#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus
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imgonnagetyoubacktv ¡ 2 hours ago
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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kit-katsuki ¡ 3 months ago
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ohhhb venting...
#its getting bad again!#and i don't know how to talk about any of it#my brains main thoughts throughout the day are 'im going to fucking throw up' and 'i should kill myself'#the anxiety has been giving me legitimate chest pains lately (i think its the anxiety)#and i cant lie down to sleep without my brain going all ballistic and self deprecating#i relapsed sh again and i fucking hate it because i was almost a year clean#it got so bad my brother dmed me asking if im okay#i have to be positiveee this is a manic depressive episodeee i wont do anything permanent#i feel like im gonna throw up. and kill myself. i wont. but oh my fucking god i thought i was over this#i dont know what to tell my brother like do i admit im fucking losing my mind or do i try and keep it palatable.#like 'yeah ive been uhh convincing myself not to walk into the street on the way home wbu'#what even is there to say#i feel like im too much for what im worth#people care about me and it only makes their lives harder#people have problems and theyre all my fault#i wish i could just not exist. even if for a short period pf time#i feel like im bringing more stress and anger into this world than the good things that come of me#i feel like everyone that gives me a chance is going to end up hating me#i feel like everyone that loves me will only see who i really am and end up resenting me#i feel like i cant breathe without ruining something good for someone#im sorry#i dont think ill ever feel like im truly doing okay
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nicholasgoodgirl ¡ 1 month ago
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that was mean- nicholas
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summary: nicholas was having a bad week and gave you the silent treatment.
warning: argument, crying, happy ending
a/n: i couldn't stop thinking abt this no joke. so ofc i had to write it out
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from late at night till he left early this morning for work nicholas has been either quiet rude or both.
we haven't spoken to eachother or not even silents acts of love. nothing.
he cut his alarm clock off and i tried to give him a hug before he got out the bed and he pushed me off of him "not right now" he grumbled and got out of bed
when he left for work i said 'bye' to maybe break the silence shared between us, but i got no response. it was starting to get lonely. i missed my bestfriend that was also my boyfriend
i had nobody to mess with or someone to talk to about my day.
to stop these lingering thoughts i go back to bed to maybe get my mind off of things.
--
i wake up around 8 am which was later than the time i usally woke up around, but today was sorta a lazy day.
it was gloomy not much sun was shining, it rained a little here and there. it was more of a slow day for me so the extra rest was very much needed
i text my boyfriend forgetting about the whole silent treatment ordeal.
me: how's your day going so far?? :)
and to no suprise i was left on delivered and soon left on seen. i messaged him periodically throught the day; hoping that maybe he would reply
it was almost time for dinner which normally nicholas cooks cause he's just better at it, but i didn't know when he was coming home or if he would even do it, so i look up some quick easy recipes and nothing struck my fancy but the pizza recipe. cause how hard could it really be?
i put a packet of yeast into my bowl along with some flour, water, oil, and salt. i let that sit for 30 minutes then im back to cooking again.
spreading flour onto the counter and placing the dough onto it; kneading it into a circle shape. this was harder than i thought
i look around for the marinara sauce and i put it into a different bowl and add a few light seasonings.
i paste that onto the dough, then i sprinkle some alot of cheese onto the pizza and my additional toppings bell peppers, spinach, and mushrooms.
i was so proud of myself especially sense i wasnt the cook, out of me and nicholas. i was really excited for him to try what i made but again i highly doubt he would even eat the food.
i put the pizza away into the oven completely forgetting to set a timer and put on a movie while i wait.
--
a smell of burning was the first thing that woke me up. "shit shit shit" i repeat totally freaking out remembering i left the pizza in the oven.
i get a rag and ineffectivley wave smoke out the air. when i open the oven it smelled horrible. i was coughing from all the smoke that had entered my lungs.
i take the burning pizza out and throw it into the sink, and hose it down with the water.
thats when i hear the front door open and mentally face palm. "what's that smell?" he asks "i kinda burnt a pizza that i tried to make"
"of course you did" he mutters sounding unimpressed. "and the fuck you mean 'kinda' you obviously did burn a damn pizza" he gestures to the chunk of charcoal burnt pizza
"it's not like i did it on purposes or something if thats what you think" my tone sounding a bit confronting.
"It's smells fucking horrible so open a damn window first off" he took a step closer raising his voice.
"you don't pay for shit so i don't understand why you almost had this place in flames secondly. then you also wanna blow up my phone while im working for crying out loud what do you want from me!" he yelled directly in my face
and im sure he knows by now i hate being yelled at. it's something my parents did and overall doesn't solve anything
i just take it, i didn't wanna fight so i go over to the nearest window and crack it open so the smoke clears.
my eyes watered from all the harsh words he could dish out but not the equal amount of attention "well.. you are- when i was.. ugh s'not my fault" i couldn't get a full sentence out. i felt so belittled in this moment
"im going to bed i don't have time for your stupid ass shit" those words hurt more than he thinks.
he had the most patience for me, always making time for us and now he doesnt.
"that's so mean.. you're being so mean" i wipe some tears that had fallen. i turned away from him silently crying.
the peices of my hair stuck to my tear-soaked cheeks. "wait- I'm sorry please don't cry" nicholas' voice was filled with regret.
i lazily push him away from me but he doesn't budge. his arms wrap around me bringing me into his familiar embrace. "I'm so sorry for being an asshole. I've been having a long shitty week and i know thats not an excuse so you don't even have to forgive me."
"you're everything to me. i swear i didn't mean it." he adds
the unforgettable cruel words he'd said to me earlier shoved ontop of his sweet loving words made me cry more.
i let him hold my trembling body as sobs tore through my chest, each inhale was ragged and uneven.
my hands clutched the material of his shirt "im so sorry sweetheart i never wanna make you cry" he explains in such a low voice, giving my hair strokes in attempt to calm me.
my face still burried into his neck tears now starting to dry away, and my breathing starting to even out. he carried me over to the couch and placed me in his lap
i was drained from all the crying, the tense feeling in my body beginning to melt away when i really started to feel nicholas' touch. my eyes drooped again this time staying shut for longer.
i was too tired to resist the sleep that had tooken over. and being cradled in his arms didn't help.
"I'll order pizza for the both of us alright?" he took me off of his lap and placed me on our couch. then lays one of our throw blankets ontop of me. "can we talk in the mornin'?" is the last thing i remember asking before dozing off.
a/n: can yall tell idk how to make pizza
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rafeandonlyrafe ¡ 5 months ago
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hormonal hunch
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words: 800
warnings: pregnancy, fluff, established relationship
rafe isn't sure what to do at first. he thought you were sleeping, so he was extra quiet when walking around the room, undressing from the day and changing into pajamas, which were actually just basketball shorts and an old tee.
he was about to climb into bed when he noticed that although your face was pressed into the pillow, your shoulders were shaking slightly, soft noises coming from you.
“baby?” rafe asks softly.
you don't respond, but he hears your sniffles, clearly trying to quiet yourself and calm down.
“oh, baby.” rafe says softly, climbing quickly into bed and wrapping his arms around you, holding you tight. “what's wrong?”
“i-i don't know.” you sob louder, not trying to keep it private anymore.
“you don't know? what happened? did someone do something?” rafe can feel his heartbeat getting quicker, waiting to find out what he needs to do to make you happy again, to get that smile that he loves so much back on your face.
“i just-” you turn over and rafes heart breaks, your eyes red and tears falling down your cheeks. “i just started crying and i feel so bad and i don't know.”
“that's okay.” rafe says, pulling you into his chest. “sometimes you just need to cry.”
“you never just need to cry!” you argue back. 
“yes i do, baby.” rafe presses a kiss to the top of your head. “i just don't let you see it because i need to be strong for you.”
“oh, that just makes me wanna cry more!” you whine, tears falling harder.
“okay, okay, shh.” rafe begins to rock back and forth, letting you cry and leave tear marks and snot on his shirt until you eventually slow down and stop, breathing returning to normal.
“baby?” rafe whispers, thinking you might be asleep, but you pick your head up, a sheepish look on your face.
“i-im sorry.” you quickly wipe your face. “i just um… i just um couldn't stop crying.”
“it happens, okay?” rafe tugs you back in close, needing to feel you against him, still needing to cradle you in his arms. “as long as nothing happened…”
“no, no.” you shake your head. “just been feeling weird lately. probably hormones or something.”
“yeah… hormones.”
rafe minds reels and as the days go by, he keeps a close eye on you, even more than normal. 
he monitors everything from your mood swings, which have suddenly increased, to everything you eat, including weird concoctions he's never seen you put together before.
“can i… can i talk to you honey?” rafe asks one night.
“mhm.” you nod, sitting down on the bed, figuring you can finish your skincare and the last step in your nighttime routine after whatever rafe has to say.
“i… i really think you might be pregnant.”
your eyes widen, not expecting those words to come out of his mouth as he quickly continues. “with the mood swings, the occasional sickness, i just… i really think it could explain some things.”
