#i don’t blame him if this is his choice of coping mechanism but it’s hilarious

[moondal514]

Gu Mang, once he gets his memories back, being unable to talk to Mo Xi without mentioning how beautiful he thinks he is every other sentence sends me

[zachsreaderinserts]

sleepy boys inc x gn!teen! reader headcannons

trying something new! i like bbs and all, but i wanted to write for other youtubers! lemme know if yall wanna see more content like this lol.

this takes place in a minecraft au!!! also, mentions of bad parenting/abusive parents

wc: 2,319

okay the sleepy boys

chaos incarnated, all of them. you can’t deny it

so, when tommy invites a friend from a local village, at first, everyone else is skeptical. since when has tommy made a friend who didn’t hate him within 20 minutes from all the screaming and insults he spewed?

unlike his friends, phil is more excited than anything. though he isn’t tommy’s dad, he feels like it sometimes, so he really wants to meet this new person who has caught the youngest’s attention

techno is very much not on board. he has a hard time trusting people at first glance and having been friends with tommy for the longest, he knows that tommy readily jumps the gun and attempts to befriend literally anything just because he can

and wilbur? indifferent for the most part. yes, he feels the need to make sure tommy is protected and cared for, but he also recognizes that this situation is out of his hands. the best he can do is hope that their friend isn’t an absolute asshole

so, it’s saturday. all three men are sitting on the couch in phil’s cottage, talking amongst themselves as they wait for tommy to come back. techno makes a joke about murdering them, which leads to phil scolding him about his violent tendencies

“you haven’t even met them yet, techno, what the fuck.”

wilbur is simply adding fuel to the fire, making little remarks here and there and watching the whole thing escalate to phil lecturing the piglin hybrid.

because of this, not one of them had noticed that tommy returned, with his newest friend. they both stopped at the sight of phil in dad mode, tommy considering just turning around and taking his friend as far away as physically possible

too late, since techno’s sixth sense made him whip around and stare at the newcomer. this made phil stop lecturing and wilbur quit giggling long enough for tommy to introduce his friend

after saying their name, the friend lifted their hand shyly, face burning from slight embarrassment. their other hand was latched onto tommy’s, feeling intimidated.

can you blame them? the fucking blood god looks like they wanna skewer them and cook them over a campfire.

tommy took notice of their shyness and cleared his throat, “we were planning on going to the carnival in their village if you three assholes feel like tagging along.”

like there was any way they were gonna let tommy and his friend go out without chaperones.

tommy turned back to his friend, “give me a second, i’m gonna go grab my sword just in case.” and proceeded to run up the stairs and towards the guest bedroom in phil’s house that he claimed.

the millisecond he was out of earshot, techno grabbed his friend by the front of the shirt.

“what are your intentions with tommy?”

the friend blinked once, twice, then bit back a smile. “you’re asking that as if i’m about to date that motherfucker.”

this time, it was wilbur who bit back a grin of his own. who would’ve expected the originally shy kid to have replied like that????

techno’s brain short circuited and his grip on their shirt loosened slightly. did.... did this kid just brush off his question???

“can you put me down? you’re gonna stretch my shirt.”

techno’s brain blinked back into focus and he gripped the kid’s shirt harder, shoving them against the nearest wall. “i asked a question, kid.”

“you know, tommy told me something like this would happen. i’m glad i came prepared.” and then, tommy’s friend sucked in a deep breath. techno leaned back, expecting the worst...

“MWISTER TECHNWOBWADE, PWEASE PUT MWE DOWN BEFWORE I SCWEAM”

oh god, this was far worse than anything he thought of.

he dropped the teen out of disgust more than anything, reeling backwards. if there was one thing that haunted his dreams, it was uwu-speak.

phil started howling of laughter, clutching his stomach and hunching over. originally he was going to stop techno from threatening a literal child but this outcome was so much better than anything he was anticipating

wilbur was no better, already tearing up from how hard he was snickering. he started choking on his own spit at one point, smacking his arm against the couch.

tommy was so fucking confused when he came back down the stairs, seeing the mayhem that was, for once, not caused by him. he glanced at his friend, who had the world’s biggest shiteating grin.

yeah, they were gonna fit in just fine.

and they did! phil took them under his wing (both physically and metaphorically) and allowed them to come visit his home whenever they wished. and whenever they did, phil was the first to ask how they’ve been and what they were up to

to phil’s surprise, the kid was overall calm in their choice of activities. things like playing soccer or drawing or figuring out how to learn instruments in their free time. it seemed like they were desperate to get their hands on anything and everything just to learn

he found it funny, though, when their chaotic side shone through. they easily were on tommy’s level when they got into that headspace and it was so hilarious to him.

his favorite memory of the kid was when they walked into the house and marched right up to where techno was reading idly in the corner. planting their hands on their hips, they spoke.

“if you were to fuck a clone of yourself, would it be masturbation or would you be considered gay?”

phil, who was washing the dishes six feet away from them, just about crumbled into a ball on the floor from how hard he was laughing and sobbing.

of all questions, that was the one that came out.

but he had no idea that the chaos was a coping mechanism. he just thought they were naturally like that in their free time.

he soon found out the truth when they came home with tommy, who was cursing up a fit, visibly angry. his friend was slumped over, as if trying to hide themselves from the world

when phil asked what had happened, tommy exploded.

“their fucking dad took all their money from their savings! said he needed it more than them and when they asked for it back, he called them a fucking disappointment! that fucking bitch--”

phil can count very few times when he felt true anger and he can confirm that when tommy had told him what had gone down, he saw red.

but he knew better than to outwardly show it. judging by how hunched over and defeated the kid was, what they needed was a stable support system

so he walked over and shut tommy up with a hand on his shoulder, “why don’t we take the rest of the night to build up that game room you wanted in the basement. i’m sure if we knock it out before techno and wil are supposed to be back, we can all play something like monopoly.”

seeing where phil was headed, tommy nodded and brushed away his anger. he knew that what his friend needed was a serious cheering up. tommy ran towards his guest bedroom, claiming that he was going to find his blocks.

phil crouched in front of the teen, tilting their head up to look him in the eyes. “you’re not a disappointment. you’re an amazing person with a chaotic joke machine going 120 kilos over the speed limit in your head and you are talented. your dad doesn’t know shit about what you’re capable of doing.”

oh boy, the kid’s crying. those are tears, full on tears.

that night was one of the best nights of their life, however. they enjoyed the entire three hour long game of monopoly where they watched the light leave everyone’s eyes. it was funny when wilbur lunged across the table when he landed on a railroad, out for phil’s blood.

speaking of wilbur, he enjoyed every minute in the kid’s presence. they often asked creative and random questions and went along with the abstract jokes he made, the two of them laughing heartily the entire time.

when the kid first mentioned wanting to learn how to play the guitar, he practically burst through the wall of the room next door, breathing heavily and exaggeratedly.

“did someone say guitar”

yeah, he’s feral. that’s canon.

they proceeded to spend the entire day in phil’s garden, each of them equipped with a guitar. despite their outwardly smooth brain and stupid demeanor, the teen was a fast learner and could play the most basic chords by the time the sun was setting.

wilbur’s favorite moment was the first night they met, when they went to the carnival. there was the game where you shoot the water and fill up the balloons and the kid was going head to head against techno and tommy.

it was when techno won that the teen turned to techno with murder in their eyes and spoke in a deadpan tone of voice,

“you’re lucky you won this time, you gentrified mayo monkey.”

wilbur’s jaw dropped, as did techno and phil’s. tommy was already in hysterics, smacking his hand against the counter that held the guns.

needless to say, wilbur found his favorite, not-quite sibling in a heartbeat.

techno was the last to come around with the child. can you blame him? every time he tried to threaten them or had beaten them at something, they would respond in a cryptic threat--

“i’m going to pee your pants if you don’t let me win”

or just brushed him off. without a second thought.

“anyways, i was murdering a chicken the other day, and the fucker had the audacity to ribbit at me.”

to say he was confused was an understatement. he was terrified of the fact that a literal child held so much power and disinterest in things like their own life. so for the first few months, he avoided them.

but he had seen past that when it was around midnight on a weekday. tommy was hanging out with tubbo and ranboo in their village miles away from the area. wilbur was out drinking with schlatt, niki, and fundy, and phil was already asleep.

techno wasn’t too far behind, sitting in front of the fireplace and staring out of the window that showed the front yard. it was only then when he saw the flash of a familiar face and looked closer as the teen walked up to the house quietly. their head was down and they carried a small bag with them.

techno opened the front door with a long creak as they reached the porch steps. it was only when they jumped and looked up in surprise that techno had noticed a deep bruise on their left cheek in the moonlight.

despite the fact that he kept away from them, techno was very protective and territorial of tommy, phil, and wilbur. and since they were attached to the teen, he became protective of them as well.

so all the voices in his head went quiet for a second. before exploding into a mixture of screams and threats, all leading back to protecting the child in front of him.

without thinking, he reached forward and cupped their face for a better view of the bruise. at the warm and soft touch, tears slipped down the kid’s cheeks and they sniffed pathetically.

the voices quickly took a 180, all screaming to take care of them. make them feel better. so, techno led the kid inside and let them spend the night in his room, with them falling asleep on the bed and him falling asleep on the rocking chair in his room.

phil did not hesitate to officially declare himself as the teen’s official father, saying that their biological father was a “little bitch”

now somewhat living with the teen, techno found an appreciation for their quieter moments, when they were reading or simply daydreaming. it was cute, in his eyes. but he also grew to enjoy when they were absolutely feral, especially toward tommy.

his favorite moment with them was when they had gifted tommy a music disc for his birthday. it was sweet and sentimental and tommy just about burst into tears when he saw it.

all of the sappiness quickly vanished when tommy put it into a jukebox.

