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meltwonu · 4 years ago

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| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 | [CHAPTER 8]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, sex toys, dom!seungcheol, blowjob, cumplay, overstimulation, minor degradation/dirty talk, big dick seungcheol is in the house ladies ‘n gents, what we’ve all been waiting for!!! 😩💕 this was actually meant to be a shorter chapter which I guess depending on how you look at 5k words I guess that can be seen as short!!, anyway thank you so much for your patience 🥺 I know a ton of you were waiting for this and it’s finally here!! hehe~ enjoy! have a great weekend!! 🍒

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - ?

“Well… It’s not much but welcome home for the next few days.”

Seungcheol helps you into his studio apartment; setting your things by the bed before turning to you.

“So, I take it the cat isn’t real then, huh?” You joke, plopping down onto the sofa. He shoots you a sheepish smile when he sits on the other end, cheeks blooming crimson.

“Uh… no, sorry... If there’s anything I lied about, it was definitely only the cat.”

The two of you share a laugh as you look around the apartment, noting the cookbooks on the kitchen countertop and the extensive PC setup on his desk. “Oh, I should show you around. I mean, it’s not much, but I figure I should let you know where everything is.”

You nod, getting up as Seungcheol starts showing you around the place. He shows you to the bathroom, lets you know where he keeps all of his snacks and even pauses to give you the wi-fi password. You follow him around the place, remarking that it seemed more homey and lived-in than your space did.

“I mean, it’s not much, but it’s comfy. I even tried to be a plant dad but I forgot to water them so that didn’t really work out.”

“Maybe just buy the fake ones for aesthetic purposes, y’know? Give it a greenhouse vibe.”

Seungcheol nods; chuckling as he brings you back to the living space. “Okay, I should go get the things from ‘Guk before it gets any later. And you have a show to do tomorrow too so we should definitely setup once I get back.” He makes sure he has all of his things, keys jingling in his hold as he makes his way to the door.

“Do you need anything else while I’m out? I’ll probably be about 45 minutes, give or take an hour if I catch traffic.”

You shake your head ‘no’ in response, walking up to him. “Just drive safe~” Waving, you wait until the door lock falls into place before you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

In truth, you’d never stopped thinking about the video you had uploaded hours earlier. It had lingered at the back of your head the entire day despite Seungcheol’s valiant efforts to keep your mind off of the entire thing.

It was the first time you were alone all day and you were finally ready to face the repercussions of your actions, should they have gone sour.

Sitting on the sofa, you unlock your phone before hesitantly opening a web browser and typing in the URL for the camming website. Taking a deep breath, you login, already nervous when the browser lags due to the amount of notifications.

Your eyes quickly flit across the multitude of comments; cheeks hot as your fingers go numb.

“Oh my god…”

Seungcheol gets an earful once he gets the equipment from Jeongguk’s place; the younger male’s smug face ingrained in Seungcheol’s head even when he gets back to the apartment in record speed.

It takes him a bit of trapezing to get everything in one go, cables spilling out of the box that Jeongguk haphazardly put together, but Seungcheol manages to get the door open.

“Oh my god, ‘Cheol, there you are! Please hurry, come look at this!”

He quickly drags in the box, kicking the door shut before hurriedly jogging over to the sofa where you sat with your laptop. “I--I… I don’t know what to say, I’m just…” You quickly turn the screen to let him read the comments, a wide and giddy smile on your face.

‘Whoa… this is amazing…’

‘Wait who’s the guy???’

‘Please please more content like this’

‘Fuck you sound so good begging for daddy like this…’

‘In public? Such a naughty girl… but daddy will give it to you since you asked so nicely…’

‘Shit you really do look good getting fucked like this… better than your toys tbh’

“Whoa…” Seungcheol breathes out, scrolling through the rest as he sits next to you. “It seems like it did pretty damn well, huh?” You nod feverishly, leaning over him as you click on the video’s revenue page.

“‘Cheol look at this… The donations and revenue from this video alone... I--It’s… it’s more than I get in some of my live shows…” You trail off, wide eyes meeting Seungcheol’s equally shocked face.

The two of you sit in silence for a moment; various thoughts running through your head at the possibilities.

Seungcheol fares no different, already feeling the atmosphere change when you place the laptop on the coffee table.

“Seungcheol…” He can only chuckle in response, already knowing the next words that would spill from your lips.

“Let me take a wild guess… You want to film more like this?”

Nodding, you lean in close to him, wrapping your own arms around his as you rest your head on his shoulder. “I know we kinda… agreed to not get intimate so fast and--and I think we have a lot we need to talk about but ‘Cheol… I--I don’t want to beg but… Would you? Film some videos with me, I mean? They don’t have to be, like, both of us, they can just be from your POV and we don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with doing on camera!”

He bites the inside of his cheek as he stares off into the living room. “How about this… Let’s set up, since you have a show to do tomorrow. And then Tuesday morning before I head to work, we can talk about it. I’m not saying no, I’m just… there’s some ground rules I think we need to put down first. Hard limits, things we’re okay with filming… Y’know, just, what we’re comfortable with.”

“Okay, yeah! That makes total and complete sense~” You open your mouth to speak again, only a small squeak coming out instead. “Hmm? Something the matter?”

“Just… Thank you. For everything. I really didn’t expect this to do as well as it did and--and just, I guess I’m in shock?” You laugh, pulling away from Seungcheol as he stares down at you. “And to be honest… I mean, it’s not like we haven’t thought about each other, right?”

Seungcheol feels his body getting warmer by the passing second; gulping when he understands what you mean. “Y-yeah, it’s just.. Hah, I guess I thought I’d have more time to woo you over.”

Letting out an airy laugh, you stand from the sofa and make your way towards the momentarily forgotten box of equipment; dragging it towards the bed before you sit on the floor next to it. “You have plenty of time to do that~ And anyway, who says I’m not already woo’d over?” You place a ring light down by your side just as Seungcheol sits on the bed, watching as you go through the items.

“Wow, Jeongguk sure has a lot of really nice equipment in here! Are you sure it’s okay we borrowed it?”

“Yeah, he’s a bit of a nerd for video equipment and I’m pretty sure as long as we don’t break anything we’re good.”

It only takes about 35 minutes and Seungcheol stepping on an outlet plug to finish setting up all the lighting equipment and camera as you and Seungcheol finally plop down onto the bed.

“Jeez, I never realized how convoluted it was to set up a few ring lights and one camera. I don’t want to see another cable for at least 50 years.” Seungcheol jokes; wiping a bead of sweat that trickles down his temple. “Is this how it’s set up at your place?”

“Mmhmm~ All the time. It’s like I’m never really ‘offline’.”

He stands from the bed a second later, walking to the fridge to get some water for the two of you. “Really? You don’t ever put the equipment away?”

You sigh softly, flopping onto your back onto the cold sheets. “In a perfect world I would, but it gets really annoying to always take down and put everything back up so I usually kind of just leave them in their places. But it’s fine ‘cause it’s only me anyway and I’m lazy~”

Seungcheol laughs as he places a glass of water next to the bed. “I guess that’s fair. I’d probably do the same.” You get comfy on his bed; eyes already threatening to slide shut.

“We should probably get some sleep, huh? I have work in the morning…” He mumbles, watching as you already seem to drift off into sleep.

“Mmhmm~”

Seungcheol’s bed is comfy.

So comfy that you barely register him leaning down to let you know that he’d be leaving for work. And so comfy that you spend most of your day in it until he gets back.

“Honey, I’m home~” He singsongs; kicking his shoes off at the door before making his way into the kitchen. “I grabbed some takeout on the way back, hope you don’t mind. My cookbooks came in a while ago, but to be honest, I’ve barely even looked at ‘em, much less even opened them up.”

“I don’t mind~ And thank you!”

The two of you set up in the living space, placing the food on the coffee table and easing onto the rug. “So how was work, darling~?”

Seungcheol chokes on a bite of food in an instant, hand on his chest as he tries to swallow it down. “Urgh, f-fine!” He pauses as he clears his airway. “Jeongguk really won’t let me live it down but it’s okay. He asked what you saw in me and that killed my ego a bit.” He snorts.

“Pfft, there’s a lot to like about you! He just doesn’t see ‘that’ side of you, y’know?” Seungcheol blushes, clearing his throat before trying to change the subject. “How was your day? Hope it wasn’t too boring?”

“Mmm~ Not really... Your bed is really comfy though! I didn’t wanna leave it~ Oh! And I spent some time brainstorming some ideas ‘n stuff for tomorrow!”

“Yeah? Anything good?”

Your cheeks flush crimson; a shy smile on your lips. “Maybe~ But we’ll save it for our talk!!”

dom.cheol: aren’t you a pretty lil thing?

angelhan has donated $70

dom.cheol has donated $300

artist8hao: oh? A new location again? It looks nice

alphagyu97: are we all forgetting the most important thing??

alphagyu97: whos the dude???

universe_WZ: you sound pressed over there, u ok?

hoshi_tiger_xx: honestly idrc that video was HOT

“Oh my gosh~ You guys!!” Your eyes flit to the side where Seungcheol sits with his phone in hand; a sly smirk on his face when your eyes meet. “Actually, I didn’t know you’d all like it so much… I kinda just thought to do it on the fly and my---my friend, um, agreed to help me…” Mumbling, you shyly readjust on Seungcheol’s sheets.

gc__koo: a friend? interesting tell me more

sleepy_wonu: who tf

kitty_junjun: i see our babygirl is getting more regulars~ so popular~

You giggle cutely as you tuck a stray hair behind your ear. “Did my video do that well?” You already know the answer but you read off a few more responses, biting your lip when you glance Seungcheol’s way again.

“Actually… my friend is here with me. He’s making sure I behave~”

Seungcheol pauses, head tilted questioningly at you. He mouths a simple ‘what are you doing?’ to which you wink back, readjusting yourself against the headboard.

“He’s really shy though… So he won’t be on camera~ But… But thinking about his fingers so deep in me… Fuck I’m--I’m already…” You trail off; hand reaching for the small bullet vibrator next to you on the bed.

gc__koo: guess he really gave it to you good huh?

xcaliburDK: fuck we kno he did… god that was so hot

tangerine_kwan: ur cute lil pussy was so wet and tight around those fingers, fuck

chwenon has donated $45

chwenon: it was so diff from seeing your own fingers or toys but in a good way

You trail the small vibrator across your body; mewling when you press it against the growing wet patch on your panties. “S-so you guys wouldn’t mind seeing more?”

gentleman_josh95: fuck yea i wanna see more

therealchan99: yes god plz, wanna see that cute lil cunt stretching around a fat cock

Seungcheol blushes as he clenches his jaw, suddenly a little embarrassed.

“Yeah? Mmh, I--I want that too…” You whimper. Using your free hand, you hook your thumb into the waistband of your panties as you shimmy them down before you continue. “Do you think my friend would be so kind as to give it to me~?” You tease; spreading your legs wide in front of the camera.

dom.cheol: if you behave, maybe he will.

artist8hao: mmm he’s right, only good girls get their pussies filled with cock

“Heeeey, but I’m good, right?” You pout, brows furrowing cutely at the camera. “I’ve been so good lately… Think I deserve a reward~”

dom.cheol: do you though? Have you been good, baby?

therealchan99: uh oh trouble in paradise?

gc__koo: maybe hes jealous

Jealous!? Seungcheol exclaims in his head; reminding himself to keep quiet as he stares at you incredulously.

You can only laugh loudly in response, shaking your head as you bring the wet toy up to your lips. You lick the wetness off of the silicone, lips settling into a sly smirk when you set the vibrator to it’s strongest setting.

“Let me show you how good I can be.”

“So, restraints?”

“For me or for you?” You blink up at Seungcheol from a mouthful of cereal, hair messy as you lounge in one of his shirts you happened to find on the floor. “Uh, well, mostly for you. I’m--I’m not opposed to it but… Yeah.”

You get comfy in his makeshift sofa bed, giggling as he sits across from you. “I’m totally cool with it! Oh! Um… you… you’re clean, right? Before we continue.” He nods in response, clearing his throat. “Yeah, I got tested a few weeks ago… Just in case.”

“Okay cool, so… Hmm… ‘Cheol is there anything you don’t want to do?”

“I should be asking you that, baby. ‘Cause I’m okay with anything you want to do… I think.”

“Okay so no piss kinks and no weird diaper baby stuff then.”

Seungcheol snorts, running a hand through his hair. “Sounds good to me. Is there anything you’re… really opposed to? Like choking or spitplay or degradation... I mean, you talking about it on your camshows is different from us doing it in real life so I--I just want to make sure you’re really okay with it.” You nod slowly, taking in his words.

“Yeah… I mean, I wanna try it with you. I trust you.” Pausing, you bite your lip as you try to hide the giddy smile on your face to no avail. “If we’re being honest, the thought of you being rough with me and spitting in my mouth is kinda really hot.”

He grits his teeth, already feeling his cock throb when you say that. “Ooookay, baby, I gotta go to work after this so let’s… not go there right now, okay? I don’t need ‘Guk having any more ammo against me.”

“Sorry, ‘Cheol~ I’ll be good! And--oh, by the way… Um, what about your v-voice? What are we gonna do about that…”

Oh, right.

Seungcheol bites the inside of his cheek, contemplating. In truth, he’d been thinking about it since you asked him to help the first time and he knew eventually he’d have to revisit the topic. It seemed like a minuscule thing, but a part of him was a little worried that he’d be recognizable. “I--I’ll think about it. I’m more okay on the idea of it but I’ll let you know before we do anything.” Nodding, you get up from the sofa the same time Seungcheol does, walking with him towards the front door.

“Oh and one last thing, ‘Cheol!”

“Hmm?”

“Safe word?”

He takes a second to think, brows furrowing as he stares up at the ceiling.

“Cranberry.”

You raise a brow, blinking up at Seungcheol. “Really? Cranberry?”

“Yeah, why not, it’s easy to remember and it’s not Cherry but it’s kinda similar?”

“That’s fair, I guess.”

“Hey hyung, cool apartment! Didn’t think I’d see it like that, if you know what I mean.”

“Don’t you have popcorn to burn?”

Seungcheol sighs a breath of relief when he turns the lock to his apartment door; already excited to see you when he gets home from work.

“I’m back!” He yells, toeing his shoes off at the entrance as he sees you quietly shuffle to the entrance.

“I… I was bad today…”

Confusion crosses Seungcheol’s features as his eyes dance over your form still dressed in one of his t-shirts.

Oh.

Ohhhh. Okay.

“You were bad, huh? Wanna tell me what you did, baby?”

You nod in response, linking your hands with his as you guide him back towards the bed. You hand him your phone, already having it in video mode and recording by the time he adjusts it in his palm

“You don’t have to… say anything if you don’t want to.” Seungcheol nods.

Gulping, you peer up at him once you sit on the bed. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you after you left for work… I--I couldn’t stop touching myself thinking about you…” You rub your thighs together; already feeling the wetness pooling between them again.

“I made myself cum and I--I used your pillow to make myself cum and got them dirty… ‘m sorry…”

Seungcheol feels himself slip into character, bringing his free hand up to your hair before he slightly tugs on it.

“So your greedy ‘lil pussy couldn’t wait ‘til I got home from work? And you got my favorite pillows dirty? Naughty ‘lil thing. I can’t even leave you alone for a few hours, can I?”

You feel your body heat up incredibly fast, head tilted up towards the camera as he brings it in closer. You were fully expecting him to keep quiet, but you were incredibly elated to hear him interacting with you. “I k-know, I’m sorry! I couldn’t s-stop thinking about your cock…” He scoffs, grinning down at you when he sees the lust already pooling in your eyes.

“How are you going to make it up to me, baby?”

“Fuck, you’re so pretty choking on my cock.”

The tears blur your vision as you swallow around him; pussy throbbing around your fingers at the feeling of him already being too big for your mouth. His hand guides you down until your lips almost reach the base of his cock, a strained moan on his lips when you gag around him. “Ngh, god, your mouth is so fuckin’ small. Bet you can’t wait ‘til my cock is in that pussy of yours, huh?”

You moan around him in response; head getting fuzzy when the lightheadedness starts to bite. You continue to thrust your own fingers into your pussy, prepping yourself for Seungcheol as you scissor and curl the digits.

Seungcheol holds you onto his cock a second more before he tugs on your hair, pulling you off of his cock as you sputter and catch your breath. “You look good like this, baby.” He smirks, letting the camera catch your messy hair, teary eyes and swollen lips before he lets go of your hair.

“Now get on the bed. Legs spread for me.”

You nod; getting up from the floor on shaky legs as Seungcheol lets the camera follow.

You strip off all your clothes and get onto the bed before resting against the pillows and spreading your legs for Seungcheol to situate himself between them.

“You need to be punished for misbehaving, sweetheart. You know you’re not allowed to cum without my permission. And you got my sheets dirty.”

