#i do think that she wants control over people

[valenteal]

I know that the mha fandom kinda had to make up shit for Hawks because his backstory came out slowly but I really wish it hadn’t taken over. As far as I am aware the HPSC doesn’t torture him or have super strict control of his life anymore. Obviously they groomed him and trained him properly pretty brutally but I don’t think they’re unnecessarily cruel. They wouldn’t want to risk him turning against them and with how young they got him the don’t need to.

Hawks is Lady Nagant’s replacement, meaning all the people she would’ve been sent to assassinate he took care of. Corrupt heroes who needed to be silenced, political enemies, criminals with ideas to dangerous like the league and the mla, he was sent to kill them. Hawks is an assassin and a spy with a background reminiscent of Black Widow. That’s traumatizing enough and I wish I could find more fics that address that rather than him being overworked and pushed to be perfect to the point of mutilation.

Cause like— Hawks isn’t a perfect golden boy? Where did people get that idea? That would be like All Might or Best Jeanist. Hawks is super socially awkward and covers it up with bravado and ends up coming off as rude. In terms of social experience he’s at the same place as Shouto if he never went to UA. He has no idea what he’s doing, he’s just winging it and everyone ignores it because he flashes a pretty smile. He’s like completely tactless.

I don’t think the commission even intended for him to be so high ranking, he’s just too damn good at his job and too pretty for his own good. He was supposed to be an assassin and an infiltrator and being so high profile is not conducive to that.

Anyway those are my thoughts on Hawks, I love him and I love Dabihawks but god do I wish there weren’t so few fics that actually use their canon characterization, or as close as you can get with a Dabihawks fic since canonically they hate each other. But their like so perfect from a narrative standpoint, they could be each other’s perfect foil with all the parallels and similarities in their backstories!

[kaliforniahigh]

MEDUSA - Part One.

Crime boss Noah and stripper reader.

Had this idea in my head for a while and decided to bring it to life. Hope you like it! (I'm actually nervous posting this)

Warning: strip clubs, reader is a private dancer, guns.

You arrive at your workplace hours before it even opens. As you lock your car and walk to the back entrance reserved for staff only, you think about how you want to style your hair and do your makeup for the day.

Working at a luxury Gentleman's Club, or a Strip Club as many would call it, reserved only for a handful of powerful and rich people, had it's demands. The girls had to be all dolled up, wearing high end lingerie and clothes, hair and makeup impeccable. Bethany, the owner, said she wanted the man frozen in place as soon as they laid eyes on the women. Hence the name of the Club: Medusa.

You worked as a private dancer. Many girls like to work the stripping pole, and you had, for a few years, but some clients started to request you for private sessions, and now you worked with only that.

Some clients you know by name, the ones who are more comfortable revealing their identity, others only by their faces, but overall, you had a list of regulars and some others who came in every once in a while for some fun. Since they had to book the sessions in advance, you knew by the time you arrived the clients you had for the day.

As you're walking to the hair and makeup area to start getting ready, Ava, the manager and the person responsible of keeping up with schedules, hands you the list of clients for the day. As you look at the paper, you see only one name: Noah Sebastian.

She was about to walk away when you call out for her. "Ava, there is only one person on this list".

"Yes, he paid to book you for the night", she answers. "But it says here he requested a 20 minute dance?", you tell her, honestly not undertanding the situation.

"I don't know, he told us to not book anymore clients on you for the night, paid for the whole thing and then said he wanted a 20 minute dance. Men are weird, Y/N. Just go with it, and if he is a total creep, don't hesitate to call security if you feel even a little bit unconfortable, ok?". You nod, acknowledging her statement.

As you get ready, this man does not leave your mind. You're familiar with clients who come with a few requests. Some of them like a specific color of lingerie, or your hair done a specific way. But this has never happened to you. You guess you'll find out when the time comes. The dance is scheduled for 8pm.

As you wait, you chat with the girls and hear their stories of what has happened so far in their work shift. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Ava slipping into the room, you peek at your cellphone to check the time and you know she is here for you.

"Y/N, your client is waiting for you in your usual room". 8pm sharp, at least he is not one of those who keep you waiting. "I have already went over the rules, so you should be fine. But please, consider my earlier statement if you feel unsafe", she continues and you give her a reassuring squeeze on the arm to tell her you're going to be fine.

You adjust the robe and tie it around your body, put on your mask and grab you leather whip, just in case he tries anything funny, after all, not touching you is one of the rules and one you like to enforce if needed. The purpose of the dance is to have you in control, while they watch and admire. The mask is not mandatory, and many of the girls don't wear it, but you like to keep the air of mistery.

You tell yourself a few reassuring words before going into the room. As you twist the knob and open the door, your eyes fall on a figure sitting on the elegant, red chair across the room from you. He is wearing a suit and you can tell from the distance you're in, that his hair is dark and short, a couple of strands falling on his forehead.

You don't know what you expected, maybe an older man, in his fifties, with gray hair and a predatory gaze, but nothing prepared you for what you saw when you got closer. Your eyes made their way up, finally landing on his beautiful, dark, almond eyes, who were observing you with a striking look. His face gave nothing away, and you reminded yourself that you were here to do your job: dance for this man, who where the most attractive client you have ever had.

Walking over to the wall adjacent to where you were standing, your Louboutins clicking on the ground the only sound that could be heard in the room (besides your heart thumping in your chest, but you hoped he couldn't hear that), you mess with the cellphone plugged in to the stereo system. The Weeknd's voice singing Die For You started to play in the background. While you're at it, you set the timer for 20 minutes.

As you start to do your thing, you have half a mind to avoid eye contact, you really didn't need to stumble on your feet and fall face first on the floor in front of this man. But you discreetly look over to him, the sight making you falter in your movements.

He got himself comfortable on the chair, sliding a little bit lower, head thrown back so he is looking at you with hooded eyes. You observed his stance and noticed his legs spread open, just begging for you to sit on them.

You think to yourself that if this is a one timer client, you have to make the most of it, after all, this should be enjoyable for you too. So you make your way over to him, leaning in slightly to rest both of your hands on the back of the chair. You look at his lap, and his hands that are resting on the top of his thighs fall away to rest hanging on his sides.

You realize then that he wants you to sit on his lap. You look in his eyes and they ever so subtly dart over to your lips. Feeling emboldened by the act, you spread you legs to have them on his sides, and slowly lower yourself to sit on his thighs.

One of his hands travel up to undo the bow that is holding your robe together. You think to yourself that this is ok, he touched the bow, and not you. You let the robe slip and fall at his feet, leaving you only wearing your black, lacy lingerie. The same hand tries to grasp your thigh but you quickly swat it away with your leather whip.

You didn't think his eyes could get darker, but in that moment, you swear they did. You even dared to think he got turned on by the act. Suddently the room felt scorching hot, even with the minimal clothing you were wearing. You think he couldn't possibly be comfortable wearing a suit jacket. Your hands reach the lapels, slipping under to run your hands on his pristine white shirt underneath.

His back distances from the chair, a signal for you to take his jacket off, and you comply, letting it fall away on the floor along with your robe. Your eyes run over the expanse of his chest, covered by the shirt that is see through enough for you to notice that he is covered in tattoos. As your eyes travel lower, you notice something glisten in the waistband of his slacks. It takes you all of 2 seconds for your brain to register that he has a gun tucked in there.

Seeing guns in the vicinities of the club is not uncommon. Many guests like to walk around with armed security, and they're not shy to flaunt their bling around. But this one is so close to you, and you wonder why this Noah guy decided to come in here with one.

Before you have time to overthink, the timer goes off, signaling that your time with him is over. You get up from his lap, lean down to grab your robe from the floor, turning around to leave the room. You notice he doesn't move from his spot on the chair, and before you slip out, you look behind you and notice his eyes hold a softer gaze now. You feel like he is apologizing to you in some way, and suddenly you're not sure if you want him to be a one timer client or not.

[emberwritesinsight]

I got a comment on Autopilot and realized I haven't done nearly enough Kozueposting, so I'm just gonna dump most of my response here too:

When it comes to Kozue... obviously she sleeps around with boys at school specifically to upset Miki, and she's a victim of Akio, but I just get the feeling he isn't the first older man to take advantage of her. My read on her (and this is basically all headcanon) is that after the piano incident, the favoritism the Kaoru parents showed Miki became more intense. Since that incident also drove a wedge between the twins, Kozue was being neglected more than ever and just... lonely. She wanted to be loved, and to feel like she had some agency. So she went looking for the attention she wasn't getting at home in other places, and some adult man saw an opportunity to use her. Kozue either didn't understand or didn't want to accept that she'd been taken advantage of, and managed to convince herself that this- people, even grown adults, lusting after her- was a way she could exert some kind of control over her life.

I think Kozue sometimes enjoys sex, but by and large, it is not something she does for fun. She does it because for a moment, she can be the complete focus of someone else's attention, the center of a world that dissolves the minute clothes come back on, AND spite her brother for the way his idealization of her has harmed their relationship by rubbing her "impurity" in his face.

But it doesn't feel good. We see that she misses the Sunlit Garden too, that she wants to go back to her and Miki's old relationship- but they can't. And her new attitude of sex-as-agency unsettles Miki, whose coping mechanism of choice is to shut his eyes to all things "adult". There's also sexism at play here obviously, the idea that Kozue is "betraying" Miki's image of her.

Also, Kozue herself says Miki can't stand seeing her hurt or disgraced- which I take to mean that she knows on some level that this is bad for her. She also climbs out a window with little regard for her own safety once. I think Kozue has some definite self-harming tendencies- she hurts herself because she would rather be (in her mind) in controll of how she gets hurt. Sex is pain is agency is power.