“i… i haven't gotten my period.” you suddenly realize, placing a hand on your stomach.
“i know.” rafe grins softly. he's always been able to easily keep track just based on how you behave. 
“so-” he pulls something out of the bedside table drawer and hands it to you. “i thought you should take a pregnancy test. ill be right here with you and then… we can decide.”
“decide what?” you look up in confusion, before quickly realizing. “oh.”
“i-” rafe feels foolish for a moment, nervous and unlike his normal self, but he looks at you, glowing you, and he knows what to do. “i want to keep it. i love our life together. i love you. i want a baby with you.”
“you do?” you question, tears instantly welling up in your eyes. 
“of course. you'd be the best mom. there's no one else id want to do this with other than you. i know we are young and aren't married yet but… i really want this.”
“i do to.” you launch yourself across the bed, hugging rafe tightly.
“i love you.” you whisper to him, burying your head in his neck as a couple tears of pure happiness slip out.
“please.” rafe pulls you away. “please go and take the test, i need to know.”
“oh my god, yeah.” you take the test into the bathroom, peeing on the stick before placing it on the counter to wait.
“five minutes.” rafe is just as nervous waiting as you are, he just displays it differently. you sit down on the bed, staring at nothing, while he paces the room, needing to move, glancing constantly at the bathroom and the clock.
“should be time.” rafe says, frowning when you jolt at his words, so lost in your own head.
“yeah, yeah.” you nod, letting rafe grip your hand tightly, knowing he needs the physical connection as you stand and walk into the bathroom.
“you look.” you urge rafe.
rafe nods, then gulps, then turns the stick over to reveal two blue lines. you can tell everything by his reaction, the way his eyes light up as he turns to you.
“oh my god, we're pregnant!” you whisper-scream, wrapping your arms around rafes shoulders as he lifts you, instantly carrying you back to bed.
sfw taglist: @winterrrnight @bejeweledreverie @ladyinbl00d @ethanthequeefqueen
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6ix9inewiturmom ¡ 6 months ago
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The Scare- Chris Sturniolo
Summary: you end up having one of the biggest pregnancy scares of your life while chris is in boston
Warnings: Cursing, Crying, use of Y/N, talks of sex, taking a pregnancy test
A/n: may be tmi but lowkey relate to this so this was easy to write LMFAOO, ENJOY
PSA: DO NOT USE MY WORK FOR “inspiration” OR ANYTHING ELSE!!
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Chris has been in Boston for the last 2 weeks, and he's finally coming home. I decided to shower and shave before he came home because that man is the most sexually active 20-year-old I've ever met, the Facetime sex at 3 am for him isn't nearly enough to satisfy both of our needs.
After my hour-long shower, I'm digging through my shared bathroom with Chris in an attempt to find my body lotion to prevent my dry ass skin in this heat when I find my box of tampons, which got me thinking I haven't had a period in a while and Chris and I aren't the safest people when it comes to sex because neither of us can even remember to put a condom on, it always fucks up my mood.
“Shit,” I say to my self.
Chris and I are only 20 and with his career there's no fucking way in HELL we can have a kid or even raise a kid, I am nowhere near ready to raise an actual child.
I open my Flo app and see the little circle that's normally red is grey ‘1 week late’
“Shit shit shit,” I say out loud again, panicking.
I can't keep it from him, he's gonna see the pregnancy test in the trash. Would he be mad if I kept it from him? Should I just tell him? Should I go to Tara?
After about 30 minutes of standing in the bathroom looking at the message in my phone, panicking about what to do, I just decided I was gonna tell Chris, he loves me, and we've talked about having kids way later in life anyway, he couldn't be mad.
I finally built up the courage and got dressed in a pair of tight ripped jeans and a baby tee, with some Converse, and sat on the couch waiting for Chris to come home going through Tiktok and whatever else was on my phone.
���BABY IM HOME” Chris yells from the stairs
I squeal in excitement as I spot Chris and run towards him. Jumping into his arms, he effortlessly lifts me, allowing me to wrap my legs around his waist.
“Umm Y/N there are other people here too you know? Also, Chris get out of the fucking way so we can fucking put our shit down” Nick says in annoyance.
“Well hello to you too Nick,” I say jumping out of Chris’ arms moving out of the doorway, and letting Matt and Nick come inside the house.
“Sorry babes, we've all been up since about 6 am Boston time trying to catch our flight we almost missed because your fucking boyfriend wouldn't get the hell out of bed” Nick replies sending me a soft smile and giving me a soft hug.
“To be fair none of us went to bed at a decent time, mom was making sure we had everything packed so we didn't leave anything behind” matt defends.
“Thank you, Matt, now Y/N do you wanna take a nap? I know we were gonna go out to dinner but I'm very fucking jet lagged and kinda just want to order dinner and watch movies with you” Chris wraps his arms around my waist nuzzling his head between my neck as my hands rest on his shoulders.
“Thats fine with me i don't mind” i pull away from his embrace and smile at him.
Chris grabs his luggage and my hand and guides me to our shared bedroom. As we enter the room he seats his luggage down and plops on the bed letting out a groan of frustration.
“I have missed this damn bed, don't ask me how I slept in that bed at my mom's house for god knows how long because this one is so much more comfortable,” Chris says adjusting the way he's laying to rest his head down on the pillows. “Now after 2 weeks of no sex and just my right hand, I'm gonna need to fuck the ever-loving shit out of you” he smirks at me patting his lap and signaling me to sit on it.
“Yeah so about that” give him an awkward smile “So I didn't know how to approach this to you, 'cause you know we're not the most responsible sexually active humans” I start babbling getting nervous of his reaction based on the puzzled look on his face.
“Y/N what the hell are you getting at? cause if you don’t wanna have sex with me right now that’s fine just say that, but considering our last facetime call the constant ‘oh chris i need your cock’ was really misleading to me” he says with a puzzled faced.
“Chris i’m late” i breathe out.
“late for what? did we have reservations for dinner? did you have something for work?” he says with frustration in his voice.
“No Chris my period, I'm late, my period is LATE, I'm 1 week late today,” I say aggressively from his lack of acknowledgement.
“wait we haven’t had sex in 2 weeks? i’m confused” he sits up moving to the edge of the bed.
“last time we had sex i was ovulating, remember when i told you like a while ago that if im ovulating means im FERTILE?” i say in frustration.
“Fuck” he runs his fingers through his hair “Did you take a test? Do you know for sure that you are pregnant?” he questions
“No, and no, I didn't wanna take a test without you, and I for SURE didn't wanna hide it from you,” I say softly sitting next to him on the bed.
“So why the hell are you freaking out now? You don't know for sure that you are” he asks placing his head in his hands.
“Because you and I are nowhere near ready for a fucking kid Chris, your career, and my inability to even fucking care for myself some days, yeah there's no fucking way I can care for a child who can't even speak on its emotions, Chris” I stand up out of frustration and start pacing.
I can tell Chris obviously got upset with my statement about our ability to care for a child but i was stressed and honestly wasn't thinking.
"I want you to know that I care about you deeply, Y/N. If you are indeed pregnant, please know that I will do everything in my power to support you and our child. Even if it means giving up my career, I will do it willingly. Let's go get a pregnancy test and we can talk about everything else later, okay? I am here for you, and I will always be." he says, his voice filled with empathy and understanding as he gently cups my cheeks in his hands, rubbing them softly up and down and warm smile spreads across his face.
As our eyes meet, a warm smile spreads across his face and I can't help but return it. He takes my hand in his and gently guides me towards the living room, his grip firm yet gentle. The coolness of his skin against mine sends shivers down my spine.
“Girl, were you guys arguing? Normally after we come home from Boston it's all ‘Oh Chris more, more’ typically a traumatic event” Nick says mocking me with a smile plastered across his face.
“Y/N and I are running to CVS so well be back in a little,” Chris says walking him and me down the stairs and to my car.
The drive to CVS was filled with a bunch of conversations and laughter, talking about if I was pregnant how we would raise our child, and Chris talking about the dad jokes he's gonna have, and considering he's a triplet he carries the genetic that I'm probably gonna twins or triplets.
“How many of these things do we need? What brand is best? why are there so many options?” Chris says holding 3 boxes of pregnancy tests and struggling to figure out which one to pick “fuck it why don't we buy all of them and use one pack tonight then we'll have the extra on hand in case our irresponsibility gets the best of us” he continues.
Chris and I walked up to the front counter and dropped the boxes of tests. The worker behind the counter took a look at the tests and then looked back at us, giving us a fake smile. After ringing up the purchase, we made our way to my car.
“So do you think you are pregnant?” Chris says breaking the silence.
“I mean normally my cycles are normal and a week late is not normal at all but it could be my hormones changing or something, but I do wanna make sure,” I say glancing at Chris nervously biting his nails.
“You were right about how irresponsible we are with our sex lives but when we first started fucking we knew the risk of everything and I mean our kids would be pretty cute,” he says placing his hand on my leg and rubbing a small circle with his thumb.
