#i don't have anything to do here except think about how fucking broken i am and it's not fucking fair
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#tw vent#ah yes logging back into tumblr to yeet this and then going#i will persevere i will persevere i will persevere i will persevere#i've never felt this much like an alien in my entire fucking life and that's saying something from someone who was excluded in primary#school and has been since (regularly called devil spawn as well isn't it lovely)#i'm sick and tired of this#i never planned to make it past 18 but i did it regardless out of sheer fucking spite and will and wanting it to get better#and here i am six years later and just as miserable#except this time i won't have to spend weeks discreetly hoarding a stash because i never threw it out#and i know that's not the thing to do and that i should continue to press on and all that and believe it will get better but like#at this point i'm not sure if; even if things do get better that i'll even be in a position to appreciate it?#i feel fucking broken and i have been so utterly numb for most of my life#i don't know how to make friends and even less about how to keep them#i've spent my entire life trying to fit in and getting mocked and bullied for being weird#i adapt personality traits of everyone around me for the sake of never risking upsetting anyone or putting myself at chance of ridicule#i don't even know who i am at this point- i don't think i've ever known myself because by the time i became a teen#i was already hurting myself just so i could get some of my frustration out without making a scene or trouble anyone#it took six years for anyone to notice; six fucking years and even then all i was met with was anger#i hate being excluded and i hate being left out and people keep doing it and i keep doing it to myself#because i don't want to be here anymore but i don't want to hurt anyone so i remove myself from social relations so no one will miss me#i feel so fucking alone and it's all my own fault and i'm so scared to do anything about it#how can anyone want to spend time with someone who doesn't even know themselves? i'm a mess i'm sorry i needed to process my thoughts#but i guess i'll persevere#my cat needs me to#tw suicidal ideation#tw self harm
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#not looking forward to the weekend#the doctors are mostly gonna leave me alone#my dad will be here but our only idea is to watch stuff#and i still am depressed if im just watching stuff#i need to produce things in order to not have a pit in my stomach#but all i can do in the hospital is draw. and im art blocked rn.#im missing out on two games bc im stuck here#i don't have my laptop so i can't write or play much except sky#i don't have anything to do here except think about how fucking broken i am and it's not fucking fair
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✨ His only exception - Pt. 4/? ✨
Summary: 12 months ago, Butcher went above and beyond to have you join his team. You had a simple office job at Supe Affairs. The same thing every day, working from 9 to 5 and watching Butcher and his team defeat one renegade after another. One evening, however, something changed.
Pairing: Soldier Boy x Reader
Warnings: Language, sorta prostitution, kinda dirty, violence
Word Count: 1834
A/N: This is part 4 of “His only exeption”.
English isn’t my first language, so please be lenient. 💙✨
After another agonizing silence, you turned on the radio. But even Bob Seger couldn't lift the mood with his night moves. You groaned in despair and let your head fall against the window. Soldier Boy watched you out of the corner of his eye for a while before he patted your thigh and got over himself. “C´mon (y/n)! Don't be a grumpy little bitch", he tried his best to sound relaxed and cool but you just turned to him with your eyebrows raised. "Are you kidding? You broke my damn wrist!”. Your voice was filled with amazement and anger.
“Uh-uh! A bit more than sprained. Not quiet broken. There’s a difference”, he raised his index finger for emphasis, moving his gaze back and forth between you and the street.
“Ben!-”. “I fucking apologized, didn’t I?! It was… not intentional and certainly not planned… Who would have thought that you-". This time you interrupted him. “That I what? That I don't suddenly take off my panties for you? Ben! I thought we were friends?”. Your voice cracked slightly towards the end.
“I don’t have any friends,” was all he replied.
“Well, thanks for the clarification!”, you bit back. “How the fuck am I now the bad guy again?! I apologized! I'm trying to do the fucking right thing here and you're making it fucking hard for me not to kick you out the damn Car!". Ben was really trying to understand you, but he was new to this. It was new to him, not being adored and worshipped.
“Are you really listening to yourself, Ben? I'm probably the only person on this damn planet who cares about you. And you…why did you have to ruin that?”. This time even he could hear the disappointment in your voice. Still, he didn't know how to make amends for what he had done. “(y/n) I-”. Ben rubbed his beard and looked at you discouraged. “Why did you think I would… let you sleep with me?", you looked at him and felt the heat rising to your cheeks. "Shit, you can barely say it without blushing". Despite the depressed mood, Ben couldn't help but chuckle a little about that fact.
Another silence followed.
“You’re fucking hot (y/n), okay? And I'm horny. Since Russia it feels like I`m horny 24/7. And you doll can’t deny that it would be handy for you to let off some steam too”.
Ben’s eyes found yours. He wasn't lying, but you knew he was hiding something from you.
No matter how long your dry spell had lasted and no matter what Ben would say or do, you could never confess to him that you had been attracted to him from day one. Those words would never pass your lips. Towards no one. Ben was pretty “nice” to you, well at least by his standards. And even though you got along pretty well, it could never be anything more than friendship. Soldier Boy just wasn't a good person. He was incapable of showing emotion, let alone loving anyone but himself. So why should you get involved with him? And even though you had dreamed countless times about him giving you pleasure, fucking you stupid and giving you orgasms like no one else could, you had your principles. No sex without feelings.
“Flattering, but no”, you said, trying to be gentle.
"Why not? A shitload of women would fucking pay for that, do you realize that?”, he replied, stunned. “Okay, listen", you turned to him in the passenger seat and fixed him with your gaze. “Why do you want to sleep with me so badly? Why me? If there are so many women who would do anything to have you fuck ´em unconscious, why clinging to me? Tell me what makes me different? and… well, if I like the reason, maybe I'll think about it". You obviously upset Ben with your words. You could see all the wheels in his brain turning and even after a few minutes he didn't have an answer to your question.
"I thought so. We’re here”, you sighed, getting out of the car. “Give me 5 minutes head start”, you added before slamming the car door and walking with fast steps across the large parking lot. “Day drinking and prostitution, here I come,” you grumble to yourself.
What Butcher had told you, went absolutely against your morals, but you had felt beyond useless for the last few weeks, which was why you finally wanted to prove to yourself that you were useful for more than just tracking down Supes. Although you couldn't imagine anyone more disgusting to set an example than the Deep.
When you entered the bar, the first thing that hit you, was the smell of marijuana and cheap perfume. Even though it appeared to be an upscale local, the owners didn't seem to have much to offer their employees. You looked around and saw half naked girls dancing on poles, fat old men on the sofas in front of them with drool running down the corners of their mouths and in the middle of it all, the Deep. “You got this”, you motivated yourself before taking off your coat, placing it over a bar stool and smoothing down your too-tight and short dress. With a smooth movement of your hand, you threw back your laboriously curled hair and walked past your target's lounge with confident and elegant steps. “Three, two, one-”, you whispered as you felt a hand on your forearm.
“Hey beautiful, where are you going with those beautiful legs of yours?". Oh, how you wished you could have rolled your eyes. Instead, you spun on your heels to find the Deep leaning back into the sofa, letting go of your arm. “Don’t you want to join me?”, he grinned at you. Unfortunately, putting on a show and playing ´hard to get´ didn’t work for him because his brain cells weren’t up to it. “Oh shit, you’re the Deep, aren’t you?”, you feign surprise, holding a hand over your bright red lips. “That’s exactly what it looks like, baby. Come here, come to me”, he didn't pat the sofa, but rather his lap.
After a few minutes of small talk you could finally see Ben from a distance, but he first looked at all the dancing ladies. You tried several times to get his attention but to no avail. He was only a few steps into the bar and two girls were already grinding on him. And Ben being Ben, he wasted no time and starting with cupping their asses. One of the two pushed him onto a bar stool while the other started giving him a lap dance, wearing nothing but a lace thong.
“So baby, don’t you want to show me a little bit of yourself?”. Kevin’s right hand stroked your thigh under your dress while you lay in his left arm. He pushed you further into the sofa, his hand squeezing your ass and making you gasp. In order not to completely give up control, you pushed against his chest with all your strength and quickly slipped onto his lap. With your legs on either side of his thighs, your dress rode up. Anyone walking behind you would have been able to see your bare butt if Kevin hadn't immediately covered it up with both hands. "Hmm… You want to be in charge, don't you?". You could already feel his erection against your thigh, which only disgusted you more. “How about we dance first?”, you grinned at him, hoping to buy some time. “No, no, no, but you can sure dance for me, baby”, the Deep replied with a big ass smirk. You took Kevin's glass and drank it in one gulp before slipping off his lap and taking a few steps back. Your heart began to beat like crazy, but you gathered all your courage, ignored the lustful looks from the other guests and Kevin and started moving your hips slowly to the beat of the music.
That was also the moment when Ben finally noticed you. He sipped his whiskey, licked his lips, and watched you from his spot at the bar. He ignored the two women who were still dancing for him. His attention was solely on you. "Uhh, someone's getting really hard", the blonde moaned in his ear while her colleague stroked up and down Ben's upper arm. While your eyes were on Kevin, Ben was looking at his crotch. “Shit”, he growled, pushing both women away with a jerk.
Meanwhile, Kevin didn't hesitate anymore, grabbing you by the hips and pulling you onto his lap with a strong tug before grabbing your face and pressing his lips to yours, which was absolutely not the plan. You should only distract the Deep long enough for Ben to put something in his drink at the bar.
When Ben saw the Deep stick his tongue down your throat, anger overwhelmed him. Within seconds, he ripped you away, pushed you onto the sofa and grabbed the Deep by the collar of his supe suit. Kevin didn't know what was going on and could hardly say a word. “Ben! What are you doing?", you shouted at him as all the other customers stormed out of the bar one by one. “This son of a bitch is fucking disgusting. A worthless piece of shit. I should rip his head off here and now”, Ben hissed.
“Ben, stick to the damn plan”, you admonished him, slowly lifting yourself up. Ben's eyes darkened with anger.
“You better listen to your little friend”, Kevin gasped, trying to save his own dear life.
"You'd better keep your damn mouth shut, fuckface". Ben let go for a split second before sticking his large hand through Kevin's supe suit into his gills, lifting him up and shushing him.
“Ben! we can't kill him! Ben… Please.” While the Deep was panting in pain, Ben finally looked at you.
"You're going to let that fucker rub his cock on you, but make a fucking scene when I kiss you?!".
In the middle of his sentence, Ben's mood changed from angry to stunned to angry again.
Very angry.
Ben's suit-covered chest began to glow and his hand relaxed, which Deep used to escape. “Shit, shit, shit!”, you gasped. “Ben, stop!”, you tried to calm him down, but to no avail. Knowing that you had absolutely no chance of getting out of here alive if you stayed, you ran towards the exit as fast as you could. You ran for your life. Seconds later you heard a loud bang and everything around you went dark.
