#i don't care that i am going to be paying off loans for 5-10 years it was worth every penny honestly
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sibyl-of-space · 10 months ago
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missing music school hours. i don't think there's any doubt i'm going back for a doctorate someday, i absolutely LOVED eating and breathing and shitting nothing but all kinds of deranged music. the only question is when, where, and studying what in particular
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queerautism · 3 years ago
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The last time before i got covid i was begging social services and my GP for help with my ADHD. The full assesment was taking over a year and meanwhile it was destroying my life. I was studying photography, which i adore and miss so badly, but the parents were fucking me around with financial support so i was trying to work part time and apply for working EU migrant student loan that would include not only course fees but maintenance costs (for rent / food etc)
I was starving. Going on my bike over an hour travel to the food bank and waiting for my turn in sensory hell for hours to be given some basic foods. Trying to ignore all the uncomfortable christian talk. Watching free food apps like a hawk because otherwise i wouldn't have dinner. On my bike again for 40 minutes to be given two sandwiches. I went through SSRI withdrawal cold turkey more times than i can remember when i didnt have the £10 to pay for the prescription for weeks.
Still, for a bit, i was making it work. But it was too much and i knew my brain wasn't working and i couldn't keep it up without serious help. I begged my doctor to talk to the adhd clinic about timelines. When that didnt work, i found a private ADHD service that accepted NHS referrals. She saw me sobbing in front of her and refused to even consider it. I told her i didnt want to give up my studies, my passion, but I'd be forced to if she didn't help me.
She told me my 10 minutes were up and i had to leave.
I had to drop out of university due to medical reasons, for the second time in my life. I had a part time job and managed to get a little universal credit, but i wasnt a student anymore and had no idea what i was going to do when the lease on my current student house ended. Social services had for months done nothing but force me into useless meetings and paperwork. I don't doubt being so exhausted and burnt out and barely eating lowered my immune system enough that in March 2020 I was the only one in the house to get Covid.
It was so bad I really thought i was going to die. Social services completely abandoned me at this point, just ghosted. I barely remember the entire month i was sick because it was incredibly traumatic and terrifying. I had to quit my job, of course.
My health has been in a heavy decline ever since, but since there werent any covid tests available at the time, i couldnt confirm it in paper or my health records. Even though it was a textbook case. I am now being denied care by Long Covid clinics. A GP heard my symptoms and diagnosed me with fibromyalgia over the phone, without any physical examination, even though it is a diagnosis of exclusion.
Trying to walk unassisted for 5 minutes makes my legs fail and so in pain and nauseous I'll throw up. I was throwing up every day until i was hospitalised with 'gastritis' and started being prescribed Lansoprazole. I can keep a little more food down now, but my digestive system is still a mess, and i have been waiting for a gastroenterology referral for over a year. I'm starting to doubt i got a referral at all.
This whole situation with the costochondritis and hospital and this useless social worker is reminding me too much of this era and it's so triggering and upsetting. I know the UK medical system and the government both want me dead.
I'm trying to keep fighting but it is so hard, and i am so tired.
Anyway. Mostly just wanted to get all that off my chest, and know that perhaps people who understand might read it.
Might as well leave a reminder that if you want to help me survive this hell, my paypal is here and anything you can spare is greatly appreciated. If you've enjoyed my blog over the years, chucking a couple quid in there is a great way to show appreciation.
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jamsofdeath0 · 2 years ago
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Proof qi could generate Riverdale plots, via ai generated Riverdale plots.
"Jughead's Disaster"
1. The biggest mistake I ever made was buying a house with a basement...
2. I was never really interested in anything until my senior year of high school. And then I became obsessed with becoming a lawyer.
3. I got pregnant at 17 years old! There were no abortion clinics back then, and I had to go to the only clinic in town, where they would tell me that if I didn't want to carry to term, I could have the fetus aborted.
4. After going through some tough times, I eventually decided to put myself through college, and graduated with a degree in Law Enforcement. I spent 10 years working for the police department before deciding to start my own business.
5. My first business venture was Jughead's Disaster, Inc., the world's largest and finest provider of disaster services. I hired a bunch of people who couldn't do their jobs and charged them an outrageous amount of money for doing nothing. Within 6 months, we went bankrupt.
6. The second time around, I started my own landscaping company. We did well for a while, but after a while, everything turned to shit again. So I took out loans I knew I wouldn't be able to pay off, bought a brand-new truck, and started a lawn care service.
7. That lasted about 5 minutes. When I tried to cut grass, I realized that I wasn't as good as I thought I was. Plus, our customer base kept shrinking over the course of the summer. To make matters worse, our customers kept complaining about the smell coming from our trucks.
8. In desperation, I decided to become a real estate agent, since I figured that I'd be good at selling houses. Well, I'm not great at selling houses, but I am pretty damn good at finding houses to buy. I've been looking for a house for 2 weeks now.
9. All I need is a place to sleep for the night, a bathroom, a kitchen, a job, and a nice home to live in. But I'll settle for any of those things right now.
10. If you're reading this, I'm probably still alive. I don't know what happened to that email I sent you guys. I hope you all enjoy the rest of your day.
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Jughead's fantastical day out
1. "The journey begins."
This line represents Jughead's way of starting things off. He always starts something at the beginning and finishes it off completely. When he's not thinking about his friends, he's worrying about them. So, we know where his headspace is right now. He probably got some good news, but isn't sure how to react.
2. What kind of car?
We know he loves cars. But what kind of car? Maybe he's been looking forward to driving around town with his buds on Saturday. That's pretty exciting!
3. "I've never done anything like this before. I'm nervous."
He's finally doing something he wants to do, but he's still nervous about it. That could mean that he's going to get caught. Or maybe he thinks he'll have fun without getting caught, but then again - who knows?! Jughead's just excited to go somewhere new, so he doesn't want to disappoint anyone.
4. "What if I don't like it?"
Jughead doesn't want to do things unless he likes them. If he hates it, he may run home early. But, if he does love it, he might stay longer than expected!
5. "But I'm supposed to meet my friends here..."
He knows he should be meeting his buddies, but he also wants to hangout first. We'll bet they're all worried about him, especially once they find out that he didn't show up to work.
6. "Maybe I can hang out with them later?"
If he gets bored hanging out with his friends, he'll go back home. If he really misses them, though, he might decide to stay longer.
7. "This is the last thing I need. A bad day at work."
His boss is probably mad. His coworkers are probably pissed off since they think he's messing up their plans. And his friends will definitely tell him about this later. Why is he even doing this?
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Jughead's disasters
1. A Weed Man Named Jughead
In his youth, Jughead was a member of a famous gang whose members wore blue jackets and were known by their nickname, the Blue Meanies. One day, he fell out with the gang leader, who told him to leave town. Jughead responded, "I'm going to kill you," and went home. He got drunk and shot his father dead. When police arrived at the scene, they arrested him for murder instead of being allowed to shoot him again.
Jughead's mother had been married before, and she divorced her second husband after learning about Jughead's crime. She then married a widower named Nuggety McSnooterson, who adopted two children who were also raised as members of the gang. Nuggety and his wife renamed themselves The Snoots and moved to a farm outside of town where they grew marijuana to help raise money for their adopted children's college education.
Nuggety's first harvest yielded only enough marijuana to pay off the mortgage on their house. Jughead learned about Nuggety's growing operation, and he decided to take over the business. He renamed himself Dr. Crippen (after the infamous serial killer) and began making plans to kill Nuggety and his family. Meanwhile, Nuggety's son Jack realized what was happening and tried to warn his parents, but Jughead had already poisoned them both.
Jack survived long enough to call the police, but Jughead took revenge on him too. After killing Jack, Jughead turned his attention to Nuggety's teenage daughter, Ginger. He kidnapped her and brought her back to his lair, hoping that she would witness her father's death. Unfortunately, the girl escaped and ran away from home. She eventually joined her boyfriend, a young man named Jeffy Jones, who had left school to work at the local factory.