“I know…” You whimper, “I couldn’t help it…”

Scoffing, he rolls his eyes. “I know you can’t. All you ever think about is my cock inside that pussy of yours. What would you do without me, baby? Do you think anyone could satisfy you like I do?”

Seungcheol slots himself between your legs, making sure to keep most of himself out of frame. He wraps his free hand around his cock, running it up and down before bringing his cock to your wet folds. He runs the head through your folds, letting it tap against your clit as you jolt. “Do you want me?” He whispers; his eyes meeting yours.

He knew this was the second everything would change for the two of you, and he wanted to make sure you truly wanted it before he took the leap.

“Yes, please… I want you so bad…” You whimper, legs wrapping around Seungcheol’s waist. He nods shakily, making sure your phone is angled down as he slowly sinks his cock into your pussy.

The two of you share a broken moan as Seungcheol’s grip on your phone tightens and your own hands find purchase in the pillow tucked underneath your head.

Seungcheol was big.

And the stretch had you whining; a small sting biting into you as he slowly eased his cock into you. “Relax for me, sweetheart. You’re already so fuckin’ tight around me. You need to relax a little more.”

You try your best to even your breathing as you also attempt to relax; pupils blown wide when you look straight into the camera. “G-god, you’re so b-big, oh, I--I’m--a-ah!” Tiny cries spill from your lips as you cum unexpectedly, nails digging into the pillow as your walls flutter around him.

“Hmm~ Only got half my cock into your tight pussy and you’re already cumming? So easy.” He laughs, letting you ride out your high as he waits.

Internally, Seungcheol was dying. There were so many things he wanted to say but couldn’t; knowing he, too, at this moment, was playing a character with you.

“Fuck, your pussy is so warm and wet and I’m not even all the way in yet. Think you can still take the rest of me, baby?”

“I, hah, y-yes, please! Wanna fuh--feel all of y-you…” Mumbling, you don’t even wait to come down from your high before you’re already wanting more; squirming underneath him.

“If you say so~”

Seungcheol inches in the rest of his cock, exhaling harshly when he bottoms out completely. “Holy fuck, you’re so goddamn tight!” His free hand grips your thigh, nails digging into the flesh as he gives you a second to adjust to his size. You can feel your entire body trembling, pussy clenching around him as the sting from the stretch starts to subside and bleed into unadulterated pleasure. “God, please--please m-move!”

He starts slow at first, only shallowly thrusting into you as the two of you get used to each other’s body. And despite your first time together being on camera, Seungcheol doesn’t seem to mind all too much, although he does remember to keep himself out as much as possible.

Your breathy moans and clipped breaths are music to his ears when he starts going a little faster; the sweat starting to trickle down his temple when he keeps at a moderate pace. “O-oh, fuck!” A string of incoherent curses follow as you wince when the head of Seungcheol’s cock taps your cervix.

“Oh, go----d, right there, please, it feels so g-good!”

“Right here? Does it feel good when you’re full of my cock?” Seungcheol clenches his jaw when you tighten around him, small curses falling from his own lips.

“Yes, yes, god, fuck… I--ngh!” Your eyes clamp shut as you fully get lost in pleasure; your head tossed back into the pillow when Seungcheol thrusts into you particularly hard.

You hear him laugh lightly, followed by a buzzing noise that has your eyes peeling open. “H-huh?”

Seungcheol smiles down at you, eyes filled with mischief when he plays with the settings on the vibrator in his hand.

“Well, you wanted to cum so bad that you did it without my permission, right? Since you wanna cum so bad, let’s see it, sweetheart.” He brings the toy to your clit; letting the vibrations throw your body into overdrive as your back arches off of the sheets.

“A-ah, Seu--Mmh! Fuck ‘m g-gonna cum a-again!” You cry, thighs quivering around his waist as he keeps the silicone toy pressed up against your swollen clit.

He doesn’t let up as he starts to thrust into you quicker, fucking you through your orgasm as he chases his. “God, your fuckin’ cunt was made for me. Bet you want me to cum inside too, huh? Fill you up nice and good until it’s spilling out of you?”

“Please, please, please!”

“You gotta cum for me one more time, baby. Get my cock wet.” You let out a choked cry, lashes wet with tears when he sets the toy to its strongest setting.

“Mmh, ‘m so s-sensitive… I--- I don’t know if--if I can, ah, cum a-again…” Seungcheol licks his lips watching your fucked out expression, cock throbbing between your walls. “I know you can, baby. I can feel you already getting tight around me again.”

And Seungcheol’s right; only a few more thrusts from him before you’re cumming one last time, heels digging into the small of his back as he finally shuts the toy off and grinds against you. And this time, your lips part in a silent scream, back arching off of the bed as your entire body goes rigid underneath him.

He makes sure to do a full sweep of your body through the camera in the midst of your high, halting his movements as he lets you ride it out before he continues.

“Oh my g-god, I--fu--fuck…”

Your body finally untenses after a few minutes; chest heaving in deep breaths as Seungcheol resumes his pace.

“Ready for me to cum inside that cute ‘lil cunt of yours?”

“Mmh, yes, give it to me~”

Seungcheol snickers, thrusting into you hard one last time before he pulls out completely. “That’s too bad~” He taunts, wrapping his free hand around the shaft of his cock. “Only good girls get creampies~” He lets out a cocky laugh, running his hand up and down his cock as he positions it over your abdomen.

You clench around emptiness, a weak moan floating through the air when Seungcheol finally cums, painting your chest in warm wet streaks of the salty substance. “Fuck, but you look so pretty covered in my cum too…” He grits out, cock throbbing in his palm as he works himself through his orgasm.

You watch him through foggy eyes; licking your chapped lips as you watch his brows furrow in concentration and his eyes slide shut as he, too, gets overwhelmed with bliss.

It takes a moment for him to catch his breath, palm sweaty around the phone as his thumb hovers over the ‘stop’ button. “W-wait…”

“Hmm? What’s wrong, baby?”

You run your fingers through the rivulets of cum coating your skin, gathering the viscous liquid on your fingertips before you bring them up to your mouth to lick them clean. “We can’t let it go to waste, can we?” Popping the digits into your mouth, you moan around your fingers as you clean Seungcheol’s cum off of them.

“You’re right, baby. We shouldn’t.”

You smile up at him, eyes dancing towards the camera for what feels like the first time in a long time before popping the digits out of your mouth.

Seungcheol’s eyes follow your movements, throat dry when you run your fingertips through the settling cum again. Except this time, you drag your fingers down until they’re teasing your clit, coating it in his cum. “Ngh, w-wanted you to cum inside but…”

His shaky eyes follow the way your fingers dip lower and lower until your cum coated fingers sink into your swollen pussy. He mentally screams, half tempted to shut off the camera.

“That’s right, baby. You want my cum so bad that you have to do it yourself, huh? Maybe next time you’ll remember to behave, won’t you?”

Nodding, you repeat the same steps a few more times; fingering Seungcheol’s cum into your pussy until most of it is cleaned off of your chest.

“I promise I won’t misbehave again~” You coo.

You wait a few seconds before you lean up, hand circling Seungcheol’s wrist as you bring the phone down and press the ‘stop’ button yourself.

“And scene!” You blurt out, laying back down in a tired mess as Seungcheol chuckles above you.

“Well, can’t say I expected that, if I’m being honest.” He moves back, eyes fixated on his cum that dries on your skin and the little bit that trickles from your pussy. “I’ve gotta ask, did you really… before I got home…”

“Honestly? Yeah… I mean the--the pillows were a lie ‘cause I didn’t wanna get them dirty but…” You chuckle tiredly, aiming to sit up which you find difficult to do. “Fuck, ‘Cheol, I think you broke me!” He pouts in response, leaning over you to make sure you were okay.

“Did I though? Be honest. ‘Cause I wasn’t expecting to go that hard on our first time together but it just---it--I--”

“Whoa, it’s okay! Seungcheol, relax. You didn’t hurt me… I r-really liked it actually… It felt--You felt really good. And I just wanted to, um, say sorry. I kinda sprung that on you out of nowhere too.”

“Honestly? I didn’t mind. I seemed to fall into character a lot easier than I expected which shocked me too.”

The two of you fall into a comfortable yet shy silence; catching your breath.

Seungcheol makes the first move, sliding off of the bed as you fight off the sleep that threatens to take you. “Hey, we need to get you cleaned up and hydrated. I need to change the sheets too.”

“Mmm.. but ‘m tired, ‘Cheol…”

He smiles at your tired form, helping you into a sitting position before shuffling to the kitchen to get you a glass of water. “I know you’re tired. And you can go to sleep after we get you cleaned off, get the sheets changed and probably eat a little, okay?”

“Mmkay~ Oh, but the video…” He passes you the glass, making you finish it before you continue.

“What about the video?”

You wipe at your dry lips, handing the glass back to Seungcheol. “We… We should probably watch it back and edit it a bit to make sure everything’s okay, shouldn’t we? Just in case we, um, said something we shouldn’t have or something...”

A blush blooms on Seungcheol’s skin, suddenly shy at the idea that he’d have to not only listen to himself but also watch, at least, part of himself on camera. “R-right, which--which we can do tomorrow when I get back from work. If that’s okay with you?”

You nod up at him, a beaming smile on your face.

“It’s definitely okay with me~”

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hopefullystillatheatrestudent · 4 years ago

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okay so i’ve been going crazy these past few days. all about cockles/jensmish and obsessively watching their panels or reading the transcripts BECAUSE. THEY ARE LOUD. LIKE. i saw some fancams on twt and i thought people were just exaggerating but noooooooooo!!!???? so, getting to the point. you said that how do we know that jensen is performing masculinity? because jared isn’t and THAT IS A BIG BRAIN MOMENT. ON POINT. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. a particular moment from gag reel that jumps out (which you’ve talked about) when jensen goes ‘cas, you are my baby daddy’ and misha goes, ‘i know i love you too’ and jensen goes, ‘i didn’t say i love you’ and misha goes, ‘i know you wanted to’ and jensen says, ‘i love you’ WHAT THE FUCK! that was NOT a joke. yes, people took it as a joke and had a good laugh BUT I HAVE WATCHED IT TOO MANY TIMES AND IT LIVES IN MY MIND RENT FREE BECAUSE IT WAS NOT A PERFORMANCE. THAT WAS JENSEN. THAT WAS MISHA. jensen has a had trouble with the pda and being all touch feely (the breakup theory) and he gradually grew into it, accepted it and misha was right there all along, never pushed it. it was like a deancas au but tbh, 99% of destiel is because of cockles and we all know it. i just. jensen has latched onto dean as an emotional support because he tunes with it. understands it. projects on to it. yeah, i just had to say it and get it off my chest. (and what about those poetry pages on instagram? alma? what is your opinion?) btw, you have a lovely blog and your analysis are right on target.

so there is a LOT i’m going to address here(how dare you bring up [gunshot] i HAVE to talk about it now) so again!!!! under a cut it goes but i hope you appreciate my rambles anon it seems like you do :,)

1. jared vs. jensen and performing masculinity. hell yeah man. jared and jensen are both just ‘guys from texas’ but they are still so vastly different. today i actually had a revelation that i’m pretty sure has to do with me being bi. and it’s that i have a group of straight friends(that i love dearly but they care too much about hockey and pitbull imo could not be me) and i have a group of queer friends(who are also batshit[affectionate]). and it’s like whichever group i hang out with a different side of me emerges? they’re both me, it’s just that certain aspects of who i am as a person only surface depending on who i am around. however, i will say i feel like i watch what i say around my straight friends more. i see that very clearly in jensen as well. around jared during panels and on set, he’s definitely putting on an air of machismo and engages in typical guy talk. i do think an element of it is performative, because he wants validation from jared that they’re still just two dudes from texas taking on the world together despite his sexual identity. does that make any sense??? i hope so. but when he’s with misha he is an entirely different person and his sense of humour becomes wildly different. the machismo fades away, he’s way less caught up in what people think about him, lets his guard down, etc. to go back to my original point which is how j2 are different in that regard....jared does not do this. he is a constant. he does not flip a switch between ‘performing masculinity’ and ‘not’ because he isn’t performing any part of who he is. he just IS. so yeah these two are similar in many regards but there’s somewhat of a dissonance between them when it comes to how they perform masculinity because one of them is putting on a show and the other is merely being.

2. that crypt scene blooper(here just in case you need to see it again. do it. as a treat.) when i tell you i have easily seen this over thirty times??? since it first came out??? i mean it. it is such an overlooked(r*mantic) moment and it means so much more than people think it does. i’ve talked about the context behind it, and i think that’s why this blooper was so meaningful, so i’ll mention it again. jensen and misha had a LOT of trouble with this scene. the reason is that jensen couldn’t wrap his head around why dean would be saying these things, if i remember correctly, and both of them sat down and scoured over how they should play it for a while before filming(teamwork ;) teammates *ahem*). [to be honest we all know why jensen had a hard time with that scene and it is because it is blatantly romantic. rip to him but i would simply give in to it at that point but oh well] so anyway, their heads were scattered going into shooting, which is NEVER a good headspace to be in for a scene, ESPECIALLY not a pivotal one. but they had each other to help them through said weird energy on set that couldn’t possibly have invoked the best feelings, especially considering jensen STILL doesn’t think he played that correctly(but he praised misha on his performance :,) ). and with that context every single part of that video hits haRD

-’stop pulling my face towards your crotch’ i think this is objectively hilarious because it really really looks like jensen is pulling HIMSELF towards misha’s crotch. again, you’re fooling no one, jensen. misha’s wheezing laugh and the way he wraps himself around jensen is also,,,sweet??? like i don’t know how else to describe how i see it but this moment really reads as jensen, in his weird ‘constructing elaborate rituals’ way is asking for security through a physical touch from misha and he happily obliges and gives jensen what he needs. because i mean...watch it again. jensen ‘fights back’, but not really at all, actually. pretty wimpy counterattack. he literally lets himself be smothered by misha, and i would literally describe what they end up doing as cuddling.

-’i need you, cas. you’re my baby daddy’ i love having an actor’s perspective on things bc i think i can explain what’s going on here. jensen just delivered what was(in his own mind) a rotten take of the lines he’s most scared of delivering. so the scene was already messed up. therefore; ensuing fuckery is warranted to help him feel better. but there’s also for sure more than meets the eye for what he says here because of misha’s reaction after??? like he seemed genuinely touched. first of all, he’s saying ‘you’re my baby daddy’ as half-jensen, but not necessarily dean either(because he didn’t say the previous lines as true to his character...you get it), to misha, not cas. i think i’ve made this point before, but every single innuendo in the gag reels is to misha specifically, never once cas. therefore; logical conclusion: ‘you’re my baby daddy’ was for misha and it meant something deeper than we think because of what follows it

-this part. jensen’s giddy ass smile after he sees misha crack and then misha says ‘yeah, i know’ (can i just say his voice when he says this is so intimate???? like am i intruding guys??? sorry i’ll let myself out) also he is smiling SO BIG

- ‘i know’ ‘why are you laughing?’ ‘no i know i love you too’ this analysis is already so long but i still want to get into what THAT whole exchange means. ‘why are you laughing?’ to me sounds like jensen’s pretending to be affronted by misha laughing at something that is serious. and it’s serious because he quite literally meant ‘i love you’. he did. misha knows it. misha’s really REALLY good at cutting the bs and just getting to what people are actually trying to say. he has an innate sharpness to his sense of humour. so yes, misha is being 100% accurate when he says ‘i know, but you wanted to say it.’ misha isn’t lying here. jensen did want and mean to say ‘i love you’. and then he actually does say it(in a jokey way but not really).

- so yeah. it is actually so romantic??? like in a weird way jensen was professing his love for misha here?????? and that’s why this clip will NEVER. ever. get old.

3. jensen having trouble with pda and projecting onto dean: we can all call ourselves dean coded cas girls but NO one deserves that title more than jensen ackles himself. he is dean winchester but marginally less repressed because he actually did admit he was in love with his best friend and let himself be happy, and pretty early on too. one year and two months as opposed to twelve years. so. happy deancas au is correct. and yes about the pda thing: one day i want to write my own post about both of their body language when it comes to each other, but all i can tell is jensen, even in the early days, couldn’t help himself from flirting with misha, but if misha ever crossed a line, jensen would not be happy. clearly he’s come around, however. what i find sweet is that misha always follows jensen’s lead when it comes to how much affection they’re allowed to show each other onstage. it touches my soul

4. destiel is cockles fault. yeah. and the thing is everyone knows it, too. even non-cockles shippers will explain early destiel as entirely dependant on jensen and misha’s wild chemistry. and that chemistry is easily explained by the fact that misha and jensen are literally just wildly horny bisexuals who were crazily attracted to one another and were falling in love on screen before our very eyes. and when you have THAT insider info(which sounds cray doesn’t it!!!! the destiel actors are in love irl??? huh???) everything really does click into place. why destiel got SO popular when the show and actors never ever intended for it to happen.(i know some people think misha was playing cas as gay the whole time for shits and giggles, and i won’t deny that[especially considering he found out early on that destiel was why he was staying on the show], but i don’t think he really wanted it to amount to anything, nor did he care??? i mean he has the real thing with jensen, for one, so their characters aren’t really as important. for two, he loves joking about destiel because it’s a cultural phenomenon and it’s fascinating, and i’m sure he did ship it because he’s unhinged, but i don’t think it was vastly important to him either way.) destiel got popular because everyone was and is unintentionally reading into the real deal. i could pull up countless gifs that people have used as destiel proof that is actually just jensen and misha being messy. mainly jensen. if i’m being honest. the symbiotic relationship between destiel and cockles is why i’ve stayed onboard the destielcule and shellerscape for three solid months now; because it is utterly fascinating to witness and kind of super beautiful, too.

