#i don’t actually have it that bad i am just sleepy and annoyed rn

[easeupkid]

and somehow, despite the fact that i am so scared of graduating, i still have senioritus

[ray-ray-writings]

Okay but like SBI family with a goat hybrid reader? Also may I be the 🔍 anon if it's not taken? Thank you!

(Of course!! Welcome to the Rayders 🔍 anon!!!) 

Yesss more hybrid tings. I hope you enjoy. (P.S. Imagines won by a landslide so I posted the Punz one but I am just not in the right headspace to write for Techno rn lol. So have this as my apology)

Alright. Let’s start with this. You have two horns that stick out on your head. They are very cool but also very sensitive. Whenever you’ve done something good or you are cuddling someone, they will rub your horns as a form of affection/petting you and it always feels really good and if you could purr like a cat, you would. Because of your horns, you and Tubbo are very close. You two hang out all the time and share tips and tricks for taking care of your horns and stuff like that. 

So to kind of go along with affection, the way you most often show affection is by head butting. Nothing too hard or jarring, just a soft little head tap. Like Techno bring you food, headbutt against the arm. Wilbur sing you a song, headbutt his shoulder. Tommy isn’t annoying for once, headbutt against his chest. Philza cuddling you, also gets a headbutt to the shoulder. Tubbo compliments you, headbutt his head. I feel like you don’t headbutt other people’s heads because sometimes your horns can hurt them, but Tubbo doesn’t mind and he can handle it. Eventually once you learn how to be more careful, you give headbutts to everyone. As for who likes them the most? My money is on Techno. I just really think that Techno is the type to love silent short bursts of affection like that. And I just think that he would really love and appreciate the soft head taps that you give him and so much so that I think at one point he starts giving them back to you. Like just will walk by you, gently headbutt you and move on. You two never mention it its just something soft between you two. 

Something funny that I have found in my research is that when goats get over excited or scared, they will faint. They don’t actually go unconscious but their body tenses up and their muscles lock up and they fall over. So I imagine you do the same. I think you found out one day because Philza surprised you with something you had wanted for a long time and you let out a loud squeal and then you felt your body lock up and you fell over. It scared the hell out of the sleepy boys, but after talking to Schlatt, who sometimes acts like an older brother or a mentor to you on this hill I will-.... Moving on, after talking to Schlatt you find out it’s perfectly normal and that it’s nothing to worry about. Tommy uses this knowledge to his advantage. He thinks it is the funniest thing ever so he makes it his mission to at least once a week scare you so bad that you ‘faint’. He does everything from jump scaring you to literally somehow getting a zombie in your house to make you do the thing. It if genuinely bothered you though, he would stop but if you didn’t mind he would literally do it all the time. 

You are so good at jumping and climbing, it scares the crap out of people sometimes. Like you can climb vertically on certain blocks without ladders or vines or anything, you can just get yourself up there. Like Tommy’s cobblestone towers? One time he forgot something in a chest at the top and he had no way of getting up and you were like “I’ve got it” and you just walk up the side of the building and begin scaling it. Tommy is for once in his life speechless as he watches you scale the building. When you’re about halfway up, Philza walks out with Techno and Wilbur and they catch sight of you and run over. “Y/N!” Philza yells up at you, “What is going on?” You don’t respond, you’re a little busy. So Philza looks over to Tommy who snaps out of it and looks back at Philza, “Did you know they could do that?” “Do what? Aren’t they stuck?” “No, they’re climbing… Like actually climbing the building” And so the four of them turn their attention back to you and just watch in utter amazement as you get to the top, grab the things needed, and then climb back down with no issues. You are bombarded with questions while you hand Tommy the thing that he needed. Once they all died down you just give them a little shrug, “Schlatt told me I might be good at climbing. I put it to the test one day and turns out I am” From then on, you they don’t get as scared when they see you hanging off the side of the building, but it doesn’t mean they don’t get scared.

OKAY WAIT I HAD THIS REALLY FUNNY IDEA! Like one day Tubbo is grounded and his room is like on the third floor or something and Philza wouldn’t let you up the stairs to go see him “Like you cannot go up these stairs and see Tubbo” and you’re like okay bet so you go outside and you literally scale the wall and tap on the window of Tubbo’s room. He comes to the window and is like “Philza said you couldn’t see me!” And you grin and are like “He said I could not go up the stairs and see you…. I did not go up the stairs to see you.” Tubbo laughs at that and helps you in the room. And when Philza catches you later, he can’t even be made because damn…. He did say that didn’t he?

Contrary to what some may think, goats are actually very clean eaters. They won’t eat things that are like rotting or things that have just gone bad. So you are a very picky eater. You will only eat good food that has been prepared that day. You have a good diet that you follow and that your family knows about because you have definitely thrown a fit and refused to eat something and have started whole ass food fights to get what you wanted. That being said, you will absolutely put anything in your mouth to give it a test nibble. You and Philza cuddling on the couch and his hat is right in reach, you can bet you’re chomping. Techno’s cape dragging behind him as he walks by you while you’re seated on the couch, you bet you’re reaching forward and nibbling on the end of it. Wilbur has absolutely found you with a part of his guitar in your mouth. Once you even chewed on Tommy’s discs… You were very lucky you had not ruined it because he was very upset… You were sorry but that did not stop you from biting other things of his as well. Just literally everything and anything becomes a chew toy for you and after a while the boys just learn to deal with it. They even actually learn to set out things that you can chew on and learn to hide the things that they don’t want you to chew. 

So these weren’t very good but I still hope you enjoyed them!!

[peach-pops]

Kuroo’s Secret Relationship

Request: hello👉🏻👈🏻 i had a vision and i cant tell if this is dumb or cute but IMAGINE kuroo and his karasuno manager gf at training camp but nobody knows theyre datin so they just keep it a secret so during the camp they try to find time to meet but if one of them is free the other one is busy. so during sleepy time she gets up to like poo or sumn and kuroo suprises her but she didnt know it was him so she punches him but then she feels bad and the next day everyone thinks he got in a fight I LOV U❤️

Author’s Note: Thank you for requesting!!! I am a total simp for Kuroo idk if you guys can tell. This is just a cute little scenario and honestly, I’d let Kuroo punch ME but that’s none of my business. ALSO requests are still open, I’ll close them once I reach a certain amount. 

Kuroo watched from afar as you talked amongst some of his teammates that were practically drooling at the pools of your feet. He knew he wasn’t being subtle at all as his eyes raked up your figure but he didn’t know how much more of this he could take. 

You two had been dating for a while but you both thought it would be important to keep your relationship a secret for the time being. Kuroo didn’t want to make it seem like he would be putting volleyball as a second priority to his team and you didn’t want it to look like you were fooling around with one of Karasuno’s “enemies”. 

It was fun sneaking off behind corners for private makeout sessions and sharing secret glances towards each other but as Kuroo watched you get blatantly hit on in front of him, he felt like he was losing his cool. 

The worst part was that since the training camp started, the two of you had no alone time and it was eating away at the both of you. You felt like you couldn’t even smile at Kuroo when he did really well against your own Karasuno without exposing your relationship and frankly, the two of you were both at your wits end. 

“ You’re making it obvious,” Kuroo turned around and looked down at Kenma, who’s attention was on his gaming console,” just go over there.”

Okay, Kuroo wasn’t supposed to tell anyone but Kenma was an exception. The two had been friends for so long and Kuroo trusted him with his life, plus Kenma was never the type to gossip. 

“ Are you seeing this? They’re practically undressing her with their eyes! I can tell from here that Lev is into her just from the way he’s standing,” Kuroo kept his gaze on you as you let out a laugh and even though Kuroo didn’t hear the joke, he knew your laugh wasn’t even genuine,” I might actually kill them, would you help me bury the body?”

Kenma sighed as he continued to keep his attention to his game,” You’re hopeless.”

“ We would need to dig a bigger hole, Lev has a pretty big head,” Kuroo mumbled as you excused yourself to step away. 

As soon as you turned away from the boys, your smile dropped and Kuroo could visibly see how annoyed you were with the conversation. 

It made Kuroo feel better that you didn’t like getting hit on but it wasn’t like you could stop them, they all thought you were single. If they would’ve known you were dating the captain of Nekoma, their advances would stop but that wasn’t an option at the moment. 

You looked over at Kuroo and your whole demeanor shifted. You gave him a big smile before you looked away and pulled out your phone to text him. 

Y/N: pls tell me you saw that- i couldn’t wait for that conversation to be over, lev and yamamoto are going to be the death of me 

Tetsuro: trust me, they’ll wish they were dead once im done with them

Tetsuro: r u free rn? I checked this morning and the janitors closet is unlocked maybe we can sneak off to have some alone time ;)

You looked up from your phone and up towards Kuroo who had the biggest smirk on his face. Before you could text back, Nekoma’s manager announced that Nekoma was next up to play for court two. 

Kuroo groaned out loud, of course the universe was against him. 

Tetsuro: im sorry baby, maybe later tonight then? 

Y/N: that’s fine - good luck!

You watched as Kuroo put his phone away and sent you a quick wink before heading over to the empty court. 

For the rest of the day, you two hardly even had the chance to share a glance between each other. Whenever he was playing on a court, Karasuno had their own match and whenever he was free, you had manager duties with the other girls. 

Even during dinner, you were so busy running around doing last-minute tasks before bed that Kuroo never got to say goodnight to you. By the time you finished, Kuroo was already in bed snoring away with his teammates. 

In the middle of the night, you woke up to Tanaka kicking you in his sleep and in retaliation, you grabbed your pillow and swung it over his face. 

Tanaka only grumbled and flipped to face the other way, still in deep sleep whereas you were now wide awake. You rubbed your tired eyes but as you tried to fall back asleep, all you could think about was how dry your mouth was. 

You contemplated on getting water before you sat up from your sleeping bag and walked out of the room silently, trying your best not to step on any of the sleeping boys. Once you shut the door behind you, you made your way down the hallway to the water fountain in a tired manner. 

You weren’t terrified of the dark but the thought of going down a dark hallway at a school you weren’t familiar with was unsettling to say the least and you wish you brought your phone for some light. 

When you reach the water fountain, you bent down and as you started to drink the water, you felt like something was off. Before you could turn around, you felt something touch your waist and every hair on the back of your neck stood up. 

You whipped around and when you saw a tall and dark figure, your first instinct was to scream and swing your arm out to defend yourself. You made contact with the figure and once you heard the groan, you knew exactly who it was. 

“ Tetsuro! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, you scared me! Are you okay!” You said as Kuroo held his cheek in pain. 

He couldn’t believe you had actually punched him but he was even more surprised you landed a good punch in the dark,” See baby, I told you taking those boxing lessons would pay off but damn, you punch hard.”

“ You know you can’t sneak up on me like that, I’m jumpy!” You sighed as you squinted to see Kuroo’s face in the dark,” what are you doing up this late?”

Kuroo kept one hand on his throbbing cheek as the other reached down to pull out his phone,” I texted you to meet me in front of the janitors closet cause I wanted to have some quality time with my beautiful, sweet, girlfriend who I thought would never hurt me but instead of kisses, I got socked in the face!” 

You knew Kuroo was only teasing you but you felt so guilty. You wrapped your arms around his large frame and pressed your face into his chest and apologized in a muffled tone,” I’m the worst girlfriend ever.” 

Kuroo let out a laugh as he weaved his fingers through your bedhead and planted a kiss on the top of your head,” Don’t say that. If it makes you feel any better, you could always just knock out guys who try to hit on you now.”

You smiled up at your boyfriend as he took the chance to lean down and kiss you softly, his hands wrapped around your waist to pull you closer to him. 

Kuroo smirked against your lips as you moved your hands up to lightly tug on his hair,” You know, the janitors closet locks from the inside.”

“ Are you suggesting we have sex in a dirty closet? What if someone walks by and hears us?”

“ Get your head out of the gutter, I never said anything about sex,” Kuroo acted shocked as he tucked a strand of hair before leaning down to whisper in your ear,” unless you think you can be quiet for me.” 

You rolled your eyes as you grabbed Kuroo’s hand and led him into the janitors closet right beside the restrooms,” Whatever, we both know you’re the loud one.” 

“ We’ll see about that kitten.” 

The next morning, Kuroo went to practice normally but not without weird murmurs from his teammates. At first, he thought his secret was out and maybe you had left hickeys across his neck but it was an entirely different mark that he had forgotten about. 

“ Woah, buddy, did you get into a fight? I’m pretty blind but I’m pretty sure you didn’t have that bruise at dinner yesterday,” Bokuto said in awe as he tried to touch the large bruise that was on Kuroo’s cheek,” that is a bruise! Akaashi, come look at this!”

Kuroo swatted his hand away and used his phone camera to get a better look at his face. Turns out, you had punched him way harder than he had initially thought. 

Kuroo couldn’t even think of a lie in time so he tried to reveal as little as possible,” Who am I going to fight around here?” 

“ I don’t know...has anyone seen Lev?” Akaashi asked right as Karasuno entered through the gym doors. 

“Kuroo! Did you kill Lev? You can be honest with me I wouldn’t tell a soul!” Bokuto shouted loudly as a few heads turned in their direction. 

Your ears perked up once you heard Kuroo’s name and as you turned to look over at the boys, your heart immediately dropped when you saw the bruise you had left Kuroo. 

Without thinking, you dug into one of the coolers and pulled out an icepack, even though it was a little too late to ice it down. 

You rushed over to Kuroo, not caring that some people had their attention on you as you pressed it against his face,” That looks really bad, I’m so- um what happened?” 

“ Kuroo killed Lev!” Bokuto teased as Akaashi gave him a stern look that quickly shut him up. 

You sighed as you looked up at Kuroo and bit the inside of your cheek before whispering  softly,” I think we should tell everyone before you get in trouble. You know Nekoma has a no-tolerance policy for fighting and I don’t want it to be a rumor that you got into a fight with someone.” 

“ I know, you’re right but can we wait until the rest of my teammates get here?” Kuroo asked as you gave him a confused look,” I want them to be jealous just for a bit.”

You shook your head with a smile as Kuroo placed his hand over yours that was holding up the icepack,” Okay, just for a bit.”