Jeffy knew Jughead well, since they attended the same church. He was happy to see that Jughead had finally changed his ways, but the two men still did not get along. The night before Jeffy was supposed to go away to college, he came home to find Jughead waiting for him. Jeffy was forced to sit down while Jughead explained his plan to kill Nuggety. He said that he wanted to make a fresh start in life and asked Jeffy to join him in the drug trade.
Jughead offered Jeffy $10,000 if he agreed to become his partner. That night, Jeffy went to sleep on the couch, thinking that he would have plenty of time to decide whether or not to accept Jughead's offer. But when he woke up the next morning, he found himself alone. Jughead had fled without saying goodbye, leaving Jeffy to wonder just how much money he really stood to gain from the deal.
Jughead soon returned to his lair with a new partner named Sludge. Together, they planned to sell drugs to middle-class citizens in order to finance their elaborate scheme to destroy the entire community. Their first big job was to steal a shipment of cocaine from a nearby warehouse belonging to Mr. Biggs, who was a rival drug dealer.
The following day, they drove to the warehouse, where they waited until Mr. Biggs' truck pulled up. Then, they followed behind him and watched as he loaded the cocaine onto his truck. As he walked back to his office, they jumped out of their car and seized the drugs. When Mr. Biggs saw that his truck was missing, he called the police. Soon, officers from the sheriff's department surrounded the warehouse. They searched everywhere but could not find any sign of the thieves.
Later that evening, Jughead and Sludge were relaxing in their hideout when the police showed up again. They searched the premises and found some blood that had spilled onto the floor. They suspected that someone had been injured inside the building, and they rushed to investigate further.
Inside the warehouse, they discovered the bodies of Mr. Biggs and his employees. There was no sign of Jughead or Sludge anywhere. They had vanished. In fact, no trace of anyone had ever been near the site of the crime. All of the evidence pointed to the conclusion that Jughead had killed Mr. Biggs and stole his cocaine. The police arrested Jughead and charged him with murder.
When the trial date approached, Jeffy decided to testify on behalf of his friend. As he described the events of the previous night, he mentioned that he had never seen Jughead carrying a gun. He added that he had always believed in his friend's good intentions, so he could not understand why Jughead had tried to kill Nuggety (and his family). However, he admitted that he had seen the pair together many times before, and he remembered that Jughead had boasted to him about his intention to kill Nuggety so that he could inherit the family fortune.
This evidence seemed to undermine Jughead's alibi. Police searched his house and found several guns hidden under the floorboards. They charged him with double homicide and attempted theft. Jeffy testified on Jughead's behalf, explaining that he had lied about seeing the guns on purpose. He said that he had been afraid that Jughead would try to kill him if he revealed the truth.
After hearing Jeffy's testimony, the jury acquitted Jughead of all charges. He and his accomplice had managed to fool everyone, including the judge and the jury and they felt confident that they could do the same thing again.
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fantasiesandbooks · 5 years ago
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Hearts Don't  Break Round Here iii
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I don’t own any of the photos.
Prologue Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
A week has passed since Chanyeol talked with Jongin about you. After that day both boys haven’t seen nor talk with each other much due to Chanyeol’s lessons and Jongin being busy with his job or trying to ignore him. Your brother hadn’t come to meet him like most nights either and whenever Chanyeol tried to iniciate a conversation, Jongin would tell him some excuse to get away from him.
It was passed over 09:00 pm when Chanyeol was washing the dishes and you having mercy on his soul, were helping him with the drying and organizing them. You were sitting next to the table drying a plate when you turned to look at Chanyeol who gave a sigh and wiped a few drops of sweat that were running down his forehead with one of his arm’s sleeve.
“Are you tired? You have spend 10 minutes washing that sauce pan” You snorted.
“I know but there’s a lot of stains in this. What did Mrs. Patmore cooked in here?” Chanyeol complained.
“The cream that you wanted. The one with vegetables and melted cheese” You said.
“I’ll never asked for that soup again if other people has to suffer like this for cleaning it” Chanyeol stated and you laughed.
You stood up and went to have a look at what your friend was having trouble with. You stood next to him and watched that inside the sauce pan there was some parts with burned cheese stick to it.
“Ah! I will revealed some washing secrets for you now” you said and put your cloth over your shoulder.
“Put some of that soap over the sponge” you said and pointed out towards the soap bar that was on the other’s boy side near the sink. Chanyeol did what you told him to “ok. Now?” He said to you.
“Now scrub the parts where there is burned cheese and after that fill the pan with hot water” you instructed him.
Chanyeol followed the steps as you said “Now what?” He asked you.
“Put it on the counter and leave it until you finish with the other dishes” You said and went back to your chair.
“That’s it?” Chanyeol looked at you bewildered.
“Yeah. The hot water helps to soften the stain so next time you’ll scrub it, it will come off without trouble” you explained.
“You could have told me that since the beginning” Chanyeol complained.
“You didn’t tell me about the burned cheese” You countered back. Chanyeol gave you a pointed look and continued washing the rest of the dishes.
“I have thought your brother would be here but ever since I started coming down to wash the dishes I haven’t seen him” Chanyeol said after a while.
“That’s because he is still sick and Mrs. Patmore told him not to set a foot inside the kitchen until he stopped coughing”. You said.
“But he is all right?” Chanyeol asked with concern in his voice. He felt bad for not knowing that his friend was sick.
“He was feverish the first couple of days and Mr. Carson told him not to work. He is getting better so don’t worry” You explained and gave him a reassuring smile. Chanyeol nodded.
“What have you been up to?” You asked him.
“The usual. Lessons, homework, taking care of Toben” Chanyeol said smoothly. “What about you?” Chanyeol asked you since he haven’t see you as much as he would like to.-Nowadays the only time he could spend with you was at this hour.-
“Same. Helping in the kitchen, helping at home, doing some errands, taking care of Toben when you are not around, reading and kneading some things I want to have ready before the holidays” you said calmly.
“Seems like you are very busy.” Chanyeol said.
“Indeed I am” you confirmed.
“Thanks for taking care of Toben” Chanyeol said.
“No problem. He’s so cute” You said and smiled at him.
”He is also a little rebel. I have taught him not to bite my notebooks and yet he still does it” Chanyeol said seriously and you chuckled.
“Well didn’t you say he is just like his owner?” you said amusingly and lifted a brow at him.
“Maybe he is not entirely like me” Chanyeol said.
“Sure he is” you laughed.
Chanyeol finished with the washing and took a seat in front of you so he could started drying the remaining plates.
“So...” Chanyeol clear his throat “you haven’t seen your other friends lately? Jongdae, Kate, Junmyeon” Chanyeol asked you, trying to sound smooth.
“Not really. I saw Kate last week at the market and I saw Junmyeon while I was exiting the haberdashery a couple of days ago but he was in a rush so we just greeted each other and he went away”. You explained nonchalantly.
“I see” Chanyeol said and focused his attention to the plate he was holding in his hands. You remembered the conversation you had with Kate about Chanyeol about he becoming a doctor and he liking you but you pushed that last thought on the back of your mind and asked him “Yeol?”. The boy hummed in response.
“Do you really want to become a doctor?” You asked him curiously.
Chanyeol settled the plate on the pile and frowned at you. “Why are you asking me that?” Chanyeol asked you.
“It’s just that the other day I thought about it and I realized that I haven’t asked you that. You take all this lessons and read books about science and medicine but since we were kids you have always enjoyed doing things regarding music and being outside in the fields. Don’t you want to be a musician or an agriculturist?” You asked him.
Chanyeol sighed heavily “I have thought about that countless times too. I would love to play the piano and give concerts all around the world but my father is against it. He would disinherited or murder me before that happens”.