Chris and I pulled up into the driveway. As we got out of the car, he held my hand tightly and carried the CVS bag in the other hand as we made our way into the house and up the staircase.
“did you get any snacks?” Nick says eating a bowl of popcorn on the couch with Matt watching the most random movie on Netflix.
“Uhm no I just got a couple of personal things” I say nervously holding up the bag and sending a warm smile to Nick.
Chris and I pretty much B lined to the bathroom, anxiously “So which one do we use?” Chris says looking down at the boxes.
“Just give me the one that says Clearblue” i say softly laughing as Chris opens the box for me and inspects it before handing me the little stick.
“Do you want me to hold the stick while you piss? I'm sorry I have no idea how these things work” he says laughing allowing his back to slide down the wall and sit with his back against the shower door.
“Chris it's fine i know how to use these, believe me my friends in highschool weren't the most responsible either” I say laughing beginning to pee on the little white and blue stick.
“So how long do we wait?” Chris says helping me take a seat on the floor next to him.
“5 minutes” I breathe out setting a 5-minute timer on my phone and leaning my head against the shower door.
As we sat in the bathroom, waiting for the pregnancy test to show its result, the silence felt palpable. It wasn't an awkward silence, but rather a deafening one that seemed to fill the entire room. With just the two of us present, we anxiously waited for the five minutes to pass.
“Would it be a bad thing if I wanted it to be positive?” Chris chuckles.
“I wouldn't necessarily say a bad thing, there's a part of me that kind of wants it to be positive too” i smile back at Chris.
The alarm on my phone quickly broke the once-loving moment sending us into a panic. Chris and I stand up walking to the counter.
“Wait should we film it in case you are then we could always have it if you could be pregnant?” Chris’ gaze softens as he looks at me.
“Chris not the time” I softly laugh out.
“Right,” he nods smiling back at me. “WAIT” he grabs my hand “Whatever happens, I love you,” he says in a serious tone.
With a warm smile, I gaze lovingly at him and reciprocate his affectionate words, "I love you too Christopher." However, my attention is quickly drawn towards the counter where the pregnancy test lays face down, taunting my nerves. With trembling hands, I muster up the courage to pick it up and slowly turn it around to face me, my heart pounding in anticipation of the result.
‘Not Pregnant’
“YES, MORE CREAMPIES” Chris shrieks wrapping his arms around my waist and picking me up, and spinning me around as I giggle out of excitement.
He carefully seats me down back flat on my feet. Our moment was quickly interrupted by both Nick and Matt barging through the door.
“ARE YOU GUYS- wait is that a pregnancy test? Y/N ARE YOU PREGNANT?” Nick yelled as Matt's eyes widened at the little blue stick in my hands.
“Please for the love of god, I don't want a little Chris running around, or two, or even three” Matt places his hand on his forehead.
“No she is not” Chris chuckles at the boys’ comment.
“THANK YOU,” matt and nick say in unison.
“Wrap it before you tap it next time Chris,” Nick says walking away and back to the living room.
“Now I'll say it again, after 2 weeks of Facetime sex I would like to absolutely fuck your brains out” Chris says smirking down at me.
“Please do” I smile as he picks me up gripping the backs of my thighs as my legs wrap around his waist leading me to the bedroom.
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A/N pt 2: I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THISSSSSS AND TYSM TO @cosmicmistake42069 FOR THIS INSPIRATION!!
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christhopersturniolo ¡ 8 months ago
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ŕ­¨ pregnancy test ŕ­§ matt
summary: y/n finds out she’s pregnant for the second time.
notes: english is not my first language, so i’m sorry for any mistake! 1.2k words.
warnings: fluff, cussing, sad, panic attack.
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Me and Matt have been dating for the past 5 years, we live together and we also have a 2 years old little kid, called Evie. Well, being honest, Evie wasn’t really expected, but she was never a problem. We do love having Evie at home, even It being a little bit exhausting.
Lately my stomach has not been the best. I've been feeling nauseous all the time. I throw up almost every night, and on top of it, my period is late.
Am I pregnant?
I didn’t told any of this to Matt, and honestly, I really don’t know how he would react. I mean, we never talked about a second child, he never talked about another child, he probably doesn’t even want another child. Fuck really I gotta stop overthinking.
Now, In bed, Matt just fell asleep. And I’m struggling to. I just can’t fall asleep thinking that I can possibly be pregnant.
I get up quietly, trying not to wake up Matt. I go over to the bathroom and I close the door behind me. I look at myself in the mirror. I look tired. I take a deep breath. With shaky hands, I reach out for the pregnancy test that I bought yesterday. I do the test. I wait and wait. I bit my nails stressful. I start getting anxious.
As soon as I check the test, positive. Holy fuck. There’s no way this is actually happening.
My vision blurs, the whole room feels like It’s spinning. I sit on the floor, trying to stay calm. Each breath comes in short, ragged gasps as I fight against the suffocating weight of my anxiety. Tears stream down my cheeks uncontrollably as my heart races. I need Matt. I need to be in his arms. But what will he say?
Im sobbing completely, I can’t see a shit, my panic attack is just getting worst.
I start hearing steps in the hallway. I know it’s Matt, I hide the test behind me. He opens the door. “Babe why are you not in bed-“ Matt's sleepy and concerned voice trails off as he notices me crying on the floor, he automatically sits down next to me and pulls me into a hug, his arms wrapping around me with a comforting strength that I desperately need in that moment.
I bury my face against his chest, my tears soaking into the fabric of his shirt as he holds me close. I cling to him desperately, my body shaking with sobs as he holds me tight.
"Shh.. It's okay.. I'm right here for you.. Focus on me babe..” I keep sobbing and crying aggressively, non stop.
Matt cups my cheeks with his hands, lifting my head from his chest. “I need you to take a deep breath in..” He demonstrates how to do It. “Now, let it out..”
After a few moments of breathing, he asks. “Can you please tell me what’s going on love?”
With tears still streaming down my cheeks, I swallow hard, and I finally start talking. “I.. Took a pregnancy test..” With trembling hands, I reach for the pregnancy test hidden behind me, my heart pounding in my chest as I hold it out for him to see.
Matt's eyes widen. Then, without a word, Matt gently takes the test from my trembling hands, his gaze fixed on the plastic stick.
I start feeling desperate, loosing my breath again. “I think I’m pregnant, I’m sorry..”
Matt's expression softens as he looks at me. "Don’t cry.. it’s okay.. It’s not a bad thing.." He murmurs, pulling me into his embrace once more.
"It is a bad thing, Matt" I finally manage to choke out. "I know you don't want this kid."
Matt's arms tighten around me, his embrace a comforting me. "Hey.. hey.." He murmurs softly, his fingers gently tracing circles on my back. "I never said that..” He pauses “I know.. Hmm.. I know It wasn’t the plan, but I do want this kid, okay?” He says looking into my eyes.
"It's not that simple, Matt.." I whisper, my voice barely audible above the pounding of my heart. "I can't just pretend that everything is okay when it's clearly not.” I sob, loudly.
He looks at me sadly, not knowing exactly what to answer. “Why don’t we go back to our room and talk better there? Huh?” He says in a comforting tone.
I nod, sniffing. He helps me getting back up and we make our way to the bed. We lay down, I cuddle with Matt, my head on his chest, like a pillow. I cry. He strokes my hair, trying to comfort me. “Are you mad at me?” I lift my head, facing him.
His hand strokes my hair softly as he looks into my eyes. "Hey, listen to me" he murmurs, his voice gentle. "I could never be mad at you, okay?” He pulls me closer. “I could never be mad at you for something like this, don’t overthink It..” He kisses my forehead.
I let out a shaky breath. "I’m scared.." I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. "What about Evie, Matt?”
He spreads kisses on my face, and wipes my tears away with his thumb. “Evie will love to have a sister, I promise you.”
“I’m not ready Matt.. What if she feels left out, or if we can't give her enough attention with another baby?” I sniff, sadly. “I’m not even a good mom.." Words catching in my throat.
He pulls away slightly, his brows furrowing with a mix of confusion and frustration. "What do you mean you are not a good mom?" He asks, like I’m lying to his face. "Where is this coming from?"
I stay silent, feeling the weight of his words sinking in. Matt's tone is firm, his frustration evident as he waits for my response.
“Look at me. I don’t wanna hear those words coming out of your mouth ever again.”
"You're an amazing mom. Evie adores you, and so do I. You do the best you can, and that's all that matters. I don’t wanna hear that stupid shit again, do you understand that?”
I struggle to accept his words, the weight of my insecurities. "I'm sorry Matt.." I whisper, tears streaming down my cheeks once again. "I'm trying, I really am, I swear... But sometimes, it just feels like I'm not enough.." I completely break down again, crying even more than before.
As I break down in tears once more, Matt pulls me even closer, his arms a comforting shield around me. “Shh..“
“I love you so much, I don’t want you to leave me..” I say sobbing, hugging him the tighter and tighter.