“FUCK THIS PUSSY, BOY, FUCK. FUCK IT RIGHT, BOY--”

tommy had let out the most terrified scream and it practically engrained itself into techno’s brain. it was the first time he ever laughed at something the teen had done and the teen felt proud of themselves.

and finally, tommy. he was already happy to call himself a friend of the teen’s. they were like peas in a pod, working together.

tommy came to them when his insecurity felt heavy and they came to him whenever their dad’s words got to them. they had a nice system of dependency on one another and neither of them would trade it for the world.

tommy’s favorite moment of being friends with them was during their first birthday living in phil’s house. it was a birthday befitting their personality, with brightly color streamers hung and confetti all over the floor. he knew that they enjoyed it severely and once the cake was cut, the kid turned to phil.

“phil, where’s the big tiddy strippers i requested?”

tommy was GONE

he all but choked on his slice of cake and walked away, shaking his head while trying to stifle his giggles. but when he heard phil’s scream of “WHAT”, he just lost it.

all in all, his friend had made a fine part of the sleepy boys. they were a happy face in an otherwise somewhat bleak and dangerous world. and all four men appreciated it.

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb part 6.1

🎶 Back on the bullshit I never got off🎶

Is this another unnecessary story arc?? With three sections??

Yes.

Wushanju Crew Chat

Wang Meng: You know, I’m someone who appreciates consistency in my day. My life is pleasant, very few issues indeed if you ignore the big ones. And yet. Yet here we are. With unresolved messes at the end of a day.

Wang Pangzi: SOMETHIN YOU NEED TO SAY MARY POPPINS

Wang Meng: We need to talk about Huo Daofu and the glittery bead curtain.

Wang Pangzi: MY FAVE TEEN WIZARD SERIES

Wu Xie: did you turn on that suggested word thingy lol

What glittery bead curtain

Wang Meng: I closed the shop at 6:00pm this evening on the dot. I locked all of the doors in and out of the shop very carefully, especially in light of recent events. The hall leading to the back office was empty. I filed the day’s paperwork, updated and sent emails, and then spent an extra hour organizing receipts and dusting. When I came back out, there were glittery iridescent bead curtains over the front entrance to the shop.

What could this mean?

Wu Xie: uh that you need to spend less time at work?

Wang Pangzi: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ONE FOR THE DETECTIVES. THE MYSTERY OF THE BEDAZZLED THRESHOLD COMMENCES

Wu Xie: I think we can be relatively secure in thinking a glittery bead curtain isn’t a hostile threat

Wang Pangzi: SAYS YOU

I REMEMBER YE OLDE EXPLORATION TIMES HOW FAST THINGS GOT FURIOUS

BEANBAG CHAIRS SET AFLAME AND LEFT ON DOORSTEPS AS A WARNING

GLITTERBOMBS FOR DAYS

PANIC AT THE DISCO

Wang Meng: Ugh, forget it. I should have just taken them down, regardless of who they belong to.

Zhang Qiling: They are not mine.

Wang Pangzi: A BOLD STATEMENT COMING FROM OUR PRIME SUSPECT

SOMEONE QUICK GO DRAW CHALK AROUND THE DOORWAY TO MARK THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

Wang Meng: Do we know anyone who *would* sneak in and put those up? For whatever reason, legal or not? Even as a joke?

Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHETHER WE KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CHAOTIC, AN OUTLAW, A PRANKSTER AND/OR SNEAKS INTO PLACES

BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN OUR SUSPECT LIST IS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE KNOW EXCEPT FOR YOU.

Wu Xie: okay let’s think about this; for starters, I didn’t break into my own shop

Wang Meng: You would be in danger of doing some work in the process, that’s true.

Wang Pangzi: LOL

Wu Xie: ANYWAY let’s keep going. For example, Xiao Ge would only break in somewhere for a good reason. Xiao Ge, did you do this?

Zhang Qiling: No.

Wu Xie: okay who’s next

Wang Pangzi: YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN INTERROGATION TIANZHEN

REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO HIM

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE;)

Zhang Qiling: How can we be certain *you* didn’t do it?

Wang Meng: Admittedly that was my guess, too.

Wang Pangzi: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS

BLAME PANGZI AS USUAL

ANYWAY HOW DOES HUO DAOFU FIT INTO THIS

Wu Xie: Oh yeah him! Oops I got distracted

Wang Pangzi: UR ENTIRE HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL

Wu Xie: Ugh fuck off

Wang Meng what abt Huo Daofu??

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wu Xie: oh sorry xiaoge I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have spent much time around him last year

He and I go way back

Zhang Qiling: Way back where?

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS BUYING YOUR INNOCENT ACT

IF YOU EVER TURN TO EVIL WE ARE FUCKED

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO HUO DAOFU IS

YOU WERE EXTREMELY POLITE AND BORDERLINE FRIENDLY TOWARDS HIM

Zhang Qiling: I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to be sure he understands he has a place here. A specific place.

Wang Pangzi: FOR A SILENT GUY YOU ARE A MASTER AT SUBTLE POWER PLAYS IM ALL TINGLY

LMAO THE IDEA OF WU XIE LEAVING YOU FOR HUO DAOFU IS HILARIOUS AND ALSO NOPE

Zhang Qiling: Rationally, I understand that.

Main Chat

Wang Meng: Huo Daofu is coming for the weekend—didn’t Wu Xie tell you? Wu Xie asked me to check in a week ahead so we could start getting ready for his arrival

Wu Xie: oh yeah I did do that

Wang Meng: Fortunately I know you and so I already went ahead and took care of everything.

Re: the trip

He made a deal with Wu Xie’s doctor that he would do periodic checkups on him here at Wushanju

Bc Wu Xie hates being in the hospital

And frankly the hospital hates him too

Wang Pangzi: FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT LOL

I FORGOT HUO DAOFU WAS DOING THAT

A VERY CHIVALROUS GESTURE

WOULDNT YOU SAY

XIOAGE

Zhang Qiling: Is it safe for him to be here with a criminal loose on the premises?

Wu Xie: Right, back to the curtain! Let’s focus on the curtain, hmm?

Wang Pangzi: I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND.

ALSO WE CAN RULE OUT XIAO BAI FOR THE CURTAIN SHE JUST SENT A SELFIE FROM NORWAY COVERED IN GREEN SLIME WITH ZERO CONTEXT, UR PROTEGE INDEED

Wu Xie: okay but who else would do something so oddly charming yet illegal and—wait.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: hey, Glasses hasn’t been in touch lately right?

Li Cu: uh nope

Unless u count the outdated memes

Why, is money or Xie Yuchen missing

Or is this curtain related, I saw Wang Meng’s tweet

Wu Xie: haha no nothing to worry about really

(I mean maybe? but who knows)

Wang Meng is probably just getting a little paranoid in his old age

Li Cu: better than getting reckless and stupid as hell in ur old age

Wu Xie: …hey:(

Unknown Number: Li Cu, we discussed this.

Wu Xie: ????????

Li Cu: *sigh* fine, reckless and stupid as heck

Unknown Number: …close enough.

Wu Xie: EXCUSE who is that

Madame, Sir, Non-Binary Tree Spirit, etc—whomst the fuck

Are you

Li Cu is underage FYI

So Im staying on this chat

Li Cu: okay first of all, it’s not like that

Second of all I’m literally not underage I s2g

u threw the embarrassing surprise bday party, okay so u should remember

And C, that’s my counselor and I invited her. She wanted to meet u and I knew u wouldn’t agree to a visit so I added her to our chat

we have been discussing u

Wu Xie: Oh wow!!!!!!!

What a surprise:)

hi so nice to meet you:)

Main Chat:

Wu Xie: RED FUCKING ALERT

FUCK THE CURTAIN FUCK THE VISIT

IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO FAMILY THERAPY BY A SMUG TEENAGER WHO TEXTS UNKNOWN NUMBERS

Wang Meng: I assume that means something to someone here?

Not my problem? Good.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHA GOD I LOVE LI CU

HES LIKE ADORABLE KARMA FOR ALL THE SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH

IM RAISING HIS ALLOWANCE

Wu Xie: wait i give him an allowance

has he been collecting on two allowances??

Zhang Qiling: Three. I knew about both of yours.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: so uh may I ask your name?

Unknown Number: you can call me Ms. Lee.

Now, if you’re comfortable talking in this format, why don’t you tell me how things have been going?

Wu Xie: oh everything is normal and fine and safe as usual, why do you ask:)

Li Cu: I heard about ur necklace thing. nice of you to NOT mention it.

another dangerous adventure. again. prick.

Ur lucky your cool boyfriend cares about you so much or you’d have already died like ten years ago

Wu Xie: lol try twenty years ago

Li Cu: That isn’t funny.

Unknown Number: …What?

Wu Xie: shit ur right, okay that was a bit glib, my apologies.

…I use humor as a coping mechanism?

Unknown Number: and Li Cu, how do you feel about that?

Li Cu: he doesn’t even know what that phrase means

He doesn’t cope, like ever

In fact

It’s kind of why we met

Which is a funny story in retrospect tbh

Wu Xie: haha what are you talking about sweetie hahaha need I remind you of certain anecdotes that could idk send me to jail maybe lmao

Unknown Number: …You know, perhaps an in-person meeting might be more effective?

Wu Xie: haha such a nice idea but why

Main Chat

Wu Xie: If I go to jail, I’ll have to create alliances for protection, right, that’s how it works on tv

Who do we know who spends time in jail

Other than Hei Yangjing, he’s only ever there for like 12 hours and i suspect he just gets himself arrested bc he enjoys the breaking out process

Also how’s the curtain case coming along

Zhang Qiling: Has someone threatened you?

Wu Xie: well not yet but soon I’m sure

Wang Pangzi: WHERE WAS THIS PARANOIA WHEN WE GOT TAKEN TO THE TEA HOUSE HUH

Snake Eyes Minus Your Fucking Therapist Chat

Li Cu: okay how tf did u pull off spy and undercover shit

u are sus as hell

Wu Xie: damn son is it pick on Wu Xie night

I missed the flyers or I would’ve invited my uncles

Also re: the curtain it’s been mostly solved

Li Cu: I’m not your son, idiot.