It's... a really horrible way to look at sex, basically. She doesn't do it because she enjoys it, she does it because she feels it's her only source of power, and at this point it's second nature to her. She doesn't want to accept that allowing herself to be victimized is *not empowering her*, because that would mean that not only is the "purity" she secretly longs to return to gone, she traded it for nothing.

[didalexiabreakupwitholgayet]

i think, as much as people don’t want to admit it, that there have been changes in the rfef. i don’t think everything that’s happened is public information, but i think for patri and pina to declare themselves available, changes would’ve had to be made. it’s a long process for improvement. i think there’s a solid chance mapi will be back before the euros too, since i’m sure she’s been focused one recovery the past 6 months

so i think people need to realise that there are multiple layers of criticism of rfef. some of those still exist today and remain status quo whereas we have made progress on others. for example:

rfef is a corrupt organisation and routinely engages in mismanagement and nepotism - still true, no change

players are asking for the bare minimum in playing conditions and training standards - yes, we have made some progress

to truly appreciate what has happened (we have raised the standard from subterranean/basement levels to a bit higher 😅), you have to appreciate where we were, many of these just one year ago!:

abusive managers who routinely physically and emotionally harassed players (nacho quereda)

extreme control freak managers who made players keep their doors open, waited until late at night to speak with them, interrogated players about their whereabouts and would look in bags if they went shopping and generally created an atmosphere of hostility (jorge vilda)

training sessions that were done on artificial pitches and that were rote and did the same drills over and over and over again instead of developing the players

no chartered flights and most travel done by overnight bus. if flights were needed, then cheapest option selected included economy seats for long haul flights

no family reconciliation plan for players with children until last year (2023)

not enough staff to meet player needs (2023 was the first year that rfef hired a nutritionist! for the players)

so yes, progress has been made, but it absolutely needed to be made given the abusive and subpar conditions. and spain is damn lucky that we have a generational group of players who are carrying the load for this terrible federation in the meantime. we still have a long way to go.

so let's take this small victory but do not give up on the greater fight for futfem in spain. liga f is stagnating and rfef should not be given its flowers yet for doing literally the bare minimum.

[saphronethaleph]

The Convenience of Independent Subsystems

R2-D2 beeped, indignantly.

It was something he was quite good at.

If he was being fair, of course, he knew that nobody had actually intended for this to happen. Anakin – or Vader, he’d called himself now, but designations could change – had obviously intended to get back in the fighter and fly back to wherever the Emperor wanted him to go.

And Obi-Wan had clearly been quite distraught about the situation, so he simply hadn’t thought through how Anakin had arrived in the first place. While Padme was entirely incapacitated, so there wasn’t much hope of a good outcome there.

But still. R2 would have expected 3P0 to remember him, and that was a cause for indignant beeping.

He scanned the available frequencies, trying to work out where exactly he should go. Neither 3P0 nor Obi-Wan had been kind enough to notice him, so of course they hadn’t bothered to tell him where to go either, and while there was a hyperspace ring floating up there for him to use it would be pointless to take off without some idea of where to go.

R2 spun his dome around, as he pondered.

Maybe Naboo? Naboo was where he’d started out, and Jar Jar Binks was funny. That was definitely an option.

Or perhaps travelling to Tatooine would be better. C-3P0 was from Tatooine, and a bit of creative mayhem might just solve a few problems.

He’d have a much better idea of where to go if he knew where Padme, Obi-Wan and C-3P0 had gone, but he’d gone through that recently… though, then again, maybe he should take up flying around and doing deeds. Occasionally even good ones.

No, that wasn’t going to work. He was cross-linked into the starfighter systems, to the extent he could certainly operate all the individual controls, but most people weren’t happy with a droid as independent as he was. Especially after all the wars so far.

It would definitely require some thought.

Then something pinged up on his short range scanners, with a very interesting call sign.

“Luke,” Padme declared. “And this one is… Leia.”

She sighed. “I… thank you for being here, Obi-Wan.”

“You’re talking like you’re going to die,” Obi-Wan protested. “Don’t do that.”

“Ani was having dreams, about me dying,” Padme murmured.

“She’s very tired,” the Polis Massa medical droid reported. “She should make a recovery, though I will want to have stern words with her previous OB/GYN.”

Padme looked just guilty enough that Obi-Wan assumed there hadn’t been an OB/GYN, which was probably part of the problem.

Then C-3P0 ran in.

“Mistress Padme!” he said. “Jedi Master Obi-Wan, sir! I have picked up a message from R2-D2!”

“You have?” Obi-Wan asked. “Where… oh.”

His face fell. “He got left on Mustafar, didn’t he? Anakin must have got there somehow.”

“Quite correct, sir,” C-3P0 said. “At least, that he is still near Mustafar, though he has been using the hyperspace ring to broadcast to me. However, the main bulk of his message is relating to a different matter entirely.”

The protocol droid looked uncertain. “Would you be so kind as to elaborate what ‘scratch one Emperor’ means?”

Obi-Wan boggled for a moment.

“...can you confirm that?” he asked.

“I can certainly ask,” C-3P0 replied, holding up a comlink, then twittered into it in binary.

R2 beeped a reply.

“It seems a shuttle broadcasting the code Imperial One flew over to where Master Anakin was,” C-3P0 declared. “So R2 shot it down with Master Anakin’s fighter. It crashed into the lava and exploded.”

Obi-Wan glanced at Padme, who’d passed out after her stressful day.

“...well,” he said. “I think we may need to get R2-D2 a medal. Possibly another medal.”

He paused.

“Maybe a seat on the Jedi Council…”

[sunderwight]

Compelled by the knowledge of how little Alicent's kids actually know about dragon riding, due to not being taught anything by actual dragon riders.

Like, I figure the servants who look after the dragonpit are quite knowledgeable and have imparted all possible training they can to Viserys' younger kids. But the fact remains that none of those people have actually ridden or bonded with a dragon themselves, and their knowledge of what it entails is going to be steeped in the politics of what the Targaryens want outsiders to know.

Which is almost definitely not going to include the limitations like "yeah actually control is an illusion" and vital tidbits along those lines.

So despite the Greens having four dragon riders, it's not really surprising that they're hinging everything on Aemond and Vhagar. Vhagar is old and experienced enough that she just automatically does cool combat shit when put into the right context for it. We see this work against Aemond when he tries to terrorize Lucerys and of course Vhagar just straight up kills the target, and I imagine we're going to see this also work for/against Aemond as soon as he goes into battle, too, with Vhagar going all scorched earth on the targets. I doubt anyone on the Greens' side actually knows how little control Aemond has over his dragon. They probably all think their own personal difficulties in getting their dragons to do what they want are like, individual character flaws that no one else is experiencing.

[sequinsmile-x]

Battlement

She’d always worn her emotional control like a mask. A wall she’d built brick by brick throughout her childhood, reinforced every time someone didn’t love her like they should have, barbed wire strewn across any potential weaknesses, her wit and stubbornness the turrets to keep people away. It was a defence that very few people were allowed to see past, and even fewer could bypass it completely.

AKA Emily changes her mind about having visitors on the day she gives birth and Aaron faces the disappointed crowd for her.

-x-

Hi friends,

Not really sure where this one came from, but here is some soft hotchniss for you to start your week with <3

Please let me know what you think!

-x-

Words: 2.8k

Warnings: Mentions of labour (non-descriptive), hospitalisation

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

She was the happiest she’d ever been. 

She was the most exhausted and out of sorts she’d ever been too, but the tiny baby curled up against her chest was worth it all.

Issac Hotchner was less than four hours old and was already the centre of her, Aaron and Jack’s world. Jack had been obsessed with him when he came to visit just an hour ago, tears shining in his eyes as he held his little brother for the first time. It had been a quick visit, one Jessica had stayed out in the waiting room for, but Emily knew it would end up being one of her favourite memories. 

She winces as she shifts in the bed, the lower half of her body sore in a way she didn’t know was possible, but she smiles softly when she spots her husband jump into action out of the corner of her eye. 

“Are you okay? Do you need anything?” Aaron asks, his own exhaustion clear as he sits on the edge of her bed. 

“I’m fine, honey,” she assures him, “I had a baby a few hours ago. I’m going to be sore,” she looks down at the sleeping baby in her arms, “I feel weirdly more anxious when he’s asleep,” she admits, “At least when he’s awake I can try shoving my boob in his mouth.” 

“Well that has always been my favourite thing to do when I’m awake,” he quips and she glares at him, failing to suppress a smile as she shakes her head. He smiles and shifts even closer to her, his arm hooked around her shoulders, “You’re already an amazing mom, Em. That’s been true for a long time.”

There’s a gentle knock on the door before it opens, and the midwife, Jen, who’d been looking after them since yesterday pops her head around the door, “How is everyone doing in here?” 

“We’re good,” Emily says, looking down at her son, “I think he’s eaten a little since you last came in. It’s hard to tell.” 

Jen smiles as she steps into the room, “That’s normal, their stomachs are tiny at this stage,” she says, her smile getting wider as she gets closer, looking at Issac content and asleep in Emily’s arms, “And he seems happy enough,” she looks back up at Emily, “You’re doing a great job.” 

It feels ridiculous how happy the praise from a woman who had been a stranger just 48 hours ago makes her feel, but it swells in her chest, her cheeks warm with it as she looks at Aaron. 

“See,” he says, leaning in and kissing her temple, “I told you. You’re doing great.” 