“I love you too.. I’m not leaving you, I’m not going anywhere.” I cling into his body, leaving stains of my tears on his shirt.
"I'm just so scared" I admit, my voice trembling with vulnerability.
“You are safe with me, I’m not leaving you ever.” He keeps looking into my eyes while I avoid eye contact.
I shake my head as a no, getting more overwhelmed about all of this. “I don’t know If I can do this.”
“Everything will be just fine, I promise you.”
After some good twenty minutes, still with his arms around me, I start relaxing again. Tears continue to fall, but they're softer now. He continues to shower me with affection, leaving my face with gentle kisses and soft caresses, his fingers on my hair, I feel the tension slowly melting away, until we both fall asleep.
୨୧
i was so confused about what to do at the end, i hate this sm but i don’t have anything to post 😭😭
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am-i-the-asshole-official ¡ 7 months ago
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AITA for yelling at my mom because she micromanages my shits?
so my (20X) mom (53F) has been on my case about how long i poop for years. ive had tons of gastrointestinal issues so we went to a specialist, i've gotten a colonoscopy and an endoscopy and we still don't know whats wrong with me. there are times when for seemingly no reason at all i get insane diarrhea to the point where it feels like pissing out of my ass, and then times where im constipated and it takes me thirty minutes just to shit out a few tiny pebble sized shits. it sucks.
aside from the pain that the shitting itself causes, its also really disruptive to my schedule. even if i carve out some extra time in my schedule in anticipation for a shit, sometimes i'll still go over my schedule and then i'm late for class. this is where my mom comes in. she's really big about punctuality because me and my sibling are chronically late people who sleep in etc. so she started setting a timer on the kitchen oven whenever i announced i was going to poop (she also expects me to announce when im pooping so she knows where i am). i think she gave me like 15 minutes?
i didnt expect to make it in time so i figured i would just let the timer go off long enough for my mom to turn it off out of annoyance (the timer is extremely obnoxious and loud). but of course she was too stubborn for that so it was just blaring until i gave up and wrapped up my shit.
i basically yelled at her that my shitting time isnt really within my control (i can like. temporarily pause shitting like i did to turn off the timer this time, its just not good to hold it in) and that its ridiculous for her to expect me to work like a clock when specialists can't even figure out what's wrong with me. she keeps insisting that if the shit doesnt come out in the first ten minutes i should just give up and try again later. the problem is the shits are spread out over a long period of time which is why i have to stay in there so damn long.
she thinks im being inconsiderate of her time (she cant ask me for help or talk to me about anything important if im in the bathroom).
so am i the asshole for taking forever to shit?
What are these acronyms?
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uceyliyahh ¡ 30 days ago
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UNDER YOUR TOUCH
Summary: After her difficult breakup, Tiana wanted to start anew with her life. That's when she realized her life would be better when she met him.
This fanfic is 18+! NO MINORS ALLOWED
word count: 3250
smut warning; it’ll come in the story randomly so PLEASE PLEASE look out for it I’m not really good at writing ✍🏽 smuts but I’m improving at the moment.
Jey Uso x Tiana
AWFUL GRAMMAR IM GETTING BETTER I SWEAR LOL.
comments, likes, repost are appreciated I would love the constructive feedback in what area I need to approve in. 🤍
ALSO! I don’t not want nobody stealing my fanfics or take it as theirs that will be an issue fasho so keep it cute respectfully.
I only own my OC along with the make up scenarios
But I’ll be writing along the way since this story is in my drafts on Wattpad right now so yuh. 💁🏽‍♀️
TAGS ⬇️ lmk if you wanna be tag 🏷️
@pinkwithhearts @jstarr86 @420days @empressdede @angiedawn02 @biancasreign @bebesobrielo @hunnidmilly @zillasvilla @fearlesschimera @yana3sworld @skyesthebomb @xbriexx
youtube
XIII.
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trinity_fatu, biancabelairwwe, zillafatu and others like your post.
uceyjucey: she knows imma spoil her ass rotten. 😩 tianasworld: 🤗🤗 uceyjucey: @ tianasworld wifey 🤍 trinity_fatu: JOSH WIFE HER UP NEOW! uceyjucey: @ trinity_fatu chill sis I'm not finna rush into that. biancabelairwwe: omggg Joshua stop playin dawg. zillafatu: you better wife her up cuzzo fasho 🫡 theyhatelani: this pick me ass girl uceyjucey: @ theyhatelani gtfo
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uceyjucey, theyhatekai, MontezFordWWE and others liked your post.
tianasworld: I love it when he spoils me😩🤭 uceyjucey: yk imma spoil you mamas with yo' cute ass. 😮‍💨 tianasworld: @ uceyjucey 🤭 theyhatekai: take me off the restraining order tink tianasworld: @ theyhatekai didn't I just block you? damn how many accounts you got? biancabelairwwe: bestie can yall get married now? Like I can drive yall to the courthouse to get it done I want a niece. 🥲🥲 MontezFordWWE: I see you uce spoiling ya woman.
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TIANA
Jey has been doing a lot for me these past couple of weeks, taking me out on dates, going to the beach, or taking me on late-night walks to talk about things. It just made my heart flutter, and I love him even more.
He was trying to make me feel stress free away from all the drama that's been circulating lately between his ex-girlfriend then to Kai and his parents keep bugging me about the restraining order which I'm not taking in off I don't need him near me.
Ever since I put hands on his momma he's been trying to get in touch with me to speak on the matter but I didn't have nothing else to say to him nor to her as well it was getting ridiculous at this point.
'Why his people so delusional just excusing the fact that he put his hands on me.'
I was out back smoking some weed. I took a few puffs before putting it down on the tray, admiring the view as the wind was blowing.
Jey had to go back to work which kind of made me sad and I missed him so much. I haven't really been at work or even check up on my nail shop since that incident between me and Kai including Emma.
But I told my clients that I'll be back soon due to personal reasons, and they all understood, which I loved, honestly.
I took a few more puffs from the pre-roll blunt as I blew the smoke in the air, and a satisfying sigh escaped my lips.
I pulled my phone out while scrolling through my social media, replying to some of my clients and others in the comments section. As I was doing that, I saw that Bianca had texted me.
Breezy sent 3+ messages Breezy: Hey bestiee I see that Joshua has been taking you out lately you deserve it tho period. Breezy: also ion wanna bring it up but his mama came over again today but this time we wasn't home I saw it on the ring camera. Breezy: when is yall going to get married and have babies already?
I chuckled at her last text message that I read she's so dramatic.
Tiana: girl fuck his mama atp because I'm over it I'm not taking Kai of the restraining order. Breezy: period as you should I'm getting tired of her too. Tiana: speaking of marriage and kids B ion wanna rush into all of that I don't want it to be a disaster you know? Breezy: I understand girl so how are you goin to feel when he does pop out with that question? Tiana: imma say YES duhh girl but then I'll be crying😭😭 Breezy: girl I am done with you chileee are you alone at his crib? Tiana: yeah, he's at work which I'm sad I miss my man girl Breezy: he'll be home girl but I was just checking in on you I miss you being at home. Tiana: Montez getting in your nerves? 😭😭 Breezy: YESSS Tiana: Girl bye you know you love him. Breezy: that's true but I'll text you later girly Tiana: byeee
I smoked the last bit of the blunt as I put it out before heading back inside the house and hearing the keys jiggling, knowing that Jey finally came home.
"Mamas? I'm home!" He shouted.
I ran over to him, wrapping my arms around his neck as he told me to jump, and I did while his hands were resting on top of my ass, carrying me to the couch.
He removed his book bag and threw it next to him while he kept me in place on his lap. I cupped his face with my small hands and kissed him on the lips.
"I missed you bubba," I said pulling away.
"I missed you too, ma; what did you do when I was gone?" Jey asked.
I explained to him about my day and the talking to Bianca about what she had told me before he came home. Him listening and watching me ramble about my day just made my heart flutter.
I felt him caressing my cheek in the process of me rambling which made me look away for a second causing him to chuckle.
Grabbing my chin pulling me in for another kiss but this time it was different. We made out as his tongue slipped into my mouth as I gripped onto his mullet.
As we continued to passionately tongue kiss each other, I felt him scooping me up from my thighs while taking us upstairs towards his bedroom, not removing our lips from each other.
He pinned me on the bed, never leaving my lips as I felt him removing my clothing along with his as his lips escaped mine putting them onto my neck, sucking it like a vampire.
As a moan escaped from my lips as I felt him rub my pussy as I continued to grip onto his mullet.
"I haven't even did anything to you yet and you're wet for me baby." He rasped.
SMUT WARNING He had my legs pinned behind my head as he was digging his dick deep inside of me. All I could do was moan his name loudly, gripping onto his biceps tightly.
"I love how you're just taking it mama." He whispered as he held onto my throat pounding me senselessly.
My walls were clenching around him as a groan escaped his lips gazing down at me. Watching my facial expression turn up every time he dug deeper inside of me, which satisfied him.