Wu Xie: …oh. Sorry, sorry, you’re right, bad choice of words, haha

Forget i said anything

Delete this chat even

Li Cu: shit I meant

Legally, biologically, I meant—

shit

…I turn into an asshole as a coping mechanism?

Wu Xie: oh that’s all okay! I have to go do something else now let me know if you need anything okay kid thanks!

Li Cu: goddamn it calm down who’s the kid here

lemme organize my thoughts so I can articulate my emotions fuckin healthily or w/e

Ugh maybe for like one afternoon we could go to Ms. Lee together? She knows how to word stuff

Wu Xie: uh…okay.

Li Cu: Anyway you don’t need to worry abt jail

As if you would survive prison for one day you’d piss off half the place in like an hour or less

I gave Ms. Lee the heavily edited version of the desert highway to hell roadtrip and i discussed it more in terms of like “nightmarish but still wouldn’t take any of it back”

Well maybe the sand

that shit was everywhere

Wu Xie: oh kiddo. It’s fine, really…You don’t have to explain yourself to me.

Li Cu: no, no it’s just

I do technically have a dad

who is an asshole. Being a son doesn’t really mean shit to me bc it sucked.

So you need to stop backing down just cuz ur guilty abt stuff. I’m really really glad ur not my dad in a good way. Do u get what I mean there

Where’s the mafia widower I followed into hell, huh

Wu Xie: Ur a good kid, despite my influence. I’m really glad you have someone to talk to after everything I…after everything. Wow this talking through feelings thing is kind of weird but nice ur right

Jfc no wonder it took me and xiaoge so long to—you know what, we won’t get into that

Li Cu: ew tmi

Also re: this week’s recent necklace fuckery

I moved my stuff here, I live here now

So you can’t die anymore

Or else…Idk I don’t have a threat planned

anyways abt the curtain

Wu Xie: oh my god, kid…kid you have no idea

I am in tears.

Li Cu: see this is why I can’t be nice to you I can sense the hallmark channel from here

Ugh don’t be sad in ur room that’s dumb

Go hug Pangzi or something

Maybe delete this chat

Or the curtain thing

Focus on the curtain thing

Just stfu and go away

Wu Xie: <3 screenshotting this <3

Li Cu: I take back everything I said. This is why Xiao Ge sleeps on the roof. I hope the ghosts of the Wangs put up that curtain to strangle you somehow. Go die in a stupid way, it’ll suit you.

Wu Xie: lol don’t worry I’m not gonna embarrass you with it or anything

Main Chat

Wu Xie: omg guys look how cute my kid is *sending screenshot*

Wang Pangzi: I MEAN

HE IS WISHING YOU DEATH

BUT SURE

CUTE I GUESS

Wu Xie: no but read the whole thing:):):)

Zhang Qiling: It is indeed very hard to remain angry with you. And you are welcome to join me on the roof.

Wang Pangzi: UH NOPE

NOT WHENI HAD TO BLEACH THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN

DONT TRAUMATIZE THE EARLY BIRDS THEYRE ALREADY FREAKED OUT BY U YA HOODIE CRYPTID

Wu Xie: ok true but babe ur like a sexy cryptid

Wang Meng: so, are we just accepting that there is a glittery curtain of unknown origin, and Huo Daofu is going to have to see it while he’s waiting for you at Wushanju bc you’re going to family therapy?

Wu Xie: right

Wang Pangzi: SHOULDA TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT HUH

Wang Meng: I’m going to go dust something.

Unnamed Chat:

Unknown number: so the curtain…

Unknown number 2: yep, not my best work but I kinda panicked last minute u know

Unknown number: what is in the water at Wushanju that makes everyone dumb and attractive

Unknown number 2: relax they’ll figure it out

[shit-mcu-stans-write]

submission from anon: essay on rhodey

my apologies that this is so long. i had a lot more to say than i realised and this… just kind of happened.

so… lieutenant colonel james “jim” rupert “rhodey” rhodes… i have a lot of feelings about him and his character development and for once… i actually like what i see from the mcu. i love what the mcu has completely unintentionally done for him and i find it absolutely hilarious because i know it’s 100% unintentional, because they’d never purposefully make rhodey’s character development so anti-tony-stark. but that’s what we’ve been presented with. and i love it. hear me out:

in iron man 1 rhodey starts as tony’s babysitter. rhodey says so himself: “you don’t respect yourself so I know you don’t respect me - i’m just your babysitter” but despite the fact he knows tony doesn’t respect him, he’s still there for tony, still supporting him, still showing him as much love as he can no matter how little tony gives back. he puts it down the the fact tony doesn’t respect himself; he’s reckless and childish and doesn’t take responsibility for his actions. rhodey might be being sarcastic and snarky when he’s saying “when you need your diaper changed let me know and I’ll get you a bottle” but there’s some truth to it: he can’t help but mother-hen tony, because someone has to be responsible for the kid (he sure as hell can’t be responsible for himself!), and rhodey has put himself in that position.

i think a lot of that’s to do with the fact they both met really young in mit, with rhodey being a couple (?) years older than tony at the time. they stuck together because they were both in the unique position of being child prodigies, but because rhodey was the older of the two i think he quickly settled into a caregiving role. but by iron man 1, rhodey has emotionally matured, and tony hasn’t. he hasn’t needed to, being a white billionaire boy and all. so rhodey still sees tony as this kid he’s always been there for, always protecting, always giving and giving and giving to, and putting up with. they’ve been friends for so long that he’s used to it.

by iron man 2, rhodey is fed up. tony is being even more reckless than usual because he’s dying but no one knows, so rhodey is being pushed to his breaking point. there’s a deleted scene where rhodey says something which i feel says everything you need about what their relationship has become by now: “hanging out with you is bad for our friendship”. rhodey is starting to realise just how impossible being an actual friend - not just a yes-man and support staff - for tony is. and all that culminates in the fight scene where, upon seeing tony drunk and endangering his party guests in a WMD supersuit, rhodey reaches that breaking point. protects tony from himself one last time by fighting him, then cuts ties.

only, by the end of iron man 2, rhodey learns that taking the suit to the military and letting hammer get his paws on it was a bad idea, and that tony was literally near death the whole time he was being a dick, and then they have to team up to defeat vanko together. so despite having gone through all the shit tony’s put him through and realising how terrible a friend tony actually is, he chalks this all up to a mistake and a misunderstanding on his part. gives tony a second (or, more realistically, hundredth) chance. which is why in iron man 3 they’re best buds again. im3 is probably the healthiest depiction of their relationship tbh, and that’s on im3 tony being the least assholeish depiction of tony in the whole mcu (imo).

but tony’s character begins to sour massively from AOU onwards (not saying he wasn’t an… abrasive character beforehand, to say the least, but clearly all the guilt from causing ultron and inadvertently causing the mess in sokovia is affecting him and his relationships; pepper, another caregiving character that has put up with tony’s entitled, misogynistic bullshit for years, has left him, and i think that’s a massive sign that he’s spiralling in a similar way he did in im2. after all, the writers refuse to develop him as a character, which means he’ll never get help for his mental health and never learn healthy coping mechanisms. i honestly wonder what happened for pepper to leave - we’ve seen the breaking point for rhodey, so what was hers?)

so yeah, anyway, tony is starting to spiral again from AOU. civil war happens - he blames the team and latches onto the accords as a way to absolve himself of the guilt, bla bla bla, you know the plot. and, just like the others, rhodey is given mere days to read, consider, and sign this life-changing document; not only is his best friend vehemently, vocally, and violently in favour these documents, they’re also coming from a position of power that he, as a military man, respects. so it makes sense he’d initially be on the side of the accords.

and then something even more life-changing than the accords happens for rhodey. sam accidentally shoots him down and he injures his legs so bad that he can’t walk without support. and rhodey’s response to that? i know we don’t get to see much of rhodey’s response and recovery, which is a travesty, but what we do get? really sheds some light on the kind of man rhodey is, and how he develops as a person by the end of endgame. 

for once in his life, rhodey is in the position of needing to be cared for - and on top of that, tony is the one offering. we also see that rhodey wants his recovery to be something he does alone as much as he possibly can, because that’s just the kind of person he is; we see the sheer amount of value he places on his ability to handle things on his own, and the skyrocket-high responsibility he holds himself to. and now all of a sudden tony’s actually trying to reciprocate the attention and care he’s shown him without reward for years (and only because of this guilt spiral he’s been on since AOU)… and that must have been fucking jarring for rhodey.

i think the sudden and strange role reversal probably helped him work out a few things about his relationship with tony a lot. which is why, when infinity war rolls around, they don’t interact. rhodey seems closer to and more in alignment with the “rogues”/“nomads” than tony. where once he agreed with the accords, he’s had some time to actually read them and reconsider them, and he’s against them now! he hates ross and greets steve with a warm hug!

and something i love so fucking much about infinity war (dispite all it’s other faults)? sam and rhodey’s relationship. sam shot rhodey down and disabled him for the rest of his life. and rhodey forgives him. first of all, because that’s the kind of person rhodey is (he’s had plenty of practice forgiving all kinds of shit with tony), and rhodey understands it was a mistake (and probably empathises with how horrible it must have been for sam; he’s military too, he understands that specific kind of guilt). interesting to compare rhodey’s response to the mistake with tony’s. and heartwarming to see that, for once, when rhodey forgives someone for what they’ve done, he is given gratitude and a genuine two-way friendship in response. i live for sam and rhodey’s every interaction in iw.

and then we get to endgame. know how many times rhodey interacts with tony in endgame? twice. first interaction: “okay, you made your point - just sit down, okay?” (read: “stop acting like a child before you hurt yourself”). second interaction: *sadly touches his face as he realises he’s dying before moving aside to let peter and pepper say their goodbyes*. what i love about these interactions - and the lack of any other interactions - is what it clearly means for rhodey:

1) tony still means a lot to rhodey. he’ll always mean a lot to him. they were best friends since they were literally just kids at mit. he’ll always, i think, love tony and want to care for and protect him (from himself, mainly). and tony, in his own way, will always love rhodey. but, 2) rhodey has still, nevertheless, cut ties with tony. i think the time away from action caused by the long recovery process he would’ve went through not only let rhodey reconsider his stance on the accords and his superiors in the military such as ross, but it also gave him time (and a wildly new perspective) to realise how toxic his relationship with tony truly is.

and what’s great to compare the way in which and reasons why he cuts ties with tony after civil war compared to the way in which and reasons why he cut ties with tony during im2, is that rhodey hasn’t been pushed to his breaking point this time. he has way more agency in his choice this time. he’s not leaving because he’s been infuriated one time too many; he’s doing it because he’s actually being given the kind of support he himself has been dishing out all these years… and doesn’t want it. not if it’s coming from the place of convenience and guilt that it is with tony. he cannot be guilt-tripped into forgiving tony anymore because he is making his choice this time with clear-mindedness.

and you know what’s so great about him finally genuinely cutting ties with tony this time around? he’s no longer his yes-man. he gets space to breathe as his own character. he jokes around more. he’s not annoyed all the time. he gets involved with the rest of the team. as i’ve said, he interacts with sam and it’s beautiful. he interacts with nebula and it’s heartwarming and they form a bond so quickly. and in all the new interactions he gets you see he is receiving so much more respect and reciprocation than he’s ever experienced with tony. and it makes me so happy.

also i can’t help but think about how it’s also a pretty big deal for him as a black character to go through all of these revelations and developments; black kids are often encouraged/forced to mature mentally/emotionally a lot quicker than white kits, and take on responsibility that shouldn’t be their burden to bear from a young age (which i think was absolutely something rhodey experienced as a highly intelligent black child), and it’s not uncommon for black characters to be portrayed in these caregiving roles to Hurt White Characters. so for him to break out of that box is just beautiful.

tony, on the other hand, is a white billionaire who never learned how to grow up; he’s never had to handle the kind of daily-grind stress that non-billionaire poc like rhodey have handled since they were a kid. not saying tony hasn’t faced other kinds of stress, but for the most part? everything has been given to him on a shiny golden platter. so when responsibility is thrust upon him - when his faults are actually pointed out - he doesn’t know how to handle it. hasn’t learned. it destroys his mental health. he gets destructive in turn. irreparably damages his relationships. spirals and spirals and refuses. to get. help. (you’re a billionaire, tony - you can afford a therapy. and the idealisation/romanticisation of unhealthy guilt spirals and a mindset of powering through despite everything and without asking for help until you crash and burn is not good mental illness/neurodivergent rep, it’s just the only one the mcu knows how to write.) i despair at the loss of opportunity when it comes to tony’s character and what he could have come to represent, but that’s another essay entirely.

when it comes to rhodey, however, the mcu have accidentally created a wonderful character and a wonderful character arc. that’s not to say they deserve any praise though, because this was likely never their intention and it’s purely accidental (again, they’d never purposefully give rhodey such an anti-tony character arc, just like they’d never intentionally make tony a bad role model, but that’s what they did, completely accidentally).

not only is rhodey a character who is unwaveringly kind and forgiving (and is rewarded for these traits later down the line in his new relationships), but we also get to see him learn how his kindness and forgiveness shouldn’t be taken for granted as it has been for years of his life. we see him step away from harmful relationships. we see him take back his life for himself - refuse to be someone else’s nanny. we see his growth and his development, and it’s wonderful, and i love him.

in conclusion: war machine rox. 

[chanbangblog]

ive only felt religion when ive lied with you- 1

A/N: (smut, Chan x reader, Canon compliant, fan/idol)

The sun peeped in at you through the small slit in the curtains. Your eyes fluttered open and then closed again. You laid there in a beautiful mix of sleep and awake when suddenly you realized you were late for work. You sat up and became perplexed at your surroundings, this was definitely not your room.

Wait, where am I… you started to wonder.

You looked over to see Robyn lying next to you, still asleep looking quite peaceful and hugging her Chimmy plushie. Then you realized you weren’t at home, and this wasn’t just any day, this was the day you were going to meet Stray Kids.

Your heart began to speed up at your sudden realization. You looked around the room and empty cans of hard cider littered the bedside table. Last night’s pad Thai was sitting on the dresser, probably harboring god knows how many bacteria after sitting out at room temperature all night. You felt a tinge of nausea at the thought of it, or any food for that matter.

Oh god. Am I going to be able to eat today? I have to eat, I’ll never be able to stand in line and make it through the concert if I don’t eat. Let alone have the strength to survive MEETING THEM at hi-touch.

You pushed your hair behind your ears, closed your eyes and focused on your breathing.

Not today, anxiety. It’s too early for this bullshit.

Your therapist had taught you to talk to your anxiety like it was a person. Speaking of him, God bless that man for listening to you over the past several months preparing for this day. You had drilled him for an endless amount of coping mechanisms in order make sure that you, quite literally, didn’t faint when you met the nine boys who seemingly occupied your every thought.

You rolled out of bed as cautiously as you could, so you didn’t wake Robyn. You walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Your hair was stuck to the side of your head and you had sleep still in the corners of your eyes. You decided to take a shower and think about what to have for breakfast.

The hot water beat into your skin and steam began to fill the bathroom. You inhaled deeply. Trying to focus on the present and not psych yourself out about the night ahead.

You’re just giving them a high five. Hundreds of fans will get to do the same. They definitely won’t remember you, you’ll blend in with the millions of other girls who are desperately in love with them.

 This thought calms you for a moment. Being rational in situations of stress wasn’t particularly your strong suit, so you were happy with this little victory.

When you got out of the shower you checked your phone. You had several notifications from Instagram from realstraykids. Hyunjin was posting selfies and talking about being excited for the concert tonight. Swiping through the pictures he took with other members, Chris got your attention. His hair was a golden blonde and was starting to grow so long, it looked like a borderline mullet with the way it was styled.

“Chris with a mullet steals my soul!!!!” you commented on the picture and then put your phone away.

You walked back into the room and Robyn was awake. You took one look at her and burst into the most high pitched squeal you could manage.

Well. Being calm was nice while it lasted.

“Good god, y/n. Are you gonna be like this all day?” Robyn asked, already looking done with your shit.

 Robyn didn’t originally stan Stray Kids. You introduced them to her after you got the tickets. You had been to kpop concerts with her in the past so she seemed like the obvious choice to go with you. You had invited Robyn over a couple months ago and had a “hard intro to Stray Kids” Youtube watching session. Which had included videos like “stray kids on crack” and “a super shitty and unhelpful guide to stray kids.” She eventually chose two biases, Minho and Jisung. When she had told you later that night you were overjoyed because you had predicted who she would bias.

“NO WAY!!!!” you had screeched, “I texted my friend earlier and predicted you would bias them! Just so I could show you when I was right!”

What could you say, you love Robyn, but she has a certain type that always wrecks her. Pretty baby faces and strong vocals. You couldn’t blame her though, they were both an excellent choice.

You snapped back to the present.

“Uh no. I’m calm, I just, uh… yeah I’m gonna be like this all day.” You confessed.

Thank God I have a friend brave enough to put up with me.

The morning went by faster than you thought it would. You all ordered breakfast and spent the morning watching Jinyoung’s new kdrama. You wanted to get to the venue early-ish because even though you had good tickets, you were still GA and didn’t want to be shoved completely to the back of your section.

 You had spent months picking the perfect outfit that you would feel confident in to meet them. It was May so you weren’t sure about the weather, but you decided to bank on it being hot outside. You chose a sleeveless shirt that was metallic gold, with a bow that tied around the front and buttoned down. You had also chosen a skort set that looked like a black mini-skirt but actually had shorts underneath and low-top combat boots to complete the look. You curled your hair and tried to give it as much volume as possible. Not that it would matter, you knew it would be matted to your head with sweat by the end of the concert. But hey, you gotta look good for the pics for the ‘gram, right?

 You arrived at the venue and was baking outside under the morning sun, it was sweltering, you didn’t expect this for May. Your skin was baking under the late spring sun. You definitely had a sunburn and had only been in line for an hour.

Why on Earth did I wear a tank top...I’m not gonna be able to raise my arm to high five them without the smell knocking them down!

Suddenly an image of Jeongin falling backward at the smell of your body odor made you laugh out loud. You could see the headlines now, “kpop fangirl’s body odor causes singer to faint.” I mean, it would be hilarious, mortifying, but hilarious.

The concert was a blur, as always. You sang along to all the words you knew and your voice felt hoarse towards the end. You couldn’t believe how close you were to them. The venue was much smaller than you had anticipated. The light was shining off of them and their sweat made them glisten. You were so close you could see their muscles rippling under their denim when they danced.

Felix began talking to the fans about how much he loves us and wants to keep performing well for us. Felix and Changbin are my biases so I was completely engulfed in his cute Aussie accent being spoken 40 feet from me. It was almost too much. The members were fanned out across the stage while he talked and Chris drifted over to the side I was on. The girls and boys around me went wild trying to speak to him but he probably couldn’t hear them.

Rude. My baby Felix is having a moment and y’all are acting like idiots trying to talk over him.

Robyn elbowed me hard in the rib.

“Y/n,” she breathed, “Chris is staring in our direction.”

