#i don’t remember if i was getting ready for bed or had simply just washed my hands and was thus in front of the mirror

[majorshatterandhare]

Getting ready for bed while listening to Languid Little Lies. While picking your face you hear Narcissus talking about sitting and staring and sulking in front of his mirror.

Maybe that’s where your subconscious love of him comes from, spending too much time in front of the mirror because your mentally ill.

[ihrthoney]

you know me

pairings: arkham knight!jason todd x f!reader

warnings: fluff! some mentions of what happened to him in the asylum

word count: 1.9k

an: i hope you guys like it 😅 part 1

Jason had told you he would disappear for a few days, he said he would explain when he came back and until then to quit your job and not leave your house. Before leaving, he gave you a device and told you he would beep it three times to signal you that he was outside of your apartment. 

The night he held you was the only time he had let you so close to him. When you parted to wash your face, he made it clear he wanted to keep a distance between you two. Whenever you walked towards him he would take a step backwards, it stung but you can understand why, the mark on his face was a sign that whatever happened to him was bad. 

The last thing he told you before returning to the shadows was to start packing. Your mind told you he wasn’t the same and that you should be asking questions instead of blindly following him. Yet, the only thing you’ve ever wanted for the past few years was him. Nothing was going to stop you from following him, not even him. 

-

Meanwhile, Jason was at a loss on what to do. Seeing you brought back fond and awful memories. His memory was tainted with the bad things that have happened to him, his childhood, the in-between and the after. But you, you were like a firefly in the quiet meadow, a temporary relief before the world burned around him.

He had been questioning what he should do with you, where his feelings for you still lie. As of right now, he just wants to keep you safe. There’s a battle in his mind, he can’t decide whether he’s happy that you stayed and waited for him or if he should call you foolish for not getting out of Gotham, for putting yourself in danger. The former thought is winning, his heart thumps at the thought of still being remembered as Jason and not the failed robin.

Memories of your time together flash in his mind as he makes his way back to your place; he recognizes the apartment, it’s the one you two planned to move into. You were the one thing he wouldn’t let anyone touch, not then and definitely not now. He can’t ever be the person you so wholly loved but he wants to be someone you can learn to love. 

There are a lot of risks with that, you’d be a constant target, he’d have to either go with you anytime you went in public or simply have whatever you wanted delivered by someone else. The life you had before will be no more, he’s selfish but he hopes you don’t mind.

-

It’s about 3am in the morning when you hear the device beep, you respond back with the code he gave you then go to your window to open it for him (you have a feeling he could open it just fine.)

The night he was in your apartment, he was in all black clothes, now he’s in front of you covered head to toe in thick armor. The suit makes your window seem so fragile, the living room looks much smaller too. 

He clicks his helmet off and gently sets it on the floor, “Are you ready to go?” You can’t tell whether it’s a question or a statement but by the way he’s looking at you, you’re going to guess he’s telling you. 

“Am I allowed to ask where?” He follows you as you check the place for any belongings you may have missed, his heavy footsteps follow you, even in the armor he’s quiet. “A safehouse. Somewhere outside of the city.” After making your rounds, sad you two couldn’t occupy the space, you turn to face him, “Will you be there too?”

The question catches him off-guard, unused to being thought of. Despite the hardness to his eyes, how tense his posture is, the way he speaks to you was like before, gentle and soft. Under all the pain, he was a sweet boy.

To you, he will always be your sweet boy.

“Of course.”

-

Given the time, you fell asleep in the car, waking up in your bed but a different room. It takes a bit to remember the events that have happened. Moving the blankets off of you, you make your way around the safehouse. The layout is similar to your old apartment, it’s comforting but makes you question how he was able to find a place with the same format. 

A click of a door makes you turn and you see Jason in the clothes you saw him in the night he visited you, “I got you some food, we should talk.” 

He places down multiple containers with different food’s inside and a large cup of coffee from your favorite cafe. He remembered. Jason makes his way to sit across from you, a breakfast serving only for one so you ask to which he replies that he already ate. 

Still, like before, you offer him a plate of a little bit of everything in case he’s hungry again or lying about his eating habits. You’re careful to not treat him like nothing happened but not as a stranger either, it’s a strange middle you’re still trying to understand.

“We’ll talk after you eat.” He doesn’t touch the food you offered him but you hope the thought reaches him all the same. There’s a part of you that hopes your boyfriend is still there considering that you were tucked in bed in a new change of clothes, but he keeps you more than an arm’s length away. 

It should be uncomfortable, the way he watches you eat, the man before you is bigger, face sharper, still handsome. His eyes never left you even as you moved to put any leftovers away. Grabbing him a glass of water, you sat in front of him once again. 

“What would you like to know first?” As quick as the movement was, you saw the way his gaze flickered to the side then back up, “Anything you’re comfortable with telling me.”

The ache in his chest comes back, you were his sweetness, you still are and it hurts him to be near you. You were all he dreamed about, amongst other things, when he was trapped in that wing. Words can't explain how relieved he was that the Joker could not touch you or taint your image, you were so dear to him. 

“I followed.. him.. to Arkham’s Asylum, specifically an abandoned wing.” His beautiful eyes no longer looked into your own, instead focusing on the way your fingers fidget, “For almost two years I was tortured.. tied to a chair, hung up by the arms.. I know you saw the scar. There are things I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say out loud… I just wanted him to kill me.”

There’s a pause before he continues, “For months I waited for Batman, I refused to believe he forgot about me, that he replaced me but when I saw that picture.” Silence envelopes the room, it’s thick and he doesn’t say anything for a while, you also knew better than to say anything about how bad Batman’s grief actually was.

Your hand moves to hold his, to comfort him in any way but you’re afraid to push him into silence, but your hesitation is for naught as he grabs your hand and interlinks your fingers together, quietly he says, “I dreamt of you.” The words make you move your gaze from your intertwined hands to his eyes. 

“I missed you so much, yn.” His voice cracks and he looks away, Jason tries to pull his hand from yours but you squeeze them tighter together, “I thought about you every single day, Jace. Not a second went by when I wasn’t thinking of you.”

He squeezes his eyes shut, “I’m not the same person.” Quickly you replied, standing up from the chair and moving to his side of the table, “I don’t expect you to be, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you.” It seems to be the wrong answer as he stands from the chair and creates space between you two, arms crossing against his chest, “It should! I can’t- We can’t be together, there’s no point!”

It’s a lie, he’s lying, he can’t accept that you love him like it’s easy, like his whole existence isn’t filthy. This was bad, he shouldn't have seen you, “I’m not sorry that I love you, I never will be. I don’t care that you’ve changed, you are still the most important person to me! I will do anything for you.” Your voice is soft but stern, you need him to hear you. 

As much as you want to, you don’t approach him, you’re just happy he opened up to you at all. There’s obviously more than happened to him, more than just physical abuse. You have to be smart and careful not to treat him like he’s fragile because your Jason is anything but. He’s the strongest person you know and you’re here to help him feel loved and supported. 

Blue eyes analyze your body language, watching your chest move, the way your fingers slightly shake, “Why.. Why do you still love me?” His knees give out and he falls to the floor, you’re quick to move towards him in case he falls completely, so you opt to sit just a couple steps away. 

“How can I not love you? Even if you hadn’t come back I would have still loved you. You are my lifeline Jason.” You’ve never been a liar, not once had he ever doubted you, even now, as different as he looks you still followed his every word. Not once did you care to think he would have poisoned your food or this safehouse itself could have been a trap; Yet you followed him anyway. Why?

“You can’t possibly look at me and still love it.” Jason can barely stand to look at his own reflection, it’s starting to frustrate him that you supposedly see past the scars and accept him. It can’t be that easy, it shouldn’t be.

He doesn’t realize he said the last thing out loud, “Loving you is the easiest thing in the world, Jaybee.” A scoff falls from his lips at the nickname, and if you didn’t know him any better you would’ve missed the teeny tiny smile that appeared on his lips. 

“Whatever is running through that head of yours, I’m going to need you to tell me, okay? Maybe not now, or tomorrow or even the day after that but I’m always going to be here for you in any way that I can. I have all the time in the world with you around, I promised you then and I promise you now, I will always be right by your side.” 

The ache in his chest is back, he feels his heart beating so fast, without thinking much he reaches towards you and holds you to his chest like the night he first saw you again. Only this time he cradled your body so close to his own, you were sideways which meant you got to hear the pounding of his heart. His hands weaved through your hair and if you felt his tears drip onto your hair you ignored it. 

You can learn to love him just as you did before. 

© ihrthoney. reblogs & feedback are greatly appreciated𑁤

taglist for those who commented :) @fanficwritersworld @jasonsbaby @princessesgarden @anime-potato-san @ravensandmysterae

[fairysongs]

౨ৎ pretty scary﹕spencer reid .ᐟ

summary: you're having an awful day and your boyfriend is kind of the best person ever.

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader

includes: reader struggles with bpd, reader has slight mommy issues, reader is referred to with she/her pronouns, depictions of overstimulation (NOT the sexy kind), reader has slight mood swings, established relationship, silly fluff, spencer reid is the perfect boyfriend, hurt/comfort KINDA? (reader is upset, spencer soothes her), lowercase writing sorry it's a habit/my preference, Fiona Apple Mention <3

word count: 3.1k

a/n: omg.. hiiii! this is my first silly post on this silly blog and its a very self-indulgent one as someone who has bpd and is told OFTEN how irritable i can get -_- .. im so nervous.com right now bcos ive never posted my writing on here but also excited..? yes yes.. on a huge spencer reid kick so if u liked this and have any requests they are open!! likes/reblogs/any feedback much appreciated :3!

today was just not your day.

the morning started out fine. it was actually kind of perfect. you spent the night at your boyfriend’s place, waking up just in time to see him getting ready for work. there was a smile that crept over your lips as you watched him adjust the tie hanging around his neck. you propped yourself up against the pillows as he caught your eyes in the mirror adjacent to the bed. your heart swelled at the sight of a small blush spreading across his cheeks.

“why are you staring at me like that, weirdo?” there was a little morning gravel in his voice but his tone was lighthearted enough to make you giggle. you fell back against the pillows, tucking one under your arm as you kept your gaze on him.

“what? i’m not allowed to stare at my boyfriend anymore?” you replied, a yawn falling off your lips. he playfully rolled his eyes in response, walking over to your side of his bed. he sat at the edge, one of his hands brushing some of your hair from your face.

“actually, no. they just passed that law last night while you were sleeping through coraline again.” you bit your lip, vaguely remembering begging spencer to put that movie on only to fall asleep on his shoulder twenty minutes in. you can only assume at some point he carried you from the sofa to his bed. you blushed at the thought, as if he hadn’t done it at least twenty times by now. clearly you weren’t used to the ‘princess treatment’ he liked giving you.

“oh, my fault then. please don’t arrest me, mr. fbi agent.”

“it’s dr. fbi agent, actually.”

“right…” you giggled again, beaming as he smiled down at you. “do you know if you have a case?”

“paperwork day.” his fingers started tracing small shapes against the skin of your arm. “of course if that changes, i’ll let you know. but hopefully it won’t. you can come over again tonight if you want. maybe we’ll finally finish coraline.” his voice was soft, ringing harmonies in your ear as you let your eyes flutter shut in the comfort. “need me to take you to work today?”

you hummed, reaching out to your phone sitting on his bedside table. you quickly rechecked your schedule and shook your head. “no, it’s okay. i go in a little later. it’s close enough to walk.” you tilted your head as you felt him tangle his hand in your hair again. spencer scratched delicately at your scalp.

“okay, my love. i washed the clothes you left here the other day. they should be in the second drawer of my dresser.” you nodded in response as he leaned in to press his lips to your forehead. you caught his jaw in your hands and pulled him downwards, giving him a proper kiss on his lips. he laughed quietly as you both pulled away. “have a good day, angel.”

“you too, baby.”

well to put it simply you did not have a good day. you got ready for your job at a local cafe and made it to work fine. it was when you got there that it started going downhill. you genuinely loved being a barista. you definitely had the personality for it. friendly, outgoing, kind and patient. it’s actually how you met spencer in the first place. but sometimes it was hard. especially with certain needy customers. most of your regulars were chill. you were actually friends with many of them, always asking about the new things in their lives whenever they’d come in. of course, though, there were always a few bad apples.

like this one particular older man. he came in every now and then and ordered the same thing every single time. black decaf coffee with a blueberry scone. he was always in a rather grumpy mood, not even your tender words could help that. so this morning when you gave him a black regular coffee by an honest mistake he made sure to let you know just how stupid and idiotic you were. you stood there at the counter, expression apologetic as he continued to berate you. eventually your boss told you to go in the back for a bit while she took care of things.

you practically ran to the bathroom, locking yourself in the tiny space as you tried to control your breathing. you could already feel the hot tears spilling down your cheeks. you absolutely despised how sensitive you could get. through shaky breaths, you pulled your phone from your back pocket, unlocking it with a small sob. you had a few texts and one missed call from your mother. one of the texts was from spencer, letting you know it was just gonna be a paperwork day and inquiring what you wanted to order for dinner tonight. the other texts were from your mother, reminding you about a family party that was coming up soon. there was another text after her missed call.

- Guess you’re too busy to talk. Just let me know if you can make it.

you closed your eyes, feeling the passive aggressive tone through the message. the best way you could describe your relationship with your mother was that she was both your best friend and your worst critic. she tried to support everything you aspired to do, but also hated the way you did them. it was... complicated but her text was enough to leave you in a sour mood for the remainder of the day.

you felt like you couldn’t catch up. you couldn’t get over that bump setting you back from having a good shift. your head felt like it was elsewhere and no longer attached to your body, your movements becoming monotonous and your words dull. to make things worse, your eighteen year old coworker was coming in for their shift an hour before you were leaving.

and you loved them, you really really did. often times you would joke about them being your work child, taking them under your wing. but they talked. a lot. most days you could keep up no problem but with the way your mind was on a downward spiral today, all you could feel was immense overstimulation as they yapped in your ear about the latest tv show they were binge watching. soon it was all too much for you to handle and you end up snapping at the poor kid.

“dude i’m sorry but i don’t really care. can we just be quiet for, like, five minutes?” you interrupted them mid-sentence, tired eyes looking over with a slight glare. you immediately softened, eyes wide with guilt as they looked towards you like a kicked puppy. you tried your best to stammer out an apology but was met with silent treatment until you clocked out.

they would soon accept your apology in the next coming days and you’d go back to normal because that’s how you guys were, but the guilt would eat at you for quite a bit. when you were a kid, your parents often praised you on how self-sufficient and respectful you were. in your adolescent years, with the help of an untreated personality disorder and your regular teen hormones raging inside your cage of a body, your behaviour would suddenly change. you found yourself more irritable. more prone to overstimulation. you internalized a lot of what you were going through because every time you tried to bring up your feelings, your mother would shut you down and it’d turn into a fight.

you expressed yourself through slammed doors and screaming matches. you bottled things up until they overflowed. it was how you handled the thunderstorms behind your skull. you would eventually get better in time, finally attending therapy and finding solace in little things like journaling. and when you started dating spencer, he helped a lot too. your brain could sometimes make a lot of irrational judgements and spencer would help you see reasoning instead. he was also insanely patient with you. especially in the first two months of you guys dating where you broke up with him upwards of five times. each time because you didn’t believe you deserved him. (you still don’t believe it, but at least now you’ve stopped trying to fight the good coming into your life.)

you would never forget the first time spencer met your parents. the night was going well up until dinner time when your dad decided to pull out your old high school yearbook. at first it was just classic embarrassment as spencer looked at your school photos. but then your mother, after one too many glasses of wine, brought up your old struggles with anger.

“be careful getting on her bad side, spencer!” she had said, waving a finger in the air. “she’s got a scary temper for sure! remember when we had to replace her bathroom mirror because she threw her hairbrush at it?" she spoke like she was a comedian telling her greatest joke in the world as she turned towards your father. "i can’t even remember what made her so upset! but i remember how expensive that fix was…”

“oh i’m sure i’ve dealt with far worse at my job, ma’am. i think i can handle her just fine.” he was quick to reply and the hand pressing on your bouncing knee beneath the table calmed any nerves of him looking at you differently. later that night he’d hold you as you sobbed in his arms, retelling different memories of your past. he made you a promise that he’d never see you as a bad person as long as you promised him you’d talk to him whenever you started to feel like one.

you were finally walking home after this exhausting day and it wasn’t until you were changed into your comfy clothes and curled in bed that you realized you hadn't texted spencer back at all. with your knees pulled to your chest and a low hum of a fiona apple album playing from your record player you reached across your bed for your phone. you had four texts from him and one missed call.

- Hi angel. Haven’t heard from you all day, just checking in. - Hi, you should be clocked out by now. Just wanted to know if you still wanted to come over? We can order from your favorite italian place. - One missed call from spencer ���. - Are you having a bad day, my love? Or did I do something wrong? - I’m gonna come over. See you soon, angel.

your brows furrowed together at the last text, sent just about ten minutes ago. you could feel your eyes well with frustrated tears. you felt like shit for unintentionally ignoring him. you couldn’t even think of what to say to him, but you had to think fast because soon you heard a gentle knock at your bedroom door. with a sniffle, you stood to your feet and slowly opened it.

you met spencer’s eyes, they were desperately searching your face. trying to figure you out, trying to see what was troubling your mind. you hated it sometimes when he profiled you, but most times you were grateful he could just know when you weren’t doing okay. saved you the shame of having to actually vocalize your feelings. you stepped back as he entered your room.

“your roommate let me in. she said you went straight to your room after work and have been listening to nothing but when the pawn… by fiona apple.” he was still in his work clothes, the same ones you watched him get dressed in just that morning. felt like an eternity ago at this point. before you could even let your face fall to the ground, his hands were holding your jaw, tilting it upwards and keeping it in place. he always held you like you were made of glass. “bad day?”

“you could say that.” you words were short and you didn’t mean for them to be. you were just so exhausted. “sorry i forgot to text you back. it’s just been…” you let your words fall off, waving your hands in the air with an annoyed huff. you pulled away from his touch, slumping back into your mattress. he just watched as you ran your fingers through your hair, eyes shut tight as if you were trying to talk yourself down. he bit his lip, taking a cautious step forward.

“you look like you’re trying to compute a million things at once right now inside that little head.” he shrugged off the sweater draping over his work shirt, tugged off his tie and kicked his shoes off besides your bed. you laughed sarcastically at his words but bit your tongue from replying with a snarky comment. “did you know that one of the brain’s primary functions is to collect and process sensory information? it’s kind of like there’s a little guy in there, sitting at his desk and filing through every bit of information that gets thrown at you throughout the day.” your eyes were still shut but you felt a dip in your bed as his voice grew closer to you.

“when there’s too much sensory input, it can make the brain think there’s danger, sending off signals to the body to escape. that’s when your fight-flight-freeze response gets triggered. aka that little guy’s desk is suddenly on fire and every file has been thrown all over the place and the little guy, well, the little guy is running around screaming for help.” you feel two arms wrap around your waist and maneuver your body until you felt your head resting against the warmness of his chest. soon enough you also felt slender digits running through the locks of your hair.

“you seem to resort to a fight response i’ve noticed. your body feels like you can overpower the danger your brain thinks you’re in. resulting in intense feelings of anger. which can lead to irritability.” you feel him tracing shapes, the same ones he made on your arms earlier that morning, deep into the small of your back. he always did the same movement pattern and you always wondered if that was intentional or just a coincidence. “do you wanna talk about what’s going on in here?” he poked an index finger to the side of your temple. you shook your head. “okay. we don’t have to. but i will ask about it later, is that okay?” you nodded this time.

you didn’t realize it when it was happening, but the combination of spencer pulling you into his arms and his soft voice spewing factual information at you was enough to make your head feel almost empty. your body was melted against his, curled up in his touch. you let out a shaky breath, slowly raising your head, resting your chin on his chest as your eyes opened. “how did you do that?” you whispered, soft hues scanning his face as he just smiled down at you.

“a magician never reveals his secrets, my love.” you rolled your eyes, laughing quietly as his hand lightly brushed your cheek. he tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. your lips twitched in thought, a tiny frown suddenly taking over your features. spencer tilted his head. “what is it, baby?”

your eyes fell to focus on his chest, your finger tracing over the fabric of his work shirt. “do you think i’m scary? like… when i get upset?”

“scary?” he repeated, voice in small disbelief that you’d even feel the need to ask. “no, i don’t think you’re scary. i think you’re beautiful. and i think your mind can be pretty mean to you sometimes. but that’s not your fault. hey, look at me please.” you let him guide your head back up, eyes meeting each other again. he smiled at you and it made you feel warm. “why do you think you’re scary?”

your shoulder shrugged with an exasperated sigh. “because it’s what i’ve been told my whole life. when i get too overwhelmed and i just feel nothing but anger i… i feel like i can get mean and i hate feeling that way. like, i always get too snappy and i always say something that’s gonna hurt someone i care about and i…” your breathing hitches. your lashes quickly blink, trying to fight any tears from spilling yet again. “i’m so scared i’m gonna get that way with you and you’re gonna leave me.”

he was shaking his head, thumb swiping underneath your eyes at the few tears that betrayed you and fell down your cheeks. he sighed out your name. “i don’t think you understand just how much i love you. if you think i’d leave you at something so silly like that. you know, i started reading up on borderline personality disorder after that night i met your parents. i wanted to understand it more. i wanted to understand you.” he continued wiping away your tears as they kept falling.

“i can’t even imagine what you go through inside your own head every single day, but i can acknowledge how hard you’re trying to cope with it. i see it all the time. i see it in the kindness you like to spread to strangers. i see it in the way you push yourself to learn new things and the way you stopped beating yourself up if it doesn’t turn out perfect. i see it in the way you love me, and more importantly in the way you’ve allowed yourself to let me love you back. you’re such a beautiful person, my love. it’s okay to have bad days and it’s okay to let yourself be a little mean sometimes.” he laughed quietly, noticing the way your lips were fighting a smile. he leaned in and pressed a sweet kiss to the corner of your mouth. “as long as you just communicate with me when you’re feeling bad. that’s all i ask.”

you sat there for a moment, admiring the way his big brown eyes stared at you. your eyes fell for a moment before picking back up with furrowed brows. “i snapped at my coworker today.”

“the teenager?” you nodded. “ah,” spencer’s hand resumed circling around your back as he hummed. “they’ll forgive you, i’m sure of it.” there was a pause and then a small hum coming from his throat. “are you hungry? hm? let’s order some food.”

he ordered you your favorite pasta dish from your favorite italian restaurant and you fell asleep in his arms in the middle of coraline again. he couldn’t help but admire you resting so peacefully in his arms and continued tracing the words ‘i love you’ over and over again into your back for the rest of the night.

[jade-jini]

HI been thinking abt g!p loser yunjin getting emotional during sex 😭 can i request a somno one where she comes home drunk late at night, looking for reader only to see her asleep on their bed! yunny getting hard at the sight and emotional as she remembers their argument, she couldn’t help herself but touch her gf, soft “sorry’s” and “don’t leave me” leaving her mouth as she fucks reader 😖

TW: somno, angst, happy ending ig. Dubcon. Dacryphilia. Yunjin is insecure.

Can I give you g!p loser somno Yunjin? Yes. Is it from the same storyline as the previous posts? Hell no. That baby would never. That one is fluffy fluffy this is a completely different one ok? Ok 🤨. After clarifying that…😈

“Hey, a*hic*nother one, please…” Yunjin said, raising her empty glass, her vision not good enough to catch where the bartender actually was. The guy sighed as he dried a washed glass with a towel.

