#i do think it becomes frustrating because it creates all these disjointed pieces

[separatist-apologist]

The Thing About Mor

I'm gonna say this and then I'm gonna shut up about it.

I don't think it's necessarily the fandom's fault for the way they read Mor, just as a disclaimer. Nor am I saying you are required to like her. Please reread those sentences before we continue.

The thing about Mor is that she's originally set up to be both a foil to the traditionalism of the Spring Court and a counterpart to Feyre's friendship with Lucien. Feyre is immediately struck by Rhys naming not Cassian or Azriel- who seem terrifying to her- as his second in command, but Mor.

Mor is also placed directly between Cassian and Azriel in what I think was originally supposed to be some kind of love triangle for the three, with the ultimate pairing as Mor and Azriel. I think the narrative of ACOMAF sets Mor and Azriel up as potential mates just waiting on a snapping bond, with Cassian as maybe her first choice given how she slept with him as a teenager.

Throughout ACOMAF, we see Mor as someone who can hold her own against the men in her lives. When they go to Hybern, Mor is the only warrior left standing and is the one who ultimately rescues them. She's also the person Rhys trusts to get Feyre in the Spring Court (ignoring the strange "politics" of why Rhys' second-in-command can break into Tamlins manor but the High Lord can't).

She is ALSO the person who goes to Feyre once Feyre realizes Rhys wasn't honest about the bond, and she's the one who asks "would it really be so bad to join our family?"

I don't know what changed for SJM. I think the nessian of it all ended whatever potential love triangle might have happened with Cassian-Mor-Azriel, and I've heard rumors she was getting a lot of pressure to make her stories more diverse (who was asking SJM, of all people, to tell a compelling queer story?). Regardless, somewhere between ACOMAF and ACOWAR, Mor's trajectory changes.

This is seen so clearly with the rise of Eris who, up until ACOWAR, is an undisputed villain in the story. Not just Lucien's story, but the story as a whole. We're told he holds Jesminda down while Beron beheads her, and he participates in tracking Lucien down with the intent to kill him. He gleefully watched Lucien tortured in the second trial UTM, and is willing to give up Feyre's name to Amarantha IF he knew it.

And in the beginning of ACOWAR, Eris is still the villain. He chases Lucien and Feyre across multiple courts at the behest of his father, presumably to hold Feyre ransom back to Tamlin in exchange for who knows what, and see Lucien executed. Eris's cruelty on the ice sets up a truly cinematic moment for Cassian and Azriel to come swooping in and save the day, and once again highlights our good guys (Lucien especially) and our bad guys.

And I do feel like somewhere in this passage, SJM falls in love with Eris and begins to give him the Rhys treatment at the EXPENSE of Mor. Rhys, who we're told, respects Mor over nearly everyone, unilaterally decides that they're going to trust Eris. There is no discussion to be had here. I think this creates a specific moment for readers to be like, okay well if Rhys did this without talking to Mor, then maybe he doesn't trust her. I don't even think its an explicit thought- but implicitly, whatever Eris shared with Rhys is enough to convince him of Eris's goodness over Mor's hatred. And I think that lends itself to a lot of the "maybe she's lying" theories that come about, ESPECIALLY after ACOSF and Eris telling Cassian that there was more that happened than Mor has shared with them.

Additionally, Mor is supposed to oversee Hewn City which means this deal SHOULD have included her because Kier's Darkbringers are part of her jurisdiction, but unless I misremember, this deal is brokered by Rhys, Eris, and Kier. So Mor's position in Hewn City feels ceremonial-I think this is partly because SJM ascribes to a very narrow definition of masculinity and power, and even though Rhys claims to share it, what she shows us does not match with the telling. Rhys decides what happens in Hewn City and he can make decisions without Mor's input so what's she even doing down there besides acting like decoration?

This is also where, I think, a lot of people get frustrated and confused because the "court of dreamers" are sold to us as a family. And in the confession between Mor and Feyre, we suddenly learn Mor is afraid to come out to the people she claims are her closest family. In our current understanding of the world and what it often means to be queer, your found family are supposed to be your safe people, the people you can be unapologetically yourself with ESPECIALLY when your blood relatives reject you. And here Mor is, telling us she is too afraid to come out to the point she sleeps with men specifically to keep Azriel off her back (unclear how that's helping) AND to not arouse suspicion.

So like- it's not a leap to understand why the fandom writes Mor off as a liar or someone that can't be trusted because SJM has inconsistently applied her personality in order to suit her narrative versus telling a consistent story with consistent characterizations. The fandom is left to string it all together and creative a cohesive story and I do think the problem with that is we don't agree.

Interpretations of the text vary, so on one end you have "I think Mor is lying because the narrative, whether it means to or not, is implying Mor shouldn't be trusted. Rhys no longer trusts her and is keeping secrets for her, and its through Rhys we're told Eris CAN be trusted." and on the other its "Mor isn't responsible for the men around her and is held to a different standard than the other characters who are better fleshed out (in part because they're associated with a man)."

Again, a lot of this is speculation. I don't know what SJM's true original plans were, nor can I speak with 100% authority why she changed them. I can say that SJM is notorious, across all her works, for changing motivations and characterizations to fit her narrative and that ACOTAR feels the most egregious. I don't think she ever had a solid plan for ACOTAR beyond the feysand romance, and everything else has been slapped together based on how she feels in the moment, which leads to a lot of the arguments and frustrations we currently experience around most of the characters, honestly.

[tsuki-sennin]

Mina-san, bonne lecture~! (Tsuki recaps his feelings about Kamen Rider Saber, a personal essay.)

So, Saber... what a wild ride it's been, huh? Just a quick heads up, this is very long and rambling, and also contains spoilers for everything in Saber. It's fine if you don't wanna read all this, but I just wanted to get my thoughts out there.

TL:DR, Kamen Rider Saber's an undercooked hot mess I absolutely adore, warts and all.

Speaking as objectively as possible, it's a 6/10. Probably closer to a 5 than a 7... it's not great: All the different plot elements are cluttered and weirdly paced; character focus is disjointed and clearly biased toward certain characters, leaving great ones like Kento and Ogami, interesting ones like Kamijo and Hayato, and underdeveloped ones like Sophia and especially the Shindais in the dust; not to mention its balance of comedy and drama is off, and while both are very effective, there's a lot of mood whiplash that can take you out of the story. I also feel like a lot of the easily avoidable character conflict could've been easily resolved, even in universe, by simple conversations. Be careful Fukuda, I think Inoue might sue you if he finds out you've been biting his style and doing it worse.

Rider shows have a very frustrating tendency to drop cool form ideas and not do anything with them, and I don't think it's ever been more the case than with Saber. There's a similar argument to be made with the majority of Heisei Phase 2 after Gaim, but wow. The suits are expensive to make without just straight up recycling everything, I get that, but man, I really wanted to see more Wonder Rider forms. How come Touma got all the fun, eh? Of note are the Blades King of Arthur forms (which look amazing by the way), Espada's Jaaku Dragon forms (one of which I even drew last night), even the non-elemental random Wonder Ride Books all have awesome design elements that go tragically unused. Even if the other Swordsmen just kinda have the ones they do get to use slapped onto them, that's at least something. Touma also just straight up only uses Diago Speedy twice and never again. You have cool props guys, don't waste them like that!

Speaking of waste, Espada, goddamn. Since most of the Wonder Ride Books are Story Type and he needs one very specific Story Book to transform, he doesn't get much of... anything, really! No Wonder Rider forms like Blades, Lamp Do Cerberus being exclusive to Ganbarizing, only getting to use the Ride Gatriker like once, he even spends the second and third arcs as a completely different Rider, then once he comes back he doesn't get a King of Arthur-granted upgrade or even a Necrom Espada form. ...at least, not yet anyway. I'm holding out hope for Espada x Necrom and the eventual Saber V-Cinemas. Extra Rider stans, we will be well respected someday.

The Unreal Engine CGI used for fights in early Chapters was pretty good but wow it feels disconnected and they really drop it quick. I feel like if the animators had more freedom to use as many forms as they want, we'd have gotten a lot more mileage out of the books beyond... decoration basically. I actually really liked the CGI sequences, they felt creative and were fun to follow along with.

The soundtrack is pretty great on its own and conveys what it needs to, but they seriously overplay the orchestral themes. It honestly feels kind of... stock at times. I think my favorite parts of the score are when it winds down, since it feels a lot more natural and lets the cinematographers and actors speak for themselves.

As awesome as I think Falchion's design and the Mumeiken Kyomu are, The Phoenix Swordsman and the Book of Ruin comes up short as its own standalone thing. You'd think 30 or so minutes of non-stop action would be awesome, and it almost is? It's as good as a typical episode of the series with a higher action budget, but it kinda drags on a bit too long; and although I think Emotional Dragon looks cool, it feels a bit tacked on. Coming off of the incredible Zero-One REAL×TIME, it doesn't give you much room to breathe, which Rider films are typically great at handling. I also thought the resolution for the kid's subplot was kinda forced. He does an okay job at acting considering his age and doesn't overstay his welcome, but I really don't see how 20 minutes of violence and action is enough to convince him to be brave enough to go play with the other kids. 5/10, it's closer to a 4 than a 6 and I think that maybe Zero-One should've stood on its own if they really had to push back Kiramager Bee-Bop Dream because of the pandemic.

Alright, with all that said... As imperfect and undercooked Saber was, like Ghost I can consider it a personal favorite, 10/10. Call it a guilty pleasure if you want, but holy hell it's just the show I needed. Takuro Fukuda has a talent for creating fun, wonderful characters and utterly fascinating worldbuilding and concepts. It's a shame he doesn't utilize them fully, but hey!

