#i don't have much i want to post rn bc i've been in writing block mode
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apocalypticdemon · 20 hours ago
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i am once again asking if people post snippets of their fics before they're done. genuinely cannot tell if it's common practice or not. or just irritating. legitimate question
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lastoneout · 9 months ago
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I don't really know exactly why I'm posting this, I guess I just want to share my joy, but y'all...the nerve block worked. My migraine went down a little over the night so I was only at like a 1.5-2 but I swear to god the second they were done EVERY SINGLE PART of my head stopped hurting. The only pain I'm feeling rn is at the injection site and a smidge in my jaw, but that's not a huge deal bcs I know the steroids take a long time to do their thing and I usually have pain around the injection site when they do this in my back, plus I did already suspect something like 10% of my migraines aren't entirely due to my neck, but like...it worked. It fucking worked.
I've been living with chronic migraines my entire life, and in the last five years, they've gotten so bad that I can't work and have to cancel streams and hangouts with friends all the time. I have migraines more days than I don't and I've never been able to find out what my trigger is aside from not sleeping well and eating lays potato chips(rip I miss them so much) or gluten or being on my period?? and on some days I'm in so much pain I can't even feed myself or shower. 8-10 is the norm, they don't go lower on their own, they NEVER go away on their own, no matter how much time I spend lying in bed in the dark with icepacks on my face. My migraine rescue meds don't always work, or they work for a day and then it comes back, and I seem to be fucking Immune(tm) to Excedrin and ibuprofen. All that together has legit been ruining my entire life.
And I am not even a little ashamed to admit that once they were done and asked how I felt I broke down sobbing in the exam room because it WORKED. Instantly. Years of pain and agony and no help from my doctors, of blaming a medical condition that treatment hasn't fixed, telling me to limit screen time and lose weight, forcing me to try 50 different medications none of which help, of spending long nights in the ER hoping they can fix me even though it's typically a 50/50 chance....and now it's over. I don't have to do that anymore. They fixed it. They fixed it.
I'm crying right now as I write this. I never thought this was possible. Like I believed that it was my neck and my doctors agreed, but I was so worried that this would all be for nothing, I didn't think it would work, I know most disabled people dream of finding the One Thing that's causing all their problems even though most of us never do, but I guess luck decided to smile on me this day, this is what's causing my problems and it's treatable. It's over. I found the path out of this hell and it was the right one. I don't even know what to do, what to say. I'm so happy I can't even be happy, all I can do is cry because the hardest part is over.
There's still work to be done, but the path is clear. And honestly @ any gods that are listening, please grant this to my fellow disabled people. They deserve to feel this, we all do.
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maibluemen · 3 months ago
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it's been a hair over a year since i last posted any fic/updated last light (look. i know the exact date bc it's also my sister's birthday i swear i have not actually been obsessing over this lol). i'll probably? be able to update this month, the next chapter is mostly done and then needs to be edited. mostly i need to sit down and just write it lol
it's felt a lot like the past couple of years, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong, and it sucks to add all of that to a laundry list of pre-existing mental health Issues (the combo of adhd/depression/ocd deserves a special place in hell). social media has been....really rough, especially with the ocd. i simply don't have spoons to deal with it much and it doesn't take a lot to make me spiral in such a way i've nearly called 911 on myself a few times. i've unfollowed and blocked people over genuine grievances but also because i simply can't deal with it. and i'm going to keep doing that, and likely cycling between using socmed a fair amount and avoiding it for long stretches of time. i'm going to keep running the horror week, tho i think i'm going to have to put a pin in rusliet week for the time being, btwn my mental health and feeling really pessimistic about participation for numerous reasons (mostly the mental health tho, and also not knowing what my schedule is actually going to look like any more than a week out at a time atm). and all of this isn't getting into everything that's been going on offline either lol
but i did want to say that i appreciate everyone who has stuck with me, and stuck with my fics. and especially thanks to the people who comment, seeing ao3 emails about getting a comment have made me tear up lol and there's some of you i need to still reply to on ao3 proper but for now please take my thanks here
i also wanted to say that although i haven't posted in (just over) a year doesn't mean i haven't written, either, because i write things out of order and also write snippets of other things....if i can find my outline for the fra/pol/pru murder mystery fic, i'd like to start working on that for real and have it up by halloween, and then also get back to working on oneshots, too. and rework the LL outline...i was going to do that in scriv but i'm a bit hesitant to pay for scriv rn so i might be messing around with pen and paper a bit before typing it up nicely in word lol....anyway. i haven't actually lost interest in writing fic, though there are definitely patches there....but these story ideas and characters live in my head rent free and what can i say i like to write! so it will be exorcised from me eventually lol
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pinkwinesupernovas · 4 months ago
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(this is a lot of yapping sorry in advance babe)
dear zel,
i miss you rn so i'm writing this for you in english class and probably the class afterwards knowing me, (edit in printmaking period two, yes i am still writing this hehe)
i'm gonna be totally honest i'm literally writing my english assesment about you bc i was lost for inspiration and the promt fit soooo it's about our freindship hehe ily. i'm not totally sure if i'll submit this one for the final thing but writing about you makes me happy which is sappy as hell but i don't feel embarassed abt it bc you make me feel very safe to be embarrassingly sappy with you <3 i will send you the thing eventually even if i don't hand it in for marking but i don't think i'm allowed to post it cause it's school related so i'll send it on discord when i finish the first draft hehe <3 (i wrote 600 words about you in one hour that is lowkey scary)
also i'm going to yap about you nowww because i love youuuu mwah <3
i'm literally so glad we're friends, i'm not sure what our first interaction was but i think it was for your event?? and i am forever grateful for it i'm so glad we're friends you're literally one of my fav people i've met on this app i love you with my whole heartttt