You look at him baffled. You knew his father was strict but not to that extent “But he likes to go to concerts and he plays the piano too. I have seen him. Why wouldn’t he allow you that if that’s your dream?” You asked him. “Because he thinks music is only worthy as a hobby. Yes we go to concerts and yes he plays instruments too but he thinks that a good man should focused on taking care of his name, his business and provide for his family. In our family all the men have always taken care of the businesses. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be stuck in an office, signing papers and checking accounting books until I die. It was either that or becoming a doctor. I choose the last one because at least that way I can help people”. Chanyeol explained with sadness in his features.
“But you haven’t talked thoroughly to your parents about this?” You asked him.
“My dad wouldn’t listen and my mom... she is scared that If I pursue a life as an artist, my father would never talk to me again and I will starve and struggle without the family’s money” Chanyeol sneered, there was bitterness in his voice. You leaned over a little bit and put your hand over his arm to squeezed it gently.
“I’m sorry Chan. I wished I could do something to help you” you said sincerely.
“It’s ok. I want to think that maybe It won’t be that bad. I mean, I will still get to play in my free time” He said and gave you a side smile but you could see that behind it there was sadness and resignation.
“What about you? What do you want to be?” Chanyeol asked out of the blue.
“Mmm... I haven’t thought about that” you admitted “Maybe one of the first maids?” You said doubtfully. “Although I prefer cooking that cleaning around the house if I’m honest but I don’t think Mrs. Patmore would leave her job ever”. Chanyeol chuckled at your last statement while shaking his head “No. I mean what do you want to do?”. “Well, in a perfect world in which I would get to do whatever I want and be whoever I want... I would love to be a writer. You know like the ones who write novels or tales”. You said with a sad smile. Chanyeol noticed that and couldn’t help feeling bad for you -He knew you liked writing since a few years a ago. When you, Jongin and him were younger and Nana read to you all, you would always volunteered to make the characters voices and everyone in your family encouraged you to write your own stories just to keep you busy in the afternoons after school.-
“Do you still write?” The tall boy asked you quietly.
“Not as much as before” You let out a sigh.
“Is there a reason for it?” Chanyeol said quizzically.
“Life I guess, obligations...” you said and looked at your hands “I just don’t feel like it these days. I feel too tired and as soon as my back hits the bed, the only thing I want to do is sleep and there are times when I feel bad about it because I promised myself that I wouldn’t let my dream die but it’s like it is fading away slowly”. You said frustrated.
Chanyeol looked at you. He wanted to hug you but in his mind he was debating whether if it was inappropriate or not for him to do so. “And you haven’t consider taking lessons about it?” He asked. - although you and your brother went to school like every other kid, there was a huge difference between the public schools and the private ones like the one Chanyeol attended to. In yours, people would learn only the basic subjects like vocabulary, maths, grammar, reading, spelling. In Chanyeol’s school there were that subjects too and also others like science, economics, drawing, painting, writing and a lot more-.
“Of course but they are too expensive and right now I can’t afford it.” You explained.
“If you really want it it I can pay for it”. Chanyeol suggested.
You looked at him baffled “It’s very kind of you Yeol but I can’t accept it” You said.
“Why not? I have some money saved but I’m sure it’s enough for a writing lesson. Besides, it’s not like I would needed it for something important” Chanyeol said nonchalantly.
 “If you are saving money it’s because you want to spend it in something that it’s important for you” you pointed out.
You are important for me he thought.
“I’m telling you I’m not. I’m not even asking you to give it back” Chanyeol said.
“No but even like that I would still feel the burden of a debt” You said.
“That’s nonsense” Chanyeol lifted a brow at you.
“It’s the way I feel it” You explained awkwardly.
“Well then see it as a loan and you’ll pay me when you have the money” Chanyeol said annoyed. “No, thank you” you said firmly “I appreciate the gesture but I want to pay it for myself. I would feel better about it”.
“You are impossible” Chanyeol rolled his eyes at you “but you’re welcome”. You smiled at him “thank you for understanding”. Chanyeol smiled you back. In that moment you felt your heart skip a beat and quickly averted your gaze to other place in the room.
“I finished with this pile” you announced and stood up to put the plates in the cabinet.
“I finished with these too” Chanyeol said.
“That ones put them over there” You said and gestured towards another cabinet at the other corner. When you finished with the kitchen cleaning you two high five each other.
“I’m going to bed now, I’m exhausted and tomorrow I have to go to school” Chanyeol said and yawned.
“I have to wake up early too” you said. Both of you took off your aprons and hung them.
“Thanks for helping me” Chanyeol smiled at you.
“You’re welcome Mr. Park” you said jokingly and Chanyeol groaned at that.
“Don’t. I don’t like it when you or Jongin call me like that” Chanyeol stated.
You laughed at him “I know. Good night Yeol” you said as you were walking to the back door that let you to the employees houses.
“Good night y/n” He said and headed towards his room.
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Chanyeol was on his science lesson, bored as ever looking out the window. It was a sunny day but you could felt the chilly air already. It was his last lesson of the day and he had been wishing for it to be finished as soon as it started. His school’s friend Baekhyun nudged him so he returned his attention to the teacher.
“Focus mate. These is the last class before the exam. If you don’t get it then I won’t have any one that could explain me later” The brown haired boy said quietly.
“This is so boring” Chanyeol said in the same voice.
Baekhyun nodded “Hey. Look at this” The boy whispered and showed Chanyeol a drawing of Mr. Kim with his grumpy face and fake toupee pointing at the chalkboard. Chanyeol chuckled at the lousy portrait of his teacher.
“You missed his thick mustache”. Chanyeol pointed out.
“If you are really that picky then draw it yourself” Baekhyun said to him. Chanyeol looked thoughtfully at the man in front of the classroom and started drawing.  His skills were not better than his friend’s but still you could tell it was his professor due to his peculiar features. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were so focus in the drawing that they didn’t notice a figure hovering above them until someone cleaned his throat.
“What do we have here?” Mr. Kim said in his raspy voice.
Chanyeol and Baekhyun looked at each other in shock and turned to look at his professor. The man had a stern face when he lower his gaze towards both boys notebooks. “Seems like you two gentlemen like your drawing lessons so much” Mr. Kim said with a quizzical look.
“We...” Baekhyun started saying but the man cut him off.
“The rest of you keep doing the exercises on the board. I’m gonna take Mr. Park and Mr. Byun to the Principal’s office. When I get back I want all of these finished”. Mr. Kim said to the rest of the class and walked to the classroom’s entrance.
“Come on gentleman. Don’t waste any more of my time” The man urged them and motioned Chanyeol and Baekhyun to followed him.
“We are screwed” Baekhyun muttered to Chanyeol as both of them were raising from their desk.
 Chanyeol was walking through the manor’s entrance. He was walking slowly trying to delate his arrival as long as possible since he didn’t know how he would tell his mother that he had gotten a report and 2 days in detention. Surely her mom was going to lecture him but he was more fearful about his dad finding out about it. Your grandma was entering the house with a bag full of bread and other stuff. She was having trouble with finding her keys. Chanyeol looked at her and rushed towards her.
“Nana” Chanyeol said. “Do you want some help with that?”.
“Oh Mr. Chanyeol. It’s not that heavy. It’s just that I’m looking for my keys but I can find them” She said as she was rummaging on her purse with one hand.
“Give me the bag” Chanyeol said as he was basically taking it out of her hands “Now you can look for them better”.
“Ah! Here they are” The old lady said relieved. She opened the door and went inside followed by Chanyeol.
Mr. Carson was walking around the house when he saw the two of them approached.
“Good afternoon Mrs. Y/l/n. Mr. Park. Do you need some help with that?” Mr. Carson greeted them. “Could you please take the bag to the kitchen Mr. Carson? Mrs. Patmore asked for this ingredients for tonight’s dinner but first I have to check on Mr. Park”. Your grandma told the man.
“I’ll give this to Mrs. Patmore then” Mr. Carson said as he took the bag from Chanyeol.
“Excuse me” The man said and went away.
Chanyeol got lost at the figure of the man walking away.
