#i don’t like what i was doing to make them less boring but i have better ideas now
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cozy. n.jm
⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ childhood bff!jaemin, snowboarding au, fwb, sfw
synopsis. you and jaemin have been inseparable since you were children. when you and a few of your friends go on your annual mountain ski trip, the air grows tense when they find out that you and jaemin have been sleeping together. so what happens when an overnight snowstorm extends your trip, bringing a sudden change of plans and a very unlikely guest to your vacation: jaemins crush. will your friendship survive within the cold presence of snow or will it melt away once the sun rises.
wc: 6.8k
warnings. implied sex, suggestive, language, jaemin sucks, miscommunication (sorry), yn is wayy too nice in this
notes — ty to the anon who gave me this idea hehe i immeeediately thought of jaemin so i had to write it. i hope u enjoy this it was fun to write (also ended up being way longer than i expected butttt oh well)
the trip started 4 days ago.
you always loved your winter ski trips. you loved the way the snow glistened under the sun, illuminating the sky line in a crisp peach orange. you loved the way you could become carefree, no worries of college or having to pick up extra shifts at the cafe. it was always perfect, a spirited culmination of a frosty vacation.
like usual, you unpacked at lightning speed, occupying the room directly between jaemin and jisung and opposite chenle. as kids, you and mark used to argue over who got the room that you stay in, it being the only room in the cabin with a double bed, but after many years of relentless fighting, you always managed to beat him.
the five of you have been friends since before you could remember, constant pranks and silliness as kids soon became reliability and comfort as you grow into your late teens. but now that you all attend college together, you’re closer than ever.
admittedly, you’ve always been closer to jaemin than the rest, your childhood homes being next to each other, serving as a reason for you to play out in the street each evening after school. even as you entered high school and eventually college, you stayed close, despite jaemin’s tendencies to sleep around with girls and eventually ghost them soon after.
you would be mad at jaemin’s exploits, but you can’t exactly say that being mad at someone’s past actions is entirely justifiable, especially since his playboy behaviour has recently become less frequent.
the air in the cabin is surprisingly warm, a crisp layer of frost encasing the windows and blocking the breeze of snow as it falls upon the mountain that the cabin rests between. the sky, once blue, is now an iridescent hue of orange, reflecting off the snow on the ground and pulsing through the window and onto the wooden walls around you, making them glow. it is an utterly beautiful place, and you thank chenle’s parents for letting you stay here each winter unsupervised.
as you walk through the walkway and into the main room, you spot chenle upon the sofa, browsing the old vintage tv for any channels that don’t bore him profusely. mark and jaemin are playing a game of chess on the floor, resting themselves upon fluffy white cushions and muttering snarky comments to each other under their breaths. noticing your presence, chenle clears his throat, causing mark to look up at you, and eventually, jaemin to spin his body round in your direction.
“i’m bored.” you say, “that tv looks way too old to function and i don’t know how to play chess.”
chenle speaks first, “well, i mean, maybe if you actually spend some time with us, you might have some fun.”
“sounds like a blast.” you say sarcastically, “i just think we should go out and do something in the snow instead of just being all cooped up in here for the third day in a row.”
“it’s too cold.” jaemin utters, “usually it’s not this bad.”
“and? just put on an extra layer.” you reply, looking to mark for help.
sighing, mark speaks up to agree with you, and with his help, you eventually manage to convince chenle and jaemin to go and wake up jisung, before layering up and grabbing your snowboards from the shed behind the cabin.
as you all walk across the mountain to the ski area, occasionally partaking in a small snowball fight on the way, you hurl yourselves onto the ski lifts.
you sit in between jaemin and mark, ignoring mark’s teasing as you struggle to get yourself seated.
once the lift begins to climb, you feel an immediate sense of calm. you’ve always enjoyed these trips, a moment of relaxation away from home, all with your favourite people. it is true that you wish you could bring your girl friends along, but they all hate the boys with a passion for multiple, various (and valid) reasons, and so, with their permission, you go without them.
lost in your own thoughts, you don’t notice as you suddenly begin to slip from the ski lift, the bar doing absolutely nothing to keep you in place.
“yn?”, you hear jaemin’s voice beside you, a weird sense of distress lining his voice as he quickly grabs a hold of your arm, attempting to lift you back onto the seat.
but it’s no use, the snowboard beneath you weighs you down and you slip from his grasp.
“mark, she’s slipping.” jaemin urges the other boy beside you.
“shit.”
they both try to bring you up, but as you get higher and higher to the top of the slope, the ground begins to find your feet, pulling you down with it.
you stumble before landing upside down into the snow, luckily not sliding anywhere, but unfortunately feeling a sudden frosty chill as piles and piles of snow seep into your clothing and down your back.
noticing your discomfort, jaemin bends down, lifting your face to his and, with a gentle smile, he brushes your snow-covered hair from your face.
“it’s… everywhere.” you shiver.
“everywhere?” jaemin asks.
you roll your eyes. “not the time for jokes.”
it takes you a while to notice mark standing behind jaemin, but when you do, you tell them both to continue on without you and that you’ll find your own way back to the cabin to change your clothes.
nodding after making sure that you’re okay, mark leaves to snowboard down the slope, leaving you and jaemin as you sit, still shaking, covered in ice and snow.
“i’m gonna-“ you say, getting up.
jaemin interrupts. “let me help you.”
“i don’t need help.” you reply.
there is a moment of silence before jaemin speaks again, as if he is choosing his words carefully.
“i know a better way to warm you up.”
your face lines in an expression of shock.
“we promised we wouldn’t do it here.” you say, “what if one of the others see something?”
“they won’t.” he smiles at you before pointing in the direction of the others, all enjoying themselves drifting down the snow, swerving in all kinds of directions.
it doesn’t take much for you to give in. so when you get back to the cabin, eventually changing into some fresh clothes that will eventually be pointless, jaemin turns out to be right.
he does know a way to warm you up.
his request didn’t surprise you, and you’re unsure if the others finding out that you and jaemin have been secretly hooking up for the past year is an all too bad thing. but at the thought of them having a little bit too much fun potentially teasing you both, you decided to keep it on the down-low.
it was never supposed to happen; you and jaemin are best friends. but after jaemin’s vow to stop playing with girls’ hearts and your fresh break up with your ex, you both decided that the logical thing to do is to use each other when you need it. it was simple.
over the past year, you have established 3 main rules for your ‘friends with benefits’ situation. number 1: you and jaemin can both sleep with other people if you so wish, number 2: no feelings are involved, if one person begins to feel anything for the other, then you must break it off. (this one isn’t and never will be a problem for you two, but you need to add it there anyway; you’ve heard the stories about jaemin the ‘serial heartbreaker’, and you definitely don’t want to be a victim of that) and number 3: no sleeping together during the winter ski trip. right now, you are breaking a rule, and neither you, nor jaemin, seem to care. it does scare you a little, however, considering how easily jaemin was willing to break it, and it has you wondering how strong the other rules even are.
after cleaning yourself up, you make your way to the kitchen to make yourself and jaemin a hot chocolate, sprinkling far too much powdered chocolate on the whipped cream and having to clear up all your mess soon after. jaemin follows you into the kitchen, pulling his shirt back over his head.
“can i ask you something?” jaemin says, reaching his arm past you to scoop his finger into the whipped cream and swiping it onto your nose. you push him away, watching as he giggles at you frantically wiping the cream off your nose in annoyance.
“sure.” you reply, and he leans on the counter beside you.
“when was the last time you slept with someone else?”
if you say the question doesn’t surprise you, you’d be lying. jaemin knows you can sleep with other people, it’s part of your rules. so why do you feel as though you’re in trouble?
“last saturday. that party on joomi’s street. eric sohn.”
jaemin’s face is unreadable. you continue, “if you’re worried you have competition, i wouldn’t worry. it was just one night.” you laugh.
“oh, i’m not worried.” he replies, “especially after the way you were saying my name back in there.”
his head tilts to the side to point in the direction of your room and you look over on instinct, memories of the past 30 minutes flashing in your mind and causing you to forget what you were even about to say.
but when you look over to the doorway, something else catches your attention.
or someone else.
standing at the front door, snowboard in hand and ski mask pulled down to his chin, stands a mortified, and astonished mark lee.
you freeze up, and no longer from the cold chill of snow.
he has heard everything.
you’re completely fucked.
❆ ❆ ❆
pacing around the kitchen and watching as mark looks between you both, you begin to attempt to redeem yourself.
“look, mark, that wasn’t what it sounded like, me and jaemin would never.”
mark looks at you, skeptical, before turning his attention to jaemin, who stands in the back corner of the kitchen, leaning against a wall with his arms crossed as if none of this is bothering him.
mark looks back at you. “yoooo, i mean, i guess i always knew there was something off about you guys.”
you rush towards him, clutching his shoulders. “i promise you, mark, it’s not like that-”
“we’re fucking.” jaemin finally speaks, and yours and mark’s heads both whip towards him in shock. jaemin shrugs, as if it isn’t a big deal.
“jaemin.” you say sternly, “what are you doin-”
“what? he caught us, there’s no point in denying it.”
“this is unbelievable.” mark chuckles, “i gotta go tell the others.”
“no you don’t.” you say, grabbing a hold of his arm.
he rolls his eyes. “alright, but at least give me details, man. how long? when did it start? why?”
you look to jaemin, not wanting to answer for yourself.
“about a year,” he says, “and why not?”
“why not?!” mark exclaims in disbelief, “i don’t know, maybe the fact that you’re best friends? what if you end up catching-”
“not gonna happen.” says jaemin, “we dont see eachother like that, never will.”
mark only continues to laugh, “this is nuts. you guys haven’t been doing it all weekend, have you? i don’t think i wanna hear it if you guys end up getting busy while we’re all meant to be asleep.”
“nope,” you reply. “this is the first and only time we’ve done it here. we sort of made it a rule so that this wouldn’t happen.”
before you can finish your conversation, chenle walks through the door. “so what wouldn’t happen?” he says, scanning his eyes between yours and jaemin’s lack of outdoor wear compared to mark’s.
“nothing.” you reply.
“nothing?” he asks, studying mark and jaemin’s expressions.
there is a second where no one speaks, but that seems to be enough for chenle, because the next thing he says is: “you guys fucked, didn’t you?”
mark can’t keep in his smile as he tries not to laugh and give it away, but jaemin’s stern expression speaks volumes.
chenle shrugs before taking off his coat and making his way to the fridge, “ehh, was sort of obvious anyways.”
“what?” you exclaim, “how?”
his eyebrow raises as he takes a bite of the donut he had taken out its packet, “jaemin swearing off girls the same time as you breaking up with your ex, you constantly ditching our movie nights to ‘hang out with your cat,’ and jaemin suddenly changing from being an insufferable prick to actually being half nice.” jaemin lets out a laugh at the last comment. “i have more if you want me to continu-“
“thats okay, no thank you,” you speak up, “first of all, jaemin is still an insufferable prick.”
“thanks.” jaemin butts in.
“no problem.” you turn your head to him quickly before you continue, causing the others to laugh. “and secondly, i do actually go to hang out with my cat. i love her.” you say, offended.
“whatever.” chenle replies, a judging expression on his face.
they both took the news a lot better than you thought, so you decide to let them tell jisung, who is undoubtedly the most surprised at the revelation. but jaemin’s silence throughout the whole conversation annoys you. you don’t understand why he was being so quiet about it. but when you hear mark and jaemin whispering amongst themselves while you were meant to be in the shower, your confusion peaked.
“this isn’t like you, man.” it sounded like mark’s voice.
“i know.” jaemin replied.
that’s all you heard.
for the rest of the night, you all wrap yourselves in blankets on the sofa to watch some movie that jisung wanted to watch, the fireplace emitting a radial heat and deep hue of ember, softening you into a state of tiredness, drifting off as your head rests on the hard sofa next to you.
it’s only after you wake up that you realize it is certainly not the sofa that you were lying against, but instead, jaemin’s shoulder.
you hear the melodic birdsong as it fills the air outside, the white of snow lighting up the room. or is it chenle’s hideous singing in the shower that you hear? it’s hard to tell.
breaking yourself from jaemins sleeping grasp, you get up to look out the window. you’re meant to go home today, this is supposed to be your final morning of the trip.
but as you peek your vision out the window, around 3 feet of snow covers the floor all around the cabin, the four wheels of marks camper van not even visible.
