#i don’t really know how to deal with dysphoria so he gets to have it in my place

[aeonophagic]

had i been born in any other body

[sharkboywrites]

Haayyy >__0 if your rqs are open I'd looove to see another floyd x male reader fic... I would love to see some hurt/comfort stuff around floyd's bpd getting in the way of him finally having a meaningful relationship, n the reader comforting him about it. If you could somehow imply that the reader is trans. and autistic. that would be cool !! but it is opt. ^_^

floyd bpd is a major hc of mine and I hardly see anyone actually pointing it out or writing about it ... that stuff's gotta be done!! he's bpdtastic!! and no one gaf 😭😭😭!!!!!

Tough Times

Bpd Floyd x Trans autistic reader

A/N: Hii! So to be completely honest I don’t really know everything about bpd, although I suspect I may have it but that’s unrelated, but I’ll try my best to write it. Please correct me if I get anything wrong! Also I’ll try to fit in the reader’s own traits but I might have a bit of trouble with it

Trans reader, autistic reader, Floyd had bpd

Floyd was hard to deal with for most people

Most people thought he was too crazy, too quick to change his emotions, and was completely unpredictable and dangerous.

You weren’t most people though.

While Floyd did have his quirks, you still love him, the two of you were practically inseparable. Like seriously, it started to become odd to see one of you without the other.

Although, while you two still loved each other, sometimes it would be hard. Each episode either of you had would cause a problem in your relationship, whether it be your dysphoria or meltdowns, or Floyd’s sudden mood changes and impulsive behavior.

It hurt Floyd more than he’d ever wanted to let you know.

He really hated the way he acted, the way it caused problems between the two of you, the way he would get you into trouble along with him whenever he was impulsive.

Having these feelings just made things worse for him. The more he tried to shove it down, the worse his mood swings would get. One moment he’d be clinging to you like if he’d die if he let you go, and the next he’d be avoiding you like the plague, doing stuff that would get him into trouble.

It worried you. You knew something was wrong with the way he was acting, but you weren’t sure how to address it with him right.

During the next time he was with you, you decided it would be the best time to try and talk to him about it. You sat him down in your dorm room and gently caressed his hand as you told him what you felt was wrong.

His emotions were everywhere. One moments he was upset and crying, the next angry and yelling, mostly at himself, but in the end he was able to tell you what was wrong.

You held him closely, assuring him that even though he had these problems, you were always there for him. You weren’t going to leave him over this, that the two of you could always talk it out, just like the way you did during your own episodes.

For the next few days you made sure to shower him in affection, staying by his side almost all day, giving him treats, and reinforcing how much you love him. Your actions were reassuring to him, and while he still had some complicated feelings, you were helping to make him feel much better.

Sometimes things may be hard between the two of you, you both have your problems, but at the end of the day you both love each other, and both of you will always do your best to not let that get in the way.

[honey-crypt]

could i possibly get a fic about sebastian helping adhd!farmer through their rejection dysphoria? i leave the rest up to you, go wild <3

- 🪩

★ like the stream - sebastian x adhd!farmer ★

word count: 1.5k

warnings: rejection sensitivity dysphoria episode

summary: it's the day of the flower dance! you're prepared to ask your friend sam to be your dance partner when you're met face to face with a kind but otherwise hard rejection from the other party. Unable to cope with the rejection because of your RSD, you find yourself spiraling when another friend of yours, Sebastian, finds you alone and distressed in the depths of Cindersap Forest.

a/n: hi hi request #2 for my write-a-thon! hope this is an okay fic, i made sure to do some research on rsd and adhd (beyond my personal knowledge of it) for this fic :D

Today had to be perfect. 

That was what you repeated to yourself, as you made your way towards Cindersap Forest for the Flower Dance. You double, even triple, checked that you had everything ready for today. It may have taken two or ten sticky note reminders, but you knew that everything was in the right place. Your outfit? Check. Your flowers? Check. Your confidence to ask Sam to be your dance partner? Check!

As you got closer and closer, the sound of upbeat classical music grew louder and louder. They should really install a better alternative to this, I don’t know George crosses this, you thought to yourself while crossing the bridge over to the festival. An open green space greeted you with the residents of Pelican Town scattered about. You exchanged pleasantries with your fellow townies, making a beeline to your friend group by a secluded corner of the festival. 

“Hey (Y/N)!” Abigail gave you a small, half salute, “Didn’t think you were going to make it.”

“I lost track of time,” you confessed, “Nonetheless, I made it!”

Your two other friends, Sam and Sebastian, paused their side conversation at mention of your arrival. Sam offered you a dazzling smile that made your heart flutter, “(Y/N)! Good to see you!” and, much to your disappointment, he gave you a friendly side hug. You forced a smile in return and responded, “Yeah, for sure. I’m just glad I made it before the dance started.”

“Would’ve sucked ass if you missed it,” mused Abigail. Sebastian didn’t respond, staring silently at you. A frown graced your lips, What’s his deal? you questioned. Your chest, however, had a different reaction, tightening up at the sight of Sebastian’s deadpan. He’s probably just having a bad day, you reassured yourself, He’s not mad at you. He’s not mad at you. 

“I’m gonna grab some of Gus’s drinks,” you perked up at Sam’s voice, “You guys got a preference for what?”

“Ooo, get me the Tulip Jubilee,” requested Abigail.

“The Blue Jazz Drop for me,” you eyed Sebastian when he spoke up. Sam looked at you expectantly, “How about you, (Y/N)?”

“Oh, uhhhhh…” you mentally thumbed through your options, “No preference, just grab me something you think I’ll like,” you adjusted your collar with your free hand, “I trust your judgement.”

“Will do!” Sam responded with a double thumbs up before leaving for the food and drinks table. You let out a deep sigh and fiddled with the flower in your hand, a small but homegrown tulip. Abigail quirked an eyebrow up at you, “Something on your mind?”

“Oh! Well,” you cleared your throat, “Just thinking about the dance.”

“Fingers crossed that you don’t have to dance with Clint like last year,” snorted the purple-haired goth. You grimaced at the memory and scanned the crowd for the aforementioned blacksmith, seeing him talk poor Emily’s ear off, “Anyone but him,” you grumbled.

“Which reminds me,” your friend directed her attention to Sebastian, “Dance partners this year?” to which the black-haired boy nodded quietly. You stared at him with narrowed eyes, Why are you so quiet today?

“Back with the drinks!” your blonde friend announced to the group, two drinks in hand and two held tight against his chest. Sam passed out the drinks and informed you, “I got you the Sunflower Tonic.”

You pressed your lips against the cup and took a sip, the sweetness of the drink evident, “This is good,” you let your friends know.

“Ew, mine’s too sour,” sighed Abigail, her lips puckered. She held her drink towards the group, “Any takers?”

“I’ll try it,” answered Sam. He grabbed the drink and sipped it, his face grimacing, “Yikes. Too sour,” before handing it in front of you, “Want a taste?”

You felt flushed at the idea of sipping the drink after Sam and seized the opportunity, accidentally taking a big swing of it. Immediately, you gagged at the taste, “Ugh! My tongue!” and spat out what little liquid was left in your mouth. Sebastian finally took the drink and drank it without any sign of sourness on his face, “Yeah, this is bad,” he stated, “I’ll stick with my drink,” the emo resumed his Blue Jazz Drop. 

“Ladies and gentlemen!” Mayor Lewis’s voice echoed awkwardly through his microphone, “The Flower Dance will begin shortly! Last chance to find yourself a partner!”

You heard the man, this is your last chance! you grasped your flower and waited until Abigail and Sebastian went ahead to pull Sam aside, “Hey Sam, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, what’s up?” Yoba, his sunshine demeanor was too much. 

“Would you like to be my partner for the dance?” you held up the tulip. Sam’s sunshine self dimmed into a clouded version, “Oh, (Y/N), but Penny asked me to dance while I was getting the drinks. I’m really sorry.”

The sound of your world cracking rang through your ears, as you stood motionless in front of Sam, “Oh! I, uh…” tears pricked at your eyes, “I gotta go.”

Your surroundings began to blur and any outside noise turned into static, as you made your escape from the Flower Dance and deeper into Cindersap Forest. The bum bum of your heart and the swoosh of your blood pounded against your head. 

I hate him.

He hates me.

No, he just made a promise!

No, he thinks you’re the worst!

It was like being trapped on a carousel, your thoughts and emotions spinning around and around. Soon, you found yourself by a small stream, laying on the ground by it with sprawled out limbs. Tears rushed down your face and you heaved dryly, as your brain failed to comprehend Sam’s words and intent.

Oh, (Y/N), but Penny asked me to dance while I was getting the drinks. I’m really sorry.

You sat up, nearly flinging yourself forward towards the stream, and started to bite at your nails, “He hates me. He hates me. I hate myself. I hate myself. I-”

“(Y/N)?” 

You jerked your head to the left, Sebastian standing a few feet away from you. As he approached you, you hastily wiped your face with your sleeve, tears and snot staining the fabric, “Leave me alone,” you sniffled.

“(Y/N), what’s wrong?” he asked you, sitting down beside you with his knees to his chest. The tears resumed and coated your cheeks in the salty liquid, “I hate myself, okay?! I fucking hate myself, Sebastian!”

Sebastian tilted his head in confusion, “Why do you hate yourself?”

“Because I’m obviously such an awful person that Sam doesn’t want anything to do with me!” you cried out. Your friend frowned deeply, “(Y/N), you know that Sam usually dances with Penny at the Flower Dance.”

That made your blood steam, “I wanted it to be DIFFERENT, Sebastian! I wanted him to dance with me!” you heaved at Sebastian. He fell silent and fished out something from his suit pocket, a red tangle fidget. Your friend let it out to you and you snatched it without hesitation, fidgeting with it while you sobbed. You tried to get back to reality, but with each passing moment, the idea of returning to the present grew farther and farther away. Everything was hurting, your mind and your body, everything was hurting so much.

“I’m sorry that you’re hurting,” whispered Sebastian. You looked at him with watery eyes, “I can’t control this,” you admitted. He nodded quietly and held out a hand, to which you grasped and squeezed. Sebastian continued, “I know that these kinda things are a lot for you. I know that your mind is telling you a lot of awful stuff right now because of what Sam said, huh?”

“Yeah…” you squeezed his hand again. Sebastian added on, “I didn’t mean to watch, but I accidentally saw the whole situation go down. Sam looked upset when you ran away.”

“Well, he can shove,” you grumbled. Sebastian snorted and retorted, “He’s the one who wanted to check on you, but I told him that you seeing him while you’re in a RSD episode wouldn’t be that helpful.”

You moved closer to Sebastian and laid your head against his shoulders, “I hate my brain.”

