#i don’t get notifs for anything oops

[lavendervoids]

haha ur actually so cool 😳♥️♠️

thank u i carefully cultivate an image on tumblr dot com that make me seem aloof and cool but i’m actually insane and insane.

yay 🖤

[yourbiggestcrybaby]

Sweater

Billie Eilish x Celebrity!Reader

Summary: A sweet moment with Billie takes a turn when you accidentally wear her sweater in public, and the paparazzi go wild. While the internet freaks out, Billie’s calm, teasing vibe makes it all feel less overwhelming. At the end of the day, it’s just you and her.

ICL this is literally drabble… (like 800 words 😭) I haven’t written in a while because school is getting insane, but this is based off a request I got that I deleted (oops).

I reply to requests within 1-2 days for anyone wondering, but some I might not do if they don’t fit my writing (I will be posting rules for requests soon!)

No warnings

The hotel room smelled faintly of lavender and Billie’s favorite candle, the one she insisted on bringing with her everywhere. The room wasn’t extravagant; it was simple, low-lit, and felt like her—calming, familiar. You two had been staying here for the last week or so as Billie was finishing her tour.

Billie was perched on the edge of the couch, her oversized black sweater swallowing her frame as usual. She was scrolling on her phone, but she looked up when you stepped out of the bathroom in your tank top and joggers, makeup-free and yawning.

“You look comfy,” she teased with a small smirk, putting her phone aside.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” you shot back, plopping down beside her. Her arm immediately wrapped around your shoulder, pulling you closer into her warmth. The hotel room might’ve been quiet, but the closeness, the way her thumb absentmindedly brushed against your arm, made the space feel electric.

Being with Billie like this felt unreal, but it had to stay a secret. Both of you were too famous, too in the public eye. You already struggled with the publicity and constant paperazzi and you knew if people found out about your relationship it would only get worse.

“You’re shivering,” Billie murmured, breaking your thoughts. She looked at you, her eyes soft with concern. Without waiting for you to respond, she tugged her sweater over her head, leaving her in a plain T-shirt underneath. She held it out to you. “Here, take it.”

“Billie, no, I’m fine!” you protested, though your teeth betrayed you by chattering lightly.

“Stop arguing and put it on. You know you want to.” She flashed a playful, crooked grin that made your heart skip.

With a roll of your eyes, you took the sweater and slipped it over your head. It was soft and oversized, the sleeves falling well past your hands, and it smelled like her—vanilla, a little musk, and something else uniquely Billie.

“You look better in it than I do,” she said, leaning back with a proud smirk.

You playfully nudged her with your shoulder. “Thanks, but I’m pretty sure that’s impossible.”

You stayed like that for a while, Billie humming softly as her fingers absentmindedly played with yours. It was easy to forget the world outside, the pressure of fame, the cameras waiting for either of you to slip.

The next morning, you woke up late, Billie still sprawled out beside you, her hand lightly resting against your back. You had a meeting to get to, though, so you carefully got out of bed, letting her sleep. You were already running late when you grabbed your stuff and threw the sweater on again without thinking—it was warmer than anything else you had packed.

The paparazzi were waiting outside.

You weren’t thinking about it as you stepped out of the building. Your sunglasses were on, your head down as your driver opened the car door for you. But the cameras flashed, the murmurs and shouts growing louder than usual.

“Wait, is that Billie’s sweater?”

“Are they dating?”

“That’s Billie Eilish’s! She wore that last week!”

You froze for half a second before sliding into the car, heart pounding. Of course they recognized it. You weren’t just anyone; you were you, and anything you wore or did could be picked apart by millions of fans online. By the time you got to your meeting, your phone was already blowing up. Texts, notifications, mentions—it was chaos.

Back in the hotel room, Billie was scrolling through Twitter when you walked in. She looked up, raising an eyebrow.

“Did you know we’re dating?” she asked, holding her phone up, a picture of you in her sweater plastered all over the screen.

Your cheeks burned. “I wasn’t thinking… I just threw it on because I was late.”

She grinned, leaning back against the couch. “So, what’s the plan? Do we deny it? Play dumb?”

“Let’s play dumb,” you said quickly, sitting beside her and burying your face in your hands. “I can’t believe I did that.”

Billie chuckled, her arm wrapping around your shoulders. “Honestly, it’s kind of funny. Let them freak out. We’ll keep them guessing.”

You peeked at her, still mortified, but her amused expression made it hard to stay embarrassed. “You’re taking this way too well.”

She pressed a kiss to your temple, her lips lingering for a moment. “It’s just a sweater. They don’t know anything real. And besides, if the world thinks you’re mine…” She smirked. “They’re not wrong.”

You groaned, but you couldn’t help smiling. Billie always found a way to make everything feel right.

[astranva]

Instagram Live

Word Count: 1k

Category: Fluff

Summary: Harry joins his girlfriend’s Instagram live.

..

There were a lot of labels that people never seemed to like.

There were relationship labels that people fought over, sexuality labels that every media outlet liked to plaster, and scandalous labels that could break a royal’s reputation.

However, your label as Harry’s girlfriend was one that you actually seemed to enjoy.

Harry’s normal girlfriend.

Sure, you were called “Harry Styles’ girlfriend” more times than you were called by your own name ever since you became public three years ago, but if there was anything you felt like you had bragging rights about, it would be that you managed to form a connection with his fans for being yourself, and especially on TikTok.

It came as a surprise to many and most when people caught up to the woman Harry seemed so infatuated with that he was grinning some more, directing sappy lyrics to on stage, and going shopping with at places that weren’t Gucci. You were relatable.

Your TikToks were international treasure, especially ones where you pranked Harry or participated in couple challenges with, so it was no surprise that even your Instagram harbored some following who were instantly excited and urgent to join once they had got the notification.

yourinstagram started a live video. Watch it before it ends!

Clad in a black Pleasing crewneck, hair up in a microfiber towel, your legs were pushed up slightly against your chest as you painted your nails, peaking to see you already had 14,374 viewers.

“Helloooo,” you dragged, smiling once you saw the excited comments coming through.

user1: OMG HEY BESTIE

user2: PLEASING

user3: NO WAY YOU’RE LIVE

user4: hey, y/n! how are you doing?

“I’m doing okay,” you answered, sighing a little, “Just taking a quick break from studying and thought we could have a chat.”

user5: you’re still studying?

user6: OMG SAY HI ANGELA PLS

user7: @/user she’s getting a master’s degree where have u been

user8: do you miss harry?

“Hi Angela,” you smiled, “Yeah, I’m getting my master’s degree. Guys, I literally forgot how awful exams and assignments were because I graduated like, four years ago, so I don’t miss it,” you said, “Do I miss Harry? No, of course not. I don’t know who that is.”

user9: STOP DID THEY BREAK UP?

user10: I hope you’re joking

user11: NOT YALL BELIEVING HER ALKJWKJFH

You chuckled, “Some of you are new here, huh?”

user9: Y/N HARRY IS WATCHING

user12: HARRY

user8: HARRY IS WATCHING WEIFWEFH

harrystyles: Boo. You miss me.

user13: NO FUCKING WAYYYYY

You laughed, “You’re going to break them.”

user2: I CAN’T BREATHE

harrystyles: Oops.

harrystyles: Have you eaten?

user14: PLSSSS I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M SEEING THIS

“Yeah, I-Oh my God, H, I made one the best salads ever. It had chicken, like grilled chicken, and I had bell peppers, corn, lettuce, cherry tomatoes, red beans, onions,” you counted on your fingers, “Then I made this creamy avocado dressing. It was so fucking good.”

user4: share the recipe bestie

harrystyles: Yum. Can’t wait to try it when I see you.

harrystyles: Breakfast?

“Yeah, I had breakfast, too,” you nodded, “Butter toasts and those olives we got from Italy,” you said, “What about you? Are you eating well?”

user5: I can’t believe we’re witnessing this

user15: it’s like they’re on the phone together

user16: I want to sit on a highway

harrystyles: We had tacos! 🌮

You gasped jokingly, “Did you actually eat tacos because I was telling you about how much I’ve been craving them yesterday?”

paulithepsm: Y/NNNNNNN

user7: PAULI IS HERE

harrystyles: Yes. Hehe.

“Pauli!” You grinned, “I missed you too much!” You were beaming before pointing a finger at the screen, “Same doesn’t go for you though, H. I can’t believe you ate tacos without me.”

harrystyles: PAULI

user8: KEHFKWJE CRYING

paulithepsm: HARRY

paulithepsm: I miss my best friend 😭😭

user18: PLS

harrystyles: I’m sorry. I’ll make you tacos when you get here. Promise.

harrystyles: Show me your nails.

You showed your freshly painted nails to the screen, “Some Citrico Vibrante Cremoso greens,” you showed them off, “Buy Pleasing,” you teased, “Or find more affordable dupes, babes.”

user6: PLSSSS SHE’S SO REAL FOR THAT

harrystyles: I’ll match with you.

“You can wait until I come. I’ll paint them for you,” you said.

harrystyles: OKAY ❤

user3: HE’S SO CUTE

user10: THE EMOJIS HE'S SO REAL

jeffazoff: Come get your man. He’s a pain.

You laughed, “Aw come on, Jeff. He’s not too bad. You just need to cuddle him and feed him.”

harrystyles: Agreed.

harrystyles: Jeff, don’t cuddle me.

user19: KEUDUEWFKHJ PLS

jeffazoff: I wasn’t planning on it 🙄 I’m waiting for Y/N to come and do that

“I leave you for two weeks and now you’re about to kill each other,” you sighed, “Hey, before I forget, can you tell Lamby that I’ve been trying to send him my final thoughts about the outfit but it won’t get to him for some reason?”

harry_lambert: My phone’s been acting up, babe. Send it on email! 🖤

user20: I just want to be her

harrystyles: I love your outfit.

“Okay, Lamby, will do,” you said before giggling, standing up and backing away a little to show the Pleasing crewneck and the baggy green sweatpants you were wearing, “Oh yeah? What do you think?” You put a hand to your hip before pretending to flick back your hair, “My boyfriend got me that sweatshirt,” you pointed at it, “And these are his sweatpants,” you pointed again, “Hair by me, nails by me but using my boyfriend’s nail polish,” you said, wiggling your fingers before approaching your phone again, “He’s kind of a big deal.”

user6: PLSS WHY IS THIS SO CUTE

user7: she’s so cute

harrystyles: He’s so fucking lucky.

You giggled, cupping your hand around your mouth, “Harry Styles just cursed on live,” you whispered.

user18: LMFAOOOOO

user21: “he’s so fucking lucky” I DIED BYE

jeffazoff: Scandalous

harrystyles: OH FUCK

harrystyles: 😎

You laughed, “This is some content your fans will absolutely go feral over,” you said, “I need to go now.”

harrystyles: Call me?

user20: I’m not okay

You nodded, “I’ll call you right after I end that thing. Bye, guys! Talk to you later!”

[yncoreee]

OOPS. Minji X reader

Synopsis— you definitely did not expect to see your girlfriend in the parking lot of your work place.

Warnings .ᐟ established relationship, Pet names, Minji had a drivers license,oc,idol minji x non-idol female reader, FLUFF

꩜ — ⵌWord count 554

Y/n whined as she kept on following her best friend like a lost puppy. “Come on Sunhye, let me follow your car” She pleaded with puppy eyes.

“Hell no, you live so far! No way I’m going to drive you all the way to your house!” She exclaimed shaking her head as a no.

“Just go take the bus, it’s not gonna do you any harm” she added in an annoyed tone. Although she wasn’t actually annoyed. It was how they both act towards each other.

“You’re a meanie” y/n slightly pouted as she huffed folding her arms over her chest.

“I love me like that” sunhye smiled at y/n getting into her car, starting the engine. Y/n could only frown as the engine roared.

“If I were you, I’d get going earlier” Sunhye spoke before driving out of the parking lot.

Y/n kicked her feet on the ground. “Stupid. Just wait till I get my drivers license” she taunted with a smirk followed by a sigh. “I better start going as well”.

As y/n took a step forward, her phone vibrated in her pockets signaling she received a notification.

She furrowed her eyebrows and brought out her phone to check who she had received a message from. She smiled as she saw the person name.

Min🐻���️<33

Look to your right🤭

Y/n eyebrows furrowed even more in confusion and curiosity as she inspected the area before her eyes locked with minji’s.

Y/n’s eyes widened in surprise as she immediately made her way over to minji who was holding a big bouquet of flower flashing her a bright smile,

The first thing she did was place a soft kiss on minji’s lips. But then she remembered she was an idol.

“What are you doing here? Don’t you know anybody could see you?! Dispatch could even be here! Oh my! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?!!” Y/n scolded her as she looked around for signs of any person.

“Oops…😬” she spoke. “But I wanted to surprise my lovey and beautiful girlfriend” she pouted.

Y/n face palmed as she shook her head before looking at minji. She noticed minji was leaning against a car. “Whose car is this?!” She exclaimed, removing minji’s body from the car.

“You can’t just lean against someone else’s car, if anything happens I’m not gonna be there to support you” y/n scolded her once again.

“But baby this is my car” she said tugging onto y/n’s arm.

Y/n’s eyes widened in shock. “What do you mean this is your car? tell me you got your drivers licenses” she asked with a bright smile.

“Yes I did” Minji flexed, smiling proudly. “Now I can come to pick you almost everyday at work” she added with a smirk.

Y/n glared at her crossing your arms over your chest. “No not almost everyday, I swear to God someone will still find out we’re dating”.

“But y/n—“ she spoke up but got cut off by you. “No buts” you interjected.

“Fine” she said with a sulky expression. “Let’s go home so we can watch a movie and cuddle all day” she yelled excitedly causing y/n to glare and shush her, as she entered into the passenger’s seat.

[oddinary4bts]

When the End Comes | ch 4 (jjk)

☆summary: Seven years after you've started dating Jungkook, long distance creates a wedge in your relationship. When the only solution seems to be breaking up, you go your separate ways even though love still lives in the two of you. Will you find a way back together, or has the end come for you and Jeon Jungkook?

☆pairing: photographer!Jungkook x lawyer!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there is mature content in every chapter)

☆genre: breakup!au, slice of life!au, angst with a big A, smut

☆warnings: fear of getting stood up, alcohol, pet names, curses, Jungkook's scars, angst, stubborn Jungkook, pessimism, depressive episode, cliffhanger at the end I'm sorry, explicit content: jerking off, oral sex (male receiving), Jungkook taking pictures of them during (I apologize, I have sinned), balls sucking/fondling, pain kink (Jungkook), deep throating, mouth fucking, unprotected sex, hickey, clit play, degradation, fingering, cum play (ish?)

☆word count: 14.3k

☆series masterpost

☆a/n: Rereading each chapter to edit is a challenge bc I just be sobbing the whole time :') I hope you enjoy this one, though it does really hurt oop

☆a/n pt2: Thank you to @moonleeai for beta-ing this, you are the best <3 and thank you to @jessikahathaway for supporting me with this project, you are amazinnng

☆Read The Forgotten Spaces here, the prequel to When the End Comes! It does not need to be read to understand When the End Comes, but I think it still should be read first to have a better understanding of the characters in general!

☆Add yourself to the taglist here (if you were on the taglist for The Forgotten Spaces, you're already on the taglist for When the End Comes!)

☆☆☆☆☆

But love never leaves a heart, where it found it, found it You found it Someday, I'll fall into you That's where I'll be now when the end comes

When the End Comes, Andrew Belle

☆☆☆☆☆

Friday, September 8th

                You clutch the gift bag in your hand. It feels strange to be meeting Jungkook again, after last weekend. And even after last weekend, you’re not sure where you’re standing.

Did he spend his whole week thinking about you the way that you were thinking about him?

You texted a little, over the week. Each time a notification from him popped up on your phone, you felt like you’d gone back in time. Like maybe, maybe you took a time machine to a past of better days last weekend. It’s bittersweet in a way, because you feel like there is still so much left unsaid between you and him.

But he’s willing to try. Even if you broke him, even if you’ve been wondering if there’s anything salvageable after all, he’s willing to try. Willing to meet you at a Korean barbecue restaurant halfway between his place and yours.

You check the time, anxiety flooding your veins. He’s running late, though he texted you to tell you he was almost there. A part of you wonders if he’s going to stand you up – you think you’d deserve it. Because you’re not sure you deserve this chance, yet you don’t want to lose it, don’t want to let it go.

You look down at the bag. You bought the gift on a whim this week, and you have no idea if he’ll still want it. It’s a lens he was looking to buy months ago, before he left for Paris, and there’s a high chance that he’ll have bought it for himself since then…

You just couldn’t think about anything other than that to gift him. Even though his work was your demise, you know Jungkook loves photography. Always will, no matter where you two will end up. And since it was his birthday last weekend – before you’d reconnected – you thought why not? Why not get a gift and show him that you still care, that you remember?

Because you’d never forget, when it comes to him. You think, if you had dementia, he’d be the last thing you’d lose, if at all.

You worry at your lip, glancing around. Luckily enough for you, there is a bench outside of the restaurant, though you can only sit on a corner of it as the rest is still wet from the rain earlier. It was raining when you left work, but it fortunately stopped as you were getting ready for the date.

You sigh, looking down at your phone again. Twenty minutes late seems like a long time, considering that Jungkook’s not one to be late usually. A sense of dread takes ahold of your heart, and you already feel tears forming in your eyes.

You were foolish, stupid. Idiotic, if you thought there was a way things could be set right.

You get up, looking towards the door of the restaurant. A couple are waiting in the hall, arms around each other as they hug with not a care in the world. It aches deeply, makes you crave the physical intimacy last Saturday held and you gulp as you swallow around the lump in your throat.

Still you stay rooted in your spot. There’s a light tremor that starts taking a hold of you, and you regret not putting a jacket on even though it isn’t remotely freezing today. Your eyes fall to the gift bag, and you think about May. About the moment you’d let him go – has he gotten too far for you to reach him now?

A tear wins. Or perhaps it’s the gravity, growing ten times stronger as your heart breaks again. As the hope gets lost to you, replaced by that same deep sorrow you’ve become accustomed to. You sigh, the breath of air trembling on the way out.

