#i don’t know if this is coherent but i guess i had some pent up feelings abt this. this felt really good to write

[blushedfemmes]

ok but can we talk about how the current wave of resentment towards “pillow princesses” has become like. straight up femmephobia and people being weirdly shitty towards femmes online / calling us spoiled and damn near evil because butches wanna take care of us and how dare we

yes we can and we can also talk about how a lot of people use femmes as a receptacle for their unexamined internalized misogyny. i have experienced this directly from a masc queer partner in the past, and on a casual/subtle basis my entire life, both from cishet women and from fellow queer people. and i will go ahead and say this is a femme-specific problem (at least in the context of these posts) because people will often use the way we present and our mannerisms and what we might prefer in bed as an excuse to belittle us, because the urge to belittle women (or that which we perceive to be woman-shaped, consciously or not) is so prevalent. in other queer people it will come out as ‘well i just think they’re being selfish in bed, i think they’re being spoiled/entitled, i think they look childish and stupid dressed that way, i think they’re scared of looking queer, i think they’re dressing for the male gaze, i think they’re acting like a stereotype, (and especially if it’s a femme transfem) i think they’re being too binary-gender conforming and therefore oppressive/predictable/bad, etc etc’ and all this plus more for femmes of color whose femme expression doesn’t ‘make sense’ to any given white person or immediately read to a white person as queer or lesbian

and it really is about gut reactions and never about the truth. femmes often exercise a great deal of care in our interactions with butches or with anyone, and we often derive immense satisfaction in caring for our partners. of course femmes can be shitty. femmes can be selfish. we are an enormous and complex group of people and, furthermore, everyone is capable of causing harm, i know i have. but the times when i have personally experienced this brand of femmephobia it is almost always because of assumptions that people made because they already had a gut reaction to me and how i dress and what i like, and they’re making up reasons to justify it.

there is no end to the excuses people will make in their minds to justify treating femmes badly, because they saw a woman-shape and decided to use us as a dumping ground for internalized misogyny. and yes it is a particularly stinging betrayal, because it happens the most in our own queer communities, where we long to be accepted.

[3-dsimp]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Monster rule 101 pt2: Always get along with the Scarecrow

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Scarecrow! Hawks x fem farmer! reader

Cw: Humiliation, impact play, degradation, NFSW, monsterfuxking, exhibitionism, creampie, breeding, praise, fingering,

🔞 MDNI/ NO AGELESS BLOGS🔞

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It was a joyous Halloween night.

The children were prancing with delight at their collection of sweet treasure. While the parents took pictures to commemorate their night out round the neighborhood.

While you were out in about getting ready to be dicked down by the sexy scarecrow.

“Why dontcha present that sweet ass of yours for me like a good girl”

Keigo crooned, as he tapped his unnatural girthy shaft against the top of your forehead with a sleazy grin. Loving the view of you being tainted by his thick seed.

“Make me strawboy”

You huffed, as you began to wipe away the cum he defiled you with.

Now that you had some clarity of mind you thought coherently that even if you were out in the open there would be a low chance of you being spotted in the dark of night within the maze of cornfields.

Also if he tried to grab anyone’s attention which would be somewhat difficult as everyones currently occupied with the festivities going on. You’d just have to make sure to get the hell outta dodge which was easy given your athletic physic meant for doing a hard days of farm work.

Sure you felt a bit guilty for moving him against his will from his rightful post. But you refused to be led by the nose any longer especially not from a man whose job was to keep the crows away from your crops.

“Oh would you look at this cheeky farmer slut acting up.”

He hummed, amused and heavily turned on by your defiant antics. Damn you really knew how to get a scarecrow all riled up. Didn’t you know that being bratty is a major turn on for him?

“Not too long ago you were on your knees sucking my cock like a fresh whore but now you wanna act up, sweet thing?”

Just gazing into your defiant glare paired along with those full pouty dick sucking lips of yours was a killer combination. That only made him get harder than physically possible given his straw like constitution.

God he could get off just by looking at your beautiful face alone. And the urge to wank out yet another orgasm all over your face to make sure his balls didn’t back up with excess sperm batter was resurfacing.

But that wouldn’t be fun, he wanted to break you down. Make you cry and get you so addicted to his cock that you’d never get tired of worshipping and indulging in his seed.

“ I guess I’ll just have to slam my dick up inside that disobedient hole of yours and knock some sense into ya don’t I?”

Keigo sneered with a mean smirk plastered on his flushed face exposing his pent up arousal for you.

You knew from your previous experience that the scarecrow was unusually strong but you didn’t expect was for him to snatch you up by your kinky curls and steal your breath away. He was relentless in making sure that you didn’t have the time to recuperate from him passionately meshing his ravenous chapped lips against yours. Savoring the taste of your sweet lips with a flicker of his tongue swiping across your bottom lip.

Failing to recognize his rough hands avidly undressing you from your overalls exposing your skin to the cold autumn breeze. He continued to make out with you in tandem with his wondering fingers trying to find the source of wet heat that radiated from your aroused cunt only to swipe two fingers up against your mound.

“Mmh!”

you moaned in surprise as he continued to rub up and down against your moistened slit. Whilst biting your lip in order to have your mouth open so he can take the chance to do the devils tango with your tongue. Tightening the grip around your waist whenever you’d start to squirm from when he began to ease his fingers into you pushing the fabric of your lacy underwear deep inside your wet cunt.

“ Damn your pussy really wants to be filled huh? Squeezing my fingers so tightly. Shit, Ya wanna milk my dick that badly lil miss farmer?”

” Mmh As if your strawy dick ahn- it’d snap under the pressure”

“You wanna bet princess?”

Keigo purred into your ear his patience thinning the more he fantasizes about how good you’d feel wrapped around his dick. Gaining a good grip on your panties he decided to forcibly remove it from your person eliciting a beautiful whimper falling from your lips.

Not being able to contain his freverent excitement he lightly pushed you to the ground onto your back quickly caging you within his arms. Leaving you exposed to golden hawk like eyes that looked down at you in a sinful manner.

Damn did he know how to get a farmer girl weak in the knees. You couldn’t help but swoon from how devilishly handsome he looked licking his lips as he stared at you like you were his last meal on death row.

“What cat got your tongue baby? It’s a little too soon to be so distracted I need all your attention on me”

He nipped at your velvety skin grabbing the fat of your thick thighs as he propped them up on his shoulders shuffling his pelvis to interlock with yours so he could slide his heavy cock against the slick dripping from your clenching hole.

He teased the fat mushroom tip up and down your second pair of lips. Rubbing in his thick pre against the gaping pink flesh of your pussy that was spread open by his two thick nimble fingers which resembled a v shape.

As much as he wanted to get his dick covered in the honey like substance being produced by your sweet love canal. He wasn’t going to do anything until you starting acting like his proper farmer slut.

“W-what’s wrong strawboy you got cold feet?”

you scoffed.

Trying to act as if you were still the one in control when in actuality the heat from the previous romp in the cornfields. Left you yearning for more despite your brain telling you to run away from the animated scarecrow. That oddly resembled more of a man made of flesh than a man made of straw.

”Oh baby I’d love nothing more than to be buried deep to the hilt inside your needy dripping cunt…”

He whispered huskily into your neck.

“But I have no intention of fucking a spoiled brat who can’t even ask me nicely for what she so desperately needs.”

You reeled from his bold remark with a low whine bubbling from your throat. As he continued to tease and prod at your winking hole and use his other hand to stimulate your budding clit.

Keigo bit his lip in concentration with every slight push of his plump tip dipping cruelly in but not all the way inside of your wavering cunt. Fuck just pressing his cockhead against your hole was gonna make him blow his load. The slick sounds of his lewd ministrations were replaying like a broken record in your head.

Oh how you wanted him to scratch that aggravating itch he planted deep within your heated molten core. But would your pride allow you to stoop so low as to beg the cocky scarecrow to fuck you into oblivion?

Yes, yes it would.

It was almost as if the both of y’all were in the midst of losing your minds. However, you were the first to break as you grabbed at his ratty clothes to look up at him with pleading teary eyes. While grinding haphazardly up into his evading cock.

”P-please..”

”Please what sweetheart?”

”P-please fuck me! I need it! I need your dick inside me right now-“

Before you could even finish your pleas Keigo roughly locked his lips with yours. pushing his tongue inside to taste every inch of that pretty mouth that had once swallowed his seed. Before he pulled back briefly with a loud smack to give you a look full of adoration and love.

”That’s my good girl”

He rasped before pulling his hips back to shoving his throbbing shaft deep inside your gushing cunt. The amount of force he used made all the air from your lungs evaporate into a wordless scream. You could literally feel him in your stomach his dick imprint becoming alarmingly present as you looked down between your conjoined bodies.

Pounding into you as if he couldn’t contain the primal need to ravage you with his cock over and over again. Using your lovely whorish moans as fuel to keep pumping his hips into your soaking heat. Whiling enjoying the view of you bending to his will breasts bouncing wonderfully as tears of exhilaration ran down your face as you finally started getting fucked for all of what your worth.

” You feel so good wrapped around me fuck I’ve been waiting for you for so long to come to this farm I’m glad the wait was worth it.”

He murmured softly to himself as he began to grope and tweak at the dark areoles of your full tits that bounced at every thrust of his hips. His long deep strokes kept you on the precipice of a long awaited climax feeling his thickened pre cum fill you up in ways you never imagined.

”Yes that’s it keep taking my cock just like that sweetness I need to fill you up real good to make up for all the times I haven’t been able too.”

As Keigo continued to punish your overstimulated cunt into completion a puddle of fluids collected from beneath your connected bodies. Which mainly consists of the leakage of thick pre cum and your juices. Making it all the more apparent to hear the wet audible smack of his balls against the fat of your ass.

How long has it been when the two of you starting fucking like wild animals? Cuz as of right now you could barely remain conscious with how much cum he bullied into your tight walls.

“N-no more…ish too muchh”

You slurred. While Keigo was humping his 3rd recent load into your puffy cunt from behind since he had half the mind to manhandle you into the doggy position because he figured you were uncomfortable being flat on your back pumped to the brim of his gunky seed.

”Shhh you’ve been sucha good girl for me I’m almost done. I just need ta make sure that you’re full to the brim of me baby”

Like a madman possessed he was obsessed with emptying out his breeder balls into his pretty farmer girl until nothing was left. Leaving your skin marred with love bites and hickeys. He managed to find purchase on your love handles to ram in his meat within the depths of your cunny kissing the head of your overfilled cervix with an oncoming wave of his baby batter.

“Shit Imma cum, imma cum inside your slutty pussy ahh fuck here it comes! Take it all!”

Keigo groaned loudly as he slumped over you. Your legs had given out awhile ago so he had to hoist you up by your hips to rut further against your rump. Making sure all the cum threatening to overflow is plugged in throughly within your overused snatch.

Wrapping his arms around your middle he pulled you up into his lap to lay against his chest. Your head falling back into the crook of his neck with a peaceful expression. Smiling softly at your soft snores Keigo brushed his lips against your cheek in a faux kiss.

”I think we’ll get along just fine my cute lil farmer”

[miabrown007]

loose lips sink ships — ch 3.

Adrien is sleep deprived. And touch starved. And lovesick. Coincidentally, napping in Ladybug’s arms cures all that.

But what cures the complete and utter meltdown it causes when your partner thanks you for sleeping with her?

fic inspired by a collection of @curlymakingswirlies' art <3

loose lips sink ships (6,409 words, 3/4 chapters, Teen)

Adrien wasn’t tired anymore.

If anything, he vibrated with energy, way over his head. A sensible explanation for why he didn’t notice the storm clouds that sneaked up on the city during his patrol until it was already too late. He couldn’t get home in the downpour. (Not even mentioning how unsuiting and letting his pent up energy over today’s events be slaughtered by Plagg’s unimpressedness didn’t rank high on his wish-list.)

In the light of these, he didn’t mull over it much whether, or whether not, seeking shelter under the overhang on Marinette’s balcony was his brightest idea ever. Not that he was an unwelcome guest there, or the girl wouldn’t have invited him in without any fuss, but lately his monthly visits had turned into multiple times a week, and he didn’t want to abuse her hospitality.

However, if he didn’t make a sound, she would never even know he was there.

Who could have foreseen that dancing in place — in an attempt to pass the time, and as a substitute to running around rooftops, chanting ‘Ladybug-is-in-love-with-me!’ — would cause some noise? Like the shatter of a mint plant’s pot on the tiles?

Although he was without the unhelpful guidance of a Lucky Charm, Adrien tried to clean up. He swore under his breath as he only seemed to spread the soil around the tiles more. (He may have legally been prohibited from saying the f-word — really, it was part of his model contract — but he was a cat of many talents. A decent vocabulary, and thus the ability to find loopholes very much belong to his assets.)

Probably due to these totally unpredictable complications, the skylight banged open, and a blob of midnight emerged on the ladder. “I swear, if the lady next door keeps forgetting to let the window open for her cats when it’s raining like this—”

Marinette came to a sudden halt, and stared directly into Adrien’s soul. He stared back, a potsherd in one hand, a handful of dirt in the other.

“Hi!” he croaked out.

She crossed her hands over her chest, a smirk tugging on her lips. “Looks like my hunch was right. It is a cat after all.”

“Caught in the flashlight,” he chuckled awkwardly. He made a new, valiant attempt at cleaning up, but the soil only ran out between his fingers. “I’m sorry about the plant. I just wanted to seek shelter from the rain, and there was an… accident.”

“Don’t worry about it! I’ll take care of it tomorrow,” she said. “But you could have just knocked on the door, you know.”

“I didn’t want to disturb,” he said sheepishly.

(His reservation had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he wasn’t sure, in his current state, he was capable of holding a coherent conversation that went beyond ‘Ladybug the most girl ever’. Absolutely nothing!)

“What are you talking about? You’re never disturbing, Chat. Now, come on in, or you’ll catch a cold!” She waved with her hand — a weird gesture, but most likely an invitation nevertheless, since there weren’t enormous flying bugs in the night air to be chased away.

Adrien hesitated only for a second before he kicked off his boots, in order to avoid getting her sheets dirty. He climbed through the skylight and settled on her bed, his legs comfortably stretched out. The fairy lights hung up all around her bed only provided a dim light, but even Marinette — who didn’t have super senses — could see just fine. Her smirk at the neon-green toe beans on his socks was enough indication of that, even if she didn’t comment.

“I’m guessing you didn’t plan your night like this, but if you have to pass the time anyway... Do you want to play?” she proposed.

She extended her little finger, and searched for his eyes, waiting for him to meet her. He did, and they shook on it, like always. It was the inter-good-friends-only-you-don’t-know-just-how-good abbreviation of ‘I swear to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth’.

Adrien grinned. “You know that I always want to play! Truth or dare?”

[read the whole chapter on AO3]

[afictionalwhore]

Mr. Tough Guy

A/N: this is for my dear friend @libiraki as a sort of pick-me-up for bad days 💞 it’s my first time actually writing for Dabi and not messing around so I was nervous af writing for the Dabi Queen 🥺

TW: ??? Soft Dabi???

Word count: 2K

•┈┈┈••✦♡✦••┈┈┈••┈┈┈••✦♡✦••┈┈┈•

You rolled on your side to glance at the clock. Glaring electric numbers and letters taunted you back—2:36 A.M. Dabi wasn’t coming home again tonight. You knew you couldn’t get mad at him; it was Shigaraki always sending him out on ridiculous missions. But you were much too afraid of voicing your complaints to the temperamental man-child, so you contended yourself with being mildly annoyed at your pyro boyfriend. You sighed before pulling his pillow across the bed and over you, spooning it and breathing in the lingering scent.

You were almost asleep, when you felt the mattress dip beside you. Warm, rough arms wrapped around your small frame, pulling you into a lean chest. You felt the gentle tug of staples on the thin shirt you were wearing, shaking you awake just enough to be coherent. 

"So you finally decided to come home?" you sleepily grumble, refusing to turn over to look at him.

A husky, smoke-heavy voice hummed from behind you before you felt Dabi nuzzle his face gently against your back, careful not to hook any more of his staples in your clothes. You were annoyed enough at him coming home so late without him accidentally ripping your shirt or staining it with blood from his charred skin. Dabi breathed you in. 

"You're wearing my shirt, doll," he said, grateful that you were turned away so you wouldn't witness the blush dusting his unscarred cheeks. "You must have really missed me." 

"Don't flatter yourself," you replied. Knowing how much he loved seeing you in his clothes but being unsure of when exactly Dabi would home, you had been going to sleep in his loose shirts. The large scoop neck did next to nothing to hold in your boobs, and the hem typically reached your midthigh standing, rolling up to barely come over your ass in your curled position, a fact that did not go unnoticed by the man himself.

“No, Dabi,” you huffed as he began to slowly grind into your ass. “You stink. How long has it been since you had a bath?”

“How long have I been away again?” You could hear the smile in his voice. Dabi never took a bath without you to help him. Bathing Dabi after a long mission quickly became one of your favorite activities. He knew this and was absolutely using it to get back on your good side, though you didn’t mind the fact at all. His latest excursion was almost two weeks, and you wondered how his league mates could stand him for so long.

“Go warm up some water and get some wash rags.” You told him. 

“Yes ma’am!” Dabi pressed a chaste kiss to your cheek before rolling off the bed, the mattress springs giving a low groan with the shifting of his weight. 

As you rose from your comfy position, swinging your legs over the side of your bed  and planting your feet on the cold floor, you remembered the first time you had given Dabi a bath. 

You had, simply put, a rough day at work. You knew that when working retail, most days would be simply not good, but that day really took the cake. Somehow the blame for everything landed on you, despite the problems originating in different departments. Your fuse was blown short when a middle aged woman insisted she knew more than you, screaming that she wanted to speak to your manager and accusing you of "withholding" items from her when you didn’t take her expired coupon for an item that she didn’t have and you didn’t carry. Somehow "ma'am, we don't even have a back to check. I’m sorry," escalated into "you dumb bitch can't get laid and has to take out her pent up frustration on retail workers." Needless to say, your boss did not appreciate the comment, and you were told you had to be "let go", as though he was trying to break up with you gently instead of firing you.

 You would much rather go out and get something to eat on days like this. Chicken nuggets, fries, something greasy and comforting. Unfortunately for you, you and Dabi had recently started a budget, after a scare of not making rent due to spending too much on delivery and takeout. With your newfound unemployment, you decided the wisest decision would be to just go home and take out your frustration on some poor helpless rice cakes. Spicy but simple was perfect for the day you were having.

That’s what led to you hunched over the stove, saibashi in hand, viciously stirring the bright red sauce into the cylindrical gooey rice cakes.

“I need your help,” Dabi had said, appearing in the small entryway between the kitchen and your bedroom. 

You stopped your stirring. Dabi needing help meant one of two things: he needed to hide a body or he wanted a blow job. After the day you had, you were in no mood to play any of Dabi’s games. You turned fast to face the man, almost giving yourself whiplash and pointing your chopsticks at him as though you would stab him if he didn't choose his next words very carefully. Dabi took a step back and raised his forearms up in surrender.

“What do you want?” you practically growled at the man, shaking your chopsticks and dripping red sauce on the floor below.

“Do you think you could help me take a bath?”

Your eyes went wide with shock before realization of his request set in, and your features immediately softened, the muscles holding you tense relaxing, as Dabi gazed at you with a shy, almost sheepish, expression. You gently set the poor saibashi that were about to snap in your grasp down on the counter beside the stove.

“Okay, baby,” you said, smiling at him, the corners of your eyes crinkling, tears threatening to spill over at his sweet request. “Of course! Why don’t you go get some warm water and a soft rag?”

Since then, Dabi would every so often request help with a bath. It was always something that he had to be the first to mention. This was a side of Dabi you cherished. It was like watching the hummingbirds sip from the nectar feeder outside your window. To ask of it yourself felt almost akin to trapping the bird and keeping it under lock. He would never tell you what it was that made him finally decide to look more after his hygiene. You had the slight feeling that it was his insecurities settling in. Everyone in Dabi's life had abandoned or used him, and you had deduced that he feared you would leave him if he didn’t start to take better care of himself. The scent of light cherry blossoms and sweet peaches radiated from you while he smelled of rotting flesh and old cigarettes.

You made your way to your bathroom, a typical affair for a tiny Tokyo apartment, but it was just enough for you and Dabi. You pushed the sliding glass shower door open and stepped in, knocking over a few almost empty bottles, still clad in just Dabi's white t-shirt. 

He sat on a small stool placed in the center of the shower, glancing up at you as you slid the door open. The seat was just a little too small for him, forcing his knees to bend awkwardly up to his chest as he slouched back over. You drank in the sight of him. From the scars that decorated his chin and the top of his chest, forearms, and legs to the gleam of the staples that just barely held him together. You loved everything about him, despite the patchwork of purple scars that littered his body. You had a feeling deep down that despite his rough exterior, Dabi was insecure about his body. When you had met, he smelled of rotting flesh and cigarettes, and while he still retained the smoke smell, you figured that he began to grow self conscious over how you may have perceived him. 

You started with his face, dipping the soft rag into the bucket of warm, soapy water Dabi had made before pressing it gently over his closed eyes. You made your way around Dabi's face, lightly patting the warm, damp rag against his skin.

Dabi made a small hum in the back of his throat as you made your way to washing his neck, the same gentle patting motion you had used to wash his face. 

"That feels really nice, doll," he sighed.

You moved on to his arms, starting with his right shoulder and gently nudging him to rotate his arm. With as many times as you have done this now, it didn’t take much for Dabi to pick up on your wordless request. You worked your way down his arm and back up, wringing the rag out to run down the drain before dipping it into the clean, mildly soapy water to start washing his left side. 