[hold-my-hand-kuroo]

i am aware that i do have requests, so please forgive me if i’m taking WAY too long! things have been a little stressful lately, so i’m trying to write what i have in mind rn to destress. if i post something that isn’t your request, i’m not ignoring it!! i promise that it’ll get done!! in the meantime, stay safe and healthy, everyone!! ❤️

ushijima, tendou, + shirabu dating headcanons

ushijima wakatoshi

a gentle giant, even if his performance on the court says otherwise

he’s not too excellent at expressing his feelings verbally, so he’ll need someone who can read his actions well

shows his love through physical actions. he’s absolutely so soft for you, and if you two are just sitting on the couch, expect calloused hands playing with your hair or tracing circles on your palm

he doesn’t even realize that he’s doing it, because it just feels so natural to touch and be with you

loves it when you fall asleep on him, because it makes him so happy that you feel safe. he’s used to people being scared of him and is absolutely aware that his appearance isn’t the most welcoming, so to have someone that lets their guard down when he’s around is refreshing

when it comes to dates, he literally has no preference and would prefer if you did the planning. he knows he isn’t romantic and is afraid that he’ll end up ruining your day unintentionally. plus, he’s happy just seeing you, so he’s literally down for anything

he absolutely swoons if you start talking about volleyball. you don’t even have to be knowledgeable on the sport! things like “your spike was amazing!” or “that team’s middle blocker is really tall!” get him excited, because he’s glad his passion doesn’t bore you

kisses. yeah. in private, his kisses are deep, but never rough, as he’s afraid he’ll hurt you. loves it when you leave small kisses on his hands or face and will definitely return them tenfold

PDA isn’t usually too much of a problem. it’s hard for him to get embarrassed, but he knows it’ll cause a scene, especially in front of his team, so he keeps it to simple hand holding.

always wants to be the big spoon during cuddles, no buts about it. whispers genuine compliments that aren’t laced with flowery language. in fact, they’re so direct that it always gets you flustered, and he’s here for it

tendou satori

this boy is so whipped for you

someone that likes him??? he’s so touched that he almost cries when you first start dating

after all, with a childhood filled with bullying and even now with people calling him a monster, he knows that he’s a bit of an anomoly

an anomoly you love!!

dates are so spontaneous. he’s a no-plan type of guy and just does whatever feels right or whatever comes to mind

you could be strolling at the park with him, see a dog, and suddenly be taken to the zoo

a big fan of PDA. he knows that you love him, and in his mind, that’s really hard to do (it’s not!!), so he wants to show to the world how kind your beautiful heart is

kisses before and after practice, walking around with his hands wrapped around your waist, you name it

the team never sees you two not touching, and rather than being annoyed, they’re endeared by the fact that satori has found someone besides ushijima that accepts all of him for who he is

expect playful teasing. not only can he guess blocks, but tendou is a MASTER at guessing your schedules

he just knows when you’re up for a late night snack and will drag you out at 3 AM for ice cream and chips

he’ll always try to get you to go home with him and play games or cuddle, but he’ll also have your schedule memorized. if he knows that you’re stressed about something for the next day, he’ll skip the late night snack and just visit you to help you rest up

when cuddling, he likes to intertwine his legs with yours and stroke your back. doesn’t have a preference for big or small spoon, but when he’s in a bad mood, nothing helps him cheer up better than you pulling him into your chest and playing with his hair

he feels so safe with you in your arms. during especially hard times, he’ll probably thank you for just existing and will turn into a sobbing mess

he’s always grateful and wants to return the favor. he’ll have a special ringtone for you on his phone so that he’ll always pick up, even if he’s busy

when he’s missing you during a long training camp, he’ll replace all the words in his song with just your name, and he won’t stop singing it. the team swears that they even hear it while he’s sleeping

shirabu kenjirou

being serious and extremely hardworking, shirabu isn’t the type to beat around the bush

he confesses first, albeit a stuttering mess, and tries to hide his elation when you agree to go out with him

but you know that he’s happy, because his ears get all red

a study date type of guy. while he may be focused, he certainly isn’t taking your presence for granted. his favorite pasttime is to read or watch a documentary as you sit in his lap

also loves it when the both of you quiz each other for exams and when you hum as he looks over notes

it’s just so peaceful around you that he becomes more productive

always makes sure to leave time for just you and no work at least two times a week. like ushijima, he’s fine with you picking out or planning date activities, because he’s really just there to see you smile

all about treating you to meals. he feels bad for always having you study with him, so he makes sure to reward your effort

he’ll never admit it, but he loves taking pictures of you doing something you like. currently has a photo of you smiling while petting a cat as his home screen, because the lock screen is too risky. goshiki or tendou might see, and he’ll never hear the end of it

he gets embarrassed super easily, so he doesn’t really like PDA, especially not in front of the team. even hand holding is hard for him, because his hands will get clammy; however, interlocking fingers is just small enough, yet still intimate, for him to find acceptable

if you cheer for him at games, he’ll pretend not to be affected by it, but he’s literally glowing on the court, and his performance is improved by quite a bit. in his eyes, ushijima is the star, but knowing that you’re focused on him more than ushi gives him such a swell of pride

when cuddling, he insists on being the big spoon, but actually prefers being the little spoon, so you two end up switching quite a bit

he’s the type to rise early just to take in your sleepy face and the way the light shines on your body. when you’re exhausted from school or work, he’ll make breakfast and deliver it to you in bed, but nothing get him more excited than cooking together (or making a mess together. you’re the only one he goofs off with, though)

secretly dreams about a domestic life with you

loves to caress and be caressed, because the action is just so gentle, and even if he doesn’t often admit it, he’s so fond for you

[alpacaparkaseok]

Mine

5. Draw me like one of your French girls

Genre: Min Yoongi x oc

Warnings: none

Word Count: 3.3k

At this point, I’m seriously considering commissioning my own fanart.

It all started the next morning at our first press release. Somebody had the bright idea to show me some fanart that’s been rolling in the past few weeks of a certain k-pop rapper and I. Not gonna lie...we look good together.

Too good.

Then again, everything about Min Yoongi has seemed pretty good since I woke up to a couple more texts from him this morning. I passed out after his late-night/early morning apology, but he sent another text not long after.

4:32 MYG: So does this mean I’m forgiven? Bong-cha made it sound like you enjoy holding grudges.

9:02 MYG: Morning. I hope everything goes well with you today...is it alright if I keep texting you?

9:02 MYG: Just so I can keep tabs on everything. I don’t want this to get too out of hand for you.

Obviously the poor man is just as worried about all of this as I am. I couldn’t help but give a sleepy chuckle when I woke up to his messages.

So far, I’ve done a wonderful job of ignoring how nice it felt to wake up to a good morning text.

I’ve also done a great job at keeping calm and breezing past any weird questions from the current press conference I’m in. That is, until a Korean reporter (I have a hunch they’re from Dispatch) pipes up not only with a question, but with visual aids!

“Cara, do you mind if I ask you a question? Would you like a translator?”

Reminding myself to be gracious and kind, I shake my head. “Go ahead. I should be alright without a translator, thank you.”

The reporter nods, shuffling forward until they pull a paper out of their file in hand. She gives me a sickly smile, passing the paper up to our security guard who does me the honor of bringing it right to my outstretched palm.

“This is one of the newest renderings, I was just wondering how you have been feeling about this entire situation?”

I already guessed what this was going to be about, but the picture in my hand confirms it.

It’s fanart.

To be honest, it’s very well done. It’s a watercolor, the artist placed us walking along a rainy sidewalk. Hand in hand, Yoongi’s gummy smile on full display while I look down at my toes.

Sebastian whistles beside me, clearly as in awe of the artwork as I am. Before me the reporter still wears her smile, waiting for a response. I pass the paper down the line, allowing Rhea to get a chance to admire the fanart.

Maybe it’s the boost of confidence I received upon reading Yoongi’s text this morning that has me grinning back at the reporter with a saccharine smile.

“Did you draw this? It’s very well done.”

Not everyone can understand Korean in this press conference, but the few that do start chuckling. The reporter blanches for a moment, smile faltering.

“N-no, but if you could answer the question-”

I’m sure I look very disappointed as I look down at her. She definitely works for dispatch; she practically reeks of it. Maybe that’s what gives me the boldness I need as I realize that I’m not even her direct target; Yoongi is.

Yoongi’s nice. I don’t think she is.

“Oh, everything is going fine. Honestly, I should get in touch with this artist. They’re very talented.”

The reporter’s eyebrows flick up, sensing a new method of attack. “Were you thinking of commissioning your own?”

“Honestly, I might consider it. Maybe it’ll make my aunts quit hounding me every Thanksgiving about my love life.”

With that, the paper is handed back to the security guard, but the reporter motions for him to keep it. Confused, he hands it back to me. I turn it over so I don’t get caught staring at it during the conference. That’s the last thing Yoongi or I need right now.

As the reporter takes her seat again, I can’t help but feel a little triumphant. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

🌙

12:22 ME: I never said you were forgiven, did I?

As soon as we get out of the press conference we are ushered into a van which takes us to another interview. I figure that now is as good a time as any to text Yoongi back, seeing that this morning I woke up late and was too flustered to come up with a response.

“Who are you texting?” Sebastian asks. “Is it your friend that always calls you?”

I consider lying to him for a moment, but realize that it might actually be nice for him to know. He can keep me from being unrealistic when I start to fangirl.

He may also help me to keep that promise I silently made a while ago: to not go so easy on Yoongi. Right now, it’s proving harder than expected to dislike him.

“Nosy.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “You’re grinning at your phone like an idiot, that only happens when you get texts from me.”

“Ha! Right. It’s a secret...kind of. Don’t tell anyone.”

“I’ll try my best not to.”

Taking an unnecessarily big breath, I spill my secret that I’ve kept for approximately 12 hours.

“It’s Yoongi.” When there’s no immediate reaction from him, I backpedal. “Also known as Suga?”

Before Sebastian can respond the ping of my phone pulls my attention away.

12:26 MYG: Oh good, you responded. I was getting worried you were actually mad. So is it alright if I keep texting you? I don’t want to mess with your schedule.

“You’re smiling again.”

I look up to see an annoyed Sebastian Stan. He’s not very good at sharing attention, and it would appear that Yoongi is no exception.

“How strange, I didn’t realize.”

12:27 ME: That’s fine.

12:27 ME: But I am mad!!

12:28 MYG: Hahaha sure

“Cara, we’re here.” Sebastian says as he clambers out of the car. I follow after him, pocketing my phone.

There’s a few cameras outside waiting for us, but we’re able to make it inside the building without too much fuss. Once we make it into the room where we’re supposed to have one of our interviews, Sebastian pulls a paper out of his back pocket.

“What’s that?”

He smirks at me, unfolding the paper. It’s the fanart from earlier. I didn’t even realize that he’d pocketed it.

“Tell Suga I say hi, at least.” He poses with the papers just below his chin, giving the best puppy dog eyes he can muster up. It’s rather convincing, if I’m being honest.

“You weirdo,” I mumble as I snap a photo. I’m quick to send it off to Yoongi, captioning it.

12:37 ME: Sebastian says hello.

Our interviewer is just about to come into the room when I receive a response. Not having the self-restraint to put my phone away, I quickly take a look. Sebastian peers over my shoulder, curious as well.

12:40 MYG: Winter Soldier!!!

12:41 MYG: Hi. Did he draw that?

I cackle, quickly translating the message. Sebastian looks appalled. “I have better things to do than draw fanart!”

“Yeah, like write fanfiction, right?”

He grins at me. “Obviously.”

12:42 ME: No, but he says he’s writing fanfiction.

12:42 ME: We’re about to start an interview rn but I’ll tell him to send you his rough draft later. 😏

Interviews pass, and it isn’t until I’m finishing up dinner that my phone pings with another message from Yoongi. I nearly impale Sebastian with my fork as I lunge for my charging phone; he’d come into my hotel room to eat dinner with me.

“Watch it!” Sebastian grunts, shoveling food into his mouth at an alarming rate. We were promised lunch by Rhea earlier but it ended up just being a small snack as she was whisked away by a long-lost friend. The two of us managed to control our hunger for as long as possible, but Sebastian wasted no time calling up some food for us before we even got back to the hotel.

We barely beat the delivery boy here. He wasn’t all that surprised that we were American. Sebastian had tried out some very choppy Cantonese. What did end up surprising him was that he was delivering a meal to the Winter Soldier. I was able to sneak into my room undetected while the boy’s eyes were bugging out as Sebastian signed his hat.

“Sorry,” I mumble around my food.

9:12 MYG: I’m still waiting for the rough draft.

I translate the message to Sebastian, who cackles and promises to get started on it as soon as possible.

9:14 ME: Sorry, Sebastian said he’s still trying to write it. I’ll let you know when it’s ready!

9:15 MYG: That’s alright. I’ll be patient.

9:15 MYG: I saw a clip from your press conference today.

My stomach lurches as I realize what clip it was that he probably saw. Does he think I’m some crazy fangirl now? I mean, I might be. But he doesn’t need to know that.

9:18 ME: I didn’t get you in trouble, did I?

Sebastian notices my change in expression and shoots me a worried look. “Everything alright?” I shrug.

“Yeah...I just hope I didn’t get him in trouble with what I said at the press conference today. I think that reporter was trying to go against him somehow.”

“He’s a big boy. Did he say anything about it?”

I look back down at the messages even though I already know what he said. My stomach lurches again as I see the three little dots at the bottom of the screen.

“No, not really. He just said he saw a clip or something. He’s typing right now, though.”

9:20 MYG: I thought I was the worrier. No, you didn’t. How was the rest of your day?

“What’d he say?” Sebastian grabs our cartons of food, tossing them into the wastebasket.

“He’s just…”

“Are you blushing?!” My friend stares at me from across the room, eyes wide. “No way! You like him!”

“No! No I don’t!”

“Yes you do, don’t lie to me! You’re so into him!” Sebastians hurries back over grinning wide. “Wow, he must be a good texter.”

That really is helping my blush. “Nooo, he’s not. He’s just nice. That’s it. It’s just fun having someone nice to talk to, you know? He feels really bad about everything and - Sebastian quit it - and it’s just sweet of him to care. That’s it.”

Sebastian stops looking at me with his puppy dog eyes and leans back in his chair, a contemplative look overtaking his features. “I thought I was nice to talk to.”

I pause for a second, breath getting caught in my throat. “Y-you are. I didn’t mean it like that.”

He shakes his head, giving me an award-winning smile. “No, I know. Aren’t you going to respond?”

“Oh! Yeah!” I focus on my phone again. There’s an uneasy feeling rising in me at Sebastian’s comment, but I brush it off for now. He’s always been bad at sharing his friends. He’s the same with Anthony Mackey, I’ve seen it up close.

9:25 ME: True, I’ll let you worry. My day was good, just finished up dinner. How was yours?

“There, I-” I look up proudly only to find Sebastian’s chair empty and the door clicking shut. “...I did it.”

MYG: It was great. Got lots of work done.

MYG: Have you decided if you’re going to come to the festival or not? Also, Bong-cha says hi.

ME: Wow, she can’t even tell me herself. No respect. No, I honestly didn’t even think about it today...but I’m pretty sure we’re all going either way.

MYG: Haha she’s not happy with your comment.

MYG: She’s reading over my shoulder, I promise I’m not reading our conversation out loud. Is your director making you go?

I just miss the chance to respond as my phone lights up with an incoming call.

“Bong-cha, quit reading my conversations you little weirdo.”

“Hey, how’s it going with you? I’m great, thanks for asking.”

“Are you still in the room with everyone?”

“No, just left. You should see Yoongi right now, though.”

“Why?”

“He looks like a kid in a candy store every time he gets a text from you. It’s adorable.”

“Yah!”

My friend’s cackle soars through the phone, and I swat at the air as though I could somehow get her to stop.

“Please tell me you guys are coming to the festival.” Bong-cha’s sudden change in tone has me pausing, chewing on my lip.

“We are. Why?”

“Come stay with me!” Bong-cha shouts. I jump up, a grin already working its way onto my face. “It’ll be just like old times. And, I was looking at the schedule you sent me...there’s a couple of nights where you’re done relatively early. We could go do something fun!”

I sigh, rubbing my temples. My phone is buzzing with incoming texts, but I ignore them for now. “Yeah, that’ll be fun. I’m not sure if I can come stay with you-”

“C’mon,” Bong-cha whines. “I never get to see you anymore. We’ll make it work! Oh, I’ve gotta go, Tae brought Yeontan. But let me know!”

With that, Bong-cha cuts the line and leaves me on the other side caught between excitement at seeing my friend and dread at having to come face to face with Yoongi. Texting is one thing; but actually spending time with him?

“Just be his friend,” I mumble to myself. Settling down, I attack my food once more. The space where Sebastian sat before makes me furrow my brows.

What’s going on with him? I mean sure, we’re really good friends. But we still see each other constantly, why would he be so possessive?

It’s probably all just in my head. My phone light up with the texts I received a couple of minutes ago while I was still on the phone, and this time I physically cannot restrain the smile that comes through as I realize Yoongi is still texting me.

