#i don't even listen to mitski that much

[feliciacrowmotion]

never read the book, never watched the movie

but when felix ravinstill was being fed to Festus Creed's dogs (losing btw) apple in mouth on a silver platter style, do you think he was garnished with the exploded remains of @felixravinstills? And Festus, having bet on these dogs (losing btw) became their dessert. yum yum the hunger games

[adhdtsukasa]

i have a lot of questions about where the second place of my all time fav artists went. like seriously. where it is. did deco*27 evaporate

[whataboutthesun]

sad music my best friend

[not-neverland06]

I don't know why I bite

Logan howlett x fem!reader

a/n: Had Mitski’s ‘I Bet on Losing Dogs’ on a loop while writing this, now I’m sad Inspired by the isle of dogs quote “I’m not a violent dog, I don’t know why I bite” BECAUSE OUCH (they’re both toxic, fair warning) bittersweet ending Summary: You've tried for so long to get Logan to accept you the way he does the others. You want so desperately to be someone who means something to him. But he doesn't want you, maybe he never has. And you both seem to be stuck in this loop of hurting each other.

You’re stability, security, but you’re never comfort. Try as you might, you just can’t get Logan to accept you. You want to. So desperately, you want to be something good for him. But he hates you, or at the very least, he can’t stand you. 

You don’t know what it is about Jean that he craves, but you wish you could replicate it. You’re not your friend, though, you never will be. And it’s pathetic, trying to change yourself to make someone else happy. You’ve never done that before. Yet, there is something about Logan that you want so desperately to help. 

You clean his wounds, metaphorically because he’s never once needed anyone for that. You lift him up after a rough mission and you remind him that the team does need him. They do love him. They want him in that uniform beside them, even Scott. 

You have your suspicions that he doesn’t appreciate your efforts. He’s never outright said anything to you. But you can tell the novelty of your kindness is wearing off. He used to brush your efforts off with a simple look. 

But he’s begun to be mean, saying these little things that you can never completely call out. A lot of what he says is based in truth. “Do you ever stop talking?” No, you don’t. You like talking with your friends, like sharing stories, and laughing together. 

“Has anyone ever told you to fuck off?” Yes, and it hurt. And it continues to hurt. “Why don’t you just shut up for once?” You can’t. You can’t because if you stop talking, if you stop distracting yourself then you’ll actually feel everything. You can’t stop talking, you can’t stop taking care of others because you cannot take care of yourself. You’re incapable of it. 

You can’t say that he’s being rude or mean. He’s just being blunt, and gruff, that’s just how he is. That’s what everyone tells you. They tell you to just ignore when he’s being a dick because he doesn’t really mean it. That’s just what he does because he doesn’t know any other way. 

You shouldn’t have listened. You shouldn’t have placed so much faith in others. You should have just left him alone. Maybe then he wouldn’t have snapped, wouldn’t have said such cruel things to you. 

It broke you a little inside. Hearing what he really thought of you. Despite it all, despite the cruel words and harsh attitude, you had hope. You thought they were all right, that he just needed to warm up to you. And you so desperately just wanted to be something for him to lean on because you’ve never had that before and you know what it feels like to be so lonely. 

“Hey, Logan.” You step into the kitchen, rooting around in the fridge for something to snack on. “Weren’t there apples in here?” You’re talking aloud, but it’s meant for yourself. 

It’s that moment that it all finally comes crashing down. This pathetic illusion that he wants anything to do with you or your friendship. It almost makes you laugh, that this mundane moment is when you feel your heart shatter in your chest. When you get so sick to your stomach your bones ache and your limbs tingle with this odd phantom pain. 

“Could you just shut up?” his voice is low as he leans over the counter. His fingers spin idly around the neck of a beer bottle. You wonder how he managed to sneak it in here, Charles has banned alcohol. You watch the condensation collect on the cracks of his palm and shrug the pain off. 

You’re used to this. This is normal. “Right,” you squeeze past him and look in the pantry. “Sorry,” you whisper, if you speak any louder your voice will crack and that will just make everything worse. 

“You’re just always around, aren’t you?” You glance over your shoulder at him but you don’t respond. Deny it as much as he wants, you have gotten to know him. You recognize the tells. 

He’s had a bad day, he needs a way to get it out of his system. You just happened to walk into the kitchen at the wrong time. It could be anyone he snaps at, but today it’s you. Which seems to be happening more often. 

You do what you did when you were a kid, eyes forward, face flat. You keep yourself neutral, let yourself sink into that apathetic place so whatever he yells at you doesn’t hurt. “You tiptoe around me, act like I’m this wounded stray you need to fix.” 

Your brows pinch in confusion and you shake your head. Second mistake. You shouldn’t have walked into the kitchen in the first place. And you definitely shouldn’t have argued. “No, Logan, that’s not true-”

Although, maybe he has a point. You can’t fix yourself so you try and fix him. 

“I don’t know why they keep you around. You contribute nothing, you do nothing for any of us. We can’t even take you out on the field,” his voice begins to raise and you find yourself backing into the cabinets, hating the way this is beginning to make you feel. “You’re so fucking sensitive we can’t trust that you won’t just kill us all if something goes wrong! You don’t deserve a spot on this team!”

You jump back as he shouts at you, hip jamming into the corner of the island so hard you have to bite your lip so you don’t make a noise. Spit flies from the corners of his mouth, the ferocity of his voice and words are that strong. 

You take in a few quick breaths, blinking the sting out of your eyes and focusing on the wall behind him. “Get it through your thick fuckin’ skull,” he warns, his voice quieter now. “I don’t want you around. Leave me alone.”

You don’t cry, you can’t cry. You don’t speak because you’re afraid of what other cruelties that might provoke. Maybe you would understand all this if you’d been bugging him when he’d already made it clear he needed space. All you wanted was a fucking apple. 

You don’t feel much of anything as you slowly nod your head, not agreeing but appeasing. He watches you with something like surprise on his face. You don’t know that he’s wondering why you’re not saying anything back. 

It’s why he yells at you when he doesn’t know what to do. You can take it, you can put him in his place. But you’re not speaking and he doesn’t know why this time is so different. 

Finally, you turn on your heel and leave, footsteps soft as you retreat back to your room. Logan watches you go with an odd twisting feeling in his stomach. He didn’t think you could be pushed too far. You seem to always just have this endless patience. 

You treat him gently, even when the others get sick of the way he processes things. Today was hard, you just happened to be nearby. He didn’t mean half of what he said. He doesn’t know why he lashes out the way he does, he just doesn’t know what else to do. 

He doesn’t like it, contrary to what the others think. He doesn’t like hurting you or being mean to you. He doesn’t know what it is about you that provokes this side of him that no one else does. Maybe it’s because he’s afraid. He can’t say what he’s afraid of, he’s never been able to admit it to himself. 

He’s yelled at you plenty of times before. You don’t know what it is about that one day that was so different. Normally, it doesn’t bother you. You’ll set him straight or give him space. But today, it was needless. You weren’t doing anything. 

You didn’t deserve to be lashed out like that, cornered and scared in the place you call home. 

It was unprovoked and maybe it finally made you see him for what he really is. A bully. It doesn’t make sense, how he can be so kind and caring to Marie. How he can help Jean and Ororo so sweetly, but can’t muster one kind fucking word for you. 

You don’t let yourself cry, even though you want to. Even though there’s a cloying, suffocating feeling clawing its way up the back of your throat. His room is on the same hall as yours and you don’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he made you cry. 

You, at the very least, finally stop asking yourself what you did wrong. Instead, you start to wonder what’s wrong with him. You get sick to your stomach, thinking about all the ways you cared for him. Remembering how much of yourself you gave up to make him happy. 

He was right about that, you are pathetic. He never deserved your help or your patience. You should never have offered him any grace. You’re embarrassed that you didn’t see it sooner. This isn’t a little boy pulling your pigtails because he likes you. This is a grown man who can’t regulate his emotions and decided you were the next best punching bag. 

You take in a few deep, shaky breaths and close your eyes until you’re forced to fall asleep. You don’t want to think or feel any of what just happened.

Logan hovers in front of your doorway for ten minutes before he heads downstairs. He’s got a class to run, he doesn’t have time to wait for you to wake up, he reasons. He’ll find you later and apologize then. 

It didn’t take a genius to realize he had gone too far yesterday. Even if you could take his usual level of dickishness, you didn’t deserve it. He just didn’t know what to do around you. You made him confront so many different conflicting emotions. It’s like every time he looks at you his brain is being ripped in twenty different directions and he doesn’t know what to do. 

You’re so endlessly patient and gracious. It makes him realize he wants to be a better man and he can’t be. He resents you slightly for that. For having such a wonderful idea of what he could be, even though he knows he can never be that man.  

He doesn’t find you that day. He makes up enough excuses that he goes to bed promising himself he’ll apologize tomorrow. Which he never does. Because actually saying it would be an admittance that he knows what he did was wrong. And what does that make every other time he’s yelled at you? What does that make him?

It returns to the same cycle it always does. He waits a few days until things are cooled down and you’ll have already forgotten about it. He starts to feel overwhelmed and he goes to find you because you always know what to do. And if you don’t, then you provide an outlet. 

He spots the back of your head in the gardens. You’re with Jean and he expects the usual dirty look she gives him after you’ve both fought. Instead, she smiles warmly at him and waves. Which is odd, usually you tell her about what’s happened between the two of you and she holds the grudge longer than you do. 

You glance over your shoulder, a small smile on your lips, to see who she’s waving at. Logan sees the way it falls when you see him and his steps falter. You never do that, you always look so happy to see him. 

“Jean,” he greets curtly, eyes on you. 

She says hello and they both look to you. Normally, you would have already spoken. But you don’t, you turn your eyes to the kids. Jean frowns and turns back to him, “Everything alright, Logan?” 

He can’t take his eyes off of you. You read his moods, and know them better than he does. You should have already offered to talk. Maybe he really does need to apologize. The thought leaves a sour taste in his mouth. 

He says your name and your brows just barely raise in question, though you couldn’t seem less interested. “Need to talk to you.”

You shrug, “Sorry, can’t. I’ve got a meeting to get to.” You brush past him and walk back into the mansion. He and Jean both watch you go, each of them shocked by how dismissive you were. That’s never happened before. 

“What the fuck did you do?” Jean demands, the smile gone from her face and her tone deadly. She glares at him, clearly expecting an answer. But he doesn’t have one. Because this is something he’s done a million times and this has never happened. He doesn’t know what’s gone wrong. 

He thought your absence would be a relief. After a few more days he begins to realize that he was wrong. He thought that not having someone constantly badgering him to be better and set good examples for the kids would be a relief. 

There’s no one nagging him. No one forcibly checking on him after a mission when he doesn’t need it. No one to care. 

There are chunks of his day that you would normally fill that now seem to drag on. Lunches are quiet without you constantly rambling about nothing in his ear. When there’s friction among the team and they’re ganging up on him, you remain silent. He supposes he should be grateful. 

You finally listened to him for once. But he’s angry. He always seems to be angry and he doesn’t understand why. There is so much of his mind and life that was stolen from him. He wonders if he got any of it back if it would explain why he is the way he is. 

It doesn’t matter because it wouldn’t fix what he can’t undo. He sees you with the others constantly. You’re always laughing, always happy. Like nothing’s happened. Like you haven’t cut him out of your life completely. And then, when you’re around him, it’s like a switch is flipped. 