5. alma(and others). so. i do NOT want to really REALLY get into this in its entirety here and now so i will just give you my opinion on if i think alma is misha or not. also; i don’t want to mention the other poetry accounts here bc i feel like that’s a bigger breach in privacy, but a lot of people do know about alma now. way too many, actually. this is why we can’t have nice things. anyway-to answer your question-there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that yes, misha is running that alma poetry account. i am 100% certain. some people think it’s actually three people and they’re all connected to misha in some way but that is so needlessly complicated. as it goes in psychology; the easiest explanation is probably the right one. it’s just one person running that account, and it is misha collins. i don’t know why it’s so hard to believe KNOWN POET misha collins(who is known to spend most of his free time writing poetry anyway) would have created a secret poetry account to write about his intense secret relationship under an alias and also get legitimate feedback since no one used to know it was him. oh and the handwriting is identical??? you are blind if you do not see that i am sorry. and a million other things prove it’s misha too but yeah all you need to know is yes. it’s him. it would take a literal livestream from a random woman on that account to convince me otherwise. and honestly not even that because a random woman could technically still log in if misha asked her too. so. it would take a hell of a lot to convince me otherwise, clearly. that said DO NOTTTTTTTTTTTT GO ONTO THAT ACCOUNT WITH A SUPERNATURAL RELATED USERNAME AND COMMENT THINGS THAT ARE COCKLES RELATED. ARE YOU BRAIN DEAD WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT’S OKAY. sorry i got heated but god please just don’t be dumb so many people have already gone way too far

6. thank you for your lovely compliment on my analyses!!! i love doing them but i don’t know if people actually like reading them so i really appreciate it

#liz answers #cockles ask #mini analysis #spec #mine

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godsofhumanity · 4 years ago

Text

GODHUNTER by AMY SUMIDA | REVIEW

okiee this was recommended to me by @inkleaves ^-^ uhmm so i have a LOT to say about this book. spoilers under cut.

OVERVIEW: “Godhunter” is the epithet given to a young woman named Vervain who uses witchcraft and magic to go around committing deicide in order to save humanity from gods who drain their energy to gain immortality and other godly attributes. However, when Vervain is recruited by the Norse god Thor, she finds herself in an alliance with the people she originally considered her enemies, as they work together to save the world from the maliciousness of the Aztec god, Huitzilopochtli.

RATING: 2/10. i’m giving it a low rating because it doesn’t really have too much to do with mythology, but i did like its general portrayal of most deities even though this book was insanely cringey and dumb.. now, even though under the cut, i’ve kinda bashed the book quite a bit, i still have to admit that i’d be lying if i said i didn’t have fun reading it. i stayed up to 1 AM trying to finish it because i had to find out what the protag’s next stupid decision would be,, all in all, if you like trash/cringe fiction- this is for you.

WARNING: even though this book is a YA novel, I’d say there’s a definite emphasis on the adult part of “young adult”... Certain scenes and themes are inappropriate for minors.

AVAILABLE ON: pdf link here ^-^ ((i think it downloads immediately if you click))

THINGS I LIKED:

the book is cringe.

great diversity in terms of the god cast. i learned about some new deities that i was previously unfamiliar with, so that was cool

Brahma (Hindu deity) wears a Gucci belt as part of his attire ^-^

whatever Estsanatlehi and Tsohanoai (Native American deities) had going on.... they were really cute and wholesome

THOR-HORUS BROTP AGENDA!!!!!!!! everyone who follows me already knows how keen i am about this idea of all the war deities hanging out together (fite club), and this novel served up exactly that. disappointing that Huitzilopochtli wasn’t a part of it, but i am settling for Thor and Horus’ several centuries old friendship.

Horus’ falcon tattoo detail.. i LOVE the idea of the gods having their sacred animals tattooed,, it’s so awesome!!!

Pan... i liked the way he still had his little horns, and he was kinda chaotic and fun.

in general, the descriptions of the gods were so pleasant and so cool.. i really liked the way that pretty much all the gods were beautiful,, this is very much in line with my own idea of how the gods look, and i think it makes sense, because they’re meant to be charismatic, compelling beings- beings that you worship, beings that you praise- why would they be anything but beautiful? and even if they were considered ugly by other gods, that’s only in comparison to other deities.. from a human perspective,, i just can’t see how any mortal could consider a god to be anything less than perfection,, idk

in particular- i really enjoyed the descriptions of Huitzilopochtli in his debut. i know he’s a piece of shit in the novel, but i LOVED the way he was described with his war-frenzy being triggered by blood, and the way, as god of the sun, his body almost glows, and heats up as though you’re looking into the sun itself, and the only way he can cool it down is by bathing in blood... WOWOWOWOW it’s just such a neat and fantastic visual description. his physical appearance really paid tribute to Huitzilopochtli’s original domain and attributes.

i also liked the linking between Huitzilopochtli being the Father of Vampires.. links between Aztec culture and vampirism is a trope that i didn’t originally suspect, but have become exposed to quite a bit as of late,, and i think that it’s quite a clever little plot. i liked that Huitzilopochtli also debunks superstitions about the sun, garlic, crosses, holy water etc.

Huitzilopochtli as the villain. the man makes a BRILLIANT villain- his motives are very clear and also, i thought, justified, albeit unoriginal. his presence is quite terrifying, and the reader does worry for Vervain’s safety whenever she’s with him- which is good! this means that he fills out his role as a villain well. tbh,, i did love Huitzilopochtli from the moment of his debut, but he got knocked out of my books during a certain temple scene and i have some thoughts about that in the next section.

when Vervain wakes up after the temple dream with Huitzilo, and she relaxes because it was just a dream, but then she looks into the mirror and sees bite marks on her neck!!! CHILLS! now THAT was good writing- it was unexpected, and served well to navigate into the next part of the plot.

Odin and Huitzilopochtli holding a ted talk on “how to create panic and discord among the humans”, and the gods having to bring certain meals depending on what the first letter of their names were.

Vervain’s pop-culture references, and her weaponry- especially the gloves that have blades in them that get released when she swings her hand downwards. very cool, i want them.

casual appearances from Vladimir Putin (yes, i said Vladimir Putin)... i couldn’t stop laughing when i read that Huitzilo was trying to kill Putin’s daughter to instigate a war...... asdhshajdhasdjfhjdhf insane

also i know Vervain was trying to mock Huitzilo when she nicknamed him “Blue”,, but like.. that’s a really cute name and it wasn’t even insulting.. yeah, that one backfired on you Vervain... if anything, that just made it seem like she actually had affections for him and i feel like probably in part is the reason why he felt encouraged to pursue her.

THINGS I DIDN’T LIKE/THINGS THAT DIDN’T MAKE SENSE AND/OR CONFUSED ME:

the book is cringe.

it reads like a 15 year old’s fantasy AU where she’s a humble young woman, unextraordinary- yet somehow, she is the muse of every man’s desire. handsome, ripped gods who never wear clothes are laying themselves down at her feet,, and she is just overwhelmed by the choices before her; and all the while, she has to balance a complicated love life with her duty to save the world (since she’s the only one who can).

Vervain as a protagonist. idk how old she’s meant to be, but since the book is in first-person, and the reader is exposed to her innermost thoughts,, i’ve gotta say- she’s incredibly immature. as a protagonist, i just feel like she’s rude, pretentious, snobby.. she has no idea what “respect” even means. in every scene, she’s either fighting someone, or lusting after them (when Teharon told her off for having lascivious thoughts about him, and she simply responded with “well stop being so sexy then” i wanted to die.... WHAT is wrong with her)

i hate the way she looks down on the gods- even if you didn’t worship them, or even believed in their existence, surely you wouldn’t have the gall to lecture Hades and Persephone on how to be a good couple (especially when your advice is shit). surely you wouldn’t have the gall to say to Thor what Vervain says to him on pg 227, 4th line from the bottom, that i will not repeat here. Vervain is just too self-absorbed. i don’t hate her, but i definitely think her character is a bit,,, iffy.

relating to Vervain as the protagonist- everything just seems to happen to her.. and i know that she’s the protag, and things are meant to happen to her, but it all happens to her one after the other in succession, no breaks. it’s so easy for her... oh? Huitzilopochtli is going to kill Putin’s daughter? no worries, Vervain can read Huitzilopochtli’s thoughts! oh? the gods have never been able to transform more than half their body into their animal form? no worries, Vervain is so powerful she can force a god to change against their will! oh? Vervain is being attacked by blood-thirsty wolves? no worries, she saved the life of one werewolf and now he’s indebted to her and will literally kill himself in order to protect her! everything is easy, and nothing is a problem.

the way every male deity ever sees Vervain once and immediately wants to take her to bed. why was that a necessary aspect of her character? and also, why are the gods portrayed as such lustful beings?? it really wasn’t necessary.

Horus throwing a fit about how December 25 is his birthday and that it was stolen from him by Jesus... to quote:

“No big deal?” Horus puffed up. “I was called the Lamb of God. I had twelve apostles, and my myths spoke of my crucifixion and consequent resurrection in three days. His stories were my stories first!”

it’s fine that Horus is angry about his birthday which was i think, historically celebrated around this date- but the rest of it isn’t even true???? Horus didn’t have 12 apostles, i’m pretty sure he was also not called “Lamb of God”, and he wasn’t crucified!!! aghhhh even Thor says “It’s been so long that even you don’t remember things accurately.”

anyways.. my beef with this is the way it’s phrased so as to imply that “oh christianity just stole everything from the pagans” when this is so incredibly false and sounds like something an ill-informed person would say. you can read more about christianity, paganism and christmas here

kinda related to the previous point- the jokes about Jesus’ skin colour. i quote:

“... when Christ first became a god, he looked Jewish because those were the people he chose to align himself with. However, the Jews didn’t want him, and when Christianity spread, the white people wanted Jesus to look more like them. With the change in belief, Christ’s appearance changed. ... We used to tease him about how he looked whiter every time we saw him... Kind of like Michael Jackson...”

what the FUCK??????? seems like Sumida doesn’t understand that various ethnic groups illustrate Jesus as appearing as the local people do. Yes, obviously in a Western country, Jesus is going to look European, he’s going to look white. If you go to Japan, you will see Jesus and the rest of the gang looking pretty fucking Japanese. the point of this is NOT to erase Jesus’ Jewish ethnicity, and it is certainly not because of something like “the Jews didn’t want him”- it is because it is a way for followers to better relate to the Divine. including Christ in this story isn’t the problem- i’ve seen others do it very well. the problem is how uneducated her writing comes across.

all the gods have human jobs so that they can earn money and stuff,, which is fine- Thor, for example, owns a line of boats, which makes sense. but Pan? his job is making p*rn. now even though it’s true that everyone associates Pan with sexuality and stuff,,, this isn’t his primary role, and making Pan out to be just a playboy who has his mind in the gutter 24/7 i think is a bit of a mockery. Pan is, first and foremost, a god of the Wild. why Sumida elected to make him a p*rn manufacturer and not a wildlife conservationist is beyond me... i’m not even pagan, and i thought this creative decision was distasteful and stupid, especially because his character is actually quite light-hearted and cool.

the temple scene with Huitzilopochtli and Vervain. as i said previously, i really really liked Huitzilo’s character. he made an excellent villain. but this part?? i understand why it was done, but i HATED that it had to happen... not just because it was horrible for Vervain, but Huitzilo seemed so powerful and godly right up to that point- after which he seemed pretty pathetic- going back after Vervain after she’s rejected him countless times. she is JUST a mortal!!! c’mon Huitzilo, give it up!!! you are degrading yourself at the expense of achieving one mortal’s “love”.. the fact that he had to hypnotise her to get what he wanted AND had to achieve it through her dreams (when’s she can’t protect herself) was sooooo pathetic and disgraceful.. IMO, he committed the worst sin any person could ever commit and i just... AGHHHHHHHHH SMH WHY?!

speaking of morons- Thor. Thor just comes across to me as extremely possessive, and over-protective,, and idk how Vervain was NOT creeped out by the fact that Thor had literally been stalking her for two years before she even met him. wtf? god or not- that’s creepy. actually, i think it’s creepier because he is a god.

Sif. i am still waiting for good media representation of thunder god Thor and his beautiful golden-haired wife Sif- i want them to be HAPPY, and i want them to be in love the way they should be!

Persephone. i like the idea of Persephone being sweet-tempered, and kind- but in this book, she’s such a wimp??????? she totally just lets Vervain be rude to her, a goddess who’s name means “Bringer of Destruction”. also- her relationship with Hades seems toxic.. i mean,, he like tracks her? she starts stuttering when she talks to him, and gets nervous when people so much as mention his name. not to mention the fact that Persephone says that when she does go back to him, all he demands from her is a certain horizontal dance so much so that she is “sore” (<- quoting from the book here) every time she returns??????? WHAT IS HAPPENING?????????? and no one even questions it. Vervain doesn’t even question it! instead she suggests that Persephone MOVES IN with Hades permanently???? and that Hades should just start verbally saying how much he loves Persephone instead of “showing” her how much he “loves” her.....??? there are SO many issues with this.. i can’t even- *screams*

the Aphrodite-is-madly-in-love-with-Huitzilopochtli side plot. it could have been really good, but then it ends so abruptly,,, i mean.. why’d Aphrodite get done so dirty like that? Also summary of Hephaestus’ first and final scenes:

Hephaestus, entering the room: Right, what’s all this then? Vervain: Your wife is cheating on you (again) Hephaestus: Aight, i’m out *leaves and never comes back for the rest of the book*

what the HECK was the ending with Trevor?? i hate Vervain so much i can’t... okay first of all- WHY did Trevor decide to have a wolf-marriage with Vervain?? he kept on going on about how she’s so beautiful, and kind, and caring... NO SHE ISN’T TREVOR!!! i’m so mad that he would pledge himself for all eternity to this girl who doesn’t even like him in that way!!! you played yourself son

also- Thor accepts the fact that Trevor is going to have to be close by to Vervain because the terms of the marriage state that Trevor will literally die without her touch, which is VERY GENEROUS of Thor... but Vervain?? ooooh i HATE her.. she has the audacity to look at Trevor with her lecherous eyes thinking about lustful things IN THOR’S OWN BED!!!!! and then she thinks to herself “oh whoops i shouldn’t be thinking that”- yeah you’re darn right you shouldn’t be thinking that!!!! whatttt is wrong with her.............

also- where tf did Huitzilo go??? he just gave up on trying to instigate a war and vanished?? the plot was so unresolved?????? AGH!

#also- i forgot but- the Brad Pitt looking guy on the front cover.. i thought maybe that was meant to be Ull because he's blonde but i guess #it really was Thor in the end?? but Thor in the novel has red hair so what's up with that? how disappointing #person who reviewed this and said ''Vervain's one of the best female heroines today!''- can i have some of whatever you're smoking?#she's so horrible!!! aghhhhh #review #godhunter by amy sumida #long post

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ofanya · 4 years ago

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STATS / PINTEREST / CONNECTIONS / CLASSES

⌠ NATALIA DYER, 21, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, ANYA CASIRAGHI! according to their records, they’re a SECOND year, specializing in AWARENESS TRAINING, BREATH CONTROL, HAND TO HAND COMBAT + RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (embroidery on lace, waking up early to catch the sunset, the scent of fresh strawberries, perfect balance on tiptoes). when it’s the (libra)’s birthday on 9/24/99, they always request their ARANCINI DI RISO from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ kati, 24, she/her, est ⍀ @gallagherintro

INSPIRATION.

cho chang – harry potter

grace blood – skins

esme cullen – twilight

yue – avatar the last airbender

lexi howard – euphoria

laurel castillo – how to get away with murder

jane bennett – pride and predjudice

ann perkins – parks & rec

kwon sun-hwa – lost

BACKGROUND + CLICK FOR BIO.

anya is the third-born casiraghi child after salvatore (oldest) and nico (second-oldest) and the first girl. she’s labeled extremely bright from a young age, but she doesn’t start speaking until she’s almost five years old. the casiraghi parents aren’t even concerned, they don’t think speech is an important quality for a girl.

the first thing she ever says is a full sentence: “i want to go out with the boys.” it’s almost as if she could have spoken this whole time, she’d just been waiting. but of course, she’s told no, and she wants to be part of the lives that nico and salvatore lead but she’s pushed the side and told to be something else, something more ornamental.

goes to ballet and etiquette classes instead ( the casiraghis are taught in their own home, much too good for even the best of private schools ) and often feels like she has to make up or carry things in lieu of the behavior of her younger sister. cecilia is reckless and insolent, does what she likes, and anya is jealous, but not jealous enough to do the same. anya is held to a higher standard as she’s meant to set an example and there’s a bit of bitterness that grows in her because of that.

anya teaches herself as much about finance and business as salvatore and nico, but instead of her business or career prospects, her parents talk only of marriage proposals and future prospects. the education in espionage is a placeholder, she learns things so she’ll be able to make intelligent small talk at dinner parties or be a good companion for a man someday, not because she can run an empire. it’s very frustrating, but she takes this quietly, as always.