“I get it, you’re not alone,” hummed the emo, “Isn’t this stream pretty, though?” he redirected your focus on the stream, the gentle rush of water humming against the swaying trees, “Maybe, just for a second, we can be like the stream.”

You closed your eyes and focused on the sound of the stream, envisioning yourself as one with the water. A sense of peace washed over you and you exhaled, still picturing yourself as the stream. It felt like an hour or so went by before you opened your eyes again, “I’m the stream,” you stated to Sebastian. 

“You’re the stream,” he repeated back, holding you close, “You’re the stream," your heartbeat and breathing returned to normal.

"I'm the stream."

[froggywritesstuff]

dysphoria | angel dust

ship/pairing: Angel dust x trans!male!reader (reader has a uterus and still gets his period)

fandom: Hazbin Hotel

request: Can I request Angel Dust comforting his trans boyfriend when he gets his period and is extremely dysphoric and depressed about the whole thing. This whole week has been a shit fest of dysphoria and crying.

warnings: maybe ooc idk , I didn't clarify in my writing but first confession of love i guess, periods, gender dysphoria, swearing, crying, emotional breakdowns, petnames (reader gets called baby), rushed ending, bad sex joke

word count: 758

A/N: sorry this is really short i have zero motivation to do anything 👍 fem and cis readers dni

You didn’t even need to tell Angel what was happening, nor did he need to ask. The second he saw your face contorted into one of discomfort, he was all over you. He hung up a dozen ‘do not disturb’ signs on your hotel room door (though it was basically a shared room at that point), prepared to verbally or physically attack anyone trying to disturb you. Before you could even mention cramps he had a heat pack fresh out the microwave for you, checking every five minutes if it was still warm or if you wanted it reheated. He would cuddle you tightly, him and Fat Nuggets doing their very best to cheer you up. Angel showed how much he truly cared for you. You couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend than him. However you felt nothing he could do would make the dysphoria you felt go away. He’s an amazing boyfriend but unfortunately he can’t stop your period or give you a dick. (he could do the second one if you asked him nicely)

”Ok I think this is all the chocolate in the entire hotel, I refilled your water, and I got you some of those snacks you like.” Angel listed as he sat on the bed beside you, dumping the food in your lap before readjusting the pillows wedged between your head and the wall, wanting to make sure you were as comfortable as you could be.

”Ange, you didn’t have to do all that.” you mumbled despite knowing it was pointless and he would continue to insist on helping you. 

He pulled you closer to him, letting you rest your head against his shoulder, “I told you it’s fine. I want nothin’ more than for you to be happy.”

You lazily snuggled up to him. Dealing with your period and the gender dysphoria that tagged along with it tended to drain your energy, "Thanks. I really appreciate you helping me with this."

Angel's arm snaked around your waist, holding you close to him, "Of course baby. But of the list of things I'd do for you, this is pretty mild. If your period was a person I swear I'd fuck 'em up real bad. Make 'em regret ever makin' you feel this way."

You couldn’t tell if it was just your hormones going batshit or not, but Angel’s words had you burst into tears. You quickly buried your face in the crook of his neck as he pulled you into a tight but comfortable hug.

”You’re ok babe, I’ve got you, just let it out,” his whispers comforted you as his hand gently rubbed up and down your back soothingly, not even caring that your tears were staining his shirt. 

Shaky breaths left your lips as you cried, “I'm grateful you're helping me. But I hate this. I hate my body. I hate it so fucking much.” your voice cracked as more tears rushed down your face. Angel was quick to pull out of the hug and cup your face, his eyes on you as his thumb caressed your cheeks. “It’s not fair.”

Tears brimmed Angel’s eyes, his heart breaking at your words, “I know baby. And you're right, it’s not fair. And you don’t deserve to feel this way one bit.” he pressed his lips to your forehead, “You hear me?" you gave a small nod as his thumb wiped away your tears, "And you're not your body. You're the hottest, the funniest, the kindest, the strongest, and the most handsome - yeah you're the most handsome and hottest man I’ve ever met, who also happens to be the best boyfriend in the world. And I wanna do anythin' to help you with this pain."

A small smile grew on your lips as you listened to him. He was so genuine and sincere, a big contrast to his usual sarcastic and snarky demeanour. On a day you felt like dying only he could make you feel like living, "I love you. So much."

He smiled ear to ear, feeling his heart swell at your words, "I love you too baby." he handed you one of the snacks he had brought, "Do you wanna eat something? And then you can talk more about what's botherin' you, or we can watch movies, or we can just nap. Whatever you wanna do."

You nodded, taking a bite of the snack, "That sounds good." Angel shifted on the bed so he was beside you again, one arm around your shoulders, while the other wiped your remaining tears.

[voiceofsword]

many thoughts about rinne working multiple jobs to get niki his first t dose (and all t doses after that)

more about hc under the cut

i think rinne knows from the get-go that niki's trans; when niki takes him in and everything, niki doesn't really have to tell him. niki obviously makes it known that he's a boy and doesn't make a big deal out of being trans but def feels a bit weird about his body developing at all since his it’s around that age that he begins going through puberty. he would already id as a boy by the time his family is doing their cooking show segments but it’s probably at the point where he’s so young his gender is pretty ambiguous anyway. we don’t know for sure if his parents leave right before hot limit flashbacks or even earlier but i think they’re just very disconnected from how niki feels about himself and probably still see him as that child.

niki doesn’t go out of his way to voice concerns or any possible dysphoria he might experience, either; he doesn’t ask for help because that seems like too much trouble and his parents are already sending him money for food, isn't that enough? niki’s parents wouldn’t be particularly Unsupportive but they're obviously not there With Him or providing money for the T so i think they are just misinformed. 

rinne gets good at reading niki pretty early on so to him it's obvious something is up..they dislike him being an idol far more than him being a guy. i like thinking about young rinne busting his ass w part time jobs to get food for them but as he starts making more he surprises niki with like. first dose of t from underground means, and from then onwards it becomes routine for them to do his t-shot together — a year or two into them living together. rinne probably has more experience with gender/identity stuff on account of it being implied that his hometown is far more accepting of gay marriage than the city, but he obviously doesn’t have knowledge of modern medicine so, when he says he spent a lot of time at libraries learning about modern society, i’d like to think he also spent time looking into how he could help niki feel more comfortable with himself. 

and to this day i think they still do niki’s shots together bc idk its very intimate. and they've both gotten used to it and although they don't struggle to juggle food and the hormones anymore it's still smth they look forward to

[kurt-hummel-eat-your-heart-out]

Can you write something about the outsiders gang with a trans guy reader whos supper dysphoric. Or maybe coming out to them? I don't know just a thought

Yesss ofc! I decided to go with headcannons bc I can do a little section for each of the boys, I hope that’s okay. I wrote this pre-existing to the book/movie btw.

Transmasc! Reader x The Outsiders gang HCs

_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•

•_Johnny Cade_•

Johnny is one of the first people you come out to

He’s generally the most accepting of the group at first

He helps you figure out how you’re going to tell everyone else and reassures you about it

If someone is upset or unaccepting towards you, he’ll make his disappointment in them known

And if Johnny is disappointed in you, you know you’re in the wrong

So he gets his point across very easily

Don’t let him cut your hair-

He will fuck it up so bad

We all know what happens when this boy tries to cut hair

Offers to get (possibly steal) things like men’s cologne or other little things for you

If you’re having a bad dysphoria day, call him. He usually knows what to say or how to distract you from it.

•_Ponyboy Curtis_•

A little confused at first

Not upset or anything, just confused

You’ll have to go into depth a little for him to understand

But once he gets it, he’s supportive

He already saw you as ‘one of the guys’ anyway, so this isn’t really a big difference to him

If he has some shirts or flannels to spare, he’s definitely letting you borrow them

He will also offer you a haircut

I wouldn’t trust him with hair either

He wouldn’t even bother with scissors, he’d just grab any blade and start hacking away

It’s the thought that counts

Not the best with comforting words, but he’ll listen if you need someone to talk to or hug you if you feel like shit

•_Dallas Winston_•

Really bad initial reaction, unfortunately

He’s really confused about it

He known you’ve never really been into all the typical girly things. Like makeup, skirts, all that

He knew you’d rather be caught dead than in a pair of pumps

But for some reason he still doesn’t seem to be able to wrap his head around the fact that you’re a guy

At first he sort of thinks you’re joking and doesn’t really take you seriously

But he comes around eventually (not without Johnny having to talk to him, though)

Once he kind of realizes how big of a deal this is for you, he becomes a little more protective over you

He’ll act really casual about it, but he secretly worries about you a lot

If anyone so much as looks at you wrong, he’ll take ‘em outside

•_Sodapop Curtis_•

Probably the second or third person you tell

Similar reaction to Ponyboy, you might have to go into detail a bit

But regardless, he supports you. He doesn’t really care what you do, as long as you’re happy

Like Pony, he’ll also offer to let you borrow his clothes. He knows it makes you feel a lot better to actually wear men’s clothes, so he’ll give you some of his

He really wants you to teach you how to do your hair if you end up cutting it short

He’s so going to teach you guy stuff, like he would love to

He’s in the room when Pony attempts to cut your hair. He immediately stops him before he can cut anything off, he already knows it’s gonna end badly

He’s also a little protective of you. If you’re around a lot of people in public, he stands next to you in case anyone decides to be rude.

•_Darry Curtis_•

You have Soda and Pony in the room when you decide to tell him

You aren’t really sure how he’s going to react, so you’re a little surprised when he’s supportive of you

Since he’s basically had to become a father figure to his younger brothers, he feels very protective over you now

He’s gonna give you a talk about how rude people are going to be and how you have to be careful (like you don’t already know)

He’s really worried about you. He knows how stupid people can be, and he doesn’t want anything to happen to you

If he has a say in it, he won’t let you go anywhere alone. He’ll always have Soda or Pony go places with you or walk you home

He’s gonna offer to get you a switchblade if you don’t already have one

He’s just very worried. He’s stern and overprotective sometimes because he cares, it’s the same way with his brothers

It’s just his way of showing love and that he cares

•_Steve Randle_•

Sodapop probably tells him for you, just because he’s not sure how he’ll react

He acts like he doesn’t really care, but he does

He honestly slips up with your name a lot in the beginning

Deep down he feels really bad about it, but he acts like he doesn’t care that much

He’s trying, I promise

He would steal things for you if you asked him to. He’ll act like it’s no big deal, but he’s glad you’re actually asking him to

It makes him feel like he’s helping or making things better in some way

If you’re younger than him, he’s definitely going to call you ‘little man’ to annoy you

He’s there to listen if you need someone to talk to about things, but he really won’t know how to be supportive. He’s not the most empathetic person, but he’s sympathetic to your situation

•_Two bit (Keith) Matthews_•

When you come out to him, it’s like probably the one time he’s ever been serious in his life

He even paused the TV for it

But after that, it’s back to his usual joking and tomfoolery

His way of ‘guy bonding’ is offering you beer and cigarettes every time you hang out

He kind of assumes you’d want to smoke and drink like rest of the guys, so if you decline he’d be a little surprised

If Steve isn’t calling you ‘little man’, he absolutely will

He’s going to have so many new nicknames for you now, just wait

Mister man, stud, boss, things of that nature. It’s not to make fun of you, he just thinks they’re funny

He’s for sure going to go make fun of you if you’re short, though. Unless it bothers you and you ask him to stop. But if you aren’t super bothered by it, he’s so doing that

_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•

Thank you for the request, I hope I wrote something you liked:) this is not proofread so lmk if there’s any typos as always.

