched teeth.

"He's just like this… trust the process, I guess…"

Soon, the affinity master finds the book he's looking for and opens it to a specific page. His finger goes down the page until he finds what he needs. As he walks back over, he trips on a book and stumbles forward.

"Aha! I have found it! You have an energy blockage. From what I could sense, it's a type of emotional one." He says rather matter-of-factly as he hands the book to me. I gloss it over, but it doesn't click right away.

"I'm afraid I don't understand… What's wrong?" I ask.

"Why, I just told you what's wrong! You have an emotional energy blockage!" He says a little too cheerfully for my taste.

"Well, yeah, I get that part. I need more details, though. What is causing the emotional blockage?"

"In a sense, you are blocking your powers because you emotionally believe you do not have them." His smile pisses me off.

"So.. I physically have the affinity.. It's just blocked by my mental and emotional state?"

He slams his fist on his table in an excited manner, and I jump, "Right!"

"Then how do I get past it?" I ask standing from the uncomfortable chair.

"Hmm, well, in most cases, it resolves itself, but you are much more complex than that. Since you grew up believing you had no powers and were a, well, commoner, your mind altered its energies to adapt to that nature and turned your affinity dormant." He explains in a rambling nature and it takes me a second to process what he said.

"So to get rid of the blockage she just needs to trust that she has the ability? Like blind faith?" Ellie analyzes it quicker than me, apparently, and I start to feel stupid.

"So what? I just believe I have power, and ta-da! Magic!" I say sarcastically, waving my arms.

"It's a bit more complicated than that, but essentially, you are correct!" The Affinity Master clears his throat before explaining, "Back when our ancestors first discovered a way to tap into their energies, a lot of them struggled with believing it as well. So they watched the others use their affinities to gain a better understanding." He says, and I can tell he's pretty proud of his intellect.

"Alright, so I need to watch others use their affinities and try using my own?

"Can't hurt to try!" The Affinity master ecstatically says.

"Wait, try? You don't know if it'll work for sure?"

"Nope!"

I facepalm as Ellie chuckles.

"Well, we're you able to determine my affinity?" The thought had crossed my mind and I decided to ask.

"Ah! No…" His tone switches like whiplash.

"Is there something else wrong?

"In a way, no. However, like I said, you're complicated—the most complicated I've ever seen. You see, I couldn't determine your affinity because you are giving off two different energy signatures."

"Two? So it's deciding between those two or..?'

"No.. you have two affinities, and they're both trying to show themselves, but it gets lost in translation!" he says with a giddy expression.

"What!?" Ellie and I yell out simultaneously.

"I have two affinities? How is that possible??" My voice cracks a little, and I can feel my composure slipping.

"Yes! Two affinities! Good luck!" His little smile was rage-inducing. My jaw clenches, and I'm so close to going off on this man. Ellie picks up on that and practically drags me out of there.

"This has been great, thank you," Ellie says before taking my hand and pulling me towards the door.

"You're so welcome! Come by any time!!"

I slammed the door behind us and immediately stormed off to my room. It didn't make sense why I was so upset; all I knew was that I needed some space to think.

"I'll see you at dinner, Ellie!" I shout behind me so she doesn't think I'm upset with her.

Entering my room, I walk over to one of the deep green couches and place a faceplant on it. So much has just happened that it makes my head spin. One of my maids walks over and taps my shoulder. I groan and lift my head to see it's Mariah. She was the most social of them, and I talked to her the most.

"Your Majesty, a letter has arrived from the Prime Minister. It seems urgent." Her matter-of-fact tone reminds me of the Affinity Master, and I groan again.

"Alright, give it here." Once I'm sitting on the couch normally, she hands me the letter and the letter opener. I slice the wax seal off and delve into the letter.

Your Royal Highness Queen Y/n, General Roe has just finished giving me the full report on that awful night and has determined the spy among your maids. According to his findings, Rose was the spy. Her trial will be held as soon as you return. I'm sure you must be heartbroken. I shall send your other maids over as swiftly as I can. You may keep one of the maids you have now and send the other three back if you wish. Or keep all of them. Either way, stay safe, Your Majesty. Signed, Prime Minister Bennet Winton P.S. Your new guard should have arrived with this letter. General Roe chose her for you with your safety in mind.

I fold the letter back up and try not to cry. Rose had been my closest maid and a trusted ally. I had been hoping it wasn't her, but it made sense. Sniffling and tearing up a little, I hand the letter back to Mariah.

"You can bring the new guard in now. I'd like to meet her." I mutter simply as I stand. Mariah nods and puts the letter in her apron before walking to the door and opening it.

A tall woman with ebony skin and dark black hair walks in. She stands tall with a spear attached to her back and simple armor on. The signature silver and purple emblem of the Midiri empire is stamped onto her gambeson.

She bows deeply before introducing herself, "My name is Elody Hakim, Your Majesty. I come from the Hakim nobles who have been gifted with the lighting affinity. My sword is yours, my liege."

Her introduction is impeccable and straight to the point, telling me exactly what I need to know.

"Welcome to Jackson, Sir Elody. I appreciate you coming out all this way for me."

She doesn't smile, but I see a smidge of gratitude in her eyes.

"I will be here, my Queen, " she says, standing in front of the door. I decide to leave her alone and let the poor woman do her job.

Dinner tonight was… interesting, to say the least.

There was a lot of tension in the air, specifically between Joel and Maria. They both seemed upset about something and weren't talking while the rest of us chatted away. It appeared Maria finally snapped as she roughly slammed her silverware onto the table. "She deserves a ball in her honor, Joel! It would be the perfect way for people in this castle to have some fun!" Maria says, effectively egging Joel on.

"No, Maria! I said no! When people have fun, they let their guards down. I don't think Y/n even wants a ball in her honor." He argues back.

"You're acting like we're at war, Joel, nothing has happened since-"

"Watch it." He says suddenly. I realize Maria almost revealed some deep shit. I glance at Ellie and see she's getting a bit frustrated.

"Why won't you just tell me what the fuck happened, Joel?! I'm not a kid anymore." I could tell she was genuinely angry with him.

"You'd regret it, Ellie… just as I have. Just drop it, " he says sadly. Ellie's anger doesn't waver, and she persists.

"That's some bullshit, Joel, and you know it. Fuck you." She says as she stands and leaves the room. I debate running after her when Joel suddenly agrees with Maria, "Begin planning for the ball, Maria's right.." He says that last part a bit bitterly. "If people aren't happy, they'll start slacking… Maria, I trust you'll handle the planning then?" Joel wipes his mouth on his napkin before throwing it onto his plate.

She just nods and stares at her plate. He nods back and walks off with his plate.

The rest of the dinner is quiet.

Ellie wrote to me the next day saying she just needed some space and would see me at dinner tonight. I sigh but understand completely.

So here I was at the stables all alone. Dina was going to come with me at first, but her sister needed her, and Jesse and I weren't that close, so I didn't ask him.

Tending to Ellie's horse, Shimmer, I brushed and braided her mane. Picking the feet was always hard, but I didn't mind because I was helping out the stable people. I was brushing out her coat when Joel came around the corner. He had a bridle slung over his shoulder and mud on his boots.

Spotting me, he walks over with a small smile and tips his cowboy hat at me.

"Surprised to see you here, that Shimmer?" He asks, patting her neck.

"Sure is; figured I'd do Ellie and the stable hands a solid," I say, scratching her neck. She leans into it, and her head bobs up and down from happiness.

"I think I found her itchy spot."

"Whole thing is itchy most likely." He notes. It was probably true since horses were generally itchy animals.

"I'd be itchy too if I had all that fur on me."

"Heh yea, I guess you would be. Look about last night… I wanted to apologize."

"It's alright, and I don't expect you to explain; I just hope everything is alright," I say, continuing to brush Shimmer. Joel sighs.

"I still think you have a right to know. I'm sure you know, but Ellie isn't my biological daughter. I adopted her from Marlene after Ellie's mom died and Marlene couldn't take care of her… That disease.. It's a horrible way to go, and I don't want Ellie to get even more upset about her mother's passing. I just don't see a point." He explains, his grumbly voice a bit gentler now.

"I suppose I understand, but if someone you loved died, wouldn't you want to know how they went?" I counter. He sighs again and rubs the bridge of his nose. "I would..but it's not that simple."

"I'm sure she'd be able to handle it.." I say, watching his face and trying to read his emotions, "Only.. you don't want her to have to.. You'd rather keep it a secret.." I analyze.

Joel's eyes snapped to mine, and I suddenly couldn't read his expression.

"You have no idea what I want." His voice is rough once more, and I fear I may have overstepped. However, for Ellie's sake, I wasn't going to back down.

"Are you sure about that?" I reply, my voice unwavering and calm. I see Joel's glare ease and watch as something flickers in his eyes… acknowledgment.

"Hmm… I guess you're not dumb after all… see you around, kiddo." He walks out of the stall, and I'm left standing there, slightly confused.

Did I just gain Joel's approval..?

Approval for what..?

What the fuck just happened?

I spend the rest of my time grooming Shimmer while thoughts swirl in my head.

A week has passed, and Maria announced that the ball will be tomorrow. I am lying in bed trying to sleep so I'm not exhausted for it when I feel.. Fear.

It's been tough to sleep ever since that horrible night, but I have been managing. I just wanted one good night's sleep for fucks sake. No matter how dark it was, It wasn't dark enough. Getting out of bed, I sneak over to my door. A random guard is always posted there so Elody can sleep. I open the door to speak to them, only to find them asleep. The hallway is too bright, and I feel the fear creeping to higher levels.

Making a rash decision, I wander down the halls and reach my destination. Knocking on the door, I wait with bated breath. The door opens, and I see her face slightly illuminated by the moonlight.

"What are you doing here so late?" She whispers, her face full of confusion. Ellie stands before me in a wife beater and boxers with her hair down.

"I couldn't sleep," I whisper back. She nods and opens the door further, so I slip inside.

She closes the door behind me and makes her way over to the bed before sitting and patting it to signal me over. It was so wonderfully dark in here. I barely make it to the bed without falling on my own two feet and sliding under her covers.

"I'll keep watch k?" She says, tucking the covers over me a little more.

"Just try and sleep…" She whispers.

I whisper a thank you before I close my eyes and relax my breathing. After a few minutes, my heart slows, and I almost fall asleep when Ellie moves to lie next to me. I feel her fingers on my face and keep my expression schooled. It was not easy. She moves my hair out of my face and tucks it behind my ear. Her whispers break the silence, "So beautiful…"

It takes everything I have to not lose my mind. Ellie just called me beautiful.. While she thinks I'm asleep. Thankfully, it was too dark for her to see my blushing face, so I didn't have to worry about that. She inches closer and I can feel her minty breath on my face and smell her signature pine and bergamot scent. She leans in and kisses my forehead ever so softly. Then my cheeks, my nose next, and my temples. I feel her hesitation; I feel her thinking it through. She leans closer one more time, and her lips graze mine. Holding in a gasp was all I could do not to let her know I was awake. She pulls away and begins cursing to herself.

Ellie Williams almost just kissed me.

My mind spirals, and I can only reach two conclusions.

Ellie Williams is in love with me.

And I was damned if I ever let her go.

When I woke up the next morning, Ellie was not next to me. Instead, she was sitting on one of her couches reading Savage Starlight and sporting massive eyebags.

"Ellie?" I groan as I sit up and yawn.

"Uh yea?" She asks, not looking up from her comic.

"What time is it?" I sniffle a little from having a stuffy nose in the morning.

"There's a clock right there, Y/n." She says, still not looking at me. I glance at the clock and see it's 10:41 a.m. Ellie let me sleep in.

"Yea, yea, whatever, Els. You should get some more sleep. I didn't keep you up, did I?"

"I will once you leave." She says, simply flipping a page. I knew she was gonna be awkward, but I didn't think I'd be this bad.

"Ellie, are you gonna look at me? Have I turned into an ugly troll overnight or something?" I ask her directly.

She huffs and finally looks up at me. As soon as her eyes meet mine, I see a blush spread across her face. I tilt my head a little and get out of bed. She looks a bit panicked as I walk closer.

"Are you ok?? You're acting a little.. off?" I asked, knowing perfectly well what was wrong.

She rolls her eyes and goes back to her comic. "'m fine Y/n.. just tired. I was up all night watching over you."

I call bullshit, but only in my head.

"Well, thank you. I slept well for the first time in a while. I'll go now. Bye, Els."

She says nothing as I walk out of her room and close the door. I suddenly began to doubt if what happened last night was even real. If it was fake, how would I have been able to feel everything so vividly? Deciding to take my chances that it was real, I head to my room and get ready for the day.

Turns out I freaked out my maids and guard by not being in my bed this morning. Which checks out considering I forgot to leave a note. I apologize profusely to all of them as I decided to let them all have somewhat of a vacation here. I apologize to Elody next, who damn near lost her mind. Once everything was calm again, I went through my day working on paperwork and such, and before I realized it, it was time to get ready for the ball.

I slip on a pearlescent gown and some simple jewelry before a pearl-covered crown is placed on my head. My hair is done up in a loose bun, and I feel like the Queen of the Sea. Slipping on a kitten heel, I walk to my door and open it to Ellie standing there, fist raised and all. She blinks, looks me up and down a few times, blushes, and holds out a hand.

"Uh, hey.. Sorry 'bout that I was just coming to get you," she says, avoiding my eyes. I smile and slip my hand into hers.

"It's all good. Funny how I caught you right at that moment, though, huh?" I say with a chuckle. She closes my room door behind me and moves my hand to rest on her arm where her forearm and bicep meet. Ellie starts walking to the ballroom at a speed I can only describe as supersonic.

"Woah, Ellie, hold on, I can't keep up," I say, tripping a little. She catches me by wrapping her arm around my waist and dragging me upwards. I land against her side with an oomph.

"Be careful.." Her face looks like a tomato.

She slows down after that.

We make it to the ballroom in one piece, and they announce our arrival. I've had a few more dance lessons since our last attempt, so hopefully, I won't mess up this time. Once we make our way to the middle of the ballroom, she bows to me, turns, and walks off.

I stand there completely and utterly confused.

Did she just walk off on me? What the fuck, Ellie?

Just as I'm about to head to the balcony, someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn around to see Maria. She looks gorgeous in a baby blue pantsuit and some pearl earrings.

"Y/n, there you are. I wanted to introduce you to a few people." Her smile doesn't reach her eyes, and I can tell she's a bit upset about something. I won't comment on it, though, because it's none of my business.

"Sure, lead on." I smile, hoping to cheer her up a little. Besides, making a few connections can't hurt.

She starts walking over to a crowd and pulls one gentleman aside. He introduces himself as Lord Seth and bows to me. We talk for a little while before I'm suddenly pulled from behind. My immediate reaction is panic, but I relax once I smell bergamot and pine. It was just Ellie.

"What are you-" I start.

"Maria, I told you I didn't want her talking to that Bigot." She spits out, glancing between Maria and Seth. I watch as Seth pulls a face, and Maria sighs.