(DRUG ABUSE/OPIOIDS TW) anya breaks her ankle in dance practice when she’s 16, a compound fracture. it’ll heal, but she will never be able to dance in the same way again. there’s a numbness inside of her that only seems to be assuaged by the pills prescribed by her doctor that are intended to ease the pain. the pills ease the tightness in your chest every time she sits at the dinner table and long after her ankle heals, anya continues to use the pills like a crutch.

(OVERDOSE TW) she overdoses at 17 and is sent to a rehab facility. the entire ordeal is done very quietly, made to seem like a pleasant vacation – a dirty secret, something to be ashamed of, and it’s emphasized that anya should be so grateful to her family for taking care of her when she’s such a disappointment. she spends the summer at the best facility that money can by, and she returns clean, determined not to be such a disappointment, but the numbness doesn’t seem to quite fade.

she heads to gallagher academy at 19, following her brother nico to school in america. she has no idea of the legal proceedings going on under her nose because she’s just so excited to get out of the house, unaware why her parents are so quick to send her away. nico hates it, finds it unpleasant and uncouth and a lot of the students are slovenly, but anya loves it, thrives under the guise of freedom and the ability to speak in a classroom where her voice matters.

naturally, the casiraghi family loses everything, as you might recall. her parents say that anya’s lucky she’s pretty because she could still marry nicely, and if it’s soon then the casiraghi name might still mean something. they remind anya of how much she owes them, how good they were to her when she attempted to sour the family name.

PERSONALITY.

DIPLOMATIC. is really good at choosing her words in a way that keeps the peace and is very intentional about the language that she chooses to use. she believes a lot in 'fairness’ and everyone getting a fair chance at things, so on, and she’s good at controlling difficult situations without upsetting ppl.

NURTURING. has a very caring personality and always wants to look after others. she’s this way with plants and animals as well, and i think she’s really good at encouraging people to achieve their goals or advocate for themselves, she just can’t...do that for herself. but she will take care of u and smother u but in a loving way.

RELIABLE. will show up at your doorstep in the rain with an umbrella, the first person to complete everything in the group project, if she makes you a promise she will follow through and then some. u can say some shit about anya, but she is fucking dependable and will come through for you whenever you need her most or you don’t think you need her at all, she’s still there.

NON-CONFRONTATIONAL. will go out of her way to avoid a fight or try to keep the peace, she will also do this with others, putting herself in the middle of things to keep other people from fighting – she just will do ANYTHING to avoid a confrontation. annoying tbh.

NAIVE. she really doesn’t know much about the world at large and will always find herself believing the best in people or hoping for the best case scenario when it isn’t always true. this could be seen as a good thing, but i think pretty much anyone has the ability to take advantage of her, it’s not hard.

TIMID. anya has always had trouble advocating for herself and what she really wants, she has a lack of courage when it comes to fighting for her own passions and will easily take a backseat for others to take the spotlight. one direction vc: u don’t know ur beautiful

HEADCANONS.

idk why my brain was like . try to make this char into modern commentary on the 50s housewife but here we are

i had no idea what i was doing with her late-talking thing except trying to somehow manifest how oppressive her home was, but rowan sent me some article about einstein syndrome and how late talkers like anya are highly analytical thinkers so we’re going with that !

was jumped on by a very big dog when she was very small and her face got scratched, so she has a bit of a fear of large dogs...it’s not that she doesn’t like them in theory, they just scare her and she hasn’t seemed to outgrow it.

still loves to dance even though she’s well aware that she could never really do it professionally or on stage because of the way her ankle won’t bend, but you can usually catch her...somewhere on gallagher’s campus where she could practice privately ?

also does a lot of yoga to center herself, she loves early mornings and generally her routine is to get up, make a cup of tea, watch the sunrise and then do a little bit of yoga. routine makes her feel in control so she has a habit of sticking to it.

loves to bake and is really good at it ! happy to binge great british bakeoff with anyone but then she will want to try all of the recipes and challenges herself. she likes the exact science of it and it’s another one of her hobbies that helps her feel like she maintains a sort of balance within herself. if you do it right, it all works out – baking makes sense.

she’s had one certain relationship when she was pretty young and definitely is not a person for one night stands, so...she’s a virgin !

in general she is baby but she is also mom.

does not like most green vegetables but especially brussel sprouts.

will wince when other people curse, has a tendency to speak very proper herself because of the way that she was raised. has extremely good manners, table or otherwise.

gets really easily overwhelmed at big parties or functions with crowds of people and will generally find some excuse in order to, well, excuse herself. she just feels like she has to be ON all the time and it’s very exhausting to her, would much rather curl up and watch movies or something.

is very straight edge, doesn’t drink/smoke/etc as a result of her past, she stays away from anything that could increase temptation and make her fall back into past habits.

had/has a cat at home named gio, technically the family cat but it always felt the most like anya’s and it would sleep with her and everything however since the house was seized, no one has been able to find gio </3

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

best friend – i know, it’s hard to just plot this, but ! i would love someone who maybe was her roommate last year, the first person that anya met on campus and they just clicked right away and made anya feel really at home. i would love if this character was a foil for anya’s nurturing, softspoken nature, so a girl who is a bit louder and more confident.

childhood crush – idk someone who could have known the casiraghi family for years or operated in that scene, maybe from a wealthy family and anya has a long-time unrequited crush on them. anya’s really kind, but she probably acts a bit standoffish or rude toward this character, so they probably think she hates them.

bad influence – a character who’s a bit on the wild side who’s turned anya into their project – they want to get her out of her shell, help anya let loose and get out more, but maybe this is also some bad temptation for her since she has some...old bad habits.

good influence (on) – anya is PEAK mom friend, so i’m looking for a connection that really displays that, someone she looks after. she’s the first person they call when they’re too fucked up and she’s always texting them the homework (and maybe the answers too).

ex-family friends – maybe your character’s family testified against the casiraghi family in the court case and helped send anya’s parents to prison. so, anya and your character used to be close friends but now she avoids your character out of familial obligation.

fake dating? anya’s parents would like to pressure her into an engagement or see her with someone well-off, so if your character is from a rich asf family, perhaps they’ve done anya a solid. they’re not actually fake dating around campus or lying to their friends, but they’re close friends with anya and might go home with her to perpetrate the lie on a holiday when she goes to see sal and maybe they have taken a few cute selfies together for anya to send home – it would probably be YOUR character that suggests this to anya and encourages her to have a bit of freedom, so i imagine our chars would be friends.

first love/ex – someone that anya might have known or met when she was younger, probably through family connections. they would’ve been around 15 at the time, so a genuine first relationship (like probably first kiss for her), but at this age her mental health was really bad and they probably broke up as a result of going to rehab. perhaps they feel guilty about not being more supportive or perhaps they did all they could but it was too heavy? we can discuss, but either way, super angsty.

protector – idk i would just love if someone saw how much of herself she puts into taking care of others and wanted to take care of her/look out for her instead and they’re just that friend who is really protective of her and reminds her to look after herself too

crush – i just want her to have a little bit of a crush/affinity for a girl that helps her realize that she’s not straight because she’s too repressed and never considered anything except heterosexuality til this point idk i just like when girls.

enemy – probably an ex-friend or something like that. maybe anya trusted them with a secret and they betrayed her or they tried to throw her under the bus to gain something. or maybe anya just got on your character’s bad side by being too much of a goody-two-shoes.

idk give me someone that relentlessly flirts with her because they think it’s hilarious that she gets so shy and doesn’t really know what to do about it, and she really does not know what to do about it !

also am down to brainstorm since i know the casiraghis already have a bit of a reputation so...i’m blessed taking a sibling connection and perhaps we can just bounce off of things you’ve already plotted with deanna and/or kit ( cecilia & n*co ) !

#gallagher:intro #drugs tw #overdose tw

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citrinekay · 5 years ago

Note

Hiiii I dunno if you're still doing prompts but i've been thinking about a drabble where Bill and Holden are at home and they're both a little tipsy and Holden talks Bill into slow dancing with him, I just need some cute domestic fluff tbh, thanksss

HI Ash! Sorry for the delay in answering this 😫 life has been so busy and stressful these past couple weeks, but I finally got a chance to sit down and write this little thing that’s been bouncing around in my head ever since you sent this message. Hopefully you are still yearning for the domestic fluff, because this is fluffy to the max! Enjoy 💕

When Holden wakes on Saturday morning, the mellow, morning sunlight creeping across the unoccupied side of his bed illuminates the vacancy in a way that makes his chest tighten. If he closes his eyes, he can imagine the dust motes sailing, hitting bare skin, the radiating warmth of body heat, hands winding around his waist to pull him closer. But he’s never liked feeling needy or dependent on anyone - not until recently.

He tries to set aside the lonely patter of his thoughts, but when he goes into the kitchen to put some breakfast together, his gaze settles nervously on the telephone.

Last weekend, it was Bill’s turn having Brian. The week before that, Holden was over at Bill’s house, and they were making out on the couch. It seems like a small eternity ago, almost unbearable. He wants to call and invite himself over, but Bill has never been the doting type. He doesn’t appreciate clingy behavior or other people invading his personal space. This thing between them is still too new for that kind of closeness.

Holden dispels the thought of calling, and turns his attention to making breakfast. Afterward, he busies himself by checking the contents of the refrigerator and deciding he needs to stop at the grocery store.

On the weekend, the store is fairly busy, and he takes his time shuffling down the crowded aisles and ticking items off his list once they hit the cart. He trolls the familiar shelves by rote, allowing his mind to wander and predict the rest of the day. Maybe he’ll go for a run later or settle in with a book. More than likely, he’ll end up pouring over the case files he brought home with him. Relaxing has never come easy to him, just like the vulnerability of missing someone.

When Holden gets back to his apartment, juggling two paper sacks of groceries and his keys, the shrill ring of his telephone reaches past the front door. Muttering a curse, he sets down one sack in order to unlock the door, and quickly drags the groceries inside. The telephone continues ringing as he knocks the door shut, stumbles past the grocery sacks into the kitchen, and swipes for the receiver.

“Hello?”

“Hey.” Bill’s voice reaches from the other end of the line, at ease and fond, shattering Holden’s dour mood in seconds.

“Bill, hi.” Holden says, a smile pushing unbidden at his cheeks.

“Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“No, I was just coming back from the store. It’s okay. What’s up?”

“Nothing, I was just thinking about you.”

Holden turns to lean his hips against the kitchen counter, and bites back a growing grin. “Really? That’s funny.”

“Why?”

“Because, I was thinking about you.” Holden says, clutching the phone tighter as nervous butterflies rouse in his belly.

“Were you, now?”

“Mm-hm.”

“Well, it seems like we’re on the same page then.” Bill says, his tone modest yet holding a note of anticipation.

“About what?”

“You coming over tonight.”

The butterflies explode, not painfully but joyously. Holden purses his lips, but he can’t help the excited grin that stretches across his mouth.

“That sounds great.” He says, attempting not to betray his over-eagerness.

“Yeah?” Bill asks, the relief in his voice matching the warmth in Holden’s chest. “I wasn’t sure how you’d feel. I know last week in New Hampshire was hard on you. I figured you’d want to rest-”

“No.” Holden says, quickly. “Not at all. I want to come over.”

“Great. We don’t have to do anything crazy.” Bill says, “Order some take-out, watch a movie …”

“Yeah, that all sounds good. When do you want me to come over?”

“I’ve got some chores around the house to finish up. How does five o’clock sound?”

“Good. Perfect.”

“Okay. See you then.”

After they hang up, Holden stands in the middle of the kitchen with a bewildered smile lingering on his face. His fears about coming off as too needy sink below the surface, leaving behind the warm hum of anticipation in his belly. The realization that Bill wants this - them - just as much as he does rises up slowly right next to the bubbling excitement, but Holden doesn’t try to dwell on the particulars; he has to seize this moment while it lasts.

Holden pulls his car into the driveway of Bill’s house at 4:45. He prefers to be early, but today’s punctuality exists more out of uncurbed enthusiasm rather than timely diligence. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from getting himself ready early and leaving his apartment ahead of schedule. He’s sure Bill won’t mind.

Getting out of the car, he jogs up the front steps, and raps his knuckles on the front door. He doesn’t have to wait long before he hears Bill’s footfalls approach and the latch click open.

Holden glances up from his shoes to see Bill holding the door open. He has a kitchen towel over his shoulder, and his cheeks are faintly flushed. Immediately, the mouth-watering scents of cooking dinner wafts from behind his shoulders.

“Hi.” Bill says, his mouth fending off a smug smile.

“Hi…” Holden says, slowly, a frown tugging at his brow.

“Come on in.”

Bill stands aside as Holden creeps across the threshold, pinning him with a curious gaze.

“What smells so good?” Holden asks as Bill pulls the door shut behind him.

Bill’s hand clasps his hip as he leans in to plant a warm kiss on Holden’s cheek. “Dinner.”

“Dinner?” Holden echoes, his brows rising. “You said we were going casual.”

“I know. I wanted to surprise you.”

“I’m practically in pajamas.” Holden protests, haplessly. “I would have dressed up if you told me you were making me dinner and-”

“Hey,” Bill interrupts, his eyes twinkling. “Hush, will you? I’m not worried about what you’re wearing.”

Holden purses his lips, and gently leans into Bill’s chest. Peeking up past his eyelashes and the flush climbing his cheeks, he murmurs, “Right. Sorry. I should be thanking you.”

“You can thank me later.” Bill whispers, planting a fleeting kiss on Holden’s mouth before he turns to go back into the kitchen.

Holden trails behind him, his disbelief growing as he enters the kitchen to see the table set with the nice china dishware and a glass vase at the center that holds a large bouquet of purple and white flowers.

“Wow.” Holden says, pausing in the doorway to gather himself. “Bill, this is …”

“A surprise?” Bill asks as he leans down to open the oven.

“Yes. Very much so.”

Bill pulls the pot out of the oven, and sets it down on the top of the stove. When the lid comes off, the aromatic scent of seasoned pork roast makes Holden’s mouth water.

“Then I succeeded.” Bill says, casting him a smile.

Holden shuffles closer to the table, trying to curb his excitement as he bends over to smell the flowers.

“Are these for me?”

“Yep.” Bill says, sounding casual as he carves into the roast.

“Well, well. I didn’t know you were such a romantic.”

“I’m not. But I figured you would appreciate it.”

“Why’s that? I don’t consider myself a romantic either.”

Bill casts him a dubious glance over his shoulder.

“What? I’m not.” Holden protests.

Bill smirks, and turns his attention back to plating the food.

Holden sighs, and rubs one of the flower petals between his thumb and forefinger. “Well, I have to admit, they are nice. I hope you didn’t spend too much on them.”

“Didn’t your mother teach you it’s rude to ask how much a gift costs?”

“Yes. She also taught me not to kiss boys so …. We’re in new territory, aren’t we?”

Setting aside his fork and knife, Bill turns to catch Holden by the wrist and reel him in. Both arms wind around his waist, pulling him into a firm embrace. A shiver runs through him, leaving his knees weak and his hands clutching at the front of Bill’s shirt. The thrill of warmth ends in his belly when Bill’s eyes swallow him, then his mouth comes down to turn Holden’s world inside out and upside down. Dizzy, giddy satisfaction crushes through his veins at the first sweet dash of Bill’s mouth against his own, increasing to a dazed hum when the strokes deepen and Bill’s tongue slips against his palate.

Holden clings to Bill’s chest until the kiss ends with a slick disconnect of lips and panting breath. He opens his eyes slowly, shuddering.

Bill gazes down at him, a faint smirk resting on the damp corner of his mouth. “I’ve been thinking about doing that all day.” He murmurs.

Holden flushes hotly, and chokes on a reply.

Bill chuckles. “I guess your mom didn’t tell you how great kissing boys would be, huh?”