MYG: Really no pressure about the festival. I know Bong-cha really wants to see you, but please don’t feel like you have to come and hang out with us.

MYG: We’re not even that cool, anyways.

MYG: Are you just hanging out with Sebastian tonight??

I stare down at my phone for a moment, the smile being wiped from my face. Plopping down heavily on my bed, I close my eyes and power off my phone.

Yoongi is nice. So nice, apparently, that I can’t even tell now if he’s trying to get me to stay away. The fact is simple: he’s a nice man who has a reputation to uphold and is trying to keep everyone happy. That includes me.

He’s nice for texting me and trying to make sure I’m doing alright. Any decent human being would do that. But there’s also the fact that I’m new to this game in the spotlight and I know that I’m not going to be able to keep my feelings out of this.

I take a moment to breathe, forcing myself to push away the impending panic that sets in. This is no way to live, and I know that I’m only setting myself up for heartbreak when someday I don’t wake up to a good morning text from Yoongi.

It’s only been one day of communicating and I can already feel myself getting too attached.

Powering on my phone again, I flinch at the new texts.

9:17 MYG: Bong-cha just told me her evil plan. 😩 Did she tell you about it on the phone?

9:31 MYG: Sorry if you’re busy! Just text me back when you can. Let me know about your plans for the festival, too.

Even though I’m itching to text him back and waste away the rest of the night talking to him, there’s another more pressing matter I have to face. Quickly getting up and leaving my phone there in order to fight the temptation, I grab my room key and head a few rooms down. A quiet knock and a few seconds later and Sebastian is opening up his door.

He looks down at me warily, and I feel almost like we had a fight because of the way he’s looking at me. Emitting a loud sigh, he shakes it off and grins down at me in a way that makes me question if I even saw the previous expression at all.

“Hey,” I mumble out weakly. Moving past him into his room, he follows silently behind me.

“Hey…?”

Without another word I land face first onto his bed, the action pulling a laugh from him. Good. His laugh reminds me that this is real. This friendship is real, and Sebastian for all his annoying teasing, is a true friend.

Bong-cha is miles away and busy. She’s also biased. So Sebastian is the next best thing.

“I’m freaking out,” the pillow muffles my words but I know he hears me loud and clear. The mattress dips on one side as Sebastian settles onto it, and a moment later a hesitant hand begins kneading the flesh at my shoulders. I let out a satisfied sigh.

“What’s going on?” His tone is gentle, and the sound of it nearly tugs some tears out of my eyes.

“I’m pathetic, Sebastian.” I clutch his pillow and bury my face farther into it. “I’m so pathetic! I’ve literally never met the man before in my life, and I’ve spent the last 24 hours sending a few texts back and forth and I already feel like I’d jump off a cliff for him!”

Sebstian’s hands pause in their kneading for a fraction of a second before continuing on. “I told you you liked him.”

I turn to look at him, and again I catch that wary gaze before he drops it. “Really? ‘I told you so’? Rude. I need help, Sebastian. It’s never going to happen, he’s just being nice, and I just need to be cordial and get through this. Right?”

He nods, contemplating a bit. “Sure. He seems like a great guy. But at the end of the day, the two of you are just caught up in a weird media frenzy and that’s it. Is that what you want me to say?”

“I guess.” I huff, flipping onto my back as I stare up at the ceiling. “Why do I like him though? Am I just desperate?”

Sebastian stands up and laughs. “No way. If you were desperate you would be falling for me, not some inconvenient, crazy famous kpop star.”

Somehow his words make me laugh, the feeling easing the panic a bit. “You’re right, I guess.”

🌙

I end up passing out in Sebastian’s room only to wake up at 3 am and find myself a little too close for comfort to my co-star. Gently untangling myself from his mess of arms and legs, I sneak out of his room and back to my own.

Half-asleep and looking the part, I groan at my reflection in the mirror as I try to brush my teeth. Pointing at my reflection with my toothbrush, I give myself a pep talk.

“You are not pathetic,” pause to spit, “you’re not desperate,” rinse out the brush, “you’re just friendly. You’re practicing making new friends, and Yoongi as well as all of BTS are a part of that. That’s it.”

So when I finally settle down into my cold and very empty bed, I don’t feel very guilty sending Yoongi a late-night text. He never texted me again after the last one I saw, and I easily brush off the feeling of disappointment and replace it with relief.

3:13 ME: Yeah, we’re going. No, I have no idea what the evil plan is. Do we need to come up with a counter-plan? And sorry I never responded...I was busy annoying Sebastian and left my phone in my room. Good morning! This is payback for your late texts last night!

I fall asleep easily after that, double checking that my phone is on silent before snuggling deep down into my pillows.

Honestly, what do I even have to worry about? Everything is going great with promotions, the movie is finished and should be well received, and in a couple of days I’ll get to go see Bong-cha and make new friends!

Into the silence, I can’t help but laugh. I’m not dumb enough to believe that everything will go as planned.

Especially not as my dreams take over and the only thing I can dream of is a man in a black suit, turning around to greet me over and over again. I can never quite see his face, but somehow I know him.

Even in my unconscious state, I lie to myself and say that it’s not Min Yoongi.

Previous - Next

Taglist is open! Ready to head to Seoul next time?

taglist: @taylorroe3 @eusticenatalie @agustneeds @oceandeep​ @prdshobi​

[1zashreena1]

I Am Having a Sad -9

18+, m/f, technically OCxDiego Jimenez [Power]

Summary: Princess has a bad and lonely self-esteem day. Diego goes too far too fast from 2500 miles away and she calls her safeword for the first time in her life. 

WARNINGS: Ridiculous descriptions and ‘the code is more like guidelines’ outlook on grammar. Is it OOC if the character was given essentially zero development in canon???

FEELS. the L word, SAFEWORD, depression/anxiety, self-esteem issues, sensory processing issues, sel-expression difficulties, plus size woman+fit man, soft!Diego,  overwhelmed Princess, is a relationship happening?? apparently. Leftover high school Spanish.

A/N:  Princess took on a life of her own and has essentially become an OC. There are infrequent mentions of her description (specifically as plus size) and her actual name in later pieces (its Bicki). She started as self-insert so she looks like me (plus size, white, short, blue eyes, curly hair). If that is not your thing, I totally understand. And do not feel obligated to read this, I will not be offended!

I’m not a fan of “plot” so be aware that most of this series is just meandering through their relationship, angst-fluff-smut whiplash style. But with dick jokes.

TAGLIST: @chelsfic​​​​ @symbiont13​​​​ @nicke0115​​​​ @bunnykjm​​​​ @rosee-sensuelle​​​​ @girlpornparadise​​​​ @mandoplease​​​​ @heresathreebee​​​​ @xxsteph-enrixx​​​​ @jetiikad​​​​ @joalsglasses​​​​ @mutantcookiesecrets​​​​ @demoncatstone​​​​ @squidlywiddly87​​​​ @lockedoutofmyotherblog​​​ @poeedamerons​​

I am having a sad. This is normal and okay. I just have to wait it out. I do not need to text him. This pep talk would be more effective if you would stop staring longingly at the last selfie he sent you.

It isn't working. All you want right now is to be smothered in Diego but he is in a different time zone. And you don't want to be clingy. And demanding. And needy.

Surely making yesterday's selfie your new lock screen will help, right? 

With a big sigh you flop backwards into your bed. You eye your phone like it's a live grenade. It hasn't even been eight hours since the last text and. And you have this… pain? In your chest? What if I'm annoying him?

He has to be super busy, I should just wait. What time even is it in LA right now?

You snatch up the phone and check. 7:46 pm PDT. You wonder what he ate today. Did he have dinner yet? What shirt is he wearing? Does he have a headache? He always says he has a headache when he gets back to New York. And then you rub his head, stroke through his soft hair, stretch out his solid neck, break up all the adhesions in those broad shoulders.

Bitch, this is not helping. What do you hate about him?

Oh yeah, that list is blank.

You open up the text conversation and stare at the blinking cursor. Just one text can't hurt, right?

You look at the selfie again. He's in bed, deep plum sheet tucked up under his chin, all sleepy chocolate eyes and a soft little smile. His face is relaxed, leaning against his left hand. His beard is ruffled on one side, flattened on the other from where he must have slept on it. You can feel tears welling up again. 

How the fuck is he so gorgeous? Why is someone who looks like that sending me selfies? I have no right to this. I don't deserve this. 

You reach out and trace one finger down his cheek. His right dimple is visible under the stubble. Minimizing the picture, you go back to the cursor. The screen is blurry until you blink and one tear slips out. 

You type out one hasty 'hey' and hit send before you can quadruple guess yourself. This is stupid. He's too busy for your little drama queen hissy fit meltdown.

Sorry, should've asked if you're busy first 

Send.

Enough time passes that you flip the phone screen-down and plop it on your heaving chest. You bring both hands to your face and press into your closed eyelids. Just as you reach back down with a huge sigh the phone vibrates.

Princessssss. You know I'm never busy to you

You choke out a sob-laugh and try to breathe normally. Okay, now a decision. Idle chatter or metric fuckton of feels? While you waffle about it, Diego initiates a videocall. Oh, hell no. You jab 'Decline' so hard it bends your nail back.

What is wrong? Why can't I see you?

I just look like shit rn. Please don't 

That has never been true. Mi princesa bonita

Always quick with the compliments. You sniffle.

I just. I guess I just miss you. Tonight

Perfect, you hit send before could have deleted it. Great job. Wonderful. Brilliant. 

Is everything ok? This does not sound like sexytimes

Oh, Diego. 

Yeah, I'm fine. Mostly. I mean nothing is wrong, its just me

Just me having feels

… should you have sent that? Probably not. Do you regret it? Yes, instantly. In fact, if preemptive regret were possible you would already have drowned in it.

The phone is quiet for a minute. Good job dumbass, now he IS annoyed.

What kind? Sad feels? Headache feels? Work is stupid and frustrating feels? Huffy feels that require cheese? You have many feels. At all times. It sounds exhausting 

Yep. I'm annoying and clingy. You chastise yourself rather effectively.

You're right. Sorry. I got this

Does that sound bitchy? Is it bitchy? Oh my god, I need an off button.

Nonono. I asked. You have to answer. Its a rule

Your laugh is sharp. 

Since when do you care about rules lol

When they're your rules. We agreed to answer direct questions honestly, yes?

Well fuck. He got you there. You had agreed to that. When you two sat down in your living room after the Emotional Spanking*™ and had a 'groundframe setup' discussion. Sometimes you were fairly certain he mangled phrases just to watch your eye twitch violently. Little shit. 

OK fine. I'm feeling shitty about myself.  Happy??

Now that is bitchy. 

FORBIDDEN

And no, that does not please Diego

And is that why I exist? To please you??? 

Before you can stop it, your temper flares.

No Princess. The other way. Let me please you

Oh no. Oh shit. What. Is. Happening?? You are royally fucked now. This entire conversation has gone so completely off the rails that you can't even define a 'train'. Those little bouncing dots have not stopped yet.

Should I tell you how I miss you? How these stupid meetings and these stupid people and my stupid sister bore me when I would rather be listening to you read a dictionary? Or sing every word to every song ever played on the radio? Or explain the differences between cat breeds?

Or maybe I could say how ridiculously empty this bed is with only me in it. How there are no tiny socks hidden under the comforter. Not a single lip balm in sight.

Perhaps you need a list of everything I would touch. The soft lips. A little bitty hand. That tiny ribcage. Those thick thighs. With my beard, ofc. Your forehead with mine?

Oh. Ohh. Oh no. This is not fair. This is an attack. How did he just break me like this? Your face is flushed and you are crying outright now. You have to stop this right now.

Stop.stop please. Diego no

Diego yessss 

You can't take anymore. This isn't funny. You can't even form words. When autocorrect suggests the picture of a pineapple you stab it and then hit send in rapid succession.

Pinnaea🍍🍍

………………………...

Your phone emits one aborted ring then it cuts off.

Can I call? Please

You're trying to figure out a way to calm yourself, to stifle the heaving gasps and whiny sobs. You're nodding. Not useful, idiot, you scold yourself.

No video. Just talk. Please Princess

You can't say no to that when he is trying so hard. 

Ok yeah 

You barely see the message load on the screen when the ringing starts up again. Smacking the green button entirely too hard, you hold your breath to stop the pitiful sounds.

"Princess?" His voice is cautious, tone soft.

"I'm h-here." Is all you can manage. Any more and you'll burst into sobs again.

"Are you in bed?" Keeping it short and precise. Yes or no answers. Nothing too demanding. 

"Yeah. S-s-sitting." He is being so sweet. How is someone like Diego so sweet to you. Something rustles in the background. 

"What was it? A specific word? Or just too much?" His voice is hushed, like he might be in a small room…

"Are… are you in a c-c-closet?" Is he really…? You hold your breath.

"Si. Your closet is too small. I was going to send you a picture." He answers.

You absolutely cannot deal with this man. 

"Baby, I--" Your stupid soprano voice gives away how emotional you really are. He was going to send you a picture of a closet big enough for you to hide. Probably a panoramic shot so you could fully visualize it. Your chest compresses and you gasp.

"Princess? Talk. Make a noise. Something!" He sounds panicked. You suddenly remember he can't read your face this way. He can't see your pleased smile.

"That's. That's just. Diego, I love you so much." Its out before you can stop it. Even though you know he can't see it, you still hide your face.

"Love." He breathes softly into the phone. "Tell Diego what you need, my good little girl." His voice is quiet, controlled. He is letting you lead him where you want him. Everywhere. Forever.

You feel safe enough to actually confess, "I just have a, a really hard time believing… all of. That." You wave your hand in the air vaguely. "Not that you're lying!" You rush to clarify. "Just that anyone could actually like, well seems to, at least, everything…?"

"Did that make any sense?" You chew your lip anxiously.

His soft chuckle makes your stomach flip. "Well, it was technically English." Your snort sends him into quiet giggles.

"I like hearing you laugh." You whisper. He goes silent. You tense up.

"Perfect little princess. No one has ever told me that before. Most people are frightened of my laugh." He seems a little bewildered by his own words. Like he didn't mean for that to come out but now he definitely wants to hear the reaction.

You cover your smile, then pick up the phone so you can lie down. "Apparently I'm not most people." You feel around blindly until you locate TMP (Tiny Murder Panther) and tuck the stuffed animal under your chin for cuddles. "I like your voice, too. Like when you talk to me. Sometimes its just the words. Or rather my ingesting of them of that trips me up." Your quiet sniffle is hidden in silky black fur.

"The words are the problem? Do I need a, a…. The book with words that all mean the same thing." He bites out.

Sometimes you forget that English is his second language. Then things like this happen. And its fucking adorable.

"Thesaurus. Synonyms, baby." Your smile is audible.

"I know!" He huffs in mock indignation.

"I know you know. That's cute, though."

"So are your little 'aqui's and 'si's and 'ahora's."

"Fine! Gawd!" 

You both dissolve into laughter. It fades into easy silence while you rub your cheek over faux fur. 

He sighs gently into the phone. "Was it the forehead touching?" His voice trembles a bit, like he is unsure that he should have asked. As though afraid. A little overwhelmed, just like you.

"Um. Yes. Actually. That was. Yeah, that did it." You blink back tears. "We have a thing. We're a 'we'."

"That is what you want, yes?" Diego sounds cautious. As if he might accidentally utter an irreversible spell or something. Then, a quiet whisper, "It's what I want."

You suck in a deep breath and decide to just force it out. Just take what you desire. Jump already.