———————————
A/N: Please let me know what you think.🥰
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Part 5
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Taglist: @deangirl96, @thatgirljayy
#jensen ackles#soldier boy#soldier boy x female reader#soldier boy x reader#soldier boy x y/n#the boys#billy butcher#the deep#the boys fanart#the boys amazon#the boys tv#spn#ackles
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(Segment of my story, How It Feels, with Jon and Martin recovering at Daisy's cabin after leaving London, and before the Eye Apocalypse happens. This in particular focuses on Martin, how he's changed since being in the Lonely, and how he is also still himself. This involves tooth loss and feelings of depression/disassociation, but isn't gory, and leans more toward being comforting. Inspired by the art of @lonelyslutavatar ~)
Jon is quite proud of himself for responding to Martin in a very calm manner, instead of rushing in and assuming the worst.
The calm quickly shatters when he sees Martin standing in the bathroom, face a mix of embarrassed and worried, holding two teeth in the palm of his hand.
Several teeth-related horror stories from past statements flash into Jon’s mind (the apple, a few dozen about some sort of “evil tooth fairy” that were probably not real but still upsetting, and several connected to the Flesh and the Hunt). Jon nearly starts to panic as well, but somehow he composes himself, and moves slowly, helping Martin sit down on the lid of the toilet, and begins trying to figure this out.
Martin has some pain in his jaw, but nothing feels “broken”, and there isn’t any blood. The teeth look “fine”, except for the fact that they aren’t where they should be. Jon asks Martin to open his mouth, and it doesn’t appear as if anything is infected or irritated. To be thorough, Jon runs to get a small torch.
“I’m VERY close to freaking out! Just so you know!” Martin says, loudly.
“Yes, I’m- I’m sorry, I’ll be there in a-”
“ANOTHER ONE JUST CAME LOOSE!” Martin is able to spit it out before yelling the news to Jon. He does NOT want to swallow any of his teeth.
“I’M COMING BACK! HERE! HERE I AM!” Jon stumbles to a stop at the small door, and walks back in carefully.
This time, Martin opens his mouth WIDE, and Jon shines the little light to see properly.
“Oh,” Jon says after a moment.
“Oh? Oh, WHA?” Martin asks, making sure his mouth doesn’t close.
“Oh, um… I sort of see the- er, the issue?” Jon answers, without actually giving Martin a real answer.
“Wha ih ih?” What is it?
“Well, I can see the empty areas, where your teeth were, and… it looks like something is, er- pushing them out?” Jon elaborates. Martin finds this description unhelpful and worrisome.
“UH HUH UH AH EEE?!” The fuck does that mean?! Good God, what was in his mouth?
“Sorry! There are NEW teeth coming in! Like- like when we lose our baby teeth, and-”
“I AREHEE AH I AHEE HEE! HOW OOH I HAH OR!?” Martin demands, and after a brief second of trying to translate it in his head, Jon realizes Martin has just said- “I already lost my baby teeth! How do I have more!?”.
“Uhh…” before Jon can say anything else, two more teeth fall out, helped by Martin’s attempts to talk. These were from his top row, on the left side. They completely leave Martin’s mouth, and land in his lap. Martin groans, irritated. Jon tries to speak again, before something else distracts him. “If- I had to guess, which is all I’m doing, I’m sorry, this- this might be like your OWN spooky puberty?”
Martin groans again, giving Jon a glare.
“You were working with- hell I’m just saying his name, Peter, you were working with Peter for a while, and before that you were working at the Institute. That changed all of us, a little bit, but Peter really pushed you along, and… what finally made me change and become something more than just human was- I died. Sort of. When I was in that coma, I was pretty close to being dead, but then I came back. You were… you were almost ready to fade away when I finally found you, and then you came back. I think you might have become something more than just human,” Jon pauses a moment, to let Martin have a chance to understand what he’s saying… and because another tooth falls out. “And we saw what happens to ME when I don't feed on any statements, so… you haven’t been doing anything at all when it comes feeding what you are connected to,”
Jon places his hand on Martin’s cheek and turns off the torch, letting Martin know he can close his mouth again. Martin does so, and then immediately gives an angry huff, spitting still another tooth into his hand. He gathers up the rest in his lap, so he’s holding all of them together.
“What the hell. The isn’t FAIR. Your- your eyeballs didn’t fall out when YOU changed! And why my TEETH?! Am I supposed to start eating people? Peter didn’t even do that!” Martin blinks a few times, uncertain. “I mean, I never SAW him to that…”
“This might not be so LITERAL. I doubt this is a sign you need to actually eat anybody-”
“Pff, whatever, you don’t KNOW…” Martin scoffs.
“What I mean is- sometimes when people like us change, it isn’t always straight-forward. This might be more… like it symbolically represents the way loneliness can, er- consume you? Eat you up?” Jon is leaning back against the wall opposite Martin, arms crossed anxiously. He hunches his shoulders up, as if to shrug in a way that asks for approval.
Martin does not exactly “approve”, but unfortunately, he’s beginning to see that Jon may have a point. He also remembers that nightmare he had, as if it had been some kind of “punishment” for rejecting the Lonely. The fact that Martin can now remember Peter purposefully pulling him into the Lonely to avoid true and permanent death added up as well. Did the Eye punish Jon when he wouldn’t feed it new fear? Yes, he supposes so.
“Wonderful. So my teeth are falling out as a METAPHOR. And what am I even supposed to DO about it? Read statements that are relevant to feeling forlorn and isolated?” Martin now feels THREE teeth pop loose. Great. More to add to the collection in his hands.
“Perhaps not…” Jon ventures another guess. “That’s sort of the specific thing I’m stuck doing. And it started even before the coma, remember? So maybe- was there anything you did while working with Peter that might have been related to feeding this particular kind of fear? It might have even been something that seemed almost normal, but the more it happened, the more it had an affect on you, and when you stopped, you felt strange?”
Martin’s first reaction is to just say NO, because he’s in an ornery mood (Why shouldn’t he be moody? His teeth are falling out! He has a right!). Instead, he tries to give Jon’s question some real thought…
When Jon was still in the coma, and Peter first became the “new boss”, Martin had initially tried to take on more responsibility as a way to shield other people from the problems that came from working so closely with… a man like that. The most unnerving part was how pleasant Peter seemed. He often asked Martin to come along as his personal assistant when he went on various errands; some were clearly for meeting with other unusual people part of the whole Fear situation, while others were part of the more normal side of business for the Magnus Institute.
These people, in either situation, would usually not even acknowledge Martin at all until Peter made a point to turn to him, ask a question or make a request, and then they’d startle to see there was a WHOLE man there beside Peter. When Martin got more used to it all, he’d speak up on his own, blatantly pointing out when somebody was giving Peter incorrect information or outright lying. In those moments, they were not only surprised that Martin existed, they were suddenly INTIMIDATED by him.
Peter was very amused by this, and proudly complimented Martin on being so “accomplished”.
Yeah, that may have been how this started.
Martin was well practiced at going unnoticed, keeping quiet, fading into the background. That was a good way to keep yourself safe. It was also a good way to be lonely. The shock of suddenly being given attention no doubt fed Peter’s patron Fear plenty of Martin’s own nervous energy… and when Martin did it on purpose, making himself known with an aloof sort of confidence, it caused unease in other people. The Lonely probably loved feeding on all that.
That was the start… but what turned it into a pattern, something that Martin had to continue doing, and also something that he did without thinking about it?
It finally occurs to Martin that what was happening when he first left the Lonely might be a hint; the sleepwalking. That never happened back in London, not exactly. However… very often, when Martin left the hospital after visiting Jon, or took a break in the evening in the middle of working late, he would walk through the city and let his mind wander.
No, that was putting it mildly. He’d feel a growing disconnect from his own feelings and thoughts, and whatever remained gave him a sense of bored contempt, if anything.
He blended into the crowds, but still wasn’t “part” of it all. Martin remained separate, even in the shared experience of riding the bus or waiting for a light to change.
Occasionally he would pop into a store and use the self check-out lane, or even a bar with no intention to mingle or drink, and he would go unnoticed.
All around him, he would see people talking to each other, or chatting on calls, crying over break-ups, getting into arguments, lying about what they were doing, waiting to meet somebody who wasn’t coming, staring at displays in stores of things they longed to buy but couldn’t afford, getting frustrated after searching for a job all day, trying to be funny for friends or deal with a stressful visit with family… Martin could nearly picture himself, as if looking on from another point of view, and he was nothing but a nameless face on the street.
Obscure and forgettable. Martin would walk on, automatically, no effort in reaching his destination. It was eventual and certain. He may as well be a memory, instead of somebody who was still there.
Then he would be back at the Institute, or at home, and his thoughts would click back into place. Maybe he’d take a shower, or have something to eat. If it wasn’t too late and he was done with research or paperwork, he’d watch something on TV. It was alright. Mostly.
In the current situation, with Martin sitting on the toilet in a bathroom of a safehouse in Scotland, trying to figure out why he’s losing his teeth… he thinks that he’s finally connected some dots, and sees the bigger picture.
“Yeah… well, um- I guess maybe when I would walk around London and sort of lose myself in groups of people, without interacting with anybody, that was possibly like feeding on loneliness. So. Maybe I just need to do THAT again,” Martin looks up at Jon again, now the one checking to see if what he’s saying makes any sense.
“Hmm… it might work when you go out to buy us supplies. You’ll be around people again, and- whatever lonely feelings they have,” Jon nods, though he doesn’t look happy about it. That’s fine. Martin isn’t happy, either.
“What if I… Jon, when you got REALLY bad, you compelled people to talk about things when they didn’t want to. What if I VANISH somebody? What if I can’t control this?” Martin asks, and as soon as he closes his mouth, he has to spit three more teeth into his hand.
“That is upsetting, I know…” Jon replies, reaching out one hand to place on Martin’s shoulder. “But, listen- a few days after I started to really try and rein myself in, one of the people I compelled actually showed up at the Institute again. I was… well, I- erm…”
“You were outside, sneaking a smoke,” Martin guesses.
“Yes, FINE. Anyway, I thought they were still having problems because of me, and I immediately apologized and assured them it wouldn't happen again. I was honestly sort of distressed about that, I didn’t want to go find everybody I had compelled, because seeing me might just make them even MORE afraid, but I still wanted to say I was sorry… well, this person told me they only came there to explain they weren't angry with me. They didn't forgive me exactly, but-,”
“What, they wanted to rescind what they said before? Like, withdraw the complaint?” Martin raises his eyebrows at this.
“Something like that. They told me… they weren’t having nightmares anymore, about me OR what I made them talk about. It had faded after a while. They also told me that it sort of helped, in a weird way, to finally confront something they’d been ignoring for so long. And now they knew, the world had scary things in it, that was REAL, and they weren’t crazy for wanting to be careful…” Jon sees Martin wants to jump into the conversation, but has to pause to catch another tooth that has escaped. Jon continues talking, knowing what Martin was going to ask.
“The reason I didn’t say anything at the time- I didn’t want it to seem like I was making excuses. Oh, this person says the nightmares stopped and they faced their fears, this means nobody should be mad at me anymore! Hell, no. I still forced people to share private thoughts and experiences against their will, and that wasn’t right. I’m only telling you this NOW because I’m hoping that you being around people in public, absorbing whatever you need, THAT will be more like when I read the statements. The fear and the hurt already happened. You aren’t making it worse. If you keep ignoring this hunger, then… it will most likely get more intense, but even if that happens, you still might not vanish somebody to death. People even escaped from what Peter did, occasionally. I just don’t want you to feel… hopeless,”
“OK… yeah, OK. This is still pretty fucked, though,” Martin says, trying to steady his breathing.