He rarely compared the two women he’d been lucky enough to be married to, who he’d been lucky enough to be loved by and to love in return, but he couldn’t help but think of Haley the last few hours. Emily’s insecurity around how she was doing as a new mom was familiar, an echo of another life that felt so far away yet right here at the same time. He’d tried to fix it for Haley back then, a new parent himself, desperately trying to prove he wasn’t his own father, instead of just doing what she needed. It had led to disagreements he winced at when he looked back on them, made him want to shout at his past self and tell him to just shut up and ask what his wife wanted instead of trying to guess. He wasn’t going to make the same mistakes this time. He was going to let Emily lead and only push when he knew she needed him to. 

Emily’s smile shakes as she nods and briefly leans into his kiss before adjusting her hold on Issac as she turns back to Jen, “Do you need to take him for another test?” 

“No,” Jen says, “He’s all yours for now. I did come to say there’s a rather sizeable welcome party in the waiting room for Issac. Do you want me to let them come through?” 

Emily’s smile slips from her face, anxiety she didn’t understand washing over her, the waves of it so strong it pulls her under, making it difficult to breathe. She felt torn open in every possible way. Her labour had been long, pushing her to her limits as seconds felt like hours and hours felt like days. Eventually, after she’d burst into tears when he told her only 30 minutes had passed since she’d last asked, Aaron had stopped telling her the time. He’d simply told her she was doing great, something that hadn’t felt true at the time, and provided whatever physical and emotional support she needed.

The relief she’d felt when she felt her son slip into the world, his cries filling the room only a second later, was unlike else she’d ever experienced. The second he’d been laid on her chest she was overcome with love for him. It spilled out of her onto her cheeks, burning tracks against her skin she was sure would never fade, as she laid a shaky hand on his back. Her trembling breath skipping across Aaron’s face as he kissed her forehead, his empathic love pressed against her skin as he looked back and forth between her and their son, his hand resting over hers on the newborn’s back. 

She wants to share Issac with the world. To show him off and feel pride when people tell her how beautiful he is, but she isn’t sure she’s ready, her every nerve scraped raw, her normal defences torn down piece by piece until it was as if they’d never been there in the first place. She blows out a shaky breath and holds Issac impossibly closer, her hand firmer on his back as if someone was going to snatch him from her. Steal him away along with the sanctuary she’d found with him and Aaron in the last few hours, the relative peace she would have once thought impossible in a hospital room. 

“I…” she trails off, unsure what to say, unsure how to feel and she’s never been more in love with Aaron than she is when he wraps his arm around her shoulder as he talks to Jen. 

“Can we just have a couple of minutes?” He asks, and Jen nods, nothing but understanding in her smile, and he’s sure this is something she’s seen countless times.

“Of course,” she replies, unfazed, and she leaves the room quietly, letting the three of them return to the bubble they’d been in. 

Aaron turns just enough so he can look at Emily properly, “Em, sweetheart, what do you want to do?” 

She sniffs and shrugs, her lips pressed together as she tries, and fails, to stop them from trembling, “I don’t know,” she says, her eyes shining as she looks up at him, “I told them they could come. We agreed they could come after Jack did but…” 

“You don’t know if you’re ready yet,” he finishes for her, wordlessly reaching out and wiping tears from her cheeks, his touch soft and reassuring, his love pressing from his skin to hers. 

She nods, “I just…I can’t stop crying. And I’m so tired. And so sore,” she looks down at Issac, “And he’ll only latch on if we do skin to skin so I’m practically naked and I just feel so…exposed.” 

He knows her well enough to know that she was as worried about how emotional she was as much as anything else. She’d always worn her emotional control like a mask. A wall she’d built brick by brick throughout her childhood, reinforced every time someone didn’t love her like they should have, barbed wire strewn across any potential weaknesses, her wit and stubbornness the turrets to keep people away. It was a defence that very few people were allowed to see past, and even fewer could bypass it completely. It was a kind of trust that had to be earned, something she wouldn’t give away to just anyone, and it was nothing short of a privilege to be the person she trusted the most. The person she let see her like this - as defenceless as he’d ever known her to be. 

He squeezes her thigh and smiles encouragingly when she looks up at him, and he reaches out to tuck some of her hair behind her ear, not missing how she leans into the touch as if his touch and the weight of their son on her chest were the only thing keeping her going. He tells himself right then that he’d be her defences until she had her own again.

“Do you want me to send them away?” He asks, and her eyes go wide, her lips pressed together as she briefly shakes her head, ready to say it was fine, that she’d be okay, but he stops her, “Sweetheart, I mean it. I don’t care that they came all the way here, I don’t care that they might be pissed at me. Right now, I only care about you and Issac,” he assures her, his thumb tracing back and forth on her jaw, “Do you want me to send them away?” 

The repetition of his question eases the guilt that had started to build in her chest, his words as gentle as the swirling motion he was drawing on her skin. It pulls a nod out of her, a confirmation she hadn’t known she was going to give until she’d given it. 

“Yes,” she says, turning her head to kiss his palm, hoping beyond anything that it would say everything she couldn’t find the words for, “Yes please.”

Aaron smiles and leans in to kiss her, his lips stamping against hers and then her forehead before he leans in to kiss Issac, “I’ll be right back,” he says as he stands up, “You two wait there.” 

Emily scoffs, shaking her head lovingly at her husband, “As if I could get up right now without any help.” 

He turns as he reaches the door and winks at her, smiling when she sticks out her tongue, “I’ll be right back.”

He takes a moment when he steps out of the room. Stands in the hall and takes in a breath, slipping on the Hotch mask he knows he needs for the next few minutes, leaving Aaron the husband, the father, in the room with his wife and newborn. He smiles at Jen as he walks past the nurse's station and towards the waiting room. 

Everyone stands up all at once when they see him, excited chatter and questions overlapping each other in a way he knows would have overwhelmed his wife, making him even more relieved Emily had made the right decision. That she’d put herself first for once. 

“Can I hold him?” 

“How is she?”

“The picture you sent of the boys together was so cute.” 

He smiles, his hands clasped in front of him as he waits for them to stop, his eyes flicking from their faces to the ‘It’s a Boy’ balloons Penelope was holding.

“We really appreciate you coming,” he says, clearing his throat, “But Emily isn’t feeling up to visitors right now.” 

A mix of confusion and disappointment dances across their faces, eyebrows furrowing as the anticipation he’d walked in on fades away.

“She doesn’t want visitors?” Elizabeth asks, the first to break the silence as she crosses her arms over her chest, “She’s just decided this now?” 

He nods, “She has. She was in labour a long time, and it’s going to take her a couple of days to feel up to seeing people,” he says, his jaw set tight in a way that he hopes makes clear this isn’t up for discussion, “I’m sorry you came all the way out here, but it might be best until you wait until we’re home.” 

Penelope frowns, “But we brought balloons.” 

In any other circumstance, he’s sure it would have made him laugh. Her seriousness mixed in with such a ludicrous statement, but he swallows it back, not wanting to undermine what he was trying to do for his wife. 

“I can take them to her,” he offers, “And anything else you’ve brought. But no visitors.”

“Not even for a couple of minutes?” Derek asks and Aaron shakes his head, grateful when the other man relents, clearly having just chosen to push the boundaries only a little. 

“Well, can you at least bring the baby out here?” Elizabeth asks, “I’d like to meet my grandson.”

“No,” he says, raising his eyebrow at her, the closest he had ever come to challenging her, keen to keep his promise to his wife to not argue with her mother on today of all days, “I am not taking my son, who is only a few hours old, away from his mother.” 

She blows out a breath and nods, “Is she okay at least? This isn’t like Emily.”

“Well,” he says, his smile turning soft as he reaches out for his mother-in-law and squeezes her arm, “She’s never had a baby before, but she’s okay.” 

JJ steps forward, an understanding smile on her face as she puts herself between him and the rest of them, “Why don’t we all go get a drink? Wet the baby’s head,” she turns to Aaron, “And then when you’re home and ready we’ll come armed with enough casseroles to fill your freezer and excited to meet him.” 

“That would be great,” he says, smiling gratefully at her, something she shakes her head at, silently telling him it was fine. That she’d been there. 

“Come on,” Dave says, smiling at Aaron as he gets everyone else's attention, “I’ll even buy the first round.” 

“Fine,” Penelope says, pouting in a way he knows Emily would get a kick out of as she hands him the balloons, “Just give them both a kiss from me.”

“Of course,” he replies, “Thank you.” 

He watches as they go, his face twisting into a smile as he hears Spencer explain where the term ‘wet the baby’s head’ originated from, and he sighs in relief when they disappear into the elevator. He heads back to Emily’s room immediately, not wanting to be away from her and Issac any longer than necessary. When he walks back in, balloons first, she chuckles, her smile wide as he sets them down in the corner. 

“You look cute holding balloons,” she says, a spark in her smile that makes him laugh as he walks over to join them on the bed, “Were they okay?”

He kisses her and nods, “They were fine. In fact, I think the team may be about to take your mom to O’Shea’s to wet Issac’s head.”

She laughs, her head thrown back, none of the anxiety he’d seen earlier anywhere to be found, “Now that I would pay to see,” she rests her head on his shoulder, “Want to hold him for a bit?”

“Always.” 

She eases Issac into Aaron’s arms, and she doesn’t quite understand the ache she feels when her arms are empty. She decides to wrap them around one of Aaron’s arms, holding him close as she looks at their son, the three of them sitting there in contented silence. 

“Thank you,” she says eventually, resting her head on his shoulder, looking down at her baby who looked impossibly smaller in Aaron’s arms.

“For what?” Aaron asks, kissing the top of her head, catching the arch of her eyebrow as she tilts her head up to look at him.

“For loving me enough to piss off all of our friends,” she says, her lips curling into a smile, “And my mother.” 