 You looked over and locked eyes with him. You froze. You always thought you knew what you would do if you came face to face with one of your idols. But you were wrong. You didn’t feel the way you had predicted at all. You thought your knees would buckle. You thought you would scream or perhaps cry. But you didn’t. You couldn’t describe the feeling that came over you under his gaze. You couldn’t describe it other than feeling totally confident and empowered for the first time in a long time. You realized you needed to react before he looked away so you winked and attempted to look sexy. Then he raised an eyebrow at you, kept your gaze and went back to get in line for the next song.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT! WHY DID I WINK? WHO DOES THAT OH MY GOD.

You were going though it inside and Robyn could tell.

“Um, what was that?? Girl, you just had an interaction with him!” Robyn whispered in your ear.

 You looked around and none of the concert-goers around you seemed to notice. No one was looking at you. You began to wonder if you imagined it. Your cheeks were burning a fiery red and your stomach felt like it was being assaulted with a swarm of butterflies.

How am I going to face him at hi-touch after that?? God y/n you were supposed to try to blend in.

You told your inner voice to fuck off, just like your therapist had taught you. But the rest of the concert, you couldn’t keep your eyes off Chris.

   You were standing in line for hi-touch and your knees were buckling. You felt like your entire body was on edge and your insides were being electrocuted.

“You’re going to pass out if you keep holding your breath, y/n.” Robyn quietly reminded you. You suddenly realized you had been holding your breath.

“How did I get here? Maybe we should just run.”  You said in a panicked voice.

Robyn looked you up and down like you had just spoken another language.

“Y/n, we’re not being marched to our deaths, we’re meeting this band that you have been obsessing over for months! Get it together! Breathe!” Robyn said while starting to shake you.

She’s right. What the hell is wrong with you. You paid so much money for these tickets and your bank account is still recovering. You’re doing this.

The line was starting to move faster than you would like. You got closer and closer to where you knew the boys were standing. You saw them in the distance and suddenly realized how tall they were in real life. You should’ve anticipated this since you already knew you were shorter than the shortest member.

They’re just people. They’re just boys. You talk to boys all the time.

You started to calm down. Until you locked eyes with Chris in the distance.

What was it about his gaze that made you take on a totally different attitude and mindset? Five seconds earlier you were contemplating running again. Now it felt like all of Earth’s gravity was holding you here in this one spot, like this was the only place you were ever supposed to be at this moment in time. You felt confident under his gaze, you felt bold.

You’re still not sure what possessed you, but you broke the gaze to start searching through your purse. You found a receipt and quickly ripped a small piece of the end. The line was moving and you were forced to walk while ransacking your purse. You finally found a pen. You tried to be as nonchalant as you could so you didn’t attract attention from other fans.

As sneakily as you could, you quickly scribbled: Kakao y/n0325.

Good god, why did I put their debut date in my name on there…I’m such a psycho. That’s so embarrassing.

But you didn’t have time to ponder on that because it was almost your turn. You didn’t have a plan. You didn’t know how you were going to get this to him without being noticed, but you did know that it felt right and you wanted to do it. Chris was the last member in the lineup.

 Woojin was first. You had already planned out what you were going to say to each of them. You got up to him and his chocolate brown hair was gleaming in the fluorescence. Your hands met and you felt your mind go blank, he was smiling at you as you grappled with your words in your head.

“YOUR VOICE IS LIKE HONEY,” you blurted out, half-yelling at the poor man.

He just laughed and said thank you as you moved on.

Minho was looking at you smiling with his hand up. You didn’t struggle as long with finding words this time.

“I’m so proud of you, I love you to death,” You said as you passed by.

He laughed and said thank you in the cutest accent you’ve ever heard.

Changbin was next. Your bias, which made your thoughts become even more erratic than they had been before. You just started smiling uncontrollably and said “Hiiiiii, I love you Changbinnie” and he looked back at you fondly and said he loved you too.

You were face to face with Hyunjin before you realized it and my, was he good looking, it was like an angel was literally standing in front of you.

“You’re even cuter in person,” you said as fast as you could while touching hands with him. He just laughed and nodded in response.

You couldn’t think of anything else, your mind was at overload when you met Felix, Jisung, Jeongin and Seungmin. So you just told them you loved them as fast and as many times as you could.

When you got to Chris, you finally looked up at him and felt a shiver rip through your core. Your heart felt like it had dropped into your stomach. You felt like you were in an elevator that was falling down with reckless abandon. You raised your right hand up to give him a high five. Your hand was empty. But at the last second you switched and raised your left hand up as quickly as you could and the piece of paper was between your hands. You moved your hand slightly so he could feel it and finally spoke.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you, but this just isn’t long enough.” You said with all the confidence you could muster.

His eyes sparked as he realized what you were doing. He moved his hand and quickly closed it and put it in his pocket.

“Oh yes, I agree,” he said, very coolly with that unmistakable smile that he always shows the world. The smile that you had become so fond of over the last several months. The smile that gave fans hope all around the world and now, at this moment, he was smiling because of you.

  For the second time that night, Robyn looked at you in disbelief as you rounded the corner in the hall way exiting the venue.

“Y/n, you’re the smoothest human alive,” she said with a shocked expression on her face.

You suddenly busted into cackling laughter. It overwhelmed you and wracked your body. Bubbling up from your core. You couldn’t control it. You’re sure you were unnerving everyone near you with your maniacal laughter. Everyone knows, nothing comes good after maniacal laughter. You laughed until your abdominal muscles ached, and tears were spilling down your cheeks.

“That was the best time of my life,” you said in between bouts of laughter.

Robyn started laughing too and you two called a cab to head back to your hotel.

 You tried not to dwell on your interaction with Chris. He had been nice and a bit flirty, but he was like that with all Stays. You had watched countless youtube compilations of your idols flirting with fans. It was normal. It was nothing special. That’s what you told yourself when you arrived back in your hotel room and your heart was still fluttering in your chest, refusing to return to its normal pace.

Hey, I’m going at my own pace, Chris would at least be proud of that.

You suddenly started laughing again at your own thoughts and told Robyn you were getting in the shower. She was probably very thankful for this, after the events of the day and the copious amounts of sweat you had shed. You turned on your slow kpop playlist and once again let the steam fill up the room while the water beat down on you. You put your head up against the tile wall of the shower and let the water envelop you.

 I had an interaction with Chris. Fans have interactions with their idols all the time at concerts. He was very charismatic, you already knew that. Stop overthinking it and just be happy you made these memories with them, y/n.

Your heart rate began to slow and you focused on the water and the steady hum the shower made. Tomorrow you and Robyn were going into the city and it was going to be a good day. You were going to have a good day with your friend and recount concert memories. Life was good.

You stepped out of the shower and grabbed your phone to turn off the playlist. Butterfly by BTS was playing and you were about to sing along for a few words when you checked your notifications.

You had a few comments on your Instagram posts but your eyes glazed over when you saw what was next.

A notification from Kakao, a notification from none other than Christopher Bang himself.

[saras-almanac]

So I finally watched yesterday’s episode in full and boy is it annoying. This week literally gave my whiplash with Robert and Aaron and in a way that didn’t really work or make that much sense. Now I had a hell of a day yesterday and still dealing with that, but I have a lot of thoughts about this episode of Emmerdale. I know there’s a bunch of opinions and I’m just whispering into the void at this point, but I don’t care. 

Those choose to read, read at your own risk folks. 

First of all, I do totally understand that what’s happening with Robert and Aaron is a writing issue. I fully believe that because they feel very stilted and it doesn’t feel like “them” right now. That being said, this is still what we have to work with. And I just do not understand Aaron right now. And I’m getting really annoyed that he’s taking the moral high ground and dictating everything while Robert has to keep asking for forgiveness. 

Remember back when they had that fight when Liv was in prison? She gave him some home truths about how he makes everything about himself and that people don’t feel like they can tell him stuff because he might not be able to handle it? And then they went home and Aaron lashed out at Robert over it. Robert said then, “We can’t keep using the past as a weapon. And we’re meant to be different now.” 

I just don’t feel like Aaron’s really gotten that yet. Yes, he’s completely accepted Seb and loves him, but he’s still ready to blame Robert for everything and not talk about his feelings. It’s annoying. It’s annoying that for years we’ve had Robert constantly apologizing and working at evolving, but it just doesn’t ever feel like it’s enough. This idea that they keep throwing at Robert lately about how he’s just wanting to play God again and that he’s just interested in the win is just... not fucking true? Yes, he’s being manipulative and scamming Graham--but honestly, does anybody care about him at all?--but it’s not to play God. It’s all literally for Aaron, for their family. 

The Billy situation. Maybe I’m being too understanding because I too can be manipulative and controlling, but literally all Robert did was lie to Ellis. Everything that happened was because of the build up of tension between Billy and Ellis--and honestly, Robert did Ellis a favor. He can get out of Marlon’s house and away from his mother who has finally done what he always expected her to, choose Billy. (Side bar: I love Ellis and I wish him every happiness) And all that lying was done for Aaron. Because Aaron didn’t want to leave the house and wasn’t talking about what he was feeling or what he wanted. All we’ve seen him say was that he wanted Robert to come up with some way to get rid of Billy and then that he doesn’t really want to risk running into Billy. Every time Robert tried to talk to him more about it, Aaron shut down. 

Again, that’s Aaron’s choice, but it’s not a healthy coping mechanism. And it literally goes away everything they promised each other when they got back together--they keep talking about everything and work through things together. If it’s an issue of Aaron wanting to feel strong enough to do it himself, that’s great. But we haven’t seen that--we’ve really seen next-to-nothing about Aaron’s POV in all of this so we can’t do much more than infer and everyone’s interpretation is going to be different here. 

So Aaron got more angry at Robert that he lied to Ellis than when he “attacked” Billy. (Sorry, it’s just too hilarious to think about. I have to believe it was someone else or that Robert hired someone because... I just can’t.) Seriously. Again, Aaron’s allowed to be upset and frustrated, but like... his response is to tell his husband to literally butt out. That’s... that’s not how you’re supposed to do relationships? Yes, you’re allowed to want alone time and not have to do everything with your partner, but you also can’t really shut them out like that. Especially since Aaron keeps giving Robert a hard time about how he hasn’t changed--Aaron hasn’t either in this regard and I really want the show to start addressing it. 