“Yes. And it will probably continue to be fucked. But we can try to help each other feel better,” Jon smiles down at Martin, and somehow, that makes a tense knot in his chest loosen.
Jon waits with Martin as the last few teeth come loose, and gets a small glass jar for them. After some “Should I leave them under my pillow?” jokes, Jon grabs the small torch again to see what the situation is with Martin’s new set of teeth…
“You really don’t feel them growing in?”
“Uh-uh,” Martin may not physically feel the teeth coming into place, but he has noticed that the ache in his jaw is gone, and the weird grinding has stopped (that was probably his weird new “spooky” bones making room for his weird new “spooky” teeth. This sounded like such a stupid problem when he thought of it that way, but there just wasn’t a better term unfortunately).
“Well, they’re almost all here, and- they’re sharp! Martin, your new teeth are POINTY!” Jon uses his hand not holding the torch to tilt Martin’s head back slightly.
“WHA? LIE A HA-HIRE?” What? Like a vampire?
“No, not like that… you don’t have fangs, exactly… oh lord, I can see them rising up!” Jon says, and now Martin is starting to get annoyed that he sounds EXCITED about this. “They’re wider, and sort of flat… Martin, I think these are like- like shark teeth!”
Jon has set the torch aside, and is now holding Martin’s head with both his hands, leaning him back even more so the light from the ceiling shines into Martin’s mouth. Jon is pushing aside Martin’s upper lip to see the teeth as they move through the gum better, and that is IT, Martin is DONE.
“GEH YER FEE-HERS OW UH I OW!” before Jon can translate that into “Get your fingers out of my mouth!”, Martin actually SNARLS as a final warning, Jon whips his hands away, and just to be dramatic, Martin CHOMPS his mouth shut.
His new teeth are officially finished growing in; all the severe ridges fit together. Sharp, solid, and strong.
Shark teeth... really? Was that just the Lukas Brand? Martin has to turn half-way into a SEA MONSTER? For the aesthetic?
Jon knows Martin wasn’t actually going to bite him… and Martin knows that Jon knows this. Which is why Jon still looks more fascinated than afraid of Martin’s new MONSTER TEETH, and that just makes Martin want to try and snap at him again. Jon can see that as well, and he starts to snort laughter. Martin wishes he was strong enough to stay furious, but the corners of his mouth betray him, curving into a smile.
Yep. All his human adult teeth fell out, he’s got weird spooky shark teeth now, he’s damn near close to laughing about it. He must be mad. Oh, well. So is Jon.
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I AM RUNNING UP MY WALLS, AND BITING MY CEILING-
SAMS AND LAES IS SO !!!/POS- I AM SCREAMING, KICKING MY FEET AND GIGGLING LIKE A MADMAN-
MOON IS SLOWLY SINKING DEEPER AND DEEPER INTO THE HOLE HE DUG HIMSELF-
He's becoming more and more violent. Don't get me wrong, he has already grabbed people by the throat and threatened them, but now? I think, it's becoming worse.
He fucking broke Eclipse's fingers as a "warning"! He also comes off as a lot more controlling! Both through his need to control Earth, not wanting her to have any type of relationship with Eclipse, and actively putting drones around to spy on his family!
He threatened Jack of all people, and is lashing out at anyone and anything now!
And that doesn't even touch on the hallucinations…. By God, this Solar sounds so broken. He sounds like he is mourning a brother long gone, because Moon can't turn around now.
He can't take back what he said. He won't stop what he's doing.
More so, Solar sounds guilty, like he is blaming himself for the path Moon has chosen!
His family is also very much done. Their heart-to-heart was wonderful! It was heartful, and truly shows how far they've come! But by god, it also shows what Moon is willing to lose.
Speaking of which? Considering the things we've got from MGAF, and Lunar's confession of wanting to talk to Moon, I think something really bad is about to happen-
I think, Moon will go too far, and hurt Lunar. Except it won't make him stop, but push him further.
Things will probably get worse from here-
Speaking of worse-
FUCKING TAURUS IS COMING- IM SO EXCITED, I REALLY WANT TO MEET THE OTHER ASTRALS!!
HE IS GOING TO BE SUCH A CUNT, AND I'M GOING TO LOVE HIM FOR IT-
-Stardust
YEYAYEYSYEYSYES EVERYTHING YOU SAID YES YES YES!!!!!!
Moon has been making me more and more shocked and baffled with every passing day!! I expected some manhandling and threats but ACTUALLY HURTING ECLIPSE??? THAT WAS WILD 2 ME. HE GAVE NO FUCKS.!!! AND WITH JACK TOO, I CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER IF HE REALLY WOULD HAVE HURT JACK ALL THE SAME... AND WHAT THAT MEANS FOR LUNAR </3
AND SOLARRRRR YEA YEA he always sounds so betrayed or heartbroken now and it fucks me UPPP 😭 Guilty is definitely a good way to describe it... and the sweet family moments aoauagah softness amidst it all. bursts into tears
AND THE TAURUS SWAG YEAAHAJAGAJDH I'VE BEEN HYPED ABOUT IT SINCE YESTERDAY U HAVE NO IDEA LMAO 🙏
AND ALL OF YOUR ECLIPSE AND LUNAR THOUGHTS. YEA!!!!!!
I was literally overjoyed to see them interact again and yesyesyes exactly like u said, there's so much tension!! They've both come to,,, not a middle ground, but they've found a lot more neutrality than before and it's so wildly fascinating watching them navigate each other now!!
Your point about them cutting short any reasons to talk longer is especially yeah. Like, they tolerate each other just enough to be having the conversation At All, but any care for the more personal aspects are completely discarded. I don't know how else to put it, it just intrigues me so muchh!!! <3<3<3
#asks#anon#stardust anon#EVERYTHING HAS BEEN SO YAS FUN LATELY WEEEEEEEEE#sun and moon show#the sun and moon show#tsams#lunar and earth show#the lunar and earth show#tlaes#long post
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russian doll (season two) dialogue prompts from the second season of netflix's russian doll.
it's not as bad as it looks.
i'm so sick of doctors i gotta see a doctor about it.
every time you compliment me, a cockroach gets its wings.
look, man, i'm not gonna fuck you.
do you need help getting home? anything?
if we don't do something, we're fucked!
basic concepts like time and space are suddenly eluding me.
am i haunting you? are you haunting me?
when the universe fucks with you, let it.
what happens to me in the future?
for the last time, that key is for emergencies.
the universe finally found something worse than death.
ask yourself this, are you happy?
do i need to be worried about you?
you do nothing but take and take.
you cannot undo this. this is done.
fetishizing death is not incompatible with genuinely caring.
i don't deserve you.
oh, no one deserves what they get in life.
listen, you and me, we got a long, long ways to go, all right?
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
i swear i'm gonna fix everything.
you only break things. you break trust. you break promises. you are broken.
there are things in life that cannot be explained.
being born doesn't make you a victim.
what are we doing?
can you keep a secret?
the problem is that we have different lives. maybe we only intersect here.
i don't need saving.
i wanna change everything in my life.
in the end, nothing can absolve us but ourselves.
do you trust me?
i thought that i could change things for us, you know?
nothing you do makes a difference 'cause the whole game is rigged, right?
oh, you think it's a bad idea?
you're okay, all right? you're safe.
come on. you can't keep doing this.
do you know who i could've been if everything had been different?
how have you been?
i am painfully misunderstood.
nothing in this world is easy except pissing in the shower.
what if we're stuck here for forever?
you have to stop beating yourself up for not being there.
we can't escape being the product of things we can't change.
i don't know what i was supposed to do.
i'm never gonna forgive myself.
i… i shouldn't have done anything at all. why did i do anything?
i fuck it all up. i always fuck it up.
i'm sorry. i'm sorry for being this way.
we can't spend our lives so scared of making the wrong move that we never live at all.
it all just seems so much easier for everybody else. am i wrong?
you had no obligation, but you loved me anyway, right?
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ok i know i didnt throw silver today here on tumblr but frankly i have been super busy, and now that i'm free, i'm totally exhausted. i'm gonna have to take a rain check on throwing him today, but rest assured that i DID throw him irl. and i'm holding him right now. so he's getting the love he deserves, i promise :)
i just hosted a 7 hour Bumblekast Server Movie Night since there was no recording today. it went so well!!! we watched Interstellar and The Martian, two of my all-time favorite films. i talked so much with so many people that now my throat hurts and i am absolutely exhausted... but oh my god, we had so much fun. i got to connect with a ton of friends in the server whose voices i'd never heard before. i got to infodump about my special interests to people who genuinely cared to hear what i had to say. we got to crack jokes and have fun during breaks. the very first ever Bumblekast Server Movie Night was, overall, a huge success!
in fact, it was such a successful event that i am going to have to host a second screening of Interstellar! like eight people really wanted to join us and see it, but couldn't due to their schedules. i've promised them that i'll ping them when i start planning the next screening so that way we can make sure everyone is able to participate. and Interstellar is one of those movies i will happily watch several times a week so it all works out.
everyone seemed to love the movies, and they even seemed to appreciate the fact that i had behind-the-scenes trivia and facts about the science in the movies. one of my huge worries is that people i watch movies with get annoyed when i share things like that, but if anything, folks seemed to appreciate the movies more because of it.
man, i know i keep saying it, but i really do love the Bumblekast community so much. i have never felt so at ease with so many people. i've never felt like a burden or an annoyance there... like, i truly think it's where i belong. everyone is so caring and supportive, especially the mod team and Kyle. hell, Kyle even set up an event in the server for me so that we could spread the word to people! it was such a kind gesture.
that place truly is something so special. i've been there since September 15, 2023, and i can count on one hand how many genuine fights and bigoted statements i've seen. the mod team is so exceptional at maintaining a positive and friendly atmosphere there. it helps that they nip heated conversations in the bud before they can become arguments. they're also very easy to talk to —they're all so incredibly funny and approachable. they're constantly interacting with the community, too. and they're also really willing to work with people.
for example, occasionally i've broken rules by accident or flown too close to the sun with a joke and they've had to DM me about it. and they know that i have severe anxiety, so when they broach these subjects with me, they know to say right off the bat, "hey, you're not in trouble or anything and we aren't mad, we just need to talk to you about something." it's a little thing, but it seriously means so much to me. the fact that they keep my struggles in mind when doing their jobs is proof to me that they care about the community they support.
a lot of discord servers have mods who are very... distant with their communities. like, they don't participate in conversation amongst members, or they take jokes way too seriously, or they throw their weight around just to intimidate users into submission. those discord server mods just don't bother interacting with their communities, either because they're too busy, or they're not interested in what their members are doing, or in the worst cases, they think they're better than everyone else. i've encountered a lot of these people before and they're always so unpleasant. it just highlights to me how unique the Bumbleserver is.
i'm so fucking glad i got into Sonic, man. if i hadn't watched the game grumps play Frontiers, i never would have picked up the comics. i never would have known how much fun they are. i never would have started listening to the Bumblekast. i never would have decided to create the clips blog. i never would've been reached out to by Puppy Bumblekast, who i now consider one of my closest friends. and of course, i never would have claimed Silver as my son, which lead to Seán reaching out to me. i never would have fallen so thoroughly in love with him, either. 💖
ok that was a WAY longer post than i meant it to be . im really really tired so im gonna go to bed. goodnight everybody
goodnight my friends!