[larryatendoftheday]

This year I craved stories that transported me somewhere else. So in addition to my usual weakness for angst, I sought out fics with surprising plots and excellent world-building. These were the ones that really stuck with me. Thank you to these creators and to everyone who shares art or writing or creates fic rec lists. You have been and will continue to be a fantastic gift to so many. Thank you <3

Note: The fics in this list were published in many different years. They are not in a particular order. The main pairing is Louis/Harry unless otherwise noted.

Party Lines by nonsensedarling @absoloutenonsense Explicit | 25k | Phone Sex Operator

Several of my all time favorite fics are phone sex operator AUs, and this fic is an iconic addition because Louis isn’t even actually a phone sex operator. He’s pretending, and he gets attached. Full of sexy, sweet, and funny dialogue and the appropriate amount of suffering and uncertainty, this fic will transport you to an excellent alternate universe.

War Of Hearts by BoosBabycakes @boosbabycakes28 Explicit | 80 k | Enemies to Lovers / Non-traditional ABO

I live for a well-executed enemies to lovers arc, and this is it. Believable, sweet, funny, angsty, and oh so satisfying to read. Alpha Harry doesn’t fit his gender’s stereotypes, especially in private. His arch-nemesis Louis knocks on his dorm-room door in the middle of a pampering self-care night and sees the side of Harry that he keeps hidden. What follows is a fantastic gAyBO story about repressing, exploring, and accepting your true self. There is a strong cast of OT5 and related people that keep you laughing and believing. Honestly, I need to re-read this right now.

Men of Steel, Men of Power by Stria (Asia117) @nooradeservedbetter Explicit | 58k | Political Revolution / ABO

Get ready to be absolutely consumed by this parallel universe and the angst-ridden reality of Louis, pretend alpha and head of security, and Harry, feminine alpha and new-hire. There is enjoyable intrigue, mystery, crying, sex, political philosophizing, and some spy movie shit as Louis attempts to right wrongs and push back against those in power. OT5 pop up in surprising and satisfying ways. However, perhaps most notable to me was the attention to detail in how Louis deals with pretending to be a gender he is not. (Perhaps don’t read while in your gender dysphoria feels but do read to feel seen.)

what's left of my halo's black by LiveLaughLoveLarry @loveislarryislove Explicit | 22k | Friends with Benefits / Angst

If you love pain, this fic is for you. A heartbroken and emotionally damaged Louis manages his problems—such as being a wedding planner and the impact of his abusive ex--by secretly fucking his coworker Harry. It turns out this doesn’t actually solve his problems, though, and new issues emerge from what was supposed to be a simple friends-with-benefits arrangement.

turn me up by turnyourankle  Explicit | 3k | Hanky Code PWP | Louis/Luke Malak

I found this while searching for @1dhankyfest content, and I love it. There’s something about unabashed gay sex culture that revives my soul.

Paint Me In A Million Dreams by green_feelings @greenfeelings Mature | 112k | Fake Dating / Enemies to Lovers

Hollywood actor Harry Styles is gutted when the man he can’t stand gets the Scorsese role he wanted. It gets worse when their teams conspire to set them up in a fake relationship to promote the film. I read this fic in the first days of 2023, so the details are a bit blurry in my memory. I know I loved the enemies to lovers arc, the strong Ziam subplot, and Harry obsessing over his unavailable crush (which isn’t Louis). In my comment, I wrote, “My heart absolutely ached with the pining and angst, and the sexual tension was so palpable.”

Gonna Dream of How You ... by therogueskimo Explicit | 4k | PWP / Canon-compliant

This canon-based fic was so steamy and tender. Photos of Louis performing in a tanktop get Harry going. What follows is some long-distance edging and fun. It features soft Dom Louis and desperate Harry and just really hits all the right notes in my opinion.

Almost Misheard by tommokat @tommokat Teen and Up | 4k | Friends to Lovers / ABO

This is a comfort fic. It’s got hilarious fluff about best friends who realize what their inner alpha and omega knew all along. (The rest of the gang might be in on the secret too.) I’m almost amazed by fics that manage to pull me in with believable characters and storylines without any angst, and this one delivers on every front. You’ll be grinning the whole time.

Coax the Cold by MediaWhore @mediawhorefics Mature | 86k | Mermaid / Historical AU

Professor Tomlinson is fascinated by the occult. When a circus advertises a unique sea creature, he decides to go undercover as a janitor to get close. He plans to write the paper that will finally prove he was right about the existence of fantastical creatures. This author expertly builds the world of this fic – 1800s Britain, academia, and freak shows. I loved the believable cast of characters (OT5 and more!) and the stakes that are set, including the horrid antagonists.

fondre ton absence by scrunchyharry @scrunchyharry Teen and Up| 41k | Amnesia / Historical AU

Harry and Louis childhood best friends who grew up and discovered love together in a quiet village. Harry manages asthma and chronic illness that often leaves him homebound with his books, but Louis always keeps him company. Their simple life is turned upside down when Louis is drafted in WWI and does not return home. Then, when Harry finally finds him, Louis doesn’t remember anything. This story was a tearjerker but so beautifully written. I adored that portions of the story were told in letters and that Harry often referred to literary works. Bonus: This fic has amazing visuals by whenthebodiesspeak.

be a good boy, Harry by stretchmybones Explicit | 1k | PWP / Pet play

Harry wants to play, but Louis is busy watching football, so he asks Harry to wait. I haven’t stopped thinking about this domestic and sexy little slice of life since I read it in January of 2023. My comment said “simple and perfect,” and I still agree.

The Heart's Home by homosociallyyours @homosociallyyours Teen and Up | 10k | Squiddry