one thing i loveee abt you is that i don't feel scared to spam your asks or tag you in one million things, idek what it is but you make me feel very safe to be sappy and clingy and i love that bc with most people i overthink whether i should send them things but with you i don't even hesitate bc ik you'll respond well and i love thatttt <3 you also match my enthusiasm and send lots of asks back and i love that sm <3
i literally adore talking to you bc you're such a sweet and kind person i'm lowkey in awe of it like how is one person so lovely you just light up the world ugh i love you sm, you're so fun to talk to and i just love you smmm (i hate timezones but six hours will not seperate us i love yapping with you too much)
alsooo just so you know, in my mind we're in a field of flowers together picking flowers and yapping while we eat pastries from a cute little bakery and drink like iced matcha or something that's my dream <333 i wish we could live closer bc i just know i'd love baking with you and stargazing and just dong cute little things whenever we wanted, just know that whenever i like your posts thats actually me mentally giving you a flower or two bc ily <3
also what i feel for you can be kind of wrapped up with a few songs so here: birds of a feather by billie, glue song by bea and clairo, the last one by maisie, feels like by gracie, and lots more but those are the songs that i can't listen to without thinking of you <3
ahhhhhh i'm still at school and stupid school wifi blocks tumblr AND discord (i've tried literally EVERY vpn i can it's so annoying ughhh) so i'll have to send this when i get home but just know i was thinking of you allllllll day at school and i miss you and i love you sm <3
okayyy this is written proof that i'm literally a proffessional yapper i've been adding to this on my notesapp throughout the day so i'm going to shut up now byeee i love you i'll send this when i get homeee <3
don't apologize oml
ALSO ARE YOU KIDDING ME IM GOING TO CRY LUCY THIS ACTUALLY MEANS SO MUCH TO ME you're not real
omg you wrote about us??? i would love love love to read it 🥹
you're right our first interaction literally was for my event which im so grateful for omg!!! cause we'd been moots for a while but i was very scared to interact w you but you engaged w my event and it made soooo happy
you're adorable and this right here made my whole day, i was feeling very sick in the morning and throughout the afternoon which HAS NOW DISAPPEARED SEEING ALL YOUR NOTIFS literally beaming w happiness rn
i love you so much, wayyy more than how much words can convey <333
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avidaraku · 11 months ago
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Hi!!!! ʕ •̀ o •́ ʔ
welcome to my pinned post I honestly still dont know what to do with my blog like ever but still :) nice stuff. This blog contains whatever the fuck I reblog, including fandom and 18+ stuff - I do not tag my porn reblogs so if you're following me for fandom things, this is an all in one blog bc i do what i want <3 you are warned! leave if you dislike my beloved freak blog
|・ω・)
just be nice and kind babygirls, that's all i ask of <3 human decency lets go!!!! (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)
my ao3 account is https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daimashiko :) I like writing porn, my brain is constantly on khr mode :) I also never have any consistent name for my accounts, so thats also why my names are different. Hi to any discord friends who know me from well, discord <3 im sure u guys are familiar with my socials in this case
TAGS. ─=≡Σ((( つ><)つ /(>×<)\
#my art (very self explanatory I am not a creative person with names?? sorryyyyy - i also considered making my art tag into artvidaraku but like. thats too much effort jklsjgkldKJDF:SJ:JKL:JK:LDG ;;)
#khr (that is my main fandom ofc <333 - overlaps with my art but also other people's khr stuff so haha... its a mess but oh well)
#poll (i like answering them! or just reblogging polls i wanted to volunteer in but its too late </3)
#lotta tags (i tend to comment a lot in tags but these are the ones where i usually write like. a lot of commentary to the point im like ohhhh i should tag this right? curious if anyone's ever went through them but also i've never talked abt these things so. oopsssss <3 - lot of it is kinda sad / depressing but usually i am pretty reflective. kinda?)
#animals (self explanatory. i love me some fucking creatures. respect nature babygirls i adore them fellas <3)
#tumblr classic (i love getting to see the classics / things i'd personally consider a classic on my feed)
#fandom (this one's pretty commonly used! yadda yadda, talks abt fanfic and stuff / sometimes i get disappointed with fandom but that's not new lol)
#fashion (i don't use this as much as I should be?? but if you want to check out what i think is fun / a vibe <3)
#avidarecs (****i literally just made this on impulse so there's not much rn but i want to share more of my recs for things in general! fandom / songs / whatever other thing comes to mind?***// will probably be rarely used? but you never know~)
there might be more tags I haven't included but from the top of my head this is it?? Might add more, i have no clue. But anyways back to my other interests and what I'm into!
media i like: khr (its number one bc i am unable to pry reborn's hands on my stupid silly little soul so i cannot escape even if i wanted to), slay the princess + scarlet hollow (games made by the same studio. i love the art and vibes sooo much and also the fanart is sooo beautiful), Jenna Marbles (i've been obsessed w her stuff recently and I hope she's having a good time w her dogs and Julien :), kpop (honestly its only just loona bc im tired and feel old as fuck despite only being in my 20s so i am not gonna get into another thing lol), and sanrio!!! i love my melody she's a cutie patootie <3
-probably more stuff I like but this post would be a lot longer
I'm certain its obvious but I am a proshipper (also i am always in rarepair hell girl HELP. but also i will chain myself to that random mix of characters without prompting. ah....), if you don't like proshippers, leave my page and block me <3
But anyways my fav tropes (i definitely have more i just cant think of them but in general im chill with lots of stuff!)
incest (i am so fr when i say somehow i always revolve around incest ships they're just soooo good. my brain is absolutely destroyed in favor of tasty fucking food. shout out to incest shippers you guys rock luv yall :3)
age gap / size difference (these tropes are lovers and they're already fucking each other within one yard of each other. good fucking food yk?)
any toxic/problematic food (necro + lolisho rights!!!) in general. i am just. yeahhhhhhhhhhh MMMM LOAD THAT SHIT UP. i also have very little memory but still whatever
genderbend - i know it's a dwindling trope in popularity but there is nothing better than mindlessly turning a guy chara into a girl like wow..... so hot.... <3 this has also been a long time trope i've adored and i'll probably never stop using it bc its just that good for me <3 mmm. girls. cute.
monsterfucker stuff is great! (does this include animal hybrids? im going to include it with that soooo)
i think this is enough, but also before you go explore whatever maze my blog is in bc i cant be bothered enough by my blog, i will also reblog things in tandem to politics / real world things (I support Palestine <3). Am American. Am Mess. But I hope the world is kinder even just a little bit more. This world is cruel, but I hope we can continue to offer each other support and love, even when times are harrowing as always.