The action and fight choreography are pretty top notch as usual. Lots of beautiful shot composition and set pieces, and plenty of great angles to help keep up with the extra busy action. I love watching the suit actors perform and they deserve all the respect in the world for their hard work in those hot, sweaty, and heavy costumes. Their visual design is also top notch, with lots of unique and fascinating forms and cool weapons I desperately want to play with despite being broke, all with spectacular finishers and hype jingles with the voice of Akio motherfucking Ohtsuka calling them out. A real feast for the eyes. Not a single bad suit among them, yeah I said it, fight me.

The crossover specials are soooo good too.

-I went over my feelings on the Zenkaiger crossover episodes in a separate post (good luck finding that btw), but to sum it up, they were great character moments for Zox and the Shindai siblings with lots of great screwball comedy and some good old fashioned meta humor.

-The Ghost crossovers are great little side stories all about how Daitenku Temple somehow had the Ghost Ijunroku Wonder Ride Book? I genuinely have no idea why it was there, or how Makoto had the Specter Gekikou Senki, and as far as I remember neither of their origins are explained. Did Luna or Tassel hand them off to them and told them to wait for a sword guy? And why do these generic French Revolution Gamma villains working for Danton get their asses handed to them so easily by Kanon, who literally just became a Rider? I thought that Makoto deciding to adopt all the Kanon clones into his family was both hilarious and adorable though; considering all the crap they went through, I think it was a good ending to this plot. Gimme Espada x Necrom already Toei/Bandai/Fukuda/whoever I need to yell at, give Kento things to do, I beg you.

-I haven't actually seen Super Hero Senki since it's not available for subbing yet, but apparently there's a Journey to the West plot starring the Taros and Ohma Zi-O and I want to see that so badly.

Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra? Yoohei Kawakami? A match made in heaven, that's what they are. All of their themes are absolute bangers. All of them. Almighty, Kamen Rider Saber, Sparks, Taju Rokou, all excellent and empowering pieces. Rewrite the Story, Will Save Us, and The Story Never Ends are all amazing inserts done by the cast, and it makes me wish we had even more of them to help break up the monotony of the score.

The characters are what easily make this show such a great watch though. For the most part, they have great personalities and chemistry, consistently fun and interesting scenes, well acted and... sometimes well-written development, and deeply investing personal stakes.

Narrating it all is the delightfully eccentric Tassel/Viktor, portrayed by Romanesque Ishitobi "TOBI" of the Paris-based Les Romanesques. I was utterly confused by his presence at first, wondering why there needed to be a narrator when the story would've been perfectly fine without it. He even got a special spot in the opening despite having no stake in the plot despite seeming to live in Wonderworld, who the hell is this guy? But then I thought "OH MY GOD, HE'S THE MAIN VILLAIN USING TOUMA AS THE HERO IN HIS OWN TWISTED STORY, THE BASTARD". I thought it'd be some subversion of expectations, true form, "That Was His Mistake!" shit. Trust me, it made a lot more sense in my head. I'm very happy that they didn't do that, as I grew to love having male Yuuka Kazami as my narrator, and when he was shown to be actually important by being friends with Yuri my mind was blown. And doubly so when I realized just how deeply necessary to the plot he really is.

Rintaro/Blades is up there as one of my all time favorite secondary Riders, since his curiosity is always consistently funny and adorable, his forms are all gorgeous and impressively designed, his relationships with Mei and Touma are absolutely sweet and compelling to see unfold, and his arcs about becoming willing to call out those he views as family and coming to terms with his feelings of inadequacy and both moving past and using them to strengthen himself are always great lessons to pass on to kids. ...even if they took like 10 goddamn episodes to be conveyed in what could've been 5, but hey, Takaya Yamaguchi does a stand-up job all throughout. Rider veteran Eitoku's refined, almost logical movements with the Suiseiken Nagare absolutely beautiful to see in action, and his final form having the same white and blue color scheme as Zooous's base form is an amazing touch I don't see appreciated enough.

Mei Sudo's also absolutely wonderful, serving as the perfect emotional core of the story, responsible for most of the funniest lines, sweetest character moments, and some of the most deceptively compelling drama. Asuka Kawazu brings the perfect energy for such a dynamic and well rounded character, and absolutely nails her scenes of quiet turmoil. As much as I would've loved her to become a Rider, I don't think she really needed to. She's already done so much to help, and as cool as it would've been to see her pick up a sword and fight alongside them as Espada, Calibur, or Falchion she's already endeared herself to me as one of my favorite supporting characters in the whole franchise.

I can't get enough of my homeboy Kento Fukamiya/Espada. Like Rintaro and everyone else for that matter, he also suffers from Saber's pacing issues; and like his predecessor Valkyrie from Zero-One, he doesn't get a proper upgrade aside from his Wonder Combo, instead becoming an anti-villain using a completely different powerset and shifting the Raimeiken Ikazuchi out of focus for the Ankokuken Kurayami, and I feel there's a serious missed opportunity to see him use Jaaku Dragon with Alangina. However, Ryo Aoki's performance is probably among the most easily praiseworthy in the whole cast, managing to convey both Kento's kind and knightly stoicism as Espada and his emotionally unstable despair as Calibur perfectly, in conjunction with Yuji Nakata's experienced and expressive stuntwork.

Ren Akamichi/Kenzan's a dark horse favorite for sure. I remember back when Saber was first picking up, people hated this breezy mad lad for being such a simple character at first. Overly concerned with strength? Black and white world view? Annoyingly energetic? Agh, real-feeling character flaws, I hate them, get him away from me! But then y'all came crawling back. Eiji Togashi's apparently a bit of a rookie actor, and it really shows with some stilted delivery and the way he sometimes bobs his head when giving his lines, but man he improves dramatically as the series goes on. His inexperience ironically ends up really selling his character development, and his unexpectedly beautiful relationship with Desast is special evidence of that. The Fuusouken Hayate's three modes and Satoshi Fujita putting them to excellent use through his stellar acrobatic movements are also really cool.

Why did Luna have to be a child for so long? Does Wonderworld not age whoever inherits its power? Well since Luna randomly becomes an adult in Super Hero Senki and some of the final episodes, I guess so? Miku Okamoto does a fine job for a kid actor, but she's basically done all the heavy lifting for the whole series and doesn't give Mayuu Yokota enough time to get a feel for her character as an adult. How did she choose Touma to inherit the power anyway? Does she just subconsciously decide to trust him with it upon seeing how kind and passionate about storytelling he is? Well if that's the case, why didn't Kento get at least some of that power too? He's just as important to the merchan- I mean Luna-chan, isn't he? Why did Tassel pick her over someone who isn't a literal child who'd be understandably terrified about basically becoming an embodiment of storytelling?

Sophia also kinda suffers from the same problems. Rina Chinen's voice is very pleasant to listen to, but she doesn't really do much beyond serving as a source of exposition and support. I think her dynamic with Mei's adorable, and given her kindness I can certainly understand the respect Northern Base has for her, but she doesn't really contribute a whole lot. If she could use the Kurayami and become Calibur all this time, then why didn't she take it from Kento and Yuri and do so earlier when Kento decided to go back to being Espada? I know she's not much of a fighter and as the closet thing the Sword of Logos has to a leader after Isaac's death I'd understand not wanting to put her at risk, but considering Storious is destroying the world, and she's very evidently kicking a lot of ass in the first part of the final battle even in the basic Jaaku Dragon form, I think it would've helped a lot, just sayin'. Tassel at least has the excuse of being unable to interact with the real world, but Sophia obviously didn't just be put in charge of Northern Base just because she's a pawn in Isaac's plans right?

Ryou Ogami/Buster is also a victim of the disjointed character focus. I have no problem believing he's an excellent father and fighter thanks to Yuki Ikushima and Jiro Okamoto, respectively, but he feels a bit flat and simple in comparison. His rivalry with Desast is randomly dropped, his wife doesn't even show up until the final episodes, he's kinda sidelined in terms of action a whole lot. I imagine that must've sucked for the Rider Dads out there. He does get to star in his own manga, and that was pretty good, so I guess I can't be too mad.

Tetsuo Daishinji/Slash fares better though. Hiroaki Oka, being a Kamen Rider fanboy himself, manages to make him among the most relatable characters in the series. Not only are his hyperfixation on swordsmithing and anxiety played surprisingly believably, Hirotsugu Mori letting him cut loose is extremely cathartic and hilarious, and you really feel for him when the Onjuuken Suzune becomes the first victim of Calibur!Kento's sword sealing.

Yuri/Saikou's another dark horse favorite, for me at least. "Oh great, Avalon guy's got even more merchandise to sell, I wonder what his Sword of Light is- it's himself. Well... that's different." I admit, I didn't like him at first. He felt like he was there to fill out character dynamics in the absence of both Rintaro and Kento, I thought his gimmick was too silly even if his design and jingles were bangers, I didn't particularly care for his power set. But then XSwordman came around I totally got it. He's an endearing, hard-working man trying his best to catch up on all the cool shit he missed, unafraid of experimentation, ready to throw down at a moment's notice, serving as a wonderful bit of consistent support for our heroes, a truly knightly individual, an absolute Chad. and goddamn does he make me worry. Tomohiro Ichikawa, I salute you good sir.

Even if they fall short compared to the rest of the cast, the Shindai siblings are at least cool enough to not wanna write out entirely. They kinda devolve into comic relief after they become allies, something that villainous Riders from Chase onwards are very prone to doing, and it's especially awkward in their case because I think that they kinda get off scot-free for obeying the obviously sinister and crazy Isaac for so long, as well as driving a wedge between a lot of people and threatening children in Reika's case. I think their sibling dynamic is nice though, even if Fukuda recycled it from Makoto and Kanon and has some... questionable possessive undertones as a result. It's cool how they're basically foils to Touma and Rintaro though. The dispassionate and methodical Reika/Sabela is beautifully played by Angela Mei and her moments of emotional depth are fascinating to watch. Her Rider form is a thing of beauty, and its use of literal the Eneiken Noroshi's smokescreens and Yuki Miyazawa's precise and deadly stinging strikes are a joy to watch. And while Ken Shonozaki's not given the best direction as the undercooked plate of 7-Eleven fried fish that is Ryoga/Durendal, he manages to sell him as an experienced and hardened warrior with an awkward side that's especially evident in the Zenkaiger specials. His goddamn RWBY weapon that is the Jikokuken Kaiji is absolutely sick, I'm a sucker for transforming weapons and its combination of time and water powers is really cool, especially with Yasuhiko Amai's deliberate and forceful acting in the suit.