“Not in the slightest.” Holden whispers, offering a strangled laugh.

“Come on.” Bill says, nudging him toward the table. “Sit down. Dinner’s ready.”

Holden sinks to his chair, grateful for the support now that his legs have been turned to jelly. Part of him had meant to come here tonight feeling in control of emotions and sexually powerful. He’d meant to accept Bill’s invitation, but not act too eager. Ten minutes into the evening and he’s ready to faint like a virgin, longing for another kiss, longing for more - Bill’s hands all over his body, making him forget everything his mother ever taught him.

After Bill sets the dinner plates in front of them and pours them each a glass of wine, he sits down across from Holden with a pleased sigh.

“Go ahead.” He urges as Holden toys with his fork.

“This looks really good.” Holden says, leaning forward to apply his fork and knife to the pork.

Bill watches eagerly as he takes a bite and the tender, juicy flavor fills his mouth.

“Mm, wow. It tastes really good, too.” Holden says around the bite.

“Good.” Bill says, taking up his own fork. “That’s all I wanted to hear.”

They both fall quiet for a few moments as they eat, the quiet clink of silverware on china filtering above the rush in Holden’s ears. He peeks past the bouquet of flowers, feeling his chest swelling and opening the same as the soft petals. It’s difficult to hold onto his stubborn sense of self-sustainability when Bill is treating him this way, making him dinner, giving him flowers, kissing him intimately in a way he knows he’ll never be kissed by anyone else again; but a part of him still clings to his jaded cynicism, the scar tissue on his heart that warns him nothing good lasts forever.

“Bill …” Holden whispers.

“Yeah?” Bill mutters, glancing up from his plate with a warm, expectant gaze.

“Thank you. This is amazing. It feels too good to be true, actually.”

Bill’s mouth tilts with a soft smile. “I know. But it is.”

“In ten years …” Holden says, drawing in a shaky breath. “Are you going to cook me dinner like this?”

Bill’s eyes soften, and his chest rises with a staggered breath. Setting his fork and knife down, he rubs a hand over his mouth.

“You, um … You think we’re going to be together like this in ten years?”

“Well, I … I think so.” Holden says, hurriedly. “I mean, I hope so.”

“Yeah.” Bill says, his voice quietly choked. “Me, too.”

Holden lowers his head, pressing his eyes shut against the sudden sting of tears. Bill’s hand creeps across the table to clutch over his knuckles, grounding him into this moment that feels too perfectly constructed for his reality.

“You okay?” Bill asks, gently.

Holden nods, swiping briskly at his eyes. “Yes, fine. Good, actually.”

“Okay, good. That’s a relief. I didn’t think I was that rusty in the kitchen.”

Holden chokes on a laugh, and shakes his head. “No, it’s not the food. The food is amazing. You’re amazing, I just-”

He stops as their eyes meet across the table, and he realizes he’s shown too much - more than he ever has with anyone else. In just a few minutes, his walls have crumbled to the ground.

He clears his throat of the forming knot, and manages a calm expression.

“It’s just that good things normally don’t last long for me.” He says, “Everything has always felt temporary.”

Bill’s knits with concern and determination. He gives Holden’s hand another squeeze.

“Well,” He says, “It isn’t this time.”

After the dishes are cleared away and the bottle of wine is diminished to a few lingering sips, Bill and Holden relax on the couch with the television playing at low volume and a Sinatra record spinning on the turntable.

Holden isn’t paying much attention to the sports cast debating the upcoming football draft as he cuddles underneath Bill’s arm, his cheek pressed to Bill’s chest. Bill’s fingertips wander up and down the back of his arm, rousing warm tingles down his spine while the other hand guides a cigarette to and from his lips.

Tilting his head back, Holden studies Bill’s face in the low light, the familiar edges of his jawline, his bladed cheekbones, his eyes as moody as incoming rain. He knows these planes and slopes well, has memorized each facet through sleepless, lovelorn midnights. He thought he knew everything there was to know about Bill, but tonight surprised him - and his morning concerns that Bill might find him too needy or even annoying suddenly seem ridiculous.

The record hums static for a moment before the next song starts, the sweet, languid opening notes of “The Way You Look Tonight.”

Hesitation cast aside, Holden sits bolt upright from Bill’s chest, and clutches his arm.

“I love this song.”

Bill’s attention breaks from the television to pin Holden with a bemused smile. “Yeah. It’s a good one.”

“It’s one of my mom’s favorite songs.” Holden says, climbing to his feet. “We used to slow dance to it in the kitchen.”

“There you go with your mom again.”

“She has good music taste. Obviously.” Holden says, tugging on Bill’s hand. “Come on.”

“Come where?”

“Come on. Dance with me.” Holden says, offering his most imploringly coy gaze.

“Oh, no.” Bill says, shaking his head. “I think I’ve fulfilled enough romantic duties for tonight.”

“Duties? You seemed pretty pleased with yourself.”

“Yeah, well. You said you weren’t a romantic either.”

“Maybe I lied a little.” Holden says, giving Bill’s hand another firm tug. “Please?”

Bill gives a labored sigh, but quickly sets aside his cigarette and climbs to his feet.

“Here.” Holden says, guiding Bill’s left hand to his hip and catching the right hand in his own grasp. “I’ll lead.”

“Holden, I know how to dance.” Bill says, flipping their hands over so that his is on top.

“Do you?”

“Yeah, it’s just been awhile.”

Holden purses his mouth shut as Bill’s palm flattens against his lower back, drawing him so close that their mouths nearly collide. A chuckle rises up in his belly, the last of his misgivings melting away beneath the duress of Bill’s embrace and half a bottle of a wine simmering in his veins. It feels too good to resist now that he’s wrapped up in Bill’s arms, their bodies swaying against one another while Sinatra croons a saccharine, lovesick melody.

They’re quiet through the first verse as they rock back and forth, turning in a slow circle in the middle of the living room carpet. Holden wraps his arm tighter around Bill’s shoulders, and lowers his head to the warm cradle of Bill’s neck.

“I have a confession.” He whispers as the song swells into the chorus.

“Hmm?”

“I thought about calling you this morning before you called me.” Holden whispers, lifting his head from Bill’s neck to cast him a sheepish smile. “But I didn’t want to seem clingy.”

“Clingy?” Bill echoes. “Why would you seem clingy?”

“Well, we see each other every day at work, and we were just together all weekend the other week. I just thought-”

“That I didn’t miss you?”

Holden pauses, his throat knotting again. “Well, um … yes.”

“I missed you a lot when you were in New Hampshire.” Bill says, leaning in to kiss Holden’s lower lip softly. “I do every time we have to go out of town for work.”

Holden leans into the kiss, but Bill’s mouth only strokes softly for a few moments before he pulls back, his forehead nudging against Holden’s.

“Can I be completely honest with you right now?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Good.” Bill says, his hand squeezing against Holden’s lower back. “Because I don’t want to waste anymore time. I’ve wasted years, you know. Years I can’t get back.”

Holden frowns, feeling his chest begin to quiver. “Years?”

“Yes. Years without this - without you.” Bill says, glancing away with a coarse scoff as the words choke in his throat. “Fuck. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Holden murmurs, leaning closer.

They’ve stopped dancing, but their hands are still clasped in mid-air. Holden doesn’t feel like letting go of Bill’s hand.

“I don’t know.” Bill says, “I guess I thought this would be easier if I persuaded you with dinner and flowers and wine.”

“Persuaded me?” Holden echoes.

“Yeah.” Bill says, shifting a misty gaze back to Holden. He draws in a slow breath. “But you’re going to make me say out loud, aren’t you?”

Holden swallows hard. There’s a buzzing in his ears that doesn’t quite feel like panic. His belly is surging, flipping. They’re rushing towards a precipice that they can’t turn back from. He’s carving out pieces of himself and handing them over. Willingly. They both are.

“Look,” Bill says, lowering his head again, “I know it’s hard for both of us to say how we feel, but I can’t keep pretending that this is some kind of phase or fling or- … It means more than that to me, and you were talking about ten years from now so I know you do too.”

Holden adjusts his grasp on Bill’s hand. Both of them are sweaty with nerves, but he doesn’t want to let go.

Bill lifts his head. His eyes are clear, resolute. There’s a pause, not the quiet before a destructive storm but the anticipation before a deliverance of rain.

“I love you.” Bill says, quietly.

Holden draws in a hitched breath, and tears instantly sting his eyes. Overwhelmed, he buries his face in Bill’s neck, and wraps both arms around his shoulders. Sinatra’s serenade swells below the surge of his heartbeat, the broken, lonely pieces of himself coming back together again.

Bill holds him close until he can breathe again, until he can look up and look into Bill’s eyes without crumbling entirely.

“I love you, too.” Holden chokes out, a tear streaking down his cheek in the same moment that he begins to laugh for joy.

“You do?” Bill asks, a hopeful smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Yes.” Holden nods, pressing a series of affirming kisses to Bill’s mouth, mumbling the response again and again into the narrow space between their mouths.

Bill’s hand strokes away the last of his tears before it takes up Holden’s hand into the dancing position again. As they begin to sway once more, Holden nestles his cheek against Bill’s shoulder. His mind goes quiet, not for the first time, but for the first time in a very long time, in so long that he’d almost forgotten what this kind of contentment feels like. Relief rushes through him, a nebulous epiphany of bliss. In this moment, he can see every second of the future, the two of them together just like this. Nothing lasts forever, but some things are infinite.

#bill x holden #my writing #ashtheironbat

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seokjinsdisciple · 5 years ago

Text

A Tiny Favor

jimin x reader, ex!namjoon x reader

warnings: supernatural, some language maybe, tbh this one is pretty pg

Word Count: 1.7k

The lights surrounding the bus stop were flickering, you checked over your shoulders a few more times. It was almost 2AM, the bus out of your run down town was running late, and as much as you wanted to go back to the comfort of your own home, you knew that was impossible. You sat on the uncomfortable stone bench the terminal has outside, thinking about all of the reasons you were leaving this godforsaken town.

Yes, you hated it here, your job didn’t pay you as well as it should and your rent was more expensive than it needed to be. Those were all good reasons, you tried to convince yourself, but you knew the real reason why you had left was your now ex-boyfriend. It’s not like there had been anything wrong, at least, that you could prove. Namjoon had just started acting weirdly, and it put you off. So now, you were running away. Like the absolute coward, you were.

It was almost funny that you had been so lost in your thoughts that you hadn’t seen him approach. That was, until you felt a presence next to you.

Luckily, your eyes met with someone who was not your ex, but that didn’t make you feel any better. This man was gorgeous, and when you say gorgeous, you meant it. His perfect complexion, blonde hair, and smile took your breath away. As you tried to gain your composure, the most beautiful laugh you have ever heard filled your ears.

“I would tell you to take a picture because it’ll last longer, but to be frank, my beauty wouldn’t show up.”

You rolled your eyes then, of course, a man that beautiful would be full of himself.

“You look like you are deep in thought,” he smiled, a knowing smile playing on his lips for just a second, “wanna talk about it?”

You took one last look at his face before letting out a sigh, “I don’t like talking to strangers about my problems.”

“I’m not a stranger!” He spoke, a flash of hurt crossing his face, but leaving as quickly as it had come, “I just meant that we can be friends…”

You knew this wasn’t smart. Telling a stranger everything about your life could get you into serious trouble, especially after you had gone through so much effort to try and disappear. There was just something so familiar about this guy that made you comfortable enough to start your story.

You explained the whole situation about Namjoon, explaining details you had once forgotten, and answering any lingering questions. When he asked you to start at the beginning and tell you everything about this guy, you were shocked. It wasn’t exactly a short story, and most of your friends hadn’t cared to hear the whole story. But he was invested, hanging onto your every word as if his life depended on it. So you told that story too, and before you knew it, you had told him more stories than you could count. When a comfortable silence fell, he tsked.

“Tell me,” he spoke, searching your eyes with his own, “Do you believe in God?”

At this you just scoffed, your life has been way too much of a mess for there to be a higher being involved in it.

“I believe in ghosts more than I believe in God,” you laughed, glancing at the man’s half-smile.

“Hmm, I think you are like a lot of people,” he winked, causing a laugh to bubble out of your throat, “We still haven’t introduced ourselves.”

“Ah,” you groaned, having been too invested in your stories to be polite, “I’m Y/N.”

“Y/N,” the man smiled, “I’m Jimin.”

“Thank you for listening to my stories, Jimin.” You smiled, glancing at the clock outside of the terminal, “What the-”

It read 1:52AM, only 10 minutes later than the time it had been when you looked at it at least an hour or two ago. Jimin followed your gaze, another knowing smirk on his lips.

“Hm,” He sighed, glancing at the curious look in your eyes with a smile, “I guess it’s broken.”

You just nodded, standing up, “I’ll be right back Jimin, I have got to use the ladies room.”

He just smiled and waved you off, as you curried away, leaving your bag there just in case he thought you were trying to run away from him.

You noticed the empty desk before you pushed the door into the office open. A bell sounding as you made your way inside. You were planning on asking the nice woman who had helped you earlier where to find the bathrooms, but at her empty desk, you were forced to look around yourself.

It took you a few minutes of wandering through the winding hallways to find the restroom, but you did it. As you finish up, you took a look at yourself in the mirror, and while you had been outside for most of the night, you looked terrible. You took a moment to splash water on your face and freshen up before returning to Jimin. As you make your way back to the front office, the buzzing noise returned. You pressed a comforting hand to your head, mostly as an attempt to stop the buzzing.

“You ok, dear?” The woman asked from behind the front desk. Taking in your distressed appearance and smiling lightly, “We get a lot of people trying to run away, but I do gotta say, not many people talk to themselves.”

You frowned, “I’m sorry?”

“Oh, I didn’t mean any offense dear, it just looked like you were talking very passionately to yourself. Had to assure other passengers you weren’t going crazy.”

Your eyes flickered over to the window, Jimin’s frame in view from here. Why would she possibly think you were talking to yourself? It’s not like he was hidden from view, in fact, you could see Jimin as clear as day. Not wanting to upset her, and frankly a little confused, you just laughed and gave her a passive excuse, your thoughts drifting to the mysterious man on the bench.

When you found yourself at the bench, Jimin smiled again. You weren’t going to fall for that this time, however. You were convinced something was up with him, and you were going to figure it out.

“Do you wanna tell me why the front desk lady is asking me why I’m talking to myself?” You asked, putting on your most intimidating face and scowling as Jimin’s lips curved up. His smile almost conveying a sense of pride in the question you asked.

“I’ll answer that soon, YN,” he laughed, “But first, allow me one more question?”

His voice was sickeningly sweet, and before you could deny him, you found yourself nodding yes. Your body completely betraying your mind.

“Hm, I thought so,” he smiled, “I know you don’t believe in God, but what do you think about guardian angels?”

You had to laugh, your grandma had always firmly believed in her guardian angel, and she died believing that her’s would save her. But she was dead, and no guardian angel ever showed itself.

“I think guardian angels are just ways that people cope with troubling and traumatic situations.”

“Interesting,” he smirked, another knowing look crossing his features, “and tell me, YN. How would you feel if you had just been told your entire existence was merely a coping method?”

You didn’t get it at first, his question swirling around in your brain for a few moments before it clicked. And when it did, you couldn’t help but burst out laughing, barely breathing because you were laughing so hard.

“You mean to tell me,” you paused, trying to catch your breath from your laughter, “That you are a guardian angel.”

“Not just any guardian angel, love. Yours.”

You burst into another fit of laughter, he was insane. There was no other explanation. You wiped the tears from your eyes, the smile dropping as your gaze fell onto Jimin. Jimin who you had been sitting with all night. The same Jimin who now had blindingly bright wings behind him. Your laughter was cut short, a sense of awe replacing your features. You blinked, and when you did, his wings were gone.

“I thought you might need a little bit of proof.”

You took a deep breath, closing your eyes and taking all of this information in. His sudden appearance on the bench, and the other customers not being able to see him. It was all adding up. But this was insanity. There was no such thing as a guardian angel. Plus, if he was actually your guardian angel, he was doing a shit job.

“Are you new or something?” you asked, the thoughts of all of the shit things that had happened in the past year circling your mind, “because you might need to get more training or something.”

Jimin just scoffed, “This past year, wasn’t me, love. In fact, I haven’t been able to protect you since that douche started dating you.”

It was true, all of the bad shit that has happened to you has happened after you started dating your ex, but that makes no sense. Literally, how would that stop your so-called guardian angel to not be able to reach you?

“But, why come see me now? And tell me all of this?”

“Well,” Jimin started, “Heaven’s in a bit of a tough spot, and to be frank, we need your help.”

“My help, why on earth would you need my help?”

“You’re special, YN. So, I promise to help you get anything that you want if you help me with this itty, bitty, tiny little favor.”

“What is the favor?” You asked, your heart rate accelerating at his proposal. Your breath caught in your throat as he showed you a picture of your ex. The one you were currently trying to leave.