(っ ᵔ◡ᵔ)っ have a hug/kiss!!!! (i like gifs hehe)
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dykefever · 1 year ago
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ello laura i do not usually open blocked tags but i did out of curiosity n stumbled across ur post abt the apparent height disk horse that is happening rn (<-blissfully unaware). also this is the ghost of marxismlupinism btw sending as an anon cause on my main blog idk what a semus and ririus is never heard of them cunts.
anyway I wanted to say that yeah basically it's like such a non issue if people are casting r&s into gendered roles, like even if people were genderbending rs into a literal cishet couple I could not care less who gives a shit it's harry potter fanfiction.
that being said I think it's very telling abt the hp fandom that the whole like "writing s as 'feminine' and a bottom comes with him being short" (which btw... i mean I'm sure there's some fanfic like that but I can't say I've really read more than like 5 fics that fit that description? and I've unfortunately read a lot of rs fic lmao... it's literally not hard to avoid. skill issue if you can't filter the fanfic you read to not have it) is portrayed as homophobia against [cis] gay men instead of the obvious transmisogyny it is—ie setting smallness & youth as standards of femininity. that's why so many closeted trans women/trans women who can't access hrt dread growing older, that's why so much emphasis is put on age of transition in transfem spaces, and that's why even gay man spaces have concepts of "twink death", because femininity is understood to be hairless and pretty and dainty and youthful and small and all these standards that are difficult to achieve if you've been through androgenic puberty and/or if you have testes that continue to produce testosterone that continues to masculinise your body as you grow older. portraying s (or any given character ime when it comes to tme fans in fandom spaces) as feminine is seen as going hand in hand with physically feminising him—bc femininity that's not on a feminised body is obviously met with disgust, it's unattractive, it's horrifying, etc. and the obvious source of the tendency to portray feminine male characters this way is that there's only one acceptable form of camab femininity (or "acceptable", even that is very conditional). and yes it does affect cis gays like I said above w how gay men talk about eg "twink death" but that doesn't mean it's not a primarily transmisogynistic impulse to show that, for most of us, femininity is a hopeless cause, it's not allowed, we'll never pass or be beautiful or whatever.
and ftr I'm just complaining, I definitely don't think the solution is to produce More Harry Potter Fanfictions where s is like, tall and hairy and feminine or whatever, knowing the hp fandom I'm sure they'll also turn that into transmisogynistic caricatures too. the only real solution would be for all these ppl to stop reading hp fanfic and start reading transfeminist theory but if ur a harry potter fan in 2023 you're obviously never gonna do that. so. yeah just complaining for the sake of complaining lol not expecting transfeminism to catch on among harry potter fans of all people anytime soon
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hi (redacted)!! actually made sure to tag that post so u and all my other normal followers could avoid it but i respect the curiosity x im sure you've probably seen the height discourse many times over in your time in the fandom and it's the same absolute bullshit every time. i appreciate your additions to this post as a transwoman because i obviously don't have that perspective and you've kind of deepened my understanding of the issues around it n how transmisogyny comes into play here!!
in my prev posts i was kind of addressing, albeit likely not clearly, how people often say they dislike 'short s' as a kind of shorthand for saying they dislike 'fem s', which is really saying (as people dig themselves deeper in their explanations) that they don't like certain aspects of 'femininity' in a man and then spin it to say that it's because they're writing a heteronormative relationship onto a gay couple. i appreciate what you're saying here as well of the issues of the only way to write s as feminine is like small, dainty, hairless etc. and how that is an issue of transmisogyny rather than like homophobia. (correct me if i've misunderstood tho!!)
at the end of the day it definitely like, doesn't matter how people are writing hp characters like no great and impressive change is happening and the fandom is full of too many transphobes for that to be the case. i just don't understand why people are so pressed by these certain characterisations they appear to dislike so bad when i genuinely barely come across these s characterisations they apparently can't escape. like i don't see anything i don't want to because i just unfollow and block people ....it is not that hard like...
anyway thank u for ur contributions ghost of marxismlupinism, i appreciate it xx godspeed xx
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dumbdomb · 2 years ago
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I think if you censor terms they don't show up in searches so your blog wouldn't show up for those searching "Detrans kink" if you changed it to detr*ns kink. I don't want to send an ask without any solid suggestions so maybe that and potentially rearranging the wording to "NO DETR*NS KINK BLOGS" or something because it currently shows the title of your blog in an internet tab as "DETRANS KINK BLOG" so it's sort of more asociating your blog with the search terms. I think the person was trying to explain why using that language uncensored is bringing you more attention from the people you specifically don't want.
rearranging the wording to "no detrans kink blogs" bc adding the word "blog" at the end would prevent the rest from being picked up as keywords? really? is that how the algorithms work now? when did that change happen bc obviously i've missed something if that's the case... this is my current description and pinned (focusing only on one kink).
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this was what i had up BEFORE getting lots of interaction from detrans kink blogs... and is still on my pinned rn:
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when tags get wiped (entire tag search results being hidden, deleted) people often use different spellings and such to avoid censors and allow other users to continue finding their posts. tags are how we used to do things: you could post whatever and it wouldn't be visible to anyone who wasn't following you, or on your blog, unless they saw it in a specific tag they themselves were intentionally searching. many people would tell new users to stop tagging things with hate, especially characters, and use "anti-character name" instead. it has been a huge disservice to the site to make ANY word able to be picked up by the search algorithm and show up in the results as a keyword, even without using any tags (imho).
not to reminisce too much, but we could write posts and not tag things and only our followers and stalkers (what i guess is now called lurkers) would see it. many personal posts would usually be a period punctuation mark and entire rants and venting or info dumping in the tags, and it wouldn't show up in ANY search unless someone was specifically searching tags for that exactly worded phrase. (god, i miss tags being functional so much!!!) that's also why we still generally have a culture of telling people not to write on posts and to "keep it in the tags" instead.
anyway, people self censor to actually continue engaging with a group or community here, so censoring my dni wouldn't be effective. also fyi, censoring things in general use does not allow people to block those tags or posts they want to avoid from showing up (which is another reason why the tagging system worked and was largely controlled and maintained by actual users. sesta fosta really fucked us over big time, imo). a common example of this is like tagging a gif as "flashing gif" which is easy for lots of people to avoid without ever seeing your post, compared to "f145h1ng g1f" which was likely not on a photo sensitive person's blocked tag list and they would only find out after seeing your post on someone else's blog or on their dash.