He smiles and holds Issac to his chest with one hand, using the other to hook a finger under her chin, tilting her head further so he can kiss her. He pulls back just enough to speak, “You never have to thank me for loving you, Em,” he kisses her again, “It comes naturally. It would be like thanking me for breathing.” 

She chuckles and shakes her head, tears pressing at the back of her eyes again, “You are ridiculous,” she says, kissing him, only pulling back when she hears Issac cry out, his face screwed up in a frown as they look down at him, “Daddy is ridiculous, Zaccy,” she says, running her knuckle over her son’s petal soft skin, her tumultuous emotions washing over her again, “But we love him anyway.” 

He hears the crack in his wife’s voice and he passes the baby over to her, the soft smile of gratitude she gives him all the confirmation he needs that he’s done the right thing. He shifts them so he’s settled behind her on the bed, her back against his chest as he holds them both in embrace, his lips against her temple as he sighs contentedly. 

“And I love you both,” he says, adjusting the tiny hat on Issac’s head, “So much.” 

-x-

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[tan1shere]

Ellie x anxious reader !

A/n: hi my beautiful people, it's currently 3 am.. and I have work in a few hours but we won't talk about that 😍 got this little idea since I'm an overly anxious person. Mine always creeps up righttt when I'm about to sleep, if you're like me. I get you, and honestly I hope some of you are so I don't feel so alone. Or whether you get it any time of the day (ditto, I just get it worse at night.) This one's for you !! Anyways, enjoy :)

Masterlist

♤ Your anxiety came in all shapes, forms, and sizes. Any time, all day sometimes everyday. It's always going to be there, but you've tried to learn to control it. Buttt when that's not the case your loving girlfriend is always there to ease your pesky brain.

♤ It would always happen at night, when you'd get off to sleep, at first you kept silent. You didn't want to bother, nor be a nuisance towards Ellie, but one night she noticed something off about you.

- you were stalling, making up excuses of things you forgot to do that day.

"Shit, the laundry-"

"Bubba, you can always do it tomorrow. Come lay down with me sweetheart."

- her gentle tone soon got to you and you told her.

"What's gotten into you?"

- the look she gave you was pure worry, concerned for your frantic behavior. Then when you kept inhaling these breaths, making then end in slight sighs she just needed to get whatever it was out of you.

"M-my-"

- you shake your head, you felt so stupid, you begin to put your head on your hands, she pries them away so softly, getting you to look at her as she placed her soft fingers on your cheek.

"Talk to me. Please? It's hurting me knowing something is bothering you so much."

- you could tell she meant it. You always felt like no one did, feeling silly about your anxiety, as that's what others made you think. That you were just being dramatic. A baby. You let out another breath.

"I get really anxious, about heaps of things, to the point where my brain feels like its on fire and I can't focus on anything properly. It gets worse at night time, so I try to make myself tired, knowing that if I lay down wide awake my thoughts will scatter."

- she listens carefully to what you have to say, she was always such a good listener.

"Why didn't you tell me baby."

"I was scared you'd think I was pathetic.."

- your head lowers but she immediately stops that from happening. Her eyes on yours as she begins to speak in a soft tone.

"You, my girl. Are one of the most bravest woman I know. To have to deal with such a thing all the time is huge, and the fact that I've never even witnessed it shows how truly brave you are. Though I wish you told me sooner, its awful holding such things in."

- her hand never leaves your face stroking your cheek. You melt into her touch, her voice and presence making you sleepy. Maybe that's all you needed? Her?

"I love you, Els."

"I love you so much more angel."

♤ One technique she uses on you is the 5 things game. 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Which is always water that she gets for you.

- Youd just been having a panic attack, your emotions, your brain going mental. You felt like you couldn't breathe. When she heard something fall in the kitchen she came racing over to you. Your vision incredibly blury with a mixture of tears and whiteness from the light headedness.

"Hey hey, eyes on me."

- her voice was like silk, still in desperate need to calm you down.

"Come on baby."

- she would encourage you, moving your hand to her chest, trying to get you to calm down a tiny bit before she continued.

"5 things you can see."

- you'd take a second to respond not knowing if you could get words out, let alone forming a sentence.

"You.. *gulp* th- that glass.. that I just broke.."

- she didn't stop you rambling, the more words the better. She needed your mind far gone from any other thoughts.

"The counter, the sink. The early morning sky."

"Good good, 4 things you can feel. You got this mama."

- it'd keep going until you got to the last one, your brain was far from the original problem by then, but she needed you hydrated, knowing your mouth was also incredibly dry.

"Last but not least, one thing you can taste?"

- she grabs a fresh glass pouring water into it, giving it to you to drink. You take a good sip, letting it wet your mouth feeling so much more calm now.

"Water."

"That's my girl."

- she would always say that, making a smile spread across your face, you always felt so safe with her.

♤ Another one she will do on occasion is hold your hand gently, playing with your fingers and or rubbing small circles on your palm. Even when she holds your hand she will rub her thumb on the back of it. It distract you, calms you down. Especially if you're talking to someone, not only are you anxious but you're just genuinely awkward, so sometimes you freak out when talking to people. That's when she will grab it, letting you know she's there with you and there's nothing to worry about.

♤ yawning. You would always yawn when you felt short of breath, whenever you felt uneasy in your chest yawning seemed to help with that. Ellies noticed all your techniques over the years of being with you. Sometimes it made her feel like she couldn't help you in any way and it got to her, you'd assure her that you were fine but she knows that was far from the truth.

♤ so she studied your helping mechanisms, one was something hot on your chest, like a heating pack. It calmed you right down. Ellie even Googled some other things to try help. She once noticed after you had drunk a little bit that the type of alcohol seemed to make you sleepy.

- she was typing away at her computer when she came across something that said some alcohols can get you sleepy.

"Whatcha doin Els?"

- your soft voice was heard as you enter the room, her eyes meet yours.

"Just some research baby."

-she flashes you a smile, going to continue. You return the smile, going out the room to leave her be. As she continues to read articles, she found a home remedy to help with sleep, and anxiety. It was quite simple. Ellie came back downstairs and began to make it in a tiny bottle. She also read lavender was good for sleep, grabbing some oil of the scent from the cupboard, and putting a bit on the heating pack.

-you were in the living room, watching TV when she comes in super happy. Finally she could help you.

"What's this?"

"I made some things to help you sleep. These drops will help, put three on your tongue every night, and this heat pack. Which! Has some lavender oil rubbed into it."

- she ends her explanation off with a toothy smile, feeling so proud of herself. It only made you smile, feeling the secure feeling you'd always feel with her. She truly was your world.

:))

[rainbowdaisy13]

I think gaylors ovestate their importace and overstimate Taylor too much because is the only way to make sense of it all, like "we know the truth, we're the sane ones, we're important to her" "it's all gonna make sense when she comes out" "it's performative" "she's gonna shatter the closet" "she's planing something big, she's gonna expose the industry". I bet this time next year she's probably gonna have a different boyfriend and you will all be saying the same thing. I"m not even a swiftie or a hetlor but I just think is hard to feel simpathy for her situation at this point when she is completely in control of her career and what she chooses to do? The same she's always done when she was controlled by other people but ten times worse?!! I really hope it "pays off" for this side after years of abuse from her cult and of her setting gaylors up for hate every time.

I am the first to admit that the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results

Being a Kaylor/Gaylor by definition seems crazy but it’s only crazy if you hitch your wagon to any idea of a specific coming out plan or timeline because she has only gotten louder with her queer flagging over time. That hasn’t stopped, the Koincidences haven’t stopped, the songs about a secret long term end game love haven’t stopped

Honestly, my hope is that she comes out while I’m still alive because after all this time I selfishly want to see the finale, the grand reveal, to meet her at midnight, watch her step into daylight, see her shine while the ashes of the Lover house blow away

[luckylittlelesbian]

no crash timeline, simp loser shauna and mean rich girl lottie. pt.2

pt.1

It's Saturday afternoon when Shauna gets a notification on her computer. Her muscles are still a little sore from all the manual labour she had to do for Lottie on Friday, so they ache as she gets up from her bed and goes to sit at her desk.

She finds that she was added to a group with what seems to be basically everyone from her year. "Parents away! House party at 8pm." the message reads, followed by an address and "No RSVP needed just show up, and bring booze."

She disregards the message, knowing it clearly wasn't meant for her but by the time evening comes Shauna can't stop thinking about it. Curiosity gets the better of her.

She just wants to see.

See what a high school party is like. Just to experience this one thing before she graduates. She knows it'll be so crowded she won't even be noticed so she throws on a pair of jeans and a hoodie, and tells her parents she's going out with some friends.

She gets there just a little after eight, and the house is already so loud and crowded, it's a little hard to breathe. People don't notice her but they do shove and push her as everyone tries to move and dance through the small house. She pours some beer into a red cup and feels like she's in a movie.

She's so out of place, and it's not like she was expecting much, but the beer tastes even worse that she imagined, and the music is so loud.

Her time in the house is short, but she's sure she's seen enough. That'll do for the high school experience, she thinks. She holds the cup in her hand, not drinking another sip, as she begins walking towards the front door. But before she can fully step out someone calls her name, and before she can turn around the person is already grabbing her upper arm and turning her around themselves.

"What are you doing here?"

It's Lottie.

Oh. Shit. It's Lottie.

Shauna Panics. Capital P. Panics. Oh, God. "Nothing, I um-"

The torment Lottie could rain down on her for this would be unbearable. But before Shauna's worries can spiral out of control she notices that there's a bit of a sway to Lottie's stance, and her grip is still firm on Shauna's upper arm. Shauna wonders if she's holding onto her for support, wonders how much Lottie has already had to drink. She studies her and notices there's a smile on Lottie's face. It's unlike what she usually sees on her. Honestly, unlike anything she's seen ever.