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Howdy jacksprostate can you give us some thoughts on the narrators father/upbringing? Im curious on how you interpret what the book/movie gave us in terms of his absent dad
Also i love ur posts btw and thank you for replying to like all of my fight club art 😭 It genuinely pushes me to make more for the community so i thank you
Howdy :)
The narrator's father is an important, ever present, and completely lacking figure in the book and movie. (Obligatory disclaimer I mostly focus on the book) Here's some things I've been thinking about:
The chapter detailing fight club, its start, its rules, is intertwined with fatherhood. As the narrator explains his first punch with Tyler, as he looks upon his new disciples, as Tyler reads out the rules:
"Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer.
Tyler never knew his father.
Maybe self-destruction is the answer."
"Me, I knew my dad for about six years, but I don't remember anything. My dad, he starts a new family in a new town about every six years. This isn't so much like a family as it's like he sets up a franchise.
What you see at fight club is a generation of men raised by women."
You have the lines, Tyler’s in the movie, the narrator’s in the book, you have:
"My father never went to college so it was really important I go to college.
After college, I called him long distance and said, now what?
My dad didn't know.
When I got a job and turned twenty-five, long distance, I said, now what? My dad didn't know, so he said, get married.
I'm a thirty-year-old boy, and I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer I need."
You have:
"Tyler was fighting his father.
Maybe we didn't need a father to complete ourselves. There's nothing personal about who you fight in fight club."
And you have his boss; his boss he blows up, Tyler constantly tells the narrator how he could do it, Tyler’s words come out against his boss about how he could shoot up the office, begging to be punished, using the copy machines, begging for more than nothingness; you have:
“The problem is, I sort of liked my boss.
If you’re male and you’re Christian and living in America, your father is your model for God. And sometimes you find your father in your career.
Except Tyler didn’t like my boss.”
You have:
“I am Joe’s Broken Heart because Tyler’s dumped me. Because my father dumped me. Oh, I could go on and on.”
You have, Tyler’s words in the mechanic’s mouth:
“"Your father was your model for God.
…
If you’re male and you’re Christian and living in America, your father is your model for God. And if you never know your father, if your father bails out or dies or is never at home, what do you believe about God?
…
What you end up doing … is you spend your life searching for a father and God.
What you have to consider … is the possibility that God doesn’t like you. Could be, God hates us. This is not the worst thing that can happen."
How Tyler saw it was that getting God’s attention for being bad was better than getting no attention at all. Maybe because God’s hate was better than His indifference.
If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose?
We are God’s middle children, according to Tyler Durden, with no special place in history and no special attention.
Unless we get God’s attention, we have no hope of damnation or Redemption.
Which is worse, hell or nothing?
Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved.”
And we have Tyler using paraffin, so the narrator can be in Heaven, chided by God.
So like, what does it all mean?
A generation of men raised by women. His dad franchises, he’s not sure if another woman is really what we need. Men with no male models. Men with shit fucking fathers who are fighting them with impersonal proxies. Men who know they're destroying themselves because they have no constructive examples to follow because every single man just fails every son.
And that IS important. It's important to note there is misogyny in the fact that men demand male idols and refuse to even borrow women, but can I condemn them for the same thing I know matters to myself? Can I condemn them for wanting to see men who aren't shit, when I want to see women who aren't shit, when I want to see both not fucking failing their children? Shit fathers fuck over everyone, I don't think it's wrong to see that problem. It's classic male to say it by implying women are lesser, so fucking classic, but it IS true — they're in large part like this because men fucking fail everyone including each other and themselves. There is a gaping, wide fucking asshole where decent men should be, and they’re throwing fits about it rather than stepping up, but I think it’s notable that the narrator DID break the cycle. He’s not franchising.
And man, the Christian thing. Your father is your model for God because that is the point. Patriarchal religion serves a damn purpose. The father anoints himself as God, tells his children to have unbreakable faith, then disappears. What a shit fucking father. Isn’t disillusionment inevitable? When you can’t find him in his petty figures, not in your father, not in your boss?
Truth is, he says it twice. He likes his boss. As a person maybe. He’s around. But he’s absent too. He doesn’t give a shit. Just like his fucking father, he’s putting him in shit situations, telling him that’s just how it is, and expecting him to, what, be happy with it?
He likes his boss, but a part of him really wants to kill him. He likes his boss, but he begs his boss to do something, anything other than indifference. And he doesn’t. So the narrator invents his own boss, his own father, his own God, and he kills his boss, and he’d kill God and his father if they weren’t already practically dead and gone.
Dead and gone, even if they're there, he could beg them to care and they wouldn't. Society is set up for them to be the ultimate judgement, the hallmark by which you can measure yourself, the ruler for your fucking life, especially as a guy. And you get nothing. Indifference at best. Be the best son, disciple, worker you can, your boss God father doesn't give a shit. Self improvement isn't the answer. Wouldn't it be better, to know God, your father, your boss cared enough even if it's just to hate you?
Wouldn't it be great to track him down, tell God, "I am stupid and bored and weak, but I am still your responsibility."
He externalizes all that violence, it’s always Tyler who wants to kill his boss, who says he wants to be God’s enemy. And Tyler is his stand in boss father God, so just like the others, he leaves him. Even his fantasies can’t imagine better.
And honestly, yeah. Myself, I’ve got a pretty good dad. He loves me. He’s been around. I still hate his guts. He abuses my mom and I hate his fucking guts for it. If you asked my brothers, maybe they wouldn’t have that “but”. What he does to my mom is so baked into society that he may as well be a five star father. He’s not beating us. He’s still here. Can it really get better? I have friends that love their dads. But I don’t have any friends that love their dads that don’t have shit moms. When it’s not the choice between bad and worse. The bar is so low. What does that mean for us?
It’s so easy to point at all this and be disturbed and angry about this pathetic fucking white man letting his daddy issues result in terrorism, and like, yeah. But god, fucking everyone has daddy issues, and we shouldn’t. He’s right that it’s a problem. What to fucking do.
Fight Club sits as a “how to NOT deal with several major crippling problems in society,” obviously. But what are we doing to do? It’s not up to me, obviously. I’m not a man, father, not even someone who could raise her standards for the man she partners with, because I don’t do that shit. And hell, you raise your standards and men say you’re killing them and shoot up all the women in an engineering class because jobs are making them too uppity. So. It’s up to them, whether they decide that the fallout of having such a shit father means they should, I don’t know, change something. But as it is, father as God, boss as father is baked into society, the paternalism is extensive and everywhere. It’s baked in.
The narrator is a product of so many issues. A little clown car of a vehicle for them. I don’t really need to consciously think about what his upbringing and absent dad was like, because really, as he accurately assesses, “if his parents weren’t divorced, his father was never home, and here he’s looking at me with half my face clean shaved and half a leering bruise hidden in the dark. Blood shining on my lips. And maybe Walter’s thinking about a meatless, painfree potluck he went to last weekend or the ozone or the Earth’s desperate need to stop cruel product testing on animals, but he’s probably not.”
Most people, on an overwhelming scale, due to how the world is damn designed, do not need to consciously think about what his upbringing and absent dad was like, because damn if it’s not relevant even if your dad was home.
#asks#fight club#i ended up letting the quotes speak for themselves a lot because I think once you put them side by side like this there's a lot you can#connect on your own#tried to ramble a little about it though yeah#also again i'm so glad you enjoy my comments and i'm glad it encourages you :)#tl;dr fight club does great at pointing out that the whole “women have daddy issues” thing is soooooo much projection#like yeah we do. everyone does. but oh my fucking god men live and die by how crippled they feel by their fathers
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Lords Of Chaos characters as Fall Out Boy songs <3
Pelle // Heaven, Iowa
I've unspooled on the floor, I feel so A Star Is Born. Kiss my cheek, baby, please. Would you read my eulogy?
I will never ask you for anything except to dream sweet of me. Tell me, when the party ends, will you still love who I am?
Scar-crossed lovers forever, I'm checking myself out forever. I'm saving this all for later. Scar-crossed lovers, here we are, untouched forever.
They don't know how much they'll miss, at least until you're gone like this. Talking to the mirror, say, "save your breath. Half your life, you've been hooked on death." Twice the dreams, but half the love. Be careful what you bottle up. The chemistry is a mess, it seems. But me, I'm still a sunbeam.
I closed my eyes inside of your darkness and found your glow.
Faust // Alone Together
Cut me off, I lost my track. It's not my fault, I'm a maniac. It's not funny anymore, no, it's not.
My heart is like a stallion, they love it more when it's broken. Do you wanna feel beautiful? I'm outside the door, invite me in so we can go back and play pretend.
I'm on deck, yeah, I'm up next. Tonight, I'm high as a private jet.
I don't know where you're going, but do you got room for one more troubled soul? I don't know where I'm going, but I don't think I'm coming home. And I said, I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead. This is the road to ruin and we're starting at the end.
Let's be alone together, we could stay young forever. Scream it from the top of your lungs.
Occultus // Young And Menace
We've gone way too fast for way too long and we were never supposed to make it half this far.
And I lived so much life, lived so much life. I think that God is gonna have to kill me twice, kill me twice like my name was Nikki Sixx.
Woke up on the wrong side of reality and there's a madness that's just coursing right through me. Not sure I'm there yet, but I'm certain I've arrived.
I forgot what I was losing my mind about, I only wrote this down to make you press rewind and send a message: I was young and a menace.
Varg // Save Rock And Roll
I need more dreams and less life, and I need that dark in a little more light. I cried tears you'll never see, so fuck you! You can go cry me an ocean and leave me be.
You are what you love, not who loves you. In a world full of the word 'yes', I'm here to scream: no, no!
Wherever I go, trouble seems to follow. I only plugged in to save rock and roll.
Blood brothers in desperation, an oath of silence for the voice of our generation. Well, how'd it get to be only me? Like I'm the last damn kid still kicking that still believes.
I will defend the faith, going down swinging, I will save the songs that we can't stop singing.
Hellhammer // I Don't Care
Say my name and his in the same breath, I dare you to say they taste the same. Let the leaves fall off in the summer and let December glow in flames.
These friends, they don't love you. They just love the hotel suites now. I don't care what you think as long as it's about me, the best of us can find happiness in misery.
Take a chance, let your body get a tolerance. I'm not a chance, put a heat wave in your pants. Pull a breath like another cigarette, pawnshop heart trading up.
On the oracle in my chest. Sweat it out, shut your mouth. Free love on the streets, but in the alley, it ain't that cheap.
Blackthorn // What A Time To Be Alive
"That's the way, the world, it used to be before our dreams started bursting at the seams."