"I want you. I don't think a typical, um, relationship would work. But, people can define themselves. Relationships should operate the same way."

That… that actually sounded decisive and authoritative. Wow. You're really that bitch tonight, huh? You are very pleased with yourself. You can hear something sliding against the phone but can't identify the sound.

"There she is." The wide smile in his voice stabs directly into your heart. It was his beard rubbing the phone when he smiled. You laugh with his approval, pleasure burning through your veins.

"Maybe I can write some stuff down. For discussion purposes. Maybe you can write some stuff down for me. Reading it makes it seem more real to me."

"If that is your royal decree, Princess." He shuffles around, you can hear clothing rustling.

"Do you really like finding my orphan socks?" Your voice is sly, like a kid springing a trap question. He likes that smirky tone and you know it.

"They are cute. Just like the tiny feet. You are so very little, Princess." Oh, but he knows exactly how to flip the trap back onto you. The sound of muffled tapping comes through the line. "Tiny feet. Added to the list." His voice echoes the smallest bit, he must have you on speaker so he can access the note app. "Next item: fat ass."

You explode into guffaws. "Damnit Diego!" Your wheezing almost drowns out his husky laughter. 

"Wait! I almost forgot! Fan-tasss-tic. Rrrrack." He sounds out the words as he types them. You lose vocal control again, giggling like a child. Logically you know these juvenile jokes shouldn't be this amusing, but clearly you both have the same maturity level.

"Baby, you are my favorite pervert." Your declaration is met with haughtiness. 

"I had better be your only pervert, Princess." The possessive tone straightens your spine with shock. "You are mine!" He growls fiercely. 

Everything is quiet for a very long minute. You seem to have consumed every butterfly, hot sauce, and poprocks-and-cola mixture on the planet when you weren't paying attention. 

You think about all the gifts. Designer purses, specially tailored clothing, the six pairs of redbottoms you now own, how the last ring he gave you still twinkles up at you from your right hand (he took great pleasure in ensuring it fit your middle finger so you can still be pretty while you flip him off).

You remember all the places he has taken you. The Michelin starred restaurants, that hole-in-the-wall Mexican place where they know him by first name is your favorite, the stupid stores he wanders through with you, the cheesy tourist traps where he always gets you a hideously clichéd souvenir. 

Your memory flashes through a slide show of his laughter. Gleeful giggles at your horrified reaction to the neon orange lipstick he presented in Sephora. His wheezing delight when you gagged on the seaweed appetizer he shoveled into your mouth before you could object. The gentle, knowing chuckle when you pulled TMP out of your bag to take a nap two weekends ago.

You realize he is entirely correct.

"Yes I am, Diego." Is your quiet confirmation. 

"Bicki. I." He seems startled. You stay silent and let him gather his thoughts. The swallow is audible before he continues hesitantly, "I will see you this weekend, mi amor?"

All the ways this man says 'I love you' are so many more than just the actual words. Your pleased smile stretches your cheeks so far it hurts.

"Yes please!" Your shameless request ends in a yawn. "Sorry." 

"You need to sleep for work, Princess. I have one last meeting here then I will be there tomorrow." 

You wish he was here now but keep that to yourself. 

"OK, let me know when you're here." 

I am so not wearing panties under that new maxidress for the flight up and demanding that he pick me up personally. Yes. A perfect plan. You amuse even yourself with your scheming.

"Be careful tonight, Diego. I want you to come home to me." The thought of anything happening to him crushes your throat.

"I, I want that, too. Love you." All comes tumbling out of him in a rushed confession of quiet hopefulness. It makes you so happy that tears well up again. Fucking stop this, woman.

"Love you. Bye, baby." You whisper warmly, hoping he can feel even an ounce of how deliriously happy he makes you.

"Goodnight, Princess." The reply is sighed, full of self-conscious relief and pleasure. His rough voice is so calm and soothing that you nod off before the line disconnects, face tucked into his miniature proxy.

…………………………...

Incoming text

Friday 12:09am

From: Murder Panther

🥰💋💟💯🔜

[mingjue]

another sangcheng cuddling bit :) set in early nights, but this wont be in their version of it i think

(requested by @adhdgays )

------------

Arguing with his older brother was probably the most mentally draining thing Huaisang could go through. Both of them were stubborn. Both of them hated admitting they were wrong-- especially Mingjue, even if they knew they were wrong. Once they got a story or point they believed, they stuck with it even when proven wrong. It was annoying and tedious, but the one thing he could be thankful for was Mingjue refraining from yelling at him.

He’s gotten close though, if slamming the front door so hard it broke the metal frame said anything.

Nie Huaisang always took the bullet train straight to Lotus Pier right after these fights. Sometimes he would text Jiang Cheng to let him know he was coming-- sometimes he didn’t. He wanted to talk this time, because sitting in a train for two-ish hours being left to his thoughts wasn’t the best.

Jiang Cheng had been asleep when he texted him, so his reply came late. He didn’t mind. He actually felt a little bad waking him up so late. At the moment it was pretty much 1 am, anyways. But Jiang Cheng started texting him back, starting a small conversation. 

NHS: i’m gonna be there in about 15 mins i think JC: o i should.  come pickbu up then NHS: nonono i can walk bby NHS: u’re too sleepy :/ JC: nah JC: it windyas hel right now i don t wan u getting sick. NHS: u literally can’t type rn i’m walking. it’s a ten minute walk anywyas shut up JC: :(

Huaisang bit back a smile at that.

JC: if yu get sick in going to thro ubback to qinghe i caNNOT get sick NHS: i’m gonig to get you sick >:) JC: no. ffs

The smile finally broke through, and he covered his face with his hand instinctively. 

-

Nie Huaisang entered the home as quietly as he could, locking the front door once again behind him. After . . . Zixuan’s death, Jiang Yanli and her son was living with Jiang Cheng. He didn’t want to disturb them.

He took off his jacket and put it on one of the jacket hooks, kicking off his shoes at the step, but kept the bag he’d been holding-- he packed a bag intending to stay tonight, and tomorrow night. 

Not particularly being fond of how dark it was, he didn’t linger there for long. He made his way to the hallway of bedrooms and went straight to Jiang Cheng’s. Even if he didn’t need to, he knocked before opening it.

“Why should I not attempt to beat Mingjues ass right now,” He was greeted by a slurring voice coming from Jiang Cheng, who shut off his phone and tossed it to his nightstand.

“Because he’s probably twice your weight,” Huaisang hummed-- and suddenly tears pricked his eyes. He shut the bedroom door behind him, letting his bag fall to the floor before he walked over to the bed. He fell onto it beside Jiang Cheng, pulling the half asleep man into his arms to nuzzle the back of his neck, “It’s kinda my fault the argument happened anyways.”

Jiang Cheng hummed and settled against him, hands gently gripping his.

“What happened?”

“I . . .” His voice finally wavered, the guilt he felt when he first boarded the train hitting him immediately, “You know how he’s been having these like . . . breakdowns more frequently?”

“Yeah.”

“We were already arguing about that, right,” He hugged Jiang Cheng tighter, “And he was getting pissy about me wanting to talk about it in the first place, because Lan Huan’s been bothering him about it, but it all escalated--” He furrowed his brows and blinked at an attempt to hold back tears, “God-- basically I told him he’s acting like dad--” Jiang Cheng muttered a quiet, ‘oh damn’, “--and I was getting tired of dealing with him.”

Nie Huaisang flinched with a guilt-ridden sob and buried his face into Jiang Cheng’s neck. At that, he turned in Huaisangs arms to hold him in a tight hug, so his head was now at Jiang Cheng’s chest.

“. . . That,” Jiang Cheng paused, “You’re right to be annoyed with him, baby.”

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Huaisang cried, “Our dad was a piece of shit.”

“I know.”

“A-Cheng I made him cry.”

“Oh.”

They both stayed quiet for a moment. Huaisang nuzzled into Jiang Cheng’s chest while he slowly rubbed his back.

“Is he still at the house?” Jiang Cheng asked a few minutes later, gently kissing Huaisang on the top of his head.

“He left before I did.”

“And he isn’t on good terms with Lan Huan right now.”

“I don’t know.”

“Hm.” 

Both of the men flinched when there was a soft knock at the door.

“Yeah?” Jiang Cheng grunted, then the door silently opened.

“Are you alr-- oh!” It was Jiang Yanli. Nie Huaisang turned to look at her but immediately turned away again-- he was still crying, “I didn’t realize A-Sang was here, sorry.”

“No you’re fine, did we wake you?”

“A-Ling woke me first, but you’re fine,” She paused, “There’s leftover soup I can heat up for you two, if you need.”

“Shijie, it’s almost two AM.”

“I don’t mind.”

Huaisang sniffled and brought a hand to his face to rub at his eye, “Thank you, I don’t know if I can eat right now though.” Jiang Cheng hummed in agreement. 

“Alright,” She stepped out of the doorway, “Be sure to get sleep, okay? Goodnight.”

Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng said goodnight in unison as she shut the door. 

“. . . Your sister is so nice, A-Cheng,” Huaisang mumbled, “Mingjue would smother me in a hug before telling me to get over it, then never talk about it again.” Jiang Cheng scoffed in a laugh.

“At least he’d hug you.”

“Yeah,” He frowned, “. . . I hope he’s okay.”

“I’m sure he is,” Jiang Cheng backed away to look at him, “I don’t think anything could really fuck him up this late.” Huaisang hummed.

They were quiet for a little longer. Eventually, Nie Huaisang prodded him to turn back around so he could hug him from behind again, poking at his chest and belly to tease him as he did. 

Before he could really get settled though, he huffed upon realizing he left his phone in his jacket pocket.

“I need to go get my phone,” He said, “In case Mingjue texts me or something.”

“He can text my phone.”

“He’s not going to, you know that,” Again he sniffled before placing a kiss on Jiang Cheng’s neck, just below his jaw, “I’ll be right back.”

He went to grab his phone as quickly as he could so he could rush back to Jiang Cheng’s room. As he did, he unlocked his phone, and sure enough there were texts left by Mingjue, and surprisingly Lan Huan.

NMJ: where are yuo. NMJ: Sangsang. NMJ: are you at Wanyin’s. NMJ: if you are asleep text me when you wake up ok. NMJ: or call me. NMJ: im sorry.

LXC: Do you know where your brother is? I can’t get a hold of him. Sorry for texting you so late :( LXC: Never mind, he showed up at the hotel. I hope you’re doing okay! :(

Huaisang frowned. Mingjues were sent just a few minutes ago, but Lan Huans were sent almost 20 minutes ago. Entering Jiang Cheng’s bedroom once again, he went to text Mingjue.

NHS: i’m at jcs da-ge

“He texted you?”

“Yeah, him and Lan Huan.”

NMJ: good. NMJ: im with A-Huan right now. NMJ: lunch when you get back. ok NMJ: ? NHS: ok NMJ: ok. goodnight Sangsang. NHS: goodnight

Huaisang sat down on the bed, “I think he’s going to act like nothing happened.”

“Don’t let him,” Jiang Cheng grunted, “Obviously you two have shit to talk about.”

“Yeah,” He sighed deeply and turned off his phone, setting it next to Jiang Cheng’s, “He wants to go for lunch. I’ll talk with him about it then,” As he spoke he turned around and laid next to him, once again pulling him into his arms. He nuzzled him before pressing a few more kisses along his neck-- which made Jiang Cheng raise his shoulders at being tickled, “Can I stay tomorrow night?”

“You can stay as long as you want,” Jiang Cheng grabbed his hand, “It’s stupid coming from me of all people but don’t try and avoid talking to Mingjue.”

“You’ve always been a bit of a hypocrite A-Cheng.”

“Oh fuck off,” He chuckled. Huaisang leaned over and kissed him on the corner of his lips with a small smile.

[cncoh-damn]

Late Night Calls

Summary: As much as you love talking to the guys, late night calls with them isn’t always the best thing, especially when timezones are in the way.

Word count: 4,993

Tags: @richukisbb @quierick @mamacamacho @erickspretend1 @whymyeyeslikethat @zaddydejesus @zabdielsdimples @cncownerxcr7 @streamdecero @cncoxpmxvibes @marveloucnco

Wanna join the taglist? 

Ah, tests. No matter how good you were at school, there would never come a time when you’d look back on them with a smile. Of course, with this being the last year you’d have to take them (at least, until you decide to go to college), you just can’t afford to flunk a single one. Despite several protests from both your own squad and the boys, you promptly locked yourself in your room with nothing but several cans of Red Bull and one too many snacks that definitely didn’t count as dinner. Of course, you couldn’t really ignore the repeated knocking on your door (courtesy of Elodie, the twins, and Alex) nor could you ignore the buzzing of your phone, no doubt caused by the guys trying to convince you to take a break and actually eat something that didn’t come from a vending machine, so with a sigh, you get off your bed and unlock the door.

Unbeknownst to you, Alex stopped banging on the door roughly half an hour ago, and she’d been put on update duty; sending pictures and telling Zabdiel–who would then tell the others–how things were going on their end. Zabdiel did the same, although he still sent you messages every half hour or so. By the end of your five-hour study session, you swear there would be little grooves on your door from where one of the girls’ bracelets or rings hit. Checking your phone for the notifications, you’re mildly impressed to see the number of messages and missed calls you got, most of them from Erick and Chris. Probably something about your unhealthy habits, but really, you’re not about to listen to them; those two were sometimes worse than you after all.

And that’s how, ninety minutes later, you went back to your room after a somewhat excruciating–but delicious–dinner. As she came from a family that put a premium on academic achievement, Alex was the most sympathetic to your wanting to spend the rest of the night studying, though she was quick to tell you to not “study until you pass out” again. Slipping on a stolen hoodie (probably Christopher’s judging by how it wasn’t too baggy on you), you put on your studying playlist and get lost in your textbooks, a feat more difficult than it would seem.

The hours pass in a blur of flash cards, ink smudges, notes scrawled messily in the margins of a page, and several breaks for you to pop the knuckles of your hand when it feels like it’s about to cramp up from writing so much. By the time you finish, it’s already nearing eleven in the evening, and judging by the lack of noise from beyond your door, the others were already asleep or out. (E/c) eyes glance over the mess on your desk, papers and books and pens strewn around your laptop. You then glance over to the vanity-turned-extra-desk-space in front of your bed, brows furrowing at the mess. Not really the most ideal set-up, especially when everything you needed had to be within arm’s reach, but you could fix it later on. Or once your tests are over, something that seems more likely than the former.

Stretching your limbs, you let out a yawn before your eyes fall upon your phone, a notification light blinking to alert you of, well, unseen notifications. Placing your thumb over the home button for it to acknowledge your fingerprint, you rub your eyes with the other hand as your phone unlocks to show everything you’ve missed.

Thirty missed WhatsApp calls from the guys.

Several puns from Erick telling you to stay hydrated and take care of yourself.

Memes from both Chris and Erick that are related to the subjects you currently had.

Khan Academy videos from Zabdiel and Joel.

And finally, a group selfie from Richard, with all of them looking like kicked puppies. You have no idea who came up with the caption, but you were sure the dorks were trying to guilt you into studying and looking after your health. As much as you wanted to deny it, the fact that they all cared enough to spam your phone with messages telling you to take care of yourself warmed your heart. Needless to say, that picture gets saved to your gallery, where you’ll keep it to look at every time you needed a reminder to look after yourself it’ll stagnate and probably end up buried under the copious amount of memes and videos you save from your chats with the guys.

Noticing that your phone’s about to die–you both love and hate them for spamming it, because that meant your battery got drained quicker than it normally did–, you snag one of the many phone chargers on your bedside table, plugging it into the socket behind your table lamp and leaving it there. Next, you stretch some more before you pad over to your bathroom, fully intent on taking a shower before falling asleep. Hey, you might even get the chance to try out that new body wash you and Joel got from Lush the last time you hung out with him.