There's that feeling again- Like she's about to fly or throw up, she can't tell which it'll be.

"Come, come. It's so loud in there." Lottie guides her out the front door, Shauna can't do anything but follow.

She's confused but she doesn't protest as Lottie guides her a way away from the house.

Shauna watches her lean against a tree and breathe in with her eyes closed. "Fresh air," she comments, and now that the noise of the party is farther from them, Shauna can hear the slur of Lottie's speech.

"Where are your friends?" Shauna asks awkwardly as she stands a few steps away from Lottie and the tree the girl is leaning against.

"I thought you were my friend," Lottie fake pouts, and Shauna learns that, even drunk, she's still capable of mocking and teasing and belittling. Before Shauna can say anything, Lottie points in the general direction of the house, "In there somewhere,"

"You still haven't answered my question," Lottie points out as she tries to stand up straight and take a step towards Shauna, but she loses balance and almost trips over, making herself giggle. Shauna feels way out of left field here.

"I was just leaving," Shauna finally answers the question honestly, fidgeting with the necklace she never takes off. A nervous habit.

Lottie rolls her eyes. "You're so boring," she slurs.

Shauna ignores her comment just like she ignored, or tried to ignore, every rude remark Lottie has ever thrown at her, especially since learning there's nothing she can do about it anyway.

"I'm going to get you some water," Shauna's information comes from movies and books, she hopes this will help sober Lottie up. She leaves before Lottie can say anything else and when she comes back Lottie is gone. Shauna just assumes she went back to her friends, and tries to ignore any part of her that might worry about her wellbeing.

She holds onto the plastic cup, now replaced by one filled with water instead, hoping she'll find a bin on her way to her car. Instead she finds Lottie.

She's sitting on the hood of Shauna's car, Shauna wonders if she's any less drunk yet. "Here," she passes her the cup, "For your… drunkness,"

Lottie looks at her with furrowed eyebrows. "I'm not drunk," she says almost as if she's offended. "I'm tipsy," she corrects before eyeing the cup now in her hand. "How do I know you didn't poison this?" She asks, matter-of-factly.

"Cause I didn't," Shauna has no other proof for her than that, but it seems to be enough for Lottie.

She stands awkwardly as Lottie slowly sips on the water she brought her and continues sitting on Shauna's car. The car she needs no one to be sitting on so she can go home.

Lottie gives her a look: why are you still here?

Shauna's trying to stay focused only on Lottie's face but even that isn't doing her any favours. She has glitter and stars scattered across her cheeks that twinkle under the street light. And she's wearing her hair down again. Shauna wonders if Lottie somehow figured out the effect she has on her when she styles it like this. Wonders if Lottie just lives to make Shauna's life harder, in any way she can. Because she looks like an angel right now and Shauna hates her for it. She hates that this is what she is thinking about the woman who has never acted like an angel a day in her life. Especially not to her.

God, and her outfit. Shauna thinks she'll have to go home and burn the jeans and hoodie she's wearing out of pure embarrassment and inadequacy. Lottie is wearing a sleeveless top that wraps around her so perfectly. Shauna can see her arms, her shoulders and her collarbones as her eyes trail lower. Her skirt leaves her legs on display and she's just so flawless it's giving Shauna insecurities she didn't even know existed. She might have to jump in the fire with her hoodie and jeans.

Lottie clears her throat. Shauna's eyes snap back up. She's ready for Lottie to slap her or shout at her or call her a freak. Or at least call her our for being a creep, but she just smirks. And Shauna thinks she might pass out. "This is your car, isn't it?" Lottie asks.

Shauna nods.

After a long drawn out moment of contemplation, "You should drive me home," Lottie says eventually.

It's not a question, or a suggestion, or a request. Shauna doesn't even have to answer. Lottie hops off the hood and this time manages to stay balanced as she walks over to the passenger's side.

Shauna takes the deepest breath she can manage before opening her door and getting into the car.

Lottie's whole body is turned in the seat so that it's facing her and Shauna thinks she might actually just die under the attention. She's dizzy will all the things her mind is conjuring up. All the things Lottie might do and all the things she wants Lottie to do.

"You need to put on your seat belt," Shauna finally speaks, glancing at Lottie so briefly it almost hurts her eyes from how fast they moved. Her hands then go to the steering wheel and her attention trains onto the dirt road in front of her, trying to ignore the presence next to her as much as she can manage.

"You're not going to start the car until I do?" Lottie questions, it's so obvious she hates being told what to do Shauna almost laughs, but she knows better than to, if she wants to survive the night.

"No," she says instead.

Lottie just continues staring.

"What?" Shauna finally manages to choke out as she turns to face her too.

"Nothing," Lottie says with a shrug, "I just never noticed how pretty you are." She adds casually as she readjusts in her seat and finally puts her seatbelt on.

Shauna's mouth hangs slightly agape. She can't help it. She thinks someone must have spiked her drink, cause what?? Her mind is reeling with all the possibilities of what could have possibly just happened. She must have misheard, she must have hallucinated, is Lottie talking about someone else? Who else? Shauna doesn't know but it definitely wasn't directed at her. Lottie saying something nice to Shauna? She's really fucking dizzy now.

"Can you drive?" Lottie grows impatient.

"Yeah- sorry," Shauna's pulled back to the present moment and the task at hand: Drive Lottie home, get home alive and take a very cold shower.

Is it bad to say Shauna has never been this focused on driving before?

Lottie is messing with the radio, complaining about a lack of "good music" in Shauna's car and laughing at some of the CDs she finds. But Shauna is looking at the road, gripping the wheel, and all she can hear is - I just never noticed how pretty you are.

"You're pretty too," she blurs out and immediately wants to swerve the car off the road or jump out of the door or something. Why the hell did she just say that?

"Thanks, loser." Lottie's reaction is no where near as extreme as she was expecting, even the little jab doesn't seem to be serious or mean-spirited. Shauna wonders if she died on her way to the party and everything that has happened in the last hour is some weird mix between heaven and hell.

Shauna parks in front of Lottie's house a few minutes later and can't help but admire the mansion-like building that Lottie calls home.

"How'd you like the party?" Lottie asks, surprising Shauna.

Shauna's assumption was that Lottie would get out of the car as soon as it stopped. She figured Lottie also feels as though she'll explode if they have to spend another second more in such close proximity. Sure, Shauna's reasons differ slightly from what Lottie's might be, but she figured they'd be there anyway. But, apparently not, since she's still in the car.

"It's not my thing," Shauna says as she drums her fingers against the steering wheel nervously and looks out of the window at Lottie's house, just so she doesn't have to look at Lottie.

"What is your thing?" There's that hint of arrogance that Lottie just can't seem to shake. A level of judgement in almost every word she has ever spoken at Shauna.

"Not parties." Shauna keeps her answers short, trying to keep from tripping over her words, stuttering or just making herself look like an idiot in general.

"You need to relax," Lottie says as she turns in her seat again, like she was before. With her legs folded underneath her, she faces Shauna fully and rests her cheek on the head rest. She looks at her intently, "I don't bite, you know?"

That makes Shauna laugh, or maybe it's more of a scoff. A bit of both. Lottie raises an eyebrow. "What's funny?"

"You did bite... before." Shauna recalls. "You bit me."

"Yeah, when I was like six." Lottie rolls her eyes.

"You were at least ten." Shauna counters.

"Whatever,"

Silence fills the car for a moment. "Can you look at me?" Lottie breaks it.

Shauna shakes her head defiantly, somewhat afraid. She's looking ahead at the road now. Her seatbelt still buckled, her hands in her lap.

"No?" Lottie questions, not Shauna's answer itself, but more whether Shauna is certain she wants to say no to her, "Is that your final answer?"

Shauna turns.

"Good." Lottie says firmly. It's so obvious she's always been given everything she wants. A part of Shauna wants to break that cycle, but then again she's only human.

"Have I ever told you I really like your eyes?" Lottie says as she watches the girl get lost in her thoughts again.

"You've haven't complimented me since I met you," Shauna reminds her, growing a little frustrated. "...until today."

"Right," Lottie kisses her teeth drawing out her words while she thinks of her next. "Well, I like them."

"Can you stop?" Shauna says, sounding almost breathless.

"Stop what?" Lottie smiles, and it isn't clear whether her innocence is just that.

"Whatever game you're playing." Shauna's heart can't help pounding in her chest, even as the sirens go off in her head.

Lottie sighs, as if preparing herself for whatever she's about to say. Shauna braces herself. "There's no game, Shauna," The way she says her name makes a shiver run down Shauna's spine. "There's no one around, why would I be playing games?"

"Hasn't stopped you before." It's past Shauna's bed time, that's why she's like this. That must be it, or maybe she's been possessed.

In over ten years, she has not stood up to Lottie. Not once has she talked back to her, or tried to fight back. It clearly surprises Lottie too.

She is visibly taken aback, she bites her lip as if holding back a snarky remark, "This is different,"

Shauna doesn't know how long a person stays drunk or tipsy for but she wonders if what's different is that Lottie isn't sober. She also wonders whether that makes what's being said right now more or less true.

"What's different?" Shauna slowly starts to feel her nerves crawl back, her short lived adrenaline over.

"Me," Lottie says, "I grew up,"

"Since yesterday?" Shauna questions, baffled by Lottie's strange explanation.

That makes Lottie laugh, and Shauna gets that feeling again, like she's about to jump out of an airplane, "Sure," Lottie shrugs. "I appreciate your help,"

"With the shed?" Shauna asks.