You’re irritatingly silent. Practically a brick wall. He pokes and he prods, using every weapon in his arsenal to try and provoke a reaction from you. But you give him nothing. 

There is an ache in his chest when he sees the way your smile drops when he walks into a room. He doesn’t understand the feeling. This is exactly what he wanted. To be left alone. 

It feels so wrong. 

It happens in the kitchen again. Odd, that that’s become such an important place to you. 

Your back is to the entrance and you’re busy slicing up some fruit for yourself. You don’t hear him come in. Not until he speaks. “I’m-” you jump at the sound of his voice. Whirling around with a shocked look on your face. 

He chuckles a little at the reaction but when you don’t smile he stops. “I’m sorry,” he blurts out. It sounds semi genuine. But it also sounds like it hurt him to say. “I’m sorry, so can you please just stop ignoring me?”

You shrug and go back to cutting up the fruit. “I’m not ignoring you.”

“No?” He demands. “Then why don’t you talk to me? Why don’t we eat lunch together anymore? You can’t even fucking look at me.”

You slam the knife down on the cutting board, taking in a deep breath so you don’t do something you regret. Your nails dig into your palms, trying to center yourself. “I’m doing exactly what you wanted,” you utter, voice low. 

You turn just enough to make eye contact. “I’m leaving you the fuck alone. That’s what you wanted right? I don’t think I could have misheard while you were screaming it at me.” You turn to leave, abandoning your fruit because you don’t have an appetite anymore. 

“I didn’t mean it,” he whispers before you can make it out of the kitchen. “I,” he stops and starts again, “I miss you. I’m not a mean person, I don’t know why I hurt you.”

You stare at him, face unflinching. You give him nothing and he knows it's what he deserves. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, and I’m not asking for it-”

“Good,” you cut him off with a disgusted sneer. “Because I’m not looking to hand it out. Especially not to you. You only want me because you miss what I do for you. You don’t deserve my forgiveness. You don’t deserve me.” You turn on your heel and walk away from him, unwilling to entertain any more conversation. 

This is what you’ve always done. When someone hurts you, really irrevocably hurts you, they’re gone. They’re gone from your life. From your mind. More importantly, your heart. You don’t have any obligations to entertain him or speak with him outside of professionalism. 

You thought cutting him out of your life would hurt more. But it’s like you can breathe for the first time in months. You’re no longer striving to gain someone’s approval. You’re not chasing after something you’ll never catch. 

You can find happiness within yourself. Begin to do the things you would do for him, for you. It’s a relief. And a little sobering. Perhaps, in your mission to help him, you’d burdened him with the desires you had for yourself. 

You believe that you’re unfixable. You believe there are facets of yourself that are too dark to face. That you are undeserving of love and kindness. You recognized those things in Logan and tried to force on him what you’ve always wanted for yourself. 

It was wrong. A mutually toxic relationship that never would have made it far had anything actually happened between you two. You can’t paint yourself the victim and you never meant to. It’s why you didn’t tell anyone what happened between the two of you. 

They wonder, of course, why you no longer spend lunches together. Why you no longer rush to defend him when he doesn’t need the help. Why you don’t smile around him anymore. There are questions that you deflect. Saying, you just needed space from each other. 

Your harm was a silent one. Forcing him into a mold he was never going to fit in. Despite the claims of loneliness, you can see the way your absence benefits him. He’s calmer, less likely to yell when provoked. He just needed the space to find himself. Not to have someone try and make him something new. 

You feel an ache in your chest when you think about how differently things could have been had you just let him be. If you had let things happen between the two of you naturally then maybe you really could have been something great. 

A month goes by without speaking to each other. After that day in the kitchen, he seems to understand that there’s no putting back together what was broken. It was already cracked to start with, the break was inevitable. 

You warm slowly to him. Give him polite greetings when you see him. And he smiles at you sometimes, on the jet when Scott says something ridiculous, or just in passing. It’s nice, being a stranger to him. It’s comforting. 

“We need to stop meeting like this.”

You look up from the paperwork in front of you and give Logan a small smile. He’s hovering in the entrance to the kitchen and you know he’s waiting for your permission. “Hi,” you say softly.

He takes that as the go-ahead and walks in, heading for the fridge. You listen to him rummage around before he pulls out a beer. “Where do you hide those things?” You ask, and you almost bite your tongue. This is the most you’ve spoken to each other in a long time. It feels wrong to joke so easily. 

“Can’t tell you or Wheels is gonna stop me,” he grumbles. You just nod and turn your head back to your paperwork. It’s silent for a few minutes after that. He sits a little further down the island, nursing the beer while your pen scratches across the reports your students gave you. 

He clears his throat and you glance over at him from the corner of your eye. “I,” he starts but quickly closes his mouth. “Ah, forget it.”

Your brows pinch in confusion but you decide to leave it. You oddly don’t feel scared or anxious. You don’t worry that he’s going to snap at you if you provoke him. You choose not to because you’re not interested in engaging. 

You don’t really recognize the man before you. Maybe it’s because you never tried to get to know him before you tried changing him. It causes that familiar clenching feeling of guilt in your gut. 

You know if you gave him a chance things would be different. You could be friends, real friends. There’s a reason you latched so readily onto him. There’s a familiar pain in him that’s reflected back in you. 

You stand up, shuffling the papers into a neat stack and pushing your stool in. Logan straightens up as he watches you wash off your dishes and collect your items. Before you can make it out of the kitchen he’s standing from his chair. 

He stops in front of you, hand outstretched before him. “Logan,” he greets. 

You tilt your head in confusion, glancing between him and his hand before it finally clicks what he’s trying to do. Start over, reintroduce yourselves. Actually give each other chances to understand the other. 

This all started because you shared the same pain and you resented each other for it. But you could comfort each other instead. Be pillars of stability and strength in each other’s lives instead of trying to tear the other down so you don’t see yourself in them anymore. 

You were both too afraid to face who you truly are and it nearly destroyed you. But this is a stranger in front of you. You don’t know this man, but you think you’d like to. You give him your name and shake his hand firmly. “Nice to meet you,” you whisper, a slight joke to your tone. 

He holds on for a second longer than he should, the breath rushing out of him like he hadn’t thought you would accept. You smile softly at him before you pass by to go upstairs. His hand lingers on your, skin tingling under your touch until you can no longer hold on. 

You don’t know what it means for you, this odd new truce between the two of you. But you won’t linger on that tonight. You’ll go to bed feeling comforted that for the first time since you’ve met him, Logan has made you happy. 

a/n: felt more like a diary entry than a fic, sorry lol

end. — I do not own the characters or the comics/movies Wolverine/X-Men, but this writing is my own all rights reserved © not-neverland06 2024. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.

General Taglist: @evasmlp

Logan Taglist:  @nonamevenus @smexy-bucky-waifu @wh1sp @peony-always ♡

[hrrtshape]

girl interrupted... by moral responsibility: or why i don't permashift

i know a lot of people are probably wondering why i personally don't permashift. which, honestly, fair question. especially right now. the planet's falling apart, and everyone's either crying, coping, or combusting in real time. and i can permashift. i know that. it's not a capability thing. it's a decision thing. and i was just talking to @sheeezu (fantastic blog, if you haven't followed, do so right now) about it so let's open the floor. grab a snack. here's my roman empire of a reason list.

first of, i have industrial-grade imposter syndrome. like i wake up and immediately think 'you? deserve nice things? on what metaphysical basis.' i feel like i'm always sneaking into my own life like i'm gonna get caught for identity fraud. i can shift realities but i can't shift my belief that i'm undeserving of them. bpd moment. childhood trauma speedrun. like yes, i built this entire world pixel by pixel, character arc by character arc, but also. i'm clearly a fraud and any second now the universe is gonna revoke my access and repossess my dreamhouse. lol.

the fear of fucking it all up looms large. this one is self-explanatory but unfortunately not self-correcting. like i will be in my desired reality, martini in one hand, coryo in the other, and a little part of my brain will go 'what if you ruin it.' just that. no context. just a whisper in the wind like the ghost of self-sabotage past. what if i burn it down because i get scared. what if i shift to the wrong timeline. what if i never shift again. what if i change a detail and suddenly everyone speaks in riddles and my soulmate doesn't love me anymore because of xyz. this is literally not a normal fear. it's a david lynch subplot. but it lives in my head full-time

third. this shit's overwhelming. like it's not just 'fun little escapism' anymore. it's full-sensory immersive metaphysical brain-hacking with a side of soul realignment. it's big. it's beautiful. it's, frankly, mentally overstimulating. the kind of overstimulation that feels like a fire alarm made of glitter and theological contradiction. shifting is amazing. and also....... it feels like trying to download every episode of succession and gilmore girls directly into my bloodstream. like sometimes i just wanna sit on my kitchen floor and listen to mitski without my subconscious screaming 'you should be in your dr. why are you here. get up. you're the reason for your own suffering.' i love it. and it's also so much.

and then there's attachment. i know. i know. this reality??? the one currently cosplaying as a slow-motion apocalypse with bonus microplastics and fascism??? yeah. that one. i still feel attached to it. it's stupid. it's unwise. it's parasocial relationship with your own trauma. but i do. i'm tethered to this world in ways i can't entirely explain. there are people here. not perfect people. not always kind people. but people who make me laugh, who make my neurons do backflips. my friends who aren't in my dr are here. a different version of my dad is here. my thoughts echo differently in this air. even the ache feels...personal. i've suffered here. and in some feral, mythic way, i earned my joy here too. every shift feels like a miracle but this reality.... this is where i dug through the dirt for god. this is where i built a life on top of migraine dreams and mcdonald's runs and midnight breakdowns and somehow survived. this is where i cried in public and made it mean something. this is where i built lore. i'm attached because i'm storied. like this reality has narrative weight. every shifted world is real, but this one is mine. mine in the 'i bled here' way. mine in the 'i made memes through the pain' way. mine in the way a war correspondent still misses the hotel lobby they almost died in.

and….well…i don't live a horrible life. this part's awkward to say out loud because the internet's allergic to nuance and thinks honesty is a brag. but like. if we're being painfully transparent, my life is not terrible. it's not perfect. i am not some rich girl sipping cucumber water on a yacht while plotting to tax dodge with my parents' financial advisor (his name is definitely jackson. he vapes. you can feel it). no. i'm just...kind of good. i'm upper class. i have food. a home. clothes i didn't make from newspaper and a mom who can wire me 50 euros for food out of the blue and can arrange a trip to ibiza for ten days. i'm not being chased out of my house for existing. i've got medical care. mostly. sometimes. the point is, i have enough privilege to admit that my suffering is not constant. and that matters. that changes the urgency. not the need, but the urgency. shifting saved me, yes. but i'm not in daily psychic agony anymore. i can afford to stay here a little longer. i can afford to wait. and i'm saying this not to gatekeep or guilt-trip or pull some weird 'gratitude aesthetic' nonsense. i'm saying this because honesty matters. people shift for different reasons. not everyone is trying to escape a waking nightmare. some of us are just...trying to find the version of ourselves we only see in dreams. and that version is patient. she understands that privilege doesn't cancel out pain, it just reroutes it. so yeah. i'm not running. not today. maybe tomorrow. maybe next week. but for now..... i just like to stay. because i can. and because something in me still wants to make this one count.

and this is the most 'girl really?' one. but. i feel bad. like cosmically. like 'leaves money under your pillow when you shift and cries because someone else is stuck' bad. i didn't shift for four years. i was elbow-deep in forum drama and script rewrites and spiritual breakdowns and reality hunger. i remember what that felt like. the drought. the ache. the constant crushing feeling of being forgotten by the universe's algorithm. and now that i'm on the other side, i can't let it go. not in a saviour complex way (okay. maybe a little saviour complex. sue me.) but in a 'i feel like i'm abandoning people in the trench' way. i can't permashift knowing there are girls out there refreshing amino apps at 3am and crying into their wolfstar moodboards. i can't be sipping cosmos in a yacht while someone's clinging to a post like it's a rosary. shifting is freedom. and right now i'm choosing solidarity. because my guilt is catholic-level and my heart is bleeding in four dimensions.

so. that's why. i'm not afraid of the magic. i'm just also, simultaneously, tragically loyal to the mess. to the people still in the hallway. to the broken vending machine of this timeline. i'll permashift when it stops feeling like a betrayal. until then. i'm here. still shifting. still glitching. still holding the door open.