"Who do you think you're talking to, girl?" Seth bites out back.

"Alright, you two enough. You're right, Ellie. I'm sorry I just figured it'd be good for her to have connections." Maria explains.

"Then don't bring her to Seth; bring her to Viscount Gilbert, or Marchioness Elizabeth, anyone but this fool." Ellie counters, pulling me further and further behind her. I was tired of this conversation.

"Ellie, enough. We need to talk," I say sternly before turning to Lord Seth and Maria.

"I apologize for this interruption. I will be right back," I say sweetly before dragging Ellie to the gardens. Fury laced my vision, and I pushed open the heavy wooden doors. I take her hand in mine and walk over to a gazebo covered in vines and fairy lights.

"What the fuck is your problem, Ellie?!" I say to her, frustrated. Avoiding yelling out of anger was proving to be complicated.

"What the fuck are you doing Y/n? You shouldn't have been talking to him!" She yells. I snap.

"I can discern who is worth my time well enough, Ellie. I don't need you choosing that for me!" I argue back, a little wrath backing it up.

"That may be, but you do not understand this court the way I do! That man is not someone you should be talking to!"

"And why not!? You seem so set on who I shouldn't be talking to. You barely talk to me yourself! You think I haven't noticed you avoiding my eyes for ages now??" I counter.

"He is a homophobic piece of shit, and you are the light of the world! You shouldn't sully yourself speaking to someone who would hate you if he knew enough about you!"

"I'm not the light of the world, Ellie. You're being ridiculous! And I would've figured that out on my own and ignored him! I will take your advice, but I will not have it shoved down my throat!"

She swears and shakes her head. "You're the light of my life, ok?! He has treated me like shit my entire life! I didn't want him to tell you things I'm not proud of!"

I stare at her in shock.

I was the light of her life.

"What?" I whisper, my voice cracking.

Ellie seems to realize what she said, and her face drops.

"No.. no.. no.. I-"

"Say it again.." I whisper.

She stares at me as tears line her eyes. I watch as she takes a deep breath and bites her lips.

"You're the light of my life.." She admits reluctantly. Her eyes are filled with yearning, and I sense there's more she wants to say.

"When I saw you crying in that garden, I knew I couldn't walk away… It was already over for me. I figured it would be easier to hide my feelings instead of tell you…"

I stare at her in awe and admiration.

"I love you, Y/n.. so much so that when I see you, my world brightens and the stars align. Everything and nothing makes sense like some sort of dream. I want you near, but fear I'll become your ruin."

Her words make me tear up, and it dawns on me…

A poem.. She was whispering aloud a poem she had written for me.

Adoration fills my heart as I stare into her eyes, the twinkling of the lights filling them along with her tears.

"Say something…" She whispers.

I don't.

Instead, I take a step towards her. She doesn't move away and just lets me maneuver us. I bring her under the gazebo, minding my step, and place one of her hands on my waist and one on my own… and I dance. She seems confused but follows along and dances with me. The music from the ballroom carrying all the way out here. Steps feel familiar as we twist and spin, and I can see her confusion and desire. Wanting an answer, confused as to why I won't give it to her.

"And then I learned the truth, how everything good in life seems to lead back to you. And every single time I run into your arms. I feel like I exist for love. Like I exist for love." I whisper the lyrics of the song playing as my response to her poem.

I continue as she tears up, "Only for love…" A pause, "Cause when you walked into my life, I could feel my life begin. Like I was torn apart the minute I was only born, and you're the other half, the only thing that makes me whole."

I hum a few lines of the song along with the music in the background before I whisper the most important line, "I love you so…"

The dance comes to an end, and she dips me before slowly bringing me back up. I rest my hands on her shoulders and look into her eyes. Her hands are resting on my waist.

"Can I kiss you..?" She asks in a whisper so quiet I barely catch it. I glance at her lips and catch her doing the same before giving her one simple nod.

Ever so slowly, she cups my face, wrapping her other hand around my waist and bringing me ever closer. My breath hitches, and I see her give me a look to check again that this is alright. When I lean towards her, she takes it as a yes….

..and kisses me.

↞Previous ⨾ଓ Masterlist ⨾ଓ Next ↠

#ellie williams #ellie x reader #afab reader #i love writing #serraphimn #royalty #royalty au #romance #third chapter #Spotify

7 notes · View notes

lanaxoxoxoxoxox · 1 year ago

Note

No no no you’re getting a FUCKING REQUEST TODAY BABY

Ok so maybe someone of your choice with a really bubbly talkative reader and someone called reader annoying and then they like- stick up for reader

Does that make sense-

Like-

Reader: *talking*

Bitch: “ur annoying”

Person of choice: “not on my watch”

yes yes yes !! im in love with this ask frog oml

angel watch

wilbur soot x loud!reader

warnings: angst?? idk but theres DEF some fluff sprinkled in here

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

reader pov

I never really thought about my actions often, but in a good way. Obviously I would know if I accidentally hurt someone, like any other average human being would do. But I never ever thought about my personality and it's own actions.

Ever since I was in first grade, my parents, friends and even teachers would describe me as someone with a "flirtatious, bubbly" personality. That never really got to me, and I found it funny. I mean, it does make sense, as I literally used "bubbly" in my Twitch username for when I stream. I do have to say, it's quite useful when streaming, as it keeps me engaged with my chat. That's what I enjoyed about myself. But I guess my chat didn't that day.

"Hello bubblies! How are we doing today my loves?" I said, smiling into the webcam.

user657: great!!

user342: meh, but ur stream is the best !! :D

userfroggie8: live laugh love y/n

message was deleted by a moderator

"Nice, nice! If your day is going pretty shit, I hope I can cheer you guys up!" I said, making a heart sign into the webcam. "Today is going to mainly just be a silly lil' rant stream. Maybe perhaps some storytimes? Maybe some clip reactions? We'll see, loves. But first, I need to remind everyone that you can subscribe to my channel for free with Twitch Prime if you have it and would like to support me."

I continued the stream with talking about random stuff that popped into my head. I was in my little streaming room, in my little shared apartment. What I didn't know is what my boyfriend was watching in the living room.

wilbur pov

Whoever said that cleaning pots and pans from the night before is a "relaxing" thing to do, needs to wake the fuck up. I mean, it's not like I'm going to make y/n do it, especially since they're going to be really tired after their stream. Especially with their cute, bubbly personality, when they get tired, they get tired. They have full on "sugar crashes".

I felt my phone vibrate from my back pocket. I placed the last pan down on the drying towel and slid my phone into my hands. I unlocked it.

"y/n_bubbles is live! "LETS CHAT!!" I smiled into the reflection of my phone. I plopped down onto the living room sofa and opened up the Twitch app, playing y/n's stream. I watched for a while, before grabbing my phone to send a message back to Tommy and catching up with my twitter page. I focused my ears back onto y/n's stream.

reader pov

"Alright, lets take a break from the rants for now. I bet y'all are tired of hearing my crazy rant voice!" I laughed to myself.

Suddenly, my donation sound popped up. "I should probably change my sound from the duck noises. That's, um, real immature from me..." I laughed again.

user10 donated $2.00

i dont watch ur streams often but can you like stop talking once in a while ur rly annoying. stop thinking you're different from other streamers and that ur "quirky". stfu. /srs

"Thanks user10 for the $2! Guys, I seriously can't read, I need to take a second to actually read the donations out loud for you guys, seriously." I inspected the donation closer. "Alright user10, what did you write... 'i don't watch ur streams often but can you like stop talking once in a while ur rly annoying-'" My heart stopped.

Don't let them notice Y/n.

Don't let them fucking notice.

I continued reading. "'stop thinking you're different from other streamers and that you're.." I paused. "that you're quirky. Shut the fuck up.' Um, I'm gonna take a little pause break guys." I said quietly, quickly turning off my webcam and switching to the "BRB" screen. I kicked my legs up to the chair and sat there for a minute, ignoring the rest of the world around me. Is that what they really thought of me..?

wilbur pov

I looked back up at the TV. I thought y/n was just talking about her random new games she enjoyed or about her friends, but instead was met with utter silence. When you hear your bubbly significant other who is the biggest extrovert stop talking, in the middle of a chatting stream, you know something's up. I looked over to the corner and saw a donation from some "user10". "i dont watch ur streams often but can you like stop talking once in a while ur rly annoying. stop thinking you're different from other streamers and that ur "quirky". stfu. /srs"

What. The. Fuck.

Not even bothering to shut the TV off or grab my phone, I ran upstairs to Y/n's streaming room and looked over at Y/n, sitting dead silent in her chair. I ran over to them and spun their chair around, accidentally hitting the keyboard and hurting my arm. "Fuck-".

Shut up Wilbur! Focus on your partner.

I spun their chair around and raised up their head. "Hey, hey, it's okay! That person is being a total dick, and what they said was utter lies." They raised their head up and looked at me in the eyes. "Don't listen to them. You're an incredible person." I stood up and looked down at them. Their legs were still bouncing. I kneeled back down again and placed my hand on their thigh to help them stop shaking.

"I love you." I said, before softly kissing them. I felt y/n stop shaking and smiled into the kiss. They turned back to their monitor and their jaw- dropped...?

"Uh, Will?" they said softly.

"Yes, love?" I replied.

"You accidentally turned the webcam back on when you hit the keyboard. The microphone was also on still. Chat's going fucking bananas." they laughed, placing their head in their hands.

user7798: FUCK USER10

user455: they're dating???? OMG

y/nstan4life: omg there so cute why cant i have that [happy-cry]

mcyt7447: Y/NBUR!!

I looked over to the chat and chuckled. "Oh shit."

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

#mcyt #mcyt fanfic writer #lana #fanfiction #dream smp #mcytblr #mcyt x reader #wilbur soot #wilbur soot x you #wilbur x reader #wilbur mcyt #wilbur dream smp #dsmp #mcyt imagine #this took way longer than it should have oh my fucking god #requests open

94 notes · View notes

gomzwrites · 2 years ago

Text

100 Followers Special: Fic Marathon

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── Uniform ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

more info on the fic marathon check out this post :)

Day 3: Konig

Tags: fluff, xtall gn!reader, implied nsfw at the end, inaccurate uniform descriptions, bad German (translation below sentences)

Notes: ・❥・reader's texts are in purple ・❥・indented texts are memories ・❥・dividers drawn by @gomzdraws ・❥・credit to shadeops21 for that one specific shirt described in this fic

a/n: side note, I don't play the game but I did watch the playthrough and ref the cod wiki page. Also remember how I was talking the amount of struggle I did for this fic? its because of the uniform part, can't for the life find out whether Austrian Colonel uniform is red-blue, stone gray or gold, don't even get me started on the insignia XD please if you know what the official uniform would look like lmk in the comment!

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Ah great, looks like we ran out of mayonnaise... Konig dear! Where are you?

A few footsteps were heard when you called for him, and within seconds, he was right at the kitchen door, a worrying face evident in his features.

Yes Liebling? What’s wrong?

Ah, nothing much; we ran out of mayonnaise and a few other items for the dinner I’m making tonight. Can you run to the store and get them for me?

Konig nodded as he quietly walked towards you and took your hand gently.

Do you have a list?

Yeah, hold on.

You quickly take out a piece of paper and scribble down the ingredients needed, fold it neatly, and hand it to him. You think for a moment before smiling as you pat his arm.

Grab some dessert on your way home as well, my treat.

You finish by giving him some cash as his eyes brighten up and he chuckles.

Okay, thank you. I’ll make sure to be back as soon as I can, my Liebling.

You give him a peck on the cheek as he wears his hood and wave him goodbye once he goes into the car. You go back into the kitchen and prepare the other necessary preparations, such as seasoning and washing, before wiping your hands clean.

You decided that since there was extra time and you had to wait for Konig to return with the groceries, you might as well do other chores. You head into the master bedroom, which both of you shared, and open the closets, taking out a few of his military suits and laying them on the bed. It had been awhile since you looked through and iron them since most of his outfits are at the base, so it was refreshing to glance back at the series of uniforms he had.

You run your hands along the combat shirt and pants he had before, smiling when you see the clear difference in sizes over the years. He does still like wearing his black tactical Cyre G3 combat shirt, but what you really like is his Colonel uniform.

You lift it up as you examine it closely, tracing over the different badges and insignia sewed onto the uniform. You chuckle when you recall the memory of when he came home in it.

My dear! Wow, look at you all fancy and looking important! You give a whistle and chuckle as you quickly greet him and stare at him excitedly. Ah, please don't, my Liebling, this is embarrassing… Konig said as he quickly undressed and tossed the uniform onto the floor. But you’re the Colonel! Isn’t that, like, a great achievement in the military? Konig didn't reply as he sighed and kissed your hair; he didn't make any more comments about it, and you never brought it up since it bothered him, not until two days later during the late hours. You felt him rolling to your side as he slung his arm around your waist and pulled you close. I don’t like being one; it brings too much attention to myself. He mumbles as he buries his head into your neck, and you nod in understanding after making sense of what he was talking about and cooed him back to sleep.

But it looks so cool.

You thought to yourself as you looked at the collar, lined with delicate gold arabesques, as it shimmered under the light. You give a hum before you let the impulsive thought win and decide to wear it.

Truthfully, you’re also quite tall yourself thanks to your family’s genes, standing proudly at 6 ft tall(185cm), while Konig is just a few more inches taller around 6.6 ft tall(roughly at 200cm). It’s perfect because you can easily kiss his cheek without much effort and watch him blush hard every single time. He’s never gotten used to having someone who can stare at him the way you do so openly and with ease.

You decided that if you’re going to wear something this extravagant, you might as well go full out. So you promptly remove your shirt and wear the uniform carefully. It wasn’t comfortable due to how rigid the cloth felt against your skin, and the pants were a bit longer, but once you glanced at the mirror, you were quite proud and shocked at how good it looked on you, and it fits well, surprisingly. Well, everything except the sleeves. As always, it was also a bit too long and ended on your knuckles, so you just folded them up.

An idea pops into your mind the more you stare at yourself in the mirror.

You give a hum of amusement as you twirl and stretch around, giggling when you decide to imitate your boyfriend. You take a moment to recall the times when you got to watch his demonstration practice and smirk as you start acting alert and put on your serious game face. You hold up your arms in the air as you imagine yourself holding a rifle and mutter in a deep voice.

Target secured, attack the HVT!

You say this before twisting around and making the "pew pew" sound with your hand, giggling and chuckling as you completely get lost in the moment, then you crouch down beside the bed and pretend to resume a hiding position as you mutter softly.

And they say I could never be a sniper.

You make another dramatic "pow" sound before standing up and sliding to the center of the room with a "hyah!" and standing up, glancing around until you notice a tall figure at the bedroom door that you forgot to close. You instantly stop and freeze at your place as a blush creeps up your face.

Having fun, Mein Schatz?

You let out a huff of embarrassment for being caught like this, and you felt your neck heat up as you gave a sheepish smile.

I erm- Konig-

Scheiße, Sieh dich an... Shit, look at you...