As you repeated your gentle motions on his left arm, you noticed Dabi staring off. He looked deep in thought, enough to worry you as Dabi usually had a sharp tongue during his baths, hoping to stir you up and enjoying watching your face flush with embarrassment at his crude words on what he planned to do to you to repay you.

“You tired?” you asked, a small smile crossing your face.

“Mmmm” Dabi nodded. “Yea, I guess.” You decided not to push it and rang out the rag again so you could move on to his chest.

As you pat the damp rag onto his collarbone, careful not to let the charred skin get any more damp than what was necessary to keep him feeling fresh and clean, you heard Dabi mumbling.

“What was that?” You looked up at him, eyes wide in fear that you had hurt him. Dabi was still staring off to the side.

“I’m sorry,” Dabi murmured, barely audible despite your closeness. “For being away from you for so long.” He still refused to look at you.

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Was Dabi really apologizing? And for something that deep down you both knew wasn’t truly his fault. The Dabi you knew would never, even if bathing Dabi did tend to bring out a softer side of him. You were dreaming. You had to be. You had fallen asleep, waiting for Dabi to come home, and ended up dreaming of bathing your lover. 

“I mean it,” Dabi whispered, looking down at you with bright blue round eyes more befitting of a small husky puppy than a wanted arsonist. "I'm sorry. You put up with so much from me. You could have left at any time while I was away, but you didn't. You just kept waiting and trusting I'd come back." Dabi took in a deep breath. "I think I love you."

Despite his frightening exterior, Dabi was truly quite soft; he just often had trouble expressing that softness. Bathing Dabi brought out a side of him that only you saw, a sweet, lonely man who so desperately wanted to open up to someone but was afraid of being abandoned or worse, betrayed. This was who Dabi really was underneath his tough guy shield. This was the Dabi that you loved. Something must have happened while he was gone to make him really open up to you like this, but you didn’t want to pry; Dabi would share in his own time. Just hearing those three little words was enough for you.

You tried your best to stifle your tears, ducking your head down and dropping the rag in a pitiful attempt to hide your tears. 

“Aw damn,” nothing got past him. “I went and fucked up again didn’t I?”

“No,” you started, sniffling lightly. “No, Dabi. I’m just really happy you’re home. I love you, too.” 

“Hurry up, would ya!” Dabi tried to bark, an attempt to gain back his tough guy act. “You've still got my whole bottom half to do, and I’m getting cold over here!” 

You couldn't help but giggle at him, pressing a sweet peck to the scarred part of his cheek and fully enjoying the blush that crept up the rest of his face.

[grimoireofwritings]

Hi! Could i get a nsfw scenario where William masturbates for one night thinking about his fem s/o?

.......

So here's me, casually appearing randomly from the void to finally post this months later 0_0

I'm so sorry y'all, mental health has been in the gutter lately and suffering from major heart and brain damage at age 21 is just not a fun gig. Nonetheless, I hope this was worth the wait, you thirsty hoes >.<

Warnings: smut, light femdom ( I headcanon William with a lean towards sub )

Scenario: William's female s/o walks in on him jerking off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Guilt.

It was all William could really feel in that moment. Well, aside from a general, looming sensation that had been plaguing the poor gentleman for a while now. It made his stomach all fluttery and nauseous with two completely contradicting urges... Which didn't result in a good state to rest in, as he lay propped up on his simple bedroom mattress. It had even prevented him from getting proper sleep lately. One such part of the equation was his complete and utter shame, which replayed punishing thoughts in his mind on repeat... Mentally battling with himself on how wrong it was to think such filthy things about a woman so pure and angelic. A body like that, he could easily imagine it sculpted from marble like the most honored and beautiful of Goddesses in ancient times. Every curve, and the warmth of that soft skin that he could dream of... How could he ever imagine desecrating it? Dirtying it, and perhaps staining it with his intent?

Apparently he could, and he did... Quite frequently. Such horrendously ungentlemanly thoughts popping into his mind had him mortified with himself.

For this reason, he kept his uncontrollably growing desires a secret from his partner. It seemed to him that she was comfortable with their current level of intimacy in their relationship, therefore.. he would remain quiet and allow her to call the shots. It had always been this way, with him considering himself lucky to have her in his life at all, what with a face like his... As well as his history. So he kept quiet, allowing her to make all the first moves so as to not make her uncomfortable. Despite the longing and craving he had for her, and the shame it brought him, he would suppress every last desire, and would never utter a word or clue about it.

It was getting harder however, every passing day. More and more challenging not to notice the lump in his throat when he had to refrain from staring at certain parts of her in particular outfits, and keep his hands from wandering over the perfectly smooth plains of her thighs, or even passionately gripping on to those breasts that took his breath away.

He gave a slight audible whine, there in his bed, tortured by these thoughts popping up once again.. because once they started, they couldn't stop. This time around for some reason it was particularly agonizing to ignore the growing need in his pajama pants, which was legitimately painful to disregard at this point. He'd end up sweating, palms gripping on to the sheets, as he refused to touch himself to the thought of her. Absolutely not... Never.. he could never be so degrading and perverted towards someone who deserved only the highest respect.

Even as he told himself this for the millionth time, the words had been losing their influence that week, and it was at that moment that he caved, giving a strangled whimper of regret whilst his right hand crept under his waistband. From that point on his vision went blurred and brimmed with red, framing pictures in his mind that could only consist of her.

And goodness was that woman breathtaking. He somehow felt starved for a touch he'd never quite experienced before with her... A deep craving as he could practically feel those lips of hers, divine and smooth like rose petals, grazing over his sensitive neck. Would she perhaps moan his name out softly into his ear, as his hands wrapped around her rear to slip a finger between her wetted and ready slit? Yes... Not only could William picture it, but he could almost feel it, too.

Hands, on her velvet skin, squeezing and caressing here and there.. her labored breaths brushing past his cheeks. By this point William had thoughtlessly worked up the courage to start stroking himself, his movements terrified and shaky, slow but gradual. The tortured man could not help himself.. he really couldn't. Despite the fact that he felt like an atrocious person, that previously sick feeling in his stomach was being replaced by mind splitting pleasure.

Warmth.. so much warmth he was feeling down there, in fact it was warm enough now that it was exactly what he imagined her hot, inviting mouth would feel like. This time he let out a soft but much more discernable moan, a couple of lost syllables and stutters rolling off of his lips as he imagined her tongue massaging in place of where his fingers currently were. He vaguely had a couple of thoughts warning him he should stop soon... She'd be back in their shared room any moment now, after finishing up her nightly chores around the headquarters. But he was way too far gone, and foggy in the brain, to give a damn and have the self control to even do so.

Not to mention, the slightest surfacing of precum wasn't helping, given that it added a slight lubricant to the situation and really solidified the illusion in his mind he'd created for himself. His greatest fantasy would be to have her ride him, perhaps..

Absolutely. Just her, in all of her glory, above him and in her rightful place where he could worship and adore from below. The image alone of her hair framing an expression of ecstacy like a curtain, eyes hazy with pleasure all because of him, whilst he allowed his hands to boundlessly wander over every surface of her divinity.. maybe his lips would latch on to her skin and travel down to a breast, all the while drowning in her sounds.. it was enough to drive him mad in the most beautiful way possible.

By that point, poor William Vangeance was too far gone to even notice the barely audible creaking of the door whilst his girlfriend stepped inside their now shared room. A slur of pathetic, whiney mumblings and moans were leaking out into the air for her to hear in utter shock, as well as her name whispered breathlessly to confirm that he was, in fact, masturbating while thinking of her.

"William? What are you doing?"

It was about as sudden as flipping off a light switch. Light to dark in an instant.. except this time it was his voice and his movements. In the dim room, the only light source being a small candle which cast an orange glow on his face, she could make out a look of complete panic, his entire frame completely paralyzed in his position. Had he gone catatonic?

While she had found the display amusing, she was now distracted, more worried about him than anything else. "Love? Are you alright? This isn't very expected of you.." she trailed off, but before she could finish, William snapped out of his trance, causing her to gasp and glance up at the unexpected tone of his voice.

The poor man could hardly form any coherent words in his next jumbled sentences, sometimes the only noticable parts being things like "I'm so sorry for-" and "I will get my things and go out to the front room couch for the night-" to which his partner was dumbfounded by his amount of panic. In fact, William looked to be on the verge of tears, utterly destraught, much to his partner's worry and dismay. However.. she figured she could easily fix this.

Sauntering over to him, she sat beside him on the bed, placing a finger to his lips in an instant to hush him. Leaning forward to speak directly to him, she could tell he thought he was in for a scolding, but what came next had his jaw practically hanging from its hinges in a gape.

"Touching yourself without me here to take care of your needs? You've got some nerve doing my job for me, Captain William Vangeance. I was surprised you hadn't asked me sooner for favors quite like the ones you were probably just imagining.. but now that I know you've been naughty and doing this in your own time, don't expect any mercy from me tonight. I'll prove to you why I'm far more efficient than your right hand. And I'd better not see this again."

She gave a cheeky smirk, completely digging that expression he was wearing. He 100% never would have guessed such lewd words could ever come out of her, and honestly, it already had his entire body lighting up with heat. That confidence from her.. the domineering and sexy edge to her lips, curled into a dark sneer.. it was all blindingly amplified the moment she straddled over him, looming over his body to speak in a low tone towards his ear. "Are you prepared for me to devour you?" She asked.

This was really doing it for him, and he caved, his pent up desire mixing with his excitement and impatience of the moment... Unable to handle the anticipation. As a result, he resumed, feeling already quite close to an orgasm as he frantically jacked himself off with her weight and presence above him. He just... Couldn't wait anymore. And she was too dazzling, too seductive, much too hypnotizing with those devilish words.

"You have the audacity to continue right after what I just said? Bold move, Captain. Either I underestimated you or you're fucking desperate for me. Which one is it? Care to share with me? If you do, perhaps I will let you off the hook... A bit."

"Y-y/n... P-please! L-let me-"

His begs and pleas were interrupted by a deafening, breathless, gasping cry as he came on the spot, a few whimpers following in a perfect sequence as the white hot pleasure seized violent hold of his body, almost aggressive in nature after having been repressed for so long. Panting, he watched his partner witness his helpless and needy state, almost amplifying the experience to a degree.

She was dead quiet, watching with sharp eyes and an intensity in her stare as he slowly came down from the high, body naturally going limp with exhaustion and his breathing evening out. He chuckled sheepishly then, eyeing her with a noticable hint of anticipation and excitement in his gaze, slightly curious if she'd follow through with her previous promise. "B-better to ask forgiveness than p-permission, right?" He tried meekly, biting his lip at that irresistible smirk returning to her face.

"Incorrect" she stated, which set his nerves aflame yet again.

"See... You're the one who wanted me so bad, aren't you? I honestly had no idea... Especially with how shy you are, I was waiting, but it seems you've made me wait longer than necessary. Not to mention, after directly disobeying me, you owe me a couple rounds. Understood? You'll bear with it like a good boy... And I'll be sure you enjoy it too."

There.. that softer look in her eyes at that last statement, despite how perfectly and wonderfully dominant she was - it made his heart melt. William found it very comforting that he didn't have to take charge right away and that she was naturally the one in charge in such an environment - he spent so much time worrying, being afraid, stressing, overthinking, and telling people what to do... That giving up control to someone he trusted was just a complete relief.

"Yes ma'am," he stated, having gained back some composure. "I'll do my best to endure whatever my goddess intends to give me.. please allow me to touch and praise you."

"Good boy," she cooed, encouraging his words of loyalty, as she slowly lowered herself to gently and sensually take him into her mouth to start off. Almost immediately, a tortured cry of overstimulation escaped him, but at the same time it felt completely euphoric.

It occured to William that one of the best nights of his life was about to take place, so he closed his eyes, and placed a hand down on the head bobbing over him.

~end~

[sleepdeprivedheretic]

Heart of the Wild (Ch.2)

Notes: Originally it was suppose to be two Chapters, but alright, three. Apparently tigers can’t purr in real life? Well in this fic, he can bc of reasons.  I just wanted to add in Izuku being the adorable, helpful younger “brother” that he is in the fic :3

Warnings: Consensual smut. Like, right in the beginning when you first start reading, there’s some self stuff, but that’s about it.

He bit the back of his hand, pupils blown wide as he let out a growl of frustration. He was far, far away from his hut, but the lingering smell of an omega’s heat, could be carried away from miles. He tried not to let his mind wonder, to let his frustrations and pent up sexual desires get the best of him.

Of course, he had felt guilty, wanting to just fuck and claim the rabbit as his, but he refused. She wasn’t coherent, they were strangers, and he rather crawl in a trench and never see the sunlight again, than to take advantage of somebody like that.

His trousers were looped around his ankles, letting the chill of the cold air hopefully douse out the heat of his lust-filled mind. Ever since traveling far away from his parents, everyone was too scared to touch him, lest look at him in that sort of manner. Those who he was close to, he saw as sons and family, they were never close to the rabbit’s image that popped into his head, at this moment. He hissed, finding his hands wrapped around himself, tugging at the head as his hips moved on their own whim as he leaned forwards against the tree.

This was dangerous, he knew. Elbow in front of his face as it rested against the bark of the wood, he bit his bottom lip in a growl, letting the feral beast in which was his pent up lust, consume him. Although his length was barbed, it was soft flesh that didn’t hurt his hand. He knew that it was mainly a purpose to keep seed within the womb, not to hurt, and with that thought, his hips stuttered before he quickened his pace, thumbing the head as precum leaked out, letting his imagination run wild, before the guilt would settle in.

 Would she be shy? Or tell him bluntly in what she would want? He shouldn’t even be thinking of her like this, but it was tough not too, him having the primal urge to just wreck the omega in all of the right ways, preferably with a mating bite. He bit the back of his fist, hissing as his hips stuttered, painting the poor tree white with the gunk of his shot.

It wasn’t his first thought, or usual way of marking his territory, but it would have to do, for now.

…………

Sunlight had poked through the hut at this time. You, being freshly tired and worn out, had tried your best to feed the fire with what wood had been there. As for the bedding, you didn’t have an inkling on what to do with it, deciding to set it aside with your shame and guilt, and yet, relief.

A slow, slight knocking, had rung on the door, snapped you out of your thoughts as you froze with fear.

“U-um! Excuse me! My name’s Izuku! Tai-chan sent me here to check up on you!” A squeak on the other side announced, and your shoulders relaxed at the familiar name. He, like you, was a rabbit omega, if anything, he would be immune to your scent, and could help tidy up.

“Come in.” You announced after making sure that you were clothed well. The door creaked open slowly with shaky hands, a mop of green hair, eyes, twitching ears, and a freckled face peeked in as his scent, sweet grass mixed in with a slightly spicy tone, wafted towards you.

“Oh, good, you’re dressed and coherent!” He sighed with relief, inviting himself in, holding a bucket full of wool blankets, as well as a walking stick. Before you could speak, the other rabbit jumped in, first.

“Oh, gosh! I bet he didn’t say anything about this, didn’t he? I think Tai-chan knew what he was getting into when caring for an injured, heated omega, but he probably didn’t tell you that it was okay to get things a bit messy. Messes like slick are easily to clean, luckily, thus I brought the bucket. Oh! You must be hungry! There should be some leftover stew, Tai had said!” The dwarf rabbit rambled, his short ears twitching with excitement as he laid out spare blankets out from the bucket, as well as a hairbrush, twine, soap, a spare tunic, and a small jar full of a dark green substance.

He handed you the stick, rushing over towards the still bubbling stew as he hummed excitedly, introducing himself.

“Omegas are pretty rare, did you know? So I hope that we become good friends! The bucket is to drawl water from the nearest stream, and we can wash those dirty sheets, as well as you take a bath. Thus the hairbrush and twine, so you can put up your hair, if you want.” He explained, glancing at you with a sweet smile as he plopped several spoonfuls of soups into two separate bowls.

You thanked him, telling your name and your story as the two of you ate, talking between swallowing bites of food. The cheerful omega was younger than you, yet was in his late teens or early twenties, him stating that he had found Eiji, his mate, when the two of them were nineteen summer’s old.

“Are you around many omegas in heat?” You tried asking. For a second, he stilled, looking at you with surprise, and then shook his head.

“Our dynamic is so rare, it’s comical. Of course, I’ve had to find ways to spend my own heats, and found it easier when you bite somebody, or creating a mating mark. Also, when your mate covers you in their own scent, giving off your status as ‘taken, don’t bother’.” Izuku finished, setting his bowl next to your empty one, as he grabbed the bucket and used sheets and utensils.

“There’s a safe path to the river, I’ll give you some privacy, but be near enough to sense if you’re in danger. Since this forest has probably less than ten occupants, you should be safe with us around.” He explained, and you thanked him as you hoisted yourself up with the stick, avoiding to use your hurt ankle.

……….

You didn’t get a clear outside view of Taishiro’s hut, but when you did, you admitted freely, that it was beautiful and well built. As Izuku rambled, he shown you the small beaten path in which led to a clear, cool stream. Of course, he promised you your privacy as he gave you a bar of lard soap, the tunic, and the oil within the jar was to clean your hair. Laying the spare tunic and essentials on the bank of the stream bed, he rushed off, promising you that he’d be near.

You didn’t waste any time, slipping into the cool water, setting your walking stick onto the bank as you sat in the shallow stream. Being from a nomadic lifestyle, you were use to taking baths within rivers and streams with your fellow women, each keeping a lookout for troublesome snoopers. Since the forest was pretty dim, all you really had to worry about, were the smells of strangers. Feeling a sense of security, you relished in having your heated skin flushed down by the slow moving stream, helping matters greatly as you sunk lower, taking off your old wet clothing, setting it aside to lather yourself and it in soap.

When you were done, you were freezing, but cleaned and wet hair out of the way. Newly clothed and leaning on your stick, you shouted out for Izuku, and waited. Immediately, your new friend popped up out of nowhere, smiling as he held a bucket of clean, yet wet clothes.

“Let’s head back, warm up, and dress your wounds!” He smiled, brightly.

………..

Having Izuku around, had helped matters, greatly. Of course, he went home during certain times, refusing to part with his mate for a while, and you were left alone, yet safe, clean, and dry within the hut as you swore that the sweet yet earthy scent was stronger than ever. You guessed that he had came back when you and Izuku were gone, eating quickly, and reorganizing things.

Although grateful, you tried your best to help around within the weeks of your heat. You learned from the smaller rabbit, how to cook, clean more regularly around you, and even garden a little when your heat wasn’t at it’s most terrible state. Of course, you were apologizing heavily to Izuku from the other side of the door, stating that you couldn’t have visitors on some days, and he had understood, promising to be back, later.

While feeling gross and tired, you didn’t dare enter the forest, alone, opting to keep busy, tidying the small hut the best you could, and brushing out your wild hair, neatly braiding it, thanks to your new friend’s teachings. You didn’t see or hear from Tai, but his scent was always around, close and promising to protect, and that itself, comforted you at your most stressful times. Heat being heat, only lasted two weeks, and then the post-smell, had to fade.

By this time, it was safe for you to meet Eijirou, Izuku’s wolf mate, as well as Tai’s other adopted son, Tamaki, the ever elusive snow leopard who had promised to guard the area around the forest as a favor. Although strangers, you knew that they were trustworthy, putting their time and effort in making sure that you were alright, and of course, you couldn’t be thankful enough, making supper for them.

“Now that your heat’s over and ankle’s healing, where will you go?” Eijirou asked, and you felt yourself stilling. You didn’t think about that. Instead, you just smiled, and handed him a bowl of stew, telling him that you think of something. After everyone had left, you cleaned had cleaned up. The last time that you’ve seen the tiger, was when he had rescued you, and already, you couldn’t help but miss the person who was responsible for your safety.

It wasn’t right for you to stay, you admitted. Although he stated that you could find a place in the forest, if you wanted to, you had felt that you’ve already taken too much, especially his home and food. Your ankle was healing, nicely, and a week from now, Izuku had said that you could probably walk, but not run onto it.

“Somethin’ on yer mind?” Taishiro’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. Quickly turning towards him, you’ve noticed that the man was holding the door open, looking at you quizzically. Seeing your surprised expression, he rolled his eyes.

“Been tryin’ to get yer attention for a bit, now. Mind tellin’ me what’s goin’ through that head of yers?” He asked, shutting the door behind him, as he sat down on a nearby stool. Your ears flickered before laying back.

“Where have you been staying at this whole time?” You questioned. At first, he had a blank look on his face, and then realization hit as his tail swished heavily, ears flickering wildly.

“You…were worried ‘bout me?”

You gave him a deadpanned look.

“Why wouldn’t I be? I’ve been living in your home, using your food- Tai, you’ve looked out for me, a practical stranger, sacrificing your own safety and shelter…do you ever look after yourself?” You couldn’t help but blurt out, but then gently asking the last question. He swallowed thickly, casting his eyes to the side as warmth spread across his cheeks.

“I usually don’t do this for others, but it seems that you’ve shown yer gratitude by helpin’ out as much as ya could. Talked to Izuku, learned that you were really doin’ well, and given that ya’re concerned ‘bout me an’ tryin’ to pay it back, I don’t regret my choice.” He finished, warm amber irises daring to meet yours in his decision. It was your turn to break away from the oddly heated stare.

“I don’t know what’re gonna do, when yer ankle’s healed, but, I’d like to get to know ya, a lil’ more. If…if ya wanna stay.” He said it so quickly, but you heard it loud and clear.

“Tai-” You began, but he hummed.