“uhm, guys..” you call out, grabbing the attention of a freshly showered chenle, a mid breakfast-making mark, a book occupied jisung and a half asleep jaemin. they all stop their various activities at the urgency in your voice, coming over to you and looking out the window for themselves.
it takes each of them about 5 minutes to process what this means; your trip is going to be extended. you are trapped.
and you may be trapped but yours and jaemins secret is very much free.
it finally hits 3pm and you realise that you have all spent the entire day enveloped in boredom, watching as the snow falls and continues to form on the ground. there is no way all this snow will clear in just a few days.
you are lucky that chenle had brought nearly double the amount of food that you needed originally, meaning all you had to do now was to sit and wait it out.
lounging on the sofa, you listen to the smooth rhythm of chenles jazz vinyl playing on loop across the room. you’re bored, and you can’t even go outside. you can tell the others are bored too, that same expression of ‘i just want to go home now.’ plastered on all of their faces.
but their expressions quickly flip when a knock rattles from the front door.
you all look at each other in question before collectively jumping up in sync, running at inhuman speeds to the door. you were about to be saved, removed from the shackles of dullness and provided passage back home.
being the first to get to the door, you grab a hold of the handle, struggling in attempts to only slightly crack it open to keep the snow outside.
but when you open the door and poke your head through the crack, you’re met with a very familiar face.
hayun. also known as, jaemins long-time ‘secret’ infatuation: his crush.
your mind shatters in disbelief as you pull the door fully open to let the other guys see who it is, no longer caring about the snow as it comes piling in.
all because the look on jaemins face is priceless.
the others all look to him to see what he’s going to say, and unsurprisingly, all he has to say is ‘hi.’ you wouldn’t expect more from him, he’s never spoken a word that exceeds a greeting to her before.
following jaemins poor attempt at an introduction, you take over.
“what are you doing here? are you okay?” you ask, genuine concern for the girl lining your voice.
“well, i was here on a ski trip with my friends but, they all abandoned me.”
“what?” you ask.
“and i remembered seeing a few of your guys’ instagram posts saying you were here so… i thought i’d knock.”
“wow.” mark says, “your friends suck.”
“i know. so, any chance i can stay here? i would go home but the weather isn’t exactly drivable.”
you turn to the rest of your group, concluding the pity in their faces before turning back to hayun. “of course! we don’t have a spare room and the sofa gets cold at night but i have a double bed if you don’t mind sharing.”
“thank you so much!” she grins before stepping inside and pulling you in for a hug. you cringe as you come into contact with the cold casing of her coat, the ice cool against your skin as you try not to push her off of you.
in all honesty, you feel bad for her and you know that jaemin is about to get relentlessly bullied by the rest of the group. this was about to make your extended trip a whole lot more interesting.
it hasn’t been a long time since he developed a crush on hayun, spotting her across the other side of his lecture hall. he always gives you some excuse as to why he’s somehow never gotten a chance to speak to her, so you presume that he’s happy that he finally has. either that or completely terrified. either way, you’re happy for him.
yes, you are. you’re happy for him.
❆ ❆ ❆
a few hours pass as you show hayun around the cabin, making space for her things in your room. letting her unpack, you make your way to the front room, finding jaemin and mark on the sofa, seemingly midway through a conversation.
“oh, don’t let me stop you.” you say, urging them to continue their talk after they cease talking at your arrival.
mark turns back to jaemin. “i think you should go for it, dude, what harm could come out of it, huh?” he says.
you’re curious, “you’re gonna ask her out?” you say to jaemin.
he smirks, “maybe, maybe not.”
somehow, something in your heart doesn’t like the idea of jaemin asking out hayun. you’re not sure if it’s the idea of you and him ending this whole ‘friends with benefits’ situation, or the fact that you’re probably going to have to step back from being his best friend, because, let’s face it, there’s no way she would ever let you stay as close as you now are if they got together.
you slap the idea out of your head; he hasn’t even asked her out yet.
mark notices the internal battle you have with yourself. “something wrong with that, yn?”
if jaemin wasn’t here right now, blocking you from mark by sitting in between you, you one hundred percent would have punched him at that.
jaemin looks over to you, a questioning expression on his face.
“uh.. no…” you reply, apprehensive.
“oh come on, i saw the face you just made. you’re jealous that he’s gonna be fucking someone else, aren’t you?” mark continues.
you don’t know what to say, caught off guard by the truth in marks words and the cold presence of jaemins gaze on you.
“im not jel- “ you begin, but jaemin interrupts you.
“yn.” he says. it’s just your name but it holds so much meaning. “am i not allowed to have a girlfriend?”
“‘course you can.” you reply, shrugging.
mark raises his eyebrow at you and you seriously consider getting up and kicking him.
jaemin continues, “good. it's decided then. i'm gonna ask her out.”
mark pats him on the back, laughing, “good luck, dude.”
you smile in acknowledgement as jaemin thanks mark before chenle comes in, completely changing the subject when he starts complaining about hayun’s infiltration of his ‘well organised fridge.’
you zone out their conversation to reassure yourself that you truly don't care that jaemin was going to try to get close to hayun, but you can't help but feel like you're about to be replaced. you always knew it was going to happen, that one day jaemin would want to settle down with a girl. but you're just so used to his playboy personality that you just never expected it to be so soon.
amongst the endless drill of chatter, you feel a sudden glance in your direction, and as you look up, jaemins eyes suddenly divert away from you, as if he got caught looking. you want to ask him what he wants, but the silence in his demeanour tells you that you shouldn't. it's bittersweet; the end of his situation with you, marks the start of one with hayun. its a trade in which you don't want to be part of, but you fear you have no choice – only time can decide.
the rest of the day went by quickly. maybe it was because of your new addition to the vacation or simply because chenle found a cupboard full of dusty boardgames that you decided to occupy yourselves with. naturally, it was you and mark that beat everyone else at your very long, grueling game of monopoly, but that quickly flipped to jisung when you took your turns at scrabble.
the entire time, you and mark teased jaemin relentlessly, catching glimpses as he (unwilling) took his seat next to hayun, pushed there by chenle and jisung and ending up on her team. you could tell that he was getting annoyed at you both giggling at him, but you didn't care; it only made the entire thing so much more fun.
by the end of the night, it was time to sleep, so you and hayun took your rightful sides of the bed. it isn't the best sleeping situation, but you’d much rather sleep beside her than have to experience mark’s sweaty feet ever again. (that experience was not one that you want to remember.)
before you can switch the light off, though, you hear hayun sit up.
“wait, yn, before we sleep…” she says, and you look at her expectantly, “can i ask you something?”
“sure.” you reply.
she looks down, fiddling with her fingers. “Its jaemin. is he.. single?”
as if you hadn't heard her, you take a pause, processing her question.
“yeah.” you let a laugh slip, “why? you like him?”
at your question, she giggles and her voice makes you cringe a little.
“yes. a lot actually, it's sort of the reason why im here..”
you furrow your brow. “what do you mean?”
she takes a deep breath. “my friends never kicked me out.. i just saw that you guys were also here and, well, i thought it'd be a chance for me to get to know him.”
it's as if your ears are deceiving you, the late night tiredness of the conversation urging you to hallucinate. but it's all real, every last word of it.
“wait, so, you lied?.. to get us to let you stay?”
she nods, and you don't know if you should pity her or hate her guts.
because you know what it's like to be in love; you know what it's like to like someone so much to the point where you allow yourself to do stupid things. you understand.
but that doesnt mean that you like her for it.
“i know you probably think i'm a horrible person.” she says.
“no.. no, not at all.” you reply, and she smiles at your words.
“thanks yn.”
you laugh back, “so, jaemin huh?”
she looks back down at her fingers, “yeah.. embarrassing right?”
you smile, not just to her, but to yourself.
“totally.”
❆ ❆ ❆
all night, you debate with yourself over what hayun had told you. on one hand, you can't agree with what she did: lying like that. but her crush on him means that jaemin would be happy, and as his best friend, you can't take that away from him. therefore, amongst your deep pool of thought, her confession swimming in the depths of your mind, you decide that the best thing for you to do, is to hold off telling him that she lied; not only would it ruin their chances of getting together, but therefore, jaemin would only be upset that he never got the chance.
but just because you can't tell jaemin, doesn't mean you can't tell mark.
“i really don't know what to think about her.” you say, standing in the kitchen over three pans of eggs. mark had asked you to have the task of cooking them, resorting to focus on the rest of the group's breakfast. you know it's because he can't cook eggs to save his life, but he'll never admit that.
“honestly,” he replies, “who cares if she likes jaemin? she’s a sneaky little liar.”
you laugh, “i don't know, mark. maybe she's just really in love with him.”
“i’m not so sure about that. how could anyone ever be in love with someone who wears a hoodie saying ‘orgasm donor’ in public.”
you roll your eyes and mark continues, “well, i guess we all know who he's donating to now..”
you slap him around the arm, causing him to cackle at your rash response.
“anyways,’ he continues, “i wont tell jaemin about it if you don't want me to.”
you nod, “thanks, mark. oh, and you're burning the bacon by the way.”
“oh shit.”
❆ ❆ ❆
deciding that the weather still wasnt good enough to attempt to make the journey home, you all decided to stay another day. although the day was full of indiscriminate party games and full fledged boredom, you somehow managed to make it through to nightfall.
you’re nearly drifting off to sleep when you hear a tap at the door of your’s and hayun’s room. turning over to see hayun fast asleep, you get up to see who’s there, wondering what idiot buffoon decided to wake you up at 4 o’clock in the morning.
by means of absolutely no surprise, it’s a disheveled jaemin, hair sticking up in about seven different directions and a crumpled tshirt that rises ever so slightly above his pyjama pants waistline, exposing skin that you do not have the energy to be fawning over. although, that’s exactly what you’re doing.
assuming that he’s here to finally break the news to hayun in some twisted, sensual late night confession, you turn your back to jaemin to call her name. in noticing what you’re about to do, jaemin reaches an arm around your waist, pulling you close enough to him that the palm of his other hand can cover your mouth.
“will you shut up?” you don't need to see his face to know he's rolling his eyes, “this isn't exactly something i want her to see.”
oh.
he lets go of you, spinning you round to face him by your shoulders. he’s done this before: knocking on your door in the dead of night when he needs you. but you never expected him to do it here. not after your conversation with mark a few days ago, and certainly not whilst his crush was staying in your room. it all seems so bizarre.
but you weren't going to say no.
❆ ❆ ❆
the next morning, you realise that you had completely and utterly fucked up.
the warmth of jaemin next to you remains, his arm slung lazily over the front of your stomach. you expect to open your eyes to jaemins ceiling back at home, but to much avail, you are very much still on vacation.
and you had four pairs of eyes staring down on you both to prove that.
you jump out of jaemin’s hold immediately, causing him to slowly stir before mumbling something incoherent into the sheets. when he finally realises the situation you’re in, he takes the pillow beside his head, pushing it into his face.