He mutters as he slowly walks towards you; each step felt calculative, so slow as you watched his eyes that kept you in place. You can’t glance away, something about his gaze feels hypnotic.

Something about the way he looks at you makes you shutter; it's intimidating but also….primal…which is kind of hot. As he finally stands in front of you, so close that your chest bumps into his, he tilts his head to one side.

I hated this uniform, but now that I see you wear it, hmmmm…

His voice is deep and drawn out as he circles you, almost like a predator studying its prey. You gulped nervously as you tucked your collar in and answered back with a meek tone.

Should I take it off?

He gives you a long thought as he stands behind you. As soon as his hands are on you, he immediately carries and tosses you to the bed as you yelp at the sudden motion.

K-Konig?

You ask as you watch him crawl towards you as he reveals a smirk, then opens his mouth and lazily runs his tongue over his teeth as he gives a deep chuckle.

No, keep it on, because I...will be the one removing it.

You swallow excitedly as you bite your lips and rest your head on the soft pillow, under his mercy as he towers over you.

Who cares about dinner anyway?

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Previous fic: Kyle Gaz Garrick | Captain John Price Next fic: John Soap MacTavish

a/n: I know everyone hc Konig to be huge at 6”10 but I went along with the military guideline on the tallest height they allow which is around 6.6 ft tall, also I took Ghost's height as a ref which is around 6'4 ((yes yes I know none of these heights are cannon)) but ye XD thinking maybe I'll write some more tall reader x Konig fic in the future though :]

taglist: @cathnoneofyourbusiness | @land-lord-lol

like and reblog if you enjoyed this fic :D have a good day/night!

68 notes · View notes

luck-and-larceny · 1 year ago

Text

(I haven't written anything in awhile, so I'm just going to start throwing words onto this post and hope they turn into something...)

Don't get the wrong idea. I'm not usually in the business of being kind.

I'm not usually in any business, actually. I'm work averse! No business. All pleasure, thanks.

But if I were to be described as being in some kind of business it wouldn't typically be acts of service to other people. It's a waste of time expending so much energy for no personal benefit, so what I've been doing lately is, frankly, absolutely out of character. I don't even know why I'm doing this.

Well, no. That's not entirely true. I'm doing this because she said she doesn't believe she matters to anyone. She said if she disappeared no one would notice.

As someone who disappears for a living (not as a real job– we've already discussed that– but often as a means to stay living) my first thought was, “No one noticing if you disappear is kind of the whole point.” But I understood what she meant. She wanted people to think about her when she wasn't around.

I suppose I should mention I don't really know anything at all about this woman. Or at least I didn't. She didn't tell me any of that. She told her diary which she'd left open on her bedside table on the evening I'd snuck in to steal from her. And of course I read it! Did you really think I'd draw some kind of line on my willingness to invade privacy when breaking and entering? Come on.

And wasn't I irrefutable proof that someone thought about her when she wasn't around? Thinking about her being around or not being around occupied a lot of space in my brain! Would she appreciate it if I left a note saying as much? “Hey! I definitely noticed your absence!-- Your Thief!”

Probably not.

The point is: I felt bad for her. I wanted this stranger to feel important. So I put back everything I was going to steal and left her place exactly as it was before I'd entered.

Ha! That's a joke. Obviously, I'd never do that.

I stole a page from the diary on which she'd tested brush strokes. No words. Just a series of vertical lines to get used to how much pressure the quill required. A useless page from an intensely personal document. Just my style. I left a bottle of dark red ink. If she saw it she might think, “I don't remember buying that…” but it'd be so innocuous it'd probably never occur to her someone had been there and left it behind.

But to the point: I couldn't stop thinking about her diary. She said she had difficulty opening up to people because she just didn't feel very interesting. She worked all day and afterwards she went back home. She had no hobbies or skills. She had no friends. She had no family.

She had a crush at work, but she felt too awkward to start a conversation with her. She wanted to try making pottery, but thought it'd be too expensive to get into. She couldn't take time off work for the classes anyway.

Well.

Lucky for her, she's got herself a brand new Robber Godmother ready to make all her wishes come true via crime spree!

First, stalking. I spent about a week watching her at her job at a bakery. I watched her boss. Her co-workers. Her crush. They made really adorable cakes and pastries in the shape of little woodland creatures. So right away I could confirm that, without a doubt, she was an idiot.

No skills!? Bitch, you just spent the day making a cake that looks like a nutkin. I'm lucky when I make a cake that looks like a fucking cake!

It didn't take too long to figure out who the crush was. There was a wildly attractive woman who worked there who commanded the attention of every single person in every room she walked into.

Except Lana (my mark). While everyone else looked at the cake goddess, Lana was always looking at someone else.

And I was going to make sure that someone else started looking at Lana too.

#ffxiv #malika #writing #Part I?#Will I keep writing this?#It's always fun to wtite for this fucked up character #She often wants to do noce things for other people #But stalking and stealing and interfering with their lives is creepy!#Maybe just talk to them instead you little freak

14 notes · View notes

soft-lilith · 3 months ago

Text

Cursed dating profile

Ok guys, i have no idea how I have stumbled onto something like this, but I need to post about it.

I was scrolling through a small dating app call "Boo" and got a profile which is... it's bad. It makes my flight our fight go off, hundreds of alarm bells.

(I translated the text with DeepL because I can't be bothered to do it myself. I'm german but his way of writing feels so... incoherent? Wrong? Also like he was on drugs???)

Search here for true love and often read that it has become a rarity. I often see how it exists in everyone in one way or another. Hm, and I want to find her, my dream woman. I write a lot to reach her. I miss her. Pants up, sweater down, cuddling. So much more. I show myself meticulously here. I know that. Women and men tell me “show me you don't need her, then she'll come”… doesn't feel right. I admit, I'm less well without her. That's why I've been writing a love letter for months. I haven't touched myself for six months. No more desire? I'm full of fantasies of sexual togetherness in privacy. The love letter is perverse. I'm waiting for her and I realize that, as strange as it may sound, every day in my head, in bed, in my stomach and in my shorts. It's honest and so much about my character. I try to be very honest and that's hard. Faithful. That because I want my wife with me so much that I write about. www.frau-wundervoll-liest.de … What does the last picture on the “Intimate around the clock” page say? I want to get to know her. Even closer. Because then who sees me with love. Hopefully I'll find out who I'm making this love letter puzzle website for. If you need help, write to me. Good luck and all the best

Here are a few hurdles I encountered on the way to finding her. She reads, is elegant, is faithful, loving, has decency and likes some intensities of eroticism very much. How do I describe her character trait to show her how much we fit together? Show how much I like it too? That I catch her eye? without scaring her away

Describe eroticism with a heart in a lovely, loving way. I want her full attention. Crotch-warm (??????) head love, eyes in view, legs felt, hair seen, bottom touched. Preference. Physically. Berolle. Lovingly. Feel my lip, stay with me. Mountains, brooks, basket, pit, cork, construction bump. Lip fill. Bend. Pull, high mountain reach. Come, sea come. Love.

We speak quite differently. The texts perhaps roughly describe our nature, which lives its true beauty far beyond that.

I am looking for a woman who wants to be with me. Constantly. Who wants to love me in her relationship, as her husband, her own boyfriend and best friend all in one. Seduces me playfully and focuses on me. Wants to be and stay young with me. Looking for our shoulders when we cry. Intrusively affectionate. Love long walks. Laugh. Love each other.

I can love particularly well and be terribly shy. Does this sentence make sense if it's true? How difficult it is for me to find the right thing, the barrel of words…Difficult sentence structure, oh intelligence. A woman who scares others away and opens the door for me while I remain her gentleman. Leads me to bed, lies down with me, holds my hand and looks me in the eye. A woman who extends our time together, not shortens it. A woman who cares about love as much as I do. A woman who wants to cuddle and pull me back into bed when I get up. A woman who likes the warmth of my body and makes me happy. Crotch warm..head love. A woman who wants to focus completely on me. A dream woman for her dream man. Body language, movements, touch, sensitive despite beauty, full of healthy, protected jealousy. We want to find her.

Halbe Bible, ganzer Hurensohn. (half of a bible, a full on asshole)

Mind you, this man is 27. how, how the fuck. What is going on? Ok so to the web side (which looks like ass), for a love letter to his dream woman.

A fairy tale, baptized into truth. Love. So many are looking for. A hyper-intimate fairy tale, designed for 2 adults? A sweet one for a couple. Love should feel beautiful. Falling in love should tingle. Flirting should be fun, even if you're shy. Love. The reins of two lovers love together in firm hands. Hand in hand. Leaf in front of your mouth, get wet, woman of my life, love of my life, take it from my lips and lead our relationship together. A hot sweeper is looking for his enchanting cleaning fairy. Secretly places half-full cups on the edge of the table. The peppercorns drip onto the floor. Not too dirty, not too messy. Sometimes you need to clean. With feeling. With love. Secret and obvious love letters. This is the beginning of both of our stories, crushes on the future, vacation destinations, poetry “We” and also, yes… lots and lots of eroticism. A strange feeling to read about it so publicly? That's fine, even after happy dates you should go to your safe haven and away from the public, into the privacy of loving togetherness. Love is. Your bodies stay together in the garage and the two of you drive yourselves to happiness. This guy here can be very shy. Protective purpose. A self-assured insecurity. Full of previously contained intimate, physically sensual desires and needs. At the same time, seek love in a partnership that makes attachment, affection, jealousy, concentration and a tendency to isolate together with your partner not a problem, but much more a beautiful lifestyle and love style of two lovers come true. Is that your story? No short fun, much more long-lasting love. Seems like a very warm potato and wants to be kept warm. Stay warm.

Btw this sounds a loooot better than it does in German. Maybe it's also the translator which makes his word vomit into something readable but dear lord. I hate the word ick. I really do. But this? This is giving me the ICK

I'm almost tempted to write him just to find out what kind of person he has to be to act this way. But like I said, he makes me want to run away and my gut feeling are mostly on point.

#how do i even tag this #red flags #dating #dating profile #dating platform #wtf am i reading #help

2 notes · View notes

nerdlvr · 4 months ago

Text

you stared at your kitchen counter, sheets covered with song lyrics scattered all around you. each one sweeter than the next. mark had labeled the songs, each one with a date and the song title written on the top of the page.

03.15 no names, just us

he talked about how you both met, on that stupid site. how he knew from the start that it felt just right. he didn't need to see your face, the words you spoke making him feel like he found his place.

03.16. my juliet

he said he'd never read the book, hadn't even taken a look. but that day he asked hyuck for a copy. he finished it only in a couple hours, laying on his bed, wondering what the hell he just read. he hoped that his love story wouldn't reach that tragic end.

03.22. just lips

you blushed as you read the next song, a very detailed description of your first kiss. he talked about his roaming hands, feeling your ass, soft and plump, described how it made something other than his heart jump. how by the end of the night he was dying to see you, but all that you left him with was his balls blue.

04.07. ms. librarian

this one was about when he finally found out it was you. how he tried to deny that his neighbor was the one, but fate brought him to you, not just anyone. so he'd have to find his way into your heart, even if it meant he'd have to keep a secret that could pull you two apart.

04.12 soft sweet scent

this song was supposed to be about the first time you two hung out. but mark started to ramble about how you smelt, how it made him wonder how you felt. the rest you'll keep to yourself, but it's about the thoughts he had when he locked himself in your bathroom, lets just say he had a lot in mind of what he'd want to do to you.

the rest of the songs went on about the dates you both had, about the guilt he felt for keeping the secret, the jealousy he felt when he saw you with his friends. there were 64 songs in total, some short some long, but each one filled with nothing but pure love. the 64th was the shortest, but just as special.

05.18 come over

i can't believe it took me so long to realize what was right next door. the perfect girl for me, the one that always leaves me wanting more. just with one kiss you had me hooked, even before i knew how you looked. so come to me baby, i'm right next door waiting, be mine please, don't just stand there debating.

right as you finished you heard a knock on your door, you didn't even think twice before opening it, lyric sheets still in your hands. mark stood there fist up in the air, shocked at the speed at which you opened the door. a blush crept onto his cheeks as he chuckled awkwardly,

"oh, um, hi, hi i know in the, uh, song i told you to come over, but you were taking kinda long, so i just wanted to see if um, you were okay."

you smiled up at him, blushing like a school girl, a light giggle escaping your lips,

"you do know you wrote 64 songs right? i'm an english major but i don't read that fast."

he scratched the back of his neck,

"oh yeah, right, sorry, i like, i don't know dude, i haven't slept in days."

you raised a brow at him,

"dude? is that how you refer to your girlfriend?"

"oh no i'm sorry i just- wait what? my girlfriend? you'll be my girlfriend, really?"

he leaned down to wrap his arms around you, pulling you into a hug, the paper in your hands crinkling as you squeezed him back,

"god, it's only been 2 days but i missed your smell, you just smell so-"

he inhaled deeply, as he leaned into your neck, placing light kisses there.

"mhmm, i know, i think i read about it in the 'soft sweet scent' song. something about wanting to know if i tasted just as swee-."

he moved his attention away from your neck, deciding to place a soft kiss on your lips instead,

"okayyy, that's enough. i will actually die if you read anything that i wrote out loud."

you giggled as the blush on his cheeks grew darker, clearly remembering the dirty words he spent all night writing. he cleared his throat, backing away from the hug,

"so, i kinda prepared something if you wanna go see, it's kinda corny but, i don't know, i don't know, i got it off pinterest."

you nodded quickly, excited to see what he planned, squeezing his hand tightly as he led you out of your apartment and into his.

as you walked into his apartment you felt your heart fluttered at the scene in front of you. the room was dark, only the light from the tv illuminating the room. his couch was adorned with soft blankets and pillows, snacks laid out on the coffee table.

"i know it's not much but, i got your favorite snacks, and- wait, look-"

he reached for a blanket on the couch, stretching it out in his arms, showing it to you, you laughed at the image on the blanket.

"wait- can you see? did i get it right? that's nanami right?"

"yes mark, you successfully bought a blanket with nanami's face on it."

he threw the blanket back on the couch, smiling proudly as he walked towards you, wrapping his arms around your waist. you brought your hands up to hold his face bringing him down for a quick kiss. he smiled wide as he pulled you towards the couch.

"guess what we're gonna watch. it starts with romeo and ends with-"

you stopped in your tracks,

"wait you don't expect me to sit on that couch right? the one you used to fuck all those girls on?"

he laughed nervously,

"uh, actually, how about you meet me in my room."

you gave him a thumbs up before making your way to his room, giggling as he gave your ass a light pat as you walked away.

"oh, and don't bring nanami! he touched the weird sex couch!"

mark let out a laugh as he watched you make a disgusted face at the piece of furniture. not like he was gonna bring him anyways, he was getting laid tonight, and he didn't need some old anime guy watching.