[dollyfetti]

　𐔌　heaven ₊˚ ♡

summary: katsuki doesn’t speak much these days, or listen for that matter. he just tries his best to hold on, like he can keep you here if he never lets go. but the rainy thunder rolls, your breath slows, and goodbye lingers on his coffee mug where your final stain of lipstick clings.

notes: katsuki bakugou x sick!reader, based on heaven by mitski, angst, death

word count: 881

˚○ ୨୧ masterlist navi

all of our love filling all of our room your low warm voice curses as you find the string to strike within me that rings out a note heard in heaven

your hand is warm in his. damp with sweat, your fingers curl weakly around his. katsuki presses his other hand over yours, as if his touch alone could anchor you here. his eyes stay fixed on your chest, watching the slow, unsteady rise and fall, it being his only sense of hope.

you're sick, and all you can talk about is what heaven will be like. he can't bear to listen, so he's tuned you out.

your voice is quiet, raspy at the edges, murmuring names of people you’ve missed and places you hope exist on the other side. he nods when he needs to, hums in the right places, just enough to convince you he’s with you in the conversation.

you’ve made peace with dying. you speak of it with a strange calm, like you’re planning a trip. he hates it. hates the way you’ve described your own funeral in detail. hates that you made him promise things he doesn’t remember because he was ignoring your stupid rambles. you have no hope. any shred you once had left as soon as you became bedridden.

every morning, you ask your fiancé to do your makeup. you hate watching him sit and stare at you, all of the words he has stored inside of him unable to spill out. and anyhow, it gives you something to hold onto— a little routine, a little vanity, even as your body withers. he painted your lips with a shade you used to wear out on dates, even though it only ends up smudged on his mug as you sip from it with shaky hands. it's cold now, he only took one sip before forgetting about it entirely on the nightstand.

katsuki grunts softly, brushing his thumb over the back of your hand. when your voice finally quiets, he exhales like he's surfaced from underwater. "you look pretty." he murmurs.

really, you're far from it. your hair is tangled, skin pale and stretched thin, your lips cracked beneath the lipstick. but it warms your slow beating heart.

you hand the mug to him, letting him put it back on the nightstand. your lipstick's a little smudged, worsening how it looks on your dried out lips.

"when i die," you begin to croak out after a passing moment, and he’s slipping back into the fog, blocking out your words like static. small curses tumble out, his voice low and gruff. your head turns to a window in the shared bedroom, watching as rain begins to pour from the sky, hard and heavy.

katsuki knows you like the rain. you liked snuggling up with him in bed as he read to you, his voice gentle and warm. you liked going outside and kissing him, all soaked like in the movies. you liked the adrenaline of running to the car when you were both on an unprepared walk back from a restaurant.

his grip on your hand tightens. he lifts it to his lips, pressing a kiss to your engagement ring, his mouth lingering there like a prayer.

your eyes are glued to the glass, smiling faintly as you spot lightning. "zeus is saying hi!" as you used to say whenever you spotted it. you don't now, because truthfully, you know this is one of your last if not the last moment of your life.

katsuki's finding it harder to tune you out. he's overwhelmed by the loud pattering of rain against the window, deep thunder growling every few seconds, your nonstop rambling, still going on about heaven this and heaven that.

"i love you, katsuki bakugou." you mutter, finally turning away from the window to look at your lover one final time. his eyebrows pinch, the wrinkles on his forehead deep as he scowls.

"don't do that." he says, soft but firm. it slips from him like he's been rehearsing to tell you. he squeezes your hand, his gaze intense as a tear slips down your cheek. he shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut as he drops his head, drowning out your words. he doesn't want to hear it. it's not your time yet. the world can't really be this cruel, not to you.

he doesn't hear you as you mutter, "i'll see you in heaven, husband" with a weak smile and tears falling down your tired face.

thunder rumbles again. katsuki releases your hand just for a second, rising from the bed to shut the curtains— the ones you insisted on picking out. the light vanishes. the room sinks into gray and quiet.

it's dim and gloomy, but as he steps to sit next to you in bed again, he can just barely make out your closed eyes.

he stares, frozen right in front of the bed. his hands clench at his sides, blinking profusely. he swallows, reluctantly sitting down, the mattress shifting beneath his weight "you goin to sleep?" he whispers, clinging to the illusion, of the one strand of hope you offered to him.

when you don't respond like he thought you wouldn't, he hesitantly presses two fingers to the pulse point on your wrist. and the shred of optimism handed to him by you falls away into the abyss. there’s nothing waiting for him except for silence. the kind that swallows everything whole.

now i bend like a willow thinkin of you like a murmurin brook curving about you as i sip on the rest of the coffee you left a kiss left of you

[rocketbaby]

Heelloooo! I haven't ever really sent out a request of my own to any author so I'm not sure how it works wizhuejss but omgosh I love your writing so so much I cant help but atleast give it a chance yk :p

I was wondering if you could maybe write a bakugo x reader where the reader is an extremely girly girl and kinda like the total opposite of bakugo? Kinda like how his parents relationship is with mitski being all bash and loud and then theres masaru. I dont mind any scenario you have in mind whether its suggestive or not just have fun while you write it if you want to :p, that's all ty!

MHA master list

I hope it meets your expectations<3 I dunno exactly what you meant by extremly girly girl but I wrote what i thought of when you said that :( . Also please keep in mind I don't write for Kats that much so this is ass. I would say these are mostly some head cannons. Please excuse any grammar mistakes

trigger warning - vulgar words/swearing

Katsuki Bakugo x girly reader

Katsuki never thought he'd end up falling for a girl like you. He actually didn't think he'd fall for anyone at all but here we were.

You were such a sweetheart compared to his rough and mean personality. He honestly has no idea why you'd even like in the first place..when you guys had met he didn't like you at all.

Your personality and just you overall were the exact opposite of him which he hated back then. He told himself that if he'd end up dating someone it would be a person similar to him, with a tough personality and strong character..and then he met you.

It didn't take long for you both to fall in love. He started finding you somewhat cute and he cringed at that thought at first. He couldn't lie though, katsuki kinda liked how you dressed. You would mostly only wear cute,fancy outfits, usually containing of white/pink thigh warmers with a pretty little Skirt and a cute top. You'd also wear lots of accessories like bows, jewelery and more.

Most of the times you wear your outfits in warm,cute colors like red white pink yellow and maybe even light blue/baby blue. Well surprisingly, Katsuki caught a liking for it,for your outfits.

Head cannon that this man becomes a lover boy when he meets the right person

You love him and his personality too even though he's sometimes embarrassing you in public. You'd go out with him on dates and he would randomly start a fight with one of the waitress's there because he thought the food wasn't cooked properly.

You being a sweetheart,tried to calm him down and assure him that it's not the waitress's fault. Of course Katsuki didn't really listen,he made a scene there while the whole restaurant was staring and whispering.

Obviously,you tried interfering.

"Not now,babe. I need to have a talk with the dude who cooked this shit right here. It doesn't even look edible"

You didn't know what to do anymore and you could just stand back and look at him being a dumbass. He was so fuckin embarrassing.

"You expect us to eat this bull crap?! Even a seven year old kid could do better than this!"

"I came out here with my girl so we could enjoy a good meal and this is what we get? They should hire me,for fucks sake! I'll do the cooking!"

He has absolutely no shame.

This took you by surprise but you found out Katsuki loves to watch you do your make up. He often compliments you on it, alongside with your outfits. That's one of the main reasons why he loves taking you out, because he adores seeing you get all pretty for him.

"The makeup really fits you,love. And that little shit you put on your lips,that glossy thingy,it makes your lips look so much more kissable"

Another thing that he really loves about you is your voice. God it sounds so sweet and nice,he definitely forces you to whisper or talk to him while he falls asleep.

You just sound so feminine and that attracts him. He never thought he'd be into that.

It was so calming to him because his voice is rough and sounds mean. He's loud and vulgar and you with your voice are exactly the opposite,that's what makes it so special to him.

Also because he is a fuckin dumbass and a rude bitch, people are never being kind to him and they also speak poorly to him and about him, he's not used to anyone talking so sweetly..so when you did,he immediately fell in love even harder.

He'd lay his head on your chest, getting comfortable and he would just tap your forearm to get your attention properly.

"Mmh..I wanna go to sleep..do your thing baby, please"

You giggle, knowing what he wants. You were confused on why he'd find this so pleasing but it's not like you mind.

He falls asleep the next second. He can't stay up late,never. Not when he hears your pretty voice.

[thatfrailsoul]

– And I don't want your pity, I just want somebody near me

Divinatory jukebox : "Nobody", by Mitski

tarot pick a pile reading → one, two, three

It really does feel like gambling. The people, the connections, the bonds between us. The search for the right moments, right ways, right rhythms… that takes all the attention, all the feelings, leaving the bits of relationships that we manage to create to be just a mirage. A fever dream we go through with so many complications, anxiety, doubts and fears. Rushing us to the ending, to those cold goodbyes full of tears. And the only thing remaining is to wonder. Did we really experience it? Was it really possible for something like this to happen to begin with? And will this fate chase us down again, forcing us to relive it?

Connections are never easy to begin with. There are too many details and requirements, too much of that complex and at times frustrating humanity in them. Too many to make it work as easily… But we don't help ourselves either. Our mind, our judgement, our anger and frustration that are so easily thrown right back at us, at our own actions and decisions. The answers and explanations that we don't want to hear. The feelings that we don't want to feel because of the fear that it will make it all too real…

This reading is that one message that you are not reading, pretending that you never received it. That truth, that motive or the explanation, that you don't want to make yours. Something that you need to accept, to keep in mind, to learn or do… Something that this world is trying to tell you, with your whole castle of walls around you, hoping that you will allow it to come through. Hoping that you will take a moment to stay in silence and breathe. Listening to your inner voice, that will guide you to that one pile that hides your message in it.

{ Follow me for more readings, reblog or let me know in the comments which pile you chose - I'm really curious.♡ }

P.s. A little question for you ♡

– Pile One,

the clouds: the queen of cups and the knight of wands

picture from → pinterest

Your way of feeling, of loving… of showing it, never was the problem. It never depended on how much you changed for someone, or how much you embraced your own true self. It never was important that you did it for them, how you did it, even if they claimed that it was everything. It never really made any difference, not when all that you did and tried was something that they expected from someone else... Yes, every single one of them.