You step out of the bathroom twenty minutes later, shea butter-scented steam wafting into your room. Mental note to self, (Y/N): thank Joelito next time you see him, because shea butter smells so good. Plus it felt great on your skin, a bonus that usually came with the skincare products you bought. Yes, where most people bought skincare stuff for the sake of making their skin better, you buy the stuff because it smells good. After you wring out the excess water with a towel, you plonk down on the stool in front of the bathroom counter, a hairbrush in one hand and the hair dryer in another. Five minutes is all it takes for your hair to be just a little damp, and you set the dryer down to brush your hair until it’s no longer wet. Once that’s done, you brush your teeth and rush through the five step skin regime that Iana and Joel set up for you. Yeesh.

By the time your head hits the pillow, you don’t bother with anything aside from getting the blanket over your head as sleep claims you. Too bad you’re not getting the uninterrupted eight hours of sleep you wanted.

CYOA: Pick Your Boy

Christopher Velez:

maybe it wasn’t a good idea for you to set one of the most iconic songs in your music library as his ringtone

but really, Sk8r Boi was the song for him

YES IT’S BC HE’S AN ACTUAL SKATER

plus it was the first song you two ever jammed out to, so it’s got a special spot in your friendship

ANYWAY

as much as you love Avril Lavigne, you weren’t fond of waking up to the guitar riff you always played when you got your hands on an electric guitar

honestly you were tempted to let it go to voicemail because DAMN IT BRYANT, YOU WERE SLEEPY

but you figured that Chris wouldn’t call you at fuck knows what time in the morning if there wasn’t a reason

so you pick up, pulling the micro-USB connector from your phone’s charging port before pressing it into your ear, half your face smooshed into your pillow

“Nena!”

now normally the hyper ball known as Christopher Velez wouldn’t annoy you by simply saying one word, but… you were tired

so you grunt before speaking. 

“Hola, Chris.”

bear in mind you were rudely awakened by his ringtone playing, so you’re not in the best mood rn

but he deadass doesn’t pick up on it

so he’s babbling on and on, switching between Spanish and English way too quickly for your still-sleepy mind to comprehend

just as you’re about to yawn, he stops mid-sentence

“(Y/N)? Cuál es tu color favorito?”

you actually yawn while he’s asking, and it takes a second or so for you to realize he asked for your favorite color

“Uhh (f/c),” you say, yawning right after.

he doesn’t say much to you after, and you’re about to let the background noise from his end lull you to sleep

HA SIKE

just as you close your eyes, he makes this triumphant little noise that wakes you up again

and really, you don’t want to rain on his parade (even if he’s keeping you from your precious sleep), so you pull the phone away to let a tiny groan out

(Y/N) wants sleep

pero Christopher, el loco, just had to call you. smh

once you press the phone back to your ear, you barely just get the tail end of what he was saying

and really, you missed the guys (and Chris’ crazy laugh, but shh), but you needed sleep

so you yawn again before interrupting him

“Dude, I miss you and all, pero estoy cansado, chico.”

on one hand, he feels bad. but on the other, your sleepy voice is hella cute so… he has no regrets.

maybe a little guilt bc he knows you needed sleep to help with your test

so he’s all like “Ah, lo siento conejito. Go back to sleep, si? Just call me after your test!”

too bad you fell asleep in the middle of his apology lmao

he was waiting for a verbal response, but then he heard a snore

headass wanted to record it for blackmail purposes but nah

so he just hung up

gracias mucho, Christopher

(Y/N)’s circadian rhythm salutes you

also you called him as soon as school let out so you could tell him you did decent on the test

when you got it back, you sent him a picture. perfect score, hell yes.

lowkey you had to beg him not to post it on his IG. it’d be awkward af, plus it’d fuel some rumors that really wouldn’t be good for anyone

Richard Camacho:

okay, so you really had to set a punk rock song for this somewhat emo lil bish’s ringtone

but rn, you’re regretting it

no, Ronnie Radke, (Y/N) (L/N) doesn’t know why good girls go for bad guys now please shut it

it really suited Richuki tbh, what with him definitely pulling off the bad boy daddy dom look, but goddamnit it was loud

also Good Girls Bad Guys was the first Falling In Reverse song he ever listened to (courtesy of your emo phase that didn’t quite end, just turned lowkey) and he liked it

2012 (Y/N) is thrilled that 2018 (Y/N) has a friend who’s willing to listen to punk rock with her, even if said friend is a bit of a flirt

so he calls you around 4 am your time

you’re still a lil grumpy, but since you were in NREM 1, you woke up pretty easily

doesn’t mean you’re happy about it though

adios eight hours of uninterrupted sleep

but you figure this would happen sooner or later, especially since you and the guys have this sibling-like dynamic now

you pick up ofc, bc you’re already awake and you really don’t like sending any of your friends to voicemail

and he’s just surprised you picked up

there’s a little tremor in his voice and it makes you worry because you’ve never known his voice to not be even because of anything other than anger

or so you thought

now that he sounds upset, you’re a little more awake than before

“Que pasa?”

you usually switch between Spanish and English when talking to them, and it stays that way no matter how sleepy you are

there’s silence on his end for a while, and while it does make you worry more, it makes you a lot sleepier

you swear you’re about to fall asleep before he speaks up again

“No es nada. Just go back to sleep, okay?”

as tempted as you are to do just that, you’re not about to. bitchass had the guts to call you before dawn and make you worry before saying it was nothing? nuh-uh

you love sleep, but you love your friends (and your hobbies) more

“Don’t give me that bullshit Camacho.”

using his last name? he screwed up, and Richard knows it

he’s kinda quiet on the other end though, and you! don’t! like! it!

“Yashel? Richuki? C'mon man, what’s wrong?”

blame it on the fact that it’s like 4 am, that’s the only reason you’re being a softie rn

“It’s nothing. Sorry for waking you.” And then headass fucking hangs up

much to your chagrin

THE AUDACITY

he calls you before the asscrack of dawn, makes you worry, then decides that it’s nothing before hanging up on you? R U D E 

like, screw the fact that you only had four or so hours of sleep, something was up with Richard and you’re determined to find out what

so, against your better judgement, you call him

he picks up bc headass didn’t set a different ringtone for you even if you’re friends hmph

“What happened?” literally no hesitation or beating around the bush here; if something was wrong, then you sure as hell wanted to know about it, especially since he called you

“It’s nothing (Y/N). You have a test tomorrow, just go sleep.” and then he hangs up on you AGAIN

by this point you’re cranky and mildly insulted, so you plug your phone back in to charge before you go back to sleep

you didn’t wake up in the best mood that day, ngl

lil bit snappy, kinda sassier than usual

basically your mood was like Joel’s every time he was on Twitter

the bad mood followed you all the way through your test, and it was pretty obvious from how tightly you were holding onto your pen

after school, though, you call him again and hope he doesn’t hang up on you

“Wanna tell me what’s wrong now?”

“Am I a good dad?”

oof this was not something you were prepared for

“The hell are you talking about? You’re a better dad than most are, man.”

as it turns out, he misses Aaliyah and worries that he’s not doing the best he can as a father

and you’re like “???” because the fact that he and Yocelyn are co-parenting means that he’s doing his best

especially given that he’s away on tours and doing promo stuff a lot

and he’s slowly spiraling into this really dark space and you! refuse! to! let! it! happen!

“Dude, listen to me. Yes you’re not around as much as you want to, and yes you may miss some parts of her life, but look at it this way: you’re making an effort to be part of her life, and that’s way more than I can say for most of the guys who accidentally knock up their girlfriend. So chill, okay?”

soft hours have been extended all bc Richuki doubted himself :((

by the end of the call, he’s feeling a lot better

“Gracias, nena.”

“De nada, dude. Next time though? Don’t call me sounding all upset and shit and then hang up.”

he laughed at that, but then apologized, so you’re not annoyed at him anymore

lowkey you’re considering changing his ringtone but… nah

Zabdiel de Jesus

if there was anyone of the guys you thought would know not to call you when you’re supposed to be asleep, it’d be Zabdiel

but nOPE

he called you probably thirty minutes after you fell asleep

and even if Britney Spears is a guilty pleasure, you don’t want to wake up to Womanizer blaring from your phone

sorry Elodie

but it’s blaring and you’re rudely awakened and now you’re sleepily squinting/glaring at the stupid thing as if it would make it stop. it doesn’t.

so now you’re picking it up because damn it, what the fuck could Zabdiel want?

you yawn as you accept the call, laying on your side so you don’t have to hold the phone to your ear

“Que?”

you didn’t expect to hear loud ass bass and what was probably a party on the other end

but you did

and now you’re trying to keep yourself from cussing at him. you two weren’t that close yet, and no way were you going to risk offending someone because they called you at lord knows what time in the morning.

so you take a page out of his book and take several breaths to calm yourself before repeating the question

“Cometí un error,” he groans, and you’re so tempted to just yeet your phone away because fucking hell, he’s drunk! or somewhat intoxicated.

either way, you are not in the right state of mind to speak to a drunk person

“¿Qué hiciste?“ It’s a struggle to not let the annoyance in your voice show, but you barely even manage to hide it. Thankfully, he’s too drunk to notice.

“I screwed up, (Y/N).” The way he says it is almost too pathetic and you sigh.

“Si, you said that. What happened?” There’s mumbling on his end and all you could make out is a name: Gwen. it takes a while before you piece it together, and you facepalm once the puzzle pieces slot together.

he was upset about his ex

his ex that, according to rumors, he cheated on

and then, for some reason, he figured you were the best person to talk to? okay, not the best person, but one of the first people he should call. 

you were not equipped for this. nuh-uh.

“Zabdi, that was a whole year ago. Hell, maybe even more.” Really, you wanted to ask why the fuck he was thinking about this now

it’s been a Y E A R

“I really liked her,” he continues slurring into the phone, and you muffle a groan with your hand. did befriending an entire boyband mean that you had to listen to them talk about their exes even if it’s been a year? even if they were probably the cause behind the breakup in the first place?

can you resign from being their friend now? (you say this despite knowing you wouldn’t go through with it. you love the dorks too much)

“Zab, you can’t do anything about it now.” You’re trying to be a nice and comforting voice of reason, you really are, but damn it the bass is too loud and you still have a test later in the day

you don’t know what’s happening on his end, but you think you hear something that sounds suspiciously like a sob

cue another eye roll

“Escúchame, Zabdiel. It’s in the past, si? Nothing you can do about it other than learn from your mistake and no lo hagas de nuevo. Lo tengo?”

there’s a bit of scuffling on the other end, and your brows furrow. the hell was happening?

you get an answer when Clara’s voice comes through, and you blink. huh, guess they were bringing him back to the hotel. or his room, who knows.

“Lo siento (Y/N), the rest of the guys thought he went off with a girl,” she explains, and you muffle a yawn.

“It’s okay, Clara. Just–”yawn, “Make sure he doesn’t puke or something. G’night.”

you hang up before she does, plugging your phone back in before you finally conk out again

during dinner that evening, you ask the girls how to deal with a friend who’s an emotional drunk, just so you’re prepared for the next time he calls you when intoxicated.

after that, you send him a few feel-good texts. mostly stuff that siblings would send each other, so you’re really living up to the familial nature your friendship has begun to take on

Joel Pimentel:

just so we’re clear, the only reason you call Joel more than any of the other guys is because he rarely checks his messages, groupchats or otherwise

that said, you’re surprised when, instead of the first of your alarms, The A Team plays from your phone

it’s weird that he’s the one calling you and not the other way around, but you shrug it off

at least he’s calling around the time of your first alarm

“What,” you deadpan into the phone

“When the fuck were you going to tell me you were at the Infinity War premiere.”

whatever it is you were expecting to hear, this ain’t it folks

“Uhh… never?”

and cue a cranky Joelito ranting about you getting to be there and not telling him so he could’ve tried to get tickets 

to which you needed to cut him off

“Bitch, my parents got tickets. Besides, my godfather invited us.”

“Who’s your godfather?”

and cue the silence

“I’m not allowed to say.”

“W H O .”

it goes from this to you deflecting the topic until you decide to bring up your test.

he knows you’re trying to change the topic, but he’s going along with it. he’s been there before.

you start spewing out random facts, both to keep his mind from going back to anything Marvel-related and so you can see how much you remembered from last night’s study session

for the most part, it works.

Joel’s listening to you talk about facts, and every now and then he’d interject with a question, to which you quickly launch into an explanation that spawns even more questions from him

and so you two talk through the next two alarms you set, with you explaining concepts that would probably (hopefully please please please) show up on the test later

“You think I’m going to pass?”

“Hey, if I understood that because you managed to explain it to me, I’m pretty sure you have nothing to worry about.”

“Yeah, unless it doesn’t show up on the test.”

“… Don’t jinx yourself.”

you two hang up around the same time, and you’re in a considerably good mood considering he called you to ask how you managed to be at the Infinity War premiere

also it’s shocking how you two didn’t sass each other much during it

come to think of it, what time was it there when he called?

meh, you’ll figure out later. right now, you have to get ready for school, and that uniform tie isn’t going to tie itself.

#privateschoollife

ANYWAY, you get to school and shit, breeze through most of your classes until last period

DUN DUN DUN

test time

you’re shaking with nerves bc the teacher for this one is notorious for giving college-level tests to his AP classes

and even if he’s been your teacher for the past three years, you’re still terrified of failing any of his tests

but one look at the questions had you breathing a sigh of relief.

those were the things you explained to Joelito! you were going to pass!

ngl, you nyoom through the multiple choice questions and double check your math for the ones that need calculations

once school lets out for the day, you find a nice, secluded area near the botanical garden (again, private school feels) so you could call Joel and tell him you’ve got a good chance of passing the test

but when he picks up he sounds groggy af

oh, how the tables have turned

but you’re sympathetic bc he needs to look pretty; his face is one of his main selling points after all

“Hi, sorry I woke you, but I think I’m definitely gonna pass. Thanks for a while ago, bye, love you dude! Get some more sleep!”

how you managed to say that in one breath, no one has any idea.

meanwhile Joel’s just staring at his phone in confusion before realizing you thanked him for helping you recall what you studied

you two didn’t acknowledge the “love you” that got dropped in that quick, minute-long call and you never will

later that night, he calls you again because he saw another picture of you at a Marvel premiere

and this time, you two sass each other until you fall asleep

sass buddies til the end of the line

unlike Steve and Bucky BC THE END OF THE LINE WAS APPARENTLY A CHANCE TO TIME TRAVEL

anyway

it’s back to your regular, sassy program with (Y/N) and Joel. except for when tests come along, especially midterms and finals.

you two have late night calls just for him to help you study

Erick Brian Colon:

after a bit of shifting around in your bed so you can comfortably nestle in your blankets, you finally drift off to sleep, dreaming of getting an Academy Award in the future

as you were about to accept said award, the dream gets shattered when the fucking Guachineo begins to play

along with the shattering of that dream (because damn it, it’s been a near constant goal since you were a kid) comes a rude awakening not even thirty minutes after you fell asleep

as much as you loved Erick (PLATONICALLY), you were going to throttle him, pretty eyes or not

at least, that was the plan until you hear his voice

who knew someone could sound so shaken up over the phone?

okay that was rude and insensitive af but you weren’t expecting this

he literally sounded like he was about to cry, and damn it, this was the baby! this was little bebito Erick on the phone sounding like he’s about to cry and you’re not going to hang up on him.