Someone wrote the Music for a Sushi Restaurant fic of my dreams. Half-man, half-squid, with the voice of an angel, Harry is quite the catch. Louis, an exhausted and lonely restaurant employee, is tasked with keeping an eye on the special find. This story was so entertaining and sweet. It filled me up with good vibes and left me happier than I started.  

~~~~

I always include my favorite fic that I published that year at the end of these lists. I didn’t publish much, but I really enjoyed this one.

In His Rightful Place by larryatendoftheday @larryatendoftheday Explicit | 2.7k | PWP

Harry reunites with Louis and gets to reclaim his role as the person who fucks his boyfriend best.

[variousxreader]

I DUNNO IF THIS WAS THE RIGHT INBOX OR NOT AAAAA

CAPTAIN KOBY HEADCANONS MY BELOVED

(Haven’t watched that far into One Piece, I’m at like episode 500 so sorry if these are ooc at all)

General

- Doesn’t like coffee, no matter how much sugar or creamer he puts in it’s always not quite right or to his liking, he’s the same way with some teas.

- Keeps a pocket sketchbook or some sort of small notebook hand, sketches or writes about things he sees or thinks about.

- Favorite animal would be otters, I feel like he would see them frequently while sailing and overall likes them for their smarts, such as using rocks to open shells. Though, he absolutely adores how they hold hands or hold their kin while they sleep or float to not get lost.

- Morning person, definitely. Almost always the first one up and awake, walking around and already doing things while everyone else is still in bed.

- While he has grown up and became stronger, he’s still an easy crier. He gets emotional over things and while he can shove down the need to cry, he finds some place private to let his emotions go. He doesn’t like it when people see him cry publically, he feels like that wouldn’t make him “strong” to anyone anymore, especially with everything he has to go through.

- Struggles with anxiety, and I mean this man is brimming with it. His habit of overthinking can lead him to peril, while he has been scolded for “not doing anything and risking lives” due to it, some of his decisions after that could seem reckless, as he wouldn’t even give a second thought to the first thing that comes to mind.

- Definitely sleeps hugging a pillow, cannot sleep without hugging or holding something.

- Personal headcanon (I don’t know if we ever learn about his family or not) I think that while yes he truly did mistake the Alvida pirate’s boat for a fishing boat, he really was trying to sail away for good that day. People in his life would always tell him that he cries too easily or was too skittish about literally everything, overall bringing him down for years of his life. Yes, it was ok when he was younger, but while this behavior continued, people yelled at him more about how he needed to “not be such a crybaby” and not be so afraid of everything. Even now, he has issues dealing with people yelling or raising their voice at him.

- Another personal headcanon, this fella is so trans masc coded to me. When he found Luffy he was scared at first of course, some random ass stranger popped out of a barrel. But what really sold him is that Luffy didn’t question him at all about how he sounded or looked different, but to be quite frank, Luffy doesn’t seem like the type of person to bring that up anyway. Yes, Luffy saved him and he’s happy about that, but he also saw how he was? How he actually wanted to be? AND inspired his dreams?? The boost of confidence he got from that still fuels him to this day as a captain, that’s why he still looks back to that day, the first day someone saw him for who he actually was and didn’t question him. Still questions to this day if he’s valid or even passing for that matter, but that memory always helps him with dysphoria.

S/O

- Loves spooning, he doesn’t care if he's big or little spoon, he’s perfectly content either being held or him holding you. Though, he does have the habit of being mostly big spoon since he wants to protect you and keep you safe.

- His love language would definitely be quality time, especially with how long he has to be gone for sometimes. When he comes back after whatever duties he had, all he wants to do is spend some time with you doing whatever. Could be something as little as just sitting and holding each other in silence, or something more like going shopping or on a date. Though, his favorite thing to do would probably be being able to snuggle up with the person he cares the most about and rest without having to worry.

- Love hugging his s/o from behind and resting his head on their back or shoulder, depending on his height.

- This man is all green flags, will absolutely pamper his s/o if they’re feeling under the weather and sooth them if they’re not feeling 100%.

Sorry for any spelling mistakes btw :3€

AAAAA GOD TIER HEADCANONS!!!! I love them all!!!!!!

Don't you worry, im crawling through Impel Down, dreading 482 and what comes after 🙃 Ace girl things™️

But AAAAA no SADS JUST KOBY

This man has abused golden retriever energy, like rescued and bounced back and is the healthiest boy now.

He is a literal cinnamon roll!!!!!

God he'd cry over every animal he sees because its so cute. Like "S/O! Look!!!!! At them!!! Can we adopt them?!" Its so hard to say no

I loveeeeeeee the idea of him falling for a Pirate. Man is so upset about it too at first, like he is so in denial about it. Till a silly fanfic esq situation gets them alone and he can't deny the attraction, physical and emotional anymore?! Chefs kiss the drama!

I also love the idea for Trans masc Koby, that Garp is just like Luffy in his acceptance, like hes so confused as to why people would be upset that Koby identifies as a man. "You say you're a man so you're a man. " simple as that.

Also, forehead kisses on his scar!!!!!

Steal his bandana to tie up your own hair, the mans heart nearly stops and he clutches his chest.

Also i love the idea of his S/O trolling Alvida in subtle ways. As petty revenge on Koby's behalf. Like just any chance they get, they fuck with her. Steals her hat or something just goofy shit that you know would drive the unhinged woman mad.

Koby would 10/10 write little love poems in that notepad/ sketch book for his s/o or crush. Not that he'd be brave enough to share. He could be convinced. Lol

Hes a precious little Peony

[oddballwriter]

Moon Boys with a Trans Reader

꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦

Warnings: some mentions of dysphoria and transphobia from others 

Author’s Snip: I just had this idea come into my mind randomly last night and I almost got up just to write it but it was already hella late and I'm working on trying to wake up early for my upcoming semester. Thankfully I managed to remember just now so I'm writing it now.

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦

Steven Grant

Our sweetie man <3

I know I always say this but I feel like with Steven, but I feel like learning something and researching something about you or what you like is sort of a love language/show of affection and caring

So when he meets you (or you come out as trans to him) he takes time to learn some things so that you can feel more comfortable and also works on saying things properly like getting your pronouns right and the like

Steven always compliments people but he makes sure to compliment you the most. You always hear the words "beautiful/handsome" and "lovely/dashing" coming out of him

If he ever sees you looking at yourself in the mirror to check your outfit and you look slightly unsure about how you feel about it then he comes up behind you says you look great in it

If you ever feel dysphoric and have one of those days where you just don't feel like your body is reflecting who you are right, he understands in the best way he can and consoles you

"I still think you're beautiful/handsome. And it's okay if you aren't feeling that way today. You'll always be great to me."

If anyone misgenders you or uses the wrong pronouns while he's with you, he politely and quickly corrects them. He doesn't want to formulate it like they did it on purpose, he just does it quietly

He will, however, although not a fan of confrontation, tell someone to act properly if they're causing problems

Marc Spector

He's also really great

Marc takes a bit of time getting used to everything but that's just because he wants to make sure that he doesn't do anything that hurts you or makes you upset

He tries his best to help you with dysphoria and any other issues that you deal with as a trans person

"You're a woman/man to me. And, wow, are you a pretty/handsome one."

The flirt seems a bit out there but he's trying to help you by letting you know that your identity is valid to him and that he sees you in that light and always will

Not afraid to break someone's nose if they call you something nasty or say something

This man would get into a full on fist fight for you and he means that

Marc hardly speaks how he feels, except for when he thinks you look pretty and hot, which is all the time. The only emotion he voices is his attraction to you

In case someone does a double take because you don't have a corresponding voice to your appearance yet, he looks at them with a stern "What? You have a problem?" face

Jake Lockley

Marc would get in a fist fight with a transphobe... but Jake would get in a knife fight

Jake takes it upon himself to protect you if need be. Not saying that Steven and Marc wouldn't protect you too but with Jake all he really knows how to do outside of be your loving boyfriend is be a guard dog

It's his Ken job /j

If you ever feel dysphoric he places you in front of a mirror, points at your reflection, and goes "You know what I see? A hot ass woman/man. And I get to see her/him all the time."

He buys you a lot of things. Like clothes that you enjoy, perfumes/cologne, all the things you could want and make you feel more like you

Flirting comes naturally to him and he frequently calls you pretty, of course in Spanish and english

Makes it clear to everyone that you're a woman/man and if someone says something then we've already established what he'll do

[itsjaywalkers]

Hello!hope ur having a good day :) <33

I was wondering if u wanted to share some trans reg hc, could be overall or like the boxing au one, or anything rly.

Like who was the first person he came out to, how/when did he realise, how does he deal with dysphoria- what gives him dysphoria/euphoria, and maybe how would it translate into like relationship and sexlife, would he be able to go ahead without any/much dysphoria, or would he have to have sex a ‘specific way(?? Idk??)’ to make it work?

A lot of question I know, and u don’t have to answer if it makes u uncomfortable or anything, I just wanted to hear more about your headcanons about this.

//a trans guy who is obsessed with trans reg, and ur writing

hi darling!! i have today off so i am . in fact . having a great day <3 i hope yours is treating u kindly too!!

and ofc i want to!! i'm gonna do it boxer au based, since reg's trans experience isn't the same in every story!! and don't worry, i'm happy to answer ur questions!! it doesn't make me uncomfy in the slightest, trans reg is very special to me too for many reasons and i loveeee talking about him <3

the first person he came out to was sirius!! this is my Truth almost always no matter the fic. it changes sometimes, if he takes longer to realise and he and sirius have a complicated relationship but !! in the boxer au they get along great and they're very close, so reg told sirius first!!

sirius already had his suspicions tho, and they had a lot of long deep convos about gender. he helped reg figure himself out and supported him every step of the way

in the boxer au, he realised quite young!! he was never completely comfortable in his own body, but since he was a very awkward and . odd . kid everyone attributed it to reg just not being 'normal' in general. when puberty hit it got worse tho, and even tho everyone told him it'd pass and that puberty wasn't supposed to feel good or fun, reg knew there was something else

sirius also noticed there was something going on with his brother, so he tried to help him in every way he could. he lent him his clothes whenever reg asked (even tho it was always kind of begrudgingly), convinced their parents to allow him to wear his hair short, bought him oversized clothes and called him by his nickname and never his actual name

but i think the moment it actually hit reg was when he got mistaken by a boy one time he got out of school and went to his father's office to wait for him. the receptionist assumed he was sirius, and it finally clicked for him

he didn't tell sirius immediately tho. he researched a lot first, almost obsessively, and he doubted himself all of the time, having these moments in which . he was afraid he was actually somehow making it all up in his mind

reg was very scared of change, and this was a very big One. he knew sirius would support him no matter what, but there's always fear yk?? and there was also the matter of his parents. he was absolutely terrified