Every person, every relationship, every connection that faded right before your eyes... They said they wanted it all from you, not realising that they needed it from themselves. Because we do project, we do confuse the things, we do misunderstand the reason behind what we feel. And we almost never admit it, never think that it is only something ours. We cry at what we don't receive from others, what we don't find, what we don't feel. But in reality is at us that we are screaming, not understanding how is it possible that someone that is supposed to genuinely and unconditionally love us, can’t simply make us feel safe and enough within, to the point that we need to seek it in others, begging for it…

But, ironically enough, this story is not about you. You were only the witness of it, again and again, so many times in all these years. You were the person that was used as a mirror, condemned to listen to so many tones in their voices, to see so many contrasting emotions on their faces, thinking that they were looking at you, but not realising that they weren't really seeing you, that they weren't talking to you.

And amidst all of it, you hid yourself. You closed up. Seeking that moment of silence and apparent calm, that space to reflect and think. You tried to understand, to really listen to all those words that are still right here in your mind, hurting you every time you thought you forgot them. You looked for that truth, for that explanation on what you really did wrong, how it could've happen so many times, in so many different situations, with so many different people across the time. But you never found it. So, in doubt, you just chose to never really come back. To not expose your apparently dangerous self to all those innocent souls. To not express your feelings, not through actions nor words, just to not burden them all. Those poor ones that might be forced to endure your wrong type of love.

But it is ridiculous. You don't have so much power over others. No one has such power, except when it is used on our own selves. You can’t be possibly the reason of every disgrace or conflict. And you know it. You are just not able to remind it to yourself, being under all the garbage of their own internal problems that they throw at you without any shame.

It is indeed a too much of a coincidence that it happened so many times with so many different people. But you are not the one that connects them. Or to be exact, not in a way that you convinced yourself you do.

Your love, your ways, just who you are, are not the ones to cause so much distress and pain, you are not the one to broke them down, to destroy their walls and stab them. You are just someone who has a gentle and tender enough way to make them all feel safe. Safe to get closer. Safe to trust. Safe to open up more and more, without realising that all that they were ignoring and bottling down up until now, will simply explode, reversing all their anger on those that are with them, on those that care and want to help them.

You are just that kind, that understanding and patient. Enough to assure others that you won't allow anyone to hurt them so much. That you won’t allow even your own hands to scratch them, always ready to correct yourself and change just to protect their heart. But you can’t always do it. You can’t heal the wounds that they themselves are opening up. You can’t find a cure for an illness that they themselves aren't aware of where it is coming from. You can’t understand it yourself, and then make them understand that you are not the one that they are resenting so much. Not when you both are so resilient in not accepting it.

It is a heavy fate, the one of making others feel so accepted and safe that they don't hold anything back, not even things that have nothing to do with you and what you can make work… But it is not a reason to hide yourself. To keep you in the shadows, never again crossing other paths. It is not your fault that you love strongly and sincerely enough to make others want to escape their traumas, their pains and fears, just for a chance to feel and see this world the same way you did. And it is not your responsibility, the fact that they don't know how to control it, how to sort all of it, once it crashes down upon them.

The only thing you do is love. In all the ways and forms. All you do is being caring, understanding, open… So why would you change it when they see it as something else, as too much or not enough, just because it is different from the love they got used to? Let them go, let them pass by, if they can’t feel satisfied, if they want more as soon as you are willing to give them what others never wanted. But don't do so convinced of the fact that there won’t be someone that will see in you enough. Someone that would feel the same and express it in the same way. Someone that will find you, as soon as you make a step out of the punishment of loneliness that you put yourself in.

– Pile Two,

the birds: the king of cups and the two of cups

picture from → pinterest

You crave them, those feelings. The understanding, the acceptance, the complicity, the intimacy… And yet you force yourself to stop before, every single time you catch a glimpse of it, of the possibility to have it.

Can it be called self sabotage? Self defence? Trauma? Perhaps. But at its core is only the uncertainty of what it will lead to. The wander about whether you will truly find someone that understands you, if they will be really so aligned with you like it seems to? If their thoughts will follow the same flow of energy… Or if their mask of appearance will come down, revealing a wolf in the sheep’s skin, ready to devour you and your every feeling.

It just seems to you like a promise of a heartbreak, long before even connecting. All the time spent together, the little moments that were created, every shy way to get to know each other better… only for them to become someone you need to escape from. It doesn't seem worth it, it doesn't seem safe. It feels just like another losing game destined to leave you feeling played.

But… what else can be a stronger protective or revealing spell than our own words? What else can really shows us who we are and who is standing in front of us? What can be powerful and intimate enough to guide us right to others people core, to their soul, overcoming every obstacle they put in front just to protect themselves from others? And how else someone could ever find us, recognise us, without never listening to the voice of our heart, without seeing what our mind hides?

It is a risk, it is a long and intimidating chess game. But it is not at all worthless, not when it gives you a chance to know your opponent. Perhaps discovering that they are not playing to make you lose in your battle, but only to have a chance to be beside you, to get close to you, through a dance of lunges and parries, until one of you loses all the armour and weapons, remaining vulnerable in front of the other… and seeing in their gaze only admiration and the desire to hold your hand to help you get up stronger.

You are protecting yourself, hiding, making silent and fast steps in the shadows, hoping that no one will notice you, no one will reach out for you and pull you right under the painfully strong and inquisitive light. But while containing your breath, feeling that you only want to come back to your own safe bubble... you also, sometimes, slow down and stutter. When you see someone so bright that it is impossible to not cling to them with your eyes. Someone with a voice so sweet, a laughter so genuinely joyful and free, that you keep hearing them inside your mind for days to come, unable to forget what it sounded like. Someone so caring, so gentle and delicate in their ways, that you can't help but observe them from your hiding spot, admiring them like an angel that somehow survived amidst these mean and angry souls. You still do it, even if you tell yourself that it doesn't matter, that it doesn't mean anything because you will never again come out and get closer to them. You still do it, even if later you tell yourself that it was probably all false, a well played role in this life’s theatre. You still admire them, the people. Their ways, their character, their interests. You still feel that desire to come closer, to see their eyes and the whole universes inside them.

So why don't you just do it? Why don't you let yourself free from this cage that you put yourself in, convinced that it would protect you? Why don't you just connect, not for the future, not for a chance, not for the outcome… but only for that single moment? Because connection is not only about the bonds we create, the relationships that we later have. It is not only about if one thing was true or a lie, a promise or a betrayal to our heart. It is also that one moment, that one second, in which you feel that admiration, that excitement, that desire for more. It is that complicity, those smiles, those bright and joyful eyes. It is that interest, or attraction, or even playfulness caused by all the outcomes that those moments can create and make possible now, make them real.

You are not only protecting yourself from the worst, the most dangerous, the most painful moments… but from those that can make you feel safe and whole too. Those that could teach you, inspire you, guide you. Those that could bring those emotions and colours to a life that is now becoming a little too silent, too heavy in the emptiness they are forcing on your heart.

Make that step forward, allow others to see you, to hear you. Allow them to get to know you as you connect with them. Not just for those relationships that you could create and that already overwhelm your mind with all the things you should fear and worry about… But for you two. Those versions of you and them in this exact moment, so innocent and genuine. That don't have any fault. That didn't yet do anything bad, if not feeling called by another soul.

– Pile Three,

the birds: the eight of coins and the seven of wands

picture from → pinterest

You welcomed them in. Every single one of them. So many souls that you courageously connected with. So many minds that you genuinely understood. So many hearts that you devotedly took care of… No matter what it took, no matter how difficult at times it was. How often you felt torn apart, consumed, by their lives and stories, remaining with so little patience, strength and courage to take care of yourself, of your days and journeys…

There wasn't anything that was too hard, too much to do for them. There wasn't anyone that didn't deserve more attention, more patience, even as you were bleeding because of them. It felt as normal and necessary as breathing, to take care of them, to defend them… even from your own self, when their voices raised in accusation of your love being too suffocating, your desire to help and care, too much.

One after another they changed their mind, their appreciation, their gratefulness for what you did for them, for your way to be and care… And from being cherished and known as someone who is just so caring and loving, one day, you became someone who no one wanted anymore, not so close to them.

They knew better, they were doing everything right, and your suggestions or worries weren't anymore so needed, they became advices no one asked and apprehension no one wanted to be the focus of. They all became mature, independent, and strong enough to face this world on their own. Forgetting thanks to whom they were able to grow and learn so much, who was there by their side every time they'd fall, even if it was difficult for your own self to stand tall as you were holding them.

And while you couldn't force yourself to be angry at their confidence and growth, you also couldn't ignore the fact that it wasn't only this, there was annoyance and resentment too… for the aspects and ways of you that they used to love, choose and look up at you for. And for a heart that is genuine as yours, who can’t and doesn't want to see the bad in those that you love… it is simply confusing. A change so sudden in their behaviour and preference for you and who you are supposed to be. And so many of their voices, of whom used to beg for you to be more closer, that now ask you with anger and frustration why you are here, so ever present?

You can't understand it unless you are in their mind. And they won't tell you what happened either… Because for them the only one to change was you, now that all that they asked for became too much and not anymore needed for them. So you took a step back. Became more silent, more reserved. Not because you wanted to, because you were shy or afraid of being more… But simply because it seemed what all of them wanted. A connection that is only superficial, without any bits of true bond in it, more distanced, more cold. And, just to be sure, you did the same with others too, those that still didn't had a chance to get to see more of you, receive your attention and love, and now will never do. Because you can’t know if they will truly appreciate you or if, apparently, they'll only use you.

But is it really the right thing to do, the right solution? The one to condemn and treat someone coldly, because of another person that actually deserved it? Is it right to ignore those that want to be closer, just because someone else once didn't stay longer? To don't help those that feel so lost and confused, even when every inch of your soul wants to hold them tightly and show them how to go through it?

You are compassionate, you are gentle, you are caring. You want and need to be this way genuinely, without any expectation for others. You are that kind of person that is healing this world, taking care of it, helping us grow with your love and knowledge and experience. And yet you are forcing yourself to become like others, colder, distanced, not interested in what someone feels or goes through. You are trying to change your character, the way you are, the things that you are devoted to and your morals… And because of what? Some people that got up so easily thanks to your support to think that they made it on their own. So naively, like a child who is rushing to show you how well they go on that bike, not seeing that hand that safely holds them.

They might not realise it now. They might continue to think like this for a really long time. But sooner or later they will look back and see all that you did for them, silently thanking you, hoping once again for your forgiveness. But in the meantime, you didn't do it only to have that back, didn't you? You were this way with them because this is who you are, not for them to appreciate it. So why stop being you because of those few? Why putting on pause who you are, not allowing yourself to be this way with anyone else, until those specific people realise their mistakes?

Be you. Be true. Be open and honest. Unlimited in the way you love and care, in the way you truly engage with others. Don't change yourself. Don't try to be someone else who you are not, don't present yourself to new souls this way, because you are much more. And there are so many people who will appreciate your ways and understand their worth.

_

[hel1nn]

PLSS PLSS PLSS I NEED THIS

So Gojo has been neglecting his girlfriend y/n because of triggering the mental health of gojo's ex and because gojo still loves his ex he starts to neglect or abandon y/n but then again y/n only sees gojo as the source of her light, y/n sees gojo as a reason why y/n is still alive, and when Gojo starts to get mad towards y/n, y/n slowly falls apart and led her to death

PLS PLS I'M ON MY KNEES!!