so. if having a normal, calmly stated dni doesn't work, and having a censored or unusually written dni doesn't work, and typing in all caps everywhere i can like a blaring visual alarm to not interact also doesn't work... then like... are detrans kink blogs incapable of understanding consent and respecting boundaries? but fr, bc i've honestly tried this so many times and my efforts only increased as a RESPONSE to the constant messages i was receiving... why is that on me? is it the way my blog is dressed or what... 🙄
silly commercial voiced psa:
are you a detrans kink blog bothered by my presence in search results bc so many detrans kink blogs have harassed me that now my blog shows up in your orbit? have you tried not harassing a blog that has your kinks listed in their dni? do you get frustrated about having to remake your blog all the time bc you keep harassing people? have you tried respecting other people's boundaries? i think maybe that'd be a good option. <3
also, it's more likely that i'm showing up bc a post of mine keeps getting liked and reblogged by, you guessed it, Detrans Kink Blogs!... i even changed the original post but none of these blogs ever Check The Source ™ 🤷🌸
also also, just for transparency, i don't report blogs. mostly bc i loathe having to block the same person twenty times but i am big on the "block, don't report." if a blog actually has something to be reported, it should not be done through this hell site but to actual gov people ☑
[deep sigh] and another thing... the only reason i have any dni at all is bc people will contact me and project their kinks or preferences onto me. if everyone was chill and respectful, i wouldn't even have detrans kink blogs in my dni. it wasn't on my list when i began this blog, but the more i posted about gender i began to get more attention from these blogs. so i'm really getting a vibe here... and i think that sub-group in the kink community needs to hold each other accountable or be aware that they're creating a safe space for abusers, transphobic and misogynistic people, and conservatives...
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lycheecreature · 1 month ago
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hrhnghgggg vent 👎 don't read this unless ur ready for giant block of whining. tldr:
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I literally feel soooo guilty complaining abt this esp cause I've def done it already in different terms but it's been boiling for so long idk I need to like :/ break it down a little I guess. same shit different day etc etc
I feel like its really fucking with me that as I make larger steps to actually,,, have coherent story content I keep getting excited to share stuff and then I end up super disappointed and fucking embarrassed when it totally flops 💀 esp when I was gonna try and share more of my writing and?? I know I'm not entitled to anyone's time or interest but even friends never got back to me on it and it's like,, yeah realistically I didn't expect everyone to give detailed feedback or even read it necessarily bc yeah ppl are busy I get it and i dont wanna blame anyone,, it's just the fact that I struck out every. single. time!?? Couldnt even get a single one? Even if it was negative feedback, at least I'd have some idea of what I might need to work on.
Now I'm even more self concious about sharing it than I was before, and I don't even know what it is that I'm embarrassed about other than a nebulous sense of "bro nobody cares." And yea i probably *should* try to promote it more! Except now i feel awkward and shameful and concieted for it! But again I don't want to guilt anyone bc its not like,, the fault of any specific person. On an individual level I get stuff slips by and ppl have plenty of their own shit going on, I've def done the same. Plus, if someone was gonna read my stuff, I'd want it to be bc they wanted to and not bc I heckled them into it yknow :/ just makes me sad
Then of course I get super fucking jealous of everyone else who does actually does get praise and attention which also makes me feel like a horrible person. I know part of it is just that I don't have the best social skills (to put it lightly) but mannn. The more this happens to me over and over again the less motivated I feel to try and start conversations. I'm getting real weird and paranoid over it, and it's getting worse the longer I don't talk about it while simultaneously reaffirming my belief that there is no one for me to talk to. Regardless of if that's even fucking true. And because I am Too Sad, I hardly even have the energy to hold a normal fucking conversation.
Idk, I felt like I had a similar dumb angst during artfight. And artfight wasn't even bad for me, esp compared to like the first year i did it when hardly anyone I attacked even acknowledged that I'd done so 🫠 ofc this is 100% *not* the fault of the ppl I attacked!! I had fun interacting w everyone and seeing their stuff! But I was kinda sad that I initiated everything except for an attack from one random person who doesn't follow me. Its like,, I absolutely do not ever expect to be first on anyone's list, but damn I was hoping I could at least be like... eighth or something??( <- petty ass baby complaint. )
Literally the only conclusion I can come to is that I need to train myself better to Never Expect Anything. I'm actually so terrified that I must obviously be an entitled egocentric asshole for getting crazy over this. God. Idk my real life is already very pathetic and lonely rn and I am constantly deeply ashamed of myself for not being better. Can't even blame The Autism for this shit bc apparently so many of the people who are actually able to foster communities also have The Autism. It's literally just a Me problem.
To be clear, I still very much enjoy making things and my little story and I'd be making the things regardless of if I posted them or not so I might as well try to share them. And I'm wellllll past expecting to ever be majorly successful as an artist or anything. Everything's just been making me feel bad lately. Been writing a bit again and I'm glad for that, but then whenever I'm getting too excited about it I have to stop myself and be like "hey man don't get your hopes up. no one's gonna be that into it." I have to remind myself like yeah I knowww it's not marketable it doesn't have everyone's favorite tropes and character archetypes. Even if *i* constantly seek out unusual content I am definitely *not* representative of the general media consuming populace or the art community or the oc community. And i will not fucking change anything just to be more palatable for Consumers. Just wish I wasn't soooo lonelyyyyyyy. Or that I could at least get an idea of what I'm missing here.
Uhhh on the off chance you did read this whole thing PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT FEEL BAD OR GUILTY FOR ANYTHING ABOUT ME I am very mentally ill. idk maybe its the daylight savings. sad ant with bindle dot jpeg.