“If ya wanna live in the forest, we could always build ya a small den, or a hut. Won’t be much, but it’d be somethin’.” He admitted. Without thinking, your body acted on it’s own accord.

“Wai-wah?!” He grunted in surprise as you hugged him tightly, burying your face in his chest as heat rushed to your face as you realized in what you had just done, but you didn’t regret it, especially hearing the sound of his fluttering heartbeat, and his natural scent in which calmed you down.  

“Thank You.” Was all you could say, really. To your small surprise, you felt his arms wrap around you as you heard very, very subtle purring rumble through him.

“Notta problem, Sweetheart.”

…………….

         It didn’t take your ankle long to heal. Being in the forest for the last month, you’ve admitted that not only had time passed, quickly, but you were getting more mentally mature and physically well. Of course, you were confused by your own feelings for the nurturing man, but you didn’t mind the too long hugs, the subtle touches in fixing bandages, and eye contact. You favorite had to be a border of pillows were between the two of you, as you both laid on the big bed, talking about everything and nothing while the fire crackled and lit up the dark room. It was a platonic distance, you refusing him to sleep on the harsh wood, and insisting that a pillow wall could work on the giant bed.

You never really shared one, but you liked his company as he talked about his family, his past, and how he came to adopt Eijirou and Tamaki. You listened intently, ever so curious, learning that he wanted to find a place of his own, like his father had before him, and settle down with a mate and cubs. You were lucky that the pillows had hid you, for you couldn’t help but feel your face begin to redden as he, oblivious to your small plight, went on about how basically everyone was scared of him, or didn’t want to do with him.  

   Your racing heartbeat slowed as he hummed that he was glad that he found his boys, the small wolf furiously protecting the slightly older leopard cub against stray coyotes.

“Winter’s cruel, but so are the lousy parents who leave their pups n’ cubs.” He said icily, a spike of anger seeped into his scent.

You liked him. Even when your ankle healed, he housed you as the two of you made plans to build a small space for you to live in. Fear of rejection had kept your tongue tied into silence. Your inner demons, although small, caged your rational thoughts as time crawled forward slowly. Since you have been able to properly walk, you’ve foraged, gardened, and explored more of the forest, collecting things that could be useful, as well as venturing towards the icy cool river to wash dirty plates and blankets. It was more so of your gratitude, rather than it being an actual chore, that you didn’t mind doing these things.

Taishiro himself, not only prowled to keep the area safe, but he had a lot of times shared time with you, insisting that it was his mess, too, as he scrubbed the soup bowls into the icy water. It being winter, he wasn’t as active in the spring, yet he had wood chopped not only for his small fireplace, but to be turned into logs for a couple of buildings, one was a small house for actual chickens.

You cocked you head.

“Chickens? Where would you get those?”

 As if surprised by your answer, he palmed his forehead.

“I’m kinda dense, Hon. I didn’t tell ya that there was a village nearby, didn’t I? Well, not really near, maybe a couple of day’s journey, but I thought nothin’ of it since I don’t really go there, often.” He admitted guiltily, but you were surprised that a village was within the reach of the tundra. Speaking your thoughts, his tail twitched as his ears perked, seemingly glad that you weren’t upset of his forgetfulness of the place.

“They’re alright, a lil’ skittish. They use clothes an’ food for currency, and every once a great while, I get some trousers or somethin’ from there.” He mulled over the idea, sneaking glances at your weathered tunic.

“Might not be so bad in getting’ some chickens. Fried eggs sound great, right about now.” He murmured, instead.

[mandoalorian]

Home [Ezra Prospect x Reader]

Home [Ezra Prospect x gender neutral reader]

Warnings: yearning, yearning and more yearning. I just wanted to have a go at writing for him.

Word count: 2k

Rating: PG

Authors Note: I’ve never ever wrote for Ezra before and I find his character just a little bit complicated but I hope this is somewhat coherent and enjoyable :)

MASTERLISIT | Submit a request!

"I feel like I don't belong here." you swallowed as you stared straight ahead into the green forest. Your eyes were stinging and you knew if you just gave it a few more moments, tears would threaten to spill. "I never thought I'd leave Puggart Bench." You rubbed your eyes and took a deep breath. The sun was setting just off the horizon. The day was coming to an end.

"Cee lived on the Pug," Ezra grumbled as he clawed through deep damp soil, digging out aurelac. Ezra paused as he remembered his reluctant associate. "I miss her." He finished. Out of the corner of your eye, you watched your partner pull out the aurelac sac and carefully harvest it.

You didn't say anything— you figured it was best to stay quiet. It was hard though. Ezra promised you, as the days went by, it would get easier. But it didn't. You were beginning to believe he was a liar. You missed your family; your parents and your friends. You wondered if they were still out there— somewhere. You wondered if they missed you. No. You forced yourself to shake away the feelings. If they missed you, they would've come back for you. They would've rescued you.

You and Ezra walked back to camp in complete silence, apart from his occasional grunt and groan as he pushed his tired legs through the thick waves of grass. When you arrived back to your shared tent, Ezra was the first to go in. He always was. You knew his routine. He'd strip himself out of his environment suit and usually take a shower. He wanted to wash away any chance of the dust spores.

You promised him for that as long as he wore his environment suit out of camp, he would be safe. You would remind him that your shared tent had the best air filtration system he could ever ask for. But the loss of his arm had struck a kind of paranoia within him. You didn't call him out for his impulsive behaviour. You let him be. Although this trauma hurt, you still loved him for who he was. You knew his sense of pride had deteriorated since the incident and you wish you could do something to restore his confidence in himself. It was these little quirks what you loved so much about Ezra.

You lingered outside the camp for a few minutes, taking in the fresh air. Now that Ezra was occupied, maybe you could release all your pent up emotions. Cry it out. You shuffled along to the large fawn tree which hung above your camp and sat down on the grass. You picked up some pine that had fallen and began to scrape a tally mark into the bark of the tree. You had been on the Green Moon, with Ezra, 365 days and counting.

"A year is a long time, moonbeam," you heard Ezra from behind you. His voice was just as soft and articulated as ever. You noticed he'd showered, judging from his damp hair, and he had lazily put his environment suit back on. You blinked at him and then turned away.

"You should go back inside," you told him, your gaze fixated on the tree that marked your days like a calendar. "Your hair is wet, you'll catch a cold."

Ezra crouched down before shuffling next to you and you took a deep breath. "I've been here many years," Ezra admitted. "In fact, I don't remember much of my life before I came to the Green Moon."

"Why did you come here?" you asked, your voice breaking.

Ezra took a moment and stared into the sunset. "Like all Prospectors," he told you. "I guess I just wanted to make something of myself. It got lonesome, sure. But then I met Cee, and she gave my life purpose. I had responsibility."

You knew Ezra had a deep respect for Cee, the young girl who accompanied him a few years back. "I wish I had known her." you hummed, fumbling with the zip on your environment suit.

"I think she'd like you," Ezra smiled and you spotted the sparkle in his eyes. "She liked reading books too."

"Oh really?" you giggled.

"Yeah," Ezra laughed as he reminisced. "She was smart like you too. I was glad when she left, truly. I knew she didn't want to stay on the Green moon. It's no life for a young child. And despite my attempts I just knew she wasn't safe here." Ezra's explanation was followed by a pause and you noticed the cherry smile fall from his lips. "But I still miss her." he admitted.

Then, in one swift and abrupt motion, Ezra turned to face you. He nudged his gloved hand over yours, cautiously, but with an air of confidence that you hadn't seen from him in a long time. To your surprise, he interlocked his fingers with yours and held your hand. You swallowed down the nervous lump in your throat and found yourself gazing longingly into his dark brown eyes.

After a few beats of silence, the both of you turned your heads back to the sunset. Something so special and unique about the green moon was that every evening, there was a special moment that only lasted a few minutes, where the stars would peek out from the orange pink sky. It was often hard to catch. Tonight was your first time witnessing the unanticipated beauty with your partner.

"It's beautiful." You whispered, taking note of each star and trying to draw upon any constellations. Ezra didn't respond. The silence wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, but instead it was comforting. You knew that, no matter what, you and your family were under the same sky. Possibly looking at the same stars, despite being potential star systems away. "Don't you ever want to leave?" you questioned Ezra with a sigh.

"And go where?" He asked. You realised his voice had dropped octave and you turned back to look at him. The whole time you had been admiring the sunset, Ezra had been admiring you. His grip on your hand tightened as if he was afraid to let you go.

"Anywhere but here." you lulled, feeling the tears brim your eyes again. "There's a whole universe to explore."

"I've found that I quite like staying put. After many years of drifting between planets, I prefer to just stay here." Ezra shrugged his shoulders.

"I know I've lived here, with you, for a year now— but I still consider Puggart Bench my home." you frowned. You dipped your head and rest it on his shoulder.

"For me, home isn't a place," Ezra told you. You pondered his words during the beat of silence. "Home is about who I'm with. For a while, Cee was my home. Now it's you." You pulled your head off him and looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. He noted your confused expression and opted to continue his explanation. "Cee gave my life purpose. She was only young and I knew I had to provide for her. I had to go out on digs and earn my keep, make sure not to take any days off. I had to find food for her and make sure she could sleep at night. I tried to educate her but honestly? I think I learned more from her than she learned from me."

"Oh." You smiled a teary smile and looked back into the sunset. The twinkling stars were soon fading away.

"But you, my dearest moonshine," Ezra wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you back into him. "You give my life reason. Now that you're with me, I have a reason to wake up every morning. I have a reason to tidy around the tent and not let it get ridiculously messy like it would before you. I have a reason to help you plant the crops and water them when you're not around."

"Oh Ezra," you smiled. "But you don't have to do those things." You shuffled into his warm embrace. You loved the way Ezra held you. It made you feel safe. Protected.

"But I do it because of you," he responded. "You're my reason." After a long silence you pulled away from Ezra. "Come inside?" Ezra asked you. "I brewed some of your favourite herbal tea."

"Really?" you smiled.

"Really." Ezra replied. Not letting go of your hand once, he slowly dragged you back into the tent and sat you down on his bunk.

He squandered over to the little heater where he was boiling some hot water and poured it into your own special mug. You took off your environment suit and made yourself comfortable. Taking a spoon, he pressed the herbs into the side of the mug, creating a tea-like consistency and handed the warm drink to you. You wrapped your hands around the mug and took a sip, humming in delight when and savouring the taste.

"You like it?" Ezra beamed with pride. He was so cute.

"Mhm," you nodded and took another sip. "Tastes like home."

"Oh? You had the same herbal tea on Puggart Bench?" He questioned, also undressing out of his environment suit and sitting next to you, wrapping his blanket over you both. His blanked smelled like him. Like the forests and fresh grass.

You shook your head. "No, you've only ever made me this herbal tea." You told Ezra and that's when it hit you. You considered Ezra home. You finally understood his analogy under the fern tree— about how home is a person rather than a place. You looked up at him and he was smiling down at you.

Ezra was truly your home. He cared for you, protected you. He looked after you when you got sick and cooked for you when you couldn't feel like it. He made sure that the temperature in the tent was never too hot or too cold. When you got tired on digs, he'd even carry you home. You had never experienced such love from anyone before. That's what it was. Love.

"I'm sorry I wasn't much use today on our dig." you hung your head in shame. Ezra wrapped his arm around you again and pulled you down onto his lap.

"That's okay, it's been a rough day. I'm just grateful for your company." Ezra slid his gloves off his fingers and began to gently trace your face. You let his eyes close under his touch.

"How come you're always so understanding?" You whispered, reaching your hand upwards and cupping his cheek. His brown stubble grazed your skin but it felt nice. You liked it.

Ezra wanted to tell you the truth. He wanted you to know that he was never like this with anyone. Just you. He wanted you to know that he was totally and completely infatuated with you. Now that you were in his life, now that you were his home, he couldn't imagine spending his days without you. It broke him knowing that you wanted to leave the Green Moon. That you wanted to leave him behind. He couldn't escape the thought.

After the silence, he noticed you had drifted off to sleep. He gently picked you up from his lap and tucked you into his own bunk, not wanting to wake you. It was okay if you slept in his bed tonight. He was more than happy to take the floor. He admired how peaceful you looked and he was glad you were finally getting some well deserved rest after such a difficult day. He spent a few minutes watching as you gently snored. He wondered what you were dreaming about. He wondered if you dreamt about him the same way he dreamt about you.

"I understand you," Ezra whispered. "Because I love you. You're my home."

Your sleeping body didn't stir in the slightest at his words and he pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. He hoped that one day he could kiss you for real. He hoped he could show you how much you truly meant to him. But today just wasn't the day.

Permanent taglist: @phoenixhalliwell​ @ah-callie​ - if you would like to be added to my taglist please let me know!

[ddarker-dreams]

Home. Yan!Shigaraki x Reader [COMM]

Japan brings with it a plethora of memories.

Memories ranging from the highest of your life to the lowest. Times that you can recall with a special fondness, reserved in your heart for the rest of your life. But always balanced out with numerous hurts, times that you wish you could erase from your mind. All of it remains a mixed bag within you, serving only to befuddle your true feelings further as you get off the plane. 

Going through customs felt surreal, the bustle of the airport one that struck you with a sense of  nostalgia. The people, the scents, the sights -- it all left you with a weary heart, but you had already expected to feel this way. Returning wasn’t an easy decision, the dividing thought leaving you with numerous restless nights.

But ultimately, your choice has been made. With suitcases in hand, you look down towards your phone. Traveling always sounds nice in theory, but jet lag and exhaustion were taking you hostage. Still, it won’t do to get tired now; you still need to make it to your new apartment after all.

‘If I could survive that long flight in economy class, I can last through one more Uber drive.’

Blurry images of the airport scenery go by, the music in the car all but tuned out by your chaotic thoughts. It all reminds you of how you left in such a hurry in the first place, in the dead of night. How conflicted you were then -- constantly doubting your decision and wondering if you should just turn back.

But turning back to Shigaraki at the time didn’t feel like a viable option. 

You don’t think of it as running away from your problems. Even if that’s what it may sound like, you tried all you reasonably could do. From countless heart to heart discussions, to tearful phone calls. All of it fell on deaf ears, or worse, served to irritate him. Neither of you would back down from your given positions, despite the care you shared for one another. The care that led you to overlook your own morals for a time being. 

Shigaraki was always someone who was firmly planted in his ways, and didn’t care for having his morals challenged. Though he was considerably more tolerable towards your verbal opposition than anyone else would even have the opportunity to attempt, it didn’t mean he’d change his mind in the end. 

So you left. It’s bizarre to believe that eight months have already passed since then, eight months of your life being vastly different than before. Even when you weren’t in Japan, you would still hear news reports of the League of Villain's activities. Every time a headline popped up of what was happening, it made your stomach drop. 

His hold over you didn’t feel as less constricting as you had originally hoped it would. Even if he was no longer physically with you during those times, you could still almost imagine his presence by your side. His mannerisms, what he would say to you if he was there. The nightmare never ended, it only got worse as the days went on. Shigaraki would never stop haunting you.

Which leads to where you are now. Having left the car with a quiet thank you, staring up at your new apartment building. Getting your keys from the main office, you desire nothing more than for this to be a positive beginning in your life. If leaving Japan didn’t help you feel any better, it only made sense for you to come back. There’s no place like home, after all. 

But you’ll still be living your life on the down low. It’s unnerving, since the League never stayed in one area for long. If you knew where they were hiding now, you would gladly put as much distance between yourself and them as possible. But given the nature of Shigaraki’s vision, they were always on the move. 

Turning your keys until you hear a click, your last burst of energy goes into opening the door. Inside showcased an apartment devoid of furniture, but still your new home nonetheless. With a deep sigh, you tug your heavy luggage through the door frame. 

‘I’ll at least need to unpack some things before I can sleep…’

Briskly walking to the sink, you splash cold water onto your face in a desperate attempt to stay awake. Your new mattress won’t be delivered until tomorrow, so sleeping on the floor is all you can do for the time being. Shaking your head at the thought, you sluggishly get to work.

Grabbing your favorite blanket and pillow, you lazily throw it where your bed will soon take its place. Everything else can wait for tomorrow, it’s not like you’ll have any company to entertain. With the sun already having set thirty minutes ago, you close your blinds and gratefully lay down. 

Even if it’s on the floor, it feels like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders to finally relax.

It doesn’t take long for sleep to find you, all of your pent up emotions and nonstop thinking having sapped all your energy. All you can hope for, as your heavy eyelids flutter shut, is that tomorrow will be the fresh start that you have longed for.

---

“Mnh…” 

Rubbing your eyes, you almost panic for a moment at your new surroundings. Before recalling all that had occurred, and that this place is your home now. 

‘What time is it…?’

Blindly groping around your pillow for your phone, your eyes squint in pain at the bright screen. Displaying that it’s only 11:25 PM, and that you only had been asleep for a few hours. The effects of sleeping on the floor make themselves known, your back aching at the lack of proper support. 

Grimacing at the throbbing discomfort, you put your phone down before sitting up with a yawn. With intention to get up and soothe your dry throat with a drink, you never get the chance before a voice pierces through the dark.

“All that running sure must’ve been exhausting.”

Jumping at the sound of a lower voice in your pitch black room, your eyes rapidly dart around for the possible source. Breathing growing unsteady, you feel your lips tremble at the thought of a stranger in your apartment. Would your quirk be useful enough in fending them off? 

Hugging your knees against your chest in a reflexive response, your mind scrambles to come up with a plan. 

Reaching to grab your phone out of desperation, you finally let out a weak response. “W-who’s there? I’ll call the police!”

“Like that’d do any good.” The voice responds in a mocking lilt. Like a sudden wave crashing over you, you’re finally able to discern through your fatigued state who this is. You feel as if you’re being dragged beneath the waves, the air all but smacked from your lungs.

‘That’s--!’

Footsteps approach you slowly, methodically. You feel frozen, incapable of even forming a coherent thought. As the person gets closer, you realize you need to run. But before you can even get the opportunity, you feel a foreboding weight around your shoulders.

And four fingers tapping against your bare skin.

“Did you forget about me, [First]?” 

You know that voice all too well. The fact that even sleep managed to dull your guess of who it was is astonishing, but no longer do you feel uncertain of who it is. Goosebumps line your exposed skin, the sound of your own shaky breathing filling the otherwise silent room.

“Sh-Shigaraki…?” 

“So you didn’t,” he responds with a low, humorless snicker. Tightening his grip around you, you can feel his hair tickling your face. “I’m glad I don’t have to remind you of that, at least.” 

Swallowing thickly, you feel tears prickling the edge of your eyes. There are too many overwhelming things on your mind, too many questions without answers and silent pleads. It all feels too suffocating, air becoming a luxury that you miss. In the moment, all you can will yourself to do is choke out your next words. 

“How,” you exhale shakily, mind screaming your tongue drier than sandpaper. “How did you find me?” 

For a brief moment, you feel his coarse fingers cease their previous drumming movements. In a motion that could only be described as flinching, Shigaraki quickly recovers himself while answering your question with a malicious bite. 

“After all this time, that’s what you want to say to me?” Shigaraki growls out towards you, causing you to squeeze your eyes shut. You desperately wish that none of this is real, that the cruel events unfolding before your very eyes are all but a dream. 

From all the time that you had spent with Shigaraki, you had grown accustomed to his mannerisms. Being able to pick up on every little nuance of his words, to what every twitch of his muscles meant. But now, you feel incapable of doing just that. Is it bitterness hidden in his words? Disappointment, frustration? Something tells you that it’s all of that, and more. 

“Whatever. I’ll humor you with the answer. Imagine my surprise, I get a phone call from Toga. I was barely able to understand her at first, her voice was so frantic and excited,” Shigaraki pauses for a moment, recalling the prior events. “Eventually, she manages to explain that ‘big sis [First]’ is back. And well… here we are.” 

At first you didn’t pick up on it, but there’s a slight tremble in Shigaraki’s voice. You realize now how difficult he’s trying to hold himself together, feeling his body shaking against your own. Each of his words come out more forced than the last, almost as if a lump was forming in his throat. 

Unable to conjure up a response fast enough, you hear Shigaraki’s labored breathing growing more unsteady.

“Well? Say something! Don’t just sit there.” 

All false impressions of control start to slip through his fingers, true emotions no longer being able to hide. Cracks beneath the surface reveal to you just how much pain he is in, the mere thought enough to tug on your own battered heartstrings even more. You open your mouth, wondering if there’s anything you can say to diffuse the situation. 

He clings to you tighter.

“Shigaraki… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” you sniffle, small sobs unable to be suppressed any longer. His muscles tense at the sound of you crying, a battle within ensuing. “I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t take the violence, t-the constant living in fear! I don’t know, I don’t know…” 

Much to your surprise, a rough hand wipes away the tears leaving your dampened eyes. Jaw agape, you feel deft fingers working hard to dry your skin. You remember long ago how he told you once that he hated seeing you cry, that it made him unsure of what to do.

Hiccuping, you feel your lip tremble at your next question. “Are you going to kill me too now?” 

“I don’t know, probably not. Just… just stop crying already.”

Shaking your head, you know the waterworks won’t be stopping anytime soon. Now it was your turn to take Shigaraki by surprise, stuffing your head against his chest to muffle your own cries. He subconsciously moves his fingers to make sure they don’t all touch you at once, and you feel how tense he becomes at your unexpected touch.

Eventually, he places a tentative few digits against your back, awkwardly attempting to soothe you. It all brings you to the pinnacle of your emotions, unable to hold back your full fledged sobs any longer. Gripping onto the fabric of his hoodie, you take in his familiar scent. Shigaraki begins gnawing on his lip, having not expected his confrontation to go like this. 