The other women.

︵⠀satoru gojo x fem!reader ⠀◌Ⳋ��

⌗ !! Heavy angst | Cursed words | heart break |

Listen to i bet on losing dogs by mitski and the other woman by lana del rey while reading:b

A/N : thanks for the request ^.^

Oh how you want him to forget about her. You know why satoru is avoiding you all the time. You caught him texting his ex, begging her to meet him. But his contact was blocked in her ohone,All you could do was keep it to yourself. What else can you do anyway, he's all you have left and trying your best to make him forget about his ex. As always you were watching tv alone,the promise of a movie night long gone. His not coming back hoke tonight again. You can't even focus on the show on tv,all you could think was about satoru. How he isn't sleeping properly,the bags underneath his eyes. You want to be his safe space that you always wanted to be. From the start of your relationship,satoru would let you touch him,even let you have the intimacy time with him but as time passes satoru had been pushing you away more and more. Its only two year of your relationship with him and why are your feelings are so deep? Because even before dating him you had loved hik for years,even when his ex and him were together. You had admired him from afar,not even daring to step into his love life. But when satoru accepted your love you thought you don't have to admire him from afar anymore yet. Here you are now,seeing satoru again cling to his ex,but you were still trying your best to continue this relationship. Trying your best to be enough for him, always treating him like satoru not like the strongest. You were snapped out of your thoughts at the sound of your phone buzzing. Maybe its satoru,as you though just to see shokos contact spaming you with so many texts. You were to tired to reply to anyone's texts and calls for now except satoru. You and shoko weren't that close but still she was a sweetheart to you. You turn the tv off, walking off to the bedroom to sleep knowing that trying to sleep is useless for you. You lay down on your bed,the clock already hitting 12 am.

It's already 3 am and satoru still hasn't come back,why ? You thought as always. You can't sleep, can't sleep without his warmth. One time you tood him this he ended up calling you too much clingy. And you ended up crying. You sit up slightly as you hear the jigglings of the keys, finally he had came back. You step out of your bed to see him. Satoru doesn't even tries to glance at you knowing you were standing behind him

"why didn't you come home early like you said" slips you lips,even though you didn't wanted to sound rude. Satoru just lets out an annoyed sigh as always.

"was busy with work,we can have a movie night later.." satoru said before leaving for bathroom to fresh himself up. You again walk off the the bedroom, laying down on it. Satoru comes to bed alot later than you,as satoru lays down you fight the urge to wrap your arms around him. His back facing you, missing how satoru used to hold you against his chest. You wait a few minutes, waiting for him to relax fully so you could wrap your arms around him. Finally when the moment comes,you gently wrap your around him torso just to-

"y/n." You freeze up, fearing he would push you away again.

"w-what is it" you mumble

"i am not in the mood"

"but i was just want to cuddle satoru.." you traill off, slowly pulling yourself away.

"just stop being clingy for a moment..please." satoru grumbles, before moving further away from you. Satoru noticed how hard your trying to continue your relationship with him. How your lips stays on his cheeks more longer than before. Everyday making dinner for him even though he doesn't comes home. Trying to takr extra care of him but all he does is pushing you away. Satoru feels the guilty covering him up again but- satoru cant help but love and miss his ex so much more than you...oh.

You don't say anything, just lay down. Trying your best to keep your teaes to yourself that are already peaking in the corner of your eyes. Satoru still hasn't moved on yet got in a relationship with you,its your fault for still continuing this barely alive relationship. But you cant help but be selfish. trying your best to make him forget about his ex by giving him all the love you have for him. You felt so so much stupid but you loved him so much more than you loved yourself. He was your everything. You silently cry yourself to sleep again, waking up to a empty bed. You take your phone to check all the texts finally, opening the shokos contact. Oh,you feel like your heart stops beating. Why is there a photo of satoru with a familiar girl? What is that. Not even reading her texts you hit the call button to talk with shoko. Did satoru really met his ex? No that's not true,it shouldn't be true.

"y/n" shoko say behind your phone, already knowing you will say.

"w-whos that girl with satoru w-why does s-she looks like his e-ex-" you speak with the tremblings on your lips, already trying to stop the tears.

"y/n try to relax a little bit,i know it doesn't feels real but it is. I caught him talking with her. And it's the best for me to tell you. I am sorry what that asshole has did to you. Its the best if you two break up,you don't deserve him y/n. This relationship isn't healthy for you" shoko sighed,she couldn't help tell you all these things and as much details as she could. After all the talking and crying you finally hung up. cheeks stained with tears as your breath was stil Hitching. Maybe your the other woman here. The other woman who didn't get the love she wanted. You feel like crying again. You try your best to keep your pieces together as you finally left for work. The night you came home alone as always. No satoru to greet you warmly. You slip down on your bed,not even bothering to remove your clothes. Satoru is the only hope for you but tonight you will ask him. If he loves you more or her. Everything inside you feels hollow. The sheets had his scent but it only increased the pain in your heart.

-

"satoru.." you finally spoke after he got in the bed,satoru looked at your. His blue irises missing the loving gaze. you take a deep breath.

"we have to talk" you said, avoiding eye contact with him

"what do you wanna talk about now, don't tell me why did i came home late tonight even though you know the reason" satoru mutters, your miserable. Satoru is the reason yet seeing the tired expressions and dark circles,his sadness underneath it makes your heart clench. You know no Matt what you'll never be able to hate this man. The man that never loved you like you wanted to.

"why do you always push me away? Is it her?" You blurt out. "Do you still love her?"

Satoru freezes,why are you asking him this? Yiu should know it. Know it and left him already,you don't deserve a man like him. You deserve better. His mouth opens to say something but it closes again.

"answer me satoru. Please.." you look at him with the pleading eyes of yours,you want to know it. You don't know when this talk turned into a argument,him yelling at you while you yell at him,tears streaming down your face when finally admits the truth you never wanted to exist.

"yes i do love her. I love her more than you" satoru grumbles, feeling guilt and anger at the same time, how the hurt was painted on your face, how the fat tears were running down your face. he walks away from the room, planning on sleeping on the couch. All you could do was cry more,you knew he loved her more than you. Or Maybe he had never tried to love you. You were something he used to forget about his ex. So why did it hurted this much hearing it from his mouth. Your sobs were loud,satoru could hear it. All he could do was ignore. And you crying yourself to to your most painful sleep. You and satoru broke things off but your love for him never disappeared. You felt like a dead body who's heart was still beating. At work you'd see him, looking so happy with his students. But you were never able to make him this much happy, you thought. Today you had a mission to complete. A special grade, knowing that you were far from it. Oh how your heart had ached so badly when you saw him in a cafe with her. You don't know why did you agreed to this but you did. You couldn't get what was going on in your life. Everything felt meaningless without him,he was your sun and you were the moon. The moon who nedded the sun but the sun was focused on the earth. Actually its her. And no one. So when the curse's arm pierced through your chest you didn't fought back,tiu didn't had the energy to continue anything anymore. Being dead would be more peaceful than living a life so painful like this. Maybe in another life,you would be satoru's earth.

Satoru looks at your dead body laying in shoko's morgue,he told himself he doesn't loves you but seeing you here laying lifeless, knowing that you were there for him no matter what. You loved him no matter what. His heart ached. He still remembers how you you cried when satoru told you he still loves his her,her who's getting married to someone next year. His hand gently holds yours, caressing you cold knuckles. The white clothe around you had almost soaked in your blood.

"maybe in another life I'll be able to love you,y/n."

Okayyy i tried my best:((( thanks again for the request nonnie!! And English isn't my first language sorry if i did any mistakes:)

[liiixsturniolos]

☆ " I bet on losing dogs. " ☆

matt sturniolo x reader

warnings: angst, you and Matt break up.

summary; Matt and you were doomed from the start, and you come to realise that's why you picked him...

Listen while you read! 👇

You and Matt are sitting in his van. He'd asked to go on a drive. You both often did this, especially at night. It helped you clear your head, and you loved the sound of the rain pelting against the car windows.

"So.." Matt starts to talk and pulls into a carpark.

A wave of anxiety flutters through your body. You knew what was coming, the arguments, the petty comments, you were constantly irrated by each other.

"So?" You ask him, your voice trembling, hands shaking.

"I- I don't know how to tell you this." He mumbles quietly, trying to put off what he wants to say.

"It's okay. I know what's happening." You tell him, already forgiving him before it had even started.

"Oh. I- well.. we have just argued so much lately. It's not like how it used to be." He says, his voice breaking, as if he were going to cry. But he didn't.

You did, though.

You broke down into tears. You knew this was going to happen. You blamed yourself for how stupid you were, believing this could've ever lasted forever.

You cursed yourself for believing when he'd told you he loved you and wanted to marry you one day.

You shuffled around in the cold leather seat of Matts van, wiping your flooding tears spilling from your eyes.

Matt looks at you, watching you wipe your tears, the pout displayed on your face and his eyes start to burn and water, he feels terrible, shuddering next to you but he doesn't know what to do.

"I'm sorry." He insists.

"It's okay, I agree, we aren't the same together as we used to be, this will be good for us both." You say, lying.

You wanted to grab him by the shoulders and convince him to stay, beg him to work things out, but you knew he'd made a final decision.

He drives you home. His eyes shifted constantly from your face to the road, unsure how to feel or what to look at.

His eyes water, and his vision is hazy as he drives slowly, turning into your street, wishing the drive could be a little longer, so he'd stay with you for a few more minutes.

"Bye, Matt." You mumble, getting out of his car.

He pauses, and it takes a while for him to respond. He stares at you for a few seconds, as if he's re-thinking things, then blurts out. "Bye..."

You turn away, walking up your driveway to your door, hoping he's not looking at you as you start to sob uncontrollably.

But Matts is watching you, longing for you, regretting things.

A few cold tears roll down his face as he pulls the car out of your driveway, watching you open your door, knowing this may be the last time he'll drop you off in this car, maybe even the last time he'll talk to you.

What if 'bye' would be the end of it all? The last thing he said to you?

Memories played over in his head as he drove, the kisses, the jokes, everything was swirling around his mind, every good memory but none of the bad ones.

heyy prettyyy!! Sorry if this was a little sad. lmfao! But reminder to interact with this post if you like it, comments, reblogs, likes are all greatly appreciated!! I love reading comments!!

taglist: @matthewsroses @chrislilcumslvt @pvssychicken @1-d0nt-w4nn4-b3-m3-4nym0r3 @ivysturnss @mattsbitchh

[widow-tarot]

PAC: Why Are They So Hot&Cold?

Do you want to support me? Reblog or tip me! - paypal.me/sadwidow

Groups: 1-2-3 4-5-6

Instruction: Think about your person while choosing a group. Do not use more than 1 group for one person. This is only for entertainment purposes.

If you don’t feel drawn to any group, this reading is not for you.

(Want to book a private reading? DM me or check the pinned post!)

Decks Used: The Mystic Dreamer Tarot, Island Time Wellness Love Oracle Cards.

PILE ONE

Cards: 3 of Cups, Judgement, 9 of Swords, 10 of Cups, Boat (Progression, Moving On, Closure Issues), The Runner rx (fear of intimacy, listening to ego), Not Today rx (not dealing, hurt, avoiding a conversation/person, boundaries).