And then you almost let out a scream as someone touches your arm.

Jungkook startles just as much as you, taking a step back, his big, doe eyes widening even more as he meets your gaze. Your mouth remains open, yet no words come out. You just take him in, take his appearance in – his piercings, the beanie he’s wearing, his flushed cheeks. He looks like he was running, and you think maybe he was.

“I’m sorry,” he tells you.

At that your eyes drop to the bright pink bouquet of flowers he’s holding, and something inside of you heals, as if you’ve found a cure to the disease.

“Oh, Jungkook,” you let out. You meet his gaze again. “You didn’t have to.”

He pulls at his piercings, shrugging sheepishly. “I wanted to.”

It’s warm. Whatever is blossoming in your chest is warm, a stark contrast to the winter you’ve been stuck in since the night you lost him.

“Thank you,” you murmur, and you blink away the tears in your eyes.

You freeze when he wipes the one that’s already rolled on your cheek, frowning slightly at the sight.

“The florist I wanted to go to first was closed,” he says as an explanation. “I had to run around to find another one.”

You offer him a small smile, and his features immediately smooth out into a soft expression too.

“I was scared you were…” you trail off, wetting your lips as you refuse to voice your fear.

Refuse to admit you didn’t have faith in him.

“I thought you would,” he answers carefully. “Hence why I ran.”

You nod. “I…” You look down at the gift bag, holding it up. “I got you a birthday gift.”

His smile is teary when you look at it next, and you take a moment to delve into the depths of his gaze. There’s a small twinkle there, though it is faint, barely even noticeable. If you didn’t know him like the sun knows the moon, you wouldn’t recognize it.

He’s hopeful. It’s strange – there was no hope in Jungkook’s gaze last weekend. Or there had been, for a fraction of a moment, until it had been blown away by the wind. You can only hope that this time it will hold on strong.

“You didn’t have to,” he says, though the curve of his pink lips tells you he appreciates the thought.

He grabs the gift bag, not looking through it right away. Instead, he hands you the flowers, and you delicately take them, bringing them close to your nose so that you can inhale the fragrance. Your eyelids flutter shut, and a content smile moves on your lips.

“Thank you,” you murmur as you meet his gaze again. “And…” You motion towards the gift. “You deserved it. I think you’ll like it.”

There’s a moment of awkward silence, as Jungkook looks down at the bag. He offers you a tight-lipped smile, and you cock an eyebrow.

“What?” he lets out.

“Aren’t you going to…” you vaguely answer. “Open it?”

“Oh, now?” He chuckles awkwardly, glancing around before pointing towards the restaurant. “Shouldn’t we go in to give our names?”

He’s got a point. Especially considering that it’s a Friday evening. So you do just that, giving your phone number to the hostess as she tells you there will be a thirty minutes wait. You and Jungkook move back outside after that, and he guides you towards his car, a few streets down.

“How was work this week?” he asks on the way.

“Better,” you admit, remembering how you’d told him that you didn’t like the new department in which you worked.

And it’s true – it has been better. Maybe because the excitement of receiving texts from him through the days made it easier to handle. Or maybe it’s because you haven’t been so damned cold since last weekend. All in all, work has been easier, even if it isn’t as interesting as it used to be.

“I’m glad,” he says, offering you a smile.

Silence surrounds the two of you, only interrupted by a car honking in the street. You startle a little, and Jungkook chuckles.

You’re struck. His chuckles have healing properties, you’re convinced of it. They spark hope into you, so bright you think you’ll be blinded, retina forever burned. Yet your eyes don’t lose focus on him, even as his lips return to a neutral expression.

“What about you?” you ask as your heart picks up in your chest. “What were you up to this week?”

A small crease appears between his brows, but it disappears so quickly you think you might have imagined it. “I’ve been going to the gym,” he answers. “And looking around for some jobs.”

His last sentence turns the hope into a firework show inside of you. “Yeah? Any luck so far?”

You reach his car, and as he always does, he opens the door for you. You blush, something you haven’t really done with Jungkook in forever, and you’re struck thinking that this feels new.

Perhaps this will be a new chapter in your relationship with Jeon Jungkook after all.

“Thank you,” you mutter as your cheeks burn. You sit in, and he closes the door before moving around the car to get in. You watch him do so, and he sits next to you, turning the car on just long enough so that you can roll the windows down.

“Now,” he lets out, eyeing the bag. “What’s this?”

For some reason, it makes you chuckle, and he shoots you a dumb smile that makes you think you’ve delved right into the heat of summer, warmth spreading through you. It erases the winter, replaces it with blooming flowers and bright sun rays, golden sunsets and the feeling of a soft breeze threading through your hair.

Needless to say, you want to cling to it before winter comes again.

“Open and you’ll see,” you answer, your heart racing as you glance at the bag, before going back to his smile.

He nods, and he opens the bag, taking out the paper first. Your heartbeat increases tenfold because, what if he doesn’t like it?

What if he takes it as an affront that you’ve given him something photography related?

But then he sees it. Sees the lens you bought for him, and his features turn somber, but not in a bad way. They settle into a calm expression, with a softer smile that barely even tugs at the corners of his lips. He takes a deep breath, and then looks towards you again.

Teary eyes find yours, and you think maybe this is it. Maybe this is where the end will find you. Lost in the swirling depth of his gaze, in the forgotten space of you and him.

He whispers your name, emotion making it heavier than the whole world. You nod once, as no sentences take shape in your mind to reply to him. You’re not sure you have to say something – he sees in your eyes the emotions you can’t quite voice.

“You really didn’t have to,” he adds, and you watch his Adam’s apple bob as he gulps. “Fuck.”

He looks down at the lens, takes it out of the bag so that he can examine it thoroughly. You observe him as he does so, as if you’re watching a show. And you think, maybe he is a show �� a movie meant for you to admire on and on until you go old and blindness seeps into your gaze.

“I wanted to,” you reply.

He shoots you a quick look, just as teary as the initial one. “Thank you.”

“Of course.”

And then he laughs, a small vulnerable laugh that has you blinking back the wetness building up on your waterline. You echo it with one of yours, though it comes unexpectedly to you. But then again, you reckon you share the same feelings.

You always have, haven’t you? Your soul is in sync with his, has always been, no matter if distance put an end to the story of you and him. Or tried to, because he’s here today.

So are you, and if he allows it, you’ll never leave again.

“I’ve wanted this lens in forever,” he says, voice small as he turns it in his hands, looking at it in every possible angle. “You…” he trails off, meets your gaze and smiles again. “You remembered.”

You nod. “How could I forget?” You worry at your lips, shy away from his gaze to watch your wriggling fingers in your lap. “There isn’t a day I didn’t think of you.”

The revelation seems out of place, in a parked car on the side of a busy street. Yet it comes naturally to you, and meets him just as naturally. Because he nods, and then reaches for you. Grabs your jaw, gently, so that he can turn your head towards him. There’s a moment when you think the whole world holds his breath, and then he leans forward, brushes a soft kiss on your lips.

“I missed you,” he admits as he pulls away, letting go of your jaw reluctantly.

A tear slips on your cheek, and you quickly dry it. “I missed you too.”

And though the moment is heavy with emotion, you don’t want to run away from it. When you were younger, you would have fled like a deer hearing a branch crack in the woods. But today, today you want the weight of this emotion to rest upon you, like a weighted blanket that reminds you you’re alive.

The emotion lingers, past this moment and into the next. As you get the text that a table is ready for you and him, and you move back to the Korean restaurant. As you sit in front of him, watch him smile and laugh in time with you at the stupid jokes that you make.

You and him make more sense than you realized. Or maybe you forgot. Maybe the distance made you forget, but right now you think you know he’ll always be the one. And if you lose him again, he’ll be the one that got away, and you’ll search for him through every connection with temporary people.

Because there can’t be permanent people after him. He’s permanently inked into your heart, carved into your bones.

“How has your family been?” he asks when there’s a lull in the conversation.

You offer him a tight-lipped smile, though you know he means your father, Isabel and Louis.

You know he’d never talk about your mother as part of your family.

“They’ve been great,” you answer. “Dad’s been looking to retire, or at least to have a lesser charge at work.”

Jungkook furrows his brows, but says nothing as he puts some meat on the grill between you and him. You observe him as he does so, wincing when flames erupt and he pulls his hand away – quickly enough, thankfully.

“How old is he again?” Jungkook asks after that, meeting your gaze again.

“Fifty-nine,” you reply. “But I don’t think it’s about his age. He just wants to spend more time with Louis.”

The softness that takes over his doe eyes makes you want to curl up in him, against him. Makes you want to listen to his beating heart until the day that it ceases, decades away from now. It’s a strong feeling, and you’re forced to blink away tears again.

“Don’t cry,” Jungkook gently says, and he reaches to pat your cheek.

It makes you laugh. Of course it does, and he offers you a dumb smile again. For the first time that night, you notice that yes, it does reach his eyes. The smile lights up his gaze, though there’s wariness, etched in the lines of his face.

It’s not that you missed it before. Maybe you just didn’t want to see it. But right in this instant, it’s all you can see, and it makes his smile fall until his eyes follow, moving to the grill. He turns the meat as you busy yourself with eating japchae.

And you don’t like this silence. You don’t like the ache that it carries, so you force yourself to try. To try and fight for him and prove that, after everything, he really is where the end will be, when it comes for you.

“What about your family?” you ask, throwing him a lifeline in the storm you’re sure he’s been plagued with too.

“They’ve been great,” he answers. “My brother’s wife is pregnant again.”

For a moment you forget about the torment between you and him as your mind zeroes in on the fact. “That’s amazing!” you let out, and your smile comes easily. “They must be so happy.”

Jungkook looks at your smile, taking a deep breath. It seems he takes a decision then, because his lips curve up, and some of the wariness fades away. He looks softer like this, younger, and your heart shines under his light.

“It really is,” he says. “I was thinking on going to Korea to see the baby when Yuri gives birth.”

In another world, you would have said you’ll go with him, but right now you don’t think you can. So, instead, you reply, “That’s a good idea. I’m sure your family will be happy to see you.”

He nods, and then he puts some meat in your bowl, taking the two other stripes for himself. You mindlessly pick one of the pieces up, mixing it in ssamjang before eating it. You wince as you burn your tongue a little, and quickly eat the meat so that you can take a long gulp of water.

Jungkook must have expected you to burn yourself, because he laughs at your expense as he refills your glass. “You good?”

You nod. “Sorry, just burned myself.”

“Don’t apologize.”

So you don’t. For the rest of the evening, you try not to apologize. And you think you succeed – you both speak as if distance wasn’t a thing between you. As if time hasn’t come to pass between you too – as if you’ve never been apart. As if, seven years ago, the stars told the truth as they sparkled in the July night sky.

You finish eating while chatting like this, while sharing thoughts about movies you’ve seen. As he tells you about working out, about Bam and the songs he’s been listening to. He drinks a beer as you speak, and you once again take a moment to admire him.

You’d never admit it, but the beanie makes him look good. Comfortable and soft – as does the jean jacket, you reckon. But then again you know Jungkook would look good in anything, one of the advantages of him being gifted with pretty privilege.

And when he clinks his glass with yours, claiming you have to finish drinking even though you’ve only been drinking water, you still laugh with him, still down your glass as he chugs the beer. And you wonder, how long will it take to erase the distance?

Will it take more than this moment in time, to undo the distance and rebuild the closeness?

And you think, maybe it just needs now. Because as you walk out, bellies full and minds buzzing with a slight tinge of alcohol, you accept Jungkook’s extended hand. You let him guide you to his car, even though yours is parked on the other side of the restaurant. He opens the door for you again, but you hesitate for a moment.

Long enough to step closer to him instead, and pull him down so you can peck his lips. He looks surprised, and his features fall serious as you share a long look.

“Can I come over tonight?” you whisper.

He nods. “I thought it was a given.”

Of course he would. And you’re not even mad that he would. You’re rather relieved, and you can’t help yourself. You can’t help pulling him down in a more heated kiss, even though you hate public displays of affection. There are just words your lips can’t say any other way than this, and he gets it. He’ll always get you. He always will, and he kisses you with the same intensity, one hand cupping your cheek gently while the other presses on the small of your back, resting flat as he pulls you in. You hold his delicate waist, sighing in the kiss as your thumbs draw idle lines on his sides.

Jungkook pulls away to press a kiss on your forehead, lingering there for a small eternity that leads to you wrapping your arms around his waist. He lets you do it, and you wonder if his soul has found yours. You hope it has, for there are things your soul can say even better than your mouth can.

Apologies don’t mean much when they are shaped in words. But you think your soul could show him, and maybe, maybe tonight he’ll allow you to show him.

“Are you parked somewhere you can leave your car overnight?” he asks softly, lips moving against your forehead.

You nod. “I am.”

“Then let’s go home.”

*****

                It comes as a surprise, when you realize Jungkook has moved in the same building as Kiko and Yoongi. Even more so as they run into you on the way in, knowing smiles on their lips as Jungkook holds your hand tight. They don’t really say a lot – both of them aren’t man and woman of words, except when they pour them into the lyrics of a song.

But Kiko does hug you. Does whisper in your ear that she wishes everything will be set right for the two of you, and when you pull away to meet Jungkook’s gaze, you think it already is. Especially as you’re clutching the flowers he got for you, and their sweet fragrance surrounds you.

And then they walk away, as they were leaving to go on a late walk, and you and Jungkook walk in the building, making your way to the elevator. Jungkook presses the call button, and then pulls you close to his chest so that he can press a kiss on the top of your head.

“Well, that was awkward,” he says.

You chuckle. “It wasn’t really.”

His grip tightens around you before he lets you go so that you can enter the elevator. He follows you in, and he intertwines your fingers as he presses on the fourth floor. As the elevator starts moving, you pull him closer, tilting your head back as you pout slightly.

“What?” he asks.

“Kiss me?”

He doesn’t need to be asked twice. He immediately dives in, and you’re surprised with the strength of the kiss. As if he’s pouring his entire soul in it, and you think maybe he is. After all, you kiss him back with all the fire in you, and it’s burning brighter than it ever has.

Unfortunately, the moment is short-lived as you reach his floor and the doors slide open. He pulls away, presses a kiss on your forehead as if he wasn’t sucking on your tongue a moment ago, and then he pulls you behind him as he walks towards his door.

It’s further down the hall, and you wait excitedly as he unlocks. Though you’re a little worried about seeing Bam again – what if he doesn’t recognize you?

Which, you reckon was a stupid thought, because the dog comes barging out, tail wagging wildly, when Jungkook manages to get the door open.

“Bamie!” you exclaim, and Jungkook carefully takes the bouquet of flowers from your hand to allow you to bend down and pet the dog.

He licks at your face, whimpering as if he thought he’d lost you. It brings tears to your eyes, and you giggle like a kid as you pet him, rubbing his short fur as he keeps running all around you.

“I think he’s happy to see you,” Jungkook deadpans, and you burst out laughing.

You look up to try and look at Jungkook, but Bam jumps in your vision, which makes you giggle again. And then, something magical happens. Something you didn’t think you’d hear again – Jungkook laughs that childish laugh of his, the one that usually only comes forth when he’s really happy.

You act by pure instinct. You stand up, wrap your arms around Jungkook’s neck. His giggle dies against your lips, but he’s quick to kiss you back as he snakes his inked arm around your back. You let out a breathy sound, and then burst into a fit of giggles as Bam jumps on you.

“I think he demands attention,” you state and Jungkook nods as you part, though he keeps his arm close to you.

“We should take him on a walk,” he says, and you notice his cheeks are flushed red. You reckon yours probably are too, but there’s something about seeing the effect that you have on him, even after everything, that makes you come undone.

“I’m so happy to be with you right now,” you murmur.

He gulps, eyes shining suddenly. “Me too.” He adds your name softly, before repeating, “Me too.”

You walk in his apartment after that, to put the flowers in a large glass of water since Jungkook doesn’t own any vase. Meanwhile, he disappears in what you assume is the bedroom, only to reappear with his camera. To your surprise, he’s already fitted the new lens on it.

It’s endearing. There’s something so incredibly endearing at the thought that your gift is loved already, that Jungkook already wants to use it. It makes a line of silver appear in your eyes, and you don’t even blink it away as Jungkook angles the camera towards you to take a picture.

“Huh,” he lets out as he looks at the picture. He adjusts some settings, and before he’s had time to take another picture of you, Bam comes up to you, jumping up. His two paws rest on your waist as you laugh, and that’s when Jungkook snaps the picture.

You glance his way to see him smiling softly, and then he nods appreciatively. “I’m going to use this lens way too much,” he comments.

It makes you laugh. “I’m glad.”

And then you’re going outside with the dog. Jungkook brings the camera, and he snaps pictures of the surroundings, of you and Bam. He even takes one of the three of you, though you reckon the angle is clearly unflattering.

It doesn’t feel like it matters. Because you’re struck realizing that this, this moment matters. It matters enough for him to want to commit it to memory, and you wonder if he’s going to add it to all the frames you left behind.

But then again, did he even put them up in his new apartment? From what you could see when you were in, there was no picture visible.

It aches, but then he tells you to smile and you do. You immediately do, because there’s nothing easier than smiling when you’re with him like this. The wariness still clings to him, but it’s barely visible, like a mirage that’s about to fade in the distance.

“Stop taking pictures of me,” you say as he takes another one.

He lets out a noncommittal sound, shrugging his shoulder. “Why?”

You pout as blush creeps on your cheek. “You haven’t taken this many pictures of me since… Chicago?”

He shakes his head. “I took more pictures on our first trip to Korea.”

A beautiful trip, where you’d met his family for the first time. You had gotten along with everyone well, even though your Korean was poor. You got better through the years, but you still have a long way before you can speak in Korean without feeling like everyone is going to judge you.

“That’s beside the point,” you mumble. You motion towards Bam, who’s patiently sitting next to you. “I’m pretty sure he’s done.”

Jungkook pouts, and butterflies take flight in your stomach. “Sorry,” he apologizes.