He eventually returns your serpent tight hug, placing his head into the crook of your neck.

“Don’t think you’re getting off easy,” Shigaraki finally grumbles against your skin, his own emotions too unsteady to even understand. “I’m not ever letting you out of my sight again.”

[widdlefangs]

Platonic 

Pairing: Bobby x ChildhoodFriend!MC Words: 1.7k Notes: Ok full disclosure I’ve used this for other fandoms but I just felt like it was so relevant to Bobby. I guess I’m doing fics now so maybe send me prompts or smth and I’ll jot some fics down. Headcanons too. 

Bobby clicked his pen for what seemed like the umpteenth time during this whole study session. He stared as his study buddy bit her lip at an equation she’s been writing yet again. She scribbled furiously before scratching it out with a frustrated groan. She leaned back on her chair and slumped with a whimper escaping her lips. Bobby nudged her foot with his own under the table.

“Hey,” he comforted his friend, “Come on, you need to take a break.”

He bounced off his chair and walked towards her small kitchen. Bobby found pride in the fact that he knows his way around like it’s his own. He got her stash of peppermint tea at the top left corner cabinet right beside the Christmas mugs. He hooked a foot on the lower cabinet where her small spoons were. He plugged the water heater at the bottom socket because the top sparked since he plugged a hair blower there once in one of their all nighters. With pronounced ease, he prepared the exact blend of tea he knew she loved with the precision of a friend who knew her inside out. He leaned back and watched her wallow in the pages of her book whilst the water boiled.

He was her friend. No, he was her best friend (he hoped, if no other human would agree to buying her tampons if she can’t leave the house). She was most definitely his best friend, none can deny that. Bottomline is, for the majority of their lives, it has always been platonic. Painfully platonic. 

It doesn’t matter if she cuddles between his legs on her couch whenever they watch Ghibli. It doesn’t matter if he strips butt naked in front of her as they change for a night out. It doesn’t matter if his parents already set up her clothes in Bobby’s closet and her toothbrush beside his. She and he shall be perpetually…just platonic. Sighing, he pushed the off button before it lit red knowing that she hated scalding her tongue.

He wondered how they’ve gotten here. There was a project once back in grade school where they were asked to write where they see themselves in twenty years. She was there in every paragraph, in every line, in every sentence in his write up. She was what came up to his mind when one would ask him who he envisions to be his wife someday. And that image hasn’t changed since. Perhaps it took root from the innocence of childhood—how hugging and cuddling and touching in general was deemed platonic in children, that’s why she’s gotten to used to it— but as respectable adults, it just seemed like he was doing all the responsibilities of a boyfriend without getting the benefits of one.

He shook his head at the thought of how hopeless he was. Someday, she’ll find a man that can’t love her half as much as he did. And she’ll think he’s the one. And someday he’ll find her cuddled up with him on her couch as he sits by at the other end just because he’s the best friend.

He felt a pair of slim arms wrap around his waist and a button nose nuzzle the back of his shoulder. Exactly  the type of behaviour he’d been elaborating in his head earlier.

“I smelled the tea.”

“I know you did, you can’t resist me.” he chuckled sadly. After knowing Bobby since childhood, she knew there was a matter of glumness in his tone. She tugged on his waist, urging him to face her.

“Don’t even bother telling me you’re all right. Spill it.” she looked up at him.

“Spill what?” he cocked an eyebrow, taking a sip at her teacup.

“Don’t spill what me, McKenzie. I know something is up with you,” she said, taking her tea from his hand and gingerly nursing it between her fingers.

“Nothing is up with me,” his mouth quirked, taking his own cup and smiling at her with tired eyes.

She frowned at that. Pursing her lips as she leaned on the kitchen island across him. He knitted their toes together while sipping his tea. He reached for the side of the refrigerator and took out the rest of the chocolate cake he baked from yesterday. Grabbing a fork, he pushed off the counter to lean into her, one arm supporting his weight on the counter his other balanced the two slices of cake on a plate. She placed her head on the crook of his shoulder out of habit. There she goes again.

“Tell you what, if you finish your slice first, I’ll spill.”

She gave him a bewildered look and he used that to his advantage by shoving the slice in his mouth. She quickly caught on and started stuffing her face with cake as well. In an effort to win, he shoved his entire piece in his mouth and grabbed the rest of hers and made a run for it.

“Can’t finish your slice now, can you?” he sputtered, mouth full of cake. Bobby jumped on her couch, nesting on it like a hawk. She protested below him, cheeks all puffed up in cake.

“Bobby I swear, I’m not afraid to push you off!” she stomped, barely able to speak.

“Oh yeah? Prove it!”

And that was all it took for him to be tackled to the floor with her straddling him. She had a wild look as she reached for the crumbled cake and ate it off his hand. He revelled in the feeling of her mouth around his fingers, he’d like to feel that more often. It was down to a battle of chewing. The first one to swallow wins. She planted her hands on his chest and narrowed her eyes at him as she chewed the food in her mouth furiously, even if it did make her look like a deranged animal. It’s not like they weren’t twenty-two year olds rolling around on the floor on a lopsided food eating contest.

She swallowed first. He let her. “Aha! I win. Now spill.”

He was still chewing, albeit leisurely now. He placed a hand on her hip as a sign to wait. She didn’t seem to mind the intimate gesture. He finally swallowed.

Taking a deep breath— for the confession and his hurting throat— he spilled.

“I was thinking how much I love how we’re so platonic. Even if I’m practically your boyfriend—no, your husband, with all that we’ve been doing.”

She gave him an incredulous look. Bobby can’t believe that this moment was where all his years of platonic relationship lead up to.

“That’s it? I wrestled you for that?”

He bit his lip—hurt that she reacted the way she did. The way she always would. She degraded his feelings—feelings that have in fact been pent-up for years. He was sick of it. Absolutely sick of it.

“Do you think what we have is platonic?” he spoke up. She noted the tone of a challenge in his voice. There was hurt there too. Unable to look straight into his eyes, she turned away.

“If someone walked into this room right now and see us, would they think we’re platonic? You’re straddling me in your pyjamas while I’m in my boxers and you think this is platonic?”

She gulped.

“I’m so tired. Tired of pretending that there’s nothing here,” he pushed.

“Bobby— I

In truth she didn’t know what to tell him, or how. There was just too much history between them.

“Could you tell me right now, to my face, that you don’t love me. If you can say that right now, I swear, I’ll let it go. I won’t ever bring up the topic ever again,”  he declared. There was an almost violent beating in his chest. An anxiety that couldn’t be quelled with anything but her words.

His heart clenched when she couldn’t reply to him. It spurned his anger even further.

With everything on the line, he kissed her. He kissed with all the fervour he’d been wanting since he met her. Bobby knew that this wasn’t how he wanted to reveal his feelings. He knew that this could very well end as a nightmare for the both of them.

Until he suddenly felt it. Her hands weaving into his hair like how he’d always imagined. Her lips pressing back with as much ardour. Her body curling into his as she kissed him. She kissed him. Back.

They stayed there for who knows how long, just lingering in the shade of the night, enjoying each other’s company in a whole other light. Finally, he broke away—he still had a point to make.

“Now did you think that was platonic?”  he murmured, a little breathless.

His spine was tingling, his hands a bit shaky, the world was spinning and the point of intersection was her. Innately her. Hers all along. It was her.

She muttered something incoherent, a little smile tugging on the sides of her lips and his heart leapt with joy. He tucked a loose lock of her hair behind her shoulder and kissed the skin that was revealed to him. He’d always wanted to kiss her there. It’s not like it hasn’t been accessible, on the contrary, it was a tease for him. To know that he could get so close and yet he couldn’t touch.

He released his meanderings and breathed on her skin, feeling  her shiver reverberate to his hands. It made him deliriously happy. “How about that? Was that platonic?”

She shook her head a little. Bobby allowed his hands to travel down her back like he has done so for the past thirteen years, but none so as leisurely as he did now.

“Can I ask if this is platonic?” she whispered and kissed the length from his ear to his jawline and latched on to the hollow of his neck. Bobby hadn’t meant to, but he groaned.

“Yeah that’s very platonic. Friends do that all the time.” he struggled to create coherent sentences with all the emotions swirling inside him. She leaned on her elbows and smiled at him.

“You know, Bobby, I love how we’re so platonic.”

“I love how we’re so platonic too.”

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #230: THE LAST FAREWELL!

April, 1983

“Yellowjacket no more!”

Aw, dang! Hank got raptured!

Captain America, Thor, and Hawkeye is a weird collection of characters to be staring forlornly at the empty Yellowjacket uniform.

Thor hasn’t really expressed much about the Yellowjacket situation in comparison. You think they could squeeze Wasp into the shot. Just her ex-husband is all. She’s just the team leader is all.

Put Wasp on the cover, you cowards.

So last times on Avengers: Hank Pym got himself kicked out of the Avengers and out of his marriage and pretty much deserved it. He was tricked into committing treason by his arch-nemesis Egghead and sent to jail. He sat in jail for, like, a really long time. The wheels really spun on the arc.

He was kicked out of the Avengers/walked before he could be kicked out in #213. He was arrested at the end of issue #217. His trial was in issue #228.

He was kidnapped from his trial by the Masters of Evil. Then in #229, he turned the tables on them all in quite a satisfying manner and slugged Egghead in the egg head.

Then Hawkeye manslaughtered him. He’s dead.

Hawkeye arrowed the science gun to stop Egghead from shooting Hank in the back and then the science gun backfired and microwaved that egg.

This makes Hank’s victory a little bittersweet for him.

Hank Pym: “I defeated the Masters of Evil single-handed... but more than anything, I wanted to bring Egghead to justice. He was a thorn in my side for so many years. I was never able to defeat him for long, not when I was Ant-Man... and not even after I became Giant-Man! He bedeviled me in every identity I assumed. He did me the greatest wrong when I was Yellowjacket. I’d already ruined my Avengers career, when he tricked me into committing a federal crime!”

Hawkeye too is set to thinking by what happened. Maybe humming a bit of Bohemian Rhapsody to himself too.

Hawkeye: “This is unreal! I’ve never killed a man before! I never planned on anything like this happening! Yeah, but I can’t feel sorry for Egghead! If anyone deserved this, he did! My brother Barney bought the farm, stopping Egghead from killing the Avengers. And if I hadn’t acted when I did, Hank Pym would be dead! If I had to do it again... I would!”

Hawkeye: ‘Eh, fuck ‘em!’

hah.

But Hank laments that with Egghead dead, so goes his chance of proving his innocence by turning him over to the law.

Hank Pym: “Egghead was always getting away from me, Hawkeye. It’s almost as if he’s pulled the ultimate escape!”

Fun fact: There doesn’t seem to be an Ultimate Egghead! Why would there need to be? Even more than in the 616, Ultimate Hank Pym is by far his own worst enemy.

Hawkeye basically tells Hank to buck up and that there’s basically incriminating evidence lying all over the place.

He doesn’t say it but even Egghead’s dead deceased corpse is kind of like evidence. Evidence that he wasn’t dead until recently.

Captain Marvel shows up because someone finally came looking for Hawkeye.

Hank is surprised, much like others have been that this is Captain Marvel. He knew the old guy, the super saiyan. And I guess he didn’t hear there was a new one.

Hawkeye: “We’ve had a few changes since you went in the slammer, Hank. C.M. is an Avenger in training.”

Huh. Captain Marvel doesn’t even react to the dead body. Then again, there’s a lot of bodies lying all around the place.

And while Hawkeye is introducing the new Captain Marvel to Hank, one of those bodies stirs.

Moonstone has regained consciousness and assesses the situation. She could blast Hank, Captain Marvel, and Hawkeye with her coherent light pew pew but that’d just weaken her.

Like in the previous issue, Moonstone is one of the few supervillains who knows when to fold ‘em.

So she decides to skeedaddle while the getting is good but whoops.

Getting wasn’t good.

The rest of the Avengers have shown up and cornered her while she was pondering.

So Moonstone decides ‘eh fuck it’ and promises to spill all the beans if it gets her a lighter sentence.

So days later, the mostly off-screen trial of Hank Pym finally ends.

A loooot of new evidence suddenly popping up led the prosecution to withdraw all charges.

The lead prosecution witness, Trish Starr, suddenly reversing her testimony after putting on Tony Stark’s magical mental-scan helmet kind of tanked the case, really.

Wait, they really did just admit the use of the helmet in the trial when its new, unsubstantiated technology whose inventor disappeared?

Damn, I knew the Marvel legal system was wild (considering comic books as legal documents as explored in Dan Slott’s run on the character) but still!

Although it makes sense. Egghead got Trish to incriminate Hank by using the bionic arm to alter her memories. The helmet Tony invented undoes that kind of alteration. This connects the dots quite reasonably. Glad Stern was paying attention when preparing to finish this arc.

Moonstone and Beetle confirming that Egghead was using Hank as a tool also helps.

In fact, not only did the prosecution drop all their charges, the judge also dismissed all the charges. Which feels redundant? I dunno much about law, really. Just the She-Hulk version of law. Which, again, uses comic books as legal documents.

Apparently happening at around the same time, Hawkeye also had his day in court.

Literally a day.

It wasn’t a trial, just a hearing to investigate whether he was guilty of wrong-doing in the death of Egghead.

Newsman with a newsplan: “Though he was threatened with contempt-of-court charges a number of times -- Hawkeye was found innocent of any wrong-doing in the death of Dr. Elihas Starr -- the self-styled Egghead.”

Yeah, I bet Hawkeye was threatened with contempt-of-court a bunch. And I bet you anything that at least one of the times he rejoined with “No, you’re out of order! This whole damn courtroom is out of order!”

And then the judge probably just sighed.

I mean, look at that unbelievable Hawkeye in the bottom left panel.

Anyway, I think Stern must have felt a little pent up having to start his Avengers run finishing off someone else’s story, especially having to devote a recap issue to it since the plot had been interspersed with fill-ins.

Because in the middle of concluding this arc, he throws in two plot beats that I have to assume are to set up stuff of his own.

A day after the trial, the Beetle is being escorted to a cell in a Western Pennsylvanian federal maximum security prison when he bumps into another prisoner.

What neither the Beetle or the guard notices is that the bump to “Sam Smithers” has peeled off some skin on his arm and revealed THAT HE IS ACTUALLY MADE OF WOOD!

Suspect possibly a living puppet.

And elsewhere but samewhen, IN SPACE, specifically on Saturn’s moon Titan, Thanos’ brother Eros is basically complaining about being bored.

When Captain Mar-vell died of having a lot of cancer, he asked Eros to look after Mar-vell’s... uh... -google- robot girlfriend?? Elysius.

Eventual mom to Genis and Phyla-Vells.

Soooooo, Eros has done as Mar-vell’s deathbed wish was and spent an agonizing several consecutive months hanging out in Titan’s beautiful inside forests and just having a real hard time caring about one thing for such a long period of time.

I’m not even being unfair to him.

Eros: “This is the first time in ages that I’ve spent so many consecutive months on Titan! I have ever been a wanderer! I’ve sought out adventure across the wide cosmos. Frankly, I have known romance on more worlds than most sentient beings could imagine. That’s part of the problem. Our friendship has been wonderful, but I’m having a hard time adjusting to it. My previous relationships have all been of a fleeting nature.”

‘Look its not you, its me’ except for attempting to dump someone as a friend, instead of romantically.

Not dump, even. He just kind of wants to ditch her and is asking in a roundabout way if she’s emotionally stable enough to ditch.

She goes, yeah sure, go off and have fun. And maybe she’s getting tired of his company too.

Elysius: “Look... you’ve been a great comfort to me these last few months, but now I need to be alone for a while with my thoughts.”

Geez, how clingy has he been this whole time while desperately wanting to be anywhere else?

Anyway, since she’s fine with him fucking off, he does fuck off. Right to the Hall of Science.

Where Eros’ dad is like ‘oh ffs’ when Eros tells him that he needs to use the LIVING COMPUTER Isaac to look up planets with the highest adventure potential.

Mentor of Titan is a man deeply disappointed in both of his sons for very different reasons.

Anyway, would you really be surprised if I told you that Earth was in the Top 3 planets in known space for adventure?

You wouldn’t, right?

Meanwhile, back at the plot, Hank Pym is on a boat with Trish Starr.

She wants to apologize for that time she incriminated him but Hank isn’t going to blame her for being as much a pawn in Egghead’s scheme as he was.

Trish: “Yes, uncle was like that all of his life. I think he really enjoyed using people.”

And she remembers the first time they met in Marvel Feature #5, where Egghead tried to drain her mind to power his machines. Because. Batteries hadn’t been invented? Because he’s just not happy unless he’s screwing over someone else?

Second one sounds likeliest.

She also remembers the time he car bombed her car but siphoned out most of the gas first.

Trish: “He didn’t want to kill me... only maim me. Nice guy, my uncle.”

Yeah. Its stories like that why its only Trish and Hank also Fred Sloan on a boat at Egghead’s funeral. Yeah, by the way, this is basically Egghead’s funeral.

Fred is only here for Trish.

Hank reacts to Fred so I wondered if he’s important in some way or if Hank recognized him but I checked the wiki and his main importance seems to be... this issue? So I don’t know why Hank reacts to the guy.

So Fred is just here for Trish. Trish is here out of duty, since she was Egghead’s only known family. And Hank is also only here out of duty but more archnemesis ‘can’t believe that asshole is dead and I don’t even get to feel good about it’ duty. I assume.

Hank even gets the honor (?) of laying Egghead to rest. By dumping his ashes into New York harbor.

Mostly because it doesn’t seem like Trish wants to?

So Hank quotes some Mark Twain and dumps the ashes.

Hank Pym: “‘Death... the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all -- the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.’ Farewell, Egghead.”

Trish: “It’s awful to say this -- but I can’t find it in myself to be sorry. I think I’m glad he’s dead.”

And that’s Egghead’s legacy. Mourned by no one. And his death is only not cheered because the only people that cared feel shitty about feeling glad he’s dead.

ANYWAY, there’s some other loose ends to tie up.

So Hank takes a taxi to the Avengers Mansion and I guess finally explicitly explains why the mansion has seemed to change positions over time?

Hank Pym: “I never thought I’d be coming here again. The place has certainly changed since the day Jan and I met here with Iron Man, Thor, and the Hulk to draft the Avengers charter and by-laws. And I still recall the time Iron Man and Thor moved the mansion back from the street to give us more privacy. What a project that was!”

Sounds like a heck of a noodle incident, Hank.

... Why just Thor and Iron Man? Did they... did they literally just shove the mansion back from the street? ... There’s... basements and caves under there. How does that work? That seems like a massive architectural project.

Hank, pls, I need to know more details. You can’t just drop that information and casually stroll away. HANK!

Captain Marvel meets Hank at the door and escorts him inside, captain marveling at how calm Hank is despite everything he’s been through.

Hank shows up to the Avengers meeting and-

Oh god, She-Hulk looks like she wants to punch the suppressed emotions right out of Jan. She-Hulk, pls.

So, Wasp is super formal, calling Hank Dr. Pym and telling him that they want to use the mento-scan helmet to see if he was under outside influence when he did all the very bad things he did.

All of the Avengers are harboring their own concerns.

She-Hulk: “I’ve read legal briefs that were more informal! She’s cool on the surface, but inside -- ! Jannie, why are you doing this to yourself?!”

Are you guys already at the cute nickname stage of your friendship or is that just the way She-Hulk be?

Cap is worried that this is rough on Jan but that she’s doing what she needs to do as the Avengers chairwoman. But he’s more worried about the absence of Iron Man who is still missing and who ignored three calls to assemble.

Thor is just internally like ‘just do the helmet, my dude.’

Hawkeye is literally biting his lip at the tension.

Hawkeye: “Jan divorced Hank after his last breakdown. If we find out that he wasn’t to blame, what’s it gonna do to the both of ‘em? I hate this! That stupid court hearing was a breeze in comparison.”

Huh, Hawkeye has a point. Even if outside influence is proven, its not as straightforward as Jan and Hank instantly getting back together, no harm no foul. There was harm. And the problems with their relationship were deeper than one incident. But it would also create this possible expectation that they should get back together because the specific incident wasn’t Hank’s fault.

And Captain Marvel is still looking at this from an outsiders’ perspective.

Captain Marvel: “They’re really hurting over this... all of them! They all care so very, very much. If I ever become a fully active Avenger, I pray that I can live up to their example.”

So Hank very calmly agrees to use the helmet. But...

Hank Pym: “Sorry... no outside influences. It would have changed a lot of things if there had been, wouldn’t it? But no, I made my own mistakes... and I have to live with them.”

Thiiiiis was the best decision for the story arc. It may seem, in retrospect, the worst decision in the long run, but I can respect the story for standing by what it has done and standing by the growth Hank has had as a result of everything that happened.

I think a lot of more modern marvel comics have gone a little wild with letting the heroes do all kinds of dubious things and also die because it can be easily undone. It was a Skrull, they were being mind-controlled, it was an AU Nazi version of them created by a cosmic cube child. Or by giving the hero some big redemptive moment like Iron Man wiping his mind to make up for doing Civil War. Or Iron Man dying to make up for Civil War 2. You can explore whatever scenarios you want without worrying about dealing with the consequences long-term.

But in this era of Marvel, they were concerned with the long-term. Not to say that there weren’t cop-outs back in this day too. But since books were expected to keep going indefinitely instead of being cancelled and relaunched, there’s less of a sense of ‘this thing is only here to play with for a little while.’ If you wrote a thing, another writer was expected to follow up on it.

And I miss that a little.