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ethicallysourcedhumanmeat · 6 months ago
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It's been getting easier to just like exist without them but this last week has been hard and i find myself crying more. I want to tell them about the concert and Ive seen a lot of posts I'd normally send them and now I'm sick and all the things id usually entertain myself with make me think of them and I'm just.
like it sucks bc they were very clear i hadn't done anything wrong and there's this part of my brain that's like mad about it bc like in the fundamental way that we're both different I dont understand why it has to be a hard end
but like regardless here I am knowing there's nothing to fix but feeling like I've done something wrong
and i dont know if i said anything about it here, they unfriended me on socials so i assumed that that was that.
i had asked them to consider just like going back to basics. like the fundamental issue was that they let me run on these surface interaction assumptions and then when they realized how close we were i struggled to adjust to the new rules. i suggested we take heavy topics off the table and just readjust. like i genuinely was writing a song for this person. they said they'd consider it.
they cut me from socials without a word, i assumed that was that and messaged them about getting stuff back etc and got a angry message about not giving them time like, i dunno how they thought i would react to seeing id been soft blocked. its been a month and i want to reach out about the concert but i don't know if they need more time, and i know i cant ask mutuals opinions bc theyve set that as a boundary.
part of me knows shit is really hard for them rn and they're seeing a lot of their friends making changes they're not in a position to make and they've expressed feeling resentful and I'm worried that's happened here. theyve said when i talk about things it feels like I'm bragging or using thrm like a journal but i genuinely just want to share. i feel like their encouragement got me here and i wanted them to be proud of me.
like I am doing good things bc i met them at the right time and I want them to feel good about being the kind of person who can inspire others to achieve their best selves but they can't see it or believe that way and i dunno. it still hurts a lot.
i hope in the long run they can find some place for me in their life but historically people have never been able to tell how much they mean so my hopes aren't high and I dont really have people in my life i can be vulnerable with outside of them so its really sucked to process this on my own.
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vivalas-vega · 1 year ago
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hi lovely!! ♡ I've come once again bearing thots 🤲🏼 this time for hangman bc your jake masterlist is looking scrumptious
so long story short; I went out with an old friend this week and it made me think of how I met her. We were both at a party and I was sitting at the bar stool next to her. This weird guy comes in between us, leaning on the counter and facing her with his back to me, throwing the most disgusting pick up lines ever. When I looked over his shoulder she looked so uncomfortable, so I pretended to be her "old friend from high school" and grabbed her hand so we could get away from the guy. Unfortunately, he followed us and said I was rude for interrupting their "conversation". Moral of the story: he tried to grab her arm and I pushed him to the ground 🧍🏻‍♀️his drunk ass got kicked out and I became friends with her!! ♡
So what does this have to do with my hangman brainrot??? It's because I'm here to push the agenda of Jake having a thing for mean women ☝🏼
Okay, let's say you're in the hard deck and it's a busy night. This weirdo pops up out of nowhere and is trying so hard to get the girl that is sitting next to you. You stand up for her and pretend to be her friend so you can get away from him. He doesn't let up and tries to grab her, so you use all your strength to push him away and he falls to ground with a loud thud, making the bar stop for a second, all eyes on the three of you.
Turns out the girl was Phoenix (or Halo, could be one of them) and the Daggers were already eyeing the guy, but you acted first. And as the guys walk to the harasser to kick him out of the bar, Jake is standing right behind Mickey and Rooster, who are currently the two things stopping you from going after the guy and suckerpunching him right on the nose. And as you're dissing the weird guy & calling him names, Jake's just staring at you in awe, like you're Athena personified right before him, all worried asking Phoenix if she's okay and assuring her that if she wants to, she'll kick his ass for her. And you don't even know her. And suddenly he's all warm and blushing bc you caught him staring.
Would be the cutest meet-cute. Once again jake loves mean women it's canon for me!!!
Sorry I got carried away KWKSKAKEKS I literally loved what you did with my Phoenix request and it would be awesome if you wrote this one too🥺💞 you don't have to, obviously! But if you do, I trust you to work your magic on it ♡ feel free to change it however you want it, love! (btw this could totally work as phoenix x reader too lol)
Sending you so many hugs rn ♡♡♡♡
- Syd ♡♡♡
syd !!!!!! thank you so much for sending this in, I love you so much
okay first of all, always come into my ask box with thots (this applies to everybody !!!)
second of all, I had a similar encounter at the bar recently, except reversed. this dude was being too much, and one glance to the group of girls next to me had them pulling me in and asking where I'd been. I hate that this is such a universal experience, and that we're all familiar with the look and what to do when we get it, but I adore women and the solidarity, and that the response to receiving the look is I've known you forever, you're safe with me. women are top tier and always will be.
third of all, I started writing your request and in typical fashion for me, I've gotten carried away. it has now served as the beginning of a fic that came to me about halfway through writing it so you will be getting this request, plus a little more, in due time. I hope this is okay !!! I cannot tell you where it is going, but I can tell you that I'm excited about it and I'm blocking everything out right now to hopefully start posting soon but I just didn't want to leave this request sitting here for too long !!! (even tho it's already been sitting here for too long, I'm the worst)
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angeltism · 1 year ago
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a little bit of pondering under the cut. nawt quite a vent, but still, just in case somebeing doesn't wish to see it. also this got LONG so long post warning too.
being blocked by a being you think (or thought, at least?) is cool feels terrible!! :<
in general, being blocked by accounts that say "no dni, I just block" feels weird bc I'm.. nawt a bigot, or any other group of people that would typically warrant being blocked (??right????)
And honestly, that would simply just leave "purrhaps this being considers me a double and is uncomfortable with that" which.. okay? I can cope with that, I get it, no worries.
But uhh. When the being then doesn't seem to mind doubles at all? Purrhaps it's just too many doubles and then that feels icky, but otherwise one or two are alright?
But it still does feel odd, right? Like maybe it wasn't anything like that. Maybe I just seem like a "bad" person. Maybe I vent too much. Maybe the being took a glance at my profile and the first few posts just happened to nawt be great ones. Maybe my edit acc following her seemed odd?
I could re-follow as she's switched accounts, but that seems like a shitty thing to do, and will most likely just lead to being blocked again. And normally I wouldn't have even cared, however seeing the being interact with some of my favorite mutuals and wishing I could be a part of the "group" has made me think about this all over again.
I do nawt really feel angry, and I don't feel anything negative towards the being herself, I'm just curious as to why and I've been thinking of it a lot, ig. Although I'm nawt really sure if I'd even want an answer anyways, lest it be something stupid (which means I overthought wayy too much and blew this mega out of proportion) or something that makes me feel worse than I do now (which would actually super mega suck)
And yes this is silly. Like. Writing so much over something so insignificant, I probably seem super sensitive rn, but idk I've just been thinking abt it a lot. Oops.
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walkingstackofbooks · 2 years ago
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Starting to get decision paralysis whenever I go to watch Star Trek 😅 Which, y'know, is great whenever I want to relax and unwind 🙃
(whinge under cut, I'm literally just posting this as it's forcing me to properly write out my feelings so I can get them out of my brain.)