We're out here and we're ready, we're here and we're ready to livestream the apocalypse. I don't care if it's pretty, the view's so pretty from the deck of a sinking ship.
'Cause everything is lit except my serotonin, yeah. Everything is lit but my lightning bolt brain.
But baby, please, I just need someone to hold me even though you don't even know me. Oh, I'm going neon in the night time. Oh, what a time to be alive.
They say that I should try meditation, but I don't want to be alone with my own thoughts.
When I said, "leave me alone" this isn't quite what I meant. I got the quarantine blues, bad news, what's left? So, it seems the vulture's getting too full to fly. Oh, what a time to be alive.
Øystein // I Am My Own Muse
Here I am, not sure you should take a chance. I like playing dumb, letting you figure me out. But I was faded in my own defense, so drop a bomb on all the things we dreamed about.
Smash all the guitars 'til we see all the stars. Oh, got to throw this year away, we got to throw this away like a bad luck charm.
Trumpets bring the angels, but they never came and no one let them in 'cause they didn't know my name. I know I keep my feelings so tucked away, just another day spent hoping we don't fall apart. So, drop a bomb on all the things we dreamed about.
So, let's twist the knife again, twist the knife again like we did last summer. I'm just trying to keep it together, but it gets a little harder when it never gets better.
Necrobutcher // America's Suitehearts
You could've knocked me out with a feather. I know you've heard this all before, but we're just hell's neighbors. Why, why, why won't the world revolve around me?
Build my dreams, trees grow all over the streets, but I don't know much about classic cars. But I've got a lot of friends stuck on classic coke.
Media, please. Let's hear it for America's suitehearts! But I must confess, I'm in love with my own sins.
You can bow and pretend that you don't, don't know you're a legend. Time, time, time hasn't told anyone else yet. Let my love loose again. Oh, I don't know much about classic cars, but I've got a lot of friends stuck on classic coke.
Fenriz // 7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Halen)
I'm sleeping my way out of this one with anyone who will lie down. I'll be stuck fixated on one star when the world is crashing down.
I keep telling myself I'm not the desperate type, but you've got me looking in through blinds. I'm sitting out dances on the wall, trying to forget everything that isn't you. I'm not going home alone 'cause I don't do too well.
The only thing worse than not knowing is you thinking that I don't know. I'm having another episode, I just need a stronger dose. I keep telling myself, I'm not the desperate type.
But you've got me looking in through blinds.
Manheim // 27
If home is where the heart is then we're all just fucked. I can't remember and I want it so bad, I'd shoot the sunshine into my veins. I can't remember the good old days.
And it's kind of funny, the way we're wearing anchors on our shirts when being anchored aboard just feels like a curse.
My mind is a safe and if I keep it then we all get rich. My body is an orphanage, we take everyone in. Doing lines of dust and sweat off last night's stage just to feel like you.
The milligrams in my head, burning tobacco in the wind, chasing the direction you went.
You're a bottled star, the planets align just like Mars. You shine in the sky. Are all the good times getting gone? They come and go. I've got a lot of friends who are stars, but some are just black holes.
Attila // Dead On Arrival
Hope this is the last time 'cause I'd never say no to you. This conversation's been dead on arrival and there's no way to talk to you.
A rivalry goes so deep between me and this loss of sleep over you. This is side one, flip me over. I know I'm not your favorite record. The songs you grow to like never stick at first. So I'm writing you a chorus and here is your verse.
No, it's not the last time 'cause I'd never say no to you. The conversation's still dead on arrival and there's no way to talk to you when you're dead on.
Ann-Marit // 20 Dollar Nose Bleed
Have you ever wanted to disappear and join a monastery, go out and preach on Manic Street? Who will I be when I wake up next to a stranger on a passenger plane?
Permanent jet lag, please take me back. The mad key's tripping, singing vows before we exchange smoke rings.
Give me a pen, call me Mr. Benzedrine. But don't let the doctor in, I wanna blow off steam.
The same war his dad rehearsed came back with flags on coffins and said, "we won, oh, we won."
Only one book really matters, the rest of the proof is on the television. It's not me, it's you. Actually, it's the taxidermy of you and me. Untie the balloons from around my neck and ground me.
I'm just a racehorse on the track, send me back to the glue factory. Always thought I'd float away and never come back, but I've got enough miles on my card to fly the boys home on my own. But you know me: I like being all alone and keeping you all alone.
The charts are boring and the kids are snoring, and my ego's in a sling. You say you're not listening and I said I'm wishing.
Metalion // Champion
Champion, champion. I'm calling you from the future to let you know we've made a mistake. And there's a fog from the past that's giving me, giving me such a headache.
And I'm back with a madness, I'm a champion of the people who don't believe in champions. I got nothing but dreams inside, I got nothing but dreams.
I'm just young enough to still believe, still believe. But young enough not to know what to believe in.
If I can live through this, I can do anything. I got rage every day on the inside, the only thing I do is sit around and kill time. I'm trying to blow out the pilot light, I'm trying to blow out the light.
I'm just young enough to still believe, still believe. But just young enough not to know what to believe in.
#lords of chaos#pelle ohlin#faust eithun#occultus#varg vikernes#hellhammer#blackthorn#oystein aarseth#euronymous#metalion#necrobutcher#ann-marit#fenriz#manheim#attila#playlist
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Guys. I'm going to be serious with you. I try my best to be nice and understanding of everybody. I do. but when you bottle shit up it's going to spill eventually . Amd i know this is probably going to lower somebody's opinions of me, but i think i raised the standards a bit too high with how patientni try to be. But I dont care, i have to say something or i feel it will get worse.
I. Do not want. You vagueposting about me. Or what happens to me.
Either say something concrete, or don't.
This was pissing me off yesterday, but now the poll has crossed the line for me. It really has.
And I'm not mad at anybody except the original proshipper, but what i AM mad about is the attitude this fucking community has over these things.
Almost None of you said anything to me. NONE. the amount of times you rb the "guys can we be normal to ooc blogs" post will do NOTHING. it does absolutely NOTHING. your vagueposting does NOTHING. And you acting like you're the ones affected when absolutely nothing happened to you, while refusing to actually say anything concrete is incredibly irritating.
And let me put that poll into perspective for you. That's like if after salty got the incest asks, someone made a poll "WHO HERE SHIPS INCEST?". it is stupid. It is insensitive. It is inherently discourse. You are swinging a bat at a hornet nest for no reason and making everyone irritated in the process.
You are allowed to be uncomfortable. You are allowed to not want to express your opinions. But if you don't have anything smart to say then don't say it at all, for the love of god.
Your actions affect others, and i think it actually irritates me more that you're all talking about this in this way, than the proshipper arguing with me. Because at least they have opinions. Instead of going "whats WRONG WITH PEOPLEEE" or "uhm" or "im taking a break-" NOTHING HAPPENED TO YOU.
I. Was the one that got the weird asks. I. was the one that had my boundaries broken. I. Was the one none of you wanted to say anything to. So i think i have the right to ask that you all stop treating this like some sort of hush hush rumor and not something incredibly cut and dry. If you don't want to say anything THEN DON'T.
#Oh and also the vagueposting makes me incredibly fukcing anxious. So please. Next time something happens either keep your mouth shut#Or actually express a concrete opinion. I wouldn't even care if you said something bad to my face cuz at least thats concrete#Do you all understand what I'm trying to say?#talk#Important
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F, K, M!
F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.
I'm going to share one Silm-based one and one F1-based Brocedes one. This is going to get really long so I'll put it under a read more:
Excerpt 1: from chapter 30 of Icarus - Lewis and Nico's first proper meeting in years, after Lewis has grown out his wings again. Lewis thinks his newly-whole wings aren't up to the flight home and Nico has opinions about that.
Nico snaps to a halt, glares down at Lewis. “I can’t fucking believe what I’m hearing,” he hisses. “You’re not some damsel in distress. You’re Lewis fucking Hamilton.” Lewis stares up at Nico’s furious face. This isn’t what he expected at all. “Lewis Hamilton doesn’t back down from a fight,” Nico snarls. “What the fuck happened to you? You always said you could do anything as long as you pushed hard enough. So get up. Push.” Lewis bristles. “Easy for you to say,” he spits. “You’ve had six years to learn the air patterns and train up your wings. Don’t pretend we’re on equal footing.” Nico’s face whitens. For a moment Lewis thinks Nico will punch him; but Nico only exhales and looks over his shoulder at the cliff edge. “It’s not as complicated than it looks,” he says abruptly. “It’s just that new building down where the road splits, and that paved road cutting through the trees there. It breaks up the current that used to flow down from–” “Thanks, Nico,” Lewis says sarcastically. “I’m sure that’ll be really helpful when I’m trying to navigate something I can’t see.” “Just–” Nico closes his eyes briefly. His voice softens. “Just stay on my wing,” he says quietly. “I’ll guide you down.” Lewis looks at the cliff edge. He swallows. Nico’s eyes are a clear, intense blue. “I won’t leave you,” he says. “I promise.” Like that fucking meant anything the last time you said it, Lewis thinks. Some of his thoughts must show on his face, because Nico’s eyes shutter. Lewis grits his teeth. He feels like an arse. He feels the wind run through his still-aching wings. “What if I fall?” Nico’s face hardens. He looks for a moment like he did when he met Lewis’s eyes across the garage as they got into their cars in Abu Dhabi 2016. It is a look that says try me, and I will prove you wrong. “Then I’ll fucking catch you,” he spits.
They're both yearning so much here but they've been fighting so long they fall back on old patterns of toxicity. But really what Nico is saying here is I'll believe in you even if you don't, because I've always believed in you, and Lewis is saying last time you promised me anything you left F1 and me behind. Nico's last line is ride-or-die I'm with you to the end of the line
Excerpt 2: From The Shadow of a Friend, when Celebrimbor and Elrond confront a captive Sauron in Valinor:
Annatar’s lips twist, his beautiful features flickering for an instant into a crumbling, decaying mask, and Celebrimbor has a sudden revelation. “No,” he murmurs, “You do not know me at all.” Annatar – Sauron’s teeth are bared in a snarl, now, but Celebrimbor looks at him and sees only the shadow of an old friend. “You do not know me,” Celebrimbor says, and stands straighter, shaking off Elrond’s hand on his shoulder. “And to say nothing of smith-work. You are a poor excuse for a smith, no matter how much I once taught you.” “Do you so insult your own skill?” Sauron laughs. “Why, I have succeeded in breaking you after all.” “No,” Celebrimbor says, meeting the false gold of Sauron’s gaze. “My youngest apprentice is a far greater smith than you. You only see beauty in the sharpness of a blade and the power of enchanted rings. You do not see the beauty in the pewter cup a mother brings to the lips of her child; you do not see the beauty in the brief glory of a summer flower, or the warmth of a fire, except to burn. You are broken, Mairon. I am not.” Sauron barks a laugh. “You are picking false silver from river-mud, old friend.” “Am I?” Celebrimbor leans closer, close enough that the hum of the enchantment that surrounds the cage rises to a ringing howl of warning. “Thou, craven filth, who was once the mightiest craftsman of Aulë’s people. Thou might have many more years than I, but I too was once welcome in Aulë’s house. Aulë’s smith-work was of beauty and of life. He thought not of the sharpness of a sword or the burning of a flame. Thou hast lost thy craft, Mairon. Even if thou knowest it not.” Sauron’s face twists in furious rage, and Celebrimbor knows he has struck the winning blow. “I have changed you!” Sauron’s scream ricochets about the walls as the throws himself against the bars of the cage; the runes glow white-hot, burning great chasms into the crumbling mask of Annatar. “I will haunt your waking dreams until Arda is unmade!” “No, you will not,” Celebrimbor says, and is surprised to find it is the truth. “I have passed through Námo’s Halls. I am healed. And though I believe it might require a little while, I cannot imagine thinking of you very often after another yení or two. You are but a single foul breath in the lifetime of the Eldar, and the westward wind is strong.”