So not giving a cop-out bullshit thing that undoes Hank’s actions was bad in the long run for his image as a character. But that’s a long way from now problem, exacerbated by writers like Chuck Austin and Mark Millar who wanted to wallow in it.

For an arc where Hank fell from grace and proved himself again, taking ownership of what a garbage fire his life can be was necessary.

One among many reasons I probably won’t like the Crossing when I get to it, haha.

With Hank’s actions proven as being Hank’s actions, Hank says there’s one more loose end that he wants to help tie off.

He wants to participate as witness when the Avengers hold a court of inquiry for Hawkeye killing Egghead.

This comes as an absolute surprise to Hawkeye, who I guess never read the bylaws. Which honestly, is very in-character for him.

But it being brought up, he insists that all he has to do is enter the findings of the state judge and be done with it.

Hank insists he participate though.

Hank Pym: “Hawkeye is faced with charges because he acted in my defense. It’s only right that I act in his.”

So, the Avengers go to the first floor library, which is apparently the court of inquiry room. I feel like we’re suddenly getting a lot of details about the layout of the Avengers Mansion in recent issues.

So Wasp convenes the court all formal style, so formal style that Hawkeye thinks that stickler Cap(tain America) couldn’t have done a better job. The purpose of the court of inquiry is to determine the validity of the charge of “unreasonable use of deadly force” and determine what if any proper disciplinary action should be taken.

I think Hawkeye is annoyed at having to go through with this (read the bylaws, my dude) because when Wasp asks if he has anything to add to his claim of innocence of the charge, he says he already gave the court copies of the court transcript that cleared him of the same charge, but also decides to speechify a little, because he wasn’t accused of contempt of court enough today.

Hawkeye: “I have already given the chair copies of the transcript of a hearing of the state courts... a hearing which found me not guilty of the same charge. And I have something else to say as well!”

“I don’t deny that my actions caused the death of Egghead. But in no way did I use undue force! I found Hank Pym in mortal danger, and I used the necessary means to save him... period. After all, we are supposed to be the Avengers, right?”

Luckily for Hawkeye, the Avengers are more willing to put up with him than a state court so Jan just goes ‘ok, noted.’

Captain Marvel also has a minor change of heart on Hawkeye. I don’t think we’ve gotten her in-depth feelings on him before (although he did get pissy about her joining the team, we didn’t see her response to that) but she’s impressed because she thought he had more wind than conviction but is seeing that isn’t so. And she’s also impressed by Serious Mode Jan who she thought was kind of flighty.

Captain Monica Marvel seeing all kinds of new sides of the Avengers lately.

Also, this isn’t important and you won’t be able to see what I mean unless I included more caps than I wanted to, but in the panel establishing the court of inquiry, Monica is just standing off to the side. But in the next panel she appears in, she’s moved over to sit on a couch instead.

I think its a framing thing but its still kind of funny to imagine her going ‘wait why am I standing up’ and heading for the comfy couch.

With Hawkeye’s statement given, Wasp invites Hank Pym to speak his piece.

And Hank gets up and gives an entirely unnecessary but probably appreciated defense of Hawkeye.

Hank Pym: “Ladies and gentlemen... I have not always been on the friendliest of terms with Hawkeye. Point of fact, we nearly came to blows a number of times... back in the days when I was an Avenger. But in all the time I’ve known him, Hawkeye has never used undue force.”

“I realize that this inquiry is little more than a formality. I have no doubt that you will find in his behalf. He did, as he said, act only in my defense. Unlike my own recent case before you, there is not the slightest hint of misconduct or negligence. The only thing Hawkeye is guilty of is being a good Avenger.”

“When I last spoke before this body, at my court-martial, I was not in a rational state of mind. I was unfit to be an Avenger. You wisely expelled me. I never expected to speak before you again. And now, I can think of no finer final statement than this... It has been my sincere honor to have known Hawkeye’s fellowship... as it has to have known yours.”

Okay. So. Half a defense of Hawkeye. And half... just a general good-bye and a demonstration that he actually does know how to deliver a defense at a court-martial. Cool.

I imagine if he had a mic, he would have dropped it.

Probably not, actually. Hank isn’t that exact blend of cool and inconsiderate for a mic drop.

Jarvis intercepts Hank on his way out and asks that he come with him to the second floor study. Jarvis has taken the liberty of gathering up the personal items Hank just kind of left in the mansion and packing them for him.

One suitcase has a bunch of Hank’s clothes that he had stashed in the mansion over the years. Including some wacky ties for wacky tie Fridays and a shirt that Hank had just plumb lost.

The other suitcase is a spare Yellowjacket outfit. In case Hank ever needs it.

Then Hank and Jarvis shake hands, Hank thanking Jarvis for everything that he’s done for him and the Avengers. He asks Jarvis to take care of himself because he knows he doesn’t have to ask him to take care of the Avengers.

This is a very touching scene. Its so touching that Jarvis excuses himself to go get misty eyed.

This is a Jarvis appreciation blog because I appreciate Jarvis as well.

Then, as Hank heads back down the staircase, he is intercepted by Thor, Captain America, and Hawkeye.

Yeah, the court of inquiry resolved off-screen because of how forgone a conclusion it was.

The three Avengers basically fall all over themselves to pat Hank on the back. Hank actually looks somewhat panicked by the positive affirmation.

That’s some mixture of funny and sad that I can’t identify.

Hawkeye tells Hank how much he appreciated his unnecessary defense. Thor clasps Hank’s shoulder and tells him he’s a class act, but in Thor-y words. And Cap extends an offer for whatever the Avengers can do to help Hank get back on his feet.

Hank thanks him for the offer but he’s already received an offer from a small research foundation in the Midwest.

Seems like getting exonerated of a treason charge is the best resume of all. That and Hank’s actual impressive resume.

But Cap has some stuff to work out re: Hank because he starts off on the stuff he put on the back burner back in that Ghost Rider issue.

Cap(tain America): “Hank... I know Iron Man would agree, if he were here, that we’re all sorry about the way things worked out. We should have realized the pressures you’d been under, prior to your breakdown. I was group leader at the time! I should have -- !”

Hank Pym: “Hold it right there, Cap! What I did, I did to myself! If I could have admitted that my problems existed... If I’d been willing to open up to you folks... Well, ‘if’ can be a big word sometimes. The fact of the matter is, I screwed up. And you did the only thing you could do! I don’t blame any of you.”

Hank has boarded the personal responsibility train and goddammit he’s riding it to the end of the line!

Good for him. Good clarity for the arc to have in its last issue.

But having started to slightly shout at the Avengers that he’s taking responsibility dammit! (he looks a bit pissed when he’s responding to Cap) Hank awkwardly excuses himself.

Cap tries to stop Hank from leaving because he has reached the bargaining stage of grief, I guess.

Cap: “Hank, wait! It doesn’t have to end like this! We could make a special amendment to the by-laws! We could reinstate you as an Avenger! You could be a special reservist -- !”

Hank: “Thanks, Cap. But no thanks. Trying to play super hero was the biggest mistake I ever made with my life! I was only fooling myself in ever thinking otherwise. But if you ever really think you might need a Yellowjacket again some day...”

He hands Cap the Yellowjacket suitcase.

Hank: “... Here! All you need is a good man and what’s in this case!”

I would hope, anyway. It’s going to be awkward if he opens it up later and its full of wacky ties.

The funny thing, although not really funny ha ha, is that Yellowjacket is the one codename of Hank’s that never really catches on outside of him.

You have multiple Ant-Men, a couple Goliaths, at least one other Giant-Man. There was a second Yellowjacket, eventually. But she didn’t make a big splash.

Despite Hank’s attempt here to pass the torch, Yellowjacket is a codename that remains inextricably tied to him. Which might be the problem. If there were another, more successful or at least more endearing Yellowjacket, Hank’s infamy in the role would not stand out so much.

Alas.

She-Hulk and Captain Marvel try next to intercept Hank. They don’t know him very well but they wanted to say their goodbyes too, despite not really knowing him that well.

Its the thought that definitely counts, probably.

But Hawkeye has some social awareness for a change and draws their attention to Wasp who is hanging back, but who clearly wants to talk to Hank.

So the rest of the Avengers quickly vacate to let Hank and Jan finally have closure. Or re-closure. “I want a divorce and to never see you again” is a kind of closure.

The situation has changed, however.

They both try to apologize to each other and then laugh at the awkwardness.

Hank: “Janet van Dyne, you are one in a million! After all that I put you through, you want to tell me that you’re sorry?”

Wasp: “I think we both made some mistakes along the way, but there were some good times... weren’t there?”

Hank: “Yes. But you can’t base a marriage on just a few good times. I fell for the young lady who reminded me of my first wife... and you thought you’d found the strong, silent hero. But I was never that strong, Jan. You know that now.”

Wasp: “Uh-huh.”

Damn, his prison time really did bring Hank a lot of clarity. That or the pile of therapists Tony kept throwing at him.

Hank also kind of talks over Jan here. Or at least steers the conversation. I don’t know what Jan would have said because Hank tells her that they both have other lives to lead and tells her to take care of herself.

Maybe its for the best, if, like Cap, she was going to try to shoulder all the blame for Hank’s bad decisions.

Hank walks out the door and finds Trish and Fred from the boat waiting to give him a ride to the airport. And then he is gone.

Like in the final image of the COURT-MARTIAL issue, Jan watches at the window.

“The last time Henry Pym left these walls, Janet felt like crying... but couldn’t find any tears. Today, at last, she has found the tears... for her former husband... for her team... for herself. Today, there is pain and remorse and release. There will be time enough for joy and hope tomorrow.”

Emotional catharsis can be like that.

In that the book kept going ‘Jan is really holding her emotions in and that’s probably not overall great for her’ its good that she can let it out now.

Kind of laughing at Captain Marvel and She-Hulk who only recently just met Jan being the ones going there there while the men she has known for years are just awkwardly standing in the background.

And that’s the fall and rise of Hank Pym. Apparently collected in trade as The Trial of Yellowjacket, which is a decent enough name too.

Overall, a good arc. That is kind of hampered by the need for filler and a writer change near the end. But honestly, Stern catches the ball and runs with it. He concludes the arc just as good as Shooter would’ve.

This arc is all kinds of iconic for Hank, although, unfortunately, most people are only aware of the beginning and maybe have a hazy understanding of what the ending does.

Although. This is a really good send-off for Hank. A really, really good send-off that would have worked best if he did like he said and quit superheroing forever.

That’s not to be, obviously, not in a perpetual narrative machine like Marvel. But it feels like it could have been and maybe should have been the last word on his character.

I enjoy Hank in Busiek’s Avengers and in Avengers Academy. And also, conceptually, Hank telling Reed “it’s on, bitch.” I very don’t enjoy Ultimate Hank Pym. So its a balancing act. The perfect exit for the character vs but I like some stuff when they brought him back.

Anyway.

After this, Stern gets to move on to his own material. Which he already planted the seeds for in this issue.

That’s a pun.

Follow @essential-avengers​ because of my bad puns. Also like and reblog, if you like to reblog.

[aaronhart93]

after work || zara & aaron

Discord text thread featuring: Aaron & @x-heartbreaker​​

When: early morning March 11, 2020

Mentions: -​

Description: Aaron takes Zara home after he finds her getting attacked outside of work

Trigger Warnings: injuries, assault, stalker/pervy dude

Zara

In the early morning hours, Zara’s shift is finally over. She’s been back and forth between serving in the vip section and bar tending, depending on what’s available on any given day, she picks up as many shifts as humanly possible. That leaves her tired but she continues to push through it. Tonight in the vip section, Ryan is present, just like most nights she’s working there. He’s not someone Zara would have looked twice at but she learned his name early on, as part of the customer experience really, she learned it made her better tips. It’s another night of turning down his advances but smiling through it like the trooper she is. When she cleans up her section and closes down for the night, she’s relieved that she isn’t required to smile anymore and she heads down to wait for her cab home. That’s when he appears again, offering her a ride home, which she politely declines. Before she can even turn her attention back to the street, her body is nearly thrown against the side brick wall of the building in the alleyway between the club and the building next door. The impact of her back hitting the wall and of his body pressing into hers knocks the breath out of her. When she regains her senses her hands are pinned above her head and all she can smell is the alcohol of his breath while his mouth is on her neck. Why isn’t her adrenaline kicking in, it’s like she’s frozen. His other hand his unbuttoning his pants but Zara is busy turning her head away to avoid his mouth getting anywhere near hers. “Get off of me!”

Aaron.

Aaron wasn’t typically at his bars like this so late. He had people for that, and he was already busy enough during the week. He needed to sleep at some point. There were a lot of assumptions about Aaron — some true, some not so true. But no one could say that he didn’t work hard. Tonight, he was entertaining some high profile people and wanted to make sure that everything went smoothly. He introduced himself, and even had a couple of drinks with the group. On the house, of course. Aaron knew that if he charmed the pants off of these people that it would be great for business. When the group finally left, Aaron decided to make his exit and head home to his kid and partners. He looked at the time. It was 4am and he certainly wasn’t sober enough to get in his car and drive himself back to the pent. He needed to just stop driving in the city in general...but he just loved his car. He called for his car service as he made his way out of the back entrance. He shoved his hands in his designer coat then heard someone scream. He turned towards the back alley when he saw one of his staff members being attacked by a patron. “Shit.” He mumbled to himself before making a split second decision to run up to the pair to pull the male off of Zara. He grabbed his clothing by the shoulder and socked him in the face which made him fall to the ground. “Fuck. Are you okay?”

Zara

There isn’t much that surprises Zara these days, not after what she’s been through in the foster system, but somehow this has caught her off guard. She never would have expected that this guy would even have enough balls to try something like this. Is that why somehow she couldn’t fight back? She was already looking for a reason to blame herself, as she always did. Soon the pressure of his body is a weight lifted off of hers and it’s only then that she’s able to try and catch her breath. The throbbing pain in the back of her head is kicking in and she knows there’s got to be some damage there from the force of it hitting the bricks but she isn’t prepared to feel it yet. Immediately she recognizes Aaron and is flooded with embarrassment. “I....” she can’t lie just yet and say that she’s fine but she also doesn’t want to speak not being fine into reality. “Thanks.”

Aaron.

his attention shifted from Zara to the man who was now rolling on the ground beneath him. Aaron delivered a kick to his stomach. Just for good measure. He didn’t really need to hit him again. He just wanted to make sure that he got the message. Don’t fuck with Aaron Hart and the people he cares about. Not to mention, the alcohol running through him made him think he was tougher than he actually was. He physically put himself in front of Zara and the man, who was a regular at the club and whom Aaron was sure never to allow back again. “You fucked up, man. Get lost.” He told him sternly, which must have prompted him to get up off onto his feet and scurry off. The businessman finally turned back to the woman. He wasn’t sure if he should touch her or what? Did she want a hug? A comforting hand on her shoulder? “What a dick.” Aaron looked at her nervously. She seemed....almost frozen. He took his jacket off and offered it to her, holding it out so that he could help her get into it. “Should we get you checked out? My driver can take us to the hospital.” He suggested.

Zara

this entire situation felt like more of an outer body experience than anything. it was almost like she was standing outside of her body and watching it happen without being able to stop it. she winced hearing the contact of Aaron's foot with the mans stomach, not that she didn't think it was deserved. And when he was eventually struggling to stand, the brunette still clenched her eyes shut almost just waiting for what could possibly come next. Thankfully it was retreating footsteps. Eventually she opened her eyes again, reminding herself to breathe. "im sorry i didn't mean to cause a scene." it took her a moment but she slid the jacket over her shoulders, the fact that she was physically shaking not even apparent in her mind. "ill be fine" hospital bills were not something she could even think about right now. "are you ok?"

Aaron.

Aaron was genuinely confused as to how and why Zara thought that she needed to apologize. She was the one being attacked after all. If anything, Aaron should have been sorry for not having some established safety precautions for the staff members getting out of work extra late. He’d need to work on that. It was number one on his to do list this upcoming week. “I’m fine.” He insisted, shaking his head. The adrenaline was actually still pumping through him. He wasn’t even cold without his coat. “And don’t be sorry. I promise that nothing like that is going to happen again. Okay?” He promised the other. He was confused as to why she didn’t want to go get checked out. Was it the money? Or did she not want to spend all night in the ER? “Can I are least call my doctor so he can talk to you to make sure you don’t need to be seen?” He suggested as he got a notification telling him that his ride was parked by the back door. “Let me take you home at least.” He practically pleaded with her.

Zara

The look on his face was telling her that she wasn't saying the right thing, but her mind felt like it was in so many places, yet blank all at once. She was lucky if she could even form a coherent sentence. Didn't she have mace in her purse just for this reason? Zara glanced down at her purse that was still zipped so that didn't do her any good, did it? Even though she was prepared, clearly she wasn't. And now that's boggling her mind. She didn't feel like herself. She could have done better, no doubt. She'd kicked plenty of ass in the past, what happened this time? Shaking her head she looked at him, she knew he was speaking but she hardly listened, so she just agreed when she heard the okay "okay." Reaching up she felt the back of her head, "it's just a bump." except that when she moved her hand, there was very clearly blood on her fingers that she wiped on the dark material of her black skirt. "okay. i guess i didn't have much luck getting a cab..."

Aaron.

"Okay." Aaron nodded once, relieved that she had at least agreed to let Aaron take her home. He was kicking himself for letting this happen to any employee. Maybe if he were paying better attention than this wouldn't have happened. The businessman lead Zara into the car, opening the door for her to let her crawl in first. Once he was in the car, he got on the phone with a doctor. That was the best thing about being rich - your staff was on call for you literally 24/7 because that's what they were paid to do. Zara's apartment wasn't far. Good thing because Aaron was getting nervous; she needed to get ice on the bump as soon as possible. "Do you want me to come up with you? Make sure you get settled okay." He asked, once the driver pulled over to the side. He didn't want to just assume, but he wanted to make sure that Zara got inside okay.February 27, 2021

ZaraBOT — 02/27/2021

shocked is still not an accurate depiction of what Zara felt. She’s mad at herself for not seeing this coming and not being more prepared. Why hadn’t she said anything sooner when she noticed this guy in almost every place she was, work and out of work.  The next thing on her mind was the fear that this might not be the last she saw of him. But beyond that once in the car she was glad to be sitting down, Zara didn’t realize her legs were shaking. On top of that her head was throbbing but before she knew it they were in front of her shabby apartment building. “If you want to, I’m sure I’ll be ok,” though her voice didn’t sound sure. She didn’t want to seem ungrateful for the help but her shithole apartment was also kind of an embarrassment. Her entire apartment could probably fit in his one bathroom.

Aaron.

The businessman was unsure how to respond to this. He was a guy, and she'd just been attacked by one. Should he have called one of her friends to get her or something? Aaron could see that Zara was visible upset and shaken up. Should he hold her? He was no equipped for this. The millionaire got out of the car and opened the door for her to let her out. "I could walk you up? I won't come in if you don't want me to...I just want to make sure you get up there okay." He suggested, putting a hand on her shoulder without even realizing it and guiding her slowly towards the front doors of her apartment building.

[platonicone]

Devotion - Story of the Oracle and her Shield

Chapter 29 - Friendship

Why do we confide in others? I wonder…

After braving the snow, they finally came to the haven by a thawed lake. The mountain arch with a deep opening created a nice shelter from the arctic wilderness. The depth of the arch prevented any wind or snow from entering the enclosed space.

“Looks very cozy,” Aranea stated, looking at the haven.

“At this point, even a coffin would look cozy,” commented Squall callously.

“Let’s go get some dry branches before it gets any darker,” she suggested. Squall nodded, and they both got busy gathering wood to burn.

They collected branches and various pieces of wood and dumped them at the fireplace. They huddled around it and tried to start the fire by rubbing stones.

“Oh fire, discovered by cavemen, useful even now,” she commented as a spark from her stone ignited the fire.

They sat as close to the fire as possible without getting burned. She warmed her hands and place it on her face to spread the warmth. Squall leaned in closer to the fire to bask in its warmth.

Once the sun set, the darkness took over. Without any city lights nearby, everything was covered in the thick blanket of darkness.

“I am glad we made it before the demons came out,” she said, rubbing her hands.

“Ya,” he sounded uninterested.

She gazed out into the darkness and her eyes could barely identify any shapes.

“Is this how the world will be if darkness takes over?” She wondered.

“Probably.”

“Is everything okay? You seem distracted,” she noted.

“Just, lots of things going on, that’s all.”

“Wanna talk about it?” She offered.

“No,” both of them said simultaneously. Aranea laughed his predictability.

“You can tell me anything. I am your friend,” she said, leaning closer.

“I know. I don’t want to burden you with my problems,” he replied, averting her gaze.

“Seeing a friend in trouble and not being able to help them is also a burden,” she stated calmly.

“You remind me so much of her,” he commented.

“Her?”

“In my world, I had a friend who stood by my side through thick and thin. She would go out of her way to help me at my slightest discomfort. Even though I never did anything for her, she never left my side.”

“She sounds awesome.”

“Ya, she was. It’s a shame that I don’t even remember her name or her face. But I think she was very intelligent, compassionate and very beautiful too. She even had her own fan club if I recall it correctly.”

“Makes me wonder why was she friends with someone like you?” she said, poking fun at Squall.

“I don’t know. She had no reason to,” he replied, adjusting the wood to keep the fire burning. “Once she wanted to talk about her problem and I told her to go talk to the wall.”

“Wow, you are such an ass. Did you at least apologize to her?”

“I don’t think so. It’s one thing I regret the most. I never treated her right or ever told her how much she meant to me,” he revealed, staring into the darkness.