There are too many people around to see how they behave around you. No matter if you're asking about a crush or a potential friend, they care a lot about what other people think, at least in your immediate surroundings (work/school). They don't want to be judged or they don't want their actions misunderstood by other people, maybe even you too but it connects to other people more. They're happy with how things are or at least they're... at peace with how things are. It's not like the connection between you guys is bad, it's just... like it's being kept at a distance. If you delve deeper, the connection might break and sour the work/school environment so they also are trying to avoid that. However, I do feel like they're working on fixing/changing that part of themselves. Can't promise anything will be different, it really depends on the person you're asking about. They're very much trapped in their own mind and perceptions. Very much blockage in the heart/throat chakra.

SONGS:

Door by Mitski (There is a door to me; I've never seen it; Sometimes I get closer to it; But I've never found it; A hopeless violence; I named it love)

my future by Billie Eilish (Can't you hear me?; I'm not comin' home; Do you understand?; I've changed my plans; But I know better; Than to drive you home; 'Cause you'd invite me in; And I'd be yours again)

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas by Phoebe Bridgers (Someday soon we all will be together; If the fates allow; Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow)

Unfinished by Noah Cyrus (Now I've got you on my mind; And I'm wonderin' tonight; If we could've been more; But we were left unfinished; I flew back to the life I knew; Left you asleep there in the hotel room; I told myself that it was for the best)

TAKE THIS HOME by DE'WAYNE, Good Charlotte (Take this crown away from me; I hold myself with no esteem; There's no joy in victory; All my heart feels is defeat)

first day of my life by gnash, Goody Grace (And so I thought I'd let you know; That these things take forever; I especially am slow; But I realize that I need you; And I wondered if I could come home)

PILE TWO

Cards: The Tower, The Chariot rx, High Priestess rx, 10 of Pentacles, The Phoenix (new phase, rekindle, growth), Love Call rx (message of love), The Runner rx (fear of intimacy, listening to ego).

At the moment I think they are going through something in their life or some major chaotic change is coming for them, hence The Tower. Honestly seems like they're in their own world, I think the hot and cold is not even on purpose, they don't even see it and if they do, they don't think it's a big deal or that it affects you. You're not at the center of their focus atm and maybe you're also a painful reminder of something as well (very specific for a selected few). They think very highly of you though. If you want them to approach you and explain their behavior, then you're gonna be gravely disappointed. They don't think they're doing something wrong or anything to hurt you so why would they feel the need to explain themselves? But they are changing, that's for sure.

SONGS:

There's Nothing Left For You by Mitski (There's nothin' left for you; Nothin' in this room; Try and go outside Nothin' waits for you; You had it once before; Not anymore; So go on to that sweetheart's door; And find a new you)

LUNCH by Billie Eilish (I could eat that girl for lunch; Yeah, she dances on my tongue; Tastes like she might be the one; And I could never get enough; I could buy her so much stuff; It's a craving, not a crush)

Christmas Song by Phoebe Bridgers (The desire for annihilation; Is as common as it is unkind; And it's hard to recognize the situation; When you're desperately trying to have a good time; You don't have to be alone to be lonesome; It's so easy to forget; The sadness comes crashing like a brick through the window)

Ready To Go by Noah Cyrus (I've lost all the words; Feels like my heart's been tied up; I wait 'til it hurts; I never can choose; I stay, we'll burn; 'Til you leave first)

Bleed Magic by I DONT KNOW BUT THEY FOUND ME (Don't want to scare you off'; Don't want to know your name; You'll never know a single thing about me; Until it's far too late)

SICK by gnash, CXLOE (Why you being so nice to me; I don't like the niceties; I wish I could make you see what I really need; I want you to make me sick; Love me out my mind)

PILE THREE

Cards: Queen of Cups, Wheel of Fortune rx, The World, 9 of Cups, The Grim Reaper (relationship is over, no second chances, grow and transform), Clock rx (need time, takes time, cycles), The Butterfly rx (relationship evolving, growth)

It's weird. It's like they enjoy spending time with you but at the same time, they know they have to cut it to a minimum because you either aren't good for them or they're trying to... leave? It's like smiling at you when you talk, having those fun convos about various topics, and laughing together but then the reality hits them and they withdraw. They think of you fondly though, but it's like they can't let themselves be swept into whatever this is with you so when the moment passes, they distance themselves again. But then, they have a good day again, they're positive again and they're starting the same thing with you. It's like they want to stay but they can't. You either aren't good for them or you can't be one that's good for them (someone else is already good for them). I assume you're asking when this person went cold again - this period will last a longer time for sure, but they have so much fondness for you at the same time.

SONGS:

Class of 2013 by Mitski (Mom, I'm tired; Can I sleep in your house tonight?; Mom, is it alright; If I stay for a year or two?)

Happier Than Ever by Billie Eilish (When I'm away from you, I'm happier than ever; Wish I could explain it better; I wish it wasn't true; Don't say it isn't fair; You clearly weren't aware that you made me miserable)

Georgia by Phoebe Bridgers (Georgia, I love your son; And when he gets older, he might be the one; And he never lies or picks up his phone; And sometimes in the pouring rain; He'll fall in the mud and get back up again)

Again by Noah Cyrus, XXXTENTACION (You just made the worst mistake; And you'll regret it, darling; 'Cause once you give and then you take; You'll only end up wanting; You don't know what you got 'til it's gone, my dear; So tell me that you love me again)

WHAT LOVE? by I DONT KNOW HOW THEY FOUND ME (What love would get this vicious?; That's right, but never mind; This blood sometimes, holiness brings you; I think you've got a hold of me; But don't let go and I'll never set you free; You only come around when I got somebody new; You only sacrifice the things I never ask you to)

pajamas by gnash (Let's be immature and ignorant; 'Cause I don't feel like being sad; I wonder if the last generation was better; I wonder if the next one's going to hell; Am I the solution, am I the problem?; Let's stay in our pajamas; Let's not leave the house; It's been real bad lately; But I feel pretty good right now)

PILE FOUR

Cards: 4 of Pentacles rx, Knight of Swords, 4 of Cups rx, The Chariot rx, Heartbroken rx (deeply hurt, sad, feeling lost, breakup), Twin Flames (zen, balance, union, complementing each other), Healthy Choices rx (self-love, making good choices, being happier).

They know they're attached to you. It's an unhealthy mechanism they have, or maybe attaching themselves to you doesn't seem healthy. They're trying to distance themselves from you while not completely cutting you off because they can't. It's not that you are the problem here, but in their eyes, this type of dependency will ruin them, so they're trying to control it somehow. They want you in their life; they just need to digest the situation and make a plan. They're pretty stagnant right now, unable to find a way on how to move with this connection or change their codependency. For now, they're improvising.

SONGS:

Old Friend by Mitski (We nearly drowned for such a silly thing; Someone who loves me now better than you; I haven't told anyone, just like we promised; Have you?)

Lo Vas A Olvidar by Billie Eilish, ROSALIA (Tell me if you still miss me; Tell me if you still won't forgive me; Tell me if we still have something in common; Love can't be measured steadily; One day I'm a Goddess and the next day I can break)

Garden Song by Phoebe Bridgers (And when I grow up, I'm gonna look up; From my phone and see my life; I don't know how, but I'm taller; It must be something in the water; Everything's growing in our garden; You don't have to know that it's haunted)

Snow in LA by Noah Cyrus, PJ Harding (It's Christmas in California; Where the redwoods been burning for days; While the gold embers glow; The church bells are ringing on Sunset; But the preachers got nothing to say; If it turns out we all; Just weren't worth dying for)

Leave Me Alone by I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME (You took the money; But the money couldn't buy a friend; Go fly a kite until you're tangled in the hanging tree; Aristocrat, tip your hat and break your mother's heart; And when the sun comes up; You'll find a brand new god)

I Wanna Feel Good by gnash, Chris James (I swear I try, I do the best that I can; To keep together when I know that I can't now; I've had it up to here with self-doubt and these second thoughts; I'm tired of pretending to be someone that I'm not)

O Little Town of Betlehem by Lily Williams (How still we see thee lie; Above thy deep and dreamless sleep; While mortals sleep, the angels keep; Their watch of wondering love)

PILE FIVE

Cards: Wheel of Fortune, Knight of Wands, Ace of Pentacles, 7 of Pentacles rx, Ace of Swords, Lightning (sudden change, surprise, epiphany), Passion (insane chemistry, having fun), Coffin (Endings bring new beginnings, growth, liberation), Ascending rx (transcending obstacles, expansion, new phase).

Short answer: because they're happy. It seems like everything is going alright at the moment, so they don't need you anymore. It's selfish and very opportunistic but at the same time they haven't decided yet what to do with this connection. Do you need this connection? Is it a connection worthy of your attention and effort? It seems like you're the only one keeping it alive. I don't want to say that they're a shallow person but it seems like they're very opportunistic, using good people and then leaving them behind. You had good foundations for this connection to grow but they don't really care about growing something with you.

SONGS:

Thursday Girl by Mitski (Somebody please tell me no; It shows me what I am; I'm not happy or sad, just up or down; And always bad)

my future by Billie Eilish (Can't you hear me?; I'm not comin' home; Do you understand?; But I know better than to drive you home; 'Cause you'd invite me in; And I'd be yours again;  I'm in love with my future; And you don't know her)

Walking On a String by Phoebe Bridgers, Matt Berninger (The things you said are hanging in the middle of my mind tonight; I knew that I was dead before you touched my lonesome skin; You're never running out of ways to warm your way back in)

Oh What a Dream We Had by Michal David, Richard Marx, Billion Streams For Charity, Braison Cyrus, Lauri Ylönen, Marcelito Pomoy, Kimbra, Billy Ray Cyrus, Noah Cyrus (We held each other closer and dreamed the worst was over; a never-ending prayer to let every life be sweet; no heartache anywhere; a time for us to heal)

Mad IQs by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME (Come inside; Twist the knife; Like it's something to do; Don't you lose all your control; 'Cause you can't get into heaven; If you haven't got a soul; If you're sick or you're obscene; You can bend or you can break; But they'll replace you with machines)

feelings fade by gnash, RKCB (Don't know if I'll be fine without you; I hope I'll be alright without you; Everything's ending eventually; Best friends can become your enemies; Feelings fade when people change; I stayed the same; You played your games)

PILE SIX

Cards: 3 of Pentacles, Wheel of Fortune, King of Cups rx, Ace of Pentacles, The Phoenix (new phase, rekindle, change), Separation rx (sadness, missing you, unsure of future), Wedding Rings rx (union, wedding, eternal love).

You're still an important part of their life, but they want to move on to different stuff. They're not abandoning you, but they need to live their life too; you can't be there with them all the time. I don't know if there's any codependency or if you're really attached to this person, but I'm here to assure you that you're not being abandoned. I also think they start to feel trapped around you, like they're drowning. Give them some space. Let yourself enjoy your own presence or meet other people.

SONGS:

Cop Car by Mitski (We thought we had all night; There was no need to rush; That's when those cops came pulling up; I was too busy watching you going wild child; To be worried about going to jail; And you were so innocent, but you were stealing my heart; I fell in love in the back of a cop car)

when the party's over by Billie Eilish (Don't you know I'm no good for you?; I've learned to lose you, can't afford to; Tore my shirt to stop you bleedin'; But nothin' ever stops you leavin')

Killer by Phoebe Bridgers (Sometimes I think I'm a killer; I scared you in your house; I even scared myself by talking; Can the killer in me tame the fire in you?; Oh, is there nothing left to do for us?)