You’re not quite sure why.

“I just…” he adds, and then shadows cloud over his features. They resemble the sorrow that was surrounding him last weekend, and just like that you think summer has ended. “I haven’t used my camera since…”

You don’t need for him to say it, because you know exactly what he was going to say. Still, it hurts, and your gaze drops to the ground.

“Gosh,” you whisper. You let out a strangled sound. “I’m so sorry.”

He doesn’t say anything. Just grabs your hand, raising it to his mouth to press a gentle kiss on your knuckles.

“We said we’d try,” he reminds you, or maybe he’s trying to remind himself. “Let’s try. For real. So no more apologies.”

“I feel like you deserve thousands of apologies and more,” you admit.

He kisses your forehead, and it’s against your skin that he whispers, “I just want us to move on from what happened.”

You nod, wrapping an arm around his waist to loosely hug him. Unfortunately, Bam pulls on his leash, and you have to let go of Jungkook far too quickly. Still, you meet his gaze, nodding your head again.

“I want to move on too,” you tell him. “If I could, I’d erase everything but…”

He holds out his hand for you to interlace your fingers with his. “But it’s in the past.”

He’s right, yet you see the wariness. It’s still there, though you think soon the mist will dissipate with the rays of the sun. So you follow him in, let him feed Bam before he shows you around his small apartment. It feels like him, in ways you can’t really describe, and you want to stay. You think, if he’d ask you’d never leave again.

“I like it,” you tell him as he finishes the tour in his bedroom, which is only occupied by an unmade bed with white sheet and a small night table with his pair of glasses on top. You notice the LED lights, and a smile moves to your lips. “Please tell me these still shine purple like they did at the house with the boys.”

Jungkook nods, offering you a grin. “Yeah. I thought it’d be great to have a… reminder of a simpler time.”

He turns them on, and you get it. You get it so much you grab the lapels of his jean jacket, pulling him closer to you. His lips are upon yours in an instant, hungry, insistent, ravishing a kiss that makes you light-headed. Especially as he grabs your face, holds on to it like it’s a life buoy in a storm. The piercings push into your bottom lip, their colder temperature making your tongue dart to them, as if to warm them.

Jungkook groans, and then kicks the door of his bedroom shut. He’s had to stop kissing you for that, but he’s kissing you again half a second later, and it’s even more intense, more desperate.

You let go of his jacket, hands blindly moving to his belt as he pushes his tongue in your mouth. You suck on it, moan lightly when he groans again. You fumble with the buckle, but soon enough you get it undone, and you move on to the button of his jeans.

You just want him. Need to feel his body against you, in you. And clearly he needs the same thing, as he pulls away from the hug to take your shirt off. Right as you get the button undone, and then unzip his jeans. You slip your hand in, letting out a breathy sound as you find him already hard. He sits heavy in your hand, and you squeeze him unabashedly.

“Fuck,” he curses, head thrown back as his eyes close. “Baby.”

The pet name has you drop to your knees, and you pull his pants down just enough for his dick to spring free. He doesn’t try to stop you, and you admire him for a time. Admire the brown base of his tip, the veins that run along his length. A bead of precum appears on his slit as you look, and you’re quick to lick it clean. The salty taste fills your mouth, and you look up at him, to see him watching down on you, strands of hair falling in his eyes where they’ve escaped the confines of his beanie.

“Suck it, mmh?” he says.

You grab him, jerking him off loosely. “Yeah?”

His eyes darken behind the strands of hair. He bites at his piercings, cocking his head to the side. And then he’s glancing away and to your surprise, he asks, “Can I take pictures of you while you suck my dick?”

You swirl your tongue around his tip, and he bucks his hips forward. In answer, you sit back on your heels, looking up at him innocently. “Right now?” He nods. “You want to take pictures of me while I suck your dick?”

“If you want to,” he answers. “If you don’t want to it’s fine.”

You close your lips around his tip, sucking once. “You’ll keep the pictures to yourself?”

You don’t know why you’re agreeing. Only know that the lust in Jungkook’s gaze is making you forget everything about common sense. But then again, you highly doubt that Jungkook would ever do anything to harm you.

Jungkook’s mouth falls open as he was about to answer, but when you take his dick as far as you can, he’s silenced. And he’s hard in your mouth, a rod of steel you’ve missed since last week.

“Yeah,” he finally breathes out.

You sit back on your heels. “Then it’s fine.”

He smirks, nodding his head as he finishes taking off his jeans and underwear. “Wait here.”

You purse your lips as he walks away, and you watch him leaving his room to head to where he left his camera. You patiently wait, feeling shy even though you have nothing to be shy about. This is just Jungkook – it’s not like he hasn’t seen you half-naked and on your knees for him before.

It takes him a moment to come back, but when he does, it’s to sit on bed. He’s still hard, and he leans back on a hand as you move closer.

“If you want me to stop, you tell me, okay?” he gently says as you run a hand along his thighs.

You glance at his scar, the familiar knot of skin giving you more confidence than you expected. “You’re going to jerk off to these pictures, mmh?”             

He gulps, angling his camera towards you as you lean closer to his dick. You lick at it, and the shutter goes off.

It has you dripping in your panties, unexpectedly.

“So what if I do?” he asks as you grab his dick, stroking him.

The question is rhetorical, and your answer is to wrap your lips around his cock as your eyes flutter shut. You swirl your tongue around the tip and hollow your cheeks as you go down. You hold the gag reflex in as he hits the back of your throat, and you can’t help but moan as you hear his camera again.

You flick your tongue at his frenulum on the way out, and then you stroke his dick as you sit back. You move one hand to his balls, squeezing gently before thinking better of it and leaning forward, sucking on one. He grunts, and you keep your eyes locked on the camera as you jerk him off faster.

Another picture added to the list. And you’re dripping wet. Already you want to sink on his dick, want him to be so deep inside of you that you’re just one.

“Kook…” you murmur, and then you’re back to sucking on his dick, though this time you make sure to squeeze his balls too, the way that he likes it. Hard, but not too hard, and you’re choking around his dick in no time as he starts fucking up in your mouth, clearly forgetting about the pictures.

It goes like this for a while, with his dick growing impossibly hard. Your jaw aches by the time he pushes down on your head, hand lost in your hair. You gag, and he moans loudly. You think he’s coming, but he somehow manages to keep it in before pulling you off.

“Shit,” he curses. “Sorry.” He breathes for a moment, as you wipe your mouth and chin from the drool.

“It’s okay,” you reassure him. You glance at the camera. “Any good pics?”

That brings him back to the land of lust and passion, and he offers you a smirk. “We can look at them after. I’m not done with you yet.”

You laugh, because you know you’ve barely started. Know you’re likely to be unable to walk tomorrow. Because the lust in his gaze hasn’t shone so bright in years, yes, but also because you almost lost each other.

Or maybe you have, and this too is just a dip in the past.

You stand up, hands snaking to your back so that you can unclasp your bra. Jungkook watches you carefully, before taking a picture as you massage your breasts. It makes you bite at your lower lip, and you look at his hard dick where it rests on his stomach.

“Can I ride you?” you ask breathlessly.

He smirks. “You don’t want me to finger you first?”

Instead of replying, you finish undressing, taking off your pants and panties at the same time. You then push on his jean jacket, and he takes that as a cue to remove it. You motion to the shirt too as he was about to lean back on his hand and he cocks his head to the side, an eyebrow raised. When you nod, he takes it off too, and it makes his beanie fall.

His hair is a mess, and you can’t resist but step forward so that you can push it back, though you think the jet black strands are currently untamable. You give up after a few seconds, pushing on his chest so that he lies back.

His eyes are on you as you climb on his lap, and you grind along his length, coating it with your juices.

“Shit,” he lets out again. “You’re fucking dripping.”

You nod, moving up just enough so that you can grab the base of his dick. His tip prods your entrance, and he pulls at his piercings as you wait there, teasing him with a corner smile on your lips.

“Fucking tease,” he growls.

It undoes something in you. Because yes, you wanted to tease him. You wanted him to beg you to fuck him, but now you sink down on him, until he reaches your cervix. Even the pain of him hitting the back of your pussy doesn’t make you move, and your walls clench around his dick as he grunts out a curse, followed by your name.

“Kook,” you purr. “Fuck me good.”

He chuckles as you circle your hips, and his free hand rests on your hip as he angles his camera to take a picture of you again. “You can’t do the work?”

He says it condescendingly, and you find enough challenge in you to start bouncing up and down. It shuts him up, and the following moment is spent with you fucking yourself on him as he groans under you, your breathy moans filling his room. Soon enough he stops taking pictures, putting his camera down next to him so that he can hold your hips with his two hands.

And then he’s fucking up in you, and you cry out as you lean forward, wrapping an arm around his neck while your other hand holds on to his shoulder.

You’re a mess, yet your heart clenches in your chest as he fucks you like this. As you remember a land of winter, that somehow doesn’t feel as distant as it should. Maybe because of Jungkook’s wariness tonight, or maybe because you know all good things come to an end.

The thought douses your arousal, until Jungkook stills deep inside of you and whispers, “I want to be with you, like this, forever.”

You nuzzle your face in his neck and suck a mark on his skin. “Me too.”

And then he’s fucking you again, hard and quick. He holds you close, grunts in your ear as you lick at his neck. It’s an abundance of sensation, and your brain focuses on the way he hits your clit whenever he pushes up. Whenever his hips snap against you, and soon there’s an orgasm in the distance.

It finds you when he lets you sit up so that you can fuck yourself on him again, and his thumb finds your clit to press expert circles on it. It finds you hard, and your pussy spasms repeatedly on his dick. He helps you through the high, and when you finally come down, a dumb smile tugs at the corners of your lips.

“Fuck,” you let out.

“Felt good?” he asks with a teasing tone to his voice, the one you know he only reserves for you.

To hear it right now makes you love him so much you think you’ll die on the spot. Because yes, tonight has been great. Yes, it’s almost been like before, but what if he doesn’t take you back?

What if, in the end, this was just an extended moment meant to be closure for you and him?

“Yes,” you still reply.

Because no matter how much your heart aches in your chest, you’ll never lie to him.

“Good,” he says. He sits up, wraps an arm around your waist to steady you as he brings his mouth to yours.

You go in for the kiss. Meet him halfway, and you moan against him as he moves under you, albeit clumsily from the position.

His lips will make you drunk. Make you dumb, make you forget that there’s a world outside the door. That, in that world, you might not belong to him anymore. But then again, you think you do. To you, you always will.

“Lie on your side,” he says after a moment, lips moving against yours.

Jungkook pecks your lips one last time before you move, and then he kneels behind you. His dick prods your entrance again, and he grabs his camera to snap another picture.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he praises as he pushes the tip in, taking another picture. “Such a good little fucking slut.”

And then he pushes all the way in, until all of him is embedded in you. You grip the sheets as a broken moan escapes your lips. He holds your hip with one hand, fingers digging in the supple skin as he fucks you hard, chasing his own orgasm.

He looks good doing it. Long hair sticking to the sweat on his face, eyes narrowed in pleasure, mouth open as soft grunts echo through the room. The purple light makes his honey skin glow somehow, and you feel another orgasm reaching for you, though it doesn’t hit right away. It just feels so good – as he always does – and you can’t help but clench your walls against him.

That’s what undoes him. He comes, ropes of white painting your insides, as he swears and says your name in a litany that almost makes you go over the edge too.

“Baby,” he says at the end.

It feels like a confirmation. Like a confirmation that, maybe, maybe you will work this time around. That maybe distance won’t destroy you again – maybe you’ll grow old and gray by his side.

“You came so much,” you say as you feel his hot cum sitting deep inside of you.

He pulls at his piercing, nodding once. And then he pulls out, and he takes a picture of the cum dripping out of you. He decides to push it back in, curling a finger inside of you, and your walls clench as you moan.

“Touch your clit,” he tells you.

You don’t need to be told twice. You quickly move your fingers to the sensitive bundle of nerves, drawing quick circles on it as he pushes another digit inside of you, fingering you until the second orgasm finally finds you.

You cry out his name, a broken plea that doesn’t really make any sense as your vision turns white. And it stays that way for a long time, blinding you until ecstasy is swimming in your blood. And when you come down from the high, all that you can think is how much you missed him.

“Kook,” you breathe out.

“Baby…”

He puts the camera away, and then bends to press a kiss on your lips. It’s soft, and you grab his face to hold him in place, not even wincing as a bead of his sweat rolls on your cheek. You kiss him with a heart heavy with emotions, trying to show him that you’re never going to leave again. When he pulls away, you notice his teary gaze.

“Can we be together again?” he asks, and you watch in horror as a tear rolls on his cheek. You sit up, drying it with your thumb.

And you don’t care if it was too quick. Don’t care that there’s a high chance it won’t last. You still answer, “Yes, Kook. Yes we can.”

He smiles, nodding his head. “Let’s take a shower. I want to hold you tonight.”

You want to cry from the statement, want to tell him that you wish he could hold you forever, but the words get lodged in your throat. Instead, you follow him as he gets up, interlacing your fingers with his as he leads you to the bathroom, uncaring that his seed is rolling down your inner thighs.

He turns the shower on, and soon enough you’re standing under the hot water. He watches you carefully, presses a kiss on your forehead when you stand in front of him. You wrap your arms around his waist, holding him as close as you physically can. Even then it’s not enough – you want him under your skin, or to be under his.

You don’t think you’d survive being parted from him again. Maybe that’s why you let him fuck you again when you return to his room, slower this time, lips entwined in a never-ending embrace. Love flows between you and him, and it’s etched in the way your bodies move together, in the way you’ve been molded perfectly for him, and him for you.

You wonder if outside, the stars are shining. And you’re struck thinking that tonight, tonight they’ve aligned for you and him again, the universe agreeing for this second chance between you and him.

So you hold him close, and pray that this time around, forever is waiting for you.

Saturday, September 9th

                Jungkook wakes up slowly. Softly, the same way waves hit the shore at low tide. He’s unusually warm, and he frowns as he shifts, trying to turn on his side. Then, he realizes his arm is stuck under something. His very dead arm, and he cracks an eye open.

That’s when he remembers that it’s you. You’re the one sleeping next to him, mouth slightly agape as you breathe softly. You’re also the one crushing his arm, and he tentatively clenches and unclenches his fist to try to get the blood circulation back on track. It doesn’t really work, so then he stops, figuring he’s going to have to make you move somehow.

But you look peaceful, in the light of the rising sun. Serene, like there’s never been anything wrong in this world. This morning, Jungkook wants to believe it. Wants to believe that happiness is all he’s ever known – that accidents, heartbreak and pain are all constructs of his imagination.

He’s too realistic for that. Or perhaps the breakup has made him pessimistic. Because the peace of the moment doesn’t really linger, and he’s stuck reliving the moment you left, that night in May. Stuck reliving the wait for you to come back, only you never did.

Or maybe you did, months later. Maybe you really are back, and this time you’ll stay.

You mumble something in your sleep, startling him. It takes him a few seconds to realize you’re still deep asleep, but when you move he quickly does too, pulling his arm from under your head. You frown, lick your lips, and then your features smooth out as you return to your peaceful slumber.

He turns on his side, watching you carefully. He’s aware that watching you sleep is creepy, but he can’t help it. Not when his bed has been empty for months.

He stays like this for a while, unable to fall back asleep. Because, what if you’re gone when he wakes up again? He doesn’t want to risk it.

Unable to help himself, he gently brushes a strand of hair behind your ear. You sigh, and he’s afraid he’s woken you up. When a small smile appears on your lips, his heart skips a beat, yet you don’t show any other sign that you’re awake. He assumes you aren’t, and then decide to take a picture of this moment.

He feels like he’s going to need it. Like all the pictures he took yesterday – he was desperate to commit to memory as much of you as he possibly could. He feels bad – he said he’d give you a chance, he is giving you a chance, but some part of him is just waiting for it to blow up in his face.

Maybe if he expects it it will hurt less.

He carefully grabs his camera where he left it on his night table. He doesn’t dare take a look at the pictures you took yesterday, a little ashamed that he asked you to do that in the first place. Silently, he takes a picture of you, and then puts the camera away.

Only, the reminder of the kind of pictures he’d find in the camera was enough to make his blood stir, and he picks it back up almost immediately.

And then there you are, in all your glory. Beautiful as ever, pussy filled to the brim with his cum, with his cock. Tits squeezed in your hands, in his, and his dick goes rock hard as blood leaves his head.

He wants you again, and he wants you now. He doesn’t care that it’s early morning, that he never liked waking up early. All he can do is put the camera down and slide closer to you. He pulls you back into his embrace, and you sigh softly as he wraps his arms around you.

Jungkook holds you tighter, nuzzling his face in your hair. The inebriating scent of your shampoo fills his nose, and his dick twitches in his underwear.

You hum, and he holds you tighter. “Morning,” he says, voice low and gravelly.

You make another sound that can pass as a hum, but you move against him, until you’ve wrapped an arm around his middle. There’s a moment where silence reigns again, and Jungkook is afraid you’ve fallen back asleep, but then you say, “Morning.”

He smiles. “Slept well?” he asks, kissing the top of your head.

He’s convinced you’re smiling against him as you say, “Want to sleep more.”

He whines, which earns him a chuckle from you that makes the wariness settle back in, even as his heart feels full in his chest.

It never felt full without you. Another reason why he needs to be ready for the blow, whenever it comes.

“I want you,” he admits. “Can’t sleep.”

You hum again, and your hand slides down his back. You squeeze his ass, and then move the hand back up. “You’re going to have to try.”

He whines, lips jutting out in a pout. “Boring.”

At that you laugh, pushing him slightly until you’re able to look him in the eye. He keeps the pout on, knowing that it always worked with you before.

“It’s not even morning,” you point out.

“The sun is up.”

You roll your eyes, though your lips are curved upwards, your gaze beaming as you hold his. “We fucked twice last night.”

He shrugs, rolling on his back so that he can stare up at the ceiling. He pulls at his piercing, the new one, and then turns his head towards you again. “Yeah, and?”