“Squall, we humans are very resilient when it comes to our survival. However, our hearts are very fragile, it needs to be constantly reassured of love and hope. That is why is so important to tell someone how much you appreciate them or how much they mean to you,” She advised.

“You are right. I should do it more often,” he admitted.

“Everyone wants to be needed by someone. If you can make someone feel needed, you have done a good job,” she added.

“I know, but I have a hard time expressing myself. I’d rather show that I care about them through my actions than say it.”

“Even if you show it by actions, it is still important to say it sometimes,” she countered.

“Why?”

“Because it feels good to hear it,” she replied.

“I guess.”

“Aranea, thank you.”

“For which one? There are too many things you owe me for,” she said jokingly.

“You are one person who does not hesitate to tell me when I am wrong and I appreciate it. Sometimes you need an outside perspective to realize your mistake,” he confessed.

“I will always be at your service if you ever want to be insulted, scar-face,” she stated with a smile. “You are welcome. That’s what friends are for, to cover each other’s weaknesses and improve each other. If as a friend, I don’t help you identify and correct your mistake, then what’s the point of such friendship?”

“Friends like you are rare to find, so thank you for being my friend,” he said earnestly.

“Someone is taking my advice to heart. I like it,” she smiled.

Silence took over again as neither of them said anything.

“So, you gonna tell me what’s going on between you and Luna?” Aranea initiated the conversation.

“Nothing is going on,” he deflected her inquiry.

“That’s not what Luna said,” she stated, shaking her head.

“What did she say?” Squall asked with a glint in his eyes.

“Everything. From the day you meet till now,” she recalled.

“If she already told you everything, then there is nothing more I could add to it.”

“She told me about your journey from her perspective. But I am more interested in hearing your side of the story,” she stated her curiosity.

“Why?”

“Because I am curious. Because we have a lot of time to kill. Because I want to know why you risked your life like that. Because I want to help Luna. Do you need more reasons?” she listed.

“I guess not,” he shrugged.

“So, spill it.”

Squall took a deep breath and began.

“I gotta admit, after hearing all that, I am #TeamLeon. I think you two make a cute couple,” she giggled.

“Stop it,” he said, getting annoyed.

“Oh, come on now, just admit it,” she urged.

“Whatever.”

“You should tell her how you feel,” she suggested.

“Nothing will ever happen between us. She loves Noctis and will marry him someday. I will go back to my world once I take her to Altissia. That is how our story ends,” he remarked in a grievous tone.

After some solemn silence Squall spoke again, “Aranea, can you do me a favor?”

“Ask away.”

“Please help Noctis the best you can,” he stated, humbly.

“Wait! What?” she was taken aback. “You want me to help Noctis? Why?”

“Because Luna loves him. To see him fulfill his duty is her dream. Even though I might not be around to see it, I still want her dream fulfilled.”

“You do know that I don’t like Noctis, right?” She checked.

“Yes, I do. But I also know that you won’t let me down,” he stated.

“Urgh. I have so much pent-up frustration with him. Can I fight with him once and let it all out? Obviously, I won’t break his bones or anything,” she complained.

“Fine, but will you help him after that?” he asked.

“Yes, I promise.”

“Thanks.”

“You are so weird,” she said, shaking her head.

“You would have to be more specific than that,” he advised.

“It’s like you are going out of business because of a competitor, but you still want to make sure that they get all your customers once you are gone. Why?” she wondered.

“I am not doing it for him. I am doing it for Luna. I want her to be happy, even if it's not with me. Her happiness lies with Noctis.”

“What about your happiness?” she inquired.

“My happiness is in seeing her happy,” he replied sincerely.

“Why do you love her?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” he replied honestly.

“For someone so pragmatic, I thought you would know why.”

“Love is irrational by nature. You can have reasons to like someone, but you don’t need a reason to love someone. You just do.”

“Never thought you to be a hopeless romantic,” she said with a chuckle.

“I would like to think that I am pragmatic romantic.”

“There is no such thing as that. Now you are just making things up,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“Isn’t that how the language was invented? Someone came up with some words and gave meaning to it,” he defended.

She just gave a facepalm in response.

“Your turn to speak.”

Aranea narrated her childhood, growing up in Niflheim, joining the military, and her rise to being a Commodore. One thing Squall could notice was that she was fiercely loyal to Niflheim.

After hearing her story, Squall asked, “Who was that little girl on the train? I saw you playing with her in Tenebrae as well.”

That question caught her off-guard.

“Oh, she is, um…” Aranea seemed to struggle to come up with a coherent sentence. “She is a friend’s daughter.”

Squall scrutinized her. She knew he was on to her.

“I thought you are were not allowed to keep secrets from a friend,” he stated, calmly.

Aranea sighed before speaking. “As a soldier, we sacrifice our body for our nation. Let’s just say that there is more than one way to sacrifice your body.”

“Oh…” it suddenly dawned on Squall on what she meant. “She is your—”

“Yes, she is my monster,” she interjected before he could complete. “Her name is Solara Aldercapt Antiquum.”

“Aldercapt?” his eyes widened.

“She is the granddaughter of Emperor Aldercapt. After the prince’s untimely death, the Emperor was left without an heir. However, they had preserved the DNA of the prince. I volunteered for the sake of my country. Only Emperor Aldercapt and I know of this secret. Now you know it as well.”

“I promise to take this secret to my grave,” he responded earnestly.

Aranea nodded in appreciation.

“She is my world. I want to keep fighting for a better future for her sake,” she said, as fire danced in her iris.

“You are lucky, Aranea,” Squall spoke softly.

“Why?” She asked, taken aback.

“Many people find a reason to die for, but only a few find a reason to live for. I am happy you found that reason to live for.”

“It was unexpected at first, but I finally found my reason to live. Even if the world goes dark, I’ll keep fighting for a better future.”

They chatted at great length about Aranea’s past. Talking with each other kept their mind away from hunger and cold. They continued to chat till dawn.

They heard engine noise coming in their direction. “They are here.”

A sense of relief washed over them when they heard that voice.

Within seconds Biggs and Wedge came into view, riding their snowmobile. Biggs waved at them and Aranea waved back.

They rode back to the ship on their snowmobiles. A medic on-board checked on them as soon as they entered the ship.

As the ship descended toward Tenebrae Aranea approached Squall. “Here, you should keep this,” she said, handing him something.

He looked at it and was shocked to see it, “Frozen tear! Why are you giving it to me?”

“Think of it as a token of our friendship. Keep it safe until I ask for it.”

“Yes, I’ll keep it with me so I can return it to you someday.”

“Good.”

The airship lowered and the hangar door opened. They said their goodbyes and made their way to their respective home.

Next Day

Leon did not see Aranea the next day at all. He assumed that she must be busy with her duties and taking care of her monster. He went for a stroll with Gentiana as usual. The healing camp was over the number of pilgrims was significantly less now. They could finally walk without bumping into each other. He had hoped to see Luna, but she had requested her meals in her room.

Next Day

A loud banging on the door woke up Squall. He stumbled his way to the door, “Biggs?”

“Sir Squall, Lady A has been captured by the Empire and she has been branded as a traitor," said frantic Biggs.

Hearing that, Squall was wide awake now. “What? How?”

“We don’t know much detail, but I got an SOS from her on our secure channel. We traced her signal, and her last location was in Zegnautus Keep, Gralea. The Empire will execute her if we don’t rescue her soon,” he pleaded.

Author's notes:

So, what do you think about this chapter? Are you #TeamLeon or #TeamNoctis? Let me know in your comments below. If you don't have much to say then at least say 'Hi' so I know someone is reading this. It would really brighten my day. Thanks :)

[theasstour]

0109. Largo.

Saturday, 7 March 2015

FIC PAGE | CHAPTER SYMPHONY | WORD COUNT: 6k

NB: explicit language

“Have you guys heard the rumour going around about Harry?” Becky asked as she sat eating her cereal in the kitchen one Saturday morning.

“No.” Ian frowned, looking at Tiana who stood by the fridge and looked equally as confused as him. “What rumour?”

“Finger fucked someone in the women’s loos at The Grand.” Becky explained, eating her cereal and looking annoyed. “When we went out for his birthday.”

“Shut up.” Tiana said. “You’re taking the piss.”

Y/N suddenly stopped moving a bit where she stood cutting up a cucumber for her sandwich.

“Where did you hear this?” Ian asked. “Because I would assume he’d brag about it if he did. He’s a lad after all.”

“He’s not laddish.” Tiana rolled her eyes.

“Sure is.”

“You’re a terrible judge of person, Ian.” Tiana said. “Harry’s no Jack the lad.” She glanced at Becky, ignoring Ian as he started to protest. “Where’d you hear this rumour? It sounds absolutely ridiculous.”

“Some girls in one of me lectures.” Becky put her spoon down in the bowl, reaching her arms over her head and stretching. “Reckon she’s a slag. A fucking minger for sure.”

“How do they know Harry?” Tiana looked over at Y/N as she started washing her cutting board and knife. “He’s not that popular, is he?”

Becky raised her eyebrows, smiling a little. “He’s not exactly bad looking, is he? Everyone knows who the fit European Legal Studies bloke is.”

“How? I would never have noticed Harry had he not been in flat 8.” Tiana opened the fridge and got her carton of milk out, screwing the lid off. “He cannot be that popular.”

“He’s fit, Tiana, and that’s it. People remember a pretty face.” Becky sighed, letting her arms fall to rest on the kitchen table. “How I wish it was me had had finger fucked in the bathroom stall at The Grand.”

“Do you know who it was?” Ian enquired.

In that moment, Tiana looked over at Y/N who took a bite of her sandwich, eyes quickly adverted as she knew the second they looked at each other Tiana would know. Everything seemed to click into place, because her eyes grew wide and she almost spat out her mouthful of milk. She put the milk back in the fridge and walked over to Y/N who made sure to give Becky and Ian a look, both in deep conversation, before Tiana reached her.

“You’re fucking joking.” Tiana whispered. “You’ve got to be bloody joking.”

“What did I say?” Y/N asked after swallowing the bite of her sandwich.

Tiana looked over at Ian and Becky before she nodded toward the door leading out of the kitchen. Y/N got the memo, and walked toward it, holding the plate with her sandwich to her chest the entire time. Right behind her the whole way, Tiana locked the door into Y/N’s room once they reached it and squealed. She jumped up and down over to Y/N, who was watching her friend with big eyes and a confused mind. Tiana took the sandwich and placed it on Y/N’s desk before taking a grip of her shoulders.

“Did Harry finger you in that bathroom stall? Was that why you both left the toilets just as different times?”

Y/N’s mouth hung open, no coherent words coming to mind as Tiana put words to what had happened in the bathroom stall at The Grand early February. With huge brown eyes, Tiana took in every movement Y/N made and hung onto the slight puffs of air leaving her lips as if they could help her decipher anything. Letting a heavy breath leave her lips, Y/N looked at her sandwich, but Tiana shook her.

“Silence speaks louder than words!”

“Ti, don’t… don’t tell anyone.”

“Who would I tell?” Tiana asked clapping her hands together after letting go of Y/N’s shoulders. “I don’t tell anyone anything except for you. I’m just so ecstatic!”

“Why?”

“Because Harry bloody Styles fingered you in a bathroom stall at The Grand!” Tiana shout whispered, looking absolutely outraged that she had to spell it out for Y/N at all. “And you fancy him so much, just like he fancies you, and I think this is huge.”

Y/N sat own in the chair by her desk. “I’m just scared.”

Tiana frowned, sitting down in Y/N’s bed. “Why are you?”

“Because it’s too good to be true.” She answered. “Harry is too good to be true, him fancying me back is too good to be true, everything-“ She stopped herself, sighing. “This whole situation with Harry is too good to be true. I don’t know what… I don’t know what to think.”

“Y/N, it’s not.” Tiana shook her head. “You deserve good things, and Harry is one of them.”

Their eyes met and Tiana was smiling, something that eased the turmoil in Y/N’s head a little. It was good looking at her best friend, because seeing her happy made everything seem a little less intimidating and the world a little more balanced. Reaching over, Tiana took Y/N’s hands and held them tight, demanding Y/N to look at her as she spoke her next words.

“You’re only doubting what you have because… I don’t know why…” Tiana frowned a little, face turning sad. “Why are you?”

Y/N looked away, shaking her head and dragging her hands out of Tiana’s grip. “I… It’s…” She closed her eyes as she spoke. “I’ve been hurt before, I guess.”

“You guess?”

Y/N kept quiet.

“Y/N, you can talk to me.”

“I know.” She opened her eyes, nodding as she locked eyes with her best friend again. “I know, Ti.”

Tiana looked at her hands that had moments earlier been holding Y/N’s. “If I had to choose someone on this earth I’d never want to see hurting, it’s you. And whenever you want to talk I’m here, in a heartbeat. You’re one of the most important people in my life, yea?”

Y/N smiled a little. “Likewise.”

“Don’t shut things in.” Tiana warned. “Don’t do it. Because all things you keep pent up inside has a way of getting out eventually. You’ll burst if you don’t get things off your chest, Y/N.”

Y/N nodded, knowing this full well.

“And I don’t want to see that happening. Not to you.”

Y/N leaned forward and hugged Tiana, holding her tight until she hugged her right back. It was a comfort to have her close, to be held by her like having her arms around her made the world seem a little easier to conquer. Y/N tried not to think much about what had caused this conversation, the event in her own life that made her question everyone’s intentions. So, balling Tiana’s shirt into her hands, Y/N held onto her best friend for dear life as she tried to understand how she herself was feeling about this whole situation. She could never put words to it.

Tiana walked back to the kitchen after a little while, and Y/N was left with her sandwich. Whipping out her phone, she called Edward on FaceTime, feeling incredibly deprived of time spent with her brother and favourite person in the entire world. He answered fast, grinning at his phone screen as he appeared, waving his hand frantically at her.

“Hiya Maverick!” Y/N smiled. “Alright?”

“I’m good, Goose.” Edward smiled back. “What’re you up to?”

She showed him the plate with her sandwich.

“Looks rank.”

“For your information, it’s not.” Y/N rolled her eyes. “Anyway, how’s your day?”

“Boring.” Edward leaned back in his chair, the necklace resting on his chest glinting in the sun shining in through his bedroom window. “Dad’s out with the trees and mum’s in town I think. While I’m left in my room looking out my window.”

“Sorry I’m not home keeping you company, mate.” Y/N said, sticking her bottom lip out. “I’ll be home in a couple of days, though. For my birthday.”

“Yea.” Edward smiled. “Only four days now. And yes, I’m counting down the days. It’s boring here without you, you know that.”

Y/N felt suddenly guilty for leaving her brother behind when she went to university. He had said he would be fine with her living in London, had even encouraged it, but she knew he didn’t have many friends in college, and would often only hang out with Y/N because that’s when he had the most fun. Edward had made it obvious that he wanted Y/N to experience the world without feeling like she had to bring him along, and moving to London to study felt like a big, yet small, step. It wasn’t too far away from Hawkley, but far enough that she couldn’t go home every weekend.

For her birthday however, Y/N was going home to her brother and family. They had been ecstatic when she had shared with them the news of her coming home for a bit, and now that it was only a few days away she felt herself looking forward to her birthday, something she rarely did. Y/N hated the attention her birthday gave her, and knew spending it at uni would overwhelm her, so going home seemed like the best option. She knew Tiana would make a big deal out of it, so would Finn and Ian, and if she ever told Harry, then he might, too. It wasn’t a special day in her eyes. She was born on that day and was thankful her mother had given birth to her, but it didn’t go beyond that. Her family knew Y/N wasn’t too keen on her birthday and had always made her a cake, given her some gifts, and not made a big deal out of it. So, she was looking forward to coming back home, sitting down in her little boat in the lake by her house, reading a book and being by herself. And of course watching Top Gun with her Edward, something they always did together, but it was tradition t watch it on each of their birthdays. Edward’s was May 20th, and the two would always watch it as the sun went down, the door into the back garden open, the almost-summer sun shining in on the telly, and the smell of newly cut grass in the air. The thought made Y/N’s heart sing.

“Look at this.” Edward said, putting his phone in his lap as he rolled himself over to his wall. Picking his phone back up, he turned his camera around so Y/N could see his new painting. It was one of the many landscapes ones, this one of the row of Christmas trees behind the farm. Different shades of green and thin lines of black to indicate where one tree ended and another one started. Her brother had always had a talented for drawing, painting, and making things with his hand. He was incredibly artistic, and his ability to create something visual like he did had always impressed Y/N.

“Beautiful, Eddie.”

“Not my best, but something I painted to pass my time yesterday. You can bring it back to uni if you want.” He turned the camera back to his face. “So you remember how dull Hawkley really is.”

Y/N huffed. “Hawkley isn’t dull. Miss it quite a lot, actually.”

“Really?” Edward scrunched his nose, clearly not believing his sister the slightest. “You miss living in the middle of nowhere? Miss helping dad out at all times?”

“You know I love helping dad!” Y/N smiled. “You trying to make me remember things we used to hate about Hawkley won’t make me not look forward to coming home. Absolutely buzzing for it.”

“I just assumed you were smart.” Edward shrugged. “Guess you’ve lost some brain cells going to uni. Must be all the weed you’re smoking.”

“Stop!” Y/N laughed. “You know I’m not smoking anything, you knob.”

“Can’t be completely certain.” Edward said. “You’ve changed.”

“What?” Y/N frowned. “Have not.”

“Not in a bad way.” Edward clarified, a smile breaking out across his lips. “You’ve just changed. In the best way. You’re still Goose, but a more independent and freer one.”

Y/N smiled a little, surprised by her brother’s uttering.

“You’re still the shyest person I know, but you’re coming out of your shell.”

“I should be saying this to you, not the other way around.” Y/N said, making Edward chuckle. “You’re my little brother and you’re giving me a motivational speech?”

“Well, who else is going to tell you that you’re changing? No one knows you as well as I do, admit it.”

“Alright.” Y/N rolled her eyes. “Keep praising me.”

Edward laughed. “Shut up or I’ll never give you a compliment ever again.”

“How sad.”

Just then there came a loud knocking from Y/N’s door, and then Tiana shouting her name. Looking back on the screen at Edward who seemed a little taken aback by the sudden commotion, Y/N cocked her head to the side.

“I’ll call you in a bit? Just need to know what Tiana’s on about.”

“Sound.” Edward nodded. “Bye, Goose.”

“Bye, Maverick.”

Hanging up, Y/N put her phone away on her desk before she rose and opened the door for Tiana who took a hold of her wrist. She dragged her to her room and over to her laptop, Annie sitting on Tiana’s bed and Teresa on FaceTime on her MacBook. On the screen was an e-mail, and judging by the tight grip Tiana had of Y/N’s wrist, it was quite an important one.

“’Dear Tiana’,” said person read out loud. “’I am happy to inform you the landlord of the four-bedroom property 9 Alfriston Road, Clapham has accepted your application. You are now ready to make your admin fees and part deposit payments’.”

Y/N looked over at Tiana with wide eyes and a mouth agape. Her friend was only nodding back, bouncing back and forth on her feet with a squeal bubbling up from somewhere far down her throat. Y/N looked back, reading through the entire e-mail as all her other future flatmates were watching her. She smiled, looking at Teresa on the screen who was smiling, then Annie on the bed doing the same, and at Tiana who was clapping.

“We have a house for next year!”

“Oh, my God.” Y/N said, looking at the e-mail. “We have a house.”

“We just need to sign a contract, pay, and then show them some identification, then we’re ready to move in next year!”

“I can’t believe we got a house.” Y/N said. “And right by Clapham Common as well!”

“I know!” Tiana beamed. “It was the last one we looked at last week, remember? The one with three bedrooms upstairs and one downstairs?”

“The one with the small back garden and a bath?”

“Yes, bitch!” Tiana took the MacBook up from her desk, motioning for Y/N and Annie to get up. “Group hug!”

And with laughter in the air and arms slung around the others, all the girls felt an immense relief. Finally, they had someplace to live next year. Finally, they didn’t have to wonder what would happen if they didn’t find somewhere. Finally, they could stop worrying and start looking forward to a new year living together. The first thing Y/N told Edward when they FaceTimed again later was that her and the rest of her new flat had found somewhere to live next year, and once her father heard that, he broke down crying.

“Cannot believe my little poppet is moving into an actual house and has got to pay actual bills.” He sniffled. “Beyond happy for you.”

Tuesday, 17 March 2015

Harry What’re you up to today?

Y/N smiled.

Y/N Rehearsing some violin on campus. Why?

Harry Oh. Was just wondering if you wanted to chill or do summat, but don’t want to interrupt you rehearsing. Rain check?

For some reason, the fact that Harry so easily gave up made Y/N’s heart sink a little. She didn’t want him to just give in, she wanted to spend time with him, and if that meant less rehearsing and more Harry then so be it. So, Y/N did something she hadn’t really done before: took the initiative.

Y/N You could come chill in the room with me if you want.

Harry Really? Wouldn’t be a bad distraction?

Y/N I’m inviting you, am I not?

Harry Wicked.

Y/N smiled, looking at her violin in its case.

Harry Wait, where are you on campus?

Some days earlier, Y/N had reserved a study room for herself. Music students had specialised study room, soundproof ones that Y/N had never tried before. Though she had been a bit nervous about not finding it or using the wrong one, she had finally reached her study room, and planned on staying there for two hours. She had only been there for 30 minutes when Harry sent that text message, and though she knew she wouldn’t get much done with Harry there, she told him which number study room she was in and where to walk in the Antonin Artaud Building to get there.