“Listen kid, we’re already closed. Why don’t you go home already?”

“Home?” Yunjin asked unconsciously, the memories of that day hitting once again.

——————————Flashback—————————

You guys were supposed to get home together after a long day. Yunjin was gonna pick you up after your last class of the day, the orange sky and sunlight hitting against her own hair as she waited for you. She had a nice flower in hand, excited to give it to you. Softly placing it near her nose to smell it one more time, she made herself blushed thinking about your smile once she saw you. However, you were not alone. Her smile dropped right away as she left the flower fall somewhere.

There you were, standing with a friend she very well recognized. It was this one girl from the women soccer team of the university. Yunjin knew her name, everybody knew her name. But she never liked using it, making it clear she did not like this person at all.

“She seems to like you a lot…” she murmured after the first time she saw you talking to Yeji.

“I like her too, she’s a good friend, and she’s friends with Yeojin already so it’s cool” you explained, apparently not getting the message right away.

“Hmmmm, not what I meant but whatever..” she said as her pout got bigger, letting go of your hand and crossing her arms in front of her chest. That’s when you finally noticed.

“Huh Yunjin, are you jealous?” You asked, trying to stop a giggle.

“Maybe? I mean she’s athletic and popular, and you’re so pretty, baby. Who wouldn’t want you? I wouldn’t be surprised if one day you decide you want to give her or somebody else a chance…”

“Omg shut up, that could never happen. I love you. You, Yunjin.” You told her, taking her hand and kissing her cheek. You didn’t have eyes for nobody else but Yunjin, so you didn’t wanna hear none of that nonsense.

“Yeah but still…” she murmured, and you simply sighed and continued walking hand in hand, trying to be extra sweet and clingy to your girl to distract her from those thoughts.

You thought it was cute the first couple times, but then her attitude started becoming more serious every time. It wasn’t your cute girlfriend being a little jealous and protective. It was like a completely different person taking over your sweet girl. You guys have already had more arguments about this situation. They were never too bad.

Until today.

“Oh, hi baby!” You greeted your girlfriend once she met you guys, smiling at her like you did every time, with love and excitement like it was the first time you saw her.

“Hi, Yunjinie.” Yeji tried, as always, to be on the good side of the taller girl. Yunjin just looked at her, nodding at her and humming. She looked back at you.

“Ready to go? Maybe we can go get something to eat at your favorite restaurant before getting home.” She asked while smiling at you only, not wanting to acknowledge the other girl’s presence more than necessary.

“Oh nice! Wanna join us before going home, Yeji?” You asked your friend, knowing she lived very close to your building. Yunjin’s smile left again, rolling her eyes.

“Oh! Actually-”

“Don’t you have somewhere else to be today?” Yunjin murmured, a bored tone that she didn’t try to hide. In her mind, this was the least rude she could be towards Yeji.

“Huh Yunjin…” you warned her, a challenging tone growing in your throat and your eyes telling you weren’t gonna tolerate that.

“It’s ok, y/n.” Yeji said with an awkward laugh, trying to avoid yet another conflict. Unfortunately, she has been present before when your girlfriend showed clearly discomfort with her presence near you. “I can’t go anyways, Lia’s class must be almost done, and we have a date today so…” she commented, a slight blush appearing on the girl’s face. “Anyways, see you later.” The older girl said with a smile, waving her hand as she walked away quickly to go pick up her own girlfriend. You smiled and waved back at her, and once you turned back at Yunjin, her face was still showing she was upset. You shook your head, starting to walk. She followed you behind.

“What, you’re gonna leave me here now?” She asked as you didn’t give her a chance to walk beside you. You rolled your eyes.

“What the fuck, Yunjin?” You asked her as you slowed down a bit so she could catch up. “I’m tired of you being rude to every friend I have. First it was Chaeyoung and Yeojin and now-”

“Yeojin wouldn’t stop touching you! Am I supposed to be ok with that?!” She interrupted you, her voice getting a little louder and shaky.

“And now!” You interrupted her back, making her go quiet. “She barely looks me in the eye when you’re present ‘cause she knows you get easily jealous.” Yunjin scratched the back of her neck as she opened the car’s door for you. Once she got in the driver’s seat, she spoke again. Her voice changing to a sadder one.

“I’m just scared of losing you, y/n. You know that…” she said, as she started driving. You looked at her, examining her face. You could tell she was in distress about this. However, being insecure didn’t give her the right to treat your friends bad. You stayed quiet for a little while as she drove. Once you were walking to your apartment, you spoke again.

“I’ve told you Yeji has a girlfriend, yet you’re still treating her like this.” You heard her huff.

“Am I supposed to believe that?”

“Excuse me?” You looked at her with a frown, clearly offended.

“If she had a girlfriend she wouldn’t be stuck to your side all the fucking time.” Yunjin said, her voice getting deeper than normal. She was very upset, but so were you.

“Because she’s my friend, Yunjin! Friends spend time together! Why can’t you understand the concept of that?” You told her in the same tone, seriously tired of the constant fighting about such an insignificant thing as you hanging out with your friends.

“I don’t spend all the time stuck to my friends.” she remarked once you opened the door.

“Even if you did, I wouldn’t be making these scenes because I actually trust you. Do you even trust me?”

“It has nothing to do with that-”

“Do you even trust me, Huh Yunjin?!” You asked her again in a louder tone. You were not gonna let her evade this question. Yunjin didn’t like your tone nor the accusations. So instead of processing what she actually felt, she acted impulsively.

“No! I don’t trust you nor your fucking flirty friends! I’m tired of all this!” She yelled, her breathing becoming irregular.

You went quiet, feeling your heart hurt. The girl you loved didn’t trust you. You’ve done everything in your power to show her she’s your one and only. That nobody else comes even close to her in your heart. Yet her insecurities were hurting you both.

“Then go.” You said after you swallowed the lump in your throat, your eyes already getting watery.

“What…” she whispered, starting to panic as she felt her heart sink.

“Trust is the most important thing in a relationship, with honesty. If we don’t have that, we don’t have nothing.”

“Oh my god I am so sorry, y/n… I didn’t mean to say any of that.” She tried apologizing, the weight of her words hitting her. Hard. She fucked up.

“If you don’t even trust me, then why haven’t you left?” You asked her, feeling that even speaking was hard at the moment.

“I’m sorry. I’ll work on it. Please give me another chance, baby. Please.” Your girlfriend said, trying to hold your hands but you put them close to you avoiding this, such action breaking her heart a little more ‘cause you’ve never rejected her touch before.

“I’ve been patient and understanding but your jealousy just keeps getting worse. I need some time right now…”

“No! Please don’t.. please baby, don’t say that…” tears were threatening to come out already, her hands trembling at the idea of losing you.

“At least for tonight. I need to think about us, please go Yunjin.” You almost begged, voice getting softer due to the sadness taking over the anger now.

“y/n, please…”

“Just leave, Yunjin. I need some space today, please.” You said, not even looking at her. You couldn’t, because if you did you would ask her to stay and you actually needed some alone time to calm down. You heard her hesitate, but nevertheless her steps resonated in the now empty room.

————————End of flashback————————

“My home doesn’t want me at home…” Yunjin said as she began sobbing again. The bartender, weirded out, tried comforting her after calling a taxi for the young woman.

“Listen dude, I don’t know who hurt you, but you gotta go home. There’s a taxi outside ok? Just tell them where to go and I don’t know, get some makeup sex or something.”

“Makeup sex? Hmm..” the idea of it already causing an effect on her intoxicated mind. She quietly went home, with only the image of you in her thoughts, feeling her friend reacting to it.

“y/n? Baby are you h*hic*ome?” Yunjin asked once she stepped foot on the living room of your apartment, clumsily looking for you. “I-I’m sorry baby… please I l*hic*love you. Let me show you I love you.”

When she didn’t get a response, she made her way to your shared room. Her messy hair in front of her eyes making it a little extra complicated for her to see where she was going, but she wasn’t that messed up yet. Once she got to the bedroom, she found you deep in your sleep, looking beautiful as ever. She always thought you looked cute when sleeping, but tonight when she noticed how you were using nothing but her big shirt, the blanket barely covering your naked legs, cute wasn’t the word she’d use to describe you.

“God you’re so sexy, so perfect… I could never lose you…” she said as she got closer to the bed, falling sat next to you. The new weight made you move a bit, but it didn’t wake you up. “Please w-wake up, darling. I need you…” she whispered as she fixed her member, that was already getting hard by the view in front of her. Her other hand traveled to your thigh, caressing the skin as she slowly made her way to your ass. With the shirt going up a bit, she could see that you really were using nothing but her shirt.

“You knew I was c*hic*oming, Hmm?” She hummed, getting rid of her jacket and unbuttoning her pants to get her hand inside them, touching herself on top of her boxers. Soft groans escaping Yunjin’s lips as she felt her member getting harder and harder. She couldn’t help but put your shirt a little higher, leaving kisses on your stomach. Her lips slowly going up until she was kissing your chest, going from one nipple to the other. She was straight up moaning against your chest as she slowly sucked on them. With her dick already out of her pants, she needed to have you. She needed to prove to you she loved you always. As she made her way between your legs, she slowly started stroking her cock, licking her own lips before starting to eat you out. Yunjin could feel you softly moving under her, but you were a heavy sleeper. “So good.. tastes so good, baby.” She said as she made out with your pussy in such a messy but sensual way. The little whimpers coming from her as she stimulated both of you, and the little groans you’d let out in your sleep, were the only sounds Yunjin’s ears could catch. “P-please don’t leave.. if you do.. You’d break my heart..” the taller girl said, kissing your thighs, the idea of you actually leaving being an option got her sad again. As her eyes got watery, she fixed herself better between your legs, her member against your now very wet cunt, making sure to get herself wet too so she doesn’t hurt you. More soft sounds were coming from you, similar to the ones you do when awake. Yunjin’s clouded mind was thinking that maybe, if your body was reacting to her like this even when asleep, then you didn’t really want to leave. “Oh fuck…” she moaned as she slowly entered you. “Please don’t leave, I’m gonna miss this pussy too much…”

She started thrusting inside you slowly, sighing as your tight pussy grabbed around her so good every single time. She loved how well your bodies understood each other, and the thought of it being like this even when you’re not awake got her dick twisting inside you. This didn’t stop her from being sad though, knowing that after your argument that day, you probably wouldn’t have accepted this so easily.

“Please…” Yunjin whispered, her voice breaking in between pleads, tears threatening to fall “please d-don’t leave me.. I can be better than them.. p-promise..” she sobbed, the warmth of your body bringing both comfort and sadness, scared the next morning you’d be gone.

“What.. what the.. fuck? Hmmm.. Jen?” You murmured as her rougher actions slowly started to wake you up “w-what are you-”

“Please l-let me do it, if you’re gonna leave..” she said in between sobs “let me have you one last t*hic*ime..”

“W-who said I- fuck~ was gonna leave, baby?” You asked her, confused in between moans. Your hands automatically hugged her shoulders as you felt her cock reaching those spots inside you only Yunjin could ever get to know.

“I r-ruined it.. but please don’t go. I’m s-sorry, y/n. I love you…” she said, her moves now a little softer and slower. However you weren’t angry at her, how could you when she felt so good deep inside you, and her tears making her look so cute and pathetic, turning you on so much for some reason. You didn’t care to understand it though, your mind also getting clouded by desire for her.

“So cute when you cry. Do you feel sorry, baby?” You asked her, grabbing her face. She nodded eagerly, tears running down her face. “Why.. why are you sorry, tell me.”

“Hmmgh y/n.. I’m sorry for b-being mean, and jealous…” she dragged her words, but you were able to make out what she was saying. “S-sorry for not asking for permission first…” her sobs became more intense, but so did her thrusts inside you and you weren’t sure if her tears were more sadness or pleasure, probably a mix of both. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry y/n.. Hmm please…”

“Shhh, keep going baby, don’t you dare stop.” You threatened her, her teary eyes making your pussy clench around her cock, making your girlfriend moan loudly “such a fucking good cock, feels so good…”

“Hmmm fuck… you feel so good too, wanna be inside you forever…” she said as she pounded your pussy so good. Even when drunk, she knew what your face was saying, knowing she was hitting you in a spot you really like, getting you closer. “Like this, baby? D-does my cock feel good here?”

“So good… don’t you fucking stop.. Hmm fuck, baby!” You came intensely as her name kept coming from your mouth again and again, music for her ears. The sensation also making her moan, feeling herself too close.

“y/n, I’m gonna come…” she warned you, but you weren’t done with her punishment. You turned you guys around, holding her wrists against the mattress and riding her “oh god…” she moaned as she bit her lip. When you felt her dick inside you twisting, meaning her orgasm was just seconds away, you quickly got off her, ruining her orgasm as she finished untouched “Ahh! F-fuck.. nooo.. fuck!” She whimpered and cried as her cum ended on her thighs and some on her abs. “Why… that hurt, y/n..” she complained, hissing a bit when a cold wet towel made contact with her skin to clean her.

“That’s what you get for being a bad girl.” You told her, receiving a groan for her. When you turned around to see her, her eyes were still full of tears, a pout on her face. You simply laughed before holding her closer to you. “Don’t worry baby, tomorrow when you’re sober I’ll make sure to take care of you good.”

[butdaddyilovehim-hs]

Tolerate It

Inspired by 'Tolerate It' by Taylor Swift :)

"I know my love should be celebrated... but you tolerate it."

Quite frankly, Y/N isn’t sure how much longer she can take this. It’s the second time this week Harry hasn’t been home for dinner and it’s only Wednesday. Y/N is normally fine looking after baby Elle by herself, she knows Harry has important things to do and people to meet and deals to close its just… lately he’s been different. More withdrawn, constantly at work and seemingly finding less and less time to spend with his wife and 6 month old daughter. That morning he had left in a whirlwind, pressing a quick, barely there kiss to her cheek before promising to be home for dinner at 7. 

Y/N swirls what’s left in her wine glass as she glances over at the clock that reads 9:14. He’d be out for a while yet, she knew. Sighing, she puts his plate in the fridge, washing the dishes before getting ready for bed, popping into check on Elle. She smiles softly at the rise and fall of her daughter’s chest as she sleeps, leaning down and kissing her head then moving away from the crib and towards her own bedroom. It’s Y/N and Harry’s shared room but Y/N can’t remember the last time she actually woke up to Harry still in the room. Or the last time she fell asleep with him beside her. 

Y/N intends to wait up for her husband but when her eyes flutter closed she can’t seem to stop them. They open after what only feels like minutes later when the bed dips on Harry’s side. She blinks sleepily, watching him slide into bed and prop himself up against the pillows, reading with his head low. She shuffles, catching his attention and when he meets her gaze, she smiles tiredly up at him.

“Hey. Thought you were going to be home for dinner?”

“Things got busy. Ate at the office.” He turns his attention back to the book he’s reading and Y/N’s smile droops. 

“You could have called. I waited for you.”

Harry scoffs at her confession, rolling his eyes. 

“Y/N I don’t have time to give you a call every time I’m going to be a bit late coming home. Get off my case, it’s fucking annoying.” His voice rises slightly in volume as he gets frustrated, but not loud enough to wake Elle in the next room. 

“I’m not trying to be annoying H. I’m just saying that I missed you today and as your wife it would just be nice if you could let me know.” Y/N sighs, rolling over, her back to him as she tries to go back to sleep. Her breath hitches as she feels Harry come closer to her, kissing her shoulder before burying his face in her neck. 

“Sorry my love, I didn’t mean to snap. I’m just really caught up lately.”

“I know you are.” Y/N tries to ignore the butterflies in her stomach as he sponges kisses on her neck, shoulders and then slowly down her arm. 

“Tomorrow. Take Elle to my mum’s and I’ll be home around 5. Let’s make it a date night, just us.” At this, Y/N turns to face him, a small grin on her face. 

“Yeah? Just us?”

“Just us bub. Promise I’ll be home in time and I’m all yours.”

~

Y/N believes him. So, she does what Harry says. Take’s Elle over to Anne’s around midday, the older woman over the moon to spend some extra time with her granddaughter. Around 2, her best friend makes a surprise visit to the house, finding Y/N slaving away in the kitchen.

“Are you cooking for 12?” Lucy laughs as Y/N rushes around putting finishing touches on what seems to be a ten course meal.

“No… just Harry and I. But I’m making all his favourites. I want tonight to be special for us. He’s been so busy with work lately.”

“What are you wearing?” Lucy smirks at Y/N who simply blushes.

“It’s on the bed.” She says referring to the lacy white lingerie set that Harry had bought her for their first anniversary. Lucy wolf whistles, causing Y/N to turn even redder.

“Lucky husband, that Harry of yours. Now hurry up and finish so we can have a glass of wine before he gets here and I have to go.”

Y/N grabs a bottle and the two women sit and chat for a few hours before Y/N realises it’s 10 to 5 and she needs to go and change. She kicks Lucy out as politely as possible before getting ready and waiting for Harry. 

The clock ticks over to 5:00pm. Then 5:01pm. Then 5:20pm. 

At 5:30pm, she calls. His phone is off. 

At 6:00pm, she finishes a second bottle of wine, and then she calls again. His phone is still off. 

At 6:17pm, Lucy sends her a link to an article and Y/N feels the sudden urge to throw up. Because the article is about Harry and the headline reads: Trouble in Paradise? Styles and Co CEO Harry Styles seen partying on a yacht with ex Kendall Jenner, just months after celebrating his third wedding anniversary and welcoming daughter Elle Styles. 

The photos are incriminating. Kendall’s face in his neck, his hands around her waist. Kendall getting into a cab, leading Harry behind her.

Lucy calls. Y/N doesn’t answer.

At 8:15pm, Y/N picks herself up off the floor, goes upstairs, grabs a bag throws essential things inside for her and Elle and gets her keys. 

That’s when the door opens and her husband walks, stumbles, through the front door. 

“Sorry I’m late. Something smells good.” Harry’s words have a slight slur to them, she knows he’s been drinking but she can’t bring herself to care. He steps closer and she wrinkles her nose. 

“You smell like her.” Y/N comments, willing herself not to cry. 

“Who? Kendall?” Harry is suddenly ten times more alert, worry evident on his face.  

“Nothing happened Y/N.” “Sure didn’t look like nothing. In fact the photos were… quite something.”

“Love… I don’t- I put her in a cab and she went home. It was supposed to be a quick meeting and then it turned into a yacht event and I know you wanted me home earlier but I-”

“This isn’t about me wanting you home earlier Harry. I wanted this night for us. Because we’re drifting apart and I don’t know what to do about it.” 

“You’re being dramatic, I’ve just been busy.”

“You’ve been “busy” for 4 months Harry. Are you not in love with me anymore?” Y/N’s voice trembles but she holds his gaze. Harry feels his heart drop into the floor.

“…What?”

“Tell me it’s all in my head. Tell me I’m wrong.”

“Y/N calm down. You’re acting insane, of course I love you.”

“Harry, you make me feel annoying when all I want is for you to love me back as much as I love you! You just sit there and you… you just tolerate me. And I don’t deserve that. I sit here in this stupid mansion you bought for us with our daughter who probably doesn’t even know that you’re her father because you’re never around. I just sit here and I wait with Elle. For you to come home to me, for you to tell me you need me as much as I need you. And I don’t think I can do it anymore.” She pushes past him to the garage and he grabs her wrist gently. “Y/N. Baby where are you going?”

“Bit late for the pet names H. Don’t you think?” She scoffs. 

“I need space. Come find Elle and I if you think you’re going to be able to show up for us, because I don’t feel the need to explain to our daughter why she doesn’t have a fucking dad.”

Harry steps back, looking at her helplessly as her words cut him deep.

“Bye Harry.”

Read Part II here

Tags:

@lukesaprince @harryspirate @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @lilyrmason12 @styleslover-1994 @stylesfever @kathb59 @indierockgirrl @bxbyysstuff @gills-lounge

[ivystoryweaver]

With You part 5

<-prev next-> || Fic Masterlist || My Masterlist

Summary: Jake tries to fall asleep beside you, Steven is there to adore you in the morning and Marc is still struggling. What happens when Jake breaks his lifelong silence?

Pairings: Jake Lockley x reader, Steven Grant x reader, Marc Spector x reader. Gender neutral reader. No use of Y/N. Reader is engaged to Marc and Steven.

Word Count: 4.7k

Warnings/notables: Fluff, longing, complicated relationship stuff. Angst. References to past abuse. Struggles with addiction/alcoholism and its effects. Probably inaccurate description of addiction. self-worth probs. Violence is mentioned. kissing and touching, implied sex but no smut, nothing explicit or gender-specific. Let me know if I missed a warning. inaccurate DID, based on the show. Not beta'd we die like arthur harrow in the back of jake's car

Dividers by saradika

PREVIOUSLY, on “With You”...

Oh, he liked the idea of getting under your skin. He liked it a lot. 

“Really?” He teased. “You mean you don’t scare the shit out them in the middle of the night? Follow them around? Drive them crazy...wearing that?” He threw your words back at you. 

What a little shit. 

“No,” you steadily answered him, your gaze open and honest. “I guess I’m just here to drive you crazy.” 

With little convincing, Jake got ready for bed, so he could join you in finally getting some rest. Your 3am alarm went off as he was washing up, so you silenced the one for 4:00.

Conveniently it was your day off, so no other alarm was set. Steven did have one class mid-day, but otherwise, also had the day off.

As Jake slid under the covers, you reached to turn off the bedside lamp. Then you were left in the same position you found yourself in that first night.

The night he held your hand.

Remembering what you'd whispered to him in the dark that night, you softly uttered, "I'm glad you came back to me, Jake."

"I'll always come back to you," he swiftly replied, his voice the softest you'd ever heard it.

Slowly, you reached for him, resting your hand over his. He immediately slid his fingers through yours, just like the first night, and whispered goodnight.

Jake always came home while you were asleep, and he didn't even front every day. Usually he was only there when Khonshu bid him take to the nighttime alleyways and rooftops, or when Marc and Steven were in an exorbitant amount of danger...

...which was unfortunately more often than either of them (or you) were aware. Marc had a long and colorful past, in which he'd made many enemies - some of them, through no fault of his.

Abused, with an undiagnosed disorder, there were sections of his life missing, and problems he just couldn't control. That, combined with blackouts from drinking and a mighty temper, when provoked, had left a trail of...unfortunate mishaps. And pissed off former associates and enemies.

Time eased many grievances, and Marc had handled several problems on his own, years ago. But even after Jake himself had dispensed with Arthur Harrow, there still lingered fingers of his network. And those weren't the only problems.

Just last week, Jake had disposed of a man who had followed you home from work two nights in a row. He simply watched the first night, choosing restraint, but after he saw the mysterious man following you a little too closely the second night, well - that man did not live to see a third.

At first, Jake wondered how Marc could be so naive. He expected that more from Steven. Well, not naivety, exactly, but a general "chin up" outlook on life that the he radiated.

Steven, although far more direct, outspoken and cautious than most people gave him credit for, was an overall ray of sunshine. In protecting the system, Jake wasn't just protecting his own body, or Marc, who he had known since his youth, he was protecting Steven - the one Marc simply could not do without.

And Jake supposed that's what it all came down to. Marc had settled into a beautiful domesticity with both you and Steven. And maybe that was why Marc couldn't perceive the danger you were all in.