𖦹 .ᐣ.ᐟ₊ ⊹ cryptic crush — [39] certified throat goat

previous — masterlist — next

notes : heyoooo, this is like the second to last update for this series (idk what second to last means but theres one more chapter hehe) then i will make some extras so lmk if theres something specific you want to see!!!

taglist : @sunghoonsgfreal , @dalsosapple , @nanaxwi , @neverbeurs , @miichellehciim , @hizhu , @mystverse , @ppeachyttae , @jae-n0 , @onlyhyunjin , @alethea-moon , @onyourmark-99 , @sunnystarred , @p-d1ddy , @hisrkive , @flwrs4marklee , @haechskiss , @rutheaflowers , @busy-daydreaming02 , @byeonwooseokabs , @bunniin , @odxrilove , @injunnie-lemon , @sunflowerhae , @nosungluv , @222brainrot , @vklve , @aerivrs , @slayhaechan , @aek1ra , @honeynanamin , @roseangelxfuma , @starfilledgaze , @meowtella , @grassbutneo , @hyuck-me , @lovm4rk , @minkyuncutie , @babystrlla , @tynlvr , @jakesbubu , @yutasputa69 , @mrkleelvr , @spiderm444rk , @zzurao , @haechoshi , @brii-sunwoos-version , @nneteyamss , @morkiee

516 notes · View notes

fakeloveaskblog · 2 years ago

Note

(Hi, me again.)

Hey Janus I’m back. So Remus seems to be doing okay. He’s struggling a bit but he seems to be in control and was up for talking. I won’t tell you exactly what he said incase he views that as a breach of trust but I can tell you he doesn’t seem like he’s in serious danger or anything like that.

Now about that kiss. He said he enjoyed it and would be happy to do it again. I’m summarising of course, he had much more to say about it than just that. But rest assured he seemed very pleased by it.

Glow Eyes

(there are sexual acts partly described under the read more. It’s not smut but it’s a scene that takes place right before/after sex so it is quite nsfw. No major plot points will be missed if u skip it. Also I am too tired to proofread sorry)

Janus was groggily looking around. You hadn't woken them up but they had half woken up just before since the bed had felt weirdly empty. They still only had a one person bed so when they and Remy slept crammed up together it was very noticeably if one of them left.

Your soft light made it easier for them to look around. The only other light shone in through a slight crack in the bedroom door. Janus squinted at you while yawning.

"Come to show me christmas past and present?" They asked sarcastically.

For a moment they got distracted as they could swear they heard Remy's muffled voice. They'd assumed their partner had just gone off for some water but it sounded more like they were taking a phone call.

Janus shook it off and tried to focus as you talked. He appreciated that you didn't tell him anything you hadn't gotten permission from Remus to tell.

When you told him about how Remus had reacted to the kiss you couldn't help but notice that the blanket suddenly moved a lot as Janus excitedly kicked his feet around while grinning.

"Thanks for the information darling. I will talk to him about it as soon as I see him"

A sigh of relief left their lips as they turned to their back. Their cheeks were too flushed and their brain too excited to fall back asleep right now so they continued to read a murder mystery laying on the bedsidetable.

They hadn't gotten much longer than a page before the bedroom door quietly glided open and Remy crept in. Their footsteps were nearly silent and he hated the thought of why they had had to learn to be so silent.

Their eyewhites stood out like candlelights in the dark. They leant down as their hand fumbled after the blanket. Janus reached out and let their fingertips meet.

"Good morning deary. Heard some talking just now. Is it anything serious or are you hiring an assasian on me?"

Remy instantly went pale and their eyes stared downwards to avoid his gaze "Sorry I like woke you up-"

"I'm not mad at you!" Janus quickly clarified "You can make as many phone calls in the middle of the bloody night as you want to. And you speaking didn't wake me. I'm not angry. This isn't an interogation. You don't even have to tell me who you talked to"

Their shoulders relaxed as they sat down on the edge of the bed. Their fingers intertwined with his "It was one of Rowan's friends I think? She had an australian accent?" They started to smile "She asked if I could help tailor some of her clothes"

"Huh. Word must have spread about your prowness"

Remy snorted "I'm guessing Remus like told Rowan to go round telling people bout me so I wouldn't be like totally workless"

"I'm glad either way" His fingers played against his partner's wrist as he watched them in the dim night light "Since when did you start sleeping without a shirt on? I feel like I would quite clearly remember if you always did that or not"

They gnawed onto the inside of their cheek as they blushed slightly "I just kinda had like weird fucking dysphoria 'bout my chest like 24/7 before. I did't like showing it- AND Like girl I KNOW nothing has like changed since I started E or anything it just like kinda feels different. I feel more...comfy y'know?"

"In my humble opinion you look good"

"Yeah better than you sleeping in fucking pyjamas like some ghost from the 1800 century!"

"Quite sure they wore nightgowns to bed during the 1800s"

Remy waved the fact of while rolling their eyes. They gave Janus a big wet smooch while he moved the blanket over so they could get under it. They cuddled down on top of him so they were laying chest to chest.

"I must admit darling I do find you excedingly attractive. The only reason I have been taken it so slow with my advances is because I don't want to make you feel pressured into anything"

"What a fancy way to say you're horny"

"I will literally die if I'm not extra and formal at the same time"

His hand was leant against his partner's waist with his fingers playing with the waistband of their underwear. He leant close and whispered something private into their ear that made them turn all red.

He moved his other hand around their shoulder, moving his fingers up and down their spine. They in turn sneaked their hands up under his pjyama shirt.

"It's only right then for you to like take your shirt of for like equiality and stuff" Remy said while rubbing their nose against his.

He met them in a kiss "Can't argue against that"

Remy thought their partner's vitiligo patches were so hot. They were like little maps pointing out where to kiss him. They let their tongue fall against the skin of his nipple and they could hear his heart beating out through the layers of skin tissue and bones.

Janus murmured out a question of what they preferred and they got so caught of guard they stopped nibbling at his chest. ‘Been a while since I was asked’ They said before actually mumbling out a response to his question. He looked at them with the entire confidence of an amateur baker having to make a weeding cake ‘I’ll try my best’

Things continued as they usually did in moments like this. They started to tug at the lining of his pyama pants but it didn’t budge since not only he was laying down but they were laying on top of him. They let him move them to their back so their head was hanging off the side of the bed so he could take the pants off leaving him in his underwear.

He remembred the way they would flinch if anyone got too close to touching their neck so instead he focused his kisses against their waist, the sharp bones sticking up, the movement of their ribs as they breathed. When Remy’s hands weren’t busy they bit on their nails while heir eyes searched for his which made Jan turn all kinds of shades of red.

He tried to as smoothly possible reach otu and fumble his hand around on the nightstand while continuing to kiss them. He accidentally knocked his book down before managing to get the drawer open only to find out it was empty aside from a pair of reserve glasses Logan had left at his place.

Janus pressed himself up by his hans into a half sitting position and his eyes stagnated as he tried to think. “Lubes gone”

“GIRL!?”

A metaphorical lightbulb went off as Janus remembred where it was. He tried to stand up from the bed so quickly he fell down onto the floor. He tried to look cool and sexy as he got up and dusted himself off.

“Going to the kitchen!”

“Why the hell is your lube in the fucking kitchen!?” Remy exclaimed.

“Logan was over for dinner and he brought red wine!” Janus yelled out as an explanation while leaving the room.

Remy pouted to themself while waiting. They tried a few different ways of laying to maybe surprise him with their supposed hotness before cringing at themself and just sitting awkwardly in the middle of the bed. The poked at the part of the blanket that was still helplessly hanging onto the bed until it completely fell down to the floor.

The door suddenly fully opened and it took a second before Remy realized Janus must have just moved it with their foot. Jan leant against the doorframe while trying to spin their underwear around the finger in a suave way but really they were just surprised at how cold the wind in the apartment was when all nude.

Remy whissled to try to encourage them and held their arms out as Jan plopped down on the bed again. They set the lube aside while laying down beside them.

“Hi” Jan murmured.

“Hello” Their finger was stroking circles against his chest. “....Could I be on my stomach?...Please?...Sometimes it feels weird to like look each other in the eyes and stuff while fucking”

“If that makes you more comfortable, sure”

He felt their cold hands run down past his back as he leant in to kiss them.

At first when Remy bit down into the bedsheet Janus thought it meant they were enjoying it. It took some more time, mostly because he had his face pressed against the sweaty skin on their back as he kissed them, before he noticed anything more.

Trembling could be normal during sex but their body had gone so stiff and them so eerily quiet Janus decided to stop. His first thought was to grab onto the blanket and hold it out to them in case they wanted to cover themself.

“Am I doing something wrong?” He asked.

Remy rolled over onto their back and looked up at him with half opened eyes “nah babe” Parts of their limbs were still twitching.

“Am I....hurting you?” His voice cracked in the middle as he asked. His hands reaching out to hold theirs.

“No!” They shook their head as hard as they could “Babe you’re not doing anything. My body just gets all hurt if I excersise and like sex is a form of excersise aint it. It’s my back mostly””

“I’m sorry dear, I got so caught up in the moment I forgot to consider-”

“it’s cool” Remy waved it off “It’s always like this. You can just continue till you’re done”

“But you’d be in-” Janus stopped for a moment as they realized “....Were you trying to hide your face from me...so I would’nt be able to tell you were in pain?”

“Having your partner look all in pain tots breaks the mood doesn’t it. Look I’m sorry I really don’t mean to ruing the mood like this and like complain about my stupid pain. I know how annoying it is to like stop midway through so you can just keep going. It’s fine”

Janus’ first instinct was to loudly proclaim what bullshit that was before they realized Remy probably wouldn’t be convinced by that sort of argument. They laid next to their partner so their faces were close together and instead said

“I won’t be able to be pleasured if I know you are in a pain you dont want to be in because of it”

“I’m sorry”

“Hey now darling. We have two decent brains. If we work together I am sure we will be able to figure out ways to make this work”

He pressed a gentle kiss against their cheek while his hand moved down to lightly massage the spot near their spine he knew it usually hurt the worse. They in turn let out a giggle of glee as they let their hands run down past his back and grab onto his soft skin.

“There’s less chance of your pain getting flared up if you’re sitting up right, correct?”

“Yeah babe”

“Easy then” He kissed their ear before murmuring out “You could sit on the bed with your back against the wall and I could ride you or-”

The two of them continued to whisper out ideas like that while hands trailed down to crotches and kisses were given, but the details aren’t necessery.

“The pain is like subsiding now Jannnnie”

The way they dragged out the sounds of his name made him blush as he asked to be sure if they wanted to continue. They laid on their back as they mumbled out a yes before feeling kisses being pressed against their stomach as Janus moved down.

“Girlie I did not think you would be this slow in the shower”

“I have at least 30% more skin to clean than you do you walking stickbug”

Remy didn’t have to ask for help to get out of the shower. Janus simply reached out his hand and let them lean on him as their unsteady legs moved out onto the bathtowel laying on the bathroom floor.

It was the middle of the night by now but neither of them had wanted to go to sleep before getting cleaned up. Remy dried their hair while hearing their partner hum some show tune as he cleaned off the soap.

Janus couldn’t see them anymore since the shower curtain was in the way but he could hear them sit down on the tiled floor. He was just about done when he heard them say

“Jannybabe?”

“Yeah?”

“....I think I might be asexual”

“Was I that bad” He answered sarcastically.

He could immediately hear as their breathing nearly stopped and their body rushed to get up, to get away, to get somewhere safe “I’m like SO sorry I didn’t mean it like-”

“It was a stupid comment Remy. Excuse me, I couldn’t hold back my snark” He turned the water off and moved the curtain to meet their eyes “I’m not mad at you. Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me”

“Thanks- uhm thanks for like taking it well”

“Does your asexuality change anything? Should I change how I act in any way?”

“Nah uhm I don’t think I’m like uhm Remus I just like- I did enjoy what we did I just like never get the urge to do it unless like you wanna or something”

“But you’re not repulsed by sex or anything? Because trust me you don’t have to lie to make me feel better. I still have Logan to go to and even if I didn’t I am an adult who can handle my own desires”

“No- No Babe I don’t mind. I just dunno how often I will be in the mood. I’m not like the every day type of person I guess but I uh I like liked your thighs. They’re soft and kissable and hot and I think it’s adorable that you got like a vitiligo patch on your butt and stuff and yeah I think I could go on ‘cause your body is good real good and stuff like yeah uhm”

Janus snorted “Thanks darling. You can go sleep if you want to, I’ll just finish showering real quick”

“I’ll wait”

A few minutes later he heard Remy quietly laughing to themself so he stuck his head out again to see what was going on. They waved it off.

“Nothing. Nothing. Remus is just pulling an all nighter and texted me it’s just like a week left till his art show”

Another airy fit of laughter left them.

“And also- And this is stupid but-”

And here they let up into the kind of smile that reaches the eyes.

“I realized, I think I’m happy”

#got some time to check in on characters before the art show happens #glow eyes #thanks for th easssskkkkk

1 note · View note

naturepointstheway · 1 year ago

Text

Link to podcast episode (bring tissues!): https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/a-with-mo-rocca-781161/episodes/timothy-scott-death-of-a-dance-163442211

Be warned that ads also pop up in unexpected places, but not too bad thankfully. There is also a lot of discussion of the context of AIDS crisis as well as Tim dying of AIDS. TW for a brief mention of suicide (only one line but wanted to add a trigger warning nevertheless.)

-----

Okay now I'm listening to it, and I love the opening as the narrator opens out with a captivating story of his memories of seeing Broadway shows as a teen, including the very original cast of Cats. He had loved the show so much he wrote to every member of that cast twice, and one of who responded was, you guessed, Timothy Scott. The narrator, Morroca, also puts it squarely into the context of the AIDS crisis that was happening at the time; it had taken four dancers in their prime including Timothy.

Incidentally the podcast took place on Feb 15 2023, and it includes the voices of Norman Buckley, Betty Buckley, and our very beloved Ken Page.

Right onto some highlights and gems:

Ken Page remembering a moment when they were both teens in another musical together (yes, they'd performed together even before Cats!) and what Tim Scott had said then: "I want to be the best dancer on Broadway." And Ken's response that yeah he wanted to be on Broadway too was great.

According to Betty Buckley, initially they didn't want to cast her as Griz because she "radiated health and wellbeing" and they wanted someone who radiated "death and dying."

Ken Page's words to Tim on the first rehearsal of Cats: "Well I guess you're officially one of the greatest best dancers on Broadway." Ken is the best, honestly.

Loving how Betty described how she felt an inexplicable sense of breathless joy when watching Timothy dance for the first time, and had wondered at how he could dance so well.

Ken (I think): "He had these amazing eyes...like blue beans. He also had this mysteriousness around him, that was always there."

Initially, Betty had no idea that her brother Norman was actually gay--it wasn't something they had necessarily discussed, especially since being gay was something of a stigma back then too.

Norman liked going up on the catwalk at the end of the show when Griz ascended on the big tyre, and also where Timothy would descend for "Mr Mistoffelees"--and says for the longest time the latter had no idea he was even there until one day, he looked back at Norman and they had this, in his words, "long meaningful moment." Norman was very spellbound especially by his intense eyes, and also was a lot taller compared to Timothy (6'1" and 5'7" respectively).