Daichi Kamijo/the Second Calibur, for as brief as his story was, was a pretty cool starter villain. Hiroyuki Hirayama brings this poor bastard to life in a genuinely touching way. I love how as Calibur he goes full force on his creative use of Wonder Ride Books for attacks, and his debut as Jaou Dragon got my blood pumping. His end is also deeply tragic, and I really felt for him when he realized just how badly he fucked up. Hayato Fukamiya also does wonders for the backstory, and while he also doesn't get much to work with, Mitsuru Karahashi makes his regrets and love for Kento feel genuine.

Legeiel and Zooous are both very intimidating and entertaining villains. On top of being just the right balance of goofy and threatening, Kairu Takano and Koji Saikawa's stage presences are both very strong, and their mixture of camaraderie and in-fighting is extremely believable. Zooous's rivalry with Rintaro feels incredible to see through to the end, and although Legeiel doesn't get quite the same treatment, Elemental Dragon had such a cool debut that it more than makes up for it. Their final fights are also absolute spectacles. I don't think their sympathetic angle works even close to as well as it does with MetsubouJinrai or even the Gamma, but I get it, power corrupts, and you probably feel a lot of sadness and regret for things you've done when you die unless you're a right bastard.

Isaac/Master Logos/Solomon is kinda generic. As wonderful as Keisuke Soma is, he doesn't get much dimension to work with. The result of that is while he nails being as smug and punchable as possible, he feels almost... comically generic. Genta Umemori from Shinkenger was full of personality! He was also basically some guy, but he was fun, he felt connected to the rest of the cast! Meanwhile the only real time we get to see Isaac's depth is when we see him crying over his failures. I almost appreciate him being unapologetically evil though, since I've seen way too many shows where redeemed villains get off scot free for way worse things, and some where they outright demand you to sympathize with them despite them doing nothing to warrant it.

Bahato/Falchion surprises me by not just being a movie villain whose actions affect the main plot, but also being a movie villain who actually gets to appear in series as a recurring threat! ...and it's not a particularly great showing on his part, sadly. Masashi Taniguchi does a wonderful job with what he's given, but his character feels like a retread of Eternal without any of what made Katsumi Daido a compelling and frightening villain. I'd like to believe Yuri when he says that he used to be a good person and a hero to the people, but I can only hear so many anime villain monologues about the pointlessness of life and the beauty of destruction before I can never take them seriously again. ...I think that's his biggest problem, actually. I thought he was an overall uninteresting and generic villain in the movie, and the cartoon nihilist he's shown to be in series is only a small step up. He still feels like filler. If only there were a far better written and much cooler villain who takes on the Mumeiken Kyomu after his de--

Desast is probably one of the finest anti-villains I've ever seen in recent years. On top of an absolutely badass character design and the excellent combination of Kazuya Okada/Danki Sakae's suit work and Koki Uchiyama's stellar voice acting, his story being so thoroughly intertwined with Ren's makes their shared journey and bromance a borderline Shakespearean tragedy. His struggle for identity despite Storious treating him as nothing more than a failed experiment and the Sword of Logos treating him as a mere monster really gripped me, and the way he uses what little time he has left to encourage Ren into blossoming on his own is absolutely beautiful. I think his enmity with Ogami is criminally underexplored in series, considering he killed several of the previous Riders and how Ogami's in desperate need of screentime.

Then there's our main villain, Kamen Rider Storious. Robin Furuya brings an incredible amount of charisma to this character, expertly portrayed as both a sinister, manipulative bastard , and as a lonely, tragic figure that arguably makes him feel even more villainous. Speaking as a struggling writer myself, it's easy to feel stuck in the idea of "fuck it, who cares, maybe everything is predestined", but I can't imagine what it's like to know that as the truth and carry it with you for all that time. All of your grand ideas have roots from your experiences, and you're not the only one who even could have those experiences. It's easy to just fall into despair and give up trying, but would that make you happy? Sure, Storious is sadistic, he may be fulfilling his goals, he may be ungodly powerful... but it's not enough for him, is it? All of his friends are gone, one of them even at his own hand, he probably doesn't have any idea what to do after he destroys all the world's stories, Touma even reached his full power before he did, and his downfall is so predictable that even a blind person could see it. He even seems to welcome it, what's up with that? But then I realized... OH MY GOD, HE'S THE MAIN VILLAIN USING TOUMA AS THE HERO IN HIS OWN TWISTED STORY, THE BASTARD. He's so far gone, he's so desperate to stick it to the Almighty Book, he's willing to twist the archetype of the Hero's Journey so hard, it snaps in two. What I think is interesting is that he's ironically trying to chase the trend of "edgy superhero story" that became super popular in the 21st century. The Boys, Brightburn, Kamen Rider Amazons, The Sentry, No More Heroes, Magical Girl Site, even mainstream comics from DC and Marvel... Surely Storious must've seen the cruelty and tragedy these stories are filled with, but he chooses to go through with trying to force the world into this direction anyway. Did they, along with seeing the ever-popular tragedies of legendary playwrights and bleak satire of the twentieth century fuel his despair?

And yet... there's one who stands in determination against his ideals.

Our hero, Touma Kamiyama, the titular Kamen Rider portrayed by Syuichiro Naito and Kousuke Asai, he speaks to me on a personal level. There're plenty of jokes to be made about his procrastination in early chapters, his godless fashion sense, and him doing the funny run up the slope, that's all fine and dandy, but I rarely feel so connected to a character the way I did Touma. The struggle to create, find companionship, live your life, reach out to others... these're things a lot of people struggle with, and of course you see them depicted a lot in media about creators, but Saber gets to the root of what the greatest thing about storytelling really is. Giving people hope, while using the pain of the past as fuel for the future. Sure, Storious may be right about how every story has been done as far back as human civilization gets, he may even be right about how any spin or creativity humanity has is outright predestined. It should be pointless to even try, right? That's where Touma Kamiyama disagrees. He didn't spend all that time fighting and creating just to give up at the idea of predestination. His novel writing-fueled creativity in his early training, his devotion to his friends that let him surpass Kamijo as Dragonic Knight, his compassion for the Primitive Dragon that let him combine their powers to destroy Legeiel as Elemental Dragon, his resolve that let Xross Saber dethrone Solomon, and his passion for the craft of storytelling that let our heroes channel their wishes into Wonder Almighty... all stemming from the belief imparted onto him by his predecessor that "Hope lies beyond your resolution." And that you decide how your story ends. He may not be the greatest Rider to some, he may be as lame as others think he is, he may not even be my favorite, but I have no issue calling Touma Kamiyama... Kamen Rider Saber, one of the all time greatest carriers of the Kamen Rider name.

The final chapter's definitely not as great as some other Rider finales, but goddamn. Primitive Dragon consciously choosing to save Touma is so sweet and such a great emotional payoff, I loved jamming out to the opening theme while our boys lay the smackdown on Storious. Wonder Almighty's a fitting final bit to close the main series out with, if not exactly a great one. I think the cover is great, and the book's body is a lovely shade of candy apple red, but I really don't like how its pages are just the covers of the other books copy-pasted onto onto the pages, that feels lazy. Maybe if it were a panorama of all the books' characters, I'd like it a lot more as a symbol of how unified the Swordsmen are, but eh, what can you do? On a related note, does this mean all the "last episode extra final forms" of the Reiwa Era are gonna be named after their series's opening? That's a neat idea.

I felt a lot of feelings seeing all those video messages of Rider fans all across Japan talking about their favorite stories, and how their passion and fond memories help reshape the world. Mei's monologue at the ceremony about is also really touching and- IS THAT A HUMAGEAR!? :O

Y-yeah dude, it is! Wow, where have you guys been for the past 48 episodes?! Are you guys doing okay? How come you're like... the only one here? Is the technology of Hiden Intelligence only really that prevalent in that very specific metropolitan part of Japan and they're just not coming around much over here? Is it like Dragon Ball where anthropomorphic animals are just vibin' with humans while the heroes are off kicking ass? Apparently he's played by Hasegawa Keiichi, who wrote this episode and had the award ceremony named after him. ...is Hasegawa Keiichi a HumaGear in this universe then? Did he set up this award ceremony in Touma's honor? If so, why is it named after him? Did reading one of Touma's books lead to his Singularity? I know this is just a cameo, but... god, I have so many questions that probably will never be satisfactorily answered.

Overall, if I had to compare Saber to anything, it'd probably be Sam Reimi's Spider-Man trilogy. It's awkward, stupid, overwrought, undercooked, illogically written, scattershot, cheesy as fuck, and has a tendency to squander its otherwise fine execution; but the sheer passion for storytelling, sense of spectacle, deeply fascinating characters, and belief in the ideals set forth by the cast, crew, and fans are absolutely admirable. Improvements would certainly make it an overall better experience, to be sure, but there's something deeply captivating about how wonky this series is. Seeing everybody get their happy ending after all they've been through felt extremely gratifying though, and I may have to wait another for the epilogue to and then wait for Revice, but... man. I'm hella proud of our awkwardly-emoting, fashion disaster novelist and all of his heavily flawed friends for carrying the Kamen Rider name on to the future. Here's hoping Revice will keep it going.