“you promised you wouldn't do it here, man.” mark starts. but your focus isn't on him, it's on hayun.
and she's livid.
you turn the attention of your words to her. “im sorry. i should have told you.”
jaemin finally gets up, picking up his discarded shirt off the ground and pulling it over his head before sitting back on the end of the bed.
hayun eyes him for any form of an apologetic sense, but he gives off nothing, and you fear this only makes her angrier.
your fear is proven correct when she suddenly snaps at you, “you knew i liked him and you still went and did this behind my back?”
at her words, the mood in the room suddenly shifts. what was an atmosphere of laughter and mischief at them catching you and jaemin together, is now suddenly a room of tension, a room that you no longer want to be in.
but it's jaemins reaction that formulates the world's most unfortunate predicament.
his head turns to you, a look of disappointment and what seems to be hurt, plastered on his face. “she likes me? and you hid it from me?”
you don't know what else to say, so you just tell him the truth. “yes, but it's not that simpl-”
“i don't care, yn.” he gets up, pushing past chenle to the bathroom before shutting the door behind him.
fuck. you’ve messed up.
but one thing is nagging at you: jaemin seems to care far more about the fact that you hid the truth from him than what the truth actually entailed. you tell yourself he’s probably just embarrassed. either that or just completely and utterly in denial about it. either way, he’s acting strange; he should be happy, not angry.
the entire day, jaemin didn’t utter a single word to you. as for hayun, she had been hidden away in your room, not speaking to a single person and avoiding any opportunity to accidentally bump into you. you did feel bad, you should have told her about it the second that she confessed her feelings for jaemin to you. but you had assumed from jaemin’s previous conversation with you, that you were calling it off, jaemin seeming pretty aware about the fact that she was now here. how were you supposed to predict him rocking up to your room at 4am?
anyhow, you spent the day with mark, discussing the ending of titanic and eating way too much chocolate to be healthy. when night came once more, you decided that it probably wasn't the best idea to go back to your room, scared about facing the wrath of the girl who resided in it. instead, after washing up in the bathroom, you make your way to the sofa in the front room.
your actions are halted when you hear voices coming from the other side of jaemin’s door. you know you shouldn't eavesdrop on a private conversation, but you can’t help yourself.
you register the second voice as mark as you get close enough to hear them clearer, just enough until you can hear what they're saying.
your heart hurts in your chest when you do.
“i'm still going to ask her out, even with things the way they are.” you hear jaemin whisper.
it's like a sudden shot to the chest. this is exactly what you feared from the very beginning, this is exactly what you trusted jaemin enough not to do.
he’s choosing her over his best friend; he’s choosing her over you.
trying to remain as quiet as possible, you continue your journey to the sofa, pain causing you to wince with every footstep – he's leaving you behind.
as you lie on the sofa, the chill air of the cabin surrounding you despite the presence of the fireplace, forcing you to wrap the blanket around you tighter, you struggle to bring yourself to sleep. but when you hear footsteps from the kitchen, you peek your head over the back of the sofa to see who’s there.
at your movement, the culprit looks up from their snack-making and their eyes meet yours.
“jaemin?” you whisper, “why are you awake?”
“hungry.” he turns back, working on spreading the peanut butter onto his bagel. “what are you doing sleeping out here? it's way too cold.”
you stand up, making your way to the kitchen to stand behind him, blanket wrapped around your shoulders as you shiver from the frost. “i don’t think hayun likes me right now.” you say.
jaemin turns to face you, biting into his bagel. “i wonder why.” he says sarcastically, mouth half-full. you hate to admit it, but he looks incredibly alluring, he always does in the middle of the night.
you hate the fact that he’s acting this way with you, dismissive and persistent, but he has every right, you hid so much from him, and you hurt him in the process.
you’re at war with yourself, but in all honesty you know that you were in the wrong; for your friendship to work, you need to tell him everything. everything.
“actually,” you start, taking a deep breath, “there’s something you don't know.”
jaemin’s interest in the conversation suddenly spikes, looking for you to continue.
“hayun… she.. wasn’t actually abandoned by her friends.”
“what?”
“the night she told me she liked you, she also told me that she ditched her friends because she saw that we were here. she lied about them kicking her out so that we would feel bad and let her stay, so that then she could finally get her chance to talk to you.” you pause, attempting to read jaemin’s face but failing, getting nothing from his expression. “i should have told you, but i didn't want you to get hurt. instead… i did exactly that. i'm sorry, jaemin, really.”
when you finish speaking, you notice as jaemin’s lips slightly curl into a smile before dropping back to his cold demeanor, and it makes you question whether you really saw it or if it was just your mind playing tricks on you.
“yn..” he trails off, whatever he wants to say interrupted by your sudden panic in not wanting to embarrassing yourself.
you ramble, scared that he won't accept your apology. “but like you said to mark earlier, if you still want to ask her out, that's fin-”
“wait, what?” jaemin says, moving from his position leaning against the counter to stand upright.
“i, um, heard you and mark talking earlier about how you were still going to ask her out despite everything..” you say.
jaemin laughs to himself and you grow confused. “oh, yn.” he says.
“what? what’s so funny?”
“you never did get my hints, did you.”
your heart freezes in your throat, the cold weather no longer chilling you but instead the bitter taste of jaemin’s words as they formulate in your brain.
he continues, noticing your confusion. “it was never her that i had a crush on. it was never her that i was planning to ask out.”
you’re struggling to breath, each intake of oxygen getting caught in your chest.
“yeah, i thought she was kinda pretty when i first saw her across my lecture a few months ago, but that was long before i fell for who i really wanted.” he smiles, inching closer to you. “and after everyone found out that i was sleeping with you, i decided that there was no longer an excuse for me to hide my feelings.” he takes a hold of your hand, looking down at it as he plays with your fingers. “i was starting to get pretty pissed that you wouldn’t pick up any of my hints, you know? you can’t even imagine how embarrassed i was to find out that it was because you were trying to play cupid for me and someone else.”
your mind is vacant, filled with the epiphany of his words as they resonate in your head, playing a tune of melancholic rhythm as it twists into an allegro.
“but… the rule.” you say.
jaemin chuckles, “i think we stopped caring about those rules a while ago, yn. i know i did. ”
you’re no longer cold, jaemins warmth radiating against you like the blissful aura of a flame, attracting you and drawing you closer.
it was then that you realised that you haven't said anything to equate his long speech, but words can do nothing to describe the way that you’re feeling. its as if someone had approached you with a mirror, brutally displaying each of your own hidden thoughts and projecting them back at you. because every single word that jaemin muttered, you found deep within yourself. it all clicks, perfectly and irrevocably, into place. your jealousy, your embarrassment, your stupidity.
your love.
instead of attempting to sum up all of your feelings into words, you do the one thing that will live up to the emotions that reside within you. taking not a single moment to prepare yourself, you lean closer to him, his eyes finding your lips. you nod, its small but the gesture means so much. it's an agreement, a sealing of mutual understanding. it's slow and it's incredibly gentle as his lips greet yours, soft in a way unlike ever before. kisses between you and jaemin were always the result of lust, of stupidity. but now, it's the result of something far greater.
it’s love.
❆ ❆ ❆
when the sun rises above the horizon, you leap from jaemin’s bed, him giggling at your eagerness.
“oh my god, it's finally clear!!” you yell, waking up each of the boys with your burst of excitement. you could finally go home.
the morning consisted of three major revelations. one: you all contacting hayun’s friends, watching as they dragged her into their car to drive her home. two: discovering that chenle had only showered once throughout the entire vacation (you all started placing bids as to who gets to not sit next to him on the journey back) and three: witnessing the boys’ reactions to your’s and jaemins new secret.
“i knew you’d do it, dude.” mark said, attempting to fist bump jaemin in the most cringe-worthy interaction you’ve ever seen in your life. jisung and chenle however, were completely baffled, and it took about thirty minutes of explaining for them to understand that it was you that jaemin had a crush on, and not hayun. you’re still convinced that jisung doesn't understand.
once you had all packed your things, you grabbed your suitcases, standing in the porch as chenle locked the front door for the final time.
“im going to miss this place.” mark says, exaggerating an act of sadness as he clutches his chest.
“im not,” chenle replies, “i’ve never been so bored in my entire fucking life.”
“it’s been fun.” you say, smiling.
jaemin’s voice comes from next to you. “eh, could have been better.”
you turn to him in offence.
he continues, “i'm just saying, i never got to actually snowboard.”
“are you suggesting what i think you’re suggesting…?” mark replies, looking around the group and meeting similar grins and looks of hopefulness.
jaemin shrugs, “i dont know, am i?”
as if on cue, you all drop your suitcases in the snow, laughter and coils of happiness springing between you as you run to the shed behind the cabin for one last time.
no other winter ski trip ever got near to living up to that one.
not even close.
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The loud ring of the school bell echoed through the hallway, and Leo instinctively covered his ears, wincing at the sound. He was used to it by now, but that didn’t make it any less unpleasant. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the new kid—Jason—doing the exact same thing, though his expression was different. He looked genuinely startled, his face tightening as if the noise had caught him completely off guard.
Leo watched him for a moment, curious. Guess I’m not the only one who hates that thing, he thought to himself.
Meanwhile, Piper was busy packing up her books and notebooks, neatly sliding them into her bag like the organized machine she was. She glanced over at Leo. “Earth to Leo? Our next class.”
Leo gave her a half-smile, still distracted. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.”
The two of them walked to their english class together, joining the crowd of kids heading in the same direction. When they entered the room, the teacher—Mr. Hermes—was already at the front, adjusting a stack of papers. He was this skinny guy with super messy hair and a beard that looked like he just forgot to shave. He always kinda looked like he just rolled out of bed, but he had this cool vibe about him, the kind that made even boring stuff seem kinda fun.
Leo liked Mr. Hermes. He always had a joke or a story up his sleeve, and he wasn’t afraid to bend the rules a little bit if it meant making class more fun.
“Alright, everyone, settle down!” Hermes called out, clapping his hands. “We’ve got something a little different today. I’m giving you an activity to work on in groups of three.”
The class perked up slightly at that. Group activities were always better than sitting through a lecture.
Mr. Hermes continued, waving a paper in the air. “Here’s how it’s gonna work. I’ll hand out the instructions, and you’ll work with your group to come up with some creative answers. You’ll have until the end of class, so don’t waste time deciding on your trios.” He paused, grinning. “And yes, you can pick your own groups.”
The room erupted into chatter as everyone started looking around, deciding who they wanted to team up with.
Piper tilted her head, clearly already thinking about their group. “So, who should we—”
“I wanna team up with the new kid!” Leo blurted out, cutting Piper off. He pointed right at the blonde boy sitting in the back, all quiet like he was trying not to be noticed. Leo didn’t really know why, but something about him just made Leo want to drag him into their group. Maybe it was because he looked so... out of place. Or maybe Leo just thought it’d be fun to see what his deal was.
Piper blinked at him. “Him? Why?”
Leo shrugged, grinning. “I dunno, I just wanna talk to him. He looks kinda cool. And, y’know,” he added with a cheeky glint in his eye, “he probably needs help making friends or something.”
Piper rolled her eyes but smiled anyway. “Fine. But don’t scare him off, okay?”
Leo ignored her and turned to Jason, waving him over. “Hey, Jake! Wanna join our group?” he called out, loud enough for half the class to hear.
Jason’s head shot up, his eyes widening slightly as he looked at Leo, then Piper, then back at Leo again. For a moment, he hesitated, like he wasn’t sure if Leo was serious. But then, with a small, uncertain nod, he grabbed his notebook and slowly made his way over to their table.
Leo beamed. “Cool! You’re with us now. I’m Leo, by the way. And this is Piper. Don’t worry, we’re pretty awesome.”
Jason gave a small smile, his voice quiet but polite. “Thanks. I’m Jason, actually.”
“Yeah, I know,” Leo said, leaning back in his chair. “Mrs. Roberts introduced you, remember?”
Jason shifted awkwardly, clutching his notebook to his chest. “Um, yes,” he said softly. “You called me Jake.”
Leo blinked, then let out a chuckle. “Did I? Oops, my bad. Jason, Jake, same thing, right?”
Piper rolled her eyes, giving Leo a playful nudge. “No, it’s not the same thing, genius. Maybe try listening for once.”
Leo shrugged and Piper let out a sigh. “Well, welcome to the group, Jason. Let’s see what Mr. Hermes has in store for us.”
Leo leaned forward, his excitement bubbling over. “Don’t worry, dude. We’ve got this. With me on your team, there’s no way we can lose.”
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Festival Confusion
Damon Albarn x fem!reader
Summary: When a performance turns into jealousy and confessions.
Warnings: fluff, angst, jealousy,
Wordcount: 0.9k
Masterlist
It had been years and years of watching him perform. Interacting with different people, with the crowd and other artists. All she ever felt when watching him up there, singing and enjoying himself, was pride of his achievement and a certain kind of joy when seeing him so happy while doing it.
So why did it feel so different now?
Standing on the sidelines, she sang all the lyrics to every song. She knew every single word. She had always been the first one to hear them. Until a new beat came booming over the speakers. One she didn’t recognize from the first second. One that she’d never heard before.
It would’ve been a problem with her, Damon had every right to keep some songs to himself. And the longer she watched him, sing and interact with the crowd, the more invested in it she got.