“Surely you don’t need to fuck right now,” you tease.

He frowns, looking away again. “Not my fault if I haven’t fucked since… May. Last weekend doesn’t count.”

“I’m pretty sure it does,” you say, laughing lightly. You prop yourself up on an elbow, blinking away the tiredness as you meet his gaze again. “And besides,” you pause, features turning confused as a crease appears between your brows. “Haven’t you fucked while we were…” you trail off, motioning vaguely around you.

And then something occurs to Jungkook. Something bad – maybe the explosion was closer than he expected it to be. Maybe he’s been standing in the radius of impact, waiting for the bomb to go off. And maybe your sleep deprived brain forgot the measure of protection, maybe it forgot he was standing there.

Because your eyes go round with fear, right as a drop of lead solidifies in Jungkook’s stomach.

“What?” he lets out.

What a stupid question to ask. He wants to beat himself up, because he knows.

He knows now that you’ve been with someone else. Why else would you be surprised that he hasn’t?

“I’m just saying…” you try, but it’s too late.

The bomb has gone off, and all that’s left is rumbles.

“Get out,” Jungkook says, and somehow it’s lacking bite. It’s lacking anger, lacking any signs that he cares for you.

It surprises even himself – doesn’t he care? Or is there nothing left of him in the aftermath of the explosion?

“Kook.”

“You’ve fucked someone else,” he states. When you don’t say anything, just watch him in horror, he sits up in bed. “Get out.”

“Come on,” you let out this time, following him up. You wrap yourself in the blanket, his blanket, and he wants to rip it from your body. Doesn’t want anything that’s his to be in contact with you anymore. “It didn’t mean anything,” you say, and you’re suddenly blinking back tears. “It was just one-time.”

“Frankly, I don’t want to know,” Jungkook says, and he really doesn’t. Doesn’t want to think about another man’s hand on you, or he’ll break.

He’s done breaking for you.

You don’t fight the tears, as you understand that the end really has come. At least that’s what he thinks happens – you just sit there, gaze heavy with tears until they fall, little droplets that carry a world of regret.

After all, the distance really was enough to break you up, wasn’t it?

Jungkook watches you, surprised that his heart is not clenching in his chest. No, he feels nothing as he watches you – he’s already cried enough for you.

“We were broken up,” you murmur, holding his gaze. “It’s not like I cheated.”

At that he laughs, shaking his head. If you can’t understand that he’s done, that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with you anymore, then he’ll do it the harsh way.

“I don’t give a fuck,” he says. “I couldn’t be with someone else. I tried, and you were all I could think of. And…”

“You tried!” you interject. “You tried and you’re giving me shit for it?”

He gets up, trying to put distance between you and him, as if that’ll make the fight easier.

“I still chose not to do it,” he coldly states. “The girl was willing, she even kissed me and…”

“You kissed someone else?”

He laughs again, the absurdity of the situation dawning upon him. “Yeah? Tae set me up on a date, and the girl kissed me at the end and I told her I couldn’t. I didn’t fuck someone else.”

The way he’s throwing the blame at you feels selfish, especially as more tears join those already sliding down your cheeks.

“How is that fair, that you’re mad at me when you literally went on a date with someone else?” You pause, choking on a sob as you try to dry your cheeks. “Come on, Kook, it meant nothing.”

“Who did you fuck anyway?” he asks.

For a reason unknown, your tears stop. Entirely, there a moment and gone the next. “Why do you want to know?”

He doesn’t. He doesn’t fucking want to know, and he scoffs as he runs a hand through his hair, pulling at the strands. “Get out,” he says again, still as stern and void of emotion.

“It was Harrison,” you still say. “I switched departments because I didn’t want to see him again after that.”

Now, there’s an inkling of pain tickling the carcass of his dead heart. As if there was still more, for him to feel, even after everything. As if pain is but a constant of his life now, and he thinks maybe it is.

“Your colleague?” he repeats, dumbfounded.

He’s met Harrison a couple of times, throughout your relationship. He’s always thought the guy was decent, but now something very ugly settles deep in his core. Something that tells him, ‘Hey, maybe he’s only ever wanted to fuck her, maybe he was waiting for his chance’.

The words are on a loop in his head, and he doesn’t even think he can see you anymore. All that he sees is Harrison with his hands on you, in his ever-too creative mind.

He startles as you put a hand on his arm. He shrugs your grip off, steps away from you. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

“Kook, I swear, please listen to me,” you beg, and now you’re crying again.

He shakes his head. “I don’t want to.” At that he shuts his eyes, runs a hand on his forehead and then through his hair. “I really don’t want to. I don’t want you to be here anymore.”

“It didn’t mean anything,” you say, an echo of something you said earlier. Though this time you say it differently, as if you too sensed the finality in Jungkook’s tone.

He doesn’t think he’ll ever want you to be around anymore. He was stupid to give you a chance after you broke his heart – you chose to break up, months ago. Why would it be different this time around?

“It doesn’t matter,” he tells you, as softly as he can. Because he knows you’ll break even more, and some dark, twisted part of him is satisfied that this time, this time he’s the one with all the power over you. “I’m done, Y/n.”

The words sound like thunder, in all their calmness. In all their softness – or maybe that was the sound of your heart breaking. Whatever it was, Jungkook really is done. He wants you gone, wants to be able to break in the quiet peace of his home.

A home you aren’t a part of anymore.

You nod. He expects you to fight more, but you nod. Choke out a sob, turn around, and start putting your clothes on. He figures he should dress too, so he does, picking up discarded items of clothing on the floor, not caring that they probably aren’t clean. All that he cares about is to get you out of his apartment, out of his sight.

And when you’re ready, he walks you to the front door. Lets you say goodbye to Bam, a crushing parallel to the time you’ve said goodbye in May. Bam still looks confused, and Jungkook feels bad, for a moment. Because you were the dog’s mother – he’s been looking for you ever since May. Jungkook can only hope that, this time around, Bam understands that it’s farewell.

When you straighten, you mutter an apology. Jungkook ignores it, holds your gaze expecting something to hurt, but he’s just empty. Empty and tired, and all he wants is to go back to sleep and to never wake up again.

“I can’t let you go,” you let out, voice stark with pain.

He shrugs. “You should have realized that in May.”

You close your eyes, and you look so fragile. Like glass – it never survives the shockwave of an explosion, doesn’t it?

“Please,” you beg. “Let me make it up to you.”

He laughs bitterly. “How? You’re going to go back in time and not get fucked by him? You’re going to go back in time and not break up?”

You look like you want to curse him, and he almost wants you to. He wants you to fight, wants you to make him feel something other than this emptiness. Instead, you shake even more, sobs racking through you.

“I wish I could.”

“Leave.”

“Jungkook, I swear,” you insist. “Let’s not lose each other over this.”

He wets his lips, tongue pushing in the inside of his cheek next. “We’ve lost each other already. It’s time we realize that we have.”

And that does it. You fall silent, defeat washing over you like a tsunami wave – there’s nothing left after its passage, and you look tired, sick, standing there right next to the door.

“I’m so sorry,” you apologize again.

He shrugs. “It’s whatever. The past is the past.”

You look like you want to say something else, but somehow you remain silent. Somehow you look at him for a time, bloodshot eyes taking in his features as if it’s the last time you’ll ever see him again. He surprises himself by doing it too, mostly by instinct. Because right now, looking at you makes him want to be sick, but he knows that it won’t last.

He knows that the echo of pain in the distance is a good indicator that he still has it in him to break for you. That he’ll break for you forever, perhaps. Because he doesn’t think that there’s an end to you and him. It’s always going to be a cycle, and it’ll never end well.

“Goodbye, Jungkook,” you murmur.

He offers you a tight-lipped smile. “Goodbye.”

All he can do is hope you know it means farewell.

Thursday, October 5th

                You used to love fall. The cooler weather, the long walks that smell like soil and fallen leaves and pumpkins. Nowadays, you hate fall.

You hate it because he loved it, and every reminder of him is poison to you. And though the season is still early, the days are getting shorter, and the longer the night, the more you drown in thoughts.

You haven’t slept in weeks. Have barely eaten too, and you’ve been off from work for a week. It’s allowed you to stay in, to just sit and try to breathe, hoping that it’ll help.

That it’ll fix something that’s never going to be fixed.

You’re lost. Lost in a town that used to be your home, lost in memories that used to be beauty brought to life – now, you’re seeing the ugliness in beauty. Because beauty is temporary, and like all temporary things in life it doesn’t last long enough. Beauty, and the ending temporality of it, leaves nothing when it goes but a bitter taste in mouth.

Perhaps that’s why you haven’t been able to eat properly.

You haven’t spoken to anyone, since the early morning he asked you to leave. Yet for some reason, you’ve felt the need to go outside today. To walk around, aimlessly perhaps, but you couldn’t stay inside a second longer. Too many tears were shed in your apartment, and you hoped the cool weather would help you feel better.

It does, a little. Because you feel like you’re breathing him in every time you inhale, and then carry him out on an exhale. You feel close to him, in a distant way that’s bound to only make you break harder tonight, but right now you can’t bring yourself to care. You do hate the reminders of him, but you need them. Viscerally, as he was the oxygen in your lungs for so long.

You’re going to have to learn how to live without him, one step at a time.

So you take another step, let your instinct carry you where you have to go. Maybe it knows how to heal.

The sun is descending in the sky, and the absence of clouds lead to a sea of azure you’d swim in if you could. You’d soar up high, so high that there isn’t oxygen anymore, and maybe then the pain would cease. You’d ride a sunray into the night, where you’d finally be able to fall into a well-deserved slumber.

As you look up, a tiny bird flies across the sky, a small speck of brown that goes so fast you think you imagine it. Like the years with him – they went by so quickly, the crushing wheel of time spinning down the slope towards the end.

Seven years ago, almost to the day, you kissed him on a hotel roof lost in Chicago, under clouds painted with fire. Who knew seven years later you’d be trying to live without him, clearly failing at it.

You sigh, pushing the thought away as you reach a crossing. You wait for the light to turn green, then follow the parallel white lines across the road. You avoid a pile of leaves, though a strong gust of wind makes some of them swirl around you, spinning like Mother Nature’s tiny dancers.

The foliage in the trees along the street is golden and red, bright colours that look out of place in the bleakness of your heart. You follow them, wonder if they know that they are about to die. The answer is one you’ll never have, and so you walk under the trees, the autumn breeze playing with your hair.

You don’t know where your steps have been carrying you. You’ve long gone past the places you usually go to, heading towards the middle of the city. The no man’s land between you and Jungkook, spread wide in a maze of streets you want to get lost in.

So you do. You press on, walk until the sun becomes a ball of melted gold nearing the horizon, and it’s on the corner of a street that a glint in a vitrine catches your eyes.

You eye the rings, crafted by an expert hand. Bands of gold, with diamonds and emeralds and gems you don’t know the name of. They look expensive, elegant, and you wonder if you would have had a ring on your finger one day, bought by him.

Recklessly, you walk into the shop, wishing to peruse its vitrines, hoping they’ll offer you dreams to survive the night. And you can almost see it – a ring on your finger, a proposal under a star-sprinkled sky, an intimate wedding for you and him. A dance, always and forever, of love shared like a secret in the night. Your secret, as the end would have one day come for you and him, an eternity of life later. You would have been old and grey, yet your love would have been young and eternal.

In this dream, he would have never taken the job overseas. You’d have stayed here, together, growing old by his side. You would have gotten more dogs, maybe even a cat, and you’d have lived happily ever after.

You wonder if, in a parallel universe to yours, the dream is unfolding. If parallel-universe you has the chance to experience it, and you think she does. You think she does, and the love is so strong it’s shaking through universes, picking you up like you’re just a leaf in an autumn wind.

Because why else, then, do you find yourself buying a gold band? Too big for you, masculine in its simplicity. Something you think he would have worn, had you been in that other universe.

You sit on a bench outside, after, as the last of the sunlight finally fades away, replaced by a blue dusk that matches your mood far better than the sun ever could. You have no idea where you are in the city, no will to brave the trek back home – you’ve been out for hours at this point.

You grab your phone, long forgotten in your purse. You haven’t touched it all day, and to your surprise you’ve received a couple of texts while you were walking, all by the same person.

[04:37 pm] Jimin: hey, this is going to sound crazy [04:37 pm] Jimin: and I’m really sorry to be telling u this [04:37 pm] Jimin: can u go check on JK? [04:38 pm] Jimin: he’s been unreachable for days and at this point I think he’ll only talk to u

You want to text him back to fuck off, to leave you alone, yet you hold on tighter to the velvety box in which the gold band hides. After all, even if you’ve received the texts hours ago, you’re realizing perhaps that that’s where your steps have been leading you anyway.

It’s stupid – he asked you to leave. Hasn’t contacted you once since then, and it’s like the wedding and the week after never happened. Like you’ve been broken up for months, like you barely know him anymore. He’s a stranger now, in your life, something you’d never thought he’d become someday.

And why would he talk to you? Why would he want you in his vicinity, when he made it clear as spring water that he was done, that the end had come to pass between you and him?

But if the end has come, why is that you’ve been feeling like you’re surrounded by him, today? Like you’ll always be – just a drop of water in the sea of him. Perhaps you are weak, to feel for him the way that you do, but seven years ago, the cataclysm that started you and him shook you, and its repercussions are still felt today. Will be felt until your dying breath, until all that’s left of you is stardust.

So you let your feet carry you, weightless in the way that you’re moving forward. Like you are once again but a leaf carried by the wind, and you can only hope that it’ll let you land in the right place.

You don’t really know how you make it to his building. Perhaps you were closer than you initially thought you were – all that you know is that you recognize the building, and that you sense his proximity through the walls.

Your heart reaches for him, longs for him in a way you can’t ignore anymore. Because you’ve been dead, without him. Just a shell of what you should be, of what you want to be. Because yes, you could learn to live without him. After everything that you’ve been through, you know well enough that you are strong enough to do it.

But you don’t want it. You want that dream you’ve found in the jewelry shop, want to make it possible. Want to prove that, no matter who would ever get close to you, he’ll always be the owner of your heart.

So you walk in. Reach the elevator, press on the call button. Then on the fourth floor, reminiscing the night you rode the elevator in his company, right before the fall. The new fall, a harshest one that made you reach those low levels of hell that living without him are consisted of.

You awaken when you are standing in front of his door. You think you can almost hear him inside, moving around through his home. You wonder if he can hear your heartbeat, where you’re standing. If he too can tell that you’re nearby once again, even though you shouldn’t have been.

Even though farewells have come to pass between you and him.

You don’t knock. You don’t have to. To your surprise, the door opens in front of you, slowly, before you’ve even managed to raise your arm to knock. Then his voice fills your ear, as he tells Bam to wait. You just stand there, dumbfounded, and then his eyes move from the floor to your face, and his mouth falls open.

Bam jumps on you, tail wagging wildly as you take a step back from the force of impact. You pet him on the head, pushing him back to the floor as you try to focus on Jungkook.

And then it dawns upon you that you have no clue what to tell him. You reckon you maybe should have prepared something in advance, because you’re wordless standing in front of him.

“Hey,” you eventually say, and you think the world has time to revolve around the sun three times before you manage to say something else. “How are you?”

His mouth slowly shuts, and you watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows. He pulls on Bam’s leash, tells the dog to sit, before he finally addresses you. Just your name, and the way he says it make it sound formal, like you’re just a stranger.

“What are you doing here?” he asks after another moment.

You look down at your hands. At the box you’re holding, and his eyes follow after you. “I was thinking of you, today,” you admit.

He sighs, and his eyes shut. “You were?”

You nod as he meets your gaze again. “When am I not?” Your comment doesn’t ask for a response, and he doesn’t offer you one either. “Jimin told me you’ve been unreachable.”

“Yeah,” he lets out. “I’ve been busy.”

“Oh.” You try to look behind him, as if you’ll find his reason to be busy there. “Can I talk to you?”

He says your name, this time like an apology. “I told you we were done.”

You shrug. “I know.” You gulp, fingers playing with the velvet box as if it’ll help ground you. “Can I walk Bam with you, then?”

He looks conflicted but he gives in. Says yes in a defeated way that rips your heart from your chest, in a way that makes you cling to the ring box even more, hoping that it’ll offer you salvation.

Being outside in the early fall evening with him feels like the Earth has finally returned to its normal axis. You don’t say anything, unable to find the words, and he remains silent too. You just enjoy his company, watching over Bam as he sniffs at plants before peeing on a pole.

Stars are twinkling in the sky up above. The breeze is still soft tonight, caressing your features in a gentle embrace that resembles the one he’d used to offer you, though it’s far colder than his. You spare a glance at him – he’s already looking, and he doesn’t look away as your gazes connect.

“What are you doing here?” he asks again.

You wet your lips. “I don’t know,” you admit. “I’ve been thinking about you.”

“How is that an explanation?” A shrug of your shoulders is all the answer he gets. He scoffs, shakes his head slightly, and then his head turns toward the door of his building. “I have hot chocolate inside,” he tells you, once again sounding defeated. “Do you want a cup?”

Turns out salvation wasn’t to be found in the velvet box you’re holding, but in the gentle angles of Jungkook’s features, behind his big doe eyes that will forever feel like home to you.

“I don’t want to intrude,” you tell him, voice soft. “I just wanted to… talk.”

“Then let’s talk over a cup of hot chocolate,” he says.

Which is what you do. You follow him in, feeling like you’re out of place in his life. Like he’s only giving this to you because of what you used to be to one another. Yet you don’t care. You’re slowly finding words, your brain shaping them into sentences to change an ending you can’t come to terms with.

Jungkook prepares the hot chocolate in silence, as you sit at his small dinner table. You play with Bam as he does so, a game of tug-of-war that you’re bound to lose as the dog is far stronger than you. Yet you still indulge, as you’ve missed Bam far more than you even thought possible.

The game is only interrupted when Jungkook rests a cup of steaming hot chocolate on the table next to you. You let Bam go, and the dog trots away to go play somewhere else, you can only assume.

“What did you want to talk about?”