Only a few days later Norman actually went to Tim's dressing room and asked him out for dinner which just makes my heart melt.

Apparently very early, even during the preview run of Cats, Timothy was visiting a friend dying from AIDS in the hospital, and had also been one of the earliest AIDS cases too; sometimes Timothy would go from the show to the hospital to be with him a while.

Timothy's last show before he stopped performing all together was the European tour of A Chorus Line, when he ended up getting pneumonia pneucystis (I probably spelled it wrong), which back then was one of the earliest signs of the possibility of HIV. It was only a few weeks into this tour that the director had noticed Tim was losing stamina and was later diagnosed with this pneumonia; it is mentioned by someone that "he wasn't feeling well and had no energy at all" when they were in Zurich.

To try and get his energy back, Tim had tried a lot of holistic medication, meditation, and crystal healing, but none of it worked and he "eventually left the tour."

He'd then called Norman and told him that he "didn't want to dance anymore...I'm too old...I don't wanna be a dancer anymore, I want to come home." Which, way to fucking break my heart, especially knowing how passionate he was about dance before and had wanted to be the "next Fred Astaire" and even have his own tv show and make it as a dancer-actor-singer. *sweeps remains of heart into rubbish bin* Seriously, as someone who is passionate about dance herself and couldn't imagine life without it, this absolutely tears into me and I want to give him a hug so bad right now. He was only 31 at the time.

There is a portion of the podcast that was apparently duplicated where they talk about how he had started to feel a lot better in December 1986, and had celebrated at a friend's place where Tim tried to teach the friend's three girls a dance.

Sadly when they returned to LA a severe case of pneumonia sent Tim to the hospital and Norman said that they needed to break the news of his AIDS diagnosis to the former's parents. Fortunately Tim's parents were still just as loving and supportive of both their only son and of Norman.

At one point Betty tried giving Tim a puppy to try to make him feel comforted, but he hadn't wanted it.

Eventually, Tim had made a clear decision that he would not go back to hospital again (Oct '87), and from then on, he was taken care of at home.

Norman's description of Tim's last words to him is heartbreaking, especially since next morning he was in a coma for the next ten days before he died. Hearing Norman's voice breaking at this point, and clearly tearing up is heartbreaking and shows just how much he loved (and still loves) Tim.

Seriously though, I'd recommend this podcast episode, but obviously there's a lot of discussion of how much the AIDS crisis had affected so many back then, especially Ken Page, Norman Buckley, and many others.

Last night I came across a very recent podcast episode where they talked about Timothy Scott and oof the feels. As I found it late at night, I only read the transcript, but I'll give it a proper listen tonight and reblog this with some highlights and thoughts. And I'll be able to post the link then too.

#cats the musical #cats obc #Timothy Scott #Betty Buckley #Ken Page

23 notes · View notes

library-of-ohara · 3 years ago

Text

Anon requested

EXCITED FOR THIS. Talented authors collaborating? YES. I don't know if you guys write angst? But can I prettiest please request a senguko angst ab losing cora. Its cool if you guys dont write angst feel free to ignore ilyall. You guys deserve the world 🤍

Writing angst is not new to me and I love this idea so much. It never really occured to me to write how Sengoku would feel about Rosinante's death, so thank you for requesting this.

This was written by Didi [@usopp-writes]

Enjoy <3

Sengoku SFW Word account: 441 TW: Angst - death - dealing with lost of a loved one

Sengoku stared at the file in front of him, his heart racing for some unknown reason. It was the report from a certain island about the Ope Ope no Mi, a Devil Fruit they’d been willing to buy from pirates who didn’t understand its true value and possibilities. The fleet commander had known that the marines weren’t the only ones after the fruit and the short oral report had stated that the marines had failed. That was why he hesitated to read the file, knowing who else had been after the fruit and he feared what he would read in it.

No, it wasn’t out of fear that Donquixote Doflamingo now was in possession of the fruit, but out of fear to what had become of the youngest Donquixote brother, Rosinante. The young man was like a son to the fleet admiral and had been working as a spy for a long time, in the hopes of taking Doflamingo down. Of course it had been risky to send in Rosinante, even though it’d been obvious that he was the best person to do so. Certainly Doflamingo wouldn’t suspect his younger brother to be a marine spy, right?

Taking a deep breath, Sengoku opened the file. There was no way around it, it was his job to read it and decide the next step. Eyes skimmed over the first page. The marines hadn’t been able to land on the island at first, Doflamingo having used his powers to prevent them from moving ahead, much to their frustration.

It was not along report and yet it felt like he took forever to read it, dragging out the conclusion and end of this disaster. His breath stopped, as he read about the part when the marines had found the body of Rosinante. Tears prickled at the corner of his eyes at first, when he read about his adoptive son’s dead, described in a cold and blunt way. At first he refused to believe it to true, but there was no reason for them to falsify this information. Only a very few selected people even knew that Rosinante was a marine.

The tears started to float freely, as the harsh truth settled in his mind. He’d lost his son. He’d been shot multi times, though the cause of death probably had been due to blood lost. The only comfort in the report was the thrown in note that Rosinante had a smile on his lips when he’d died. It was bittersweet, but that little note was the comfort Sengoku would hold onto for years to come, whenever his thoughts ventured to the son he’d lost.

#sengoku #one piece #sfw #tw: angst #tw: death mention #tw: death #ohara library #didi answers

31 notes · View notes

istumpysk · 3 years ago

Text

Operation Stumpy Re-Read

AGOT: Jon VII (Chapter 52)

I turned the page and saw his name. 🥰

The horses did not like the feel of this place. For that matter, neither did Jon.

The dogs liked it least of all. Ghost had led the party here; the pack of hounds had been useless.

direwolves > hounds

+.+

Last night he had dreamt the Winterfell dream again. He was wandering the empty castle, searching for his father, descending into the crypts. Only this time the dream had gone further than before. In the dark he'd heard the scrape of stone on stone. When he turned he saw that the vaults were opening, one after the other. As the dead kings came stumbling from their cold black graves, Jon had woken in pitch-dark, his heart hammering.

There’s so many layers to this recurring dream, it’s impossible for me to nail down the exact meaning. Kings, Lyanna, death... I don’t know.

+.+

"This … this is all wrong," Sam Tarly said earnestly. "The blood … there's bloodstains on their clothes, and … and their flesh, dry and hard, but … there's none on the ground, or … anywhere. With those … those … those …" Sam made himself swallow, took a deep breath. "With those wounds … terrible wounds … there should be blood all over. Shouldn't there?"

Samwell Tarly is the type of friend to bring over a pizza and binge watch 12 hours of CSI with you, and I love him for that.

+.+

"Burn them," someone whispered. One of the rangers; Jon could not have said who. "Yes, burn them," a second voice urged.

...Bran? I’m picking up on a pattern here.

+.+

Ghost ran with them for a time and then vanished among the trees. Without the direwolf, Jon felt almost naked.

How many times does Sansa describe herself as feeling naked? A lot.

+.+

"One of the guards overheard Clydas reading the letter to Maester Aemon." Pyp leaned close. "Jon, I'm sorry. He was your father's friend, wasn't he?"

"They were as close as brothers, once."

They liked to play swords & hammers on the Trident together.

+.+

I will ask him about my mother, he resolved. I am a man now, it is past time he told me. Even if she was a whore, I don't care, I want to know.

I don’t think you do.

Don’t worry, there’s a silver lining.

+.+

The Old Bear tapped the letter with a finger. "Your father and the king," he rumbled. "I won't lie to you, it's grievous news. I never thought to see another king, not at my age

Hardy har har.

He’s having a conversation with one.

+.+

The things we love destroy us every time, lad.

No.

+.+

My son loved that young wife of his. Vain woman. If not for her, he would never have thought to sell those poachers.

"Lady Stark is not my mother," Jon reminded him sharply. Tyrion Lannister had been a friend to him. If Lord Eddard was killed, she would be as much to blame as the queen.

You get enough penis in one room, and suddenly everything is the woman’s fault.

+.+

"This could not have happened at a worse time. If ever the realm needed a strong king … there are dark days and cold nights ahead, I feel it in my bones …"

Every Starkling chapter you’re getting hammered with their future.

+.+

Ghost was with him, he knew that much. The silent presence of the direwolf gave him comfort. The girls do not even have that much, he thought. Their wolves might have kept them safe, but Lady is dead and Nymeria's lost, they're all alone.

+.+

"Not only a bastard, but a traitor's bastard," he was telling the men around him.

In the blink of an eye, Jon had vaulted onto the table, dagger in his hand.

(...)

He lunged at Ser Alliser's face with the dagger, slashing at those cold onyx eyes

Arya and Jon, two peas in a pod.

They don’t have quite the same composure and training as Sansa and Robb.

+.+

They took his knife and his sword and told him he was not to leave his cell until the high officers met to decide what was to be done with him. And then they placed a guard outside his door to make certain he obeyed. His friends were not allowed to see him, but the Old Bear did relent and permit him Ghost, so he was not utterly alone.

Reminds me of someone getting locked in a room with a guard outside the door the previous chapter.

+.+

When he opened his mouth to scream, the wight jammed its black corpse fingers into Jon's mouth. Gagging, he tried to shove it off, but the dead man was too heavy. Its hand forced itself farther down his throat, icy cold, choking him.

This is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever read, so I’m sharing it.

+.+

Jon tried to shout, but his voice was gone. Staggering to his feet, he kicked the arm away and snatched the lamp from the Old Bear's fingers. The flame flickered and almost died. "Burn!" the raven cawed. "Burn, burn, burn!"

Smart raven.

Final thoughts:

Was the wight targeting the Lord Commander? Is it sentient? How did it cross the wall? 🤔

-> return to menu <-

#operation stumpy re-read #agot #jon vii

52 notes · View notes

oingo233 · 4 years ago

Text

You Are Beautiful (1)

Summary: Sirius Black was entranced since the moment he saw you. He had to have you but you are convinced his feelings are fleeting, and will only hurt you. People inside and outside of your relationship meddle in the makings of something that could be beautiful... or disastrous. Will love and confidence win? Or will doubt and uncertainty tear you both down?

Young Sirius Black x Pus SizedFemReader

Warning: one inappropriate joke lol, fluff I suppose and nothing else really. All the real stuff comes later :0

Authors note: I mostly write my xreader fics as neutral but as this is a request, I wrote this as fem. But if anyone would like a male version or neutral version let me know and I will copy this but obviously change readers gender (and it's no burden to me I'd love to make more readers feel included and represented). Also reader is plus sized and she is confident and strong throughout the fic -because plus sized characters aren't represented like that in film/books alot (but if looking for amazing and empowering plus sized female characters Nina Zenik from Six of Crows owns my entire heart and changed how I saw myself personally and I would recommend that book for anyone really)- but as any human she has her insecurities because beauty standards are unattainable and have a way excluding so many people and making us feel less than beautiful. As a plus sized/overweight person myself, I understand how we have to fight to feel beautiful and fight this internalized bias we have when we look in the mirror. But WE ARE BEAUTIFUL. WE ARE WORTHY OF MAGAZINGE COVERS AND COMPLIMENTS AND ABOVE ALL SELF LOVE!! The self insert character in this has fought for her confidence, but it will shake and stumble throughout the series and Sirius and friends are there for her to help her realize for herself how beautiful she truly is, once again. So I hope I didn't stray too far from the request :) Enjoy....

Word Count: 1.8

Authors Note: About halfway through I decided to make it a series oops-

****Blabbering Idiot****

Sirius Black is a man of many, many words. In fact, I'm sure if he was writing this he could quickly turn it into one of the most entertaining novels ever written. He'd describe the laughter of his friends for a whole page. Tell a hilarious joke on the next. Then he'd describe the wind blowing through the open halls and courtyard and the spring sun. He could write about a great many things in great detail. (But he wouldn't because he doesn't quite enjoy writing as much as he does anything else, but that's above the point.)

As I said, Sirius Black is a man of many words. So it was such a curious thing when he first saw you. It was an astounding thing really, because for the first time he found something that rendered him completely speechless.

The sun was peeking through the open corridor and pooled onto you, caressing your skin and hair in an ethereal glow. Highlighting curves that brought both sinful and sweet thoughts running through him. It was as if the universe was telling him, look at what we've created, look at this beautiful creature. But he could hardly believe that this world could create something so lovely and kind. You threw your head back in laughter at something your friend said and suddenly the world is back to normal and all he can hear is your laughter and the sound of his friends curiosity at what could have possibly kept him from the conversation about muggle rock compared to Wizard bands. In fact, James was so passionate about it half the hall turned to listen to his rendition of The Chain by Fleetwood Mac.

But he didn't care, he took a feeble step towards you and suddenly felt so nervous his hands began to sweat. He stuttered and coughed up his words just for a simple "hello" in your direction only for the wind blowing through the halls to carry it away. And his friends laughed at him as he watched you walk too far from where he wanted you. Because, oh did he want you.

Sirus POV:

"I'm telling you, I won't be able to sleep tonight unless I know who she is," Sirius says for not the first time that evening. James started to laugh.

"Why? Because you'll be too busy thinking of her?" James said, laughing as he made a very suggestive hand motion. Peter cackled and Remus rolled his eyes, trying to find the cleaner side of his humor but instead he couldn't help but snort. Sirius pushed James's shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm sure Lily would love to know how familiar with that feeling you are," Sirius says and James stopped laughing immediately, his eyes narrowed.

"Please, you wouldn't dare. And I will deny all accusations, you'll be made out to be a liar. Then the mystery girl will never love you. Is that what you want, Pads?" James joked with a single arch of his brow. Sirius just rolled his eyes. He was only half paying attention, he has been scouring the hallways since he first saw that girl. He wanted to speak to her again, or maybe just stare for a bit. If things went well, he'd be able to do both those things on a date. But he hasn't seen her since that morning and his heart felt oddly shallow. He wanted those butterflies he had when looking at her to come back and overwhelm him again.

"What'll it matter if I don't even know who she is? Or- or if I can't talk to her? No one falls in love with a blabbering idiot," Sirius says. Remus shrugs.

"Lily fell in love with James," he says, Peter laughed again.

"Yeah, regardless of what he does at night," Peter added and now both James and Sirius were rolling their eyes. James and Lily just recently stopped denying their feelings for one another and gave into the sexual tension and mutual pining. Their relationship was still fairly new but they act as if they've been together for years. Sirius supposed that in a way, they have been.

Sirius would watch them giggling, hand and hand in the hall. He'd see them cuddling in the common room, or coming back after dates with rosy cheeks and beaming smiles. Sirius would never admit it out loud, but his heart cried out when he saw them like that. He rarely ever felt lonely. He could have any girl or boy he wanted if he really tried, but for what? One fun night? Only for one more morning where he wakes up alone? He wanted more than that whenever he saw Lily and James, their happiness was palpable. Their love was suffocating.