It was good. It was really good.
Moving her body to the rhythm of the song, swaying her hips. Mouthing the words she’d picked up during the previous chorus.
Until something else new came out of the blue. Kali Uchis stepped out onto stage, singing her verse. Standing near Damon as they finished the song together. The rest of the set was a blur. Rummage of images and melodies but not a lot substance to it. Time she would’ve spent enjoying herself was now occupied with uncertain thoughts in her head.
She knew the set-list, knew when to walk backstage to greet Damon just as he got from stage to find her waiting for him. Making her way through the crowd with uncertain steps.
Watching him say goodbye to the crowd from behind the stage she saw the change of emotion in his eyes as he turned and faced her. Finally. Pride turned into calmness and affection.
Running into her arms, Damon picked her up, making her shriek in amusement. He buried his head in her neck, leaving little pecks on her skin together with mumbled words she couldn’t understand.
Pulling back and letting her feet touch the ground again, Damon looked at her the same way he looked at Kali earlier on stage, standing just as close. Smiling in the same way. And when the thought dawned in her head again, so did the uneasy feeling in her gut. Reappearing with every second of his sweet smile and climbing further up her throat.
“Kali asked if we wanted to go to a party with her,” Damon told her excitedly. Throwing an arm over her shoulder and pulling her closer into his side as they walked into the fresh wind together. “Just some celebration thing. A bit of fun.”
She smiled at him, acting like she was thinking about it, though he saw the hesitation in her eyes, felt in her hand when the found his. He knew what was going to come from her lips the next second.
“I’m not feeling too good, sorry.” Looking down at the ground, she continued like she always did, “But you should go, I bet it’s gonna be fun. I’ll just go to sleep.”
“OK,” he answered, continuing their way off of the festival grounds and into the growing night sky.
“Where are you going?” she asked as he kept by her side, hand in his pocket. “What about the party?”
“You’re not feeling well, so I’m staying with you.”
“You don’t have to do that, Damon. I’m fine on my own, just go have fun.”
“I don’t want to,” he said, halting his step and turning towards her. “Why don’t you trust me that I like spending all my time with you? No matter in what condition or form. I said yes to forever and I meant that. Didn’t you?”
His voice broke, breaking her heart a bit further.
“No, God no. Of course I meant it. I always did. It’s just that…” There didn’t seem to be the right words to make this sound as less stupid as possible. “I was just worrying you felt bored having to let go of all you loved doing so much.”
“I love doing you even more,” he answered, a cheeky grin spreading across his face. Leaning in closer and letting his lips fall on hers. “I love you.”
Her hand went up to his face, pulling him closer once more.
“I love you too, Damon.”
“Now, tell me what’s really going on.”
They continued walking hand in hand. Turning right and towards the car waiting for them.
“It’s stupid, really.” She tried playing it off, but after receiving a dissatisfied look from him, she knew there was no way around the truth.
Settling into the backseat, she stared out the window before answering. Feeling his hand moving up and down her thigh in comfort.
“I had this really uneasy feeling in my chest when you performed with her,” she confessed, turning towards him. Staring into his brown eyes. “That’s why I wasn’t feeling well.”
“It’s just a song, love. A performance, that’s all,” he tried to assure her, moving a bit closer.
“I know, but it just felt so real. You two looked good together, Damon.” Tears were welling up in her eyes, pooling at the corner of her eye and blurring her vision completely.
“You look way better with me. Even better than me. I can’t believe I got so lucky with you willing to stick around with me for so long, I wouldn’t trade you for the world, love. Don’t you worry about anything. You’re the only one for me. Forever, like I promised.”
#damon albarn#damon albarn x reader#damon allbarn fanfic#damon albran x you#damon albarn x fem!reader#blur#blur x reader#blur fanfic#blurb#blur band#britpop x you#britpop x reader#britpop imagine#britpop fanfic#britpop
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Also I feel like I have to say this but FUCK Toy Story 4. Awful movie, bad execution, poor excuse for a sequel.
#they stopped animating several of the toys like TOYS. they completely lost track of what made the first 3 films so charming#which was the fact that woody runs like a puppet and the barbies move like they can’t bend their legs (because they can’t)#and just in general everyone moves awkwardly. they completely fucked it up. bo peep used to move like she was on wheels#why is she now an action girl?? they made her look COMPLETELY different. i think they heard strong female character and assumed#they had to make bo a karate kicking badass. my girl was a badass when she was a solid fucking doll who had basically no movement#in her bottom half#woody would never have abandoned a kid; buzz’s weird psychic inner voice was lazy writing#they utilised the humans WAY too much for my liking. it’s TOY story not story of bonnie’s family#they had the toys break rules near constantly. they didn’t have a good villain#they didn’t use hamm or potato head or jessie or bullseye or rex anywhere near enough#whyyyyyy bring on extra comedy relief characters when YOU HAVE HAMM RIGHT THERE#i feel like the writers didn’t want to bother writing funny sarcasm and wordplay for hamm or just didn’t trust gen alpha kids to understand#it; so they brought in key and peele to do slapstick instead. which is fine but like. the supporting cast literally MADE TS2&3#why are you not utilising them. is it to justify paying the actors less? because they only got a couple of lines each#there was no good villain. the ventriloquist dummies were creepy and had potential and i honestly thought gabby was going to be the next#lotso; but no one had the guts to go through with it#there was no one to hold a candle to sid or al or lotso or even zurg#i honest to god feel like i could’ve written a better movie. i know someone will pop up like ‘but you didn’t!!’#yeah because i’m not getting paid by fucking disney. if you want a screenplay i’ll write one girl#just don’t act like this film was good. it was boring and the writing was lazy#personal
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Interesting. Don’t necessarily think I’m autistic but I have more going on than just ADHD and I’m not sure what that is.
#I’m not even sure if the ADHD is actually ADHD either or if it’s just technology addiction#Gonna get a REAL neuropsych evaluation at some point out of sheer curiosity as to what the fuck is wrong with me#I relate to a lot of autistic things and I relate to a lot of ADHD things; but I don’t entirely relate to the majority of either population#and I don’t relate to people with both enough to think I have both#I’ve begun treating myself as if I am autistic just for Kicks and using things that help them and it’s helping in some ways#but I know it’s probably not autism because even though I struggle socially; it’s not because of the same reasons#I understand social cues; I was only accidentally perceived as rude as a kid (and most kids are kind of blunt)#(Mostly a moderate amount of “Stop correcting me! It’s disrespectful!” from my parents)#And nowadays because of how much psychology and acting I study; I can perceive shrimp social cues#And I’m purposefully doing all the right things but it still feels like I fail social interactions because of my lack of assertiveness#which I KNOW come from being raised in a cult#so perhaps my odd social behavior is from CPTSD from being raised in a puritan doomsday cult as an only child#Because I was NOT introverted or sensitive to others as a child#I did not have routines as a child and the ones I did have were for fun and did not distress me if I strayed from them#But now I need structure as an adult because I don’t know what else to do with myself if I have nowhere to be#But at the same time everyone feels worse when they have no routine or expectations#And is it actually inattentive ADHD or severe derealization and an itch to do as many things as possible#because I spent my childhood being raised in a boring doomsday cult by disabled older parents who couldn’t physically do much?#(And I don’t fault my parents for being disabled but I do fault them for the whole doomsday cult thing)#So I spent my whole childhood doing mentally tedious things when really I’m more wired for physically spontaneous things#Because I was not allowed to walk around the neighborhood alone until I was sixteen#And I couldn’t hang out with friends I wanted to hang out with because they were bad association#So of course I got really good at drawing even though I don’t even like drawing that much#Of course I got really good at writing even though I don’t like writing that much#Now that I don’t need to escape from anything I find I actually hate drawing and writing because it’s such a chore#they make my heart rate accelerate in a way I don’t like to feel#(I hate writing less than drawing)
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Well, I actually have the most mundane of questions, but it’s been so long since I’ve been in an English class that I feel like I’ve completely forgotten (and I’m curious how you do it): how do you go about reading a book as a class? Do you assign them the chapters to read at home and most of them actually do it? Or do you give them class time to read? Do you have the kids who try to spoil the rest of the book for the class? Basically, how does one teach a book in the year 2024? 😀
And do you have your students annotate inside their books? (I know the English teachers in my school require the students to do that, and I get why, but I inwardly shudder every time I see a student marking up a page.)
Haha I love this question because I too am always asking myself how DOES one teach a book in 2024?
It’s sort of a combination. I absolutely assign reading every night (almost) unless it’s Shakespeare or any play in which case we read it all in class. But for a novel there’s a couple chapters a night. I read aloud to them a lot too. Sometjmes I make them read aloud to the whole class, rotating kids who read. Sometimes I assign a chapter to be read in class silently with questions or quotes due at the end of the reading. Sometimes I put them in groups and make them read aloud to each other. There’s no one way that works for sure and of course ultimately I have no control over how much they read and I’m not naive enough to think that most of the reading assigned for homework doesn’t get skipped most of the time buuuuuut.
My bottom line is that I believe it’s my job to get excited about the actual text itself (easier for me in some cases than others but overall pretty easy because it does fill me with excitement) and then commit to taking them on the journey of the story with me. And my goal—that I’m sure I often don’t reach—is to make that experience so much more fun if you have actually read. And the way that I teach is pretty text heavy which is why I always make sure I’ve read the chapters for the day and am not just relying on my memory because the way I do it is just sort of absorbing it all up like a vacuum-cleaner, schwooooop, and then either pulling stuff out of the reading to look at directly or directing them to do the same thing. So the big thing that I have going for me, if any, is buy-in. Is getting kids excited about actually reading the actual text. I also speak often and passionately about the evils of sparknotes etc. not because they help kids get better grades or whatever but because they present you with the husk and shell of a story, stripped of all that makes it interesting, and that by reading that alone they’re reading something so dry and dull and are not achieving what I always want them to achieve —which is, have an Experience with the Literature.
Again, it never works perfectly by any stretch and there are so many ways I want to explore in my quest to get better at it but overall I think, at my very best, I can create this wave of energy and excitement in the story itself which is the most organic and ultimately most helpful way to get them to want to read.
Also no haha. I don’t let them annotate! Though occasionally kids DO of course. But sometimes they bring in their own copies in order to do that. The spoilers absolutely happen and are annoying but I sort of get by it by moving on very quickly and/or talking about how it’s often not the ending but how you get there that makes it interesting. Because that’s just true!
#gosh does this answer make sense#I am so passionate about doing it well and there are huge gaps in my teaching in terms of concrete stuff#but I am doing ….. Something in terms of bringing literature closer to them#and that’s what I want to do!#also love love love the bonus of getting to reread great works over and over until they start sinking into my brain#and I think (well I usually don’t think about it) but I think that the experience for them of watching me read it again#(and sometimes literally I won’t have time to read I need 10 minutes to finish this chapter and tell them to shut up)#(while I sit there and read it)#reminds them that I AM committed to doing the work with them. that I am actually doing it and that I want to!#and idk I think that is both a rarer experience and one that’s kind of underrated in terms of how much warmth it can create#because I have nothing in common with 16 year olds we couldn’t be friends in real life without it being very weird/possibly inappropriate#but in class we have a Thing to be friends about#we have a shared goal! and not just an arbitrary one but a deeply beautiful one#idk. there’s still a lot of boredom a lot of pushback a lot of disinterest#but I’m always amazed at how often kids do want to …. idk sink their teeth into something real#it’s REAL food for their minds. and the hunger for it is there even if they decide they’re too lazy to join the group#my goal is to —merely by the situation itself—make you feel left out of the fun if you refuse to do the work#so you can CHOOSE that but it’s less fun. it’s cold. it’s boring and it’s isolating#because refusing to do the work and insisting on being a little toad SHOULD come with natural social punishments in the form of exclusion#from the best kind of fun. it often does NOT. but yeah. I think I’m also getting better at shutting down toad behavior from adolescent male#this is where teaching co-Ed helps because there are some girls who are like ‘if you stop my learning I will kill you’#not ENOUGH girls but some#ooooof this is a long answer but literally always on my mind#thank you for asking!!! also haha I assumed you were an English teacher yourself!
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Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).
I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.
So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.