Jake was happy to keep it that way. If Marc was not only safe, but thriving, if Steven was growing and learning, putting his beautiful mind to work, and the two of them had someone they loved? Then Jake had done his job. As long he stayed on top of things, it could all work out.

But the drinking relapse was a problem. And he hadn't counted on you meeting him.

Jake had often wondered how Marc and Steven - for lack of a better word - shared you. He wondered if they ever got jealous. Or if you ever showed any preference for one over the other. That's why he thought it best to stay out of it. Not only did he hope to keep his head down and do his job, he was concerned that getting mixed up with you would only confuse him.

That all went right to hell when he carelessly barreled into your bedroom the other night, having forgotten to have Marc or Steven check in with you earlier, or go to bed beside you. He was equally panicked and wonderfully elated for this mishap.

And now, as your soft breathing slowed, he tried to pretend this night was like every other time he'd slipped through the window to find you asleep.

But it wasn't and he couldn't.

He wished you were still awake. He wished he had more time to hear your voice, to watch the flurry of you around the room, picking up his things, worrying after him. Squeezing his eyes shut, he remembered the press of your body against his - the soft satin hugging your shape.

Shit. He could use a cigarette. Or maybe he could beat the hell out of someone.

It was difficult to blow off steam when Marc - a.k.a. their body - couldn't drink and with Marc and Steven engaged to you. Jake tried to respect that. He had the right to his own life, sure, but he just couldn't bring himself to "blow off steam" in that way since you got engaged. You weren't his, but he was faithful to you anyway.

As if sensing his irritation in your sleep, you rolled over, burying your face into his shoulder, snuggling up to him comfortably.

Jake was walking a very fine line between soothed and riled up. If your leg made its way across his thigh, he was going to lose his shit.

Only a few hours later, as the sun struggled to climb into a gray sky, you woke up, tangled in someone. Wondering who might greet you each morning always brought the tiniest smile to your face, but on this morning, just for a moment, you wondered if it was Jake.

Your body stiffened. Did you sleep like this for the past few hours? Did it bother him? You hadn't ever thought of what you might do in the night when Jake got home from his escapades.

As the man beside you continued to breathe evenly, in and out, you decided that three hours of sleep was definitely not enough.

Hours later, you awoke to the domestic sounds of the kitchen. You smelled cooked food and heard the sink's water running, along with the clang of a pot or saucepan.

The sun had made its way through the morning fog, and a sliver of it poured through the crack between the drawn drapes and the window.

After stretching like a very satisfied cat, you freshened up in the bathroom and headed back to your closet to decide what to wear for your day off.

Steven was waiting for you on your bed, perched on the edge.

"Morning, my love," he hummed cheerily, his eyes raking down your body appreciatively. "See you've got on those nice satin pajamas I gave you."

Glancing down at yourself, you softly smiled. "Indeed."

"You're so bloody lovely," he breathed, eyes darkening as he reached out his hand to beckon you back to bed.

Feeling absolutely adored and a little frisky, you skittered over, ready to pounce, when he held up two hands to stop you.

"Careful, darling, I've made you breakfast. Or brunch, rather. It's eleven o'clock," he laughed, nodding toward the tray sitting in the middle of the bed.

Eyes wide, you beamed - but it didn't stop you from climbing onto his lap, just...carefully.

"You are an angel." Locking your arms behind his neck, you dragged your hips forward until you were flush against his body. Rubbing your nose against his, you giggled as he chased after your lips.

"Feeling cheeky this morning, are we?" he tutted after trying and failing to kiss you a few times. "Come here, you." Gently gripping your face in one hand, he opened his mouth hotly over yours. Sucking your lips one at a time, he teased you right back, easing one strong arm around your back. His forearm flexed, holding you firmly as he thrust up against you.

"Steven," you gasped, shifting in his lap to feel him just where you wanted him. Licking into his mouth, you pushed your fingers into his curls, tugging just hard enough for him to jerk deliciously against you again.

The two of you went on that way until he laid back on the bed, pulling you on top of him.

"Steven, Steven, wait--"

Too late. The tray carrying your breakfast spilled all over the bed, some of the jam-covered toast landing on Steven's adorably oversized sleeve.

"Shit, I'm so sorry." Scurrying off the bed, you rapidly gathered up the mess, hands bumping into Steven's as he struggled to help you.

"Thank goodness I've left the tea on the table then, yeah?"

You burst out laughing.

You and Steven cleaned up the bed, finished breakfast (at the table) and dressed in cozy clothes for a day off together. Steven decided missing one class wouldn't hurt anything, since he had high marks in every course.

"Thank you for taking care of me this morning, my love," you sighed contentedly, draping your legs across his lap as you relaxed on the couch. "I noticed you pulled the drapes closed so I could sleep in."

"Oh...must've been Marc, I s'ppose," he mused, rubbing up and down your leg. "Wasn't me."

"Oh, okay. But it was you that cleaned up the broken bottle the other morning, right? Before I woke up and made breakfast for Marc?"

Steven's head whipped around so fast. "Sorry, what? Marc broke a bottle? Darling--"

"It wasn't like that, I promise. It was an accident," you soothed. Reaching for his hand, you squeezed it gently, forgetting, in that moment, who could have cleaned up the bottle.

"Everything's a bit odd lately, innit?" He spoke up after a few moments. "Khonshu scaring the life out of Marc like that, deceivin' us both. Bloody stupid pigeon."

"I'm sorry, baby." You felt a shade guilty having talked to Jake twice when Marc and Steven had yet to even meet him.

"Not your fault, love. The old bird's the one to blame. Him and this other mysterious bloke I've got up here." He tapped one finger to his forehead.

"Jake, you mean." You eyed him cautiously. Feeling like you hadn't seen Steven as much for the past few days, you felt the need to confess - catch him up. "I talked to him again last night. Did Marc tell you we'd met?"

Dark eyes cut over to yours - unreadable - a rarity in your warm and open Steven. "Didn't have to. Spoke to him myself."

You gasped a little dramatically. "Y-you talked to Jake? He talked to you?"

"A bit, yeah," Steven sighed. "A bit. Might have told us we were still entangled with Khonshu so Marc didn't have to wake up in an alley like that. It's no bloody wonder he's had a rough go of it."

Gently rubbing your thumb over his knuckles, you inched a little closer to him on the couch. "So...you're angry with him then. With Jake."

Shaking his head, Steven's gaze dropped. "He's got his own life I s'ppose. Rather used to the way things are with Marc, is all."

"Must be hard, sweetheart," you sweetly sympathized, wishing you could fix any and everything for these men you loved.

"Not your fault," he softly repeated, reaching up to caress your cheek. "He does seem a bit taken with you, though."

Oh god.

"R-really," you squeaked. "Jake said that?"

"Not exactly, but...I gathered," Steven mused, his fingers trailing down over your throat to rest along your collarbone, which he traced carefully. "Made me wonder if you'd worn that lovely satin for him, if I'm honest."

You gulped. "Well...not for him, exactly. I did want to talk to him in a little more than Marc's t-shirt. I want answers too."

The corner of his mouth turned slightly upward, reminding you of Jake. "You're a vision in anything, darling - bare legs and t-shirt, or black satin. I certainly understand why he fancies you."

You skin heated up as you tried to decide how to respond.

And just like Jake the previous night, Steven seemed to enjoy you flustered like this. Giving you a devilish smile, he trailed his fingers down your arm.

"Steven...you're my fiancé," you finally managed, a little breathless. "Jake and I have only spoken twice. It will take a little more than crawling in the window at night to get to know one another."

Nodding, Steven asked, "But you would...like to get to know him?"

"Of course I would," you instantly answered, as if it were obvious. "Of course I want to know someone in our lives like this - part of you and Marc, and...honestly, someone who has you all out at night doing god knows what."

Reaching for your fiancé, you wrapped your arms around his neck. "Besides, I doubt Jake said he fancies me," you chuckled. "Doesn't really sound like him."

"Ohhh, it doesn't, does it?" Steven laughed out. Studying you closely, he added, "Would you like to know what he really said? 'Bout you?"

Spellbound, you nodded as Steven leaned in close. "I'm not going to tell you. That's between you two. But I will tell you what I think, if you care to know."

Climbing across his lap, you touched your forehead to his. "As long as it's something good, baby."

"Oh it is," he breathed against your mouth.

He never told you. But you did finish what you'd started in the bedroom.

After all the recent late night activities, plus a vigorous couple of rounds in bed with Steven, your sated bodies drifted off to sleep...

...which inevitably led to you waking up from your nap, wondering who would be greeting you. The flat was quiet and you were alone.

Feeling a little more relaxed and rested than you had felt in days, you found the clothes Steven had yanked off your body just a couple hours before. You didn't want to waste one more second of your shared day off by sleeping.

After checking the bathroom and the living room, you finally found a note in the kitchen from Marc.

On the roof. - M

Finding some shoes and Marc's tan hoodie, you grabbed your phone, realizing Marc had sent you the same message via text, just in case.

A few minutes later, you made your way out to enjoy the chilly but decently sunny day. A rare treat indeed.

"Hey there," you sweetly greeted, walking up beside Marc, purposely bumping your shoulder against his. "Where's your jacket? It's cold."

He glanced over at you, smirking. "You're wearing the one I like. Looks better on you anyway."

Even though Marc was a little taller than you were, you wrapped your arm around his shoulders as if it might warm him up.

"What are you doing?" He chuckled, already a bit cheered up by your presence.

"I'm protecting you. Like I said, it's cold."

Glancing down at you, he shook his head, amused, while his heart flared with adoration. You were always taking care of him in one way or another. He could never deserve you.

"Come here," he whispered, pulling you into his arms, folding you close. "There, now I'm warm."

"Good," you returned, nuzzling into his neck.

He held you in silence for a few minutes, rubbing up and down your back lovingly.

From what little you knew of Jake, you were fairly certain that Marc was the quietest of his alters. It was nice sometimes, to just be together in contented stillness.

But unlike Jake, there was no one in the world you knew better than Marc. And he was neither content, nor prone to remain still for much longer. Itching to prod about what troubled him, you waited longer still. You had learned to wait him out and he had learned to trust you...confide in you.

"I, uh..." he cleared his throat, breaking the silence after a while. "I came up here because I was thinking about...having a drink."

Oh.

Releasing you, as you knew he would after an admission like that, he folded his well defined arms over his chest. "Sorry." He stared out over the city, wondering what you would think of him - of how he kept letting you down.

Matching his pose, you gave him just enough space to confess, while keeping close enough to ground him.

"Sorry for what?"

Huffing out an irritable sigh, he frowned. "You know what. Sorry for wanting to. For...fucking everything up, for letting you down."

"I see," you softly returned. "Is that all?"

Turning his head, he started at you. "Is that not enough? You need a longer list?"

"No," you shrugged, keeping your gaze fixed on the cityscape. "Just asking if there's anything else you're trying to punish yourself for today."

"There's a never-ending, extremely long fucking list," he huffed, rolling his eyes. "Where do I even begin?"

Turning your body to face him, you waited a moment for him to calm down. "How about we start with what brought you up here today? Did something happen? Did you talk to Steven? Or Jake? Or maybe Addiction is just being the annoying bitch that Addiction is?"

You could see that he was already relieved to have you facing him, engaging with him. Marc could fight with the empty, thin air if he wanted to, because the person he fought hardest with was himself.

"I did...talk to Jake," he finally confessed, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. "He, uh...he actually apologized...for what happened in the alley, with Khonshu."

"Okay," you slowly nodded, your heart rate doubling at the thought of Marc and Jake interacting. "And how did that make you feel?"

"Like an idiot," he huffed, pushing a hand through his hair. "I should have known that Khonshu would never leave us alone." His hands landed on his hips - a trademark Marc-is-annoyed stance. "I should have known it wasn't safe, especially for you."

"What does that mean?" you hesitantly questioned. Surely he didn't mean he was unsafe for you, or Jake was... You started to worry for just a moment, that he would try to do one of those stupid 'you're safer without me' speeches that superheroes were always doing in films.

Like hell. Khonshu could shove his bony beak right up his bony ass. He was not fucking with your engagement, or your life.

Seeing your distress, Marc reached for your shoulders. "Jake saved your life last week," he explained. "Someone was following you home from work."

"He...what?" You gasped. "Who? Jake told you this?"

"Don't know who," Marc replied, his jaw clenching in fury at the thought of anyone even noticing you, let alone trying to stalk you. And to think he had no idea - no inkling that you were in danger... it was unbearable. "Doesn't matter. He's gone now. I just can't believe I let that happen to you and I didn't even realize..."

Releasing you, he paced a few steps away, and back again. Back and forth, punishing himself. For not perceiving that danger still followed him around - followed you. For not being the one to save you. For not recognizing someone else was in his mind, in their body. For being the absolute most useless and pointless of his alters. For all these things compiling and making him want to drown it all at the bottom of a bottle. For being a worthless alcoholic. For being like her...

Marc was the walking embodiment of the phrase, 'that escalated quickly...'

You knew it was bad once he stopped pacing and dug the heels of his hands into his forehead. Steven would probably be joining you momentarily. Or maybe Jake.

"Marc?" You softly called, gently reaching for his wrists to stop him hitting himself in the head. You didn't pull or try to halt his motion, you simply allowed your fingers to circle his wrists. As soon as he realized that his banging motion was jerking your arms too, he stopped, allowing you to hold onto his wrists, rubbing your thumbs carefully over his skin.

"There you are," you soothed, granting him the most gentle smile and pulling his hands down to his chest. "I think you kept this conversation going without me. Probably started telling yourself a whole lot of bullshit...does that sound about right?"

Sometimes you would undercut the most dramatic of his meltdowns with deceptively gentle sarcasm. It always seemed to disarm Marc - your comments showed him your tenderheartedness rather than your slight teasing feeling like mockery. You truly had a gift for it.

You didn't wait for his verbal answer. His silence was compliance. You kept hold of his wrists, there against his chest, and tried to fill in the blanks.

"I'm guessing you're blaming yourself for not knowing everything that's ever going to happen, for not predicting the future, for not knowing every corner of your mind, and for being afflicted with an addiction. Am I close?"

His jaw clenched, this time in anguish, rather than fury.

"You don't...you don't have to do this," he choked, avoiding your gaze. "You shouldn't have to do this."

"Like I hell I shouldn't," you shot back. "I marrying you in 52 days. And on that day, I'm going to vow to love you for better or for worse, in sickness and in health - you know the rest. This is exactly what I should be doing."

"I'm sorry," he brokenly whispered. "I'm sorry I'm like this. I hate it. I hate..."

"What are you like, sweetheart? How is it that you think you should be?"

Marc shook his head, his eyebrows pinched with worry. "I-I don't even have a job or go to school, or always make you smile or feel better, like Steven. I can't even protect you, like Jake. I have nothing to give you. I can't think of one reason to even--"

"Don't you dare," you warned. "Don't you dare compare yourself to them - they are a part of you." Releasing a shaky sigh, you realized then how bad things must have gotten for Marc before he ever even picked up a bottle.

This was deeper than one encounter with Khonshu. He was calling his whole self-worth into question, comparing himself to Steven and now Jake. He hadn't failed you. Maybe you had failed him.

"Look, I don't claim to be any kind of an expert on addiction or DID or marriage," you explained to him. "I only know what I know. When Jake saved my life, you were there. You are a part of him. And-and Steven - his amazing mind is your mind too. This addiction you have - they all have it! I understand you are distinct people, and I respect that. And I don't pretend to know what you're going through or what it feels like to be you, but baby..."

Squeezing his hands, you peered up at him pleadingly. "You were my first love. I knew you first. I loved you first. You are the reason I'm here. And Steven. And Jake. We all love you, Marc and we need you. We're with you. Who else is going to help Steven remember to do his homework? Or make my coffee the way I like it? Or fix the sink every time it leaks?

"Who is going to make me feel like the most special person in the world, make me laugh, make me the best toast for breakfast--"

"Uh, that would be Steven," Marc admitted, his voice softening. "Steven does those things for you."

Thinking back through what you'd just said, you nodded. "True. He does make better toast than you but his coffee-making skills are shit."

Marc cracked a smile. Just a tiny one.

"And you do make me laugh. And make me feel special. Why do you think Steven is the only one who does that?"

"Because...I don't know, because he's so good at it," Marc shrugged, calming down a little more. Your candor was somehow soothing because he never had to wonder where he stood with you.

"Baby, where do you think he gets that from?" You stared at him pointedly, waiting for him to get it. "How many years did you try to protect him, to keep him safe?"

"Yeah, but I fucked that up too," he argued. "He was pissed when he found out about me, remember I told you that."

"Only a first," you reminded him. "But since then, you're literally his best friend. You keep him grounded. And I know it's true for Jake too. You're his moral center."

"Really," Marc scoffed, "then he's fucked."

You rolled your eyes. "You are. From what little I know of Jake, he doesn't seem all that bothered by violence... by doing whatever he feels he needs to do, for you or for Khonshu. Don't you see?"

Marc shook his head.

"When you have to use violence, you hate it, because it was used on you. You've agonized over the lives you've taken, because you value life. What is more morally centered than that?"

Finally releasing your hands, Marc rubbed his face with a long sigh. "I told myself I wasn't going to do this to you. That I was just going to go to a meeting and talk to you after. But...but I thought if I left to go to a meeting that I might stop by the store and there would be a drink, you know, just waiting..."

His hands found their way back to his hips. "What do I do?" He gazed at you as if everything in the world hanged on your answer.

"This," you said confidently. "You take a beat...take a breath, talk to me. Exactly this, baby. Everything you need to be doing, you are doing right now: admitting you're tempted to drink, stopping and thinking first, going to meetings..."

You counted his victories off on your fingers, "Using your support systems, being honest about your feelings, even the really fucking hard ones. This is exactly what you do, Marc. You are literally my hero."

Completely taken aback, his lip trembled. "W-what? No...I-I'm not."

Folding your arms over your chest, you narrowed your eyes, waiting a beat.

"You're not? Shit. I must have been thinking of someone else then." Cracking a grin, you inched toward him slowly. "You're so damn stubborn, Marc Spector, but you have met your match. Game fucking on."

Reaching for his wrists, still planted defiantly on his hips, you pulled his hands into yours. "Now, is there anything I can do to make you feel better today? I could walk you to your meeting? Or fix you some matzah ball soup? I've been practicinggg," you sang, a little playfully.

Sometimes acting like a dork really cheered up your grumpy fiancé. Maybe it would work.

"Please, god no," Marc laughed out, "it was more like matzah meal sludge. I think I could have built a sandcastle with it."

Giggling, you released his hands, sliding your arms around his torso. "Okay, fair enough. Maybe we'll do something else then."

"Yeah, like what?" He shot back, some of the tension finally draining out of his tense body as he wrapped his arms around your back.

"How about a massage?" You suggested. "You love it when I play with your hair. You could lie down on my lap, relax..."

"You're just trying to get my head between your legs, aren't you?" Marc chuckled, narrowing his eyes.

You smiled innocently up at him. "Always."

"Come on, it's freezing out here," he laughed, guiding you back toward the doorway with his arm around your shoulders.

"Still feel like a drink?" You asked, your candor never ceasing to amaze him.

"Only if you make me eat your matzah ball soup," he teased.

Just him joking was a good thing. And he probably would have you walk him to a meeting later in the day. One step at a time.

"You're really doing it, you know? I'm really proud of you," you sweetly affirmed as the two of you made your way back down to your flat.

"Thank you," Marc evenly answered, after a long silence. He hadn't really been sure how to reply until the two of you were back inside your living room. "For everything."

"One day at a time, my love. Today, you're doing it. You're doing everything right."

Wondering what he would ever do without you, Marc pulled you close, gently swaying with you in the silence of your flat. He had always felt so hard to love - his childhood had made sure of that. But you loved him hard.

@stormydaysxx laaundromat @kindlover @spxctorsslxt @deezisnotreal

@rivalriotrenegade @wordacadabra this--is--music @i-still-dont-like-your-face 

idk if all the tags work. I tried!

[wooahaeruby]

Chapter 41: Stuck In Limbo

TW

This chapter :D It hurts :D It's really sad and kinda fucky. I don't technically have any trigger warnings for it, besides making sure you have tissues on hand. I'm, again, so sorry for my transgressions. I am evil. I know. It…kinda gets better from here, promise. :D

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The space around you was bright white. You were floating on a blank canvas ready and begging to be colored to life. 

Your head felt light, no ill thoughts currently gracing your mind. You tried to figure out where you were within this unknown light void, turning your head too and fro in hopes to get an answer. The void extended as far as your eyes could perceive. You attempted to call out but no words left. 

Lifting your arms to look at yourself, there were no rope burns that you believed should be there. The step you wanted to take forward didn’t do much, but your body felt weightless yet heavy, like you were moving through mud or sludge. You took in the clothes you had on; a loose, white shirt and flowy, soft black pants. The pants contrasted heavily with the pristine white that surrounded you, yet it gave you peace that there was something that was different here. 

Out of curiosity you started in the direction in front of you, taking the movement slow since your movement was slightly hindered. You couldn’t tell the time, but walked and walked through the empty space, hoping something would appear before you. Again, you tried to call out to no avail. 

Were you dreaming? You didn’t remember a dream so void of anything in the past, but everything seemed fuzzy. 

Why did you think you had rope burns? Where did that come from earlier? Swallowing thickly, you raised a hand to rub at your chest, flinching at the sudden pain just under your collarbone. You pulled the collar of your shirt, finding the fabric stuck uncomfortably to your skin. Glancing down, you could see a raised X on your chest. It stung and itched painfully but as you touched it, it didn’t hurt. 

What?

Your eyes flitted to your wrist, cut up and dark, dark bruises staring back. Rolling your wrists, it hurt, however, like your chest, it didn’t hurt as you touched the wounds. It confused you, questions spinning in your mind.

Come on . A voice rang around you, whipping your head around to find where it came from. Help me get her up there. 

Turning around, you came face to face with a black door. It appeared out of thin air in silence, but…the voice was coming from within. You’ve heard the voice before, it was familiar, yet you couldn’t place the name or the face. 

Looking over your shoulder, you questioned if the void was safer – if it would protect you. Yet…something inside told you that it wouldn’t, that whatever was beyond the door was better than being here. Safer .

Taking a deep breath, you reached for the door handle and pushed it open, coming face to face with a second void, this one pitch black. 

Yeah, let me get the x-rays, I’m going to get an MRI too so we don’t need to move her later.  

You stepped inside, peering around curiously, and an unseen force slammed the door shut behind you. 

“Hello?” You called out, surprised to find you could talk. “Anyone?” 

Biting the bullet, you took another step, hoping for a change, anything – but whatever you considered the floor was gone and you were falling. You screamed, sharp pain in your sides, face, chest, and soreness through your limbs creeped up quickly, only to be soothed by a numb sensation washing from head to toe. 

I gave her some pain meds and antibiotics. Another voice started. When will they get here? 

Unsure, I just called that we have her in a bed but they could still be listening to Wonwoo and Seokmin. That…Yeah, that sounded like Jihoon’s voice. 

The falling feeling stopped, now simply floating aimlessly in the dark space. 

She has a lot of injuries. Definitely a concussion, her heart is beating a little weird too. Broke ribs, internal bruising probably. She had some water in her lungs too. Let alone anything else we can’t see along with that branding. That sounded like Seonghwa’s voice now that you thought about it, laced with concern. 

You focused on his words for a moment, and everything hit you like a truck. 