to be fair, you wouldn’t hang up on any of your friends, but least of all Erick.

so in the sleepy voice you swore never to let anyone but the rest of your squad hear, you yawn out a “Que pasa?”

he’s practically sniffling, and even if he doesn’t quite want you to hear him cry, you’re one of the first people he thought to call, especially since the guys were out at the club 

“Extraño a mi familia,” he admits, voice shaking and you just want to wrap the guy in a blanket and cuddle him.

sure you don’t really get homesick much since you don’t live far from your parents, but it’s a wholly different thing for Erick

for one thing, he has a tight bond with his family. for another, he was what, 14 or 15 when CNCO was formed. it was probably the first time he was away from them for a long period of time, and sometimes, it didn’t get easier to bear with the passage of time

“No llora, bebito.” You’re trying to comfort him and all but you’re not exactly the best person to go to when you need emotional support. Hell, you can barely support yourself emotionally.

which brings you to the question: why me

and why when you had a quiz the next day

but this was Erick. not only was he your fellow group baby, but he was little bebito as well

you’re not about to let him be upset like this, not when you could do something about it

one problem though: you have no idea what to do about it. nice.

thankfully, he keeps talking.

as it turns out, it’s not just homesickness he’s dealing with

it’s also the pressure he puts on himself to be as good as the rest of the guys are

to be as charming as Chris, as good of a dancer as Richard, as intellectual as Joel and Zabdiel

and suddenly, you get where he’s coming from. mostly

it’s like an inferiority complex, but also, not really

as the youngest, you two had the most to prove

you two had the most expectations ahead of you

so it’s natural that you’ll end up pressuring yourselves to meet and exceed those expectations

now you know what to do, BUT you don’t know what to say

“It’s okay to feel like that, bebito,” you start, sitting up and pulling your knees to your chest. “Pero you need to remember that you don’t have to be like them. Dejaste de competir con otros when you guys won La Banda. Now, the only competition you need to worry about is yourself, si?”

you really want to baby him, especially with how soft and watery his voice sounds over the phone, but you know he’s not going to like it

as the youngest, you two end up being babied by those who know you as a member of your respective groups

and it gets annoying after some time because you just want to be treated like an adult

so you’re not going to baby him completely

you kind of stick to a soft voice the whole time you two talk

and when you feel a yawn coming on, you muffle it with your hand bc you don’t want him to feel bad

it takes a while before you ask how he’s feeling

but when he says that he’s feeling better, you immediately feel relieved

not just bc this meant you’ll be able to sleep soon, but bc it meant he wasn’t as upset anymore

a crying and upset friend always made your heart sad, but a crying and upset Erick? you were half-tempted to book a flight to wherever they were and give him a hug, exam be damned

“Gracias mucho, nena.”

“You promise you’re okay now?”

“Si. Good night, (Y/N).”

Yawn. “Good night, bebito.”

so you go back to sleep, then wake up when your alarms go off

the school day passes by in a blur, but you’re hurrying to go home bc you wanted to check in on him via FaceTime

so you do, but he doesn’t pick up

instead you just leave him a message in his voicemail

hopefully he listens to it bc as his fellow group baby, he needed to know that you were gonna be there for him when he can’t share stuff with the other guys

literally though, he’s the only one to always bring out your soft side.

but at least you love the dork.

[xoxo-sandiego]

I can't sleep

A very beautiful boy is trying to sing me to sleep on YouTube but baby it's not working 😭

Anyway, might as well share some thoughts

So what's going through my mind

Well I just received a text from someone I never thought would text me(it's 2:36am) and I tried to be witty but these days I never know what my peers think and my side it's gold banter . I know I'm overthinking but it's been a personality trait. So I've been thinking about my sexual orientation, I'm straight as hell but I do see myself falling in love with a girl cause girls are so cool 😭 but my body says different, so yeah I'm hetero I guess

Anyway, the economy's really bad yeah. My country will not be spared by Rona and I have a lot of anxiety about that

Quarantine, that's been cool, I feel like I've changed so much and I feel like finally after all this, is when I can see if I've changed truly changed and I'm unsure if old insecure sad me will wave a middle finger at me like bitch you thought

Reason 4 why I can't sleep, fantasizing about falling in love, my brain is on overdrive with this shit. I read somewhere to think happy thoughts before you sleep and I tried but like my brain do be trying to give me the full experience and I can't sleep

so that's some bullshit

Oh I'm about to start my finals soon and I'm not panicking I feel okay like I can handle but also shitting myself. I'll just pray and hope for the best.

Umm, ps5 *chef's kiss*

Oh my laptop failed on me so I'm trying to hustle a new one and my parents look super stressed and I don't want to add on that but it's also an emergency cause of finals and shit and I don't know what to do honestly

Being first born is so hard honestly, like cause if it was my younger brother he'd have gotten the laptop a week ago

But I can't cause I'm thinking about expenses and the economy and I feel like such a burden

I wanna be a chef though

I feel like I'd put my heart on the table

Do you ever feel fake like you trying to change you but that's not and you don't like now you but you don't have any reason to not like you and it's been you and it is you and I don't know if the one I'm changing to will actually be yk

Identity crisis, I've had those since I was maybe 8 and I'm 20 now wtffff I'm 20 I can't stomach that shit

I'm at crossroads with listening to soceity

Am I being fake deep

Oh soceity, so I don't want to listen but everything I know or want to be is from soceity and the people I listen to say don't listen to soceity but they're kind of part of it and like I don't want to listen cause look at soceity it's beyond fucked

I want to create my own shit

But I don't know how

Anyway, astrology I don't want to believe it but I am your typical cancer very very emotional little bean and so much about cancers resonates with me but I'm very skeptical cause maybe anyone could relate idk idk

Is any of this real

I do kinda believe in law of attraction, the idea that if you keep thinking about sth your brain will begin to pin point those things around to enforce your thoughts and that's honestly legit

I don't like anyone rn and I haven't for a long time which is very weird for me. I keep seeing everywhere people talking about how you don't need anyone to complete you love yourself but there's a part of me that just has so much love and I just wanna pour it over some lucky lad

Umm I love GIFs there honestly so groundbreaking, spectacular queue lady gaga meme

Lol couldn't find it but yeah

My sleep schedule is fucked

I'm fucked

I do like myself

See I would never say all this to anyone in real life mainly cause I prefer to listen and also cause I feel annoying and no one would want to hear this shit from the ones I've met so far

I really like my family I have a nice family s/o to you guys

I love Tumblr too honestly I've never been as me as I have here or I'm I just telling myself that cause I wanna be "cool and edgy and quirky"

I really don't know what to do with myself

I study engineering maybe all this critical engineering will come in handy

Hmm, 03:13 am not tired at all

Umm so what do you do for fun

I watch YouTube it's not that great okay it kind of us and my brain manufacturers a bajilion reasons why I love it but constantly staring into this screen is not great and it's probably messing with my melatonin I think that's what it's called

Do this have word limits?

They're lots of mosquitoes and I'm red rn

What do I do?

I don't know who I am I keep praying for a sign or a dream okay not really

Lemme pray

Okay done

Now we wait

I regret kissing some people and the flashbacks be hitting when I'm trying to get my 8 hours in

Umm some by Steve Lacy is such a dreamy song also folklore is beautiful

Three twenty

My head hurts and

What's my life?

What's happening

I feel like I'm hanging on a log just drifting on a river and along the way there orang tree branches and I pick some and off on my merry way just gliding that seems way more peaceful than its un-metaphorical side maybe it is peaceful but I have no idea where I'm going

Does anyone really

So... how was dinner

I do think I have good banter 😂 honestly

Mmh I wanna sing for some reason

But I don't wanna make noise

Three twenty five

Posted a new song and the economy of scale is it not being received the same thing as much time as I thought about that 😂🤣 I was just clicking

What the hell is economy of scale

I should be asleep

I don't know whether I should read this or just read tomorrow

Just do whatever you wanna

Okay kinda sleepy good night

[badanimereviews]

summer 2019 anime sum-up

lmao i realized i never did this and posted the fall season b4 this.... oops

kimetsu no yaiba: tbh started out kinda meh. and now it’s turned into one of the new big shounens. i was not expecting that. nearing the end got rly good and i was rly looking forward to more episodes! tanjiro gets cooler and cooler! animation is rly nice (thanks ufotable) and the way tanjiro’s water is animated. like. aesthetic asf. it’s so good. i love black-haired emo dude and zenitsu (my spirit animal) and ofc nezuko she is adorable im c r y. side note: the hashira? i think they’re called? some of the ugliest fkn characters i’ve seen in ages like flame boy? stone boy? i HATE them. and the gem dude too like man get a new tattoo artist on god.... he needs it.,,,,,,and inosuke is so pretty it’s unfair

dr stone: ok man dr stone rly went off. tbh. i’ve always been a whore for chemistry since reading the flavia de luce series (btw, i want more books of) and watching this just tickles my noodle brain in a good way... who needs prozac when i get a shitton of serotonin from watching senku dick around....  (btw what is going on with what’s his face and the girl. yuzuriha????? i can’t remember. i love senku don’t get me wrong but i need their perspective too... bc i hate lion dude... so much.... dick....) again i will repeat that i am a whore for chemistry so i get oFF on this. backgrounds are amazing/ animation so nice n clean (most o the time lmao). i thought i would hate the black n white haired trickster boi and ms yellow ponytail and suika but no! dr stone is such a good show that they are now great, loveable characters. also i am senku and chrome’s whore so jfc. man, i love the explanations of all the chemistry shabang, but some things i think would be better if explained! like senku doing physical labour at the beginning- ex. making all those pots and building that shit by hisself. i know he weak af. yes he smart but like. construction? difficult. pottery? even for me the artist . difficult. and that shed of his was filled to the brim. HOW. anyways, i love this so much i am crying constantly

just realized i didnt need to write about dr stone. oh well. 

danmachi 2: wtf yo. haruhime is so pretty but not a fan of her personality! bell still cute af and still don’t rly like aiz! animation good as always, and my god i shit myself whenever the argonaut theme starts up bc that is ? one of the best pieces of non-sawano hiroyuki pieces i’ve ever heard? addicted to it. and the opening! love the dynamics, the brief ‘rain’ scenes like when mikoto slashes the raindrops and just her motion basically? as an animator that is what i aspire to accomplish because i just love that. tiny little scene. 

arifureta: this would have been so much better had they dragged out mc’s op-ifying process! made him suffer more! i explained this briefly in my ‘first thoughts’ post for this season, but story-wise and pacing-wise his power-up could have been so much more deserved and gratifying. think shield hero- loser suffers, gets angry, slowly builds up power in an epic payoff! would have been so epic too. and also if they’d made his gained powers less.... crazy nerfed. again: HE SHOULD HAVE SUFFERED MORE AND THIS WOULD HAVE MADE A BETTER SHOW. harem thoughts: yue- meh. sucky char honestly. shea- my fav girl, she is a great character don’t judge- sexy and love her personality and love her character design and love how much fanservice she gets lol. panty flash ftw. dragon girl- discount darkness honestly , tho nice design. and mermaid girl- yuck, annoying,  DO NOT like the ‘papa’ trope! (ahem sao.) it’s gross. also just fuck mc’s classmates honestly- paladin dude sucks ass, healer girl OOF that last episode ruined her, samurai girl is ok i guess. hate ai-sensei too like shut UPP annoying ass HOEEEEE (postscript: opening=very epic too)

kanata no astra: plot twist? check. trillion well-done plot twists? check. this was done very well. i am so happy. all those plot twists and turns would usually suck in any regular anime- but this was written with GODLIKE ability. thank you, lerche. legit, this was such an enjoyable ride, i eagerly awaited each new ep! typically i hate space-related stuff but like! survival stuff gets my goat.... like this was good- (tho maybe more technical-stuff in the survival theme would make it so cooler) what shocked me the most: (spoilers alert) didn’t end up hating quitterie or funi. (tho the puppet made me want to strangle smth) luca’s gender had rly confused me but i’d decided on him being a boy- so basically that reveal left me like WHOA. i died. did luca rly have to show emo boy their tity tho... kanata losing his arm gave me the yeeeks, charce being the traitor was made sO WELL into a surprise even tho i’d kinda already suspected him<- like that was just fucking amazing writing there. gj. and ares the princess! ok man! shocked! AND also the whole clone thing, just fucked me right up. up the ass. like there are probably more plot twist layers in this than a fkn ogre has.... anyway shrek aside, yun?’s character arc was very pleasing, i think that was done very well! and the ending made me UwU like BRO? goals tbh. yeah this is a hidden gem and is just so good, so well-written overall. 

cop craft: didn’t have high expectations. i am now,,, quite,,, shocked &,,, blown away. sweetheart this is a good fucking show. so why @ livechart.me DOES IT HAVE 7.40 STARS WHEN FKN ARIFURETA HAS 7.72. can someone explain this to me? i’m outraged. LIVID.  matoba and tilarna were amazing characters btw! loved their dynamic! briefly i thought it might get romantic! nope, it didn’t, so it’s all good. actions scenes were epic, tilarna’s design and outfits were so much nicer than i thought they’d be like. she is so cute. and the op- man, if that is not such a bopper vibe then idk what is. i could watch it forever. it deserves so much more than what it’s got rn.

naka no hito genome: (serious question: is this considered some sort of isekai?) genome gave me btooom vibes honestly but like- this is SO much better than btooom and most game/trap/ kinda shows. fkn BOP of an op, especially the sequence at the end with short clips of each character in action (nutt). paka-san was a good boy and he deserves irl merch. i fell in LOve with all the characters (bubble boy= hot, akatsuki= ok meh actually kinda boring, karin= hot and i want her to punch me, ruromori= beautiful 12/10 would let her stalk me, sleepy eyes boy= baby + dazai vibes and hot af, twin boy= also hot, onigasaki= hot and love him so much, and loli girl= her light grenades got annoying but nice char design) anyways yeah more of this would be epic. i wanna see sakura and her twin reunite, and how they get out basically! also animation quality was very good which is surprising considering it’s a silver link anime.

kono yo no hate de koi wo utau shoujo yu-no: i include the whole title bc this is a good anime. (also livechart.me why 7.27 stars i will fuck you up) only meh part of this is the return to earth from dela granto bc that was like a culture shock and honestly at that point i’d forgotten a lot about what had happened on earth and didn’t care as much. btw, f ayumi and f the other brown-haired oneesan. mio and kanna ftw. obvs i didn’t understand the sayless x takuya thing like dumbass horny teenager . why u gotta creampie the worst girl. u have mio. bruh. (tho mio x ‘oyabi!’ boy is a great ship) also, takuya’s mom? keiko-san? idk if you’ve noticed but that’s literally my name so yeah just glad to finally have some keiko representation. altogether goodass anime. the time travel/ rezero esque reset thing almost got me but this was done well. so no problems. both ops very good. first song was bae, second also bae (just realized it’s by konomi suzuki, one of my waifu idols, so yea nice) and ed2 also so pretty! also yu-no’s design was rly pretty, the outfit colours, and her pigtails rly suited her :)

granbelm: sorry this is the last one lol this was a long ass post! other than the fact i dont rly like mecha this was good.... action, CHARACTER designs aesthetic asf, honestly rly pretty ok. i liked the cast, very diverse and more depth than most shows of this ilk. op was nicely choreographed- especially the part where the girls’ faces are contorted by their gems, showing their magical girl side. nicely done. mangetsu didn’t end up being that bad a char, and honestly? suigetsu is best girl and deserved better. and the ending too- like, bro, that made me kinda sad. some off points: anna’s mom was a little unrealistic as a mom like woman- please learn to control your child, and, white-haired girl’s sister should have played a bigger part, based on how her parts in the opening were emphasized! (quick note- blue girl, love her, great bad guy, when she dumped anna made me so happy honestly, she is beautiful, and i couldn’t actually decide who i wanted to win between her and suigetsu....)

hope u enjoyed this bad review. pls share ur opinions w/ me on some of of these more controversial shows. thank. 