#text post#incoherent rambling#project update#game project#I’m still also debating whether or not I can actually even make a proper horror game too#It’s the rule of like just being a horror fan doesn’t make you good at horror being afraid of something does? ya know?#I am trying to go with things that scare me personally but it’s been difficult#either things aren’t concrete of concepts enough or are wayyyy too oddly specific to make anything about#which is quitter talk I know but how does one translate the childhood heebee jeebees of watching top ten gaming videos past bedtime 💀💀💀#or like the way too broad general fear of lack of control without making it too on the nose or too vague#truly a balancing act writing is#kinda ironically I am also a little bit less afraid of hospitals after having been to one for myself rather than family members#which makes things both more and less difficult???#on one hand I have better references for them now but on the other hand I’m desensitized to it 😔#I think I get used to things a little too easily for a lot of things to stay scary#the thing was a scary movie the first time I saw it and now it’s a comfort film#funger was a very scary game until I first died and reloaded a save with little consequence and now it’s just a spooky but fun rpg#but then at the same time thinking about a movie studio logo before a movie that scared me as a kid cause there was a monster in it#still gives weird left over shivers but actually seeing it doesn’t anymore for some reason#I feel like that’s how it’s worked with most things I’ve ever been afraid of in my life besides concepts like death control or idk drowning#ugh writing is HARD#but actually making a functional and fun to play game is harder oh my god do I not know how to make puzzles#I have made swivel chairs that can be knocked and walked over but that’s about it and idk what to do with that knowledge lmaooooo#and I don’t want the entire gameplay loop to be read text search room get key repeat cause that’s boring#I have also desperately tried making a stamina system but there’s not much help with that online especially not in the rpg maker forums#the no necroposting rule sucks all the threads for questions I have never get answered and never will cause no one is allowed to due to age#anyway idk what to tag this probably won’t get seen since it’s not my usual anyway but eh whatever I’ll think about this#hopefully I remember the passwords to two blogs 💀💀💀
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I caught myself looking like 😑 again at the grocery store today and I feel so awkward. I don’t want to come off as an asshole to anyone working there (it must suck as a job, especially during summer tourist season) but my face is just like this! I think it would be really funny if I got a custom t-shirt one day that just said “sorry, it’s (probably) not you. My face is just like this” with the 😑 emoji under it
#emma posts#when it doesn’t look like 😑 it looks like 😳#i just remembered today that part of the reason it’s like this was that in highschool if i looked like that my bullies got bored#was always switching between 😑 and 😳 and now those are just my defaults#the 😳 would probably be around regardless tho#it’s kinda funny how my teacher mom has strangers approach her regularly but my dad and I and maybe my brothers don’t get that#but my dad is 6ft with a 😑 expression most of the time in public#my brothers have different vibes but are also huge#youngest has got an awkward gentle giant energy#and middle kid has what I can only call a ‘more subtle bakugo rizz’ if that makes any sense#dude needs to take his meds like the rest of us#I really went from 😳 elementary to 😑 highschool expression wise#and one is anxiety and autism while the other is autism and defense against bullies#but now my face is just like that by default and it’s super awkward#I’m also self conscious about how i look while laughing#but that’s a mostly separate thing#mostly#non-human animals get the ☺️ expression though so they like my vibes better#I also try to be like that with kids. and I am a little internally. but I also panic about how the respond to them#I’d blame one specific younger cousin experience but I’m not totally sure#either way I look a little less 😑 to them but probably still a little 😳#kids with anxiety seem to like me though. we get each other’s vibes I guess 🤷♀️#but gods. I don’t want to look at cashiers like 😑 in the checkout but i keep doing it#and when i consciously try to stop i often look more like 😳#girl has no rizz if you’re not a cat#I react the same way to energetic dogs as I do most kids which is a bit weird tbh#I end up looking like a combination of 😳😐😬😦😅 when I try to talk to neighbors#my only advantage is that people think my jokes are funny. at least in person#and I can at least tell when someone is faking their smile response#if there are two things I can usually pick up on it’s nervousness and amusement
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nothing pisses me off more than how figure skating reporters/news will constantly and intentionally leave out important details of stories in order to produce ragebait for people who don’t know anything about figure skating
#like i’m sorry but surya bonaly is NOT the hill you want to die on.#they banned backflips BEFORE SHE WAS EVEN COMPETING because guess what!#USFSA/ISU doesn’t want to deal with skaters breaking their fucking necks and dying on live tv!#or make young skaters feel like they Have To Learn how to do it and then fucking dying because of how INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS it is.#dont get me wrong figure skating is conservative and racist as fuck and surya bonaly faced some pretty horrific racism in her career#but banning the backflip had absolutely nothing to do with her and everything to do about not having skaters fucking die#also i’m not sorry but her edgework fucking sucked. like her jumps were incredible i can’t lie but her edges were. painful to watch at best#see also: everything regarding the sambo 70 and eteri#i am so sick and fucking tired of seeing people who don’t skate just hype up these incredible abused teenagers and hail them like gods#they don’t need fame they need HELP and eteri needs to be in fucking JAIL for what she’s done to SO MANY KIDS#i hope this sport gets more boring!! i hope i see less quads and less teenagers!!#what i want to see is competitive skaters who are still able to skate when they’re 25+ because their training was healthy and genuine#i want to see good technique and clean lutz edges and no full blade assistance on toe jumps bc thats what will save your joints#i want to see skaters with muscle and fat who have healthy relationships w/ food and their bodies and are stronger for it#this sport is so fucked. it’s a joke. i love skating but i wish i never had to interact with the community around it#ESPECIALLY those who have never gone through the sport themselves. stop getting off on abused children and start advocating for SAFETY#rosie speaks
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i really liked these additional comments and thought they deserved to be in the post
every time i post about male favoritism in the fandom i feel like i need to wear a shirt that says "i am not trying to tell you that it is wrong to like davekat i literally also like davekat if you come away with the assumption that my message is to stop liking the boy ships in homestuck you are missing the overall point which is arguably more detrimental than never having interacted with what i was trying to say in the first place" flashback to that person in my inbox like "just admit that you don't like davekat it's pretty obvious based on your posts that you have a problem with it" do i need to draw them holding hands or something to get you guys to trust me and engage with what i'm saying. would it help if i also threw in a subway surfers clip
#was just rambling so much to my bf about this last night actually#because we just got done watching a series with really questionable treatment of its female characters and im just soooo sick and tired of—#fandom acting like women are less interesting and not worth their time.#idk if it’s just the specific circles im in but the homestuck fandom seems better about this these days.#but overall any time some sort of series gets big if you check the tag it’s ALL yaoi#and it’s almost always made by people attracted to men who dont really understand that they constantly elevate men in every fandom space#i don’t CARE if you’re transmasc and really relate to gnc man number 36743 i dont have an issue with that#but i do care that nobody in the entire fucking fandom cares about the women or makes art for them#your projection in the end still just elevates men to the center of attention#and your insistence that since you’re now a man you couldn’t POSSIBLY relate to or project onto a woman strikes me as kinda dehumanizing!#’name your favorite female character’ ‘omg [man] he’s like a baby girl to me 😍’#admit you have never thought about the female characters once in your life.#i don’t need you to flip some magic switch and only care about female characters (although tbfh its fun and you should try it)#but i asking you to examine WHY you trend so hard in caring about men. is it because their personalities seem more deep complex & interest?#ask yourself WHY THAT IS. ask yourself what it is about these male characters that are fundamentally more intriguing to your analysis#because chances are it’s not that the female characters are boring#it’s that PLUS a billion other systemic biases stacking on top of each other#that YOU ARE PERPETUATING!!!!#okay im done ranting but. god. god damn.#it sucks so bad to see people just fully ignore how much of a real issue this is in fandom spaces.#yeah so you were born attracted to men and taught to constantly think about and prioritize their feelings. have you considered changing
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#ya ever jus cant shake the feeling that you’re not important and that your time isn’t nearly as valuable as everyone else’s??#so you get yourself in trouble with yourself because you’re not doing enough for other people??#Glindy’s Posts#because like you’re scum so of course nobody else has to do that thing#because they’re much more important than you and have much more important things to do#like read or relax or play games or work out#but you’re just stupid and boring and don’t deserve to have free time?#because it really feels like that way to me#my words don’t matter and my time doesn’t matter and I should feel guilty for not serving those more important than me?#tw#straight up wish I didn’t hate myself so much life would be so much easier#what do you mean you can just do things without worrying about everything everyone will think ever#and you’ll have to live with the guilt of not doing their dishes for the rest of all eternity because they have more important things to do#and YOU didn’t do them even though they weren’t yours but you make less money or you’re not as pretty or not as fun#so their responsibilities fall onto you because you don’t deserve to have time to be nice because you haven’t done anything to earn that
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How To Make Your Writing Less Stiff 6
Part 5
Part 1
Adverbs
Gasp! Oh no. Dare come yet more writing advice burning adverbs at the stake? Vindictively, gleefully, manically dancing in the ashes?
No.
This is not about whether or not you should use them, but their frequency and obvious places to replace them. Most bad adverbs are the common ones that could be replaced by verbs we all know.
“She ran quickly” // “She sprinted”
“He said angrily” // “He snapped��� “He chided” “He chastised”
vs.
“He ate voraciously”
“She swayed solemnly”
“She laughed sadly”
Bonus if you can add in some alliteration like ‘swayed solemnly’
If you can come up with an obvious verb to replace your verb + adverb combo, do so. If it would take more words or the closest applicable verb doesn’t hit the same vibe, then leave it. Adverbs should enhance the verb, not be redundant. Verbs shouldn’t be pretentious just to avoid them.
“She smiled happily” — most smiles are happy. Happily is redundant.
“He ran quickly” —a run is, by nature, quick
vs.
“She smiled sourly”
“He ran erratically”
Also!
The adverb need not always be after the verb.
“C accepted gladly” // “C gladly accepted”
But also
“Glad, C accepted”
“A shook their head resolutely” // “Resolute, A shook their head”
“The child skipped excitedly away.” // “Excited, the child skipped away.” // “The child skipped away, excited.”
English is flexible like that.
Which is what I mean with managing your adverb frequency. As most end in the -ly, too many in succession, on top of the repeat syntax of Subject - Verb - Adverb looks boring and dull (and so does beginning every sentence with the subject). It helps with your cadence and flow if you don’t have entire paragraphs at a time all starting with “He [verb]” or “She [verb]” or “They [verb].” We don't speak like this in natural conversation.
But at the end of the day, there are some juicy adverbs that have no equal without busting out the thesaurus for some obscure lexical nugget that no one would understand anyway.
#writing#writing a book#writing advice#writeblr#writing resources#writing tips#writing tools#adverbs
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Here is a potentially silly question: how do you feel about birthstones? Do you think they fit the months (by season or astrological sign)? Do you have other stones you'd rather see as birthstones?
Okay, so, birthstones make absolutely no sense.
I mean, look at this mess. We’re doing beryl and corundum twice! I get that they get Special Different Names for their Special Different Colors, but it's just lazy. And why are we giving some months cheap, common gemstones like garnet and amethyst while the poor June birthdays have to shell out tens of thousands of dollars for FREAKING ALEXANDRITE? That’s incredibly unfair! We should be picking birthstones that are all roughly the same price. And why do some months get multiple gemstones? I’ll tell you why: because nobody can agree on an official list and every attempt to standardize this thing has just added MORE birthstones to every month.
So obviously the answer is to standardize it again, by throwing out everything and starting over. Here are our goals:
Fair pricing. You should be paying roughly the same amount regardless of what month you were born in. We’re getting rid of those ridiculous outliers like diamond and alexandrite.
More customization potential! Nobody should be stuck with a stone they hate. We’re picking gemstones that come in multiple colors or varieties, so that everyone can choose a variant they like.
Wearability. Some birthstones are too fragile to be worn as jewelry. We need to replace them with stronger stuff.
No more duplicate gemstones. Every month gets a stone or family of stones with a unique chemical composition.
Now without further ado, I present to you:
The New And Improved List Of Birthstones With No Problems Or Flaws That Everyone Will Definitely Agree On And We Can Start Using Right Now Immediately
JANUARY: GARNET
I've got no problem with garnet. It's a fine, classic birthstone, so January can keep it. But I would like to see a little more garnet diversity. January birthdays shouldn’t be confined to just red. The garnet family of minerals contains a rainbow of different colors, like orange hessonite, green uvarovite, pink rhodolite, yellow grandite, and many more. They’re all garnet, so we should be wearing them all!