Which brings me to today’s/yesterday’s episode. I’m just so tired. I was tired of this fucking dynamic back in 2016. And guess what? I’m still fucking tired of it. Especially because this specific situation is vastly different from every other one. 

Namely... Aaron knew about it the whole fucking time? So I don’t understand where he’s getting off now being angry that Robert’s scheming. Robert literally told him, if at any point you’re not comfortable or don’t want me to do this I’ll stop. Robert literally gave Aaron all the power here and kept him up-to-date with everything. This was a plan to get back what was theirs--and don’t get me started and that bullshit that was Aaron being angry that Robert sold his business shares to save Aaron’s fucking life because that is an insult I cannot let go of. Again, Robert did all of this for Aaron and with Aaron’s consent and approval. 

And maybe this is just the writing of the issue. The way that Robert was like this was all for you because I know how badly you wanted a baby was uncomfortable. I mean, it’s true based on canon, but like I wished it hadn’t been written that way. But since we have to take it at face value, I guess this really was just so Aaron could have a baby. 

I am just... exhausted of this dynamic of Aaron wanting something done and then getting angry at the way Robert goes about doing something and then Robert has to apologize and then rinse and repeat. Just once I want Robert to be able to voice something in response and not just passively take the reprimand. Or at least, in these currently situations, point out the fact that Aaron’s not talking to him or sharing anything him. I just want it to feel balanced like it was early last year and I just don’t want this to become the new normal. 

I wish this wasn’t so negative towards Aaron but I am just so frustrated with the canon right now. I know that Robert’s done some shady shit, but like... this is literally peanuts in comparison to the shit he’s done in the past. And again, it was all for Aaron and Aaron knew about the biggest thing. I don’t appreciate the way Aaron threw back at Robert the line about how all Robert cared about was the win and that Robert wasn’t even given the courtesy of a chance to response. Like if Aaron wanted to be angry and yell at Robert because he’s hurt or scared or heartbroken, I totally get that and that’s his right to feel whatever he’s feeling. But then allow Robert a chance to respond. Not to bring up the fight they had while Liv was in prison, but after Aaron called Seb a stupid mistake and how Robert’s always making them, Robert said, “I can’t believe you just said that.” 

Even something as simple as that line balanced the dynamic a bit. And that’s what these outbursts lack:  balance. It’s upsetting and annoying and lazy writing. 

[restorerjourney]

Week 7: FREEDOM WEEK

May 25, 2021

This past week was probably one of my most favorite week other than the first week which was hearing the voice of God.

Sam Chang was our speaker this week who is one of the leaders here overseeing the discipleship training schools here in YWAM Kona. He was gifted in wisdom, hilarious, and a great story-teller. His style of leading lecture was a bit unusual at first because it would predominantly be him opening up the floor to anyone who had any question about anything. I see it now as an opportunity that God used through Sam to allow us to ask questions because we weren’t given that opportunity as much from any of the other lecturers. It also was a great opportunity for our team to gauge how we all were doing spiritually. For example one of our team members during our lecture break shared that she felt like she couldn’t breathe and asked what could be done. Sam asked if anyone else was feeling this way and many of our team members surprisingly were feeling depressed and spiritual down in the morning. He then lead us on a time of spiritual warfare by having us all stand up and repeat after him in declarative prayer. We did multiple sessions of declarative spiritual warfare prayer and as elementary it sounds, it was LIBERATING. There is power when you we declare it out in faith and hearing our own voice casting out lies and reinstating God’s truth of who we are in Him. 

For example “Heavenly Father! I repent of believing any lies of the enemies! He is a liar and a destroyer and I no longer will believe his lies! Enemy! Get out! You have no place here! I repent of believing that the shame that has had a grip over me! I repent believing that I am no worthy to be loved and I have to fight for your affection! I am a beloved daughter of God whom you have loved and died for! I am worthy of love! You love me the same and you will never let me go! God I cast out those enemies in Jesus name and I ask that you cover me in the blood of Christ! In Jesus name! Amen!”

It reminds me when we are standing and shouting this war cry, how desperate and alert we need to be to fight the enemy and his tactics! This is something that I am thankful to be able to take home with me and share with anyone else who struggles with freedom. Also I tried my best to record the lectures (except the first week) so if anyone is interested please let me know!

Here are some key points from this past week’s lecture:

-God’s love doesn’t change. The perfect love of God is always showering over us. There are filters in our lives that actually prevents from receiving the love of God. These strongholds are patterns of thinking, the agreements we made, that determine our reality. Some calls them “word curses”, “inner vowels” “accusations”, ultimately it’s when we make agreement with anything that is not true.What you think of yourself and the lies are powerful strongholds. When we get hurt, we build a wall. The inner vows..i will never to vulnerable again. I’m never going to get hurt. The funny thing about walls is you can’t decide who goes in and out. The places you put walls in your heart keeps everyone out including God. You are vulnerable to all or to no one. You face depression, anxiety, and suicide..you are developing a suicidal wall where you are dying on the inside. The importance of us in breaking strongholds, is that not only our relationship with God will be restored but all around us. We as Christians need to process our pain and yet choose to forgive.

- Roots of rejections: Absence father and mother, Lack of bonding with our parents, Divorce, Not being wanted as a child, Being blamed for our parents ,Abuse, Parent’s addiction,Shame of a family member, Constant fighting or strife, Unjust discipline, Mistreating, Addiction,Not happy with your own experience, infidelity of a spouse, loss of value or employment, Betrayal by close friend, Unexpected death of loved one, spiritual hurt or betrayal in the church

- Fruits of rejection ( emotional response)Nervous, Talking over people, fear of being not heard, Inability to rest without activity,I am inpatient of my personal growth and the growth of others, Pursuing comfort, Lust ,Procrastination, I delay taking responsibility and discipline,I live for weekend or for sport, Social awkwardness, I gravitate towards those who are shy, I communicate with others in guarded terms,I replay what I could have said, Inability to accept self,  I am hard on myself and my looks, I am discouraged by my personal failures, I am not able to receive God’s love, I downplay or boast my ability, I am unable to truly experience other’s victory, I am jealous and envy desirable qualities of others, I am extremely hard on myself, I become angry of past rejections and blame myself, Critical attitude towards others, I don’t fully trust others, I immediately skeptical of new people, they have to prove myself, Isolation, I’m not a people person,  I feel better off alone, I often say “ if only I had __” I would be “___”, I think if I try harder, people will approve me, Self pity, I feel I am not loved by anyone, not God, Everyone is disappointed, even God, I feel I can’t get it together, Defensiveness, I see correction as an attack, I react harshly with correction, Numbness, I’m unable to have emotion, I give up on area of personal holiness,  Drugs, drinking, sexual relations

-Areas we can recognize rejection in our life: I receive what others say to me with a lens of rejection, I find it difficult to really use my spiritual gifts, I find it difficult to accept praise and encouragement freely from others, I tend to be skeptical and unbelieving, I tend to doubt, mistrust, and question authority,I am possessive in relationships, I am afraid that I or my loved ones are not chosen by God for salvation, I am both critical and envious at the same time towards others that are confident, I need to control my family in order to keep them safe to succeed so that they will love and appreciate me, When we are face with rejection we go to our coping mechanism

-Rejection...is a CHOICE YOU BELIEVE. YOU HAVE A CHOICE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE LOVED BY GOD

-Anger is NOT the primary. Anger is not the root but the FRUIT. Anger surfaces from something deeper like shame, insecurity, inadequacy, not having it my way.

-How do I know if I am walking in conviction vs shame? Conviction leads you to Jesus. Shame keeps you away from Jesus.

--When we are overcoming shame, it’s hard because there is this familiar feeling and when Jesus corrects us it may feel off ( like changing your tennis swing), but as you keep doing it knowing that it will produce the right outcome, despite the feeling of it being off, you get better and you swing better. Sometimes as christians we are so afraid to try because we are not doing it perfectly. But just as a toddler is walking and stumbling, the father is not saying you are not walking perfectly, he is rejoicing taking videos and so proud of his child walking!

-When you have a heart, and there is shame, rejection, hurt, there is a lie attached to it. When we experience something not good, shame says “ I am not good”, and when we make agreement to that shame, we are saying to the enemy, “I give you freedom and authority” Then there it becomes a stronghold where the enemy has a foothold in your life. When revelation from Christ comes in, and helps you to recognize shame and lie, then that breaks the foothold and you are healed. However there is temptation, that reminds you “ hey you are not good enough”, he wants access to your heart. When you stand against and say “ I am worthy and close to the heart of Jesus”, then that solidifies the freedom in your life. Christianity is not about being free from sin and perfection, it’s about filling your life in Christ so that there is no more room for anything else. When you repent, you are doing authority exchange. The devil is no longer your leader, Christ is, and when you walk in freedom you proclaim that proclaim. Repentance is your break up with the enemy.

-Forgiveness is the foundation of God’s kingdom and God’s character

-Unforgiveness is putting yourself as the judge to provide justice for yourself

-Forgiveness is necessary when we have been violated one way or another. Regardless of the situation there is a debt. In order to forgive you must take that debt and release the offender. Forgiveness is a choice not a feeling.

-”Open doors” are where we open our spirits to entertain different things in our lives. Sin is the biggest open door where we allow the enemy do whatever he wants with us. There are also open doors of compromise in our life that does the same. Examples of Open doors: soul ties (physical, spiritual, and emotional), drugs, explicit violent movies, music, witchcraft, any other areas where you put others before Jesus.