You’ve left the ring box on the table. You’ve noticed Jungkook glancing at it repeatedly since you’ve put it there, and you worry at your bottom lip.

“I wanted to apologize again, for what it’s worth,” you answer. “I felt horrible when it happened, and just wanted to forget all about it.”

His features turn harsh, and his eyes drop into the cup of hot chocolate he’s nursing for himself. It reminds you of a café, of a conversation you had years ago, that led to you opening up to him, and to him opening up to you.

“I love you,” you continue. “I haven’t stopped loving you, and if I’d known that breaking up would hurt so much, I would’ve fought harder. I wish I had, and I wish I’d never let you go.”

“But you did…” he says when you remain silent for a few seconds.

“But I did. And I understand if you hate me for it. If you don’t want to ever see me again. But shit, you’re the only thing that I’ve been able to think about. Just you, and everything that could have been, had I been stronger.”

You grab the cup of hot chocolate, the warmth of it slowly seeping through your cold fingers. For the next few minutes, you don’t say anything, and neither does he. You just drink the hot chocolate, hoping you’ll find more words to say at the bottom of the cup.

“The distance was hard,” Jungkook eventually says. “I don’t blame you for wanting to end things over it.”

It surprises you. Makes your brain go entirely empty, and you just watch him with wide eyes for a few seconds.

He shrugs as you don’t say anything. “What?” He looks down, tongue darting out to play with his piercings. “I’ve been thinking about everything too.”

“Yeah?”

He nods. “I over-reacted, when you told me you had sex with Harrison,” he admits.

Totally not expecting the conversation to take this turn, you’re stunned silent.

“I was shocked, and needed time to process,” he continues. “You were right, the fact that I went on a full-on date is just as bad, differently. We were broken up, we didn’t owe each other anything.”

As much as it pains you to agree, you still do, nodding your head. “We didn’t.”

He purses his lips, holds your gaze for a few seconds before glancing down at his cup. The silence is more comfortable now, as you think maybe, maybe then the dream you’ve dreamed about isn’t just a distant mirage of what could have once been. It’s foolish, but you can’t help it.

You think your heart is beating for the first time since you left that morning weeks ago.

“Did you want to speak about anything else?” he asks after he’s taken a long sip of his hot chocolate.

You take a deep breath, and somehow courage finds you on the long exhale. “I don’t want us to be over.”

You think you hear him gulp. “You don’t?”

Blinking away a few tears, you shake your head no. “I really don’t. I walked around all day today, and all I could think about was you. All I could think of was all the years between us, from when we met to a few weeks ago. And I don’t know, I refuse to accept that the end has come.”

“When does it come, then?” he asks.

“When the end comes?”

He nods.

“After years and years,” you say, allowing yourself to voice your dream. “Hopefully after we’ve had years to live together. After we’ve gotten married, and maybe even after we’ve had kids. Not that I want some.” You pause, and you look down at the table, unable to carry the weight of his gaze anymore. “Or maybe after we’ve had plenty of dogs, a cat or two. After we’ve had a house with a white picket fence, after we’ve danced under a thousand different night skies.” A tear rolls on your cheek, and you do nothing to stop it. “After we’ve travelled the world together, after we’ve had a chance to live, together.”

“And what happens after we’ve lived together?” he presses.

You shrug. “Then we die together. Then we turn into stardust and memories. I don’t care. As long as it’s with you, I don’t care what happens to me.”

Blurry behind the wall of tears in your eyes, you see Jungkook run a hand through his hair. “You don’t?”

“I don’t,” you echo. “I just want to get to love you.”

At that you do cry. And not just a little bit. Your heart longs and yearns for him, reaching in the space between you, trying to find a beat to sync with. You wipe your cheeks dry with trembling hands, before pressing the heel of your palms on your eyes, hoping to stop the cascade at the source.

“It’s a nice dream,” Jungkook says after the few minutes it takes you to collect yourself, your hands falling to the table.

“Is it?”

He nods. “Yeah. I don’t think we’d do a white picket fence though. I’ve always found cedar trees make a better fence.”

Something stirs inside of you, and you want to take a hold of him, and to never let go. “Yeah?”

He sits back in the chair, looks up to the ceiling as he blinks away the silver in his own gaze. You wonder if he’s crying because he saw you cry, as the sympathetic crier that he is, or because he shares the emotions in your heart.

“Where would you want to get married?” he asks then.

You push the velvet box towards him. “This is for you.”

He doesn’t acknowledge this, instead repeating the question.

“Somewhere in the countryside,” you answer. “Maybe the cottage where it all started.” You think about Julys of a world ago. “Under the night sky.”

“People don’t usually get married when it’s already dark.”

“Right,” you let out. “Then we’d have a ceremony for just us two when it’s dark outside.”

At that he grabs the box, opening it. You reckon he must have known what the content was, because he doesn’t say anything as he takes it out. As he tries to put it on his finger, though it doesn’t fit. It’s too tight, and it makes him chuckle, a sad sound that almost kills you on the spot.

“Do you think we’d dance under the stars?” he asks as he turns the gold band in his fingers, and light glimmers on it.

“Yes,” you say, nodding your head. “We always would.”

“So you came all the way here to tell me this?”

He meets your gaze again, for the first time in a while. He looks struck with emotion, much like you feel – the depths of his eyes are swirling with love and ache and yearning. You fall forward, fall in his eyes, trying to find home again.

“I came here to ask you to marry me,” you finally say, as it dawns upon you that, yes, your steps were leading you to this all along. “Jungkook, will you marry me?”

He smiles, a world of sadness etched in the sweet curve of his lips. “Can it be this easy?”

You shut your eyes. “It can. Please. Let’s not lose what we have again.”

“When would you like to get married?” he asks.

“Are you saying yes?”

He plays with his piercing, takes a deep breath as he chases tears away from his gaze but to no avail. You watch the two drops as they slowly roll down his face. “When would you like to get married?”

“In July,” you answer easily.

“Next year?”

You nod.

He holds your gaze for a few seconds more, then looks at the gold band again. His fist closes around it, slowly, as if he’ll be able to crush it in his hold. For what you don’t know. All that you know is that his features grow tortured, pained. It doesn’t last long – another deep breath later the expression is gone.

“I need to tell you something,” he says then, his voice so small you can barely hear it.

You prepare yourself. As well as you can, expecting the blow before it comes. You sense it – in the eternity it takes for him to speak again, you see every moment of you and him before this day, your life flashing before your eyes as if you’re about to die.

And then he says it a first time. At first you don’t even understand the words, as if he’s speaking a foreign language. So you let out, “What?”, hoping that it will change the cruelty that this world holds.

But nothing can, after the end has come. Nothing, especially not as he repeats the words, softly, their meaning tainting the dream you’ve just painted with him, until all that’s left of it is a bitter aftertaste in your mouth.

“I’m permanently moving to South Korea.”

Prev | Next

☆☆☆☆☆

I'm sorry for the angst, for the cliffhanger, for them to be so stubborn and for how life is working against them now. I hope you don't hate me too much after this :') let me know what you think of this chapter!

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2023. Do not copy, repost or translate.

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[unreliablesnake]

You're mine (Tangerine x reader)

Summary: It always begins with a drink, continues with something stupid, and ends in the bedroom. But when you having a boyfriend endangers your situationship, Tangerine decides to show you who you belong to.

Note: I was listening to Bad Memories months ago and had this idea. Today I finished this story. I hope you'll like it. / If you want to know when I post new stuff, follow @unreliablesnakefics and hit the get notifications button.

Warning: if you squint, there's a smutish part. f!reader. i didn't do any proofreading. oops.

“That’s a terrible idea,” Lemon warned.

Tangerine didn’t care much about these words while he buttoned up his vest. It was past nine when he had called to see if you were up to going out and having some fun with him, and ever since then, Lemon had done nothing but voice his concern regarding this little plan of his.

And just as he put on his favorite striped blue jacket, Lemon went on. “You go out with her, you drink a lot, you do some stupid shit, and then you spend the next weeks dwelling on her going back to whatever guy she’s fucking at the moment,” he explained.

“I’m not dwelling on anything, for fuck's sake,” Tangerine stated with a roll of his eyes. “I don’t care about who she’s with, I’m not looking for a relationship.”

Lemon snorted at this. “Then why do you always look like a kicked puppy whenever you see pictures of her and her boyfriend on social media?” he asked with a questioning look.

He opened his mouth to respond to this, but eventually Tangerine decided to remain silent. It wasn’t worth the fight, he was in too good of a mood for that. So he picked up his phone from the coffee table, waved goodbye, and left the apartment they shared.

As he was heading to the bar where you were supposed to meet, Lemon’s words came to his mind to haunt him. He would have never admitted it, but his brother was right. He hated to see you with someone else despite your relationship always being casual.

The cool spring air helped him calm down, the barely detectable panic about what would happen after tonight disappearing without a trace. You were good for him, especially after spending a lot of time doing job after job. You were his stress relief, a little vixen who could make him feel oh-so-good with just one intoxicating kiss.

And tonight he wanted to take his time enjoying you in every possible way, from drinking to sex, he had several ideas about how to fill the night. You were usually down for anything, that was one of the things he fucking loved about you. He had once stolen a motorcycle someone left unattended when you were out together, while another time you broke into a public bath to skinny dip in the middle of the night.

Inside the bar he sat down at a table, his phone in hand as he waited for you to arrive. He was early, he knew that, but he simply couldn't wait to see you again. Fuck, maybe Lemon was right, maybe he was taking it a little more seriously than he should have.

After all, he was painfully aware of the lack of posts on your social media accounts. In the past two weeks or so you hadn't posted a damn thing, so he had no idea what was going on in your life.

And then, after about fifteen minutes of agonizing waiting, his eyes finally fell on you. You were breathtaking in the tight red dress you were wearing, sliding through the crowd with ease and grace, and his mouth was already watering at the thought of having you at his mercy at one point tonight.

“Well, hello, stranger,” you greeted him happily, moving closer to give him a hug once he stood up.

Tangerine let his arms wrap around you a little tighter than usual, palms flat against your back as he pulled you into his chest. He inhaled the scent of your perfume, then let his lips brush your cheek as he pulled away.

You didn't make a big deal out of this move of his, in fact, you acted like nothing even happened. When you let go of him and stepped back to put your purse on the table, he felt terrible from the sudden lack of contact. Normally you would be all over him by now, what the hell was different this time?

“Is everything okay?” he asked cautiously.

You flashed a bright and beautiful smile at him. “Everything's great. I'll get a drink then we can talk.”

He raised his hand to stop you from leaving. “No, please, let me handle that. The usual?” You nodded without thinking. “I'll be right back.”

There was no ring on your finger, he checked that. So if you weren't engaged, then why were you keeping your distance? Were you in a serious relationship? Shaking his head with a groan, Tangerine walked over to the bar and tried to get these thoughts out of his mind. He wasn't in love with you, why would it matter if you were seeing someone?

It had been four months since you had last met, maybe you just needed a drink or two to loosen up a bit. Yes, this must have been it.

When he returned with your drink, he saw you type something on your phone with a loving smile on your lips. He had seen that smile in photos before every time you were in a serious relationship. The little green-eyed monster awakened inside him, making him angry that you had someone in your life now.

He came to a sudden halt a few feet from the table as realization hit him like a train. He did care about whether or not you were in a relationship with someone else. Fuck, that was never the plan. This was supposed to be a casual thing, just two adults having fun every now and then without emotions being involved.

Maybe he should focus on having a perfectly innocent conversation with you, and once his glass becomes empty, he should leave and go to another bar to pick up someone who was available. Just a one-night stand to release some stress, nothing more.

“Tan, you okay?” you asked when you put down the phone with a frown.

He put on a fake smile and nodded. “Yeah, I'm good, just thought I saw someone I know over there,” he lied. Once he handed you your cocktail, he took his place and folded his hands on the table. “What's going on with you lately? You barely post anything on social media, I'm not used to that.”

You let out a laugh before taking a sip of your drink. “My boyfriend likes to keep his private life private. Thought I should try what that's like. So far so good,” you reported to his surprise.

You had always been the type of woman who wasn't afraid to show off online, making your friends and acquaintances jealous for you having such an exciting life. You didn't have a nine-to-five job, you were living off of the money you inherited from your late and rich uncle who had no children or wife, but liked you very much.

“So it's pretty serious, huh? I'm surprised. Even in serious relationships you never had a problem with living your life like you wanted. And never cared about having fun with whoever you liked,” Tangerine added, immediately regretting being this straightforward without discussing what would happen later tonight.

“Yeah, well, people change. I was a bitch for cheating on my exes. I would never do this to Oliver,” you told him with a sigh.

He flinched when he heard the last part. “He has a name. Good to know.”

Suddenly you leaned forward and narrowed your eyes at him. “Are you jealous?” He rolled his eyes and shook his head, hoping this would be enough for now. But you didn't buy it. “I know this was a booty call, Tan, but I literally wrote it in the message that I'm meeting you as a friend this time. You didn't reply so I thought you were okay with this,” you told him with a hand on your forehead.

“You never sent me that message,” he said as he picked up his phone and opened the messaging app to show you the conversation.

And sure enough, you quickly realized he never received that one. You glanced at your own device and let out a groan when you noticed the goddamn app didn't send it. “I'm so sorry. I feel stupid.”

Tangerine reached out to put a hand on yours. “You're not stupid. But answer me this. Does he fuck you as good as I do?” he asked, deciding that being bold was the right move in this game if he wanted to get his fix from you. But you didn't answer, you didn't even look him in the eye. “Come on, love, answer me. Does he make you come as hard and as many times as I do?”

When you still refused to answer, he let go of your hand so he could pull his chair next to yours to wrap an arm around your shoulder while his other hand grabbed your chin. He leaned so close to you that his lips almost touched yours. You froze like a deer in the headlights, your eyes locked on his piercing blue ones.

“Just one more night. One more, and if you still don't want anything from me, I'll disappear for good,” he told you quietly, but with such confidence that he already knew he won.

But you hesitated. You still hesitated and he hated it. You hadn't been like this before, back in the day you would have said yes without thinking. So he did the only thing he could think of–he kissed you. His lips were moving slowly against yours, tongue swiping over your bottom lip to gain access to your mouth.

“Tan,” you tried weakly as you pushed him away a little.

This only made him more determined to get you. So he put his hand on the back of your neck and pulled you closer again, gripping you tightly enough to make it impossible to escape. You gave in eventually, your lips moving in perfect sync, just like in the good old days. This was all he wanted, you submitting to him once again.

Just when you buried your fingers in his neatly combed hair, you moved on to kiss his jaw before you moved closer to his ear. “I fucking hate you,” you whispered.

“Not for long, trust me,” he said with a satisfied smirk when he looked you in the eye.

Since you had a serious relationship now, you couldn't go to your place so the neighbors wouldn't accidentally talk about your little affair, while his home was also out of the question because Lemon was there. So he did the only thing he could think of and took you to a nearby hotel. He was looking for something fancy, something that would be good enough for you.

He ordered champagne, but only after the first glass he was all over you again and you didn't stop him. Tonight was all about proving to you he put you first, that drawing orgasm after orgasm out of you with only his fingers and mouth was all he wanted.

Then came the begging. You were whining weakly under his touch, overstimulated and needy, eventually begging him to finally fuck you. And Tangerine was more than happy to give you what you asked for, ready to make you cock drunk and brainless. Once he was done with you, you wouldn't even remember that stupid boyfriend of yours.

In the morning he woke up to a phone buzzing nearby. It wasn't his, he knew that since it was on the nightstand, so it must have been yours. He glanced over at you, but you were still sleeping, so he got out of bed to check your bag. When he saw the name Oliver on the screen, he couldn't hold back a laugh.

A laugh that successfully woke you up.

“What are you doing?” you asked groggily as you rubbed your eyes.

Tangerine showed you the phone. “Your boyfriend wants to talk to you. Do you wanna talk to him?” When you opened your mouth to respond, he was quick to interrupt you. “Or we can forget he called and pick up where we left off last night,” he offered with a mischievous smile.

Three hours later he stumbled through the front door of his apartment, meeting Lemon in the living room. He had been watching TV, but now his eyes were focused on him, the disapproving look making Tangerine almost nervous. He raised an eyebrow, waiting to hear the lecture he knew his brother was already preparing in his head.

“Good news or bad news?” was all he asked in the end.

Tangerine flashed a smug smirk at him. “She's still mine.”

[princelylove]

Hello your highness. I hope everything is going great for you today. I keep post notifications on for you so when I saw that you wanted more asks I was on it. Don’t worry, I got you. You also mentioned dead dove so I was wondering how far Leone is willing to go? Like what deplorable things would he do for his darling? I mean I don’t really see him as the noncon type, so is “stalking” (if you count using his stand as stalking) the farthest extent he’s willing to go? I hope this satisfies, your highness

You keep post notifications on for me but aren't publicly adoring me? Shame. I wonder how many of you I've woken up in the middle of the night with seven posts in a row. Oops.

Leone, Leone... He's more of a creep than anything else. Anything further and he'd go back to cutting himself- he just can't take the shame.

Does that sense of intense shame stop him from actually creeping on you? Not really. Vaseline exists, he can just cut himself in a shallow way and somewhere he can take- as long as he punishes himself for it, he can sleep at night.

He doesn't go as far as actually taking his darling by force (in a sexual sense, he's not above kidnapping), Leone couldn't live with himself. He's just... normal really gross. Wants to fuck himself with your toothbrush kind of gross. Does he? No, but he'll use it as his own and dry the bristles with his hair dryer, and have the nerve to pretend you're sooo annoying the same day.

His years as a cop have lent him a very, very special skill: technique. Regular stealing, taking whatever right out of your bag or purse, getting into your apartment and getting a nice little haul for himself.... he's pretty aware of what not to do, why not try it? If anything, he can plant something of his in your bag and accuse you of stealing from him, so he could have 'the right' to look through the rest of your shit. Slimy bastard.