FEBRUARY: QUARTZ
The original birthstone of February was amethyst, which is… kinda boring. Super cheap and common and you only get one color? No, we can do better. February gets ALL the quartzes now. Keep wearing amethyst if you want, but also feel free to branch out into clear quartz, citrine, rose quartz, smoky quartz, rutilated quartz, tiger eye… actually, take all the agates too. If it’s quartz, it’s yours!
MARCH: SPODUMENE
March was originally aquamarine, but I’ll be giving all the beryls to May, so we need a different stone here. Let’s stick with that theme of pale pastels and go with spodumene. For an April birthday, bedeck yourself in green hiddenite, pink kunzite, or yellow triphane. Despite its subtle colors, your birthstone has some amazing fluorescence, with really cool pinks and oranges under a UV light.
APRIL: FELDSPAR
Diamond is too pricy for this list, so we’re replacing it with something less expensive and way more interesting. April will now be represented by the feldspar family. We’re talking labradorite, moonstone, amazonite, aventurine, and sunstone. While you don’t have much variety in color, your stones are full of shimmery schiller which glitters and shifts as it catches the light.
MAY: BERYL
May’s original birthstone was emerald, which is great and can stay, but we’re also adding its siblings! May is now represented by all beryls: Emerald, Aquamarine, Morganite, Bixbite, Heliodor, Goshenite, and whatever other varieties I’m forgetting to list. A bright and saturated rainbow of colors is represented here, so everyone born in May is sure to find something they like.
JUNE: ORGANIC GEMSTONES AND FOSSILS
It’s time to address the alexandrite in the room, and obviously we’re getting rid of alexandrite. A stone worth $15,000 to $70,000 a carat does not belong on the same list as friggin amethyst. Instead we’ll look at the other traditional June birthstone, pearl. The problem with pearl is that it’s a clear outlier in this list. An organic gemstone, by some definitions not even a mineral. Should we replace it? NO. We are OWNING it. All organic gemstones now belong to June. Pearl is joined here by jet, amber, coral, ivory, ammolite, petrified wood… in fact, June can have every fossil ever.
JULY: SPINEL
July was originally represented by ruby, which is a fine stone and won’t be kicked off the birthstone list - we’re just shuffling it down to September. Replacing ruby for July is spinel. (See, it’s funny because historically spinel has often been mistakenly identified as ruby! That's a little gemology humor for you.) Available in any hue you could possibly desire, spinel offers some nice color options to a month that previously only featured red. Of course if you want to keep wearing red, red spinel mimics ruby so well that you’ll barely notice the difference.
AUGUST: PERIDOT
Nope, we’re not changing this one. Peridot is the ideal gemstone and you ungrateful August whiners can die mad about it. HOW ABOUT YOU LEARN TO APPRECIATE PERFECTION
SEPTEMBER: CORUNDUM
Sapphire is a wonderful, classic stone and it deserves its spot on this list. But the corundum family has been separated for far too long, and we’re finally going to reunite them. Joining sapphire in September is its sister ruby. Between the pinks and reds of ruby and the many, many colors of sapphire, these two stones give September a nice variety of colors.
OCTOBER: TOURMALINE
Look, as gorgeous as opal is and as much as I love it, it is both way too pricy for our list and also TERRIBLE in jewelry. This stone is just too brittle to wear around from day to day and can be ruined just by getting it wet, which makes wearing your birthstone a huge hassle. We’ll kick opal out and hang on to October’s other traditional birthstone, tourmaline. Pink tourmaline may be classic, but this stone comes in plenty of other colors. Whether it’s brown dravite, watermelon elbaite, or the rare and beautiful blue indicolite, you can wear them all!
NOVEMBER: TOPAZ
November can keep topaz, but we’re not confining it to the color yellow. This stone comes in a huge variety of colors, and now they can ALL represent November. No further notes; it’s a nice, classic stone.
DECEMBER: ZIRCON
I dunno, I’ve had to come up with 12 of these, I’m burnt out. Sure, zircon, whatever.
“BUT WAIT,” you say. “Now instead of having a single color assigned to each month, almost every month is represented by almost every color, making it impossible to tell anyone’s birthstones apart and removing what made them special and recognizable as symbols!”
Well CLEARLY you didn’t read the title of this list.
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I’ve lucid dreamed before and I honestly can’t imagine how they could manage to make this work, even if they wanted to make it happen.
I rant in the tags but pls know I’m just exploring this inane idea for fun, 100% if this device exists it’s just a scam for money lmao.
Man, this is some science fiction capitalism dystopian bullshit.
#firstly… REM (in a textbook example of a healthy young adult) happens around every 90 minutes#the first period is relatively short and each REM thereafter becomes progressively longer#essentially y’all can especially ~2 collective/disjointed hours of REM to work with#also#lucid dreaming isn’t easy (for most)#it requires a few things#1 is healthy sleep (unfortunately I see lots of sleep apnea patients with minimal REM sleep)#next is a healthy sleep schedule which most people don’t have BECAUSE of their work lmao#those ~2 hours REM is based on a full uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep nightly and a lot of people don’t get that so y’all can realistically#expect for it to be LESS than ~2 hours#so like what are they gunning for? another (disjointed) 1-2 hours of work where you operate like you’re on as least ONE alcoholic beverage#and cannot operate anything IRL??#ALSO another thing required for lucid dreaming - practice!!#and y’all I STOPPED PRACTICING BECAUSE OF WORK#you need FREE TIME to practice this! (arguably you can practice while working but if I can’t be bothered to do it I can’t imagine most would#)#it’s not a guaranteed thing either#you MAY become lucid within any REM period but it’s sort of a crap shoot#so I’m addition you can take what I said about 1-2 hours of extra work and minimize it to almost nothing#ALSO even if this BS machine could make you lucid in 100% of REM periods#there’s no way to record dreams so you can wake up and say ‘ah sorry lads it didn’t work this time’ like HOW WOULD THEY KNOW??#I’m ranting like this is a real thing and I hope people know I don’t genuinely believe that these guys think they can do this#but I’m bored rn and went off#(I remember a study I’ve read forever ago and genuinely these machines don’t work how they’re advertised)#(the study was about a machine that flashed a rhythmic light into the persons eyes as a way to remind them to ‘reality check’ or to check to#see if they’re dreaming. it showed some improvement with those who PRACTICED and minimal improvement for those who did not if I remember#correctly)#what’s really frustrating is that lucid dreaming CAN help with creativity! I wished we focused more on the creative fun or philosophical#aspects that lucid dreaming can provide…
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▷ First Time?
Synopsis . When you get paired with the campus asshole, Sukuna, for a project, the last thing you expect to learn about him is that he’s a damn virgin. Nor did you expect to be the one to change that. / Pairing . virgin!Sukuna x fem!reader / Content . afab!reader, oral sex (m!receiving), premature ejac, non-curse college au, dirty talk, pet names, degrading, porn w plot, teasing, taunting, filth, etc. / wc . 6k
A/N: ty to the nonnie on my main who asked if I’d ever write virgin!jjk men :3 [MDNI]
Who would’ve thought?
Of all people, Sukuna, a virgin? It just didn’t make sense.
He was this stand-offish asshole who most people respected out of pure fear. He didn’t exactly do parties and yet you could always find him at one. He’d always have some chick on his arm or even in his lap so, in what world would anyone with a brain assume he’s actually never been inside a woman before?
And to make his lack of game all the more unbelievable, he’s even rumored to have a big dick— it’s like some overly well-known campus fact about the guy.
So, again, what reason would anyone have to think the guy was a virgin?
Certainly not you, of course. And you don’t expect to be the only person to find out such information either.
The way you find out is probably even more bizarre than the fact itself. You and him had little to no reason to ever interact with each other. You weren’t some shy nerd who holed herself up in her room all day or anything but you weren’t much of the party type other.
You were stuck somewhere in the middle of all that, vicariously living through some of your friends who had better things going for them.
As such, there was no real reason for you and Sukuna to cross paths. He never even had a reason to acknowledge your existence until the two of you are paired up together for a project in the one class you happen to take together.
——
The background noise is the chatter of your fellow classmates and their own project partners, you find your partner grumbling out a low, “What?” In response to your last statement, having hardly heard a thing you said.
“I said,” You huff, sitting beside the man in question as today marks week two of you being paired up with him for this semester’s project, “We should be meeting up outside of class too. We could get his knocked out in like a day if you just-“
“Oh that,” Sukuna cuts off casually. Seated all slouched back in his seat, his legs sprawled out in that signature manspread of his— he rolls his eyes at your little reminder, “You said somethin’ about that last week.”
You speak through slightly gritted teeth, fighting the headache he’s about to give you from this conversation alone, “All the more reason for you to take it into consideration. The faster we get this done, the less we have to deal with each other.”
As you say that, you glance at him only to find his eyes directly on yours already. He’s got such lazy posture, his head tilted slightly whilst he gazes at you so intently, and his big muscular arms folded across his chest. Even wearing a black hoodie and gray sweats, he still looks as attractive as ever— mean low-lidded crimson eyes locked on yours, tattooed face so beautifully defined, and rosy lips pulled into such an uninterested little frown.
Up until your words hit his ears properly, “The less we have to deal with each other, huh?” Sukuna repeats, narrowing his eyes even further at you, “You barely even know me ‘nd yet you want nothing to do with me already.”
“I know enough about you, Sukuna,” You say with a sigh, “And you hardly contribute to this project as is. Which only proves that everything they say about you is probably true.”
He arches a brow, his interest piquing, “And what exactly do people say about me?”
You let off a light scoff, “Don’t act like you don’t know.”
“But I don’t know,” Sukuna tells you honestly, maroon eyes boring into yours.
You stare for a moment as you try to decipher whether or not he’s being honest right now. How does he not know what people say about him? Everyone talks about his brooding personality very openly.
“They say you’re an ass,” You eventually say to the man.
To which his lips twitch into a slight smirk, “And you believe that?”
“Seeing as I’ve asked you to, at the very least, type your name on this document and you haven’t even done that yet,” You scoff, “Yes.”
The two of you mildly glare at one another for a moment before Sukuna leans up in his seat. Breaking eye contact for just a moment to look at his laptop, he swiftly moves to open up that shared document of yours and types his name out with a heavy sigh.
After which, he’s slouching back again and looking at you, “Don’t believe everything people tell you, woman.”
You roll your eyes at him, “What? Are you not fond of rumors? That still doesn’t negate the fact that you’re an assho-“
“When do you want to meet up?” Sukuna grumbles out almost reluctantly, watching the way you pause and swallow thickly as he catches you off-guard.
He’s almost even intrigued by how quickly you bounce back, despite being caught by surprise, “Friday. Are you free?”
“Unfortunately,” He grumps.
You give him a little shrug, “Good. I’ll see you then.”
And that was it. That was how each and every interaction with you and Sukuna went. Bickering back and forth about him not doing shit to help you with something that’ll affect your grade majorly, criticizing you about being too focused and needing to relax every now and then, and even calling you a stuck-up little brat one time— it was safe to say, you and Sukuna didn’t get along too well.
Not that you minded anyway. He wasn’t your first partner to care little about their grade so, you knew how to deal with these kinds of people by now. Typically, you indulge yourself in their craving to ‘relax’ just once and then they promise to start helping. You’ve gone down that path before and it’s worked for you then so you assume things will go the same way with Sukuna.
Plus, you guess you can give him a slight pass for his asshole attitude, at least he has a pretty face to look at. Dark ink always decorating his awfully smooth skin, deep dark yet beautiful ruby-shaded eyes boring into whatever it is his focus on, and broad shoulders looming over your smaller figure every time he stands in front of you— you can't help but feel both attracted and intimidated by the man.
——
Which is exactly why when you open your apartment door for the scheduled meetup that Friday to crane your head up at him, you’re swallowing thickly to settle your nerves. You’ve never been alone with the man so of course you’re a bit nervous.