Kihyun, Monsta X, and the torture they put you through. It was vivid like the first time it happened. You swore you felt someone’s hand on your hand, holding it gently, and you wished you could pull away and hide. 

I won’t know the real extent until Mouse wakes up. That is the part that is worrying me more. 

I don’t think she will be okay. Jihoon had sighed from what you heard. Look at her, Seonghwa. I’ll be surprised if she is anywhere close to the same when she wakes up. 

Enough of that. Just focus on being there for her when she wakes up. His voice was further away and the sound of a door opening followed. Leave her alone for a bit. We have food here. 

But-

Doctor’s orders.

Dude, you don’t even have a PhD. 

I basically do at this point, but hush, come on. 

You felt the grip on your hand loosen and fade away, a sigh of relief leaving you. The feeling was…uncomfortable. You didn’t want anyone to touch you right now. 

At least you had confirmed you were safe, hopefully your mind wasn’t playing any tricks on you about that. You probably hadn’t been out long, maybe a few hours, and they had given you some medicine. The question you had was why weren’t you waking physically? If they were actually there and you were listening, conscious in your mind, shouldn’t you be awake? 

“Maybe to let me heal.” You answered yourself out loud, relaxing in the vacant space. 

You couldn’t tell if you were facing in the right direction, though you weren’t sure there was a correct direction. There was nothingness all around you, a numb feeling from whatever medicine they pushed through you. You wondered when you’d wake up. How long would your body need? 

Yes, you could rationalize here in the in-between space, you could tell yourself you wouldn’t change, but the reality could be much different once your eyes open. Day to day might be horribly different. That left a foul taste in your mouth. 

You heard heavy footfall, a shout from someone and the door slamming open loudly. There were many voices surrounding you, someone grabbed your hand tightly and a head rested near your shoulder. 

Oh, my baby. The sob in Jeonghan’s voice was heartbreaking, but your skin crawled at his touch. 

Someone else brushed some hair back from your face and you flinched in the void. We are here, Mouse… That shaky voice was Joshua’s. 

Why isn’t she waking up? You think that was Jun but his voice wasn’t that close. 

I have no answer for that, only some guesses. Seonghwa’s voice got close and there was the beep of a machine or two. She was tortured, starved for a few days, and dehydrated. Shock could be a good reason, self preservation to get her energy and strength back. That’s the medical thoughts. 

Medical? Do you have some other thoughts? Jun didn’t sound happy. 

Someone cleared their throat. Spiritually, she could be in her own Limbo. That was Mingyu, voice rough. 

You sound ridiculous, Gyu. 

He…isn’t though. Seonghwa sighed. I’m not saying you have to believe it, but if her heart stopped at any point, some say the person questions whether to come back.

But her heart is beating now . 

It doesn’t matter. Mine stopped and started again. Mingyu continued. I...I got to pick. I chose to stay. We might need to let her…pick. 

Staring into the darkness, you took a deep breath and closed your eyes. 

Had your heart stopped earlier? You had no clue if it did, but there was a chance after Kihyun pumped epinephrine through. You remembered how fast your heart raced and it slowed so quickly before you passed out. Thinking about it, the chance could be a strong yes… 

But…you thought going through the door earlier into this space was your decision to want to come back. You were hearing your family as your physical body laid unconscious wherever you were taken to. 

That meant something, right? 

It meant you wanted to wake up…

Right? 

New rule because you all are way too many here. Three to visit each. There was a chorus of complaints flying around. Unlike your warehouse, I do open this place to people in need of free medical care.  

Then why not transfer her to us instead? Seungcheol asked, sounding tired and concerned. 

You guessed Seonghwa sighed. You and I both know that isn’t a good idea. If something was to happen, heavens forbid, your team might not be able to handle it professionally.

Clearing his throat, it sounded like Minghao spoke next. Cheol…It’s okay. I agree with him on this… 

You all can visit any time, I’ll keep the back unlocked but no groups bigger than three. I need to be able to violently push you out of the way if anything happens. 

That is so unfair. Jeonghan sniffled, the grip on your hand tightening. 

It is unfair, but she won’t recover any faster with all of your hovering. I’ll have a guard on her twenty-four seven with you here or not. Yunho, Yeosang, and I will be no more than fifty feet away in the other room most times. Seonghwa continued. Plus, SVT isn’t going to be the only ones that would like to see her. 

Give them, like, half an hour. Yeosang advocated somewhere in the room. 

There was a pause before Seonghwa reluctantly agreed, stepping out of the room to leave you with your family. 

How sure are you that it was them? Minghao asked, to who you didn’t know yet. 

I’m fifty percent sure, but I don’t have any way of confirming it until Mouse wakes up and tells us. Wonwoo sighed and a warmth was present beside your leg and you felt the bed dip as if he sat down. Whenever she wakes up. 

Someone sat on the bed opposite of him and the claustrophobia panic settled in your chest. Everyone was too close. You couldn’t push them away if you wanted to. The once comforting presence they had when close was replaced with the overwhelming need to be alone, away from everyone – far away from everyone. 

Then we wait. Seungkwan said reassuringly, confident even. When she wakes up, hopefully we will have an answer. For now, we just pray she wakes up soon and that she remembers who did this. We just need to be here when she wakes up.

Jeonghan, Joshua, and Seungcheol were the first three to stay under Seonghwa’s new rule. The rest said goodbye but said they would, in fact, be drawing straws for who comes in next to kick them out, along with the other groups getting a turn. 

They were silent for a good while, the only thing you were able to hear was the occasional sniffle and a sigh. Jeonghan still held your hand tightly and Joshua, you believed, was resting his head next to your other arm. His hair always felt different from Jeonghan’s. It still left that icky feeling in your stomach. 

I- Seungcheol started but groaned. I should have given her that tracking thing we talked about or something like that. It could have prevented- 

Jeonghan cut him off. You didn’t now, none of us knew this would happen. 

Still- 

No, Cheol. It happened, okay? Don’t go around blaming yourself like Seokmin did, it isn’t going to change anything in the past. 

What he said. Joshua sounded exhausted, voice muffled. We just need to take steps forward.  

Another bout of silence came before a groan and a sharp inhale was heard, along with Cheol speaking.

Fuck- This sucks. He sounded like he started crying. I’m sorry, Mouse- Fuck! I- We should have found you sooner. I’ll kill them, whoever they are, for them. I promise this will be made right. 

Why did Seungcheol crying pull something in your chest? Why did your heart feel heavy? 

He tried to keep himself quiet, the sound muffled but he choked out a breath. The space where Joshua’s head was growing cold, probably moving to comfort the leader. Soon, all three were crying. Tears were felt wetting the skin of your hand, the one Jeonghan was holding. Subconsciously, tears welled up in your eyes, floating off your cheeks and into the ether out of sight.

“I just want to wake up.” You pleaded the unknown, wrapping your arms around yourself. “Why won’t you let me?”

I don’t think I can stop crying . Seungcheol gasped, clearing his throat. I- We are a mess- 

I am so tired and have no energy to cry but shit, I can’t stop crying. Joshua signed, clearing his throat. I just want her to come home.  

She will come home soon…  

You wiped your face, signing heavily. 

There was nothing you could do to fix the situation. You didn’t know how to wake up or help yourself to begin with. Nothing made a lot of sense at the moment. Your attempts to find your footing didn’t find any solid place to stand or lay, leaving you suspended in the air. 

You didn’t enjoy the unknown, not that anyone really did, but this was another level of unknown that was harder to traverse. How long would you need to contemplate in the void before you were given a chance to decide your fate? What was there even to contemplate in the first place? 

She was only gone for a few days and I miss hearing her talk. I miss her smile. Joshua spoke softly. I miss talking to her about anything. 

Seungcheol hummed. This is going to sound a little weird, but I miss her cooking. Everything was thought out, homemade, and like she genuinely wanted to cook.  

I miss curling up on the couch and just being close to her. She is so��comforting. Jeonghan’s hand released yours then gently ran a hand up your arm to your shoulder. She is so gentle. A calm presence. I’m scared she will be so different later on when awake. 

Trauma changed people. We just need to support her through the changes. Minghao’s voice piqued your interest, not hearing the door open of anything else really. 

Are you kicking us out? Cheol huffed. 

Yeah kinda. Mingyu answered next. We won the coin toss against most of Dreamcatcher and I made food back at the penthouse. 

There was a loud, gurgly grumble heard close to your body and a stutter left Jeonghan. 

That- okay, maybe I am hungry…

Go, we’ll keep watch. Minghao sounded close, near Joshua’s side you believe. 

Someone kissed your forehead then a soft whisper from Jeonghan to tell you he’d be back soon. Someone took your hand and kissed your knuckles and the last kiss was to your cheek. That sick feeling of being touched jumped tenfold when you were kissed and you desperately tried to push it down. The nausea didn’t last long, they moved away thankfully, but you hated it. Hated that you didn’t, somehow, didn’t feel fully safe. Only Safer than what you were. It didn’t make sense.

They exchanged goodbyes and the scrapping of chairs surrounded you. 

Do you think she can hear us? The tremble that accompanied Seokmin’s voice had you focusing and trying to internally force yourself to wake up. 

I’d like to believe so. Minghao hummed. Even if she couldn’t, I’d still think she could to give me a sliver of peace. 

Mingyu sighed. Once she wakes up, I’m going to cook all her favorite foods like she did for me. 

I don’t think any of us will let her raise a finger for herself for a while. Seokmin’s comment had the three snickering. 

She might go crazy if she doesn’t get to do something. 

“He isn’t wrong.” You scoffed. “I’d like to see them try to make me stay still.”

Mouse is putting up one hell of a fight in there. 

Of course she is, she is a fighter! Mingyu huffed. And when she wakes up, we can tell her that she is a strong person. Mouse’ll feel like she lost all confidence and will feel really weak. We gotta hype her up. 

One of them took a deep breath before a long, wobbly sigh followed. You felt the air on your arm and shivered in the void. 

Wonwoo is getting a note for an emergency leave of absence from work, but…She might have to quit. I don’t want to make that decision for her but the people above me are starting to ask too many questions. Seokmin groaned . And I have to go back, but I told Cheol that I am gonna quit too. There is no way I can stay there with all the questions and rumors. 

Minghao clicked his tongue. Maybe it's for the best. Whoever did this could be vindictive enough to expose us and you both should get out of there. I never liked the idea to begin with. 

I spoke to Jongho earlier. Mingyu hummed and you felt a pinkie link with yours. He said we need to tear apart her apartment and find this chicken pot pie recipe she has from her grandma. He rambled that she made it when needing comfort or during special occasions. 

Didn’t she make it for Christmas? 

You sighed and laughed, smiling at nothing. “Of course that little shit would remember that to tell them. 

Have either one of you told her what happened before you joined SVT? The question from Minghao caught your interest. 

Last week she asked and we talked . Seokmin answered. Why? 

I dunno. I thought telling her would let her know we’ve all had some sort of trauma. That we understand that moving forward isn’t easy sometimes. 

Mingyu snorted. Okay, dude, some of your stories are insane though. I was just a gambler that was really good at card counting. 

You spend six months in jail, scammed other inmates with your card counting, and got the shit kicked out of you. There was an unamused tone in Seokmin’s voice. 

Seven months in jail and a five-thousand dollar fine, thank you very much. Oh! And I’m banned from ten casinos worldwide. I’m the only one in this group with a federal record and was on probation. 

Congrats, you were a prison bitch. 

Nothing wrong with that. It was stupid how proud Mingyu sounded, but he was one of your idiots so… Out of the three of us, Hao, yours is the most complex. 

I won’t compare our stories, we all have had different experiences with life. Minghao tried to justify but the silence that followed had him scoffing. Okay, shut up with your expressions. 

Yeah, can’t compare mr. ‘I’m a trained assassin’. Sure. Mingyu snarked but chuckled either way. Truly you are the drama movie life here. 

Him and Jun. 

For two cry babies that could barely breathe earlier, you both sure yap a lot. 

Don’t act like we didn’t see you silently crying in the corner. 

“You all argue like children.” This was a nice change from the tears you guessed. 

They shared a laugh, a warm, fuzzy feeling flooding your heart.

Come on, tell Mouse your story, or do we need to leave the room to give you some privacy? Seokmin snorted his words out, hearing Minghao sigh in return. 

Both of you are insufferable. 

Insufferably irresistible~ Mingyu hummed. 

Maybe you should leave, both of you. Minghao cleared his throat. 

Fine, but I’m going to see if Yunho has food here. Come on, Seok. 

The pitter patter of footsteps faded and a familiar hum came from the youngest of the three. 

I’m not really sure if you can hear me… Mingyu said he kinda could when he got shot… Minghao sighed through his nose. I grew up in a place that trained children to be assassins. Think…Avengers Black Widow but not as dramatic. Though- Okay, maybe from the outside it is dramatic. 

He laughed to himself, his voice sounded closer when he spoke next. Anyways…Jun and I have similar backgrounds actually. Trained killers that really didn’t know any other way of life. It’s why I indulge a lot in the finer things now. I didn’t even know my parents because of my upbringing. It’s why Jun is also a little childish, but we understand each other decently. It’s why I’m great with a gun and fighting. It’s why I know every way in and out of a building I walk into. 

I’ve hurt many people, seen horrors I didn’t and still don’t know how to explain. Most of my scars couldn’t even compare to the ones you’d be waking up to. 

I used to be told that emotions were faulty things that hindered the job I needed to get done. If we cried, they’d punish us. If we, as children, threw tantrums, we were locked in these pitch black rooms so we could reflect on our mistakes. For so long, it was all I knew. Missions, debrief, repeat, nothing else mattered. 

He took a shallow breath, linking pinkies with you as Mingyu did earlier. 

Someone that managed me – I guess I’d call her my handler – was sweet, always trying to break the emotionless shell I was. She was an amazing cook and made me try food from all over the world. Looking back, in a lot of ways, you remind me of her. Maybe that’s why I became close with you. You both are easy to talk to, when I learned to speak for myself in her case. 

She was the one that helped me leave them. It took a while but she did it and I was…free for once. However, for a period of time, I was alone until she got out too. He chuckled quietly. I survived off ramen and rice for two weeks until she came. She said we needed to flee the country so we came here. We weren’t here long until someone came to kill us. 

“Let me guess…Jun.” You laughed. 

And that is the story of how I met one of my brothers in person- Minghao giggled. But really, he tried to kill us under orders and I knocked him the hell out. Don’t think he expected the lamp to the back of the head, gave him a decent scar under his hair. Truthfully, I can’t even place how we got him to defect so easily. 

“Maybe it was the concussion you gave him, Hao.” 

The only problem after was finding a purpose. All our lives were as I said earlier. Then…she died in an accident. She was crossing the road and a truck’s brakes stopped working and it hit her. She died instantly, thankfully she didn’t suffer, and it was the first time I cried since I was a child. Jun and I were really alone after that. We applied to jobs with no experience and we stumbled upon Seungkwan and Chan by accident. 

“Note to self, ask about Seungkwan’s background…” You snorted. 

Seungkwan took us in, no questions asked and gave us a home. We all ended up meeting Jeonghan together and worked to build up Pledis and SVT. I…it was dumb maybe, but I asked if I could continue to do as I was trained, even if it was a little bit, if needed. It was the only thing I was good at at that time. They helped me grow into the person I am today, and I’m grateful for them always supporting me and having my back. 

He gripped your hand gently in both of his, thumb rubbing the back of your hand. When you wake up, Mouse, I’d like you to learn her name, my handler, but you need to ask me once- 

Alright, loser, we gave you plenty of time to spill your guts. And we have raided their snacks. Mingyu’s voice boomed through the room, the sound of bags crunching and crackling getting closer. I left a hundred bucks so no one gets mad. 

Slowly, their conversation came secondary to the tired, lethargic feeling that crept up. Your brain was fatigued, overworked, and you let their voices ease you into full unconsciousness.

Your eyes fluttered open to the divine smell of freshly baked, warm pot pie.

Confused, you weren’t met with the dark void, but rather your childhood bedroom laying in bed with your childhood sheets. 

You barely remembered it truthfully. The furniture and all the pictures on the wall were so foreign, a distant memory, long forgotten. You weren’t even close to the same person this room reflected. This person, this girl , had very different dreams, a blood family even if it was hiding an addiction secret, and a decent amount of stability. She wanted to be a nurse to help people like her father did. 

All those dreams got crushed the day her parents died. 

“Little Bear, are-” The door to your old room opened and your breath caught in your throat, seeing your grandmother standing before you. “Oh! You’re awake, I made your favorite.” 

Staring at her, any words that were in your mind slipped into the abyss and faded away. 

She looked so full of life, smiling brightly at you like you were the only thing that mattered. Her hair was neat, make up neatly done, and her favorite wash-faded, fuchsia apron wrapped around her front that you got her many many years ago. 

“Aren’t you hungry, Little Bear?” She stepped over and brushed some hair over your shoulder. “You haven’t eaten in so long, you must be. You are looking a little thin.” 

“I’m-” Swallowing thickly, you continued to take her in, seeing her for the first time since she passed away. “How-” 

“Come on, I’ll explain downstairs.” Your grandmother took your hand and gently got you up, leading you out of the room. 

Your home was the same as you vaguely remembered, homey and orderly. Your mother never left a mess, a busy body needing to fulfill her stay at home wife role. The floral scent with mild hints of cinnamon was nostalgic to say the least. Mom always loved making common buns…Dad’s favorite treat… 

“Are-” 

“It’s complicated, Little Bear.” She started, bringing you into the kitchen. “You and I don’t have a whole lot of time together. I wanted you to myself for a little while before they returned.” 

“I don’t understand, Gigi. How am I seeing you?” You sat down on a stool by the kitchen island, trying to wrap your head around everything. 

“Because you are here to choose, Y/N. You need to choose what you want.” She patted your cheek gently. “But you already knew that, sweetie.” 

“This doesn’t make any sense. Aren’t you supposed to make me want to stay?” 

“Now why would I do that? You have a home waiting for you out there.” She busied herself with getting the food from the oven, placing them on the counter to cool. “I’m here to see you and only you, not lead you to a place you don’t want to be. You don’t wanna be here, Little Bear. You have your whole life ahead of you.” 

“Are mom and dad-” 

“They will be here a little later.” She hummed, sliding a ramekin over to you with a fork. “They are the ones you need to fight against.” 

Eyeing her signature dish, you deflated, letting tears rim your eyes. “I miss you, Gigi. Nothing has been the same without you.” 

Lifting your head, you watched her come to your side and pull you into a hug, kissing your cheeks. “I’ve missed you so much, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted this to happen, but it’s too soon. You don’t deserve to be here.” 

She sat down beside you and for a while, you rambled on about your life, what happened and how things have turned out. You told her all about your idiot plan of breaking into a warehouse but how it led you to an amazing (fucked up) group of people that you love. She gave you a high five when you told her you didn’t have one but two significant others and laughed when you told her how you ended up with each of them. 

Gigi ended up leading you into the living room and sat you down on the couch, kissing your forehead. She took a seat beside you and booped your nose, smiling all the while grabbing the remote. Furrowing your brow, you went to voice why she was going to turn on the TV, but a harsh gust of air whirlwinded you into a movie theater, the big screen staring back at you.

“I remember when you first joined me in the kitchen to help me cook. You were about four and a half and you cried your eyes out until I got that step stool for you to stand on.” 

The screen came to life with your standing beside her, kneading dough for biscuits that she was making for a small family gathering. You were all giggly and smiling, flour covering your shirt and cheeks. Gigi stood beside you, hands on her hips and she shook her head. She said something about you needing a thorough bath later and you squealed with joy. She got you a circular cookie cutter, helping you cut and shape each ball and placing them on a baking sheet. 

“And I’m so glad that your love for cooking never stopped as you got older.” 

The scene faded to you standing in SVT’s kitchen, laughing at the absolute mess Vernon made of a container of ricotta cheese. 

He, wanting to help and learn something to cook, asked if he could be your pseudo sous chef to make the multiple pans of lasagna. You gave him the first easy task of mixing the ricotta in a bowl with parmesan and mozzarella cheese to make a perfect blended layer in your dinner. Vernon went to dump the tubs of ricotta into the bowl but the container slipped from his hand and splattered all over the floor. 

He looked like a deer in headlights, mouth agape and he stared down at the mess he caused. You were going to pee yourself from how hard you were laughing. 

Seungkwan had rushed in from down the hall as you screamed, gasping for air. He too stared at the mess, disbelief written all over his face, before helping you clean everything up. He grumbled that the cheese got everywhere, but laughed when Vernon continued to apologize. 

“And I’m glad you’ve found other people that you care about and love.” 

Your second to last 99 line meet up at your apartment flashed on the screen. Games, movies, and a lot of drinking. You laughed and enjoyed the night despite the downfall that was happening around you. They cheered you up and made you feel safe at that moment. 

“Those SVT boys are waiting for you. You’ve found yourself a nice family, Little Bear. Though, you’ve seemed to have gotten into some trouble recently.”

You peered over to her and sighed, sinking into your seat. “I know. They are good people and they make me happy…Me getting hurt…I don’t blame them for that.”

She reached over and placed her hand on yours, giving it a gentle squeeze. “And you shouldn’t but will you be able to handle the reality of waking up?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Sweetie, you know what I mean.” Gigi looked you in the eyes before glancing to your joined hands and that skin crawling uncomfortability creeped up once more. 

You flinched your hand back, leaning away from her. 

Another gust of wind whipped you back into your living room. Looking around, your grandmother was standing at the front window, peeking past the curtains then rushed to you, grabbing your shoulders. 

“You need to wake up, Y/N. Don’t let them tell you otherwise, do you understand me?” She was a little frantic, giving you a shake so she knew you were paying attention. “I love you, Little Bear. It was so good to see you after so long-” 

“Y/N, we’re home!” The crystal clear ring of your mother’s voice was heart stopping. 

Right before you, your grandmother was gone. You looked around but she was nowhere to be seen. 

Stepping into the living room, your mother smiled brightly, placing her worn but well loved purse down on the coffee table. She took your hands and pulled you to your feet, taking you in from head to toe. She cupped your cheeks and swiped the stray tear that you didn’t know fell away. You heard the door open again and your father came into view, dressed in his police uniform. 

“It’s good to see you back home, Y/N.” Your mother said, stroking your cheek with her thumb. “I missed you, Sweet Pea.” 

“Look at you,” The joy and astonishment in your father’s tone had you holding your breath. “My little girl is all grown up. I never thought I’d see the day.” 

“Come, we need to eat dinner, we need to talk! There is so much we need to catch up on. You have to tell us how life has been. I bet everything has been great-” Your mother pulled at your hand, and her words had you tugging out of her grip. 

“Great? Are you kidding?” Frowning, you stared at both of them. “For so long, nothing was remotely okay. You both died and no one in the family wanted me!”

“But- But look at you now!” She waved you off, motioning you over. “Aside from the little mishap here, you are doing great! But…we miss you, Sweet Pea. You should stay. Stay right where you belong with us.” 

Your father stepped close, placing an opened hand on your upper arm. “You shouldn’t leave us, Y/N. We could all be a family again, just like you’ve wanted.” He tried to gently push you into the kitchen but you resisted, moving into the middle of the living room. 

“No, we can’t do that more. I…I don’t want that anymore.” You shook your head, trying to collect your thoughts. “Both of you chose addiction over your own child! You are dead and I’m laying in some clinic bed wanting to go back to the people I call my family now!” 