“Mr. Chanyeol” Your grandma said and the boy shook his head to clear his mind and returned his attention towards the old lady.
“Yes Nana” he said.
“Let’s go to your room so you can change your clothes”. Chanyeol nodded and went up the stairs alongside with your grandma. 
“How was school today?” The old woman asked him.
“Uh... good”. Chanyeol said trying to sound as smooth as he could be.
When they reached the second floor your nana sighed “What did you do?”.
“I didn’t do anything. What makes you think that?” Chanyeol asked baffled.
“My boy. I have known you since the first time you open your eyes in this world. You have the same expression of remorse that the one you had when you were 5 and used your mother’s lipsticks to draw on the wall” Your nana explained.
Chanyeol sighed heavily “If I tell you would you promise not to tell my parents about it?” Chanyeol asked her. Your grandma looked at him quizzically but nodded at the end.
Chanyeol looked around in search that no one was around “I got a report and two days in detention” he said regretfully.
“A report?. For what?” Your grandma asked him surprised.
“My science teacher caught me and other friend drawing him” Chanyeol confessed. Your nana sighed.
“And now I don’t want to tell my mother about it because she wil tell my father and both are going to lecture and punish me” Chanyeol said sadly.
Your grandma sighed “Good heavens boy. One day you and my grandchildren are going to kill me”.
“I’m sorry Nana”. Chanyeol said with his head down. You grandma decided to help him at seen his troubled face.
“Let’s go to your room and you will hand me the report”. Nana said and started walking. Chanyeol frowned at her not understanding her request but followed her either way.
Once the two of them went inside his room your Nana closed the door and put the lock on it.
“Now, what you did was very inappropriate and unkind. You shouldn’t mock on anybody else’s appearance” Your grandma said firmly.
“I know and I’m sorry” Chanyeol said regretfully.
“I’m going to help you for this one time only ” Your nana said and went to take a seat in front of Chanyeol’s desk.
“Give me your report, a pen and a blank sheet” The old lady told him.
Chanyeol rummaged through his backpack and took out the things your grandma told him.
“Here they are” He said and went to handed them to her. Nana took them and put the report aside.  She took the blank sheet and started to scribble something on it. Chanyeol was looking above her shoulder and his eyes got rounded as plates once he realized what she was writing.
“Nana, are you going to forge my mother's signature?” Chanyeol asked bewildered.
“Is either this or giving her the report card” Your Nana looked at him.
“I don’t want to give it to her” Chanyeol said.
“Then be quiet and let me concentrate on this” Nana said to him, returning her gaze to the paper in which she was practicing the signature. Chanyeol pursed his lips and let her continue. After 10 attempts your Nana signed the report and gave it to Chanyeol. The boy looked at it and he was baffled. The signature was exactly like his mother’s. Every curve and dots traced perfectly. If he hadn't seen his Nana doing it, he wouldn’t believed she was the one that signed it and not his mother.
“It’s exactly like hers.“ Chanyeol said astonished. “Awesome”. He whispered.
You nana sighed “Tear or burn this sheet. Nobody can find out” Chanyeol nodded eagerly.
“Nana are you like an agent undercover or a former criminal?. I mean you gamble, you know how to do this.” Chanyeol said and waved the report card. “What else do you know?”.
Your nana laughed at his imagination. “I’m not either one of those. I just... know a few stuff”. She said proudly.
“Can you teach me?” Chanyeol asked him excitedly.
“No”. Your Nana said seriously and the boy’s smile flattered. 
“This was a one time only remember that. Doing this is wrong.” She explained.
“What about the gambling?” Chanyeol asked him.
“That I can do” She smirked at him and he looked at her again with excitement in his eyes.  “But your parents can’t know about it.” Nana pointed a finger at him. “Of course. It will be our secret” Chanyeol said solemnly.
“Thank you thank you thank you Nana. If I could I would marry you” Chanyeol said and gave her a big hug. Your Nana chuckled at his words “Now now” she said and tapped his arms for him to release her “I already have a husband and although he is dead, he is my only love till this day”. Chanyeol let go of her and smiled widely at the old woman.
“What am I going to do with you boy?” She asked rhetorically “At least I think that out of the three of you, you are the calmest”.
“I have thought y/n was the calmest” Chanyeol said.
“That girl used to play with candles and burned part of my favorite tablecloth when she was 7 and Jongin tried to make a bonfire in the living room when he was 9. Thank God his mother was in the house when she noticed the smoke” Your grandma said and shook his head at those memories.
Chanyeol laughted “I didn’t know that stories”. 
“I have plenty of those but now I have to check that everything is fine in the kitchen” Your grandma said as she was exiting the room.
“Don’t forget to be there at 07:30 pm. You know your father gets grumpy if he is hungry”. She said.
“Yes ma’am” Chanyeol said loudly. She looked amused at the tall boy one last time and closed the door.
 You were sitting on a branch, looking at the corn fields while eating an apple. You were on your break before dinner and decided to climb up there so anyone could find you or that’s what you had expected.
“What are you doing up there?” Chanyeol yelled at you.  And that’s how my peaceful time comes to an end you thought 
You looked down and saw Chanyeol scrunching his nose at you.
“Nothing” you yelled back as you bit your apple.
“Come down” Chanyeol said to you.
“No” you answered.
“Then I’m going up” Chanyeol said firmly and started climbing the tree.
You looked at him amused while he was groaning on his way up.
“Move over” He said and you moved a little so he could sat next to you.
“Apple?” You muffled and extended it towards him.
He took it an bit it “thank you” he muffled and gave it back to you.
“Sure”. You said.
“Why are you here?” Chanyeol asked you.
“I wanted to be alone for a while” you said nonchalantly.
“There are a million places to be alone here and you choose the top of a tree?” Chanyeol sneered at you.
“Look at the view” You indicated.
It was a beautiful view. On one side there was the manor and the enormous garden with its autumn colors. On the other side there were the fields with its brown-greenish colors.
“It’s pretty” Chanyeol admitted.
“I like to come up here from time to time” You said.
“Oh. So this is like your spot?” Chanyeol said curiously.
“I have many spots” you said amused.
“Anyway. How was school?” you asked him.
“I got a report and 2 days in detention for making a drawing of my science professor”. Chanyeol said.
“Was it a good drawing at least?” you asked him.
“His mustache looked better on my drawing. Seriously, I have never seen someone with such a thick mustache as his. It has to be fake like his hair” Chanyeol said and you laughed.
“Does your mother already knows about it?” You asked him.
“Nope. Nana helped me with the report” Chanyeol bragged.
“She signed it, didn't she?” You said amused.
“Yes. But how do you know that?” The tall boy asked surprised.
“She did it when I got one too. Same with Jongin” you explained.
“Why Am I the last one to find out this stuff about Nana?” Chanyeol said annoyed.
“Because you are a good boy” you cooed and pinched his cheek.
“Stop it” Chanyeol said and smacked your hand away. You laughed at his grumpy face.
“At least I didn’t burn her tablecloth” Chanyeol said.
“She told you about that?” You chuckled at memory. “It was an accident though”.
“So you say” Chanyeol said. “I didn’t know I have pyromaniac friends”.
“Some things are better to keep them to ourselves” you said and he laughed.
You two went quiet after that for a little bit, you gaze at the farmers, your father was putting the last basket with pumpkins on the cart. Chanyeol turned to look at you; you were wearing trousers, which was very uncommon for girls in this time, a white shirt and your hair was loose with a ribbon on top of your head. - Even there were times in which you would look like a boy due to you garments Chanyeol will found you beautiful-. He shook his head to came back to the present.
“I still don’t get why you use your brother’s clothes” Chanyeol said weirded out.
“Would you like me to climb up here with a skirt so everyone who passes by could take a look at my legs and undergarments?” You asked sarcastically.