[badweatherbiologist]

big ass trigger warning: i dissociate half way through this text, it’s about sociopaths and manipulation

i don’t even know how i got to this point. i was just thinking of how much i hated sociopaths - yes, it’s that time of the year, it’s almost november and I stumbled upon an aspd forum.

 I haven’t been this tilted in forever, then it got me thinking, you know.

the traits I've observed in sociopaths are:

antisocial and lacking empathy

   conniving, manipulative, deceitful, and dishonest

   control freaks

   charming and smooth and use those social skills to get their way.

rule-breakers and risk-takers and commonly have repeated clashes with the law and thus a criminal record

will copy behavior of neurotypical/empathic people to not seem bad

and like, the more i think of it, the more i realise i’m partially like this too. i want to be in control of things. i am dishonest and manipulative for my own good, telling lies so that i can get myself out of situations i dislike. I've been told i’m very kind and funny to new people, but i wonder how far it really goes.

like till what point do i stay me

because i am capable of empathy, sure, i am capable to care for people’s feelings and care for their needs

but what if i like

taught myself all of that?

i know my grandmother managed

what if i’m doing the same thing?

they say ppl with aspd are incapable of love

and some days i wonder if i am too, because like

what does love feel like? i know that i want good things to happen to people in my family and my friends, and that i’d be upset if they didn’t, but what does love really feel like? because at this rate i just

like idk

what if all this time of me hating sociopaths

it’s that i hate them because i see myself in them? it’s that i hate them for being able to not give a fuck about someone’s emotions, whilst i want to do that, on particularly bad days like today. 

like i have always tried to help people, but most of the time it was for my own benefit, and i always hated people who would use others as stones to step on to get to a goal, simply because i don’t understand it. but what if this whole time I've been like that, too? just teaching myself not to do it because society thinks it’s bad?

a friend and i had a convo like this. about how we’d actually, genuinely be able to kill someone if we just “flipped the switch”. it’s a phenomenon i can’t really explain, but i think the talking about sociopaths triggered this dissociation right now. because i know that right now i feel cold, i feel empty, like a black pit inside, and i know that’s how sociopaths feel. and i know too, that if someone were to ask me something rn, I've learned to deal with these sort of things, so i could lie to them and they would never know. 

but if i were to look in the mirror right now, i know that i’d have those huge pupils again, the demon stare like i call it.

i don’t know, you know.

like i went onto that forum, and now i keep thinking of all the times i’m faking being nice

all the times people ask me for things and i deep down don’t give a fuck, but do it because i know it’ll make me feel better about myself, not even because they’ll feel better, but because i will. most of the time, it’s because i just want people to shut the fuck up for a moment. 

i don’t know. it’s like going onto that forum about sociopaths just triggers that mirror in me, that mirror’s everyone’s emotions and such. but if you mirror nothing, you get a void.

like i don’t know. i feel like i’m both sleepy and very awake at the same time, and my head is hurting a little. it might just be another episode.

it’s just like. i always thought of myself as a nice person, partially because i make myself do things for others because it’ll help them and i’ll feel good about myself, but what if being nice is something you don’t learn, but you just feel? just like love is something you just feel?

like, i don’t feel anything

not love

nothing atm

and i think i prefered myself last year

when i felt everything at once and it all went to shit

because this void is making me feel even more like

an alien

an outsider

than any fucking forum can

just

idk

like idk

i’m just thinking how i’m annoyed at these people, these sociopaths for existing

i know that’s radical

but they fucking hurt people like me so much, they hurt my feelings and they threaten me and anger me just by existing

and the thought i just had, that i could even be something similar to that? that made me dissociate so hard. because now that i write about what i feel, like the keys beneath my fingers, the floor beneath my feet, the texture of my pants and such, i feel “warmer”, less of a pit. like a fire started burning again, and all of a sudden i’m okay.

and now i get it, mo. now i get why you didn’t want me to talk about this that one time. i get it, because i’m the same. the more i get in contact with these morally inept, toxic people, the more i feel myself turn into one, just to cope.

and maybe that’s what happened all these years. maybe this is just a fall-back to a way of coping and facing the world. maybe my way of protecting myself is also retreating, especially when things trigger me. 

i don’t know. like i really don’t.

like i just keep thinking, what if all the people i hated for being arrogant, for not caring about other people’s feelings, for not considering me and what i needed weren’t actually bad people, but were just normal kids, and what if instead of them being the narcissists, i am?

would that even be possible?

wouldn’t i be fooling everyone? my two best friends, the two most emotional and empathic people i know, wouldn’t i be hurting them? my family, my old friends, everyone I've ever talked to

what if it wasn’t them

what if it wasn’t

and what if it’s me

i know i shouldn’t be thinking this

or even considering it as it’s really bad for my mental health and such

but in the words of my ex-best friend, maybe instead of blaming me, you should start and look at yourself, first.

(which was weird, considering i had literally just told her i thought i was the person at fault all the time, but ok, you can’t heal stupid)

anyway, i’m going to app my aunt about this. the more i think about it, the further away from myself i get. 

thankfully for me, though, ever since last year, i have regained feeling in my fingers. which is nice. took me a while. aunt had told me that  would probably be a cause of like my meds and also just the sensory overload in my head. 

but okay, a deep breath, and then i put an end to this text, because these disgusting emotionless words creep into my heart like they were branded on it, and i hate it.

clarification: i hate sociopaths, and everything they’ve done and do. and i get that it stems from trauma sometimes, and for those i would make an exception, if they weren’t just as bad as all the others. and if you’re a sociopath, don’t interact with me, i’ll block you right away and you can go feed off someone else’s misery

[team-free-squiggle]

Warmer In the Winter

Okay holy crap I didn’t know that this was a recommended blog for Polysanders fics... like ahh that’s amazing and it’s all thanks to you guys?? So seriously, thank you so much and I’m just a fangirling, giggly, happy mess rn which is amazing so thank you all so much.

Anyway, here’s a cute, fluffy Polysanders fic in honor of the fact that I’m in the middle of a heavy snowfall. 

Also, the title is named for Lindsey Stirling’s album, which I love (and yes I know it’s a Christmas album but she’s amazing).

Afterthoughts: That ending took forever, like wow... 

But I really just want to say thank you so much for reading this, you all are amazing, and thank you so much. See y’all soon, I hope!

~~

Summary: Winter fun with the Sanders Sides we all know and love!

Characters: Patton Sanders, Roman Sanders, Logan Sanders, and Virgil Sanders, (also dark sides are mentioned but literally for like a sentence or two, nothing much)

Pairing: Polysanders/LAMP, though there is a slight focus on analogical at a certain part

Warnings: none

~~

The thing that Logan woke up to was Virgil chasing a laughing Patton and Roman around the mindscape’s living room. The thing that he figured out had caused this somewhat annoying and yet amusing was Roman and Patton had been singing “Do You Want to Build A Snowman” from Frozen. They, stupidly, had sung it loudly enough to wake up their emo boyfriend. To be fair, they couldn’t help it. It was snowing outside, and there was a song about building a snowman from Disney. Logan would have laughed, but he was still tired and did not like being woken up.

Logan left the three emotional sides to go get himself some calming tea, but he remembered it was snowing and decided to make them all hot chocolate, with whipped cream and chocolate chips, instead. The three smelled the warm aroma, coming in and apologizing for waking him up. He laughed it off, happy that he and his boyfriends were doing okay. 

The four of them sat at their kitchen table, silently watching the gentle snow fall outside. They all observed the scenery, but each in different ways. 

Logan, for example, analyzed how the light from the sun reflected into his eyes to let him see the pale grays. He was fascinated at the snow itself, how each tiny dot was truly a different crystal that was never the same, but pretty in of itself.

Roman saw the swirls of the clouds that never failed to remind him of a tempest, and he loved the shades and colors. He was reminded of plays written in a time not quite forgotten, and he was reminded of just how much nature could truly inspire any artist.

Patton, too, saw the colors, and figured out what they reminded him of. The pale grey made him think of small, adorable kittens. The darker grays reminded him of Logan, the way that logic was mostly black and white but could still be brought into the realm of moral grays that Patton himself lived in. The whiteness was like Roman - blinding. Beautiful. Noticed. He smiled at that thought, knowing despite how much he loved the spotlight that Roman would never be too much or too bright. A sun, but a warm one. But there was one more person Patton was reminded of when he stared out the partially frosted window - Virgil. As Patton stared out the window, he noticed the little hints of blue in the sky, the small bits of grass poking through the soon-to-be-deep snow. That’s what reminded him of Virgil - seemingly covered up or ignored, but always fighting, even if it was from behind the scenes. Patton knew that as long as Virgil had their backs, everything would be okay, because he would never let anything bad happen to them.

Virgil simply had been enjoying the scene, how picturesque and calming it was to look at. Then he felt a flood of warmth in his heart, smiling as he turned to look at Patton. Sweet, sweet Patton, who was in a world of his own, thinking about the sky and Virgil didn’t know what. But Virgil was happy, that Patton was thinking about him in a way that made him feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. 

It wasn’t Roman or Patton who suggested that the four of them go outside. It wasn’t Virgil. Interestingly enough, it was Logan. He noticed how they all stared at the Great Outdoors, and made a decision once everyone was finished with their hot chocolate. Roman and Patton readily agreed, grabbing their coats and heading gaily out. 

Logan moved to follow, but stopped when he noticed Virgil still sitting down. He frowned, putting his hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “Are you alright, Verge?” Logan asked, concerned. Virgil nodded.

“I am, I’m just anxious.” He cracked a smile. “I’ve never actually seen snow before, that’s why I created it... I saw a picture and my curiosity spread out into it snowing outside. Pure instinct, I guess.” 

Logan smiled. He knew that Virgil had never liked the cold too much, and he knew that the other Sides only made it snow on Christmas Day, and only when Virgil wasn’t outside so he wouldn’t get anxious. But then a thought occurred to him.

“Wait, if you created it, why are you afraid of it?” Logan sat back down, now holding Virgil’s hand so that Virgil knew he wasn’t alone. 

“B-because, Logan... I’m still dark. Not as Dark as the others, but...” Logan flinched slightly at the mention of the Dark Sides. He knew how they had made Virgil feel, and couldn’t help but be angry at them for what they had done. 

“Virgil, you never were Dark like them. Believe me. You help protect Thomas, and all of us. And that’s my point: you heal. You help us. So, believe me when I tell you, your creation will not turn Dark. Your creation is beautiful, and look - there’s Patton and Roman! They’re happy and safe, and it’s because of something you did, Virgil! All on your own! And you said it yourself, it was out of instinct. If you can create something that holds that much of a symbol of purity and goodness, on instinct, no less - Virgil, my love, that is proof more than anything that you are never, ever going to be dark. Oh, and since I don’t say it often enough - I love you.” Logan smiled gently, gripping Virgil’s hand a little harder. He had meant every word he had said, and he knew that Virgil knew it too.

Virgil had felt love and hope and even a little bit of peace wash over him as he listened to his rational boyfriend’s words. He knew that Logan was right, and he kissed Logan in order to convey all of his feelings. Logan smiled at Virgil, who smiled right back, and they went outside (after grabbing the proper items like coats, of course). 

They joined Roman and Patton, who were in the middle of building a snowman. “Because Disney!” Roman had exclaimed, before dissolving into a happy, giggly, fanboying mess. The others smiled and slightly shook their heads at their dramatic boyfriend, helping him calm down a little before they finished the snowman. 

Virgil found that he could enjoy the cold, and Logan was proud of him for opening up about how he was feeling. Later, Logan would tell Roman and Patton what had transpired between himself and Virgil, but for now he watched happily as Virgil and Roman got into an all out snowball fight. Patton walked towards Logan, happily cuddling into him as they talked and laughed at their other two boyfriends. 

And that was it. Snow softly fell around them, an innocent and pure setting that made them all feel secure once they were there to experience it. They were all quite sleepy by the time they had dragged themselves inside (or, in Logan and Virgil’s case, had dragged themselves and Patton and Roman), so they went to Patton’s room. They saw new memories appear - pictures on the walls of the memories they had made together today, and they fell asleep just content to be with one another.

The snow continued to fall gently outside the window. Somewhere, a fireplace was roaring, and there was hot chocolate waiting to be made the next morning. And when everyone was fast asleep, and everything in the mindscape was still - that’s when it happened. 

A picture appeared over the gentle fire in the living room. It was one of the for of them with their snowman, holding hands and smiling at each other. When they discovered it, they wouldn’t know where it came from (considering this wasn’t Patton’s room), but they would end up leaving it up year round to always remind them that they truly did have one another. 

So as the snow falls gently to the ground, and as we are all lulled to a peaceful slumber by the sound of soft, gentle flames - picture happiness, and hope, and love. Just picture the peace, and the relaxation, and the feel of knowing that you are home - right where you ought to be.

~~

Tag List:

(Sanders Sides)

@astraastro

@madly-handsome

@amber1594

@lie-lie-birdy

@thebaagelboy

@justanotherpurplebutterfly

@ravenclawunicorn1

@ako1209

@funsizedgremlin

@princessbelix

@water13girl

@romanasanders

@deathshadowrules

@virgils-jacket

(All)

@birdybabybird

@awesomelissawho

[justkpopjokes]

#AU 1 with 정Hannie please? ♥️

Ft. Jeonghan

AU: Arranged Marriage (From this list)

A/N: This is different than my other arranged marriage AUs, because the “arranged marriage” part is…different…I hope you still like it! Also SORRY FOR DELAY WITH ALL THESE SCENARIOS BUT I FINALLY GOT HOME FROM MY TRIP AND MY PC MAKES EDITING EASIER THANK GOD

WARNING: DEPRESSION AND ATTEMPTED-SUICIDE

You and Jeonghan

Friends in middle school

You weren’t necessarily best friends at the time, but this incident brought you guys closer

First of all Jeonghan wants to be your close friend

He thinks you’re nice, but it’s kind of awkward for you to be together all the time

One day you were having a small chat during passing period

People in the hallway were teasing Jeonghan for liking you

He’s tired as usual he just wants to take a nap tho he just ignores them

Classic sleepy Hannie

Except you see it as an opportunity

So a lot of these people like you and have obvious (annoying) crushes on you

So you just say

“Yeah he’s nice to me, we’re getting married at 22 if we don’t get married to anyone else. He wouldn’t want to be on my bad side”

Yeah just nonchalantly bring up marriage

People are stunned

But you just drag a smirking Jeonghan to class

“So you’re my future spouse now?”

“I mean sure, lol it was a joke but why not?”

Chillest way to announce a marriage ;)

Now obviously since you guys are in middle school, most people don’t take it seriously but got what you meant, so the guys who liked you stopped being so nagging

Except your friend who was ready to get you both on a date but that’s not important

No but you guys promised she would help during the future ceremony so she is on this relationship too

But Jeonghan is kind of in the middle of his feelings

He’s happy he gets to spend time with you without being judged, but does he actually have a crush on you or does he just want to stay friends?

Like he wants to be friend zoned so he can find a better guy for you and like make you look good for only the best suitors

He's low-key that old stereotype of the gay friend

At some point people thought he actually was gay bc he was close with this other guy but he looks like he likes you

But anyways you guys keep this promise until senior year of highschool when you gained a boyfriend

No, it wasn’t Jeonghan, but Jeonghan’s friend who he introduced bc he thinks you go well together

Everyone is fine I am NOT FINE but the people from your middle school were asking “I thought you were set with Jeonghan?”