Alright, that's everything I wanted to talk about. Sorry this was so long and ramble-y, I had a lot to say. I'll probably be liveblogging Revice as episodes of that come out, so... look forward to that, I guess. See ya.

[quoteablebooks]

Genre: Nonfiction, True Crime 

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Summary:

A masterful true crime account of the Golden State Killer—the elusive serial rapist turned murderer who terrorized California for over a decade—from Michelle McNamara, the gifted journalist who died tragically while investigating the case. "You’ll be silent forever, and I’ll be gone in the dark." For more than ten years, a mysterious and violent predator committed fifty sexual assaults in Northern California before moving south, where he perpetrated ten sadistic murders. Then he disappeared, eluding capture by multiple police forces and some of the best detectives in the area. Three decades later, Michelle McNamara, a true crime journalist who created the popular website TrueCrimeDiary.com, was determined to find the violent psychopath she called "the Golden State Killer." McNamara pored over police reports, interviewed victims, and embedded herself in the online communities that were as obsessed with the case as she was. At the time of the crimes, the Golden State Killer was between the ages of eighteen and thirty, Caucasian, and athletic—capable of vaulting tall fences. He always wore a mask. After choosing a victim—he favored suburban couples—he often entered their home when no one was there, studying family pictures, mastering the layout. He attacked while they slept, using a flashlight to awaken and blind them. Though they could not recognize him, his victims recalled his voice: a guttural whisper through clenched teeth, abrupt and threatening. I’ll Be Gone in the Dark—the masterpiece McNamara was writing at the time of her sudden death—offers an atmospheric snapshot of a moment in American history and a chilling account of a criminal mastermind and the wreckage he left behind. It is also a portrait of a woman’s obsession and her unflagging pursuit of the truth. Framed by an introduction by Gillian Flynn and an afterword by her husband, Patton Oswalt, the book was completed by McNamara's lead researcher and a close colleague. Utterly original and compelling, it is destined to become a true crime classic—and may at last unmask the Golden State Killer.

*Opinions*

As always with all nonfiction books, it is difficult for me to rate them due to the fact that I am not an expert on the material being presented. That being said, as I have become more and more interested in true crime, I’ve heard a number of podcast episodes about the Golden State Killer and gotten familiar with the general nightmare-inducing facts of the case. However, as most of those podcasts are either drawn from the same information or from Michelle McNamara’s work itself, it is impossible to tease it all apart. All that, on top of the fact that McNamara didn’t even get to finish the novel and therefore there are a number of different voices that are mingling with hers as well as unpolished text from McNamara herself, makes it impossibly to really be able to rate this novel in any critical sense. I feel torn because if McNamara had finished the novel it would be a 5-star read without even a thought and I don’t want to judge it harshly because of unfortunate circumstances, but this is far from a perfect book.   While I enjoy true-crime podcasts, reading about true crime is a bit of hit or miss for me. If the author does not provide the information as a story but just a list of facts then I find it very boring. I am also finding that I am more connected, interested, and invested in a story when there is a focus on the victims and the people surrounding the crimes and not just whatever killer the book is about. There has been a conversation in a long time about how those covering crimes that they need to stop glorifying the killer as there have been criminals who state that they do these horrendous things just to get their names in the news and to live in infamy instead of focusing on the victims and their families. Yet as someone who has multiple mental health-related degrees, why serial killers become serial killers is interesting to me and most people want to find some common trait or thread to protect them from becoming a victim themselves McNamara walks the line between telling the victims stories without being voyeuristic to their trauma and speculating about who the Golden State Killer is without glorifying him. Never is he called a genius because that is the only way he could outsmart the police, but instead points out the lack of technology and the stubbornness to cooperate along with possibly a job that provided him skills and access to his victims that made it so the Golden State Killer hadn’t been caught at the time of writing the book. You care about the people who were terrorized and lost their lives because McNamara focuses on who they are as people, not because of the way they were attacked and killed. You can tell that McNamara wasn’t just obsessed with who the Golden State Killer is, but also cared about these people she had read about in police reports or spoke with find some closure. Reading this knowing that McNamara passed away not only before her book was published, but also before the Golden State Killer was caught gave an air of sadness to this novel. I know this was probably just my knowledge of the event surrounding the novel and events, but I almost felt that McNamara was slightly sad as well when compiling all these cases and all the destruction that had been left in one individual’s wake. She was also aware that she was missing parts of her personal life due to this obsession, which makes it all the sadder knowing how little time she had left while talking about forgetting anniversaries and hating movie premieres. That being said, the overall mood is frustration and determination that someone, somewhere would get this guy and she was right. When I read the notes compiled by others who finished the book I felt a little well when some of her notes were going down the ancestry DNA route, knowing that ultimately that is what helped them find him. I know that the individuals who wrote the last sections of the novel, Billy Jensen and Paul Haynes knew that they couldn’t write like McNamara, they said so themselves, still that last section was so disjointed that I found myself losing a lot of interest in the last 40 pages. That’s possible because I knew how the story ended, even though they didn’t while compiling the last part of McNamara’s research so it was just sad seeing all these things that she never got to finish than wondering if one of these pieces of information would have lead to catching a killer. Overall, this is a compelling and chilling story about one man making an entire state fear the dark for a decade. McNamara’s writing is real and emotional and likes having a conversation with a friend of coffee as she tells you about this thing she’s obsessed with. While I did not find the end of the book interesting, I think it is a 4.5 star read, which I will round up to five. It’s sad to think how many other people McNamara could have researched in an attempt to bring them into the light if she hadn’t passed away.

[gunterfan1992]

Episode Review: ‘Bonnibel Bubblegum‘ (S09E18)

Airdate: September 17, 2017

Story by: Adam Muto, Kent Osborne, Jack Pendarvis, Julia Pott

Storyboarded by: Hanna K. Nyström & Aleks Sennwald

Directed by: Diana Lafyatis (supervising), Sandra Lee (art)

Princess Bubblegum’s origin story has been one of Adventure Time’s most tantalizing mysteries, presented to us in bits and pieces throughout the shows seasons-long run. In ten seasons, we’ve learned quite a bit about the candy monarch (we know that she was spawned from a gum wad along with her brother Neddy, we know the story of her early kingdom during the time of Shoko, and we know that she befriend Marceline many moons ago), but until “Bonnibel Bubblegum” we the viewers were never privy to how the Bubblegum became the leader of a candy empire.

I guess they’re saving the best stories for last, eh?

“Bonnibel Bubblegum” opens with Finn, Jake, Bubblegum, and Marceline chilling near a river. Finn presents Bubblegum with a silver goblet full of apple juice, to which Bubblegum remarks that it reminds her of a cup that her uncle had made many years ago. Finn and Jake are caught off-guard because Bubblegum rarely talkes about her past and has never discussed her family with them, despite their being fairly close friends. With a captive audience, Bubblegum begins to talk about the rise of the Candy Kingdom and the fall of her Uncle Gumbald...

The story then shifts to roughly 800 years into the past. It was during this time that Princess Bubblegum was but a young girl trying to establish her kingdom in a dangerous and desolate land. Eventually, after moving from the protection of the mothergum, she selected a small tree near a mutagenic river to serve as her capitol while she scoured the land for bits and bobs that she could use to raise up an empire. Because she only had her brother Neddy to keep her company, Bubblegum decided to bio-engineer a family: an aunt named Lolly, a cousin named Chicle, and a great uncle named Gumbald.

At first, the five got along quite harmoniously, but soon, the familiar bonds that united these candy entities began to fracture. The first sign of trouble came when Gumbald felled Bubblegum’s forest of taffy trees and used the wood to erect a cabin; Gumbald told his niece that by building the structure, he hoped to begin construction of a new candy city. Bubblegum became frustrated with her uncle’s rampant self-promotion (for instance, he produced a number of promotional silver goblets with a crest of his face stamped on the inside), and so to foil his plan and get him to yield to her, Bubblegum used one of her science experiments to engineer Butterscotch Lake near Gumbald’s cabin. Because he was planning on putting his gift shop in that space, Uncle Gumbald reacts with anger, vowing to curb Bubblegum’s micromanaging tendencies.

To distract Bubblegum, Gumbald created her a boyfriend, Young Mr. Cream Puff, and sent the two off on a date. With his domineering niece out of the way for the time being, he called a family meeting with Chicle and Lolly, explaining that he had created a ‘dumdum juice’ that would render Bubblegum docile. He then poisoned his family to prove the formulas efficacy: the potion turned Lolly into Manfried the pinata and Chicle into Crunchy. But little did Gumbald know that Bubblegum was witnessing the whole ordeal; after a brief scuffle, Gumbald’s potion was dumped onto his face, turning him into Punchy the punch bowl.

The episode then jumps back to the present. After inspecting the cup, Bubblegum is shocked to realize that it bears Gumbald’s crest.

I’m appreciative that the writers and producers for Adventure Time understand the importance of continuity. In a world as sprawling and silly as Ooo, it would be easy to hit the reset button at the beginning of every episode, but such an approach would cause the world to lose a sense of realness (which I do realize is a bit silly to say, since this is a cartoon). Instead, the writers of Adventure Time often double-down on maintaining in-world consistency. In this episode, this takes on the form of expanding on the history of characters and providing backstories for certain locations (Gumbald’s felled forest first seen in “Susan Strong”, his cabin that was first visited in “Hot Diggity Doom”). The episode also makes use of the artful retcon by retroactively inserting Uncle Gumbald into the story by arguing he has been there all a long as Punchy.

But how, might you ask, did Punchy revert back into Gumbald? The answer has to do with Elements. At the end, when Lumpy Space Princess’s anti-elemental essence was pulsating throughout Ooo, characters who had been magicked or otherwise transmogrified were reverted to their original form (and unrelated ot the topic at hand, this is likely how the Lich awoke in Sweet P). In one shot in “Skyhooks II”, we see Manfried, Punchy, and Crunchy all standing together. It stands to reason that when the anti-elemental wave hit them, they reverted back to Lolly, Gumbald, and Chicle. How clever!