“No” Chanyeol said. For a moment his mind imagined that scenario and he blushed. You sneered at his reaction “These are more comfortable for running and climbing. Besides it’s not like I’m planning to charm a guy dressed like this” You said nonchalantly.
“With that I’m sure you wouldn’t” Chanyeol said mockingly and you smacked his arm.
“So...” Chanyeol said “Have you been doing anything interesting this afternoon?”.
“I was reading in the library before I came here”. You said.
“What are you reading now?” Chanyeol asked you.
“Little women” you said excitedly “And I’m loving it so far. Have you read it it?”.
“No” Chanyeol said. “I didn’t even know that one was in the library”.
“You must read it then. After I finish it of course” You said “I’m in love with Laurie”.
Chanyeol looked at you with surprise and concern “Are you in love with a woman?”. This can’t be true Chanyeol thought.
“No. Laurie is the main male character. His real name is Theodore” you laughed.
“Thank God”. Chanyeol said relieved.
“But even if it was a girl, why does it matter? A person should love whoever they want regardless of their gender, doesn’t it?” You asked him and Chanyeol look at you surprised.
After a moment of meditation Chanyeol answered you “True. But it’s also true that it does matter. People will judge and there are ones that think that’s sinful too”
“Well the way I see it people don’t get to choose who they love. Our hearts are the ones that make that decision for us and we can only follow them and be happy or ignore them and be miserable about it” You said. Your words went deep into Chanyeol’s mind. Although he wanted to tell you about his feelings for you so badly, It wasn’t that simple since he thought there were many factors that prevented him from it like your guys positions, Jongin’s feelings regarding that topic and if he was being honest with himself, sometimes there was this fear of you not reciprocating his feelings. In a way, you being oblivious of them was the thing that kept his heart hopeful but if you didn’t want him the way he wanted you, well that will crushed him.
“Chanyeol, are you ok?” You asked him, snapping him out of his thoughts.
“Yeah” he said quickly.
“You just zoned out” you pointed out.
“I’m sorry” Chanyeol said.
“It’s ok but don’t you agree with that?” You asked him.
Chanyeol looked at you “I... do”.
You gave an intake of breath. “Well, it’s time for us to get down of here”. You said.
“Yes” Chanyeol said and started climbing down.
Once his feet reached the floor he dust off the dirt from his hands and his shoes. He was dusting off the low part of his trousers when he saw your feet in front of him and a red droplet hitting the floor. He looked at it weirded out when another droplet landed next to the other one.  He heard you grunting “what...?” He stood up straight and looked at you in concern. A trail of blood was coming from your hand due to a big splinter that must have buried in it while you were climbing down.
“You are bleeding” Chanyeol said matter of factly. You grimaced in pain, trying to removed the splinter with your good hand but failing miserably. 
“Ahg... I can’t pull it out” You complained.
“We need to wash your hand first so it won’t get infected” Chanyeol said and grabbed your arm gently for you to follow him.
You arrived at the river that was located a few feet away from the fields. You put your hands inside of it. Letting the water take away the dirt and blood from them. Chanyeol washed his hands too and grabbed your hand with the splinter in it. “I’m going to try in pulling it out. It might hurt” Chanyeol said as blood was starting to come out from the wound. “Do it quick please” You said. Chanyeol focused his attention on your hand. Hearing you grunting every once in a while due to the pain.  All this long you were looking at his face. He was focus in the task and although you knew he would have to pinch the skin for the splinter to go out, he was moving your hand gently. Even like this he looks handsome you thought but the pain brought back your attention to your hand.
“Done” He announced triumphantly. He threw the splinter away and put your hand in the river again to wash away the last trails of blood from it. 
He took his handkerchief out of his pocket and wrapped it up around your hand.  He looked at you and saw your watery eyes and a tear slipping down. He cupped your cheek softly, wiped off the tear with his thumb and gave you a little smile.
“You are ok now” He said. 
The sun's rays cast over his figure and face giving him a magical appearance. He is beautiful you thought and gulped. You looked at him in wonder and feeling his thumb slowly caressing your cheek made you lower down your gaze in embarrassment.
“Thank you” you said.
“Anytime” Chanyeol said and stood up. He offered you his hand to gave you a lift. You took it and stood up.
“I have thought you would be tougher with handling the pain” Chanyeol said jokingly and you pushed him slightly.
“I’ll tell you that next time you get injured” you said and Chanyeol laughed.
You were almost at the stairs that let you to the kitchen’s back door when you touched Chanyeol’s arm gently to stop him.
“Yeol” You said and the boy looked at you.
“Could you help me braid my hair? I still have to finish some things in the kitchen and I can't get in with my hair like this” you asked him.
There was hesitation in Chanyeol’s features “I would but I don’t know how to do braids” The boy said awkwardly.
“It’s easy” you said as took off your ribbon and hold it in your injured hand. You grab your hair with the good one and parted it in three sections “you have to take it like this and then you have to intertwined the right section with the center and then the left one with the center”. You explained. “Ok” The tall boy said hesitantly. He went to stood behind you and grabbed your hair.
“But if it’s not ok, don’t complain about it” He said you.
“Ok” you said amused. At first Chanyeol thought it was kind of confusing to intertwined the sections.
“No... wait. I think I’ve messed it up. How do you girls do this?” He said.
“Just like I have told you. It’s the easiest braid. Think you crisscross one hand and then the other” You said. He did it again. He saw that the braid was forming properly this time and felt happy because he was doing it right.
It’s so soft Chanyeol thought and sniffled the shampoo’s essence. It must be a new one since he didn’t recognize the smell
“I have finished” Chanyeol announced.
You passed him the ribbon “Now tie the ribbon to the end so the braid don’t get loose” you said. He took it with one hand and wrapped it around the end on the braid. He made a bow and pull it tightly.
“Done” he said pleased with himself.
You turned around and smiled widely at him “thanks”. 
“Sure” the tall boy said and smiled shyly.
“Due to your kindness I will ask Nana to help me with making your favorite dessert” you announced. Chanyeol’s eyes lighted up “That would be awesome”.
“Let’s go inside” you said and climbed the stairs with him by your side.
 Once you finished your duties in the kitchen and said goodbye to Chanyeol, you went to your house and paid a visit to your brother.
You knocked on the door “Jong it’s me. Can I come in?”.
“Yes” you heard through the door. You opened it and saw Jongin with his pajamas, sitting on bed near his nightstand. He was reading a book but he put it aside once you came inside.
“How was your day?” You asked him.
“Tiring” he coughed. “Yours?”
“Same” you said. Jongin looked at your hand. -Your mom have taken care of it in the kitchen and now was wrapped up with a bandage.-
“What happened to you?” He asked with little concern on his features.
“A big splinter got inside the palm of my hand while I was climbing down a tree” you explained. Jongin shook his head in disapproval.
“I’ve told you to stop climbing trees. This was a minor thing but what if you fall and break something?” Your brother said sternly.
“Ok don’t be so dramatic. That didn’t happen and Chanyeol was with me so if I had fallen, he would have pick me up” You said to him and went to sit by his side “I promise I’ll be more careful”. Jongin shook his head at you but said nothing.
“He was in the kitchen too. He asked for you. Wanted to know if your were busy and if you were feeling better from your cold” You said.
“And what did you tell him?” Jongin asked intrigued.
“That you are better now and you still can’t go inside the kitchen” You said nonchalantly. Your brother hummed and you looked at him weirded out.
“Nini there’s something you are not telling me” You said and looked at him straight in the eyes.
Jongin sneered “You are insane. Of course there’s not” he said dismissively.
“Then why haven’t you looked for him like any other night?” You asked him and crossed your arms above your chest.
“I’m still sick” Jongin said and stood up to put his book on his desk near his window.
“You are not that sick and that hasn’t stopped you before when it comes to hang out with Chanyeol” You pointed out.