Sirius always thought he'd find the one after Hogwarts, if at all. But when he saw her... well that changed everything. In a flash he saw himself with her, their hands intertwined and her head thrown back in laughter. Rosy cheeks and bruised lips. Warm beds and making love... being in love. He nearly felt silly after and yet, he knew that even if he did sleep tonight, it would be her he'd dream of.

"Ello' guys!" Lily said, bouncing up to James who kissed her cheek. They walked with their arms looped and Sirius glared at the easy sign of affection. He thought of his parents, how they would be stiff with one another except for in quiet moments, when he'd pass through a hall and glance into their room. He'd spot a quick kiss on the cheek, and soft squeeze of the hand. It were those odd moments for him, that struck him so strongly with a sharp bitterness. They don't deserve softness and love, he'd think, how can such cruel creatures even feel such things? But even then, he'd walk away seeing them as still awful creatures born from the depths of hell, but more human.

"That's her," Sirius whispered so quietly Remus almost didn't hear it. In fact, Sirius didn’t think Remus heard it at all, but it was rather his look of longing towards the Great Hall entrance that gave him away. Because standing right there, was you.

Your hair was a little wind blown, messy around your face, bits of iit shaped your round cheeks and soft eyes. Sirius eyed you up and down and cursed clothes and cursed shyness and cursed his own head for thinking he could even talk to you. But most of all, he cursed a group of boys who walked past you.

Sirius was a confident boy, he knew how to spot someone who held their head up just as high as he did, and you were very much one of those people. You were giggling as you stole a biscuit from a friend and popped it into your mouth, you covered your mouth as you laughed when they complained with a little smile of their own.

"It's just so yummy, and I haven't eaten since breakfast." He heard you say, your friend just shook his head and handed you a plate as you sat down next to him. But right before you could get comfortable a sneering group of boys stole a piece of food from your hand and said something rather rude.

Sirius didn't even realize he had been walking towards you, this girl he has never even spoken too, yet thought of so endearingly, until he was standing right before the boys and had the pack leaders wrist firmly in his grip.

"Drop it boy, c'mon, drop it," he teased. It was humiliating for the boy and he knew it by the laughing and sneering others directed towards the group of boys, but Sirius did not care. The boy dropped the biscuit and looked as if his tail was tucked into his legs. "Good boy," he said, ruffling his hair until it was a knotted mess, the boy winced at just how hard Sirius dug his knuckles into his scalp, Sirius relented with a satisfied smirk.

Sirius’s voice took on a much harsher tone, "Now scram." The boys were out of their seats and in new ones within seconds.

Sirius felt his mood shift completely once they left, because now all eyes were on him, yours included. He looked up at you rather shyly, his hair falling in strands over his forehead. He tucked it behind his ear and found some confidence in the way your eyes followed the movement and how you blushed. He gave you his best smile, hoping his charm wasn't as weak as his legs felt at that moment.

"Hello, I'm Sirius... Sirius Black." Then, like an idiot he put his hand out for you to shake, what charmer just shakes the ladies hand? He stopped belittling himself the moment you softly placed your hand in his.

"It's nice to meet you, Sirius, and thanks for helping me. I know how to handle those filthy 'dogs'" you said, smiling as you remembered the way he spoke to them, he chuckled. "But I suppose it's nice not always having to," you finished with a bright smile on your face. He felt his own cheeks heat up and he nodded but could not think of anything better to say.

"Name," he said, you raised your brows. He cleared his throat, "your name?"

"Oh, how rude of me," you said and then you laughed, that same laugh that caught his attention and has yet to let go. "I'm (y/n) (y/l/n)."

"Nice to meet you," he said, it was as if he couldn't feel the appalled stares of your friends because all he could see was the blush on your cheeks and your head thrown back in laughter. He swallowed thickly before making his way back to his friends. They all wore raised brows and smirks, and he knew they were about to bite into him.

"Treating them like dogs, really? A bit ironic don't you think," Lily said, James shrugged

"That's why it was so good," he said, high fiving Sirius.

"But it admittedly went downhill from there," Peter was sure to add, just like Sirius knew one of them would. Sirius just laughed, too elated to finally know who you were.

"Don't start," he said, but it was too late.

All in union they sputtered out the lame word that will plague Sirius' memory of that moment forever, "Name?"

They cackled at him and ruffled his hair all the way to their seats, but Sirius knew they were pleased for him. And Sirius didn't mind, he could feel the pretty eyes of a pretty girl following him across the room. If only someone told him how important she would become to him, maybe he would have looked back at her and never looked away.

Taglist <3

@enchantedblackrose

#sirius black #sirius black fanfiction #sirius black angst #sirius black fluff #sirius black x y/n #sirius black x reader #young sirius x reader #young sirius black #young sirius imagine #harry potter fandom #the marauders #plus sized reader #sirius black x plus sized reader

178 notes · View notes

monsoonblooms12 · 3 years ago

Text

Belamour (Ethan x f!MC)

Summary: Set after Book 3, Pooja finally gets Ethan to dance in the rain.

A/N: A silly something born out of my love for rains and my binge listening to 80s Bollywood classics (I have no idea what kinda mess this is tbh). Also, my first song based fic🤎

A/N 2: The song lyrics are indented (Translation in parenthesis)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey X f!MC (Pooja Sharma)

Rating: General

Word Count: around 1.5K

Category: Total fluff

Warnings: None that I noticed

Song Inspiration: Aaj Kal Yaad Kuch by Mohammed Aziz

READ ON AO3

A pair of summery blue orbs insistently stare at the world beyond the glass windows.

A world that was now being washed by the consistent droplets that came down from the adobe of clouds to meet their origin.

Their drum was usually henotic, tranquil for him.

But at the moment, it only added to his irritation and deepened the void of disappointment that had formed in his chest.

In another room of the same house, a pair of amber orbs watched the magic of nature with a child-like wonder.

The pleasant, dewy petrichor spread around her, and the mellifluous tunes of Earth's own orchestra made her forget the fast turns her life went through in the past day.

In the faint light, she picked up her hand and let the jewel, the stone that was nothing less than a promise of forever, shine like the billion stars that dot the sky at nights that are devoid of clouds.

As the iridescent lights make her eyes sparkle, a vague idea forms in her brain.

Her thoughts float to reach the person who gifted her happiness, and a smile lit up on her face.

There was a mix of challenge and love in the quest she was about to partake and she was determined to succeed.

In slow, soundless steps, she made her way out of the room and out of the house.

A blur went past and his trained eyes were quick enough to catch the motion.

Shaking his head with realization, he followed behind.

As the steps took him down, and he stood under the shade of the multi-floored skyrise, she stayed yards away from it.

Her hair was wet, her skirt twirling, her face bright and beautiful.

He felt his heart race, whispering an urge to join with hers.

He restrained himself, but the scene in front of him was so spectacular that he doubted just how long his restraint would last.

After what felt like an eternity, she turned to him, half of her face golden under the street lights, the other half bearing the monotones of black and white.

She looked like the personification of their love.

Her life the golden, and his the black and white.

He could write sonnets to describe the picture-perfect scene that played before him like a film, but all he did was stand still, unable to tear his eyes away, unable to speak the words that hadn't already been spoken, his well-thumbed thesaurus gathering dust in the labyrinths of his mind.

She looked at him with a longing, a spoken call for him to join her as the rains continued to fall and purify the earth.

All he did was shake his head in silence.

She took it as a challenge, and he already knew how it was going to end.

For a minute he got lost in her memories, reminiscences from a time, from a moment that passed too quick, yet slow enough for him to remember every moment of it.

And suddenly, the faint tunes of a song brought him back to the present.

Every word of the foreign seeming language lucid clear, setting in a cascade of emotions and bringing pictures etched in past pages of the novel of life, making him go on a trip down the memory lane.

Aajkal Yad Kuch Aur Rehta Nahi

(Nowadays I don't seem to remember anything else)

Ek Bas Aapki Yad Aane Ke Bad

(Once your memories enchant me)

Yaad Aane Se Pehle Chale Aaiye

(Please come to me before the memories reach me)

Aur Phir Jaiye Jan Jane Ke Bad

(And then leave only after my breath leaves me)

The truth of the words came with an epiphany.

Every day of knowing her had been a way of painting the monotones of his life in colours he thought didn't belong to him.

Every moment she had ever spent away from him had made him yearn for her more than ever.

And yet he was foolish enough to think that miles of distance and hundreds of hours could make him forget her.

All the distress he felt could have been so easily ended if she had been with him then.

And now, as he dreams of an aeon with her, he promises to only let her go when his breath leaves him alone.

Apni Aankhon Me Mujhko Basa Lijiye

(Allow me to settle in the world of your eyes)

Apne Dil Me Mera Ghar Bana Dijiye

(Make a home for me in your heart)

Kya Karu Dil Kahi Aur Lagta Nahi

Pyar Me Aapse Dil Lagane Ke Bad

(What's the fault of mine if I can't concentrate on anything other than you, since our hearts connected by the string of love)

As the minutes pass by, melting into each other to form an hour, he loses all tracks of time.

And amidst the sweven he was living in right now, at a moment he could not pinpoint, she had taken his hand into hers and now he stood, lost in the amber of her eyes, forgetting all about the shower that now fell upon him.

As she continued to mutter the tunes in a harmony that went on in rhythm with the rain, he wished he could live in the world of her orbs.

To see the world as she saw it, to live the life from her perspective.

All he wanted was home in her heart, a tiny place on the lands of her soul.

Ishq Ke Maine Kitne Fasane Sune

(I have heard many tales of epic romances)

Husb Ke Kitne Kisse Purane Sune

(And stories about beautiful people from bygone eras)

Aisa Lagta Hai Phir Is Tarah Tut Kar

Pyar Hamne Kiya Ek Zamane Ke Bad

(But I feel I have been broken and got mended by love after centuries)

In muted harmonies, the two of them twirled, forgetting the world around them.

The way their eyes held onto each other, as if holding onto their lives, reminded him of the tales of love the folklores talk about.

The romances of princesses and maidens, and of beauties who earned their fairytale.

But as her palm stroked his cheek in a feather-light motion, he concluded that all those tales faint in front of the story of theirs.

There were no royals, no cruel witches setting up spells and no poisoned apples.

There were just two people, broken by the storms life made them navigate through, fitting perfectly as if parts of a whole.

He tried to remember if he had ever experienced anything as he did now, his lip tracing her ear as his hands wrapped around her waist.

It didn't even take him a second to know the answer.

He hadn't.

Aapka Naam Dil Se Nikalta Nahi

(Your name never leaves my heart)

Dillagi Me Koi Zor Chalta Nahi

(No force is strong enough to stop the meet of two hearts)

Aapko Bhul Jane Ki Koshish Bhi Ki

(I tried a hundred times to forget you)

Aur Tadpa Hun Main Bhool Jaane Ke Baad

(And suffered a suffering of pain and agony once I forgot you)

The rains accelerate and become a downpour. The mist envelops them but there was no care for the changing environment.

The distance between them ceases to exist as their hearts finally get the pleasure of beating in unison.

In the next moments, she whispers close to his ear, the last of the melody, and it's his story.

The story of how he couldn't get rid of the five-lettered name since the first time he ever came to know about it.

Of how no force in the world could stop two hearts from meeting if that's what destiny had in plan for them.

Who one loves and who loves them back determines so much in one life.

And for him, it was a chance, a risk he was scared to take, dreading the destruction it may cause.

After all when had anything ever-blossoming flowers in the city of his soul?

But this time not only did spring finally arrived with its flowery footsteps but also led to a discovery of himself, a part of him that was buried under layers of snow from the winter that reigned in his life for years.

She taps twice on his heart, indicating how he had tried to forget her, all those years ago. And how he broke himself in the process.

As she hummed the last lines, he bowed down in front of the forces that brought the two of them together.

He thanked the stars which aligned the way did to let him fall for her and agreed to hide, to let the rains fall, to let him have this night with her.

And looked in awe at the woman who brought about the sweetest catastrophe mankind has ever known.

And without uttering a word, he picks her and kisses her, saying all that was left unsaid with it.

PS: I actually have another version of the song, that I sung specifically to go with this, but Tumblr is giving me troubles to upload it. Do let me know if you would like to hear it someday.

Anyways, If you are reading this, I am very grateful for you. Thank you for reading and I hope you have a great day🤎

Tags🤎(Please let me know if you would like to be added or removed):

Perma: @gkittylove99 @neotericthemis @udishaman @aestheticartsx @twinkleallnight @schnitzelbutterfingers @sophxwithers @sweatyrysconnoisseur @nikki-2406 @choicesfanaf @trrfanaddict @starrystarrytrouble @gardeningourmet @parkbarks @mvalentine @lovablegranny @mercury84choices @izzyourresidentlawyer @phoenixrising308 @adiehardfan @quixoticdreamer16 @a-crepusculo @cordonianruby @gryffindordaughterofathena

Open Heart (All fics and edit): @lucy-268 @maurine07 @bellcat2010 @headoverheelsforramsey @estellaelysian @shanzay44

Ethan x Pooja: @aleynareads @choicesaddict5 @stygianflood @mysticaurathings @jamespotterthefirst @ilikemenbutonlyethanramsey @takemyopenheart @mm2305

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

48 notes · View notes

spookybias · 4 years ago

Text

first time again ‣ [ yang jeongin ] ✧

pairing: yang jeongin x gn! reader

genre: comfort, angst, slice of life

synopsis: an attempt to return a love letter leads to a cycle of all too familiar events.

content: exes to almost lovers again, exes to friends au

warning: reader threatens to kill jeongin twice, insecurities, self-blame

for: @districtninewriters' dear skz, with love event. please be sure to check out all the fics written for this event! everyone in the net worked hard on them :)

word count: 2.4k

note: i want a jeongin :,)

You studied the envelope you were holding, flipping it over a few times in your hands. The quality of the paper was nicer than normal, almost like whatever was inside was more important than just a regular letter. You weren’t expecting anything, let alone anything important or special.

But it was definitely your name on the front.

You took in the minimalistic decoration of the beige envelope, mentally noting the small piece of looseleaf paper that had been torn at an aesthetic angle and taped down. Your name had been written in rainbow calligraphy on top of the looseleaf, a font you immediately recognized because your ex had used it plenty of times when decorating the tags on gift bags and appreciation cards to you. Each letter of your name casually leaked into an ombre of cool shades, and hand drawn sparkles littered the envelope.

You dreaded opening the letter, and wished you could stop feeling as blue as the ink your ex had used to write your name.

You were tempted to toss it in the trash, and bury it under the used romance novels you no longer wanted, but as quick as the urge to scream and throw away everything related to your ex had came, it had left.

Adrenaline coursed through you. Your fingertips were fast at ripping open the packaging, while your brain was hesitant to remember the pretty bleach-haired boy who had stolen your heart and then unintentionally crushed it just awhile ago.

