#i don't get straightup called creepy

[yardsards]

i'm not gonna tell people to ignore their intuition cuz 1: that's hella unsafe cuz intuition can be useful 2: it doesn't really help either party if you try to force yourself to befriend someone you Just Don't Like. but like.

i think a lot of times when neurotypicals mention like "i don't know what it is about that person, they just weird me out" the thing that they're subconsciously picking up on is just... autism.

like, just existing with autism feels like i am constantly exuding the social equivalent of the uncanny valley effect. growing up autistic felt like i was walking around with a face that looked like a haunted doll. and i learned all the tricks to make my face less scary to others, to cover it up, to over-compensate and make myself seem friendly and inviting in spite of the face. and it helped and people don't quite mock or revile me like they used to. but i still worry that there's still something about me that makes people seem to avoid me, often without them even consciously noticing they're doing it. and it's no one's fault but it just kinda sucks.

at least there are my fellow haunted dolls out there who understand. who don't see my porcelain face as something vaguely Wrong, who just see a face like theirs.