He's mean about it when he does it, too. Makes a whole scene. Now all of the other members know you've got sticky fingers, and that you went and stole from Leone of all people. He scolds you a bit too harshly for anyone's liking, but hey, we're all pretty used to rough talk like that- if you can't handle Leone's cursing, you're better off just, I don't know, not being in Passione.

Leone's pretty tame considering he's more about thoughts and subtle things than anything you'd actually see, and the fact that he wants you to do things to him instead of what you'd expect. He'd be creepier if he wanted to touch you, but instead, he's just perpetually putting himself out as bait. Then changing his mind because it's embarrassing and gaslighting you if you fell for it- why are you touching his hips, are you a sexual predator? They need to put your ass on a list, and that's saying something coming from a mafioso.

Godddd, but you're so gorgeous, he wants it. He'll satiate himself with shoving his face in your dirty laundry, or your pile of shoes in your closet...

[asordinaryppl]

A3! Main Story: Part 4 - Act 15: PAINFUL RE:BAKE - Episode 2: Portrait / Keiku Karashina

— Anything will do. I’m just lookin’ for something that’s easy to understand.

Everything in my life is boring and tasteless. Then one day, I realized I wasn’t as sensitive as other people.

If something’s sweet, I need it to be so sweet you’d puke. I don’t care for wasabi, but I do like karashi. (1) I like everything to the extreme, whether we're talking sweet or spicy.

I have a hard time feeling anything at all. Not only taste, but everything.

I’m not good at this non-verbal communication thing, I always have to think… either about how I can communicate what I think to others… Or about figuring out what everyone means but doesn’t say. It’s a hassle, it doesn’t make sense, it pisses me off.

In your teens, you’re packed in with others your age whether you like it or not, and you’re forced to do everything in groups. It makes me feel like there’s nothing fulfilling in life.

Life’s full of things that are hard to understand.

I don’t get how people can just go on with their lives in this incomprehensible world like it’s nothing.

That’s why, I started lookin’ for easy to understand tastes… And easy to understand communication.

For example, something like–

-

Rough-looking guy: –gh

Keiku: … Comm’s done and over with.

[Phone notification blip]

Keiku: …

momo: “log in as soon as u see this!”

Keiku: ?

Iv has joined the chat Kar has joined the chat Kar: suuup shiki has joined the chat shiki: did something happen? momo: you won’t believe it, something crazy just happened! momo: idk how, but i got a famous influencer to join my troupe! shiki: that’s great news! congratulations! Iv: oooo grats Kar: who’s the influencer? momo: have you heard of ibukichi? shiki: my friends follow them Kar: i think i’ve heard of em momo: i never thought someone this famous would join! i’m shook! shiki: do you know what made them join? momo: just like me, they watched mankai company’s play and wanted to start acting! it’s like fate! momo: mankai company's tsuzuru-san also promised to write us a script if we get two more members! we’re THIS close!

Keiku: … Seriously?

momo: so, how about now? will you guys give joining the troupe another thought? Kar: naaah shiki: i’m fine with watching, but participating is another thing entirely, sorry momo: that’s what i thoughttt… momo: will you come watch if we manage to form a proper troupe and start performing then? momo: i want to meet you guys irl! Kar: nop shiki: i’m interested, but idk about meeting in person… i’ll definitely be supporting you from behind the scenes Iv: ^ thiiis Kar: gl tho

Keiku: Welp, we can't meet anyways.

Keiku: (If he ends up being too persistent, I’ll get pissed off and cut him off… Actually, I should just do that now.)

Keiku: (Texting is a chill and easy to understand communication method. It’s straightforward, with no hidden meanings.)

Keiku: (Doesn't hafta be with these guys though…)

Keiku: …

Keiku: (Well, whatever.)

[Phone ringing]

Friend A: “Wassuuup?”

Keiku: Lemme stay the night.

Friend A: “Sure thing, but are you not gonna go home again?”

Keiku: Ain’t ever goin’ back.

Friend A: “Quit lyin’.”

Keiku: (This meaningless back and forth is easy too but…)

Keiku: (... I don’t know what he’s thinkin’ from the other end of the phone, and I don’t get why he always lets me stay over, but it’s whatever.)

Keiku: (Well, I’ve found a place to crash for tonight, that’s good enough. No probs here.)

Rough-looking guy: Wait…

Keiku: ?

Rough-looking guy: Tell me your damn name…

Keiku: Oops, totally slipped my mind. TY.

Keiku: I’m… Nachi Komada of “Wolf”~!

previous episode | masterpost | next episode

NOTES:

(1) karashi (japanese mustard) is made from crushed mustard seeds mixed with horseradish and is much, much spicier than western mustard

[bonesandthebees]

New rose chapter!!!!! Oh my gosh!!! I can’t express how excited I was to see that! I had just finished rereading glass yesterday and remembered how you told me I could subscribe to your ao3 to get notified— I very much did not expect to get an email notification the day after I subscribed (especially since it’s the first time I subscribe to an author and I wasn’t sure what the supposed notification email would look like)

I loved it a lot though, I’m so excited to be reading as the chapters come out for the first time even though I’m not used to not being able to read everything at once. I reread your big fics so so often that with your writing atp I’m used to doing my best to forget as many details and scenes so I can reread them time and time again and enjoy them a million times over but I always already know the direction it’s going in and what will be revealed and what the ending will be. But with this it’s the first time in a while again that I get to enjoy one of your big fics and I really don’t know anything about what’s going to happen, let alone the fact everyone else reading as well also doesn’t know what’s going to happen. It’s super fun and I’ve really been enjoying it so far!

I am always in awe as to how distinct you make each of your characters in every fic while still keeping the core of them consistently feel like *them*. It’s amazing to me seeing just how powerful the dynamics are that they are rewritten in so many different ways yet it’s still them, and I’ll always be impressed with how you manage to make each of them unique to each fic. I remember a whiiile ago when I was first reading your other long fics apart from clinic a friend asked me if I was doing it to pretend I was reading more of the characters in clinic and I was so surprised because it never even crossed my mind due to how vastly unique and separate they are from eachother. Like yeah, I’m still reading crimeboys— but even within world forgetting and clinic where they’re the same genre of au (and on top of that, both from Tommy’s pov) they’re so different and I’ll never get tired of it.

Anyways, I feel bad for how much I’ve rambled on now so I’ll end this here— in conclusion: love your writing and it was a great treat to get to read a new rose chapter :) !! Hope you have an incredible time next month :D

XIMA!!! omg that's so perfect I updated the day after you subbed to me. well now you know what the email looks like! you'll get one of those anytime I post anything to my ao3 now :)

I'm so glad you're enjoying reading along this time around!! though of course it makes me so happy to hear you reread my other big fics all the time and still enjoy them. I do also think there's something fun about reading along as an author posts. it's kind of like following a weekly tv show except instead of getting a new chapter every week right now my schedule is looking more like... once a month. oops. but it keeps you in suspense!

god that makes me so happy to hear. I always try very hard to make sure the characters feel distinct while still feeling like the same characters. I'm sure some bits feel repetitive after a while (like my routine for crimeboys bonding is pretty straightforward at this point I feel) but I try my best to make them as new and interesting as I can while still staying true to the core of the characters. like my different au characters all feel incredibly different from one another while still being the same characters in general. like I guess the closest two are stars!wilbur and rose!wilbur but even then they still have pretty distinct differences. but like clinic!wilbur is vastly different from like, most of my other fic!wilburs imo so while your friend is incredibly valid for wondering that it also makes zero sense to me lol

never feel bad for rambling in my inbox xima this made me so happy to see tysm. I'm so happy you're enjoying rose so far!!! and ty I'm very excited for my trip :D

[betweenthings2]

hello!!! warning you now that this is going to be the longest thing ever because i’m allergic to being concise but it’s finally time for me to actually send you an ask to gush and discuss your incredible writing. i’ve been interacting with your work on ao3 and tumblr for over a year now and i just lurk and heart everything because i refuse to use tumblr how it’s intended to be used🫣 but it’s time to show my face (even though this is anonymous oops) and say the quality of your writing is genuinely unparalleled to anything else i’ve ever read online and dare i say it comes close to/ overtakes some of the published books i’ve read and loved. you are such a talent it drives me crazy. you’ve quite literally spoiled fanfiction for me because i’ll read something for a different fandom and think “ugh it’s good but it’s not betweenthings2😔😔😔”

i saw you answer an ask a while ago asking what your goal for writing is and you said something along the lines of wanting to move people with your work. when i saw that it made me smile because you’ve achieved it ten times over and im worried you don’t realise it!!! so im going to tell you about my experience reading Roadkill for the first time (side note but in my opinion this is your best and therefore most underrated piece and i would love to talk about it further)

i remember being at a cafe that day by myself having a little drink and sweet treat and getting the email notification that you’d posted something to ao3 and nearly dying from anticipation for the rest of the day because i knew i wouldn’t do the fic justice to just quickly read it in a noisy cafe. it would be a waste of art. so in the evening i lied to my parents that i had plans with friends and wouldn’t be home for dinner and instead walked to the park near my house with a block of chocolate and sat on a park bench in the slightly-chilly-but-still-nice-out australian dusk. trust me i remember it so vividly because it’s like a core memory for me now. i’d been going through a really tough time mentally and felt super disconnected from everything and everyone. when i tell you i read all 35k words in one sitting and wept like a baby. i’m a very emotional girl dont get me wrong but the release that your writing made me feel was something so special that i’d never felt before. the whole piece is so devastating and confronting and just misery but it made me feel so seen and whole and human. if i could describe your writing in one word i think it would be human. everything is always raw and vulnerable and messy but so tender it just makes me insane. i sat in that park and cried for such a long time and even though the whole experience was so heavy and i could feel the grief you manufactured in my gut i left that park feeling lighter and grounded. i think that’s how anyone would feel after witnessing such greatness. (side note but i’ve actually banned myself from re-reading roadkill for the minute because it makes me lose my mind a bit too much but that’s just a further testament to you. can’t wait to get back to my scripture later on)

your other fics on ao3 and perfect as well and i read Second Letter From St Julian, All This Barley Getting By, I Forget A Lot Of Things But I’ll Never Forget You and Me And You vs Them religiously. they are my comfort fics through and through🩷 maybe the hyper fixation has gone too deep for me but when i’m trying to fall asleep i use the plots of your fics to expand on in my head and it’s just the perf combination to lull me to sleep.

now for imo the main event of this ask- i need to tell you the extreme and life threatening brainrot THIS specific line from Of Bouquets And Back Rubs has given me.

"Sorry," Matty apologizes.

George sighs, but doesn't stop. "I'm going to start talking to your therapist if you keep apologizing for things you don't need to apologize for," he says.

what the hell. you can’t just write that and expect my whole world to not revolve around it for the rest of my life. that line ping pongs around my head at all times. at work, in the shower, when i’m on a walk, when i’m laying in bed, it’s literally always on my mind. i don’t know why but i just thought you should know that’s it’s STUCK with me. like i’m truly affected. (if you ever wanted to expand on it you know you have at least one devoted fan of the idea)

hopefully this will be my first of many asks because it’s so nice to finally tell you how deeply in love i am with your words. to hold me accountable i’ll claim the matcha emoji 🍵 if that’s something you do!!!!

i just realised i didn’t tell you how your prompts make me melt but they do and i wouldn’t survive the commute to tafe without them. just little bites of pure literature you spoil us so much.

thanks for giving me something to lurk on and obsess over- it’s been an honour🩷 (also ps i wonder if you can figure out who this is based on the freaky amount of times i heart your posts. someone has to sit me down and explain that this isn’t instagram🤕)

Hi, newly christened Matcha Anon!! =)

I meant to answer this yesterday, but I just kept reading through it and being so incredibly touched and blown away by all of your kind words that I didn't entirely have a response, but I think I do now. I will also be long.

First of all, I am so touched (and a little surprised) that you find my writing to be on par with published novels, so thank you so much, that is such an amazing compliment!!! I can't believe I've spoiled you for fic. I'm getting back into the swing of things now that I'm home, so I'll have more fic for you soon.

I'm also so glad to hear that I've creating something moving. Sometimes I think I take things a little too seriously, particularly writing fic, but I'm thrilled to hear that you find my work moving. This will be stuck in my head forever:

"it would be a waste of art."

Roadkill was a lot to write because it gets so bleak and some of me is in there, but I'm so moved by your experience of reading it and honored that you would share it. That's my goal, generally--to create catharsis. And to see my fanfic called greatness? Oh my god. Oh my god. I have no words other than oh my god and thank you so, so much!!

I'm thrilled to see that Of Bouquets and Backrubs resonated with you, particularly that bit of dialogue. That whole fic was a little bit last minute, to be entirely honest and I was working so hard to make it fluffy, rather than angsty. I might expand on that fic in the future, but I also really like how it ended. Who knows what will happen. I don't.

I'm also so happy that you like the prompts! I think they're really fun to write and very low stakes for me. Apologies for not having a more regular schedule for posting anything, but there's no way I could keep that up for more than a week or two. I would explode.

Thank you so much for all the compliments and reading what I write!!! 💚💚💚

[lucysweatslove]

I got a notification that a claim for my ADHD neuropsych testing was approved.

I wanted to write up a whole thing about how absolutely ridiculous this is. But it’s honestly too much effort. (Edit, lmao I proceeded to write up a whole thing anyway)

I have incredible insurance. We have BCBS through my husband’s work, and they have amazing benefits. Like, “not possible to get a plan this good on the marketplace” amazing. The best plan on the marketplace rn is like $1130/month for two people, with a slightly lower PCP copay but higher deductible, OOP max, AND coinsurance. Can’t remember how much we pay in premiums, but it’s like… a couple hundred?

So, I’m not super mad that I have to pay $360ish to the neuropsych for the testing. I know it could be worse.

And that’s part of the problem. Sure, I have Cadillac insurance. I’m LUCKY. Incredibly fortunate or blessed or whatever. And maybe my state’s Medicaid would pay out for this too, but I don’t know. What I do know is that there is a significant care gap ALREADY for rural and low-income people here. What happens if you don’t qualify for Medicaid but can’t afford good health insurance? What if you can’t find a neuropsychologist in network? What if you end up responsible for the original $2,580, or even “just” the $1,330 allowable for BCBS? People can’t just afford that here, and this particular office won’t release any reports to you until you have paid. Meaning if somebody requires this service for a diagnosis but can’t pay- highly likely because ADHD can make holding down a job difficult- they’re SOL. They can’t get treatment.

I had to see a total of five people to get to this point. To be frank, I don’t even know yet if the report will corroborate my loved experience. I still don’t understand the point of this testing to begin with; I’ve had three people in the sphere say it’s likely, two of whom (a PhD and a therapist who specializes in neurodivergence) formally diagnosed me with ADHD. But this wasn’t seen as “good enough” for the third (a psych NP and PsyD) to fully diagnose me to prescribe me anything. I’m considered a “complicated case” because I was good at school growing up, have a trauma history, and have a history of depression, an eating disorder, and likely autism (also diagnosed by the same neurodivergence specialist, but that wasn’t good enough I guess to have it on my medical record). But here I am, having spent thousands at this point in copays, therapy for behavioral interventions, medications to treat other issues to “rule them out,” and various assessments. Thousands most people don’t have. Thousands that could be tens of thousands for the uninsured. And this most recent assessment? It involved a test that literally CANNOT differentiate between ADHD and other forms of cognitive and attention deficit, such as depression.

ADHD is a clinical diagnosis. I don’t mean that there is never a place for neuropsychology, but in the psychiatric world that my family is part of (note: dad is a psychiatrist; sister is in residency to soon be a board certified attending psychiatrist too), it’s not a hard diagnosis to make based on a structured clinical interview. (Even my therapist, the PhD, who has not just taught but been a DEAN, agrees- she is frustrated with me).

Why are we gatekeeping this diagnosis so heavily? Why is there such a strong assumption that people malinger to get an ADHD diagnosis and access to the scheduled drugs they need to participate in society? Why, when we have research that shows that ADHD is a huge risk factor for actual illicit drug use, abuse, and SUDs? You know what happens when you treat individuals who you clinically diagnose with ADHD? Rates of illicit drug use, drug abuse, and SUDs go down. Not up.

I’m just mad about it all.

[beomgyu-stan-present]

𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕚𝕤 𝕖𝕩𝕔𝕚𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘… - ℕ𝕚𝕜𝕚

𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤: 𝕟𝕚𝕜𝕚 𝕩 𝕗𝕖𝕞!𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣

𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕣𝕖: 𝕗𝕝𝕦𝕗𝕗

𝕨𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤: 𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕖

You were walking down the hallways to go to your locker, when you spotted your crush walking on the other side of the hallway. Your cheeks turned pink and a smile grew on your face as he passed you.

You opened your locker and picked up your phone (which was inside it) and looked at your notifications. 1 missed call, 4 new texts, 1 new DM on Instagram… wait what?

You looked at who sent it and the username was ‘.-Niki-.’ which meant that it was your crush. Guess what… it was!

You read the DM and it said:

Meet me at the back of the cafeteria at lunch sent at 8:40 am.

Wow… your crush wants to talk to you!

You grab your stuff from your locker and head to your next class, thinking about him on the way there.

After class, you make your way to the cafeteria and look at everyone until you see Niki, who is standing at the back of the room. You walk towards him with an exciting feeling rushing through your veins.

“Hi niki,” you begin, “why did you want to talk to me?”

He lifts his head up to look at you and sits down at a table. From instinct, you decide to sit down next to him.

“I was just wondering if you wanted to be my friend,” he says, “ I don’t have that many friends and you seem pretty chill.”

Your eyes widen. You didn’t expect this at all.

“Uh, sure! I’ll be your friend.” You reply.

You spend the rest of lunch talking with him and getting to know him, and he was getting to know you.

Fast forward 4 months…

You guys are now close friends who hang out everyday after school (if you can). Your feelings for him never went away, though. 

You kept on thinking that you should shoot your shot and today you were going to do it.

It was a free period so you thought now would be the perfect chance.

You went to go find him, but your heart sank. His arm was around one of the most popular girls in school. You went to turn around but Niki called out to you.

“Y/n! Come over here.”