but he ended up blurting it out one night he and sirius stayed up late in secret. sirius talked to him about this one boy he was crushing into, and came out to him. and reg came out to him in return!! there were a lot of hugs and a lot of tears (they pretended this never happened the next morning)

sirius was a man on a mission after this. he helped him browse names and started using the correct pronouns, always getting so incredibly upset when he slipped at the beginning. reg found it very endearing, and assured him it was fine bc it was understandably gonna take them both some time

reg didn't have many close friends back then, so he didn't really come out to anyone in school, and he graduated with only sirius knowing the truth

those years were hard ngl, and reg struggled A Lot, but having sirius on his side made the whole thing . slightly more bearable . sometimes not even that was enough but reg appreciated it immensely

how he deals with dysphoria has changed over time!! he relied a lot on the internet when he was younger, and on his brother too, but there was only so much sirius could do apart from offering a willing ear and being comforting, considering he couldn't really understand what reg was going through. it absolutely broke sirius' heart, to see him have breakdown after breakdown, losing his appetite or refusing to leave his room for days

back then reg experienced dysphoria constantly. he wasn't comfortable in his own body and he had a hard time looking at himself in the mirror, or even listening to himself talk

some days he could kind of deal with it, remain functional despite it all. he did his best to keep himself distracted so he wouldn't think too much about the whole thing

but other days getting up from bed was Hard

now tho !! it doesn't happen That often, he's the man he was always meant to be !! he's on T and got top surgery and legally changed his name and gender so he's kind of thriving

he still has his moments tho bc this is something he's gonna have to deal with for the rest of his life so when it happens he goes to the twins!! they're both trans in this story so they Understand what he's going through and they support each other Always

they exchange advice and comfort each other when it gets especially Hard and . idk it's all very lovely, they're each other's ppl yk??

again, back then a lot of stuff gave him dysphoria, but nowadays it's more specific?? little things that usually don't upset him that badly but that sometimes pile up and end up giving him actually bad dysphoria??

like . he's a well-known sports journalist, he isn't really a celebrity or anything but ppl do talk about him sometimes, especially bc of sirius (and then bc of james) and they tend to mention his looks or how similar or different he looks to his brother

and sometimes they use more . feminine adjectives or straight up say he's kinda feminine or even comment on him being trans since it's public knowledge and reg has spoken on it more than once and . it's stuff that doesn't affect him that badly but it still annoys him

it's the same when ppl highlight how passing he looks, how u can't even tell he's trans, etc

there's also the ppl that are purposefully transphobic or misgender him which . does actually make him quite dysphoric, even tho he's mostly very comfortable with his identity + his looks now

he also has a bit of a complicated relationship with . stuff that it's considered 'feminine'

like clothes don't have any gender, same with makeup, and reg wouldn't mind wearing a skirt even tho it's not his style and he does wear some makeup semi-regularly for tv interviews etc etc but . sometimes he feels slightly uncomfy on it, like he gets bad memories or becomes paranoid about how he looks in it, if the clothes make his body seem too . curvy .

as i've said, he's very confident nowadays but he still has his moments!!

when it comes to gender euphoria, it's all about the little things!! people calling him handsome, seeing how hairy his body is now, the fact that he can take his shirt off now when he goes to the beach etc

when it comes to relationships and his sex life he has reached a point in which he can usually go ahead without getting dysphoria but . it depends on his partner really

some ppl can be transphobic without meaning to or simply bc of a lack of knowledge which is fine by him u know he totally gets it, it's a matter of being willing to learn and to listen to him

like . he's used to guys assuming he only bottoms or not even ask if he's comfortable using his front hole u know

or using afab terms to refer to his genitals without making sure first reg is okay with that

which brings me to my next point !! in oby, reg himself uses afab terms and he's fine with james using them too, they've had a convo about it and everything

but it's different for reg in the boxer au!! he does use afab terms for himself, he doesn't mind at this point and it doesn't give him any dysphoria however . when it comes to his sexual partners . he prefers them using words like a cock or hole or more neutral names . it gives him gender euphoria!! and the other stuff makes him kinda uncomfy. it's fine when he's the one saying it or thinking it but hearing it out loud coming from . other people, especially people who are just there bc they're attracted to him and want to fuck him is . Not Great

he also isn't always fine with using his front hole during sex, it depends on his mood and how much he trusts the person he's gonna be sleeping with. besides, he quite likes anal too so !!

this whole thing is another reason why . reg doesn't want to sleep with james bc he feels like he's gonna be a bit of an asshole about it or be another guy who doesn't even bother asking about his preferences or what he's comfy with

which isn't the case at all!! james has been with trans ppl before, and even if he hadn't, he's very considerate with his partners!! and as he should tbh. him being arrogant or knowing he's great in bed doesn't mean he's selfish

[your-queer-dad]

Hey dad,

I’ve been really struggling with my mental health recently. Actually I have been for about a year but it’s gotten a lot worse recently. Some of it I think is tied to being trans and closeted and having a lot of dysphoria. I haven’t told my parents about any of this, mostly because I’ve been acting like I’m fine around them all the time so how will they react when I suddenly tell them I’m not fine? Will they think I’m being dramatic or overreacting or will they actually take me seriously and try to help me? I also tend to try to wear baggy clothes and long sleeves and pants, to hide the shape of my body because I don’t like it but also to hide scars that my parents don’t know about and I don’t want them seeing but since the weather has been really hot recently my mom has been trying to get me to wear short sleeve shirts and shorts, but she doesn’t understand that it makes me feel uncomfortable. At this point, my body doesn’t even feel like mine anymore and I hate it, I hate myself, but I don’t know how to communicate that to my parents.

Sorry for such a long vent.

-Felix (he/xe)

Hey kiddo, please don't apologise for venting it's okay. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of that. I've been in a similar situation and it isn't easy- I'd recommend maybe telling someone, if you're able to. I promise you things will get better.

- dad x

[changingplumbob]

York Household: Chapter 9, Part 9

Reece comes for a quick stay over and Kelly's first day of high school does not go well.

CW: Unicorn zombie with minor carton gore, mentions of dysphoria

The Yorks are Italian so if you see them using words that don't look like English it's Italian, or what google assures me is Italian. Caro/Cara: Dear Buongiorno: Good morning Piccolo: Little one Tesoro: Treasure Nonno: Grandfather Nonna: Grandmother Si: Yes Grazie: Thank you Per Favore: Please Buon Compleanno: Happy Birthday

The birthday party has ended but there’s someone arriving.

Deanna: Reece? What are you doing here

Reece: Isn’t it obvious? My best friend got dumped. I’m here to make sure you don’t slide into a depressive rut

Deanna: Thanks but what about Samir

Reece: Trust me, he’s capable of surviving a day without me. Now where’s the food? And we can talk about that no good Paris

The pair grab some leftover mac and cheese and head to the patio.

Reece: Have I been blind or did you get a tan

Deanna: It’s the new me, finally looking Italian like the rest of my family now

Calista: So here’s your gift from me

Kelly: A locust?

Calista: There was a plague of them, figured that sounded like a bug you would like

Kelly: Grazie ma

Calista: The gift from your pa is on the porch

Kelly goes out and sees a new teen sized bike waiting for him. Excitedly he hops on and sets off to speed down his favourite hills

After eating Reece and Deanna head out to the nature beside the house. They both love the outdoors so feel more comfortable surrounded by nature than indoors.

Deanna: Can I ask you a serious question

Reece: Of course

Deanna: What do you love about Samir? Something you love that’s not what he looks like or how you look after him?

Reece: Oh, we’re going deep then. Well there’s a bunch related to the stuff you said but separate from that… *smiles* easy, his dedication. He goes after things with his whole heart and doesn’t give up when he comes across hurdles. *laughs* Actually do you know back in high school he’d arrive two hours before the doors got unlocked to run football drills on the field?

Deanna: Dang, when did he sleep

Reece: But of course am in love with his biceps to. And really… we look after each other more than just me looking after him, or the other way around

Deanna: *sighs* Paris said that I was in love with what she was, not who she was. She said I loved that she was an orphan that I could look out for and protect, because she asked me what I asked you and I didn’t have an answer

Reece: You didn’t?

Deanna: No. I’ve been thinking since and… maybe she was right. I loved that she was a cute blonde who was somehow shorter than me. Helping her made me feel good about myself. Did I love her? Did I even know what made her different from any other short blonde out there?

Reece: From the outside you seemed smitten but De… only you know the answer to that. Do you miss her

Deanna is silent for a while, but Reece knows she'll speak when she's figured out what she wants to say.

Deanna: Honestly… not as much as I thought I would

(her sad moodlet lasted a single afternoon it was weird)

Deanna: Maybe it was for the best that she left. I shouldn’t blame her for being the first one to see my heart wasn’t in it

The two lie quietly for a while, watching the clouds change colour in the sunset and smelling the sea on the breeze.

Reece: Look on the bright side. Now you get to go out there and find new women to woohoo

Deanna: Hmm, I suppose I can take your share

Reece: Deal, you have the tacos and I’ll have the sausage

Both of them spend the next few minutes giggling to themselves. They’ve been friends for most of their lives, being together remains easy no matter how complex life gets. After a while Reece pulls Deanna to her feet and they head inside so Deanna can do her university homework.

Kelly wakes up early the next morning, anxious to get ready for his first day of high school even if the watcher will not be accompanying him. He’s started feeling embarrassed about his new teenage body, like it doesn’t fit right. Trying to bush it off he decides to do a dance workout after breakfast. Workouts always seem to make his parents feel good about themselves.

Unfortunately school was rocky. Kelly got in two separate fights and his principal said he would be stood down for a day. Kelly knew his pa would also get a call so rather than head home after the last bell he opted to swing by Atlas’ house.

Atlas: Stupid rain. We could have gone for a bike ride

Kelly: There’s been a lot of stupid today

They head in and while Atlas has some chores Kelly decides to pass the time talking to Atlas’ mum Celeste. She is pretty dubious of him and his evil antics, especially since Atlas got the good trait on age up.

Celeste: Did you two enjoy your first day

Kelly: So many new sims to tor- get to know. And teachers

Celeste: How did you find it Atlas

Atlas: Fine but Kelly was the best entertainment all day

Celeste: Oh?

Kelly: Just a few scraps, no big deal. It's not like anyone had to go to hospital

Atlas: You’ll need to sell it better than that to your lawyer pa

Celeste: Hmm. Better catch that loading screen Kelly. You don’t want the rain to glitch anything

Atlas mouths an apology while Kelly shrugs and tries to look unbothered.

Aaron: Care to explain?

Kelly: It wasn’t my fault! Well, not completely

Aaron: Kelly, we know you have an evil side. We accept it. Per favore, can you be honest with me caro

Kelly: Fine. I was having some trouble in English and this kid beside me, Roger, said I looked like I was dyslexic and laughed so I pulled his chair out from under him. He punched me after that so I hit him back

Aaron: And the second fight

Kelly: *sighs* they split the boys and girls for the health lesson. At lunch I asked Anya what she learned and some girl thought I was being a creep for asking so I stomped on her foot. She wailed and told the duty teacher I’d attacked her

Aaron: *sighs* I see. Grazie for telling me what happened

Kelly: Am I grounded pa