Throughout the episode, it is clear that Gumbald is driven by a desire to create, promote, and then sell. Much of what he does revolves around making capital; for instance, he created a slew of merch to woo people into living in his new town and he was furious that Bubblegum's butterscotch lake took the place of his gift shop. Given that Adventure Time has never strayed away from criticizing absurd capitalism (e.g. “Furniture & Meat”), it seems to my mind that Gumbald represents what the Candy Kingdom could have become had rampant materialism and unfettered capitalism taken the wheel. Contrasting the diabolical and money-hungry Gumbald with the well-meaning but micro-managing Bubblegum is important in my mind because it continues the trend of reforming Bubblegum’s image—a trend that began around mid-season six when Bubblegum vowed to turn off her extensive surveillance system. Prior to this shift, Bubblegum was often derided by fans of the show for being autocratic and deranged. With this episode, however, the show further suggests that while her methods in the past were not great, she was/is a much better leader than a money-hungry kleptocrat like Gumbald. What is more, this episode suggests that some of her more unsavory behaviors might not really be her fault, but rather instinctual and unconscious reactions caused by her family’s coup d’etate those many years ago.

“Bonnibel Bubblegum” was storyboarded by two of my favorite Adventure Time artists: Hanna K. Nyström & Aleks Sennwald. Given that their last episode, “Fionna & Cake & Fionna” was a bit disjointed, it was nice to see them return to true form with this episode. Both Nyström and Sennwald are quite funny and gifted writers, but what makes their episodes so strong is that they seem to fundamentally understand how characters like Bubblegum think and act. It’s hard to explain, but watching these two artists handle the characters just feels right.

And speaking of feeling right, I enjoy how the episode presents Finn, Jake, PB, and Marceline all hanging out together. No real excuse is given, other than four friends killing time and having fun. To reiterate what I said earlier, it is writing like this that makes the world of Ooo seem so real.

Mushroom War Evidence: Because this episode largely takes place in the pre-Ooo, post-Mushroom War past, we see a lot of relics from the war. This is perhaps most true near the beginning, during the scene wherein Bubblegum rummages through what appears to be an abandoned gas station. The building’s walls are covered in graffiti, and the ruin is littered with bits of trash that suggest a rather tragic story. The desert that Bubblegum then traverses through is full of war rubble. When Gumbald shows Bubblegum his cabin, the area around the house is littered with debris and refuse.

Final Grade:

[rachelmcguigan-bct-blog]

Creating a Soundscape and Reflection

When I first attempted mixing and layering with my limited library of sounds I produced a few unfinished sections of sound, with nothing to link them together and very little in the way of depth. At the time this was frustrating as it felt like I had wasted time. Even when I began to produce a coherent beginning, a variation of which would go on to be used in my third attempt, I still struggled to make a full-length piece and had no direction. At this stage I realised that I had not thought about the theme enough to understand it or fleshed out my generic idea about what I wanted to do with the narrative. Up until then I had an unclear vision of nature being overtaken and subsequently destroyed by human greed as technology took over. After talking to a few people with a very similar idea I decided I would have to properly plan out some sort of narrative to follow, because without I plan the pieces I made were disjointed and I found it difficult to progress.

However, that previous layering and mixing, as well as editing sounds, was not useless. This gave me inspiration for a possible story. I noticed I had made quite a few noises that resembled ticking (which could possibly be used to represent time, or rather time running out), and unsettling, distorted ambient sounds (which could be used to create a horror-like, sci-fi feel). I took time to deliberate what is important to me about the topic of Anthropocene. I thought about looking at people arguing against climate change existing, despite scientific evidence to the contrary (discussed further in this article), the bill being introduced to US Congress this year to terminate the Environmental Protection Agency (seen here) and my own experience sometimes trying to avoid thinking about what is happening to the environment and the world around us. These all led me to the common idea of wilful ignorance and how very damaging it can be to the Earth, when we know better but choose to either ignore Anthropocene and our negative impact on the world or completely disregard it for own gain. Thus, the name of my soundscape was in the end Close-minded, as I feel this sums what I want to convey.

This led to the final narrative of a person noticing our negative impact and trying to deny it by retreating into their own mind and surrounding themselves in a false, man-made sense of security. However, overtime they start to become aware of what they want to ignore and while they attempt to shut it down it is unavoidable. They must decide whether they want to walk away from the truth or embrace it. In the end I left the ending deliberately ambiguous to leave the listener thinking and pondering what they had just listened to.

My third attempt produced a soundscape that was finally a full piece, however the creative process did not allow me to stop there. There were gradual adjustments and the idea to create a melody using the MIDI keyboard, and, once that did not work, the resonator effect was scrapped – although I did create a very interesting sound out of it that sounded like the humming and strumming of a pseudo violin. Instead of limiting myself to the first composition order I swapped around sections because it did not sound quite right and it resulted in a much more satisfactory result. I would change around sounds to see if others worked better or completely scrapped some because I could not afford to be sentimental. If I didn’t like how it sounded, or how those sounds meshed then I would play around with it and through this creative process, including both minor successes and big mistakes, I managed to create a piece that I liked.

By the fourth iteration I was relatively happy with it, but after getting some feedback that the ending was too bland and long I overhauled both the ending and the beginning not only to improve how it sounded but also to follow the narrative a little more clearly. After listening to some of the soundscapes from last year for inspiration after I felt a little at loss for what to do, one in particular caught my attention – Death of a Spaceman by Max Kooij. It used breathing sounds, which I liked the sound of and thought it could add an interesting personal element to my own soundscape. I recorded my own breathing and added some effects, adjusted placement in the piece and length to integrate it better so it sounded natural while also adding something.

Looking back on my piece I like how it sounds, although it sounds a lot more horror movie-esque than I originally intended. But I am pleased with this as it has often left those I have made listen to it look unsettled, and I am glad I could illicit a reaction as this means my soundscape has interest to captivate the listener. The experience itself often felt challenging and monotonous, as long periods of time were spent listening to the same tracks over and over.

What I found particularly useful was getting feedback from others, and if asked to do another soundscape I would begin planning a little earlier in the process (although it is important to also be flexible and not stick to rigidly to anyone idea, particularly if it is not working), and discuss my ideas with others to help work through my thought process. I do not think that I would change much about the piece itself, especially after working on it for may consecutive hours. But perhaps after a little bit of time and space I would back to the piece and play around with and refine it some more. Overall, I am happy with what I produced and, now I have created a soundscape, want to do more things with sound.

[yon-nyan]

Cowboy Bebop (1998) - Anime Review

Nineteen years ago, during the year 1998, a Space Western anime was released by the name of Cowboy Bebop, an anime that would go on to become one of the finest pieces of animation ever made. Adapted and completely redesigned from its manga counterpart, with direction by Shinichirō Watanabe, this 26-episode long, seinen neo-noir anime series would continue to astound fans of the medium for decades to come.

While this is going to be a review on the anime series in its entirety, I want to point out that this may not be like my other reviews. I don’t just want to prattle about how good the animation is, or how fantastic the music composition is. I may briefly touch on the standard characteristics that usually go into my reviews for the medium, however, today I want to discuss with you guys a few of the facets that truly makes Cowboy Bebop an astounding artistic masterpiece; a true classic for even more decades to come.

Cowboy Bebop follows the exploits of a ragtag crew of bounty hunters that end up coming together through various circumstances on the ship known simply as Bebop. We get to watch them manoeuvre their way through a mine field of galactic criminals that are ripe (and occasionally not so ripe at all) with woolongs (currency), awkward interactions with each another as well as blasts from their pasts, and plenty of blazing space and bullet-infused battles.

The episodes for the show tend to be very episodic in nature, usually in two-parts, with stunning fluidity from one space romp to the next. Even though most of the episodes are unrelated, there’s never a disjointed feeling of randomness, or having any kinds of fillers simply to bulk out the serial. It all fits wonderfully. Everything just belongs, nothing more and nothing less. When we do have story-specific arcs, they are laced with emotional intensity and the complexities that go with having a past you’re not so fond of. There’s so much grey in between the black and white that each character is portrayed to be multidimensional and so much more than a pretty face, or an intellectual genius.

The chemistry between all of the members of Bebop is one of my absolute favourite elements. They are flawed as fuck human beings, with quirks that cause a lot of grating disagreements and vexing (for them, not the audience) interactions. Nonetheless, they all have a key component in common that holds them together like a dysfunctional family. No matter how many times they try to walk away, eventually they find themselves back home. This is realistic. It’s believable. It’s something to connect with. Some will have a much more intimate relation to it than others. It’s comforting.

As I mentioned earlier, the animation, regardless of being almost 20 years old, still holds up really damn well. The power is in the details, literally. There are so many details that went into establishing the environments within the series that the best way to describe it is breath-taking. Whether the setting is the interior (or even exterior) of a ship, space itself, planets with crumbling or bustling cities, the characters themselves and the expressions that they make—it’s all extremely astounding. These little soft lines and harsh curves with unique shades of red, blue, and orange all create the mood and tone for which makes Bebop a bonafide neo-noir experience.

Even with all of these awesome traits, none of it really means anything if you can’t look beyond the animation and the cast to see just how far ahead of its time Cowboy Bebop truly was.

It’s 1998 and gender roles are getting less defined. This show broke gender moulds back then, and it continues to do so in the modern age. You have women, beautiful women and average women and women from all walks of life in regards to race, ethnicity, etc., who are never judged for being just that. They are portrayed as very strong, independent ass-kickers. It didn’t matter if they were criminals, heroes, or in between somewhere. The women in the show are some of the most intelligent people, and it’s never questioned or treated like it’s some kind of phenomenon. Good examples of badass ladies include Faye Valentine, Julia, and a very special bartender who’s a good friend of Spike’s (name’s not given to avoid spoilers).