“But they aren’t your family, Y/N. They aren’t blood. Look what they let happen to you!” Your mother rushed towards you, turning you around to come face to face with a long mirror. 

Your shirt was gone but your chest was covered, able to see every cut, bruise, scabbing skin, and the branding staring back. Your heart beat oddly, like it skipped a beat, and the heaviness settled in your chest that was felt in your throat. Shaking off the fluttering feeling in your chest, you turned back to them and the pure white void surrounded you, both of your parents dressed in white while you were in black.

“Baby, just come with us. You won’t have to be in pain when you wake up. You can be with your grandma too!” Your mother begged, hugging your father’s arm. “Forever, Y/N. You could be with us forever. You don’t have to hurt anymore.” 

“I-” Frantically, you looked around, anxious in the bright space, needing a way to escape. “I want to go home – going with you, that isn’t home anymore. That stopped being home the day you left me.” 

Taking a step back, you felt that same flutter in your chest, gasping for air to ease it. 

“They want me,” You forced out a breath, tears in the corner of your eyes. “SVT wants me, ATZ wants me, DC wants me, so many people want me to wake up. They’ve wiped my tears, they’ve brought me genuine happiness, and they’ve never judged me for being myself. They’ve made me remember what familial love is with you gone and I’m not going to break their hearts like you broke mine.” 

“We never meant to hurt you, Y/N.” Your father held your wife, looking remorseful. 

“But you did and somewhere along the way I forgave you, and I need to get back to them. I need to wake up, mom, dad…” Approaching your parents, you pulled them into your arms and hugged them tightly. “I love you both for bringing me into this world, but I love them more for saving me from myself.” 

“You…You have grown up into an amazing woman, Sweet Pea.” Your mother and father kissed your cheeks, tears running down their faces. “I couldn’t be more proud of you.” 

“I don’t wanna see you go.” Your father wiping his head, sighing. “But…your grandmother is right…you aren’t meant to be here. Be happy with them…” 

“I will, and I am.” Parting them from, you turned around, facing the familiar black door, watching it open and beckoning you inside. 

“Go one, I think they are waiting for you.”

Looking over your shoulder, you gave them a sad smile. “I love both of you…and I’m sorry…” 

You gave them a wave, whispering a goodbye as you stepped through the door, letting the darkness consume you.

…fuck up- I don’t want us to get caught. Yunho sighed, I snuck you in to be nice but if Seonghwa sees or hears us, I’m screwed. 

Then be quiet, idiot. Mingi snickered. 

You felt more…lucid, or what you thought was lucid. 

Well, you didn’t have to bring us in here. Wooyoung teased and the sound of a slap followed. Ow, hey! 

None of you left him or Yeosang alone to get us in here. Gahyeon sounded close, sighing and someone, probably her, fixed your blanket. 

Ah…99 line were all there, not just ATZ. 

She’s been out for five days. There was worry and exhaustion in Chan’s voice when he spoke up opposite of Gahyeon. None of the guys and I have had a moment of good rest in days. 

You’ve been out…for five days? How is that possible? It couldn’t have been that long?

She just needs time, Chan. Gahyeon spoke again. We don’t know what demons she is fighting in there.  

While you were still semiconscious, you weren’t floating or falling in the void. Any attempt to look around was only met with darkness, you couldn’t see yourself. There was a chill on your skin, a twinge of pain in each hair from what you guessed was IVs. Pain subtly radiated through your limbs, the brand on your chest itched excruciatingly, but your arms were heavy, probably from no proper movement in days. Your mouth was horribly dry and your throat hurt when you breathed in through your nose. 

Things were starting to come back to you, the reality of the whole situation, not something conjured up by your head. 

You were waking up – or, you were getting there. 

“She looks so peaceful despite everything.” Yeonjun hummed to your right. “I hope the time she has spent resting will be good once she wakes up.” 

“Mingyu and Jongho found the recipe in her kitchen and keeps trying to recreate it from what he remembers from Christmas. He has had so many of us trying it.” Chan huffed, “Nothing has been close to her though. She…made it so perfect.” 

“What are you all doing here?” Jongho’s voice had the rest going quiet. “You are lucky Seonghwa is asleep right now. He texted me earlier to check on her since you two were supposed to be resting too.” 

You assumed he meant Yunho and Yeosang. 

“Did you expect anything else?” Mingi asked. 

“No, but there are a lot of you here. What if she wakes up and you all crowd her?” 

Changbin chuckled. “Then we back up.” 

“Shut up, loser.” Wooyoung scoffed. 

You took a deep breath in, swallowing dryly. 

“Guys-” Gaheyon slapped someone a few times to get their attention. 

When your eyes first opened, you grimaced at the bright light, struggling to adjust. The white ceiling stood out to you before multiple heads popped into your blurred vision. Both of your hands were grabbed and too many people were rapid fire talking at once. Someone was crying, you couldn’t tell who, they crowded closer, and you were getting overwhelmed.

You flinched away from them, inwardly with nowhere to go, and your breathing started to quicken. They were too close, not enough space to breathe. The heart monitor started to beep loudly, feeling the organ beat violently in your chest, and the sound was the tipping point to send you into a panic attack. They started to back off, giving your space, and your hands were released. There was an angry shout before Seonghwa came into your line of sight. In your panic, you didn’t realize you had ripped the IVs from your hands and you were bleeding. 

You tried to voice that you couldn’t breath, gasping for air as your hands moved frantically to convey your distress. He – thankfully – picked up on your message and grabbed an oxygen mask and blasted the air as he helped it over your head and onto your face. You weakly pushed yourself up and Yeosang hurried to raise the back of the bed for you. 

“All of you out!” Seonghwa ordered with a boom to his voice, standing before the group of your friends, all in different states of confusion and concern. “Now.” 

“Guys…come on.” Yunho’s head hung but 99 line left with tears and whispers of apologies in their wake. 

Once the door was shut firmly behind them, Seonghwa turned back towards you, eyes riddled with worry. Your breathing started to even out but your hands shook vigorously at your panic, trying to clasp them together to the best of your abilities. 

“Mouse…” Seonghwa slowly strided closer, sitting on a chair beside your bed. 

Unintentionally you flinched away from him and hugged yourself, protecting yourself weakly. He cringed at the reaction, eyes scanning over you while giving a moment of brevity before diving into what needed to be done. Squeezing your eyes shut, you breathed in through your nose and out your mouth. 

“I won’t touch you unless I really need to.” Seonghwa spoke softly, reassuring your worries. “But you will need to at least talk to me. I promise you I will not say anything to anyone if you don’t want me to, but if you plan to harm yourself in any way, I will break that promise.” 

“Can I have some water?” Your throat was screaming, hoarse and sore from how dry and unused it was. “Please.”

He was quick to get you a cup of water and straw, placing it on the small table beside your cot so there would be no touch shared. You downed it in one go, gasping at the sweet relief that flooded your throat. He took his seat once more after getting another cup just in case, sighing through his nose.

“I’ve been giving you some painkillers and antibiotics. You are probably hungry so I can get you whatever you’d like – anything you’d like. I think it’s well deserved. 

“Have I really been out for five days?” 

Seonghwa gave a small nod. “You were taken on the thirtieth. We searched all day and night. And we didn’t find you until January first. Today is the sixth and it’s-” He glanced down at his watch. “Four in the morning, Jesus Christ.” 

You glanced around the room, taking in the different cots, the multitude of locked medical cabinets, and a shiver shot down your spine. Your skin crawled, out of place and uncomfortable; it was too white, clear, pure , and it reminded you too much of your void you escaped. 

“You don’t have to give me any details, however I’ve been running around trying to figure out what has made your heartbeat a little weird when we got you here.” 

Sucking in a deep breath, you turned your attention back to him. “They…They injected a higher dose of epinephrine than what's in an epipen. I-” Dropping your gaze, you tried wrapping your head around everything. “I heard you question or whatever that my heart stopped. I remember my heart was beating really fast, like it was in my throat and ready to jump out, then it slowed down quickly and I passed out or maybe-” 

Seonghwa stopped you, holding his hand out so as to not push you further. “It’s okay. It just means I’ll want to monitor your heart a little while longer. Would it be okay to ask about the burns on your sides?” 

“Wet sponges and either a generator or something, some things are still fuzzy and my head hurts.” Your lie was weak, you simply didn’t want to relieve all of the pain right now, there was already a pit in your stomach as heavy as a boulder. 

“Yeosang, Jihoon, and I bandaged and cleaned you up the best we could. I asked Sona and a few women she trusted to do anything else since I didn’t know how comfortable you were… We could only do so much about the…branding. Once it heals, we can look into plastic surgery for you-” 

“When can I go home?” 

“Home-?” He stuttered, collecting his thoughts and nodded, this soft, caring side of him show. “If you let me examine you one more time and promise to rest, I don’t see why you couldn’t go home later today. I’ll get a portable heart monitor you could wear on your chest that is all for you as well. I need to order it though.”

Only nodding to him, Seonghwa stood and you flinched once more. “Do you just want to get this done before people show up and I’m already awake?” 

Wordlessly, you nodded for the second time and he quickly shut the privacy curtain just in case. Seonghwa took his time mainly for your sake. He touched you as little as possible and apologized each time you flinched, but overall asked you to move your limbs to show him what he needed. He did get bandages for your hands that you placed on independently. He explained the signs of a concussion; heightened agitation, lack of focus, weird eating patterns, and asked to let him know if your headache persisted longer than a few days. When you needed to stand, your knees buckled and you fell to the floor, yelping in pain. 

It took all your willpower to let him help you up. If he noticed how you tensed up despite him gripping your clothes more than you, he said nothing. He gave you plenty of space after, giving you breathing room before you attempted to stand again, holding into the bed. Seonghwa explained it was mostly from being bedridden for days and to not beat yourself up about it. 

When he was somewhat satisfied with your mobility, he further went on about wanting to change the bandage on your chest, but offered to take you to the bathroom with the mirror and walk you through the process on your own. As per…third degree burn treatment, he had been changing the sterile bandages and placing an antibiotic cream on it to not risk any infection so close to your heart. It would, sadly, take a month or two to fully heal, but he was sure it would heal without an issue as long as you cared for it. You took his offer to learn how to change the dressings for at home care, but you wanted to see how it looked… 

Seonghwa hesitated for a moment, the discomfort evident on his face, but he agreed, knowing you’d have to see it sooner or later either way. He guided you into the bathroom after gathering what was needed and stood silently in the corner of the bathroom, staring at you concerned as you unbuttoned your shirt enough to remove the bandage. 

It looked…gross to put it lightly. The skin was swollen and irritated, dry as hell around the edges of it. The brand spot itself was white with spots of brown and red, blistering too, seeing the lower layer of your skin, which looked slimy and had bile burning the back of your already sore throat. You were lucky the shirt they changed you into was button up style and you could cover a majority of it while resting here. 

As promised, Seonghwa guided you through the proper dressing procedure and cleaning, saying he’d send enough supplies for a little while home with you. He pointed to himself a lot which you watched in the mirror to guide you, answering any questions you had. 

You could already hear commotion outside as you placed the last piece of medical tape to secure the bandage. Hesitantly despite the curiosity, you rolled up the sleeves and stared at the healing handprint bruises on your forearms and upper arms.

Staring at yourself for a moment, you cowered at the memories that raced through your mind. Every moment felt fresh, you would probably feel scared and uncomfortable for a long while. Hell, you were kinda scared to shower giving the drawing you experienced. Your body ached and all your nerves were alight with anxiety. 

“Do you want me to ask them to leave?” He asked, placing the garbage in the trash. “Or-” 

“I-” You fully buttoned your shirt, sighing at your bruised face and split lip. “I want to see if I can handle it with them…” 

“Are you sure?” Glancing at him in the mirror, Seonghwa looks nervous for you. He didn’t look a smidge confident. 

“I don’t have much of a choice, Seonghwa.” Sighing again, you made sure your sleeves were fully rolled down and checked yourself one last time in the mirror.

You looked tired, one could say ragged. Someone had braided your hair so it didn’t get knotted and tangled, probably Sona. Your skin was begging for a proper shower and you wanted your coziest sweater to sleep in. Everything was going to be weak as you healed, you just hoped that you’d be able to have some normal feelings soon. 

“Let’s do this.” You whispered to yourself and moved to the door. 

You could feel Seonghwa’s looming presence behind you, that prickling anxiety giving your goosebumps. With one final breath in, you pushed the door open, tensing at the hoard of eyes full of worry and tiredness staring at you. 

Chan tried to call out to stop them, but Jeonghan, Joshua, and Seokmin rushed forward and you recoiled away from them. They were talking quickly, loud , and at least one of them was crying. They were touching your hands, arms, and someone was holding your face gently. Someone else was telling them to stop, but they argued, not that you could hear the exchange with the blood rushing past your ears. You were breathing hard again, heart beating out of your chest, trying to push them away and struggling as the rush of the members of Monsta X holding you down flooded back. You didn’t know if you were verbalizing things, your panic attack scrambling your thoughts, but your body felt like it was on fire. Your lungs burned, your skin growing flush, and you were starting to sweat.

Every fiber in your body screamed that it was in danger – you were in danger. 

Someone yelled – wait – you think you yelled, screamed . 

“Back up!” Seonghwa yelled like earlier, grabbing you and pushing you back into the bathroom. 

Your back pressed into the freezing cold tiles and you slid down to the floor. There was shouting and the door slammed with a harsh thunk, the sounds outside muffled. 

Hugging your knees, you tried to stop yourself from shaking, rocking yourself back and forth comfortingly, sucking in short breaths to regulate. The pins and needles feeling was slowly building in your hands and feet, you were lightheaded and so glad for the cool temperature in the bathroom. 

You didn’t know how long it was until the bathroom door opened next. It was much quieter, but Jongho and Sona stared down at your broken form when you looked up. You tried to look past their legs, able to see many other sets of feet in the distance still. 

“It’s okay.” You’ve never heard Sona speak so softly before. She squatted down, keeping her distance. “You can come out.” 

“Everything hurts.” You sounded congested, complaining tiredly, and she scoffed while Jongho gave a sad smile. 

“Well yeah, that’s what happens when you pull out your IVs and don’t have any pain meds and have two panic attacks. Duh.” 

Jongho looked over his shoulder and huffed, whispering his words. “Seonghwa is giving them an earful.” 

“They deserve it for being fucking stupid.” Sona rolled her eyes, clearly unhappy after learning what happened. 

Slowly you peeled yourself off the floor, huffing out in exertion. Your sides hurt, your chest itched, and you think you were hungrier under all the heightened emotions. Sona placed herself between you and the rest with Jongho trailing behind, walking out to the open medical room. 

“That was the most reckless thing you could have done, do you know that?” Seonghwa’s tone and the tearful expressions most wore was enough to know the scolding and scare they got. 

“I want to go home.” You cut Seonghwa off before he could continue and there was a mix of reactions staring back. “I want to go home now.”

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[sacredcyber]

I Think I Like When It Rains

A soft smutty SilverV oneshot, 3k words. A/n: fem V from a corpo background, nsfw.

The long trek towards her northside apartment was unusually silent and painfully dull. Normally Johnny's comments would be firing at a rapid pace. When can they start looking for Alt? Let him take control just for an evening, take a smoke break. Instead she found herself walking through night city alone, in the rain, shooting off random questions hoping it’d rouse him from whatever recess of her mind he’d hidden himself in. Nothing. No answers at all, not even a huff of frustration.

‘It’s fine.’ She thinks to herself. ‘It’ll be like that when he’s gone.’ And that thought brings out a burn in her throat. Something pained and sharp has burrowed itself in her chest and made itself home. V stops short at the corner about a block away, she leans against a light post and sighs.

‘You’re being weird again.’

It’s her voice but it’s not. The sudden realization dawns on her that Johnny could read her thoughts. It makes her feel exposed. She quickly runs the block home in the downpour, the rain soaking through her too big tank top and leather pants.

After fidgeting with the broken card reader, V stumbles inside her small apartment. The pink neon lighting and blue beaded curtains make it feel so homey, so lived in. She remembered the day she bought it, Johnny berated her about her lack of taste. V wanted to tell him about her luxury condo she had to give up when she got sacked, but a sudden wave of shame had washed over her and she simply answered with a small hum in agreement. Arasaka seems like a lifetime ago. Another life, another person, another V. Her Watson home was too painful to stay in after Jackie died, the memories of the both of them shooting the shit, Misty coming by after her shift with tacos and yakitori were all things of the past. The northside apartment had become like a sanctuary, she could be at peace here in this small shoebox of a room.

Just her, Nibbles and her tapeworm.

As she crosses the threshold, a friendly meow greets her. Nibbles jumps off the arcade cabinet and rolls on her back exposing her equally bald tummy. V chuckles and closes the door behind her, as she bends down to bless the feline with a generous scratch behind her ears, she can hear the familiar sound of Johnny’s static reappearing.

He groans and makes his way over towards the armory. V pretends not to notice him, not to be excited he’s left whatever shell he was in earlier. Instead she fishes out a pack of cat food for nibbles and walks over towards a small porcelain bowl.

Johnny immediately moves away and heads over to the bed, she watches him out of the corner of her eye. He’s a bit tense, wound up. As if he could sense her questioning gaze he simply lights up a cigarette. “I’m tired.”

“You’re tired?” V asks incredulously. Johnny’s static form stutters a bit as he shifts himself onto her small bed. “Well actually you’re tired. I’m just feeling it too.” He mumbles. V makes a face, this fucking guy. “I thought engrams don’t need to sleep?” She stands and walks over towards him, his legs planted firmly on the linoleum floor. A heavy sigh escapes his lips. “You really gonna fight me over this? Fuck V...” The bite he normally has in his voice is mostly gone, Johnny sounds exhausted, miserable. She sighs, the day's events hadn’t been easy on them, the sudden rainstorm plus the non working fast travel pods around the city only added to her frustration. If only her car wasn’t in the shop, she could have just driven home.

Nope, it was just her trudging through the rain. Now she’s home, dripping wet and muscles aching. V sighs, there’s no fight in her, hell she’s not even hungry. All she wants is a hot shower and sleep. “You can sleep with me tonight.” She mumbles. Johnny looks up as V begins to turn away, “ I know you don’t need to but…”

“But what?” He asks, ready to tease her. “Someone’s eager to get me into bed.” He observes her as she slips her boots off.

“You seem…I don’t know…off? Quiet maybe.” She says before disappearing into the bathroom. Johnny scoffs, before he knows it he’s in the bathroom ready to argue.

“As if I-“ he begins before he stops himself. V stands topless in front of the shower, her wet samurai top already on the ground, her hands on her pants zipper. She raises an eyebrow. “What? Never seen tits before?” She turns around and begins to remove her pants, Johnny knows he should fuck off right now, give her some kind of privacy. But something’s compelling him to stay, see what happens, V doesn’t seem to mind it.

“Wasn’t expecting to see yours.” He chuckles. “Didn’t know my little corpo rat was an exhibitionist is all.” V turns the shower on trying not to focus on the “my little corpo rat” comment, he notices the way her breasts jiggle a bit, they’re bigger than he’s used to, Johnnys always had a penchant for petite women, V’s musculature had been a bit of a turn off for him, recently he’s been rethinking that.

She turns to face him and something in Johnny’s chest tightens. She’s bare, with nothing but his tags on. Something about that does it for him, maybe it’s her lack of aggression or just how intimate it feels. “Not gonna take those off too?” He lifts his cybernetic hand and places his fingertip onto the tag, V can feel slight pressure there. She cocks her head a bit, “I’ve never taken them off.” She says following his wandering hand as it travels from the tags to her navel. She can feel him and she doesn’t know how or why, but she doesn’t want to think about it. She doesn’t want to ruin it.

V makes a motion with her hand, “You coming in?” Johnny is a bit stunned, he’s not used to V being so nonchalant about contact. Normally she’s very cagey about him being near her. He doesn’t blame her, especially since their meeting was terrible. He’s conflicted, but the need for touch is overwhelming. “You want me to?” He asks, hesitation sprinkles his words. V nods. ‘Yes’ she thinks and so he follows.

V stands under the hot shower, the steam feels so comforting, like a warm blanket hugging her. As she stretches she can feel her back bump into something solid. As she reaches back Johnny catches her hand, his ganic hand gently caresses hers. She hesitates but turns to face him, he’s there naked as the day he was born, only with the addition of that familiar blue static. She studies him, he’s definitely handsome, not that she wanted to admit that but something about his little grin tells her he already knows that. Her eyes wander from his dark brown eyes to his sloped nose down to his happy trail, she lifts her head to face him, not wanting to focus on the obvious.

“You look like you got questions.” He murmurs. V looks for her shampoo. “Can you feel the water?” He nods. “Yeah, feels nice, I guess it feels nice to you.” He moves to stand under the shower head, it merely goes through him but V supposes it adds to the experience.

She grabs the coconut shampoo and begins to work up a lather. Her back is towards him, “Where did you go?” She asked. Johnny notices a slight hitch in her voice, he watches as she scrubs her scalp. He steps in and replaces her hands with his, lightly massaging the product into her hair. “Can’t exactly go anywhere…” he avoids the question. V steps under the shower head, her back pressed against Johnny's chest. He watches as the shampoo runs over her breasts down her toned stomach. His hands move from her scalp to the sides of her waist, before he grabs her and presses her firmly against him, his mouth pressed against her ear.

V presses harder against him, he feels so real, so solid against her skin. The only difference is the lingering fuzziness he gives off, maybe it’s the static. “You…didn’t answer my question.” She manages to mumble out, Johnny simply hums “I’m here now.” His metal hand traces down from her collarbone in between her breasts. V wants to prod him, demand he tell her why he left her alone with her thoughts but his touches are so reverent, so gentle.

“I was angry.”

She turns to face him, Johnny’s brown eyes scan her face, he looks vulnerable, soft, uncomfortable. She grabs his ganic hand and presses her face against it, his thumb strokes her cheek. “Did I do something?” He simply shakes his head, everything pisses Johnny off to some extent. The shitty weather, his PTSD, the way Fuckin’ Takemura and River give her those looks when she’s not paying attention. V used to piss him off too, her selflessness, the way she’d always get involved in shit that didn’t concern her, her kindness. Her ability to just give parts of herself to anyone in need.

Now he’s before her, a starved man seeking it out for himself. He hesitates and leans down to press a gentle kiss to her lips. V slowly allows herself to be soft, to be open for him. Love isn’t something you come across in Night City, it’s something you buy for an hour or two. But this isn’t that, this is something else, something that’s needed by both of them.

His kisses are rough, they’re desperate for dominance, to lay a claim on her. She can feel how needy he is, the way his hands press into her bruised back, how his fingers find those sore spots and rub into them. V lets out small pained cries, as she opens her mouth Johnny simply probes deeper. He wants all her sounds and cries, all of them. The good and the bad.

“V…” he whispers, her bitten lips skimming over his down to his neck, she bites into him like forbidden fruit and such as original sin she knows she’s crossed over into temptation. That pained thing that burrowed into her earlier is now growing between her ribs and it flutters so gently she can barely breathe.

How strange.

Johnny grabs V’s face and pulls it to meet his gaze. He wants to see her, needs to see her face when he’s worshiping her. Her eyes are hazed over, glazed in want and desperate for release. He plants more swollen kisses on her lips. “Let’s go to bed.” He whispers hungrily. V turns off the shower and grabs a towel. “Let’s go to bed?” She begins to towel herself off. Johnny simply grins and reappears sitting on the bed, he can see her though the beaded curtains and even though he’s mapped out her curves and scars with his fingers it’s still exciting to see only bits of her behind the blue plastic beads. Like a private show meant only for him, something no one else can have.