You didn’t want to but you found yourself turning back around and walking towards him.

“Hi,” you say, trying to sound happy.

 “I wanna introduce you to my girlfriend.” he says with a smile. He was about to speak but you could feel tears coming so you excused yourself and ran outside. You sat underneath a tree and cried.

A few minutes later it started to rain but you didn’t move. You sat there, getting more wet overtime until you decided to go back inside and dry off. 

When you walked out of the girls bathroom after getting changed, you saw him (Niki) talking with his girlfriend with a serious and guilty face. A minute later, she ran off into the bathroom. You could hear her sobbing.

“Hey, Niki!” you called out to him, “what was that about?”

He sighed and sat down with his back flat against the lockers. “I broke up with her,” he replied.

“What? Why? How long have y’all been a couple? What did she even do?”

“She didn’t do anything, and we’ve only been a couple for a week. She was so obsessed with me and I started to realise that I like someone else.”

“Really? Who?”

“I don’t want to say,” he said, avoiding eye contact. “I won’t judge. Can I tell you who I like?”

Oops. You didn’t mean to say that last part.

“Sure, who is it?”

You felt nervous. Should I lie? you thought.

“Guess.” you say.

“I don’t want to guess though.” he complained.

“Fine. It’s you.” 

a/n: it's been so long since I posted something- I hope you enjoyed reading this!

[star-girl69]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIRL YOU GOT ME DOING BACK FLIPS ISTGD.

I'm literally fangirling soooooo hard rn you don't understaaaaaaanddddd. ❤️❤️❤️❤️I feel like I'm about to like explode or smthg like damn.

I can't say I will ever truly understand how you're feeling but I want you to know that how you feel is so so so so valid. I wish there was a way that I could reassure you that you are amazing, your work is out of this world and you have people who love you and appreciate you.

Literally when I see that you have posted something(notifications always on for you honey) I start smiling at my phone like an actual idiot omg its not even funny the way you could ask for anything and I would do it twice for good measure. I hope you know that we are patient and we will always have gratitude for the people who take the time to give us wonderful content. We are also understanding and I hope you don't feel pressured to be constantly producing. We can and we will wait always. You taking care of yourself should always be priority.

I believe in you. ❤️

- ❤️

(oop I didn't mean to get heavy but I always mean everything I say)

(Is that a challenge????? Honey prepare to be admired ferociously ❤️lightwork is talking about you cause all I have to do is look in my heart fr fr)

(I will always be here to talk ❤️❤️trust)

(virtual hug cause that's the only way I know how to comfort😭😭)

THAT WAS SO EMBARRASSING I THREW MY PHONE INTO MY FACE BY ACCIDENT AND HIT MY TOOTH BC I WAS SO EXCITED TO READ THIS WHAT THE HELL

anyways.

NOOOOOOO DONT EXPLODE 😔💔💔

oh my god. you seriously have me giggling and kicking my feet LIKEEE idk. i don’t know what to say I FEEL SO BAD but like i’m smiling so hard rn and just THANK YOU

no your words are MORE than enough this makes me so happy and makes me so excited to write more trust!!!

AWWWW HOW YOU HAVE NOTIFS ON IS SO SWEET I CANT

YOU BELIEVING IN ME MEANS SO MUCH I CANT EVEN ARTICULATE IT LIKE I WOULDNT KNOW WHERE TO START JUST AHHHHH 🤭🤭🤭

(NOOOOOO it’s ok you can get as heavy as you want LMAO)

(i’m gonna ignore this second parenthesis bc my reaction to it was embarrassing but i’ll give you a hint: blushing and screaming into my pillow and clutching my heart and blushing and kicking my feet and blushing more and did i mention blushing)

(tysm ily ❤️❤️)

(i LOVE HUGS and physical touch in general i feel 10x better)

(side note but i’m making a list of all the names you call me actually new one added to the list! honey i giggled. so bad. 🤭🤭)

[onlyswan]

OKAY RANT BUT you absolutely don't need to answer every single one of our asks (no shade to that anon tho) BUT you shouldn't feel guilty about clogging up our feed as well. I think most of us can agree that notifications from you can absolutely light up our day and we read everything like a morning newspaper while we sip our coffee.

.....I might be in love with you, art lmaoooosjkskskjskjskjs. if you reciprocate my love then I might come off anon ;) (not advocating for myself but I will buy you chocolates, plushies and all the pink things in the world) a while ago I was checking my phone during my class break and there was a tumblr notification saying "your tumblr crush onlyswan posted" or somethin like that and I was like TUMBLR! DON'T EXPOSE ME LIKE THAT!!!!

anonie you’re so sweet :( thank you so much for saying that it’s really comforting !! <3 although i don’t want you guys to feel like i’m pressured to answer them or anything because i genuinely loveloveloveeee doing it and interacting with you everyday is my favorite part of this blog aside from writing 💕💕💕 my face lights up whenever i see a lengthy notif hehe so thank you bcs i’m less worried about that now :") please never stop sending them in and i’ll get to them whenever i can 🥹

omg 🫣 okayyyy i love all those things i’m listeningggggg. do feel free to try and steal my heart before someone else does :P oop-

LMAOOOO UR SO ADORABLE ILL KISS U 😭 i get those type of notifs too and i’ve always wondered if i show up like that in yours. i’m 🥰🥰🥰

[aidtale-of]

Aidtale: Origins-Chapter 5

The same morning begins down in the Underground. Papyrus knocks on Sans’s door, calling to him.

“Sans? Sans, are you awake?”

No answer. Papyrus knocks until he’s sure Sans has woken.

“Sans!”

“What?” Sans grumbles, rolling over in bed, glancing at his clock and noting that it’s only 6 am.

“Sans, you have to get ready right now.”

“Why? It’s barely morning.”

“Because we have to be the first ones there. I heard from tv that some humans are nocturnal, so one probably fell at night. Plus, I’ve got some new puzzles I want to try out!”

Sans sits up in bed. “Alright, I’ll be out in a few.”

“Great!”

Footsteps recede from Sans’s door, followed by a door closing. Sans grabs his jacket, slips on his shoes then goes to head downstairs. He holds his foot out over the first stair, then teleports into the kitchen. He opens the fridge and pulls out a bottle of ketchup from his side, ignoring the sense of deja vu. He puts it in his pocket and goes to sit on his couch, but notices that the front door is slightly open, and there’s a stack of papers on the table. Dirt and snow have been tracked into the house by something. Sans grabs the papers and closes the door, thinking that this must be a note from Papyrus. Immediately, he realizes that this is not his brother’s handwriting. What’s more, the papers detail horrific events that are seemingly written as if they were memories, not guesses. Sans sits on the couch as he reads, not sure how these papers got here or who they were written by. But it must be someone who would know, right?

“What are you reading?” Papyrus sprinkles sprinkles on the pet rock.

“I think I just got a death threat.”

“What!? That’s absurd!! Who’s it from?”

“No clue.” Sans sets the papers on the couch. “But if their fighting’s as bad as their writing, I don’t think I have much to worry about.”

“Hmmm. Well, you should still be careful. Have you eaten?”

“Yep.”

“Great! Let’s go!”

They leave their home. As Sans goes to lock the door, Papyrus pats his non-existent pockets.

“Oops! I forgot something!” Papyrus runs back into the house, leaving Sans outside to wait.

…

It takes a while. Sans goes to check on him, but Papyrus does come back out, carrying a box of bones and quieter than usual.

“Let’s go.”

They walk through Snowdin with people saying their hellos as they go. Sans says hello back, but Papyrus is too lost in thought to respond. They make their way silently through the forest. As they walk, Sans notices that Papyrus isn’t as cheerful as he was earlier.

“Hey bro, you doin’ ok?”

“...Sans, can I ask you something?”

“Sure. Shoot.”

“..If..if you knew something bad was going to happen…would you do something about it?”

Sans looks at his brother, rattled. “What do you mean?”

“...If something, let’s say a human, were to arrive, and they turned out to be a…not so great person…would you try to help them?”

The snow crunches under their feet as Sans takes a moment to think. “Well, the way I see it, if this not-so-great human turns out to be a jerk, then it’s probably best not to get involved with them.”

“But what if the human just needs some help? Hypothetically, of course.”

“If they need help, then someone will help them.”

“Would you?”

“I don’t think I’m really qualified for that.”

“Of course you don’t.” They reach Sans’s sentry station. “Ok, well, don’t forget to-”

“Recalibrate my puzzles?”

“Yes! Exactly! We don’t need anything failing when the human arrives!” Papyrus starts to walk away.

“You mean if the human arrives?”

“That’s what I said!” Papyrus disappears down the path. Once he’s far enough away, Sans sits at his post, pulling a hot dog from underneath. As he eats, he gets a notification on his phone.

“You’ve seen that before.”

Sans looks down and sees Flowey at the base of his station. He continues, “It’s from Alphys. It’s about your timeline research. You don’t have to read that.”

Sans looks at the phone anyways. It is from Alphys.

“Huh, so you must be the one with the bad handwriting, though, I guess it would be hard to write without hands.” Sans scratches his head. “Funny, the papers mentioned something about a..code? I dunno. Couldn’t read it too well.”

Flowey’s face clouds. “I’m not saying that again. You already know what it is, so I shouldn’t have to! Besides, it’s stupid and dumb, kinda like you.”

“Maybe, but I wouldn’t know if you have the right one unless you said it. Could be fake, y’know.”

Flowey scowls at him. He gathers some snow into a ball. “...I’m a stupid doodoo butt.”

“HA-” The snowball is immediately thrown at Sans’s face, shutting him up. Sans wipes the snow off of his face as Flowey explains the plan.

“There’s an area, just before the color maze. That’s where we’ll attack.”

“An ambush, huh? That..sounds familiar, actually. If we tried that before, then maybe we should try something else this time.”

“It didn’t work because you weren’t trying.”

“Well, maybe I had a reason-”

“No! You had no reason! You knew exactly what was going on and still chose to do barely anything!” Flowey turns to leave. “You’d better actually try this time, or I’ll just have to take things into my own hands.” Flowey disappears into the snow. Sans’s phone gets another notification. He takes a look.

“Hey Sans, I need you to look at this.”

There’s a photo accompanied by some text.

“I was checking on some things regarding their research, and all of this just appeared out of nowhere.”

The picture is one of her computer screen. There are diverting lines going all over the place.

“ My theory is that there’s something powerful enough to simply stop time and restart everything.”

Sans texts back, “hmmm. that’s interesting”

He puts his phone away and takes a nap, waking up later to the sound of the door to the ruins closing. Sans takes a look, but can’t make out the person that just walked out, so he teleports closer. Taking a closer look, he sees it’s a human, just like Flowey said. Sans gives the same introduction and they go through the same old routine, telling the human to keep pretending to be one, then teleporting away. The day goes about as well as one could expect with trying to get a murderous child to participate in puzzles and japes. Eventually, Flowey pulls Sans aside.

“This part of the forest, this is our opportunity.”

“You sure this will work?”

“As long as you do what I say, it should.”

Snow crunches nearby, catching both of their attention. The human has arrived. Sans notices that they don’t seem particularly surprised, which is probably because this has happened at least once before. He suddenly gets a bad feeling about this entire situation, not from the human, but from Flowey. He takes a step away from him and turns to the human.

“Heya. Fancy seeing you here.” Sans takes a breath. “Look, it’s a nice day today, and you seem..about child age, so maybe, instead of doing what you’re doing, you could make some friends. Maybe get some ice cream, or just enjoy the view. The kids around here might want to include you in their games. Who knows, maybe you might even start to like puzzles.” Sans walks away, much to Flowey’s and the human’s confusion. Flowey follows him.

“Um, excuse me!? What the hell do you think you’re doing!?”

Sans doesn’t answer. Instead, he continues to walk. Flowey grabs Sans’s arm with a vine.

“HEY! What are you doing!?”

Sans pulls away, snapping the vine in half. “Quit it. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

“Yeah, of course you do. That human has-”

“I’m talking about you.” Sans stares down at Flowey, his eyes dark. “What exactly happened last time?”

. . .

Sans looks at his arm, the vine dangling off of it. He looks back at Flowey, who looks like he’s deliberately not mentioning something. Sans pulls the vine off, the thorns tearing his sleeve. “Actually, don’t bother.” He throws the vine to Flowey. “I don’t care anymore.” With that, Sans walks away, leaving Flowey, seething.

“Fine, I’ll just have to do everything myself.”

Sans takes a look back and barely manages to dodge a vine attack.

The vine reels back. “If you won’t help me take the human’s soul,” attacks ready around Flowey, “then I’ll use your LV to get it myself.”

Vines and bullets rise all around Flowey, gunning for Sans. Sans teleports and dodges where he can. Flowey grows in size as the fight goes on, his expression turning more and more deranged. Sans throws his own attacks at the flower. Blasters, bones, and bullets fill the air. The fight tears up terrain and throws snow everywhere. Sans tires, but tries not to slow down. But before he could prepare another attack, 

“Sans? Flowey?” From behind, Papyrus had stumbled onto the scene. Sans turns, letting his guard down for just a moment. Flowey uses this distraction to pin Sans by the throat into the snow. Attacks appear all around him. Flowey’s about to kill him when Papyrus steps in the way, blocking the attacks with bones.

“Papyrus, move.” Flowey’s voice is torn and distorted. 

“Why are you doing this to him? What happened?”

“None of your business, now gET OUTTA MY WAY!” Flowey shoves Papyrus away. He goes to attack, but Papyrus blocks again, stepping in the way. 

“STOP IT!”

“No! I’m sorry, Flowey, but I can’t let you do this! I don’t know what happened, but…” Papyrus’s voice trails off as he looks at something in the distance. Flowey looks, and is shocked to see the human standing there. So shocked, in fact, that he retracts all of his vines and attacks, shrinking back down to his original size.

“Chara! H-how long have you been there?”

The human stares blankly at the flower, furious. He’s doing it again. Taking what’s rightfully mine. Getting in my way. They pull on their tough gloves.

“H-hey hey hey wait! I-I didn’t mean what I was doing!” Flowey tries to reason with them while Papyrus helps pull the vines off of Sans. “It was all a trick! I was going to kill him with you!”

“Are you alright?” Papyrus pulls the last vine off of Sans.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” Sans groans.

“What’s going on here?”

Before Sans could answer, the sound of dust comes from near the human. The skeletons look over and see that, alarmingly, the human has easily managed to kill the flower. The human looks over at them, and Sans teleports him and his brother away. 

They end up in Snowdin town, somewhere among the trees. The two sit for a moment, shocked and silent.

“...That’s why they're covered in dust.” Papyrus takes the papers Sans left on the couch that morning out from his glove. “These papers were right. Flowey was right. Everyone’s going to die.”

Silence fills the air once more. Sans facepalms.

“Ah, shit. You weren’t supposed to see that.”

“Why?”

“Honestly,” Sans leans back into the snow, “Didn’t think it would matter. Thought that once everything was said and done, we wouldn’t even remember there being a human in the first place.”

“Why wouldn’t I remember a human in the Underground?”

Before Sans can answer his question, his phone rings. Alphys is calling. He looks at Papyrus, then answers the phone, walking a few feet away, still in the trees.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Sans? I-i was watching what was happening. Where did you two go?”

“We’re fine. We landed in Snowdin.”

As Sans talks on the phone, Papyrus hears a crunch in the snow. Taking a peek through the trees, he sees the human searching for monsters, then entering the librarby. He looks back to Sans, who is distracted talking to Alphys. Papyrus takes a deep breath, then goes to follow them. The human walks back out, turning to face Papyrus. 

“O-ok. Well, just m-make sure that you and Papyrus get out alright.”

“Don’t worry, we will.” Sans hangs up the phone. “Ok Pap, we’re…” Sans turns back to where Papyrus was, only to not find him there. He looks around before noticing his footprints in the snow. He follows the prints, then the sound of his brother’s voice, before finding him confronting the human. The human approaches rather quickly and reels back to throw a punch, but they are shoved backwards, as if gravity had shifted. Behind Papyrus stands Sans. The human gets up, making Sans realize that he doesn’t wanna take this fight, not now. He teleports him and Papyrus to the lab.

“You ok?”

Papyrus clutches his chest and slides down to the floor, his soul glowing lightly. “That..that was…I thought they..were going to…”

“..Yeah, well, maybe it’s best you don’t face the human alone. They’re stronger than we ever could’ve imagined.”

“Sans? Papyrus? Is that you?” Alphys calls out from the other side of the room.

“Yeah. Heya.”

“Hi..Alphys?”

Alphys waves shyly to Papyrus. “Hi.” She turns to Sans. “Are you two ok?”

Sans walks up to her. “Yeah. We’re fine. Whatcha up to?”

“I, uh..I came up with a plan.”

“K. What is it?”

“Uh, well, I-I called..well, I didn’t call her, Mettaton did, b-but we called Undyne a-and told her what’s going on. So she’s going to help evacuate Waterfall and maybe, hopefully stop the human.” Sans looks over to Papyrus, who appears lost in thought. “And if..if she…if she can’t..then-”

“Then you’re supposed to call Asgore and tell him to absorb the human souls.”

“Y-yeah. How did you know that?”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s not going to work. He won’t do it.”

“...Well, e-even if you think that, we..we have to have some sort of hope. Someone has to stop the human.”

“…Where will the escaped monsters go?”

“Well, we could take them to less populated areas, or harder to access places. I-if we really need to, we could take them to places that have already been affected, considering that it’s unlikely the human would look there again.”

“Alright. I’ll go move some monsters in Waterfall.”

Papyrus jumps up. “You’re going alone??”

“I’m not entirely alone. There are still monsters in Waterfall. That’s why I’m going.”

“No! You just said that I shouldn’t face the human alone. Why should you?”

“I’m not looking for the human. I’m not even going to be anywhere near them, so I’ll be fine.”

“You’re not going alone. That’s how people in movies die! I’ll go with you.”

“No.”

“You said it yourself! The human is strong and unstable!”

“I never said ‘unstable’.”

“That’s not the point, Sans! You shouldn’t go alone!”