While waiting for him, Y/N played Beauty and the Beast, one of the songs her and Teresa would be performing together. Closing her eyes, Y/N drifted off somewhere as she played, imagining Teresa’s voice flowing along with her notes and the magic they would create together. It didn’t take long for a knock to sound at the door, and when Y/N opened the door, Harry stood there with wide eyes.

“Hi.” He said, an instant smile on his face. “Alright?”

Y/N stepped aside and Harry walked inside, taking his coat off and putting it on the sofa. He was wearing his dark red turtleneck again, tucked into a pair of grey trousers. Right away, Y/N noticed how he wasn’t wearing his glasses. She loved it when he wore his glasses. He sat down in the sofa, letting go of a huge sigh as he settled himself in.

“Pretend like I’m not here.” He said, taking his phone out of his coat pocket. “Not about to ruin your rehearsing.”

Y/N giggled, walking over to the table where she had put her notes and her violin.

“But one question.” Harry said, sitting forth and resting his elbows on his knees as he looked up at her. Y/N glanced over her shoulder. Harry smiled. “How’s your day been?”

Y/N smiled, blushing slightly. “Decent, yours?”

“Decent.” Harry watched as Y/N got the violin out of the case. “Bloody majestic.”

Y/N knew that if she even dared look at Harry then, she would melt, because the mere way those two words left his lips – like warm breath meeting her freezing cheeks on a cold winter’s day – made her entire body tingle.

“You said you wouldn’t distract me.” She knew that if she answered him, he would say something back, and then they would be having a conversation. And she needed to rehearse. And not get distracted.

“Right.” He sat back, smiling a little as he turned his phone on. “Won’t say another word. Promise.”

“Doubt that.”

Harry glanced up at her again. “Oi, what you mean about that?”

“Just that you’re talkative.”

Harry huffed. “And that’s a bad trait? Quite like that part of my personality, thank you.”

“No talking!”

“Fine!”

The two laughed, and Y/N looked down at her music stand, reading the notes before placing her violin on her shoulder and raising the bow. Taking one glance at Harry to make sure he was actually keeping to himself and not watching her, Y/N started playing. The Elvis song she had found the notes to online floated into the air around her, and her entire body felt light. Creating music felt empowering, like being part of something bigger than oneself. It wasn’t words; it wasn’t a pronouncement; it wasn’t human. It was feelings; putting a sound to a feeling, to an emotion and way of being. It was magic in a sense. Because it was impossible to put words to everything, but with music you didn’t have to. Hearing a melody made you feel more than thousands of words ever could; a melody could hold more emotion than a single human could feel in an entire lifetime. As Y/N made a world of her own, a world where only herself and the music she was making was of existence, time and space evaporated from all around. A sky drifted across the blue morning sky and around the globe until it was no more, and that was how Y/N felt when playing her violin. She was floating, flying over the globe and the humans that inhabited it.

“Is that Suspicious Minds?”

Y/N stopped playing, opening her eyes to look at him.

“Shit, didn’t mean to interrupt you. Sorry.” Harry motioned zipping his lips shut and throwing the key away, going back to looking down at his phone.

“Yea.” Y/N nodded. “Elvis fan?”

He glanced at her again, eyebrows raised as he was a little shocked she wanted to talk and not rehearse. “Yea.” Harry said. “Favourite artist of all time.”

“What’s your favourite song?”

“By Elvis?”

Y/N smiled. “Of all time.”

“All the Way by Frank Sinatra.”

Y/N sat down in the office chair, tuning her violin as she nodded. “You like-“

“-No, wait.” Harry turned his phone off. “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes by The Platters. Fucking tune.”

“I’ve never heard that one.”

“No?��

“Nope.”

“You’ll have to listen to it one time then.” Harry said, smiling as he watched her. “It’s magical.”

Y/N smiled, looking at her notes.

“How do you…” Harry glanced at the violin. “How do you play the violin?”

She looked over at him, feeling like someone squeezed her heart in the best way possible when she caught him actually looking intrigued by the instrument of her dreams. Biting her lip, she got her bow, and rolled her chair over to the sofa where Harry sat. He watched her, trying not to smile as widely as he seemed to want to. Y/N placed it on her shoulder and watched as Harry studied her every move, his gaze hot against her skin.

“Is it hard?”

“What?”

“Playing the violin.” Harry was almost whispering, as if talking to loudly in close proximity to the instrument would tarnish it in some way.

“Want to hold her?”

Their eyes met. “Her?”

“Yea. I call my violin a her. She’s my baby.”

Harry let out a single chuckle as Y/N removed her instrument from her shoulder.

“Want to?”

“Hold her?”

“Only if you trust me enough to.” Harry said, face turning serious. “I don’t want to hold her if you don’t like anyone else doing so, or something of the sort.”

“I trust you not to throw her across the room and ruin her.” Y/N said and Harry laughed. She motioned for him to hold his hands out so she could place the violin in his hands. Once he did, and their hands met for a single second, she felt just how cold his were. He had just walked here after all, but no matter how cold his hands were, his skin meeting hers still felt like hot electricity started flowing from the exact spot they had made contact.

Y/N cleared her throat, touching Harry making her a little dizzy. “Ehm, there’s… there’s no set way to hold the violin.” She looked up into his eyes, his already intent and on her. “This is just my way of doing it. Holding a violin is much like driving a car; there’s no exact way of doing it, just the general rules, but everyone has their own way of driving a car, just like everyone has their own way of holding their violin.”

Harry nodded, his green eyes wide with interest.

“You want to place it on our shoulder like this.” Y/N guided it down to his shoulder. “And rest your chin on the chin rest, as that’s what it’s there for.”

Harry leaned his jaw on the chin rest.

Y/N shook her head. Gently, she took a grip of the other side of his jaw, tilting his head till his chin was on the chin rest. “Want to be looking at the violin a you’re playing. The music stand and sheet will be there in that direction.”

“Hmm.” Harry mumbled, eyes closing for a long second, vibrating through Y/N’s finger still resting on his jaw. His skin was very soft there, Y/N realised, and he didn’t have that slight stubble he would sometimes have. He must’ve recently shaved. She drew her hand back, not allowing herself to let her mind wander.

“And that’s how you hold the violin. Of course, you’ll have different positions and all that, but you hold the neck very lightly as you need to change notes and stuff.”

Harry was eerily quiet as he sat holding the violin.

Y/N cleared her throat, deciding not to think too much into it. “Then the bow.” She held it out for him, and he took it with his right hand. “The wood of the bow is this,” Y/N pointed to the part Harry was holding carefully, sitting forward in her chair as he was holding it up to his face. She let her finger trace the wood, avoiding Harry’s fingers. “And underneath you’ve got the hair. Try not to touch the hair at all, because all the dirt, grease, and oils you have on your hands can easily be transferred to the hair and it can stop the hair absorbing the rosin we put on the bow, which helps the bow grip onto the strings-“

Right over the bow, Harry’s eyes were staring at Y/N with so much concentration and intrigue that it made her gasp a little. They sat there like that for a little while, just staring at the other. The bow hanging in the air between them and the quietness of the room deafening. Slowly Harry removed the bow from where it was, carefully putting it down on his coat before he looked back at Y/N. It took Y/N a bit off guard when his free hand reached for her face, thumb stroking down her cheek delicately as if she would break if he didn’t treat her with care. They were so close, the air hot with electricity around them. As Harry’s hand travelled down her neck and to the back of it, taking a light grip and guiding her forward to him, Y/N put wasn’t able to take her eyes off him. Neither of them closed their eyes until their lips met. Neither of them took a breath until their lips met. Neither of them could believe it had taken them this long to finally kiss. Because oh my God, Y/N thought, did it feel good kissing Harry. Every cell in her body was dancing, her heart was flying wildly inside her chest, and all blood rushed through her veins.

She was leaning forward to the point of almost falling out of her chair, so she let her hands rest on his thigh, to which Harry drew in a sharp breath. Their lips detached, only for Harry to tip his head a little to the side, gaining better access. This time, he was gentle as he slipped his tongue in ever so slightly, not wanting to overwhelm her in the slightest. Y/N only breathed heavily in response, and Harry squeezed the back of her neck. In return, she squeezed his thighs and Harry trembled a little, kissing her harder.

“Wait.” He mumbled into her mouth.

He got up, making Y/N draw back. Taking the bow, Harry walked over to the violin case and put the violin and bow neatly into their places before he came back.

“Come sit in my lap, darling.”

Y/N got up, and as she put both of her knees on either side of his hips, hands landing on his shoulders, she was reminded of the bathroom stall at The Grand. Harry seemed to be thinking the same thing, because he smiled as he kissed her again, hands resting at her knees. As their tongues tangled and lips locked and detached, Harry’s hands travelled up her thighs. Slowly he made his way up to her bum, where he let them rest for only a few seconds before placing both his hands on her hips to hold her. It was intoxicating to have Harry touch her like this, as if she had been drinking a whole bottle of wine, but she had only tasted his tongue and the moment they were sharing right now. She let her hands trail down his front, loving it when Harry slid his tongue over her bottom lip quickly before he kissed her again. Her hands stopped as she reached his navel, fingertips resting there as Harry whimpered under her. A low moan entered her mouth, and she was sure nothing she had ever tasted before could compare to it.

“Jesus.” Harry said, breathing heavily. “Know how to get a bloke at your complete surrender, don’t you?”

“Not really.”

“Well,” Harry chuckled. “I’m at yours, Y/N Picot. I’ve quite literally surrendered myself to you. Completely.”

Y/N couldn’t help her smile.

“Love to taste that,” Harry whispered, rubbing his nose once against hers. “Your happiness.”

Y/N smiled even wider, feeling herself giggle against his lips.

“Kiss me.” Harry breathed. “Always kiss me. And never stop.”

Wednesday, 25 March 2015

The sky overhead was a light orange, outlined with a pretty purple that made the darkening evening sky look like the creation of a marble. Y/N walked in the decent temperature with a dungaree Y/Net, hands in its pockets and her head raised high. Even London seemed to be relaxed, the bustling of people and cars that used to be along the Albert Bridge Road, Battersea Park, and Battersea University, weren’t as overwhelming as they usually were. Y/N made her way across the street, looking down on her phone at the text from Archie Poole.

Archie Meet you outside Gaskell Building. Xxxx

Y/N had been to the LGBTQ+ Society meetings before – maybe two – and each time she was looking more and more forward to going. The whole gang was so nice, welcoming her with open arms whenever she decided to show up. She found herself rather at home with the lot, there was a peace about them that felt like closing her eyes and drifting off into a deep and harmonious slumber. They held a security she had never before experienced with anyone. Before each meeting she had met with Archie beforehand so they could walk inside together. He was the only one she knew by name yet, though she was slowly but surely getting to know all of them. It was good distraction from uni, because as Y/N entered that room Y/N knew she was amongst people who wouldn’t judge her about anything. She was amongst people who knew her biggest secret; the part of herself she had yet to fully accept and tell the world about. And because of this, it felt incredibly good walking to campus that afternoon, knowing she’d meet with these people again.

As she crossed the street, walking up to the gravel walkway leading down to the university, Y/N heard voices further down the street. Thinking nothing of it as there were always loads of people out and about at all hours in London, she continued on her way, humming along to the piece she was learning for her and Teresa’s first set. Rounding the corner, on her way down the path to uni, she was suddenly stopped.

“Y/N!”

She looked over her shoulder, heart racing a bit. There was Becky, waving at her and giving her one of those smiles Y/N could never decide was fake or genuine. With her was El, Blessing and a group of other people Y/N didn’t know the name of. She assumed they were from Becky’s course, or someone El and Blessing knew. Regardless, they were walking in her direction. Her eyes flicked to the Gaskell Building where she saw Archie already waiting, looking down on his phone.

“Hi!” Becky said, still smiling.

“Hi.” Y/N did a once over of all her friends, giving them a small smile before meeting Becky’s eyes again.

“What’re you doing at uni this late?” Becky asked. Y/N noticed how her flatmate’s smile grew wider.

“Heading to the library.” She said. For some reason Y/N felt her heart racing, a small panic rising in her chest as if something was about to go very wrong.

Becky looked at Y/N’s shoulder real quick. “You don’t have your rucksack with you.”

That feeling of something about to head south intensified, because as Becky’s eyes went from Y/N’s shoulders and to her eyes again, she saw something in her eyes that made her stomach turn. “No, I-I’m getting a book.” Y/N said, shoving her hands into her Y/Net pockets. The whole group behind Becky was studying her, taking in her outfit and the careful way she held herself. They must’ve noticed along with Becky that something was off; that Y/N was lying.

Becky cocked her head a little to the side, the frown on her face a fake type of concerned. “And you’re just going to carry it back to the flat? Why not bring something to put it in?”

Y/N felt like throwing up. Becky knew what Y/N was doing there. There was no way Y/N was going to the library wearing normal wear, as it would just be stupid to get dressed up to go loan a book. The only event going on at uni right then was the one Y/N was actually going to. And no one but Y/N and the LGBTQ+ Society knew.

“Y/N!”

She looked over at the Gaskell Building where Archie stood, walking over now. Becky glanced at him, taking him in and quickly recognising him. Archie had stood by the booth at the Freshers Fayre, talking about the LGBTQ+ Society, and Becky had no doubt walked by and caught his face and cause. As he approached, Becky gave him that smile again before looking at Y/N.

“I’ll see you at the flat once you’ve loaned that book, yea?” Becky walked off with that, talking with her friends as she went.

Immediately, Y/N walked in Archie’s direction. Her heart was in her throat, panic prickling along every inch of her skin, tickling her. She felt like scratching all layers off herself till she was no more, till the only thing that was left was her bones. Her bones where she couldn’t hurt in any other way than physical; where she didn’t feel panic; where she didn’t feel the overwhelming need to run far away from Battersea and Becky and everything that made her feet yearn to escape.

“You alright?” Archie asked as they met, voice as feathery light as it always was. “What’re you running for, darl?”

Y/N looked at Becky and her friends who had disappeared from view, when she stared back at Archie, she didn’t know how to properly form words anymore. She was scared, shaken up, and unable to tell him that she wanted to go back home to Hawkley where nothing and no one could find her if she hid away in her boat by the lake.

“What’s up?”

Y/N inhaled sharply. “I…”

Archie nodded, urging her on.

“I’m…” Y/N swallowed, wrapping her Y/Net around herself. “I don’t want them to know.”

Archie knew what Y/N was saying, and his expression softened.

“I’m not ready for them… for her… to know.”

“They don’t.” Archie reassured her. “It’s okay, Y/N. They don’t know unless you want them to.”

But Y/N knew that wasn’t true. She bit her lip, feeling like her world was about to fall into a million tiny pieces she would have a very hard time finding and properly put back together.

TAGLIST

@swayingnoodlelove @littlestyles @showk1ndness @sydneysuit @hallwayharry @emotionally-imbruised @fuckyeahimahobbit @beksjewels @harryisadogperson @harryrocksagoodsuit @ifiwereaboy2323 @tiostyles @maroonmolly @harrysroguecurl @awomanindeniall @justsaying20 @ot4narrie @miss-nxvxcaine @sunflowersandrockstars @hard-on-harry @emma070900 @shitibitmytonge @always-jackedup @rainbowbutterflyboy @shegotthesalt @harrytreatspeoplewithkindnesss @mleestiles @bloodcastle30155 @harryskiwi2 @brielyse11 @for-fucks-sake-h @treat-harry-with-love @permanentllyharry @flooome @harryfeatcalum @harrystrugglestache @hydra-barnes @violets-parma @shadowsndaisies @messyherz @dancinglikeamadpersoninthedark @kakaym @loveandyourstrulyh @onedirectionhoe @yes-daddy-i-willl @itsnoneofyourbusiness94 @bbyfacestyles @stylisthazel @givemesomemore @thelux47 @its-all-about-harrystyles

Would you like to be notified when I update Symphonies of You? Tell me here and I’ll add you to the taglist!

[switchdnp]

Unexpected Sub Drop

Summary: Martyn and Cornelia are staying over at their house tonight to hang out and catch up with them. They played various board games and watched several movies. It has been an enjoyable night but when they called it a day, Dan obviously had other plans. When they were doing the do, Phil experiences something he hasn't experienced before and panics. Dan takes care of Phil and fluff ensues.

Warning/s: dom/sub undertones, smuttt, 

Word Count: 2093

Read on AO3

"Shhhh... Keep quiet Phil. You wouldn't want your brother to hear you moaning my name, right?" Dan whispered hoarsely against Phil's ear. He could feel Dan's hot breath tickling a spot between his neck and ears which sent delicious shivers down his spine. 

 Well, that's easier said than done. It's not like it's my fault that I am like this! Phil thought.  

 He couldn't answer Dan coherently if he tried talking because then, the voices he's restraining would come out. He manages a small yes and bites his lip to avoid making unnecessary noises.    

 *a while ago    

 Martyn and Cornelia are staying over at their house tonight to hang out and catch up with them. They played various board games and watched several movies. It has been an enjoyable night but when they called it a day, Dan obviously had other plans. As Martyn and Cornelia retire to the guest bedroom, Dan follows Phil to his bedroom; and as soon as they both entered the room, Dan closes and locks the door whilst pushing Phil to the bed.    

 "Dan, what are you doing-?!" Phil gasped when Dan climbs on the bed and kisses him fervently. It was not a kiss that was slow and relaxing, it was the exact opposite. It was the type of kiss they like when they're pent up and   couldn't wait for an alone time again because of their busy schedules; but they were alone right now and Phil wonders why Dan is being rough and gives bruising kisses.    

 "I can't get my hands on you like usual and it's very frustrating, it's your fault for being so attractive." Dan mutters, kissing from Phil's neck to his jaw and down to his neck. He feels big calloused hands go underneath his long-sleeved shirt, caressing his slim waist, soon lingering on his bum which is covered only by his pajamas.   

 Phil was about to make a remark about what Dan said but before he could do so, Dan's other hand tweaks his nipple while the other hand gropes his ass. He has very sensitive nipples and doing that including the other ministrations Dan did made him instantly hard and he subconsciously let out a high-pitched moan, which is unlike his normal baritone voice.   

 "As much as I love the sounds you make, we have to remember that we have guests tonight." Dan whispers, turning Phil over on his stomach. He removes Phil's pajama bottoms and lifts Phil slightly so that he's on all fours. He cups Phil's chin from behind and moves his neck to a side, giving him more access to kiss the smooth, pale neck of his boyfriend. When Dan pressed his chest to Phil's back, he felt Dan's hard-on too. Phil blushes when he feels how hard Dan is and wonders how long he has been this hard.  

 "Why is your sex drive still like a teenager's, I swear you're always horny!" Phil says in a hushed tone, trying to make it seem that he doesn't like what Dan's doing but his breathy voice betrays him completely.  

 Dan sees Phil's neck and ears turn red and chuckles, he gropes Phil’s cock, moving his hands up and down tantalizingly. Making sure to play with the head and tighten his hold, teasing him. 

 "You say that, but you're hard as fuck in just a few minutes." Phil wanted to moan, he wasn't used to holding back his voice; instead, he bites the duvet on his bed which efficiently prevented his noises from slipping.   

 "It's been a while so I have to prep you," Dan says as he grabs the lube from Phil's bedside drawer.    

 "Uhmm, it's fine Dan. I may or may not have used a vibrator earlier so... uhm" If it was possible, Phil's cheeks turned a darker shade of red from embarrassment. He knows that Dan's going to tease him about it and he knows that it would last a long time before Dan lets it go.   

 "I guess you don't need me then, seeing that the vibrator is more appealing than your boyfriend." Dan said smirking as he poured a generous amount of lube on his hands and lubed up his dick, not bothering with a condom. 

 "Shut up... I w-want you. So hurry up and do it already!" Phil says and looks behind him to look Dan in the eyes with a pleading look.

 Dan feels like he might cum right about now if he continued stroking his dick when he saw how Phil looked.

 His eyes are almost completely black, lips red and swollen by having been roughly kissed, and the hard blush on his cheeks looked erotic, the contrast between the paleness of his skin and the bright red creating a lovely image of Phil that Dan wouldn't want anyone to see.

 "Seeing that you're so lost already, I suppose I have to help you." Dan says, like he was the one who is doing Phil a favor when in reality, he wouldn't know what to do if Phil didn’t comply right now; he'd probably get mad due to sexual frustration.    

 He put lube on his fingers and slowly put in two at once, it is soft and loose. He fingers Phil as he stroked his dick and when he felt Phil push himself on his fingers he aligned himself up and entered Phil slowly, relishing in Phil's still tight heat; pushing until he bottomed out. He was a huge and tall man and his member was obviously more than average so it took quite a while for him to bottom out.     

 Phil feels like he was on fire, he and Dan has done this a lot of times before and he wasn't sure why he's feeling it more than usual today when he had gotten himself off in the morning. He thinks that maybe it's because his brother and his brother's girlfriend was on the room next to them and the risk of being heard by his brother was giving him mixed feelings.   

 Dan started slowly but eventually getting into a rough pace, hitting something inside of Phil that made him forget that they have guests and let out a cry of imminent pleasure.    

 "Shhhh... Keep quiet Phil. You wouldn't want your brother to hear you moaning my name, right?" Dan whispered hoarsely against Phil's ear. He could feel Dan's hot breath tickling a spot between his neck and ears which sent delicious shivers down his spine.      

 He couldn't answer Dan coherently if he tried talking because then, the voices he's restraining would come out. He mutters something which sounds something along the lines of I can't help it and bites his lip to avoid making unnecessary noises.   

 "Want me to help?" Dan says in between his hard thrusts. He feels Phil nod in agreement, taking this a cue to change their position a bit. He pulls Phil towards him so that they are both on their Knees and his big hand covers Phil's mouth, his other hand on Phil's stomach for support.   