Aaron: Personally I think a day stood down from school is plenty enough punishment. Education is important, it’s stupid to take it away as a punishment

Deanna: So you crashed and burned on your first day? Rough luck

Kelly: Shut up. At least…

Deanna: No comeback?

Kelly: I think I want to talk to Joey

Deanna: *laughs* careful or someone will accuse you of loving your family

Kelly sighs in indignation but calls Joey who is happy to come around and chill (he’s a bro, chilling is what he does best)

Joey: There’s Rocky!

Kelly: There’s who

Joey: Nevermind, clearly before your time. What did you want to chat about

Kelly: I got in some fights today

Joey: Okay and? Because to be honest bro I figured you would

Kelly: I’ve been feeling off since becoming a teen

Joey: We all do, it takes time to adjust. It'll pass

Kelly: I don’t think so

Joey: What makes you think that

Kelly: In health class they were talking about everything puberty does to us and our pixel parts and it just... felt wrong. Like I don’t want any of it to happen to me!

Joey: So you don’t want to be a grown human? You want to be in a kid body forever?

Kelly: I do want to be grown! I just… don’t want to be a grown man

Joey: Oh… I’m a dolt for not realising what you meant, sorry!

Kelly: I was talking to Anya about what the girls learned and honestly, I wish I’d been born a girl so I could go through that instead. Don't laugh but... I want to be a woman one day

Joey: Okay. You were clearly born a girl though if that's what you feel

Kelly: What? My parts aren't-

Joey: *sighs* Someone just got your code wrong on the physical side. Glitches happen all the time. Come here sis, it’ll be fine

Kelly always had a feeling her older brother was open minded but it was nice to have confirmation. As he wrapped her in his arms she felt herself relax a bit. Maybe things wouldn’t be so tough?

(They won’t be Kelly! I pinky promise you this is a transphobia free save!)

Hi, me popping in! I'd just like you to know that Kelly rolled being trans all by herself when she aged up! It was zero percent planned but I am super excited for developing her story. It will be a big change, just like Onyx being non-binary, so please don't beat yourself up if you accidentally misgender my evil bean in a comment while your brain switches her pronouns. Hopefully it can be practice for all of us, and will help us make pronoun switches more easily in the real world. Obviously if you purposely misgender her you should stop following me because I'm not interested in nonsense like that.

Final comment, she will absolutely still be evil. Her next bit of story will be more focused on her gender rather than her terrorising the populace, but you can expect she's still going to be her. So if you go swimming in Tartosa, don't wear polka dots.

Previous ... Next

[void-does-not-sleep]

Sometimes I genuinely hate being genderfluid and I have moments where I really regret coming out.

For me personally…being genderfluid isn’t about using any pronouns but more about using all pronouns depending on how I feel.

For example, certain days I will identify as a boy, other days as a girl and some days as non binary.

I have days where I feel super masculine and I want to chop off all my hair and wear my binder to appear flat and have people use he/him for me.

Other days I’m comfy being feminine and wearing girly clothes and being called a girl.

But on days when dysphoria hits, getting misgendered hurts so much it makes me wanna rip my skin off and cry.

When I came out to my friend group which consisted mostly of trans people I seriously thought I’d feel supported but no, I feel the exact opposite.

I know I don’t exactly pass cause I can’t chop my hair off to appear more masculine/androgynous cause of transphobic parents but I still do my best to appear masculine on days where I feel like a guy, like wearing my binder and wearing masculine clothes. But that’s just isn’t enough. I still get misgendered. Still get called by my feminine name.

And I could just speak up about it

But…I don’t want to seem like I’m making it a big deal

Nobody else in the group seems to get misgendered

It seems to be just be the case for me.

And it makes me feel so shitty…almost like my identity it too confusing and i should just stop.

I can’t help that I feel this way.

I want to be a boy but I’d never medically transition.

But I also don’t mind being a girl but only on days where dysphoria isn’t a bitch

And it’s so confusing and I hate it

It makes me feel like I’m faking it

Like I’m not actually a real trans person

[kentuckyfriedsatan]

Here is a little multi chapter fic I’m currently working on.

Basically Dewdrop is not dealing so good with the soon arrival of the new water ghoul. It brings him back to times before his transition. Will Rain and Dew ever be able to be friends, or even more?

Or

Sunshine is a total badass and has to knock sense into literally everybody.

(Dewdrop is a trans man and uses he/him pronouns. Sunshine is transfem and uses she/they pronouns.)

I’m at chapter 6 right now, so you can read it up to there on AO3:

And I will do my best to post all chapter here on tumblr too, it will take a bit of time though.

Echos of Transcendence

Chapter 1

cw: gender dysphoria and a bit of depression because of it

Read it below the cut!

He looks at his reflection in the mirror. The long white hair Dewdrop normally cherishes is unkempt and greasyly hanging into his face, desperately needing a wash.

But for a week now he hasn’t really been in the mood for that. Copia had let him know about the summoning happening today at full moon a week prior. It wasn’t just any other summoning, it’s the summoning of the new water ghoul for the band project.

Something about the idea of a new water ghoul in their quarters makes his skin crawl. It reminds him of the time Dew himself was water, oh, and also important, a water ghoulette. He doesn’t hate who he was, but he more feels completely disconnected to who he was before his transition. It’s like his life finally began for real when he told his pack that he is transgender.

Since then he made adjustments to his body, taking hormones and getting top surgery. And even though that all helped him pass, the dysphoria never really goes away.

In front of the mirror he feels like his hips are too wide, he is too short with delicate hands and thin tail and he hates it.

And now he has to see somebody every day of the week, that reminds him of a time he was completely miserable and someone he could have been. Dew knew that this day had to come, the band needs to continue and is missing a bass player, but that doesn’t stop him from sulking.

He get‘s ripped from his thoughts when he hears knocking on his door.

“Dew! We have to leave for the chapel in an hour, are you nearly ready?“ Sunshine calls.

He gives no response. Dew doesn’t want to be seen by anybody. He is ashamed that he still isn’t over this. Why does he always have to be a problem?

“If you are in there and ignoring me, I will kick your ass!”

“Just leave me alone Sunny!”

Dewdrop yells back.

But she is not so easyly dismissed and knocks again just to signal her stubbornness.

“Come on,let me in! I know it’s hard for you right now, I just want to help. I’m your friend and I care for you!”

But why is it so hard for Dew? He transitioned years ago, he should have himself in check by now and not fall into a depressive phases as soon as a new water ghoul is only mentioned.

Sunny outed herself as transfem only this year and they don’t have the same problem it seems.

She is so much stronger than him. He is just pathetic. Everybody always has to help and comfort him, and he feels like he doesn’t deserve their kindness. He’s just weak.

“I don’t want your help! I will be fine!” Dewdrop says harshly.

He always reverts back to anger when he doesn’t know how to deal with his dark thoughts. He doesn’t want Sunny’s help, he will just drag her down.

“Nope, this is not happening! You are not shutting me out like this. I will come in now!”

Sunshine pushes the door open, determined to break through Dew's isolation.

When she sees his slumped posture in front of the mirror, they rush over to him. He registers their approach, but doesn’t try to move. Shame is rolling of him in waves. Her soft voice somehow breaks through to him.

“Come on firefly, can you look at me please?”

He slowly lifts his eyes. He doesn’t know why he expected to see disgust or anger in her eyes, but there is nothing but kindness and concern.

“Listen to me right now. I know what you are thinking, you are not weak and you are not a disappointment. We all like caring for you, you are our pack, our family and we love you. There is no such thing as needing to much help Dew. When you are not okay, you are not okay. And I am here to help. You care for all of as so deeply, let us return the favour please.”

He breaks down in sobs relived, shoulders shaking. Dew really needed to hear that to break him out of his downwards spiral.

“Can you maybe hug me?”

Before he can even finish his question, Sunshine has him wrapped tightly in her arms. He snivels a bit more, while they stroke his hair calmingly. Dew slowly stops his crying.

“Here we go. Do you want to talk?”

“I just feel so stupid you know? Dysphoria hit me last week so hard I couldn’t even shower, and all just because they will summon a new water ghoul. I shouldn’t feel this way anymore, especially because of such a stupid reason!”

“Don’t invalidate your feelings like that! I know it must be hard for you to always be reminded of the time you didn’t live as your true self. I will support you, I understand you and I will be there for you if you need anything. And if the new ghoul or anybody else gives you problems we will drag them back into the pit!”

Dewdrop has to smile and nods. “Same applies for you too of course. I will fuck them up if they say transphobic shit to you.”

“I know, thank you.” She smiles. “Now what do we do about this?” Sunshine vaguely gestures at his hair and overall state. Dew lets his head hang.

“‘m sorry for you having to see me like this…” he says shyly, tears rising to his eyes.

“Oh don’t worry about that, I have seen nearly every member of the pack in states worse than yours. And do you remember when I was first summoned and was afraid of the water from the shower for a long time? I must have been disgusting, but you still helped me get over it and even washed my messy hair. So really, you don’t have to worry.”

Dew then sniffles one last time and says: “I think I’m ready to shower now.”

“That’s good Dew! Do you want me to distract you?”

They ask.

Dew is really glad Sunshine offered a distraction or he knows he would spiral again as soon as he takes off his clothes. So he nods enthusiastically.

“Yes, that would really help me a lot.”

The shower wasn’t too bad, they turned off the light and Sunny let her hands glow just enough for Dew not to fall over in the shower. When they ran out of dad jokes to tell, she started singing the ingredients of different products lying around the bathroom. She wasn’t able to pronounce most of them correctly, but it obviously made Dew laugh, so they just continued until Dew was finished.

After he was dressed in the usual black uniform, Sunny and Dew both used their element to dry his hair and he let her brush it. It definitely calmed him down.

“Are you ready?”

Sunshine asks after glancing at her watch.

“As ready as I will ever be.”

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

If you're not comfortable writing this that's completely okay

Can I request Eddie with an FTM Reader boyfriend who has really bad cramps and he's dysphoric because he's on his period, and Eddie tries his best to help?

This could go from cuddles to "sex helps with cramps right?" With a sprinkle of breeding kink?

Again if you're uncomfortable, I understand

Hi, thanks for the request and your patience. I feel really touched that you feel safe enough to come with me for this request! As a note, I am not a trans man and thus, my depiction of this event will not be fully accurate. If there is anything that I have portrayed inaccurately, please let me know and I’ll be happy to correct it and learn more. I am completing this request in the hopes to allow others to be seen and to create more space for trans people in the community. 

Disclaimer: Some of what has been portrayed in this blurb is based off the interviews and research conducted in the article, “Queering Menstruation: Trans and Non-Binary Identity and Body Politics” by Sarah Frank. I recognize one article is not enough to get a full picture of an entire community. But I hope there is something that this fic gets right for folks and that it expands this conversation even just a tiny bit. 

CW: This request does deal with periods and feelings of dysphoria. If that triggers you, please do not read. Seriously--don’t do it. There is a read more higher up than I usually do to accommodate. 

Eddie Munson x Trans!Male Reader. Reader is 20.

Send me a request here! Currently writing for Eddie Munson. I write for a variety of reader inserts (male, female, gender neutral, POC too).

Feel free to look through my masterlist here!