Trouble is, I'm watching Voyager and DS9 kind of concurrently, doing a season of one and then a season of the other. But I like DS9 MORE. So currently watching Voy is always like "but I could be watching DS9".
But also I get far more obsessed with DS9 and far more antsy about not being able to just binge watch it all the time and I'm currently only able to watch like 2 or 3 eps a week max. So Voy is better for me bc I can just watch one episode when I have time and be chill I can't see the next 4 straight away.
Also Julian's my fav, and as I've just got to 5x16 in DS9 and had 3 fairly Julian-heavy episodes in a row I'm guessing the next few may be Julian light and that just gives me weird feels, like I want to be able to watch a block of DS9 so I can definitely get a bit of Julian? But I miss him. It's been like a month.
Also I do want to watch DS9 again even though I haven't finished it yet and that suddenly makes Star Trek feel SO MUCH BIGGER and Hard To Deal With - I thought I'd got over Star Trek being too big as I think I've watched more than half by now.
But the more I put off watching Voy the longer it'll take to get to DS9 again and I do like Voy really, it's just not as arresting, I guess. Which is good in a way, it's nice not being obsessed by literally everything.
I feel this is stupid and I should just want what I want to watch but I although I do want to watch DS9 I also don't really want to fall head over heels into it right now as I don't have the time.
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh brains. they're the worst.
(I'm having a hard time irl and want to have control of something but i can't even have control of my star trek enjoyment rn and I'm just so so done. idek. but i think writing this has helped. maybe. imma go watch voy i think.)
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liyuesbian · 3 years ago
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update: it's only been, what, 8 days of uni but i've already been given a shit ton of work to do and i also have a lot of socials and society stuff and i've applied for a few jobs here and there so i was really contemplating taking a long hiatus to focus on uni bc first year was pretty shit with everything being online and i acc feel like a uni student now!! :DD (i honestly still can't believe i'm doing lectures and running for buses and doing group work in labs) but i love this blog sm... i definitely won't be posting stuff very often as i don't rly go on tumblr that much anymore. i don't even go onto genshin that often either. last time i played was about 2 weeks ago
anyway, i just wanted to say that maybe i'll write short (and i mean short) x readers rather than long AUs and my usual content. that means requests may have to be on pause for a while. ik i only have 2 requests and,,,, i'm having a bit of a writer's block. i'm halfway through one of them but i honestly have no motivation or time to write longer stuff rn :'(
thanks for reading the whole thing if you've reached this point haha i'll still be here to answer asks and interact w mutuals but probably not a lot of writing atm :'))
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lmanberg · 4 years ago
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i've been trying to write this post for like 20 mins but then i feel disgusted w/ myself and i delete everything ;-; aaa here's goes nothing ig
I used to be in poppytwt. and just typing that i already feel like shit. not only bc of how wrong it is, but also bc i've been lurking here for months whilst being there which makes me feel awful bc ik ebblr is against poppytwt.
I found out about poppytwt from a blocklist (istg those things are just follow lists for problematic communities) and at the time that was the only community i knew shipped t x r and that was why i got into it,, over time i made a quite a few moots (which took quite a bit bc it's very hard to get people to follow you when ur a lurker and have no "proof") and i actually got pretty close with some of them.
The people in that community are doing disgusting things. that's just an objective fact. but also some of them are really really sweet people and they were pretty much the only people i talk(ed) to,, plus when u get to know the people you sort of humanise their actions, they tell you about the trauma they went through and how they use this to cope and you sort of see their reasoning and therefore forgive it,, which you shouldn't, but it's easy to fall into.
I've wanted to leave poppytwt since i started lurking in ebblr (so for like 2 months now,, for context i was in poppytwt for like 5ish months),, but i was rlly attached to those moots so i simply deactivated my acc, which i would eventually reactivate. the logical solution would be to just unfollow+block the accs I was following,, but i didn't want to bc "what if i regret it,, getting these people to let me follow them took actual months" and "but i wanna talk to my moots,, i understand they're doing smth wrong but i still rlly like them as people".
idk why but today i was rereading posts from the // poppytwt tag and i decided "alright,, enough of this shit." and i finally left the community. property this time.
and now,,, i don't know how to feel?? i kind of regret it bc some people i knew from there i was pretty close with and i left with no warning,, but also rlly glad bc i've been meaning to leave for so long,, but also?? idk dude. i'm conflicted rn,, i know it was for the best but i can't help but feel bad about it :((
i'm still a minor and i know you guys accept ex poppytwt people if they're still minors, but also i lurked here for like 2 months whilst still being there so i feel rlly rlly bad for being here?? i wanted to apologise and thank you.
Sorry i was here while still lurking there, and sorry it took me so long to leave and sorry if me being here rn if that makes you uncomfortable,, and thank you. thank you for getting me out of there, i feel bad about leaving now but ik it was the right thing to do so thank you.
tldr: ex poppytwt member here,, an apology for being disgusting and a thank you to jason [+ this community in general] for getting me out of there
Anon I am so proud of you for getting out of that situation. Don’t feel bad for how long it took you, be happy that you got out in the first place. This is a massive step for you and your mental health and while you may not notice it rn, in a month or so you’ll look back and you’ll realize how much... cleaner, you feel. You’re always welcome here anon and I’m so happy you got out of there <3
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green-socks · 3 years ago
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Tumblr Writer Q&A
Thank you for the tag @lacontroller1991!! This was fun!
1) How many complete fics/one shots do you have that you have not published (yet)? I have three oneshots complete that I haven't posted yet, two of them I'm planning to post at some point soonish tho!
2) How many WIPS do you have right now? 2 series and 6 oneshots (that I'm serious about rn).
3) Do you take writing requests or write original ideas, or both? I don't officially take requests usually, but sometimes I could be prompted. I mostly do what pops into my head at any given moment.
4) If you do take requests, how many do you currently have? I have 3 sitting in my inbox from the one time I did ask for them and I am so sorry for being the slowest ever omg.
5) How many fandoms do you write for? Uhh mostly it's Pedro Pascal Cinematic Universe boys and Triple Frontier. Some drabbling Star Wars, Narcos, DCU stuff going on at times.
6) Are there any fandoms you wrote for in the past that you no longer write for? No
7) Do you write for ships, reader inserts or other? Mostly reader inserts, some OC too, haven't tried ships yet but I would really like to!