^The whole first three chapters of the fic built up to this point. Celebrimbor realises he is loved and can love again, and that he is not defined by the terrible things that Annatar his once-friend did to him. He understands the hope of the Eldar in the West, and at last begins to heal.
K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?
Honestly probably Chapters 18-21 of Icarus. Daniel has hidden his injuries and Max is dealing with his abusive father to the point where Max ends up abandoning Daniel at the worst possible time. Cue the whumpiest, angstiest, hurt-no-comfort section I've ever written. The comfort comes at the end of chapter 21. But still.
(Sorry Zanna I keep blathering on about F1)
M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?
I've answered M here! (Still deep in the F1 brain, unfortunately there's not many other premises I'm thinking about in other fandoms currently except for my WIPs I need to finish)
Send me a fanfic ask!
#also is tumblr glitching the read more line keeps moving when I edit#I want it to be before the first except but it keeps dropping back down??#sorry zanna a lot of this is F1 related but it's my hyperfixation and probably admittedly some of the work I'm most proud of#apologies for blathering on about it#f1#brocedes#maxiel#replies#writing#my post#icarus
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I've been so obsessed with chastity lately and I gotta get the idea out of my mindddd.
Been thinking about getting locked up by my dom because I have a terrible time focusing on anything. But as time goes along, they're getting more and more desperate to get fucked and fingers just aren't the same. Want them to break down and finally tell me I can fuck them. I'm so excited, it's been a month now, and I need to fuck them so bad.
Except, they pull out a strap. Smack me when I whine and pout. They tighten on the harness and tie me down to the bed, reminding me that I'm their toy and toys don't get a say, do they? They ride me forever, swapping between bouncing on the fake cock and just grinding. I get nothing out of it, but that's its supposed to be right. This way I can focus better on them.
🐾
getting so turned on by myself that i use a vibe to make myself cum. so wet and needing more, my hole feels insatiable. i keep pumping my fingers inside way too easily. i grab a toy to fill me up and it's so nice, the relief of finally getting some satisfaction. but it's still not enough... i need another toy to fuck myself on.
i summon you to my bed and push your face in my crotch, making you feel and taste how wet i am. i tell you to undress and lay on the bed for me, using the vibe turned up on high and moving it around your chastity belt. listening to you whine about how much you can feel it, wanting more. i turn it off and mockingly grind on the device keeping you chaste. i run my hands all over your body, with trails of kisses here and there... softly tracing around the edges of the chastity belt.
pulling the dildo out of my hole in a very suggestive way, i hold your knees apart and for a moment you actually think i'm going to release you on good behavior (haha!!). i attach the strap over your belt and use your hand and fingers to lube my cunt and cock and hole just so i can play with my toy. i love feeling the dildo glide inside me and moving my hips on it, sensually. it feels so fucking good. 🤤
placing your hands on my body as i thrust my hips over the toy, riding it as you grope me and tease my nipples. ah, fuck, i love the way you touch my tits. riding my dildo harder and with more determination. then i move your arms around me and lean into you, covering your mouth as i order you to fuck me.
unintentionally placing my fingers in your mouth like a gag bit while i climax, our bodies pressing together in the heat of the moment. i sit up on my toys, still throbbing around one, and grab the vibe again. i place it in your hand and position it how i want, bouncing up and down on my toys. enjoying the way my chest is so exposed as my tits bounce up and down, feeling vulnerable like someone or some thing is watching me. 😏 i cum again and erratically pull away- pushing you off and away from me in the process.
as soon as i catch a breath, i instruct you on top of me. i need you to keep all my toys in place, so i can continue fucking myself through another climax. i need to be a thoroughly exhausted, completely overstimulated, dizzy, numb, mindless, drooling, fucked out slut. the only way i can get the complete satisfaction that i desire is to play with my good, denied, aroused toy. besides, that's really the only purpose a chaste fuck toy can have. to be a good, used toy is simply what they're for. and it's not like they know any different, toys are toys! they don't think or have feelings, unless maybe they're broken... fixing toys is super easy though!! all you gotta do is deny them. ♡
#feeling toppy again today idk idk#denial kink#denial nsft#denial#primal#my favourite thing 🥵#anon my beloved#🐾#answered#needy dom#domb brain
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fic notes, "Dealing with the Devil" edition
okay, so, as promised, here's a "fun things you might have missed" Joltai Showa edition, and today we'll be talking about "Dealing with the Devil" because I think this one in particular doesn't extrapolate on a lot of things as the original ending got kind of cut + there's like twenty million sprikles of headcanons regarding this AU that (possibly?) might not make sense to the reader
- the name of the fic: if it wasn't obvious, it's a pun on "dealing with someone" and "making a deal with the devil" (with Madara being this canonically eerie and menacing figure in the story this is pretty much what happens in the fic). generally I make the titles for my fics (and chapters wink wink BSSM) either as I am finishing the work or literally as I am staring down at ao3's posting form lmao. I'd say the only ones that don't follow this pattern would be the title of "From Queen to a Pawn" (I was sitting in a coffee shop seething from everything about my thesis and then I had the sudden inspiration for the title) and its chapter 3 (I was planning on naming that one "Hell" as far as when I was writing chapter 4 of LTFG)
- the cut ending: originally I intended for the fic to actually end events that happen after "Deidara's deal", however I was already like 2 weeks past the deadline, this bad boy already had like 15k words in it + I was kind of getting sick of it tbh, so in the end I decided on finishing it somewhere around the peak of absurdity which would be the deal. if you're curious what I originally had in mind, here it is: there was actually another reason for Madara's neighbors to move away and that's grandpa watching pretty spicy yaoi tapes at full volume before sleep (he's getting closer to 80, so he forgets how to turn on the headphones + he doesn't really care for anyone's comfort other than his own cuz he's a bitch like that). after making the deal grandpa is much more friendly to his grandson and his fiance, so they have a pretty chill dinner with the Zetsus and then they stay the night in the guest room (Obito does feel bad for not coming back for years, so pretty quickly agrees after grandpa offers). they do unfortunately discover that bad habit of Madara's. Obito is traumatized, Deidara almost dies after choking on air from laughing too much. as I've said like 3 times before, this fic is just a glorified shitpost lmao
- the Uchiha family tree: the fact that the single most broken, beloved by Kishimoto and literally the center of all bullshit happening in the world clan has NO FUCKING PROPER structure is so mindblowing to me. it was kind of annoying back when I first read the manga, but after spending almost 5 years in Jojo fandom (where we have 6 parts about the story of one gigantic disfunctional family spanning literally 150 years and where we KNOW how every single one of them is related to each other) it feels outright insulting and kinda drives me mad. like, okay, thanks for telling me that Sasuke and Itachi are brothers, their parents are Fugaku and Mikoto, but what the fuck about the others? Who the fuck is Shisui? At what point of the bloodline Madara had kids before fucking off into the sunset to find a big orange puppy to run Konoha over with? Did Izuna get any bitches before Tobirama sent him back to the Uchiha ancestors? Is Obito some sort of fucking tulpa from Kakashi's mind? Not a single goddamn person from his own clan ever acknowledges his existence in the story except from the ressurected guy who stole him after Kannabi and gave him the task of playing himself for the following sixteen years, at this point I'll believe in anything, because Kishimoto somehow manages to fuck up even his own favorite clan's writing in favor of yanking it for the Sharingan for another 100 pages
- ahem, rant over. anyway, for this fic I kind of crammed the bloodline to a reasonable size, with Madara being the starting point, him being the father to Fugaku and Obito's father, Obito being his eldest grandchild and Sasuke and Itachi being sons to Fugaku as they are in canon. if you're reading my BSSM AU, nope, this is not the structure of the Uchiha family that I have in mind
- it was never properly mentioned in the fic, but Madara's and "grandma"s marriage was arranged. grandma passed away a long time ago, so much so that out of grandkids only Obito actually remembers her. in any case, Madara never really cared for her, his focus was more on his political career and his one true rival
- Deidara's family structure: now if you are reading my BSSM AU, congrats, because this fic has pretty much the same family structure that I imagine for Akatsuki Girldara, meaning her own parents passed away a long time ago and she was taken in by Kurotsuchi's parents, so they were raised together. Here both of them see each other as sisters, which is... well... a bit different from what is going on in BSSM AU. in any case, Onoki remains the annoying bitch in her life in any universe, but here he's just her kind of grandfather
- did I mention how absolutely hilarious to me Madara being so obviously evil in those flashbacks of Obito's? both of them are pretty funny in retrospect, with one of them straight up telling Obito that "😈oh😈don't😈worry😈you'll😈be😈back😈to😈repay😈for😈my😈kindness😈soon😈enough😈" and Obito just going "yeah, yeah, grandpa, whatever". also, Obito, darling, why the fuck are you talking about the most important people in your life to THESE ABSOLUTE FUCKING STRANGERS??? HAS NO ONE TOLD YOU THE PHRASE "STRANGER DANGER"??? ALSO DID YOU NEVER OPEN A HISTORY BOOK IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE??? YOU MEET THE GHOST OF UCHIHA AND DON'T REMEMBER THAT TINY LITTLE DETAIL ABOUT HOW MADARA TRIED TO DESTROY THE VILLAGE YOU LOVE SEVERAL TIMES AND IS AS MUCH OF THE ENEMY TO KONOHA AS THOSE GUYS THAT CRASHED THOSE BOULDERS ON TOP OF YOU. I swear to god kid Obito is the type of person to get asked by Zetsus "So where does Rin live? What days does she work at the hospital? Can you tell us where she likes to hang out alone? How often do your sensei and Bakakashi leave the village? Is Rin good in hand-to-hand combat?" and answer them all honestly, without ever suspecting anything. Seriously, Madara and Zetsu could be doing "We are Number One" song from the Lazytown and Obito would be clapping along, thinking about how talanted everyone here is.