He leaned over to place a soft kiss on my lips as I let out a gasp when he pushed his dick deeper inside of my gushy insides.
He watched me tremble underneath him. "C'mon mamas you got it give it me." Jey started to circle his hips hitting my spot causing me to hold onto him tightly.
Our skins were slapping against each other as our moans and groans were heard all over the room. I didn't know how much I could take from this man.
My eyes were rolling in the back of my head. "J-Joshhhh F-fuck." I whined weakly, feeling that familiar pit going down my stomach.
I always felt very overwhelmed when it time for me to nut on this man. I tried to push him away by his stomach, but he slapped my hands away, drilling my wet cunt vigorously.
"Stop runnin' from me and take this dick Ma." He rasped into my ear feeling his balls slapping against my clit.
I scratched his back causing him to hiss as he rubbed his thumb on my clit which drove me insane.
He continued to grip my throat firmly, not trying to hurt me, as I felt my toes curling up while his strokes were getting sloppier and sloppier.
I was tapping onto his back, signaling that I was going to cum. "Use your words baby, let daddy know what's up." I loved when he sweet talked me  making me want to stop using birth control and have his kids now.
I felt my legs shaking violently underneath him as I let out a loud moan while cumming all over him. He kissed me on the cheek as he continued to sweet talk me.
Cursing underneath his breath as he continued to pound my now sensitive cunt deeper while I grip onto his mullet tightly.
Not too long after, he came inside of me, filling me up with his seed as a groan escaped his lips. Jey pulled out seeing me shaking violently while trying to catch my breath.
SMUT OVER. Jey went inside his bathroom getting everything prepared for us to take a bath together. As I lie there in his bed still shaking violently trying to calm myself down.
He for sure put that thang on me. I've seen him coming out his bathroom holding his hand out for me to get up knowing damn well I couldn't walk.
"Can you walk mama?" Jey asked.
"Yes of course Josh I can walk, hell no nigga I cannot walk sir." I said sarcastically while rolling my eyes.
"very funny tink c'mon I'll carry you." I held his hand as he carried towards his bathroom while shutting the door behind him.
Sitting me down on the edge of the tub as I attempted to get in by myself as Jey did the same thing. he wrapped his arms around my waist as me and him sigh in relief as the warm water hit our body.
I lay my head back on his chest as he gave me a soft kiss on the lips.
"How are you feeling baby?" He asked.
"I'm feeling fine love, more relaxed than ever." I said as I looked up at him.
"That's good; my mama keeps asking me when we are going to get married and have kids together." I nod my head while listening to him.
"I told her I didn't want to rush or pressure you into that yet until you're ready." I loved how he respected my wishes because I am confident that I want to marry and have his babies too.
I smiled at him as he placed a kiss on my thick lips  causing us to get caught up in another make out session but this time I was in control as my hand snaked down around his harden member.
Stroking it up and down as he threw his head back. "Why don't you come suck it I missed yo' pretty ass lips on my dick mama."
SMUT WARNING
We were still in the tub that was filled with warm water and bubbles as I was bobbing my head up and down on his dick sucking his sensitive tip.
Moans and Groans escaped his lips as he gazed down at me, going down on him while throwing his head back.
"Shit mama keep goin'" He grabbed a whole load of my hair, thrusting his hips up and down as he face fucked me.
As I was deep throating his dick I was circling my tongue on his tip while he pushed his dick deeper inside of my throat causing me to gag a bit.
He was sweet talking me through it giving me compliments and encouraging me to keep going down on him.
He pulled me back up, hearing that pop go out of my mouth as he kissed me on the lips. I continued to down on him deeper feeling the tip of his dick hit the back of my throat trying not to gag.
"I want you to gag on this dick mama, make me nut." He rasped.
I swirled my tongue around his tip as I gazed up at him, seeing him gripping onto the side of the tub while rolling his eyes in the back of his head.
It made me feel satisfied seeing like this since he always have me like that so a little payback won't hurt.
I had him shaking underneath me as he kept clenching his legs tightly. "Make me nut mama, make me fuck..." his moans we heard all over the bathroom.
I felt his dick twitching inside of my mouth as I kept sucking the tip because that's all I needed to do to get him there.
After a while he groaned loudly as he nut all over my face while I was tapping his dick onto my tongue in the process.
He was shaking violently just like how I was while gazing down at me.
"Fuck mama, that felt so good." He breathed out seeing his tatted chest going up and down trying to catch his breath.
SMUT OVER.
✧.* JEY Me and Tiana were cuddled up together in the bed as she was sleeping soundly meanwhile I was scrolling through my social media seeing everyone supporting our relationship.
That's when her phone went off not wanting her to wake up I leaned above her body grabbing her phone in the process. Seeing that Bianca was calling her so I picked it up.
OTP Breezy: Tiana? I need you and Josh home like now. Tiana: this is Josh what's going on B? Breezy: Malakai and his momma are banging on our door looking for Tiana and Montez is trying to tell them to leave. Tiana: I can come over there real quick Tiana is sleeping right now B. Breezy: Please Josh that would be great. Tiana: I'll be there in a few minutes B. Breezy: thank you Josh.
CALLED ENDED.
Don't this guy ever quit? Why is he harassing her people like this? I looked at Tiana who was sleeping on my chest peacefully as I placed her on her pillow quietly without trying to wake her up.
I put on the clothes I had on earlier, grab my keys, and head out the door, texting Jon.
Twin📌: I just got your message what's up uce? Jey: Tiana's ex and his momma are messing with Bianca and Montez so I need backup just in case some shit go down. Twin📌: where's Tiana? Jey: she is at my crib sleeping right now I'm otw over to her house. Twin📌: ight I'll tell Trin I'm heading out so she won't get worried. Jey: ight uce.
I was driving fast towards Tiana and em house going to handle this. I finally pulled up to the crib seeing his momma car there while they were banging on their door.
I got out of my car seeing Jon pulling in the driveway he came up to me as we dabbed it up before walking up to them.
"Aye, imma need yall to get the fuck on like deadass." I said while I stood there with my arms folded.
They both got startled while turning their heads looking at me and my brother Jon standing behind them.
"Oh, it's yo' bitch ass where the fuck is Tiana?" Malakai questioned.
"Her whereabouts are none of your business fuck boy, so why don't you and yo' momma leave, or it'll be some problems." He came up to me showing his strap something that Tiana was telling me about.
I chuckled at him then looked at Jon who was also chuckling with me too this fool think I'm scared of a gun. I stood my ground being all up in his face while looking into his eyes.
"You might wanna back up, boy, that damn gun. Don't scare me; I'll still beat yo' ass in the process." I spat, pushing him off, causing him to tumble a bit.
"Fuck you, you don't deserve Tiana I should've beat her ass some mor—" before he could finish his sentence I sucker punched him in his jaw causing him to fall on the ground seeing his momma coming to his aid.
I was on top of him beating his head in. I was not finna tolerate him talking down on Tiana like that when she's not here to defend for herself.
As I was beating his head in his momma tried to pull me off but Bianca came to my aid pushing his momma out the way as I continued to beat the fuck out of him.
Montez seen that ol' boy was trying to reach for his strap but instantly grabbed it throwing it somewhere meanwhile I grabbed a whole load of his hair dragging him as a threw him against the brick wall, hearing him winch in pain.
"Next time you wanna speak on Tiana you better respect her, and YOU don't deserve her like I do bitch ass boy." I kicked him in his stomach as Jon held me back from him as I calmed down.
"Calm down Uce, you know Tiana don't want nun happening to you." Jimmy said as I nodded my head agreeing with him.
His momma slapped me across the face as I held my face while smirking a little bit she was so lucky that Tiana was at my crib sleeping right now.
"HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO MY SON I CAN GET YOU ARRESTED!" she shouted.
"you and yo' bummy ass son will also get arrested for trespassing  and goin against the restraining order." I said as I felt my phone buzzing.
I saw that Tiana was calling me as I answered the phone.
OTP ZaddyJey🤍: mama? What's up? Mamas🩷: where are you right now bubba? ZaddyJey: I'm handling business right now mama what are you doin up? Mamas🩷: don't sugarcoat that shit with me Josh what's happening? ZaddyJey🤍: I'm over at your crib because ol' boy and his momma were messing with Bianca and em so Bianca called you but you were sleep. Mamas🩷: is everything okay? ZaddyJey🤍: yeah mama I'm handling it I'll be home in a little bit okay? now go back to sleep. Mamas🩷: okay baby I love you. ZaddyJey🤍: I love you too ma.
CALLED ENDED.
"Was that Tiana uce?" Jimmy asked.
"Yeah, she was wondering where I was at but I told her I'll be home in a bit after this shit is over with," I replied as he nodded his head.
We saw his momma getting him up as he was limping in pain. He tried running up on me, and I sucker punched him again, as he went limp on the ground.
"Damnnnn," everyone said it together as his momma was freaking out, tapping her hand on his face.