_____________________________________

There is a cruelty to it all--you’re sure of it. As you’re curled up under the sheets, back of your hands wiping at your cheeks, you are sure that this has to fall under the stark definition of cruel and unusual punishment. The worst part of it all is that it’s not unusual. One week out of every month--it’s supposed to be natural and yet, something about it hangs like an anvil ready to take your head. Maybe it’s the language--what you grew up around. Maybe it’s more than that, maybe it will always be more than that. But the inescapable fact of your reality is that you are here--curled up under sheets. 

To make matters worse, the cramps are horrible this time. So much so you puked at work and got sent up. It’s a reminder of a simple fact: this body isn’t really yours. Not yet anyway. This body is not doing everything you wish it wouldn’t. This body still doesn’t show who you really are. But you’re carrying it around, all 206 bones, all twenty feet of small intestines, fingers, toes, elbows, eyeballs. You’re carrying around a body that still mocks you for an entire week out of the month. Twelve weeks in a year. Much too long to suffer and too many times to feel like the butt of a cruel twisted joke. 

“Baby?”

You turn your head, pulling it up off the pillow just enough to see Eddie’s head peeking in through the door. His eyes are still big, wet, and bright even in streaks of daylight behind the partially open curtains. “Hi,” you whisper. Your voice is thick and rough--probably from the lack of water. 

“How-how can I help?”

It’s like Eddie knows. You rest your head back onto your pillows and let out a sigh. “I-” you start, and then stop hearing how your voice catches in your throat. When you blink, tears fall down your eyes, along the apple of your cheek down to your ears. “Don’t know,” you conclude.

Eddie’s careful and quiet as he approaches. The bed dips and you can hear him shucking off the layers. He doesn’t unravel you from your sheets. Instead, he curls one arm around your waist and rest his cheek against yours. There’s some scruff, no doubt from the couple of days that have lapsed since his last shave. 

The thought lights your chest on fire. It’s a soothing tactile sensation. You wish you could bury it pores of your skin. You want turn, face Eddie better and when you go to plant your feet, a sharp zing of pain runs from your spine to your stomach. The movements are paused and you bury your head in your pillow before the shaky shout climbs out of your chest. The frustration--sadness and fear intertwined as well--bubble up and out of your lips into the pillow. Eddie’s arm squeezes around your waist. “Hey,” his voice is soft against your cheek. “Hey, I got you, sweet boy. It’s okay.”

He means well. You know he does. You try to focus on the soft and steady pass of Eddie’s palm over your stomach. It’s reassuring just a little. It lets you know you’re not physically alone. 

“There’s gotta be something I can do. Tea? I think I can be trusted not to burn down a kitchen to fix some tea. Hot compress?” Eddie’s fingers find your chin, sliding up to your cheek. He wipes away some of the fresh tears that have fallen. “Please,” he whispers. 

You can’t tell if he’s pleading with you or some unfathomable force of the universe. You hope whoever is out there listens. 

“I don’t know if I can move right now,” you whisper out shakily. “I’m not even sure I’m thinking at all.”

“Greg said he had to send you home. Said you puked.”

You nod. “I did.”

“You take anything yet for the cramps?”

The words makes your skin crawl, and you try not to react physically to it. “I fell asleep once I got home. I think I got crackers and ginger ale down.”

The bed shifts again. Eddie’s warmth leaves your back and side with the shift. There’s a crinkle somewhere to the left of you. “If this is a fresh sleeve, you only got a couple down.”

“Sounds about right,” you hum. 

“Did you keep it down?”

“Yeah, I did.”

Eddie’s hair greets you before he does, some wisps of the ends falling around your nose. “You stay here. Don’t move a muscle and I’ll be back in a minute okay?”

“Okay.” That much you can do. 

You can only listen to the shuffle. The bathroom door cracks open, the medicine cabinet clicking open. There's a rattle and you're pretty positive that it’s Eddie grabbing some meds. There’s more clicking. The light from the hallway dims and then Eddie’s shadows pass along the walls. He’s further now from you, probably in the kitchen. You listen and listen and listen. 

“Can you do me a solid?” Eddie asks. 

You catch his body halfway hanging inside the room as he rests his weight against the wall and the door. “Depends.”

“Ah, there he is. But what’s your favorite mug?”

Your brows furrow at the question. “I-I don’t have a favorite mug.”

“Nonsense. You have to have that one mug or cup that if you drink something out of it it just tastes better. Now c’mon cough if up.”

You laugh--not that you really want to, but because the question is so ridiculously Eddie that you can’t help it. “Uh, there’s a mug from my trip to Arizona that I really like.”

“Got it, Arizona mug. Thank you, lovebug.” Eddie’s gone again, you watch him disappear this time. 

“Arizona mug does have a nice ring to it,” you mutter to yourself. You blink your gaze over to the alarm clock to check the time. It’s just before 4. You got sent home from work around 11 this morning. 

Eddie has a ritual--comes by your job after work and hang out until the end of your shift, usually around 4:30. You two usually head to someone’s place--his or yours. There’s some TV or a rental if you two didn’t get to it over the weekend. Usually you play a game with Eddie---he barters with you about helping with dinner and you tell him he has to complete at least two homework assignments. It always ends with you letting him do some of the prep if it’s more involved and then you taking over at the end. 

And it means today, Eddie went to your job, probably worried about the lack of your car being there and then came racing to your place once your boss let Eddie know you’d been sick at work. You hope it wasn’t too bad of a scare. There was no way for you to get the information to him while he was in school that wouldn’t cause him to skip. Maybe it’s selfish. But if you’re honest, you just couldn’t deal. You didn’t want to verbalize it. Thankfully, you hadn’t to fully. 

You’re sure after the first two waves of this, Eddie can put the pieces together. You’re grateful that he’s giving you the grace. But you know you have to push yourself up soon. It’s going to suck. You hope you don’t vomit again when you do. If only could have a body that didn’t hate you. 

You take a deep breathe--inhaling in through your nose and then pushing it all out through slightly parted lips. “Just to the bathroom. It’s okay.”

“Didn’t I tell you not to move a muscle?”

“I-it’s just I gotta go to the bathroom.”

Eddie nods, a hum leaving his throat. “Not before some meds.” You nod, taking the few pills from him and swallow it down without taking the cup of water. “Metal,” he snorts in return. 

“I try to when I can. Can you help me up please?”

“Of course, yeah.” Eddie sets the mug, denoting the stop in Phoenix, Arizona, and scoops you up from your seated position. 

“I am a full human being, you know, right? A grown man, thank you,” You huff, allowing Eddie to carry you to the bathroom. It’s a little shaky at first, but he gets you there. 

“Just because you have a tax paying job does not mean you get to boast about it.” 

“It’s not like I’m making the big bucks, or anything.”

“It’s something. A job someone has to do.”

“Riveting work it is to be a line cook,” you snort. The two of you cross the threshold into the bathroom then. Before Eddie sets you down, you bury your face in his shoulder. You want to tell yourself it’s okay. But it doesn’t feel okay. Nothing feels okay. “Just one more second.”

“Take all the seconds you need.”

You don’t need to tell Eddie that if you wait too long you’re probably bleed all over him. But you highly doubt he’d care. But it’s already awful enough dealing with the period by itself, you don’t think you’d have the mental capacity to handle ruining Eddie’s clothes and yours at the same time. 

You inhale--the musk of Eddie’s cigarettes, cheap cologne, the slight twinge of sweat from P.E. no doubt and try to still the racing thoughts. Just a few more days. But that’s just for now. Then there will be a next time. “Fuck this!” you huff.

“I’ve got something else you can fuck that’s for sure,” Eddie snorts. 

You huff a life, nothing serious, but it’s just enough. Eddie kisses your temple. You take another inhale and then nod. “I’m okay.”

It’s not without a grunt and the crack of a knee that Eddie sets you down. “Good God,” you tease. “You’re getting old.”

“Fuck off,” Eddie laughs. 

“Yeah, I’m sure you have something I can fuck.”

Eddie’s touch on your cheek is tender. “I do. I always do, but only if you want it.”

“Such a gentleman,” you coo. You mean it to come out with some bite, but it comes out gooey like melting chocolate from your throat. 

“Only when you deserve it,” Eddie snarks. “I save it for special occasions.”

“Like you don’t look at me like I’ve hung the stars when you have sex.”

“While that may be true!” Eddie huffs, cheeks turning red. “Fucking sue me for loving my boyfriend, okay? God. Now, I’m going to leave. And you only need to shout if you need me okay.”

You nod in response. “I love you too, Eds.”

Eddie’s grin lights up his whole face, like it always does. Watching him smile feels like you’re basking in a ray of the sun. It warms you top to bottom, and you’re never really able to stare him directly in the face, lest it blind you. He presses another kiss to your lips. “Now, all offers are still on the table once you’re done. I’ve read orgasms help with cramps.”

“Maybe once the meds dull some of this.”

“Sounds delicious. I await with bated breaths.” Eddie’s steps take him over the threshold, hands locked aroun the door handle. “But seriously, holler if you need me, okay?”

You nod, a soft affirmative falling from your lips. The door slips shut. You wait a beat, then two. You pop the doors to the under sink cabinet, grab what you need and then watch the door again. “Holler,” you state. Nothing louder than your usual volume and the door cracks open. 

Eddie’s face peers around the crack. “Yes, baby?”

“Just missed you,” you return. That and you’re trying to ground yourself again, remind yourself you’re on Earth. 

“Missing you too. You good?”

“Yeah, I’ll be done in a second.”

He nods, backs out of the crack and then shuts the door again. “I was thinking though, like, there’s a really cool mug in the cabinets you got. It’s a Scooby Doo mug. And I’m thinking there’s no way the Arizona mug is your favorite. I mean, Scooby Doo is right there.”

You’re still on Earth--and whatever that meant you weren’t sure. But you’re glad to be Earthside with Eddie. Poised with the pad in hand, you sigh. “Eddie, you cannot berate my mug choices while I’m sitting on the toilet. Didn’t Wayne tell you to never kick a man while he’s down?”

Eddie’s laughter floats in through the crack under the door.

[hesperantha]

Sweeter

⨳Pairing: Jimin x reader (transmasc) ⨳Genre: slice of life, smut ⨳Words: 2.7k ⨳Rating: grownups only ⨳Warnings: dysphoria, some mention of medical details, established long distance relationship, communication is not their strong suit but they’re trying, they fuck. Mention of both natal and prosthetic dicks. ⨳Summary: Change and distance are hard on your relationship. Jimin helps ease your worries when you reconnect after both. ⨳AN: thanks to @wwilloww and @chemicalpink for beta reading the mxm version and thank you to @itsallabouthedetails​ for fixing this version. I started writing this as a reader-insert, had a doubt, and changed it to Yoonmin. Here’s the original version, finished in celebration of saying farewell to my own huge knockers.

“But they’re great. Fun. Soft.”

“I don’t care, Jimin,” you say, trying to keep the sulk out of your voice. “They’re horrible. They’re everywhere, all the time, and I wish they weren’t.”

Jimin scoffs through the phone.

“Imagine this,” you try again, scrambling for a good metaphor. “Your backpack. It’s handy, right? It serves a purpose. Now imagine you can never take it off. It’s just there all the time. None of your clothes fit the way they should because there’s a giant goddamn backpack under them. It’s heavy. The straps hurt your shoulders. It bounces and slaps against you when you run. When it’s hot out, your back gets sweaty from it.”

“That’s not the same at all,” insists Jimin, clearly missing the point. 

“But it kind of is. To me, anyway.”

“You didn’t used to think so,” argues Jimin.

“False. I didn’t used to think it was acceptable to think so. But fuck that.”

“Is this about the patriarchy again?” There’s a sharp edge in Jimin’s voice, and you’re relieved he has the decency to keep his sigh to himself.

“Newsflash: everything is about the goddamn patriarchy. And also not.”

“Look. I’m not trying to change your mind.” Jimin goes a bit serious, which you hate. “Just trying to understand. Trying to wrap my mind around it.”

“I hate to say it, but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what you wrap your mind around. They’re not yours to have an opinion on and if this is a dealbreaker—”

“Of course it’s not a dealbreaker! I love you, not your specific parts.”