Jongin sighed heavily “Y/n there’s nothing going on. I have had a very rough week. I’m still sick and that doesn’t prevent me from doing all of my duties. Chanyeol have a life and I have a life too. There’s nothing wrong if we don’t see each other for a week. It’s not like we are not going to see each other again. We work in his house. For his family” Jongin said seriously. Although part of what he had said is true, he has been avoiding his friend in case the tall boy wanted to talk about you again or try to talk him into the idea that it was good for you and him to be a couple. -He knew Chanyeol was a good boy and if he would ever had to hand you over to another man, he would have like that man would be his best friend but truth was that this world was cruel and people will tear you apart with their criticism and judgments. He wanted to protect you and Chanyeol too because even if his friend didn’t mind other people’s opinions regarding you two, he would get concern about his parents opinions.- After scanning his face in search of any trail that would give him away you just nodded.
“Ok then” you said and decided to got to your room.
“Y/n” he said as you were getting up from his bed, you looked at him.
“I want to talk to you about something” He said and grabbed his chair to put it in front of you.
“About?” You asked him.
“Have you ever liked someone?” He asked you.
“Of course” you said and rolled your eyes at him “There are a lot of actors and musicians that I like”.
“I mean people that you know” He said and gave you a tired look.
“Oh. Yes” you said nonchalantly.
“Do I know him?” He said inquisitively.
“Ah... yes but I won’t tell you his name” You said and he looked at you surprised.
“Is it Chanyeol?” Jongin asked hesitantly. You were taken aback by the question. Maybe a few days ago you could have said to him no immediately but now you weren’t that sure. You liked Junmyeon because he has some of the traits you look for in boy and because he had the same status as you, you could be together easily. But the past few days and spending more time with Chanyeol at night has made you realized that you were starting to look at him more as a boy and not a friend which made you  afraid of that, specially since feelings like fondness were increasing with each day.
“I... no” You said and released a breath you were holding. Jongin looked at you and although he heard what he want it, in your face he could see you were not that confident of your answer. Nevertheless he decided not to dig into the matter. 
“Ok” he sighed. “You don’t need to tell me his name. I just... You understand that even if you like Chanyeol or someone like him. A rich man. You couldn’t be with him. Right?”.
“I know what you are going to say to me. About being raised and growing up differently and that other people will judge me because they always go against women first. I get it but as I come to think about it with each day that passes by, I find myself not caring about that. At least not as much as before” you told him honestly. He looked at you astonished.
“Maybe I’m foolish or I have read to many books” you sneered “but I just want to be with a good man”. You smiled slightly at your brother.
“You are saying this now because you are not in that situation” Jongin countered back.
“Yes but I think if I ever find myself in that... I could endure it If I really love that man and he loves me back the same way” you said.
“I don’t want you to get hurt though” Jongin said quietly and you put a hand over his knee. “I know and I don’t want to see you get hurt too but that decision is up to me. As you said, I have a life too and there are some choices that I have to take on my own” you smiled at him. Jongin snorted “You can’t use my words against me”.
“I just did bro” You said playfully and he pinched your cheek.
You rubbed your cheek “Besides. If I ever do that and I’m wrong about it, you will get to tell me I told you so” you joked.
“I hope it doesn’t come to that” Jongin said.
You looked at each other for a moment.“Alright I’m going to bed” you said and gave him a kiss on the cheek as you stood up.
“Good night bugsy” Jongin called you by your nickname.
“Night Nini” you smiled at him and closed the door after you.
Jongin went to bed and thought about your conversation before he felt asleep.
I really hope she knows what she’s doing he thought before stepping into dreamland.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday came along and after classes Chanyeol and Baekhyu were walking towards the detention’s classroom.
“Man this sucks. It’s Friday and we have to be stuck here two more hours” Baekhyun complained “At least the punishment should have started on Monday”.
“I know” Chanyeol sighed.
“Hey, do you want to go to my house after this?. My parents left to the city because they had some business to do and I don’t want to get dinner alone” Baekhyun said.
“Uh... sorry but I can’t. Today my grandma is coming to have dinner and my dad want us there” Chanyeol said awkwardly. He felt bad at seen the excitement on his friend’s face lighting off.
“Oh, ok then. No problem” Baekhyun said nonchalantly.
“But you can come to my house. Surely there would be some friends of my parents and I don’t want to be alone in their adults talk” Chanyeol said and Baekhyun face lighted up again.
“Sweet. I will tell Joseph about it after detention. Thanks mate” Baekhyun said enthusiastically.
“Sure. Who’s Joseph by the way?” Chanyeol asked intrigued.
“My family’s driver” Baekhyun explained.
“And you call him by his name?” Chanyeol asked him surprised.
“Of course! I don’t like to call the staff by Mr. or Mrs., it’s not like they are strangers. Some on them have more time with the family than myself. My mother doesn’t like it but when she’s not around I call them by their names” Baekhyun explained, pleased with himself.
“You don’t do that?” Baekhyun asked him.
Chanyeol thought immediately about you and Jongin and a smile crept on his lips “Yeah... but only with the people around my age or the ones that don’t feel uncomfortable for it” Chanyeol explained. The two boys had reach the detention entrance and looked at the door.
“Ready?” Chanyeol asked him as he touched the doorknob.
Baekhyun gave a sigh “Open it”. Chanyeol opened the door and both of them went inside the classroom.
 Baekhyun and Chanyeol arrived at the manor. Both boys were starving and wishing to arrive at the dining room and stuffed their empty stomachs. “Good afternoon Mr. Park” Mr. Carson said as he saw the two boys entering the house. “Good afternoon Carson. This is my friend Baekhyun, he’s staying over for dinner” Chanyeol said politely.
“Good afternoon Sir. It’s a pleasure to meet you” Mr. Carson said to Baekhyun.
“Likewise Mr. Carson” Baekhyun said politely.
“Where is my Nana?” Chanyeol asked the old man.
“She’s in the dining room waiting for you Sir. I’ll tell Emy to get ready another meal” Mr. Carson said 
“Thank you Carson. We are starving”Chanyeol said 
“If you excuse me” The old man said and exited the room. Baekhyun was looking around, taking in the interior of the house.
“Wow, your house is bigger than mine” Baekhyun said to the tall boy.
“Come on. I’ll introduce you to my Nana” Chanyeol said excitedly and motioned the other boy to follow him.
 “Nana” Chanyeol said excitedly as the older woman was sitting at the table kneading.
“Ah Mr. Chanyeol. I was starting to get worried” Your grandma said and she looked at him.
“I was at school” Chanyeol said. “In detention” he whispered.
“Ah right. I had forgotten about it” She said.
“And who is this young man?” Your grandma said and smiled at Baekhyun.
“I’m Baekhyun Byun. It’s a pleasure to meet you Mrs...” Baekhyun trailed off as he realized he didn’t know her last name.
“ Mrs. Y/L/N” Chanyeol said.
“ Mrs. Y/L/N” Baekhyun repeated and smiled at her.
“He’s a friend from school Nana” Chanyeol explained.
“Oh. In that case you can call me nana too if you like young man” Your grandma offered.
“Wonderful” Baekhyun smiled widely. “I had a Nanny when I was younger but she was a grumpy lady” He said bitterly.
“I’m sorry to hear that” your grandma said.
“It’s ok. Probably she’s preparing to fly around on her broom by this time of the year” Baekhyun said and your grandma laughed.
“You are as witty as handsome Mr. Baekhyun” Your Nana said amused.
“I have the feeling that you and I are going to get along very well Nana” Baekhyun said mischievously. Your Nana shook her head in amusement and Chanyeol did the same.
“I’ll go to check on your food boys” The old lady said and went to the kitchen.
“I liked her. She’s a lovable old lady” Baekhyun said.
“She is. But she’s tougher too if she needs it” Chanyeol said with a smile on his face.
 You were in the garden reading when you heard Chanyeol calling you. You turned around and saw you him coming down the stairs with another boy. You raised up, dust off your skirt and took your book from the ground.
“Hi Y/n” Chanyeol breathed.