One of our main characters, Edward, is a teenage girl, but it’s rarely brought up. Hell, her name is Edward. People don’t really care if she’s a she. Ed is a genius and eccentric as all fuck, and quite androgynous. Her brilliance is what makes her a compelling character. Yes, some people do gander at her gender, but it’s more of a passing curiosity. Her ability to do what she does is never doubted or questioned because of her being a girl. Most of the doubt stems from her sensationally unique persona and young age. We have another character in one of the episodes that’s a hermaphrodite. While it’s a bit uncommon, it never becomes the focal point of who he is or what he does. He’s just another person in the galaxy who’s got his own burden to bear.

So, yeah, gender roles and our ridiculous pre-conceived notions of what gender means doesn’t mean shit in this anime. I fucking love it.

A more common motif in the series is the belief that you are always a master of your own choices and leader of your own fate. Life is something to do with what you will, which is clearly exhibited by the decisions taken by our motley crew of criminal hunters, especially as their pasts begin to surface and reveal itself. Allowing yourself to be held back by some predetermined ideals that you may not even believe in isn’t living. The idea of having “obligations” and that there’s always an inherent “right” and “wrong,” is utterly false in the grand scheme of things and don’t account for jack shit if you’re going to be miserable in the end. This motif is beautifully complimented and further ingrained by the music…

Something else that gives the series loads and loads of depth is… the music. I’m sure that anyone reading this review that’s already had a chance to watch this anime was probably wondering when I’d bring this up. Well, here it comes. Hold on to your butts, my friends.

Yoko Kanno is quite possibly one of the most brilliant composers of the modern age. Her work has made appearances in many anime serials across the board from Wolf’s Rain to Terror in Resonance and a few others; each one a magnificent and stellar feat of musical capacities. Yet, I don’t think she can ever really top what she’s accomplished with Cowboy Bebop.

The Seatbelts is the fictitious Japanese space jazz band led by Kanno. The name derives from how the performers wear seatbelts to be safe as they participate in some serious hard-core jam sessions. This band, put together by Kanno, is responsible for all of the music in Cowboy Bebop.

The styles of music utilised is enthrallingly diverse and ranges from straight big band jazz to blues, acoustic ballads, hard rock, and country to funk and electronic. Hip-hop and experimental compositional elements also make their appearances. Aside from sounding extraordinary, the music in and of itself speaks volumes of what the show is about. If you look at most, if not all, of these genres, they began during periods of history where a voice of rebellion needed to rise. It was a means for people to expel their frustrations at life and all of the bullshit that they had to endure. Blues is a very depressing genre, originally created to voice the hardships that came from slavery and oppression. Jazz became a significant boom during the 1920s when war was looming and young folks were forced to fight or choose a side; when a passionate desire for independence was boiling to its peak. This included the rise of women’s empowerment and freedom of choice.

Every genre used to create the tunes began as a fight against being oppressed and having severely limited rights, if you had any to begin with. The music was about growing up and facing your fears and your monsters, to make life what you wanted of it. These genres were all born out of necessity to have something powerful and positive to believe in; a way to share the pain so you could stop it from continuing onwards.

As I mentioned earlier, this theme is apparent in all four members of our cast—Faye Valentine, Jet Black, Spike Spiegel, and even Edward. They all had something they were fighting for and some strong personal beliefs that drove them to become the people that they became; changes that needed to be made so they could be the stronger, better versions of their old selves.

Cowboy Bebop has so much more to it than the few things I’ve mentioned in this insanely long ass review. To be blunt, I wish I could talk about all of them because that’s how much I loved this series. I’m so passionate about it and what it means and what it stands for. But if I chat about everything, then you guys may not want to pick it up (if you haven’t already). I know that hype can have a negative effect on me; look at how long it took me to pick up the series.

While I do regret not picking it up sooner, I’m supremely satisfied with the fact that I waited so long. The world is a terribly different place now than it was in 1998. Not only was I just a child, there honestly wasn’t much that I could’ve related to the show back then as there is now, at least for me as an individual watcher. Maturity aside, I feel like the messages that are shared so passionately and so brilliantly in this anime are far more superior and relevant in 2017 than they would’ve been in 1998. But the fact that is was made 20 years ago, just goes to show you how far ahead of its time it truly was, which further intensifies my love for the science-fiction genre, no matter the medium.

In conclusion, I want to make one thing very clear: Cowboy Bebop is what it is, is as powerful and as remarkable as it is, because everything fits together so nicely. If you remove even one small facet of the show, it would’ve fallen completely apart. The music, any one of the characters (including minor ones), the animation, the motifs—anything at all and it wouldn’t be a work of art. It’s complex and intricate because every single piece makes it so; they’ve all got their place. Lose a single one and you’ve got nothing but a mediocre space western. Details are what create a masterpiece, especially when they’re subtle and natural.

10 cigarettes outta 10!

[duaneodavila]

alt.legal: Revisiting Contract And Commercial Management (A Conversation With IACCM, Part II)

Contract management can save lives.

That was the basic summary of one of the stories I heard this past week at Agiloft’s Customer Advisory meeting. One customer from a healthcare agency discussed contract management and centralization as the starting point for business transformation. The result, in their line of work, was that their mental health clients could get connected to care, rehabilitation, and recovery in minutes instead of days.

This was sometimes the difference between life and death.

You could tell this wasn’t a sales pitch — he said all of this without exaggeration or drama. This was someone who understands how contracts work in the context of the wider organization’s purpose.

Hearing some of these stories reminded me that I’m overdue to post the remainder of my conversation with Tim Cummins, Sally Hughes, and Peggy Chang Barber from the International Association for Contract and Commercial Management (IACCM). It’s worth skimming Part I as a refresher, but to summarize: IACCM is on a mission to improve the quality and integrity of trading relationships. A huge part of that is simplifying contracts to get value from their purpose as a guide for conducting business.

Here is part II of my (lightly edited) interview with Tim, Sally, and Peggy, leaders from IACCM.

Ed Sohn: What’s the role of a lawyer in all of this versus the role of contract professionals?

Tim Cummins: I think perhaps part of the shift we’re talking about here, that you’re alluding to, relates to the history of in-house legal departments. Back in time, legal departments didn’t even exist. Why did they come into existence? Outside law firms were very expensive, but also because outside counsel didn’t touch business reality enough.  In-house legal departments emerged, but in my experience, they really behaved as if they were captive law firms.  They maintained barriers because of issues around legal privilege and privacy which made them special.  And so we’re still overcoming a lot of that historic attitude — how does legal really integrate effectively with the business?

Peggy Chang Barber: I agree with that. Today, it’s a misnomer to say that lawyers do x and non-lawyers do y, it’s not a single function. Within the team at HP that I managed, we all negotiated, a combination of lawyers and non-lawyers, depending on which issues came up. We hired based on skill set: is this someone who was commercially-minded? We had both lawyers and contract professionals negotiating deals.

We should stop talking about the role and look at the competencies that are necessary to do contracting well. Commercial knowledge and ability to communicate are the skill sets that may come regardless of whether your background is finance, HR, or something else.

TC: People in the business will think, well someone with some legal knowledge would be a real asset in this, which is true. But that person seems to be threatening the law department. Lawyers assume they have to have a control point every time the word “contract” comes up, but relatively few of them are questioning whether the contract they are producing is fit for purpose and driving the business outcomes that are their goal.

PCB: When I interview lawyers, they are focused on the legal provisions of the contract and not the business owned provisions. These days you really cannot afford to do that. Who owns the business success coming with the contract? If you get someone who just wants to look at the Ts and Cs (and that’s not just lawyers), you’re less likely to get someone that will help you with your business.

ES: Tell me about simplification and standards, whether you’re seeing the movement heading that direction, and what that needs to look like.

Sally Hughes: Yes. We are absolutely seeing a move towards standards and a huge move towards simplification. Organizations that have taken significant simplification and visualization in their contracts.  Unilever, Shell, IBM, many more. We also know the public sector is working extensively towards improved standards and simplification.

In the legal community, and for contract drafters more generally, the role of wordsmithing is rapidly becoming outdated. Actually, that’s an understatement; obsolete is the word I’d use. Technology is also going to play a huge role in the standardization and simplification of agreements.  I know in the context of Shell, for example, they’ve taken their simplification and visualization of contracts and provisions alongside automation of the process.  We know that organizations like HP are exploring the concept of no-touch contracting.  You drive standards and technology to the point where you need no human interaction.

One other point around standards and templates — I think templates are EVIL. I think the focus needs to be towards clause libraries, providing individuals with the ability to create an appropriate fit for purpose contract using a decision tree approach that combines the right set of standard clauses that might have various options and term variants. That’s the future. We need to get away from templates, because so often what we find is that we’ve tried to retrofit a project and desired relationship into a template that is totally inappropriate and not fit for purpose.  So another shift away from that concept of pure templates is important.

TC: It’s an exciting time for lawyers because, as we touched on, they can stand in the way of this or embrace it and take ownership of it!  We see both, of course.  For those that really want to make it happen, they have to take this from the approach of the role of a contract and driving business outcomes.

ES: I really loved the notion of contract economics at the IACCM summit, quantifying business value affected by contract. Really, really interesting, and you’ve got some good data around it.

TC: As a topic, it’s been at the heart of everything. The shift is being enabled because of the growing tech. When I was doing global contracts at IBM, there was no data. I convinced people circumstantially, got some crowdsourced data. This meant I had better data than anyone else, but it was guesstimates. As we know, CFO’s are hard to convince on guestimates.

We are now beginning to get much more substantial data.  We’re going to have applications producing data in this area. We all understand pretty well where to be looking, and we’ve made a start in getting that data.  That piece we’re confident about.