- the Deidara heel thing: because this is a normal modern day AU where neither of them have to fight for their lives, Deidara does and loves typically girl things, like dresses, heels, etc etc which would be completely inconveniet for a shinobi. and she's pretty, so she slays in both of these things. and another funny story but after I posting this fic I ordered some new boots for autumn and, well, at the time when looking at the photos I didn't think that the heels were that high. only when I got the boots I realized that 8.5 cm is, in fact, a fucking lot. so now I guess now I am cosplaying as Deidara from this fic
- Obito still has the scars in this AU. presumably from some similar circumstances from "To End with a Bang", but I'll write more about it when I'll be talking about it. I guess this one is more about his relationship with the family that, at the end of the day, supported him through it
- the circumstances of Obito and Deidara meeting and deciding to marry in this AU: it's kind of sprinkled throught the fic, but anyway, here's what I had in mind: they still have the same age gap as they do in canon, Deidara was a university student doing an art degree, Obito was sent by Hokage to serve as Konoha's high comissioner (the dictionary says that it's supposed to be a synonim to "ambassador" and that sounds cooler, so I used it). Obito went to some official event organized by Tsuchikage (which Deidara, unfortunately, had to attend) and proceeded to try to mingle with the local important guys in expensive suits, but in the process ended up saying something so stupid about Iwagakure's art that Deidara couldn't hold herself back and went off to pretty much tell Obito off for his idiocy. in the end they ended up agreeing on meeting on the weekdays in Iwa's various museums where she can fix this dumbass's ideas regarding art in Land of Earth. and, well, after a while they kind of started crushing on each other. Obito assumed that to be one-sided and Deidara liking playing her role of cultural senpai, so he was trying to hide it, while Deidara wanted to bash his head against the wall because he was taking so long. in the end they were sitting in their favorite cafe in one of the museums, Obito was eating his chocolate cake, Deidara was drinking her coffee, finally Deidara's patience ran out and she grabbed him and kissed him there and then. Obito kind of realized that what they had was, in fact, mutual, so they started secretly dating, until the time came for him to return to Konoha, and at this point both of them didn't want to fall apart, so a few days later Obito proposed. Deidara's family at the time had no idea about any of this (I guess Kurotsuchi might have been suspecting something about her sis having a boyfriend, but not who exactly the guy is), so... yeah... a big shitstorm ensued, because not only all of the sudden Deidara had a boyfriend, said boyfriend was now her fiance, a lot older than her and both of them were planning on leaving the country as soon as possible. in the end things did get figured out, so the two of them leaving for Konoha was pretty uneventful
- Deidara continues to have insane beef with all Uchihas imaginable. I mean, it's kind of insane in retrospect that this one random guy managed to throw hands with all remaining Uchihas in his short 19 year old lifespan, especially considering he isn't the main character and officially there's only two Uchihas remain, but somehow Deidara had managed to blow up the third secret one a few times. he's got some sort of Uchiha curse of his own that needs to be studied. anyway, her relationship with Obito started off with her arguing with him, her beef with Madara is literally the plot of this fic, Sasuke was acting like a little spoiled shit and pissed her off during that one meeting she had with Fugaku's family, Itachi was pretty cordial with her, but she took it as him thinking he's better than her, Mikoto is something of a similar case, but she got hate for worrying about things between Obito and his unexpected fiance because really half of the time her nephew has no idea what he is doing, and Fugaku pisses her off for being overly controlling just like Onoki was
- similarly to canon, Onoki and Madara actually met in here, but as representatives of different countries, not whatever the fuck they were at the time of that flashback that couldn't have happened if Kishimoto actually kept track of the dates he had in the manga
- currently Deidara and Obito are living at Obito's old place in Konoha. because it wasn't really suited for two people + Obito didn't want Deidara to worry about having to work after moving like that because he earns more than enough + this is her first time in Konoha, so he wants her to have fun and find things that she loves about her pretty much new home, so in the end they agreed that Obito works, while Deidara explores Konoha, redesigns their apartment and figures out the little details of the wedding. on weekends they do this together. or sometimes just laze about if the work was too much for Obito and he's pretty much falling back asleep as soon as he opens his eyes in the morning.
- Deidara knows how to make a lot of things with her own hands, so she's decided that most of the really important things for the wedding she'll make herself, in particular their kimonos. Obito was absolutely elated
- I couldn't be bothered to look up on what hand people in Japan wear the wedding/engagement rings or if they wear it at all, so in the end I just imagined the two of them wearing them on the same hand that they wear their Akatsuki rings - right for Deidara, left for Obito
- Uchiha family here doesn't really have an insignia like Uchiha clan in canon does, but grandpa Madara has watched far too many historical dramas and made one for his family. a lot of stuff in his house has it, and whenever he wants to gift something to his family, it always his that fan on it. the remaining Uchiha family is pretty sick of it
- for similar reasons he has his own mini-trebuchet that Obito helped him to order off Kakuzon under the promise he'll never use it against anyone. even before Obito left for Iwa grandpa already broke the promise a few times. probably with Fugaku being the unfortunate victim of it. at least he didn't use his Hashirama bodypillow at the time. he's figured how to buy it on his own a few years after Obito left
- and yes it's Kakuzon. because Kakuzu would absolutely love the horrors of modern day capitalism
- while Deidara in here is still as stubborn as they go, because this is a much more peaceful AU, she is much more okay with showing her desire to rely on Obito, like, for example, hiding behind him when she's feeling skittish
- old man Madara lives by "gaslight gatekeep grandpaboss" when it comes to Obito. a lot of things regarding his attitude here comes from my own experience with my older relatives + my knowledge on how old people act in Asian cultures, so that's why he's so over the top authoritarian and dramatically shuts the door whenever something doesn't go his way. and of course blaming everyone for being against him and not caring for him at all
- I'm sorry everyone but I do not agree that long-haired Obito was in any capacity hot. for me of all Uchihas the only one capable of pulling off the long-haired look is Madara and that's just barely. the rest of them just end up looking homeless, depressed and unwashed. i look at kid Obito with long hair and can just smell how dirty and full of lice they are
- of all the things in this fic that I reference from canon, the cane being a scythe is absolutely canon. i wish I was kidding you. but no, old man Madara indeed pulls up to recently awakened Obito with a fucking scythe as a walking cane.
i am not even sure who's the goofier mf between these two. shinobi world must be feeling ashamed that these goobers almost won
- "The old man may look feeble, but Deidara immediately knows that this guy is evil enough to live on a secluded bog like some sort of bitchy hag that steals young naive girls and offers to resurrect their dead husbands as zombies in exchange for their yet to be born babies." - that's the BG3 reference, in particular to Auntie Ethel's quest in Act 1. I was doing that part of the game with my friends as I was writing this fic, so I was feeling silly and inspired. Besides, lowkey Auntie Ethel and Madara would absolutely be besties. Living in some dank cave for years? Check. Offer some kids a deal with the devil and force them to wear a mask, causing them to end up insane? Check. Appearing youthul and handsome when meeting the protagonist when in reality they are an old creepy bitch? Check. Vicious mockery? *remembers Obito translating Madara's oldmanese to normal language for Naruto* Check.
- here Uchihas frequently end up with bloodshot eyes whenever they get pissed and glare at someone. yep, that's the Sharingan reference
- did I mention "gaslight gatekeep grandpaboss" already? yeah, Onoki loves to do that too, so Deidara is immune to that. Obito has a soft heart, so he isn't
- Leafone is a reference to a certain apples related brand, because it's funny to imagine old man Madara with a smartphone
- I forgot to mention but in all my AU whether they are posted or not Obito ends up calling Deidara "love" given that their relationship progresses to this phase, that's the nickname he's dreamed of giving to his one and only loved one
- some gaming lingo thrown here and there, but yes, Obito and Deidara love playing videogames together. one of the things that they do on the lazy weekends
- I did mention that Deidara was adopted by Kurotsuchi's family, but she doesn't see anyone except for her as her relatives really
- canonically Deidara flies 24/7, so it made sense to give her a pilot license lmao
- even if I write Madara as this iredeemabble evil, he did actually miss Obito a lot and expected him to properly return like a good grandchild he is, but then all of the sudden all of his plans are ruined because apparently Obito decided that he wants to marry someone🙄🙄🙄🙄
- on that note grandpa is also pretty sexist and racist lol. that's why he only talks with Obito and opts for ignoring Deidara outright. I do imagine that people from different countries in Naruto world have different accents, so grandpa pokes at that too
- because Obito was gone for years, Madara's yaoi collection has exponentialy expanded. he reads/watches it with something like "it could have been us Hashi fr😭😭😭😭". he also doesn't really like Fugaku's family, so he ended up alone with just his collection and his army. you can see why he's getting more and more insane in his family's eyes
- "good thing to know that the old guy wasn't connected to yakuza or something like that. After having to grow up in Onoki's vicinity, she wouldn't disregard such a possibility easily." - similarly to how canon Onoki uses Akatsuki, a terrosist organization, for his goals, here Onoki might have also dabbled in questionable solutions to his issues
- a lot of old people I know end up picking up gardening as their hobby. Madara is no exception to that lmao, so the Zetsu army transforms into a large cacti collection. I have no clue about how cacti multiply, so let's all assume that Black Zetsu is the oldest cacti of them all. He's also dead and really belongs in the trash, but Madara for some reason keeps him around. Guruguru is a straight up different plant (I google a twirly plant and that's pretty much the first thing that came up), it's a gift from Obito who also thought it's a cactus (it's not).
- on that note Madara doesn't bother with naming them really.
- lowkey Deidara is scared that Obito would have to inherit the Zetsu army eventually
- "Are you trying to inform me that you've still got two eyes after you stunt in Iwagakure? Color me surprised." - while techically Kannabi bridge wasn't Land of Earth per say, we certainly all remember a certain stunt that left Obito without an eye after getting to spend some time with some guys from Iwa
- Madara for years had a hatelove thing for Hashirama. unfortunately for him Hashirama was as dense as Obito sometimes is, so he never properly picked up on that, pretty happy with his wife Mito (who Madara treats as his enemy number 1)
- "a bony finger is thrust right into Obito's face, Deidara almost jumps to try and protect him from losing his left eye" - the very same one that Obito canonically loses
- "This feels like those ridiculous M rated comics Kurotsuchi loved to buy, something with the name "A Ninja Warlord Dies And Reincarnates In Our World Before Falling In Love With Another Average Guy" or something." - it was at this point that I decided that Kurotsuchi being a fujoshi and Deidara being an artist for such content would be the single funniest dynamic imaginable. let girls have hobbies. also yes a reference to canon Madara.
- "grandpa would spend all the time just complaining about how everything Senju-san ever did was wrong, go to a lot of his lectures, even crash Senju-san's granddaughter's wedding." - yep, that's Tsunade and Dan. at least in some universe they get to be together, even if an old wild man ends up crashing on their special day
- "Obito looks like he has just witnessed his crush getting murdered by his best friend." - you know exactly what moment this refers to.
- "Cacti certainly don't appreciate their master's grandson's dramatic outburst." - BSSM AU Zetsus do anger management classes just to deal with Obito's bullshit lmao
- "Just this year she gifted me an album with all of my different expressions, and somehow on every single one of them she's made me look five times as handsome as I am in real life!" - this is actually a reference to one of my most favorite fics for Obidei, but I'll talk about it on another day. in that fic Deidara used to hide his hobby of drawing, believing that Obito wouldn't support it and would forbid him from doing it. in the end, Obito ends up seeing the album with Deidara's drawings, including a very silly one with Obito being angry, all of which Obito absolutely loves
- by the end of the fic Madara actually refers to Deidara by her name for the first time. hooray. yaoi bonding
and that's it for "Dealing with the Devil"!
while I was writing my submissions for obidei week I stumbled upon this meme and almost fucking died, because it's literally just old man Madara from this fic
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We had an incident at work today. So much drama. It's been the longest day. People died.