-Fear is a result due to lack of faith

-Examples of living in fear: my prayer times and bible times are motivated in fear, my relationship with Jesus is performance based, I fear failing God, I fear punishment from God, Forms of punishment I fear: withholding of financial blessing, true love and forgiveness, God is going to make me suffer unnaturally, God is withholding himself ignoring me not listening, fear of man, fear of becoming a self-fulfilled prophecy, I fear falling back into sin, I fear I will not free from habitual sin and addiction, I fear I will never get married, I fear failing in marriage, I fear I will get divorced, I fear intimacy and being seen for who I really am.  I fear my children will not turn out well. I fear not succeeding in a good career, I fear disappointing my parents and those I respect, I fear my past and suffering shame form my past, I fear my past will disgrace me, I fear God’s punishment for my past, I fear confessing a sexual struggle sin, I fear God would not heal me from my scars, I fear I will be found out for who I am.

Because freedom week was so liberating, it was also emotionally draining since it required a lot of heart work and self-reflection. I would often go to the beach or try to squeeze in some alone time with God and feel restored. This past weekend we went to Mauna Kea which is a well known dormant volcano here in the Big Island. We went around 3pm and the drive to the volcano was BEAUTIFUL. We felt just overwhelmed with the rolling hills and how we eventually were driving above the clouds. Unfortunately when we got the visitor center we were told we couldn’t go to the very top since it was icy! Yes, I had to wear 4 layers of clothes because there was snow up in this volcano! We instead just chilled in the visitor center which was still beautiful. Also it was our team member’s birthday on Sunday so we celebrated with ramen, costco’s hot dogs, and mango cheesecake. 

On our way back I had a good conversation with one of my team member who has autism. A lot of the team members are worried about him going with us on outreach since he has the tendency to underestimate his strength, especially when playing around with kids, and would wander off without telling us where he is. I was worried he might just fall asleep on my drive back when I asked him to keep me company and he did actually really well. I can tell he is often misunderstood and he does have a kind heart who desires to love and be loved. 

On Sunday, my roomies and I went to Livingstone church together and went to Two Step to snorkel after. It was tough encouraging them to overcome the fear of the ocean but it was worth seeing them over come their fear. My roomie Naeun who is a great chef made us kimchi fried rice and Juhye who is also a great chef made us rrabboki. While eating dinner we shared how we are doing and what we were most thankful for. It was a beautiful time for us as roomies to see how far we’ve come in our walk with the Lord, how God has restored us so  much, and how thankful we were that God has put us in the same room together.  

Prayer request:

1)Perseverance and God’s grace:  June 9 is technically when I am supposed to have my period and I am reminded everyday of the possibilities that I would not be healed. Perhaps I was wrong when people prayed for me and I felt confirmation. My neck and shoulders are still pretty stiff and painful in the morning and sometimes I get tingling of my hands. This morning I felt particularly defeated and frustrated but God reassured me to trust in His timing. 

2) Continual renewing of my mind. I have had complete closure of all the bondages that I’ve faced and thought of but the enemy is fighting hard to remind or tempt me to return to the bondage of fear, rejection, and shame. I recently felt rejected by someone and I caught myself replaying our conversation and the scenario over and over again and beating myself up for it. This person keeps coming up in my head and I’m trying hard to fight this distraction but in the end I pray for more of Christ in me so that there would be nothing else. 

3) Financial provision. I have raise $130 out of $800 that I need raise by June 28, 2021. Please pray that God would release his financial provision and stir the hearts of those he called to serve the people of Mazatlan. 

Mahalo for taking the time to read this!

Alicia

[therewas-a-girl]

just curious, but what are you're thoughts about Laurel basically on her deathbed and using some of her last words to hope for Oliver and Felicity to find each other again? Looking back, I am glad she acknowledged that Oliver will never love her the way he loved Felicity but at the same time it seems weird for the writers to use her last hours on earth to basically "pimp" (so to speak) for an olicity reunion when Sara and Lance still exist. Like the truth hurts about olicity for her but still:/

just a warning… this post is not kind. its not nice. i dont think arrow deserves either after how it treated laurel, so my honesty here is a bit… brutal, shall we say? or rather, non-compromising. 

just know, anon, that all of this is not aimed at you, but at the fandom in general and specifically, the gleefully hateful part of fandom that gloated a lot when this happened. 

okay, so when i first saw that episode, the very first thought in my head was ‘what the incoherent flying fuck????’, followed closely by ‘what kind of hairy dirty cheap asshole motherfuck—-’ and generally landing somewhere here:

because i really thought that it was just a move done by the writers/whoever makes these kinds of decisions, to generate more buzz around Laurel’s death, and use this as an occasion to - again and needlessly - make everything concerning the women around oliver, about oliver, oliver’s love life, who oliver chose - essentially, fabricating a competition between felicity and laurel, where there never was one. 

bulltpoint time!

it succeeded in inflaming a ship war that was so unnecessary 

it was plainly a usage of a woman’s death TO THE MAX - in the ‘lets milk this fucker out all the way’ kind of thing. 

manpain for all involved? check! 

pitting two women who were friends, against each other? check!

calling to some of the most base fandom instincts, so that ppl make even MORE noise? fucking CHECK! 

rly they used laurel and her death so hard, mention her everywhere, the ghost of her more present in arrow when seh was dead than she had ever been when seh was alive - that im surprised they didn’t pull a Sara and use her corpse as well. — women in arrow, as i never get tired of saying, are worth far more as corpses. two birds with one stone dude! better stories for the men; less lines of dialogue for the women cause lol, they’re dead. basically the perfect storytelling object!

at that point, there was simply the only way for them to tie Laurel to oliver’s story, since apparently these writers cannot conceive of males and females who are friends? nor of women having their own stories

making laurel’s last words be about how she props olicity and how she loves oliver doesn’t take away from her journey, but it does… sully it, in a way. it’s like spitting in the face of what was before because it’s like saying ‘yo her self-saving, her defining herself by her own standards, defying everyone and everything to follow her own rules isnt ENOUGH. there needs to be love for oliver yo. like, nothing is worth anything if its not about the main character yo.’ like laurel having her own thing was an insult or something

the only thing i can think of is ‘masculinity so fragile’ rn

because while Sara and Lance are still alive - they’re not oliver and everything has to be about oliver. 

when i first started to write fanfiction - i believed that every single thing was supposed to center around my self-insert oc. it’s natural, its a part of writing and the process of learning, but my point is that this is the level Arrow is at, with the way it builds its stories around Oliver. im surprised his hair doesn’t change color.

it was an insult to laurel as a character, to use her last words to prop up fucking olicity. cause that’s what it was - deliberately so. 

an insult to lauriver fans, hardcore and shamelessly so

in a sense, i might even say it was favoritism, but that would imply that i think Martin Guttentag does in fact have a preference, like so many like to flatter themselves believing here, when the truth is, i think he prefers what makes noise/money - no matter how cheap or dirty - and and this ^^^ whole thing is proof. 

it was, for laurel’s fans, an adding insult to the injury of killing her in such an ugly way. 

it managed to make affirmations like ‘oliver loved felicity more than laurel/never loved laurel, hah its canon now!!!’ come to life, as if that is somehow defining of either of felicity or laurel’s worth. 

admittedly, a known side effect of pitting two women against each other for a man’s attention and ‘’’’love’’’’. after all, that’s the beginning and end of their purpose, right?

i do not think women being in love are somehow less worthy of respect. i dont think that makes them ‘less’ in any way - i dont like that kind of affirmation. but saying that after all the shit way oliver treated laurel oliver and over again, she still loved him…. after she said from her own mouth that ‘i don’t remember what it feels like to love you’… idk… maybe it’s just me, and the fact that i forgive oliver for nearly everything he has done to other characters, but i cannot forgive him for what he did to laurel. so, to me, making her still in love with him is a true and deep disservice to her character and just… it’s not realistic man. it’s just not realistic. 

i’ve heard it said around that it was apparently what katie cassidy wanted - perpetuated, mind you, by people who generally and openly despise her and her character - and that she is to blame for it, and honestly, the more i think about it, the more hilariously transparent this seems to me. like, lets take the facts: 

katie: an actress, whose wishes, as far as i know, have never affected her character’s further than how she spins her hair when she turns and her other acting choices. (going by the fact that her employers did shit like not bothering to tell her she was gonna die until last minute, not bothering to tell her caity lotz was coming in to [essentially] replace her ‘till caity got there - not even a very respected worker.)

melvin guttentag (my thanks to @sydneybarett , im totally copying her coping-mechanism here): has a four year long history of screwing over women’s stories in order to make the hero look better. has a four year history of screwing over laurel’s character with a fucking grin on his face and utterly pleased about it. is generally a giant bag of limp smelly dicks….

whose idea was it? what is more statistically possible, do you think? 

the irony of how easy it is for an actress to get the blame for something that, until proven contrary, the writers did, just because it makes her easier to mock, does not escape me, btw.

they didnt pimp laurel out. they whored themselves out, showing to the world, again, the kind of show arrow really is. 

the only truth that hurts is how cringeworthy Arrow can get and how so much of the olicity fandom ate this sexist shit with a spoon and loved every minute of it.

no surprise however, since it was practically engineered for this specific purpose. 

[myhahnestopinion]

The Night A THERAPY-NEEDING THERAPIST Came Home: PHOBIA (1980)

You should get therapy. Yes, you, dear blog reader. Now, don’t be offended! There’s no shame in getting therapy. Pretty much everyone should! There are some who require it to manage chronic mental illnesses and personalities disorders, but therapy is also productive and meaningful in all sorts of other circumstances. People looking to improve their social relationships. People looking to stay motivated on specific goals. Even therapists use therapy! Or, at least, they should.

But perhaps the group that needs therapy the most are those of us who have sat through the mind-numbing terribleness of 1980’s Phobia. 

Phobia revolves around Dr. Peter Ross, a psychiatrist trying to help a group of prisoners overcome their irrational fears. Dr. Ross has a theory, called “implosion therapy,” in which patients are immersed in experiences of their fear, until they learn to overcome them.