“And you shouldn’t have to face them. You’re staying here, where you’ll be ok. I’m going to make sure that others are ok, then I’ll be right back. No one’s getting hurt.”

“Sans-” Sans teleports away before Papyrus can say anything in protest.

“Y-y’know,” Alphys says meekly from her computer, “It’s not so bad here. M-maybe you’ll like it.”

Papyrus sighs. “I just wish he would let me help sometimes.”

“Well, you do seem to have a habit of rushing into things, s-so maybe it probably would be better if you stayed here, at least for now.”

“I can’t just sit around and do nothing!”

“I’m sure you can figure out something. Who knows, maybe Mettaton might come by and-”

Papyrus perks up. “Mettaton comes here!?”

Meanwhile, in Waterfall, Sans is helping monsters leave, thinking to himself and avoiding the human when he sees them. 

Weird. Flowey knew everything that was going to happen, and he was still willing to kill us. Ah, I should’ve expected that, I guess. Like he’s ever done anything good for us. He does seem to like Papyrus, though. Maybe that’s why he told me? To potentially save him? …No. Then he woulda asked him, not me, for help. That plan was pretty scuffed. …Though, this kid is pretty determined. Nothing seems to stop them. Maybe Flowey was onto something with the whole “taking their soul for good” thing. Would never have trusted him with it, of course, but if someone doesn’t do it, won’t we just stay in this cycle? Am I willing to do it? Everything’s gonna reset either way. In that case, what’s the point of doing anything right now? Everyone that’s dead will just come back. Eh, dying right now still doesn’t sound like the nicest thing. Everyone that’s able to get out is lucky to never have to know what that feels like. Including Papyrus…huh. Actually, the one thing that didn’t give off deja vu today was when I saved him. Was that new? Am I doing something right? If that’s the case, would the human do something different too? That’s what they wanted, right? Something to change? Maybe they really are beyond help.

Sans is unable to find anyone else, so he heads back to the lab. He walks in and sees Alphys and Papyrus staring at the screen.

“Oh, Sans! Have you got everyone?”

“Got as many as I could.” Sans takes a look at the screen. Papyrus explains what’s going on.

“Undyne’s fighting the human. She got hit, but she bounced right back! I think she has a real shot at this!”

“Heh, maybe.” Sans takes a closer look at the screen. Something seems..off about Undyne. Like she’s melting, but slowly. Sans shakes his head and heads towards the elevator. “Welp, I’m going to check on…,” He looks at Papyrus, “..the downstairs.”

Alphys looks at him, confused. “What? The downstairs? W-what do you mean?”

“Y’know, the ones that always stick together? Them.”

“Ah, right.”

“Why do I have the horrible feeling you just told a pun?” Papyrus grumbles as Sans chuckles. He rides the elevator down to the true lab. Sans brings out some food for the amalgamates down there. He goes to buy a candy bar for himself, but there’s only one kind left. He gets it anyway when two of the amalgamates rush him for it. He throws it in the opposite direction and they chase after it. Sans sighs, then goes back to the elevator. He hears crying as he exits the elevator. Sans looks and sees Alphys sobbing with Mettaton comforting her. Looking at the computer screen, Sans can see dust mixed with a goopy substance that resembles the amalgamates. Monsters can produce determination?

“That’s Undyne. She…wasn’t strong enough.” Mettaton notices Sans staring at the screen. Turning around, Sans sees Papyrus, silently watching the screen in shock, streams of tears running down his face. A thought crosses his mind, so Sans flips through the camera feed. He finds what he was looking for. The human, approaching Hotland.

“We gotta get outta here.”

Alphys looks up, seeing the camera feed. She’s too shocked to react. Mettaton turns to her.

“I’ll distract them, darling. But you need to go.”

Sans turns to Mettaton. “You sure?”

“Alone?” Papyrus pipes up from behind.

“Yes, I’m sure. I may be the Underground’s best and only star,” he boasts, then turns to Alphys, “but you are their best and only Alphys,” he turns to Papyrus, “and I’m sure your brother needs you. Neither of you want to be caught by the human.” 

Sans looks back at the camera feed. “Uh, they’re getting close.” He turns to Alphys and Papyrus. “Are we going or not?”

“...Y-yeah. Let’s go.”

“Yes.”

“Alrighty then. PLACES PEOPLE!” Mettaton goes to the middle of the room as Sans, Alphys, and Papyrus head for the exit. Before they leave, Alphys turns to Mettaton. He gives her a thumbs up.

“Don’t worry Alphy. I’ll be fine.”

“Mettaton, I-”

The door on the other side opens. Sans teleports the three of them away. Mettaton watches the spot that they were, content, then turns to the human.

“Oh, there you are.”

The three of them land in one of Sans’s Hotland sentry stations. They take a seat, Sans sitting in his chair, Papyrus and Alphys sitting on the ground.

“I’m not stupid. I know I’ll never see him again. I failed him, just like I failed Undyne and everyone else!” She buries her head in her arms, sobbing. Sans leans back in his chair, sighing.

“Did you try?” Papyrus asks Alphys. She looks at him, confused.

“Y-yeah. Of course I tried. I tried as hard as I could.”

“Then it’s not your fault. After all, you’re not the one who…you’re not the one who killed everyone. And not everyone’s dead! Everyone in Hotland is alive so far, and all the people that evacuated. I..I know it’s awful, what the human is doing, but it does not mean that you failed. You are very great, and I’m sure that if you continue to try as you have, you can achieve great things, despite whatever setbacks come your way.”

Alphys wipes her tears and the three sit in silence for a moment.

“So..so what do we do now?”

Sans sighs, “Honestly, I’m not entirely sure. I think our best bet is to let Asgore do his thing with the human souls. See what he can do, if he will.”

“Right! Asgore! I was meant to call him about that!!” Alphys pulls out her phone and starts to call him.

Sans stands. “Cool. I’m gonna keep an eye on that human. Maybe help where I can.”

“Sans.” Sans turns to face Papyrus. “I think you already know what I’m about to say.”

Before Sans can say anything, Alphys pipes up. “He’s right. It would probably be better if you had some help to get people out faster. Plus, s-safety in numbers, y’know.”

Sans looks at Papyrus. “..Alright. Stay close though.”

“Absolutely!” Papyrus joins his brother’s side. Sans turns back to Alphys.

“You gonna be ok out here?”

“Y-yeah. There’s all s-sorts of secret routes back to the lab.”

“Ok. Be careful.”

“I will. Good luck.”

Sans teleports them away. Throughout Hotland and the Core, Sans and Papyrus watch the human slaughter monsters that haven’t evacuated yet, growing stronger and stronger. After a while, they see the human entering New Home. Sans takes out his phone and calls Alphys.

“Sans?”

“Hey, has Asgore done the thing yet?”

“No, he hasn’t. H-he won’t.”

“I told you he wouldn’t.”

“I-it’s not just that. He thinks he can talk to the human.”

Sans pinches the bridge of his nose. “Of course. Do you think you can convince him to do it?”

“I-I can’t! There’s not enough time!”

Sans looks at Papyrus, who appears a little lost in thought.

“I have an idea.” He hangs up. Sans approaches his brother, but before he could say what he wanted to…

“Sans, did you see the human being kind to anyone, even a little bit?”

Sans is a bit taken aback. “..No. The human doesn’t care about anyone.”

. . .

“Do you still want to help them?”

Papyrus sighs. “I’d very much like to, though, I’m afraid that they might not listen and try to attack me again.”

. . .

“I have an idea.” Sans teleports the two of them into the Judgement hall. 

“What are we doing here?”

“We’re, uh, gonna fight ‘em. If we’re lucky, we could get the human’s soul. And if not, well, we won’t even remember trying.”

“I don’t want to kill them! I know they’ve made some..morally incorrect decisions, but they are still capable of change! Everyone can be a good person, if they just try!”

“Look, Paps, I get that. Really. But some people just..need to be stopped. You read what Flowey wrote. The human’s done this hundreds of times, and they don’t seem to be stopping on their own anytime soon.”

“I..I just don’t know.”

Sans sighs. “It’s ok. You don’t have to fight if you don’t want to. When the human falls, their soul’s gonna be visible for a few moments. I just need you to grab it and absorb it.”

“What will happen when I do?”

“Well, hopefully, you should be able to reset everything and bring everyone back.”

“Even the human?”

“..Not sure. Maybe.”

Papyrus thinks for a moment. “Ok, I will. I’ll even try to fight, as long as I can bring everyone back.”

A sound at the end of the hall alerts the two to the human’s presence. As the human approached, Papyrus could feel a tingle crawling up his spine. Fear? Makes sense, but I should be fine. Right?

Sans steps ahead, causing the human to stop. “Heya. You’ve been busy, huh?”

The human doesn’t answer.

“Heheheh, of course you have. So, I’ve got a question for you….why? Why have you seemingly returned here again and again, only to kill us all over? Do you really hate us that much?”

The human takes a step forward. Sans sighs.

“Well, it seems like this is the end, so let’s get this over with.” Sans turns to Papyrus. “You ready?” Papyrus nods. Sans turns back to the human and they start to fight. To Papyrus’s surprise, Sans is much better at this than he ever could’ve imagined. Once the initial shock has passed, Papyrus starts to help Sans in the fight. Eventually, the human does die, their soul lingering. Papyrus goes to grab it, but it disappears much faster than he expected.

“Ah, don’t worry. We’ll try again next time.”

A sound at the end of the hall alerts the two to the human’s presence.

Next---https://www.tumblr.com/ask-aidtale/723938291639025664/aidtale-origins-chapter-6?source=share

Previous---https://www.tumblr.com/ask-aidtale/723938110179803136/aidtale-origins-chapter-4?source=share

[cheesec4kee]

snap out of it ⸺ VS¹ ୨୧

crying to max about your boyfriend who had recently treated you like shit and break up with you, max deems he’s much a better boyfriend than he is— and he’s more than willing to make you snap out of it.

[ warnings ! ] : smut, fem reader, p in v, unprotected sex (don’t try this at home), google translated dutch, verrry poorly written smut oops

[ a/n ] : originally wanted to do this w Charles but thought it might be time to try n write for more drivers :3 was very rushed so the plot is maybe a little wanky since I lost track of it aswell, I also was experimenting w my vocabulary so might be a little weird but regardless I hope you guys like this, came out longer than planned but oh well (reblogs very much appreciated !)

⸺ smut under the cut

the shrill chime of a notification pierced through the silence, jolting Max from his peaceful night. he unlocked his phone, his heart racing at the message you sent him that flashed across the screen. without a second thought or doubt at all, Max threw on his coat and bolted through the door of his house, fumbling with his car keys.

as he sped through the dimly lit streets, his mind races. he knows what had happened without you having to tell him, but he still wonders on what that so called ‘boyfriend’ could have done now. he recalls this very well, when he'd rush to your apartment at some nights, comforting you, doing anything to get you out of your own head.

the bond the two of you had could almost be unbreakbale, and max couldn't bear the thought of you in pain.

the rain-sliced roads reflected the glow of the streetlights, casting a eerie ambiance over the city. every minute for him felt like an enternity, amplifying max's anxiety. he doesn't know why he's so worried, he knows what had happened— so why does his heart still pound in his chest whenever you message him to come over because of an 'emergency'?

as max's car screeched to a halt outside of your familiar apartment, a sense of urgency propelled him out of his car and up the stairs of your apartment building, going up the stairs as fast as he possibly could bring himself to, standing in front of your apartment door.

5 seconds was how long it took him for him to reach into his pocket and fumble with the extra keys you provided for him and to open the door, entering the dimly lit apartment- the only light source being the tv source in the living room of your apartment.

when he found out that you fell in love (or near enough), he was happy for you— but he was disappointed that he couldnt get you in time, that he couldnt tell the truth of his true feelings for you.

he always wanted to claim you as his, to be able to bring you to his races, but he wasnt sure of your feelings for him. he didn't want to weird you out and ruin the bond the two of you had, but oh the things he'd do if you were his.

the apartment was dead quiet when he arrived, but he could hear you quietly sobbing in your room (considering the walls of you apartment were concerningly thin), and he could feel his heart ache. it pained him knowing that you were dating such an asshole, you deserve to be with someone better.

someone better like him.

he almost thought you were hypnotized, because how could you be so blind? it was painfully obvious that he was no good for you. oh how desperately he wants to grab both your shoulders and shake, just for you to snap out of it.

he stares at the door of your bedroom, hearing the faint sobs and sniffles, and it pained him to even think about it.

he knocks quietly on the door of your bedroom, before taking a peep inside— seeing you sat the floor beside your bed, your tears ruining your make up, mascara running down your cheeks.

"oh— liefde," he sighs at the sight, entering your room and closing the door behind him. his heart sinks as he kneels infront of you and cup your cheeks, wiping away your tears.

"what'd that asshole do this time?" he caresses your cheek with his thumb, wiping away the mascara staining your cheeks.

he doesn’t even need to know what happened, noticing your make up— he could tell what your ‘boyfriend’ did already. he almost scoffs at the thought, finding it unbelievable.

but that was his lost, then.

though max knew your ‘boyfriend’ would be bad for you, he said nothing— because either way, he was just a friend in your eyes, maybe a fuck buddy too, but he knew he had no right to ‘look out for you’ if he was just a friend.

he didn’t want for you to think of him as ‘controlling’ or ‘possessive’, especially if he doesn’t claim you. yet.

"don't call him that," you sniffle, wiping your tears.

"oh come on," he scoffs, rolling his eyes and giving your cheeks a light squeeze.

"that name suits him perfectly." he frowns a little seeing you shake your head in disagreement. he seriously couldn't see what's so special about your 'boyfriend', especially after what he did. he can treat you better, anyways.

so much better.

"what's so good about him, anyways?" he leans back, his hands leaving your cheeks as he moves to sit beside you. you lean on his shoulder, sniffling quietly.

this wasn't the first time this has happened, whether it would be with your boyfriend, or another man. knowing that you somehow always attracted red flags, he's very familiar with the relationship you have with your so called 'boyfriend' after you’ve invited him over to rant to him (and to get you out of your head).

watching you struggle to come up with a response he sighs, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and pulling you closer.

"It's either settling down with him or giving him up for someone better." he utters quietly, turning his head to face you and pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead.

"you need to leave him and forget about him," he utters, grabbing your hand and squeezing it reassuringly, his thumb carresing your knuckles gently.

"i cant," you sighed shakily, biting your bottom lip and shaking your head. the silence stretches between you two as he caresses your knuckles, Max glancing at you as you get lost in your own thoughts.

not being able to take the silence anymore, he breaks the silence— interlocking his fingers with yours, giving it another gentle squeeze.

"how about I make you forget about him? yeah?" he coos, the corners of his lips tugging into a soft smile (which had a way more sinister meaning behind them), watching as you nod. he wipes your tear stained cheeks, pressing another gentle kiss on your forehead.

he knows what you need, he knows the only thing that makes you feel much better and get you out of your head.

and he’s more than willing to provide that for you.

max himself knows what and how it happened. one moment you were bawling your eyes out, and in one blink of an eye he has his cock plunging inside of your cunt, hitting all of the spots you never even knew existed inside of you. your were practically being split open.

"fuck, liefde, so fuckin' tight." he groans, holding your hips in place to keep you from squirming. your whines and moans were music to his ears, and oh how bad he felt for your neighbors for missing out.

"feels so good, s-shit.." you breathed out, hands gripping onto the sheets tightly, your knuckles turning white, seeing him smirk despite your blurry vision.

"yeah? your 'boyfriend' could never do this." he hums against your neck, feeling your walls tighten around his cock at his words, the lewd noises of skin slapping filling the room. "can he get you like this? desperate and dripping for dick?"

you shake your head frantically because it's not like it wasn't true, it is true. because your 'boyfriend' couldnt, not like Max can. you knew that you could never find someone who could fuck you as good as Max did.

his hips snapped against yours while his cock drilled inside your cunt so easily, filling you to the brim with his length as you mewled.

"shit, 'm gonna fuck you so hard you forget about that asshole." he groans, feeling your walls tighten around his cock at his words, he grins, “yeah? you want me to? you want me to fuck you till you forget about him?”

“y-” you babbled, “yes, please— oh, god!”

his grin only grows wider, his grip on your hips tightening as he picks up the pace. "gonna claim this cunt," he huffs, pressing a hand on your stomach, feeling the small outlining of his cock.

"will be all mine. all, fucking, mine." you could feel your eyes threatening to roll back, tears streaming down your cheeks from pleasure. "not his, or anyone else's," he breathes out.

he couldn't deny that he enjoyed seeing you like this. he couldn't deny the fact that he was happy when he realized that your boyfriend broke up with you, opening a seat for him to easily claim.

"all yours, max— shit!" you mewl, feeling the knot in your stomach tightening with each thrust, your vision growing hazy. you gripped the sheets tighter, babbling incoherent words that you yourself, or max could understand.

"oh— ‘m close, fuck fuck fuck—!" you moaned, feeling the knot in your stomach increasingly grow tighter and tighter.

"then cum f'me, shatje, wanna feel you cum around on m'cock," he huffs, leaning down and trailing sloppy kisses down your neck, "fucking cum."

and, well, you knew you couldn't deny him. if you were even the slightest bit good at denying max, you definitely wouldnt be in this position, his cock drilling deep inside of you. and so you arch your back, moaning loudly, savouring the white specs forming in your vision that only max seems to manage bring out of it.

you could feel max's thrusts grow sloppier and slower, and with how tight he was gripping your hips, you were certain they'd leave marks.

he fucks you through your orgasm, the liquid forming a ring around his cock. he chases after his own high, rolling his hips against yours, his breath hitching.

and with one final thrust, he fills you up to the brim— breathing heavily as he pulls out. his eyes look down at your hole, his cum oozing and dripping onto the sheets you lay on, admiring his masterpiece.

your chest heaves up and down, vision hazy as you came down from your high. he runs a hand through his hair, some strands of his hair sticking to his forehead due to the sweat.

"just know that this isn't it for tonight,"

"because I'm not done until you forget everything about him, and have only my name engraved in that pretty little head of yours."