"Yeah and dropping me home," Lottie adds, "And waiting with me until the lights turn off," she looks behind Shauna towards the house. Shauna didn't put it all together until now. Lottie is waiting for her parents to go to bed before she goes in. "Oh," she lets slip.

It was always obvious, at least to Shauna, that Lottie's relationship with her parents was not the best. She finds it strange how much the two of them know about each other even though neither has ever shared anything with the other. But they notice things. Like the way Lottie noticed what car Shauna drives. Or where she sneaks off to during lunch. Lottie was the only one that noticed her at the party. And Shauna noticed that it was never Lottie's parents that picked her up from school. She noticed the way Lottie would always grow uncomfortable when things like mother's day or father's day were coming around. How she never enjoyed making those kinds of crafts back in elementary. How she would always destroy Shauna's.

It's weird, considering just how close they've been over the years, and yet somehow this is the longest civil interaction they've ever had.

"When do they usually go to sleep?" Shauna asks eventually.

"I don't know," Lottie admits, "Like eleven?"

Shauna looks at the time. 9:21PM.

"Your plan is to sit here with me for over an hour?" Shauna asks, trying to hide her shock. Lottie must really not have it good with her parents, if she'd rather be here with her.

"Why're you saying it like that?" Lottie's tone slips, more catty, this is something Shauna is used to, "You can't stand me that much?"

"You're the one who can't stand me," Shauna's voice gets lounder, just out of sheer astonishment, she feels like she's losing her mind.

"God, I hate how stupid you are," Lottie says before moving switching her position in the passenger seat. She sits kneeling now, and leaning across the centre console. Shauna watches her, intrigued but mostly confused, and a little on edge.

Shauna tenses when Lottie leans closer, reaches forward. She tsks when she notices Shauna's reaction to her touch as she cups her face. The flinch, Lottie acts like Shauna has no reason to react that way to her touch, like it hasn't been linked with pain all the way up to this moment.

She stares into Shauna's eyes, and to Shauna it feels like she's trying to see her soul and she just can't take it.

She closes them, almost comically. "Stop."

"Shauna," Lottie says, firm, like a warning. There's a frustration in her voice. Shauna doesn't open them. She keeps her eyes squeezed shut, her nose all scrunched up as she shakes her head.

The sensation of something lightly brushing against her lips startles her, she pulls back reflexively, her eyes open as confusion fills them.

Lottie shakes her head. "See," Lottie tries to pull her closer again, "So fucking dumb," she rests her arms on Shauna's shoulders, wrapping them around her and tangling her fingers with her hair to keep Shauna in place. "Let me."

Shauna's brain pretty much short-circuits as she stares at Lottie whose face is getting dangerously close to hers, she could count the flakes of glitter on her face.

It was her lips. That's what she felt against hers. Lottie tried to kiss her. And now she's…

Kissing her again. For real this time. Lottie Matthews is kissing her.

Shauna freezes in place, fighting the instinct to pull away. To verbalise all the questions filling her mind right now. To run away from all the potential consequence of this.

A tug at her hair brings her head back from the clouds. She finally registers the softness of Lottie's lips. She feels like she's going to pass out again, but before she does she manages to kiss her back. Lottie's kisses change once Shauna finally reciprocates, she grows hungrier, more desperate. Shauna has no idea what she's doing, how to kiss her, where to touch her, but she can't think about that right now cause Lottie is moving.

Without breaking apart she tries to straddle Shauna. But in the process she accidentally kicks and honks the horn of the car, which makes her giggle against Shauna's lips and finally break away to hide her face in her neck.

Shauna is sure now that she must have died. This is definitely the afterlife.

"Shhh," Lottie says pressing a finger to Shauna's lips as though it was Shauna that made the loud noise, before kissing down her neck.

Lottie is sitting in her lap and kissing her neck and Shauna's hand shake as she puts them on Lottie's lower back, she's so in her head.

She wants to see Lottie's face, ask her to kiss her again, but when she opens her eyes she- "Oh my god," she says but it's so panicked it makes Lottie pull away immediately.

"What?" she studies Shauna with worry.

"Your dad," Shauna's eyes dart out the window and towards the path to Lottie's front door.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Lottie panics now too and quickly climbs back into the passenger seat, hoping her father didn't see them.

He yanks the door open just a few seconds later. Shauna winces at the aggression, even though it's familiar. "Who thought it was clever to be honking in the middle of the night?" he questions angrily. Lottie stays quiet, and Shauna wants to say it's only like nine o'clock but she knows better than to.

At the lack of a response he speaks again. "Home! Now!" He says as he practically drags her out of the car.

Shauna watches with worry as Lottie walks behind her dad. That aura she has around her at school completely evaporated the moment her dad showed up. And no matter how much torment it might cause Shauna, it makes her feel strangely empty seeing Lottie without it.

To Shauna's surprise, Lottie acknowledges her one last time, looking at her blankly, just before she closes her front door.

Shauna's mind races and her hands still haven't stopped shaking when she starts the car up again. Ideally, she'd take a minute before driving but she knows she needs to go now, in case he decides to come back. She can't deal with another member of the Matthews family tonight.

[flippinpancakes64]

The Cullens at the Club

My requests are open if you have a silly scenario you want to see these fellers in!

Edward:

^ his face the whole time

jk jk

He only agreed to tag along so that he could keep you out of harm's way

Doesn't need to drink and doesn't want to

I feel like he would be silently judgemental if you have more than three drinks

He would hold your drinks while you go to the bathroom tho

His favorite part would be dancing with you

Of course he would prefer to do it somewhere that isn't so crowded...

But he makes do

Told himself beforehand that he wouldn't get into a fight with anyone

But if anyone were to touch you without you knowing...

He had to have a talk with Carlisle afterward about controlling anger around humans

8/10 club partner he would prefer to be home

Alice:

The BEST

She has some rave outfits she never gets to wear...

And one of them might happen to randomly be your size...

She's a little crazy I feel like she would love to let loose

They have to act human around humans all the time

But at the club?

No one there's gonna notice if you're ice cold, not blinking, not breathing, or if you look odd

They are there to party

And so is Alice

She thinks it's funny if you get drunk

She will take very good care of you but she will also take videos and pictures

I feel like she'd have a couple drinks just for the hell of it

Not like she would feel anything but she likes the color of the pretty drink <3

Another dance floor maniac

Literally tearing it up, cutting a rug, if you will

She has a blast

11/10 she's the life of the party

Jasper:

Hoe repellent

Mr freak over here is literally scaring the hoes

If anyone makes the mistake of bumping into him they are guaranteed to stay on the far side of the club for the rest of the night

Good thing you aren't here looking for someone because he is the opposite of a wingman

Poor guy is trying his damnedest not to freak out and kill someone

He only came with you because you begged that you really wanted him there

When he felt your fear at being in a club with men you don't know he agreed

He's lowkey (highkey) regretting it tho

The lights are too much, the music is too loud, there's too many people, the smell of blood is SO strong

If he was a human he would have passed out by now

Jumps at any opportunity to leave

You were dancing and stumbled a little?

Ok time to go home

A guy made eye contact with you for half a second?

That's enough, home time

Will need like 5-7 business days to recover

1/10 sorry

Rosalie:

She's not really into the club scene

She has always been more family-oriented after all

But she'll go just to hang out with you

Seeing all of the young couple is kind of bittersweet to her tho

It reminds her of what she can't have

She's a little mopey

But take her to the dance floor and she'll loosen up

I think her hidden talent is knowing literally every dance ever

She can break dance

Not that she would

But she could if she wanted to

She keeps it lowkey tho

She likes seeing you have fun

Is the perfect support when you're drunk and throwing up

Will hold your hair and get you water

She's a saint the day after if you got really drunk

7/10 sort of in the middle but extra points cause I think she's pretty <3

Emmett:

Oh lord

He was probably the one to suggest to go tbh

He gives me MAJOR frat boy energy

This man has taken his shirt off and jumped on a table to crowdsurf before you were even there for 10 minutes

Monster at beer pong tho

He's not that interested in the dance floor tho he's the one starting bar fights

He thinks it's funny when drunk guys try to fight

One time he started a 20 person fight and he just stood there watching

He got kicked out of course

And banned

And the police would have come if he hadn't left so quick and if the camera footage was better quality

When he's having a chill night tho he loves to parade you around

Again, will fistfight anyone who looks at you weird

"This guy bothering you?" *cue WWE elbow drive*

Overall he's similar to Alice in that he loves to let loose

They don't get to do it too often and he LOVES it

9/10 minus one point because he got you guys kicked out of your favorite bar

Carlisle:

I think he'd hate a normal club

He would love like a high-end bar tho

Like the ones where guys sit in big chairs and smoke cigars and play pool

He's old money what can I say

But if you insist on going he would go with you

Again just to ensure your safety

Mostly he's watching from the sidelines

He doesn't want to go into the crowd of people

Wouldn't really want to dance but he would do it anyway

Mostly he just sort of nags

"I think you might want to hold off on another drink for now"

"Maybe we should go get some fresh air to give your eardrums a break from this loud music"

"You've had a lot to drink maybe you should go to the bathroom"

Brings down the mood a little bit

8/10 extra points because he, again, is a saint the morning after

Esme:

She might be the only one who downright refuses

Don't get me wrong, she cares for you

But not enough to go to the club

She's just not a fan

It's not her scene

She knows who she is, what she likes, and where her priorities are

She would suggest going with someone else

She knows Emmett and Alice love it and would suggest you going with them

She would be there for you as soon as you get home tho

Nice, warm bath

Your favorite food

Comfy clothes

And the next morning your favorite food again along with some painkillers if that's what you need

I feel like I can't give her a rating since she doesn't go tho

So we'll say 0/0

Vampire! Bella:

She's unexpected

At first she'll insist that she doesn't want to go, that it will be too loud, etc.