8) Niche fandoms/characters you write for? Don't think I have those? Unless writing for a dude from a wine commercial counts?
9) Do you read fics as well as write them? Hell yes! I read much more than I write!
10) What is your favorite genre to write for? Fluff. Is that a genre? Anyway, that.
11) What is your favorite trope (to read/write)? To read: friends to lovers probably. Just gimme the pining. To write: hmmm. I don't think I have a favorite trope for writing. It depends so much on what I'm doing.
12) What do you do to get motivated to write? Nothing, I guess? Lol I just write when I write XD
13) Is there a trope/genre you like to read, but not write? I don't really write angst/whump, although I also read those more rarely than fluff or smut for example. I do prefer reading smut to writing it.
14) Any characters/fandoms you want to write for that are never requested? Nah, if I get an idea to write something and want to do it, I'll do it.
15) How long have you been writing fan fiction? Almost a year now! I started in march of last year!
16) Did you read fan fiction before you started writing? Of course! Lots and lots of it, for years.
17) Do you only post on Tumblr, or any other sites as well? I have an AO3 account but so far I've only posted one of my fics there bc lazy lol.
18) What do you personally consider the word counts of "Drabble", "One shots" and "fics"? For me drabbles are maybe anything below 700 words, oneshots are technically anything that is more than a drabble and not in two or more parts, and then, to me, fics are any and all of it. Fics are fics.
19) Which do you prefer to write more? HC, drabbles, oneshots/fics, multi chapter stories, other? I mostly write oneshots, and prefer those, but I have done all the others too!
20) Are there any stories you have discontinued? If so, why? No. My series are on an accidental hiatus, but definitely not discontinued.
21) What is one of your main "pet-peeves" as a writer on Tumblr? Fortunately I haven't faced any nasty behavior myself, but it does pain me to see other writers treated like they are basically expected to cater to everyone's needs at the same time. It's just not possible to do, and people need to learn to live with that.
22) Do you write a particular time of day? Usually from 10:30 pm to 2 am is my time to shine, but recently I have tried to write during the day/evening too, just so I can go to bed at a reasonable hour lol.
23) Do you listen to music, ambiance/noise, etc to write or do you need silence? I always have headphones on to block out possible noises from my partner lmao, but there's nothing coming through the headphones. I have tried listening to music or white noise a couple of times, but usually silence is the best.
24) Do you outline your fics at all before writing? Yes, especially if it's a multi part or a long oneshot. Stuff below 2.5k words, no.
25) Do you post your writing as soon as you finish it, or do you schedule it to come out at a specific time/day? I never schedule, usually when it's done I want it out and over with right away hahah.
I'm tagging @writeforfandoms @oonajaeadira @hopeamarsu @kesskirata @rayslittlekitten @mandocrasis and anyone else who would like to do this!
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savagesbonergarage · 4 years ago
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Nightsister OC pics and backstory ❤️
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So I kinda got my Nightsister oc worked out today!
Meet Eilantha!
No makeup and with makeup since I like both. :) I know her outfit is Rey’s, but it turned out to be the one I liked best after going through all of them. This was so much fun to do! I’m on mobile rn so I don’t have a link, but search ‘rinmaru star wars avatar creator’ and it should be the first result.
The nightbrother is also an oc called Sever. He’s more bulky in my head and his tattoos are different and more brown than black, but whatevs. Also he looks more like a teenager here, which is NOT the vibe, lads. Mans is in his late 20's-early 30's. 👍
I know I’m sorta biased and all since she’s mine, but I’m in love with her? I’m not a huge fan of the Nightsisters and their misandry and general terrible-ness, but this girl is the exception. 💕 Learn more about her under the cut if you’d like. :)
She was born in 46BBY, making her around 27 in the final year of the clone wars. From the time she was a youngling it was clear that she had a natural affinity for magicks and spellcasting, which allowed her to participate in more advanced rituals and rites from an early age. This inevitably caused some contention among the sisters in her age group that felt this privilege was wasted on her, and therefore she had few friends during her time within the coven. She didn’t really mind, as she preferred to spend her days on her own anyway, learning as much as she could about whatever she fancied (usually spells that piqued her interest whose texts she discreetly snuck from within the cavern).
When she wasn’t studying, she loved music - writing, playing, and singing. It wasn’t anything like the typical malicious sounds of tribal chanting and drums you’d hear from within the grotto; not that she didn’t appreciate that also as she practiced it well, but her heart leaned toward a softer, more soothing genre of arias and melodies, bordering on lullabies based on her wanderlust, and, though she’d never admit it, her loneliness.
As she reached adulthood, she underwent the trials for her dark baptism as all Sisters did, which consisted of returning from a challenging hunt to add a token from her kill to the Water Of Life, and receiving her ichor tattoos that signified her coming-of-age before being ritualistically bathed in the ominous liquid which sanctioned her as an active member of the Nightsisters.
After this, I have two different routes (or however many, depending on who I’m shipping her with at the moment 😅 bc I ship her with everyone, no lie) that I like to take with her story. The first is expanded upon in the fic by @fallenrepublick here (still my favorite thing!) where she starts sneaking away into the nightbrother village and befriends Savage and Feral before they go through Asajj’s selection trails. This is the nicer, less-traumatic arc.
This next one gets really, really dark. I'm not going to post it all here bc honestly this post doesn't need all that angst, so I'll save that for later. Essentially, I like to think that Eilantha did at one time have a nightbrother of her own (Sever) that she actually loved, rather than treated as a slave. As you can imagine it doesn't end well, but we're not gonna get into that. We'll talk about how they meet. :)
Instead of sneaking away to the village, Eilantha is pressured into conducting her own selection trails by Mother Talzin. She doesn’t inherently have any reason to object, after all, she was taught that this is was simply the way of things. Part of her even looked forward to obtaining a manservant, whose loyalty would belong to her and her alone.
Perhaps he’d be a useful asset when it came to sneaking spelltomes to and from the vaults, and maybe he’d even be the only one staying by her side while she practiced her songs. What if he’d even appreciate them? Not that he’d have much of a choice, but the thought was comforting nonetheless.
From the moment she stepped foot in the village, all she could focus on was the feeling of the uneasy and fearful gazes of the men who undoubtedly knew more of what was to come than she did. She chose her roster at random, unsure of what she should have really been looking for or what she actually wanted from a servant. Even before the fighting, she knew deep down that she didn’t want to inflict any unnecessary harm on them…but why? From what she’d overheard at home, the violence was half the fun.