“I’m assuming you recognize him?” Jimin asked, his face serious for one of the first times all night. You could only nod, to which Jimin nodded back, “I need you to kill him.”

“What?” You questioned, “How can you possibly expect me to kill someone for you! I don’t even know you! Plus Namjoon’s my ex-boyfriend, how could killing him possibly save Heaven?”

“Just trust me, YN. You need to kill him.”

“You can’t actually that I’d kill another human being for you!?”

“No, no, no. I don’t want you to kill a human, darling,” Jimin smirked, his eyes twinkling with a boyish sense of excitement, “I want you to kill God.”

a/n: i was completely inspired by this post, and this is what came about from it. Plus the fact that Jimin is my ult and i haven’t written anything for him is shameful. i might be open to a part two but who knows!!

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shcnley · 4 years ago

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╰ ✧ ZOEY DEUTCH. MUSE SEVEN. BISEXUAL. ❞ say hello to the s club’s very own SHANLEY EVANS! a TWENTY-THREE year old CISFEMALE that goes by SHE/HER pronouns. i heard they were voted MOST TALKATIVE in high school, which says a lot about them because they’re very VIVACIOUS and DEPENDABLE, but watch out for their IMPULSIVE and STUBBORN side as well. i hope they’re ready to take a break from being a TEACHER and finally get this summer started!

hiiii friendssss, i’m gigi!!! and here’s my lil french fry lovin’ bb, shanley. sooo excited to plot w/ you allllll <333

B A S I C S

full name: shanley nicole evans gender: cisfemale pronouns: she/her sexuality: bisexual age: 23 years old birthday: january 27th 1997 birthplace: NYC currently living: chicago, il relationship status: single zodiac: aquarius sun, virgo moon, leo rising occupation: teacher ( 1st grade )

I N S P O

characters: jessica day ( new girl ), lorelai gilmore ( gilmore girls ), harper ( set it up ), summer roberts ( the o.c. ), alexis rose ( schitt’s creek ), & amy march ( little women ). music: click this sentence for playlist !! pinterest: click this sentence for pinterest !!

B A C K G R O U N D

kso, i’m going to be honest. shanley had an extremely normal and happy childhood. her parents met in high school, fell in love and were married after graduating college. her father ( theodore evans / think sandy cohen from the oc ) is an executive vice president of an insurance company while her mother ( clara evans / think kristina braverman from parenthood ) is a stay-at-home mom. born and raised in new york city. she has an older sister ( haddie evans / think prue halliwell from charmed ) who is three years older, she has an extremely close relationship with her. shanley is obsessed with family, tbh. she tells them just about everything. they had dinner together every night and talk about their days, have inside jokes, go on family vacations every summer ( before sclub summers ). overall, her parents are very loving and supportive, wanting only the best for their daughters. in high school, shanley was convinced she wasn’t like other girls *pUkeS*. she was very outgoing. like she literally made friends with anyone and everyone. a friendly face; probably the student who showed the new students around. it was rare to see shanley upset or rude to anyone unless she was defending someone. she had good grades (our shanny was v advanced), kind of a teacher’s pet but like still got her seat moved or sent to the hallway because she wouldn’t stop talking. i almost made her superlative most likely to say something stupid because like that’s her too. she was on the yearbook committee, played volleyball, and was a part of the student government. if she wasn’t at school or home, you would most likely find her with arlo, which whew. a story there. when it came to the sclub, she spent whatever free time she had left with them. encouraging all the trouble; shanley will do ANYTHING you tell her to and probably doesn’t think about it. don’t give her dumbass a dare because she will do it. sorry , i forgot what i was going to say; let’s change topics. NO i remembered, lets carry on. she’s always up for a good time. don’t hesitate to invite shan...even if you don invite her...she’ll invite herself SO. fast forward to college, shanley was accepted to loyola university and moved to chicago. how excite!!!! kso she always knew she wanted to go away for school yanno be miss independent thats why they love her BUT college life wasn’t easy, not in the beginning at least. she was going through a breakup and lost herself for a while. became cold and detached; honestly after the break up her routine was to go to class then back to her dorm, study, cry and repeat. she was only friends with her roommates till finally they forced her to go out and deal with her heartbreak the “””normal””” college way aka getting stupid drunk. *tiktok vc* it izz what it izz. joined a sorority then dropped it because it was too culty for her. she got a part time job at insomnia cookies. slowly became high school shanley again. her spirits were especially lifted when she began student teaching. the kids made her so happy. they also proved to her that teaching was what she was meant to do. next thing ya know, four years are up and our girl has a degree in elementary education. no one probably asked but her love life !!! like mentioned earlier shanley is single. she was convinced she was going to end up marrying arlo, maybe not right after high school like people assumed but eventually. they just connected on another level so when he ended things after their first year of college, shan was crushed. but if you’re curious, she's still got the hots for arlo. are we surprised tho? no? exactly. thanks for reading, pals. dsjkn okay i’ll add more. fine. so she hooks up with people and goes on dates but no one sticks. she doesn’t want them to stick either. she knows she had that like one great love and doubts she’ll ever feel it again so she just prefers to be on her own. she don’t need no man !!!!!!!! except for one...but mind ur business. so like what is shanley nicole evans up to now? well, her original plan was to move back home once she had graduated. but she was offered a teaching position in chicago and gladly accepted it. she figured since she loved living in chicago so much and it was at the school where she completed her student teaching; it all felt right for her to stay there. this was a fresh start for her. and she got it!! ya girl moved into a beautiful ( expensive ) apt near lake shore drive, started her own tiktok account where she randomly went viral and fell in love with all her students who she calls her kiddy beans!!

E X T R A !!

has 4 tattoos: portrait of her dog, on her left calf // why? again obsessed w/ her dog aquarius symbol, on her right outer elbow side // zodiac hoe. Is v proud coffee mug, on her right wrist side // her first tattoo. couldnt think of anything else. honey bee, back of her arm above elbow // got really drunk, heard a song, thought of arlo, ended up at a shop with friends as a joke and woke up the next morning with it. 8 piercings: 3 each lobe. Industrial ( left ). tragus ( right ). sings when she talks sometimes most of the time speaks in really bad accents; new jersey being her fav is always in a dress...look at her pinterest...all she has is dresses. she likes to show off her legs ok. obsessed with animals ( if she’s not paying attention, its bc she’s thinking about her dog and/or bunnies ), coffee, and junk food. a jonas brothers stan, nick is her favorite brother. shelf is her favorite song. cries whenever she hears when you look me in the eyes ( she sang it to arlo when he took her to their concert ). has a big following on tiktok. on the teacher side. she posts her ootd and weird shit her students have said. sometimes even reenacts scenes from new girl. a reality tv show about birds she sees. its quite entertaining. potatoes and pasta are her favorite foods. grew up making fairy gardens has a concentration face dances for no and every reason.especially if she’s excited or beat someone in something. rambles way too much, forgets what she’s talking about mid sentence, attention span of a fruit fly. she has a hammock named bartholomew and she chills on it when she’s sad...so most of this trip. :-)))

welcome 2 the end; gimme all ur plots. i wanna plot with you all. i am down for everything and anything.

#schq:intro #<33333 #theres more i want 2 add but i wanna get this out already fjdsjk #i added more tingz jkfs

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kazablanka96 · 5 years ago

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hi! may i ask how you do your edits? they look awesome, but it doesnt look like the regular film grain effect everyone else uses! i want to achieve that effect too! :)

Hi anon! I’m not sure if by edits you mean gifs or graphics, so here I’m going to talk about the graphics because I’m afraid I’d end up making an unasked-for in-depth tutorial on how I make gifs. If I managed to get this wrong and you meant gifs, please don’t hesitate to correct me.

Creating this effect on edits is the simplest step in making them, tbh. It’s only one step. I’m sure others have better methods, but out of all the more advanced ones I tried, I like this way better, so um, yeah.

I already try to download everything in high quality, but I don’t think that’s as important honestly because one of the best things about the grain effect is that it removes the distortions/weird pixels (idk what they are called but they are the things you really don’t want in your image and usually only get worse with coloring) which come as a byproduct of low quality videos/images.

I’d take a snapshot of the moment I want to use, like this one:

I use Photoshop CS6, but that’s only recently. Photoshop CS5 is pretty much better the same. First things first, I’d convert the image into a Smart Object (Filter > Convert for Smart Filters), resize it (I usually make them bigger than 540px but these are just for demonstration and I don’t want them to take forever to load) then edit it here and there, until I end up with the result I like before adding the effect:

Then I’d duplicate all the layers and merge them (either by selecting them all and choose “Merge Layers” from the right-click menu, or select them all and click Ctrl+E) (please don’t merge the layers without duplicating them. You want to always have the ability to make changes on your edit.) Then go to Filter > Noise > Add Noise and choose somewhere between 5 and 9, depending on how grainy I want my edits and how large the image is.

And because I’m a nerd, this is what I meant by it fixes the unwanted distortions in an image, which would be really helpful if you make edits. Bucky’s jacket here, for example:

And this is how the image looks like with Noise set to 4 (don’t judge the coloring here, this is me making minimal effort):

So yeah. I hope this was even slightly helpful to you anon or anyone else.

#thank you anon for giving me an excuse to use that ouat jefferson moment #i saw an opportunity and i took it #answered #sebastian stan #tutorials

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lostinthewiind · 6 years ago

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Verbal Volatility - Part 3

Johnny Martin - Band of Brothers

Okay, so, I went kinda ham on this. I really hope y’all like it cuz tbh writing this made me feel some type of way.

(Part 1) (Part 2)

Synopsis: both you and Martin know that what’s happening between you is wrong on so many levels, but sometimes the body takes over for the mind, and your bodies want nothing more than to be pressed up against each other.

Warnings: ***SEXY TIME***

Martin’s eyes were dark; so dark that you swore you could see your reflection in them. You looked small in his irises. Your face was flushed with a mixture of shock, fear, and excitement. Your feelings were a mix of much of the same as well.

His large hands were on your sides and the small of your back was pressed hard into the table behind you. Flashbacks of the last time you had been alone with him crossed your mind, then you played back all the words he had just said to you.

So many words with so many meanings.

He needed you.

What did that even mean? You thought you knew, but you hoped you were wrong. A part of you begged for him to come to his senses, turn around, and leave, but another part of you never wanted him to let go of you.

His hands on you felt so wrong, but oh, so right.

“We don’t have to do this.” you managed to speak even though it felt like you couldn’t even breathe. “You can still walk away.”

Martin shook his head as his fingertips dug into your skin. “No, I can’t.”

“Do you want to?”

“I don’t think so…no.”

Although morning would be upon you soon, it was still dark outside, which meant there was very little light in the small room you and Martin were holding each other in. The pale moonlight lit up the features of his handsome, brooding face as he stared down at you, his tongue running over his bottom lip and his eyes filling with a hunger that struck you with a sense of anxiety and anticipation deep in the pit of your stomach.

The last time you had been pressed up against a table by Sergeant John Martin, things hadn’t gone smoothly in the least. A great desire inside of you wanted this time to be different.

Placing your hands on Martin’s chest, you pushed him back and stepped out from between him and the table. Martin watched silently as you walked toward the door and reached for the handle.

Your fingers wrapped around the cool metal of the doorknob and you paused. All you had to do was open the door and walk out and you could avoid so many confusing emotions and conflicting feelings.

All you had to do was twist the handle, but you didn’t. Instead, you twisted the lock. With the loud click, you turned back around to face Martin. For a few seconds, he just stood there and watched you. His gaze made you nervous in a way you had never been nervous before. It felt like he was looking at every inch of you despite the fact that you were still dressed from head to toe in your uniform.

Then he was walking toward you, and instead of backing away like you usually did, you met him halfway. His arms snaked around your waist, yours around his neck, and your lips collided. The kiss was full of passion, but it was fueled by something deeper. Every time his lips smashed against yours a wave of guilt washed over you, but then the tide of negativity was pulled back out to the ocean of emotions and you were left with nothing but want and need for the man before you.

Little words had been spoken between the two of you since he had admitted he needed you, but that was okay. Somehow, the lack of words made everything easier, almost as if, if you never spoke, it wasn’t really happening.

You could still feel the anger radiating off of Martin, but the emotion helped drive him; it allowed him to push Patricia out of his mind and trap himself in the moment with you.

Martin’s hands quickly drifted up to your chest, his palms massaging your breasts over the thick clothing before he yanked the zipper down and pushed the large jacket off of your shoulders.

You shuddered at the sudden direct contact with the cold air, but he quickly remedied that by ghosting his fingertips up and down your arms, his touch leaving behind streaks of heat behind it. Never before had you felt so many things at once and the overwhelming stimulus was already beginning to cause your head to swim.

Martin’s jacket was the next article of clothing to hit the ground, leaving both of you in your undershirt t-shirts. Reaching down, you slipped your hands under Martin’s shirt and ran your nails along the skin of his chest. Martin moaned into your mouth as he grabbed you by the waist of your pants and tugged you flush against his body.

Before you knew what was happening, Martin’s calloused hand was down your pants and rubbing you over your underwear. Your knees nearly buckled under your weight at the sudden burst of pleasure and Martin smirked into your mouth, your reaction filling him with confidence.

When you managed to regain a part of your composure, you decided that two could play at that game. Your fingers fumbled with the button and zipper of his pants for a few seconds, but once you had more room to work, you grabbed his package hard over his boxers.

Martin let out a low growl and captured your bottom lip between his teeth, biting down hard and drawing the smallest amount of blood. The metallic taste on both of your tongues was something that neither of you had expected but found immense satisfaction in.

For a few minutes, the two of you stood in the middle of that small, dark room, your mouths working together in a frantic but perfectly timed rhythm and your hands down each other’s pants, slowly teasing and drawing out moans of pleasure from one another.

Martin slowly worked his kisses down your jaw and neck, and when he reached your shoulder, he bit down on your skin, pushed your underwear out of the way, and plunged two fingers deep inside of you.

You let out the beginning of a scream before you buried your face into Martin’s neck to muffle your cries of euphoria. “Feels good, doesn’t it?” it had been such a long time since you had heard Martin’s voice that its low, raspy nature brought goosebumps to your skin and only increased the pleasure you were feeling right then.

“Mmm…” you could only squeak out as he curled his fingers inside of you, his other hand grabbing hard onto your ass to keep you from completely collapsing in his arms from his touch.

You clung to your fellow Sergeant hard — like your life depended on it —, your one hand continuing to stroke his shaft weakly, your movements slow and delayed as you focused on the digits and moisture between your legs and inside of you.

Suddenly, Martin pulled his fingers out of you, leaving with you an awful sense of emptiness. “N-no.” you whimpered into his ear. “No, don’t.”

“Don’t worry, you won’t be hollow for long,” he assured you as he picked you up and carried you over to the table. As soon as your ass dropped down hard onto the wooden surface, he placed his palm on your chest and pushed you down until you were lying flat on your back.

“You better not make a fucking sound,” he warned; the aggressive tone of his voice sending chills up and down your spine.

You nodded your head unconvincingly. “I won’t.”

The Sergeant made quick work of your boots, pants, and underwear. In a matter of seconds, you were stark naked from the waist down. Dipping his head lower, Martin licked a stripe between your folds. You had to force your mouth shut as you gripped onto the sides of the table. Your head pressed down hard into the wood and your back arched uncontrollably.

Every movement the man between your legs made with his mouth was laced with anger and guilt, but in a way, it made everything feel so much better.

Martin ate you out for a little while longer, his teeth grazing over your bundle of nerves once or twice as he sucked and licked all over, making sure you were completely ready for him.

With his lips shining from your juices, he straightened up again and pulled his stiff cock out. With one hand pressing onto your lower stomach to keep you in place and the other gripping his shaft, Martin teased you with himself, his full length gliding in between your folds.

“M-Martin.” his name slipped from your lips so easily that is was like you had said it like that a hundred times before.

“I said-” he pushed himself all the way inside of you in one quick, jolting motion. “-not a fucking sound.”

Instead of begging for more like you wanted to, you wrapped your legs tight around his waist, pulling him in and forcing his cock as deep inside of you as it could go.

Grabbing hard onto your hips, Martin glared down at you, his eye contact intimidating and tantalizing as he began to thrust into you over and over again. Your death-grip on the table tightened — if that was even possible — and you bit down hard on your tongue to keep yourself from letting even the smallest whimper escape.

The room was completely silent, save the sound of skin slapping against skin and laboured, ragged breathing.

You hated to admit it, but Martin knew how to fuck like you had never experienced before, and you weren’t sure if it was because he was married or in spite of it.

Your eyes met Martin’s for a brief second and you couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking about. Was he thinking about you? Was he thinking about Patricia? Was he thinking about anything at all?

As if he could read your thoughts, Martin reached down, grabbed a fistful of your shirt, and pulled you up, tearing you from your intruding mental questions about what was in his own mind.