But she caves eventually

And once she gets there she is a different person

Screaming with the music, dancing up a storm, literally insane

It's a good thing she can't get drunk cause you can't even begin to think what she'd be like then

Of course, she is still aware tho

If she sees you getting uncomfortable, a guy is being creepy, you've drank too much, she is instantly there

Won't fight a guy but she will yell at them

She's more likely to be sneaky tho

One time a guy was hitting on you so she told him off and then sneakily cut a hole in his jeans so the next time he bent over his pants ripped in half

Very memorable night

Solid 10/10 she's fun but also caring

[chloe-caulfield94]

The theme of finding confidence in Life is Strange S1

An important theme of Season 1 is learning to find one’s strength and confidence. Before being reunited with Chloe, Max struggled with self-doubt, lack of confidence and propensity to constantly second-guess herself. She was so unsure of her worth that she couldn’t even submit a photograph for a silly school contest, choosing to rip it up instead of putting a part of herself up for others to see (and judge).

That dreadful feeling of inadequacy impacted all facets of Max’s life. The reactions Max’s classmates have when she chats them up in Episode 1 show that over a month into the school year, her self-doubt and lack of confidence prevented her from making any serious social headways.

Juliet: “You never talk. Just zone out with your camera”.

Dana: “Max, you’re smart to be a loner here”.

Stella: “Hey, I know you. You're the new quiet girl in Jefferson’s class”.

How is it even possible that the same girl, scared of taking part in school contests and with a reputation for being a quiet loner, barely four days later told a serial killer to “eat shit and die” while bound in his torture chamber, before driving a stolen car through a hurricane?

What happened to her in the meantime? Or rather WHO happened to her in the meantime?

Throughout the week, on multiple occasions Chloe gave Max exactly the sort of life advice she needed to hear.

Chloe: “It’s time to start moving forward in time”.

Chloe: “Stop being so goddamn humble. You're like the smartest, most talented person I've ever known”.

Chloe: “Once you get over yourself, you're going to make the world bow”.

Max: “I can’t even submit my photo to represent. I just don’t want to be rejected”.

Chloe: “Every great artist gets rejected before they get accepted. So you have to enter a photo”.

Max: “I’d rather be a good photographer”.

Chloe: “You are! You just have to stop being afraid”.

Chloe: “You're kind and caring. Nobody could have a better best friend. Nobody!”

Chloe: “You need to accept how awesome you are”.

Chloe: “Stop beating yourself up, okay?”

Chloe: “You're Maxine Caulfield ... and you're amazing!”

Chloe’s advice was simple and straightforward, but that doesn’t make it any less helpful, wise or heartfelt. And the constant affirmation and praise must’ve been like manna from the heavens for someone struggling with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

And Max was perfectly aware it was Chloe who had this profoundly positive influence on her life, filling her with courage and confidence, giving her the strength to fight her self-doubt.

Max: “As long as we’re together, I don’t feel afraid”.

Max: “As long as you’re there with me”.

Max: “I always wanted my life to be special, an adventure. But not without you!”

Max: “Your life has changed mine”.

On the 11th of October 2013 Max’s newly-found confidence was hanging in the balance. When she collapsed from exhaustion at the beach, the part of her mind containing her self-doubt and self-loathing struggled to regain control. Max’s nightmare is just that – her guilt, fear, resentment, low self-esteem and self-doubt fighting to overpower her mind. Those negative emotions are personified by the character of “Other Max”. Max’s nightmare is designed to make her second-guess all her choices, efforts and sacrifices.

Did I do the right thing? Is she worth all that? Does she really care about me? Would anyone ever want to be my friend if I didn’t have my power?

Max: “I only wanted to do the right thing”.

Other Max: “No, you only wanted to be popular! And once you got these amazing powers, your big plan was to trick people into thinking you give a rat’s ass”.

Other Max: “You were just looking for a shortcut, because you can’t make friends on your own”.

Other Max: “You fucked up time and space for your precious punk Chloe. You think she’s worth all that?”

Max: “Of course! She’s my best friend!”

Max: “This has to be my destiny to save her!”

Other Max: “Chloe trapped you with her drama”.

Other Max: “She’s just using you, dude”.

Other Max: “Do you really think she has any feelings for us?”

Life is Strange Season 1 is the story of Max Caulfield. Her quest to find her strength, confidence and courage. She does find it all in her. The question is, will she hang onto it, or will she throw it away?

By tearing up the butterfly photograph, Max conquers her fears and doubts. She refuses to be ruled by guilt. She holds on to her newly-found confidence. She accepts the consequences of her actions. She asserts she chose the best she could at every turn. She destroys the means to go back to the past, choosing instead to move forward in time.

By using the photograph to go back to Monday and to erase the entire week, Max capitulates before her self-doubt. She proves the “Other Max” right. She lets the darkest part of her mind dominate her. She chooses fear and doubt over confidence. She lets herself be ruled by guilt. She doubts the sincerity of her own motives, so she wants to take back everything she’s done in the past five days, unable to live with the consequences.

Max’s nightmare proves that Max is aware that it was her friendship with Chloe and her desire to save Chloe’s life which filled her with the strength and courage to move forward. When Max crosses the nightmare version of the junkyard, the only safe haven is a portion of Chloe’s hideout. The code Max has to input to escape is Chloe’s birthday – March the 11th. Max’s nightmare stops when Chloe shows up in the warped version of the Two Whales. In contrast to the warped vision of the world in Max’s nightmare, her memories of Chloe, which she goes through before waking up at the lighthouse, are pure. Unedited. Just the way they happened. There’s no anger, resentment and guilt when she goes through the memories of all the moments she shared with Chloe.

Look at the way Max behaves in both endings. Look at the utmost confidence on her face, in her gestures and in her voice when she refuses to sacrifice Chloe and destroys the photograph.

Chloe: “It’s time!”

Bae Max: “Not anymore!”

Contrast that with Max’s stammered “I don't want to do this” followed by crying, cowering in the corner, unable to look at the consequences of her actions even for a second should she choose to sacrifice Chloe.

Bay Max: “Chloe … I’m so, so sorry! I don’t want to do this!”

“Not anymore” versus “I don’t want to do this”. Standing tall versus cowering in fear.

I think it’s abundantly clear in which of the two endings Max succeeds in her quest to overcome her fears and doubts and to find courage and confidence and in which she fails, going back to ground zero not only in the emotional, but even in the physical sense.

You could attempt to argue that Max sacrificing her best friend would also be proof of Max having found her strength. But that would be completely missing the point. Max wasn’t looking for some misconstrued “strength” to be able to do anything, including taking a life, for “the greater good”. At no point Max tried to become a “hero” especially one who would ever say that “the hardest choices require the strongest wills”.

Max sought the strength to stop second-guessing every choice she made. Throughout the game we see Max’s propensity to do so. After every major choice, she begins to second-guess it, wondering if she did the right thing. But second-guessing yourself is no way to walk through life. The only thing you can demand from yourself is to always make the best decisions based on the information available to you at the time. Agonizing over your past choices in hindsight, based on information you couldn’t have known at the time, can only accomplish one thing – causing you torment and grief.

Based on the information available to Max on Monday, saving Chloe’s life was undisputably the right, good thing to do. It doesn’t matter that Max deduced on Friday saving Chloe’s life somehow set the Storm in motion. Because that information was impossible for Max to know on Monday, when the choice was made. And you can’t judge your actions, or the actions of others, based on information that was impossible to know when the action was undertaken. Max did the right thing by saving Chloe’s life on Monday. It would be wrong to take back that good deed. Taking back something good is an act of evil.

By tearing up the butterfly photograph, Max proves she learnt to stop second-guessing herself. That she learnt she can’t keep tormenting herself over her past choices based on information that was unavailable to her at the time.

By sacrificing Chloe Max proves that she will never stop second-guessing her choices. Not even for someone who is her “number one priority, the only thing that matters to her”. She will keep agonizing over every choice she makes. She will remain the quiet, zoned out loner, afraid of taking part in a silly school competition. It will prevent her from ever achieving anything.

Keep in mind, in the sacrifice Chloe ending, Max has zero input in the apprehension of Jefferson and Nathan. Her investigation is rendered pointless. Nathan is arrested on the scene of Chloe’s murder and immediately squeals on Jefferson, to get a better deal. They are both arrested on Monday. Max only regains her memories of the erased week on Friday, standing over Chloe’s coffin. Four days after Jefferson’s and Nathan’s arrest and the discovery of the Dark Room by the police. Kate’s life is saved because after the discovery of the Dark Room she is identified as one of the victims and provided with help. In the sacrifice Chloe ending Max’s role is reduced to sitting idly by while her friend is murdered. And that’s it. She does nothing else. She helps no one and she solves nothing. She has no role to play. She goes back to square one – being so crippled with self-doubt that she has no ability to affect the world around her. She remains so afraid of the consequences of her actions that it prevents her from accomplishing anything. In the sacrifice Chloe ending, the only thing resulting from the entire ordeal Max went through are her memories of the five days she spent with Chloe. The memories that nobody else, not even Chloe lying in a pool of her own blood with a bullet in her heart, remembers. The fact that in the sacrifice Chloe ending the only thing Max gains are a few memories she cannot even share with anyone, because she would be institutionalized if she did, shows that in that ending Max remains inwardly focused, closed off from the world. She remains unable to break out of her shell and interact with the real world, choosing to remain in the world of memories and fantasies.