Who do we then influence with this? The companies we’re working with are championing these ideas much more, and we’re getting compelling stories to tell.

SH: To build on it a little bit, we’ve been talking about contract economics in various forms for years and years. Obviously the reference to contracts as economic instruments first and foremost is something we’ve been promoting widely.  The research we’ve done not only on the cost of operating contract, but also the value leakage piece, the 9 percent of total revenue lost on average through poor contracting practices. There’s been extensive research on that and it’s been validated by a number of organizations that’ve tackled that question.

What we’ll be doing over the course of the next few months and years will be building on that research and really coining it as contract economics.

Peggy: Tim and Sally have talked a lot about helping orgs look at their cost and drive efficiencies with tech, but people who actually do contracting, getting education on what you’re looking for and negotiating… there’s no major for this.  Many people go into contracting, but there’s very little formal education to prepare you. What we bring to the table is a level of education for anybody.

ES: What do you all think about blockchain?

SH: Game changing.  It certainly fits into the world of today and the future world of contracting.  We’re already seeing organizations deploying blockchain tech with huge ramification and benefit.  We’re already seeing the use of smart contracts, working with an org currently to do a cost analysis on the difference between the cost of contracting using paper vs. the smart contract workflow.

ES: I am so impressed by the energy and the passion of the members in IACCM. The conference was buzzing with so much vivacity and life.

SH: It’s true that there is a tremendous atmosphere at our events.  We’ve always said we have this phenomenal community, a sharing one.  Our mission is to improve and integrity of trading relationships.  It’s a bold mission. We’ve talked about the ways we respond to that mission. One of the things that IACCM is not, in fact, is a professional association. We are not about the glorification of a single function.  What we are is a home for people who care about the quality and integrity of trading relationships.

TC: We end up providing a lot of advisory services, as well, but we have also been asked why we don’t just go and consult. We don’t want to do that, to become a for-profit business concerned with its own existence and with money.

SH: Also, the diversity of our membership is something I’m immensely proud of, something I’m determined to maintain and continue, representation from buy and sell, lawyers and contract and commercial and project management and sales professionals, as well as geographical diversity.

TC: For me, there are many people out there working in public and private sector, who are frustrated.  It’s too disjointed, too difficult to change.  IACCM offers a vision, but a practical one, of a different world, and a belief among our members that things truly can change.  We provide them with resources.

SH: It’s our job to inspire!  It’s our job to inspire, and continuously innovate.  It’s at the forefront of everything we do.

PCB: I just joined IACCM coming from industry. People who are in contracting are fixers, doers, innovative, and want to be inspired. We want to make things better and improve our ability to succeed in our trading relationships across the board.

Ed Sohn is VP, Product Management and Partnerships, for Thomson Reuters Legal Managed Services. After more than five years as a Biglaw litigation associate, Ed spent two years in New Delhi, India, overseeing and innovating legal process outsourcing services in litigation. Ed now focuses on delivering new e-discovery solutions with technology managed services. You can contact Ed about ediscovery, legal managed services, expat living in India, theology, chess, ST:TNG, or the Chicago Bulls at edward.sohn@thomsonreuters.com or via Twitter (@edsohn80). (The views expressed in his columns are his own and do not reflect those of his employer, Thomson Reuters.)

alt.legal: Revisiting Contract And Commercial Management (A Conversation With IACCM, Part II) republished via Above the Law

[iamsamway]

How to songwrite

Songs are made of magic. They transport us into other worlds, make us dance, console us and give us hope when all seems lost. They raise us up and speak to our very souls it seems, in ways in unique and powerful ways.

 I look at mine as strange, deeply revealing, almost living creatures that have bloomed, changed, and died too as these small years have passed by and as I have grown, literally and as an artist. I never thought that writing songs would become such a massive part of who I am or become one of the most significant ways I process life. To me each song, every creation of mine, has come about because it simply felt like it was necessary. However, seizing the creative impulse aside, I have methods to help me work with my madness. If you’re a songwriter or have any interest in the art, read on.

 1)   Read – If words are going to be the very fabric you use to weave your songs together it makes sense to consume as many as you can. It doesn’t really mater what you’re drawn towards, though some texts will undoubtedly be more inspiring than others, just always be sure to carry something with you and as you go if anything pops out at you, any specific words, sentences or sections, underline them, bracket them or make a note in the margin of the page.

2)   The notepad – The 2nd thing you’ll need at hand. This will become your silent refuge, somewhere you can jot ideas, observations or lyrics. A place to begin collecting some of those disjointed words - the ones you’ve been so furiously underlining in your books - now removed from their original context to be used at your will. Scatter them freely on the page, next to others from different places and see what appears. Your own private ‘word bank’ as such will be one of your biggest assets if you ever have writers block. An audio notepad is also useful on the move, just record yourself on your phone, hum lyrics or a melody into it to listen back to later. They could all turn out to be tuneless, useless mumblings that amount to nothing, but then at least you can have a laugh.

3)   Turn up – For me the urge to create, to songwrite, will often be so overwhelming that I will loose all sense of time entirely. Hours will pass and I will either be late for whatever else is in the diary or if one of these fits takes me in evening I won’t get much sleep. Albeit important and essential to channel these bursts of inspiration, it’s equally as so to schedule your time, have a routine, sit down, show up and work at your craft.

4)   What do you want to say? And why you want to say it? - Always ask yourself these fundamental questions and then try to sum up the song in a single sentence. Once you know what the song’s about and you know why expressing it is meaningful to you – sometimes it’s purely the expression itself that is most meaningful – then really focus, catch yourself wandering if you start to go of course and pull yourself back to the point and thrust of the song.

5)   Structure – Have a sense of the structure in songs and then mess about with it. Most commercial records stick to the pop formula of (Verse) (Chorus) (Verse) (Chorus) (Middle 8/Bridge) (Chorus X2) But sometimes you’ll discover something so much more interesting when you switch things around. You can always go back to the tried and tested form. Why not add a variation, an adlib or even some space into a piece. Remember though, think of your listeners and make sure they will be able to join all the dots.

6)   Get the hell out - Your experiences in life, the stories you carry inside you will immediately fuel your desire to write.  See your life as a unique tapestry, a story that deserves to be told. Get the hell out, place your undivided attention onto someone or something else, forget all about songwriting, abandon all your projects, and explore your edges. Do the things or go to places that challenge you, but be sure to write about it in your notepad when have the chance to. Reflect on what you’ve seen or done and come back to writing with a different way of looking at things. If all the arrows point in, you’re going to implode.

7)   Collaborate – A sure fire way to test yourself, grow as a songwriter and increase your work rate is to write with someone else. Don’t be scared of it either. Compatibility is a big thing here, you’re not going to write well with everyone but there’s such a joy in writing with someone else when you click and especially if the majority of your time writing is spent alone. From a professional standpoint, I’ll always bring a few ideas, a loose verse, or a chord progression to the session. Even if you do end up working from scratch, starting somewhere is better than nowhere.

8)   The Hook – I couldn’t not mention this point, though I almost forgot to include it because it seems so obvious, you’ll need something that’s going to get your listeners  ‘into’ the song. Something that they’re going to remember and hum without realising it. Try not just having one hook either; incorporate other little ‘earwigs’ into the song and play around with melodies that are simple, uncomplicated and catchy.

9)   Don’t settle. Don’t Rush – If this is your art, then don’t just settle for verse A) when you know something doesn’t feel right and you haven’t even tried to write verse B,C,D or E. Over create and then strip back to what’s essential to the song. This applies to the small scale, substituting one word for a better word, to the large scale and the question, ‘Is this song actually any good?’ Give yourself the time away from the song too. You could be thinking you’ve written the next No:1 and then half an hour later, through sheer frustration of not being able to finish it, realise you absolutely hate this song and never want to play it again….CHILL….You cannot rush art, but you must wrestle with it. Ideally you give yourself a 3 months breather away from a finished project and if you can listen back to it again then and not want to change anything, then you know you’re going to be really happy with it. Time is this industry and in life itself, now more than ever it seems, is a fleeting luxury, so if you are on deadlines, self imposed or otherwise, try and give yourself at least a weeks space.  A final thought on this is that you shouldn’t wait forever either, if you leave it too long to push a song you’re not 100% happy with you run the risk of growing up, your tastes changing and never even singing or releasing the song in the first instance….and that…doesn’t that just seems a bit sad.

Well then…I think that’s all you get from me for now. Other songwriters, a call to you should you wish to add to the article and comment. How do you manage the mysteries, means and machinations of your songs.

[whiskeyworen]

Name: Cyrus

Race: Human

Gender: Male

Gods: Blessed by Balthazar, favored by Lyssa

Class: Ranger (chooses not to be Druid because he doesn’t much like it.)

Allies:  Tenna Danae, Verula Faithbreaker, Moryggan Deraleth

Relationships:  Just his team. Has respect for Sonnya Danae. Takes care of Tenna, in his own distant way.

Weapons: Alchemist’s Shortbow, Peacemaker’s Sword, Sunspear Warsickle. Not much is known about Cyrus. Disaffected by the big city, Cyrus had a chance encounter with a sylvari who was on a mission to learn from all the races. A sylvari named Ceara. Becoming acquaintances, they kept in touch via mail until she dropped off the map. Having been accepted into the Durmand Priory, Cyrus continued to find disatisfaction everywhere; The Priory’s library and archives were full of lost knowledge and random bits of magical and technical innovation…that they were doing absolutely nothing with. His frustration grew to the point he was almost on notice by Steward Gixx, when the War in Orr concluded. Cyrus was considering leaving the Priory when a piece of mail arrived with a familiar name on it. Ceara was in Lion’s Arch and wanted to talk.

Upon arrival, he quickly learned she had changed very much in the last year, and no longer referred to herself as Ceara. Instead, she called herself Scarlet Briar. And she had a job opportunity for him. Access to all kinds of technology and technomagical research, unhindered and unfettered so long as it aided her goal.