Your ex's words were written on skyline stationary. Red and blue stripes twirled along the edges of the paper and a stamp of a smiley face followed by squiggly lines appeared at the top right corner. You were too scared to skim over a single paragraph. So you stood there, staring at the greeting instead.

I know this is sudden, ____.

Four minutes passed. And then you began to read.

You declined your group of friends' invitation to walk to the local bakery and then home with them after school. You had been holding in an immense amount of anger for your ex since you had read his letter to you last night. The letter could've easily been thrown in the trash after reading, but you couldn't help but become entangled in the words he spewed out into sentences.

It's not fair, You thought to yourself as you stomped up the stairs to the platform of the train station. It's not fair that he gets to remind me of everything and I don't get to say anything back to him. It's not fair that I have to think about why our relationship was so pretty.

"Pretty" is the word everyone used to describe the relationship you had with your ex. The both of you had taken it as a compliment back then, but now you knew why everyone referred to the two of you with such an adjective.

Pretty meant your relationship was attractive, it was pleasing to the eye on the outside, it was held at a fair degree. But what was it like on the inside? It was tame and decent, but complicated. Your ex always questioned what he truly felt for you, and it always made you wonder if you were doing something that made him doubtful.

Things had ended because you didn't want to feel more and more insecure as the days went by. It was fruitless to keep trying. Well, at least, it was to you.

"I'll kill him," you grumbled to yourself. A couple people waiting for the L train gave you a weird look. You tried to ignore their glances and the feeling of wanting to reminisce on the train ride you and your ex always shared before and after school during your relationship.

The two of you lived in the same apartment complex, but nowadays you did your absolute best to avoid him. You could've approached him there, instead, but you were so on edge you felt the need to return the letter before you got home. You had stopped taking the train a long time ago, too, desperately trying to avoid him at the train station as well. Now here you were trying to find him.

"I'll kill you!" You practically shouted at your ex. You grabbed him by his shirt collar and yanked him forward. You had forgotten what it had been like to stand so close to him, but you tried to ignore the blush that was pushing its way onto your face and the urge to pull him into a hug.

"What did I do?!" Yang Jeongin looked around awkwardly at the handful of people staring at both of you.

He was unsure of his emotions. One part of him was embarrassed by getting caught up in your sneak attack and the other part of him was happy that you were at least talking to him, even if you had just threatened his life. Jeongin was able to pry your hands -he had noticed how much smaller they were compared to his- off of him. He grabbed your hand and walked you towards an empty section of the platform.

Your heart fluttered, and when you glanced up as he pulled you along, you were seeing your surroundings in a sakura filter.

Jeongin stopped once you were at a spot without anyone around. "I-" He began to say, but you cut him off.

"Get your hands off of me!" You flailed your arms around until he took a step back.

Jeongin held his hands up in surrender. "Before you kill me, please tell me what I did."

"What is this?" You wasted no time in pulling out the crumpled envelope from Jeongin. "You're sending me love notes? After we already ended things?"

Jeongin looked like a deer caught in headlights. "H-how did you get that?"

"Your stupid ass sent it to me!"

"I- I did but-"

"Why?"

"Because I wanted you to know how much you mean to me."

"Well I don't care and I don't want this! I don't want you anymore!" You crumpled the envelope and letter into a ball and threw it at Jeongin's chest. It bounced off, and rolled onto the floor.

"Okay," Jeongin replied, his voice cracking. "You don't have to accept it. It was wrong of me to send you something after we had already broken up." He reached down for the crumpled up paper.

Jeongin held it up, hurt written across his features. The letter seemed to mean a lot to him, and even though he had hurt you in the past, you never wanted to make him feel bad.

You tried to snatch the mess you had made away from him but he held it up.

He furrowed his eyebrows, looking annoyed. "What?"

"Give it back," You told him, trying to reach the crumpled letter.

"You just said you didn't want it." It was unlike Jeongin to raise his voice. "If you don't want it then I'll take it back."

"Why?"

"Because I care about what I wrote in it and I want it!"

"Stop!" You continued your attempt to take it from him.

You and Jeongin fought over the crumpled papers like two nine-year-olds fighting over a toy truck. You were able to get a good grip on his love note. You were holding on to his love and you refused to let it go this time. You lied when you said when you didn't want him, and you yanked the paper towards you. Only it didn't come to you as a whole.

It ripped in half.

"Look what you did," Jeongin said, not realizing the weight of his words.

Look what you did, ____, You scolded yourself. You messed it up again.

That was the last straw. You were tired and frustrated and still heartbroken. You crouched down, head in your hands and tears slipping down your cheeks. You were nothing left but sniffles and sobs and torn pages and haunted by the word, "pretty".

"It's not fair," You choked out. "Why did you do this to me?"

"____," Jeongin had calmed down and reached out to you. "I'm sorry."

"No you're not," You told him. "Why did you send that if you didn't want to be with me anymore? What was the point of reminding me?"

Jeongin took a deep breath, gathering up whatever courage he had left. "Who says I don't want to be with you anymore? That's why I wrote you the letter. I'm just... not sure if you still want to be with me."

You didn't cut him off, so Jeongin took that as a chance to continue.

"I still think about you all the time. I wasn't sure how I felt about you when we were dating because we were both inexperienced and we rushed into things. That's not your fault, so don't think it was. I was the one who immediately said yes when you asked me out. I realized now that I did like you then and I still love you now, but at the time, I didn't know at all how to differentiate romantic feelings from platonic ones. I shouldn't have immediately said yes, I should've waited at least a day to confirm with myself that I did like you. If I hadn't rushed the both of us into something, we wouldn't have broken up. There wouldn't have been doubts or insecurities or anything wrong with us." Jeongin continued to rub your back soothingly. He was relieved that you had stopped shaking. "I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for making you feel like everything was your fault. And I'm sorry that you received a letter from me, because all it did was make things worse between us."

"Jeongin, I- I still love you too," You managed to get out.

It was in that moment that Jeongin realized he had said that he loves you. He gritted his teeth and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

"But I need more time," You told him.

"I understand that." He nodded his head and gave you a small smile. "But can I walk you home?"

You nodded, and took the hand he offered to help you up off the ground. It felt like the first time again.

Jeongin barged into his younger brother's room. "Were you looking through my stuff?"

"Yes," His brother responded, scribbling into his notebook and ignoring the urge to give his older brother eye contact. "I was helping mom clean in your room."

"Why did ____ receive a letter I wrote ages ago before we broke up?" Jeongin crossed his arms, demanding an answer.

Jeongin's little brother blinked twice before turning to him shocked. "You wrote that before you guys broke up? It looked recent so mom sent me to the mailbox to drop it off."

"Well thank you for mailing it," Jeongin tried to end the conversation, but his brother pressed on.

"Oh I know why it looked recent," His brother have him a sly smile. "You kept it in good condition since that was the only thing of ____ you had left before they dumped you." Jeongin's little brother chuckled, going back to his notes. Then a thought popped into his mind. "Wait. Why are you thanking me?"

"No reason. Just, thank you," Jeongin told him sincerely. "Now stop touching other people's mail."

"Hey, what?" The younger was confused. "I don't understand you-" But Jeongin was already out of the room and heading back to his.

Jeongin sat at his desk in front of his bedroom window, and looked at his half of the ripped love note. He smiled to himself. He had written the letter ages ago and wanted to mail it to you as a cute gesture, but you had broken up with him the day after he had written it, and demanded all of your stuff back.

Jeongin held up his half, analyzing the piece of paper. He had the ending of the letter.

The boy caught sight of you at your bedroom window, staring from across the complex. You held up your half and smiled at him.

You had the start of the letter.

( THE LETTER )

I know this is sudden, ____.

But I wanted to send this to you because you mean a lot to me, more than I initially thought. I just want to talk to you all the time, and thinking about you puts the biggest smile on my face. I want to send you letters like this every week. No, everyday. And I want to fill your mailbox up with love notes and other things I hope you'll find adorable and wholesome so that when you go outside to open it, it explodes in an endless supply of my affection and my words kind of just fall around you. And you can think, "Wow, Jeongin really likes me. He likes me." Because I do like you.

Okay. That was pretty cheesy of me. It's only the truth, though. I have real romantic feelings for you, and I've been thinking about how much I like you for awhile now.

I remember when you stomped up the steps to the platform of the L train just a few months ago. You looked pissed and about ready to kill me. I won't lie to you, I was fearing for my life and I thought, "This is it. This is how I go. At the hands of a beautiful human." But you didn't kill me. You grabbed me by my shirt collar and you gave me a quick kiss and said, "I like your stupid ass." Not the most romantic confession, but it's the only confession I've ever gotten. It's the only confession I want and need.

And I remember you tripping and falling right after. I wanted to carry your bookbag for you, but you wouldn't let me. We kept asking each other why. "Why can't I carry it?" I asked, "Why do you want to carry it?" You asked. "Because I want to," I would say and then you would yell at me and tell me to give your bookbag back. We looked like ten-year-olds.

The train had pulled in and you tried to grab my hand and lead me inside, but you tripped over my foot and fell down instead. You fell so hard you started crying and I panicked inside. But when I rubbed your back and asked if you were okay, you said you were upset that you made me miss the train. I offered you my hand and you took, and now, I want to hold your hand forever.

So yeah, I like you a lot. I'm sorry it took so long for me to say it. I can't wait to see where we go from here.

With love, Jeongin.

106 notes · View notes

saturatedboy · 4 years ago

Text

I was in the mood to write some angst-fluff writing for Donna Beneviento x M!reader so I hope you all enjoy if you chose to read it ^^ (This one shot can be found on my wattpad account Nerd_Dragon_Writes)

Mentions:

Just a sad fluffy chapter

This is a male!reader

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Narrator’s POV

(Y/n) was minding his own business tinkering away at fixing the recently broken rocking chair that Angie, the loud and hyperactive doll, loved to bits- literally. Once Angie was sat in the rocking chair you barely could get her out of it. Angie adored the way it would rock, she found it better when her owner Donna would read a book beside her as (Y/n) would gently rock the chair as he normally sat beside it on the ground. However due to some disagreement over the outside world, Angie had thrown a fit and out of anger had broken the chair. Donna on the other hand had silently backed away out of the room and went somewhere in the small mansion to have space to herself. Mostly likely from the distress and headaches she most likely was getting, (Y/n) could only guess.

As (Y/n) hammered in the very last piece of cork into the wooden frame, the all well knowing screech of the wedding dressed doll came from the left side of his ear. "You fixed itttt!" She carried out, floating around the male and sitting in it after getting herself comfy in it. "Ahhhhh! It so good!" Giggling and quickly flying out of the rocking chair, Angie had rammed herself into (Y/n) and engulfed him in a hug as her small wooden arms could reach. The attempt at a hug had lead (Y/n) laughing slightly at her excitement and appreciation. Moving his arm, (Y/n) had cradled the doll with one arm under her to support her weight and used his other hand to gently pat the top of her veiled head. "You're very welcome. It's the least I could do for you after you and Donna didn't kill me-"

A finger was pressed against his lips, the doll's face had a serious look- one that you wouldn't expect Angie to even be able to create from knowing her having a really expressive emotions of being positive. "You were fun to play with and Mother Miranda did say that if you did somehow survive we could keep you for our own needs~ Ow! Hey no fair!"

With an outstretched pointing finger, the male had flicked the doll on her head to keep her thoughts to herself. He was left with a a small frown from the small doll in return."Sooo?" She dragged out, looking up at the male with a sad glint in her eyes. "Shouldn't you go find Donna, I'm sure she's still upset with earlier."

Sighing, (Y/n) could only nod however he didn't move from his spot on the floor next to the chair. He didn't know why but he felt like Donna didn't want to see him at the moment after the disagreement earlier. "Why don't you both want me to leave- I'll only be going down the the village to go collect some materials?"

Angie had stayed quiet, thinking on how she should word her next words since she didn't want their new playmate to go and leave them after hearing what she had to say. Squirming her way out of his arm, she heaved herself out and floated in front of (Y/n), twiddling her fingers. "You've been with us for a while now and Donna had the sudden idea of maybe you wanted to be a fam-"

"I apologise for my sudden departing. I did not mean to worry you." A soft voice came from behind, the sound of small patters could be heard to along with some scattering on the floor. Turning around, (Y/n) could only be met with a heard of smaller puppets and dolls crawling, running and even skipping towards him with welcoming smiles. However past them, The Lady of the mansion stood with her veil covering her face and still in her black gown stitch and created from her sorrows.

As the dolls climbed onto (Y/n), he could only fight against their resistance to be able to stand up. However with the help on Angie moving some, he finally managed to stay standing with at least a total of twelve dolls hanging and clinging onto him. Taking a step forward, the male had smiled in joy seeing the other stand before him. "Donna," (Y/n) had spoken out gently, using a hand to lift a doll that was about to fall off him back onto his shoulder. "I wish to speak of today's event, however I had no intentions to mean to upset you or Angie."

Donna moved to lay against the door, her shoulder slightly making ridged movements every now again. With worried eyes, (Y/n) continued stepping forward until he was right in front of the doll maker. Being face to veil, the male had tilted his head gently, his smile still plastered sweetly onto his face. "May I take your veil up please?"

As the request left (Y/n) lips, Donna raised a hand to her veil and pressed it against her face. The sudden feeling of self-conscious had fled around her body and made a sudden noise of a sniffle come out from her. She hadn't revealed her face to anyone in a while- except Angie and her own creations. "Ma, it will be okay." Angie had floated next to her owner, whispering to her after that so (Y/n) couldn't hear what she was saying. It seemed it worked though because next thing he saw was Angie backing away with a her hands rapidly shaking happily.

Moving her hand down, Donna had pulled the black sheet up, letting her stray hairs from a bun she had stick to her face. Her pale skin had turned a cherry red on her cheek bones, her eye had steamed up with a blur and a light streak of water and sweat had trail down her face. Shyly looking away from embarrassment, Donna had focused herself on staring at the door frame, running her finger up and down the wood not caring is she would receive a splinter from it. With wide eyes in both wonder and enchantment, (Y/n) spoke out, "Lady Donna- You're-!"

"I'm hideous. This is what happened to me after the...incident." Biting her bottom lip and splitting it a small amount, she scrunched her eye up and stopped running her finger up and down the frame. Breathing deeply, she gathered the courage to stare at the other with a forced tone of happiness and curved lips "I didn't want you to leave because I thought I had everything back. I thought you would like to be a family. We acted like one and I believed that, you were the one to fix everything."

Angie looked at (Y/n) to see his reactions. Although she couldn't do that much in the very moment, all she knew was that the fate of everyone in that house, was laid in the male's hands. Using his hand to place the dolls and puppets on him onto the ground, he walked forward towards Donna and grabbed her chin gently with one hand and used the other to stroke her cheek-leaving Donna to be very flustered. "Oh Donna, hideous is no way to describe a women who laughter is the most perfect composed music to ever exist. Hideous is no way to describe a women who's hands fit perfectly with my own and create the most alluring pieces of art in my opinion."