[seriousbrat]

a post of yours was on my for you, it was about james potter and an ask (who was pretty rude and i don’t want to come off that same way) told you that james potter never changed and you started talking about how it was impossible he never did, that it’s crazy to think he was a manipulator etc etc but it’s rather simple imo. james was a frat boy who had friends he liked and he was good to, except maybe peter, he didn’t like severus because he was friends with his crush and he bullied other kids with his friends, because he could. he felt entitled to lily’s love because he was a blood traitor. that’s ok characters can change, but did he stop bullying severus? no (i saw your argument about sirius and remus saying snape never lost an opportunity to hex james, but 1 wouldn’t have lily noticed then 2 i don’t trust the words of the same people who said snape was angry at james because he was jealous of his good looks and his quidditch abilities) so what is that about? he acted as if he had became better person (which he may have, but he was still bullying severus and we have no proof of him becoming a better person except lily marrying him which is crazy leave the girl alone she’s not a moral compass) around lily whom he wanted to impress and then still bullied severus. i don’t think that’s a crazy thing to say, it’s actually very possible and it happens a lot of time in real life.

Thanks for the message, you don't come off as rude at all so dw!

"it happens a lot of time in real life." The thing is that this isn't real life. It's fiction, and I feel like I'm always saying this so sorry lol but that means we have to analyse the author's intention in showing what she did. These are fictional characters and not autonomous real people who do things "off-camera" that we can speculate about based on statistics or our own experience.

We're given evidence that James changed. If the truth was supposed to be that he actually didn't change and was always secretly the same dickhead and maliciously hiding this from Lily the entire time, we would have been given evidence of that. Everything we're shown about Lily and James as a couple is that they loved each other and had a good relationship. Again, if he was meant to be an evil conniving manipulator who was tricking Lily, it would have been shown in the text.

If you don't trust Remus and Sirius's word there are two other major pieces of evidence that James changed. The first is that Lily started dating him when previously she couldn't stand the sight of him. The second is that he was made head boy, and whatever Dumbledore's faults I sincerely doubt that he gave Head Boy to a person who was actively going around terrorising the student body. We know that circa 5th year, his behaviour was very public and apparent to everyone. For me, that lends credence to the idea that James "deflated his head" during sixth year, enough to be given responsibility over others.

The fact that Remus and Sirius mention James changing and also the fact that Snape was giving as good as he got during 7th year, and this is never contradicted but reinforced by other sources, means it's probably mostly true. Obviously Remus and Sirius's account is biased and imperfect, and we have to read between the lines. But, and I say this as a fan of Snape, there is plenty of evidence that Snape had an aggressive side. As a child he causes a branch to fall on Petunia and he invents an incredibly violent spell. As an adult he throws jars at a 16 year old boy and loses his shit at Fudge among others. Some of these are understandable, sure, but it is a part of his character and I don't understand why people are so hell-bent on ignoring it.

Like, it's fine. Part of Snape's arc is learning to control his emotions and limiting these outbursts of aggressiveness, which is why he's shown to be much more uncontrolled and violent as a child, whereas as an adult he's more collected and circumspect. It makes sense why he is the way he is, because it's implied he grew up in a home marked by violence. Personally, I think this is a VERY interesting aspect of his character and for me it makes absolute sense that he would attack James during 7th year. Particularly given that James and Lily were dating at the time. I am cheering him on from the sidelines. I am enjoying the show. Meek little harmless spineless Severus, idk him.

Also I'm sorry, but a lot of this is your own interpretation, likely based on your dislike for James. there's NO evidence that james "felt entitled" to Lily's love for instance. That really seems like a conclusion you've come to on your own. It's fine to have your own interpretations ofc, but they're not necessarily supported by canon. Personally I disagree with them, but that's fine too!

I appreciate the Lily appreciation though!! Let that girl do whatever the fuck she wants 👏

[redsea8me]

I just wanna say that your Side Effects AU has me going FERAL it's sitting rent free in my head and has claimed squatter's rights!!

I'm curious if you have any ideas you have surrounding Hyde and Ratchet, and maybe even Team Prime?

Sorry if I'm a bit over the top, pls take these flowers 💐💐💐

Oh my god thank you sm!! It makes me so happy to hear that (will gladly accept those flowers) you’re most certainly not over the top I love answering questions about my au

okay, so w/ Hyde and Ratchet, Hyde is very focused on not being him that it influences his interests too, like Ratchet hates rock music so he loves it type beat (I’ve had it in my head for awhile now that if Hyde was his own separate person since the beginning and they were like normal brothers, he would have been a mortician with a rockstar side gig) and yknow, it definitely sucks at first bc he’s not doing it for himself until he realizes that all Ratchet does everyday is stand at that stupid computer all day so he has more time than most to figure out what he actually likes (still does enjoy rock music tho) he’s very subtly trying to get Ratchet away from it more and more

Hyde and Ratchet have never agreed on what music should be playing and they rarely come to a consensus

Hyde has taken (partial) control over their body far more than Team Prime realizes, mainly when Ratchet is SUPER tired Hyde can easily influence their body so they can get some rest (and it’s totally not because he cares or anything, of course not) and rarely during a mission or something, Ratchet will let Hyde have a bit more control bc he can push their body a bit more

Okay!! Team Prime before this gets too long 😭 but Optimus makes Hyde kind of nervous, he’s not as good at reading Optimus as he’d like to be. His friendship with Ratchet was a large source of fear in the beginning, now it’s just sort of scary authority figure

He wants to rough house with Bulkhead so bad it’s not even funny, he adores sparring and that little bit he got when Ratchet first tested the sythn en was so fun!! (He honestly just wants to be friends with him and Miko so bad)

Arcee he likes bothering, they sass and tease each other a lot I imagine. She took the longest to warm up to him I think

Bumblebee and him have like, me and my estranged cousin vibes (bc let’s not forget, Hyde isn’t really that old at all) when they get past the awkward phase I think they’d be quick friends (Hyde is this close to giving him some sort of piercing)

oh on that topic his snake bites I always draw him with are magnets bc Ratchet doesn’t want piercings like those (never lets him have any fun 😔)

A big point of contention for Hyde when he’s finally integrated with the Autobots is people treating him like he’s fragile bc of Ratchet, like he can understand not wanting him to get injured bc whatever injured he gets will transfer over to their only medic, he gets it. But at the same time he wants so badly to be taken more seriously, or let on missions more bc he can’t stand being stuck in this base (the cabin fever goes crazy)

anyways um, thank you for listening to me rant a bit 😭 hope it’s everything you wanted 🙏

[andersdotters]

I think the thing that's easy to forget about Arlecchino is that she is not the original Arlecchino. The one that set up the House of the Hearth, the one that greatly abused its members, the one that lied to Freminet about his mother, the one that brainwashed the members to be willing to give their lives for their family was the original Arlecchino, not the current Arlecchino. The current Arlecchino was previously a child raised by the House of the Hearth that succeeded the original Arlecchino through some kind of "serious clash."

The original Arlecchino was painted to be a very cruel person. She'd would greatly punish members that did not succeed in their missions. She lied to Freminet that his mother abandoned him, then used his mother's well being as a way to threaten Freminet into obeying. Going off of one of her subordinates actions, she would've been fine with the creation of orphans if that met taking them in to become later members of the Fatui.

When the current Arlecchino got into power, she changed many things. Where the previous Arlecchino wanted them to give up their lives for the family, the current told them that they must value their lives. Every single one of them was important. Where the previous Arlecchino would punish members for failing missions, the current does not do so, but chooses to give missions suitable to the person.

What I find really interesting about the current Arlecchino is that she is not without morals. When Lyney asks to receive a delusion to help his sister, though she does not react outwardly, her eyes were described to be full of "wrath." She then shows a startling amount of emotional intelligence and asks if that is what Lynette would want. When it comes to Freminet, not only was she furious upon learning he was cruelly lied to regarding his mother, what I'm shocked is she knew about his mother in the first place. She knew what his mother looked like. Freminet entered the House of the Hearth before she became Arlecchino, but she still knew. If you want to look deeper into this, this implies that she purposefully looked into his past and sought out his mother for him.

People may say she's acting. People may say she is acting "nice" to groom the sibings her way, but anger is not something easily faked. Those seemed to be genuine reactions. I do not think that was a lie. However, I'm not saying that she's not lying or manipulative either.

What the most important thing to keep in mind about all of this is what Wanderer and Childe have to say about her. They both fully state that she is insane. She has no problems betraying people. She seeks to control others. She is insane. No ifs, ands, or buts.

I'm just really curious to see how Genshin will reconcile this conflicting information about her.

((check the tags for more of an analysis on her that goes a bit deeper))

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

if 9&10 were "dont wander off", and 11&12 were "the doctor lies", 13s rule #1 is "dont question me"

"have we not had a good time together" shes pointing yaz to the rule that yaz very well knows is there: we can travel if you dont ask me any difficult questions. yaz knows this is the rule - "because you ask too many questions", "this team structure isnt flat" - but she also was the one to invite the doctor into her home so im pretty sure she also knows shes not gonna kicked out that easily. she has some leeway. which she has been using between revolution and flux, which is why the doctor reminds her of the rules

i dont think she'd kick her out though. she wouldnt. i think it's just that the more you break the rule, the more unpleasant she becomes to be around, and eventually youre gonna walk out on your own. she doesnt want you to, she'd rather you stay and dont ask questions. but if youre gonna try to ask questions anyway, i think thats whats gonna happen

and yaz must think so too. because she does back off. because she doesnt want that to happen either. and it does anyway