 Phil was now a moaning mess, he feels wetness prickle his eyes as he struggles to breathe due to the overwhelming pleasure he feels from their new position and the feeling of not having a way to let out the intense pleasure he feels through his noises. Apparently, their new position gave Dan more access to go deeper and Dan kept hitting that spot inside him that made him want to run away and stay at the same time. His hand found its way to Dan's soft curls pulling it slightly and the other on Dan's arm which is on his stomach holding him in place, he knows that his fingernails are digging in Dan's skin but he couldn't seem to care at the moment.   

 Phil feels dizzy, getting lost in the overwhelming pleasure that he feels making him inaudible, just uttering incoherent sounds that are muffled by Dan's hands. Phil feels various intense emotions; it almost feels like he was in another dimension, somewhere, where the pain is indistinguishable from his pleasure.   

 It wasn't long before Phil feels the heat pool in his stomach. Dan sensed that Phil's close from how he's tightening and clenching on him so he used the hand that was on Phil's stomach to jack him off in time with his thrusts.  

 On one hard thrust, Phil cums on his sheets some even landed on his chest. It was so sudden and all too soon and it's too much at the same time.

 Appreciating Dan's hand on his mouth for it muffled his cries of Dan's name in ecstasy from being heard. Soon after Phil came, Dan's thrusts got much more fervent and erratic, biting Phil in between his neck and shoulders when he came inside Phil to restrain himself from making noises too. He hears Phil's muffled whimper when he bites him remembering that he still has his hand covering Phil's mouth and releases him gently.   

 Phil could feel Dan's thick cum go deep in him, he feels wrecked and claimed. When Dan releases him, he wants to calm down and clean up but his body wouldn't follow him. He can't seem to calm down from his high and his body is convulsing and he is letting out breathy moans involuntarily. He can't seem to think straight and he feels panicky, not knowing what's happening to him.   

 "D-Dan... nghhh-" Phil mutters as he weeps, voice so small that Dan wouldn't be able to hear it if he's not near him.   

 When Dan sees the state Phil is in he was confused for a moment until it clicks in his mind. He has read about this in some articles but he did not know that it could actually happen. He shouts at himself for being so stupid to not notice that Phil's in subspace and he has just experienced a sub drop, which could be emotionally harmful for Phil if he won't do anything. Dan immediately sets Phil on his back and snuggles closer to him. He takes Phil's hands and puts his palm on his chest, letting him feel his heartbeat.   

 "Phil baby, come back to me." Dan whispers, making Phil's teary eyes look at him. 

 "Breathe with me. It's okay Phil, let's calm down together okay? Inhale... exhale..." Dan breathes with Phil and tries to calm the other's harsh breathing pattern. He thought that subspace only happens in BDSM scenes and he read that it is quite hard to achieve it but he guessed he thought wrong. Phil tries to focus on Dan's voice, trying hard to stop weeping and relishes in the feeling of Dan's heartbeat on his palm, still feeling the intense emotions and dizziness but he's breathing slower now. 

 "That's good, focus on me okay. It's okay to cry if you feel like it. Let it all out, I won't leave you..." Dan says in a soothing way, hoping that Phil would let out his feelings so that he could regain his normal self. Phil then wept on Dan's chest and slowly, the convulsions stopped and he feels like he could talk again. Only the dizziness and the exhaustion remain. 

 "I'm sorry Philly, I'm dumb. I should've noticed." Dan says feeling angry at himself for being the reason Phil had to go through that without him knowing.  

 "I'm f-fine; it's just s-so overwhelming... I d-don't even know what happened." Phil stuttered, still confused about the whole situation.   

 "But I do, you've just experienced a sub drop Philly. It's an intense feeling after you reached subspace and I-" Dan says but was interrupted by Phil who kissed him, short but sweet.  

 "I'm alright now, Dan. Please, I feel icky but I want cuddles." Phil mutters, Dan decides that he'll have to talk to Phil about this tomorrow because it would definitely make a change in their sex life, but for now, he'll have to indulge him in affection for what he has just experienced.   

 "Of course..." Dan stands up and gets a washcloth and wipes him and Phil, he also manages to change their duvet which is sweaty and disgusting. After cleaning up, he pulls Phil so that he was spooning him, kissing his back and whispering sweet nothings in his ear.   

 "I love you, Phil. We'll talk about this tomorrow okay? For now, let's just sleep, you're probably exhausted" Dan says, waist around Phil and locking their fingers together as he let his eyes close and the feeling of being satiated get to him    

 "I love you too, Bear." 

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S3 Ep 38: Joey Takes Seto Out on a Pity Duel

Woo I’m back from Vancouver, which is a beautiful city--so freakin clean. Like I dunno if any Canadians read this blog but DAMN, it was so clean! It’s always nice to travel, be fancy, pig out on poutine, cry about how much you miss Uber, and pretend you’re another person for a little while, but at some point I had to come home, where, after the adrenaline of travel wore off, I realized I had actually been running a fever the entire time. (it was hard to tell yousee because there’s been a massive heatwave? It’s a long story)

So, I say this to explain that at some point during this week when I was a litttttttle out of it, I decided to put a Yugioh post together, and so it might be a little less than coherent than it normally is. But hey, it’s a short episode, and so I will leave it up to bro. If bro allows it, the post will go up, if bro tells me to go to hell to bed and take a break then I just won’t post anything and y’all can assume I was eaten by a bear in downtown Vancouver.

Bro’s decided Yugioh doesn’t make a whole ton of sense anyway so I guess we’ll be posting it.

So, where were we? That’s right, Kaiba lost a card game, which is like...most of what he does in this show.

Kaiba has had...a FEW meltdowns over the course of this show but in this one he’s decided it was high time to roll into a little ball and wallow in so much self pity, and it sure was a look that everyone else just had to kind of awkwardly watch.

(read more under the cut)

And then, he says, apropos of nothing, this exact line.

Kaiba, I swear.

On the other end of the field, Yugi and friends have decided to ignore this desperate plea for help and are just all smiles because this show loves nothing more than to dunk on Kaiba. It’s nice that no matter how much this show tries to make Kaiba into a relatable character that we should feel bad for, they will always go right back to just dunking on him, every single opportunity they get.

The kids are also thrilled that Joey’s no longer a victim in the hospital.

Don’t worry about it, Joey’s fine now, don’t think about it, it’s fine. This is very Joey Wheeler, who, despite being possessed and concussed so many times, seems to get through his entire, stressful life, completely free of all consequences. He’s fine.

And then, out of nowhere, Pharaoh just lets loose all this pent up angst he’s been harboring against Seto. the timing is just so weird because Seto’s like “I have no one to blame but myself” and Pharaoh’s like “oh are you open to suggestions? I have so many suggestions.” and just starts piling on unsolicited critiques like internet rando’s piling on an child’s art forum.

Like it’s been kind of a while since Pharaoh’s been this condescending--basically since Season 1--and he was loving it. It was still a very weird fight he and Seto had where basically everyone ganged up on Kaiba and demanded that Kaiba make more friends.

And it’s like guys...Seto’s having a hard time right now and his Dad and Brother died this morning, like...maybe instead of demanding he make friends with you, you just kinda...give him some space? Not like any of these kids would have any idea what personal space is considering they run into each other’s brains like 2 times a season.

It’s just the entitlement coming off of the Yugi team is sort of remarkable. Granted, Kaiba is an asshole, but like...was this necessary? No. But Pharaoh sure did it anyway.

And then Pharaoh threw Joey in there just to brag? It was just the weirdest humble brag cat fight between Yugi, who is arguably the most weird and unpopular kid in their school and Seto, who is just as unlikeable because he is a random ass college student that is attending a High School and yet can’t seem to accelerate past Yugi’s grade.

But anyways, this is an anime, so there must always be that one kid who just refuses to make friends with anyone (although he’s clearly the instigator of all their hang outs). Gotta have that trope of the tsundere friend.

And so at this point I guess Joey was feeling kinda bad for Kaiba, because he mentions that he was once much like Kaiba. Joey says he used to pick on people all the time and he didn’t want any friends, and I’d probably know more about that if I went back to Season Zero one of these days...but Joey decides to extend a hand in friendship. Which, going by Joey’s definition, means he decides to offer a duel that has no magic in it. A blessed, rare, thing.

That’s right, you read the title, Joey decides to take Seto out on a pity duel. There really is no other way to read this, Joey is just...so determined to make Seto feel better so he doesn’t jump directly off this tall structure like Seto has threatened to do once a season since this show began.

So, now that Joey has tricked Seto into a play date, everyone decided to get off the duel tower, and instead duel on this pile of rubble at the base of it that MUST be completely covered in seagull poop. It makes for a nice dystopian background. I mean how much rebar was in those buildings Seto blew up?

Also, I almost forgot that Marik’s “good” side has been inhabiting Tea.

And of course it was Tristan who noticed this and immediately jumped to the bathroom conclusion. He would.

He would.

In actuality, Marik decided to pay a visit to his sister to bring up something that has been bothering him for an entire season that I have completely forgotten about.

YEAH.

I mean there’s been a LOT of filler between that moment that Marik overheard his Sister tell everyone that Marik murdered their Dad over seeing a single picture of a motorcycle and now. So much filler that I would have assumed even Marik forgot at this point but nah, we’re gonna talk about this. We’re gonna talk abut this very heavy thing that has been weighing on Marik’s mind for probably several years now. The thing that pushed Marik off that ledge in the first place.

And that’s really all they seem to say about it. Marik seems pretty well adjusted to the fact that his evil half did this. Maybe after the time he’s been stewing in Tea’s bean, staring at that one parrot and his reflection in the ballet mirrors, Marik came to terms with how he murdered his own Dad.

Nice that he did that emotional beat offscreen, but this is Yugioh so that screentime got cut for more cards I guess.

So, Marik decides it’s time he use this Tea-quality gorilla strength and get to punching out his possessed body.

Oh hell it’s a fight scene with Tea.

Next update and every update will be me looking forward to this fight scene with Tea.

I know that the show hasn’t touched on other important things, like how Mokuba and Seto seem to be having a bit of a falling out, or how Pharaoh just saw himself die, or how Joey is still carrying around guilt from how much of an asshole he was in his past but like...

...I really want to see this fight scene with Tea.

Anyways if you just got here, this is a link to read the Yugioh journey from the beginning.

[dyingunknown-blog]

BEGINNINGS + GENDER

As said in the introduction: this is a selfish blog where I rant about myself and my feelings. Here goes my first ramble. Within this ramble contains bits of: gender, femininity,  sexuality and eating disorders. Y’know, the usual mix of edgy Tumblr content. I am posting this in celebration of Pride Month (!!! YAY!!! I HONESTLY LOVE PRIDE MONTH) but also because I’ve had this build up in my heart for too long. 

A NOTE BEFORE I BEGIN...

I know you (reader) cannot hear me doing this, so imagine me (author) taking a deep breath, filling my semi spacious lungs, and releasing all that pent up air with a heavy sigh. 

Here we fucking go. Here’s to tip of the iceberg, from 4 years of pent up gay shit to recent moments of gentle gender dysmorphia. Do not expect my writing to be fully coherent, nor written in the best grammar. I am writing for my own therapeutic needs, because I gotta get some of this energy released and I have nowhere else to dump this. This piece is a full on rant, as in I literally wrote this angrily tapping away at 2-4 am. However, I’d like to mention that I mean no offence to any parties, and simply want to vent out some of the deep thoughts I’ve been pacing around for the past few years. Feel free to send me a message regarding your personal feelings, or to just chat. I’m always here as a friend and listener <3 

WHERE IT ALL BEGAN...

I think I owe myself and you (reader) an explanation on where things began to really start. The main “spark” that got me going and prompted me to start this blog was when I found myself unable to stop playing songs by Dorian Electra. Actually-- to be honest-- it was the music videos that really got me going. The glorious explosion of just “QUEER” screaming and banging its head at my 13 inch Mac Book Pro got me extremely inspired to actually do something about the gross reactions of confusion that were occurring in my brain and body. As Dorian Electra put it, “You know I’m not straight, but I’m gonna give it straight to you.” So here’s my best shot at “giving it straight.” 

By the way... I’m from a fairly traditional family with high hopes for me, so the most freedom I can really grasp onto is starting an anonymous Tumblr blog at 2 am laying naked with just my underwear on. 

PERSONAL TOPIC 1: GENDER...

So here’s the thing, I stick to my biological birth gender like it’s my lifeline-- my comfort zone-- I guess, if anything. I personally feel like gender and sexuality have their own little symbiotic (or perhaps parasitic???) relationship, where one’s gender impacts their sexuality-- but I can also accept that my understanding is probably not politically correct. I can say, however, with a heavy heart: 

I am utterly fucked when I think about my gender and sexuality. 

I’ll take it easy first and rope down my feelings towards my gender and its definition. I jokingly scream in the halls that gender is a social construct, but let’s be honest-- is it not?  Other than our dongle-longs and hoochie-has, what makes a woman different from a man? I mean maybe it is just the sausage and the grapefruit, but I’d like to argue that... Just kidding, the more I think about it the more I fall into a rabbit hole where I can’t figure out what a male is and what a female is. I mean what are they? Is it based off of the definition I provide for myself, or what society conveniently slams into my face? Is the LGBTQ+ community the people who get to decide or is it the Westboro Baptist Church??? 

Note: these are not a rhetorical question, please answer this to your opinion because I’m in desperate need of some kind of direction beyond biology. I accept all ideologies and concepts. I’m just hella confused. 

Ehem.

Anyways, my own battle with gender goes beyond not knowing where the “line” is, or if it even exists (again, I’m still not sure if this is a personal question or something based on society...) It also goes into where I stand on this polarised scale. See-- I have a bean, a hole, and melons. Alas, in slightly more proper terms, I have a clitoris, vagina and breasts. So what does that mean for me? Am I automatically a woman? For the first 17 years of my life, I would respond to that question with a VERY confident nod. Pink was once my favourite colour, I like boys, dresses, cute animals and romcoms. My physical body only went to assure what I already knew. Now? I’m not so sure. As it is more acceptable nowadays to be “queer,” I’ve slid into the an identity crisis where I realise I’ve never revelled in the fact that I had tiddies, nor felt comfortable about having a coochie. I used to blame my confusion regarding my comfort in my biological gender on the growing queer influences in my life-- after all, everyone wants to be special and sometimes being apart of the LGBTQ+ community is the best way to stand out, especially when it’s being shoved in your face with media. Everyone who comes out of the closet is faced with incredible amounts of love and attention, and my younger self thought “maybe I should get on the boat” hence, labelling myself as bisexual for the longest time without truly feeling like I am (until in recent years.)  I blamed my confusion in identity and sexuality on the attention whore who lived inside of my heart. My feelings were only justified as true this year, when I found myself staring at myself in the mirror and couldn’t help but to feel unhappy with what I presented myself with. Undies clad with a slightly cropped black muscle tank, I could see the linings of a “V” line on my lower abdomen and felt kinda hot about it. I did the annoying fuckboy pose (you know, the one where the guy is biting his shirt to reveal his oh-so-humble six pack) and found it... kinda fun? I did have a 36D underboob flail around, but my focus was more on my bottom half, with my Victoria Secret blue lace underwear and masculine illusion.  It wasn’t like a grand glorious moment, nor was it like I was the tomboy of the house and everyone just “knew” and I only had to convince myself. Instead, it was an anti-climatic moment where I realised “fuck, I have another problem on my hands that I can’t ignore anymore.” 

I don’t know if I truly identify as female or male. Honestly, I don’t really think I need to identify myself, but that’s the 30% of my consciousness who is super queer, chill and cool. See, the other 70% of my mind is going in a frenzy screaming, because I just lost one of my key defining attributes. Think that episode of Spongebob, where Spongebob’s brain cells are screaming and throwing papers around the office setting of his brain.

Another question has also become increasingly relevant in my journey of finding my “true inner zen self.” 

Who am I choosing my gender for?

In 2018, and most of the years before, I adored being loved by boys and having guys waggle their dicks like dog tails for my tits and ass, but in 2019, I randomly figured out that I never liked my boobs for anything but that. I mean having an hourglass figure was always (and still is) a goal of mine, but I question for what reason. I’d like to say it’s for personal aesthetic appeal, but it wouldn’t be surprising to me if I just do it so people will like me more. In fact, I battled with bulimia for the very reason of: I don’t know what the fuck I want or like, but  the crowd likes “skinny thick” girls so lets do that by purging. Am I currently wearing a waist trainer and corset on top of each other because I like the outcome, or because the people around me like me more for it? I’m trying really hard not to segue into the alluring topic of toxic femininity, because I can rant for HOURS AND PAGES about that, so I’ll just say: I don’t know if I’m being a girl for myself or because I’ll be more liked for it. 

In all honesty, the truth regarding my gender became clearer the more I self conscious I became. In 2018, I fell into the trap of sending boys nudes (apologies for the TMI and sorry family if you somehow came across my blog and are currently reading this.)  I liked it for a millisecond. Why? Because it felt good to have someone desperate for me. That millisecond died off real fast. My own thoughts pooped my nude Alpha Female party with insecurity and fear of how my body compares to other girls my age. Three days after the first nude I sent I realised I hate my body. I felt empowered in the moment (honestly I do love the feeling of tease. I still do send ohohoho raunchy pics for the pure euphoria of just having someone crave me) but overall just left the experience with lingering guilt and self hatred. I wasn’t sure if I was doing this to please myself or others. I also abhor taking nudes, because I do not think I embody femininity and dislike my body for that very reason. Identifying as male makes me far more comfortable than as identifying as a female. I might have tits, I might have soft facial features, but I just don’t like how I mentally feel like I can’t compare to the unrealistic standard of femininity that women uphold. I spent my whole life trying to  tick the boxes under “female,” but always felt like I was just doing the bare minimum... Hence my past is full of desperation, the need to show skin for the sake of proving I’m “sexy” and being perfectly fine with getting mislabeled as a slut at school. Nowadays, I show skin because I’m comfortable and am learning to love my body. I am not okay with slut shaming in general, but I am most definitely not okay with being called a slut either because I’m still a fucking virgin. So hun, I really do wish I could call myself a slut and have that much game, but I’m very far from that.

Anyways, uh more on my gender crisis:  I’ve also always adored mens fashion and absolutely revel the aura of being the “alpha.” Ever since my middle school days, I’d secretly snoop around and envy the men’s section of Barney’s and Saks, because it just looks so damn cool. Excuse my lack of “high quality language,” I can hear my English teacher sighing about my lack of “professional” or “appropriate” language, but I really can’t express my feelings regarding mens fashion other than it’s fucking cool. I must say though, my style of clothing and expression of self doesn’t stop itself at mens fashion. In fact, I enjoy dressing to exhort a more dominant presence, whether it’s with a short denim skirt and tight crop top or a loose fitting silk blouse and skinny jeans with a belt. So I guess in a way, my fashion and what I feel comfortable in explains my gender for me. A little bit of both and a little bit of neither. Although the next step would definitely be playing around with my hair and piercing, but I think my traditional family would whoop my ass to the moon if I do it now, and I can’t say I’m not scared of regrets. I just want to discover myself a little more this year...

Regardless, I just wanna further clarify that I don’t feel comfortable being put as female, male or hell-- even androgynous.

And I gotta say, after holding this in and denying it for 4 years, it feels damn good to type it out and admit it.

 In deciding to be a “gender”, there are standards. Deciding to be anything comes with the price of standards. I just can’t personally handle not being able to fit into the standards there are for them... Especially now since people are so bothered on being politically correct, so if I’m “not being properly androgynous” or “not properly female,” I’ll get shit on, and if I’m not accepted by the mass majority, I’ll feel societal hate mixed with self hatred. 

I also want to say that sometimes I don’t feel like I have the right to be confused or declare a gender because I’ve been on the judgemental side before. 

In middle school one of my close friends moved away, and soon later began to label themselves as gender fluid. It was such a new concept that I initially thought that they were doing it as a publicity stunt, but slowly realised that it is indeed who they are. I wasn’t hateful, but I can’t say I’m innocent, even if it was when I was far younger and less understanding. I remember when they first started using their current pronouns, I was confused on how to utilise them and initially disregarded them. Today, I regret my ignorance. Misgendering can always be a mistake, but it can also be extremely spoiled, belittling and condescending. So even though I know someone that probably went through a similar journey as I am today, I feel guilty asking them about it because of the shit I gave them when I was 14.

 Additionally, I’m scared of being wrong about myself. I can’t describe it too well, but I’m just scared that I’ll slip up a wrong opinion and then be automatically thrown into the can of “special snowflake wannabe LGBTQ+” when in reality: I truly feel like I’m not of “cisgender” or anything normal. I don’t want to dip too deep into my history with crippling anxiety and experiences with depression, but I will say that I can’t help but to hate myself for being queer too.. Alas, I’ll have to learn how to get over that and continue loving myself, but what the hell am I going to do now? 2k words later and things aren’t exactly clearer, but I can (somewhat) confidently say that I know what I’ll do (for now.) 

As of today, June 17, 2019, I have decided to not give a fuck and to simply just identify with the LGBTQ+ community. I don’t feel comfortable identifying as male, female, neither, both, gender fluid, or anything else. I will simply put off gender and let people call me by whatever pronoun they want.

I just wanna be me. 

Until I find out something else, or become more comfortable with myself, or gather the confidence to “come out of the closet” and stop being so selfish and finally decide what the hell I am, it’ll probably just be like this for awhile.

And honestly? I think I’m okay with that.