“Hey” You said and smiled at him and his companion.
“What were you doing?” Chanyeol asked you.
“Reading.” you showed him the book. “I’m sorry but who’s that?”
“Oh sorry, this is Baekhyun. A friend from school” Chanyeol said and gestured at the boy. You smiled at him and make a little bow.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you Sir” You said.
“Please call me Baekhyun” The boy said and took your hand to kiss it gently.
“And the pleasure it’s mine, lady” He said and smiled at you. You looked at him surprised and Chanyeol was frowning at him.
“Ok” you said as you pull your hand slightly backwards.
“May I call you by your name?” The boy asked you.
“Sure” You said nonchalantly.
“Thank you Y/n. You see I...” Baekhyun was saying when Chanyeol cut him off.
“Ok now that we got the introductions over. Would you like to come and play cards with us?” Chanyeol said and smiled at you.
“I would love too but unfortunately my break is almost over and I have to help for tonight’s dinner. Mrs. Patmore wants everyone in the kitchen and If I don’t show up in time, she will cut my head off and serve it for the main course.” you said.
“Oh, ok. Well I’ll see you after dinner” Chanyeol said.
“The game will not be the same without you” Baekhyun said sadly and his friend looked at him weirded out.
“You bet It won’t. I would have won you guys” you said confidently.
“But another day I will play with you gladly” you said.
“I’ll look forward to it” Baekhyun said and smiled at you.
“If you’ll excuse me” you smiled and walked away towards the manor.
Chanyeol and Baekhyun turned around to see you walking away. Chanyeol was hoping to spend a little bit of time with you before dinner but at least he will get to see you after it. He looked at his friend and saw him still looking at you. “What was that crap about? The game will not be the same without you“ Chanyeol nudged Baekhyun and imitated his voice.
“Ouch!” The shorter boy exclaimed “I was trying to be polite”.
“You’re weird” Chanyeol said.
“Why didn’t you tell there was such a pretty girl working at your house? Baekhyun complained “Are there more like her?”.
“Because the employee’s appearance is not something I usually talk about to anybody” Chanyeol said annoyed.
“Well this one in particular you should have mentioned it” Baekhyun said. Chanyeol was getting mad at his friend. He had just seen you once and he already wanted to woo you.  The tall boy could recognize the mischievous look on his friend’s eyes. Baekhyun could be lazy for school but when it came to something he really want it, he would put his everything to get it. What he was missing though, was the fact that Chanyeol had known you for a longer time and  that he loved you.
“Don’t even think about it” Chanyeol warned his friend.
“Why not?” Baekhyun frowned at him.
“She already likes someone” Chanyeol said confidently.
“That’s because she hadn’t met me” Baekhyun said cockily and Chanyeol rolled his eyes at him.
The tall boy started to walk towards the house and Baekhyun followed him.
“Hey! Can I come to your house more often?” Baekhyun asked him excitedly.
“No” Chanyeol said grumpily.
With this Chanyeol was more sure that he loved you.
Thank you for the support and the love. I hope you like this new series and enjoy this chapter. I’ll try to come up with the next one as soon as possible. Also If you have any comments regarding this chapter  feel free to send me a message. I think it would help me a lot.^^
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pal-yername · 2 years ago
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really really angry because after doing the math, with half my student loans now paid off (i wanted to get ahead of them before they started accruing interest, especially the one from just before covid), a person making minimum wage working full time would STILL be paying like 10% of their monthly income after taxes and benefits (assuming they even fucking got any) on minimum student loan payments. for LESS THAN HALF of my loans. all under the reduced covid interest rate. all stafford. i went to a community college for my associate's and a state school as a commuter (for like a month, then it was remote, lol) for my bachelor's which is how they tell you to go to college affordably and responsibly, and was fortunate enough to have my first year and a half of community college paid for through a trust fund left to me by my grandfather. i had in state tuition and was receiving pell grants and state grants (as i was old enough to not have to include my parents' income on my fafsa at the time). and with all that, a person making the federal minimum wage would still be expected to pay almost $80/month on student loan payments on a TWENTY YEAR repayment plan. there are income based repayment plans, sure, but then you're paying so little that you're likely getting outpaced by the interest and are accruing MORE debt in spite of your payments, likely being in debt until you fucking die just because you went to fucking college. and literal high schoolers are scoffed at because they should know what they're getting into, as if they haven't had "you need to go to college to be successful, that is simply what you do out of high school" drilled into their brains from age 5. as if most scholarships aren't dependent on you entering college right out of high school. you have to start planning for that shit at sixteen years old. and the tests you have to take to get into college cost money, too! and this is not even taking into account the hundreds of dollars students are expected to spend on textbooks! (please for the love of god google your book's isbn followed by "pdf download".) the higher education system is so fucking broken and i am so fucking livid about the burden that is placed on teenagers for doing what they're expected to do in a job market that can and does require you to have a bachelor's degree for entry level positions. i don't fucking care that i already spent a lot of money on my student loans. i don't even care if it comes late enough that i have already paid off ALL of my student loans. student loan forgiveness needs to happen, we need to freeze the interest at a very low rate permanently instead of expecting to profit off of people victimized by the education industry, and we need to make college affordable for everyone instead of making them take private loans in addition to federal loans that are already impossible for many to pay off. romanticizing killing yourself working 80 hours a week and monetizing all your hobbies and having The Grindset™️ is not fucking it. i am furious and upset at how unjust it all is and everyone else should be too. christ.
also mad that if a stranger saw this they'd decide the response should be to hate me for being able to afford to pay off my loans so quickly as if i'm morally bankrupt for being passionate about a line of work that is very lucrative to be in instead of being a starving artist, as if i'm not acutely aware of how fortunate and uncommon my circumstances are, as if i'm not angry that other people don't have it this easy, and as if i'm not full of feelings of not having earned this despite having worked my ass off through multiple illnesses and many full breakdowns to graduate with honors (would've been high honors if i had been able to function during my last semester, lol)
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onecrazysquirrel · 3 years ago
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Blessed day in our Lord Jesus Christ beautiful people, glory to God in the highest; peace on earth goodwill towards men, and may the holy spirit of the Living God indwell each of you and yours throughout your days. It sounds like it's finally starting to dry up some outside, I kept waking up to the sound of rain all night; I couldn't help but pray for our homeless as I would come to consciousness hearing the rain sounding like it was pouring hard; I pray you all found safe, dry and warm shelter for the wet cold night, be ready according to the forecasts that I've seen this morning there's still more to come and you all will remain in our hearts and our prayers. In Dayton Ohio at 6:31AM on Monday December 27, 2021 it is 49° outside with a real feel of 50° a projected high of 65° with an ending low of 43°, the day is to begin cloudy with rain this afternoon; expect significant temperature fluctuations so keep those clothes and bedrolls dry and ready for tonight, if you don't already have a tarp for your bedroll it's time to gather one. Three more months of winter left headed into spring rains God be with you all.
I was blessed with the ability to pray my phone bill just a few minutes ago, I am very thankful to God and all of you supporters that allowed this to happen; the idea of being without a phone is somewhat frightening, thank you loving prayer warriors also.
Today we are to purchase a new phone for my lady friend who just moved into housing, Christmas goals achieved albeit a little past Christmas; we could never have done it without all of you, praise God for you and yours.
It's time to put my focus back on my electric and gas bills, these I have tried to pay on a little at a time; I am behind on them again but thanks be to God I've not received a disconnect notice, I will try to generate $200 to split between them so that I've at least made a payment to each of them. I also need to take care of another loan which I might be able to do here in the next few days that I've drawn on my bank card, that one is $150 but as of now that's all that I am able to think of as far as expenses go; except maybe gas for the car but that's an ongoing struggle, I am certain that God will provide. So essentially I need to generate somewhere in the area of $375 to $400 in order to cover immediate expenses, not outlandish really just a little elbow grease, and I trust in the Lord that everything will work out.