Especially with the way he gazes down at you like that’s exactly where you belong: beneath him. His eyes are filled to the brim with intensity and yet he’s only just set them on you. Wearing a noticeable black compression shirt and those signature gray sweets of his, he almost appears as though he’d just come from the gym.
And just as you take in his appearance, he very openly takes in yours— his eyes raking over your body and taking in every single inch of you. After all, just as it was your first time alone with him, it was his first time seeing you dress so comfortably. He doesn’t even try to hide the way he stares at your tits peeking out from the rather thin spaghetti-strap top you were wearing, his eyes soon trailing down slowly to those tauntingly short shorts you had on.
“So,” Sukuna swipes his tongue over his lips and cocks his head to the side, hands stuffed in his pockets and eyes yet to lift from your legs, “Are you gonna stare at me all day or are you gonna let me in?”
You blink out of whatever little daze you were in, having found yourself gazing at his chest far longer than you meant to. It was right in front of your face after all, how could you look anywhere else? And his shirt was so damn tight, the fabric hugging his well-toned body perfectly, so much so that you swore you could make out piercings on his-
Sukuna leans forward suddenly, his face nearing yours to gain your full attention, “If you keep staring at me like that, I’m gonna assume you invited me over for something else-“
“Sorry,” You chirp out as you clear your throat and awkwardly step back a bit to let him in, “You can come in.”
Nodding, Sukuna slips by you and you shut your apartment door behind him. Then, you’re quick to lead him over to your living room where you’d previously been working on your project.
The two of you are hasty to take a seat on your couch, both of you only a few inches apart from one another whilst you lean toward your coffee table and log into your already open laptop. Sukuna’s eyes are all over you as always, studying your side profile, your intent focus on the screen in front of you, and even the way you-
“Did you even bring anything?” You suddenly ask before you glance at the man.
Sukuna quickly meets your gaze, ripping his eyes off of wherever they’d been previously, “Was I supposed to?”
“Sukuna,” You sigh out, “Please tell me you’re joking right now.”
He swallows at the mere sound of his name rolling off your tongue in that scolding tone of yours— he’s heard such a tone from you time and time again and yet, for whatever reason, it never seems to annoy him.
“I’m not.” He says plainly.
“How are we supposed to work on this if you-,” You cut yourself off and decide not to even attempt arguing with him. Arguing won’t change the fact that he showed up with nothing. “Just uhm,” You glance elsewhere for a second before an idea comes to mind and you place your laptop down and stand up, “Stay here.”
Sukuna doesn’t say anything. He merely watches as you huff and walk off, swiftly exiting the living room and disappearing down a nearby hall. He swears he finds himself looking at you a bit more than intended. Especially as you walked off, his eyes dropping to your ass and those damn shorts of yours.
Even when you’re out of his sight, he still finds himself staring in the direction of which you went, almost unable to look away for whatever strange reason.
That lasts for a few minutes until he snaps out of it and leans back against the couch, tossing his head back and letting out a long sigh. You soon return to find him with an arm stretched along the back of the couch, his legs spread as usual, and his eyes up on the ceiling.
He doesn’t even notice you’ve returned until he feels something placed in his lap. Looking down, Sukuna finds your laptop kindly set on top of him. To which his brows furrowed in confusion and he looked at you to see you sitting on the floor in between the couch and the coffee table with a paper and pencil in front of you.
“What’s this?” Sukuna scoffs.
You don’t even spare him a glance as you begin writing something down, “How we’ll get things done.” He opens his mouth to say something but then you’re looking back at him with a glare, “I already organized the parts of this project that you have to do so, since it’s on my computer, you can work on that and I’ll work with what I remember.”
You wholeheartedly expected him to find something about this to disagree with you on but, to your surprise, he simply nods and redirects his focus to your laptop immediately.
And then, the two of you work exactly like that for the remainder of that little study session.
——
Sukuna’s not terrible to work with when it’s just you and him. If anything, he’s rather cooperative and a lot smarter than he leads on.
Which is why a solid two hours of productivity flies by surprisingly smoothly with him. If you asked him a question, he answered. Told him to do something, he’d say something snarky, and then do whatever it is you’ve instructed anyway.
It all went so perfectly up until he let out a really heavy sigh, “Alright, I’ve had enough for this.” Sukuna says casually.
He’s been repeating a similar phrase every thirty minutes or so but he usually gets right back to work after getting ignored by you. This time though, you get the feeling he’s serious when he pushes your laptop off of his lap and places it forward on the coffee table.
It’s then that you frown, “Oh c’mon, we were getting so much done,” You comment as you glance back to him.
He shrugs, “I can’t keep looking at that damn screen, it’s giving me a headache.”
“Of course it is,” You utter sarcastically, rolling your eyes whilst you place your pencil down and throw your arms up to stretch, “Fine then, we can take a break.”
Sukuna’s brows lift in surprise. He didn’t expect you to listen to him, “Good.” He hums, “I was getting bored as well.”
You scoff, “Were you?”
“Yeah, can we do something else?” He asks.
Turning around, you rotate the way you’re sitting so that you’re facing him and your back is resting against your coffee table. “Like what?” You muse, meeting his low-lidded gaze.
“Talk,” Sukuna says.
That’s it? He wanted a break to talk to you? Your eyes are narrowing at him before you even realize, “Talk?” You repeat with a scoff, “Seriously?”
He nods, “Mhm.”
“What do you wanna talk about, Sukuna?” As you ask him that, you watch the way his eyes casually slide down to your lips.
Does he mean to be this indiscreet with his looks? Or is he eyeing you down like that on purpose?
The man shrugs, “Anything outside of fuckin’ school.”
You laugh at that, “Okay, I can work with that.”
He tilts his head at you and licks his lips, “Yeah?” Something about your little laugh threw him off.
“Mhm,” You hum as you look down at your hand, fiddling with your nails a bit, “The rumors… are they true?”
Thrown off yet again, Sukuna’s brows pinch together. “Rumors?” He echoes in a genuinely confused tone, “What rumors, woman?”
The sound of your scoff makes him stiffen in his seat. Almost in an instant, the atmosphere had changed suddenly. “C’mon, don’t play dumb,” You tease, lifting your gaze to him again, “The rumors about you.”
He gives you a perplexed look and it’s almost as though you could see the gears in his head turning. “If you know something, say it.” He demands.
You sigh, “Sukuna, do you seriously hear nothing people say about you?”
Sukuna shrugs, “I don’t care enough to remember. So what is it? What rumor?”
You’re just curious. You swear that’s all it was. And, naturally, since he seemed to have warmed up to you— of course you wanted to know if that rumor about his dick was true. You’re both adults and it’s just a silly question. Plus, with the way he’s been looking at you all afternoon, you’re sure he won’t mind answering you with a simple yes or no.
Glancing to the side, your shoulders lift a bit, “It’s uh, rather intimate.” You hush out.
Sukuna narrows his eyes at you, “Intimate?? An intimate rumor about me?”
His emphasis on himself makes your eyes flick back over to him. “Yeah, are you sure you don’t know what they say about you??” You ask again.
“Positive. Now speak, what is it they say?” Sukuna huffs impatiently, even more curious about this little rumor after the mention of it being intimate. After all, he’s never-
“People say you have a big dick,” You utter way too casually.
So nonchalantly that it makes him choke, a choke you don’t mess with the way he clears his throat and sits up a little. “What?” He rasps out.
You bat those stupidly false innocent eyes at him, “I didn’t stutter,” Your tone dips into something different and he catches every bit of it, “People say you have a big dick, is it true?”
Sukuna clears his throat and for the first time, he glances away from you. Then, he opens and closes his mouth, contemplating his next words carefully before they soon fall from his lips, “You wanna find out?”
His offer spurs a shift in your seat from you as you scoot closer to him ever so slightly, “You wanna show me?” You ask boldly, your tone direct, and not even a flicker of hesitation present.
“Do I want to-,” Sukuna pauses, his eyes scanning the entirety of your seated frame as you inch closer to him, “What?” He huffs, swallowing thickly.
You move to stand on your knees and lean forward to the couch, soon propping your chin up on your palm as you look at him, “Show me,” You chuckle, “I asked if you wanted to show me, Sukuna.”
He blinks, “Show you my cock?”
You shrug, “Yeah.”
The air is so thick right now, Sukuna’s not sure how exactly he can play this off without making a fool of himself. He gulps yet again, only to watch as your eyes start to drop down along his body.
“Stop,” He rushes out, “Keep your eyes up here. On mine,” He commands in a low tone, earning your gaze once more.
And then it’s quiet for a moment. He’s staring at you and you’re obediently keeping your eyes up on his. Sukuna hates it but he doesn’t know what to say or do from here. The last thing he wanted was for you to find out his little secret.
It’s like he was waiting for a fucking pin to drop, something to break the silence. Yet, his mind was going blank and words were failing him at the moment. He’s flirted with women before, plenty of times actually, effortlessly even— but for whatever reason, as you sit there with those stupidly pretty eyes staring at him, his mind simply flakes on him.
He’s like that for a minute longer until you move. So subtly too, sliding a hand to his thigh, leaning forward slightly, batting your lashes at him, “Sukuna?” You whisper.
His hips are rolling upward slightly at the sound of his name alone. “W-What?” He stammers, mentally cursing himself a thousand times over.
“If you don’t wanna show me you can jus’ say no,” You hum, smiling a bit, “Y’know that, right?”
He scoffs, “Of course I know that, woman.”
“If you know that then…” Your fingers lightly squeeze his thigh and you tilt your head, “Are you gonna tell me or show me whether or not those rumors are true?”
Something simply clicks inside Sukuna’s head. Rose-tinted lips cracking into a smirk, the man spreads his legs further and slouches back into the couch, “Find out for yourself since you’re so curious.”
Your eyes go wide, “What?”
Sukuna scoffs lightly, moving one of his arms from the back of the couch and placing his hand over his crotch. Of course, your gaze sinks down to his veiny hand, watching as he palms a stupidly large bulge in his sweats.
Your breath hitches a bit, “I-I-“
You don’t even get the chance to get it out before he’s cutting you off, “C’mere,” Sukuna hums in that low voice of his.
“What?” You whisper.
You and him make eye contact again and he nods his chin toward the space in between his legs. Nothing can really explain why you follow his gesture and quickly find yourself sitting in between his legs, taking a deep breath as you settle your hands on his thighs.
Sliding your touch up and up and up until your fingers graze his hand. The same hand that was resting on top of that aching bulge of his.
Sukuna slowly lifts his hand up and away, relaxing his arm on the back of the couch again as he stares down at you. Cocking his head to the side, “Well? Feel it.” He huffs.
You don’t even hesitate. Trailing your fingers upward carefully until you feel the outline of his cock beneath your fingertips, gulping as you drag your hand up to cup his length in your hand firmly, and smirking at the way his cock twitches furiously beneath your small touch.
Sukuna’s mouth falls open for a second but you’re too engrossed in feeling him to notice. He lets out a shuddered breath as he watches the way you grope his steadily growing erection. His head even tosses back and his fingers dig into the couch for a moment.
“It is big,” You whisper to yourself, your words only making him twitch more within your hand.
“Fuck,” Sukuna grits out lowly, hips unconsciously lifting to press himself further against you.
His curse earns your attention. You quickly glance up to him and see the way he’s got his head tossed back, Adam's apple bobbing with every heavy gulp he takes, and his chest rising and falling rather quickly.
You lift your hand carefully and decide to test something out. Slowly, you lean forward and just barely press your lips against his clothed cock.
Sukuna’s whole body reacts. He gasps louder than he means to and he’s weaving his fingers through your hair faster than he realizes, palming your scalp as he quickly looks down at you. “T-The fuck are you doing? Huh?” He huffs while gripping onto your hair.
You lift your head a bit but he keeps you in place, despite his question to you. “I just…” You’re not exactly sure you can explain yourself.
And by this point, Sukuna doesn’t think he cares enough to hear an excuse from you, “…You what? You wanna see it?”
All you can do is give him a little nod before he moves his free hand to the drawstring of his sweatpants. Then you're quick to help him tug them down until his boxers are revealed to you— a noticeable dampness in the fabric right where his leaking tip is. Was that because of you?