It's funny though. I see myself as a difficult person. A hard person. Abrasive. Difficult to get to know. Difficult to keep. My standards drive everyone away. Well, except the men I'm dating who refuse to meet those standards. Those men I keep around because apparently collecting red flags is a hobby of mine...
But when shit goes down, I know I'm a good person to have. I'm loyal. I'm good in a crisis. I care about what's right. I will wage war against those who have done wrong. I never learned how to sit by when I see things occurring that I think aren't just.
So I don't get why, when someone working their second day as a psychiatry registrar was irreversibly traumatised, when I told them to go home and I'd cover them and their patient load, people said kind things about me.
Helping others in crisis should be the bare minimum. The very bare fucking minimum that we can do for each other. And yet when I called him to ask if anyone had offered to take the on-call shift he would have to do once his normal day ended, he sounded surprised. Like why would anyone?
When I said to him "it's not okay this is happening to you" he got emotional. Because management hadn't checked in. His consultant hadn't checked in. He thought, on day two, that he was already failing because something that no human should ever have to experience had left him vulnerable. And surely if this went beyond the normal experience in the role someone would check in. Right? RIGHT?!
So I got angry, in that arrogant way that I do, and told him that me working his shift this evening wasn't up for discussion and that if management had a problem with that he was to tell them to call me directly.
I burn bridges. I know that. I know better. But I do it. Because the hospital system is brutal and broken. Because it's not okay to let other humans suffer like that.
The thing though, is that when other registrars messaged me about it, presumably because he'd told them, I didn't reply. I don't want compliments on how "kind" or "sweet" I am. What I want is for all of us to do better. To be better. To demand better. Why did I have to be the one saying he was in no state to work tonight? Where was management when I was having that discussion with him? Some of the members of management are doctors. Fucking career psychiatrists. Where were they when he was being interviewed by the police or talking to patient families on day two in psychiatry and without a senior in the room?
I'm so angry. I'm angry at the system that is broken. I'm angry at the consultant who refused to support his registrar. I'm angry at the management team that refused to do anything that might equate to work. And I'm angry that any human should have to experience what that registrar did without a support network to catch them.
Adding 5.5 hours to my day so that he isn't traumatised for life isn't an act of kindness. It's the bare minimum. And it should be the expectation. This is fucking psychiatry for god's sake. If we refuse to protect each other from severe emotional trauma then what the fuck are we doing here and how can we expect other disciplines to do better???
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Ok.
Reaction to tonights episode under cut.
First off: Holy fuck. Holy dick n balls. What the hell do I do now? What am I supposed to be doing now? Going to sleep? What the fuck. Holy crap. What.
Moving on.
"Call me Mother Lauren."
The Boy. His reluctance to talk about his mother. Lauren.
"I remember as a child, when Frown Night ended, I’d take my bag of loot, and sit on the highest level of the lighthouse.
LAUREN: Oh, the one at the top of the mountain?"
The lighthouse on the mountain??? The mountain that is only in the desert otherworld???? Either this is finknor forgetting again (I doubt it since its an easy thing to at least look up on the wiki), his ass is lying, or...... that motherfucker grew up/lived in the desert otherworld as a kid.
"Mr. Schlecht, Mrs. Schlecht, Sister Schlecht, Brother Schlecht, and even their dog, who was a basset hound named Malo."
This one parodies the story he did the last time he did a holiday episode with Lauren, except its changed slightly. There is no second mother, there is no stick boy, it is a dog instead of a fucked up cat.
The names have changed. I believe in the last story, the citizens could not see their smiles despite the family smiling. This time, they know they are not smiling.
I still think this is Kevin's family, perhaps a different one of his however. Or maybe he's starting to remember it more accurately.
"And I want to add that The Smiling God loves all of Its children, no matter what…. Unless you’re shunned. If your community doesn’t want you, The Smiling God doesn’t either."
Kevin is shunned by the community. Later, Lauren says this:
"KEVIN: Not even a hint as to how the Smiling God sees me?
LAUREN: I’m only allowed tell people happy news. And if I told you what the Smiling God really thinks of you, you’d become sad, and the Smiling God does not like it when you’re sad. So…. no."
The smiling god does not love kevin.
"You know, when I think someone is feeling sad, I won’t talk to them again for months, maybe years. It’s important to give people space."
The last time Lauren saw kevin, supposedly, was at the mudstone abyss. She then did not speak to him for years.
"Isn’t that what you’d do, Kevin?"
Referencing herself, Carlos, or possibly Charles here. If we return to the theory that The Boy is Donovan, and he has been missing for several years in DOW time.... Charles and Kevin could've had a fight/temp broken up, hence why we don't hear about them.
"It’s important that we face our greatest fear, and that is sadness.
LAUREN: And it’s important that we face our pasts, too. The story of the Schlechts is not always a happy one, but we must make amends for the wrongs of history.
KEVIN: [dubious] Of course.
LAUREN: Because to ignore our past is to destroy our future. I hope you don’t have anything in your past that you’ve not atoned for, Kevin."
This.
"KEVIN: [knows she means him] No. I’m good."
Him? Who's him? Kevin? Charles? Carlos? Donovan? Cecil? Something happened since we saw Kevin last.
Also: The weather. The line about sitting and seeing the town you built together? Kevin and Carlos after having built Dow. The whole song, very Kevin and Carlos vibes.
Kevin's general uncomfortableness around Lauren. Compared to how we've heard him act before, Kevin in general seemed nervous, very much unlike his past self. He seems to be moving towards the third era of triptych.
Will analyze this all more probably wednesday/thursday, my phone is dying and i have halloween shit to do tomorrow.
THE BOY IS BACK!!!!!!!
#please talk to me about this episode rigjt fucking now#so i can talk ab it laundry#*LATER#kevin wtnv#wtnv spoilers#welcome to night vale spoilers#wtnv 237#wtnv 237 spoilers
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1-70
OH MY GODODOD CRACKING MY KNUCKLES
01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? YES PRETTY GOOD!!
02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? My friends :')
03: Do you regret anything? Like a billion things that I won't get into here >:)
04: Are you insecure? Only on Fridays
05: What is your relationship status? SINGLE YEAAA BOIEEIEEEE
06: How do you want to die? In my sleep would be the most ideal tbh I'm down for that
07: What did you last eat? Ritz crackers and peanut butter;;.....
08: Played any sports? IN MY LIFE? YEA!! RECENTLY? UHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh
I hate playing on teams so I usually just fuck about on my own or with friends, you'll never catch me joining like actual sports teams again
09: Do you bite your nails? Surprisingly no o-o
10: When was your last physical fight? Too long ago. I'm really itching. SOMEONE PLEASE SPAR WITH ME
11: Do you like someone? I WISH I DID. FUCK.
12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? HEEELL NAW I'M LIKE A GRANDMA WHEN IT COMES TO GOING TO BED EARLY (against my will, i am simply a tired bitch)
13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? Everyone except the people I don't hate
14: Do you miss someone? Deeply :D
15: Have any pets? I don't have any personally, but my mom has two kitties named Nikki and Tessie. When I go visit her, I get to see them too. She had them since before I moved away, so I still consider them kind of my cats :')
16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? Lonely enough to do this, but also happy enough to do this
17: Ever made out in the bathroom? I thought this said 'have you ever made it out of the bathroom' and I'm like honestly no my ibs could never
On that note, no but call me
18: Are you scared of spiders? No :(
19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? I'd go back to a time before I was born, definitely the 70s or 80s just to experience it for awhile.
But if I was limited to only going back in time during the years I was alive, no I would never go back. I feel like I've learned a lot over the years and I don't want to lose that progress
20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? Probably the airport
21: What are your plans for this weekend? MY ROOMMATE BLAIR HAS A CHOW CHOW PUPPY AND WE'RE TAKING HER TO A DOGGIE SOCIAL ON SATURDAY. Also maybe going to an art show/mall on Sunday.
22: Do you want to have kids? How many? Zero, have you seen the state of the world??
23: Do you have piercings? How many? I have ear piercings, but I think they closed up :// I REGRET LETTING THEM CLOSE
24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? Like in school? That's a lifetime ago oh god Science
25: Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes almost everybody I've ever known, whether it ended on good or bad terms. I am simply a sentimental soul with a horrible memory
26: What are you craving right now? Making out with a stranger that I know
27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? @_@;;;.... yea
28: Have you ever been cheated on? No
29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? PROBABLY, I'M SORRY IF SO
30: What’s irritating you right now? Social media is grating on my fucking nerves, so much so that I'm weening off insta and twitter and I've ended up back here. Right here.
31: Does somebody love you? If so lemme know
32: What is your favourite color? Pink, white, gold
33: Do you have trust issues? Fortunately not
34: Who/what was your last dream about? I think I dreamed I was Percy Jackson and I was befriending some monsters instead of killing them.
35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? My roommate like literally yesterday :D
36: Do you give out second chances too easily? I'd give anyone a second chance, but I don't think I'd give a third chance.
37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? I forgive because I don't hold grudges and then my memory is so rotten that I forget why I was mad in the first place
38: Is this year the best year of your life? ITS BARELY 2024 SO I CAN'T ANSWER YET
39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 16 I think. Shout out to Solangelo
40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? No but this made me realize I never have, and now I want to
51: Favourite food? I can't think of anything, so like I do at restaurant menus I'll default to chicken strips :)
52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Yes 100%
53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? shower, work on writing my fics, jerk off, draw, you decide what order
54: Is cheating ever okay? Never, unless your partner knows but then its not chEATING IS IT
55: Are you mean? Honestly maybe
56: How many people have you fist fought? Not enough (none. please. please spar with me I need to train)
57: Do you believe in true love? I believe some people believe in it and can find that for themselves. I hope I become one of them
58: Favourite weather? If I can't wear a bikini, I'm sad. But crisp Autumn mornings also hit like no other..
59: Do you like the snow? I love visiting the snow, I wouldn't want to live in the snow
60: Do you wanna get married? I haven't really thought about it lately. So currently, I guess not xD
61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? Hell yea, but turn up the heat
62: What makes you happy? @hyenahijinks @yuuidflourite @comets-nix and drawing
63: Would you change your name? Some people call me Grace which I like a lot, it's my middle name tho
64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? I'd totally do it, but I'd probably get that fist fight I've been begging for instead
65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Been there done that, we over it and stronger than ever >:)
66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? @hyenahijinks ILY bitch
67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? @hyenahijinks
68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? LOL MY MOM TODAY ACTUALLY
69: Do you believe in soulmates? ARE TRUE LOVE AND SOULMATES NOT THE SAME THING
70: Is there anyone you would die for? My friends and parents 100% but I'm also not like super attached to breathing to begin with so the decision would be very easy
THATS A HELL OF A WAY TO END AN ASK MEME THANK YOU FOR ASKING THESE HUMPHREY
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