"Y'all can leave now, so I can get back to my woman at home." I said as Jon threw my keys towards my way.
I dabbed up with Montez and hugged Bianca before heading out back home.
✧.* I finally made it home as i unlocked the door with my key while shutting it behind me making sure I locked it too. I went upstairs take off my shirt and pants that I wore seeing Tiana sleeping peacefully.
I got underneath the covers with her, pulling her back onto my chest as I felt her shift in her sleep while rubbing her eyes seeing my facial features in the dark.
"Baby? Your back?" She mumbled softly.
"Yeah I'm back tink you can head back to sleep now ight." I said softly while giving her a kiss on her forehead.
I got comfortable as I put one of my hands in the back of my head while closing my eyes going to sleep.
Under Your Touch.
A/N: whewww chileeee they are doing way to much messing with Bianca and em' but Jey stood on big business also sorry for the smuts 😭😭 it was giving pretty much bridgerton with Daphne and Simon 😭😭
I hope yall enjoy this chapter lmk in the comments.
Stay Ucey.
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sqtorux ¡ 6 months ago
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first angst drabble!! i cannot write angst without tryna cryy :(
okk here it goes HELP srry this took while say i had go school to catch up works i miss when sick
imagine nanami sending you texts every time when he goes out for mission it start with "hey how are you?" and at night he give you heads up "mhm comin home late." it's always was a routine, one mission was going be his very last he text you sweet messages how he Forgot kiss the kids good Moring since he went early but he promise to you when he comes back he give them a sweetest night kiss, you guys texted back and fought before he had to go, he sent you a message d before he had to go, you were to focus on the Kids you didn't see it pop up, minutes went hours you were so worried you texted your husband wondering where he is, you saw a text that you missed "if anything happens, I love you." you reply back "promise?" why reply to someone who not on earth anymore?
WHHE2321MNEWD
(this was a diff idea i wanted when everyone was using reader and when she finds a boyfriend, Gojo he just like the same and uses her too tell me if u want this drabble to i thought it was bit mean!!)
-🐱 anon
honestly could go a little something like-
the day starts with the lovely morning text from your husband as usual, smiling to yourself at the endearment he called you and the apology saying he forgot to kiss your lovely daughter before he left. he'd make up for it when he arrive though, you had no doubt.
checking your phone right after you wake up to read your husband's text was your daily routine even before kento became your husband. it just didn't feel like your morning was complete without doing so.
this particular morning however, you find yourself crying for a reason you can't find yourself to pinpoint.
you: i think my period is coming, im getting emotional for no reason. come kiss me better when you arrive!
✓ 6.54 am
you set your phone down and take a moment to bask in the small rays of light falling from your windows into your room and sigh, wiping your tears away. you could really use morning kiss right now.
"mama!" your daughter scurried over to your bed and threw her tiny body over yours earning a giggle from both your mouths. you place a chaste kiss on her forehead and a second one, for kento. it was a charming moment until your daughter's smile disappeared.
"mama are you crying again?" you find your hands rubbing away the tears that happened to run down your cheeks. what is up with that?
"momma's fine, baby. how about we surprise papa with his lunch today? he forgot to give you your morning kiss hm?" you tuck her hair behind her ears, her own eyes slowly turning teary.
"you're doing it again" she pulls away from your hold, a frown now found itself on her adorable face.
"doing what baby?"
"talking like ... like papa is still here. i don't like it."
that's when it hit you. her papa, your husband wasn't here anymore. you knew it, you do but somehow it does not make sense. how could nanami be dead when you've just received your morning text like you always used to when he was here?
you scrambled among your sheets desperately searching for your phone to prove to yourself, more than anyone, that nanami was alive and well. of course he has to be.
however you were only met with disappointment and that nauseating feeling of jumping off somewhere high when you opened your chats to his number.
you: i think my period is coming, im getting emotional for no reason. come kiss me better when you arrive!
[message not sent. this number is no longer in use.]
! 6.54 am
ah. it wasn't for no reason that you were emotional first thing in the morning. it was your body mourning for the love of your life that your mind forced itself to forget about his death.
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omg this concept of reader imagining/hallucinating beloved used to be one of my favourite tropes!! pls the way my world paused when i read your drabble because i knew it was angst but i didn't know it was about THIS topic crying crying
also im so glad to know you're better now, enough to go to school hehe i hope the workload isn't too heavy to catch up on <3
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thequietkid-moonie ¡ 5 days ago
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Honestly, lately I like Reverse 1999 story better then HSR. I still like HSR, but I'm so tired of the sus characters turning up to be misunderstood. The previous quest (that I watch playtrough, since I don't have time to play), is kind of mid to me. Yet, with Reverse 1999 I felt like I was riding on the wild roller coaster.
Not only that but Reverse 1999 characters designs are way more creative, and doesn't feel copy and paste. And unlike *cough* Genshin *cough* Bluepoch does respects characters culture by giving them the skin colour that represents their nationality.
Of course this my personal opinion. Which storytelling do you prefer?
Uhuhuhu my lord! You have awaken and internally debate inside of me! I been thinking about this almost all day! And this post is goint to be loooong so be ready
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Okay so, I can't choose between Reverse 1999 and Honkai Star Rail, I love both way too much and I feel like both does go in diferent ways
I think that one of the biggest diferences between the storytelling is that hoyoverse in general is incredibly good at creating interesting and captivating stories but doesn't really have idea of how to tell them, wich lead then to sin of pretentious and profound while in Reverse 1999 takes time to tell you the story, it introduces you and immerses you in its world in a pretty natural way and treats you like Vertin herself, letting you know the important things as the story goes on (with some exceptions just to make the suspense grow)
I feel like the story of r1999 is much more mature and goes for a more solid rute, like it really focus on the world and conflicts have created and everything goes around that same conflict, one way or another (you can even see it in the chapter of Vertin's past, everything has to be with the storm! Even the debate about Vertin's actions is indirectly related to the storm), except for the stories of the events, those stories can be quite slow at times since but still always has something to contribute to the lore
Also, one of the biggest diferences that i personally see is that Bluepoch thinks a lot on the player and tries to make the experience as enjoyable as posible while Hoyoverse things more on money rather than the player
I absolutely love HSR story, I played the penacony story as it was being released and I was on the edge to know what was going to happen but I do admit that the whole story was a "I do can tell you the details, but I dont want 😼", there was so much interesting characters that were just a waste, it feels like everything it's halfway through because they tries to be misterious and the conclusion is quite rushed and somewhat poorly done, but aside from that the rest of the story is pretty decent
Also, one of the biggest diferences is the text, I think HSR doesn't have an awful amount of text as Genshin but still there are things that just they are left over at times. I think Reverse 1999 gives npc a better treatment than HSR and specially Genshin, in r1999 the npcs mainly purpose is to naturaly tell you about the place you are, to teach you in what context you are and let you get inmerse in the story and makes it pretty well! It feels quite natural and it doesn't become tiring with an awful amount of inecesary text (like in Genshin), besides the story doesn't treat you like an idiot and explain something over and over again
Also, the desings I also things are incredibly creative but r1999 has the advantage of being of diferent historical periods and the same story tells you that arcanist aren't always human so that open a good oportunity to get creative! Still, I think Bluepoch is incredibly creative
Im not going to talk about Genshin natlan characters, I still think that Genshin developers worry more about money than the player so if making white characters is what make then win more good for them I guess 🤷🏻
While HSR characters are an interesting case, they either come up with incredibly interesting and unique desing or go back to the woman with the outfit with the chinese like base desing
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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone ¡ 4 hours ago
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what happens to nhw after muse? like, publicity wise. especially regarding ashe. idk if you talked about it before or not, i remember seeing things about like. nhw tv appearances and such, but i don't remember if there was anything specifically regarding the pr nightmare of a boy getting mused and going on a murder spree like a localized natural disaster
do they make him go on tv and talk about it? do they rebrand? both? what happens here. i mean it would suck for ashe no matter what probably but yeha
OH NY GOD. I FORGOT I NEVER ANSWERED THIS IM SO SORRY. in my defense i got sick and my brain has been goop since like. sunday. not even going to put this one under a cut everyone gets to see my muse ramblings (muse musings. ha)
ANYWAY. SO. FIRST OFF. nobody knows who he is !!!! to the general public, muse and auxiliary are two different people, and like... there's not really anything there to tie them together. aux's costume was so like bulky full coverage that his identity was Very much hidden, and muse like.... doesn't hide his face at all, but at the same time he's not Ashe because ashe doesn't dress like that or do his hair or makeup like that so. even though his face is on full display I don't think anyone other than his family/friends would make that immediate connection either
obviously like... the prt knows what happened, because of course the wards needed to tell them. publicity-wise, as far as the public is concerned, auxiliary was killed. aux is dead. you remember that one interlude from Vista's pov where she had to look at the greyed out memorial images of the wards who were killed in the leviathan battle? yeah imagine one of those for aux. as far as anyone else knows he died in the fight with overlord (lmao. not like anyone could distinguish identifiable corpses from that mess anyway)
we have played with the idea a few times about a few different topics that there's a subsection of conspiracy theorists on parahumans online that actually connect the dots and get everything right (aux and muse being the same person, Tide and magma being made from the endbringers, etc etc stuff like that that isn't supposed to be public knowledge) but it's extremely funny if they're just a weird fringe group of freaks so nobody ever takes them seriously
the idea that after ashe gets back from being mused and has to go on TV about it makes me so fucking SICK btw that's such a horrid scenario oh my god. I made such a face at that. torture for him!