Because how could they? No one knows her like he does, no one ever could.

V emerges from the bathroom, her hips sway a bit as she closes in on Johnny’s personal space. “Sit on the bed.” He whispers in that whiskey’d tone. She does as instructed and immediately he appears on the floor in front of her, kneeling. Johnny’s not used to being subservient, but it feels so natural with V, so easy. Like he doesn’t have to be that “rowdy asshole rockerboy” everyone wanted. He’s simply Johnny, touch starved, pent up, needy Johnny.

He slowly trails his fingers over V’s thighs, it makes her shiver under his touch. “Know how frustrating it is watching you play nice with a pig and a corpo dog?” His tone is dangerous with a veneer of playfulness. V raises herself up on her elbows, she watches as Johnny kneads her inner thighs.

“Has Johnny Silverhand always been the jealous type?”

He chuckles, “Possessive might be the better word.” He spreads her legs out further and places a wet kiss on her clit. Her hips buck into his face a bit. “Fuck…” she gasps out. Johnny chuckles “Not yet, I wanna have some fun first.”

His ganic fingers circle her entrance, she’s already wet and dewy but he’s never been one to half ass eating someone out. He doesn’t want to rush anything. “Thinkin’ real hard down there, silverhand?” V’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts. Her half lidded stare and the way she runs her fingers through his tangled hair makes him feel alive again.

“I need you to ride my face.” Before V can protest or tease, Johnny’s already teleported under her. He’s taken the liberty to spread her legs as she precariously balances over his face. She holds on to the wall in front of her. “I-I’ve never done thi-“ Johnny licks a swipe over her clit and she shudders.

“Just relax.” He says as plants a tender kiss on her entrance. “Don’t think, just do.” He presses her wet cunt onto his lips as he moves her hips in rhythm. V holds onto the wall in front of her trying to set a pace for herself, worried she might hurt him.

‘You won’t, trust me. Ride my fuckin face like a cowgirl.’

Before she can even ask what the hell that means, his tongue makes its way inside her. “Oh fuck yes…” she moans as her hips move against him, her clit brushing up against his nose and moustache. Johnny holds her down even tighter against his face, sucking and tongue fucking his way through his host. He wants to make her see stars, to become so undone by his mouth alone that even after death, she’s ruined by him.

“Johnny…john- I’m gonna…” her hips swivel in that familiar way, her pussy tightens around his tongue, she’s looking for it, searching for release. He removes his tongue and replaces it with his fingers relentlessly pounding into her. “Come on V just let it go baby…” he holds her hips and presses his lips onto her stomach as she fucks herself above him. “Goddamn…fuck yes yessss…” she sighs as her climax washes over her.

V wobbles a bit as her legs give out on her. Thankfully Johnny teleports and reappears to help steady herself. She’s on the precipice of sleep, yet it doesn’t stop her from trying to crawl into his lap. He laughs a bit “what are you doin’?” V presses up against him, his cock nestled between her puffy lips.

“I wanna sleep on you like this.” She moves her hips and positions his cock at her entrance. Johnny watches as V slides herself on his thick cock, his girth makes it sting so deliciously. Johnny grins and lays back in bed with V content and filled on his chest. He spreads her legs out over him and slowly fucks into her. He throbs with each stroke.

“This how you want me inside you every night?” He asks, his lips hovering over her ear as he caresses her sore lower back with his metal hand. “Get home from running around this city? Fixing everyone’s fuckin’ problems…” He whispers in her ear as he continues to slowly pump himself inside her. Agonizingly slow.

“That’s what you want right? You want someone to take care of you too.” He grips her hips and plunges himself deep into her core. V calls out for him, begging him to go faster but he relents. “Nah, I wanna savor this, wanna make sure it only fits me from now on.” He bites her harshly and with intent. Savoring the wet sounds they share between them.

“How do you think people would feel? Knowin’ Night City’s golden girl is getting dicked down by the dirty old man living in her head?” He punctuates his question with another harsh thrust. V mewls against him and sobs “t-they wouldn’t….get it!” His pace begins to pick up as he holds her down and fucks into her used hole.

“That’s right, they wouldn’t…but we get it, right baby?” His forehead touches hers as he continues to fuck into her.

“Y-yeah…”

“Yeah? Because we belong to each other. From the day I met you, you’ve been mine, all fuckin’ mine…” he grips her throat with his metal hand and keeps a brutal pace. It’s a strange feeling, the agony and ecstasy of relishing in unhinged coitus, of bearing your ugliness out on the same table you fuck your lover on. It’s liberating because he knows what she’s thinking. There’s no guessing games, he doesn’t feel any fear, no hesitation, just complete and utter synchronicity.

Johnny knows he’s needs it and fuck if V also needs this as well. So he fucks her hard into completion, into submission, into a promise. A silent accord, for as long as they have each other. To have and to hold, to fuck and to kill, however the hell people pledge themselves to each other in this day and age. His very soul belongs to her.

The silence between them is comforting, only the sounds of rain drizzling outside and nibbles playing with the beaded curtains next to the minibar. V slides over to lay on his ganic arm, his heartbeat, his warmth, feels real. She shuts her eyes tight and holds onto him for dear life, as if he’d disappear if she let him go.

A whisper floats through her mind, “I’m not going anywhere.” He promises. He can feel her smile and press herself closer to him, less out of fear and more out of need. He lays and watches the ceiling fade from view, letting sleep take him for the first time in over 50 years.

[drewsbuzzcut]

The Grass Is Greener On The Other Side

Nick Moldenhauer x Dallas Blankenburg

A so it goes fic

Warnings: talks of abortions and pregnancy, some angst, talks of being married, and I think that’s all

Takes place shortly after this

Dallas tosses and turns the entire night, Nick’s words playing over and over again in her head. There are so many emotions for her to sift through and it makes her feel more frustrated. A part of her understands why Nick reacted the way he did, but she’s also bothered by the way he simply pushed her away. They should’ve talked thoroughly instead of him going back to his dorm. They’re married, they should be communicating better.

The sound of Dallas’ front door unlocking reaches her ears. She knows it’s not Sienna as she’s spending the night with her boyfriend. It can only be one person, Nick. He’s the only other person who has a key.

She turns her back to the door, pretending that she’s deep in sleep when she’s really deep in her mind. She tries to still her breathing as she hears him enter her bedroom. The smell of his body wash and shampoo wafts in the air and to her nose, it fills her with a semblance of comfort.

Nick softly drapes another blanket over her body, knowing that she runs cold at night. She hears him fill her water bottle with ice and water, ready for her to drink when she first wakes up. She must’ve been too distracted when she got home, because she’ll usually remember to fill it up. The bed dips next to her and she freezes. Eventually Nick adjusts over all of the blankets on the bed. He then presses a kiss to the back of her head, debating if he should wake her up. Nick stares up at the ceiling, thinking back to every single moment they’ve ever shared. He doesn’t want to lose her, but he won’t force her to stay.

“Dallas,” he whispers when he decides he can no longer wait.

Dallas feels tears spring to her eyes at the use of her middle name. If they are ever arguing, he won’t call her June just to not cross any more boundaries.

She debates whether she should answer him or continue to “sleep.”

“Nick,” she says. She knows that they have to talk. It can no longer be postponed.

“I’m sorry. For everything. I was being an asshole when I should’ve been supporting you. I shouldn’t have shamed you for thinking about your future, unlike me who’s being careless. I just want to do everything with you. I want everything with you. This is the first time I’ve ever felt like this, so I guess I don’t really know how to respond to it. That’s just an excuse, though. No matter what, I should be supporting you. I shouldn’t have gotten mad. I’m so sorry. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And you’re right, we just got married so we need to focus on our marriage. I don’t want to break up, Dallas, but I do understand if you no longer want to be with me,” the second those last few words leave his mouth, Dallas is immediately turning towards him with tears streaming down her face.

“I don’t doubt your love for me, so don’t go thinking that. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to stay. I mean you were hesitant about getting married so young in the first place. Maybe you’re right. As much as it kills me to say this-“

“So don’t say it,” Dallas finally breaks her silence. She sits up, her comforter pooling around her waist as she looks down at her lap.

“I have to, Dallas. This is serious. I don’t want you to be married to me if you’re not ready. I’m not saying breakup. I’m just saying that maybe we should annul our marriage. When we’re both ready, then we can consider getting married again,” he finishes, big, teary eyes staring back at her.

“You scare me. So much. You’re the first real relationship I’ve had, so all of this is still so new to me. I actually feel like I’m behind in our relationship. You love me so hard, and that’s not a bad thing. I just feel like I haven’t shown my love clearly or fiercely. I love you so much, and I do eventually want a family with you. I’m just not ready right now. Who knows, maybe I’ll be ready in a year. I just wish you could see my side of things and not flip out on me. I get that you’re upset, but I don’t want to fight with you,” she cries with her hands hiding her face. She hates crying- even more in front of him.

“I’m sorry. This is all new to me, too. I’ve had relationships, but none of them were real. Not like this. You scare me, too, you know? At any time you can just leave me. You’re the one thing I can’t live without, so I’d be ruined. If you still want to be with me, I’ll show you that I’ll always support you. I’ll be by your side through anything. I’ll spend the rest of my life apologizing for all my wrongs,” he whispers tearfully.

“Stop speaking as if our marriage is over. I didn’t marry you because I felt like I had to. I want to be married to you. I truly feel that I’m ready for our lives together. I would never leave you, Nick. Not unless you gave me a reason to. I just want you to understand that today was really bad. I needed you and you felt so far away. I’m sorry that I didn’t consider your feelings, that was wrong of me. We should’ve had a conversation about the potential pregnancy and how we’d navigate through it, but I was scared. I was scared about the possibility of having a baby and I needed you to fall back on,” she speaks through broken sobs and stuttered breaths. There’s a heavy weight sitting on her chest and it keeps pushing her further under.

“You’re making it seem like I can’t voice my emotions for the sake of being there for you when you need me to. I can’t hold it in, Dallas. You know that’s not healthy.”

She shakes her head with her eyes shut. He doesn't understand what she’s saying.

“No. Tell me how you feel, but don’t throw a temper tantrum. I just want us to be able to talk about our emotions and be there for each other. I don’t want things to be one sided,” she explains, finally looking at him.

“I tried talking to you. You just immediately agreed on abortion as if we both decided that was the best decision. Please don’t think that I think you’re a terrible person for thinking about abortion. It’s a valid choice and an understandable one. I just wanted us to talk about it more rather than you deciding on things by yourself. Yeah, I was being pushy about having a baby, but that’s because I know we can handle it. Or at least I thought we could.”

“I wasn’t trying to ignore your input. But at the end of the day, I did and that’s something I have to work on. I’m not saying I’m perfect. I just want us to work towards better communication. We both have goals, Nick. Ones that won’t allow us to have more distractions than what we already have. We aren’t ready for a baby. Not mentally. I’m really sorry I pushed you to the side,” Dallas reaches out to caress his cheek, her thumb catching all of his tears.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there in the way you needed me to be,” he apologizes again, gripping her wrist so she won’t disappear.

“I love you and I’m glad we’re married. I’m glad you’re my husband,” she leans her forehead against his, her chest feeling a little lighter.

“I love you, June.” Dallas smiles at the use of her first name.

“Can we talk more in the morning? I’m sleepy,” she pushes him to lie down flat and cuddles into his side.

“Of course. I’m glad you’re my wife. I’m glad we’re talking and not fighting. You mean the world to me, so I need to start acting like it,” he says, still haunted by the way he’s been treating his girl as if they aren’t married. As if she isn’t the most special person in his life.

“Stop. This argument didn’t make me feel less or less unloved by you. It just made me realize that we have a lot to discuss, and as long as we talk honestly, we’ll be fine. We’re young and we still have a lot of mistakes to make, but we’ll have each other- as cheesy as that sounds. I’m going to have your babies, Moldenhauer! I’m going to be your wife for as long as we shall live and in the afterlife, I hope you’re ready,” she states, leaning closer and wrapping her limbs around him.

“I’m ready, Moldenhauer,” he finally pulls her into a kiss, one that’s warm and full of love.

The crushing weight that had been sitting on Dallas’ chest and on Nick’s heart, finally dissipates into an ache. It doesn’t cause pain, but it still lingers to remind them of what they will be continually working towards.

a/n: There’s still angst to come😭 but tomorrow is Dallas’ bday, so we can have a little Nick and Dallas day!!

[givethemsmut]

The Pack | Chapter Three

Characters: Dylan O’Brien, fem!reader

Pairing: Dylan O’Brien, Dylan x You

The next morning I woke up naked in Dylan’s bed in absolutely nothing but his buttery soft sheets.

I reached for my phone that I couldn’t find until I leaned over the edge of the bed. Snatching it off the ground I read the time: it was 9:30 AM. My head was rattling and the hand over was in full effect.

There was no way I would have let some stranger take my virginity. Kiss? Sure, we were both drunk. I sat up covering myself. I had no idea if I should wake him or just leave when I opened an app to order an Uber to come pick me up in 15 minuets.

I swiftly got out of his bed and put my clothes back on. Every few seconds I was checking his bed for movement, any signs of him catching me escaping.

I had no idea if Alex was still here. I had ten texts from my dad worried sick and five from Alex about kissing Tyler. I put my converse back on when I noticed a used condom on the floor of his bedroom. Carefully tip toeing to his bedside I lifted the covers to see if he was naked too and he was. Every slender muscle was on display and my body reacted before could be mortified.

I lost my virginity while drunk to a stranger and can’t even remember.

I snuck down stairs and headed to the kitchen to splash some water on my face when he scared the life out of me. “I’m a morning person. Dylan is not.”

“Sorry I didn’t know we fell asleep. Mind if I just wash my hands?”

He pointed to the sink in a form of a yes, “Fell asleep huh?” I shook my head, not entirely sure. I thanked him for inviting and told him I had to run. He simply asked, “Want to me to give him a message? Or Alex? She also fell asleep in my bed. Making us breakfast if you want any.”

I must of looked confused because he returned the look, “Why would I want you to do that? I don’t even know him. Anyways, thanks.” I left ready to get into the Uber that arrived.

Finally home my dad was sitting on the couch looking pensive. He immediately stood up as I stormed through the entrance and started his dad type rant. “Where the hell were you?! You can send a text letting me know not to expect you to come home at all! I was worried sick! I even called Brody!”

I replied, “You did what?! DAD! I’m not speaking to him!”

He poured himself more coffee no doubt he didn’t get any sleep, “Where the hell were you this whole time?!”

“Don’t freak out. Alex and I went to Tyler Posey’s for a party and we didn’t feel comfortable driving so we slept on his couch.” It was a half lie. I know I’m horrible.

He was beyond angry now, “You expect me to believe you slept over Tyler’s house and nothing happened?”

That was his one rule: I had to stay away from his actors.

I sallowed hard. There’s no lying to my dad. “Actually, I got drunk. And technically I fell asleep in Dylan’s bed. He’s in Teen Wolf too.”

He paced behind the kitchen island furiously, “Dylan Fucking O’Brien’s bed?!! I know who he is young lady! I also know his girlfriend of 6 years! I also know he’s a wildcard! You better have used protection!”

Biting my lip, “Well actually I think they broke up. I just want to remind you I’m an adult now and of age to drink.”

He rubbed his face, “Last I knew you were a virgin despite the shenanigans you and Brody put me through.” Which wasn’t weird information for my dad to know. I was open about being a virgin and proud of it. So many girls were having sex at 14 and getting abortions at 18. I didn’t want that life. I didn’t acknowledge his last comment but went up stairs to showered and nurse my headache out the door.

I finally texted Alex after my shower, ignoring Brody’s messages entirely.

ME: Hey girl. I got so drunk. I feel awful.

ALEX: Tyler said you left this morning. You stayed over?

ME: Fell asleep in Dylan’s bed. And then I woke up naked…

ALEX: WTF. You finally had sex?!

ME: It’s all a blur. Can’t remember. But I think the used condom proves it… You and Tyler…?

ALEX: We just made out and watched a movie! Omg!! You’re not a virgin anymore! Celebration?

I didn’t respond. I was trying to dig for memories. I ended up falling back to sleep in my robe. I woke up remembering pieces like kissing him, getting tangled up, him reaching for a condom. Or at least hoping they were memories and no pure fantasy after seeing his chiseled body.

The rest didn’t come to me until I had some coffee and headed back to my room. More memories of Dylan taking off my panties, push down his boxers, pushing inside me, How the condom felt slippery and cold.

I pulled out my Mac to start some homework when my phone buzzed against my leg, it was from Brody. “Your dad called me saying you didn’t come home. I told him you’re too much of a goody two shoes to be in trouble.”

Which was a half truth. Everyone I knew was comfortable popping pills, smoking, drinking and having sex by fourteen. They all blamed growing up in Hollywood while I avoided everything.

I’ve gotten drunk before, Not last night drunk but enough. I’ve smoked. Broken the law. Virgins doesn’t mean you’re 100% pure. I could be evil too.

I quickly texted, I slept over Dylan’s House, full well knowing he has no idea who that was. I didn’t until last night either.

Another memory became less foggy – the feeling of ecstasy. How it felt when he pushed my body over the edge and he kept pushing himself inside me while I came. I felt him shake inside me. I felt him get even harder between my legs. Solid. I got goosebumps remembering. Almost turned on by the feeling, memory.

My dad yelled up stairs that he was going to work and text him if I’m leaving the house. I shouted okay back.

D Y L A N ‘ S P O V

We both had scenes to shoot today. We both popped three Advil and chugged water followed by ginger ale. Today was gonna suck. Posey drove us into the lot today. I had sunglasses and a beanie on in 85 degree weather of sunny LA when he finally asked, “You had somebody stay over?”

I laughed, “Oh Shit! You heard us?” He looked confused, “You know, we were jumping on my bed?”

I watched him crack up as he turned into the lot for check in. He asked, “You didn’t have sex? What about Britt man?”

I got angry remembering, “Fuck her. Oh fuck yeah I did. You know how long it’s been since I’ve gotten any? Britt was gone for 3 months and I didn’t cheat.”

“Bro. We gotta talk.” Pulling into his usual spot and turned off the car, “The girl you fucked last night? He’d dad is Wes. Our producer.”

I was trying to put it all together. “Wait, Wait. That’s why she was on set. Not for you. Holy. Fuck. I’m fucking dead! I fucked our boss’s daughter! What the fuck!” I was paranoid around every corner he was gonna surprise me and murder me for what I did. We had a table read today and two scenes each. We walked into the board room for the read and he was at the head of the table with his arms crossed.

Posey was always seated closer to Wes, and I was next to him, a one one person buffer. I sat down and didn’t look up when I heard, “Ty switch with Dylan.” Of course we had to he’s our boss. Hunched over I was quiet the whole read until my lines.

During a lines taking place at the other end her dad leaned over and said, “Heard you guys had a party. Heard my daughter fell asleep in your bed. Better have been it.”

I didn’t speak, I didn’t want anyone else to hear, I can’t be the guy who fucks crew’s daughters or get blocked by Wes from other jobs. The room cleared out when I felt his hand on my arm stop me from getting up. I looked up and he said, “You can explain then I’m gonna talk. Go.”

I said, “Posey and I had a party. That’s true…” I trailed off hoping it was enough. He waited for me to continue, “We had a lot to drink. I didn’t expect anything to happen. I didn’t even know she was your daughter. I thought she was here visiting Posey when I ran into her the other day.”

He spoke, “My turn. My daughter was a virgin last night. Last I checked you had a girlfriend I’m fond of, Britt. Ring a bell?”

My mouth dropped, “Wait. What. I – I – um – she. What.”

Her dad passed my shoulder and got up without clarifying. I went to my trailer after. I had to get my head back on. I had a job to do but all I could think was I took someone’s virginity without knowing it.

Tyler was waiting in my trailer and asked what happened when I shouted towards him, “She’s a fucking virgin!”

Posey thought he was being a smart ass by saying, “Well not anymore bro.”

I looked at him in anger, “You fucking think! She didn’t tell me that! We were both wasted. She didn’t even bleed.”

“Why would her dad know that information?? She probably just wants him to think that. She’s our age.”

I sighed heavily like a huge weight was lifted off of me as I slumped down on the couch. “Yeah, you’re totally right. You got her number?” Pos shook his head but he had Alex and that leafless good enough for me, as long as she was willingly to give that number up.

[mangoposts]

chris and i have had a busy few days with work schedules, today chris finally gets a day off. unlucky for me, i have a meeting today but then i’m free to just relax with him. exactly what we’ve both been craving.

i’m cleaning up the kitchen before i have to get ready for my meeting and i hear footsteps walking down the stairs. i didn’t pay much attention, knowing it was one of the triplets.

i sprayed down the counter, wiping it with a washcloth. i’m trying to get as much done as quickly as possible so i can simply relax after my meeting, i feel a twinge of pain in my neck as i continue to wipe the counter in circles. i let out a small yawn, jumping slightly when i feel two warm arms wrap around my torso.

i feel chris nudging at my neck with his nose, trying to get me to move my head to the side. i really don’t have time for this but i decide to indulge for a second.

i move my head to the side slightly, chris pulls my hair back and places tender kisses right where my pain was. it’s almost as if he knew my body so well, i didn’t even have to tell him.

i hum softly, leaning into him for a second before trying to move away. chris only tightens his grip on my waist as i try to move, i groan trying to pull his wrists apart.

“let go, goof” i grunt, stepping forward. he simply moves with me, burying his face into my neck once more.

“nuh uh” he grumbles. i roll my eyes and start to move towards the sink, chris still doesn’t let me go. every step i take he moves with me, it feels like i’m pulling his whole weight everytime i move. the weight of him slowing me down only irritates me further, i do not have time for this today.

i throw yet another soda can into the trash, chris clinging to me like a dead weight. i struggle in his grip once more before groaning.

“what are you? twelve?” i exclaim, it was supposed to come across more joking but the harshness of my tone shocks even me. i guess i really don’t want to deal with anybody’s bullshit today.

guilt twists in my stomach as chris lets me go, i look back at him to see him shifting on his feet as he looks down.

“sorry ma, just wanted to be close to you” he says in a small voice, almost a tone of embarrassment peaking through. my heart twists in my chest.

i step towards him, wrapping my arms around his neck tightly. he timidly pulls his hands out of his pockets and wraps them around me, his nose buried into my hair as he holds me like we haven’t touched in months.

“i’m sorry baby, i just have a lot to get done. i promise after my meeting i’m all yours okay?” i pull back to look at him, my thumb rubbing across his stubbled cheek.

he pouts slightly, but doesn’t complain. i place a short kiss on his lips as he lets me finish up cleaning the kitchen.

it’s no secret that chris needs physical touch, if he loves you he makes sure that’s how he shows it. i always thought i was an overly touchy person, until i met chris.

his brothers tell me that’s just always been chris, since they can remember he would cling to his parents and brothers like a koala. justin tells me he was the baby who always wanted to be held, matt and nick always content to play independently.

this translated into every aspect of chris’ life, including his sleep. if i’m not around you’ll usually find chris in matt or nicks bed, he hasn’t slept alone in years.

i know on days like today, when work has been tough and we’re both exhausted, my body craves to be near chris. even a simple hand on my leg to let me know he’s there would do, so i can’t imagine how chris is feeling.

i’m sitting at the end of chris’ bed, slipping my shoes on. chris crawls from where he was sat against the headboard scrolling on his phone, once again nudging into my shoulder as his arms come around my waist.