For Once In My Life by Noah Cyrus (I can go where life leads me; Somewhere I know I'll be strong; For once in my life; I won't let sorrow hurt me; This is mine, you can't take it; As long as I know I have love, I can make it)

Need You Here by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME (There is no other place in this world that I'd rather be; If I can't be at home then I'll send my apologies; Can't you stay right here forever pretty please?; Where do you go when you're not home?)

leave by gnash (It's all my fault if it makes things better; Blame it all on the change in the weather; I'm not saying I know how to save this; I'm just saying we've been here before; I lost my patience, made an ultimatum; Wrote it down and gave it on a piece of paper)

[make-much-of-time]

The Dead Poets and the Pop Girlies!

(Well, not quite, it's more my headcanons for the decently mainstream female musicians the Poets would enjoy in a modern au but it's not as fun, so.)

Neil - Chapell Roan

Ok aside from pink pony club being his anthem, I think he would really just enjoy the theatrics of her performances even if he doesn't quite relate to the songs themselves. Also, he would have soooo much respect for her when she tells off rude photographers and just unapologetically fights for what she believes in - I think it would he almost cathartic for him. I feel like she's someone he would want to be like when he becomes a famous actor, as well.

Todd - Mitski

Is anyone surprised by my pick for him ahahaha. While she isn't exactly a pop girlie, Mitski is decently mainstream I think. Anyway, I think he would loooove her ly rics and has cried to her music more than once. I feel like he would print out her lyrics and analyze it like poetry (because it is). I think he would really just feel seen by her music, that's all.

Charlie - Sabrina Carpenter

Do I really need to explain this one? He sings Juno like he feels it in his soul. He would just get her music, ykwim. Idk what else to say it just makes sense in my head. My short king and my short queen <3

Cameron - Olivia Rodrigo

Ballad of a Homeschooled Girl is his song lowkey. I actually didn't realise the thing with the Sabrina-Olivia beef when I thought of Olivia for him but wow it really works huh. I don't really have much of an explanation for this one either other than "it just makes sense!!"

Knox - Taylor Swift

Again, I feel like this surprises no one. He's the biggest Swiftie out of them all. I wish enough about Taylor to talk about specific eras but I really don't know that much but like yall get it, right?

Meeks - Charli xcx

I feel like Meeks would listen to Charli religiously even if he isn't much of a club go-er sort of guy, yk? But he would still listen to all the club music and edm and hyper-pop and such. It makes sense to me okay pls 😭😭

Pitts - Lana Del Rey

He just thinks she's so neat. Obsessed with the music and her voice even though he doesn't relate to most of her lyrics even a little bit. He would get so offended when people dont take him seriously as a fan. Loves quoting her lyrics out of context ("just say you want to fuck that old man, Pittsie" "Don't you know, "I've got sweet taste for men who are older"")

[i-am-a-l0st-gh0st]

I don't remember if I asked this one but, readers lover finds out that the reader made a playlist, specifically for them, and were listening to it right now to fall asleep

If I could write you a song, to make you fall in love- Xiao x gn!reader

I would already have you right under my arm

Warnings- Anxiety, storms, thunder, fluff, established relationship

Summary- You made a playlist for xiao a few months ago when you started dating. He had no clue about it, until he arrived home late to find you asleep on the couch.

Xiao didn't usually get home late, not without telling you anyway. The rain was pelting down outside, and winds blew as if the wind archon himself was causing them. Xiao hasn't returned home yet, and your thoughts instantly turned dark. Sure, he was grown and could handle himself, but his karmic debt was growing, what if-

You quickly shut down your thought before they got the best of you. I'm sure he's fine… just. Out. Maybe. You pulled out your phone and sent him a quick text to check on his state. The message had sent it, but he hasn't seen it yet. On your phone, you began to look for the music app and find the playlist you'd made for your lover.

It was songs that reminded you of him, songs that you'd sung together, songs that you'd cried together. It was your playlist. Xiao didn't know this play existed. It was just a sweet little keepsake you thought was cute.

As you walked around the house looking for some headphones, a loud crack of thunder startled you and sent the electricity off.

“Shit!"

As soon as you found the headphones, you went back to your safe haven on the couch. With the headphones connected to your device, you pressed the play button.

*Now playing*

*Always forever - Cults*

Xiao pov

He couldn't get home quick enough. He knew you must be worried sick about him. I mean, he'd told you he'd be home 30 minutes ago! His phone was dead, and the rain was pouring down too heavy to walk. For a whole, he had to stand in the much needed cover of the Wangshu inn. As he paced around the room, another customer approached him, sensing his trouble.

“Is something troubling you?” The older lady asked with a certain kindness in her voice.

“No I'm fine.”

“Young man, you've ben pacing for 10 minutes, you're worried.”

“I promise you I am not.”

“Whatever you say, young one.”

When the storm started to die down, the first thing xiao did was run out in the settling run. He had to get home as quickly as he could. He couldn't leave you to be home alone.

As he pressed on through the rain, it started to get heavier once again, betting down on every part of xiao that it could reach.

The front door swung open, presenting a soaked xiao, who was now dripping a puddle on the doorway. “Qingxin? Are you here.”

A small pit of fear started in his stomach. What if you had run out looking for him? But he couldn't jump to convulsions he hadn't even looked through the entire house yet!

As he turned the corner into the living room, you lay with your head resting on the sun of the couch. Curled into a pillow that looked like it'd rather be anywhere else.

Xiao did notice the ear bud in your ear and the faint sound of a song playing through them. Your phone screen was left on, so he took the chance to look at the song. Nothing else because he trusted you.

*Now playing*

*My love, mine all mine- Mitski*

The playlist name was just a blue and black heart emoji. Was the playlist about him? Were the songs you were listening ones about him? It was comforting to know that you loved him enough to dedicate an entire playlist to him.

“I'm home, my love , I hope you sleep well.” He spoke as his pressed his lips gently against your forehead. Even if you were fast asleep, you swore you felt it in your dream.

[tiramissyoucake]

Trying my hand at angst, I don't like this but here you go fjsjfdj

Gojo misses reader and is a mitski fan here, sfw, 1.6k words

Satoru knew he was clingy, he knows he can be overbearing with you at times and you've constantly reassured him that it's one of the many qualities you like about him; you even called it cute and compared him to a lost kitten. However, the longer you're gone, the more stressed he gets, thoughts of worry plague his head if they go unanswered for too long—how you are doing? Is everything going smoothly? Did you eat a full proper meal? Are you sleeping well? He never had to worry for long because he would get an answer the next time he sees you, which would usually be the next few hours or the next day.

When you told him about a trip you had to take out of town to visit family and stay with them for a while, he only smiled and helped you pack as anxiety rattled in his chest— as if trying to bring your attention to it. he chooses to remain silent about his worries even after you tell him you'll be gone for over a week, even if every bone in his body is telling him to trap you in his arms and beg you to stay.

Clingliness be damned, he loved you too much to remain separated from you for over a week, let alone a day.

Dread crept at the back of his mind as you explained your trip, why you were going and when will you leave and return, the entire time Satoru tried to listen his mind would wander and begin to memorise your features as you spoke— the shape of your lips, the crinkle in your eyelids, the structure of your nose, god, did he tell you look beautiful? He couldn't recall if he did today.

".. so don't expect fast replies, okay?"

The dumbfounded expression quickly took over Satoru's features as he sat up, he remembered he mentioned he would call or text you if he gets lonely but after that his brain tuned out his surroundings as if preparing itself for a week of loneliness.

".. repeat that for me, Baby? Please?"

"I said the service is pretty bad at my grandparent's place, so don't expect fast replies."

Ah. He was in hell. He had to watch and help you pack, pretend as if this didn't bother him so you wouldn't cancel for his sake, he even saw you off and kept his goodbye short; a simple kiss, hug and a promise for you to stay safe and call him if anything happens. He would have been proud of himself had he not known how lonely the house would be without you.

For the first three days, the phrase "its just under two weeks" became a mantra Satoru would mutter to himself— from the moment he opens his eyes in the morning feeling the empty space next to him, the phrase is echoed in his head. He made the mistake of preparing two cups of coffee in the beginning forgetting you were off with family, that simple mistake triggers a domino effect; it causes him to remember to contact you, he checks his phone and finds messages sent from you in the wrong order, courtesy of terrible service.

Leaving the house did nothing to alleviate the anxieties floating in his mind about you, whenever he passes by a cafe he has to purchase your favorite item off the menu, this time he had to stop himself and double back from the door remembering the meal would rot away in the fridge before your return. Spotting anything remotely related to your interests activates a knee-jerk reaction where he turns to gesture and mention it to you, looking for the spark that would light up your features in excitement— but alas, you were not here.

The days were longer, the nights were colder, Satoru's love blooms whenever he's near you, and yet now that he's alone, his heart is heavy; an overgrown garden.

The week was over. It was finally over, and yet the torture continued. You specifically told him you'd be gone for over a week— he once again repeats to himself "just under two weeks.." Satoru feels tired, and he doesn't know why. Through his meals and activities throughout the days, he would usually share them with you. He wonders if you felt the same exhaustion.

Just as his eyelids began to weigh down from the exhaustion, his phone released melodious chimes. Satoru grunted in annoyance and sat up in the cold bed, tempted to crush the phone in his hand— was he not even allowed to dream of you?

'LOML💘 Calling...'

His heart soared to his throat, everything he wanted to say to you, threatening to spill out before he even tapped the green button. He hurriedly answered and brought the phone up to his ear.

"Hello? Satoru?"

"... Baby? Can you hear me?" He immediately wanted to make sure of the call's quality. He won't be swindled by fate.

"Oh, thank god- I've been trying to get a hold of you all week! How are you? Is everything okay? I'm so sorry I couldn't contact you." He could hear chatter in the back. "I'm with my cousin. We drove out to this convenience store, and the service is pretty good!— I mean, yeah, it's a little far, but..." You took a breath, speaking too quickly for your lungs to handle."I'm so happy I get to hear your voice, Satoru..!"

everything he wanted to say, you were saying it for him, Satoru knows he's clingy but when you return his clingliness it makes him believe that he was made for you— that he was truly loved by you.

Suddenly, the stress he felt from worrying about you, the overbearing silence of loneliness, your affections pouring to him through the phone, all of these factors shattered him; a sob choked him.

".. yeah - me too..!" Satoru hiccuped as he tried to wipe away forming tears. He can't be upset now. He has to be tough for you.

You didn't miss the sniffle that followed, setting your soda down in the cup holder of the car. You sat up briefly. "Honey? What's wrong?" Your cousin silently signalled they'll return into the store, not wanting to overhear a lover's quarrel. "Did something happen?"

Satoru shook his head, forgetting you couldn't see him. He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. "No - no, I'm fine.. I'm just really happy to hear from you."

Silence filled the call, a moment ago he was preparing himself to yell at you, cry to you, beg you to come home— now he didn't know what to do with himself as he had everything he wanted listening to him on the other end.

"... Hon? I'm really sorry." He hated how you knew just what to say when he began to crack. "I love you, I promise I'll be home soon, okay?"