"But!-" Her argument was cut short with a gentle kiss against her cheek. With her mouth left hanging open slightly and Angie laughing in the background, she felt sudden comfort wrap around her frame and brought her closer to them.

"And hideous is no way to describe the women who deserves a family which I am willing to hopefully be accepted in." (Y/n)'s soft whispers in her ear had left her speechless. It felt like the first time in forever she felt safe in the arms of someone. No more hiding herself away from the guilt she thought she deserved to feel. The warmth and sweet smell of flowers that came off (Y/n) had made those thoughts stop, like they were just stories from a fairy-tale. Slowly lifting her own arms up, she rested her head between the shoulder-blade and neck of her other, hugging tightly and letting tears that showed compassion and love fall from he eyes. Opening them slightly, she was met with Angie sitting back in her rocking chair and the other dolls and puppets surrounding her as she read a book to them, trying to mimic Donna when she would show the pages when reading.

It was Donna's turn to sniffle out a giggle when she watched Angie struggle with turning the page since it was so far away from her. Pulling out of the loving embrace (Y/n) was giving her, she moved her hand down to wrap around his hand and gently brought them both of them over to the chair. "Would you like me to read it Angie?" She asked watching the bride doll swell in happiness and nodding swiftly.

"Yes please mama!" She screeched out, jumping out of the chair and moving the other creations about so she could sit down on the floor with them. Donna let go of (Y/n)'s hand but once again she was left without words as he kissed her cheek again. "Ooooo~ mama and papa are kissing each otherrrr~" Angie sang out, leaving the room to be filled with other voices from the other creations. Feeling flustered and worried that them words aren't correct, she stand corrected when (Y/n) had sat down in the rocking chair and gently pulled her onto his lap. His arms once again wrapped around her as he leaned his head onto her shoulder looking at the others.

"I'm just showing my love to my wife, is that an issue children?" He said leaving the doll's to quickly quieten down, only a few whispered were left.

"Wife?" Donna muttered and she moved her eye to stare down at the other.

"That is, if you'll let me love you?" (Y/n) asked slowly. Donna smiled, a real smile and nodded.

"That's more than fine by me," She said as she felt her heart race in speed.

"Well that's good now can we hear the storyyyy?" Angie whined out, crossing her arms in a huff as she let the book lay in front of her. Donna turned to her and nodded.

"Of course you can."

Within the office room was the two new lovers. Donna was still in her mourn clothing, however pinned to the clothing where a breast pocket may of been was a flower. A daisy to be precise to signify new beginnings for her and (Y/n). Donna had leaned back against a green leather sofa facing the projector in the room. The faint noise of snoring was heard above in the more safer rooms, the snores and sounds were mostly likely coming from her creations of her handy craft.

Soon a pair of footsteps had lead in her way, only for them to stop and the sound of a sneeze coming out. Donna looked behind her to see (Y/n) walking towards her with two glasses of water. Gently giving her one from behind the sofa, (Y/n) had walked around and sat next to her, him taking a sip of water. "Say Donna," (Y/n) had started, turning to face her. "How do you feel about you coming out with me tomorrow. We don't have to go to the village so instead how about we explore? That way we both get what we want. I go outside and you don't have to worry about me leaving hm?"

Donna stayed quiet, focusing on drinking her water. She normally wasn't much of a talker but she talked so much today that she felt breathless. Bringing her glass down from her lips, she sighed.

"Maybe," she spoke out. A short laughter was heard from the other as he leaned behind himself and placed his glass on the table behind. After he gracefully wrapped an arm around Donna and brought her into a side hug which she was more than happy to accept and snuggle into.

"Don't worry my love," (Y/n) spoke out as he gave her a kiss on her forehead, letting his lips linger there for while to pull away soon after with a toothy grin. "I understand my maker."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

#donna beneviento #resident evil #resident evil 8 #angie the doll #resident evil donna #writing #oneshot #wattpad

42 notes · View notes

avnkin · 5 years ago

Text

undrunk - jj.m

Warnings: angst, underage drinking, mentions of sex, kinda toxic relationship & mentions of substances.

Word Count: 2.5k

This fic is based of the song Undrunk by Fletcher

gif is by the talented @toesure <3333

Wish I could get a little un-drunk so I could un-call you

At five in the morning, I would un-fuck you.

JJ Maybank was your ex, the two of you had broken up almost a month ago but still always managed to find each other when you were intoxicated, ending up wrapped in each other’s arms at late hours of the night. One of you always being gone the next morning.

He’d broken up with you because he felt he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, but it was borderline impossible for the two of you to cut off all communication.

When you were together a part of you always knew this wasn’t how it was supposed to be, but you loved him so you started finding excuses for all of the things he did and the stuff he put you through.

At one point you had even started asking yourself, what did I do that made him leave? It wasn’t right but you couldn’t help it, the manipulative thoughts clouded your mind like a drug.

To go from being so involved with him on such an intimate level, to then, becoming a complete stranger and having no part of his life was a pain you couldn’t even begin to describe.

The first time it had happened was after almost three weeks of being apart. You weren’t doing any better from the day he’d ended it, your tear-stained cheeks stuck on the screen before you, when suddenly what you thought was a ray of sunshine lighting up the darkness that had consumed you appeared.

He’d knocked on your window like he’d done so many times before but this time it was different. He didn’t tell you how much he loved you as he hungrily kissed you and tore your clothes off.

He barely even looked at you as he spent the night with you, making sure the two of you were on the same page when he finished, stating that he didn’t want to be in a relationship again but wanted to continue sleeping together and you had agreed even though every part of your body was telling you not to.

You loved him and thought that being with him in some way was better than not being with him at all.

But you knew it was only so long until one of you was bound to break this endless cycle of running back to each other.

Honestly, this party's over

Everyone here shoulda gone home

But I’m afraid of being sober

As you stumbled home after yet another party, you felt tears well up in the corner of your eyes, having nothing left to distract you, no substance, alcohol, or fling to silence your thoughts about the boy who had held your heart and crushed it.

It was the feeling after you’ve hosted a pregame or a party and everybody’s gone and the only thing that’s left are the wounded soldiers. Just you and your drunken thoughts, swirling around in your head.

You’d endured this feeling so many times after the breakup and you tried so hard to cover it up with anything you possibly could, but it was like a virus, that just keeps on coming back.

So once again you found yourself standing in front of his window lightly tapping your nail onto it waiting for him to appear and let you in.

When the curtains lifted you felt sane again, seeing his face as he smiled down at you before pushing the window open allowing you to climb in.

His lips were on yours within seconds as he hurriedly went to remove all items of clothing that covered your body, desperate for your touch.

You didn’t fully realize it then but every time he kissed you and touched you it would take out a tiny piece of your heart, knowing that this was all it would ever be.

The morning after you’d woken up in a haze, his ring clad fingers resting on your stomach as he lay peacefully beside you, his blonde hair sprawled all over the pillow beneath him.

‘Fuck’ you thought once memories from the previous night started flooding back into your mind. You carefully lifted his arm off of you and started searching for your clothes, which had been thrown all over the place the previous night.He’d woken up when you’d accidentally tripped over your shoe as you tried to get it on.

“Shit” you mumbled when he started propping himself up onto his elbows, furrowing his eyebrows at you.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice raspy as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

“Leaving?”

It was more of a question than an answer but he just shrugged his shoulders turning his back towards you as he continued his slumber. You sighed as you twisted the doorknob, taking one last glance at him before shutting the door and walking out to your car.

So I squeeze out the lime on the ice of my drink

And the juice hits the cuts on my fingers

It still doesn't burn as much as the thought of you

Sarah was throwing a little get together and you had been fine through most of the night, feeling that maybe, just maybe, you were finally starting to get over him. Finally not feeling the need to look at your phone every few minutes to see if he had texted you or go on to his Instagram to see if he had posted a picture of him and another girl.

You’d been helping Sarah gather shot glasses for everyone when you’d accidentally dropped one, cutting your finger as you attempted to pick up the broken pieces of glass sprawled all over the kitchen floor.

Sarah had told you not to worry about it simply grabbing a vacuum and quickly cleaning it up before ushering you into her living room where you all sat in a circle beginning to play truth or drink.

You stared down at your newly cut finger, watching as the blood trickled down it and into your palm, it hurt like a bitch, but you didn’t pay it any mind, pouring salt onto your backhand smiling up at Sarah as she passed you a shot glass filled to the brim with tequila.

“Alright Y/N, your turn” Topper stared devilishly at you before looking over at Rafe who gave him a wink, furrowing your eyebrows at the silent exchange.

“How many people have you had sex with?” he raised an eyebrow taking a swig off his beer as Rafe gave him a thumbs up causing you to only roll your eyes in response.

“Ew Top seriously?” Sarah huffed crossing her arms over her chest, “you don’t have to answer that” she directed at you, hitting Topper in the back of the head making you giggle.

“Wasn’t going to” you chuckled, licking the salt off your hand and downing the devil's drink, scrunching your face as the liquid burned your throat.

You quickly reached out for one of the lime wedges with the hand you’d cut earlier and as your finger touched it you winced the juice going into your fresh wound the cheers of your friends fading out as you suddenly began to think that not even this burned as much as thinking about him does.

I wish I could un-kiss the room full of strangers

So I could un-spite you, un-lose my temper

But some things you can't undo

And one of them's you.

After a relationship ends everybody goes through a different healing process, for you it was definitely seeking attention from somebody else, needing to feel wanted again, because it momentarily ‘convinced’ you that you were fine.

But you soon realized that no matter what you did or who you kissed no one could compare to JJ, the sad realization hitting you as a boy you didn’t know the name of let his hands wander all over your body.

His touch didn’t send shivers up your spine as JJ’s did and his lips on yours didn’t make you feel butterflies in your stomach.

You just felt empty as he whispered endless compliments in your ear, cutting him off by reconnecting your lips with his, hoping that it would fill the void inside of you.

You wished nothing more than to go back to all the times you’d slept with JJ after you’d broken up and taken it back, wishing you’d never have let him waltz back into your life after he single-handedly destroyed it.

I'm afraid to turn the lights on

I don't wanna face this rebound

Is it weird if I come over?

I want to, but I know that she's around

You couldn’t stop thinking about all the other girls he’d probably slept with by now, doing whatever with whoever.

It was that sick feeling that just kept on coming back, sticking with you from the time you woke up and to the night when your head hit the pillow, “what did he do last night?”

“It doesn’t matter, I shouldn’t care” those were the two things you were mostly battling with, caring but pretending that you didn’t.

One time you’d been hanging out with Kie, she’d invited you to come and eat dinner with her at The Wreck, stating that you’d spent little to no time together since you and JJ had ended things.

You, of course, agreed, driving over to the restaurant, practically running into Kie’s arms as she engulfed you in a tight hug.

The pair of you quickly sat down enjoying a plate of hamburgers and fries as you caught up with each other.

You couldn’t help but notice every time you mentioned JJ she’d tense up, panic settling on her face, always dodging the questions or changing the subject.

“Kie what’s going on?” you finally asked tired of her strange behaviour.

“What do you mean?” she tried to write you off but you wouldn’t let her, pestering her until she finally broke. “Okay fine look I really didn’t want to be the one to tell you this but- uhm... JJ’s been seeing someone.” You froze dropping the food you’d been holding as you stared wide eyed at her, “Wait... I don’t know if there’s actually anything to it- I mean you know him, he’s probably just sleeping with her until he finds someone else, you know?” she tried to comfort you before realising how insensitive that sounded, “Oh shit! No, wait that came out wrong!”

“Kie it’s okay, I don’t care,” you lied, pasting on a fake smile as you grabbed a french fry from her plate and placed it into your mouth.

“A-are you sure?” she hesitantly asked furrowing her eyebrows, not quite believing your words. You only nodded in response and she quickly dropped the subject, thankfully, you knew if you’d had talked about it any longer you would have started crying.

So when you finally arrived home you let your tears fall free, now convinced nothing could fill that void inside you except JJ.

Been through every emotion

Right now, I'm sad and broken

Like the bottles on the floor, but I'm too buzzed to clean 'em up

Self love was something you had always struggled with and sometime after the breakup you’d finally realized that it was impossible to love somebody else if you didn’t love yourself.

You didn’t love yourself when you were with JJ so you depended on him to make you feel the love you couldn’t provide for yourself and it was only after you got out of it that you gained that perspective, aside from going out and partying, you really had to take the time to do a self dive and ask yourself. Am I good? The answer definitely being no.

You slowly but surely started doing the things that you loved again, surrounding yourself with the people that made you feel like the best you.

It was a roller coaster of emotions. One day you’d be totally fine, reassuring yourself that you could do this but the next you’d be curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor of your shower or crying in a stall at a restaurant or a bar.

And it was at your lowest points that you’d run back to JJ or let him come to you, spending the night with him only made you feel better temporarily but in the long run you knew it was what was hurting you the most.

Wish I could get a little un-drunk

So I could un-love you

“I can’t do this anymore J” you frowned as you got out of his bed, untangling yourself from his tight embrace, he looked at you confused eyebrows contorted.

“What exactly do you mean?” he asked propping himself up onto his elbows as he stared intently at you, tears beginning to well up in the corner of your eyes as you finally realized that you had to end this, you couldn’t keep doing this to yourself.

“I mean this, JJ,” you said, gesturing between the two of you, “Whatever it is, I can’t do it anymore!” You shook your head, hurriedly gathering your things wanting to get out of there as soon as possible.

“Wait Y/N,” he pleaded, getting out the bed, grabbing your wrists, turning you to face him. “Why?” he finally asked, his voice just below a whisper.

“Because, I love you too much and it hurts to see you leave, it hurts to see you with somebody else and I can’t keep trying to convince myself that one day we can go back to the way things were, because I know that’s not what you want.”

This was without a doubt one of the hardest things you’d ever had to do, but you knew this had to be done or you’d just end up hurting yourself even more.

So you left him standing alone in his room, not giving him a chance to talk as you stormed out of his house and into your car, sobs racking through your body as you let your head rest on your steering wheel.

You took a deep breath before placing your keys in the ignition, beginning the long drive from The Cut and into Figure 8.

It was raining pretty heavily and as the calming sound of the rain droplets hitting the top of your car you began to realize your relationship with JJ made you who you were, it taught you a lesson and you learned from it, growed from it, even though it was really hard to see it when you were in the thick of it.

But once you gained some perspective, you began to see things a lot more clearly, realizing that JJ was a really important part of your journey.

You wouldn’t go back in time and undo the relationship, because it had taught you so much about yourself that you didn’t know that you needed to so you finally drove back home, leaving JJ behind, even though it physically hurt you to do so.

This was for the best.

Thank you @angellissy & @harrysbbby for helping me with my grammar!!!! I love y’all💓💓

#outer banks #jj maybank #rudy pankow #outer banks netflix #jj #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x reader #jj obx #jj x reader #outer banks fanfiction #rudy pankow x reader #rudy pankow imagine #jj outer banks #kiara carrera #john b imagine #rafe cameron #rafe cameron imagine #pope heyward imagine #pope heyward

442 notes · View notes