anyway what actually happens after he gets back from being mused is like.... nothing? really? Trickster takes Mal in exchange for ashe and then they just kind of disappear. and they're left in this horrible paranoid calm period. adn because theyre also gone i think people just assume that either muse went with them or also got killed in that final battle. unsure which option is worse, ashe hearing people talk about muse like hes still out there somewhere (ouch!) or talking about muse like he was killed by his friends (actually now that i type this out i think ashe would prefer this option so much more. man. he has so many issues) it takes ashe a loooong long long time to even consider using his powers again much less entertain the idea of going back to hero work, so it's not really like... an issue? for a bit? we haven't rlly nailed down that period of time yet but I would assume the prt has him under some sort of loose supervision until it's decided that he's not an active threat anymore and he gets to fucking REST for a little bit ! we're intentionally leaving late game nhw a little loose rn because I know I personally just really wanna see how s3 of pd turns out before we nail down anything too solid bc if there's one thing i love about nhw it's referencing back to things happening in canon and making them so much worse ^_^ but I think we've talked about ashe potentially going back to hero stuff eventually under a new name. and nobody can say shit because if a cape has a new name that means they're a different person and nobody can say anything (cough cough looks at armsmaster/defiant) !!!
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cloudycleric ¡ 10 months ago
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heyy dude i’m watching ur podcast video rn and i saw some of ur posts about it can you please go more into detail about ur thoughts on this charming man and byler cus i feel like i’ve been screaming into the void about the smiths LMAO. i didn’t really get it w this charming man but i wanna see what you think 🙏
okay so im guessing youre asking for an explanation on this charming man & dont worry i have also been screaming the smiths into the void lately. okay so my thing with this charming man is like, it doesnt fit entirely into the perspective of either will or mike but there are certain parts that i think are just so fucking byler. i think mainly the admiration that the speaker has for the charming man is what really sells it for me; it is very very clear in the song that the speaker has a real deep & passionate admiration for him (& maybe even a crush but i dont think morrissey is ready for that talk yet & also, as a jewish person, he can go to hell.)
we got the first verse & ough DOGGIE this one is real byler coded. "puncture bicycle on the hill side desolate" could be a lot of things but the specific bicycle imagery sticks out to me a lot for obvious reasons i'm sure, originally thinking i was going to talk about how the lyric could parallel the swing set meeting since mike too in a way was left stranded looking for help during that moment before he went up to will,
BUT, i think it fits in even better when you consider will's absence from hawkins. "punctured bicycle on the hill side desolate" could also be imagery of will's bike, because god knows where it is now, & mike is seeing it just in complete misery.
the next line "will nature make a man of me yet?" okay when i tell you i have an interpretation for this one i MEAN IT. nature, in this line pretty obviously, refers to forces beyond one's control, & i once again think this is coming from mike's perspective (thought it could be easily applied to will's). okay hold onto your horses because this one is the wildest in the west
"will nature make a man of me yet?" – mike wheeler's internalized homophobia makes him unable to view himself as a real "man." by the forces of nature taking will away from him, perhaps he views this as a way of the universe trying to make him "man up" or whatever. i know that one makes me giggle so much. it hits harder if you think about it in terms of mike's obliviousness because ough thats so good, but it also can apply to will in the same way now that he's been separated from mike. but im sorry from mikes perspective it hits so much harder
OKAY now we're moving to will's territory. the next line i want to talk about is "why pamper life's complexity when the leather runs smooth on the passenger seat?" a big theme in this charming man is how the charming man is of a very higher class than the speaker, which can definitely be said about will & mike. so, this could be explaining will talking about how mike's situation is different than his, i have a deeper better explanation,
i think this line could refer to "why think about all the fucking shitty things ever when mike is so great." it's super implied in the show that mike & will always turn to each other when theyre going through a rough period, or that mike is always protective of will/wants to make sure that he's okay, so i think this may be will talking about why he should deal with the outside world, in terms of trauma or homophobia or whatever, when he can just chill out with mike & not have to worry about all that
okay, so. i don't want to talk about the "i would go out tonight" line because i don't really think it applies here & that's okay. but what i WILL go over next is the "this man said, 'it's gruesome, that someone so handsome should care,' " line because all i can think of when i see this scene is in s4 when mike & will are burying the body in the desert & will cant help himself but stare at mike. it's probably really "gruesome" (fucking AUGHHHH terrible) that someone as handsome as mike should care about him & his problems when he thinks that the probability of them getting together really sucks. even though his personality is great too, mike is a very good looking guy i will say myself & i have also thought this since i was a youngin. so the way that he is just so beautiful to will & also to anyone with eyes makes it even worse to be pining over him because god, he's just so fucking pretty?
"jumped up pantry boy, who never knew his place" once again talking about the difference in class between the speaker & the charming man. though i wouldn't go as far to describe will as a pantry boy. but guess what? will never knew his place until after he found mike.
okay finally the last two lines of the chorus but i analyze them out of order;
the "he knows so much about these things" is like OUGH that is VAN SCENE BEHAVIOR. i could 100000% see mike going "will knows so much about these problems i have & exactly how to fix them" or whatever, & in a metaphorical way you could make the argument that will is trying to communicate something along the lines of "return the ring" but trying to get a 1:1 match for that line is a bit tricky & a lot of a stretch since will is trying to convince mike to go for it, BUT what im trying to get at is that the line could parallel how will is giving love advice to mike in the same way that the charming man does to the speaker, & the speaker is as entranced with the charming man as mike is with will
I HOPE THIS ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION! i should really organize this into a manifesto or something
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weirdmorefics ¡ 2 years ago
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the same person who asked this
Hi there. Can I request a Anthony Bridgeton x ftm reader slightly set in modern era where they have twins and Anthony's family loves the reader and is okay with there relationship. I just want fluff with a (little too big of a) dash of angst. Something domestic where they go on a vacation and them all running around the garden and at the end of the night after the twins go to sleep y/n and Anthony spend time alone just talking, cuddling and swaying to music while looking in each other's eyes...im just a simp for fluff and angst.
Sorry if this is too specific or non-specific and if you don't feel like writing it then it's cool. Thank you ❤️
Just Shut Up and Kiss Me
FTM Reader
Pronouns- He/Him
Word Count- 523
Summary- After a long day at the ocean with the twins, you and Anthony finally get some quality time together.
A/N- MODERN TIME PERIOD! It's not exactly like the request I hope you still like it :)
Sorry for the lateness I've said in another post but it is due to the Flu and I have many chronic illnesses so it took me a while to get back to baseline.
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The twins were more rambunctious than they were at the estate which I did not even know was possible. I guess vacations bring out the energy in all of us. We spent the day together at the ocean and they could not contain their excitement.
To be honest, though any public body of water raises my anxiety. Even after top surgery, I feel like I should be wearing a shirt but Anthony eases my nerves. He has been with me through it all even if he was a bit uneducated about the subject at first. Eloise helped him research everything about top surgery and we played board games all throughout my recovery. Anthony acts as quite the buffer as well, his handsomeness certainly distracts from me. Anthony still encourages me to feel good in my skin with the salacious comments he whispers in my ear. Even with his encouragement, it is still very tiring to fight those feelings all day.
I am grateful that the kids poured all their energy into creating intricate sand castles and destroying them. By the time we got to the summer home, the kids were so exhausted they passed out the minute their head hit their pillows. I felt exhausted myself from the sun, the crazy twins, and many emotions of the day. After tucking the children in I planned on going to sleep but Anthony had other ideas.
"Come on darling I have something to show you," Anthony says dragging me away from the twin's room practically giving me no choice.
"Anthony what has you in such a tizzy," I laugh at his usual antics.
"I just want to show you something as mesmerizing as your eyes," He says with a goofy grin.
I blush and try to hide my face, "Stop you're going to make me gag."
"You know you love my romantic words," he laughs deeply.
I roll my eyes, "Don't get too full of yourself."
"You already know I am full of myself that's why you married me handsome." He smirks
"Yeah, sure that's why," I laugh.
"Enough of denying how perfect my personality is look up," he says gesturing to the sky.
I go to make some stupid witty remark when I look to the sky.
"There are so many stars here you never see this many in London!" I gasp in awe.
"I have always wanted to take you here ever since I met you Y/N. The moment I saw your eyes they always sparkle when you are talking about something you are passionate about just like these stars."