So after high school into college

Jeonghan is in a different college than you but you guys are still best friends, so you visit each other and 2 other friends+your boyfriend (one is that girl that ships you lol)

Now important detail your boyfriend is also in the same college as Jeonghan

Now one day, he has a late class/test and Jeonghan is sent to give you food and just tell you that he’s busy

But as you talk with Jeonghan, he keeps looking to your face and how pretty you look

Brushes it off for the most part

Fails miserably really

Except he feels an emptiness in his heart

It sounds cheesy but he feels like he missed a chance to be with you

But he wants you as his friend bc that’s what he likes about you

You’re caring towards your friends, and though you can Burn the Haters™ you always care for your 4 closest friends

That’s what he loves about you

Wait what did he say love or…

nEVeRmiNd

But at one point in your college life, rumors spread Jeonghan had a girlfriend out of college and was visiting her after school

Jeonghan definitely wasn’t with you, so maybe he finally found someone

Now you feel that same kind of empty

You love your boyfriend, but Jeonghan always had your heart, y'know?

You were going to approach him about it on the last day of that year of college, to see if the rumors were true

But on the last day…

Your boyfriend came to your dorm to tell you something urgent had happened

Now you were scared something had happened to Jeonghan bc he and Jeonghan were close

Wait a minute why do you care about Jeonghan more than your boyfriend…anYWAY

But nope™

Your boyfriend was asking to breakup

HONESTLY WTF MAN WHY NOW YOU PABO I’M SCREAMING AT MY OWN STORY RN

He still wanted to be friends but he was moving, and didn’t know how he could handle a long distance relationship

You wanted to try and handle the relationship, but this guy couldn’t take it

He was heartbroken himself tbh

You’re a depressed mess and ask him to leave

Only person who is available to comfort you right now?

Jeonghan.

This boi is ready to fight his friend, but you assure him through tears that it wasn’t really his fault (it is tho man you could’ve tried)

Jeonghan at this point

So close that he doesn’t care you look horrible and can’t do things

So for the rest of the year you just crash at his place

He’s trying hard to take care of the person that he got engaged to in his teens

Even after you come in good terms with you ex-boyfriend, Jeonghan still has to visit you to check up on you

One day he comes home and panics bc you’re coughing hysterically and turns out you had an overdose on pills for suicide

He had to call your friend who ships you to help get you to the hospital immediately

When your friend is outside discussing your condition and working out getting your family out to see you, Jeonghan sits silently next to you, holding your hand, asking why

“There’s no point in living anyway…I’m too depressed to care for myself, I don’t want to be a burden to you”

If you weren’t in a hospital bed he would be squeezing you to death

“Why this?! Why would you do this?!? What would I do without—What would our friend feel if she never got to go to the wedding of her best friends because her friend died?”

That’s what really hits you.

This guy agreed to marry you but you almost left him—no, you are slowly leaving him bc these pills are still in your system and your organs are slowly failing

When your parents visit later in the week, you’re still in bad condition

But one night, when everyone’s asleep including you, Jeonghan plants a warm kiss on your forehead and prays you get better

Miraculously, you start to pull through from your weak condition and your body starts up normally again!

IT’S THE ANGEL KISS MAN

You’re still stuck in the hospital but your family has to leave to go back home

They trust Jeonghan with your life (and kinda pressure him to make sure you’ll be taken care of)

Cue your parents just “JEONGHAN, MY FUTURE SON-IN-LAW, YOU BETTER TAKE CARE OF OUR BABY OK”

“BUT I HAVEN’T EVEN ASKED—”

“YOON JEONGHAN.”

Damn he loves you

And he finally tells you this

“Oh I know”

“What.”

“Kind of obvious. Also kisses”

“YoU wERe awAkE”

When you’re finally cleared from the hospital, Jeonghan makes you stay home and get lots of rest

Yea no he just sleeps so much but keeps you stuck in his arms you can’t escape bed

“Jeonghan. We’re going to miss lunch.”

He gets up lets you go bc you need to eat

What could go wrong when you’re with him?

Jeonghan makes sure you don’t feel uncomfortable or start crying again; he hates to see you cry

I mean on your 22nd birthday you break down in tears again

When Jeonghan gets on one knee and proposes to you

HECK YEAH MARRY YOUR FRIEND HE LOVES YOU GO MARRY THE ANGEL

Let me just say that your shipper friend is like the reason behind this relationship

And he proposed to you when you were all together

So when he’s putting the ring on your finger

You’re crying with your hand over your mouth in shock

The people at wherever place you are at (bc this guy is definitely making this public) are crying bc it’s so cute and sweet

Your friend is at the side crying bc her friends are *cough* finally getting married

And since it was a promise by 3 middle school kiddos

“Arranged”

You gotta love this guy who loves you lots

*me nervous if this will do good* I had to rewrite this twice and now I’m finally happy with how it turned out!!

[noheroes-allowed]

(edit: from 10-12am)

12/14 - 12/15, I keep having breakdowns and I definitely know why but at the same time I’m confused

also again, don’t read this lol I just wanna remember this in the future

so last night I was hanging out with Ally and Nana and I was having a lot of fun so I pushed back the meeting time by an hour but then he said he was gonna go out with his friends and wouldn’t be back for a few hours - I didn’t want him to go though bc I really wanted to see him plus I went all the way to the health center after my final to get supplies like they better be used - so I got kinda sad and started drinking with them

but it turned out to be really fun though like things happened like last time and I really wanted to dance and sing and I didn’t throw up which is always a plus

so I hung out with them for a long time and stayed up last night for him to get back to me when he’d be back and free, I got really sleepy at like 2 but he messaged me half an hour later

honestly I felt kinda upset though bc I always felt like he mattered more to me than I mattered to him, which is partly bc he’s my first everything and partly bc I think I feel /too/ much sometimes (always), and he didn’t seem that interested in me coming over

anyway I got there and he was super weird omg he was so hyper and talkative bc he was still drunk but it was really funny

like in the elevator he thought he lost his credit card and he kept saying he probably left it at the bar but it was in his back pocket the whole time, and then when we got to his place he got these nachos and ate them super quickly holy shit but he only ate half of the container BUT it was only for like 2 minutes that this was happening lol it was weirdddd, also he had like a little hop in his step or he would dance a little while walking idk it was funny

but I felt weird being normal around him while he was like that so I asked him for something to drink and I got buzzed (tbh who am I) and we fooled around

he said I gave the best —— he’s ever had

when I drink though, I have no filter and all my thoughts come out so when we were laying there I started saying how I felt, specifically how I wished I mattered more to him and how I wished he talked to me more and how we never do anything else and how I always ask first to see him, not the other way around, and how I want him to make me ——, and shit

he said I was special though and he does care about me, and we should do something else but I added that it’s too late now, and he does want to ask me first but I always beat him to it and it’s annoying that I do

I also said how cute he looked when I met him the first time

I asked him to sing and he sang some paper moon song but I didn’t like it so we switched to can’t help falling in love; we also talked about me making out with my friend and how he thought it was hot and she should come over sometime lol but he would focus on me

I woke up to him on the phone with a background investigator for his new job lol and the investigator wanted to meet up with him today but he didn’t go, he says apparently that he’s done some shit particularly hacking things that he shouldn’t have and he was stressed he wouldn’t be hired bc of the things he’s done

I distracted him

I was on my phone checking my grades and I got a 92 on my calc final!!!!!! and a 90.5 on my linear algebra final!!!!!! I’m so fucking happy I worked my ass off in calc especially!!!!! and tbh I kind of slacked on studying for my lin alg one but I pulled it off!!!! he was impressed hehe, he thinks I’m insanely smart which I don’t think is true I think I just work a lot to get where I want to be (I really really do and I don’t think people know and they just write it off as something inate and I hate that, give me the credit I deserve)

he told me how he used to try a lot freshman and sophomore year of high school but he didn’t junior and senior year but he did better then, and how he lowers teachers expectations in the beginning so doing what you’re actually supposed to do later is impressive to them

he made me quinoa which was so good I fucking love quinoa and he said he doesn’t know anyone else who likes it besides him and like same I don’t know anyone who likes it the way I do

we talked about the Friday before that when I made out with my friend and how we took off our shirts and I was wearing her bra and it was wild, and he asked what my friends thought of his pic (lol Vaani just liked to say he’s brown but he’s a cool one which is rare)

lol he also voice texted my mom and she was confused

we watched Aunty Donna and it’s always sunny clips and we talked about the associative property of multiplication for linear algebra and matrices

my friend thinks she’s a 7 when I think she’s a 9 and I was texting her about this and he said she’s probably a 6-6.5 and I got sad bc then I would be so much lower

he told me not to worry about it bc there are other things that factor into it

he said I was wilder and dirtier than he was freshman year, apparently his old friends are very conservative and believe the waiting until marriage thing which is interesting bc I don’t know many people who feel that way

he said he was tired and had a rough week bc he has seasonal depression and bc of the background check determining if he starts his career

I wish I told him I had (have? I don’t know what tense it should be bc it never goes away right?) depression quite recently but it’s weird to say out loud and even on here rn bc I feel like I don’t have the right to categorize or describe or legitimize how I felt the last two years as that when I was never truly diagnosed or anything sigh idk it’s just a problem I have like I don’t know if I can say I had/have depression and I’m rambling

we fell asleep and I had a dream we were at some park and we were on a ride that was like those weird mechanical character things that aren’t roller coaster you just sit and you go through the ride and watch things

anyway he jumped out of the ride but he didn’t get caught bc this other guy did it first and all the security were reprimanding that guy, and then the scene changed and we were gonna out to see some show but then he just wanted to stay in and we were just laying on the ground inside somewhere like it wasn’t his place or mine but my parents walked in and I freaked out so much even though we weren’t doing anything but there was alcohol around us I fucking woke myself up

we did things again

afterwards I got sad

we were talking about what I was saying last night, how I kept saying he mattered more to me than I did to him and he mostly said he didn’t pursue more bc he knew I was leaving

I told him I didn’t want to go and he asked if I meant today (lol he offered for me to stay while he works on his project with his friends and he’ll be back in a couple hours) or in general, it was both

I cried

he got a tissue and dabbed my face

I told him how I wanted to stay for multiple reasons, I didn’t want to start over at Cornell

he was really nice bc I kept saying I’m sorry (he kept asking what I was sorry for - I’m sorry for crying, I’m sorry you have to deal with me breaking down, I’m sorry I’m upset) for being like this (lbr he didn’t sign up for this lol) and he said it was good for me to talk it out instead of letting it fester and he really tried to console me like telling me I can still keep in contact with the people I met and how I’ll make new friends and have fun and such

I told him I’ll miss him bc he was my first everything and he said it’s better with the clean break and good terms instead of a long term relationship and bitter endings and bad memories, with us it’s just melancholy

he’s a really nice guy and I’ll miss him

he said I was always welcome back and could stay for a couple days at his place if I was on break

he kept asking if I’ll truly be okay after I stopped crying, it was so good and pure and sincere

I could’ve loved him

he makes me want to write again

we watched a Portal 2 video and he showed me his website and we went on each other’s Tinders

he saw how people asked for my number and asked if I ever met up with them, I told him I only met with 2 other guys and we were talking about it and he said he doesn’t get jealous (I do)

he told me to bring an overnight bag for Saturday

we ran into a security guard in the hallway and he asked if she always patrolled bc he never noticed and she said yeah all the time and he asked for what kinda things and she said for people having sex in the hallways and loud music and crazy college kids and fuck he’s so good at talking to people

there was a dog in the elevator

it snowed/hailed today and I didn’t even notice when we stepped outside lol, only when he threw snow at me

I tried to throw it back but it was hard to pick up and it melted in my hands but he had gloves on and kept doing it

it was fun

he’s really fun

we were talking about moving here as kids and English as a second language which is weird bc it’s technically the second language I learned but it’s my primary language and hm, he said he sometimes switches without noticing which wow I’ve never met anyone in real life who’s done that

we walked to the Atlantic building, it was cold and slippery

I’m tired, physically and emotionally

18, 20, 2-3, 9-10, 11-12, 14-15

I could have loved him

[masa-sky]

So my best friend (a girl) asked me to go to Bruno mars concert over the weekend. We are both 19 and we stayed in a hotel. She brought her friend so it was three of us in one small hotel room. We had drank n taking shots n all that till 2 in a morning, n we decided to watch movie on a projector as we all lie down on a bed. My best friend lie down in a middle n I was on her left side. We started watching as we kept drinking, her friend got sleepy so she left n slept on a couch bed in a same room. We were both drunk n as we were watching we started kissing. Tbh I kinda had a crush on her so I felt like it's the best day of my life. She kissed me back n we never stop. The only problem was she was my best friend's almost like brother, ex girlfriend. They broke up few month ago n he was technically her first guy she actually like of all guys he dated. She was dead hurt when she found out that he was cheating on her. So as I was kissing, I told her that I'm sorry. She said, don't be. I kept saying sorry but at some point I said something I shouldn't have. I told her that I love her. She said, she don't know. I hold her face with my both hands as we kissed n she wrapped her arm around my belly. As all can predict, we hooked up. On the next day, we weren't awkward but I couldn't stop thinking about her n my feeling got only stronger. I want her so bad. I know that I won't make the same mistake as my bro did. I mean, I knew I will never ever hurt her in any ways. I was obsessed, n addicted to her. On the second night we three were all drunk but we slept all together. Our hands n legs were crossing but still her friend won't know bout it. Next morning, her friend had to go for college visit so she left early. We were still sleeping together but after I took a shower n came back, she woke up. I wrapped my arm over her shoulder n started talking bout how I feel bout her. She couldn't answer it. I mean, I had a bad relationship ending last time too n it took me a year to completely not think bout my ex girlfriend. She's only been through few months. I should've been smart enough to understand what she's been dealing with. I should've been there for her as her best friend in stead of messing with her feelings. What confuses me the most is that when we had sex in he morning after we talked, we weren't drunk. I tried to kiss her she kissed me back already. I thought she wants me. I ask her, r u sure about this? Before we did. She said, I don't know. But she didn't stop. We didn't stop. I left the hotel in the afternoon cuz I had to go school, but she stayed one more night with her friend. On that night I called her cuz I simply miss her, she answered, she was drunk more than ever. Her friend told me that she's miserable n out of control. It wasn't hard to find out that as she was talking to me, she didn't make sense at all. I ruined her. I should've kept the feeling to myself so that things didn't get complicated. She said she can't answer my feeling, n she feels bad for it. She told me she couldn't believe I had a crush on her, n also worried that all of my bros will find out about us. I mean, I'm having migraine rn n school is getting me shit n I'm out of my mind, so I'm thinking if this feeling is real, it's worth going for her even that could result loss of my bros. yeah, I'm an asshole. I'm trash. I broke the only rule we bros had in our group; bros before hoes. Is that how serious I am about her? How addicted I am to her? Maybe. But by liking her it only make her feel bad not being able to answer me. You know, I just simply wanted her to be happy. N now I don't even know what I'm saying. I showed too much love towards her n now I hope she won't be annoyed n hope she won't hate me. God hates me in every fucking way. He doesn't do me any fucking favor. Why can't a life be simple? It doesn't have to be easy. I rather hit a harder road. But why so complicated? Why? I just simply wanted you. That's it. Being next to you just simply makes me the happiest guy in the world. Now that I'm next to you n you rnt happy n I'm the saddest guy.