“Good, because it’s a done deal.” You can’t bring yourself to ask the real question: does this mean we’re done?

“You don’t need to process, do you?” Jimin asks.

“No. I know you do, though.” 

Jimin exhales heavily through the phone.

You continue. “Can I ask you a favor?”

“Of course. Always.” You know he means it. Time and time again Jimin has been there for you, emotionally if not physically, as the two of you held each other through the tempests.

You steel yourself to voice your need: “Process on your own time. Don’t ask me to do it with you. Not this time.”

“I can do that,” he promises before drawing a deep breath. “I wish I could be there. Someone needs to give you sponge baths and help change the dressings.”

“Me too. I mean—I’m honestly not worried about that stuff—I’m probably just going to be bored out of my skull. Crap. Sorry to shit on your hot nurse fantasy.”

It’s enough to pull a dry laugh out of him, so you continue, reeling it back in.

“Anyway, I have friends. And my dad’s coming for a week.”

“Not ideal,” Jimin notes. 

“No, not really,” you agree with a chuckle. “He’s just gonna talk about how it was his fault for signing me up for basketball when I was thirteen. Nevermind that my brother did ballet for all those years and is… the way he is.”

Jimin snorts. “A dudebro pussy magnet?”

“I love you. Thank you for not being a dudebro.”

When you meet him at the airport, Jimin is wearing a backpack, slouching under its weight. 

“I got you a watermelon,” he says, letting one of the straps slip off his shoulder and shrugging it down his arm to hand it off.

“I can’t,” you say, the words strange and unnatural on your tongue. “Not yet. Another week. I’ll wheel your suitcase, but you’re going to have to carry it for me. At least I got cleared to take a bath. Fucking finally.”

Jimin tugs the strap back up, rolls his shoulders, and stands taller. 

He hasn’t looked down yet. He hasn’t seen your shirt lying flat against your sternum, buttons in no danger of flying off. It’s Jimin’s shirt, one you used to wear open because you loved it and that was the only way it would fit. He used to call you cute when you wore it styled with a little knot at the bottom just above the waistband of your cut-off shorts. Then he called you a lumberjack when you tucked it into baggy carpenter jeans, hiding your body from yourself. You had snapped at him, then, unprepared to make a statement but unable to hold it back any longer.

“Good thing I like lumberjacks.”

That was all he’d said, but he’d quietly removed the high heels from your closet and replaced them with a pair of Air Jordans. He’d had a coffee mug with your new name mailed to you while he was in Nairobi.

Now he’s steps ahead, backpack full of watermelon hanging heavy from his shoulders while you walk behind, relieved that his flight landed on time but unsure of how things will land between the two of you.

In the garage, you wheel Jimin’s suitcase to his trunk and he slides in to lift it without saying a word, then goes to the driver’s side.

“Are you okay?” you ask as you get into the passenger side and buckle up. “How was the flight? Have you eaten already?”

Jimin is chewing his lip and looking ahead before he eventually says “You know, I thought you’d be different now.”

“How so?”

“I don’t really know how to explain it. I got used to you being you-shaped. And thought you’d be less you-shaped, but instead you’re more you-shaped and—oh god—I was not prepared for how hot you’d be. Not that you weren’t before. But now, now, it’s like looking into the sun.”

You adjust the seatbelt. The last time you rode passenger in your own car, the seatbelt was still wedged between your breasts, impossible to ignore. Now it’s an entirely different kind of distracting, lying gloriously flat across your shirt and the surgical binder underneath it. When you sneak a glance at Jimin, his smile is so broad you wonder how he’ll see the road.

You look out the passenger window, past the pillars of the garage as they go by, out over the city. When the car turns into the enclosed and darkened ramp and the outside goes black, you catch your reflection smiling back at you. 

At your apartment, Jimin unpacks. Neatly folded dirty clothes get tossed in the wash, a new book is added to the shelf, and then finally, finally, he dares to take you in his arms.

You lean against him, awkwardly turned to the side so your shoulder bumps against his chest. He’s being so gentle—uncharacteristically so—and you don’t know how to tell him that it isn’t what you want. You’re just weighing the pros and cons of playfully slapping his ass to end the hug when he takes a step back. 

“I think this is a good fit,” he announces, holding you at arm’s length. 

There’s a lump in your throat that you will away. You’d told yourself that it wouldn’t matter, that no one’s opinion mattered except your own, but now that Jimin is here with you, you find yourself wanting reassurance again that nothing has truly changed. 

The silence stretches on too long. Becomes awkward. 

“Watermelon?” you suggest. 

“Watermelon,” Jimin agrees, and you follow him to the kitchen and watch him butcher it, wedging the chef's knife in along the equator and splitting the melon into hemispheres. He stands each one upright, red flesh against the white cutting board, and splits them again, standing on his toes for the added power of an extra inch. You watch as the juices run out, red rivulets flooding the white field.

Jimin turns it, slices wedges, pares away the rind, exposing the soft, bright flesh inside. The knife slips easily now, dividing each part into cubes.

“Put the knife down,” you say, finding that soft, commanding tone that makes Jimin go a bit weak in the knees. He lays it to the side, blade facing away.

“Are you okay?” he asks. Are you ready, he means.

You pick up one of the cubes of melon, juices running down your fingers, and bring it to Jimin’s mouth.

“You try it first.”

He takes it from you, soft lips warm against your fingertips. There's a spot of juice at the corner of his mouth that threatens to spill over when he swallows. You wipe it away, then trace along his lower lip. His lips part softly, and you slip two fingers in.

His mouth is wet from the melon, and you know it would be delicious. Jimin closes his lips around the fingers in his mouth, drawing them in so they press against his tongue as his eyes flutter closed.

“God, I love you like this,” you say. Confirming. Just because it has to be said. “You’re so sweet. So pretty.”

Jimin drops to his knees on the kitchen floor, head bowed. Your fingers slip from his mouth, but linger—resting on his lower lip. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you,” Jimin whispers. 

“Don’t bring ‘sorry’ into it now. You’re here. Right where I need you.”

His tongue darts out to wet his lip, grazing your fingertip. Electric. 

“Where you need me,” echoes Jimin. “You need me?”

“Of course I do.”

“But you said —”

“This. This is how I need you.” He’s so close you can feel Jimin’s breath ghosting against the sensitive skin of your inner thigh through your jeans.

“Open,” you tell him. Jimin obediently does, and you rest another cube of melon on his tongue, pink on pink, wet. “My sweet boy,“ you coo.

Jimin reaches to place a hand on your hip, catching the fabric of your shirt on his thumb so he can slide it up. “Nice shirt,” he murmurs, leaning in to kiss the sliver of skin above your waistband. “Is this yours now?”

“I think we both know it’s always been mine.”

Jimin eases the shirt up further, exposing more of your belly. He kneels upright, nose brushing your navel. He feels you stiffen as his hand skims further up your side.

“Shhhh,” soothes Jimin. “It’s ok. I know it’s not—”

“It’s not that,” you counter. “It’s me. I’m not ready.”

Jimin redirects, kissing the tender place just above the button of your jeans. “Is this better?” he asks. 

You nod, swallowing down the lump in your throat again.

Jimin’s deft fingers unbutton your jeans, tugging them down. His tongue follows close behind, darting out to lick the soft fuzz on your belly. Waiting for a reaction, needing confirmation that this is right.

“Talk to me,” Jimin begs. “Say something. Please.”

“Never needed to say anything before,” you remind him. The edge of need in your voice belies the unaffected, gruff tone you try to take on. You look away, watching juice from the melon drip off the cutting board and pool on the countertop. “I missed your pretty mouth,” you say softly. 

“Keep going,” urges Jimin, tugging your boxers down over your hips and slowly exposing the thatch of hair at the apex of your thighs. 

“Missed your pretty mouth and your pretty dick. Spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to do with both of them.”

“Yeah?”

You choke back a smirk. Jimin’s distracting you on purpose, making sure that you don’t spiral into that void of self-conscious, helpless darkness that sometimes overtakes you in these intimate moments. It’s working. “Wanna know what I did when I was thinking about your mouth?”

“Of course.” Jimin sinks lower on his knees, kissing his way slowly around to the inside of your thigh, silently guiding your legs apart.

“I got myself off about a hundred times thinking about it. Didn’t have much else to do, so I took my time. Edged myself until I couldn’t take it, then let myself come thinking about making you swallow my load.”

Jimin’s groan isn’t for show.

“I’m going to fuck your pretty mouth now,” you tell him, steadying yourself with a hand on his shoulder. 

Jimin slicks his lips before parting them slightly, glancing up to make sure you’re watching. 

Your dick is much less than a mouthful, poking out hard and wet between your lips, flushed dark. Jimin loves to tease it, to take his time until you’re begging and whimpering, and you hope he knows this isn’t the time for teasing. 

The noise he makes as he slurps around it is obscene. One last glance upward and he begins to work his tongue in slow circles. He’ll know when—

“Suck it.”

—when to let you take charge, grabbing onto a fistful of his hair, ignoring the grit from another city, another time zone, pulling him in close until his nose is pressed hard against your pubic bone. You hold him there while he sucks hard, letting you rock against him as you chase your release. 

Jimin’s known for years that you’re usually quiet during sex, never one to talk unless he explicitly asks you to, and then rarely more than a handful of words. He’s learned to watch for other cues: the way you sway to keep your knees from buckling, the clench and release of your fingers, the way you breathe hard through your nose, teeth gritted to cut off any involuntary noises you might make. Now Jimin dares himself to pull a sound out of you, to coax a moan, a murmured obscenity, maybe even—if the stars align—a shout of pleasure, joyful and unrestrained. 

His hands grip the soft flesh of your ass as the hard floor bites at his knees. He feels himself drifting away, untethered and free as you use his mouth. Almost too lost in his own pleasure bubbling up, he knows that he needs to stay present, to be there for you the way he can, now, to show you that nothing has really changed.

Once again he looks up, watching you biting down hard on your lower lip, eyes unfocused and far away. Jimin realizes what a miracle it is to finally get this view—unobstructed, beautiful and sharp—he sucks loosely at your dick, tonguing the tip, bobbing his head and hoping you’ll look down and watch him.

You do, eventually, hazy eyes snapping into focus as the fingers in Jimin’s hair clench, pulling tight. 

Your voice comes out hoarse: “I love you. You know that, right? I’m always afraid to say it when you’re like this—don’t want you to think I just love it that you’re willing to suck me off—but you—really, you.” The words slip away as a drop of sweat rolls down your neck, rushing toward the collar of your shirt—Jimin’s shirt—the shared shirt. 

You’re thrusting into his face now, short strokes that smash Jimin’s nose relentlessly against hard bone and soft hair. Finally your body stiffens and stills, your pulsing dick pressed to his tongue as you let out a low groan of satisfaction and relief. 

Jimin sits back on his heels and wipes his mouth as you stagger backwards toward the counter, planting the heel of your hand in the pool of watermelon juice as you catch yourself. 

“Fuck,” you swear, encompassing the sticky hand, the orgasm, the sight of Jimin’s wild hair, and—most of all—the exhaustion that you aren’t quite able to put into words.

“We could do that too,” hints Jimin. 

“I’m old. Gimme a minute.” You pull your jeans back up, to Jimin’s complete dismay.

“Is Ultron charged?”

You look away, biting hard on the inside of your cheek to try to keep your laughter in. “You didn’t see me for weeks, missed the opportunity to nurse me through major surgery, and your first thought is to hop on my bionic dick?”

“Pretty much. Still love me?” Jimin bats his eyelashes ridiculously.

“Shit. I said that out loud, didn't I? Can we not make it a thing that I said it while you were—um…”

“I love you too. Want me to lick that off your hand?”

“No, but I wouldn’t turn down a bath. Just pretend not to look at me or something.”

In the deep, hot tub, you pull Jimin against you, curved spine against flat chest. Closer than you’ve ever been. 

tagging: @diverseinsertknet​