I feel my whole face start to turn red which in turn makes my face even redder because now I am embarrassed about being embarrassed what a vicious cycle. I try to turn away to sass Anthony about being too gooey again but he pulls my face towards his.
"Don't you ever hide your feelings my love because you make every emotion a work of art." He says suavely making me want to smack him.
I roll my eyes, "Just shut up and kiss me."
"That I can do," he smirks wickedly.
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little-bumblebeeee ¡ 4 months ago
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heya, it's me again (you'll know who i am in the next few words) ...would you mind doing another dustin fic? sorry to keep bothering you lol (and if you don't mind I might keep on asking you as time goes on cause i just love him so much <3)
maybe dustin x a lab person (7 is my lucky number soo yk) where they've known each other for a while & dust just now finds out they have powers
its okay if not, & i hope you're having a wonderful day !!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BBG SORRY IM LATE IM GOING THRU IT LOVE YOUUU
Speechless - Dustin x (intended to be fem but ended up gender neutral) reader - 690 words
You knew El back then, but you weren’t close with her and you asked her not to tell. Another reason nobody knew who you were before.
You got out around the same time as 011, what you knew her as, but you were found by the Munson’s and not poor Benny. The only reason the Munson’s survived is that Benny didn’t have a gun hidden behind the couch, Benny didn’t have a reputation as the freak and the failure, and Benny definitely didn’t have the goods to bribe the agents.
You always wore a watch, per Eddie’s instructions, as he gently told you when you met that maybe a kid with a shaved head and “007” on their wrist would be a little off-putting. He knows somewhat from experience, he had said to you.
They took care of you, sending you to school. You didn’t quite excel but you enjoyed it, especially science, always wanting to stay after class to peek into the microscope at the little wiggling bacteria that was usually there from the last class period. That’s when you met Dustin, when he was still small with a toothless smile and wild curls, when he was still staying after science class to see the updates Mr. Clark had with the AV club.
This is the first time Dustin has ever seen you without the watch Eddie gifted you. He hasn’t really seen anyone else with those perfectly inked numbers on their wrist, and it’s almost instant.
“What’s that?” Dustin ends up asking you, peering curiously at the small black sliver of ink he sees peeking out of your sleeve. He’d have to find out eventually, didn’t he? But you didn’t *want* it to be now, as you sat on the carpeted floor, eating greasy pizza and drinking sugary soda.
“It’s, uh… my number.” You answer simply, lifting your sleeve, setting down that flimsy paper plate that was barely holding your pizza slice on it. Dustin is… oddly quiet for a few moments. You stopped using your powers, hadn’t in so long that you don’t even think you can anymore, and you’d just end up embarrassing yourself if you tried.
Instead he simply looks… excited, a smile spreading on his face as a sort of glow seems to appear, that lightbulb moment he told you about ages ago that you for some reason kept in mind all this time. Next thing you know, there’s a flurry of questions invading your ears, but you can hardly hear them. You just see that smile.
You’ve always liked his smile, told him so millions of times when you didn’t know any better about social situations. Does he remember that? He had to have, you said it so many times over the years it’s impossible that he forgot it.
You’ve heard of the word speechless before. Yet you’ve never experienced it, always so excited to talk about new things you learned or things you saw that day, and now is the first time you’ve ever truly been speechless. This is a pretty boy. You’ve seen handsome boys, gorgeous boys, but this boy… your boy… is something different. Something special.
So you surge forward and slam your lips against Dustin’s like you’ve seen in all those movies Max made you and El watch. He clutches at you until his hands reach your shoulders, a motion you hope is a good thing.
He yanks you away, panting and blinking at you. His lips are parted and shiny, a new sort of blush dusting the apples of his cheeks as his chest rises and falls rapidly.
“You kissed me.” He says. You truly can’t tell if it’s a statement or a question, but you nod anyways. You can’t find shame in you in this moment, only that pure raw feeling of your heart thumping that you always get around him, that you never get around anybody else, that you just know is love. A love that cannot be compared to the love you hold for Max or Lucas or Wayne or Eddie, no, this is Dustin’s love.
And this time he kisses you.
Your boy.
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ohmeadows ¡ 8 months ago
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with the experience you have now, what is something you usually do when you feel the creative block so bad that it makes you want to drop all your writing during an indeterminate period of time? (Not considering talking to someone because i don't have friends with the same interests as me)
Lately i have been writing consistently but now i am in a point between the overwhelming need to keep creating and the suffocating need to just stop. the last time this happened not a single word was written in over a year xd
oh and im so in love with your writing btw <3
thank you and i'm sorry to hear you're struggling with a creative block, i know the feeling all too well. (there's a span of years between 2013 and 2016 where i didn't write at all.)
while a little break does do good, i know the threshold to getting back to it becomes so high it feels insurmountable. but it sounds like you need to replenish the well, as i like to call it. think of your writing as a well you draw from, and it needs a steady supply of water to be able to sustain you dipping into it for the power and inspiration to keep going. feeding it involves engaging in texts in a different way. for me, that's reading, and a lot. i sometimes feel so parched i have to steamroll thru ten books before i feel like i have it balanced again.
i've made some posts beforehand on how to approach reading as a writer (wish i'd tagged them better), but it boils down to:
make lists of beautiful words and sentences that you like; could you emulate them? could you write them in your style?
how do the writers pull off the tricks you struggle with? for me this is knowing when to just move the scene along, or how to showcase that time has passed. (i did a whole study on this from my fave books and it boiled down to just writing "A day later/Weeks down the line/Three months passed before she/It didn't take more than forty-five minutes to get across town but it felt like moving backwards through time" which was fun to learn)
just reading for fun. cannot be understated. sometimes you just need to be pulled into a story and feel too dazzled to stop and think to be reminded of how delicious writing feels
and yes, this goes for mangas, comics, scripts, movies, tv shows, even game writing imo (visual novels are great fun for how they do dialogue and emotional appeal).
another thing to not lose touch with the writing as a practice but maybe take a little breather from the project is to start a journal. i like this one a lot personally, there's the concept of morning pages where you get up in the morning and write three pages without stopping or overthinking.
this leads into automatic writing, which is about setting a timer (25 mins is a good one i feel, but even 15-10-5 does wonders) and while it ticks, you have to keep writing. yes, even if all you write is the same word over and over, or your thoughts as they come to you. this is a key component exercise at all writing schools i've ever gone to. personally i like to "guide it" so to speak with a prompt, be it a word (Lust, Rose, Name, Echo) or a full sentence ("She didn't like where this was going.") or an image. what this exercise teaches you is to shorten the distance between hand putting the words down and your thoughts as they process and come to you, as well as embracing writing messy and ugly and shitty because you can always come back and fix a half-assed page, but you can't do anything with a blank one.
third and final thing: movement. go outside. look around. if you can, get moving, take in the surroundings. there's no expectation on you to write anything from this, just let the movement and your thoughts be it. whenever i hit creative rut, i go for a walk. the first half hour my brain is quiet and annoyed. then things start moving in there as well. i'll walk all the way down to the sea and look at the waves and back home and process an idea from it. (i do keep the notes app on my phone readily available for this, but a notebook or receipt or post-it notes also work fine.)
like all art, writing is a practice and the actual act of writing is maybe 20-30% of what it is. nourish the well and it will nourish you back.
+ for what it's worth, i also often try to edge in rest days where i don't write. at least two a week. be gentle and forgiving on yourself.
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babydolly444 ¡ 7 months ago
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we finally spoke again, today. i was making my way out of first period, and he was sort of just idly standing in the hallway by my classroom. it was a bit odd seeing him there. he wasn't talking to anyone. it's interesting, really, because he'd know where i am or what im doing, but then pretend to only just see me upon making eye contact. i came up to him and said that someone had told me he wasn't coming to see the play. he said something about how he has a wedding to go to this weekend, but he will try his best to come to sunday's show. we exchanged a few sentences about how i really wanted him to come, and how he had been really wanting to come. he then mentioned how he was reading the great gatsby, sort of in preparation. i asked if he finished the book, and he said he hadn't. we spoke a bit more, and then i ended the conversation to make my way to class.
i know that he comes to the library during fourth period, since he doesn't have a class then. he stays there for maybe ten minutes or so, usually. my fourth period is an independent study, so its not a big deal if i occasionally do something else during that time. i came to the library to help shelve books, and when i was finished we talked for a bit. i wished him a happy late birthday, since his birthday was over the weekend. he's 29 now. the age gap feels even bigger. he didn't ask me how i knew it was his birthday, but i think he was wondering about it.
him and i have some playful banter between us, at times. im not sure whether that is flirtation, or just playfulness. he's so aware of my youth, but i don't know what to make of it. i am no child, but at the same time, i don't want him to disregard the age difference between us. yes, the difference is there, but i want him to want me despite that.
i wanted to talk to him a bit more, but he left to go back to his classroom. another class came in to use the library, so it wasn't as quiet as it was before. i suppose that's why he left.
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