I've not heard anything about the Stay Put program since early last week, I don't know whether my new case manager was able to get together with the landlady and gather the paperwork and submit it or not; I meant to contact her Friday but the day got away from me, I'll call her this morning when we finish our visit and check on that. Between her and my old case manager we filled out paper work for food stamps, I now have food stamps again to help with that part of my household; I fell some sorta way about this as I've worked very hard to carry myself over the past year but it is what it is I am told so I am working on humbly accepting the assistance, thank God for it.
Well loved ones I have a very busy days ahead if me, I will be helping my friend further the betterment of her household and hopefully we can make some progress on my day off; I love you all through Jesus Christ our Saviour and Lord, and I pray that he is with you in your hearts and minds...
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ahlnandco · 6 years ago
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Welcome to AHLN &Co
I am launching this blog AHLN&Co as a way to help myself brainstorm and navigate through these "muddy waters" we call life; as well as, to share personal Canadian experiences with an online community in hopes to create positivity and perspective on various aspects of living with a focus on health and wellness.
Although 2018 was a strangely unique and exciting year, first full year post graduation, first full year living on my own in a new town, single, with practically 1 or 2 friends and no family out here, there were a lot of highs and lows this year, and things I hope to change for next year!
Highlights for 2018:
-Started and ended my first ever 3 month online relationship
-Started and ended my first ever network marketing company while meeting multi-million dollar mentors in Memphis, Tennessee
-Successfully went to the gym almost daily and am finally able to 3 chin ups and 10 push ups and run for 10 minutes straight
-Went on my first full family vacation in the last five years to Dallas, Texas for my cousin's wedding
-Started in my first ever musical production of Rodger and Hammerstein's Cinderella
-Started Piano Lessons and had my first piano recital
-Went to Vancouver, British Columbia to celebrate one of my best friends wedding with a group of my besties
-Went to Winnipeg, Manitoba to run Mud Hero 2018
-Wrote the MCAT on my Birthday that I started to study 1.5 months before and epically failed (30th Percentile)
-Rode a Pontoon for the first time and got to go tubing for the first time and participated in my first ever boat parade
-Went to Niverville, Manitoba to celebrate another one of my best friend's wedding
-Visited home for many weekend trips and reconnected with friends and celebrated birthdays
My Top 2018 Moment
- was Vancouver, British Columbia- it was truly a relaxing Vacation with absolutely amazing company, started out with walking around downtown Vancouver, riding a ferry, eating food, hikes up through Lynn Canyon, Whitewater rafting in Squamish ,British Columbia, learning Black Pink's Boombyah Dance ,hitting The Red Room a nightclub in downtown Vancouver, making a day trip to Seattle and checking out the Public Market Centre, harbor and riding the Ferris wheel, then getting lost getting back to downtown Vancouver and just missing the Vancouver night market, but finding an amazing late night Asian food place that had super cheap food, having late night heart to hearts, then taking morning runs through Kitslano and up and down Jericho Beach, and experiencing the first of my immediate friends getting married with an amazing reception, with the drunk after effects of my friends as well, then spending an amazing day with friends exploring downtown Vancouver, and a day at the pool and an amazing night in where we got 100$ of free food due to an order mishap, honestly one of the best trips ever!
My Worst 2018 Moment
-was probably my Birthday, the day before I was a wreck stressed about the MCAT cause I still had 60 percent of materials to cover and failed a bunch of the practice questions, was scared I was going to be debilitated by the difficulty of the MCAT, so much so I could no longer study, then was stressed out visited my sister and played games and ate fried chicken all night, then MCAT day honestly it wasn't as bad as I thought, I just didn't know my stuff well enough, then after all the excitement of the test, the rest of the day felt mediocre but got to spend it with family so that was nice...to be honest it wasn't bad, but it wasn't great either it would have been really nice to go dancing or karaoke or even spend the night with friends, cause that night I realized my family had out grown me, being a single mid 20s new grad, I am extremely single and ready to mingle whilst being the youngest in my family, despite my niece and nephew, it is very easy to feel left out, but I was glad I had them at least!
Overall though, I don't want to seem ungrateful, but 2018 was a great year looking back, but as I lay here writing and reflecting about moving 6 hours away from home and making my first 6 figure salary, half which went away in taxes( fyi joys of being Canadian) and the other quarter went back to payoff my line of credit for school, which I am officially one paycheck away from paying off (another joy to being Canadian, living at home and going to school, lower student debt), then a chunk going to car payments, rent, and insurances, does leave a fair bit amount for travel and shopping compared to someone making less, by moving to a new town with less to do and eat, I should be able to save money, but with less than 700$ in the bank, and not enough days to visit family, travel, explore, experience and gain new skills, I really want to go back to school to become a doctor, the perks of being a doctor in Canada, their high fee for service pay, and the lack of physicians in rural areas, the diverse nature of the field with a lot of growing potential, and the flexibility of hours depending on the field of medicine, disadvantages to being a physician may be the hours, the patients that don't really care about themselves, you work alone, and you don't get paid vacations or benefits, or pension. Currently, I work a steady Monday to Friday job 8 am to 415pm, I get 4 weeks of vacation, 2 travel days, benefits and pension, and make a six figure salary but after taxes it definitely 5 figures, I live six hours away from home, and if I moved back home the job market is severely lacking, would be making less meanwhile going back to a higher stress and more competitive job market!
To someone that end up reading this, I apologized, as this post if it was visually perceived my life would seem interesting and great and to be honest, I think I would be okay if I wasn't single, possibly married and had kids, because my life right now has a sense of balance. But as I lay having only been kissed once, single af, in a rural community, that has limited opportunity for me to pursue my interests such as Kpop dance classes, or classes for haikaido, and limited opportunities to meet people, meanwhile being so far away from my close friends and not being able to implusively go on road trips for the long weekends with friends and family. I need to move back to the city, but logically I can't if the job market means me having to work harder for less, so switching careers is the way to go!
Being a student has its perks, yes school is hard and you are constantly stressed by studying, and life passes by, but with 3 months of summer to catch up on or work, I call that balance and you are working towards self improvement and a finite goal! Although being a physician in my opinion has one of the best payoffs as a degree, there is a downside to my dream, my grades are mediocre for medicine, so I have to almost perfect the MCAT in order to be eligible, if I'm serious about this career move I may need to go back to school to boost my gpa, which means more money!
But that is the reality, as a Pharmacist, yes I may be able to learn the stuff a physician knows and apply it to an extent, but I will never have the full rights to use my knowledge, and unless I own my own pharmacy I will never truly be able to dictate my own hours, that is why becoming a physician is my goal. Becoming a physician is such an challenging process as they work for the right to apply their knowledge and provide direct care for patients as primary providers, meanwhile until the public is aware of allied health and the other health care providers there will always be a shortage of physicians and a demand for them! Same thing to any profession though, you are vetted and tested, such that you may have the right to supply information knowledge or care, but physicians are one of the few that can be incorporated.
As I continue this post by airing out my thoughts, my goal for 2019:
-ace the MCAT
-lose weight and reach my goal of 180lbs (currently, 196lbs to 198)
-get abs and be able to do 10 chin ups, 20 push ups, and run for 20 minutes straight
-apply for medicine (goal is to get an interview)
-save at least 20-25% of my income (redirecting the money I would have spent paying student loans)
- consistent posting on this blog, if not daily, weekly, so by the end of 2019, I can see my year in review and track my progress!
When I think about it, people are going to hate me and hate this Tumblr cause it is literally first world problems, but when people say TIME IS MONEY it literally is! We all have the same 24 hours in a day, and it is up to you how you choose to spend it, and hopefully I spend mine wisely! #Self-Care #Self-Improvement
Ps. Physicians if they worked full time in a northern community they could make 3-6x more than a Pharmacist, just saying (perks of being Canadian) but the goal is work less get paid more so... Work one-third of the year for the same amount of pay! #TenYearGoal
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