Before you can dawn on your own questions, Sukuna’s moving to tug his cock out. And fuck is he even bigger revealed before your eyes. With an upward curve, such an angry flushed tip, precum dripping from the slit of his fat cockhead, veins decorating his shaft and-
Shit, you were drooling. How’d you get like this again?? Ah, who cares?
“Sukuna,” You breathe out, ripping your eyes away from his cock just to look up at him.
He was almost panting, dark maroon eyes pouring down into yours, face flushed with different shades of red and pink, his lips parted softly— hell, he looked like he was in heat or something.
Gulping before he answers you, Sukuna clears his throat and his voice is already husky, “What?”
You shift against the floor, your hands relaxing against his large thighs, “Can I-“
“Yeah,” He cuts off. Lord knows if you got that question out he was going to lose his damn mind.
You raise a brow and lean forward, keeping your eyes on his while your lips near his tip, “Yeah?”
The last thing you get from him is a nod before you’re parting your lips. And from that moment forward, it all goes downhill. Everything from the way you’re sitting in between his legs to that initial connection of your plush lips against his drooling cock had Sukuna’s mind spinning.
He’s never been sucked off before. Hell, the farthest he’s gone as far as sexual activities are concerned is a little bit of dry humping. But this? Oh hell, this was his first time and he had zero idea how he was going to keep that information away from you.
Especially when he feels your tongue slip from between your lips and swirl around the head of his cock, kittenly lapping up that slim layer of precum sitting so prettily on his tip.
“Oh f-fuuck,” Sukuna groans huskily, the hand on your head gripping tighter.
You pull away from him slightly just to take in his expression and the way he tosses his head back. It was almost cute to you. The last thing you expected was for him to be so damn sensitive, you hardly did anything.
His sensitivity only worsens as you finally start wrapping your lips around his cock, feeling him throb when you sink your mouth down on him. Sukuna’s jaw goes slack and his brows twist up. He tries his best to hold it in but he can’t help but moan at the way you leisurely suck on half of his lengthy cock.
Your saliva wets up the rest of his shaft and you make up for what your mouth hasn’t reached yet with your hand, stroking him lightly whilst you take the rest of his girth in and out of your mouth. Rolling your tongue around him, pulling off just to messily spit and kiss on his blushing tip, and slobbering all over him— Sukuna almost fucking kicked something with how good your mouth felt around him.
He’s used his hand and other shit before but holy fuck, nothing, and he means nothing compares to that damn mouth of yours. The way you look with his cock stuffed right in between those lips he’s been staring at for God knows how long— your lips all slick with spit, eyes rolling back the deeper you take him, and tongue sticking out every time you pull your mouth off of him.
You soon slip your mouth off of him and start jerking him off, focusing your tongue on his tip and slithering the wet muscle in between the slit of his cock, lathering your tongue up with his glistening precum.
The sound of Sukuna groaning makes you look up at him, finding his eyes on yours again. He’s panting, trying his best to look like this wasn’t phasing him but failing in every way with how flushed his face was.
Your tongue sticks out and your hand continues to slide up and down his cock as you tap his tip on your tongue, making his brows twist up.
He bites back a throaty sound, “Hah… damn brat,” Sukuna huffs out as if to… degrade you?
You almost find it cute how clearly inexperienced he is, spitting a fat wad of spit onto his pretty wet tip and then smiling at him, “Sukuna,” You coo, your hand gripping his shaft tighter, “Is this your first time?”
He instantly looks off to the side, the veins in his neck and along his jawline tensing as he grits his teeth. Since he decides to ignore your little question, you take it a step further and slide your hand down his cock, gripping his thick base firmly before taking him into your heavenly warm mouth again.
His expression breaks completely, “Oh shit,” Sukuna moans, his hips bucking up into your mouth as you slide him deeper into your mouth than you did before.
Then his hand is pushing your head down further on instinct and he’s subtly rutting his hips up. You lift your head up despite his constant pushing, soon causing your head to bob up and down whilst you suck him off skillfully.
“Jus’ like that,” Sukuna suddenly groans and you moan around his cock in reaction. To which he keeps giving your mouth mindless little thrusts, “Don’t s-, agh, stop.”
Sucking him deeper and deeper before you move your hand completely, you suck in a deep breath of air through your nose, open up the very back of your throat, and sink all the way down, your lips meeting his pelvis as your eyes roll to the back of your head.
Sukuna kicks something. Probably your coffee table with the way one of his legs extends out so suddenly, a choked-out groan ripped from his throat as your little move was all it took for him to cum. And it’s so much too, hot thick ropes of cum spurting down your throat, his hand holding onto your head for dear life whilst a moan of your name rolls off his tongue.
You’re still sucking too, pulling up only to swallow what he’s gifted you and then stick your tongue out. Laying it flat against his tip, you leisurely lick at him as if to beg for more and now the man’s pushing your head away for the first time.
When you lift your eyes up to him again, you notice he’s got his tattooed arm over his mouth and his lashes are batting softly at you. For such a big man, he was so ridiculously cute right now. Panting, sweating, cursing under his breath as if you couldn’t hear him.
“Yeah,” Sukuna utters suddenly, clearing his throat, “That was… my first… time. I uh-“
“Do you want more?” Is the last thing you asked him before you were sitting back on your heels and he was stumbling to his feet.
You had to guide him through it of course but, Sukuna doesn’t hesitate to stuff your face full of his cock again. You take him so kindly too, obediently sitting there with your hands gripping his thighs for support with every careful thrust of his hips.
He was trying to be gentle with you at first. Partially because he didn’t know what the hell he was doing, and also because he just loved the initial entry into your mouth. Over and over, Sukuna slid his dick in and out of your mouth like he was possessed, addicted to the feeling of you greedily sucking on him.
He was still sensitive from his first orgasm but his cock had yet to go down— twitching inside that sloppy mouth of yours, aching against your tongue, and dripping into the depths of your throat. Sukuna wasn’t much of a talker but he damn sure let out a plethora of grunts and groans.
They were so husk too, coming from deep within his chest, some getting caught in his throat when he felt your tongue flick against a specific vein on the underside of his cock. His fat tip knocked into the back of your throat with a single heavy thrust before his hands were latching onto the sides of your head.
Again, he’s not much of a talker but, something seems to come over him all at once because soon he’s got his gaze locked down on the messy sight of you and he’s huffing out words before he realizes. “Eyes up here, c’mon, hah… look at me,” Sukuna grunts.
Your eyes are completely glossed over as they flutter up to him. A moan vibrates against his skin as you make such intimate eye contact with the man, feeling his hips pick up.
Sukuna nods, “Good girl,” He praises in a low purr, and fuck does that do wonders for you because your legs are squeezing together more than they were before and you’re whining against him. “Fuck, y’like that?” He huffs, earning a sloppy lil’ nod from you.
He then feels you hum, “M-Mhm.” And he’s got chills slipping up his spine in pleasure.
Cracking a lazy, lopsided, and almost fucked-out little smirk, Sukuna scoffs, “Yeah? Fuck, behind all those g-glares ‘nd-, agh, scolding me… this is all you wanted, hm? A throat full of cock?”
His words had you whining again, fluttering your lashes at him as your fingertips dug into his thighs a little. Sukuna eases his hips back slowly, tipping his head to the side as he gently caresses the side of your face with his thumb.
“Messy girl,” He hums deeply, biting his lower lip at the way you’re just drooling for more and more as he pulls himself out of your mouth completely. “Jus’ look at this face,” Sukuna chuckles, “Y’look like a slut cryin’ like that— it’s cute.”
Blinking, you hadn’t even realized you had a tear or two sliding down your face. Your mouth remains open for a second before he moves to rub his tip against your plump lips, smearing your spit and his cum all over the damn place with a little grin on his face.
“‘Kuna…” You whisper, earning a quirk of his brow, “I can’t believe you’re a virg-“
“Don’t finish that sentence,” He grunts, moving a thumb to your chin to widen how open your mouth is for him, “Jus’… keep sittin’ there lookin’ pretty f’me,” Sukuna says.
You roll your eyes at him and all he can do is smile, pushing his hips forward again and easing his cock in between your lips. He slides in slowly until you can feel him pressing right against the back of your throat. To which he keeps himself there for a second, testing that gag reflex of yours and watching your eyes water.
Moving his hand back to the top of your head, he buries his fingers in your hair, “So fuckin’ sexy like this,” Sukuna compliments, feeling you moan in response, “M’gonna cum again, stay j-just like that,” He breathes out heavily, his eyes rolling to the back of his skull before he’s throwing his head back.
And as if to coax his orgasm out, you carefully move a hand to cup his balls, sucking on his cock as best as you can and earning an accidental sound from his throat. The second your palm is felt against him, the moment he feels your tongue slicking against him, Sukuna whines.
Then his thighs are tensing and he’s groaning loudly as if to cover up the sound that just left his lips, filling your throat with his seed and then tugging your mouth off of him with a quick pull of your head. You’re quick to swallow for yet a second time, letting out a needed cough after the fact while he stumbles back just a bit, his calves hitting the couch.
“Vixen,” Sukuna growls.
You clear your throat and send a smile his way, “Not my fault you cum easy.”
Sukuna’s slow to sit back down on the couch to catch his breath, “Tell anyone about this ‘nd I’ll-“
“Oh,” You suddenly purr, cutting him off as you lift yourself up from the ground. He watches with slightly widened eyes as you move to straddle him, “Don’t tell me you thought we were done?”
He’s at a loss for words all over again, his confidence suddenly getting caught in his throat and flying out the window. Your hands slip to his broad shoulders and you lean forward a little.
Sukuna’s hands shakily find their way to your waist as he stares up at you, “You want more?”
You smirk, tilting your head at the dumbfounded male, “Don’t you?” You ask in a sultry little whisper, making his sensitive cock twitch once more. “At the very least…” Your lips slowly near his and he’s losing his breath, “Taste yourself, Sukuna.”
And then your lips are on his and he’s taking your tongue into his mouth. His grip on your waist tightens before he pulls you flush against him, feeling your crotch press right against his cock that’s steadily twitching back to life.
The two of you share a heated and messy kiss, your hips carefully swaying against him to encourage his returning arousal. You can’t really use curiosity as an excuse anymore, can you?
Well, you can. And you do with the way your hands slide down to his chest, your fingers slipping over his nipples to find exactly what you’d been curious about. You flick your fingers over his piercing there and Sukuna lets out a low hiss, prying his lips from yours and sending you a glare.
Not only did that little move of yours make his cock spring up completely but, you also notice the frown on his face.
Smiling at him, “Sukuna…”
“Don’t.” He huffs.
“You have nipple piercings?” You end up asking anyway in a happy little tone.
He grits his teeth slightly, “…Obviously.”
Chuckling, you press a soft peck against his lips and whisper, “Can I see them?”
“No.” He replies.
Part two.
#sukuna#sukuna smut#smut#sukuna ryomen#ryomen sukuna#jjk ryomen#jujutsu kaisen ryomen#jjk smut#anime smut#sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#sukuna ryoumen x reader#sukuna ryoumen smut#sukuna ryoumen x you#jjk#jjk x you#jjk x reader#jjk x reader smut#jjk x y/n#jjk x you smut#ryoumen sukuna#jjksmut#jujutsu kaisen smut
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Contemplating
#its 1:46am#i want nothing more than to draw my favourite guys#but i feel like I just can’t ever draw them the way I want to#i want to be able to do these poses in my mind#i want to draw the things that i want but it’s never good to be#art is supposed to take time sure but my brain physically won’t allow me to take time#i rush everything i draw because if I don’t i’ll forget it or get bored of it#and that means i’ll never actually like what I draw#Granted i likely wont like my art even when i put efforr#not to say i don’t put effort. my ‘doodles’ can take me hours to draw#i can’t doodle anything in less than 10 minutes#and 10 minutes is already cutting it short#i just want to be gay and make it look good#i want to be seen by people#i don’t want to be flooded with likes and no reblogs#i want my art worthy of revlogs without having to out reblog >>> like on everything#i want to be good ag this without needing to use up time#which is impossible#anyway#i forget that the DCA isn’t real and that they’re mostly just drawings that people make#bjt j really do love them so mich#like i want to cry because of how mcuh i love them#i wanna kiss their face and hug them and cuddle them and give them every ounce of love I have#(my love is infinite)
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