You love him. You love him. He felt guily; he finally had a chance to speak with you, and he cried and made you feel like the bad guy, made you apologize for wanting to spend quality time with family, does he even deserve you at this point?

"... okay." Is all he can muster, Satoru always sounds so full of life— but now he just sounds defeated, as if faced with a foe that he couldn't damage or evade whatsoever. It broke your heart.

Satoru traced shapes into the covers that he practically kicked off him when he saw your nickname flash on his phone screen, he began. "Baby?"

"Hm? Yeah?"

".. when you get home, I'm gonna be more selfish with you." His tone was serious. He couldn't help but smile when he heard you laugh. "You're already selfish with me!"

"Hey, I've been very emotionally vulnerable recently, okay?" Satoru felt like the usual dynamic of your conversations is slowly seeping back. It felt right, like finding something he thought he misplaced.

"I'm not complaining, hon. I actually love it." He heard you shuffle a bit. "I think you deserve to be a little selfish. You've been so good for me lately, haven't you?"

Of course, he should've expected this from you; you're his smart girl. Of course you would notice how strained he seemed before you went on your trip.

"I thought I hid it pretty well.."

"Satoru."

".. what?" He grew wary of your unimpressed tone. He didn't slip up, did he?

"You were listening to Mitski all week." Ah, your shared music subscription gave him away.

"She perfectly puts my emotions into words, okay? So sue me!"

"I know, hon! But you were listening to First Love / Late Spring. What was I supposed to think?"

The conversation continues, from Lyricism to current routines to favourite cafe desserts. For the first time in a week, Satoru felt safe and comfortable enough to sleep.

Your conversation lulled him to a sleepy state, he could hear you shuffle and move about, he could hear the car start, your family commenting on your dynamic with him, even if the sound was minimised as the phone speaker was only moderately audible, as long as he could hear your voice then he was happy.

"So, either Wednesday or Tuesday..?" Satoru asked groggily after you explained your situation.

"Yeah - I'm hoping Tuesday, but we don't know yet, I'll drive back to the convenience store and tell you once I know." It sounded like a joke, but he knows you would do it.

"Baby- no, I can wait, I swear—"

"Can you, though?" He could hear the smile in your voice, Satoru let out a breathless laugh.

"... nah, I don't think I can."

[daydreaming-in-letters]

I don’t have a picture specifically but it is my birthday today! Can you write something with Andrew surprising you when you thought he’d be on tour somewhere else and wouldn’t be able to make it for your birthday? Can start out fluffy but then turn into smut please :)

Well, let me present you with a picture then... (He is on his way.)

Happy Belated Birthday, love. (It seems we share that special day. 😉) I hope you don't mind I kept it fluffy this time. I'm having a mild fever and I couldn't handle more heat than I am already battling with.

warnings: language; a little heartache

 Only fifteen minutes left. Thank god, you thought. You could not wait for this day to be over.

It was your birthday today. And you loved your birthday. But birthdays without Andrew sucked. It did not even feel like a real birthday, much less like a day you wanted to celebrate. And so you had not. 

You had told your friends and family that you would be busy at work all day and that after that, you definitely would not be in the mood for company. And astonishingly, they had all accepted your excuse and taken to calling or texting you instead of coming round to congratulate you in person. 

All the better, you thought, as you prepared to go to bed. Disposing of your empty glass in the sink, you walked over to the open window. The world outside lay in complete silence, slowed by the darkness of night that had settled a while ago. It was time to let go of the day and rest. 

But how could you let go? How could you find peace when a part of you was missing, leaving a void in your chest that seemed to grow bigger with every passing second, like a black hole that swallowed all the goodness you should have felt on a day like this?

You sighed. This was unfair. You knew it was. It was unfair to you as much as it was unfair to him. If there would even be the slightest chance, the tiniest possibility, he would be here with you right now, no doubt. And still you felt like crying.

He had called you, first thing in the morning and you had talked for a long while. He had reserved some extra time for you, more than he usually could, and still you missed him. So much. More than you had ever thought it possible to miss someone. In some moments, the worst of them, when you just could not hold up your walls anymore, it hurt. It hurt to a point that you needed to lie down and roll up into a bundle of misery, and all you could do was just stay like that until the pain had faded. 

Afterwards you always felt a little stupid for being so whiny. He would be back with you soon enough, no time to act like a clingy puppy. But most importantly, he could never know. It would break his heart. And one broken heart was bad enough already. 

You jolted as your ears picked up the harsh buzzing of your phone on the living room table. Probably another message of birthday wishes, you assumed, as you walked over to pick it up. But as soon as you read the name on the screen your heart jumped a little. It was his goodnight text. He sent you one every night. 

Told the moon to hold all my love. So don’t be surprised if it shines a little brighter tonight. Just for you.

Well, someone had clearly been listening to an awful lot of Mitski lately, you thought, and chuckled to yourself. But only one glance outside was enough to make your heart drop, opening the vaults, and letting your eyes spill over. The moon was nowhere to be seen. 

If only he were—

But you did not get to end that thought as the clock made you jump again, telling you it was midnight. Your birthday finally over. 

The wave of relief that washed over you made you sigh through the tears. Time to go to bed at last. With two harsh strokes of the back of your hand, the visible remains of your heartache were gone and you were just about to switch off the lights, when an unexpected noise startled you for the third time tonight. 

Had that been a knock on your door? At this time? It could not be. You had probably misheard. Still you chose to stay for a moment and wait, and it did not take long before it came again. Loud and clear this time. 

This was impossible. Insufferable. Had you not been absolutely clear about not wanting any company today? Well, obviously not. But you would correct that mistake right away.

“I told you I didn’t want to see anyone. Go away!”

But instead of some well-earned silence, there was another knock. 

“For fuck’s sake, can’t you just leave me alone?”

Obviously they could not. Just as they most likely could not read the atmosphere to understand when it was time to leave. And when they even showed the audacity to knock yet again, you felt like you had no other choice. With a huff of pure rage you stomped over to the door, let your hand smash down on the knob and yanked it open. May god have mercy on the poor soul that was waiting outside.

There had been so many words on your mind, all the curses and swearwords your vocabulary had to offer, but as soon as your eyes landed upon the intruder that stood in your doorway, you could not remember even the simplest one of them all. 

“I just wanted to make sure the moon is shining perfectly for you."

This was not real. It could not be. You had probably fallen asleep and your desperate mind had chosen to give you exactly what you needed, what you had been craving ever since he had left through that exact same door, looking back at you from a pair of watery green eyes. But it seemed you were not granted this little treat for long as tears began to blur your vision once again. 

“The moon is not even shining tonight,” you managed to pipe up, your voice breaking halfway through your statement, making it sound awfully shrill.

“So, it’s a good thing I came then. Because how else would you have know how much I love you?”

A loud, clattering noise echoed through the night as his bag fell to the ground. It had taken him less than a heartbeat to decide whether to hold on to it or hold you instead, and as his arms closed around you now, the familiar warmth of his body pressed against yours, back where he belonged, for the first time in months your heart seemed to remember its natural rhythm again. 

“Sorry I’m late, baby.”

You hugged him a little tighter, basking in the way his breath slowly crept along your neck as he spoke, the way even one word from his mouth was enough to silence the white noise in your brain and let you breathe again.

“It would be so out of character if you weren’t.”

You chuckled, and so did he. 

“Happy Birthday, my love.”

[xhunnybeeex]

Hayden christensen character music/playlist headcanons 

playlists at the bottom of sections :3

❥ ~ Sam Monroe ~ 

Sam Monroe ~ mainly listens to mall goth/ metal, that's just cannon. However, he DEFINITELY got really into other goth subgenres while finding cds. 

Sam Monroe ~ would have to be forced to admit he loves riot girl movies. 

“Is this bikini kill in your mixtape?” you ask Sam as you dig through his cds. “I didn't know you were into riot girl music.” “I'm not,” he grumbles. 

Sam Monroe ~ loves angry midwest emo music. He loves the emo whine. 

Sam Monroe ~ doesn’t have a very diverse taste. He only really likes alt genres, but every once in a while you'll see him nod his head to pop songs on the radio. 

"this is clearly a differnt genre what are you talking about" sam protest. "Theyre all just screaming how is that different!" you yell back.

Sam Monroe ~ is the type to say “name three songs”, but only in front of other alt people to look cool. 

Sam Monroe ~ loves the goth culture but doesn't know how to become part of it, especially without getting bullied. 

Sam Monroe ~  loves making mixtapes with songs he likes to pair together, even if they sounds the same 

Sam monroe playlist done by me ⇦ ⇦ ⇦

❥ ~ Anakin Skywalker ~ 

Anakin Skywalker ~ obviously doesn’t have any cannon music taste so the following playlist is all what I PERSONALLY think Anakin would like to listen to or are him “coded”. This one was the hardest for me to do and is honestly probably the most inaccurate. 

Anakin Skywalker ~ is clearly pretty when he cries, and very lana del rey coded

Anakin Skywalker ~ would have a very open music taste, he listens to what people show him

Anakin Skywalker ~ likes classic rock and acoustic music from obi wan, sad girl music from ahsoka (oh you know she showed him mitski), and softer popy music from padme. 

Anakin Skywalker ~ never knows the names of artists, always has to hum songs for people to know what he's talking about. 

Anakin Skywalker ~ always asks Ahsoka to play her music when flying, but he'll always deny that he does. 

“Why don't you pick your own music for once!” Ahsoka groans in annoyance, rubbing her face in her hands. “Cause i'm flying! "Anakin yells back in protest. “Just admit you like my music.” Ahsoka smirks, plugging her comlink into the ship and getting her playlist on. Anakin stays silent. Pretending not to hear her and stares off at the stars in front of him as he flys. 

Anakin Skywalker playlist by me ⇦ ⇦ ⇦

❥ ~Stephen Glass ~

Stephen Glass ~ has a very diverse taste in all sorts of funky music

Stephen Glass ~ who lives for folk music but also is obsessed with pop music 

Stephen Glass ~ can’t not have Lady gaga on his playlists and knows all her songs. He yells at people who don't know summer boy because that's his favorite. 

Stephen Glass ~ who grew up on bob dylan and the beatles

Stephen Glass ~ was always a Brittany defender and refused to do journalism about her. He would never lie about the queen herself. 

“Did you guys see that britney spears-” his co workers gossip. “I need to be excused.” Stephen immediately stands up and walks anywhere from the conversation. He doesn’t want to hear what they say, and no one wants to know what he would respond with. 

Stephen Glass ~ loves to relax to calming 70s music. 

Stephen Glass ~ is a huge music nerd, but isn't even aware of it. 

“This is Joni Mitchel, she's super cool. She's canadian. I just found that out. I’ve been listening to her for years but I just found out. Crazy huh?” Stephen rambles. You chuckle in amazement on how much he knows and how fast his lips move. “Jeez you sure know a lot about music.” Stephen shakes his head and smiles. “Oh no, not really. I couldn't even play anything if I tried. But anyway did you know-” 

Stephen Glass playlist made by me ⇦ ⇦ ⇦

A/N///: OMGGG im very happy to fianlly have stuff posted again. i have been so out of it lately. this is my first time ever writing headcanons so go easy on me. i have had this sam monroe playlist made for a while now and it gave me the idea to make a lil post about it. i hope yall enjoy and maybe even have a listen. happy thanksgiving and stay hot. - beee!