Hooking his arms under your knees, Martin adjusted his grip higher up on your sides and pulled you flush against him. Once again, your lips were encapsulated by his. His mouth tasted like a combination of both you and him, and the thought that his tongue that had once been between your folds was now down your throat was thrilling to no end.

The pressure began to build in your core and you could feel yourself approaching your climax, but a part of you never wanted Martin to stop fucking you. You wished you could remain in that state of sexual limbo forever.

You knew you weren’t supposed to talk, so you settled on digging your nails into his skin and throwing your head back to let him know you were close. Martin seemed to get the message because as soon as your lips pulled away from his, he began to pound into you at an alarming and aggressive rate.

You were close. God, you were so fucking close and you wanted nothing more than to tell him how good he was making you feel.

“Say my name,” Martin growled suddenly, the sound of words leaving his mouth almost startling you a little.

You lifted your head again and looked at him with furrowed brows. “But, you said-”

“I know what I said.” he buried himself inside of you to the hilt and stopped his movements altogether. “Now I’m telling you to say my fucking name.”

“Okay.” you nodded, and as he started to fuck you again, you relished in the ability to be able to allow his name to spill from your lips. “Martin…” you tested the waters and grew more confident when he didn’t snap at you or take away your pleasure again. “John…Johnny…fuck me harder.”

“Who’s the best fuck you’ve ever had?” he growled low as he pushed you further and further toward the metaphorical edge.

You clung to Martin desperately as the waves of pleasure began to build up, stronger and stronger, faster and faster. “You are,” you answered.

“No!” he lifted you up for a brief moment so he could slap you hard on the ass. “Say my goddamn name. Who’s the best fuck you’ve ever had?”

“Johnny Martin.” you fixed your response.

“Again,” he demanded.

“Johnny Martin.”

“Again.”

With one final thrust, your eyes rolled back in your head and your whole body began to shake violently in pure ecstasy. “Johnny Martin!” you screamed out, your walls contracting around him and drawing out his own orgasm.

Pulling out of you at the last second, Martin came hard onto your thigh and let out a guttural groan. As you both came down from your highs, Martin released his grip on you, unlooped his arms from your knees, and stepped away.

Once your support system was gone, you collapsed back onto the table, your chest heaving as you struggled to catch your breath. Martin carefully wiped his ejaculate off of you before cleaning himself up, all signs of anger gone from him.

You watched as he zipped his pants back up and slipped his arms into the sleeves of his jacket. Sitting up slowly, you brushed a loose strand of hair out of your face and sighed. “Are we going to talk about this?”

“Probably better if we didn’t.” was all he said before flattening his hair down, unlocking the door, and disappearing from sight.

Once again, Sergeant John Martin had left you feeling confused, upset, happy, and a slew of other emotions you didn’t even want to try to begin to decipher.

With the first rays of morning light peeking through the window, all that was left to do was get dressed, get back to work, and attempt to figure out if what had just happened was a one-time thing or not.

A part of you wished it was, but a bigger part wished it wasn’t.

#band of brothers #band of brothers fanfic #band of brothers fanfiction #johnny martin #john martin #martin #johnny martin x reader #john martin x reader #martin x reader #hbowar #reader insert #lostinthewiind #sexy time

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lesbeet · 5 years ago

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this might be a strange question but what goes into becoming a teacher? i've been thinking about becoming a teacher and i'm nervous even though it's something i really think i want to do and i'm curious as to how you go about becoming one like what courses/requirements do you need to take and how do you come up with a lesson plan and everything? and how did you know teaching was something you wanted to do or realize it was something you would be good at?

hm well i can only tell you about my own experience, which i would say is probably pretty unorthodox, but it’s been working really well for me!

so i’ve been working on a masters in teaching for english/language arts grades 5-12 from western governors university, which is an (accredited) online program for aspiring teachers who need to be licensed as teachers in general as well as certified/endorsed in their particular subject areas. depending on what you want to teach, there are a couple of undergrad teaching degrees they offer (i believe it’s elementary ed, special ed, and a couple of different math and science programs), but to do like language arts or social studies etc, you’d need to have a bachelors degree to qualify -- though i also did my bachelors at wgu (in business management sdklfdjskdflsjd i hated it) so it doesnt need to be education-related or anything

if you wanna know more about my particular program let me know, bc it works fairly unusually but is a legitimate post-secondary educational institution and is also incredibly affordable, and idk what i’d be doing if i hadnt found out that it existed lmao

but so yeah idk what an education undergrad would consist of, but for my program in particular there were a lot of english content classes, obviously, like secondary disciplinary literacy, english pedagogy, secondary reading instruction and interventions, stuff like that

and then there were a lot of more generalized pedagogical courses, like educational assessment, foundational perspectives of education, classroom management, fundamentals of diversity and inclusion, principles of psychology: child and adolescent development, and stuff like that

again, this is just based on my own experience, but re: lesson plans, i actually just had some assignments for my courses where i had to write them and justify the thought process behind the decisions i made! like in my english pedagogy course, i had to write 3 essays (one for a literature-based lesson, one for a grammar-based lesson, and one for a writing-based lesson), and in each essay there was a section where i had to plan an entire lesson using their lesson plan format, and then explain and justify why i made each choice that i made.

i’m starting student-teaching next semester, as soon as we get back from winter break, and i assume i’ll get more practice with lesson-planning through that, but basically it kind of comes down to like...figuring out the standards your students are supposed to reach, then figuring out how you’re going to break them down into a curriculum, and then for each lesson you figure out what objectives/goals you want your students to reach by the end, and you figure out how to present the material and then assess in some way whether or not the students understand it. once you know what the purpose of a lesson plan is (whether re: the idea of lesson plans in general, or a specific lesson plan you’re working on), the rest is just figuring out how to achieve that purpose. and it comes with practice! and trial and error, and figuring out what works and doesnt work with your own teaching style and in your classroom, etc. ik that’s super vague but so much of it depends of the parameters you’re given—like while i’m student-teaching i won’t be picking the books we read, so i’ll already have that requirement figured out for me, yknow?

as for your last question, my mom has been teaching my whole life, and my dad started teaching when i was about 10. my aunt is also a teacher, and my other aunt is a speech-language pathologist, so. i grew up around teachers kfjsldkfjs

i’ve just always liked explaining things to people and helping them understand them! i think really what it comes down to is that i just have a lot of passion and a lot of things to say sldfksjdkflj like i really do believe that english/language arts in particular is applicable in all parts of life, because all people communicate. i can’t speak for like. calculus or biology or whatever, but 99.9999% of people will need to do some sort of reading, and some sort of writing and/or speaking and/or communication of some type or another, and for all of the “the curtains are just blue!!!” whiners out there, it’s crucial to know how to communicate with others, and to understand what others are attempting to communicate to you, and i can’t think of a single scenario in which that isn’t the case.

plus like, idk a single person who doesn’t like some form of story, whether through tv shows or movies or books or plays or podcasts or video games etc etc etc, and imo those can all be enhanced and made even better by having some sort of background knowledge of storytelling as an art, or as a process, or as an established medium with its own structures and intertextual lexicon etc! like the more i read about the art and history of storytelling, the more i enjoy movies and tv shows (which i already love and watch frequently), bc storytelling isn’t just a textual medium!

tbh part of the reason i think i’m good at explaining things is because i grew up in an emotionally abusive household, and i learned very early on how to anticipate the way another person (usually my dad lol) would interpret something i said to him, regardless of what i actually meant by it. so i subconsciously learned to apply that skill to other people, and now i’ve got sort of a knack for being able to cater my explanations to different people based on how i think they’ll best understand the information, and not just in a classroom setting—like i sometimes serve as a mediator/”interpreter” when my sister and my dad are having difficult conversations, because i know them both well enough, and the way they think well enough, that when one of them says something, i can usually understand both their intention AND how the other person is going to interpret it, and i can rephrase or explain things so miscommunication doesn’t end up making the problem worse

so in a classroom, i can explain things in several different ways, and if i’m working one-on-one with different kids i can usually figure out what isn’t clicking and can try another way to explain it. also bc my adhd brain processes information by making connections to other things i already know, i’m particularly good at coming up with (often unusual) metaphors or analogies for things, and people are like “oh wow ok that’s a weird way to explain it but i definitely get it now” and stuff

so basically i’ve learned bc of necessity how to communicate more effectively with others, and because i want everyone else to get the enjoyment out of language arts that i do, i’m drawn to teaching because i hope to help the students find at least some area of it that they’re interested in, and to show them that literature/storytelling/communication aren’t just about reading old boring books written by racist white dudes who hated women, but about learning to represent and interpret and take part in the human experience, because the foundation of any sort of society is communication, and that very basic desire to be understood by others

so even when i didnt actively Want To Be A Teacher it was always kinda in the back of my mind like “well if i dont find anything else i wanna do, i can always be an english teacher” bc most of my favorite teachers growing up were english teachers, and even at my absolute worst i did just fine in those classes, even when i hadnt read the books we were discussing (which was most of the time jsdklfsjd which is now kind of a problem for me as a teacher so i do think i shot myself in the foot there but oh well, i was 14)

anyway, as usual that got super long, but i hope it was helpful! lemme know if you have any other questions :)

#anonymous #answered

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goth-giraffe · 5 years ago

Text

Not-so-quick guide to my OCs that I sometimes talk about here! xD So... Echo and Meredith, really. Plus a bonus one! Plus new art! :D

Warning, this is gonna be long so I put it under a cut :)

Anyway, because he’s the one that will definitely be mentioned most here, let’s start with..

Echo~

(I didn’t say anything about the quality of the new art xD)

Echo is my persona/self insert character..... he’s really just an alternate version of me (I like to think he’s my Alola form :3)

And like me he’s lonely so he has imaginary friends to keep him going, his current one being Loki ‘cause my current obsession is Loki

Echo is kinda hard to explain because everything about him fluctuates depending on my mood.. there are different versions of him and he doesn’t exactly have a set story or universe.. (For instance I didn’t create him specifically to hang out with Loki, but when I needed a friend I gave him Loki as an imaginary one)

Anyway! Some basic facts! He’s ace/aro, and agenderfluid (questioning?), with he/him pronouns (they/them is safe too though)

Kinda short, 5′2″ ish

Around my age, 17-20, but the mental age of anywhere from 8-17 ish.... he’s always kind of childish but how extreme varies from moment to moment

He’s AFAB but I usually draw him flat-chested because I use him as a way to combat dysphoria so, should anyone else want to draw him, best to draw him flat-chested

Loves trying on clothes! (Mainly because I like a lot of clothes but pretty much exclusively wear pajamas so... yeah I use my OCs as models)

Quiet, non-verbal in some versions (in which case he’ll write in a notepad to communicate), very shy

Sometimes makes clicking noises to calm himself

Daydreams a lot, also sleeps a lot

Gets upset over dumb things... and he’s scared of everything

Doesn’t really like being touched but sometimes snuggles Loki when he’s upset

He’s probably autistic

Probably also has borderline personality disorder.. but I’m unsure about giving him the disorders I think I have, because I don’t actually have a diagnosis (scared of doctors).. nonetheless, a lot of the symptoms that come with those disorders, he has

Likes to draw and his muse is Loki

Likes bugs, especially butterflies

Collects rocks

Eats goldfish crackers

Has really bad posture

Okay at this point I’m just adding random facts about me which is probably weird idk xD I don’t know what more to say about him soo yeah... this is my weird persona

aand next up-

Meredith~

(I liked how this art turned out tbh and I might repost it on my other blog..)

Meredith is an OC insert specifically for Marvel Cinematic Universe

She’s dating Loki, and you’ll find a lot more about her and Loki at @cuddly-loki! (It’s my blog specifically for them! :D)

Buuuut I do mention her here occasionally because I love her (and there are definitely traces of her from when this blog was cuddly-loki), so I’m including her in this :3

She’s not really into labels but she is kinda gendermeh, I think of her as a nonbinary woman (...or soft butch, but I call her that mostly when Loki happens to swap genders), but she just uses she/her pronouns

Again, meh about labels but she has dated both feminine and masculine people, and she doesn’t really experience physical attraction the same as most people

Kinda goth, dresses mostly in greyscale colours and in kind of goth/punk clothes I guess (also, she prefers androgynous clothes)

Really affectionate with people close to her, close friends and her boyfriend of course :3 (mild PDA does not make her uncomfortable but it sure does irritate Loki)

Quiet, but not shy- she’ll talk to anyone probably but she’d rather watch them until it makes them uncomfortable xD

Once you get past the being weird or goth to creep you out though, she’s very soft and pretty nice (even if still a little dark)

She’s an aspiring musician.. sorta. She plays violin and loves music.. but also has a weird relationship with music, we’ll just leave it at that for now

Works night shift as a bartender

Likes horror movies

Favourite food is pizza

Loves birds

Doesn’t like technology very much

She has a lineup of mental disorders too I’m sure, she’s an ex junkie for one and likes to feel numb to things..

Also has persistent insomnia, either related to her depression or depression meds, who knows

Lives in her apartment with a couple plants and Loki, who is still adjusting to Earth life

Like mentioned above you can find more of Meredith at my blog @cuddly-loki and if you ask questions about her or her and Loki I will probably be very happy :)

Side note: Meredith is not meant to be a self insert but we do have things in common, and I’d probably get along with her. She’s pretty chill and gets along with most people though haha

A little bonus one, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned her here before but just in case

Gwyneth~

(Okay this turned out a little messy but ehh. It was kind of just from memory, I might have still had references for her but I lost them when my jumpdrive quit so meh)

She’s a dead character that I don’t use anymore and won’t be using anymore but on the off chance I’ve mentioned her or do mention her, I’ll go ahead and add her to this as a little bonus

I created her when I first started obsessing over Loki, and she was a self insert I used to selfship romantically with him... it was okay for a brief time but in the end I hated it. It’s hard to explain, kind of personal.. but for one thing, I’m pretty sure I’m aromantic. I love soft romance stuff but I don’t really want to be part of it.

...And that’s why I killed Gwyneth and created Meredith ehehe

I’m gonna talk about her a little anyway, for one, she was an artist/painter

She liked to take pictures of strangers to paint them and I’m pretty sure that’s how she met Loki (AKA the weirdo on the sidewalk in the all black suit)

I honestly don’t remember what her actual income came from, maybe she was on disability, Idk

Anyway she was a mess. Severely depressed. Couldn’t really keep herself together.

She hid behind jokes and sarcasm though, so no one really knew how bad she was (even Loki, for a time)

She would climb trees which annoyed Loki a little bit, turns out trickster gods don’t enjoy having to climb trees just to talk to their girlfriends

Wore a trench coat as kind of a comfort item (because that’s what I did at that time)

Often got lost in daydreams...

Scared of most things...

Yeah you’ll notice she’s a lot like Echo (even the hair- pbbt). I’ve had a lot of self inserts over the years, killed off when my anxiety convinced me I was being cringey or when they didn’t feel like me anymore.. with Gwyneth it was maybe a tiny bit those things but also other stuff, like being aromantic questioning. Creating Echo was a new start for me because it was more of an exploration of where I’m comfy gender-wise... and, unlike most of my other self inserts, I don’t really age him up. But most importantly... he’s very emotionally messy but he doesn’t hide it (or else he doesn’t hide it well) because one of my things is I need to at least pretend that people would still love me if they knew how sad and broken I am. So.. yes, Echo is a sensitive character, he upsets easily and he’s usually pretty sad.. but that’s kind of the point, because he’s still loved.

.....Anyway sorry for going back to Echo. I don’t have a lot more to say about Gwyneth - she’s dead and not coming back - but she was a stepping stone to where I’m currently comfortable so, RIP Gwyneth I suppose :)

On the page I drew them on it’s kinda funny because it looks like Meredith and Echo are very uncomfortable that Gwyneth is there (which was only semi-intentional ehehe)

Echo looks cautiously curious but Meredith looks very awkward like “Oh.. so you’re back...” ..she’s hiding something... And Gwyneth’s like “So... how’s Loki been?” xD

All these characters are obviously kinda similar which is part of why I put them all here (....clearly I have an obsession with blue hair but shhh), also their connections to Loki, haha.... Meredith is definitely the most connected, Echo’s Loki isn’t real and Gwyneth is dead, so... yeah.