It wasn’t.
She evaded and blocked every blow with ease, yet avoided retaliating and taking the offensive in any manner that would prove fatal, causing the battle to go on far longer than anticipated to the point where Brother Viscus insisted that she take the next opening for the kill. With reluctance, the blade of her weapon collided with the ribs of the next brother to reveal himself a target. She watched in horror as the light faded from his hateful, reflective eyes, and she was nearly sick. She didn’t want to do it, but it had been done, and it couldn’t be undone. His body thudded against the ground and she screamed.
“Enough!”
The battlefield went silent, and as she came to her senses she attempted to save face.
“I’ll have none of them!”
Before Brother Viscus could interject with any alternative propositions, she was gone. She ran, fleeing as far away across the rocky terrain as she could. She didn’t cry; at least not until she was certain she was alone. She felt so pathetic - Nightbrothers were meant to be disposable, yet she couldn’t handle killing one. Her shame shifted into heartbreak, and she crouched low and wept for the death of the brother she’d just caused, as well as for all those who came before him. All the needless, thankless, mindless deaths of these men whose lives may not have mattered to the Sisters, but they mattered to someone.
As night fell, she trudged along the jagged landscape and thought of what explaination she’d give to Mother Talzin upon returning home. She had run in the opposite direction of where her speeder was stationed at the base of the village, so she had plenty of time to consider on the long journey back. She casually hummed a tune to herself in some meager attempt to self-soothe, which served to distract the shadow that had been trailing her for some time. The sound of a twig snapping in the rocks behind her alerted her to the presence and she confronted him.
"Are you lost?" she asked in a derogatory tone after he revealed himself.
"I'm not."
Of course not, this was his home, after all. She couldn't say the same for herself, however, she pressed him further.
"Then why are you following me? I never asked for an escort."
The amber-skinned nightbrother looked as though he were choosing his words carefully, though if his aim was self-preservation he'd done a terrible job of it.
"I saw you crying."
Eilantha was hit with a pang of embarrassment, though she feigned otherwise as her eyes met the ground.
"Well, you can forget what you saw. Now leave me alone."
She turned away, but the brother remained there in quiet contemplation before he spoke again.
"I've never seen a Sister cry. I've never seen a Sister feel."
Something about those words struck her directly in her heart. The confirmation that she was inherently considered to be a heartless monster in the view of these villagers hurt a little more than anticipated, though she had no right to refute it. No amount of apologies would ever remedy the divide that separated the Nightsisters from the Nightbrothers, regardless of how she felt. She clenched her fist as she turned to face him again.
“I said, leave me alone. Don’t make me-”
She actually choked on her words, unable to say the rest.
Don’t make me put you in your place.
Despite her partial warning, the nightbrother stepped closer. He grabbed the edge of his already tattered tunic and tore a piece of it off, inspecting it for cleanliness before holding it out to her. Eilantha froze, uncertain of what to make of this interaction.
“You aren’t done,” he explained.
She hadn’t realized that her hot tears continued pouring down her cheeks during her retort. She accepted the cloth with some reluctance, her dainty fingers lightly brushing against his as she took it and dabbed it against her wet face. He promptly turned and started walking away, as instructed. This strange...kindness, or rather, strange act of servitude via obligation perturbed the young witch, whose thoughts were now fixated solely on the zabrak male.
“Wait, Brother,” she implored.
He paused, resuming his attention to her after hearing the endearing use of “brother” from a Sister’s lips for the first time. She continued, an unusual softness in her tone.
“What is your name?”
“It’s Sever,” he revealed, “May I ask yours, Sister?”
She repeated his name in her mind, determined never to lose it.
“Eilantha.”
He did the same, only out loud. Gods, it was an enticing sound.
"Will you be returning?"
This was a question she wasn't prepared to receive, and one that she herself didn't fully know the answer to. Her reply was engineered from a concerned sigh.
"I'm not sure. It might be problematic returning to the coven empty-handed. I may come back, I may not. I don't know what the future holds."
Sever pursed his lips slightly.
"If you do find yourself here again, will you..."
He coughed into his fist and centered himself before continuing.
"Will you consider me?"
Her eyes shot up to meet his hopeful gaze, a golden yellow in the night. She had a hunch as to what he was alluding to, but a little clarification was needed.
"Consider you...?"
He swallowed, his countenance displaying concern that perhaps he was stepping too far out-of-bounds this time, but he wanted to know all the same.
"As your mate."
Eilantha clutched the piece of fabric in her hand. This man was offering himself to her. The images of all the nightbrothers staring her down when she first arrived with fear in their faces raced through her mind, revealing the dread the men felt when they were met with her kind, and yet this one was volunteering. She wasn't sure if she should be flattered or angry, as any other Sister likely would be at a savage that dared to seek special permissions. Of course, she wasn't like that.
Imagining him as her mate, however, was certainly...something. She thought of how she would discover just how much of him was tattooed and he would learn the same of her. She could claim him right then and there if she wanted, and he would be obliged to obey. It would solve her worries about returning home if she decided on a servant after all, although, her soul was unsteady. Though she was entitled to any male she desired, she couldn't allow herself to do it. Even though this man was offering, it would weigh on her conscience knowing that even a part of him would only be with her out of fear and obligation, rather than his own free will. This nightbrother wasn't free. None of them were.
"I'll consider it," she replied genuinely.
This news seemed to please him to some extent, a tiny smirk curling at the corner of his lip.
"I'll look forward to the possibility of serving you, Sister Eilantha."
She watched as he turned a final time and disappeared further into the darkness, leaving her alone with her busied mind.
The course was set for the Nightsister temple once she finally got to her speeder, servant-less. She looked over her shoulder to see multiple pairs of glowing golden eyes quizzically prying at her in the darkness, and she smiled before taking off.
It was a long journey home, and the entire trip her mind was occupied with thoughts of the intriguing zabrak male who saw her for what she truly was. She pulled out the tattered cloth from her pocket and pressed it against her chest as the wind rushed all around her before bringing it to her lips and kissing it.
It became her greatest treasure.
That is, until she finally had the real deal in her arms months later when the separation became too much to bear, and they arranged to meet in secret during their first rendezvous of many.
Sever, my treasure.
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