“baby” i sigh, reaching back to tangle my fingers in his freshly washed hair. “i have to leave, i’m gonna be late”

“stay” he mumbles into my neck.

i close my eyes, leaning back into him. “i can’t chris, i’ll only be a few hours” i promise, turning to press a kiss on his nose as i move to stand up.

chris circles his arms around me, pulling me back onto the bed until my back hits the mattress. i let out a groan, he’s clearly not giving up.

he moves to crawl on top of me, placing his weight down onto me fully. i grunt at the sudden impact, this doesn’t phase him one bit. chris lays his head on my boobs as he curls his arms fully around me. he’s clinging onto me, quite literally like a koala.

“tell them you’re sick” he pouts, looking up at me.

“chris i-“

“please ma” he whines, looking at me with eyes that could make anybody melt. i’m about to give in as he whispers in a small voice.

“i just miss you so much” my heart breaks at his words, i bring my hands to his cheeks pulling him up towards my face. he’s happy with the movement as i place my lips onto his. he bites at my bottom lip as he grins, knowing he won this fight.

“fine” i whisper against his lips.

i’m expecting more kisses from chris, what i don’t expect is him to grin like a cheshire cat before he starts to poke at my sides. making me squirm and try to shove him away.

maybe him being needy wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

- did i cook ? 💌

SOMEBODY COOKED HEREREREREREREFSFEGEHEGEHEGW I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF THIS IM GIGGLINGGGGGGGGGG

This was actually me and Chris yesterday and you just wrote it all down just like yesterday omg what a coincidence this is soooo crazy omg😝

[milfjuulpod]

As Long As You’ll Have Me

summary: five times Melissa notices reader’s depression/mental illness, and tries to help.

warnings/content: mentions of mental overstimulation, anxiety, depression, overall sad themes BUT IS COMFORT AT THE END OF EACH I PROMISE

a/n: heyyy 🤡 i wrote this def for myself so sorry about that LOL i know it’s different from the usual plot and style but i hope u enjoy nonetheless. kisses for my bitches xoxo

I.

You loved your job, more than anything in the world. Working with kids was a blessing, you loved getting to watch them grow and learn together, and being part of that process was something you did not take for granted. So on a fateful Wednesday, when you seemingly had no interest in crafting with your kids, Melissa knew something was wrong.

       “Hey hon, is everything going okay?” Melissa asked you as the two of you sat beside each other in the break room. Not wanting to lie to someone so special to you, you simply sighed in response and gave her a weak smile. Which, of course, Melissa did not take for an answer. She asked you again, much quieter this time. “I know you love crafting with your kids baby, what’s a matter?” You felt her hand slide under the table to gently grab yours, rubbing her thumb over your knuckles. 

        “I couldn’t sleep last night, my mind was going a million miles an hour. I want to craft with them I just…” You slumped in your chair a bit, not letting go of Melissa’s hand. “I don’t have the energy for it. I don’t have the energy for anything.” Melissa could feel her heart crack piece by piece at the sight of her beloved so deflated. The look in her eyes was…different. Whenever you looked at Melissa, her eyes always told you a story, and told you how she felt. But today, you couldn’t quite pinpoint the watery look she held as she continued to squeeze your hand. 

         Every night after that, if you had trouble sleeping, Melissa would come over and snuggle you under blankets to make sure you got enough hours in. 

II.

   The following weekend, Melissa was due to come over and make you breakfast. Usually, Friday nights one of you would follow the other home and spend the weekend together, but yesterday you felt like you couldn’t commit. After Melissa’s continuous reassurance that she wasn’t upset with you for delaying, you told her to come over Saturday morning. 

      When Melissa’s alarms went off, she felt something was wrong. Her whole morning, she felt like she was doing something she wasn’t supposed to. Of course she knew you told her to come over, but with the way you’ve been closed off lately, Melissa decided to wait, as long as she could. She packed her bag with her clothes (and some for you), got the cooler ready because she went a bit overboard with grocery shopping, and waited. When it hit noon and you still hadn’t called her, the determined redhead left her house and headed for yours. 

       With swift movements Melissa allowed herself into your apartment, remembering where your spare key was. Melissa still called it your spare, even though you refer to it as her key. All the lights in the apartment were still off, dishes from dinner on the table, and the loudest white noise possible could be heard from behind the bedroom door. After setting her stuff down in the kitchen, Melissa creeped towards your door to check on you. She was met with your body starfished in the bed, using two blankets, pillows strewn across the entire room somehow, and her old college sweatshirt swallowed you up. 

       Melissa’s eyes softened at the sight, half out of love, half out of sadness. She knew something was wrong, from you canceling yesterday to sleeping in much later than usual, the cherry on top being your comfort sweater that she knew needed to be washed. Deciding to let you sleep a bit longer, Melissa retreated to the kitchen to get started on breakfast lunch. 

 •••

       You were woken up by fingers running through your hair, slowly working their way down to your back. “Good morning sweetheart,” Melissa greeted you. Instantly you smiled at her waking you up, pulling her in for a kiss. “Good morning, I’m sorry about last night,” you said, sitting up to talk to her. Melissa sighed and pulled you by your hands to stand with her. “Stop apologizing baby,” she told you between kisses. “I know that sometimes you struggle with everything going on in your head, and I come prepared for it. You don’t have to apologize to me, nothing you ever do is a burden.” 

       Even though your day had just started, you could cry. Both at Melissa’s sweet words, and the realization that she did pick up on all of your behaviors, including the ones you weren’t too proud of. “Now, you’ve slept in long enough, and if your lunch gets cold I’ll be pissed. And then you’ll have to apologize,” Melissa teased. “You made me lunch already? We always cook together,” you asked. 

        Melissa looked at you for a moment before answering, as if she was scared to say the wrong thing. “I know, but I knew something was wrong. Then when I came in and you were still sleeping, I just wanted you to have a little bit more peace before waking you up.” She started playing with your fingers out of a nervous habit. “But now your food is ready for you, and we can start your day easy,” Melissa ended her explanation with a kiss, and guided you out of your room with a tight grip of her hand on yours. 

 III.

  When you complained about a headache for the third time that day, Melissa decided it was time to do some digging. At this point in the relationship, Melissa has learned that you won’t outright ask for help. She has also learned that if she offers the right thing, you’ll let her help. So, on the car ride back to her house after work, Melissa began going through the day to figure out what was off. 

         Okay, she picked us up coffee, we sat in the break room. Nothin’ out of the ordinary so far. Then lunch, and she worked through it, and then classes- 

        Finally, it clicked. You haven’t eaten yet. Melissa pulled out her phone to call you. “Hey honey, do you wanna come over tonight for an early dinner? I’ve already got some stuff in the works,” she asked. It didn’t take long before you were at Melissa’s doorstep, both eager to see your girlfriend and have some food finally. Once dinner was ready and the two of you were sharing bites, Melissa decided it was time to ask. “So, anything going on today baby?” 

         You were shocked at her sudden inquiry, assuming you had done a good job at hiding your feelings. “Not particularly, just one of those days I suppose. Why do you ask?” You played with your food a bit as you spoke, eating slow as ever. Melissa stood up from her seat and re-sat herself in your lap, one arm around your neck for support, the other reaching for your plate. 

         As she answered, she took a forkful and lifted it to your lips, “You wouldn’t stop complaining about a headache, figured you hadn’t eaten yet. And if you would just tell me you weren’t feeling well, I could take care of you until you’re ready to do it yourself again,” Melissa leaned in closer to your face as she smiled, letting you know all of her words were gentle, and coming from a place of love. You took advantage of the position the two of you were in, and planted a gentle kiss on her lips. “Thank you, Mel. I promise I’ll get better at reaching out.” 

        From that day forward, Melissa always made sure to have some of your safe foods stocked in her house for when you asked. 

IV.

     Dealing with overstimulation was nothing new to you—although, sometimes it happened at the worst times. Walking into school one Monday, you were already not feeling well. Coffee had spilled on the sleeve of your sweater in the car, the sun was excruciatingly bright, and when you walked into the doors of Abbott Elementary, you were met with a lot of loud noises. The break room was filled with staff, many conversations happening at once. But breaking routine certainly wouldn’t help, at least not yet. 

       Putting on a brave face, you waltzed in and made a beeline for the fridge. Before you could make much progress on making a new coffee, Janine and Jacob were at your heels, talking over each other as they tried to tell you the same story from that same morning. “And then I couldn’t find my classroom key,” Janine started, before Jacob finished her thought. “So I had to jimmy my key into it and it WORKED! Can you believe we could use any key to open the classrooms? I mean, not the safest idea am I right?” He joked. 

      “Yeah, it’s crazy,” you responded. Feeling the intense wave of emotion as you were met with too many smells and sounds, you knew you had to get out of there soon. Forgetting your coffee, you grabbed your things and walked as fast as your tired legs could carry you out of the busy scenery. As you were getting out your keys, a voice made itself present, causing you to jump a bit. “Hey sweetheart,” Melissa said quietly, taking note of your sudden movements. “Are you having a rough morning?” 

      “Yeah, I just needed to get out of there. I’m sorry for not saying good morning.” Even though you were speaking to your girlfriend, you couldn’t look at her. Too much emotional intensity for the moment. Sliding into your classroom, you left the door open behind you, inviting Melissa in. She reached for the light switch, but your hand quickly grabbed hers. “Please don’t turn the lights on, I need a minute.” 

      “My love, what’s goin’ on? You overwhelmed or something?” The older woman asked, using her grip on your hand to pull you closer to her. Once in reach, Melissa took your bag off your shoulders. You smiled at the loving action, the first time you smiled this morning. “Mhm,” you pouted, “My sleeves are wet and itchy, the sun was too bright on my drive over, and then everybody was so loud. It makes me…I don’t know I just can’t seem to function and I get all stressed out and emotional and-”

       “Baby, baby, slow down. You can’t calm down if you can’t breathe through your words,” Melissa stopped you from continuing down the spiral. You felt her arms wrap around your waist and instinctively you put your arms over her shoulders. With a gentle tug, you pulled Melissa into you, shutting out all other sounds and sights. Nothing but her. Inhaling deeply, the smell of her shampoo brought you back down to earth. She was safe, familiar, she felt like home to you. 

      “Thank you,” you mumbled into her neck. Melissa giggled at your sudden appreciation, “For what hon? I haven’t done anything yet.” You pulled your head up to finally face her. “You don’t have to do anything, Mel. Just being here is enough, it pulls me out of that overwhelming feeling. You remind me that I’m okay.” Her green eyes looked back at yours with such love and care, it made you forget about everything bad that happened. Melissa leaned into you as she gave you a kiss, loving and gentle. “I have a hoodie of mine in my classroom, do you want to wear that? Take this off so it stops bothering you, amore.” She spoke so softly to you. You nodded, and she left to grab the aforementioned hoodie. 

      For the rest of the day, the smell of Melissa’s perfume clouded your senses, keeping you grounded as you taught throughout the day. Unbeknownst to you, she sprayed it with her your favorite scent before giving it to you. 

    

V.

   For the first time seemingly ever, Melissa and you were in the same house, different rooms. The usual routine had occurred, both of you driving to her place for the weekend. But when you snapped at dinner, the routing had changed. 

      “I just want to help you sweetheart,” Melissa practically begged you. You were having another episode of sorts, too emotionally overwhelmed from the day and now everything was on one hundred. “I know you do Melissa, okay? I know. But sometimes I can’t be helped and you just have to let that go. All I want to do right now is cry and curl up in a ball and lay there until I can’t take it anymore and fall asleep for the next day and a half.” With a slam of your hands on the table, you stormed off to Melissa’s guest room, which was also out of routine. 

      As you walked the hall and shut the door behind you, the tears started and didn’t want to stop. Guilt flooded all of your emotions like a tidal wave, you were shocked at yourself for snapping at her like that. It was Melissa for Christ’s sake. The only person in the world you wanted when you felt like this. But not today, today you wanted to scream and cry and run away from the new job and new life you had found yourself comfortable in. 

      Although, that clearly wasn’t an option. So you settled on doing exactly what you mentioned to your girlfriend—crying in bed until you fell asleep. You crawled into the made bed, not bothering to pull up the blankets. Laying down curled up, you allowed yourself to cry until you finally stopped and went to sleep. It wasn’t until midnight when you finally arose from your tear-induced nap, the pounding headache was enough to pull you from sleep. Anxiety hit you immediately as you recalled what had happened just before. Feeling so out of control, lashing out at Melissa, you felt awful. With a deep breath to prepare, you headed back to the living room to see what she was up to. 

       Turning the corner of the hallway, your eyes were met with something you had never seen before. Not from Melissa, not from anyone. The redhead was passed out on her couch, surrounded by the most random assortment of items. Some stuffed animals, a sweater, three different books, a puzzle, and more that you couldn’t quite see. As you got closer, you realized they were all yours. Melissa had pulled out every single one of your comfort items to try and help, even when you weren’t around. Sitting down next to her, you gently brushed away some of Melissa’s hair on her face while she slept. Before long, she was rustling underneath you. “Baby?” Her eyes popped open at the sound of your voice. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for coming over here into your house and yelling at you of all people. I know that you just want to make me feel better, but what I said before is true,” you took her hand in yours before continuing, hoping it’ll help her understand. “Sometimes, there is nothing you can do. As much as you and I both want it, sometimes helping doesn’t…help…I guess…” You smiled at your lack of elegance with words, and Melissa couldn’t help but return the expression. 

        You gave her a soft kiss, holding her cheek with your free hand. “But,” another kiss, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that and stormed off. I am so sorry Melissa. I haven’t been this open with my emotions in a long, long time and clearly I need to work on a few things, but for you I will. I promise.”

         Now it was Melissa’s turn to give you a kiss. And then another, and another for good luck. “That scared me, hon. It’s okay, because I know you didn’t mean to, but, wow. I do not want to get on your bad side,” she joked. “But I forgive you, and as long as you keep trying and I keep trying, we’ll be okay. You will be okay, my love.” Melissa wrapped her arms around your neck and gave you one more kiss. This one, for love. “I love you sweetheart, and I’m not going anywhere as long as you’ll have me.”

        Her words echoed in your head. I love you. She had never said it before. You felt it, that was for sure, and both of you have had a few moments where it almost slipped, but this was for real. Melissa loved you, and she wanted you to know it. “I love you too, Mel. I’ll have you as long as you’ll stay.”

[babygirl-diaz]

No Nut November (Buddie Fanfic)

((Based on this prompt by @blurredbuddie))

Buck blamed Albert. It was his fault that he was currently sleeping on the couch rather than his very comfortable bed snuggling up to his very cuddly boyfriend. You see, Albert was going through a nasty breakup and had sworn off sex. Except that wasn’t enough for him. No. The 25-year-old had to rope Buck into his awful plan. It was November and Albert had come across “No Nut November” while browsing Reddit. His curiosity got the best of him and he decided to engage in the ridiculous challenge. He then turned it into a bet with Buck, whose only brain cell wasn’t working at the time and it only heard the part where Albert said, “I will wash your Jeep for a year,” and immediately agreed to the bet. He doesn’t even remember what Albert would get if he won!

But anyway, back to Buck’s current predicament. How did he end up on the couch? Well, he told his boyfriend about the bet, which went about as well as you would expect. 

“You what?” Eddie asked after he tried to take their make-out session further and go down on Buck. 

“I am abstaining from sex this month,” Buck simply told him with a shrug. 

Eddie, who was currently on his knees next to Buck’s junk, narrowed his eyes at him. “And why would you do that?” 

Buck dragged the comforter over his legs and slinked back into the bed. “Because I may have made a bet with Albert that I can last through No Nut November longer than him.” 

“Not nut what?” Eddie asked, sitting back on his hunches. Buck knew he was trying to suppress his frustration and anger. 

“No Nut November. It’s a challenge people engage in during the month of November where they abstain from coming for the entire month,” Buck explained. 

“And you two dumbasses couldn’t have participated in Movember for a good cause?” Eddie asked, letting his anger slowly show. “At least that would have been sexy.” 

“But-” 

“OR you could have even participated in that writing challenge Chris is doing this year!’ Eddie finally blew off his top. 

“But then I couldn’t have made a bet with Albert and potentially won a year’s worth of free cleaning for my Jeep.” 

“What?!” Eddie practically yelled. “You decided to deprive me of my nine-inch goodness for a whole ass month so that you would get a year’s worth of free car washes?” 

“Do you know how expensive car washes are in L.A.?” Buck asked. 

“And what does Albert get if he wins?” 

Buck blinked at Eddie before shrugging one shoulder. “I don’t remember.” 

“You don’t remember?” Eddie repeated after him. 

“I don’t remember,” Buck confirmed. 

“Get out,” Eddie said bluntly. 

Buck balked at him. “What? This is my room,” 

“I don’t care,” Eddie replied. “Get out.” 

And that’s how Buck ended up on the couch of his own apartment. 

Buck thought Eddie would still be mad at him the nextmorning, but then he woke up to the smell of breakfast and coffee. Confused, he went to the kitchen and found Eddie there making pancakes. 

“Good morning, babe,” Eddie said without even looking up from the pancakes. 

“Morning?” Buck replied, confused. 

“Have a seat,” Eddie told him. “Breakfast is just about ready.” 

“Eddie, you’re not mad at me anymore?” Buck asked, surprised, as he took a seat at the table. 

Eddie brought the breakfast over and then the cups of coffee. Buck couldn’t help but notice he was walking funny. Putting a little too much emphasis on his swaying his hips. And then instead of taking the chair beside Buck, Eddie sat down on his lap and wrapped his arms around Buck’s neck. 

“Uh…Eddie?” Buck instinctively wrapped his arms around Eddie’swaist, but he was confused nonetheless. “Why are you sitting on my lap?” 

“Can’t a man sit on his boyfriend’s lap when he feels like it?” Eddie asked. His voice was low, but innocent. His actions, however, were anything but innocent. He was currently rubbing his ass against Buck’s clothed dick. 

Buck was usually oblivious, but this time, he understood Eddie’s plan fairly quickly. “Eddie,” Buck warned him. “I know what you’re doing.” 

“What am I doing?” Eddie looked at him with those big brown eyes of his that would have Buck committing murder. 

“You’re trying to get me to lose my bet with Albert.” 

A moan escaped Eddie’s lips as he probably felt Buck getting hard in his boxers. “Buck…” His voice was breathless, like Buck was fucking him already. 

Buck lost himself in the sounds Eddie was making. His grip tightened on Eddie’s waist and he couldn’t help but thrust his hips against Eddie’s ass. But then he realized what he was doing, and he stood up abruptly, causing Eddie to fall to the floor. 

“Buck!” Eddie yelled. 

“Sorry, baby, I promise I’ll make it up to you.” With that, he made a run towards the door, grabbing his keys and shoes along the way. When he was safely in his Jeep, Buck realized he had nowhere to go. He had just made a run from his own apartment. But then he remembered he had a gym bag in the back, and thanked whatever god was out there for his laziness. 

Buck made his way to the station, where he could shower and get changed into his dirty uniform. He didn’t have his phone on him, which meant he couldn’t even text Eddie and grovel for forgiveness. 

When he reached the station, all eyes were on him. Someone even wolf-whistled, as he did a walk of shame through the station, without having actually had sex the previous night. 

Bobby was the first one to approach him with a confused look plastered on his face. “Uh, Buck? Why are you parading through my firehouse in your t-shirt and boxers?” 

“Long story. You don’t wanna know,” Buck replied tiredly, and hung his head.

“You dropped Eddie on his ass and made a run out of your own apartment?!” Hen’s voice rang through the station. 

Buck’s eyes widened, and he immediately shushed her. “Are you trying to embarrass me in front of the entire station?” 

“That ship has sailed already.” Hen eyed him from top to bottom and raised an eyebrow. 

“What do you mean he dropped Eddie on his- his-”

“It’s okay, Cap, you can say ass.” Hen sympathetically put a hand on Bobby’s shoulder, gaining herself a glare from him. She removed her hand immediately and put it up in surrender. “I don’t know the whole story, but I just got a call from a very pissed-off Eddie telling me that Buck ran out on him. 

“Exactly how pissed off was he?” Buck cringed at the thought. 

“I said very, didn’t I?” Hen replied. “But I would be too if Karen ran out on me after dropping me on my ass.” With that, she broke out into laughter. “I can only imagine what that scene must have been like.” 

“Yes, yes, laugh it up at my misery.” Buck huffed. “I’m gonna go take a shower. And do we have any cereal? I am starving.” 

“We have bread, and I can make you some eggs,” Bobby told him. 

“He really is your favorite!” Hen accused him. “You never offer to make us eggs when we come to the station hungry.” 

“Well, I’m in emotional distress right now,” Buck informed her. “And thanks, Bobby, that will be great.” 

“Your boyfriend is the one in emotional distress,” Hen pointed out. “You are in deep shit.” 

Buck didn’t need to be reminded of that. He waved her off and hit the showers instead. 

Buck was digging into his breakfast when a loud “EVAN BUCKLEY!” reverberated through the station. Oh shit.

Footsteps headed up the stairs, and Buck almost felt his heart leap out of his throat. He abruptly stood up from the chair and put his hands up. “Look, I can explain.” 

“Explain how you dropped me on my ass in the middle of your kitchen and then ran out like a coward?” 

“Yeahhh… It doesn’t sound so good when you put it like that.” Buck cringed. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” He asked with genuine concern in his voice. 

“You hurt my pride!” Eddie said dramatically. 

“I’m sorry, you were just rubbing yourself on me and I need to abstain and I could-” Buck stopped talking when he realized they were getting an audience. “Hey, folks.” He waved awkwardly. “Maybe give us some privacy?” 

“Maybe you should stop talking so loudly where all of us can hear you,” Chimney told them. “And what do you mean you’re trying to abstain? Albert is trying to abstain too. Doing some kinda ridiculous challenge.” Chimney paused and then gave Buck a “Are you serious?” look. “You’re doing the challenge too, aren’t you?” 

Eddie crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at Buck. “You wanna tell them or should I?” 

“I mean, we really don’t have to tell them,” Buck pointed out. 

“Evan here made a bet with Albert about who will last longer without sex during the month of November,” Eddie told them. 

There was silence, and then soon laughter rang through the station. 

“Are you serious?” Ravi asked. “Is it even possible for you and Albert to go without sex for a day?” 

“Hey, I’ve lasted a day so far,” Buck informed him, feeling a little offended. 

“Even dumb and dumber would come up with a better plan.” This time, it was Chimney’s turn to tease him. 

“How would you even know if Albert’s had sex or how would he know if you have?” Hen was asking the important questions and, truth be told, Buck hadn’t thought of that. 

“I guess we’ll just have to believe each other,” Buck replied. 

“There’s no honor among thieves,” Hen countered. 

“I think it’s a good challenge,” Bobby finally provided his two cents, earning him amused looks from Hen, Chimney, and Ravi, and a glare from Eddie. “I am just saying. It’s probably healthy for both of you.” 

“Thank you, Bobby!” Buck said appreciatively. “At least someone gets me.” 

“What did you bet on, anyway?” Bobby continued to ask. 

Eddie gave Buck an unamused look, who gulped before saying, “If I win, Albert washes my car for a year.” 

“Boooooooo!” Hen, Ravi, and Chimney yelled at him and soon he was hit with plastic fruits from the table, as Buck tried to protect himself. 