Anyway hopefully this was a little helpful. I might make better guides for Meredith and Echo sometime but for now this works. Also, always feel free to ask questions about them!! :)

#I had to keep adding stuff for echo to make up for the fact that I CANNOT stop myself from rambling about meredith xD #oh you wanna hear about echo? LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MEREDITH #pffft #but seeing as how echo will be on this blog a lot more I tried to give him the longest description thing #also I think I'll make a proper profile/reference thing for meredith sometime so I'm not gonna worry about putting this on cuddly-loki #...maybe the meredith drawing though :3 #giraffe rambles #long post #my ocs #echo #meredith #gwyneth

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karmanticmoved · 5 years ago

Note

1-85 uwu

j esus okay

1. describe yourself.

uh,, emotional ig, dumbass, quiet, exhausted all of the time, v queer, healthy mix of feminine and masculine, insecure, and not tha t great tbh. kinda a pussy ass b itch

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be?

idrk. maybe somewhere like a hella nice beach in another country, maybe somewhere in europe. i like travelling but i hate the travel to get there and have no money so i havent put thought into it. maybe hawaii or somewhere like that.

3. do you have siblings?

the one thats still alive is my half brother

4. what is your favorite constellation, why?

orion maybe bc i don't know a lot but i can see that one from my bedroom window even in the city n idk. its comforting. or scorpius cause i'm a scorpio

5. favorite color.

yellow, pink, or blue.

6. what kind of music do you listen to?

almost anything. whatever catches my interest.

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome)

forgot what i said last time but those

yellow carnations i think?

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn?

maybe smth to put myself to sleep immediately bc f uCk

9. favorite childhood memory.

my summer camp memories are pretty great. also memories of my dad and i going fishing are good.

10. have you ever been cheated on?

i mean in theory i couldve been bc online relationships but no. n im polyam and have identified as such for a majority of my relationships so no.

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be?

big but not too big, yknow? like big enough that it can be filled and have room to walk around and lay on the ground or whatever but not Empty. and a pretty big bed to stretch out on, n a closet in the room. multiple windows w blackout curtains so theres light but it can be blocked out. n fluffy rugs or carpeting but preferably rugs in case smth spills so we can get it out of at least Remove the rug. and probably a cat tree thing in corner for dipper. n a computer desk and actual lights that light up the whole room. but probably,, fairy lights too bc full lights too bright. and i kinda want a pink room but blue or yellow work also. a nd pride flags on the walls + posters and various other stuff bc plain walls are boring. and tons n tons of b ooks too.

12. favorite animal.

river otter

13. what was the last photo you took of?

cat

14. do you believe in soul mates?

i'm not sure. i do kinda think there are people who you will like. really really click with and who become so important in your life that they're like. apart of u yknow? but i don't think that anyone as an individual needs to keep those people in their life forever. they arent destined to stay with them, and they shouldnt force that relationship (platonic, familial, romantic, or whatever) even if they were close for years and years. screw destiny. youll have people you care about, and sometimes you have to break that bond to save yourself, and thats okay. there will be other people who can and will be just as important. that got kinda off topic skbsks. i don't think theres really like Destiny soulmates. but there could be like. soulmates in the sense of for however long we're together, we're soul bonded. even if its not forever. does that even make se nse skbsns

15. do you hang toilet paper over or under?

over is the one thats socially acceptable right

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there.

idk theres a place near a movie theater closeish to my house and its a nice little cafe and i dont eat there bc i dont eat much in general but i get their bubble tea and i love. raspberry bubble tea w rose popping bubbles. its comfort drink.

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason?

no. sometimes shit happens for no reason, and its bullshit, but you can't reverse it, so you gotta figure out how to move on from it.

18. guilty pressures?

im assuming thats meant to be pleasures

umm,, idrk. i don't know what exactly i like that would count as a guilty pleasure so,,

19. favorite mythical creature, why?

merpeople are s o cool i fuckin. love funky aquatic pals hell yeah. maybe im just Water babey but. they're rad. dragons are also hella cool bc like dragons???? theyre scaly and prett y and can breathe fire or have wings and kill u?? also like selkies bc again. water. but i used to hear a lot of stories abt them and theyre so nea t

20. something most people don’t know about you.

i have the potential to be a huge asshole and also kinda Wish to fuckin murder someone sometimes but. i act nice most of the time anyway.

not murder murder but i can get angr y enough that i just wanna Stab smth

21. where did you grow up, what was it like?

grew up kinda near the edge of the city, still in it but not like the main city area. in western washington. it was kinda rly boring, i used to spend a lot more time outside or just by myself playing with leaves or toys or whatever. when i had friends i played make believe w them even when outside of school. so yeah. boring id say.

22. do you believe aliens exist?

sure.

23. what was your last google search?

other than names for some actors n stuff, i was looking up various star wars things

24. what did your last relationship teach you?

the one that like. ended? i guess thatd be. be careful with your own feelings and try to figure them out before jumping into anything, and also don't try to force smth that in reality isnt really working.

25. would you relocate for love?

honestly yeah

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy?

both. it just depends on how badly i or someone i care about was hurt by it. more likely to hold a grudge if a friend was hurt by someone d eep enough to leave a lasting impact or if they don't get a genuine apology i will be 🔫🔫. or if the person keeps hurting them. even if that person is also my friend.

27. favorite book.

favorite graphic novel is bloom by kevin panetta

favorite books in general are autoboyography, more happy than not, and what if its us. all gay. i know. its okay. im a kinnie.

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert?

introvert by far

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now?

i tried once. i probably will have to once i go see a therapist, or at least one for my Bad Thoughts

30. top 5 favorite movies.

in no particular order

little shop of horrors, love simon, coco, it (2017 and 1990), and shazam! ig? maybe others but i definitely Forgot all the shit ive watched

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

32. what is your greatest fear?

definitely gotta be all of the people i love hating me and abandoning me or secretly hating me and then leaving me without saying anything. and the worst part is im always afraid its gonna happen babeyy

33. favorite alcoholic beverage.

im baby

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done.

im embarrassed by my own existence. i don't remember the Most embarrassing thing

35. do you believe in ghosts?

not until i have proof that i can actually trust and believe in

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality?

idk ig im nice. but im also. very easily set off on certain emotions especially the bad ones which sucks like especially jealousy bc i dont wanna!! feel jealous!! tho i think that ties into my greatest fear bc my brain immediately tells me im useless to everyone and they hate me. but. sometimes i get jealous and then feel bad for that and then hate myself for all of it. bc my friends deserve to hang out w other people and care about other people im just fucking stupid babey !!

37. should you split the dinner bill?

i rly don't get why you wouldnt tbh like if u both wanna be there u should both pay. but if one person gonna pay it should be the person that asked.

38. are you a good liar?

most of the time. when it comes to my mental health i can either lie great or im literally breaking down in front of the person so

39. what keeps you up at night?

depressing thoughts. anxiety about everything. wishing i could cuddle and fall asleep w jay. sometimes i just cant sleep bc im too restless.

40. would you rather go without your phone or music?

music. i need my phone to text my friends and i Need my friends

41. do you believe in god?

what god would let the world get to the point its at. what god would allow people to do such fucked up shit.

no. i don't.

42. how do you relax when frustrated?

cry, take a nap, take a shower, listen to music, cuddle dipper

43. what’s something that offends you?

when people go "oh yeah i support gay rights but im still gonna eat at chick fil a bc its good" like i get so fucking. pissed off by that. youre not gonna fucking s ta rv e without their goddamn chicken. i know a bi person who goes there and says its okay bc they dont Directly Give Their money to Specifically anti gay organisations but im just. ugh. fucking pissed bc there are other places to get food just avoid the one place for fucks sake. their food is good it doesnt matter. its like saying yeah pewdiepie is a bad person and nazi and a racist asshole but his videos r funni haha so im gonna watch him anyway

44. favorite food

i hate myself whenever i eat food

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?

@destinedformuchmore or @pinaplelee

46. when do you feel the most confident?

never? but ig i feel confident when working on tech construction during theater tech. as long as i know what im doing.

47. what do you do in your free time?

sleep. draw. cry. play video games. talk to my friends.

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect

matpat did for being a dick abt neopronouns and making a transphobic joke and only apologizing when a cis person told him to. not when hundreds of trans people did. and also other jokes that are inherently offensive to various groups. a n d for making extremely not Child friendly jokes in his videos which are very much targeted towards kids. say what you will about the target audience, there are a lot of children who watch them. please stop making creepy nsfw jokes if you won't even swear, sir.

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

i guess so yeah. but she also broke mine first.

50. did/do you play sports in school?

i did. i don't anymore bc highschool sports are bullshit but. basketball, ultimate, and soccer.

51. when are you happiest?

talkin 2 jay prolly

52. coffee or tea?

tea

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without?

my binder. or my stuffed cat puppet thing ive had since i was 7

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person?

their general emotions, mostly. like if theyre in a good mood or if theyre bored or distracted or whatever. or if they seem interested in actually talking to me

55. what is your favorite season, why?

fall. my birthday, the atmosphere is nice, it's pretty, its hoodie weather.

56. what makes you laugh?

stupid little comments or jokes my friends make tend to make me laugh a lot harder than i should but jabdn

57. are you a clean or messy person?

a mix. i Cannot have some things messy or i will ksjqkd. Die but i don't make my bed too often bc its ha rd when its against 3 walls.

58. what is important for a successful relationship?

communication communication communicati

talk about ur goddamn problems n keep talking to each other.

59. what was your upcoming like?

if thats supposed to be upbringing

idk, very relaxed. pretty easygoing and kinda boring.

60. favorite holiday?

any holiday in december rly. i don't celebrate a Lot but the atmosphere and others celebrating is nice to see. i kinda wish my parents did more to embrace the jewish part in our family blike. whatever. christmas is fun.

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?

give half of it to my parents. and then probably use it for plane ticket

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination?

hawaiian pizza. pinapple n canadian bacon ty

63. favorite outdoor activity.

frisbee

64. how are you? honestly.

not great. i want highschool to end.

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort?

idk. camping is fun but if i get to stay at the resort for free i would rly love 2 stay at a resort tbh ive never done that

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature?

waterfalls. or rivers or just. water in nature. and very green forests. aNd snow.

67. favorite type of candy?

none

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title?

i can and will do arson, an autobiography

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases?

i quote john mulaney and whatever my obsessions are pretty regularly

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now?

silly bandz. pokemon cards. these weird unicorn figures i collected

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on?

im mostly the one having the weird conversations

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched?

i watched one about dogs and cats and their evolution which was lit

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had?

when i let the lady just go fuckin ham on my hair bc i was watching spirit that horse movie and didnt wanna stop so it was. rly bad bangs and hella short in back but not the sides

74. what do you like to cook?

whatever im hungry for. i don't have the energy to cook a lot

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild?

really pretty tropical fish

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?

idk. i rly like schitts creek its pretty amusing

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head?

heart at first but my head if things get bad

78. what is your favorite quote?

"i have a splitting headache and i think i'm dying. how are you?"

or a character just saying "try harder" when another failed to do smth.

this is supposed to be deep or whatever but im in a Mood

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had?

once had a crush on a character in a minecraft parody lmao

80. what’s your love language?

sending shit that makes me think of them. n just. making tons of stuff for them both online and irl like bracelets.

81. do you ever feel alone?

oh yeah. all the time. im not but it feels like i am which sucks

82. ever been bullied?

yeah

83. are you usually early or late?

late bc of my parents rip

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most?

drawing, or writing. also theater.

85. what do you wish you knew more about?

i just wish i could remember everything ive learned more about. i know a lot i just forget all.

id like to know more about forensics tho

#asks #long post #friends

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mtvswatches · 6 years ago

Text

Crazy Ex Girlfriend 4x14 I’m Finding My Bliss

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) Get yourself a BFF like Rebecca…

2) Will the theatre be yet another… art form… that breaks her heart? Or will it help her find herself and be who she is supposed to be?

3) Why do I have the feeling that Valencia is going to get dumped?

4) Oh, Other Rebecca, at least we now know one of the reasons you’re all fucked up…

5) So… Greg, Nathaniel, and Josh are all acting somewhat unlike themselves in order to be close to Rebecca. And they get called on it. By Heather, a prison inmate, and a fish respectively. Makes sense. And it can’t possibly end well.

6) So, Valencia didn’t get dumped, but she definitely didn’t get what she was expecting. And her first reaction is to flee… I’m sorry but I can’t see how this is an issue? Why doesn’t she propose to Beth? Why does she need to be proposed to?

7) I know I probably say this every other episode, but seriously, BLESS VALENCIA. She’s always the voice of reason and she always speaks her mind and says what needs to be said. Case in point:

REBECCA: I'm home. This. This is where I'm meant to be.

VALENCIA: Hmm, you've never actually done this before. Are you sure it'll be everything you want it to be?

REBECCA: Correction, I have done it before. In camp, in college, and in prison. But those times were different, because I was doing it for fun not now. Now's real. And whatever this turns out to be, I think it can make me happy. Truly happy.

VALENCIA: But what if it doesn't? And I'm telling you from experience, sometimes the thing or person you think will make you happy doesn't.

Rebecca has this tendency to place this huge HAPPINESS label on people or things – just on this ONE person or this ONE thing that is meant to work out and deliver her Bliss. And I just wish she’d learn once and for all that happiness shouldn’t depend on only one thing or person in your life. First of all, that’s a recipe for disaster because the fallout when it doesn’t work out is catastrophic. Second of all, that’s a tremendously unrealistic expectation. Happiness is fleeting and it comes in different shapes and sizes and it’s brought about by so many different things and people in our lives. I guess what I wish for Rebecca is for her to stop and look at her life and realize she’s surrounded by things and people that bring her joy in different doses and that she’s been wasting so much time looking for the One Thing that would deliver True Happiness that she’s been missing out on actually being happy right now.

7) Oh, sweet untalented Rebecca…

8) Oh my god, I adore her?

Is Greg also going to get involved in this play somehow?

9) Oh, the wonderful meta…

10) How exactly did Rebecca get the best song…? Did Nathaniel meddle?

11) Oh, they brought this boy back!

I was rewatching season 1 a while back and I kept wondering why they never even mentioned him again.

12) I wonder if Rebecca’s newfound perspective on this song will mirror her own so-called passion for musical theatre? She’s seeing this song in a new light, and as it turns out, she doesn’t feel about it like she used to because she’s changed. She’s not the same person who wanted to “lasso a husband”, and she’s not the same person who used to sing musical theatre songs to cope with her harsh reality.

13) And I’m glad that she’s quickly questioning this same thing herself.

14) She’s rewriting the song! I love her!

15) She should just write her own play, tbh. She might not be a good singer, but we know all the songs she’s sung in her head and they’re freaking awesome.

16) Awww, Darryl is so heartbroken that Paula might accept another firm’s offer… but like, she’s earned it and she deserves it!

17) Oh my god, these songs were definitely problematic…

He hits me but he don't mean no harm

Those slaps are part of his Piratish charm

Sometimes I say "Stop it," but deep down I know

If I didn't like it I would have left long ago

18) The character song is about apples, wtf is this weird show, I love it.

19) OMG

DARRYL: That is it, April. I'm an apple man. Paula is my apple, and I need to try new fruit but I can't, because I'm afraid of all the change at work. Nathaniel came in and Karen left, and then Bert came in and Jim left. And then he came back and then Rebecca left. And through it all, Paula has been there, and that's why I'm so upset.

APRIL: You got all of that from "Apple Man"?

DARRYL: Yes, of course.

APRIL: But you didn't get it from the song, "Good Bosses and Friends Let Their Employees Soar Elsewhere If Need Be"?

DARRYL: No, I, I didn't connect with that one.

She’s his best friend, so why would he want her to go?

20) I cried…

I don’t know why this line delivered such an emotional punch for me. It just brought back the memories of Rebecca at the beginning of the season when she felt no one understood what she was going through and what she was feeling, and now she said this and I was overwhelmed by the layers of meaning. What a beautiful moment! She’s not singing the song, she’s not in the spotlight, and someone else is singing her song, and it’s perfect.

21) Greg’s restaurant opening went great, and I feel so proud of my dysfunctional baby!

22) Oh my god, is he going to sing a reprise of “What will it be”? I might die!

23) I cried, again. What is this episode doing to me?

I wasn’t expecting that, and it was perfect and beautiful and all I’ve ever wanted for Greg. He’s made peace with his past and with this town and he’s made something of himself, and I don’t know why I’m so emotional about this – I’m actually crying as I write this. I think it finally hit me that this is it, this is the last season, this is the last we’ll see of these wonderful, weird, messy characters and I don’t think I’m ready.

24) Rebecca and Nathaniel almost kissed, and I don’t know how I feel about it.

25) Oh, fuck and now the music for “You’re my best friend (and I know I’m not yours)” plays while Darryl and Paula talk about their friendship and I’m crying again? What the fuck is wrong with me today?

26) Valencia just gave Beth and all-tomato.

27) Greg is bringing Rebecca some lasagna and she’s singing about lassoing a husband and…

28) What an unexpectedly emotional episode, at least for me. Was I overreacting? Did all of you get all teary-eyed like I did? I can’t believe this show is almost over!!!

29) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

#Crazy Ex Girlfriend #Rebecca Bunch #Rachel Bloom #Greg Serrano #Nathaniel Plimpton III #CEG recap #CEG 4x14 #mine

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