Cyrus never asked what the goal was. He didn’t care much. While she talked about building an army, about planting an agent on the Captain’s council in Lion’s Arch, all he saw were the designs she was creating. The weapons. The armor. The self-mobile devices.

It was part-way through her attacks on Tyria, when she brought out the Marionette, that Cyrus questioned her. Her motives. The need for a weapon that could annihilate an entire region of the world. Partly through arrogance, but partly because some part of her remembered their pleasant conversations in the past, she told him. Told him the Truth.

He stayed by her side a bit longer, as she stole Queen Jennah’s Watchwork creatures and remoulded them – hacked them – into machines she needed. He stayed while her probes sent pulses that woke a horrific, multi-headed Jungle Wurm in the Bloodtide Coast.

But when she declared she would burn Tyria to the ground in her pursuit, in violation of that Truth she had told him, he realized her madness had taken over. It was no longer the frantic pursuit of her Goal anymore; the fear and insanity she’d kept at bay had long-since taken over. The Marionette was left discarded as she retooled her flagship. The final Goal of the plan was still in effect but… Scarlet was barely cognizant of it. The fight was what she was pursuing now. Testing her own prowess, her gear, her troops, all her weapons… they were no longer for the Goal, but toys for her to lay terror into the heart of Tyria. So he left. He told her he was leaving, and swore to her that he’d not give up any secrets he’d gleaned. And through the haze of madness, she had oddly accepted it. No troops sent to find him. No assumption that he’d turn over information to the authorities. Once again, that long-ago friendship poked through. Later that year, after the Tower of Nightmares incident, Cyrus was among the ‘ally’ troops that re-invaded Lion’s Arch amidst the Miasma. He pretended to fight alongside them until he was on the Breachmaker, where he and his pet faded away into the shadows, using their own IDs and passcodes to access the systems of the ship. What he saw worried him. The damage the Pact was doing to the Breachmaker in their heady rush to get to Scarlet and to stop the machine was destabilizing it. The fine-tuned mechanisms were going off kilter. Generators overloading, systems frying all around. The ship was NOT going to do what it was supposed to do. In fact…all evidence pointed to something worse happening. He tried to warn her, but she was too far gone. A single moment of clarity had her tell him to evacuate. The last dying gasp of the friend within the monster. Cyrus didn’t wait around. He was gone from Lion’s Arch before the Breachmaker went down. Before its death signalled the waking of the Elder Dragon Mordremoth. Before the Goal was completely and utterly failed in the most spectacular way. Hiding the fact he had been an Aetherblade by association, Cyrus tried to find purpose again. Meaning. The Gods said nothing to him. The Pale Tree looked at him funny when he asked odd questions. He stayed away from Divinity’s Reach because he couldn’t be sure if any surviving Aetherblades would have recognized him as being one of them. Along the way, he ended up encountering first Verula Faithbreaker, late of the Iron Legion, and befriending the curmudgeonly grumpy warrior, as well as drawing the attention of the aloof Moryggan Deralith, a sylvari mesmer who’s skill with the blade matched his own. Finally, through Priory contacts he’d nearly forgotten he had, he’d recieved word from a certain Asura named Tenna Danae. She needed help and was recruiting krewe members. The odder the better. Of course he accepted. Even with her strange virus coursing through her veins, Tenna didn’t shock him. Very little did, honestly. If anything, in spite of her enhancements, he found that Tenna was more vulnerable now than before; if the virus got out of hand, she needed to be monitored, fed, and kept from doing heinous things. Between him and the rest of the team, they could manage that. Just like they could manage each other. He now wears his personal Aetherblade Magitech armor in public; enough time has passed that the sight of the armor isn’t a threat. With Tenna’s and Verula’s help both with technomagical things and metal-crafting, his suit contains all kinds of hidden features that were merely wishful thinking when he was an Aetherblade. Things that had been on the design table but never were implemented. As a Ranger, he’s quite odd, with his obsession for technology, and swears that one day he will be able to use rifles and pistols effectively. It’s only a matter of time. —- (Notes from Me: Okay…first thing’s first. Cyrus technically has TWO backstories, but I’m really embarrassed by the other one, since it, and him, are literally Self-Inserts. LoL. I literally made him to put MYSELF in the game as best I could. I hadn’t made good Ranger yet, and I wanted to learn how to play as one, so I made him one, even though he should have been a Thief or Engineer. Even writing his OTHER backstory down embarrasses me, because it takes a lateral step to the left and implies things that aren’t game related. So rather than Gary-Stu, I gave him the background above. Which is kinda disjointed, honestly, but you can at least follow a timeline. I just didn’t include specific things. It’s all kinda general. He’s kinda a guilty-pleasure. As a Self-Insert, I made him to represent me. He was supposed to just stay that way, but when I started writing up stories and then made characters like Tenna and Miriya and Sonnya, and the others, I realized that in addition to the A-Team, I needed the B-Team. The Outcasts. The Other Guys. And so I ended up linking him to them. Specifically, he and Tenna had kinda worked together in the Priory on a few projects, even if it was by mail. That’s how she knew to contact him, especially when she learned he’d stepped away from the Priory like she had. Kind of a kindred spirit. One of these days, I’ll get a proper Avvie pic of him done to replace the screenshot I have for my avvie here. That bruise on his face and eye isn’t actually supposed to be a scar or anything. There was a story to that, but it’s pretty self-indulgent. So think what you like about it. Edit: had to reupload when I realized that the images were all shrunk and tiny. WTF Tumblr.)

[ourtruewords-blog]

I have no answers for you. But will share my disjointed thoughts on the subject, as this is something I have spent a great deal of time pondering. Apologies if this rambles, or feels preachy or is just not useful.

My mother, a smarter woman than I, always says "Feelings are neither right nor wrong. They simply are. We cannot change how we feel, we can only change how we feel about how we feel." So forgive yourself your loneliness. You're allowed to feel it.

I just got a dog, and in reading all this literature about how to train them to be well adjusted creatures etc, I ran across a piece of information that said not to make a big deal about leaving them, not to act sad and anxious because they pick up our feelings, and become sad and anxious. I think in some ways, society/culture has done a lot of cooing and making sad faces at us, and now somehow we think that someone walking out a door and leaving us alone should make us feel badly.

And then there are 3 quotes that I like to reread when I am feeling lonely:

"I actually attack the concept of happiness. The idea that - I don’t mind people being happy - but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It’s a really odd thing that we’re now seeing people saying “write down 3 things that made you happy today before you go to sleep”, and “cheer up” and “happiness is our birthright” and so on. We’re kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position - it’s rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say “Quick! Move on! Cheer up!” I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word “happiness” and to replace it with the word “wholeness”. Ask yourself “is this contributing to my wholeness?” and if you’re having a bad day, it is." — Hugh Mackay

"You see, loneliness is the price we have to pay for being born in this modern age, so full of freedom, independence, and our own egotistical selves." — Natsume Soseki, Kokoro

a cue from nature: run outside during a thunderstorm that downpour, that conquered hesitation, that exhilaration that’s what unlonely is like. — Unknown

And then I start to think about things that would be worse than being lonely. Here is a short list: - Getting serious with someone at 22 and waking up in 5 years realizing I settled out of fear and was just as lonely as I would be alone but much more stuck due to a mortgage, kids carpool group etc. - Marrying the guy I dated all through college and realized in 15 years I have no idea who I am without him (as my mother did when my father left her) - Mental and creative stagnation - Hepatitis B, HIV or any other incurable STD - Dying slowly of contentment in the suburbs, never having done anything in life

I think back to some of my most miserable times. Bawling on the floor of my Harlem apartment because I was alone in New York and had no idea why I had moved. Sleeping for days on end on a gross couch in the deep dark cold woods of Northern California. Finally leaving a rather abusive boyfriend after a year of fearing being lonely and breaking my own heart in the process.

All of those moments are the ones that come to mind when I think of things that define me. And not in a bitter way but in a real way. Those are the low points in the story of my life. The moments that give the best moments of my life tension and make them matter. They make me whole. And sure, my lows have been so much lower than my friends who got married out of college, but I sure as hell wouldn't want to be them.

Then when I'm done soaking up other's thoughts, and done telling myself why I should be ok with being lonely, I start to think about the reasons I actually love it: - It's the most mentally invigorating thing possible. Being alone in your head, with your thoughts, no TV, no music, no radio. There's where the big moments happen. - It's the best possible thing for creativity. This picture is of Steve Jobs way early on, and it's a moment that I aspire to. Being so engrossed in what you are creating that all you need is a lamp and a mug of tea. I cannot think of one artist/inventor/poet/author/photographer/entrepreneur who was a happy/content/stable person. Being content is not the same as being whole. - Being alone means I get to be whoever the fuck I want to be. The more people who you connect with at this moment means more people who expect you to be the same person with the same connections tomorrow. The more you're around the same people, the more you stay the same person. Being alone allows you to change moment to moment, and live a million lives. - Eating Nutella with a spoon and there's no one around to judge me - It is the most empowering thing I've ever done. Walking around alone, feeling scared but muscling through the fear. Knowing that if all else (and everyone else) fails, it might suck, but I would be 100% fine, walking through life with that level of confidence is something everyone should feel at least some of the time. - It ends.

Yes, that's one of the reasons I love being alone, is because I know it will end. In a short term sense because sometime soon my roommate will come home (and I will quickly finish off the last of the nutella covered spoon to hide the evidence) or in a big life sense, because I will find someone to fall in love with and a community to burrow into. And that too will be amazing, and that too will suck.

So here is the thesis of this whole ramble: Be okay with yourself for feeling lonely. It's natural, normal, and good. It will end. You will miss it when it does.

Sincerely, Someone who struggled with being lonely years after college, and now that she has a solid community around her, plans vacations alone because she misses it.