Why, that’s just “immersion therapy”, you say? That’s not an original thesis, Dr. Ross! Well, may I remind you, blog readers, it is often said the definition of “science” is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results!

Or something like that.

Anyway, Dr. Ross’ method of immersion involves locking his subjects in a room as giant telemonitors play videos of the patient’s fear.

Watching movies is an effective form of therapy?? Wow, I have been doing this right all along!

Barbara Grey, an agoraphobe, is shown videos of a packed subway station. Bubba King, an ophidiophobe, is shown a video of a snake eating a rabbit. Henry Owens, an acrophobe, is shown a video where a child falls to their death off a balcony. When they hit the ground, their head explodes into ceramic pieces, which, uh, seems less like it will solve Henry’s fear of heights than introduce a whole new set of problems for him to work through.

If you’re questioning Dr. Ross’s method, you’re not the only one, as he is called before a hospital ethics committee to answer a few questions about his practice. After explaining that his method is based on a personal experience from his childhood where his father threw him in a lake despite his fear of water, the chairman of the committee quickly announces that Dr. Ross has met their concerns. Which would be a sensible conclusion, if by “meet our concerns,” the chairman means, “brought us face to face with new concerns we would never have even thought of before this meeting.”

Namely things like, “personal anecdotes are not a solid basis for dangerous psychiatric therapy,” or maybe concerns like “Um, where did you acquire this video of a ceramic child’s head exploding?”, or maybe even, “So, you’re telling us you blew our hospital’s budget for the entire year on a room of multiple oversized telemonitors just to test a theory that’s already been proven?”

Dismissed by the committee, Dr. Ross leaves his office, and is confronted outside by Dr. Alice Toland. Dr. Toland leans in towards Dr. Ross, and whispers about how she can’t stop thinking about the time they hooked up. “I did all the things I told my patients not to do if they find themselves in a similar situation, but, well, it’s another case of a psychiatrist not able to take her own meds,” she remarks.

It’s not a bad line, but, personally, I would have gone with, “Dr. Ross, I could really use some of your ‘implosion therapy’… inside of me.”

But, well, maybe that’s why I’m not a psychiatrist.

Dr. Ross continues his experiments by taking Barbara, the agoraphobe, into the city, and asking her to take the subway into the market. “You mean nothing to me, you mean nothing to me,” Barbara routinely thinks as she makes her way through the compact crowds underground, which, again, feels less like the cure for Barbara’s phobia, and more like the start of an antisocial personality disorder.

Regardless of whether Barbara is able to manage her fear, Dr. Ross asks that she meet him at his house just a few blocks away after she is done. When Dr. Ross enters his home, though, he realizes he’s not even supposed to be there today! He has a hockey game! Dr. Ross rushes out with his pads and puck, and is not home when Barbara arrives in a panic. As Barbara continues to panic, she spots a drawer in Dr. Ross’s home office with her name on it. She opens it to find a bomb, and the movie cuts to black.

“You should have seen your apartment. There was blood everywhere,” someone describes to Dr. Ross. Yes, well, I wish I could have seen that too, but you can’t blow your budget on blowing things up if you also want that sweet on-location hockey rink action.

I’m not the only one who find’s Dr. Ross’ hockey obsession suspect. “Unusual for someone from California to play hockey, isn’t it?” Inspector Larry Barnes inquires upon calling Dr. Ross into his office for questioning.

Now, Phobia is a Canadian production shot in Ontario, but never specifies its setting. Therefore, it’s unclear whether Inspector Barnes takes issue with Dr. Ross bringing his absurd Canadian culture into America or with Dr. Ross patronizing attempts to assimilate from America into Canadian culture. But, don’t worry, either way, we can still pass the blame to those dang foreigners!

Much to Dr. Toland’s dismay, a young woman named Jenny St. Clair bursts into Inspector Barnes’ office and embraces Dr. Ross, her boyfriend. Barnes inquires if St. Clair knows any of Ross’ patients, but she says she’s only ever seen pictures of them. “Too bad,” Barnes replies, “I thought I could make use of your women’s intuition.”

Man, we were really counting on your women powers there, Jenny! Now Barnes has to do actual police work, and the rest of us have to sit through another hour of this garbage! Geez, no wonder women are treated like second class citizens here in America! …or Canada! Wherever we are! Doesn’t really matter in this case either.

Dr. Ross goes to meet with Henry Owens, Bubba King, and his other patients, who are all still reeling from the death of their friend in the program. Well, “reeling” in this case means praising Dr. Ross for how wonderful he is and raving about how he’s such a ladies man. You know, if most people knew that therapy was just sitting in a circle with a bunch of people that enthusiastically tell you how much you can get it, I think we could actually solve the mental health crisis in America!

…or Canada! Whichever!

“Let’s skip therapy today,” Dr. Ross tells Bubba. “For Barbara.” It’s a nice sentiment, but Ross doesn’t really have any other choice, as the police demand to question Henry Owens due to his particular criminal backstory. Once in the interrogation room, Barnes and the other police officer sit Henry down in a chair, then demand he stand up. After he stands, the officer removes the chair without Henry’s knowledge, and Barnes orders the terrified Henry to sit down again, who complies, and unexpectedly falls onto his butt, as the police officers laugh. “Flying through space, doesn’t seem to bother him at all,” Barnes jokes in reference to Henry’s acrophobia.

If you’re thinking that such antics are beneath the office these two possess, well, I have some bad news for you.

Don’t catch you slippin’ up! This is America!

…Or Canada. Again, it’s not clear.

But, dammit, they get results. “Results,” in this case, being breaking Owen to the point where he assaults the officers, escapes the hospital, holds a woman at gunpoint to steal a car, and the proceeds to lead the police on a car chase around LA/Toronto, culminating in this man running up into an under-construction building and out onto an unsteady I-beam. Sure, might not have been the best move for someone who’s scared of heights, but, well, the man wasn’t afraid of driving in LA/Toronto, and, dammit, that should count for something!

Dr. Ross and Jenny get summoned to the scene to help. Ross runs up into the building and meets Henry on the I-beam to talk him down. Jenny watches anxiously with Inspector Barnes. “Can’t you set up a net to catch him?” she asks.

“Net wouldn’t work. He’s too high up,” Inspector Barnes replies.  And just like that, they’ve exhausted all possible options for breaking a man’s fall. Barnes doesn’t even have the decency to set up the net, and then yank it away at the last possible second, which would be hilarious, amirite? Hello? Am I right? Is this Canada or not?

Dr. Ross talks to Henry on the I-beam, but we are kept at a distance and can’t hear what he says. Henry appears to be willing to come down, but suddenly falls off to his death. “With a few more treatments, I would have had him cured,” Ross remarks afterwards to Jenny.

“Maybe we shouldn’t have treatment today,” Dr. Ross declares to his remaining three patients. Now, come on, Dr. Ross! You can’t just decide not to continue treatment just because another patient died! That’s like postponing your gun-themed television drama whenever there’s a mass shooting. It’s gonna keep happening, so at some point, you just gotta go ahead and air it anyway!

The patients seem to be on my side of this, as they all decide to forge ahead with their treatment. Next up in the telemonitor booth is Laura Adams. Dr. Ross starts his movies on the big screens and, this time, they’re of… three men violently grabbing at a screaming woman…?

Now, I’m no psychiatrist, but, well, I don’t think not wanting to be unconsensually grabbed by violent men can be considered an irrational phobia. Dr. Ross forges ahead with his theory though, even to the point of violently grabbing Laura and pulling her back into the room against her will in order to cure her fear of being violently grab and pulled against her will. 

Following her “therapy,” Laura takes a bath, presumably as a coping mechanism and not an excuse for gratuitous nudity. Once in the bathtub, Laura is drowned by a mysterious figure.

After one of his two remaining patients, Johnny Venturi, is crushed in an elevator shaft, Dr. Ross is summoned once again by Barnes. Barnes points out that Dr. Ross has an understanding of explosives from his time in Vietnam and has had access to all the patients before his death. “All that’s lacking is a motive,” Barnes muses.

It is at this point in a murder mystery plot that a film swerves and delivers something unexpected, yet still built up on all that’s come before. And Phobia does indeed do the unexpected by… revealing Ross’ motive.

Dr. Alice Toland decides to sneak into Ross’ office to investigate his files, because that’s never gone wrong for anyone before. In the office, Toland is confronted by Jenny, and reveals that the reason Ross was really afraid of water was because his sister drowned many years ago. As Toland relays this information, she pauses, realizing out loud that Ross blames himself for his sister’s death, and now believes that people who are unable to overcome their phobias deserve to be punished with death.

Jenny rushes to Ross’ office to find Bubba dead from a rattlesnake bite, and Ross wielding a gun. “I had a baby sister. I can never remember her name,” Ross exposits in sympathetic fashion. “She died when I was… seven,” he continues, in less sympathetic fashion.

Ross holds the gun to his head, and before Jenny can stop him, pulls the trigger. Ross’ body hunches over his control panel, and he dies as he lived: showing weird-ass videos of a child falling of a building and exploding into ceramic pieces on the giant video monitors behind him.

Sometimes in therapy, one is able to talk through past events and discover answers that had been staring one in the face all along. This is then perhaps the most accurate aspect of therapy on display in Phobia. The film starts with the premise that a doctor’s patients are being murdered one by one and suspicion falls on our intrepid hero, Dr. Ross. In the end, the doctor’s patients are murdered one by one and the culprit was.. our intrepid hero, Dr. Ross. In therapy, one usually has multiple options for treatment. In Phobia, the film never bothers to come up with an alternative suspect to Dr. Ross, making for quite the interminable murder mystery. And while the answers discovered in therapy often take a long time to work through, Phobia rushes to a disappointing conclusion unlikely to provide any catharsis, no matter how many oversized telemonitors you project the film on.

Phobia is available on Digital SD.

COMING SOON: Another installment in The Night X Came Home Vol. 3!