“You couldn’t bet on anything better?” Hen asked. 

“Like a new Jeep itself,” Ravi suggested. 

“We’re firefighters, not tech moguls,” Buck replied. 

Everyone just rolled their eyes at him and walked away. 

Once they all disappeared, Eddie came closer to Buck. “So there is no way I can convince you to fuck me?” He asked. 

“Right now? I think we’ll both get fired if I do that, baby.” Buck leaned in to kiss him but Eddie turned his head away and the kiss landed on his cheek. 

“Hmmm, if you’re not gonna fuck me, then you’re not getting kisses either.” 

Buck hated it when Eddie used that sassy voice with him. But it also turned him on. He was not going to last the next 28 days. 

Okay, so he lasted 28 days, but he wasn’t so sure when he had 25 days left. Eddie wasn’t letting up. Nope, he was even more determined to make Buck lose the bet. So on November 5, he brought out the big guns. 

They were getting ready to go to bed. Eddie was already under the covers when Buck finished his nighttime ritual and came to bed. He wasn’t wearing any t-shirt like he usually wasn’t. It did things to Buck seeing him shirtless, but he controlled himself and got under the covers. Buck leaned over to kiss Eddie, who eagerly returned his kiss before lying down. They got into their usual position, with Eddie facing the window and Buck behind him with his back to the wall. But when Buck’s arm wrapped around Eddie’s waist, his hand brushed against something. Something that definitely didn’t feel like boxers. They were rough and lacey to the touch and Eddie’s hard dick was pressing against it. 

“Eddie?” Buck almost choked. “Are you wearing panties?” 

“Yes,” Eddie replied like he did this type of thing every day. Like Buck hadn’t begged him to wear the panties for months after he bought them for him. Like he hadn’t shoved them in the back of his dresser, telling Buck that he would never wear them in a million years. 

“Why?” Buck couldn’t move his hand. It’s like it was glued to the spot on top of Eddie’s lacey panties. 

“Because I felt like it,” Eddie turned around in Buck’s arms and leaned in close to his ear as he added, “...daddy.” 

Buck let out a choked sound that he didn’t even realize came out of his own mouth. “What?” 

“Daddy,” Eddie innocently said it again. 

“Fuck,” Buck groaned and pushed Eddie against the bed and climbed on top of him, as he kissed him, pinning him to the mattress. 

Eddie wrapped his legs around Buck and let out a moan into his mouth. Eddie moved his hips against Buck’s as Buck thrust against him. After breaking away from the kiss, Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck’s neck and buried his face in the crook of his neck, “Daddy,” he hoarsely whispered again. 

Suddenly, the conversation with Albert rang in his ears, and Buck stopped moving. His hard on started to subside. Because having Albert’s voice ringing in his ears as he was trying to get on with his boyfriend wasn’t exactly an aphrodisiac. Eddie whined under him, and Buck’s attention shifted to him. 

Buck pulled away from Eddie and looked down at him. Eddie stared back at him with swollen lips and blown eyes. Shit. Buck was getting hard again. 

“I have to go.” Buck scrambled out of bed. 

Eddie sat up and looked at him confused. “What?” 

“I’m gonna go sleep on the couch,” Buck told him and ran out. 

“Buck!” Eddie called out after him, but he didn’t stop as he shut the door, careful not to slam it and wake up Chris. 

He half expected Eddie to come after him and demand answers, but he didn’t. It took awhile, but Buck fell asleep on the cold leather couch, freezing his ass off, because he was too scared to go back to the room and get a blanket. 

Early the next morning, Buck woke up to find he wasn’t as cold anymore and realized that there was a comforter thrown over him. He smiled and took in Eddie’s smell that still lingered on the comforter, and fell back asleep. 

They had 15 days to go in the bet, and Buck was dying and Buck knew so was Eddie. The man was desperately trying to seduce him in every way possible. But Buck was holding out strong. 

Albert was visiting today, and he looked as miserable as Buck felt. “Can we call it a truce and end the bet?” 

“Oh, hell no,” Buck told him. “I’ve put my relationship on the line for this! I’m seeing it to the end.” 

“YOU!” Eddie’s voice rang through the loft as he stormed over to Albert with an accusatory finger pointed in his direction. “I am not a violent man, but you make me want to commit violent acts!” 

Buck pulled Eddie back before he could attack Albert. “Babe, you were once part of an illegal fight club. You’re hardly non-violent,” Buck said in his ear, acutely aware that he wasn’t helping the situation. 

“Hey, whoa, I just asked Buck to call it a truce and end this thing.” Albert moved back and put up his hands in front of him. “He’s the one who refuses to give up.” 

Eddie turned to glare at Buck. “Is that true?” 

Buck gave him a sheepish look in return. “I mean, I’ve come so far, baby. I wanna see this thing through.” 

“Well, you can sleep on the couch for the rest of you life then,” Eddie huffed and walked away. 

“I hate you so much,” Buck told Albert. 

The very next day, Eddie took his seduction game up a notch. It was a Thursday, and it was a rare day off for both of them. Buck had spent the night at the Diaz house like he usually did, and he was looking forward to spending some quality time with his boyfriend while Chris was at school. He already knew Eddie was going to pull something, but nothing prepared him for what he actually did. 

Buck was in the shower after breakfast and when he came out, he found Eddie suspiciously missing from the house. “Eddie?” Buck called out as he looked for his boyfriend. The front door was slightly open, and Buck became alert. He opened the door and went outside and stopped dead in his tracks on the front porch. 

“What the-” His mouth fell open as he watched his boyfriend. His boyfriend, who was currently dressed in low-cut booty shorts that accentuated his gorgeous ass, and a crop top that showed off his delicious abs. If that wasn’t enough, he was currently washing Buck’s jeep. The shirt and booty shorts clung to his skin and the shape of his dick was visible through the shorts, so were his perky nipples through the wet shirt. 

When Eddie saw Buck, he wrung the sponge all over him, spilling suds down his chest and inside his shirt. 

Buck just stood there with his mouth agape and his dick hard in his sweatpants. Eddie’s display was getting the attention of the neighbors who were currently home: retired folks and stay-at-home parents. 

“What are you doing?” Buck asked, going over to him. “It’s cold out here. You’re gonna freeze your nuts off.” 

“Well, you wanted someone to wash your Jeep, so I am doing you a service,” Eddie told him. 

“In clothes you borrowed from a high school cheerleader?” Buck asked. 

Eddie smirked and trailed his index finger down Buck’s chest. “What? You don’t like the outfit?” 

“Oh no, I love it.” Buck let out a low growl and dug his fingernails into Eddie’s waist. “I just don’t like others watching you.” 

“Jealous of 80-year-olds?” Eddie chuckled. 

“80-year-olds have eyes too and they sure like to stare,” Buck told him. He put his hands under Eddie’s ass and lifted him, throwing him over his shoulder before carrying him back into the house. “No one gets to see you like this but me.” 

Buck carried him to the bedroom and threw him down on the bed before climbing on top of him after taking off his t-shirt and sweatpants. Eddie stared at his naked body and licked his lips. Buck captured Eddie’s lips in a kiss as his hand slipped into Eddie’s shorts, making Eddie gasp. “What about the bet?” He asked. 

“Screw the bet,” Buck replied and kissed him again.  

And if Albert had called him the previous night to tell him he had given into his desires and picked up a woman at the bar and taken her home, then Eddie didn’t need to know that. He just needed to know that he had successfully made Buck lose his bet. 

[thegettingbyp2]

So I was wondering if you could write a part 2 to the request you wrote i I requested the wrong Bradshaw sister, maybe Carrie finds out why Sebastian broke up with her and she is upset and there’s some drama

Finally Doing Something for Me

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You couldn’t stop the giggle from bubbling from your lips at the feeling of Sebastian’s lips tracing down your neck. You had officially been dating Sebastian Kydd for the past month and you were pretty sure that you’d never been happier. The only downside of your relationship was breaking it to your sister, something that you were still too scared to do. ‘Shh,’ Sebastian chuckled lowly, bringing his lips to press against yours, effectively quieting your sounds as his arm slipped around your waist, holding you against him, ‘you’re the one who doesn’t want to tell anyone yet, yet you’re the reason we’re going to get caught,’ he teased.

‘I know,’ you whined softly, looping your arms around his neck and playing with the strands of hair at the nape of his neck, ‘I want to tell her, I just don’t know how. She’s going to hate me for this.’

‘She won’t hate you, she’s your sister,’ Sebastian reassured you, his hand coming up to cup your cheek.

‘That’s exactly why she’ll hate me, I stole you from her!’

Sebastian couldn’t stop the chuckle from escaping your lips before he replied. ‘Baby, you didn’t steal me from anyone. I left a relationship I wasn’t happy in and it just so happens that you make me happy, it’s no one’s fault,’ he said before leaning back in to kiss you again. You used your arms that were still around his neck to anchor yourself to him, his arm coming down to loop your thigh around his waist.

The two of you were so caught up in one another that neither of you had heard the front door close downstairs, so, when you both heard the surprised ‘oh’ from your doorway, you both froze, the voice sound all too familiar. You pulled away and you were pretty sure all of your blood drained from your face when you saw your sister standing in your doorway as a wave of guilt washed over you.

‘Carrie, wait,’ you called out as she walked away from your room and you heard her bedroom door slam shut. You made to jump off of the bed only for Sebastian’s arm to wrap around your waist, pulling you back against him, making you look at him.

‘(Y/N), are you sure you’re ready to do this now?’ he asked gently.

‘I don’t really have a choice anymore,’ you sighed, pecking his cheek before getting out of the bed and padding out the room. A couple of seconds later, you heard Sebastian’s footsteps behind you. ‘You don’t have to come,’ you protested.

‘I’m not letting you do this on your own,’ he replied simply as you knocked on Carrie’s bedroom door.

The both of you made your way into Carrie’s room where she was pacing her floor, a murderous look painted on her face. ‘What the hell is going on?’ she demanded, pointing between the two of you, her cheeks bright red.

‘I was waiting to tell you,’ you began, only to be cut off quickly.

‘How long has this been going on?’

‘What?’

‘You heard me, (Y/N), how long have you two been hooking up behind my back?’

‘A month,’ you replied quietly, looking down at your feet.

‘And we weren’t hooking up behind your back, we broke up, Carrie, remember?’ Sebastian piped in, stepping closer to you and pulling you into him slightly, trying to step away again the second you noticed Carrie clock on to your movements.

‘So, this is why you broke up with me?’ Carrie asked, directing her anger now at Sebastian. ‘So you could start hooking up with my sister?’

You felt helpless as you stood in between Carrie and Sebastian as they argued and then Carrie decided to tell Sebastian about how you were always the “selfish” sister, the one who always got her way and left Carrie behind.

That was your breaking point.

‘Since when I have I always been the one to get my way?’ you cut in, effectively cutting them both off. ‘I have never let myself have what I want because I was always so worried about how you would feel. I’m finally doing something for me and I’m not going to let you get in the way of it this time. Hell, even when Sebastian first said that he wanted to be with me, I tried to say no, even though it was what I wanted more than anything. I was worried about how you would feel. And I’m not going to do that anymore. I’m with Sebastian and he’s going to be coming round here so you need to get used to it.’

Carrie looked at you, shock written all over her features as she tried to process your outburst. You felt yourself lean back against Sebastian, needing the comfort that he was able to bring you. Having nothing more to say, you walked out of the room, Sebastian following behind you until you were back in your room and you were both sitting on the edge of your bed.

‘Are you okay?’ Sebastian asked, brushing a strand of hair out of your face.

‘I will be,’ you said quietly, turning to face him, a small smile gracing your lips. ‘I love you.’

Sebastian looked at you, a grin splitting his lips as he leaned down to press a gentle kiss to your forehead. ‘I love you too.’

[angeltreasure]

I need to tell a story, maybe it'll help people to understand how powerful the Hail Mary is: I had a few months ago a dream. Mary appeared in my room. She looked beautiful. But something felt off. Instead of peace I felt a dreading and scary presence. Something urged me to recite the Hail Mary. So I started and I kid you not, the "Mary" turned into an ugly demon. It tried to strangle me but I kept praying and then it couldn't touch me anymore and it started screaming and whining. It looked like it was trying to not hear what i say and like someone stomps on it. I woke up, but I strangly felt at peace. It was around that time, that I couldn't quite get how God uses Mary and that showed me. It didn't scare me. Please pray the Hail Mary, for everyone that is doubting. I'm urging. Thank you.

As I lay awake in the dark hours of the night after a Rosary, I am ready to tell you my thoughts on your dream. My favorite book of my favorite Saint, Padre Pio, reveals a cautionary tale of the spiritual battle….

-

“In the lives of the Saints we find similar occurrences to those experienced by Padre Pio, noticeably so in the life of Magdalen of the Cross, so let us take a few examples. She wrote, “My Archangel warned me to be on my guard whenever an Archangel appeared to me. I should observe closely whether there was a cross on his stole and if not, I must command him in the name of Jesus to say who he is. I shall remember this.”

Having received this advice, she certainly took it into account and later wrote: “I was bothered today quite a bit by a beautiful Angel who did not have a cross on his stole. He repeatedly told me that, since I was destined to be damned anyway, I should make my life as comfortable as possible and that he would help me. If I had no particular desire for earthly happiness, I should simply end my life because it was wholly worthless. This second temptation was so violent that I called my Archangel to help me and the fallen angel disappeared.”

The devil appeared to Padre Pio on many forms including that of his Guardian Angel but he always discovered the deception by pronouncing the words: “Long live Jesus!” and with that, the evil spirit disappeared.

At this point, I must mention a personal experience mine concerning Padre Pio and the evil interference. Although it does not directly concern Guardian Angels, I think it is very worthwhile relating as it shows just how much he was persecuted by the devil:

One night, during the time I was looking after him, I washed his face, combed his hair, undressed him and helped him get to bed. Having done this, and seeing that he was in need of nothing, I slipped away to my room. I had only reached it, when the bell, with which he used to summon me, rang. I rushed back to his cell, and when I approached him, he didn’t say a word; he simply smiled at me. Now, I’m always happy to receive a smile from our beloved Padre, but on this occasion I was feeling more tired than usual so, I’m ashamed to say, I was a little put out.

I went back to my room and the bell rang again. Once more, I went to see what was wrong, but he said nothing and just bestowed upon me another radiant smile. This happened at least ten times until eventually, I said: “Father, you call me here, but when I arrive, instead of telling me what you want, you just smile at me. If you don’t let me sleep, it will be you who will have to assist me tomorrow, and not me you!” I will never forget the manner in which he looked at me on that occasion. His eyes were filled with profound suffering as he said to me: “Please, my son, will you sleep on the chair here beside me, because the devils won’t leave me for one minute tonight.”

I understood immediately what he meant, so I settled myself on the arm-chair in his room and there I dozed. Now and then, I would look to see how he was, and I could distinctively hear him whispering the Hail Mary. He seemed no longer afraid, as perhaps my presence there prevented the devil from beating him and throwing him out of bed…”

- Send Me Your Guardian Angel by Fr. Alessio Parente O.F.M. CAP., pages 40-43

“From his youth, Padre Pio enjoyed heavenly visions, but also suffered from the attacks of the devil. Father Amorth said: “The devil appeared to him under many different forms: as a big black cat, wild and threatening, or as a repulsive animal, in the clear intention to frighten him; under the appearance of naked and provocative young girls who danced obscene dances, obviously to test the chastity of the young priest. However, the worst was when the Devil took on the appearance of his spiritual director, or posed as Jesus, the Virgin Mary or St. Francis.””

…..

So yes, asking the intercession of our Mother Mary is powerful. She really intercedes for us even though most people can’t see her outside of dreams. Thinking about that dream (as well as other experiences people have had like this either awake or sleep, we must remember that Satan was formally God’s most powerful and beautiful angel. He has the ability to shape shift and take on appearances of other angels, Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and anyone else around. When we are in a state of mortal sin, Satan can certainly influence our nightmares. I would recommend going to confession if you haven’t been for a while, pray the Rosary, and keep a blessed Rosary under your pillow at night. Another powerful tip is to have your house blessed at least once a year and keep a bottle of holy water nearby your bedside. If that were really Mary in your dream, you would not feel that sense or dread.

The spiritual battle is real!

Hail Mary

Hail Mary,

Full of Grace,

The Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou among women,

and blessed is the fruit

of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary,

Mother of God,

pray for us sinners now,

and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

[blackwidownat2814]

Lift Me Up (J.Seresin)

Pairing: Jake Seresin x reader, Jake Seresin x GN!reader

Word Count: 1294

A/N: There was no prompt or request to make me write this. I wrote it to help a friend. They recently lost someone very near and dear to their heart, and I hated that I couldn't be there to help them grieve. So I decided to do the next best thing. I wrote about our favorite naval aviator helping them through this horrible time. I've never written a gender neutral reader before, so I consulted with a couple people to make sure I did it properly. Thank you so much @jobean12-blog and @nuggetynoodle!!

TW: death of a loved one, dealing with grief, angst, a little fluff (because our beloved Jake tries to lift our spirits)...

‼️⚠️I do not give permission for any of my work to be copied, translated or reposted anywhere else but on my own blog and AO3.⚠️‼️

This is for you, my dearest @buckysdollforlife.

Masterlist

You blinked yourself awake that morning, not immediately remembering what you had to do later.  When the memory hit you, you almost physically recoiled, the sadness hit you like a punch to the gut.  The emptiness in your chest was like nothing you’d felt up until this point.

He must’ve sensed you were awake, because you felt his arm tighten around your waist as you were assaulted by the memory of the last couple of weeks.  You were so grateful to be able to lean on him during this entire thing.

“How are you feeling, darlin’?”

“Is this a nightmare, Jake?” you asked him quietly and without turning around to look at him.  “Is that why everything sucks?  Am I still asleep, stuck in some never ending hellscape?”

Jake pulled you back, tighter against his chest, resting his chin on your shoulder and leaving a trail of soft kisses.

“I wish I could say yes.  I wish I could say this was all just a nightmare and you’ll wake up in a world where she’s still here.  I’m sorry that I can’t.  I’d give anything to give her back to you.”

You turned around in his arms and placed a hand on his cheek.

“I know you would.  That’s why I love you.”  You gave him a small smile and leaned in for a peck on his lips.  “Thank you for everything you’ve done during this whole thing.”

“You don’t have to thank me”, he said with that cocky smile only Jake Seresin could give.  “You’re my person.”

You were still somewhat numb to the world by the time your aunt’s funeral came around and you had intended to simply dress in black, but Jake convinced you to have a bath and surprised you with your favorite bath bomb from LUSH.  As you sat soaking in the glittery blue water thanks to the Intergalactic bath bomb, Jake washed your hair and scrubbed away the tears tracks on your face.

You still dressed in black, but wore a cardigan with yellow and blue flowers, your aunt’s favorite.  When you were finished getting ready, you sat on the edge of your bed to watch Jake finish getting ready.

“You don’t have to dress all fancy, you know.”  Jake looks at you in the mirror and smiles.

“I know darlin’...”, he replies as he slides his belt through the loops of his dark blue pants, making sure the clip was on the correct side of the buckle.  “...but your aunt always said she loved a man in uniform, so I wanted to do this for her.”

“Jake…I just fixed my face.”

“Now, sweetheart, ya know there ain’t nothin’ ‘bout that face I’d fix, right?”

“Ok, wow, Mr. Texas”, you said with a laugh. “Your accent is sometimes almost non-existent and sometimes, just super strong.”

“It happens.”  He flipped his shirt collar up and turned to face you, holding his tie.  “Would you mind helpin’ a guy out?”

You stood and took the tie from him, placing it under the collar, and tied it in a Windsor knot.  When you finished, you carefully took his coat from the hangar and held it open for him.  After he slid his arms in, you smoothed the shoulders out and helped him adjust the lapels.  

“Thanks sweetheart.”  You unzipped the protective cover of Jake’s white service cap and handed it to him.

“Lookin’ good lieutenant.”

“You ready to go?”

“Do we have to?

“We do.”

“Let’s do this.”

The funeral had been lovely, a lot of the parts of the ceremony had been chosen by your aunt, like the music and flowers.

She’d also asked for the reception following the funeral to be held at the Hard Deck, as she’d fallen in love with the place after you took her there to meet the Daggers a few years ago.  Penny was more than happy to oblige.

After thanking everyone for coming, and having a few bites, you wandered outside and sat in the sand to watch the waves crash.  You felt the tears start to fall as you remembered the last time you were here with your aunt…

It was a gorgeous day.  Your aunt was perched in her beach chair, you next to her, as you both watched the Daggers play their weekly scheduled game of Dogfight Football.  Jake screamed out as he scored a touchdown, pointing at you with the ball and a smile.

“Hold on to that one, Sweet Pea.”  You turned to look at your aunt with a smile.

“I plan on it.”  You both smiled as you continued to watch them all play.

“He’s going to be the one you’ll need to lean on when I’m gone.”

“Please, don’t remind me”, you replied, trying to hold back tears.  “I don’t want to think about that right now.”

Your aunt took your hand in hers and pulled it towards her, placing a kiss on the knuckles.  The Daggers cheered loudly as Coyote ran down the beach and scored a touchdown.  Jake jumped up and down next to his friend as he celebrated.

“Oof, that boy sure is something”, your aunt said, with a bite of her lip.

“Nah”, you replied, smiling at Jake’s cheers with his team.  “He’s everything.”

Jake watched you sitting in the sand from the back deck of the Hard Deck.

“How’re they doing?”  Startled out of his thoughts, Jake turned to see Rooster, Coyote, Bob, Fanboy, Payback, and Phoenix standing around him.

“Not well, but that’s to be expected.  Their aunt meant a lot to ‘em”, Jake replied.  He looked back over at you and saw your shoulders shaking.  “Excuse me guys, it seems I’m needed.”

He hopped off the back and headed towards you.  When he made it to you, he sat behind you, a leg on either side, pulling you back towards him.

“Let it out sweetheart, I’ve got ya.”

“It’s not fair Jake!  She didn’t deserve what happened to her!  She’s going to miss everything, like if we get married or have kids or when you get promoted and all the awesome places I promised to take her if you happened to get stationed somewhere exotic.”

“You wanna marry me and have kids?”  You smacked him on the leg.

“That’s what you got from all that?”

“I’m sorry darlin’”, he said as he squeezed you tight.  “Please continue.”

“I just miss her so much.  She was so special to me.”

“I understand, I felt the same way when my grandma passed.  I didn’t think I’d ever be okay.  I don’t think I’m okay now, and it’s been years!  If I talk about Nana Seresin, I will start crying.”  He kissed you on your temple.  “I am by no means an expert in grief, but what I know is that it will get better, no matter how cliché that sounds.  One day, that stabbing pain you feel will dull, and it’ll be just like a bruise.  You’ll be able to think of her and all the memories you’ve got of her without crying and look back on them with happiness.”

“When will that happen Jake?”

“I don’t know sweetheart.  It’s different for everyone.”

“What if I forget her?”

“You won’t.  You know why?”  You shook your head.  “You’ll never forget her because a part of her will always live on in you, and everyone’s hearts she touched.  The squad will never let you forget because they loved your aunt too.  We’ll help remind you every day.”

You sat up straight and turned to look at him and placed your hands on his cheeks, running your thumbs over them.

“When did you get so smart, Lieutenant?”

“I’ve always been this smart sweetheart.”

“Cocky bastard.”

“And don’t you forget.”

PS: I'm real sorry if I made you cry my friend!